#i used to but now im just tired of the show
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( drabble ) ̨ give me a chance ! ୨୧ 一 황현진 ՞
⸃ ⸰ ⌁ hyunjin is tired of you not giving him a chance ヾ
bestfriend!hyunjin・ reader g ・ smut cw ・ mean dom hyune, unprotected sex, degradation wc ・ 0.8k | click to library
request. can i rq mean dom hyune x his slutty best friend reader idk the plot but ... yeah smut 😃
「 ୨୧ authors note 」 i hope you like it <3 !!!
hyunjin supported everything you did; of course, as his best friend of many years, he supported all your doings. even if that meant listening to you go on and on about your latest fuck with a random dude in a bar — or the random man from tinder that you invited back to your home to fuck , or any of the random men you fuck weekly … yeah he listened to all of it — even if he dreamed of being one of the guys you fucked, maybe being the only guy you fucked.
“when i tell you he was big, hyunjin he was huge.” he sat barely listening to you talk as you laid on his bed , legs swinging off the side of his bed. “i feel like there’s a but to this?” he heard you sigh. “he couldn’t for the life of me make me cum.” you had no problem getting the guy; you just had trouble finding the right guy, a guy who get you there. “it’s like if you’re gonna have a big dick at least use it right, i thought all guys with big dicks knew to use them.”
maybe it was the slight buzz he had from the soju that was sitting on the nightstand; or maybe it was because your boobs we’re about to slip from your tank top, but it was like his mouth moved before his brain could even register what to say. “just because a guy has a big dick doesn’t mean he knows how to use it.” he said. “you’ve fucked about 10 guys with quote big dicks and none of them made you cum, i thought you would’ve figured it out already.”
“you’re saying that like you know someone with a big dick and can use it.” your tank top strap falling down your shoulders, you smirked. “oh i do.” he said, hand coming up to your shoulder strap — the tension in the room suddenly changing and his eyes darkening as he grabbed the strap. “but you’re too busy slutting yourself out to random dudes to notice.” he yanked down the strap, your boobs finally free from the shirt. “hyune!”
you tried to cover your bust, but he was quick to slap your hands away. “finally get to see those tits you love showing other dudes.” you should've pushed him away, you were his best friend, it was highly inappropriate. but as he pushed you back , climbing on top of you and you actually got a feel of his hard cock — you quickly forgot about that and allowed him to pull all your clothes off.
“giving your body to just anyone who looks your way.” he slapped your bare cunt. “not even looking my way once.” he growled, grabbing the base of his cock, stroking himself. “messy fucking pussy, you just get wet for any guy don’t you?” you moaned as he used the pad of his thumb rubbing little circles on your bud. “ju-just you.”
“just me?” he smirked, rubbing his cock up and down your slit. “you mean you weren’t even wet when you were fucking them?” he teased you by pushing his tip into your hole. “just left them use you as a cum dump?” he pushed the rest of his cock inside you. “fuck!” both of you moaned out. “fuck you’re tight , clearly they weren’t that big , your little pussy is quivering right now, struggling to take my fat cock.” he groaned , slowly moving his hips. “this is what a real big cock is supposed to feel like.”
you weren’t gonna lie, he definitely was the biggest yet, his cock was stretching you out. “s-so big.” he chuckled condescendingly. “i know.” he cursed as he pulled out. “im about to ruin this pussy for anyone else.” he slammed back inside forcing his cock all the way in. “fucking slut.” he hissed , moving his hips , pulling your shirt down letting your boobs bounce freely. “tired of listening to how you slut yourself out.” he groaned. “you wanna be a slut , gonna fuck you like one.”
his hand coming up to your throat, squeezing as his cock bullied your sweet spot. “fuck fuck fuck!” you screamed. “to-too much hyune.” he didn’t slow down though, his thrust were relentless. “take it slut.” he cursed. “if you can take all those random dudes' cocks you can take mine.”
you were a mess; tears streaming down your face, the way his hips snapped against yours, his hands slapping your clit. “you’re crying? my dick is making you go dumb?” babbling nonsense as you felt your orgasm approaching. “fuck your pussy is squeezing me, you gonna cum slut?” you nodded. “cum. cum all over my cock.” your legs shook as you came, but he didn’t stop. “im not done.” he groaned. “you came but i didn't and don’t plan on stopping anytime soon.”
“gonna use this pussy as my own personal cumdump.”
©️LUVYENI
#stray kids x reader#stray kids smut#skz hard hours#skz smut#stray kids hard hours#stray kids hard thoughts#skz hard thoughts#skz drabbles#skz scenarios#hyunjin x you#hwang hyunjin smut#hyunjin smut#hyunjin x female reader#hyunjin hard thoughts#hyunjin hard hours#hwang hyunjin x reader
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The sins of one were the sins of all
(Honestly I wrote this because my girl just needs a fucking hug and IM TIRED😭🙏🏾)
Themes: jinx x fem reader, hurt and comfort, we braiding her hair twin.
Didn’t proof read this or nothing I just cooked.
Navigating the dim, twisting pathways of the underground wasn’t how you planned to spend your day, but finding Jinx was all that mattered now. As you searched, a place suddenly came to mind. a spot she’d likely retreat to, a familiar hideaway.
Without hesitation, you picked up the pace, heading straight for the Last Drop and slipping in through the back door.
Your footsteps reverberated off the walls as you climbed the narrow staircase toward Silco’s office. In the past, just approaching this door would have made your skin crawl, the weight of his presence heavy and unsettling. But now… that feeling was gone, vanished with him the night he was killed.
All that remained was an empty silence behind the door, where his shadow used to linger.
Your fingertips lightly grazed the door before you pushed it open, the creak echoing in the empty room, confirming what you already suspected…Silco’s office was vacant.
You’d hoped to find Jinx here, but a part of you knew it was a long shot. Still, as you stepped inside, your eyes fell on the desk, where a map lay scattered with Jinx’s chaotic scribbles, a sign she’d been here recently.
Almost on instinct, you reached for the map, lifting it carefully with both hands, including the hexcore-tainted one. You usually kept it hidden beneath your cloak, the sight of it stirring a mix of frustration and shame. Someday, you knew, you’d have to accept it. but for now, it stayed mostly in shadow, a reminder of what you’d become.
“This is the first time I’ve seen your hand in years.” The voice jolted you, and before you knew it, you’d hurled a dagger in her direction, missing the blue-haired woman by barely an inch.
Catching your breath, you glared. “I’ve been searching everywhere for you, and now you decide to show up?” Annoyance laced your words. She slid smoothly off the beam, landing on the desk. That’s when you noticed her long hair was loose, spilling over her shoulders and onto the desk—no braids, just a cascade of untamed blue.
She caught you staring and raised an eyebrow. “I was trying to braid it back, but… Silco always did that for me.” Her raspy voice betrayed no hint of vulnerability; it was like a wall she always kept up around you.
You hesitated, almost tempted to ask why she kept her walls up in the first place, but you knew better than to press her boundaries.
Jinx stared at the ground, her eyes shadowed and distant, tracking your movements as you stepped behind the desk and eased into the old, creaking chair. When your fingers brushed her hair, she flinched, jerking back just slightly. You couldn’t help but wonder if, beneath that tough exterior, she was still afraid.
You’d known each other since she went by “Powder,” before the undercity had forced both of you to grow hard and cold.
You’d come to Zaun after being cast out of Piltover, your family’s sins leaving you no choice. You weren’t like them, but in Piltover, the sins of one were the sins of all. Survival in the undercity was brutal, especially for a kid, and you still remembered how close you’d come to losing your life again and again.
But then, like a spark in the dark, she had come barreling into your life. small but fierce, her blue hair a shock of color in the dim streets. Powder, a kid with more guts than anyone you’d ever known. And on that night, she’d been your savior. A little bomb in her hand, tossed without hesitation, scattering the men who meant to hurt you.
That tiny blast had done more than drive them off. it had bound you and Powder together, two lost souls in the chaos of Zaun.
Back then, she was just another lost kid who had found purpose under Silco’s wing. The pain in her eyes had been unmistakable, a pain you recognized all too well. It was the same haunted look your mother had worn the day she brought ruin upon your family.
If you were being honest with yourself, you’d only decided to toughen up that day because you couldn’t stand the idea of being outdone by someone younger, someone with less to lose. She was three years your junior, but her boldness had sparked something in you, forcing you to swallow your fear and find strength you didn’t know you had. Unlike her, though, you’d never bent the knee to some ruthless leader. You carved your own path, becoming a gun for hire, bound to nothing and no one.
Over the years, you’d killed without hesitation, Piltover elites and undercity rogues alike. Survival demanded sacrifice, and you were willing to make it.
Every now and then, your paths would cross, and you’d catch glimpses of the girl who once called herself “Powder,” now transformed into Silco’s weapon. Meanwhile, you had grown too, honing your skills and eventually joining the Firelights, giving your life a new sense of direction.
Now, with the undercity on the brink, chaos breaking loose at every turn, you looked up from your thoughts to find jinx’s back facing you, her head slightly turned seeing her violet eyes sharp and curious. “What are you doing?” she asked, her voice carrying an edge of suspicion.
“Braiding your hair, if you’d just sit still,” you replied, fingers deftly weaving through her loose blue strands. Her hair, soft but tangled, For a moment, she held still. watching you work with an expression you couldn’t quite read, letting you bring order to just one small piece of her wildness. You were lucky you still had some skill in this, after all the times you’d braided the younger kids’ hair back in the Firelights’ hideout. Your hands knew how to be gentle, even if the rest of you had learned to be anything but.
As you worked, Jinx’s voice broke the silence. “Every day, he had me making something for him. Or doing that stupid eye thing of his, even though he could’ve done it himself,” she muttered, bitterness edging her words as she thought about all the things she’d done for Silco.
You could see the weight of his lies on her, the way they’d sunk deep. She’d believed him completely—why wouldn’t she?
“My mother expected perfection from me,” you said softly, finding a rare thread of common ground. “One slip, one failure, and I was nothing but a disappointment to her.” For a moment, it felt like you and Jinx were standing on the same edge, each of you marked by different scars but both shaped by people who’d held you to impossible standards.
Both of you had been praised for your minds, raised to rise above, only to lose it all. And when you needed someone most, they had all turned away.
“You were just some Piltover rat. You don’t know a damn thing about what it takes to survive down here.”
You met her gaze, the old anger simmering beneath your words. “I know more than you think,” you replied, voice steady and unyielding. “I lost everything before I even got the chance to hold it,” you added, memories of that day, of watching your family fall apart, still as raw as ever.
Jinx scoffed, crossing her arms. “Why are you telling me this? You think I care?”
“No,” you said, fingers deftly weaving the last of her braids. “But I thought you’d understand.” You secured her signature pigtails, then took a step back, crossing your arms as you faced her. “You followed him because you had nowhere else to turn, no one else to show you the way. But he’s gone now, Jinx. And yet, you’re still clinging to his ghost, acting like he’s still here.”
She bristled, eyes flashing. “I’m not mourning him! That’s the last thing I’d ever do for him.”
“Then prove it,” you challenged, voice calm but firm. “Find something real to fight for. Not for a man who only wanted control and used your loyalty to his advantage.”
Jinx took a step forward, her violet eyes sharp and angry as she glared up at you, defiance sparking between you like a fuse ready to ignite. You held her gaze, searching for the truth hidden beneath her rage. In those eyes, you saw things she would never say aloud.
confusion, anger, the scars of betrayal.
It reminded you of that night at the Last Drop, the night you’d tried to pull her away from Silco’s grip and convince her to join the Firelights. She’d laughed it off, but you’d seen the hesitation, the crack in her armor. That night, things nearly went south between you. one wrong word, and a bullet could’ve ended it all. Now, standing here again, that same tension lingered in the air, fragile and sharp, like the calm before a storm.
“Why do you keep acting like you know me?” Jinx’s voice was sharp, bitter, violet blue eyes wild with frustration as she shoved you. “Like you have any clue what I’ve been through!” She pushed you again, harder this time, her finger jabbing into your chest. “You don’t know anything!”
Her anger flared, and she kept pushing, shoving you back again and again until you finally reached out and caught her wrist.
She tried to pull away, struggling against your hold, but you pulled her closer, wrapping your arms around her, holding her tightly. Her fists came down hard on your back, each punch sharp with anger and pain. It hurt, but you didn’t let go, not even as her punches weakened, not even as her shoulders slumped against you.
The room grew quiet, save for the small, choked sobs that broke free as she stopped fighting and finally gave in. Her fingers gripped the back of your cloak, holding on like it was the only thing keeping her grounded.
Her cries were raw, almost hollow, filled with a pain you knew she rarely allowed herself to show.
You just held her, steady and silent, giving her the space to release what she’d been holding back. You didn’t hate her, not for her choices, not for her mistakes. Somehow, despite everything, all you’d ever wanted was to help her find her way back from the darkness.
As her breathing slowed, she didn’t say a word, but her quiet acceptance in your arms told you everything. In that fragile silence, you knew that, at least for this moment.
you were exactly where you needed to be.
#jinx#jinx lol#jinx x reader#jinx x fem!reader#jinx arcane#jinx league of legends#jinx needs a hug#comfort#oc mention#we love her#jinx posting
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... 💌: wip wednesday!
let's ignore that it's thursday for a second 😭 thank you so much for including me in the dynamic @sceletaflores 🫶🏻 sneak peeks under the cut!!
'you know it will always just be me'
messy exes to lovers with logan.. GIVE IT TO ME UGHHH im still debating on posting this tbh and it's FAR from done, but here's a small fraction of it that i like
Maybe it was the anchor you held on to, the alibi to leave your ex, but soon after breaking up with him, the feelings wearing off, the flaws started becoming prominent, you soon started wondering what you knew was in Logan’s head. Only he was more straightforward. “That’s a shame.. Why the fuck were you with him, then? Must’ve been damn good looking if he wasn’t a good fuck.” “Logan!” You squeaked, his name a miniscule retaliation, a small hint of embarrassment in your tone at the suddenly blunt remark, though you couldn’t help but think that deep down, he was right.. You’d never admit it, though. “Too eager for dick? You know silicone exists, right?” He scoffed, eyeing you up and down as your cheeks and ears turned red, the shit eating grin in his face only evidencing just how good it felt for him to know that he was right, and you’d confirmed it without having to open your mouth.
You looked at him in embarrassment, trying to not see red, as the team had advised you to stay in peace with the rest of the school under the pretext of it helping you mold and fit in. You closed your eyes and took a deep breath, asphyxiating the fire brewing within you. “It’s just not the same.. Pretty sure you know that.” You snapped back, eyeing him up and down condescendingly, almost knowing what he was up to after your separation, and you almost pitied him for not knowing how to keep it in his pants. “You could’ve just called.” “You wish.” You replied, rolling your eyes as you turned heel to leave, Logan watching your frame disappear into the hallway.. Part of you wished he’d stopped you. But you pushed the thought away, knowing it was over, you couldn’t go back, you promised not to go back. You did the first couple times, as he showed up to your work, called you late at night and won you over with his stupid cat eared hair and sultry raspy voice and his dumb 'c’mon, princess, let me in' that always seemed to work. But that was over. It had to be over. Can’t be under him if you wanna get over him.
'eating out of my hand'
so... feral!sub!logan... collared. giving you head. that's it. it's been plaguing my head lately so i HAD to write ab it.
You’d notice when it got hard for him, and in the beginning, he would push you away, deny. Try to control what he let you know like he did with the rest. But with time, he let you in, trusting you to care for him like no one did, and you were always happy to oblige. You would always know before he told you, it was in the eyes. The way he looked at you after a mission, or a really busy day teaching the kids. It was a look that he’d never give you outside of this headspace, of pure and utter submission. It had been a day since he'd gone. You were in your shared room, waiting for him to come back from the mission, patiently. Your eyes rake over in the image in front of you as he opens the door and you stand to greet him like you always do, only for you to find a man - your man - towering over you, his hair mussed and his clothes clinging to his body by a thin sheet of sweat that adorned him. He looked tired, and he was looking at you with such eyes that made heat travel to your pants in the fraction of a second. He’d never say it out loud, but his eyes screamed the plea loud enough. Please, use me. Take this from me, it’s all too much right now. You were always happy to oblige.
'out (like a light)'
tbh this is still a very rough idea, but i WILL write this (... eventually). essentially it's a poly!poolverine drabble where they finger you to sleep SKDJDJ
no pressure tags! @loganhowlettshousewife @buck-star @silverskyeline and whoever else wants to share! this is your tag 💗
#made by: serae ♡#don't know when i'll post these#hopefully soon tho#finals szn is kicking my ass tho#logan howlett smut#logan howlett x reader#logan howlett#wolverine x reader#logan howlett x you#logan wolverine
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What are your thoughts on transformers prime and transformers one?
TL:DR I liked both! TFP was my first Transformers show that I watched all the way through and TF1 was a lot of fun! Opinions on Starscream under the break pfpfpfpfpfpf
Prime was literally my first Transformers experience (Okay that's not true, I did see the first Bay movie when it came out but lets not talk about that). It's really good! My favorite character was Ratchet, I loved that he's just a tired, grumpy, racist old man and he's a doctor. Knock Out was the best thing to come out of TFP and he really should be in more stuff. Really would have loved a fourth season but it wouldn't have been the same without the children around. I liked what we got!
Prime has an excellent Starscream, Steve Blume does an amazing performance with both his deep conniving gravel and his high pitched terrified sputtering. So much character in his animation too, especially in later seasons, and an incredibly compelling character arc. Prime Starscream is not a good person, but I would burn the world for him, and I like the small moments in the show that hint at something in his character that could be turned to good, but circumstance always works against him in that regard. He's just so pathetic, but also competent and dangerous, all the best qualities of a Starscream and a very unique design!
Transformers One was quite good, I was worried because of the trailers but I was surprised by how well executed it all was. None of the characters were annoying, and making Optimus Prime originally one of the oppressed class alongside Megatron was a good move. The scene where Orion gives Dee the sticker is so cute, I simply cannot. The ending felt a bit rushed but what can you do, it wasnt so bad that it's a problem for me.
I would have loved just a little more Starscream in the movie! Like, I knew he wasn't really gonna be in the movie much so i was prepared for it to be little more than a glorified cameo, but I loved a lot of what we did get and I feel like it was missing just a little bit more! Like, the whole High Guard turned rogue backstory he has is great, implies some honor to his character since he didnt keep serving Sentinal when the guy turned Cybertron over to the Quintissance. I think it's hilarious that Starscream is so much older than Megatron. Like, they gave us a lot of food to make headcanons out of, but then the rushed ending kind of left me with no real reason given for him and the rest of the High Guard to go with Megatron without a fight. Like, I think the reason given was that, because Megatron beat him up that one time, and then killed Sentinal, and since the High Guard became a might makes right society and hates Sentinal, I guess thats why they are loyal to him now. And I guess the one line where Starscream is like "all hail megatron" is supposed to indicate he's 100% behind Megatron now and not just a spur of the moment thing. And I guess them following his command to destroy the city is why theyre being banished. But like...idk, every other plot point was well established and properly played out, and the whole decepticons thing just didnt really feel like enough, and i kind of feel like it should have been more clearly communicated considering its an entire one side of a two sided war? I feel like we werent shown the high guard doing anything egregiously bad besides attacking people because megatron told them to.
Like, there's nothing in the movie to suggest that Starscream and the High Guard arent still loyal to the Primes. So when Orion comes back as a prime, like a proper prime, with the matrix and everything, which everyone knows will make the energon flow again, I'm surprised Starscream didnt at least try to make excuses or worm his way into avoiding banishment? My headcanon is he wanted to kill Sentinal as bad as Megatron and so when Megatron finally does what he failed to do for 50 cycles, he's like aite im ride or die for this guy. Maybe 50 cycles of living in the wilderness doing nothing but scout and pit fight all day changes a guy and they dont wanna live in a society anymore. Why dont they accept Optimus as the new prime? They helped him and Elita save their friends, and unlike Sentinal Optimus has the actual Matrix this time. Idk mang. Woulda liked a bit more.
Transformers One, not my favorite design for Starscream. The head vents going wide at the bottom look weird to me, and his legs are so long and flat.
Thems my opinions!
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June 2023
How could you forget Lup?
[Image Description: A 5-panel illustrated comic featuring Taako and Lup in a limited color palette of pink, light brown, light red, purple, blue and yellow. Taako is is depicted with light brown skin and dark hair, which he ties behind his back. He wears a purple cloak. Lup is depicted with light brown skin and dark hair, which she ties in front of her. She wears a red cloak.
Panel 1: Young Taako and Lup, on both sides of a pot. Lup is stirring as Taako looks in. Below the panel is captioned with purple text:
“What’s the feeling”
Panel 2: Close-up of young Taako and Lup. You can see half of their face, and they are excitedly talking to each other. Below the panel is captioned with purple text:
“When you have a broken home, home, home?”
Panel 3: Pans down to young Taako and Lup’s torso. They are standing close to each other, indicating that they are holding hands. Below the panel is captioned, text in purple:
“Where’s the love when you were left on your own”
Panel 4: Taako’s hand, wearing the Bureau of Balance bracer. His hand is relaxed, but alone. There is a brief out line of Lup’s hand, reaching out for his. Below the panel is captioned with purple text:
“So alone”
Panel 5: Taako is standing center-frame, and you can only see the bottom half of his face and his torso. There is a single tear rolling down his cheek, his mouth slightly agape. He is grasping the Umbrastaff tightly in one hand, holding it close to his chest. There is a faint outline of a hand on his shoulder. Below the panel is captioned with red text:
“Who said you’re on your own?” End ID]
#taz#tazb#the adventure zone#taako taaco#lup taaco#lup#taako#lup taz#taako taz#illustration#the song is no lullaby by siames if folks are wondering.#color palette used here is mildly inspired by the animated video!#i actually wanted to use the style too but ended up defaulting to my style but a little more cartoonized#btw the sketch i did for this was from like. may 2022.#just never got around to actually finishing it bc i always prioritize finishing my r*ihan pieces bc of the brainrot lol.#normally draw the twins with dark brown hair + dyed but for the sake of a good limited color palette they have raven hair now#excited to share this w yall bc this is going to be the first ‘fully finished’ taz art im showing#anw augh ive had this in the drafts for more than a week bc ive been so tired and couldnt think of a good way to write the id#i hope it ended up good hauhhg
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smth smth about 'the thing that the character did that you thought was rly rly funny in the moment is actually linked to a terrible trauma that lies within said character.' or wahtever.
#jrwi show#jrwi fanart#jrwi riptide#gillion tidestrider#made this within a short span of wahtever bc i gotta go up to the mountains for my stupid gay job tonight n im trying#nnot to frrRREAAAK THE FUCK OUUTTTTTTi dont wanna work but. get that bread we fuckin shall i guess#ONWARDS TO THE FISH TORMENT!! sometimes flowers feel pain when you trim them before their blossoming. atleast i imagine so#i used to draw gillion with loooong hair tied into a big ol braid. and then it was confirmed that he had short hair when he was little.#AT FIRST I WAS SAD. but then i realized the duality of. when they were little. gill had short hair. edyn had long hair.#AND NOW THEYRE OLDER. and gillion has long hair. and edyn has short hair#both mirroring eachother. looking up to eachother. subconsciously or not. they most certainly care. and most certainly miss eachother.#GILLION ALWAYS LOVED HOW LONG HAIR LOOKs. atleast i imagine so. he hasnt cut it since he left the undersea. sure he wanted to go back home#but even at the very start. he knew he was free in some way now. free to grow out his hair. an adventure would await him before he returns.#he knew it would be a while. so he cant let this go. he cant let this sought-after hair-length get cut away from him again#not yet. not yet. i like to think he loved music too. I SAW SOMETHING INTERESTING A BIT AGO#i see alot of ppl commenting on my baby gill comics like;'i wouldFIGHT this teacher i wanna KILL EM i want them DESTROYED#all very good and nice sentiments! i LOVE the energy here! and it would be nice. to have that catharsis#but the story of young tidestrider is not a story of catharsis. it is a story of agony and being so so small and so special and also so dum#and sucking so bad. and just being a kid and doing the things that a little kid does and so many tired tired people reacting badly to it#youre supposed to be the hero that will save us. our world hangs in the balance and you are the one who tips the scales.#YOU are supposed to SAVE US!! you NEED to SAVE US! CAN YOU PLEASE STOP SQUIRMING IN YOUR STUPID CHAIR!!#you'd think that young tidestrider ought to prevail. and be tucked someplace all safe and sound.#elders gone missing and rotting in a jail. their cultists nowhere around. but theres no happy endings. not here not now.#this tale is all sorrows n woes. you may dream that justice n peace win the day. but thats not how this story goes#BIG ideas for this lil baby gillion series. if anything i make ever gets disproven im killing myself in a well as to poison a water supply
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It's missing my father hours rn so imma just dump a bunch of pictures here and cry
( sorry i don't know the source of anything I just had them on my phone)
(also dont read the tags i just need to let it out lol)
#I just realized I can call him dad easier than my real dad and now I understand why am I so damn attached to him#I always knew he was a parental figure for me#but now I connected the dots#How when u have an absent dad and a d34d mom a guy shows up in ur life#that tells u life advice that both of ur parents failed to do so#and makes u feel safe the first time in ur life#ofc ud become attached#i know for sure its unhealthy how much i love and miss him#he occupies most of my thoughts honestly#But how could i not cling to him so much when he was the only one who gave me hope in life#i try to keep going and even tho he is not here i keep telling myself whatever he taught me. i keep reminding myself he wants us to live an#bloom and be free#and that's what ill try to do#but you know somedays i wish i could just disappear and be wrapped in eternal happiness#its so fucking hard to pull yourself out of the slump man im so fucking tired im so so tired#somedays i wish id have the courage to off myself but i know that deep down i want to live and ive always wanted to live but i have no idea#how to live. i feel like i finally found a purpose and someone i love. but at the same time im always doubting myself and im scared of losi#g this little hope again and i know i should cherish and use it instead but each day i have this anxiety because rn i have nothing else if#lose this i seriously will lose everything atp. but ill still try bc rn its this or death so i should try im just damn tired yes anyways#sorry for being depressing some days just dont work out but thats okay#yes at the same time i want to get out of my head and try to find some friends but i cant deny that im highkey fucked up and i just cant le#go of my past and i still feel like that helpless unloved kid and idk how to form relationships this way. i dont trust myself at all so idk#how to trust others. and i feel like in order to find ppl that would love me i have to overshare abt my whole lifestory bc it still dictate#my life heavily. and since i met this band its better cuz im learning to deal w it and i want to heal from everything but yes at the same t#me who would wqnt to be friends w. someone that has like a year of life experience and 18 years of depression lol#so yes its complicated. bc i have friends but im like the funny friend. the one that is as shallow as puddle and has no problems but honest#y im genuinely sufferint qnd have been sufferinz all my life so i want to come out of my funny friend role. but that wojld mean i have to t#ll the shit i went through to all my friends but tbh it would be so random so ye. i do have a plan though. how it could work. But yes im ti#ed have been tired for 7 years now. But this time around i hope i can successfully get out of this torture cycle lol.#ok sorry this is what happens after puberty guys i could beva research case for a damn mental institute atp xdd
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loop ….
#sorry im like legit pacing around rn but like#. god#still thinking about the flower#still thinking about how loop feels about it#why are they so persistent ? they don’t give up !!#they don’t give up they don’t give up they don’t give up. they don’t … give up. ?#do you think about how in act 4 when loops finally accepts it the sprite they use is the looking away one#when theyre contemplating something. remembering. do you think about that#im like specifically thinking of how if you just consistently give the flower to loop. what are their thoughts ?#tired of your companions have you ?#go give it to them. stars sake. stop trying here.#why are you doing this? im nothing in comparison. we just met!#really. stop.#its not like its a good gift anyways. if it disappears and all.#… fine. i can’t stop you can i? whatever. give it. will that shut you up?#WHY ARE YOU DOING IT STILL#like so sorry !!! you have a permanent place in siffrin’s heart now !!!! the consequences of this are that you are beloved now. so sorry.#yeah. you’re part of the threads that make up their life and care#Sorrryyyyyyy oops !!! get loved idiot#<- i keep saying that 😭😭#yes you’re Rude but you were There. you were there and you kept pushing and you stayed by his side#flower for you. its the least i can you for what youve done for me#thank you loop.#DO YOURB EVER TJINK ABOUT THE FLOWER#LOOP WHEN YOU HELP PEOPLE THEY LIKE TO REPAY IT !!! THEY LIKE TO SHOW HOW MUCH RHEYRE GRATEFUL FOR YOUR COMPANY#FOR YOUR THOUGHTS#anyways .#lantern says stuff
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its important to go see a low stakes concert sometimes
#as in seeing someone in concert youre not an absolute nutbag about (as i have done this year and last year)#but last night me n my dad went and saw renaissance on their farewell tour#running on like 4 hours of sleep and seething to be at work right now#or rather i would be seething if i weren't so tired#new anger management hack: just get less sleep so your senses are dulled! anyway#funniest part of the night was the multiples times when my dad who is old was like 'everyone here is so old :/'#he was literally like 'if i ever get like these people just shoot me' LMAO#the concert was good i wouldn't call it like great or fantastic but such is the beauty of a low stakes concert#youre not living and dying on every song youre not singing along to everything youre just. enjoyin the show normally which is crazy#again as someone who has seen two bands (both bands two separate times and is seeing one of those bands a THIRD TIME soon) im crazy over#that experience is fun its bonkers and you definitely gotta do it for the bands youre crazy over. you gotta#but it was nice to just. have a regular time at a show#as far as the show itself there were a few little moments where things didnt go as smooth but that may have been bc it was the first show#and save for a few moments in some songs annie haslam knocked it out of the park she can still sing as insanely good as she used to#again some parts of songs were in a lower key? but most seemed to be the same and she was still hitting those bonkers high notes#so good for her. the band was pretty good but i felt they really only like all worked together well on a few songs#if that makes sense. but overall pretty good#and my anxieties about getting there and back were unfounded bc somehow it all worked. yay#our car service trip home was in a tesla i felt like i was gonna die the entire ride home lol#i am NEVER getting in one of those stupid cars again. big ass ipad as your dashboard this is insane???? im so scared???#anywho. old musicians are forever as ive been saying lately. and they really are#oh also we were at the town hall which is a nice small theater i was worried abt bein too far away but it's laid out really well#in that you're sure to get a pretty good view of the stage#it seems like half the size roughly of the beacon for whatever thats worth#OH i did see one dude somewhere in the audience with a sparks shirt so. hashtag represent#yet another concert report. yayyyyy#(im so tired)
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I always get detained at da border because PROFUNC never ended but basically I'm like if a targeted individual didn't even care
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#vent#sorry god not to use this as a space for that since i almost never do but i am. so frustrated.#so context is that over this year i have lost. like. A Concerning Amount Of Weight. without changing anything about my lifestyle.#hell if anything i’m doing worse on that front because i have no fucking energy now. i am constantly exhausted and dizzy. i can’t eat as#well as i used to and i can’t exercise. i do not feel good!!!#but i can’t say a goddamn thing to my family because the minute they hear ‘lost weight’ it’s like their brains turn off and they don’t hear#the rest of what’s going on. it’s purely positive for them.#EVEN IF I DID NOT FEEL LIKE SHIT. AND I VERY MUCH DO. I STILL WOULD NOT LIKE MY BODY SUDDENLY CHANGING ON ME LIKE THAT.#i liked how i looked and i liked how i felt.#i felt so much fucking stronger and more alert like 30 pounds ago. now im always tired and none of my clothes fit and im cold because all my#fucking padding got taken away from me!!!! i needed that!!!!!!!!#im just hoping Something shows up in my bloodwork this month to clue me in to what’s going on because this can’t continue. i hate this.
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#spot says stuff#rw#oc tag#-shows up two hours after my schedule time- sup guys i went to zoo today n i talked SOOO much shit to the birds it was Neat#ostrich guy first hissed at us n then he sat down n started yawnin up a storm so we sat on the curb n chilled with him for a twenty#those things are so fuckin big i was intimidated yet still smth deep within me needled me to try n jump his neck#oh the slavic need to throw hands with birds...#like... 5 or 6 hours outside im fuckin slain....... anyway fun thing a bird ask came into my inbox just now ill get to ya prolly tmr#imma go to bed i think im so tired
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#whether I make friends irl or online everyone always leaves#so what's the point in getting close to people at all#would love to have someone i can always talk to about anything even just my shows#especially since it takes me a while to get comfortable really talking to anyone and open up#but atp im tired of getting attached only to get ghosted out of nowhere#anyway ignore me#just feeling lowkey unwanted and unnecessary and like no one would care if i just disappeared#im making a bigger deal out of this than it is and being in my feels about it lol#should be used to it by now tbh but i am hurt#i think the worst part is not knowing why#like did i say or do smth why so suddenly just drop me#just a regular conversation and then no response - and i tried reaching out a few times after that#anyways i probably shouldn't care this much#but we've been talking for over a year and called each other friends and i got attached sue me#wtf is it about me that ppl always get bored or tired of me#gonna delete this#just in my feels
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okay so im back in navbar hell (when i thought i escaped...!!!) but ive managed to get this set up today :D
#my issue is that im trying to make the navbar properly responsive and have a toggle option once the screen gets too small#if u look on my blog i had it on my last attempt at this because i was using bootstrap but i was like okay i gotta make a new project!#cause i wanted to use nextjs#and not have to worry about backend stuff as much#okay so like..... i know im being kinda stubborn here lol#i could just slap bootstrap on and copy my old code but i dont wanna#i already have tailwind on here and i dont want to confuse myself anymore#so ive been looking for navbar tutorials using tailwind to help and omg#i thought i found a good one and then i realized it used a specific js package which i cant use cause im using typescript...#and i cant find a ts version#so now im just set on doing it without any outside stuff#like just show me how to make the thing with just html and javascript#at least that way i can just translate the the js to ts on my own!!!#anyways lol i found a video that should help...pls#ill watch it later....#but today im tired#webdev#codeblr#wip#this site will happen i swear I SWEAR#AHHH#there so many things to help but after a certain point its like...i dont even know whats happening and now im confused#and god forbid things start conflicting with each other#so i just want something that will spell it out clearly#but yea if u see this and think im confused (which i might be)#im always open to links to videos
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AGHGFCCV LISTEN.
I have a theory-----
So it always bothered ne how despite there being so many witches in Mitakihara, there only seem to be Mami (and kinda Homura) as magical girls in the city at the start of the show, like surely these witches come from an equivalent amount of magical girls right???
Welll what if- magical girls and witches cone in some sort of "waves" of despair- basically, kind of like highs and lows in stuff like market economics
Heres how i think it might work- Kyubey reveals himself to a girl, and there are 2 options-
1- She is a lonely person and has therefore a higher likelyhood of witching out or dying without a support network, or-
2- She has, to some kind of degree, close friends she can talk to about stuff like being a magical girl.
If option 2 happens, then even if the girl herself is the only one out of her friend group (or out of whoever is eligible in it anyway) who becomes a magical girl, then eventually when she inevitably enters into a dangerous situation, Kyubey will manipulate any eligible friends she has into making a wish for her (which constantly happens in the show)
Then, if a wish wasn't made, a new witch or at least dead magical girl wouldve been created without any friends joining as magical girls
The more likely situation i suspect though, is that a wish DOES get made, and then, when one of the friends gets into a dangerous situation again and none is there to make a wish to save them (which will inevitably happen because being meguca is suffering)-
One of them will die or witch out, starting a chain reaction because well, your friend just died in front of you, probably brutally, or instead went the non gorey (if nothing else) way of becoming a witch- both highlighting the futility of your cause AND making you use energy to defeat a new witch in an already bad for you situation.
Both cases are highly likely to make the entire friend group witch out this way, because of the collective downward spiral.
And again, lonely girls are known to be preyed on because they do not last long.
In short i suspect the show takes place right after these kind of "chain witchification" happened to many magical girls in Mitakihara, which Mami was not affected by because she is a lone veteran (despite her efforts)
Basically, I think Gertrude, H.N. Elly, Elsa Maria, and maybe one of the other less significant witches (not Charlotte tho we know what happened There...) were part of a magical girl squad that fell to despair
Heck, this chain reaction is even shown to happen in alternate tinelines the Quintet was together, Sayaka witches out, Mami breaks down bc of it and kills Kyouko and then dies (to Madoka), and then Madoka becomes a witch, and so too would have Homura if she could not time travel most likely, resulting in net 0 magical girls and only witches for a short amount of time.
Mitakihara could also just actually be really small and all the witches immigrate from Kazumino or something. idk. that would be boring though
#pmmm#puella magi madoka magica#sorry for the repeating wall of text i really got into it#anyway its really sad. magical girls fall together so much we just dont see them sometimes at all. insane#also the implications if this is true on the shows exploitation themes with mgs being subject to market highs and lows like a commodity. ag#i hate that i thought of a way to make the show sadder somehow#sorry mutuals this probably doesnt make sense its late and im tired n stressied#my posts#deltaruins tags#aghhhhh#also reread the last line now im imaginging the wings of magius platforming against witch immigrants using a barrier (wall)#like some magical girl trump#anyway i am become sleepy again. will see notifications on the morrow. good eve
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Watched the marvellous To Wong Foo, Thanks For Everything! Julie Newmar last night and here I am once again asking why they didn’t just take Blanche to see a drag show
#im just saying!!! she would have got it!!! she would have snapped out of that homophobia faster than you can say ‘work’!!!!!!!!#please don’t take this too seriously I’m supposed to be working but I’m literally tired off my mind atm lol#hence the blanche thoughts#i mean. her journey towards acceptance is actually really important to me#and I think it was *crucial* to show in the series for many reasons I probably can’t articulate well now#it’s good to show that even positive characters can be bigoted! and it’s GREAT to show they can change their mind!!!#it’s both a great character journey for her and a great message for the audience#but also you know. she’s all for that!! glamour!! style!! larger than life is just the right size!!! art!!! dance!!! it fits her to a T!!!!#she technically knows what a drag queen is bc she uses the term but I’m CONVINCED shock therapy would have done her good#too bad Clayton wasn’t that type of gay man#the golden girls#today is a shitposts and memes kinda day for me. take it or leave it
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