#i used to be an A-B student
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#mannnn the brain really does start to go after a certain age#i would Not be struggling this bad in my courses if i were like. 5 years younger.#i used to be an A-B student#now i'm lucky if i make a B average#fuck it tho. i dn't need to be the best. just good enough to make it through to the end and get my credits#it'd be different if i went to law school after this but that's a whole other bridge i don't even know if i wanna cross yet
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if I said eisa davis' influence in making lmm actually write something rather radically progressive has subsequently inspired me to return to my roots of actually fucking thinking of making radically progressive musicals after a 3-year long hiatus in doing so, then what-
#thdjdjd i dunno like gjdjd#look warriors did something fucking weird to my brain#it brought me back to when i first was obsessed with WATT when i was 16#and hamilton when i was 13#like it makes me wanna write again#and now with eisa davis proving that Radically Progressive Ideas In Art Can Fucking Work If You Have The Balls#im um#really thinking about going back WHAHAHA#might rework Patron the musical into a concept album idea of sorts#side a being life as a filipino student who learns the ins and outs of activism and ndmos here#side b being their counterpart who is a writer that struggles against being indocrinated by um neo-colonialist capitalist beliefs#all that comes with prolonged exposure to the bubble of privilege in the phililpines#(especially the role that the US capitalism plays in it hahahahaha we haven't forgotten about that)#basically not exactly a princess and the pauper situation but um just two people on different sides of the same coin#and its meant to be an exploration of my experiences in college#both in terms of my activism#and me being made to mind the line at times as a communication student and a writer#its like splitting myself into two and making them butt heads PFFT but yea#and I call it Patron because Side A (Filipino) is inspired from the concept of patron saints ('who dies for us? who do we die for?')#(pronounce side A as PAH-tron with a roll to that R)#and Side B is um what are the privileges and pitfalls of foreign patronage?#(yes this is inspired by um some filipinos being so enamored by socio-economic privilege upon stepping foot in amerca that they forget-#where they came from)#anyways thats ny tiny ramble for today im gonna get back to wofk#personal shit#voila the return of the izzy idea rambles
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i've gone to sleep angry and woken up angry every day since last saturday
#the flatmate who moved out was made CRYSTAL clear of her contractual duties to keep paying rent until she's been replaced on the lease#just like the other flatmate who moved out (and flatmate B is a student who works part time and has a deadbeat dad she can't move home to)#flatmate A works full time and will be living at home rent free and only moved out to go on a free holiday to mexico with her sisters#but it's flatmate A who's throwing a tantrum saying she wants her bond back and wants to stop paying rent now#even though no one's moved in to replace her on the lease WHICH WAS THE STIPULATION OF HER BREAKING IT EARLY#she KNEW this and she avoided all attempts at conversation about it before she moved out#but now that we're not face to face she's so brave over text with her lawyer sisters in her ear trying to tell us we're fucking her over#and trying to get us to pay HER RENT on top of our own#it's a fixed term lease you can only break it if you abide by the conditions the landlord sets#and the conditions were that she find someone to replace her on the lease#she's claiming that bc flatmate c (who's staying in the flat) moved into her room out of his couples room (bc him and flatmate b broke up)#that that somehow counts as her being replaced on the lease#no matter how many times we tell her that's not the case because how the fuck could he replace her when he's already on the lease#she refuses to listen. IT'S A ONE IN OUT SYSTEM BABE AND YOU'RE STILL IN#it's just soooooo shitty and sneaky like we've been friends for three years and now she's throwing it all away for WHAT#i hate people pleasers i hate people who hide their selfishness and sneakiness behind smiley faces and kisses#how is it in ANY way fair that the rest of us pay her rent so she can go on holidays. yeah i'd fucking like that too girl#it's stressing me out so bad because she's trying so hard to get between us all and tell one person that the other person said something#and then you ask the other person and they say no i absolutely did not say that#and we have proof evidence and facts on her side but she refuses to believe them#anyways. we've referred this all on to our landlord now so now it's her problem and out of our hands#ugh. it just sucks because we were really close friends and now what are we
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#OUUUUG LOVE HIM#he could totally b a teacher i think... prob takes all the students to the computer room where theyre all old and clunky and#teaches them how to use gmail or search engines or to type without looking and half the time the computers dont work so u call him for help#and the second he comes near the damn machine starts working perfectly#art#my art#oc tag#furry#oc wilbur
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you guys have no idea what crazy friday plans i have (putting on a cute comfy fit, lip gloss mascara and spf applied, kilian’s love on pulse points, hitting the gym first thing in the morning w flash cards, studying at the library until sundown)
#haven’t gone out in a minute and i don’t even feel like i’m missing much#this is literally my ideal friday these days#oh and i’m probably getting my nails done this weekend :) w a v day color#AND my neuro clinic training starts next week.#the neuro clinic / research falls under the med school in this city so i’ll be at the on campus library all the time.#studying in the presence of actual med students#my pre med student heart will b so happy about that#i’ve had so many extracurriculars happening ive had to work around lately#so it’ll be nice to devote a whole day to uninterrupted studying like i used to#p
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...
#ah yes. my old friend: getting nothing done all day bc im too paralyzed to attempt to read anything#thanks. i hate it here#today felt like i was trapped in october of last year. which was disorienting#bc it was cold ang gloomy out and i just kept listening to doomsday by lizzy mcalpine#itll get better once im back in the habit of things. at least that's what im telling myself. just expect me#to complain a lot bc im back in the torture machine. by which i mean life as a grad student#evolution prof: u should be reading at least 20 papers per week. and shes right but also what if i just lay on the floor and expire#what then? oh hey u use text to speech on papers? that must b super helpful! yeah sure it takes 2 broken things:#my ability to not process audio and not understand text in order to try to put me on a normal reading level.#except that it still fucking sucks and i hate everything.#and it doesnt even fuckibg matter for this class bc shes giving us pdf scans that are image based not text based#so i cant even use text to speech. which is ya kno. real fucking cool. welp. its been real#goodbye to any sort of notion that i appear to kno what im doing. or that i can read anything#oh god. why tf did i decide it was a good idea to come back?#dread! paralyzing dread! oh how ive missed u#unrelated
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ok let's catch up quickly
#so i went on a few dates w this guy. long hair beautiful face kinda looked like a girl (good) said yes ma'am when i told him to do smth#(also good) film student great at photography including candids. made a sheath of leather for a sword pin i have . et cetera.#he asked to cuddle and i was like iggg and then i felt Nothing and i was like ohhh yh ok ok yep lesbian#like he meets almost all my criteria but. yeahhh no . also at the end of that date he had some weird takes. anyway broke up w him and told#him actually im p sure im a lesbian (again) and he was like yk thats the second time this has happened to me this week but its ok bc ive#fallen for this girl from berlin. and then we cooked together. anyway . met a beautiful butch lowk in love w her. weve been on (1) date.#have two exams in a few days havent studied enough going to like end it all basically. my research partner kicked me off our research#(expected(it was always skinda sketchy)) which was devastating + it happened in a lidl 15 hours into a journey from bordeaux#to go back to the UK. my friends were kinda busy paying for baguettes but also they heard this whole exchange and are kinda mad at him#my friend of 10+ years is coming over in a few days. my evil ex situationship person that i decided to stay friends w because i kept#insisting they are a good friend and not evil and also extremely beautiful? turns out shockingly enough they were evil. tried to fix them#and then i realised due to their entire friendship group being ppl like me (Every Single One of their friends are ppl they met on dating#apps then led on then dumped and proposed staying friends w) and are collectively extremely attracted to them and not over them they#keep validating the most diabolical shit they say/do to hace a chance w them. they broke up w their ex and the way they keep leading#this poor girl on and making her heartbeeak worse and saying that they want more power over her and want her to beg for them back etc...MY#JAW HAD DROPPED esp bc i didnt even know the ex was in the picture BECAUSE ME AND ONE OF OUR FRIENDS (that they also dated) HAD JUSR SLEPT#NAKED TOGETHER IN THEIR BED W THEM. GIRL. anyway that is the least of the diabolical stuff they said but no we are moving onnn#this was b4 the beautiful butch btw. anyways . i have a mitski concert tmrw i think?? idek anymore#i used to have a crush on this guy very briefly and then it disappeared and then i realised if he fundementally changed everything abt#himself then maybe id like him but ofc i didnt tell him that but i still think abt it sometimes but anyway thats irrelevant now bc 99% sure#even if he did id still not find him attractive (lesbianism). please recommend good overnight moisturisers btw i have super dry skin#right. the friend of 10 yrs. we had a hard convo abt why she essentially bullied me in year 8 and it made me highly bitter but i also love#her and ik things are diff now its been like . Many Years . and shes going to stay a while I HAVE TWO EXAMS I DONT HAVE TIME but i love her#its fine. i think i might just switch into medicine and do the whole become a neurosurgeon thing (which was my plan B) bc plan A is looking#kinda impossible rn. I WANNA TALK MORE ABT WHAT THE EX SITUATIONSHIP PERSON SAID but i wont bc i dont wanna be too mean but also . MY GOD#i had a conversation w a philosopher friend about whether i have a moral responsibility to try to fix them bc unleashing this on society#feels wrong and he said 'probably but...run' so yeah im not talking to them atm. second date w beautiful butch on monday btw IDK WHAT TO#WEAR. she said she likes fems. im just gonna wear the shortest ralph lauren skirt i have w the cute leg warmers and hope 4 the best#its 1:15 AM im abt to drink coffee and start studying bc what the FUCK man. also almost finished watching the boys its very good#one of my best friends is struggling rn it is breaking my heart i want to take the burden from her i miss her very much
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*sounds of anguish*
If I never return tomorrow it is because calculus 3 has killed me……
Aurghgh
#finals are rapidly approaching#if I don’t do well on this test I’m gonna need to take the final and I did NOT pay enough attention in this class for that#I just want a B to hold on to the last shreds of the good student I was in high school#senior year killed my motivation and it never came back I freaking guess#can’t pay attention in class for the life of me#vent post#my posts#I just. hate calculus. ugh#I used to like math man#anyway. back to studying I guess.#it’s my own fault but it still sucks
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I started exploring Ashley Greene & Jackson Rathbone's filmography, and so many of them make me go "yep that's a modern jalice material right there"
#jalice#jasper hale#alice cullen#mind you this started for a b/e project and I'm just down in the rabbit hole#also the amount of horror these two have done?! how come nobody has ever taken advantage of it?#psycho college student who uses the emotion of fear to terrorize and experiment (hm who does this remind me)#quirky girly gets locked up in some basement by a psyxho and does the absolute possible to survive and get out#like had i been as obsessed with these two as I am with bellward I'd take advantage ngl#I'm definitely writing off some editing ideas for the future 🤞
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seeing people i respect have dogshit opinions on AI :(
#i feel crazy#why is this person i really respect reblogging bad AI takes??#im sorry but AI is not an accessibility issue#using AI to write school papers is cheating. its not an accommodation#and i think that is the most baffling way to defend AI use#cause its absolutely the worse use case for it#AI doesnt know what a fact is. it just knows what a fact looks like#it makes up things all the time#relying on it to write papers is WILD#and then saying that its for ACCESSIBILITY???#like if you actually cared about disability accommodations you wouldn't be suggesting a tool that#(a) prevents students from learning important skills and (b) is often wrong???
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#I also keep seeing modern au aubrey-maturin art#that makes me wish I could draw and thereby contribute#unfortunately I can't even *write* modern aus generally. but I like transferring character dynamics from place to place in my brain#and I feel like I could do a university AU very nicely if I could do AUs at all#because I have had rowers in my class with as far as I could tell jack's exact personality#(unfortunately it has to be a US university AU because (a) that's what I know and (b) afaik nobody else does randomly assigned roommates)#(and I cannot pass up the opportunity for randomly assigned roommates.#OR RATHER#for 'you seem more or less human - quick let's request each other so we don't have to go into potluck'#I think that works best)#(but maybe they are both international students anyway. that works fine. & therefore extremely alarmed by potluck [can't say they're wrong]#sophie is a sorority girl. english major I think. and I can see her so clearly#(she's the part I want to draw)#she's not that into the high-octane social schedule her sorority expects her to have#but her pushy mother was a member and it is Unthinkable that sophie should not be#and a lot of the other girls are sweet :) so it's fine :) she says#feel like she has roommate issues (unlike her original self she is able to live away from mrs williams so this makes up for that)#so she's always over in jack and stephen's room. people who know her tangentially sometimes gossip about which one she's actually dating#(at that particular moment it is actually neither of them she's just hanging out with stephen)#diana freed from the shackles of 19th century womanhood creates even more and weirder drama than in canon#idk I just want to see the plot of post captain played out over text message#don't ask me HOW idk HOW i just want it#stephen is a biology major/pre-med obvs. if he can survive organic chemistry#jack is some kind of engineering major. I think he'd enjoy that with the math. diana has changed her major 7 times#(I don't know whether to put jack in rotc. I don't think it Actually actually fits - he's in the navy in canon because he's in the navy#not bc he's Inevitably Military In All Worlds. he would not want to do that if he didn't get to sail#but at the same time I find it hard to picture him not belonging to Discipline somehow.#it's more than a disinterested passion for cleanliness that drives him to wash stephen's mug for him that has had coffee and ramen in it#(and NOT in that order)#in the bathroom sink
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naruto but it's my modern fantasy world au
#moon posts#naruto au#the “world” is called nexus b/c rly its an interconnecting set of pocket dimensions that intertwine with earth#setting is like fantasy new york and they all attend one of the elite magic schools#its actually a rival school to the college my ocs attend#one of the arcs is them being invited back to the winter ball tradition that the legacy colleges host#DISGRACED in the magical academia society b/c of orochimaru and danzo omg#during his first run hiruzen had a little bit of sway and respect but then shit hit the fan in his second run and they got blacklisted#minato was working on bringing them back into the elite magical academia scene but ofc he died#fastforwarding tsunade is the one who gets the back into the good graces again and this is when the story takes place#its my au so sasuke parents are alive ummm little bit of an estranged relationship#akatsuki is an underground activist group mostly made of criminals and often dabbling in the black market saurrrr#also as for hire mercenaries and bodyguards#the sand sibs are transfer students and temari is in a master's program#kinda using this au as a way to flesh out my magical academia program lol#oh! and everyone has an affinity to certain magic but there are Restrictions#easy way to explain: overuse of magic that you are affiliated to can cause loss of self (there are exceptions to this rule)#the exceptions are those who are basically already their affinity (elementals).#i also have my own set of gods and divinity but im including the bijuu as like....reminders of the past??? they're still around tho#oh!!!!! and Rin is alive (came back wrong)#instead of being the children of..whatever his name is they're the children of Order and Chaos (who are divorced)#Order and Chaos are some of thee oldest divine beings and are largely responsible for the creation and destruction of the universe#in canon they don't rly have children together
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we did not in fact finish the lab due this morning or come even close BUT he’s giving us the next week with no late penalty bc it turns out one of the pins we were trying to use to communicate Actually Does Not Exist #slay
#personal#the engineering chronicles#it’s literally listed as an i2c pin in the tables but i overheard the student assistant say it’s not a real pin when i got into lab and was#like ?!?! and looked it up in the data sheet and for our version of this microcontroller yeah they replaced it with a capacitor for some#inexplicable reason and Left The Pin Label There. also need to stress that where it says it’s an i2c pin it IS listed under our specific#microcontroller like. technical writer of this data sheet when i catch you ‼️#so anyway. that was NOT the only issue we had even if the pin did exist it was supposed to be set for i2c2 and we accidentally set it for#i2c1 and also none of us has any clue what command to send to make the led on the other board like up but he doesn’t need to know that 🤫#*light up#even my prof didn’t know abt the secret nonexistent pin and he said no student of his has ever had this issue which actually i don’t think#is true bc i’ve been trying to avoid the b port all semester Specifically bc i remember having weird issues with the pins not working on it#last year and i suspect this is why but. yeah no consequences YIPPEE 🥳
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dude i havent had a friday free in forever. you mean i just have multiple hours of unstructured me time? oh my god. oh my god. i could literally play cotl for 7 hours straight if i wanted
#spacie spoinks#considering it#i do want my controller tho :(#i dont wanna get too used ta using mouse and keyboard and then playing the rest of the game is difficult 😭#wow this semester has been really manageable. like. wow. never ever take classes back 2 back dont ever do that shit#especially if you're in stem dont fucking do it#dont do it ESPECIALLY if you have a job along side taking classes!! dont fucking do it!!!#local college student has free time 2 herself and then gets really confused and scared b/c she doesnt hafta do any work
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WHERE has vyvanse been all my life I actually feel like a human being
#i've been on it for 2 months now and we've figured out the right dose for me and it's amazing#i'm happy it works for me but omg am i angry that i didn't figure out i was adhd sooner#thinking about how stressful school was for me as a kid and how much i bulshitted all my assignments just because i was good academically#how much i would avoid doing homework or paying attention in class because i knew that i could just do everything last minute#and still get a b#but if i had gotten the help i needed?#i could have actually cared and not procrastinated and actually be mentally present in class#i could have gotten such high marks#i could have been an honours student#no use thinking of what ifs#what matters is now and i'm very happy that i'm being helped now#my posts
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Mizuki confirmed trans but jesus fucking christ
#at what cost#im actually going insane right now#got the news from one of my friends last night. they like liveblogged the whole thing to me#live messaged. idfk it was live#physically unwell#AHHHHHHHHHGHH#:(#i think ena was going to accept her though#begging and pleading on my hands and knees for her to accept them#mizuena please. mizuena we can be strong. we can make it out of this. WE CAN MAKE IT OUT OF THIS PLEASE#FUCK students a and b#sorry i actually did cry seeing the screenshots my friend sent me#ARGAHSHDKOSJDMDKDJD#average coming out experience#AMD SHE JUST KEPT FUCKING APOLOGIZING. AUURGGHAHHDFJDJ#i did have to have it translated but it would be REALLY hard to miss what was happening#anyone else hear that ominous bell. I DID.#and shes not going to be outside in the real world for a little bit. kills us all#are we still friends? ass event. bawls
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