#i try to read dnis but also sometimes i just like something. yeah.

[soloquel]

raquel | 24 | she/they

relevant info in the tags. have a nice day 👋

[ryozakidesu]

Yours, Inevitably - l.jn

2/4 diary of the heartbreakers

summary: ➸ ♡ To say that Lee Jeno is pretty would be an understatement. The man's gorgeous. One thing he uses to his advantage, going through college getting girls he spots his eyes on. But there's one he just couldn't get. His brother's bestfriend. You can continue and avoid your feelings for each other, but eventually, it'll happen. You were someone that stayed, a constant in his life. You might not know it, but for the years you've known Lee Jeno, he slowly became yours, inevitably.

"I should've known it was you, because no one else made sense."

GENRE: Angst, Fluff, Humour, Smut

WARNINGS: Minors DNI, Explicit Sexual Content, Language, Slight Alcoholism, Mentions of Drugs/Weed, fuckboy!Jeno, brothersbsf!reader AUTHOR's NOTE: Holy shit, it's done! I was about to pull all my hairs off for this one :// but i can finally say that it's all worth it! I hope y'all are still here. And I really wish y'all would like this story. Enjoy reading!

WC: 18 k (I tried my best)

DISCLAIMER: This story is purely fanfiction. Only the names of the Idols are used, and does not reflect on them in real life. There's no way in any shape of form that they are like this in person, because I MADE IT UP. I don't personally know them. DO NOT STEAL / TRANSLATE / MODIFY. This is my work and I don't appreciate people stealing it. Thank you.

Enjoy reading! -ryo

Lee Jeno is a phenomenon.

Jeno, on the other hand, likes to think he’s just a pretty boy who kinda knows how to dribble.

Maybe he’s not bad in the actual learning part too, maybe he did get an award for the research paper he did on Biochemistry last year. Maybe he won MVP on three consecutive basketball tournaments, making history in his school as the only player to excel in both the sports and academics.

So yeah. He’s a textbook definition of an A-list student that you would totally see in one of the frames along the halls of this very school in about thirty years, with the trophies and accolades he made during his time here.

You wanna hear what’s even more annoying?

He’s hot. And he knows it. Please, he’s so undeniably gorgeous it's starting to hurt.

Unlike his friends, Jeno keeps it on the down-low. Which was surprising because he had every right to be cocky and brag about all of his achievements but he’s the least show-y among his friends.

In Jeno’s defense, he likes to let his performance do all the talking.

Words on the street says he fucks like an incubus, but talks like an angel. He’s proven to be hung, emphasizing the word proven, based on the girls he had walking side to side after he spent a good, long night with them.

But despite all of that, he’s pretty cool and quiet most of the time.

Which is even more attractive. According to a study based on no-actual-facts, girls tend to like the quiet ones more. Especially when they look like a greek god that managed to escape mythology and then learned to be a legend in basketball instead. In simplified terms, girls like Lee Jeno.

Naturally, of course, girls are all over him. That's something really common between the four of his friends, and you're not shocked that Jeno sleeps around-- because he just can. Girls will literally faint in front of him if they could, just to get his attention.

“Don’t make a sound,” he whispered, desperately trying to finish while a girl, known as Jennie, was bent over the counter. His hands covered her mouth, and to be frank, he just want this to be over with.

And of course, in typical fashion, Jennie is also a name most of the students are familiar with. Cheerleading captain, arguably a girl that’s expected to be with him. What makes it so easy, is that this girl is obsessed with Jeno.

Meanwhile Jeno, had no indication of being tied down. He likes hanging out with her sometimes, sure, but the girl’s way too much for him. Jeno likes being lowkey, despite being one of the most famous guy in campus, Jeno preferred to be outside the spotlight.

A couple more thrust, his eyes closed, mind far from the girl bent over in front of him who’s just desperately wanting to pleasure him, Jeno finishes. He murmured a curse, and as soon as the feeling of cumming washes off, guilt starts creeping in his veins as Jennie smiled in satisfaction as she fixes her uniform.

“God, you’re still so fucking good,” Jennie put her hands around Jeno’s neck, biting her lips in hopes to seduce the cold man in front of her.

“Come on, my brother’s gonna be here soon,” Jeno shrugged her hands off, fixing his shirt. He did not even get the chance to take it off, Jennie just went and got what she wanted as soon as she enters the apartment.

Don’t be mistaken tho, Jeno liked having sex, more so with a girl like Jennie. But Jeno’s consciousness can’t help and tell him that he’s stringing along this girl, knowing full well he’s not even one bit interested in pursuing a relationship with her.

Jennie never really cared about what he thinks tho, so that kinds of shaves a bit off of his guilt.

“Call me, okay?” Jennie tried to give him a kiss, but he’s fast enough to dodge it.

Jeno sighed as he walked the girl to the door. And in some wicked timing, his brother opened it, his step stuttering as he saw Jennie, but never minded the fact that the girl is walking side to side. Jisung, his brother, have seen this situation way too much before that it doesn’t shock him anymore.

Another footstep followed behind Jisung, You, not even sparing a glance over him, walking behind his brother. You looked bored, giving absolutely no interest over him or Jennie. He never really got bothered about it before. He’s just wondering when you started ignoring his existence like this.

You were nothing like the girl he witnessed growing up all these years.

The sweet smiles you used to offer him were all gone. The once cute little y/n that he knew were long gone. But what can he do, that’s just how it goes. Right?

People change. And you weren't an exception. But deep inside, Jeno has this unsettling sensation that hunts him at night. This isn’t you. You used to light up the room whenever you walked in. You used to make him believe in butterflies and rainbows and shit, but now, you’re just… there.

Jeno often wonders. But that’s about it. He’s way too much of a pussy to actually read through your chapters that led into this character you have now. So Jeno, the ever so nonchalant, settles in being curious– not concerned in finding answers.

୧ ‧₊˚ ☆

You were twelve, when you met Jisung.

At first, you’re confused. There’s a new family that moved in next door. It was a common occurrence in your neighborhood, really. In your very-long life experience of twelve years, you’ve seen countless families moving in and out. So you question in your pretty little head why your Mom is way too excited about this next one.

Turns out, the family that will be moving in is your Mom’s best friend. You were twelve, you did not care about your Moms friends like that. Apparently, they’ve been best friends ever since they were five. They just kept in touch all these years.

“I'm Jisung,” the little boy, an inch taller than you, reached out his peculiarly large hands at you.

You felt your Mom nudge you a little bit, so in annoyance, you accepted his hand. “Y/n.”

Both mothers shrieked in excitement, but you were busy trying to examine this boy's hands.

Little did you know, that handshake would lead to years of friendship that you’d forever cherish, no matter how annoying this boy with freakishly large hands is.

“Who’s that?” You ask, still helping Jisung to count all his pokemon cards. You point outside their house, by the courtside next to their pool.

Jisung looks, but rolls his eyes after. “That’s my big brother, Jeno-hyung. He’s obsessed with basketballs.”

Your little twelve year old eyes sparkle, watching the boy shoot hoops around the court.

“Ew, you like boys?!” Jisung, disgusted.

“Your brother isn’t a boy, You’re a boy. He’s a man.” You sigh dreamily in sight of Jeno, making Jisung gag.

“He’s old, like, fourteen. Please, he’s a loser! Playing with balls all day,” Jisung says as he waves his hands in an attempt to distract you from his brother.

“Oh well…” you didn’t let it falter your adoration towards Jeno.

And before you could even watch him longer than you wished, Jisung’s mother called you two in for clubhouse sandwiches, and she made banger sandwiches so you really had to follow up to the kitchen.

You were fourteen, when you realized you had a crush on Jisung’s big brother.

“That’s bullshit, the paranormal movie is full of crap!” Chenle, your new found friend, complains as soon as the movie ends. His high pitched voice woke you up, not even realizing you had slept halfway through the movie.

“Dude, it’s from CCTV footage. It’s definitely true!” Jisung counters, and you just want to go back to sleep again.

The Paranormal Movie was mediocre, and maybe you were just a sceptic, but ghosts just doesn’t do it for you. “Most of these horror films really just depend on jumpscares to be scary.”

“Oh, coming from Miss Little poopy pants over here,”

The room went silence over Jisung’s attempt at a clapback, you and Chenle looking at each other before breaking into a laughing pit.

“Poopy pants? Really?” You say, refusing to believe that Jisung still used that term as an insult.

Jisung, obviously flustered, resorted in grabbing two cushions, one at each hands and started throwing them at the both of you.

“Just get the freaking potato chips downstairs.” Jisung says, specifically to you.

“What? No! I’m not going down there!” You say, as you bury yourself further on Jisung’s bed.

“Because you’re scared?” Chenle, in a mocking tone. You flip him off, to try and cover the fact that you are scared because it’s night time and the lights are off.

“No, ghosts aren’t real. Why can’t Chenle go?” You whine even more.

“He already got the drinks, and this is my house so what I say goes!” Jisung grabbed your wrist and pulled you out of the bed.

And because you like proving your point that ghosts aren’t real, you let out a grunt, stomping your way out of Jisung's room.

Your way down the stairs goes smoothly, the light still being on. But as soon as you turn to the dark kitchen, that’s when it creeps in. Yes, you do not believe in ghosts, but you’d be fooling yourself if you say that being alone in the large empty kitchen didn’t scare you.

“Oh, god.” You whisper to yourself, as you desperately find the chips cabinet. Rummaging through as quiet as possible, but also trying to find it as soon as possible.

But when a noise from the table interrupts the creepy silence, you can’t help but yelp out a scream.

“Oh my gosh!”

You turn your head towards the table, just to find a cute little cat that had lost its way through the big surface.

“Thank God it was just a little cat,” you say in relief, but as soon as you try and step closer to it, a name being called from the stairs can be heard.

“Bongsik-ah!”

So it has a name. Bongsik.

A figure walks down the stairs, obviously, being Jeno.

You immediately fold into yourself, biting your lip as soon as he enters the kitchen.

“What are you doing down here?” He says as he carries the cat off the table and on his chest. It took a couple of seconds for him to look at you, and he smiles.

“Y/n-ie. Do you need something from the kitchen?” His soft voice snaps you from the trance, as he helps you with the chips you were trying to get from the upper cabinet. His body was so close to you as he did so, that you swear you can feel his heart beating.

“Y-yeah.. Just those chips. Thanks.” Your entire demeanor changes when it comes to him.

“Here you go,” He says softly, you wonder if he intentionally talks to you like that, or it’s just how he talks. A little bit inside you likes to believe you’re special and that he does this only to you.

“Thanks, uh– new cat?” You say in the most casual tone you could ever produce.

“Yep, a rescue. Mom brought it home the other day. Jisung freaked,” He chuckles as he looks at the cat, snuggling in his chest.

You awe in sight, wanting to pet the cat but you hesitated at first.

“You can pet it,” Jeno moves his body to yours, to allow you to pet Bongsik. You did so, and when the cat purrs at your touch, you gasp in awe.

“Hi Bongsik,” you say in a whisper, intended for the cat only. But you can feel Jeno smile at you.

“You can visit her everyday, not that you’re not here everyday, but she’s gonna be here starting now..”

“She’s adorable,” you say, still petting the cat in his arms.

“I love cats, any pet really. But cats just really bring out the inner softness in me, y’know?” Him being this close to you feels weird and intimate, but it's not like you hate it. Your heart is practically doing jumping-jacks right now.

You use him focusing on Bongsik as an excuse to look at him, even just a glance.

You get a closer look on his face, the mole he has under his left eye, the thin lips and his perfect nose. In the two seconds you allow yourself to take a peek, you convince yourself that you had his features memorized now.

You can just feel that it’s just gonna live with you forever.

Because as he takes Bongsik away and starts walking back up the stairs, you make a big-girl realization that you do have a crush on Lee Jeno.

୧ ‧₊˚ ☆

Jeno was woken up by the sound of his phone ringing. It was his brother, Jisung, calling in the middle of the night asking for his keys.

“What do you need my car for?” Jeno, frustrated as he grabs his keys from the night stand.

“My car broke down and Y/N really needs to get home.” Jisung on the other line also sounded like he just woke up. Jeno curses under his breath.

This wasn’t the first time he heard his brother in trouble with you being the main source of chaos. It’s always the same thing. Either you’re black-out drunk, or one of your boyfriends has dumped you on the side of the street.

Over the years, you had changed so drastically it almost gave him a whiplash. You used to be so careful and so paranoid about drinking, waiting until you turn 18 to get a sip of alcohol. And when you did, it’s like you never stopped.

So despite Jeno’s interrupted slumber, he gets up and leaves his shared apartment with his friends, just to wait outside his building for his brother. And surely, just like every other time this has happened before, he finds Jisung standing there in the cold.

“I need my car tomorrow, in pristine condition. One scratch and you’re done,” Jeno, tossing the car keys to his brother.

Jisung didn’t bother to answer, depicting the reality of brotherhood. But before Jisung could leave, Jeno turns to him.

“What happened this time?”

“She’s really–”

“Drunk?” Jeno finishes his sentence, as if he had seen this before. Jisung sighs in agreement.

“--yeah, and Chenle’s drunk too so he can’t drive her back to the apartment.”

“What happened to her? She isn’t really like this, at all.” Jeno dared to indulge in one of his curiosities.

“I’ve been asking the same question, hyung.” Jisung ends the conversation without really answering Jeno’s question, which frustrated him more.

Because of course, nobody really knows what happened. It’s a question he needs to ask you, directly. Only if you didn’t spend the last few years avoiding being on the same vicinity as him, then maybe he could actually talk to you.

“Three seconds left on the clock, Lee, for the three.. He shoots… and bang! Lee Jeno has done it again!”

Jeno thinks it’s getting way too easy for him. Winning at this point just felt like a routine for him. The new normal, it’s just how it goes around him now. Everytime the other team makes a mistake of letting him have the ball, the game ends with Jeno taking home the win.

Honestly, it’s getting pretty boring and predictable.

“That’s my fuckin’ man!” Yangyang, one of his teammates, excitedly hugs Jeno as he entered yet again another victory party for his team. It’s his second one this semester.

“Okay, dude, chill.” Jeno pushes the very drunk Yangyang away, afraid of getting thrown up on.

As he sinks his feet deeper into the party, he starts getting loose. The alcohol hitting the tense spot in his body, reminding him that fuck it, he’s the man of the evening. This party is for him. So why not have fun, right?

The music starts to sound less chaotic and more tolerable, and the people start to get blurry. Weed and alcohol really does the trick, Jeno thinks.

“Jeno, the man of the hour! That game was lit!” Jeno’s not sure who’s this man, but nevertheless, he still smiled at him and let him dap him up. He blabbers more and more about Jeno’s career path in professional basketball but just like always, Jeno just dismiss it.

It’s too early to plan for the future. He’s enjoying what he has now and content on just thinking about what happens today.Tomorrow is tomorrow’s problem, and he can’t be bothered to be bothered about what his future brings.

Some people likes to think they know what’s best for Jeno, and sometimes it does make sense, Jeno getting to the professional basketball league, in tune to what he does best now. But fuck that. Jeno doesn’t want to be in a box full of other people’s expectation of him.

“Jaemin’s not here?” Jeno finds relief to hear Renjun’s voice, one of his very few trusted people. In some way, knowing Renjun was here by his side, it made him feel that he’s okay.

“Yeah.. he’s still locking himself out.” Jeno answers.

Jaemin was his best friend first, and he knows Jaemin well. And for the first time, he knows Jaemin really do need time for himself. This isn’t something Jeno could fix, he knows when to step away. So he lets Jaemin be.

“Haechan?”

Jeno saw Haechan earlier but he’s not sure where he is now. That’s just how he is. He’s probably in one of the rooms upstairs, on his way to ‘pound town’ in Haechan’s terms.

In typical Jeno fashion, he tolerates some annoying congratulations for a bit, give fake smiles and forced handshakes before finding his way to escape the crowd. Although it’s difficult because again, this party is thrown for him and his team, he still finds a way.

And that way has a name. Yunjin.

“Ah, Jeno,”

At the back of the party, there's a huge backyard, large enough that if he’s with this girl fucking around at the very end of it, he’s sure no one will notice. His hands roam freely against the girl, letting her know his full intention. Not like she has no clue, the hands up her skirt gave her enough hints.

“Hmm,” Jeno hums, just to satisfy the girl’s pleas.

But before it gets further, a rustle of the grass made him stop his tracks.

Someone’s here.

“Wh–what happened,” Yunjin was confused as to why he suddenly stopped.

Jeno furrows his brows, and tries to look at whoever was on the back of the big oak tree.

“Sorry! Sorry– fuck, carry on, please!”

The familiar pitch of voice made Jeno move away from Yunjin. He knows who it is behind the tree. And he suddenly has no interest in going home with Yunjin.

You stumbled out of your hiding with a bottle of alcohol on your right hand, your left trying to pathetically cover your eyes as you tried to walk.

Jeno hates it. He fucking hates how drunk you are right now.

“Oh shit, Jeno!” You peek at the gap in your fingers that was covering your eyes, to see him looking at you with a mix of emotion you can’t make out. He’s not angry, but he’s definitely not amused.

“I–,” you burped, “I’m not here..” you followed with a laugh, finding all these hilarious.

“Don’t mind me!” you laugh again.

Jeno murmured a curse. “Yejin, I’m sorry but I need to go,” he says in finality, not even waiting for the girl to answer as he walks straight in your direction.

“It’s Yunjin! Ugh!” The last words he hears from the girl before she stomps away.

He shakes his head as tried grabbing your arm, to help you at least find a stable balance. He grabs the alcohol out of your grasp harshly.

“Hey, what the fuck!” You whined. You tried to chase the bottle, but with his hold on your arms, you failed to do so.

“Y/n, please, fucking stay still. You’re very drunk!” He says in a strict but stable voice, not wanting to rile you up even more.

“Give me it,” You whined again, much softer this time, and with no attempt at grabbing the bottle.

He looks at your struggling figure, eyes almost closing as you stumble against his hold.

“Ah, fuck it,” he curse one more time before propping you off your feet, carrying you in a bridal style.

“Hey, get me– Oh my gosh! Help!” You yell, but followed with a giggle, which made the people around you think that the situation is not something to be worried about. And they know you and Jeno, so him carrying you just makes sense.

He hates this version of you. He hates how this character you have is so far from what he knew you from. He hates that you find comfort in drinking, partying and sleeping with other men. He hates that whatever happened, it completely changed you. He hates that he cares.

“What the fuck are you staring at?” Jeno can’t help but to lash out at some people who gives him and you a judgemental look. He despises people who judge you.

He finds an empty room upstairs, and he puts you down gently. You dress is up to your waist now, so Jeno pulled it down. He opened his phone to text his brother to let him know you’re with him. He knows Jisung will be worried at your whereabouts. He also texted Chenle, to make sure that they know you’re safe.

He grabs a clean washcloth out the bathroom, and soaks it with cold water.

“I’m not… I am drunk.” You say, swaying your head left to right as you lay in the bed, trying to grab at whatever’s the softest around you.

He sat a foot away from you, but still reached his hands to your face to gently caress you with the soaked towel. This might help sober you up.

Speaking of being sober, Jeno entirely forgets that he’s also intoxicated. For some reason, he sobered up. Seeing you in this state made him think that he needed to straighten up and get you out of here.

“What the fuck are you doing to yourself, y/n..” he says under his breath, as he gently brushes the towel on your face. Seeing you deep in sleep now, he sighed.

You used to be so bubbly. You were sweet as honey, as bright as the sun. He still remembers how your eyes lit up every time you would talk to him. As he looks at you right now, it’s still the same features, the soft ones he grew to know, but he knows that once you wake up, you’d be a stranger again.

He sighed in defeat, and stood up. He was about to get water for you, before the door opened.

“Jeno,” It revealed Qian Kun, a man he heard is your boyfriend. Not sure about the boyfriend part, but he’s sure that he hangs out with you a lot these days.

Kun was his senior, basically the smartest man on this campus. Famous for his 5.0 GPA, this Kun guy really is a genius. He used to get notes from him, back when he was writing for his research paper. He had no idea how you two met, but it’s really not his business.

“She was in the backyard, drunk as fuck.” Jeno says, looking at your peaceful figure.

“Alright. I’ll take it from here,” Kun says, walking past him, around the bed to get to your side.

He can hear Kun murmur a pet name as he caresses your hair. Jeno felt the need to roll his eyes.

“Next time, keep an eye on her. If you can’t handle her, maybe you shouldn’t be with her at all.” Jeno didn’t care if he sounded harsh. He needs to let Kun know that you need to be taken care of properly.

“You don’t know her, Lee. So I suggest, keep your mouth shut and mind your own business.” Kun snapped back, standing up to look back at Jeno.

“Oh, I knew her long before you did. But I agree, she’s your business. I just hate to fucking deal with it because you can’t fucking seem to do it yourself.” With that, Jeno walks out the room.

And even if Jeno sounded secure, he can’t lie and say that leaving you with another man didn’t affect him, even just one bit.

୧ ‧₊˚ ☆

Looks from other people don't budge you at all.

They can stare at you, even whisper some bullshit about you, you really don’t give a shit. There’s nothing they can say that you’ve not said to yourself.

“You really should take it slow with the alcohol, y/n.” The first thing Jisung said as you sat down beside him. You rolled your eyes, and looked at him.

“Not you too,” You say rather exhaustedly.

“Especially me too. I’m your bestfriend and I’m just worried.” Jisung wasn’t the type to give out unsolicited advice, a serious one at that, therefore you sighed.

“It’s college, Jisung. We’re supposed to have fun.”

“Not to a point where other people have to take care of you.” That came out rather harsher than what Jisung had intended, but you really need it. You know it too. You just refuse to believe it.

“You don’t have to take care of me.”

“If not me, then who? You’ve been passed out drunk for the third time this week, y/n. I don’t know what definition of fun you have, but I think it’s not this.” Jisung was scarily serious now. You blink to try and process the seriousness of the situation.

You gulp, realizing that Jisung isn’t in the mood for your snarky comments right now. “Alright, damn. I’ll take it down a notch..” you say and look away from him.

You can’t blame Jisung for acting like this. You know that you’re spiraling down, you just refuse to accept it. In your head, this is just how college life goes. You get drunk, have sex and maybe a little bit of homework here and there. In your head, this is how it should be.

In a fucked up world, it is. But your world is already fucked up. So in a way, it just makes sense. To you.

“You have to get better,” Kun’s words rang in your head.

“This is the best I can, Kun. Chemistry isn’t really my thing,” you turn your homework down at Kun’s table. You were here after class, hoping to get help from Kun.

Despite popular belief, Kun isn’t your boyfriend. You’re too fucked up to commit into a relationship, no matter how good Kun is. Matter of fact, Kun is just the perfect man for that role. You can see yourself going straight with him, like your life might just take a turn for the better.

However, no matter how evil you see yourself as, you’re not that evil to give Kun the burden to have you as a girlfriend. You can’t do that to him.

And you did clarify that to him before sleeping with him. That whatever you have, just had to stay that way. He can’t expect something more. Surprisingly, he agreed. Qian Kun, the guy that has so much credentials because of his undeniable intelligence, the guy who rejected Harvard and Stanford, agreed to have a stupid set-up with a girl that’s one step away from actually losing it. Why?

You have absolutely no idea.

“I’m not talking about your homework, my love.” He says, sighing. You know that sigh very well.

You look at him, your eyes stoic as they can be. “We’re not having this conversation.”

Kun closed his eyes as he let out a deep breath. “You need to have this conversation. Lee Jeno had to carry you upstairs, in front of everyone last night. You were so drunk that you threw up all over yourself and you think that’s okay?”

Oh, so that’s what happened. He had to rescue you. Out of all people, of course it had to be him.

“Look, Kun, I didn’t come here to be judged. I was stupid for drinking that much, I know. But it’s not gonna happen again.” You say matter-of-factly. This is the second time this day that you had to promise to someone that you’ll be drinking responsibly. You feel like everyone is ganging up on you.

“Okay, sweetheart. Okay, calm down.” You didn’t know you were standing up until Kun pulled you from your wrist to sit back down.

Kun smiled at you and kissed your forehead, before sliding your homework back in front of you again and clicking his pen. “Let me see your answers…”

You’re glad he decided to drop the topic, but before you could even say thank you, an aggressive knock on Kun’s office got both of you to look up.

“Y/N! I know you’re in there! Qian, open your fucking door!”

You widen your eyes. “Fuck, it’s Yeonjun!” you say, standing up and grabbing your purse.

Kun looks at you, before looking back at the door. You can tell he had a very concerned face, but as soon as another man’s name fell out of your lips, he knew right away what situation you’re in. He pinched the bridge of his nose due to stress, and stood up.

“What is it this time?” He asks, not that he needed to.

“He’s just… Ugh, I told him we were over!” You say, feeling bad that this situation is happening in front of Kun. The knocks are turning more aggressive.

“Y/N, you slut!” Another loud bang from the door.

“I’ll deal with him.” Kun says. You immediately shake your head in disagreement.

“No! I’ll go. You don’t need to–”

“I’m not letting that man harass you, y/n—”

“No, Kun. I’m not letting you deal with my problems anymore.” Before Kun could even say anything, you opened up the door to see a very angry Yeonjun.

Kun rushed to your side, but you didn’t let him get in contact with Yeonjun and slammed the door shut.

“You’re gonna ghost me and you think that’s funny?” Yeonjun seemed to calm down, seeing you in front of him.

There’s quite a crowd that’s forming in the hallway, some have their phones out, some whispering whilst looking at you two. Not that you care.

“Let’s talk outside—”

“Yes, you’re coming with me after I punch that–” Before Yeonjun could even finish saying it, you looked him straight in the eyes, pointing at him.

“You’re not touching Kun,” you say, full of conviction. If there’s anything you could do for Kun, its that you will protect him from getting tangled with your mess.

You pulled his wrist to get him out of the building.

At the end of the day, there’s one thing that could shut these kinds of men up. It’s getting real easy, one thing you do for them and they’ll behave like a dog. It’s getting laughable, really.

So you shut them up. By doing what you do best.

୧ ‧₊˚ ☆

You were sixteen, when you got your heart broken for the first time.

“Stop looking at my brother, you weirdo.” Jisung threw a pillow towards your position on the couch.

The soft object hit you right in the noggin, earning a grunt as you pulled your eyes off of him.

“Bitch. It’s not my fault he’s getting hotter by the day. Damn,”

You were busy staring out the pool area, where Jeno and his friends are hanging out. You were at Jisung’s place, spending your summer in the most boring ways.

Good thing Jeno’s gorgeous self is here, entertaining you. He’s so pretty, you could just eat him up.

“No he’s not. He’s a nerd!” Jisung fights back, earning a smirk from you.

“Says the one who's summer plans are to play league of legends until he becomes a ‘Challenger’ .” You retort, cranking your neck back to where Jeno was.

You recognize his friends, of course. They’re starting to gain popularity in the school, especially when Jeno got on the basketball team.He’s been working out a lot, gaining extra muscles, toning his body to get even hotter. If that’s even possible.

“Eugh, Jisung, y/n’s drooling over Jeno-hyung again.” Chenle enters the conversation, with a soda in his hand and plops himself on the couch.

“I am not drooling!”

“I got something you can drool on.” Chenle’s awful snark earns a hefty punch on his shoulder from you, the boy laughing in a high-pitch tone that makes it even more annoying than it is.

“Anyways, I think he likes me too.” You sigh dreamily, remembering the things Jeno does to you specifically.

He always carries your bags for you. He’s always the first person to welcome you into their house, and the first person to ask if you’ve had breakfast yet. He offers you rides to school when he sees you walking, and he always asks how your day has been. He’s so charming, so nice and you just can’t help but give at least a little bit of malice into it.

I mean, there has to be something, right?

“Oh she’s crazy. She’s fucking insane!” Chenle dramatically gasps, and points at you like you’ve committed a crime.

“That is seriously concerning, y/n. The level of delusion– my god.” Jisung joins in, as he pauses his game to look back and judge you.

“You two are just haters. Get off my ass!” You flip them off, with two hands, each one gets a middle finger from you.

“Look, y/n, we’re just sparing you from getting your little heart broken. Jeno-hyung does not like you.” Chenle’s tone becomes more serious this time, but in your head, he’s wrong. If Jeno didn’t like you, then why would he get out his way just to walk you home whenever you leave their house way too late?

“Seriously. You guys, I really think he’s the one for me. I mean, I can’t really think of any other reason as to why he’s so kind to me, y’know?”

Jisung looked at Chenle as if he really cannot believe what he’s hearing from you. Chenle shakes his head left to right, disappointment spread all over his face.

A set of laughter broke your conversation as you three faced out the pool side, to see Jeno and his friends now actually playing in the pool. Jeno then went on the edge, the ones in front of the back door where you were looking from, and pulled himself out of the water.

The trinkets of water dripping in his hair was one thing, but his wet body being revealed in front of you, the perfect curve of his shoulders down to his small waist, and the veins in his arms definitely woke something up in you.

“Yeah… I’ll confess to him tonight.” your voice almost sounded strange, like you were in a hypnotic state, still mesmerized by Jeno.

“Jesus christ, y/n–” before Jisung finishes, Chenle interrupts.

“Dude, let her. This is her canon event.”

You had no idea what that means, and you’re not interested to know. One thing’s in your mind, Jeno will be yours by midnight.

9:56pm

It’s like the heavens planned it all out for you.

Jeno’s friends all left, as to your surprise, because you thought they’d at least spend the night. Jeno had always offered to let his friends stay, but this time, he asked them to leave before 6. Which is odd, yes, but this all favors you in a way.

Chenle and Jisung still visibly opposed to your idea, and you’re sure they had reason to think its not gonna work out, but it’s not like it matters to you.

Whilst the three of you are in Jisung’s room, you can hear the TV on the lounge area. Their parents are out of town this summer, something about a cruise, so that means, it has to be Jeno.

In your mind, it’s the perfect timing. It’s deep in the evening, the moon’s out, and there’s never been an opportunity where you’re brave enough to actually confess.

Your heartbeat notches another tempo, as you leave Jisung’s room, much to the two’s dismay.

Before you could get to the lounge area, you’d have to pass the kitchen first.

A couple more steps, your feet turning cold, but you still managed. But before you can get a glimpse on the couch, your name was called.

“Y/n?” It’s him. Fuck, it’s him!

Okay, so he’s in the kitchen. That’s fine. Take a deep breath, You just gotta talk to him!

“Jeno,”

You took a step closer to where he was, and he’s looking extra delectable with his white shirt and grey sweatpants. Not that there’s been a moment where he didn’t look good.

“Are you going home? Ask Jisung to walk you home, I kinda—“

“Jeno, I want to talk to you, actually.” Now your voice trembles, and you’re starting to feel nervous.

“Oh, okay. Sure, what’s up?” Jeno looks to be still oblivious to your anxious state. He puts down the wine that he was holding, and turned to you completely.

You gulped, finally looking up to his eyes. He had a shadow of smile on them, but was still curious on what you had to say. You're mere two feet away from him, yet his musky scent still invades your nose.

God, all of that can be yours.

“But you’d have to say it fast because I have—”

“I like you. Very much.”

The deafening silence engulfs you, and only the sound of your heartbeat was prominent. Him, on the other hand, eyes wide, mouth ajar.

“—and I know this is so sudden but I’ve liked you ever since we were kids. I’ve always thought you were cute and nice to me!” You tried to fill in the silence, because every second that passed with him not saying anything kills you.

Another second passed, and your nervousness is long gone, because it was replaced by an impending doom.

“Y/n, look, I really appreciate it but… I-I’m just being nice.. I have to be nice. You’re my brother’s best friend—”

Fuck, shit, fuck! This cannot be happening!

“Oh, my, god!”

A high pitched voice behind you tores the tension in the air, and when you looked back, you saw Eunmi, with an amused look in her face, then covering her mouth with her hands.

She let out a laugh, as if he finds all of this ridiculous.

All of a sudden, you can’t breathe. Your heart was about to explode as you looked back at where Jeno was, seeing two wine glasses behind him. The movie in the background, still playing.

And it all just stops.

“That’s so cute!” Eunmi screeched, before walking towards Jeno and snaking her arms around him.

“Babe, I was wondering why it’s taking so long, you didn’t tell me this girl is pouring her heart out to you! Awe,”

You can feel your eyes warming up. You had so much left to say. But your voice can’t be found. The heart ache was too loud for you to even utter a word.

And in the end, all you could say was, “I’ll.. go home.”

Then you were gone, every step with every tear drop, and although you expected it to hurt, it still surprises you how painful it was.

You’re glad he didn’t run after you. You can’t be more pathetic than this, but it would kill you for him to witness your vulnerability.

Jeno was your first love.

And then Jeno became your first heartbreak.

With all the smiles he brought you, you never thought he could cause you so many tears.

୧ ‧₊˚ ☆

Is it wrong to be this young and this tired?

You look at yourself in the mirror, analyzing every inch of your body. On the contrary, you don’t hate what you see. You’ve worked so hard to attain the body that you have now, and you’re satisfied where you’re at.

But there’s an empty feeling in your stomach that never left, and you can’t seem to figure out what it is. It’s always been there.

“Get back to bed,” You hear a disgruntled sound from the bed, and immediately your smile fades. You’re pulled back to reality, one that you hated to be in.

“I’m going home,” you say, before grabbing your clothes and putting them back on.

You don’t know why you do this, but you wait before walking out the door, for a sliver of a second to see if the man on the bed even attempts to ask you to stay. And just what you expected, he didn’t.

Sometimes you wish you’re worthy of being asked to stay, but who were you kidding.

There’s a deep routed scar that you’ve been trying so hard to cover. You like to think that the antidote that you have for it works, but the way you’ve been stuck in the same situation all over again says otherwise.

You thought you were healing, but the truth is, you just stopped feeling.

All your life is ahead of you, they say. But yours feels far behind.

You don’t really know where you went wrong, you thought if you became pretty, everybody would like you. You thought that if you agreed to sleep with them, they’d appreciate you. You thought that if you change your entire personality, they would start to see you.

Where did you go wrong? You dyed your hair blonde, you worked your body to achieve the hourglass figure and you even went ahead and let every man that looks your way to have you. Isn’t that enough?

See, this is why you hate being sober. You hate being alone with your thoughts, because it drowns you. You start thinking of things that overwhelms you to the point of tears, and you hate crying. You’ve already done too much of that before.

So why does everybody hate you for drinking? If that’s the only escape you know? It isn’t fair.

“I’m losing my mind,” you say, biting your nails and jerking your knees in frustration.

“Jesus, you’re like a crack addict without crack for a day.” Chenle says as he looks at you.

“She hasn’t had alcohol in a week,” Jisung says as if he’s proud, smiling at you.

You roll your eyes. You’ve been trying to stray off alcohol ever since Jisung and Kun asked you to. You ought to at least try, because you owe them that. On the latter part, if it didn’t work, and you spiral out, you can at least say that you tried.

“Ah, fuck it.” You say, but before Jisung freaks, you clarify, “I’m just gonna smoke for a bit, grandpa.” You say and dashed out of his dorm, down to the parking lot.

It’s winter, and the snow has already covered the streets. The cold was always your favorite season, it gives you reason to just stay inside and cuddle up in your cozy room.

You open up a new packet of cigarettes as you stand outside basking in winter air. It’s especially windy today, you thought.

The heat of the smoke traveling through your lungs was refreshing. It rivals the coldness of the wind, creating a balance that hits you just right. A perfect combination of sensation to combat the numbness in you.

Before the light hits the filter of the cigarette, you hear a screeching sound to your left.

It was a car, no, it was his car.

You mentally curse, throwing the unfinished stick to your feet and stomping on it. You frantically try to walk back up the building, but as you hear the car door slamming, you take a deep breath.

“Smoking’s really bad for you,” Jeno says, walking towards your direction.

“You basically run off of weed and gatorade, Jeno.”

Although you did try your best to keep walking, Jeno catched up in a couple of steps. You stood together waiting for the elevator.

“Is Chenle upstairs, too?” He starts.

“Yeah. Congrats on the game, Jeno. Sorry I had to ruin your night,” you followed it with a slight laugh, hoping to lighten the mood.

“Nah, it’s fine. Didn’t wanna stay in that party anyways,”

The elevator finally dings open, you hesitate to move at first, but when Jeno enters the lift and looks at you, you take this as a sign to walk in with him. So walk in you did.

“Kun took care of you, right?” He asks. You badly wanted to look at him, but you chose not to.

“Yeah.. he’s a great guy.” You silently say, not feeling good about the conversation.

“Hm,” he paused. The suspicious tone made you look at him, anticipating what comes out of his mouth next.

“I saw you walking out of Yeojun's dorm last night tho.” He says as if it was nothing, as if it was a little detail he had to tell you. But the underlying idea behind his statement was obvious.

You hitched your breath. No, y/n. Fight back.

“What can I say, I’m booked and busy.”

“You’re— that’s not something to be proud of, y/n.” He states as if he’s running out of patience, now looking back at you.

You smirked wider, “Oh don’t be a hypocrite, Jeno. You do the same damn thing,”

He grunts in frustration. “Yes but you’re different, y/n!”

8… 9….

“Different in what way? Because I’m a woman? And this isn’t what women do? Don’t give me that bullshit,”

“Fuck that, you know that’s not what I meant. I’m just protecting you from what people think about you.”

10… 11… 12…

“Jeno, I want you to listen to me carefully.” You took another step closer to him, looking up to level your face with his. “—whatever you heard about me, I want you to times it by a million, and when you think it’s bad, make it worse.” You whispered.

You tilt your head to hover your lips on his ear, “And guess what, who knows, maybe they’re telling the truth.”

And as soon as the elevator hits the 15th floor, you walk out without looking back.

୧ ‧₊˚ ☆

You were a lost cause.

Jeno thought he just needed to accept the fact that you’re just never gonna be the same.

He doesn’t know why it bothered him so much, the fact that you’re not letting anyone help you. It never bothered him before, and so, it shouldn’t bother him now.

It’s not his fault that you turned out to be this way. It’s not his fault.

So he distracts himself. Both in ways of basketball and women.

He tried to go back to his old ways, back to where he’s safe. He was doing fine, before you plagued his system. Plus, it’s not like he didn’t try, he damn did try.

Maybe this version of you is the real you. Maybe this is what’s meant to be.

“Holy fuck,” Haechan eyes the woman who walks out of Jeno’s room, obviously checking her out. Jeno just rolled his eyes and spread his arms around the back of the couch. Dragging a long hit of the weed he seemed to never get run out of.

“That’s the third girl this week, Jeno. Are you trying to break my record?” Haechan scoffed, as if proud of his friend.

“I’m not trying to break anything, but if you want, I’d gladly break your nose.”

Haechan put both his hands up, taking a step back because out of all of them, Jeno’s the one who could really do it. And he’s not trying to risk his beautiful face.

“Dude, this is bad.” Renjun was the second one to comment, following Haechan. He looked at Jeno’s state, and he can tell something’s not right. There’s something bothering Jeno, and Renjun can’t exactly tell what.

He had an idea, but he’s sure as hell won’t tell it to Jeno’s face.

“What? I have two weeks before the game. I need to relax.” Jeno says, ignoring the concern in Renjun’s face.

“And this is relaxing to you?” Renjun grabs an empty bottle of beer, one of the many that’s scattered all over the place.

Jeno didn’t answer, letting a sigh out of his lips and closing his eyes. He can’t think straight right now, or in the past week. He had been sleeping with different girls, to the point where he ran out of bed sheets to use. His room stinks of sweat and axe body spray, and he can’t seem to be satisfied, at all.

“I don’t know, Junnie. Just… leave me alone.” At this moment, Renjun can’t help but sigh. It's these kinds of moments where he knows that Jeno needs someone. Where the one month gap in their age really shines and Jeno needs his older brother, Renjun.

He puts down the plastic bag of trash and sat beside Jeno. “Look, Jeno. I’m not gonna sit here and ask you what this is about, but this is starting to look really sad. Jaemin is already down, and I don’t need you broken too. I can’t handle Haechan by myself,” Renjun, in an attempt to lighten up the mood.

“Junnie, just let me be, okay? I swear.. this will pass.”

“I sure hope it would. Because you can’t fix someone if you’re broken yourself. That’s just plain dumb.”

He grunts, and cursed deeply because he know’s Renjun’s right. But how can he, when it feels like he’s stuck? When has everything, but he feels like he’s got nothing? He has a great future ahead of him, he knows that, but why does it feel like something’s missing?

Girls, money, fame. What more could he want?

In a split second, Jeno regrets asking himself that question. Because he feel like he knows the answer, but he really doesn’t like it.

୧ ‧₊˚ ☆

“Lee Jeno, what the fuck was that?!”

Yangyang pushed Jeno, but instead of fighting back, Jeno just shook his head. He raked his fingers across his hair as he sat at the bleachers.

Thank fuck this isn’t the actual university game. Because if it was, they’d for sure lose the first quarter and Jeno will have his first ever loss written on his otherwise squeaky clean reputation.

“Don’t fucking yell at my face.” Jeno’s voice thundered.

“Five hundred dollars are at stake, and Minho would not let us live if you lose against him, Jeno.” Yangyang’s voice was a lot more controlled, but still angry, nonetheless.

“Man, I don’t really care.” Jeno let out an unenthusiastic chuckle, drinking out of his tumbler.

“What?” Yangyang feels like he’s mistaken. Lee Jeno doesn’t care if he loses? In a basketball game, that is? Oh he truly thinks the world has turned upside down.

Before he could even ask his friend again, Minho starts shouting from the other side of the court.

“What, Lee Jeno? The magic doesn’t work now, doesn’t it?” Minho yells, earning a laugh from his teammates.

“Fuck you! Games not over, bitch!” Yangyang yells back, full of confidence but looked back at Jeno, worry splattered in his face.

“Dude, I swear, we need to put that son of a bitch back in his place!” Yangyang angrily whispers.

“I’m gonna sit this one out, Yang–”

“How about we bet on that y/n girl?! Your brother’s friend, right? Heard she spreads it open to just about anyone who looks at her funny!”

Without even thinking, Jeno’s fast on his feet, and his vision turns red. His fist curled up and his logical thinking was out of the window. His vision is straight at Minho, and his only thought is to knock this bitch out.

Yangyang couldn’t even process anything, as he watches Jeno’s eyes darkens and before any of his teammates could even try and stop Jeno, his fist already connects with Minho’s face. The boy fell down, immediately knocked out, and chaos between both teams ensues. But Jeno didn’t stop.

He’s not letting Minho get up.

“Jeno, slow the fuck down.” He heard a concerned voice at the corner of the nearby club he went to. His feet dragged him here after the incident, wanting to drown himself with anything that could take away his mind from everything.

One shot, two shots, three shots, four.

“I’m paying you, Doyoung, aren’t I?” Jeno says, rolling his eyes at the older man in front of him.

Doyoung was another person Jeno trusts. Besides the three idiots back in his apartment, Doyoung is also the one Jeno’s comfortable with.

“Yes, but I don’t want to report an alcohol poisoning inside my bar, Jeno.” Doyoung can tell Jeno’s done for the night. Slumped over his counter, he forces the shot glass out of Jeno’s hold.

He signals one of his co-bartenders to take over the bar for a bit, before dragging Jeno’s body out of the bar. He notices the bruising at the boy’s hand but he didn’t say anything and drove Jeno home.

“I don’t want to go back to my apartment, Haechan’s there with a girl,” Jeno mumbled, slowly getting more and more sober as the fresh air wakes him up.

“Where’d you want me to bring you then?” Doyoung asked.

“I don’t know… fuck.. just, bring me back to my brother’s.”

Thankfully, Doyoung knew Jisung’s apartment. He’s close with both of the brothers, often being mistaken as a brother as well. But after graduating, he just naturally went off and did other things.

Doyoung huffs as soon as he successfully brought Jeno in front of Jisung’s apartment, however, another problem was that Jisung isn’t answering the phone.

“Jeno, I really can’t stay here with you, I just sneaked out of my shift,” he explains, but Jeno just dismissed him and nods. Doyoung knocks at the door before he left, making sure that if there was a person inside, they’d open the door for Jeno.

Jeno wasn’t as drunk as earlier, that’s for sure. What’s left is the pounding headache plus the fact that no one’s opening the door for him.

Out of sheer frustration, he kicks the door, strong enough to make a banging sound but not hard enough to damage it.

“Fucking Jisung,” he murmured to himself, almost turning his heels to walk out, but before he could, rattling on the other side of the door can be heard.

Jeno sighs in relief, but seconds after it opened, what greets him almost knocks the breath out of his lungs.

“Shit, Jeno.” Your soft voice matched your soft expression as you look at him with obvious shock.

Jeno, on the other hand, didn’t want to extend the painful awkward silence.

“I-Is my brother there?” Stuttering was never Jeno’s thing. Until this moment, he thinks.

“He’s… he’s like, I think at a girls place somewhere… fuck, I think her name’s Jieun or some shit..” Your eyes take turns in blinking, but still standing straight— conflicting the idea that you’re drunk. Well, at least not y/n drunk.

“Then why are you here?” He didn’t know why, but his hands automatically grabs the door knob to swing the door more open to see if you’re inside with somebody.

He just needs to know you’re alone.

“I crash here sometimes… when I’m locked out of my apartment.” You shoulders where slumped, words were coming out slow. Jeno can tell you’re not sober.

He can’t say shit because he’s not in an exactly sober state as well. So he just proceeds to walk past you to enter the dorm.

Technically, Jisung’s place is his place too. Their parents fixed it up for the two of them but Jeno chose to stay over at his shared apartment with the other boys. So he can do whatever he wants to do.

The entire place reeks of weed, and the floor has two empty bottles of Soju. He almost threw up, he hates Soju.

“Jesus fucking christ, Jisung.” He murmured as he picks up the trash, forgetting that you were standing behind him baffled.

“I’m sorry about that…” Of course it’s yours. Of course you’ve been drinking again. Fuck him for thinking that it’s his brother’s fault. Because it’s would always be you.

Jeno stays quiet. He’s not in the best mood to even look at you. Everything that’s been happening to him recently is because of you. He hates that he blames you, but he can’t just think of someone else.

“Jeno...” Your soft voice calls for him again. It took everything from him to ignore you, and walk back to the kitchen and throw all the trash away.

He’s hanging by a thread, and he starts to realize it’s a bad idea to stay here for long.

He takes a deep breath and walks towards the door, but before that, he felt a tight grip in his arms.

“Jeno.. talk to me.” The sultry voice you had did not go unnoticed, and Jeno couldn’t help but stop his tracks.

Don’t break, Jeno.

“Jeno.. please look at me.”

He forces your grip out of his arms. It kills him, so much to hear you like this.

“I’m leaving,” He managed to say, however, his feet says otherwise. He’s standing still, not even another step out the door.

“You’re not, please. Just… just look at me.” Jeno heaves, his hands turning into fists as he tries and compose himself.

Just this once.

He turns his heel and immediately surrendered. The moment he let his eyes on you, he already lost the game.

“Why don’t you want me?”

He gulps. He bit his lip to stop himself from saying anything, because he doesn’t trust that he’s not going to say something he’s not ready to say.

“You’ve had so many girls.. Jeno, why not me? I’m…” You paused, you look left to right as if you’re finding words to say. “..I’m better than all of them.”

“Y/n—“

“No! Fuck it, Jeno! There’s no fucking reason why you won’t fuck me! It doesn’t make any fucking sense!” Jeno hears ringing in his head, the string of patience threatening to snap.

“Why? Explain to me fucking why you would fuck all those bitches and not me? I swear.. Jeno, I’m good— fuck that, I’m the best—”

“I’m so—”

“Ask half of your team.”

In that note, the last thread he was hanging on to snapped. You want him? Fine. Take it.

He grips your arms and drags you inside of the room, and in his peripheral view, he can see your demeanor changes. Now, your eyes are mischievous, and your lips turning into a smirk.

“You want to fucking play that game? Fine, I’ll fucking play with you.” Jeno almost growls, letting you sit on the bed as he slams the door shut.

“Strip.” He orders, in the most dominant voice he has.

You bit your lip as you look up at him. Slowly discarding your clothes one by one, but not breaking eye contact with him.

His eyes were dark. So dark that you can’t tell anything that’s on his mind. His jaw tightens at the sight of you almost stripped off of your dress.

“I’ve been so fucking patient with you,”

The dim lights shone at his back, as he craned his body down, standing before you. Nearing his face unto yours, the mirror on the side of the bed depicted something out of a dark fairytale, a silhouette of a beast trying to tempt an angel.

But in reality, the angel had already fallen. Deep and hard. The beast didn't even have to do anything.

"Tell me you want me," he says.

"I do, Jeno. I really want you," And as of this moment, you lost the battle you've fought for all these years.

"All this time, huh? You're still lusting over your best friend's brother?" Now, his tone was slightly teasing. His once gentle hands on your cheeks turned possessive, his grip getting tighter.

"Dirty, dirty, dirty little girl. Bet when you fuck those boys, you think of me, don't you?" His thumb on your lower lip, parting it softly.

"This is your chance, y/n. Tonight, I'm yours. Just tell me the words," his whispers turned deadly, as his own lips are almost touching yours.

"J-jeno.."

"Pretty, pretty, pretty..." His words spit like venom. Every movement of his lips gave you a tease, your entire body burning with desire.

Your mind was under his control, and you completely and utterly surrendered to him. He's not yours— you're his.

"—Please," you finally choked out, and like a green light, Jeno kissed you with hunger, pushing his entire body weight onto you forcing you to lay down on the bed.

“I thought you won’t beg anymore?” The cockiness in his voice would usually prompt a reaction from you but you don’t care anymore.

This time, his hips close the distance between your bodies, maneuvering his knees to position between your legs. Careful not to crush you, he kept balance of his weight as he pushed his hip further, creating a slight friction between your clothed core.

After what it seemed like forever, his lips traveled down your neck, and almost immediately you can feel that he's gonna leave a mark. You'll definitely leave with a painted neck.

His hands expertly went under your dress, grabbing your breast, squeezing them ever so slightly. It doesn't take a full minute when his hands went around your back and unclasped your bra like it was nothing. All while he was focused on kissing every part of your skin.

Of course he's good at this.

Just then, he pulled away but only to pull your dress up and completely undress you. He took his time looking at your exposed body.

"You're so fuckin' perfect," he mumbled more so to himself as he admired you. He leaned in again but this time his mouth landed on one of your breasts, sucking them deftly.

"Shit, Jeno," you can't help but moan his name, grab the back of his head to level yourself. You pulled his hair, and you didn't know if he likes it, but with the way he groaned gave you a hint that he does.

As he keeps himself busy, his hands go down to your clothed core. Goosebumps ran down your body as his middle finger traced your slit, already feeling the wetness you've desperately hid before.

"So fuckin' wet, and all for me. Am I right, baby?" He whispered, you answered with a whiny 'yes' that it almost sounded like a stranger.

"Lemme' take this off," he quickly pulled down your panties, only to be welcomed by your soaking wet core. Jeno was ravenous, like he's been starved all his life.

The room was dark, only a dim lamp providing some light, but the wetness in your pussy glistens and reflects, that Jeno swore he's never seen something so beautiful. You're beautiful, and he's gonna make you feel just exactly that.

You can hear his belt buckle, him swiftly taking all his clothes off.

"God, I can never get used to how fucking pretty you are, my pretty little baby," he mumbled again, to himself.

"Who was the last guy you fucked, baby?" Jeno asked, catching you off guard. He was pumping himself as he looks at you, and you never thought he would ask such question.

"Wha-- why? I don't kn- probably—" Your speech cut off when you looked down at his moving arms, to see all of him.

You've heard rumors. You knew he was packing. But good God, he's so fucking big. Almost knocking the breath out of your lungs. You're starting to get worried if it would fit.

"Doesn't even matter.. everyone else doesn't count. Just me.”

He then pressed his finger down in your core, finding the clit right away. Rapidly circling his finger, and a wave of pleasure started to form. "Oh fuck--," you moaned.

He dove down to kiss you, this time passionately. Much softer than before. Only for you to feel his finger entering you that you went crazy. Not long before he added another,pumping it swiftly in and out. He moved away from your face to watch your expression. And he fucking loved it.

"Fuck, I'm gonna cum-" you whispered.

"Go on, baby." Jeno, encouraging you even more, fingers going faster.

"Shit.. oh my go-" and then it hit you, your first orgasm of the night. Jeno's face was all you can see, and his fingers was all you can feel. Your brows furrowed, mouth agape, you felt like you can't control your body. Jeno's lips was also parted, as if he gains pleasure from watching you reach your climax.

"Good girl," he groaned.

"Need more, Jen. Please," begging was never on your vocabulary, until now.

"Shh, no need to beg, baby. I'm more than willing to give you all," his sweet words acted as an aphrodisiac, igniting the fire in you. As if you needed him to be even more sexier.

Because it was dark in the room, your sense of touch is heightened. Every touch lingered, and its as if you were touch deprived your entire life. Jeno brings out your true colors, and you're not mad about it.

"Make you feel good," he whispered more praises, and you can hear him pump himself as he aligned his length onto your aching core.

"Oh my god," you can't help but gasp, the stretch overwhelming you. You've never taken someone this big before, and it fucking felt like its your first time. Not in a painful way, but because you've felt a whole new sensation.

"S' wet, baby, fuck, you're choking me," in a low groan, Jeno slowly bottomed out. He sits fully inside you, and you can feel every single inch, every single vein. It felt so raw, and so right.

"Hmm, fuck, fuck you feel.. fucking hell. S' good." You never expected Jeno to be this vocal, and you weren't complaining. You always thought he didn't like being vocal, but damn, were you so wrong.

"Jeno.." you moaned, and you can already feel your impending orgasm. Its just that good.

Before Jeno could even find a pace with his thrust,, he pulled out. Your eyes opened in confusion, from the abrupt emptiness.

"Fuck this," Jeno was fast on his feet, you wondered where he was going, but before your mind settles on a conclusion, you were blinded by bright lights.

"Need to see you properly," he reasoned, before he went back to the position he was before.

With the lights on, you can now see his perfectly lean body, toned abs and the sweat beading on his sideburns. He looked so hot that you could cum right there and then.

"So fucking beautiful," Jeno never failed to compliment you, as he stares at you before sliding it in again. For the second time you gasp, but because he slid it in so swift that you didn't even get a second to breathe before he pounds.

"Oh, fuck, Jeno!" you squealed, your entire body rocking back and forth with how rough he was.

His hands grabbed your left leg and hooked it in his shoulder, all the while he kept the fast pace of his thrusts. You can see his face twist, him biting his lips and looking up. His expert thrusts made his abs flex everytime. The sight was stunning, and for a second there you were lost. You can't believe other girls had seen this before you.

The orgasm you fought so hard was out of your control now, and you knew you weren't gonna last.

"Jeno, I'm gonna cum," you tell him, and he switched his position in no time. "Together. Cum with me," he muttered.

"Come inside, Jeno. I need it so bad," you were slurring words at this point, so barbaric with the feeling.

He unhooked your leg and leaned forward. Your body now pressed together as he wrapped your legs onto his waist, his hands finding your neck, holding it steady as he touched his forehead with yours. His piercing eyes were hyper focused on yours.

"Eyes on me, baby. Fuck, please," he moaned, his tempo going even more rapid and desperate. Both of your mouths was wide open at this point.

"Fuck! Fuck, fuck!" he stilled, as you both reached climax. He emptied himself inside you. You can't help but moan in a high pitch as orgasm washes over your entire body, an intense wave brought you to euphoria, and you never wanna leave.

"Damn," he whispered, almost in disbelief on how it felt to be with you. Still giving you everything he had, every single drop.

"Jeno," you called out once you relaxed, hoping to get him back to his senses.

"Wait- just.. shit." he managed to mutter despite his weak state. He's still wrapped around you, tight as if you were disappearing. Not to mention he's still balls deep.

A solid minute has passed when he decided to pull out, both of you hissing at the feeling. You felt so empty, and he felt so bare.

And when Jeno closes his eyes, he accepts defeat. You’ve successfully broken him.

୧ ‧₊˚ ☆

Sooyoung, Minnie, Hoyeon, Yoonah.

So far, those are the names that you gathered.

It doesn’t take a long time to figure out what Jeno likes, based on the girls he’s been with. They’re all hot, popular with the boys, and if not the same age as him, they’re older.

The other common denominator is that they all have experience. When Jeno started sleeping around, you would only see him with women who’s expected to be with him. Like those women who knows how pretty they are, who’s aware how to handle a man like Jeno.

So when you finally turn eighteen, you did not waste time.

“Do you think I look hot in this, Ji?” You ask innocently, looking at your best friend through the mirror you’re standing in front of.

He barely looks up from his nintendo switch, and when you make eye contact, the look of disgust on his face makes you roll your eyes.

“Your freakin’ ass is hanging off that skirt. You look like a…” Jisung turns his head towards Chenle on the other side of the room, playing on his playstation.

“…hooker.” Chenle finished the sentence for him. You hide a smirk.

“I’ll take that as a compliment, thank you!” You did a curtsy, before grabbing your purse.

“Wait, where are you going?” Chenle asked as soon as he paused the game to see you walk towards the door.

“NCU is throwing this party for the new basketball team, got an invite from Jungwoo.” You gave Chenle a wink, knowing it would annoy the heck out of him.

“What?! Why do I not know about this?!” You flinched when Chenle says the first word in the highest octave possible.

“Probably because we’re not in NCU’s college department yet? The party’s exclusive for college students, dumbass.” Jisung says boredly, bringing his attention back to his nintendo.

“Except I got an invite, you losers didn’t!” And just for extra annoyance, you stick your tongue out to mock them.

Chenle only huffs, but takes his phone out of his pocket.

“Invited or not, I’m going. I’m sure your broke ass would take up a free ride to the party,” He says as he waits for someone on his phone.

“And how do you plan to enter the party, dimwit? You don’t have an invite,” Jisung asks.

“I’m Zhong fucking Chenle. That’s my invite.” He smirks, grabs his keys and your wrist. You flew a kiss towards Jisung and left his apartment.

Booming music, strobe lights. The bass vibrates through the wall and honestly, this is way too extreme from what you expected. This is the first real party you had attended, where you’re specifically invited.

Jungwoo was someone you knew, from one of your girlfriends. He’s three years ahead of you, making him a year older than Jeno. And to be frank, Jungwoo didn’t peak your interest at first. But when you knew that he’s in Jeno’s friend circle, you figured that maybe, you do like Jungwoo.

“Hey,” Someone from behind you whispers on your ear, making you whip your head. You saw Jungwoo, head hangs low just to whisper. He displays a playful smile as he hugs you.

But before you could even tighten his embrace, Chenle took a protective stance, putting his arms in between. “Woah dude, chill out.”

Jungwoo chuckled, putting his hands up. “Zhong, calm down,”

You immediately give Chenle a look of confirmation, “I’m good, Le.”

“Just making sure.” He says and steps back. He patted Jungwoo’s shoulder in a sense that he’s good. Chenle has always been protective, in literal terms. Jisung however, is protective in a motherly kind of way. In short, Chenle’s fights, Jisung nags.

“Why don’t you talk to Jaehyun? Heard he’s interested in taking you in the team.” Jungwoo says making Chenle widen his eyes, a breathless ‘really?’ coming out of his lips and Jungwoo nods. You pushed Chenle to go find the Jaehyun guy and before you know it, you’re alone with Jungwoo.

“He’s really into basketball, huh?” Jungwoo, sounding amused.

You on the other hand, start roaming your eyes around the room. You’re here for someone, and you need to know if they’re in this party, or else this would be a huge waste of time if he’s not here.

“Yeah, he basically worships Stephen Curry.” You looks at him, to at least try to entertain the boy.

“Mm-hm.” The way his hands crawl into your waist so naturally was a shock to you, but you don’t say anything at all. He starts walking and with his hands attached on your body, you can’t help but walk with him.

“So.. where’s the team?” You really did try to prolong the moment you’re with Jungwoo, but you just can’t stay still without confirming if he’s here.

“They’re upstairs. Some of my teammates doesn’t really like hanging out with too many people.”

“How about you?”

“I was waiting for you, pretty.” Jungwoo flashes a smile, someone could argue his most defining feature but then again, you have your sights on someone else.

True to his words, Jungwoo brought you upstairs, where it’s more intimate with a few people. There’s a lounge area in front of a bar and that's where you spot the certain someone you’ve been looking for.

And as expected, he has a girl with him.

“Hey, guys, uh– this is y/n.” Jungwoo awkwardly introduces you to everyone, including Jeno who at first was shocked at your presence, but soon enough replaced with a certain tension in his eyes.

You did a small wave, still shy at the amount of eyes on you. These people are legends on campus. They’re basically the school’s pride and seeing them acknowledging you was amusing. And Jeno, like the perfect man that he is, just fits right in.

“Hi, I’m Juyeon,” He extends his hands, so you, a person who doesn’t like leaving people hanging, gladly accepts it.

And everyone else follows suit, except Jeno. He was looking at something else, not even the girl he’s with. He’s fixated at his beer can, looking at it very seriously.

“Jeno?” Jungwoo asks, questioning why the boy didn’t acknowledge you.

He looked at Jungwoo, and he was about to answer but you did it for him.

“We know each other. I’m friends with his brother.” You smile at Jungwoo, and he seemed to understand it so he just lead you to the empty spot on the lounge.

They started talking, but your attention was on Jeno. You realized that this is his crowd, quickly you found that he’s very different in front of other people. He’s more talkative, that’s for sure.

But your eyes also catch the soft touches he graces the girl beside him. The whispers he gave, the smiles and subtle kisses on the side of her head. His arms around her and the jokes he tells just for the two of them.

It has been years since he rejected you, yet the pain still stings.

You took your eyes somewhere else, made easy as Jungwoo starts to caress your shoulder. He leaned below, matching your face. “You okay?”

“Yeah,” you smiled at him. You weren’t, but you’re obviously not gonna tell that.

He hands you a shot of what you assume alcohol, with his eyes anticipating your next move. This is the first time you’re drinking without Chenle or Jisung around, and you’re unsure if this was okay.

But with everybody starting to look at Jungwoo’s waiting hand, the shot clearly for you, you start to panic. There’s no way you’re gonna embarrass yourself in front of these seniors.

So you suck it up and took the shot. You’re not sure, but you got a glance from Jeno that tells he’s not happy with your action.

The taste of the alcohol was strong, but somehow your throat didn’t burn. Yes, you definitely felt it heat up your taste buds but not bad enough for you to hate it. It’s like a sensation that hypes up your system.

And so, with your new found information, you were more confident in taking shots now. And exactly that you do.

But with the amount of liquid going in, it has to come out. So you excused yourself to the bathroom to pee. You assured Jungwoo you were okay, because heck yeah, you’re fine.

Not until you actually stood up. Good thing you didn’t stumble, but shit, your world is spinning.

You bee line straight to the bathroom and relieve yourself. It took a couple minutes before you finished washing your hands, and as you walk out of the restroom, you were met by a figure clearly waiting for you to finish up.

“J-Jeno,” you muttered, moreso in surprise.

“Y/n what the hell are you doing here?” He whispers, angrily of course.

“Jungwoo invited me!” You whisper back, leaning on the door behind you to balance yourself.

“Where’s my brother? Chenle?” He looms over you, and all you can think about is his luscious lips, mere inches to yours.

“They.. Chenle came with me, Ji stayed home..” You answer, despite being in a trance. The entire place is spinning, but not Jeno’s face. It’s there, in front of you.

“I need you to find Chenle and go home.” He says in finality, expecting you to follow. You knit your brows, as you take in offense over what he’s doing.

“What? I’m invited here!” You whined.

“Find Chenle. Now.” The growl in his last words made you slightly intimidated, not to mention his eyes burning holes into your own.

God, he’s so handsome.

You don’t know if its the vodka, or just plain recklessness that gave you the idea of just tipping on your toes and try kissing Jeno.

It made perfect sense in your head. Your hands cupping his cheeks obviously caught him off guard, but before your lips touch his, his reflex of pushing you off was unfortunately faster.

He shoved you harsh, causing you to stumble and almost losing your balance.

“What the fuck?!” He yells.

Your heartbeat went quicker. Everything started to process. Jeno looks so mad, he huffs and wiping his palm against the part of his face that your lips had touched.

“I-I’m s-sorr—”

“I have a fucking girlfriend, y/n!” He spits, words felt like daggers through your chest.

“Jeno, I’m sorry. I was out of—” Your eyes start to burn.

“Are you that desperate? I rejected you already, didn’t I? I will never look at you different than being my brother’s best friend, y/n! So stop this fucking delusion while I’m being nice.” Jeno points his fingers at you, making you flinch a little bit.

“Jeno, please.” Your tears are now slowly flowing. You attempted to grab his wrist to make him stay and listen to your apologies but he swiped it off like he’s disgusted to be touched by you.

“No, y/n. You’re like a sister to me. It disgusts me to even think of being with you romantically. So please, know your fucking place.”

With that, he walks out and leaves you broken.

You don’t understand. You did everything by the book. You looked pretty, you knew how he liked girls. You made yourself into his fantasies and he still can’t see past the fact that you’re just his brother’s bestfriend.

You take a deep breath between the sobs, calming yourself down. You felt horrible. You felt so sick and embarrassed. You felt so fucking desperate and pathetic that you just want to numb yourself of the pain.

You grab your chest, having difficulty breathing from crying too hard.

This is way more than a broken heart.

You’re no longer consolable, and there’s just no way you’re going back there with your makeup now ruined.

Are you that hard to want?

Are you that hard to need?

The tears don't stop as you walk out of the party. Gladly, everybody’s wasted so nobody noticed you ugly-crying.

As you turn to an alleyway, you shoot Jungwoo a text saying you got sick, and Chenle saying you got an uber home.

With your 7-inch heels on your hand, in the cold street, you walk in shame.

Bare feet on the sidewalk, shivering, that's when you noticed a bar.

Your feet prompted to enter, so that you did. You were going to drown the pain, and there’s nothing in your mind except alcohol.

You hoped that it would ease the pain.

And it did, the effects of it giving you a temporary memory loss. This was the numbing you needed.

The sensation of alcohol gave you solace, and for a while, your thoughts melted into nothingness.

Staring at the shot glass in front of you, you made a promise to your eighteen year old self.

That if Jeno doesn’t want you, you’ll make it your life’s mission to make everyone else crave you. You don’t need Jeno.

You’ll never be rejected again.

And just as soon as you felt like you can breathe again, your phone buzzed.

[2:34am] jisung: y/n, come home, quickly. it’s your mom.

୧ ‧₊˚ ☆

It was odd to say the least.

This has been what you’ve wanted for so many years. You prayed— and begged the heavens for Jeno to finally take you, to prove that you can get him.

And now, you’ve proven your point.

But why does it feel… strange?

Yes, it was the best sex you’ve had, and it might be the only one that could make you feel that way. It was mindblowing, it was everything and more.

Isn’t this the goal? For him to actually step over that line of being your best friend’s brother?

What else did you want?

Honestly, you don’t know anymore. Hence, you sneak out of the apartment in the middle of the night. Jeno was laying on his stomach, the comforter covering his lower half. His back muscles spread across the sheets and you take the art in. He really is sculptured to perfection.

You managed to put on your clothes and walk out of the apartment building. You find yourself in a nearby convenience store, walking through the isle finding something you didn’t know. Your mind is blank and empty.

These are the times where you wished there was someone to guide you to what you should do next. Because you have no idea. You’re confused, and you need direction.

These are the moments where you wished your mom was here. She would know what to do.

For a while, when you were with Jeno, you felt warmth you’ve always been trying to find from somebody else. With Jeno, you actually felt like sex wasn’t only about pleasure, but it’s also about being able to express unspoken feelings.

Sex wasn’t something you just needed to get over with. It felt amazing, It was perfect.

But it clicked too, that you know yourself was the only one who really appreciated it. Jeno— was in for the satisfaction. He never needed you like you needed him. You talked him into sleeping with you. You were begging for his touch.

You pushed him to a point where he just snapped and gave you what you’ve been desperately chasing him for.

And for what? Probably for you to stop. He was throwing scraps at you because he’s tired of that one girl who keeps chasing his tail. He just gave in, expecting you to finally give up.

Then it hit you. Your fourteen year old self, your eighteen year old self and your twenty-two year old self still has something in common.

You realize, that all the hard work, the wall you desperately tried to build was a fraud. Because at the end of the day, you never lost feelings for Jeno.

No matter how many people you’ve been with, it’s still gonna be Jeno for you.

That makes you laugh. In both ridiculousness and despair. Hopelessness felt eerily familiar.

Silly you, for thinking you’ve moved on.

Jeno is inevitable. And you’ll learn to accept it too.

As you reach up the isle and grab a bottle of Soju, a hand stops you.

“My love, are you okay?” A soft voice that you haven't heard in a while.

“Kun,”

୧ ‧₊˚ ☆

Jeno knows he’s royally fucked.

He gave into your trap, and you’ve successfully defeated him. All his morals, his beliefs, and the logic he stands on was out the window.

He knows you planned it out too. This was your way of taking revenge on him, when he repeatedly rejected you years ago.

He tried to keep his distance, because he promised.

And he takes his promises seriously, especially when it involves you. And he felt like he broke the one thing that’s keeping the promise he made a couple years ago.

You weren’t supposed to end up in his bed. You weren’t supposed to still want him after everything he’s done. You weren’t supposed to even be involved with him. He’s supposed to stay wherever he is, on the sidelines, silently protecting you.

But it’s all been done. You and Jeno did it, and it cannot be reversed. And now that its happened, there’s not much he can do. He has to hash things out, he has to fix everything.

Because no matter how many women he had before, no matter how many times he tricks himself, he had always felt like it wasn’t what he’s been searching for.

And when he finally had a taste of you, he’s afraid he’s gonna want more. And he’s afraid that he’ll never feel the way it felt with you. He’s horrified that what happened opened his eyes with what’s the truth.

And when he felt the other side of the bed cold, he opens his eyes and you’re gone.

Yeah, this is just a game for you.

But for him? Oh, he’s eternally fucked. The shame, the guilt, and everything in between creeps up. And not of you, he’ll never—ever be ashamed of you. He’s guilty about the fact that he let himself get carried away.

Out of frustration, he hits his steering wheel as he drove. He can’t believe he just did that.

He was drunk, you were clearly not in the right state of mind. Even if you were, he was still drunk. What happened was fucked up, both for him and for you.

He takes a deep breath before pulling out his phone.

He carefully types, calculating everything he needs to say.

[7:35am] to: y/n

hey. dont say anything to my brother. it was a mistake, i was drunk. i don’t really like you like that.

He sent it quick, afraid he’d delete it if he hesitated longer. And just as he did, he felt his whole chest stiffen.

Because once again, he lied. Both to you, and to himself.

୧ ‧₊˚ ☆

You woke up through the sounds of your phone ringing. It was the next week after the whole thing happened with Jeno, and you’ve not craved anything but sleep.

Kun never asked questions. Which you’re thankful for, but you can’t help but feel bad.

You ghosted the guy, again, but he welcomed you into his apartment with open arms like nothing happened. His smile was there, the warmth of his embrace still the same.

Before you could even say anything about your guilt, he’s quick to tell you that it’s okay. He’s with you because he wants to. Although you can’t give him what he wants the most.

In a perfect world, if you weren’t so fucked up, you’d be with Kun, no questions asked.

You were lucky it was the weekend, and you’ve got no class. So you just laid on Kun’s couch, binging away, rotting in the cushions. Kun doesn’t mind, he says its better than you going out and drinking.

Which is true, plus you just can’t physically get yourself back up and doing what you do before, after what happened with Jeno.

Jeno, Jeno, Jeno. Fucking Lee Jeno.

It’s like a curse, following you all throughout your existence. He’s like a ghost stuck in your hip, a burden you’d beg to get off of you. There’s just no way you’d have to carry these feelings towards him until your seventy, right? Jesus.

Your head whips at the door when you hear it open, not expecting Kun to come home so early.

He’s not here ‘til 7, right?

“Oh, you’re still here.”

Well, you’re right. It’s not Kun. It’s his lovely roommate Ten. Note the sarcasm on the lovely part.

“Yeah.” You backed down to the couch.

If there’s anyone annoyed at your presence, it’s definitely Ten. You think he harbored the anger and disappointment Kun should’ve had with you— like some sort of anger translator.

“Your roommate must be overjoyed having your place for her own.” He says, with feign casualness in his tone.

“She’s doing fine,”

“I mean, at this point, you’re gonna have to pay your share with the rent.” He scoffs as he puts down his bag harshly on the counter.

You let out a deep breath, reminding yourself that this is also his place. You’re not in a position to return his attitude because you, in your own thoughts, are aware that you’ve overstayed your welcome.

“Kun says its okay–”

“That’s–” Ten’s voice in a high pitch, but quickly calming himself down. “--that’s because Kun can’t say shit to you. I don’t know if you noticed but my friend is literally insane for you. And of course, you like the attention.”

You can’t help but look at him, your mouth slacking due to disbelief of what he just said. You bit your lip and paused, not wanting to say things without thinking about it first. Again, you're not in a position where you’re purely innocent in this situation.

“What do you want me to do? Tell me. I’ll leave right now.” You managed to calm your tone, avoiding any more discussion.

“What I want you to do is to be straight with Kun, y/n. I know you’re used to being a player, but Kun isn’t. He agreed to your situationship because you weren’t ready. You ghosted him for a few weeks and still he took you in even tho I fucking knew it was a dumb decision because he’s just hoping to be with you again. If you’re not planning to be with my friend, then just fucking make your decision. I know you’re not that cruel to string him along. He’s a good person, y/n.”

His sudden outburst caught you off guard, but every word he said was like a slap to you. Every sentence was nothing but facts, and you knew deep inside that you were in the wrong. That Ten was right. Kun is way too good for you. He does not deserve this.

You felt your eyes starting to warm, for a hundredth time. You nod in agreement. However, you can tell he wasn’t finished.

“He’s not your back burner, y/n. And I’m not saying this to you because I have a problem with you, but I’m saying this because he’s my friend. At first it was fine, but when you treat him lesser than what he deserves, I just feel like you’re being.. really selfish. It’s clear that you have your eyes on someone else. But please, Kun doesn’t do this type of shit. He’s way too naive. Poor guy thought he did something wrong.” The last sentence hits you the most, thinking about Kun probably did think that he’s the one to blame.

You sniff, nodding along Ten’s statement. “I will… I’ll talk to him.” You quietly say. Ten just looks at you before sighing, walking towards his door. As soon as his door closes, the front door opened.

“Sweet cheeks, what’re you doing?” Kun asks, seeing you standing on the doorway staring at nothingness.

You immediately wiped your tears and looked at him with a smile. “Really sad netflix movie,” you excused. Kun doubts, but chooses to stay silent. He walks two steps in front of you before giving you a warm hug like he does everytime he sees you at his apartment.

You gulp, gathering courage to actually start the conversation.

“Uh, Can we talk?” you nip at the bottom of your shirt.

“Of course, princess,” The old nickname he had somewhat felt like an assurance that he’s still the same. It lifted a bit of weight in your chest.

You sat in one of the chairs, not knowing what to do. This place was once your safe haven, now it just feels strange knowing what kind of situation you are in.

“So, uhm, I want to apologize for.. essentially cutting you off. It’s just that, uh, I’ve been–”

“You’ve been with Lee Jeno, right?” he asks, a ghost of a smile still present in his face.

“Well, yeah, but also, I didn’t know that I had that much of a relevance in your life so...” you say, honestly.

“Darling, you were everything.” he pauses. “--but I know that I’m not what you need, or what you wanted. And that’s fine. You don’t need to feel bad, it’s just how it goes.”

“But I’m here, and I promise you, that you don’t need to feel responsible about how I feel. I’ll be fine.” He smiles, like he used to, but this time you know it’s fake.

“Kun, you’re too good for me. You deserve more than me.” Your eyes start to water, but Kun never lets it drop. He caresses your cheeks for what it feels like the last time, before nodding at you.

“I know, baby.” He leaned closer, lips slowly grazing yours. As you felt it, the instinct of kissing back was swift, but Kun did not give you the chance of doing so as he pulled away.

“Don’t kiss me back, please,” he mumbled, before caressing your face for what it felt like the last time before turning away.

And just like that, you lost the man who was ready to give you everything for a man who can’t even spare you a glance.

୧ ‧₊˚ ☆

Jeno is still out of his mind.

He had flunked out of practice, only attending a couple times out of the two weeks that he needed to attend. Barely even there, just standing and basically lifeless in the court.

His coach and his teammates already feel less secure because of Jeno’s state of mind, especially when he’s supposed to be the team’s captain. He feels like shit, truly, and he knows he should be focusing on the game. But how can he, when all he can think of is you?

His coach gave him a hard talking but even that can’t seem to shake him up. His willingness to play disappeared like it was nothing.

He’s pretty sure the entire team hates him now, and if only there’s time to replace him, they’d definitely do it, but finding a replacement, with his skills, is basically impossible. Moreso in limited time.

As soon as he enters his apartment, he throws his bag on the floor and tunnels through his room to lock himself in there. But as soon as he entered it, he was shocked to find his brother laying in his bed.

“What’re you doing here?” He asks, confused.

“Just want to know something,” Jisung says, slowly sitting up. He looks up his brother, standing in the door frame. Jeno couldn’t read his expression, but its pretty clear that he’s not happy.

“Did you sleep with y/n?”

Jeno didn’t know how to react, his eyes widened and for a while, he had nothing to say. But in the end, he knew this was bound to happen. If not you, it would be him spilling the information to his brother.

He didn’t need to say anything, and he knew the silence is more than enough for Jisung to conclude.

“She really likes you, you know? I just–” Jisung paused, “--I just don’t know why you’d sleep with her when you don’t like her back. You know she likes you, hyung. What, is this like an ego thing? She’s y/n, hyung. You know she’s different.” Jisung honestly just sounded confused and tired. He’s not angry, not upset, he comes off like he just wanted proper answers from his brother.

“Dude, just get out.” Jeno dismissed, which pissed off his younger brother more.

“Oh fuck you. You can’t even hold a conversation with your own brother? And if only it’s not y/n, I wouldn’t even waste my time. But it’s her. You know her,”

Jeno took a deep breath. “I like her too, Jisung. No, fuck, scratch that. I fucking love her.”

For a minute, it was silence. Jisung then took the initiative to talk,

“Talk to mom, hyung.”

୧ ‧₊˚ ☆

Jeno was sixteen, when he realized that he likes the way you smile at him.

He saw you run down the stairs and straight to the kitchen. You were at his brother’s room, for a sleepover with his brother and Chenle. He was lounging on the couch, and he didn’t bother to turn on the lights. He likes to lay in here at night, cuddling with his cat, Bongsik. He can’t let the cat into his room because of his allergies, so he just settled on the couch.

Because Bongsik was alerted of your presence, the cat follows you to the kitchen. Jeno, of course, followed in pursuit. He can still remember the cute expression you had when you discovered Bongsik on the table.

He smiles at you, struggling to get chips from the cabinet. Naturally, he grabbed it for you. You had asked if Bongsik was new, and he answered yes.

“Yep, a rescue. Mom brought it home the other day. Jisung freaked,” He chuckles as he looks at the cat, snuggling in his chest.

He can see you almost begging with your eyes, wanting to pet the cat. So he let you. Surprisingly, Bongsik, who’s usually grumpy, purrs as soon as your hands come in contact with it.

You were so careful, and Jeno almost wants to chuckle at your meek attempt at staring at him.

A slight smile on your face was something Jeno noticed, from a close distance. He surely did not expect you to be this soft and angelic, but he thought to himself, that your smile is something he’d like to get used to.

Jeno was eighteen when he made his first mistake.

He had invited his friends over at his house. He had made some really cool friends, and he even got this girl he’s been trying to get with to tag along. Jeno feels nervous, of course, he wants to impress them.

Besides Jaemin, Haechan and Renjun, he also invites some people from the basketball team he’s trying to get into, and some girls that are part of the circle. And of course, the girl he had liked, Eunmi.

His friends encouraged him to make a move tonight, and for some dumb reason, he thought it would be romantic to bring out wine. So he went to the kitchen to do so, but got surprised when a soft voice called his name.

It was you. Your shy demeanor, and your avoiding gaze startles him but he can’t help but smile. You’re so cute.

He clears that with whatever you were gonna tell him, make it quick because someone’s waiting for him. But as soon as you open your mouth to say the next words,

“I like you. Very much.”

He feels like his feet are frozen. His heart starts to race and if only he wasn’t leaning on the counter behind him, he would definitely stumble. His grip on the wine glass tightens. He doesn’t know what to do.

The next words just came out, and he instantly regrets it.

“...I-I’m just being nice.. I have to be nice. You’re my brother’s best friend.” In a split second before Eumi interrupts the conversation, he can clearly see the pain in your eyes. The initial shock of the fact that he’s rejecting you was prominent in your face and he just wanted to take every word back at that point.

But before he could even utter another word, Eunmi decided to take over. You then quickly walked out, but before you can turn around, he sees a teardrop, and by then, he’s sure he’s made a mistake. He can’t believe he just broke your innocent heart.

Eunmi is no longer in his mind, his friends no longer his priority, the entirety of the night, you plagued his mind. He wanted to run after you, and apologize. But what exactly is it for? It’s not like he was rude. He was calm, but still, you were visibly upset.

Jeno blames himself, until the night ends, he shoots his brother a message to ask you if you were okay. He needs to know.

Jeno was twenty when he breaks his own heart for the first time.

He can’t believe his eyes. He doesn’t know which emotion he should feel, the anger that slowly builds up upon seeing you entering the party with Jungwoo, or the adoration to seeing you looking that good in your mini dress.

You had walked in with the confidence he failed to notice before, with Jungwoo’s arm around your waist. He clenches his fist, but soon he gets caught in his own mind when his girlfriend of two weeks leans over to him.

The train of thought he had was still there, however, he was forced to pretend like everything’s fine. Although he can’t look at you in the eye, when he can certainly feel your gaze time to time.

What he can’t absolutely avoid tho, is his eyes on Jungwoo’s touches. Since when did you let a random man touch you like that?

More so, a man like Jungwoo? Much older than you, and he doesn’t remember Jungwoo and you ever be in the same vicinity as each other. Why are you so comfortable with him already?

Green doesn’t suit Jeno. So he tries to focus on the girl beside him. But mentally, he counts the shots that was given to you. Too many, and if the situation is different, he’d take those shots and shove it up Jungwoo’s ass.

But as soon as you stood up, his quick reaction was to follow you.

All he can think about is you getting out of here.

“Find Chenle. Now.” He groaned, despite his anger, he doesn’t like yelling at you.

What you did next was unexpectable.

You had tried to kiss him.

His reflex was to push you, and that, he did. His demeanor changes, and everything that falls from his lips after that was a blur to him.

One thing’s clear, the look in your eyes. You were so defeated, but Jeno didn’t let it affect him. He was blinded by anger, and the fact that you’re so drunk that you’d kiss just anyone. Not to mention a man that has a girl! What has gotten into you?

“Are you that desperate? I rejected you already, didn’t I? I will never look at you different than being my brother’s best friend, y/n! So stop this fucking delusion while I’m being nice.” Lies after lies after lies.

He was completely out of his mind when he said that to you.

And when you cried in front of him, he felt his own heart break. Every tear is equivalent to a stab right through his chest.

Right there and then, he wanted to beg for your forgiveness. Say that everything wasn’t true, that he doesn’t think you were desperate. Hell, he would kiss you back if you’d let him.

But all those hope was thrown away when you left. Because what’s left was this strange, terrifying feeling that somehow, this was the last straw for you.

And Jeno despises himself for causing you pain, over and over. He curses at his own self for being so coward.

“Hey Jen, how are you?” His mom’s voice was enthusiastic as ever. Even over the phone, he can hear the smile in her face.

He thinks he should be honest. “Not good,”

“Aw, is it your practice? Don’t worry darling, just a few more months and you’ll be graduating!” He smiles at his mother’s sweet voice of anticipation, he can just imagine the tiny claps she does.

“No, mom. I—“ He closes his eyes in frustration. “I have to talk to you about something,”

“What is it? Is it your brother? About y/n?” Her tone changes, now sounding concerned.

Jeno curses mentally, because of how quick his mom mentioned you.

“It’s about y/n,” he says lowly, testing the waters for a bit.

He hears a deep sigh, “I called her a week ago and she’s been real distant from me, Jen. Anything I should know?”

“Mom,” He almost whines. He just wants to spill it out.

“What? You’re worrying me. Is our y/n okay? God, she’s been out of control, hasn’t she?” The concern is now intensified, and Jeno thinks he should just spit it out. But his tongue can’t seem to say it.

“She.. she’s fine.”

“Good gracious, okay. I thought something had happened. Her mother must be frowning at me from heaven right now. Still remember your promise to your Auntie, right?”

Bingo. The very reason as to why he can’t just say it. Why he can’t just be with you already. It’s because of this god forsaken promise that he made.

“You need to be a big brother to her, treat her as your sister. She has nothing but us now, Jeno.”

He almost cries, he just wanted to yell. He felt as though he failed his mother, your mother and you. He shouldn’t be feeling this emotion towards you. This harbored feelings are forbidden. He can’t. He just… can’t.

He lets his eyes get warmer, gripping in his phone harshly. He takes a huge, deep breath.

“Mom, I love her. So much. I- I can’t… I can’t keep on hurting her and pretending that I only look at her as a sister.” He pleads, finally letting it known. There’s no turning back.

Silence was deafening on the other line. Every millisecond, he can feel his heartbeat race.

“Jeno, we’ve talked about this.”

“I love her, mom. I do, I really do.” He cries, for the first time in a long time.

“She’s your sis—“

“She’s not! God, she’s your best friend’s daughter, I know that but I’m not her older brother. I’m a person that truly loves her. I have loved her for so many years but I keep on h—“

“Jeno, hush, darling. I understand… but she’s our family. If all these feelings get old and you decide you don’t love her anymore, who will she turn to? Not us, darling because at the end of the day, we’re your family. I’m just… worried about her, she has… no one to turn to if this all blows up.” His mother’s response, despite the rise of emotion, was still calm and soft.

“I won’t, mom. Please, just let me love her. I can’t keep hurting her, mom, It kills me.” Jeno never begged this much. Just for you. His only exception.

His mother pauses, way too long, before finally breathing out again. “Okay, darling. I trust you. But please. I beg you, not to hurt her. We’re all that she’s got.”

Jeno whips his head up, baffled as to how easy she agreed to him. A little to no persuasion, and it didn’t even take ten minutes.

“What? J-just like that?” Jeno questions in disbelief. Years of yearning, years of hurting you, when Jeno could just do this early on?

His mom, regardless of the moment, managed to let out a breathy chuckle.

“Darling, you’ve proven yourself over the years. Me and your Dad had an inkling that you have a special admiration for Y/n ever since before. Its just unfortunate that her mother had to pass, and had asked us a favor— more to you, to look after Y/N like your own sibling. And when you agreed, I felt like it’s just how it goes. But years of seeing you pretend to not care about her, and seeing you struggle to cope with your feelings, I knew then that you were serious.”

“Me and your Dad realized that our eldest, really, has grown up to be a man. And seeing you still have the same passion and the same feelings towards her until now, says that you’d stop at nothing at this point. So what’s the use of preventing you?”

And with that, Jeno was free. Free of constraint, of guilt and control over his own will and feelings.

Like a baby, Jeno falls asleep with tears in his eyes. In complete satisfaction on how things went. Now, his only problem is getting to you, and begging for your forgiveness. Wishing by then, you’d still want him.

୧ ‧₊˚ ☆

Jeno didn’t waste his time. As soon as the morning comes, he’s fast on his feet. He wants to talk to you, he wants to clear everything up. He had tried to text and call, but he quickly realized you blocked his number.

He called his brother next, but Jisung also has not heard from you since yesterday.

It wasn’t until 5pm that he couldn’t find you, he started to worry. None of your friends know where you are, and you’re not in your apartment either.

He contacted every possible soul that could even have a hint on where you’re at, but none of them knows.

He feels like he’s running out of time, running out of momentum.

And just as soon as he was about to call for help, he received a message.

[5:32pm] unknown number

she’s at dreamscape hill. she likes going there to ease her mind. take care of her, please. -k

He didn’t care to ask who it was, he just prayed that whoever sent him this message was right.

And off to dreamscape hill, Jeno goes.

He can barely catch his breath when he arrived, heart pounding at his chest. It was past sundown when he found you sitting at the bench, on top of the hill.

It’s you. He’s sure it’s you. To the curves of your shoulder, to the waves of your hair. Call it creepy, but he spent years looking at your back, from afar, forbidden to even glance at you when you’re close. So yes, he’s a hundred percent sure that it’s you.

He’s a few feet behind you, when he noticed the earphones you had on. Probably why you didn’t hear the ruffling of the twigs and leaves as he walked closer.

And in divine timing, you look back at your shoulder, looking straight at Jeno’s eyes, as if it made sense why he’s here.

Slowly, you pull the earphones out.

“What’re you doing here?” You ask, almost a whisper. But the city in front of you gave him enough silence to hear every breath you take.

“Finding you,” he answers. He struggles to keep his words straight, the thumping in his chest causing him to stutter.

You blink thrice, seems like you’re still processing Jeno’s answer.

“Why?”

Jeno took a couple step, and finally he sat beside you. he looked forward at the cityscape. He took note of your body language, it seems to him that you’re starting to get nervous.

“To tell you I’m sorry. I’m sorry it took this long for me to find you. I’m sorry I hurt you, I’m sorry for making you cry. I’m sorry that I wasted years, and I’m so sorry I lied.” Jeno says every word with great diction, in perfect pace and clear voice. He wants you to understand every word that he says.

He hears you let out a huff, as if in disbelief. His heart went even more faster, scared on what you might say.

He’s never anticipated an answer like this before. He never had to grip at his own knees in nervousness before. He can’t even look at your expression.

“I think we’re past that, Jeno.”

This is what he’s afraid of. He might be too late, he might fuck this up. Nevertheless, he’ll never regret trying.

“I know that I’m years too late but you need to understand—“

“I don’t need to understand nothing. What I need is to just live my life, love my life. I have spent years yearning for you, let me love myself too. I think I’ve loved you since I met you, Jeno. I just mistook it for curiosity. Everyone else isn’t you, and turns out that’s a huge problem for me.” Jeno can hear you smile, and when he finally let himself take a look, he softens.

You’re smiling like you used to smile. You’re smiling like you again.

“That’s because we thought we could alter fate, and tell me I’m batshit crazy for believing but I can prove to you that we’re just… soulmates, y/n. Y-you’re meant for me as much as I am for you.” These are some words Jeno never thought he would use. The things you make him do.

You chuckle again, while shaking your head. Do you find it ridiculous? Do you think Jeno is joking? Are you finding all of these insufferable? God, Jeno wished he could read you.

“We are not soulmates, Jeno. This is not some divine intervention, and shit, this is not fate. I wanted this. I knit the threads of my destiny until it spelled your name. I love you intentionally, Jeno. It’s not the stars and the heavens that brought us together. I did.”

Jeno was speechless. He could not utter a single word, he felt like he had no right to dictate you about what you feel. He’s ashamed, because what you said was right. You made him feel this, because of your desire for him, you made him fall. And damn it, he fell hard.

“It’s like you filled my lungs with flowers, although they are pretty, it made it hard for me to breathe. That's how much I wanted you.”

“Y/n, I will apologize to you forever if you wanted me to. Just… just please, let me have my chance.” Jeno begged like he never did before. He let his emotions out, and all for you. Because you deserve it. You deserve the real him.

Slowly, he felt your hand on his clenched fist, instantly letting it loose. He took the opportunity to lace your fingers together. It felt right, like your hand always belonged intertwined with his.

“If I took this chance with you, that would be the knife that would slit my own fucking throat, Jeno. And you know what’s funny? I’d probably apologize for bleeding in your shirt.”

“So let me have this time for myself, Jeno. And just like the old saying, time will tell. And if we find each other without even looking, then that’s when I’ll believe in that fate you were talking about.”

As your grip in his hand loosens, he felt like this was the first and last time he’ll get to hold your hand. He wanted to be selfish and not let you go, but he knows he’d be cruel to do that.

So he didn’t move. “I’ll see you around,” you say.

“I’ll find you,” he whispered, to you, to himself, and to whoever who’s listening. Let it be the heavens, or the devil in hell. He whispered to anybody, because he knows he’ll do it, and he wants everyone to stand witness to this promise.

“Sure you will,”

And in every step you made, as your body slowly walks away, you took his heart with you. Its yours, anyway. He’ll just have to find you to have it back.

୧ ‧₊˚ ☆

“Lee Jeno! Lee Jeno! Lee Jeno!”

The screams from the bleachers never seemed to falter, only getting louder each time.

The band is on full blast, people running around down the court as soon as the last whistle of the game went off.

Jeno had won the much awaited game against the SKU, with a whopping 73 points under his belt, making it the first time in his school’s history to earn that many points, by a single player, in one game.

This just solidified his reputation, being named the greatest player that had ever stepped foot on this campus.

And to make this game, even more legendary than it already is, it’s the last game of the season before Jeno graduates. So he’s literally going out with a bang with this one.

His teammates celebrated the win, begging Jeno to go the the victory party. For the first time, Jeno refused to attend a victory party. Much more, a victory he made happen.

He walked past the girls that’s lining up to take a picture with him, immediately walking straight back to the lockers.

He shoots a text at Renjun, informing his friend that he’ll head home, instead of attending the party.

He was about to turn to his locker, when his name was called by a familiar voice.

Jeno looked back, and to his disappointment, it’s Jennie.

“Why haven’t you answered my calls? It’s been months, Jeno! You can’t just..” Jennie couldn’t even finish her sentence, stomping her feet like a toddler.

Yes. It has been months since he blocked every girl that he had ever slept with.

Three months, thirteen days, and twenty-one hours, to be exact.

“My team’s gonna be here soon. You don’t want me to embarrass you in front of them, trust me.” Jeno’s threat was casual, but he’s serious enough for Jennie to take the hint.

“B-but, Jen, it's me.” Jennie’s voice turns softer, making Jeno cringe at the tone. She then tried to touch his shoulder, but Jeno was quick to dodge.

“Exactly. You’re you, Jennie. And I don’t like you.”

The girl was aghast, to say the least. Her mouth wide open in disbelief. Taking Jeno’s advice, albeit with offense, she stomps her way out of the lockers.

Just as he said, his teammates started flocking in, with his coach holding the trophy. He lost count on how many pats in the back he received after the game. The repetitive congratulatory messages are starting to grow old.

“Are you really not coming? You’re literally the man of the year, dude. Everybody’s gonna be looking for you!” Sungchan, one of his teammates says.

“Nope,” Jeno says with a pop.

“Come on, this’ll probably the last victory party you’ll ever have!” Yangyang joins in, but Jeno just shrugged his shoulders.

“Sorry, dude. I got a thesis paper due in two days.”

A plethora of complains, grunts and ‘what?!’s came pouring in after his statement, but Jeno stood his ground.

Jeno was serious. He needs to study for his thesis paper, and pass it on time. His professor expects him to match his academics to his basketball career, and he doesn’t want to disappoint.

Before the commotion gets even more wild, and before Jeno gets kidnapped into attending the party, he swiftly bids farewell to his coach, the only person that mattered to him. His coach just shook his head and gave him a nod, before letting him go.

“You did well, kid.”

Jeno heads through the parking lot. He had been stopped by students every ten seconds therefore his usual 4 minute walk to his car ended up being 30 minutes.

He starts up the engine, but before taking off, he checks some of his messages.

[8:43pm] dong(yuck!): congratulations, lebron ‘lee jeno’ james! the game was so cool dude u look good throwing balls lol btw im staying at my girls hauz. also ur welcome. also enjoy. lolz

[8:54pm] jaemjaem: dude that game!!! ur on FIRE my guy!! pls pls apply for nba so i can watch courtside with kanye west :D im out rn and i wont be home til tmrw. ur welcome ;)

[8:59] jisung: great game couldve been better tho… anyways… wrap it b4 u tap it!!!

[9:02pm] injunnie <3: game was lit. didnt understand shit abt the game but u did good. im spending the night @ my moms so u better make it worth it, lee jeno.

Jeno’s breath hitches, and before he could even question the hints his roommates are giving him, another ping notifies his phone.

[9:04pm] unknown number: hi. im at urs. can we talk?

Jeno knows not to speed, but tonight, he swears his tires didn’t even touch the concrete. He is flying off the highway.

With sweaty palms, he enters the security code to his door. Hands shaking, he opens it up and with the sight of a woman’s shoes on his doorstep, he takes a deep breath.

“I hope you don’t mind, it was Jaemin’s idea to let me in without telling you. Uh, so if you’re not—“

“Y/n,” he gulps as he takes in your figure, standing in the middle of his kitchen.

“Yeah.. it’s me.” You smile tightly, shrugging your shoulders.

Even though Jeno was ready to leap and drown you in his embrace, he stood his ground. He’s still not sure why you’re here, and until you say so, he’s not moving. The last thing he wants to do is push your boundaries.

“What’re— what are you—” He feels stupid. Stuttering like a five year old in front of you.

“Figured we could talk. Jisung and Chenle got sick of me moping around so they made me—“

“I hope you’re not being forced to talk to me. I told you, I’ll wait. No matter how long,” The sincerity laced in his voice was prominent.

“I promise you, I went here in my own will. Two idiots just talked some sense into me, and Jisung told me about the promise you made my mom years ago.”

Then there was silence. But this time, it wasn’t deafening. It was peaceful. Its as if you two are finding serenity in each others presence and just the way you stare at each other already says the words your mouth couldn’t speak.

But Jeno cut it short. “Does this mean..”

“I want to try, Jeno. I want to experience this with you. Slowly, at our own pace. I want to go on dates. Carnivals. Watch netflix. Everything, with you.” There's a tinge of shyness in your voice, and Jeno just wants you to scream it out. You don’t need to shy away from him.

“Everything, with me. At your own pace. I’ll accept everything you can offer,” He assured your worried mind.

You nod gently. “I want to feel loved without feeling like I’m begging for it,”

Jeno shakes his head vigorously, “No, baby, you’ll never beg to be loved, ever again. I swear in my grave.” He takes one step closer.

“I’ll trust you and risk getting my heart broken again, but I really hope you won’t.”

One more step closer “I will never. Baby, you’re it for me. I didn’t know it before, but I should’ve known it was you, because no one else made sense.”

You nod again, biting your lip. “When I visited my mom, I told her about you,”

“Yeah?” Jeno asks, in a sweet tone, taking another step closer.

You smiled at him. “I bet she would trust you too,”

“I will not break her trust. Not again,”

He watches carefully as you raise your hand to cup his cheeks, his reaction was to lean into your touch. He takes your initiative as a signal, but still takes his movement slowly.

You gulp, looking up at him. “Can you love me now?”

“Oh, baby. I have loved you since forever. It just took me time to realize it.”

And then, as you tiptoe to match his height, he feels your lips on him and he swears that you taste like heaven.

Jeno didn’t remember how long you talked that night, but somewhere in the midst of your laughter and smiles, he decided that he would destroy the world for you.

Because you might not know it, but in every universe, in every lifetime, and in every story, Jeno has always been completely, madly, and inevitably yours.

A/N: From the bottom of my heart, I apologize for making you guys wait this long. I promise, it just happened to be my worst year ever :'(( but at least she's here! I just wish this could at least be worth it. Tune in for the next part (I promise, it would NOT take this long lmao)

taglist: @cutiepeas @legbouk @hyuckissed @bockhyun @hibernatinghamster @shookyungsoo @sundamariis @sharkipoonis @ohmykwonsoonyoung @carelessshootanonymous @glamourizz

[simjaexy]

𝙒𝙖𝙣𝙩𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙔𝙤𝙪 | 𝙋.𝙅.

Pairing ⇀ Popular Boy! Park Jongseong x Fem! Reader

Synopsis ⇀ Jay is the stylish and confident basketball player, always turning heads with his impressive skills and cool demeanor. He's the guy everyone wants to hang out with, known for throwing the best parties and having a great sense of humor. Despite his laid-back vibe, Jay would be dedicated to his sport and academics, coincidentally you are too.

Genre ⇀ Smut, Angst

Warnings ⇀ MINORS DNI!!, Drinking, Blowjob, Cum Eating, Soft Dom! Jay x Sub! Reader, Crying, Unprotected Sex, Semi Public Sex, Making Out

A/n ⇀ This is part 3 of Wanting You Series.

Read Heeseung here.

Jay was the epitome of cool. With his effortless charm and killer basketball skills, he was the heartthrob of the school.

Everyone wanted to be around him, not just because of his talent but also because of his laid-back personality and infectious humor.

He was the guy who threw the best parties, the one who could make anyone laugh, and the one who always seemed to have it all together.

But there was one thing Jay hadn’t conquered yet – you. His two other friends tried their luck, but it was Jay’s turn now. He wasn’t nervous, though. He knew exactly how to play it cool.

On a specific day Jay was practicing basketball as usual. He was thinking about ways he could swoon you.

Maybe inviting you to one of his parties would be nice, but he knows that Sunghoon and Jake would be there and most likely try to talk to you.

So instead, Jay sauntered over to the vending machine, a basketball casually tucked under his arm.

He noticed a girl trying to look for money, struggling. He walked over and his eyes widened.

It was you. You were pouting and staring at the vending machine in defeat.

“Hey,” he said, flashing a sweet smile, “You need help?”

You looked over at him. You gave him a soft smile, “If that’s fine with you. I don’t wanna interrupt-“

“No worries, I have extra money anyways.” He but you off. He slid the money in easily and your drink came down.

He grabbed it and hand it to you, your fingers slightly brushing together. You blushed and thanked him.

Before you could walk away he grabbed your wrist, “You know, I’ve been meaning to talk to you,” he began. “I’ve seen you around, and I think we have a lot in common. We’re both dedicated to what we love, whether it’s sports or academics.”

You raised an eyebrow, slightly amused and confused, “Oh really? And what makes you think that?”

Jay chuckled, “I’ve noticed you. You’re always so focused, whether it’s in class or when you’re working on something. It’s impressive.”

You couldn’t help but smile. “Thanks, Jay. That means a lot.”

He grinned. Now’s his chance, “How about we hang out sometime? Maybe I can show you some basketball tricks, and you can teach me a thing or two about your favorite subjects.”

You thought about it for a moment, Jays a nice guy, always counting people in and being nice to teachers, you decided to agree. “I’d like that.”

Jay’s eyes twinkled, “Great. It’s a date then.”

You eyes almost popped out, “Wait I didn’t know you meant it as a date-“

“I’ll see you later.” He winked and walked away. You stood there shocked.

How would Jake feel about this? You stared down at the ground, you already did something bad enough with Sunghoon.

But Jake’s been becoming more distant than you’d like. More like now he just sends you short messages. Yeah you still like him, but it feels one sided.

Jake on the other hand was outrageously pissed off. It only took a few students to find out that you and Sunghoon made out on a balcony at a small gathering. A fucking balcony.

He told Sunghoon to meet up with him in a secluded room. Sunghoon came not long after and the first thing he feels is a harsh impact on his face.

“Fuck dude! What the hell?” Sunghoon snapped. His brows furrowed.

“You fucking bastard! You fucked her!” Jake bellowed. Sunghoon rubbed his cheek.

“She wanted it. After how you were treating her? I don’t blame her.” Sunghoon grinned.

“I was fucking doing it cause it was your turn! Doesn’t mean you have to guilt trip her into to fucking your weird ass!” He growled. Sunghoon rolled his eyes.

“Well then why did you fuck her? It’s cause you liked her isn’t it? I think it’s too late, she was crying on my dick already-“

Another harsh blow was thrown in Sunghoon face, this time Sunghoon stopped.

He didn’t know why he himself was acting like this, maybe it was because he also took a liking to you, but knowing that Jake took your virginity made him feel jealous.

“Don’t fucking go near her. You’re not different from any other person here.” Jake said. His fist clenched almost as if he wanted to punch Sunghoon again.

He left Sunghoon in the room, slamming it shut leaving Sunghoon with his thoughts.

He hissed in pain, rubbing his jaw. He didn’t even care if he got a bruise, he felt like he deserved it after saying those things about you.

Maybe he was just jealous in general. You never belonged to him anyway in the first place.

Over the next few weeks, Jay made good on his promise. He would meet you after school, and you’d head to the basketball court.

He showed you how to dribble, shoot, and even a few fancy tricks that left you laughing and breathless.

In return, you helped him with his studies, explaining complex concepts with patience and clarity.

One evening, after a particularly intense game, you both sat on the court, panting and laughing.

You’re not gonna lie, Jay made you forget about Sunghoon and Jake, for once you felt like you could be yourself with someone that’s popular.

The sun was setting, casting a golden glow over everything. Jay looked at you, his expression serious for once. “You know, I never thought I’d enjoy studying so much,” he admitted. “You make it fun.”

You smiled, feeling a warmth spread through you. “And I never thought I’d enjoy basketball this much. You’re a great teacher.”

Jay reached out, gently tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. “I’ve really enjoyed these past few weeks,” he said softly. “I feel like I’ve gotten to know the real you, and I like what I see.”

Your heart skipped a beat, “I feel the same way Jay.”

He grabbed the basketball, “It’s getting late. I’ll walk you home?”

You shyly smiled, “If that’s fine with you.”

You both left the gym and walked to your house, you liked how it wasn’t to far from the college.

It was a comforting silence as you and Jay walked side by side. The wind blowing softly.

Once you made it home you turned towards Jay, “Thank you for walking me home. I appreciate it.”

He shrugged, “It’s no problem. Pretty girls like you shouldn’t be walking home alone anyway.”

You blushed and opened your door, bidding him goodbye. As you opened the door Jay thought this was the perfect time.

“Hey, do you wanna go to a party?” He suddenly asked. You stopped walking and turned to him, “A party? I’m not really a fan of those.”

Jay pondered, “Well I’ll be with you, so you don’t need to worry. Just think about it?”

You nodded. You didn’t know why you couldn’t say no, maybe it was because you felt comfortable with him and feel yourself slowly slipping into his tricks that you don’t know of.

The party was thrown at his house from what he told you. You bit your lip, anxiously walking past a group of people making out or dancing. The music was loudly booming in your ear.

Jays house was big, you knew you could get lost if you’re drunk. Before you could continue looking for Jay a harsh grab was met with your arm causing you to yelp.

Your eyes widened when you were face to face with Jake, “What the hell are you doing here?”

You gave him a confused look, “J-Jay invited me. What are you doing here?”

Jake shook his head, he looked mad, “Go home Y/n. I’ll text you later.”

You suddenly felt that pang of anger and hurt in your chest like how you felt when Sunghoon told you about Jake. You ripped your arm away.

“Text me later? Only for you to not text me at all!” You snapped. Jake stared at you shocked, he didn’t expect you to be mad.

“Listen Y/n baby I can explain later but right now go home because-“

“Y/n?” A voice interrupted. You saw Jay pushing pass people and making his way towards you guys. Jake cursed and ran a hand through his hair.

Jay gave him a look that looked like he was saying ‘back off.’ Jay softly grabbed your wrist, “Wanna go get a drink?” He asked.

You looked over at Jake and saw him giving you what seems like a pleading look. You felt hurt that he lied to you, and he would probably do it again.

You averted your gaze back to Jay, “Y-Yeah let’s go.” You said. Jay smiled at you and looked at Jake before walking you to the kitchen.

He filled a cup and handed it to you, “You okay? You look upset.”

You gulped the drink in one go, leaving Jay speechless, are they sure you’re innocent?

“I’m fine. A lot of things happened these past few weeks. I just wanna forget them.” You croaked. Jay rubbed your back in understanding.

“I know how that feels. Wanna go to a more quiet area?” He questioned. You filled up your cup and gulped down your drink again. Jay was starting to worry you’re gonna get drunk.

So far it looks like it’s kicking in a little, so he stops you, “Don’t drink your emotions away. That’s bad.”

You give him a teary eyes look, “Why is everyone after me?” You hiccuped.

Jay paused. He suddenly felt bad, you looked stressed. He grabbed your arm and took you upstairs, not knowing that someone saw you guys leaving.

He opened a door and brought you in, setting you on the bed. You let your tears fall free as Jay sat next to you.

“You can let it out. It’s okay.” He whispered. You broke down in his arms while he rested his head on top of yours.

He didn’t know what happened between you, Jake, and Sunghoon. But he’ll make sure to give them a lecture when he sees them again.

You lifted your head up, no longer crying, but giving him a look, “Jay, has anyone ever told you were handsome?”

Jay gave you a flustered look, “Sometimes? It’s not new that’s for sure.” He joked. You giggled and before he could laugh he felt your lips pressing against his.

He felt himself slowly closing his eyes, your lipgloss sticky and sweet. He softly broke the kiss.

The way he stared into your eyes made yourself feel sober.

He leaned in closer, his eyes locked on yours. “Do you wanna do this?”

You felt a pressure spread across your chest. “Please Jay.” You whispered. And that’s all he needed before pressing his lips against yours.

You felt impatient and broke the kiss and lowered yourself. You began unbuckling his belt and pulled them down with his boxers.

He hissed when he felt the cold air hit his dick, it was hard and leaking with precum. You stroked his dick softly, he groaned when you softly squeezed it.

“I-I’ve never gave anyone a blowjob before.” You admitted. Jay chuckled and rubbed your head.

“I’ll teach you princess.” He rasped. He slightly lowered your head, you opened your mouth and stuck out your tongue.

Jay cursed at the view and softly placed his dick in your mouth. He sighed in measure when he felt you closing your mouth around him.

“Hollow your mouth.” He commented. You felt yourself breathing deeply before hollowing your cheeks, trying to take him in.

You felt your eyes prick with tears, feeling him deep in your throat. Your moaning cause vibration go through his dick making him throw his head back, moaning.

He started to go a bit faster, thrusting in your wet mouth. You felt his hands tighten on your hair and his dick twitching.

“Shit princess I’m gonna cum.” He moaned. He took his dick out while you stuck your tongue out, your expression pushing him on the edge, he stroked his dick as cum dropped on your mouth.

You felt yourself feel even more wet than before, wanting his cum in you. You stood your ground and pushed him on the bed, kissing him fast and sloppy, he wasn’t complaining.

You took off your shirt and bra, revealing your perky tits. Jay felt himself get hard again, “You seem confident.”

You giggled, it was definitely the alcohol in your system. He suddenly flipped you two over and went on top of you. He kissed along your jaw and took off his shirt too, his tan body making you drool.

He was now completely bare while you still had your skirt on. He pulled them down and prodded at your underwear.

He felt impatient and moved your underwear to the side, “Shit you’re so wet.” He mumbled. You sighed when you felt him sliding his dick between your folds, biting your lip.

He groaned when he finally slid in, he already knew you were prepped, with the way Jake and Sunghoon looked at you in the hallway there’s no way they haven’t fucked you.

You still felt a bit tight so he waited until you felt comfortable and telling him to move. He first went at a slow pace, enjoying your expressions.

“Please faster Jay!” You cried out. You didn’t need to tell him twice. He suddenly thrusted at a fast pace making you arch your back.

He cursed and kissed your jaw again. He couldn’t help but let out a soft moan when his dick was being sucked in.

He picked you up and went near a wall, facing you towards it and slamming his dick back in to you. You cried out in pleasure feeling him deeper in you.

“You’ve been fucked how many times? And you’re still so tight.” He groaned. You whimpered and grind back.

You felt your orgasm coming and whined, “I’m gonna cum Jay!” You moaned. He put his hand on your clit, rubbing it fast. Your eyes rolled back, feeling your orgasm wash through you.

You felt your legs shake, feeling like not being able to stand up, “J-Jay please cum inside. I’m on birth control.” You whispered.

Jay came from hearing that, cumming inside you. You sighed feeling his cum fill you up. He pulled out and picked you up, setting you on the bed softly.

He went to the bathroom and took out a wet rag, wiping you slow, making sure not to hurt you in any way.

“Thank you Jay.” You said.

Jay gave you a smile, “For what?”

“For taking care of me. These past few days you made me feel better.” You replied. Jay didn’t reply, instead he softly kissed your cheek.

But Jay likes proving that sometimes, the coolest guys are the ones who are the most genuine and caring.

[afroditisworld]

Salvatore

Spencer Reid x female!Reader

minors dni

Warnings : smut without a plot :)) reader is in her 20s praise kink and hands kink, oral (female received), switch Spencer, use of pet named (good girl, love, baby, brat, sweet) if you are not into that please do not read.

word count : 3k

Dating Spencer was never a plan. But here you were, falling for him more and more each day. He was not someone you expected to fall in love with; you didn't usually go for guys like him. But he had something that made you feel safe and understood at the same time. He was different from anyone you had ever dated before, which made him so special to you. You were younger than him, and you sometimes worried that you weren't what he needed in his life. But Spencer was always there to remind you that you were his safe person.

You didn't have always much time to spend together because of his work and your studies, but whenever that happened, it felt like time stood still and you were the only two people in the world. You went out for coffee or a date in a library, trying to find books for each other, and when you just wanted to relax, you would just lay on the sofa and read books.

Tonight was like this, with you two being too tired to go out but wanting to spend time together. He was at his desk, studying something for his new case. He had promised you that it wouldn't take long, but half an hour became one and then two, and you started getting bored. You didn't want to bother him, but your boyfriend was looking so damn good doing what he was good at, and you couldn't stop staring at him. His focused expression and the way his brow furrowed in concentration were oddly attractive to you. You wish he was more focused on you; however, you were afraid to ask for his attention.

You couldn't quit thinking about how beautiful his hands were. You loved how his fingers moved with precision and grace, making you feel an odd mixture of admiration and desire. The longer you watched him, the more you imagined him touching you. You couldn't stop thinking about his hands running down your body till they landed on the band of your pyjama shorts. Spencer knew it he wasn't naive. He noticed how you would stare at his hands and bite your lips. He saw how your gaze remained fixed on them while he was reading, or how you would simply stare at them when you assumed he wasn't paying attention.

"Spence, I... I just," You couldn't admit your desire for his hands; you were only hoping he wouldn't see through your frozen expression.

"Are you feeling okay?" He asked. He sounded so calm, as if he hadn't caught you staring at his hands, and wishing he was doing something other than work.

"Yeah…why wouldn't I be?" You replied and gave him a forced and awkward smile, hoping he wouldn't ask anything more. The tension between you two was clear, but you attempted to hide it.

"Well, first of all, your face is kind of red, you were zooming out, and you were also staring at my hands." He spoke without breaking eye contact.

"I-I'm not staring," you responded quickly, attempting to explain yourself, but your stutter made you seem more guilty.

You could stop thinking how long have you been staring at his hands? What if he thought it was weird? What if you make him uncomfortable?

You hadn't dated Spencer for a while, and he didn't know all of your likes, so you were afraid to tell him.

When you finally mumbled, "I-I just... um, I really like your hands," you could feel the heat rising on your face. Spencer's face softened, a tiny smile spreading across his lips. "Well, in that case, I'll have to make sure to use them to hold yours more often," he said making you blush even more.

"Are you done with your work?" you asked eagerly, hoping to attract his attention.

With an innocent smile, Spencer shook his head and chuckled. "I have a few more things to finish up before I'm done," he said, noticing your disappointed look. "But I can come there and sit with you while I work if you'd like." You blushed again and nodded quickly, letting him know how much you wanted to touch you.

Your heart skipped a beat at Spencer's offer. You could feel his warmth and comfort spreading over you as he placed himself next to you. You looked at him, and you asked softly, "Can I lay with my head on your thigh?"

He nodded, and as your head rested on his leg, one of his hands played with your hair. You looked up to him with doe eyes and made yourself comfortable. Spencer's gentle touch and the way he stroked his fingers through your hair left you feeling desperate. Spencer's hand discovered your sweet place, and you let out a sweet groan. His touch caused shivers down your spine. You knew he was teasing you, so you placed your hand on his thigh and massaged small circles.

Your hands moved higher, attempting to reach the spot you desired the most. Spencer's breath caught as your hand came closer to where you wanted it, but it didn't get far. He grasped your wrist, and you glanced up at him innocently.

"Don't tease me, Y/N." You could see the desire in his eyes, which just increased yours. With a devilish smirk, you asked, "Who said I was teasing?" You felt like your entire body was on fire. You wanted him to touch, feel, and kiss you. He was so close and yet so far away; you weren't sure what got into you, whether it was his hands and how they made you feel or the way he played with your hair.

He looked down at you, smirking, and said, "Don't you want to be my good girl, Y/N?" His voice was deep but lovely, and it sent shivers down your spine. Your breath caught in your throat, and you nodded before even trying to process what he said.

"So don't tease me, love, and let me finish my job," he replied, releasing your wrist. But you weren't expecting this response, so you got up from his thighs . As you struggled to process his words, you felt a rush of eagerness and nervousness wash over you. You couldn't resist the anticipation of his domination, but you didn't want to wait.

"I don't want to wait," you said as you tilted your head. His eyes darkened, and he raised his eyebrows. "Impatient, are we?" he replied with a smirk, his hand trailing up your arm, leaving a small kiss on your shoulder. "I like that in you," he added before pulling you up to his lap. He left the file on the small table that was beside the sofa, and then his hands touched your waist.

He cupped the side of your face with one of his hands. "My girl's so needy that she can't even wait five more minutes," he said, and you bit your lips. His touch sent shivers down your spine, and you couldn't help but lean into his hand. "I can't help it when you're around," you whispered, feeling his grip tighten slightly in response. He leaned in, pressing his lips against yours, and you melted into the kiss, feeling a rush of warmth run through your body. His touch was intoxicating, and you knew you'd never want to be anywhere else than in his arms. Your hands slid up his thighs to the button on his jeans as soon as he pulled back. He sighed and dropped his head back as you unbuttoned his jeans. You were so eager that you almost didn't recognise yourself.

Before you could even remove his trousers, he stopped you with his hand on your wrist.

"Not so fast," he whispered, kissing you again. Spencer changed your position within a minute.

Now you were sitting on the sofa with your legs open and Spence on his knees between them. His hands moved gently over your body, making you feel warm with excitement. His intense gaze at you caused your heart to rush even quicker.

He was now staring up at you with an eager grin. Spencer's hands moved from your waist to your thighs before touching your pyjama shorts. With your help, he carefully slipped them down, exposing more of your skin to his desperate gaze. The air between you cracked with longing; you couldn't wait any longer; you needed him to touch and feel you. He was so close, you could feel his breath on your sensitive core. He hadn't even touched you down there, but you knew you were wet; you could feel the frustration running through your body.

"Please, Spencer," you asked. You had no idea what you were begging for, but you were willing to accept whatever he offered you. He wet his lips and used his hands to remove your panties. You stared down at him and realised that even though he was on his knees, he had complete control, which he proved as soon as his hands reached your clit.

Spencer teased you more, wanting to hear the sounds you made as a reaction to the pleasure he gave you. You bit your lips and pushed your hips towards him, aching to feel more.

"Patient," he replied without breaking his sight from you. He looked at you with lust and need, but he refused to touch you unless you begged him to. You knew Spencer would always make the wait worthwhile.

“Please, Spencer just- do anything, please I need- Ah.” you didn't have the time to complete your sentence and Spencer's mouth was now on your clit. He always knew how to please you, especially when he would eat you out. He was a man with an eidetic memory after all, of course he knew your body better than you.

“You’re such a t-tease Spence” you whined. He looked up at you with his gorgeous eyes and a smirk and before you knew it his fingers were inside of you. You were so wet already that his fingers could easily slip inside you. He didn’t take his eyes off of you, he couldn’t and the truth was that he didn’t want to. It was one of his favourite things to do, watching you fall apart just because of his fingers and mouth.

“P-please” you managed to say again.

“Begging is a good look for you, darling but I’m sure you don’t know what you are begging for, do you ?” he said with a grin.

“Don’t stop Spencer” you cried out.

Spencer was eating you out like a man starved. The fingering and eating duo was phenomenal and he knew that. He was practically making out with your clit.

When he pulled his fingers out you cried out feeling so empty, but immediately Spencer spread your pussy lips with his fingers as he pressed his tongue inside of you. Your back arched and a sinful moan left your lips. Your legs started shaking and you could feel yourself getting closer as you tried to close your thighs together. Spencer understood that and with his hand placed one of your legs on his shoulder.

“You want to come Y/N? ” he asked hot breath hitting your core and sending shivers through your spine.

“God-yes” you moaned as Spencer’s lips touched you again, you felt your clit pulsing and twitching in his mouth with his fingers once again inside you.

“Then cum to my fingers Y/N” Spencer whispered as your pussy squeezed rhythmically around his fingers finding your climax. You closed your eyes and your head fell back as you tried to catch your breath.

Spencer started leaving wet kisses on your thighs and when you finally opened your eyes and looked at him he said “I want you to ride me. Can you do that pretty girl?” he asked. You just nodded eager to please him.

When he placed himself next to you he helped you climb on him.

Spencer’s hands moved tightly around your waist, when he tried to place you on his thighs, sending goosebumps to your whole body. Your hand fell to the zipper of his jeans unzipping it as fast as you could. You could finally see how hard he was. You looked at him biting your lips so innocently, his eyes never looked away watching every move you made.

“Eating me out really does make you hard,” you whispered in his ear and smirked. His eyes darkened as he pulled you by your hair lightly to make you look at him.

“You’re in no position to tease baby, remember that.” He grunted softly “You were the one who was begging asking to be touched.” you blushed and tried to look away. “So if you want to cum I suggest to stop being a brat.”

Spencer always was talkative during sex but now he was being mean and bold.

“S-sorry” you managed to say.

With Spencer’s help, you remove his jeans and boxer his hard dick was licking with pre-cum as it hit his flat stomach.

You decided to tease him some more jerking his length with your palm as you go for a kiss, moans dying in your mouth.

“Just- Just ride me already” Spencer groaned you grinned at him before you opened your mouth and said, “And I thought I was the needy one”. His hands were now gripping your thighs trying to guide you on top of him and without any warning he slipped inside you. You were already wet because of your previous orgasm but Spencer was big and you could still feel the way he was stretching you out.

“Always so tight,” he breathed out. Spencer didn’t move he didn’t know just how badly you ached for him, so he waited to adjust to him. Your hands were resting on his chest, you were trying your best not to fall apart and collapse on him. As you sank down on him he knew he should help you but he loved watching you struggle. So you decided to take matters into your own hands, as you started straddling him. You opened slightly your mouth and a small cry left your lips. Your head fell back and you started moving. With every rise of your hips and bounce of your ass against him you were taking him deeper.

“P-please” Words were coiled at your throat, coming out as broken sobs, wishing for more but you were starting to get tired of doing all the work.

“If you want something, you have to use your words, babe” Spencer hissed. You tried to move faster but your legs were giving up on you. Spencer could feel the way your warm walls throbbed around him, but he also noticed how your pace slowed down.

“Can’t you handle it, baby?” He whispered in your ear leaving a wet kiss there.

“I can-fuck, I can handle it.” You were I mess, your lips were trembling and Spencer couldn't take his eyes off of you. Thrusting yourself up and down along his cock was causing your boobs to bounce in front of him begging him for his attention. And the next thing you know is that his mouth scatters wet kisses all over your boobs.

“Go faster,” he said plainly with a bit of a whine.

“I can't, too m-much Spence” you whined as you kept riding him.

“Oh you want my h-help” he managed to breathe out. You couldn't say anything your mind was far gone for a while now and the only thing that you could do was nod your head.

“Use your words, baby, you are a smart girl, Right” he teased you. He always knew what to say to make your walls throb around him.

“Pl-please help me” you stuttered.

“Help you with what baby, come on,” he said as he let his hands fall on your ass.

“Cum” you whined. You didn't have to ask him twice as he started helping you with your movement. Your hips were now slamming up too recklessly giving you exactly what you asked for.

“Faster—ah shit—“ you were a hot mess, but believe me Spencer loved the view.

“I'm sorry, what was that? I can’t hear you over all that noise you’re making” he grinned at you teasingly. His fingers sank into the smooth fat, forcing your movements to speed up, and you're mewing, pleading with him to give you more, more, more.

Spencer was hitting that one spot and your eyesight was beginning to blur. He moaned loudly and bucked his hips up into you.

“Feels so good S-Spencer” you cried out. You started getting louder with watery eyes as you got closer to your orgasm, that was the signature of him to go faster. You could feel him pulsing inside you since he was getting closer as well. He placed his hand on your throat making you come closer to kiss you. Your eyes fell on his hands his veins were popping out and you couldn't take your eyes off of them.

“S-so pretty” you mewed before he kissed you. But you were struggling to kiss him back as he was fucking you so good.

“I-fuck S-Spence I’m g-gonna cum” you said.

“C-cum for me sweet” he stuttered softly while he was getting closer with every movement.

“So good…you’re doing so good, such a good girl for me,” he praised, suddenly overwhelmed by the pleasure your pussy had given him.

His praises practically take you over the edge, forcing you to lean forward and put your arms on his shoulders to hold yourself from falling on him while continuing to ride out your orgasm.

“Y/N” Spencer moaned “I’m cumming, don’t stop, please. Don’t stop” You always loved how he would beg as he was getting closer.

“Beg,” you said as you pulled his hair feeling more in control now as you keep riding him.

“Don’t…nghh- don’t be a brat” he groaned as he came inside you filling you up with his cums.

Spencer needed some time to catch his breath and calm down from his climax before he tried to help you stand up. But you shocked your head.

“I want to be close to you, please” you begged.

“You know actually the chances of-mphh” he started saying but you cut him off by kissing him.

“You know I don’t mind,” you said as you tried to stand up “But if it makes you uncomfortable I can always go clean up” you continued but before you could even get off of him he pushed back at him.

“N-no stay” he murmured. You nodded at him with a little smile and rested your head on his shoulder as he started talking about a new poem that he read.

Spencer maybe made you wait but he always fucked you like a gentleman.

⋅───⊱༺ ♰ ༻⊰───⋅

reblogs are always appreciated !

⋅───⊱༺ ♰ ༻⊰───⋅

dying by the hand of a foreign man, happily

[smutstevington]

Resensitized (part 3) | Eddie Munson x Reader

Summary: You're dating your pornstar roommate. Everything is great! Well, except for the jealousy you're trying not to feel. (part one, part two)

Word Count: 4K

Warnings: 18+ MINORS DNI, Pornstar!Eddie x fem reader (no use of y/n), pwp and lots of feelings, reader tries being a soft dom (and succeeds), she’s jealous but also kinda into it. mild degradation, unprotected p in v, oral male receiving, fem self-gratification, he really do be begging for her, once again Eddie is a simp, playful banter, things get super romantic because that's all I know how to write

A/N: GUYS I FINALLY WROTE IT! So many of you wanted part three, and I really hope it meets expectations. This one is a bit different than the others because reader tries something new. I tried to take all your suggestions into account! Anyway, I think I am going to end this series, but thank you so much to all who read and enjoyed ♥️

------------------------------

It had been one week since you and Eddie decided to start dating, and it was working fine. Actually, it was easier than any of your previous relationships. You were already best friends, and you were already living together, so it’s not like you got tired of each other or were surprised by much. You spent more time together now, setting nights aside for movies and sex and cooking dinner together and having sex and grabbing a drink and then having sex. 

Yeah. You had sex a lot. The two of you were kind of crazy for each other, but it wasn’t like your relationship was only about sex, it just happened to be what you were doing a lot because you’d been doing all the other stuff already. You had a lot of sex to catch up on, and you took that seriously.

And when he wasn’t home….

Okay.

Was it fucked up that sometimes when you were alone in your room you watched your roommate’s porn videos to get off?

….Probably.

But did you care? Nope!

You tried not to think about the psychology behind it. It was probably something like a cuckolding thing, or whatever. It didn’t matter who he slept with on camera, because he slept with you off camera, and it was amazing. 

But then one day you stumbled across a video of him with a woman who looked remarkably like you, and that was the first time you felt that dreadful sting of jealousy. And then after that, you found out he had made a video with her recently, and that’s when your envy got much worse.

Fuck. 

You didn’t want to be jealous. You wanted to be the cool girl who was dating a porn star and didn’t feel weird about it, because you knew going into it that this was his job. You knew he was a porn star when you moved in and became best friends and you definitely knew when he offered to use his porn-star skills to blow your mind. And you knew when you went on a date, and when you had sex again, and when you agreed to keep dating. You knew it the whole time, and you told yourself over and over again that you could date him and not be jealous about how he was fucking other women at work during the day and coming home to you at night, but the truth was - 

Okay, this woman looked just like you. That’s fucked up! 

But you recognized that this was your issue, and you couldn’t possibly tell him this, because this was his career. He made good money from his work. If you told him you felt weird about it, you knew he’d feel at least a little pressured to re-evaluate his job or quit altogether, and you didn’t want to be that guy. But you also didn’t want to stop dating him, so…

It was time to quietly suffer just a little bit and hope he didn’t notice.

Besides, you’d be sitting at home feeling jealous or whatever while he was at work, and then you’d hear the front door open, and suddenly he’d be climbing on top of you and desperately reaching for any part of you to hold and squeeze and touch, and he was moaning and gasping into your mouth like he’d been suffocating and you were his only source of oxygen, and then it didn’t matter anymore if you were jealous, because you couldn’t think. 

The first thing he wanted when he came home from work was you. How could you ever complain?

-

“Something fucked up happened at work today.”

Um. Not really what you’d wanted to hear when Eddie got home, but okay. It was supposed to be one of your date nights, but then he came home from work looking…forlorn? Distracted? Nervous? You couldn’t tell.

He didn’t say anything at first. He just went straight to his room, and then to the shower. He used showers as therapy, basically. That’s what you’d figured out over the course of your lease thus far. Anyway, one of the perks of dating a porn star was that, when your partner came home looking sad like that, your first thought wasn’t “oh God, he fucked someone else.” Cuz, ya know, duh. That came with the territory. You hadn’t really talked about what cheating would entail, or if your relationship was exclusive, but he wasn’t seeing anyone outside of work, and you weren’t seeing anyone outside of him.

He satisfied you more than enough, so…

There was, of course, the one thing that did worry you. You were still feeling that burn of jealousy in your stomach about that video of him with your look-a-like. You repressed the feeling as much as you could, but it was still there, and you couldn’t help but wonder if his mood was related.

“What happened?” you asked. He shrugged, and you noticed his wet hair was leaving spots on his old t-shirt.

“Well, it was -” he stopped himself, palming the back of his neck. “It was while I was - uhh, you know. With someone else.”

You swallowed. “I figured,” you said.

Okay, it was gonna come to this eventually. He’d never been explicit with you about his work, and that was fine. Obviously you weren’t completely in the dark, thanks to your secret night-time habit, but he never told you about what it was like to be with someone else. It wasn’t like you were offended, it just wasn’t something you needed to know. You weren’t sure how you’d feel if you did know, and now you realized you were about to find out.

“Is it weird for me to tell you about it?” he wondered.

You stared at him, and you were pretty sure your expression would have been funny if you were looking at yourself and not panicking on the inside.

“I’m not sure,” you responded. “Probably. Tell me anyway and let’s find out.”

There was a shared nervous smile between the two of you. You couldn’t wait for the tension to dissipate. You had to know what was making him act like this.

“Okay, so -” he began, pacing the living room floor and avoiding eye contact. In all the time you’d known him, he rarely avoided eye contact. It was actually incredibly intimidating how much he stared deeply into your eyes when he talked to you.

Aaaand incredibly hot when he did it while having sex with you. Anyway.

“I couldn’t get off,” he continued. “And I’ve told you that happens pretty often for me, but this was even worse than usual. Like, I was nowhere close. So, that was frustrating, and then I - I started thinking about the other night. I started thinking about…you.”

He stopped pacing, but his gaze remained on the floor. Your eyes widened.

Oh.

“Did it work?” you asked. Something in your voice must have tipped him off that you weren’t angry - and you weren’t - far from it, actually. His eyes lifted to meet yours, and the tension in the room shifted to that of a different kind.

“Like a fucking charm,” he replied.

Oh.

If someone had told you before you met Eddie that this kind of thing would have gotten you hot and bothered, you would have been confused. You still would have been confused as you were feeling it, but you were too turned on to even focus on the confusion.

It was bad enough that you sometimes enjoyed watching him with other women, and now you were wet at the thought of him fucking someone else and having to think about you to enjoy it?

Wait, no. Actually, you were pretty sure that the second part was objectively hot.

“Well, you were right. That is fucked up,” you said. For a moment, his face fell. His eyebrows scrunched together, and concern flooded his expression again. He walked toward you to take your hands in his, bringing them to his lips.

“I know,” he said, kissing down your wrist. “Fuck, I - I shouldn’t have said anything. I’m sorry -”

“No, no,” you interrupted, sliding your hands from his grasp up to either side of his face. “Don’t be sorry. I don’t really understand what I’m feeling, but for whatever reason I’m very, very into this.”

Eddie raised his eyebrows in disbelief.

“Seriously?” You nodded, hungry.

“Uh-huh.”

What you had was electric and powerful. It was like you were magnetically drawn to each other. Your lips quickly found his as your hands tangled in his wet hair, pulling it the way you knew he liked. You bit and nipped at him, resenting that you had to be gentle. You didn’t want to be gentle this time. You wanted nothing more than to ruin him. 

Because you had ruined him, clearly. You’d ruined all other women for him. You both knew it. 

You felt possessed by something so much bigger than the two of you. A deep, instinctual desire - an unstoppable desperation. You walked him backwards until you reached the couch in the living room, then pushed him until he was sitting down. He stared up at you, slack-jawed and panting, his swollen lips pink and shiny, his eyes dark and wide. 

You slipped your shirt off over your head and let it fall to the floor. He reached for you, but you shook your head. You wanted to undress for him, this time. Your fingers slowly trailed down your exposed stomach and to the button of your jeans, working them undone. He watched your every methodical, deliberate, tantalizing move, and you could see the shape of his hard dick growing beneath the fabric of his pajama pants. He palmed himself as you slid your jeans down your legs and kicked them off. Next came your bra, and then your underwear. 

You were standing fully naked in front of him, which would have been enough to drive him insane, but then you slowly got on your knees.

“Ohhhh, Sweetheart,” he drawled, his breathing getting more and more erratic. “What are you doing to me?”

“What does it look like I’m doing?” you teased, tugging at his pants until they were past his hips. It took some squirming on his end, followed by giggles between the two of you, but then you were pushing his legs apart to get between them and leaning over to suck him off.

“Fuuuuck me,” he whined as your lips found his tip. His head fell back, his eyelids drooping. 

“I will,” you replied, coy. “But I want to try something first.”

The first time you’d hooked up, he’d told you he’d always wanted to try degradation and being a bit more of a sub, but since then you’d only ever fed into the kind of stuff he did at work. He focused a lot on your pleasure - and he always enjoyed himself too, but still. You wanted this time to be different.

You wanted to own him. 

“Anything,” he muttered. “Anything you want, it’s yours.”

He was taking to being submissive quite well, wasn’t he? And you were doing pretty well at the soft dom thing. 

(You may or may not have done some research on the subject)

“I’m the only one that can make you come, right?” you asked as you teased his cock with gentle licks and kisses. He groaned and moaned at your touch, then nodded viciously. “Okay. This time, I don’t want you to come until I say you can. Deal?”

He nodded so fucking fast you worried he would get whiplash. It was kinda cute how red in the face he was. He looked as if he was going to burst. 

And then he said something you didn’t expect.

“Am I - am I dreaming?”

You pulled away from him and sat back on your knees, looking up at his face and waiting for him to break and explain the joke, but he didn’t.

“What?”

“Am I - fuck, never mind,” he said with a sigh. “I don’t fucking care if I’m dreaming, just - just don’t stop, baby, please. I - I - don’t stop.”

God. His begging really did something to you. You smiled, and then your smile turned to a smirk as you decided to resume your work. The lust within you took over again, and suddenly you were climbing on top of him, straddling him, grinding against him until his eyes rolled back into his head.

It felt good for you too, of course, but that wasn’t what you were worried about. 

Degradation. That was the word he used when talking about what he was interested in. You also knew that sometimes, fantasies didn’t feel the way you thought they would when they actually played out. You were slightly worried about this next part, but figured it was worth a shot -

“All those women and I’m the only one that can get you off,” you said as you continued rocking your hips against his erection. “You’re not even inside me and you’re a fucking mess.” 

His mouth was open in a silent scream, his eyes fixed to the ceiling. 

“Please fuck me,” he muttered, his voice barely audible. “Please, please fuck me.” 

You’d gotten tested for STI’s the day after you and Eddie agreed to keep dating, and everything came back clean. He was routinely tested as well, so…no need for condoms, really. Especially with you on birth control. The main reason you still sometimes used them was for easier cleanup, but considering how often you two had sex, it was far more convenient to go without and suffer the consequences as they came (pun intended).

You lifted yourself high enough to line him up with your entrance, then slowly sank back down. Immediately, he was melting beneath you, which only made you wetter for him. You slid him into you until he bottomed out, then stilled.

“Remember,” you whispered against his lips. “Don’t come until I say so. I wanna come first.” Immediately, his hand dove between the two of you as his fingers went to find your clit, but you grabbed him by the wrist. “No, I want to do it myself.”

And so, Eddie watched you. He watched as you touched yourself while bouncing up and down in a steady rhythm, progressively getting faster and deeper until you were clenching around him. It took everything in him not to grab you and fuck into you harder and faster. Never in his life had he tried so hard not to come, and that’s why this was all so pleasurable. 

When your moans sounded just the way he liked them to and he felt you get warmer and wetter around him, he nearly lost it. He almost spilled into you, but managed to hold off by digging his nails into the meat of his thighs. 

For your second orgasm, you let him use his fingers while you rode him, telling him exactly what to do. And after you’d settled, and your mind centered back in your body, you realized you’d put him through enough.

“Okay,” you exhaled. “I got mine.”

Eddie was so completely fucked out. He looked like you probably should have, but you still felt in control. It was a nice contrast to all the other times he’d had you screaming and whimpering his name. He didn’t even react - he seemed to have no idea what to do next.

“Aww,” you said, running your hands through his hair. “Did I fuck the thoughts out of that pretty head of yours? Come on, I know you know what to do next.”

“You want me to -?” he began. His voice was weak and hesitant. “You want me to fu - I mean, now?” Instead of answering, you slid off his lap and got on all fours beside him.

He was fucking you within probably about three seconds.

He grabbed your hips and pulled you into him, thrusting into you over and over again, faster and harder and causing all kinds of noises to echo in the room. The sounds of skin and desire, all culminating into something that sent you spiraling into orbit.

You almost didn’t notice when he spoke again.

“Tell me to come,” he pleaded. “Tell me I can come now.”

You were well past the point of teasing him, so instead you gave in.

“Do it,” you permitted. “Come inside me.”

So, he did. He filled you and continued fucking you until he couldn’t stand it anymore. He wrapped his arms around you and pulled you up so your back was against his chest, then left desperate kisses on your cheek, neck, and shoulder - wherever his lips would reach. You felt his heavy breathing, the rise and fall of his ribs, the warmth of his skin. He wished the feeling would never end - he wished he could spend eternity doing just this, and then he wished he had several other eternities to spend doing nothing with you. He loved every moment. He was so far fucking gone into loving you. Perfect, beautiful, intoxicating, you.

-

There was a box of tissues on the coffee table, which ended up being a lifesaver in terms of cleanup. Of course, the two of you had to work together to reach over and get the box without toppling over. Then, you both wandered silently to your room, knowing that you’d be far more comfortable cuddling on a bed. 

He held you so close to him it almost felt more intimate than sex.

“That was -” he began, his tone calm and warm. “That was the first time I’ve done that.” You giggled, angling your neck to kiss him quickly before returning to lay your head back on his chest.

“Was it as good as you hoped it would be?” you asked.

“I still can’t really think straight, so yeah,” he replied. You laughed again. “Where’d you learn to do that?”

You bit your lip, the anxiety returning just a little bit. 

“There’s a lot of great info out there on the internet,” you responded. He chuckled, then kissed the top of your head.

“I know, I’m involved in a lot of it,” he said. And then he said something else, and your heart stopped. “You know, when you said - ‘Did I fuck the thoughts out of that pretty head of yours?’ - I was thinking about how that question was kind of familiar.”

You were so glad your ear was to his chest and it wasn’t the other way around, because he absolutely would have been able to hear your pulse rising. 

“It’s a common thing for people to say when they’re doing the degradation thing,” you quickly replied, hoping he’d drop it but knowing he wouldn’t.

“Oh, I know,” he continued. You could hear a smirk in his voice. “I’ve used that line a lot.”

Now your heart was beating so fast, you wondered if he could feel it pounding in your chest somehow. You sat up, noticing the way he was looking at you as if he was saying - Gotcha.

“It wasn’t -” you sputtered. You weren’t sure why you were even attempting to keep this from him anymore. “It’s not like you came up with it, Eddie. It’s - that’s -  it wasn’t -”

“Baby,” he said with a light laugh. “I’m just teasing you. But, your reaction is veeeeeery suspicious.” 

You were blushing so hard it burned your cheeks. Meanwhile, he was completely amused by the whole situation. 

“Okay, so I’ve watched more of your videos!” you confessed, probably too loudly. And then, the words kept flowing before you could stop them. “Sue me! My boyfriend is fucking other women and sometimes I get curious, and sometimes I think it’s hot - although, to be fair, I only focus on you, obviously. Except for when you’re paired with the woman who’s basically my twin, and then I just get - ugh, whatever. It’s not a big deal.”

He was grinning, practically giddy, and it drove you crazy. 

“Boyfriend?” he asked, chuffed. You rolled your eyes.

“Shut up, you’re obviously my boyfriend,” you shot back immediately. “Is that seriously all you got from my whole confession?”

“What do you think I am, your priest?” he teased. He put his arm around you to pull you back into him. “Don’t get any ideas, by the way. No way I’d ever do religion roleplay. That’s off limits, even for you.”

You had to admit - the phrase even for you gave you butterflies. 

“You’re not into the whole, ‘forgive me, father, for I’ve been a bad bad girl’ kind of thing?” you asked, allowing yourself to tease him back. He chuckled, running his fingers through your hair.

“Ah, so you do watch porn that’s not me,” he replied. You couldn’t help but smile at his joke, but you playfully smacked him on the arm in retaliation. 

“Of course I do,” you answered. “Not that kind though, don’t worry.”

“Hey, I don’t kinkshame,” he said, putting his hands in the air. “But that’s one you’d have to go find with someone else.”

“I don’t want anyone else,” you said back. Your words were decisive and stern. “Come on, let’s just be honest. I like you. I want to be with you. And I really try not to get jealous, and I don’t want to be jealous, but sometimes I am. Because I want to be the one for you. Like, that’s why I jumped you today. I know it’s your job, and I don’t want you to change your life for me. But yeah, I get jealous sometimes. And, like, this is less serious, but I wanna be able to bite you and not think about whether or not I’m leaving marks for someone else to see. For your partners or thousands of viewers to see. I just - I don’t want to feel this way, but I do.”

Eddie’s hands returned to your hair. He sighed, but it wasn’t a sigh of disappointment or anger - it was something else.

“You wanna mark me up, huh?” he responded. “Tell me more about that.”

You hated it when he got evasive like this. Lately it had been happening more and more.

“Oh my God,” you groaned. “Yeah, I do. I’ve been holding back, you know. I’m a biter.” Eddie’s eyes lit up.

“You’re reeeeeally fucking with my refractory period, baby,” he said. You rolled your eyes.

“Eddie, focus,” you told him. “This is serious.”

His last wall came down. You could practically see it happen.

“I know,” he said at last. “I know it’s serious, and - and I don’t want to be with anyone else either. Like, I’ve been really struggling with work and thinking about how I can get past it, but I can’t. And then they paired me with someone who - yeah, it’s freaky how much she looks like you, I agree - but I promise it was just weird for me, because she wasn’t you. No one is you. I don’t want to be with aaaaanybody else, honest to God. I just - I love you, okay? I’m in love with you.”

Of all the things he could have said - of all the things you wished for - all the things you hoped he’d say - this was better than all of them. This was - this was everything.

“You’re in love with me?” you echoed, your voice small and quiet. 

“Afraid so,” he replied with a slight smile. “Genuinely, it’s terrifying. I’ve never - Sweetheart, you’re it for me. You gotta know that.”

For a minute, you didn’t know how to respond. You wondered how long he’d loved you - how long he’d known that you were what he wanted. You thought about yourself, and how your feelings for him were clearly there, but love? You hadn’t considered being in love with him, and yet the moment he told you he loved you, it was as if all the puzzle pieces came together.

“I love you too,” you told him.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

You continued cuddling and talking after that as you discussed what you were going to do next. More specifically, what he was going to do next. He’d have to take a pay cut and switch to solo stuff, but he had enough saved up to get by. There was also the option of you joining him for a video, but that was a question for another day.

You had time to think about it. In fact, it was possible you had your whole life.

________________________

@welc0me-t0-hellf1re @nope-thanks @names-were-taken @teary-eyed-egg @mvnsonluver @msgexymunson @micheledawn1975 @mimsthebannished @joantje @mrsjellymunson @oh-my-grace @libbyhermione @agrownupgeekgirl @vintagehellfire @spikedhe4rt @stardustingold @bebe07011 @magicalchocolatecheesecake @tlclick73 @astridflowers @whisteriaremembers @martaboj92 @the-side-blog777 @demeterlindavis @starheartseddie @aysheashea @ima1986 @hideoutside @spicedandicedtea @wheezyhyperfixates @jesssssmaybankk @dulciscreatura @maximus2354 @maxstecc @bmunson86 @strangerfan3691 @alana4610 @callsignraver @roanniom @thecomfortgoth @ali-r3n @alaskasbarfjournal @whothefckissofia @youwantagoodbhloe @eddieslooneymoonie @thirstypastelnacht @ungracefularchimedes @silky-luxe @aurora-austen @ysmmsy @emma77645 @bl4ckt00thgr1n @starryeyedpoet17 @buckymydarlingangel @kellyxo1 @cryingglightningg

[acesgarden]

hi! can i get tmnt 2012 boys general relationship hcs?? bonus points for poly (not tcest, god no!! just reader is dating all the boys but the boys arent together) (if that makes you uncomfy you absolutely do not have to include that and do them separately!!) 🦕

Hello lovely!! <33 Thank you for requesting. Polyam will never be turned away on this blog, unless it is rooted in tcest or toxic relationships.

For best experience read all of them in order.

|| So Much Love <3

Pairing(s) ->

2012!Leonardo H. Raphael H. Donatello H. Michelangelo H. x GN!Reader

Warning(s) ->

Reader is meant to be polyam with the headcanons made to he read as such! DNI with this post if you don’t like it, and just keep scrolling.

Summary ->

Reader is in a poly relationship with the turtles.

Masterlist

Leonardo ->

He’s a gentle man even before you get together.

He’d open the manhole cover for you, keep any snacks you like stocked in the lair the best he can.

Big ole sweetheart to you.

While it’s kinda obvious he like you he plays it off.

Notices his brothers acting a little different with you but just assumes it’s cause you’re a human. But has a feeling it’s something more.

Once they (and you) caught on, it became a think like sibling rivalry. Trying to one up each other for you.

Gentleman x10, invites you out with them constantly, makes small talk and tries to joke around (sometimes.)

He tries out in other areas like helping you with training, he compliments you alot.

Hes always there for you, checking up on you. He cares for you a lot.

He goes to splinter for advice when it comes to you. Wants to make sure he’s not messing up.

You quickly get annoyed by all they do. So you sit them down to have a talk.

You call them out on in and yeah they admit to having a crush on you.

Well lucky for them you’re poly! and after explaining that to them, they think about it and decide hey- why not give it a shot. You assure them that if things don’t work out they all can go back to being friends and forget it ever happened.

Now he’s more of a nervous and shy mess because you’re the first person he’s dated, like ever.

But he’s super supportive, and hypes you all all the time!!

I gotta get this one out the way.

Turtle piles, are IMMACULATE.

They love cuddling with you because you’re so so warm.

But if you’re a cold blooded mutant or just always cold, they are trying to keep you warm.

But for 1 on 1 cuddles he’s the big spoon, you’re the little spoon. But if you decide to be the big spoon he’d try it out.

After awhile he gets really affectionate like in a chill way, gentleman way.

Holding your hand, kissing your hand.

Dancing to music together because yes. He likes spinning you around. Cutie patootie.

Starts asking april for more advice.

He’s a gets you flowers and favorite things kinda guy.

Most dates are at home dates, like watching movies and stuff. But he makes them so much fun.

Get him hooked on your favorite show and suddenly boom he’s a bigger fan than you. Especially in the hero and action genre. But yall get rambling on it together and would probably shush them.

“Oh! Did you know! *insert cool fact-*”

“*shush*”

“*shush*”

Then you and leo go back to rambling.

I think he’s not the kind to get (to) jealous. Like a maybe “why didn’t I think of that!” other then that he’s like “that’s nice, i’m glad you had fun with Mikey.”

So supportive <3

Def will mom you, especially when you’re sick.

‘Nuh uh young lady, you ain’t getting out of bed, go back to laying down’ type momming. He gets you soup and whatever you need, medicine, water, kisses and cuddles.

First one to say ‘i love you.’

Also takes things slow, making sure you want to do it, and triple checking.

He’s a dork but you live em. :>

Raphael ->

Acts like he doesn’t like you, but he does. Tough guy act.

Atleast around his brothers. There’s just something about you that makes him a itty bitty lot softer.

But be prepared for him to push you when it comes to stuff like training or improving any of your skills.

Even if your interests or skills are ‘stupid’ he still pushed you, he’s always very encouraging.

Finds it odd the way his brothers act around you, like they like you. Reminds him of his romance books.

Kinda jealous when he caught on, but he’s now just showing off in his fighting, showing and teaching you all these cool moves.

Very supportive as always, pushed you and helps you even if he knows nothing of what he’s helping you with.

Mf is soft for you, especially in private. But like not soft as you’d expect all the time. Soft for you in the way he’s constantly giving you supportive and encouraging words. soft for you in the way he admires and respects all that you do.

Would sneak out with you if you asked.

Lowkey kinda a fangirl about you, imagine that scene between mikey and raph where they’re talking about mona. Yeah that’s how he is about you.

Kinda awkward during cuddle piles because yes they teased him at first. but has gotten use to it.

You are the big spoon, he is the little spoon.

Or yall are in such a random cuddle position but it works. Like you’re cuddling on top of him.

He likes kissing you a lot though, especially on the nose.

Mfs a romantic like those romance books paid off.

Like really, he’s always respectful, he’s a good flirt when he wants to be, but boy he can be awkward sometimes.

Asks to lift you.

Or you ask to lift him depending on size and strength differences.

But yall work out together and is your spotter.

He knows how to plan dates.

Stargazing, picnic, to Mr. Murakami’s noodle shop, walking around town. Seems basic but he makes them fun. Even the at home dates!!

Yall read comics together.

Ok but fr hell do things for you if you ask, even partake in a ‘girls night’ and somehow leo ends up there too.

He acts like he’s done it many times before. in which he has.

It’s their little secret.

You tease him though, he does get flustered but like a grumpy flustered. The best way to make it up is with kisses.

Anyway yall totally dress chompy up and take pictures, that is your child.

The pet parents.

He finds it interesting to know how his brothers treat you, sometimes he gets jealous.

He listens though.

He gets very anxious when you’re sick. stays by your side and watches over you. His brothers get a bit worried about him whenever you get sick.

But hey with all four of them and april taking care of you it’s helps with the anxiousness.

He’s the first to say ‘I love you.’ he was sweating like a hot day in hell though.

You both listen to each other when you have problems. He appreciates it.

Mental health days :>

Yall call on them when you need it. Will cancel any plans happening or going to happen. The other brothers understand and will leave yall alone.

After Mikey interrupted one and got a mouth full.

He loves you dearly and is happy to have you.

Donatello ->

You got special treatment april gets in canon. But like a lot more toned down (rewatching 2012 and I question my sanity each time we get some apriltello-)

You get early access vip treatment with new inventions!! You get subjected to his rambles about inventions, fandom fun facts, just his ramblings in general.

Donnie would research into all the stuff you like to get a bunch if fun facts to try and impress you.

If you’re like April and join in the fight, he’s protective of you. Or well in general. But not to a degree is like really over protective, like he knows you can hold your own but he’s always watching your back whenever enemies get to close.

Makes you things, especially if they’re useful or related to your interests.

I don’t think he notices much the way his brothers act, but he might catch on quicker to others and get a bit jealous.

Always trying to include you in his work, whether it’s studying something or an experiment. Well the non dangerous ones. He cares to much for your safety.

He would take you out on rides in the shellraiser if you ask or convince him enough.

(He will not admit it but he has a lot of fun when you do, relaxing a lot more.

The real simp of the family. Little giddy over anything you do to help him around in his lab or just in general.

Yall don’t cuddle 1 on 1 often, he’s too busy in his lab or out on missions. But on the times you do manage to pull him away from his work!

You are big spoon. Also frequently cuddle in chairs.

And he somehow finds a way to bypass the cuddle excuse and do both! D:<

But y’a know you can be prettyyyy distracting.

Physical affection is rare but always in big quantities when it happens.

Like he can be clingy when he’s not working and likes to hold your hand when he can.

Shellraiser rides and sneaking out are more frequent than before.

He does a grasp of romantic things. But theirs always a twist to em that just makes em Donnie.

He’d also fix things for you if you ask (or if you didn’t and he just knew.)

A worry wart, but also protective. And that goes for all of them. Sometimes it can be a bit much but they just don’t wanna see you hurt.

Other then gift giving acts if service is his love language.

Big on parallel play. Just hanging out in the same room doing your own thing.

Will partake in your hobbies and interests to get a better understanding of it. there’s a 75% chance he gets really invested (if he hasn’t already from trying to impress you with his knowledge.

Also mostly in house dates, buttt he’ll take you to Mr. Murakami’s too.

Also takes you on stargazing dating on the shellraiser. And nighttime rides through the city.

Jealousy is not directed at his brothers, can’t be. But Casey? He will, 100%

First to notice you’re getting sick.

Calls you out and like Leo, he’s also one to make sure you don’t do anything you’re supposed to.

But unlike Leo he isn’t by your side he just makes sure you take all your meds, etc. He repeats facts to you about.

You said ‘I love you’ first to him.

But it can go the other way where he says ‘I love you’ first.

Sometimes things go a little fast then immediately slow down because he’s nervous.

But he’s very thankful that he can call you his lab partner.

Michelangelo ->

In away he tries to show off too, in a way he makes you things, in a way he just he’s his regular old goofy self we all love.

Skateboarding tricks done, even the hardest ones to learn. Mikey tries to come up with a skateboard trick to name after you even if it already exists you don’t say anything.

Will (attempt) making you anything you want to eat.

Especially your favorite foods!

Oh and if you have a dish from your culture that is your childhood favorite. You teach him it and it’ll be one of the things he remembers by heart.

He tells and comes up with jokes just for you. Laughing at them because he saves his funniest ones for you.

He does not see himself being different or weird. He’s just unapologetically Mikey and we love him for that. Calls out his brothers on it but them just being the brothers they are and gang up on him bout it.

Finds out what jokes you like and tells those like 99% of the time.

Really affectionate but like he’s always like that.

He would totally make you both costumes of your favorite show, yes I imagine he a very good designer with the right materials.

Idk much in what to add besides Mikey is literally just himself (except x10).

The frequent cuddler, yall cuddle just about anywhere and everywhere.

It’s just been accepted that 99% of the time if you aren’t on his brothers time then you and Mikey are cuddling.

Very excitable and loves hearing about your day.

Very creative dates, arts and crafts, he’ll cook something and play it as a fancy restaurant (he absolutely does it when his brothers ask because he enjoys it.) You both probably go on walks around the sewer and graffiti things! or he graffiti’s things while you watch.

Pulls pranks on you lovingly, just cause you’re dating doesn’t mean he won’t.

Oh but you both absolutely pull pranks on his brothers though.

Just be ready to run and hide.

He likes gifting you art pieces.

Likes herring what his brothers do for you! Gives him ideas that he can make in to his own.

For better or for worse.

Doesn’t like when your sick, gets worried but brings you things to try and cheer you up. You appreciate the laughs and giggles.

He says ‘I love you’ first.

You both go at a comfortable pace just doing what yall do, hugging, kissing (which he loves pecking your face btw,) etc.

He says you’re the best partner ever, and he means it.

[everettswritings]

Hi! :) II read your fics but when I tried to reach you out for a fic, your requests were closed, so I've been thinking of a fic of Lee! Pure vanilla cookie and ler! Shadow milk cookie. Can you do this fic? TYSM!

Hello! I can gladly do just that. Also, beware of the spoilers for Beast Yeast episode 7! (Kink/NSFW accounts DNI!)

Atop the Spire of Deceit, Pure Vanilla Cookie was at his knees on the floor. His whole life had been just a lie? He was nothing more than a puppet to Shadow Milk Cookie? That can’t be right! Unfortunately, though, it was and it was hard to understand let alone process. The jester laughed to himself, finding a twinge of amusement in what was tragedy for his opposite.

“Oh, lighten up, ‘Nilla!” He said, getting down to the other cookie’s level, “Everything about this world is nothing more than an elaborate web of lies! What’s so different about this one, hm?”. Pure Vanilla Cookie put his face in his hands, sinking further onto the cold tile floor. Shadow Milk Cookie scoffed, but their gaze had the tiniest sliver of sympathy, “Seriously? THAT’S all I get outta you!? Come on, you’re acting like a child!” They joined Pure Vanilla Cookie on the floor “Yeah, it hurts, big whoop! But that’s reality for ya, my boy! Cookies lie, cookies destroy, they’re apathetic, they’re lazy, they zip up shut when you ask them to do better, that’s reality.”. That wasn’t getting anywhere, either. Sure, the Beast was right about that, the world would always be packed with cookies that made it no better, but is it always good to think about? Should one really let themselves get caught up in that “elaborate web of lies”?

There was a beat of silence, spare a couple irritated noises from Shadow Milk Cookie. Seriously! Where’s the drama? Where’s the big, explosive reaction? Miseries and tragedies are by far the least comedic genres! All he saw whenever he looked back at the little hero was just… nothing. But also, maybe sometime locked deep away in distant memories, Shadow Milk Cookie felt the same way once upon a time. Even when he was the Fount of Knowledge, it wasn’t easy; cookies turned away from him to believe their little lies, they would even tell those lies to his face, and at one point it felt like his whole existence was a lie. Oh, curse you, emotions! Always getting in the way of the funnies! The jester stood up once more and started to nudge at Pure Vanilla Cookie with his foot, like when you try to move a stubborn house pet out of the way.

“Come on! Do something!” They jeered, continuing with nudging. Finally… there was something! Pure Vanilla Cookie let out a small laugh and reflexively tried to move away. Shadow Milk Cookie found themself grinning again “Oh? What’s so funny, my boy?”, nudge, nudge. Pure Vanilla Cookie laughed again and actually moved. They continued this little game of cat and mouse for a minute, at least it was something!

“Stop it.” Pure Vanilla Cookie finally said, his voice just the tiniest bit lighter, “I’m not in the mood.”. “Not in the mood for what?” Shadow Milk Cookie asked, getting back down on the floor, “Don’t tell me that tickled!”. The beast could see Pure Vanilla Cookie tensing up a little bit and grinned, this was about to get far more fun! “Don’t worry, I’m not gonna play too rough!” He giggled, pouncing on the other cookie and immediately scribbling all over his sides. Pure Vanilla Cookie was caught off guard; “Pa- Phahahahaha! Hahahahaha! Hahaha- s-stop! Quit it!” He laughed, trying to move away from his adversary(to no success). “Maybe not the exact reaction I wanted, but I’ll take what I can get!” The jester sung as Pure Vanilla Cookie kept laughing, “Don’t- hahahaha! Hahahahaha!” He tried to protest “Hahahaha! Hahaha!” He gave up pretty shortly, he was already overcome by the giggles. Shadow Milk Cookie’s grin turned up even wider and started shifting between spots, finding a nice path to travel; first he would climb all the way up Mount Tummy, go through the Great Rib Maze, explore Cave Armpits, and then slide all the way back down to the Side Foothills to start again! It was a game in a way, one that was fun for him but not for Pure Vanilla Cookie. Oh, and of course he had to announce every move!

“Look out, avalanche!” The jester exclaimed, dragging their nimble fingers all the way back down to Pure Vanilla Cookie’s sides. The hero’s voice cracked uncharacteristically, “HahahaHAHAHAA!”, it sounded like a bird that just got the wind knocked out of it. “Ugh, lost again! Maybe I need to retrace my steps?” They said, tracing through the path they had already gone over in the maze. Pure Vanilla Cookie felt like he was losing it! He was wheezing, his voice kept cracking, and this was the hardest he had ever laughed in years! Though, funnily enough, it actually didn’t feel that bad. Sure, his lungs were burning higher than a volcano and his throat was beginning to feel a little dry, but for once he couldn’t think of anything- much less the world-shattering revelation from earlier. Even still, it’s not like he could get much of a word in right now. Shadow Milk Cookie’s hands finally paused, “Aw, don’t tell me you’re already done playing! You look like you’re about to start crying.” They pouted. Pure Vanilla Cookie nodded. “Okay, okay! I’m not going to give you such an undignified end… yet.” They finally got off and let Pure Vanilla Cookie breathe, which he gratefully did.

“Y’know, I may be evil, but I’m not ALL that bad!” Shadow Milk Cookie said after letting the old man catch his breath, of course, “Sure, all of your life was a lie that I constructed… but I didn’t completely ruin it. I let you have some laughs like what I just demonstrated, didn’t I?”. Pure Vanilla Cookie shook his head, but honestly that reminder didn’t hurt as much as it would’ve earlier, a part of his newfound truth felt lighter- like it had really set him free. Besides, that little spark of sympathy didn’t go unnoticed! Truth and deceit are two sides of the same coin, but honestly they weren’t really so different- just not in the way one would think. It isn’t just because one can’t exist without the other, but also because together they were knowledge.

And that’s the end! Thanks for the request and thanks for reading. I seriously needed something like this after yesterday, if you know you know. Have a good one and please stay safe 🫶

[hungermakesmonsters]

Catch Me If You Can

Chapter Fourteen

Plot summary : When your friend interviews for a position at Anvil, you have a chance encounter with Billy Russo. He takes you for coffee and, by the time you’re done, Billy decides he’s anything but done with you.

Pairing : Billy Russo x Reader

Story Rating : R 

Chapter Rating : R - very smutty (it gets messy)

Warnings : [This is a fic for 18+ only, minors DNI] This chapter contains very vague mentions of Billy's assault by Arthur other than that, it just gets dirty. Please check the warnings on each chapter if you choose to follow this story. 

Word Count : ~5.1k

A/N : This is set over a period of three weeks and I wrote a lot of it over the holidays while drinking wine which is the excuse I'm using for the smut being extra smutty. Also it's Billy's birthday! I know I say this every time, but thanks for reading!

CHAPTER ONE | CHAPTER TWO | CHAPTER THREE | CHAPTER FOUR | CHAPTER FIVE | CHAPTER SIX | CHAPTER SEVEN | CHAPTER EIGHT | CHAPTER NINE | CHAPTER TEN | CHAPTER ELEVEN | CHAPTER TWELVE | CHAPTER THIRTEEN

Chapter Fourteen

You woke pressed back against Billy, his arms holding you tight against his chest. He’d been so exhausted the night before that you didn’t want to wake him, but you needed to get ready for work and you were sure he’d be needed at Anvil. Turning in his arms, you placed a hand on his cheek, lightly caressing his face with your thumb until he started to stir. The moment his eyes opened and he realised where he was, his lips pulled into a gentle smile.

“Hey,” he muttered, voice guff and sleepy.

“How did you sleep?” Thumb still tenderly brushing his cheek.

“Better than I have in years,” he answered, but still looked like he needed a few more hours. “What time is it?”

“Seven-thirty; I’ve gotta get up for work,” you yawned. “D’you want waffles?”

Billy didn’t answer. Instead his arms tightened around you, keeping you against him, his eyes shutting. “Five more minutes.”

There was something unbelievably soft about him in that moment, something cute, and you couldn’t deny him. It was strange to think that this was only the third time you’d woken up beside him because, already, you were certain you didn’t want to go back to waking up without him. With a soft sigh, you snuggled closer and closed your eyes, indulging him for  five more minutes.

As promised, you made waffles and a pot of coffee, and enjoyed a little more time with him before you had to leave for work. You didn’t make plans to see him again, but Billy barely managed to make it to midday before texting to ask if he could stay over again that night, bribing you with promises of takeout. And, of course, you said yes. 

It quickly became a regular thing; Billy coming round after work, eating together (sometimes take out, sometimes you’d cook), then you’d sit in front of the TV, enjoying each other's company before curling up in bed together.

You shared so many sweet moments and got to know each other - Billy even tried to explain baseball to you. (You didn’t have the heart to tell him that you still didn’t understand at the end, but you loved listening to him talk.)

“Did you ever play?” You asked, trying to picture a younger Billy in a baseball uniform, all cute rosy cheeks and devious smiles.

“Kinda - we used to play stickball since no one had a real bat,” he explained, “got to play at school though.”

“Yeah? Were you any good?”

“I used to think maybe I’d get a scholarship and go on to play in the majors,” he grinned, but the smile didn’t quite reach his eyes, and there was a sadness in his words you didn’t understand.

“Why didn’t you?”

“I, uh - I got hurt.”

“You shoulder?” You guessed, thinking back on all the times you’d seen him twitch and shift, remembering the scar you’d never asked about. Billy winced at your realisation.

“Yeah,” he let out a sigh, “when I was about ten, maybe eleven, there was this guy who used to volunteer at the group home; used to play stickball and hoops with us, we all thought he was so cool...”

He fell silent for a second or two, but it seemed to last a lifetime. Dread coiled in your stomach and, even though you had no idea what he was going to say, you were preparing yourself for the worst.

“When he called me pretty I knew something was wrong. I wasn’t interested in the games he wanted to play,” his gaze drifted away from you, “I swung at him with the stickball bat - got him pretty good a couple of times too. Prick paid me back by breaking my arm and tearing my rotator cuff...”

Before he’d even finished, your arms were around him, holding him tight. Your heart felt like it was shattering but in all that sadness, there was something else; rage. You wanted to hurt the piece of shit who’d dared lay a hand on Billy. You wanted to kill him.

“It’s okay, sweetheart,” he murmured, pressing a kiss to your forehead and holding you just as tight. “I’m fine now.”

You didn’t say anything else about it - you didn’t know what you could say. So, instead, you just spent the rest of the night holding him tight, sad but happy that he’d trusted you enough to tell you.

As the days ticked by, you had more little moments with Billy, slowly getting to know each other, both revealing things you might have otherwise kept to yourself.

While watching a movie together, he noticed your gaze dropping uncomfortably as the lead character started to shed her clothes and your fingers started to pull at your sleeve. He didn’t say anything at first but, a couple of hours later you found his fingers around your wrist, his finger tracing the edge of your sleeve. When you looked up, you found an uncertain look on his face.

“What?” You asked, not sure you wanted an answer.

“I just -” he let out a slow exhale, thinking before continuing, “- I want you to know you never have to hide your scars from me. I know you don’t like people seeing them, but I want you to know that there isn’t a single part of you that I don’t think is perfect.”

“I don’t feel perfect,” but you weren’t prepared to have that conversation just yet, “but, thank you, Billy.”

“Scars don’t make you who you are, sweetheart.” He answered softly, kissing your cheek with a softness you didn’t know he was capable of.

It started to feel like you were getting an intensive crash course in all things Billy Russo and by the end of the second week, you were practically living together; he stayed every night, save the nights Tammy returned to the apartment. He took to taking things slowly better than you thought he would, but there were still some awkward mornings.

About a week in, you woke to find that his hand had slipped into your pyjama bottoms in his sleep, his fingers between your folds, coated in your arousal. His hard cock pressed against your ass. Half-asleep, you squirmed, trying to pull away, only to make the situation worse. His hold on you tightened, hips starting to grind against you from behind. You almost gave in as his fingers started to move.

“Billy,” you grumbled, pulling his hand from between your thighs, leaving you achingly unfulfilled.

He stirred behind you and quickly rolled away, muttering an apology as he left your room, no doubt heading for the bathroom. You tried to call after, to tell him it was okay, but he was gone before you could get the words out.

Fifteen minutes passed before he returned and, rather than getting back into bed, he sat on the edge of the bed, dropping his head into his hands. You gave him a moment before moving, kneeling behind him and wrapping your arms around him, not wanting him to feel bad about it. 

“Come back to bed,” you muttered, pressing your lips to his bad shoulder, and pulling him until he finally relented.

“I’m sorry,” he sighed as you settled beside him again, resting your head on his chest so you could listen to the beating of his heart.

“You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“I was dreaming about you,” he confessed, causing your heart to stutter in your chest.

“I’m sorry,” you offered a moment later, “I know taking things slowly can’t be easy for you.”

“It’s not,” your stomach dropped, “but it’s worth it. You’re worth it.” 

He pressed a kiss to the top of your head and held you tight, the both of you soon falling asleep again. It happened a few more times over the following days; you’d catch him sneaking out to the bathroom, boxers uncomfortably tented. And, every time it happened, you found yourself reaching for your vibrator the moment that he’d left for the day, your own frustrations slowly getting the better of you.

But it felt like you were getting somewhere, like the thing between you was becoming something real, something that meant something. 

Everything came to a head around Billy’s birthday - which, you hadn’t even realised was his birthday at the time. One day, around the three week mark, he turned up earlier than usual.

“Frank sent me home,” he explained, sounding annoyed as he kicked off his boots and hung up his coat.

“How come?” 

“He’s got this stupid thing about people working on their birthdays,” he sighed, taking himself to the sofa and sitting down while you stood speechless, staring at him in confusion.

“It’s your birthday?” You were mortified - you hadn’t known, you hadn’t prepared. You hadn’t even gotten him so much as a card. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I don’t really celebrate my birthday,” he shrugged, “don’t worry about it.”

It made sense, you supposed, growing up the way he had, birthdays probably hadn’t been a big deal for him like they had been for you. But that didn’t mean that it shouldn’t be a big deal now, that you shouldn’t at least try to do something for him.

You came up with a plan, something silly and small, something you hoped Billy would appreciate. But, in true Tammy fashion, she had to throw a spanner in the works, deciding that she needed the apartment the following night so she could catch up with her friends, meaning she would be inviting people like Michelle around to get drunk. 

Reluctantly, you asked Billy if you could stay at the penthouse. It was the first time you’d been back since the day you’d walked out on him and, despite all the time you’d spent with him since then, it scared you, you felt like you had less control in his space instead of your own. But it was the only option if you wanted to do something for his birthday.

Billy arranged for the doorman, Marvin, to let you into the penthouse before he got home, giving you time to set up your surprise. It was silly, really, just some balloons and a birthday cake to eat after the dinner you were going to cook for him. After setting up - getting all the food in the oven, putting some candles on the table, and tying the balloons to the backs of the chairs - you changed into a dark red dress and put up your hair, pulling it out of your face.

Then came the awkward waiting as the minutes ticked by, flitting between excitement and worry with every passing minute. What if he didn’t like it?

By the time the elevator opened, the whole penthouse smelled like roasted meat and vegetables, and Billy looked - well, he looked tired. And confused.

“What’s going on?” He asked as you moved to meet him, smoothing out your dress before helping him out of his coat.  The confusion on his face deepened when he noticed the balloons.

“I know you said you don’t really celebrate your birthday,” your voice broke and your gaze dropped, anxiety clawing beneath your ribs, “it just - it didn’t seem right not to do anything, and I thought -”

“You did all this for me?”

You looked up to find the sweetest, softest smile on his lips, the sort of smile that was so rare your chest ached at the sight.

“It’s just some food and balloons,” you shrugged.

“It’s perfect,” the smile stayed firmly on his lips as he cleared the distance between you, wrapping you in his arms and kissing you.

Melting against him you completely surrendered to the kiss, to Billy. It had been so long since he’d kissed you like that, with a barely contained want that set your heart racing. You felt his fingers tangle in the fabric of your dress and, when he finally pulled back, you caught that familiar look in his eyes; he was barely holding himself back.

His dark gaze held yours, flickering and sparking with desire as you bit your lip, knowing you should pull away. But you didn’t want to. He wet his lips before leaning slowly, lips so close to yours when -

You almost jumped out of your skin as the alarm on your phone started to sound.

Billy snapped back to the moment too, letting go of your dress and taking an awkward half-step back. But, for a second longer, you held his gaze, heart still pounding, longing for what could have been.

“I should -” you started, awkwardly clearing your throat, shaking your head, “- dinner is almost ready.”

“Right,” he answered, staying exactly where he was, his hand twitching at his side, desperate to reach for you again, “I’ll go get cleaned up.”

“Right,” you forced a breath, lingering a moment more before turning and heading back to the kitchen.

Over dinner you made small talk, asking about his day, listening as he vaguely explained some of the on-going issues with Anvil. Apparently the security issue was still driving Frank crazy and, in turn, he had been stressing Billy out over it.

Once you were done eating (and after you’d sung happy birthday to Billy and made him blow out the candles on his cake) you ended up on the sofa, pressed against Billy’s side with his arm wrapped around you, watching a movie that you quickly lost interest in. After an hour or so, you lifted your head to look at him, finding him staring at you.

“What?” you asked quietly, nervously. 

“You’re amazing,” he muttered softly, pressing his lips to your forehead in such a tender way that it made your heart skip a beat. “Thank you, for all of this.”

“You don’t have to thank me,” you answered, pressing closer, lifting your head, “you deserve it.” 

Without warning, you kissed him, knowing that there was only so much your words could say. You were gentle at first, Billy let you set the pace, let you press closer and closer, let your tongue softly brush against his own while you climbed onto his lap. He let you make all of the first moves, only speeding up when you did, waiting until you put your hands on him before he finally touched you.

One hand tangled in your hair, ruining the updo, while the other found your bare thigh beneath your dress, his touch sparking your arousal and causing a familiar heat between your thighs. You lost yourself to the moment, to him, knowing that this time there was no alarm waiting to disturb you. Your hips began to move, slowly at first but soon turning desperate, soft moans spilling from your lips once you felt the press of his erection against you.

“Billy -” you gasped against his lips, pleading for more, for all the things you couldn’t put into words.

“Are you sure?” He’d only ask once, and once you said yes there would be no going back to the calm safety of the last three weeks. He gave your hair a gentle tug, forcing you to look at him, letting him see the lust and want in your eyes when you finally answered.

“I need you,” you begged, still grinding against the hard outline of his cock, “please.”

He didn’t answer - he didn’t have to. He just kissed you fiercely, possessively, while the hand on your thigh moved upwards.

“Fuck, sweetheart, you’re soaked,” he all but growled against your lips as his fingers started to touch you through wet lace. You keened, desperate and eager for his touch. “What got you so wet?”

“You, Billy.”

He grinned, rewarding you by slipping his fingers into your panties, running his thick digits through your arousal, coating them in it before, finally, sinking two into you. You cried out, your fingers gripping his shoulders as he started to fuck you with them, reminding you just what you’d been missing out on. And, once he started to work his thumb over your clit, you were a goner.

You’d have been embarrassed about coming so fast if it wasn’t for his shit-eating grin and the fact you needed to get him out of his clothes. But the moment you started to pull at his shirt, he took hold of your wrists, restraining you while he kissed you. 

“Not here, I need you in my bed,” he told you in a low, breathless voice, sounding barely in control of himself.

You lost yourself in the blur that followed; Billy carrying you to the bedroom, pulling off each other’s clothes, and eventually finding yourself thrown back onto his bed, your legs open as he knelt between them. Your gaze dropped to his cock standing thick and hard; it was enough to make your mouth water.

“Not yet,” he told you, reading your mind. Lifting your leg, he started to trail kisses down your thigh, causing you to squirm in anticipation, hips lifting as he sank down. “So fucking wet and needy.”

The only answer you gave was a moan when you felt his tongue start to run through your arousal in long, slow strokes. He lapped at your dripping slit, groaning against you, reacquainting himself with your pussy before turning his attention to your clit. Your whole body shook, fingers threading through his hair and holding him close as he started to devour you. You came against his lips, crying his name and begging him for more.

Trembling, you knew Billy was only just getting started; you’d already come twice but you were longing to know what came next.

He moved up your body, lips and fingers reacquainting himself with every inch of you, until his hips were slotted between your thighs and you felt the familiar nudge of his cock at your entrance. But, instead of filling you, Billy paused.

His hesitation was palpable as he took a slow breath and pressed his forehead to yours, eyes closed tight.

“I don’t think I can be gentle,” he admitted, and your breath caught. 

“Then don’t be,” you whispered, “fuck me, Billy. You won’t break me.” reaching down, you took his cock in hand and started to tease the tip through your wet folds. “I want you to fuck me.”

His fingers gripped your hip and, finally, his cock slowly began to slip inside you. After  weeks of just your vibrator, having Billy inside you again was overwhelming, his impressive size stretching you like it was the first time all over again, and the two orgasms you’d already had left you feeling overstimulated. Squirming beneath him, you drew your thighs to his hips, desperate to take every inch of him. Once he bottomed out, he stilled breathing heavily.

When he didn’t move, you let out a whine and started to rock your hips, so close to coming now he was inside you again.

“Stop,” he gasped, “you’re gonna make me come too quick.”

It broke you to know he was barely holding on, that you could have that effect on him. You bit your lips as you stared up at the beautiful man on top of you, fingers running through his hair before you coaxed him down and into a slow kiss, giving him the time he needed.

When he finally started to move, he took things slowly, giving you both something you hadn’t even realised you needed. You felt every inch, every throb and twitch, you felt just how deep inside you he could reach. Everything was Billy and nothing else existed.

Each slow but purposeful thrust of his cock filled you in a way no one else ever had or would. And, when he lifted himself to kneel between your legs, changing the angle so you could feel the ridge of his shaft rubbing that special spot inside you, you couldn’t hold back.

“Fuck, Billy, I’m so close,” you gasped.

“Come for me, sweetheart,” he told you in a barely contained voice, not asking but telling.

And you did, crying out as your body submitted to him without hesitation, back arching off the bed. The look on his face turned possessive, dominant, and that should have scared you - it should have scared you how easily you’d done what he wanted, how easily you’d given yourself to him. But it didn’t. It felt so good to not overthink, to just let him take control and bring you pleasure. You kept moaning his name, writhing beneath him as he continued to lay claim to you.

“I love how wet you get after coming, just listen,” he all but growled, hips finally picking up the pace. At any other time you would have been mortified by the sounds your body was making as he drove his cock into you but, now, you only wanted more. “Only thing that sounds better is the way you moan when I come inside you.”

You’d missed his filthy mouth, missed the way it made you feel to hear all his dirtiest thoughts while he fucked you.

“I haven’t come since the last time I was inside you,” he confessed in a breathless grunt, still pounding his cock into you in a way that made your eyes roll back in your head. He’d waited four weeks for this, for you. (So he hadn’t been jerking off all those mornings, he’d been waiting it out.)

“Please, Billy -” you begged mindlessly, pleading with him, every fibre of your being needing, wanting. 

“You want me to come, sweetheart?”

“Yes!” His cock hitting just the right spot, causing your legs to tremble and your back to arch.

“You want me to fill your needy little pussy with cum?” He grit out, obviously getting close to breaking point.

“Please -” you continued to beg with a desperation that surprised both of you, walls clenching around him, trying to fight off your own end.

“Say it.” He demanded in a sudden, dominant tone that sent a thrill through your whole body and left you unable and unwilling to deny him. 

“Fill me with cum, Billy” you cried out without hesitation, “please - please -”

You kept begging desperately beneath him until you felt his cock twitch inside you. You cried out as you shattered, your inner walls violently convulsing around him as he continued to fuck you, spilling himself in the deepest parts of you.

Another cry tore from your lips as he hit that sensitive spot inside of you. Overwhelmed and overstimulated, you felt a sudden gush of wetness between your thighs, causing your whole body to quake. 

“Fuck, sweetheart, yes,” Billy groaned, pulling at your leg so he could hit that same spot over and over again, still pounding into your as he emptied himself, his fingers frantically rubbing your clit. You felt another gush before your vision started to blur. It felt like it was never going to end, like he was going to keep you in your moment of pleasure forever. His name was the only word you could form and, when he looked at you, you both knew the truth; you were his in every way.

By the time he was done, you were a trembling, panting mess beneath him. He stayed inside you, the last of his orgasm petering away to nothing, while you struggled to keep your eyes open.

Staring down at you, he groaned at the fucked-out expression on your face.

“You did so good,” he muttered softly, leaning to press his lips to your forehead, his hand tenderly cupping your cheek. “I always wondered what it’d take to fuck your brains out.”

At any other time you would have made a joke, told him that your brains were still exactly where they were meant to be, but you were too exhausted, your body still trembling. All you could do was let out a soft whine and that did something to Billy.

“It’s ok, I’ve got you,” he murmured tenderly, thumb softly caressing your cheek.

Kissing you softly, his tongue swept along the seam of your lips until you opened for him, giving him what he wanted, knowing there was nothing you’d deny him in that moment (or, perhaps, ever again). You moaned into his mouth, letting him kiss you as he softened inside you.

“I’m gonna pull out now, sweetheart,” he told you softly, despite the grin on his lips, “it might be messy, you made me come so hard.”

Another moan stole from your lips, your eyes closing tight as he slipped from your body, trying not to think about the wet mess he’d left between your thighs. When you dared to look, he was standing at the foot of the bed, staring down at you. Despite your embarrassment, you didn’t have the strength to close your legs.

“You look so perfect like this,” he muttered, softly placing a hand on your still-trembling thigh. A spark of thrill ran through you, loving the way he was looking at you, like you were the most perfect thing in the world to him. “Don’t worry, sweetheart, I’m gonna take such good care of you. You just stay right there.”

Your eyes closed as he disappeared into the bathroom, the sound of running water soon following. He soon returned to the bedroom to scoop you off the bed, holding you tight as he carried you into the bathroom and climbed into the tub with you, sitting behind you as he lowered you into the running water.

“Tell me if it gets too hot,” he whispered softly, pulling your hair away from your neck so he could kiss along your shoulder.

Snuggling against him, you felt yourself drifting off as the hot, bubbly water continued to rise around you. His arms wrapped around you possessively, and you’d never been happier than you were in that moment.

“Thank you, Billy,” you murmured, half-asleep.

“What for?”

“For waiting for me.”

He let out a gentle sigh. “You don’t have to thank me for that, sweetheart. You’re worth every second,” pressing his lips to your neck as he spoke. “Anyway, I should be thanking you; this was the best birthday party I’ve ever had.”

You smiled softly, quickly drifting off, not rousing again until you felt Billy gently washing you, soaping your arms and shoulders.

“Did I fall asleep?”

“Yeah, sweetheart, you did.” You didn’t have to see his face to know he was smiling. “You must’ve exhausted yourself; you put on quite a show.”

“I’ve never -” you didn’t even have the words for whatever that in bed had been, but you felt your cheeks start to warm with embarrassment, “- I mean, not like that...”

“Did you like it?” He asked, hands running over the scars on your arms, washing away the bubbles.

Giving a soft hum, you thought about it for a second. “It was intense - everything always feels more intense with you.” Then, awkwardly, after a moment's pause, you dared to ask; “did you like it - me doing... that.”

You weren’t used to candid conversations about sex, not like Billy - before him you’d always been told what you wanted, what you enjoyed, and how you were supposed to feel about it. But, with Billy, he always listened, he always gave you what you wanted, what you liked.

“I like everything you do in bed, sweetheart,” he answered, still sounding like he was smiling, like he was happy. “But, yeah, I really liked it. I’d love to do that to you again.”

Your breath caught just at the thought, allowing yourself to think about how different everything suddenly felt now that you’d taken the time to get to know each other. It meant something now - what, you weren’t sure, but as your head shifted on his chest and you heard his racing heart, you were certain Billy felt it too.

When the water started to cool, Billy pulled the plug before gently lifting you out of the tub and sitting you on the edge. He wrapped a towel around himself before starting to dry you. Every touch was  meticulous but gentle and, for reasons you didn’t entirely understand, you found yourself blinking back tears.

“Sweetheart, what’s wrong?” He asked, finally noticing when you tried to wipe your eyes with your hand.

“No one’s ever looked after me like you do,” you sniffled, not sure why you were suddenly overcome with emotion.

He wiped your tears away with the towel before pulling his robe from the back of the door and wrapping you up in it. His arms wrapped around you and he held you tight while you fought back the urge to cry. After everything you’d been through with him, it was impossible not to feel vulnerable.

“I’ll always look after you,” he promised as he lifted you up, “nothing’s ever gonna change that.”

Billy quickly whisked you back into the bedroom and sat you down in the armchair by the window while he stripped the messy bedding and replaced it with fresh linen. Then, before you knew it, you were deposited back in his bed while Billy dimmed the lights and turned on the TV before snuggling up with you.

You watched TV and dozed in his arms for the next couple of hours, until he finally turned off the lights so you could both sleep. You laid facing him, nose to nose, letting out a gentle sigh. when, without warning, he nudged your legs apart and you felt the ridge of his hard cock between your folds again.

With slow movements of his hips he teased himself against you until your arousal started to wet his cock. You mewled softly, too exhausted to do much of anything beyond what your body was already doing of its own accord. His hand soon slipped between you, directing his erection to your slickened slit.

“Billy -” you moaned as you felt his tip start to nudge its way into you, “I don’t think I can...”

He shushed you softly. “It’s okay, sweetheart, I just want to fall asleep inside of you. I’ll be gentle, I promise.”

When you didn’t object further, you felt his cock start to slowly fill you. A soft moan spilled from you but it was quickly swallowed by his lips as he kissed you gently, tenderly. And, once he was buried inside of you, his arms held you tight against his chest.

“Mine,” Billy whispered, pressing one last sweet kiss to your lips.

And you were.

You were completely Billy’s now. You just weren’t sure how to tell him…

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

END NOTES : I didn't mean for this to get so long but I didn't want to break it up. I liked playing around with them actually learning a bit about each other and functioning like a normal couple for a while. I have a bonus Christmas thing that I wanted to post earlier, but it wouldn't have worked with where the story was, so I'm probably going to be posting that on Sunday - you don't have to read it to keep up with the story though (it's just a bit of smutty xmas fun).

Anyway, as always, thank you so much for reading this, it's really great to see how many of you come by week after week and I really appreciate every single one of you!!

If you want adding/removing from the tag list let me know (I know it's not working for everyone - if it's not working and you don't want to miss a chapter, I post pretty much every friday, though there will be a bonus chapter going up on sunday)

TAG LIST

@lincerad @sweetserendipity65 @rafaelakelley @slayerofthevampire @rensolodriver @lovelydoveval @doloreschanal @damagelove @danzer8705 @unlikelystarlightcowboy @schlotzshewrote @bisexualbith @uncontainedsmiles @fireeyes-on-teller-dixon-grimes @lilliesofmay @billyrussoslut @readingabouthim

[gumisgirlfriend]

CHAPTER 3:: COMMITMENT

PAIRING:: fem!reader x college au stoner megumi fushiguro

SUMMARY:: against your better judgement, you go to megumi's apartment alone, and he opens up to you.

C/W:: no nsfw content, but MINORS DNI or you get blocked! weed usage. reader is #hopelessromantic coded A/N:: *shoves this into your hands* for you, pookie :3

The moment replays again in your head.

“Let me show you what a real good high feels like sometime.”

“…. What?” you muttered, dumbfounded. “What is that supposed to mean?” You cock your head at him curiously.

Megumi stared at you blankly, raising an eyebrow. “Are you trying to be cute right now?” he grumbles. You shake your head frantically.

“N-No, I just don’t understand—“

He interrupted you with an exasperated sigh, “My place, tomorrow. Be ready by 6:30. Got it?”

“S-Sure?”

The memory makes you stuff your face back into your pillow. What kind of an answer even was that? You sit back up, checking the time to see it’s early in the morning, and Maki still hasn’t returned yet. Out of excitement, your first instinct is to text Maki and Nobara, and tell them about it, but on second thought, it’s probably not too great of an idea, and you remember the last thing Megumi said to you before you got out of the car.

“Just don’t tell the others ‘bout it, kay?

You toss the covers off yourself, stomping as you get up to go to the bathroom. You can’t help but worry about a possible ulterior motive. I mean, everything about him tells you to run away. He smokes, has a beat up car, dirty apartment, and Nobara clearly doesn’t approve of you going after him. Hell, his best friend Yuji is even in a fraternity, but you owe him, and he offered a way to repay him. You ponder it over as you aggressively splash your face with cold water.

Suddenly, your front door opens, and Maki peeks into your shared bathroom. “There you are. You feeling alright?” she asks, her brows knitting with concern.

“Yeah, I think I just had too much last night.” you mutter, drying off your face with a towel.

“It happens. Happened to ‘Gumi once too, back when we were sophomores.” She says with a chuckle, grabbing her toothbrush from the mirror compartment. You flinch from the sound of something toppling over from outside the bathroom.

“Who’s here?”

“Just Yuji and Nobara. Megumi kicked us out cause he has a shift at the campus library. Last time we were left alone at his apartment, Yuji ransacked his fridge.”

You chuckle lightly, “Makes sense.”

Every little detail you find out about Megumi only makes your curiosity pique. You consider heading to the library just to catch a glimpse of him, but then you realize you’re also starting to sound like a stalker. Your phone buzzes in the back of your pocket and you whip it out haphazardly.

“Got a favorite kind of food?”

A giddy smile spreads across your cheeks as you read it.

“sour gummy worms!!! :)” you type back.

You receive another notification, “Okay”

You roll your eyes. Maybe he’s just not fond of texting..

“We’re probably going to head to the library to get some studying out of the way, you wanna come?” Maki asks, toothbrush still hanging from her mouth as she pours herself some mouthwash.

“No thanks. I have a class in twenty minutes.” You say while you slip on a pair of sneakers. As much as you’d like to go give him a visit, it would probably spoil your excitement for later.

Maki nudges you in the rib, “Seems like Megumi has taken a liking to you. That doesn’t happen often.”

Your cheeks fill with heat, “You really think so?” you say hesitantly, chewing on your bottom lip.

Your dorm mate shrugs, “I mean, yeah. It’s weird though. I never thought that you’d be his type.”

You raise your brow confusedly, “.. What is that supposed to mean?” you ask.

Maki sets a reassuring hand on your shoulder. “Don’t take this the wrong way..” she says, “But.. you’re sort of a goody-two-shoes.”

Your smile melts into a frown, “Is that.. a bad thing?” you ask awkwardly.

She sighs deeply, “Forget about it. Just be careful with him. He’s not exactly the.. committal type.” She pats you lightly on the back before leaving you in the bathroom with your thoughts.

Your mouth sets in a hard line, and for a second, you’re starting to regret your decision.

Of course, you spent extra time getting ready today to look as good as possible. Two hours, in fact. Today you chose to wear a cute backless top, and shorts, regardless of the freezing weather. You snatch your purse and check the time. “Only 6:25..” you mutter. “Might as well.” You head outside to wait, but you spot a familiar, beat up car in the corner of the parking lot, and an even more familiar face leaning against it.

“How long have you been waiting here?” you ask sweetly, Megumi’s gaze rising from his phone.

He shrugs, “Just got here, actually.” he says, holding the car door open for you before you slip inside. He sits down beside you in the drivers seat, grabbing a bag of sour gummy worms out from the console. Your eyes light up as he drops it in your lap.

“Oh! Thank you.” You say with a wide smile as you tear open the bag, stuffing a few into your mouth.

He nods, “Save some for later. You’re probably gonna be hungry.” You nod back, smiling all giddy like a happy child as you stuff your face with sour gummy worms.

“Want one?” you ask, muffled from your cheeks stuffed with gummy worms. He waves you off, and you put on an exaggerated frown.

His gaze flickers from you back to the road, “Fine. I’ll take one.” Megumi mutters, rolling his eyes. You gladly hand him one and he pops it into his mouth. His face contorts, “Way too sweet.” he comments, shaking his head.

“I think somethings wrong with your tastebuds.” you say with a small grin, crossing your legs.

“I think somethings wrong with you.” he says nonchalantly.

You pout at him, “Hey! That's not very nice..” you reply, tossing a gummy worm at him.

His typically neutral expression shifts into a slight smile. “I’m just kidding. I’m glad you like them. Didn’t know which ones I should get..”

After a couple minutes of silence, besides the sound of the radio, you interrupt, “So.. why do you feel the need to do this?” you ask, fumbling with the bag of gummy worms in your lap.

Megumi’s gaze flickers back to you for a split second, “Don’t have a reason. Just wanted to.” He clears his throat, sitting up a bit straighter. His fingers tap on the edge of the steering wheel to the beat of the radio as you turn the next corner.

You sit comfortably on Megumi’s cold leather couch, shivering. Oddly enough, you swear his apartment looks a lot cleaner than before..

“Do you not have a heater or something?” you mutter, your teeth chattering. You didn’t expect it to be so cold.

Megumi shakes his head. He pulls off his hoodie over his head, and you catch a glimpse of his V line as the shirt underneath lifts up. He tosses it in your direction. “Take that. There’s a blanket under the coffee table, too.” he replies gruffly as he opens the fridge.

These few minutes of silence with him feels.. comfortable. You don’t feel like you have to force yourself to speak, or scan your mind for any possible topics to bring up. You just sit there idly, a faint smile on your face, tracing shapes on the leather couch while you wait for him to return. He comes back to the couch shortly with a plate of brownies.

“Brownies?” you utter with confusion, pulling his sweatshirt over your head. It smells of lavender, cologne, and sweat. An oddly comforting scent. You relax on the couch as you wrap the blankets around your freezing legs.

“Yeah. They’re edible brownies. Made them myself.” he says with confidence, setting the plate down on the coffee table.

Your mouth hangs open for a few seconds with admiration, “Really? Thats.. cool.” You smile earnestly as he plops down beside you.

He raises his eyebrows, “Yeah, I guess.” he says quietly, cutting off a small piece for you.

“Hey! Why do I get such a small piece?” you ask, flicking him on the arm playfully.

“Cause you’re still new to this, idiot. And I wanted to make them strong enough for me, too.” He holds the piece out for you, and you hesitantly pop it in your mouth.

You raise your eyebrows as you ponder the taste, “Mm, tastes funky..” you say as you chew it up. You can’t quite put your finger on it, but it doesn’t taste bad necessarily.

Megumi snorts, “Yeah, there’s weed in it, idiot.” he says with a grin, before taking a bite out of the whole brownie, and you swear that’s the first time you’ve seen him smile in front of you genuinely.

You shake your head, “What happened to the nice guy who saved me at the party?” you tease with faux disappointment, wrapping yourself in the blanket.

Megumi scoffs, “He’s sitting right front of you.” Megumi kicks his legs up on coffee table, stretching out comfortably. He holds the plate of brownies in his lap, popping another in his mouth. His fingers tap idly on the edge of the plate, “These will probably take a while to kick in, so..” He grabs a tv remote from his coffee table compartment, along with two gaming controllers. He tosses one into your lap, “You any good at Mario Kart?”

“I think I can feel it now..” You whisper, slowly turning your gaze to him as an unfamiliar heat pulses throughout your body.

Megumi narrows his eyes, “Why are you whispering?” he asks, sneaking a quick glance at you before turning back to his phone.

You pause for a minute, before sputtering out; “I-I don’t know..”

He laughs, “Yeah, you’re definitely high right now.” he says with a shy smile, setting his phone down beside him. “Feels better than yesterday?”

You nod and your mouth uncontrollably curves into a cheesy smile. “Yeah. Feels good.” you giggle out, hiding the lower half of your face in the blanket. You curl up, holding your knees to your chest.

He nods back, “Good,” he mutters softly. “I felt bad about last night. As much as I like those guys.. they tend to be even a bit much for me, sometimes.” he says, fidgeting with the hem of his t-shirt. For the first time, you really take in his appearance. His blue eyes, long eyelashes, and messy hair. He’s gorgeous, really. You wonder how you’re even breathing the same air right now, or even in the same room. A slight blush creeps up his neck, “You okay?” he asks nervously. You realize you’ve probably been staring at him for at least 30 seconds.

You feel a flutter in your stomach, similar to when you had first met. “Sorry. Spaced out.” you say with an awkward smile, clasping your hands together in your lap. Finally, your intoxication gives you the courage to ask what you’ve been wondering. “So.. question.” you ask hesitantly.

He quirks his brow, “Ask.”

You lean your hand into your palm, “What happened between you and Nobara?” you ask. He responds with a deep sigh, that leads you to guess it didn't go over well. Maybe it was too personal a question. "S-Sorry, you don't have to answer. I don't know why I asked that, really-" you stammer, before he interrupts you. "Its fine. I assumed she'd probably tell you eventually." he says lowly, massaging the back of his neck. "Its.. difficult to explain." "I'll listen." you say with a small smile, nodding understandingly. Megumi leans his head back, staring at the ceiling as if he's trying to recall the relationship. "It was nothing to do with Nobara. I just don't like relationships." he says bluntly, combing a hand through his raven hair. "The commitment it requires. The energy, the time." You bite your lip as you listen to his every word, each one driving you further to disappointment. "Its hard to see myself with someone for the rest of my life." You avert your gaze, "Yeah, I understand what you mean." you say with a forced smile. Realistically, you don't understand it at all. You had dreamed for so long to have a partner. Someone to treat you right, make you feel loved and cared for, and right when you think you've found a possible contender, you get your heart crushed. He curls a lock of his hair around his finger, fidgeting with it. "Maybe that'll change, though. I don't really know yet." He shifts his gaze back to you, lips pressed into a line. "Anyways, enough about me." He sits on his side, facing you. "Tell me more about you." Of course, high out of your mind, you spill every little detail about yourself that comes to mind, including nearly your whole life story, but the whole time he just.. sits there and listens. Never interrupting, unless to ask a clarifying question. He nods attentively, watching you explain your life up until this very moment, sometimes even a faint smile tugging at his lips. Eventually you realize the sun has set outside, you can barely see him with the dim light of the Mario Kart game paused mid-game on the TV screen, and you've completely forgotten about your gummy worms. Your eyes start to drift closed every few seconds involuntarily, before snapping awake again. Eventually, he drifts off to sleep too, his legs intertwining with yours beneath the blanket as you both rest, and you dream of your black-haired savior over and over again.

— TAGLIST :: @diogodxlot

* ˚ ✦ CHAPTER 1 :: black-haired angel: you get invited by your best friend nobara to your first college sorority party, and after being harassed by a college student, a black-haired stranger swoops in to your rescue.

* ˚ ✦ CHAPTER 2 :: green out: after being invited to your first smoke sesh with your friends, you green out, and megumi helps you out once again.

[ghostbeam]

empty til she fills | fuyumi todoroki x reader

You’re beautiful, really. It’s truly no wonder why they chose you for the job, every line and curve and fold. They’ll never be able to capture you the way you really are. Nothing compares to the real thing.

Her eyes gaze over your neck, down your chest, over your stomach, your thighs. That familiar hunger sits in Fuyumi’s stomach, aches in her jaw. She wants to bite you everywhere that she can, really make you bleed. But Fuyumi doesn’t feed from anything but animals, and it’s not like you’d satisfy her hunger anyway. She’s given up on that feeling a long time ago.

Notes: Hiiiii everyone!!! This is the first installment of vampire empire and it’s all about fuyumi!!! It’s much shorter than I thought, but when it was done it was done u know? I love her I think she should be allowed to go apeshit and drink blood and not hold back if she wants to!!!!!!! Let her fuck!!!!!! Anyways yeah thanks for reading!! (title from vampire empire by big thief) u can listen to the playlist for the whole anthology here! Also I made a Pinterest board!

Warnings: 18+, minors dni, f! reader, explicit content, dark content, angst for like the briefest moment, violence, vampires, detailed descriptions of blood and gore (on both reader and another person), murder (u kill someone! It’s offscreen tho), blood kink, biting, drinking blood (fuyumi drinks from reader, u both drink from the dead man), biting and drinking from already open wounds, fingering, oral (reader eats fuyumi out!!! Yay!!!) (bloody), bloody sex, reader is sort of a masochist, soooo many commas, a line completely stolen from fascination (1979) cause I had to ajsjsjsjs, perspective changes between u and fuyumi like a lot idk I’m sorry she spoke to me<3

words: 4.3k

Fuyumi has always been a little unsure of what to do with her hands. When she sits, when she walks, when she kisses, while she waits. Where does she put them? Where do they go?

It’s the same, squeezing porcelain clay through her fingers, molding and shaping and running a wire through the middle and cursing when it doesn’t topple over. She’s bad with her hands, but she loves it, lumpy mugs and all. 

And her mugs are lumpy, most of them break in the kiln, but whatever she’s proud of, she sends to her brothers. 

She’s never been much of an artist, and all the years she’s lived (many, many years), none of it ever interested her. But when you’ve done everything, there’s no harm in trying. And so even though her pots and bowls end up twisted and misshapen on the wheel, she tries and tries until they’re at least a little bit useful.

The truth is that there, in the studio, surrounded by people who do all the same things that she does, mess up and try again, break things when they don’t turn out, or smash fragile wet clay held together by careful hands, Fuyumi feels human. She makes mistakes. She screws up. It’s something she’s never been allowed to do before. 

Plus, you’re there. 

The anatomy class pays you to model. Sometimes, she sees you run around in your long robe, buying snacks from the vending machines or remembering something you left in your car. She’s completely enamored with you, with your humanity, how free you seem. She’s envious, in a way, but really she just likes you, wants you—wants to bite you. Which is dangerous for Fuyumi because she stopped feeding from humans ages ago. 

You collide on a Saturday night, left alone in the studio, separated by one wall. Fuyumi works late because she doesn’t sleep, and one of the owners of the building had given her a set of keys to lock up when she leaves. When she opens the door to the pottery studio, you’re out in the hallway, slapping your palm against the door next door and murmuring soft no’s as you peak through the glass. You have half a mind to just bust the thing down, except now you’re not alone in the hallway. 

Fuyumi. The pretty vampire with streaks of scarlet through her ivory hair, cute glasses perched on her nose, and hands you think about way more often than you should steps out of the pottery studio. You’ve caught her staring at you before, and you can’t tell if it’s because she knows of the similar condition you have in common, or if she’s as interested in you as you are in her. 

You both pause, caught staring at one another. The only thing on Fuyumi’s mind is that you’re probably completely naked under your robe. 

“I—um, got locked out.” You say, finally, blowing air you have no need for out of your throat like a breath. It must be nerves. “My clothes are in there. My everything is in there.”

“Oh!” She shakes her head free of the thoughts of your bare body. Then a realization, “I have a key!”

You move out of her way and let her unlock the door, jiggling the key in the lock and pushing it open. You grin, press your hands into her shoulders and let out a squeal of delight. “Thank you!”

“Yeah, no problem.” She speaks, willing herself not to melt at the feeling of your fingers digging into her flesh for a moment. She turns to leave, satisfied with the interaction, enough to hold her over for a lifetime, maybe. Your hands on her shoulders, your robe against your skin, your neck. 

“Fuyumi!” You call, and she feels like maybe she’s dreaming, or maybe she’s hearing things. But when she turns around, you’re looking at her expectantly. “Would you wait for me? I don’t really wanna walk to my car alone at night.”

It’s a good excuse, you think. Fuyumi’s got that bleeding heart (or lack of one). She won’t leave you alone. 

“‘Course! Yeah, I’ve gotta lock the front, anyways, so—yeah, I’ll wait.” She nods, stepping back into the room and letting the door fall shut behind her. She watches you untie you’re robe at the middle, and she spins on her heel, facing the door again. She hears you chuckle, and it makes her feel a little silly. You’re naked for, like, four hours every day. It’s not like you would care if she watched. 

But Fuyumi cares, because she doesn’t want to see you naked for the first time like that. She doesn’t want to see you naked and know she won’t be able to touch you. 

“Okay, you can turn around, now.” You speak now that you’re dressed. She turns and you walk toward her, locking elbows. She leads you outside, locks the door with your hand against her arm like she’s yours, and walks you to your car. 

“Guess I’ll see you next week.” She tells you, pulling away from you to walk to her bike. You call her name and it’s deja vu.

“Do you want to go get coffee?” You ask, stopping Fuyumi in her tracks yet again. She turns.

“It’s eleven o’clock at night.” Fuyumi says like an idiot. 

“I just—I wanna keep…hanging out.” You say, and well, so does Fuyumi. Of course, she does. “Your bike’ll fit in the trunk. I’ll drive you home after.”

So, she says yes, stuffs her bike into your trunk with the back seats folded down, and ducks into your car. 

You drive like a maniac, and you listen to your music way too loud, and Fuyumi hopes she doesn’t look as terrified as she feels despite knowing she can’t die in a car accident. But you can, she thinks, so yea, she’s terrified. And you drive like this all the time?

But you both make it in one piece, skirting into the parking lot of a diner with a yellowing neon sign out front. Everyone knows you inside, greeting you with happy smiles and asking you questions about your life, details Fuyumi hopes to know after tonight. 

You take her to a booth in the corner, sliding in next to her instead of across, thighs pressed up against each other as a waitress brings you both a mug of hot coffee. You order apple pie with ice cream, and Fuyumi envies the fact that you’re even able to eat it. Since becoming a vampire, she’s lost any appetite for anything that isn’t blood. 

“So, when were you turned?” You speak, licking vanilla ice cream off the back of your spoon, head resting on you fist as you stare at her. If Fuyumi had a working heart it would be beating out of her chest right now. “I don’t think you’re all that old. You actually seem pretty young. Tell me, maybe in the mid nineties, early two-thousands?”

Fuyumi opens then closes her mouth, unsure of what to say. How could you have possibly known (besides the fact that you got the decade way off)?

“I was turned in ’87 by an old boyfriend who couldn’t control himself.” You shrug, revealing the information like you hadn’t just told her that you, the little human she’s been so fascinated by lately, are a vampire. 

“You’re a vampire.” She says—a statement—not a question, because of course, you’re a vampire. 

“You didn’t know?” You ask, softer. She shakes her head, stares at the booth in front of her. She feels your fingers underneath her chin, and she’s not sure how she never noticed it before, but you’re hands are freezing. She lets you guide her to look at you. “Hey, are you okay? Did I freak you out?”

And it’s not that you’re a vampire. It’s not even that you’re a vampire that she was convinced was human. It’s that she wanted to bite you, wanted to feel that pop and gush, drink from you what’s not actually even being pumped through your body anymore, blood that’s lying dormant in your veins. And the thing is, she still wants to. 

“I think I’m just shocked.” She speaks, willing herself to calm down, accept the situation, adapt. “I haven’t met another one of us here in town. It’s new, but it’s…good. I’m actually a little excited about it.”

“You don’t sound excited.” You observe, letting your hand fall to her thigh. 

“I am—no really. I am.” She grins, leaning toward you. “How come you can eat real food?”

You think maybe she still hasn’t processed everything yet, the smile on her face a little unnerving. And there’s something in her eyes, raw, dangerous, hungry. It makes you shiver. “I never lost the appetite.”

“It tastes good to you?” 

“So good.” You nod, unknowingly moving a little closer. Two girls pressed up against each other in a booth in a dark corner. Two vampires. Two monsters. 

You’re there later than either of you expected to be, fingers intertwined, hands brushing away stray hairs, and words whispered against ears, tucking your face into her neck when you laugh at something inappropriate. 

When you leave, Fuyumi tugs on your hand, interlocks two fingers as you walk to your car. You drive just as bad, but she doesn’t think she minds it this time. To die by your side, and all that. 

When you drop her off at home, you scribble your number on her wrist with a green glitter gel pen and resist the urge to do something drastic like kiss her or invite yourself in. 

Fuyumi realizes she’s left her bike in your trunk, her only mode of transportation to the studio besides walking. She eyes the green glitter on her skin and opens her phone. 

left my bike in ur car:/ pick me up to go to the studio tmrrw? Read 2:22am

be there at 10 sent 2:24am

u can sit in on my class sent 2:25am

…

She does sit in on your class the next morning. You hold her hand and show her where to sit, a view of both the artist’s sketches of you and the actual you draped over a couch. It’s probably inappropriate to sit there all horny in the middle of this art class, but you won’t stop looking at her. You know exactly what your doing, mimicking the rise and fall of your chest like you’re breathing when she knows you’re not. 

You’re beautiful, really. It’s truly no wonder why they chose you for the job, every line and curve and fold. They’ll never be able to capture you the way you really are. Nothing compares to the real thing.

Her eyes gaze over your neck, down your chest, over your stomach, your thighs. That familiar hunger sits in Fuyumi’s stomach, aches in her jaw. She wants to bite you everywhere that she can, really make you bleed. But Fuyumi doesn’t feed from anything but animals, and it’s not like you’d satisfy her hunger anyway. She’s given up on that feeling a long time ago.

When the class ends, Fuyumi leaves to make more misshapen mugs, taking a few out of the kiln she thinks she’ll give to you. As the sun sets, both of you get ready to leave, and you’re at the door to the pottery studio by the time Fuyumi is done cleaning her space. You’re a little disappointed you missed watching her on the wheel, her pretty hands shaping the clay like you’ve seen her do many times before. You knock on the door frame, and she looks up at you, grins. Her hair is tied up, pieces of hair falling over her face, her cardigan falling down and exposing her right shoulder. You can’t get over how pretty she is, a little messy.

“Hi.” You speak.

“Hey. You ready?” She asks, throwing her bag over her shoulder and walking towards you. You always want to watch her walk towards you—never away.

“I’m ready.” You nod, intertwining your fingers with hers when she makes her way towards you. You drive Fuyumi to your house, your arm over the console and your hand on her thigh. 

Your place is small, really just big enough for you. The walls are a mauve color that Fuyumi decides she likes, tiny star shaped twinkle lights hang over each window instead of curtains, a bundle of violets stuffed inside a beer bottle sit on your coffee table, books and dvd’s and records all stacked against one another with what seems to be no sense of organization in your bookcases. It’s really not much for a vampire.

She sets her tote bag carefully on the counter, red and white checkered, pulling two of her signature misshapen mugs from inside. One painted blue with tiny yellow stars and the other lined with terribly drawn strawberries. 

“These are for you.” She tells you, turning to face you as you’re bent over your stereo, looking for a station you like. Bits from the past stick with you like a refrigerator magnet. Fuyumi wants to remember the look on your face when you turn around and see her gift for the rest of her life. 

“I love them!” You gush, rushing over to pick both of them up. “They’re perfect. One for me, and one for you. We’ll drink blood from them with our pinkies up and cheers to LeFanu.”

Fuyumi laughs, says nothing about the blood. “I’m glad you like them.”

You turn around, opening one of your cabinets open with a finger, setting the mugs down on the counter and moving two snoopy holiday mugs on one shelf towards the back. You set the gift down in their place and wave a hand over it like your presenting them on a gameshow, “I’ve replaced the snoopy mugs with them. That’s a big deal, you know.”

“I’m honored.” Fuyumi grins, moving around the counter to stand near you. 

“You should be.” You lean a little closer to her, let her hand brush against your hip, hook her fingers in your belt loops. You nudge your nose against hers, and she takes that as a sign to kiss you. 

Chapped lips meet yours, hungrier than you expected, much less soft than the girl before you. There’s a burning in your gut, her hands, those hands you’ve payed so much attention to, pressing into your hips, pulling you flush against her front. You let out a moan when she swipes her tongue against your lip, your bodies pressing closer and closer like you’ll become one person. She moves her leg in between your thighs, pressed up against you, and your mouth falls open in a gasp, one she wastes no time taking advantage of, all tongue and teeth, all her, her, her. 

The two of you end up on your couch, unable to make it to the bed. If you had to wait any longer, you think maybe you’d both explode. She eats you out, there in your living room, makes you come three times in a row, familiar hungry eyes never stray from your own. 

…

She doesn’t talk about the vampire thing. Ever. She goes quiet when you bring it up, busying herself with something else like washing the dishes in your sink or trying to find something to watch on tv. You mostly let it go because you know Fuyumi. You know how fascinated she is by humans, how she envies them, how that envy and fascination is the very reason you’re together now. 

And maybe it should hurt you, the fact that believing you were human was the one reason she’d been so interested. But you know her, bleeding unbeating heart and all, she loves you. She loves you and your monster, she just doesn’t love her’s.

It’s difficult to drag the body through your house alone, vampire strength being something you hadn’t been blessed with once you’d turned all those years ago. Fuyumi sent you a message that she’d be at the studio late and would probably just end up going home instead of coming over. You figure you have time to drain this guy of all he’s worth, pack him up into little tupperwares in your fridge and be done with him by morning. 

You’ve done this a million times before, dragged a body out to your back yard, fed from it until your satisfied before saving the rest. It’s enough to last you a couple of weeks. It’s a good system. 

You don’t hear the sliding door open, you just hear Fuyumi say your name. You look up at her, blood on your mouth, your neck, your hands, fangs poking out underneath your top lip. You’re sure you look terrifying, but it’s the look on her face that scares you. 

It’s disgust, and betrayal, and anger. It’s tears welling up in her pretty, gray eyes and her mouth falling open and closed at the sight of you. 

But Fuyumi, well, Fuyumi wants to join you. It’s taking everything in her not to fall to her knees and sink her teeth into the neck of this possibly innocent man. She wants to drink and kiss you, and drink, and touch you, and then drink some more, this time from your neck. But Fuyumi doesn’t kill for blood, and she thought that neither did you. 

“I can’t believe you.” Her words are quiet. If you both hadn’t been outside on a completely silent night, you don’t think you would have even heard her. 

“Fuyumi…” You begin, standing up from where you’d previously crouched down, blood on your hands falling against the concrete in sticky splatters. She takes a step back like she’s scared of you. 

“You killed him.”

“Fuyumi,” another step.

“Stay there.” You stop. It’s not supposed to be like this. She’s supposed to love you. She does love you. You have to tell yourself that. 

“I’m a vampire. What did you expect? This is who we are.” You try to explain. 

“It’s not—it’s not who I am.” She shakes her head, flashes of red appear behind her eyes, the teeth of her brothers, her hands covered in blood the same way yours are now. Laughing, hollering, arms tangled together, the last time they’d all been with each other, the last time they were happy. 

“It is. It is who you are. Fuyumi, you’re starving.” Your words seem to do something to her, her mouth falls closed. A decision is made, and her feet take her closer and closer to you and the body on the floor. 

She wraps her hand around the back of your neck, thumbs through the blood you’re covered in and kisses you. She licks the blood on your lips, moaning from either your tongue or taste, you’re unsure. You pull her close, blood smearing against her white t-shirt. She pulls away from your lips, kissing your jaw and your neck, poking her tongue out to lick up the mess. You place your hands on her cheeks, pulling her back to look at you. 

“Come here.” You whisper, pulling her down as you crouch to the ground. “I want you to drink—I want to share.”

She lets you pull her down, taking your hand in hers, slippery, slick. You move away from his neck, leaving it open for her, urging her. This is what she wants. There’s something about drinking from your bite in the man’s neck. You’ve been here, you’re bite is her bite is her blood. 

And, god, is it delicious. She drinks, lets it fall down her throat in large gulps, dripping down her chin and neck. A sound escapes her throat, guttural, everything she’s deprived herself of having, here in between her teeth. She watches you while she drinks, eyes looking up through white lashes, reaching a hand out to hold you by the wrist, grounded. She pulls away, heaving, even though she has no need for breath. Her lips, saturated in red, begging to be tasted.

“You’re beautiful like that,” You speak, squeezing her hand, “with his blood on your mouth.”

She kisses you, all tongue, her fangs catching on your bottom lip. She pulls away and pushes you down, lets you bite the other side of the dead man’s neck, pets your hair as you drink. It goes on like this for a while, kissing, drinking, touching, whispers of please and oh, god and both of your names over and over until you’re a jumbled mess of words and sounds and blood and guts. 

You stumble, half naked through the door, Fuyumi’s hands and lips all over you. You don’t make it to the bed, a habit the two of you have seemed to form, falling down on the hardwood, limbs all tangled. With her shirt already discarded outside, you thumb the hooks of her bra open, throwing it to the side. Blood has dripped from her throat down between the valley of her breasts, and you lick it up, feeling her back arch as she hovers above you. 

She kisses your neck, almost frantic. Her fangs brush against your skin like she might sink into you, but she doesn’t, just kisses you so sweetly. 

“Can I bite you, please?” She moans. “I need to—I’ve wanted to—”

“Yes.” You interrupt her, throwing your head back against the floor and baring your neck to her. She wastes no time sinking her fangs into your flesh, blood pouring into her mouth. Coppery and sweet, a hint of licorice and cherry—Fuyumi thinks she can’t get enough. You gasp, hands grabbing at her waist, fingers digging into her sides enough to leave a mark. You’ve never felt pain like this, all agony and bliss. 

She smiles at you, bloody, when she pulls away. A part of you is her’s now, nestled between her ribs, living in her stomach. You taste yourself on her lips, hands pulling at her jeans, your leg moving between her thighs to grind against her cunt. 

You flip her onto her back, sucking on her neck, venturing down her body. You pull her jeans from her legs, along with her underwear, spreading her legs. She’s so wet, thighs sticky with arousal as you run a finger through her folds. A whine escapes her lips as you thumb over her clit. With your eyes on her, you press your tongue to her entrance, watching how her face contorts in pleasure. It reminds you of the way she’d stared at you while drinking from the man, hand clutched to your wrist, not once daring to look away, With one hand, you reach up to do the same, bloody fingers circling her wrist as you devour her. 

She writhes, arching her back and grinding against your face, a mess of slick and blood pooling in your mouth as you bring her closer and closer to orgasm. 

“Please!” She cries, “please! Oh my god!”

Her moans only spur you on as you speed up the movement of your tongue, squeezing her wrist as you let her move her hips against your mouth. She comes with a strangled cry of your name, legs shaking around your head, falling limp against the floor as you lick at her swollen clit. You pull away, rising from your place in between her thighs to hover over her.

“Like that?” You ask her, placing soft kisses against her jaw. She manages a soft mhm before moving her face to kiss you.You run your hands up and down the sides of her body, “so pretty…”

“Let me touch you.” She begs, pushing herself up onto her elbows. You nod, letting her maneuver you so you’re on your back again. She kisses you again, swirling her tongue against yours, tasting herself. In a way, part of her is yours now, too.

She slips her hand into your underwear, gasping at the feeling of how wet you are. You take the opportunity to lick into her mouth, moaning against her lips as she slips two fingers inside of you. She pulls away from your mouth and eyes the open wound on your neck. You lock eyes with her, nodding in approval, allowing her to bite you again. 

She bites and curls her fingers inside you at the same time. A choked scream escapes your throat at both sensations. You move your hips as she pumps her fingers in and out of you, her throat bobbing with each drink she takes from you. It’s overwhelming, and so satisfying, being the consumed for a change. 

Her thumb brushes over your clit and you jolt, gripping her waist as she brings you closer to the edge. 

“Kiss me!” You cry, “Fuyumi!” 

She pulls away from your neck, watching how the blood flows from the wound, continuing her movements against your pussy. You pull her down to kiss you as you come from her fingers. You’re both moaning against each other, passing your blood between your tongues. She pulls her hand from between your legs, stares at the pink-tinted slick and how it webs between her fingers before wrapping her lips around her fingers and sucking them clean off. 

She smiles down at you, hair a mess, glasses-less as they’d fallen off much earlier. You press your palms against her cheeks, admiring her. This Fuyumi is hungry, and bloody, and the furthest thing from human. You love her like this. You’ll be her’s forever, if she’ll have you. 

You pull her into the shower with you, washing the blood from her hair and her back, taking turns and watching the blood swirl down the drain. She cleans the wound on your neck, and places a bandage over it, though you know it’ll be healed by morning. You place her glasses back onto her face. The two of you fall into bed, finally, arms and legs tangled together, huddled closely. She rubs over the bandage on your neck. 

“Next time, I wanna bite you, okay?” You ask, nudging your nose against her. She lets out a laugh you’re excited to hear for the rest of your immortal life and nods. 

“I can’t wait.”

[dragongirltongue]

New Pinned post <3

Hi there, the name is Zelda, or one of like, 20 other names that may or may not be listed somewhere around here. If you know a name I go by that isn't findable here don't use it. <3

I'm bigender which is made up of girl and fem6oy, as such I use she/her and sometimes he/him pronouns when I'm feeling fem6oy enough <3

I'm in my 30s, not getting more specific than that until I decide it's not true enough to change it, don't try to find my exact age as I don't like sharing that information publicly, I don't even update it on my birthday <3

I'm a polyamorous bisexual voraphile freak and if you're over 18 you're welcome to talk to me about how much of a freak I am. I love to flirt and encourage it. Also happy to share my Other Blog with anyone interested, again as long as you're of age. <3

I'm a film graduate and currently working on doing something with that experience as well as working on a superhero comic and a 2D zelda style game. Feel free to bug me about any of those I love to discuss writing and media and want to encourage media literacy. <3

I'm also an ex-jehovahs witness and as a result I'm hugely into the holiday season in a very against my old god kinda way. Also big into sinning <3

Also I'm like, a dragon in probably an otherkin/thetadelta kinda way, like, it's core to who I am and how I understand myself so yeah. Despite this my fursona is a fox, the dragon in my icon is literally me <3

I also draw sometimes and when I do it'll be posted to @dragongirldrawings but always reblogged here too.

Also I'm a member of a plural system, feel free to check out the rest of the system over here @haven-sys <3

Further on the identity weirdness I'm an imaginary friend for the person who used to inhabit this body, they've been gone for like, over 20 years so it's not really relevant but I have started embracing my nature as a fictional creation, it's comforting.

Btw, if one of my posts containing my typing quirk ends up on your dash I take no responsibility for it. I use it in posts that are for me only and if they happen to resonate with others that's their choice to reblog.

I had intended to set tipping up on my blog for a while but adhd caused me to never get around to it sooo, homebrew tip button on my original posts. Feel free and outright encouraged to steal this idea <3

So yeah that's me, hiii I love you all <3

this post is specifically a6out tum6lr user Zelda dragongirltongue [tip]

DNI list under the read more.

lmao imagine if I actually made one of those finally, that's how you'd know I've been replaced with an evil clone or something.

That being said if you're looking at my blog to send me an ask or dm about what someone gets off to please understand unless they're actively hurting someone I rly don't care. I have a lot of ignored and blocked anons about this.

This goes double if the person you're trying to alert me to is trans femme, we don't play that game here, especially given that I know I've been targetted for things as simple as engaging in vore the wrong way for some people or whatever.

Like, I just want to make it clear I rly don't give a fuck what another adult does in the bedroom, I rly don't care if the bedroom happens to include their blog and I rly don't care if they like to flirt about it with other adults on this website.

Also if your pinned post is a callout for anyone about anything it's likely to set off my paranoia around you, which is to say I will not be able to trust you if this is the case even if it's for someone who's actually a danger to a community, like, actively.

Like, this ain't a moral stance or anything, it's a mental health thing. I see that you want to make your first point of contact into a crosshair on someone else I'm gonna be scared you're gonna aim at me next even if it's completely reasonable that you'd never find anything objectionable with me. It scares me and I'm gonna spend every interaction walking on egg shells around you cos what if you're digging for dirt, like, I got no way of knowing.

Anyway as the opening joke implies I don't see any worth in having a list of things to not interact with me over cos the lived experience on this planet is so full of nuance and I've formed deem friendships with people who'd probably have avoided me if I had a DNI and they cared about it.

I think DNIs are dumb but this feels like a space to talk about some general limits on what I'm gonna put up with on this website. I'm just here for a good time with other freaks, anything else is optional. If you want to drag me into your discourse at this point then I guess this is whre I ask you to Do Not Interact. To anyone else, I love yall <3

If you've been directed here after sending an ask my way please apologize for wasting my time [here]

tl;dr DNIs are dumb but don't drag me into your personal grievances with others.

this post is still specifically a6out tum6lr user Zelda dragongirltongue [tip]

[swapswapconfessions]

alright first let's get some things straight. RULES FOR ANY CONFESSIONS YOU POST:

1

You can choose to have them be public or anonymous.

2

No weird/nsfw like confessions. tho I disabled images anyway so don't try anything. if you try detailing sexual stuff as text it'll be removed.

3

Try not to be a jerk. that's it. don't get overly defensive and shit or find ways to insult or attack people. this is supposed to be a silly lil confession blog for fun and from what I've seen from a certain other one some people there really don't have their priorities in check.

4

I DID NOT MAKE SWAPSWAP or any of the aus that may be mentioned.

5

you can talk about aus like tripleswapdust too for example or quadswapinsanity (made up examples but they're probably real. ok I'm pretty sure I've seen a tripleswap dust before.) but yeah you can talk about more than just tripleswap quadswap 5× swap 6× swap etc. I may even expand the aus you can talk about beyond just swap stack aus. who knows.

6

NO PROSHIPPING OR WEIRD STUFF.

my DNI list I made will serve as a great example of what's allowed and what's not allowed

https://docs.google.com/document/u/0/d/1_r1XGfNsgwXXJAqKvA6OK7dRFapjM3TzUHNxvIR_AFM/mobilebasic?pli=1 and yes this dni was originally made for twitter. back when I had a account on there I made this doc. honestly I should have put no cannibalism in that doc to make sure people like that never followed me lol.

7

you can promote yourself and whatever as long as it's not fucked up or anything.

8

You can go off topic sometimes a tad bit just don't do it often remember what this blog is about.

9

no threatening to do anything to people. that's just fucked up.

10

No spamming. you can a little and depending on the reason you could continue but remember other people wanna post stuff here too possibly. so ask me for the best way to handle things.

11

don't come here to be completely miserable post some things you like about certain topics once in a while. it does not have to be often but still.

12

I may use this blog for odd uses sometimes so beware. sometimes I may use it for things not related to anybody making confessions.

Also my activity has no specific time I don't know how to explain it. sometimes I may be gone the entire day sometimes I'll be there to the end mostly

also if you wanna alert me or others of something series even if it's completely not swapswap related I'll make a exception by talking about it.

and as someone who used to engage in this behavior don't tell people what swapswap is and what it's not. unless you're referring to canon.

I personally think it's NOT related to undertale for example even tho many could make the argument that it is because people have different interpretations of how that'd work. and yes when I "explain" swapswap it'll be my perspective on the concept.

but it's still a explanation even if it is not some explanation that makes all the other ones false. because swapswap has many interpretations.

also because I know some think it is undertale related I'll be putting tags related to undertale and it's multiverse in this so expect stuff like me tagging the names of characters like frisk from undertale.

https://bsky.app/profile/punyboi.bsky.social/post/3lc2rgmq2nk22

this thread explains everything about my interpretation of it while also being mainly just to introduce people to a bluesky feed I made for fans of swapswap and swap stack aus etc.

also the thread also explains swap stack aus but it does not explain everything as that'd be me just saying almost exactly the same things I said about swapswap and how it works so you should be able to guess what swap stack aus are by this point once you read that thread.

and yes it's long and links to many things that are also long and even if they're not when combined can be a lot to read but hay if you read it all you'll understand swapswap.

also napstatton is the name of napstablook in underswap and mettablook is the name of mettaton in underswap. (tho mettablook is fanmade meanwhile napstatton is canon I think.)

Oh and pfp and banner will currently be filled by a sprite of swapswap sans made by flambeworm370 I think. I would have chosen other pfps but I feel like that for reasons this was the best choice.

Even if that means I have to look at a cursed as fuck sprite of swapswap sans with undertale sans' pants (ya know. me disliking having undertale being associated with UT and all.) the sprites cool tho.

also I'm testing the waters and this blog mighttttttt disappear forever if things get too awful. so again try to be well behaved alright?.

alright.

anyway dumb minor who runs this account out. I'm bored.

oh and this was inspired by @/utdrmv-confession-box oh and this blog is still in development right now.

[kenziexoxoxo]

The boys toys

I do not own the picture

READ AT YOUR OWN RISK MINORS DNI

Warnings: I need to have some shame with what is running through my head as I write this that is your warning

Y/n was something different than a WAG or a grid girl she was the grid toy. Now you might ask yourself what the fuck is a grid toy she is their little pet that like to fuck. Only a couple drivers fuck her on the regular: Sebastian Vettel, Mark Webber, Michael Schumacher, Fernando Alonso, Lewis Hamilton, Nico Rosberg, and Jenson Button. All of them are addicted to ruining her tight cunt. It all started off with her agreeing to be Seb's fuck buddy. Which turned into Mark walking in on them which then turned into Mark also fucking her and Mark spilling the beans to Fernando who then told Jenson who then told Lewis who then told Nico who then told Michael. It was innocent at first whenever one had a bad race or one of them won (which was every damn race) their prize would be her. There wasn't a weekend that Seb or Lewis or even JB didn't win. Summer break was apon them and they didn't want to let their toy go so they made a custody agreement of sorts Seb would have her one week while Michael got her the next week for the 112 days between them evenly.

Sebastian's week:

Sebastian was sometimes a rough lover but he always made sure to take care of Y/n. His weeks usually consisted of ploughing into you till you could barely think. "ja, du fickst so, meine gute kleine Schlampe" (yeah you fucking like that my good little slut). He'd whisper in your ear as he pounded into you from behind his hips snapping into yours reaching the perfect places.

Nico Rosberg:

Nico is more chill like to have Y/n cock warm a lot he thinks it's cute to have you sit naked in his lap with his cock shoved up in you as he talks to his father on the phone. "Yeah no dad I'm not that busy I can talk." Nico said into his phone as he fucked up into you to tease you, you knew better than to moan and let Keke hear you. "I mean cmon dad of course I've got some pretty girl I've been screwing lately it's me." He'd say arrogantly and to be a brat you'd tighten your walls around him making him muffle a moan.

Michael Schumacher:

Mike lobes to just have you walk around naked no clothes necessary he likes to take you as times as he can in a day. "ficken, bücken, Prinzessin." (Fuck bend over princess). He'd whisper in your ear as he'd rip his boxers off once you were bent he'd slam into you and fuck you dumb

Mark Webber:

Mark was something else he'd rather his head be between your thighs than anything else. "Mark cmon baby we have to go." You'd say giggling trying to get him out from between your legs after pushing up your dress to eat you out for the umpteenth time that day. He'd grunt at you and go back to his work.

Lewis Hamilton:

Lewis was ironically kinda vanilla in bed he loves to stare into your eyes as you cum undone. "Let me see those pretty eyes baby girl." He'd say as he slowly thrusted into you your eyes had gone half lidded from orgasm number 4 the man has some stamina.

Jenson Button:

Oh JB loves to have you on your knees throat raw from him face fucking you. He'd hold your hair in a make shift ponytail as he'd have a vibrator going hard inside you. "Such a good girl cum for me princess fuck yes." His head would fall back as you'd moan around his cock your arousal leaking onto the hard wood floor.

Fernando Alonso:

Fernando or nando was definitely Spanish in the bedroom there was no denying that. "Joder, sí, mi chica se corre en mis dedos." (Fuck yes my girl cum on my fingers). He loved to have his fingers deep inside you having you scream papi till your voice was gone.

Hope you enjoyed I need to start having some shame. @schumi-angel here is another with your man

[stxrrgirlz]

🌙 ❜ ─ Live

Authors note. I love you all so much thanks for 200. Seriously insane. This isn’t what I normally post group wise but I still hope you like it!

Ot5. x Reader ( separately )

Wc. 1.0k

» txt as cam boys

Warnings. Tell me if I miss anything. Flesh light use. Sub kai. Recorded. Humping. Pet names. Dirty talk. Yeonjun edging himself. Mommy kink. Dildo usage. Overstimulation. Begging

MINORS DNI 18+

Not proof read

Genre. Smut

TUMBLR IS BASED ON REBLOGS. PLEASE REBLOG MY WORK ❤️

★ Yeonjun

Definitely teases the viewers. The comments praising him for how big he is boosts his ego more than it should.

Mostly uses his hands doesn’t really like toys, but will occasionally use a flesh light when he’s been feeling a little more needy than usual.

Doesn’t have a streaming schedule. Does it whenever he feels like it. Mostly does it for his own pleasure so, sometimes he will disappear for weeks until he’s needy again.

First got popular because of how interactive he was with the comments. Always replying with an ego driven response like “ want me to keep going? Be a good girl for me and wait until I’m finished”

Definitely edges himself. Will start of slow, eventually speeding up before slowing down again just to deny himself. Doesn’t do it for the audience rather more for himself.

However even though he’s not streaming a lot he is able to make an living off of it. He might seem like he doesn’t care a lot be he’s actually great full.

Sometimes he’ll post videos and it’ll end right before he gets to release. Comments often begging for the full video.

Streams usually last 30 minutes to an hour. Sometimes he’ll stay after and chat, but not a lot. He’s also faceless so no one knows what he actually looks like, definitely teased a face reveal a couple of times but never went through with it.

★ Soobin

Most definitely a soft dom when it comes to interacting with the stream. Definitely very popular. Streams regularly and each stream in about one to two hours long.

Praises the viewers like his life depends on it. Doesn’t go a second without making sure you guys feel as good as him, even though he can’t see you.

His whines are definitely the prettiest. Low and airy but can also be heard against the slapping of his hand against his base

Can also be a tease but a little nicer? “ gonna cum f’me? Be a good girl and wait,yeah?”

Wants him and the viewers to cum at the same time. Something about it gets him going. Likes the connection.

Streams regularly and has a schedule probably twice or 3 times a week.

King of pet names. He always chooses just the right ones to make people buckle at their knees. Like he will definitely call you good girl, princess,darling sweetheart. Makes people feel like their actually with him

He won’t use toys a lot but he definitely has same. Maybe handcuffs or a flesh light. Only uses them upon requests though.

Definitely rewards his highest tipper after each stream. Maybe a private call with just him and said other person.

Shows his face, definitely has been recognized in public before but has gotten super embarrassed about it.

Overall 10/10 streamer boy, everyone’s favorite for sure.

★ Beomgyu

Everyone’s favorite switch. Not completely dominant but not completely submissive either.

When he’s subbing he definitely jumps the pillow or uses handcuffs on himself. Begs the chat to let him touch himself. Would definitely call viewers mommy or some pet name. I can also see him using a dildo?

Has the prettiest whines ever usually high pitched but they turn into grunts right before he reaches his high.

When he’s Dom he’s definitely rough and fast uses a flesh light or his hand.

In terms of toys he has a ton of them and is open to trying anything new. Very experimental when it comes to things like this.

I would feel like he has a above average sex drive so, he probably streams 4-5 times a week.

Has overstimulated himself by a accident before. He didn’t even realize intill he came down from his second high and he was a little two sensitive. When very sensitive he lets out the best whines ever.

Definitely can see him occasionally dressing up or role playing. His most popular costumes are definitely: police officer,doctor, and an angel.

He could definitely collab with another streamer ( you ), but other than that he likes to keep it to himself

Overall one of the best streamer boys out their because of his duality.

★ Taehyun

Definitely a soft Dom!

He loves praising, weather he’s doing it or the chats doing it he just can’t get enough.

He streams manly to help get other people off and usually ends in him jerking off himself. Doesn’t stream for donations, and will even complain that the chats being to nice.

Streaming isn’t his main job so he doesn’t stream everyday but atleast 2-3 times a week. On sundays,Saturdays and thursdays at 9:45pm every time.

Even though he works somewhere else he isn’t faceless. Wants viewers to know that their also making him feel good.

Aftercare king. He loves just talking to the chat and getting to know them generally interested, you don’t see a lot of things like that with other cam boys, that’s why he’s loved so much.

Did I mention he comes extremely fast? He’s literally about to bust but he’s only been at it for 10ish minutes. Has to overstimulate himself to make sure everyone else can still orgasm

Doesn’t complain though. He’s grown used to the feeling and thinks it feels really good.

Overall he may not be the top camboy but, people still love him!

★ Huening Kai

Everyone’s favorite sub! Literally so sweet and once you watch him once you become addicted.

Definitely has a lot of toys. Very experimental and open to anything. He mostly uses a vibrator though. Holding it to his sensitive leaking tip. Arches his back when he’s overstimulated.

Streams daily. Since he’s so young his sex drive is extremely high.

mommy kink 100%. He would be so whiney when he says it too. Loves begging he gets off on it all the time.

His whines are loud and whiney. He sees the comments praising him for getting of and being a good boy.

When he gets very need he jumps the bed or the pillow.

Probably the number one streamer in the world with how active he is.

Likes teasing his viewers if theirs an up coming stream. Maybe a short video clip of him all dolled out and very whiney and needy.

Basically famous. Shows his face a lot and has been noticed before. Not embarrassed at all and actually loves meeting viewers.

Also rewards viewers but instead of just a video call he meets them in person.

Overall everyone loves him. How could they not?

[dimonds456]

Howdy!

I'm Dimonds456, and welcome to my garbage pile. I'm a bat who stays up way too late and cannot decide whether or not to be productive. I draw, write, animate, play/write music, and I'm also insane so watch out for that.

I'm neurodivergent, disabled, queer, white, a singlet, fictionkin, and a proud cat papa. I am a cartoon character who is way too bouncy for their own good lol.

They / he / xe!

This is my main blog, but my ADHD ass also has a bunch more.

@dimonds456-art - my art blog! Almost all art gets rbed there!

@dimonds456-but-only-hlvrai - my HLVRAI sideblog! Because yeah why not. This is one of me current hyperfixations lol it's bad

@rubberhose-roy is my sideblog used to gush about 1920's-40's aesthetics, music, culture, ect., as well as an animation blog! All my animations specifically will be reblogged there, as well as any animation rambles or gushes I do.

I have more but those are the main three.

My fandom-specific blogs are:

@dimonds456-but-only-hlvrai (again)

@hlvrai-stuck-together - HLVRAI AU I run!

@halfnautica - Half Life / Subnautica AU!

@a-second-chance-su-au - Old SU AU that has been discontinued, but the blog is still there!

@batim-rewritten - a Bendy and the Ink Machine rewrite I'm working on

@cuphead-contract-au - A Cuphead AU where Mugman makes a deal (discontinued)

And, I have my own OC story, Follychromatic! I reblog all that stuff here, but its main blog is here!

@follychromatic

To see pictures of my cats, check the #Checkers and Chess tag! :D

Okay great. Now, DNI, trigger warnings, disabilities, special interests, and more below the cut. Make sure you read at least once, k? Thanks.

Welcome to my cave!

DNI

Do not FUCKING interact if you are:

- Someone who ships pedophilic, incestuous, or abusive ships while portraying them as positive and a good thing

- A bigot

- An LGBTphobe / transmed / ect

- Trump supporter

- Nazi / fascist / conservative

- Weird about furries or furry art

- Weird about fandom headcanons (specifically trans woman headcanons)

Trigger Warnings

I will tag as much as I can, and if you want me to tag something specific, let me know! But as a general blog cover, things that appear on this blog often are:

- Current events

- Talk of / discussion of sexuality (sometimes boardering on NSFW but not usually)

- Blood

- Guns

- Flashing

- Talk of proshippers (I try to be respectful but also I don't stand for them and I don't support them. I block and move on, and try to explain why proship is bad, but eh. I've only been listened to like once lol)

- Swearing / swear words

- All caps

- Bugs

- Suggestive content / NSFW (RARE DONT WORRY)

I will add more if anyone wants me to, or we can come up with a custom tag, like what I do for one of my friends! (#dimond don't look)

DISABILITIES

Hiiii I'm disabled! Both mentally and physically. I talk about being disabled a lot and try to generate positive talk about it. I also vent about it. I've had quite a few of these, and I also try to reblog as much about others I don't have as I can to increase awareness and understanding. So yeah! These are just the ones I have, but they are not the only ones that appear on my blog!

Hyperthyroidism

Graves Disease

Graves Eye Disease

Astigmatism

Athsma

Audio processing disorder

ADHD

Autism

Trauma / PTSD

Brain fog / disassociation / memory loss

Anxiety

Depression

Cane user

Weak / trembling limbs / trouble walking / trouble holding onto things sometimes

More to be added lol.

This is also a meds/treatment positive blog, a self-diagnosis positive blog, and my general attitude is just "if you think something is wrong you're probably right, you know yourself the best, even if you don't know what exactly is wrong." This attitude has saved my life and other people I know. You don't need a diagnosis or medication to be disabled.

THIS IS A SAFE SPACE.

If you are Jewish, black, brown, Muslim, indigenous, any religion, any race, any sexuality, any weird gender, anything at all- I love and support you. I'm still learning, and I try to learn as much as I can, but I'm not perfect. If I say something offensive or something adjacent, it was NOT on purpose. PLEASE, PLEASE tell me what I said wrong. I will make an effort to improve in the future.

I directly support:

- All races

- All religions*

- All sexualities (except pedos, y'all aren't LGBT, I'm sorry. You're actively hurting children. I've seen it again and again. Stop.)

- All genders and pronouns

- All "weird" identities outside of that as well (I'm fictionkin myself)

- Protests and protesters

- Neurodivergent people of all types (and yes, this means NPD, schizo, and all those other types that are often seen as bad or evil. I love you, I see you, and I support you.)

- DID & OSDD systems

I DO NOT support:

- Antisemitism

- Genocide

- Cults (*stuff like Jehova's Witnesses. I support the members, as they are victims, but I actively dislike the people on top who perpetuate the cycle. Not just JWs, but those are the big ones who come to mind. Hearts out to all the victims, I hope everyone gets to a better place soon)

- Racism in any way, shape, or form

- Religious discrimination of any way, shape, or form

- Israel specifically

- Trump, conservatives, Nazis, ect.

- Endo systems

If I have reblogged or said anything that aligns with the bottom list, that was a mistake. PLEASE let me know and I will fix it as fast as I can. You reading this right now, I love you. I hope my blog can help you feel welcomed and like you have somewhere to go if you need it. /gen

MY FANDOMS / INTERESTS

I HAVE ADHD AND AUTISM AND I'M MAKING THAT EVERYONE ELSE'S PROBLEM /silly

The current special interests are HLVRAI and Half Life, current hyperfixations are Half Life and Poppy Playtime.

SPECIAL INTERESTS:

- Minecraft

- HTTYD

- FNaF

- Undertale / Deltarune

- BATIM / BATDR (unfortunately)

- Subnautica

- Biology

- Steven Universe

- Cuphead

- 2D Animation

- Writing

- HLVRAI

- Half Life

HYPERFIXATIONS (interests but not the special ones):

- Little Nightmares

- Hello, Neighbor (unfortunately)

- Petscop

- Portal

- Freemanverse (HELP ME)

- The Amazing Digital Circus

- The Owl House

- Gravity Falls

- Monster High (very first from what I can remember! I remember nothing though! But it's there!)

- Poppy Playtime

- Half Life

- Wild Kratts (I didn't even know there WAS a fandom until very recently, hi guys)

theres more but my brain is an egg :/

When it comes to ✨me,✨ I have a couple of original works as well! Specifically, Follychromatic! I won't get too into it here (bc shy) but it's 2D animation, rubberhose animation, magic, character-driven, action/adventure, mystery- yeah!

Outside of fandom, though, my special interests are biology, 2D animation, and writing. I am an animator and I suffer for fun.

YOU MADE IT! Have some Checkers and Chess pictures for your time! :)

[everettswritings]

Would it be alright to request some tickle headcanons for Mister Camellia Cookie? :OO

Of course! Please bear with me because I don’t know much about him, I don’t really play the game anymore I just watch cutscenes on YouTube. But hey, he’s pretty and I already want him deeply. (Kink/NSFW accounts DNI!)

Ler:

I wouldn’t say he’s the meanest ler, but he also isn’t the nicest ler. He’s honestly whatever the situation calls for, y’know?

Since he likes keeping up a refined image, he keeps tickling to something behind closed doors. He won’t really tickle you in public, but he might just bring it up casual to mess with you.

Like, let’s say you’re with him out in public, yeah? Especially if he’s in a ler mood, or if he knows you’re in a lee mood, he’ll start saying stuff like “This really tickles my fancy.” or “This tickles me.” when referring to something funny.

Whenever he does tickle someone, he makes damn sure to get the most out of it!

He isn’t really too gentle or too rough with it, he’s somewhere nicely in between. Mostly for maximizing purposes, like I said.

Oh, you know for a fact that he uses his paint brushes! He definitely swirls them around on your tummy/in your bellybutton, and flicks them up and down when tickling your sides or your ribs.

I don’t know why, but I also think he would be the type to tickle someone while casually doing something else. Namely reading a book for some reason. But probably not when he’s painting, specifically because of the risk that his next masterpiece would get ruined carelessly.

Not really the teasing type, but occasionally he will compliment you on how sweet your laughter is.

Lee:

Although he pretends not to be, this man is very ticklish. Especially his hips and his back!

Again, refined image, he doesn’t care for being public about tickling unless he’s initiating it to some extent.

Speaking of refined image, he tries so hard to keep himself together! Sometimes to the extent that his face turns red from trying to hold in his laughter.

When in private, however, he is a very giggly lee. He CANNOT speak for the life of him! He just sits there, taking it and laughing without any restraint.

His laughter is definitely a little more on the elegant side, very seldom does it stray from that melodic sound.

Oh, don’t you dare tease him! It makes him laugh that much harder, especially whenever you’re saying something silly or baby talking.

Not really a squirmer, but he’ll curl up into a ball or try to push you away weakly. It’s adorable.

Very weak to his own weapons(paintbrushes). Very, very, very weak to them. He can’t stand the feeling!

He usually demonstrates his lee moods through his paintings, particularly with more frantic and random seeming brushstrokes that resemble ticklish motions. However, when you ask or notice, he will deny it until the cows come home.

Snorts, but hates snorting so he tries to cover his mouth whenever he does.

And that’s all! Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna go completely feral over this. Thank you for the request and thank you for reading. Have a good one 🫶