#i understand buddy lol

[snoopyracing]

he’s in that happy crazy stage of depression

[chronicowboy]

Eddie isn't entirely sure how he ends up on Tommy's doorstep. One minute, he's stuffed into the corner of his couch, staring at the two empty cushions beside him, trying to will joy out of thin air. The next, he's grabbing his keys and knocking on a familiar door. But it's not too familiar a door. It's not the right door, he thinks. It should be Buck's door. But this feels safer somehow.

Buck's door is joy. Buck's door opens into a room filled with sunlight. Buck's door is a portal to all the good things Eddie has never found himself worthy of. He's still learning to trust the good things, joy. And whilst he trusts Buck implicitly, intimately, instinctually. He still doesn't quite trust himself.

Tommy's door is... Well, Tommy's door often opens on casual camaraderie. Tommy's door mainly leads to the sparring mat in the garage. Tommy's door is just a door. Eddie doesn't know if he's there to see it open or seal it shut.

It's been a week since. Since Eddie had danced around in his house in a pair of tighty whiteys he'd forgotten he'd owned. Since an intoxicatingly simple joy had buzzed through his veins and filled him with a glowing pink light that had almost burst out of him when he'd looked through the peephole. Since Buck had offered him a beer and stuffed himself into the corner of the couch to drink in stony silence between sniffles. Since Eddie had resisted the urge to make himself small and had instead spread his legs, so he could feel the warmth of Buck's knee burning into his bare thigh. Since both of them getting drunk enough on beers and each other that they'd danced around Eddie's house until they collapsed on the living room floor. Since they'd laid there on the carpet, staring up at the ceiling, and Buck had finally mumbled his way through a recital of his breakup.

It's been a week of Eddie biting down on his reflexive guilt at seeking out joy whilst Buck wallows in despair. Of Eddie plastering himself to Buck in every spare moment because, even when he's down in the dumps, he gives off joy like a spaceheater throws out heat. Of Eddie allowing himself to bask in it without the whispering warning voices in his mind for the first time ever. Of Eddie allowing himself the simple pleasure of Buck without fear of ruining him.

Eddie startles a little when the door opens, but it's alright because Tommy startles too. His whole face stretches in shock then scrunches up with a wry little laugh and a shake of his head.

"Guess I probably should have expected this, huh?" he says.

And Eddie thinks that's odd. Hadn't expected it himself. Doesn't know why he's here. Doesn't know what he's going to say. But he opens his mouth anyway, lets whatever is in his throat claw its way out, and what he says is,

"Buck is worth the risk."

Tommy blinks. Eddie blinks back.

Something pools in his chest. Something warm. Something hot. It's the warmth of Buck's knee against his thigh and the heat of boiling anger. It's scorching. Eddie can't tell which one burns worse.

"Okay," Tommy replies evenly.

"Buck said that you said you couldn't move in with him because he'd break your heart."

"I did."

"He's worth that risk," Eddie repeats. Doesn't know how else to say it. "Don't you get it? He-he's so smart and passionate and kind and full of love. His head gets a little messy sometimes, but he's still so so full of love. Why can't you see that? He's beautiful inside and out. And he's worth the risk. You can't not take the risk with Buck. He's worth a hundred broken hearts, don't you get that?"

Eddie's chest heaves. A thousand more words crowd his mouth, but he can't wrap his lips around any of them. His brain is flying a mile a minute, everything slipping through his fingers just when he thinks he's grabbed a hold of it. And Tommy is just staring at him in that slightly disconcertingly blank way he stares.

"Eddie, I think maybe you should try giving that speech to a mirror." His voice is still even, but there's an edge to these words that makes something in Eddie sing, makes him want to press against it until it draws blood.

"What?"

"I think you think Buck's worth a hundred broken hearts because you and him have been breaking each other's over and over for the past six years."

Eddie flinches.

"What? I would never—"

"Just because you didn't mean to doesn't mean you didn't." Tommy sighs and drags a hand down his face. All the defensiveness melts out of his posture as he leans against the doorframe. "Okay, let's talk about me, yeah? You wanna know why I didn't take the risk with Buck?"

It's a rhetorical question. Still, Eddie says, "yes."

"Because." He shrugs. "Six days, six weeks, six months, six years. He'd never mean to, but. He was always going to break my heart, Eddie. And he was always going to break it for you."

There had been this moment when he'd first sat down in the confessional between the click of the door closing and Father Brian's greeting where the whole world had seemed to fall silent. It was a crushing thing. In that moment, twenty-three years of sins had fallen upon him like a helicopter. It was as if the booth itself was trying to swallow him whole. Now, Eddie feels it again. Feels it so vividly he almost thinks he's back in that stifling little wooden box. Feels it like a whole new confession, unforgivable and yet inevitable.

"And you were always going to let him, right?" Tommy doesn't even leave room for an answer. Just nods to himself. "You can be angry with me if you want. I hurt him, I know that. But I took the risk when I started this. The writing was on the wall from the beginning. I knew I was living on borrowed time, but... Well, I don't have to explain to you why he was worth it, do I?"

"W-what do you—"

"God, Diaz," he groans, and presses his forehead against the edge of the door. "He was never trying to get my attention. Jesus. He spent that whole game pulling your pigtails."

"No, he was jealous of—"

"Of me because I had your attention." Tommy shakes his head. "I'm not doing this. I can't. Please leave."

And well, Eddie's never needed all that much of a nudge when it comes to running away. He's halfway to his truck when Tommy's voice stops him in his tracks.

"Hey, Eddie?"

"Yeah?" He turns, watches something complicated break across Tommy's face.

"He's worth the risk."

The door closes. Another opens.

[2isted-chocol8-art]

You will get to it, eventually. But there's no rush.

-> More Outer Wilds Art!

[yo-yo-yoshiko]

Haha, idiot. That's what you get for having human emotions :'((((

And a closer shot on this one cause I LIKE THEM TREES!

[sleepdeprivedlilbean]

✨ Dragon Supremacy ✨

these guys r all i draw and literally plague my brain 24/7 plz send help-

anyway tho, these cuties belong to @paintedkinzy-88 (go check them out they’re cool and yes this is a threat 💥🔫)

if some of them look more detailed than others is cause they r and most of these were doodles i did in class lol

not Reaper tho, i put some time and effort into him haha cause he requires many MANY references to look good

i’ve also been trying to play around with wings and different poses so some look a little wonky but i think they work for the most part

also i realize i made everyone but Life noooo but she’s so pretty how could i do this to herrrrr 😩

don’t worry i’ll fix that soon enough lol

enjoy this fr ig but i’ll be back 😈

ALSO #ERRORSWEEP ALL THE WAY BABYYY HE’S GETTING FIRST THIS YEAR RAAAAAAAA

tho i’d be suuuuuper funny and iconic either way if he gets second for the third time in a row lmaooo

[iwasbored777]

I wanna know what's going on in the heads of everyone who watched Deadpool & Wolverine and think that the movie wasn't gay. Did you even watch the right movie?

[buddiesmutslut]

Buck didn’t maim Eddie, Eddie is not a terror to the women of LA & Hen and Chim were 1000% just fucking with Buck in 2x01 when they were talking about Eddie & how beautiful he was bc Buck was being obnoxious & they wanted to knock him down a peg or two.

[anders-holmvik]

something something noodling on buck and eddie and forced boundaries. this is word salad btw with no real argument but hopefully its a side that not too many people have written. (written before 8x03-06 airing. so if im completely wrong there will be egg on my face and that is okay because almost nothing is unequivocally true in creative media analysis world.) and also this is super long sorry

i keep thinking about the way they merge buck and eddie's storylines in 7x05, not just on screen in their encounter at the restaurant, but thematically.

first, a really important part of the buck and eddie dynamic is that the two are having an intense emotional affair, and have been since season 3. but, they've always operated across the lines of plausible deniability and they're both likely oblivious to this. they're both "straight." so, anything they do can be chalked up to normalbestfriendbehavior, because there's no way they'd ever physically cheat with each other. they both consider that to be the threshold for cheating, as evidenced by buck and eddie's agreeance that he is not cheating on marisol with kim because they haven't had sex.

7x05 is titled "you don't know me," and that's the central theme for everyone. the episode is mostly about hen and karen, but also continues to weave buck, eddie, and tommy together.

there's the "eddie doesn't know about buck's sexuality exploration and buck feels guilty about this" aspect, but this applies to eddie's solo storyline too.

eddie finds out that marisol used to be a nun. he claims that this has unearthed his catholic guilt, but we know that it never really went away for him, it just became easier for him to repress himself. eddie, even though he claims to not be actively a believer, knows that he is lying to himself about being into marisol, and thinks that god has sent him a reminder that he's watching him. even if he doesn't consciously understand that it's because he's not into women as a whole, he realized his tendency to stay in relationships where he's not happy from his breakup with ana. so he Has to know that he's not genuinely in it. this is also why buck's pointing out that she voluntarily left the convent doesn't bring him any comfort- because he's already decided that marisol is a direct link to god and His disappointment in eddie (as evidenced by his vision of marisol as the virgin mary)

eddie can't have sex with her anymore, the one activity that, to him, proves he's at least attracted to his partner. he's fully prepared to break up with marisol over this, and even hides out at buck's.

buck doesn't realize this at the time because he's too focused on his own guilt, but eddie is looking for his approval to break up with marisol. eddie always does what buck thinks is best for him. he makes the excuse that it's because they're best friends and he trusts his opinion, but i think he knows there's something more to it.

but buck can't give him his approval. because buck cannot fathom that eddie is offering himself up because the idea of marisol is standing between them. the two of them are similar in this way, and that's why they're so fascinating: they're both extremely passive in their romantic pursuits because they lack 1. self esteem and 2. awareness to pursue what they actually want. buck because of his childhood/past relationships and eddie because of his upbringing/grief/repression

buck (and also eddie, but specifically buck) is a huge flirt. however, he'll rarely cross the boundary of platonic activity before the other person does (i genuinely think the last time was abby, but that was his first relationship so its weird hybrid of active and passive tendencies).

he'll flirt and flirt until the other person makes a move, i.e. asking him out or kissing him. he wants them to prove they're choosing him. once they do, he clings. they broke this pattern with his breakup from taylor (even though i consider that a special circumstance) and natalia by having buck leave them, but T may be a return to form. more on that later...

eddie offers himself to buck by letting him choose if he should break up with marisol. buck is oblivious to it because he's too focused on his own guilt of keeping a part of himself "unknown" from eddie. buck confesses about tommy. eddie does not comment on buck's sexuality, he is only surprised at tommy's. buck looks for reassurance there: is it weird that i was on a date with a man? eddie, in his attempt to offer comfort, re-draws the line between them: "this doesn't change a thing between us." what he means is that he's not weirded out, but what buck hears is "i'm straight, so don't even try it."

so, when eddie, who is subconsciously looking for buck to step over the line, asks him about what he thinks he should do, buck doubles down on wanting tommy. eddie, hearing the message, encourages buck to try again. eddie goes home and hits the restart button on his relationship with marisol. he convinces himself that maybe if they start over, it'll work this time.

he tells her that he feels like he doesn't know her well and that they moved too fast. normally, people in this type of situation would just move on and find someone else. but instead, eddie is desperate to stay in this relationship with marisol because buck has stepped over the line of plausible deniability in their relationship, and drawn a new one. buck is officially attracted to men. if eddie's relationship falls apart and buck is not with someone else, the lines start to blur.

later, buck and T get coffee. tommy points out that the two of them don't know anything about each other. they agree to start their relationship and do it "right." the same way eddie and marisol agree to reset theirs.

and the two of them cling to these relationships. marisol ends her and eddie's relationship after finding out about kim. buck remains with tommy despite awkward dates, likely because he is also excited to explore himself (as he is one to do) but also likely because he walked close to that line when he came out to eddie, and felt like he was pushed back.

but i think the sentiment of "you don't know me" really applies for buck and T's relationship as a whole. again, they started with buck flirting and toeing the line until T stepped over it by kissing him, then asking him out.

there's a whole lot of discourse on here and twitter about t's awkward flirting, flippant attitude, and dismissive comments. the thing about this is, likely none of it is tommy purposely trying to hurt buck. tommy does not know buck. he doesn't know that these are things that he is sensitive about, or that hurts him. and buck doesn't communicate when he's uncomfortable. he just internalizes it and focuses on trying to make his partners stay. and tommy will not know buck. buck ingratiates tommy in his life by inviting him to family events, but he doesn't actually open up to tommy or tell him when he's misreading him. it gives both of them a sense of false intimacy.

they're three months in at least, and tommy and buck are still, as oliver said, "getting to know each other." but they both agreed to "get to know each other" and go for it at their coffee date, and here they are months later. not having moved... i hope that holding back his own baggage is going to bite buck in the ass just as much as tommy's past is.

(and by god i hope it is tommy's racist past that gets revealed because FUCK him. but based on what oliver said about buck weighing if he should make it work im not sure they're going to address it. bc if buck found that out i do think he'd end the relationship w little/no debate)

but this is all very interesting to me.. personally i want to see buck explore his sexuality on his own for a little because i think it would be beautiful and he deserves that but i do think he is going to be a little desperate to stay in this relationship if they don't go the gerrard/tommy past route.. but god buck and eddie are so awesomely freakish about each other sometimes

[wikiangela]

wip wednesday

tagged by @steadfastsaturnsrings @malewifediaz @buckaroosheart 💖💖

how did the "fluffy decorating christmas tree fic" turn into eddie being nostalgic about shannon? no idea lmao but I love it haha (also, lowkey a tease for alive shannon bc this hypothetical is what ends up happening there haha) this fic would've been done already if I didn't get sick bc now i'm barely awake at all times and just so fucking tired lol i should finish it next week at the latest tho! (if Eddie doesn't take over and make it super long again haha)

prev snippet

___

And Buck knows all that, because he knows Eddie so well, and Eddie- Eddie just loves him so much sometimes it gets overwhelming, just the sheer amount of love he has for this man, who’s currently looking at him with those gorgeous, understanding eyes. And he can’t do anything else but lean in and kiss his pretty pink lips.

“I know.” he whispers, smiling, blinking away tears. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.” Buck chuckles quietly. Then Eddie looks at Christopher again.

“It’s just hard sometimes, especially during the holidays. She should be here. With Chris.”

“She really should.” Buck wraps one hand around Eddie’s shoulders.

“I think she’d like you.” Eddie muses, leaning his head against Buck’s. “You guys would get along.” He really thinks so, and he also thinks that even if the accident didn’t happen and she didn’t die, he’d eventually give her the divorce she asked for, and inevitably date Buck anyway – he doesn’t think there’s any universe, any scenario, any path he’d take, where he and Buck don’t end up falling in love. If he believed in it, he’d say it’s fate or destiny or some shit like that. (Maybe he does believe, just in this one instance, but no one has to know).

___

no pressure tags: @elvensorceress @gaydiaz @diazass @thebravebitch @silentxxsoul @shortsighted-owl @eddiebabygirldiaz @arthursdent @911onabc @spagheddiediaz @housewifebuck @rogerzsteven @watchyourbuck @honestlydarkprincess @underwater-ninja-13 @eowon @loserdiaz @evanbegins @ladydorian05 @pirrusstuff @theotherbuckley @911-on-abc @wildlife4life @fortheloveofbuddie @nmcggg @diazpatcher @jesuisici33 @lover-of-mine @giddyupbuck @exhuastedpigeon @king-buckley @disasterbuckdiaz @monsterrae1 @thewolvesof1998 @hoodie-buck @spotsandsocks @jeeyuns @daffi-990 @callmenewbie @alliaskisthepossibilityoflove @jamespearce9-1-1 @weewootruck @hippolotamus @spotsandsocks

[oacest]

-interview with Paolo Hewitt, 20th January 2015

[tomurakii]

Dude I know I'm deep into my Gale obsession when seeing people's dumbshit takes actually makes me angry. Someone on instagram called him easy and a gold digger??? How do you live with yourself.

[ghostie-gengar]

it's my b-day so i get to post cringe :3

[cripplepunkbarbarian]

While I would’ve loved a Rat Grinders redemption arc, I saw this coming from miles away and definitely didn’t get my hopes up.

The narrative was partially on their side but the stress mechanic was 1000% against them.

TBK could hardly spend any time on themselves or their loved ones. Almost every ounce of time that could go into anything other than academics, extra curricular, or financing went into popularity and mystery (for their campaigning as well as the overarching plot).

If they got lucky enough to spend a second on just getting to be closer to someone. Obviously it’s gonna be someone they actually enjoy spending time with. Like their families and friends. Not hedging their bets on trying to maybe find common ground with a group of kids that pretty explicitly wants them all kicked out of the school if not just straight up dead.

Even then, a few of the Bad Kids did manage to muster up some sympathy towards a few of the Rat Grinders. But again. They just never got enough time. And if you take the risk of spending precious time mid combat to attempt to sway someone but can’t manage to get the right dice rolls, you’re just fucked. At a certain point they can’t reasonably take those sorts of risks, regardless of how much they sympathize.

Still not getting my hopes up but. Who knows. Maybe TRG can be revived and get to go on a healing journey. With the help of actual adults whose jobs it is to catch this stuff. Away from TBK, fellow traumatized teens who are not responsible for the redemption of other teens who are actively attempting to harm them and end the world. In the epilogue/post-canon.

[fiyrball6063]

Trying to learn gg combos having never played a fighting game before is so funny this is rlly a second language

[aeolianblues]

one thing about me is I will look at a guitar tab on ultimate guitar and I will say man, that tab is wrong

[basofy]

ive never talked about their dynamic but this is one of the many thoughts i have about them