#i truly do imagine those first 7 years were the most peace they ever got to experience before shit went to hell

[thefandomsfervent]

JayVik x Reader Personal Pigments(Part 19) - Quinacridone Violet

This is a jayvik x reader fic now but it'll still be labeled as a Vik Fic until it's fully implemented. It is going to be a JayVik fic. Ft domesticity

Find my imagine that inspired it here. Previous and next chapter will be linked at the bottom.

As much as daily chapters were fun to do, not feasible with my current work schedule. It may move to a couple days between releases now. stay tuned and Thank you for reading <3

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Viktor and Jayce weren’t sure when you were coming back, no real frame of reference for when you had left the note and gone to get them food. You were sweet on the two of them, and so utterly clueless to the plans they had for you. While waiting for you they discussed the terms of their newly determined relationship. They were partners. Boyfriends sounded silly in terms of their affection for one another. It didn't seem to fully encapsulate the depth of their care. They saw other people before and wanted to see people after. They wouldn’t pry into each other’s business on casual affairs, but for recurring trysts? The more serious another person became in either’s life meant that they would be telling the other about them. And when it came to you? To your tender artisan hands and sweet demeanor? They both wanted to have you, together, separately, didn’t really matter. Jayce and Viktor knew that at some point you would be involved, if your lingering eyes and rose dusted cheeks said anything about how you felt. 

What they were truly focused on now was how they were supposed to court you. Or how to explain last night to you. If they wanted more time for themselves first or if they were going to go ahead and start pursuing you actively. They had decided that if you asked again for clarification on their relationship they would be honest. And if you made it clear that you wanted to pursue them? In a heartbeat they’d want to know so much more about you than they knew now. Til then, they would just let things progress. After so long of working together and becoming as intrinsically close as they had, it was no surprise that they were on the same page for so much of their discussion. They differed more on how to continue their scientific pursuits than they did about their relationship and you. 

In terms of your note they decided that if you asked about the development one of them could explain their current plans for Hextech. You were aware of some of their current workings but not all of them, mostly just aware of when they would be gone for meetings, not entirely what took place in them. Jayce was wiping off a section of the chalkboard Viktor had documented to their notes when the familiar scrape of the door pulled his focus. There you were. Balancing a drink carrier and brown bag in one hand as you struggled to keep the door open with the other. He didn’t have time to come over and help you before you squeak through the crack and let the heavy door shut behind you. A thunk as it seals. 

“Glad to see you alive and well, Talis. Thought you’d be nursing a major headache right now.” He laughs at your statement, taking in your arrival. You’re wearing a lazy smile and a little bit of sweat. Seemed like Piltover was heating up as the year marched forward. He had thought the same when he woke up at first. Yet he had found cold water and lots of it in the haze of last night’s memories. Ofcourse, there was still that day-after grogginess that came with too much drinking, but he had definitely experienced worse. 

“Not worried about me then Ms. L/N?” They may have also agreed to make their affections more obvious.  Didn't want future developments stunted by lack of trying. So when you hear Viktor say that to you, they both keep watchful eyes on how you react.  A stuttered step that you could blame on your imbalanced grip from the door. A simple flush creeping up your neck. 

“Well, considering you were able to help me carry wine legs back to his room I figured you'd be faring a bit better.” Jayce jumps a bit at that. Right, the both of you had practically carried and put him to bed like a toddler. You're walking over to put your delivery on the table when you continue.  Your back to both men.  “Did you have any trouble after you got to your room?” It is genuine concern in your voice, a caring look over your shoulder to gauge. Had maneuvering a drunken Jayce hurt his leg?  

Viktor tried to hide the cough that is pulled from his lungs, excused it as a clearing of his throat. Not an admission of guilt. Now he felt bad for wanting to tease you because you had no idea what trouble he did get into last night. Your eyes start to go wide with worry and it prompts him to speak, to deflect. 

“No. But, eh wine legs here, definitely gave us some trouble, yes?” He gestures to Jayce, who looks defeated. An apologetic smile and a hand rubbing the back of his neck. 

“Sorry about that. But hey! We really appreciate the breakfast.” He’s walking over to you while you pull out the food. Strawberries, blueberries,  pound cake, a small bowl of cooked meat patties. All things you got from your journey to the markets this morning. 

“What had you guys celebrating anyways? Or did you just need a night to loosen up?” You’re setting up the container of fruits, fiddling with the lid when Jayce stands behind you. Emanating warmth. Comfort. He reaches past you to grab a slice of the cake, a muscled arm coming into view. You try not to jump when you realize how close he is. Instead you casually side-step to grab the teas. A sound follows your movement, an almost laugh. Not that you could really tell over the heartbeat in your ears. “I hadn’t realized how much wine was in that thing, figured there’d be more missing,” you glance at Jayce. He’s picking at the fruit and grabbing a sausage. “Or do you tell everyone how nice it is that they’re warm?” Trying to taunt him was not working. Because pulling those words out just meant that you remembered how strong his hold was. How warm he had been, how he’d leaned into your open palm slurred speech and all. In that open hallway. Right in front of Viktor. His… ? Still, it works to distract you from how close Jayce had been in the present.

Viktor chuckles as he also makes his way to where you and Jayce were. Golden eyes watching when Jayce nearly drops his food. Grabbing his cup of labeled black tea, still hot like he liked it in the mornings. Though, he had heard people switched to ice in the warmer seasons here, something he hadn’t tried out of fear of diluting the flavor. And the caffeine. His gaze drifts to where you were standing. Taking in the simple domesticity. Jayce is eating his breakfast with you by his side. The sound of a paper cup slipping out of cardboard, the click of the lid opening when you grab your tea. The slide of another against the table when you push Jayce’s cinnamon tea towards him, steam wafting out of the top. Soft silence is broken when Jayce speaks, “The wine was good, you should have some sometime. Come to think of it. You’re almost here as much as we are. When was the last time you got out?” 

You pause, you honestly couldn’t remember. When was the last time that you had let loose? The thought makes you nervous, a pre-emptive guilt. You could go out when you had something worth celebrating. You decide to not answer. “Speaking of getting out.” They both perk up at that. “I have a proposition for the two of you.” Jayce chokes this time. “She has to stop doing that.” Viktor pats his back while you continue, ignoring the images flashing through his mind. “Mel brought up a good point, I won’t be here for this painting forever. And Hextech will need art for sponsorship and advertising.” You’re speaking quickly. Nervously. Not truly looking at either of them. “When I first came here I talked about it as a… as an option for you guys to take art seriously. I promise I hadn’t had the intention for myself.” 

Viktor is watching you curiously. He disliked the idea of having to market Hextech, it puts a bad taste in his mouth. It is for the people, or it will be for the people. But if Mel was involved it likely would serve as a business venture to whatever influential people ran in her circle. Not as the help him and Jayce meant for it to be for the common man. Still, he had not considered that you would have to leave when the painting was done. That there wouldn’t necessarily be anything to keep you there. With them. And some selfish part of him wants you to stay, even though your departure would be far off. He thinks Jayce feels the same, given how the man tensed beneath his palm. Those broad shoulders straightening as you talk. 

“Nothing we have to get into depth about now. But if and when the time comes, consider putting my name in the hat.” Your index finger is catching on the plastic lid of your tea. A faint clicking sound while you stand waiting to see if they say anything. 

“You’re the first to offer. You’ll be the first we reach out to.” Jayce’s words soothe you instantly, as does the hum of affirmation from Viktor. The tightness in your upper back loosens and you sip your tea. The three of you letting the morning air be still in the lab. Enjoying the tranquil moment before you all have to get back to work.

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-------------.·͙*̩̩͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩̥͙　✩　*̩̩̥͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩͙‧͙-Part 18-.-Part 20.·͙*̩̩͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩̥͙　✩　*̩̩̥͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩͙‧͙ .---------------

------------‧̍̊·̊‧̥°̩̥˚̩̩̥͙°̩̥‧̥·̊‧̍̊ ♡ °̩̥˚̩̩̥͙°̩̥ ·͙*̩̩͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩̥͙· Master Fic List *̩̩̥͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩͙‧͙ °̩̥˚̩̩̥͙°̩̥ ♡ ‧̍̊·̊‧̥°̩̥˚̩̩̥͙°̩̥‧̥·̊‧̍̊--------------

[idv-ask-the-showman]

“Ladies and gentlemen, boys and ghouls, Welcome one and all to tonight show~ I am your friendly neighbour Showman, Phineas. oh, just what a truly haunting pleasure it is to see all your spirited faces gathered here tonight!! I stand before you to celebrate, announce, and embrace the arrival of the spine-tingling month of October!!”

“And we all knows what that means~ the air is crisp, the leaves are falling, and the pumpkin spice is flowing. It's that time of year when the mischievous spirits come out to play and Halloween lurks just around the cobweb-covered corner. Yes, honey, it's time to release your inner witch, wizard, vampire, or even a gloriously goofy ghost!”

“In this magical month of October, the world transforms into a whimsical wonderland of frightful delights. It's the time when the veil between realms becomes as thin as spider silk, granting us a chance to embrace our wildest imaginations.”

“And we are here tonight to make sure that during this frightful and spooOOOOooky~ month, you would have the most fun you could have ever dream of!! Heheh~”

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//okay I made a small drawings ideas list for you all to use for fun during this month, is not long or a lot but is the best I could do tbh. You do not have to do them in order or as fast as possible, you can just pick what fit your fancy and have fun!!

{DRAW YOUR OCs}

Getting ready for Halloween

Carving a pumpkin

Going to a simple Halloween party

Going/giving trick or treating

Splash art for their costume (like in genshin)

Scary movies night

Playing a horror game

Waking up from a nightmare

Halloween masquerade ball

Dressing up as their favourite horror movie character

Let them sing their favourite children rhythm but in a more of a scary tone.

Dancing underneath the blood moon

Got cursed by a witch (your choice what the curse is)

Exploring a real hunted house

Day of the dead

Dress as their friend/family member

Doing one of those 3am scary challenges (Bloody Mary, ouija)

Be a menace to society and watch or already set the Christmas decorations and movies mid October >:3

Visit a graveyard, why not?

Doing a devilish ritual to summon an ancient evil deity… with the besties!!

Getting drunk in a party

Hiding a DEAD BODY.

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{OCs Asks}

1. If your OC had to choose between being a vampire, werewolf, or witch,etc. which one would they pick and why?

2. What would be your OC's favorite Halloween candy or treat? Would they have any unusual cravings?

3. Does your OC have any unique Halloween traditions or rituals that they follow each year?

4. If your OC hosted a Halloween party, what would be the theme and how would they decorate the venue?

5. What is your OC's opinion on scary movies? Do they love them or avoid them at all costs?

6. If your OC were to go trick-or-treating, who would they go with?

7. Has your OC ever encountered a real ghost, monster, or other supernatural entity during Halloween? What happened?

8. Describe a memorable Halloween adventure or misadventure that your OC has had in the past.

9. Is your OC the type to play pranks on Halloween night, or do they prefer a more peaceful approach to the holiday?

10. How would your OC react if Halloween forever been cancelled?

11. Does your OC believe in the existence of creatures like witches, vampires, or werewolves? Why or why not?

12. How does your OC feel about carving pumpkins? Do they enjoy the process or do they find it messy and tedious?

13. If your OC were to create a spell for a Halloween potion, what kind of magical effects would it have?

14. Has your OC ever attended a Halloween masquerade ball? If so, what kind of costume did they wear and how did they feel about the event?

15. What kind of supernatural abilities or powers does your OC possess, and how do they utilize them during the Halloween season?

16. How was your OC first Halloween like? And if they didn’t celebrate it in the past as a kid, tell us why?

17. Dose your OC like the month of October?

18. What type of person your OC is during Halloween?

19. How likely that your OC would befriend Jack Skellington?

20. Would your OC be the type to older a pumpkin spice latte from Starbucks just because is October even tho they may not like it?

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[ladysternchen]

Headcanon explained/character study- Elu Thingol, part 7

Long time no see. To my defence, these headcanon explained:s become a true headache of mine. I totally lost the thread and more than once just wanted to abandon them, or rewrite them into a more readable fashion. But that’s not what I do. I keep going and keep making it worse lol

And also, Elu is and will ever be my heart-elf (lol, if there’s heart-horses, there got to be heart-elves, right?) and clearly needs the support within fandom just now. So in this episode, we go back to another rather important relationship in Elu’s life, and that’s the Dwarves, and we’ll also touch a little more on the Years of the Trees in Beleriand, of which Tolkien sadly tells us nothing, except that the Sindar lived in undisturbed bliss for the most part.

(Um, undisturbed, but apparently disturbing others- namely Pettydwarves. Now, that is a very sketchy topic and it is impossible to tell from canon what exactly happened there, and especially for this headcanon-series, what Elu might or might not have had to do with it. We do know the Sindar hunted them. We also know that upon realising what they had truly done, they left them in peace. But then again, it was Elu himself who suggested the caves by the banks of Narog to Finrod as a possible location for his city. Did he know that some of the Pettydwarves still lived there and simply did not care? Did he not know? Apparently, the Dwarves of Nogrod and Belegost did not mind it at all IF they knew, and we are also told that the Pettydwarves themselves hated the Noldor more than the Sindar, and in return were ousted by the other dwarven tribes. 

As I said it is a super sketchy thing: I personally, with the eyes of a reader and writer talking about their favourite character, would think that Elu most certainly would not have agreed with the killing of the Pettydwarves. Simply because Melian would surely not have supported this, and whatever fanon makes of their relationship, he DID work together with his queen. 

As for Nargothrond… I honestly don’t know. Maybe he just didn’t know because he was not at all concerned with the Pettydwarves apart from telling his people to let them be, maybe he thought that if the Dwarves of the Blue Mountains were not concerned with soon-to-be-Nargothrond being the Pettydwarves��� domain, the Elves need not be, either, maybe he didn’t care, I don’t know. I think the most disturbing fact about that dwarven folk is the hatred they apparently get from their own people. That is just weird and makes so little sense. Anyway, on with the story.)

Ok, let’s start again. Tolkien tells us very very little about the blissful years of the Sindar, and we can let our imagination roam freely.

Elu could truly not have lived in greater bliss in Aman than he did in Beleriand during the long years of peace. It was almost possible, sometimes, to forget that he was indeed king, with his court being more friends than subjects and all those who lived further away only seldom seeking him out. The only grief in his heart remained the sea, for which he longed, but that he would hardly ever visit. Círdan often sought him out in the woods of Beleriand, but Elu in return could not bear the sound of the waves without a desperate longing gripping him- for Aman, for Finwë, for Olwë.

For Círdan, the sea was a -the- connection to his sundered kin, for Elu it was a constant remainder of whom he had abandoned. And then guilt would stir within him as well, for he had made his choice, and would make it over and over again. But that he would always choose Melian and Lúthien over everything else did not make him miss those who had gone on any less. 

It was almost like being stirred out of a happy dream when the Dwarves first arrived. 

(Now, I think it is worth noting here that the relationship between the Sindar and the Dwarves from the Blue Mountains were about as good as relationships between two so fundamentally different peoples can be. Remember, unlike with the Noldor, the Dwarves had very little to nothing in common with the Sindar, who were dancers and singers and loved both the sea and the trees- something the Dwarves were not particularly partial to. That they didn’t find each other very appealing was the design of Ilúvatar himself (‘no great love shall there be’), but they got along fine, apart from the name-calling (that we know occurred on part of the Sindar- Naugrim meaning the ‘stunted people’, but rather likely happened on the other side as well). And both benefited hugely from their relationship, the Sindar because the dwarves built them their city and wrought them their armours and weapons, and the Dwarves because they acquired both knowledge and treasures they would otherwise not have got. Even after the Noldor came to Beleriand, with whom the Dwarves got on much better than with the Sindar, they maintained their ties with Doriath and were allowed to pass freely in and out of the realm- with ultimate  consequences, as we all know. Anyway, on with the headcanon)

Elu did not like the Dwarves much in the beginning, but was courteous towards them all the same, and respected them, and was grateful for the invaluable knowledge they passed onto his people. Yet they carried news he would rather not have had, of evil stirring again beyond the Blue Mountains, evil that would inevitably creep into Beleriand was well, sooner or later. Melian only reinforced that dread with her foreseeing the coming war, and so they decided that they needed a stronghold, somewhere they could retreat to. But even though the Dwarves did build Menegroth unlikeness of their own fortresses, it was not them who knew of those caves- no, it was Elu himself who showed them. He had known the hill by the banks of Esgalduin and the caves it hid in its heart ever since that fateful day he had last said goodbye to Finwë. They had slunk away from the camp of the Noldor that day, enjoying only each other’s company as they had done so many times before. And then Finwë had told him of a noise he had heard a couple of times in these woods, and naturally, they had had to go and investigate. And there on the hilltop they found a small fissure and squeezed through it, only to find themselves in a cave. And then they had heard the wind, and realised that it must be an entire system of caves that was connected, and that the wind played as if it were a flute. 

So when the dwarves explained how they would build a city that could be a stronghold to the Eglath, Elu showed them the caves with mingled joy and grief. It was a way to honour Finwë, and be close to him in thought, though only a handful of people ever knew this.

The delving of Menegroth tightened the bond between the Eglath and the Dwarves of Belegost and Nogrod, to whom Elu would from now on turn in deep trust, be it where the making of weapons was concerned or the gathering of knowledge about the enemy’s movements. Especially to Gamil Zirak and his disciple Telchar became friends to him, and they wrought him both his shield and armour and also his sword (I’ve talked about the naming of Aranrúth in these headcanons already, and will do so again a bit later). But they also were his first contact with the finitude of mortal life, and with a grief that lacked the hope of a reunion. He feared this grief, and it may well be that this fear was part of the reason why after Telchar and Gamil, he became more emotionally distanced to the Dwarves, deciding that it did neither of them any good to bond too closely. The Dwarves later friendship with the Noldor only furthered this distance, though Elu still very much valued the Dwarves and their works. He viewed them as allies and people whom he could trust to bring his designs to life, and that did not change until his final moments. The Dwarves might have seen the end coming from the beginning of the Nauglamir business, but Elu did not. For him, it was simple- he commissioned them to join two of his possessions, and they would do so and get paid for their work. For the Dwarves, it was more. For one, they did not like the idea of treasures made by their hands passing from elf to elf, and only grudgingly saw the Nauglamir in Elu’s possession. (Ok, pause here for a moment. I know that fanon likes to see the Dwarves as the rightful owners of the Nauglamir and the Elves the thieves of their artwork- but that really doesn’t hold imo. Yes, we are talking here about different justice-systems, different laws and a different understanding of ownership. That’s fine, and I do not want to place the Elvish take on the matter above that of the Dwarves just because the Elvish one is closer to our own. BUT (!) The Dwarves of Nogrod had had trading relations for a thousand years before they set out to work on the Nauglamir. They knew the laws of the Sindar very well, and when agreeing to the commission agreed on the terms, like they had done countless times before. Also, they were IN an elvish realm, not dragged there, but by their own design. They agreed in the full understanding that they would never get the treasures they were asked to join. So no, as much as I see his death to be Elu’s lowest moment, it was still murder plotted by the dwarves. They wanted both the Nauglamir and the Silmaril. He always sat with them alone. They knew precisely what they were doing).

And again, the Silmaril. I will talk about Elu’s death in more detail later on in the series and really concentrate on the dwarves here. Maybe he guessed how it might end, or feared it, so that their claim made him all the angrier. Keeping his temper when under pressure was never one of his strength, and in that moment boiled over. He insulted them, and worse, practically threw them out without payment for a work they had done already. And that no dwarf would take. I mean, as I said before, they would have killed him anyway, because there was no other way for them to get what they wanted, but he made sure to go in the most undignified way possible, thus starting a strife between the Sindar and the Dwarves that would last for Ages. He did rue is actions, once death had cooled his anger rather effectively. It was not something he had to learn in the Halls of Mandos, it was something he knew and regretted straight away, and he cursed himself and his loose tongue and the fact that he could not have kept his mouth shut. Don’t get me wrong, he was still furious at the smiths, but he had insulted Dwarves in general, and that he really hadn’t wanted, not after all that they had done for him. Naturally, he could never amend for the insults, nor what has come of it, but it gave him a deep peace of mind when he heard about Legolas and Gimli many millennia later. 

(Yes, this is only headcanon. We do not have proof in canon that he ever rued his words. But given that he insulted Beren -and the entire race of Men alongside him- in quite a similar way and later completely turned around, it is quite fair to suggest he did the same with the Dwarves as well)

[lin-nin]

Tribulation & Tenderness - Chapter 7

Ship: Main Technoblade x Reader, some Dream x Reader

Plot:  You're a princess in a Kingdom suffering a years long famine. In a   desperate attempt to help your people, you accept one simple offer:   Marriage to the crown prince of a neighboring kingdom. Anything to help your people survive. Surely it can't be too bad, can it?

Chapter List: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 Disclaimer:   Cross-posted on Wattpad (discontinued) and Ao3. This is based off of everyone's CHARACTERS. I do not write fanfic based off the actual people.

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Chapter 7: Unmasked < | Previous Chapter

The next morning had rolled around far too quickly for your liking. Part of you ached to just stay curled up in your bed, where there wasn’t some wild unknown waiting for you. Where there was something familiar. All you would have beyond yourself that was familiar was Techno. Who wasn’t all that familiar, truth be told. Definitely not a complete stranger, but not much better.

You practically drug your feet as you got out of bed, staring longingly at your surroundings. Would you ever return to this room? Maybe if you were visiting, but this wasn’t your room anymore. It left you feeling almost hollow. Reluctancy plagued your every movement, even as you dressed. Your dagger fell comfortably against your hip once more as you tightened the belt around your waist. It was still unfamiliar, but not unwelcome. It was something safe. You needed that right now.

All too soon, your melancholic peace was interrupted by a few of the servants bustling in to collect your belongings. You softly told them to ensure that the blanket would be in the carriage with you during the ride, so it could be accessed. Another little comfort for you. Who knew how awkward the trip would be. You knew good and well you weren’t good at holding a conversation with Techno.

You had slipped out of the room, head swimming in various thoughts and scenarios. Despite Techno’s reassurances the other day that you would manage fine, and his kingdom wasn’t bad, you had your doubts. Your own fears. 

“Don’t look so down,” George’s voice called from beside you, making your head snap up. What was with people sneaking up on you first thing in the morning? You sighed, rolling your shoulders a little.

“It’s hard not to. It’s exciting, but at the same time it’s terrifying. I’m leaving everything and everyone that I know and love.” You gazed in front of you, as if trying to memorize every brick that lined the walls. How different would your new home be from your old one?

“I think you’ll be just fine. I’m sure there’s plenty of friends to make there.” George was trying his best to reassure you, and you could only offer a weak smile. You hoped he was right. Perhaps there were friends to be made in Techno’s brothers. You wouldn’t truly know until you met them, though.

“Hopefully,” You murmured. You took a deep breath as you walked into the dining hall with your brother, settling into your usual spot. For the last time. These thoughts were extremely frustrating, but there wasn’t more to be done about them. They wouldn’t be soothed. They were likely normal, but that made it hard to keep them tamped down.

Breakfast was simultaneously slow and far too fast. You were swamped with thoughts the whole time, hardly responding to anyone. It was a struggle on how to feel. You exchanged a couple greetings with Dream and Techno, but neither seemed to push you for more conversation. Which was greatly appreciated. Even as you slid out of your seat, you felt almost despondent. 

You stood on the steps of the castle, staring at the carriages that awaited you. The carriage that would take you away from home. Even though you were technically going to a new home, it hardly felt like that. Truthfully, nothing could have prepared you for the emotions that came with something like this.

“Are you ready?” Techno’s voice rang beside you, and you nodded numbly. He nodded slightly, moving towards one of the carriages to climb inside, the door propped open. You stepped down the stairs, glancing over your shoulder. Dream and George were just behind you, with the latter offering a soft and encouraging smile.

“You’ll be fine, just don’t forget to write to me,” George said. Always reminding you to not forget. You nodded, letting him hug you just as he did last night.

“Make sure you take good care of our kingdom, okay?” You murmured. You knew this wasn’t a goodbye forever, but it felt like it would be a long while before you saw him again. You weren’t even sure when the wedding would be, but you knew he would be there.

“Always. They’ll be calmer without you causing problems all the time.” He gave your hair an affectionate ruffle as he stepped away. Dream didn’t waste his time in stepping in next. He wrapped you up in a bone-crushingly tight hug, chin resting atop your head.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” He murmured quietly, voice low. You sighed, clinging onto him just a little.

“I have to, Dream. You know that,” You whispered, eyes closed. When would the next time be that you got to hug him like this? 

“I know, but I can still hope. I really don’t want you to leave. I’d do anything if it would change your mind and get you to stay.” You breathed a soft laugh, head shaking.

“If only it were that easy. You’ll see me again. It just won’t be daily.” You began to peel yourself away from him, glancing up at his face. He seemed so conflicted and upset, brow furrowed. One hand cradled your cheek for a few moments, thumb brushing your cheekbone.

“Just take care of yourself. This isn’t the end of all of this,” he reassured. You nodded and smiled, leaning briefly into his hand before it fell to his side. With that out of the way, you finally stepped back, taking a few moments to watch the two of them before turning to retreat to your carriage. 

Techno stood from where he had been sitting inside of it, holding out a hand to help hoist you up. You took it, grasping the frame of the door as you stepped up into the carriage. As you did, he looked behind you with narrowed eyes. You followed the gaze as you moved to settle into your seat. Dream was at the other end of it, returning the stare with an almost venomous glare. What was their problem? They’d been this way the entire time.

Techno closed the door to the carriage and sat down across from you, leaving you to sigh. You could still peer out of the window, though you didn’t particularly care to right now. It’d only worsen your mood, probably.

“I was beginning to wonder if you only wore dresses,” Techno finally broke the silence, causing your focus to shift from your thoughts to him instead. You glanced towards your attire, completely forgetting you had forgone a dress for today. You didn’t like traveling in them, and there was no telling how long the trip would take. It had been in your best interest to wear the pants.

“Of course. I just don’t often do things that warrant me needing to wear pants.” You shrugged a little bit. You settled back against the cushions, making a face as the carriage lurched. You rarely did travel like this, so it would definitely be interesting. Or potentially very boring.

“You were really restricted here, weren’t you? You’ll have more opportunity to wear them here. Far more convenient and useful than a dress.” You raised an eyebrow at him. Was he really criticizing you on how convenient your fashion was?

“Are you really one to criticize fashion? You walk around wearing a boar skull that you can hardly see out of.” You fired back. A huff of laughter escaped him at that, hand lifting to close the curtains to the windows.

“I don’t normally wear it. Only in foreign lands or for extremely ceremonial proceedings,” He began nonchalantly. He reached up behind his head, fiddling for a few moments with something.

“You really don’t have to-” You had begun to object, though he only laughed.

“You’re gonna be seeing me without it sooner or later. Might as well start now. Besides, it isn’t exactly comfortable.” Carefully, he pulled the skull away from his face and you couldn’t help the interest coursing through you as his face was finally revealed. There was a lot to take in, and you weren’t exactly sure where to focus first. The three jagged scars on the right side of his jaw were much easier to see now, stopping at about the middle of his cheek. The bridge of his nose had a second scar across it, heading towards his eyebrow. This one looked much cleaner. Like it was done by a sword, whereas the others appeared to be done by an animal. Those were the most distinguishing things you could see, though there were hints of bags under his eyes. Beyond that, he was normal. Attractive, but normal.

“What happened?” You murmured curiously, unable to stop yourself. It was a touch easier to read his expressions now, and you were honestly glad for that. He seemed to contemplate the question for a few moments, settling the skull beside him.

“These were from a hunting accident as a child. They’re from the same boar whose skull I wear,” he explained, fingers tapping at the jagged lines along his jaw. You couldn't help but grimace a little.

"Have you been wearing it since then?" You nodded towards the skull, and he laughed again. An actual laugh- not the muted huff that was barely audible.

"No, I didn't start wearing it until a couple years ago. For a while it was just a… revenge trophy, of sorts. This one here," he motioned towards his nose, "Is from a duel with Wilbur." You could only blink. That one looked newer, so you can only imagine it had taken place in perhaps the last 5 years. Wilbur was that brother of his, wasn't he?

"You fight your brothers?" You were full of so many different questions. There was a lot to be answered, though. With every little detail he revealed, it brought about a new perplexity to him.

"Not on a normal basis, and not usually aggressive. We'll spar every now and then, but this was a one time thing." He didn't elaborate further for several moments, as if trying to figure out how to word what he wanted to say. What had called for an actual duel between them? "Tradition has it that if two princes have strife between them on who should be next in line for the throne, they duel. The duel runs until either one dies or concedes."

You stared at him, struggling to wrap your head around the concept. "Would you… would you have killed him?" You managed out. The question made him sigh, brows furrowing as he looked to the side.

"I don't know. I didn't want to kill him, no. He conceded before we could figure out the answer, though. I'm thankful he did, though." His voice was soft, but tinged with the faintest traces of affection. Okay, he wasn't as terrifying as he had briefly seemed. He at least cared for his family. You could deal with that.

"Being king one day was important to you, then?" You arched an eyebrow. The idea of being Queen had never crossed your mind. It had never been a plan, or a possibility. Not until recently, at least. Before that you had been just content to live your life, however it was thrown at you. Life had some strange workings, though. You were quickly discovering that.

"Yes. It felt like the natural path for me." He shrugged as he spoke and you simply nodded. Silence stretched in the carriage for an amount of time, though it was hardly uncomfortable. Every now and then you glanced towards Techno’s face, still trying to adjust to the lack of skull. Without it there, it was much easier to peer at the various gold studs and chains adorning his ears. He really didn't hold back on how ostentatious he was.

"I thought you weren't allowed to have weapons? At least not where Dream was concerned." You slid your gaze to his, where he nodded towards the dagger on your hip. You had nearly forgotten it was there.

"He doesn't want me to have any. It was a gift from the smith, he couldn't deny me it." You ran your fingers over the designs on the grip, carefully tracing one of the flowers.

"Can I see it?" He leaned forwards, elbows propping onto his knees. You pulled it from its sheath, carefully giving it to him. He held it in his hands, staring at it for a few moments. He shifted it closer and further from his face a few time until a huff escaped him. He sat it beside him, reaching for a pouch against his belt. You blinked a little as he pulled out a rather delicate pair of golden glasses.

He… had to wear glasses? Yet he still wore a stupid skull that prevented him from wearing them? Sacrificing his sight for looks. How ridiculous. You watched him settle them onto his nose, picking up the dagger once more.

"It's well made," he started and flipped it over. He pressed a finger to the tip to test the sharpness, though pulled it back before you could protest to the action. "Sharp, well balanced. Very ornamental but functional. I think its a fitting first weapon for you." He praised the knife, moving the pricked finger to his mouth. The other hand held it out towards you to take back and sheath. Which you did rather carefully. The last thing you wanted was to hurt either of you.

"You'll teach me to use it?" You questioned, trying to squash the excitement in your voice.

"They're pretty straightforward, but yes." A smile curved his lips, finger leaving his mouth. Excitement sparkled in your eyes, and it took a lot to not give a victorious little squeal. You had at least won some small battle.

---

George focal point

George stood beside Dream for several moments, watching the carriages holding his sister pull off. It was a bittersweet moment, truthfully, but he was happy for her. He had full reason to believe she would be happy there. She would flourish like she was meant to, in ways she had never truly been allowed to here. Not when she was in the presence of Dream, who was ever protective of her.

Speaking of the blonde, he turned to look at him, curiosity in his gaze. "Did you ever tell her?" He questioned, making the younger turn his attention to him instead of where his sister had disappeared.

He was silent for several heartbeats, lips pursed. "No." The words were plain, and flat. It caused George to sigh, rubbing his cheek in frustration.

"Are you okay with that? Her not knowing?"

"I have to be, don't I? Next time I see her she'll be getting married." He was bitter. So bitter, yet he had done it to himself. He had no one to blame, except for himself. Not that George dared to tell him this.

"You can always tell her, if it makes you feel better. It won't change anything, but it might save you. She doesn't catch onto hints, Dream." He turned, walking back towards the castle. He didn't need to look back to know Dream was following. He always did when he was the only option he had.

"How would it make me feel better? How would anything make me feel better?" 

"Don't be so dramatic, Dream. You know getting it out in the open will help. You'll be able to move on." Even now, George couldn't help but find the irony of Dream’s reluctance to say anything flat out, even if the only company he had was him and he already knew.

"I don't need to move on. She might have to come back." Stubborn ass. George shook his head with a sigh.

"Suit yourself. I won't force your words out. I can only recommend it." Forcing Dream to admit what they had both known for years wouldn't accomplish anything. It would only upset him, and he was too volatile currently to upset.

Next Chapter | >

[hlizr50]

Update: The Raven and the Songbird

Chapter 7

Cassian provides comic relief.

And Gwyn and Az spar for the first time since... everything.

Read on AO3

“Well today was interesting.” Nesta raised a brow. Gwyn chose to play dumb.

“I’m sure I don’t know what you’re talking about.” She shrugged. Her head wasn’t really there, she knew, and her friend could have seen it from miles away.

“Gwyneth Berdara!” Nesta huffed, crossing her arms. “I held you last night as you cried over the shadowsinger and today you can’t stop ogling each other and grinning like fools. What. Happened?” Gwyn smiled sincerely, leaning in to kiss her sister on the cheek.

“I love you, and I will forever be grateful that you are by my side. And that you stalked straight into that study and gave him hell,” the priestess laughed. “We talked last night. I found him in the training ring.”

Gwyn and Nesta sat on the sofa in the library, legs tucked beneath them. Training had ended and hour before and Nesta had practically dragged the redhead inside after being caught in the middle of one-too-many sidelong glances between the priestess and the shadowsinger. Nesta’s ice-gray stare bore into her through narrowed eyes.

“So what? You’re miserable for three weeks and he says he’s sorry and magically everything is fine? I’m disappointed, Berdara.” Nesta scowled. “I wanted you to at least make him squirm a little.”

Gwyn’s head rocked back as she laughed, likely the most genuine mirth she’d experienced in weeks. “Don’t worry, dear Valkyrie. He’s not off the hook yet.” She felt her nose crinkle as her friend’s eyebrows lifted again, this time in surprise.

“Explain, Gwyneth,” she commanded.

“Well,” Gwyn paused, contemplating how to keep the story succinct. “I made him explain himself, and he walked me through his past. He said he wouldn’t blame me if I couldn’t forgive him, but that he cares for me… as more than a friend. And I told him I felt the same.” Her heart swelled just as it had the night before, a quiet confession she hadn’t been sure she ever wanted to hear. Not unless it was from Azriel.

“WHAT?!” Nesta shot to her feet and began pacing excitedly in front of the fireplace with her hands covering her mouth. Then she stopped, turning to Gwyn and leaning on the plush armrest. “So are you an item now?”

“No.” Gwyn’s smile was smug as her friend groaned dramatically and collapsed playfully over the sofa arm. “Not yet, at least.” Nesta lifted her head.

“Oh?”

“I told him that things would go back to how they were before this necklace debacle. That’s how our relationship developed in the first place.” She absentmindedly fingered the pendant as she spoke. “He has to prove to me that he won’t fall into this cycle of guilt and self-loathing and deciding for me what I want or deserve. And once I can trust that he won’t push me away like that we’ll find out what’s next.”

“Darling priestess, I’m impressed!” Nesta pushed herself back upright, leaning once again on the couch. “What did he say?”

Gwyn felt the heat in her cheeks as she recalled the roughness of his declaration, his voice unlike any other time she’d heard him speak.

“He swore to me that he would.”

“He swore? Cauldron, Gwyn, you have him wrapped around your finger already!”

“And then I hugged him.”

Nesta’s lips quirked up on one side and she tilted her head. Gwyn wasn’t sure what to make of that reaction, like she was being studied. “And what did he do then?”

“What else does a person do when you hug them?” The priestess giggled. “He put his arms around me and hugged back.” She conveniently forgot to mention that he’d seemed to breathe her in after that. That it had felt like he was trying to pull her so far into him that she wouldn’t be able to pull away. It had been the most incredible feeling.

Gwyn looked to her friend but found a narrowed gray gaze and flaring nostrils.

“CASSIAN!”

The priestess squeaked as she launched herself to the opposite side of the couch, desperate to quiet her sister’s call. She balanced a knee precariously on the armrest, slapping a hand over Nesta’s mouth.

“Nesta Archeron,” she hissed. “What in the Mother’s name!”

“CASSIAN! Library! NOW!” Nesta held Gwyn’s wrists in her hands, lips curled in amusement. The redhead struggled to quiet her, a string of obscenities rolling from her lips. “Berdara, such language! Hardly becoming of a priestess!”

Said priestess pushed off the sofa arm and pulled Nesta down to the ground, pinning the eldest Archeron on her back between her legs. Her victorious smirk fell when she looked up to find the Illyrian general staring down at them, arms crossed over his broad chest and eyes twinkling with mischief.

“I’m going to kill you, Archeron,” Gwyn growled before flashing a bright smile at Cassian. “Hello, General.”

“I’m not sure what’s happening here. I don’t know if I should be concerned, jealous, or aroused.” Cassian’s grin widened as the priestess scowled, even as she felt the blush burning her cheeks.

“You’re a pig,” his mate muttered before pushing her captor in the stomach. “Get off me, Berdara. We have things to discuss.”

“I don’t see how your mate belongs in this discussion,” Gwyn retorted, but rose to her feet and offered a hand to the other Valkyrie. Nesta got up and they helped dust each other off. She lifted an eyebrow at the copper-haired priestess, her smirk creating a coil of suspicion in Gwyn’s stomach.

“Cassian,” Nesta cooed before turning to face him. “Apparently our dear priestess and the shadowsinger shared an embrace last night.”

“Is that so?” Gwyn pressed her hands to her face, trying to douse the fire that was blazing in her cheeks as the Illyrian fixed her with an unyielding amber stare.

“It is. I’m guessing you didn’t know?” Cassian’s gaze moved to his mate.

“You think Az would tell me something like that?” He laughed, sending Gwyn a wink that only ignited her face further. She groaned and collapsed onto the fluffy cushions of the couch, desperate for this conversation to end.

“He’s your closest friend, isn’t he? I tell my best friend everything.” Gwyn peeked out from between her fingers in time to see Nesta fix a pointed glare on her. “Although, it seems my best friend may be wary to do the same.”

“Nes, Azriel doesn’t tell me anything about his love life. He knows I’ll immediately use it to make his life miserable.”

“Gods, Cassian, please don’t,” Gwyn pleaded, planting her hands on either side of her thighs. The Illyrian plopped onto the couch next to her and shot her a boyish grin.

“I make no promises, little Valkyrie.”

She took in his hulking form as she shook her head at him, a smile creeping onto her lips. Cassian was the personification of strength and power, with confidence that toed the fine line into arrogance. With those rippling muscles that were never truly hidden – no matter how loose a shirt he wore – it was any wonder he didn’t have females hanging from those thick biceps at every moment. But she imagined Nesta would put an end to anything of the sort quickly and in the most terrifying way. Gwyn had always been somewhat surprised that the general hadn’t absolutely terrified her, but she had been remarkably intimidated – his reputation, his swagger, his skill. There was a time not-so-long ago when she couldn’t have imagined feeling so self-assured. Even now she was sure she’d never quite make it to Cassian’s level of easy confidence, but she had come so far from that soft-spoken, timid nymph in the library.

“I don’t even know why I asked.” Gwyn rolled her eyes and flopped back against the velvet tufts and buttons of the well-worn couch.

“Aw, now don’t be like that, Gwynnie,” the general pouted and leaned toward her. She crossed her arms and grimaced, freckled nose scrunching at the nickname. “I promise I’ll try to be good. But that’s all I can promise.”

“He just can’t help himself,” Nesta mused.

“Well I appreciate your effort, I suppose. Since it will be so difficult for you.”

“Anything for you, little Valkyrie.” The general tapped a finger on the tip of Gwyn’s nose and guffawed at her glare. Apparently she wasn’t as intimidating as she’d hoped. But she saw Cassian’s eyes soften, amber gaze shining in the afternoon sunlight through the large windows. “I’m glad you were able to talk to him. Nes had us worried last night.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to ruin your boys’ night. I never would’ve asked her to –“

“Don’t be sorry. I’m not.” The honey-haired Valkyrie crossed in front of Gwyn and placed herself on her mate’s lap, looping her arms around his neck. Gwyn’s heart squeezed at the casual display, the intimacy of it. It wasn’t a big deal for the couple before her, but… was that something she could have? Something she could do? Would Azriel want that – closed-off and guarded as he always seemed to be? Smiling and laughing was one thing, but public displays of affection? “Shit got done thanks to me. And if that’s what it took to get him to stop being a fucking imbecile then I will never apologize.”

“I think things are on the right track now.” Gwyn smiled, though she kept her gaze focused on the whorls of dark wood grain in the coffee table. “Hopefully.”

~~~

Two Days Later

Azriel’s shadows wafted like smoke around him, an indication of a peace that was beginning to bloom inside him. Although he had awoken in the middle of the night, it wasn’t his typical darkness and demons that chased him out of bed. He closed his eyes and grinned, feeling the familiar weight of Truthteller in his grasp. Maybe his body was simply accustomed to waking up in the middle of the night, now, and it would take months – or years – of relatively peaceful sleep to change that.

The shadowsinger inhaled deeply, letting his body feel everything around him – the cool night air caressing his wings, the soft glow of the moon brightening the backs of his eyelids, the grounding presence of solid stone as he pushed his weight down through his booted feet and into the packed dirt of the ring. Then he lifted his foot and began the dance, a more elaborate form of the eight-pointed star that he had developed centuries ago, mixing intricate close-proximity blade work with feinting, defense, and hand-to-hand. Every flick of the wrist was carefully choreographed in time with a metronome of inhales and exhales, every shift in weight a perfect harmony accompanying the melody of blade and fist slicing the air.

This, he understood, was one of the most feared males in all of Prythian. Every step, every breath calm and calculated – the result of ruthless research and perfect practice. The Spymaster understood that physical strength and prowess were absolutely important, but the ability to predict and bend and break an enemy hinged on one’s ability to intimately understand every part of the mind inside the body. To so deeply know those who would do harm to his Court, his family, was to be them and see their chosen path, ideally before they even chose it.

And so the dance continued.

Azriel felt the skin of his bare chest and back tighten, pebbling as the breeze and the curling shadows wicked the perspiration from his tanned flesh. He loved this feeling, the quiet and cold of the night a safe haven against prying eyes. They were always on him. He felt them as intensely as if they were the brush of fingers on his skin – lustful longing glances, morbid curiosity over his scarred body and ruined hands, abject and wide-eyed terror at the Spymaster in the flesh. Sometimes his shadows helped hide him, and sometimes he loosened their leash, allowing the inky tendrils to writhe and pulse in his wake, reminding the world just what he was.

Darkness. Malice. Death. The vilified and reviled Court of Nightmares personified in the heart of the beauty of the city of starlight.

So many times he had resigned to himself that he should take residence there, in the Hewn City. Too many times he had been tempted to shut himself off from the love and light of his family and his court and let the shadows consume him. He was endlessly grateful to those who had reached out their hands and walked him back from that ledge – a cliff hanging over the raging black waters of sorrow, brokenness, anger, and fear. Cassian and Rhys. Mor. Feyre.

Gwyn.

Even in the solitude of his midnight practice he could feel the burn of her ocean-deep eyes and scent the hint of rain and water lilies –

Azriel’s eyes snapped open and he spun the quarter turn he knew would leave him facing the doorway. There he found the priestess, clad in those leathers that didn’t hide an inch of her, Cauldron damn him. She leaned against the frame with crossed arms and graced him with a soft smile. He could feel his shadows curl under her thoughtful gaze and he cursed them for once again not alerting him to her presence. It took him but a breath to take in the sight of her, not wanting to ogle her so obviously – a crass male instinct he worked desperately to beat into submission. Gwyn seemed to glow in the night, but while her smooth porcelain skin shone in the moonlight and her straight hair was a fire burning against it, he was captivated always by the teal depths of her impossibly expressive eyes. The emotions he had seen there had nearly brought him to his knees more times than he cared to admit.

“Please, Shadowsinger, don’t stop on my account.” She waved those graceful fingers in his direction, urging him on.

“And give you a free show? I don’t think so.” The sound of her full-bodied laugh may have been the most glorious thing he had ever heard, the sincerity of it something he’d taken for granted. The shadows over his shoulders seemed to vibrate in time with her mirth.

“And what of all I saw before you even realized I was here?”

“A free preview, of course.” He let his lips quirk into a wry smile. “To tempt you.” Gwyn snorted – Mother above she snorted at him. And when she only lifted a skeptical eyebrow at him, he continued.

“Spar with me. If you win I’ll let you watch.”

“You must think mighty highly of yourself if my beating you in a fight would win only the opportunity to watch you train the eight-pointed star, beautiful and elaborate as it may be.” Azriel knew his face was tinged with heat – beautiful – and could only hope the night was dark enough that the priestess couldn’t see. He knew his traitorous shadows would be no help. They seemed to revel in his vulnerability with her, always drifting in her direction and refusing to shield him in any capacity. Not from Gwyn. And while she was clearly unimpressed she pushed away from the wall and strode toward him. Her hair fell over her shoulders and he wondered for a moment why she hadn’t tied it back.

“What brings you here, then, priestess? If not to spar, or to watch?” Azriel knew that her trips to the training ring were borne of sleepless nights, demons and nightmares he had not been able to save her from. But he also knew how she abhorred pity, bristling against it much like he did – a gleaming mirror to his shadowed soul. The spymaster shuddered and took a cautious step toward her as she stopped an arm’s length before him. Her eyes had never left his, and he couldn’t see the exhaustion and pain that had shimmered there only days before. But he still had to ask.

“Are you still having that nightmare, Gwyn?” He knew he didn’t need to explain further, knew that she would understand his ask. He flared his wings, trying to ease the tension between his shoulders that had lodged there as he recalled the wrenching shame of the night he’d been made aware of the full extent of her suffering, the consequence of his stupidity.

Her straight copper hair swished around her face as she shook her head. Azriel felt the unimaginable weight lifting from him as the corners of Gwyn’s mouth ticked up in a gentle smile. A shadow broke away and twirled through a loose tendril that had fallen over her cheek, as if boasting to its master that it could caress her skin and he could not. Azriel’s throat bobbed as he made to speak, but the Valkyrie beat him to it.

“Are we sparring or not, Shadowsinger?” Gwyn stepped away from him, giving herself space to execute a few quick stretches. “If you are to be believed, my viewing pleasure hangs in the balance.”

The spymaster rolled his eyes. He wouldn’t live that down for awhile. He kept silent as he centered himself, rolling his neck and shoulders as he waited for the priestess to take her fighting stance. She deftly wove her hair into an easy plait and tied the end with her ever-present white ribbon.

“Do you just keep a ribbon on you at all times?” Azriel teased.

“I’m always prepared, Shadowsinger.” Gwyn’s eyes narrowed as she answered matter-of-factly. “It’s practically my signature now.” And although the Illyrian chuckled and shook his head, he was inwardly marveling at how she could be so strong and bold and brave and yet still be… adorable.

As Gwyn lowered her hands to her sides, she took a breath. Azriel watched, transfixed, as she seemed to transform in the pale blues and grays of the moonlight upon the stone. Her eyes fluttered shut and she squared her shoulders, breathing in with a patient and measured ease.

In.

Out.

In.

Out.

In.

Out.

Azriel could feel the air around them as it seemed to still along with the redhead – no longer the playful young priestess, but a warrior preparing for battle. He bent his knees and shifted his weight, preparing for what would face him when she opened her eyes. Even his shadows hung frozen over his shoulders, paralyzed in anticipation.

The Valkyrie didn’t give him time to admire how her incredible eyes had become dark and infinite with determination and deadly calm. She struck immediately.

The shadowsinger was taken aback for the briefest moment, but of course he knew that was what she had intended. Often when they sparred it began measured and slow. They knew each other too well, understood their strategies, strengths, and tells. So many times they would simply circle for what seemed like hours, silently daring the other to make the first move. Or relentlessly goading each other until one of them reacted.

Gwyn immediately jumping on the offensive was unusual, and he kept his eyes keenly focused on her face, her breathing, her movement, in an attempt to divine her plan. He deftly blocked punches and ducked under a kick meant for his face, grinning when he heard the muttered curse under her breath. His grin widened as she moved away from him, chest heaving.

“Winded already, Berdara?” Azriel cocked an amused eyebrow as they circled each other. “How disappointing.”

“My training has suffered a bit these last few weeks,” she retorted, wiping the back of her hand over her brow.

“Oh, I am well aware. I saw Nesta knock you on your ass the other day.” The shadowsinger aimed for that same shoulder, the one she left exposed when she was exhausted, throwing a punch, then a kick, and then another punch. Gwyn managed to dodge the kick but couldn’t fully avoid the second fist. She staggered backward with a grunt.

“I’ve been somewhat preoccupied,” she growled. A pang of guilt struck him, but he didn’t let it show, didn’t let it move him. He knew she hadn’t been training healthily, and he knew it was because of him. But their relationship in the ring was just as much about trust and accountability as it was about supporting each other and fighting their lingering darkness. He would not pity her, and he would not take it easy on her.

“Again, priestess. I am well aware.”

Gwyn’s response was to lash out, sending an uncontrolled punch at his face. Azriel caught her wrist and spun her around, caging her in his arms with her back against his chest. He tried to ignore the feeling of her panting body against his as he angled his head to whisper in her ear.

“Your enemy will not wait until you’re ready to strike. You must always be primed, skills honed and mind settled. Even when stupid males make your life unnecessarily difficult and painful.”

The priestess tried to wriggle out of his grasp, but his arms were strong as stone. But he wasn’t prepared for her to stomp her foot into his instep. She managed to escape his arms, but he kept his grip on her wrist as she whirled to face him. She wound her wrist from his hand and in the same breath he spun and kicked his leg out low, sweeping her feet out from under her. Azriel was upon her as soon as her back hit the ground, thighs straddling her stomach. Her loss of breath made it easy for him to grab her wrists and pin them to her chest.

“You must always take care of yourself, Gwyneth Berdara. Always be at your best. There must never be defeat for you. You will not falter. You will not be taken. Is that clear?” His voice had become thick as his throat tightened, the shadowsinger only just realizing the implications of her deterioration over the previous weeks. What if there had been an attack? What if something had happened? Gwyn would have been in no condition to fight. That was not a prospect he was willing to entertain. “Is that clear, Berdara?”

“Yes.” Gwyn’s answer was barely a whisper between gulping breaths. Pink stained her cheeks, but he couldn’t tell if that was from his fierce command, their compromising position, or the physical exertion. Azriel didn’t immediately release her wrists and instead leaned back onto his heels to stand. As he rose and stepped backwards over her legs he pulled her to her feet.

“You’re out of practice, priestess,” he scolded, chuckling as she scowled and pulled her arms away from him. She strode over to the water table and poured a cup from one of the half-empty pitchers left from training. Azriel had expected a retort, and when she didn’t fling one he took his time to join her, first retrieving his discarded shirt from the other side of the ring. They stood in silence, letting the night breeze cool their skin and steady their breathing. Gwyn’s teal gaze drifted to the city below, a rainbow of twinkling lights in competition with the black starlit sky. The shadowsinger was content to be silently near her, present for whatever support she needed. He took the chance to appreciate her lovely face in profile, the moonlight illuminating the freckles painted across her cheeks.

“There wasn’t any real reason for me to come up here tonight,” Gwyn admitted softly, keeping her eyes focused out into the night. “I just… wanted to see if you would be here. I wanted to spar with you again, finally. Like we used to.”

Azriel took a moment to soak himself in her confession and allowed the guilt to wash over him briefly. That there was even a shred of insecurity inside her, the smallest thought that he wouldn’t be there for her. He would snuff out those thoughts if it took him another five centuries. “I told you I would prove it to you, that I would earn your trust again. It felt… right. Tonight, I mean.” And then that beautiful smile graced her full lips. She still didn’t turn to him, but he knew without seeing how that smile would light up her eyes. His shadows lazily churned, basking in her contentment, and the shadowsinger allowed himself to delight in the golden spark of hope in his chest when his priestess finally answered.

“Yes. It does feel right.”

Tag list: @tealnymph-writes @trashforazriel @secretlovelybeauty @meher-sumedha @imsointobooks @flora-shadowshine @positivewitch @tanvee1231 @imwritingthesewords @camreadsum @vikingmagic33 @shisingh @gwynrielsupremacist @sagureads @katiebellf @deedz-thrillerkilller16 @sv0430 @live-the-fangirl-life

[thatmultifandomhoe]

Knitting You a Home - 9

Pairing: Wolf Hybrid Namjoon and Human Reader

Word Count: 2,557

Genre/Rating: Hybrid AU - Established Relationship - Angst - Fluff - Smut - Rated PG-13

Overview: Things have changed for you and Namjoon. It’s been a year since the two of you got together, and despite a rocky start, it was impossible to deny the bond and love you shared for each other. But ever since Hoseok had been separated from his Mate, Namjoon has been withdrawing himself from you and doesn’t come home until late at night.

With questions far larger than either of you imagined, you can’t help but wonder if he’s let his past and old fears come back to haunt him. You had shown him that it was possible to have a home and be loved once before, but will you be able to do it again?

Warning: A brief implication of drugs - shit’s about to go down in this part - sorry - not sorry.

Music Playlist:

Main Master List:

Knitting You a Home Master List:

Mated Love is Never Easy Series Master List:

Sneak Peak - Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5 - Part 6 - Part 7 - Part 8 - Part 9 - Part 10 - Part 11 - Part 12 - Part 13 - Part 14 - Part 15 - ?

©thatmultifandomhoe 2021. Do not repost, translate, or use my stories without permission.

Namjoon’s chest was heaving as he got off the stage, the strobe lights swirling around the room as the bounced up and down. Whoever decided that having the Underground under a night club was perhaps the smartest person alive.

“Now that’s what I’m talking about!” Jackson shouted, handing Namjoon a towel to wipe away the sweat. “You have them eating out of your hands man.”

Letting himself be led to the lounge area, Namjoon laughed as Jackson continued praising him. His ears felt warm as he ducked his head, taking a moment to focus on drying off and collecting his thoughts, a habit he engaged in since the first time he went up on stage.

The Underground lasted until dawn every night. After that first encounter with Jackson, Namjoon found himself coming to Lotus after work on the nights they had rap battles, and this was his fourth time rapping against someone. Apparently after he told Jackson about wanting to be on stage, the jacked up blond man had self-appointed himself as his own personal manager and by the next night when Namjoon came by, he had a clipboard tossed in his face. Written in black pen was his name on a sign-up sheet. Fourth spot.

There was a part of him that felt guilty for not telling you about this. He was still playing it off as late nights at work, which was partially true. Yoongi and him were still at odds with the artist, the unspeakable song was now a thorn in their sides along with the unwanted girlfriend. She was coming to all the meetings now. Her perfume tainted their workspace to the point that Namjoon had to ask Yoongi if they could share studios for a bit.

But now instead of catching the bus or a ride with Yoongi to go home, he found himself going to Lotus, a flame within burning to get up on the stage again. He had years of material and with it memorized, it was only the nerves he had to shove away before walking up those short steps.

No one had cheered for him when he was announced that first night. The other contender had been new as well, but by the end of their round, the crowd was cheering for Rap Monster even after Jackson led him away for some air.

“Hey man, you feeling okay?” Jackson suddenly asked, the door creaking as he led Namjoon out a side door.

Namjoon lifted his head, breathing in a lungful of the warm summer air. “Yeah,” he said, leaning against the brick wall when the door shut. The loud music was muffled then, giving him the peace that he needed for that moment. The high he got from being up there was, out of this world, but the last thing he wanted was for it to get to his head.

What he wanted, was for you to be there.

To be cheering him on and being the one for him to hug after each round. To breathe in your scent and go on a mental trip to fall where there were crisp apples and nutmeg, all while standing out in the middle of a summer night. You were the one who grounded him, the most important person in the world, all while reminding him that he was living out his dreams.

“Just catching my breath,” Namjoon reassured.

Jackson pointed a finger at him and joined his side against the wall. “Man, I knew I had a good feeling about you since that first night.”

“Are you sure you don’t have any dog DNA in you?” Namjoon asked, still amazed with how much energy Jackson possessed.

The blond just laughed though. “Yeah, I’m sure. There’s just something I don’t get though.” He handed over a water bottle, not without stealing a sip first.

“And what’s that?”

“Why the hell don’t you have an album out if you work for a recording company?” Jackson frowned as he looked at Namjoon. The question had been bothering Jackson since he first learned about where he worked.

However, Namjoon just shrugged, gulping down some of the lukewarm water. “It wasn’t a priority when I first started working there,” he explained, passing the bottle back to Jackson. “Yes, I wrote songs and after I met Angel, the dream of putting out an album finally came back, but I wasn’t ready for anyone to hear it.”

Jackson nodded in understanding, but came to a pause as he thought over something that confused him. “Wait, you saw an Angel? Man, do I need to know something? Maybe start carrying a little something in-case things go sideways?”

Grateful to not have taken a drink, Namjoon grinned. Although, when you entered his life, he swore that angels were suddenly real and walked among everyone on Earth, they were just well hidden. Only revealing themselves to a special few. He knew that considering his life and the things that he’s done, he didn’t deserve you, but he was a selfish bastard and he didn’t want to let you go.

“No, no. You’re fine. Angel is just a nickname for my…”

His voice softened, torn between saying the truth, and what he so longed to say. His wife. That word alone managed to free and strangle him at the same time, because as true as it was, it wasn’t a legal binding marriage. Not for humans at least.

“Your Mate?” Jackson said, figuring that was what he meant.

“Yeah,” he said. “My Mate.”

Pointing at the door, Jackson smiled. “Is she here? What the hell man, why’d you let me take you outside if she’s inside? Shit, I feel bad, we ditched her without a second thought. Look I know a girl who works at this florist shop, she does some amazing work and I can get you a discount if your girl’s upset –”

“Angel’s not here,” Namjoon interrupted, waving his hands to catch his attention. It truly was shocking that the guy wasn’t a hybrid.

Jackson’s eyes widened as his mouth dropped open, the snap-back that he wore sliding down until he shoved it around backwards. “Oh shit, is she sick?”

“No, she just…”

How does he say that you had no idea that he was even here? That if he was being honest, you were probably certain that he was still at work and because you trusted him, hadn’t thought to call Yoongi and ask where he was. Namjoon knew that you listened to rap on occasion, so it wasn’t as if you would outright hate the music.

It was just…no one knew who he was here.

Sure, he was quickly becoming friends with Jackson, but Jackson never knew him before their first meeting. No one knew about his past, or the hybrid that he had been forced to be to survive. They only knew what he told them, and the songs he wrote and performed.

The idea of you not approving, or worse, being disappointed in him, made the hard decision only slightly easier. It was better that you didn’t know. He was already unable to do the one thing he knew you longed for, why add another to that list?

The side door opened, strobe lights brightening the darkness as a group of girls walked outside, their high-pitched laughter hitting Namjoon’s ears in a way that had them flattening against his skull. They served as the distraction that he needed though. One glance at Jackson revealed that his new friend was already grinning, even finger waving, at one of the brunettes.

Namjoon raised an eyebrow, fighting back a smile as he clapped Jackson’s shoulder. “Alright Romeo, I’m calling it a night.”

“Yeah,” Jackson murmured, glancing back at Namjoon. “I’ll see you for the next battle?”

“I’ll be here. Night man.”

“Night.”

Walking around his friend, Namjoon opened the door and glanced backwards, chuckling as Jackson nodded for the girl to join him. Not wanting to get in the way of his friend perhaps meeting the one, he let the door close behind him and headed his way towards the hallway that would lead out of the Underground and the Lotus.

There was certainly a benefit to knowing that for every Hybrid, each one had their own Mate, destined to be their one and only for eternity. There was too much uncertainty with humans, always the possibility that they didn’t love you as much as you loved them. Granted, finding your Mate was never always an easy thing to do, but even on the coldest night when the entire world appeared in black and white, it had been a comforting thought to know that someone was out there waiting for him.

He never would have thought he’d end up with an angel though.

Leaving the swarm of club goers behind him, he deeply inhaled, double patting his back pocket to guarantee that his notebook was still there – which it was thankfully – and began the long walk home. The last bus running had stopped hours ago. Even Jerry was starting to ask where he went now that he was getting off at a new stop. Every time he asked, the concern and worry rolled off of him like freshly baked bread, and the lies came too easily.

I’m meeting up with Angel for a late night out.

It had worked for the first couple times, but Namjoon knew it wouldn’t last forever. There were only so many places that the someone could go to this late at night.

His ears flattened against the curve of his skull, his tail coming to a halt as he walked. When did it become easier to lie to you than tell the truth? This wasn’t a life that you deserved, but as much as he hated to admit it, there was no ending in sight for him. He…he couldn’t give up the rap battles. Not when he was getting so much attention, when so many people were enjoying and listening to what he had to say.

He finally found a place where he felt like he belonged.

Deep within, his heart ached in confusion and longing. After so long, he was getting the recognition and acknowledgement that his dreams had a possibility of being a reality. On the other side however, he knew he wasn’t supposed to be doing this alone. There was an empty place that could only be filled by one person and one person only, and you were sleeping in bed.

Carefully shutting the front door behind him, Namjoon yawned as he removed his ear buds with one hand, pausing the music on his phone with the other, all while carefully kicking his shoes off and on to the rack in the hallway.

It was well after three in the morning, and limbs heavy from the long walk, all he wanted to do was crawl into bed and sleep with you before returning back to work in a few hours. If it weren’t for the fact that he knew he couldn’t sleep without you anymore, he would have gladly passed out on the couch that was only a handful of steps away.

His exhaustion dulled his senses and as a result, he didn’t pick up on the way that your scent was stronger than it usually was. Granted, this was your home and you spent a majority of your time here, but the living room and kitchen were bathing in nutmeg. He hummed at the way it tickled his memories, vaguely recalling the last time it had been this strong so late at night.

A bang in the kitchen revived him from his daze, frowning as he hurried his way to the kitchen, only then noticing how all the lights in the living room and kitchen were on. He stopped short though, only reaching the kitchen table which was currently hidden underneath the many plates of baked goods that covered it.

You were standing at oven with you back to him, the screen of your phone lit up as your fingers quickly tapped on it before removing a cookie sheet off the stove top and on to a cooling rack. It was a pie. A deep breath on his part and not only was he smelling you, or the apple pie that you baked at three in the morning, but the saltiness of tears being shed.

“Angel?”

Stepping around the table, Namjoon suddenly felt wide awake knowing that you were in pain. His instincts screamed at him to go to you, to hold and comfort you until you were able to tell him what was wrong. To protect you from whatever was hurting you.

At the sound of his voice, you whirled around to face him, the tears turning your eyes into mini oceans when you met his gaze. But you held a palm up and shook your head. His heart came to sudden halt. You didn’t want him to come to you.

“I…I can’t do this,” you said. Your voice was cracking, your free hand curling into a fist by your side.

He felt your pain coming off of you in waves, every emotion seeming to hit Namjoon from every angle but when he tried to go to you once again, a choked cry escaped your lips as you shook your head again.

“Sweetheart,” he whined, his ears now completely flat as he reached out for the back of the chair. You never turned away his hugs and touch before. Usually, you told him how much his presence was more than enough to comfort you. “What’s wrong? What happened Angel?”

A quick glance away from you revealed that even on the counters there were more baked goods. The last time you had done this…Sue had taken Hoseok away from Sarah. He bit down on the inside of his mouth, trying to push that memory away. No. You were his Mate. You had promised that what happened to them would never happen to the two of you.

He watched your tongue dart out to wet your lips, your shaky breaths loud as your tried to collect yourself without his help, his own tears slipping out when you covered your face with your hands for a moment.

“Who is she?” Your voice was muffled by your hands, but you lifted your head to repeat yourself. “Who is she?”

“Who’s who?” He asked, not understanding who you were talking about.

That must have been the wrong thing to say however, because your face scrunched up as another sob left your shoulders shaking and bent you forward. Despite not wanting him near, he couldn’t let you collapse in on yourself. Catching you, he gently guided you to one of the chairs, crouching down on the floor in front of you to be able to look up at you.

“Please, sweetheart. What’s going on? Please tell me.”

“Who is she?” You asked, staring at him with all the pain laid out in your eyes for him to see, sending his own heart cracking at the agony you had been hiding from him. He didn’t think anything could be more painful than seeing you hurting so much. His entire being and purpose felt like it was shattering to a million pieces.

“Who’s the woman that you’re having an affair with Namjoon? Who is she?”

[nyarmand]

my ranking of the alex rider original series (stormbreaker through scorpia rising) from ‘book i least enjoy rereading’ to ‘book i most enjoy rereading’ let’s goooo

spoilers for all 9 books under the cut

9. Ark Angel

...He went to space. He went to space. Also the entire plot could have been avoided if Drevin had actually bothered to provide a photograph of his son. I’m sure he had one. I still like this book but it’s literally so insane that I just don’t know what to do with it. 

It is however really funny that Webber just goes and gives a speech insulting this super high-profile ecoterrorist group and acts like it’s no big deal and then they kill him. Shock of shocks.

8. Skeleton Key

Okay, points to this book for terrifying the shit out of me. God damn it does that shark scene scare me. Also, points for making me feel a little bit bad for a man who wants to nuke his own country because he thinks it will fix the place up. I’m still not entirely sure how that’s supposed to work, but that’s probably a good thing. I feel like understanding his thought process would say bad things about me. Still, I actually did feel sorry for him, if only a little. Dude was clearly mentally unstable and I doubt his son’s death helped at all. I also got sad about what happened to Carver and Troy. (Yeah, yeah, I’m a cringe fail American who has the American release. So sue me.) What a nightmare that must’ve been to endure... Otherwise, though, I’m not super into this book. The opening is just kind of meh and the way it leads into the rest of the plot seems a little bit unbelievable. Also, this might be an unpopular opinion, but Sabina annoys me. I would not get along with her at all and I can’t imagine her as a girlfriend. Skeleton Key does, however, absolutely excel at the emotional scenes. 

Also, why are all the spy agencies so comfortable with sending in a 14-year-old? Especially when they outright admit that the other attempts have all died horribly? Bureaucracy’s a bitch.

7. Point Blank

Boo, Dr. Grief! Boo! We hate your white supremacy! I’m so glad you got a snowmobile to the face, you deserved it. (Perks of books written by Jewish people--we aren’t afraid to give the neo-Nazis an unpleasant death.) Anyway, this book definitely isn’t bad, but I wouldn’t really say it stands out in the series. It definitely does hammer home the point of just how trapped Alex is, since MI6 isn’t going to just let him go after one mission, and let’s face it, the plot with the clones is creepy as hell, if highly improbable. But I’m largely just here to see the neo-Nazi get snowmobiled. That’s right, I just completely changed the definition of a pre-established word. I’m a rebel.

Also, I hate Fiona Friend so much and overall think she just didn’t need to be in the book, but the line about ‘I’d rather kiss the horse’ made me laugh so hard. Alex, you sass.

6. Snakehead

Okay, let’s talk about how genius the plan in this book is. I love it! I love how Yu wants to kill the people involved in the peace conference without making them into martyrs, so he comes up with this whole elaborate plan to stage a natural disaster. It’s incredible. This dude was thinking so far ahead. And he would’ve gotten away with it, too, if it weren’t for that meddling kid... But anyway, I don’t see a lot of books where the villain really acknowledges that killing their enemies could just cause more problems for them via turning them into martyrs for a cause. Also, the way he’s so polite and soft-spoken while also being a complete monster... This book genuinely gives me chills. Extra bonus points for the part in the hospital, the absolute nightmare of having all your organs slowly removed and sold off and everyone around you is being so nice about it? ‘Oh, don’t worry, Alex, it won’t be so bad. Here, take your medicine. Do you need anything?’ Literally just. What the fuck. 

Also Ash can fucking fight me. You put your own godson in horrible danger on purpose! You killed your best friend! Bastard. 

...And just in case the book wasn’t disturbing enough, Yu’s fate at the end lives in my mind rent-free and I think about it on a concerningly regular basis considering that the chances of that happening to me are so low they’re practically in the negatives. Damn you, Horowitz.

I would also be remiss if I did not mention just how much I love the tagline ‘once bitten, twice spy’.

5. Crocodile Tears

Ah yes, the book that kickstarted my drift away from the church... I kid, of course. I drifted away from the church for completely separate reasons. But Desmond McCain is always going to scare the shit out of me. The ability to kill countless innocent people while blissfully quoting Bible verses (that he takes wildly out of context and uses for his own self-serving means) is... well, I could actually say a lot about what that reminds me of, but I’m here to rate books, not religion. Moving on. This book has some really stellar antagonists, and the plot is chilling in a way that feels a lot more realistic than most of the other books. Even if some of it is a bit farfetched (sabotaging a nuclear power plant? Really?), the idea of using disasters for your own profit... well. I’m sure I don’t need to elaborate on why that is so believable. The Poison Dome is also a really cool and chilling scene--even Alex, who has the luck of the devil, can’t get out of that one unscathed. Further scares come in with the fate of Harold Bulman--imagine having your entire existence wiped and your identity changed while you were asleep! The breakdown he has over it is almost enough to make me feel sorry for him, even though he was ready to exploit a teenager and make his life a living hell just to turn a profit. Note the word almost.

Also. The opening makes me cry. Specifically the line talking about how Ravi’s kids would ‘never meet Mickey Mouse’. I lose my goddamn mind every single time I read it. That little personal touch turns the scene from a statistic to a tragedy. Once again: Damn you, Horowitz.

4. Stormbreaker

Yeah, this one gets the special cover shot. And why not? What we are looking at here is the birth of a legend. Move the fuck over, James Bond, Alex Rider is on the scene now. Anyway, yeah, this book is pretty damn spectacular. It has its stumbles, but as the first book in a series, that’s to be expected. Still, it pulls you in from quite literally the first line and keeps you going right up until the end. (If you came here from my post of memes, you know how much the line ‘Killing is for grownups, and you’re still a child’ destroys me.) It has the debut of much-beloved characters such as, of course, Alex--but also Jack Starbright, and of course, the best MI6 agent of them all, which is to say Smithers. Hell, even Yassen Gregorovich, especially once you get through Russian Roulette... Man, that was a rough one. 

Seriously, though. This is a really good book. The scene with the Portuguese man-o’-war still gives me the chills to think about. (Have you ever looked up pictures of those things? They’re beautiful, but holy shit will they make you regret being born. Nature is funny like that.) 

We also get the introduction of, of course, Alex’s patented sass (his response to Sayle saying he relates to the man-o’-war is HILARIOUS) and we get the inherent humor of Alex screwing up an alias one time and then just going by Alex for the rest of the series so he doesn’t do that again. Really, kid, I know you’re not a trained spy or anything but did you never play pretend growing up? Ever? You can’t pretend your name is Felix for a little while? That sounds like a you problem.

3. Scorpia Rising

I distinctly remember when this book came out, actually. I was on vacation at the time, and I remember my brother annoying the hell out of the poor workers at a bookstore we frequented there to see if/when they were going to get it in. They did, finally, and we bought it immediately, and I was of course absolutely desperate to read it. He got to read it first, though. -_-

This is a great book, an absolute emotional rollercoaster all the way through. The way Blunt tricks Alex back into service by staging a shooting was exactly the kind of cold, brutal behavior I’d expect from him. Seeing Julius come back was shocking, but very exciting, too. And Razim makes an incredibly chilling villain, with his absolute disregard for human life and his desire to measure pain. Also, seeing Smithers’s house was so much fun. Smithers in this book was just really fun in general, but he’s really fun in every book, so... nothing unusual there. But also, I want an unwelcome mat. Please?

2. Eagle Strike

‘But Penny,’ you might ask, ‘why is this book so high on your list? It has so much of Sabina in it, and you said she annoys you.’ That is true. What does not annoy me, however, is basically the entire rest of the book. I love the tense opening, and then reading through Alex’s real-life ‘playthrough’ of Feathered Serpent is still one of my favorite scenes. Cray is absolutely incredible as a villain, with the way that he truly believes in his cause--which is undoubtedly a good one! Yet the extremes to which he will go for that cause, and the fact that he very nearly succeeds, are what elevate him to one of the most dangerous villains in the series. That scene with Charlie Roper and the nickels is something I can never seem to stop thinking about. Actually, I think about it basically whenever I think about large amounts of money paid in small increments... 

Also, I really enjoy how he gets into the whole plot in the first place, and I really enjoy Smithers saying ‘ah, fuck it’ and helping him out anyway. Go, Smithers. You once again prove me right in saying that you’re the coolest adult in MI6.

The revelation that Yassen knew Alex’s father is one that absolutely blew my mind first time around. The way his life was threaded into the lives of the Rider family--he worked with John Rider, was saved by him, killed Ian Rider, and then died for refusing to kill Alex Rider--wow. Wow. It gets to me. It really gets to me. This book is a masterpiece. I heard that it’s going to be what the second season of the TV series is based off of, and I’m so hyped for that. We love to see it, we really do.

1. Scorpia

I don’t believe anyone who says this book didn’t get to them at all. I just think they are lying. I don’t think it’s humanly possible to not be affected by this book. God. Just thinking about it reminds me of why I don’t think it’s possible. I mean, come on. We get all this backstory about Alex’s parents, we get tricked along with him into thinking MI6 killed his father, then bam, that was a lie, and Alex may have just fucked himself over big time. Also, that plot is terrifying! (And I bet anti-vaxxers had a field day with it, huh.) Julia Rothman is a really great antagonist, one of the only ones who didn’t go and explain her plan in great detail to Alex--the fact that she didn’t actually being a plot point was something I personally found pretty clever. In general, this book is... I tend to hate when people say they ‘can’t put it down’ because it’s usually an obvious exaggeration, but that really is how I feel reading it.

And again. If that ending didn’t get to you... Well, I just think you are lying.

[collarious]

lessons that i’ve learnt so far

I haven’t been on this space for a couple of years. Revisiting this space is like a step back into a part of my past self - the part that’s most anxious and depressed. When life got too difficult, I would leave traces of struggle in the form of words. Punching the ‘post’ button always felt so strange — it wasn’t cathartic, it never truly encapsulated what i felt, it didn’t exactly make things feel better — but at least those thoughts were out of the mind and contained in a space. 

Recently, I’ve rediscovered this space, reread my entries and realised how far I’ve come through the years. I guess I want to summarise the things that I’ve learnt so far, in this journey of life and hope to continue practising. Excuse the shabbily typed out brain dump. 1. Be humble, learn about yourself + the world

The brain is extremely tricky and stubborn. More often or not, we probably don’t know ourselves as much as we think we do. We tell ourselves narratives of who we are, especially when life is hard and we’re not feeling good.

Know yourself, in and out, through objective means. Cross-reference like crazy using personality tests (Attachment styles, MBTI, enneagram etc), horoscopes, ask your friends what they think of you. Constantly question: who am I really? 

Read and research repeatedly — read self-help + non fiction books / listen to talks + podcasts by renowned professionals that debunk your understanding of you and the world. I personally love watching Youtube vlogs of people I look up to - especially when I’m feeling down. The change in perspective is almost always refreshing.

From there, you can break the narratives that you tell yourself everyday. Knowledge is powerful, it keeps us humble and open. 

This journey of self-discovery has no end. But that’s the fun of it, because we are always changing as time goes. We’ve got to understand ourselves because no one else will do it for us. Truly understanding ourselves really is the first step to knowing what works for our lives.

2. Acknowledge your shortcomings, but celebrate everything As we learn about our strengths and weaknesses, there comes a point when we have to accept our shortcomings. Accept, then take action to improve on the things that we can. There’s going to be so much inertia at times - some days feel fine while others make you feel like you’re back to zero. 

Track your progress, celebrate the small wins. Encourage yourself constantly, be your biggest cheerleader. 

3. Your feelings are not you. Feelings come and they go.

Feel. Do not push away your feelings, even though they are so intense & you feel like you want to disappear. 

I find solace when I think of them as: 1) The sky. Yes, the weather changes, there are seasons. Rainy days, sunny days. But the blue sky can be there, at the core we are that beautiful calm sky. 2) The ocean. The waters are always different. Waves roll in as they roll out. Despite how the ocean behaves, you can’t help but think how beautiful and vast it is.

It’s so easy to attach yourself to intense feelings as they come, because you feel every ounce of it so deeply. The brain naturally attaches to painful feelings much easier than the good ones - its really our job to try to rewire its preference against negativity.

Fear, anxiety, sadness - they are real. But so is love, grit, resilience and all the wonderful emotions we have the pleasure to feel. 

4. Take good care of yourself. Find healthy coping mechanisms.

You are your biggest asset – believe it with all your heart. 

It can be really difficult — sometimes life feels so intense, there’s so much destructive energy, and a lot of times we take it out on ourselves if not on others. My question is — will you ever want the people you love to do the same thing, to suffer? No.

Instead of doing things that simply distract you, replace them with things that uplift you. There are things that are proven to work if you stick to them — journalling, working on what you love, exercising, meditating, hanging out with people who support you. Healthy coping mechanisms look different to everyone and they change over time - so find the things that help you feel better and hopeful about the future.

Taking care of yourself; no one is going to take that job and frankly, do we really want to pass that responsibility on to someone else? When we take care of ourselves, we then have the strength to tend towards those we love. 

5. Set boundaries

Boundaries. If only they taught that in school. 

Know your triggers. Set boundaries that protect you from your triggers. Communicate your boundaries, make sure to uphold them. Find people who respect your boundaries. 

Yes, there are some people who will shit on your boundaries, gaslight you blabla. Do not give them the power to affect your reality. Distance yourself if you can. Cut toxic people out of your life. If you can’t, try to do what’s within your means to not let them take away your energy.

We have a limited amount of energy in a day. More when we are having a good day, less when we wake up to a bad one. Where you place this energy, is where you choose your focus. Focus on the good, always.

6. Learn to plan

Some people are natural planners, but others are not due to their personality or the environment that they grew up in. It took me so many years to understand the power of planning, even more to learn how to do it. I’m still learning every day.

When you’re someone with emotions that come so intensely, planning takes a whole lot of stress off for your future self. Having a plan can also feel like hope. When the mind is depressed, at least there’s a routine to follow. Learn to plan the way that works for you + your life. Kickstart this by learning how other people plan (Youtube, I love you so much) & tweak it to your liking.

So many days when I felt like doing absolutely nothing. But doing absolutely nothing will only make you feel even more shit and its just a downward spiral.

Do the easy shit first, feel good about the easy shit, then do a slightly harder task and another and another. Remember to congratulate yourself always, even if that task is ‘eating a proper meal’. 

Oh yes, there are gonna be days when you can’t do anything even after planning .. when you absolutely can’t, don’t beat yourself up for it. Rest, recharge, try again.

7. Get up and learn

There’s going to be many bad days + failures. It’s life, we just got to accept that. But really what matters is getting up and learning from them. There’s always something positive to be learnt. A mistake not to be repeated. If your failures look similar, its life giving you the same lesson.

Getting up and learning is resilience, grit and humility. There’s nothing more romantic than this. 

8. You are not alone. Seek help.

We can do a lot, but sometimes there comes a point when we are just struggling way too hard. Ask for help. Reach out. A friend. A lover. A therapist.

You’ll find love and support in ways that you can’t imagine, plus the strength to live again, fuller + brighter.

9. The Breathe

It truly blew my mind when I learnt about the power of breath through yoga and meditation. When the mind is going absolutely batshit insane, don’t think - just breathe. There’s no point adding fuel to the fire. Breathing and being present in the moment - it recentres, grounds and resets.

Learn about the breath and how it affects you + the world around you. Sometimes — when I stop to properly breathe, I feel connected to the universe again. It’s simple but endlessly interesting.

That’s all I can remember for now. May peace and joy be part of your every day.

[moon-goddess-posts]

Hello everyone! This is my first fanfiction and I decided to write kaeya first because I just love him sm 😭😭😭😭 anyway hope you guys enjoy! Zhongli is up next. I'm also new to Tumblr so idk how this works LMFAO

Kaeya x Gn reader

Fluff, kaeya is weird but its ok cause he warms up to you, didn't proof read this cause it was 1am

You were walking around the streets of mondstadt, you always loved the night and decided to come out for some fresh air. Lost in thought, you were reflecting on your first moments here and how the handsome calvary captain gave you a tour of the city. You were an adventurer from Fontaine seeking to do research on all the 7 regions. Mondstadt was the first region on your list. You've heard most of it from stories on barbatos and how he saved mondstadt, but you'd love to meet the people and all the certain flowers that were around. You finally arrived at the front gate and the guards gave you a warm welcome. The city air was fresh and everything had a carefree warm feel to it. "This truly is the city of freedom" you thought to yourself and smiled. Having everything written down on your notebook, you decided to try out the foods that were common here. "What can I get for you today?" The women spoke as you came up to the counter. You took out your notebook and chose a dish. "I'll take one chicken mushroom skewer please, ah would I also ask for your name if you don't mind?" You gave a friendly smile. "My name is Sara, worker at Good Hunter! Your food will be right up. I see you arent around here." "Nice to meet you Sara, im actually traveling the 7 regions for my art pieces and mondstadt just happened to be my first one. I would love to know some tourist attractions around here, would you happen to know a guide?" It was nice to see a conversation going well especially since you were never really the best at conversations. But you wanted to hurry up because your social battery was draining fast. "Id love to be your guide" and unfamiliar voice came to the right and you shot your head to that direction. His appearance was definitely different from the rest of the citizens but looked really attractive either way. He was leaning against the booth almost giving off an intimidating nature underneath the layers of charming. "Really? That would be great, thank you so much! And uhm your name is...?" Depsite the oddness you got from him, you did your best to continue the conversation as normally as possible. "Kaeya, Knights of Favionus, happy to be your guide dear" his sudden pet name made you flitch but you pushed it off "So where are we going first dear calvary captain" you gave him a teasing remark as you smirked. He chuckled "well obviously I wouldn't be a good tour guide if I didn't show you the Barbatos statute first." "Ah of course haha" you gave him a nervous chuckle. "Is there any other reason you decided to come here other than to just "explore"" You thought he ease dropped on your conversation, and even so he still didn't find you that trust worthy. "Well I'm a pretty well known artist where I'm from, but besides just coming here to make art I also decided to write a few poems for each region. If you'd want I can show you my works" you smiled happily and his cold attitude started to fade just a bit. "You can show me once we get to the next place, feel free to draw me then too ♡" it wasn't the best first impression but at least he didn't feel as hostile anymore. You and Kaeya finally made it to the statue and it was more beautiful in person than your thoughts could ever imagine. Ideas started to flow through your brain on how to paint it. "Wow its so...." you were at a lost for words. "Breathtaking isn't it?" Kaeya finished your sentence and you flahsed him a small smile and nod. "Yeah it is, ill be sure to mark it down as the first place to paint. Maybe if you'd like, you can give it to the Acting Grandmaster as a token of my thanks for having me here" "Such a kind hearted soul arent you? I'll be sure to inform her." Kaeya patted your head and walked off, assuming he was leading you to the second destination, you started to follow him. "You should stop by the tavern Cats Tail sometime tonight, I can tell you more about this place and if you'd like, more about me," You saw this as an opportunity for more research on the area, and maybe get to know Kaeya a bit more, he truly was an interesting person, so you

accepted. "I'll be sure to make it around 18:00 or 19:00!" The next destination included a beautiful tree, lake, and another small statue of barbatos. You thought it was truly magnificent, especially how the sun hit the leaves all so perfectly giving it a warm glow. "This place is Windrise. Its often associated with love and is one of the most well know spot for dates." He winked at you and you looked away, not really sure what to do. "Is that so? I can see why. Its very beautiful." You did your best not to stutter from how flirty he was being. "This statue here is for offerings. You find anemoculous and you offer them to the statues. In return, you get a gift from the God." "Oh! We have on of those where I'm from as well, but its a different person." You weren't really sure why you wouldn't tell him where you were from, maybe it was because he was super analytical, or the whole predator with its prey vibe he got going on. "There are 7 types of statues that represent the 7 archons, would it be ok if you'd tell me where you're from? I'm just so interested in you." He gave a flirty smirk and you couldn't help but blush a little bit. "Uhm I'm from Fontaine, if you couldn't tell by the clothes. Its quite similar to Mondstadt, but I find it here to be more peaceful and calming than there." "Fontaine huh? I've heard people live the luxury over there. Very formal." He laughed a bit, part of him was right but it wasn't all that good as he was making it sound. "Hmm I guess you could say that, my parents were pretty well off but I can't say much about the rest." Your gaze drifted off to the forming sunset and you wondered if you should head back soon. "Ill head back, ill tell you more about the attractions tomorrow. Don't forget our date tonight deary..." He waved goodbye and walked off. "Deary.." you said to yourself, he flattered you very much but all of it seemed off in a way. You didn't think to much about it and decided to head back too. Your memories of your first interaction with Kaeya was over once you heard someone call your name. A familiar voice that was. "Y/n!" Kaeya called out. Automatically knowing who it was, you turned around to be greeted by a fine tall man dressed in blue tones "Hi Kaeya!" "I dont think its a good idea for a pretty lady like you to be walking out so late at night." He sounded amused but you were over it. "Oh cut it out captain, I know you were just swooning some girls a couple minutes ago." "Haha so what, you jealous?" "Dont flatter yourself, why would I be jealous anyway? Feelings like those are just a waste of time" you hated to admit that you were just a tiny bit jealous. You weren't sure how your crush on the calvary captain formed but it did and it didn't seem to be going away any time soon. Part of you thought maybe he already knew and he was just toying with you. Or maybe he was oblivious to it, thinking no one could love such a person like him. Either way, you still kept these feelings inside. "There's no shame in bearing emotion, love, its just our nature. And for a while I think you've been feeling pretty intense emotions about a certain someone..." His hand tilted your chin so you could face up to him. Shoot did he know? How was that possible? Was I that obvious? You thought to yourself, you weren't sure how you were going to get out of this situation. "I...I-its nothing that concerns of you" you broke eye contact but you knew kaeya wasn't letting up. "A lie to a lier is no stranger, but if you wish to keep your secrets then who am I to cross such a boundary." He back off from you and you started to breathe again. You wanted to tell him so bad. How much you loved and cared for him, how much you so desperately wanted to be there for him no matter what situation. You were willing to take risks for him if it meant that one day you would forever be together. But maybe you thought the image you had of him was wrong. You knew well enough his flirty nature was never sincere, and how he was hiding something much darker then you ever wanted to imagine. Even so, you still wanted your

thoughts of him to become right. So before he walked off again you mustered up the courage. "Kaeya wait! I, I do actually want to tell you something." He looked surprised now but intrigued. "Ever since we met, there was always something different about you. It always left me wanting to know more and over the years I did learn more about you. But then I started feeling these weird emotions and having thse weird thoughts like thinking maybe one day we could be together...or knowing the real you even. I know you say less than you lead on but I felt like I'd be willing to take extreme risks to know who you actually are. I feel so safe around you and I always smile at those good memories we have. I dont know if this is called love, I dont know fully what love is but you're special enough for me to be having these feelings." Thats it, you let everything out. Awaiting for rejection, you began to panic when the silence held for what seemed like an eternity, until you heard him walking toward you. He held your chin again and gave you a look you've never seen before. A mix of admiration, and happiness. He swiped his thumb over your bottom lip and you tensed up. "Kaeya...." Before you could say anything else, he pulled you into a kiss. A new feeling started to arise and your whole body began to feel hot. Euphoria was coursing through your veins and you felt like you were going to fall without Kaeyas support. He was so warm, so intoxicating. You couldn't even feel where you were or he was, it all just became a bundle of sensations and happiness. You couldn't tell how long you both had kissed for but you were the first one to pull away as your breath began to shorten. "As much as a flirt as I am, I dont do well communicating my actual emotions. So id prefer to show them through my actions. I cant say it right now, but I hope that helped you realize what my answer is." He pulled you into a hug and you buried his face into his fur jacket. Already knowing his answer, you breathed a sigh of relief

[lesbianbooradleypsued]

The Etherian Party Bus: Point Zero

Fandom: She-ra and the Princesses of Power Pairing: Adora/Catra  Word Count:  6,898

Summary: As Darla approaches the point of no contact with Etheria, Adora thinks about how they got to this point. Just 7 months ago they'd won the war, and now she doesn't know if her little crew will ever return. Or After the defeat of Hoard Prime, Catra and Hordak were exiled for four years. Adora and Entrapta refused to accept being separated from them for that long, and loaded the two of them on Darla and then set out for parts unknown in space. Adora is currently considering everything that has happened to get them to this point as they are about to leave contact range with Etheria. Catra joins her on the bridge.

Notes: So this is just one part of a series. They'll be posted out of order with the time stamps at the beginning. Haven't written in a long while so have mercy on me. X-posted to AO3 as well. 

Tags: Smut, Porn With Plot, Rough Sex, Biting, Scratching, light bdsm aspects, Top Adora, Bottom Catra, Blow Jobs, Adora Has a Penis, Recreational Drug Use, if i forgot a tag tell me, Fluff, Not Beta Read

Seven Months Out

The rhythmic thump of heavy bass from two floors down on Darla thrummed through Adora's relaxed body like a second heartbeat.

She was shamelessly lounging on the bridge in her Captain's chair in a pair of baggy grey sweatpants, a white tank top, and the comfortable black slip on shoes she wore day to day around Darla. Her right leg was draped over the plush arm of her chair and her left leg was cocked out, resting comfortably on the floor. Her right arm was folded behind her head and her left was lazily holding onto a glass filled with shimmery dark purple liquid that rippled in sync with the bass.

The bridge was dark save for the few ever present blinking red lights on the various dash boards and panels surrounding the six strategically placed seats that now comprised the ship's bridge. All Entrapta and Hordak's designs. It was just those lights and of course the large windows filled with the brilliant kaleidoscope of stars that were reflected in Adora's peaceful hazed over blue eyes.

She was lost in reflection.

In front of her were countless galaxies filled with countless lifeforms and Adora wanted to meet and learn about them all. And hopefully quell that insatiable drive in her that'd been building steadily for the last four months of the exile to just keep going.

Adora finally knew what a passion was now, something not born out of circumstantial upbringing or a sense of duty, but something you do because you want to. She wants to explore further every day just to find out something new, chart new stars, learn about a different species cultures. She wants to see what Catra feels like in her arms there with her through every new experience, so far removed from their prior life. Untethered. She knows very little about the First Ones, most of it not great, but she does know they were explorers. She figures that's where this passion must come from.

Behind her, falling further and further away every second is Etheria. It's so far away now it's no longer visible even at their highest scanning capacity.

After seven months in space, the last four of them spent finally finding out what kind of person she was outside of child soldier/She-ra, Adora's feelings about their abrupt, messy departure from their home planet had managed to settle down between resignation and dull betrayal.

It's still a very tender spot. Her logical brain understands that Catra and Hordak couldn't just escape any type of punishment for their literal war crimes. It wouldn't be fair to the countless lives forever changed by them. She also will begrudgingly concede that it would have been a slap in the face to every citizen of Etheria if Glimmer had just gone against the public demand and pardoned them. She is also begrudgingly grateful that Glimmer had ordered the most minimal punishment she had within her power as Queen.

But four years exile still seemed so long. Too long. Even longer now that she knew what her and Catra actually had. She thought she had loved Catra at seventeen, but that feeling was hardly a single star in the quadrant compared to the way she felt about her now. And she knew that with every day that passed, the feelings were just getting more and more intense. She couldn't imagine going four days without the magicat, four years was absurd.

Less than an hour after the sentencing they had left Etheria in a messy, absolutely traumatic scene on the front lawn of Brightmoon. Two of them were convicted criminals who had just been exiled from Etheria and two of them were Princesses who refused to just accept being parted for four years, the need to rebuild Etheria be damned. And as an extra spicy surprise they found out a couple of months in, that Double Trouble had stole'd away on Darla for reasons Adora was still unclear on. Something about drama and possibly being wanted.

The first few months in space had been a disaster Adora acknowledged, taking a sip of her drink and savoring the smooth herbal flavor. They had been blindly chasing the idea of restoring magic to the universe like it was their assigned mission, and not just a distraction from their current situation.

The immediate space around Etheria, it turned out, was not nice to begin with.

In the month since Prime's demise a power vacuum had opened up in the area. Entire planets were without the resources to rebuild themselves and were more than willing to fight for them, and there were opportunistic ships filled with bandits everywhere. It was chaos.

And they had flown into the middle of all that and loudly pronounced they had killed Prime and were magic.

Que a three month long shit storm.

They all just suffered.

Entrapta retreated into herself, barely coming out of the engine room unless they were under attack or broke down. She had been shaken to the core by her sudden loss of confidence in the friendships she had tentatively built over the last three years. Friendships she thought were built on mutual respect for their unique abilities and qualities. Entrapta knew she was the smart one. But only Adora, Scorpia, Wrong Hordak, and Catra had spoken on Hordak's behalf even though Entrapta provided sufficient evidence that by killing Prime in the way She-ra had, it had changed Hordak in fundamental ways. Yes he was responsible for what he had done, took responsibility for it, but he was also literally a new being.

When She-ra knocked Prime's ass out of Hordak's body and vanquished him, it was like being baptised, exorcised, and reborn simultaneously. All the clones had experienced it. Hoard Prime could not control them even again, could never take control of them again. An order coded into their very DNA that demanded them to conquer all for Prime was obliterated. That drive, an instinct really, had been as deeply ingrained into them as breathing was.

Hordak was not really washed anew like the other clones though. He didn't go from a mindless drone in a hive mind like the others, no, he'd spent thirty years waging war in Prime's name on Etheria. He was now without purpose. He was overwhelmed with emotions he did not know he was capable of that lurched violently from happiness to guilt and more often than not ended up at rage. He spoke very rarely to anyone but Entrapta unless it was to loudly argue with Adora or Catra or both of them.

Adora had spent those first few months just absolutely drenched in anger and bitterness. Her mind circled around all of the hurt that had been caused during the last three years. So much of it was Adora and Catra's. They were hit with traumatic event after traumatic event for three years, after a traumatic as fuck childhood. And against all odds they had escalated and pushed that stalemate of a war to an end where everyone won. And now because apparently they couldn't have nice things, and Adora was not smart, they found themselves in a big galaxy filled with unexpected dangers. And what were they doing? Chasing and dodging said dangers because they were just barreling ahead under her command asking every being they met if they needed their magic topped off. She was being absolutely reckless and every near catastrophe circled back to two thoughts. I'm not good enough and how could Catra love me?

Catra had felt horrible that Adora had just given up her life on Etheria so she could stay with Catra. But she felt downright evil that she had selfishly agreed to it with very little argument. Adora had pointedly told Catra that this was what she wanted. How could she deserve this? After everything that had happened Adora had chosen her? Wanted her by her side to explore this precious thing they'd started? How could she say no? It was hard for anyone but them to understand how much it meant for Adora to say those words aloud. She wanted Catra. She could not actually believe it still. Fought herself against the notion in fact. She spiraled in self hatred and guilt. Which of course meant she lashed out at Adora because that's what she did.

Adora and Catra got stuck in a vicious cycle of fight, avoid, apologize, rinse, and repeat that went on for two months. And then finally after a truly shitty day, even by those early standards, it came to a head. Catra gathered all three of the brain cells aboard Darla and had a big "aha moment". They actually had their first real mostly calm and open discussion about their feelings and baggage in their lives. They also had sex for the first time. It was a really big aha moment.

Adora hadn't thought it was possible to fall more in love with the magicat but she did. After the incident, Catra began opening up in earnest to Adora. She whispered confessions of love and attraction into her ear, began to slowly become more physically affectionate towards her. Adora's focus started to shift from saving the universe to saving them. If Catra was safe, she was calm enough to be vulnerable for Adora, and it turns out Adora needed that vulnerability like fucking oxygen. It made her better, made her feel like she could do anything in the universe she wanted. It made Adora believe that Catra loved her for her, and not for what Adora could do.

So less running around space with her whole ass showing; ending them up in dangerous situations every other day, and more let's just go away from that situation and see what's over there.

But not enough because they all nearly died in a fiery blaze three months in.

Adora had snapped after healing Catra's broken ribs, pointed Darla in the general direction of far away, and gunned it. They'd cleared the small cluster of planets nearest Etheria that they had been nervously darting around for three months, getting their asses handed to them, and just kept going. She just put the whole magical quest on the back burner indefinitely. It wasn't working, was actively endangering them in fact. It was not conducive to a vulnerable safe Catra.

When they were a safe distance away she had hidden the ship in an asteroid field and Meelog cloaked them. And then Adora had turned to Catra and asked her what she thought they should do next. It had been a very wise decision.

Catra had taken control immediately. First she encouraged/ordered Entrapta and Hordak to use their combined intelligence and any means necessary to get Darla up to date and better suited to surviving four years in space. They absolutely ran with it. They'd practically completely redesigned the layout of the ship and had even managed to expand its size over the last four months. Darla was taking on the character of a jigsaw puzzle with all the different colored materials covering her hull now. Double Trouble called it Junker Chic, Adora said she had character.

After that, and another near death experience for Adora, the magicat had proposed becoming diplomats of sorts for Etheria. Space was dangerous Catra pointed out, and that danger would likely come for Etheria again eventually. Having strong ties to planets already established in the quadrant has leaders could only be helpful.

And as her last decision Catra had released Adora from any responsibility except for occasionally parading She-ra out when the situation called for it. Her girlfriend had poked and prodded at the new ember of passion in Adora's heart until it was a raging fire.

It had been an amazing change in their lives.

Still seven months in space and in her heart, Adora was still so raw from the sheer trauma of the entire trial, convictions, and absolutely cataclysmic immediate aftermath. She'd had to carry Catra aboard Darla because the magicat was crying so hard. She felt...betrayed? Somehow used in a way she couldn't express? She had nearly died over and over and over again for Etheria. She nearly lost Catra forever for Etheria. And all they got were two weeks before everything went to absolute shit and strangers who didn't know the full story started demanding Catra's permanent exile. Some had even called for execution despite Etheria not having a death sentence. "Make one" someone had said. Adora had nearly ran them through with her sword.

Adora knows if they are ever gonna return at the end of the exile she's gotta heal more. Has to get to a place where she wants to go back. They all do.

Two decks down, in Darla's expanded cargo bayn the wildest party this side of Etheria was raging on at, what her body believed to be, very very late at night. The beat changed suddenly, becoming more powerful, and it startled Adora out of her musings. The tempo sped up and the bass pounded harder and Adora released a throaty chuckle. Her groin tightened, partly from the vibrations and partly from the effects of the drink coursing through her blood. She took a long swill of her glass and moved to rest her right hand firmly on her lap, rubbing her hardening dick through her pants and sighing in contentment.

The thing Adora lovef most about this aimless explorer diplomatic lifestyle they'd gradually slipped into was the culture they'd shared with scores of different species. The drink in her hand was supplied by the fourteen Chix'eks currently onboard the ship at the moment, who were also supplying the music.

Of all of the species they'd met so far, the Chix'eks are by far Adora's favorite. Tall and willowy bipeds, their shimmery smooth bichromatic scales come in countless color combinations and their facial features remind Adora of a bird of prey. They were also the most sincere, friendly beings Adora has ever met, and their language was beautiful. When Adora had been downstairs with them earlier she had taken her translator earpiece out and just listened to them. It was like glass windchimes in a steady breeze. They also were absolute party animals. Like having a pretty good time was in their specie's nature.

They'd been traveling with this group for the last two weeks for no other reason than they were all going the same direction for a bit.

The Chix'eks were highly intelligent and eager to share their knowledge and learn from Hordak and Entrapta's own wealth of knowledge, Catra and Double Trouble practically fed off of their clever sharp wit and general "we're always at a rave" vibes, and Adora just loves listening to their intricate music and sampling the various mind altering substances they have crafted over several millions of years of inherited knowledge.

Medicine was a specialty craft amongst their species. Their medicine was arguably the furthest advanced in this quadrant of space. The fact that the plants that grew on their home planet could affect every species they had met so far seemed fantastically impossible to Adora. But she had experienced it first hand when she'd contracted some kind of alien plague virus from hell and almost died. It was not a great time. Catra had new nightmares for several weeks. But by chance a group of the scaled beings had happened upon them and saved Adora just cause they could. And then offered to make some introductions to other friendly worlds in that part of space. They'd sparked that explorative vibe.

Oh yeah, and their passion for making addictive free, highly specialized, mind altering substances was a huge bonus.

She was glad they were on board right now providing her strange crew with comrade and the drink in Adora's hand that has allowed her to sit and think in total peace for the last hour. It would probably be one of those nights otherwise. Outside of the moments she spent wrapped up in Catra's arms, where nothing else existed but them, Adora still couldn't ever just relax. It was a little easier these days, maybe because now her mind was usually racing about exciting things, but tense situations brought out her worst self destructive habits.

And they were in a tense situation, party aside.

They were almost at the point in space where they wouldl no longer be able to contact Etheria and Etheria will no longer be able to contact them. Entrapta officially called it Point Zero. As it was, the contact they did have with home had a two week delay. They'd hovered around this point for the last month. They'd even recorded a message telling Etheria they'd be leaving contact range for a while. It was an open-ended goodbye disguised as an update, just in case.

Adora knew the decision to venture out beyond this point was on her shoulders.

Entrapta and Hordak would have loved nothing more than to gain new scientific knowledge so they could continue their shared passion for turning Darla into a flying impenetrable fortress. As well as collecting new tech to bring back to Etheria to modernize the planet.

Double Trouble wad having the time of Their fucking life expanding Their repertoire of mimicry far beyond the limits of Etheria, and raising hell in Their wake for the drama of it all. Their gift for espionage had been especially useful on several occasions as well, either to get them all out of a tight spot, or just to gather information for Adora's research.

And Catra. God Catra had absolutely burst like a supernova away from Etheria. Gone was the self loathing, guilt ridden magicat who was immediately resigned to being torn away from Adora and tossed onto Beast Island because she thought she deserved it.

Catra is thriving in space, completely free of the demons that plagued her on Etheria. She's still as snarky and sharp tongued as ever but nowadays she smiled more often than not. Her eyes were brighter. She purred almost constantly. And they hadn't fought about anything more serious than what to eat for dinner in months.

Catra had slipped into the not exactly legit role of Etherian Ambassador like a second skin. Her skill for strategy and diplomacy were nearly fully responsible for Adora's continued ability to study other species without coming across as some insane space tourist. They'd made real diplomatic ties with other planets because Catra was a strategic genius. All she asked of Adora was to bring out She-ra when the need for "oohs and aware" occasionally arose. A smiling eight foot tall muscled goddess with a sword really topped off a presentation.

Adora had never in her life seen Catra so happy and carefree.

But still all that aside, Catra had made it very clear that where Adora wanted to go, she wanted to go. They were in sync now more than they'd ever been in their lives, more than Adora suspected they could have achieved on Etheria. Their bond seemed impenetrable after seven months of constant reliance on one another, cohabitation, and working through most of their shit. When they moved these days, they moved as one.

Just thinking about her lover made Adora's heart race in her chest and her dick jumped, going from a semi, to rock hard in seconds. She inhaled deeply at the sensation, and downed the last of her drink.

The drink wasn't usually this potent. Adora had been drinking a much lower dosage of it every morning at breakfast for a couple of months. It helped her to concentrate during the day, helped to keep her thoughts from spiraling when things were tense or she felt like she'd messed up. Entrapta had explained brain chemistry to Adora briefly, she got the gist of it. She didn't need to have an in-depth understanding of it to get that it really helped just manage everything.

Tonight's drink though was not about mental health management and all about that really good Chix'ekian time.

She set the empty glass on the small table at her side and shifted so she could pull her hardened cock out of her pants. The drink had a massive effect on her senses and her libido. Everything was so intense. It felt like she perceived time slower.

For example her sense of smell was so heightened now she could smell Catra, knew she was making her way down the hall to the bridge. Her heady earthy aroma was addictive. Adora had only been minutely aware of it growing up, when they were pressed up against each other in their bunk, or claws to sword in battle. She'd never stopped to examine the nature of it, why Catra had such a distinctive scent compared to everyone else. She hadn't understood pheromones. She didn't understand the magicat instinct to mark and claim. She understood now though that Catra was different on a very basic level from Adora. It made Adora love her more.

The door barely made a sound as it opened and closed. Adora stroked herself lazily as she listened to Catra pad softly across the carpeted floor, her eyes still drawn to the wild unexplored space in front of them.

She felt Catra move around her chair and her eyes turned away from the view to watch her girlfriend kneel in front of her lap, rest her head on Adora's thigh, and begin gently running a clawed hand over Adora's exposed stomach, inches away from where Adora was stroking her own dick.

Catra's eyes were wide, pupils blown, and her voice when she spoke was practically sinful. "Hey Adora," she rasped out looking up at Adora as she scent marked her inner thigh. Adora took a deep breath and her lips curled into an absolutely love drunk smile.

"Hey Catra," Adora replied, her free hand immediately going to Catra's cheek and scratching behind her ear.

Her gaze drifted down to Catra's neck, and the thick white collar affixed with a golden o-ring she was wearing. This was a rather recent addition to their relationship and Catra had only ever worn it in their cabin. But she smelt of the woodsy incense the Chix'eks liked to burn and the herbal blend they'd created for Catra to smoke. Which meant Catra was wearing it at the party. Her dick twitched in her hand.

Catra purred at the affection and movedn her hand from the blond's stomach to swat away Adora's hand from her straining dick and began softly stroking it herself. The fine furs on her palms felt amazing to Adora's overly sensitive cock and she groaned with pleasure, head lulling back as she buried her hand in Catra's wild shoulder length hair.

"Those Chix'eks really know their stuff," Catra hummed as she shuffled closer and higher on her knees so she could press a small kiss to the base of the blond's length.

"Feeling good?" Adora asked, chuckling. She tightened her grip on Catra's mane slightly and kept her in place against her dick. She moaned when the corner of Catra's lips pressed momentarily against her balls.

"Feeling great," Catra said before beginning to lick at the hot flesh in front of her face "I'll be bummed when they break off to go home."

"Oh my god same," Adora said laughing and breaking out into a wide smile. Gently she pushed Catra backwards and sat upright in her chair, kicking her shoes off and to the side.

"You know," Catra said as Adora pulled her back towards her lap, "we're about ten minutes till we're out of range."

She might have said it conversationally but Adora knew Carta was nervous about Adora's decision. But Adora was not. Just like she wasn't nervous when she leapt into the darkness in Prime's ship, just like when she chose to spend some well deserved time with the love of her life over "duty", and just like the time she gave Catra control of their situation.

Adora pushed Catra back, leant forwards, and cupped both of Catra's cheeks, fingers immediately curling around her ears. She kissed the magicat on the forehead and deeply inhaled her scent. "Kitten I sent the message and set the course for straight ahead when I came in here an hour ago. I want to see what else is out there." Her blue eyes flitted up hungrily to the stars and then back to Catra before she reclined back into her chair.

Catra didn't look up, but she did release a suspiciously watery chuckle before she shifted forwards and wrapped her perfect lips around the head of Adora's cock suddenly. She took it deep down her throat so fast it seemed effortless. Adora groaned obscenely and buried her hands in Catra's hair, her grip tight and immediately desperate.

Adora's cock wasn't exactly small. Fully erect as she was now it was eight inches long and thick as fuck. And Catra just kept sliding her lips further and further down her length until they were stretched taunt and her breath was coming out in hot, fast puffs against Adora's abdomen.

"Gods, fuck Catra," Adora groaned out as Catra's head began to bob up and down in her lap. The blond watched Catra's throat greedily as the muscles contracted to deep throat her over and over again. They were strained against her collar.

Adora felt a sudden sharp sting at the base of her dick and hissed loudly in pleasure. Occasional knicks on her dick were an unavoidable experience when the woman sucking it regularly had needle sharp fangs. Adora relished in the familiar sting, craved it actually.

Adora's fingers tightened roughly in Catra's hair and when the magicat made to bob up, Adora forced her back down until Catra's claws pressed into her thighs, easily piercing through her sweats and into her skin. The magicat sputtered around the cock firmly blocking her airway.

Catra let out a sound somewhere between a moan and a yowl as she struggled to breath for a second. And when Adora pulled her back up she sucked in a ragged breath before a deep growl rumbled in her chest. Her bi-colored eyes were completely blown and she pulled against Adora's hand, trying to take the blond down her throat again.

"Fuck you're so desperate to choke on my dick, aren't you Kitten?" Adora slurred out. She didn't even wait for a response, just shoved Catra back down as her hips jolted up.

She began fucking Catra's throat in a slow but firm pace. Push Catra down and hold her there for a few long moments and then yank her up. Catra was growling nearly non-stop as she fought to keep her lips firmly wrapped around Adora and the vibrations from it made Adora's toes curl into the carpet.

She could happily cum like this, just release herself into Catra's eager mouth like she'd done plenty of times before, but she was suddenly starving for more. Catra's body was practically writhing on the floor, her hips jerking forwards repeatedly, and her thighs pressed firmly together. The sight of her girlfriend so fucking turned on from sucking her dick made Adora feel godsdamn invincible.

"Up," Adora ordered, not waiting for Catra to respond before she was leaning over and practically ripping the magicat's leggings off. Catra was too far gone for words or to be much help, and Adora practically had to pick her up to get the pants and underwear off her feet. She made quick work of both of their shirts too. "Come on," she growled, pulling her writhing girlfriend into the chair with her.

Adora pulled Catra forwards at the hips, pressing her down until Catra's dripping pussy was pressed against her abs. Immediately Catra started rubbing wantonly against against her, spreading her slick up down Adora's stomach. Her mouth found Adora's neck and she began pressing possessive needy kisses against her.

"Fuck you're so sexy," Adora groaned as she held firmly onto Catra's hips and watched her grind against her. Adora didn't need heightened senses to know even after multiple showers, she was going to smell like Catra for days.

"Mine," Catra growled out territorially as she made new marks to Adora's already colorful neck.

"All yours Kitten," Adora agreed. She loved feeling Catra move against her like this, but her dick was begging for relief.

It was difficult to push the writhing Catra back enough to enter her. Her girlfriend was nearly completely gone, operating on her most base instincts and desires, but Adora managed to grab her hips in a bruising grasp and lower her further down her body.

Her own hips were jerking violently upwards on their own volition and it was a frantic moment as she tried to hold Catra still enough that she could stroke up into her. "Hold still," she ordered, her blunt nails digging into Catra's hips demandingly. Catra let out a frustrated growl but stopped fighting against Adora. Adora grunted as she shifted their bodies, lined up, and slammed her dick hilt deep into her girlfriend.

Catra let out a guttural sound from deep in her chest and her claws raked through Adora's hair, pulling their foreheads together. "S-so good f-fuck Adora," she stuttered through clenched teeth as Adora began slamming up into her roughly.

Their eyes were wild and locked onto one another's. The room was filled with the thumping bass, the lewd wet sounds of their thighs slapping together, Adora's harsh ragged breathing, and a constant rumbling growl from Catra.

Every time she bottomed out in her lover Adora's heart skipped a beat. Catra's pussy was clenching around her cock almost in sync to the music and Adora felt like she would die if she couldn't get further into Catra. She wanted to live inside the woman in her lap.

Catra's head fell to Adora's shoulder and she began rambling out adoration and praise for Adora as she sucked, licked, and bit at Adora's neck repeatedly. "Fuck s-soooo fucking good. You fuck! You're f-fucking me so g-good Adora Fuck." Her body was becoming pliant above Adora, allowing the blonde to drill up at her own pace and pull Catra down on her like a toy.

The praise combined with a bite hard enough to draw blood at the juncture of her neck and shoulders had Adora howling. Adora was like a woman possessed as she heaved both of their bodies up and then down onto the floor. Catra began to scramble up when Adora pulled out of her but frantically got into position when Adora started to forcefully roll her over into her hands and knees.

This was Catra's preferred position to get fucked and Adora wasted no time before slamming back into her girlfriend. She leaned over Catra until her front was flush against the magicats silky back and braced herself on her right arm. Her left hand shot up to Catra's neck and her fingers dug in between her collar and fur.

"Fuck!" Catra howled as Adora began violently rocking against her, pushing her further to the floor each time. Catra's claws were fully extended, digging grooves into the carpet and scraping at the metal beneath it. "I love you," she growled out, giving up any control she had left and just letting Adora pound into her.

"Y-you're my, my fucking whole world," Adora managed to gasp out as she lurched above Catra. "I w-want to be inside you forever."

Catra trilled below her and her pussy began to clench so hard around Adora's cock it felt nearly impossible to pull out. She felt like Catra was sucking her into her. They were almost completely down on the carpet now, with most of Adora's weight fully on Catra.

"Mine," Catra growled desperately, her eyes were clenched shut and her body had begun to violently tremble. Her claws were locked several inches down into the floor beneath them.

"Yours. All yours. Everything I am is for you," Adora gasped out. Her heart was pounding so hard in her chest she felt like it was about to explode and her focus had completely narrowed to the feeling of Catra's pussy gripping her cock like a vice.

She could feel a scream building up in Catra's chest below her and Adora latched onto her shoulder with her teeth. She bit down hard and Catra's head snapped back as she screamed Adora's name and tipped over into her orgasm.

Adora's balls and upper thighs were drenched as Catra's pussy spasmed and squirted below her. The feeling of Catra's white hot release was it for Adora. She slammed down once, twice, a third time, and then her body went rigid as her own orgasm ripped through her. The blond's back arched and her head snapped back, eyes open and wide, her vision filled with porta literal stars as she emptied her balls deep into her girlfriend.

Below her Catra writhed and rubbed up into Adora, her pussy was milking Adora's dick for every last drop of cum it could. Adora felt dizzy from her violent release and she pressed them both down against the floor, barely managing to not rest completely atop Catra's petite frame.

They laid there together like that for a long while. Taking greedy breaths and shaking against each other. Adora was still buried deep inside Catra as the woman's pussy contracted around her. Finally when Adora started to come back to herself she eased out of her lover, chuckling lightly at the disgruntled whine Catra let out.

"Ssh baby," Adora cooed. She kept a hand on the small of Catra's back and stroked her fingers through the thick fur as she straightened up on her knees. Her back gave a satisfying crack at the stretch and she sighed looking down at Carta whose fingers were starting to dig into the floor rhythmically. Her hips were raised trying to get as close as possible to Adora's gently scratching hand. "Come on baby," Adora murmured softly as she picked Catra up.

Catra was practically boneless in her arms but Adora managed to get her knees locked around her waist and her arms over her shoulders before she hoisted both of them up off of the floor. She took a moment to get her bearings and wrapped an arm more securely under Catra's ass.

Catra had almost immediately started purring after Adora picked her up and now it was turning into a loud rumble as she nuzzled her face in Adora's neck and started to scent her. "Bed," she grumbled out against Adora's skin as her claws started to kneed the blond's shoulder.

Adora chuckled and gently butted her head against Catra's. "Yes bed time now," she whispered softly as she spared one last glance to the star filled windows in front of her before focusing on the task at hand.

By Adora's estimate she had about five to ten minutes to get Catra to the privacy of their cabin before the magicat would be forcefully holding Adora down regardless of where they were. Catra's after sex hormone driven instincts were always pretty strong and were Adora's absolute favorite moments to witness. She knew they'd be intense tonight with how hard they'd fucked and Catra still riding the high of that Chix-ekian herbal blend she'd smoked.

"Okay," she murmured taking stock of the situation. This was not her first naked Catra on the bridge rodeo. She knew there was no way she was going to be able to put Catra down long enough to get their clothes back on, the possibility didn't even cross her mind. Still, in an attempt at civility she toed their discarded clothing into a pile and mostly kicked it under her chair.

Adora took a few steps to Catra's chair and grabbed the large fluffy blanket folded up in it. "Hold tight baby," she whispered, waiting a second for Catra to tighten around her body before shaking out the blanket and wrapping it around their bodies.

She grimaced a little at the ten rivets cut into the floor at her feet. Double Trouble would have a field day with that. She shrugged because what could she really do about it now? Quickly she checked Darla's readings before heading off of the bridge. Out in the dim hallways of Darla she could just slightly make out the sounds of music and laughter and it made her smile impossibly wider as she tightened her grip around her purring girlfriend.

She had just reached their door when Entrapta swung around the corner laughing. She just managed to stop herself from running into them and snapped back. Hey smile was sweet as she observed them. "Hi Adora," she managed to whisper out despite her obvious excitement.

"Hi Entrapta," Adora giggled lightly, shifting Catra's weight to her other arm.

"I've noticed we have continued on at our current trajectory Adora," Entrapta whispered, her hair expressing her obvious delight with the way it rolled around her body.

"Indeed," Adora whispered and then smiled widely when Entrapta had to cover her mouth with her hair to keep her excited shriek down.

"Goodnight Adora," Entrapta whispered, and then leant towards Catra and whispered even quieter "goodnight Catra."

Gently Entrapta patted the area between Catra's ears with her hair, and Adora had to push down a delighted gasp when Catra's tail came up and curled around the end of the hair. Adora honestly felt like she could cry at the way Catra's tail intimately held onto Entrapta, swirling around her hair for a few seconds before dropping back down to tuck under the blanket. That gesture from Catra held more meaning than any hug could and it was clear from the happy smile on Entrapta's face that she understood that. The princess waved before barreling back the way she'd come from.

A sharp, pointed nip at her shoulder made Adora chuckle and she turned and walked them into their cabin. She shrugged off the blanket wrapped around them and headed into their little bathroom, Catra still in her arms.

In a clearly practiced routine she ran a washcloth under warm water and brought it up between them to wipe at the sticky mess between Catra's legs. Catra was starting to purr like a skiff motor now and rub her face in earnest against Adora's neck and shoulders.

Satisfied that Catra's fur wouldn't mat Adora headed back into their bedroom and turned out the lights. A light glow from the baseboards was all the light Adora needed to walk the few feet to their bed. She turned around and carefully lowered their bodies down, her muscles tensed to keep them from tipping back. They had picked up the unique bed a few planets ago after Catra had fallen in love with the design. It's sides raised up gradually creating a deep pocketed area in the middle. It was a little tricky to get in and out of, but being nested down in the middle with Catra was absolutely worth it.

After some practiced maneuvering Adora laid down and stretched out her legs, a deep sigh releasing from her chest as Catra wrapped her body around Adora's. A big goofy smile split Adora's face in half as Catra started to rumble on top of her. A moment later her kneading started back up and she began to lick gently at Adora's bruised and scraped neck.

Adora was absolutely blissed out with contentment as she buried her fingers into Catra's furr, one hand right above her tail, the other behind an ear, and started scratching. The rumbling and purring kicked up several notches and Catra began to lick at her skin in earnest.

She'd learned a lot in the last seven months, but the most important lesson had been figuring out all the ways Catra had been saying "I love you" since they were toddlers. She hadn't gotten it before the heart, hadn't thought it was possible because Catra had never said the words out loud. But every purr, nuzzle, and kneed Catra had let out just for Adora had said it for her. Adora was so fucking glad that circumstances aside, she'd finally gotten the chance to figure this out.

The room was absolutely silent but Adora could still feel the light soothing pulse of bass. They laid together for a long time as Catra's rough tongue laved over Adora's neck and upper torso. Adora kept up her diligent scratching, shifting whenever necessary to give Catra easy access to her body. The sounds coming out from Catra were honestly favorite sounds in the universe, a constant deep purr that was laid under a rumbling growl.

Catra was apparently satisfied with her grooming job because she started to settle against Adora, her purr has toned down into a lazy idle as she gently rubbed her scent glands against the splotchy skin of Adora's neck

"I love you so much," Catra murmured, shifting up to press gentle kisses against Adora's face. Her eyes blinked slowly.

"I love you too," Adorab breathed out before pulling Catra down to settle her head on Adora's chest. Adora kept gently stroking behind Catra's ears up until the moment sleep claimed her, warm and content, wrapped completely around her lover.

Darla cruised quietly through space for parts unknown.

[trashcatsnark]

I recently found you through all of your silverv posts (which are amazing by the way!) and I was wondering, how does Aidan handle not being able to hear Johnny in her head after they seperate and get him his own body (because yes it's canon, we don't accept any other endings here). I imagine it would be hard for her as she got used to not having to use her hearing aids to hear him.

Ahhhhhh!!!!! Thank you so much for enjoying my posts and also thank you so much for asking about my V, I often worry a lot I bring Aidan up too much in response to things because I have absolute brainrot for my oc babies. So, thank you so much for giving me excuse. 

But in regards to that; Aidan hates it and she hates that she hates it. For so much of her life, silence was her comfort. Despite all losing her hearing put her through when it comes to her Nomad “family”, it gifted her this way to shut the world out when it becomes too much. It gave her a wall she could always put up when she was tired of the world and the people in it. She didn’t have hearing aids for years following the loss of her hearing and the first time she was given them and put them in; she cried and ripped them out, because the world was too fucking loud. Even as she’s gotten use to them, she maintains them on low volume. The world has always had a mute button and volume control, which she likes. Her deafness isolated and othered her among her clan, but she learned to use it to grant herself peace as well. She prefers more often than not to be without them, nothing better after a long day of bullshit, to put the world on mute and to be left to her own silent little world. 

Then Johnny comes in and he gets through that, barges his way into her peace and destroys the silence of her little world. The one person she can’t mute and he’s also someone who never shuts up. And in the early stages, even past his initial...first impression, he is at times entirely too much. And it feels as if something has been taken from her (and tbf a lot has been taken from her) her peace, her tranquility, her little quiet world where she could just breathe and be is gone because this stupid yelling old man had to set up shop in her brain. 

But time goes on, communication gets better, relationship gets better, Johnny starts to grow, she starts to grow and he’s no longer an intruder in her little world but apart of it. It’s now their little word where only they exist, they only hear one another, only communicate with one another, just them, a world no one else can really intrude on. And that becomes her new sense of peace and comfort, Johnny does (Though she’d never word it that way, cause it sounds needy and dependent and lovey dovey, but he’s become her comfort and peace) 

And then everything changes, as it so often does, and woohoo everything’s fixed, but now Johnny’s voice is something she can’t hear no matter what anymore.  And she hates it so much, because now she’s forced to hear everything else always if she also wants to hear Johnny and she always wants to hear Johnny. Now that she wants to hear him, no matter what, she can’t. It hardly seems fair. And she hates how needy and desperate and clingy it sounds, but god the world doesn’t feel right when she can’t hear him. The first time he talks to her afterwards and she has hearing aids out, she realizes she can’t hear him, she nearly wants to cry. She always wore her “weakness” like armor, used it to protect herself after others used it to hurt her, used the barrier it provided to stay safe; but she doesn’t want that between her and Johnny, she doesn’t need it with Johnny. 

For a long long while, she’ll be wearing her hearing aids more than she ever did before. Because she doesn’t wanna miss out on hearing him, doesn’t want to ever be without his voice. Once upon a time she yoinked them out as soon as she got home, but now she’s falling asleep with them in, because she wants to listen to him as she drifts off. But, hearing aids aren’t comfortable to wear 24/7, they can itch and irritate after so long and rub the skin raw. And she’ll try to pretend like that isn’t happening, because she knows she’ll be nagged about taking them out for a while. But, Johnny lived in her head, he knows what’s happening, catches her rubbing and itching at her ears more, starts to see them getting redder. And he’s telling her gently, you need to take them out and she’ll pout even though she knows he’s right. So, she starts to limit her time using them as much as she hates being without his voice...being without any part of him really. 

If she’s truly frustrated and desperate and upset, she may even entertain the idea of getting cochlear implants, something she was always sternly against. And Johnny does his best not to get mad when he learns that because he knows it’ll be her choice at the end of the day, but if she only is thinking of it because of him, that’s not right and a huge thing to do because spoiler alert, you’ll be taking away your volume control and mute button. And Johnny knows what happens when she gets overwhelmed and overstimulated by noise, he doesn’t want her putting herself through that daily just to hear him. 

And like with anything it takes time to adjust and grow used to it. Growing pains of both her and Johnny completing forgetting she can’t hear him without them. So, he’ll talk about something extensively or call her name or start to kind of sing a new tune that just popped in his head and be like “why is she ignoring me? did I do something wrong? did i forget something? did I fuck up?” and then see her hearing aids on the bed side table and be like “oh thank fuck, i thought I was in trouble.” Or because she sometimes even spoke out loud to him as an engram, she’ll start a conversation or ask him something, not hear the answer and be like “oh...right...” 

And eventually can accept, well maybe without her hearing aids she can’t hear him but she can hold him, feel him, lay her head on his chest and feel the rise and fall of his breaths, if he hums while she’s like that she can feel the reverberation and vibration of it in her chest, when she lays on him she can feel it when he talks even if she can’t hear it (sometimes she wonders if he just makes up nonsense to say or what he may say in those moments since he knows she wont hear, he never explains and she’s still deciding if she wants to hide a recorder somewhere in the apartment to find out later) She slowly becomes comforted and okay with the fact that while she doesn’t have him the way she did before, she does have him and that alone is more than enough. 

I also like the idea that there’s bleed over between Johnny and V following separation, things that stuck from the other person. Because, you can’t fuse, be separated and it be a clean perfect divide. You can’t blend red and blue then be surprised when you get purple. They leave traces of one another behind. And with my V, I like the idea that Johnny ends up with some sign language knowledge. Not fluent afterwards but she’ll catch him absent mindedly throwing an asl sign in with his usual hand gestures, which he didn’t even know he knew. And from there, he takes to actually learning it fully because while lip reading tech is way better in 2077, its still not always perfect and he knows her well enough to know how much she just appreciates people making that effort for her. He’s never quite perfect at it, because he has a habit of talking with his hands already and using a lot of hand gestures, so sometimes he’s trying to sign but instinctively does his own little hand motion. Hand talking is a habit he can’t really break and, quite frankly, Aidan doesn’t expect nor want him too. She still understands it fine, because after being brain roomates she understands him in most situations,  and affectionately calls it Johnny Sign Language. 

Eventually, its just normal life and she’s not even afraid to use it to joke around and be a shit head, or avoid his nagging at times, because how could she not. 

Johnny: So-

Aidan: Wait, is this about Arasaka, again?

Johnny: Yeah, but-

Aidan: *pulls out hearing aids while maintaining direct eye contact*

Though even so far into it, there will be real bad days, just days where her brain is not kind to her, where she’s struggling with the weight of all she’s endured, when she just needs all of him; needs to hear and feel him, needs to feel like he’s all hers again, like they’re in their own world and nothing else matters, a bubble where only he exists to her, so she’ll insist on wearing her hearing aids to bed, laying on his chest, volume on low so she can only really hear him, and having him talk to her about anything and everything, and once she’s fallen asleep he has to gently take them out and lay them on the bed side table for her. 

Also also, I didn’t get as into it, because this is already long as fucccck because i could talk about my ocs for actual years, but I also think Johnny struggles with feeling less special when suddenly she needs hearing aids to hear him. Because he kind of being the possessive man he is liked that there were times when he was all she could hear and that meant all the focus was on him. And now he’s just another person she can shut out if she chooses to do so. 

oKAY SHUTTING UP NOW AND THANKS SO MUCH FOR LETTING ME SCREAM FOR THREE YEARS

[suknas]

First Line Tag Game II

Tagged by @ruluxe (who dared to say that I have fanfics that I'm "holdin out on us" -- it is true tho lol)

Rules: List the first lines of your last 20 stories (if you have less than 20, just list them all!). See if there are any patterns. Choose your favorite opening lines then tag 10 of your favorite authors.

Tagging: Everyone who wants to do this! (I'm not sure which authors are still active here ;-;)

Now we all know how inconsistent I am. But I do like starting with what's going on with the characters/where they are... Don't I? Well I decided to start with the most recent published ones, descending to the first ones published (skipping some), and finally some of my WIP/"One day I will finish" fanfics.

Quick fun fact: I didn't remember writing most of those fanfics lol

So here we go!!!! (it's gonna be a bumpy ride)

1. Into the Storm [GrimmIchi]: The lightning and thundering's brightness and strong noises were slicing the dark-blue sky of a lonely and sleepless night. A storm was coming. The heavy rain and gusts of wind were not the only thing rapidly creeping through the night. Kurosaki Ichigo could sense something else approaching along with the dark clouds and the pouring rain that now was hitting his window. [2021 (but the draft was from 2017 maybe), Bleach]

2. Ascension [AoKaga]: Light appeared in the darkness and soon darkness became insignificant before the beauty and immensity of the bright light surrounding a tall and masculine figure. He walked calmly through the uncertain route that many others once also stepped into it. He had a goal. The time to seek the one whom he had once shared many memories with, good and bad. The one person whom he had loved immensely but had never gotten to experience that feeling truly and at its fullest. The time had finally come. [2021 (again the draft was probably from 2016), Kuroko no Basket]

3. The One Where Prompto Does Not Want To Be In The Middle [Gladios x Prompto x Noctis x Ignis]: Sleeping in the camping tent was always a challenge in Prompto’s opinion. It is not as if he does not like camping, it was pretty nice being able to sit under the stars and gaze them, it was relaxing. Sometimes Noctis would sit behind him, embracing him in a warm hug. They would spend a long time chatting and exchanging affectionate touches until both of them felt like sleeping. Other times Gladio would join him, and the shield would let the blond lay his head on his lap. More often than not Prompto ended up sleeping while feeling his hair being played by dexterous and caring fingers. And whenever Ignis had time to spare, he would also join him after cleaning the mess they did during dinner. [2020 (again the draft was maybe from 2017), Final Fantasy XV]

4. The Owl Who Got Caught [KuroTsuki + Bokuto]: The third day of the training camp was finally over. Soon, everybody was running to the school cafeteria to grab something to eat. In the meantime, while nobody was looking, Kuroo took the opportunity to take Tsukishima’s hand, guiding him to the room that the Nekoma team was sharing; closing the door right after they entered. Nekoma and Karasuno’s middle blockers became closer ever since their first practice game, now they were spending more time together, and their relationship had an unexpected development. [2020 (draft probably from 2017), Haikyuu]

5. A Boyfriend Text [KuroTsuki]: Laying in his bed with a smile on the lips Kuroo was texting his sweet strawberry shortcake boyfriend. Eyes rapt, staring at the bright screen in the dark room; he was feeling anxious if his stupid smile and trembling fingers were any indicator.

TETSUROU: Wanna come over this weekend?

It had been some weeks since they had the opportunity to meet; school and volleyball practice were mostly the reason for their inevitable long separation. Week after week something "magically" came up in their agendas, but Kuroo was hopeful, however, that maybe this time their schedules would finally allow them to meet. [2020, Haikyuu]

6. Domestic Bliss [KiriBaku]: Sitting comfortably on the couch, Kirishima and Bakugou were finally spending some time together after a rough week. It was one of those rare days where both could enjoy a peaceful and uneventful afternoon. To say that both men were lazily on the couch doing absolutely nothing productive was not very accurate. Bakugou was doing something with his spear time, he was reading a book. By his focused attention on the pages, anyone could tell that he was enjoying his reading and only someone stupid would dare to bother him. [2017, Boku no Hero Academia]

7. Getting Together [KiriBaku]: “Let’s grab something to eat!” The blonde shouted after stretching his arms above his head. Bakugou’s red eyes fixed on the figure of Kirishima, who was sitting comfortably in bed with his back against the headboard.The redhead’s own red eyes snapped at the figure on the chair, eyeing him from head to toe; he spaced out in no second. Kirishima wanted to touch those damn nice muscled arms, which were slowly lowered down while his hands were placed on his toned thighs. Kirishima couldn’t help himself and started to imagine Bakugou’s whole body underneath him wrapping his body with those strong legs and arms. [2017, Boku no Hero Academia]

8. AoKaga short stories collection [AoKaga]: The atmosphere of the place was hot and heavy. However, because of that, the two teens lying down on the bed were more connected than ever. Their bare bodies were united white skin with dark skin. Their breaths were out of rhythm and their hands slid skillfully on each other’s bodies. The movements were synchronized and intense. The pleasurable moans and whispers echoed in the dark room, making the place even more delightful for both of them. [2017 - Short Story #4, Kuroko no Basket]

9. It's Picture Time! [Pomptis]: In the Regalia, Prompto and Ignis were heading to the nearest outpost from their camping spot to get some supplies for the night. The sun on the horizon was almost hiding behind the tree path by Prompto’s right side, the scenery formed by dim light and shadowy dark spots caught Prompto’s eyes.“Wow! Look at the light, it’s amazing!” the blond shouted, “Can’t we stop just for a bit?” Prompto was thrilled by the idea of adding more photos to his portfolio. [2017, Final Fantasy XV]

10. That Side of You [MiSawa]: Miyuki was laying in the bed on his back, eyes glassy, hands shaking and skin hot. The body above his was driving him to a place where it was absolute bliss and pleasure. Hips moved together, swinging with movements that were making Miyuki moans the pitcher’s name in a short and breathless tone.“Sa-wamura– Aah! Do that again,” his voice low and hoarse made the order sound weak, and his usual snarky tone was lost a long time ago in some part of his foggy mind. [2016, Diamond no Ace]

11. Runaround [Sterek]: Everything was set neatly on the kitchen table. Stiles was going to be there soon, so Derek had already prepared every single book and even snacks that they may need for their studying.It wasn't new that both of them were hanging out for studying matters. Actually, Derek had come up with the idea first, mainly because he was having some issues involving fast heartbeats and some inconvenient hard-ons whenever Stiles was around. He had a ridiculous crush on his friend. However, the smart geek boy didn't have to know about that. [2016, Teen Wolf]

12. Eavesdropping [MiSawa]: Sawamura’s suspicions must be right for his sake. Otherwise, Miyuki would make sure his so careless kouhai would pay a high price for being so noisy about Kuramochi and Ryou-senpai making out when no one was seeing. The closed and almost claustrophobic locker didn’t have enough space to move around, but he and Sawamura managed to fit in somehow. So what? They were eavesdropping, and he still couldn’t say that he was regretting this. [2016, Diamond no Ace]

13. Sterek Short Stories Collection [Sterek]: Stiles had broken up with his last boyfriend a couple of months ago. Or it was what he usually says to Scott when his best friend asks him why he isn’t over his past relationship. Because according to Scott, it’s been a year and a half since Stiles had parted ways with, at the time, his other half. And right now it was one of those times.“You should move on. I haven't seen you with no one since then. What about Danny? Last night I saw him flirting with you, and when I looked again you were nowhere to be found, but Danny was still there drinking alone. And let not forget your grumpy humor because your sex life sucks. It's getting old bro.” [2015 - Short Story #3, Teen Wolf]

14. Urge [AoKaga]: The small public bathroom stall in that bar hadn't been made for sure to accommodate two giants, dumbasses, and impulsive basketball players. Nevertheless, this fact wasn’t that important for the Too player neither to the Seirin player. Kagami was already pressing his body against Aomine’s, who was stuck between the wall and Kagami while his mouth was being devoured by the other’s tongue. Both were fighting into that kiss as if there was no tomorrow. Their hands were traveling quickly by each other’s body, and quickly they were undoing their pants’ zippers and buttons. Their shirts were all messy, as well as their hair. Their breaths were heavy, and the kisses now were directed to their necks, sucking and biting the skin exposed. Soft moans could be heard, but not loud enough to echo in the bathroom. [2013, Kuroko no Basket]

15. After Dancing Lessons [AoKaga]: The music was set up, and his hips started to move, his steps were guiding him to where a dark skinned guy was sat on a chair. The dancer's eyes were fixed in front of him. The watcher's eyes sparkled with excitement when the other sat on his lap, one leg on each side of his body, and kissed his cheeks along to his lips and chin, returning the same way till his ear, biting there slightly. The dancer felt the other hands trying to take his clothes off and immediately stood up, preventing to have those hands on his body so easily. [2013, Kuroko no Basket]

16. Sleep Well [ZoSan]: The night was agitated on board of the Sunny and lots of dirty dishes were pilled up on a corner of the sink. Sanji didn't have this time someone to help him to clean everything up. 'Those lazy bastards!' He frowned, 'all right! Let’s put all these things in their right place!' And with that thought, Sanji started the tiring process of doing all the dishes. On the bright side, if he was the one doing it everything would be spot on in no time. [2013, One Piece]

17. Possessive Lover [KidLaw / LawLu]: The bell indicating the change of periods rang and the students gradually began to leave one room to proceed to another. In the middle of changing classrooms, some students went to a quick trip to the bathroom, which was where that a spiky redhead boy was heading to. He had a dangerous gaze gleaming in his golden eyes; he had quite a threatening presence, and his looks did not lie about his fiery and explosive personality. Any sane person would prefer to avoid crossing paths with him or to even look the boy in the eyes. [2012, One Piece]

18. English Lesson [WIP, AoKaga]: The room was a mess. There were a lot of magazines, books, sheets, some snacks, three soda bottles, two hoodies and two pairs of sneakers all thrown on the floor. Sitting side by side, in front of the center table with notebooks and pens in hands were Kagami and Aomine. They had that idea of starting to study at each other’s places every Thursday night after their club activities. It was not like they liked to take a book, read it and think about the subject, the matter here was way bigger than just casual study. Their grades were in the red mark, which meant that they needed to rise them at least not to get scolded and taken off the basketball team. This time around Kagami was helping Aomine with his English study. The redhead was doing his best to try to explain, but he wasn’t that good at teaching those so detailed grammatical things… [unknown year - present, Kuroko no Basket]

19. High heels [WIP, KuroTsuki]: Tsukishima walked all proud on a black suit, white button-up shirt, grey tie and black stilettos in the room. Kuroo was watching his slow movements with a fierce look from the bed, where he was sat with his hands tied to the headboard by a soft cloth. Tsukishima stopped at the bed foot, looking straight at Kuroo. Ever so slowly, Tsukishima’s hands loosened the tie around his neck, the button-up shirt was having his buttons calmly undone, soon the shirt was wide open reviling Tsukishima's snow-white skin for Kuroo’s delight. [unknown year - present, Haikyuu]

20. Christmas thing / The untitled fanfic [WIP, AoKaga]: It was Christmas the snow was falling outside, many sparkle lights, so many decorations everywhere, people receiving and giving presents, eating together and singing songs. A day to celebrate and stay with family and friends. A day full of joy and happiness.At Kagami's house every single tradition was made. Kagami invited the Seirin basketball team to celebrate, but it ended up with some unexpected guests, the self-invited guests were some of Touou basketball team. And of course, Aomine Daiki was there. The redhead didn't even want to know how Aomine had found out about his little party. He'd bet that Kuroko had told something to Momoi and she kindly invited Aomine and the rest of the troupe. [unknown year - present, Kuroko no Basket]

[shuturxface]

Quarantine has, completely out of no where, compelled me to re-read The Life and Times. I finished three days ago and yes I’m still crying. BUT! to get my emotions out I wrote something of a “review”. It’s really just my thoughts about everything. No one asked but I’m posting it anyway. 

Please enjoy, it’s below. Be warned, there are *spoilers*: 

Thoughts and Musings:

I don’t particularly know why I’ve been so affected by The Life and Times this go around. I’ve always loved it, but I don’t think I’ve ever cried when Alice Griffiths (now Longbottom) tells Lily that she’s spontaneously marrying Frank Longbottom. And I also don’t think that I’ve ever felt more than fondness towards Marlene Price and Adam Mckinnon. And, I’ve always disliked Carlotta Meloni (especially during the summer and 7thyear), but I never actually hated her character. All until now. The first time I read The Life and Times, I really, really enjoyed it and appreciated the characters and the plot and the realism– like, come on, of course they’re not going to make out in the middle of an escape! However, I was, admittedly, disappointed with the lack of James/Lily action. Not that it was scarce, there certainly was a lot! But this time around, I finally realized why Jewels wrote it in that way. Lily disliked James – possibly resented him – for five years, and more strongly much more recently (I expect her unsavory opinions of him were most prominent during 5thyear, what with his excessive exclamations of “go on a date with me, Evans”). Of course, it’s going to take more than a few weeks to erase that! And it’s not like it could take less time, because, realistically, why would Lily want to spend that much more time with James if she wasn’t fond of him, and if they kept fighting. Honestly, their development as friends is much more interesting, and it shows an in-depth thought processes of fleshing out the characters. I am thoroughly moved by the fact that it doesn’t happen over-night or within a few days.

I’ve also read complaints about how James Potter is acting disinterested in Lily. To them I say: did you even read the goddamnstory?! Did you pass over the parts where he watches her when she’s not looking, and the parts where he is upset with himself for how strongly he feels about her?! If James Potter is anything, he is not an idiot (however idiotic he may act sometimes). From what the (actual HP) books show, James was interested in Lily and kept asking her out in their 5thyear. If I recall correctly, it was implied that he may have done so years prior. It is also stated, by Sirius Black, that they got together in 7thyear. Once again, that transformation from enemies to lovers is not going to happen overnight, and is definitely not going to happen if James Potter kept overtly obsessing over her in 6thyear. Also (!) there is a perfectly reasonable explanation Jewels gives us for why he acted this way: he wanted to get over her. Not only does this prove that he liked her deeply, not just superficially, but also that he got the message. He would have been truly, very thick had he not.

But back to the matter at hand. For some reason, this time around (I don’t remember, possibly third), I’ve been thoroughly engrossed and cried at different intervals of the story more so than before. I sobbed at the end of chapter 30, “The Worst Day Ever” in which it followed each character (Carlotta, Marlene, Donna, Mary, and Lily) on September 1st. I cried terribly during the last two chapters with the attack on the M.F.P. conference – the tension and the unknowing, and worst of all, the death of Sam Dearborn. Quickly, a word about Sam. Somehow, through so few chapters, Jewels created such a lovable character (limited in “screen time”) that his death (and Lily and James’ reaction to it) caused me to cry on multiple occasions. Jewels was able to capture the anguish of her characters so well, that for a moment I forgot it was a story at all and felt it myself. I cried when Sirius Black told Lily Evans that she “fit” with the Marauders, after she asked him why he was so sure she and James belonged together. I have absolutely no idea how she managed to utterly take me apart in the span of 3 days and 36 chapters, but no fanfiction has been able to do that.

I am fully in awe of what Jewels has created – The Life and Times is a work of art, capturing the 1970s in the Wizarding World perfectly. Would I like to see how each James and Lily, how Adam and Marlene, Mary and Reginald get together? No, I would love it. Am I still curious of how on earth all those 87 wizards and witches were murdered at the Magic For Peace convention, leaving no survivors? No, I’m haunted by it. And while there are parts that are frustrating to read (some sexist and misogynistic parts, especially from a few Ravenclaws are particularly uncomfortable), I also think she delivers an accurate representation of the 70s, which were much less politically correct that the world is today. She is not even encouraging this behavior because it’s all made by unlikeable “villainous” characters – not particularly evil, but definitely malicious.

Because Jewels created this story so magnificently, only she knew where it was headed and how it would play out. She wrote it so uniquely, using quick dialogue that made me feel that I was actually there. Phrasing her syntax in such a way that her descriptions were musical and poetic and completely relatable. Her chapter structures kept me on my toes, each one with its own unique flavor, yet all of them unified, flowing from one to the other perfectly.

Not only that, she created characters with strong, redeeming qualities as well as true, trying weaknesses. Lily Evans: she created Lily to be a kind individual that always sought to see the good in others, as J.K. Rowling told us she was. But she also made Lily imaginative and contemplative and romantic and strong, and, yes, sorrowful, fearful, angry, and (most importantly, if you ask me) not willing to discuss her real feelings with anyone, thus slightly hypocritical. James Potter: Jewels created James to be loyal, clever, more-than-slightly arrogant, humorous, brave, and even compassionate. But she also made him brooding, impulsive, hot headed, and many times, a prick. I could go on, but the main point is this: Jewels created complex characters. She didn’t make a wondrous, unfailingly kind Lily (if she were, why did she and James butt heads so viciously?), or a comical, lovesick James, a cheeky, brazen Sirius, a quiet, sentimental Remus, a quivering Pettigrew, or a moody, jealous Snape (yes, even he had more to him than this – drive and hunger to prove himself). Jewels created characters with depth! Characters that made mistakes and don’t just immediately learn from them. Hell, she made teenage characters in a fanfiction that didn’t ultimately think with their primary sex organ – characters that were able to see that there were more important things happening besides who’s shagging who. Of course, there were characters that were interested in this, but they’re not the type of people that would go to a protest at the Ministry of Magic (and, obviously, this just strengthens the certainty that James and Lily truly belong together). Essentially, Jewels created characters that are sometimes hard to like. She showed us real emotions and feelings and struggles like a proper novel. She went further than an exploration of two people’s love life and gave contextual reasons to their coming together, and why their relationship was so important in the greater scheme of Harry Potter. She created multiple storylines, intricately woven together, incorporating briefly mentioned characters in the Harry Potter series and giving them backstory and personalities. Jewels created a world within J.K. Rowling’s universe with complex political turmoil.

I fully and strongly admire the work and dedication that Jewels put into The Life and Times. I feel that it’s wishful thinking that she might return to this story after all these years (has it really been seven already?!), but I can’t help but wish all the same. I do understand because life does have a habit of getting in the way and people move on. I’m truly grateful for Jewels and what she gave to the world. No other fanfiction will ever evoke the feelings that The Life and Times does. No matter the emotional strife this story gives me, I will always be grateful, and it will always be my favorite. Thank you, Jewels.

[kandadiff]

Runnin' with the Devil 1

-

You watched your husband from your place on the couch and pulled your legs into your body in an attempt to warm them, your mind wandering to just a year ago. Where you were in the warm arms of Jay Park, spoiled with champagne and as much sweet things as you could fill yourself with. But now . 'Nothing like how it used to be,' You thought. You missed Jay, he made you laugh, not that you did much of that these days. How could you? When you were in the same house with your biggest enemy?

Your eyes wandered over to the massive ring that stood out on your finger, making your hand look even smaller then it already was. The huge diamond complimented by the other diamonds that rounded the rock, gold encasing their holding and a small red dragon engraved within the main diamond. It was no mistake what this ring truly symbolized. You belonged to him now, The Red Dragons and the Kwon Family.

Your mind floated to when the Red Dragon rescued you from the Brotherhood. You were with Jay on his arm at one of his lavish parties that he threw every year to keep the peace between the families that ran the state. Except instead of the night being filled with the sound of laughter from to much drinks and music from the DJ, it was swollen with blood and gun shots. At first it was Jay that grabbed you when he heard the first gun shot ring out into the air made by some hired man. He pushed you to his second in command, Jackson, and you were with Jackson for a long time until a bullet went through his chest and your face became streaked red. Another Brotherhood member, Chan Bang, grabbed you and seemed to bring you toward the masked intruders who in shock all you could do was watch as they shot down people like it was a sport. Most of them laughing as they did so. You fought against Chan, but maybe it was the excessive alcohol your drank that made you unable to get out of his iron grip or the fear of being next. One of Chan's close friends, Hyungjin brought Min and Suzy, a short bubbly girl and a baby faced angel of a girl who were dating another brotherhood member, and you watched as the masked man shoot both of them point blank as they begged for there life before he pointed the gun at you.

yA pop rang out in the air and instead of you going into the pile of bodies with Min and Suzy, it was the masked man. POP! Another one shot down Chan, you came loose from his grip as he fell into the piles. However before you could run the shooter grabbed you. "Let's go!" his voice was rough but his touch was gentle yet urgent. He led you through the ballroom avoiding the gunshots with skill, as though he was trained for this his entire life. You knew who he was, everyone did. Jiyong Kwon, son of YoungHwan Kwon leader of the Red Dragon's and next to take over. Once you were outside he rushed you into a car and drove as fast as he can while cops sped past him heading to the bloody scene which would later be called THE BALLROOM MASSACRE.

He brought you back to his lavish penthouse and brought a doctor (thats how you reconnected with me) to check on you and him. Physically, you were unhurt minus a few scratches but mentally- you were not. He suggested you stay with him for a few days until everything cooled down. And during that time, the news of the event, soiled your mind more and more everyday as more and more bodies were counted as dead. People you knew, people who you laughed with, cried with, loved. Gone. No news of what happened to Jay - you presumed he was dead. Only seeing Jackson on the TV, beat up and on crutches. Through all that Jiyong was there for you, one drunken night bringing you close, spilling secrets to each other with the only witness the fire that burned in the fireplace as you drank. Those few days turned into months and soon you found yourself in love with the man especially when he drafted another peace treaty with the other mafia families and excited those who killed at the Ballroom Massacre.

Which is how you ended up with two children babbling upstairs. You aren't sure how you became pregnant - not at first at least. You were careful or at least you thought you were. You used condoms, even had an IUD. But one day you were feeling nauseous and bloated and tender and he suggested going to the doctor. He made me come to the house and take blood, a few minutes later you found you were pregnant. And though Jiyong tried to hide it, we argued or were cold with each other every time we saw each other. 7 months later you gave birth to Anastasia Min-Lee Kwon and Apollo Taehyun Kwon and you were married at a huge ceremony in the city that was more protected then the royal family. But like all good things, that too must come to an end and thats when your life, which seemed to be going to well fell apart in your hands.

"About" stomach turned as you thought about that day only a week and a half ago. You sat in my house, a smaller less extravagant house then yours however the garden that surrounded it was a perfect place to sit. A gazebo gifted to us by Jiyong after I helped you after the massacre, is where we sat. Eating at the small table watching while, Marceline and Salem played with the babies, your nannies enjoying that they are getting a quick break in this picturesque area.

You smiled hearing the sound of your babies laughing, happy to hear it without your father in law interrupting the noise, you were about to comment on it when I interrupted your thoughts. "I wish I could have protected them better." Your eyebrow raised at the serious of my tone but before you could ask I spoke again "with Marcie mostly," I clarified "Salem - he doesn't know all that Marceline knows." I hadn't really gotten into what happened in the past before I showed up back in this town. But I left with a man named Negan and came back with a little girl and a friendship with Mr. YoungHwan Kwon and a body guard only known to you as Suga.

You weren't sure what to say so you said "We do all we can, you know. You're a good mother." You looked at me concerned seeing something clearly on my mind. "Whats wrong?"

"I'm sorry, adi." Confused you just looked at me waiting for me to explain. "I wished I could have protected you too."

Your mind flicked to the bloody mess of that night and you shook your head, in an attempt to stop thinking about it. "You couldn't have known, you weren't even there."

"I wished that I could have protected you from Jiyong," I said and your mind swirled in even more confusion. "I should have warned you when he took you from Jay. But I didn't want to believe he would do that- I was so stupid. Yoongi told me but I didn't believe him. Then when you got pregnant- Yoongi and me were trying to have Sunday. He was so happy when he first held him, I don't think ive ever seen him happier. The smile didn't leave his face for weeks and even now every time he speaks about the kids his face still lights up the same way it did all those years ago. He even tattooed there names on his chest, that was the first thing he did out of the hospital. I saw the same thing in Taeyang when he had his son, and in Bom and her husband; just pure unfiltered joy." You raised an eyebrow about to ask what that had to do with anything when I looked at you. "When I Jiyong told me you were pregnant, that look - wasn't there. It was something else; something darker, like he had just accomplished his master plan. Then I remembered you told me you had an IUD and you wore condoms. So after I took your blood, I went into your bedroom and searched until I found the condoms and went to the sink. I filled all of them with water and each one had holes in it. I told Yoongi about it and he questioned the other doctor on Jiyong's payroll - after about an hour with Yoongi he admitted to drugging your wine and taking it out."

Your heart sunk, no, your husband wouldn't do that to you. I was mistaken - it had to be some kind of joke. You shook your head but I nodded.

"Its true." I said "and he found out I knew, thats when you caught us arguing. He knew after getting you knocked up, you'd marry him. He pretended he was the perfect husband so why wouldn't you?" You looked down at your ring instantly feeling nauseous.

"Why didn't you say something?!" you shouted bitterly catching the attention of the nannies. I waved at them to continue and told you to stay quiet. "Why should I?!"

"Because he's listening." I said motioning to the ladies. One of them carried a small device pinned to her chest, it was supposed to be just a pin but I knew what they were. A little transmitter like Negan used to use.

You're heart beat fast in your chest and you forced yourself to be quieter. "why didn't you tell me?" I motioned once again to the kids. "Oh please, Jiyong wouldn't kill kids." I sighed and unfolded a small series of pictures. There you saw pictures - candid shots of mine and Yoongi's small family, shopping, eating, taking them to school along with a phone number written in Jiyong's district handwriting along with the words 'Keep my secret and ill keep yours'. "What does this mean? who's phone number is this?"

"Negan's." I said simply and before you can ask why can't he know I stopped you. "I didn't just leave Negan. I escaped from him, he wouldn't let me leave and he killed everyone who tried to help me or talk to me. His entire fucking compound is decorated with the body parts of people I used to be friends with. He wanted me to rely on him and only him. He wouldn't even let me out with Marcie without him. When I left he told me he'd kill Marceline in front of me if I didn't come back to him. For the next week he killed a woman every single day, just cause they sort of looked like me. The day I got out of that town he killed a woman and her son because he thought it was me and Marcie in disguise, the little boy was only 4 years old and he shot him in front of his mother and strung her up on a tree in the park. Imagine what he would do to them" I looked at the laughing children, "or Yoongi, I know if I ever see Negan again I'm dead but I'm not going to let him find out about anyone else."

For a while you were silent, sitting in the news that shattered your view of your once perfect family. "Why now?" You asked after a while.

"We're leaving - it's the only safe option and I want you to come with us. Take your children and come with us. You aren't safe there." I said and you let out a shaky sigh "Yoongi is the best at disappearing; we'll be untraceable." You heard the nannies in the distance telling the kids its time to go inside and I stood up. You eyes wandered to the children running towards you while the nannies, wheeled the baby carriages over towards us.

"Mommy!" Marceline shouted holding up a handful of flowers "Look!" The nannies approached at a quick speed, to quick for your liking; if you were going to meet me, how were your going to know where?

"Look like its time to go Mrs. Kwon" one of them said to you "Mr. Kwon is calling."

"Good;" I smiled acting as though I didn't drop that bomb on you. "Have a good trip home," I lifted your twins out of there carriage and kissed each on the cheek. "say goodbye to your aunt." My children wrapped there small arms around your legs shoving flowers into your hands and pockets, causing you to laugh and hug each of them. I hugged you tight and picked up a flower that fell from your pocket and put it in your hand where you felt the soft piece of paper wrapped smoothly around the stem. "I hope to see you soon."

Now a week and a half later you still had the piece of paper buried in the small flap under the felt of your jewelry box watching as Jiyong laughed with TOP at a show they were both watching wondering how your life got so fucked up.

-

[boyneriver-fraser]

Ho! The house! 🗣

When I grow up, I want a personalized guided tour of the Big House on Fraser’s Ridge

The moment the last tenant hangs up his tool belt, I want to walk back and forth through that breezeway. Peek into every cupboard. Climb every stair. Rootle through every cubbyhole. Jump on every bed. There is so much to see, and touch, and smell… and I want to DO IT ALL!

Thoughts & Observations: S5E3 Free Will

Marsali is already proving to be the perfect apprentice. She’s motivated, inquisitive, intelligent, detail-oriented, logical, and curious about all sorts of new-fangled ideas and things there in Boston. Just wait till she tastes those cream pies.

Claire’s voiceover almost needs a Dun Dun Dun… soundtrack. Let’s hope she dares history with caution, and the copy of Dr. Rawlings’ Recommendations Fergus delivers to the printer doesn’t include scrawls and doodles of anything too new-fangled.

Really like the Jamie Payne (director) – Luke Schelhass (writer) combo! 😃

No doubt many people echoed Jamie’s Deo gratius when they realized we were being treated to a JamieClaire-centric episode. It worked well for me, but so did Between Two Fires. I find each of Jamie and Claire compelling on their own, pursing their individual interests and causes. I also like seeing their relationships with other characters. Call me kooky.

Callback #1: This one takes place in a kind of Upside Down. Remember S4E5 Savages, when Jamie returned to the Ridge from Woolam’s Creek, happy after discovering #MurtaghSaved? A shotgun-armed Claire was unable to sleep after the tragedies of Petronella’s and her baby’s measle deaths and Adawehi’s murder.

In Free Will, Jamie returns to the Ridge from Hillsborough, stunned by the Regulators’ tarring and feathering and by Lieutenant Knox’s murdering Ethan MacKinnon, and anxious about needing to form a militia. Despite missing Jamie while he’s away, Claire’s work on the Ridge and interaction with her children and grandchildren satisfies her and allows her to sleep soundly.

Fergus takes a mean shorthand! 🖌

We hear the first of many “Roger Mac(s)” to come.

“We’ll be taking yer whisky with us to share with the men. The finest I’ve tasted since leaving Scotland.” Fergus Claudel Fraser: Official Distiller of Fraser’s Ridge (I love this adaptation! I don’t think I mentioned in my The Fiery Cross episode review how much I loved Jamie’s calling Fergus to stand by his hand. Fergus, like Young Ian, is a man of worth.)

⚠️ Murtz Alert ⚠️ Oops… False alarm… 🙁 Fraser’s Ridge workforce includes a lot of silver-haired, ponytail-wearing tenants. 🤷🏻‍♀️

“Mr. Trouble” 😂 Too bad wee Robin Scott, who plays Germain, would be too young to attend most of the cast’s social outings. He would be the life of the party. 🎉

Does Marsali need Brianna’s help with reading because medical books are advanced academics and Brianna holds a degree from M.I.T, or because Laoghaire dropped the ball and didn’t educate her daughters? It’s safe to say Laoghaire didn’t encourage them to read anything that sat on a witch’s bookshelf.

Callback #2: The JamieClaire-on-horseback-led convoy’s leaving Fraser’s Ridge took me back to S2E8 The Fox’s Lair and E9 Je Suis Prest. Did you notice the pecking order? 1: Colonel & Physician. 2: Captain. 3: Official Distiller. Priorities are important, during times of peace and of war.

So… Stephen Bonnet’s free from incarceration, and recently sighted in Wilmington? How far is Wilmington from Fraser’s Ridge? Does it matter almost every fit and young man, almost every weapon, and the only doctor are on the road to Brownsville, while Bonnet’s purported child and the child’s mother are back with the not-so-fit-nor-young-nor-armed men on Fraser’s Ridge? I suppose it doesn’t, since the mother herself knows Bonnet could be consulting a map and stealing a horse as we speak. I somehow doubt her husband and named father of her child would agree… if he only knew.

Callback #3: Colonel Jamie tells Captain Roger there’s no time to train the militia, so he’ll teach them to fight like Highlanders, to gather and scatter on his command. Can you say Dougal MacKenzie in S2E9 Je Suis Prest? Sure. I knew you could.

Thank goodness for Closed Captioning. Growing up immersed in Scots (language, accents, people), I rarely “huh?” during Outlander, but I have no ear for Welsh, and John Quincy Myers keeps my clicking that CC button. And his lines are so worth understanding! 😂

Callback #4: The fireside banter and guy-talk, with Claire’s being the only participant without a Y chromosome, takes me back to S1E5 Rent. Good times.

We’re slowly adding to the books’ Fraser’s Ridge roster.  We already know Isaiah Morton and Ronnie Sinclair. Around the fire we meet brothers Evan and Kenny Lindsay, and Geordie Chisholm. Isaiah Morton on his way to Brownsville? What could go wrong?

Speaking of books, so much of Fireside Chat reminded me of The Fiery Cross, right down to Jamie’s not needing to worry whether his feet or his hair might burn in order to sleep “warm.” Nudge, nudge, wink, wink. Say no more. 

I am very impressed with Paul Gorman’s playing the Beardsley twins, and duly impressed with his characters’ appearing onscreen at the same time. Well done! BUT… the BEST part of the entire Twins Story introduction was the explanation for Keziah’s missing britches. 😻

You’re lucky, Lizzie Wemyss, I’m completely committed to Murtz, because any man who would forgo his pants to keep kittens warm is my kind of man. ❤️

I wonder if Father Fogden ever missed his mirror?

I couldn’t begin to imagine those young men’s lives. Orphaned at two, with four sisters dead at sea. Sold on a 30-year term, starved, beaten, deafened… and made to sleep in a barn that is too cold for goats.

Josiah isn’t going to avoid Claire’s scary looking medical tools for long if he keeps drawing attention to his sore throat. Owie!

More book people, People: Joan, Hugh, and Iain Òg Findlay. In The Fiery Cross Roger also meets with Iain Mòr, Joan’s brother and head of the family.

Two years, three months, and five days…

It’s probably the meds, but when Fanny Beardsley slams the door in Jamie’s face, I imagined her turning to the goats and saying, “I told ‘im we got already got one.”

I’m thankful my TV’s Smell-o-Vision™ is out of order. Brianna, oh she who could not tolerate an autopsied torso, is thankful she skipped this road trip all together.

The direction, lighting, special effects, makeup, and prosthetics are excellent in this part of the episode and Mr. McCreary has outdone himself with the soundtrack. Truly a House of Horrors, Chez Beardsley.

“None of us could give him a baby.” Um, I hate to break it to you, Aaron, but I suspect it’s your problem, not any of your five wives’.

Brit Bronwyn James gives Baltimore Fanny a decent generic American accent.

Poor Jamie! He knows the pain of sending Claire back through the stones. Contemplating sending his beloved daughter and grandson, and tolerated son-in-law, is too much. 😖

Poor Fanny! To live as she has for two years, three months, and five days with that “wretch,” and awaken to see Jamie and Claire’s spooning, peacefully sleeping in her living room. I’d sneak off in the dead of night, too.

My grand-père went to Hillsborough and all I got was a wagon full of goats. 🐐🐐🐐🐐🐐

“I’ll do what must be done.” No foreshadowing, thank you very much. James Alexander Malcolm MacKenzie Fraser has suffered enough.

__________

March 2, 2020

Photo: Starz, Screenshots: @boyneriver-fraser​ Jon Gary Steele Twitter, W Network/Global TV app, Gifs: @abreathofsnowandwaffles​ (1 & 2), @jemscorner​ (3), @avasetocallmyown​ (4), @grantcary​ (5), @mistress-gif​ (6 & 7)

#Outlander #Personal #Review #The Fiery Cross #S5E3 Free Will #Claire Fraser #Jamie Fraser #Roger MacKenzie #Fergus Claudel Fraser #Geordie Chisholm #Adso #Mama ComfyPants & The Kittens #193 #030220

[dalekofchaos]

Undertaker’s Streak never should have been broken

Nearly 7 years later and I still think it was dumb to end the streak. I even think it was dumber to let that steroided freak of a part timer be the one to do it. It did not help or elevate anyone. It ended one of the few things I had to watch on Wrestlemania every year. 

The Streak was special, sacred, a spectacle and important. 

It was stupid. Brock Lesnar did not need it. He’s Brock fucking Lesnar, the Beast Incarnate. There was absolutely NOTHING he needed to build up. All he needed was to look good trying to end The Streak.

Someone like CM Punk or Bray Wyatt, yes I agree they would’ve been better, but considering how both men were treated by WWE, do you think it would’ve done anything for them when it’s all said and done?

You killed the golden goose. You killed the one reason why old school fans like me actually fucking gave a fucking damn year after year after shitty storyline after shitty storyline. I was done with WWE after the Benoit murders due to how they cultivated an environment that allowed Benoit to lose his fucking mind. But I had one bright spot. The Undertaker and his Streak. And you killed it for Brock?

I don’t care if it was Vince or Taker’s call. Letting Lesnar to be the one to do it was fucking stupid. Where in the  hell did anyone involved with this stupid decision think this was a remotely good idea? You would have thought that if going into it you knew that this special thing was going to come to an end, this special thing that so many wrestling fans like myself and so many more held near and dear and sacred to their hearts, you would go out of your way to make this feel like something truly transcended, something truly iconic, something that truly would stand the test of time. But instead what you decide to do was drop The Streak after TWO DECADES of fucking investment to a guy who's a part-timer that advertises a sandwich shop on his short pants and his matches. Bad build up in a bad match and a bad decision as it happened. It's one, it's two and it's three! It was surreal not only because the streak was over and the realization the truth smacked us across the face like a ton of bricks, but it's over like after two decades and THIS is how it ends after over two decades after so many memorable moments and so many memorable matches and so many times where you feel it was this close ti veubg vrijeb abd then somehow someway it wasn't. This is how it's decided that it's gonna end? This is gonna be the nightcap to over two decades of fucking legend? Over two decades of awesome? Over two decades of accomplishment? Over two decades of something that will never ever be touched again by anything in the WWE or professional wrestling as a whole? This unfullfilling, unsatisfying completely idiotic piece of shit is what we got instead and to me the truth of the matter is it will always feel like it was a great big slap in the fucking face. It's like after all this time, Vince laughed and was like "eh, fuck you fans, who needs you, this is how we're gonna do it" and this is dumb on so many different levels. Of all people, Taker decided he wanted to drop his streak to Brock fucking Lesnar...why? Let's evaluate this for a second. This is the same Brock less near the heading into Wrestlemania XXX was 1-2 and from a logic standpoint this sure as shit doesn't make any sense at Wrestlemania. Need I remind everybody that this is the same Brock Lesnar that just one year earlier couldn't beat Triple H at Wrestlemania 29. The SAME Triple H, OH THAT BY THE WAY The Undertaker beaten him in back to back years at Wrestlemania!Including what was a glorified two-on-one handicap match the end of an era Hell In A Cell Match where Shawn Michaels was a special guest referee and not to mention he beat him in 2001 at Wrestlemania 17. So Brock Lesnar, a guy with a career losing record at Wrestlemania, the guy that couldn't beat Triple H, another part-time wrestler at Wrestlemania 29, is now able to beat The Undertaker who was 21-0 at Wrestlemania and had beaten Triple H THREE TIMES at the biggest even of the year...THREE FUCKING TIMES! And Lesnar couldn't do it once.... 7 years fucking later and it didn't do shit for Lesnar or shit for WWE in general. Need I remind you WWE gave it to someone who left the WWE high and motherfucking dry after Wrestlemania 20. Do we all forget how much time and energy and investment the WWE put behind Brock Lesnar in his first two years on the main roster in the WWE for all the people who still defend this bullshit decision, these are all the same idiots who pissed and moaned about Cena and Roman. DING DONG DUMB DICKS. Do you not realize if Brock Lesnar didn't leave the company high and dry after Wrestlemania 20, they wouldn't have had to sit there and build up John Cena and later Roman Reigns to the point where they had to play it safe with them so they wouldn't be big enough to leave?? At least Cena stayed until he felt his time was over. Roman is awesome and his status is well deserved. Brock did not deserve it. It was dumb 7 years ago and it's still incredibly dumb and stupid. Of all the people in the Streak who could've beaten it, you're telling me Brock Lesnar is greater than CM Punk, Batista, HHH or Shawn Michaels. I would've accepted John Cena or Roman Reigns and it actually would've fucking meant something. Brock was never around much, he's made it pretty fucking clear he doesn't care about WWE, the fans or wrestling in general, all he cares about is fucking money. You wasted two decades of build up for this part-timer and waste of fucking money and again, it was not worth it and incredibly stupid. You could've given it to CM Punk and he would've stayed. You could've had HHH win at at the end of an era match and it still would've meant something. At least with HHH being involved in the day to day operations of the WWE, imagine how much more it would mean if HHH had actually been the one to end the Strak at Wrestlemania 28 end of an era match and then he turns around and loses to Daniel Bryan at Wrestlemania 30 But no, you gave it to someone who didn't give a flying shit about the fans or professional wrestling. 7 years later and this decision was still fucking dumb. You can say whatever you want about Cena and trust me I was not a fan and I would've been just as mad 7 years ago if he was the one to end the streak because of what it represented to me as a wrestling fan, at least I would've known that he would have respected it, he would have appreciated it, he would have understood it and you actually would have gotten more long-term return on that very very long-term inveestment that you made as the WWE into that Undertaker character into the freaking streak! And what did it end up doing? Really at the end of the day what was the point of this? I mean if you really think about it, here's some things that have just really stand out to me. The fact that it was The Undertaker's call doesn't make it the right call. 7 years later I don't believe it was the right decision. Even those people that we respect the most sometimes make the dumbest decisions possible. This was dumb, it's just one of these things, well it was a great, shocking and surprising moment in Wrestlemania, well I bet it fucking was and the reason nobody saw it coming was because of a bad build up, a bad match in a dumb booking decision. It was a bad post-match reaction to it. It created a terrible Wrestlemania moment and some very detrimental dire bad consequences to the night to think about it. Instead of talking about Daniel Bryan's victory, they would be talking about Undertakjer's streak being broken and the shock and awe. Shock and surprise is not always good. You could take a shit or yank out your privates in the ring and I promise you tons of fans in that arena would be thinking what the fuck just happened? That's pretty much what happened. Who did this benefit? NO ONE! Did the fans want this? NO ONE FUCKING WANTED IT! Did it benefit the WWE? ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NOT! The decision to end the streak was incredibily selfish. This was something a lot of fans were incredibily emotionally invested in. This was the only thing that kept me interested in WWE and Vince just had to ruin it. Vince just had to go with his old "eat shit and like the taste of it mentality" and shove this fucking part timer down our fucking throats for the next 6 fucking years. Choosing to end The Streak was selfish, incredibily selfish and incredibily stupid. I don't care if Undertaker wanted it to be over, The Streak still mattered. Why not preserve your legacy with the streak intact? Let's look at your career after the streak. Bad matches and you still come back every year. Taker was very loyal to Vince and the WWE, so why the fuck would you choose to let the asshole who left WWE 10 years ago when they clearly needed a star for the tremendous honor of breaking your legendary undefeated streak? You could've chosen a young guy who needed and deserved the honor to enhance his career. If The Undertaker doesn't care about his Streak, Legacy or career, then why should we? Why the fuck should I? 20 years and it was for nothing. Taker might be at peace with it, but I never will be. 7 Years and I am still pissed. It was incredibily selfish for Taker, Vince and the WWE to sit there and decide at Wrestlemania 30 to end it when it should have been all about Daniel Bryan and it should have been all about him overcoming the odds and obstacles. It ultimately became about The Undertaker  and his Streak ending. I will always believe the decision was a dumb one and I will never accept it.

Undertaker never should have lost. As Arn Anderson said “He should still be sitting here unbeaten. It's as special as anything has ever been, it's more special than anybody that won a world title. It's one of those things that comes along every so often and the character fits the angle. Leaving him undefeated would've been perfect. Let him walk away, let him retire, let him get put in the hall of fame all in one year and let that record, whether it would be 30-0, that's something monumental.”

And yes, I do believe Undertaker should have been undefeated with 30-0 and retire with the Streak in tact. After defeating Brock, these are potential Streak victims I could foresee

Wrestlemania 31:Sting(JUST THINK ABOUT IT. Undertaker returns after Wrestlemania XXX, no Bray Wyatt and we’re on the road to Wrestlemania, before he could even make his announcement. All of a sudden everything goes black. And we hear this  “When a man's heart is full of deceit... It burns up, dies... And a dark shadow falls over his soul... From the ashes of a once great man, has risen a curse...A wrong that must be righted... We look to the skies for a vindicator, someone to strike fear into the black hearts of the same man who created him... The battle between good, and evil has begun... Against an army of shadows, lies a dark warrior...The prevailer of good... With a voice of silence... And a mission of justice... This is Sting.” Sting’s classic Crow theme plays and as he makes his entrance to the ring. The stare off happens. Sting aims his bat at Taker and challenges him to Wrestlemania. Undertaker’s eyes goes white and gives him the throat cross. Sting vs Undertaker at Wrestlemania 31. Sting makes his debut in a way he should have appeared in WWE challenging The Undertaker at Wrestlemania. The Pheonom vs The Icon. WWE’s legend vs WCW’s legend. Perfect.)

Wrestlemania 32:Braun Strowman

Wrestlemania 33:Roman Reigns

Wrestlemania 34:Kurt Angle(Ronda would be facing Stephanie in a singles match instead, so we get the match we should have gotten at Wrestlemania 22)

Wrestlemania 35:Elias

Wrestlemania 36:AJ Styles

Wrestlemania 37:Aleister Black

Wrestlemania 38:The Fiend

The night prior, Undertaker is inducted into the WWE Hall Of Fame. At Wrestlemania, Undertaker beats The Fiend and becomes 30-0. The night after he announces his retirement and a tribute show for The Undertaker goes off. The perfect send off for The Undertaker.