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queen-of-my-goofball-army · 4 years ago

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I Think There's Something You Should Know DuckTales Fic~

A double post?! In what kind of fresh hell world is this?! All joking aside, this is a fic that my best friend @i-want-a-donut DM about via my recent discord account making! She want a soft fic with Sabrina and Ludwig so that is what I'm here to bestow upon all of you!

I paced around the bedroom that I had recently been given at McDuck manor. I knew that this day had to come but I hadn’t expected for it to be so soon. It was the deadline for something that I had promised myself that I would do.

“It’s just uncle Ludwig, has he ever hated you?” I muttered to myself just not wanting to get this done. This was not something that I had ever wanted to do.

“You can’t help this. It’s not like when you were born somebody bestowed the gay upon you. It’s something that you have to discover for yourself. Whether or not he accepts that is not up to you. He’ll still love me. Through everything he’s been the one person that has ever stood by my side and vouched for my decision making. He would never, ever reject me for being who I truly am inside. Right Ji?” I asked my cat who was sitting on the floor looking up at me with his big green eyes as if to convey human I have no idea what you just said to me.

“I know, you’re just a cat. You’re lucky, these kinds of things can’t bother you because the only thing that matters to you is pets, cuddles and food. You’ll still love me right Jiji?” He meowed softly at me and I couldn’t help but chuckle lightly at him.

“Of course you will. I’m the human that looks after you so you’ll have to always care about me. I’ve pushed this out already way longer than it needs to be. Everyone else in the family already knows and still loves me. But if he doesn’t… if he can’t accept me this way…” I chocked on the sob that threatened to leave me just trying to calm down and think about this rationally. My phone buzzed next to me and I hesitantly picked it up.

Gosalyn <3: Love, I know you’re nervous about this but this is kooky uncle Ludwig that you’re going to tell. This is the person that you’ve always wanted to be. This is the same person that taught you the colors of the spectrum through freaking song, you’ll be fine babe. I believe in you!! Through Gosalyn’s encouraging words I took severally deep breaths.

“Thanks Gos, you always know just what to say to make me feel better.” I laughed a little bit when she sent me a picture of her skating on her Darkwing Duck board.

Me: Thanks gorgeous, I’m just panicking that’s all. Sure, my family accepts me but there’s no opinion in this whole world that I value more than uncle Ludwig even if he is kooky. I sighed adjusting my ponytail for what felt like the millionth time that day.

“Sabrina?” I heard my uncle Donald knock lightly on my bedroom door and I sighed a little bit playing with the ends of my hair.

“It’s time to go and meet uncle Ludwig for your weekly lessons.” I sighed a little bit looking over at the calendar and seeing that it was the day that I thought it was. I had to do it today if I wanted to treat myself to that trip to St. Canard for my birthday at the end of next month.

“Sabrina, just because you set a deadline for something doesn’t mean that it has to be done that specific day. You make these promises to yourself that if you can’t do this one specific thing by this one day that you’ll panic if you haven’t done it yet. Whatever you have to tell us I’m sure that it’s not as bad as you think it is inside your head.” He reminded me patiently and I nodded my head looking down at my webbed feet.

“You can do it Brina. I know that you can. It might seem difficult at first especially because your uncle is your biggest hero in the whole world but you’ll see. Everything will work itself out in the end.” My mom got down so that she could easier talk to me.

“But what if you all hate me? I couldn’t live with myself if all of you hated me…” My mom just thumbed my tears away from my eye.

“Oh honey, we could never ever hate you. No matter what it is that you feel that you need to tell us, we’ll understand. We’ll listen and we’ll be here for you no matter what happens. I know that your brain has probably been running around in circles these last few weeks trying to tell us something. I want you to tell us when you come back with uncle Ludwig for dinner.” My mom reasoned and I hugged her tightly. I took a couple of deep breaths knowing that she made, as usual, a decent argument.

“You’ve been hiding things from us too sis so I know that whatever you’ve got going on in your personal life that you’re scared to admit it. It’s okay to keep shit to yourself. But it’s also okay to talk about whatever you’re afraid of as well.” Louie reminded me and I looked over at my green hoodie wearing brother.

“I think what Lou is trying to tell you is that we have your back Brina. Everyone in this family sticks together no matter what it is that we’re struggling with. Whatever is going on in your life we’ll be there for that as well.” Huey reminded me and I looked over at my brother with tears in my eyes and he just wound his arms around my neck in a tight hug.

“I’ve always got your back sis. No matter what that secret is that you’ve been keeping I’ll always fight with you. You’re not alone in your battle. You have so many people out there backing you up.” He encouraged me and I smiled softly at my brother knowing that he was already in my corner. He’d probably already figured out what I was going to tell them all over dinner tonight. I was planning on telling uncle Ludwig before I told the rest of the family anyways.

“Sabrina, it’s time to go.” I nodded my head retracting from my brother’s hug and ruffling Louie’s tuft on his head.

“I’ll see you later Lou, send me cute Animal Crossing pics.” I picked up my over the shoulder bag checking to make sure that my laptop and my homework from the last week was inside of it.

“You’ve got it, if I see Dora in my village I’ll send you cute screenshots.” I saw my brother instantly log onto his switch and flip upside down so that he could play the cute game that he had gotten me into in the first place. I buckled my seatbelt and spent the rest of the car ride over in silence my brain still running laps around itself trying to figure out the best way to possibly tell my favorite family member that I was a lesbian.

“Have a good lesson okay Brina?” I nodded my head kissing my uncle’s cheek with a small smile on my face that instantly relaxed when I saw my uncle Ludwig at the front of his stoop.

“Mien starchen!! So happy to see you, are you ready to get ze learning on?” I nodded my head with a bright smile on my face.

“I’m always ready to get my learn on Uncle Ludwig. Bye uncle Donald!” I waved to my uncle who was driving the old family car back to the manor.

“How have you been this last week? Ze homework wasn’t too difficult for you was it?” I shook my head with a small smile on my face.

“I could figure everything out! I had an amazing teacher after all and you’ve alway made sure that everything was crystal clear before you sent me off on my own. I did have to ask Lou for help with calculous but math has never been my best subject other than algebra.” I explained the homework that I had struggled with and he just lightly patted my head.

“You’ll understand ze calculus eventually it’ll be like chemistry where at first it just looks like a bunch of gobbly gook until you understand ze mechanics.” He reasoned and I smiled softly as I saw that my uncle was wearing one of the vests that I had knitted for him. Uncle Ludwig had always been encouraging of my passions and my interests and always wore the designs that I made for him.

“I know uncle. Thanks again for taking time out of your busy schedule.” He looked at me his eyes soft but at the same time sad.

“Oh hush ze sad thoughts, this is ze highlight of my week. You know zis.” Ludwig’s eyes were filled with the varying emotions and I just looked down at my webbed feet.

“I’m sorry uncle Ludwig… I’m so sorry…” I chocked on a sob and he just took my hands in his running comforting circles into them.

“What ever are you sorry for mein starchen? What is up with ze crocodile tears all of the ze sudden?” He thumbed away as many as he could and I just shook my head.

“I’ll tell you once I can be calm enough. I’m telling the-the rest of the family at dinner tonight.” I chocked out and he just smiled sadly at me.

“Oh starchen come here my little one…” He hugged me tightly to his body nearly lifting me off the ground but I couldn’t help but cling to him just as hard.

“It’ll be okay, whatever it is that you have to tell I will promise you right now that there is no reason to be sorry. You could never do anything that would make me hate you Sabrina. There is nothing wrong with you whether it be ze mental or ze emotional. You just need help to understand things sometimes and zere is nothing with asking for ze help every now and again. I wanted to sign you two new books for today anyways. Shall we talk zis talk to ze library where you can be comfortable? I’ll get you a cup of hot chocolate from ze machine and some breakfast while I am at it.” His soothing voice brought me out of my own head and I found myself slowly melting into the warmth of the affection of it. There was so much there that I could get lost in. I found his library easily because that was where most of our lessons were held. I looked around me at all the huge stacks of bookshelves seeing two that were in front of his desk. Brave New World and Slaughterhouse Five.

“Oh you have found them already!! Those will be your next book reports zat I want by ze end of ze month. Both of ze books I would highly recommend for somebody like you. They are very unique and I think zat you will love zem both.” He encouraged me and I nodded my head with a small smile on my face picking up one of them.

“I have heard of both of them, isn’t this where you took your If you had a bad day, take a soma. If you want to forget that you even had that day, take two poster from that’s in your office?” He nodded his head coming to sit next to me. He took my hand in his and I wrapped one of them around the hot chocolate. I saw the toasted breakfast sandwich in front of me as well.

“What has been bothering you as of late mien starchen? You have been pulling away from me and it is very troublesome.” I sighed a little bit knowing that it was now or never. I couldn’t keep living like this, where I was hiding who I truly was inside of me.

“Uncle Ludwig, I think there’s something you should know about me… I’m gay. Gosalyn is my girlfriend. We’ve been dating for the past month and a half.” He slowly set down his cup of cocoa that he had made for himself and turned to me.

“Zat’s what all ze crocodile tears were for? Oh starchen I already knew that. Why else do you think I have been giving you so much reading material based upon things that aren’t straight laced? I wanted you to tell me on your own terms and you did. I am so proud of you, my little shining star…” He praised and I looked up at him with my eyes full of tears.

“You aren’t angry with me?” He shook his head fervently putting my cup down for me so I could bury my head into his shoulder.

“Sabrina I have never once in my entire life been angry with you. Zat’s just not humanly possible. You are far too lovable for me to ever hate you. I first picked out Fun Home because I thought zat you would find it to be interesting. I knew when I read your report on that book how true to you it really was.” He reminded me of the graphic novel that he had given me earlier on in the year. That was before Gosalyn and I had even officially started dating. I had known that I was very much gay for her but had no way of knowing if she actually felt the same way about me or not.

“You knew even then? That was when I had just figured out that my brother’s teasing me about Gos being my girlfriend hit a little bit too close to home for me. I thought that you’d be angry with me. You were always encouraging me to find myself but I was just so scared that I’d lose you for good.” I chocked back a sob and he just thumbed along my cheek with a small smile on his face.

“I’ve never not told you to be anything other than yourself. That’s ze reason that you continued to amaze me starchen. I’ve been calling you my star since you were a newly hatched egg. You were always uniquely your own person. Somebody zat continued to amaze me every day that she spent with me.” He nuzzled his beak against mine in a loving gesture. His eyes full of determination to make me believe that he was telling me what he truly felt.

“Th-Thank you uncle Ludwig, for always being there for me…” He laughed softly, that same laugh that always sent warmth and happiness down to my bones.

“I should be the one thanking you starchen. What’s about we go shopping a little bit later? I’m supposed to pick up ze dessert for tonight and I have an idea.” He told me and I blinked in confusion as he got out his computer and pulled up the local bakery.

“Ze colors of the lesbian flag are dark purple, a lighter shade of purple, an even lighter shade of purple, white, light orange, orange, and red correct?” I nodded my head as he plugged in all the numbers into the bakery website and I saw the beautiful cake that he had inside of his head.

“Uncle Ludwig…” I trailed off and he just smiled softly at me squeezing my hand with a small smile on his face.

“It is ze least that I could do for my amazing niece. I am so proud of you for coming to me about this starchen. I know how scary and how nerve-racking that must have been for you.” He encouraged me and I melted into the affectionate touch of his warm and soothing presence. This library always felt like my second home. I picked up my two books that were on his desk and read the descriptions on the back of them.

“Slaughterhouse Five? What’s that mean? Wasn’t Vonngeunt a prisoner in WWII?” Uncle Ludwig nodded his head since I had remembered that from last week’s lecture that he had given to me about the author.

“Zat’s what inspired zat novel. He was trying to make sense of humanity.” My heart broke for the poor man that had been through so much.

“Now I remember you telling me about that when I asked about the other poster in your room.” I nodded my head at the memory and he just smiled softly at me taking the books from me.

“How about we have ze free day of ze month today?” Every month he would give me one free day to either research something that I was interested in or we would just spend it together.

“But that’s supposed to be next week…” He just laughed at me, that laugh that I loved so much for how open and unique it was.

“It might be next week officially on your calendar but I would much rather do something fun with you today. If you want to do something productive with your day with me then I do have an assignment for you to research for next week. I want you to make me a powerpoint.” He went over to the front of the room and struggled to pull down his projector.

“Do you need help?” I asked him through my giggles but he just gave one final pull that left him flat on his face and his glasses askew.

“If it means anything I asked.” I joked and he just sighed heavily at me as he adjusted his glasses and I looked at the projector seeing a powerpoint about Marie Curie.

“I want you to make me a presentation about your hero. I know zat you have many like I do but I decided eventually to just go with the one that I knew the most about so Marie Curie was the one I chose.” I looked up at him and his powerpoint about the woman that discovered radiation.

“It doesn’t have to be a woman but I would prefer for it to be. It also doesn’t need to be science related but I was trying to find one for my special interest.” I listened to the criteria that my uncle was looking for when I made this powerpoint. Every month he would have me do one on a topic that he was interested in.

“Ursula K Le Guin…” I trailed off and he just smiled softly at me kissing my forehead with a small smile on his face.

“Of course you would pick the author of your favorite books. I would prefer it if you did it based off of things that you already know about her so that you won’t have to waste too much time on zis. I just thought that it would make you happy because you’ve been so stressed and anxious lately.” He encouraged me and I looked at his powerpoint going through the slides.

“I’ve got it! Thank you for this uncle, this means a lot to me. I’ll make an amazing powerpoint.” He laughed at me taking his cup of coco.

“I know you will starchen you always do. Here you go, these are also going to be your assignments for the rest of the week. There is extra calculous but I know zat you’ll also do the ze best you can.” Uncle Ludwig sat down next to me and clinked his cup with mine.

“I’ll have Hue help me if I need it. I need help with math usually it’s just a struggle for me most of the time. I prefer algebra because that’s more like doing a puzzle.” I reasoned and he stood up going over to his puzzle shelf.

“I recently got a new puzzle and I wanted to do it with you.” He stood up on his ladder getting what he was looking for and he waved his new puzzle around.

“Oh that sounds like fun! I’d love to make that one with you.” I smiled softly at my uncle as he dragged a clean table over and I took my sandwich. I looked over at the front of the box and smiled softly when I realized that it was an outdoor one with a waterfall. I always preferred the outdoor puzzles as opposed to ones that were themed to indoors.

“Hold on, let me get some music.” He went over to his old fashioned record player as I looked at the front cover of the puzzle box and set it up so that I could easily look back up at the object.

“Zat’s better now we can have some background noise. Good job getting it all set up starchen!!” He encouraged me and I smiled softly at him shaking my head.

“I just did what you would have done and what you taught me to do when dealing with puzzles.” He leaned his head against my shoulder and I just sighed a little bit. No matter how exhausting he could be I still loved my uncle more than anything in the entire world.

“I think zat we should glue this one and zen hang it up.” I nodded my head. It looked like it would be a really beautiful picture when it was all finished so I knew that he made a good point.

“I’ll help you to find the perfect place for it. This library is getting really busy with lots of things going on.” I teased him lightly as I found the perfect spot for the puzzle piece in front of me pressing it lightly into the square next to it.

“Excuse you, zis library is perfectly organized.” I quirked an eyebrow up at him gesturing with my wings to the room around me.

“What part of this is organized? I just helped you organize this chaos last month during free day how is it already like this?” My uncle just laughed a little bit to himself and I sighed. He would continue to have his library be an organized disaster where nobody knew where anything was but him. I was amazed that he still remembered where things were half of the time.

“I know it’s a problem starchen but I like my library the way that it is. Even if it’s messy and unorganized it feels more lived in this way.” He reasoned and I sighed a little bit knowing that there was no way that I’d make him feel any different.

“Zis one goes here I think…” My uncle pressed the piece against the one where he thought that it fit and it slid perfectly into place.

“I started another anime with Lou. It’s a science show, it’s really, really good.” I mentioned off handedly to my uncle. He was always interested in what I was watching and we had watched FullMetal Alchemist together in German something that was actually a lot of fun.

“What’s it called?” I could tell that he was genuinely excited, as he always was when the idea of science was brought up.

“It’s called Dr Stone. The story is about how one day the entire world turned to stone. 30,000 years into the future the main character Senku unfroze and he’s trying to get the world back to where it was in the modern society. He finds this village of people that are already living there and dubs that his kingdom of science and that’s how he gets society back onto it’s feet.” I explained the plot of the show and he listened to me intrigued.

“Zat sounds extremely interesting!! I will have to give it a watch and see if it can apply to what we are learning together.” My heart melted at the idea that he wanted to make some of the science that we did based on the show that had recently captured my interest. We had studied alchemy for months for fun after I had finished FullMetal and he got me all the volumes of the manga for my birthday.

“Thank you uncle Ludwig. That sounds like fun. There are experiments that Senku makes and explains how he does on the show so we’ll have to see if they work in the real world.” I melted into the warmth of the atmosphere that I was in at the moment.

“What else have you been doing with your siblings?” He asked me curiously and I got out my phone showing me the latest science project that I had helped Dewey make.

“Dew is going out for basketball again this year he’s getting really genuinely good at it. I love practicing with him he’s been teaching me how to play and everything. It’s a lot of fun! Plus you’re always going on about how I need to exercise more and that’s a fun way to do it. Hue is working to be a camp counselor this year for the Junior Woodchucks. Louie and I have been mostly playing Animal Crossing together.” Uncle Ludwig put his arm around my shoulders with a small smile on his face. He listened to me and paid attention to everything that was going on in my life.

“Animal Crossing is ze cute one right?” I nodded my head with a small smile on my face showing him a screen shot of my favorite villager.

“This is Dora. My brother and I both got lucky enough to have her on our islands. She’s a bookworm but is adorable. Every one of the characters has a little catchphrase that they use, her’s is squeaky.” I tried to explain to him but he just blinked at me in confusion.

“Hold on, I’ll show you! I already logged on this morning.” I turned on my yellow switch with a small smile on my face doing the familiar three taps and running around my island.

“Your island is called Magnolia?” I nodded my head with a small laugh rubbing the back of my neck a little bit.

“It’s a guilty pleasure show that my brother watches with me sometimes, it’s a fantasy magic anime called Fairy Tail. I thought that the name of the town was just adorable so I took it for the name of my island.” I kicked my webbed feet back and forth and found Dora.

“This is Dora, she’s a dorm mouse. She’s not the serious social type but she loves reading books and other things like that.” I went over to her and she did her catchphrase and I saw the realization go off on his face.

“Oh zat is quite adorable!! I can see why your brother and you have been so bonkers over this game.” I laughed a little bit because that was a way of describing things that only my uncle could do.

“Alright sorry for that little distraction let’s get back to work.” I cheered and he just smiled softly at me when I leaned against his side.

“We shall have to go out to ze mall later zis afternoon because I want to pick up a little something for you. A little surprise.” My heart started to beat more rapidly as I texted Gosalyn to let her know that everything had gone according to my plan that I made.

“What is it? What is it? What is it?” I asked him rapidly and he just laughed at me. He shook his head pressing a wing to his beck.

“That is for me to be knowing and for you to find out in a few hours. I still want to spend time with you in my own home.” He reminded me lightly squeezing my arm lightly where his was linked through. I pressed another piece of the puzzle into it’s rightful spot.

“Good job starchen!! You truly are a master of puzzles and thinking things through. I used to really struggle with zis when I was your age. They annoyed me because they took too much of my time.” I laughed a little bit at the idea of my uncle’s frustration. He used to be annoyed by a lot of things when he was younger before thankfully mellowing out as the years went on.

“I like things that help my brain to work. It’s why I love algebra, puzzles, and knitting so much. It’s busywork for my brain and it appreciates being used the way that it was intended.” I leaned a little bit further into his side just enjoying the quieter moments between us.

“Can I ask you a question starchen?” I made a soft sound that I was listening to him as I put another piece into it’s spot.

“Did you always feel zis way about Gosalyn? Or was it recent?” So, we were going to talk about the massive elephant in the room.

“It wasn’t the second I met her if that’s what you’re wondering. It was more of something that happened over time. If I had to put a specific time on my feelings for her I’d say New Years. Something changed around the holiday when I went to go and visit her with Launchpad. There was always just something about her that was different for me. I realized after that trip it was that she was just beautiful. There was no other rhyme or reason about it she just was. I feel like I can be myself around her and she won’t judge me for it or anything like that. I love her uncle…” My uncle looked at me with tears in his eyes and he wiped them away.

“Look at me, getting all emotional over my niece’s first brush with ze feelings. I knew zat there was something between ze two of you from the first second you told me about her. Your eyes just sort of went all soft and sparkly.” I handed him a handkerchief and he just smiled gratefully at me drying his eyes with the object.

“Zis is what I’ve always wanted for you. For you to feel comfortable enough to be with somebody else and to be happy.” He reminded me lightly and I looked up at him with a surprised expression on my face. I put my arm supportively around his shoulders.

“I didn’t think that it would ever happen to me if I’m being entirely honest. I have never felt this way about anyone else before. Not man, not woman, just Gosalyn. I know that I’m a lesbian because boys have just never done it for me. All of my fictional crushes have been on the same gender. Ever since I was little so there was always that little thing about me that was different. I just want to make her happy uncle. She’s everything that I’ve ever wanted.” He lightly kissed my forehead in understanding. I drank the rest of my hot chocolate that was in front of me.

“Do you want ze refill?” I nodded my head knowing that it would be too much sugar for me but I still wanted the extra pep anyways. I checked my phone seeing the encouraging response from Gosalyn that she was proud of me and that she loved me.

“There’s the happy smile that I was talking about. It lights up ze room. That’s how I had a feeling of what you were keeping from me.” I smiled a little bit sheepishly rubbing the back of my neck. The feeling of comfort and family always remained when I was here. It never failed to bring me back to my childhood since I spent so much of it sitting in these chairs, doing puzzles, drinking homemade hot chocolate, and just learning all that I could from my uncle in these chairs. I had spent my whole childhood coming here on the weekends and reading with him.

“I think that my brothers already know as well. They know me a bit too well, especially Louie. He’s definitely onto me and my attitude changes as of late. They’ve always called Gosalyn my girlfriend anyways as a joke.” My uncle thumbed a finger around my shoulder with an understanding smile on his face.

“But to you, zis is not a joking matter. You’re afraid zat they will make jokes about it.” I nodded my head and he just smiled at me.

“They won’t. Your brothers care about you more than anything in ze whole world. They do try and make jokes but they will see how important this is to you.” He reasoned and I smiled softly at my uncle who had only ever tried to encourage me to be myself.

“Thanks uncle, for helping me. That means more than you can ever know. You’ve always been so patient with me whenever my brain was running a million miles an hour.” I thanked him and he just kissed my forehead understandingly.

“You’ll always have me by your side starchen I promise. Nothing could ever tear me from it. Especially not a silly little nothing like what sexuality you would prefer to date. This is just another part of you that makes you wonderful. Zere is nothing wrong with it. You are perfectly normal.” Uncle Ludwig reminded me lightly pressing another piece into the puzzle as tears filled my eyes.

“You have no idea how much I needed to hear those words from you… to hear that you still accepted me even as this person that I am.” He just thumbed my tears away lightly making sure that there wasn’t anything that was wrong with me.

“Oh starchen don’t you start ze crying. Because if you start crying zen I’m going to start crying and then we’ll just have one big old mess.” I laughed watery at my uncle as I shook my head and just tried to stop the tears that badly wanted to flow like rain water.

“What other series have you been watching with Louie?” He asked me and I pressed another piece of the puzzle together.

“That’s really about it lately, it’s just been a lot of Dr Stone. I’m rewatching FullMetal for what feels like the trillionth time though. That’s been helping me out a lot through this whole process. I want to show it to Gosalyn.” I mentioned off handedly and my uncle nodded his head in understanding at the mention of my favorite show.

“Zat show is a big part of who you are. I recommend zat you do it because it’ll make her happy. Your sharing that part of your life with her.” I smiled softly thinking about how my girlfriend would react to me wanting to show her my favorite show.

“I think that she’d enjoy it. I’m still trying to get her through the whole Miyazaki library.” I laughed rubbing the back of my ponytail.

“Understandable, zos are some of your favorite movies. How many has she seen so far?” He asked me and I got out my phone to show him my list of movies.

“She’s gotten all the way through Howl’s Moving Castle. The next one that I want to show her is Ponyo. It’s okay, you took me to see that one remember? It was his rendition of The Little Mermaid.” I reminded him lightly of the fairy tale that he had taken me to see.

“I remember zat one… zat was a weird one.” I laughed a little bit at him as he pressed another into it’s rightful spot.

“It was a little bit strange but I don’t know. I still enjoyed it and thought that it was really cute. The first brush with love between the two younger main characters made it easier for me to swallow and less weird.” I reasoned since I would always have a soft spot for anything that he made. His movies had this ability to take me into another world and the older that I got the more I found myself getting lost in it.

“Your favorite is still ze Moving Castle yes?” I nodded my head getting out my sketchbook and showing him the latest painting that I had made.

“Oh starchen… it’s the most beautiful thing zat I have ever seen. You painted this all from your own memory?” I nodded my head playing with the hem of my ponytail ribbon a little bit nervously. I always got self conscious when I was showing something that I made, especially when that something was artwork.

“I figured that I’ve seen the movie enough times that I should know it like the back of my hand by now. I’ve always loved Howl’s secret garden and there was something about that always called out to me. I decided to paint it a few days ago and I just finished it last night.” My uncle carefully tore the page out of my sketchbook and scurried around his library.

“Where is zat empty frame…” He muttered to himself and he found the offending object that was hiding from his line of sight.

“I shall help you hang this when we go to McDuck manor for dinner tonight. This is something that you should be very proud of Sabrina. It is obvious that you worked extremely hard on it and long hours as well. I love it.” He praised and I just smiled softly at him looking at the frame. For the first time in a long time I thought proud of something that I had accomplished.

“I do too. It was fun for the first time in a while I enjoyed the painting process. It’s also one of the largest paintings that I’ve probably ever made as well.” He held it up in front of him and he just lightly thumbed over my shoulder.

“Then zat is progress!! I know zis is not something that you are very good at, taking ze praise. I’m often too good at it and my head gets too big.” I smiled softly adjusting my uncle’s spectacles on his face with a small smile.

“You do but that’s just a part of your lovable charm uncle. I know that you’ve worked on getting your ego trimmed down to size these last few years and I’m proud of you.” I reminded him for all the hard work that I knew he had done in order to get everything squared away.

“I think the last few inventions going slightly off the rails have rather helped to trim down my ego.” I smiled sadly at him squeezing his hand.

“You’re getting a little bit older and that’s okay. You have enough money to live comfortably. It doesn’t matter that the instant bandaid dispenser bit you in the ass metaphorically speaking. The apple peeler and hot chocolate maker still work!” I pushed a little bit further trying to hear that ho-ho-ho laugh that I loved so dearly. When I heard I instantly felt better.

“You are right starchen everything that I’ve made that worked these last few years has been something for you.” I settled against the back of the couch putting my cup of finished hot chocolate onto his table and taking the small side of fruit that was next to my sandwich.

“I put some nectarines into zat, it should be good. I got zem from ze farmers market ze other day. I also got you ze kettle corn. You can have it when I drop you off back at the manor.” I cheered at the mention of my favorite sweet/salty treat that I always shared with Dewey for our movie nights.

“Thanks uncle Ludwig, your contribution for me and Dew’s movie nights will be greatly appreciated.” I teased lightly and he just huffed a small sigh.

“Have you two been getting along better still?” I nodded my head getting out my phone and showing him the picture that Huey had taken of me asleep on my brother’s shoulder from yesterday’s movie night.

“We meet up once a week for movie nights still. They’re going rather well we switch off weeks so he just went yesterday. I get to go next week to have my movies that I want to watch. I still have no idea what I want to watch.” I shrugged my shoulders and my uncle just listened to me talk about the further development with the brother that had given me the most grief growing up.

“I’m glad zat you two seem to have worked out your issues as you got older. I told you zat he just needed to grow up and into himself before he realized what a mistake zat he was making.” I leaned against the couch kicking my legs back and forth.

“It’s the little things that he does that surprise me. Things like remembering my drink preference, my snack preference, and things like that. He used to not care about me at all so the little signs that he does now, they make me happy.” My relationship with my blue clad brother had come a long way from where it started.

“I am proud of you for working so hard to fix things with your brother. I know zat he hasn’t always made things easier for you to deal with. Zat’s why I’m proud of him for working so hard to mend what was broken.” My uncle reasoned with an understanding smile on his face and I looked over at him with a small question in my gaze.

“Now we’re talking about you and uncle Scrooge. I know that you two have had your disagreements and that he can be awful a lot of the time but deep down he cares about everyone in his life. Including you.” I reminded him lightly nudging his shoulder with a small smile on my face.

“You are right starchen I was referring to your other uncle. We’ve disagreed a lot over the course of my marriage to his sister but through it all he’s at least tried to be there for me since you came into his life.” I listened to him talk about my other uncle that was sitting back at home in his mansion.

“He’s been trying to get to know me a little bit better over these last years. I’m happy living with him I really am. Adventure is always right around the corner for me and that’s part of the fun of the thing for me. I love adventure and I’ve always wanted to have my own. When I was younger I was satisfied with just reading fantasy novels but then I wanted to have my own.” I leaned my head against his side lightly as I talked about the dream that I had when I was younger.

“I know zat was your ultimate goal in life was ago lead your own adventure. I’m just happy zat you were able to achieve it.” He encouraged me the same way that he always had but with that kindhearted edge that he did everything else.

“I think that I’ve learned a lot underneath uncle Scrooge. About how to handle myself and get myself out of a bad situation. I admired that a lot about Webby at first.” My uncle got up from the sofa taking the plates downstairs and came back checking his pocket watch.

“We shall need to go in a little while to hit everything that we want to. The bakery said zat the cake wouldn’t take too long actually. Zey have done that sort of thing before I presume.” I couldn’t help the tears in my eyes as I quickly dried them away.

“Thank you again uncle Ludwig, for the cake and for everything else that you’ve done for me.” I thanked him and he just lightly ruffled my hair with a small smile.

“It is no need for ze thanking. Not if I wanted to do it and if I wanted to see your little face light up with happiness.” He reasoned with a small smile on his face as he sat down next to me and I put one last piece into the puzzle.

“So where exactly are we going on this extravaganza?” I asked him and he just smiled softly at me gathering his own satchel that matched my own.

“Just to ze mall. Zere are some things that I want to pick out for you.” I cocked my head to the side but shrugged it off just wanting to see where this day would get me.

“I’ll take these books with me as well. I’ll probably start reading one of them in the car.” I saw my uncle smile softly at me kissing my forehead.

“Don’t give yourself ze migraine. Zat will not help you out in ze future. You need to be on your best health for dinner tonight.” I sighed a little bit knowing my uncle was right but not wanting to admit defeat. I didn’t want to have this talk with my other uncles, Daisy, or my brothers. What if they didn’t like what they saw or what they heard?

“I know zat you are nervous about it. But sometimes ze things that we are most nervous about are ze things that we need to ze most. You can do zis. I know zat you can.” He encouraged me with an understanding smile on his face. He squeezed my hand softly and I just sighed.

“Okay you’re right as usual.” He laughed at me in his typical fashion that lit me up inside. I grabbed my yellow satchel that had everything that I needed inside of it.

“You forget starchen I’m right all the time. It’s just zat you and I think about things in a different way than everybody else.” I laughed a little bit at him taking the books anyways and finding them a safe spot inside of my backpack.

“Yeah, yeah I know. I’ll remind you of that the next time that you wear those crazy goggles.” I teased a little bit and he just stuck his tongue childishly at me.

“Zey protect me from ze sparks we’ve talked about zis.” I laughed openly at him as he held the door to the library for me.

“I know I’m just messing with you uncle. Come on, it’s already nearly afternoon and the mall is kinda far from here.” I reminded him lightly knowing not knowing where in the world he had planned on taking the two of us yet.

“It’s just a few errands some things for tonight that I can help you hang up in your bedroom.” I got into his old car that smelled like so many afternoons spent together. I remembered when I was younger and he would take me to the aquarium and teach me about all the fish that were out there in the world.

“I haven’t taken you on an outing in a really long time. Not since you started your lessons with me.” He carefully pulled out of the driveway and I still wondered where in the world we were going and why it was to the mall.

“I missed our old outings. I remember when you used to take me to the aquarium and taught me about all the different kinds of fish that they have there.” I laughed a little bit at the memory since it was of something that seemed so simple.

“You were so cute when you were zat age. Not that you aren’t adorable now but it was different when you were younger. You used to look at everything with little stars in your eyes.” I smiled softly at my best friend and the uncle that had been there for me when I was younger. He was always there for me whenever I needed for him to be.

“I love you uncle Ludwig…” He smiled softly at me running a hand through the fringe that was at the front of my ponytail.

“I love you too so very much mein starchen.” He reminded me lightly as the red light turned green and I watched the rest of the world go by outside my car door. When I saw our large mall and I quickly was led behind him to a store that I had only ever seen before when I looked around with my brother’s.

“Uncle Ludwig… this is…” Pride store was written in bright booming colors at the top. I saw all the colors that were on the flags.

“Come on Sabrina, let’s get you some things for your bedroom.” He put his arm around my shoulders encouragingly.

“Hi! How can I help you both?” I heard the familiar sounds of Freedom ’90 instantly playing inside of the store.

“Hello ‘dere this is my great niece. She just came out to me and I wanted to get her some zings for her bedroom.” My uncle explained to her and I saw the worker’s eyes fill with tears as she looked away from me and a man sighed.

“Forgive my girlfriend, she can be a lot and very emotional. What exactly were you both looking for?” I saw a trans pin on his jacket and I instantly took a deep breath.

“I have a girlfriend in St. Canard. I’m a lesbian and I just came out to him earlier today. I’m doing the rest of my family over dinner tonight. He’s my great uncle and has been my teacher since I was younger.” I mentioned my relation to my uncle who was already looking at everything that he could.

“Is he, a lot?” I nodded my head with a small laugh just looking around my surroundings. The first thing that stood out to me was a lesbian pride flag that I could hang above my bed.

“Oh that’s a really popular pride flag! We make all our pride flags here in house if you wanted something unique written on it I can sew it on or my girlfriend can.” He told me with a small understanding smile getting the material down for me as I looked at it.

“It’s beautiful…” I trailed off but the worker got down another flag with a small smile on his face as he unwoven it in front of me.

“This one is for the feminine presenting lesbians out there. People like my girlfriend, it’s called femme. You look to be the type that puts a lot of care into your appearance so that’s why I think that this one suits you best.” He reasoned and I nodded my head feeling the texture of the flag. Even though I knew that nobody would know what this flag meant, I would. I’d have to explain it a lot more but I’d like that. I wanted to be open about my sexuality and the way that it made me feel personally.

“What’s that you zere?” My uncle asked me and I showed him the two flags that I had found for my bedroom.

“That’s the stereotypical lesbian flag right there and that’s the femme flag sir. What that means is that’s what my girlfriend identifies as. It’s the lesbians that put a lot of care and love into their appearance. She can’t leave the house and come to the store if she’s not looking her absolute best.” The woman in question put her hands on her hips.

“I see how it is, you’re just going to trash talk me. Well I’m not falling for it mister. Come here sweetie, let’s see if we can’t find some other things that you’ll enjoy.” The woman took my hand while my uncle looked at the flags before nodding his head.

“You’re very lucky, to have somebody who loves you that much. He’s willing to work to understand somebody that he’s not even that closely related to. He’s your great uncle?” I nodded my head with a small smile on my face.

“I know zat I’m lucky to have him. He’s taught me so much about understanding others and he’s always tried to understand me as well. He works really hard, he’s an inventor even if he’s way past his prime.” I explained about what he did for a living and she just listened to me.

“I think that’s amazing that he cares so much about his great niece. A lot of older people don’t really take the time to understand us youngsters and our orientations. I wanted to show you this! If I know a good femme when I see one you love stuffed animals right?” I nodded my head enthusiastically and she brought down a rainbow bear and a lesbian colored one.

“We also have really soft sweaters and long sleeved shirts for all the sexualities.” I looked at the lesbian one picking it up off the rack.

“I want this one, it’s really pretty.” The worker just smiled at me as I picked up that one and the femme bear that was soft to the touch.

“I think that your great uncle is getting both of those flags for you.” My heart melted seeing him at the cash register waving his hands around as he told eccentric stories.

“He can pretty much talk to anyone for three minutes and they’ll be friends. It’s one of the things that I’ve always admired about him.” I went over to him and he just lightly picked up the two things that I had found not even batting an eye as he paid for everything.

“Now zat’s out of ze way, let’s go to ze bakery and zen to ze manor.” I smiled softly at him as we went back to the car.

“You didn’t have to get me both of those flags uncle Ludwig…” I trailed off and he just smiled at me brightly.

“I did too, zey made you happy and what makes my niece happy I have to purchase. Zat’s the motto for today.” I smiled softly at him as we drove down to the bakery. The smell of sugar cookies, brownies and baked goods instantly hit my nose as I took a picture of the flag cookie to send to Gosalyn. I told myself that I would need to stop her before my flight next month to St. Conard so that me and her could try some.

“Starchen? I got ze goods, come along. It is time to meet up at the manor. Ze sun is nearly setting, time really does fly when you’re having fun.” I took the cake from him lightly carrying it out to the car where all the rest of the items were.

“Well we did spend most of the day shopping at the mall and doing that puzzle. We didn’t even come close to getting the puzzle a quarter of the way done. More for next time?” I offered and he nodded his head getting the car door for me.

“We will definitely do more of ze puzzle next time. I think zat you need a little bit of a break. We don’t want to tire your poor little brain out.” I chuckled lightly at him blowing the fringe out of my eyes. The drive to the manor was spent mostly in companionable silence. I saw Dewey practicing his basketball on the front driveway again.

“Hey Dew!” I waved to my younger brother and I watched as the ball went into the basket when my brother turned around.

“Hey!! How was your day, learn anything cool?” He asked me enthusiastically and I smiled softly at him. Recently his favorite thing had been me second hand teaching him things that would help him on his own homework.

“Sorry to say zat today was one of her free days where I don’t teach her anything. We have zem once a month so zat she can get a break and not overwork herself.” Dewey took the cake from my hands and tried to open it when I glared at him.

“No peaking at the dessert I see you. Stop that right now, the dessert is a surprise.” I warned him lightly taking it from him knowing that the curiosity would only make him want to look more.

“What could be so secret about cake?” I sighed a little bit playing with the hem of my dress skirt and he just put his arm around my shoulders.

“Want to tell me what’s been going on with you? You’re doing it again, closing yourself up into your own little shell. I thought that you weren’t going to do that again?” He reminded me and I just sighed heavily nodding my head.

“I’ll tell you once we’ve all seated for dinner. I want to tell this to everyone at one time. Uncle Ludwig already knows since I spent the day with him. The cake has something to do with that since I couldn’t stop him from buying it.” Dewey nodded his head in understanding lightly shoving my shoulder with a small smile.

“I think I already have a decent idea of what it is and I’m totally fine with it. If she makes you happy then that’s great. You deserve somebody that could make you happy. I’ve been questioning lately myself which sex I prefer as well. You might not be the only queer sibling.” He joked a little bit and I blinked at my brother as we went inside the manor. I saw uncle Ludwig get everything out of the car and discreetly carry it up to my bedroom.

“He bought you a bunch of things didn’t he?” I nodded my head with a small laugh rubbing the back of my neck with a small smile.

“Yeah that’s pretty much what happened. We spent hours at the mall today and he pretty much bought me an entire store. He spoils me a lot more than I deserve.” Dewey just laughed a little bit at me helping me to carry the cake into the kitchen.

“Hey Lou! I’m back you lazy bum, have you even moved today?” I teased lightly and he just flipped me off from the couch.

“How was your day?” I sat down next to him and I put my feet over his lap with a small smile on my face.

“It was good! I spent the day with uncle Ludwig and we did a lot of fun things together. Are you hungry yet?” He nodded his head putting up his switch for the day and stretching his arms with a small sigh as the joints popped.

“Dinner is ready family.” Uncle Donald called from the dining room and I just sighed a little bit. It was better to just do it now and get it over with. Ripping it off like a bandaid and then having their ridicule and judgement for the rest of my life if that’s what happened.

“Sabrina are you hungry?” Mrs. Beckley asked me and I nodded my head with a small smile on my my face.

“Yes I am! I haven’t eaten truly since breakfast today.” She led all of us into the dining room where my uncle Scrooge was sitting at the front of the table. I kissed his cheek with a small smile on my face.

“Hello lass, how was your day?” I nodded my head just sitting at the his right side with uncle Ludwig next to me.

“Do you want to hold my hand starchen?” My uncle murmured with a small smile in his face. I leaned my head against his shoulder with a small smile back.

“I know that a lot of you have been worried about me for the last month or so. I just want to let you know that there isn’t anything wrong with me living here. That’s not the problem. It has nothing to do with any of you. Family, I’m a lesbian. I’ve been dating Gosalyn for the last month and a half.” I admitted the thing that I had been hiding from everyone and I saw Dewey make a small fist bump.

“That’s it? That’s all that you wanted to tell us? Lass, we already figured that you had more than friendship feelings for your best friend. At least I did. What about you Donald?” My uncle Donald swept me into a big hug.

“Sabrina I’ve always loved you just the way that you were. The you that would hide herself away and read her books, the you that would play her violin only in the privacy of her own room, and the you that looked at Gosalyn like she hung you the moon stars. She makes you happy. I am so proud of you for telling me.” He encouraged me thumbing away the tears and my mom just wrapped her arms around the two of us tightly.

“I love you, so much Sabrina. There isn’t a thing wrong with you for feeling the way that you do about Gosalyn. Everyone in the world has someone that can match them. I genuinely think that she is yours.” My heart warmed into my chest and I looked over at Louie who had an understanding look in his eyes.

“I get why you kept it from us. You were scared that you would be rejected.” I nodded my head and Huey just ran to give me a tight hug.

“You’re still my favorite sibling sis, I’ll always think that you are. This is just another thing that I can add to the list of things about you that are amazing!” Huey had always been the brother that was closest to me and I watched Dewey bite his lower lip.

“She’s not the only one that’s not straight. I’m still trying to figure my sexuality out but I know that it isn’t just girls that I like.” Webby just squeezed my hand with a small smile. I knew that this was the happiest that I would ever be. Everyone in my family had accepted me the way that I wanted to be and the way that I was. And what in the world could have been better than that?

#DuckTales fic #ludwig von drake #ocs #writing #fanfic #requests

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surveys-at-your-service · 4 years ago

Text

Survey #299

“you look so beautiful tonight / reminds me how you laid us down and gently smiled before you destroyed my life.”

Ever done any drugs? Besides alcohol, no. How many people have you kissed? Three or four. What’s your favorite show to binge? I could only ever willingly *binge* Meerkat Manor and not get bored after like, two episodes. Do you watch porn? No, it's never appealed to me. What’s one of your fantasies? Being financially stable. :^) Do you have/would you get your nipples pierced? I've lightly considered getting one, but I really doubt I ever will. What’s the most overrated movie? /shrug. Let people like what they like. Tag someone you want to talk to but have been too shy to message. I'd love to get to know my Facebook acquaintance Courtlynn better; I've wanted to for a long time. I think we could be fantastic friends. We'll like each other's stuff regularly and occasionally leave comments, but we don't really talk. Do you like paper books or ebooks better? Paper ones, by a long shot. I just really like the feeling of a book and being able to clearly see how far in you are. I enjoy the smell and sound of turning pages. If you could live in a fictional world, what world would you pick? Probably Wonderland, realistically. I would say Azeroth, but too much world-threatening shit goes on every day lol. If money was no object, what would your wardrobe be like? G O T H Do you still have feelings for any of your exes? Yep. Do you drink? Very, very rarely. Almost exclusively during celebrations or on the once in a blue moon occasion we go to a sit-down restaurant. Do you read erotica? No. It would make me super uncomfortable. What color was the last candle you lit? I don't remember at all. Do you own a treadmill? No, but I want one. Have you ever signed up for a gym membership? Well, not exactly me. Mom and Nicole both had memberships to Planet Fitness, and I was able to come as a guest. It was just cheaper that way. What color was the last fish you had? That I owned or ate? Either way, idr. Is there a garbage can in your room? What color is it? No. If you play The Sims, do you download custom clothes, hair, etc? I don't play it. Does your animal sleep with you? Roman does, yes. He legitimately spoons with me lmao. Sometimes he'll move to the bottom of the bed, other times he'll sleep through most of the night there. Have you ever had to wear a hairnet? Yes. What is your favorite song to play on Guitar Hero or Rock Band? "Hotel California" by The Eagles on expert is so much fun and just feels good. The ending solo is just great. When you drink chocolate milk do you just buy the jug of it or the syrup that you can put into the milk? Almost always just the chocolate syrup. Do you own a robe? What color is it? No. What’s the worst abuse you have done to your phone? I know I've thrown it across the room once. Well, not my current phone, but a really old one. How did you meet your first love? High school. Well, you could maybe say Facebook. He sent me a friend request and I literally only accepted it because I thought it was another Jason. We talked via messenger some and then we ran into each other at school, and tbh I kinda knew I was fucked from there lmao. Have you ever worn the opposite sex’s underwear? I don't believe so, no. Have you ever kissed in a pool? Yeah. Are there any hobbies you have that you don’t perform in front of others? I absolutely cannot write in front of others, and I HATE drawing when people are watching. What do you do when you simply don’t know what to do? Odds are I'll probably be scraping the bottom of the barrel to find something in WoW that sounds even remotely fun, or I'll browse Facebook. How did you find out about your current favorite band? He's one of my mom's favorite singers/bands, so I grew up with some of his music, and when I was getting into rock and metal, I decided to go through her music case and listen to some of it. Ozzy's Black Rain album set the adoration into motion. Where are you most likely to go when you need clothing? The Internet or Wal-Mart, depending on what kind of clothes I need. When was the last time you tried to do something yet failed? I should have an answer for this very quickly... yet I'm unsure. I don't think anything *major* has happened in a while. Oh, this is a tiny thing, but I did look really hard for the pencil sharpener so my niece could finish coloring her drawing, but I couldn't find the damn thing for anything. Do you think your life is comprised more of success or failure? Lots and lots of failure. What’s one personality trait that’s not strong in you? Uhhh outgoing, ig. Are you a difficult individual to get to know? Considering I hide a lot about myself to try and be accepted, yes. When was the last time you opened up to someone and about what? Literally yesterday to my mom about this unreasonably massive fear I've had lately that she doesn't have much longer in her. I'm terrified she's going to get COVID or her cancer just comes back faster than we hope. To whom do you feel the most important? My mom. Is there something you want but might not ever have? Many things. What’s something you’re working to obtain? Mental stability. Do you tend to enjoy your dreams? No, considering they're usually violent and rarely just psychotic nightmares. Are there any projects or goals you’ve recently abandoned? Hm. What in life serves to keep you going? The hope it'll get better, and I'll reach a point of actually being happy and content with my life. What was the last good news you received? Nicole's trip to Maryland to bring back a baby was successful (if that sounds weird, she's a child social worker). He has a heart condition where if his heartbeat or something like that was irregular, she'd have driven all the way up there for nothing; the baby wouldn't have been able to take the ride. Are you more inclined to appreciate sweet or savory foods? Sweet. Are romantic relationships important to you at this point in your life? I mean I'd like to be in one, but I highly doubt it'd be successful, just given where I am in life. I'd be signing up for heartbreak. Who was the last person to apologize to you for something they did? I don't know. Probably Mom for something minor, like just bumping into me or something. Are you wearing a necklace, and if so, who got it for you? No. What’s the most embarrassing thing you’ve done lately? Lately? Uh. I don't know, but I can guarantee to you it wasn't long ago at all, considering breathing embarrasses me, pretty much. Do you ‘think out loud’? Sometimes. Do you take gummy vitamins? No. How do you know the majority of the people you know? Former schools. Hell, or maybe various online locations. I just might have more online friends and acquaintances than in-person. Is there a random object you own that has a huge personal significance? I've talked about my pebble from my partial hospitalization program enough. Can you play electric guitar? I used to be able to play a little bit; I took guitar lessons for a short while in high school. Best I could do was the intro to "Crazy Train," but I'd still occasionally mess up. Are you one of those people who chew two pieces of gum, not one? Usually. Do you believe in ghosts/supernatural occurrences? Yes. Without the aid of mascara, do you have long eyelashes? Yeah. Is there a kind of music you listen to that helps you release your anger? Yes, usually songs that are also angry. How does it make you feel looking at pics with your ex and someone else? The only case this has ever happened was with Jason and his gf after me. There are no words to describe the fucking hatred I felt. I haven't seen pictures of him with an s/o in a long time, and I absolutely never plan on seeking them out ever again. What song are you listening to right now? "Rest In Pieces" by Saliva. If you’re not in college, why? I couldn't handle the stress anymore. Just couldn't. Do you own a studded belt from Hot Topic? I have a good number of old ones from high school, actually. I wore them all the time. I could never fit into them now. Favorite fictional character? Um, Darkiplier, duh. Most recent thing you are looking forward to? I think it's finally set in stone that I'm getting my tattoo redone soon. Thanks to my laptop saying "ha fuck you," it's not as soon as I originally planned since I had to pay to fix it, but Mom seems fine with helping me pay for my birthday. Not a guarantee that it'll happen on that date of course, given scheduling, but yeah. It should fucking finally be happening. How many stairs can you climb before you wanna pass out? This is too embarrassing to even answer lmao. Have you ever kissed someone with braces? No. Would you ever consider adoption? I don't want kids, and even if I did, I probably wouldn't. I feel like I'd personally need the "wow this is a part of me (and/or my s/o)" connection. Do you ever go hunting/fishing? I would never go hunting, and the only occasion in which I'd fish again is if Dad asked me. I don't like the idea of fishing for fun anymore, but that's like... always been our bonding experience, and I wouldn't tell him no. Do you know anyone who plays guitar? Knew. What are you currently sitting/laying on? My bed. Who are your godparents? I don't think I have any. Do you have any friends who are famous? I have two friends who are parts of bands, but idk how successful they are. I don't think either are like, huge. Nova Mortis if you're into heavy metal and I think Toukan does rap? When was the last time you stayed at a hotel? Hm. I have no idea. What side of a heart do you draw first? Uhhhh I think the left? What is your mom saved as in your phone? "Mama Bear." Do you want your tongue pierced? I had snake eyes for a while, but I took them out because I kept chipping my teeth. I miss that piercing, it was so cute, but it wasn't worth ruining my teeth. Ever made out in a pool? It's possible very briefly, idr. Do you like to have long hair or short hair? SHORT. SHORT. SHORT. Do you change your phone background a lot? Not really. Would you get back with your last ex if you could? Yeah. Have you ever been strip searched? No. Has the person you like ever seen you in your pajamas? Yes. What is your least favorite type of chocolate? White chocolate is way too sweet. Did anyone see your last kiss? It was at an airport, so probably. Do you want a boyfriend or girlfriend? I mean, I do, but I don't really know how smart it would be right now. Is there anyone you wish you could fix things with? A few. Who IMed you on Facebook last? My friend Girt. Were you kinda scared of the goths in high school? Hell naw man, I looked up to them lmao. What size is your mattress? (single,twin,double,queen,king) Queen. Do you like spaghetti? Hell yeah. It was my favorite food as a kid. What about lasagna? No; I don't like the cheese at all. Have you ever been stung by anything? What was it? Mosquitoes of course, as well as a bee once. Maybe other things, idk. Have you ever worn contacts? (even just to try them out) Yes, but I changed to glasses because I had too much trouble putting them in and taking them out. Have you ever had any suspicious moles removed? No. Have you ever been screened for STDs? No. Did you have your tonsils taken out? No. Did you have your appendix taken out? No. Do you have any collector’s glasses or cups or mugs? What is a "collector's" glass or mug? Were you your parents’ first born? No; I'm the middle child. Do you have a child? Is the father still with you? No. Were you born perfectly healthy or with some (or a lot) of health issues? I was born healthy. Good 'ole days. Did you ever catch any bugs or insects with your friends as a kid? Ohhhh yes, my neighbor and I loved doing that. My favorite was catching fireflies with my sisters, though. Would you prefer to travel around the world by yourself or with a friend? With a friend. I'd get lonely. Do you know anybody who has been diagnosed with cancer? A whole lot, sadly... I'm despising that disease more and more every day that goes by. I know far too many people who have it or have died at its hands. Have you ever had to take care of an intoxicated person? No. Do you and your boyfriend/girlfriend fight a lot? N/A. Do not stay in a relationship where fighting is common. Would you ever share a site password with a family member or partner? I mean sure, depending on the site and person, and the reason they (may) need it. Has anyone ever told you they couldn't trust you? Hm... I actually don't think so? Who in your family has the prettiest eyes? Idk, I don't see enough of my extended family to know. What is an odd food item you would like to try, or have tried? I'm sure there's something I'd like to try, but nothing I think about with consistency, really... Most "odd" food I find unappealing anyway. When/if you drive, do you go the speedlimit? When I did, I certainly always tried to, but I was bad at maintaining a stable speed. I went up and down too much. Are you an aggressive driver? Or more passive-aggressive? I was dangerously passive at driving. Describe a hairstyle you had as a little kid? Well, I had long hair with bangs. What routine of yours would you most hate to break? Probably stopping getting a soda first thing in the morning... That is like so deeply ingrained into my day and is a motivator to get up in the first place. I want to change this to where I'm not allowed to grab one until I've had a full cup of water, but yeah, that hasn't happened yet. Has jealousy ever ruined one of your friendships/relationships? Honestly? I think it's possible that Jason totally split on me because of it. We were in this very unstable "friends" position after the breakup and hung out very briefly and awkwardly twice (which I'm pretty sure he didn't want), and I think one of our last attempts at conversation was who a girl he was talking to via Messenger was. No, before any assumptions are made, I didn't snoop. He showed me something on his phone and I just inevitably saw the little Facebook chat icon of a girl I didn't recognize. I don't even remember his answer. I just know it wasn't too long later I was blocked and everything. What is one restaurant you would NOT recommend? I personally am not a Chili's fan. What was your last conversation about? Mom and I were just talking about what a mush the cat is, haha. Who is your favorite person to debate or discuss with? Yo fuck debates, I got mad anxiety over that kind of stuff. Are you more likely to praise or insult yourself? Why? Insult. I don't even believe myself when I try praising, so it's not worth the effort. I have a billion and two reasons. Do you enjoy cloudy days? Why or why not? Honestly, not very much anymore. I've found that it actually does affect my mood. I like some cloud coverage, though. Would it bother you to be forgotten after death? Yes, even though when you think about it, most of us will be. I want to do stomething so badly; not even particularly something major, but just contribute to things and causes that matter and slowly change the world for the better. It's especially likely I will be forgotten though at some point because I don't want kids, so my blood isn't carrying on. Do you tend to prefer healthy or unhealthy snacks? Ugh, unhealthy. Has anyone ever asked you for diet advice? I think so, back when I started recovery and lost like 60 lbs fast as fuck. I wasn't even dieting though, just... came off awful meds. What age is your youngest aunt? Ummmm I have no clue. Do you like bowling? Yeah, it's fun, but I'm not good at it. Do you like roasting marshmallows on a bonfire? Totally. Do you prefer sweet or sour fruits? Sweet. How're your dancing skills? Rusted to the point of just not functional anymore lmao. What brand of batteries do you usually get? I don't pay attention to the kind Mom gets. Are any of your friends pregnant or have kids? A lot of my FB friends have kids. At least two are pregnant, but I only consider myself remotely close to one. I'm beyond worried about how she's going to be as a mom. Where's the strangest place a fast food restaurant was located? I've certainly seen some questionable placement in busy areas, but none that are super odd. Do you stay up all night on New Years Eve/Day or go to bed after 12am? I don't care nowadays; I just stay up until I'm tired like every other night.

#survey #surveys #questions #questionnaire #lyrics: ''rest in pieces'' by saliva

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iamtheblondestblonde · 5 years ago

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Slides and Serendipity

Part 6 (4.2k)

Masterlist

AN: Back to back updates what is going on and also happy reading. I hope everyone is doing okay during quarantine

Warnings: pretty sure there’s some language in there but who is even surprised anymore

I was really excited to finally see Mia again because she was this amazingly sweet girl. She’d moved to New York in pursuit of her career as a graphics designer after graduating and then contact had fizzled out not soon after.

That was the sad part about graduating. It was impossible to keep up with everyone because after years of spending so much time together everyone was starting their own lives. We all got caught up in our own things and I lost touch with many great people from college. I always told myself I’d reach out when things would quiet down but at this point it would mostly be awkward.

I arrived a little early at the restaurant and asked for a table where I could watch the door so I could wave Mia over. She arrived not soon after, a bright smile on her face as soon as she spotted me. She looked good, still perfectly styled and her make up on point. She’d lost her baby face like most of us by now and her look was more sophisticated but overall I’d have recognized her anywhere.

“How is it possible that you’re even hotter now than you were three years ago?”, she greeted me with a laugh and I joined her, standing up to hug her tightly. She was taller than me, even with the heeled booties I wore, her model height had always had her towering over everyone else in our girl gang during college.

“You’re one to talk, I’m pretty sure your boobs make every porn star jealous at this point.”

��Don’t even get me started on these babies, my back is killing me to the point that I’m actually considering a reduction. I’d rather have your boobs, big enough to turn heads but not to the point where they’re constantly fighting gravity.” She winked at me and gave me a playful once over, an approving look on her face.

“God I’ve missed you. Now we only need Lisa to complete the Holy European Trinity so we can wreak havoc over this city”, I sighed and she agreed before sitting back down. With Mia’s cute Irish accent and Lisa’s passionate Italian heritage we’d turned quite a few heads during our time in college but we’d all been very picky with our choices.

“Perhaps it’s good that she’s still in Denver, Dallas can’t handle all three of us.”

We ordered our drinks and then quickly decided on sharing one of the menus the restaurant offered for couples. She was about to show me something on her phone when I did a double take at her background picture.

“Holy shit you have a son?!”, I exclaimed, looking at the picture of a toddler in her arms. It had to be her son, the resemblance was uncanny even if he didn’t share her red locks.

“Yeah this is Elias, he just turned two. I totally forgot that we stopped talking right before I found out that I was pregnant”, she said sheepishly and I couldn’t believe it. Here I was, 25 and enjoying the single life while one of my closest friends from college had started a family. I couldn’t spot a wedding ring on her finger though and while I usually wouldn’t dare ask this question in most cases, Mia and I had shared far more personal details before.

“Who’s the dad, the guy you met at the supermarket?” I was pretty sure that she mentioned liking this guy but I could be wrong, it had been a while after all.

“No not him, some guy I met before him but he doesn’t even know that I got pregnant after hooking up. Supermarket guy fled as soon as I told him that I was three months pregnant and that it wasn’t his. It’s been Elias and I ever since but now I moved back so my parents could watch their grandchild grow up, they always complained about not seeing him enough.”

“He’s too cute, such a stud already because he gets his looks from you. I really want to meet the little guy, I’ll be the best auntie ever since he doesn’t have any real ones. And if you ever need a babysitter I’d love to watch him”, I said excitedly. I loved kids but wasn’t ready to have any on my own, besides the fact that I also didn’t have a baby daddy in sight either. Mia was an only child so I’d decided that it was now my responsibility to spoil her kid.

“He’s with my parents right now but I’ll come visit with him sometime next week if you want.”

I agreed of course and then she told me all about him until our food arrived. Elias sounded hilarious and I already loved him without ever having met him. I waited until after we finished eating to talk to her about what I really wanted.

“I don’t know if Lisa told you anything yet, but I’m starting my own business and I really want you to work with me. I want you to be in charge of the graphics and we can get started as soon as I find someone else to help me with the coding because I have so many requests lined up I can’t do them all by myself.”

“Yeah she hinted at something like that. What kind of stuff would you want me to do and where would we work?”, she asked and I knew that I had her.

“At first I was planning on renting an office somewhere downtown but then I realized that that would be wasted time and money. I have a big house now so I turned one of the big rooms into an office with a conference table and everything. The table is set to be delivered tomorrow and then we’re ready to move in. The designs are really up to you, of course there are requests but you know best so I won’t meddle in any of that.”

She asked me how we’d do it payment wise but I knew that unless I’d really screw her over in that department, which I would never do, she’d agree.

“Okay I’ll do it. And I might also have someone to help you with the programming part. His name is Jason and he works with me right now. He’s really good and also knows a thing or two about marketing if you ever want to fly solo again and if that doesn’t convince you already, his wife Madelyn rivals your cooking skills so there’s always going to be amazing lunch to go around.”

I’d been convinced that she’d agree, yet I couldn’t help the feeling of relief coursing through me right now. I’d tried to convince Lisa to move with me but she didn’t want to leave her family in Denver behind and I understood that. Now I’d have Mia by my side at least.

I’d moved to Texas to be closer to the Bumble headquarters, finally feeling ready to step up again but ultimately liking Dallas better than Austin. Most of the meetings could be done via Skype and for everything else I’d just have to bear the drive down.

“Do you think this Jason will go for my offer?”, I asked unsure, Mia was my friend so perhaps she was more inclined to leave her safe office job for a startup business but I didn’t know this guy.

“Of course, especially with what you’re offering to pay. He wouldn’t pass up the opportunity to work with the Olivia Haller either, you’re famous in our circles. Plus he’s probably sick of following orders too, I know I am at least.”

Tonight couldn’t have gone any better and I was so happy. Mia decided to call this Jason on the spot and I talked to him for a bit before inviting him over to the office at the beginning of next week. I trusted Mia’s judge of character but I still wanted to see if he really was a good fit because I really wanted this to work.

She had to leave a while later to pick up Elias and we agreed that she’d be there for the meeting with Jason so I would see her in a few days again. I hugged her tightly as we said our goodbyes, happy to be reunited with an old friend.

Tyler texted me on Saturday morning to see if I wanted to hand out with him tonight, but I told him that I’d already made plans with the girls to go out.

Tyler: See I told you that my friends like you better than me already. They’ve never asked me to go out with them

Me: Maybe they’re afraid that you’ll hit on them

Tyler: Very funny but probably also true

I laughed at his response because at least he was honest with himself, something that I really liked. He knew he’d fucked up before and wasn’t shy about admitting his mistakes.

Katie had told me to dress up for the club we’d be going to and I picked out a satin wrap-style dress that I’d loved in the store but never had the chance to wear since. The material was so soft and flowy that I couldn’t stop my hands from running over it. I even took the time to do my make up properly, gluing on fake lashes and applying bold red lipstick, a color that I’d come to love over the past few years.

I looked hot and after I sent a pic in the group chat Lisa told me to get some tonight so I could get sleeping with Tyler out of my head. I told her that I’d think about it but I already knew that I probably wouldn’t do it because I’d never been a fan of one night stands. I also didn’t want to pursue a hookup in front of Katie and the other girls, that would be a little weird after all.

After thanking my Uber driver I got out and spotted the girls immediately. I recognized Katie, Dominika and Alandra but there were three other girls I hadn’t met before.

“Liv I want you to meet Anna, Fanny and Taylor. Girls this is Liv, the one that has Tyler going absolutely crazy”, Katie introduced everyone and I had to laugh at the last part because I knew that she couldn’t be telling the truth.

Tyler was so chill with me lately I couldn’t imagine him ever losing his head over anyone, especially me. The only apparent lapse in his judgement had been at the party but ever since he’d only been friendly with perhaps a touch of affectionate.

The cold breeze that hit our exposed legs quickly made all of us walk inside, where we were immediately greeted by thumping music and bodies writhing to the beat.

“Drinks first?”, someone shouted and we all nodded, slowly making our way over to the bar. Even with my heels on I was still smaller than most and I was nearly hit in the face by elbows more than once. I didn’t mind masses of people per se, but I didn’t like the feeling of people closing in on me to the point of me feeling like Jon Snow at the end of season six.

The bar was crowded and I knew that there was no point of me being the one up front ordering. Usually I flirted with the bartenders to get my drinks faster but there were so many tall guys that no barkeeper would even be able to see me throwing a smile at him.

Dominika soon turned around with two glasses of Tequila for everyone and we quickly downed them. We ordered some more drinks and then set out to find a booth so we could relax for a bit before we’d make our way to the dance floor. I’d ordered a beer instead because I knew that the small opening of the bottle made it harder to slip something in when dancing, something I had to learn the hard way. Unless I knew that I could leave my drink and that it would be watched I always stuck with beer and shots.

Tonight seemed to be our night because just as we walked over another group of girls abandoned their booth to go dance and we quickly slid in, spreading around the table. I tried my best to ignore the disgusting sticky surface in front of me and joined the conversation on which type of heels was best suited to go clubbing.

Eventually I got up to order more rounds of shots for us, this time determined that the barkeeper would notice me. I found a free spot next to a big guy and waved over to the barkeeper, giving him my brightest smile. My plan worked as he immediately came over, abandoning a group of guys to my left.

“Two rounds of tequila for seven please”, I yelled over the loud music and he winked at me with a flirty smile.

“Add that to my tab Jake”, the tall guy on my left said as the barkeeper asked for my credit card. I quickly hid the black piece of plastic back in my tiny purse and looked up at the guy for the first time. He was decently handsome but I didn’t like the way he smiled at me though, as if offering to pay for the drinks was the single greatest thing to have ever been achieved by mankind.

I wouldn’t turn down free shots though so I gave him a coy smile and thanked him before grabbing the tray and making my way back, years of waitressing paying off.

“Courtesy of a dude at the bar so bottoms up everyone”, I said and they all cheered.

“Only you would get a guy to spend well over 50 bucks on your drinks without saying a single word to him before”, Alandra laughed after I told everyone how we snagged those free drinks. I just shrugged and winked at her which made everyone laugh.

Everyone was starting to feel buzzed enough to hit the dance floor and I was glad to have finished off my beer a while ago, nothing stopping me from dancing now. We had a great time, swaying our hips to the beat with our arms thrown around each other and the others took multiple videos of everyone dancing for their stories. We asked a girl to take pictures of us to commemorate the evening and I posted one where all of us looked super hot, tagging the girls after everyone was now following me.

Of course the male population had to ruin the amazing time I was having as a pair of hands grabbed my hips from behind. I immediately slapped them off and turned around to give whoever had the audacity an ear full, sighing as I realized that it was the guy from the bar earlier.

“You never properly thanked me”, he said, probably trying to sound sexy but failing miserably because he was creeping the hell out of me.

“I already said thank you back at the bar”, I responded coldly, not wanting to put up with this shit when I’d been having so much fun up until now.

“I spent so much money on you and you can’t even be nice to me?!”, he exclaimed and I could tell that he was pissed. He’d balled his hands to fists and taken a step closer to me, I really hoped that he wouldn’t get violent.

“No one asked you to do that, that’s all on you buddy. I don’t owe you anything and I’ve been nothing but polite up until now but if you don’t leave us alone right this second I will make sure that you’re kicked out of this club for good”, I threatened, switching my posture to a more intimidating stance and already calculating in my head how much I’d need to bribe some bouncers to get what I wanted. It was still a little shocking what money could achieve. He seemed to realize that he better not mess with me because he backed up and left with a huff and a dirty glance back.

I turned around to the girls, all of them staring at me in shock.

“What?”, I asked, subconsciously reaching up to fix my hair as if that were the reason they were looking at me like that.

“The way you stood up to him, despite being like half his size. Girl I love you already”, Anna said and I laughed at her comment but I couldn’t stop the blush from spreading on my cheeks.

“I need more alcohol after this and this time I’m actually buying”, I said, needing this night to get back on track. I managed the trip without any incidents this time, returning not soon after with a full tray of shots.

As a German I wasn’t a lightweight by any means, the American night out our pregame but even I could feel the buzz of the alcohol by now. We continued drinking and dancing until our feet screamed at us to take a break.

Back in a different booth I checked my phone to see that Tyler had texted me a while ago. I was surprised to see that he was still up as it had gotten pretty late.

Tyler: Looks like you’re having all the fun without me :(

He’d attached a screenshot of Fanny’s Instagram story where you could see me practically grinding on Dominika.

Me: Don’t worry we can still have lots of fun if you want

I couldn’t help it, alcohol made me horny and my alcohol clouded brain had forgotten to put my don’t-hook-up-with-Tyler-filter on.

Tyler: Sounds promising

Tyler: Do you want me to come pick you up?

I had to read the message twice, not really sure if he really meant it the way I thought he did.

Me: To have fun?

Tyler: Fuck no I didn’t mean for this to come out that way I swear

Tyler: I just don’t want you to have to catch a ride alone this late and I know that none of the girls live close to us

My alcohol clouded brain had now proceeded to make heart eyes at Tyler’s sweet gesture.

Me: Look at you being cute and shit but I don’t want to keep you up

Tyler: Don’t worry about it just text me when you’re ready to go

I looked at the girls, noticing that most of them looked just as exhausted as I felt at this point. We had been in here for hours and I knew that we would probably head out soon so I texted Tyler to leave now. By the time he’d get here we would probably be outside already.

“Do you want me to call an Uber for you too?”, Taylor asked me a bit later and I shook my head no, telling them that Tyler would pick me up.

“Wow that’s really sweet and unusual of him, you really got him good.” Katie’s comment had me lost in my thoughts until we were outside again. It had cooled off even more now and I was glad that we didn’t have to wait long.

Tyler pulled up to the curb almost at the same time as the Ubers and we all hugged goodbye, promising to go out again soon. I opened the door to the G wagon and smiled happily at Tyler, my judgement still a little woozy from too much tequila.

“As much as I’m enjoying my view right now you should probably put on the jacket that’s on the backseat, you must be freezing”, he said, probably noticing my slight shivering in the short dress. I nodded thankfully and tried to reach back but the damn car was so big that I practically had to climb on top of the middle console to finally get my hands on the piece of clothing.

This way I’d basically pushed my ass in Tyler’s face but I didn’t realize my mistake until I turned back and saw him look at me with a wild expression on his face. I tried to act as if I didn’t notice what had happened and after shaking his head to snap out of it he shifted to drive and pulled away from the club.

He asked me if I’d had fun and I giggled before telling him that he sounded like my parent right now, at which point he pulled a face. I could swear that I heard him mutter something like ‘fucking parentzoned’ under his breath but perhaps the alcohol was making me hear things.

He told me about how he had spent his evening skyping with his sisters and I loved that family man aspect about him. One could only dream of being as close as the Seguins.

Once in a while he’d quietly sing along to the songs playing over the speakers and I slowly found myself growing more tired by the second. It was really all his fault with his comfortable car seats and his stupidly soothing voice.

By the time he pulled into my driveway I was so close to falling asleep that I didn’t want to open my eyes anymore. Tyler laughed at me but then he surprisingly got out and walked around the car before picking me up and carrying me bridal style towards the front door.

“Tell me your code”, he said and I was more than happy to supply him with the numbers if that meant that he’d carry me for a while longer. Yogi greeted us excitedly and I told Tyler to let him out before I demanded he take me upstairs. I could feel his chest shaking with laughter but he didn’t complain, instead gripping me tighter so he could move around better.

“I still need to take off my make up”, I stopped him before he could lay me down on my bed, finally opening my eyes to look up at Tyler.

“Alright I’ll set you down on the bathroom counter and then leave so you can work your magic.” He smiled his adorable smile at me but I wasn’t quite ready for him to leave yet.

“I need your help with the dress though, I tied it really well so it wouldn’t come loose and I don’t know if I can get it off by myself now”, I pouted at him, hoping that he’d agree to take my dress of for me again. Just like the last time I was fully capable of doing it myself but I wanted to tease him for a little bit before he left.

From my angle I could watch Tyler visibly gulp but he still agreed before gently setting me down in the bathroom. Reluctantly I let go of his neck and turned to the side so he could access the part where I’d tied the fabric of the dress together.

His big beautiful hands were now struggling with the knots and his nose was scrunched up in concentration. I’d never seen anyone look so hot and cute at the same time.

He finally managed to get the last part and as soon as he let the strings go the flowy nature of the dress made it slip down my body, exposing my underwear. I’d expected something like this to happen and it may have been one of the reasons why I’d asked him to help me.

Despite having told Lisa that I wouldn’t hook up with anyone I’d picked out a matching lace set for tonight just in case and I could see that it took everything out of Tyler to avert his eyes. Not before looking me up and down though. I let the dress fall down the rest of the way and reached for my robe by the door, catching Tyler checking me out as soon as I turned my back on him in the mirror.

“Thanks for coming to pick me up, you really didn’t have to”, I said as we walked down the stairs again. I needed to let Yogi in again and I also wanted to escort him to the door.

“I didn’t mind, really it’s nothing”, he shrugged and I smiled, knowing that it definitely wasn’t nothing.

“Well in my books I owe you one now, so if you ever need me to pick you up or anything really, just let me know.” I tried to get my point across, already knowing that he’d probably never drunk call me in the middle of the night to ask for a ride.

“I’ll try to remember but I’ll let you catch some sleep now. If you want to you can come over for breakfast tomorrow, we didn’t get to hang out today after all”

I wished he wouldn’t leave and instead climb into bed with me but I knew that there was no way. Instead I settled for a kiss on his cheek and a hug.

“Of course I’ll come, I might need some grilled cheese after all. Goodnight Ty.”

“Goodnight Liv, see you in a few hours.”

#Slides and Serendipity #tyler seguin #tyler seguin imagine #nhl #nhl imagine #nhl hockey #fanfiction #fanfic #Dallas #Dallas Stars #hot hockey players #hockey writing

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tickle-her-senseless · 5 years ago

Text

Important

Hey all. Just wanted to respond to questions from members of a couple of Discord servers run by the same person following a chaotic couple of days. I’m putting all the info and screenshots (minus names, pics and locations) here, so I can just direct people to this post if they have questions.

I had been intending to just head back here to Tumblr and let the situation lie, but unfortunately the reason given by the automated bot for my ban mentioned “crossing consent multiple times”. Today, friends have been sending me worried questions relating to this, so I’m concerned that the server owner may have made a similar claim in public. Now I pretty much have to say something as that’s such a serious thing to say about someone, particularly on any kind of kink scene.

The mention of consent actually relates to the server owner. Near the beginning of the lockdown, she and I were speaking a lot, she began to tease me in DMs, I responded with a piece of writing dedicated to her, we exchanged pictures - and eventually confessed a mutual attraction. We made plans for the end of lockdown, she talked about driving through Europe and showing me her favourite places. Although her English is perfect, I began learning her language through an app as I wanted to make the effort (Brits are renowned for being lazy with languages), and kept it up every day for months, amusing her with my clumsy pronunciation on calls. Sometimes she would send me explicit comments/thoughts, although I was always nervous to initiate that kind of thing.

One day she sent a message saying that she was still coming to terms with the end of her last relationship and would need to take things more slowly, as she was finding romantic sentiments (as opposed to kinky ones) hard to deal with. Naturally I replied “Of course, in that case I’ll wait for you to initiate that stuff once you’re ready”. At some point afterwards, she sent me a message out of the blue saying “I want cuddles ❤️” and I thought “oh, this is a level she’s OK with” and responded. I think it was the following day when I tried to pick up where we’d left off (without going any further, just cuddling in bed type stuff). She reciprocated and we continued. I also (in an attempt to consider her feelings) asked her if the idea of me posting an old session video on my blog for an American friend would upset her at all. Intending to reassure her about my intentions, I mentioned ”...not wanting to tickle anyone except you and saying no to all of the other UK people on the servers who are asking about post-lockdown sessions”. I also said “I do feel a commitment to you”, which (with hindsight) was probably a foolish or misleading word to use in a purely ler/lee sense.

A week later she sent a message I didn’t immediately understand along the lines of “I thought you were going to let me initiate romantic stuff, you don’t seem to have understood me at all”. I wasn’t sure what she was referring to - the recent story I’d written for her? Use of the word “commitment”? Something else? I tried to talk with her on the phone as some wires had clearly become crossed via text, but she refused for five weeks (citing not being in the right headspace), before finally calling when I sent a message explaining that anxiously waiting to mend the friendship in lockdown by myself for over a month was having a terrible effect on me mentally, and I was going to have to “throw in the towel”, wishing her luck and every happiness.

During our phone call, she claimed that the main issue had been the fluffy cuddle messages which she took to be a serious and repeated boundary/consent violation (citing her wish to avoid romantic talk). This was the last thing I expected and really shocked me. Of course I apologised frantically, repeatedly and profusely. I also said I hoped she could see how I’d made the mistake innocently and honestly when:

- she initiated it the first time, so I assumed it was something she was happy to talk about.

- when I picked up where we left off, she didn’t say “Actually, d’you mind if we don’t today?” and continued the cuddle talk instead.

She said that because she initiated it one day didn’t mean that she wanted to continue the day after - fair enough. The difficult thing to accept was the idea that she felt so violated by the attempt to carry on the next day that she found herself frozen to the point of not being able to say “actually I’m not in the mood just now” and carried on with it, and that I was at fault regardless. She even used the word “harassing” to describe it, which I found very harsh considering my inability to read minds over hundreds of miles. Especially when I couldn’t see or hear her to pick up on body language, tone of voice etc to guess that she was saying one thing but feeling a different way. She said, word for word, “It’s like when someone’s choking you and you can’t speak, you’re literally choking me!” As someone who, as a teenager, was once choked on the ground by my own father until I blacked out and lost bladder control, I did see that as a stretch at best, but chose not to challenge it as she was upset.

I also suggested that, looking back, we probably should’ve clarified exactly what was meant by “romantic stuff” when we almost certainly had different takes on it eg. I’ve cuddled after every 1:1 session I’ve ever had, even platonic ones, purely from the angle of aftercare and a sense of having shared an experience. I was told that despite our different ages and experiences of romantic love, there was only one objectively correct definition of “romantic” - hers.

We went around in circles for over four hours - I apologised over and over while explaining how I got the wrong idea and asking her to understand and forgive, while she tearfully called me a gaslighter, a consent violator, an excuse-maker, a harasser ... eventually I collapsed into tears myself (I’m ashamed to admit), totally worn down, and she softened a bit. She finally said she didn’t believe I’d done anything intentionally, and she still wanted to spend time together in the real world. We made up, spoke warmly as friends for an hour, and I left the call exhausted but relieved. After a few days’ reflection, though, I decided against ever travelling to meet her for real, as the experience had shaken me considerably - and I figured it’d be risky to meet someone in real life when I didn’t trust her completely not to accuse me over either nothing or an innocent misunderstanding. I was still wondering how to explain this to her when things got wild on the server.

A few days ago, a Tumblr user with a stated age of 18 contacted me to say nice things about my blog, which (I hope this doesn’t sound conceited) isn’t out of the ordinary. When she told me she was English and totally new to the scene, I suggested the Discord server as a place where she might make some friends (given the large UK membership) and sent her an invite link. The rest is set out in the mega screenshot saga below, which begins in the staff chat. I’m “SwiftX”, my real name is in teal, the server owner is in blue and her friend and co-moderator is in purple. All other names and locations are in black:

Before sending the last message, I actually typed out five different versions of a counter-argument before eventually deciding to step back. Being totally dismissed and lectured by two people about British labour laws and pub ID measures by two non-Brits nearly a decade my junior was irritating, yes, but the baseless suggestion that maybe I’d done something in private with the new member and was somehow “arguing against” ensuring she wasn’t a child because of that horrified me. As if I’d allow a child access to explicit content to cover my own discomfort - and anyway, I’d done no more than exchange greetings with the girl and point her towards the server, where she was actually verified and granted access to all channels by the guy in purple, not me! After a couple of hours’ contemplation, I politely asked to be removed from the moderator staff, but a disdainful response to my request prompted me to explain it, and why I was upset. Not all of what I said was necessary to say, but all of it was true:

She immediately muted me for 48 hours - “staff disrespect and degrading comments”. Not a problem, I had work to be getting on with. Late that evening, however, her friend arrived in my DMs:

Him: ...it’s creepy that a 32 year old man is potentially teasing a minor

Me: Well I can prove I haven’t teased her, her profile says she’s 18, and the person who exposed her to explicit content was you when you verified her - despite admitting to having had doubts about her age.

Him: ...I’ll drop that subject

Moderator of the year, ladies and gentlemen 🙄 Anyhoo, later that day I received a ban notification from both servers run by this owner, citing “crossing consent multiple times, guilting and being degrading along with causing several conflicts”. I was surprised to feel a flood of relief, but the consent mention really disturbed and worried me, as I’d been under the impression that the server owner had fully accepted that the earlier stuff had been an innocent misunderstanding. Later that day, good friends of mine began sending me worried DMs questioning my record and asking if I’d been inappropriate with a bunch of people, so I’m concerned that the staff may have said something that (deliberately or not) has encouraged speculation. This post is intended to be a landing page to which I can direct anyone concerned about my character so that they they can form their own opinions.

When my follower count began to take off, I became determined to avoid any kind of rift with another prominent member of the community. It’s so frustrating to watch an already niche subculture splinter into factions over needless disputes. This is why I’ve kept names etc. out of this post. If anyone suspects they might know who the server owner is, or actually knows who she is because they’re here from Discord, I would implore them not to out or target her in any way. There are two reasons:

- I don’t want to start a flaming war, I’m desperate to move on and begin improving my mental health after an awful couple of months ... I just need to protect my reputation first.

- I don’t actually think she wanted drama ... I think her genuine perception is that I’ve said something horrible to her. That’s more upsetting than the idea of her trying to smear me, to be honest. I suspect she feels like crap too, and I don’t want to add to her mental load. I honestly hope she’s OK.

Hopefully this will reassure my friends and anyone else questioning my character because of whatever’s been said in that server. I’d also hope that my history of positive interaction here, including being on great terms with everyone I’ve ever had a session with, supports what I’m saying further. It’s a shame this had to happen, but I’m trying to think positively about what lies ahead and trust in my real friends. I’d also like to thank the other members of the server staff who’ve privately sent me messages of support and sympathy having already seen the entire exchange.

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psychicprincesscreation · 5 years ago

Text

NUANCE

Edit 7 (7/12): I didn't realize I kept breaking the link when I was trying to come up with a good title lol my bad.

Last two titles: "I'm not your bass-slut anymore." (That didn't exactly fit the narrative.)

"Don't fuck your idols. :)"

Since everyone is talking about accountability, let me put it succinctly: I was 22, this was consensual for me, I was a "groupie" who knowingly emotionally cheated on my then-bf with Bassnectar for months, I broke it off & moved out because I expected more from the relationship than I ever got.

As one person on IG stated: I was just a groupie whose fantasy didn't go the way I wanted it to. Lol it's true, but that isn't the whole story.

I know it's easy to focus on how I was "old enough to know better" and the harmful choices that I made, but don't forget that Bassnectar actively pursued me even after finding out about my boyfriend -- I'm sure he wouldn't have had any problem finding a single girl to talk to instead, given his stature.

He offered me concert tickets, plane tickets, money to buy an apartment, he told me to email him as often as possible, he told me to keep everything a secret and to lie to my boyfriend over and over.

He tried to "save" me with controlling advice about eating, sleeping, not partying (ironic, considering that he is a DJ) not pursuing music journalism, not hanging out with any male friends whatsoever, where I "should" work. This was all before we ever met in person.

People don't realize how hard it is to say no to your idols, especially when they are CONSTANTLY offering gifts that I considered very extravagant at my age.

This wasn't a normal affair; I had absolutely nothing to offer Bassnectar but myself, yet he spoke to me like I was a star. He told me we could "go deep" and that he wanted to "mate" with me.

Of course my dumbass young-adult drug-addled mind is going to fall in love with the idea of him.

CONSENT IS NOT DEFINITIVE. I didn't consent to a relationship as two normal people sneaking around. I became a cheating asshole who was misled by a rich & famous liar. I never said what I did was right -- in fact, I made it very clear that I did something wrong, too.

I also said that my story is NOT as bad as the other accusers'. I absolutely do NOT think that I had it worse than anyone else. I think my story is important because it shows that his behavior wasn't limited to people underage.

Hopefully my candor denotes honesty and by admitting my faults in this situation, people can see that Bassnectar's emotional manipulation was real and calculated, and most certainly did not start or end with me.

Side note: Apparently Bassnectar DOES cuddle... I guess he just didn't want to cuddle me that night. Ouch! :)

Edit 6 (7/12): Too many typos to fix so I'm just leaving them now lol. Added detail.

Edit 5 (7/12): Just because I say I'm slutty and I like sluts, doesn't mean every girl/women who was involved with Bassnectar is a slut. I'm just owning that label to change MY narrative for MYSELF. I really don't think there's anything wrong with being slutty -- it's always the rest of the world that has a problem.

I wrote this stream-of-consciousness, so I wanted to mention that sometimes my statements that involve other women may seem brusque, but I'm on the women's side. I mean to convey disdain for the way Bassnectar treated us (as a secret "harem",) rather than jealousy or annoyance toward the women. I hope it comes off that way, but I don't know who is reading this and how some might interpret my words.

Edit 4 (7/10):

Removed names. A story mentioned in this post wasn’t true. Either just a lie (to make someone look bad,) or I don’t remember it properly ‘cause it’s been so long. If it was my fault: my bad.

Edit 3 (7/7):

FIXED SOME TYPOS!

Edit 2 (7/7):

I like sluts. Stop making us feel bad for wanting love *and sex, too.

Another thought: Bassnectar probably pursued a relationship with me because I had a boyfriend. Therefore, I would be more secretive and would have to take some of the responsibility and guilt in this situation, too. And that is true. I do feel guilty about the lying and sneaking. I think that it was inevitable that I would break up with my then-boyfriend, but it really wasn’t Bassnectar’s place to accelerate the break-up by giving me the impression that Bassnectar would be my boyfriend instead. This wasn’t friendly advice given to me by someone older, this was tactical. It makes me wonder if a lot of girls/women don’t want to come forward because they are afraid that the truth will come out about their own affairs?

Don’t be afraid to tell your story because women-hating assholes try to dissect and expose your secrets in an attempt to discredit you! Bassnectar is the one who needs to be exposed for HIS indiscretions -- this is about what HE did wrong. Edit 1 (7/7):

- Bassnectar told me that he was coming to NYC and because we had an online relationship, I thought that he was coming to see me. My friend told me today that Gov Ball 2013 was the same weekend, so I think he may have actually been in NYC for that reason (I don’t think he was scheduled to play on the flyer,) but I was delusional about it. - I removed the screenshot of his phone number from the post because I don’t want to violate any doxx rules. I am still willing to compare this phone number with other women/accusers to corroborate our stories. :) - This is my story told from my perspective. I was an adult and I’m not posting this with the intent of legal action, or revenge (although I do admit that this relationship was devastating and heartbreaking for me.) I just want people to know what kind of person he is. - My story is not as harrowing as some of the other accusers’, but that doesn’t make it invalid. - Even now, reliving everything hurts me and I wish I could say that it was real, but now that I’m older I am wise enough to know that it was all lies. - I stand with the women who Bassnectar has hurt in similar, or worse, ways.

----

My relationship was short-lived, but it was so eventful for me that I remember it clearly. I'm mentioning many minuscule details because I think that could help prove the validity of other victims' stories.

Writing in bullet points because it's easier for me to sort through the memories. I'm calling him Bassnectar because the "Lorin" I was talking to is someone that I feel hurt and appalled by now.

• I don't have social media/email screenshots because I deactivated my Facebook and Twitter years ago. Bassnectar asked me specifically to delete our emails because his "girlfriend had caught him" and asked me to get rid of the evidence because she was "demolished." (I will go into a bit more detail about that later on.) • I don’t have a “smoking gun” that skeptics are looking for, but that’s what happens when someone asks you to keep everything a secret and delete everything that shows you were communicating.

----

• This happened in 2013 over many months, plus Bassnectar texted me a few times about once a year after our "relationship" ended. • I was 22 at the time. I'm from NYC and frequently went to clubs, shows, events, and festivals with my then-boyfriend (who I lived with) & the same group of friends. • Bassnectar was one of our favorite artists and we'd seen him perform several times in several states. • My friends had a private Facebook group where we'd tell each other about shows and make arrangements to travel/meet up/stay over each other's places. • I was very interested in music journalism at the time and occasionally wrote show reviews for my friend's online music magazine. • I actively used Twitter. I basically tweeted at every DJ we liked, and always posted reply screenshots in our private Facebook group to share with my friends. • Things became complicated with my then-boyfriend, but we still lived together. We had recently gotten back together around the first time Bassnectar DM'd me on Twitter.

• Bassnectar responded to a Twitter pic I posted of our mini-fridge with a Bassnectar logo sticker and said that he "liked my fridge" or something. • I screenshotted this and posted it in my group because he was the biggest artist who had responded to me at that point. • I thought I could use this as an opportunity to interview him for my friend's mag. • After I already posted the screenshot in my group and had responded to his DM, he sent another message asking me not to screenshot him because he "hates that." • I deleted the screenshot from the friend Facebook group. I stopped screenshotting and sharing our conversations with my FB group immediately after he asked. • I continued to chat with Bassnectar via Twitter and said that I was a big fan of his merch and that I bought several things at all the shows I've attended. • I asked to interview him at some point in the conversation, and he skirted over the request. • Instead, he gave me his email (bassnectar2012) and asked me to send him merchandise ideas. • I slapped together a few simple, quick ideas on Photoshop or something and sent them to him.

(I don’t know how to embed a picture on Tumblr lol -- will update.) • You can see that the image I sent is no big deal, and all the files were similar, but he responded as if they were the greatest things he had ever seen. He definitely made me feel special and talented. • We emailed regularly and relatively frequently for days. • Emails are exchanged back-and-forth and eventually I asked to interview him again and he agreed. • I gave him my number and he called me. My then-boyfriend was aware that I was in contact with Bassnectar, with my original intention of interviewing him. • My then-bf was in the room when Bassnectar called me for the first time. • Bassnectar didn't want to be interviewed; he wanted to get to know me. I agreed to just chat at first. • He told me not to call him Bassnectar because that was his "band" and that I should call him Lorin. • At some point he asked if I had a boyfriend and I told him no, even though things were complicated with my then-bf and we were technically together. > I know I'm going to be chastised for doing this, but I've learned years ago that I made a bad choice. Honestly, I still wanted an interview, and I am well-known for leading with my sexuality. This is when I started becoming deceitful with my then-partner. Simply put, I was just more enticed by the idea of advancing my career, and eventually the allure of potentially being Bassnectar's girlfriend, so lying seemed best. Just because I’m flawed, too, doesn’t mean Bassnectar did nothing wrong.

• My then-bf confronted me about not saying that we were together. I felt guilty and the next time I spoke to Bassnectar, I confessed that I was back together with my then-boyfriend and I wasn't single. (I don't remember if it was via text or voice call.) • Bassnectar was upset that I lied, but continued to talk to me nonetheless through text and email.

• He made me feel like my writing was profound and touching, and that we were falling in love. • He would tell me that he wanted to "bring me the sun," or "get me a puppy." He said things that were romantic and poetic and I felt heartened to respond to what I thought was love. • He said he had $10,000 in his mattress and he wanted to get me an apartment in NYC, so I didn't have to live with my then-bf anymore. • He would text me before and sometimes immediately after he played shows then say he was going to sleep by like 12am (typically.) It was easy to keep up with where he was playing via social media. • He offered to fly me to his show in Red Rocks so I could attend. (I didn't accept.)

• He called me from time-to-time and told me not to tell my then-bf who I was speaking to. • One day he had me call a different phone number, which he said was his "home phone." • He told me a story about a beautiful girl named (removed)? Who he had a falling out with because she mentioned that Bassnectar told her that he didn't like Steve Aoki. (I don't remember that story in detail -- I think he was telling me so I wouldn't tell other people when he talked about other artists.) > Edit (7/10): This person messaged me to say that’s not what actually what happened between them. • One day I was speaking to Bassnectar on the phone and didn't answer when my then-bf called on his way home from college classes (I always answered right away.) He asked who I was speaking to and I admitted "Lorin."

• When I called Bassnectar back, he became annoyed that I told the truth and said that I should tell my then-bf that I meant my girlfriend Lauren instead. • I began to sneak around more, lie more often about who I was speaking to on the phone, and texted or emailed Bassnectar almost every single day. • He said we should skip Camp Bisco 2013 and just spend time together. (Obviously anyone who attended Camp Bisco knows that didn't actually happen lol.) • He was flirtatious, charming, and always offered me tickets to events, or sometimes to fly me to where he was. I didn't accept any of this then.

• He told me that I shouldn't do any drugs, not even smoke weed. All of my friends were casually experimenting back then, and I was equally as candid as I am now about everything I did. He told me not to do drugs at his shows, or any shows, and especially not around guy friends. • Me and my friends traveled to see a show in Philly and stayed with friends. When I texted saying I was mostly with guys (my friend group was mostly guys at the time,) he asked if I "felt safe" and offered to get me a hotel. I thought it was unusual because I always felt very protected by my male friends. • He told me that I shouldn't hang out with guy friends, or have guy friends at all. • He told me that guy friends all wanted to sleep with me and I didn't realize it. • He told me I should eat healthier and exercise regularly -- it was very weird and controlling. He just didn’t want me to be myself. • He told me that he had a girlfriend who had two abortions. I think because we were talking about relationships? • He told me that he grew up in a hippie commune and was Christian and he questioned his priest and that his mom was a poet laureate. It just seemed like he wanted me to get to know him at the time. • He told me I was co-dependent with my boyfriend and that I needed to become independent and move out. • He told me I should make lists of my life goals as an independent person and email it to him. • He told me not to tell anyone about us talking. I told all of my girl friends, but it was a "girl code" situation and none of the guys or my then-bf knew what was going on. • We talked A LOT and often, but all of this only happened in a matter of months.

• Time passes and our emotional affair eventually becomes physically intimate when he says that he is going to fly to NYC. This is JUNE 2013! He played at Electric Zoo 2013, but that wasn't until Labor Day, so I'm not sure why he really needed to go to NYC, but it definitely wasn't for a show because me and my friends would have been there. > NOTE (7/7): My friend read this and mentioned that Gov Ball 2013 was the weekend before, so there is a good chance that Bassnectar was already in NYC for some reason and didn't actually come to see me personally like I was led to believe. lol.

• He alleged that he would see me again around Labor Day when he came back for EZoo, too.

• I am from Staten Island, and wasn't totally familiar with Manhattan's layout at the time, but I think that the hotel he was staying at was in Midtown. It's been 7 years since this happened, but I tried my damnedest today to figure out exactly which hotel it was -- there are soo many in that area alone. • If Bassnectar says any of this isn't true, then he's lying because there will definitely be a plane ticket or something with his name on it to NYC in JUNE 2013. > NOTE (7/7): I thought he was there to see me specifically, so the dates he told me was staying in NYC are probably not 100% accurate, but there is definitely some proof somewhere on his end that he came to NYC for whatever reason. The lies he told me are just coverup to make me lose credibility if this ever came out.

• He said he had a hotel for three days. I think it was a Mon-Wed? I took off work those days so I could see him everyday that he said he would be in NYC. If he has no record of checking into a hotel around the time I'm citing, then his manager probably did it for him. I believe his name is Carlos. (I'm going by the memory of what Bassnectar told me.)

• Bassnectar met me in person at the Staten Island Ferry (Manhattan side) and we walked to Battery Park and sat on a bench and talked. • I felt extremely shy and awkward because I knew that by meeting up in-person, I had given up with my now-ex. The whole thing was conflicting and unfair to so many people, but it was too late now. • Bassnectar frequently complimented me in person. He said things like, he was dying to smell my neck, that he loved my wrists because they were delicate like a bird's frame. • He said that he felt self-conscious that he would be recognized because he's used to being recognized in crowds. • He would pet and caress me, but didn't try to kiss me in public. • He told me that he got his hair washed at a hair salon and he gave the hair dresser a ($50 or $100?) tip and looked in the window to see her reaction and she was crying because she was so happy. • He convinced me to go back to his hotel. We took a cab there. It didn't take that long, which is why I'm convinced it was Midtown. He never told me which hotel it was, but I didn't realize it was actually because he didn't want a trail back to him. I guess it worked.

(I'm about to get very detailed about my memories, so trigger warning for making people feel uncomfortable.)

• When we got to his hotel, he became physical with me very quickly, but he said he wouldn't kiss me first. That I had to do it first. So I did. • It progressed into kissing, cuddling, him touching me all over in bed with our clothes on. He dirty-talked a lot. I also remember that he moaned and grunted a lot, and I wasn't used to any of that. • At one point, I untied his hair and let it down and he joked that I was making sure he was really Bassnectar and not his assistant that I was meeting. • He told me about his go-go dancer friend who had fake boobs. I can't remember why. • I remember him kissing me against the wall, and he said something like, I want to fuck you against the wall and hold you up with only my dick. It was way too specific to forget. (It didn't happen, though.) • We inevitably had full-on sex after the on/off touching/kissing/talking. • He said he didn't want to wear a condom at first, but he thought he should. We did, but it felt like a test to see what I would say. • I remember that he wanted me to have an orgasm, and I instructed him which position worked best for me. • He orgasmed by having sex with me from behind and asked me to look back at him. I remember him draping his long hair over my back. How could I forget that? -_- • One of my girl friends texted me ("How are you plants doing?" was our code phrase) to check in and make sure I was okay because she knew where I was. It was monumental for me, so I told her it was great. • I sat on his lap while he looked at his laptop. • We had these deep conversations about life, and love, and the future and it seemed so real to me at the time. • I remember that I told him I was unsure if we could be boyfriend/girlfriend because he was so much older than me (I think he was 35 at the time?) • He told me about about a girl he loved named X who was also around my age. I didn't think it was that weird because I was convinced he still really liked me best, but he probably had so many "Xs" and I was just another one. • At some point, he commented on Facebook (or Twitter?) in response to someone saying he was Illuminati. Honestly, it was like we were two people hanging out because of how normal everything felt after the sexual tension was gone.

• I remember having dinner with him at the restaurant across the street and talking about wanting to be a writer and he said I CAN'T WRITE ABOUT HIM EVER. (So it wasn't normal after all.)

• I remember, back at the hotel, he asked me perverted questions like, can you show me how you make yourself orgasm? He asked me to just demonstrate on his hand so he knew what to do next time. • I don't remember much more because I wasn't planning to stay. • My other girl friend had a job interview that day and we decided to meet at the ferry to take it home together. • On my way out, he walked me to the elevator and he gave me $50 to take a cab to the ferry and to use for a cab when I came back to see him tomorrow. (For my fellow New Yorkers who doubt this story, no, that wasn't enough fare for both trips, so the amount is definitely the truth lol.)

• I went to see Bassnectar again the next day. When I asked him for the hotel address or name, he wouldn't give it to me directly. He said it was because of people stalking him or something. I don't fucking know but it was obvious confusing bullshit and I think he gave me an address that was about a block away. I think he even said he would tell the cab driver the address over the phone. There was a lot of runaround to avoid saying the exact address. (Now the reason why seems obvious.) • My details are a bit fuzzy at this point because I remember meeting him outside the hotel and going up together, but I forget why we met outside and why we were both confused about which street the other person was standing on. • We went up to the hotel room, he worked on music on his laptop, while I sat on his lap and read Trainspotting on my Kindle. • He let me listen to what he was working on, but I don't remember it. I just remember that he was working with female vocals. • He told me he had to meet his guy friend in Williamsburg because his friend was making him lobster. Looking back, it was probably another girl.

• I asked to stay because I wanted to spend more time with him. I texted my now-ex-bf (who I still lived with) that I was staying with my friend. • Bassnectar said that normally he would say no, but for some reason he agreed and left me in the room with the room key and all his stuff. He either really trusted me, or really trusted how much control he had over me to leave me with his laptop. • I left at one point to get pizza, and came back. I watched TV, but couldn't sleep. He got back some hours later and he was drunk off wine, but I just wanted to cuddle and sleep. • He jokingly thanked me for not stealing his things. • Apparently Bassnectar DOESN'T cuddle and made that a point, but he did sleep in bed with me for a bit, before moving to the other bed in the middle of the night. (There were two beds in this hotel room.) • For anyone else who had sleepovers with Bassnectar, you know that he sleeps with his own fans for the white noise. So we slept in separate beds with his own personal fans on. It was all very bizarre. • We didn't have sex this day at all.

• The next morning I went to Duane Reade while he was still sleeping so I could get toiletries and shower since the sleepover was impromptu. • He had a meeting with someone (manager?) who was supposedly coming to stay in the room later that evening? (It was probably another girl though? idk)

• When he got back, he made me go over the list of accomplishments and goals he asked me to email to him. • He told me that I shouldn't be worried about finding someone to be in love with and it should be a lower priority on my list. • He told me that I should get a job at a restaurant or American Apparel or something and get a shitty starter apartment with only girls. • He said that finding an apartment that was pet-friendly shouldn't be a priority at all. I had a pet cat so if I moved out, that meant I would have to leave my cat behind, but that didn't matter to him. • He told me that if I wanted a serious boyfriend, I shouldn't let him see my legs or have sex with him for a long time. • When he finished life-coaching me, we watched a movie together. • He chose Spring Breakers because he was supposedly asked to do the musical score for it and turned it down (that's what he told me.) • At one point in the movie, Vanessa Hudgens jokingly gestures to her friends that she's giving a blowjob, and Bassnectar said he "didn't understand why girls sucked dick." • We had sex once more, more quickly than the first time and with much less romance. I can't remember much because I just remember feeling sad about leaving soon and like he was blowing me off suddenly. • We took a shower together after.

• I packed up my stuff and before I left he gave me $1000 in cash without warning and told me I could use it to help put a down payment for an apartment or something, but I should pay him back because it would be "good for me." > Looking back, when he left for a short while that morning, it was probably to take out cash to give me when I left. • He didn't walk me to the elevator this time and he sat on his laptop while I left feeling very cheap, stupid, and crushed.

• Time passes and we talk less and less. I'm heartbroken, but still make moves to find a job and move out of my ex's ASAP. • I email Bassnectar a diatribe saying I'm feeling hurt and abandoned. I say that I felt betrayed that he made me think we were essentially going to be together after I left my boyfriend and it turned out to be all lies. • I'm having lunch with friends when he calls me and is angry saying that he told me what I should do to make my life better and that he can't just give me a job or do anything for me and that I need to do things for myself. • My friends walk over to the car where I'm on the phone and when I say I'm ready to go, he asks who I'm speaking to and I say, "my friends." • He yells at me and asks why I'm talking to him on the phone when my friends are around (he asked if he could call and I said it was okay, I didn't know we were supposed to be alone.) I tell him I will call him back. • I text him and ask to call back and his mood flipped and he's suddenly super kind and apologetic and tells me he just wants me to be independent. He reminds me that I'M the one who told HIM that he was too old for me and we can't be boyfriend and girlfriend. • I am heartbroken all over again, but I move on with my life and move out within the next month or so.

> I actually did get a waitressing job as per his suggestion and saved money from that + the grocery store I already worked at and moved to BK by August 2013. I didn't use the money he gave me at first because I thought it was a reason for us to see each other again, and I was afraid to spend it in case I couldn't earn enough to pay him back by the time I saw him. (I never saw him again, though.) > In case you're wondering, I did spend it eventually when I started to resent him for blowing me off.

• I speak to Bassnectar very rarely, and only via text. He doesn't call anymore, even when I ask. • One day while I'm at work, he sends me a video of a beach he's supposedly vacationing at. • When we DO speak, he asks for nudes, usually. • When I send them, he says he feels guilty since “he has a girlfriend” and that we should stop. • Contact is so infrequent, when we catch up about my life, he gets annoyed if I mention I'm seeing any guys, but I never think he really cares because he stopped caring about me a long time ago. (If he ever did at all.)

• I still tried for months to maintain any kind of relationship with him because I truly thought we had something special, but he was always too busy for me. It fucking sucked because he was always in the back of my mind now that I was *~independent~* like he said he wanted me to be so many times.

• One random day when I was too busy to chat with him, I remember he actually DID call me because he said he lost a sound file and wanted me to record myself saying "I really like it." A few times to use on a track. I guess I took too long to get back bc 15 mins later, he texted to say he got it from someone else. I couldn't do it anyway because I was dealing with some other personal stuff. I forgot about it soon after. • I didn't listen to the album NSVB for a long time after it came out bc I was still hurt, but when I did.... I heard that fucking sound bite in whatever song it's on (I really don't care to know) and it fucked me up. • I was conflicted thinking, shit, did I blow my last chance for "us" ? I was still hung up on this asshole as if he were just some ex because of that emotional manipulation. • Would that have solidified what we supposedly had? Or would that have just been another way he used me? I began to resent him.

• Fast forward a few months and I'm drunk with my girl friend at home and text Bassnectar for the lols. I say that I should ask him for tickets to BASSLIGHTS 2013 in VA to make up for him being such an asshole. • Surprisingly he agrees on the condition that I only go with girl friends, don't do any drugs, and say that the Tix are left for me because I interviewed him. (Don't forget that no interview ever happened!)

• Before Basslights, he texts me and even asks me what songs he should play and I don't realize he's just stringing me along. Presumably it was just another plot to hook up. • Before we leave for VA, my friend who is driving admits that one of her OTHER friends secretly knows Bassnectar so we might be able to get into some party or backstage. Sooooo I guess she was another one of his "harem" that he was having a secret relationship with. (I don't mean anything negative towards that girl/woman, just that Bassnectar probably saw us this way and was playing *at least* the two of us at this time.) • My friends and I drive from NYC to VA and miss Bassnectar's set the first night because we arrived late, but the Tix were waiting for me at the box office. • If you get Bassnectar's guest list for Basslights 2013, my real name is on there. I'm sure a lot of other girls he manipulated are on there, too. • Bassnectar texts me and asks what I think of the show and I say I missed it. • He says he was thinking of me a lot during the show. • He texts me saying I should let him "vroom vroom in my girl power." Obviously he's alluding to sex, and I show the text to the friend who was at my place when I asked him for the Tix. He won't send a cab to get me at my hotel when I say sure, though, because he "has a girlfriend" again and he would feel bad. Maybe he was annoyed that I missed his set, maybe he picked someone else, maybe he actually was with his gf? Whatever. • I told him I didn't feel comfortable texting like that anymore because he said he had a gf. • He tells me I'm a good person.

• I am so hurt that I don't answer his texts at all anymore. • We go to Basslights night 2 and I get suuuuper fucked up with my friends (because fuck him) and have an awesome time and disassociate Bassnectar from his controlling bullshit. • I ignore him all the way back to NYC and just text to say I'm home. • He sends me an URGENT text saying that his gf suddenly found out about his gross infidelity and begs me to please delete all of our emails and texts. • I'm stupid and kind and fucking over him so I do it. He knew I would because he knew I was too nice of a person not to. • Bye bye evidence, though. :( I regret deleting those emails even now because I knew this misconduct shit would come out eventually with him.

• LOTS OF TIME PASSES. Now and again, Bassnectar would text me just to say what's up and I'd barely respond. This only happened approximately once a year. • I'm pretty sure this was just to make sure he was on my good side and there wasn't a chance that I was going to expose him. • I think the last time he texted me first was all the way back in 2016.

• The last few times we spoke were when he had a cancer scare and I texted to say sorry. • When I went to Moonrise Festival, I asked if we could meet and he blew me off. It's been so long, I didn't really expect him to say yes, but it was worth a try. • When me and my friends went to Electric Zoo and he closed, I texted him saying that we couldn't hear well from where we stood and left early. I think he was offended because he replied saying that no one else complained. • The last time I spoke to him, I knew he was playing at an event near me and asked for tickets again so I could see him and he said he would be with his girlfriend. It was a one-off thing and I thought it was worth the try. •There were no cordial conversations in-between the times I contacted him at all. Just me being lonely and single and still hanging on to this idyllic version of him that never fucking existed in the first place.

• I'm much older now and I know that a lot of this happened because of choices I made, but I was 22, starstruck, in a confusing relationship, partying, and desperate for an ethereal love that I sought in that music scene.

• I bet Bassnectar specifically targeted girls like me because (at least in my case) I was depressed, pumped full of mind-altering chemicals, pretty, and lonely. He acted like I was a unique, artistic, lost soul and he made me believe that he was the only one who could save me.

• At 22, you don't realize that a man 13+ years older than you shouldn't be asking you to keep your conversations a secret from everyone, asking you for nudes, asking you to lie to/break up with your boyfriend, inviting you to hotels, offering you gifts, and straight up giving you cash that you didn't ask for.

• But that man DEFINITELY knows he's doing something wrong, otherwise he wouldn't be sharing that hush money with you, or asking you to hide and delete everything.

• Because he would text me once in a while saying something like, "You cross my mind all the time," it would be enough for me to hang on to this hope that *maybe* there was still a chance. I couldn't see that it was just another manipulation tactic that worked well on me because I was still feeling the effect of the emotional annihilation from so long ago. :(

• I loathe how he made me feel for so long and it breaks my heart to know that there are so many other girls who were taken advantage of in worse ways by this egotistical LIAR in his position of power. Seriously, Bassnectar, fuck you.

ALSO: not sure if this was his burner phone or what, but here are the last two digits of the # he always contacted me with (sent in the DM). If any other victims want to corroborate by comparing numbers... Let me know.

(I REMOVED THE SCREENSHOT OF THE PHONE NUMBER IN CASE IT VIOLATES ANY DOX RULES, BUT I CAN SEND IT TO YOU DIRECTLY IF YOU ARE CONTACT WITH ME!) :)

---

#eab #bassnectar #metoo

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gxrdenofoblivion-blog · 6 years ago

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Gxrden of Rules

Hello there! My name is Nina. As I said in my bio, I'm a 22 years old girl. I'm glad you're here reading this, and I hope we can know each other best in the future if you like my blog and decide to follow me.

Note: I am dyslexic and English isn't my first language, so please if I make a mistake or something's hard to understand, please let me know as politely as you can. Thank you.

For our future partnership to work, I would like you to read all the rules. If you have any questions or doubts before you read, without any fear you can send me an ask {here} with your issue. I don't bite.

My track tag is gxrdenofoblivion. Without empty spaces nor anything else, and that exact tag is the only one I'm gonna be checking any time I can. If I haven't left a reply after a week, but you see I'm still replying other stuff nor I'm on Hiatus, please let me know I haven't. We are all aware of the mess that Tumblr has always had where we can lose from drafts to tags, so please, without hesitation (and politely), if a week passes and you don't get a reply, send me a reminder.

Zero anon hate. Yeah, I know many of you think this rule is silly, but there's people who doesn't respect it at all. Any anon hate that I could receive is going to be answered with extreme sarcasm, or deleted on plain sight. I can't stand hate nor people who sends anon hate, and if you spend your time making call outs against anyone all the time, right or not, I'm going to unfollow you. I don't like polemics, I dislike drama, and this is a space for fun, not for hate and fights. I'm Switzerland, I've always have been, and I will keep it that way.

I reserve for myself the right for followbacks and getting magic anons. Usually I'm pretty laid back with this. I just give you a followback if I like your writing, and if you tag your stuff properly. Nothing fancy. About magic anons, you can send as many as you like, but there's a chance some of them will make me too lazy to do anything if it's for an exaggerated amount of time (like a month off rol), or if it's just something I strongly dislike (mpreg, and omegaverse).

My blog is NSFW so if you wanna request some of these stuff or send some memes (anon or not), do it. I like when people asks my muses about those stuff, both sexual or violent. Now, if the question is for me, it's possible that I may or not answer some of them. Everything depends on my mood and if I think it is a good idea or not to reply.

Emphasis: I have zero issue with replying and/or role-playing any sexual question, as well as it isn't related to mpreg, omegaverse, coprophagy (feces), zoophilia (animals), pedophilia (children), urophilia (piss), spitting (saliva), fisting (fists at... well), and nechrophilia (dead people). You can ask mine or my muses opinion about it, but I'm not going to play, ever, any of those things sexually. With gore and violence I'm way more open since where I draw the line is that I don't do threads roleplaying scenes of rape or murder without without an EXPLICIT consent from my roleplay partner.

Please, respect me. I will respect you as much as you respect me. If you come entitled in here with an attitude to make some exigencies or complaints, I will immediately unfollow or ignore you. I need you to respect my decision if I don't want to roleplay a ship with you, if I don't want to play certain character, and SPECIALLY to respect my NOTPs. You can ask for some explanations, but you can't make any exigency, nor disrespect me.

Emphasis: I really need you to respect my NOTPs. They are labeled as such specifically because I hate or dislike them, and usually this is due to a toxic fandom, because I think the ship is completely nonsense, or I strongly hate one of those characters. I don't play NOTPs as romantic ships, just as violent threads, or friends. I don't do any exceptions for anyone. But you can ask if I would like to roleplay with you anything related to the NOTP, as good as it isn't a romantic shipping.

About Gore, spooky stuff, and Smut: I do the three of them and I like to read them as much as to write them. But to avoid any issues, I ALWAYS am going to use the tags {gxrden of ultraviolence}, {gxrden of nightmares}, and {gxrden of pleasure}. That way you can block those tags and have a nice day without ugly nor sexy stuff. All the spooky stuff I usually tend to write it without images, but in the weird case I decide to put any spooky pics, I would put it under Read More. In any case you see I have a post about this things untagged or without the Read More thingy, you're free to ask me nicely to tag it or activate the Read More, because I'd probably forgot, or Tumblr broke something again.

Clarifying: all tags and Read More is going to be applied with my criteria of what I consider violent or nsfw. Not yours. If a thread makes you uncomfortable you can let me know and I’ll put on it a special tag for you to block it, but I can’t be aware of everyone’s triggers and also keep my partners happy. The best I can do is offering you a special tag.

I don't mind my threads to be read or shared. As well as I don't mind people making comments about it, sending me messages, or even adding their characters on it. But I think the right thing to do and the best way to go if you want to reply a thread with me and someone else, is to send us a message notifying us you'd like to join, so we can go and let and open window for you to sneak in.

I receive gladly, anons, magic anons, and memes from non-mutuals. I understand of you don't want to roleplay with me, but if you wanna know some things more about me or my muse, you can feel free to ask without charges.

If I follow you, no one forces you to followback me. This is self-explanatory. But if you do want to, it's highly appreciated.

My followback is just and exclusively because I assume that if you follow me it is because you have the intention of roleplay with me, or at least of send me stuff to my ask. I'm not gonna tolerate people using me as meme blog without sending me anything ever, nor I'm going to tolerate people who follows me just to ignore me every time une of us does an open thread. I'd rather have 4 followers, play with 3, and receive only asks from one, than have 100 and play with 4. I strongly dislike ghost followers.

I reserve for myself the right of giving my followback (or not). I just give my followback to accounts that catch my attention, don’t take it personal if I don’t follow you, it’s probably that your blog it’s hard to read, your narrative is confuse, or the characters too OOC for my taste and standards, or I just don’t see anything interesting for me. That doesn’t mean under any circumstances that your blog is bad or you suck at roleplay, that just means I don’t see anything accord for my tastes.

My Followback also can be lost if I see that a month has passed since we followed eachother (being me or not the first on following), if I have sent you asks, gave my like to Starter Calls, etc, and you have been uncapable of reply anything, I will stop following you because I will assume there is no interest. I don’t block anyone, so we can talk about it and discuss if you see I don’t follow you anymore, as long as we speak with mutual respect and understanding. I’m a really pragmatic and kind person, usually, but I tend to react very badly to disrespectful people because my patience to wait for threads is very big, but to speak with brats is less than zero, if that can exist. This is just for ex mutuals. Blogs I’ve never followed can talk to me and I could give them my reasons, just if I feel like it. As well as I feel like nobody owns me explanations, I don’t own any explanations to anyone for the decisions I make.

I reply through my phone, so I can’t use Read More feature and there’s stuff that’s really complicated for me such as moving asks to a new thread. I will put under Read More or reply asks at new threads only if your rules specify it, but that means I’m going to take a lot more of time because I don’t have a computer for myself only. That being said, if you want to move one of my asks to a new thread, you don’t need to ask me, do it without problems if it’s easier for you that way.

My muses are Multiship and Multiverse. If you wish me to have an exclusive ship or an specific AU with you, just let me know. I’m pretty easygoing with that issue so it’s really rare if I say no to something (with the exceptions I said before).

About asks of any kind, included anons: if you don’t specify a muse without even context of a fandom, I’ll choose anyone randomly, and that always include my OCs. I do love my OCs and I love wrinting about them, and I’m not going to hold them back just cause. If you want a specific muse or certain specific interaction, at least give me a situational context to whom you would refer to; for example if there’s a thread where muse X kisses muse Y in a hallway, you can send an ask saying “I know where you kissed Y” and I’ll know a bit more clearly who are you refering to.

My blog is openly crossover, AU, and OC friendly. So I don’t need both muses to share fandoms to roleplay, nor I care if you want to throw me one of your OC to reply something, just leave me a message at the tags giving me their principal characteristics and that’ll be enough, if you send me via IM their profile, even better. I love well made OCs and I like to receive them with love. That also means I do OC x Canon relationships, but I need first to know everything about your character, and make a few tests in some threads to see if they have enough chemistry; and if you want any of my OCs to your canon, I’ll do the same.

You can choose if you play with just one of my muses exclusively, or if you play with all of them, but you must notify first. If you don’t, I’ll send you asks to interact with other characters if I think we can make something interesting, so if you do want to interact with only one of my muses, or just with the ones at an specific fandom, you have to let me know.

I have a lot of patience, so don’t mind if you take your time. I tend to reply really fast unless I have no free time or I feel badly. So as I respect you to taking a long time, I hope to receive the same respect for me and my fast replies most of the time or taking a lot depending of my situation.

So far, this would be all. I reserve for myself the right to add and/or edit rules as the time goes by, with its rightful notification. If you wanna know if I made any change, look at the tag {gxrden rules}.

Thanks for your attention and have a nice day!

#gxrdenofoblivion #{out of the gxrden}#{gxrdenkeeper speaks}#{gxrden rules}#{gxrden: english}

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theantibridezilla · 8 years ago

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TAB Style: Bridesmaids Gifts They’ll Love - Linea Nº10 Wireless Headphones

Bridesmaids gifts are a very common item to give. But often times, you end up giving your ‘maids gifts that - quite frankly - they don’t love. It’s easy (read safe) for brides to stick either to beauty or accessory items as gifts which are nice but can get a bit boring. But if you know that you have more tech savvy people in your wedding party, think outside the box and go for something with more mileage - like a pair of stylish Bluetooth wireless headphones!

Last month the team at Caeden sent me a pair of their Linea Nº10 Bluetooth headphones to test, and I have to say - I’m sold. Now, I was pseudo in the market for a new pair of headphones anyway as an alternate option to my Sol Republic on-ears and my Grain Audio over-ears. And I’m strongly considering getting the iPhone7 and knew that I needed to find a good pair of Bluetooth headphones before I would upgrade my phone (because seriously those ridiculous wireless earbuds that come standard with the phone are a fail waiting to happen). So the Linea Nº10′s came at the right time!

The Linea Nº10 headphones - beyond allowing you to listen to music - can also be used as a microphone to answer calls and via an Aux cable (with built in mic) can convert to a standard analog headphone. The headphones charge via a micro USB cable and also offer volume/fast forward/rewind/track skip capabilities via the headphone buttons.

What I Love:

1. Sound Quality: As a proud member of the #DJWife club, good sound quality and strong bass are essential to my daily life. The audio on these headphones provide great clarity and are competitive to my Sol Republic’s in terms of base strength. Whether I’m listening to House music, K-Pop or an Old School R&B track, the sound is crisp.

2. Noise Cancellation: I wouldn’t go so far as to say these can compete with a pair of Bose headphones. But for my 45min commute each way in & out of the city, it does drown out the noise of the subway or people announcing that it’s showtime!

3. Comfort: Typically I am not the biggest fan of on-ears because the ear cups can place pressure on my ears - making me sore after extended wear (usually after 3+ hours). I’m actually able to wear my Linea Nº10′s for practically half a day without feeling any discomfort.

4. Style: For sure, the Linea Nº10 headphones are extremely stylish. Although I received the ceramic & rose gold style, they also offer these headphones in black/gold and black/gunmetal.

What Could Be Better:

1. Controlling Audio/Mic for Incoming Calls: The Linea Nº10′s allow you to answer calls from your phone but the process to switch from the built in headphone mic to your phone’s native mic can be cumbersome. Although I don’t mind using the headphones to answer calls, I do prefer actually talking directly on my phone. And at least on the iPhone, it’s not a one click option to disable the headphone mic.

2. Interference: If you’re in a location where possibly other people are using Bluetooth devices or where they may be wireless interference, you will get static like if you drove out of range of a terrestrial broadcast radio station. When I’m on the train using these headphones I don’t have that problem. But inevitably, when I’m in the office, I always get a bit of interference.

3. Color: This is really a minor issue but obviously having white headphones means they will get dirty faster (or at least you’ll see the dirt appear faster) than you would on a darker pair of headphones. Thankfully, since the Linea Nº10′s are made with vegan leather, you can easily remove the dirt by cleaning them with a damp magic eraser. The top pic was taken on the first day I wore them and the 2nd from today and I’ve had these headphones for about two months now - using them pretty consistently every week (except to the gym because sweat + white headphones is a bad idea). The dirt build up wasn’t crazy but I did hit them with the magic eraser before taking that middle picture! But yes, if I had bought these for myself rather than having them gifted, I would have picked one of the black styles just for peace of mind!

For more information on Caeden’s Linea Nº10 headphones or any of their other offerings, visit www.caeden.com or follow them on Instagram @caedenofficial!

#tab style #bridesmaids gifts #caeden #bluetooth headphones #djwife #tech gifts #tech review #bridal gifts #wireless headphones #style #gifts #wedding gifts

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ecotone99 · 5 years ago

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[MF] The Dating Game

Chapter 1: The Dating Game

For those of you who don’t know me let me start by introducing myself, I’m Maya. I’m 25 years old and single. Been trying to date but man it’s hard out here. Guess they don’t make guys like they use to or something. My friends been pushing me to try all these dating sites and stuff. Truth be told I’m old fashion and can’t really get into this but hey it’s the new way to date. I’ve been trying to put myself out there but it’s so hard sometimes. Half these damn men just want sex and the other half seem a little off if you know what I mean.

I’ve had one bad date after and I’m really about to accept the fact that I’ll be alone with a puppy and a gold fish. I’m honestly ready to give up. Once again I find myself swiping through these pics trying to see if someone will catch my eye. It feels like hours go by and I haven’t seen anyone I’m interested in. This is really hopeless. I swipe a few more times and next thing I know I see a guy who has a high match score with mines and he’s good looking. I take a chance and message him. I’m nervous as hell wondering if he’ll even reply back. I wait a while and I see nothing so I just go to bed.

The next day I wake up and check my messages to see if my interest has decided to message me back. I look and see nothing. I got a little sad. A few hours go by and I see a message and it’s from him. His name is Eric. We had a quick chat on the app before exchanging numbers. I begin to realize we have so much in common. I find myself enjoying our conversation and checking my phone to see if he text back. I felt like a school girl. I hadn’t even met this man yet and I was already feeling him. We planned to go on a date that weekend. I was so nervous. All my other dates had been so terrible how do I know this one would be different.

The day comes for us to meet. I’m trying to find the right outfit and make sure my hair is right. I pull up at our meeting spot and I get out my car and I see him. He was tall, handsome, and had the brightest smile. I was so nervous I’m surprised he couldn’t hear my heart racing. We go inside to see our movie and we take our seats. We talk a little about the movie we’re about to see and a few other upcoming movies. He puts his arm around me and I lean in towards him. He smells so good I feel myself getting comfortable in his arms as if I know him already. We watch the movie and enjoy it.

Afterwards we decided to go eat. I find myself lost in how beautiful this man is. His smile is unlike one I’ve seen before. My heart is pounding the whole time were sitting at the table. I wonder if he can sense my nervousness. We enjoy our food and talk a little bit more before it times to leave. We walk out to our cars. He gave me a hug and I felt myself melt in his arms. This was a man, a real man. Not like these idiots I’ve been wasting my time on. He carried himself unlike any man I’ve seen before. As we parted ways I sent him a text asking for a second date, and he said yes. I’m not sure where this is going to go but I have a good feeling about this one.

submitted by /u/smore2011 [link] [comments] via Blogger https://ift.tt/2wfDsFB

#Blogger #Story

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automatismoateo · 6 years ago

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My brainwashed religious friend's world view collapsed when I came out. via /r/atheism

Submitted July 17, 2019 at 08:15AM by 100Toby1 (Via reddit https://ift.tt/2NYONSs) My brainwashed religious friend's world view collapsed when I came out.

Hey guys, this event happened a few weeks ago, so before anybody worries about me, don't! Every other friend of mine has been amazing and supportive to me, and it really makes me feel appreciative of the people I've surrounded myself with; this was just one reaction that I think is worth talking about because of how hateful religion has made this person.

So I came out publicly as transgender a few weeks ago. I've been on Hormone Replacement Therapy for five months, I had just gone out of town and got some nice girl clothes, and I had just finished my final year of high school so the stars seemed aligned. I didn't want to not wear my new clothes, hiding felt like crap, and I wasn't going to be able to keep it on the down low for much longer anyway because of the effects of HRT. 👀

I sent a little meme in a text chat and a couple minutes later a few pics with my hair done and wearing female clothing to make sure my friends realized it wasn't a joke. And yeah - a meme might not have been the best choice for a serious event, but it was light and fun and made it a little less stressful.

Immediately after, this guy, who we'll call Mark, asked me to join a voice call. Now, Mark is a very extremist Christian. He wasn't always this way, I've known him since I was 7 years old and he was always religious, but at some point last year it completely took over his identity. From some things he said, and circumstances I've been made aware of, it seems he was sent to a Christian conversion camp by his psychotic parents who thought he was falling to sin because he was dating in high school, but that's not confirmed. Anyway, he joins the call and starts talking to me about some innocuous stuff. I'm on edge, waiting for some sort of verbal lashing, and eventually when it doesn't come I say "Um.. did you see chat?"

He goes silent for a moment, and then says "Dude, that actually made me puke in my mouth, like wow.." followed up by a laugh, and then he continued talking about the thing he brought up before. I actually breathed a sigh of relief, believing that to be the extent of his took l reaction. . . Until my best friend came on and began calling me by my chosen name.

Every time he would say my name, or 'she,' he would chuckle, and after a moment I confronted him, saying "What are you doing? You do know I'm serious, right?" He responded "Yeah... Sure. How long have you guys been planning this for? Haha!" I was at a loss for words. This guy saw me come out, saw me dressed in female clothing, heard my friend flawlessly slip in to calling me my new name, and thought it was a prank. We tried to convince him for a couple minutes that it wasn't a joke, and then two more of my close friends who I had told beforehand joined the call. When they started calling me my name, he became increasingly aggravated, insisting harder and harder that it wasn't a joke, until he suddenly left the call.

It was then that he snapped. He began raging against everything in our server publically. Saying that what I was doing was a disgrace to God, that I have lost 'the light' (even though I was always atheist), and that I would be eternally damned for daring to be happy with myself. He left our server but continued to send me phobic messages about how I 'wasn't and never would be a girl' and deadnaming me until I sent told him that unless he was willing to respect my decisions to not contact me. He then diverted his energies and spent two hours arguing with my boyfriend about me, calling him a homosexual and going so far as to say that he would go to hell for accepting me. When he made it clear he wasn't going to take Mark's shit either, Mark went silent, deleted his entire account on the social media we were using, and I didn't hear from him for days.

Then Canada Day happened (Yay! Side note, I saw a trans flag flying at the beach where the celebrations were being held so that was pretty neat!) I went down with some friends to enjoy the celebrations, and I saw Mark there. I was out, and pretty confident, and there were some other friends of mine talking to him, so my friends and I decided to walk over. Mark legitimately started jogging away when I approached them. I guess he was afraid of catching the trans o.o

Anyway, here is the culmination of it all.. sorry this has been so long and rambly, but it's nearly midnight and I'm typing on my phone because I felt suddenly inspired to rant. A friend of mine recently spent some time with Mark and a really bad influence that has been in our lives for a long time who I'll call Cam, and Mark seems to have broke. Cam is a really terrible person, I think he actually has some type of sociopathy, because he has said multiple times that he doesn't understand the concept of having friends unless they're useful to you. And yeah, it's easy to say that he's being edgy, but I'm pretty good at reading people's emotions and I've known him for a long time, and he really doesn't seem to care about other people whatsoever. Just trust me on that one. And my friend spending time with them said that Mark has become a miniature version of him, stealing his mindset. Apparently he's talking about how the only way to get people to like you is to be offensive, to hurt people, and to not care how others feel about you, which is completely opposite to his worldviews and exactly what Cam preaches. His lack of tolerance to others has destroyed his compassion in a way I can't even comprehend.

All in all, I just thought this was an interesting story to tell. It hurt me a little in the moment but with how amazing the rest of my friends have been to me I have felt little loss :) I think this really expresses how dangerous extremist religion is. I don't believe all religion is evil, but whatever Mark personally beloved certainly is. I'll end this off with a quote from him in response to my friends telling him to just accept me for who I was, "Jesus is more important than friends."

#reddit

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jillmckenzie1 · 6 years ago

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Please Swipe Responsibly

If you think dating is hard, try dating in a ski town. Population 4,896. The tourist game is so strong in Breckenridge that I can confidently proclaim that I’ve matched with more Texans in Colorado than I ever matched with Texans while actually living in Texas.

For those of you unfamiliar with app dating, I’ll provide a crash course. Bumble gives the woman 24 hours to communicate with the man after a match is made (i.e. two mutual swipe rights). The man then has 24 hours to respond. Each user is given a daily extension, which will open the communication channel for an extra 24 hours. Once a male and female have both commented, the chat log stays open indefinitely. Hinge is slightly more low-key; I liken it to Facebook as users can simply heart photos or comments without a deadline to engage in conversation. Both operate on a geographical radius.

A few weeks ago, a guy in my Bumble queue opted to use his one-time extension (quite flattering, yes). I figured anyone who was willing to take such initiative was worthy of, at the very least, a cordial hello (only, I never lead with a formal salutation because that would immediately classify me as boring, and I am not boring). Lo and behold, he’s at the airport. On his way back to San Diego. California. His words: “I know, I swiped irresponsibly, but you really seemed worth it.”

No shit I’m worth it. But, what’s your play here, stud? Are you going to fall madly in love with me via FaceTime before I transport my Airstream to your driveway? No. Answer is no.

So, we wasted each other’s time for two hours in meaningless conversation that we will never be able to get back. It’s fine. Everything is fine. I didn’t want those two hours anyway (insert eyeroll emoji).

You might be shocked to learn that this irresponsible swiping stuff is a very real thing. I’ve often wondered if I’m simultaneously chatting with two bros from the same bachelor party who are crammed into the hot tub of their ten-person rental pad. Chances are high (and, no, I’m not coming over with my bathing suit).

With that being said, I generally bow out of conversations once I realize that the guy’s home base extends beyond the city limits of Denver. And that’s not because I wouldn’t date someone outside of Colorado. I most certainly would. Ironically, I am actually one of the few people who is easily able to close the mileage gap for the right person. But, to date, my freedom has acted as more of a curse.

Circumstance conditions us to date within our city limits, to find the person that fits into our geographical routines. To be open to anyone living anywhere is an entirely new dimension to dating that most people are not even fully able to comprehend (think black-holes-in-outer-space type stuff).

As you can imagine, it’s rare to find locals in a ski town (who are also my age), and if I do, they are usually working jobs that are not going to prosper into sustainable careers (no judgment, but I undoubtedly need someone who is going to inspire my professional synapses). So, I currently exist between the hopelessness of meeting a real-life human in the wild (not sure people even do this anymore) and the ridiculousness that is our digital dead zone of online dating (in case you were wondering, filters do not exist behind phone screens).

For all of you non-single people, let me enlighten you for a minute. For all of you single people, I’m fully aware that these next few paragraphs will come as no surprise.

In the last two weeks, I’ve been sent two dick pics (completely unsolicited). Both from irresponsible swipers escaping back into their East Coast abodes. One of them even used a shampoo bottle to clearly demonstrate size. A true gentleman in every sense of the word. Mama raised that boy right. Also, it’s worth noting that he used his Bumble profile to define his religious affiliation as “Christian” (insert wide-eyed, blank stare emoji). I do not say that with any predisposition to the fact that a Christian guy should know better or more than a man who labels himself as a non-Christian; it’s simply a nod to the fact that an online dating profile creates a high level of expectations for how a person should be acting based on the viewer’s perceptions of those answers; but really, those perceptions are just that, perceptions. The answers hold zero weight in the grand scheme of deciphering the personality, morals, and intentions of the guy (or girl) on the other side of the screen.

In a surprising turn of events from volunteer nudes, I’ve also been proposed to four times. One included a link to Jagged Edge’s “Let’s Get Married” hit single that had me convinced that we might actually engage in harmonious matrimony (if you know me, then you know that 90’s R&B is the key to my Usher-loving heart). The other three were generally well-timed responses to my signature sarcasm.

The most popular question I get, however, does not involve my ring finger. It is a request for a picture of my backside (I wish I were kidding). I present to you my most recent exchange with a guy from Denver who, on day two of correspondence, asked for a photo of my butt. In his defense, he made this request using the peach emoji (please read that he gets no actual defense for using the peach emoji). When I told him that pictures of my backside were worth the big bucks, he then sent me the money bag emoji (three of them, to be exact) as if I were really insinuating that I needed some form of payment. Of course, he then unmatched me (I’m going to assume that my lack of correspondence proved that he wasn’t going to get what he wanted – even though he had put in his Bumble profile that he was looking for a person with whom to do outdoor things, not a person from whom to receive peach photos).

Finally, my personal favorite, the guy who asked me, “Is there any chance in hell you’d ever allow someone to buy a pair of your socks?” And never has a human been more serious. This dude’s commitment to the previously quoted question puts the marriage proposal men to absolute shame. I proceeded to ask him if he was using Hinge to run some type of sock-smuggling enterprise (think Orange is the New Black and Piper’s prison panty operation). Apparently, that wasn’t funny. At least, not to him. Immediate unmatch. Great. My socks are safe. Bye.

At this point, I realize that matching with anyone online–no matter his ultimate geographic location– opens up the flood gates of potential comedic absurdity. I often question whether or not to persevere for the sake of finding a “normal” one out there or simply throwing in the towel and praying that the real-life guy will mysteriously find me while we reach for the same jar of almond butter at Whole Foods or sit undeniably too close on the same chairlift. If you are a regular to my writing shenanigans, then you know that I recently succumbed to the fact that dating is a game of numbers, so the answer–whether I like it or not–is to do both. To be open to finding someone is to explore every means necessary for a union to take place.

Here. Present. Doing it.

The problem is that it can be just so damn tiring. Like when I had to tell the guy who had just ended it with his live-in girlfriend three days before we went on our first–and only–date that there was no possible way that I could move forward with him based on that information, and he proceeded to text me every day for a week even despite my withdrawal from the conversation (a testament to the fact that even the most direct bluntness can be blinded by the highest levels of emotional instability).

Hint: Get off Bumble. Move out of your apartment. Rebuild your capacity to do life alone so that you can physically and psychologically support yourself before attempting to simultaneously support someone else standing beside you.

Dating fail number…I’ve lost count.

Two weeks ago, I started messaging a guy in Vail (mind you, he’s actually from Michigan). Ironically, he’s on a 30-day snowboard trip in which two of those weeks will exactly mirror the trip I’ve been thinking about taking to Jackson Hole and Sun Valley and then into Utah. I started to like his digital version so much that I found myself not even wanting to meet his real-life version. His point total was so positive that, in order to prepare myself for the typical in-person letdown, I reasoned that his profile pictures were five years old and that he’d be far less entertaining in the flesh.

I wish I could tell you that my self-talk was wrong, but in true Bumble fashion, we both faded into oblivion, our names sitting somewhere in the deep recesses of each other’s iMessage chat logs (if we even gave each other names). We had a solid four days in which I reasoned that the overabundance of snow was due to my dancing abilities. He called me his lucky charm. I made sure to dominate his daily vertical feet of mountain madness (you’re not surprised). And he didn’t send me a dick pic (you are surprised).

All that being said, the answer is that I don’t know. But history suggests that this stimulating digital connection would have made it very difficult for the analog encounter to live up to such inevitably high expectations.

Fact. Our phones have dramatically changed the environment for cultivating romantic relationships.

Let’s revisit the anomaly of real-life encounters. My best friend has put this fantasy inside my head that my Prince Charming is actually not going to manifest himself from behind my phone screen. She is convinced that we are, in fact, going to serendipitously meet as physical people.

She tells me that he is going to be standing in front of me in the singles line of Peak 6, only to find out that Kensho Chair is no longer running because of a high wind advisory. He will turn around, in despair, to be greeted by my slightly annoyed but still smiling google-tanned face, and we’ll both subconsciously register our mutual affinity for camo: his pants, my jacket. He’ll mumble his frustrations about wanting to hike to the summit and based on my recent experience–in which I quite literally almost blew off the side of the mountain–I’ll ensure him that he is missing nothing. He’ll exhale relief before confirming that we are both, in fact, locals. And we’ll strap in side-by-side, surrounded by an equivocal air of attraction.

We’ll race off towards Peak 7, his speed just outside my reach, and yet I’ll still manage to fall just one spot behind him on Independence Chair. At that point, I will try to erase that fuzzy feeling–the one that sends an electric current from the top of your head down into your toes, the one that is assessing whether or not the person within your vicinity is registering that fuzzy feeling, too–because I am coming to terms with the fact that he will be long gone by the time I remove myself from my single seat on that six-person chair.

Except he won’t be gone. He’ll be taking his sweet time to buckle himself in, and as I skate to a spot near him to ultimately do the same, he will do the unprecedented thing, the action that seems so lost in our current state of swiping and sexting: he will ask me my name followed by an open invitation to ride together for the remainder of the day. He will open himself up to my potential to say no.

Except I won’t say no. I will say yes with a confidence that implies that I couldn’t picture the day going any other way, a façade to the fuzzies that I’ll have welcomed back into every major and minor nerve-ending inside my spine. Because I’ll be nervous as hell. I won’t have access to five pictures or a brief bio to make assumptions about him before we embark on this journey (because you know I won’t make any of those afternoon runs easy). And I won’t know if he just wants someone to hike with him to the backside of Peak 9 or if he thinks that I look quasi-cute in my snowboard getup that often has me confused for being a bro. I won’t know his age or his job or his ability to speak sarcasm. I won’t have the faintest idea of his Zodiac Sign or his religious affiliation. There will be no checkbox on his camo pants helping me to understand if he is searching for love or for lust.

So, my best friend, she tells me that it will happen this way. And I will have to ask the questions. And I will have to listen to my intuition. And, in this fantasy that she has created for my life, he is nothing short of sincere. He will have the wherewithal to ask for my number at the end of the day and the balls to text me that evening to ask if I want to spend the next morning together on the mountain. And it will snow seven inches that night, and I’ll wake up early to meet him for first chair, and without hesitation, he’ll show me all the secret stashes in the trees. The powder day will turn into drinks at night, and after two Tito’s and sodas, he’ll admit that the closing of Peak 6 on a random Thursday in January was the best thing that’s happened to him in a very long time. And, I’ll allow his words–that I am kind and pretty and funny–to intoxicate my soul so much deeper than the vodka ever could.

We’ll kiss. And it won’t be fueled by an animal-like intensity to simply rip off each other’s clothes to expose what hides beneath the layers of baggy snowboard gear. He will linger on my bottom lip and run his fingers through my hair that is notoriously flowing from underneath my Broncos beanie. And I won’t be able to decipher the difference between that giddy feeling that I am getting from the snow that continues to blanket my newfound home in Colorado or from the fire that has now been tattooed on my lips.

At that point, I’ll know. His age and his job and his ability to speak sarcasm. I’ll know his Zodiac Sign, even if he barely knows it himself, and his religious affiliation. And while there will be no checkbox on his, now, denim jeans, my intuition will tell me that he is not just looking for lust.

So, we’ll do that whole dating thing. And he’ll hop in the car with me for that aforementioned Idaho road trip. And his real-life version, the one that I met before having to decipher his methods of digital dialogue, will undoubtedly leave me begging for more.

Maybe, just maybe, my best friend will be right about this one (she’s usually right). Meanwhile, if you need me, I’ll be over here dreaming about the singles line on Peak 6 (and turning down more requests for pictures of my backside).

from Blog https://ondenver.com/please-swipe-responsibly/

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theconservativebrief · 6 years ago

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If you’ve ever experienced the misfortune of taking a photo of yourself that will end up on the internet, you have contemplated the weight of the following question: How should I move the muscles in my face to communicate my identity in the most socially correct way possible?

For many of us, the answer is clear: a smile, with teeth! And yet thanks to the proliferation of social media, dating apps, and technology that makes taking selfies infuriatingly addicting (curse you, portrait mode), human beings are now forced to pose for more photos than at any other point in history. And in that span of time, we’ve had to innovate.

Selfie trends are not new, exactly. Since the dawn of duckface in the mid-2000s — the act of pursing one’s lips and pushing them forward as if leaning in for a particularly theatrical kiss — we’ve replaced it with “sparrow face,” “migraine face,” belfies, T-rex hands, Bambi-ing, and that weird thing where teens cover their entire face with one hand, thus eliminating the purpose of a selfie in the first place.

Nearly all of said selfie crazes are performed by women, and we rarely discuss the ones percolating among men. But all along, there has been a single face that’s gone entirely unnoticed for the past decade-plus of its existence. It is this: raised eyebrows, and tightened lips.

“This is a face that says, ‘I’m kind of fun!’ but still reminds you, the viewer, ‘I am a tough, serious dude.” —Alex Kirshner

This face is everywhere. Though I have surely done it at one point or another, it is especially prevalent among guys who are somewhere in between teenagehood and middle age, the period of life most fraught with questions and doubts about one’s place in the world. It is a face that expresses this uncertainty — it is both happy and sad, surprised and indifferent, hopeful and cynical, studied and spontaneous.

And for a very long time, I despised it. Every time I’d see a crush doing it on Instagram (a lot!) I would experience a deep, full-bodied pang of cringiness. To me, it always recalled the fraudulent “who, me?” poses of early 2000s pop-punk lead singers, an expression of nice-guyness reserved for dudes who would later ask you for nudes via MySpace.

Today, though, I think the face communicates a certain world-weariness that I find incredibly relatable. The bewilderment of the raised eyebrows is offset by a tautness in the mouth that reads as disappointment. The eyes, too, often have a certain deadness about them. Which, same!

According to body language expert Traci Brown, what the face is actually broadcasting is that the person doesn’t really want to be taking the photo in the first place. “There’s no smile — their eyes are kind of wide. They’re doing it because they have to, like they’re forced into it,” she told me over the phone recently. It makes sense, then, that men might be more likely to make a face that screams, “I am uncomfortable!” while participating in an act that is often coded as feminine.

When I showed her a photo of professionally annoying 20-year-old social media phenom Nash Grier making the face, Brown described it: “He’s not showing emotion like he really wants to be there. He’s like, ‘Ah, I gotta take this picture.’ When his eyebrows are raised, that shows emphasis on a certain point. So he’s just trying to emphasize that he doesn’t want to do it.”

“The tightening of the face muscles you have to do to make the face in question here also comes with, like, a 5 percent smirk, almost a hint of a hint of a smirk.” — Richard Johnson

To find out why so many youngish men who are not former teen Vine stars are making this face, I asked a variety of them. As it turns out, there are a lot of reasons, from a desire to hide one’s “jacked-up teeth” to an attempt to erase all the sadness from one’s face and create a facsimile of happiness. Spoiler: A lot of the reasons are sort of dark!

“First, it avoids crazy eyes — not all of us can smize like Tyra. Second, it’s hard to get a real smile (with teeth!) right without looking like a goober. It took me roughly 1,500 selfies during my trip to Peru to get my easy, breezy, and convincing selfie smile down. Third, it mimics the face you make when you see someone and think, ‘Ah, what a nice surprise!’ Last but not least, it’s exactly what comes up when you Google ‘Confident Face.’ Try it.” —Max Garelick, 26, works in finance

“You start off wanting to get a selfie where you look natural, happy, and attractive, but in every picture, your eyes are closed or you smile like a serial killer. After, like, five attempts, you just do the face so at least you have a shoot with your eyes open [and] you don’t look totally pissed off at the world, and call it a day. Guys just don’t have the patience to take a good selfie.” —C.J. Martinez, 26, producer

“Why do I make the face? A few reasons:

When I force a smile, it looks like an alien trying to replicate a human smile for the first time.

When I press my lips together, my eyebrows kind of naturally rise, which does give an added benefit of reducing my fivehead back down to a forehead.

Unsure why I regularly include some sort of hand gesture. Thumbs-up, peace sign, hang loose, I’m also working on reclaiming the ‘OK’ hand sign. I think the hand just kind of helps fill out some of the negative space in the photo, or maybe it distracts the viewer from my face (another bonus).

“All of this is probably just made up to make myself feel good and I do it totally subconsciously.” —Kyle Jackson, 29, project manager

“I think the hand just kind of helps fill out some of the negative space in the photo, or maybe it distracts the viewer from my face (another added bonus).” —Kyle Jackson

“This is a face that says, ‘I’m kind of fun!’ but still reminds you, the viewer, ‘I am a tough, serious dude, and I barely have time to engage in such trivial things as selfies.’ It’s the pictorial equivalent of putting exactly one foot in the pool, so I’m participating but not vulnerable in any real way, because who cares about looks? I need to grow up.” —Alex Kirshner, 24, college football writer

“This face is a male equivalent of the duckface. It’s an entry-level, go-to, easy-to-pull-off pose for a man to use in a photo without much effort or risk. I usually choose not to make this face in any photo taken of me. Instead, I opt for a laugh/smile that instead makes me so squinty it looks like my eyes are closed because I’m blinded by the sun. Also not a good look, but it’s really all I’ve got. I think bros make this face because they believe it gives off a combination of mysteriousness and quirkiness at the same time. The raised eyebrows signal, ‘Oh, wow, you caught me off guard! Ha! Oh, a photo of me?’ which deep down is a way for the subject to justify the fact that they’re taking a selfie. The smirk is like, ‘I’m too cool for school but I’ll still take this selfie because hey, I’m a fun guy.’

“Sidebar: For some reason, I think it’s fairly accepted that women take selfies — but if you catch a guy trying to get a fit pic off in a public bathroom, it usually makes everyone feel awkward. I believe we should work together to reverse this trend and support the dude that’s just trying to flex a bit to feel good about himself.” —Max Levitzke, 27, works in solar energy

“It’s an entry-level, go-to, easy-to-pull-off pose for a man to use in a photo without much effort or risk.” —Max Levitzke

“I don’t usually take these types of selfies very often, but I feel like what it’s communicating is, ‘I wanna send you a pic of me smiling, but I don’t want to fully smile because that’s too cheesy, so here’s a pic of me with somewhat of a half-smirk so you know that I’m excited about what you’re talking about but don’t want to come across as overly excited.’ I know that probably doesn’t make any type of sense, but the male brain can be strange. I feel like I’ve sent these type of selfies usually through Snapchat so they can disappear. Also maybe men just aren’t good at taking selfies? I know personally I’m quite trash at it.” —Joe Ali, 25, shooter/editor

“Some combination of shyness and plain old male lizard brain command me not to smile. It’s something I’ve increasingly tried to override — smiling is good and makes everyone feel good! — but my instincts don’t want me to. I guess smiling feels like it’s too much? Or maybe I’d just feel exposed. I’ve got pretty jacked-up teeth.” —Seth Rosenthal, 29, video producer

“Ugh, I have made the selfie face you are referring to but I’m not sure I ever realized I was doing it until now. Add it to the pile of things to be insecure about. I think it happens a lot more when you have to take it for a dating app. I think the raising of the eyebrows is meant to, like, soften your face? Like, eyebrows up means ‘hey! :)’ and eyebrows down or neutral means ‘hey.’ As far as the tight-lipped thing, that’s just dudes not wanting to smile because it makes you vulnerable or whatever.” —Ryan Simmons, 30, video producer

“I feel like I’ve sent these type of selfies usually through Snapchat so they can disappear.” —Joe Ali

“I feel like this may be inherently a look with a hint of shame among us men, because in the traditional sense, dudes aren’t even really supposed to be taking selfies, are we? When the selfie really started taking off in the Myspace 2009-ish days, duckface was all the rage thanks to the mirror pic and there was no way in hell 16-year-old me was going to be caught dead doing duckface (because that was for girls, of course).

“Fast-forward a decade or so and maybe I’m still a little held back by the faux machismo prepubescent me subscribed to in regards to the selfie. Besides that, I think the face is also pretty neutral. I’m not gonna frown in a selfie because that would look dumb. But then again, if I flash some toothy grin in a solo selfie, that looks kinda dumb too. I mean, how happy am I really supposed to be about taking a selfie? The tightening of the face muscles you have to do to make the face in question here also comes with, like, a 5 percent smirk, almost a hint of a hint of a smirk. I’m too cool for school (and by school, I mean emoting in a tangible way).” —Richard Johnson, 25, sports writer

“Something to do with the perceived masculinity of selfies. Smiling naturally would imply that I enjoy this teenage girl ritual way too much. The eyebrow raise and nonchalant smirk gives the appearance that I don’t care about my appearance and that I didn’t retake this five or 10 times — even though they did.” —Zach French, 32, business development manager

“Is this what happiness looks like?” —Mike Imhoff

“I think (generally) guys are less comfortable taking photos than girls. But I think everyone has a game plan when it comes to photos. Instead of having to wing it, you just have your go-to because you generally know the outcome, the same way girls do the cross leg/arm bent on the waist/lean-in formula. (I tend to do this open mouth grin thing like I’m doing a big laugh.)

“Guys also potentially feel a certain vulnerability, or perceived vulnerability, when it comes to photos. Like, it’s uncool to enjoy being photographed. So the more you downplay it, the more comfortable you feel (like how guys follow everything they text with ‘haha’ or ‘lol’ in text, even when they’re not even attempting to be funny). —Mark Topel, 30, senior copywriter

“I would say it’s the equivalent of unnecessarily crumpling and eating a journal entry just because someone walked in the room. You need to hurry up and get all that deep sadness out of your face before the camera goes off. Is this what happiness looks like?” —Mike Imhoff, 30, senior director

As I expected, men have a lot of very different reasons for performing this particular facial expression. All of them, however, support the idea that being a person with a face who sometimes has to post photos of that face on the internet can be a very fraught activity — even for men. Who knew!

Original Source -> Why do guys always make the same face in selfies?

via The Conservative Brief

#IFTTT #The Conservative Brief

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optimisticpoetrypost-blog · 7 years ago

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