#i try not to demonise him too much though

[corvidaes-crow]

Deruth Henituse bashing ahead, you have been warned.

I finally figured out why I hate Deruth Henituse. The novel, through Kim Roksu, barely lingers on his failings as a parent. Which, fair enough, I understand from a characterisation perspective why that wouldn't be a main focus. It just means I linger on that in canon's place. Why is Deruth satisfied with giving his child some exorbitant allowance? Why doesn't he ask at any point what it was used for, even when he thinks their relationship has improved? Why can he be a good person to everyone except OG!Cale? What is stopping him except his own cowardice and guilt?

There is not a single thing in LCF that redeems him as a father. We see how Ron grows to care for (KRS!)Cale, as well as Eruhaben and Fredo in their own pseudo-fatherly ways. We see how Deruth has not changed since 'Cale Henituse' improved. If he had been more grief-stricken finding out about Cale on-screen, maybe that would have redeemed him a bit in my eyes, but alas.

I need a scene where Deruth wakes up in the middle of the night heaving, tears streaming down his face when he realises that his son does not exist in their universe any more. When he realises his son has disappeared from their timeline, and likely did so believing everyone would prefer it that way. When he realises that belief is not exactly wrong, because everyone does prefer it this way.

That last realisation, he struggles with, because bad parents will never understand what they did wrong without significant internal struggle and a self-driven desire to understand. I need someone (Eruhaben, Ron, or even Violan) to notice his internal conflict and sit him down and ask him, straightforward and simple, "Which one do you prefer?" And they won't let him tell them his answer, that's not for them to know. But Deruth finds himself repeating the question over and over, which do I prefer?

It starts with 'neither, obviously, how could I pick a favourite?' but the guilt gnaws at him; his reflexive answer is not what his son, his sons, deserve. So he disassembles it all from there. What would he feel if they swapped back? What would he do then? Shower Cale with love, of course - but would he? Or would he find himself taking a step back, guilty and avoidant as always when it comes to his son?

And then, why would Deruth feel guilty? Because he hungers after a son who he can interact with without fearing Cale's hatred or resentment. He knows and fears his own inadequacy to heal their relationship. And the new soul doesn't mind it. The new soul, Cale, holds no expectations for him. No resentment. He doesn't know how to reconcile, but is there any need to if Cale is no longer the son he wronged?

So the answer to such a cruel question, which do you prefer, is... this one. The new one. The Cale that Deruth can be a proud father of, that he can hold his head high when talking about and fret over when he coughs blood or faints or leaves for another dangerous mission. The Cale that he knows exactly how to make happy. It's not hard, either, just food, rest and gold.

Deruth will never know how he could have made the original Cale happy. There is too much strife between them for Deruth to dare try to unravel it all, so he'll settle for wishing him all the best in future endeavours. This is penance enough, the guilt he will carry forever for not noticing sooner the loss of his firstborn son.

[where-dreams-dwell]

I haven’t read the book and only have vague recolections of the movie (though I remember sobbing violently at several points) but I hoped I’d love Netflix’s One Day adaption. And of course I did but one of the things I loved was so unexpected.

I love how they portrayed Sylvie.

Particularly how that relationship both ended and endured. How even at the start there were issues but the small kind you want to work on and work through. She knew her family were hard work but she was on Dex’s side and wanted him to be accepted: but still knew that her opinion was the one that mattered. Dex knew he didn’t fit it but he was trying so damn hard to, and hoped that if he kept trying it would be enough eventually. And she wasn’t this demon or harpy, even people who just met her liked her. She was a nice person.

So many times when the male lead is with another woman before they eventually get together with the female lead this ‘other woman’ is portrayed as toxic, unmanageable, cruel, snobbish, etc… or even just unpleasant to be around; someone we’re happy for the male lead to leave. Maybe it helps us to support the male leads pursuit of the female lead and not confront his poor behaviour as a romantic partner if that ‘other woman’ is unlikable and we’re happy to see her gone?

But here they made it clear: Sylvie is a kind nice woman who loves Dex, and didn’t handle the crumbling of their marriage well.

It was almost voyeuristic how we saw the breakdown of her and Dex’s marriage. It seemed so bloody real. New baby, no sleep, renovating the house, all of it building up until you’re being a bitch and you know you are, and you’re apologising after the fact for what you said but you don’t know how to talk around the fact that you still meant some of the things you said. And a partner who you know is struggling with direction and purpose, and you want them to do well, but *god* you’re the one fielding questions and having to go to bat for them every time someone asks, and as a result you never feel safe to take a break or question them yourself.

And (I don’t know how intentional this was) but Dex’s joking tone which is clearly meant to relax and reassure just came across as him not taking things seriously or being trustworthy. Sylvie lists a whole range of food options for Jasmine while she’s out for the night, clearly showing she has prepped *everything* ahead of time: she isn’t leaving Dex in charge of finding or cooking Jasmine dinner, she’s leading him by the hand to the ready made stuff and telling him now to reheat it. Kind of like he’s a child too. It really shows how capable she feels he is.

And then Dex jokes about giving Jasmine crisps. He’s clearly trying to break the tense atmosphere and joke around with his wife, but it just comes across as ‘I wasn’t listening to you, I don’t realise how much work you’ve done, you were right not to trust me to cook dinner because look what I immediately suggested, you can’t rely on me’.

In all their conversations the tone of their voices just show they’re not sure how to talk to one another anymore, that they know everything they say will be taken the wrong way and so they have no idea how to speak.

It felt like no one was particularly demonised or made into a caricature. Just two people who were different, put under stress until they broke and grew apart. And Sylvie had been responding to this state of her marriage by having an affair, so she is clearly in the wrong there and the one who causes the divorce etc, but… I don’t know; here it comes across more as a plea for help or freedom in the midst of her confusion and less a lack of care or thought for Dex and her daughter (like I remember it coming across in the movies).

Even when they have the brief mention of dramatics and anger around the divorce, afterwards she’s back in the picture as a level headed co-parent: joking around to relate to Emma, sharing co-parenting pains with HER too (‘Jasmin’s learning the violin?’ ‘Yes that’s why we’re fleeing the country’). And genuinely congratulating them in their relationship and marriage.

You don’t see many ex-wives in media who are so openly concerned about how their ex-husband is handling his second wife’s death. She’s present, caring and supportive. And keeps reaching out to him well after she could be forgiven for stepping back.

So yeah I loved all of One Day and yeah it made me cry AGAIN, but I also loved how real they made those significant relationships look. How adult and complicated and messy and ‘no one was a monster/you were both wrong in different ways/there is no right and wrong’ they played out as.

Just because she wasn’t the ‘love of his life’ doesn’t mean she was a footnote either.

[rreskk]

Heatwave

Summary: Sandy Shores experiences a frightful heatwave in which disturbs Trevor and his sleep, leaving him to use the only source of entertainment - you.

NOTES: Hey guys. I've not answering requests at the moment because I really wanna focus on providing much more focussed fanfics! Trying to improve and experiment with my writing, but this means I'll upload more promising works! :)

TW: -Smut

Pairings: Fem!reader/ Trevor Philips

Word count: 1856

The humidity was ravishing like a spiteful bliss of rushed warmth evaporating from an active volcano. The many layers of heat had tangled Hell into Sandy Shores, the rock roads fuming, the metal trailers sparking and burning up. A horrific heatwave during the summer hours of early dawn. What was present outside was also found inside; unbearable temperatures and sticky mattresses heaving at his naked skin. For once he tried to sleep but it came with a downfall of sweat and irritation. The 3 day bender of meth fuelled chaos ended and the sleep deprivation caught up momentarily. So with tiredness and angst, Trevor attempted to sleep the night before and, almost choked up by the heat, ended up lying there with eyes wide open, his back stuck to the duvet and his whole body measured with sweat — head to toe — every inch.

He glanced over to your sleepy figure and glared with distain. His body rolled forwards and it grinds against your backside, needly asking for some comfort and physical contact while in the moment of Hellish heat. Though you were just as sweaty with the mattress becoming damp, you had somewhat managed to enter the process of a light sleep, your eyes closed and face aching with trickles of sweat.

“Wake up…” his finger brushed across your damp stomach, “Don’t sleep without me.”

This tauntingly disturbed your peace and quiet as you began to stir, his breath heavy on the back of your neck. Throughout the whiplashes of consciousness, his stench grew more intense due to the humidity and increasing pressure of the warm heatwave that caused his bedroom to sickly hold this stream of his sweaty musk. Your nostrils were inflamed at the punch and you peered over your shoulder, just now noticing the layers of sweat painting your skin and sticking to your shirt. He met with your eyes, still frowning.

“What?” You murmured after being eruptively woken.

“I can’t sleep.” He simply said like it was your fault.

Begging to differ, your stomach coiled at his demonising scent and slowly, you sat up from the sticky sheets.

Trevor immediately followed you with his eyes and took advantage of the free access to your body, his hands grabbing at your waist and them warm fingers sliding across your bare skin. It made you shiver as the contrast of your sweat and his sweat mixed. The sensation was more or less hot AND bothering, an unwanted caress of butterflies moving around in your tummy and making it harder to breathe. Them damned hands are only making this heatwave worse for you.

“Trevor.” You’d warn since the illy-balanced fractures of bodily temperatures were apparent to cause future sickness.

“What?” He grubbed in response, scowling. His touch remained fixated on your waist and quietly ushering you closer to his side of the bed.

Knowing it wasn’t smart to argue against this revoltingly lustful intimacy, you shook your head to avoid any more of that sober grumpiness.

“This fuckin’ heat is killing me…” And with a slight tug, you were pulled back and into his lap. Your head planted onto the sweaty chest and he gazed down with a snarky smirk. “Hey.”

A hesitant muffle left your lips as you obtained the urge to find comfort in this gooey, humid situation. While lying against Trevor was a diamond in the rough, it didn’t help with your hair and clothes sticking to your body. Overstimulation, at its finest.

“It’s too hot for this.” You protested and attempted to sit up from his close proximity.

“Is it?” He questioned before grabbing the back of your shirt. “It’s never too hot to spend quality time with my girl.”

Your body went into immediate shut down and you couldn’t hold back the grudge. Limply falling back, you gave him a deceitful sigh. “C’mon, please. We both are tired—“

“From what I can remember, you were sleeping fine. Almost too fine…” He murmured.

“Before you woke me up.”

Trevor grimaced, “What’s wrong? You don’t want to spend time with dear ol’ Trev?”

“I didn’t mean it like tha—“ Before your sentence barely spat from your tongue, his hand perversely broke an entrance down your sweatpants, harshly groping at your pussy through your sweat-shaking undies. “Fuck!”

You felt him smirk at your initial reaction. Trevor increased his grip as your back arched, the overwhelming presence of heat turning into an internal arousal, defeating your inner dignity. He maintained your steady position in his lap while that hand only abuses your pussy harsher, suddenly clawing at your clit through the damp cloth.

“Trevor, stop…” You struggled with a smile, rocking your hips and thrusted into his hand.

“Atta girl. You love it, don’t you?” He whispered as his lips remained attached to your neck. His voice vibrated throughout your body, assisting the rush of blood to your stomach and lower. And from what you could tell, as that growing urge bulged from his crotch, he was excited as well. A bit too excited.

Disabled of vocalisation – jerking your hips is the only way of communicating since he had stolen your words. How he responded was physically intimate. His finger, clinging to your panties, pulling it aside and freeing the wet mess caused by his monster teases. You just wanted to rip off your clothes and free yourself from the chambers of sweat and overstimulation but he enjoyed watching you grow frustratingly sweaty and sticky. His eyes were peeled upon the hair that stuck to your face, the silhouette of droplets on your forehead and neck illumining from the lamp beside the bed. Trevor always loved it hot and messy, heatwaves setting him off when you submit such a sight to behold.

You clumsily pulled down your lazy sweatpants with the damp panties, kicking it away with the jerk of your feet. Now you could see his veiny, pulsing hands that dared to finger your clit more than it already is. With circular motion, you watched his thumb press down and interrogate the sex, assassinating the build-up of tension starting within your thighs and making them shake with anticipation.

“Oh yeah, that’s how I fuckin’ like it.” You heard him moan when sighting your exposed lower body.

As predicted, he shuffled around, your back hitting the mattress instead of his chest and his hand, based on your clit, increasing in pressure as he used it to continue the yearnful pleasure. You moaned, eyes closed, feeling his shadow looming over your body when another hand opened up your legs more.

“Look at me, baby.” Trevor pled.

“I can’t.” Everything was spinning that you didn’t have the guts to face him in fear of coming too early.

“Yes you fucking can.” He reached for your face and aggressively open up one of your eyes, grinning when your pupils expanded at the sight of his face. Sweat, perverted eyes, wobbly lips, sharply inhaled chest that his ribs were exposed, you were devastatingly attracted to this ugly version of him.

There he was, your dirty man; all rugged for your taste and all energised for the next taster. Trevor ensured you were to keep your eyes open before glancing down, his briefs hanging around his thin waist, tugging it further down until the happy-trail trickled towards the V-line, then hitting the sight of his touch-starved cock that was caked in god-knows how much sweat. It trembled when the dim light of his night-lamp stared it down, showing off the ugliness and divine ravenous.

“Oh fuck!” You cried out, beastly needing the Devil’s touch.

Trevor whimpered and lined his cock against your loose pussy, his thumb remaining tightly against your clit to keep you actively pleasured. Inhaling the last freedom of oxygen, he pushed inwards and took control. You both moaned at the intense gratification and fulfilment.

“Mhm… Yeah, that’s right,” He breathed when thrusting, his sweat being used as lube, “God, I fucking love you!”

You were being rattled relentlessly against the mattress as your back was inhumanly stuck to the material with nothing but pure sweat. His hands gripped your thighs and kept it wide apart when rocking in and out of your pussy, ignoring how frantically they were shaking. It made your head toss and turn to try and express this unnatural wave of euphoria.

Trevor chewed his bottom lip and adjusted himself onto his knees, leaning forward, lifting your legs up, the access to your sex getting bigger and the deeper he gets to fuck you. His hair was coiled in every direction despite the thinness after it was beyond bewildered by the caking of lather. It would occasionally drool down his face and drip onto your naked skin, his own fluids from the flesh of his body warming you up while he’s inside you – how dirty and filthy – how you are bonding and loving it like a Heavan in disguise.

“Trevor! Harder!” You unconsciously whined.  

He shakingly gritted his teeth and slammed his hips wildly, “Shut –“ His voice lowered, “– the fuck up, baby. Fuck!”

“Please!”

The witch-craft – or as for now, bitch-craft – of your weak voice made him stammer forwards even more, his cock rapidly beating you to a pulp, just like you wanted.

You grabbed onto his shoulders and panted while he dismantled you like a doll. The sweat becoming equally as arousing, unlike before. He was taking great care of your pussy by demolishing it. So sweet and exasperating, a last blow threw you downhill and you gave him a high-pitched moan. “I’m gonna fucking cum!”

“Cum for… Fuck… FUCK!” Trevor aimed to command you but it backfired as he could barely hold himself hostage. So in a haze of immense desire, he pressed his wrenched forehead against yours and memorised this moment before the urge to cum was threatening to follow.

“Ah! Oh! Ohh…” A hurtful whimper lasted for seconds as your whole tummy went into a series of spasms, cum squirting out, painting his cock which was flooded with more warmth and more wetness than it already was. Trevor kept on fucking you through the orgasm and moaned your name repetitively, staring at you through his eyebrows as sweat dripped off his skin and onto your cheek like a dog drooling from it’s mouth.

Your face scrunched up and your climax met with his, a sudden blow of fluids attacking your pussy and deeper. He threw his head back and shouted. “FUCK! YES!”

The bed stopped creaking and shaking when he collapsed onto you. His face buried itself in the crook of your damp neck and his cock stayed inside you while it shook off the rest of his cum. The only sound was the shared breathing between you both that was as familiar as a wolf feasting its prey.  

“Yeah…” He murmured suddenly, hands hugging your curves and more of his body weight pressing against you.

Rubbing his back, you whispered, “That felt so good…”

Trevor didn’t respond and closed his eyes. You were left comforting his tired body as he finally fell asleep, probably sleeping for the next 12 hours and caging you under his weight, making you roll your eyes but smile.

[mqrianos]

the way by the end of s3, the show demonises jess for being careless about his attendance for highschool and pretty much blames it all on him, never sits right with me.....don't get me wrong, jess is to blamed for his actions but they were so many other factors at play. firstly, liz abandons jess at luke's out of nowhere, with no proper consent from jess, so his academic year at nyc is done. then he starts at stars hollow. the way luke cares so much abt if jess is missing out on school or not, but does not think twice to send jess back to nyc after the car accident, even though it disrupts jess's academics in stars hollow. then, jess decides to come back to stars hollow again, joining back in the middle of the school year. like if my academic life was disrupted that way by adults around me constantly, i would stop taking it seriously too? let me not start on the school institution not setting a proper meeting with the guardian to break down the news of jess not graduating, or even giving a second last warning before breaking such a news to a kid....neither the teachers nor the principal are constant in their efforts to keep luke involved about jess's attendance. like they called luke once to talk about jess's marks and vandalism and then never again.....and suddenly it's "you are not graduating jess!". and the explanation that the principal gives too that jess "blew off the warning notes" like WHY ARE YOU NOT CONTACTING THE GUARDIAN AFTER A POINT? why are you trying to set up meetings with the 17 year old kid who youre aware is blowing you off? dropping the news of jess not graduating directly to him without even luke being present to talk? and jess just took 31 days out of a cutoff of 20 like.....i know friends who took even 2 months off of their academic year lol.....i get so pissed everytime i reach that plotline of the show. do not get me wrong. this is not me saying, "oh poor jess, he did nothing wrong. everybody else is to blame".....ofcourse jess fcked up bigtime. but there were many factors that led up to what happened with jess. jess is not the only one to be blamed.

[wildissylupus]

(I feel like I'm going to regret posting this later, might delete it to)

Ok, I've seen this too many times and now I need to talk about it...

Ramattra and Null Sector are Villains yes, but they are not the main villains.

Talon is.

The narrative that is being set up currently is establishing Null Sector as the immediate threat, which signifies that it is not the biggest threat. When people complain that the Ramattra and Null Sector storyline is just the common "civil right group are the villain" clique, it takes away the power that Talon actually has over the narrative.

I actually have several analyses planned for this, Talon and Doomfists ability to manipulate people, the contrast of Ramattra, Mondatta and Zenyatta's ideologies and what they mean to the plot, a Ramattra analyses.

All of those are in the works, but I want to get this pit there now cause I'm tired of people demonising a story that is not even past the first act.

Specifically the people calling the current plot the "civil right group are the villain" clique. Yes, I will agree that it looks that way, however for this to actually follow the clique we would have to see the characters not question the status quo, for them to want what was happening before the story to continue.

That's not the case here.

Genji, Sojourn, Mercy, Tracer, Cassidy, all question what Null Sector is doing because this is such a radical shift from what they were doing in Uprising. Mercy and Tracer actively point out that they didn't help much in Uprising, that after they won that battle, omnics were still suffering.

Again this is something that I'm going to explore more in a future analysis but right now it's something I want to point out because I big part of the clique is no one questioning the status quo, something we clearly see characters doing in the story of Overwatch.

Another thing this clique does is only present two sides. Again this is not the case for Overwatch's story. We see multiple ideologies fighting for the same thing but also being vastly different, again this is its own analysis to come but Mondatta, Ramattra and Zenyatta all have the same goal of peace for Omnics but all have different views on how to achieve it. Mondatta believed that it was Omnics duty to make peace with humans, Ramattra thinks there can be no peace with humans, and Zenyatta believes that through the connections we build is how we achieve peace.

There is also the fact that Uprising happens before Storm Rising, when we first see Ramattra. At this point Ramattra has lost his friends, his fellow Null Sector founders, his support network. And Talon, specifically Doomfist, has been shown to use that kind of loss to manipulate people. (Widow, Reaper, Sigma)

What I'm saying is that there is a high likelihood that the reason why Ramattra is going so far this time is because of Talons influence. Afterall, they're helping him, they're providing the resources, the support. Without Talon I doubt that Null Sector would be like it currently is, you want proof?

Here;

This is Ramattra's first appearance. It is also very obvious from what we know of Doomfist that he is trying and succeeding in manipulating Ramattra to fit his own goal of conflict.

We see Ramattra start on the path he is now in his Reflections shortly story;

But if you look at the language used, nothing indicates what he's doing now with the subjicators. This is Talons influence.

Anyway, I've said my peace and I've already gone to far into analysis territory. This is more of a rant if anything though I do still have more analysis planned.

[f0point5]

Holly shit I wanna talk about all the rumours about lando asking for nudes and etc, look I get it you are young, travelling almost every week to different places and just relieve yourself put leaking his texts from 2020 and now being 2024 like? You had the chance to to it for so many years and now you leak them and for what? FAMOUS PEOPLE DESERVE PRIVACY TOO! Just saying it louder for the people in the back.

Also the leaked texts of Christian? I have never been more icked and cringed out in my whole fucking life, you are trying to rizz up a girl idk age at least have shit to say and not spam calling her to Jack off wtf, his wife and kids being in the same house as him??? Or now they will read the texts too? I would never show me face on earth if I was him tbh also max being questioned about it and saying he should deal it himself is even more embarrassing, I thought horner was a sweet guy but I guess not Idk.

What is your opinion on this?

Leaking people’s messages is fucked up behaviour point blank period. If you are offended by something someone says to you you need to adult the fuck up and handle your business yourself. There is no need to let the world in on that. None. If there’s been a crime, you take yourself to the police. Failing that, block and move on.

But Lando, my sweet summer child, you can’t be shocked that these are the girls you find. I know it’s tough being famous and you’re travelling and you need hot girls that can fly out or whatever but messaging an influencer with 200k followers and fashionnova links in the bio…you’re not making smart choices. Again, there are ways to go about this, and he’s going about this like he’s not famous. I am not surprised his shit gets leaked.

On a separate note, I’m not going to roast him for asking for nudes, but I’m going to roast him for asking for nudes. I fully accept that he’s being a normal guy his age, but normal guys his age suck. Like just…is there anything that turns a girl off more than a guy asking for nudes on Snapchat? Buy an OF subscription and save that chat for the girls that are actually getting paid for this. Again, not demonising him or holding him to a double standard…I don’t like this behaviour from anyone, so he is included in that.

Never read a more dead, dry, crusty chat in my life. Or a more poorly written conversation. This man wears a pinky ring…why can’t he spell properly? The flirting is just sub-zero. This is a man who has not had to try to get a woman since the late 90s. Idk what spice (pun intended) he used in Geri but oof it expired a while back. Not surprised in the least by the actual content, typically nouveau successful married middle aged man behaviour. It’s all so very cliché. He’s stressed, he’s lonely, he’s sexually frustrated. Aren’t they all. They just be like that. No one in that business is sweet, that is a veritable fact. You don’t where he got by being a teddy bear. But yeah the cringe of that chat will never be forgotten.

He very much has a dad vibe to me still, in a very Freudian way. Like, the guy you gravitate to at work because he seems like he could be someone’s father and he talks so well of his kids, but at the same time he’s flirty enough with you to make you feel special in a way your actual father never did and he soothes your need for affection because even though he’s flirting you still feel like you’re receiving approval from a father figure, even if it’s not your father. Ya know?

[dearrosaceae]

I hope moving on doesn’t turn me into stone.

Dear Tumblergh, a lot has happened recently. To summarise, I have decided (as I should have from a long time ago) to move on from my first love. We have a long history that stretched way back to two years ago. He was the one and only man, and an experience that I ever come close to a real romantic relationship so in the light of that obvious lacking in references, it is very devastating on my part.

I burned a poem and a couple bookmarks I dedicated to him from two years ago when he rejected me (the bookmarks were prior) at night on a random tuesday or wednesday. It was significant that I got rid of those memoribilia because if I have anything more that reminded me of him, it’ll made moving on harder.

I also recorded and edited a video about it which gain traction among my friends.. as well as him. He texted me about the video, claiming he didn’t know it was about him or that all this time, all of my poems had been about him, my posts, my hints of insane yearn. I just.. yelled at him for that response, he was so oblivious and frustrating.

He reassured me that if we are meant to be together, we’ll find our way back to each other which is a nice thing to say but I’m tired of hearing it because I’ve told myself that a million times already. Afterwards we did text again when he initiated, even call which took me by huge surprise. I was cathartic by his invitation.

“You just want (a place) to rant, right? Let’s call.”

However, things took a sharp left from there. He immediately went cold and distant, like he had always been. I thought at first I’ve got a chance to salvage our relationship which is stupid yes because even after burning those memories, I still have hope for him but this time he made it clear that he doesn’t want anything to do with me. You know what they call this type of people?

Asshole.

Hope-giving-motherfuckers.

I posted some Twitter screenshots and poems on my WhatsApp status and Instagram stories about moving on and being abandoned. It is how I cope with pain and apparently, severe attachment issues. He posted Tik Toks too and today a poem in our mother tongue. This is just how we’re communicating lately and somehow, none of us know if we are doing it right.

Listen, I know he’s not the best guy there is. My heart only thinks so because he fits my type perfectly and like I said, he is my one and only experience so I have nobody to compare him to. He won without competing. I also acknowledge that I’m having a hard time moving forward because I cling to the nostalgia of us, and the possibilities of “what ifs” and “what could’ve been”. I couldn’t give anyone or myself a chance.

This hurts but nothing wounded cannot heal with time. Plus, it’ll leave a scar but a reminder could be helpful in the future. Day by day, I try to make a step forward towards moving on. I don’t want to pretend that he’s dead or he never existed, because that would also mean leaving our memories unacknowledged. I, too, refuse to demonise him so I could hate him and move on. He is still as good as he can be to me.

Instead, I will just look for other things to enrich myself and be the best version of myself. Be my own type so no man can easily impress me in terms of attracting me. Improve myself so much that my future partner doesn’t have to deal with my baggages such as this, or if I don’t find a partner either, I can be completely content just by myself.

Of course, I hope that this experience does not make loving traumatising. I have seen what this can do to people. I don’t want the same thing to happen to me. I want to continue loving with purpose, choosing to love again and again, courageously, even though I risk getting hurt.

Because eventually, I know this love will triple itself on me.

Love wont turn me into a stone.

[cdd-swag-bracket]

Just wanna add some more stuff to Mikoto Kayano’s description as I don’t feel it did him justice (is this a tournament or something?). And apologies in advance for this being a bit too long

To be clear, Mido doesn’t actually exist and is a fanon character originating from an older theory. Currently we only know of Mikoto and John in the system. It’s also very unclear who is the actual killer but I’ll elaborate on that more. And in Milgram everyone’s a killer so he’s not the only case here.

I really love Mikoto and John and their story so much.

Mikoto is the host alter and the one considered as the prisoner 009. He’s a people pleaser who obsessed with being normal and acceptable to people. He doesn’t inherently understand social concepts and relationships and tries to force himself into such. His whole social attitude is him deliberately acting that way so people can accept him, such as he doesn’t give people nicknames just because he wants to he it’s that he believes it to be a step in order to interact with people well. He’d do anything to please other people even if it makes him uncomfortable. And this habit is breaking him down on the inside along with being stuck in an abusive job.

His obsession with being normal makes him hate John which is really sad. He feels that having DID would make him weird and crazy and completely erase any sort of efforts he made to be normal and socially acceptable and have him be ostracised by everyone, which is sadly the truth in this current world. Because of this he’s scared of John and projects all his sufferings onto him, that he’s deliberately trying to ruin his life and do all these horrible things just for the sake of it. He even blamed John for attacking Mahiru even though it’s extremely obvious that it was Kotoko who did it. Mikoto saw her as a friend even though she really wasn’t and doesn’t want to believe that she did it so he blamed it on John.

I think Mikoto might’ve actually known he was a system for a while as lots of the lyrics in his first trial song, MeMe, seem to imply this. He wants to know why John is like this and is scared of him. And he’s lying to himself and desperately trying to convince himself that it’s not true. Even acting clueless when Es bought it up despite having attempted to talk to John beforehand.

Now for John, he is the protector alter and isn’t considered to be the prisoner. I absolutely love John so much. He’s obsessed with protecting Mikoto to the point he’s ruining his life, just like Mikoto’s obsession with being normal. He’s extremely paranoid of other people, and believes them all to be out to hurt Mikoto. Because of this, he lashed out and acts violently around them to make himself seem more threatening as for them to not go near Mikoto. This is in direct contrast with Mikoto’s behaviour of wanting to be friends with everyone which John is trying to stop as he’s scared for his safety under the belief that other people are dangerous. Even though he’s trying to protect Mikoto from this he’s actually making things worse for him as this is heavily stressing out Mikoto who’s biggest fear is social rejection and could stop someone reaching out to help him. And John knows this. He’s questioning if he’s truly Mikoto’s saviour and has started to believe that he’s ruined his life, for if only he was never born. But his paranoid mindset is inherently rooted into him so he can’t stop behaving this way.

John’s entire identity revolves around him being Mikoto’s protector, so for this it feels to him as his entire duty in life he had failed. His entire life is focused on Mikoto and he believes he can’t be his own person with hopes and dreams because that’d be getting in the way. He also demonised his DID and believes he can’t be a proper person because of that, and believes his condition is what’s making him violent even though it’s truly not, and just has a strong sense of fight or flight.

For his whole life John has never been treated as a person and never treated himself as such, so when in his second trial voice drama, Neoplasm, when Es wasn’t immediately scared of him when John fronted and started threatening Es, he backed down. This was the first time he wasn’t treated as a monster and because of that he dropped his persona and started to reveal his true self. John is a more stoic and rational person and was confused when Es actually accepted him instead of fearing him. It definitely seems he’s been trying to make an effort not to get angry and violet on an impulse as when he got upset and started yelling at Es, he calmed down and started breathing, and tried to talk in a more calm matter. But because of this he said how he wished he had stayed a monster.

And about the whole murder situation. John desperately tries to convince Es that he’s the killer, claiming he just killed a bunch of random people who annoyed him although this statement is very contradictory. When Es started to get suspicious of his statement John immediately doubled down and tried to convince them that Mikoto is weak and innocent and could never hurt anyone and was basically yelling at Es that Mikoto is completely innocent and that he is the murderer.

Even though the story deliberately makes it unclear who did it this behaviour seems to me as John trying to take the blame for Mikoto, as he wouldn’t want anything bad to happen to him because of that. It’s just a theory and it’s a long one but I believe that Mikoto is the killer, and the trauma from the incident along with his denial coping mechanisms lead him to repress the memory. And in the first trial when Es bought up the idea that he may have repressed the memory he started having a panic attack which caused John to switch in.

I really love how Milgram is treating DID with respect in Mikoto’s story and how the murder wasn’t because of his condition, but the result of the situation he was in and all the trauma he was going through, a murder which anyone could commit. There’s also a time where it was implied that they were co conscious in the second trial interrogation questions where at one time the handwriting started changing a lot and becoming more shaky in a style that didn’t fit either Mikoto or John’s regular handwriting. And there was one answer which heavily implied he was disassociating while writing. Mikoto’s story is one that’s easily misunderstood and may initially lead people to believe that Mikoto is the poor victim and John the evil perpetrator. But it makes a lot more sense when you realise that that’s their perspectives and is influencing the narrative. Ah- I might’ve gone on for too long about this I’m just really normal about them ok.

Alright I added a very slightly abridged version of what you said onto the post. Also yeah it's a tournament, it just hasn't been started yet.

[kendallroygf]

Your Kendall post speaks volumes. I never knew how to articulate it properly but I always think (idk if it’s canon or not) His ex wife is Jewish, his best friend Iranian and his daughter, South Asian. But he’s aligning himself with parties like ATN etc. I don’t know, it’s a funny thing to me because wether or not the writers did this on purpose or not but the people he’s closest to (aside from his sibs) are as you said, from marginalised communities. Does he think the amount of wealth a person earns suddenly makes them immune to a system that wasn’t originally built for anyone aside for people like him. I wonder what his stance would’ve been on Mckenen if he were in the room when they were all deciding who should be president. It’s more personal for him, his daughter is quite literally apart of the community that Mckenen demonises. Not even just for Kendall but for Stewy & Marcia too. Like they can’t be seen opposing people like him because where does that put them? Just being poc in a cooperate world is threatening enough. This is me putting too much thought into it while also knowing the writers maybe didn’t when it comes to the Sophie/Marcia/Stewy and the role they have to put on.

hmm i don’t know how qualified i am to speak on this but in terms of ‘aligning himself with atn’ i truly think it’s never been an conscious choice for kendall to do that. like it came with the job. logan groomed kendall to one day be in charge of waystar and subsequently atn for however many years and i think a consequence of that is that kendall doesn’t really have any concrete ideologies/beliefs, much like roman. but similar to shiv (although her politics are way more clear) he has this abstract idea of ‘doing good things’ with waystar and wanting to be a ‘good person’ but this in itself kind of centres around logan . like his desire to ‘be good’ is just a desire to be good in comparison to his father (i’m a good person i’m better than you etc) but ultimately kendall (in s1 mostly) wanted to be the Good Guy but without much foresight on what that actually looks like and i think that’s where his relationships with stewy, rava and sophie come in i suppose. but i don’t think kendall intentionally created a relationship with stewy and rava or adopted sophie out of tokenism or anything. i simply think he connected to stewy and rava in some way mostly because they oppose logan and what he Represents very outwardly and consciously or unconsciously that’s what kendall was looking for. it stems from that patricidal drive + resentment kendall’s always had for logan but ultimately i think kendall is too self absorbed to think more deeply about what stewy or his daughter might face esp in terms of the toxicity of atn or what part kendall himself plays in it all. but i think i agree with you in the sense it seems kendall does think material wealth kind of shields you from having to deal with institutionalised racism + i played back that scene and kendall says wrt to atn and waystar he’s ‘trying to keep the world safe’ for his kids so i do think that he thinks that sophie was ultimately safe from all that and he probably assumes people like stewy and marcia are too. so with that in mind i don’t think he really counts his daughter as part of the many marginalised groups that mencken demonises even though sophie as we see isn’t exempt from facing racism. like at all. as for what kendall’s stance would be on mencken if he was in that room in ‘what it takes’ i could not say for sure but i think that itself goes back to kendall not having any concrete ideology or politics except on an entirely abstract level. like mencken’s a ‘nazi’ but ‘on a business level, they need to have a relationship’ so i think honestly his stance would be completely determined by his state of mind wrt to himself and his father. but no yeah i agree it’s probably extremely difficult for stewy, marcia and stewy who have all at one point been othered or treated as nrpi by the roys while still being closely connected to it all.

[rotteneldritchhorror]

wait we’re allowed to ask about south park? fuck it tell me your south park headcanons fuckboy

well shit this is gonna be a long post because i dont just love the main boys (love is a strong word for some of em) but i also love random obscure characters and even background characters that never speak soooooo....

also! before i start! i mostly headcanon these characters under the idea that theyre like- 19 since i dont have many thoughts other than canon for while theyre the age theyre at in the show itself

Kenny (starting with my favorite who i project the most onto i think): 5'9, pansexual (and romantic), genderfluid girlboything princessgender princessboy genderfuck genderpunk ADHDgender hypererotigender wingedgender transfemme who steals money from their parents to buy estrogen off of like- amazon in bulk and probably sells some to other transfemmes with shitty parents who wont let them transition. for pronouns, is definitely fine with any and all, literally impossible to misgender this creature, but prefers he/she/they/it/xe/ze/angel pronouns. probably started growing his hair out at like 15 and gave up on trying to keep it short and managable, steals makeup from the dollar store for both herself and it's sister, definitely goes punk at some point (all of his pants are crust pants cause they dont get washed /j), and has a shit tonne of patched clothing both for necessity (he still owns his parka even though hes too big for it, probably cut up the sides and sized it up with a bunch of old clothes that dont get used anymore in the family, definitely has stick and poke tattoos (he probably gave a cute lil bow or heart stick and poke tattoo to Karen and angelself a matching one so theyd always have a reminder of each other no matter what) and definitely is the resident bootleg piercer for those who wanted them when they were younger but their parents didnt let them (Craig, stan, probably kyle, definitely tweek) or those who just straight up dont have the money to get professionally pierced. full of many disorders, specifically: autism, ADHD, bipolar, c-ptsd, BPD, combined generalised and focal photosensitive epilepsy, and probably some level of psychosis from all the trauma and drugs

(thats so much and its just one character lol- welcome)

i dont have many hcs about the other 3 main boys?

Kyle: asexual (sex-favourable or indifferent), biromantic, 5'11, transneu agender enby who uses he/they pronouns. has ADHD and his canonical diabetes

Stan: 5'10, bi demiboy and nonbinary man who uses he/they/it pronouns. Puerto Rican/asian/white mixed (i flip flop between east asian or south-east asian, or both- but we vibe). has depression ADHD, BPD and autism, probably got more into grungy/fairy grunge/whimsigoth fashion as he got older, or at least tries to marry goth, grunge and hippie fashion cause he definitely still holds the values associated with those subcultures, probably got suppppeeerrr into politics and protesting at some point, probably steals signs, probably collaborates with Kenny to steal from big stores (just kenny does it to survive and stan does it out of principle)

Cartman: 5'4 and VERY insecure about it, bi and transfemme but like super hyper closeted (i think he probably eventually gets more chill with his own sexuality, but is super super mega bigoted about literally everyone else. him being into men is fine but anyone else is a fag (derogatory). i have hcs for his disorders but i feel like listing them automatically sounds like im demonising them when im not

Butters: 5'5 (and eric fucking HATES her for it), demisexual and pan, nonbinary genderqueer genderfae bungender/traumabungender sanriogender hellokittygender autigender transfemme demigirl who uses she/they/he/bun/soft/lu/🌸/🌈/☀️/🌧/🫧/🪻/🩰/🧼/🎀/🌀 pronouns. has... so many disorders. Autism, c-ptsd, ptsd, night terrors, dissociative amnesia, DPD, delusional disorder, Alice in Wonderland syndrome and a complete blindness in his left eye (for kinda obvious reasons? maybe?). bun changes their name (legally) to Marjorine Leopold Stotch as soon as she turned 18 (without her parents permission), but still uses the nickname Butters because it doesnt feel that gendered to lu. soft sometimes has delusions of being in VR or dead. His parents refuse his diagnoses because it means they did something wrong (which they obviously did lol) so they dont give him medication, Marj mainly gets 🌸s meds from Kenny, Tweek, Tammy Warner (from that one episode where kenny gets a girlfriend whos a 'slut'), and the goth kids (most of them because they have been perscribed the medication, or, in Kenny's case, because they buy/trade perscription drugs). started transitioning without 🌈 parents' knowledge.

Craig: 5'11, gay and demiromantic, outerspacetix voidgender/agender man who uses he/it pronouns. is just- very mixed- its indigenous/south-east asian/peruvian/black/white and is adopted. has ASPD and autism. his 'exception people' (i dont know if thats the official phrase for it, but people with ASPD apparently can have certain people that bring out strong emotions in them- dont take my word for it though, this is second hand info from someone with ASPD i used to watch on tiktok lol) are Tweek, Thomas (from the tourrettes episode) and Stripe (yes, his guinea pig- sh). he's pretty okay at masking emotions when he needs to (mostly to make his boyfriends feel better and in an attempt to sooth their anxieties). he probably starts getting into grunge/punk at some point during his teens- he probably has a patch jacket/battle jacket thats covered in a mix of political and astrology/space related patches. his spin is space, absolutely.

Clyde: 5'8, spanish/east asian bi man (i go back and forth on whether or not to make him cis or trans or like demiboy??? or just a nonbinary man??? idk- just masc), uses he/they/it pronouns and has ADHD and PTSD.

Jimmy: 5'11, Cupiosexual, demiromantic (both bi oriented), is a cis or genderqueer guy and mainly uses he/him but doesnt really care much if you call him anything else, probably has a couple birth marks and cooovveerrsss his crutches in stickers (he probably has a bunch of random stickers related to all kinda shit, 2/3s of which arent even his, he has like- a shit tonne of stickers related to space, and robots, and dark academia, and hearts, and super heros, or whatever the fuck because his friends just give him stickers sometimes)

Tolkien: 6'0, genderfaun enby, omni with a preference for feminine people, has autism and ADHD, uses he/they pronouns, and has a couple scars from canon events (eg; a scar on his forehead from when cartman pelted him with a rock, and a gunshot scar on his shoulder from cartman shooting him)

Tweek: 5'8, nonbinary tweekgender (namegender) demiboy, gaygaygaygaygay, uses he/they/it/tweek/tic pronouns. has ADHD, autism, anxiety disorders and a panic disorder, paranoid personality disorder, C-PTSD, claustrophobia, tourettes and psychosis. he gets triggered by coffee if he hasnt been around coffee for a while (after a while it becomes less triggering and more part of the constant anxiety and paranoia), has psychotic delusions and hallucinations of bugs, the smell of coffee, gangstalking, etc. hes weirdly friends with the goth kids????? tic hangs out with them (as well as Kenny, Craig and butters) a lot, getting to traumadump, rant about anxieties, and just kinda gossip? and it helps it mellow out a bit. (also tweek has a bunch of scars to do with scratching tics, ripping out piercings, etc)

Wendy/Wendyl: 5'9, south east asian, bi, genderfluid/genderfaer, uses she/they/he/fae pronouns and is autistic. her spin is politics and feminism, he has a couple (brightly colored) patch clothes (definitely a pair of patch shorts and a patch skirt). has a couple scars on their knuckles and one on their cheek from fights she's gotten into (both in canon, and during protests or general people fucking with her). fae definitely does kickboxing and probably hosts an underground self defense class for non-men.

i can probably get into more obscure characters now but this is already long enough and im slowly running out of spoons so im kinda done for now

thank you for listening to my autistic ramblings :)

[janeeyreheresy]

Richard Mason

Rochester says this about Richard:

"The elder one [brother], whom you have seen (and whom I cannot hate, whilst I abhor all his kindred, because he has some grains of affection in his feeble mind, shown in the continued interest he takes in his wretched sister, and also in a dog-like attachment he once bore me), will probably be in the same state one day."

Nah. Nothing wrong with Richard. He's just a guy. He's not even feeble minded. He seems to be quite a successful merchant, he's friends with Jane's uncle who we know has made a fortune, and they have to be quite close, otherwise Mr Eyre would not trust him with the important task of stopping the illegal wedding. A person blowing up your dishonest plan does not make them bad or mad, Edward. 

Having said that, though. I appreciate the fact that Rochester appreciates the fact that Richard cares about his sister. So you see, I did find something positive about our Edward.

Richard might admittedly be a harder character to redeem than Blanche, but he's lived in my head as one of the good guys for a few years now, so my mind rejects any other idea. I've never disliked him, from my first reading (back in that ancient time known as the 1990s), at worst I'd felt neutral about his character.

Whilst I can argue that Rochester is lying about the circumstances of his marriage to Bertha--based on his previous lies--I can't do the same for Jane's narration. I have to trust her at least to some extent. But what is her narration with regards to Richard Mason? The day he arrives at Thornfield, when the merry company are present, she spends three paragraphs describing his appearance. She rates him as handsome, but thinks him vapid. I can happily dismiss this as Jane justifying herself for loving an ugly man by demonising a handsome one--we know she has tons of baggage regarding beauty. She's trying to listen to the conversation between Richard and the gentlemen--she's intrigued as Richard introduced himself as an old friend of the Roch--but she can't hear much because Mary Ingram and Louisa Eshton sit between her and the men and gush over how handsome Richard is. 

Burn them at the stake for it, eh, Jane? Because gods forbid someone else find someone who you don't like attractive... 

Where does she even get this from?

His manner was polite; his accent, in speaking, struck me as being somewhat unusual,—not precisely foreign, but still not altogether English: his age might be about Mr. Rochester’s,—between thirty and forty; his complexion was singularly sallow: otherwise he was a fine-looking man, at first sight especially. On closer examination, you detected something in his face that displeased, or rather that failed to please. His features were regular, but too relaxed: his eye was large and well cut, but the life looking out of it was a tame, vacant life—at least so I thought.

Forgive me, Jane, but what you thought means shit to me. (The fuck is a "well cut eye"??? Just one?)

"You detected something in his face"--no, YOU detected whatever you imagined in his face, Jane. Not me. Don't drag the reader into this.

But I liked his physiognomy even less than before: it struck me as being at the same time unsettled and inanimate. His eye wandered, and had no meaning in its wandering: this gave him an odd look, such as I never remembered to have seen. For a handsome and not an unamiable-looking man, he repelled me exceedingly: there was no power in that smooth-skinned face of a full oval shape: no firmness in that aquiline nose and small cherry mouth; there was no thought on the low, even forehead; no command in that blank, brown eye.

This coming from someone who puts Edward Rochester on a pedestal.

"Odd look, such as I never remembered to have seen." She's talking as if she's met thousands of people with thousands of different looks in their eyes, when we know the exact opposite is true. Reminder, item #7 on the list: She has seen nothing of society; the only people she ever had anything to do with were the teachers and pupils at Lowood and the live-in staff at Thornfield Hall. She's not even met any men before Rochester!

What does she want men to look like anyway???

Remember Jane and Rochester's first encounter, when he fell off his horse? Jane could have continued on her way but decided to help him. And the reason she did so was because she could see he was ugly. No kidding, it's right there:

He had a dark face, with stern features and a heavy brow; his eyes and gathered eyebrows looked ireful and thwarted just now; he was past youth, but had not reached middle-age; perhaps he might be thirty-five. I felt no fear of him, and but little shyness. Had he been a handsome, heroic-looking young gentleman, I should not have dared to stand thus questioning him against his will, and offering my services unasked. I had hardly ever seen a handsome youth; never in my life spoken to one. I had a theoretical reverence and homage for beauty, elegance, gallantry, fascination; but had I met those qualities incarnate in masculine shape, I should have known instinctively that they neither had nor could have sympathy with anything in me, and should have shunned them as one would fire, lightning, or anything else that is bright but antipathetic.

Someone get her a therapist.

I'm confident that Jane's descriptions of Richard can be discarded. As for the rest, well what is it that he does that is so wrong? True, he does come across as weak, but nobody is perfect. We don't know what happened in the past, what Rochester did to him to make him fear him. (Edward If-you-won't-listen-to-reason-I'll-try-violence Rochester.) I mean, Briggs has to act like his cheerleader that time in church to get him to speak out. Jane never wonders what makes Richard so afraid of Rochester. To be fair to her, she has other problems at that moment. But, spoiler alert, she doesn't wonder it afterwards, or even think: "well, that makes sense now." Previously, she had seen him in a very vulnerable position--wounded. We're told Bertha is dangerous and violent, so he must have been really seriously wounded, right? Once again, you can't have it both ways. Either the injuries were severe in which case it's understandable he's so shaken, or he's weak and the injuries weren't so severe--but then Bertha is not as dangerous and violent as you try to present her. Personally I think it was more the shock than the injuries.

Like, Jesus. If Bertha is so violent, why the heck does he enter her room unprepared and unarmed? 

Actually...

Did Richard even know her husband kept her locked in the attic? 

Rochester nearly fainted when he heard of Richard's arrival to Thornfield. By his own admission, he was not afraid that Richard would do him any harm, not intentionally. He tells Jane a chance remark by Richard to one of the guests could destroy him. Basically, Richard could casually slip out that he and Edward are brothers-in-law and that, of course, would mean game over for Eddie-Boy. But... why would Richard say anything? Surely he'd rather keep quiet about having an insane sister? Surely it wouldn't be good for his business if it was known there is madness in his family? So why is Rochester worried? 

What are you afraid of, Eddie? 

After the gypsy episode, the two men shut themselves in the library. Did Edward concoct a story about Bertha, justifying why he had to keep her under a lock upstairs? Did Richard not buy the story, and, wanting to satisfy himself, go upstairs to check if it's true? Well, he found out, you can say, but that doesn't negate anything that I've been saying on this blog. And he still cares about her. I know I keep saying it, but it needs to be repeated. Even after she attacked him. Even after she, we are told, sucked his blood. That's canon. Not something I made up. Word of God type of canon.

Charlotte shot herself in the foot for writing him that way, making it so easy for me to disprove her own story--but hey, I ain't complaining. Even the wandering look in his face that Jane describes earlier could be explained by Richard's confusion over the absence of his sister in the drawing room. Or just confusion over there being a party at Thornfield in the first place. If Bertha was mad and he knew she was mad and he knew she was locked upstairs, why were all these important people there, and did they know about their host's marriage? 

It really is rich of Jane to so confidently assert that there was "no thought in his forehead" and "no meaning in his wandering eye". How the fuck can she know that? SHE'S NOT IN HIS HEAD!!! Why has nobody ever questioned this? Why has no clever academic or scholar, in the 175 years the book has been out ever cast doubt over Jane's claim about what goes inside another person's head, a complete stranger's head at that, someone who has literally just walked in, and who she established might not be a native of England? Why does it take someone with no education past high school and complete ignorance of English literature, whose first language is not English, to notice this???

I like to think that after Bertha's attack, Richard finally realises he needs to get his shit together and get her out of there. He contacts someone of the merry company and asks them for help. Sir George Lynn would be the most useful, obviously, but I also like the idea of him becoming friends with the Ingrams.

I like siblings. I enjoy a good sibling dynamic more than a romance. Especially if it is a brother and a sister. And here I have two pairs to play with (Bertha and Richard, and Blanche and Theodore.)

Isn't writing character developments great?

[eyelessrabbit]

I have a homestuck au which plays about heavily with how the cast works, but the general idea is that the game actively goes out of its way to prevent there from being any doubles. So for the biggest change, all the Alpha kids are in the Beta Session. The general backstory for this AU is that the Alpha cast were the original players, they had a null session, but they somehow managed to not only scratch it but travel into the scratch to play their beta counterparts selves. The no doubles part was programmed in by Dirk unknowing to the others because Prince of Heart oh how ye angst:

- When Davesprite time travels back, both Bro and Dave end up dying. Davesprite is very, very much having and existential crisis about that as he basically replaces the original Dave, but all his friends still love him lots though the whole swap trips them out too.

- Hal exists in the beta timeline! He's Bro's Autoresponder, Davesprite ends up getting him and relating very much his plight of how it feels to be a double for someone whose dead, goes through Bro's stuff and makes a robot body for him to have. Sorry shouldnt of added that no doubles rule and got yourself killed, It's hal time baby

- Nanna and Grandpa don't die when they do in canon! They stay alive and raise John/Jade and stay in the game with them (John's dad ends up as his sprite instead). They are of course Jane and Jake, they act the same way, and their history might be tweaked so its the same as what they went through in the Alpha timeline.

- Mom just just just barely manages to survive! You guessed it, she's Roxy. She also is trying stop her alcoholism, and talks a lot more openly to Rose, and all in all while Rose is still trying to demonise her and thinks she's being sarcastic with the wizards they have a wayyyy better relationship.

This works in tandem with my Better Friends Troll AU, which also fucks with the main cast of the Trolls by having them all just genuinely care about each other and having murderstuck happen while they were kids instead of on the meteor (but also they all survive it)

[redvelvetwishtree]

Thought dump about my impression of Ukraine politics based on how America builds a narrative about Russia:

How much of an influence does the US have on Ukraine especially in ensuring that their conflict with Russia remains active? Because Zelensky does not seem like the kind of politician acting on his own for his country's good. Are Ukrainians happy with their current regime?

I have no clue what Ukraine politics is like but if their government is installed by the US and their politicians have bank accounts and properties in the West, this conflict in Russia is 100% for America's benefit and they're just using Ukraine.

Unrelated thought I had a while a back but now I think it adds up with other things. I liked how Russia, China, India and a few other countries I forget were choosing to trade in their own currencies rather than the dollar. I hope they team up together this time because the moment someone does anything not in the US interests, they make sure to degrade, invalidate, antagonise and demonise that person/country in front of the whole world in an incredibly convincing way to a very very extreme extent. I think Iraq tried to move away from the dollar many years back (I think it was Saddam Hussain??) and we saw the aftermath. In the past years, now that they've crippled that country, the US has been trying to actively build narratives about these other countries too. The dollar issue is just one of many things but just connecting a thought I had...

Note that no such narratives were allowed to be weaponised or validated when the US went to war in Iraq, Afghanistan, Pakistan and other countries or when their buddies Israel do anything to Palestine. But conflicts like Russia vs Ukraine are dramatised in their news to an extreme extent. How and why are they building such a different narrative and image this time...? The US is absolutely no different from Russia in this case. No different at all. These are all wars where innocent people die. Putin's justifications for his actions are no different from what Bush, Obama and Biden say although they have progressively learnt to say it in politically correct ways (idk about Trump, he seemed less interested in having military activities outside the US... also probably why his country's establishment hated him and made sure he became unpopular and did not come into power again).

Actually I'm almost fully convinced now that Zelensky and other Ukraine politicians have their lives set thanks to the US. I wonder what Ukrainians think about their government. Do they have any awareness or concept of US-installed governments and regime changes where the US plays an active part in shaping your government? How corrupt do you find your politicians to be or is this something that's not been of interest to the citizens there?

I got quite scared after the Kremlin news. I hope nothing serious happens as a result of this. We know how America retaliates against enemies (that they often just make up) who do something slightly inconvenient for the US...Russia will be no different. Except that this time everyone will be expected to celebrate America against Russia...even though it's probably really just America doing all the provoking through Ukraine.

[omniplant]

^

hey;

i’ve been super inactive lately, and i’m afraid that is going to be continuing. i’m working most of the week, struggling with family issues, and planning multiple events, such as my birthday party (in a new area... when most of my friends live hours away... rip to my new year). 

i hope you all are doing so, so well. all the love i have received on my posts makes my heart glow.

if you’d like to keep in-touch, send me a direct message. i’m also active over on my pinterest.

this is not a goodbye! i’ll return soon. i simply wanted to let you all know about my current status, and that i appreciate every ounce of love you have shared.

thank you so much! <33

- anne

[annikin-annotates]

Funeral HC's For Eddie Munson

A\N: I’m not usually one to write things like this but since Vol 2, I really need to vent. Y’all are just the people sitting by and watching.

WC: 656

Content: Angst, Mentions of death, Crying.

“At least I didn’t run this time, Right?”

You had gotten there too late, you cradled Eddie's body in your arms “Eddie no, no Eddie please come back to me. I can’t do this without you please!” you pleaded, but he was already gone.

Eddie was gone

There wasn’t really a funeral for him when It first happened, but in the months after as Hawkins slowly started to rebuild. Wayne had organised a get together for Eddie’s friends as well as you. You had sat with Dustin, keeping an eye on him. It had been hard for the kid after everything he went through.

Dustin kept close to you after that, He knew that you and him shared the same pain after losing Eddie. He tried to go to Steve, he was sympathetic for his young friend but he wasn’t close to Eddie so he didn’t fully understand. He did his best to help him in any way he could.

You understood though, you understood what Dustin was going through. You started the conversation by asking him if he was okay. It just seemed to pour out of him, like it was the first time someone had cared to listen and reach out to not say “I’m sorry”.

Wayne found himself leaving soon after the makeshift funeral, not being able to fathom staying in a town that demonised his nephew who lost his life trying to save the very town that vilified him.

Before he left, he stopped by your house he didn’t knock, he just left three boxes and drove off. He figured you would see them when you got home.

You came home from volunteering at the shelter to three boxes on your door step, there was no sender but you had a feeling of who they were from. You carried both boxes up stairs to your room and laid them on your bed. Unsure on opening them. There was a little note on the smaller square box

“He would want you to have these”

You lifted the lid off the box, it was his vest and jacket. you lifted them out of the box and held them to your chest, inhaling the ghost of him. You couldn’t control your emotions, you let out tear after tear, sobs wracking your rib cage and tearing through your throat.

You had managed to calm down enough to look in the second longer box it was his guitar, his sweetheart.

And in the final box, the smallest of the three sat his rings glistening in the light of your room. Your hand covered your mouth as you let out an uncontrollable sob again.

You called Dustin the next day, you sat him down on the couch. He was tired, his eyes hollowed and dark, the eyes of a kid who had seen too much pain. Too much misfortune.

You gave him the small box, pushing it into his hand. His rings. You had already had one strung onto a necklace, a necklace you never took off, it was only right for Dustin to have them.

“Eddie would have wanted you to have these Dustin, he loved you like the little brother he never had. Before all of this happened, he told me to keep you safe, to keep an eye on you if this ever happened. I told him he was crazy to think like that. He sacrificed himself for a place who hated him, that says more to us than any eulogy. He would want you to help those lost sheep Dustin, they need you.”

You held Dustin close as he cried, the poor kid. He stayed with you that night, you told him he was welcome anytime. Eddie told you to protect him, that life would eat him alive. And protect him you would.

You would protect him, because you couldn’t protect Eddie.

[notabled-noodle]

If you don't mind me asking, what was bad about a typical? I didn't really see anything wrong with it, but maybe that's just me lol.

*deep breath out*

okay so keep in mind that I've only seen bits and pieces of the first season. I watched the first episode with the rest of my family, and it distressed me so much that I would try to leave the room any time it was on. I have seen enough to know that it's pisspoor representation though

when they show the dude having a meltdown... I cannot imagine meltdowns being like that. because it's so far outside of what happens for me. it definitely feels like the writers are trying to go "ooh look how melodramatic this silly boy is being"

the mum. she's a classic autism mum, and she never seems to get much flack for how she treats her son. she definitely gets flack from her daughter, but that's unrelated to the fact that the mum is openly ableist several times

that autism-parent support group... the dad being corrected for saying that he has an autistic son... "it's son with autism" *bleh*

the dynamic between the autistic guy and his therapist is fucking creepy. I know some autistic people don't understand power dynamics in that way, but it is not at all consistent with the dude's other traits. it's almost just thrown in there for the lols

this is just a personal gripe, but the way they talked about the silent disco drove me up the fucking wall

this is unrelated to the autism, but the way his sister's bisexuality is talked about made me so deeply uncomfortable... it felt really biphobic

ALSO the fact that the autistic dude needed more support than his sister was demonised. it was him that was "too much" in that situation, rather than their parents screwing up

okay, that's kind of it. I hate the show so so so much. especially since my parents were watching it around the time I was asking to get diagnosed with autism. and because I am literally nothing like Mr Autism From Atypical, they were doubtful that I would actually get an autism diagnosis (my dad: "you're just socially anxious!"). no hate to any autistic person who likes the show and sees themselves in it, I just... yeah. no.