#i truly had no idea what to do for this so yeah

[storiesfromafan]

Or Something - Mattheo x Reader

A/N: I want to say a MASSIVE thank you to everyone that follows me. On Tuesday (my time) I woke to find out I hit 600 followers!! 🫢

I know majority are those that follow me for my Mattheo works, and a lot of new followers are for Austin Butlers character works I've been writing. I am still thankful for all of you!!!

I also want to thank those that I recognise reblogging, hearting and commenting 💜💜💜 I see you and it always makes me smile to see you, and all of you too!!

So, to celebrate I wrote a Mattheo x Reader for the occasion 😁😁😁

Warning: briefest drug mention, fluff

Prompt: “So, are you seeing them or something?”

Mattheo didn’t like how guys looked at you. He didn’t like how they talked to you. Hell, in general, he hated them. Why do you ask? Because they weren’t your best friend, and secretly in love with you. That was him, his life.

Watching guy after guy talk to you, flirt with you, shoot their shot. All the while he hoped one day you would see how he saw you, wanting him like he wants you. Always and forever. But till then Mattheo had to endure this endless nightmare.

“Mate, you should just tell her!” Groaned Theodore passing his friend a joint. “No doubt she fells the same”.

Taking the joint, Mattheo sighed. “How can you be so sure!? I can’t risk ruining my friendship with her!”

Lorenzo looked to the two and said, “I get where Mattheo's coming from. What if she doesn’t exactly feel the same way? Things will be different in our group, and it would be awkward for all parties".

The three were sitting by a large tree, far from the Castle on this fine afternoon. Both boys had seen how worked up Mattheo had been after another guy decided to talk to you. Rather then Mattheo getting detention for beating up or cursing the guy, both Theodore and Lorenzo dragged him away. Once at the tree Mattheo opened up and told them everything, and in depth. How it pissed him off, how he felt for you and how he was a hop, skip and a jump from murdering so many male students.

“Yeah, alright" retorted Theodore. “But what if she did feel the same way? And by not speaking up is just hindering your happiness together?”

Lorenzo leant around Mattheo to give the guy a surprised look. “I am shocked you know how to use hindering, and are the voice of reason for once”.

Theodore rolled his eyes while flipping off the chuckling boy. Mattheo remained quiet, smoking the joint and hoping it will calm him, and his frazzled nerves. They both made good points. And were like an angel and devil on his shoulders. He just needed a scrap of conformation that you felt the same as him, and he would put himself out there.

“I can’t tell her without knowing how she feels, even just a tiny bit" Mattheo sighed, passing the joint to Lorenzo.

Both boys looked to their friend before both saying, “then we’ll find out!”

Mattheo didn’t know if he should be relieved or scared. For those two finding out information can go either way, such as they could do the job right or fail and blab. He truly hoped it was the former. Because the idea of you learning about his feelings, from them and not him, terrified and annoyed him.

The following day, during morning break, you were sitting in the courtyard in the suns warm rays. You were helping Pansy with some last minute Potions homework, not wanting her to be subject to Snape’s wrath. Mattheo, Theodore, Lorenzo and Draco were near by, sitting around talking shit. Which was annoying Pansy. Who eventually told them all to shut it.

Theodore stuck his tongue out at Pansy, while Mattheo and Lorenzo laughed. Draco didn’t do or say anything. With a huff from the girl next to you, you smiled returning to the book and parchment before you. Yet, you found yourself sneaking glances at Mattheo. Admiring his boyish smile and laugh, as he pushed Theodore for something he had said. Noticing how the humour reached his chocolate brown eyes, happy to see him having fun.

“(Y/N/N)!” Pansy whined, “I need your help!”

Focusing back on your friend and the task at hand, you had to put staring at Mattheo on the back burner. There would be plenty of time to admire him. To day dream of being more with your best friend. And yet, it was just that, a day dream. You doubted he saw you any more than a friend. He might care, but not enough to be more then what you both were right now.

With some frustration you finally managed to get some of the homework through Pansy's thick head. The pair of you packed up your parchments and books, relived to be done. And with time to spare before your next class, which was potions. You both stood, stretching while your friends remained where they were. Of course Mattheo was watching you, always watching you. Just not when you’re watching him.

“(Y/N)!” Called a Hufflepuff guy from your year, his tone warm and giddy.

You turned in the direction – as did Mattheo – and you smiled seeing Andrew. You waved to him, then said something to Pansy before walking over to him with your bag over your shoulder. Mattheo watched how you bounced over to Andrew, and how you both smiled, laughed and talked.

Lorenzo and Theodore noticed it was only them that were talking, upon looking to Mattheo they noticed his gaze. And following it they saw why their mate sat quietly, eyes a blaze with jealousy. All three sets of eyes watched the interaction between you and the Hufflepuff. And to really get on Mattheo's goat, was the fact Andrew was on his houses Quiddich team. And their last match against each other had not gone well. Andrew got a lucky shot on him, and Mattheo was knocked from his broom.

So, his hatred for the guy was next level. First the Quiddich match, and now talking to his girl. And you were happily chatting away with him. Were you into the twat? Were you dating him? All the possibilities just added fuel to Mattheo's hate and jealousy.

Getting to his feet, and ignoring his mates, Mattheo moved towards you and Andrew. Only the Hufflepuff was lucky to have left before his arrival. Andrew was laughing with his mates as they headed back to the Castle. You smiled, only to jump when turning to find Mattheo beside you.

“Oh my God, Matty!” You exclaimed in surprise, before playfully hitting his arm. “Don’t sneak up on me!”

His gaze – which had still been following Andrew – turn back to you, heated and not happy. It was jealousy, but you didn’t pick up on it. “So, are you seeing them or something?” Came his annoyed question.

You blinked, confused by Mattheo's words. “Huh?” you paused, before registering his question. “Oh! No! Oh my gosh, no!”

He didn’t buy your words. “Really? Seems like it, or something’s going on...”

“No Matty, really there’s nothing going on!” You said in a rush. Flabbergasted that he’d think you and Andrew were a thing.

Sure, the guy was nice. Kinda funny. But he was also full of himself and cocky, in an annoying way. Unlike Mattheo, who’s cockiness was charming, if that even made sense. Your best friends full of himself and cocky nature was fine to you, not bothering you. But Andrew, it felt forced. Like he was over doing it. It did nothing for you. Unlike when it was Mattheo, it checked all your boxes.

Your best friend show you a slightly dark look, which hurt you. “Honestly, I don’t care who you spend your time with. Date whoever you want!” He spat.

You were surprised, and saddened by his words. “Matty...” you said softly, voice cracking a little. “I’m not dating him, or am interested in Andrew...or any one. Well, except for one guy, but...forget it".

The way you spoke, the tone and the look on your face broke Mattheo. His face dropping into a guilty look. Before he could say anything – mostly apologise and beg for forgiveness – you took off for the Castle. And he swears he saw a tear or two. Pansy knocked into him as she rushed after you, looking back to shoot Mattheo a death glare.

Running a hand through his brown locks, he sighed in annoyance with himself. How could he do that, let his jealousy and anger get the best of him? And upsetting you. He wanted to kick his own ass at this point. His mates came up and offered a sympathetic look, before they too headed to the Castle. Mattheo straggling behind, dragging his feet.

The previous day you had avoided Mattheo. Choosing to keep your distance. It was safer then dealing with his mood. You didn’t get why he said what he said, and looked at you the way he did. Why did he care so much about if you were dating Andrew? Honestly, it’s none of his business whom you date.

Shaking your head you went back to the large book before you. You’d taken to hiding in the library this evening. Thinking that studying would be a smart way to distract yourself. Unfortunately, it didn’t offer much of a distraction. For your mind wondered to Mattheo, or Theodore and Lorenzo. It had been almost a whole day of avoiding them all. And you were getting bored, missing them all.

You wish you could say you knew this chapter on poisons, but even reading over it numerous times, the information never sticking. Brown curly locks and warm chocolate eyes plagued your mind. He always had. These feelings you had for Mattheo never went away, even when you tried your best to push them to the back of your mind.

With a sigh you closed the book. It was pointless. Getting up from your seat in the back corner of the library, you grabbed the book and moved to the rows of shelves to put it back. It was getting late also, which mean it would be time to head back to your house. Reaching a quiet section, you read over the books until you found the space for the book in your hands. Once it was in place you smiled softly running your hands down its spine.

There was something about the feel of an old book and its cover. Paired with the silence of the library, you felt content. Turning to head back the way you had came, you jumped, hand flying over your chest. Leaning against a shelf behind you was Mattheo. His eyes watching you, the way he looked at you was like a wounded animal. Leaning back against the wall you took a moment to calm your racing heart, and taking a few deep breathes.

“Sorry I scared you...” he said softly, almost like he’d spook you if he was too loud.

You nodded, unsure of what to say.

Silence filled the gap between you both. Mattheo’s gaze on you, watching your every move. While you look down, yet snuck a look every so often. How could almost not seeing each other feel longer then it was? A day felt like a week to both of you. Mattheo missed your laugh and sweet words. While you missed his presence and Mattheo’s smell; aftershave and cigarettes.

Finally, slowly, Mattheo push off the shelf and took a few steps before you, but stopped before getting too close. “(Y/N/N), I wanted to apologise for how I acted yesterday...I shouldn’t, nor did I have the right, to act the way I did or say what I said".

You could hear the genuineness in Mattheo's voice. You could see it in his eyes. He truly was sorry.

You nodded. “It’s alright Matty...” you replied softly.

He nodded. “Just promise me...promise me it’s not Andrew that you like, yeah?”

You looked at Mattheo confused. “N-no, I’d never be interested in him" you paused a moment, “w-why did you say that?”

He shrugged, looking down at the ground like it was fascinating. “You said there was a guy you are interested in...” his tone was tight, a bitterness to each word. “There’s a small list of guys I hate, please don’t let it be any of them".

You listened, processing Mattheo's words and his tone. You weren’t sure but it sounded like he was angry, but then it hit you. “A-are you jealous!?” You gasped in shock and surprise.

His eyes flew up, looking to you in a panic. “W-what!? N-no!” He stammered, taking a step back. Panicking because what you said was true.

You took a step forward. “Y-you are...why?”

Mattheo remained where he was, eyes blown wide as his mind and heart raced. You were close to learning the truth. And he couldn’t have that. He couldn’t have you knowing the truth. How he hated other guys giving you attention, wanting you. Or how it was him that wanted you, needed you, loved you.

You studied the boy before you. The frightened look up his face, how he acted, the words he’d said. Slowly the dots were adding up. And you think – hoped – you’re conclusion was right; that Mattheo Riddle liked you. Your breath caught at the idea, heart picking up its pace. You were excited at the idea, yet you still needed confirmation.

Slowly and shakily, you stepped up to Mattheo. Both your eyes watching the other. This was it. What you were about to do, about to say was going to make or break your friendship. And you hoped he felt the same way as you, and finally you could be happy taking your friendship to the next level.

“Matty...” you said softly, just for the both of you to hear. “D-do you...d-do you like me?”

“O-of course! Your my best friend!” Was his rushed reply. Frightened that your question was you making sure he didn’t like you in a way that could break your friendship.

Yet when a sad, hurt expression crossed your face, did he think for a second he was wrong. Did you want it to be more then friendship between you? Did you like him as more then a friend? You slowly nodded your head, stepping back. Which broke Mattheo's heart. So without thinking, he reached out a hand and grabbed your wrist. Halting you from putting anymore distance between you both.

Your (colour) eyes snapped up, meeting Mattheo's chocolate brown ones. Silently pleading to be let go, yet he wouldn’t. Not till he knew for sure. Moving forward, he brought you closer to him. His other hand moving to cup your cheek. Mattheo searched your eyes for any hint of you wanting him to stop, that you didn’t want him like this. But to his surprise he didn’t see any objection. Surprise and hope. That was all he needed.

Taking that last step, one that he couldn’t come back from. Mattheo leaned in, lips hovering over yours. You could feel his warm breath upon your lips, his eyes looking to yours, giving you one last chance to stop this once and for all. Feeling a surge of confidence, you were the one to close the last sliver of a gap, lips finally meeting.

It was a soft, gentle kiss. Lips press together for a moment, before pulling back to hovering once more. You both looked at the other, seeing the joy and wanting in the others eyes. Mattheo finally moved the hand holding your wrist to your waist, before wrapping his arm around you and bringing you flush against him. Chest to chest. The hand cupping your cheek warm, his thumb caressing your cheek.

Mattheo then he pressed his lips to yours again, only this time harder. He tilted his head as he ran his tongue along your bottom lip. Without hesitation you opened your mouth, his tongue entering just as quickly. Your tongues met, moving together in quick caresses. Your eyes closed enjoying this passionate kiss with Mattheo. Without realising it, Mattheo moved forward, which had you moving backwards, until your back hit the wall. He caged you in, as well as hiding you both a little more.

After a while, you both had to pull back, your breathing heavy as Mattheo rested his forehead against yours. You both looked to the other, silly smiles on your faces. Giddy with how much you had longed for that moment.

“It was you...” you said softly, “the guy I like...”

Mattheo chuckled. “Yeah, I figured that now...”

Guess he didn’t need his mates help after all. All it took was him getting jealous, upsetting you and apologising for this to happen. Mattheo doesn’t regret it, or your first kiss. But he wish he’d known sooner that you felt the same way, so he wouldn’t have had to be jealous of Andrew.

[chukys-mouthguard]

oscar winning tears

featuring -> quinn hughes x female reader

genre -> angst, fluff

summary-> inspired by ‘oscar winning tears’ by raye

note -> thinking of this becoming a mini series possibly? If anyone would be interested?

“You’re fucking joking, are you kidding me?”

Quinn’s shouting echoed off the walls of your shared bedroom as he halted his packing. The news caught him off guard as you sat on the bed, arms wrapped around your legs as you held them tight to your chest. Feeling awful for what you’d told him, but you had no choice.

“I wish I was Quinn, but I just got the call an hour ago. I have no choice!”

Quinn let out a snarky laugh as he resumed packing his suitcase, shaking his head as he moved about the room.

“You do have a choice, you’ve had a choice since the day you met me y/n. This is going to be one of the biggest nights of my career, and you’re canceling on me for a meeting?”

“Yes Quinn, a meeting that happens to be one of the biggest in my career! Look, I’m sorry that I refuse to be some stay at home WAG that cooks and cleans the house all day while you’re the one off making money and having a career. But I just don’t understand why you can’t support me in my career like I support you?”

Quinn scoffed as he zipped the suitcase shut, “yeah, some supportive girlfriend you are! I gotta go.”

Pulling his bag from the bed he grabbed his wallet and phone from his dresser as he headed downstairs, his ride waiting to take him to the airport. You knew that it was best to let him go, when fights like this happened it was better to end it once one of you walked away. But you were less stubborn as Quinn, you hated the idea of walking away from one another after saying something hateful. Especially when one of you is about to get on a plane for several hours.

“Quinn, wait!”

Hurrying down the stairs you tried your best to stop him, but he was already loading his things into the car. As he closed the trunk he looked to you, as if waiting for whatever it was you had to say.

“I love you, I’m so proud of you.”

He made his way to the side of the car, climbing in, he didn’t say anything back. Your heart sinking in your chest, though you told yourself it’s just Quinn being Quinn. The sound of the window rolling down stopped you from heading back into the house, a stern look on Quinn’s face as he spoke, “Call you when I land,” and with that he was gone.

-

Quinn was nervous, you could tell by his body language as his fingers picked at the arm of the couch he was seated on. Impatiently awaiting the announcement this entire night centered around for him. How you wished you could have been there. To hold his hand and keep him calm, to reassure him that whether he won or lost you still loved him and were so incredibly proud of him. But alas work had other plans, and you were left to watch from home on the couch with the rest of the world.

“And the winner of the James Norris Memorial Trophy is…”

You could feel your heart in your throat as you crossed your fingers, praying that his name would be called. The calm look on his face was simply a facade as you knew Quinn was probably laced with anxiety inside. His brothers beside him surely were doing the same as you, rooting for him as they always did.

“From the Vancouver Canucks, Quinn Hughes!”

“Yes!”

Your cheers echoed throughout the house as you jumped off the couch, clapping and cheering as you watched Quinn take the stage. You knew it was nothing to get emotional over, but you couldn’t help but shed a tear. Only a few people knew how hard he worked behind closed doors. What he went through day in and day out to be one of the top defenseman in the NHL. And now he could truly say, he was the top defenseman.

Thinking back to the argument the two of you had a few days ago, you started to question if Quinn was right. Despite always telling yourself that you wouldn’t give up your career for the typical WAG stay at home lifestyle, you were thinking of all the moments you could potentially be missing.

Though the NHL awards weren’t the biggest night in Quinn’s career, next it could be the Stanley Cup Final you’d be missing. And simply the idea of missing such a night for Quinn, you couldn’t imagine it. Though Quinn tries to respect your desire for your own career, you know he keeps a lot of his thoughts to himself. But after the last argument, you knew that it was getting harder and harder for him to keep those quiet.

-

“Baby?”

You heard Quinn’s voice echo throughout the house, followed by the sound of him setting down his bags. Quickly you hurried to put the finishing touches on your surprise dinner, the last step being to pour some of his favorite wine.

Just as you’d replaced the cork and set the bottle down Quinn turned the corner, a soft smile on his face as he looked over the candlelit dinner you’d prepared. He let out a sigh as he walked over to you, arms snaking around your waist as he pulled you close.

Taking in the scent of your perfume he loved so much, his hand tracing up and down your back as he took his time appreciating your body in his embrace. Making sure you knew how much he missed you as he pulled back to steal a kiss from you.

“Hi.”

“Hi babe.”

You smiled up at him, slightly giggling as you could see how well you pulled off your surprise by the look on his face. He helped you into your seat at the dining table before taking his own.

“So, what is all this about?”

His eyes scanned the table as you took your glass in hand, holding it out for him to cheers you.

“Like you have to ask Mr. Norris Trophy Winner!”

He rolled his eyes embarrassed as he raised his glass, then pulled it to his lips to take a sip.

“Yeah yeah, I know you didn’t do all of this just for me winning that trophy babe.”

His tone caught you a bit off guard, though appreciative it also seemed laced with sarcasm and assumption.

“Really Quinn? Why can’t I do something nice for you? I mean, you want me to be this stay at home type. Cooking dinner, having the house clean for you when you come home. This is what you want right? And now I’m being criticized for it.”

Quinn immediately regretted his comments, not meaning them to come across the way they did. He just wasn’t used to surprise dinners from you, with work usually holding you up at the office and dinner not a common occurrence, Quinn couldn’t help but feel there was more to the act than just a simple dinner. But he certainly didn’t mean to accuse you of buttering him up.

“I’m sorry, honest. I didn’t mean, I just. You’re right, you aren’t this type of girl to surprise me with dinner on the table. And I didn’t think me winning that trophy was enough reason to become that type of girl. So, for that I am sorry.”

He took your hand in his as you tried to let your frustrations subside, not noticing the tears in your eyes until Quinn reached out to wipe one away.

“I’m sorry Quinn.”

“You’re sorry? For what babe?”

Trying to laugh off your emotions, you simply wiped your tears as you served some salad onto Quinn’s plate.

“I just, I thought about that argument we had. And I think that maybe you’re right. Maybe I should consider giving up my job. I’d be able to do things like this more, come to more games, be at award ceremonies and sit next to you and support you. I can’t do that now, and you deserve so much more than that. So I’m sorry, but I’ll figure something out and try to be better.”

Quinn grabbed your wrist and stopped your anxious serving of food, taking the tongs and bowl of salad from you. Setting them down on the table with a sigh as he could tell how much the argument affected you.

“Baby, please. I love you just the way you are. You don’t need to be better, you’re perfect. I’m a dick for ever telling you that your career isn’t important, or for making you think you needed to give that up for me. Would it be nice to have you around more? Of course! But I don’t want you to sacrifice all of that for me, this should be a compromise. And I can let my emotions or frustrations relax a bit when it comes to your schedule. It’s not like the extra stress on you is at all necessary, work puts you through the ringer as it is.”

Nodding your head in agreement, you tried your best to take what Quinn said as facts, but you knew deep down he hated your work schedule. He hated how often you missed games, or how many nights you spent late at the office missing the opportunity for dinner with him at home. Despite him telling you that your career wasn’t an issue, you couldn’t help but feel like he’d be better off with a typical WAG that stuck to social media or was something more flexible like an influencer.

“Quinn, I hear you, I do. But, maybe you’re just trying to justify things. I know you’d prefer it to be different, and, I’m willing to sacrifice because I love you and I-“

“Don’t you have a big work event coming up?”

“What?”

The question caught you off guard, work wasn’t something Quinn ever asked much about, so you weren’t sure how to respond.

“There’s like a big party or something coming up?”

“Oh, yeah, our company gala. It’s basically to recognize the success of the company over the last year and stuff. Why?”

“You’re being recognized right?”

Quinn laughed at your confused stare, wondering why you thought him being interested in your work was so wrong.

“Can I go?”

“Y-you wanna go?”

“Of course! I don’t think I’ve ever been able to go before, and I wanna support you just as you do for me! I promise I’ll prove to you that you don’t have to be some stay at home trophy WAG for me, okay?”

[hoodoowoman]

5 sins of ts3 CC-creators...

I started my annual revision of CC for my lepacy save, and I just want to rant about CC... But before that THANK YOU TO ALL ACTIVE TS3 CC CREATORS, I LOVE YOU SO MUCH FOR WHAT YOU ARE DOING, THIS IS JUST TO GIVE US ALL (ME INCLUDED) SOME IDEAS REGARDING IMPROVEMENTS WE CAN MAKE. 1. No polycount in post. As a gamer who experienced huge in game lags because I was using thousands of 3454981345976134856786 poly stuff now I consider what to put in my game more carefully. It takes a lot of time to check every item I've downloaded in bulk (usually it's more than 300 items at once) whether it's ok or no for my game (I'm using up to 15k hair and up to 10k other stuff) and would be great if all had a habit to put polys in infobox about their cc. Would save a huge amount of time, really. You can check it in s3pe, tsrw or blender. 2. No custom thumb. I understand, we all are lazy at times, and not all of us pro photographers, BUT it really helps to identify CC and author (if all thumbs have something in common) if there is something you want to get rid of. It takes literally 5 mins to do a custom thumb. 3. Not making unisex stuff actually unisex. Come on, guys, it's a 21st century. Males deserve more love in ts3. And don't get me started about other ages… Basically, that's why I started converting, because I CRAVE more unisex and uniage CC. 4. Not checking suitable categories for your stuff. Loafers in athletic or sleepwear? That gorgeous hair is perfect for the official outfit, but it's nowhere to be found in that category. And my favourite — high heels for swimwear, so your sims could swim with style👠! For a ccholic like me with f.e. 1000+ items only in “Hair” folder, it sounds like a nightmare to click EVERY item and check categories. I'll do it anyway (cause ts3 has me in a chokehold T.T) but I mean........ 5. Not making recolorable preset. Unlike TS4, TS3 has beautiful colour wheel! Non-recolorable presets might be good, but what truly gives you freedom is to recolour it however you'd like. Please, please, PLEASE make at least one recolorable preset for your stuff. I'm begging you on my knees 🧎‍♀️ You can revisit your old CC to make it better, you can reupload the file on SFS, and it will still have the same link. Let's make ts3 cc better. It deserves it. You can add anything else you want to be improved in the comments section, yeah...

[nowimjustastranger]

I have been binge-reading your tumblr all day, and AHHHH, dude I love the StCMO AU so much holy shit. I cannot get enough of it. I actually read a Rick and Morty fic somewhat similar to this? It only focuses on one perspective, though. High key recommend:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/22024960

Also love love loveee your fics! I actually first subscribed to your AO3 back when you were first writing Supernatural fanfiction, and then I found you again when I got into Gravity Falls ❤️. The Supernatural to Gravity Falls pipeline is SO REAL and there are so many similarities between Dean vs Stan and Sam vs Ford that it haunts me. I have so many fic ideas just based on episodes of Supernatural 😂. HIWTHI is actually lightly inspired by s2e20.

Sorry, I'm ranting. I had a few questions related to StCMO:

1. What would StCMO!Ford do about a Stan and Ford stuck in a death time loop together? Somewhat similarly to Deja Vu by interlude (though it doesn't have to be), but if it wasn't resolved? I gotta know how he feels about the crossbow death 😭

2. WWS!FD if Bill is constantly going after Stan through Rico and the cartel and whoever else because Ford wanted to make amends with his brother before the portal was finished? Bill doesn't want the distraction, and all of Stan's enemies are easily manipulated into deals to kill Stan off? (an AU of mine i've been toying with)

3. Does he ever feel a little bit detached after going through so many dimensions of Stans and Fords? I feel like it would be easy to become desensitized to it and forget the original perspective he started with.

Holy shit hi! Lovely to see you in the bottomless hole that is the GF fandom with me lmao. And yeah, lots of parallels with respective sets of brothers! I will absolutely read your fic rec! It looks delicious.

Death Loop

Admittedly, Ford 419"3 would have some trouble getting into the time loop, but he'd find a way if it meant safely break it. The hardest part for Ford 419"3 would be seeing Stan's die and having to wait for the loop to reset. Lots of bad memories being dredged up. Because not only is he traumatized by his time in Bill's clutches, but the missions that go wrong had also left lingering mental wounds. Ford would have to figure out how to keep Stan his brother alive long enough for Ford to actually break the time loop, so he'd have his hands full to say the least.

Bill is a Bitch

Ford would be having none of that shit. He'd probably enlist Lee to act as a bodyguard and have Lee deliver Stan to his brother safely while Ford handled the threats at the source (ie: wiping out all the gangs that have a vendetta against Stan). After he finished his task or removing the vast majority of threats against Stan to make it harder for Bill to find a puppet, Ford 419"3 would meet Lee and Stan at his counterpart's shack, showing his counterpart the evidence that he and Lee had collected to prove that Bill was behind the attempts on Stan's life.

Same Shit, Different Day

Ford doesn't become desensitized, per say, but seeing so much bad shit does leave it's mark on him. Instead of becoming numb to it, he had become obsessed with the safety of his loved ones. He's mentally unwell in the sense that he's constantly on alert, no longer able to truly let his guard down. Even with Lee and the niblings, unfortunately. He's more like a feral animal than a man, viciously protecting those that he considers his until death. He has insomnia due to his anxiety and paranoia, only sleeping when his body literally shuts down on him. Lee and Fiddleford are working on coaxing him to sleep a little here and there before that happens, but it's slow-going.

[tee-dohrnii]

I love the idea that for a darker Gale the orb corrupted him. The orb is made from dark magic that's considered "evil". Seeing as it's so close to the heart it might've blackened it and had him become colder, more uncaring. Kind of like with the Ice Queen's magic. So with that on top of Mystra's abuse and betrayal, the orb has truly turned him into a new person. I love dark Gale. It just brings out the villain potential Gale has.

Oooh yeah corrupted by the orb is a great villain plot. And honestly yeah now that you brought it up, Gale does have good villain potential!

But I think I also like the idea more of instead of making him cold and uncaring, the orb actually feeds into his caring, loving nature and corrupts that aspect of him.

Gale wants to be loved and accepted, right? It's why he sought out the orb in the first place. To prove himself to Mystra as a good wizard, lover, Chosen. What if the orb took that and magnified it?

What if he's now obsessed with being the perfect wizard? Obsessed with being the perfect lover? Surely all he has to do is show how much love he can give, right? All the wonders he can show, the power he can wield? Surely the world will accept him then, right? Surely his love will love him back? All he has to do is be MORE.

[yuseirra]

I was drawing something about Ruby and how she'd be feeling but while I was jotting things down, it made me think: is it really worth it?

I mean even the writers just brushed it off.

She lost a family member and the story handles it with a bystander going she cried a lot but she overcame it with friends, and started shining, became everyone's idol! She's truly someone sent by a god to bring light to darkness! In a few panels

That's it.

They could have had this same idea going but illustrated it with some depth into it. She lost her TWIN. Someone who she lived with all her life right beside her! And he was someone who she had a very unique and special type of bond with over the span of not just one life but two. But Aqua's presence and significance is just nonexistent in the final chapter. What he meant to Ruby was huge and it's not illustrated very well because Ruby doesn't get to speak for herself in the last chapter.

If that's what the authors deem is for the best, then what is the point of me trying to make it out? They clearly don't want to share it so much in depth even when they have the skills to, so this is what they want to do with their work and handle Ruby. I think this is coined this way to portray the nature of how idols "appear" as. Ruby isn't... Handled like a human being in the last chapter or the past several chapters actually. I'm not even sure if Aqua understood her well because he viewed her very idealistically the way he described her. Yeah.. Ruby did turn out the way Aqua described her as but that's how she appears outwardly. It's her shell. So sending out love is a role of hers now huh? But where is her personality as a person? She gives out love to people but... That can be achieved through anyone who has those "eyes" or "talent" isn't it? It actually doesn't have to be Ruby or herself as a person if it's about the eyes, it's more about the ability? You can put out a pretty doll out there and if it's charming enough, wouldn't it achieve the same effect?

I liked the movie arc a lot because it showed Ai was a human being but people wished her to be a cute, perfect and a convenient doll that could love anyone. Isn't THAT exactly what Ruby's become in the end? I didn't really take Ruby to be that way but the ending makes it seems like she's worshipped for a shell she's developed. It doesn't feel genuine. And I think that's intentional so why... What point does the author want to make about this industry~~~ Ai sends out a way better message in terms of what an idol goes through!!! This is so unfair to Ruby!!!

Everything Kamiki said was so right I just. Everything played out the way he said it would. People don't see Ruby as a person, the same way it was like for Ai. Ai wanted her truth to be out there though!! Ruby isn't following her mom's legacy~~~ I went oh he had insight!! He knew what was going to happen to his daughter!! He saw the same thing happen to Ai of course he would have. Aqua should have stayed beside Ruby and cheered her on. There is no point. On everything. Kamiki SAID he should go watch Ruby's journey as an idol? Doesn't that mean!!! He'd have let her live through it!! Dunk him later then!! Or is it that Aqua wouldn't be able to find him later? Honestly I really think!! The guy tried to bring back Ai, that was what he was gonna do- considering mephisto and fatal's lyric I feel the guy was going to die anyway even without Aqua having taken those measures??? He doesn't seem like he had a will to live ANYWAY but sure, Aqua sure. take your dear life along with him. This isn't explained.

It does make me think: why should I care about a work the author has dropped...how can this writing be something that isn't ditched. Let's face it, it is. That's the sad part. If I could feel the author did their best within the abilities they have, I'd still feel it's loved. But I'm not sure if they care for their own work?;; what's the point on trying to work with something the writers themselves don't care for?; I want to be convinced they do. But it's pretty hard to believe so. You have to love what you create or have some sort of passion in it to get it across to people. I couldn't really feel it in the end. So despite the art being very good.. I can't feel so much about it and it doesn't really give out a better message than it already did in the beginning of the series either. That's quite saddening. I hope they don't do something like this ever again in the pieces they write in the future, I'm not going to follow them because it's too risky to follow an artist who does this about their piece, regardless of how talented they are.

[doveywovy]

#tbrm going actually insane in that dark isolated cave#presumably only eating things Izuna brings him#does Izuna know his food needs to be cooked?#endgame Izuna releases him into his little island and hes eventually found but by that time hes so thuroughly stolkholm syndromed#and horrifically impacted by being so alone for however long#that he can never truly return to normal human society#even if he were to leave hed find himself coming back bc its now all he knows @oh-no-its-bird

at first izuna doesn't know he needs cooked food, but he does eventually accidentally give tobirama the supplies to make fire and after tobirama starts cooking the stuff he gives him he makes sure to keep supplying him with wood (partially bc he thinks its SOOO funny. look at the weird intricate rituals this creature does just to eat fish!!!)

He also has to debone the fish for Tobirama, which mermaids typically only do their really young kids, so the other mermaids really view him as spoiling his little pet.

and yeah absolutely tobirama's been driven bonkers by what he's survived to the point he eventually cannot actually imagine escaping it. love the idea he gets rescued, tries to live a normal life, only to end up going back out to sea in a desperate bid for izuna to take him back. I think maybe he brings a few things with him under the implication this is a lifelong commitment (like a fruit tree to plant on his island so he doesn't get fucking scurvy again, that really sucked....)

izuna had been mourning the loss of his beloved little human pet-boyfriend for the entire time he was gone, and is overjoyed to find he's come back. he does like- gnaw on him a little bit, oopsies, but he promises not to eat the guy in his entirety. he maybe just chews on his stupid split-fins.

afterwards their relationship is fundamentally different. sometimes izuna hefts himself onto the island to lay in the sand next to tobirama, more vulnerable than he ever would've let himself be before. sometimes tobirama wads into the water, walks until he has to swim, and lets Izuna drag him through the waves with the assurance he won't let him drown.

Here's a fun twist: one of those mer aus where one half of the ship is a mer in some form of confinement and the other is a human scientist / zoo-goer or whatever peering at them from behind the glass— but now flip it.

The mer is actually the scientist and the human is the one in some form of captivity

[le-agent-egg]

Ishimondo week day 2: Sickness / Promise

If anything this is kind of a mix of both! Thanks to @sp11ked for helping me with the idea of adding alter ego…

And sorry this is so late

[zehl0w]

Zenitsu agatsuma has got to be the biggest egg I have ever seen in my entire life

[fantasykiri5]

Day 6 of @hermitadaymay and it’s the one and only Sans Undertale!!

[forgottenrian]

6/4

there ~is a brother! his name is garbhan, and he evidentally had some kind of something w eabha asp, but that's all i got for you hahaha

its interesting bc like...i dont think rian ~truly wants to rule like??? that was his dad's dream!! and i don't think he ever got a chance to find one of his own [11/16 edit: what his actual dream here is, is to finally make his papa proud/heal the perceived wrongs of the past/finally achieve some peace but even he doesn't quite realize that tbqh]! he thinks he wants it! more than anything!!!! but i don't think, if he'd grown up w a healthy family etc, that that would be his wish by any stretch yknow [11/16 edit: i think he'd wanna be like..a scholar of some sort honestly!]? however, he has no idea this is the case and he's just chasing it, chasing it, chasing it bc its been impressed upon him that that's what he has to do!! but anyway that's neither here nor there frankly!! except ig that in another universe rian would be like 'same' to his cousin hahaha

but in this one he'll maintain till the bitter end that that's the thing he wants most in the entire world!!! and it ~is, in the sense that he wants his father to have been a happy man and to have found some peace in his life, and he lowkey believes that becoming king will retroactively do that or smth he'd need a v well trained and v patient therapist to help him sort out unfortunately lkajsdfkjlsdf

i do think like...it didn't even occur to rian ~to stay honestly??? Lkjasdklfjjsdf like that that was even an OPTION!! like you go to the trials, you fail, you bail!! that's just what you do! lkjasdfjsjdkf but, even that aside, i do think he had this really false impression of domhnall's family built up in his head that was...pr wild, like i feel like they were presented as these great rivals who cheated his dad out of what was his by rights by stealth and deceit and everything else, and even stole away the woman he loved and like forced her to marry him instead etc etc and like???? i dont think the versions of the staffords that existed in rian's head even remotely resembled their real counterparts, like queen lena was a doomed heroine, domhnall was an evil tyrant, the girls were all spoiled, entitled, manipulative brats who took too much after their evil father since their poor virtuous mother was too much a prisoner to ever really raise them etc lkadsjflkjsdfkjlskdjfdsf

so yeah i do def think rian was, as a result, pr rude from the start and like ready for them to betray him and honestly the first time they behaved honorably he probs thought to himself 'like wow this deception really runs deep huh' lakjsdflkjsdf kjlsdkjfjksdf

and then that selfish lil brat stole ~his rightful inheritance away too just like her father had done to his!! where is justice in this country???? NOWHERE!! and he was like 'these poor ppl they need someone to come in and save them' and like...ok the system didn't seem to be ~quite as rigged as his father had said it was in ~his day, rian did observe what appeared to be a really fair process going on, but his dad couldn't have been ~that wrong abt his own ~family right?! so clearly these ppl have all been deceived! and then, sure enough, the next he really encounters eilia, its one of her envoys preaching abt the evils of roderick whose going around doing nothing but liberating ppl from oppressive systems and spreading justice and enlightenment wherever he goes!!

11/16

omg so i wrote everything above this on june 4th and appreantly never came back to finish/post it till now *facepalm* thank god for the comments site bc i legit thought i had!!! alkdjsfkljsdf anyway, so sorry lovely!!

but anyway went back and read your commen tto refresh and got suuuper emo reading abt aria's feelings re: her dad and uncle bc like???? that's not what aria did!!!! she stayed put, she became eilia's closest advisor and companion and the whole theme of duty coming up again and SOB but anyway!!!! laksjdfkljsdjkf

klasdjflkasjdfksdf omg yeah he probs was, i feel like there was the initial surrender by eilia directly to roderick but then, after his whole court was assembled, he probs had some ceremonial nonsense abt it and idk that rian was necessarily there for surrender the first (im still lowkey working out what his part was in the war so i don't wanna commit him anywhere till ive got that figured out ngl but honestly him having helped w the attack on stafford would make a tonnnn of sense since he'd been there etc but also i deffff feel like since he was given lorcan specifically he had smth to do w fighting them etc so??? idk!! but it might also just be that roderick considers lorcan the second most royal place in astaira and rian the second most royal person after himself etc -- idk!) but he was dEF there for surrender the second, no question!!! BAHAHAHA eilia holding aria back by the scruff of the neck like a kitten from commiting public murder tho lkajsdfkljskjfa eilia: 'ppl were noT kidding when they said that family reunions were STRESSFUL' heehee

rian def comes to the palace a good bit!! for one thing, he's honestly super curious abt it since his dad grew up there and all his ancestors lived there and i just knowwwwww he grew up on stories abt it and has read endlessly abt it in all his studies and research etc etc etc (he would give ANYTHING to see the vault of the heavens w his own eyes!!!!!) but also he's def got networking to do at court!!!!! and he's suuuuper bad at it so he needs all the practice he can get!!!! BAHAHAHA no but for real he gotta try!!!! he's still got his eyes on the prize...esp now that he's realizing that roderick rmaybe ~isn't what he once thought kalsdjfkljsfjkdf big whoops my man!!!! l;ajsdfkljsdf

BAHAHAHAHAHA im picturing this pop quiz set up kinda like a debate team and once again the stafford girls are carrying all the weight here BAHAHAHA but yeah in terms of those kinds of facts, i do think rian would also be able to tell you that!!! what he won't be able to do is pronounce ANYTHING you're getting his varmont-accent and he's ??? abt how 'adh' can make a 'uh' kinda sound rather than an 'ahd' sound etc!!!! but he's only ever read these words, never heard them!!!! so he just sounded them out to the best of his ability!!!! so yeah he's out there like butchering his own native tongue, plus he's also seeing all this through the lens of roderick nonsense, like if you ask him an astairan theological question he'll be like 'they believe these demons can protect them' and the astairans like 'THEY'RE CALLED GUARDIANS' but yeah i feel like what he ~can tell you is abt that distant ormond/calleary relations and that banner of the 14th lord etc...if its smth you could read in a book, he knows it. but if its smth you had to experience he does NOT know it lkdsjfakljsdf research is his one (1) talent alksjdfkljsdjfk jk jk (kinda ;D) but anyway that being said i have no doubtttt aria could and woulD kick his ass in this competish!!!! rian: why do these stafford girls keep doing this to me??? lkajsdklfjskjdf

omg noooo but ur soooo right!!! the fact that ~both sides of the family think the ~other side betrayed them!!!! its both laughable and tragic honestly and you know i eat that irony uppppp laksjdfklsdjfakjlsdf

sooooo i think rian is a lil ????? on the question of religion!!! like i think he's effectively agnostic???? sometimes, when he's feeling a lil more romantic he'll be like 'these are spirits/gods' as he looks up at the stars or whatever, but he never quite names them. when just talking abt things, he def calls the guardians demons, but i think he's actually kinda dubious as to whether they ~or even roderick's god even exist???? he was kinda brought up to both believe in and NOT believe in both/either so he's just ??????? but yeah if you ask him he will def be on abt roderick's one god bc he does noT wanna be burned as a heretic!! laksjdfkljsdf but yeah!!! he's deffff hardcore anti-burning ppl for any reason, frankly, ++ i don't think he believes witches actually exist??? (again, he would call them that not seers!) but does think ppl should be able to believe whatever they want!!!! including smth that's a complely different thing from either varmont OR astairan belief!!!! you guys do you!!!! illl do me!!! its great!!! laksjdfkljsdfjk he's def a freedom of thought kinda guy

if we do go w the his-sister-was-burned-as-a-witch then he's even ~more anti burning/cynical abt roderick etc!!!!!!! if he had no sister its still just an ideological thing w/o the even more personal component but yeah!!! either way that is NOT cool w him and honestly??? he wiLL tell you as much even tho he knows that hurts his chances w roderick, its just suchhh a heinous thing he has to be honest abt that one, tho he ~will be carefully how he phrases it bc he's not stupid hahaha

OOC | Rían & Aria

cousin!!!!! awkward meeting this way...jk jk but only bc they met years ago at the ~queensmoot~ where it was even MORE awkward to meet bc he was a ~25 year old getting his ass handed to him by his ~16 year old lil cousin, and getting all his life's hopes crushed under her lil heel in the process alskdjflkdsfj ;DDDDD

no, but this is all v complicated!!!!! i feel like rian is, in theory, an astairan EXPERT!!!!! he's studied every single detail of their culture, history, beliefs his entire life!!!!!! he lives and breathes this stuff!!!! but he's also never, EVER lived here until now and while he may be able to recite every astairan verse ever written, he says it with a varmont accent, and when he dances astairan dances, he does it with the structure and rigidity of instilled by a varmont dancing master, like...he really is in the weirdest position! he's like a scholar of an ancient religion -- you can ask him anything and he knows all the theory!!!!!!!! but he's never experienced any of it and, as a result, he gets a loT of it wrong -- lotsa book smarts, zero street smarts!

anyway, as a result, rian truly believes he'd be great for astaira and that he knows her backwards and forwards but!!! the truth is quite different!!!! and he doesn't really belong here, he doesn't belong in varmont, he doesn't belong ~anyway and he's only just finding that out

anyway, his feelings about the stafford girls are VERY complex!!!!!! on one hand, he was brought up w the ideals of chivalry and such and like!!!!! this is not how you treat ppl!!!!!! and also its a family embarrassment that his kin were declared bastards and he doesn't like that!!!!!! but he also resents them (esp eilia!!!!) for the whole ~queenship thing! he truly believes that he was astaira's best bet and look what happened!!!!!! ~he never would've lost astaira (but then again eilia never would've fed vital info to roderick!!!!!!)

but alsooooooo he threw in w roderick bc he believed what roderick was saying about strength and stability (and bc he wanted revenge shhhh) but then roderick started quite literally burning ppl!!!! and without trials too!!!!!! and so rian's just sat here quite literally going 'my god what have i done' but he sees no way to fix it save to just...keep going and alkjsdkljf SCREAM

[forgetme-eternally-blissfully]

Do you ever think that when Cale was KRS, he subconsciously knew about the curse? All of those terrible things kept happening to people he cared about- so much so that it would become a recognizable pattern (that he would realize later on was an actual curse) so he unintentionally twisted his mind into the piece of origami it is now, attributing people to their worth and convenience and refusing to express care for anyone, inside of his heart or to the outside world.

… He fails at hiding it. He fails because he doesn’t even know what counts as caring about someone’s well being, he doesn’t know what it looks like! He’s only ever had his own concern towards himself (and Lee Soo Hyuk and Choi Jung Soo), and everyone who cares for him like he cares for them— dies.

He knows how to be a team leader and how to manage and take responsibility for his members, but he doesn’t want to outwardly or inwardly care. Even after finding out about the curse, he doesn’t see how he refuses to care about things.

Well- he does care about things. Arguably more than anyone else, because his internal longing for human connection is so bone-deep that he can only create reasons why he’s helping people, instead of saying that he wants to.

‘Want’ got Cale nowhere. ‘Family’ got him nowhere. ‘Friends’ left him to sweep up his broken remains. ‘Home’ didn’t last, ‘safety’ is an illusion, and ‘emotions’ have only ever gotten in his way. Time and time again, these facts got drummed and burned into his mind.

It’s all he knows. It’s all Kim Rok Soo knew for his aching, dragging 36 years of existence.

Now he’s Cale Henituse.

Those facts are still there. They’ve become deep, welded scars in his mind. They’ll never go away.

But he’s learning. Very, very slowly. Those scars will never disappear, but maybe through this story, he can learn to traverse his trauma.

I hope so.

I really, really hope so.

(Drafted: January 23, 2023)

(I found this gathering dust in my drafts and decided to post it)

[stagefoureddiediaz]

Thinking thoughts about Abuela being back and with this backstory about her being taken in by charlatans and Eddies whole catholic guilt thing and how the two things kind of play into one another as an exploration of faith and being taken in by something.

Abuela giving all her money to the tarot card readers etc because she was searching for something - for connection (with Abuelo) - trying to recapture what she had lost, and How Eddie has spoken about trying to re-find the magic he had with Shannon - how Eddie hasn't actually fully reconciled the Shannon of it all when it comes to relationships and how his Catholic guilt connects into that.

How Marisol as a physical representation of Catholicism is part of that narrative - how Eddie is entering a place where he has to chose his path - in order to move on from Shannon he needs to fully square the hole - catholic or non catholic. And how that needs to happen first - before he can begin his queer journey!

[hella1975]

hiiii haha. hello. exceptionally awkward introduction bc idrk how to start something like this so let's just jump right in. im taking a break from this account for a bit. i know i said i wanted taob out before halloween and currently im fine sticking with that deadline, but if i decide i need longer away then i will take longer away. every time ive reassured people that id never abandon a fic and updates will always come eventually i never once considered that my writing and ability to feel safe and comfortable on this site would be actively taken from me, so im not even going to apologise. i dont want this either and more importantly i dont fucking deserve it. i dont know what it is in the past year, if ive hit a certain amount of followers or 'popularity' that's made it so the natural ratio of positive to negative interactions must in turn go up, but there's been a serious uptick in weird asks for me. the annoying part is that a very small amount of them are actually objectively mean and hateful, the rest are just weird and invasive from people who seemingly dont realise that's what they're being. ive reached a point where i dont care if the intentions are good. it's not my job as a 20 year old tumblr user of all things to defend the morality of someone who couldnt even bother to come off anon. unfortunately, after blocking only one or two anons, the weird asks have decreased substantially, which says all you need to know about the fascinating and exhilarating lives led by these people, but ive also gone on to turn anon asks off entirely. this is something i actively fought against doing and had to be pushed into by my mutuals (who have been the coolest people on planet earth during this entire thing). turning off anon was a big deal to me even if it sounds silly. i felt betrayed and like id been backed into a corner because it was so vehmently something i DIDNT WANT that to feel like i had to do it anyway for my own mental health??? that sucks. so even though ive 'fixed' the problem, im still kind of reeling and uncomfortable every time i come on tumblr. i hope it's just something i need time to ease because i'll truly be devastated if this becomes 'ruined' for me. tumblr exists as the only place in the world where i am honestly every facet of myself without shame or hesitation; losing that would be insanely harmful to me. and to the people who cant appeal to the actual human behind the post, let me put that in words you can understand: we wouldn't get any more writing 😦😦😦 riots and fires and sirens, i know. so yeah. to anyone who has sent me an anon ask and you're now wondering if you were part of the problem, im firmly of the belief that you'll know if you are. when i say 'weird asks' i dont mean 'you sent me a para about your personal life just to vent or ask for advice' or 'you sent me a really deep emotional compliment about the impact me and/or my writing has had on you' - i love asks like that, so much that i put off taking a break and turning off anon solely for the joy they bring me. im sorry that it might feel like you're being punished too bc of the actions of what in reality is a HANDFUL of weird people, but this is what i feel like i have to do to feel safe and not go insane every time i log in. love you guys, hopefully ill see you soon x

[katierosefun]

my cancelled-able trait from the queer community would be that i really apparently love messy endings. i love u happy endings and i also love u such sad, messy, ambiguous endings . . . i love u endings where u have this weird pit in the bottom of your stomach because you know that there's love here but u have no idea what to do with it and u just have to deal with the fact that someone is profoundly affecting your life and you're not gonna get closure from it anytime soon . . . i love u queer love stories where it's really just "u don't always get to see the sunshine and rainbows at the end of it . . . sometimes all that's left is just one big question mark and the quiet hope that they get their shit together" . . .

[paigemathews]

Something that I feel a lot of fans forget when they get angry at Phoebe for refusing to help Cole in the Wasteland is that he's not just asking her to save him. Despite saying that the Source is gone, he very intentionally still asks her to be evil. That's not me being dramatic or anything either because that's very explicitly canon. Phoebe, even as a Charmed One, doesn't have the power to resurrect Cole. As a good witch, she just physically (magically?) can't; it's not something within her abilities. (Obviously, otherwise, she and Piper would've resurrected Prue.)

The only method that Cole gives her to save him is the Grimoire. Y'know, the book that requires you to be evil to even touch it, much less use it. That's not something that you can trick; she would have to become evil again to even use it. He knows that, even acknowledges it to Phoebe in the Wasteland. She literally tells him that she won't use dark magic again, acknowledging it as evil. Cole isn't like oh, forgot about that! No, he asks her if she wouldn't use it "even for us." He knows what that would entail and what that would require Phoebe to do.

That isn't even getting into what the spell itself would require. This part, admittedly, is speculation but with the Grimoire being the Grimoire and resurrection like that being so rare and difficult, I have a hard time believing that the spell or ritual wouldn't have involved killing innocents. (Personal headcanon is that the spell calls for at least one heart personally. We see with Tuatha in That Old Black Magic that she uses a human heart to disempower witches. Something much worse would logically be required for a resurrection spell.) Just asking Phoebe even retrieve the Grimoire, much less use it, is bad.

As for later, she is still planning on giving up her powers, so it's not as if she'll be able to discover some other method to save him. She won't be Charmed anymore. And while, yes, the Angel of Destiny gives them some time to make this decision, there's still a time limit on how long they can take this option. Maybe with more time, Phoebe would have been able to figure out a way to save him without the Grimoire. However, it'd have required her to stay chained to a destiny that she no longer wanted and give up the future that she, and Piper, wanted: one free of magic, pain, loss, etc. So, yeah, she simply doesn't have the time, resources, or ability to save him without the Grimoire (which still isn't an option anyways). And by the time that she and Piper decide that they want to remain as witches, Cole has already freed himself, so it's a moot point anyways.

I mean, genuinely, in this situation, what did people want Phoebe to do? She didn't refuse to save Cole; she literally could not save him from the Wasteland. (And this is without delving into the argument about if Phoebe should save him or is obligated to save Cole anyways, which is a completely different question involving their relationship, choices, and morality.)