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waklman · 2 years ago

Text

Of Course He Loves Me

summary: your past comes back to haunt you, and your roomate jake is there to witness it.

pairing: jake seresin x female reader

warnings: hurt/comfort. talks of past exploitive experiences, bad treatment of women, negative self talk, and allusions to sex. 18+ blog.

a/n: inspired by rhiannon mcgavin qoute shown above bc it reminds me of jake :)

word count: 3.6k.

“Do we want chocolate chips in our pancakes?” Jake asks, solemnly, waiting for you to make the executive decision.

“I think we do,” you confirm, matching his serious tone—twisting your middle to grab the said bag of sweets. The plastic crinkles when he takes it from you, with a pleased hum.

Jake sets it down, then quickly scans the spread in front of him. His eyebrows pinch together, realizing he’s missing just one item. “Pancake mix..” he lowly mutters to himself.

You scoot forward, aiming to hop off the counter to fetch it, but Jake stops you–pinning the hem of your sleep shirt down against the countertop with his hand, wordlessly telling you to stay put with a shake of his head. He doesn’t spare you a second to object–already guiding himself across the kitchen in search of the box of dry ingredients himself.

A defeated sigh slips your lips, looking ahead as he trudges off with heavy footsteps.

The towhead blond has yet to tame his bed head–there’s two pieces of hair sticking out each side of his head resembling ears, making him look like a newborn kitten.

While he slowly sifts through the cabinets, the sunlight filtering through the apartment reflects off something on his finger, drawing your attention away from the state of his hair. You softly smile to yourself, seeing the ring you had on last night, now sitting safely on his pinky finger. It was a drunken habit of yours—you somehow always lost track of your personal belongings on nights out. Knowing this, Jake made sure to keep your things under his care when you had too much to drink.

Your chest tightens in appreciation for him, there was no one who looked out for you the way he did.

“Whoever gets to marry you, has to be the luckiest girl in the world,” you announce quietly, looking down at your legs, bringing them to a slow stop–no longer unconsciously swinging them. You blink in recognition, seeing that at some point last night–he pulled a pair of fluffy socks onto your feet. You wiggle your toes, as all the events—previously muddled by alcohol, start to come back to you.

“Marriage? Darling, I thought we’d be roommates for life,” he quips with a light laugh, carrying the acquired box back over to join you and the rest of the ingredients.

“I’m serious, not everyone is lucky enough to have someone like you,” you try to laugh, but it falls short—now aware of the reason why you drank so much in the first place. Fuck.

In an attempt to distract yourself, you look past your own feet, searching for something to steady yourself on–and your eyes land right onto Jake’s feet. He has on a pair of your fluffy socks too, but they’re an older set, with matted tufts of cotton and elastic fibers scutching in on itself.

Jake sets down the box, putting a pause on breakfast for now, troubled by your abrupt silence. He can see from the corner of his eye that you’re just vacantly staring at the floor. Something about the shift in demeanor ticks off a warning signal in his head.

Then, it clicks. You got wasted last night, throwing back shots like it was nothing. When he tried to probe, you drunkenly told him you just wanted to try something new. And a part of Jake found it off-putting—you had an affinity for sweet drinks, so why the need for change?

A knowing concern coats his thoughts immediately.

“Did he text you again?” He asks, face unafraid. But deep in his gut, Jake feels the anxiety anchoring him down from where he stands, locking his knees in place. He wills himself to look away from the box mix in front of him, finally lifting his head up to look at you.

From your peripheral, you can see Jake’s eyes set on the side of your face, patiently waiting for a response. In no way does he rush you, but you feel hurried to give him an answer. Yet you can’t. The walls of your throat have already swelled thick, pressing together at the center, preventing you from speaking.

Jake swallows grimly, eyes dropping down to see you gripping onto the granite counter for dear life, knuckles tight and veins about to burst from excessive strain. After a beat of silence, he calmly moves around you, flipping on the sink beside you.

The panic that takes hold of you doesn’t allow you to see him test the temperature of the water, nor does it let you feel the way he carefully pries your hand from the counter, easing each finger off the cold ledge. You’re brought back once you feel a warm liquid run over your hand. It slips through your fingers and soothingly traces the skin of your wrist, that’s held by him–you can feel everything again.

Jake slowly takes in a breath, allowing you to mimic him. His eyes are still locked on you, and a brush of relief briefly sweeps his heart when he notices you taking languid breaths with him. Though, your gaze is still lowered, eyes focused on the lining of his socks.

After a few more steady exhales, you attempt to reply to Jake’s question again–but embarrassment enters your system, holding you back. You chose to slowly nod instead, knowing he’ll understand. “Okay, I see,” Jake answers cautiously, keeping his voice low.

He’s still holding your hand under the running water, with both of you acutely aware of the deja vu that washes over this familiar exchange of words. It’s almost a pitiful routine that you two fall into every year–all starting with a text from your ex-boyfriend each time.

It’s as though you could never get rid of him—the older guy you met working part time back in highschool always made yearly appearances in your life again, like it’s some twisted occasion he must attend to.

He’d tie you down, under the false promise that “he’s changed”—convincing you to meet up with him. And you’d go, fully expecting to receive an apology—chasing that closure you deserved. But everytime, without fail, your old wound would be mercissley torn right open by him, raw and bloody for the world to see—for him to see.

And it was ruthless, the way he’d ripped you apart, belittling you, reminding you how gullible and worthless you are—throwing it in your face for his own sadistic pleasure. No one will ever love you if you’re this pathetic, crawlin’ back to me like some fucking puppy. It made him satisfied with himself, knowing you’d always be there for him to gain a sense of control again. He chased that high each year, renewing himself with it—tossing you aside like garbage, after he got what he wanted, until he needed you again next time.

And everytime, Jake was there for you after shit hit the fan—holding back his anger, while he consoled you–trying his hardest to sweetly smile at you while you weakly combat your heartache. Jake hated how useless he felt—his efforts were always futile. Because, truly there was nothing he could do to stop the hurt that laid inside of you.

But there was one thing Jake could do, and that was making sure to never express his disdain for your decision to see your ex, because he knew how you felt when everyone else in your life did. It made you feel small and stupid—the two things Jake never wanted you to feel about yourself. To him, you were nothing but forgiving and sweet, just stuck in a harmful cycle. This was not your fault, it never was.

Back when you two were teenagers, Jake had been somewhat alarmed by your relationship with the guy, because what did a man of his age want with you? But Jake held his tongue and trusted you, holding back his concerns when you told him about your new boyfriend, because you glowed like you never had before. So, seventeen year old Jake did what he thought was best—he kept his mouth shut—because what kind of best friend would he be if he stood in the way of your happiness?

But, if he knew then, what he knew now, Jake would have done anything in his power to stop you from ever meeting him. Because that jerk shouldn’t have ever been interested in someone so much younger than he was, in the first place. It took Jake years of maturing, reaching his very age today to come to that realization because now you two are no longer kids.

“And he wants to see you again?” he asks, jaw clenched, already knowing the answer.

You swallow. “I’m seeing him next week.”

“Jake?”

“Yes?” Jake answers before he can even think, already peeking over the back of the couch in search of you.

He looks in the direction of the wall by the end of the hallway, patiently waiting for your footsteps to finally reach there.

You come out, holding up the front of your dress and Jake doesn’t know what to feel. “Can you help me zip this up?” you ask, embarrassed you couldn’t get your dress on fully. Your hands had been trembling all day, knowing who you’ll be seeing tonight.

Jake immediately rushes to get up at your request—not letting you take another step towards him. You lightly smile, not surprised by his behavior at all. He’d been like this since you met, programmed to never let you take the extra mile to reach him.

“I shared my location with you,” you whisper, back facing towards him now. You shiver, feeling his knuckle brush against the exposed skin there, gently holding the small zipper between his fingers.

“Why? I trust you.” He pretends to be unaware of the situation, trying to convince himself that his gut feeling isn’t true—that you’re not seeing him tonight.

“I’m seeing him in a bit, and I just—I want you to have my location.” Jake finally zips up your dress, feeling like he sealed your fate—you’re destined for a dreadful night, and he can’t do anything about it.

He reaches for your waist, but doesn’t have to do much to get you to turn around, because you’re already spinning around to face him.

Jake swallows hard. You look almost unreal under him—too pretty for his brain to even comprehend. And a part of Jake hates that he won’t be the only one who gets to see you like this, especially not tonight.

“Okay,” he stares down at you, expression unreadable.

You look up at him, wanting him to give you a reason to stay instead—but he doesn’t see the thought begging to be seen in your head, too distracted by the sick feeling pooling in his stomach.

“Be safe, and remember to text me, please,” he whispers, pressing a delicate kiss to your forehead—as if he’s implanting his reminder there.

The light pressure of his lips makes your heart melt in your chest. With his hands still on your waist, Jake lightly pulls you into him, not sure if it’s to comfort you—or himself. He just knows that he needs to hold you. You instinctively lean into his touch as he begins to wrap his arms around you securely. “Will you come pick me up after?” you mumble, against his shirt.

“I’ll be there the moment you tell me to.” He assures you, meaning it fully.

Jake feels restless, swerving into the acceleration lane, slamming his foot on the gas. The rain harshly slamming down against his windows just spurs him on even further, bringing him past the speed limit.

It’s already well past midnight, and you called him not long ago, barely able to get out a word, too choked up even speak—having to hang up and text him instead.

Leading up to this, Jake had been shamelessly checking your location. With every second that passed with no update from you, his leg bounced harder against the wooden floor, prompting the downstairs neighbor to smack their ceiling, warning him to knock it off for the fifth time. But he couldn’t bring himself to care.

Jake had practically lunged at his phone when you finally called, heart sinking when he painfully listened to you whimper–the only coherent word that left your mouth was his name.

He already knew your location, rushing to meet you there now. It’s a ten minute drive from here, Jake made sure to check—but he’s already nearing you in under three minutes.

It’s not long until he spots you in the empty parking lot. He practically throws himself out the car, ignoring the fact that his door is still slung open.

The sight of you sitting on the wet pavement, knees protectively pulled against your chest, and face buried into your hands makes him sick to his stomach. It takes everything in him to maintain his composure, finally reaching you as he lowers himself to your level.

All the weight of his worries pit against him now, making it hard to breathe—it’s suffocating almost.

With careful hands, he wraps his fingers around your cold ankles, attempting to regulate your body temperature, sweetly swiping the skin there. Jake swallows unsurely, feeling you shake like a leaf under him.

In the palms of your hands, you’re biting back the viscous cry threatening to spill over. Jake’s chest caves in, weak from seeing like this. “It’s okay, let it out.” he permits, leaning in to whisper the words against your ear–drowning out the sound of the rain completely.

It’s okay, let it out. Those five words mean more to you than you could take, especially coming from Jake.

Before you can even realize it, the honeyed reassurance opens the flood gates to everything you’ve been suppressing. The horrible insults you pathetically took in the past hour, the sickly feeling of his hands on you from earlier, and the stabbing memories from years ago all bubble to the surface. And you finally break.

You lamely fall forward, with Jake catching you immediately, in his arms–as the sound of your cry finally echoes into the air. It hurts–the way it thrashes against the walls of your throat, and mercilessly sears through your lungs. It hurts so much, but you can’t hold it in anymore–instead, you force yourself to take on the painful feeling as the cry empties out of you.

Jake screws his eyes shut at the withering sound, promising to himself that this is the last time he’ll have to hear you like this. He will never let you feel this way again.

Trying to keep his voice from trembling, Jake forces himself to smile, sweetly whispering to you, once again. “Let’s head home, Darling.”

You haven't said a word since you two got back, too ashamed to speak of tonight’s events.

But Jake doesn’t show you any sign of judgment, as he pulls out your skincare bottles from the drawer with pursed lips. He came into the bathroom, after waiting outside for you to finish your shower, helping you prep for bed now.

“Toner pads first,” he declares softly, screwing open the container.

You tiredly look through him, unable to tear the sad expression off your face. But he softly smiles at you anyway, carefully swiping the cotton pads against your skin.

It’s like this for the next few minutes—with you lost in your thoughts, sitting on the sink while Jake does his best to correctly go through each step of your routine.

“I’m so naive,” you weakly profess out of nowhere, starting to sniffle.

Jake stills, putting down your moisturizer, remaining quiet to let you continue.

“I was—I am, so stupid Jake,” you correct yourself. “I can’t even be mad that everyone looks at me like I’m—like I'm dumb,” you spit out. “I deserve to feel like an idiot, because I just am.” Your voice begins to tremble, but you keep going anyway. “Of course, I had to throw myself at the first person who gave me an ounce of attention, because I knew no one else would, but look where that got me.” You pause, harshly wiping away the rogue tear that slips down your cheek. “He’s right Jake, I’m damaged goods, no one can love me when I’m like this.” Jake breathes heavily, dissecting the way you talk about yourself. You couldn’t be more wrong.

“Stop it.” he says sternly, no longer smiling.

His tone catches you by surprise, and you’re scared to keep looking at him. He looks so tired of you—so done with you. Anyone else would’ve given up on you by now, it comes as no surprise that he’s taken the chance to do so.

You lock your eyes on the limp hands in your lap instead, ready for him to admit defeat, like he should. Instead, Jake catches your discernment and reaches out to grab your hands.

“Look at me,” he says more softly this time.

Tentatively, you lift your head to look at him again, ignoring the tears blurring your vision.

He takes a deep breath, before speaking again.

“You’re not naive. You're not stupid. You're not dumb. You’re not an idiot. You’re not damaged goods,” he says firmly, addressing all the hurtful terms you called yourself. “And you’re not incapable of being loved.” You feel your bottom lip quiver at the final statement.

“If any of that was true, I wouldn’t be able to care for you so much, but I do. I care about you so fucking much,” he says, face contorted in pain, seeing the disbelieving look on your face. “You’re everything he’s not. Every bad thing he says to you, is not about you at all. It’s about him. He’s naive, he’s stupid, he’s dumb, he’s the idiot, and he's the damaged one.” You finally allow the tears to drip down to your neck—completely soaking the neckline of your shirt.

Your eyes snap shut, shaking your head at him, denying what he says. “I mean everything I said.” Jake affirms again, gently swiping away your salty tears. You still don't believe him.

“How do—how do you not hate me, as much as I hate myself?” The choked out sentence punches him right in the heart. This hurts Jake most of all.

You turn your head away from him, eyes still screwed shut. But he’s already pulling his hands from your lap, to cradle your head in his hands instead.

“I can never hate you,” he says, voice strung in hurt. He doesn’t know what was the worst part of your question. How could you possibly hate yourself? How could he possibly hate you? And how can you possibly hate something, he loved so dearly.

You open your eyes, ready to spit out something—anything that’s hurtful enough to get rid of him. He doesn’t deserve to deal with you anymore. But the words die on your tongue, because he’s looking at you with so much concern, with so much love.

And it’s as if your body has a mind of its own, because now you lurch forward, capturing his lips in a kiss.

Your head spins when kisses you back in an instant, purposefully slotting his lips against yours, like he has the ability to suck out the hurt living inside you. But it feels like he does, because it's healing, the way he kisses you.

Your heart bursts under your ribs, feeling him slowly drop his hands to your waist, thumbs swiping over the fabric of your shirt, with no urge to take it off you. Yet he’s still able to pull a noise from you, swallowing it down his throat as it leaves you.

His tongue slips into your open mouth next, curling against your own wet muscle—its almost euphoric. The entire room blurs around you, your mind can’t process anything—but him.

Yet, you pull away first, shocked by the unfamiliar feeling that started brewing in your tummy. You blink shyly at him, he’s fully pressed against you now. “I can never hate you,” he whispers the affirmation again, planting a kiss on your forehead. He stamps the declaration there, hoping it never leaves your mind.

“I know,” you answer him, believing him this time. Jake swallows, seeing you stare up at him, trusting him fully.

Without a thought, Jake leans back down to peck your lips, drawn in by the way it’s wet with his saliva. It’s meant to be short, because his lips are already drifting from yours—but you chase after the feeling in your stomach again, feeling it growing stronger. Jake hands trail down to your hips, squeezing them in surprise, kissing you back.

He feels your hands already reaching for his pajama pants, fingers digging into the band, and he stops you, moving his hands to coax yours away from there.

You retract your mouth from his, feeling regretful. “Shit, I’m sorry Jake I—”

“It's not that.” He assures you. Your brows furrow at his reply, until you understand the apologetic look he’s now giving you—and you know exactly what it means. I love you, but not tonight.

You nod.

Jake kisses the corner of your mouth, withdrawing his hands to dig out something from his pocket. You smile at what he pulls out from there. It’s a pair of mismatched fluffy socks, one blue and one pink.

You both look down at his own feet, and he lets out an embarrassed laugh. He’s wearing the matching pair for each sock in his hand. His left foot has a blue sock on it while the other has the pink sock.

A warm feeling pins you down—Jake is wearing your socks.

note: this one is very special to me, so thank you for reading. as always, reblogs are very greatly appreciated!

taglist: @pono-pura-vida @teaminator @alana4610 @angellwingsss @nataddz @deliriousfangirl61 @bookchik26 @little-wiseone @lonelysoul50

join my taglist here or follow me on @waklman-library & turn on notifs there to be notified when i post!

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frogchiro · 1 year ago

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Ok quick question tho like I’m generally trying understand because I just saw that whole argument on your page

How is engaging in a sexual relationship with something you portray as a animal not a type of zoephilla or however u say it I just don’t get it. Like I get it’s a human walking around as a cow but you’re still making that person act and behave as a cow so it’s coming off as a naughty cow that needs to be punished right?. Because if that was the case why can’t it just be getting punished without the animal part? Like what would being an animal add to it?

I’m really trying to get this like not trying to start shit because I’ve never heard about this before 👍🤗

And you're a completely blank blog who comes into a 18+ space. Yummers. To be perfectly clear, I'm only entertaining you because I really have enough of this argument and this is the last thing I'm posting about this and then I'm closing it.

I have no idea where the idea that when writing/reading about hybrid characters is about fucking actual animal came from and I frankly don't want to know but here's the thing: they are literally humans with some animal traits. The traits being ears, tails, sometimes a bit of extra fur or horns and that's it. Hybrids are written to be perfectly able to speak, think, do things for themselves, just are regular humans with some unusual traits. The farm/forest/whatever setting people are writing for are just that- settings for a specific au or scene that the authors create but again, the hybrid characters are perfectly capable of voicing and giving/revoking consent, sane adults and it's always explicitly stated. If you read a hybrid character as an actual animal then it's you whos the problem bc why the hell would you even do that. Like. Why.

Put on a headband with cat ears and tell me what happened. Did you turn into a cat? Did you turn into an animal or do you feel like one? Ofc you don't and the same thing is with hybrids. They're humans with fucking ears and tails but the only difference is that they can move them.

If you really wanna be nitpicky then why not bash a/b/o too since the characters have ruts/go through heats/behave in a generally much more animalistic way? Why don't we go further and throw out the mermaid trope too that's been with humanity since the dawn of time? Succubus trope? Yeah fuck that too.

I'm seeing a ton of negativity and toxicity in the cod fandom lately with some random people bashing and shittalking authors who guess what, creating content for free. No ones paying us to write, we do it bc we like to do it out of our free will. It takes time and effort to put out even a blurb and shit like this is just discouraging me and other content creators which results in them stopping writing or leaving the fandom alltogether and honestly? I don't blame them at all and I thought more than once to do the same.

But back on track. My advice? Don't get into anime, like, ever. Because then you will be in for a ride when a uwu catgirl pops up pal.

#kin speaks #asks #interactions #does this soud agressive and mean? yes #do i care? not anymore #because i'm sick and tired of this argument #not even directed towards this specific person #but if you put the same effort into doing something actually good istead of hating #then the world would be a much better place #not everything you encpuner will be made towards your specific tastes #not everything is made for your liking specifically unless you custom order it #if this is not for you? then its perfectly okay and nothing wrong with it #but stop shitting on others for making something YOU dislike #bc ultimately no one really cares and it's not in anyones interest but yours

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icyy-hoon · 2 months ago

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hi! im one of tama's friends and i saw that you "addresed" the thing about her being a minor and you hinted that she may have a bad influence at school or at home which i find kinda rude tbh and making a topic well known where a minor is included its kinda hypocrite too bc she already said that some people have attacked her in her inbox (which i have proof) and even emi (emisloves) herself has insulted her publicly by calling her slurs. i would be so grateful if you and the other people in enhablr that are interesed in the topic let it go for once.

not trying to be rude to you bc youre actually vv sweet but, how would you feel if people were in your inbox constantly asking your age (which they alr know) and leaving passive-aggressive asks?

all those people who find it weird enough to see a 15yo reading/writing smut should start taking a walk every morning or in their free time. yall do not know tama at all and how shes doing to be assuming she has some problems to be interacting with written smut, what yall should focus on should be on how not to expose a minor knowing damn well any kind of people are going to end in her blog and anything can happen.

hi there!

first of all, i apologize for saying she had a bad influence at school or at home; nevertheless i did not state that she does. I said maybe, and i'm simply assuming it because ppl are frequently impacted by what we can consider to be terrible things maybe at school, at home, or on social media.

secondly, abt the hypocrisy, i am just doing my job by addressing this matter as best as i can. As for those ppl, i can't stop them from doing that. If I really do take down the post related to this matter, some people would still come into her inbox, and send hate messages. I can say, that by taking down the post, it will reduce the number of hate messages she recieves, but what about emi's post? i believe emi has a lot of fans who will always check her acc and eventually, will see the posts related to tama there.

thirdly, i actually don't find it completely odd. maybe in 50% ? because i thought abt this : if they are 15 years old, and they interacted with nsfw stuffs, what's different when they're 18 years old later? Is it wrong if a 15 years old does it? and i observed a lot of opinions stating that's not good because they can't think clearly, or it can affects their lives. And i believe, they are overly concerned about the possibility of them falling into something unsuitable for their age such as s*x, is high.

fourthly, i'd like to apologize for anything i said, that may have affected some people, upset some people, or made some people think i was impolite. I'm really sorry; if i don't remove this post, people will send you negative and harsh messages, tama. I definitely need some time to think. But i believe tama is a strong girl, a strong person, and has changed. So, everyone out there, please stop sending her hate message since she' has quit writing smuts for now.

let me know what your opinions! should i remove the post? or keep it?

tagging some moots to help me decide :

@dollyhoon @amorek1m @yuvany @eunimaybe @regularsuh

@ikeuberri @chaconnenha @haerni @cupidriki @flwrstqr

@mioons @heeblurs @wonsprincess @kairoot @miumura

@sunrenity @kissofhoon @dollyrin @enhas-lvr

#ㅤ ✧ 𝓵𝗂𝗅𝗒’𝓼 𝗍𝖺𝗅𝗄𝗌ㅤ #ㅤ 隐 𝓷𝖾𝗈𝗇𝗇𝗂𝖾 #i am absolutely sorry

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forbidding-souda · 11 months ago

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Mod Souda!~ I have never requested fic before, this is entirely new territory so please forgive me if I misstep. ^_^; Could I please request HC's regarding Korekiyo x autistic S/O? I tried finding similar in the master list, alas I could not which is completely on me if I wasn't thorough enough.

A little afterword of gratitude also for your masterful works on Korekiyo in particular, the way you HC him is beautiful. He is my ultimate comfort character and your content is poignant for me. I also wish you the absolute best on finals and in life in general! (⁠.⁠ ⁠❛⁠ ⁠ᴗ⁠ ⁠❛⁠.⁠)♡ I hope you are faring well. Thank you for all that you do here

Shinguuji Korekiyo with Autistic S/O

I've had this blog since quarantine so I can't even remember if I've written anything like this so I'm happy to write one for you regardless or not if it's a repeat.

Hai guys I don't have my edited sprites anymore bc I deleted them awhile ago so here's normal souda. Also if this is ass then my bad

hashtag actually autistic btw for anyone reading, i think it's right to share that when I write these ofc

okay mod souda behavior here where I say random stuff before each story but I'm watching impractical jokers rn and I don't know how some people watch this because the secondhand embarrassment is insane I literaly have to look away PLZZZ. This took an hour to write because half way through I started watching impractical joker clips on youtube (while the show is playing on the tv)

-Mod Souda

♥ He isn't a stickler about your interests. A good thing about being with him is that he won't make fun of you for anything you enjoy, no matter if he enjoys it himself or not. He'll never ask you to turn a movie off or to stop talking about something. He knows more than anybody else how isolating it can feel when somebody refuses to try and tolerate other people's passions; he would never put you down.

♥ He's naturally off-putting. If you experience people considering you off-putting then don't feel alone because Shinguuji is considered off-putting as well. He brushes off the negative things people thinks when it comes to himself, but when it comes to you and the negativity you face, it's hard for him to conceal how irritated he gets.

♥ I know some people have hyperfixations of like medieval torture methods so imagine how much he'd love that.

♥ ^ You also have the chance to teach him about really niche things, that's pretty sweet.

♥ ^ But I imagine that with some topics, he's gonna try and teach you about your own hyperfixation and it's gonna get annoying.

♥ He loves ur reactions to things. He gets so gushy-gushy and poetic. He likes finding what words make you smile, which ones make you laugh and which ones make you want to roll your eyes.

You stared back at him for a few seconds. He held an intense, filling gaze. The two of you were sitting on a park bench, facing the trees and enjoying the sounds of the birds. In between the conversation, there were moments of silence. Usually, he'd break them with small, unrelated sentences, but he's been quiet. "Korekiyo," you said quietly, a bit worried to startle him. To you, he was either in deep thought or, more humorously, sleeping with his eyes open. It took you to say it louder before he turned away. "My apologies," he smiled with a tilt of his head. His hair cascaded down his shoulder. His eyes went to the green leaves dancing in the wind. "We sit here in such a beautiful place, so lively. Most people would give their life away to view a sight like this." With no response, you just stared at him more, already knowing what he was going to say. He looked at you. "I've been all around the world and so I do not wish to waste my time looking at something I've seen before. You, however, do not come close to any of the beauties our world gives to us." "You love me so much, don't you?" You gave him a smile while his yellow eyes developed a look of interest: "You say that but do not realize that jests can be true words, too."

♥ If you need your alone time, he isn't going to stop you because he likes his, too. He knows that obviously you can be infatuated with somebody while also finding comfort in solitude.

♥ ^ And with that, he also has his own boundaries when it comes to where he goes whenever he wants solitude. He likes reading his books and analyzing his artifacts, all of which takes place in his study.

♥ ^ Yeah and don't touch his stuff because he is very protective of his collections. Therefore, he'd also never mess with something you own.

♥ If you're the type of person to have stuffed animals, and especially make them talk, he isn't going to pick up on that very quickly as means of a thing people still do. He'll give a history lesson as to 'ah yes, i've learned about this form of imagination within cultures of story telling, oral adventures'.

♥ Most of the time, he'll put your comfort over his.

♥ He'll stay up with you whenever you have trouble sleeping and are fully awake at 2am, no matter the cost. He is going to make sure that you know he is always there for you. He always has things to do.

♥ If you need help falling asleep, he'll do things like sing to you and let you watch videos in bed, whatever will make you most comfortable.

♥ He got some crazy eye contact btw I just want to put that out there.

#Shinguji korekiyo x reader #shinguuji korekiyo x reader #danganronpa x reader #x reader #drv3

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mariejordans · 10 months ago

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i honestly don’t even know where to begin with this post, so i guess i’ll start with hi! sorry, i’ve been gone so long, though probably most of you didn’t even notice i was gone lol. sorry for not giving any warning to my absence, and i am especially sorry to the mutuals who have reached out to me that i haven’t responded to. i was and still am struggling with anxiety and depression and towards the new year it was getting to be a bit much for me, so i decided to take a mental health break from social media.

i’d honestly been contemplating coming back, but today i received a dm from someone with a link to a post that was accusing me of bullying and creating fake accounts to bully other people in this fandom. first of all, i would like to emphasize that this is not true. attached below is a screenshot of all the blogs that i own (EDIT 2/9/24: i have since deleted the screenshot for my own privacy and i believe that since i made this post, there has been more than enough evidence to clear my name.) milfsociety is my main account, which i have linked before on this blog and many of my mutuals also follow me on my main, and the rest of them are just me saving my old usernames or other sideblogs that i rarely use, but all of them have been inactive for two months at least.

i do NOT condone bullying ever, and to be continually accused of it by this person is very disheartening. it started with this post (seen below) that i made back in november after seeing a post discrediting marie as the main character of gen v. i admit that my language was probably a bit harsher than was necessary, but honestly my intention was not to send hate to op (which is why i never tagged it with any gen v related tags) but to defend marie. it also wasn’t meant to be solely specific to this one person but as a general post because at the time, there were lots of accounts discrediting marie and to be honest, i was just kinda venting bc of how sick of it i was. (also, just to mention, i have intentionally left out their username because the last thing i want is to send hate to this person.) this was the only post i made on the topic and later i heard that apparently op blocked me afterward (which does not offend me in the slightest since i have since done the same thing) so this honestly should have been the end of it.

i honestly hadn’t given this post a second thought until a little under a month later i received this ask out of nowhere, accusing me of ableism and bullying. i replied to this ask, which i will link here. honestly this ask came as a complete shock to me, because i had honestly forgotten all about my previous post.

i responded to anon and in the reply i apologized to their friend for my hurtful comments and expressed that it was never my intention to attack anyone, especially anyone with a disability, which i did not know about when i initially made the first post. i also explained my side, stating why i made the post in the first place, which i still stand by. originally, i had linked their post in my reply, which in hindsight was a mistake that i regret and i should’ve known better. again, my last intention ever is to spread hate and negativity or to bully anyone, so i deleted the link when i was asked by a third party. this person has also since deleted that post about marie entirely.

shortly after i posted the reply, i guess i can only assume that whoever anon was told them about the reply. i’m honestly not sure if they’ve ever actually read this reply or not, but they made a response to my reply, accusing me of harassment and bullying. honestly, it really confused me at the time, since i’d only made two posts in reference to them, and one was a reply to an ask, but we ended up having a third party account who was mutuals with both of us acting as a mediator to settle things and i genuinely wanted to move on from the situation. we both had each other blocked and it seemed to me that anon was just trying to instigate more drama between us, so i thought it best to just leave it at that. i was also going through some mental health issues at the time (unrelated to this situation even though it didn’t help) and had been considering taking a break from tumblr, and so i thought it would be best to just go inactive for a while.

this is honestly the first time i’ve used tumblr in the two months since i’ve been gone, so i have no idea what else has been happening regarding any other blogs and this person, but apparently i am being named as the sole instigator here and i just wanted to once and for all clear up this issue and my name. i’m honestly not sure if this person will see this post or if they’ll even accept it as truth. i can’t force them or anyone to believe me as i really don’t know what else i’d have to do to prove that i don’t have any other secret accounts other than making this post.

i will probably continue to be inactive on this account as i think it is in everyone’s best interest. i never wanted to contribute or start any drama in this fandom, but i feel like i am partially responsible in how this situation has turned out, so i would also like to apologize to you all as well. i’ve never had an account of mine get as big as this one has (thank you to everyone who liked and supported my silly little ramblings!) and i can honestly say i have had the best time interacting and fangirling with you all about this show and these characters that i love so much and i will continue to enjoy and love gen v and marie from afar!

goodbye for now,

rose (aka mariejordans)

#gen v #heronamedhawks #update this user is actually a racist transphobic piece of shit so please block them and do not give them any more of your attention

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didderd · 1 year ago

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i've been confused about this for a while now, and i just keep seeing it. people who have "anti-endo" or "non-traumagenics dni" etc. in their bios or posts.

it confused me bc after looking into it, i found that endogenic is just a term for another type of system.

it immediately rubbed me wrong that people are excluding these people simply for what they are.

and after doing some research, i'v realized that it's fake claiming culture...

if these people make you uncomfy, sure you don't have to interact with them, but you do not live in their head. you can't decide if they have a disorder or not.

same shit happens with tic disorders. people with tics claiming that someone else is faking simply because their tics don't look the same, or they happen differently, etc.

as someone who can't fucking stand fake claiming, i have to say something.

fake claiming is never ok

full stop.

someone's system developed differently than yours? works differently than yours? they'r different than you, that is all. don't assume they're just lying.

and if they are lying, they are not doing as much damage as you would be doing by accusing them of such, and it turns out they'r not lying. don't take that chance. i'v heard how much fake claiming can take a huge tole on someone's mental, even ruin their life if it gets bad enough. and usually it's not even true.

if you want to know more about these systems, here is a link too an article, made by the people who proposed the terms. and here is an important part of it:

"The terms traumagenic and endogenic, which are now often used to try and divide the community into “fake” and “real” systems, were never meant to be used as such. We proposed them, and a few other terms, back in mid 2014 just as a way for people to move away from medicalized terms, to help phase out the term “natural system”, and give non-medicalized systems words they could use to better describe their experiences.

Endogenic simply means, a system not formed from trauma or other negative life experiences. It doesn’t mean they never experienced trauma, just that it isn’t what formed them. It doesn’t mean “healthy” or “non-disordered”. Endogenic systems can and sometimes do experience amnesia, dissociation, distress, and dysfunction. There are quite a few hypotheses out there for how endogenic systems form, but in the end, we just don’t know how the brain works in regards to plurality. It could be psychologically, physiological, spiritual, who knows. The point is, endogenic systems exist and are a completely valid expression of plurality."

lastly, i want to say, if you are an endogenic system, i believe you. you are valid. you deserve to exist.

and if you'r a fake claimer, DNI. unfollow. get off my blog.

#sorry this kinda shit pisses me off #i'm not a system but i do have tourette's and i know fake claiming is universally bad. idc what disorder it is #didderd talks #tw fakeclaiming

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my-exmo-life · 1 year ago

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|| TW for Mormonism, internalised fatphobia, discussions of fatphobia and diets, negative self talk ||

Pls excuse me I’m mildly tipsy (but not tipsy enough that I can’t add a TW bc we respect people here on this blog)

You know what we don’t talk about enough? The idealisation of thinness in the Mormon church.

All the aesthetics and ideals are of these size 0 blonde white women and, shockingly, that’s harmful.

I discovered this week that wearing a skirt is triggering for me bc it makes me look a little bigger and makes my belly relax from the default “must suck in”.

IM NOT EVEN OVERWEIGHT.

I’m a little “bigger” than I “should be” according to society but dear fucking god who cares?? Call the goddamn police, I guess it’s a crime to love food.

I bought a beautiful skirt. It’s got kinda witchy vibes. These cool suns and moons and it’s so breathable and comfy. I wore it work. AND GUESS FUCKING WHAT. I was uncomfortable all day.

I looked fucking amazing even tho I was just at work. But my stomach said lol nope you don’t get to be comfy without suffering.

I’ve taken to just measuring the waists of pants I want to buy so I don’t have to try them on (usually works just fine) so I did that to a pair of jeans I was wanting to buy (I’d already bought a smaller size that didn’t fit and I was doing a great job feeling neutral about having to size up)

So I measured the waist and saw it should fit but out of paranoia I measured my own and IT HAD GONE UP 10 FUCKING CENTIMETRES.

So I tried the jeans on anyway bc hey, why not, I feel like shit anyway. And it was too tight. Logically I know I was just bloated and shit but there was that little voice in my head that was going “fat, gross, disgusting, whale, etc”

And it sounded just like all the Mormon women that came before me. My mom. My grandmother. My aunt. All women I love and adore and who I don’t have a single memory of when they weren’t on a diet.

I hate that fat phobia is so baked into this religion. I’ve been out for going on 3 years and it’s still fucking affecting me. I can’t wear my beautiful new skirt because it fucks me up too much.

I’m planning to deprogram myself so I can just wear the fucking skirt but I have no idea how long it’ll take. I’ll do it tho. I know that much.

Also guess what. I measured my waist again the next morning. Back down ten centimetres.

If we ever want girls and women and just people in general to feel even slightly normal about their bodies we need to teach them about weight fluctuations and that they’re normal.

I know through experience and research that they’re normal. But I still felt like shit in that moment. It’s just fatphobia, plain and simple.

#exmo #exmormon #exmo stuff #I have not edited this well I just know it #blame it on the rum #centimetres telling on me #I’m not from the usa who could have guessed #I want to fight people #please let this reach the right audience or just go straight into the void idc anymore

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itsravenbitch · 2 years ago

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i’m officially leaving the community bc i just feel i am the only answer i need. but i’d like to say this. <3

often, it’s always “but what if it doesn’t happen?” shit isn’t going well now, so why not give it a FULL SHOT ?! right this second, cut the bullshit & just fully live in the end. i spent all this time from success story to blog. one, we don’t know these people up here. 😭 anything could be anything. two, we all have our own ways we want to live. recognize how seeing all these success stories isn’t enough? recognize how seeing these blogs say the same thing in different colors & fonts isn’t doing anything? bc it’s literally us y’all. we have to do it within. it’s not enough because YOU need to be enough. shit, ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. this may not be enough to get some of you outta of this loop of needing to see success or what blogs or whatever tf anyone has to say, but i really hope it is. what got me here?? i sit and lay in my room fucking pissed and say “what if it really doesn’t work??” “what if people are lying?” what if this & what if that. and i finally told myself, bitch what if you actually do something? 💀 i’m sorry but i literally just went off on myself. you sitting here on your ass & feeling bad for yourself bc your sad about the 3d & you don’t know if it’ll work. what is this doing tho? nothing good. shit isn’t working right now, so why not see if it does work??? why keep being in a loop of not knowing when you could just try? so that’s it. i’m on my fucking way & i got my shit together. 🤣 truth be told, we don’t know anybody on this mf. 😭 so if you believe anybody, you better believe in yourself. quite frankly, who even cares if people are lying?? you’ll move on to the next person to give you hope & wanting it to work. so make it work fr. if you’re here because you don’t believe or some other negative shit, how is that helping?? GO. GO DO YOUR THING. we got this. enough is enough, isn’t? LIVE IN THE END RIGHT NOW. it’s better than the loop. be real with yourself and let everything go and JUST LIVE IN THE END. again, we got this! ⭐️ why did it take so long to get here lmao? it’s all within fr. is anything i’m doing giving me a good result? so why not do something that could lead to a good result???? anything is better than being sad & doubtful each day. law of assumption is real. but you need to be real with yourself first. how are you really feeling? what is the issue? are you truly living in the end?? and go from there. fix it & LETS GET IT.

“truth be told, we don’t know anybody on this mf. so if you believe anybody, you better believe in yourself” 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾 EXACTLY! not saying anyone is lying, but y’all believe blogs when they tell you they manifested this and that. so why can’t you give yourself the same exact energy??

i love how you worded this too, anon. hopefully this’ll give someone whatever push they need to manifest what tf they want!! do you really want to be stuck in the same loop that you complain about, but also do nothing about ?

some of y’all HATE your current life and don’t do anything bc it’s “comfortable” and its all you know. but comfortable doesn’t mean that situation is the best one. there is so much more than the 4 walls around you. and when you realize that, you’ll literally be unstoppable!

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rweoutofthewoods · 6 months ago

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heyy, first of all I am sooo glad that the tornado didn't get you, I got scared for a sec, but dw abt being mean in the past, you had boundaries and ppl should respect them and you lashing out bc they didn't isn't really your fault (or something idk I feel like I'm not writing this as eloquently as I wanted to) and you changing those rules is also ok because this is your blog and your account so the only one who has a say in what happens here is you, I think I'm too sleep deprived to be writing an ask but who cares, am I right? Anyway I just wanted to say that, have a good day(night? midday? noon? morning? idk timezones are confusing af)!

YEAH TY I lived thru it (it wound up going past me 😭)

But you’re too kind 🫶 I definitely think there’s boundaries I needed to set in the past and I don’t regret making them only that I didn’t go about it in a better way.

Something I noticed in this fandom and made a hard goal to change in myself a few months ago, was that there’s so much negativity that people expect the worst in each other, and react negatively on first instinct. And that really didn’t sit well with me. I hated I did that too. Like I noticed for example: if someone gets an ask that could be perceived as negative we then instantly react negatively and we just go around in this cycle. I’m guilty of it. But when I started answering mean or negative asks nicely I felt so much better and my blog became a much brighter space too. Then, I started getting less negative asks. And boom, the cycle is cut off.

Anyway that is all to say I appreciate you so much, and I would still set boundaries if the need came up, but go about it differently. I truly believe we don’t need to go an eye for an eye all the time and someone trying to hurt me doesn’t mean I should hurt them back. There’s enough hatefulness in the world already xx

It is night for me rn, so goodnight from my time zone to yours <33

#mere answering things ;)

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stormyweaver · 4 months ago

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Lots of venting below, but sometimes it's hard for me to jot it all down in my journal. Plus it's my blog so I can post whatever, fuck you.

Last night was... difficult. I think I slept 3/4 hours, which is about an hour less than I usually do. My mind just wouldn't stop racing.

I don't know why I feel so isolated in every space I inhabit. I know parts of it (my difficulty with trusting people, feeling like I'm never 'authentic' enough, trying to make my personality palatable to EVERYONE and then feeling like a husk at the end of the day) but I've noticed a pattern that's very disturbing to me.

I never speak up for myself. If something bothers me, I never say anything. Until I do. And it either comes out in a way that's civil, or I just completely blow up.

But it seems no matter WHAT way I say it, me speaking up for myself almost always ends in losing that friendship/relationship/etc. I let go of basically my biggest friend group this year because I expressed feeling left out, and was given verbal reassurance that that wouldn't happen - and then it did happen.

Ever since then (late May?) I've basically felt like I can't maintain any kind of friendship or relationship with anyone. I get triggered at even the perceived notion that someone doesn't want to be around me. I make friends at work, but then those drop off too, even when I'm giving all the effort I possibly can. I see people with friends and I get so viscerally jealous and hate myself for not being able to have that with more people.

I am so grateful for the friends I do have, the majority being on here. But there's a part of my brain that constantly tells me 'You're one bad take or one wrong joke from losing them'. That doesn't seem normal to me. I want to ask my therapist about it, but now that I'm starting this new job, and her latest slot is typically taken, it's hard to get an actual bi-weekly or even monthly appointment down.

When we did have our (short) introduction meeting, she asked me who my support system is, and I couldn't really give her a definitive answer. I don't really have anyone in my immediate area to rely on. It's literally just me, and the friends I have online.

I try talking to my dad, or my sister, or my paternal grandmother and it feels so empty and hollow bc, while my sister can at least empathize with me, the other two will just say 'Praying for you!' and send me like, 25 dollars. I don't... I don't want money? I need a support system. And I don't know how to express that. I don't know how to express to the people in my life that I'm so jaded, and anxious, and depressed, and miserable that I can't even sleep at night with how rapidly my thoughts are racing, with how negatively I think and react.

I've been trying so hard to come to terms with the fact that maybe I'm just broken. That I'll never have a 'normal' life and a 'normal' thought process. But I feel like there's a difference between not being or feeling or thinking 'normally' and feeling like I'm being punished for every time I don't adhere to what everyone else says I should be doing.

The only thing that gives me any real reprieve is journaling, writing and reading. But I've become such a solitary creature over the years. Even when I try to befriend people who I live with, or work with, or go to groups with... it's like I can't get my own head out of my own ass long enough to make a genuine connection. Or I get ghosted.

I don't know how to figure any of this out. I don't know how to re-program my brain so it stops sabotaging every little chance I get at happiness. I don't know how to express how I feel without crying and sobbing because my emotions hurt so much to even convey to my therapist.

I'm so angry and sad and insecure and afraid. And I'm so, so very tired.

#greyvents;#i genuinely don't know what to do #i feel like i have no one because i'm expecting someone to swoop in and save me #and they won't #i have to be the one who saves me #and it's so hard #tw: depression #tw: depressive thoughts #not snz

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futurefind · 4 months ago

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Hiatus Announcement

//I've alluded to it before but now I'm actually verbalizing it so!! Hiatus announcement be upon ye!! More specifically, a 'pseudo' hiatus, where I'll basically be putting entire blog on 'request only'— I'll prob keep lurking, likely keep posting About my blorbos, absolutely keep any threads, but... Gestures.

Tl;dr, because I'm not good about talking About feelings, and to try and talk about it would make me feel like I'm guilt tripping etc etc: I'm extremely low spoons, and about as low confidence, so I don't have the energy to be proactive and 100% initiate like... anything.

And it'd feel misleading to say 'oh I'm not on hiatus :)' as if I'm on full activity when I'm... not!

If you initiate stuff I'll return the favor and babble back, up to and including just asking me to do xyz (blorbo babbles, inbox raiding, etc)!!

(Edit/PS: As always my discord's available to moots, @/nethernor_i, but since I'll be lurking tumblr IMs also work as usual!!)

(Edit 8.4.24: Just to state the obvious for obvious's sake, again: PLEASE INITIATE/DM/ETC if you want anything!! When I say request only I mean it and so outside of that I'm gonna presume you're not keen on me / us doing anything.)

EDIT / UPDATE (8.7)

I said I wasn't gonna talk about the why's of my hiatus but I can't stop thinking about it and it's not not relevant to share even if it can't be helped so: that'll be below the cut since it's insecurity / vent / negative adjacent :')

Tl;dr, though: I don't feel comfortable here on tumblr anymore and that's what's impacting my activity / presence / confidence / etc, not just universally low spoons across the board. When I came back it was for sake networking for rp and making friends Through rp, but at current it's fizzled out and i'm much more comfortable focusing on private rp / rp groups than on here

(But if we have preexisting threads on here I won't drop them, juuuuust don't be afraid to add & poke me on discord to lmk when you've replied<3)

(again, this is below the cut for vent/negative/insecurity reasons, so if youre not up for that dwai) - any further Regular updates will be put above this section lol

idk I feel the simplest and most 'objective' way to put it is that my intent of 'keep dash tiny and small and palatable to prevent getting overwhelmed' is severely biting me in the ass bc it leads to extremely like... disproportionate? desires of activity??? where I'm looking to get lots of activity from (for example), like, ~5 people, but they are both not looking for turbo activity with me specifically and have interactions with 20+ people they're looking to keep up with (if, not necessarily, wrt longform rp) — on top of all the once-very-active moots that have dipped off into the void entirely, not just wrt ~our rp~

and like... subjectively??? i have like no sense of relationship decay, but exponentially horrific emotional permanence (the thing that lets you know you're cared about even when ppl are not directly talking to you or the like), and combined with the negative feedback loop of 'low confidence -> low activity -> less confidence bc less activity ->->' ???

it creates a very very Not Fun mix that makes me feel alone and lonely, like i'd be ignored even screaming in a crowded room, and feeling like what interactions i Do get are moreso an after thought or pity rather than reciprocated enthusiasm.

and its like. idk. it feels like law of diminishing returns but also w at least five secret spices of guilt about it—whether it's because i'm not 'trying hard enough' to 'earn' the 'attention', or because i'm 'blaming' ppl for the completely lighthearted nbd act of just... not making me a 'favorite' and making me feel 'entitled/spoiled' for just missing people

#mun babbles //

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3point14a · 7 months ago

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OK SO SOME PEOPLE ARE INTERESTED IN OUR PUPPET AND ILL TRY TO EXPLAIN MYSELF OVER HERE because 1) I dont think it's a good explanation really :,3 (still working on it) and 2) since we are still working on it (magic system killing us) I don't think i should put it on my art blog or whatever given it may change ToT not how they (the twins) are per se but the explanation of why the hell they r even like that

so yeah! a lot of text under the cut! i don't guarantee any of it makes sense!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok so first of all: Choco you were so right about most of those guesses you did holy shit.

It's both. Pup is trans and identical to Mai and they r both afab, demi-boy he/they, Mai is demigirl she/they, silly as hell. And for the horrible part?? Uh buckle in because this is a lot of us just trying to make ourselves understandable at all

Ok so. Ok so. What the hell are shadows.

Fhs (Mainly Zero) tells us that shadows are a manifestation of people's negative emotions, the worst sides of them. We really really don't like this, shadows being "things a person is suppressing" 1) because we just don't really like it as a trope?? Like, the demons will get you in the normal people way, you will explode in the normal people way, we don't need magic to make you explain what's wrong with you it will show eventually. (we also think it takes away some responsibility to the characters, if they act out, bc of their shadow instead of that just being a human quality.)

And 2) because Fred being grouped in there just feels bad, we know he's the "exception" and that's why he's special but we don't like it irregardless, it takes away from his personhood to be in that shadow category if theyre going to overall be categorized as smth that “is” someone else's, and therefore we just have to come up with a new magic system!!! easy peasy right?!?!?! (no)

In canon, we really just do not know what's up with mai and pup (puppet) (pup is shorter and they match with 3 letters lmao). Like, Pup just gets into the shadow world??? for no reason??? And they don't even look like a shadow at all? Why is bro still the same, what were they doing there, how did he get there? are they a shadow or not or a secret third thing?? what is going on, someone help. We also thought it'd be fun to make them opposites to fred and freddy. So if those guys are 2 people in 1 body, then Mai and pup are 1 person in 2 bodies (not really) ((kinda?))

Like,,,,what in the world is up with jitter doll?? if you read the lyrics none of it really? makes any sense? it has a bunch of machine imagery and language that doesn't really serve any purpose? Lyrics go on and on about the singer (pup) being sort of a machine, cables and malfunctions and unable to love, and he's also weirdly chill about it ??? Like hes over there saying "I feel like I'm going to blow up and they'll get rid of my body. They'll kill my foul heart" and smiling??? Like incredibly chill about it?? So we smashed our heads trying to give the twins something cool and also make ANY HEADS OR TAILS out of jitter doll.

So. Machine stuff. Shadows. Something something. Here's what we have right now and what will maybe probably change: Shadows are sort of souls leftovers.

Souls (for now) Have limits? They hold feelings and thoughts and stuff, but when something is too much to handle or when you forget something inconsequential or when you cry or laugh or yell and get rid of excess emotion, that doesn't just disappear. It kinda groups together and becomes a weird invisible thing laying motionless in a corner.

"How do you end up with a shadow?" You are,,,, fundamentally empty. The shadows just by innersia look for some sort of host or vessel or whatever. If your soul has enough space (you don't really feel much or do much or whatever, fundamentally empty) Then they get in there, which doesn't really happen often?? Because most people aren't just empty lmao, sorry Freddy.

Once there the body does some fuckery unconsciously and realizes there are 2 people in here and separates both souls and whatever, like i said, work in progress magic systems are hard and they are killing us. But yeah it doesn't happen often,,, but there is another way shadows start existing,,,,,,,,,,,, and it's by the love put into a craft.

So when you do art, you put "your soul into it" right? Well, when you put passion into a project and pour your everything into it, and when that thing is still somewhat broken, they can take over it! So let's say, haunted painting? Yeah that's a shadow, that painting was made with love and care and yet it remained unfinished because the painter died. But here is where our entire thing will get weirder to explain: Video Games.

Passion project video games, and that good old trope of "The game becomes self aware" but forrealsies. Sometimes you take your silly game with you and it gets possesed?? It's somewhat normal in their society by now. Not fully normal? Like, they still get treated weirdly because "why is that video game character alive" or questioning if they are even alive, dehumanizing stuff and somewhat feared! The inherent human terror of "the creation betraying it's creator" and the "machine uprising" that already gets said in our world, is a lot worse when the machine ACTUALLY becomes sentient. But it tends to follow a certain pattern.

For no rhyme or reason, SOME copies of some games have characters gain conscience, the government in fear of the aforementioned "machine uprising" makes them a body that's as human as possible to keep them from lashing out (whatever that means), they pass off as humans. There are 2 exceptions to this, Pup (the one you care about) and Red (oc)((who invited her))

This isn’t about Red so I’ll refrain from explaining them beyond “didn’t take over a character but over a bunch of glitches”. Pup Didn't take over a game at all!

Mai and pup are based on the puppet from fnaf right? There's another puppet in fnaf called "security puppet" which we were like "haha their mom" and it snowballed. To have that puppet that was in charge of looking after children, associating the fnaf puppets with tears (tear marks), and the immediate neuron activation of the hit song "its been too long" I was like "she's super protective of her child" and the reason for that protectiveness was insanely warranted.

To put simply, marinette (mai's legal name) ((the og child)) was just sick. Always, forever, just incredibly sick and frail and it hurts to look at because damn that little girl should be jumping on trees and not just in pain at the hospital. Her mom cried over her a lot. All that was on that girl's soul was mostly pain, sorrow, sadness, all of that stuff.

One day! her body had enough!!! and wanted to literally die! It didn't! however, to save "her" her soul sort of split into two and got rid of what was always overflowing (negativity), the puppet has this entire thing of “giving gifts and giving life”, a second chance to live and a gift to be able to not be sick anymore. And so, parts of shadows and parts of her actual soul mixed and mixed and left her just fundamentally wrong. And the phone that she had to call her mom in case of emergencies (or if she felt bad at all) was pretty bare bones and somewhat broken (old), and it only really served as a way to call, it had no games or apps or anything except for some photos of Marinette. Jumpscare, the photo is now alive.

Anyways Pup gets a body, and first of all that just creeps the hell out of their mom, obviously. New thing just starts existing and looks identical to your child, talks like her but without any real emotion behind it? Her husband left her over keeping Pup because they never really agreed to have TWO children and it was enough with ONE thing that just went in and out of the hospital and burnt money. And yet her child was healthy again after it, and they looked identical, and it’s hard to hold a grudge against someone who has the face of the person you love the most, and it’s also hard to look them in the eyes.

Pup's mom loves him, for sure, she was definitely relieved when he came out as trans and was way more visibly unlike Mai. She couldn't just leave a child that looked just like hers to fend for their luck in another place. It's complicated, with good reason, that woman is stronger than I could ever be.

Pup and Mai both ended up messed up, because that was never meant to happen and because souls and shadows aren’t meant to mix and they lost stuff on the way of splitting (sort of spilled out?) So they both lack a lot of stuff, and also are insanely dependent on each other to function (one in the same).

Mai is overbearing, just by nature, she can’t feel sadness and she can’t feel most of anything that isn’t happiness, she’s impulsive and easily distracted, she can’t read people feeling bad and she can’t give any other insight than “just get over with it and focus on the good ^^” (inspired by her advice in al reves) because she can’t really do anything aside from that. Every bad thing they have felt either registers as somewhat inconsequential or doesn’t really feel like actual sadness, it’s just an excess of energy that makes them angsty and hyper and stuff. Mai also cannot taste stuff, and also does not feel temperature at all, pup does that for her. Both of them are unable to really feel fear, awesome for them (it’s not).

Pup is sort of nothing, they are not empty but sort of insanely muffled, he feels strongly for nothing and doesn’t have any passions or any desires or any anything, he also cannot feel pain, Mai feels it for him. Calling back to Jitter doll, his chill nature to absolutely deranged stuff and the machine language and fred “having something he could never have” is explained that way. He doesn’t fear stuff, he isn’t angry at stuff, he cannot love people, or not in the way that most or any people describe love at all. He doesn’t understand feelings and he doesn’t understand people and he doesn’t understand himself. And he searches for some sort of answer to what they hell they are. Because both of them are aware they were the same person, both of them are aware that they aren’t anymore, and both of them are aware they don’t really function how people should.

You might have seen that we draw them with eyepatches (or have started to do that) ((new lore called for new designs lmao)), and that is the greatest indicator of them being connected in a weird way. Marinette had a birthmark on her eye, Mai (as the original body) has it on her covered eye and Pup has it mirrored because haha the photo was mirrored. The eye with the birthmark is actually the eye of the other twin, and when they don’t have it covered they just share thoughts, which obviously gives them both a massive headache, which is why they cover it. "wasn't pup unable to feel pain?" fun fact! headaches are not really actual pain (for the most part), they are pressure and tenderness in the scalp and stuff like that! So they are not free from headaches lmao

Pup wants to feel fulfilled, like an actual whole person, and he has no clue how to achieve that in the slightest. But because they perceive what happened to them as supernatural (how else do you describe that) they both went into ghosts and stuff like that.

They both walk around and try and find ghosts and ask them stuff, they ask people stuff about local legends and local hauntings to try and get some lead on what they are and how (or even if) they can fix themselves. Pup reads a lot more than Mai and is a bit more obsessive with understanding what is up with them. Because while Mai is also messed up, she at least is still regarded as the child they both were, their mom looks at her in the eyes. Hence my little drawing of him with a bunch of books and torn apart pages. In the stories they’ve seen ghost take over lives (took over marinette’s face), they are uncaring (like pup), and a daughter WAS lost, neither of them are Marinette anymore.

Pup, by feeling all muddled and devoid of most feelings at all, is still attached to the idea that they could become one again, while Mai, who is unable to be anything but positive, is certain they are different people now and forever. Pup is also attached to not seeing himself as alive (?), as a program (what ppl like him r called) and being technically artificial he thinks of himself as a robot, as something lacking that human spark, hence the entire robot thing in jitter doll, they use that as a way to sort of cope with how wrong they are because otherwise it really just sets in that they are simply unfixable. A robot or a ghost or an android or some spirit, whatever you want, except an actual alive person.

Also calling back to them both just sort of appearing in Fred and Freddy’s mind in the show and all the weird meddling they do with them both. Like how pup is implied to remember meeting fred in the shadow realm thing cause he says “haha this feels familiar” when freddy asks for their name, or like mai saying “it's easier to notice someone's absence when they are always beside you ^^” and stuff like that. They have some dream insanity at camp.

Camp to us us is the end of the world and an insanely important event, due to close proximity all the people related to shadows sort of start sharing dreams, which is nice for no one, and which definitely sparks those two to be insanely invasive in hopes of discovering something new in their mad chase for any answer at all, Rip Freddy and Fred I’m sorry they are like that (inspired by them being voted as enemies in the series, at least according to the subtitles, i think she says friendemies but that also works irregardless)

They are just not really good friends to most people, and even worse to Fred and Freddy. They sort of see Fred like a thing, like something they can get answers out of and something they can learn from, they dehumanize him a tad and it’s not done with actual bad intention, they aren’t trying to be bad people or anything, but then again they are just fundamentally wrong, and the absolute worst at feelings. Pup in general already dehumanizes himself so what’s the damage of doing it to someone else??

They also make Freddy feel unwanted, they treat him as a gateway to see Fred, and that messes with Freddy because everyone always asks for Fred, like, people like Fred more than him, and he’s just the means to get that.

HGHGHGHGHG ANyways if anyone got here thank you so much, sorry this is so long and if it answers nothing, like we said, magic system is killing us. However I love them both too much to not draw them even without a set magic system so i couldnt hold back from drawing them </3

Last thing: Did you guys know mai and pup's songs respectively start at the same time in their episodes???????? That's so creepy why would they do that??? t2e7 6:56, then t2e8 6:56. What.

But yeah to anyone or everyone who was curious thank you so so so so much for showing interest :D And I'm very sorry if our answer is not that sufficient lmao, <3 <3 <3

#fnafhs posting #our au #fnafhs au #also did anyone but me notice jitter dolls subtitles being messed up??#they skip over a whole part at 1:33 #Also they say “guardar” instead of borrar at 1:25 and that might be just me being bad at making words out but i SWEAR it says borrar #ANYWAYS YEAH SORRY THIS IS A LOT OF TEXT

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