#i unironically need to watch the room because that's the type of energy that i need so desperately
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Maybe it's just me, but part of why I never really felt completely secure in being public about my own artistic endeavors was how... being proud of yourself in any capacity for any reason is almost a faux pas, if that makes sense.
I've noticed how it's almost expected to perform the air of humility, but is that humility? Is it humility to say, "Oh, I'm sorry for clogging your feed with my awful art" or anything to the effect of self-deprecation?
I think that's why I so often gravitate toward those who make "bad art." There's a sense of freedom that is only achieved with the level of hubris that being unashamed in the number of people who hate your art. I wonder, though, how many people don't hate the art as much as they hate that they can't chastise the artist into humility, into recognizing how "terrible" an artist they "actually" are?
#art#i have clinical enough anxiety to not need people to expect self-deprecation from me when i do anything...#i always find it fascinating and almost freeing to see an artist make their own shit and be PROUD of that work#i unironically need to watch the room because that's the type of energy that i need so desperately#i do genuinely wonder if the largest critics of some of the 'worst' pieces of art do just tend to hate that the artist is openly prideful...#...that it isn't necessarily the art itself that completely enrages them but that they don't have the weapon of shame and humiliation...#...to put the artist 'back in their place' (the bottom)?#maybe i've been overanalyzing people's intention but i do wonder#i'm not saying you aren't allowed to dislike art (i dislike SO much art)...#...what i am saying is not all hatred of art is created equal and not all of it is something that is really as bad as it's portrayed#i need to emphasize that you are allowed to dislike art for whatever reason. there's some art i don't like for pretty petty reasons...#...but i don't think that requires me demanding artists to be ashamed and self-deprecate whenever they dare show their pieces#i think so many people are conditioned into self-hatred that anybody who shows any level of self-respect is off-putting though#like that's something i've really noticed a lot#and i think this is an aspect of the trend towards seeing self-hatred as neutral and even good
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Tag game: Get to know me!
Thank you @abiaswreck for the tag! :] 🖤
1. Birthday?
8/11 (me and binnie are birthday twins)
2. Favorite color?
I'll say black but i dont really have a favorite!
3. How tall are you?
5’5 (and 3/4 thank you very much)
4. How many pair of shoes to you own?
somewhere around 14 idk i gave up on counting
5. Favorite song?
for skz probably ssick or easy but not skz probably ohio is for lovers by hawthorne heights
6. Favorite movie?
oh probably either the scream movies or unironically the twilight movies (theyre my childhood comfort movies)
7. Who would be your ideal partner?
Someone who makes me laugh and takes the time to understand me.
8. Do you want children?
I've said no for a really long time but i think if i met the right person and the circumstances were ideal then maybe.
9. Have you gotten in trouble with the law?
Not really other than a few times of being a stupid teenager nothing serious though. Watching my parents screw up a lot when i was young probably had a lot to do with that.
10. What color socks are you wearing?
oh god i hate socks so much. i only wear them when i have to and not a second longer.
11. Favorite type of music?
this is such a cliché but i really do listen to everything. edm, pop, pop punk, metal, sad songs, happy songs, hell on occasion even a tiny bit of country (only carrie underwood lets not get carried away)
12. How many pillows do you sleep with?
2! One horizontal and one vertical. Kinda like a half body pillow i guess? idk i have to be hugging something to fall asleep.
13. What position do you sleep in?
im a diagnosed insomniac so really whatever position my body finally passes out in... there's a lot of tossing and turning most nights.
14. What don’t you like when you’re sleeping?
Bright lights (a tv or any sort of light on an appliance) or dead silence i need a fan or rain or SOMETHING.
15. Have you tried archery?
Yeah actually my grandfather used to take me hunting when i was younger. I never actually killed anything but i got pretty good at hitting cans and targets :]
16. Favorite fruit?
ohhhhh either strawberries or blackberries or pineapple... idk i love fruit so much.
17. Are you a good liar?
I can be when I have to be. I hate lying though it always brings drama and negative energy.
18. What’s your personality type?
INFP-T
19. Innie or outie?
Innie
20. Left or right handed?
Both! but I mostly use my right!
21. Favorite food?
Pineapple pizza (fight me Christopher Bang)
22. Favorite foreign food?
Oh my grandmother makes Jag on special occasions and its one of my favorites. Other than that as of recently ive been eating japchae so much i literally have a craving for it like every other day.
23. Are you clean or messy?
sigh. my room? depression disaster area. Everything else in my life? Severe OCD neat freak (im talking labels, sorted by color and size, the whole nine yards)
24. Most used phrase?
buh. it really has no meaning its just a sound i make about 200 times a day. i also swear like a sailor so if not buh then probably cunt or fuck.
25. How long does it take you to get ready?
Depends on where im going and whos gonna be there. anywhere from 10 minutes to 45 minutes.
26. Do you talk to yourself?
Of course, im the funniest and smartest person i know. (on a real note my hyperactive imagination goes crazy so i spend most days rambling to myself about nonsense.)
27. Do you sing to yourself?
All day everyday like im in a fucking musical or something.
28. Are you a good singer?
Eh. ive been told i am but i think i could be decent if i took lessons.
29. Biggest fear?
Sharks/The ocean (its more a fear of the unknown because what the fuck even lives down there)
30. Are you a gossip?
Absolutely not. I learned my lesson in middle/high school that shit brings nothing but bad vibes and negative energy.
31. Long or short hair?
I wish i could say short because my hair drives me crazy most days but i also hate how i look with short hair so long i suppose.
32. Favorite school subject?
English or Criminal Justice/Forensics
33. Extrovert or introvert?
introvert but situational extrovert (ill be extroverted if theres someone more introverted than me solely because i cannot stand awkward tension) not quite an ambivert but somewhere close to one.
34. What make you nervous?
Groups of super outgoing people. I always get too afraid to talk in fear of ruining the flow of conversation or being talked over.
35. Who was your first crush?
idk probably justin bieber or nick jonas
36. How many piercings do you have?
4. Both of my ears and both of my nipples. i want to get my bellybutton done soon though.
37. How many tattoos do you have?
9 but im hoping to work on my leg sleeve again soon.
38. How fast can you run?
Depends on whos chasing me.
39. What color is your hair?
Brown right now. It was half black half blonde but i wanted to focus on getting my hair healthy for a while.
40. What color are your eyes?
Blue/Green/Gray depends on who you ask and the lighting in the room.
41. What makes you angry?
Not much im a pretty calm person but when im playing video games thats a different story.
42. Do you like your name?
No. My father chose it and i dont speak to him.
43. Do you want a boy to girl as a child?
IF i had a kid i would want a boy 100%. As someone whos mother had 3 babies when i was 16/17/18 i can confidently say little girls are the spawns of the devil and little boys are rays of sunshine.
44. What are your strengths?
Mental fortitude and my empathy for others.
45. What are your weaknesses?
I give second (and third and fourth) chances to people that do not deserve it.
46. What’s the color of your bedspread?
Light gray but i keep lots and lots of blankets around too.
47. What’s the color of your room?
Gray and dark blue.
Tagging for fun! Ignore if you don’t want it do it! Or ignore if you don’t feel comfortable!: @bbyquokka @lino-ppang @alphadisaster @aspenwritesstuff +anyone that wants to do this.
#pls ignore if you dont wanna do this#i hate tagging people because i dont wanna be annoying but i love being tagged in things#ashlee.talks
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Songs the Haikyuu boys would slow dance with you to...
CW; suggestive sexual themes
N/A, my heart nutted while writing this tbh
not proofread!!
© All content belongs to damnihateithere.
Kei Tsukishima
Dream A Little Dream of Me- The Mamas & The Papas
I don’t even know how i made this connection but i feel like tsukishima hums a lot of old songs and so this would be one of them
Or slow dancing in the dark by joji. it’s his favourite song. because of you.
Yuu Nishinoya
So Good At Being in Trouble- Unknown Mortal Orchestra
You’d rock back and fourth with him slowly while his lips press against the back of your hand— his eyes staring intently while he hums the lyrics
Shoyo Hinata
I’m Yours- Jason Mraz
So it’s not really something you can slow dance to but this is definitely his song for you. He sings this to you in the showers, during pillow talk, or drum the rhythm with his fingers against a Tupperware when he’s cooking something for you.
He’ll pull you in by the waist and nuzzle his head up against your back with a grin.
At this point it’s his favourite song because it always gets him in the mood. But that’s only because he thinks of you when he hums it.
Rintarō Suna
Versace On The Floor- Bruno Mars
OMG
okay so I imagine the two of you on some dance floor. Like at a club. I head canon that he’s good at dancing. Effortlessly too.
The music stops and and they choose a slow song to end the evening
You’re wearing a dress that cuts off mid thigh. And he’s in a little suit. His blazers loose and his collared shirt is buttoned down since it got a little heated in the midst of sweaty bodies practically grinding up against eachother
Underneath the red and purple spotlights, specks of iridescent lights from the disco ball hanging from the ceiling arrange themselves on your faces.
He’s singing the lyrics wholeheartedly with a fox like grin while his hands roam down to your ass. Although it’s intent was far from sexual.
Atsumu Miya
Corduroy Dreams- Rex Orange County
LOVE LOVES WHISTLING IT TO YOU
Definitely does kiss you in the shower for a couple hours.
He’s fresh out of the shower and he’s wearing nothing but a pair of sweatpants. Drops of water race down to his feet as they roll down his bare chest. You have your towel wrapped around your chest
One hand laced with his, he leads you in a slowing pace around the room with a chirpy smile.
Osamu Miya
Blessed- Daniel Caeser
i’m not sure how i made this conclusion but i’m gonna go with it
He has the prettiest voice when he sings along.
It’s not really dancing though. He has your back facing his chest while his arms enveloped on top of your collar bones and shoulders. He’s pecking gentle kisses against your cheek while rocking back and fourth to the song while you two prepare breakfast.
Keishin Ukai
Fly Love- Jamie Foxx
I imagine you two on some sort of resort of beach. You two are soaked of water but this song just happens to pop up so you stand there in his arms while he teasingly blows a cloud of smoke into your face.
Keiji Akaashi
HENTAI BY CIGARETTES AFTER SEX!!!!
okay for those of you who don’t know that song i know by the title of the song it looks sus and trust me he was definitely skeptic of it as well but give it a listen because now you’re all he ever thinks about when he hears this song.
he swears he’ll dance to this with you in his arms on your wedding day.
if you’re feeling angsty, he’d definitely hold you close and dance with you to the swan by camille saint-saëns
Wakatoshi Ushijima
I Hear A Symphony- Cody Fry
He loves how classy it sounds and it perfectly describes how he feels about you. hell it may even be his favourite song.
He felt like volleyball was his only purpose and for a while he was more than okay with that. until he met you and now he strives for more in life. Hence the whole “I used to hear a simple song” verse. loves putting emphasis in his tone when singing “perfection is so quick to bore...you are my beautiful by far” (only to himself of course) homeboy gets a little embarrassed when it comes to singing.
Daichi Sawamura
Nothing’s Gonna Hurt You Baby- Cigarettes After Sex
I don’t even need to have a scenario for this like he just radiates this energy:((
Like imagine his cheek pressed against yours while his hand weaves through your hair
Tadashi Yamaguchi
You say I’m in love- Banes World!!!!!!!!
Head empty just you and yams dancing to this song underneath LEDs and a ceiling projector
you’re all he thinks about when he sings this song
and bubblegum by clairo- he’d tell you not to focus on the lyrics but instead the instrumental portion. he says the comforting mellow beat reminds him of you.
Kenma Kozume
Nothing- Bruno Major.
Sings the lyrics to you
You’d think he’d be too shy and youre right but it’s because he does it subconsciously.
BRO THIS WOULD LITERALLY BE HIS SONG IN A RELATIONSHIP
Aran Ojiro
Ugotme- Omar Apollo
Such a good singer as well
When the two of you dance, you two dance.
His ability to dance is almost mesmerizing along with his singing.
Sings while covering your neck and collarbones with kisses
Satori Tendou
How Deep Is Your Love- Bee Gees
Also dramatically lip syncs the lyrics to you
Lifts you up into the air and into his arm almost five times mid dance.
He’ll shake his head with his lips pressed up against your neck while his hands trail upwards and toy with the hem of your shirt, his hands hungry with anticipation to just rip it off.
and you scold him when you feel his lips contort into a devilish grin.
Kotaro Bokuto
Hopelessly Devoted To You- Olivia Newton John
hear me out. He only knows this song because akaashi made him watch grease bc he says bokuto should be exposed to the “classics” and since watching it at age 12 with akaashi and bo’s two sisters, he’s prayed that one day he’d meet someone that’d make him feel the way that song did.
He does now and everytime that songs on he’s practically carrying you in his arms.
Tobio Kageyama
Love Me Please- OCTAVIO
this is the only song he knows with the exception of old kanye west because he considers his music grind music but you definitely put him on this song.
He’s literally a psychopath who doesn’t listen to anything EXCEPT like popular rap songs from 2017-2018. And even then he’ll only tolerate it when he needs to work out.
And then he meets you. Now he listens to music in a different aspect.
He knows he’s not the most romantic guy out there but he’s trying his best and you tell him that’s more than enough. He loves you so much.
Koushi Sugawara
This Side of Paradise- Coyote Theory
he’s dragging you out of the house to dance with you to this song. bonus points if it’s raining
he’s also the type to scream-sing to love songs.
There aren’t any cars in the vicinity due to the pouring rain so the two of you make your way to the road.
Your hand in his, he twirls you underneath the storm and into his arms.
Toru Oikawa
Pretty Boy- The Neighborhood
He’ll put so much emphasis in his tone on the “Even if the earth starts shaking, you’re the only thing worth taking- with me. Even if the sky’s on fire, got you here it’s alright.” verse
You’re literally everything to him
he won’t let you go even for a second until this song is finished even then he’ll have trouble parting.
Hajime Iwaizumi
Baby I’m Yours- Arctic Monkeys cover
It’s not even dancing at this point, it’s just you two cuddling and him pretending like he hates it even though he’s the one who refuses to let go of you.
Ryonusuke Tanaka
Knockin’ Da Boots- H-town
if he’s not dancing to this with you in his arms he’s definitely ironically grinding on the floor to this with a fuck boy face.
Hitoka Yachi
two queens in a king sized bed- girl in red
I just imagine the most “call me by your name” scenery type shit.
Or maybe like a field of flowers? You just have her in your arms on some sort of picnic date she planned for the two of you
Semi Eita-
I Wanna Be Yours- Arctic Monkeys
your arms wrap around his neck and his lips press onto yours while the two of you sway back and fourth underneath red led lights.
don’t be surprised if things get sexual.
Tetsuro Kuroo
Careless Whisper- George Michael
okay first he played this song when you were over once and he had it on so that he could initiate a little make out sess with you but when you could tell how nervous he was on making a move on you you told him that there was no pressure on anything and he sort of just danced with you instead. he ended up unironically really liking this song because of that.
(bonus: if it’s fanon kuroo he likes to dance to sway by Michael Bublé with you and the whole time he’s just eyeing you down with a sly grin)
Kiyoomi Sakusa
Beach Baby- Bon Iver
Space Song- Beach House
I imagine it’s raining horribly outside to the point where the thunder outside is retro boomin
but the windows are open because both you and Sakusa love the sound of rain pouring
he has this song playing from his record player while he hums against your neck.
#haikyuu!!#haikyu x reader#haikyuu headcanons#haikyuu oneshot#tsukishima x reader#nishinoya x reader#sugawara x reader#atsumu x reader#hinata x reader#suna rintarō x reader#suna x reader#osamu x reader#ukai x reader#akaashi x reader#ushijima x reader#daichi x reader#kageyama x reader#yamaguchi x reader#haikyuu kenma#kenma x reader#aran x reader#tendou x reader#bokuto x reader#oikawa x reader#iwaizumi x reader#tanaka x reader#yachi x reader#semi x reader#kuroo x reader#sakusa x reader
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Ok modern zuko would be an expert at breakdancing and sokka would be the guy who just bi-panicks whenever he does
(whoops, my hand slipped and I accidentally wrote a modern au headcanon turned zukka karate au one-shot)
Okay but consider this instead: Zuko doesn’t know how to dance for shit and has horrible rhythm, but he is a GOD at martial arts. He’s been doing some type of style since he was a kid and is a full black belt by the time he hits high school. Martial arts was always something he excelled at, but it was also something that made him feel more secure. It was something he could work on to help him protect himself from his home life, even if it wasn’t enough most times. He specifically excels in weapons forms (I’m thinking twin sais) and you DO NOT want to spar with him. Because he may be skinny and shorter, but he’s quick and can hit hard at just the right spots.
When he was younger he was obsessed mainly because he felt that belt rankings and trophies from competitions were a way to prove himself to his dad, but when he moved in with Iroh (who encouraged him to keep it up and was so proud of how talented and passionate he was about it), he basically used it in place of talking about his feelings. He didn’t talk about his home life or the shit Ozai did, instead, he put all his energy into his black belt levels, learning new weapons forms, and eventually into teaching new students as a junior instructor.
At school, he’s awkward and asocial and just doesn’t have the energy for people. Zuko has little patience for asshole classmates who ask intrusive questions about his scar or spread rumors about where he got it. He eats lunch in his English classroom and would be a complete shut-in if Iroh didn’t get him to work part-time at the Jasmine Dragon. But in the dojo, he’s focused and is able to direct his energy into improving his forms and teaching younger teens.
One of his newer students transferred from a different dojo after moving from a different state. He’s actually a freshman at Zuko’s high school but it’s not as if Zuko really interacted that much with him. This kid, Aang, is as talented and dedicated as he is, but has a long way to go to learn all the new katas. Zuko’s been dubbed the ‘scary’ trainer at the dojo. He’s the serious one who will yell if someone is goofing off and everyone’s seen that he has no problem using full force in a demonstration (little kids love him and he’s super nice to them, but he teaches the 12-15 age range). Plus there’s that scar, which doesn’t make him the most initially welcoming person. But this new kid Aang just latches onto Zuko immediately. He says hi to Zuko in the halls at school and works on his katas outside of regular practice times. At first Zuko thinks this sickeningly positive kid is annoying as crap, but warms up to him. He likes that Aang cares about martial arts and isn’t nice as a show, he’s just genuinely nice.
And maybe he sees Aang hanging around school with a sophomore girl and her brother who just might be in Zuko’s calc class and English class.
And maybe Zuko thinks this guy is insanely attractive and somehow incredibly funny even though most of his humor consists of the worst puns imaginable.
But obviously, Zuko hasn’t attempted to ever actually talk to this guy. The most that he could classify as ‘talking’ to the cute, funny guy on the robotics club is the one day in English class when he had to respond to someone’s dumbass comment about Macbeth with what ended up being a ten minute spoken essay about obvious motifs and symbolism. To which Mr. Puns and Ponytail was very obviously paying great attention to and even gave Zuko a smile and thumbs up for.
Zuko knows it’s pointless to engage. After all, he’s a senior and he doesn’t have any friends anyway. There’s no point in making any this year. Crushing on this guy from the comfortable position of the other side of the room is totally good enough for him. Totally. This is fine. He’s fine.
Besides, he’s got competitions and if he doesn’t secure the regional championships this year he’s never going to get the chance after he goes to college. And he’s got his kids to train. Aang in particular is gearing up for his first debut into this area’s tournament.
The tournament’s in October and usually, Zuko focuses on his own matches and performances, but Aang really wanted him to watch his set. So on this day, he stands on the sides of Aang’s zone instead of obsessively going through his katas in a corner.He’s not going to be able to watch the whole set because it overlaps with his own weapons portion, but he stands on the side and gives Aang a reassuring look that, ‘don’t worry, you’ll do great, you’re a talented kid,’ when his student looks over to him nervously.
And wouldn’t you know it? Aang brought some friends to come watch. And one of them is Mr. Zuko’s Big Gay Crush.
“Oh, hey Zuko,” are the words that come out of this guy's mouth that give Zuko a near-stroke. And damn if this guy’s eyes aren’t blue and pretty and he usually wears his hair in a ponytail at school, but now he’s wearing it down and Zuko wishes he could take screenshots with his brain because holy moly.
“Hey.” Is the best that Zuko can get out of his dumb mouth. “You’re Sokka.”
“Aang invited us to come watch,” Sokka nudges his head to indicate the ‘us’ includes his younger sister, who Zuko doesn’t know the name of. “How do you guys not get heatstroke during these things? It’s like a million degrees in here.”
“Oh the gi’s pretty cold, I mean, it’s got air and stuff.”
Zuko decided right there that he would be completely fine with being struck by lightning. Of course, that’s what his stupid brain would come up with. Of course, that’d be the thing he’d say in front of one of the smartest guys in his class.
They watch Aang perform his set for the judges. Zuko recognizes that Aang took his advice when he said that he wasn’t putting enough force into his hits. He’s never seen Aang be as, well, aggressive isn’t the right word, but he’s definitely putting more power into his form. Zuko wouldn’t admit it, though, but only part of his attention was for Aang at the moment. The other part was for Sokka, who was smiling bright and pumping his fists when Aang completed a row of kicks.
The small part of Zuko’s brain that wasn’t being taken up by watching Aang or trying to act normal around his crush noticed the clock on the wall indicating that the weapons portion would be starting in five minutes.
“I’ve got to go do a thing so I’ll just, um, go do that now.”
“Are you competing too?” Sokka asked.
To this question Zuko just holds up his sais and raises his eyebrow as if to say ‘it’s a tournament, what do you think?’ Because yeah, he knows Sokka���s super smart, he’s seen him churn out calc answers at the speed of light and noticed his name on the robotics club awards update on the school’s website, but he’d also seen Sokka eat 5 packs of fundip at once on a dare and unironically wear a ‘women want me, fish fear me’ t-shirt for most of junior year. Somehow he had managed to fall for the smartest dumbass on earth.
“Oh yeah, right.” Sokka eyes the sais and then looks right at Zuko’s face, “Aang says you’re really good.”
Zuko decides that thinking about Aang talking to Sokka about him was something he didn’t need distracting him during his set. That was something he could anxious about later.
“Hopefully good enough for those five assholes,” Zuko replies, gesturing to the panel of judges in the weapons section of the gymnasium. To his shock, Sokka laughs. It’s a nice laugh, too. And Zuko really hoped he could blame the blush that was one-hundred-percent creeping up his face on the lack of AC.
“You know, you’re pretty funny man,” Sokka tells him. Zuko has no clue how to take that compliment, but he really does need to go.
“Right,” he grins nervously and shifts his left foot around to bounce away, “well I have to go do my thing.”
“Good luck!”
That’s where Zuko thinks the beginning and end of his interaction with Sokka would be.
The weapons portion thankfully goes by age. And since Zuko’s one of the youngest competitions, he gets to go first for his sai katas. This is what literal years of training have prepared him for. At regionals last year, the second advanced kata got him placed high enough to qualify for states. This is what he’s good at. He tells himself that a thousand times before starting his set.
There’s not a thought in his head as Zuko goes through the form. The sais glide through his fingertips with every jab, block, and hook. The imaginary opponent doesn’t stand a chance. He’s cool and competent and graceful. It’s therapeutic in a sense. There’s enough adrenaline to make Zuko feel like he’s worth something, but more importantly, he knows he’s nailing this. Whatever the judges say about it, he knows that he’s perfected this form after practicing it at least a thousand times over three years.
The judges agree with him. He’s the first competitor of the weapons portion but there isn’t really a doubt in their minds about who’s going to place.
Zuko zones back in to the gym after bowing to the panel. He walks off, feeling lighter and letting a satisfactory smile take over his face.
He expects the hug from Uncle and the proud smile from Sensei Piandao, but what he doesn’t expect is to see Sokka, eyes wide as globes, staring at him from the other side of the mat.
Because what Zuko doesn’t know is that the second he turned his wrists in his first form during his hooks, Sokka’s brain went into Full Bi Panic Mode.
And Zuko thinks the one conversation where he couldn’t talk like a human and wanted to die for most of it would be the only time Sokka would decide to willingly talk to him. Zuko is dead wrong. Sokka, in fact, has decided that this, this is the guy his Disaster Bi Brain has decided to latch onto. Sokka’s brain and all his squishy feelings have apparently decided to attach to this aloof kid with the scar who reserved his voice for eloquent, impassioned speeches about dramas and was apparently an actual god with weapons. Sokka decides that Zuko could roundhouse kick him in the side and he’d thank him. And right now Zuko’s looking at him with a dumbfounded expression, prompting Sokka to remember how to function so he can go over to congratulate Zuko and maybe ask if his dojo provides a free trial.
So yeah, that one conversation ends up decisively not being the end of anything.
#sorry#not sorry#zukka#zuko#sokka#atla#avatar the last airbender#fanfic#I'm gonna edit and add to this#and probably updated something on my ao3 in the first time in a literal month#thanks babe for the inspiration#the babes are asking#hot leaf content
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per your post "every single one of the monsters is autistic and/or adhd" will you elaborate on that?, if you do i will love you forever (not that i wont if you dont do it)
oh boy i would love to!!! unironically nothing brings me more joy than writing long, convoluted character analysis posts
---
okay so i’ve written several posts before about why andrew is autistic. his moral code, the roundabout way he communicates, his body language, his stimulation-seeking behavior, his strict adherence to transactional deals, the emphasis on honesty, and a dozen other details. at this point i just take andrew being autistic as fact, not just an interpretation
h o w e v e r i also hc that andrew is dyslexic, which is also a neurodiverse condition
- - -
similarly, i’ve seen more than one person interpret kevin as autistic, and i absolutely agree that it fits. not just the hyperfocus on exy but mostly the way he communicates. he’s very indirect, especially in his affection but very direct with his opinions. he tries to be helpful in a material way to the people he cares about, even if he comes off as negative. he wants the people he cares about to be safe and successful so he pushes them to work hard and reminds them in measurable ways how to stay healthy. he doesn’t factor in a lot of room for emotions, so instead he focuses on quantifiable things that he can improve. i personally act very similarly. approaching someone emotionally is hard for me, so when the people i care about have problems all i can think to do is try offering solutions, check up on their well-being, etc. practicality instead of conventional sentiment is extremely common with asd
- - -
so now let’s talk about neil. i had to think on this one for a WHILE but ultimately came to the conclusion that neil is adhd, probably hyperactive type.
like obviously neil is high energy. i would say he probably does the most exercise of anyone on the team. morning run, morning practice, afternoon practice, night practice with kevin and andrew, plus he doesn’t have a car so he runs to class (on a BIG ass campus), and goes for an extra run when he feels stressed. that’s... insane, honestly.
neil reminds me SO MUCH of this post that goes:
“Was just informed by my mom that I do in fact have ADHD and the reason I thought I didn’t was because ever since I was seven whenever I got super energetic my mom would have me go chop wood so now when I’m feeling The ADHD I go chop wood”
(phenomenal post) and that’s neil to a t. tell me this isn’t exactly how neil handles his problems and also exactly what mary would have had to do to keep her unmedicated and very energetic son focused on the task of staying alive
neil also definitely has that ADHD on/off switch with his interest. the obvious being exy which is like the definition of a hyperfixation, but you can see it in other things: the way he runs totally hot or totally cold with people, his complete disinterest in his schoolwork, the way he can’t seem to sit still long enough to follow movies. but then there’s also the hyperfocus. doing the same drill for hours on end. watching exy game after exy game. staring at andrew until time falls away
what’s more, neil on many occasions shows racing thoughts, both in an anxiety way (and anxiety often goes hand-and-hand with adhd) but also as a way to quickly and accurately take in details about people to build a character profile of them. this is what allows him to connect with the foxes, how he manages to get through andrew’s puzzles, and even how he knows what to say in order to knock riko down a peg. his brain just works so fast and it takes in a lot of very specific details and disparate information to make connections.
but also like,, neil has a HUGE problem with time blindness. like the instant he didn’t have his mother around to manage and direct him anymore he lost all sense of time. he stayed in Millport for a YEAR. and what did he keep telling himself during that time? basically “i really need to move on, but not just yet.” for a YEAR! then he gets to palmetto and he’s like “i’ll cut and run in a month or two” then he doesn’t “i’ll be gone by halloween” wrong again “i’ll leave by the raven’s game” nope. like,, the boy just has NO sense of time and he can’t seem to make himself DO anything outside of an externally enforced schedule. and even then,,, HE HAD 48 FUCKING DAYS TO FIGURE OUT SOMETHING TO DO TO NOT GET MURDERED! 48 WHOLE DAYS. he didn’t make a plan, he didn’t write down any letters with goodbyes, he didn’t GO TO THE FBI LIKE HE’D INTENDED TO THE WHOLE TIME! nah he just made out with andrew and when he finally got to zero he was just like “ah shit, that was fast. oh well guess i’ll die” and that’s time blindness, babey!
---
let’s move on to nicky.
now i think it would be really easy to say nicky is just adhd because he’s high energy and forgetful but tbh,, i don’t think that’s all of it. like if you really look at nicky’s character and especially at his problems, he has asd problems just as much as he has adhd problems.
so nicky is dual diagnosis asd and adhd. also nicky reminds me a lot of a girl i used to know who was autistic/adhd
so, adhd:
very generally speaking, ppl with adhd will struggle with sitting still, listening to and following instructions, planning/organization, following a schedule, and some social boundaries like “appropriate” times and topics of conversation
i would say you see hints of this with nicky. he’s definitely a rambunctious personality, constantly on the move, constantly stimulation seeking. he’s very tactile. he likes to dance, he likes to party, he complains about it but he’s an elite-level athlete. he’s also decidedly very chatty, and doesn’t seem to really pay attention to what he’s saying. he distracts himself and the people around him have to keep him on track. he has some trouble with boundaries. he’s a little all over the place. he’s almost a bit of an adhd stereotype
also one thing i find interesting is that when neil sees him in the library doing work neil is surprised to see he’s capable of that, especially bc when we see the upperclassmen doing work they generally do it in their dorms or on the bus and/or with other people around. that hyper-social nicky would be alone in a quiet place is weird. but this is like the most common tip for dealing with adhd. don’t do it in a familiar space. have a designated space and time to do work. limit distractions. just a lil detail
so now, asd:
in all honesty, most of nicky’s actual problems in the narrative could be viewed as stemming from asd symptoms. his number one issue being that he has a lot of trouble with nonverbal cues (and tbh, verbal ones too). the twins are mostly quiet. andrew especially (when he’s sober) communicates primarily nonverbally, and nicky seems to have a lot of trouble with this. despite knowing them for the longest on the team, nicky honestly seems to have the least insight into the way either of the twins actually thinks or processes things. he loves them, and he’s very forgiving of them, but he fundamentally doesn’t understand them.
the twins, andrew especially, put up a LOT of nonverbal boundaries, and nicky sort of inadvertently keeps trampling all over them. he’s touchy in a way they don’t like. he talks a lot about their personal lives to other people. he treats them like they’re joking when they’re serious. etc. and like,,, you kind of get the sense that the upperclassmen feel similarly about him. beyond the homophobia, beyond the fact that he’s loyal to andrew, the upperclassmen still treat him with this sense of,, bafflement, i suppose? it’s clear that they don’t really understand him and he doesn’t really understand them. although, nicky IS curious about the upperclassmen, while the upperclassmen are pretty dismissive of him. it reminds me of when my sweet, floppy dog tries to play with my cat. their body language is different; they’re each receiving different signals than they believe they’re sending out
only,, nicky loves people!! he likes being around them, he likes talking to them. he’s interested in their lives and stories, but it’s very clear that he can’t read between the lines on people. he has an incredibly hard time with people who expect their actions to speak for them, which is most people, but is especially his cousins.
actually this is very much also an issue that i have: things need to be spelled out for me. the way i deal with it is i ask a lot of questions. ‘how do you want me to react to this potential situation?’ ‘what are specific things that make you most comfortable?’ ‘please explain to me exactly how you feel and what has prompted those feelings?’ and i’m always communicating vice versa like that with other people. a lot of specifics in both questions and answers
and the interesting thing is, when i was skimming through the books reviewing dialogue styles for another ask, i noticed that, actually, nicky DOES do this. with neil and the upperclassmen, nicky asks a LOT of quick, clarifying questions. things that ask after tone, that ask after intent. it’s kinda sad that he does this for communicating with acquaintances, but with the twins, the people he’s closest to, he makes a lot more assumptions. and i’m really proud of nicky for having this coping skill, because i can’t imagine it’s something he grew up doing. there’s no way he was raised in an environment that fostered this kind of open communication so it must have been something he learned about much later, probably in germany with the kloses, which would also explain why he’s a lil imperfect about it
---
now last but not least, aaron
this is another one i had to think through for a long time before it felt like it fit
much like how i felt that it would be easy to read nicky as simply adhd rather than also asd, i think it would be easy to say aaron is autistic simply because he is quieter, less rambunctious. however, i actually think he’s adhd, likely primarily inattentive type
in all honesty, aaron’s #1 character trait for the first two books is basically that he’s disconnected. detached. separated both from his family and his team. not in the same forcefully apathetic way that andrew is, more,, spaced out. he’s just kind,, there. not really paying attention to what’s going on, tuning in every once in a while only if something really catches his eye/ear then tuning right back out again. just sits in his corner and plays on his phone. and the thing is, from the moments when he does tune in, you can tell that he actually does care. he backs nicky when seth insults him in tfc, and we know he cares deeply about andrew even if he’s become disillusioned with their fraught relationship. he even hangs with his family, doesn’t seem to really try and slip away to other friends besides katelyn, he’s fine spending his leisure time with the monsters. so it’s not totally apathy, he’s just,,, tuned out most of the time
and, yea, that sounds like adhd. it’s not the type that most people are familiar with, and for a lot of people this causes it to slip under the radar. it can make it hard to get help or a dx because it doesn’t fit with how adhd “should” look or how someone “should” act, but difficulty focusing your thoughts and staying in tune with the current moment is absolutely part of adhd
addiction is also a huge problem for people with adhd. a lot of stimulants affect people with adhd very differently than neurotypicals, especially in small doses, and an adhd kid who’s struggled their whole lives with the disorder might try speed or god-forbid meth or fuck even coffee and suddenly find that things are a lot easier for them. they start to self-medicate, they don’t actually know what they’re doing, and then they’re addicted, and everything spirals out of control. we don’t know too many details about aaron’s addiction other than that his mother enabled him, but wouldn’t this fit? it’s also an explanation for aaron still taking drugs at eden’s, given that cracker dust seems to be a mild amphetamine. (aaron talk to betsy about the neurocog and get an actual prescription please)
(total throw away but aaron plays videogames and videogames are like,, adhd culture)
#Anonymous#txt#andrew minyard#kevin day#neil josten#nicky hemmick#aaron minyard#my posts#im talkin#cw addiction#cw addiction mentioned
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My Very Queer Wolf Pack Headcanons:
Sam
Trans man.
Likes to read for escapism. His favorite book is 'The Hobbit'
He was on the track team in high school and still likes to run in human form in the mornings.
Only child. Mama's boy af.
Secret passion for cooking which he may or may not have picked up from Emily.
Jared
Class Clown™ type consisting of dad jokes and vine references.
Best hugger award
Says "bro" and "dude" unironically
Likes to watch bugs bunny cartoons on saturday. It is his favorite routine and will not be interrupted.
Refuses to wear shoes. Its flip flops or nothing.
Paul
Learned to play the drums to release his anger.
If he roasts you, you will burn.
Sore loser, but working on being better at it. Is currently banned from monopoly.
Loyal. Will hide that body for you no questions asked.
Disaster bisexual
Quil
For my purposes, Quil is a cis girl.
Artist. Constantly doodling on everything. She got in trouble for drawing a 'mural' on the living room wall when she was 5.
Lost her left leg in an accident. She has a prosthetic leg that she decorates in washable marker so she always has a fresh canvas.
Vehemently hates modern art. Will fight you over it.
Big Gay™
Embry
Also a cis girl because I said so.
Her favorite subject is English and she wants to be a writer. She doesn't know if she wants to be a journalist or write a book, as long as she gets to put words on paper.
Dabbled in poetry. Had an Edgar Alan Poe phase.
Sleeps with her phone off. If you need something past 10pm that's on you.
Will not function before an entire pot of coffee.
Leah
Trans woman. Her whole family was loving and supportive, and Seth was thrilled he had a big sister to annoy now.
Wants to study to be a vet.
Surfs competitively and has a shelf of trophies
Works at a local animal shelter. She privately adopts and rehomes the pets that would get put down otherwise.
Very competetive. She and Paul race everywhere and it annoys everyone.
Jacob
Ace/Aro. Love? Sex? Nah man, car parts and horror movies.
Learned how to fix cars from his mom, who learned from her dad. He works at the autobody shop his grandpa owns.
Surprisingly good singer. Loves jazz.
Dad friend energy
Late owl. Sometimes stays up till 6am working on his current project.
Seth
Looked at the gender options presented to them and politely said, "No thank you."
Has a tiktok and makes references that no one but Jacob understands.
New person? New friend.
Believes math is the root of all evil.
Picky eater. Hates peanut butter, fish, peas, radishes, pineapple, etc..
@leahclearwaterdefensesquad @sethrights @paulxlahotee @leahclearwaterqueen @embrycallsmuffin @seth-clearwater-stan
#wolf pack#queer twilight#the wolfpack#the twilight saga#twilight rennaisance#twilight revival#twilight saga#twilight#twilight headcanon#sam uley#jared twilight#paul twilight#quil ateara#embry call#leah clearwater#seth clearwater#jacob black
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tutorial level lore (for real)
i didnt proofread this after 1.75 hours of typing and that's your fault because i said so
expect typos and nonsense
CORRUPTED:
everybody forgets about him like wtf,,,.???? i swear everybody just goes "HIIIII IM SO HAPPY ALL FOUR OF US ARE HERE" "please i'm right here"
playlist mode also forgot about him 😢
to be fair i forgot about them until right as i started typing
also needs a hug. actually fuck that they all need a hug
the,,, the shortest,,... i i cannot..... they're short oh my gosh
probably one of those wiggly cactus fucks but like angry at everything
also the youngest out of all of em.... babeyyyyyyyy...
110% has a cool scarf i mean come on guys
ok to differentiate between corruption and this fucker's name i'm gonna give him a capital C at the start
tbh they all have that certain vibe that i can't explain rn rn but corrupted and blixer the most so uhhhhhh they vibe together share a vibe yeah
unironically dabs
probably the less focused on MURDERING spicy player shapes
"Okay look ASSHOLES I was the first out all of us to be pink so y'all should really treat me with more respect" they don't
has the best song and ill fight you over that
would look rlly cool if they were like....... not Corrupted just not them
glares at chronos every time he says wink out loud.
his last name's probably kyle
CHRONOS:
doesnt have a face anymore. it's a clock now.
NO his face doesn't mostly tell the time accurately and that pisses logic off the most.
ironically dabs
maybe the tallest but maybe logic's taller i haven't rlly decided yet ok ok
he cant right now he's dunking his bible in milk
rlly wants to eat food sometimes so he just yeets like fucking corn flakes at his face. milky ways also sometimes yeets corn flakes at his face.
"Wowwwww you guys have FACES??? smh."
maybe believes the world is flat
types for 20 minutes after you insult him online
would set fire to the tree of life and watch every second of them burning
the tree's probably fireproof tho and like i don't think fighting the fucking shape goddess went well last time??? didn't it??? now u dont have to worry abt getting ur face hurt that's for sure
Probably part enderman at this point like what the fuck how did you get out of that locked room???? You just see him fucking leave out of another room like OK CHRONOS
says wink out loud
does the most jobs for the tree (outside of what they all usually do)
what they're supposed to do (teach those spicy player shapes to not die) isn't what they actually do now (try to kill spicy player shapes unless they're good enough to not die and get the fuck out of there!!!)
Genuinely misses having a face.
MILKY WAYS:
she has the most braincells. and eyes. three eyes. (and three braincells)
second shortest,!!! will fight you
probably the most reliable at reading anything
"okay guys it's been fun but i'm going to space now" *walks out of the room*
probably would be like rlly competitive in video games and like whenever they suddenly win when you were about to win you hear them gleefully cackling thats actually rlly wholesome wtf me
"guys is the world flat yes or no" "does my life depend on the answer???" "YES. YES IT DOES, CHRONOS." "uuuuuuuHHhhHHhhHh"
probably added megalovania to the group's playlist (if they had one.................)
the tree of life definitely once yeeted the fucker she just grabbed her fucking face and went YEET!!!!! no idea why but that 100% happened
played minecraft and left a review saying there wasn't enough squares
fought Corrupted and won
"i'm gonna munch. i'm gonna crunch" just steals somebody's fucking c h i p s and SPRINTS away
strong shitpost energy tbh??
doesn't know the difference between astronomy or astrology
nobody can see any stars™️ where they live and she rlly wants to see stars™️ (it's her aesthetic ok) (smh) (you wouldn't get it)
they might just be in the fuckign void thats not rlly an aesthetic
LOGIC GATEKEEPER:
doesn't understand most memes tbh
YAAYYYYYY SECOND TALLEST.... or NOT!!!!!!!!!!
"guys ur not being logical....... 💔"
would whisper wikipedia articles to you <3
i'd say they could do the best maths out of everybody but rlly i dont trust them with 1 + 1
unironically would type like... this... sometimes...
"guys why are you awake it's like 3 am" "shut the fuck up logic we're eating stolen c h i p s"
probably has rlly cool legs (i forgot to delete this but now i'm kinda liking what me 10 minutes ago said)
they maybe broke 1 law but it was just one of the laws of reality (like a fucking nerd smh)
T-poses regularly to assert dominance over the three shorter peasants.
actually the only one that still likes the tree of life. "GUYS GUYS SHE'S COOL WTF???" "logic please she fucking deleted my face"
fought Corrupted once and lost
favourite flavour drink is water
everybody probably calls them logic because saying three more syllables is just too hard
BLIXER. THAT FUCK:
angry!!
also dabs but maybe???? ironically (he doesn't know either anymore)
wtf he's directly middle height to everybody (bht he's taller than everybody in that stinky new game form though so good for him)
punches stuff!!!!!
"guys where are my c h i p s"
he has a pupil but only sometimes for no reason
probably went into the tutorial gang like wayyyy after everybody else so he's the new shape™️
"hey guys check out this neat selfie" he just shows them an image of sans
kinda "died" but he actually just took over the world
the tree of life also tells everybody what they need to know rn rn so like she just went "heyyy yeah he died 😭 have fun guys" and went off to go be mean to him for like. ever.
he is a cat. he will never forget that. everybody keeps reminding him plEASE GUYS
ahhhhhhhhhh!! water scary
types for a fucking hour if you insult him online
rlly needs a hug
tired 24/7
probably wears a hoodie. all the time. even in the summer.
most focused on spicy player shape murder.
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Some fluff hc for shouto with a s/o who lip sync love songs to him
todoroki shouto x reader
warnings: pure fluff
word count: 1,665
A/N: i loved this request so much as soon as i started actually writing it out, like ngl at first i was like OMG HOW DO I WRITE THIS, but i figured it out. anyways i now how over 200+ followers and that has me Q U A K I N G so i wanna do something fun for all you people i manipulated into liking me LOL, i hope you enjoy anon! please let me know if you do :D (edited because song lyrics messed up on mobile)
if you had to be known as something in class 1-a, it would be for your ability to effortlessly perform karaoke ((even if you weren’t that good of a singer, you were entertaining)) and the classes bimonthly lip-sync challenge extravaganza champion
you had won five out of the eight competitions, not that you were keeping tracks or anything
you just loved the energy of a good lip-sync, it was basically acting for people like you and your peers who were not made to be movie stars
so it really did not surprise anyone when you joined the baku-squad to randomly approach your fellow classmates, and school mates and break out in a flashmob type performance, only with lip-syncing (minus bakugou because he refused to even participate in these actions)
so the second you began unironically lip-syncing at every time of the day, your boyfriend shouto was both ready, and not ready in the slightest
it started off small
when you and shouto had planned a date to go off-campus and plain and simply “get lost”
shouto knew immediately he had made a mistake when he asked you if there were any plans tonight so the two of you could go out, and you squealed pulling out your phone and picked a great song
“Do you got plans tonight, baby? I was hoping I could get lost in your paradise. The only thing I’m thinking ‘bout is you and I, And I-I-I can’t get you off my mind, Can’t get you off my mind. I can’t seem to get you off my mind, yeah. Let’s get lost tonight, Let’s get lost tonight, Baby, you and I can’t seem to get you off my mind. Let’s get lost tonight.”
you dramatized your actions as Shawn Mendes voice filled his room.
“well, if I’m being honest, maybe I should date him instead…”
“TODOROKI-KUN!”
it then happened again a few days later, you had been baking with the girls in preparation of midterms because sweets always helped make the suffering the tiniest bit more bearable.
you, however, needed to study, and despite shouto’s everyone’s disproval, you still were actively participating in baking when you and mina weren’t busy trying to contract salmonella by eating the different batters when momo and tsu weren’t looking
“y/l/n, you need to study…” shouto spoke as he watched you spill the contents of the flour bag into a measuring cup for momo
you shook your head defiantly, already knowing that your boyfriend was going to come down and tell you to leave and so you were ready, so you merely raised your phone,
“But girls, they wanna have fun. Oh girls just want to have, That’s all they really want. Some fun. When the working day is done. Oh, girls, they wanna have fun. Oh, girls just wanna have fun.”
you playfully danced around the kitchen as your lips never stopped moving in synch to the lyrics, and you made your way over to shouto, a grin on your face
pressing a kiss to his cheek you giggle, “I’ll be up once we put everything in to bake, I promise!”
as soon as you had returned to shouto’s room to study, he was giving you a very judgmental look as you kissed him, a smirk on your face as you clicked play
“y/l/n, I swear if you play what I think you’re going to–”
“Oh no, not I, I will survive. Oh, as long as I know how to love, I know I’ll stay alive. I’ve got all my life to live, And I’ve got all my love to give and I’ll survive. I will survive!!!!!!!”
you wiggled your eyebrows at shouto who accurately assumed what song you’d lip sync for him
shouto stared at you, a complete deadpan
as you laughed in supreme joy of getting the boy annoyed, the laughter turned into shrieks as shouto launched himself towards you, tickling your sides
“I WILL SURVIVE!!!” you cackle in between gasps of breath as he kisses you softly
weeks later, you held yourself in attempt to bring warmth to yourself in your cold room because even with two blankets and the heater on, you were cold
stupid winter
deciding to risk getting caught by night owls like kaminari and sero, you snuck into shouto’s room where he was writing a letter, most likely to his mother because he hadn’t had the time to go see her recently
“wow, the old man is still up!” you say in honest shock and complete playful mockery
“now I regret staying up so late, I have a crackhead in my room.” shouto responds back and your jaw drops
he was so good being witty, it was unfair
“shouto, I’m cold.”
“I don’t feel cold.”
“wanna dance with me?”
“I don’t really want my feet to be stepped on…”
you puffed your cheeks out in mild frustration as a knowing smirk sat on shouto’s face, he had gotten too good at detecting when you would serenade him with another lip-sync, but even if he had deflated your joy in annoying him, you still played the song
“yeah, im still playing with it, deal with it!”
“Oh, I wanna dance with somebody. I wanna feel the heat with somebody. Yeah, I wanna dance with somebody, With somebody who loves me. Oh, I wanna dance with somebody. I wanna feel the heat with somebody. Yeah, I wanna dance with somebody, With somebody who loves me.“
you smile contently as shouto allows you to snuggle up close to him as the two of you sway slowly in his room and you realize quickly how less cold you feel
“are you using your quirk?” you whisper into his chest unsure if the heat now flooding your system was created by shouto, or caused by him
“hm, no. do you want me to?”
you smile and shake your head, “I’m perfect right now.”
it’s your guys’ graduation ceremony, and as an old tradition, your class was going to go out all together. it was mina’s choice and so she chose for the class to go dancing at some club for 18+-year-olds.
you stood ready in your favorite partying outfit knowing that tonight was going to be one of the final nights where you would not be obsessed with hero work and would be with your high school family like this
you were scrolling through your phone looking for a song that you wanted to lip-sync to shouto before you all left because it had been weeks since you had an epiphany and you hadn’t gathered the nerve to tell him it yet
“Hey, y/l/n-chan, can you go get todoroki? he’s the only one not down here yet.” mina asked and you nodded your hand
“you guys can go.” you insisted as you had found the perfect song, “we’ll catch up!”
the class nodded knowing that the two of you weren’t the type to hookup during the time and so they left taking most of the part excitement with them
gathering your nerve, you climbed up the stairs to shouto’s room, your phone grasped in your hand
you walked in on shouto wearing a pair of plain black slacks and a simple white T-shirt that was snuggly fitted, and you choked on your tongue at his appearance
shouto glanced over at you and smiled, “what song is it? I’m not really aware of any hurry-up-now-please songs.”
with a shaky finger, you pressed play on the song, tucking away the phone and walked towards shouto who turned and looked at you in near disbelief
“Wise men say only fools rush in, But I can’t help falling in love with you. Shall I stay? Would it be a sin If I can’t help falling in love with you? Like a river flows surely to the seaDarling, so it goesSome things are meant to beTake my hand, take my whole life tooFor I can’t help falling in love with you. Like a river flows surely to the sea. Darling, so it goes, Some things are meant to be. Take my hand, take my whole life too, For I can’t help falling in love with you, For I can’t help falling in love with you.”
you break away from shouto who you had wrapped your arms delicately around his shoulders as you managed to sing along with the song, a blush staining your entire face, tears misting in both of your eyes
“I-i’ve fallen in love with you.”
and poor shouto has no idea what to say, so instead, he reacts
he places a kiss to your lips as he holds you close
“I’m in love with you, too.”
I honestly had sooo much fun with this??? I love doing lip-synch during finals week because the stress of everything really makes songs entertaining to perform!!! songs are listed here by order of appearance: is Lost In Japan by Shawn Mendes, Girls Just Wanna Have Fun by Cyndi Lauper, I Will Survive by Gloria Gaynor, I Wanna Dance with Somebody (Who Loves Me) by Whitney Houston, and Can’t Help Falling In Love by Kina Grannis. (((its the cover from Crazy Rich Asians and I love that cover, fight me)))
bonus!
it had been four years since graduating and shouto was getting ready to propose and the entire class 1-a was waiting for shouto to arrive
“how do you think he’s going to do it?” uraraka sighs dreamily as she stares at her engagement ring on her own finger
“better not be fucking stupid.” bakugou mutters from the opposite end of the room
“I don’t know about you guys, but if shouto doesn’t propose by lip-synching ‘Marry Me’ by Jason Derulo, or ‘Perfect’ by Ed Sheeran, I think I deserve to take y/n from him.” kaminari joked as he remembered that old playful thing you and everyone else were semi-obsessed about
“I’ll take some of that action!” mina laughs
everyone quiets up as shouto walks in, “so, I have an idea. I hope you guys like it…”
#todoroki shouto#todoroki shoto x reader#todoroki x reader#todoroki headcanons#todoroki fluff#bnha writing blog#bnha#bnha x reader#bnha todoroki#bnha headcanons#mha#mha x reader#mha headcanons#mha todoroki
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#33-“Don’t be nervous, it’ll be fine.” After I read this, I pictured this situation in my head, but feel free to do with this as you please. Love your work :) Everyone has left after game night, but Lena has stuck around to get some alone time with Kara, as they’ve both been busy lately. Both are a little tipsy at this point and Lena suggests they play a game. Confessions and more ensue, making them both realize they may be more than friends.
drabble prompts
33. “Don’t be nervous, it’ll be fine.”
Kara lingered in the doorway to her apartment, watching the last of her guests trickle out her front door. She wished each one of them a safe trip home with a warm hug and a cheerful wave for good measure as they disappeared down the hall. Kara locked the door and turned around to survey the damage, espying her final guest that idled by her couch, drifting between the living room and kitchen, humming softly to herself. Lena.
Game night had once again been a resounding hit, as evidenced by the dishes and empty pizza boxes strewn over her counter. Lena weaved through the mess, scooping up discarded glasses and setting them in the sink.
“Oh, you don’t need to do that! I can get it.” Kara called, crossing the open floor space towards Lena who looked up from the armful of plates she was now loading into the dishwasher.
“I wanted to.” Lena offered a gentle smile in response and Kara felt her heart beat a little faster at the brief flash of her perfect teeth.
“Well, thank you. It makes cleaning up much easier.” Kara said, maneuvering around the island counter to fold up the massive stack of empty pizza boxes.
Game night turnouts had grown considerably in size, requiring an occasional drawing of straws to see who was in charge of bringing food. Tonight, the burden fell on Kara who threw in the towel on cooking for a party of 9 and just ordered pizza. In hindsight, it was definitely the lesser of two evils, and she was growing increasingly glad that her plates and wine glasses were the only dishes to be done tonight. With the rest of the trash that she had already collected, Kara figured it was well worth the mess.
-
By the time she had taken the garbage out, Lena was finishing wiping down the counters with a paper towel and a spray bottle of surface cleaner.
“Oh, Lena you really didn’t have to!” Kara said as she crossed the room to the kitchen sink to wash her hands. She already felt embarrassed for leaving her guest alone, but making her clean up in her absence?
Lena however, just crumpled the paper towel that she was holding and discarded it in the nearby trash can.
“It’s really no burden.” She said with a nonplussed shrug. “You can just pay me back by taking me to lunch this week.” Lena caught her eye and winked as she set the bottle of cleaner down.
Kara felt her face redden. She shut off the water and dried her hands on the towel that she had hung over the oven handle.
“Hey…” She spoke up as Lena was reaching for her coat.
“Hey yourself.” Lena turned to face her with a playful grin, and Kara could help but smile back.
“Why not stay a while longer?” She offered, hoping that she didn’t sound too eager. “I mean. We haven’t had a chance to spend time together, so why not catch up a bit now?” Kara could see the offer enticing Lena, the affection in her growing smile warming Kara from the inside out.
Truthfully, Kara had been elated to find out that Lena was coming to game night, partially because it meant that she’d be able to see Lena Luthor, billionaire CEO eating a slice of pizza. The two of them hadn’t spent time alone together in several weeks, and frankly, Kara was having withdrawals. She had missed the shared laughter and Lena’s nerdy science babble. She loved to hear her talk about what she had been working on down in her lab at L-Corp. It fascinated her to learn so much of this planet’s true capacities for discovery and exploration, and she knew that Lena loved having someone to talk to about it.
Won over, Lena set down her coat again and Kara cheered a silent victory for herself as she opened her cupboard for a clean pair of wine glasses. She filled one with the wine that had been opened earlier that evening, and the other with an alien equivalent made from a type of fermented pit fruit from the Antares System. She turned and handed the first to Lena and took a small sip, musing over the taste before topping her glass off and taking both bottles with them over to the couch.
-
The night drew on, and as the contents of their glasses decreased, the sounds of laughter and cordiality grew. By the time Lena had suggested they play a drinking game, they were both tipsy.
“Alright, how about Never Have I Ever?” Lena offered, placing her hand on Kara’s upper arm. Kara froze, there was something in the way Lena maneuvered her hand along the defined swell of her bicep and either she was more tipsy than she thought, or Lena had just given it a soft squeeze. Kara narrowed her eyes in trepidation.
“Mm… Are we sure that drinking more is a good idea?” She asked, only half expecting Lena to answer. Lena leaned closer.
“Aw c'mon, don’t be nervous, it’ll be fine!” She waved her hand nonchalantly, and Kara was beginning to wonder exactly how much they’d had to drink; but the alcohol was starting to envelop her in a buzz that nestled in between her shoulder blades, rippling all the way down to the small of her back and up through the base of her skull.
“Eh, alright.” She shrugged, throwing caution to the wind and picking up her wine glass. Lena grinned.
“Okay:” She began, “Never have I ever needed glasses.” She threw her eyebrow up, waiting for Kara to drink.
“I’ve never actually needed glasses to see.” Kara said with a cheeky grin. Lena, already prepared for her answer, replied tauntingly,
“But you still need them to suppress your heat and x-ray vision.”
Kara opened her mouth to argue but snapped it shut again, defeated.
“That’s dirty…” She gave Lena her best frown of disapproval.
“Bold if you to assume a Luthor would ever play fair.” Lena said as maliciously as she could. Kara pouted, but drank anyway.
“Ok fine then; never have I ever…” Kara paused to think of something Lena had done but she hadn’t without poking too hard at her family history, “Unironically enjoyed listening to Blink-182.” Kara grinned, knowing that she had struck gold and Lena’s jaw dropped.
“Oh, god. I regret having told you about my music taste in college.” Lena muttered as she drank. Kara laughed.
“You did this to yourself, you could’ve played fair.” She chastised.
“What? That play was totally reasonable!” Lena argued.
“Only because you were exploiting the technicality of people usually associating the term ‘needing glasses’ with needing to see!!” Kara countered.
“Okay, fine! I’ll try again: never have I ever fallen for a coworker.” Lena said, clearly trying to reference Kara’s crush on James from a year and a half ago but paused, “Oh wait, shit.” She murmured just as Kara was about to drink.
“What?” Kara asked, setting her glass down.
“I just realized that means I have to drink as well… I MEANー” Lena stopped herself before she could do any more damage. The excitement surrounding their game of Never Have I Ever diminished instantly in light of the words that had just escaped Lena’s mouth.
“What?!” Kara pulled a throw pillow into her lap, hoping she could pretend to be happy for Lena long enough to convince her that she wasn’t absolutely shattered by this news, “Okay now you have to tell me!”
Lena shuffled closer to her on the couch so that they were face to face. Kara felt the fluttering of her stomach twist into a sailors knot as Lena slid into her space, her hands exploring the tops of Kara’s thighs.
“How about I show you instead?” She whispered. Kara could feel Lena’s breath tickling her skin and was in the midst of asking what Lena had meant when their lips met.
Revelation sent a jagged bolt radiating through her, jumpstarting her muscles like she had been shot full of yellow sun energy. Kara felt her body tense and then immediately relax into Lena’s touch. She felt herself become dizzyingly light to the point where she had to open her eyes to ask herself if she was floating.
Whether that was the alcohol or the hungry press of Lena’s lips was beyond her and she found that she didn’t even have the capacity to care as Lena was now crawling into her lap to be held as her tongue lapped at Kara’s upper lip. With each touch of Lena’s lips against her own, Kara found that more and more oxygen was disappearing from her lungs. Kara leaned heavily up against the arm of her couch as Lena hovered over her, their bodies pressed together. They came apart gasping.
“Gosh…” Kara whispered as Lena laid soft kisses along the edge of her jaw down to her neck. “Lena…” She sighed and Lena hummed contentedly in response.
Lena sat back to look at Kara who appeared about as disheveled as she felt dazed. “I’m sure you know this by now, but… I like you. A lot.” Kara said sheepishly.
“And I’m sure you definitely know this by now, or at least I really hope you do, but I like you too.” Lena said in response, leaning down to kiss Kara again.
“Should we take this slow?” Kara murmured between the kisses that threatened to incapacitate her. Lena nodded.
“I’d love that… And we can start with lunch this week.” Kara laughed and pulled Lena’s face down to hers once more.
“Deal.”
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J’ai tout ce qu’on rêverait d’avoir (Shiro x Coran)
Summary: Skint student Shiro signs up to a Sugar Daddy finder. Ironically, of course.
Pairings: Shiro/Coran, Sven/Slav, past Alfor/Coran
Warnings: death mentions, adult humour
Notes: Thanks to @phyripo for listening to me ramble about this terrible idea
I don't even know how to explain this. Ever start writing something for a laugh then get weirdly invested in the characters and their backstory? Also I fucking love Shiro x Coran unironically fite me.
AO3 lonk
...
He was doing this ironically, Shiro told himself.
He’d made one damn joke to Matt and in the one hour he’d set aside to take a nap, had been inundated with… websites. Websites he hadn’t even known existed, let alone been aware of how abundant they were. Thanks, Matt. He was now a little less innocent. And had a little less faith in humanity.
In all honesty, Shiro should probably just message Matt back telling him to fuck off and get back to his assignment. Or do a late night food shop. Or do literally anything that wasn’t browsing sugar daddy websites. But his body was on autopilot and he probably couldn’t stop himself if he tried.
He didn’t actually want a sugar daddy, right? It had been a joke! He’d just wanted to vent his frustrations at having yet another asshole treat him like an intruding bug at work because God dammit it wasn’t his fault if a meal wasn’t up to the customers’ standards, or was taking too long. Did he look like some verbal punching bag or something?
Also he was doing his masters degree now, and accumulating more debt than he knew what to do with. He wasn't sure he could pole dance with one arm either.
Could he actually get a sugar daddy to agree to pay off his tuition fees? Or at the very least his maintenance loans and groceries.
No because he wasn’t actually after a sugar daddy!
Most of these websites only accepted female sugar babies anyway. He did find a few that he could join, but for the love of all things good in the world he wasn’t about to for real.
Shiro leaned back in his desk chair, imagining, just for a moment, what it would be like to have a sugar daddy. Horrible. It would be utterly horrible. The image of him wheeling some 90 year old around Abercrombie and Fitch then having lunch at some overpriced boutique restaurant whilst everyone glared at him judgementally because they would all know what the fuck was up was not a pleasant one. And then they’d go back to his penthouse apartment overlooking the Thames and-
Shiro thought he would throw up.
This was a terrible idea.
Thankfully, his phone beeped and gave him an opportunity to think of something else for a second, even if it was his best friend’s lasy ass messaging him on discord from the next room.
DankMattMatt: Yo you check out those links yet?
Shiro scowled at his screen.
DankMattMatt: Reply, coward.
Shiro decided to not do that. Five minutes of staring at the login screen of one of those websites he was not going to join later, and Matt had something else to say.
DankMattMatt: oh MY GOD ARE YOU SIGNING UP TO THEM?????
Shirohfuck: nOOOOOOO
DankMattMatt: you aRE!!!!!
He wasn’t! He swore it!
Shirohfuck: Yes but ironically???
DankMattMatt: ironic sugar daddy?
Shirohfuck: yeh
DankMattMatt: moronic sugar baby
Shirohfuck: No.
Shirohfuck: I can’t think of a good username????
Unsurprisingly, his mind was devoid of any intelligent thought as he told himself over and over again he was mostly curious about what the website looked like once you were set up on it, how it worked and what sort of questions he would be asked.
And maybe to see if there were some guys on there that didn’t look one shag away from a heart attack.
DankMattMatt: hmm
DankMattMatt: How about Takashi_Shirogains
DankMattMatt: because you’re always at the gym working on your gains???
Shiro snorted. The last person who should be talking about gains was Matthew Holt.
Shirohfuck: that’s the worst thing I’ve ever heard
Shirohfuck: I love it!
Shirohfuck: I’m not always at the gym though???? Just when I need to de-stress.
DankMattMatt: So all the time??
Fuck you, Matt.
Shiro ignored him and typed in his new, terrible, username. It didn’t matter, really. He was just here to have a look around, and see just what kind of people signed up to this and what kind of messages he’d get.
He was a man of science, and therefore curiosity only came naturally to him.
DankMattMatt: oooh, I got it!
DankMattMatt: fifty-shades-of-shirogrey
Shirohfuck: NO!!!!!!
The next page seemed to relate to the bulk of his profile, either what people could see or what the site would base his matches on. He didn't fucking know. It also looked longer than some of his assignments.
Shirohfuck: holy fuck that’s a lotta questions
DankMattMatt: bring your laptop out here dude I need to see this
Shiro sighed, scooped up his laptop and downed the last of his beer. The idea of signing up to a dating site for a laugh with Matt didn’t seem so bad. He’d probably liveblog it which technically counted as writing down their findings, and therefore it was an experiment not anything else. For science!!!
When he trudged into the living room of their flat he found Matt still working on his drinks cans Christmas tree, a weird tradition they’d had since they’d been freshers, because Matt saw someone do it on the internet and therefore needed to try it himself, the walking meme.
Oh well, saved on buying an actual Christmas tree.
Shiro wondered whether they’d bother buying real decorations this year or, like always, just balance Matt’s pokemon toys and alien waifu figurines on it again. Probably the latter. Who said a Japanese guy and a weeb couldn’t be best friends?
Whilst Matt was occupied with sellotaping energy drinks and beer cans together, their other flatmate, Sabhajit ‘Slav’ Pawar was typing away at a laptop, probably doing something more productive than signing up to - thanks, Matt.
“Oy, sugar pup,” Matt drawled, pulling tape out of his hair, “while you’re up, grab that bottle of Absolute in the cupboard and two shot glasses – wait, Slav?”
“Wot?”
“Wanna watch Shiro sign up to a sugar daddy finder?”
Slav raised an eyebrow at Shiro, who flushed an ugly shade of maroon and buried his face in the kitchen cupboard.
“You know that there’s a 38% chance this is the reality where I fail to hand in my assessment on time?” He did seem to be looking over with interest though.
“Those are pretty good odds,” Matt reasoned, “and besides, how often do you get to see Shiro try and pull creepy old men?”
"Oh, next to zero." Slav nodded, but he still looked unsure. Matt groaned.
“Just bring your work over here. And Shiro? Make that three shot glasses.”
“I’ll definitely be needing it,” Shiro placed the vodka on the coffee table, sweeping empty cans onto the floor and ignoring Matt’s protesting.
“So, if it works out for you, should we all think about signing up?” asked Slav, settling down on Shiro’s other side, just to make sure he was sandwiched between the two terrible enablers.
“You’re dating my brother,” Shiro reminded him, “you’re not allowed.”
“Well I’m gonna,” said Matt, “unless, you know, it doesn’t work out for you Shiro. Our pioneer. Boldly going where no Holt or Pawar has gone before. Or at least I hope my sister has never been on these sites.”
“Thanks,” Shiro scoffed, then his smile fell; “I kinda feel bad, you know? I don’t wanna catfish people.”
“You’re not catfishing anyone,” exclaimed Matt, “you’re literally filling in your profile honestly!”
Shiro chewed his lip. “But what if someone sees my profile and falls in love with me? And I’m just doing it for a laugh.”
Matt rolled his eyes. “Yeah I don’t think it’s that kind of website. Slav?”
“Yeah?”
“What’s the chance of Shiro meeting his soulmate on here?”
“Zero point five percent.”
Matt grinned. “See? Now, what profile picture should you use?”
They soon decided a selfie Shiro took on a lads holiday to Ibiza last year really fit the bill, given that he was shirtless and at the beach. It screamed 'I suit luxury, please pamper me'.
“Don’t worry,” Matt assured him, “you’re the best-looking guy I’ve seen. Ever.”
“And with this picture showing off how strong you are,” added Slav, “there is an 80% chance you’ll find a millionaire willing to date you within seconds.”
Shiro wasn’t so sure. “Guys, d’you think a picture without my prosthetic would be better? What if it puts people off?” That being said, why the fuck did he care?
“Shiro,” Matt placed a hand on either side of his face, “I’m gonna be honest with you: if someone has a problem with your prosthetic, they’re not worth your time. Like, even if they’re millionaires, don’t bother. They’re scum and you don’t need them in your life.”
Shiro stared straight into Matt’s eyes, at his steely determination, and nodded. “You’re right, bro.”
“I know I’m right! And besides,” added Matt with a wink, “there are probably people into prosthetic limbs. Like, I bet there’s websites and everything.”
How in the fuck – Shiro was speechless. He wasn’t sure he wanted to know further.
“Well that’s a load of shit,” he mumbled, turning back to his profile.
“I’m fairly certain it’s what Slav has,” commented Matt.
“I just think his arm is cool!” Slav cried, a little too defensively. Shiro wondered if he was qualified to launch himself into space yet.
“Whatever,” he grumbled, “I’ll just keep the picture.” He still had a lot of bullshit questions to get through before he could start nosing at other people’s profiles.
“What’s next?” asked Matt.
“Age, location, simple enough.” Financial information? He chuckled at that. “Where’s the ‘broke as shit’ option?”
“Just pick the lowest bracket I guess,” offered Matt. “Minimal, yeah that sounds about right. Hmm, build?”
“Is there a ‘sculpted’ option?” asked Slav. Shiro snorted.
“Athletic, buddy.” He clicked the box, hoping the profile pic suggested as such; he’d been on some strong cocktails and donner kebabs for the entire week. “I need a heading, apparently, like a title?”
“Space daddy,” said Matt immediately.
“I’m looking for a daddy, genius,” Shiro’s face fell; “I don’t actually have to call them ‘daddy’, do I?” A couple of his exes had taken to calling him that and he'd soon acquired a slight distaste for the word.
“Space puppy?”
“Why do you keep calling me that? Pup?”
Matt scoffed. “Don’t you even know sugar bowl terms? A sugar pup is a male sugar baby. So you, now.”
“I wouldn’t call myself one yet,” Shiro groaned, “the profile’s not complete. There’s still an opportunity for me to pull out.”
“Oh I think there’ll be a few opportunities for you to pull out,” Matt commented, then, when Shiro groaned and cradled his face in his hands, slung an arm over his shoulder, “you kinda walked into that one, buddy.” His other hand was used to execute a terrible high-five with Slav.
“I know and I hate it.”
The three soon decided ‘lost space boy’ was probably a better header.
“Hey you can add more photos,” Slav commented.
“Nice, I guess.” And so Shiro wasted another five minutes trying to decide which photos made him look the most athletic, and handsome. He wanted a wide range of messages, after all, to collect the best data. Science!
“I don’t have children,” he said aloud when they reached the next page, “unless we count you too.”
“Please don’t,” whined Matt, “we’ve both hit on you – that’s weird!”
“Now you know how I’ve felt for the past half hour.”
“Smoke?”
“Nah.”
“Drink?”
“Yes please.” Shiro took another shot before checking the ‘casual drinker’ box. Matt and Slav just judged him silently. Shiro ignored them, filling in his education level instead.
“Oh, an ‘about me’. How fun.” Shiro never knew how to fill out those damned things, but with the help of his two terrible friends, he managed to cobble together a not-totally-terrible description of himself.
Hi, I’m Takashi Shirogane, and I’m a 25 (well, 6 if you only count leap years) y/o postgrad student studying astrophysics. I’d love to become an astronaut one day, or failing that help launch astronauts into the void.
In my spare time, I can usually be found at the gym, or exploring the city. I’m particularly fond of the science museum! I’m a hard worker, and my idea of fun is a well-earned rest, or reading a good book. I like my alone time, but I also value strong friendships with my wonderful bros. So even if we don't hit it off romantically, we can always maintain a friendship!
And now to tell the potentials what he was actually looking for in them.
“Money,” said Matt firmly.
“You can’t put that,” argued Slav, “you have to beat around the bush!”
“I know, damn.”
Shiro ignored them, wondering just what he’d want if he was being serious about this, and began to type.
What I’m looking for is someone to have deep conversations with, someone who will make me feel special and cared for. I don’t want a walking credit card, but someone I can have a fun, adult relationship with. Someone with similar interests would be a bonus too! Not looking for short term or FWB, sorry.
“Not bad,” Matt gave a whistle as Shiro added a few tags, and that was it. Profile complete.
“Well now what?” asked Slav after ten seconds of silence.
“We wait for the daddies to roll in, duh,” Matt rolled his eyes, though Shiro had to wonder how long that would take.
“Oh wait,” he muttered, leaning closer, “my profile hasn’t been activated yet. They have to check all my information, I guess.” And with that thought in mind, the trio dispersed. Shiro made his way into the kitchen, Matt promising to call him if he got any messages, and threw a prawn tikka masala in the microwave. Slav was finally released from his curiosity hostage situation long enough to continue his assessment.
Dinner made – at 1 in the morning – Shiro settled down to have a browse whilst he waited. Apparently, he could make a Wishlist of things he wanted to be bought, but decided against it, much to Matt’s protesting that he needed a new laptop. Shiro told him to go back to his Christmas tree of disappointment.
A two hour nap later, and Shiro had ten messages.
The first message was asking for nudes. The second wanted pictures of his feet, of all things. Shiro decided not to reply to either.
Shiro, Matt and Slav amused themselves by taking turns to do dramatic readings of increasingly creepy messages until they were blushing up to the ears. This continued with each new message, until they got to one that wasn’t as awful. Thankfully.
CoranCoranGorgeousMan: I'm attracted to you like the Earth is attracted to the Sun-with a large force inversely proportional to the distance squared
CoranCoranGorgeousMan: I’m also a fan of your muscles!!!
CoranCoranGorgeousMan: I don’t know why I said that
CoranCoranGorgeousMan: both those things, really!!!!
CoranCoranGorgeousMan: I’m so sorry!!!!
“Fuck that’s actually sweet,” Matt commented.
“Yeah, he seems nice! Or shy, at least.” At last, someone he would actually like to message back.
“Might want to tell him you’re not mad then,” said Slav, “before he completely has a breakdown.”
“Oh, right.”
Takashi_Shirogains: Hey dude don’t worry!
Takashi_Shirogains: Honestly this is the sweetest message I’ve gotten yet??
“Should I send him a silly chat up line back?” he asked.
“Go for it!”
Takashi_Shirogains: Every time i look at you i feel like an astronaut...your beauty makes me float.
CoranCoranGorgeousMan: !! aww!!
“I should probably check what he looks like,” Shiro commented, hurriedly clicking on this strange man’s profile. Hopefully this guy wasn't a munter, or old as fuck. There had been a tiny profile pic, yes, but hardly visible, just an orange blur. Like Garfield's pubes or something.
Now he could see quite the collection of photos.
“That’s… that’s a pretty big moustache,” Matt noted.
It was. It nearly covered his mouth, bright ginger to match his hair. There were two other things Shiro noted immediately, the first one being his love of brightly-coloured shirts – sequins, swirls, the lot. The second one was that his smile: no matter what picture he was in, he always had the goofiest but kindest smile Shiro had ever seen. It certainly put him at ease.
"Could you fucking imagine that thing tickling your balls," exclaimed Matt, still on the moustache, apparently.
Slav gave a whine. "Matt, please!"
"Oh yeah! I'm sure your boyfriend knows all about that."
Shiro mimed throwing up whilst Slav scratched at his patchy beard and moustache. "That's my actual brother you're talking about!"
“45 years old,” Matt commented, ignoring them, “could be worse.”
“Yeah at least he’s not 70,” agreed Shiro. He wasn’t that bad looking either. Yes, the moustache was ridiculous and he was somewhat older, but there was something charming about him, charmingly handsome, even. He looked like he’d be equally able to provide a good joke and the exact comforting comment you needed to hear.
“Even his name is eccentric,” said Slav, “Coran Hieronymus Wimbleton Smythe. Who has four names? Especially ones like those.”
“I’ve never met a ‘Coran’ in my life,” Matt added, “didn’t even know it was a name; thought it was a book, to be honest. Then again, if my parents named me that I’d probably end up being a little eccentric.” He already was a little eccentric, but the other two decided not to comment.
Shiro just stared at the photos. Everything about this man was batcrap insane and, for some reason, he absolutely loved it. Maybe he just gravitated towards weirdos, but he wasn’t complaining.
“Dude he’s fucking loaded!” cried Matt, jostling his shoulder and pointing at Coran’s earnings, or what he claimed were his earnings. Shiro tore his eyes away from Coran and his garish shirts to actually study his profile.
Okay, he was a casual drinker too, interested in men, didn’t smoke. Under number of children he’d put ‘prefer not to say’. Shiro wondered what that meant. Did he have like ten?
“Woah, he’s a CEO of his own company,” he commented, “congratulations to him, I guess.”
Matt looked at him curiously. “A little infatuated, are we?”
“He seems nice,” Shiro reasoned.
“Yes but what has he put about himself?” asked Slav, scrolling down.
Matt snorted. “So what’s the probability of this guy being a serial killer?”
“Five percent.”
“I’d risk it. For that money.”
“Did either of you see he was a widower?” asked Shiro with a pang. Poor guy. How did he even bring that up in conversation? Well, not right now, for starters.
“What if he murdered his husband?” asked Matt. Slav looked at him in horror.
“You can’t say that! That’s horrible!”
“It might be true!”
“It’s highly unlikely!”
Shiro just busied himself with reading Coran’s profile and holy fuck did it confirm the man was the strangest human being on the planet.
Erm, hello there, weary internet traveller!!! I, Coran Hieronymus Wimbleton Smythe, would like to welcome you to my dating page!! I hope you find out what you need to know here, but to help, let me tell you a little about myself. I must say, it is quite the saga!!! I shall try not to tell every story here though, or we’ll have nothing to talk about ourselves!
Forty five years ago, on quite the historic day, I was born in Wellington, New Zealand, with a dream. Although, I probably didn’t have this dream as a baby, I probably dreamt about shitting myself and drinking milk. Anyway! The dream was education!! As a boy, I was fascinated by the world around me, and beyond. My interests were varied, but all relating to science. Then again, I suppose everything relates to science, in a way. I kept a collection of crystals and interesting rocks, whilst simultaneously looking to the stars with my little telescope. I also had a collection of fossils I’d found, and it was safe to say my parents were probably a little relieved when I packed my bags and went off to university!!!!!
It was there that I studied astrophysics whilst maintaining a love of drama and the arts, naturally. In my time I’ve travelled to the US to work with NASA before settling down in the UK, where I remain to this day. Not counting holidays and business trips, I suppose.
I am now the CEO of New Horizons, a company that makes science kits and equipment for the curious child!!!
It has not been an easy climb to the top, and I’ve had to deal with everything up to fighting a bear!!!! Yeah, I don’t live in the US anymore for a reason. I also had some trouble with a shark on holiday to Australia once and it didn’t end well. For the fucking shark!!! Shame, really, I hate hurting animals but you must do what you must in the name of self-defence, right?
I would say I was closest to my grandfather as a boy, and he taught me all he knew about geology! And everything, really.
As well as science, my hobbies include museums, watching plays, writing screenplays, water skiing, butterfly collecting, yodelling, flying, engineering and dance. I also love spending time at the beach!
I speak various dialects of English, as well as Māori, French and Mandarin, and apparently, I can do quite a convincing range of accents! I also love learning new languages, so if you speak a language I do not, never fret! I will soon learn it for you, my future dear!
I'll also just say it right fucking now: I will drink you under the table!!!
My favourite colour is baby blue and my favourite films are ‘what we do in the shadows’ and ‘hunt for the wilderpeople’. I listen to anything really, though I prefer classical and jazz. I have heard some of your young people music, though, and I must say I’m fucking impressed!!!
Oh fuck, it seems I’m running out of characters. Well, I hope that was enough to glean something of my personality.
Cheerio!
“I love him,” Matt muttered, “like, I wish he was my uncle or something. Or even just a guy I could go on the piss with. I’d probably end up dead but it’d still be the best night of my life!”
“I want to listen to all these stories of his,” said Slav, “he’s probably a genius!”
“Not as big a genius as you though,” said Matt, “is there anything you don’t know?”
“How to be emotionally stable?”
“Dude, same.”
“I’m speechless,” muttered Shiro, silencing them both. This couldn’t be a real person, surely. His mind seemed incapable of working after reading about Coran’s life, and yet, he was pretty sure he’d be willing to believe it all.
Also, pray tell, what the fuck Coran?
“What does he want though?” asked Slav, “what is he looking for in a person?”
“Himself, probably,” Matt smirked. Shiro ignored him, and read on.
I suppose what I want in a romantic partner is romance, plain and simple - a deep bond and something long term. If that sounds intimidating, I’m sorry and I hope you find someone more to your tastes!!!
I can be incredibly doting, I promise, but I guess I also want long conversations about science and our lives too. I also would like someone not opposed to more cultural days out, though I’m open to fun of a more simplistic nature too!!!
“He means fucking,” said Matt.
Shiro rolled his eyes. “Or going to a club, maybe?”
I’m also partial to discussions regarding conspiracy theories, and am always interested to know which ones you believe, and which you find completely ridiculous. If you have any experiences with aliens, I’d love to hear all about them too!
“Shiro, run. He’s probably part of a cult.” Matt’s jaw had almost hit the floor by now.
“I think he sounds interesting,” Slav sniffed. He, for one, loved a good conspiracy theory, and was certain this was the reality where alien invasion was inevitable.
I don’t want to dwell on the physical, but I do have a thing for muscles!
“He’s your soulmate,” said Matt with such determination that Shiro couldn’t tell if he was joking or not.
“He is brilliant,” he reasoned.
“Why don’t you message him back then?” asked Slav.
Fuck. He’d forgotten about that little message notification.
CoranCoranGorgeousMan: You still there?
CoranCoranGorgeousMan: I haven’t scared you off, have it?
CoranCoranGorgeousMan: Ooops, in that case I’m sorry!
“I’d have messaged him quicker if his profile wasn’t so damn long. And terrifying.”
Takashi_Shirogains: No no! I was just reading your profile!
Takashi_Shirogains: Interesting life!
CoranCoranGorgeousMan: Why thank you!!! All true, I can assure you!!!
Takashi_Shirogains: good to know!
CoranCoranGorgeousMan: nice to meet another scientist, may I add!!
Takashi_Shirogains: same!
Takashi_Shirogains: nice to meet someone who doesn’t want dick pics
CoranCoranGorgeousMan: Now I never said I didn’t
CoranCoranGorgeousMan: I’m joking!!!!!
Takashi_Shirogains: good to know omg
“He’s not joking,” Matt insisted.
“Shut up.”
Takashi_Shirogains: so what brings you to the sugar bowl?
Takashi_Shirogains: I mean I signed up for a laugh but you seem nice so?
“I had to be honest about that,” he explained, “I’m not catfishing this sweet old man!”
It was imminently clear from Matt’s face that Shiro had said something dumb as fuck. “Okay, firstly, you’ve used all your correct information, so it’s not catfishing, still, and secondly, maybe he’s catfishing you. Also he’s on a website in the hopes of basically paying people to date him.”
Shiro gave a pout. Although he hated to admit it, Matt had a point.
CoranCoranGorgeousMan: Sugar what?
Takashi_Shirogains: sugar bowl
Takashi_Shirogains: you know, what this whole scene is called, apparently. Idk that’s what my roommate said anyway
CoranCoranGorgeousMan: scene?
CoranCoranGorgeousMan: like, online dating? I’ve never done this before, I have to admit.
Matt snorted. “He’s either senile or majorly taking the piss.”
Or both, Shiro supposed.
Takashi_Shirogains: …
Takashi_Shirogains: like… sugar daddies and sugar babies??? This is what this website is for??? it's not my kink but i'm not judging???
CoranCoranGorgeousMan: hold on I need to google some things.
It took a full minute to receive Coran’s reply.
CoranCoranGorgeousMan: …
CoranCoranGorgeousMan: ..,
CoranCoranGorgeousMan: my
CoranCoranGorgeousMan: my son said this was a website for successful people
CoranCoranGorgeousMan: I was wondering why no one I matched with seemed to be in the same bracket financially
CoranCoranGorgeousMan: not that I have a problem with that! It just confused me
CoranCoranGorgeousMan: Takashi????
Shiro wanted to reply, but Matt was buried in his chest, laughing with tears streaming down his face. Slav was on the floor, and Shiro wasn’t sure he’d ever seen the guy laugh so hard. He himself was certain he’d have a ten-pack by the time he’d stopped laughing.
Takashi_Shirogains: OH MY GOD
Takashi_Shirogains: you poor man!!
Takashi_Shirogains: are you oka y????
Takashi_Shirogains: Also call me Shiro everyone else does
CoranCoranGorgeousMan: I’m so embarrassed!!!!!!
CoranCoranGorgeousMan: I asked my son and he fessed up but he won’t stop laughing!!!!!
CoranCoranGorgeousMan: This is almost as bad as the time he added gimp masks to my shopping list and I actually asked the guy at tesco if they sold them because I didn’t know what a gimp mask was.
Takashi_Shirogains: how in the fu
Takashi_Shirogains: ck
Takashi_Shirogains: holy shit
CoranCoranGorgeousMan: yeah, that sums it up pretty nicely, Shiro
“So… how do you feel about being a stepdad?” asked Slav, “your sugar daddy might not be a sugar daddy but he’s at least a dad?”
“Fuck, he has a kid.” Shiro blew his tuft of hair out of his face, sinking back into the chair. He honestly didn’t know what to make of that information.
Takashi_Shirogains: so you have a son?
CoranCoranGorgeousMan: I have 3 kids
Takashi_Shirogains: holy fuck
CoranCoranGorgeousMan: yaa I didn’t want to put it on my profile because it might attract creeps
CoranCoranGorgeousMan: sorry if that puts you off but I should mention my kids will always come first???
Takashi_Shirogains: yeah no I understand! It just came as a little shock but I don’t mind!!
He wasn’t sure he didn’t mind, but that would be something he’d have to think about later.
Takashi_Shirogains: how old are they?
CoranCoranGorgeousMan: a little younger than you actually. My oldest just started uni!!!
“At least you’re not gonna be a toyboy who’s younger than his own kids,” Matt reasoned.
“Never call me that again.”
Takashi_Shirogains: so you don’t need me to babysit?
CoranCoranGorgeousMan: haha no!!
CoranCoranGorgeousMan: oh, you weren’t expecting an actual sugar father, were you?
CoranCoranGorgeousMan: sorry to disappoint you
CoranCoranGorgeousMan: although I could try that if you want?
Takashi_Shirogains: no it’s fine! Like I said, I signed up for a laugh. Uni life got me broke and all
Takashi_Shirogains: also it’s sugar daddy omg
Shiro didn’t know what happened, but somehow he ended up talking to Coran throughout the night, eventually passing out on the sofa long after Matt and Slav had dragged themselves to bed. They talked about themselves, their lives and Coran’s children, and when Shiro woke up the next afternoon, he felt strangely giddy and lightheaded. He'd signed up ironically; what the hell happened?
#shiran#coran#vld shiro#takashi shirogane#matt holt#slav vld#coran hieronymus wimbleton smythe#coran x shiro#voltron fanfic
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sonic forces but its that one theory
okay so there’s that theory where like, infinite and gadget were friends pre-Forces (kinda ties into a theory about infinite’s backstory and stuff) and while i doubt that this theory is gonna happen (like im not getting my hopes up yall im just gonna go with whatever sonic team hurls at us) i wanted to have a little fun anyways bc why tf not
im developing a like. prequel based off of this theory that just follows their life up until the events of the game, but in all honesty i doubt im gonna ever do more than prewriting and planning for it so i decided to share some ideas for the two's personalities and the like.
(click keep reading to see the Things)
infinite
name never mentioned in [hypothetical story i’d write]; buddy can’t remember it during the main game due to [spoilers for hypothetical story i’d write]
all about that punk/goth aesthetic
wears the leather gloves/boots seen in-game for the drama
all his clothes have soft and comfortable material but it Must Be Black
smiles are small but have that all-encompassing warmth of true mirth
loves conspiracy theories
“i just think they’re neat”
unironically subscribes to illuminati theories
legit has a wall at home that’s like that one meme with all the connected points and shit with the dude in the middle of the shot freaking out
its really just a hobby and its very comforting to just go home and work on his theories; gets him in a zen headspace
fall is his favorite season
rainy weather = good for staying indoors with some hot tea, a soft blanket and a good book
halloween is the Best Holiday
pumpkin flavored everything
that crisp, organic smell of wet leaves, crumbling moss, and concrete cooled by rain
buddy/gadget has more of an excuse to hang out bc he’s usually in town in the fall so fall is just automatically superior
time for sweaters and punk af boots; also its finally cool enough for infinite to wear his favorite leather jacket
aspiring writer
wordy, needs to work on grounding abstractions
good sense of atmosphere
millions of story ideas but only one idea for a protag
protag is based on gadget; hasn’t told him yet
vent writes a lot
rainy weather is great x2 Bonus bc staying in and listening to the rain patter against the walls and roof while writing is such a mood
more into short stories than long narratives
bonus points if the short stories are connected tho
super bonus if its an abstract out-of-order narrative (because he’s extra like that)
quiet, reserved; secretly a snarkmaster and sarcastic
dry sense of humor
best deadpan when telling jokes, gadget busts out laughing every time
think phoenix wright’s internal monologue
way too polite; avoids conflict like the plague
will protect gadget with his l i f e
they’re fucking life partners bro they ride or they die and they do it together
there may or may not be a crush in there but shhhhh
ideal lifestyle
get a job that isn’t really his dream job but is still enjoyable and makes a comfortable salary
live in a nice apartment overlooking the cityscape
lots of houseplants
a pet fish maybe
fast wifi
walls absolutely covered with various things
posters for movies he likes
prints from local artists
photographs haphazardly pinned on top of and in between everything
a wall dedicated to his conspiracy stuff
conspiracy stuff interspersed with no rhyme or reason amongst other walls
vinyl covers
t-shirts of his favorite bands
maybe some cool lookin fabric???
time in the evening to write/read/browse the internet
gadget as a roommate
clothes that are both black and super comfy
wants to move out of rural hometown and to somewhere like seattle
plans to move out with gadget; they’re both saving up
gadget/buddy
the thematic antithesis of infinite’s aesthetic
while infinite is slow and contemplative, gadget bursts and bubbles with energy
clothes? colorful. music? cheery, peppy, lots of chiptune thrown in.
quick temper (aka will fight anyone in a denny’s parking lot at a moment’s notice)
like damn he can be an angry boi sometimes
mostly he’s just excited; he’s in general rather bombastic and immediate in his self expression
this can also translate to impatience when he wants to get on with something.
along the lines of “Cmooon its time to do things! It’s all so cool and neat but its gotta happen now!”
“lmao watch this” proceeds to do something that’s extremely dangerous and threatens life and limb, somehow survives, laughs it off and drinks some kool-aid
loves to travel
can probably speak thirty different languages at any given point, even if only in segments
expanded worldview due to Going Places and Seeing Things
to infinite: “dude you gotta like. go outside. youll get more inspiration for your writing. i just saw a guy stuff an entire corn dog down his throat before diving into a harbor and i think that just gave me a whole new outlook on life.”
favorite seasons are late spring/summer
warm
days are long
lots of sunshine
great for going outdoors and explooooring
sun feels heavenly on his fur
if he wasn’t a wolf and thus had skin he’d be a Golden Boy
that fresh cut grass smell tho
bonus points for Smokey Smell of Barbecue
everything is berry flavored
only downside is he’s usually not in town so its harder to visit infinite
hobbyist mechanic (see: nerd mechanic)
likes to recreate weapons from video games and anime
just in general likes the flashy stuff more than practical creations
often draws out blueprints for whatever fictional contraptions infinite talks about in his short stories
sometimes forgoes the electrical aspect and just outright makes final fantasy-type swords in his basement for fun
pretty happy with current life but wouldn’t mind moving out with infinite and sharing an apartment
granted an apartment wouldn’t have the room he’d need for his equipment but that’s fine as long as he’s with infinite
would probably leave the equipment back at home and travel out on weekends to do his mechanic stuff
during the week/whenever he couldn’t travel back home he’d put more focus into drawing out and selling blueprints on the internet (there’s enough space in an apartment to do that)
tactile and affectionate
is okay with rainy days when w/ infinite because guess what? time to hang out and watch netflix while they both huddle under a blanket for warmth
(gadget gets cold easily lmao)
lots of nudges, casual touch, slaps on the back, hugging, bro just wants that sweet sweet contact yo
i mean he respects people’s personal boundaries but let’s face it. if you let him He Will Sit On You
sonic is his idol
infinite doesn’t really think he’s hot shit but boy howdy gadget loves this dude.
infinite supports gadget even tho he doesn’t like sonic a whole lot bc goddammit a happy gadget is a blessing
thats about it thank u for reading
#sonic forces#sonic the hedgehog#sth#sonic forces infinite#sonic forces avatar#long post //#pls read this and lemme know what u think#hopefully tungle doesnt mess with the formatting lmao
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Over the course of three days - Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday(today) - I have, with one of my siblings, watched all the Showa era Gamera movies. And I, I have come out a changed man. Or woman. Person. I dunno anymore. Back on subject, I just. Need to talk about them. Screaming into void about movies I recently saw is therapeutic - especially if they piss me off. And hoo boy were there times when I couldn’t stand these fucking movies - as in, there were only two whole-ass movies, out of eight, that I liked unironically. Everything else was either unintentionally funny, or just made me angry. Especially after being introduced to Gamera through the Heisei trilogy, which is AWESOME as FUCK. Probably raised my standards. Also, I’m just gonna put the rest under a “Read More” because this is gonna get reeeaaalllyyy long.
First, we got Gamera, the Giant Monster. This is one of the genuinely good ones. Technically this isn’t my first time seeing it - I saw the English dub, Gammera the Invincible. But I may as well have been seeing it for the first time - aside from the English version adding a bunch of new footage, there’s also this awful fucking song that I’m like 60% sure has some kind of amnesia curse on it, because it seems longer every time I’ve ever heard it, and I barely remember the English version except for two parts, one of which has the previously mentioned cursed song playing during it. BUT. Back to the original, un-cursed version of Gamera. Gamera gets woken up when a plane carrying nukes crashes in the Arctic, and he busts out of the ice, making a regular mess of things. He sinks a research vessel, rampages through Tokyo a bit - knocking over Tokyo Tower, which is kind of obligatory in these sorts of movies - and then stomps all over a power plant and eats some fire, ‘cause that’s just what he does. The humans try all sorts of tricks, ranging from just good old gunfire to freezing him - but none of it works. Dude’s just unkillable. So they lure him to an island by spilling a bunch of oil on the ocean and setting it on fire(insert BP joke), and then they trap him in a big rocket, which they launch into space.
Then, we get to Gamera versus Barugon. Not to be mistaken for Baragon, a completely different monster. This movie is...boring. The fights between Barugon and Gamera are kind of entertaining, but they happen near the beginning and at the end. The middle of the film just really drags on and on and on and ON. Barugon is kind of an interesting monster, at least. He has a chameleon-like tongue that shoots gas out of the tip and freezes stuff. He can also shoot rainbow lasers out of his back - which can be reflected back at him with a big enough mirror, something the humans do once the movie decides to stop being boring and let things happen again. Until Gamera shows up and just drowns the fucker. Also forgot to mention - the whole “shoot Gamera into space” thing was made moot when a meteor smacked into the rocket transporting Gamera to Mars and broke it open, freeing Gamera. He then just flew back to Earth and went back to stomping on power plants and eating fire.
Next, is Gamera versus Gyaos. This is the other good film. The explanation of Gyaos’s biology is pretty strange, though. There’s some shit about it having two spinal cords and two throats, which is how it can produce the sound necessary for its sonic beam - and these features essentially make it impossible for it to turn its head; something that plays into Gyaos’s defeat. Gamera gets behind and just whales on it, and Gyaos can’t do shit because it can’t turn its head to shoot the sonic beam. Also, Gyaos can’t stand sunlight - being out in the sun gives it god-tier sunburn. That was another contributing factor to its death - Gamera beating the snot out of it during the day make things a little easier. It also had this weird ability to shoot yellow gas out of its torso that put out fires. Seemed kind of random, but when you have a turtle that breathes fire, eats fire, and flies by spewing fire out of its leg and arm holes, it makes for a more interesting fight.
And from here on out, it’s downhill motherfuckers.
Film number four - Gamera versus Viras. This is the first film where a different but equally annoying song about Gamera shows up - and is then in almost every other movie afterwards, each with its own slightly different rendition of it. It’s enough to drive someone insane after hearing it enough - and watching this series, you are going to hear it a lot. There’s a lot of bullshit in this fucking movie. At one point, Gamera get stuck under a forcefield with a submersible - ya know what fucking happens? Gamera lifts up part of the forcefield to let the submersible out - but then, doesn’t continue to lift it up to free himself. He just sits there like a dumbass. Then some aliens read his mind, and look at stock footage of the fights from vs. Barugon and vs. Gyaos. Then they mind control him, and make Gamera wreak havoc on Earth, depicted through even more stock footage - some of it from when he destroys a power plant in vs. Barugon, and some of it from when he smashes Tokyo in the first film. Oh, did I mention that the first movie was in black and white, and the others are all in color? This means there’s a random part in vs. Viras that’s just in fucking black and white for no reason, because it’s fucking footage taken from the original movie! There’s also this one big plothole: at point, a pair of kids(b/c the protagonists of these movies from Viras forward are annoying-ass children) are trapped on the alien’s ship. They get shackled to the wall, but manage to free themselves, and try to find a way off. At one point, they find a monster in a cage. Eventually, the kids decide to distract the aliens(who are identical to humans) so they can teleport themselves off-ship. They run into the control room with the aliens and yell about how oh no the monster is free! And the aliens fall for it - not even questioning why the kids aren’t imprisoned anymore. If that sounds stupid, it gets worse. The monster? Is their fucking boss, Viras. Even worse, they’re not even actually humanoid, but the exact same type of creature - they’re just wearing human skins as a disguise; kind of horrifying in hindsight, but at the time I was too busy being confused by how this made no sense. After that’s revealed, they all fuse with the boss monster, making him tall enough to fight Gamera. They duke it out, kind of interesting, especially the bit where Gamera gets impaled several times in a row by Viras. Reminder that this is when the franchise became aimed more at children. Gamera wins by flying high into the atmosphere, which freezes Viras, and then chucks Viras back down to Earth, killing him. There’s a lot more bullshit I could have covered, but I need to save my energy for the next four films and I feel exhausted writing about this already.
Next, Gamera versus Guiron. A pair of kids accidentally steal a spaceship and end up on another planet. This is witnessed by one of the kid’s sister, who tries to tell her mom, who denies that aliens even exist - even though, in the previous movie, the UN surrendered to aliens after Gamera’s mind control-fuelled rampage. On the planet, the kids meet two nice lady aliens who are the last of their species there - everyone else left because there’s a bunch of silver Space Gyaos making a mess of everything. The alien ladies have control of another monster named Guiron, who helps fend off the Space Gyaos with the giant knife on his head and telekinetic shuriken that rest on the underside of the knife. Oddly enough, they never actually showed the back legs of the suit on-screen - sometimes there’d be a puppet where you could see Guiron’s back legs, but never when it was a guy in a suit - I can’t help but wonder if the suit was unfinished and they tried to hide it. Anywho, Gamera - who chased after the ship to try and save the kids - is kind of a little bitch in this one - he seems to make a much bigger deal out of relatively minor wounds in this one than some of the others. Like, as previously mentioned in vs. Viras, he got fucking impaled and kept going right away - but here he makes a big stink about getting hit with one of Guiron’s shuriken. Also, the ladies are actually planning to eat the kids, but seem to switch back and forth between raw and cooked - not in “they argue about their preferences” way, but in the “in one scene they say raw and another cooked” kind of way. They also read one of the kid’s mind to see how strong Gamera is, resulting in stock footage from the previous three films. Ultimately, said annoying kids help Gamera kill Guiron - after Gamera lifts up Guiron and drops him on his head, getting him stuck in the ground thanks to a pointy head. Guiron shoots his shuriken at Gamera, but Gamera manages to dodge them; the kids shoot some missiles at Guiron, but they miss. Gamera managed to catch one - the hole where the shuriken were resting Guiron’s head is now empty, so Gamera throws it like a dart into the hole and breathes fire on the missile, causing it blow up. You see Guiron’s corpse fly into the air, headless, but then you see it on the ground with his head still attached, just slightly scorched, which is bizarre as shit.
The sixth film, Gamera versus Jiger, does not have aliens or stock footage, making it more tolerable than the others. Mostly it’s the latter that pisses me off, but there’s a lot of aliens in these movies. Jiger is, instead, an ancient monster from the fictional Wester Island off the coast of Africa. The statue that kept her imprisoned is removed and she is free to wreak havoc. Gamera tries to stop her, but Jiger shoots spears out of horns on her snout and impales Gamera’s limbs, then knocks him onto his back - bad news even for giant turtles. Jiger then swims off to find the statue in Japan. Gamera pulls out the spears and makes chase, but gets his ass beat a second time. He gets stabbed by the stinger in Jiger’s tail and falls comatose half-submerged on a beach. Turns out she laid an egg his lung and the baby Jiger is sucking his blood - which is fucking weird, because the stinger didn’t have a hole in it or anything. So a pair of kids steal a submersible and steer it into Gamera, then accidentally kill the baby with white noise from a walkie-talkie. The adults set up a giant speaker system to kill big Jiger with while the kids connect a bunch of powerlines to Gamera’s heart to jumpstart him. The first thing doesn’t work, the second does - they fight again, Gamera manages to dodge stinger and spears, and wins by picking up the statue then shoving it into Jiger’s brain. There was also some shit about how the statue was able to imprison Jiger because it made a low-frequency sound, which was harmful to Jiger because she could shoot high-frequency heat beams, and those two things are “opposite”, and, I dunno, this doesn’t make any fucking sense.
Now, we have Gamera versus Zigra. More aliens. One of who is a big fish, Ziger, who grows larger in Earth’s ocean because of the lessened pressure, even though that’s not how this shit works - the reason most deep-sea animals die when brought up isn’t because they suffocate, but because they can’t survive in lower/no water pressure. There was also some shit about SeaWorld or whatever. Fuck SeaWorld. There was also a part where some people got hypnotized into having dolphin brains, and the only way to fix them was to scream into a walkie-talkie. That, at least was hilarious. I honestly can’t remember much about what happened even though I watched it today - I think the other Gamera song might have an amnesia curse too.
And now, last, and agreed by everybody to be the least - Gamera: Super Monster. This, I actually did not watch all of - partway through, one of my parents texted me to make dinner, and by the time I finished the movie was basically over. Based off what I did see, and the fact that it’s primarily stock footage, I have no intention of seeing anymore. It started off kind of wacky, with a bunch of alien ladies on Earth doing some kind of Superman/Power Rangers type transformation. There was also another evil lady alien hunting them down. There was also a kid, who got a pet turtle, and then released it a couple days later because his mother convinced him that the turtle would be “happier” in the pond, and that makes me angry because that’s how invasive species happen, and please don’t release your pets into wild, people. There was some stuff where this kid played the organ and sang a really annoying song. There was also some boring stuff I can’t be bothered to write down. Then there was some stock footage of Gyaos from the third movie, because a new one just kind of showed up, I guess. That’s all I saw, then I had to make pizza burgers. I apparently didn’t miss much, though my brother mentioned there was one part where there was a train or something in space that was clearly ripped from some kind of animated movie, and Gamera chasing after it, probably also stock footage. Fuck this movie - I haven’t seen it all but fuck it.
In conclusion, fuck the Showa series, except for the original and vs. Gyaos. Those are the only good ones. Honestly feeling kind of disappointed. I expected more from these movies.
I think I’m gonna go watch the Heisei trilogy, AKA Gamera movies that are consistently good. My hands hurt from typing too much.
#film talk#gamera#seriously though i'm feeling disappointed and mad as hell#i thought they'd be at least half-decent but nah#it's a really mixed bag
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