#i tried to have different ppl lead but no one else wanted to take it on minus my 2nd roommate

[not-so-superheroine]

i led bible study at the psych institute i was in for the three months and i was blessed by the experience.

i was harassed for being "mormon" on an occassion by a few, but handled it well and kept the meeting on track. and being an open latter day saint kept some people away (i was informed by my 2nd roommate who was christian and a seminary student. she invited people to come at the sunday church service/stream bc she really enjoyed the bible study but was told by a client it was bc of the "mormon girl" leading it that they didn't go ). being an open lesbian probably played a role too.

but those whose hearts were open enough to come anyway said they appreciated the fellowship and support. we were usually a small group, but often quoted was Matthew 18:20 "For where there are two or three gathered in my name name, I am there among them."

often i was put in a position to teach by client request. bc many who came were new chrisitians or those who had attended church but never studied the Bible before, just listened to what their pastor said without studying the sacred text directly.

not what i expected to do but i did my best with the what i learned from my experience and my seminary classes and made sure to question after what their independent thoughts were on the scripture after reading it and after providing historical/cultural/societal context for the text.

i used the community of christ lessons/sermon helps to assist me. but made it more general so it would be more applicable to sola scriptura (bible only) christians or non latter day saints, reorganized or otherwise (no BoM or D&C).

i passed it on to my roommate to take it over. she is a kind, compassionate woman, so i hope more people come. she's well studied, devout, and also straight, nondenominational and sola scriptura so i hope more people are comfortable with her.

the conversations i had will stick with me for a long time. i learned a lot from other clients who came.

[religion-is-a-mental-illness]

By: The Heretical Liberal

Published: Jun 18, 2024

Lots of responses to this post I made the other day laying out the case for why trans activism is homophobic, most of them supportive. For the few that weren't, here's a thread where I brought the receipts. If my earlier post was opening arguments, consider this the full case: 🧵

First up, the charities, such as Stonewall and GLAAD. These are the groups that were originally set up as gay rights advocates, but were retooled around 2015 into trans rights advocates, and - since trans activism seeks to erase homosexuality - promptly began to do exactly that

With the anti-gay activists now in charge and setting the tone, media now takes the reins and begins subtly erasing the very notion of same-sex attraction, suggesting that lesbians who don't want to date ppl with penises, and gay men not interested in vaginas are hateful bigots

And more of the same nonsense:

With the activists dictating, and the media following their lead, the homophobia inevitably trickles down. This manifests in different forms, but one of them is the psychological torture of homosexuals, some of whom have come to believe their innate orientation means they're bigots

But mostly the biggest effect is in the trans community itself, who have increasingly internalized the idea that same-sex attraction doesn't exist, and thus, any ppl who claim to be exclusively same-sex attracted are actually just transphobic bigots who can be abused at will

The rest is just gonna be a firehose of hate, as I try to dispel the idea that this homophobia is "just a few bad apples" instead of the truth: it's a core component underpinning the entire ideology transgenderism, as are the violent threats that often accompany it:

I could go on and on, but I think the point here is made. Homophobia doesn't just exist in the trans community, it's RIFE in it. It's a feature, not a bug, the erasure of sex (and by extension, homosexuals) is a core goal of trans activism. Hopefully this has opened some eyes /end

--

Threadreader:

==

Firstly, if you're shocked by this, then you haven't been paying attention.

This is what it looks like when the mentally ill use academic gobbledygook to pathologize the normal and normalize the pathological.

You're not crazy: same sex attraction and opposite sex attraction are real things and completely normal. You may have either or both (bisexual). Their stupid buzzwords don't - and can't - change that. Nor turn it into a "genital preference."

If you take away nothing else, know that an accusation of being "transphobic" is a predator trying to emotionally manipulate and blackmail you into allowing access by the predator beyond your boundaries. Whether that be sexual boundaries, to simply how you address others, and anything and everything in between.

You never have to justify your boundaries. Someone who tries to make you, or who tells you that you need to "rethink" your boundaries, or particularly who acts morally superior about their purported higher evolved absence of boundaries is a full-blown predator. No, I'm not being hyperbolic. When I say "predator," I mean they're a predator. You're talking to someone who is dangerous and not to be trusted, because they see your boundaries as something to be overcome, circumvented or "fixed." They do not respect you and they feel entitled to what they want from you. They are dangerous. They are a predator. By definition.

In the very definition of an abusive relationship, these virulently anti-gay fanatics also won't let LGB operate without them. Because they'll lose their human shields and their stolen valor they've misappropriated from the gay rights movements. Which is the point in the movie where the abuser shouts, "without me, you're nothing! I won't let you leave! If I can't have you, no one will!" And then something horrible happens.

[humblefryingpan]

I like drv3 talent swaps but I rlly wish ppl wouldn't just stick their 'ultimate leader' in dice. Like make up a new organization or just make them a leader of smth else, that's Kokichi's thing! They were important enough to Kokichi to be in his motive video, it's not like they're just random henchmen

Nearly everyone in drv3 had something else they could've led, none of them are connected to dice bc it wasn't designed for them. Like it doesn't even need to be a crime organization, that was tailored to Kokichi.

And you don't need to take away their entire personality because they're better at a different thing? Like gonta would still like bugs, it's like 90% of his personality. Let them lead something that has meaning to them instead of just y/n-ing them into dice. I'm gonna stick ideas under the cut bc like be creative?

Rantaro - idk him very well, didn't he raise his (many) sisters? Being a leader doesn't always mean they're in an organization/club

Kaede - stick her in a band? Or like a choir group. Leading a criminal organization would change her character a lot

Ryoma - tennis team? Idk much about sports. Or like a prison gang bc didn't he say he went to prison

Kirumi - ngl you wouldn't have to change a single thing there, she's the president already

Angie - student council? Or like a priest

Tenko - idk her that well but like lead some kinda akido group? Like a martial arts club. Dice has dudes so she definitely wouldn't be their leader

Korekiyo - yeah I know nothing about him or anthropology. Study group (studying culture) ?

Miu - Engineering club

Gonta - could he be the leader of bugs? Yk like how ppl can train bugs into behaving differently. If not then a bug study group (ik I already said that but it's a different type of study group okay?)

Kaito - training group? Like with Maki and Shuichi or like a group of astronauts-in-training with Kaito as their group leader

Kiibo - robotics/engineering club. He'd be so different without his talent though ngl

Tsumugi - cosplay group

Shuichi - lead detective on a case

Maki - she was in an assassin group right? Make her the leader of that

Himiko - magician club (lol my old teacher tried to make one of those but no one wanted to go)

Like they literally could've just led a group project rlly well, it doesn't need to be dice. I once read a fic where the new leader was literally just Kokichi with a name change. Sometimes it rlly seems like people want a roleswap instead of a talent swap and like there are so many options!

[perfectlovevn]

Idk if anyone else cares about Ryan besides me or asks abt him - bc i actually like consuming info about him and thinking abt him. Before I entered the fandom I was a pretty big Ryan fan until it was overwritten with Milo (not complaining tho teehee)

Ifeel like i dont hear ppl talk abt him as a character rather than a plotpoint- dont rlly mind it much tho i forget about him too baha

What happened to Ryan if he survives after moving to another college?

Did he try to be a better person? Or, just acted as a better person to keep a low profile?

What is his new life like? What changed about his behavior? How's his social life?

Also does Ryan have family or a childhood backstory idk if I ever saw anything abt that

Can he actually become a better person? What would it take for him to be one?

Can he be his own yandere and if so what would he be like

<- very secretly wants to be his boyfriend

Considering the three additional asks I got after this one, I'm pretty sure Ryan is more popular than you'd expect. Also @m00nsflesh exists, so that's also the case. Ryan is mostly written to drive Milo and Eris's behavior, so that does track.

If Ryan were able to successfully escape to another college, I think he'd probably change his name like very barely (change it to Ryen or something) and then he might act a bit more low profile for a short while before going back to his normal ways. I don't think it's very likely he would strive to become a better person unless he feels it could benefit him in some way.

I think he'd try to keep his new life as close to his old life as possible. Feels more like a bump in the road since he just wants to do what he's always been doing. I think regardless of how he tries to pretend to be someone else, he'll always end up defaulting back to his original form in one way or another.

I didn't really make a family/childhood backstory, but he does act like a rich kid fratboy (or at least, that's what I was trying to aim for), so you can make of that what you will. He could have a completely different backstory.

He could be, just like anyone could be, but I don't think it would be an easy task. It's possible that if he actually found someone he cared enough it might lead him to becoming a better person or some sort of event that happens, but I don't know who or what that could do that for him.

Like could he be a yandere? Possibly, but a generally pathetic and annoying one. The kind that treats you trashily but if you try to flirt with other people, he'd probably step in and tell the other person to back off kind of deal.

[just-sp-in-inginthevoid]

Tokyo Revengers but Mikey has the same coping mechanism as Sunny (Omori)

It's an incomplete post so anyone can add things if they want!

'Manjiro' will be used to talk about irl!Mikey while 'Mikey' will refer to Headspace!Mikey

Sanzu is called Haruchiyo and takes on Basil's role (aKa he's important but Mikey doesn't want to either make him tag along/a member of the party or to confine him on the picnic blanket)

'Sanzu' would be The Stranger

Takemichi also has The Stranger role (in timelines where he truly left an impression on Mikey - so probably not in the first two unfortunately)

Shinichiro and Emma both play Mari's role

-> Shinichiro & Takemichi being the only one to call Mikey Manjiro

Senju and Izana share a common role (in Bonten)

The party is made of Toman founding members

Baji, Kazutora, Pah-chin have a dynamic similar to Aubrey and Kel

Draken takes on Hero's role, Mitsuya too, a bit

Draken is the one who takes pictures!!! (like in canon :) )

-> "Did I take this photo? Something about it feels so familiar... No... Emma, she's-"

(Draken has little flags to make Mikey (or other party members) happy during fights)

(Mitsuya is the one who can cook)

Unbread Twins = Kawata Twins (with their ramen shop ofc, no bakery here)

other members are a bit scattered everywhere, mostly the playground ofc (which is a mix of: Toman's gathering place, the playground Baji&Mikey used to play in as children with a huge jungle gym), and the garden and dojo in the Sano house)

There's also the beach which can be reached mostly by Toman members

There's a train but they move around in motorbikes (and Mucho's car)

Motor shop to fix the bikes! Shinichiro can be found there with other BD members :)! (for some reasons, Mikey doesn't like it when Baji and Kazutora are there, so they have to find alternatives to fix their bikes (most of the time they ask another party member to take their bike))

Somehow, Manjiro subconsciously remember the story of Taiyaki-kun so there's a lake where Taiyaki-kun lives (he wants to leave but he can't :( )

It's the dreamworld so everyone is happy and has good relationships with everyone else

Somwhere there's a plane. It doesn't fly, but it's there, lying on the ground. It mustn't broke. (when it does, it leads to Blackspace) (Sanzu always tries to lead Mikey here)

Manjiro/Mikey don't fear a lot of things but things that may upset/trigger them are: mirrors/any type of reflection; whenever he sees a plane (won't make him go back to Whitespace but it's really close sometimes); (people needing to go to the) hospitals (no matter if it's bc they're sick or badly hurt) & probably other things but they don't come to mind sorry

Mikey's 'Something' is just.. everyone. They're all horrifying in a different way, but each person Mikey has failed haunts him (emphasis on Izana & Senju during Bonten)

The Somethings telling him 'I love you' in Blackspace 🥹

Important flowers would be black lilies (curse), and red and white spider lilies at the very end :) (Red spider lilies symbolizing the inability to meet again, farewell, death, loss, abandonment and White spider lilies symbolizing rebirth, meeting (anew), purity)

Also poppies since in Hanakotoba they can symbolize fun-loving and success, and in the more Western flower language they symbolize peaceful sleep and death, remembrance/remembering the fallen and renewal/resurrection among other things

(not a flower professional - just did some google researches so be careful with what I'm saying)

Whitespace:

Old blanket

NES (that he irl has in his bedroom and must hold a lot of memories of family/friends game night)

Mewo being replaced by Peke-j? But Mikey is not close to Peke-j(/not that close from Chifuyu (unlike other ppl)) from what we know. Peke-j could also be used as a way to show how guilty Manjiro is about Baji (and Chifuyu? Kazutora?)

moto figurines laying around? Little flags?

Probably wouldn't have a laptop

The journal+drawings stay tho. He deserves to vent

Deserves to keep the tissue box and cry, too

Blackspace:

Mikey goes in and out of it; he never chooses if he pops up in Whitespace, Dreamworld or Blackspace. It depends on how is his mind irl. There are also some places where he can directly enter it (ex: whenever the Concorde is broken)

Haruchiyo keeps dying. Or having his lower jaw removed out of nowhere (also happens in headspace -> leads Mikey to go back to Whitespace on the spot)

If we do put Peke-j in this AU as Mewo replacement, which choice do you think Mikey would make in the Cat dissection room with our dear mister the Cat Butler? /genuine

The three first timeline are very similar. Senju and Haruchiyo/Sanzu have a lesser role here. In the 3rd/Bad Toman, Kazutora is here and is hurt less by Mikey (whereas if he ever is present in the two firsts, Mikey won't be merciful)

Manila:

"You loved them and you killed them. You should just die." — hits more in this timeline than any other

Rather than Manjiro completely loosing against Mikey; there's a feeling of acceptance at the end of their fight from both parts. They can't go back, but they can't go further either.

Plus, Manjiro never fought for a will to live to start with

Actually I'm not sure if there'd be a fight to start with

Izana, S62 & Kakucho are not present in the headspace of this timeline

Bonten:

there's an entire space dedicated to Senju and Izana. It's filled with always-falling snow and everlasting sakura; the party can make snowmen and other snow constructions! There's a pond with a giant majestic beta fish somewhere, too (maybe it could interact with Taiyaki-kun, maybe not)

Edit: They live in a snow castle

those two are either safe in this place (*cough* until the snow and sakura start to get tainted by blood out of nowhere and they disappear and the flowers wilt *cough* The snow melts a bit under the warmth of blood and suddenly it's less a childhood joy and more just... Hellishly cold. bc the cold refuses to leave ofc *cough*) or with Shinichiro and Emma on the picnic blanket. Kakucho is always found around Izana so he can be found in the snow, too! (He's the one staying there when Izana & Senju disappear; he's panicking and extremely worried)

*cough* canonical Oyasumi ending *cough*

Timeline where the Somethings are the most troublesome and present

eat irl then go puke in the toilet

sleeps less and sleeps badly

Kanto Manji & Final timeline:

Still developing, mostly Whitespace

Mikey and Manjiro are not two different entities yet - Manjiro is not at that point where he suppresses all of his traumas when he's in the Dreamworld as Mikey

not a great emphasis on Senju since she doesn't die, but she's still there, having a lesser role

Draken, on the other hand- (it doesn't last long anyway since he travels back in time no long after)(I mean. it's still three months so maybe it's a bit long)

The "I have to tell you something"-timeline/ending, if there has to be one

[liedownquisition]

One thing that frustrates me sometimes is that the premise of the original RHATO team joining up together would not... take a lot to be made into something actually decent. Respect for the characters, really. Keep Kori's amnesia, keep Roy's isolation, but nudge the script a little:

Jason is vaguely familiar to Kori, because canonically they DID meet at least once when he was Robin (ignoring n52's everything tbh, the continuity still confuses me sometimes esp when some writers couldnt decide whether ot not 52 was a reboot or if they were going to keep referencing prior shit), but she doesn't remember, just has vague vibes and maybe he can help her with that if they knew each other? And Jason could try to help with what he can but he barely knew her, really. He's agonized bcs the only person he knows who might maybe help is Dick and he's Very Deliberately Estranged from the Bats.

Enter a tip from Talia. Maybe Jason reached out asking about the Titans, maybe she knows where he is and came to the conclusion that interacting with non-Bat heroes that he had a decently positive relationship before his death would be beneficial to him.

Roy's been off-grid since some time after Lian's death, pushing away everyone and deliberately running headfirst into things that could kill him. They're planning to televise his execution, but don't want to risk him getting rescued before that, but they can't hide from her spies. It solves a lot of problems then, doesn't it? Jason and Kori rescue him and he can help her with her memories and/or get her back in touch with the rest of their old team to help and Jason doesn't have to deal with any Bats himself.

But then they don't leave.

Kori's pretty content as she is, with people who know and have been helping her. Her memory loss isn't exactly life-threatening or anything and she's not in any hurry. Roy took one look at the two of them and came to the conclusion that he could help here, help both of them, and they won't judge him for what he's done or try to force him to reconnect with anyone before he was ready to face them/reality (if ever).

And Jason? Jason's a wounded animal snapping at anyone and anything that tries to come too close and covering up his own issues by fucking with shitty ppl & ruining their day. It's a bit of a challenge to make him chill out, but neither of the other two are afraid of that and he's already done all this to help them so why not return the favor?

Jason's the "leader", not because he's more qualified to lead a team but because he needs the feeling of being in control. There's only three of them and there's enough power & experience between them to compensate if anything goes off the rails & Roy's fluent enough in Bat from all his history with Dick to nudge Jason a little to the left if he has to. It's halfway between babysitting and a vacation.

(Amusingly this gave me the mental image of Roy & Kori in beach gear slurping colorful mocktails and Jason running around on an adult-sized child leash.)

You could even keep Roy/Kori, build it up slightly more, ect., ect. Just make it an actual relationship & not turning Kori into a sex doll lmao. I mean they were friends! Even without Dick they were friends with Each Other! & sometimes friendships can get sexual or turn into relationships!

None of this fixes like the racism & such in a bunch of the plot but that's a speech for whole different post I think, and I'm honestly not sure if I've got the chops to redesign all that. At the very least, it would be too big of a distraction from everything else I'm already easily distracted from working on lmao.

[barry-j-blupjeans]

📓!

listen listen listen. i think about this one too much.

angus mcdonald, boy detective. he's not exactly new to the detective business, but he solved a pretty Big case and now ppl respect him more. they give him Special Permissions. specifically, he is given permission to take a crack at some older unsolved cases after solving one that has stumped everyone for Quite Some Time (insert classic spicy murder case here). he's getting to become a pretty Notable Detective and he is Ready For This. and a lot of them really just needed a fresh pair of eyes. like, hello, of course old mrs johnson wasn't murdered by her dog, it was obviously her Goddamn Husband, Holy Shit. that kinda thing, yknow??

so he takes this new case on. missing person, easy peasy. only it is not, in fact, easy peasy. the case goes as followed: elven woman, 300ish years old, has been missing for 10 years, was wearing a red robe, had an umbrella etc etc. it's a very pathetic case, if im being completely honest. angus tries to contact the family but the only stone line they gave is dead and every address they gave comes up fruitless. he thinks that maybe they're like, dead, or they gave up. understandable, considering their case had pretty much been declaimed dead before it started.

(which only makes angus wanna solve it more, ofc ofc)

and try as he might, angus just keeps hitting dead ends. like, so many fucking dead ends. he always feels like he gets close to something, but there's a Mental Block stopping him. not like a "i dont know what to do next" mental block, like a "i cannot physically comprehend what's going on anymore" mental block. he spends a while doing other cases, but he keeps coming back to it because there has never been a case angus mcdonald couldn't solve.

eventually, he finds another lead. or well, another case. the rockseeker family hears word about him and hire him to take a crack at finding cyrus rockseeker. coincidentally, he went missing ten years ago. that in itself is not too unusual- faerun as a whole has a disturbing amount of missing person cases, most dating 10 to 12 years ago. but that's a different thing entirely. the point is is that angus had a lead on where cyrus might have gone. the rockseekers own a mine- wave echo cave- and angus is like, 90% sure that's where he went.

so he gets down there and he doesn't find cyrus- but he does find someone else. red robe, check. umbrella, check. elf… skeleton- not preferable, but check. and angus, of course, does not want to tamper with crime scene evidence but he's gotta take something back with him to get tested, to use as proof so they can send another team down here, etc. so he takes the umbrella. and the ding dang skeleton disintegrates. aw man D:

so now he has an umbrella. a lead one case (angus knows all about the door n the rockseeker blood and all that. he had to sit through 45 mins of the rockseekers explaining this to him. but cyrus has got to be behind that door.), a kind of solved second case. at the very least, he can now inform the family what happened to their elf friend and assure them that he will continue to update them as the rockseeker case progresses.

only he can't find them. at all.

this is where the idea gets a little choppy. bc one one hand, i would Love for him to be able to find them before anything else. bc i like confrontation scenes. i did write a lil ficlet on that that we are ignoring for the sake of this ask meme lsdkfsd.

on the other hand, i have a very very vivid image of angus continuing to work on rockseeker case and trying to find the elf woman's family. when that falls through, he makes the rockseeker case his main priority. except that like- this umbrella does not want to leave him alone. the magic department in goldcliff say that it's an umbrastaff which means it's magic. and while angus does not want to tamper with evidence, it's hard when the thing literally rolls after him. it's his Friend now!! he loves it! it throws flames at his enemies!

anyway lskdfsd eventually it gets to a point where the rockseeker family is called in to help open the door- if they want to know where cyrus went, they're gonna have to get in that room. angus has a very uncomfortable adventure with gundren rockseeker and finally, finally the door is open. inside is, as predicted, is cyrus. except he's all burnt up and there's this Glove on his hand. and, again, angus does not like tampering with evidence but this time he doesnt even get to debate his reasons why by gundren is taking the glove and then he's on fire and, yknow, all of that.

jumpcut to angus in phandalin. end of htbg's style, the city goes up in flames, angus hides in the well with his umbrella friend. by the time he gets out, the entire city is just. Gone. n all that's left is the circle of black glass.

this, ofc, leads to a lot of investigations on what the Fuck happened. angus gives the glove a wide berth as he calls in reinforcements. part of me wants to say the militia takes the glove, somehow, but that seems like a mess. i think it's more of them blocking off the area and trying to figure out what the fuck it is, because they all feel the Weird Vibes about it. several people end up banned from the case because they just- want it so bad.

one morning, angus wakes up (im imagining little tents set up around the glassing) to an alarm blaring. there are People trying to steal the glove. angus isn't the toughest lil guy, but he's determined and he's fast, so he's the first to catch up with them. the thieves have this big silver ship that they are racing back, but Angus somehow manages to cut them off. he points the umbrastaff at them and is like "what the FUCK do you think your doing??"

missing person case, now ft. angus mcdonald as the role of Missing Person. turns out these thieves are not above kidnapping if you've got the umbralla that belonged to their long lost family member.

i could go on. i have imagined this so many different ways. i have so many thoughts. this got so long help sldjfsdf

[butchviking]

could you elaborate on your idea of treating dysphoria with therapy. i guess you don't have it figured out yet because if you did you would've already therapied the dysphoria out of yourself. but like. what are your ideas? where do you think dysphoria comes from? how could one fix it with therapy? conversion therapy gets a bad rep, how different or similar is your idea of fixing dysphoria with therapy from the spooky idea people have of conversion therapy? anything else you want add

oh i sure the fuck don't have it figured out. i have no kind of education or training or qualifications in anything like that i am just another dysphoric dyke on the internet. i just wish anyone who IS in that field seemed 2 b listening lol

so im not aware of any standardised therapy to target dysphoria in any way, but ive known & heard from soooo many detrans/desisted/reidentified/etc women that therapy has either hugely helped w their dysphoria or in some cases they've been able to eliminate it entirely. a lot of the time ppl talk like dysphoria is smthn that is just ingrained into you as a person, something you're born with and something that - unless u transition - u will eventually die with. but that's not true! there are often very real causes that can be found out and dealt with. fr example a lot of women have identified the main cause of their dysphoria to be childhood trauma, often abuse and very often sexual abuse (it doesn't take a genius to figure out why this would lead to someone hating/resenting/feeling wrong in/being disgusted by their body. doesn't take a genius to figure out why they'd want to be male instead.) and i mean. listen talking with a group of women anyway there's usually a lot of trauma. but talking with a group of transmascs is like. jesus fucking christ there is so often so much awful shit that has happened to them. (in fact this def applies to transwomen too tbh, ive known a looot of transwomen w a history of sexual abuse. not as many as transmen but definitely higher than the general male population). physical abuse (or witnessing the physical abuse of a mother) can be another cause; that feeling of never wanting to be a scared helpless little girl again and wanting to be strong and able to defend yourself - things that are usually associated w men. these thoughts aren't usually conscious, its not like u think "i want to be a man bc i blame my body for what was done to me and i feel like if i could get out of my skin and be something more powerful i'd be safe and happy" - but thats what ppl often find out in therapy, and after coming 2 terms w that they find they don't have to take it out on themselves anymore and they manage to make peace with their body.

for a lot of women their dysphoria was caused by simple social restriction - ive no doubt in my mind that a huge reason for mine is not being able to be topless in public or have my shirt unbuttoned or jesus christ even just. just fucking EXIST without them having to be an ISSUE. i weaned myself off binding years ago and for a long time i managed 2 get to a place where i didnt even think abt my chest that much. and then some guy makes one comment abt how i never wear bras and its like. oh god i had tried to forget that you people can SEE them. and that sent me into a lil spiral for like a month lol 👍 pair that w going to mcr nj and forgetting to wear a bra the first night and finding my movement severely restricted due to not wanting my tits flying everywhere and i came back from that trip like. can someone just fuciing cut them off. (mcr PLEASE stop transing my gender im not strong enough...) (actually i was going to say that after that trip i wore a binder for the first time in years but i think im getting my timeline mixed up. i think that was before the show actually. bc i distinctly remember that i packed it for the trip 'just in case' and that was after i'd already worn it once around the house & once to a wedding) and obviously idk what the solution is for me there but i think a combination of therapy & lifestyle changes could help me get at least somewhere. i know that for other women lifestyle changes have been a huge factor - living & being around only women has been so healing fr a lot of detrans/dysphoric ladies & ive read some really moving things abt the impact going to womyns land has had fr some. misogyny in general can really wear down how u feel abt ur body over time, without u ever necessarily attributing your feelings to that. and when i say 'misogyny' im also including the simple existence of gender in that! to be born and to be separated into a category based on your body and to have that be something thats supposed to dictate how you live your entire life - you have a vagina so you have to wear this and act like this and people will have these expectations of u and you're limited by these restrictions and if you step out of line, if u dont do femininity or dont do it well enough, you will be punished. by god of course u grow to hate your body and your role in the world. of course u wish u could be a man and just fucking. live and breathe and exist without all these stupid fucking made-up rules & requirements! for a lot of ppl, recognising that & recognising that the problem doesn't lie with them, but with a society that made them feel that way, is huge. & after that realisation they can begin a process of forgiving their body. turning the blame out from where they've internalised it. & this is definitely why so many detrans/desisted/reidentified women get so hard into feminism. that's what brought me to radblr in the first place & started my own process of reidentification!

now obv i can't cover every possible cause of dysphoria here bc its as many & varied as ppl are. and listen im on mobile so i cant see how long this is but jesus christ i know it must be fucking long. and its still going to get much longer! so there is one last obvious cause of dysphoria that no-one likes to talk abt, but which is probably THE most concretely linked: being gay! for at LEAST hundreds of years (im sure there are some ladies around here who could attest to older sources tbh, it could be millenia for all i know) lesbians have written about feeling like they're a man's soul in a woman's body. sexual inversion theory was the default belief for how and why people were homosexual for a long, long time. and that theory is so completely alive and well. im not even going to say any more on this one. it's obvious and i think almost every single butch lesbian (& plenty of non-butch lesbians) feels this at SOME point. the proportion of homosexuals in the transgender population is definitely higher than in the general population. however even if ur het that can induce dysphoria too, cause u get ppl who say they don't want to date men as a woman, they want to do it as a man - which a lot of ppl put down to gay fetishisation but i don't think its all about that. i think its abt wanting to be on equal footing. so no-one is safe really!

ok. so what is the difference between this and conversion therapy. conversion therapy in my mind is smthn that seeks to 'correct' your behaviour/identity, rather than smthn with the goal of alleviating distress. like i don't think any of the stuff ive talked abt should b done w the goal of making someone not identify as trans anymore - idk identify how u want i guess. the identity isn't really the thing that matters. u don't even need to identify as trans in the first place for any of that stuff to b helpful - it's all abt lessening the distress u feel w ur own body. and the main thing 'trans conversion therapy' means 2 me is trying to force gender conformity on someone. like trying to get them to accept their assigned gender role. to get a gnc female who identifies as transmasc to ditch not only the identity but the gnc behaviours & presentation and accept their 'place' in the world as a woman. and gender (a word which to me is synonymous with the phrase 'gender roles' like they dont exist separately that is literally what gender is. its roles.) is my greatest enemy in the world FUCK gender and i don't ever ever think anyone should b forced to abide by it. i think it is the greatest evil on this planet. to me, the comparison of therapeutic dysphoria treatment to conversion therapy is like. say if someone was gay, and was severely distressed by being gay. they couldn't accept it and they hated it and they were depressed about it. this person would definitely benefit from therapy to help them ACCEPT the fact that they're gay and to help them feel comfortable with themselves about it. which is very very different from a 'therapy' which aims to make them not gay anymore. u know?

now im not going to pretend i know or even believe that everyone's dysphoria can be alleviated or erased with therapy. i have no idea how many ppl this would work for. maybe it would help 5% of ppl, maybe it would help 50%, or 95%. honest to god i have no idea. and sometimes figuring out the root causes of your dysphoria doesn't really do jack shit. there's a lot of things in my life i could point to that explain mine. but the trouble is that knowing that doesn't make it go away. it's a mental illness & it's as complicated & often stubborn as any other. chances are that therapy would help some ppl and not help others. and if u try it out & it doesn't help & u still think transition is the right path, then cool! if that's an informed choice and a medical risk/commitment you're willing to take then honestly i believe in giving ppl that right. but like i said the other day, the big thing is that without the OPTION of psychological treatment, there's really only the option of transition. well that's not tru actually, because some people do choose to simply live w their dysphoria, much as one might live w many other mental illnesses. i feel like that's also not an option spoken about often. u can actually just live with it. learn to manage it rather than try to cure it, let it ebb & flow. a lot of the time that will suck, but what mental illness doesn't? for many ppl, learning ways to manage & live w their dysphoria is a more sensible choice for their lifestyle than transition, which basically makes u a lifelong medical patient. for some ppl it's better than taking the health risks. sometimes u just gotta power thru.

anything else i want to add - yes, of course there is. there's a million things i could probably add. i could talk abt this for hours. actually i probably have bc i kept coming back 2 this on breaks at work so im sure ive put a couple of hrs into it by now. i didn't even mention eating disorders and how commonly comorbid they are w dysphoria; how it's all just different forms of body dysmorphia (but as many ppl have said, when an anorexic tells a doctor their body is wrong the doctor tell them no, your mind is wrong, and you need psychological treatment. not so with dysphoria.) the transwomen ive seen basically turn into plastic surgery addicts always seeking more and more changes bc they don't reach the end-point they'd imagined, where they're happy w their body now, bc the discomfort always came from inside their head and their body was never really the problem. the transmen who plan on just taking hormones but not getting top surgery, or vice versa, and then end up doing both AND getting phallo and often still finding themselves unsatisfied at the end. the unrealistic expectations people often have in the first place when starting transition, and the doctors who, instead of being realistic and helping patients to manage their expectations, promise the absolute world - leaving ppl completely mentally unprepared if things don’t go so well, where perhaps some therapy beforehand could have helped them accept what they’re getting into. the studies showing that although ppl REPORT being happier after transition, their life satisfaction scores on assessments aren't actually any higher than before. but i just got home and got to my computer and it turns out this reply is already. my god. over 2,000 words long. and holy shit even viewing it on desktop it’s enormous. so u gotta know when to quit i guess.

thank u so much for asking this. y’all know how much i love to talk abt this topic. i know everything is split into ‘sides’ on this sometimes, like it’s just some discourse, but it’s real people’s real lives and it’s so so important to me for everyone to see that. i want trans & dysphoric ppl to have more options, and to know about the options that they do have. there may not be any standardised dysphoria therapy but as i say, many women HAVE had life-changing results with other kinds of therapy, and there are many professionals out there who will absolutely work with you to the best of their ability if you want to get to the bottom of your dysphoria and come up with ways to lessen it or manage it. unfortunately, there are also many who will run for the hills because they don’t want to endanger their licence or reputation by being branded as conversion therapists. and i want feminists who see this as a solely political issue to see the humanity here and to recognise that dysphoria is a very real and often very debilitating mental illness that can’t always be cured by just explaining to someone that gender is made-up and bad. and no-one is a traitor to the female sex or an inherent misogynist for the choices they make to deal with that mental illness and live their happiest life.

and im. so sorry for all of ur dashboards. but hey, if u can scroll past 79 images per day of my chemical romance, then im sure u can scroll past this too if it’s of no interest to u. i hope not tho. if u read this all then god bless i am so thankful. everyone have a wonderful day <3 i am going to go have a nice big glass of mead bc it’s been a long night & all this thinking make hal head hurt. peace ✌️

[storiesat3am]

Master list

Coming soon!

Supernatural

Dean x reader

The mystery girl:The mystery girl. Yn is a nephelam who got captured by demon on a hunt. She is 20, unaware of her powers and abilities and unaware of her abilities. She had meet the Winchesters before and have a close relationship with both but closer with the eldest. She had a crush on him before but she wasn't expecting for them both to get a surprise, to find one another and to be rescued by the brothers. The brothers didn't expect to find someone else on the case or rescuing a girl who doesn't even remember them and they know her name but memories for the 3 become fuzzy after a moment and only ppl who remember each other are the brothers. and they need to find out what's going on and who this girl is.

Warning: fluff/angst/smut/violence/cursing/drinking/blood

An Angel: he feel for a girl who just walked into his life one day when cas couldn't show she was sent and he couldn't help but want her around just as much if not more then cas. She feel for him to bit being. Angel she wasn't allowed to show anything of the such one night she heard dean calling for her only to be garaged with a other type of need

Warning:smut/fluff

Please: dean and y/n have to been together for year and this last hunt almost took her life y/n was injured badly as tho they still had a fight as sam tried to fix her um things only got worse days later of deans sharp painful words ring threw her like dangers of a angel radio and had locked the bathroom door while sam and dean where out or so she belived

Warning: Angst/fluff/ mentions of self harm/yelling/violence/drinking/cursing/mocking

Sam x reader

Hazel eyes: those green hazel eyes staring at you across the room from a party the green so bright his eyes soft you meet at a party you where on a hunt he was just a normal person there at the time you two talked and you forgot about the case and feel in love with a hunter who wants a normal life and you wanted it to

Warning:fluff just fluff.

I do: you and sam have been dating for years hunting with dean and he finally decided to ask you to marry him dean thought it was. Joke or another hunt gone wrong with you two he soon realized it was very real when you two decide to try to take a vacation only lasting short time

Warning: fluff/smut

Sammy: hunt gone wrong while you Teo where hunting without dean you got into a fight and so you ended up hurt when dean got the call the two got into a fight Dean saw u as a little sister and they quick went from yelling to sam pushing dean around to there where on the floor fighting while you layer on the bed in pain unable to use your voice.

Warning:smut/fluff/angst/yelling/crying/blood

A group: you , sam , dean on a hunt together but you split up you and sam get pushed to one side while dean took the other you both quickly forgotten the case and thought about a different case

Warning:fluff/smut

Castiel x reader

Just a girl:

Warning:fluff

No angel:

Warning: smut/angst/fluff/ body insecurities

Blue eyes:

Warning:smut

Demons:

Warning: smut/angst/fluff/ violence/blood/ cursing

Gabe x reader

Angles:

Warning: smut

Secrets:

Warning: fluff/angst

Tricks:

Warning: smut/fluff

Blood:

Warning:motion of self harm/angst/ yelling/ cursing/ depression/anxiety/fluff eventually

Request are welcomed!

Actors

Secret Lovers:Jensen has been keeping this relationship under cover because he wasn't sure how the public would react to this relationship to someone only a year younger then his self. He loved her to much to ever think of her being hurt. She found it annoying they couldn't go out like a normal couple. She got annoyed they couldn't do anything normal and she felt hidden when he is on call. She had to stay quite as much as Jensen wanted to so all the things with her. One day she got annoyed and decided to say something to him leading to a small fight.

Jensen x reader

Warning:smut/fluff/maybe some angst

Angel or Demon: he meet a girl on a case seemed like a angle but the mind of a killer skilled as a demon is to torture. He didn't know what she was. He had seen the un human powers she had shown he thought she was like him slowly finding out more she wasn't anything close to human she was a close make to God and he realized the person he loved was a goddess in all lore.

Warning: smut/fluff/angst

Samxreader

CowGirl- born in a pure country area close to Texas you grew up ridding horses and when you heard someone would be coming to your horse farm for a show you where interested and so you meet Jared and told you about his show and his long standing carer of acting leaving some darker sides of his life out he didn't know would come to haunt him sooner then he thought

Jared× reader

Warning:fluff/smut/angst

[cartoonrival]

you might have talked about this before, but I'd love to know what the Chaotix are like in your AU! I miss the archie crew so bad

YAAA so the whole gang is knux, js, mighty, ray, charmy, espio, and vector. charmy hasn’t gotten back from his colony in my archie reading so idk saffron yet, but considering her position in the story as charmys fiancé and that my version would def have charmy still be 6 (and not a prince), i’m not currently planning on including her but idk maybe her character will really speak to me and ill find a way to rewrite her backstory and fit her in another way.

mighty and ray’s meeting story is a little different, i still like the idea of ray not having any living family left and mighty rescuing him, but instead of the whole prison camp thing i think ray was a survivor in a roboticized town that the chaotix visited (without needing to deal w the echidnaopolis/dingos/good-god-what-is-that debacles they would prob be a bit closer tied to the freedom fighters, but i still Do want to give them their own unique facet of the story instead of just ffs version2. still a wip.). maaaaaybe ray reminds mighty of tilly and thats part of the reason why he takes ray in, but tbh i’m not a big fan of the whole “i only (started to) care about this person because they remind me of someone else i loved.” especially in light of rays anxiety about mighty getting tilly back and being scared tilly would replace him. so still not set in stone why mighty would decide to invite ray to join them. maybe it was just his big ole eyes. he looked very polite

something i kinda wanna explore is the origins of the detective agency, i don’t think id try to involve everyone in it though. it would still just be espio charmy and vector. the three of them eventually move off the island for business reasons, which would lead into why they’re so strapped for cash in a way that doesn’t seem to be affecting knuckles mighty js and ray. because the former three are actually trying to enter an at least somewhat capitalist society (sorry). i’m not sure how it would end up being those 3 specifically though or why they would decide to become detectives. i’m coming up with nearly all of this on the spot because you prompted me to even think hard about it (thank you)

charmy def only came along because when push comes to shove hes their little brother and they couldnt leave him behind, maybe it was esp and vec’s idea to begin with because they started accidentally solving cases and found they were actually good at it, and kinda similar to how they got a lot of work after the metal virus helping ppl find loved ones, they figured they could be of similar help with deroboticized mobians, and the other four just respectfully declined (knux and js for obvious reasons, and mighty just didnt think he was cut out for that sort of thing. and ray is sticking w mighty).

js and knux are def the two most tightly rooted to the island, but js is more prone to cabin fever than knuckles is so she does leave pretty often. usually she tries to get knuckles to come with her and someone else will watch the emerald, but even though knuckles DOES trust his friends he gets kinda antsy if hes away from it for too long or too often, so a lot of the time she leaves by herself or with someone else. archie!chaotix kind of put the story in a position where knuckles didnt have to worry about the master emerald quite as much because he had a bunch of friends who lived on the island and could cycle through guard duty when he wasnt there. it wasnt a BAAAD thing per se but the emerald is such a key part of knuckles character that i feel like if he no longer has to bear that weight alone then the core of his character is lost a bit ToT if you know what im saying. so i dont want him to be quite so willing to just let someone else handle it.

im on the fence about espio's spy backstory w the shinobi, i enjoyed READING it but idk if id want to carry through with it. the idea of him learning stuff that he just keeps from people could be recycled somehow though

[kreuiza]

okay next episode of i’m a hoe

so me and gang kissed and shi and like aghhhh LIKE MY FAULT MY FAULT I GET DRUNK AND WANNA KISS PPL AND YOU WERE JUST THERE

either way i feel like i led him on cause last night he was like “so are we gonna talk about it”

bro what do you want to talk about

either way he texted me good morning today and like he didn’t bring it up but like idk did

either way i told him im chilling and i dont want anything to do with him and i don’t have hoes or want hoes

i genuinely don’t i don’t want to play these stupid games

like i was drunk we kissed it was meaningless

if you only have me when i’m drunk you don’t really have me yk?

like if i don’t sit there and fw SOBER

i might just not fw you

and drunk kisses>>

either way i told him we are gang and we are chillin

and truthfully i don’t see him in that way like he’s cool i just don’t he is fr hb but hb is only hb cause he wants me as stupid as that sounds

idk either way tias awesome she’s great when i bring guys over cause she makes them feel special and shi LIKE SHES EVIL SHE KNEW WHAT SHE WAS DOING SO DOES MY MOM

idk feels weird and i told this other guy about what happened let’s call that guy OH THE WHAT ARE WE GUY

he’s upset cause i won’t trust him and cause im not “loyal” in the talking stage

mf why should i be give my all to someone im not even with?

as much as we flirt and kiss and shit bro we can do wtv im not fucking you tho

JUST SAYING KISSING AND FLIRTING AINT TO BAD

just not my body yk? like that’s for the ppl i actually fw

my bodies have always just been my boyfriends but that got ruined when i tried to get my “lick” back w jaden

which was literally just embarrassing for me which is also why i don’t like sleeping with people im good without it i don’t need it in my life

but still glad i don’t go around fucking everyone doesn’t make me less of a hoe tho

oh but the what are we guy is cool he got jealous apperently but he is confusing he’s a great guy too just confusing i don’t like confusing

like i cannot tell you what we are he might want something or i just don’t think he does

like him and emi are one of the same i think

i don’t know if i fw it

either way i don’t want none of them i have my eyes on one guy and honestly i might try that be loyal while just talking

and i don’t know if i should but im not ready to date anyone rn but i know i want to be with him

so might talk to him about it and be like

“hey so you know i fw you and shit and honestly speaking i want to be in a relationship with you but im not ready for one but i do want to put the boundary of like im not gonna fw someone else if you think there’s any chance we can make it work?” like he can do what he wants as long and he isn’t throwing it in my face

like just talk to him about everything and see how he takes it maybe

cause i don’t know i don’t want him to think im also leading him on he’s different than who i consider a “hoe”

like i don’t talk to anyone but him and i get happy when he texts me but that isn’t everything i need to make sure im good to even be with someone

much more that i’d make a good gf for him which rn i don’t think i will

but i also want to be single for a couple months i need that time for myself and if he decided to stay then he stays if he doesn’t then he won’t there’s no harm in trying tho

idk yet he seems like a great guy and i actually do see him in that aspect i always have

which is so fckn cringe but idk

IF IT WORKS OUT IT WORKS if not then that’s life

but idk if i should talk to him because once i do that makes it serious

that is no longer just a guy im talking to

that’d be the guy

not some guy or just a guy or a hoe or sm bullshit

just

i don’t want him to think he’s like every other guy cause he isn’t but the only way i can show that is the fact of me letting go of the other guys and any other guy that comes up

and honestly i like doing that i like having to put my priority on like think of him constantly i like that lovey dovey shit

i don’t want to be talking to ppl and getting ppl annoyed or mad cause im “confusing”

mf what’s there to be confused about i already told you i don’t want you and i am not looking to play games

i don’t want games that shit is annoying i don’t wanna shit here and keep hurting people because i know i don’t want them

which it’s only confusing because i don’t want you to

if i wanted you you’d know

if you don’t think i fw you i literally might just not

[wingedshadowfan]

ooh i love this bcuz i've been thinking in a very similar direction!

i fully agree that it was implied caitlyn had some sort of leverage in the council but we weren't shown whether she was ever officially given a seat at it, which is why i have issues w/ ppl saying "she could've done X"/"she could've reestablished the council" like maddie said. i don't think she had that much power, especially in the situation where other councilors were missing but not presumed dead and voting couldn't take place (and voting taking place wouldn't insure her getting in either).

i'm sure we'd understand more if we rewatched s1 and looked more closely at her relationship w/ her mother. because it seemed like cassandra didn't want caitlyn to become an enforcer, she wanted her to become a councilor, but caitlyn chose differently for herself. she symbolically gave the seat up when she took up a job as an enforcer in direct defiance (instead of idk, getting taught to be a councilor/receiving the kiramman key sooner to prepare to fulfill her role, which should be a thing for hereditary seats) and her mother was hoping she'd change her mind. but caitlyn was always a woman of actions, not words.

i think not all seats are hereditary - for example mel's, or heimerdinger's (perhaps bcuz of the spawning behavior of his kind if that's even a thing in arcane canon) which was given to jayce. there's also a possibility that a councilor chooses who to give their seat to after retiring (and of course, most would choose to keep it within their family for class, status and legacy puroses) - but the councilors who died didn't get to appoint anyone in their place because they hadn't anticipated the possibility of getting violently blown to shreds during a vote.

caitlyn was just an officer who became head/leader of house kiramman (the family matriarch) with the death of her mother but she was never officially appointed by her as a counselor, and was quick to become commander with ambessa's help in order to get closer to her revenge. so she likely didn't even ask for a councilor seat and wouldn't have been able to take one up with everything already on her plate.

i think the choice of sevika was the people's choice too but that doesn't mean it wasn't caitlyn's choice. sevika is a formidable fighter who tried killing caitvi more than once under silco's command, yes, but she's always been more loyal to the cause than to him. she never said vander was wrong, she said he was weak so i think she fundamentally agreed with him but found he didn't have what it took to be assertive in zaun's name. not to mention silco had been dead for a while and sevika didn't assume his place like the people at his table who fought for it wanted to. she never was and didn't become a wealthy crimelord. she has been trying to rally up the undercity but not aiming to assume total control over it the way he was. caitlyn must've taken note of this during her invasion efforts to find jinx.

remember sevika and scar were the zaun representatives who showed up at the council when jayce was asking for different factions' help in the fight? jinx was a symbol of unity and the fight for zaunite freedom of oppression but she was never a leader in practice - it was also sevika who showed up to lead the zaunites into battle. and i'm not saying her efforts with jinx weren't coordinated (the colorful smoke as an element of surprise hiding the zaunites), but jinx did her thing with ekko and the firelights while sevika was the leader and commander for everyone else. something caitlyn would've also noticed or learned about.

now i'm 100% positive ekko didn't want the seat (which wouldn't have mattered bcuz i doubt he was offered). he was clearly grieving jinx last we saw him but we know from the alternative universe episode that he has an extreme sense of loyalty to his community. he was presented the perfect life and all he wanted in spite of it all was to get back to fix things w/ the tree and because he knew he was needed. he would never abandon what he's spent years building for a seat at the council. he's the leader of the firelights and their commune, not someone who advocated for zaun unifying like sevika did. he's a faction leader and as such he's never studied the interests of other factions or made himself familiar with them like she has.

i strongly believe it was caitlyn who made sure sevika got her mother's seat (whether she somehow gave her the kiramman inherited/appointed seat or advocated strongly for her to be the one to get it), because the writers wouldn't have put sevika there considering the empty seats if not for its implications. are you still in this fight, violet? but furthermore, i argue caitlyn knew it had to be sevika. if not for all of the aforementioned reasons (which i only speculate caitlyn knew about as a commander, military leader, daughter of a politician and an incredibly intelligent character), sevika was the people's choice so conversely she was caitlyn's too.

I've been doing a lot of thinking about this theory that Caitlyn gave up her council seat to Sevika. This idea is based on the following:

Sevika now occupies the seat that Cassandra used to sit in

Certain council seats are inherited

Caitlyn used her influence to put Sevika in the Kiramman seat

I'd like to posit an alternative theory.

There's no question that Sevika now sits in Cassandra's old seat, so I'll simply acknowledge that and move on to the second point.

Certain council seats are inherited

I can understand why people make this assumption, but for me it remains uncertain. My primary disillusionment with this idea comes from Salo and his reactions to Caitlyn being present at council meetings after Cassandra's death.

Here Mel replies that Caitlyn is a witness who can provide valuable information. She doesn’t say Caitlyn is entitled to be there.

Cait doesn't claim that she has a right to be on the council, but asserts her authority as an officer. She uses her family name, sure, but neither she nor anyone else mentions any pending appointment to a council seat.

If the council seat is Cait's birthright why would Salo challenge her like this?

We don't get a lot of time with Caitlyn and her parents, but they never mention Caitlyn's future as a councillor. Cassandra says only "You're a councillor's daughter, your actions reflect on the entire body".

So what do we actually know about how council seats are assigned? We know that the council can add or remove members by unanimous vote (Jayce and Heimerdinger). We know that Mel is a Noxian who likely did not inherit her seat as her family isn't from Piltover. We also know that the council always had seven members before Jayce. Which makes me wonder - whose seat did Mel take over? Why wasn't that seat passed on to that councillor's heir if the seats stay in certain families?

I spent some time analysing what I could about the other new council members at the end of s2 - and I can't rule out that at least some of them could be heirs or house/clan members of the deceased councillors. Certainly Bolbok's seat seems to have passed to another of his kind, and the new occupant of Hoskel's seat could be a relation based on looks and clothing style. Unfortunately we do not get a look at the new owner of Salo's seat. However there are at least two vacant seats that are not hereditary (Mel's and Jayce's) so if Caitlyn did inherit a seat there would be no implicit need for her to give it up since there were so many other vacancies. There is also Heimerdinger's 8th (non-hereditary) seat which remains unoccupied.

So are these seats inherited or are they just generally appointed to members of influential houses, hence there being some semblance of continuity? I can't say for sure.

I do think that Caitlyn not being on the council is her own decision though, whether she gave up an inherited seat or declined to be considered for one when new councillors were being appointed.

Which brings us to my second nitpick about this theory…

Caitlyn used her influence to put Sevika in the Kiramman seat

Caitlyn knows that Sevika was Silco's right hand. She watched Sevika grievously wound and attempt to kill Vi. She had a brutal fight against her when she and Vi went after Jinx. She may have heard from Vi of Sevika's betrayal of Vander years earlier. Caitlyn has never seen any other side to Sevika. If Caitlyn were choosing a Zaunite for the council it would not have been Sevika. It would've been Ekko.

Ekko had built a haven for refugees and a competent resistance force against Silco, was a trusted community leader, and - like Sevika - had come to Piltover's defence during the battle against the Noxians and Viktor. To Cait, he would've appeared reasonable and compassionate compared to Silco and Sevika's ruthlessness and cruelty. She saw that Ekko had a desire to enact positive change in the undercity and had demonstrated a willingness to compromise and work with Cait and Piltover to do so. Sevika tried to kill Caitlyn and Vi. Ekko saved their lives.

So what actually happened after Caitlyn ended martial law and reformed the council? Apart from declining a seat for herself, I think she pushed for Zaun to be given a seat at the table, and then deferred to Zaunites to choose their own representative. Ekko either didn't want it, or didn't have the influence to win out over Sevika. I imagine Sevika being present and a leader of the Zaunite resistance movement for the months that Ekko had been zapped to a different timeline would've made the difference there. And perhaps Zaunites preferred Sevika because she is strong, ruthless and uncompromising. Who better to defend you and safeguard your interests against the untrustworthy Pilties?

tldr

It's unclear whether Caitlyn was entitled to a council seat and gave it up, or if she simply declined to be considered for one.

She likely was instrumental in advocating for Zaunites having a seat at the table

…but Sevika would not have been her choice. Sevika being there is the will of Zaun. Not Caitlyn.

Thoughts?

[magnoliamyrrh]

How do you deal with self-harm urges?

(tw talk of different things ive used to self harm)

i still struggle with it a lot of times still, with the urges that is, and every once in awhile i do relapse (sometimes less sometimes really bad), but thankfully ive been able to go months on end without doing it, or i think sometimes like a year and a half or maybe more? i started cutting when i was 12, so frankly im a bit impressed w myself for the times ive been able to stop after so many years. ive found thankfully that the longer you go without, the more the urges to keep doing it go down

and uhhh idk. several things i guess?

sometimes (often if its rly bad) ill scratch myself w my nails (not drawing blood just irritating the skin and it kinda hurts) and sometimes that makes it go away, its enough pain to calm me down without permanent damage. i know ppl say to use icecubes and ive tried a couple of times but it really doesn't work for me - glad it does for others. uhm ill try to go take really hot showers until i calm down, that tends to work. sometimes ill try to just,,,,, this may sound stupid but if something in particular triggers me and i feel the urge, i try to remain either physically paralized or try to distract myself w anything until it passes; harder said than done. listening to loud music in headphones also kinda helps w that sometimes. every once in awhile ill try to do something like tear apart paper or some other thing and sometimes that does something?

and tbh this isnt good but smoking cigarettes makes me do it a bit less. but like Do Not Do This, i actually consider cigarettes to be a MUCH Much worse form of self harm than a lot of cutting. because end of the day if youre careful, cutting leaves you with scars only. cigs can absolutely wreck your health long term and its a horrible addiction. just because its more socially acceptable than cutting doesnt mean its not more dangerous; ive actually had plenty of psychs and therapists agree w me on this one

hmm. ill try to go for a walk, if i can, until the worse of the urge passes. or alternatively i will go and drive around aimlessly listening to music until they pass. sometimes if the urge isnt super super strong, i also find that it helps to draw - ive been using vent art as a way to cope for years, and sometimes drawing cuts or scars on a representation of myself gets that urge a little bit out of me

....... i feel like doing psychadelics really helped me do this less and quit many times - they make you not really wanna hurt yourself and love yourself and take care of yourself better, while also dealing w the underlining issues and mechanisms which lead to the urge in the first place

....i try to keep in mind that it doesnt truly help. its not worth it. maybe it gives some temporary satisfaction or release, but it doesnt Really help. its a vicious cycle you enter in many times, when you start disliking yourself even more for cutting and feel even worse, and then you cut yourself again over that...... i try my best to keep in mind that punishing myself like that doesnt help anything and that i dont deserve it, and i try to keep in mind that taking out my emotional pain or frustration like that on myself doesnt really help either.... long term, it will just make it worse - and is that really what i want?

its good to learn too, how to not put yourself down for cutting once you do it or relapse, bc that just leads to spiraling. it happened, its okay, it is what it is, no need to feel bad over it or start throwing insults at yourself over it...... its hard, but it helps to try to be gentle with yourself

...something else that helps me do it less too at times is that lol, i have chronic pain. i am already in pain all the time - do i really want to add more on top of that? havent i had enough of the pain?........sometimes when ive relapsed its been a way to cope with the pain actually, to have control over when and how i feel pain and to feel a different kind of pain but.... tbh, after doing that enough times i just got fed up with it. pain is pain, and most days of my life i have plenty of it to deal with anyway..... also figured out that if i cut too much, it sets my nervous system on fire and it makes my chronic pain worse, so that's also a reason to not do it

.... i also try to not keep things i can cut with in the house - meaning that if i Really want to, ill have to drive to the store to buy blades, which i think is a good way to give yourself some time to maybe calm down or snap out of it or change your mind. Theres times when the urge is so strong and i just say fuck it and go buy them, but it takes more time and commitment to do that. This helped me bc theres been many times when i would have very likely cut if i had access to them, but bc i didnt and i didnt wanna do it bad enough to warrant a drive, i ended up not doing it....... this also works bc i dont personally cut with knives (even with the sharpest knives ive never been able to do it consistently and properly enough to feel satisfying, and i think my weak muscles and joints make it harder for me in particular, so i cant rly use them), meaning i have to rely on either pencil sharpener blades, or actual razor blades...... sometimes i think its better to buy pencil sharpeners bc, again, they make it harder (you have to take the time to take the pencil sharpener apart and take the blade out, and these blades go dull a lot quicker than razor blades - so the first one gives you more time to think it through and maybe stop and not do it, while the other one means you wont be able to do as much damage for as long of a time bc it will become harder and harder to cut)......... i also used to, when i was younger, cut with shaving razors (like the ones for legs) but this is something i grew out of because i really dont like the stinging and way it cuts the skin,,, so; yea, i think not keeping a supply of cutting things in the house helps a lot of times

..... sometimes its the dissociation that helps me, but thats not really something everyones brain does. but you can try to think of yourself as, lets say, your friend - if your friend felt like how you feel in that moment and wanted to cut, would you want them to? what would you tell them, how would you comfort them, and what would you suggest they do instead?

idk if any of this was helpful at all, sorry, but yea;; i think a combination of all of those things have helped me to quit many times, and... it really does get easier to not do it and to not think abt it as often the longer you go without doing it. also, sometimes it does help to call a hotline! not always, but ive done it a handful of times (mainly for combination of suicide + sh urges), and there were indeed times when i came across v caring and understanding ppl which helped talk me down - so this may be an option to think abt. id also say if you can, calling a friend can be helpful, its something ive done too

and pls, if youre gonna keep cutting dont put yourself down over it, but be careful 🌸 always clean whatever youre using to do it before and afterwards with either soap or alcohol, always check if theres rust on it and never use something that has rust or metal of a weird colour, and after you wash them, make sure they are dry and store them in a place which is dry. or better - throw them out. always clean your wounds afterwards with warm water, and when youre able to handle it later with soap and water so they dont get infected. and its best to cover up deeper cuts so they can heal better with bandaids or medical gauze. and please please dont cut in areas where there are a lot of important and sensitive veins and tendos (like the inner wrist) - even if youre being careful, you dont want to take the risk of damaging something important like that. and please, if it ever gets rly out of hand and its not closing up, its too deep, or it gets infected, go to a doctor or a medical facility near you

.... and.. try to be gentle with yourself 💗 its really hard but its important. and if youre trying to quit, ask why it is you cut in the first place (bc pain calms you down, control, masochism, a way to get out overwhelming emotions, comfort, a cry for help or attention, self punishment etc etc), and try to find a way to work on whats driving the cutting in the first place, or to find a less harmful way to achieve a similar goal - i think thats something that helped me long term

take care of yourself and be careful 🌺 and if its something u struggle w youself, know that it is possible to stop and that it does get easier

[funnfinnreal]

for people who missed x/jevin/doc's livestream (Joe was there but he wasn't streaming) - they did a hermitcraft season 9 town hall and so I'm gonna try to write down as much info as I can get

warning: long post - i tried to be as concise as possible but this was a 2+ hour stream. also it’s somewhat disjointed but that’s just bc i went in the order they said things

I wasn't there for all of it so if I missed something that's why. also they can talk faster than I can type so I may have missed some stuff there

-they wanted to take a longer break this time, they've never had much time between seasons since the start rly

-they were planning on the 19th originally, but it had to be pushed back

-x's posting of the date on the video wasn't meant to be seen? YouTube stops videos on the final frame, it was only supposed to show up for a split second

-there were reasons for everyone to get a break, not just one hermit, everyone had complications

-they met very close to the "start date" so they didn't have everything figured out NSJFHJS and ppl had more complications coming up

-due to the uncertainty and complications they pushed it back

-doc said "quicker than you think" for the new season!! he said they need maybe one more meeting before the start

-Jevin clarified that this was NOT just because of Scar - several hermits has complications

-X said it's not healthy to speculate on why and it's affecting some of them, just send Scar support and nothing else

-Doc said they're not gonna give a firm date in case more complications arise

-Doc also said they're all just youtubers trying to also lead normal lives!! they're not trying to misinform things just Happen

-they have a date, it's soon but they're not gonna say bc of what Doc said

-it's going to be a full season! not a short season like 8. they plan seasons around updates and the caves and cliffs split messed them up. "we learned a lot from short seasons - don't do them"

-the short season was an experiment for them, and it sounds like most of them didn't like it

-Joe said not to read into people's health based on the launch date - the date does not mean anything about Scar's health and it's stressing him (scar) out

-Joe said it was later than he would've thought? soon regardless

-sounds like time between seasons is going to be the norm from here out - they enjoyed their independent time to recharge

-the date has to be unanimous (or consensus driven as Joe said - there are usually one or two people who have different opinions but they understand they have to work in a group) (as do all of their decisions) remember there are 26 hermits some with fulltime jobs - I can't even coordinate a date for my 4 friends man I can't imagine

-some hermits may not be there at the start due to schedule but they'll all be there at some point. again scheduling for 26 people is almost impossible

-stress and iskall WILL be there this season FULL TIME!! they needed a break but they're both very excited for the new season

-everyone who was on s8 will still be on s9

EVERYTHING AFTER THIS DOES NOT HAVE TO DO WITH THE DATE, JUST OTHER ASPECTS OF S9 AND HERMITCRAFT IN GENERAL. 

-x has 13k viewers (he broke his record!) and he said he's going to try to stream a lot in the first week of s9 (so go follow his twitch)

-they add new members by first voting, then asking the person to join - it takes a lot of time to add new members because they have to vet them thoroughly and they don't add temporary members - once you're in you're a full member, there's no probation, no hazing, the newest members are on the same level as the oldest right away

-no one has ever denied joining as far as they know, but Joe almost said no! he did solo challenge maps and wasn't sure if he wanted to come in or not and said he thought it was a scam at first MSJFJSJ

-part of the vetting process is being fairly sure the person will Want to join - they wouldn’t ask someone like dream bc they know he probs wouldn’t care to join

-THERE WILL BE A SHOPPING DISTRICT THIS SEASON!! last season the idea was separate districts to promote stories and competition, but it didn't really work LMAO. most people just ended up being independent and selling the same stuff as all the other shops - people weren't gonna check every shop on the server just to find one thing

-shopping district was always a natural thing, it wasn't initially planned and enforcing rules about it takes away the "natural-ness"

-they don't consider popularity when adding members, subcount means nothing, they look at your content, how you carry yourself in public, etc

-it's annoying to ask people to join an smp or to ask ppl in the smp to add a specific person - X brought up a recent fwhip tweet

-Joe brought up being bothered about joining Grian's series and how annoying that is - he doesn't know why he's not and he doesn't care - it sounds like all the hermits get this

-Gem and False joined!

-they've picked a seed but they can't say much about it - X did accidentally say that he was gonna be the only one on an island tho lmao. they did a poll to see if ppl cared about the seed and were surprised when most people said no

-there will be a "starter town" in s9 - almost everyone will start in the same area and eventually spread out - this was something they did in s3 and liked it a lot so they're bringing it back. hermits don't Have to do it but it's the general plan

-there are no plans to form groups again, but they could form organically

-the data pack with the texture changes (derpcoin, beef's food, scar's hat, etc) was an experiment that they tried. a lot of viewers love it and a lot don't. some of the textures were way too detailed and didn't look vanilla enough.

-they may add custom textures in s9, but they have to look vanilla and can't be excessive

-overall, they just have to test content real-time! they don't have data about things, they just Do Things and if they fail they fail. s8 especially was meant to be very experimental

-the mods used on the server are mostly for performance and video-making reasons. minecraft is not meant to be played by 26 people at once.

-they WILL still have proximity chat! and it will be on the server until they can't anymore. a lot of communication barriers are solved and the audio quality is better than discord in recordings with it. they all seem to love it

-some like to use litematica and some don't but they're allowed to use client-side mods like that. there's a code of honor there, where they won't use automatic aspects of the mod, just the blueprint function. same with other client-side mods

-the hermatrix and moon were modded (kind of obvious but I wanted to add it in NSJHFS). the moon mod was super complicated - the blocks floating weren't just random and neither was anything else! that's the heaviest modding they've done

-doc is probably gonna make a video showing off the moon mod and make it public

-they're not adding the create mod. i didn't think they were but a lot of ppl on the streams were asking

-there's no senority in hermitcraft. everyone has an equal voice. ik i said that already but jev said it again. joe reiterated this and said the server wouldn't work if they didn't. "bring in people you trust and act like you trust them"

-X wants to abandon "all forms of symmetry and counting" for his builds next season - no numbers. (when he said he was abandoning symmetry false popped in and said "hey!" which was funny)

-stories on the server are somewhat scripted - there's a beginning and an end planned out and maybe some cornerstones but how they get there isn't predetermined. sometimes someone will talk about what type of story is important to them but again it's not defined

-I GOT AN AD but they're talking about storylines more. X dipped out for a minute so i switched to Doc's stream to make sure i didn't miss anything

-generally the person who created the story guides it but they keep reiterating that there's a huge improv element

-ren joined and he tried to use some intro music but his mic kept cutting out MSJHFHD but ya ren is there now. and X came back

-they don't feel that vanilla/survival limits them, if anything it challenges them to be More creative

-they're super ready to challenge themselves, they don't feel the magnitude of their builds have plateaued or anything

-several hermits are potentially planning minigames this season

-they're all always challenging themselves and doc talked about how they're playing with their youtube idols! they want to look good for the people they admire! doc specifically mentioned Scar and Etho as his. being in a group of amazingly talented people and being able to bounce ideas off of them/get criticism is very inspiring

-you're probably not gonna be able to join hc but it's such a great experience they're all saying you should try to make your own thing like it! even if it's not minecraft, just making a group and doing cool things together is amazing!

-ren said that overall they're gonna be "digging into the old school" this season and bringing back a lot of stuff from older seasons. maybe smaller pranks, minigames, the starter village, etc

-they try to encourage collabs as much as possible. in any group there are ppl who get along easier/record together better than others and so collabs just don't work for everyone together. there's always gonna be ppl in a large group who hang out more within a smaller group.

-also timezones are a huge thing. they'll wake up early/stay up late if there's a concrete thing but if they're not usually awake at the same time they're not rly gonna collab

-they're planning to update to 1.19, sounds like they're gonna do the same thing they did with 1.14 but they're not sure (it sounds like there may have been a miscommunication)

-tbh i recommend going back and watching the vod if u have the time, there's a lot i can't get down

-they don't care about trends/popularity, they want to make their own stuff without obeying the algorithm

-there needs to be some mystery about them in order to make their storylines so they don’t want to reveal everything

-also their own audiences affect how they do their content/stories - ren and doc have an older audience compared to grian etc

-they mostly add youtubers but if you have very exceptional content they'd consider anyways. streamers are live so much they might spoil content so they look more specifically for youtubers. also not all of them agree on that

-jevin had to go at this point

-gem writes plans for her stories in advance but she has a lot that she uses for different things

-big things, like the s6 civil war are largely impromptu. they may plan the start of the season but they don't necessarily plan how the full season is gonna go

-apparently Gem and Pearl have a lot of plans together, they're good friends outside of the server and they're planning some pranks and chaos. im excited

-they're being very vague about potential new members but it sounds like there won't be anyone new this season. they just said "maybe" but joe said that usually they add when people take the season off or leave and nobody is doing that this season

-at the very least, ren and doc aren't continuing their s8 hermatrix storyline. x is not continuing either, he doesn't care much for rp. for the most part they don't want to re-do any old storylines, but they didn't say anything about other hermits. so everyone except X, doc, and ren is up in the air

-they're never gonna do modded. doc rly doesn't like it and it's very hard to make good modded content, it's a lot of grind for not a lot of reward. some hermits do like it tho! Gem talked abt her own modded series. joe likes non-technical mods/packs bc tech packs require a ton of wiki reading. doc and X pointed out that there are often a lot of exploits that break the game

-other series have a big time commitment in general. most hermits don't have time for more than one. gem doesn't have a lot of responsibilities outside of content so she can but it's hard for a lot of other hermits

-hermitcraft is a long-game type of content so they're able to take breaks, even though youtube doesn't like that

-doc said he's never gonna get a dad bod despite being a dad. not relevant to hermitcraft but i wanted to include this

-apparently sometimes other hermits will ask others to change builds if they think it doesn't look good enough for the server SNFJJS not too often bc they dont want Drama but it does happen

-there's probably not gonna be a theme for the starter village, ppl don't have a lot of resources at that point anyways

-X is gonna try to be more spontaneous this season

-there wasn't a lot of new info after that point, a lot of ppl hadnt been there at the start so they just reiterated other stuff

this ended up being SO Long so uh... sorry. I hope it was informative tho! and kinda disjointed but i mostly put it in the order they said things

[theorahsart]

I wanted to explain why I disagree with anon in a post because I feel like the discussion raises really interesting points about queer history! (Which have probably been talked about before! But I've been thinking about queer history a lot recently).

I understand and respect their pov, except maybe the thing about it all being from those two movies, cos whenever I see ppl discuss Saintspierre they normally refer to various excerpts from history books/letters as opposed to those two movies.

I think for me, this idea of 'theres no proof it was anything more than friendship' is really interesting and something I struggle to agree with when you frame in context of the queer experience, both in modern day and in history.

Starting off with my own experience- as someone who's in a gay-ace relationship I'm confronted with this whole 'its nothing more than friendship' idea frequently (even more than the average Ace couple, because I made a book about it 😅) I definitely experience a love, devotion and intense affinity for my partner that's just on a whole different level to any other friendship in my life. And yet, because we don't do anything above holding hands, cuddling, kiss on the cheek- our feelings and relationship is frequently denied by ppl, who have a very specific idea in their mind about what both a relationship and gay romance looks like.

From a history pov I sometimes see this similar level of applying very specific ideas of what relationships look like onto people. I'd want to encourage people to let go of their static ideas of what relationships look like- not just so that you can see new perspectives on history, but also so that you can think about how you might apply the 'queer experience' of being impacted by some kind of 'otherness', onto history too.

Ive seen queer historians talk alot about this, and I think this is smth that can be applied to Saint-Just's and Robespierre's relationship.

For me personally esp when looking at Robespierre, putting all labels aside, there is definite potential of there being a 'queer experience'.

I don't feel like I can say anything with certainty because I haven't done much research into the culture of the time regards marriage etc And I don't know enough about how people felt *at the time* about Robespierre's lack of relationships specifically, but the fact he wasn't married well into his 30s, and the fact that post-death people took time to comment on this and use it to make judgements on his character, definitely for me can be labelled as a 'queer experience', and is therefore worth investigating.

Regards Saint-Just, I feel like I haven't done enough research on him specifically so I can't say vm about it. But personally it's hard for me to imagine that he died for Robespierres 'ideas' only. Lots of people shared their values and ideas at the time, and if Saint-Just's biggest motivation was for the ideas Robespierre embodied, he surely would've tried to stay alive so that those ideas could keep being pushed.

I understand the angle anon is coming from, but Saint-Just's final choice seems more complicated than that, considering the days leading up to his choice too (in which he was working towards compromise with those of clashing ideas).

From a personal pov, he seemed genuinely broken and so upset upon seeing Robespierre suffering, like much more so than anyone else involved in the situation, and wanted to take a huge risk for him, which says a lot to me.

On one last note, if we're gonna discuss what is considered friendship and not friendship in the C18th/19th. I read this interesting article last week discussing 'romantic friendships', a term used in regency times that undoubtedly tried to define smth that was more than friendship, without having to imply anything that could put such friendships in jepordy:

My takeaway from this is that just as much as we in recent years in the Ace community like to recognise and explore the differences between normal friendship and something in the grey areas that's stronger than that, people were exploring similar ideas back then, and it's worth exploring Saint-Just's and Robespierre's 'friendship' through this lense too 💜

Controversial frev opinion: I truly don't get, nor understand the appeal of "saintspierre", especially considering that it seems like it mostly comes from those terrible movies like Danton 1983 and LRF, where their relationship is presented as abusive and manipulative. So imho shipping them, using gifs and pics from those movies as material only endorses a twisted view of what was at most a genuine friendship, to which there's no proof it was anything more than that. (I don't think Saint-Just "died for Robespierre", at most he did it for the ideas that Robespierre embodied, ideas that Saint-Just knew that they would have never been put into practice if the Incorruptible had gone)

now THIS is a hot take

[santakinard]

Okay but I am not over how Buck was so clearly framed as the "person who had to watch their love almost die right in front him but now has to take the full responsibility of taking care of their son and continue to work all while being a complete and emotional wreck".

Like when Buck had "the hardest job" - Chimney perfectly put it- and went to tell Christopher about Eddie and was trying to reign in his emotional turmoil, once he saw that Eddie had made it through surgery he just could not keep it in anymore. He completely broke down and CHRISTOPHER was the one to comfort BUCK before they both comfort each other. Which I always go absolutely feral about bc even though Buck wears his emotions on his sleeves we all know how he tends to put others first. We saw how he was trying to reign in his own grief so he could be there for Christopher. Because being there for Christopher was the most important thing in Buck's eyes, his own emotions be damned. An yet once that he saw that Eddie survived surgery and was going to be okay, he could not control it anymore.

And then we see him staying at the Diaz house and taking care of Christopher. However, Chris is the one who has to wake up Buck to school. That lil moment reminds me so much of a scene in Practical Magic where Sandra Bullock's character, Sally, is grieving the death of her husband and her daughter tries to wake her up to take her to school while Sally is numb just completely overtaken by her grief. We see Buck be the same way. And even though he does get up and takes care of Christopher and goes to work, we see how not okay he is. so much so that he wants get shot by the sniper as well

Which leads me the integral scene with Buck and Bobby. We all talk about the BLATANT parallels between Buddie and Bathena that this episode beautifully showed, but I gotta talk about it again. Right when Eddie had gotten shot, Bathena had the biggest fight of their marriage. But once they got their feelings out from the fight and was effected by the shooting, they had a honest conversation about what was bothering them. Which hugely consisted of Bobby talking about what it was like to witness what happened to Athena and how it effected him. Which brings me back to the scene with Bobby and Buck. When Bobby tells him that what happened to Eddie wasn't his fault, we get a DIRECT parallel with Buck saying "No but I was just the guy standing there who couldn't do anything about it" to which we get Bobby just staring at him in what seems to be a knowing look mixed shock and recognition. Because that was what he was literally what he was talking about with Athena. In the end of s3 with what happened to Athena and then in this season as well (especially this season) we see Bobby talk about and deal with witnessing HIS WIFE having a traumatic near death experience. Which was blatantly paralleled with Buck's trauma and grief with Eddie. (Two ppl having to witness the person they love most/their spouse almost die.)

But the parallels don't end there folks. No sir.

Not only do we get a hospital scene with both Bathena and Buddie but there are so many parallels in the Bathena hospital scene with Buddie. First we have the obvious of Athena sitting at Bobby side like Buck sat by Eddie's side as they both have emotional conversations. But whereas Buck mentions how he thought it'd been better he had been the one who had gotten shot instead of Eddie, Athena talks about saving Bobby.

Which I would like to point out the parallel of Buck helping Athena save Bobby and his knowing look when she said that it had to be her to save her husband. He understood that need and helped her be the one to save Bobby and not the actual firefighters (of course there's other reasons for Athena being the one like the guy having a gun but still).

But back to the hospital scenes parallels. In Bathena's hospital scene and the second one for Buddie (aka the Will™ scene), both relationships have a certain... shift if you will. Bathena's issues are fully solved and their relationship has grown even more for the better. And with Buddie the shift is also a growth in their relationship, just in a different way.

Because seeing how Eddie getting shot effected Buck and made him think so lowly of himself that he thought it'd be better if he was the one who got shot but also saw how Buck to continued to take care of Christopher despite of it, Eddie decides to finally tell Buck about the will. It's not only a shift of finally acknowledging the will after keeping it a secret for so long but a shift in how they're relationship is going to be for now. Sure, they already planned to always be in each other's lives but this seals it.

And what helps both relationships shift as all is what Athena and Eddie tell Bobby and Buck, respectively Athena tells Bobby that she couldn't let a little fire keep her from saving her partner. That right there is Athena reaffirming that Bobby is her partner, that she acknowledges the issues they had talked about previously about not acting like equal partners and reaffirms that they are fact partners. But then she also shows how much she loves Bobby. He's her partner in every way and she would (and did) walk through literal fire for him (which in LS we saw Judd use an example to show how much he would show Grace how much he loved her). Athena not only reminds Bobby how much she loves him, how she feels, but also tells him what he needed to hear that moment with what they were going through (especially with his lingering issues with what happened to Athena s3).

Now, with The Hospital Scene™ with Buddie, we get Eddie telling Buck about the will (which, given the fact that he kept it hidden for a year ass year indicates that it was a pretty big deal for Eddie to finally tell him) and Eddie does it because of what he also tells him. That Buck, Evan, in fact not expendable. That he knows Buck's perception of himself is that he's expendable, that Buck thought it'd be better if he was the one who got shot.

So how does that parallel the scene with Bathena? Well, Eddie shows Buck just how much he trusts him with Christopher (aka his heart and soul). They are partners already, but this just takes their partnership even further bc yeah, Eddie had already told Buck that 'there's no one else in this world I trust more with my son than you', but this both reaffirms that and takes it a step further. Because he made it legal that he'd rather Buck take care of his son more than his family. This reaffirms his trust in Buck, their partnership. Just like Athena reaffirmed hers and Bobby's partnership. Just like how she showed Bobby just how much she loved him by walking through literal fire for him, Eddie shows how much he loves and cares for Buck by entrusting Buck with the most precious thing in the world to him aka his son. And just like how Athena telling Bobby that is what he needed to hear, Eddie telling Buck about the will and showcasing the biggest insecurity that Buck was going through at the moment, that he's thinks that he's expendable but he's wrong.

Both Eddie and Athena saw how what happened to them effected their partners and they both have these things to help their partners with it (and themselves).

In conclusion, all of this shows the framing of Buck being the "grieving partner who had to deal with watching the love of their almost die". Because almost all of those Bathena parallels dealt with what Bobby had to deal with witnessing Athena almost die and how the aftereffects which directly paralleled with Buck was currently going through in that episode. And the of end episode (as well as Buck's season arc) getting a reaffirmation from his partner and consolation of how what happened to them effected him. Just how Athena did with Bobby.

Say it with me folks: Choices were made.

Thank you for coming to my Tedtalk.