#i used to not hate taylor but after this “album” it really pissed me off lmao | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

with-the-flickers-of-light · 2 years ago

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in response to the rolling stone article

// or: in which i once again read the bullshit and criticize it, including quotes so you don't have to give them clicks

link: https://www.msn.com/en-us/music/other/we-wouldn-t-be-having-this-conversation-if-taylor-swift-was-a-man/ar-AA1bU70M

"Their sentiments were best summed up in an open letter on Twitter using the hashtag #SpeakUpNow (named after Swift’s upcoming re-recording of her 2010 album), which states that Healy’s many controversies “deeply trouble” them. “From engaging in racist remarks, making offensive jokes, and admitting to watching degrading pornography in which people of color are being humiliated and assaulted, his actions contribute to the perpetuation of hate, stereotypes, and objectification, which targets and hurts some people from the Jewish, Black, Chinese, Hawaiian, Inuit, LGBTQ+ communities, as well as women.”"

I don't have anything to comment on with regards to the Speak Up Now hashtag, but I just want us all to keep in mind that this was quoted in the article, so that when we get to the next line...

"The statement refers to the derogatory comments Healy laughed about regarding the rapper Ice Spice on The Adam Friedland Show podcast in February and the questionable apology he delivered onstage last month."

... we can all recognize that the comments on Ice Spice were definitely not the only concerns. If you have to minimize the concerns in order to fight them, then you've already admitted defeat. (I don't even know why I bothered to read the rest of the article. Call it morbid curiosity.)

"This is all part of Healy’s artistry: an intricate, tangled web of bits intended to rile you up and piss you off. This is the guy who eats raw meat onstage, gives Nazi salutes, and delivers intelligent observations like, “I’m obsessed with my d*** for some reason.” Stupid S*** is his brand. Are we really supposed to take anything he says seriously?"

So what you're telling me is that giving Nazi salutes is his brand? I'm sorry, how is that meant to be a fucking defense?

I wouldn't "take him seriously" as in engage in real academic discussion with him, no, because he's acting like a fucking moron and there's a snowball's chance in hell of him responding to criticism in good faith (see: that time he was Islamophobic and refused to be corrected by an actual Muslim). But when a person shows you who they are, you believe them. He's saying stupid things, and I'm "taking him seriously" in that when he acts racist, I call it racist.

"I’m not here to answer that, but I am here to tell you that none of it is Taylor’s problem. For the last 17 years, we’ve held this woman responsible for the actions of men she chooses to spend time with, and it’s time to stop."

I've not been on Swiftie social media for long, so I don't know a lot about what pre-Joe discourse was like. But from what I (as a non-Swiftie) understood of it, the criticism leveled at Swift was that expressed in "Shake It Off": "[she goes] on too many dates / but [she] can't make 'em stay". That's not criticizing her for men's actions, that was slut-shaming.

I also want to point out the use of the word "chooses". The author is blatantly acknowledging that this is a choice, while also saying we can't hold her responsible for it. I'm sorry, but if you make a choice, then you will be held responsible for that choice (that goes for both appreciation for the good and consequences for the bad).

"It would be fair to criticize her for walking out of Electric Lady with the ghost of Pol Pot or wondering why her dad and Matt Lauer are grooving out to her performance of “22.”"

Oh, yes, my favorite argument: absolve racist people of their racism because at least they aren't genocidal dictators. Did we learn nothing about systemic racism? During the Lover era, Swift acknowledged the importance of being anti-racist, not just "not racist". And "not a genocidal dictator" is an even lower standard than "not racist". So no, it's not ok to be racist, even if you're not a genocidal dictator.

As for Matt Lauer, as I understand it, then main allegation against him is sexual misconduct. In which case I would like to bring your attention to Where the Crawdads Sing and David 'O Russell. Huh, seems like this article is actually arguing that we shouldn't cancel Swift now, because we should've cancelled her back then.

"But this is just a hot sleazeball who wants Oasis back together (I don’t know about you, but I’ve dated a lot of guys who fit that description), and it’s up to Taylor to spend her time as she pleases."

A HOT SLEAZEBALL WHO WANTS OASIS BACK TOGETHER. That's what the author got from all of Healy's shitty behavior??? He's hot (ok fine whatever allos i'll never understand you). He's a sleazeball (yeah he does look like one). He wants Oasis back together (i have never listened to them and refuse to go down another research rabbit hole). Those 3 things seem pretty unproblematic, sure, and yeah, I'm sure plenty of people have dated those kinds of people.

BUT THAT IS NOT ALL THAT HEALY HAS DONE. Like, fucking hell, I'm not sure how Nazi salutes or torture porn are ANYWHERE near the same fucking level as "wants Oasis back together". Do you understand how confused I am by this argument????

"“While individuals have the right to make their own choices and form relationships, we believe that it is essential for those in the public eye to take a stand against discrimination and hold themselves and their associates accountable,” the open letter reads. But that’s just the thing: We don’t treat Taylor like an individual."

... cool, cool, well then it's time to start treating her like an individual. Again, the author is not actually making counterpoints to the Speak Up Now letter; rather, it's picking random words to expound upon.

However fans treat Swift does not exempt her from being held to standards, m-kay? (If anything, existing so publicly and wielding the social power that she does means holding her to higher standards than randos with no influence.)

"We treat her like a deity, one who must re-record “Snow on the Beach” because the original didn’t have enough Lana, and who needs to get political again since it’s been three years and 119 days since she did so in Miss Americana, and that’s far too long."

...I'm so confused, what does treating Swift like a deity have anything to do with the "Snow on the Beach" re-record? I'm lost. Someone help me. I do not understand.

Also whatever the motivation behind re-recording "Snow on the Beach", whether or not it's apparently because we treat Swift like a deity... that's called capitalism? Fans have the right to criticize your work?

3 years and 119 days is actually far too long since getting political if you once said that you'd always stand with marginalized communities. And as I've said in other posts, she is getting political now by associated with Healy. That's a political statement, like it or not. So she's involved. We're just saying it'd be nice if she was involved in supporting human rights as opposed to torture porn!

"If Swift were a man, we wouldn’t be having this conversation."

... I have so many criticisms of "The Man", do not even fucking get me started.

(As I have also said before, feminism shouldn't be about giving permission to women to be pieces of shit: it should be about stopping men from being pieces of shit. I went over this in my post on "The Man" already, but here's my summary: pretty much every behavior exalted in "The Man" (both the lyrics and music video) is NOT admirable. I swear, no one wants to hear about how you're a millionaire when so many people in your country are struggling to pay rent, or tuition, or for life-saving medications. No one I know respects Leonardo DiCaprio's sexual habits; I thought we were all making fun of him for dating young women under 25? If you're urinating in public, I do not care if you're a man, a woman, or non-binary, I will be angry. Anyways, the point is feminism is meant to fight The Man, not to become The Man.)

I can't speak for anyone else, but personally? I'd be fucking pissed about this situation whether or not Swift was a man.

Can't wait to be accused of more internalized misogyny because I criticized a woman. Lay it all on me.

[screams]

#taylor swift (critical)#matty healy (critical)#swift/healy (critical)#cw racism

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literally-just-a-review-blog · 2 years ago

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Album Review: This is Why by Paramore

This album came out yesterday at the time of writing this so I'm trying to get on top of things!! I'm reviving this dead blog for this record because I fucking loooooove Paramore and I wanna talk about them. So anyway.

This Is Why

To be honest, when I first heard this song, I didn't like it that much. It sounded very... average? It's not bad, it's pretty good, but it's not what I was looking for from Paramore. It was disappointing as their comeback single and made me less excited for this album than I should have been, since the rest of the album is more interesting. My favorite part is the end when Hayley lets out a powerful belt, and the last chorus is altered melodically and rhythmically.

2. The News

OH BABY THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR!!! This is Paramore!!!!! When I heard this song for the first time, I was so happy that it didn't sound like This is Why (sorry to people who liked that song lol). The roughness and strength of Hayley's voice is phenomenal in this song, and I love the slight vocal distortion when she says "turn on, turn off the news", and during the bridge. I have a soft spot for rhythmic speaking in rock songs, especially with the vocal distortion!! In my opinion, this one should have been the leading single.

3. Running Out Of Time

More rhythmic speaking, vocal distortion, and rough belts! I love when she screams right before the chorus. Overall, the instruments seem a bit more sparse than what I'm used to, but it works well for this song. At first, I didn't really like it, but as it went on and I understood how everything fit into the song better, I really liked it.

4. C'est Comme Ça

Oh man, the opening chords to this one had me really excited, and the rest of the song delivered! The lyrics are real, and Hayley delivered even MORE of that rhythmic speaking I adore. The chorus is catchy as hell and Hayley's voice just makes the words she's saying feel more genuine. The worst part about the song is that it's only 2 and a half minutes long.

5. Big Man, Little Dignity

First of all, shoutout to Taylor York for that banger opening riff. Second of all, I hate to say it, but when 75% of the chorus consists of the title of the song, it kind of takes me out of the immersion. It's like "okay, that's the song title, I've heard it before, what comes after?" Melodically, harmonically, and rhythmically, the song is beautiful. Lyrically, it falls a little flat in the chorus. Finally, I was NOT expecting that... saxophone? I think? At the very end. I wish it had been there for more than 30 seconds and I wish the ending hadn't dragged on for a full minute after the vocals ended. A coda is necessary, but a whole other section can feel excessive.

6. You First

Again, I love the opening riff. The lyrics feel a little... I don't know how to describe it, but there's something off about them. Not that I could do any better, but Paramore definitely could. However, the music itself is great. I don't have much to say about it, the song overall is kind of mid...

7. Figure 8

Is anyone else kind of pissed that this isn't the 8th track? Anyway, I really like this song, especially the chorus. If there's one thing you've learned about me thus far, it's that I love distorted vocals, so the pre-chorus hits hard as well. The rhythm in the chorus had me confused in a good way, where I couldn't tell if it switched to 2/4 for a bar or if the placement of the downbeat just sounded like it shifted. Regardless, this song reinstated the hope I have for the rest of this album, even though I only have 3 songs left.

8. Liar

This is purely personal opinion, but I tend not to like the slower, more subdued songs. I love FLOWERS for VASES / descansos, though, so maybe it's just that this song isn't very engaging. That's disappointing, because Hayley Williams's solo work has many far more interesting songs that are just as calm. Not to say that this is a bad song; I just don't see myself listening to it that often. I like the lyrics, as they're somewhat relatable for just about anyone who's loved someone more than they love themselves.

9. Crave

Cute opening riff, pretty guitar tone, impactful lyrics. The vocal harmonies and the way everything flows together on "just for a second it all felt simple, I'm already missing you" is really... comforting, for lack of a better word. "I romanticize even the worst of times, when all it took to make me cry was being alive" is one of my favorite lyrics on this entire album. This has the impact I wish Liar had had as well. Great track.

10. Thick Skull

In all honesty... the first minute of this song was a bit of a snoozefest. After the rest of the instruments came in, I was less bored, but still not totally engaged. It took two minutes to really draw me in, when Hayley's powerful belt caught my attention. I love her voice so goddamn much. The tone and melodicism of the guitar solo was also wonderful, and the last chorus when everything came together made me understand what the last three minutes were for.

Overall, I had higher expectations for this album. Like I said in the beginning, I absolutely adore Paramore; they're one of my favorite bands of all time, and I love every one of their albums so much I could never pick a favorite. But... I know this one is my least favorite, at least for now. Even All We Know Is Falling had more passion, more raw emotion in it that I could relate to. Maybe that's because I'm only 17 and can't relate to Hayley Williams's experiences with adulthood, so take everything I'm saying with a grain of salt. If anyone called this a great album, I wouldn't say they were wrong, I just can't say I see it as great.

#paramore #this is why #album review #music review

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cowboylikedean · 3 years ago

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tbh i'm not feeling it either, it seems very emotionally detached/disconnected to me, which is funny since people are reading this as super personal for her, but i'm not getting that. maybe it will grow on us?

Yeah I mean I get what other people say they're hearing, but I just.... I don't. Part of it is the spit. I hate the spit.

Part of it is it's so fake deep in that (as a friend put it) 'so deep it doesn't make sense' kinda way that pisses me off. one of the things I've loved about Taylor forever is that she doesn't turn to fake deep twisty lyrics that don't make sense. even her most twisty lyrics form a narrative. She toyed around with that "disconnected ideas that don't form a narrative" thing with hoax, but it's really good and it works and also you can find pieces from every narrative in the album and so it works. but this...........

And then the last part is that there's just simply not enough information. There is no real narrative. The song isn't a story, it's a song about a story. Which is fine, Taylor never claimed it was anything but. I just don't like that and I also don't think it should have been a pre-release single. Release it as the ending credits track when the movie is released and market it as a companion piece to the movie rather than a single. It doesn't make sense without that context. who is she? who died? who fled? is this the same person? what is happening? I don't know because there's no info.

People keep comparing it to Safe and Sound but Safe and Sound tells a story. It's a lullaby about a war. She wrote Eyes Open while reading the book (Safe and Sound was written well after for the movie while Eyes Open was written about the book while she read it) and that tells Katniss’s story. You can hear her struggle and feel righteously on her side. Carolina vaguely references things from this character's story rather than tells us her story.

Also everyone keeps talking about betrayal and like idk where the betrayal is coming in in these lyrics,, there's no talk of trusting someone that ends up betraying you. Verse 1 is about being lonely and the drifting that comes with loneliness, verse 2 is about pain in loss and wanting to hide from it, and verse 3 is about keeping secrets in the face of accusations. None of this is betrayal. I don't understand what people are hearing when they say that.

All in all, the song itself is disconnected, and also it's so up its own ass in indie ness and i hate indie pompous shit which is what this feels like it is

#taylor #carolina #it's fine #sometimes its just not for me #and this is not for me

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popstarryeyed · 2 years ago

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my midnights song ranking, according to this sorter:

explanations below:

1. The Great War

i love the imagery, the historical references and the different florals and the overarching war metaphor, and i'm a sucker for on-the-nose production choices - like, say, using military-esque drums in a song called "the great war". and i love songs about coming through hardship to peace. it's catnip to me.

fave lyric: "my hand was the one you reached for / all throughout the great war"

2. Would've, Could've, Should've

taylor just seems so righteously pissed, and i can totally believe she's still hung up on it because that's the kind of thing that affects you years down the line. can't wait for speak now taylor's version

fave lyric: "give me back my girlhood / it was mine first"

3. Anti-Hero

is it cringe? yeah. do i relate, and is the inherent cringiness of being vulnerable about your insecurities kind of the point and the entire appeal? also yeah.

fave lyric: "sometimes, i feel like everybody is a sexy baby / and i'm a monster on the hill"

4. Bejeweled

again, i'm a sucker for on-the-nose production choices. of course it sounds twinkly! it's about ~sparkling~! i also like how it's a song about not being afraid to outshine the shitty guy you're dating. it's about the guys who feel threatened when their gilfriends make more money than them or are taller than them, and how you're not gonna put yourself down to make them feel better.

(also me and my vintage costume jewelry collection appreciate a song about being shiny. i polish up real NICE!)

fave lyrics: "i made you my world, have you heard? / i can reclaim the land"

5. Mastermind

as an autistic person, i feel like i've had to consciously learn how to be a person, like i have put effort and planning into things that happen easily and spontaneously for other people. i'm not saying taylor is autistic but i resonate with this song for that reason.

fave lyrics: "no one wanted to play with me as a little kid / so i've been scheming like a criminal ever since / to make them love me and make it seem effortless"

6. You’re on Your Own, Kid

6-8 on this list could go in any order. i think this one came out on top bc it was kind of a slow grower for me and i wanted to rectify my initial meh impression. ultimately i really like the look at taylor's life and the pursuit of stardom and how lonely it is

7. Bigger Than The Whole Sky

a lot of songs on this album are very wordy, packed with imagery and easter eggs and references, and i appreciate that this song is just a direct and simple sad breakup song.

8. Glitch

on-the-nose production choices my beloved <3

9. High Infidelity

i imagine this is the morning after bejeweled, when she's breaking up with the guy after having a great night. it's main weakness is that it does that jam-packed thing that "bigger than the whole sky" doesn't do. i love details and imagery but when a song starts to feel like a list and not a narrative it's time to dial it back

10. Question...?

i enjoy how the chorus is this really pointed interrogation and then at the end she's like "it's just a question". the arrogance of asking if everything felt second-best after her - it really captures the resentment around unresolved relationships, how you want those answers so badly but also you hate them for leaving you wondering and have decided they probably weren't worth it. its main flaw is the same list problem as "high infidelity". which is not always a flaw, to be clear. the bridge of "death by a thousand cuts" does it well.

11. Karma

lovely and breezy sonically, but i don't really believe in karma. taylor's belief that good things will come to her and bad things will come to her enemies is far too simple for me. happy for her though.

13. Labyrinth

12. Dear Reader

listing off a bunch of advice and then giving a disclaimer not to listen to anything she says is a really funny thing to do

pretty and gentle. a little bit forgettable.

14. Midnight Rain

the lyrics and concept are so good but all the pitch-shifted vocals are distracting. it's a solid song that didn't need all the bells and whistles and i find it frustrating to listen to

15. Lavender Haze

pretty, but i've heard the "my reputation's bad but you don't care" song before. many times.

16. Maroon

"so scarlet it was maroon" "the burgundy on my t-shirt" those are 3 different shades of red taylor.

17. Hits Different

"movin' on was always easy for me to do" taylor you have a song on this album about a relationship you had over ten years ago

18. Paris

ooh me and my boyfriend don't care about the world it's like we're in a city that is part of the world

19. Snow on the Beach ft. Lana Del Rey

probably doesn't deserve to be this low but the metric i used when deciding was "which would i rather listen to?" and if i listened to this, i'd just be thinking the entire time about how lana isn't on it.

20. Sweet Nothing

i'm sure she just meant to say that her partner doesn't expect as much out of her as the world but unfortunately it ends up feeling like an anthem for those women who act like feminism ruined their lives bc they're expected to like, participate in the world and have thoughts instead of just being a housewife. all he wants from you is sweet nothing - so, for you to be pretty and empty? and you're "too soft" to deal with people asking you to take a stand on social issues? wow.

like with that line specifically she was probably just talking about the pressure on social media for her to be everything to everybody (thus, "nothing" being comforting). but i only say that because i know taylor swift and what she sings about.

i think celebrities writing songs about escaping the world with their partners can easily come off a little tone-deaf. obviously everyone needs time away from the relentless news cycle and as someone who works in a nonprofit i know people need breaks from doing social justice work, but sometimes with celebrities it can seem like they've decided to just ignore the problems of the world, because they can afford to. that's the vibe i get off this song, even though i don't think she intended it.

21. Vigilante Shit

cringe. "cat eye sharp enough to kill a man" in the year of our lord 2022? please don't. this song is so style over substance. all about how she's dressed and the general idea of revenge than an actual story about doing revenge. just listen to no body no crime or mad woman instead

#nina's musical log #taylor swift

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illfoandillfie · 4 years ago

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Out of Context

Request: First of all, congratulations on 1,000!!!! Could you do a a sequel to Interloper where maybe an interviewer is giving her shit for having once been a groupie and Bri Rog and Deaky defend her and have amazing sex after at like their hotel 😂-foursome anon (I’m back)

Interloper / Snapshots From Before (Prequel)

Pairing: Roger Taylor x Brian May x John Deacon x Fem!Reader

Warnings: SMUT (18+), gangbang/foursome, oral sex (m and f receiving), anal sex, tit fucking, light choking, slightly dom reader, cheer up sex, some spanking, double and triple penetration

Words: 6,145

A/N: This was another request from back at my 1000 follower celebration last year. It’s been sitting half written in my drafts since then and I finally felt inspired to finish it lmao. Foursome anon I hope you’re still around and you see this!!

Blurb Advent: Day 10

Taglist: @vee-ndetta @atomic-watermelon @kellypenac @labessieisallama @deakyclicks @jennyggggrrr @drowseoftaylor @hannafuckingsucks @i-cant-hangout-im-drumming @queenmylovely @ilovequeenmorethanyou @johndeaconshands @borhapbois @stardust-galaxies

Doing press wasn’t easy, especially when interviewers insisted on questioning you all separately. You preferred having at least one of the boys to back you up. They’d been dealing with the whole interview process for so long now they knew how to avoid answering things they didn’t want to, knew how to deal with rude reporters. But it was all new to you. Perhaps that was why this particular interview had gone so badly. There was no Freddie to make the right snide comment, no Roger to get pissed off on your behalf, no Brian or John to squeeze your knee comfortingly or take over when you go tongue tied.

Things between you and the rest of the band had been going much better since Freddie had locked you in that room together. It didn’t happen overnight, there were still lingering tensions. But any badmouthing they did of you was out of your hearing which you much preferred. Gradually, as the tour wore on, there were less tensions. They got used to having you around, began including you in their games of scrabble and their not-quite-awake conversations over hotel breakfasts. Until one day, in the final leg of the tour, when Freddie admitted to you quietly that he hadn’t overheard any whispered comments for nearly a week. “And here I was thinking we’d never get there.” “Oh hush, darling, I told you from the beginning they wouldn’t hate you forever. Sure they took a little longer to come around than I had anticipated but it all worked out in the end. And now when you tell them the execs have asked for another full album featuring you, they probably won’t kill you.” They hadn’t, of course, though you’d worried for the safety of everyone involved in making the decision. Roger looked as if he were a second away from punching the first person to talk to him.

They took less time to calm down though, especially after they saw how nervous you got before the first interview. Your agent had decided some preliminary press would help build excitement for the album before the songs were even written. Calls were made, journalists were found, and before you knew it you were facing a crowd of people vying to ask you their questions, cameras flashing the whole time. It was a lot. More than pushing you into the deep end, you’d be thrown to the bloody sharks. Any lingering ill will the boys had for you vanished after that. They’d all thankfully been there too, had drawn the attention to themselves rather than let you struggle to answer everything on your own. After that they’d kept an eye on you during the smaller interviews. Mostly the reporters were happy to talk to you all together and, as long as you said one or two things about how excited you were to be working with Queen again, and how much fun touring with them was, you could get away with letting them take lead. But every now and then you got stuck with some jackass who wanted to quiz you solo. And this interview, this horrid interview, had been one of them.

Roger pushed the magazine away from himself, letting it slide as far down your kitchen table as it would go. “She’s a fucking bitch that reporter.” You looked down at the magazine, still open to your interview, the headline alone making your stomach turn. “No, sorry, that’s an insult to dogs. She’s a fucking cunt.” “Rog,” “No, that’s an insult to vaginas. There is no word strong enough for that poor excuse for a journalist.” “Roger, sit down.” Roger shot Freddie a dirty look but sat down anyway, his knee bouncing with restless energy, “Sorry. I’m just pissed off.” “Yes, we gathered that, thanks Rog,” “She took everything I said out of context, you have to believe me.” “We do, Y/N, we do,” John said softly from beside you, rubbing circles on your back. “It started well, I swear. Just the usual questions y’know, what’s it like working with Queen? How does it feel to be singing next to Freddie Mercury? Were you nervous about touring with them? Can you give us any hints about the new album? All the things that usually come up that Freddie coached me on how to answer, and I was doing fine. I had my prepared answers and there was no stumbling over words or anything like that. I thought I’d finally got the hang of it all and then she asked me to elaborate on what it was like working with you. I’d already told her the usual thing – it was fun and y’know blew my mind and all that. But then she asked how it compare to being your groupie.” “You didn’t answer her did you?” “Christ no, Brian! Jesus what do you take me for?” Brian held his hands up in apology. “I told her that it wasn’t relevant, but she kept asking, one question after another thrown at me and no matter what I said she didn’t stop. All sorts of stuff, like which of you was the best shag, and if I’d only wanted to be your groupie because I hoped it would lead to my own album, and if I was still offering my services,” you made air quotes around the words, “accused me of using you for my own gain and asked if you were the first band I’d tried it with or if you were just the only ones gullible enough to let me. I tried to tell her no and that I wasn’t going to answer those questions but she just kept going and then she told me to get used to the attention and left. I guess she didn’t need my answers to write a whole article about it.” “Which of us is the best shag?” Brian repeated the question though you suspected he wasn’t just checking he’d heard you correctly. The others all fell quiet, waiting to see if you’d answer. “Really Bri? That’s what you got from that?” “Right, right, sorry, not the important part. Look, it’s not as bad as you think it is.” “Bri’s right, love,” Roger said, much calmer than he had been before, “there’s nothing of substance in here. Like this quote, as for the fun Ms Y/L/N mentioned was had on tour, one can’t help but wonder just what she meant. Could the stories about nights spent playing boardgames be covers for debauched, drug-fuelled, orgies the likes of which would make a pornstar blush, I mean, there’s nothing there. It’s all conjecture and anyone worth a damn will see right through it.” “But some people will believe it,” “Maybe, yes,” Freddie said, “but it’ll blow over. We’ve all been in the same place you are at one time or another. If anything this officially makes you one of the band.” “Yeah, Y/N, it’s all just spiteful rubbish.” “Thanks guys, but I think I might just call it a day, go back to bed. Stay if you want, I don’t mind. But if you leave lock the door behind you.” You stood and headed to your bedroom.

The four boys stayed quiet until you were out of your room but you heard their hushed voices and hissed comments through your bedroom door as you pulled off your jeans and unclasped your bra from under the baggy jumper you wore. It took about five minutes before there was a soft knock on your bedroom door. “Y/N, can I come in?” You contemplated feigning sleep. “I know you’re not asleep.” You sighed and sat up, hugging your knees to your chest, “Fine, Roger, come in.” “Freddie’s gone to make some calls,” he said, standing just inside your doorway, hands in his pockets. “Calls about what? It’s out there now, there’s no getting it back.” “No but we need to make it clear to other journalists that those kinds of questions won’t be answered in any future interviews, and hopefully we can make sure that parasite never gets to come anywhere near us again.” “Isn’t that mean to parasites?” Roger chuckled, “getting over it already, see,” he sat on the edge of the bed and placed his hand on your covered knee, “I know this sucks, and I get that you’re ashamed, but I promise it’s not as bad as it feels right now.” “I’m not ashamed.” “What?” “You said I’m ashamed of it but I’m not.” “Oh. I thought-” “I’m a bit embarrassed because obviously I’ve never told my family what it is I got up to when I went to all those concerts and now they’re all going to know, lord knows some of them will believe the worst of it. And I’m pissed off that I didn’t stand up for myself more. I just let her keep cutting me off and talking over me when I should have told her to fuck off or at least called her out for being a prudish arsehole who probably only attacked me because she’s jealous I’ve fucked three quarters of Queen. And I’m annoyed that you’ve all been brought up in the article, and she’s questioning whether your good people just because you sept with me. I mean does she expect you all to be virginal saints or something? It’s just frustrating and yes, upsetting. But I’m definitely not ashamed.” “Huh, okay then.” “What?” “Nothing, just, we assumed you regretted sleeping with us.” “Lord no. It wasn’t planned, like she was insinuating, but seeping with you definitely helped me get my foot in the door with this whole music thing. And even if it hadn’t done that, it was still fun as hell and made me feel good. If I wasn’t fucking you I would have been out having mediocre sex with guys I met in pubs and I don’t care how much of a slut it makes me seem, but I’d rather fuck a whole band every single night and actually get off than have a disappointing drunk lay with a guy who’s never heard of the clitoris. Fuck, I’d still be doing the whole groupie thing now, and be perfectly happy with it, if Freddie hadn’t heard me singing that day. That night at the after party, that was heaps of fun.” “Give me a second would you,” Roger stood and walked to the door, giving you another glance before he turned the corner. You watched the doorway, not quite sure what to make of his behaviour but your questions were answered soon enough when he reappeared with Brian and John following. “So apparently we misread the situation,” Brian said, taking the seat Roger had just vacated. John sat cross legged at the end of your bed while Roger flopped onto the mattress beside you. “I can’t believe you’d think I regretted being your groupie. Have you met me?” “In our defence you seemed very upset, what were we meant to think?” “I had a shitty interview and got called a whore in a very public way, of course I’m upset. Doesn’t mean I regret anything.” “Yeah, that makes sense. Sorry, we should have realised. But we have a proposition for you. We actually thought of a way to cheer you up when we first saw the magazine this morning but then when we got here you seemed so sad and we didn’t want to make you more upset or uncomfortable,” “What Brian is trying to say is that we have an idea we think you might like.” “Jesus will you two stop beating around the bush?” “Shut up Rog, I’m getting there.” “Y/N,” Roger said cutting off the others before they could waffle any longer, “Would you like to fuck us again?” You almost choked. “Zero tact. What he means is, we thought we could cheer you up. All three of us, entirely focused on making you forget that magazine.” “Wait, I’m confused,” you massaged the bridge of your nose as you tried to catch up to them, “you saw an article that called me a whore and thought it would cheer me up to, what, be your shared fucktoy again? Yeah it was fun but-” “No, no, no, that’s not what we mean,” John said, “you’d be in control of how it all happens. It wouldn’t be like last time.” “So, you’d be my whores?” “I guess?” “The point is,” Roger chimed in, “we want to make you feel better. If that means making you cups of tea and buying you a box of chocolates that’s fine. But it could also mean you having three cocks and all the orgasms you can handle.” You looked from Roger to John to Brian and then back again, trying to work out if they were joking or not. But they all seemed sincere enough for you to actually think about their proposition. It wasn’t what you were expecting to hear from them, and it hadn’t crossed your mind until they mentioned it. But now that they had, you had to admit it sounded fun. Last time had been fun and that was when you’d been passed around and used mercilessly, so having them all again, but with a bit more say in how it happened, could only be better. Plus, part of you wanted to prove how unashamed of your groupie history you were and what better way than this? “Okay, I’m in.”

“Do we need to set any ground rules?” Brian asked. “You all know my safeword,” “Saxophone,” You laughed at the chorus of eager voices, “Yes, exactly. Other than that I don’t think there’s anything to worry about. Not like this is new exactly, is it?” “Well, no, I s’pose not.” “Exactly. And if there’s anything I don’t want I’ll tell you. So you’re,” you pointed at Roger, “going to kiss me now, while you two undress,” “Getting right to it, excellent,” Roger laughed, as he pushed himself closer to you. He didn’t waste any time, leaning in to kiss you right away. It started off a little too soft for your liking but as soon as soon as you made it clear how into it you were, kissing him back harder and pressing yourself closer, Roger reciprocated. His hands wandered down to your chest as you felt Brian and John get up, following your orders, their clothes left where they landed on the floor. Roger’s hands were soon replaced by Brian’s as he knelt behind you, and you found your head being pulled around so he could kiss you too. Roger took the opportunity to undress as Brian and John caught you between them. You couldn’t tell who was removing your clothes, only that once your jumper had been pulled over your head John was kissing you. He leaned back, tugging you along so Brian could pull your underwear off, his hands caressing your bare bum. “How do you want us?” John asked, brushing your hair back behind your ear. “Um,” you looked around at the three very naked bandmates waiting for your word, “One of you is going to eat me out. Don’t care who but I am going to cum.” “Yes Ma’am,” John laughed, lazily saluting you before rolling you onto your back and shuffling down between your thighs. You were taken by surprise when you felt his tongue run between your lips, expecting nips on your thighs and the teasing puff of his breath as he hovered just out of your reach. But he was clearly taking the job of cheering you up seriously. Brian and Roger weren’t any different, settling into the spaces on either side of you, their light touches only enhancing the feeling John had set off. You felt their fingertips on your breasts and in the ends of your hair, tugging just enough to send a shiver down your spine but not enough to make you gasp in pain. “So what would you like from us, love? What dirty little fantasies are going through your head right now?” Roger tapped his finger on the middle of your forehead. You opened your mouth but a small oh as John latched onto your clit replaced the words you’d been intending to say. “Think we’re going to need a little more than that, Y/N. C’mon, tell us what you want. Do you want us to just take turns fucking you, filling you up over and over and over.” “Or are you thinking more along the lines of last time? Taking two at a time because one cock isn’t quite enough for you now?” “Try three,” you managed to get out as you slid a hand into John’s hair to hold him in place, “want you all at once.” “Jesus,” Brian swore, dropping his lips to your neck. “I’ve been a piss-poor groupie considering the stories that reporter’s peddling. Everyone’s going to think I’ve been taking all three of you at once constantly, but we’ve never actually done that, have we? Might as well embrace my slut title and change that,” “Let us work up to it, Love” Roger said softly, recapturing your lips as he rolled your nipple between his fingers. You whined, partly from Roger and Brian’s attention and partly because John raised his head, your hips rising slightly at the loss. “Guess I should start stretching you out then,” he said offhandedly as he licked his fingers, the same way you’d seen him do a hundred times before while playing. You couldn’t stop the moan that rose up in your throat, the sound only making John chuckle against you as he lowered his head and resumed his focus on your clit.

It only took a few more minutes to have you swearing through your first orgasm. The two fingers John had inside you enough to send you over the edge as they brushed against every sensitive spot they could reach. Your neck tingled where Brian had marked it and your nipples were stiff peaks, extra sensitive to cool air after he and Roger had delighted in torturing them with teeth and tongue and fingertips. “How was that?” John asked, slowly withdrawing his fingers when he was satisfied you’d finished. “Fuck,” was all you could say, the three boys laughing, John dropping a kiss to the inside of your thigh. “Think you can handle more?” “Actually Bri I think I might be done,” “Oh. Really?” “I’m kidding.” “Thank Christ. I’m so fucking hard there’s no way I could get my pants back on anyway.” You laughed and pushed yourself to sit up, “Poor thing. I suppose you can use my cunt for a bit.” “Classic guitarists always getting first go,” “Shut it drum boy, I was about to offer to blow you but if you’re going to be like that,” “No, no, I didn’t say anything.” “He did Y/N, I heard him, blow me instead,” “Ignore Deaks, he doesn’t know what he’s talking about,” “Like a couple of – oh!” you were cut off as Brian grabbed you round the middle and wrenched you onto your hands and knees, “children. A little warning next time please,” “Sorry,” Brian leaned forward to kiss your back as his fingers trailed up the inside of your thigh, “but if I didn’t move this along we’d be stuck arguing about who gets to blow who forever.” “N-no we wouldn’t,” you stumbled over your words as Brian’s long, talented fingers pressed into you, “I made up my mind, Rog in my throat.” “What about me?” “Don’t worry Deaks, you’ll get your turn. If you want you can spank me though, or bite me or pull my hair or whatever else you can think of. You know my limits. Also we’ll need lube so if you want to go digging through my bathroom draws and find some you can. Might be a reward in it if you do.” “Spankher, please,” Brian nearly whined, “always makes her cunt so tight.” “Think I’d rather claim that reward thanks” “Alright then I’ll spank her,” “Guys! Can you stop arguing. I have holes enough for all of you, that’s kind of the point of this. And, Brian and Roger, if I don’t get both of your cocks deep, deep inside me within the next thirty seconds I will kick you both out and let John have his way with me on repeat.” A moment of silence accompanied your statement. You saw Roger, eyes wide, look over at John and then to Brian, and could only assume they were returning his dumbfounded look. “Twenty-nine, twenty-eight, twenty-seven,” Roger blinked as if waking from a daydream and hurried to kneel in front of you, one hand gliding over the length of his cock as the other reached for your hair. Your mouth fell open in a gasp as Brian suddenly filled you, holding your hips tight as he bottomed out, which gave Roger enough opportunity to push himself towards the back of your throat. There was a shift in the mattress as John got up but you were a little too preoccupied to hear the door open and shut or the sound of him rummaging through your bathroom. You only realised he’d returned when a sudden, loud spank hit you and you knew Brian’s hands were still occupied with your hips. For their parts, Roger and Brian were keeping you busy, skewered between them, not sure whether the noises coming from your own throat were moans or gags or wordless begging. Brian breathlessly laughed as John spanked you again, “So fucking tight. Bit harder?” “Y/N?” You made an assenting humming noise and nodded as much as Roger’s cock would allow which John rightly took as permission and so hit you again, harder than the last.

It was an intoxicating feeling, taking two cocks at once, all the while wanting more and knowing you’d have it before long. Brian fucked you hard and precise, as if his goal was to split you open from the inside out. Had it just been him and you alone you would have found yourself creeping further up the bed. It had happened a few times before, leaving you either hanging off the edge of the bed, or with your hands over your head and pressed against a wall in an effort to keep from banging your head. But all he managed to do was push you further onto Roger’s cock, making you gag and choke more often. Roger didn’t seem to mind that though, giving as good as Brian, firmly gripping your hair so that you couldn’t even attempt to move off him. The added impact from John’s hand just made you shiver and moan. He was the one who sensed you were getting close though, reaching under you to rub your clit and give you the extra push you needed to get over the edge. Brian wasn’t too far behind you, groaning as he tried to keep fucking you, his hips faltering as he twitched inside you and spilled his seed. You felt his hands on your backside as he spread your cheeks, leaning down to spit on your arsehole before he pulled out of you. Once Brian was finished with you, you tapped Roger’s thigh and he pulled back. “You okay?” he asked, stroking your cheek with a knuckle. “Brilliant, just thought that since I can move a bit easier, I’d take over. You look like you were close.” “Fucking yes I was close,” You giggled as you readjusted your position to be more comfortable, once again taking Roger’s cock between your lips. This time you pushed yourself lower, taking him deeper, making Roger swear above you. You pulled back again, hollowing your cheeks until you sank down once more. A strangled moan seemed to catch in Roger’s throat and it spurred you on. You reached out to cups his balls, massaging them in your hand as you took him as deep as you could and hummed. The hum turned into something akin to a squeal (though slightly muffled and choked off at the end) as the sticky cool of John’s lube covered finger teased your arsehole, tracing circles around it before slowly sinking into you. The sight seemed to be enough to finish Roger off, one hand on the back of your head to steady himself as he shot his load down your throat, pulling out towards the end so the last of it dribbled down your chin. “Now me?” John asked, pushing a second finger in with the first as Roger let you go. “Stretch me out a little more and then yes,” “Oh, no, I’m not ready for that yet. I want your tits.” “What?” “Your tits, Y/N. Turn around,” His fingers left you and you were free to move, shuffling on your knees to face him. John pressed down on your shoulder pushing you to sit back on your knees and adjusting your angle so he could slide his lubed up shaft between your breasts. He pushed them together with his palms and slid them up and down his dick as he rutted against you, spreading the sticky lube over your chest. With a slight smile at John, you dipped your head a little and kissed the tip of his cock as it moved towards your lips. “Fuck, been waiting so long for this,” he groaned, “gon-na make a mmm-ess all over you.” He gave up on speech as he neared his released, communicating exclusively in grunts and increased speed until he finished, covering your chest and sternum in ropes of cum that dripped down your skin.

You laughed as John fell back. The hardest you could remember laughing in a while. “What’s so funny?” Brian asked, reaching out to rub your shoulder. “Just thought what that reporter would say if she could see me now, naked and dripping in spunk,” you managed to get out between giggles, “her face would be fucking priceless.” The boys laughed along with you, glad you could see the funny side of the situation with the article. “Does that mean you’re feeling better?” “Yes Rog, but I’m still not done with you.” “What did you have in mind?” “Well,” you crawled over to where Roger was sitting, leant back on his hands, and placed your hand on his throat, tilting his face away from you a little so you could lick a long stripe from his jaw to his temple, “I meant it when I said I wanted all of you.” “Never doubted it, love,” he sounded a little breathless. “Just let me know when you’re all ready to go again. Not you Rog, I can see you’re ready.” “I’m good too Y/N,” “Yeah, same,” “In that case,” you shifted your position, lining yourself up with Roger and sinking down on him, squeezing his throat a little harder as you adjusted. “John, you still got that lube?” “Yes, uh, yeah here,” there was the sound of a cap flipping open and you leaned forward encouraging Roger to lay back so you could give John better access. “Hey, Rog, can you spread your legs a little wider,” “S’pose so, just don’t kneel on my bollocks or anything,” “God give me a second, the thought of that just made mine try and jump up inside me,” You giggled as John shuffled closer, using his fingers to spread some more of the lube over you and to keep stretching you out. “What about me, Y/N?” “I haven’t forgotten you Bri. I want every inch of your cock shoved so far down my throat I can feel you for a week. Just let me get used to the others first, yeah? Still feels kinda odd having two of you at once since we’ve not done it much.” Brian nodded, contenting himself with running his fingers through your hair as he waited. John, having pulled his fingers from you and slicked up his dick with more lube, sank into you slowly, his hand on your back to keep you bent forward. It suddenly felt hard for you to pull in a new breath as you tried to adjust to the feeling of both of them, especially when John gave an experimental thrust, fucking you slowly to make sure it felt okay for everyone. Brian talked softly, reminding you to breathe and telling you how well you were doing, until you were better in control of your lungs and ready for more. “Are you sure you want me as well?” “Yes. Lets show that parasite just how far I’ll go, huh?” Roger laughed, “that’s the spirit.”

Brian didn’t need more convincing than that, though it did take a little trial and error to find the best way to accommodate all three of them. Brian tried perching his arse on the headboard but Roger whinged about “seeing nothing but Bri’s ballsack flopping about. And I know you see things when you’re gangbanging but that is too much.” In the end Brian stood next to the bed by Roger’s head, enough to the side that Roger’s view wasn’t impeded but still close enough so that the angle wouldn’t strain your neck. He gathered your hair into a messy ponytail as he pulled your mouth onto his cock, letting you work yourself further down his shaft as slowly as you needed, checking in with you every now and again to make sure you could take more. The other two were mostly still as you adjusted to Brian, though once or twice they’d given a small thrust or shifted slightly and made you whine. Once you had Brian buried as deep in your throat as he could go you paused for a few seconds and then pulled back again, strings of saliva breaking on your lips. “How was that?” “Good,” you gasped, “New. Kinda weird but very fucking good.” That didn’t really explain anything but you weren’t sure how to describe the nearly overwhelming fullness, the sudden heat, the tension in your belly which you couldn’t pinpoint as either anticipation or nerves or just because you were stretched open on three cocks. “And that’s without us doing anything,” “I know,” you grinned, “I’m excited. Why didn’t we try this sooner? But now you guys can cut loose. I’m not sure I’ll be much use in like riding you properly or whatever. Just don’t know my brain can focus on keeping both of you in my holes while I’m thinking about blowing Bri well. So, just fuck me however you can and we’ll see how it goes.” “Don’t worry, we’ll make you feel good,” John said, rubbing your back softly. “Yeah, course we will, love. And if ends up being shit then we can just take turns instead,” You nodded and took a deep breath before leaning forward to take Brian again. You controlled the pace once more, bobbing up and down his shaft, sucking on his tip, as the other two figured out their rhythm. It was a strange sensation to start. It felt clumsy and more than a little awkward, especially when John mentioned how he could feel Roger inside you. But that eased as they adjusted and worked out how best to fuck you. John held your hips as he plunged into you, each thrust harder than the last as his confidence rose and he found out what you liked most. Roger’s hands moved over your skin rather than staying in once place, palming your breasts and teasing your nipples between his fingertips before sliding down your side to grasp your waist and then back up to your breasts. You were rocked on his cock with each of John’s pounding thrusts, which only made you moan around Brian’s. You let instinct take over there, one hand stroking from his base up to meet your lips as you swallowed him deeper. His hips jolted when you whined or moaned and before long you dropped your hand away from his shaft, instead grabbing his arse to keep yourself steady. He pulled you off him again and you could feel the spit on your chin. “Forgot what a fucking incredible cocksucker you are.” Brian groaned, “But can I take over? Fuck your throat?” “Yeah, okay,” You had time for another breath and then you were pushed down again, right to the base. “There we go,” he groaned, pulling on your hair, “Gonna make you feel so fucking good.” Your hum was choked off and ended in a gag as Brian ground his hips into your face. That seemed to be the tipping point though. The moment all three of them forgot about awkward views or who was positioned where and became entirely consumed with fucking you deep and hard. You were glad to let them lead, grabbing you, pinching and pulling and squeezing every inch of you they could reach. And all the while spearing you on their dicks, keeping you in a cycle of mounting pleasure as they found all your most responsive spots inside and out. You felt your orgasm building again, the heat rising, getting more urgent as you got closer and closer. The sounds you made were muffled by Brian but that didn’t stop you making them, moaning with every pounding thrust. As you neared the edge Brian pulled you off his cock so they could all hear you properly, their encouragement mixing in your lust addled brain and creating a wall of noise that pushed you over the edge with a loud cry. And yet they didn’t stop. Brian waited until your orgasm was reduced to aftershocks that made you wince and whine and then cut off your air as he entered your throat again, resuming the long, deep strokes that made you gag until he came, holding you down as he emptied himself completely.

As soon as the other two didn’t have to worry about giving Brian access to your mouth they adjusted your position, John pushing on your back until you were bent over. Roger attached his lips to your throat as they simultaneously fucked into you, the change of angle pushing Roger’s cock against you in a way that had you seeing spots. You cried out again as Brian lay a slap on your arse. “Fuck, fuck, fuck,” John grunted as he came too, unable to hold out any longer though he didn’t withdraw from you either. His hips slowed a bit and he whined softly but he kept fucking you. “Rog,” you panted, trying to get him to finish too. “You’ve got another one in you, c’mon love,” You whined but nodded, the familiar sensation already tightening in the pit of your stomach. Again the three of them encouraged you, John wrapping his hand around your waist to find your clit, Brian reaching under you to squeeze your breast as his other hand came down on your arse again. They gave you no option but to cum, shivering between them. Finally Roger let go too, moaning into your ear as he filled you up.

It took a moment to disentangle everyone, John being careful not to go too fast and hurt you, but finally you were able to collapse together, sweaty and panting, spread out over the room. “So, cheered up now?” Brian asked from where he’d lain down on the carpet You peered over the edge of the bed at him, “Think so. Thanks for that, it was fun.” “Any time, love,” Roger chuckled from the end of the bed, patting your knee, “and I mean that.” “I’m not you groupie anymore,” “Never said you were,” “Then what?” “What Rog means,” John cut in from where he’d spread out on you window seat, “is that if you ever need cheering up or to let out some frustrations, we’re here. We’re happy to help,” “Does your help always involve a gangbang?” “Not always,” Brian laughed. “Well, a lot of the time,” Roger added with a wink. “I’ll keep it in mind,” you chuckled, “I’ll have to face my family at some point and there’s a high chance I’ll leave upset and frustrated so, we’ll see. Wonder how Freddie’s getting on with those calls.” “I’ll go give him a ring and find out,” Roger said, half groaning as he stood and stretched. He didn’t bother grabbing any of his discarded clothes before he left. “I’ll take Rog his pants,” John sighed as he got up and replaced his own underwear, exiting the room with an eyeroll, Roger’s underwear pinched between his thumb and pointer. “And I’ll...stay here?” Brian said, “unless you need anything?” “Nah, I’m going to jump in the shower. Let the other two know that’s where I am, would you?” “If you’re doing that, can I have the bed?” “Sure Bri,” you laughed, “as long as you promise to change the sheets when you wake up.”

#my writing #my fics #queen fanfic #queen smut #roger taylor x reader #roger taylor smut #brian may x reader #brian may smut #john deacon x reader #john deacon smut

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goodguydotmp3 · 4 years ago

Note

two questions: why don’t you like harry and do you really think harry villanized the weed video or do you think that was the people attempting to court him (azoffs)

Whew, this is a long one folx!

Why don’t you like Harry [Styles]?

Let me preface this response by saying that I’m a pretty new “fan” if one can still call me that. I got into the One Direction fandom in the summer of last year, and much of my opinions of the boys where shaped by fan reactions. After gathering more and more information however, I realized that the fandom and I were wrong about some things, and over hyping others.

Still, it wasn’t until this year that I actually broke out of the Harry-centric bubble to realize that the shady goings on where much worse than I originally thought. Add to this my realization that Harry’s music really doesn’t withstand the test of time, and that his persona is pretty Stagnant, and I’ve come to feel rather bamboozled.

Of course I know that the entire point of his PR team is to sway public opinion of him one way, and if I ate it up that was part of the plan. That doesn’t mean I have to like it. It also doesn’t mean I feel any less hurt about it. It also doesn’t mean that I like when other people fawn over him, as quite a lot of what I’m going to say has been public knowledge, and some of it before I was even a fan.

A. Music

Actually getting to a big part of the problem here, his music isn’t good. Well, not long term like I said in the preface. He doesn’t really have much of a vocal range despite being a singer for more than ten years. He does not care and acts like he does, often leading to him sounding like he’s screaming instead of singing. He’s lyrics are boring and flat, and his melodies are fine, they just don’t make up for his unmemorable lyrics. I personally think that the cause is him more heavily relying on song writers to fill in more in more, but that’s mostly because I don’t want to believe that the same person who wrote Happily and Olivia also wrote At the Dining Table and Treat People With Kindness, because that would just mean he’s getting worse or putting forth less effort.

Of course one could argue that I’m not a professional, I don’t have the necessary Jargon to correctly critique, and I’m no longer a singer so I can’t even do what he does. But to that I say fuck off. I know what sounds good! I know what I like!

Even more than that though, If you bought a product (non food), and you could only use that product for the first two weeks you bought it, you’d say it was a shit product! You’d scream from the rooftops that no one should ever buy this product because it’s crap! Well guess what? I pre-ordered Fine Line just to listen for two weeks and never pick it up again except for golden, she’s a funky tune every couple months.

Besides the test of time, there is still the subject of actual talent/listenability if you will. I feel there’s four main categories when I listen to music that makes it worth listening to

1.Amazing voice

2.Awesome lyrics

3.Funky/ cool ass melody/Beat

4.Catchy as hell

Now, a song doesn’t need to be all four, however the more they have the more likely I am to like the song. Also, I’ve said “main categories” because I’ve definitely had songs were I just through the beat drop was cool, or maybe the bridge was sick as hell, or maybe I just liked the pacing or the way the singer/singers stressed a note. Alternatively there is a sweet spot for me of super depressing lyrics but a melody/ that makes you want to dance. See: most of After Laughter by Paramore, Lola By Mika. But in general, those four usually make me love a song long term.

If it’s an album, it usually Just has to sound like it belongs on the same album/ tell a story. Like I really don’t like albums that sound like it’s just a playlist of songs personally. I should be able to listen to a song and go “oh yeah, that’s off --- album” or I didn’t like the album as a whole. An album is a bit like an outfit to me. It’s not going to be all tops, nor does it need to be monochromatic, but it does need to go together

For Example, I love Four as an album. I thought it was amazing. I still hate Spaces and Illusion. I hate both of their melodies, I don’t like the Illusion intro, I’m not to keen on those lyrics, and they’re definitely not catchy, I skip every time.

So taking that logic to Harry’s music, I think HS1 works very well as an album, almost all of the songs sound like they’re supposed to be there. And I hate every song but Kiwi. The lyrics are boring/don’t make a ton of sense, the melodies definitely don’t make up for that, he doesn’t have the range, and none of them are catchy! And then you get to Kiwi and she’s got that vibe you know? She’s a pop punk bop and I cannot fucking believe that Harry has one pop punk bop among unmemorable pop rock album.

Going to Fine line, It’s not as great as an album. There are some songs that don’t really feel like they fit? Like just going through the album, cherry doesn’t have any business being there? Like the lyrics fit sure, but what is that weird intro and outro? It probably would have been fine If the song didn’t have those two, but having them there upset the pace a bit I felt. And then there was Treat People With Kindness, which was really Jarring and doesn’t feel like it belongs on the album at all? It actually feels like it’s trying to be Kiwi - it’s loud and garish, and the lyrics are trying to be carefree, but! It just doesn’t work! TPWK sounds like Hippie music! Kiwi sounds like Brendon Urie could sing it and people would be like “good ol Panic!”. And then the album goes back down into Fine line the song, which again is Jarring because you’ve had this TPWK monstrosity right before it.

Then, looking at the overarching theme of his music, It’s whiny piss baby music He hates to take responsibility for his actions! It’s all in his lyrics! And don’t get me wrong, I love Honest lyrics, but not if the person is an asshole! LIke I fucking hate confessions by Usher specifically becasue he’s talking about how much he’s a piece of shit in the most whiny and piss baby way, making it all about him and no the people he hurt. I also really hate that one song that Zayn did with Usher and Chris Brown, because you have these awful men completely misunderstanding what it means to write a love song, and then you have Zayn at the very end all like “actually I really am in love tho…” Esp Chris browns verse! It boils down to “Hey I know I was a asshole seven billion times but I miss you tho :(“ GIRL BYE!

Harry sounds the exact same though, Except he can’t even blame himself for his own mistakes, and just wades through self pity about how the object of his affection won’t love him even though he didn’t even do anything except it wasn’t his fault and why are you still mad it wasn’t even his fault and he was young and reckless and drunk and horny. Like??? WRITE A NEW SONG TAYLOR SWIFT 2.0! There’s only so much you can repackage the same narrative before it becomes stale no Cinderella does not count keep that shit coming. And It really jumps out in his writing, even through 1d, although I will say there were some catchy beats, and awesome lines to keep him afloat back then. Although wtf was Walking in the Wind??? Choke!

Then there are the melodies I’m talking post wondee here which often give this 70’s pop rock vibe. Which fine I guess, it’s his brand, but that doesn’t make it interesting. Or new. Or fresh. Or an interesting take.

Now I completely understand relying on nostalgia to boost people’s opinion, but you could at leas have the decency to actually have good music. For Example, Miss you by Louis Tomlinson has a very distinctive pop rock feel, but it’s also an amazing song. Great lyrics, amazing voice, catchy liddle diddy that happens to be reminiscent of that 2005- 2010 punk pop/emo pop feel. Sour diesel has that like,,,basey 90s pop feel, and it fucking works with the lyrics, and of course his voice is beautiful. When Walls dropped and Lou put out that playlist of songs that were an inspiration, you can hear the influences when you listen to the album, but they’re also really good songs in their own right, with amazing lyrics, and Louis’ distinctive voice. Comparing that to Harry, it seems like he’s mostly relying on people’s nostalgia rather than actually good music.

Okay so this last point I’m making on music is a little petty but it’s been like a week and I’m still pissed about it so I’m saying it now. Someone said that Harry Styles is the best pop rock artist right now???? Just admit that you don’t listen to pop rock tf. Louis Tomlinson is right there. Brendon Urie is right there. Mika is right there. Haley Williams is right there. Janell Monae is right there. I don’t listen to a lot of pop rock lol but i feel my point has been made

B. Public Persona

He get’s so much clout! SO MUCH CLOUT! For doing the bare minimum (this is not specifically about the fandom, that’s for later)! People will write all these glowing reviews of him for him??? Being polite??? Like okay and? Just because a person is polite doesn’t mean they’re fucking Jesus??? There’s a million and one stories so i’m not fucking looking them up but there’s the pizza story and the fish story and the plane story and the snl story and the Stormzy story and the WS story on and on and on! Stop giving this man brownie points for basic human decency. “I didn’t expect him to be like that!” okay is that because of their perception of what a rock star is supposed to be like? Because in that case we need to start holding people accountable for being assholes. Or is it because he seems like an asshole. Cause valid.

I also don’t like him leaning so heavily on the queer image thing. Like! If that’s how he likes to express himself, Fine, But so much of it is just...so manufactured! And I Know I’ve heard people say oh well he wore the one rainbow on his lapel that one time or he wore the shirt or he wore the Keith Harring.

1. That Rainbow pin is sus as hell I don’t care what ya’ll say It absolutely screams set up, if he wanted to not be seen he would have not been seen

2. That goes for literally every other time. I can’t believe it’s not a set up to push a queer image. (that he profits from!)

3. If he actually did his homework on Keith Harring he’d know that the man was a predator, and he wouldn’t have worn those shirts. It seems so performative! To add to that, does he know now? If so, why isn’t he using his platform to correct his mistake? Why didn’t he come out and let people know not to buy Harring’s stuff??? He knows the pull he has! He absolutely could have been like “I’ve made a mistake, if you are looking for queer artists to support, here’s some” But he fucking doesn’t

4. To add on to that last part, It is actually sus that he gets to profit off of this queer image, and yet the only queer voices that he’s propping up are white gays. And then not even directly? Not a “queer artists, esp queer artists of color are important and need their voices boosted because they are the back bone of society” but this wink nod type of deal, where again, he mainly boosts white gays.like??? One queer black woman that doesn’t work for the Azoffs, and then a bunch of white gays. Like?? That’s not racist to anyone else???????Just me? okay.

Now from a professional point of view, it’s even worse. I’m not saying that artists can’t be campy or blurr gender lines, or imply that they ‘re queer subtly. But I think it’s fucking disrespectful to play both ends. Like, he profits off of using the queer image, all while Dancing around the subject, but then on the back end he never says that Homophobes/Transphobes aren’t allowed in his fandom. He gives this empty ass tpwk and then washes his hands of it.

Don’t get me wrong, I am always upset when people who have lots of queerphobes in their fandom bullying and harassing the actual queer people never say anything to let queerphobes know they’re unwelcome (clearly money is better than morals) but for me it’s an extra kick to the gut for it to literally profit Harry to seem queer. Look at that time that gay company sold out shirts in less than an hour,because harry was wearing it and tell me people aren’t throwing money at him because they feel he’s queer.

C. Fashion

This one is a really rough one for me because this is partially what drew me into Harry in the first place. But he’s really not all that in terms of fashion. He’s expensive certainly, but sometimes, the things that are more expensive are worse. Even When He’s not looking like a grandparent out on the town, his style is very dated, and yet he gets paraded around like he’s the freshest new thing?? Like who is his team paying of for him to get that many articles about how he’s fashion’s biggest star. And the thing is, his style is even dated for the mainstream. There’s already a post about how he copies prominent pop/pop rock stars of the 70s, which means that his style is 50 years old for the mainstream. Now don’t get me wrong, I think it’s totally fine if you’re addicted to seventies wear. I don’t think he should be heralded as this huge fashion star if his wardrobe is this dated

Even more than that. Gucci???? The Gucci with a history of Racism?? The Gucci with the child labor??? The Gucci with the 14 hour days Gucci??? Ugly ass Gucci????? Soulja Boy don’t even fuck with Gucci no more and he fuck with Gucci since like 2007. (although that was because of the racism, not cause it’s ugly)

I think that bothers me the most though. Like it’s not enough to exploit people, you also have to be tacky ugly and expensive???? For what??? @Gucci cease to exist please.

If Harry wants to be tacky ugly and expensive, that’s of course his rights to do so! But don’t act like he’s at the very pinnacle of fashion every time he does.

I’m actually always very conflicted about that. I personally prefer a style that’s very loud and campy and avant garde but like,,,,that ain’t it. Maybe it’s something you got it or ya don’t??? Like for example Billy Porter could wear a trashbag and make it work. The expensive sweaters and the slacks? The suits? Not a good look on one Harry Styles. Maybe it’s because they’re expensive sweaters and slacks and expensive suits. What are you, Ted from accounting??? Grow up.

D. Treat People With Kindness

Ugh this is the thing that pisses me off like the second to most. This phrase is so fucking empty. You could not have made up a more corporate mandated phrase if you fucking tried. It stands for nothing! Just like him!

Let’s break it down. “Treat people with kindness” is, at face value, a call to action. It’s asking you to do something. But it doesn’t actually tell you what to do!! So it’s pretty inoffensive! You don’t actually have to change your behavior in anyway for two main reasons:

1. What the hell is Kindness??? This phrase never actually says what it is??? It’s just this short little punchy thing that assumes you know what kindness is! What if you didn’t actually know? What if you have differing ideals of what is considered kindness? I mean to my mother, Misgendering me is kindness, but I don’t think that’s kindness. To my father, not letting his children have autonomy is kindness, but I don’t find that kind. And yet they could both use that phrase and feel confident that they go around treating people with kindness. After all they cooked dinner didn’t they? They smiled at Janice from public relations didn’t they? That’s kindness right?

2. It also assumes you know what “people” are. Queer people are people. Queerphobes don’t consider queer people, people. Racists aren’t going to consider some people, people. So they can continue their harassment and dehumanization of them and still be treating people with kindness, because they never harmed actual people (to them)

E. Harry bots

Bitch?? Corporate spies?? Tf ??? That’s not weird to ya’ll ?? I think the thing that shocked me more than someone from Colombia records admitting that he manufactures the hype around people signed to Colombia, is the fact that the Fandom been knew!!!! Ya’ll been knew and ya’ll wasn’t gon tell me???????? I just found out last week wtf????????

Another thing I don’t like about them Harry bots, is it’s one thing to hype up Harry, but why tf do they need to shit on the other boys??? Is it because they’re more talented, good looking, and charming??? How about you get good!!!! I esp hate that it’s usually Louis. What is Corporate’s obsession with putting Louis down like? What a bunch of fucking weirdos?? It’s not enough to be a Harry fan and live up his ass, I gotta hate Louis too?? You lost yo damn mind. If you reading this and you a spy? Die.

F. Capitalism

Honestly that should be the end of it but here the fuck we go I guess. Now I get that there is going to be some capitalism involved when you get music, especially mainstream music, there are tones of articles out there with people who used to be in the industry telling you about how fucking awful it is, all in the pursuit of money. (Which isn’t fucking real by the way! We made it up! People out here getting traumatized! Belittled! Bullied! Married off! So some corporation can make all the money! The Imaginary Credits! That we made up! I hate it here!)

But it’s another fucking thing to participate in a capitalist system? He invested into that one sleep app, even going to do one of the voice sessions (So you could have Harry Styles themed sleep paralysis) and you pay for that! He makes money off that! It’s not enough that you buy his mediocre music or his ugly ass merch, you also have to give him money through the sleep paralysis app.

Then there was that Google Camp for Rich People Only! I don’t even want to fucking hear that it was on Climate Change oh wow all the rich people took helicopters and Yachts to a resort with manicured lawns??? To talk about how they treat the environment? That’s not at all Counter intuitive! Not at all for show! Fucking disgusting.

Oh and the Covid Shirt! Really bitch??? You need to Profit off a deadly pandemic? Are you profiting off of AIDS next you fucking bastard. And he can of course get a tax write of for his “ charitable donation” fuck off.

G. Racism

This! This is the thing that gets me the most! YA’LL CAN EXCUSE RACISM???

No, I’m not talking about the Native American Headdress thing, that was plenty despicable on it’s own, No I’m talking about the on going racism. The whole, using black people for clout and then dropping them and never returning the favor when they sing his praises thing. Specifically I’m thinking of Sis the activist, Stormzy, and Lizzo.

The Lizzo thing pisses me off the most actually. I think it’s very fucking convenient that Harry started taking interest in Lizzo after there was uproar from black fans noting his hypocrisy of performing for Pepsi (Notoriously racist) and Having BLM sticker on his guitar. So he shows up at one of her concerts dressed like a senior citizen that got lost on the way to the retirement home bathroom. She looked fucking amazing and he couldn’t put forth the effort to at least not look senile. Then there was the covering of her songs, and then there was the cuddling up with her at the awards show. Funny how I haven’t seen any interaction after the fact! And Of course everyone forgot about the Pepsi concert! Fuck all the way off!!

Also! Are we just never going to talk about the fact that he didn’t comment on the blm protests earlier this year until his team could gauge whether or not it would be profitable to do so by DATA MINING HIS FAN BASE???? And then when he actually did he got the most praise for it, truly fucking hate it here. Also when he marched with those protesters he made sure we knew it was him. There were posts flouting around everywhere on how to best cover up to make yourself completely unrecognizable should you wind up on camera or fucking worse, get attacked by the police. Funny how Close Sprouse could follow the advice and not Harry? Also supper funny how he got the hell out of dodge before things got super bad and I have not heard anything on the matter since. Guess what Harry??? We’re still out here fighting for the rights to exist! Still wanna have a photo op while our own government tries to squash us with force????? This is like that Jenner Pepsi ad but with sunglasses and a pandemic.

H. Fandom

I think I would hate him less if I didn’t have to hear about him every hour of everyday. Stop Hyping this man so much. Even after unfollowing and blocking a bunch of Harries and Larries he’s all across my dash. And twitter. And insta. KURTIS CONNER FUCKING LIKES HIM I JUST WANTED CRACK CONTENT AND NOW LOOK.

I. Conclusion.

After writing all this I think the running theme is that Harry Styles isn’t even a person, he’s a brand. I do not like or trust brands! And I definitely don’t like being advertised to! Just like It’s fake as fuck when Absolut is all about queer rights, it’s fake as fuck when Harry does it too. Just like I know Target doesn’t actually care about Black lives, I know Harry doesn’t either. People are always like “oh he’s so nice!” no! He’s polite! There’s a difference. Zayn Is a truly kind person. Liam is a truly kind person. Louis is a truly kind person. It shines though so brightly all the time, and yet people are really out here worshiping the Brand Harry Styles.

Do I think It was Harry or The Azoffs throwing Zouis under the bus.

Truly doesn’t matter! Whichever one did it, Harry was totally fine with it! Which tells me that he doesn’t give a shit about anyone but himself. He’ll go along with anything as long as it gets him to the top, and that’s fucked up on one million and one levels

#hazza curly mchazzerson #This is like 4 thousand words #Have fun #Harry Styles

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dancingdeacyy · 4 years ago

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Could i get 16. "Is that my sweater?" With Roger Taylor please and thank you.

Took my time with this one but I hope you like it.

Remember I got this promt list from the talented @afictionaladventure16

16. Is that my sweater?

You were pissed and honestly you had the right to be, you had asked your boss for permission to leave the office early because you had to pick someone at the airport, being the asshole he is, he said yes at the begging and when you were about to leave, he arrived to your desk and asked you to stay a bit longer.

“This is one of our most important clients, y/n” he said crossing his arms “if you walk through that door now, don't bother coming anymore”

You were shocked, you had asked for his permission and now he's threatening you with firing you?

“I think i´ll stay a bit longer, but remember I have to go to the airport” you quietly remind him, scared of the man.

And you really had to go to the airport, your boyfriend, Roger, was finally coming home after a 3 months tour, saying you missed him was an understatement.

You remained in your desk a few minutes, playing with your fingers and drinking some awful coffee, you were unhappy and the current situation made you feel worse, you´re man is finally coming home and you´re stuck in front of a pile of papers you haven’t read in a job that pays you a fraction of what you deserved, but you can quit, you don't want to use Roger´s money, you wanted to have yours even though this job barely gives you money.

You were consumed in your thoughts when you looked at the clock, 9 pm, Roger must have arrived a few minutes, you had to call him.

The phone ringed a few times and that soft yet rough voice you love so much finally answered.

“My love” he said “Is everything alright?” he asked worried, he was definitely waiting for you to be standing in the airport, you hate letting him down, it broke your heart.

“Rog, ´m stuck at work” you said in a whisper “I don't know when i'll get home, ´m sorry” you said with your voice breaking a little.

“The asshole is giving you a hard time?” and all you can answer was a soft ´hmp´ but Roger knew perfectly what it meant.”You know what i'm about to say, don't you?”

You knew indeed, Roger always said that you should quit, look for a new job where your talent and skills are appreciated.

“I can't Rog, you know I hate giving up” you couldn't see him but you were sure he was smiling, remembering all the times you´ve worked hard to get what you want, you always get what you want, except when it comes to your job, of course.

“y/n, my love, you know I live for you” he started to say softly, he always did that when he's being all soft with you but doesn't want the guys to find out he can be soft, “I'll be more than happy to provide you” and you knew he meant it.

“How are you going to get home?” You change quickly the subject and hear Roger giggle, you may get what you want, but you hate talking about something you don't want to.

“Chrissie is here, I may ruin their mood, but they´ll take me there” he said laughing, he loves annoying Brian.

“I´m sorry love, don´t wait for me, go to sleep” I said still sad.

“Think about what I told you, you deserve better” he said softly, I knew he was being serious.

After the phone call ended you remained on your chair.

Every moment of anger, stress or anxiety produced by your job or your boss played in your head and Roger´s word became clearer with every second and before realizing what you were doing, your coat was on and you were picking up your purse.

“I'm going sir.” you said knocking on his door. “Have a good night” you said sarcastically

“Are you sure? you´ll be fired miss y/l/n” he said looking at you with his glasses resting on his nose.

“Oh don´t bother firing me, I quit” you said stepping out of the office, finally proud of yourself, you laughed as you ran to the car, excited to see Roger and nervous about the future.

The car ride was loud, Queen's latest album was blasting and you were screaming the lyrics at the top of your lungs, you were euphoric and you loved the feeling.

When you arrived home you noticed all the lights were off, Roger´s shoes were at the door, he was home, finally.

You carefully walked to your room.

If you were happy a few minutes ago, now you were out of your mind, Roger´s hair all tangled covered his face, his bare chest was softly illuminated by the moon light and small snores were coming out of his mouth.

This is where you belong,

You walked to stand by his side, smiling at the view, when you noticed a pink sleeve coming out of the bed, you tried to pull it out slowly but Roger woke up.

“Is that my sweater?” was the first thing you attempted to say when you pulled out the baby pink sweater, it was your favorite, you used it all the time.

“It smells like you, love” he said, pouting and making some cute grabby hands trying to reach for it, still in his sleep.”I wanted to hold you, but the only thing I could find was your sweater”

Saying your heart melted was and understatement, Roger was the one, you knew it, you could feel it in every inch of your body.

“Maybe a kiss will be better?” you asked, taking your clothes off.

“We are about to find out gorgeous” he said sitting on the edge of the bed and holding your wait. You straddle him, the fun thing about it is that nothing felt sexual, just pure love, you missed the feeling of his skin against yours, his hands running through your hair and his lips on yours.

“I quitted” you told him, putting your head on the crook of his neck.

“I knew it” he said smiling and you looked up at him, questioning. “You know what's best for you and I think my words remind you of it” he said proudly.

Indeed, his words were the reason why you decided on it.

“And… I know you hate being unemployed and you want your own money and blah, blah... “ he said giggling making his nose look all cute, you left a kiss in it and smiled at him, “That's why I spoke with John Reid, the accounting crew may need your help, Reid was more than happy to accept the offer”

Your eyes were flooded and your smile was making your cheeks hurt, no words came out of your mouth except a soft “thanks” and you threw yourself at Roger’s arms.

“You can tour with me around the world, I promise you’ll have the life you’ve always wanted” he said laying you down and leaving a trail of kisses on your jawline.

“You are what i’ve always wanted” you said kissing his gorgeous pink lips “Go back to sleep so we can cuddle” you told him caressing his nape.

“Your wishes are my commands” he said laying on his back and holding you close, your head on his chest, listening to his heartbeats and feeling his hand smoothly running up and down your arm, you were happy.

“I love you” you said leaving a kiss right above his heart.

“I love you even more, princess” he kissed the top of your head.

#brian may imagine #brian may x reader #classic rock bands #roger taylor x reader #rock icons #the beatles #brian may x reader smut #roger taylor smut #roger taylor fanfic #roger taylor #queen band #john deacon x reader #freddie mercury

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marvelous-tunes · 3 years ago

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I don't know if it's unpopular or not, but I hate the scrapped TS6 theory. I think she was pretty clear that she had no idea how to follow up 1989 and was planning a break and talked about struggling to write until suddenly ... for some reason ;) ... hitting a ream of inspiration for reputation. It's partly why I think there might not be many vault songs for rep - I'm perfectly prepared to be wrong about that though!

I also hate the Woodvale theory (but that's more about people ignoring things Taylor specifically said).

Omg you and me both. I hate the scrapped ts6 theory. It discounts reputation and in my opinion is pretty disrespectful towards taylor - especially because, if I’m remembering correctly, people were using this theory as a sort of justification for why rep wasn’t as good of an album as they were expecting (since when rep first came out I think the general opinion was that rep was her worst album/people didn’t like it; luckily this has changed since). So people saying, “oh she didn’t initially intend to release this album, there was another one planned” became a way for them to basically say “this is why rep isn’t that great” which is obviously problematic. I saw a relatively big taylor Twitter account state the scrapped ts6 theory basically as fact recently and it just upset me

Concerning woodvale — it honestly really pissed me off because as you said, taylor was very clear that it was not real. Even before Taylor explicitly said that it was a mistake, that woodvale was a placeholder for the actually album title, it would have made zero sense for “woodvale” to be in the works because folklore happened so organically — it was not planned at all. So for Taylor to have a THIRD album planned made absolutely no sense; she didn’t even have evermore planned. I thought that when evermore was released people might let go of the woodvale theory because in the introduction she literally said something like “this wasn’t planned, I thought I was making songs that might end up on Big Red Machine’s album” which obviously implies that she was still just making music without any set plans and thus, it was not realistic for her to have a third album planned before the first one was even released since she didn’t even have a second one on the table. But what made the woodvale theory even more infuriating was, after taylor shut it down on colbert — and literally said she was “so tired” after making two whole albums and a live movie — people still were insistent on it. That’s just disrespectful, especially considering everything she had given us. To me, it was like people saying, “give us more!” When she had done so much already.

#sorry I always write so much #but I’m pretty passionate about my hatred about these two things #asks #unpopular opinion

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jenniferdiazisatransgirl · 4 years ago

Text

My Journey

Hey everyone, As you will likely know by now I am a trans woman and I live in the UK where lately trans people have been under significant scrutiny by the press, government and groups claiming to be acting in the name of feminism.

One of the arguments used when not directly attacking trans people, is that the medical institutions that help us in the UK fast track us through transition, even the NHS and I know so many trans people in this country that I can say without a shadow of a doubt this is not true. This includes a significant number who have been under the care of Tavistock and Portman, the under 18s service which was recently banned from giving its patients hormone blockers without the approval of the courts.

But anyway, I’m gonna share my story and how lengthy the process actually is and I will warn ahead of time this deals with suicidal ideation, gatekeeping, mental health, etc. So proceed with caution. This will also be a long post.

September/October 2008

I can’t remember which month but it was just before my 16th birthday, my Dad encouraged me to go to my GP regarding my gender dysphoria. I lived with my transphobic Mum at the time and had to go behind her back which was terrifying to say the least. I saw a doctor called Dr Moulsher and explained everything I was going through and his response was, “I don’t think the NHS funds any of this.” He was very ignorant on trans issues but it actually fortunately worked out in my favour, I got lucky, I know, but he just wanted me off of his hands.

I explained in Sheffield there was a GIC (gender identity clinic) operated by the NHS known as Porterbrook and he was just like, “Oh right. Well I’m more than happy to refer you but they likely won’t see you till you are 18.”

He asked me some questions, wrote up a detailed report and put in the referral to “get the ball rolling” as he worded it.

I was terrified at the time of the referral letter going to my home address though and he was like, “Well it needs to be sent somewhere.” So he agreed to send it to my grandparents address.

Later That Year

About a month or so later a letter arrived at my grandparents saying I had been accepted onto Porterbrook’s waiting list, explaining it is substantially long, that they wouldn’t be able to see me till I’m 18, etc. Your typical boiler plate stuff. Also as I understand it they don’t typical accept referrals for under 18s so I got lucky there. I remember getting so excited when I got my letter though, that I took it into school to show all of my friends.

Back then it was a requirement that I have a mental health assessment while on the waiting list though. So I returned to Dr Moulsher who I had become rather comfortable with and had made him my regular GP. He made a referral to the local mental health clinic and that was that.

January/February 2009

A letter came in the post asking me to ring to book at appointment at the local mental health clinic. I couldn’t ring from home cos my Mum would overhear and she was spying on me a lot at the time due to really being against the fact I’m trans. My school - which was a Catholic school shockingly enough - had already decided my home environment had become so toxic that I needed removing from my Mum’s care. They would be a process that wouldn’t be completed till June 2010 but yeah, it had got that bad. Anyway, I ended up asking the school receptionist if I could ring on their phone to book the appointment. That was booked for February.

The appointment was a weird one to say the least. The doctor asked me a quite a lot of questions but these are the ones that stuck out.

So with this first one, I am going to preface with that as far as I am aware, I am white and of white ancestry for all the generations I know of. However I do have remarkably curly hair that left to its own devices grows into an afro (or at least what looks like an afro). So the first set of questions that stood out; Dr: What’s your mother’s ethnicity? Me: White British.

Dr: Sorry, did you say Afro-Caribbean? Me: No. White British. Dr: And your father’s ethnicity? Me: White British. Dr: Sorry, was that Afro-Caribbean?

Me: Nope. White British.

Not really sure how you can get Afro-Caribbean and White British verbally mixed up but he seemed very adamant at least one of my parents must be Afro-Caribbean.

He then later goes;

Dr: Do you have a partner?

Me: Yes.

Dr: Are they male or female?

Me: I have a girlfriend.

Dr: Then you can’t be trans. You can’t be trans if you like girls.

Me: What about lesbians?

Dr: That’s beside the point.

Shockingly, in the end he agreed with my GP’s assessment that I am trans but Jesus, as you can probably guess from above that mental health assessment was a minefield of weird.

24th October 2010

In June 2010, I was finally removed from my Mum’s care at the age of 17 and placed in supported housing and on the date about I got a phone call from Porterbrook GIC on my 18th birthday no less, inviting me to my first appointment in November.

22nd June 2012

I legally changed my name and title by deed poll to Miss Lily Nichole Robinson.

22nd October 2012

I’d now been at Porterbrook for almost 2 years, had lots of appointments, most of which repeated the same mundane questions and it had started to feel like nothing was ever going to change. I had become increasingly depressed and suicidal and I had decided that if nothing had changed by my 20th birthday I was going to take my own life. I did not want to enter my 20s still living my life as a man. I didn’t want to lose another year of my life.

I remember this date exactly, not because I marked it in my calendar but because Taylor Swift’s album “Red” came out that morning. Despite everything, I was dancing along to 22 that morning while ironing some clothes, before I headed off to Porterbrook. I didn’t really feel like it mattered, I was going to kill myself 2 days later but I figured what is the harm in going through the motions one last time.

I sat there, trying not to let on how miserable I was, didn’t see the point in letting them in on how I was feeling. Nothing would change.

I remember being asked some really gross questions that day though. I got asked if I masturbated and I just declined answering. When challenged I was just like, “I maybe trans and I may hate that equipment but I’m a human being. I still have sexual urges. What do you think the answer is.”

The appointment though, shockingly ended with them telling me they were going to put me on hormones. I was gonna get my estrogen. It was enough to give me a reason to keep on living.

But just bare in mind how close I got to taking my own life there. 2 days away from my 20th birthday. Also it took almost 2 years for them to say they’d be placing me on hormones.

January/February 2013

In January, I had my bloods taken to get a baseline and I was told about options for storing gametes. I did decide to consider this but in the end it ended up being too costly for me at the time. So in February, on a day it was snowing I got the train and was adamant the snow was not stopping me getting to Porterbrook and I had an appointment with the head clinician, Dr Kevin Wylie.

He oddly listed all the testosterone blocker options to me with side effects and risks and all the estradiol options to me with side effects and risks. In the end I chose Cyproterone Acetate for my blocker and Estradiol Valerate pills for my hormones.

50mg per day of Cyproterone Acetate and 2mg per day of Estradiol Valerate. I was ecstatic and took them both the second I got on the bus 😊

May 2013

Slightly unrelated to the medical process but just 3 months in and my mental health had improved drastically. Since I was removed from my Mum’s care I had become a bit of a shut in. I didn’t have any friends, my anxiety was through the roof, I was insanely depressed and I just avoided everything and everyone, only leaving my house for work. Hormones changed that though, I just felt so much happier and I also remember that Spring just being like really vividly aware of the colours of all the flowers and plant life for like the first time in my life. I actually wanted to go out and social and make friends and there was a local LGBT youth group for 18-25 year olds that I decided to join and I started to have and social life again. And by September 2013 I started university and soon came getting drunk with the LGBT Liberation Group at the various socials. I was happy and finally starting to feel like myself.

2013 - 2016

Porterbrook became very gatekeepy in the final stage of my transition. They didn’t like how I dressed. Apparently girls wear dresses while I preferred jeans, t-shirts and hoodies. I didn’t like wearing make-up. I wasn’t the 1950s image of a girl that Porterbrook seemed to expect. I actually have a trans guy friend who around the same time had been told he couldn’t start on testosterone unless he cut his hair short, cos apparently men don’t have long hair.

It pissed me off to no end because I transitioned to be me, not to be a performance of how the world thinks a woman should be. I refused to give ground on how I dressed, etc but in the end I ended up telling a few white lies to get past the final level of gatekeeping. And I can’t remember most of this dates as they happened while uni was going on in the background. But eventually Porterbrook gave me the go ahead for surgery, about 6 months later I had my second opinion and then I was referred for surgery.

January 2016

I had my pre-surgery assessment at Nuffield Health Brighton and I was told if I wanted I could have my surgery as early as March 2016. Due to university though, this proved a bit too soon and the date was pushed to June 2016.

22nd June 2016

The day before the EU Referendum I had my gender reassignment surgery. I don’t actually remember feeling all that ecstatic after the surgery. There was lot of pain and I was on a lot of drugs. But a friend, Rosie, who I hadn’t seen since high school lived in the area and she was at my bedside when I woke up. I was in hospital a week and had 3 months of recovery ahead of me.

Post Surgery 2016

Having surgery had been great, things finally felt right. My entire body felt right for once but I had tunnel visioned my life towards surgery and put a lot of stuff on the back burner and had some major post-surgery depression so I sort counselling at my university to get through these issues and once that was sorted I felt a lot more stable in myself and like nothing was in my way.

October 2016

I put in my application for my Gender Recognition Certificate only for it to get rejected because they did not like the assessment from Porterbrook GIC and Dr Wylie who wrote the assessments was off on leave. Me and a nurse had to sit down and look through my medical record to find a medical report they might accept and we finally found one. However they wouldn’t say what was wrong with the original which made Porterbrook kinda stumped on what was wrong.

February 2017

I received my Gender Recognition Certificate and my new Birth Certificate.

March 2017

I was discharged from Porterbrook GIC.

For those who are under the impression gender reassignment is a fast process it isn’t, it took me 8 years and 6 months start to finish, from initially seeing my GP at 15 to finally being discharged from Porterbrook GIC at the age of 24. It is a long ass process with a shit tone of gatekeeping and honestly going through the process as it stands isn’t something I’d wish on my worst enemy. When I was discharged from Porterbrook GIC in 2017 my first thought was, “I’m free. I’m finally in control of my own life.” As up until that point, I felt I had no autonomy and that my life and happiness was in the hands of doctors. It was miserable.

But there it is.

#trans woman #transgender #my life #uk #trigger warning #long post #miscellaneous

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alwayssaywhatever · 4 years ago

Text

I made a playlist for my fanfic

Art by my friend Ferbiie. She’s amazing and did this as a surprise and she’s incredibly talented. So go follow her tumblr, her account on Insta for drawings: littlesweetdrawings and read her fanfics at A03.

So, some of you know that I‘m writing Mystic Messenger Fanfic. I just decided to create a playlist to my wip, Wine and Cigarettes, a JuminxZen Fanfic.

There’s a few songs per chapter, and I decided to post the list here with a few notes about each of them.

There are spoilers for the chapters on the song’s choices and explanation. I suggest you go read first and then come back here.

1- Underneath The Mistletoe

A Lovely Night - La La Land Soundtrack (The hate-love dynamics in the beginning of their relationship and the RFA being on a lovely Christmas Night).

Gorgeous - Taylor Swift (Jumin feeling conflicted about Zen)

Daddy Issues - The Neighbourhood (I think the lyrics say everything, they are lonely, ygot issues.)

Nervous - Shawn Mendes (“You make me nervous and piss me off”)

Underneath the Mistletoe - Sia (I found this one today and found cute and it’s the name of the chapter)

2- Silence and Anxiety

Toxic - Britney Spears (Zen still wondering what happened on their first kiss)

Troublemaker - Olly Murs ft. Flo Rida (Zen knowing that JUmin could be trouble)

His Status is… Preferred - Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Cast (I love this show CEG and decided to put some fun songs in the middle of this playlist and the lyrics describe Jumin well from Zen’s pov)

broken - lovelytheband (I add this one on the list after reading this fic “Trust fund party” link: https://bit.ly/3iQtXis)

Into You - Ariana Grande (Zen wondering if he should make a move before the second kiss)

3- French Cuisine

Crush - Tessa Violet (I love her music and this album, the fluff, thinking about each other)

I Like (the idea of) You - Tessa Violet (more fluff, the texting each other)

Do I Wanna Know? - Arctic Monkeys (Even if they already kissed each other twice, there’s the question if the other feels the same way, the same intensity)

I Wanna Be Yours - Arctic Monkeys (The end of the dinner)

Animal - Chase Holfelder (it’s a cover from Neon Trees and I like the slowed down version, it gets sexier)

4- Birthday Date

I Really Like You - Carly Rae Jepsen (few weeks of dating, the beginning of liking someone)

Absolutely Smitten - dodie (same from the one before)

Dive - Ed Sheeran (the fear of falling fast and too intensely for someone, wanting to make sure the other feels the same)

Talk Too Much - COIN (I love this one and thought it was too cute)

5- Confessions and Fried Chicken

Make Me Like You - Gwen Stefani (the whole panic before saying “I Love You”)

Stupid Love - Lady Gaga (fine, I love you, so what?)

Shut Up and Dance - WALK THE MOON (Zen basically saying this song before they dance together)

Baby I’m Yours - Barbara Lewis (the song that appears at the chapter, it speaks for itself)

6- The Storm After the Calm

You Deserve Better - James Arthur (Jumin thinking about leaving Zen, insecurities and fear)

Just Give Me a Reason - P!nk ft. Nate Ruess (Zen asking what’s wrong and why they are breaking up. P!nk’s lines are Jumin and Nate’s lines are Zen)

Before You Go - Lewis Capaldi (Zen asking if there was something he could do to stop the break up)

ok on your own - mxmtoon ft. Carly Rae Jepsen (the whole lyrics it’s a mix between their feelings)

7- Broken Promises

We don’t talk Anymore - Charlie Puth ft. Selena Gomez (“Every now and then I think you might want me to come show up at your door, but I'm just too afraid that I'll be wrong”)

I Was an Island - John-Allison Weiss (Zen’s pov for the lyrics)

Words Ain’t Enough - Tessa Violet (Jumin made promises with words, but his actions proved them otherwise. They broke up saying that they still loved each other)

Death By A Thousand Cuts - Taylor Swift (Zen again: “'Cause saying goodbye is death by a thousand cuts; flashbacks waking me up; I get drunk, but it's not enough”)

EX - Kiana Ledé (More Zen: “Just 'cause it's different and we're not the same; Doesn't mean things have to change; I got no trouble with my pride, got trouble cutting ties”)

8- RFA’s New Members

dream of you - mxmtoon (I love her music and had to have her here too and it’s sad. The lyrics really mean everything)

i miss you - mxmtoon (the lyrics also say everything on this one)

Dress - Taylor Swift (“Our secret moments in your crowded room; They've got no idea about me and you”)

I Won’t Give Up - Jason Mraz (Zen still has hopes, so he joins the RFA)

9- A Night of Regrets

Maniac - Conan Gray (pretty much the fight from the chapter)

Walls Could Talk - Halsey (The fight gain)

Horny Angry Tango - Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Cast (the sexual tension of the fight)

We Should Definetly Not Have Sex Right Now - Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Cast (the title and the lyrics are pretty straight forward)

MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT - Monsta X (this happens after this chapter and before the next chapter. It’s not healthy, but continue to hook up)

Circles - Post Malone (the same bas from the last song, but this time Zen believes he has to put an end to all of this)

10- The Consequences To Their Actions

Never Really Over - Katy Perry (Zen thinking about the bad cycle of their hookups, but also still having feelings for Jumin)

Strangers - Halsey ft. Lauren Jauregui (Halsey lines are Zen and Lauren’s lines are Jumin)

Getaway Car - Taylor Swift (Jumin talking about their relationship was doomed from the beginning)

Mercy - Shawn Mendes (Zen demanding explanations about them, if they have a future)

Say Something - A Great Big World ft. Christina Aguilera (Zen pleading for answers)

Please Don’t Leave Me - P!nk (Jumin not wanting Zen to leave)

It Was a Shit Show - Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Cast (Zen admitting that their relationship was flawed and it should be over)

11- Comfort in an Unexpected Place

Perfect Illusion - Lady Gaga (Zen being mad about their second time was not feeling and just something casual)

Truth Hurts - Lizzo (Zen complaining to Seven)

Good as Hell - Lizzo (Seven giving advice to Zen)

Kill This Love - BLACKPINK (feeling empowered after deciding not to cry about his ex anymore. “His love is my favorite; But you plus me; Sadly can be dangerous”)

We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together - Taylor Swift (putting the final stone and saying it’s over forever)

12- Kind Eyes and Good Advice

Strawberries and Cigarettes - Troye Sivan (the song that inspired the title of the fic. I could be the two singing, but Jumin is thinking about: “strawberries and cigarettes always taste like you”)

Someone You Loved - Lewis Capaldi (Jumin is all the lyrics, but this one really hurts: “I guess I kinda liked the way you numbed all the pain”)

Falling - Harry Styles (Jumin drinking and blaming himself. “And I get the feelin' that you'll never need me again”)

Ex - Stray Kids (the moment I heard this song I thought about Jumin singing this. The MV on youtube has the lyrics in English ;])

13- When a Door Closes…

i hate u, i love u - gnash ft. Olivia O’Brien (this chapter it’s more about the characters and Rika, but it’s also the first time in six months that the two saw each other and I love this song so much)

14- …Someone Breaks Through a Window

Strange Love - Halsey (RFA wondering why the two fight so much and Zen reflects about their past)

When I Was Your Man - Bruno Mars (Jumin thinking about the things he could’ve done better)

Talking to the Moon - Bruno Mars (Zen thinking about the two of them after all this time)

Somebody That I Used to Know - Gotye ft. Kimbra (they being annoyed at the the other, their fights and bickerings on the chat rooms)

I will reblog this post when I add more songs to the playlist. I’ve already updates chapters 15 and 16 but I still didn’t know wich songs to add, so this is it for now.

There is a tag for the fic and I’ll update everything there as well.

I hope you enjoyed this journey into my mind. This songs helped me write and maybe I’ll have some drawing to complete this whole work.

#fanfic #fanfiction #mystic messenger #jumin han #zen #hyun ryu #han jumin #ryu hyun #jumin x zen #zen x jumin #juzen #juminzen #playlist #spotify #wine and cigarettes #my fic updates

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