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The reactions to The Batman part 2 announcements are always so funny on twt

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Just a few more hours

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Waynes on a Game Show

“…You’re all related?”

Dick: “Technically. Spiritually. Legally. Emotionally. And on Tuesdays.”

Jason’s buzzer is a gunshot noise. Tim hacks the scoring system. Damian threatens the opposing team. Cass answers everything with alarming accuracy.

Bruce just stands there like a wall in Armani, winking and acting clueless. Himbo-esque. The crowd eats it up.

They win. They win hard. The host fears for his life. The audience cheers. Gotham trends #WayneSweep for 3 days.

Clark watches it live and texts Bruce:

“You couldn’t point out Gotham on a map? ”

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Gotham media is collectively thirsty for Bruce Wayne.

This is an established fact. Magazines post yearly “Best Gotham Bachelor” covers with Bruce front and center, sleeves rolled up, shirt just tight enough to cause a city-wide spike in thirst tweets. He smiles politely. He waves. He completely misses the point.

But his kids?

Oh, the kids see everything.

—

Dick has mastered the art of photobombing paparazzi shots. Any attempt at a flattering Bruce Wayne candid is inevitably ruined by Dick, perfectly positioned in the background, dramatically fake-gagging or making heart-shaped gestures behind Bruce’s head.

"Don’t sexualize my father," he says cheerfully. "He’s too old to date."

"He’s forty-two," Jason points out, bored. "And loaded. They're gonna sexualize."

"No."

—

Jason officially joins the family, and he isn’t subtle. He doesn’t photobomb—he glares.

Paparazzi tremble under his stare. Journalists who ask Bruce about his dating life mysteriously lose their notes. Occasionally, a camera or three ends up “accidentally” broken. Steph calls it the “Jason Todd Protection Program.”

Bruce distantly remains confused as to why the local media keeps a twenty-foot distance whenever Jason’s nearby.

—

Tim weaponizes social media. The moment Bruce’s name trends with thirsty hashtags, Tim is there, flooding timelines with deeply embarrassing candid pictures of Bruce spilling coffee on himself, falling asleep mid-charity gala, or getting startled by pigeons.

It’s incredibly ineffective. Gotham’s thirst for Bruce Wayne skyrockets significantly whenever #BruceWaynePigeonIncident starts trending again.

They love a silly man.

—

Stephanie starts actual arguments in comment sections.

"That's my gfs dad you're talking about," she types furiously under a post titled "Bruce Wayne: Gotham's Hottest Billionaire."

When a random Gothamite responds with, "he’s literally hot though," Stephanie replies simply:

"Blocked, reported, told Batman."

—

Cass is silent and terrifying. She just stares. Directly into cameras. Directly into the souls of interviewers who dare ask Bruce about romantic relationships.

No one can maintain thirst under the soul-piercing gaze of Cassandra Cain. No one.

—

Damian simply starts calling the thirstiest journalists at three a.m. to give them long, detailed lectures about moral degradation and ethical journalism.

—

Bruce, oblivious, wonders vaguely why Gotham media’s latest headline is:

"BRUCE WAYNE STILL SINGLE: HIS CHILDREN DEMAND RESPECTFUL DISTANCE."

“Strange,” he mutters. “They’ve never cared before.”

Meanwhile, his kids exchange glances behind his back.

Gotham media can thirst all they want—but his kids are always watching. Always protective.

Their dad might not notice the world thirsting after him, but they do. And they’ve collectively decided Gotham needs to stay at least six feet away.

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My babies

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XP/98 remix

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Nap time at Wayne Manor :)

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despite his best efforts jason has not yet managed to finagle free fries out of danny

Batburger manager!Danny AU

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It will get cold again eventually. The summer will not last forever. I’m not doomed to live in this unbearable heat for all eternity. <- said while gripping the countertop so hard that the tile is starting to crack

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you know that thing spider-man stories do where spidey gets knocked down in a fight and it looks hopeless until a random little girl throws a stone at the supervillain like LEAVE SPIDER-MAN ALONE YOU BIG JERK and they try to go for her instead but then there's another stone from a random man and another from a steely-eyed old lady who's seen some shit and another and another and another until the people of new york collectively heckle this weirdo in a mask into leaving because spidey's saved them more than enough times for them to save him? yeah, that. I like that. that's what superheroes should be

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What if?

Jinu's salvation

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dick getting his hair braided for @/arcaneprism via dcforgaza! ty for donatinggg

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Today’s Sunday.

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(My headcannon on the BatFam's poison resistance)

Jason and Damian are playing a game where they test each others resistance to poisons while the others make bets.

Dick: So we're all in agreement about Damian winning? Jason: No loyalty. Duke: I bet on you Jason Jason: Then you're gonna lose lol.

While they're talking Bruce just... mixes all of them together and downs the concoction.

Bruce: I've had vodka stronger than this.

Everyone is horrified except Alfred, who watched Bruce do this a hundred times when he first finished his training as a 'party trick' and already placed his bet on Bruce.

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I saw this and I thought Tumblr might enjoy it

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after a lifetime of partial loss of smell, my olfactory senses appear to be spontaneously regeneration—and i cannot stand it. you people actually live like this???