#i used the dubs name because i took most of the footage from the dubs.

[clarkgriffon]

ULTIMATE SHIPS CHALLENGE - [1/1] The First OTP ↳ “Endymion, you are my first love, my only love… even if we’re reborn, in another life, we’ll find each other… and then… We’ll fall in love again.”

[duhragonball]

Tuffle Lore: DBZ #20

I’ve been meaning to revisit the topic of Tuffle lore, and so I decided I should re-watch the episode where they were first introduced.  And I’ve got nothing going on at the moment, so let’s do it now.

So this is Episode 20 of Dragon Ball Z.  It’s a filler episode, so I don’t know if any of this footage made it into Kai, but if you’re not familiar with this one, I’ll give you a quick recap.  Goku is training in the afterlife to prepare for the Saiyan invasion.  He’s just passed King Kai’s challenge to catch Bubbles, so now King Kai gives him a harder test, which is to hit Gregory on the head with a mallet. Meanwhile, Piccolo trains Gohan, whose right eye is swollen shut for the whole episode.  Also, Master Roshi asks Baba to predict the outcome of the coming battle, and Baba can’t see anything in her crystal ball.  The fate of the Earth is too uncertain to predict.  Also, the rest of the Z-Fighters complete their training on Kami’s Lookout, and Yajirobe bites Krillin on the ass. 

However, the real meat-and-potatoes of this episode is when Goku takes a break for dinner, and King Kai offers to tell him more about the Saiyans.  At this point in the story, Goku only recently learned that he was a Saiyan sent to Earth as a baby, and all he knows about his people is what little he heard from his evil brother, Raditz.  Much of King Kai’s tale would be contradicted over time, but this episode still stands out as a tantalizing peek into the history of the Saiyans before they were under Frieza’s rule.  And this is one of the few sources for information on the Tuffles, the Saiyans’ mysterious enemies. 

What I decided to do here was to just screenshot this part of the episode and transcribe all the subtitles.  The dub version of King Kai’s story is pretty good too, but some of the details are changed, and since this is a filler episode, the Japanese script is about as close to a primary source as possible. 

Incidentally, “Tuffle” is a localized name for the “Tsufuru-jin”, just as “Saiyan” is a localization of “Saiya-jin”.  The Funimation subtitles refers to the Tuffles as “Tsufruians.”

“Once upon a time... There were two races of people who lived on a world named Planet Vegeta.  The Saiyans, who are your forebears, and the Tsufruians.”

“Planet Vegeta, like my own planet here, had an extremely strong gravity.   As a result, the Tsufruians, who controlled the larger half of Planet Vegeta, were a race whose bodies were only about half the size of the Saiyans.  However, they had a remarkable, comparatively advanced level of civilization.” 

“On the other hand, the Saiyans were a race that was very few in numbers, but their bodies were bigger, not to mention stronger, and they were an aggressive, primitive race.  The tails the Saiyans had were their greatest distinguishing characteristic.  They were all warrior-like people, as it were.”

“At one point, these warriors bared their fangs, and started to overrun the Tsufruians.  The Tsufruians greeted them with advanced weaponry of their own making.  The Saiyans, who should have been utterly outnumbered, were incredibly strong, and gradually, they brought the Tsufruians under their control.”

“The decisive factor was the full moon, which appeared on Planet Vegeta once every eight years.  That's because when Saiyans see the full moon, they transform into monsters.  For the Tsufruians, this was their greatest threat, and they suffered the most damage this way.   And so, little by little, as the Tsufruians civilization pulled back, the Saiyans quickly increased their numbers.  In time, they completely took over Planet Vegeta.”

“Then the Saiyans took off into space, seeking to fight even more.   However, since the Tsufruians had been exterminated, further development of their civilization was slow to occur.  They realized that even though they wanted to fight, they could not go out any farther into space.  So the Saiyans joined forces with rich, advanced alien civilizations, and in exchange for furnishing planets to these aliens for use in developing vacation estates, they were able to obtain technology and money.  For the battle-hungry Saiyans, this was killing two birds with one stone.”

“The Saiyans' activities escalated swiftly, and they even started sending babies to many other worlds, as was your case.  They had come up with long-term plans, whereby once the baby grew up, it would exterminate the planet's population.”

“But Planet Vegeta had its own Kami.  He could not bear the Saiyans' evil deeds, and using his own powers, he pulled close some giant meteors, which then collided with Planet Vegeta, causing it to explode.” 

“Including yourself, there were only four Saiyans that survived.”

And, there we have it. Tell you what, I’ll just make a list of the details that later turned out to be continuity gaffes.

1) It would later be established that the planet was named “Plant” before the Saiyans conquered it and renamed it “Vegeta”.

2) This episode seems to be the only instance of the Tuffles being half the size of the Saiyans.  In other appearances, the Tuffles are shown to be normal-sized humanoids.

3) 1993′s Plan to Eradicate the Saiyans introduced the idea of the Saiyans arriving on the Tuffles’ planet and being accepted as refugees.  However, a flashback in Dragon Ball GT suggests that the Saiyans invaded the planet from the start. In Dragon Ball Super, Vegeta states that the Saiyans had lived on another planet called Sadala before emigrating to Planet Vegeta.  Any way you slice it, it looks like the Saiyans were not native to Planet Vegeta, as DBZ #20 suggests.

4) Furthermore, 2011′s Episode of Bardock introduces the Plantians, who inhabited Planet Plant/Vegeta in the distant past.  No Tuffles are seen in that special, suggesting that the Tuffles were not native to the planet either.

5) DBZ #20 shows Tuffle soldiers using scouters, the implication being that they were a Tuffle invention that the Saiyans later adopted for their own use.  In 2018′s Dragon Ball Super: Broly, it’s Frieza who issues the scouters to the Saiyans for the first time, well after the Tuffles have already been wiped out.

6) King Kai probably shouldn’t have told Goku about the Saiyans transforming during a full moon, since that sort of borks up the big reveal in Episode 31 and 32, when Vegeta transforms and Goku realizes that he must have been the one who killed Grandpa Gohan.  Then again, it took Goku a while to figure it out, even when Vegeta was transforming right in front of him, so maybe he wasn’t paying attention to this part of King Kai’s story.  Let’s face it, Goku isn’t the sharpest knife in the crayon box.

7) The biggest plot hole is the part where King Kai authoritatively states that it was the Kami of Planet Vegeta who summoned the world-ending meteor shower that Raditz spoke of.  In truth, it was Frieza who destroyed Planet Vegeta and spread the meteor shower story to cover up the truth.  While we can forgive King Kai for not being aware of what really happened, it’s weird how he offers context to a version of events that never took place.  Then again, Planet Vegeta would have had its own Kami, who must have been displeased with the Saiyans, so maybe that Kami planned to destroy the planet, and King Kai was aware of these plans, but he never knew that Frieza beat the Kami to the punch.   For that matter, maybe Frieza stopped Vegeta’s Kami from summoning the meteor shower, because he wanted to wait until the whole population was on the planet before pulling the trigger.

8) Uh sure, King Kai, only four surviving Saiyans.

All that being said, a lot of elements in this story still hold up today, probably  because of Toriyama’s input on this episode, including the Tuffle concept.  For example:

1) The Saiyan population is quite low in King Kai’s story, which would be echoed in Dragon Ball Minus, which states that there are roughly 10,000 Saiyans around the time Planet Vegeta was destroyed.

2) While the Kami of Planet Vegeta has been retconned to hell, the basic concept of a god condemning the Saiyans to extinction resembles the way Beerus authorized Planet Vegeta’s destruction, as revealed in Battle of Gods.

3) The Saiyans’ primitive buildings in this episode look a lot like the lumpy, misshapen houses seen in Dragon Ball Minus and DBS: Broly.  And yet the larger, more advanced buildings, like King Vegeta’s palace and the elite nursery, are comparable to the Tuffle cities. So the idea of Planet Vegeta being this world of contrasts has carried on across 30+ years.

Anyway, that’s all I have.......... for now.

Oh, right, can’t talk about this episode without mentioning Knife Lady. 💗🗡️

[dannyreviews]

I Am Celine Dion (2024)

Two weeks ago, Celine Dion managed with all her strength to steal the show at the Olympic Opening Ceremony amidst her bout with Stiff Person Syndrome. Whether this performance turns out to be her swan song or not, it shows the courage that she had to appear in front of the entire world. The new documentary "I Am Celine Dion" is an up close look at the diva as you've never seen her before, and my reaction is to see her in her prime instead.

The documentary opens in 2021 when Celine is coming to terms with her recent diagnosis of Stiff Person Syndrome. She has had to cancel an upcoming Vegas residency to her dismay, but her lack of strength and lethargic singing has forced her away from the stage. However, Celine is not one to stay at home and away from the public eye. She makes online appearances, cuts a song or two and dubs a film. Interweaved into the present are archive footage of her performances, old interviews and TV appearances and home videos of her with her late husband Rene and their three sons.

The average person wants to eavesdrop on their favorite celebrity, whether it's their home life or going out to dinner. But when it comes to them being sick and at their most vulnerable, it's nothing short of depressing. "I Am Celine Dion" should really be retitled "I Am Suffering" because for more than half of the film, we are subjected to her "poor poor me" mentality. I'm not putting her bout with the disease down, but when every other scene is about her saying how she can't perform or have a productive life interspersed with footage of the Celine Dion of the 1990s that took on the world, the content borders more on pathetic. Near the end of the film, we see Celine have a seizure during a physical therapy session. Talk about depressing the viewer even more when we've already been subjected to a wealth of TMI. I thought the documentary about Roger Ebert had its depressing moments, but at least with that film, there was a fine balance between the past and the present. With Celine Dion, we really don't get to know more of her upbringing, her big breaks, her marriage to Rene and collaborations with her peers. All we get is the soap opera aspect of her life, backed by a mix of opulence and narcissism.

There is one part of the documentary that put a smile on my face and that was Celine's admiration of Australia's Voice John Farnham, whose documentary "Finding The Voice" I recently reviewed. As a respite to the depressing content, we see Celine come alive as she views a Youtube video of Farnham performing his cover of The Beatles' "Help" and marveling over his singing and musicianship. If the Farnham documentary doesn't get him more exposure in the US, then Celene Dion's doc might do the trick. The segment concludes with Celine being interviewed for the Farnham documentary and footage of the two performing at one of her shows. I would also have liked to see more about her collaboration with French singer/songwriter Jean-Jacques Goldman who is only seen for a few seconds on film and is never mentioned by name once. Goldman is another legendary figure whose fame eluded American audiences and should have been given his due as well. How about mentions of her other collaborators like Quebecois singer Rene Simard or more well known singers like Barbra Streisand or Luciano Pavarotti? Again, we learn very little about Celine's past and that's what the audience should have been subjected to instead.

Going back to the Olympic Opening ceremony, I think it would have more prudent to put off releasing the documentary until after the ceremony and use the performance as an epilogue to leave the viewer with some hope for the future. Instead, the last line is Celine blurting out the following statement, "If I can't walk, I'll crawl". This could have been the portrait of a musical legend that gently broached upon her current health problems, but instead we get more of the baggage and less of the music.

6/10

[shihalyfie]

@rustyrick2022 replied to your post “I’ve noticed that some of the dub writers have...”:

Yeah, it's a shame if you ask me, but the dub could have ultimately turned out a lot worse, and despite some elements just being eye-rolling for me as an adult, I still think it's servicable.

​Pretty much. I do think it’s a serious problem that the Digimon fanbase will just outright dismiss the idea the dub changes matter for anything just because it was “fair for its day” -- just because it was comparatively closer to the original next to other dubs of its time doesn’t mean those changes weren’t significant at all -- but at the same time, the fact it wasn’t nearly as aggressive as other contemporary dubs is actually true.

Not even for the reasons most people cite. The usual go-to standbys for claiming “the Digimon dub didn’t change that much” are:

"They gave the kids 'nicknames' instead of changing their names fully”: This only applies to Adventure, and in practice the “nicknames” were pretty much exclusively used in the series and merch, with their “full names” never to be seen past the first episode (and when “Izzy”, a nickname based on a character’s surname, is used by the kid’s own parents, it’s clear that “retained names” is really not the case in practice at all). You’d have a better case talking about the high percentage of retained names in Tamers and Frontier (but those were around the time of the Disney switch, so...). In addition, while “name changes” are an easy low hanging fruit when it comes to talking about localization, they actually say very little about how much the series changed on the whole. Data Squad turned “Noguchi Ikuto” into “Keenan Crier”, and yet is probably one of the closer dubs to the original Japanese source material.

"They left the setting in Japan”: ...but they also took out 95% of the cultural context that came with it, and basically the only reason they even were willing to admit the Japanese setting was because the Odaiba arc in Adventure involving so many real-life locations pushed them into a corner. Before then, they turned Hikarigaoka into Highton View Terrace, and they tried very hard to avoid the word “Odaiba” even after that.

However, it is true that if you looked at the other dubs from the infamous 4Kids and such at the time, you’d be looking at things like entirely cut or shifted episodes, cut arcs, heavy changes to the plot itself, and so on and so forth. As far as Digimon’s American English early dubbing went:

No episodes were cut (not even one!). The majority of footage cuts/edits are relegated to little things like impact frames, cigarettes and alcohol, toilet humor, and other fairly minor things. Contrary to popular opinion, I don’t actually think Citramon is that big of a deal. (The part where they danced around Kurata planting a bomb on Relena might be more important, but even then that’s nowhere near cutting a full episode.)

With one exception, all character deaths were treated as deaths and not covered up, and the impact said deaths had on the characters around them was thus treated accordingly. (I'm absolutely not in the camp who calls for bloodshed for the sake of it, but I think we can agree that there are a lot of plot points revolving around characters’ deaths and grief over them that would be very seriously damaged if said deaths were cut.)

Even at its most extreme moments of inserting jokes during mental breakdowns, it still let the important drama scenes stand to some degree. Too many things weren’t even willing to do that.

As much as I think the Digimon fanbase downplays the amount of characterization changes that happened in dubbing way too much, it’s also true that you’d see this much and more in other contemporary series -- it’s just that Seki-produced Digimon being so incredibly character-centric, along with Adventure and 02 having ridiculously single-line-dependent writing styles, made even small changes have more of an impact than probably anyone expected. (To be honest, I’m willing to give the dub writing team benefit of the doubt that they didn’t think the changes they were making would be enough to bite them in the rear later as much as they did. You can actually see an attempt to back down on the changes in the latter half of 02, presumably because they realized how bad things were going to get if they didn’t stop going off the rails with Daisuke.) Also, I have a hot take in that the American English dub take on Ken is arguably more accurate to his original character than the way a lot of fans talk about him in Japanese...

Even if they were often insensitive about it, the dub writers for Digimon did actually like working on it and are still happy to talk about it, which is significant because you would not believe how many dub writers back then seriously despised the very material they were working on and wrote it with the attitude of it being as shallow as they saw it as. It’s a low bar, but at least our Digimon dub writers seem to have respected the series on some level.

The Movie is a total mishmash, but it’s hardly the only mishmash dub product in existence (Robotech, anyone?), and it’s also not like anime theatrical movies would often make it to localization at all -- especially when we were lucky enough to still get some of the other movies too!

The voice acting is actually really good! I wondered if this was maybe just my bias, but no, Digimon really was blessed with a good cast and good voice direction compared to a lot of dubs that are painful to watch even with good scripts.

All of these really feel like low bars/the bare minimum in retrospect, and I don’t think they should be above criticism for these. But that really was what dubs were like back then! I’m not going to hold back in any criticisms or complaints I have about it, and I’m still going to call out the fandom myth of it being a dub that “didn’t change much”, but there’s only so much I can get worked up over something from 20 years ago that was in line with an entire ongoing industry problem. It could have been worse. It could have been a dub that completely stepped all over the characters and really did make it into a soulless toy advertisement, but it still did most of its job of touching kids’ hearts and conveying the important messages and give us something to talk about all these years later. And I mean, I took 02′s message of not getting too hung up on the past we can’t change instead of prioritizing what to do going forward very much to heart, so that’s how I feel about it now.

[agateophilia101]

The Opet Festival was astounding, just as I anticipated in my previous post about the event. It was everything I personally wanted it to be. The Opet Festival Parade in particular was pure fantasy, it was almost unreal, I felt like I was dreaming. The singing in our beautiful ancient Egyptian language is just otherworldly, and we Egyptians can feel it penetrating our hearts in a peculiar manner; how do I even describe this? It is like using the color to color, instead of just having the color in your color palette. The reason our ancient language sounds so musical when we Egyptians pronounce it is simple, and I mentioned it before, it is that our current spoken language (the modern Egyptian language) has the same vocalic system as the later stage of our ancient language, the Coptic stage in particular, among other things that I mentioned in the posts I made about the Pharaohs' Golden Parade. Now, since people are comparing, I took my time to reflect, and I can say with certainty, and this is my opinion, that the Opet Festival Parade surpassed the parade from the Pharaohs' Golden Parade. But, the hymn to ꜣs.t, from the Pharaohs' Golden Parade, remains unsurpassed, it is going to take a lot to surpass it, but honestly we don't need it to be surpassed; I’m just entertaining the comparison. First, before talking about anything, here is the event; I went on a hunt for the best quality video, and I avoid dubbed things, because dubbing ruins the atmosphere. The first video below has the best footage and audio, but from 44:00 to 1:10:00, it is going to break and lag, but it will return to normal at 1:10:00. Thankfully, this ruined part does not include the Opet Festival Parade; the Opet Festival Parade is at the end. So I put the second video for the ruined part only, since the quality of this second video is lower than the first video, so watch the ruined part in the second video from 41:00 to 1:09:00, because it contains important things about the festival, and about Luxor, with footage from inside the temples, and then go back to the first video when the speech of Dr. Khaled el-Anany starts at 1:10:00 for the Opet Festival Parade, because the parade needs to be watched in the best quality possible. Then after the first video ends, go to the second video for the ending credits, which has a good version of the music. Pardon my OCD. Here is the first video:

And here is the second video:

So, the Opet Festival Parade surpassed the parade from the Pharaohs' Golden Parade for a lot of reasons. First, the temples were an efficient time machine, and everything else, from the light reflected from the water onto the temple walls at the very beginning, the very start of the music and the ethereal reverb, the subtle harp, the subtle movements of the dancers, the mystic lighting, the incense smoke, the attire, among many other things, including the overall atmosphere, put one in a state of trance, it was ethereal in every way, but most importantly, it is entirely about the rituals. And the woman on top of the temple, she made me feel like a "naddaha" is about to call for me. Like I said, the Opet Festival Parade was ethereal. I hope Dr. Khaled el-Anany (our Egyptian minister of Antiquities and Tourism) manages to make it into an annual event, he expressed his desire to do so; if there is a festival that deserves to be an annual celebration, then it is the Opet Festival, for many reasons, including that it is still alive to this day in Egypt, see below. Now, the hymn to ı͗mn (the great god Amun), and the hymn to queen Hatshepsut (ḥꜣ.t šps.wt, may her name be forever spoken) were absolutely magnificent and beautiful, and all of us Egyptians got goosebumps while listening to them, they, too, were ethereal, they were like a call from the ancient past. So, when I maintain, and I'm sure the majority of Egyptians will agree, that the hymn to ꜣs.t remains unsurpassed, this only attests to how much the hymn to ꜣs.t affected us Egyptians, it was just a moment of pure worship. But still, the hymn to ı͗mn and the hymn to ḥꜣ.t šps.wt from this event were mesmerizing, and made me feel like I was dreaming, a moment of worship befitting the greatness of ı͗mn, and the decision that a male voice is the proper choice for that part of the hymn to ı͗mn is genius; my spirit was elevated into a trance every time he chanted "ı͗mn-rꜥ". I can’t stop thinking about the event, and the one thing I can't get out of my head is the following. The single most important thing that all of us Egyptians should pay attention to is, there is an artistic style that has taken shape, from the two events; the choreography, the ritualistic atmosphere, the attire, the characteristically Egyptian compositions that use Egyptian musical instruments and captures the spirit of us Egyptians in characteristically Egyptian orchestras coupled with the hymns in our beautiful ancient Egyptian language, the decorations that has ancient Egypt written all over it, etc., are becoming definite, any subsequent event, and by the way there will be many more to come, should maintain the basic elements from that style, with variations and innovations of course, there is something that has developed here from the ancient traditions, and it is magnificent. These are crucial steps toward culture revitalization, as in this is part of how it actually starts to happen. The most crucial step however is our ancient Egyptian language, that must be taken to the next step, if not by our government, then by us Egyptians, and I'm aware that many Egyptians, including myself, are already fully engaged with our ancient Egyptian language. Another thing that is crucial to any cultural revitalization is the architecture, and that too has been developing in the new administrative capital of Egypt, but that requires another post, which I'll probably make at some point, but suffice it to say here that the architecture of the new capital of Egypt has ancient Egypt written all over it. I'm certain the Egyptians behind the making of these events are indeed fully aware of these things, given the speeches that our president has been giving regarding the Egyptian identity, the visual identity, and the freedom of religion; one of his most important statements which he made several times is that "every Egyptian has the freedom to believe or disbelieve"; I consider this to be the single most important statement from an Egyptian president in the history of modern Egypt. The single most important one. I just hope the rest of the institutions follow in his footsteps, but I also hope he is willing to take this to the next level; he has the sweeping majority of us Egyptians by his side, specially the youth, but the religious institutions are engaged in a witch-hunt, let alone that medieval "law" which the religious institutions rely on in their witch-hunt; that medieval "law" has to be completely removed. I mentioned in my previous post about the event that the Opet Festival is one of the ancient festivals that survive in Egypt to this day in new clothes, so let's talk about the rituals of Abu-elHaggag's Moulid. The moulid of Abu-elHaggag is one of thousands of moulids in Egypt, its rituals are the same rituals of the Opet Festival. I'm quite happy that they talked about this in the event itself. It is not just Abu-elHaggag's moulid that I wanted to talk about, the "moulid" iself is an Egyptian invention, and the moulids in Egypt are going on almost all year long, we have thousands of them, because we Egyptians glorify our local figures in a tradition that is traceable back to ancient times, the rituals of the moulids are also traceable back to ancient times, Egyptians build "domes" for these figure, and visit them constantly, they are considered a connection between the Egyptians and their god, just like the ancient tradition, this has nothing to do with the vile things that came from Semitic West-Asia (all of them), this is an ancient tradition, these figures do not mean anything to anyone outside the Egyptian village, and certainly none of these figures mean anything to anyone outside Egypt. We not only celebrate the moulids (births), we also have rituals for death, some of them are, peculiarly, called "moulids" too! These nomenclatures are important, because they say something about our worldview and its ancient origin. The worldview of rural Egyptians in particular has nothing to do with the vile things that came from Semitic West-Asia (all of them), except in a very shallow manner, our worldview is mythological in character, specially rural Egyptian women, but I won't talk about these things; whenever I decide to talk at length about these things it will be in the language that we speak. I should also mention in passing that we parade the dead from their homes to their tombs before burying them, but that is a very long story for another time; just a single word/hint to the hypothetical Egyptian that is reading this: “fly”. When they were showing Abu-elHaggag's moulid in the event, at 52:20 in the second video, the chants were something I'm quite familiar with; being a rural Egyptian myself, I was constantly surrounded by these voices and rituals while growing up, my village (which is in Middle Egypt; Middle Egypt is usually considered part of Upper Egypt by the way) had its own figure that was celebrated, a village next to ours had two, and both villages celebrated each other's figures. As a young teenager, I participated several times in what is known as Zikr/Zar rituals in my village, so these sounds and chants made me feel like I was sitting right there with them, because these are the typical voices you hear in these rituals. In my previous post about this event, which was 26 days ago, when I wrote that I was going to go into details about the survival of the Opet Festival in new clothes, I intended to share a few things here, and I'm extremely happy that a lot of Egyptians have beaten me to it and shared these things on Twitter, this makes me truly happy, because the numbers of Egyptians fighting for their history and heritage and for its revitalization are exponentially increasing. Here is a video, made in 1925 and shared by the MET, that shows Abu-elHaggag's moulid, as well as showing the overall cultural continuity between ancient Egypt and modern Egypt, specially rural Egypt, I'm familiar with everything in this video:

And here is a video showing Abu-elHaggag's moulid from 1975:

And here is a video showing Abu-elHaggag's moulid from 2015:

Again, as I mentioned in my previous post about the event, ancient Egyptian culture is not dead in any sense, it survives in every inch of Egypt. Back to the event. One of the things that should always be mentioned is, the magnificence of Egyptian women. I will always say this over and over again: Egyptian women have an amazing sense of Egyptian culture. And this is prevalent even in a simple clapping of the hand. They naturally excel at whatever they do. May they be freed from the shackles put on them by the vile things that came from Semitic West-Asia (all of them). Oh, and let's not forget to mention the "tahtib" that was quickly shown in the event, at 39:17 in the first video, and it is in the video from 1925 above, in which it is called "single stick contests". Tahtib is an ancient Egyptian practice, it is practiced in Upper Egypt, including Middle Egypt, exactly the same way as it is depicted on temple walls. I wish they focused more on it in this event, but they had so much to do, if they focused on everything that was shown the event could easily become about 10 hours long or something, I myself wouldn't have minded this event being 10 hours long. The music throughout was just magnificent, each part/movement actually has the potential to be developed into an entire work in and of itself, certain parts felt like an overture. I hope our great Nader Abbasi collaborates with other Egyptian composers and actually develop these into further pieces; it will not happen, but I just thought I should put the idea out there. Also the subtle mention of the Nile waters, and its absolute importance to us Egyptian, both on a spiritual level as well as all other levels. There is a subtle nod there if you are following the current events in the region. I will think of this event as a seed, and if there is something a rural Egyptian knows, it's what happens to a seed when it gets planted and cared for. Here are a few photos I snapshotted from the event for documentation purposes; I have successfully resisted the urge to put every single frame from the Opet Festival Parade here:

The Opet Festival Parade:

[goggles-mcgee]

Too Late: Nadja & Alec (Commission for miner249er)

Second chapter of @miner249er ‘s commission!

Chapter Summary: The TVi News Special with hosts Nadja Chamack and Alec Cataldi

Previous Work

Last Chapter                                       Next Chapter

“Don’t be bemused, it's just the news! I’m Nadja Chamack and I am joined today with Alec Cataldi. Today’s hour special brought to you by this studio is ‘The Protector Really Paris’s Protector?’ This has been a hot debate amongst blogs, forums, and many more platforms. We bring you not only the public opinion but never before seen footage of the Protector.” Nadja gave her standard intro and she tried to put as much energy in it as she could but as soon as the words left her mouth she felt sick. If the words had tastes they would have been ash. She knew her studio wasn’t the best, her akumatization was a shining example of that, but her studio teaming up with Alec Cataldi? That was bad news waiting to happen. They sprung this whole ‘special’ on her only hours before so Nadja hadn’t even been able to warn Sabine and Tom about it. 

Ever since she was a little girl Nadja knew she wanted to be on TV. At first she thought she wanted to be an actor, she never thought she would become a reporter but when she did she fell in love with it. Following a story and being the one to let everyone know about it, it was a rush she sought for years. Then she had Manon, she still chased stories but she liked to think she had toned down the recklessness people told her she had before, but then Ladybug and Chat Noir showed up and her bosses demanded more of her. More shots of their fights, more close-ups of akumas, interviews with akumas, interviews with the victims, interviews with the heroes, the workload just got steeper and steeper. Of course Nadja was grateful for her city’s heroes, more than anything, Hawkmoth wasn’t just some silly villain like many thought, like her studio thought, he was a terrorist plain and simple and he had covered Paris in a blanket of fear.

Then one day he was gone, along with his accomplice Mayura, but with them was the disappearance of a girl that Nadja cared for deeply. Marinette Dupain-Cheng, she had met the girl when she was a tiny little thing, a little younger than Manon when Nadja had first visited Tom & Sabine’s Boulangerie Patisserie. Nadja had been just starting out at her studio at that time and she had just gotten through her first broadcast so she thought why not buy herself a little reward? A producer at the studio had actually been the one to suggest Tom & Sabine’s, she had been raving about their cakes and tarts so Nadja decided to see if they really were worth all the hype. No surprise here that they really were. What really made that day memorable besides the tasty treats was the little girl who came up to her and held out a hand to her shyly, she had never been great with kids but she did the only thing she could think of and put her hand out.

That was when she had gotten her first ‘Marinette Original’ as her parents had taken to calling her creations. It was a little hair clip with a bow on it, the bow was clearly taped onto the clip but it was precious all the same. She fondly remembered Sabine lightheartedly scolding her daughter for just making someone take something from her instead of asking if they wanted it but it was obvious the little girl didn’t fully understand. Nadja had laughed and laughed and had thanked the girl, she still had that clip, but now she had to keep it in a safe due to thieves who called themselves “modest collectors.” It pained her to see people forget the name Marinette Dupain-Cheng and only remember her as Paris’s last akuma, the Protector. It was hard enough trying to explain to Manon why mommy had to talk about Marinette on the news so much, it was harder to lie to her about when or if Marinette would come back. 

Manon had taken to writing letters for Marinette to ask her to come back because she missed her. Nadja had to call into work that day, in the early hours of the morning, Manon had awoken from a nightmare and had been crying. Nadja had gone into her daughter’s room to console her when Manon caught her off guard by asking if the reason Marinette wasn’t coming back was because Manon had been bad the last time Marinette had babysat her. It had taken a long time to convince Manon that that wasn’t the case, and when Nadja got a moment alone she let herself cry and pray to anyone listening to bring Marinette back home to them. 

“What do you think Nadja?” Alec’s voice ripped Nadja from her memories abruptly. 

“Well-,” She started keeping her face calm though inside she was stressing, she hadn’t been paying attention to what Alec had been discussing.

“If you ask me those kids are as bad as Hawkmoth was! The talk about what happened in that classroom is all the evidence I need.” Oh so he was talking about Marinette’s classroom, or as they have been dubbed, The Akuma Class.

“That’s not evidence Alec, and you should know since you host one of the most watched shows on television, Alternative Truth.”

“That’s right Nadja! Where everything isn’t always true, but nothing is really false! But really, what is your opinion on the akuma class being the reason behind the akuma The Protector?” Alec asked as he turned to face Nadja, though not fully so the cameras would still get a good shot of him. “Many have said they were at school that day and the Protector was there to speak her truth!”

“I...I know I don’t speak for every akumatized person out there Alec, but I do know someone can be akumatized for anything. If the rumors of what went on in that class, in that school are true, then it’s no wonder Mlle Dupain-Cheng was akumatized. I don’t know if anyone would have been able to withstand that treatment.” That was the answer she settled on, she didn’t want to feed any fires and she certainly didn’t want her studio to know she knew what happened in the classroom since Sabine told her everything. Nadja swore she would do her best to keep it off-air, this was her best she reasoned to herself even if she didn’t believe it. 

“Too true Nadja! I mean we’ve all seen how many times M Pidgeon got akumatized, or even Gigantitan. A literal baby. One has to wonder how sane Hawkmoth really was, which leads me to a juicy rumor! That our own resident hermit fashion designer Gabriel Agreste was the one and only Hawkmoth.” Alec announced with his usual flair and Nadja, not for the first time by any means, had to wonder how he didn’t get sued, or if he did how he never was scared of the possibility. 

“That is quite the rumor Alec. Is there any legs for it to stand on?” She asked per her vague instructions given by the studio's director. 

“Glad you asked Nadja! We have a video of The Protector going into the Agreste Mansion and after a period of time, leaving. Now we don’t know what happened inside but hours later we had you and your team there at the mansion along with other news stations when M Agreste and his assistant Mlle Nathalie Sancoeur were brought out of the mansion on stretchers. Then not long after, in your words,’ a dazed Mme Agreste was spotted coming out of the house.’ That was after the police search!” Nadja had to hand it to Alec, he sure knew how to run his mouth. 

“I do remember that day. But how is that connected to Hawkmoth?” Now she was genuinely curious about what he was insinuating.

“Think about it Nadja, why would the Protector, an akuma who proclaimed to protect the innocent, go into the Agreste Mansion. Then later it is found that M Agreste and his assistant just so happened to be “attacked.” From the footage we have of the two on stretchers, they were in bad shape and the only one who visited them was the Protector! After that we haven’t heard from Hawkmoth or Mayura. Plus the Protector promised she would get rid of Hawkmoth for the people of Paris.”

“So you don’t believe it was just a random attack that happened at the same time that an akuma was loose in Paris?”

“I’m not saying that. I’m just saying that there are a lot of big coincidences. And I’m not saying definitively that Gabriel Agreste was Hawkmoth, but the rumors do make a compelling case! He had the time to himself to akumatize anyone he pleased, he had a partner, if we are inferring that Mlle Sancoeur was Mayura, and he had a motive. But again this is all speculation.”

“Speculation. Right.” Nadja could feel a familiar sense of dread in her stomach, in her chest, in her throat as she got ready to segway into her part of the special. Her and Alec would continue to go back and forth on their subjects but Nadja had been wary since they started. “Speaking of possible secret identities, recent evidence has shown us that...that may just confirm the popular rumor and theory that Marinette Dupain-Cheng, The Protector, was actually our one and only Ladybug.”

Nadja hadn’t wanted to believe it, that Marinette was Ladybug, not because she couldn’t see the girl as their hero, but because it made too much sense and that scared her. It scared her because it meant they had all placed their lives in the hands of a teenager, they had placed a responsibility that only adults should have to handle, on a child. They took a normal childhood away from her, or as normal as it could be with a villain who preyed upon emotions but the point still stood. It was weird, before Marinette had disappeared, if Nadja had seen a picture of her and Ladybug next to each other she would have said they were obviously different people, but now it was like a slap to the face because of how obviously Marinette was Ladybug and vice versa. 

“Now, I know that it is a lot to process,” I’m still processing it, “but let’s go over the evidence and as promised viewers video footage of The Protector in action. This footage was donated to us by an anonymous source who had happened upon The Protector out in the open when she was akumatized. I want to warn everybody, the footage may be shocking to some viewers. Roll the clip please.” Nadja felt like the words shot out of her mouth before she could even think about them but she knew she was supposed to say them so why did they leave such a foul taste in her mouth? She couldn’t even force herself to watch the video a second time, her and Alec had to review every video or post they were going to show on the broadcast and she had barely kept it together then. Now? She felt like she was being held together by cheap scotch tape. 

Even if she wasn’t watching the video she could still hear Marinette’s cries, her sobs, she lost the fight as she had a tear fall. She did her best to be discrete as she brought her handkerchief up to blot the tear away but that was a mistake. There on the edge of the handkerchief was Marinette’s signature, she forgot that she had been given it when Manon was born. It was a present from Marinette, the girl had joked it would be a help for all the tears she was crying because she had actually given birth and actually made a tiny human being. The same tiny human being who was distraught that not only was her favorite babysitter gone but Ladybug who she adored. That only caused more tears.

“Wow, you weren’t kidding Nadja...Nadja are you okay?” Alec asked, it was actually the first time she had ever heard or seen him care about anyone else other than himself and she didn’t even know if it was genuine or just for the cameras but it still got to her.

“I’m fine. I’m fine.” She stammered as she wiped her tears before giving the camera a practiced smile. “Now before we discuss everything in that video I will say we do have many more to share so stay tuned Paris!”

As soon as she was given the sign that they were on commercial Nadja couldn’t hold it in anymore, she let herself cry. She had tried to be so strong for Manon, for Sabine and Tom, but it was too much. She was vaguely aware of someone talking to her and pressing a box of tissues into her hands but what snapped her out was her boss’s voice. “Snap out of it Mlle Chamack we have a show to do.”

“Snap out of it?” She asked hollowly, out of her peripheral vision she could see Alec glancing between her and her boss before wiping his hands on his legs and pulling out his phone. “You sprung this on me. You knew I had connections to Marinette and her parents. That’s her name you know? Marinette Dupain-Cheng. She’s not just another akuma, hell she’s not Paris’s last akuma like you have named her! She is a teenager, a little girl! A little girl with a mother and a father who are probably sitting at home watching this wondering why their baby has to be seen like this!”

“The Protector is a public figure, Nadja.” Her boss lamely responded back.

“And what? That makes it right? I have worked here for a long time, I had been pressured to work harder, get the stories, get the results and I did. Never have I felt such shame. I love my job but you make me hate it. She’s a child for crying out loud! Do you not realize that? Ladybug was a child! And all you’re worried about is the story!” Nadja knew she must have sounded hysterical but it was so hard to reign in her emotions once she got started. She knew it wasn’t a rare occurrence nowadays but she hated feeling out of control. “She babysat my daughter, my daughter has been asking me everyday when Marinette, when Ladybug, will come back and I don’t have an answer. But she thinks I do because of how much I report on everything!”

“Nadja...I’m sorry. I didn’t think,” her boss began.

“No you didn’t. And you haven’t. But for once in your life think now. I can’t get through this the way you want me to. I know her, I know her parents and this is probably breaking them. So if you want me to continue reporting, let me do it my way. Or I swear I will take those job offers I have been getting recently and I won’t look back.” Nadja’s voice felt a little hoarse but she didn’t care.

No one spoke for awhile until an intern shakily told them that they would be back on-air soon. Then everything was back in motion. Alec hastily took a drink of his water while Nadja’s makeup artist came out to do touchups, she was very gentle, almost hesitant. Even though everyone was doing their best to relieve the tension in the room, Nadja’s gaze from her boss did not waver, not even for a second, even as he ran a hand over his face. There were murmurs going on, probably about the spectacle she created but she really couldn’t care less. 

“...Okay Nadja...You do this how you want to. For what it’s worth, I am sorry.” He finally said.

“I appreciate that.” She breathed out. “When we report on her, please just...say her name. She isn’t the Protector, she isn’t just Ladybug, she’s Marinette Dupain-Cheng and she is still missing. Yes, she was Paris’s last akuma but that’s not all she was. Yes she was Ladybug. Our hero who did everything to keep us safe, even when she was akumatized. She is also a daughter, a granddaughter, a friend. Not an icon. Not a celebrity. So for the love of God have some empathy. Yes we are reporters but we are more than that as well.” 

Again it was quite but then there was a chorus of murmured agreements, even from her boss and Alec. She gave a firm nod at everyone as she took a deep breath to steady herself for when the cameras would be turned back to them once more. This time though she would get to talk about Marinette as more than what every other news station, magazine, newspaper, and blog had been painting her out to be. Her and Alec would still do their parts, they would still talk about what they were assigned but Nadja was determined to put more humanity into the special. 

“I’m sorry Nadja. I have never thought about it the way you have. I guess I was always in the mindset of the akuma being separate? If that makes any sense?” Alec admitted.

Nadja gave him a sad smile and patted his hand. “It’s okay Alec. I understand...when I was Prime Queen...I didn’t want to believe it was me. For a long time I refused to believe it was me, but it was. The akumas are people and I think it’s time we start acting like it.” 

“Yeah...yeah I think you’re right.” Alec mumbled. Nadja wasn’t sure if her words truly did anything, everyone in the TVi studio knew how Alec was, but maybe now that Hawkmoth was gone, maybe everyone could move on and grow. 

Nadja turned to face the cameras when the cameraman waved to get their attention and started his countdown, when she knew the cameras were on Nadja gave them the most sincere smile she could. “Welcome back everyone, Nadja Chamack here with Alec Cataldi as we continue our special, ‘The Protector Really Paris’s Protector?’ Before we continue on I would like to start off with I lied before when I said I was fine before the commercial break. I knew Marinette Dupain-Cheng, the one you all like to refer as her akuma name, before I continue on with the rest of my report I would like to tell you about her.”

Last Chapter                                           Next Chapter

[nic-spit]

UPDATED (‼️) 10/23 HORROR MOVIES WATCHED 2K22

‼️ Disclaimer ‼️ these are half baked opinions that, in the end, do not really matter, and have no effect nor hold any judgement on if you enjoyed/did not enjoy the same movies. I have no critical thinking skills and the number rankings are frivolous at best. YMMV. Have a good day. I love you drink some water. Be cool.

TO BE UPDATED

SPOILERS AHEAD

COMEDY-HORROR

Not everyone enjoys the hack n slash and brutality of other horror types so let's start with some lighter movies for those folks:

HOLLYBLOOD (Netflix) - 7/10

Spanish (dubbed) Twilight parody turned very very very light thriller. Literally, Hollyblood is the in-universe name for a Twilight movie. Has the most supportive dad to exist. "He's confused but he's got the spirit" in human form. CGI is minimal and cheesy, practical effects are cheesy and silly as hell. A good time. Desperate teen love, and nuns. Guys wearing eyeliner. A+

‼️ GIRLS WITH BALLS (Netflix) - 7/10

Who hasn't wanted to hunt volleyball players in the woods? As silly as it is creepy. Moral of the story: don't let old men lick your face. Has a minstrel.

THE BABYSITTER (Netflix) - 9/10

Always a sucker for an Evil Barbie. Has some of the most bloodthirsty teenagers in it who can also be wholesomely supportive of the kid they're trying to kill. Found Family in reverse. So much blood and a good amount of gore. Loses a point for the kid wanting to be a cop tho.

MY BEST FRIENDS EXORCISM (Amazon) - 10/10

Trauma and backstabbing everywhere, just like real highschool. Adults not caring about their teenage daughters, just like real highschool!! Bash from GLOW teaching kids about lifting weights for Jesus!! Just like real highschool!!!! For real tho the 4 main characters are all pretty insufferable in a realistic way and the more horror the movie turns the less i think Bash from GLOW was told it was a horror movie and not a straight comedy.

CLASSIC HORROR/THRILLER

Blood n gore and monsters and sometimes magic:

THE PRIVILEGE (Netflix) - 0/10

Idk what the fuck even happened in this movie. Nothing happened and nothing mattered. Don't ask too many questions cuz they won't answer them. Maybe ghosts? Maybe demons? What was with the old lady?

BLAIR WITCH (2016) (Netflix) - 0/10

Why did we watch this we hate found footage this made no sense IF EVERYONE DIED WHO FOUND THE FOOTAGE

‼️ THE INFLUENCE (Netflix) - 1/10

Pros: a couple cool visuals, strong lighting motifs

Cons: NOTHING IN THIS STORY MADE SENSE WHY DID ANY OF THIS HAPPEN HOW DID ANY OF THIS HAPPEN NOTHING WAS COHERENT

‼️ THE BOY 2 (Netflix) - 2/10

Definitely worse than the first. Took something that was creepy in it's own right and turned it into a cheesy supernatural flick.

‼️ BLAIR WITCH PROJECT (1999) (Hulu) - 2/10

GOD I JUST REALLY HATE FOUND FOOTAGE literally NOTHING happened but weird sounds, getting turned around, and teeth in a bundle of sticks. Only gets two points because the main character lady's fear did feel real to me. She carried that movie, cuz it's not like there was ever actually a witch to do anything lol. Liked the original more than the remake only because it felt less 'produced'. If i didn't have the internet i could possibly believe this was three kids fucking around in the woods. The new one? Lol no.

Note: i can see tho how with the marketing when this movie came out people would be freaked out by it, but by today's standards it's...weak.

NO ONE SLEEPS IN THE WOODS TONIGHT (Netflix) - 4/10

A Polish (dubbed) kids-at-camp type movie.  Mostly disappointed in how the fact they were at a tech-addiction camp never came into play outside of not having phones, and a lot of the deaths felt anticlimactic. Also aliens? Not much CGI use and one or two of the practical moments was cool. Gain points for hilarious mannequin head toss and Jurek's death scene.

‼️ THE BOY (Netflix) - 5/10

Never thought I'd be absolutely viscerally disgusted by someone saying the word 'kiss' but hey this movie did it

‼️ A CLASSIC HORROR MOVIE (Netflix) - 6/10

I wanted this to be good, after learning the twist. I really did. Loved the premise, but for some reason it just felt sloppy. Coulda been really good if it had pushed a bit further. Will gladly rewatch.

THERE'S SOMEONE INSIDE YOUR HOUSE (Netflix) - 7/10

All the gays live. The killer is not who you'd probably expect but exactly who it should be. Kids trying to survive high school. The killers motives made no sense after the first two murders.

‼️ THE WRETCHED (Netflix) - 7/10

This was genuinely a solid movie. Plot was cliche but they worked with it really well! Actually enjoyed watching it and not just making fun of it! THE DOG LIVES

ELI (Netflix) - 7/10

Not really a horror movie? Nothing scary in it but some predictable jump scares. Cool movie anyway tho. Netflix is lying about the 'heart-stopping scares'. Medical horror, maybe.

‼️ OCULUS (Hulu) - 8/10

Definitely had some of the most disturbing scenes we've watched so far, but still just not scary. Are we just immune to scare??? Loved how they did what's real/what isn't. Def had me guessing for a lot of it. Still don't think it's clear what was and wasn't real (in a good way, not a frustrating/bad way). I would trust Karen Gillan to exorcise my house.

INCARNATE (Netflix) - 8/10

Short (84 minutes) sweet and to the point. Did its thing and ended. Inception but Demons, hosted by Mr. Batman Two Face himself. Genuinely want more.

TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE (2022) (Netflix) - 8/10

Gentrification Is Bad and Influencers are Fucking Annoying: The Movie.  Lots of blood and screaming, loved the inclusion of school shooting trauma. Party Bus massacre best massacre. No magic no monsters just a pissed off dude committing murders in the name of his mom and town.

THE RITUAL (Netflix) - 9/10

Andy Serkis's movie about why camping is bad and he's right to say it. Fuck hiking. Norse mythology, cool monster, cool visuals, cults, guilt, friends fighting, compasses spinning in circles, all the good ingredients a horror movie needs.

THE OLD WAYS (Netflix) - 9/10

A somewhat realistic take on someone not believing there's a demon inside them. Cool visuals and effects, definitely had my gag reflex activated strongly at one point. The end is not the end and then there's the REAL end that is SO MUCH BETTER than if they had stopped ten minutes before. Main character ends up badass af. Based in Mexico.

‼️ HELLRAISER (1987) (Hulu) - 9/10

Look i really don't think it's the 'masterpiece' everyone else seems to think, but it was weird, grotesque, creepy, and had a goop man covered in lube so high marks for me. Felt disturbing and wrong, in the right way. Has definitely aged, but still loved it. Highly recommend.

HELLRAISER (2022) (Hulu) - 9/10

Confused on the rules but doesn't matter because Jamie Clayton and cool monster designs. Everyone gettin' off on torture. it's a good time. Love all the skin peeling, it's like helping mom with the potatoes on Thanksgiving

‼️ JASON X (Tubi) - 10/10

Jason Voorhees in the future on a spaceship, decides to immediately commit murder. Becomes half-mechanical Uberjason and fights a hot Android babe in head to toe leather with an unfortunate haircut. The vacuum of space can't even stop him. Earth 2. Amazing movie, perfect no notes.

A LIL DIFFERENT

Focused more on the mystery and story than the amount of gore scattered around (not that there's NO gore mind you):

THE BYE BYE MAN (Netflix) - 0/10

Yes we watched this because of the name. It should probably go under the Classic Horror style group but because of how hard it failed at feeling like horror it doesn't deserve to be there. The entire budget went into getting Carie-Anne Moss for the last half hour and honestly she's the best part of it. There's like?? No blood?? Would get two points for the cool little girl who saves her family by not being able to read in the dark but not even that can reclaim how bad this was. 3 college kids dick around and the killer does NOTHING the whole movie.

‼️ BOO BITCH (Netflix) - 8/10

Ghostfacers meets Mean Girls. I'm putting it on this list because it includes ghosts, which is sorta Halloweeny. Loved the look into the boyfriends' side of teenage relationships. Silly and cute.

FEAR STREET trilogy (Netflix) - 10/10

Yes loosely based on RL Stine books. Don't worry, the Gays win in this one. All three movies NEED to be binged together honestly imho, separately they fell weird and disconnected. Great story and mystery, the time jumping is great and reveals so much information, Josh and Martin need to be protected and cherished at all times forever. Lots of violence and blood, gore is few and far between.

[a-la-la-llama]

The one where Marinette Steals the Batmobile #1

I’m trying to get a schedule going for my writing and planning on writing one-shots and posting them every Monday. We’ll see How this goes, Enjoy!

Part 2     Part 3

  Fifteen year old Marinette didn’t know what her future would hold but her younger self did not expect this. Five months before her thirteenth birthday she was given the Ladybug Miraculous. After that she was named the guardian of more than a dozen pocket sized gods while still trying to defeat Paris’ villian. By the time she turned fourteen, she had defeated her partner's father, took a hold of all the miraculous’, and became an orphan. The kwami’s supported her in her time of need and understood she was adjusting to not having all her previous weight on her shoulders and the grief of losing her parents in the final battle. With no real person to turn to, she decided to lose herself. What better place for a teenage superhero to retire in than a dark city filled with highly unstable people such as herself. With the Kwami’s and her parents, Master Fu’s, and her own savings she teleported to Gotham City.

  Just because the miraculous were made to stop evil did not mean the Kwami didn’t like getting into mischief. Especially a certain cat, fox, and mouse with no one but the god of creation to stop them. The same thing could be said about Marinette, however, she too was curious about making trouble. The city was practically in rubble but it already had heroes and she no longer wanted the weight of being a hero. Marinette also couldn’t stand the long faces of the tiny gods who wanted nothing more to explore the world. Within the first months of her stay in Gotham she became a well known thief that could rival the infamous Catwoman. She never stole anything for her own gain of course, most of the time it was miraculous’ in museums or bad people’s stuff. At the moment she has three notorious gangs wanting her head for stealing their guns and feeding them to Plagg. The only thing ever left behind was a red symbol much like the design of Master Fu's box.

  “Kitten! I’m so bored, why can’t we go out?”, Plagg whined atop of Marinette’s head.

“You heard what Tikki said, we have to lay low for now since we stole that emerald and ancient headware piece from the museum”, she said.

“But those new kwami’s are so mean!”, Trixx added.

“That’s why they are in the box and you guys are allowed to roam around.”, countered Marinette.

“Mari, you really shouldn't be wearing this many miraculous.”, chided Tikki from her tray of cookies.

“I’m fine, I am only wearing five anyway!”, she responded.

“I for one think three days is enough time. Plus, we don’t have to steal anything, just go out for a joy run!”, Mullo said.

“I agree, please Mari!”, Trixx begged.

“It’s not up to me Miri’s, you have to beg Tikki.”, she responded. Marinette smiled as the three swarmed the red god with pleas and threats to destroy all the cookies in the house. It was all worth the glare Tikki sent her way before she gave in.

“Fine. No stealing, I swear if I find out you did I’ll make you return it!”, the goddess threatened. Just like that a multi mouse, fox, and cat made their way across the rooftops for their latest adventure.

  “What should we do, now?”, asked MultiMouse.

MultiMinou narrowed her eyes at a dark parking lot with only one car parked in it. “Since we finished our joy run, how about we take a joy ride?”, she said with a cat-like grin.

MultiFox wagged her tail in excitement, “It looks nice too! I bet Kalkii would help us transport it to the Kwami dimension to take it for a spin.”, she squealed.

MultiMouse divided herself once more, “Mullo. Kalkii. Merge!”

  The four jumped off the roof they were perched on and made their way towards the car before transforming into their smallest selves. Entering the car through the front all the way to the air ducts was a simple task for the mice. Once inside, Multi Mouse, Minou, and Fox worked on the gas pedals and steering wheel while MultiHorse worked on the portal in the passenger seat.

“How do we even start this thing!”, Minou whined.

“It has a screen right here. Maybe we push it?”, suggested Mouse.

Tapping the screen, the car let out a soft hum before various blue lights turned on. The mice all had one thing on their mind, “Merde!”

  Marinette had had a couple of run-ins with the dubbed ‘BatFam’ in her time in Gotham already. She had expected it to because of her being a well-known thief and all, of course they would try to stop her. Marinette also had a huge upper-hand against them with her powers. One minute her bright orange tail is being chased by three and the next she is standing right in front of them watching them curse, wondering where she went. Illusions were the best thing to ever have! Marinette especially liked messing with the youngest one because of how angry he would get. Once, she saw him wait until no one was there and proceed to cut a trash bin in half with his katana. When he is with the one with the red helmet the two curse like sailors. The boy who has a cowl that looks like an egg, similar to Aspik, gets frustrated when his heat sensor malfunction when he is looking right at her. When the youngest isn’t around she’ll tail the one in blue and whisper things while he is patrolling. Most of the time it’s ‘Boo!’ or ‘Rawr!’ and what she has heard the people in his ear call him before as Minou, ‘Dick’. The man screams like a little girl and gets paranoid easily. When he tries to tell his partners they brush him off!

  That wasn’t the point right now. The point was, Marinette found herself trying to steal the Batmobile. As if matters couldn’t get any worse, MultiFox turned to her left to see the youngest and Batman making their way towards her, trying to steal the Batmobile! So, MultiMinou did the only logical thing to do. As soon as the portal opened she slammed on the gas leaving the two in her dust. Darn Plagg and his chaotic-ness! Hopefully the drive would be worth the wrath of Tikki.

  It was not worth Tikki’s anger at all. Of course Marinette, Mullo, Trixx, and Kalkii threw Plagg under the bus for it but they didn’t get out of it unscathed. True to her word unlike the five, Tikki forced them to return the vehicle to Batman the next night. They also had to write a note apologizing to Batman for all the trouble they caused. MultiBug went with the four as they teleported straight into the secret Batcave and pushed the car out of the portal. Luckily no one seemed to be there and they left quickly after placing the note on the windshield.

  Red Robin was there. Red Robin blinked once. Twice. Red Robin rubbed his eyes.

The Batmobile was still there but the five identical girls were gone.

He calmly turned around back towards the computer. He must be hallucinating right? When was the last time he slept? That didn’t matter. He had to check the cameras to see if they got that and once the rest got back from patrol they could tell him if it was real. He turned back one more time towards the car and noticed the note. Better to not touch it in case it disappeared again. Coffee. He needs coffee to explain this.

  Marinette ended up passed out on the couch as soon as they got home just like Tikki predicted. Seriously, that girl should listen to her more. Miraculous’ can take a huge toll on humans. All the active Kwami were nested on top of her unconscious body when Tikki decided to ask what exactly was on the note.

“The note? Oh that note! Well…”,Plagg dragged out with a yawn.

  Dear Mr.Batman and Traffic Light boy.

We are very sorry for taking your Batmobile for the day and I swear we didn’t mean to. We thought it was an abandoned car and wanted to learn how to drive. When we got in we realized this was a mistake but you were very close to us and we didn’t want to get in trouble so we took it! Don’t worry, we didn’t do anything with it but drive. Since we are making confessions do you think we should add the rest? Might as well Kitten so she doesn’t get mad at us. No, Trix don’t write that, stop it!

-We were the ones that scared the Blue Boy.

-Tell him that ‘Dick’ isn’t a very good vigilante name.

-Traffic-Light boy we saw you cut that trash bin in half.

-Traffic-Light boy and Red Helmet need to watch their language.

-Egg head, your cowl looks like an egg.

-Those guns we stole all got destroyed, don’t worry! Have you ever melted them? It’s really cool to watch.

-We ate that granola bar that Red Helmet had in his pocket.

-It made us feel really funny.

-We caught Egg head when he passed out while grapple hooking.

-Oh, write that we are really evil. I wanna make them scared!

-We are really evil!

-Blue Boy has really good jokes that make us laugh.

  “Then it’s signed with their usual red symbol, a green cat print, mouse ears, fox tail, and a horse spur.”, Alfred concluded.

“Shiitake mushrooms! They knew my identity and didn’t even realize it.” Nightwing screeched, grabbing his hair.

“That granola bar was a ‘special’ brownie.”, Red Hood stated.

“I do NOT look like an egg! ...Ok maybe I do.”, sighed Red Robin.

“I told you I kept hearing things and I was RIGHT!”, shouted Nightwing.

“They can’t be real if they liked your jokes, Grayson.”, Robin said.

“Ouch, Traffic-Light boy! That felt like you cut me in half like that trash can.”, teased Nightwing.

 Batman took the note from Alfred and rewatched the footage from the caves cameras. They five looked younger than Robin and obviously held some type of magical abilities to create a portal. From what he could tell they weren’t actually doing bad things and when they did they felt guilty about it. He pulled up the note left at the museum that was also an apology.

  “They are just kids, Alfred.”, Batman mumbled.

Alfred hummed. “Kids who need some guidance I suppose, Master Bruce?”, he suggested.

[hisunshiine]

Money Heist | knj | Part 1

moodboard 1 | moodboard 2 | playlist | Netflix ReImagined BTS Masterlist

↳ #NetflixReImaginedBTS: Kim Namjoon x Reader starring in a bank robbery au

↳ M-18+, implied sexual content, major character deaths, bank robbery actions (violence, use of weapons, deciet)

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Money Heist Masterlist | Heathfritillary (author)

The Professor’s Rules

Rule #1 - No real names Rule #2 - No falling in love Rule #3 - Absolute trust Rule #4 - No games Rule #5 - Follow the plan, throughout Rule #6 - No taking lives, no civils Rule #7 - Low profile Rule #8 - Memorize the plan Rule #9 - Codes, escape routes Rule #10 - Blend

Prologue: Dread was not the right word to use to express how I felt. Every waking moment was an uncertainty. Every passing day I had to look over my shoulder. Senses on high alert, heart-pounding fiercer, I had to stay sharp. All I had to rely on was my intuition, rationality, the rush of adrenaline as it pumped through my veins as it guided me to safety.

There was no room for fuckups. Rules were set in place before, during, and after the heist. The Professor made sure of it.

Everything was methodically thought out. There was zero tolerance for anything that steered from what already was part of the Professor’s plan. Every detail was thoroughly calculated, gone through numerous times until perfected, and every possible scenario or turn the heist could go, the Professor had already considered it.

When I met him, I guessed him to be someone who was reserved. That initial thought, however, remained throughout the months I spent and got to know him. Regardless of my attempts to loosen him up, he grew more inward. A timid and quiet man, one I could not quite figure out despite my intuitive bullshit radar. My instincts told me otherwise. The Professor was someone I could trust. Moreover, he was someone who had my back if the going ever got tough.

Even after I had broken one of his sacred rules, he kept me around.

He stated it was solely because of my natural blend-ability. In other words, I was the type of person who could go unnoticed and get away with things. Although originally offended, one of the Daegu brothers – during our first meetings – mockingly pointed out my pretty privilege, claiming it was a universal thing to bend the rules and show favoritism to people that society deemed as attractive.

It bothered me to my core but despite it – and as the only woman on the team – I had to admit, I could complete missions and do things the others were not able to. Because of this, I was an asset regardless of how many rules I broke.

I was aware of it being careless, stupid even. It was not something that was planned, it was merely something that happened beyond my control. It occurred and I did not regret it one bit.

Love always seemed to happen at the least likely places. It was not a foreign concept to me, neither were relationships. In fact, I cherished everything about love and my language of expression was forever limitless.

When I was introduced to the other members the Professor carefully handpicked for the heist, I was taken aback by their charms and charisma.

They were handsome, all six of them; each with their own styles and skills to assist the Professor and his master plan. Some of them knew each other from rumors or past jobs and others did not.

I worked alone, always had and always would.  

The day the Professor recruited me, he had asked to meet him at Chateau de Foix, a castle in France. He had sneakily placed a note in my jacket as I was scouting a Chanel store intending to rob it days later. I was not sure what I was getting into but before even meeting him, he assured me with his note that he could make me wealthier than I could ever contemplate. So, I met him at Chateau de Foix.

I was interested. He caught my attention.

He did not disclose much until he was certain I was someone who he could trust. Honestly, I could not blame him. Partners were not my thing, especially partnering with a man. There was something about them that made my skin crawl. When it came to men and money, there was always one certain thing; they would fuck you over.

The Professor laid out pieces of his plan and as obscure and ambitious as it was, I kind of felt intrigued by his nerdy appearance, his hesitation to look me in the eye, how well-spoken he was and how greatly he sold his plan.

Again, he caught my attention.

Luckily, he had informed me where the next meeting would be and that I was the only woman on the team. He requested I thought it over and I did. I flew to South Korea. That was where the plan had to take place.

At first, I could not escape the futile catcalls or misogynistic remarks. The Professor was too much of a beta to control the dominant thieves who thought they knew better than most.

The worst one was the man with the effortless beauty and striking features. At first glance, he did not look Korean. GC as we called him, or Geochang County as the Professor had dubbed him. Younger brother to Daegu and quite frankly, a little too handsy for my liking and too excited to see a pair of tits on the team. So, I did what I had to ensure my survival and role as well as what I did not tolerate.

He did not appreciate the sass and the chokehold on his intimate part as I stood my ground.

Since then, no one had attempted to try my patience. In fact, all the teasing became just that, teasing … with zero malice or ill intentional comments. They were guys around me, sure, but they became mindful, more tolerable. Exactly how I preferred my men.

For months, I spent time with the six guys including the Professor as we prepared to rob the Bank of Korea. I got to know them individually and I had to admit they were starting to feel like family.

The Professor had set us up at Jindo, a remote island known for its parting sea during the spring season. He had rented a beach house and from there we listened as the Professor disclosed his plan, made the necessary preparations such as getting familiar with the bank, its routines, staff, and much more.

Busan, Seoul, and I would often get paired when a trip to the Bank of Korea was presented.

Busan was a mastermind in human behavior and expertly designed profiles of everyone that worked at the bank; from cleaners to CEOs. If you ever wondered or had questions about anyone going in and out of the bank, Busan was the man to call.

Despite his small size and soft features, he was a man who could not tolerate disadvantages. Knowledge was power he would often say especially during a heist and he would stride for perfection.

He was smart.

I did not think of making profiles for the law enforcement that would be called to deal with the hostage situation we would inevitably have to take to secure our survival. But Busan did. He knew exactly who the bank would call, their past, their marital status, the number of kids, he knew everything.

He was an asset.

Seoul, however, possessed something that completely went over my head. Technology. At first glance, I guessed him to be an assassin of some sort.

He was the quietest of the group and the hardest man to get close to. Despite his big eyes and tattoos, he was extremely fun to be around. Once he opened up, I realized my instincts about him were a tad off. Although a part of me questioned my abilities, I came to the realization that looks could be deceiving. Seoul was someone who did not open up as easily as the rest and had to assess his environment first.

I was much like him and because of this, he and I became the closest.

The technology was not my strongest suit but it was his. Every trip we made to the capital, he gained more knowledge about the bank and the software they used including hacking their system, so we could gain access to the security cameras.

The Professor was beside himself when he received the live footage of the bank. This meant we did not have to expose ourselves by making those trips to the capital but could spy on everyone from the comfort of our beach house.

I was relieved. Unlike Busan and Seoul, I had to be the one to risk everything and use my abilities and go inside the bank. The Professor had bought wigs and often I would rotate them with each trip but that did not stop my heart from beating faster than it ever had.

A thief afraid of getting caught, Busan would joke often in my earpiece but the Bank of Korea was something far greater than the high-end stores I used to steal from. It was a different level and the consequence of getting caught was larger than a meaningless brand shop.

Once the dust settled and we gathered some information, part two of the Professor’s plan could start. Breaking in the bank and taking hostages as leverage was the easiest part. Once inside, we had to establish some kind of order. The Professor would be on the outside helping the rest coordinate from within while being the voice of the heist.

I caught him blankly staring at the vision board he often used like a teacher standing in front of his class, deep in thought as his eyes wandered across the whiteboard, “Can I help?”

“No, I’m thinking.”

“Need help thinking?” I teasingly suggested the wine bottle I was drinking from.

“Once inside, what is your job?”

“The hostages with GC.”

“Why?”

I shrugged as I took a sip. The Professor ripped his gaze from the board and glared at me. He was not in the mood for my games. Something was bothering him. So, I sighed, “We both can handle a gun, GC isn’t afraid to use it. By having one of each gender there, the women will feel safer and the men won’t try anything.”

“And?”

“And we are the calm and order. Our job is to keep them quiet and put the fear of God in them.”

“And you?” he murmured as he placed his index finger on the bridge of his nose, keeping his glasses from falling, “I am sure there will be arguments and disagreements once you get inside. There’s no going around that fact. All of you have some kind of experience but most of you are hot-headed. Who will put the fear of God in you? As you eloquently said. Who?”

“Gwacheon is the oldest.” The Professor stood up after my answer. I watched him as he began to collect his things from the desk before he excused himself, “Where do you plan on going?” I asked as I followed him to the front door.

“I’ll be back in a couple of days.”

“You didn’t answer my question.” He reached for his jacket and told me to trust him and take a break until he returned before leaving for an unknown mission.  

A couple of days turned into a week. The Professor was gone and some of the other guys grew agitated. Some questioned him and his plan while others, including myself, did as he had asked and took a break.

Gwacheon, the oldest and the most level-headed person on the team, was lounging by the bonfire created for the dinner he was preparing. Loyal to the Professor as I was, he went ahead and took his suggestion.

Everyone was desperate for a break. It had been months of planning and thinking of every detail. A break was welcomed, needed.

Gwacheon had planned a dinner for the team and was thrilled to have some downtime. With beers in the cooler, the sun setting beyond the horizon, and a cozy fire, he began to season the beef as he hollered for me to start the music. The Professor was on my mind. So, in honor of him, I played ‘Bella Ciao’ by Manu Pilas. He was far from home as was I and although he was not around at the moment to enjoy the festivities with us, I knew he was with us in spirit.

I tapped on Gwacheon’s broad shoulder and he shot an amused smile. The Latin vibes of the upbeat song made me dance with soju in my hand. Allowing the Spanish words to energize and elevate my mood as I poorly attempted to sing along. He laughed at my dance but could not help swing his hips along to the beat.

My eyes then caught Daegu’s as he was assembling a gun. He smiled and shot me a quick nod to sit by him.

I eyed him as he began to pick the L85 apart before placing it in front of me. I raised an eyebrow at him, he chuckled while gesturing I gave it a shot. Proclaiming it was better to be prepared for a situation rather than a situation unfolding and remaining oblivious.

From the moment I met him, I knew he was the real deal, even heard rumors about the great mastermind who stole the Hope Diamond. When questioning him in my drunken state, Daegu simply flashed me a gummy smile. I was not too sure what that meant but I was certain he was someone who was legit and that I could potentially learn a lot from. I did.

Daegu was the kind of man who kept to himself, quiet and reserved like the Professor but he did not shy away from passing down his experiences and knowledge. I often caught myself wondering how polar opposite he was from his brother, GC. Daegu struck me as someone methodical with his approach while GC was spontaneous. But as the Professor ensured, GC had something most in the team did not have; quick thinking, unique perspectives, and the kind of smarts that could never be taught.

“Go ahead,” Daegu said as GC came into view with Gwangju carrying bowls of rice, kimchi, and steamed vegetables.

I grabbed the disassembled parts and attempted to assemble them to my best capabilities. Daegu grinned and GC approached the table. He waited a moment and watched as I struggled with the parts until he groaned and grabbed the gun from me.

Swiftly, he assembled the gun while casually counting in his native tongue, “Samshipil,” he announced as he slid the gun back to me, “31 seconds.”

“That’s a record,” Daegu smiled at his brother.

“I don’t know what the Professor was on but I doubt you’ll get any hostage to take you seriously if you can’t even do that.”

“Don’t listen to him. He’s a prick,” Daegu shot his brother a glare, “We have time,” he began to disassemble the gun once more, “Try again.”

I was grateful for Daegu’s patience. Although I had some knowledge of firearms, I tended not to use them during my ventures. A small pocket pistol was always in my bag and I could operate it. However, these types of guns were far from anything I had experienced, bigger too.

Luckily though, Daegu was a trained assassin and this was his specialty. He along with Gwacheon and Gwangju had pulled off heists before; together as well as separate. In other words, they were the experts on the team.

Daegu and Gwangju had a friendship like no other and had often saved each other from dire situations. They had worked multiple jobs together and relied on one another in admirable ways. For a moment, I was envious of their friendship and loyalty to each other.

Although Gwacheon had worked with them before, he often carried out small heists on his own. Much like myself, he preferred not to have a partner but made me realize that sometimes they could be useful, especially when it came to bigger jobs.

He was a lone wolf when he had to be. He told me to remember that. And I did.

I did not see the appeal. In fact, humans tend to be unreliable and oftentimes selfish. I could not trust it, anyone for that matter. It was one of the first things I learned from my father. His partner had sold him out, so he could reduce the sentence the authorities were threatening him with. Since then, I did not seek the help of others.

It was always me, myself, and I. However, the Professor managed to find a group of people whose company I actually enjoyed. Despite being thieves and some of them murderers, they were a group of men I had grown to like and trust.

Gwangju sat opposite me as I struggled with the L85. He clinked his soju bottle with mine and I grinned before giving up, “Look me in the eye as you take the first sip,” I ordered.

“Cheers,” he said and grinned, “Does that mean something where you’re from?”

“Means you’ll have bad sex if you don’t.”

“Well in that case,” he clinked his bottle with mine once more, “We don’t want that.”

He shot me a big and pearly smile before he began to assemble the gun. I studied his prominent features for a moment, admiring his natural beauty and olive skin before directing my gaze down at the heavy firearm as he explained which parts went where.

Fully focused on his words and his handle of the gun, I felt Busan’s presence behind me. He climbed between Daegu and me, “What’s up?” I asked when I caught his eyes.

“After dinner, we should get lit and go to the festival,” his suggestive demeanor forced a smile from me. Out of the six men, he was the one who actively sought my attention, persistent fucker.

He was interested in me, I could sense it. And although it would have been easy to spread my legs for him or any of the others, I was only interested in collecting my end of the robbery. Completing the heist unscathed was my sole concern and these little horny thieves were not going to stray me from my goal.

“Low profile,” Gwangju spat as my eyes were on Busan’s, “We can’t be seen together. Rule number seven.”

“Screw the Professor and his rules,” he responded without taking his eyes off mine. Busan studied my features as my gaze shifted from his plump lips to his dark eyes, “Besides, we deserve a little fun,” he directed his attention to Gwangju, “What the Professor doesn’t know won’t kill him.”

“He did say we were on a break until he got back.”

“Do not encourage him, London,” Gwangju warned after finishing the assembly of the gun.

“A little fun didn’t hurt anyone,” Busan voiced as his fingertips caressed my bare shoulder.

“Careful there, brother,” GC sat beside Gwangju with soju in hand, “You do not want her claws piercing your ballsack.”

“London wouldn’t be that mean to me,” Busan’s eyes wandered between mine and then my lips as he leaned closer, “Would you?”

I felt the hot air from his parted lip brush against mine and I could not help but meet him halfway. With a cocky smirk, I reached down for his clothed manhood, digging my sharp nails in the jean fabric he wore as a sudden groan escaped him, “Don’t get too comfortable, kiddo,” I whispered against his mouth as he hissed and cursed under his breath.

“Told you,” GC grinned, and soon after the rest began to laugh at Busan’s failed attempt.

➰

Busan convinced GC and Seoul to join him at the spring festival. Every year on the day of the parting sea, locals would celebrate the event by throwing a massive street party. The island was known for its festivities and attracted a lot of tourists. I could not visit South Korea and not experience what Jindo had to offer. So, I went, and as reluctant as Gwangju was, he joined us as well until Gwacheon decided to make it a family affair and convinced Daegu to join the outing too.

South Korea had always been a country I wanted to visit. It was known for its rich culture, delicious food, and its kind people. So far, I enjoyed everything I had experienced.

Despite the intention of the visit, I was grateful to be here and be amongst native men who could guide me and translate if needed. Sadly, one of the Professor’s rules was to blend as much as we could and not draw any attention to ourselves. Knowing him and the stick up his butt, he would not have been too pleased to know that we were lounging with the locals, getting drunk until late, and essentially making a mockery of his rule system.

Close to midnight, Daegu wanted to head back to the beach house and he did along with me and Seoul who had to prepare to monitor the bank in the morning. He was close to hacking into the internal security system, the one that allowed us to view everything on the inside.

Freshly out of the shower, the house was painfully quiet with most of the others still enjoying the festivities. I danced around with a pair of headsets blasting music in my ears, enjoying the alcohol that roamed in my system as I shimmied into my undergarments. ‘All That’ by Emotional Oranges came on and I sang along as I smeared lotion on my body. Soon the music captivated every inch of my body and I began to dance when suddenly I caught a glimpse of a man watching me by the door.

A loud gasp came out of me, but as startled as I was, my body knowingly eased, assessing the situation as I stared down the stranger without showcasing any fear. I had not seen him before and I wondered how he had gotten inside of the beach house.

Seoul had explicitly explained that the place was safely secured.

The man leaned against the doorframe as a small sigh evaded his plump lips while he unapologetically allowed his gaze to travel down my body, “The Professor didn’t say anything about a woman being on the team.”

“The Professor?”

He eyed me momentarily, “I didn’t mean to interrupt. I’m Ilsan. What’s your assigned city?”

“London.” I nodded as the realization came over me. He was what the Professor was searching for. He was the mission he had mentioned; the team’s leader and the one to instill the fear of God in us.

Just then did it occur to me that Ilsan had to be someone the Professor trusted completely. He was almost obsessively calculated with everything about the heist. For our safety and his own. Everything had to be planned. And he was right. We were hot-headed, argued, and disagreed many times. Everyone had their own styles but for the heist to be successful, it required that we all moved as a team. The Professor knew this, knew once we were inside, he was limited in terms of guidance. Although communication would be out of the question, he needed someone on the inside that would make sure the proper steps would be taken.

I eyed Ilsan and sensed why the Professor had chosen him. He had an authoritative aura. I was sure he was the kind of man who inserted his dominance well. The Professor was a beta but based on first impressions, Ilsan struck me as someone who did not mind and preferred - despite the pressure and responsibility - to be the top alpha of the team.

“London,” he sang, “That's a pretty name. I have been there. Wet country.” I attempted to hold back the appearing smile that the comment accurately described about my home city, “Did you choose it or did the Profess--”

“You got your sneak peek,” I hastily voiced, not interested in his small talk and especially with lack of clothes on, “Fuck off. I’m getting ready for bed.”

He chuckled into a low hum as he crossed his arms, resting his head against the doorframe, “You usually have a party before bed?” I caught a glance of his smirk and the dimples that came along with it. He was a flirt, much like Busan, and I was not having it. Ilsan did not know that I was someone not to be messed with. But he would soon. I walked over to the door and shoved him backward by his chest before slamming the door in his face.

↣ all rights reserved © heathfritillary 2021. please do not repost. translations & modifications are not allowed. 

[aplusblogging]

An Analysis on the History of Gender in the Horror Genre

This is one of my classmates’ final projects for Sociology. I loved it so much I asked for her permission to share it here. Hope you enjoy it too!

Transcript under the cut, since the auto-generated captions are mostly accurate but punctuation is good for comprehension.

TRANSCRIPT:

“My name is Davis Barelli, and in this video essay I'm going to look at the portrayal of gender through the lens of the horror genre.

Women in particular may have a reason to keep coming back to the genre, outside of a cheap thrill. In a study done by the Geena Davis Institute on Gender in Media, and Google, using the Geena Davis Inclusion Quotient—or the GDIQ—it was determined that women are featured on screen and in speaking roles more than men only in the horror genre. With the advent of the MPAA rating system in the '30s, the kind of horror we know today didn't re-emerge until the '60s.

Making female characters who would later become known as "Final Girls" the vessel for traumatic experiences allowed viewers—especially men and boys coming home from war—to see someone reacting to trauma in the way that they wanted to, but wasn't socially acceptable. Instead, the model for men to see themselves in was the macho, womanizing jock who goes outside to find the big bad, typically resulting in him being the first to die. While there was a lot of good in the survivors of these horror movies very commonly being female, a specific archetype of the female survivor made it clear what kind of girl it took to be the hero.

The Final Girl being portrayed in '60s, '70s, and '80s slasher horror as an innocent virgin stereotype was no accident, what with America experiencing the breakdown of the nuclear family and Christian morals thanks to the free-love movement of the '60s. This led to frequent themes of occultism, homosexuality, and hypersexuality in horror at the time. Characters who gave in to these evils were given a death sentence, as opposed to the Final Girls, who were rewarded for their abstinence with survival.

When films did stray from the norm by casting male leads in sequels in place of the Final Girl, a double standard emerged. Male protagonists were branded as "homosexual" for acting like the Final Girls before them, and the actors who portrayed them had their careers effectively ruined. Where the '70s gave rise to exploitation horror centered on violence against women, '80s niche horror had different scapegoats.

Cannibal Holocaust, released at the beginning of the decade and directed by Ruggero Deodato, tells the story of a group going to the Amazon in search of a missing film crew. They discover footage detailing the gruesome things the crew did to the tribe they encountered before they were killed. Not only is the portrayal of hostile tribes in the Amazon harmful to the actual tribes in the Amazon, but framing the main character of the film as a kind of white savior for not wanting the footage of the tribe distributed is basically rewarding him for the absolute bare minimum.

The other standout film of the '80s notorious for its subject matter is that of Sleepaway Camp. Sleepaway Camp tells the story of a young girl who experiences the death of her family during a boating accident and is sent to live with her aunt and cousin. She and her cousin go to the summer camp and it quickly becomes a bloodbath. The reveal at the end is that the young girl was the culprit, because she wasn't a girl at all, but her twin brother who was forced by the aunt to live as a girl. The narrative of trans people as dangerous, deranged villains pretending to be a different gender due to mental illness or against their will is deeply harmful to the LGBTQ people who were battling misconceptions at the time similar to this, and still are.

This energy evolved with the '90s, which shifted its focus to supernatural teenage hormones, with the likes of The Craft and many others. Looking at the villains of these movies, though, is a clear pointer to the ostracization of the "weird kid" in the '90s. This is most prominently seen in The Craft, where a girl with supernatural powers befriends a group of girls pretending to be witches. She bestows them with real powers and hijinks ensue. The film culminates in the ringleader—who, out of the group, is the least conventionally attractive—being put in an insane asylum for her misdeeds, while the rest of the group gets off relatively scot-free. This served as an unfortunate continuation of the narrative that girls who were weird were to be punished, but if you were pretty, you could get away with it.

With the 2000s filled with American-made J-horror and classic horror remakes, I'd like to skip forward, save for one movie.

In the 2000s a movie came out that caused a huge ruckus over how bad it was, but I think deserves a spot here for its portrayal of teenage girls in horror. Jennifer's Body, directed by* Diablo Cody, starring Megan Fox and Amanda Seyfried, tells the story of Jennifer getting possessed after a botched human sacrifice because she lies about being a virgin. It was almost universally panned by critics, who called it a "sexploitation film lacking the all-important ballast of sincerity." Both Cody and Fox—who were gaining fame for Juno and the Transformers franchise, respectively—were already written off by critics, most of whom were men, before the movie had even been released. In reality, Jennifer's character was unique for being the mean girl who gets killed off, the big bad, and a revenge film-esque survivor, all in one. And her best friend, "Needy," was the sarcastic, dorky, sexually active Final Girl we never would have seen in classic horror.

The last decade has given rise to a genre dubbed "intelligent horror," ushering in an age with less mindless bloodlust and more nuanced characters and themes. Directors Jordan Peele and Ari Aster are arguably at the forefront of the intelligent horror genre; Peele's Get Out and Us giving people of color representation in a severely whitewashed genre. Get Out, especially, has received praise not just for the representation of people of color, but the very real, very prevalent issues of race and police brutality. One of the most important aspects is the depiction of the white savior character in the form of the protagonist's girlfriend, who is revealed to actually be a villain, showcasing the dramatization of the danger of performative activism and how that affects people of color.

Ari Aster, on the other hand, deals with themes of mental illness and family trauma, something unfortunately somewhat universal. While mommy issues and cults are nothing new in horror, Ari Aster's work frames both subjects very differently, especially in regards to the women in his films. Midsommar heavily focuses on Dani, the protagonist's, mental health and manipulation by others throughout the film, as she navigates grief unapologetically and realistically. This portrayal of grief in Midsommar from a woman's point of view is so important, because Dani is clingy, she's anxious, she's emotional, and she's human. As opposed to the polished, over-dramatic depiction of women and their emotions that are so commonly seen in horror.

Over the decades, horror and its portrayals of the human experience have shifted to continue being a compelling mirror for the issues of the time. But something that will always be current is that we can be scared.”

End of transcript.

*Jennifer’s Body was written by Diablo Cody and directed by Karyn Kusama

[r6shippingdelivery]

Outsider pov of a cashier at a shoo near the base has a crush on kapkan or glaz/chanka and slowly over time realized they are together, either by learning russian, seeing them be cutesy or smthn idk

I was about to go for the easy option, but then Tachanka's rework and elite came out, and with so many people thisting openly after him, I took this route instead, because Tachanka deserves at least one (1) lovestruck cashier fangirling over him :D 

And as always, you can read this on AO3 too, second chapter of the Tachanka/Kapkan ficlet colletion, woo!

Being a shopkeeper was terribly dull work, especially in a small town like Hereford. Same faces day in day out, same old stories. It was all so repetitive, she could have gone through it with her eyes closed. The most exciting thing she remembered was when old Daniels’ goose escaped from its pen and got inside Harriet’s pub. That was six months ago, and people still talked about it like it happened yesterday.

Then one day more people started appearing around. More often than not, foreigners. Everyone whispered about the nearby military base, looking at the newcomers with distrust, but she was over the moon. New and interesting people, that was exactly what the town needed. Who cared if they were military, they bought stuff like everyone else, right? And since her little shop was at the edge of town, it was often a place these people visited. That and the pub.

She liked to observe them and make stories about who they could be. For example, the young one with the Yorkshire accent, she could see him being the son of a general, and was following in his father’s footsteps. Of course, she knew the likelihood of getting any single detail right was minimal, but it was a fun way to pass the time.

_ _ _

It had been a boring day, and she was on her phone, browsing Instagram, when someone dropped a few items by the register. Anyone would admit the guy cut an imposing figure, being so tall and wide. And while most people would eye him warily, both suspicious and afraid, her mind had turned to mush in an instant.

Those arms looked like they’d make the sleeves rip if he flexed, and the hint of tattoos she glimpsed from his open shirt, oh goodness! Who cared he was a bit too old for her, looking was free and it hurt no one. Because yes, she was aware she was drooling over a stranger, but as long as every saucy thought remained in her head, there was no harm and she wouldn’t come off as a sexualizing creep. She barely paid attention to the items she rang, mostly beer and pickles, too busy stealing glances at this adonis in front of her.

“How much is this?” The man asked.

The first thing she noticed was the deliciously deep voice and the heavy Russian accent. Second, he was pointing at a cheap kid princess set, with a plastic tiara and wand. So not only was he sinfully attractive, he was a dad who thought of his girl too. She almost wanted to pinch herself to make sure she wasn’t dreaming.

Luckily, she didn’t stammer when talking, but after that everything was kind of a blur. He left, and she kept a dopey smile on her face for the rest of her shift. Holy shit, you didn’t see men like that around this little town! _ _ _

Next time the big guy came to the shop, another dude accompanied him. One who had really nice eyes but looked like he was sulking or trying to hide from everyone. Mr. Grumpy, as she dubbed him, was quite handsome too, but not as much as his companion.

They wandered around the shop, talking in Russian and loading their basket. Despite not understanding a thing, she strained to hear what they were saying. She felt like a gossipy old woman, but at least she was able to catch their names: Sasha and Maxim. Pretty sure the absolute hunk was Sasha, and Mr. Grumpy Maxim, but she couldn’t be certain. Sasha didn’t sound very fitting for him, though.

This time she paid attention to the purchase, a ton of booze, and couldn’t help herself from asking, “Did you little princess like the toys?”

He laughed, which made Mr. Grumpy scowl, and answered, “It was perfect.”

_ _ _

A quick research showed her that Sasha was actually a nickname for Alexander, and that was a much more regal name, befitting of him. For some reason she had thought Sasha to be a feminine name, although it possibly was a nickname for Alexandra too. Armed with that knowledge, she was now totally confident in dropping her made up nicknames and using Sasha and Maxim instead.

However, neither of them showed up at the store for two long weeks. When she finally saw them again, they both looked dead tired. Maxim stayed by the door, looking grumpier than ever, while Alexander went to buy some cigarettes and assorted snacks. She gathered the courage to say “Welcome back” to him, in what she considered a subtle attempt at letting him know she noticed his absence. Alexander just nodded, but she liked to think his eyes brightened up a little.

On the way out, he handed a candy bar to Maxim, who looked surprised and hesitant to grab it. Alexander wouldn’t take a no for an answer though, and Mr. Grumpy smiled at him while unwrapping the chocolate. How sweet, Alexander was such a considerate friend.

_ _ _

After that she saw them much often around, much to her delight. Sometimes it was just Alexander, others he came with some other Russian guys, but most often he was with Maxim. These two seemed almost inseparable.

The purchases were mundane yet never the same, which sparked her interest. Most people had stuff they bought often, what she called “the usual” of each customer. But not them. It was like they wanted to try everything or get a sample of all the items available, one by one. Although watching them interact was far more entertaining than what they bought.

These two bickered constantly, like an old married couple, and she was dying of curiosity to know what they talked about. However, short of learning Russian, she would have to live with that mystery. Observing their body language sometimes offered a little insight, but not much. She noticed they were quite touchy, more than the average guy friends around here, but it was probably a cultural thing. There was also the time she could have sworn they kissed.

It was just a peck on the lips, so fast that she even doubted what she’d seen. But then Maxim scoffed and half-heartedly punched Alexander, shoving him away. Alexander didn’t take it badly. In fact, he was laughing, which only added to her confusion.

She even watched the security footage to make sure she didn’t just imagine that. And there it was, a fleeting contact that lasted a few seconds. Friendly mouth kisses were a thing in the ex-soviet countries, right? At least that was what she heard...

_ _ _

For the next few weeks, every time she saw them, she kept thinking about what their relationship was exactly. And they came to the shop pretty often.

All their interactions showed a certain closeness between them, yet a friendship could easily explain it. Aside from that one time, she never saw them kiss again, but she kept wondering. At first she assumed he was married and with a kid at least, a little girl. But maybe he was divorced. He could be unfaithful, but she didn’t like to think about that possibility. Perhaps he was with his grumpy partner and… they adopted? No, this was far fetched, she felt. They were Russian and military, no way.

The confirmation that these two were together came in two parts. First was the time Alexander bought condoms. She couldn’t help noticing it was the XL kind, and wow, whoever was the lucky one, she low-key envied them. The most revealing thing that day was the smirk Alexander gave to Maxim, whom for once didn’t look grumpy, but flustered.

The second and final confirmation was only scant days later, when Maxim got a phone call while they were shopping. The conversation was in English, and at one point he asked for Alexander’s opinion on what option he preferred, to which he asked “Whatever you like best, princess.“

In that moment, everything clicked into place. She had always known she had no chance with him, mainly because she thought he was married and she was no home-wrecker. And yes, he was taken, but not in the way she imagined at first. That was fine; looking was free and she was always discreet in her ogling. Besides, while imagining Mr. Grumpy being gifted a cheap princess crown was hilarious, it was also cute in a certain way.

“You better treat this man like a king,” She mentally addressed Maxim. Because from what she had seen, Alexander definitely seemed the type to treat his partner like royalty.

They looked happy together, though, and that was always nice. Good relationships were hard to find, and she wished them the best.  But it would also be great if she had the chance to see Alexander shirtless, at least once. A gal could feast her eyes and daydream, right?

[iggy-of-fans]

Of Being a Ladybug 1.5

Happy Holiday’s! Here is my gift to you!

Previous  Masterlist 

The class, Then 

Monday of the attack

Adrien smiled, satisfied that Marinette hadn’t done anything. He shook his head, ‘really, what could she have done?’ he asked himself. Marinette was a great girl and had designed for or worked with a few famous people, but he doubted that they even remembered a lowly baker’s daughter. He sure didn’t remember most of his fans. He shrugged. Alya really should have just fact checked. Probably an over-zealous fan that sent it to one of the actors mentioned. Marinette also wouldn’t do anything that could hurt Alya. He got to the class and stopped short at the door. There were a lot of long faces in there.

Alya was sobbing into Nino’s shoulder.

Rose was quietly heaving into Juleka’s shoulder as well. Not so much sobbing, but still very upset.

Max sat tense, glaring at his phone, looking like he might set it on fire.

Kim glared ahead at the bored.

Mylene, for once, looked stronger than all the class and like she might punch somebody.

Adrien was confused. As far as he knew or remembered, only Alya had a real reason to be this upset. He frowned.

“Nino? What’s going on? Why is everyone so upset?” Adrien asked, completely lacking the social understanding to perhaps ask someone else. Who wasn’t holding their+

3 crying girlfriend. Nino just glared at him.

It was Alix who answered, “Seriously Adrien? Read the fucking mood. And to answer your question, Lila Fucking Rossi.”

“I don’t understand. What did Lila do?” Adrien asked, passing over the first comment. He just wanted answers.

“Marinette was right. Like always, she was right. Lila is a liar, and a bad liar at that. We were idiots and all fell for it. Rose lost her friendship with Prince Ali because she bought Lila’s tales. Alya is being sued for slander. Mylene and Ivan contributed to her “go green” projects, only for none of them to be legit. Max is being investigated by the school for letting Kim cheat off him and Kim got kicked off the team for it. Then the school NERD club got wind of the napkin incident and apparently even Superman and Wonder Woman can’t throw a napkin hard enough to take out somebody’s eye. And me? I was told I would be meeting pro skater Esmee Visser. We should have listened to Marinette” Alix shook her head. Mari had warned them. Warned them not to cheat, not to listen to Lila, to work their own way up. Marinette always worked so hard but made it all look so easy.

The whole class bowed their heads. Mylene had ended her friendship with Marinette on Tuesday the week before, because Marinette had suggested that she and Ivan not give their combined 400 Euros to Lila’s charity. This morning, Mylene had seen the news coverage of over fifteen people suing Lila Rossi and by extension, Alya Cesaire, for slander, defamation and theft. Lila had been going around getting things put onto tabs for famous people to pay off, claiming she was a niece, goddaughter or assistant.

They waited for Marinette or Lila to come into the class. Marinette so they could apologize. Lila so they could beat her up. When the warning bell rang, and Ms. Bustier entered the room, nobody even batted an eye. When the last bell rang, and Marinette still wasn’t there, they worried. When the sound of a car being tossed through a building reached their ears, the students evacuated.

Alya rushed to the scene. The Ladyblog may be shut down, but she could start fresh. Maybe Ladybug would even call on Rena Rouge! When she got to the scene, Vipereon was hidden on a building with… was that… a new fox? Alya almost started crying again. Another hero made her way there. A new bee, it looked like. And another, a new turtle too. When Ladybug arrived with the dragon, the team huddled for a minute before breaking apart to fight. Alya snuck closer as she watched Guilty Conscience coming at the heroes.

“I never wanted to be a hero. I feel horrible when I have to lie to protect my identity because I hate liars. I wish I had never met the Master or been picked to be Ladybug or had managed to give the Miraculous away before I got too serious. I hate what this has turned me into, I wish I could go back to just being Marinette…”

Alya gasped. Oh! OH! She shut off her video and turned. She’d wanted to earn back her title as a journalist. But not like this. She ran back to her apartment. Not like this.

As Tuesday morning dawned, the class was sitting together again. Adrien kept looking at the door expectantly. If Chat Noir payed a visit to the bakery last night, no body would know. Namely because nobody was there. Adrien’s foot bounced. The minute she walked through the door; he would confess to her.

Nino looked sideways at Adrien. He knew his boy was a bit starstruck with Ladybug. Did he really expect her to come to school, though? Nobody seemed to notice that Juleka was also missing.

Class started, only to be interrupted again when the principle announced all classes should turn on their TVs to the news.

“Good Morning Paris. We interrupt your scheduled programming to bring you breaking news,” on the screen was Lois Lane, world renowned reporter. “This morning, the Mayor of Paris was able to welcome for the first time, Justice League Members Batman and Wonder Woman, to Paris. Already, the world’s greatest detective is solving the matter of ‘who is Hawkmoth?’ and ‘where is he hiding?’. The investigation was started early this morning and is still ongoing now, however, the heroes are confident the matter will be resolved by end of day today. League intervention is also being given to the local Parisian heroes, who are being folded into the League system. The now dubbed Miracle Team will be receiving regular training and adult supervision from the American Heroes. On other news… One moment please. We are now going live to the traffic copter, which has caught sight of Wonder Woman storming a mansion in the heart of Paris. Jean, what can you tell us about the current situation?”

“Thank you, Lois! I am here, on scene as Wonder Woman storms the Agreste Mansion. Parisian’s will remember that Monsier Agreste was Akumatized as the Collector a few months ago. He certainly isn’t putting up any fight, it looks like. And there is Nathalie Sancour. Both are coming out with their hands up. It looks like Monsiour Agreste is doing all the talking. Ms. Sancour is going down in what appears to be a coughing fit! Police is also arriving on the scene. An arrest has been made. I repeat. An arrest has been made! A police car is pulling off, and looks to be heading to Francois-Dupont, commonly dubbed the Akuma school. If I am not mistaken, it is the same school that Gabriel Agreste’s only son, Adrien Agreste attends! AH, one moment. It looks like Wonder Woman is going into the mansion. Paramedics are also pulling up on scene. Ms. Sancour is being taken into an ambulance, but the other set of paramedics is running into the mansion as well. Is that?! It is! Lois, and watchers, for those of you who do not know, this is Emilie Agreste, the wife of Gabriel and mother of Adrien. She went missing and was declared dead three years ago. Paramedics are now rushing her prone body to the ambulance…”

The news continued, but the class was distracted by the door being thrust open. Officer Raincomprix and his partner entered.

“Adrien Agreste, you are under arrest for suspicion on working with Hawkmoth. You have the right to remain silent. Everything you say can and will be used against you” the officer stated, placing the cuffs on a stunned Adrien Agreste. His mouth hung open. What…? And then he heard the whispers.

“He was supposed to start school the day of the first Akuma…”

“Always defending the bully…”

“Never there during attacks…”

He shook his head mutely. NO! He was a hero!

The class watched mutely. Two in two days.

*!!*

Because he was a minor and could prove, behind closed doors, that he was in fact Chat Noir, Adrien was acquitted and sent to live with his Aunt Amilie and Cousin Felix Graham de Vanily. He took off the Miraculous ring. Plagg had told him Ladybug would need her cat. So, he put the ring in the mail to be sent off to Wilhelm with a letter explaining everything. He heard through the news that the Dupain-Cheng family had left Paris in a rush. Nobody was quite sure where they went, though most guessed to China. When he landed in London, Adrien had no idea what to expect. He hadn’t seen Felix since his mother’s funeral. He had also heard that Felix’s father had died not long ago. Felix and Amilie greeted him at the airport with smiles. He smiled and dared to hope.

*!!*

Alya watched the footage of Marinette revealing herself again. She sighed. Adrien Agreste was publicly deemed innocent and sent away. Lila Rossi, while facing several lawsuits, was only being sent to a remedial school at the outskirts of Paris. Lila’s mother, who had been akumatized as Guilty Conscience, almost lost her job. As it was now, diplomatic immunity was the only thing keeping her from being investigated further for child neglect. Alya was still facing the law herself, but being a minor, she was only facing some fines and heavy warnings, but otherwise she was also grounded until she was eighteen. Her parents were disappointed, her sisters avoided her most of the time. School had become her only escape. But even there was no escape from everything that had happened. Marinette was no longer there, and Ms. Bustier was under investigation for the amount of Akumatizations in her class. Mr. Damoclese was as well, for mismanaged funding to the school. Turns out his Owl suit and “weapons” were being funded from donations to the school. The class was split up into different classes too. Divide and conquer. Alya sighed. They weren’t really allowed to interact with each other, for fear of it causing more trouble. But most of the other students didn’t want to interact with them either. Alya had never noticed it, but their class was isolated by the rest of the school.

*!!*

Luka sighed as he watched Marinette walk into the Zeta Tube, her head bowed. Paris had ruined Marinette. He brushed his hair back and looked at Juleka. The news had confirmed that Gabriel Agreste was Hawkmoth, but he had given his Miraculous to Nathalie to get rid of. They were pawned off to another party, but Gabriel had no idea who, and Nathalie went under and into a coma like Mrs. Agreste.

The League told them that they would be receiving training and supervision, as there were Miraculous everywhere now. They would be needed to step in. Luka being the oldest was made the leader, despite not having the ladybug miraculous. He sighed. What a shit show.

< ( ^ ^ ) >

Bruce closed the journal and replaced it in the secret compartment in the desk. He turned to the bed behind him, where his newest ward was fast asleep, tear tracks staining her young face. He wanted to rage at Diana and Clark. He’d petitioned to have Marinette live with him from the beginning, but had been denied because Diana’s mother had been a Ladybug. Reading about what Diana had done to the poor girl, all with good intentions but completely misguided, Bruce was ready to wage war. Marinette had been through emotional hell. He would make sure to do better by her. He swore then that he would give her a family.

[apolloaiden]

Guardians name: 2

Age: 4 years post rez

Race: Exo

Call signs/alias: The Guardian, The Second Young Wolf, The Hero

Pronouns: She/Her

Class: Warlock

Preferred subclass(es): Void and Stasis

Ghost's name: Ghost (yes, very original)

Their Vanguard: She tolerates all "Vanguard" personnel.

Fireteam teammates: Miriam-46 and Leo (friends ocs)

Favorite legendary weapon: Deafening Whisper

Favorite exotic weapon: Ace of Spades

Favorite exotic armor: Transversive Steps

Favorite ornament armor set: Steeplechase set

Favorite weapon ornament: On Ashen Wings

What stats do they focus on: Discipline and Strength.

Are they offense, defence, or support: Offensive and supportive.

Do they prefer being close, mid, or long range: Close to mid range.

Do they lean more "Element of Surprise" or "Upfront and Aggressive": She has more of an element of surprise, but can be aggressive.

Strikes, Gambit, or Crucible: Mainly Crucible, she doesn't like strikes and kinda forgets about Gambit.

Who was their mentor(if they had one. If it is a character you created, tell us about them!): Ikora is a mentor to her for Warlock things, Cayde was a mentor to her for Exo things.

Who are they mentoring(if they are. If it is a character you created, tell us about them!): She is now the mentor and figurative mother to Crow. She loves him with all her heart.

What ship do they have: She mainly uses the unsecured/OUTCRY ship with a Precursor Vex Chrome shader.

What is their Sparrow: She uses the Calypso.

Favorite Ghost shell: She's tied between the Rimed Shell and the Phalanx Shell.

Favorite shader: None, there's too many to decide!

Favorite color: Blue and red.

Favorite food: Pastries

Favorite piece of Pre-Collapse tech(if they've seen any): She's really interested in the Exominds, partly by being one and wanting to know how she works.

Favorite Pre-Collapse music(if they've heard any): She likes metal and lo-fi.

Favorite place in The Last City(if it's a place you created, give a little description!): The gardens in the Last City, she likes to walk around them with Ghost. She also likes to be directly beneath the Traveler.

Favorite NPC(s): Crow, Ikora, Elsie, and Osiris.

Favorite patrol location: She loves Europa and Nessus, they're both so pretty.

5 things your Guardian likes(can be anything): Her Ghost, her friends, baking, fighting, and the feeling of both the Light and Darkness.

Least favorite food: Anything too salty.

Least favorite shader: Anything green, she has too many green shaders.

Least favorite patrol location: She doesn't hate them, but the Tangled Shore and Dreaming City make her uneasy.

Least favorite Pre-Collapse tech(if they've seen any): Old electrical devices, they emit a loud ringing sound to her and it gives her a horrible headache.

Least favorite NPC(s): The Spider, Lord Saladin

Least favorite weapon ornament: Feeling Lucky

Least favorite ornament armor set: The Legatus set... e w..

Least favorite legendary weapon: Most Pulse Rifles.

Least favorite exotic weapon: Tractor Cannon

Least favorite exotic armor: Promethiumn Spurs. They're ugly and the perk isn't even that good.

5 things your Guardian dislikes(this can be anything): She dislikes Saladins beliefs (she kills because she has to, not to just kill), Guardians that get corrupted by the Darkness, the fact that you can only have one exotic at a time, keeping secrets, and Clovis Bray.

Your Guardian has to rest. What is their living space like: Her dorm is pretty clean, but she doesn't make a lot of messes either way. She has lots of little artifacts and trinkets.

Does your Guardian have any casual wear?(Y'all remember Polyvore? The website URSTYLE works very similar if that helps!): She likes flowy robes, skirts, and turtle necks.

What hobbies and/or skills does your Guardian have: She loves to cook, and loves cooking for others.

What would your Guardian's lore book be called: Probably something like "The Guardian with no Name".

Where was your Guardian reborn?(If you created the location, give us a little description!): She was rezzed in the Cosmodrome (I like to stay pretty lore based), and was there for a couple months before fixing up a ship.

What were they wearing when they were reborn: She was wearing almost threadbare clothes, just a sweater, pants, and shoes. Ghost helped her find better Warlock armor.

What was their reaction to being reborn: She was surprisingly calm, despite not being able to remember anything, like her name.

What was their reaction to their first rez: She didn't like the feeling. It made her feel cold, but the feeling eventually subsided more as she died again and again.

After being reborn, did they meet friendlies first or hostiles: Hostiles, lots of Eliksni where she was rezzed.

Who was the first other Guardian they met?(Same thing! If you made them, give a little description!): The first Guardians she really met met was Sloane and Zavala on Titan, during the Red War.

Did your Guardian get reborn with, or find, any indication of their past life? If so what do they have/found: 2 was rezzed with no memories, which was unheard of for an Exo. She only knew her reboot number, 2, by two lines carved into her collar bone. She then found evidence on Europa of her memory bank being deleted by Clovis Bray for witnessing an inhumane experiment.

How did your Guardian get their name(if they didn't rez with past life momentos): She took on her reboot number when her Ghost found it, he said it fit her. "The Second Young Wolf" was given to her by the Young Wolf themself. They had lost their Ghost and were bleeding out in the Last City during the Red War. Upon seeing 2 come to their aid, they said they had a vision of her, and dubbed her the second. Ghost used footage of this to tell the Vanguard after the Red War.

Going back to your Guardian's lore book, what would be some some quotes or passages from their book: "This Guardian thought she was cursed. Everywhere she went, something bad happened. Arrived at the Last City, Cabal attacked. Went to the Prison of Elders, Cayde was killed. Went to the Dreaming City, a curse consumed it."

Does your Guardian have a significant other: It may sound weird, but she and her Ghost are together! She sees herself more as a machine than a human mind now, like Ghosts do. While she's still a "human" in an Exo body, she's never known anything else in her life.

Did your Guardian go explore first before going to The Last City? If so, where to: She and her Ghost were stranded in the Cosmodrome for about 2 months before they found enough parts to fix a ship. They explored the ruins, and kept to themselves.

What was their reaction to first seeing The Last City: She was devastated at seeing the Cabal overtake this place she had heard was beautiful. She just saw fire and large Cabal ships.

Is your Guardian a part of a clan: Not really, no. She likes to join others in fireteams but never stays long. However she usually runs with Miriam and Leo.

If your Guardian would have a quote as a flavor text for a weapon and/or piece of armor, what would they be: "The Darkness, combined with the Light, is a force to be reckoned with." -2, Exo Warlock.

If your Guardian has had any interactions with any civilians (The Last City/The Farm), Eliksni, Cabal, Vex, Hive, Taken, Scorn, Rouge Lightbearers, or Iron Lords/War Lords(if your Guardian is an Old Light) tell us about it!: She likes to show the children in the city tricks with her Light, and teaches them new dances.

Does your Guardian have any unconventional allies or connections(By Vanguard standards): She's pretty close to Drifter, and even pledged her allegiance to him instead of the Vanguard. He's a useful ally. She also knows some Eliksni thanks to Miriam-46 and her work with The Spider.

How does your Guardian feel about themselves or others using Stasis: She feels like it's right, that it's ok to use if you dont abuse it. The fact that she wields both the Dark and the Light, sometimes at the same time, shows that it can happen and that others can do it.

Is your Guardian from D1? How did they react to seeing Taniks alive once again: She is not.

Where did they go and what did they do during The Red War: She tried to find the Vanguard, and tried to help as many people as she could after she got her Light back from the Shard.

Here are some characters that are either polarizing or have created a strong enough mass emotion within the community. What opinion does your Guardian hold on each of them(These are only a handful of characters!)>>>

Osiris, First Warlock Vanguard, originally exiled: Gay Grandpa. She respects him quite a lot, and talks to him about anything when she goes to see him, especially after Sagira sacrificed herself.

Eris Morn, Bane of the Swarm: She holds high respect for her. She feels horrible about what happened to her, but she's glad Eris has been able to talk to others. If anything, she fears her a little too.

Cayde-6, Sixth Hunter Vanguard: One of her only Exo friends who knew a little bit about the exo's past. She used to tell him everything, her patrols, her stories, Ghost would even show him recordings of them. She misses him.

Ikora Rey, Second Warlock Vanguard: 2 calls her the "Collective Mother", because she's always been open to New Lights. 2 turns to her for anything, and she knows Ikora has her back through anything. At least, she hopes she does.

Commander Zavala, Second Titan Vanguard: She held high respect for him during the Red War. When Cayde died, she lost that respect for him when he disapproved on her acts. That trust and respect has slowly been building again since.

Saint-14, legendary Titan, First Titan Vanguard: Again, Gay Grandpa. She loves to just be around Saint, and feed the birds with him. They don't talk too much, just appreciating the hangar.

Lord Saladin, Iron Banner handler, One of the last remaining Iron Lords: She's never really liked him, even if he's the reason behind her namesake. He's been too bloody for her, and she doesn't like Iron Banner.

Lord Shaxx, Crucible handler, Hero of Twilight Gap, living megaphone: Whenever she needs a pick me up, she goes to Shaxx. She loves his personality and loves the Crucible.

The Crow, New Light, Ex-Enforcer to The Spider: After what happened with Uldren, 2's been living in guilt. She feels like the Traveler gave both her and Uldren/Crow another chance, so she's doing everything in her power to better Crow and herself. She kinda took on a maternal role for him, making sure he has the best gear he can and that no stray Guardian will hurt him.

The Spider, The Shore's Only Law, founder of "House" Spider: Ohoho where do I start. She's always hated Spider for how he treated Ghosts and NEVER took her own out around him. How he was treating Crow was the last straw for her and his partnership. She's still friends, however, with another Guardian Spider has employed, Miriam-46.

Uldren Sov, Prince of the Reef, Master of Crows: She wasn't ever too fond of Uldren when she heard the stories about him. She was so angry when he killed Cayde, that it clouded her judgement. Uldren needed help, and in the end, he was right about Mara being alive.

Mara Sov, Queen of the Reef, Queen of the Awoken, Ex-Kell of Wolves: 2 has never liked her. She finds her snobby and just plain rude. She doesn't like how Mara talks down to others and thinks she's better than others.

Variks, the Loyal, founder of House Judgement: At first, 2 blamed Variks for the Prison of Elders, but after getting to know him and his cause, she warmed up to him.

Mithrax, the Forsaken, Kell of Light, founder of House Light: She's only met him a couple of times, but respects him none the less. She hopes they can get more Eliksni to join the House of Light.

The Exo Stranger/Elizabeth "Elsie" Bray, Granddaughter of Clovis I and Sister to Ana Bray: 2's very thankful that Elsie's taking the time to show people the Darkness, and really appreciates her. While this Elsie isn't our timelines Elsie, she knew about 2's memory bank, and tipped her off to it.

Eramis, of House Salvation, Kell of Darkness: 2 wonders that, if she didn't have the support of Ghost and Elsie, would she have turned out like Eramis? Seeing the Darkness seduce someone like that was unnerving, and she wants to do everything in her power to correct it.

Empress Caiatl of the Cabal Imperial Empire: 2 thinks the Cabal should just surrender. They're running their troops thin in the hopes that the Guardians will cave, and they most likely won't. Sometimes, 2 doesn't want to fight anymore. She respects Caiatl as a warrior, and nothing else.

Taniks the Scarred, the Perfected, the Abomination, the Shadow Thief: HOW ARE YOU STILL ALIVE, she's just, yeah she doesn't like him.

The Darkness is fast approaching. How is your Guardian handling it: She may not show it, but she's kinda scared. She knows that she and Ghost are destined to die one day, and she's dreading the day she gets the sword. She hopes that her decisions will change that fate.

And finally, does your Guardian have any advice for any New Lights: Don't get too close to an enemy when you shoot a rocket at it, and don't let your emotions get the best of you. Go at your own pace, we don't need you New Lights getting hurt or doing something dumb.

[aion-rsa]

Godzilla Singular Point: The Weird History of Jet Jaguar

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The latest take on Toho’s iconic, building-crushing lizard comes in the form of Godzilla Singular Point, an anime series now available in dubbed form on Netflix. Taking place in the not-too-distant future, this reimagining of the King of Monsters involves a group of human characters becoming aware – through rather bizarre ways – of a coming apocalyptic event. Now the only thing that can save them is a behemoth out to punch monsters and look out for the little guy.

No, not Godzilla. He’s actually the apocalyptic event. No, our hero is none other than Jet Jaguar.

Yes, it’s finally time for Jet Jaguar to get his due.

A concept nearly 50 years old at this point, Jet Jaguar is one of those characters who was initially doomed to fail, but lives on due to nostalgia and the golden notion of, “I realize most people hated that thing from my childhood, but I bet I could make it good!” At best, he was a rad addition to the Godzilla mythos. At worst, he was a dumb idea from a dumb movie. For the most part, he’s remembered as something goofy that gets laughed at, despite having some genuine earnestness.

Jet Jaguar was created from both a fan contest and a corporate game of telephone. Back in 1972, to jump on the bandwagon of tokusatsu giant superhero/robot shows, Toho asked fans to design their own superhero design. The winner was a half-man/half-bird robot with a lengthy neck resembling a stack of rings named Red Alone. The concept was turned into a full-on rubber costume, but they changed the color scheme, which upset the young winner. They later decided to just scrap the whole thing, keep the color scheme, and make their own new design. And so, Jet Jaguar was born.

The superhero made an entire one movie appearance in 1973’s Godzilla vs. Megalon. As the urban legend goes, this was initially intended to be a standalone Jet Jaguar movie that the studio just didn’t have faith in towards the end and they hastily threw in Godzilla and recurring Godzilla villain Gigan. While the claim is dubious and unproven, it certainly is easy to understand where the allegations come from.

Everything about the movie feels rushed. As the last-minute replacement for another Godzilla film that didn’t pan out, filming took several weeks and production was a mere six months. Even the Godzilla costume was whipped up in record time. As for the story, outside of the intro, the preexisting elements (Godzilla and Gigan) aren’t thrown in until about 2/3 into the movie. Up until that point, it feels like a Jet Jaguar vs. Megalon movie with the production team hitting the panic button.

The plot of Godzilla vs. Megalon is that a scientist Goro Ibuki is working on a robot called Jet Jaguar, along with his little brother Rokuro and his best friend Hiroshi. They get wrapped up in a plot involving a group of beings from Atlantis-But-Not-Really, who are annoyed at all the nuclear bomb tests going on in their neck of the woods. They steal Jet Jaguar and use him to guide their insect god Megalon to different cities for the sake of smashing them up and punishing humanity.

Goro and friends get their hands on Jet Jaguar’s controls and use him to lead Godzilla to where Megalon is. Then the Seatopians call some alien friends for a solid and have them send in Gigan. Jet Jaguar is able to break away from all control and becomes fully sentient, as well as revealing the ability to turn into a giant. It becomes a big tag team battle, mostly remembered for Godzilla doing the silliest dropkick you’ve ever seen, followed by a second one for good measure.

The villains escape, Jet Jaguar and Godzilla shake hands, they go their separate ways, and Jet Jaguar reunites with the humans heroes after shrinking back down. He gets his own snazzy theme song to close things out.

In Japan, the movie wasn’t all that successful. As the thirteenth title in the Godzilla series, it brought in the worst returns yet. Between public burnout and the movie’s lack of quality, it just wasn’t grabbing people. That said, it came out at just the right time in the United States. Released in 1976, it came out months before the anticipated King Kong remake. The American movie poster for the movie even bit on the King Kong poster by featuring Godzilla and Megalon duking it out while each standing on a different Twin Tower, even though the movie at no point took place in the States.

A year later, the movie would be cut down into 48 minutes so they could broadcast it on NBC in prime time, across an hour with commercials. The only reason I mention this at all is because it was hosted by John Belushi wearing a Godzilla costume, which is sadly somewhere in the abyss of golden lost media.

Getting back to Jet Jaguar – the topic of this article – I feel the need to bring up Germany’s handling of the movie’s translation. Rather than call him “Jet Jaguar,” they referred to him as “King Kong.” I mean…sure, why not. Even weirder, when the next two movies introduced fellow giant robot MechaGodzilla, Germany once again referred to the robot as “King Kong.” Guys, I know what you’re going for here, but it doesn’t work that way.

Anyway, Godzilla vs. MechaGodzilla and Terror of MechaGodzilla followed Godzilla vs. Megalon and closed off the classic Showa Era of Godzilla movies. Not only did Japan need to rest Godzilla as a concept for nearly a decade, but this also meant that whenever Godzilla would come back, it was going to be some kind of reboot or new “only the first movie counts” installment. Jet Jaguar was never high on the list to be brought back, especially since MechaGodzilla completely overshadowed him.

He would at least get a little more exposure in 1991 when Godzilla vs. Megalon was featured in the second season of Mystery Science Theater 3000. While much of the episode is spent making fun of one of the Seatopians for looking like Oscar Wilde, they toss plenty of jokes at Jet Jaguar. Most memorably, they “translate” Jet Jaguar’s ending theme, which notes that his mother never loved him and he looks a lot like Jack Nicholson.

Due to rights issues, Godzilla vs. Megalon is one of the few MST3K episodes that is no longer legally available for viewing. This does make the original MST3K Collection Volume 10 box set (which included Godzilla vs. Megalon as one of the four movies) a collector’s item, as it was later discontinued and rereleased with The Giant Gila Monster taking its spot.

A stranger use of Jet Jaguar comes in the form of Certain Distant Suns’ music video for “Bitter” in 1995. While there’s not much of a narrative outside of the band playing, footage of Godzilla vs. Megalon being shown, and a few shots of guys walking around in Megalon and Jet Jaguar costumes, I really insist you give the video a look due to the ending. It certainly goes in a direction I wasn’t expecting.

In 1997, Jet Jaguar made his next official appearance in another frankly bizarre spectacle. In Japan, a series called Godzilla Island appeared on TV in three-minute increments. While it only lasted a year, there were a whopping 256 episodes, meaning almost 13 hours of footage. If you’ve never heard of Godzilla Island, you might be thinking, “Wow, almost 13 hours of Godzilla stuff? Why isn’t this more well known?”

Well, it probably has a lot to do with the fact that instead of using guys in rubber suits, the kaiju action was done with action figures. Yikes.

Not only did Jet Jaguar show up during these adventures, but they gave him the 90s superhero action figure treatment. Much like how they released as many figures of Batman as possible for different crime-fighting scenarios, Godzilla Island gave us Silver Jet Jaguar, Medical Jet Jaguar, and even Fireman Jet Jaguar. Collect them all!

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Movies

Godzilla vs. Kong Writer Talks About Spending 8 Years in the MonsterVerse

By Don Kaye

Movies

Godzilla vs. Kong Director and Writer Talk Future of The MonsterVerse

By Don Kaye

In the early 2000s, Godzilla: Destroy All Monsters Melee was released for the GameCube and Xbox under the Atari brand. It was a fighting game featuring various characters from Godzilla lore and though Atari wanted to include Jet Jaguar, Toho refused. Still, at least Megalon was included in the game. There would be two sequels in the form of Godzilla: Save the Earth and Godzilla: Unleashed. FINALLY, Jet Jaguar was playable, because if there’s anything you can count on, it’s scraping the bottom of the barrel when you’re working on multiple installments of a nostalgic who’s who project.

He’d also return in 2014’s Godzilla game for PlayStation 3 and 4. The producer of the game didn’t even plan on putting him in there, but he saw that the programmers already were working on him and just shrugged it off. There was a special trick to summoning Jet Jaguar as a boss character. By ending up in three different Godzilla vs. Jet Jaguar scenarios and winning all three times, you would then unlock a special cutscene of the two shaking hands while a confused military woman would wonder about their history.

Around the mid-2010s, IDW Publishing was all about releasing a bunch of comics with the Godzilla license. Their mainline series was Godzilla: Rulers of the Earth, which went on for 25 issues. Early on, Jet Jaguar appeared out of nowhere during a fight between Godzilla and the team of Gigan and Orga. In human size, Jet Jaguar flew into Orga’s mouth, then expanded into giant size, causing the beast to explode. Especially awesome was that it came with the cliffhanger text, “Next: PUNCH! PUNCH! PUNCH!” a reference to Jet Jaguar’s theme song from the movie.

Jet Jaguar showed up regularly in the series, coming off as Godzilla’s designated driver friend and handler. What I mean is that he seemed to be out to protect Godzilla, but that meant having to keep his violent ally on task (ie. pointing out that Gigan was nearby to stop Godzilla from attacking Jet Jaguar) and throwing punches when the situation absolutely called for it.

This continuity played up Jet Jaguar as more enigmatic than anything, as although he was mechanical, the only human character who knew his origins was killed off before it could be explained. Even one of the invading alien villains saw him on a screen and basically went, “Oh crap. It’s THIS guy!” Regardless, he still came off as a total badass, winning fights against Godzilla, Gigan (the chainsaw-hand version), and Destroyah.

Then again, at one point he needed to be saved by the 1998 American Godzilla, which at least proved as a reminder to the robot hero that there are Toho characters far more hated than him.

Toho started using Jet Jaguar again, albeit in sillier ways. In 2019, as an April Fool’s Day prank, they put up a teaser on YouTube for a Jet Jaguar movie. They also had him appear a few times on Godziban, a Godzilla web series for kids that, once again, used dolls and action figures to tell its stories.

Now Jet Jaguar is a major part of Godzilla Singular Point. To get into specifics on the plot would be like explaining advanced calculus, but to keep on-topic, Jet Jaguar is the creation of Goro Otaki as both a way to ward off monstrous threats and as a company mascot. Considering King Kong’s role in King Kong vs. Godzilla was “kidnapped to be a company mascot,” maybe the Germans were onto something with the rename.

Anyway, this version of Jet Jaguar is more mechanical in appearance instead of having to rely on making him look like a human in a costume. Jet Jaguar is there to protect the heroes from the endless supply of monsters, usually taking some extensive damage. Still, the robot gets rebuilt stronger and stronger and becomes advanced enough to become self-aware and speak in…well, the voice of a teenage girl.

I don’t know, I guess I just figured he’d sound like Astro Guy from King of the Monsters.

There’s a big hard-to-explain twist, but the main thing to know is that Jet Jaguar becomes a full-on badass by the end of the series, turns out to be a huge key to the plot, and has a completely kickass showdown with Godzilla. In a way, Jet Jaguar’s journey in Singular Point is a lot like in real life, going from a lame idea that appealed to kids and gradually being understood as a respected part of the Godzilla mythos. Something initially representative of the worst of the franchise, proven to be something genuinely cool in the right hands.

Now it’s time for America to return the favor. Once again, timing is on Jet Jaguar’s side. The Monsterverse was on its way to the graveyard after the box office intake of Godzilla: King of the Monsters, but Godzilla vs. Kong came out at just the right time in the tail end of the pandemic to be a big success and keep the series going a little bit longer. There aren’t too many names in the toybox left to pull out, but at this point, Gigan and Jet Jaguar have to be high on the list.

cnx.cmd.push(function() { cnx({ playerId: "106e33c0-3911-473c-b599-b1426db57530", }).render("0270c398a82f44f49c23c16122516796"); });

Make it happen, Hollywood!

Godzilla Singular Point is available to stream on Netflix now.

The post Godzilla Singular Point: The Weird History of Jet Jaguar appeared first on Den of Geek.

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[randomvarious]

SWV - “Right Here” 18 Top Hits 1/94 Song released in 1993. Compilation released in 1994. R&B

The first wave of R&B girl groups in the 90s was dominated by three separate entities: first, there was En Vogue, who were responsible for starting the whole craze, and then came TLC, who were then followed by SWV. And since this is a post that’s gonna be littered with a bunch of fun, little trivia nuggets, here’s your first one: SWV, which is an acronym for Sisters With Voices, originally wanted to call themselves TLC, based on the first initials of their three members, Tamara, Leanne, and Cheryl. But they received a cease & desist letter from Epic Records, who had the TLC name locked up for the soon-to-be sensational Atlanta trio that was on their own roster. And so, Tamara, Leanne, and Cheryl begrudgingly settled on calling themselves SWV instead.

They began in 1988 in New York with two members, Leanne and Cheryl, who both sang at church, and were in search for a third girl to finish out the group. After going through auditions, they chose Tamara, who, according to a Rolling Stone article, was really shy and originally would only sing with the lights off. The three girls also donned stage names. Leanne would be Lelee, Cheryl would be Coko, and Tamara would be Taj. As a quirk, they sent out demo tapes with bottles of Perrier because they couldn’t afford to send champagne. They would end up catching the ear of legendary producer, as well as the father of the new jack swing fad, Teddy Riley (more on him later), and he would end up getting SWV inked to a ridiculously terrible eight-album contract, which the group never completely fulfilled. But at least they got themselves signed to a major, right?

In 1992, SWV released their debut album, It’s About Time, with most of the production coming from a guy named Brian Alexander Morgan. Morgan has gone on to produce, remix, write, and arrange for a bunch of music superstars, including Usher, Drake, Wu-Tang Clan, Mariah Carey, and Ariana Grande. But his first big opportunity came from...right here...with SWV’s debut album.

In fact, it was “Right Here” that would kick things off for SWV, becoming the group’s first single, before their debut album ended up hitting the shelves. But here’s where it might get a little confusing. That first single isn’t the version of “Right Here” that everyone would end up remembering SWV for. Actually, almost no one remembers the original version of “Right Here,” which is an excellent song on its own. Morgan laced his new jack swing beat with organ, electric guitar, and ringing bells that remind us of Run-D.M.C.’s “Peter Piper” and Snap!’s “The Power,” which both trace back to Bob James’ “Take Me to the Mardi Gras”. And Taj raps, too!

The original version of “Right Here” would peak at #92 on the Billboard Hot 100 and #16 on the R&B/Hip Hop chart. The next pair of SWV singles, “I’m So Into You” and “Weak” would fare much better, both reaching the top ten on Billboard’s Hot 100, with “Weak” going all the way to #1. These singles would then set the stage for the release of a new version of “Right Here,” the one everyone knows and loves, which is credited as a Teddy Riley remix, and was fresh for the summer of 1993. It’s commonly dubbed as the “Human Nature Mix” because of its liberal sampling of the Michael Jackson song off Thriller. That particular mix would also feature on the Free Willy soundtrack, which would also contain and lead with Michael Jackson’s “Will You Be There”. 

(Another famous sampling of “Human Nature” would happen in 1994, too, with Nas’ “It Ain’t Hard to Tell,” which was produced by Large Professor. Now, you could be thinking that the “Human Nature Mix” might’ve provided some inspiration for Large Pro to conjure up that particular beat, but as it turns out, “It Ain’t Hard to Tell” was actually recorded in ‘92.)

So here’s the coolest piece of trivia you’ll run into today. Know who’s delivering that catchy “ess, double, you, vee” line throughout the “Human Nature Mix”? Pharrell. And it’s his first vocal credit, ever! One day, he was performing in a high school talent show with his R&B group, The Neptunes (not his production project with Chad Hugo), and guess who was in the audience? Teddy Riley! Riley’s studio just so happened to sit next to Pharrell’s high school. How’s that for luck? Pharrell would end up writing Riley’s verse on Wreckx-N-Effect’s old school hip hop summer classic, “Rump Shaker,” and the following year he was on the “Human Nature Mix”. There’s also a captivating, “give-it-some-time-to-work-itself-out” kind of “UK Remix” of “Right Here” on which Pharrell raps, and in 1996, The Neptunes (now just Pharrell and Hugo) would receive their first production credits for two songs (and an interlude) on SWV’s second album, New Beginning.

And now for something probably even less people know about. Although the “Human Nature Mix” is credited to Teddy Riley, it’s not his work. It’s Brian Alexander Morgan’s, the guy who also produced the original version. Riley’s name was merely attached for marketing purposes only. The label probably thought that if they sold the single as a remix that was made by a production superstar who was using a Michael Jackson song(!), it would move more units than if they said it was by Morgan, which is a name that barely anyone knew. And it seems like the label was correct in its calculus. Even though it didn’t end up hitting #1 (it hit #2), the “Human Nature Mix” remains SWV’s most remembered song, and you can credit it for leading to a re-release of SWV’s debut album, which at that point would add the remix, and would help generate over two million copies sold.

And come to think of it, how many songs can you name in which the remix ended up becoming far more popular than the original version? Before the advent of EDM, anyway. And “Ignition (Remix)” doesn’t count, by the way. That totally misunderstands what a remix is. There’s like a handful of tracks that come to mind: a pair of Amber remixes by Hani and Thunderpuss (”One More Night” and “Sexual (Li Da Di),” respectively), another Thunderpuss remix of “It’s Not Right But It’s Okay” by Whitney Houston, a Latin house remix of Madonna’s “Don’t Cry for Me Argentina” by Pablo Flores and Javier Garza, and of course, Todd Terry’s remix of “Missing” by Everything But the Girl. But the “Human Nature Mix” of “Right Here” might be at the top of the list. Lots of people aren’t even aware of the original’s existence. When you say the words “’Right Here’ by SWV,” everyone just assumes you’re talking about the “Human Nature Mix”. When the song is included on compilations, a lot of times the words “Human Nature” aren’t anywhere to be found, like on this random German comp I have that gathered 18 of the top songs from January of 1994. That’s how much more popular the “Human Nature Mix” is than the original. Let me know if you can think of any other remixes that hold a similar status.

One more thing before I get to the music video. This mix is so different from the original. The original version has a much harder edge and clearly took way more thought and effort to put together than the “Human Nature Mix” since the “Human Nature Mix” primarily just coasts off of the Michael Jackson sample. It doesn’t mean the original’s better though. It’s definitely great, but it’s trapped in the new jack swing era, and for that reason, it doesn’t have the staying power of the “Human Nature Mix”. Sometimes a producer finds something that’s easy enough to cobble together and it just manages to hit really good. That’s definitely the case here. The “Human Nature Mix” is just so fluffy; it was perfect summer radio then and it’s perfect summer radio now. It’s like an R&B counterpart to DJ Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince’s “Summertime,” which came out a couple years beforehand. In fact, if I were doing a nostalgic 90s summer mix, I would probably line those tracks up back-to-back (”Rump Shaker” would be somewhere in there, too). There’s just a super relaxing, enjoyable airiness that both songs seem to possess. Oh, and speaking of DJ Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince, you know who provides the background vocals on Will Smith’s “Men in Black” song? Coko from SWV. Wild, right?

So, anyway, the video. It sucks. It just does. It’s not memorable at all, besides the awkward, intermittent slip-ins of footage of Michael Jackson performing “Human Nature” from his Dangerous tour and some clips of Free Willy swimming and breeching. It’s really a missed opportunity for the group. Apparently, there’s another video without Michael and Free Willy, too, but I can’t find it. It sounds like it’s boring though. Oh well.

The first single off of SWV’s next album (”You’re the One”) would do very well for itself, too, and that album would manage to go platinum. But they’d get lost in the fold soon after, while En Vogue and TLC would end up building much more on their prior success. And TLC would come out on top for the late 90s with songs like “No Scrubs” and “Unpretty”.

SWV made good songs, but they weren’t marketed well, at all. Case in point, your last bit of trivia: Taj was a contestant on Survivor in 2009. No, not Celebrity Survivor. Just regular-ass Survivor. No one knew she was Taj from SWV and she didn’t tell anyone on the show either. This lady helped sell millions of records for fuck’s sake. I guarantee you every contestant on that show knew an SWV song and they had no idea who this woman even was. Isn’t that kind of insane? I mean, SWV were by no means one-hit wonders, and they weren’t super popular for that long, but they were definitely an early 90s R&B staple. Anyway, for what it’s worth, Taj ended up finishing in fourth on Survivor. She’s also married to soon-to-be Hall of Fame running back Eddie George. 

So, there it is. One of the greatest and most popular tunes of the 90s. A song everyone likes that has a lot of fun, interesting facts that surround it. Shame that these girls couldn’t sustain their success for the remainder of the decade, but at least they and Brian Alexander Morgan gave us this indomitable classic.

[kaiowut99]

5D's Episode 27... with an “Uncut” Dub?! (Re-Edited 4Kids Dub/Japanese OST - Revised)

“A World Without Light -- The Dark Synchro Frozen Fitzgerald!”/”A Web of Deceit (Part 1)″

Everybody listen!

Took long enough to finish up and polish (partly because of work and activism life actually picking up a bit), but here’s a brand-new “dub-uncut” episode! With my first few takes in episodes 23-26 newly revised, I was looking forward to working on 27 and starting fresh again, lol. In case this is the first you’re hearing about my mini-project here, let’s get you up to speed:

So, the official Spanish YGO channel on YouTube flubbed a few uploads of the 5D’s dub such that they ended up uploading a few episodes of the English dub instead of the Latin American dub (21-29)–but with none of 4Kids’s background music! Which meant that I could swoop in and re-insert the original Japanese soundtrack (which I did by matching each track to how it was looped in the episode), but I wanted to do more by also tweaking the dub itself so that not only was it matching the original footage, but the dialogue was more in line with the original dialogue timing-wise (since I couldn’t salvage much of what they changed).  Hence, the “dubbed uncut” gimmick here.  To this end, I’ve also used dialogue from Duel Links where applicable, or even borrowed audio from other episodes with the vocals isolated to lend to that effect.

Check out the masterpost of episodes I’ve done here!

Check out this episode’s WIP videos! WIP #1     WIP #2     WIP #3   WIP #4   WIP #5

So, this one was fun to do particularly because overall, save for the, er... butchering that happened on explaining the Dark Synchro mechanic (4Kids wut) and the rewrite of Carly’s interaction with her Editor-in-Chief (and making Carly a “blogger” lol), the dialogue was already more or less in line with the Japanese version, which meant that I was more or less just removing a lot of the fluff as I added back the OST.  As I did in 22, 24, and 26, I added subs for the scenes where 4Kids rewrote things a bit too much for my taste (so, the scenes I mentioned above, but also the occasional line or a few), but of course these subs will be optional in the MKV I release on NAC for this.  I also added back some SFX and tried to remove the dub’s replacement SFX in most cases, though I had to swap out the SFX as Speed Warrior was tuning with Junk Synchron since 4Kids had a tendency to add some new one over the original SFX and made it too loud to work with the Yusei chant I put there.  And I translated the OP/ED credits in Last Train and CROSS GAME, revamping my singable lyrics a bit for Last Train while drafting new ones for CROSS GAME which I’ll post soon; you can see my Last Train translation in the second WIP video and CROSS GAME’s here. Full process breakdown below the cut.

Also, major thanks to yugidmx5 for providing A+ rips of the “The Day Begins/Tenpei” theme in the Carly/Angela scene, the “Vision of Tragedy” theme as Yusei and Ruka talk about the Satellite’s future, and the alternate “Dark Signers” tune which plays as we first see them and then again between the Dark Signer drones recruiting and Yusei chasing Dark-Signer!Dick down (before it transitions to the OST-released version once Yusei gets to the building under construction); I know that since these came out well, he’s working on better rips for some or most of the unreleased OST, so stay tuned there (I also drafted up a full version of the alternate DS theme, but had to get creative since they didn’t play all of it in this alternate style; will post soon).  And thanks to Tiny Spider Productions, who provided the “shock” SFX playing as Carly sees Yusei’s arm actually glowing in her car, some inspo here/there for dialogue fixes, and provided CurtisH from CastingCallClub’s recording he did voicing a line from Tanner translating the original line about the four Signers they know which 4Kids cut short.

I hope folks enjoy! Just breezing through 28 often for lines to use here, I can tell it’s going to be a headache because they did throw in a lot more jankiness in the dialogue... So, fun. 🙃 Once I handle finalizing my subs for GX 56 (and possibly 57 due to how long this took), I’ll start drafting it out; stay tuned~ 

(And if you're able to reblog for visibility, it’d be appreciated given Tumblr’s suckage with links 🙏🏽)

Breakdown, breakdown~

So, I used Duel Links audio for the twins to handle the Noteworthy/Showcased Cards bit (we’ll see if I still can in 28... And as the twins are voiced by Eileen Stevens in Duel Links but not yet in 5D’s [that happens in 65], bear with me lol), and I also translated the sign for this hardsub in Photoshop, masking in the Fitzgerald card and Rua and Ruka’s heads over it in Sony Vegas.  

Moving to the episode proper, a second was trimmed from the shot of the stadium in the TV Rally/co are using once it tunes in, and I couldn’t properly loop the “Yusei!” shouts to cover it, so I just filled in the audio with the crowd just cheering.  In the Carly/Angela scene, I removed Angela’s extra lines about her makeup and hair while Carly was getting ready, then tweaked Angela’s line on camera to remove her last name (which we never learn originally) and move her lines about “Fusei Yudo” winning to play sooner while removing Carly’s “one journalist to another” as she walks up to correct her (as this scene was rewritten, there are subs to show the original dialogue).  Looped chants of “Yusei!” to remove his internal “pointing out the obvious” monologue before the OP.

After the OP, I used the JP audio to keep the doctors moving Jack quiet (hopefully you don’t notice the chants changing lol), then as Yanagi runs over, I replaced his bit about Yusei having “a brand new enemy” in the media with “we should all get going” from 26.  The Godwin/Lazar scene stays the same since it was accurate, but I did have to put the end of Rex’s “that’s the only thing that matters” line on another track so Lazar’s gasp would play when it should (they added a second to his talking in the dub).  The Yusei/co scene in the tunnel stays mostly the same, just switched to the JP audio as the flashback to the Satellite vision happened, then as Yusei had a quick one before gasping, I recycled a gasp and a “hmm” from elsewhere to cover the commercial-inducing monologue they gave him in the dub.  For the press conference scene, I thought about removing the one “That’s right, Ted” reporter’s line since he’s quiet originally, but thought “whatever,” and then I spaced out Carly’s line as she reads her fortune to match her Japanese line’s pace and remove some of the fluff.  I switched to the JP audio after Carly asked about Yusei’s arm glowing to remove Rex’s comment over it, then stitched up a “Perhaps; still, I didn’t see that” mixing his line there with a “still” from 23.  Carly’s line as she’s excited about Goodwin dodging her question (originally just “I’ll keep moving forward too!” [she references her fortune a lot more]) was longer in the dub, so I cut out the “which means I’m onto something” for use later.  For Carly’s chat with her Editor-in-Chief, I included subs because of the rewrite, but I did shorten Carly’s line just before “bring some dirt and you might still have a job” which was lengthened by 4Kids.  Removed a lot of Carly’s fluff as she began to watch the Yusei duel footage via the JP audio, then stitched together “Goodwin tried to give me that bit but [the whole world will know what Goodwin’s trying to hide]”, the latter bit coming from Carly’s monologue as she’s running at the end of the ep, then switched to the JP audio to remove Carly’s fluff about living in her car.  Then, as we see the Dark Signers looming, because 4Kids removed the commercial break here, I kept only Demak and Kalin’s chuckling and Roman’s “lower the curtains” line over the desk shot, then looped some of his laughing from after the eyecatch to lead into it.

After the eyecatch, I made use of his “Goodwin assembled his Signers” bit, recycled a little chuckling, then cut Roman’s reference to Shakespeare to just the “tangled web” line (thanks to yugidmx5 also providing the SFX for this scene, I was able to move Roman’s laughing to play where it should after he releases his spiders).  Moving to Yanagi drawing the Crimson Dragon, I only kept his “saw it the once” line while using Japanese Rua and Ruka’s interested gasps to fill a fluff gap, then combined two bits of audio to get a [slightly] awkward “t[ail]” to fix 4Kids’s dumb error claiming he had the Head birthmark; accordingly, made Leo say “What about it?” instead of “What about the Head?”.  CurtisH’s line for Tanner comes in here, with a slight tweak or two to match the lip-flaps more, then JP audio as we see all the Signers so far to remove Leo’s dialogue.  Meanwhile, for Jack’s hospital scene, I translated the “No Visitors” sign Mikage walks past (along with fixing “Atlus” to “Atlas”).  The Dark Signer recruitment scene also gets some subs, then I used the JP audio from when we see Dark Signer!Dick walking to Yusei’s birthmark beginning to glow; yugidmx5 providing the SFX was a big help here, too.  Yusei runs out to chase Dick down, and then when he sees him inside the under-construction building, I took “Who are you” from later in the episode, but added a more question-ending “u?” to flesh the sound out a bit (since the line was “Who are you and what’s going on”).  I took “Fine, then” and “What are you planning to do to the Satellite” from 28 (which I’ll likely cut as it was added offscreen dialogue), and TSP provided a vocal-isolated cut of Dick’s line about his master (because 4Kids cut his shot short by a second or two and played it as the SFX for the zoomout as his Disk activated played).  

They begin the duel, and here I just kept “What’s going on?” from the line I noted earlier, recycled some laughing from Dick to match the JP script, then shortened his line about their being offered up “by the light” to work with the new timing.  Dick begins his turn, but I recycled an “It’s my turn now” line from later for accuracy, then his setting-a-card line is cut short at his ending his turn as Yusei looks on.  Carly, driving nearby and seeing lights from the duel off in the distance, gets her reference to the Goodwin “sheen from Yusei’s Runner got in your eye” line that I cut replaced with the “I’m onto something” I noted before.  Yusei gets a recycled “It’s my move!” line from 24 to start his turn, tweaked to remove the drawing SFX that happens in it, then to remove a dub SFX I used a Duel Links line to fill out “I activate the Tuning [Spell Card]”.  “I summon Junk Synchron” comes from 24 (and “Level-2-or-below Monster from my Graveyard” comes from his Graceful Revival explanation in episode 3), then--thanks to Arian over on NAC reuploading some HQ dub episodes--a better-quality vocal rip of his “Level-3 Junk Synchron, tune with Level-2 Speed Warrior!” line from 87, along with a better-quality rip of his “From two come one” chant and “Form the road of light!” from Duel Links.  Yusei shouts “Battle!” from Duel Links, then I slowed down his line at “[Attack his Blizzard Li]zard” to end it there (and remove the “warm Satellite welcome” fluff).  As Blizzard Lizard’s effect activates, I combined an “I activate,” “Blizzard Lizard’s special ability,” and “now” for a better line than “Blizzard Lizard’s special ability is going on.” Yusei’s lines after being damaged and realizing he damaged Dick too are spaced out to match the JP script, then I borrowed Yusei’s line on setting two cards from episode 3.  Then, when Dick plays Ice Mirror, I stitched up an explanation (since the Card Interruption does it for him) combining Call of the Haunted’s explanation with a few other pieces of dialogue (thanks to TSP for the inspo).  I cut Dick’s “Now I’ll play” line there to remove the dub’s zooming-in SFX, and then made Dick’s line about his third Blizzard Lizard end right before the split-screen with all three of them to remove the dub’s split-screen SFX.  I thought about replacing Yusei’s “three’s a crowd” line with “What’s that all about” from later, but couldn’t figure out a way to fill the line in before that, so I left it, but didn’t let Dick acknowledge it by just recycling “With that done” to replace “Well, how about [I release]”, then after Yusei reacts to his Dark Tuner, I recycled some chuckling to match the JP script and trimmed his line about its “power to extinguish;” the Dark Synchro “explanation” gets some subs to actually explain it, then I looped Carly’s panting as she runs to cover the “Goodwin’s trying to hide” line I moved to earlier, and recycled/amplified Dick’s laughing at various points through the ep to remove Yusei’s episode-ending monologue.

In the preview, I just recycled Yusei’s “No way...” and “A Dark Synchro Summon?!” while borrowing Carly’s lines about the Dark Tuner from 28, then Yusei’s line about getting his answers to end it.  I had to speed up the OST version of the preview tune to match the pace here, then trimmed it and ended it with the JP audio for the quick fade-out.

/phew