#i tried to re-paint a frame from the anime

[cinnamonmon]

[minhosbitterriver]

──── * ˚ ✦ ECHOES OF US ( stray kids )

❛ After a painful breakup, you and Jeongin struggle to maintain a civil front for your mutual friends, but when he accidentally calls you by your old pet name, unresolved emotions resurface, forcing you both to confront the lingering feelings between you.

𝐲𝐚𝐧𝐠 𝐣𝐞𝐨𝐧𝐠𝐢𝐧 + gender neutral reader ೯ ( 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧𝐬 )

𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 12.6k 𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞: 50 mins

꒰ 💌 ꒱ ミ Say hello to my very first long-fic! It took me an eternity to get this done, but I'm actually very proud of how it turned out! Also, my very rough draft for this was accidentally posted a few days ago, so if you saw that...no you didn't! This was anonymously requested! (Anon, I'm sorry it took me a hot minute to finally finish this, but I hope I made up for it with how long it ended up being 🫠) Reblogs for this teaser are always appreciated! Requests are currently open! ── ( 𝐥𝐢𝐛𝐫𝐚𝐫𝐲 )

𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: Mentions of sibling death and grief, very brief mention of a dysfunctional home, use of they-them pronouns for Y/N, brief explanation of sibling death, Y/N's sibling has their own name, mentions of being abandoned, heartbreak, awkward re-encounter after almost a year, discussions on mental health, a whole lot of angst, comforting ending, let me know if I missed anything!

( 𝐠𝐮𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐬 ) ( 𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 & 𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧𝐬 ) ( 𝐫𝐞𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 ) ( 𝐭𝐢𝐩 𝐣𝐚𝐫 )

When Jeongin stepped through the door he had once shared with you, a sense of dread already coiled tightly around his heart, squeezing with every breath. He knew you'd kept your promise to move out by the end of the week, but the reality of it hit harder than he could have imagined. The front hallway, once cluttered with a chaotic jumble of shoes that you always left haphazardly by the entrance, now stood painfully bare, save for his own neatly aligned row of frequently worn sneakers. The absence of your presence echoed louder than any argument ever had, and suddenly he found himself longing for those moments of trivial annoyance—wishing, with a deep, aching desire, that he could quarrel with you about it just once more.

He kicked off his sneakers, setting them carefully amongst the rest of his now lonely footwear. For a moment, he stood there, hesitant, almost willing to call out your name, hoping against hope that you might answer from the bedroom or kitchen, your voice cutting through the oppressive silence that now smothered the apartment. But he knew better. He moved forward with heavy steps, not even bothering to put on his house slippers. The silence that greeted him as he wandered further inside was a deafening reminder of what he had lost. You were gone, and with you, the vibrant energy that had once filled these walls had vanished too.

The living room—once a collage of your combined tastes—was now stripped of the personal touches that made it home. The furniture remained, the couch where you both had laughed and argued, the coffee table marked with rings from careless mugs of tea during lazy mornings. Yet, all the little decorations, the framed art you insisted on hanging, the plants you’d tried so hard to keep alive—they had all disappeared with you. The emptiness was jarring, like a canvas half-painted and abruptly abandoned, leaving every wall and surface barren, the once warm and cozy atmosphere now reduced to a cold, unfamiliar space.

By the time Jeongin reached the bedroom, the last thread of his fragile composure snapped. The bed—where countless memories had been woven—was stripped down to its bare mattress, the sheets gone. The framed photographs of the two of you were turned face down on the bedside table, as if you couldn’t bear to look at them one last time. His eyes moved to the corner where your ridiculously large collection of stuffed animals had once spilled over, crowding half of the bed. That too was empty now. An overwhelming wave of loss washed over him, dragging him to his knees. 

Jeongin's breath came out in shaky gasps as he looked around the hollow shell of what had been your shared sanctuary. You were truly gone. Though he had been the one to end things between you, a decision made in a moment of confusion and pride, he was still hopelessly, painfully in love with you. The realization of his own foolishness crashed over him with unbearable weight, suffocating him in the silence that was once filled with your laughter, your presence, and your love.

Jeongin couldn’t summon a shred of resentment toward you, even if he tried. He understood, all too painfully, that everything that had unraveled between you over the past year was nothing but a sorrowful consequence of your grief. You had once been a soul overflowing with light, always searching for the silver lining amidst the clouds, a spirit who could find a glimmer of hope even in the darkest of times. You, who would often conspire with his mischievous best friend, Seungmin, forming a relentless duo to tease him until he’d feign a pout, forcing you to shower him with kisses until he laughed again. You, who came home every evening brimming with stories about the children you counseled at the school, your eyes alight with passion and care for each of them. All that Jeongin had loved so deeply about you seemed to have been buried alongside your sister, Nari, and this loss was a truth he still grappled with, even now.

As he crawled onto the empty, cold bed that had once been a warm sanctuary for both of you, Jeongin curled into himself, his body folding inward as if trying to shield himself from the harsh reality. His sobs came in ragged waves, tearing through him so violently that he trembled, his breath hitching with each shaky inhale. He missed you more than words could convey—he missed everything about you. The sound of your laughter echoed in his mind like a haunting melody, its tones shifting with your moods: soft and lyrical when merely amused, and loud, unrestrained when joy truly overwhelmed you. He missed those sounds, the ones that used to fill this now desolate space with life and love.

He missed the lazy afternoons you'd spend together, brainstorming new exercises for his music therapy sessions. Those moments would often devolve into impromptu concerts, filled with your carefree, barefoot dancing across the living room floor and his voice following your lead, blending into a harmony of shared happiness. It was in those moments that everything felt right in the world, where nothing existed but the two of you, lost in your own little universe of melodies and movements. He missed those afternoons like one misses the warmth of the sun after too many days of rain.

He missed teasing you in those quiet moments when you were deeply focused, often catching you sticking your tongue out ever so slightly—a quirk of concentration that never failed to endear him. He’d gently pinch it between his fingers, earning himself a mildly exasperated huff as you’d swat his hand away. But he knew that a smile would inevitably creep up on your lips, and you’d turn away to hide it, cheeks flushing with a mix of amusement and affection. It was the kind of simple, tender moment that spoke volumes about the depth of your bond, a bond that now felt irreparably severed.

Every corner of this home whispered memories of you, and he was haunted by them all—the good, the bad, the ones that made him laugh, and especially those that made him cry. Your absence left a void that nothing could fill, a hollow silence where there had once been laughter and love. And even though he knew it was your grief that had driven a wedge between you, he couldn’t help but wish he could find a way back to you, to the person you used to be, and to the love that once made him feel whole.

The night that shattered your world was meant to be a day of celebration: your younger sister Nari’s high school graduation. Jeongin could still see you in his mind's eye that morning, almost vibrating with pure, uncontainable joy. Your eyes were bright, brimming with excitement, and your smile—so wide and beautiful—tugged at his heart each time it graced your lips. Nari was the center of your universe, your pride, your joy, your true soulmate in a world that often felt uncertain and cold. You had been more than just a sister to her; you had been her guardian, her comforter, her everything. You were the one who took on the weight of raising her through the chaotic turmoil of your parents' messy divorce, providing stability where there was none. 

Jeongin could recall countless times Nari would recount how you shielded her from the constant, venomous arguments that echoed through your childhood home. Despite your own young age, you found ways to distract her, to pull her out of the chaos—whether it was with whispered jokes or made-up games that filled her mind with something brighter than the screaming. To Nari, you were a star, someone who had hung the moon just for her. She often spoke with a mix of awe and adoration about the afternoons you both spent sneaking into the little ice cream shop on the way home from school, spending hours laughing over melting cones until you were sure your mother had left for work. 

Jeongin also remembered the quiet, tender moments he would witness after you had graduated and moved out. Nights when Nari would sleep over, curled up beside you, as if you were her very own safe haven in a world that could be so unforgiving. There was a beauty in how you held her close, how you seemed to provide her with an anchor when everything else felt adrift. Yet, no relationship, no matter how deeply cherished, is without its storms. For as vividly as Jeongin could remember the soft, loving moments, he could just as clearly recall the bitter weeks leading up to Nari's graduation—weeks marked by harsh words and heated arguments.

You and Nari shared many things—your fierce loyalty, your protective instincts—but perhaps most notably, the sharp edge of your words. When tempers flared, both of you possessed a mercilessly cutting tongue that could lash out with a force that left deep, stinging wounds. Jeongin hated those fights, hated the cruel things you would shout at each other in the heat of the moment, words that cut so deeply and yet meant nothing once the anger faded. The conflict had started when Nari began dating an older guy who had already graduated. Neither you nor Jeongin liked him, sensing the danger in his recklessness, his penchant for illegal activities that threatened to drag your sister down a path she wasn't prepared for. But Nari, stubborn and convinced she had found the love of her life, refused to listen. The tension between you both grew unbearable, each argument driving another wedge between you and your beloved sister, and Jeongin could do nothing but stand helplessly on the sidelines, watching as she slowly pushed you away.

The real fracture came on what should have been a night of celebration. Nari was supposed to have dinner with you and Jeongin to celebrate her graduation. She promised to meet you both, to share in the joy of her achievement, but instead, she turned off her phone and ran off with her boyfriend to a party that everyone knew would be dangerous. For hours, you and Jeongin called and texted, reaching out to everyone who might have known where she was, each unanswered ring heightening the tension, every minute stretching into a painful eternity. 

And then, the call came—the one that brought your entire world crashing down. Nari had been found dead inside her boyfriend’s car. Both were intoxicated when he decided to drive, his recklessness steering them straight into a tree. The impact killed them both instantly. 

Jeongin would never forget the sound that tore through you in that moment, a wail of agony so deep and raw it seemed to shatter the very air around you. It was a sound that would forever echo in his heart, a haunting melody of a love lost too soon and a pain that could never be soothed.

The piercing sound of Jeongin's phone ringing in his back pocket cut through the thick, oppressive fog of memories that had been drowning him ever since he stepped into the cold, empty apartment that was once alive with the warmth of your shared moments. His body still trembled with the aftershocks of his own heartbreak, his face still wet with a cascade of tears that seemed endless. For a moment, he considered ignoring it, letting it fade away into the void of everything else that felt lost to him. But something compelled him to move, to reach into his pocket and pull out his phone. The screen flashed with a name: Chan. 

Jeongin’s first instinct was to let it ring out. He wasn’t sure he could bear the gentle, pity-laden concern he knew he would hear in Chan’s voice. The idea of facing someone else’s worry, of being forced to articulate the emptiness clawing at his chest, felt like too much. But he also knew that Chan wasn’t just calling for the sake of it—he was worried. Maybe that thought, the notion that someone still cared enough to reach out, was what finally convinced Jeongin to answer. With a shaky breath, he pressed the phone to his ear.

“Yes?” His voice came out rough and broken, as if he’d swallowed shards of glass, a hoarse rasp that even he barely recognized. On the other end, there was a sharp intake of breath, a small hitch that spoke volumes, followed by the sound of Chan clearing his throat in that awkward, nervous way he had when he didn’t know how to approach a delicate subject.

“Hey, how are you holding up?” Chan’s voice was gentle, tentative, as if afraid that anything more might cause Jeongin to shatter completely. The simple question, so innocuous yet loaded with care, brought fresh tears to Jeongin’s eyes. He swallowed thickly, trying to keep his composure, not wanting to add more weight to Chan’s worry.

“As well as I can be...everything is gone.” The words felt heavy on his tongue, sinking like stones into the silence that followed. There was a sigh on the other end, deep and empathetic, filled with an understanding that was both comforting and unbearable.

“I’ll stop by later, yeah?” Chan’s offer came with a note of encouragement, trying to lift the heavy blanket of despair. “I can bring Minho so he can cook you some food, and we can figure out what comes next.” There was kindness in his words, an attempt to pull Jeongin from the pit he’d found himself in, but the weight pressing on Jeongin’s chest didn’t budge, didn’t ease in the slightest.

“Maybe another time, Channie, thank you,” Jeongin murmured, his voice carrying the exhaustion of someone who had been running a losing race against his own emotions. “I think I just need a few days alone.” The silence that stretched between them after was telling, thick with Chan’s unspoken disapproval. Jeongin could almost see the frown on his friend’s face, the way he’d be chewing on his lip, holding back what he really wanted to say.

Eventually, Chan spoke again, his tone carefully measured, almost as if he were walking on eggshells. “Right. Um, hey...Felix wanted to pay Y/N a visit to make sure everything’s alright and to help with the moving. The problem is, none of us really know where they moved, and we thought that maybe they might’ve told you or something?”

The mention of your name was like a punch to the gut, a sharp twist of the knife that had already been embedded in his heart. Jeongin’s breath caught, and he could feel his throat tightening, the sting of tears threatening to spill over once more. He squeezed his eyes shut, willing himself to stay composed, to not break apart all over again.

“No,” he sighed after a moment, rolling onto his back and staring up at the empty, featureless ceiling that seemed to stretch on like an abyss. “I thought you guys would’ve known... but maybe Y/N needs some time alone for a while too. I’m sure they’ll call when they’re ready.”

The words felt hollow, a brittle hope that tasted more like ash on his tongue, but it was all he could offer. And in the silence that followed, Jeongin could only listen to the faint sound of Chan’s breathing, the weight of their shared helplessness settling in like a cold, unwelcome presence in the room.

Jeongin had clung to a fragile hope that, in time, you would reach out to the circle of friends who had once been your shared lifeline. He never imagined that you would confide in him directly—he knew all too well that the pain of his departure still festered like an open wound. You had made it painfully clear how much you resented him for breaking things off when you needed him most. He could still hear your voice, raw with anger and hurt, echoing in his mind as you stormed out of the apartment for the last time.

But never in his darkest nightmares had he expected you to vanish completely, as if swallowed by the earth itself. There wasn't even a whisper of your whereabouts, not the faintest trace left behind to hint at where you might have gone. It was as if you had been erased from existence. When you left, you didn't just walk out of Jeongin's life—you walked away from everything that had tied you to this place. You resigned from your job as a school counselor, the one located just a short distance from Jeongin’s apartment where you had once found solace in guiding young lives through their own turmoil. Your phone number had changed, your social media accounts lay abandoned and untouched, gathering digital dust like forgotten relics of a past life.

For what felt like an eternity, each member of your once tightly-knit group of friends wore the weight of worry like a second skin, tirelessly searching for any sign of you, some confirmation that you were still out there, somewhere, still breathing. Nights were spent in hushed conversations and whispered theories, each one more desperate than the last, wondering if you were even alive. The silence you left in your wake was deafening, a void that consumed every bit of hope they tried to hold onto.

Yet, as the months dragged on and there was still no word—no signal, no letter, not even a single fleeting message—Jeongin and the others were forced to confront a harsh new reality. The absence of your presence became a palpable thing, a hollow emptiness that settled in their chests. Slowly, reluctantly, they began to understand that they might never see you again. And in that painful understanding, they had no choice but to piece together their broken hearts and try, however feebly, to move forward. 

But even as they moved on, a part of Jeongin remained anchored in that lingering silence, waiting for the day it would finally break.

✦•······················•✦•······················•✦

Eight months had passed since you vanished without a word, leaving behind a void that swallowed everything and everyone you once knew. Jeongin found himself seated on a low stool in the center of his sunlit office, a space designed to cradle broken spirits. The room was filled with warmth, the soft, earth-toned walls bathed in a gentle, golden glow that made it feel like a sanctuary amidst the chaos. Around him, cushions were scattered like islands of comfort, and the soft hum of a guitar rested against his body, its strings vibrating gently with each subtle shift of his calloused fingers.

In front of him, a small group sat in a circle, each person a vessel of silent sorrow. Some had their eyes shut tight, trying to shut out the world, while others stared ahead, their gazes distant, lost in the labyrinth of their own pain. Today’s session was centered around grief—a familiar theme that Jeongin had come to understand all too well. His eyes swept over the group, his expression soft and understanding, a silent invitation for them to share their burdens. Directly across from him, a young woman who had recently lost her mother sat rigid, her shoulders taut as bowstrings, her fingers anxiously picking at the frayed edge of her sleeve. Beside her, an elderly man kept his gaze fixed on his wrinkled hands, folded so tightly in his lap it seemed as if he was afraid he might fall apart if he let go.

Jeongin's fingers began to dance over the guitar strings, coaxing out a few gentle notes that floated through the room like a soft breeze on a warm day. The melody was simple, almost like a lullaby—tender and soothing, a soft hand reaching out in the enveloping darkness. It was a song he had crafted with your help, your voice whispering in his mind, guiding the melody with your mesmerizing ideas and gentle critiques. He tried not to think of you now, of the countless hours you'd spent together creating this very piece, but the memory lingered like a ghost.

“Let’s take a deep breath,” he murmured, his voice a low hum that barely rose above the delicate strumming. “Breathe in... and out. Feel the music as it moves through you.” His voice was smooth and warm as he began to sing, threading through the air like a comforting embrace. The lyrics were a balm for weary souls, speaking of finding peace amid the storm, of a quiet place where one could lay down their burdens. He watched the room with quiet intent, observing as the music began to weave its subtle magic.

The young woman’s shoulders, once so tense, began to loosen ever so slightly, her breath easing into a more natural rhythm. The elderly man’s grip on his hands softened, his fingers unclenching as if the melody had given him permission to let go, if only for a moment. Jeongin’s heart ached as he shifted the melody into a new key, a hint of melancholy now woven into the notes. His voice leaned into the emotion, allowing it to crack and falter in just the right places, like a mirror reflecting the fractures of a breaking heart.

He knew the power of those small imperfections—the way a slight fracture in the music could resonate with the cracks in a person’s soul, giving them the courage to confront their own pain. The room felt heavy with unspoken sorrow, yet somehow lighter, too, as if each note was drawing out a little of the darkness from within. And as he continued to sing, Jeongin allowed himself to feel the weight of his own grief, letting it pour into the song, knowing that sometimes, in the quiet beauty of shared pain, there was a kind of healing.

Moments later, a soft sob broke the fragile silence. The young woman's face crumpled as she brought a trembling hand to her mouth, tears spilling down her cheeks in rivulets that caught the light. Jeongin’s heart ached for her, a deep, familiar pain unfurling in his chest. His mind flashed back to countless moments where he had seen that same expression etched across your own face—the anguish, the vulnerability. But he didn’t stop playing. Instead, he allowed the melody to swell, his fingers coaxing the guitar strings through the dark waters of sorrow and guiding them back toward a glimmer of hope, like a lighthouse in a storm.

“Let it out,” he murmured, his voice a soft, comforting undertone to the music. “There’s no need to hold back here.” His words were a gentle invitation, a permission to release the emotions that had been held back for far too long. And as if on cue, the room filled with the raw sounds of grief—soft, stifled sobs, muffled cries, the quiet sniffles of those who had long forgotten how to weep openly. Jeongin continued to play, his music becoming a vessel for their pain, a safe harbor where tears could flow without shame or judgment. 

Across the circle, he caught a glimpse of the elderly man, his head bowed low, his lips quivering as he mouthed the words of the song. His eyes were squeezed shut, as if trying to ward off a memory too painful to face. Jeongin’s gaze softened, and he let the melody shift, his fingers moving with practiced ease into something softer, gentler—like a lull after the fury of a storm. Each note was deliberate, a quiet caress to soothe the raw edges of the room's collective sorrow. He watched as the weight of grief began to lift, ever so slightly, and the room took a deep breath, exhaling the heaviness that had clung to them like a shadow.

When the final note faded into the stillness, Jeongin let the silence settle, heavy but not suffocating. He set his guitar down gently, his eyes meeting each person’s in turn, offering a silent acknowledgment of their pain. “Thank you for sharing this space with me,” he said, his voice a soft balm even as his own heart bore the scars of past regrets. Too often did Jeongin lose sleep over how he, despite his profession, had failed to help you through your own grief. “Grief is heavy, but together, we can carry it, even if just for a moment.”

The young woman wiped at her tears, her face still etched with the rawness of her emotions, but in her eyes, there was a faint spark—a glimmer of relief, as if, for the first time in a long while, she felt a little less alone. The elderly man’s shoulders sagged, a heavy breath escaping his lips, as though a burden had been lifted, if only for a moment. Jeongin offered a small, gentle smile, a subtle curve of his lips that spoke of understanding and quiet encouragement. He picked up his guitar again, fingers brushing against the strings with a familiar, comforting touch.

“How about we end with something light?” he suggested, strumming a few upbeat chords, his eyes brightening with a hint of mischief. “Maybe a song that reminds us of hope. Even when it’s hard to see, it’s always there… waiting for us.” His words hung in the air like a promise, a tender reminder that there was light even in the darkest of places.

And so, with his voice soft but steady, Jeongin led them into another song—one that spoke of healing, of finding strength in the most shattered places, and of a quiet, enduring joy that could bloom even in the darkest seasons of life. This was a song Jeongin had written and composed in the wake of your absence, in the silence that followed your sudden departure. It was a song born of hope, crafted in those long months of not knowing, a song he had always dreamed of sharing with you. And as he sang, he let that hope fill the room, weaving through the notes, a quiet, resilient thread that held the promise of brighter days.

Nearly thirty minutes had passed since the group therapy session had officially ended, but Jeongin's office was still filled with the quiet shuffling of his patients gradually making their way out. This wasn't unusual; some of them often lingered, seeking a few more moments to connect or share their thoughts, and Jeongin never minded. He found these moments invaluable—an opportunity to touch base, to offer a final bit of encouragement or reassurance. 

As Jeongin turned to watch the last patient leave, he was surprised to find his friend Changbin leaning against the doorframe. Changbin’s muscular arms were crossed over his broad chest, his eyes twinkling with a mix of admiration and amusement. A soft smile tugged at the corners of his lips, and it only grew wider when Jeongin’s gaze finally met his. "Bin," Jeongin greeted with a slight bow, his dimples appearing as he returned his friend's smile. He moved toward his desk on the opposite end of the room, a space that served as both his office and a therapy room within the clinic.

Without waiting for an invitation, Changbin followed him, settling himself comfortably into the leather chair meant for Jeongin. With a roll of his eyes and a shake of his head, Jeongin let out a small huff of amusement at his friend's antics. He took a seat in one of the smaller chairs intended for his patients, his gaze fixed on Changbin. "What are you doing here?" Jeongin finally asked, watching his friend lounging back in the chair, hands interlocked casually behind his head.

Changbin's playful demeanor slowly shifted, his eyes losing their mischievous spark as they settled into something more serious. He sighed, leaning forward to rest his forearms on Jeongin's desk, the sudden shift in atmosphere making Jeongin's heart pick up a little in pace. He tried to keep his expression soft, maintaining a small smile even as he braced himself for whatever Changbin had come to say.

For a moment, the room was filled with a heavy silence as Changbin seemed to struggle with his words, his brows furrowing in thought. Finally, he cleared his throat and spoke, "You know how Yongbok and Hannie wanted to have a joint celebration for their birthdays this Friday, right?" Jeongin's brows knit together in confusion; he hadn’t expected such a mundane topic. Still, he nodded, waiting for the real reason behind Changbin's visit.

"Well, everything will be pretty much the same... but we wanted to tell you this before you showed up." Changbin paused, his worried eyes meeting Jeongin's increasingly anxious gaze. After a deep breath, he continued, "Y/N moved back here a little over a week ago and reached out to us almost immediately. We helped them settle back down, and we've been spending some time with them, catching up on everything. Yongbok and Hannie wanted them to be included in their birthday celebration, but we also wanted to check in with you. Make sure you're okay with that first."

Jeongin felt his entire world tilt on its axis, Changbin's words crashing into him like a wave he hadn’t braced for. A million questions stormed through his mind, so fast and furious that he couldn’t quite grasp a single one. "Wait." His hand shot up, signaling his need for a pause as he shifted forward, perching on the edge of his chair. His voice, tinged with betrayal and hurt, spilled out in a rushed breath, "What do you mean Y/N moved back here a week ago? Why am I just learning about this now?"

A look of guilt shadowed Changbin's face, his expression softening with regret. "Y/N asked us not to tell you for a little bit because they weren't ready to handle it yet... but now that everything's settled, they have a new job and everything—Y/N is ready to meet with you if you'd like." He hesitated, and a flicker of panic widened his eyes as he quickly added, "But you didn't hear that last part from me. Y/N wanted to be the one to reach out at some point today or tomorrow."

The silence that followed was heavy, all-consuming, wrapping around Jeongin like a thick fog. He struggled to wrap his mind around the news of your return, the idea of seeing you again so unexpectedly unsettling. The weight of your absence, the questions left unanswered, all resurfaced in that single moment, leaving him adrift in a sea of emotions he wasn’t prepared to face.

Jeongin didn't quite know how to feel about you moving back into town after leaving him without so much as a goodbye. The news of your return stirred a storm of emotions within him, each one more complicated than the last. On one hand, he understood your reasons for leaving—the desperate need to escape from everything that reminded you of your younger sister, Nari, and the weight of your relationship with him, which had grown heavy with grief and unresolved pain. He could see why you had to flee, to distance yourself from the memories that clung to every corner of the town like shadows that wouldn't let you breathe. 

But understanding didn't erase the sting of abandonment. Jeongin couldn't ignore the countless sleepless nights he’d endured, his mind spiraling into an abyss of what-ifs and could-have-beens. He thought back to the moments when your relationship had still felt beautiful and safe, long before it had quietly begun to crumble beneath the weight of tragedy. In truth, he realized, the love between you had started to fray the very moment you received the devastating news of Nari’s fatal accident. It had unraveled slowly, painfully, until there was nothing left but a hollow shell of what once was. By the time he officially ended things, the love you shared had already been gone, replaced by a haunting emptiness.

For months after you left, Jeongin had nearly driven himself to madness, caught in a vicious cycle of regret and self-blame. Every waking moment was spent agonizing over all the different ways he might have pulled you out of your grief. Could he have said something different, done something more? Could he have been more patient, more understanding? He had replayed these thoughts over and over, like a broken record stuck on a painful refrain. There was a time when he couldn’t even look at his own reflection without being reminded of his failure—his inability to be the anchor you needed in the storm of your sorrow. He blamed himself for your sudden departure, believing that if he had fought for you a little harder, if he had held on just a bit longer, maybe things would have turned out differently.

Slowly, though, Jeongin had begun to emerge from the shadows of his own grief. He had started to come to terms with the loss—not just of Nari, whom he had loved deeply through you, but also the loss of the future he had imagined with you by his side. He’d begun to accept that his own heartbreak, mixed with the suffocating weight of guilt, was something he needed to release in order to move forward. Jeongin had finally allowed himself to realize that in the grand scheme of things, staying by your side would have meant losing himself in the process, trying to bring back a version of you that had vanished the day Nari did. He’d come to understand that you were never going to be the same person again, and neither was he.

And now, just when he was starting to find a semblance of peace, you chose this moment to step back into his life. It felt like the ground he had just managed to steady himself on was beginning to shake once more. Jeongin wasn’t sure if he was ready to face you again, to reopen wounds that were only just beginning to scar over. Yet, there was also a flicker of something else—a hope, perhaps, or maybe just curiosity—about what this new chapter could bring. But whatever it was, it left him feeling unsettled, standing on the precipice of a past he had tried so hard to leave behind.

As his mind continued to swirl with a torrent of thoughts, Jeongin was startled by the bitterness that began to simmer beneath the surface of his heart. The resentment was unexpected, an emotion so potent that it almost frightened him. It clawed at him, leaving a sour taste in his mouth, a stark contrast to the calm demeanor he usually carried. But as his gaze lifted, his eyes locked with Changbin's, and he saw the concern etched in his friend's face. The anxiety in Changbin's sincere eyes was unmistakable, quietly tracking the cascade of emotions that flickered across Jeongin's vulnerable features like a storm passing through. 

Despite the sharp sting of betrayal—the feeling of being kept in the dark by his closest friends, who had not only hidden your return from him but also lied to him so they could spend time with you—Jeongin found a small measure of solace in Changbin’s quiet empathy. It was as if Changbin's presence anchored him, a silent reassurance that he wasn’t navigating these turbulent waters alone. In that brief moment, Jeongin’s chaotic thoughts cleared enough for him to take a deep, steadying breath. He slumped back into his chair, his eyes dropping to his sneakers, suddenly feeling the weight of his own exhaustion. His shoulders sagged, heavy with the burden of emotions he could no longer ignore.

"I don’t know if I’ll be ready to meet with Y/N before the party," Jeongin confessed in a low murmur meant only for Changbin’s ears. The sadness in his voice was unmistakable, a raw and tender ache that clung to every word. He took a moment, trying to gather his thoughts that seemed to scatter like leaves in the wind. "But I’m not going to stand in the way of Y/N joining the birthday party—especially since it’s not my place to decide that. I’ll still be there, and I want to be as civil as possible. So, please, don’t let anyone make it more awkward than it needs to be, or I don’t think I’ll be able to handle it."

His voice trembled by the end, his courage wavering as he finally lifted his eyes to meet Changbin's once more. There was a flicker of something fragile there, something almost hopeful, despite the tangled mess of his emotions. Changbin nodded, a soft smile pulling at his lips, a small gesture of gratitude and understanding. He stood up, moving closer to lay a firm, reassuring hand on Jeongin’s shoulder—a rare show of affection, knowing how Jeongin tended to shy away from touch, especially when his emotions were laid bare like this.

"I’ll talk to the boys," Changbin promised, his voice steady, grounding. It was the most he could offer in that moment, aware of how delicate the situation was. 

With that, Changbin turned and quietly exited Jeongin's office, leaving the younger man alone with his thoughts. The room seemed to close in around him, heavy with the weight of everything he was yet to fully comprehend. Jeongin remained seated, lost in the labyrinth of his own complicated emotions—anger, sadness, regret, and something else, something almost like a glimmer of hope—all swirling together in a chaotic dance that he had no idea how to untangle.

✦•······················•✦•······················•✦

In the three days leading up to the eagerly awaited joint birthday party on Friday—an event hosted by Chan for Felix and Jisung—Jeongin found himself ensnared in a relentless spiral of anxiety and anticipation. The looming prospect of encountering you after nearly a year of absence gnawed at him with a persistence that bordered on torment. He grappled with a thousand imagined scenarios, each one an intricate tapestry of potential outcomes and emotional landmines. The uncertainty was a constant, unsettling presence in his life.

Jeongin’s small apartment, once shared with you, had become a labyrinth of memories and regrets. He often wandered its confines, the soft thud of his footsteps a mournful echo of the unease that had taken residence in his chest. The apartment seemed to sigh with each step he took, as if mourning the lost echoes of a time when you had been there. Despite his efforts to bury himself in work, the thought of you lingered like an unwelcome shadow, a constant undercurrent that refused to be ignored. He would catch himself staring at his phone, repeatedly re-reading the message you had sent him just hours after Changbin’s visit—a message that had become both a lifeline and a tormentor.

Your text, which read: 

Hey, Jeongin. It’s been a while. I know I left without much of an explanation and cut off contact... I’m sorry for how I handled things. I’m sorry for a lot of things, actually. But I wasn’t in the best place back then, and I needed time to figure things out on my own. I’m back in town now, and I’d like to talk sometime if you’re open to it. No pressure—I just feel like there are a lot of things that were left unsaid between us. Take care!

Every time Jeongin read these words, a storm of emotions would churn within him. The initial formality of your greeting felt like a cold draft from a distant past, a stark contrast to the warmth that had once existed between you. The passage of time loomed large, a reminder of the endless stretch of days that had passed since your sudden disappearance. He was struck by a poignant blend of nostalgia and pain, the abruptness of your departure a constant reminder of how unfinished your story had been.

Your apology, though a balm of sorts, stirred a complicated mix of relief and frustration within him. On one hand, it acknowledged the hurt you had caused, but on the other, it left a multitude of unresolved questions hanging in the air. Why did you leave so suddenly? Why did you sever all contact? Jeongin understood that you were not in a good place and needed space, but that understanding did little to soothe the sting of abandonment he felt. The sense of being left in the dark, coupled with a profound sadness over his inability to help you, left him grappling with a blend of guilt and anger.

The mention of wanting to talk now jolted him, a surge of conflicting emotions rushing to the surface. He was torn between the desire to reconnect and the fear of reopening old wounds. The prospect of addressing the myriad of things left unsaid between you brought with it a flood of memories—regrets, unresolved issues, and a yearning for closure. Each re-reading of your message plunged him deeper into a whirlpool of complicated thoughts and emotions, the turbulence of his feelings both paralyzing and consuming.

Ultimately, Jeongin found himself unable to craft a suitable response, and so he chose silence. His decision not to reply was one shrouded in uncertainty, a choice that left him questioning whether it was the right one. The silence that followed was both a refuge and a torment, a delicate balance between preserving his own peace and the unresolved echo of your return.

The night of the party arrived under a canopy of crisp, clear sky, the stars shimmering with an almost mocking brilliance. Jeongin drifted through the evening like a specter, his senses overwhelmed by a world that seemed too bright, too noisy, and far too indifferent to his turmoil. His apartment, once a sanctuary, had become a chaotic jumble of discarded outfits—each one cast aside with a frustrated sigh and a sense of resignation. The fabric of his clothes lay strewn about like the remnants of a battle fought and lost against his own anxiety. Nothing felt right, and the more he tried, the more he was convinced that nothing ever would.

Eventually, he settled on a modest ensemble—simple, unobtrusive, and devoid of any hint of personal flair. As he dressed, he glanced at his reflection in the mirror, and what he saw was a stranger staring back—an image of confusion and trepidation. He attempted a smile, one that was supposed to be confident and reassuring, but it fell flat, a mere shadow of what he hoped to project. By the time he arrived at Chan's place, his nerves were a live wire, sparking and fizzing with every heartbeat.

The apartment, already abuzz with the lively hum of music and the warm murmur of laughter, was suffused with the rich, inviting aroma of a feast. Jeongin took a deep breath, steeling himself before stepping into the vibrant chaos. Felix, ever the beacon of warmth, was the first to greet him. His smile was a radiant crescent, eyes sparkling with the playful twinkle of a galaxy etched upon his cheeks and nose. Felix enveloped Jeongin in a tight, enthusiastic hug, and Jeongin could almost gauge the number of drinks Felix had indulged in by the exuberance of the embrace. As he disentangled himself from the fervent welcome, he was met with a slew of half-hidden concern and reassuring smiles that nearly suffocated him with their well-meaning pity.

He made his way to the kitchen, where the counter was a tableau of gifts—boxes and bags for Felix and Han piled high in cheerful disarray. Jeongin added his own contribution to the heap and then sought refuge in the cool solace of the fridge, pulling out a bottle of water to soothe his parched throat. But then, as if fate itself had conspired to make this night even more unbearable, you appeared in the kitchen doorway.

You had been laughing lightly, a melodic sound that seemed to dance on the air, but upon spotting Jeongin, you froze mid-step. The sight of you was like a flash of brilliance in an otherwise dim landscape. You looked as radiant as ever, with a glimmer of the light that had once illuminated your eyes returning to them—a light Jeongin had once lost himself in with reckless abandon. At that moment, the gravity of his own emotions hit him with a brutal clarity. Despite having ended the relationship, he realized with a heavy heart that he was still desperately, achingly in love with you. Even after nearly a year of separation, the feelings remain undiminished.

You slowly composed yourself, though your body remained taut with the remnants of surprise. The smile you gave him was both disarming and electrifying, sending a shiver through him. With a polite bow, you greeted him, your voice soft and warm as you said, “I’m really glad to see you again, Jeongin.” The way you spoke his name made his knees feel weak, the sheer depth of his longing crystallizing in that single, familiar sound. He had not fully grasped how much he had yearned to hear his name on your lips again until that very moment.

Unable to find words, Jeongin merely bowed in return, his smile shy and tremulous. He watched you turn and leave the kitchen with a hurried pace, your earlier purpose forgotten. The realization dawned on him that he might need more than just water to navigate the emotional maelstrom of the evening.

Chan's party was a sanctuary of familiarity, a gathering of a close-knit circle of friends who had weathered years together. The night had unfolded in a haze of laughter and lively banter, and now, as Jeongin found himself pleasantly intoxicated from the endless rounds of drinking games, he couldn't help but revel in the camaraderie that had once again enveloped the room. It felt undeniably comforting to have everyone gathered under one roof again, especially you.

The past year had cast a shadow over the group's dynamic, your absence an unspoken void that lingered between them, palpable despite the silence. Yet now, with your return, the room seemed to breathe with a renewed vitality. It was as though the very air had shifted, carrying with it a sense of ease that had been sorely missed. Jeongin observed you from a distance, his gaze drawn to you as you reengaged with the group. He noted with quiet awe how you moved through conversations with an effortless grace, the same grace that had once been your hallmark.

It was apparent that you had emerged from the clutches of your grief, a revelation that stirred a profound admiration within Jeongin. The way you laughed, genuinely and freely, was a testament to your resilience. Though you had left without a word, seeking solace far away, you had returned with a newfound lightness. The laughter that now danced from your lips was a melody Jeongin had missed, a balm for the aching absence that had haunted him throughout the past year.

Jeongin watched with a bittersweet smile as you engaged with everyone—how your eyes crinkled at the corners when joy sparked within you, how they would occasionally meet his gaze with a fleeting, shy acknowledgment before darting away, leaving behind a gentle blush. Each moment was a delicate brush stroke on the canvas of your reunion, painting a picture of someone who had found a way to heal and reconnect.

The sight of you dancing playfully with Han to a song you both claimed had been crafted just for you was particularly poignant. Your movements were a symphony of carefree delight, a stark contrast to the somber image Jeongin had harbored of you. In these shared, joyful moments, as you reintegrated into the tapestry of old friendships, Jeongin felt his heart tugged with an intensity that defied explanation.

Though the effects of alcohol swirled around him, amplifying emotions and blurring the edges of reality, Jeongin knew that the depth of his feelings for you transcended any inebriation. The love he harbored was as real and potent as ever, a force that no amount of alcohol could replicate or diminish. He was falling for you once more, each glance and shared laugh reaffirming the connection that had never truly faded, only waiting for the right moment to reawaken.

Despite the undeniable truth of his lingering affection for you, Jeongin remained uncertain of how to navigate these turbulent emotions. For now, he chose to keep his feelings veiled in silence, retreating into the solitude of his thoughts. The haze of confusion was abruptly dispelled by the firm, reassuring weight of Minho’s hand settling on his shoulder, grounding him in the present moment.

Minho, his eyes glazed with the soft blur of alcohol—though not nearly as intoxicated as Felix and Han—clapped his hands together, a signal for attention. His voice, amplified by cupped hands, cut through the ambient noise of music and conversation. "Guys! Guys!" he bellowed, drawing the attention of the increasingly inebriated crowd. The room fell into a collective hush, eager eyes fixed on Minho as he continued with a grin that spoke of mischief. "As per Yongbok’s request, we’re about to kick off a game of UNO! But there’s a twist: every time someone lands a Plus Four card, we all take a shot. And the loser—well, they get a revolting concoction of mixed alcohols and juices!"

The announcement ignited a burst of enthusiastic cheers, the crowd’s energy crackling with anticipation. Laughter and playful shoves accompanied the clumsy shuffle to the circular coffee table at the heart of the living room. Jeongin, with a flicker of hope in his heart, watched as you navigated the sea of friends. His wish to have you beside him was met with a hint of disappointment as you chose a seat directly across from him, nestled between Hyunjin and Seungmin.

The seating arrangement became a familiar circle of camaraderie and chaos: You directly across from Jeongin, Seungmin to your right, Chan to Seungmin’s right, Felix to Chan’s right, Jeongin to Felix’s right, Minho to Jeongin’s right, Han to Minho’s right, Changbin to Hyunjin’s right, and Hyunjin bridging the gap between you and Changbin. The table soon overflowed with the raucous sound of drunken laughter, mischievous plotting, and playful bickering.

Jeongin found himself in an unexpected streak of triumph, his luck seemingly endless as he conquered each round of UNO. The others began to whisper suspicions of cheating, their playful accusations accompanied by slurred speech and tipsy frustration. Chan’s voice, tinged with exasperation, rose above the din. "How is it even possible that you’ve been winning non-stop?" he demanded, his words distorted by a chorus of drinks and Seungmin’s relentless strategy.

Jeongin rolled his eyes, a gesture that had become almost automatic in the face of such claims. Han, who had just suffered the fate of the foul concoction, gagged dramatically as he placed the empty cup down with a groan. The room’s attention shifted to you as you slammed your palm onto the table, a spark of mischief lighting up your eyes. The gesture was a beacon of playful challenge, and it made Jeongin’s heart flutter unexpectedly.

"Stand up then, if you’re not cheating," you teased, your voice laced with both suspicion and amusement. The room buzzed with agreement, and Jeongin could not suppress the smile that tugged at his lips as he rose to his feet. He had sobered somewhat since the game began, the action feeling less consequential for him than for the others.

Throughout the night, the games were interspersed with moments of easy banter between you and Jeongin, a reminder of the lighthearted days before the heartache had set in. Each playful remark, every shared glance, and the way you laughed at his jokes tugged at him, rekindling memories of warmth and affection. The realization of how deeply he missed the feeling of being in love with you clenched his heart painfully.

As Jeongin turned around slowly to prove his hands were empty, he couldn’t resist a smirk. "You didn’t empty out your pockets," you persisted, your stubbornness both charming and exasperating.

He met your gaze with a playful smirk of his own, the words slipping out before he could fully process their impact. "Come on, baby, don’t be like that," he said, his tone teasing.

The room fell silent in stunned unison, the playful atmosphere abruptly shifting to one of surprise and second-hand embarrassment. The weight of Jeongin’s unintended endearment hung in the air, leaving everyone, including him, to grapple with the sudden shift in the night’s delicate balance.

Jeongin’s heart sank as he watched the color drain from your face, a pallor of shock and disbelief that spoke volumes in the charged silence that followed. The name he had unintentionally let slip—a relic of a time when you were together—seemed to strike a chord deep within you. For a fleeting moment, your eyes revealed a heartache that cut through the pretense of composure you so desperately tried to maintain. The expression of hurt was almost palpable, like a silent scream against the fabric of the night.

You managed to reassemble yourself with a stubborn facade of mischief, your smile a delicate mask that barely concealed the storm within. Your words, though laced with playful banter, seemed to cut through the tension with a sharp edge. "I just think it's unnatural how many times you’ve won," you remarked with a smirk that didn’t quite reach your eyes.

Jeongin’s slip-up hung in the air, a tangible weight that seemed to sour the atmosphere of the gathering. Despite your attempt to downplay the incident with a light-hearted quip, the sting of the old nickname echoed like a ghost of past intimacy, making the room feel suddenly foreign and strained. The previously buoyant mood had shifted, leaving behind an undercurrent of unease that neither the laughter nor the playful jabs could dispel.

Jeongin could feel the churning turmoil within him, his heart pounding relentlessly in his chest. The game continued around him, but he found himself withdrawing, purposefully avoiding your gaze. Each stolen glance, each forced smile, was a reminder of the painful reminder of how things had changed. The night, which had started with such promise, now felt heavy and laden with unresolved emotions.

As the hour grew late and the laughter waned, the group, sensing the shift in energy, collectively decided it was time to call it a night. The revelry that had marked the evening dissolved into a subdued murmur as everyone prepared to leave. For Jeongin, the end of the night came as a relief, though it was tinged with a sense of lingering regret and an unspoken wish for things to be different.

As Jeongin made his way through the dimly lit apartment, exchanging farewells with the departing guests, he caught a fleeting glimpse of you darting out of the building. His heart, already heavy with a tumultuous mix of emotions, quickened its pace as he instinctively sought to follow. With an urgency driven by both concern and an aching need to make things right, Jeongin scrambled to retrieve his jacket and pull on his shoes, the night air already beginning to bite at his skin as he hurried after you.

He managed to intercept you just as you stepped out onto the cold street. Your name slipped from his lips before he could catch it, a desperate utterance that hung in the frosty air between you. You paused, your breath visible in the night’s chill, and both of you stood there for a moment, hearts racing in unison. Jeongin's breath came in ragged bursts as he caught up with you, the weight of his impulsive actions settling heavily on his shoulders.

“Let me walk you home,” Jeongin implored, his voice trembling slightly with a mixture of anxiety and hope. The words, simple yet laden with his longing, seemed to hang in the air, as though the night itself held its breath in anticipation of your response. Your eyes softened, reflecting a tempest of emotions as they met his, and your lips parted slightly as if struggling to find the right words.

Instead of speaking, you turned and began walking forward, your steps deliberate yet hesitant. Jeongin, interpreting your silence as tacit consent, fell into step beside you. The street stretched out before you, unfamiliar and shadowed, and the air between you was charged with unspoken sentiments and lingering regrets. Walking side by side felt oddly reminiscent of days gone by, a bittersweet echo of times shared with friends, now tinged with the ache of what had been lost.

In the week since Jeongin learned of your return, he had been trapped in a cycle of conflicting emotions. The pangs of missing you, of realizing the depth of his feelings that still burned despite everything, battled with the frustration of your unexplained departure. Each time anger threatened to overwhelm him, guilt swiftly followed, a reminder of the suffering you must have endured. His internal struggle was a storm of longing and resentment, a turbulent sea he had yet to navigate.

As he stole glances at your profile in the dim streetlight, the familiar contours of your face brought an unexpected rush of grief. Memories of your younger sister, Nari, flooded his mind—her laughter, a joyful sound that once filled the air, her enthusiastic embraces that had always greeted him with warmth. Your eyes, once so bright with shared mirth, now seemed dimmed by her absence.

The realization that Nari would never again tackle him in playful greeting, that her laughter would never again ring out, was a heavy burden. It pressed down on Jeongin’s heart, a reminder of the irreplaceable void left behind. The twinkle that once danced in your eyes when you laughed at Nari's jokes was now a distant memory, a reminder of how deeply her loss had affected both of you. As you walked together through the unfamiliar streets, the weight of these lost joys seemed to bear down on Jeongin, making each step feel heavier than the last.

Engulfed in the whirlpool of his own somber reflections, Jeongin barely noticed when you came to a halt before an old, weathered apartment building. Absorbed in his tumultuous thoughts, he continued forward for a few steps, his mind adrift in a sea of regret and longing. It was only when the melodic sound of your giggle reached his ears, a playful echo that cut through the fog of his melancholy, that he realized he was walking alone. With a start, he turned, his face flushing with a sheepish smile as he moved to stand before you.

You were standing there, your knuckles clenched tightly around the strap of your bag, a telltale sign of the anxiety simmering beneath the surface. Your lips were caught between your teeth, a nervous habit that Jeongin had come to know all too well. The sight of your distress mirrored his own internal turmoil, causing his foot to tap restlessly on the pavement as he waited for you to speak. The tension in the air was palpable, a heavy shroud that seemed to settle between you.

After a few moments of strained silence, you released a shaky breath and offered him a small, timid smile. "It was good to see you again," you said softly, the words tinged with a trace of the anxiety that laced your voice. It was the same sentiment you had voiced earlier in the night, when you had first reappeared in Chan's kitchen after an eight-month absence.

This time, Jeongin’s response came with a gravity that reflected the depth of your absence. "I’m glad you came back," he said, his voice carrying the weight of the months spent apart, yet softened by a flicker of genuine contentment.

Your smile, though hesitant, shone brightly against the backdrop of the night. It was a beacon that pierced through the haze of Jeongin’s heartache, and despite the unresolved tension, he couldn’t help but return it with a warm, albeit uncertain, smile of his own. The air between you crackled with the weight of unspoken words and unresolved feelings, a delicate balance between the urge to bridge the gap and the inability to articulate the depth of your emotions.

As you cast an awkward glance back at the entrance of your apartment, Jeongin understood that you were grappling with the same indecision that plagued him. "This is me," you said, your voice betraying a trace of nervousness as you cleared your throat. "My place is a bit of a distance from our—sorry, your apartment. If you’re comfortable, I can offer you my couch for the night."

Despite the initial reluctance that had gripped him, the prospect of spending more time with you, however fleeting, was too inviting to resist. Jeongin found himself smiling softly, a gesture of acceptance that was both hesitant and heartfelt. Your genuine, wide smile in response seemed to illuminate the night, lifting the veil of uncertainty that had surrounded him. With a renewed sense of hope and a lingering trace of longing, Jeongin followed you inside, each step towards your apartment a tentative step towards mending the fragile thread that connected your hearts.

✦•······················•✦•······················•✦

Your new apartment, though modest in size, exudes a quiet charm, nestled in a serene part of town far removed from the familiar streets you once traversed with Jeongin. The moment he crosses the threshold, he is enveloped by a dissonance of emotions—a strange fusion of comfort and estrangement. The space is distinctly different from the apartment you once shared, yet your presence lingers in every corner, making Jeongin feel both intimately connected and like an outsider peering into a world that has shifted just out of reach.

The living room, modestly furnished, reflects a minimalist elegance. A soft, neutral-colored couch rests against the wall, draped with a knitted throw blanket that adds a touch of warmth. This room is a far cry from the eclectic mix of your past home—a space once filled with a vibrant blend of your belongings and his—but it still bears the subtle imprint of your personality. A small shelf brims with books, many titles familiar from your old collection, but new ones have also appeared, whispering of the changes and growth you’ve experienced in your absence. The windowsill cradles a few houseplants, their greenery a delicate contrast to the sprawling flora that once filled your old living space. They are smaller, more contained, reflecting a more subdued chapter of your life.

Jeongin’s gaze drifts to the walls, bare and unadorned, stark in their emptiness. Gone are the framed photos and art prints that once animated every corner of your shared apartment. The absence of pictures—particularly those of the two of you—leaves an unexpected sting, a painful reminder of what has been left behind. Instead, there is a single framed photograph of your younger sister on a side table by the window, surrounded by a cluster of candles. It stands as a quiet tribute, a poignant memorial that tugs at Jeongin’s heartstrings, reminding him of the grief that ultimately drove a wedge between you both.

The apartment is imbued with a subdued quietness, a stark contrast to the lively energy of your former home, where laughter and soft music once intertwined to create a vibrant ambiance. Here, the atmosphere is more solitary, introspective, as if the space has been intentionally crafted as a sanctuary for healing—a refuge from the chaos of the past. A small kitchen table, cluttered with a few empty glasses and a half-read book, suggests many solitary evenings spent with your thoughts, lost in the pages or gazing into the distance, ensnared by memories.

The kitchen itself bears no evidence of the late-night culinary adventures you used to drag him into, those joyous moments of laughter and flour-covered countertops. As Jeongin takes in the scene, he is overwhelmed by a complex weave of emotions—nostalgia for what was, sorrow for what has been lost, and a poignant ache for the version of you who now stands before him. The differences are striking, revealing a careful, deliberate solitude you’ve constructed around yourself in this new space. It feels as though you’ve created a bubble of tranquility, a place where you can breathe freely from the weight of the past, and he wonders if there is still a place for him within it or if you have moved on to a new chapter without him.

The emptiness of your new apartment weighs heavily on him. It’s not merely the physical void but the absence of the vibrant, unfiltered you that he used to know. Standing there, a guest in what might have been his world, Jeongin is acutely aware of how much has changed and how deeply he still yearns for the comfort of what once was, now replaced by the stark reality of what is.

As Jeongin steps into your new apartment, he takes in its subtle details with a blend of curiosity and nostalgia. You move about with a quiet, almost anxious energy, as if the mere act of tidying is a way to manage the fluttering tension between you. Your hands, unsure of their purpose, engage in small, inconsequential tasks: smoothing the corner of the knitted blanket draped over the couch, adjusting the book that rests on the kitchen table, and shifting a houseplant slightly to the left. It is evident that you are aware of his gaze, but you strive to give him space to absorb his surroundings.

The silence stretches until you break it, your voice soft yet resolute. "It's not much, but... it's mine." There’s a delicate balance in your tone, a mixture of pride laced with vulnerability. You glance at him, seeking to gauge his reaction, your eyes reflecting a world of untold emotions. As you move towards the small kitchen area, you open a cabinet and retrieve two glasses. "Do you want some water? Tea? I think I have some wine if you'd prefer that." Your words tumble out in a gentle stream, an attempt to fill the quiet with something tangible, yet they carry an earnestness that reveals your underlying uncertainty about where you both stand.

Jeongin watches you, his gaze softening as he observes the careful grace of your movements—each gesture imbued with a quiet protectiveness, as if you're safeguarding something tender within yourself. The silence deepens for a moment before he responds, his voice subdued and tentative. "Water's fine." It is clear that he is navigating this new terrain with caution, his tone reflective of the delicate balance between past familiarity and present distance. You nod and move towards the fridge, your back turned to him as you pour the water.

Jeongin’s eyes wander around the apartment once more, deliberately avoiding the back of your head as you focus on the task at hand. When you hand him the glass, your fingers brush against his, sending a shiver through him. It’s a sensation he’s not quite accustomed to after all this time apart. He accepts the glass with a quiet "thanks," savoring the cool water as it soothes his dry throat. 

"Let’s sit," you suggest, motioning towards the couch. There is a steadiness in your voice that carries a quiet confidence, reminiscent of the times you had managed to ground him amidst the chaos. Jeongin follows you and settles beside you on the couch. The cushions feel foreign and different from those he remembers, amplifying his sense of longing for the comfort of the home you once shared. 

For a brief moment, Jeongin is at a loss for words, overwhelmed by the tangled emotions in his chest. He is unsure where to begin, but you gently ease the tension. "How’s work been?" you inquire, your voice a soothing balm to the heaviness in the room. "Are you still at the same clinic?" 

Grateful for the opening, Jeongin nods. "Yeah, still there. We started a new program recently... working with kids who've been through some really tough stuff. It’s been challenging, but rewarding." He watches as your eyes soften, a sign of the empathy and kindness he’s always admired in you. The sight of your genuine smile, the one he’s missed so dearly, is like a balm on a wound that has long ached. 

"That sounds so nice. You've always been so good with children." Your compliment is heartfelt, and Jeongin feels a pang of longing.

He responds with a light-hearted joke, "That’s more your area of expertise," referring to your work as a school counselor. You chuckle softly, taking a sip of water, and Jeongin senses there’s more you wish to share.

"And... what about everything else? How have you been holding up?" Your question is gentle but probing, and Jeongin’s grip tightens around his glass.

"It’s been... different," he admits. "The apartment feels empty without you there. Like something’s missing."

Jeongin hadn't intended for his words to emerge with such raw intensity, but they tumble out before he can rein them in. He watches as they land upon you, the way your gaze falls and a shadow of sorrow flits across your face. "I'm sorry," you murmur, the words almost lost in the quiet of the room. "For leaving like that. I didn’t know what else to do."

Your apology strikes a chord deep within him, a resonance of shared pain and regret. "I know," he replies softly, his voice carrying the weight of understanding. "I don’t really blame you. We both had to figure things out." The atmosphere between you shifts, the earlier tension giving way to something more tender—like an old wound beginning to mend. 

Jeongin sits beside you on the couch, his nerves stretched taut, a wire humming with unspoken words. His hands are clenched in his lap, a desperate attempt to hold himself together as the silence stretches, thick and heavy. His gaze is drawn to you, to the way you hold your glass of water—fingers wrapped around it as if it were a lifeline, anchoring you to some semblance of normalcy. 

He recognizes that look in your eyes—the one that signals you are about to reveal something profound, something that has been weighing on you. "When I left," you start, your voice so faint it nearly dissolves into the air. Jeongin’s breath catches in his throat. He had no clear expectations for the evening, but he can feel that whatever is coming will be laced with pain.

"I didn’t really have a plan," you continue, your voice trembling with the weight of your confession. "I just... needed to get away." He watches as your eyes drift to the water in your glass, your reflection shimmering and distorted. The impulse to reach out and offer comfort is almost overwhelming, but he remains still, his focus entirely on you.

"I ended up halfway across the country," you say, your voice gaining a faint thread of strength. "I reached out to Lily. You remember her, right? From college?" Jeongin nods, a wistful smile tugging at his lips despite the ache in his chest. He recalls Lily’s vivacious spirit, her constant care for you, and feels a pang of gratitude that she was there for you in a way he couldn't be.

"She didn’t ask questions; she just told me to come," you add. Jeongin’s heart clenches at the image of you in a strange, distant place, the weight of your grief looming like an oppressive storm. He loathes the thought of you feeling so alone and adrift, needing to travel so far for solace.

"She lives in this tiny coastal town," you continue, your voice lightening slightly as you recall the memory. "For a while, I thought maybe that was what I needed—being somewhere far away from everything." Jeongin can almost visualize it—a serene seaside town where the waves gently erase footprints, a place where time seems to stretch indefinitely, offering a balm for the wounded soul.

Yet, beneath the surface of your words, Jeongin senses an undercurrent of dissatisfaction. The coastal retreat, while soothing, evidently fell short of the healing you sought. His heart aches, burdened by the realization that he wasn’t able to provide the support you needed, even as he too was grappling with his own struggles. The distance between your shared past and the present feels vast, and he yearns for a way to bridge that gap, to be the anchor you needed, even though he was floundering himself.

You pause, and Jeongin watches as you swallow hard, the movement of your throat a testament to the weight of your words. "I eventually realized that it wasn't enough," you say, your voice trembling with the effort to hold back tears. "I needed more help. So, I checked myself into a grief recovery program..." The words falter, and Jeongin feels a tightening in his chest, the emotion reflected in your wavering tone. "A place where people go when they've lost someone and don't know how to keep living."

He stares at you, his vision blurring as he grapples with the magnitude of your suffering. He's known grief, but seeing it through your eyes—so raw, so utterly consuming���is a new experience for him. Guilt crashes over him like a relentless wave. He wasn't there for you. He couldn't help. He didn't even know how to begin.

Jeongin opens his mouth, an apology poised on his lips, but you continue, your voice cutting through the silence with a quiet determination. "There were days I wanted to leave, but I stayed. I wrote a lot. I planted a small garden there, just to feel like I was nurturing something again, you know? And slowly, I started to remember things without feeling like they were completely breaking me."

His hands tremble in his lap, the truth of your words stirring a deep regret within him. He should be happy that you found a way forward, relieved that you began to heal, but instead, he is overwhelmed by the ache of not being there for you—by the realization that he had abandoned you when you needed him most. His eyes search yours, desperate for some sign that you don’t harbor hatred towards him.

"I can't imagine what that must've been like," he finally manages, his voice thick with emotion. "I'm sorry... I'm sorry I ended things when you needed me. I didn’t know how to help you through it, and I—"

You shake your head, a wistful smile curving your lips. "I didn’t know how to let you help me, either. And I wasn’t ready to accept Nari’s death and move on yet. That’s why I left." Your words settle into the spaces between his ribs, a cold weight pressing heavily on his chest. He wants to explain, to tell you that he was lost too, that he struggled to keep his own head above water while watching you drown. But he stays silent, knowing that this moment belongs to you, just as much as it does to him.

"I needed to find a way to live with the grief," you say softly, "to not let it define every part of me. And maybe I needed to see if I could come back and face everything, including you."

Jeongin’s heart skips at that, a flicker of hope igniting within him. There is a softness in your eyes that he hasn't seen in so long, a hint of something that almost resembles hope. He takes a breath, feeling a slight loosening of the weight of his own regrets. "I'm glad you did," he murmurs, his voice barely above a whisper. "I missed you—missed this, even if it wasn’t always easy."

You nod, and he sees a myriad of emotions dance across your face—relief, uncertainty, and perhaps the faintest trace of affection. There is much to unpack, many layers to explore, but for now, this moment of quiet honesty, of shared pain and cautious hope, feels like a tentative step towards understanding.

Jeongin notices his hand is closer to yours than he had realized, and for a fleeting moment, he wonders what it would be like to reach out, to touch your skin once more. But he doesn’t. Not yet. For now, he is content to sit beside you, to listen, and to cherish the hope that this—whatever it is—might be the beginning of finding each other again.

꒰ 🏷️ ꒱ ミ Permanent taglist: @agi-ppangx @sunnyrisee @jisunglyricist @nxtt2-u @nebugalaxy @bokk-minnie @tajannah-price1 @lixies-favorite-cookie @madewithchildlabor (Click on the link to join! All you have to do is answer a few questions to help me stay organized!)

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🍉 FROM THE RIVER TO THE SEA, PALESTINE WILL BE FREE! DAILY CLICKS!

[jadeee]

Living with Nanami - Part 2

feel free to read part 1 here 🛋️ I poured my heart into the first one and what do you know, I did the same thing here. this is incredibly long so consider youreself warned.

Not a lot of pillows on the couch or bed. It's just not practical. Honestly, he doesn't really care too much about this so he lets you have free reign. As long as it's comfortable enough to relax on, he's happy.

If you're like most people, your plants are barely surviving. They only get water when you remember. You don't think much about re-potting them, fluffing the soil, or moving them toward the sun from time to time; so, that unintentionally becomes Nanami's part time job. He can'r just leave them to die! Because then you'll complain, then buy another plant only for it to wilt within a matter of days.

The routine he develops is actually quite nice. He takes care of your plants every Saturday morning while you're still in bed - wiping their leaves of dust, checking how damp the soil is, looking for pests. When you comment on how well they're growing he simply says "Yes, they are," feeling a bit of pride swell in his chest.

Self-insert: One night, you two paint some terracotta pots together. Nanami isn't really sure what he's doing. He's not very artsy or creative; it comes so naturally to you and he's a bit envious because you make it look easy. The corner of his mouth was tight as he dragged the paint brush across the fragile pot in his hand. When he pulled back, he eyed it with obvious disappointment. {** pls read the footnote to hear the inspo behind this}

You sensed your husband's uneasiness like an incoming storm. "Ken, let me see." your voice was soft as you leaned over and he turned his handiwork toward you. Your eyes tried to make sense out of the shapes and lines.

"It's supposed to be an animal."

"... oh..."

"Is it really that bad?"

Heat filled your face "What?! No! It's," you studied the piece "abstract."

A soft grumble left him then but he perked up when you grabbed his artwork from him then started to add to it. After a moment, you flashed him the newly improved piece which was another little creature by the animal along with your shared initials. A remnant of a smile flashed across his face.

If you read part 1, do you remember that special framed object I mentioned? It's actually a memento from one of your earlier dates. You're cleaning your purse out one day when Kento walks over and notices an old receipt. He's a bit surprised when you don't throw it out. A smile forms when he hears you say "It means a lot to me." Because it's personal, it's in the bedroom away from prying eyes. Whenever he looks at it, he remembers that moment and it makes him feel warm, safe... loved.

Please don't hang those pictures and things on your own. He doesn't want you to accidentally fall or hurt yourself, so he prefers to do it. Maybe it's just me but I get the feeling these would be perfectly hung. Nice and straight, not slightly crooked.

Always interested to see how you'll redecorate the place when you get "bored". He'll study your Pinterest board and even search for things in his free time -- although he may not tell you. When I say 'search', I mean he's a collaborator on your board so he's adding notes and inspiration when he has the time but he's also searching for what you have so you can actually put it into your home. Imagine coming home one day to a package and he's not there yet. You: Hey, did you order this? *image* Kento: I did. I was hoping to get home first so I could set it up as a surprise. You: Aww! What is it? Kento: Don't open it. Just wait until I get there. You: Okay .... but what is it? Kento: Don't. Open. It. You: But.. Kento: 🫥 You: 🧍‍♀️... please? Kento: No. You: .... just a peek? Kento: (y/n), no. ~His sixth sense kicked in when you didn't respond right away.~ Kento: You did it anyway, didn't you? You: Sorry, I couldn't help it but aaahhhh I LOVE IT! TYSM! 🥰 Kento: You can be so impatient. You're welcome ❤️ Just don't set it up without me, ok? I don't want you to hurt yourself. You: Okay 😊 thank you, dear darling husband💐 Kento: You're welcome, sweetheart ❤️ I love you. You: I love you too, prob more Kento: Oh, don't start. You: 🤭

Side note: he really loves when you call him sweet little nicknames or things like 'darling'. No one's ever seen him in that light so you calling him something so soft and endearing makes his heart sing.

In regard to texting and all things tech, he's a fast learner but he doesn't dedicate himself to keeping up with these kind of things. So when you mention a new game system or getting a DVD player or projector {I saw a tiktok months ago where this lady's living room setup was a projector instead of a TV and now I want one} he's a bit indifferent. He doesn't really care as long as it's not costly and smthn you'll only use sparingly, go for it. Don't be surprised when he starts using it though, after you teach him ofc lol. Imagine coming home early after runngin errands and he's playing your switch 😂 I can also see him using emojis without knowing their intent {example: the sweat emoji}. If you get a DVD player or have anything similar, he actually loves it. He's a milennial {hope I got that right} so the whole thing is nostalgic for him. It makes him feel young again.

He'd have a few special movies that are close to his heart and remind him of better days before he met you. I'd bet everything I own that he has a DVD of the movie(s), he and Yu would watch. He doesn't watch it at first because he already tears up just holding it in his hand so it sits on the shelf for a while. When you inquire about it, he briefly talks about it. He's already told you about Yu and his entire past so you're not surprised. He loves how you don't push him to talk any further though, you're a quiet comfort and he couldn't ask for anything more. One day, he does watch the movie though, I'd imagine it's when he's by himself. 9 times out of 10 it's some horrible comedy. Yu loved it and Nanami only suffered through it for his friend's sake. As the movie plays on, he chuckles at some horrible joke then gets teary eyed when he hears the echoes of Yu's laughter in his mind. "Y'know he'd be proud of you, right?" he hears your words playback in his head then wipes his tears.

He's a laundry wizard. I remember seeing a post a long time ago that said smthn like 'we know he's great at laundry because how does he get all the blood off his clothes'. Can't find it but shoutout to the OP. This would honestly come in clutch for whatever period incidents you have {bc it happens}. I love this though bc he's completely unfazed when it first happens. He sees you rushing to the bathroom and watches you try to get it out then just says he can take care of it. Imagine just watching him to learn 😭he gets a little flustered but tries to maintain his seriousness.

"Wait," you move closer to him until you're peering over his shoulder. Your scent envelops him and he hates how quickly the blood rushes to his cheeks.

"Hm?" he stops working at the stain then looks back at you.

"How much of that stuff did you use?"

"Just a capful."

"Oh, okay." you remain close to him "Continue."

He didn't speak. He couldn't so he just did as told, rubbing out the stain with you hovering over his shoulder.

Actually gets a bit upset when he sees you taking the trash out for the first time. He doesn't yell but he simply stands by you and takes the bag out of your hands with a "I've got it". Tradition gets the best of him at times. His reasoning is that he "doesn't want you to get your hands dirty".

Everything has a designated spot. He'd prefer if you don't move things but if you must, at least tell him first. This actually made me think of the "Honey, where's my super suit?!" scene from The Incredibles lol.

The welcome mat at the front door is what solidified it for him. Seeing it everyday when he unlocks the door just makes him feel so warm. When his eyes land on you popping your head out of the kitchen to greet him with a brief "hey!" they tear up just a bit. He sheds his coat and shoes then walks into the kitchen to wrap his arms around you and bury his head in the crook of your neck. You chuckle out of surprise then wrap your arms around him "Are you ok?" Your fingers find their way to his undercut to give him that comforting caress. He blesses you with one of those low hums of contentment.

Domesticity really brings out the softer side of him. Don't get me wrong, it was always there but the fact that you two now have a place to call your own. It's not an apartment or a small shared space but a house that you've turned into a home. He can paint the walls with you, build a garden, maybe a nursery... he can live here. He can be happy... he can be happy with you.

You don't know he's thinking all of this though. All you know is that one morning, you're glancing out the window and see your husband painting the mailbox. The fabric of your houserobe feels warm on your skin as you step outside. "What are you do-" your eyes land on the white paint of his unfinished work which reads "Nan" in white paint. "I figured we'd be here for a while." he glances at you with rosy cheeks, still holding the paintbrush in his hand. "Where's mine?" He chuckles and hands you his paintbrush then places a kiss on the top of your head. For once, and more to come, he let himself smile fully as he watches you add "a" to your shared last name. "Y'know darling, you shouldn't be out here dressed like that. People may want you for themselves." "I guess you'll have to let them know I'm your wife then." you glance back at him with a smirk then face forward to finish the last detail of your work. When you turn around to hand him the paintbrush, he barely grips it before pulling you in for a brief kiss. The morning feels cool on his skin. The birds are chirping... are they bluejays? He'd find out tomorrow when he wakes up by your side and hears them again.

Author's Note: I think we've established I'm sick for this man made up of lines and colors.

** In season 1, episode 3 of Life Lessons with Uramichi Oniisan, there's a scene where Uramichi is watching TV and a commercial pops up for the viewer to take a psychological test by drawing simple pictures. One of the pictures is an animal and he draws a dog. He then has to send the picture to other people to see if they can accurately guess what it is and it's meant to show if he/the viewer has personality issues. You should be able to watch the full clip here, just go to 21:00! Lmk if the link works or not - this is honestly such a favorite of mine and I haven't even finished it.

p.s.: I found out about the show when I used to work at the mall, LUSH for pple who are curious, and one of the girls/a customer had this really cool tattoo of this funky looking bird. Idk what it was so ofc I had to ask - then she tells me that her and her friend, who was by her side, have matching ones and that it's from Life Lessons with Uramichi Oniisan! I made sure to watch the show when I had time and even though I haven't finished it, I plan on it. He's so relatable, too relatable lmbo, and I can see some similarites between Kento and he; so now I have to finish it, right?

p.p.s: if you read all that, here's your reward lol 🧋🌼🥠🍎🫂

[featureenvyproductions]

my thoughts on how to do Basically Kinda cel animation but cheap as fuck. strap in this is a long post and there are many swears PART 1

Really long intro

ok so I was animating my thing the other month right, and I was going to infodump on how I do cel animation without the right training from the comfort of my chaotic mess of an office. But I got into it and I was like "my god, I'm going to have surgery in a few months and my gofundme has accumulated dust, I can't be buying fucking $1/each cels and more paint". that got me thinking like....MOST people are probably like "wow I'm broke as shit I can't do this" even if they want to, but I think you can, so I took a couple weekends to hurl myself face first into seeing if I could do this - the version for if you're broke as fuck or don't want to spend money.

Obviously if you want something good quality AND you don't want to make this a struggle, splurge on good supplies like real cels and paint if you have the money. But if you don't or you just want to fuck around, this info dump is for you.

Disclaimer: I'm not a professional (if you can't already tell lol 👀👀👀) and I have no idea if this is what cal arts would approve of or whatever the shit but to be brutally honest, I also don't give a fuck, they're too busy fulfilling their role as the gatekeepers of the human-expression-to-corporate-tax-write-off pipeline to watch your heartfelt if low res artistic expression so come join me in this pit and let's just do whatever the fuck we want with whatever we got.

My goal is to give you ideas so you too can do the fucking thing. It's not gonna be Snow White. It's not gonna even be Steamboat Willie. That's fine. The point is to do the thing anyway and make some shit you wouldn't have tried otherwise. (And share it with me here on the internet bc I'm bored and depressed. If you feel like it) because sure you can go and pull up your 2d animation software and rig some shit up and blow anything I can do by hand out of the water in about 3 min flat but THATS NOT THE POINT IS IT THE POINT IS THAT YOU TOO WANT TO EXPERIENCE ART AS SUFFERING AND MAYBE ALSO UNDERSTAND THAT SOFTWARE DOESNT MAKE ART FORMS OBSOLETE.

Anyway let me just stow this soap box under the counter real quick.

There.

K So I'm gonna go through how I tackled this challenge - cheap ass cel animation - starting with prep, then the drawing steps, then getting the shit into some form where you can put all the frames together.

Prerequisite suggestion

This ramble assumes that you at least vaguely understand how drawing works and understand the basic idea of how animation works. How to animate overall - like the principals of animation- is a wee bit outside the scope of this post, in no small part because I know there are a BILLION people out there who understand those principles and execute them better than I do. I think I followed some of Aaron Blaise's videos to learn, but there are also other tutorials on YouTube. I also just learned from watching pencil tests and filming references of my long suffering friend in which i gave her instructions like "ok NOW put your hands on your hips dramatically in the direction of that rock". But yeah like I said the principals of animation themselves are better off taught by someone who isn't me (and I'm honestly still practicing).

Alright that's enough intro. Let's start with setup

FINALLY THE INGREDIENTS LIST

Most of the stuff in this ?tutorial? is really probably honestly laying around your house right now, especially if you live with any 50+ people who have ever had an office job. But I will talk about costs anyway in case you're starting from scratch. I found pretty much all of the stuff at Dollar Tree, and yeah, it's not an ideal place to go, but also this is a tutorial for if you're broke. And also unlike things that you have to repeatedly buy that cost you more per unit in the long run, most things you are using here are one time necessities, so you really are saving money. ....Now I'm in the US. If you're not in the US, I think there are also similar stores in other places....It'll be similar to something like if there's a shop that sells stuff for 1-2 euro or whatever. Things at dollar tree range from about 1-5 bucks, but I managed this with the $1.25 items (some were actually less than that but I lost track of my receipt).

You will need the following shit for part 1 of this vaguely educational series:

The smallest cheapest strand of fairy lights you can get. Mine were battery powered, doesn't really matter either way. If you can get white ones get white ones. (I could Not find white ones :/)*

Batteries if they need batteries *

An 8.5x11 drawing pad (at the dollar store I got the 64 pg one)

A translucent container with a flat bottom. I got a little 8x12 storage basket for this. You probably can't get anything big at the dollar store but try to get something with a bottom as close to the drawing pad size as possible (it's ok if it's a little smaller) *

Scissors (or a knife/craft knife you don't mind destroying. You may want safety goggles if you don't have them. These also exist in dollar tree)**

Clear tape**

Something small and tube like. Maybe plastic straws. I actually used flagpoles from those tiny flags, you know the ones (ok these in the picture are NOT from dollar tree and i will provide excuses later on in this document. You could also use straws i think)

Hole punch

Super glue (or the strongest adhesive you can otherwise get if this isn't available to you)**

pencils (I don't know why I didn't take a picture of them but you're on the gay art website I feel like you've probably seen a pencil in your life)

sharpie (you'll use it more later but you might as well get it now)

A pack of sheet protectors (you may or may not need more depending on how many frames you're doing but for now one will do but for this first part you only need one)

* this is part of an optional component but you WANT TO HAVE IT TRUST ME

**if you are REALLY not in the mood to buy these things and you don't need the tape/scissors for the above optional item, you can technically just go to FedEx and like make a cheap b/w self serve photocopy of something to avoid the employees yelling at you and then quickly go use their choppy thing and the tape and scissors they have laying around in the self serve area. They may have a hole punch too idk

And now FOR THE MAKING PART

First thing to make: substitute peg bar

Some things I'm doing here are optional, but the one that really isn't is the peg bar. That's the thing that keeps all your stuff lined up. Without this your frames are going to be moving all over the place and movements won't register the right way. It's got (if you couldn't guess) pegs on it. And these match up with the holes in your paper or cels.

This is a real peg bar

I think this is like 16-20 bucks if you buy it on Amazon, maybe a smidge cheaper if you go through someone else (I will discuss traditional animation supplies for when you're NOT broke as shit in another post). The problem is that this is for acme punched paper (notice how two of the holes are long). Yes it helps things register better, but we're going to be punching our own paper and a 700 dollar acme punch is NOT in our budget today.

There is a version of a peg bar you can get that fits normal hole punch holes. But this isn't the buy things the easy way tutorial, this is the broke as fuck tutorial. So we're going to be making this shit.

Steps to make the thing (I'm sorry about this list not being numbered apparently even when you fuck with the html directly you can't put images in a numbered list on this webbed site):

Ok first we need some cardboard or cardstock. Something sturdier than regular paper. OH GUESS WHAT WE HAVE THAT. If you don't have other stuff to use laying around, take all the backing cardstock off the drawing pad. Be careful to keep as much of the adhesive stuff left on the actual paper as possible.

We're going to cut that into strips. Keep them as straight as possible. They should be like 1/2-3/4 in wide.

(You may want to skip ahead in the steps a bit to see how we're using this so when we use tape in this step you can avoid putting it where the pegs go. You don't have to but things will stick better) Stack them and tape them together as tightly as possible. This will be the bar part of the bar.

Take one of your page protectors and place it on the bar and try to center the middle hole on the bar. Trace that hole onto the bar and pick two others to trace (pick circle ones that fit entirely onto the bar).

Now we make the pegs. You will use the flags for this (or straws, see flags and note in the Ingredients TM list) So I actually had these pride flags from Walmart (please remember we are trying to stay dirt fucking cheap here, I promise I don't usually go to Walmart at all.) Bc my dollar tree doesn't have them yet, HOWEVER I KNOW THEY WILL BECAUSE IVE GOTTEN THEM BEFORE so technically by the time I finish writing this you will be able to get them there most likely. Now the great thing about cheap flags is they're cheap. That means they use shitty hollow plastic tubes as poles. That's great for us because we are going to snip off the ends and use them as pegs. You want to measure up a 1/2 inch from the bottom and cut them. Do this on 3 SEPARATE flags, because you want at least one perfectly flat end for each (that's likely the factory end, so keep track of which end that is). You can also use plastic straws for this probably, or paper sticks for thick lolly pops. The idea is whatever you use needs to fit the page protector holes.

Take your super glue or other adhesive and put a little on the "pegs" and attach them (factory side down) to the bar where you marked the holes in step 4. (note that the pic shows that I taped both this and the thing you're making next to the leftover cardstock to keep it all together, which is an option but you don't have to if you like to suffer)

Let this dry while we work on the next part.

Second thing to make: "light box" (I use this term COMICALLY loosely. Optional but you will have an easier life if you have one)

This is the LED Light pad I use for animating. If you can afford like 30 bucks, just splurge and get one. It helps you cheat and see your previous pencil drawings under the current one so you can better draw the current frame. (And before you ask yes I know it looks like I dug it out of apocalypse aftermath rubble I will not be taking criticism at this time,,,,)

If you can't afford that, we're going to MacGyver together a little apparatus that works basically the same way. The "we have LED light box at home" if you will.

(I mean you can also just tape a peg bar to a window and go at it which is free but your arms are going to hurt drawing like that. You can also just get really good at page flipping while drawing. I am NOT good at that )

Steps to make the thing:

Remember how I made you get a plastic container with as flat of a bottom as possible? (It can be flat on the inside or outside bottom doesn't matter) We're going to mutilate that. Put on your safety glasses if you have them and you're scissor-cutting something that tends to crack rather than bend because the occasional plastic shard will fly off. Cut the sides off the container. It's probably easier with a knife but I was all about suffering. Try to get as much of the sides off as possible. It's ok to leave some of them if that's the side you'll have facing down. (For me my container had an annoying hard to cut rim on the bottom so I just decided to cut the sides off entirely and have that side down).

Take your fairy lights out and unwind them. If you have battery powered ones... Pry the cheap little battery compartment open (you can see there's a screw driver there so use one if you have it but this plastic is so cheap you'll probably be able to just bend the cover and pry it open and rotate it out of the way tbh) and stick the batteries in. We do this first to make sure the lights work before we waste time using them.

Cut a little notch in the side of your plastic piece where the wires can go.

Flip your plastic piece so that the side facing you is the side you want facing down the rest of the time when you're actually drawing on this thing.

Feed the wire from the battery box (or coming off the plug if no battery box) through the little notch , with the battery box OUTSIDE the plastic area, and tape the wire in place.

Now arrange the strand so you have as even as possible a distribution of lights all over the plastic, and tape the wires down to hold the arrangement in place.

Flip it back over and switch it on. Voila shitty light box. Now you can't put a lot of PRESSURE on this but it'll do the job. You can see like 1-2 previous images through it too believe it or not. And this is with these horrible yellow lights I found, if you have brighter ones it should be more effective. (Now switch it off so you don't eat battery life)

Now let's get the paper ready

Now that the first part of your setup is done you need shit to do your pencil tests/preliminary animation on. (The thing you'll eventually trace onto the cel)

Take the paper you removed the backing from. We're going to mark and punch it. We'll be punching from the ADHESIVE/PERFORATED SIDE. This is important because it will help keep the pages and therefore holes aligned when we take the hole punch after it.

Here's how you go about it for the best result in my humble opinion:

If you made your peg bar as above, you've already removed the cardstock cover of your cheap drawing pad so go to step 2. If you haven't, then remove the cardstock cover/backing from your pad now. Try to keep the adhesive intact as much as you possibly can (basically you want to keep the pages from slipping when you eventually punch them so they need to stay in a neat little stack. If you're having trouble or you're having to use a different type of paper such as ink jet paper, you can probably also achieve this with binder clips in a pinch- is that what they're called? the black things? look like 90s butterfly hair things if you squint? Just make sure the paper is stacked evenly and the stack is held firmly together. )

Still trying to keep the adhesive holding the stack together as much as possible, carefully separate the paper into 2 or 3 smaller stacks. (ignore the hole markings in this picture I took it after I realized I needed to demonstrate this step)

Take one stack and put one of the sheet protectors over it, lining the side with the holes up so that that edge is along the perforation in the drawing paper (if you're using a different type of paper than the dollar store pad, line the edge of the sheet protector up with the edge of the paper, but move it about 1/8th to 1/4th inch away from the edge. basically you don't want the holes right on the edge of the paper). Trace the holes onto the paper with a pen or pencil. (Note: if you're using a manufactured peg bar, use that to determine the hole placement instead of a sheet protector - it'll be easier to modify the holes in sheet protectors if necessary later).

Carefully, keeping the stack of paper all lined up and together, punch each of your three holes with the hole punch. (The reason you made stacks is that do you really want to do this with each individual page? I didn't think so)

Ok Let's Try It Out!!

Alright here's a shot of me using this to draw some frames from my animation about some creepy deer (coming soon to a feature envy productions official tumblr near you). You take some paper and carefully place it on the pegs, sketch a key frame, and then place another sheet over that on the pegs, switch on the "light box" and sketch the next key frame, referencing the first one. (Oh and of course make sure you're drawing on the smooth side - not the side you taped the lights to). Like I said, this is definitely like. If you have no other options you might as well try it - You generally can see through about 3 sheets of paper in a dark room. At least the key areas. So you should be able to in between with this setup as well. Not great but hey! If you're on a strict budget, you can still do this, and it beats buying a bunch of expensive shit on Amazon. I'm pretty confident that most people have almost all of these items laying around their house like I said, but let's break it down - If you're like me and you animate at 24 fps but on 3s, that's an average of 8 frames per second. So for each pad of dollar store paper, you're getting about 8 seconds of animation (maybe more, maybe less). You can factor that in when deciding how many drawing pads to purchase (keep in mind if your backgrounds are very simple, you may be able to use the additional cardstock for this purpose as well instead of using up sheets of paper).

Stay tuned because we're not done yet!

Part 2 will be Inking and painting. (Note: on the day I'm writing this I have a placeholder post there, but if it's still a placeholder when you look, please keep checking, I will add the second part, I just didn't want someone to have to HUNT for it if you're looking at this from like a year from now) Yes ink and paint. You didn't think I was getting you all excited for a vine's worth of pencil tests were you? no we're doing the whole expensive process from pencils to final product. And I'm going to show you the cheapest way I could figure out.

[animated-wonderworld]

Spirited Away: My favourite film of all time

I will always be an outright lover of all things animation. From shows to films; animation to me, is the purest artistic form of expression visually. Of course not every animated film is spectacular or ground-breaking, but when there is enough passion and care put into the work, every frame can be a painting; every moment can be beautiful; every well-woven story can stick by your side like your own shadow. One of these films that encapsulate these beliefs of animated films is Spirited Away (2001) directed by Hayao Miyazaki, my favourite film of all time.

One of Studio Ghibli’s most popular films (if not, THE most popular out of their filmography), Spirited Away is following Chihiro, a stubborn and bratty young girl who gets transported in the Spirit realm with her parents who've turned into pigs. She gets hired as a bathhouse worker, under the employ of the witch Yubaba, and she must escape the realm and get back her parents before they’re all trapped, with her family stuck as pigs forever. 

I think one of the aspects that always draws me to the film is the journey of Chihiro within the film; when re-watching the film, I found myself stunned to see our protagonist so different in the beginning of the film. I mean, that is the nature of the character arc, but what I’m implying is that I’m impressed at how they made her progression feel so natural. At the start of the film, she’s annoyed that she has to move to a different place with complete strangers, being content with where she was at right then. As I said before “stubborn and bratty”.

Of course, these circumstances are ramped up to 11 as she’s transported to the completely alien Spirit Realm, her parents are turned to mindless pigs, and with no way out; she is absolutely alone. I think the film excels at reflecting the true emotions of children going through these sporadic changes. It’s scary; it’s isolating; you don’t know who to turn to. A lot of Ghibli’s films are like that (Kiki’s Delivery Service, Ponyo, Castle In The Sky), but while they are attached to other themes, Spirited Away is solely focused on the idea of childhood and maturity, allowing the film to explore it to its fullest extent through Chihiro. 

What helps add to her struggle is that she’s never given a helping hand in the beginning; she’s shunned and disgusted by her apparitional colleagues because she’s a human, and thus greedy (I would call racist but… we kinda are). And while she complains and struggles, it doesn’t stop her from trying. She pushes forward as well as she can, and it pays off. It may not seem like a riveting experience, watching someone work in a bathhouse, but I was so invested in Chihiro’s journey to succeed because she just tries so hard. There’s no other way to describe it.

We see her trials become bigger and more challenging, but as a bonus, she grows and matures to face the issue, with more of her colleagues to back her up. It’s a slow but natural progression of events, facing off against no-face (a secondary antagonist) and a dragon god of a lake, but the moments that stick out of my mind are those moments of quiet and contemplation; after a tiring shift at the bathhouse, or surviving a life-threatening situation, she faces them with the same stoic maturity she’s earned in the film. They’re oddly peaceful and beautiful. For Miyazaki, he calls these moments 'Ma', meaning emptiness; to recalibrate and recollect. Sometimes, I can’t even describe why those moments resonate with me so much; is it because they’re a much needed break from the chaos and insanity that the film’s world gives? Is it because they’re an abstract understanding about the peace of our surroundings? Is it because I yearn for those quiet moments in my own life? Who knows. 

As Chihiro matures, so do the characters around her. Yubaba, the workers in the bathhouse, No-Face, they all start off as antagonists driven by greed (a secondary theme to the film.) Yubaba strives for wealth and fortune, No-face constantly wants and eats and devours with no real way to stop, and Chihiro, in a way, is greedy for her time in her old life. But again, they all become better people through the help of Chihiro; No-Face finds a non destructive purpose that helps somebody else, the workers become more helpful and supportive, and Chihiro learns to accept the changes around her and move forward with her head held high. Of course, not all of the characters change for the better, but change isn’t for everyone. 

I think it’s a great sign that I spent nearly 800 words discussing the film and haven’t even gotten to the animation itself, and what else could I say other than stunning? As a lover of creature designs as well, I deeply adore the spirit designs, relying on the deep Japanese culture to influence their look. I also always appreciate when animators take time to create moments that make them feel more human; either Chihiro slightly tripping by a hill or prepping to eat. It’s a laborious process but it’s incredibly worth it. There’s something so satisfying seeing it in a different animated perspective. This isn’t even mentioning all the gorgeously detailed backgrounds and settings that look like they could be their own pieces of art.

I haven’t even gotten to discuss the well-performed acting from both Japanese and English voice actors or masterfully composed music by Joe Hisaishi. There are so many aspects of this film that I have barely scratched the surface of what makes this film a masterpiece. Spirited Away is a beautiful film about maturity in a scary new world and greed and how it can corrupt,  that's both invigorating and relaxing. Her struggles and growth are universal and brilliantly written; there's a reason why this is many people's favourite, and I hope this review illustrates why this is mine.

[zoloxolo]

Project Thoughts: Thesis Film - Acquainting Painting [Sep 19 2024]

Starting today, I'm going to be journaling my thoughts on every personal project I'm actively working on. Not only does this help me keep on track on long-term projects that last more than a month, but I tend to regret not keeping up with a life journal when I was younger. I'll probably make multiple series for future entries on different topics, but for now, my current goal for the next few months is to make a film that can help me break into the industry... or maybe transfer to an art college before getting a job. Whichever comes first.

I would also like to add that this doesn't include projects that break NDA contracts for future jobs I may have in the industry.

Aight so I've been kinda losing sleep thinking about this project, only to soon realize the things I'm trippin out about isn't a big deal.

This is a schedule I created for myself so that i can finish my film on time. Tuesday was the last day in the storyboard phase, and I only have half of it done. I thought I was going to keep the majority of the boards I worked on in CSSSA, but as I was fleshing out the characters in my film's backstory, the more ambitious the film became. When I last worked on the storyboard, I ended up re-imagining the ending and trying figure out how i was going to board the middle part. And with the song im using only being a minute long, it can be challenging to fit a lot of important scenes in a few seconds.

To take my mind off of it, I tried working on one of the backgrounds this morning. It took about an hour just to get the perspective right on the rough draft after much u doing and redrawing. and I think that's when it hit me;

I dont need to have these backgrounds super duper perfect, or make this production feel super high quality. The thing that i need to focus on the most is the frame by frame animation, my dream job. After all, I'm the only person working on it. Maybe it'd be nice directing a short film in the future, but I can't afford to burn out this early in the production.

Other things that are keeping me from working on the film are class assignments that are due every other week, and life... i think it's funny that the most important year of my life ended up being my most traveled year ever, (against my will of course.) There are so many obstacles in my way from getting to where i need to be atm but It'll be so worth it by tye time I look back at this first entry.

[keefwho]

February 28 - 2024 Wednesday

10:43pm

6/10

This morning I dusted off my bookshelf and cleaned my little treasures as needed. I made a sort of stir fry using cheap ramen and stuff I'd usually put in stew. I made it how I make the stew just with less water and a little less cooking time. It was okay. I watched the beginning of the MLP Gen5 movie with Bramble and her friend while I ate.

I was once again unsure about work. I warmed up with some commission sketches but I wasn't rested enough to be at my best so I just did the best I could. I moved onto a new YCH which got a few takers so I did one for Storm on stream and started another. We watched Uncle Grandpa as filler while we sort out Rugrats.

After stream I tried reading the Acceptance chapter in my ACT book and was very enlightened. I got distracted halfway through by an XQC stream and a DM from Fiona that made me lose some respect for her. I ended up unfollowing because now Im just a little bitter and it's not like they will ever associate with me anyways now, so.

For lunch I made mac n cheese and fish sticks with a pear cut. I joined David for a round of Helldivers before sticking around to do my work. I did today's request and finished a pic of my otter. It get VERY loud and annoying in the server but I stuck around for some reason. Jared messaged me saying he was free for a bit and I wanted a break so I played 2 rounds of Helldivers with him. We both had to leave to do more work. I started a silly animation of my otter and sketched the pose for 6 frames. Then I worked on Plaz's world for a little over 30 minutes.

I was tuckered out and saw that Rousso had gotten Helldivers and was playing it for the first time in the TDS server so I joined him and others to help in his initiation into the game. I had to leave early because Jared called me. I thought he wanted to play Helldivers but we just chilled while he painted. Then Daisy became free so I started chilling with her instead. It was a very good thing too because I was honestly so tired mentally and socially, but she doesn't tire me out like that. We watched furry con videos and researched the recent Willy Wonka incident, among other AI powered scams. In bed we did puzzles and 102 Dalmatians.

~~~

More hard work today, I was surprisingly able to keep up with everything. Socially I felt like I was being pulled in so many directions and I didn't wanna let anyone down. There are other people I wanna get to as well but I'm re-learning my social limit. I determined it could help to stick to my rotating social list diligently so I can focus on different contacts at different times. If I followed that today, I likely wouldn't have been so overwhelmed.

3 things that made me happy today:

Socializing well with so many different parties.

Having a realization regarding acceptance of my own feelings.

Unwinding in Daisy's company.

[mi6015-mez]

Trying different programs for the 2D animation

Adobe animate is a program that I've been using a lot over this past summer as it was a requirement for the volunteer work I was doing animating for a small video game recreation. So I've learned quite a lot about animate, it's also a program that I can access at home, as opposed to something like TV paint. I did consider using ToonBoom but with such a huge skill requirement I don't think it would be a good idea to learn a whole new program and animate in it, all in time for the deadline. The other option that I want to try is Photoshop, I've used Photoshop a lot for drawing but I haven't tried animating in it, there might be a bit of a learning curve in that but i'm already familiar with the interface so i'll give it a go and do some testing

I did some simple animation exercises in both Adobe Animate and Photoshop to see which one I like the most for animation, these are the 2 programs that I'm thinking about using for the 2D character animation.

I started with Animate and just did a simple bouncing ball animation, animate has a good onion skin feature that lets me see the previous frames, also giving me the option to extend the reach of the frames that it effects both forward and back as well as toggle it on and off for multiple layers.

Next I did the same with photoshop, I haven't worked with photoshop to animate much in the past. So with this one I learned that the best way to do straight ahead animation is with video layers.

however, when I tried to duplicate the frame, it wasn't letting me edit the duplicated one since it was affecting all the previous layers, which basically means every time I want to make a slight alteration to the frame, i'd have to re-draw the frame entirely. Therefore Photoshop fails this test of animation, since I was able to effectively do this in Animate. If I have to make sacrifices and work around just to make the animation, that is going to take up a lot of my time. If there is a way around these issues then I have be unsuccessful in finding the appropriate tutorials, if this is the case, i'm better of using animate anyway, because I know how to do that in there already

Next I chose to do a simple walk cycle, just to see how easy it was to do in each software. Animate has a nice feature for looping your animation, where it lets you select the frame range you would like to loop, so if you only wanted to view a section of your timeline, you can do that really easily, it can also be easily toggled on and off.

Here's how the Adobe Animate cycle turned out like, this one was quite easy to make, the keyframes are easy to use and the onion skin works well for making the poses. I also like the way the layers work. The only downside is that there's only really one option for the brush type.

Next I tried doing it in Photoshop as well, I'm not going to re draw the frames from scratch as I just want to test how the interface is for animating. So I'll be referring to the poses that I made for the animate test but drawing it in Photoshop now instead. The good thing about Photoshop is the range of brushes that it has available by default, this could be useful for colouring and brush variety.

Here's how the photoshop cycle looks like, I was able to get pretty similar results with both software, there's no obvious difference between the two and this point it's just up to personal preference as to which one I use

Another thing to consider is brush variation, the brush you use can make a pretty big impact on the way your animation looks. This is the selection of brushes available in photoshop, there's lots of variety which allows for differences in style, although my character is quite simple, there might not be a use for any complex brush types

whereas in Animate, it's just variations of the same brush, the brush it's self isn't a bad looking brush, especially for a cartoon like character like mine.

Next I wanted to do a quick test on how gradients work, these are the Photoshop gradients, Photoshop is a more standard for photo editing so it would make sense for it to be good for creating gradients

That being said, the Animate gradients were able to re-create the Photoshop ones pretty well, so it seems like there's a good variation of options for gradients.

Overall I've had a much easier time animating in Adobe Animate, I made my turnaround drawings for the 2D character in animate as well, so I know that the brush fits well with my style. And there's always the pro that animate is made for animation, therefore it has a lot more features for it than Photoshop does. It was worth giving a Photoshop a try just to make sure

[faint-kitten]

I drew lifeline Drinking from a Juice box for a video I was doing in MS paint and made a gif of it.

(current gif, drawn and animated by me)

Notes:

In the video, I was using a pheonix kit which was purple, it was a half second of dead time I left in between "goofs" and I decided it was a "juice break"

The original idea was to just have her sitting there kicking her feet but that wasn't something I thought I could do. This led to me making a gif of lifeline drinking juice, the problem was I couldn't quite get her eyes to look right. So I just kept trying shit until I liked it. I ended up liking the beady eyes, so I animated them looking left and right. Didn't really like how mean it made her seem, so I added some bigger eyes for a second and it ended up making her look like she noticed something.

(Original gif, drawn and animated by me) I input the original gif into the video (queued for later today) and wasn't satified with it, so i started messing around with a torso. The original idea was a cute chibi thing where I'd hide her lack of arms behind the juice box, but the angle of her lips and the box meant I only hid one arm. I tried to make her arm stick out at an angle as if she was leaning back and it didn't really work, it looks like she's holding onto somthing. So my current thought process is: what if I put D.O.C there? I also want to re-visit the idea of her feet kicking, but they'd probably wag side to side. During this time I noticed she had no hair comming out from under her bandana and made an attempt to fix that. Once I had her arms, I knew I needed her shirt, once I had her shirt I knew I needed her booba, once I had that I knew her arms would need tattoos and basically it descended into "What can I draw, what am I willing to draw, how much can I leave out and still have it be lifeline." Her arm is supposed to have something on it, and her earpeice should have a coil emitting from it, but I would have drawn that and it would have led to no where. So for the current version it's left out. Hair is stupid hard for me, I tried several things for her buns and I'm not sure it wasn't smarter to just leave them plain red, I might take out the hair lines in future versions. I added the IV bag, and left out her pouch on her leg because that would simply be too much, what I'm thinking is, I re draw it, and I add DOC.

Her feet could waggle back and forth Her hip pocket and odd hand placement could be hidden by D.O.C. being there. And if he's just "sleeping" and perks up in the same frame she does, it might seem like they're scouting the battlefield or something. Idk it's a lot of effort for something that ultimately was for literally a 2 second part of a clip. In the end I'm happy with it, it's a bit messy (oh lord even as I look at it her hairline jumps right above her ear, my fault for trying to color select and copy and paste it. Typically all the drawing is done in MS paint and the head, the juice box, and the body are all separate elements. The head is easier to line up, so all I have to change are the eyes. Then just layer them and assemble them in GIMP, then export as a gif. I dunno if I'm going to work on a version 3 or not.

[cri8ive-scrapbook]

Of animation and inspiration

A little (pffff - sorry, folks, my text blog entries are *lengthy*) update on what's going on on the drawing board, and a great book recommendation!

Alright, so... lately I've been dabbing on an old passion that I had forfeit for many years; playing around with video editing software to create animated "lyrics videos" of songs I like. I am very much a Flash baby - I learned to use Flash in the early 2000s and was instantly won over by the great ease with which I could create little animated trailers with my still artworks, or nifty intros for my websites. But being also AuDHD, when Flash was discontinued, I felt too intimidated to try other video editing softwares where I'd have to re-teach myself everything, and gave up on animations altogether. It wasn't until about last year that I was drawn back to it, at first just for some short commercial videos I was commissioned by a client, and discovered an easy enough program like Filmora that allowed me to get decent effects in a simple interface.

The more I used it for work, the more I felt pulled to again create animation from my own art. I made some shy attempts, and the results were encouraging, but I also became aware of Filmora's limits so I'm now using a bundle of it plus Sony Vegas Pro for carrying out something that is as close as possible to what my mind sees. Being an amateur, self-taught and with great lacks in my artistic abilities, fulll frame-by-frame animatics are beyond my scope (possibly forever); but I can get a satisfying result through the interpolation of still pictures, some sfx, and music score to suggest moods and storylines.

When I work on my little "animated" projects, I always feel compelled to re-read Wendy Pini's Law & Chaos book. Because her approach to the Michael Moorcock's Stormbringer movie she wanted to make in her days as an animation student rings so true to my own experience. What I do in digital nowadays is essentially what she did with painstakingly and lovingly crafted traditional art back in the days; tell a story through the use of key scenes visualized in detail, with the artistic rendition (the inks, the perspective, the colors) in charge of the emotional response and a little additional help from technology and background music.

But there's more to this. Because Law & Chaos reasonates with me to a much deeper, personal level. The earlier pages where Wendy explains how her artwork had always been projected toward animation, how she had always wanted her characters to move, is something I could say from the depth of my own soul. Already as a kid I was more interested in the "movement" than in the finishing (which, I suspect, is why I was such a reluctant learner of techniques or more "technical" drawing); I used speech balloons to show the interaction between characters. I remember my mother would occasionally try to discourage me pointing out that comics distracted from the drawing; my poor mother, I think, associated art more with "traditonal" paintings. Occasionally, she would complain that "it'd be better to put up your drawings if it was just the art, without the speech balloons" and sometimes, to amuse her, I tried, but it seeemd to me that the pictures were then "muted", that the stories and dynamics I saw behind them couldn't be expressed because the characters couldn't "speak".

I was always conscious of my limits. I had seen documentaries on the cartoons I loved, and I knew that a lot of work went behind those smooth animations, and a snide part of me already as a kid knew I'd never be able to pull off anything like that. I was (and am) heavy handed; I delete and redraw so often that in the time of traditional art I'd always tear down the paper and that'd work me into a crying fit because then I had to redraw *everything else* and, on second try, the result was always, for some reason, below par with the first permanently ruined attempt. I wasn't patient. I wasn't nimble-handed. I longed to tell stories with my art - but animation seemed a world out of my reach. So I made "mini-comics" instead. I was content. "The small truth" (to quote the character Strongbow in Wendy Pini's independent comic series, the long-running ElfQuest), was enough for me.

Then... around the time I was 8 or 9, something unexpected happened. Computers arrived in Italy too, and quickly became popular, and next thing I knew not only we had them in school but a lot of my class mates had their own computers at home, and *then* suddenly I was reading up on computers, and *then* I suddenly had my own, and a new world of opportunities suddenly opened before me. When everyone and their cousin was hyped about playing videogames (Internet woudln't be a thing until some years later, and ADSL/WiFi until MUCH later down the line), I could only think of two things; a computer would allow me to have my fiction stories actually look like books and it would allow me to animate my drawings. Have them move, finally tell the stories they were imbued with - and without the need for speech ballons or any filters.

Such "wild" dreams from a learning-challenged kid of under-10, back in the late 1990s, can only sound hilarious in hindsight. Scrambling with Paint, creating "pictures" that I find repulsive today, I felt like I was doing something grandiose and one step closer to my dream of seeing my pictures come alive and tell their stories. I was soon to find out it wasn't so easy and computers didn't "magically" animate things - but, with all my limits, I no longer felt like I was a spectator watching on a world that would forever be out of my reach. I was a beginner, a rookie, on the amateur track still. But I had broken past he wall that separated me from that world of fancies. It would take time, it would take patience, but I was en route and now the journey could only go on. And on.

There were pitfallls, as there always are, and moments when I'd just grow so frustrated or have so many hassles to draw me away from that world completely. This, too, I found in Wendy's recollections in the Law & Chaos book. But there were also moments when my heart soared. When Internet became a thing, and I learned about animated GIFs, and the first thing I did was download a gif animator software and sketch a silly doodle of one of my wolves and animate it. It was crude, nonsensical, poorly executed, and if I think back about it today, I wince; but back then I felt like I was yet one step closer to the dream, and I cheered, and I was ridiculously proud of myself and of what I had done. Then came Flash. Another step closer to the dream. Short snippets, little more than "trailers" of RPs or spooky scenettes for Halloween - but it was *happening*. The first breath of life was infused to my still drawings. I'm writing this now before I delve back into the inks of my latest, current project; a full lyrics video, the second I've made since 2022, after two smaller projects (a series of flashes and a partecipation in a MAP video with other friends). If the first was just a test run to see "if I could do it", now I'm more demanding, with myself and with my tools. I'm using two video editors, not one, because I want the "theater of the mind" (thanks, Wendy!) to look exactly as I know it should. I'm trying to put as much work in every still image as I'll be able to. I have made a screenplay, with the exact sequence of each scene set to match certain moments of the music score. I have made a test-run with the rough sketches and am jotting down notes on what aspects will need to be fine-tuned (a more well-timed fade in/fade out effect, a better placed transition, etc). And I'm weeping with joy and going over this gem of a book again just as I'd told a long time friend "Remember all our talks on animation? Well I'm doing it now, I'm there, I succeeded!"

Because I've taken the final step, and now the dream - my dream - is becoming true.

[reith-sheep]

Experimentation | Red vs Blue 4

Try using Tvpaint to create animation

When I had roughly learned how to use the software, my first step was to change my shortcut keystrokes. This is because the use of its shortcuts is entirely different from the ones I am used to. I changed some keys to be the same as those in Photoshop. For example, the eraser, pen, and zoom-in and out shortcuts. This allowed me to get used to using TVP better without making unnecessary mistakes by pressing the wrong shortcut.

Then I changed the save backup to 3 copies so that even if the software lags and I can't save, the software keeps as much of my previous animation as possible.

When I started using TVP to begin drawing my line drawings, I found that I was very slow when I used it to draw. I only finished drawing 20 frames in the afternoon plus the evening, and I'll not be able to finish my frame-by-frame animation at this rate. So I decided to switch back to my usual software, Procreate, to draw the lines and use TVP to color them.

Drawing sketch on the Procreate

So I finished the drawing in procreate, exported the png sequence and then re-imported it into TVPaint for coloring and shading. However, because I had made a mistake in setting up the shortcut keys, the shortcut keys for zooming in and out of the timeline lost their original function. I tried for a long time without finding a shortcut key to adjust the timeline.

Lazy brush

Then I used the lazy brush to colour my lines and drew the boundary lines for the shadows in blue. I also used a paint bucket to colour the ropes.

This is the first eight seconds of the animation test.

[solradguy]

RE: @theskyprism ; GGStrive loading animation // OG post

I really lived up to my art motto for this one, not gonna lie haha (VIAM INVENIAM AUT FACIAM: ["I will] find a way or make one")

So I only have Strive on the ps4. I was hoping I'd be able to save a lot of work by finding a video on YT of enough of the loading screen for me to get at least one full loop of the animation but most people are either playing on PC, PS5, or PS4 Pro. My ps4 is 1st gen. It's old, it's slow as balls. It takes me sometimes a whole extra minute to catch up to my friends in games because my ancient Playstation can't crunch the numbers as fast.

Well, turns out that's great! I got almost THREE LOOPS out of the animation making it load the figure mode in Strive. All the YT vids I could find loaded before it even made one loop. Every. Single. One of them. Breaking it down into bullet points from here:

Made my ps4 load in figure mode and used the 4's built-in recording mode to get a clip of the load screen

Saved the clip onto a flashdrive and got it onto my laptop

Opened the clip in Blender and cut out the part of the video with just the loading screen

Tried to import the video into Photoshop CS5 but I guess the 64x version can't do that. Piece of shit.

Converted it into a gif using some online gif conversion tool

Loaded the gif into PS, cropped it, exported it as a PSD

Opened it in Clip Studio Paint and cleaned up all 28 layers of the animation: Smart Smoothing > Strong + Remove Noise. 2x per layer. Got it clean enough to see which parts I had to redraw

Redrew all 28 layers with my tablet, by hand. None of the automated processes I tried were giving me clean results. Whatever

Saved as a new PSD (always, always, make backups). Opened in PS and started trying to get this thing to loop. Had issues with the loop being too obvious/jarring

Tried using PS's tweening function to make up the frame between the end one and the start one (tween: in-between frame to smooth animations)

Redrew the tweened frame since PS could only generate it with some opacity issues. I needed it to be solid, so no transparent parts

Ended up not needing the tween or two of the frames at the beginning of the animation to make the loop smooth

Exporting was easy. Making the grey version (I worked in black) was as simple as opening the PSD back up in CSP, locking transparency for each layer, and fill-all'ing each frame. Then saving the PSD and refreshing the file in PS

I couldn't let this animation beat me lol

[smutandfluffohmy]

His Sweater

From: Smutandfluffohmy Pairings: George X Slytherin!reader A/N: This is written a bit weird? Uuu tell me what you think of the writing I’m trying something out. Summary: Slytherin! reader wonders around the castle and comes across George and Fred.

Read Part 2 here

I had a nightmare that night. I’m sure it was a horrible dream but I didn’t remember or perhaps I didn’t want to remember once I woke up.  The morning was not there yet but I could feel it, it was not early enough for others to be awake nor was it late enough to go back to sleep. I rose my head looking around the room hoping my roommates would for some miracle be awake; but everyone was still fast asleep. 

I got myself out of bed slipping my feet in the slippers. My pajamas bundled awkwardly around my thigh and knee, using my foot to tug it back in place. The dorms were warm but so quiet, I felt that this is what it must feel like to be the only person in the world. 

Walking out of my dorm and making my way into the common room I expected to bump into someone at any second, but I didn’t. I was the only one awake me, the kraken and the fire. 

Making my way out of the Slytherin common room I looked around the stretched out halls.I wondered who was awake at this time, why they were awake and what they were up to. Perhaps they were always early rises and they will be surprised to see me.

The usually loud halls were deadly quiet. I wonder if I’m dead, a curious thing it would be if I was because I don't remember dying.Looking around the halls, watching all the sleeping paintings that framed the tall halls. Despite walking down these halls hundreds of times they felt too big, too old and my bunny slippers felt too out of place. 

My mind started to wander, not enough that I didn't know it was wondering but enough to not keep my wits about me. 

Someone bumped into me , making me stumble backwards before a hand reached over and kept me on my feet. Looking up at who it could possibly be that bumped into me with the entire hall free. I looked up to see George Weasley’s eyes that were filled with worry and confusion as to who would be awake at this hour as if he himself wasn't awake at this hour as well.“Jesus Weasley you nearly gave me a heart attack.”

“If you want I could finish off the job.” Fred sneered appearing from behind his brother.

Shooting him a glare I tried ignoring the burning spot growing where George was touching me “Haha very funny. What are you guys doing up.” I said straightening my already straight pajamas, cursing myself for wearing my green pajamas and white bunny slippers, I looked like a walking Slytherin banner.

George looked from me to his brother to my slippers before speaking “Could ask you the same thing.” he said.

“I asked first.” I retorted, scrunching my eyebrows together.

“Shame you’re outnumbered.” Fred shrugged hiding something behind his back. Technically they’re outnumbered if they would only count my bunny slippers.

Shrugging my shoulders I looked between them “Had a bad dream.”

“So you got out of bed to wonder the halls.” Fred said scrunching his nose at me.

“Your turn.” I said 

“Counting the paintings wanted to make sure they hadn’t hopped off the walls.” George said with a face splitting smile that seemed too bright and too happy for an hour when the sun wasn't even out.

“Fine I’ll just follow you two around if you’re going to be like that.” I said, maybe I’ll get another smile from George even if I had to put up with Fred.

“No.” Fred said spinning around walking in front of me, his hands still behind his back hiding water it was.

“You can’t stop me.” I answered confidently, as confidently as someone with no wand and no socks could sound.

George snickered beside me “We can.” he said. But his threat was empty, a sweet empty like an empty sweets wrapper.

Fred seemed to catch on to the tone in his brothers voice because he rolled his eyes before saying “Whatever hurry up we have lots to do, places to be”

George shifted uncomfortable besides me, Fred rhythmically tapped the thing in his hand, the silence too loud for us to ignore.I shivered from the cold and the awkwardness.

Fred laughs “Did you think Hogwarts was warm at 3am? In the winter? A bit dense aren't we.” he says stretching his arms over his head, my embarrassment spread across my face.

George broke my silent embarrassment “Don’t mind him he’s upset were awake this early.Here you can borrow my jumper” he said tugging the jumper off, messing his hair in the process. 

The color returned to my face, was it possible for someone to be attractive with bed head? Apparently it was. I just wish I realized this in a less compromising moment “Are you sure? Aren’t you going to be cold?” I said hesitant to take the offered jumper.

George smiled “I’m sure. I hardly get cold” he said putting my head through the jumper, the flappy arms hanging off my shoulders.

My thoughts left my head, I couldn't even remember what it felt like to have any. “Thank you I re-” I mustered out

Fred sighed making George and I jump, forgetting he was there at all “Barf. Can we hurry up.” He said. Putting my arms through the sweaters arms, smoothing out my hair trying to get rid of the static.

“What are you guys doing.You never said” I said speed walking trying to keep up with their long strides.

“Feeding the narwals the live around the castle I reckoned they were a bit peckish.” Fred said pointing at deep dark corners in the hallways.

“Narwhals live in the ocean.” I said, far too serious and far too matter a factly that made me wince inside.

“It doesn't matter they’re not real.” George said with a laugh tugging at his shirt collar.

“Mate...” Fred said with a mix of bemusement and a horrified look before laughing, shaking his head and continued making his way to wherever they were going.

“What?” George said looking from his brother to me, trying to figure out the punchline he felt we’ve hidden from him.

“George narwhals are real animals.” I said quietly to him.

“Oh.” George murmured his face getting as red as his hair, a task I didn't know was possible.

“Besides can’t tell you, you might go on and tell your boyfriend Malfoy.” Fred said waving me off. Now it was my turn to turn red.

“Yea can’t say we can trust a Slytherin with our plan.” George said with a hint of something in his voice and a different spring in his step.

“First of all Malfoy isn’t my boyfriend. Second I love a good laugh come on Weasleys spill.” I said, excitement running through me at the thought that I could be part of one of their pranks.

“I still don't think we can trust them.” Fred said looking over my head to talk to George.

“I don't think so either, feel like she’s a secret spy sent out.” George said pretending to whisper.

“Just tell me.” I said looking up at them, as they averted their eyes up to the ceiling. 

George let out a laugh “Slytherin and Gryffindor quidditch game today so we’re hexing Slytherins area to turn into-” he said

“Gryffindor colors.” Fred said finishing the sentence his brother had started. 

“Hmm brillant but-” I said cracking my fingers, wincing at the loud sound promptly dropping my hand.

“But?” Fred said cocking his eyebrow at me, wanting and not wanting to hear what I had to say.

George mimicked his brothers expression looking down at me “I don’t think it gets more brilliant than that.” he shrugged.

“BUT.” I said poking both of the on the arms. “What if you changed our horns to cheer for Gryffindor instead.” I said, unsure if it could work or not but I’m sure if it could be pulled off the people to come to was the Weasley twins.

“Well take it into consideration.” George said, side eyeing me perhaps sizing me up or perhaps a bit crossed he didn’t pitch the idea first. I could feel myself beam at the thought I might have possibly contributed to a great Weasley prank.

Steps echoed through the empty halls. Stiffing at the sound the three of us froze, too unsure or afraid of the volume of our own voices afraid they might come out too loud and give us all away.

“Fucking hell someones coming.” George said barely above an audible whisper but it felt like he was shouting at the top of his lungs in that moment.

“Told you they’re was a mole” Fred scoffed at his brother eyeing me with fake anger and trying to hold back a laugh. Or perhaps he was in fact a bit crossed with me.

“Shut up. Go on I’ll take care of it.” I said stepping in front of them, shooing them away to continue on. Offering myself as a sacrifice, I only wonder if I was going to be a eye rolling encounter or an after class eraser dusting sacrifice.

“I knew they weren't a mole.” George smiled from me to his brother.

“Perhaps.” Fred said dragging out his s, not believing me until I proved it.

Rolling my eyes I took a step backwards “Go on carrot tops.” I smiled up at them.

“Oi no need to come after the hair.” Fred said in moving his hands up in defense, a laugh threatening to leave his mouth and running his aloof demeanor.

“I’ll be cheering for you Wesley. Even if you don't hex the horns.” I said smiling at George, I wondered what smile wouldn't give my crush on George but it didn't matter because I couldn't see it.

“Thanks glad to see I’m finally being appreciated.” Fred said puffing his chest out pretending to throw a bludger, a faint smile spreading on your face.

“Oh guess I’ll cheer for you too carrot top. Now go hurry” I said shoving them as I started running towards the source of the sound, my bunny slippers ears bouncing in different direction with each step.

Harshly stopping, and turning around “Wait George your jumper.” I shouted, a shouted only above a whisper but still too loud.

“Give it to me later!” George whisper shouted towards me a lopsided smile on his face, a smile I don't think I’ve seen on others.

“Earth to George hurry up.” Fred said slapping his brothers arms to get his attention that I’m sure he had as soon as he said his name.George turned to his brother as they ran side by side. “I think you’re carrot top and I’m Wealsey.”

“Ha whatever makes you feel better.” George laughed shoving his brother before running towards the Quiditch field.

[spacerockband]

Rewatching your animations and animatics is certainly inspiring. It's making me wnat to make my one stuff. But I must ask, what is your general animation process?

you sent this so long ago and i completely forgot to answer it im so sorry!!!

uhh my animation 'process' is actually a nightmare fueled by me working on random pieces that i get inspiration for in random orders hours and then dropping them and ignoring projects for weeks or months at a time. if you want actual specifics, though, i use clip studio paint for animation and stills and export those to adobe premiere to edit the videos as a whole! (probably going to have to find another vid program eventually because my college gives us access to the adobe suite and i really don't want to pay that subscription, though)

(also have used photoshop and autodesk paint for animating in the past both of which suck in their own special ways. autodesk does have a “flipbook” type style which was helpful to start animating on though, i just don’t like other parts of the program. clip studio ive found is the best program once you get over the extremely non-intuitive format and finally watch a how-to video, as i refused to do for a while)

for animatics specifically i often use not a whole lot of actual frame-by-frame animating, and often use more storyboard style still frames that i cut in premiere to get timing right- but as ive gotten better at animating i find i do this less and use more frames. this... obviously takes longer though

usually for animatics i fluctuate anywhere between 6-12fps, most often settling on 8 even though this is NOT the standard and im going to have to reteach myself a lot of timing stuff probably when i go back to 12. in my defense animating a bunch of long stuff by yourself is hard though and the cheap clip studio only lets you animate 2 seconds at a time. which is. ugh.

ummm oh also i often do really quick thumbnails in my sketchbook with the general expression/lyric or audio/pose and angle layed out so i have a reference point. it's very important to give yourself a little map to follow especially if you leave a project unfinished for months and forget everything you were going to do with it.

as for the animating itself lots of timing stuff i end up re-doing once or twice to make sure it fits the audio or music im timing it to (which i do a lot while im also teaching myself), and then go in and clean it up (or,, not, i probably should clean things up more than i do, though)

honestly animatics mostly was me jumping from doing comics to doing comics with audio, and then gradually working in animation skills as i figured them out lmao. (and taking an animation class, but i didn't start that way and neither do a Lot of animators)

OH! and learning about film was actually really really helpful for me in starting animatics- knowing about shots, timing, film theory stuff- and of course scott mccloud's making comics is a graphic novel ill never stop heralding.

i have no idea if this helps but i tried to cover as much as i could!! 

[blancamz]

“It’s Over Isn’t It” Reanimation progress

Honestly one of my favourite parts about animating is posting the WIPs online. Here’s the step-by-step of how I went about doing my reanimation for the end section of “It’s Over Isn’t It” from the Steven Universe episode Mr. Greg.

1) Idea and Prep

I was flicking through Steven Universe: Art & Origins. I think at the time I must’ve been between jobs or bored or something, because it came into my head to do a bit of animation based on the pilot style SU. I’ve always been quite fond of the pilot style, especially Pearl’s David Bowie / LaRoux look. The little tux design by Hellen Jo was quite snazzy as well, so I decided to have a go at doing a segment of “It’s Over Isn’t It”, using these designs.

I traced the turnaround from the book in Clip Studio Paint and approximated Jo’s design to it. At first I had the colour turnaround, but did the low-colour turnaround with the heads to give me a better idea of where the lines are and proportions of the body. I also get a clip of “It’s Over Isn’t It” and trim it down to the section I want to do.

This is a long one so strap in.

2) Sketch Pass

I’ll be using gifs that show the first 100-130 frames of the animation, because the full segment is 22 seconds long.

Very very loose animation of what I’m going to be doing with this segment, done in Adobe Animate. I have a video of the real segment in the corner of the stage and audio in the timeline, and closely reference them for layout and acting.

I’ve decided I want to go really nuts with the animation. Lots of angles on her face, smooth movement, secondary animation / follow-through on her various clothing elements. Technically her earring’s supposed to be on the other side but I want to animate that flailing around dangit, so I change it so it faces the camera.

3) Rough Pass

I tidy up the rough I did somewhat. It’s still very rough, but Pearl is better proportioned and the motion is more complete. I get a better idea of how she moves by focusing on drawing keys (the most important drawings) and breakdowns (drawings that help you figure out the motion a little bit, without full animation). I have Pearl, her suit, ruffles and earring on separate layers so I can turn things on and off or lower their opacity as needed.

4) Tiedowns

At some point between the rough and tie-down phase I realized that I’d been animating at 30fps instead of 25fps like I’d meant to, so I had to end up shifting all the roughs I’d been doing. Bad news: having to wrestle with getting the timings I’d so carefully planned out in the rough to still look good. Good news: I have to animate and clean up 5 fewer frames per second, so that’s 110 fewer drawings to worry about. Yussssss. For reference, the above clip has now gone from 132 frames to 107.

During the tiedown phase, I go over the roughs and more carefully try to match the proportions in the turnaround. I keep a flattened version of the first frame of animation to use as reference thoughout to prevent morphing. Sometimes when you’re animating, things will get bigger or small as you re-draw them, so it’s good to have a base drawing to refer back to and make the sizes stay consistent.

At this point I’m way more aware of reasons behind the big design change for Pearl between the pilot and the show. She’s so dang skinny and tall with that extra poof of hair up top that she’s really annoying to frame up. If you want to keep all of her in the frame, there’s going to be tons of empty space.

I also find that my turnaround isn’t enough reference for Pearl’s awkwardly-shaped head. I snap me a bunch of screenshots of pearl’s head from different angles and collate them into a big sheet.

5) Inbetweening

Inbetweening, aka filling out all the gaps in the timeline between the keys and breakdowns. If you’ve done your keys and BD’s well, inbetweening can be a pretty straight-forward.

But I’ve got like a million bits of secondary animation to content with, which means this still takes a significant amount of time. The hair and ruffles have to move a little later than the rest of the body, and some parts of the ruffles have to move at a different rate from the rest. I’m trying to animate like there’s wind since Pearl’s on top of a tall building. I keep animating until it feels good enough.

This is what my timeline and stage look like in Animate by this point. The animation is mostly on 2s, with some 1s, 3s and 4s thrown in when needed.

6) Cleanup and Colour

I did the cleanup in Toon Boom Harmony. As a program, I like it was more than Animate, even though it isn’t without it’s flaws. But it’s also really dang expensive. Fortunately, by this point I’d been working on the upcoming Deadendia series for Netflix. What with the pandemic, we were working from home and the studio gave me a license for Toon Boom. So I exported my frames from Animate, put ‘em in TB and started cleaning up.

I’ve found that cleanup is something that’s often offloaded to new or less experienced artists at studios because blah it’s just tracing the rough animation. But you’ve got good cleanup and bad cleanup, and a good cleanup artist will compensate for flaws in volume and have a good, clear and natural line.

I’m not terribly fond of doing cleanup myself. I feel I tend to end up rushing, which leads to sloppy work. I tried really hard to keep up a standard here.

7) Comping

a.k.a. Compositing, the final layering of the various elements before exporting a film. Another stage I don’t quite care for because of its nuances. Also drawing backgrounds.

I admit that I’m not very good at drawing backgrounds or environments. I tried to do the one for the second shot of this animation, since it was acutally really important. In shots 1 and 3, you don’t really see the ground or even the railing that Pearl is leaning on, but 2 is a wide shot. My first attempts at it were unfortunate. Fortunately my husband @joe-sparrow is both good at backgrounds and good at imitating the style and colour palette of the show. He volunteered to do the BGs and I accepted. See mine vs. his:

So yeah, get me some nice backgrounds, put the animation on top, then fiddle with a couple of elements in the comp to give things a little bit more depth. During this stage, errors that had happened during the animation progress that I hoped would just go away became annoyingly obvious, so there was a fair bit of going back to fix them.

So that’s how I done made this animation. I started April 2018 and posted in on January 1st 2021, so that’s over 1.5 years it took me to do these 22 seconds of animation. However, I wasn’t working on it continuously through that time. Sometimes I’d be working on it every day, other times I’d not touch it for weeks or months at a time. It really depended on how busy or whatever I was at the time. I think if I’d been working on it non-stop, it still would’ve taken me at least like 2-3 months to finish it.

If you made it to the end of this post, I hope you found all this information interesting.

Happy drawing.

It’s over, isn’t it.

[slashesotron]

Emoji Ask Meme Answers 💕

+ a bonus doodle from yesterday 💞

Atlas, Avery, Patchouli, & Juniper answers within!

ROMANTIC Atlas struggles a bit in terms of traditional romance, because he mostly shows his love by serving you! He’ll bring you food and drinks without being asked, take care of the household chores, and basically try to make your life as trouble free as possible.

Still, he’ll pay attention to what you like, and even do stuff like follow your tumblr / twitter / pinterest to get a better idea; don’t be surprised if those cute curry rice animals show up on your plate one day (though hardly as nice as the picture... he tried) or the pretty bouquet you pinned gets presented to you in real life!  

SLEEP This boy is a big cuddler. Even in his sleep, he’ll reach for you and snuggle up tight. He’s not picky on whether he’s big or little spoon, as long as he can feel your heartbeat.

SAD Atlas has spent most of his life mostly alone. The only family he has left is his uncle, who’s out on business most of the time, and his one good friend lives pretty far away. He’s grateful for the company and conversation when people come into the shop, but for the most part, he’s very used to doing things by himself.

ROMANTIC Patchouli is a very heart on their sleeve type of person. They tend to be very openly affectionate and readily say ‘I love you’... but mostly they show it through touch. Hand holding, shoulder squeezes, butt paps, cuddling, nuzzles. . . you name it, if they can reach you, you’re gettin’ it.

BEDROOM Atlas - The aesthetic in there is, very surprisingly I’m sure, black; the frames are black, the bug enclosures are black, his unmade bedding. There are band posters on the walls, most variously beat up, clippings from old magazines, flyers for concerts. All the logos are very spiky.

Aside from his bed, though, it’s actually pretty tidy. A bookcase filled with books, a desk with a computer; it’s lived in, but hardly messy. There are candles too, unlit, and some bleached animal skulls. One on something that might be an altar. It smells like old incense. There are also framed bug displays on the walls, various beetles, butterflies, moths, all sorts of things.

Taking up a lot of the room are terrariums and enclosures of various sizes, which house hissing cockroaches, a horned beetle, a praying mantis, a walking stick, a couple tarantulas, a very very big snail, and a pair of giant millipedes.

An electric guitar sits in a stand in a corner; a sleek, matte black, spiky thing, with bright chrome accents and a leather strap.

Patchouli - Their room is a bit similar to Ren’s, albeit with a darker (but mixed) aesthetic. Anime and nerd stuff, plushies, a bed that’s almost a nest with the amount of pillows and blankets on it. There’s a desk with a computer, a couple of video game consoles (including handhelds), art stuff. . . it’s usually very tidy.

SEX

Atlas will never touch you without permission, unless he’s so out of his mind he can’t help it. He does have the natural inclination to, say, grab your hips if you’re on top, but he’ll stop himself every time unless you’ve told him not to. The reason for this is the same as why he won’t make the first move; all power in the dynamic belongs to you, and this comes so naturally to him he would never question it. That’s not to say you can’t train him to ravish you, because you absolutely can - it’ll just take him some time to overcome his aversion to handling you that way, because at first it feels wrong.

QUIRKS / HOBBIES

Aside from playing guitar, caring for his bugs, and making insect displays, Atlas does some vulture culture stuff if he happens to find a good specimen... he also likes to hang out with / feed wild bugs. Catch him sitting on the forest floor surrounded by 800 snails after a rain. He just thinks they’re neat... 🐌

HAPPY

Atlas isn’t very vain, and his daily routine doesn’t involve a lot of preening. Every now and then, though, it’s time for his nails to be re-painted, especially since machining parts tends to chip his polish pretty bad (though he likes it a bit chipped anyway). It’s a relaxing process for him. He takes the time to do it nicely, and he’s pretty good at it from years of practice... then he makes sure they get the time to dry properly by watching a movie. It’s kind of his version of a spa day.

ANGRY / VIOLENT

As we know, Avery can’t ever get mad at his beloved, even if they do the things that would normally set him off into Stage VI (unless you really, really pushed your luck)... but other people aren’t so lucky. More than once, Avery has come out of a fugue state to find his knuckles bloody and a crumpled body in front of him- usually somewhere far less secluded than he’d like. 

It’s fine.

COOKING / FOOD

Avery LOVES cooking, especially if it’s for his beloved! He usually puts music on and sings while he works, and if you come within grabbing range you might get danced with! He loves to have your company, even if he doesn’t need help (and he usually doesn’t). Just be careful not to distract him too much or dinner will get burned... again.

SEX

Genuinely I don’t know what I could write about Avery sexually that I haven’t touched on already 🤔 I’m THINKIN’.... 

FAMILY 

Juni doesn’t really have any family! Unless you count the legions of Hell, of course. And they very much aren’t interested in starting a family of their own- unless that means a whole bunch of MC pets ;3

ANGRY / VIOLENT

Sometimes, when Juniper’s bored, they’ll go out at dusk and find someone wandering somewhere secluded, like in the forest or by the railroad tracks... and go all out with a very enthusiastic murderfuck. Usually these are later called horrific animal attacks, but it leaves everyone who sees it shaken. No animal attack they’ve seen looked like that. There were intestines in the branches seven feet away...  

RANDOM

Juniper paints on the walls of their cabin... on old pizza boxes... on the floor, sometimes. And maybe even on you! 💕 Naturally, this usually ends up leading to spicier things, and paint on you both.

SLEEP

Another big big cuddler. He’s almost aggressive in his sleep, tangling you into his limbs inescapably and burying his face in your neck. Gods be with you if you wake up and have to pee. When he sleeps alone, he tends to sprawl and take up the whole bed, and ends up messing up the blankets. He sleeps like the dead on account of being perpetually sleep deprived!