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withahappyrefrain · 3 days ago

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LEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH

Spoilers and my thoughts below the tag!

The way you have the whole dagger squad and their statuses are so fitting! Penny being the healer, Mickey being a beta, it all makes so much sense!

Bob being so calm and organizing his pack?!?! Should not be so damn hot

Protective alpha Bob! I am screaming into my pillow!

Oh my God, she's been through so much what the fuck?!?! I need Finn to die a very painful death

Aww little pup, stop blaming yourself! The way you write her trauma is very real and I just feel for her so much!

It's going to be her first heat?!?!?! Wow, that is such a concept! I love the lore you built with werewolves, their transformation, how they can partially shift!

“This…this is…” you tried to form syllables, but your mouth felt loose around the vowels and consonants. “Is th-this what it was always meant to be like?” Your first heat, first experience with your true mate.

Don't mind me, I'm just crying into my pillow. Seriously though, their relationship is so sweet! I love how tender Bob is for her, how he encourages her, reassures her!

“And you’ll take it all, won’t you? I know you will. You’ll let me knot you like the good little mate that you are.”

Remember how I said I was crying into my pillow? I'm now biting it

FINN WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING HERE

MICKEY NOOOOOOOOO 😭😭😭😭😭 what the hell Leah?!

GET HIM LIL PUP!

Leah, I was about to venmo you my therapy bill for killing Mickey but my boy lived!!!!!

Seriously, this was so good! The second chance romance?? Bob being an alpha! I will reread this story many times wow!!! 😭😭😭❤️❤️

bite the hand | bob floyd

description: in which a benevolent alpha and a wounded omega are brought together in a painful twist of fate

*listen to the playlist here

pairing: werewolf!bob x werewolf!reader

w/c: 20,310 (i am so sorry)

warnings: 18+ only, angst with a positive ending, blood and injury, mentions of death, depictions of grief, attempted murder, blood and gore, violence, smut, werewolf mating ritual, unprotected p in v sex, creampie, knotting, i'm probably forgetting some things

notes: this story has been over a year in the making. it is fully inspired by different conversations and an ask sent by @withahappyrefrain! this story is dedicated to you abby, the werewolf bob fic wouldn't be what it is without you!

wanna be added to my taglist? go here

You had never felt such terror in your life.

Rushing through your veins like ice water, fraying your nerves. Your fear was what pushed you to run, bare feet pounding against the forest floor, plants and branches lashing at your exposed skin, like slithering snakes trying to wrap around your limbs.

Your lungs burned with the labor of your breaths, slicing through you as if you’d inhaled shards of glass. But you ignored the pain, wild eyes searching your surroundings, desperate to find a place of solace.

You were almost there. Sanctuary was close, but you were so fatigued from running that you feared you might collapse before you found it. And to be out here alone and injured meant certain death. Even so, you pressed on, animal instincts taking over, allowing you to zip through the woods in the dark, based on memory alone.

You leapt over obstacles, throwing yourself forward, suddenly struck with an overwhelming sense of relief when you saw lights in the distance. Hope.

But as you lurched onward, you failed to see the slope of the earth until it was too late. The ground gave way beneath your feet, and you were free-falling, crying out in shock as your body tumbled down a steep hill. Down, down, down, until you came crashing to a jarring halt at the bottom. Battered. Covered in dirt. But alive.

And then you heard frantic voices. Shouting. The shuffling of feet. But you were not frightened. These voices did not belong to the enemy. They belonged to your saviors. When a light shone upon you, you held your hands out, palms facing outward, assuring them you meant no harm.

A woman’s voice cut through the air. “Oh my god,” she breathed. Then, desperately; “Get Bob! Hurry!”

She knelt in front of you, her face coming into your line of sight, illuminated by the harsh beam of a flashlight. Deep brown eyes swept over your trembling form. Recognition slackened her expression. “Hey, it’s gonna be okay,” she assured you, voice trembling. She looked frightened. Shocked.

Another voice rang through the night. One you knew so well. The moment you heard it, tears sprang to your eyes. He was here. Bobby had come to your aid. Everything was going to be okay.

He could smell you before he saw you. A familiar scent that hit him like a ton of bricks, stealing his breath away. His gait faltered momentarily, legs going slightly numb as he processed it. The scent was clouded by the sour smell of distress. It made his nose twitch and his mouth curl into a slight grimace. As he walked toward the pack, they parted to reveal you in the midst of them, and he stopped dead in his tracks.

He swayed slightly, as he took in the sight of you. You looked like you had been through hell. Old, unhealed slashes marred your skin. Your clothes were torn and dirty. Your eyes were filled with such sadness and fear that it made him physically ache.

“Natasha, what happened?” Bob heard himself ask, but his voice sounded disembodied, as if it was coming from somewhere else. His legs carried him toward you, as you tried to pull yourself upright. But you were too weak to do so. He was struck with a feeling so overwhelming, he knees almost buckled.

“She…she just came crashing down the hill,” Natasha informed him, her own voice trembling. She’d been on lookout duty when you arrived. So had Jake and Bradley.

Bob nodded, brow furrowing as he looked upon you. You turned your head, and your eyes locked with his. He gasped softly as you suddenly whimpered, irises flashing bright yellow, mouth parting as your fangs elongated.

You were struck with something so powerful in his presence. His scent, his demeanor. He was the alpha of this pack. A fact you had already been aware of. But it still hit you like a monstrous wave, and before you realized what was happening, you were bowed low upon the ground, right at his feet.

A display of submission.

But Bob found himself lowering to his knees, falling before you, his large hands coming up to so gently cradle your face. “Who did this to you?” He whispered, breathing ragged. Labored. He had a feeling who the culprit was. Who had put their hands on you with intent to harm you. There was a fresh, partially healed scar on the side of your neck. Surely put there by the claws of an angry wolf.

But you couldn’t speak. You simply whimpered, grabbing at his arms, silently begging him to grant you refuge within the confines of his pack. He would never turn you away.

Knowing he wasn’t going to get any answers out of you in this state, he looked up at Natasha. “Go get Penny,” he told her. She nodded somberly before she turned on her heel, moving quickly into the compound, seeking out Penny Benjamin, the pack healer.

Then Bob looked to the rest of the pack members gathered around him. Jake, Bradley, Mickey, Javy, Reuben, Pete. Awaiting the instructions of their alpha.

“Mickey, go ahead of me, make sure the house is ready. I’ll put her in my room.” With a nod, the dark haired beta turned, headed into the compound to do exactly as Bob had said.

Bob looked at the five other wolves. “Pete, stay here and watch the perimeter. The rest of you, sweep the woods. Make sure she wasn’t followed. Once I know more details, I’ll call a pack meeting and fill everyone in.”

“What if we find someone out there?” Bradley asked, face hard set.

“Bring ‘em back to the compound so we can get to the bottom of this.”

“And if they put up a fight?” Jake spoke up.

Bob squared his shoulders. “Do what you must to protect the pack.” His word was final. It left no room for debate. Threats to his family were dealt with very swiftly.

With that, the group headed off into the woods, and the young alpha let out a shuddering breath, turning toward you, still crumpled on the ground. His heart ached within his chest, heavy with sorrow as he gazed at you.

“What happened to you, little pup?” He asked, more to himself than you, as you were in no state to answer, barely conscious. He scooped you up in his arms, supernatural strength allowing him to carry you with ease. Immediately, you curled into him, face buried against the side of his neck, just over his scent gland, breathing in deep.

All the fight had left your body. But you didn’t need to struggle anymore.

“I’ve got you,” Bobby whispered, lips ghosting over your forehead. “I’m here, you’re safe now.”

With you cradled against his chest, he rushed into the compound, which was a small, gated neighborhood made up of well-built, modern cabins. Shielded from the outside world. Bob’s house was directly in the middle of the compound, and he reached it in minutes, where he found Natasha and Penny already waiting on his doorstep.

“How bad is it?” Penny asked.

“Can’t tell, but she needs help. Now,” he breathlessly replied as he carried you up the porch steps. Nat opened the door for him to hurry through, and he carried you up the open staircase and down the hall, where Mickey had already turned on the bedroom light and made sure the bed covers were turned down.

Bob ducked into the room and very carefully lowered you into his bed. Even in your delirious state, you could smell him on the sheets, and you curled up against the mattress, burying your face against the pillows and inhaling deeply.

He looked at Mickey. “I sent everyone else out to patrol the woods and see if she was followed. I want you at the gate with Pete. If they bring anyone back with them, come get me.”

“On it,” Mickey responded, already turning to head out the door, sidestepping Nat and Penny on his way out.

The two came into the room, Nat closing the door behind her. She looked at Bob. “Do you want me out there on the perimeter with them?”

But he shook his head. “Better if you stay here, I think she’d probably feel more comfortable with you in the room.”

Once upon a time, you and Natasha had been very close. Bob assumed her presence would calm you.

It had been two years since any of them had seen you last. Your packs had been friendly with each other, a long time ago. In fact, your families had planned to strike an alliance with Bob’s, joining together as one. But when a new alpha came into power, that hope was quickly dashed.

Your alpha took you away, and Bob thought he would never see you again. Yet here you were, having just stumbled back into his life, bloody and bruised and terrified out of your mind. Bob was not one to act rashly, but he knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that your alpha was responsible for your state. And he determined right then and there that he would not let him get away with laying hands on you. Bob would make sure he could never harm anyone ever again.

He could not imagine harming any of his betas. Each and every wolf under him was family. Not by blood, but by a supernatural bond. They had all pledged their undying loyalty to Bob. And he took that loyalty very seriously. He would never abuse his power. To be their alpha was his greatest privilege.

They would be looking to him now, in this situation. Wanting to know how he was going to handle things. That was to be determined. First, he needed to speak to you, and get some answers. If you were even up for giving him any. He would not push you to talk if you weren’t ready.

Bob took a seat on the edge of the bed, reaching out slowly, placing his hand upon your shoulder. “Can you hear me, pup?” He couldn’t help but use the nickname. It was what he’d always called you, and although time had passed since you’d seen each other, the name rolled off his tongue with ease, as if you hadn’t been apart at all.

You stirred slightly, letting out a soft whimper. He took that as confirmation that you could hear him. “I asked Penny to take a look at you, and make sure you’re okay. If you want to stop at any time, just say the word, and it’s over, alright?”

You managed to open your eyes, though heavy as they were, vision slightly blurred. But you could see Bob’s kind face, and it put you at ease.

“A-alright,” you croaked. You would do whatever he asked, because you trusted him.

“Natasha’s here too,” he continued, “thought you might want that.”

Your gaze flitted to where she stood at the foot of the bed, and you attempted a smile. If you’d been more lucid, you would have seen the unshed tears shining in her eyes. It broke her heart to see you this way.

Then Penny was moving to sit in the space that Bob no longer occupied, speaking gently to you. “Hi there,” she began, “it’s good to see you again. I wish it was under better circumstances. I want you to know that I’ll do whatever I can to help you, okay?”

She held a medical bag in her hand, which she set on the nightstand beside the bed. Here, in better light, your injuries were easier to see. An array of slowly healing cuts and scratches marred your skin. Werewolves had the ability to heal from injuries, but the process often slowed when severe trauma was inflicted.

Bob and Natasha hovered while Penny examined you. Her touch was gentle, and she verbalized what she was doing before she did it, that way you were aware of her every move. She put a healing salve on the cuts that littered your arms, and then it came time to address the claw marks on your neck.

Up until that point, you had been completely fine, resting comfortably on the bed while Penny did her job. But when she gingerly touched the wound on your neck, you were struck with a visceral reaction.

A vivid, painful memory flashed through your head. And you were frightened. No, that wasn’t a strong enough descriptor. You were terrified. The seething voice of an angry alpha filled your ears, his frame hulking over you. The injured beta, unable to defend yourself.

His claws were at your neck, piercing your flesh. And his voice, venomous and cruel, spoke your name as he said, “I denounce you as my mate.”

And though Penny meant you no harm, her fingers touching your neck took you back to that horrific moment, and you screamed. Limbs thrashing. Jerking away from her. Trying to escape.

No more, no more, no more.

Bobby was there in an instant, throwing himself onto the bed, strong arms wrapping around your upper body, his heart pounding in his chest as he fought to keep you from hurting yourself or anyone else. You had begun to shift, claws sharp, tearing at the sheets. Canines elongating. Eyes flashing bright yellow.

“I’ve got you! You’re safe! No one can hurt you!” He called out, securing you against his body, even as you fought against his hold, growling. He had no choice but to wrestle you onto your back, pinning your arms down. His eyes flashed ruby red, and he spoke in a deep, rumbling growl.

“Enough.”

A tone only alphas possessed.

Instantly, you went limp beneath him, and your eyes cleared, as if you had only just realized what you were doing. Your face crumpled, eyes filling with tears. “I-I’m sorry! I’m sorry, please don’t be angry!”

Bob realized that you could smell his rage, so he took a deep breath, steadying himself. He wasn’t angry at you. He was angry at the wolf who had done this to you. “I’m not angry.” Voice calm, soothing. “Not at you.”

As he released you, you surged into his arms, hiding your face against his chest. Seeking him out for comfort, which showed him that you were not afraid of him. He glanced at Penny, who had moved from the bed to give you space. Holding up his hand, he silently told her to wait. He had an idea.

“Look at me.” He guided your face away from his chest, so that he could make eye contact. “The claw marks on your neck…they need to be cleaned and bandaged, so they can heal. Would you rather I put the bandage on you?”

You sniffled softly, nodding your head. Although you knew Penny would not hurt you, Bobby was the only one you felt genuinely safe with. Upon your confirmation, he motioned to Penny. “Hand me everything I need, I’ll take care of her,” he said.

Searching through her bag, she retrieved disinfectant, bandages, and healing salve. “Make sure the area is completely dry before you put the salve on,” she spoke up, and Bob hummed in acknowledgment of her instructions.

“Alright, c’mere,” he told you. Everything else faded into the background as he turned his focus to you. He hardly even registered Natasha and Penny quietly taking their leave from the room, deciding it best that you have this vulnerable moment alone with Bobby.

He guided you to lay on your side, exposing your neck to him. Now that he was able to take a closer look, he could see the extent of the damage. These weren’t just cuts. They were slashes. Deep ones. He found his hands trembling as he so tenderly tilted your head to give him full access to the injury.

He had so many questions. He wanted to know how and why you’d sustained these slashes. But first, he tended to you. Keeping his movements slow and predictable, so as not to spook you. “Deep breaths for me,” he whispered as he moved to disinfect the wound. His heart lurched at your pained whine.

You shook with the effort it took to keep still. To not go back to that terrible flashback you’d been plagued with when Penny had initially attempted to care for you. Your eyes squeezed shut. Your hands gripped the tattered sheets.

“I know it hurts. I’m almost done. Just hold on a little longer for me, pup.” He could barely stomach the pitiful sounds you made. Wanting your suffering to be as minimal as possible, he worked as quickly as he could, and soon, your neck was all bandaged, and it was over.

“Alright, it’s done.” As soon as he spoke those words, you found yourself seeking him out, grabbing at his shirt. He was the only solace you had, after all you had suffered. It was no wonder you found yourself curling into him.

Bob let you have your moment of comfort, his hand coming up to cradle the back of your head. He did not ask you the questions he wanted to ask. You were in no state to be interrogated. You were too weak. Too frail. You needed to rest.

So he simply held you, and if only for a moment, you could both pretend that no time had passed between you. You were back in a place where there was harmony between your families, and the hope that the two of you would enter into a mate bond, officially uniting your packs. Before it was all stolen away. Before you were stolen away.

But now that you were back in his life, he wasn’t going to let you go again. “You don’t ever have to go back there again,” he whispered against your forehead. A promise.

If you heard him, you made no indication of it. You were so exhausted that you found yourself drifting right to sleep in Bobby’s arms. It was the first time you’d found rest in days. He would let you sleep.

As much as he wanted to remain there with you, he had other business to attend to with the rest of the pack. The group he’d sent out to search the woods would soon return. He needed to know if they’d found anything.

So, reluctantly, he lowered you down into his bed, and pulled the covers over you, tucking you in with the tenderest brush of his lips against your temple before he slipped away, hoping you would remain blissfully asleep and not awaken in a panic when you realized he was gone.

Silently, he crept out of the room, turning the light off as he went before he stepped into the hall and shut the door softly behind him. Then he made his way downstairs, where he found Penny and Nat in the kitchen, the latter putting on a pot of coffee to brew.

He felt the intensity of Penny’s green-eyed gaze upon him, and he looked at her. She stood at the kitchen table, her hands clutching the back of one of the chairs.

“Were you able to bandage her neck?” She asked.

Bob nodded. “Yeah,” he answered. “Poor thing’s exhausted. She’s asleep now, hopefully she stays that way for a while.”

The woman hesitated, wanting to say more. Her expression was grim, her normally soft features hardening. “I don’t have to tell you what those claw marks mean,” she stated, holding Bob’s gaze.

He shook his head, swallowing thickly as he leaned against the door frame. “No.” He was well aware. In werewolf culture, when mating with one another, there was a process known as scent marking.

The scent glands were located along the side of the neck. When two wolves marked each other, they were mated for life. Unless, of course, one denounced the other as their mate. A severing of the mate bond would then take place. Claws pressed into the side of the neck. The tearing of tender flesh, effectively cutting any and all ties with the mate.

Bob knew that was what had happened to you. That your alpha had forcefully broken your bond. It was the only explanation for those angry slashes.

Heat crawled up his neck. Wrath, boiling just beneath the surface, warming his blood, sending his heart rate spiking. He took a few deep breaths to steady himself. He’d always prided himself on being in control. He wouldn’t lose it now.

“Did she say anything about what happened?” Natasha spoke up as she pulled three mugs from the cabinet over the coffee maker.

He shook his head. “No. I didn’t ask, either. She’s not ready to answer questions. But when she is, I want to know everything. I want to know why Finn did this to her. And then I’m going to hunt him down and make him pay for it.”

Finn. Your previous alpha. The one who had divided your pack from Bob’s. After the death of your father, who had once been the alpha, Finn assumed the position of leadership. It was clear from the beginning that he was power hungry. However, it seemed that Bob was the only one that recognized that.

Now, with you curled up in his bed with slashes marring your skin, caused by the cruel hand of Finn, Bob wished he would have fought harder for you. He wished he had challenged Finn. But you had gone willingly. You thought that becoming Finn’s mate was what was best for your family. And Bob could not force you to stay. He’d never force you to do anything. So he let you go, even though it broke him.

Nat spoke again. “If we go after him…if you challenge him…it could mean war.”

“I know.” Although he wanted to make Finn pay for what he’d done, he didn’t want to pit his pack against yours. He knew each one of those wolves. He’d once called many of them friends, and he wasn’t sure he could stand for their blood to be spilled.

The only one whose blood should be shed was Finn’s.

Just then, rushed footsteps could be heard outside, and moments later, Pete was stepping through the door. “They’re back,” he announced, “they didn’t find anything in the woods.”

Bob nodded, face solemn. “Alright. I’m calling a pack meeting. Have everyone meet back here.”

“Sure thing.” Just as quickly as he’d come, Pete left, ambling back into the night to round everyone up.

“Do you want me to go get Amelia?” Penny inquired, referring to her young daughter, who’d been asleep when she left the house.

“She should be here, that way she knows what’s going on,” Bob responded in confirmation.

With that, Penny headed for the door. “I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

That left Bob and Natasha alone in the kitchen. Her expression was pensive. Arms folded over her chest. Bottom lip caged between her teeth.

Bob had known her for a long time. He knew her tells. She had something on her mind. “What’re you thinking, Nat?”

“She’s in danger, Bob. God knows how long she was out there in the woods. Alone. Since her mate bond was broken, she was wandering around as an omega. Which means wolves for miles probably caught her scent and will come looking.”

He knew what she was hinting at. “You think I should mate her.”

Dark eyes flickered up to meet his pale blue ones. “Not now, obviously. She’s in no state to handle it. But something will need to be done soon. It’s the only way to keep her safe.”

He let out a sigh, pulling out one of the chairs around the table and taking a seat. “You’re right. But I have to take it slow. I don’t want to do anything she isn’t ready for.”

Becoming mates was a big step. And while it would ensure your safety, he didn’t want to just stake his claim over you. Not when you were vulnerable and frightened. Not after you’d suffered the unthinkable.

And then there was the matter of his status having an effect on you. Now that you had become an omega, your body’s natural response would be to desire an alpha. Bob knew the power he possessed. The power to alter your very chemistry makeup.

His gaze flickered to the kitchen counter, where a pill minder sat, filled with a daily dose of a very important hormone medication. Rut suppressants.

If he stopped taking them, and let his rut happen naturally, it would send you into heat. And within the sacred bounds of matehood, that was a good and healthy occurrence. Something to be celebrated.

However, now more than ever, it was very important that Bob made sure to take his suppressants daily. He wouldn’t risk sending you into heat before your body was ready. And although mating you would bond you to him, thus keeping you safe from other wolves, he couldn’t stomach the thought of pressuring you into such a thing. As he suspected Finn had done to you.

And yet, the longer you remained an omega, the more danger you would be in. That left Bob with a difficult decision to make. But first, he needed to discuss things with his wolves.

One by one, they entered his home, each clearly on edge from the night’s events. Bob had them take seats in his living room. Jake, Bradley, and Javy took the couch. Reuben took the easy chair in the corner. Mickey and Natasha took the small love seat. Penny soon came in with a disheveled Amelia, who’d been pulled from her sleep to attend the meeting, followed by Pete, who trailed after them and shut the door.

Bob stood in the center of the room and waited for everyone to get settled. Some had helped themselves to mugs of coffee from the pot Natasha had made. Everyone was somber.

“No trace of her being followed?” Bob addressed Jake.

The blonde shook his head. “We covered a few miles outside the compound. No sign of anyone. If they were there, they covered their trail well.”

“Any idea who could’ve hurt her?” Reuben spoke up, leaning forward in his seat, elbows resting atop his thighs.

“Yeah,” came Bob’s answer, “Finn. He broke their mate bond. S’where the slashes on her neck came from. But I don’t know the circumstances behind why it happened. Once she’s on the mend, I’ll see if I can get some answers.”

“So now what? If he decides he changed his mind and wants her back, then–” Bradley piped up, but Bob held up his hand to stop him.

“I won’t let that happen. She’s here to stay. “

But Bradley wanted to challenge that. He held the stare of his alpha as he responded. “All due respect, but she’s a huge liability. I want to help her too, believe me, but we shouldn’t forget how she just turned her back on us, on you, to join forces with that asshole Finn.” He was, in fact, one to hold grudges.

But Bob held his ground, never breaking eye contact with his beta. “It’s not that simple. I believe she was coerced into mating him. But I won’t know more until I talk to her.”

“So you wanna risk the safety of the pack for her?” Bradley continued.

“As opposed to what? Sending her back out there to die alone in the forest? I won’t do that, Bradley. We take care of our own.”

“She isn’t one of our own, though.”

“I will not turn my back on her. None of us will. Clearly, she came to us for help. If I toss her out to fend for herself, I’m no better than Finn. She’s staying. And we will protect her. That’s final.” Bob waited for Bradley to continue challenging him. He knew the other wolf’s concern came from a good place. Bradley would do anything to protect the pack. But Bob would be remiss in his duties if he turned you away in your time of need.

“Then we need to make sure we’re on high alert,” Pete interjected, from where he stood beside Penny. “Increase perimeter sweeps. Be prepared in case anyone tries to get the drop on us.”

“You’re right,” Bob agreed. “Bradley, Jake, and Nat, you three were already on lookout tonight. I want you to get some rest. Pete, Javy, Reuben, and Mickey, you can take the next shift.” Then, “as soon as I have more answers, I’ll call another pack meeting. Until then, back to business as usual.”

And thus, the meeting was adjourned, and everyone was left to go their separate ways. As Bob retreated into the kitchen to pour himself a mug of coffee, he became aware of Mickey’s presence behind him.

He turned to look at his friend. He’d known Mickey as long as he’d known Natasha.

Earnestly, Mickey spoke. “I get why Bradley’s on edge, but I want you to know, I think you’re right. We can’t just turn her away. She’s safest with us. With you.”

Bob smiled softly, nodding his head toward Mickey. “She is,” he agreed. But his face grew serious as he approached. “Mick…you and Nat know me better than anyone. You know I don’t like senseless violence. But I’m telling you right now, Finn will not get away with this. One day, I will find him. And I will kill him for what he did to her.”

Mickey nodded. “I know. And I want to be there when you do it. He needs to pay for what he’s done.” That payment would be made in blood.

Bob squeezed Mickey’s shoulder. “You will be. For now, we’ll lie low. I don’t want to potentially bring danger here.”

“‘Course not.”

With a nod, the young alpha turned back to his pending cup of coffee. “I’ll let you head on out for your watch shift. See ya later, Mick.”

When he left, Natasha emerged from the living room, carrying her now empty mug to the sink. “Mind if I crash here?” She asked. “I, uh, want to be here when she wakes up.”

Bob shook his head. “Not at all. Take the guest room. I’ll let you know if anything changes.”

With that, she excused herself to head up to the guest room, leaving Bob alone in the kitchen. Mug in hand, he finally decided to move back upstairs to check on you. He determined that he would stay in the room with you, that way he could immediately come to your aid if needed.

When he stepped into the dark bedroom, he was relieved to find that you were still sound asleep. Gone was the bitter scent of fear, replaced by a sweeter, more mellow scent. For now, you were at peace.

Carefully, he set his coffee on the nightstand before he gathered some blankets from the chest at the end of the bed, spreading them out on the floor and grabbing a pillow from off the bed. Then, mug in hand, he settled cross-legged on the blankets, his back against the edge of the bed.

There he would remain until you woke up.

As he listened to you sleep, your breaths deep and slow, his mind wandered. Transported back to a time when you’d still been in his life. The sting of betrayal had settled painfully in his chest as he looked at you, having just been told the news that you were leaving.

“Finn thinks it’s in the pack’s best interest if we become mates,” you said.

He stared at you, eyes watering. “And what do you think?”

“I want what’s best for my family.”

“I’m not asking about your family.” He stepped toward you. “Is becoming Finn’s mate what he wants, or what you want?”

You had no answer for him. All you could say was, “Bobby, my father is gone. Finn took his place as alpha, and it’s my duty to become his mate, for the good of the pack.”

Bob wasn’t letting you go that easily. “You have a choice. You don’t have to go with him.”

But you shook your head, fighting to hold in your tears. “Please, don’t make this harder than it already is. I don’t want to leave you. But I have to. I’m sorry.”

You left him reeling. Before your father passed, you had talked openly of becoming mates with Bobby. Your dad was getting up in years, and wanted to surrender his alpha status. As the daughter of an alpha, choosing to become mates with Bob would create an alliance between your packs.

But when your father grew ill, a shift in leadership took place. Finn, who had been part of your pack since he was a pup, emerged with the shiny new title of alpha. He claimed your dad had bestowed the title upon him.

Bob was suspicious of that. Something wasn’t right. But he was never able to prove that Finn had stolen the title. And even if he wanted to, the opportunity left when, one morning, he walked up to your compound to find it deserted. Your pack had relocated in the middle of the night.

Bob thought he would never see you again.

But here you were again, and he had a feeling that his suspicion of Finn stealing your father’s status was true. It was only a matter of time before it was confirmed.

For now, you rested. And Bob kept watch over you.

Coffee finished, he curled up on the arrangement of blankets, and pillowed his head. There he stayed until the sun’s first rays began to peek through the window a few hours later. He had dozed off but for a moment, allowing himself a cat nap before the day began.

But no sooner had his eyes fallen shut did he hear the sound of your pitiful whimpers. On high alert, he sat up, chest seizing when he saw you began to twist against the bed, clearly in the throes of a terrible nightmare.

Rushing to his feet, he climbed onto the mattress, just as you released a broken sob, crying out “No! No! Please, no!”

He gathered your trembling form into his arms, and spoke your name, even as you fought against him. “Hey, I’m here! You’re safe!””

When your eyes flew open, you realized where you were. Shielded within the four walls of Bobby’s bedroom. With his arms wrapped securely around you. Protected. In a place where harm would not come upon you.

You buried your face in the crook of his neck and began to cry. He soothed you, rocking back and forth, humming an old melody his mother used to sing to him. And after a while, you were calm again.

Cautiously, you lifted your head, and found him gazing down at you. He offered a sweet smile. “Hey there, little pup.”

“I-I’m sorry,” you whispered, fingers curling into the fabric of his white t-shirt. Unwilling to let go.

But he shook his head. “Don’t apologize. You had a nightmare. That’s expected after what you’ve been through.”

Tears welled in your eyes again. There was so much you had to tell him. But you couldn’t bring yourself to speak the words out loud. “Bobby, I…”

“You don’t have to tell me anything right now. You need to focus on resting up so you can heal,” he told you. In the light of the rising sun, you could see every shade of blue hidden in his eyes. Oh, how you’d missed those eyes. So warm and full of kindness.

“Tell ya what,” he continued, “I’ll go make some breakfast. How’s that sound?”

As if on cue, your stomach rumbled. That earned a soft smile from you, and you nodded. “I’d like that. But I don’t want to stay cooped up in here. I’ll come sit in the kitchen to eat.”

“You sure?”

When you nodded, he moved to slide off the bed, reaching out to steady you as you followed. You swayed a little, realizing just how depleted of strength you were, despite your night of rest. Your time in the woods had done a number on you.

Leaning on Bob for support, you allowed him to guide you into the hallway. As you headed toward the stairs, the sound of a door opening caught your attention. You looked up to find Natasha approaching.

She looked as if she hadn’t slept a wink, dark hair mussed, eyes tired. But she smiled when she saw you. “Hey,” she said, “how you feelin’?”

You opened your mouth, but found yourself overcome with emotion. Instead, you stepped toward her and held your arms out. She stepped into your embrace, returning it with her own, careful not to hurt you by squeezing too tightly.

“It’s good to see you again,” she whispered in your ear, “just wish it was under better circumstances.”

As you parted, you gave her a nod, unable to voice a reply. She squeezed your hand, free palm coming up to cup your cheek, and your heart warmed within you. After the way you had left, you didn’t blame her if she wanted nothing to do with you. Yet she welcomed you back with open arms. A true friend, she was.

Reluctantly, you parted from Natasha, and the three of you went down to the kitchen. There, you settled in at the table, and Bob brought you a blanket from the living room, wrapping it around your shoulders before he set about making breakfast.

Natasha sat across from you, running a hand anxiously through her loose waves. It was clear she had questions, but refrained from asking them. It was hard to know what to talk about. After seeing the way you had reacted to Penny tying to bandage your neck the night before, you were in a fragile state. She didn’t want to make it worse by interrogating you.

Instead, she decided to help Bob with breakfast, getting up from her seat and moving to the fridge to gather ingredients.

You sat huddled in your blanket, watching them work, comforted by the sight. It had been like this years ago. You and your friends crowded into Bob’s kitchen as he made breakfast. Happy and carefree.

Oh, how things had changed.

As you watched them, an ache blossomed in your chest, and tears sprang to your eyes once again, threatening to spill down your cheeks. You wished you had never left. If you hadn’t, things would have turned out much different.

But you had made your choice when you left with Finn.

Initially, you hadn’t wanted to. But he had convinced you that becoming mates was the right thing to do. He was very persuasive, and you wished that you hadn’t been so blind to his manipulation back then.

But the influence of an alpha was a very powerful thing.

Your eyes had been opened. You had finally seen him for who he really was. Wicked and power hungry. Murderous.

You had been certain that he was going to kill you, when he severed your mate bond. As his claws raked against your tender flesh, you’d looked into the blood-red of his eyes, and you knew you were seconds away from death.

But it never came. Whether he’d decided to have mercy on you, or simply neglected to make sure you were truly dead. Either way, you managed to escape.

You ran into the night, away from the horrific discovery you had made before Finn banished you. The deepest betrayal. Yet it did not surprise you. Perhaps, deep down, you had always known it to be true.

After you left, you spent days wandering the forest, putting yourself in grave danger by doing so. In your injured, newly unmated state, you were a sitting duck. That was why, when you found yourself in Robert Floyd’s territory, you began running. Searching, hoping, praying he would take you in. Otherwise, you were certain you would die alone in those woods.

You should have known that Bob would do anything to protect you. That his kindness knew no bounds. He’d always been known for his benevolence. A quality that gained him respect as an alpha. He didn’t have to threaten and coerce wolves into following him. They chose to do so, because they deeply respected him.

He had not come about his status by force. Many years ago, before you’d even known him, his family had suffered an attack at the hands of a rogue group of werewolves. This attack had resulted in Bob’s mother and father being tragically killed.

His father’s dying wish was for his son to carry on his legacy as an alpha, and had thus bestowed the gift upon him. A transfer of power, from a dying wolf, to a living one. Bob assumed his role with pride, though painful as it was to go on without the ones he loved most.

But he determined that he would do his parents proud.

Years later, he had built a pack of his own. Each one of them came from a different bloodline. A different backstory. They were a band of misfits, brought together by odd circumstances, but they were fiercely loyal to one another.

What a privilege to serve as one of his betas. If only you’d chosen to remain here with him. But perhaps you’d been given a second chance. You certainly hoped so.

Even after all this time, he still treated you with such tenderness. The fact that he was making you breakfast because he didn’t want you to go hungry made your heart ache. He was good, through and through. Pure of heart.

If only for a little while, you let yourself rest in his care. You ate the breakfast he made, you drank the coffee, you pretended that everything was fine. But when you excused yourself to take a shower, you were struck with a crushing feeling of utter loneliness.

Although Finn had been cruel, he had still been your mate, and now that you weren’t running for your life anymore, you were finally able to process what had happened. You were a lone wolf now. An omega. To be without a mate felt unnatural.

You didn’t yearn for him. Not after what he had done. But you did yearn for the ache in your chest to leave you. You yearned to feel whole again, and not utterly broken from the betrayal you had suffered.

This was how you found yourself curled upon the shower floor, weeping as the water cascaded over your body. Dirt and grime from days spent in the wilderness was slowly washed down the drain, yet you hardly noticed as you succumbed to your pain.

In the kitchen, as Bobby cleared the breakfast dishes, his sharp hearing easily picked up on the sound of crying. Even with you a floor above him, he caught the scent of your distress. Bitter. Strong enough that it dizzied him and had him grabbing the edges of the counter to steady himself.

“Go,” Natasha told him, touching his back. “I’ll take care of the dishes.”

With a nod, he turned, mouth dry, feeling as if it was filled with cotton. His legs carried him up the steps two at a time, and in seconds, he was at the bathroom door, knuckles against the dark wood.

Through the door, he spoke. “It’s Bobby.” But you already knew he was there. His scent carried into the room. And when you tuned in to listen, you could hear his heartbeat. “Do you…do you want me to come in?”

You tried to answer. Tried to say I need you. I can’t be alone right now. But all that came out was a choked garble as more tears spilled down your cheeks. Bob heard it. The heartbreaking sound drove him to close his hand around the doorknob and slip into the steam clouded room.

There he found you, huddled in the corner of the bathtub. He did not hesitate to approach you. You looked up at him and let out a pitiful sound that struck him so deeply, his knees buckled. The weight of your grief settled upon his shoulders as heavily as the moisture that hung in the air, carving him in half, rending his heart in two.

“Oh, sweetheart,” he whispered. He hurriedly shut the water off before he yanked a fresh towel off the rack next to the shower. Already, you were moving toward him, and he welcomed you, arms open, towel in hand. As you surged into his embrace, he wrapped you in the towel, guiding you out of the shower.

But your legs were unsteady, and you found yourself sinking down to the tile floor. Bob had you, though, arms secure around you as he knelt with you. He ended up with his back against the side of the tub as you curled up into his lap, your wet skin soaking into his thin shirt.

He trembled as he held you, chest tight. As if he could sense what you were going to reveal to him. He’d known all along, after all.

“He…he killed him, Bobby,” came your broken whisper.

Bob gently grabbed your face in his hands as he locked eyes with you. “Tell me.”

“Finn killed my father. And when I found out…he tried to kill me.”

He went still. Measuring his breaths. Swallowing the horrific rage that began to bubble up in his throat. The heat of it burned across his skin like fire. Unbearable. All consuming.

And then you took his hand in yours and brought it to your neck, where your slashes were still healing beneath the bandage he’d put there the night before. “I want you to see it.”

Hot tears welled in his eyes as he gazed into yours. “Are you absolutely sure that’s what you want?” He knew what you were asking for. You wanted him to access your memories. Something that only alphas had the ability to do. By sinking his claws into the base of your neck, he would be able to see the innermost parts of your mind.

“Yes,” you told him. Your voice did not waver.

With only a moment’s hesitation, Bob moved his fingers to the back of your neck, taking a steadying breath before he closed his eyes, opening them to reveal fiery red. At that same moment, his claws sank into the base of your neck, just beneath the back of your skull.

You whimpered, your own eyes glowing yellow, mouth parting, fangs sprouting from your gums. Gaze locked with Bobby’s, a searing memory ripped through your mind, and he could see it so clearly, as if he was experiencing it firsthand.

There was Finn, stalking toward you. You were stumbling back, trembling in fear, sick from betrayal. “Tell me!” You shouted, “tell me the truth!”

“You already know it!” He snarled.

“No! I want you to say it! Say what you did!” Hands held out in front of you, body partially shifted, ready to fight against him if need be.

He crossed the space between you swiftly, hand clamping around your throat before you could react. “Fine. You want to hear me say it?” The hatred emanating from him was venomous. “I killed your father, and I took his alpha status.” There was no remorse in his tone. In fact, he sounded proud.

Then he dropped you, and you hit the ground, hard. You’d known it was true. But hearing him say it made it real. A vicious wail tore itself from your throat. “I’ll tell the rest of the pack! They deserve to know!” You cried.

He was on you again, gripping your shoulders, claws tearing at tender flesh as you yelped, too weak to fight. “If you tell them, I’ll kill you.”

Even as you struggled against him, he held you down, using all of his supernatural strength, fueled by rage, to keep you in place. “You know what? I’ll just kill you now.”

And then his hand was at your throat once again as he hissed out, “I denounce you as my mate,” before he slashed his claws across your skin.

He left you to bleed out. Fading in and out of consciousness. Perhaps he was certain that you would die, and that you would take the knowledge of what he’d done to the grave. Or maybe, he intended to return and finish you off later. Either way, he abandoned you.

And when you managed to drag yourself back to the compound on which your pack had been living, you found it empty. Everyone was gone. You were alone.

So you wandered through the woods for days, until you came upon the Floyd pack, and strength surged through you, enough to send you running toward safety.

With a sharp gasp, he retracted his claws from the base of your neck, eyes wide, chest heaving. You fell against him, sobbing, and Bob could hardly process what he had just witnessed.

“Look at me.” Voice ragged. Barely contained. When you didn’t lift your head, he took your face in his hands again, forcing you to look at him. “He will not get away with this, do you hear me? I won’t let him.”

He was vibrating. Filled with such painful anguish and fury that his body ached. But he still remained in control, for your sake. He would not frighten you by reacting the way that he wanted to. Your safety was still his first priority, above all else.

“H-he’s gone. Took the pack with him. I don’t…I don’t know where they could’ve gone.”

Bob shook his head. “We’ll find him. Maybe not right away, but we will.”

Tears still falling, you shook your head. “He’ll kill you. He’ll kill anyone who challenges him. And I can’t…I can’t lose you.”

“You won’t lose me, little pup. I swear to you, Finn will pay for what he did.”

A promise that he intended to keep. No matter the cost. What this wicked alpha had done was a heinous crime. Punishable by death, in the werewolf world. If no one else would challenge him, then Robert Floyd would.

He wanted nothing more than to gather his betas and hunt Finn down. But he had to think logically. He couldn’t just go off in a blind rage. Finn was very skilled in combat. If Bob acted off of emotion alone, he would be defeated.

So he would wait. Anticipating. Calculating. Planning.

For now, his sole responsibility was to care for you, and make sure that you were on the road to recovery. So he would remain here. And he would do his job. Because, unlike Finn, Bob had not come about his status dishonestly. He counted his position as a sacred duty that he would fulfill to the very best of his ability.

So he took a steadying breath and guided you to your feet. Touch gentle. Tender. He wiped your body down. Smoothed lotion onto your skin. Wrapped you in another dry towel, leaving only for a moment to grab a baggy shirt and sweatpants from the depths of his dresser.

And then he was leading you back to his bedroom. A safe haven for you. A place that smelled like him. And now, his scent was your greatest comfort. It also acted as a form of protection. You were safer if you smelled like him.

As you climbed back into his bed, you looked at him, and he knew, in that very same moment, that he would move heaven and earth to keep you safe. You were always meant to be his. And now, he’d been given a second chance. He wouldn’t let you slip through his fingers. Wouldn’t let another alpha take you from him.

“Please, don’t leave,” came your whisper.

“I’m not going anywhere.” He climbed into the bed with you, and you curled against him, like a cat settling in for a nap. Lips brushing against your temple, he said, “sleep, little pup. I’ll be here when you wake up.”

So you slept. And Bobby kept watch over you. Just as he’d promised.

Your journey to recovery was a long, slow process. But he was with you ever step of the way. Handling you with tenderness. Never raising his voice. Never lifting a hand to harm you. He’d sooner cut off that hand than lift it against you in a fit of rage.

As days, weeks, and eventually, months, passed, you found yourself integrating well into pack life. The dynamic was different here. There was a mutual trust between Bob and his betas. You realized that trust had been missing in your own pack.

Finn’s wolves submitted to him because they had no choice. But Bob’s wolves did have a choice. If they wanted to leave, they could. Though none of them chose to do so.

Although some were wary of you, namely Bradley, who had originally believed you might bring danger upon this territory, they all warmed up to you as time went on. Each day, you got stronger. Your wounds healed. Your trauma still plagued you, but it became a dull ache in your chest, rather than crushing agony.

You connected with each beta under Bob’s leadership. You rekindled your friendship with Natasha. You developed a strong connection with Mickey. You even befriended Penny’s daughter, Amelia, who was the youngest pack member, but took a liking to you.

And as the months went on, you found your place with these wolves. They became your family, just as they had been before you left. You bonded with them, and most importantly, you bonded with your Bobby again.

When the cold winter gave way to warm spring, you were doing better than you had been in a long time. Although what had happened to you still lurked in your memory, and would never truly leave, you could lean on your newfound family for support.

And when your footing grew uncertain, and your mind went to those dark places, Bobby was there to carry you through it. Calm. Steady. Reassuring. There was solace with him.

The knowledge that he needed to make Finn pay for his crimes still lingered in his head, even with the passing of time. It was a bitter wave of heat that flooded through his veins every time he thought about it. Sometimes, his fingers would twitch, claws nearly lengthening as he pictured killing the cruel alpha.

Soon.

First, there was something very important that needed to be done. Something that would ensure your safety, by bonding you to him. He needed to mate you.

This was not something that he pressured you into. He would never force you into such a thing. But you made the decision yourself. You knew, just as well as him, that your omega status put you at risk. You also knew that you had let Bob slip through your fingers once before. You weren’t going to lose him again.

You wanted to be his. Wanted to willingly give yourself to him, joining your souls together as one. But it took time for you to decide that you were ready. And that was okay. Bob waited patiently, allowing you time to heal and recover.

And then, one night, beneath the light of a half-moon, you told him you were ready.

You had chosen to go for a stroll after a dinner shared with the rest of the pack around Bobby’s kitchen table.

In recent days, you had become a little more physical. Seeking out his touch, brushing against him when he was near, sitting with your thigh against his, intertwining your fingers with his. Now, as you walked, your hand was clasped in his own much larger one, as your head rested upon his shoulder. Your heart lurched as you considered your words. Bobby could sense your shift in demeanor. Something he was very well attuned to.

“Something on your mind, little pup?” He asked, thumb drawing comforting patterns on the back of your hand.

You tugged on his arm, so he’d come to a stop. Concern shadowing his face, he turned toward you. Gaze open. Expectant.

“I’ve been meaning to tell you…” You hesitated, stopping to take a deep breath. “I’m ready now. To be your mate.”

His breath caught in his throat. “Are you sure?”

You stepped toward him. The heat of his body was comforting. “I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life.”

He never broke eye contact. Because of this, you could see the shift in his expression. The tightening of his jaw. The ragged breath of air he drew. You reached for his other hand, bringing it up to your breast, just over your heart.

His lashes fluttered. “If that’s what you want, then that’s what we’ll do,” came his reply. There was a tremor in his voice. He had been waiting for this moment. “I need a few days. There’s a little cottage not far from here. It’s a good place for us to…to have some privacy. I’ll need to get it ready. And then of course I need to stop taking my suppressants.”

You nodded in understanding. “Okay. Do whatever you need to do. I’ll be waiting for you.”

“How long has it been since you were in heat?”

At his question, you stilled. A memory, a painful one, flashed through your mind, and you flinched. “I…I’ve never been in heat.”

Bobby’s brow furrowed, puzzled. “What?”

“After we were mated, Finn made me take suppressants. Said he didn’t have time to deal with my heats, so he didn’t want me going through them.”

And there it was again. Fury, bubbling up in his throat. He swallowed it down like he’d taken a sip of bitter poison. Finn had no right to control that part of you. It was an alpha’s duty to guide their mate through heat. To deny you that was cruel. Not that Bob should have been surprised. Of course Finn would take away your autonomy.

Hands trembling, he cupped your cheeks, cool from the chilly night air. “I’m so sorry. I can’t…I can’t fathom doing such a thing. I would never—will never—do that to you.”

“I know, Bobby.”

He pulled you toward him, arms wrapping around you. “When you become my mate, you will be loved and respected in the way that you deserve.”

You had no doubt that he would make good on his promises.

After that night, you were given five days. Days Bob would spend readying the cottage, and you would spend preparing yourself. Becoming mates was a very sacred thing. It was a ritual, of sorts. And when you had become Finn’s mate, he hadn’t wanted to go about it in the traditional way.

There was no ceremony. He had merely scent marked you and that was that. And just as easily as he’d mated you, he broke that bond without a second thought.

You were eager to experience a true mating ceremony. And Bob would do everything in his power to make you feel special, loved, and cherished during it. You deserved as much.

On the day of the ceremony, you were filled with excitement and nervousness. But Natasha and Penny put those nerves to rest as they helped you get ready in Penny’s residence.

“You look so beautiful,” Nat breathed as she gently placed a crown of burgundy roses atop your head. Burgundy signified devotion.

“You think so?” You asked, gazing at yourself in the mirror. Uncertain.

She smiled that pretty smile of hers that lit up her whole face. “I know so. Bob is going to be blown away.”

Your heart warmed at her words.

“You’ve come a long way,” Penny spoke up, from where she’d been making two flower necklaces, which you and Bob would place upon each other during the ceremony. Pride shone on her face, and in her sea glass eyes.

“Yeah,” you agreed, “I’m not that scared little omega anymore.” A rueful smile tugged at your mouth. Part of you was ashamed, at times, over how you had been so easily overpowered by Finn. But you had nothing to be ashamed of. Few could survive the wrath of an angry alpha, but you had. That was a feat in and of itself.

Penny crossed the room, sincerity in her gaze as she reached for your hands. “You are so much more than that. You are about to become Bob’s chosen mate. That basically makes you queen of this pack. And I want you to know that you have my undying loyalty.”

“Me too,” Natasha agreed with conviction.

“Even though I walked away from him and left with Finn?” Guilt darkened your tone.

Penny squeezed your hands. “That’s in the past. What matters is that you’re here now.”

A soft rap at the door interrupted the sweet moment the three of you shared. “Sun’s setting. It’s time,” came Mickey’s voice.

Nat sauntered to the door and wrenched it open. There stood Mickey, dressed in a loose white button down, half unbuttoned, and a pair of nice slacks. When he saw you, joy and admiration filled his soft brown eyes.

“You look stunning,” he hummed. You thought you saw the mist of tears gathering in his eyes.

“Thank you, Mickey,” you shyly responded, not used to being in the spotlight.

He squared his shoulders. “Are you ready? Bobby’s waiting.”

You looked at Penny and Natasha, and they both nodded in encouragement. “As I’ll ever be,” you said.

Mickey held out his arm, and you let your hand rest in the crook of it. He led you through the hallway of Penny’s house, down the steps, and out the front door. Nat and Penny followed, each holding the flower chains Penny had made.

You closed your eyes and breathed in the spring air before you let Mickey guide you down the porch steps. You would cross the property and meet at the forest edge, where the ceremony would take place.

Soon, you came upon the rest of the pack, who were all gathered in their places. Jake, Bradley, Javy, Reuben, and Amelia stood together, while further ahead, on a small wooden platform, stood Pete, who’d been asked to carry out the ceremony, and, of course, your Bobby.

He looked exceptionally handsome in his blue button down, which was the same shade as his eyes, tucked into freshly pressed slacks. His feet were bare, because there was no need for shoes. After the ceremony, you would shift into your wolves, so the less clothing in the way, the better.

When he saw you, his face lit up like the sun. Tears welled in his eyes. They welled in yours, too. Hand still resting in the crook of Mickey’s elbow, you let him guide you to Bob.

The sun, which was sinking below the horizon, cast a dreamy orange haze over everything, and it made Bobby look as if he was glowing. Perhaps he really was.

All eyes on you, you made your way up to him, allowing Mickey to hold your hand for balance as you stepped onto the wooden platform. There, you stood before Bob. Your alpha. Soon to be your mate. Loving, tender, fierce, benevolent. The one you were always meant to be with.

He took your hands in his, and he gazed upon you with such love and adoration that it stole the breath from your lungs.

Beside you both, Pete spoke. “I’m honored that you asked me to lead this ceremony, Bob,” he said with a smile. “I know this has been a long time coming. I’m happy that you two found each other again.”

And thus, the ceremony began.

“Bob, state your pledge,” Pete instructed.

Bobby never broke eye contact as he made his promises to you. “I promise to uphold this sacred bond, as long as I live. I promise to protect, honor, and cherish you. No harm will come to you by my or anyone else’s hand, and I will not allow anyone to threaten the sanctity of this bond. I’m yours, forever.”

Emotion gripped you like a vise, and you worried you wouldn’t be able to speak. Somehow, you managed to make your pledge to him. “I, too, promise to uphold this sacred bond, as long as I live. I promise to love you with everything in me. I promise that I will be yours until the end of time. My loyalty is to you, and you alone, as my alpha, and my mate.”

Though the rest of the pack surrounded you, it felt as if you were the only two standing there. It was you and him, against the world.

You knew what came next. The moment that would officially bind him to you, and finalize your matehood. Slowly, you knelt, as did he, both of you finding yourselves on your knees, hands still joined.

Bob closed his eyes for a moment, steadying himself with a deep breath before he looked at you again. When he did, his eyes glowed ruby. Mirroring his action, your own eyes shone golden as the sun.

Then, he leaned toward you, and you tilted your head, baring your neck to him. The place that had been marred by Finn’s claws months ago, now healed completely, skin smooth and unmarked.

Bobby buried his face against the side of your neck, where your scent was strongest, breathing in deeply. It hit him like a kick to the abdomen, jarring, overwhelming, intense. You smelled sweet. Like a peach ripened beneath the summer sun. Like sugar fresh from the cane. Like everything good and pure in the world.

He rubbed his cheek against your neck, then his nose, then his other cheek. Transferring your scent onto his skin. When he reluctantly parted from you, you proceeded to do as he had done, nuzzling your face into his neck.

He smelled like pine trees and spring air warmed by sunlight. Deep, earthy, sweet, comforting. You let yourself nearly get drunk off of it. Now that you had marked each other, you were pledged to one another. Joined as one.

When you lifted your face from his neck, his hands came up to tenderly hold your face before he ducked forward. You welcomed him, head tilting back, mouth parting, just before he kissed you. Deeply, fiercely, pouring his love and devotion to you into that impassioned kiss.

“Mine,” he growled softly against your mouth, fangs lengthening, scraping lightly against your bottom lip.

“Yours.” An eternal promise.

You remained knelt together as the flower chains were placed upon your necks.

“Let this pack be a witness to this sacred ritual,” Pete said aloud, “our alpha has chosen his mate.”

A chorus of joyous howls erupted from each pack member, and your face broke into a smile as peace washed over you. You hadn’t felt a sense of peace like this when Finn marked you as his. But with Bobby, you did.

As you stood, you turned to your pack, breathing in deeply as elation warmed you from head to toe. Although everything you had been through had scarred you deeply, you realized that all of it had brought you here, to this point. To a new family. A new mate. A new life.

A celebration followed that night. Music and dancing, food and drink. Surrounded by warmth and love, your heart soared. You’d never been so happy.

And when the moon rose in the sky, full and bright and heavy, it was time for the pack to send you and Bobby off. Surrounded by your chosen family, you allowed yourself to shift into your wolf. Bones rearranging. Some lengthening, some shortening. Bare skin soon hidden beneath a layer of thick, gray fur.

In your animal form, you bowed low before your alpha, snout hidden beneath your foreleg. A show of submission.

Bobby in his wolf form, fur a rich chestnut, gazed down upon you, and whined lowly. Stand. His voice echoed through your head. Immediately, you stood, and as you did, he nuzzled his snout against your before the expanse of his body deliberately brushed against yours, further marking you with his scent.

The rest of the pack had also shifted into their various wolf forms, now surrounding you. Another collective howl carried through the forest, and beneath the light of the full moon, you were off, running alongside your Bobby, dashing through the forest like streaks of lightning.

You could not describe the feeling of running with your mate if you tried. It felt as if you were electrified. Aware of his every breath, every growl, in tune with his every instinct, communicating non-verbally.

You felt free, wind whipping through your fur, nothing but forest for miles. This was how it was meant to feel.

For what felt like hours, you ran, playfully nudging one another, pausing to nuzzle against the other’s fur. Gentle nips, soft, non-threatening growls and whines. Enjoying your shared animal nature.

And then, finally, you slowed to a stop when you came upon the little cottage Bobby had spent the last few days preparing. There, on the threshold, he shifted back into his human form, naked skin pale in the light of the moon. You followed suit, standing before him, awaiting his guidance.

He breathed deeply, your scent intoxicating, as he pulled you closer. “Tonight, we rest. We’ll need it, because I stopped taking my suppressants today, and once they’re fully out of my system tomorrow…”

“My heat will start,” you finished for him.

He nodded. There was something in his eyes. Unspoken, even as they narrowed slightly. You realized it was desire. “Since you’ve never experienced it…I don’t know how you’ll respond. It might take a little time. Or, you might wake up to it. No matter what, I’m there to help you through it, okay? I’ll do whatever you need me to do.”

You nuzzled your nose against his. “I know. I trust you, Bobby. There’s no one else I’d rather go through this with than you.”

Once again, you were joined in a searing kiss, and you melted into him, bare body against his own. When you parted, he took a shuddering breath. “C’mon, little pup. Let me show you around the cottage.”

He swept you over the threshold, instructing you to wait a moment while he slipped into the back bedroom, emerging with two robes, the same color as the roses that had been placed upon your necks. The color of devotion.

Almost reverently, he placed the robe upon your naked body, before he shrugged into his own. Then, he took your hand. “This place has been sitting empty for a while, so I spent extra time making sure it was perfect for you.”

The place was cozy and quaint. Furniture accented with dark woodworking. An oak coffee table sat in the middle of the living area, a braided rug beneath it. A cozy looking couch, an easy chair, and a rocking chair were strategically placed.

Antique art pieces decorated the plaster walls. An old piano was in the corner. A floor lamp illuminated the room in a cozy yellow glow. The kitchen was small, but practical. Dark wood cabinets. Minimal appliances, just enough to suit the preparation of meals.

And, most importantly, the cottage smelled like him, because he had made sure to scent things like blankets and bedsheets, so it would feel like a safe haven for you.

You were overjoyed that you would get to spend the next few days here with him, undisturbed.

“What do you think?” He quietly asked, coming up beside you, large hand resting upon the curve of your hip.

You leaned into him. “I love it. It smells like you.”

“Hm.” He ran his nose along the side of your neck, breathing in. “When we’re finished here, it’ll smell like both of us.”

Your lashes fluttered as you allowed yourself to get lost in him. Floating, yet still grounded. He was the tether keeping you from disappearing into the clouds.

Gently, he turned you to face him. “I love you, little pup. I need you to know that. I’ve always loved you, and I thank my lucky stars that we got a second chance.”

“I love you too, Bobby. I’m yours forever.”

That night, you found yourselves under the warm flow of the shower. Bob took his time washing you, his eyes alight with worship as he ran the sponge over your bare skin. You did the same to him, the act of washing each other a way of displaying your respect and devotion to one another.

After your shared bathing, you ended up in the king-size bed that smelled of him, bodies curled around each other, whispered words fading into the sleepy atmosphere as you succumbed to your exhaustion. Safe. Content. Whole.

When you woke a few hours later, the first gray trickles of morning light had begun to bleed through the bedroom window. But the light wasn’t what woke you. No, your body drew to consciousness because of the deep-seated ache at the very core of your being.

As you awakened, the ache was dull, but as the sweet, earthy scent of your alpha reached your nose, it grew worse. More intense. Painful. You whimpered softly, squirming against the bed, turning toward Bob, who still remained asleep beside you.

Your head grew foggy. As if you were underwater. Your heart rate quickened. Your skin grew warm. It felt as if an electric current had crackled down your spine. Mouth open, you were suddenly aware that your body was beginning to shift.

You tried to speak, tried to call out his name, but all that came out was a pitiful yowl. Bob could smell you before his eyes opened. So strong it nearly knocked him right out of bed. Gasping sharply, his irises flashed red as his lashes fluttered.

His gaze locked with yours, and he grunted, struck with this powerful, all-consuming need to take control and claim you. Your pained whimpers went right to his heart, settling between his legs, an arousal so intense it was almost violent in the way that it overtook him.

“Bobby…i-it hurts!” You sobbed, grabbing at him, claws biting into his skin. He hardly noticed it, as the slight tinge of pain was nothing compared to the monstrous wave of desire that was spreading through him like wildfire.

“I’m here,” he grunted, “I’m here, little pup.”

You barely heard him, blood rushing in your ears as you tugged at his sweatpants. Why was there a barrier in the way? You needed him, skin to skin, now. Growing frantic, you yanked more insistently at the waistband.

“Hold on,” he said, stilling your hands, but in your heightened state, you snapped at him, growling sharply. Challenging him.

That drove him to action. Snarling, he surged forward, pinning your arms against the bed as his frame hovered over you. “Wait.” Using that firm tone that left no room for argument. The tone that immediately brought out your submission.

Mouth falling slack, you mewled, rubbing your face against his neck, seeking penance.

“I’ll take care of you, I promise,” came his whisper. He needed to steady himself for a moment. He felt reckless. Out of control. Head spinning, heart racing. God, you smelled so good. Intoxicating. It clouded his brain and made him burn with need.

He pressed his nose to your throat, inhaling. Yes, you smelled sweet, but there was something else. Something sharp. Irresistible. It wasn’t emanating from the gland on your neck. It was somewhere else.

Searching, he descended your body, using his supernatural sense of smell to locate it. Lower, lower, lower, until he found himself between your legs, burying his face in your cunt, clothed only by a thin pair of panties that were already soaked through, so much so that the fabric was nearly transparent.

He groaned, fangs elongating in his mouth. He felt like an animal. A beast. He remained in human form, but his wolf was still there, lurking inside him. Taking over his brain as he sank his canines into the meat of your inner thigh.

You let out a squeak of surprise, jolting against the bed. His large hands held you in place. “Mine,” he rumbled, tongue soothing over the bite, which had drawn blood. “My mate. All mine.”

Eyes hazy, you watched as he gripped your underwear, hesitating only for a moment before he tore them in two, discarding the tattered fabric and leaving you bare to him. There was something primal in his face. He was going to devour you. But you were not afraid. Even as he growled and showed you the red of his eyes.

He nosed at you again, allowing your scent to engulf him. Heady, sharp, threatening to suffocate him.

“Please,” you sobbed above him, and the sound made his heart wrench in his chest and the breath leave his lungs. “I need…I can’t…I…” but the words died in your throat.

Unable to stop himself, he opened his mouth and pressed his tongue against your dripping center, licking up the honeyed sweetness and moaning brokenly. You tasted indescribable, intoxicating. And as his tongue came in contact with you, your cunt brought forth even more of your sticky arousal, and he eagerly lapped it up.

But he couldn’t remain there for long, because your pathetic whines drew him back up, until he was hovering over you. As his hips slotted between yours, you could feel him, hard beneath the fabric of his sweatpants, pressed against you. All rational thought left your mind as you pawed at him, desperate for his cock, eager to be filled, sure that you’d die if you didn’t get him inside you in the next thirty seconds.

He soothed you quickly, kissing you fiercely, tongue delving into your mouth, letting you taste him as he reached down to hurriedly shove his pants down his legs. He parted from you only to toss the clothing onto the hardwood floor.

Your gaze was drawn down, falling upon the heavy hardness between his legs. Thick, leaking, blushed at the tip. If you thought you were filled with desire before then, it certainly hit you like a ton of bricks at that very moment. Crushing you. Suffocating you. Searing through your body as if your blood was made from molten lava.

The wave that hit you was so powerful, so jarring, that you curled in on yourself, unable to bear it. It was too much and not enough, all at once.

“Bobby!” You sobbed. Blinded by your hunger.

But he had you. Guiding you onto your back, pushing your legs apart, exposing you to him. “Look at me.”

Frantic eyes flickered to his own.

“I’ve got you, little pup. Breathe for me.” His palm splayed against your chest, and he guided your breaths. Although he, too, was in his own heightened state of arousal, his instincts still urged him to take care of you.

He buried his face against your neck once again, breathing in deep. And then, his mouth parted, fangs sharp, pressed against tender flesh, just as his aching cock nudged into you, inch by inch.

His canines sank into your flesh at the same time he thrust forward, mounting you, filling you whole in one motion. So sudden that you wailed, jolting beneath him. But you were not in pain. Far from it.

The feeling of him inside you, stretching you for the very first time, was enough to bring an overwhelming peace upon you. Your mind, which had been plagued with thoughts of primal desire, soon quieted. Your erratic heartbeat calmed. You became one with your mate, your alpha.

“I’m here.” He spoke, but his voice may as well have been inside your mind, echoing through the fibers of your very soul.

You gasped, your eyes widening as you gazed up at him. “B-Bobby,” you squeaked. You couldn’t find the words. You only knew how to speak his name.

“I know.”

Tears slid down your cheeks, and you couldn’t help but let out a broken sob. You wrapped your arms around his shoulders, tugging him closer to you. As he watched your tears fall, he ducked forward, tongue darting out of his mouth to lick them from your skin.

Though you had never experienced this with Finn, you knew it would not have been this special, this sacred, if you had. It was different with Bobby. He was gentle. Devoted. Kind. No cruelty resided in his bones. Only goodness.

“Yes, my love,” he whispered, afraid that if he spoke louder, his voice would betray him, “this is how it was meant to be.”

Arms tightening around his shoulders, you pressed your chest to his, and he kissed you, mouth open against yours as he slowly pulled his hips back, nearly leaving you empty, before he pushed forward again.

You gasped sharply, head falling back against the softness of the pillows. With each push and pull of his cock within you, your body reacted, providing you with even more lubricant until he was gasping, glancing down at your cunt, stretched around him. “Oh, honey, you’re…you’re dripping all over the place.”

“Ca-can’t help it. Feels…oh, feels so…so good.”

His mouth parted to let out a choked grunt, head dipping to rest upon your collarbone as he built a rhythm. Slow at first. Almost tentative. But the pace soon grew more deliberate. It wasn’t hurried. Not yet. Instead, he kept his body close to you, unwilling to create too much empty space between you. With the steady grinding of his hips, he rutted into you rhythmically, heavy cock pulsing within you.

The ache of your crushing need was gone, but it had been replaced with a different form of desire. One for him to move faster. Deeper. To stake his claim over you.

“Please…need it harder,” you rasped against his ear, canines scraping at the shell of it.

Bobby obliged, keening low in his throat. You found your legs wrapped around his lithe waist as he plunged into you over and over again, the wet sound of your cunt almost obscene.

God, he was so deep, impossibly so. You felt very ridge and vein of his cock, creating a feeling within you that could only be described as a growing, flickering flame. Increasing in temperature by the minute.

Wanting to stake your claim, as he’d done to you, you opened your mouth, teeth pressing against his neck. Your claws dug into his back as your fangs sank into the skin. Bobby snarled, but not angrily. You felt him twitch inside you.

His eyes flashed bright red once again, and he shuddered, nearly coming to a halt as he nearly lost control of his shift. You’d dulled his shaper senses, and therefore, it was more difficult for him not to succumb to his wolf.

Even so, a slight change in him took place. His muscles rippled beneath your touch. He gripped at the sheets, claws ripping into the cotton. “Can’t…can’t control it,” he managed to grunt. He screwed his eyes shut, vision fading out momentarily.

And that was when you felt it. His cock swelled inside you, not greatly, but enough for you to notice. You yelped. Not because it hurt. Because it made you see stars, as if you were exploding across the sky like a firework.

By some miracle, Bobby held on to what shred of control he had left, remaining in his human form, though the blue of his eyes stayed hidden beneath the glow of ruby, and his fangs and claws stayed extended.

You screwed your eyes shut and mewled as he rutted into you. This felt right. This felt natural. And it was.

Long before either of you were born, your hearts and souls were promised to one another. And although time and other circumstances had driven you apart, you were together again. Knit together by the very fabric of the universe.

“Oh, Bobby, you feel so good.” Breathlessly whispered into the air between you. Heady, smelling of sex and desire and something you couldn’t quite name.

“So do you,” he moaned, moving so his hands were braced on the mattress, caging you in, surrounding you in his warmth, making it seem as if you were the only two living beings in the entire world. And for all you knew, you were. Within the four walls of this home, nothing existed but you and Bobby. You were here, together, to fulfill a primal need to claim, and be claimed. To love, and be loved.

You held onto him so tightly, as if you were afraid he might disappear if you didn’t. Your trembling voice was in his ear, begging him to go deeper. Pleading with him to own you.

I’m yours. All yours forever.

With each nudge of him inside you, you were electrified. Spine tingling. Body shuddering. Your head felt hazy. Buzzing as if you’d consumed something alcoholic. But you were merely drunk off of your mate. His cock, his scent, his entire presence.

Once again, he let his eyes flicker down, to the place where your bodies met. Where you gushed around him with each thrust. “My perfect girl, taking me so well. Like you were made to,” he praised.

Then his forehead was resting against your own as he drove into you more deliberately. “I…I’m gonna fill you up, sweetheart.” He knew he was close. Teetering toward that edge, a flicker, a spark, gathering at the base of his spine.

“Please,” you begged, tearfully.

“And you’ll take it all, won’t you? I know you will. You’ll let me knot you like the good little mate that you are.”

You cried out, trembling against him when he thrust forward particularly deep, sending your body vibrating with ecstasy. “I will! Please, I want…I want you to claim me, want every wolf to know that I’m yours!”

Bobby kissed you again, swallowing your pleas, tongue slipping into your mouth. You feverishly kissed back, but you hardly registered what you were doing as your body began to climb that peak, soaring toward the clouds. For a moment, you thought you really had begun to float, but you remained anchored, grounded, tethered to your mate.

It rushed through you. Building, building, building. Flames growing higher, hotter, brighter. Your eyes rolled back. You couldn’t breathe. Yet you had never felt more alive than you did right then, It was immeasurable. Indescribable.

Your vision went black, flooded with endless galaxies stretching across a velvet black sky. It felt as if you were filled with celestial light, blinding and beautiful, surging across the sky in golden hues.

Your alpha’s name left your mouth in hushed whispers. Bobby, Bobby, Bobby. You knew nothing else but him. Only him. Inside you. All around you. Consuming you.

You were unraveling like a spool of thread. And he could feel it. The way you pulsed around him, so tightly that he almost couldn’t move within you. Grunting breathlessly, he clutched the already tattered sheets, flinching, as if a bolt of lightning had just fallen from the sky and struck him.

“Let go,” he rasped, knowing that he, too, was moments from coming undone. He needed to feel you, before he did. Pulsing, clenching, undulating beneath him.

You let out an animalistic little yip, locking eyes with him. Almost there, almost there, almost… “B-Bobby, I…I’m…”

He moved so that he was on his knees, with you wrapped around him, rocking against his lap. Then he held your face in his strong hand, and a deep growl—no, snarl—sounded in his throat. Then he was using his voice again. That commanding, powerful tone that reminded you that he was, in fact, the alpha. “Come.”

Then you were plummeting. Faster, faster, faster. Certain you would collide with the ground and disintegrate into billions of tiny atoms. But he had you. Arms encircling you, pulling you into his body, holding you close.

Eyes glowing yellow, your gaze locked with his. It hit you so hard you convulsed against him. Spreading through your body. Engulfing you. Swallowing you whole. You let out a wolfish howl, head thrown back as you came apart in the arms of your one true love.

It continued even as you cried, mouth open against his, unable to do anything more than take it. A seemingly endless, surging wave. Bobby held you to him, overwhelmed, watching your beautiful face shift into an expression of unadulterated bliss.

Even as you were still trembling against him, his own release suddenly rushed through him, your pulsing cunt bringing it forth from him. His seed flooded the very core of your being, surely claiming you, as he moaned openly.

As the haze cleared, you fell against him, exhausted. Gasping for breath. Your face rested in the crook of his neck, where you could feel his pulse, quick as a hummingbird. His grip loosened on you slightly, though your bodies remained connected, and would for some time. Slowly, you lifted your head, mouthing his lips sleepily. Whimpering as you felt his cock swell once again. This time it was to bind you to him.

As you looked into his face, you realized his eyes were back to their very human blue. Lovingly, tenderly, he swiped his knuckles over your exertion-warmed cheek. “How you feeling, little pup?” He asked.

It took you a moment to form words. “Li-like I just got claimed by my alpha.”

A delighted gnarl sounded in his chest. “Mm. You’re all mine, aren’t you? Nice and full of my knot.”

Satisfied, you nestled your face against the hollow of his throat. And then, you began to purr. A sound that he had never heard come from you before. It sent a wave of pleasing warmth through him, and he so very carefully moved to lower you both to the bed.

You wrapped your legs around his waist, as you remained tied to him. You could not begin to describe the peace that you felt. Here, in his arms, bodies joined together, you were complete. Whole.

“Thank you,” you whispered, as his fingertips began to trace abstract shapes against your spine. “I…I’m so grateful that I got a second chance to be your mate.”

He bumped his nose lovingly against yours. “So am I. Now that I have you, I’m never letting you go.”

You knew he meant those words with the whole of his heart. You could rest in knowing he was yours until the end of time. There was a sense of refuge that you had never felt before. Finn had never provided that for you, despite it being his job as an alpha to do so.

But Bobby? He did. His very being exuded the safety and security that you so desperately needed. And although he was gentle, kind, and loving, there was a quiet ferocity to him. A determination to protect that which was his. His pack, his mate, the sanctity of everything that he had built.

As you lay intertwined in his bed, basking in your love for one another, you had no idea that that very sanctity would soon be threatened.

For now, you remained unaware. Blanketed in bliss.

Bobby held you in his arms and spoke sweetly to you, breathing whispers of his love and devotion as you remained wrapped around each other still. And after you parted, thighs slick with his sticky spend, you found yourself once again filled with desire. Not nearly as searing as before, but strong nonetheless.

He took you again that morning, filling you once more as you writhed against the bed.

After that, as you lay exhausted, skin sparkling in a thin sheen of perspiration, he reluctantly slipped out of bed to make breakfast, adamant that you both keep your strength up.

After breakfast, you went on a playful run through the woods, which ended in Bobby mounting you and rutting into you against the forest floor as you cried out into the open air, delirious from pleasure.

It went like that for the next five days. The two of you in various states of erotic embrace, driven by your animalistic need for each other.

But it was also a time of bonding. All the in between moments allowed you to enjoy one another’s company. Whispering and giggling well into the night as if you were at a slumber party. Snuggling up on the couch while Bobby read to you out of a poetry collection. Domesticity.

You were truly, incandescently happy. It was as if a heavy, unbearable weight had been lifted from your shoulders. You knew you were exactly where you were always meant to be.

All too soon, however, it was time to return to the pack. Although you didn’t want to leave the cozy little cottage where you’d spent the past week with your beloved mate, he had duties to fulfill, and his wolves were depending on him.

So, after you spent time together cleaning the cottage and leaving it even neater than when you’d arrived, you began the trek back to the compound.

“How’re you feeling, little pup?” Bob asked as he fell into step beside you, the two of you choosing to make the walk in human form, so you could enjoy leisurely conversation as you ambled through the woods together.

You smiled, leaning into him as he wrapped his arm around your waist. “Like I just spent a whole week going through heat with my mate,” you replied with a soft giggle.

He hummed, mouth curving into a smile as he leaned in to kiss your temple. But he grew serious as he asked his next question. “I didn’t hurt ya at all, did I?” He’d already checked in with you before, but he still wanted to make absolutely certain that he hadn’t been too much for you to handle.

“You didn’t. I know you’d never hurt me, Bobby.”

You spoke with such conviction that it made his heart lurch in his chest. “I just…I had to make sure, y’know?”

Your head rested against his shoulder. “Trust me, I would tell you right away if you hurt me. But that’s not something I have to worry about. Not with you. You’re everything a good alpha should be.”

He beamed at the praise. Oh, how glad he was that you believed in him. That you trusted him, and knew he would never harm you. “I love you, little pup. More than anything.”

“I love you too.”

Together, you strolled through the forest, beneath the sun-dappled trees, and you were content. You spoke of anything and everything. Of your plans for the future. Of your hopes and dreams and everything in between. If only for a moment, all was right with the world. You were happy, safe, and at peace.

Until you sensed it.

A scent carried by the wind. It stopped you dead in your tracks, and you gasped, eyes widening as a rush of ice-cold fear swept through you. Bobby sensed it too.

He went still beside you, tilting his head, inhaling. Blood.

But that wasn’t what had stopped you. No, it was something other than the metallic tang of blood in the air. The scent that drove terror through your veins was woodsy and sharp. Liken almost to that of a fire-ravaged forest.

“No,” you whispered. “No, no, no.”

Bob turned to you, face masked in worry. He knew that something was horribly wrong. That the safety of the pack had been compromised. But as he prepared to run toward the face of danger, you gripped his forearm, and he felt the way you were trembling.

“It’s Finn,” came your fearful whimper, as you glanced around, as if the wolf might come out of the shadows at any moment. “He’s here, somewhere.”

His worry morphed into a vengeful snarl. “Stay close to me,” he told you, “do not leave my side.”

But as he spoke, the sound of a howl ripped through the air, and his head snapped up, eyes flashing red. The howl belonged to Bradley. A howl of alarm. Let out as a call to his alpha.

Bob grunted at the sharp pull in his chest. An intrinsic need to protect. He grabbed your hand, and within seconds, you were both running, sprinting through the woods as fast as your legs would carry you.

It reminded you so much of the night you had come to him for help. Then, you were running into a safe haven. Now, that safe haven had been breached.

As you neared the compound, the gate came into view. It was wide open, swaying in the wind, and there was no one watching over the perimeter. The closer you got, the stronger Finn’s scent became. He was inside the compound.

Together, you burst through the entrance, and came upon a horrific scene. Bob skidded to a halt, arm darting out to stop you, immediately yanking you behind him.

You were surrounded by members of your old pack, but that wasn’t what sent a flicker of nauseating dread through you. The worst part was the sight of each of Bob’s wolves on their knees, forced to surrender, because, in the midst of them, there stood Finn, who held Mickey by the throat, claws piercing his flesh, intent upon killing him.

Crimson blood trickled through Finn’s fingers, and down Mickey’s neck. It was clear that he’d been in this position for long enough to deplete his strength. The fight had left him, and he remained limp and pale in Finn’s grasp.

Finn had forced the other wolves into submission by threatening to kill Mickey. And by the looks of it, he was going to succeed if someone didn’t intervene.

At the sight of his dear friend in such dire straits, Bob grew desperate, thrumming with rage. He squared his shoulders and shouted in a thundering voice, “Finn! Let him go!”

Finn turned, Mickey still in his grasp. When you saw him, the one who’d tried to kill you so many months ago, your stomach turned. That same murderous rage burned in his eyes. And he had the nerve to smile.

“Look who it is,” Finn taunted, “I was beginning to think you’d never show up.”

Bob inched forward, unwilling to make any sudden moves that might result in Mickey’s death. His friend gasped, though it sounded more of a sickly gurgle than anything. Bob swayed, fighting to keep himself in check.

“Let my beta go. He hasn’t done anything to you. Whatever your reason for being here is, take it up with me.” His fingers twitched with the urge to rip the cruel alpha apart.

Finn sneered. A face that had once been so handsome to you now made ugly by the harsh expression of wickedness. “My issue isn’t with you. It’s with her.” He jerked his head in your direction.

Bob pushed you further behind him, frame shielding you. “You aren’t her alpha anymore. You have no power over her.”

“You hand her over to me, or I’ll tear his throat out.” For emphasis, he tightened his hold on Mickey’s neck, pulling a pained groan from him.

A shudder went through Bob, his very atoms vibrating with his desperation. He knew that when forced to choose, his chemical makeup would naturally drive him to choose his mate, every time. But he also knew that if Mickey died right here and now, he would never forgive himself for letting it happen.

“You left her for dead! Why do you suddenly care about her now?!” He kept you tucked behind him still, an unmoving barrier between you and Finn. He wouldn’t let him come near you again.

You trembled, pressed against Bob’s back, gripping his shirt. As your eyes darted nervously to each of the faces belonging to pack members you’d once been close to, you wondered if any of them knew. Had Finn been honest with them about what he’d done? You had a feeling that they were completely unaware. That they didn’t have a clue he’d killed their previous alpha and wrongfully claimed—stolen—his status.

“Let him go.” A voice you hardly recognized, but soon realized was your own. You still remained behind Bob as you spoke. But you forced yourself to look at Finn. To hold his gaze.

He looked at you with grave disdain. “You’re pathetic. How quickly you moved on to another alpha. You reek of his seed. But it shouldn’t surprise me that you’d whore yourself out for him. Of course you’d give him easy access to what’s between your legs.”

Bob snarled, incensed. How dare he speak of you in such an obscene manner.

Only briefly, his eyes flickered to his own pack, each one on their knees, forced into a stance of submission. He considered the odds. They were surrounded by Finn’s wolves, and there were a lot more of them than there were of Bob’s.

Bob was well in tune with his betas. He could potentially give Bradley or Jake the silent signal to cause a distraction. It was clear that Bradley was already seconds away from reacting, judging by the look of burning rage in his eyes. But as volatile as Bradley could be, he would not act unless his alpha gave him the signal to do so.

However, Bob knew that the moment he gave the go ahead, Finn would kill Mickey. But Bob also knew what Mickey would say. He would tell him to choose you.

But you couldn’t bear it. No, you wouldn’t let Finn hurt anyone else you cared about. Forcing the fear from your voice, you called out, “let him live, and I’ll go with you.”

“No,” Bob immediately interjected, tone firm.

“Bobby, I have to.”

“I won’t let you!”

“If I don’t, he’ll kill him.”

“He already took you from me once, I won’t let it happen again!” He didn’t dare take his eyes off of Finn, but if he’d been looking at you, you knew you’d see the intensity of his conviction burning in his gaze.

“Make your choice. The clock’s ticking,” Finn threatened.

Your stomach turned. The life was already beginning to drain from Mickey’s eyes, even as he weakly pawed at Finn’s hand around his bloodied neck. If you didn’t act now, it would be too late.

So you stepped forward.

Bobby grabbed your arm, grip tight, insistent, but not painful. “No.”

You turned to face him, and he saw something in your face then. An unspoken understanding passed between you. Silent words that may as well have been shouted at the top of your lungs as you looked upon his face. You knew what you were doing. He had to let you go.

Though it broke him to do so, he dropped your arm.

As you turned to look at Finn, you wondered what narrative he’d spun, to convince the rest of the pack to come here. None of them were cruel and power hungry like he was. If they’d followed him here, he had given a believable enough reason for them to invade Bob’s territory.

No matter what he’d told them, you intended to try to reason with them. Perhaps you could sway their loyalty to their alpha.

“What do you want with me, Finn?” You asked, hands out in front of you, surrendering, approaching him cautiously.

His upper lip curled into a snarl. Then he swept his free arm through the air, motioning to his wolves. “What do I want? Ask them.”

You lifted your head, gaze falling upon each pack member. You’d once been family, but now, you could see the hatred in their eyes.

Finally, one of them—Eleanor—spoke up. “You abandoned your pack. You betrayed your alpha. And now, here you stand, mated to a new alpha. You know how unforgivable that is. You need to pay for what you’ve done.”

“That’s not true,” came Bob’s voice from behind you. He stepped forward, but forced himself still. He would remain in control for as long as he needed to be. If he acted rashly, he’d lose Mickey, and his pack would likely be overpowered by Finn’s.

“You don’t get to speak for her,” Nathaniel, another of Finn’s wolves, snapped. “She answers for her own actions.”

Heart hammering in your chest, you hesitated, choosing your next words carefully. You had a plan, and you knew exactly how you were going to execute it. However, you failed to realize what was coming next, until it was too late.

Letting out a trembling breath, you locked eyes with Finn and slowly lowered yourself to the ground. Much like you had the day you’d been reunited with Bobby. A display of submission.

At the sight of you kneeling before the one who’d betrayed you, Bob’s stomach turned, nausea creeping up his throat. But this wasn’t his choice.

As you looked up, a dark flash of wicked elation crossed Finn’s face. “There, that wasn’t so hard now, was it?”

It happened in the blink of an eye. Supernaturally quick, yet in slow motion, all at once. Mickey drew in a shuddering, choked gasp, just before Finn slashed his claws across his throat and dropped him to the ground with a sickening, lifeless thud.

A rush of blood pounded through your ears as your heart raced, and you felt as if you had been kicked in the chest, oxygen snatched from your lungs as you wailed out, “NO!”

The red of Finn’s eyes matched the red of the blood that poured from Mickey’s neck, as he surged forward, right toward you. You scrambled to your feet, attempting to bring yourself into a defensive stance, but before you even felt the impact of him colliding with you, the sound of a deafening roar cut through the air, and in seconds, you were hit from the side by a force so strong you went soaring.

Your vision went black for a moment as you hit the ground, and when your sight returned, you looked up to find a chestnut wolf standing in front of you, shielding you. Bobby.

You were suddenly surrounded by wolves of all shapes, sizes, and colors. You were the only one who remained in your human form as apex predators clashed around you. Growling. Pacing. Each side waiting for their alpha to make the first move.

Scrambling to your feet, you stumbled back, yanking at your clothing, throwing the offending fabric aside as your body shifted into your wolf. Without hesitation, you moved to stand at Bob’s flank, showing your allegiance to him.

Finn stood in front of him, and as he lowered down to his haunches, you knew he was preparing to lunge.

He and Bobby collided in the blink of an eye, snapping, clawing at one another. And then all hell broke loose. You watched in horror as your old pack, and your chosen one, broke into a battle.

You didn’t want to fight any of them. How could you? They were your family. It broke your heart to think that some of them might die at the hand of Bob’s wolves, and vice versa.

There was only one at fault for the events that had taken place. Finn was the perpetrator. He was the one who had convinced his pack members that you had turned your back on them. What would they do, if they knew he was responsible for killing their old alpha? And if you told them, would they believe you?

The time for reasoning was over. There was no stopping the violent conflict happening around you. Lives would be taken. The soil of this compound would be soaked with blood. It was already stained with Mickey’s. More would follow.

And as you watched your families clash, you were struck with a grief so intense you almost collapsed under the weight of it.

You tried to keep your eye on Bobby, hoping he would hold his own against Finn. Although Bob was very skilled and cunning, Finn was running off of pure rage and hatred. A powerful, deadly combination.

But you were soon faced with no other choice other than to defend yourself when you were cornered by Theo, one of Finn’s wolves. He growled, eyes trained on you. And then he lept toward you, and you collided with him, desperate to fight him off. If you had to kill him to protect yourself, you would, but you silently prayed it wouldn’t come to that.

Theo’s claws sliced into your flesh. You were holding back, but he wasn’t, so you shut off the human part of your brain and let yourself become the predator you were by nature, fighting for your life.

There was no telling how long the battle lasted. It could have been minutes, it could have been hours. The chaos mounted in intensity. In ferocity. Teeth and claws, ripping and slashing. Howls, snarls, roars of pain and rage.

Everything was falling apart. In a way, it felt as if you were on the verge of losing everything. And maybe you were. Maybe you had been given a second chance with Bobby, only to lose him again.

And when the battle finally stopped, it was not because one side arose victorious. No, it stopped when a sickening, harrowing yelp ripped through the air.

Immediately, the wolves around you froze. Everyone went dead silent. Turning to face the source of the yelp. Immediately, Theo backed off of you, allowing you to scamper to your feet.

You’d already known who the howl of pain belonged to. It had struck you right in the heart when you heard it, as if someone had shot you with a silver arrow. And as you took in the sight before you, your world tilted on its axis.

Bobby had been forced into his human form, laying sprawled upon the earth as Finn’s wolf stood over him. Growling. Claws at his throat. Seconds away from making a blow that would kill him.

You were moving before you realized what you were doing. Bones shifting. Fur giving way to smooth flesh as you dashed forward. “NO!” You heard a ragged, primal scream cut through the air, and realized that it had come from your own throat.

You threw yourself to the ground, landing upon your mate’s injured form, putting yourself between him and Finn. Staring up at the cruel, violent wolf. Beneath you, you could hear Bob’s pained groan, and broken whisper, “d-don’t.” He couldn’t bear to watch you die.

But you remained there, shielding him. Protecting him. “I won’t let you kill him!” You cried out, even as Finn growled, bloodied maw dripping onto your bare skin. “I won’t let you kill him like you killed my father!”

When the wolf hesitated, you knew it was finally time to take your power back.

Emboldened, you glared up at him. “Tell them, Finn. Tell them how you killed him and stole his alpha status. Tell them how you lied about it. How you tried to kill me when I found out.”

Around you, wolves had shifted into their human forms. A voice called out, “is that true, Finn?”

“It’s true. All of it,” you answered for him, even as he snarled. He had yet to shift into his human form.

And you knew, as you looked into his face, that he was going to kill you. Even when he had severed your mate bond all those months ago, he’d never looked this murderous. Perhaps you had accepted that this was the end, because you felt no fear, even as he reared back. At least you would die in Bobby’s arms.

You closed your eyes, making peace with it.

But the blow never came. In a split second, another wolf was colliding with Finn, effectively saving your life. Your head shot up in surprise, eyes going wide as saucers when you realized who had intervened.

Mickey.

His sudden distraction was enough to let the rest of the pack gain the upper hand. In a split second, Finn’s own wolves turned against him. Although Mickey was injured, he’d been able to hold him down long enough for Finn’s pack to capture their wayward alpha.

Moments later, Finn was back in his human form, kneeling against the earth as Eleanor and Theo held him in place. “Is it true?” Theo asked. “Did you kill our alpha?”

Finn did not answer. Theo gripped him by the throat, eyes flashing yellow. “Answer me! Did you kill him?!”

From where he knelt, Finn locked eyes with you, and a sneer darkened his face. If he had his way, you would be dead, and he would be bathing in your blood. Now, it was his blood that would be shed.

“It was worth it,” he finally said. “I’m not sorry for killing him. I never was.”

Although you had known it to be true, and had heard him confess it before, it still felt like a slap to the face to hear him say it again. It made it real. He’d actually taken your father’s life. It wasn’t a bad dream. It was reality.

But the nightmare was over now, because, in seconds, Finn’s wolves moved to close in on him. However, this wasn’t their fight. There was only one who had the right to enact punishment upon him.

At that moment, Bobby struggled to pull himself upright, turning to you, taking your face in his trembling hands. He pressed his forehead against yours, and although no words were spoken, you knew what he was going to do. It was what he had sworn he would do from the moment you stumbled into his compound, bearing Finn’s claw marks upon your neck.

He parted from you, and you stood with him, as he called out, “Stop.” The authority in his command drew everyone’s attention to him.

Slowly, he approached the group that surrounded Finn. Gait wavering, because of his injuries. But he stood tall, despite his pain. He did not take his eyes off of Finn, and he realized that the corrupt alpha looked afraid.

Bob stopped in front of him, glowering. “You took something from me.” Tone sharp. Not an ounce of kindness or mercy in his voice.

Finn attempted a scoff, though it sounded nervous. Uncertain. “I didn’t take anything from you.”

With a growl, Bob gripped his hair and yanked his head back. “You took my mate, who was promised to be mine. You killed her father. You tried to kill her.” He trembled with the force of his indignation. “And because harm came to her by your hand, you are going to pay for it with your life.”

Bob leaned in close, so his face was inches from Finn’s. Eyes glowing red as ember, fiery with his rage. “You will never hurt her again. You will never hurt anyone again.”

When he drew back, you closed your eyes, unwilling to watch. But you heard it. The tearing of flesh. The strangled groan. The thud of a body landing upon the earth.

And then it was silent, save for the sound of footsteps moving toward you.

“It’s over.” When your eyes fluttered open, you found Bobby kneeling before you. “He’s gone.”

You were sobbing before you threw yourself into his arms. Face buried against his neck, body trembling. It was done. You were safe.

You remained there on the ground for what felt like hours, holding one another, unwilling to let go. When you parted, you found yourself frantically searching him for any injuries sustained. His chest and torso were covered in claw marks. A particular nasty gash on his side was what had driven him into his more vulnerable human form.

But as you placed your hand upon his chest, over his heart, he was very much alive.

“Bobby…” you whimpered, chin trembling. The gravity of the situation had finally set in. He could have died.

He reached his hand up, cupping your cheek. “Oh, my precious pup,” he whispered. “I’m okay.”

He held you close again, even as his gaze flickered up to take in the carnage. He searched for his own pack members. Counting each of them. And there they all were, now in their human forms. Natasha. Jake. Bradley. Javy. Reuben. Pete. Penny. Amelia. And, by some miracle, there was Mickey. Clearly injured, throat still bloodied, but alive. How he had managed to survive Finn’s violence was unclear, other than by sheer force of will.

Bobby had never been so relieved. As he locked eyes with Mickey, the beta nodded at his alpha. A silent way of saying I’m okay.

Slowly, Bobby rose to stand, with you by his side, arm wrapped around his waist, head resting against his chest, listening to the beat of his heart, pumping his lifeblood through him. You hadn’t lost him. Not today.

Together, you limped toward the other pack members, who surrounded you, showing their support to their alpha and his mate. Natasha was the first to step forward and wrap her arms around you and Bob.

“We’re okay,” she whispered. “We’re all okay.”

And then there was Mickey. Leaning against Jake for support, he managed a weak smile. He could not speak, as Finn had damaged his vocal cords. But they would heal in time. Until then, he merely opened his arms and brought Bobby into his embrace.

“I’m sorry I was gone,” Bob whispered, “if I’d been here sooner maybe I could’ve stopped this from happening.”

But as they parted, Mickey shook his head. Although he could not voice his feelings, Bob could see them conveyed clearly in his eyes. It wasn’t your fault.

He lovingly squeezed his beta’s shoulder.

“I’m sorry too. If I’d realized Finn was going to do this…” you spoke up, unable to articulate your feelings as emotion tightened your throat.

But none of them held any of it against you.

“What matters is we’re all safe and alive,” Penny interjected. “And the one responsible for all of this is dead.”

At her words, you nodded, reaching out to squeeze her hand. Then you leaned back into Bobby, unwilling to be apart from him. Not after almost losing each other.

A voice drew your attention outside the intimate circle in which you’d gathered. There stood Nathaniel. As he looked at you, deep remorse gathered in his green eyes.

“I’m sorry we didn’t see it sooner. That we all just blindly believed him,” he said, voice trembling. The rest of his pack came to stand behind him. They all looked heartbroken and full of deep regret over what had transpired.

But you shook your head. “I believed him, too. He…he was very convincing.”

“Still. We should’ve known something was wrong when he claimed you abandoned the pack. You wouldn’t have done that without good reason.”

You didn’t hold any of them responsible. Finn was a master manipulator. He had you fooled, and if you hadn’t gotten wise to him, you never would have escaped his hold on you.

“It’s over now,” you finally said. “Finn can’t control any of us anymore.”

And thus, a heavy weight was lifted off of your shoulders.

You looked at Bobby, and offered a smile, though tired as it was. He returned your smile, and intertwined your hands. It would take a while to heal from this. But you knew that, when the time was right, you would join each pack together as one. Just as had once been planned, before a corrupt alpha had ruined it all.

Thankfully, all hope was not lost.

But first, recovery had to take place. In the days following the conflict, Penny was busy treating injuries. Mickey was a special case that required round the clock care. While Penny was preoccupied with him, you and Natasha worked alongside her, tending to wounds and making sure everyone was healthy.

The physical scars would heal, but the emotional ones would remain raw for a while. Your grief was just as painful as ever. It had been rehashed during the encounter with Finn.

You were relieved his wolves had wised up to him, but so much heartache had been endured in the meantime. Heartache that could have been avoided if you had seen him for who he really was from the start.

Bobby held you as you lay awake at night, weeping softly into the peaceful confines of your shared bedroom, and he assured you that it wasn’t your fault. He knew how you blamed yourself. How you wished you hadn’t been so blind.

“But you saw it,” you whimpered. “You knew something was wrong in the beginning. How could I not see it?”

And that was the thing of it. He had suspected Finn in the beginning. But he hadn’t pushed the issue as hard as he should have. “We both have to live with what happened,” he whispered, “but it doesn’t have to define us. The universe gave us a second chance. Not everyone is that fortunate.”

He was right. Although you had suffered great pain to get to this point, you were increasingly grateful that the universe had given you another chance.

It would take time for you to process your grief and guilt. But Bobby would be right there with you. Your mate. Your one true love. You didn’t have to go through it alone.

A little ways down the road, your packs would finally come together. They would pledge their allegiance to Robert Floyd, the benevolent alpha.

And you and Bobby would lead them. Together. Just like you were always meant to.

#fic recs

162 notes · View notes

dawngyu · 2 days ago

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OKAY, NINA. YOU KNOW HOW I patiently waited for this like the good girl I am… RIGHT??

BUT 26K. LIKE, WOW. OKAY. (I’M LIVING FOR THIS DAY BECAUSE OF IT, BUT THOSE TAGS? THEY’RE GIVING ME HEART PALPITATIONS.)

spoilers under the cut!

The first few paragraphs? UGH. I adore how you wrote them. Her inner monologue?? I’m such a sucker for that because it explains so much and sets the perfect mood—and you NAILED it. Wowowow. The way she’s torn between Beomgyu and Soobin… I know you planted those seeds back in Part 1, but girl, you reaped them beautifully here. You’re insanely talented—I swear, I need to kiss you.

And the dialogues—I love how you bring out each character’s personality just through how they speak. Her longing for Soobin?? My GOD. I’m on the verge of sobbing.

“I think so. If not, then I’ll be at Soobin’s place.”

For the first time, Beomgyu has the decency to not make a face when you bring up Soobin. Instead, he looks away and lets out a heavy exhale. Well, improvement is improvement. You’ll take it.

“Who else will be there?” he asks.

“Some of his friends.” You see him tense a bit at your side from the information. A slight unease fills you, but you don’t let it consume your mood. Tonight will be fun. You can’t let anything ruin it already.

“Are they all guys?”

You pause for a second in thought. “I’m not sure.”

He looks down and shakes his head in disbelief. “So you’re going to his place with a bunch of random guys?”

OKAY—this scene was such an eye-opener for who Beomgyu really is. I’ve dated a guy like this before… and let me tell you, it did not end well. (We dated—like, full-on dated. And here? They’re not even official yet. But I’m trying to adjust my lens because it’s GYU??? Sick behavior.)

AHHH, THE SCENES WITH TAEHYUN, KAI, AND SOOBIN. (SOOBIN IS GIVING ME BUTTERFLIES.) My heart twists every time with Soobin. The fact that he wants her to be his before kissing her? A label. A clear signal. His integrity… honestly, it’s making me feel so small.

“Don’t worry about it. You could take a year if you need.” His words are so effortless, and he really means it, which pushes your heart further towards a path alongside him.

IM GONNA CRY???

“You want me to change? You want me to be more like him?” he asks. There’s something unhinged in his expression. It’s like he’s losing his grip on his sanity. Fear creeps up your spine, but it doesn’t overshadow your frustration.

OKAY, BEOMGYU?? NINA?? I SCREAMED. WHAT. THE. ACTUAL. F. The manipulation—I can’t. He knows he can’t win her heart yet… so he tries to get to her physically. AND THE SMUT?? HELLO?? It has me in a chokehold—I don’t even know if I’m breathing right now…

OKAY, YEONJUN CAME IN STRONG HERE. But honestly, I’m glad he told her what Beomgyu’s been saying behind her back. A guy who kisses and tells… sighs deeply I’m unwell. The confrontation is inevitable at this point, and is it safe to say I’m crying now? Because you’re starting to crush my heart.

GOD. YOUR WRITING. I HATE THAT I LOVE U.

The manipulation Beomgyu’s pulling—UGHHH ASJDHASDG. I fear it would work on me… banging my head against the wall.

Somehow, Beomgyu becomes the only person you don’t feel guilty being around. When you’re with Soobin, you feel guilty for what you’ve done with Beomgyu. When you’re with Chaewon, you feel guilty for not taking her advice and controlling your life more. With Beomgyu, you don’t have to feel guilty, as long as you don’t let yourself think too hard.

OH NO. I see it now… THE FACT THAT HER PHONE WENT MISSING?? AUSDGHUAISGD. I’m officially starting to have trust issues too. This just proves how deep and immersed I am in your writing.

He drops to his knees as a sob escapes him. Unintelligible pleading escapes his lips, but you can’t allow it into your mind. If you stay here a second longer, he’s going to find your soft spots and attack. Adrenaline forces you to start moving.

THIS. OMG. I’M AFRAID THIS MIGHT WORK ON ME TOO. I’m so sorry. (God… the writing. Again.)

And honestly, I feel for the reader. Sometimes, when you really want someone and the path to them feels impossible, it’s so easy to fall for someone else’s manipulation—because it seems easier. But deep down, it’s not. Ugh, I don’t know. I’m so conflicted.

“He fell for you?” he fills in. “I can see why.” He brushes your hair back. Even now, his smile is pure and soft.

i’m crying… completely lost for words. you’ve absolutely shattered my heart. don’t think I’ll be able to process this for at least three business days.

He steps back. “I’m glad I knew you. You’re the best thing this city has to offer.”

:((((( (kms)

I honestly don’t even know how I managed to finish this… Maybe it’s the tissues piling up on my desk from wiping my eyes that got me through. I love it. I love how you, time and time again, differentiated Soobin and Beomgyu—their positives, their flaws. The way you balanced it all was perfect. And the way you ended it? I have to say, you’re such a brave writer for choosing that path. Because at the end of the day, THIS IS YOUR FIC.

I’m truly honored to have had the chance to read this masterpiece—and even more honored to call you my friend.

I can’t wait to see what else you’ll bring. I love you ninaaa. xxx

PS: you deserve an award for writing this, really.

cold, cursed city (part 2)

summary: You wish your best friend would just leave your budding relationship alone.

pairings: beomgyu x fem!reader, soobin x fem!reader

word count: 26k

tags: ANGST, smut (MDNI), best friend and roommate!beomgyu, crush!soobin, possessiveness, manipulation, arguments, very bad reckless dumb decisions, codependency, beomgyu gets a bit crazy

smut tags: multiple smut scenes yet again sigh, switch!gyu, switch!reader, handjob, masturbation, fingering, squirting lollll, praise, degradation, pet names (puppy, baby, etc), overstimulation, edging, dacryphilia, mind breaking kinda, utilization of a mirror, some pussy slapping, dubcon!! please beware!

notes: the smut here is so depravedddjshjshdjdjhs 😭 mind the angst in all caps btw… don’t get too mad at me LMAO. this is the final part btw! enjoyyyy<3

Being home feels so awkward now. You feel like you have to avoid Beomgyu, and that’s something you never would have imagined. You wonder if there’s any going back now in your friendship. Will it ever be normal again? It will take some time, you think, but you don’t doubt it. You can’t doubt it. It’s just that you need some time right now.

A part of you is thankful that he leaves you alone. It reprieves you of the constant guilt you were battling with, and you can talk to Soobin without feeling like a liar. Another part of you is terrified that he’s leaving you alone. It’s so unlike him to not be clingy and talkative. You wonder what he’s been going through these past few days.

You don’t even eat dinner together anymore. When you get home from work, you grab something quick to eat and go to your room as soon as you’re finished. The only times you’ve seen Beomgyu since your last conversation is in passing, when you see his figure walk down the hall or pop back into his room.

You really hope he’s okay. You can’t stand to dwell on it too much, obsessing over how he might be dealing with this. Maybe it’s been easy for him. Honestly, he probably needed this too. He must have been going insane the same way you were in his attempts to keep you to himself.

But you do miss him. You miss him when you’re sitting at the table, staring at an empty chair across from you. You miss him when you’re wiping off your makeup, looking for his presence behind you in the mirror. You miss him when you’re laying in bed, watching a movie on your laptop all alone. You miss him a lot.

You’re getting ready for work, staring blankly at yourself in the mirror as you fix your hair. You don’t really have anything to look forward to today. You’re not seeing Soobin after work, Chaewon’s been busy all week, and Beomgyu’s not talking to you. Maybe you’ll invite one of your other friends to hang out later. You hate feeling so lonely.

You grab your purse and head to the kitchen, opening a breakfast bar to eat before you put on your jacket and shoes. You’re about to head out, but a small bright-colored paper on your fridge catches your attention. That wasn’t there last night. You step closer to the fridge and lean in to read the post-it note.

Won’t be back till late tonight. Also eat up the fruits they’re gonna go bad!

Huh, you wonder why he didn’t just text you that. You take the note off the fridge and fold it neatly into your pocket. Your hand is wrapped around it for the whole duration of your walk to work.

When you get back home, you already know what you’ll eat for dinner. You feel a little happier than you have been the past few days as you bite down on the fruits, feeling giddy at the smallest hint of reconnection with Beomgyu. Not talking to him for so long was taking a toll on you.

After you finish cleaning up, you decide to write Beomgyu a note too.

Fruit is all done. Mission accomplished

With a satisfied smile, you stick the post-it on the same spot Beomgyu put his. Maybe a part of you hopes he’ll hang onto it the same way you did with his.

──── ──── ──── ──── ────

Beomgyu normally isn’t awake when you leave for work; today, he is. You stop in your tracks for a second when you see him sitting at the table, resting his head on his arms. You consider stepping into the bathroom to give him time to run off to his room, but decide against it when he looks at you with brightened eyes.

“Good morning,” he says when you finally enter the kitchen. You give him a small smile.

“You’re up early,” you note as you grab something quick for breakfast. You keep your distance, standing at the counter even if you yearn to leap into the seat across from him.

“I wanted to talk to you,” he explains simply.

“About what?” You keep your guard up.

“Anything,” he says. “I just miss talking to you.” Your standoffish demeanor melts, and your eyes soften. You know how he feels.

“Me too.” You finally move into your seat, excited to finally see something besides an empty chair when you eat here. “What have you been up to recently?”

He shrugs. “Playing games. Sitting in my room. Working. What about you?”

“Pretty much nothing,” you answer. While a part of the conversation does feel weird, seeing as you’re trying to reconnect with your literal best friend, it doesn’t feel stiff or awkward. You’re more happy than anything to hear his voice again. It’s been a long few days.

“We need to do more with our lives,” Beomgyu laughs. It feels good to see a smile on his face again.

“No literally, my screen time this week is embarrassing. Netflix has seen me more than you have in the past five days.” You mean it as a lighthearted joke, but Beomgyu only frowns a little at that. He looks away for a few seconds, then back at you with a gleam in his eyes.

“Why don’t we do a movie night tonight then?” he offers. You light up at his suggestion.

“Yes! I’ll pick up some take-out for dinner too.” You clasp your hands in excitement. A semblance of normalcy is coming back to you, and it tastes so sweet.

“I’m so happy,” Beomgyu says, and it shows on his face. You resist the urge to pat his head at how cute he is.

“Me too.” You get up from your chair and throw out your trash. “I’ve gotta head out now,” you announce, looking at the time.

“Okay, have fun at work!” You feel his stare on you as you gather all your things and move towards the door.

“Thanks, I’ll try,” you say before heading out.

Work feels less stressful today. You don’t feel as frustrated at your little mistakes as you have been recently. You talk to your coworkers a little more than usual at lunch, and you even offer to help on an overdue project for the company, feeling more generous than usual.

As you walk back home, take-out bag in hand, you find yourself feeling foolish for ever worrying that you and Beomgyu couldn’t go back to normal. It was so easy to fall back into this, it’s as if it was second nature. As long as Beomgyu knows not to cross the line, this night will prove that you made the right choice. See, you can have both Soobin and Beomgyu in your life.

Your phone buzzes, and you fish it out of your pocket to check the notification. It’s a text from Soobin.

[Soobin] Hey, if you’re not busy do you want to grab dinner?

You pout, hating to have to reject him.

Omg I literally just got food :(

[Soobin] That’s okay!

[Soobin] There’s always tomorrow

Your cheeks hurt from how hard you’re smiling. Today is going so well, you almost can’t believe it. Finally, finally you get a day like this, where the world is kind to you again. Suddenly you find yourself more grateful for all the people you have in your life.

Tomorrow it is then!!

Beomgyu’s already sitting on the couch when you enter your apartment. You quickly take off your shoes and jacket so you can dash to your spot next to him, placing the take-out bag on the table in front of you.

“Hiii,” you greet while pulling a blanket into your lap.

“You’re finally back,” he says, smiling. You get yourself cozy as Beomgyu rips open the take-out bag, pulling out all the food.

“Yeah, I stayed a little longer to help with a few extra things.” You grab the remote to start scrolling through movie options. “What do you feel like watching?”

Beomgyu hums in thought. “Something scary?”

“That’s more for autumn, though,” you say. You start scrolling through some comedy movies instead. Those are always fun to watch with Beomgyu.

“Why’d you ask me what I want to watch then?” he laughs. You hold back your smile and whack his shoulder with the remote. He pouts at you in faux hurt as he places a hand over the impacted spot.

“Same reason you ask me what I want for dinner.” You scroll past a bunch of movies, trying to find one you haven’t seen that actually looks interesting. It’s a difficult task when you and Beomgyu have already watched so many movies together.

“It’s gonna take longer to find a movie than it is to watch one,” Beomgyu complains through a mouthful of food.

“Ew, finish chewing.” You keep your eyes on the screen, but you see him snicker in your peripheral. You finally land on a movie that sounds compelling, turning to Beomgyu to gauge his reaction.

He nods. “This one’s good.” You click on it and turn up the volume, then abandon the remote in favor of grabbing some food.

It feels just like a movie night a month ago would have felt. You fill the air with laughter and banter, and you can’t wipe the smile off your face. The only difference this time is that when you finish eating, you don’t cuddle into Beomgyu’s side. You have to be more mindful of keeping space between you now.

You laugh so hard at one point that you have to pause the movie to catch your breath and wipe your tears. “Oh my god, this was so needed,” you say to Beomgyu, still fighting off the last of your laughter.

“It literally was,” he agrees. “The past few days were legit the worst of my life.”

Your laughter finally dies when you hear that. “The worst? Why?”

Beomgyu laughs a little, but it doesn’t sound genuine. “I was scared that you hated me now.”

You turn your head to Beomgyu, but he doesn’t look back at you. God, did he seriously think that? You would never hate him. A weight falls onto your shoulders, and your heart aches.

“Well, don’t think like that ever again,” you say. He finally looks at you. You channel all your sincerity into your gaze. “Even if I’m mad at you, I still love you. You’re my best friend.”

It takes a second for him to react. He gives you a small smile that looks awfully forced, then looks down at his lap. “I love you too,” he says. You don’t want to ruminate on how weird that felt, so you take the remote to resume the movie.

“Back to watching,” you say, leaning back into the couch.

Once you finish the movie, Beomgyu helps you clean the mess on the table, and the light mood persists. You’re glad that you didn’t ruin your friendship with Beomgyu, cause you only feel this comfortable and at ease with a select few people. When you go to bed, you almost cry thinking about your day. You knew that you were having a hard time, but you didn’t realize how hard it was until you got a slice of your normal life back.

A feeling aside from happiness grows in your chest too, something more reflective: you feel proud of yourself. It was hard setting your boundaries with Beomgyu, but you’re so glad you did. Even this one day serves as evidence that you made the right choice.

You can barely fall asleep because you’re so happy, but you have work tomorrow, so you force your eyes shut and wait impatiently to see what the day brings.

──── ──── ──── ──── ────

“How have you been?” Soobin asks as you seat yourself in front of him. The restaurant he chose is a warm, cozy one, which is a relief. You were worried that he might pick somewhere too fancy, because you had no time to change out of your office attire.

“I’ve actually been pretty good, how about you?” You’ve been looking forward to talking to Soobin again. Ever since he asked you to be his girlfriend, you’ve been itching to feel ready for the label. You won’t force it upon yourself, but you know you’ll be there soon. You’re once again reminded of how lucky you are that Soobin’s willing to wait for you.

“I’m good too,” he answers. You love his smile, you hope he never stops giving it to you. The two of you catch up a bit on life, talking about work and friends. He seems to have been busy this week.

The food at the restaurant is great, but that’s no surprise because Soobin always knows the best places in the city. The night passes quickly, and you find yourself walking back home all too soon. He accompanies you when you ask him to walk you to your apartment. You blamed it on how late it is, but it’s actually because you want more time with him.

“Are you free on Saturday?” Soobin asks, looking at you with hopeful eyes.

“For you, yes. What do you have in mind?” You want to hold his hand so bad, but you don’t know if you’re at that stage yet. You crave the weight of his hand in your own, swinging between the two of you. You want to lean into his side and engulf yourself in the brewing romance.

“I was wondering if you’d like to meet my friends? I’ve been talking about you a lot, and I know I promised you I’d introduce them.”

You light up at that, making sure to look up at him so he sees your grin. “That would be so fun.”

You’re thrilled at the idea that he talks about you with his friends a lot. Whew. Good thing you’re already outside, cause you need the fresh air. He’s everything you could ask for in a man.

“We’d be meeting at my place if that’s okay,” he says, sounding a little shy as he brings it up. You can’t hold yourself back now—you grab his hand and squeeze it excitedly.

“Of course! I’m dying to see your home. And your friends.” You can imagine the nerdy little decorations he might have lying around his place. You’d let him ramble about each and every little trinket for hours on end if he wanted to.

You’ve arrived at your street all too soon, finding yourself wanting to slow your steps to get a little more time with Soobin. “Thank you for taking me out today,” you say as you see your apartment come into view. You stop walking so that you can fully turn your body toward him. You just want one last good look before you’re off.

“Thanks for giving me the time,” he responds. His warm, sincere words always find the right way to strike your heart.

“I’ll see you Saturday, then.” You send him a parting smile, backing up a couple steps. “Good night, Soobin.”

“Good night.”

As you walk away, you have a revelation. Your body aches to run back to him, you feel like you’re missing something and you can’t quite end the night yet. There’s something that leaves you feeling only half fulfilled. There’s something more you crave.

You wanted to kiss Soobin. Your wish is left ungranted, lips tingling with the feeling of what could have been.

Your feet pause for just a second when the realization hits you again. You wanted to kiss Soobin. You wanted to feel his arms around you, wrapped in a hug that meant more than just a hug. You wanted to hold his face in your hands, feel the warmth of his skin beneath your palms. You wanted to kiss him.

Oh, your poor heart. Where do you store all this longing?

──── ──── ──── ──── ────

Saturday comes faster than you anticipate. You change into outfit after outfit, trying to find the perfect thing to wear. You don’t want to over dress, but you don’t want to look like you don’t care at all either. What do you even wear to a get together for a friend group you don’t know?

You settle on a cute dress that you bought while shopping with Chaewon some time ago. It’s modest enough to wear casually, but pretty enough to make you feel confident in it. You’ll have to wear tights to save your legs from the cold, but that’s okay. You move to your vanity so you can do your hair, looking at yourself in every angle in the mirror.

“Where are you headed?” The sudden voice startles you, and you turn around to see Beomgyu standing by your door. You didn’t even notice him enter your room. You wonder how long he’s been there.

You look back in the mirror, fixing your hair. “Just meeting some people,” you answer. Beomgyu steps closer to you, only stopping once there’s just a few inches separating you. You look at him through the mirror. His eyes trail down your body.

“Well, you look pretty.” He fixes the strap of your dress on your shoulder.

Your face heats up, and you forget what you were about to do. “Thank you.”

His hand trails down your arm and stops at your elbow, rubbing your skin. “Won’t you be cold?”

“I have a jacket. Plus, I’ll be indoors,” you answer.

He hums and nods. “Are you coming back tonight?”

“I think so. If not, then I’ll be at Soobin’s place.”

For the first time, Beomgyu has the decency to not make a face when you bring up Soobin. Instead, he looks away and lets out a heavy exhale. Well, improvement is improvement. You’ll take it.

“Who else will be there?” he asks.

“Are they all guys?”

You pause for a second in thought. “I’m not sure.”

He looks down and shakes his head in disbelief. “So you’re going to his place with a bunch of random guys?”

You pucker your lips and look down, feeling like you’re getting scolded. Was this a bad decision? Maybe you should have done this at a public place. Beomgyu’s words worry you. Soobin’s not that kind of guy, though, and you’re sure his friends are just as great as he is. He’s thoughtful and always concerned about your feelings. You shouldn’t be nervous.

“I trust him,” you say, making Beomgyu scoff. “Gyu, please.”

“I’m sorry. I’m just… worried.” He meets your eyes in the mirror. He really does look worried. You realize that maybe it’s not selfishness driving his words this time, not the need to keep you to himself, but the need to make sure you’re safe. Your heart softens at that.

“I’ll be okay,” you promise, giving him a small smile. “I’ll call you if anything goes wrong.” He nods and stays quiet for a second.

“Where does he live?” Beomgyu asks. You freeze at his question, but he’s quick to explain, “So I know where to go if something happens.”

He means well, you’re sure, but you’re still wary about giving him Soobin’s address. Of course you understand his concern, but another part of you wonders what he’ll do with it if nothing happens. He doesn’t exactly have a great streak with Soobin.

Is this you being paranoid? You feel like you have a legitimate reason to be cautious, but you also feel bad for thinking about your best friend like he’s some freak that’ll show up to Soobin’s house for no reason.

“I’ll just share my location if it comes to that.” You hope he doesn’t feel offended.

“Let me walk you to his place at least,” Beomgyu pleads. You sigh, trying not to look at him and focusing on your appearance instead.

“Don’t be so worried. I’ll be back by ten. Does that make you happier?”

He doesn’t hide his smile. “You know it does. You should watch me play League when you get back.”

You roll your eyes. “Watch you get it on with your one true love?”

“Weirdo. I love more things than just League.”

“Like Overwatch?” That earns you a smack to the back of your head. “Hey! Careful with my hair!”

You catch a glimpse of the time when your phone lights up, and you realize you’ve been taking too long to get ready. Why does time only fly in the most inconvenient moments? You take one final glance at yourself, ignoring Beomgyu’s frame in the mirror beside you.

“You sure you don’t need me to walk you there?” Beomgyu asks. You turn to him with a smile, and it takes a surprising amount of effort to not go up and loop your hands around his neck. You can’t help but feel endeared by his cuteness. You stay quiet for a few seconds just to look into his eyes.

“I’m sure,” you finally answer. “I’ll see you in a few hours.” Beomgyu sits on your bed, and you wonder if that’s where he plans on staying while you’re out.

“Be safe,” he says as you’re heading out of your room.

You look over your shoulder with a grin. “No promises!” The flash of fear on his face makes you laugh. “I’m just kidding!”

──── ──── ──── ──── ────

You gather your breath as you stand before Soobin’s door, not wanting to knock until you’ve fully collected yourself. Your heart races in anticipation—well, also because you walked twice as fast as usual to get here, but mostly anticipation. Soobin seemed to get along with your friends, so you can assume that his friends should get along just fine with you too.

Finally, you tap your knuckles against the door, swaying on your feet as you wait for Soobin to emerge. It’s cold outside, the kind of cold where your breath fogs up with even the tiniest exhale, so you hope he’s quick to answer your knock.

You give Soobin a hug as soon as he opens the door. Part of it is to feed off some of his warmth, but most of it is because you’re excited to see him. His arms wrap around you to hold you close to him, and he doesn’t let go until you do.

“Are your friends here yet?” you ask when you pull away.

“Yes, they’re in the living room,” he answers. “Did you want a drink or anything?”

You shake your head. You’re too impatient to see his friends, wondering what kind of people he hangs out with. You follow him into the living room, and your eyes immediately fall on the two boys on the couch. It makes sense that his friend group is on the smaller side. They must be very close.

You wave and introduce yourself to his friends cheerfully. They do the same, and you learn that his friends are named Taehyun and Kai. Kai seems just as shy and endearingly awkward as Soobin, but Taehyun is pretty quick to open up to you. You find yourself talking to him a lot. You’re glad that you’re not the only chatty person here.

“So how’d you guys meet?” you eventually ask them, interested in how their friend group formed. The question makes Kai and Soobin laugh.

“I was friends with both of them before they knew each other,” Taehyun starts, leaning forward as he tells the story. “I had this match I wanted them to watch”—

“Match?” you interrupt, tilting your head.

“Yeah, I was really into boxing at the time.”

Your eyebrows shoot up at the information. That explains his muscular physique. You can’t imagine Soobin watching a boxing match, though. “Oh, boxing, wow.”

“Obviously I won the match, but that’s beside the point.”

“You did not win,” Soobin chimes in with an incredulous laugh.

“Yes I did! I literally won by knockout!” Taehyun defends.

“I still feel like the other guy got way more hits in than you,” Soobin says.

“I think you’re just still mad from what happened that night.” That piques your interest.

“Why? What happened?” you ask.

“He’s gonna tell it way more dramatically than it was,” Soobin warns.

“That’s probably true,” Kai chimes in.

“I’ll say exactly what happened,” Taehyun starts. “After my match, I went to Soobin and Kai, and we all got to talking. Eventually, I brought them to the practice rooms so I could show them some basic MMA moves.”

“After basically forcing us to!” Soobin exclaims. “I tried to say no!”

Taehyun starts laughing already, seemingly caught up in the memory. It puts a smile on your face as you wait for him to finish the story. “These guys start swinging with the weakest moves I’ve seen in my life,” he says through his laughter. “And I was trying to motivate them, but when I pushed the sandbag so it would swing toward Soobin, it hit him so hard it knocked him over.”

You cover your mouth with your hands, concealing your amusement and looking towards Soobin to gauge his reaction to the story. He wears a sheepish smile and leans his head down, rubbing his arm to ease his embarrassment. Taehyun’s still laughing his ass off when you look back at him.

Kai stands to Soobin’s defense, “He didn’t really get knocked over, he just stumbled back.”

“He did more than stumble back,” Taehyun says. “He had his arms swinging in circles to save himself and everything.” That image gets a chuckle out of you.

“So upon my first impression of Soobin, I could tell he was on the unathletic side. I kind of am too, though,” Kai says.

“Don’t worry, Soobin. I don’t think I’d fare any better in the MMA world,” you say.

“We can be the world class losers of boxing instead,” he jokes.

The night lives on with lots of laughter and snacks. You start playing card games at one point, to which they have to extensively explain the rules first, and you end up having more fun than you expected to have. Turns out you’re not too shabby of a Spades player.

Taehyun and Kai head out after a couple hours, saying goodbye to you and telling you that they hope to see you again soon. You actually enjoyed yourself a lot today, so you wouldn’t mind seeing them again either.

Once Soobin’s friends are out the door, it leaves just the two of you in his living room. You see Soobin yawning and stretching out in his chair. “Are you tired?” you ask. His sleepy nod makes you laugh a little.

“You can sleep on my bed if you want. I’ll take the couch,” Soobin offers. What a sweetheart. You must be smiling so stupidly, but you can’t help it. Your heart is a fickle thing.

“Thank you, but I promised Beomgyu I’d come back home tonight,” you say.

Soobin looks out the window. “It’s so dark out, though. And it’s freezing, your jacket won’t be enough. Your legs will be ice.”

“It’s okay, I’m good at handling the cold.” You aren’t really, but you don’t want him to worry. He frowns, looking down at your outfit.

“You didn’t have to dress up for me. I think you look pretty in everything. I’d love for you to dress warmly next time.” There’s a distinct hammering in your chest now. His compliment makes you weak in the knees.

He grabs your coat and delivers it to you. You thank him as you put it on, zipping it all the way up to prepare for the cold. You smile up at him in hopes that it eases his worries.

“Let me grab you a winter hat,” Soobin says, disappearing for a minute. He emerges once more with a beanie in hand, placing it on your head for you. “There. To keep your ears warm.”

“Thank you,” you say, looking down at yourself shyly. You’re not the type to get all flustered and quiet, but something about Soobin brings it out of you.

“Thanks for seeing me, and for meeting my friends.” You meet his eyes again when he says that.

“Of course. Today was fun,” you say. You stare at each other for a few long seconds as you linger by his door. You don’t really want to leave.

Soobin is every bit as handsome as ever, and suddenly it’s killing you that you’re not all over him. You want to grab his shoulders and pull him close, let your souls intertwine for just a few moments. You want to feel his breath on your face, you want his eyes on your lips and a yearning to stir inside him.

Your heart jumps, every thought in your head is filled with something about kissing Soobin. You’re so easily reduced to instincts when your mind is clouded like this. Your face is pulled by some unknown force closer and closer toward his face. Your eyelids flutter, and you tilt your head just slightly.

All to meet nothing.

“Not yet…” Soobin says, slowly retracting his face. You watch him back away from you, and the inches start to feel like miles. A sense of humiliation washes over you. Your face heats up. Why did you do that?

“I’m sorry,” you whisper, looking up at him apologetically. At least he doesn’t seem mad or upset—that would kill you.

He shakes his head and smiles. “Don’t be.” He presses his lips to your forehead. You reach for his hand, holding it so that you know he won’t try to leave. He accepts your touch easily, lacing your fingers together and staring into your eyes. There’s a warmth in there that makes you want to lean in and try to kiss him again, but your humility saves you from that.

“Can I ask, when will you be ready?” Your voice is meek, and a part of you almost fears his answer.

“Whenever you’re ready to call me your boyfriend,” he answers softly, simply. You nod, considering his words. Your gaze must be distant because you’re so deep in your thoughts, wondering if maybe you are ready now.

Does your heart stop at the idea of calling him yours because it entices you, or because it scares you? You don’t want to waste Soobin’s time standing here to contemplate it; you know you’re going to need more than a couple minutes to figure this out. No matter how much you want to, you can’t act on impulse with him—you want to foster a love that’s true and natural.

“I think I’ll have that answer soon,” you say.

“Don’t worry about it. You could take a year if you need.” His words are so effortless, and he really means it, which pushes your heart further towards a path alongside him.

“I’ll see you soon,” you say, blinking up at him sweetly with a small smile.

He squeezes your hands. “Soon can’t come soon enough.”

You giggle, then stand on your tippy toes to kiss his cheek. “As a goodbye present.” His blushing cheeks at your action serve as a goodbye present for you.

──── ──── ──── ──── ────

Something changed last night. Your mind can’t stray from Soobin for too long, wondering when you’ll see him next, what he’s doing right now, how his day has been. You feel a yearning unlike any kind you’ve felt before. Your girlish heart has become something weak, so prone to go haywire at the slightest thought of him.

More than anything else, you think of calling him yours. You think of how you’d be able to spend the night at his place, cuddling up to him and falling asleep in his arms. You think of how you could stare into his eyes and call him your boyfriend. You could lean in and kiss him whenever you wanted, you could let him call you sweet pet names.

You think you might be ready. You want to be Soobin’s girlfriend.

You’re freaking out, body buzzing as you pace around your room, waiting for Chaewon to pick up the phone.

“Heyyyyy,” her voice greets through the phone, and you finally stop pacing to focus on talking.

“I got huge Soobin news,” you say, getting straight to the point.

“Tell me!!!” she screeches.

“I think I’m gonna ask him to be my boyfriend next time I see him.” That earns you an even higher pitched screech.

“Shut the fuck up, I’m so excited! Oh my god. What happened?”

“I literally just can’t stop thinking about being in a relationship with him. It feels like I’m going through withdrawals whenever I’m not with him. He’s been wanting to put a label on us, but I’ve been pushing it off till now,” you explain.

“I’m so invested in this. You would be the cutest couple ever. I will gladly be your third wheel and take all your cute Instagram photos for you,” she rambles.

“So you think it’s a good idea?” Her approval is important to you, and you’re desperate for her to give you a little more confidence in this.

“Yes, do it. As long as you make me your maid of honor.”

You laugh, so relieved that Chaewon supports you in this. You hope Beomgyu takes it just as well, but of course that’s wishful thinking.

“What’s the right way to ask him? Should I be casual or go all out with some extravagant date night?” you ask.

“Come on, it’s you we’re talking about. Obviously you’re gonna go crazy with it.” You laugh because she’s totally right.

“I’m thinking a hotel by the sea and a rose petal path to the bed. And candles, like so many it’s a fire hazard.”

“Yes, and then those eat me panties,” she adds. You burst out laughing at the idea. “Body oil too probably.”

“Oh, you got the whole vision. You want me to record it for you too?” you tease.

“No need, I’ll be hiding in your suite’s closet.”

“Thrilling. I finally get to help you live out your voyeuristic dreams.”

“Right? It’s a win-win,” she says. “But anyway, how do you think Beomgyu’s gonna react?”

You hum in thought. “I don’t know, but we’ve pretty much gone back to normal over the past few days. He didn’t put up a huge fight when I went to Soobin’s last night.”

“Girl, hold up. You went to Soobin’s place?!”

“Yep.”

She’s quiet for a second. “Did he rock your world?” You smile and roll your eyes.

“We didn’t have sex, I just met his friends. They were very nice, by the way.”

She tsks. “I’m so mad, you missed out on such a perfect opportunity to sex him up.”

“Well, I’ll let you know when that happens.”

“Please do.”

“Anyway,” you say, getting back on track. “I’ll tell Beomgyu when he gets back from work. I don’t think I’ll be able to handle it if he gets all annoying about it. It’s actually pissing me off just imagining it.”

“Doesn’t matter, it’s not his life. You don’t even have to tell him,” Chaewon reasons.

“I mean, he’s my best friend, he should know. You and him are the two people I talk to about everything.”

“Yeah, but at this point you should be more focused on protecting your peace. What Beomgyu doesn’t know won’t hurt him.”

You know that Beomgyu would find out eventually, though, and then he’d be even more mad at you for not saying something sooner. Any peace you’d have would be very temporary and delicate.

Chaewon starts up again, “I honestly think you should tell him after you make things official. That way he can’t stop you from doing it.”

You hold back a groan, not wanting to weigh out the options. “He’ll be so upset if I don’t tell him first,” you say.

“Still. He knows he can make you halt those plans, and I don’t want you getting hurt again.” You frown, but it softens you to hear how much Chaewon cares about your feelings.

“I’ve got a few hours until he comes back to decide,” you say.

“Just know that I’m one hundred percent team ‘don’t tell him’. Up to you, though.”

“I’ll let you know. Anyway, I’m gonna go now. Going to rehearse this conversation in my head.” Chaewon laughs and says her goodbye, then you hang up.

You drop onto your bed with a sigh. You hope Beomgyu can keep being normal about Soobin, and a part of you really thinks he can, but what if he hates you after this? He might decide he doesn’t want anything to do with you if you’re going to be in a relationship with a guy that he hates. (Hates for no reason, but that’s not something you choose to dwell on today.)

Beomgyu should understand why you want a love life. You crave a second half, someone who will mold you into a better person and navigate the rest of your life with you. Soobin can soften your rough edges. He’s got all the patience and goodness of heart that you need in someone. You want to know that a kind of love exists that you have not yet felt, something deeper and more colorful than anything you know. You want Soobin’s eyes to melt you each time you look into them, each time you think of them. Your heart has grown tired of just being a beating thing; it needs to be lit aflame, to burn for someone, to love so hard it doesn’t fear ruin.

Do you need Beomgyu’s permission for that? Is it as if he’s some guard to your heart? No, but the threat of conflict from his disapproval unnerves you. You try thinking of the best way to break the news to him.

Some long-winded explanation where you pour out your heart would probably irritate him most. You’ll have to keep yourself from going off on tangents—the more you say, the more ammunition he has against you. It’s not like you have to defend your decision to him.

If you’re too broad or dismissive about it, he’ll assume you don’t care or you’re hiding something. His accusations peeve you like nothing else, so the more you can avoid that, the better.

Realistically, his reaction doesn’t depend on your wording, for the most part. It depends on how mature he is about you getting a boyfriend. If he can’t handle the idea, then it won’t matter how you break the news, he’ll freak out no matter what. If he can accept that you can have other men in your life, then he won’t give you a hard time about this.

All you can do is hope for the better outcome. You pray that Beomgyu has learned his lesson in maturity by now.

──── ──── ──── ──── ────

When you hear Beomgyu open the door, you rush down the hall to him. You’ve spent all day considering how to have the conversation about Soobin, and you’re excited to just get it over with now. The sooner this weight falls off your shoulders, the better.

“Hiii,” you greet as you watch him take off his coat and shoes.

“Hi. You hungry?” he asks. You shake your head.

“I had lunch an hour ago.” You notice he ordered food somewhere, which he just stuffs in the fridge.

“Do you wanna hang out with me and Yeonjun tomorrow night?” he asks. “We’re gonna watch some band perform at the common.”

“Depends how I feel after work.”

“Alright. You should definitely come though.” You don’t know how to respond to that, so you just don’t. You’ve got a different conversation on your mind anyway.

After a few seconds, Beomgyu starts walking off, but you call his name to stop him before he gets too far. He looks at you expectantly, raising his eyebrows.

“I wanted to talk about something,” you say. He remains still for a second, then carefully takes a few steps closer to you.

“Bad thing or good thing?” he asks.

You hesitate for a second. “Good thing.” You’re feeling nervous again, even though you know you shouldn’t be. Beomgyu’s been fine. He’ll survive if you tell him this.

“You don’t look like it’s a good thing,” he says. He must have caught on to your anxiety. Your fidgeting hands probably gave it away. You hold them behind your back so you stop fiddling with them. You breathe in as deeply as you can without making it too obvious that you’re calming your nerves.

“I just wanted to tell you that I’m going to ask Soobin to be my boyfriend.”

You wait for a reaction. He blinks. Is that a good sign? He’s still breathing, too. Okay, so the news didn’t kill him at least.

“You’re asking him to be your boyfriend?” he repeats, as if he didn’t hear you right the first time.

Fuck, why is your heart pounding so hard? “Yes.”

He sighs and averts his gaze, looking around for a few awkward seconds. You tighten your lips, not really knowing what to do now.

“Your boyfriend?” he asks again.

You give him a curt nod. “Yep.”

You see it flash in his eyes then, something that brings you back to all those times he made your life so difficult. He doesn’t even need to say anything for you to start feeling disappointed, that expression was more than enough.

“I tried backing off, but I just can’t do it anymore. You can’t do this,” he insists. Your head is going to explode. Not this again. Things were going so well.

“Stop. I don’t want to hear it,” you say, but you know he won’t listen.

“I can’t stand it. I hate thinking about how much you like him, how you kiss him, how he’s doing everything I could be doing,” he rambles.

“I’m not hearing this,” you dismiss as you start walking down the hall to your room. You feel Beomgyu’s presence loom behind you. He sure is determined. “Knock it off, Gyu.”

He pushes the door open when you try to close it, stepping in and facing your hard stare. Unsurprisingly, he doesn’t back off. You feel inclined to be stubborn and stand your ground too.

“No, I like you the way you are,” you answer.

“No you don’t. If you did, you wouldn’t need Soobin.” He sounds angry, you must have really bothered him this time. That’s okay. You’ll take this over his pity parties. It’s easier to fight fire with fire.

“I don’t need Soobin, I just like him,” you say.

“Then what’s wrong with me?” he counters. He’s really worked up this time, frustration radiating off of him.

“Nothing! You need to stop with this!” you exclaim. You’ve never had an argument like this with him, fueled by rage and nothing else. There’s no undertones of sadness or attempts to remain calm this time.

“Just tell me you hate me,” he says, stepping closer to you, invading your space. You meet his gaze, unwavering, even if you have to tilt your head up to challenge his stare.

“I don’t fucking hate you.” You cross your arms, not letting your guard down.

“Then prove it,” he says. You wonder if your eyes hold as much fire as his do right now. You refuse to back down. You refuse to lose this. He wants you to prove you don’t hate him? Fine.

You don’t let yourself think about it as you crash your lips onto his. You hold his head still, but it’s not like he was going to run away. He meets your lips with equal amounts passion and frustration. The kiss is nothing friendly or nice—it’s not soft and slow, not sweet, not the dreamlike kiss you’ve been waiting to have with Soobin. This feels less like a kiss and more like war.

You don’t hold yourself back, sucking and biting at his lips carelessly. Your fingers are pulling so hard at his hair that you know it has to hurt, but you don’t care. You hope it does. His hand is on your jaw, keeping you in place so he can lick into your mouth as he pleases.

You hope he tastes your anger on your lips. You hope your tongue feels bitter in his mouth, that it leaves burns in its wake. You hope this kiss will haunt him at night, that he’ll feel you lingering hours later, that he sees your face on his ceiling when he’s trying to fall asleep.

He can never settle for friendship. The simple life could have been so good if he accepted it. You were stupid to think he’d let things go back to normal and stay that way. You hate feeling so dumb. You hate being so easy.

“Is that what you fucking wanted?” you ask as you pull away from the kiss. You wipe your mouth to clear the saliva that collected there. He doesn’t answer, only pulling you in for another kiss, unforgiving and angry. Your teeth clash and he shoves his tongue into your mouth. He tangles his hands into your hair, pushing you deeper into the kiss.

You’ve never felt so angry at him in your life. You try to channel it all into the kiss, using more force than necessary. He should pay for doing this, for getting under your skin yet again.

He growls into your mouth—you guess he’s still angry too. Why should he be? You’re making out with him and no one else. If he wants to complain about that, then he must really be losing his mind.

You walk him backwards until he sits back on your bed, disconnecting your mouths so you can look down at him. His lips are swollen and coated with saliva. He’s hungry—starving—and can’t stand not touching you for even a second, so he grabs your hips and pulls you onto the bed with him.

There goes those walls you built up. There goes those weeks of putting in effort towards you and Soobin. You lose, again. Is this how it will always be with him? Was he playing the long game all along?

He knows you better than anyone. If anyone could figure out a way to set your life off course, it would be Beomgyu.

You have to get even with him. You have to stop taking everything lying down. You stare at him, who looks up at you like he’s waiting for your next move. Fucking prick. You’ll show him.

You shove his pants past his hips and pull his cock out to find him already fully hard. You’re not surprised. Precum oozes from his slit, leaking out on his tip. When you look up to see his face, he’s biting his lip in anticipation.

“Always need to have your fucking way, huh,” you say, squeezing the base of his cock. He throws his head back and moans, thrusting up into your fist. You let go of his dick to push his hips down with angry force. “Don’t you dare move.”

You spit into your hand and jerk his cock quickly, with little care as to how rough you are with him. You squeeze his length like you’re milking him, like you’re trying to get him to burst. If you can embarrass him and have him spilling all over himself in such a short amount of time, you’d feel on top of the world.

He’s thick and hot in your hand, but you don’t let it cloud your mind. You need to put him in his place. He doesn’t deserve a spot in the lustful crevices of your mind right now. This is about balancing the scale.

You keep your stare hard even as he cries and whimpers. You don’t let him see any reaction out of you, because the last thing you want is for him to take control of the situation again. At least like this, you feel like you’re not totally weak for him.

His hips jolt up and he gasps at your ministrations. He grabs onto your wrist, trying to pry you off.

“Behave,” your order, no room for compromise in your voice.

“Baby! Baby, stop, I’m gonna”—his sentence is cut off by a drawn-out moan. It’s like his body can’t decide whether to run away from your hand or rut into it.

“Fucking do it then,” you say through gritted teeth, fucking your fist over him faster. You spit onto his cock to lubricate it even more.

“No, not yet,” he pleads, breathing heavily. It’s cute watching him try to escape the feeling, but you won’t let him. You use your other hand to fondle his balls, and once you do that, he’s a goner. He’s spilling his seed onto your hand with his head thrown back and a loud cry. His hips stutter up into your fist, and his cock twitches in your hand. You feel a bit of a power high from that.

You slow down for only a few seconds before you’re pumping him wildly again. He looks at you with wide, helpless eyes. His body’s jolting with the shocks of overstimulation, and you can’t help but let out a laugh at that.

Beomgyu whimpers your name pathetically. His arms are shaking as they cling onto yours. You don’t relent, merciless as you try to coax another orgasm from him.

“It’s too much!” he cries, and you can even hear the shake in his voice.

“Take what I give you or I’ll leave,” you spit. “Do you want me to leave?”

“No! I can take it.” He pries his arms off you and keeps them at his sides, deciding he wants to be good and listen all of a sudden.

“That’s what I thought.” You twist your hand as it goes down on his length, squeezing harder. Your thumb swipes over his slit when it reaches the head of his cock. “Cum for me, dirty little puppy. Show me how filthy you are.”

As you command it, his orgasm crashes over him immediately. You watch in awe. It’s like he’s trained to follow your words. His hot cum lands on your hand yet again, and you continue jerking him until his high is over. You have to stop yourself from making him cum a third time, too addicted to his little sounds of pleasure.

“Thank you,” Beomgyu says breathlessly. You run your fingers through his hair with your clean hand.

“Looks like the dirty pup is good for something,” you coo condescendingly.

“I am good, let me show you. Sit on my face.” Before you can even respond, he’s already lying down and sticking his tongue out. You furrow your brows at his eagerness and decide to put his mouth to use a different way. Your cum-coated hand meets his tongue, and you let him lave at his mess all over you.

“Hm, guess your tongue is pretty good,” you say mindlessly as you watch him lick all his cum off you. When he finishes cleaning your hand, he sucks two of your fingers past his lips. You smirk and slowly fuck them in and out of his desperate mouth. He swirls his tongue around your digits, then licks up between them. He circles the tip of his tongue on the skin between your two fingers as if it was your clit. You wish it didn’t make your pussy throb.

You pull your fingers out of his mouth and spread them apart, admiring the strand of saliva that forms. You take off your bottoms and panties, and Beomgyu damn near starts panting in excitement.

“Yes, come sit on my face, let me taste your cunt,” he babbles, stars in his eyes. His excitement dies when your saliva-slickened fingers meet your core instead. You make sure he has a great view as you play with your pussy.

“You got me so nice and wet, thank you puppy.” Your voice is sweet, even if your motive is to torture him. You exaggerate your reactions to your touch, moaning extra loud when you circle your clit. Your other hand disappears under your shirt to play with your nipples. You bite your lip as you push your hips up into your hand.

Beomgyu sits up and watches you with a slackened jaw. He starts leaning in between your legs, and you push him away with a foot to his chest.

“Uh-uh, you can’t touch,” you tell him.

“But look! My fingers are longer and thicker than yours,” he says, holding out his hand. You roll your hips up into your hand, remembering the way his fingers felt inside you. You slip two fingers into your cunt to make up for the sudden emptiness you feel.

You fuck yourself with vigor, pistoning your fingers into you, putting on a good show for your best friend. You want him to think you’re not some weak girl who folds for his touch every time. Even though your body yearns for Beomgyu to take care of you, you have to make a point to him.

You get so lost in the feeling of your own fingers that you stop looking at Beomgyu, focusing entirely on the pleasure taking over. That was clearly a mistake, because suddenly you feel two of his fingers entering your pussy alongside your own. You cry out at the sensation, body shaking at the stretch.

It’s hard to move your hand now, but Beomgyu seems to find a way perfectly fine. “B-bad boy,” you scold, but your voice is so shaky that it holds no real bite. When he aims his fingers up, it forces your own to sit snug against your g-spot, resting there as Beomgyu jackhammers into you.

“See? Feels good,” he says. With his other hand, he rubs at your clit viciously, needing to please you more than you can please yourself. “This is so much better, right?”

Your body is buzzing, and you can’t even respond to him. Your mouth hangs open stupidly as he pulls moan after moan from you. A foreign pressure starts building inside of you, more intense than anything you’ve felt before. Your eyes widen and you try to pull your hips away, but Beomgyu’s determined.

“P-puppy, it feels different,” you manage to stutter out. His breath hitches and he connects his mouth to your inner thigh to kiss it. He doesn’t stop his ministrations—if anything, your words encourage him to go even harder.

“You’re gonna squirt for me?” he says with astonishment, and you feel his grin growing against your thigh. It’s blinding, the way the pleasure is consuming you. His hands are wild, working at you without mercy to bring you over the edge. It’s like he needs this more than you.

“I’m—nngh, oh god,” you stammer, body twitching away, but Beomgyu’s so desperate to see you fall apart that he doesn’t let you stray from the feeling for even a second. The pressure snaps and you cry out, legs kicking out as you release all over him. You feel your juices squirting out of you, and if you were in your right mind, you would’ve been embarrassed at how much seems to leak out.

Beomgyu loves it, lapping up what spills onto his wrist and your thighs. You’re shaking uncontrollably, immediately pulling your hand from your center once Beomgyu draws back. You focus more on gathering your breath after that orgasm than on Beomgyu’s tongue licking every inch of your thighs.

You flinch when his tongue finds your pussy, too sensitive to take anymore. You push his head away and sit up, snapping your legs shut. He pouts, but sits up as well.

“Was that good?” he asks, biting down a smile. He leans in like he really wants to know your answer.

You press your palms into your eyes like you’re relieving a headache. Rationality comes back to you, but there’s no point in yelling at him now. You’re the one who shoved your hand down his pants.

“You really don’t want me dating Soobin, huh?” You feel more exhausted than angry now.

“I’ll do so much worse if you make him your boyfriend,” he says.

You blink at him. Is that some kind of threat? “What do you mean?”

“Just don’t be with him and you won’t have to find out.” You don’t have it in you to fight him. If it was this easy for you to fall back on your word and get intimate with Beomgyu again, you might as well hold off on the boyfriend label anyway. Maybe you weren’t as ready as you thought you were.

“You can leave my room now,” you say, leaning your head against your pillow. You’ll probably spend the next hour contemplating everything you’ve been through in the past month. He doesn’t need to be there for that.

“Nah.” He lays down beside you. You inhale slowly, gathering the control to not push him off the mattress.

“Whatever.” You’ll just have your mini crisis with him next to you. It doesn’t even matter.

──── ──── ──── ──── ────

To your surprise, you don’t feel completely miserable the next day. Of course, you go throughout the day feeling awful about ruining your chance to be with Soobin any time soon and angry at yourself for touching Beomgyu again, but besides that you’re feeling normal.

You wish your work day would have lasted a little longer—something you never thought you’d hope for—because when you get home and see Beomgyu on the couch, you’re already feeling annoyed. You were doing so good before yesterday. Seeing him is just a reminder of how much you screwed up.

He seems as giddy as he could ever be when you approach him on the couch. You grab a blanket and curl yourself into his side wordlessly, just wanting his warmth. He accepts it gratefully, throwing an arm over you and getting you comfortable.

You can’t even really feel upset. You’re familiar with this cycle already: Beomgyu will bitch about Soobin to you, you’ll get each other off, you’ll argue some more, then you’ll hang out like nothing happened. You put yourself back in this situation, so you spare yourself the pity.

“I’m so glad we’re back to this. It was killing me to not hold you all those days,” Beomgyu says before pressing a kiss against the crown of your head. “I don’t want you to be upset anymore.”

“I’m not upset,” you say flatly.

“I want you to be happy. I’m really happy now.” You only hum in acknowledgement. You don’t really have anything to say to that.

Some time passes in which you and Beomgyu watch television, except you’re mostly going on your phone and Beomgyu’s halfway to falling asleep. You get a notification from Soobin, making you freeze for a moment.

[Soobin] We should meet up tonight if you’re available :)

Beomgyu reads the text over your shoulder. “You better not say yes.” You flinch and back away from him, clutching your phone to your chest.

“Why not?” you ask.

“Cause you said you’d go with me and Yeonjun to the concert!” he whines.

“I didn’t say I was gonna go with you and Yeonjun,” you counter. The entitlement is crazy.

“I asked you first though. If you feel fine enough to hang out with Soobin, why can’t you hang out with me?” he asks.

“What have we been doing for the past hour?”

“That doesn’t count! We live with each other, we have to hang out at home.”

“Wow, ungrateful. You should thank the universe for each second you get to spend with me, home or not.”

“I do. I can show you how grateful I am too, if you want.” You roll your eyes at his suggestion.

“I think I’m okay,” you say. When you lift your phone back up, Beomgyu takes it from your hand and tosses it gently onto the floor. You watch it land a few feet away from you. You don’t feel like getting up to grab it, so you let the device stay where it is. You settle with insulting him instead, “You suck.”

“I don’t want you to hang out with him tonight,” he complains with a pout. “I want my best friend.”

“Gyu, you’ll live.” What a flair for the dramatics he has.

“Just this once, please,” he begs. “You know you’re going to feel guilty and awkward hanging out with Soobin after what we did yesterday anyway.”

Shit. You hate it when he’s right.

You sigh, “Fine.” You’re enveloped in his embrace immediately, face smushed into his chest as he cheers in victory. “This better be the best band I see perform in my life.”

──── ──── ──── ──── ────

The concert is pretty mediocre. The band consists of some grungy college-aged boys who sing about being depressed and cheating on girls. Not quite your music of choice, but you enjoy your time as much as you can nonetheless.

Beomgyu’s arm stays slumped over your shoulders pretty much the entire time. For warmth reasons, you don’t complain, but it is pretty embarrassing to see Yeonjun looking at the two of you weirdly from time to time. He must be able to sense that something’s off between you.

Beomgyu splits off at some point to buy a water bottle somewhere, and you’re left alone to talk to Yeonjun. He doesn’t even spare you a glance at first, which makes you think he might be having a bad day.

“You like this band?” you ask him, breaking the silence. You’re confused why he glares at you when he finally turns his head your way.

“You like Beomgyu?” he retorts, voice filled with some weird scorn.

“Woah, what?”

“Aren’t you dating Soobin? Why are you letting Beomgyu touch you?”

You have no clue where this is coming from. Beomgyu must have been talking to Yeonjun about the things you two did together. “Did Beomgyu say something to you?”

“Yeah,” Yeonjun says. “He’s been telling me all about how you’re sleeping with him while seeing Soobin.”

That motherfucker. He’s bragging about banging you to other guys? You’re nearly seeing red, but you keep your composure so you don’t look crazy in front of Yeonjun. “Soobin and I aren’t exclusive,” you defend.

Yeonjun gives you a humorless laugh. “Would you be happy if Soobin was fucking other girls right now?”

The thought puts a bitter taste in your mouth. “I wouldn’t like it, but I”—

“Don’t lie. You’d cry your heart out.” Yeonjun levels you with a knowing stare. You meet it, unwavering, but you know he’s right.

“You don’t know the whole story. I tried putting a stop to it,” you say.

“And what? You relapsed like he’s some drug? You need to get real.”

You want to be mad, but what’s the point? You’re getting reality checked, and it burns, but maybe Yeonjun’s right.

“Beomgyu puts up a fight every time I talk about Soobin. He won’t let me be.” You feel defensive, like you have to prove you’re not totally at fault.

“So you let him down easy with some pussy?” he asks with sizable disappointment in his voice. God, this is embarrassing.

“You don’t get it.” It’s not like you didn’t say no to him before. You tried removing yourself from the room, you tried telling him this can’t happen, you tried everything except leaving him. It doesn’t work.

“I don’t have to get it. You should do better.” The conversation ends at that, his words left to linger in your mind.

You stand silently beside Yeonjun and stare blankly at the band on the stage. Time has got to move a little faster. You pray Beomgyu doesn’t take much longer getting back.

When he does come back, you don’t let him cling to you like a magnet. He looks at you a little weird for rejecting his arm around you, but he doesn’t say anything until you get in his car.

“Are you okay? You seem kinda pissed.” His question only serves to irritate you further.

“You told Yeonjun that we sleep with each other?” You don’t hide the anger from your voice. He looks at you with wide eyes. Clearly he knows he fucked up. “I never once let you put your dick in me.”

Beomgyu breathes out slowly, then pouts his lips and taps awkwardly on the steering wheel. You allow him his minute of shameful silence before starting up again, “Do you just not respect me? I doubt you told him what exactly led to this.”

He still doesn’t look at you. He can try all the cute, pitiful tactics he wants, you’re not falling for it this time.

“I’m sorry,” he mutters, head down like he’s hating his life right now. Good, you hope he is.

“If you’re really sorry then you’ll stop doing anything more than platonic with me.” He looks at you with upturned brows and scared eyes. It’s as if you spoke his worst fear into reality.

“No, I’ll tell Yeonjun I lied, I promise,” he pleads.

“Why? You didn’t lie. I’m just some whore you get to brag about, right?”

“No! I lied, I was wrong, I should have never opened my mouth to Yeonjun. I’m stupid.” Ugh, you can’t take his self-pity.

“We’re never crossing that line again. I was stupid. I’m actually glad Yeonjun gave me that reality check.”

“I’m sorry. We don’t have to stop, I’ll just shut my mouth about it now,” he says.

“I don’t want to risk ruining everything anymore.” He has nothing to say to that. It’s eerily quiet for a moment. “Can you bring us home now?”

He puts the car in drive. The ride is silent the whole way home.

──── ──── ──── ──── ────

The longest week of your life passes by, in which you barely hang out with Beomgyu, barely see Soobin, and barely talk to anyone. You consider it to be a reset week for you, trying to detach yourself from everyone else to focus on finding out what you want. With so many complicated relationships in your life, you need plenty of time to think this through.

You spend a lot of nights considering what exactly you want from Beomgyu and Soobin. You weigh all your thoughts out and philosophize them, waiting for something to click and show you all the answers. What you learn instead is that no amount of contemplation is going to clear things up for you completely.

When looking at it honestly, your life has been a mess of ups and downs since meeting Soobin. It’s not his fault at all—actually, when you try to pin the blame on someone, the dart lands like a bullseye on your own face. And it’s not that Soobin is a bad influence on your life, making you do all these stupid things; instead, it’s that you have no willpower when it comes to Beomgyu.

So, do you end things with Soobin? You rack your brain for a smart answer, but it’s hard to even think anything after forming that sentence. A pit of emptiness forms in your chest instead, and avoiding that uncomfortable feeling is within your own self-interest.

You itch to call Chaewon more times than you can count, but you don’t let yourself give in. You want this to be something you tackle without the influence of anyone else. You already know how Chaewon would tell you to solve this, anyway.

A couple nights throughout the week, Beomgyu has knocked on your door, and neither time did you let him in. Out of everyone you know, he has the biggest influence on you. Your rational mind is thrown out the window when it comes to him. You don’t think that’s something you can stop or control.

He texts you and makes sure you’re okay, which you’re grateful for. You still eat dinner with him, and you even let yourself indulge in one movie night, but you’re trying to keep your distance so you can keep your head clear.

You’re at a mental standstill, looking down a multitude of paths that have no clear end. You could move in with Chaewon and make Soobin your boyfriend. You could end things with Soobin and see if you can go back to normal with Beomgyu. You could do nothing and give up your hand in this game.

You feel like you’re finding a new law of arithmetic trying to decide what to do next. You’re not the thinking type—clearly, as if the past couple months haven’t been proof enough—so you earn no insight and all headache from this.

Go you, trying to be independent and figure out your life on your own. Look where that got you, huddled up in your bedroom and even more depressed than before. You need a drink.

Matter of fact—

Wanna go to a bar?

You don’t even have to wait a minute for Chaewon’s response. ‘Bar’ to her is exactly what ‘squirrel’ is to dogs.

[Chaewon] You already know my answer. I’m getting ready right nowwww

No boy talk or I’m ending my shit in front of you

You need one night to just let loose and stop thinking. You’ve had enough of deliberating upon the men in your life this week.

[Chaewon] Oh you need those drinks bad

[Chaewon] Okay noted

──── ──── ──── ──── ────

You don’t expect to be interrogated as soon as you open the door to your apartment the next morning, but Beomgyu’s insistent prying serves as a lovely pairing with your massive hangover.

“Where were you last night?” he asks before you can even open the door all the way. You’re too busy adjusting to how bright the room is to process his question at first. You squint to save your eyeballs as much as you can. You walk right into Beomgyu when you try to properly enter the room. He holds your waist to steady your balance. “Are you drunk?” he asks.

You shake your head and instantly regret it, since it makes it feel like your brain is sloshing around inside your skull. “Hungover.”

“You didn’t tell me you were going out,” he says. He doesn’t sound mad or accusatory, but it still irritates you because you don’t want to deal with this right now.

“Didn’t realize I had to.”

“You always do when you go out drinking,” he reasons.

You sigh, “Yeah, well, I didn’t this time.”

He scrunches your brows as he takes in your tone. “Are you mad at me or something?”

You rub your eyes. You need to bury your head under your pillow, this light is killing you, and this conversation needs to be over with. “I’m not mad at you.”

He’s quiet for a second. “I feel like you are.”

“Okay. Have fun feeling like that.” You open one of the cabinets to look for some medicine.

“See? You’re talking to me like you’re mad at me. What did I do?” All your patience leaves you at that. You don’t want to be doing this right now.

You place the pill bottle onto the counter with more force than necessary and turn around abruptly to face Beomgyu. “I’m hungover. I don’t want to talk. Take a hint.”

He blinks at you stupidly, and it just annoys you more. You scoff and turn your attention back to the medicine.

“Were you with Soobin?” he asks, breaking the ten seconds of peace and quiet he allowed you.

You groan. “Does it matter? I could have fucked Soobin last night and it still wouldn’t be any of your concern.”

“Did you fuck Soobin last night?” he asks urgently now that you planted the thought in his head. You swallow your pills in place of answering him. He holds onto your arm to stop you from leaving when you try to walk past him. “Did you??”

“What if I did? Do you think you have any right to tell me anything about it?” You didn’t, obviously, but at this point you’ll say anything to get him to stop talking.

His jaw clenches and he tightens his lips, but you don’t give a damn what displays of anger he gives you. He could pull his arm back and get ready to punch you and you still wouldn’t waver. You raise your eyebrows, waiting for his answer.

“I just—I don’t get—You’re not even…” He sure is having trouble finding his words. Some defense he’s got built up.

“Interesting.” You turn, ready to storm off to your room, but he stops you once again.

His hands stay clung to your shoulders, not even blinking as he turns you back toward him. “Please just tell me who you went out with.” He almost reeks of desperation.

You’re annoyed and you don’t owe him shit, so you don’t open your mouth to give him a response. You shrug with a straight face.

He whines and leans his head down onto your shoulder like you’ve just stabbed him in the gut. You roll your eyes. He always has to be the victim. You might just trudge to your room with him clinging onto you if he doesn’t give this up. You’ll get to your bed one way or another.

“What did I do? I’m so sorry. Why are you so mad at me?” he says, voice breaking like he’s holding back tears. He nuzzles further into your shoulder.

“Gyu, I swear, I’m just tired and my head hurts. You had nothing to do with this until five minutes ago. So please get off of me.” You push against him to try to pry him away, but he locks his arms around you. You sigh deeply, accepting his embrace because it’s not like you can run from it. You wait until enough time has passed where it’s safe for you to pull away without him freaking out.

“So you’re not mad at me?” he asks, giving you those sweet puppy eyes that you’d melt over any other time. Unfortunately, you’re still pissy and in need of rest, so you don’t coddle Beomgyu like you know he wants you to.

“No.” His lips tilt up just slightly at that. He wipes his eyes dramatically.

“Can I lay down with you then?” he asks, eyes carrying all his hope.

You shouldn’t, but you don’t want to deal with his moping if you don’t let him. “If you stay quiet and keep your distance.”

You’re already walking to your room when you hear him start complaining, “Keep my distance!?” You don’t stop to respond. Now that you have your sight on your bed, nothing could stop you from getting wrapped up in your blankets.

You fall against the mattress with a groan, smushing your head into your pillow. You register the bed dip next to you with Beomgyu’s weight, and you’re half-surprised that he allows you a respectable amount of space. A good five minutes pass in which you nearly fall asleep just listening to yours and Beomgyu’s breathing. Silence is always fleeting with Beomgyu, though, and it’s not long until he has to break it.

“I’m sorry, I can’t stop thinking about this. Did you seriously… sleep with Soobin?” Beomgyu asks in a quiet voice, words coming out hesitantly like he’s almost scared to ask.

You sigh, turning your head so you’re facing him instead of being buried in a pillow. You blink slowly, still wanting to fall asleep. He’s pouting and looks like he feels bad for even asking. Luckily for him, most of your annoyance evaporated from you the moment you laid down.

“No, I didn’t. It was just me and Chaewon,” you answer. You let your eyes flutter shut again, assuming the conversation would be over now.

Nope. “Why didn’t you tell me that earlier then?” You contemplate pretending to be asleep so that you don’t have to respond anymore, but you feel his arm wrap around your waist and you have to shove it off. There goes that idea. “And why can’t I hold you anymore?” he asks.

“Because of what we talked about after the concert.” Your eyes are still closed, but you bet he does something sassy in response like roll his eyes or curl his lips down.

“Well I think that’s stupid,” he says. You open your eyes to make sure he sees it when you scowl at him.

“You’re free to leave my room if you don’t want to respect my rules.”

“Putting rules on our friendship is so ridiculous,” he argues. “We have literally always been touchy with each other. Soobin can go cry about it if he thinks there’s a problem with that. Why should we change for him?”

“It’s me who’s putting these rules down, he never told me to do anything. It’s not just because of him, either.” Your head threatens to start pounding again.

“What else would it be for?”

“Us? Do you not worry that we’ll go too far and never be able to go back?” you ask incredulously, like the reasoning should be obvious. He must not fear losing this friendship the way you do.

“No, because I know nothing could break the bond between us.”

“Hooking up does. Don’t you see how much we’ve changed already? For the worse?” He’d be blind to deny that much.

“Hooking up didn’t change us, Soobin did,” he counters. He’s not holding anything back, overflowing with audacity today.

“I would have told you to stop with or without Soobin in my life.” Because you actually care about preserving your friendship. You know that a lifetime of shared memories is better than twenty minutes of sexual gratification.

“And you think this time will be any different from the last hundred times? You keep saying this is going to end, and then it doesn’t.”

“But I mean it this time,” you say with full confidence.

“You say that every time.”

“Then how about you make it easier for me and stop trying to get with me? It might make things easier if you actually fucking respected it when I try to lay down boundaries.”

“Or you can just say no to me, unless I’m that irresistible,” he snides. Is he serious? Does he think you’ve never tried to say no?

“Fuck you.” You turn away from him, done with this conversation. He doesn’t leave your bed, but he does keep his distance. Either he’s pissed off now too, or you’ve finally convinced him to respect you. Your bet’s on the former.

──── ──── ──── ──── ────

You’re getting ready to go out, wanting to spend your Sunday with Soobin. You haven’t seen him in a while, and you feel like you need this to clarify things for yourself. You aren’t supposed to meet him until later today, but you’re planning on running some errands first, and you might as well get ready now so you don’t have to rush to do it later.

The sounds of you roaming around your room seem to beckon Beomgyu over. He walks up to you with a soft smile on his face. “Heading out?” he asks.

“I am,” you confirm. You stop struggling with the necklace you were trying to put on and hand it to Beomgyu instead. You might as well make use of his presence. “Can you put this on for me?” You pull your hair off your neck to make it easier for him.

He’s able to secure the clasp much faster than you. He pats your shoulder when you’re all set, and you put your hair back down.

He’s quiet for a few seconds before he speaks up again, “I’m sorry for arguing with you yesterday.” He looks bashful as the apology rolls off his tongue.

You weren’t expecting that. You guys don’t really apologize to each other over small arguments, you just move on. You turn to face him so he can see your honesty. “It’s okay. I’m sorry I snapped at you.”

He laughs. “I deserved it.”

You shake your head. “No you didn’t.”

You two smile at each other, and it’s times like this where life feels a little simpler. It’s surreal that you share your own little section of the world together, and that you still get to have these bonding moments years after meeting.

“I’m glad that I have you in my life,” you say. “Even when I’m hungover and annoyed at you.”

His response comes in the form of a giggle and a squeeze of your hand. You allow it, letting him be sentimental.

“Okay, I need to continue with my makeup now,” you say, pulling away to rummage through your products and find your eyelash curler. Beomgyu lingers behind you, just watching.

“This skirt is really cute,” Beomgyu says, pinching the fabric of it.

“Thanks, I thrifted it.” He hums and nods in response. A minute passes in which he silently observes you.

“You doll yourself up a lot when you go out with Soobin.” You slowly turn to face him, not understanding the point of his statement.

“Is that a problem?” you ask. You didn’t even tell him you were going out with Soobin.

“No. You look good.” You hum and pull out mascara from your vanity’s drawer. You lean forward as you apply it to your lashes, trying your best to ignore Beomgyu’s stare.

A part of you is admittedly confused that Beomgyu isn’t trying to stop you from leaving or fighting with you about seeing Soobin. Just now, he was actually the most collected you’ve ever seen him be when it comes to Soobin. You don’t want to jinx it, so you try to shift your thoughts somewhere else.

You and Soobin are going to the vintage market later, since you found out that you both share a love for vintage things. (For him, it’s old gaming systems and figurines, and for you, it’s clothes and home decor.) You’re thinking about trying to convince him to get dinner with you too, but that might be pushing your luck. You know he had some errands to run today too.

“Those are nice,” Beomgyu says. You don’t know what he means until you see in the mirror where he’s looking. You widen your eyes and straighten your posture immediately. Bent over the vanity like that, your panties were on full display under your skirt. And to think you were sharing a sentimental moment just a few minutes ago!

You scowl at him. “Thanks for staring, creep.” You shove your mascara back in the drawer.

“I’m sure Soobin would love them,” he says. You pause as you register his words. You’re not sure what his goal is, or why he suddenly switched up so much. You decide it’s best to not add fuel to the fire and just keep your mouth closed.

Beomgyu’s all fire though, and needs no fuel to keep going. “Your makeup’s really pretty too. You look like an angel.”

“What are you trying to do?” you ask, voice full of suspicion. Even in his tone, you can hear his ulterior motives.

He comes closer to you with a grin, leaning his head on your shoulder and locking eyes with you in the mirror. He wraps his arms around your waist, and you feel a bit overwhelmed by his presence.

“I know you worked so hard getting pretty, but I don’t really think you should go out today… It’s windy, and you’ll be so, so cold in this…” He slowly pulls the thin strap of your top off your shoulder until it falls limp around your arm. His finger lightly traces the skin he revealed.

You’re not so curious what Beomgyu’s intentions are anymore. They’re pretty easy to guess now. “I’ll be fine,” you say.

He pouts, continuing to trace little swirls onto your skin. “You’ll get sick,” he adds.

“That’s not what you actually care about,” you say.

“I do though.” He places a kiss on your neck as if to show his earnestness.

“Beomgyu—no, this is too much.” You try pushing him off, but it’s as if he doesn’t feel your efforts at all. You give up after the second attempt.

“You should stay home with me so I don’t have to worry about you all day.” He stares at your side profile and brushes your hair back. He places another tender kiss on your neck, higher up this time. You try to fight any heat rising in your body from the action.

“Stop this,” you say, but it doesn’t sound so confident with how your voice shakes. You turn your head to look him in the eye. He just smiles up at you from where his head still leans on your shoulder. You hold back a gasp when his finger stops tracing lines on your skin and hooks under your bra strap instead, just barely starting to pull that aside too.

You’re so flustered by his finger slowly inching your bra strap down that you barely notice when his lips are back on your neck, attached to your pulse point like your heartbeat was calling for him.

“Y-you told me I could say no to you,” you remind him as his lips continue their slow descent down your neck.

“Yeah, if you actually meant it.” He places one last kiss to your skin, then props his head back on your shoulder to look into your eyes through the mirror. He smiles as if he likes what he finds; you must look as confused and malleable as you feel.

“You lied,” you say quietly, as if it’s a revelation to yourself and not a response to him.

“I didn’t. I’m just obsessed with pleasing you.” He runs his hands down your sides soothingly, then prompts you to bend with a gentle hand on your back.

“Beomgyu!” you squeak, fighting against the hand that beckons you down. You hold on tight to the edge of the vanity to keep your body up.

“Stop thinking. Let me take care of you.” His voice is so soft and coaxing, and you feel a sizable sense of shame hit you when arousal oozes from your cunt. An even greater amount of shame finds you when your arms shake and eventually give, letting Beomgyu ease you down until you’re bent over the vanity.

“We really can’t do this.” It might be too late to keep fighting, but you don’t want to suffer the consequences of this all over again.

“Shhh, baby,” he whispers as his hand travels down your back and settles on your hip, massaging the area.

Oh god. This is so bad. You’re supposed to be hanging out with Soobin in a few hours. You can’t do this right now.

“Gyu”—

“It’s okay,” he soothes. “Stop shaking, why are you so nervous?”

“I’m supposed to see Soobin today!” you squeak. He tsks.

“Didn’t I tell you to stop thinking?” A warm hand trails up your thigh. He doesn’t go under your skirt, he stays well enough away from your center, but something about his touch is still making your head spin. No one can make you lose reasonability like Beomgyu can.

You whine, and you don’t know if it’s out of defeat or out of need. You blink a tear from your eyes and follow Beomgyu’s advice: you stop thinking.

“Gyu…” You don’t even know what you’re calling him for. You hide your face in your arms so you don’t have to watch your reflection give up her fight.

“Yes, baby?” Your hips push out in search for his touch before you can stop yourself. Tears of shame pool in your eyes, and you're glad Beomgyu can’t see your face to coddle you for that. “You need something?”

You don’t respond. It’s embarrassing how bad you need his touch, but you can’t bring yourself to say it out loud. A part of you wishes he’d leave you here like this so you could take care of your needs yourself.

He flips your skirt up with a careful hand, and you keep as still as possible. You try not to even breathe too hard. “You’re wet,” he says. “Want me to help you?”

What’s the point of asking? He went this far already. “No,” you say, and half of the reason is just to test if he’ll do it anyway.

“But you need me,” he says, brushing your hair out of your face and turning your head to him with his fingers on your chin. He looks at you like you’re a deer caught in a bear trap, like he’s being merciful to offer his help. You feel powerless when he looks at you like that.

His pitiful stare just makes you blink more tears out of your eyes, and you’d hide your face if you could, but he insists on keeping your head tilted towards him. He coos when the wet trails reach your cheeks, bringing a thumb up to wipe your tears.

“Do you wanna feel better?” he asks, continuing to spoil you with tender touches. He grabs your hand and lifts it to his lips to kiss your knuckles. You feel every bit the deer caught in the trap—Beomgyu’s got you in his claws now.

“I don’t know,” you say, pouting up at him.

“It’s okay. I’ll help you. Just tell me when to stop…” The light press of his fingertip against your clothed core makes you sigh, tension melting from your body. You close your eyes, shutting off your brain and relaxing into the feeling.

“That’s right, it feels so good, doesn’t it?” He circles your clit, keeping his touch feather-light. Even that much drives you crazy and makes your legs tremble. “Can I take these off?” His finger moves from your clit to hook beneath the hem of your panties.

“Please,” you say. He kisses your shoulder blade in appreciation.

“What nice manners.” Your panties are slowly peeled off of you until they hit the floor. The cold air hits your wet folds, making you shiver in anticipation.

“Fuck,” Beomgyu utters as he stares at your pussy. He brings a hand down and starts rubbing your clit, leaving you a gasping and mewling mess already. “I missed this cunt. God, you haunted me. You tortured me.”

He attaches his mouth to your neck, kissing down to your shoulder. You cry out when his tongue meets your skin, licking and nipping at whatever skin he has access to. You clench around nothing, making more arousal drip out of you. Beomgyu coats his fingers in the slickness and continues drawing tight circles onto your clit.

“Beomgyu!” you yelp out when he speeds up. He places a parting peck onto your jaw before leaning away to look at your face. He smiles down at you.

“You need something inside that wet little cunt? Are you aching for my fingers?” His words make you feel lightheaded. You’re already having trouble thinking clearly, but now with that thought in your mind, you’re a goner.

“Yes, I need you!” He’s quick to give you what you want, sinking two fingers in with ease. You’re left crying and panting as he fucks his digits into you, filthy sounds filling the room.

“You’re so hot,” he praises, pulling your head up with his fist in your hair. You’re forced to stare at your own reflection, met with an image of you that looks so unfamiliar. Your mouth is hung open, spilling out moans and cries as Beomgyu’s fingers continue ramming into you. Your makeup is smudged and no longer suitable to go out in. The strap of your shirt and bra still hangs limp on your arm, and that side of your neck is coated in Beomgyu’s saliva.

“I look like a slut,” you say, pouting only for a second before your mouth is forced open again around a whine.

“You look beautiful.” His fingers curl into you, searching for the spot that will have your eyes rolling back. Your legs tremble when he finds it, and you have to rebalance yourself, clutching onto the vanity to keep yourself up.

“There! Oh, god, Gyu!” His mouth is back on your throat, hot and wet as he sucks and tastes and kisses. He nibbles on your jaw, then moves up to breathe into your ear.

“Let me fuck you, let me fill you up,” he whispers. You clench around his fingers at the thought. He stills inside you and you whine. “Baby.” He holds your face so you’ll look at him. He presses a quick kiss to your lips. You’re too far gone to complain. “You need more, right? You need my dick inside you?”

He curls his fingers inside you once more, and your back arches at the sensation. You try not to get too heady at the idea of him splitting you with his cock. That’s the one thing that absolutely cannot happen, so you can’t let yourself give in to that.

“Tell me, or else you won’t cum at all,” he says, rubbing his fingers inside you so perfectly it leaves your legs shaking.

“No, please!” you exclaim, panicked at the prospect of him leaving you on the edge. Your frantic hands are quick to play with your clit and squeeze your tits, trying to get yourself off while his fingers are still inside of you.

“Are you gonna let me fuck you today?” he asks, moving his fingers slower so you won’t cum. You pout and push your hips toward him, but a strong hand of his retaliates and keeps you still.

“We can’t,” you say. Immediately, he pulls his fingers out of you. He slaps your pussy, making you yelp and shut your legs. He pries them back open and slaps you again, harder this time. His fingers collect your wetness and tease your entrance, but never slip back inside.

“Did my slut already give it up to Soobin? Because that would really piss me off,” he says, staring meanly at you as he waits for your answer.

“No! We never did anything together,” you answer, the truth leaving you easily when you’re so desperate for his touch. He huffs out a laugh.

“That’s right. You know you’re mine.” He’s so pleased that he decides to relieve some of your need, rubbing your clit. “No one else would be able to touch you like me. Tell me how I ruined you for any other man,” he prompts.

He pulls his fingers off of you and pushes his pants down, whipping his dick out and stroking it as he looks down at you. He taps your clit with the head of his cock and bites back a grin when you mewl at the action. He thrusts against your pussy, letting his length slide between your folds.

You have to cling onto reality and keep yourself from slipping into a brainless haze. It’s hard to do when his cock feels so girthy and hot against you. He would stretch you so nicely. Your cunt oozes at the thought.

“Say it,” Beomgyu demands, grabbing your face again so you’ll make eye contact with him. He leans over your body to do so, and you feel completely surrounded by him. His stare is hard and demanding. Your eyes bug out when you feel him press his tip against your entrance, pushing with just the slightest bit of pressure, but not quite sliding in. “Say it or I’ll fuck the words out of you.”

That scares you into compliance. “You ruined me for anyone else! Only you can make me cum! I only want your cock!” you chant thoughtlessly.

He laughs and smooths his hands down your body, resting them on your waist. “Good girl. Was that so hard?” He’s so condescending, but it makes you drip like crazy. He goes back to thrusting against your pussy, making you sigh in relief.

Beomgyu runs a hand under your shirt, squeezing your tits. Your back arches when he twists and pulls at your nipples while continuing to slide his cock through your folds. He takes his dick and starts swiping his tip over your clit rapidly, watching you spasm at the sensation with a grin. Your hole continues to flutter, aching to be stuffed with his cock. Unfortunately, Beomgyu takes notice of that.

“You need that hole filled, baby? Need to be nice and stretched?” He brings his tip back to your entrance. He circles around it teasingly, making you whine. You can’t let him fuck you. You need to keep at least that much from him.

“Don’t,” you plead, getting more antsy the longer he stays at your entrance.

“Don’t?” he repeats, but doesn’t move away.

“Please don’t!” you cry, unwilling to let him go that far. He finally relents.

“Then you’ll cum like this,” he huffs and goes back to stimulating your clit with the head of his cock. You moan out, pushing your hips down to feel him pressed against you more. Your mouth is dropped open in pleasure, eyes shutting as you focus on the feeling. Your legs shake and try to close, but Beomgyu urges them back open with his hand on your thigh.

You can’t form any coherent sentences, stuttering out a garbled mess of words that tells Beomgyu you’re right there. “Let go, baby, be good and cum for me,” he says, and your body obeys. You spasm everywhere as your orgasm takes over, breathing out in sweet relief. He’s moaning behind you, movements getting shakier as his release finds him.

Beomgyu pulls away so his cum lands on your ass, but his fingers play with your pussy to help you come down. Your legs clamp shut when it gets too much, and he takes that as a sign to stop. The sound of you and Beomgyu panting fills the room as you recover from your highs.

“Fuck, I wish I could take a picture of this,” Beomgyu says, staring at your ass painted with his seed. You can’t even think of a smart reply to that, still trying to get your breathing back to normal.

Beomgyu takes off his shirt to wipe you down with it. You’re glad he still has the mind to take care of you. You cringe when you feel him try to put your soiled panties back onto you. “Stop, I’ll just get a new pair,” you say, kicking his hands away.

You stand up and stretch, trying to avoid looking at your reflection as much as possible. You grab your phone to check the time. What catches your sight instead is a text notification from Soobin, and suddenly you feel sick. Beomgyu smirks when his eyes land on your screen. “You still going out with him today?”

You almost feel like you could cry. Was this his plan all along? You put your phone back down, unable to stand the guilt.

He wins again. “No, I’m not.”

──── ──── ──── ──── ────

Your life recently has just been a continuous cycle of proving that you can, indeed, stoop even lower. You’re so confused how you even got to this point. Your fairytale relationship was lined up for you, it was supposed to be easy to stop whatever you’re doing with Beomgyu and make Soobin your boyfriend.

Things are more complicated and confusing than ever, a precedent you continuously find yourself in. You can’t grow accustomed to this. You’ll go crazy before you ever figure out why Beomgyu won’t quit. What is the root of his insecurity? Why is he so threatened by the idea of you having a boyfriend? You’ve already told him you won’t leave him.

When you notice that Beomgyu’s not home when you get back from work, you decide to invite Chaewon over to keep you company. You don’t feel like being alone with your thoughts right now.

She’s there in a heartbeat, and the two of you are quick to settle on the couch and watch a bit of the show she’s currently binging. You’re only half an episode in when you stop paying attention and start talking to Chaewon about life instead. It doesn’t take long for Chaewon to land on the million dollar question.

“Alright, this has been killing me since we went to the bar. What happened with Soobin?” Chaewon asks.

You want to punch yourself. This is so embarrassing. “Well…”

“I swear, if you…” she starts, and you know what she’s thinking.

“I did.” You get a hard smack on the arm for that. You deserved it, honestly.

“You fucked Beomgyu?!”

“He didn’t stick it in, but we did basically everything else,” you admit.

“Why?” she asks. “Everything was going so well.”

“I don’t know. Because I’m stupid. I tried to say no, but you know him.”

She looks a little horrified to hear that. “What?”

You scramble to explain, not wanting her to get the wrong idea, “I mean, like, I gave in and let myself enjoy it because he wasn’t stopping anyway.”

“Do you even know how concerning that sounds?” Chaewon asks, looking genuinely worried for you. “Seriously, are you okay?” She runs a hand down your arm to comfort you.

“I’m okay. Thank you.” Her eyes have lost all their hardness and accusation, and she looks at you with only pity now.

“How’d this happen? Give me the timeline,” Chaewon says, and you sigh as you try to recollect the whole story.

“I actually initiated it the first time we hooked up again,” you explain with a sense of shame. “I was angry, and he kept insisting that I hate him, so I kissed him. Then it went further.”

“I hate him,” Chaewon says with a bitter laugh. You frown, so she continues, “I do. I can’t stand him anymore. He knew he was cornering you when he said that shit.”

“Well, it worked. It keeps working. I tried again to stop after that, which is when he told me I should just say no and”—

“What the hell?” Chaewon interrupts, appalled. “As if you haven’t been saying no in a million different ways!”

“Yeah, I don’t know.” You shake your head and shrug defeatedly. “So the next time he tries to initiate something, I say no, and he doesn’t listen because he said he could tell I didn’t mean it.”

Chaewon’s jaw is dropped open. It takes a few seconds for her to get a response out. “I really hate him. I’m fuming for you.”

“Well, I didn’t tell him to stop once he really started touching me. I don’t know why. He told me to tell him when to stop, and I just… didn’t.”

“He needs to get it together. You need to give him an ultimatum.” The drastic measures make your heart pound. Beomgyu would lose it.

“I can’t,” you say. “Even if I did, he’d find a way around it again.”

“Stop giving him so much power over you. You need to detox yourself clean of him.” She says that like he’s some bacteria you can just flush out. He’s more like a parasite taking control of your whole being.

“But I live with him,” you reason.

“Then stay at mine. As long as you’re here with him, he’s going to keep doing this. He’s been messing with your head and ruining your life on purpose. It’s such bullshit. He’ll never take no for an answer,” Chaewon spits.

“What the hell are you guys talking about?” You snap your head over to where the voice came from. Fuck. Beomgyu came home.

Your heart stops. You hold your breath, staring at him with wide eyes. What do you say? There’s no excuse that could get you out of this situation.

Chaewon on the other hand doesn’t seem scared at all—she seems furious. “You,” she answers, unphased at his attempt to intimidate her.

She rises from the couch and approaches him with quick footsteps. You get scared for a second that she might hit him, so you follow her quickly. She stops in front of Beomgyu, and you stand back, observing the scene with your nerves on edge. Beomgyu doesn’t back down, staring daggers into her.

“Beomgyu, you are the most disgusting excuse for a friend in the world,” Chaewon snaps. She pokes a finger against his chest to make her point. “I can only pray that karma gets you one day and makes you see what a piece of shit you are.”

Beomgyu looks at you while pointing at Chaewon. “You’re just gonna let her talk to me like this? Did you even tell her the full story?”

You see red at his accusation. “I told her everything, matter of fact.”

“Yeah? Then she should know that you’re just as much to blame as I am,” he says, walking away from Chaewon and towards you. “I can’t believe you’ve been shit-talking me with your friends for things you chose to do with me.”

Chaewon chimes in, “How much of a choice does she have if you’re bugging her nonstop until she gives in? Crying, fighting, begging. If you were fucking normal she’d already be with Soobin by now.”

Beomgyu doesn’t turn to look at Chaewon as she speaks, so his face is still close to yours as he takes in her words. He doesn’t look remorseful at all. He just looks pissed.

“You can leave, Chaewon,” he says, voice dripping with venom. He looks you in the eye even as he says that. It sends a chill down your spine.

Chaewon grabs your wrist and pulls you a few steps away from Beomgyu. “Come sleep at mine tonight,” she urges you. “You don’t deserve to hear whatever shit he’s gonna put you through.”

“Fuck that,” Beomgyu says. “Get out of my house.” He points to the door. You’re shocked at the slight raise in his voice. He’s never done that before.

Chaewon looks at you, waiting for you to say something. You feel like the smallest person alive because you can’t bring yourself to accept her offer. It would only strain your relationship with Beomgyu more.

“Don’t be mad at me, Chaewon,” you plead, even though that’s probably too much to ask for. But she’s Chaewon, and she carries all the understanding she’s ever had, so she doesn’t get mad at all.

She squeezes your hand. “Be smart,” she says, then wraps her arms around you for a tight hug. “Text me if you need anything,” she whispers in your ear.

“I’m sorry,” you whisper in hers. She pulls away and pats your hair down, looking sympathetic.

“I’ll see you soon,” she says, heading towards the door.

“See you.” You can’t bring yourself to sound happy or excited as you watch her leave. It feels like your life force has been drained out of you, and yet you’re nowhere near done with the arguments tonight. You turn to Beomgyu, already expecting it.

“Please don’t listen to her,” he says. You blink up at him, confused. He’s not going to get mad at you? “I don’t know what she’s telling you, but don’t listen to it.”

You don’t have it in you to fight him right now. “I just chose you again, Beomgyu, even if I shouldn’t have. That should tell you everything.” It’s the last thing you say before heading off to your room. You don’t think your pout leaves your face all night.

Time and time again, you prove you can’t change. You can’t prioritize anything over Beomgyu, not even yourself. It’s pathetic. You’re pathetic.

You want to believe you can grow as a person, but it’s so impossible when Beomgyu insists on bringing you back to square one every chance he gets. Chaewon’s offer rings in your head, telling you there is a way out. You could stay with her and leave behind all the mess that comes with being here.

Your eyes water. If only you weren’t so weak. You can’t imagine how that life would be better than one with Beomgyu in it. You can’t abandon him; for both his sake and your own, it’s better if you stay. You just have to get used to this being your new life.

──── ──── ──── ──── ────

You end up spending most of your free time cooped up in his room. It’s better than being alone—your thoughts might send you spiraling if you’re left to deal with them on your own. If making you codependent was Beomgyu’s goal, it looks like he’s succeeding.

You let Beomgyu hold you in his bed, you let him wipe the tears off your face, you let him comfort you with peppered kisses all over your skin and honey coated words whispered into your ear. You let him do whatever he wants because it’s better than fighting with him and breaking yourself down even more.

You open your phone to see you’ve got a text from Soobin.

[Soobin] Are you free today?

Well, technically you are…

You look over at Beomgyu, still caught up in his game. You think of spending time with Soobin, lounging in some restaurant or walking across the city. It’s nice, but any of that niceness is crushed when you think of telling Beomgyu that you’re going out with Soobin. You think of his petty arguments, of the tricks he has up his sleeve, of all the right words he knows just when to say to keep things going his way. You’ve had such a shit week that you just don’t feel like ruining your weekend like that.

You send your response.

I’m not :(

You shut off your phone and lay it against your chest. You feel like you’re becoming an awful person. A few minutes later, Beomgyu cheers and claps at his screen, pushing his chair out a bit and looking back at you.

“Come look at this,” he says. You wrap a blanket around yourself as you trudge over to his desk. He points to each statistic and explains how awesome and amazing they are, looking to you for validation.

“Super cool.” You nod and try to pull an impressed look, but he can always see through your bullshit.

“Why do you sound like that? What happened?” he asks. You fight back the urge to roll your eyes. Curse him and his stupid ability to read your mind.

You sigh. “I just feel like I’m always lying to Soobin recently.”

Beomgyu, ever the asshole, just smiles at that. “Why?”

“He asked if I was free today and I said no,” you explain.

“Well that’s right. You’re hanging out with me.”

“But we don’t really have plans. We hang out like this every day.” You don’t fight it when he pulls you into his lap. You relax into him.

“Just stop dragging him along. This is going nowhere.”

“It could, though,” you say.

“It couldn’t,” Beomgyu denies with complete certainty. He runs his fingers through your hair when you rest your head on his shoulder.

“Yeah. You would make sure of it,” you say, defeated.

“Don’t act so innocent.” His voice is soft even when he says that.

“I was so set on him. You never liked me like this until you found out about him,” you say, equally as soft, no real fight in you.

“I always liked you like this.”

“No. You never acted like this.”

“I was scared of losing you to him, so I had to act like this,” he defends.

“It makes me feel crazy. Makes me feel like a bad person.”

He hums, still comforting you with his hand in your hair and an arm around your waist. He pulls you up just a bit to position you so that you’re face-to-face with him. The blanket falls off of you and onto the floor behind you. He coos when he sees your teary eyes, cupping your face.

“You’re right, I would make sure of it. I’d never let you get into a relationship,” he admits. His voice drips with gentleness, and it’s smooth as ever, but you don’t feel soothed by it. You back up when his face gets a little too close to yours.

“What if I only want to be friends?” you question.

“Then just be my friend. Don’t be his girlfriend, though,” he pleads. “Would you really hurt me like that?”

“I can’t be his friend?”

He shakes his head. “No.”

A little fire of rage is starting to burn inside you at his possessiveness. It’s like he can sense it, and he’s trying to calm it down, gently rubbing his hands down your thighs.

“Don’t touch me like that,” you demand. He moves his hands to rest on your hips instead. “Don’t touch me at all.”

He pries his hands off of you and holds them behind his head. You feel yourself getting pissed off, but for some reason you don’t make a move to get off his lap.

“Why do you treat me like this?” you ask harshly.

“Cause I’m in love with you,” he answers like he can’t hold it back anymore. Your heart stops and your eyes shoot to his own in shock. He’s looking at you with all the honesty he’s ever had. “So forgive me if I can’t stand you being with someone else.”

You open your mouth, but you have no clue what to say, so you just shut it and stare at him, dumbfounded. It takes a few seconds for rationality to hit you and urge you up and away from him. He stands up as soon as you do, holding onto your wrist.

“No, don’t go,” he begs, lacing your hands together. You lean your head into his chest and cry out in confusion. What are you supposed to do?! God, a part of you wishes you’d never even met Soobin now. If you knew it would come to this, you’d have never stepped foot in that library. It’s just not worth it. You don’t even know how you feel right now.

“What the fuck Beomgyu!” you yell as you burst into tears. Everything is ruined. You can’t be with Soobin. You can’t be with anyone. You can’t have your old dynamic with Beomgyu back. Nothing will be the same.

Beomgyu hugs you, swaying you comfortingly and slowly. You hear him sniffle. He doesn’t deserve to be crying right now. What reason does he have to cry? Everything has gone his way.

You drop to the floor and hold your face in your hands, crying into your palms. He sits in front of you and pushes your hands down, brushing your hair back. His eyes are red from his tears too, but he’s tending to you. Your stomach twists. You don’t know what to think. A guttural sob leaves you.

“Maybe this city isn’t right for you. Let’s move away,” Beomgyu offers, trying a new approach.

“Like you know what’s right for me,” you mock.

“I do,” he asserts.

“You don’t.”

“Just stop with this. Do you not love me?” he asks, angry and serious. You don’t respond. He calls your name. You look away from him.

You don’t know. Somewhere in this whole mess, you’ve lost your perception of what you feel for who. You don’t respond because you have no answer.

He whines and hangs his head, clutching his chest like you’ve just stabbed him in the heart. Always the drama queen. You feel yourself calming down a little as you see it. At least you’re not the only one breaking down now.

“You want to be with him that bad?” he asks. He looks at you with pathetic eyes, tears falling from them pitifully. You feel nothing.

He grabs you by the shoulders with urgency and desperation. You have no more fight in you, so you let it happen. He picks you up and sits you on the edge of his bed. He stands over you, holding your head up so your eyes meet. He frantically searches for something in them. You’re not sure what.

“Can you talk to me?” he requests. “At least give me that much?” He pulls your mouth open with his thumb, staring at it like he’s waiting for something to come out. You don’t know what possesses you, but you feel broken enough to not question it when you take his thumb in your mouth and suck. Perhaps you’re just used to turning to sex in the midst of heated moments now. He pulls it out and stares at you funny.

“What?” you ask. He gives a sigh of relief, and you realize it’s because you finally said something.

“We gotta talk about this,” he says.

What’s there to talk about? He told you what your whole life is going to look like anyway. You don’t even want to think about it anymore.

“Let me sleep,” you whisper. Your head is pounding.

“Okay,” he agrees, laying you back on his mattress, adjusting the pillow beneath your head. You shut your eyes. He tucks you in neatly, making sure you’re extra comfortable. He uses gentle fingers to tuck your hair out of your face. You feel his presence stick beside you like a guard dog until you fall asleep.

──── ──── ──── ──── ────

You wake up with a clearer head. The room is dark, you must have slept your way into the night. You remember everything that happened and your eyes shoot open. Beomgyu’s sleeping soundly next to you. He has you right up against him, like he knew you’d try to run away as soon as you woke up. You realize that that’s what you should be doing right now.

You remember you left your phone on the bed somewhere. You feel around for it, more frantically the longer it takes, but you come up empty. A part of you wonders if Beomgyu took it. You shake the thought. He wouldn’t. You despise your mind for trying to paint your best friend as evil.

He can’t help how he feels, right? If he scared you or hurt you, he didn’t mean it. If he’s serious when he says he loves you, then he wouldn’t want to hurt you. You feel sick as you think it over. You probably shouldn’t run away. Where would you even go?

An idea pops into your mind, but you need your phone first.

Gathering your courage, you slip from Beomgyu’s grasp and get out of bed, causing as little commotion as you can. You scan the room with just your eyes, seeing if you can find your phone. You contain the urge to groan when you don’t see it anywhere. You bend down to check under the bed. Nothing.

You startle when you rise up and see Beomgyu looking at you. “What are you doing?” he asks.

“I’m just looking for my phone.” You sound so meek and unnatural in your own ears. You sound scared of him.

“Oh.” He eases back into the bed. You didn’t realize how tense he got. Strange.

You look at him speculatively. “Do you… know where my phone is?”

He furrows his brows. “Are you accusing me right now?”

Yes. “No.” It’s so much harder to rationalize the situation when you’re talking to Beomgyu. He’s quiet for a minute, and it unnerves you. You wonder what he’s thinking.

You watch him closely as he reaches for something on his nightstand. It’s his phone. He taps around on it, and you have no clue what he’s doing until you hear it ring. He’s calling you.

The vibration of your phone is muffled, but present. Beomgyu looks to his side and lifts your pillow, revealing your phone. He hangs up the call from his end. You grab your phone, feeling guilty now.

“Now you can stop looking at me like I’m some psychopath,” he murmurs off-handedly. It stings your heart.

“I’m sorry.”

He sits up and stares at you, then lets out a heavy sigh. His eyes look puffy now from all his crying before, and you figure he must not have slept much. You wonder if he stayed up crying while you slept in his arms.

“I’m sorry too,” he says. You appreciate that, because he’s got a lot to be sorry for. “I got scared and it made me act crazy.”

So you’re finally having this conversation. Your heart rate picks up.

“You did. I guess I did too,” you say. You remember how you broke down. You remember everything he said. “Did you mean it all?” you ask.

He’s quiet for a second. “I meant it when I said I loved you.”

“And when you said you’d never let me have a relationship?” you push. He looks like you just kicked him, and he bites down his response. You remember what Chaewon said about him doing that, how he only does it because he knows you’re weak for him. Not this time. Fuck that. “Talk to me now, Beomgyu. I’ll walk out of your life forever if you don’t.”

He rushes to respond now, eyes wide with urgency. “I don’t know, I’m just desperate, and—and I need you.” He stands up, but doesn’t dare get too close to you. His hands are held together in prayer. “Don’t walk away. I’ll control myself now. Please stay. Who else do I have?”

You take a deep breath, trying to not let his words hit you too hard. You need to keep a clear mind. If your heart starts getting soft, you’ll lose to him again.

“I want you to never meddle in my love life again,” you say, speaking as clearly and confidently as you can.

“But I”—

“Never again. No excuses. Let me be.”

“But I love you!” Beomgyu cries, desperate to keep you to himself.

“Stop,” you insist, locking up the iron gates that protect your weak heart. You can’t let him get through.

“I love you, I love you, I love you! You can’t do this to me!”

You feel him slicing away at the bars guarding your heart. You have to get out of here before he breaks you down again.

“I’m staying at Chaewon’s tonight. If you try to contact me while I’m gone, you’ll never see me again. Give me space.” You fear your sanity might slip from you if you take too long to head out the door.

You leave the room, leave the apartment, but you still hear his cries. They echo in your mind and torture you as your feet take you to Chaewon’s house. You move as fast as you can, desperate to clear your head, but Beomgyu proves himself again to be a parasite, a stain you can never wash off.

Chaewon’s eyes widen when she sees you. You must look as rough as you feel. “What happened?” she asks, ushering you to her couch. She wipes your cheeks, brushing away tears you didn’t even know were there.

“Beomgyu loves me.” You choke on a sob, leaning forward until your head is buried in Chaewon’s chest, wrapping your arms around her body. You’re glad you don’t have to beg her to comfort you—she’s quick to pat your hair down and hold you while you let it all out.

“Honey, it’s okay,” she soothes. You’re soaking her shirt with your tears, but she doesn’t say anything about it.

“No, everything has changed. Nothing’s okay.” Chaewon picks your head up at that, cupping your face so you’ll look her in the eyes. You sniffle back your tears, suddenly embarrassed by them when she’s looking at you so intensely.

“You will be okay. I promise you.” She sounds so sure of it that you have no choice but to believe her. You nod, and she looks pleased at that. Once she releases you from her hold, you wipe the wetness from your face. You feel yourself calming down.

“Thank you,” you say. Even if all you want to do in the moment is wallow in your own self-pity, you can’t let that be the rest of your life. Once you feel confident you won’t start crying again, you tell Chaewon everything that happened with Beomgyu. She’s quiet the whole time, nodding as you explain the whole ordeal. You don’t have it in you to joke about it right now, and you appreciate that she doesn’t try to either.

“Well, how do you feel? Do you love Beomgyu?” she asks.

You sigh. This is a loaded question. “I’m not in love with him, but I do love him. Even after everything he did, I still love him. I probably always will.”

Chaewon nods slowly and hums in acknowledgement. She takes a minute to ask her next question. “What about Soobin?”

You pout as you ponder it. When you think about being with Soobin now, it’s not heart fluttering anymore. Beomgyu ruined that for you. Maybe Beomgyu ruined any man for you. You can’t imagine talking to another guy, now—not for a while, anyway.

“I’m not in love with him either. I don’t know how I feel now,” you answer honestly.

You get another cryptic hum from Chaewon at that. “I think you should see Soobin tomorrow and see if that clears things up.”

Tomorrow? That’s so soon. You need time to recover from today. The thought of meeting up with Soobin fills you with some sort of dread and fear.

“I don’t know if I can ever see him again,” you admit.

It’s too late for you to come back from this. The damage is irreparable. Beomgyu has carved his name into you, and you can scratch it away all you want, but the slate will never be clean again. You’ll always be marred.

“See him one more time,” Chaewon insists. “Don’t give up yet.” You feel a little bit of life leave you as you sigh. You’re not the fighter that Chaewon wants you to be. You’ve tried so hard, but it never worked.

She puts a hand on your shoulder and continues, “Text him. Ask him to go out with you tomorrow. You can still make this work.” She picks up your phone and puts it in your hand.

You look into her eyes. She has enough hope in them to encourage you to unlock your phone and go to Soobin’s messages. You stare at your texts from earlier, regretting how you didn’t just accept his offer to hang out. You wonder how differently your day would have gone.

You take a deep breath and look at Chaewon for reassurance. Her smile gives you the courage to send something over.

If you’re free tomorrow, I’d love to go out

You doubt he’s awake right now since it’s so late, but you’ll settle with seeing his response in the morning. Chaewon encourages you to get some rest, and you think half of the reason is because she’s tired too, but you don’t argue. If you’re seeing Soobin tomorrow, you’ll need as much rest as you can get tonight. You’ll sleep away the pain and open your heart up to whatever comes with Soobin tomorrow.

──── ──── ──── ──── ────

You do your best to not think about Beomgyu at all as soon as you meet up with Soobin. You want to enjoy your day, and you’ll be damned if you don’t at least try. You’ve put up with so much, you need a break. A day out with Soobin could offer you that solace.

It’s colder by the lake that you walk along the edge of, but the sight is so nice that you don’t mind it. Being outside is helping you feel better, too. The lake is still mostly ice, with fresh snow piled on top of it.

“I’m glad we get to spend time together today,” Soobin says, walking slower until he comes to a stop. He looks angelic even with his nose red from the cold.

“Me too,” you say. “I’m sorry it’s been so long.”

“It’s okay, I’m sure you were busy.” You can’t look him in the eye when he says that, it hurts too much. You weren’t nearly as busy as he thinks you were. Your mind was preoccupied with someone else.

“How has work been?” You almost cringe at how surface level the question feels. You’ve been past the small talk stage for a while now, but you’re having trouble thinking of what else to talk about. It’s not like you can talk about your own life as of recent.

“It’s been okay. I miss you sometimes when I’m working in the library,” he says. Your heart should flutter at that. You should feel weak in the knees and butterflies in your stomach. Instead, you feel something inside you shrivel up. You push past the feeling, still determined to try to save this.

“I wish I went over more.” You wish you did a lot of things different.

“You still can,” he says, hopeful. You pray that he’s oblivious to your uncertainty. You smile at him, hoping it doesn’t look as forced as it feels.

“I can,” you agree. A beat of silence follows. You look out to the frozen lake. In the summer, this place is alive with the sound of birds chirping and people laughing. It’s quite different now. You look at the barren trees and strain your ears for any noise.

You don’t usually hate winter, but this year it feels eternal. You’re dying for the snow to start melting and to feel the sun again. The sight of flowers in bloom, of leaves returning to trees, is something you find yourself craving more than ever.

“Do you like the snow?” you ask, turning to Soobin.

“I love it. It makes everything look brighter.” You nod, looking back out to the world. The sunlight reflects off the stretch of snow, and you suppose it does look brighter like this. A gust of wind sends snow blowing at the two of you. You flinch, and he laughs.

“Have you ever gone skiing?” he asks.

You shake your head. “I went snowboarding with Beomgyu once, but I hated it. I had so many bruises the next day.” You laugh a little at the memory.

“I’ve been waiting to hear that,” Soobin says. You look at him in confusion. “Your laugh,” he clarifies.

“Oh.” You feel your face heat up.

“I love skiing, even though I’m not great at it. You should try. I know a great place. We can fall and get matching bruises,” he says, grinning. It puts a smile on your face, and you don’t have to force it this time.

“I don’t know if I can take up that offer,” you say.

Soobin nods. “That’s okay.”

It goes quiet again after that. Silence doesn’t bother you normally, but it feels deeper than usual when there’s nothing going on around you. You sway on your feet, kicking awkwardly at the snow.

“Are you alright? You’re never this quiet,” Soobin notes. You sigh. You couldn’t even begin to explain how you feel to him.

“I don’t know. I’m sorry I’m such a bore today,” you apologize, wanting to shrink into yourself.

“I’m never bored of you. Tell me what’s going on,” he prompts, looking at you attentively. You’re flattered at how he shows his care for you.

You stare at him for a long second, wondering how much would be acceptable to spill. “It’s just Beomgyu.”

Soobin laughs for a second at that. “That’s not the first time I heard that sentence.” He doesn’t look upset or bitter, but it still makes you feel bad. Even if he’s joking, it’s true that you keep bringing Beomgyu up around him.

“I don’t know what to do about him anymore.” You wish you had the guts to say more, but you’re a coward.

Soobin takes a while to respond to that, so long that you think he might just drop the conversation. His smile has shrunk, and you fear that he’s finally putting the pieces together. “You do what feels right,” he advises.

You swallow, trying to calm your nerves. “How do I know what’s right?” Your brows are upturned, lips pouted as you struggle to draw a conclusion. His eyes trail down your face like he’s assessing you.

“Your heart will tell you.” He has no clue the torment your heart’s been through. The poor thing is too weak to make any decisions. Following it will lead you nowhere.

You shake your head. “No it won’t.”

He sighs, and that’s when you know he’s caught onto your dilemma. “You already know what your heart wants. You’re just ignoring it.”

His words strike you with panic. You search his eyes to try to find the answer he’s come to. “What do you mean?” you ask.

“I just feel like…” Soobin starts. You hang onto his words as he struggles to finish his thought. “You’re always thinking of him.”

Your heart sinks. It feels like the world has gone weak, and everything around you is ready to collapse. Can you even deny what he said? You open your mouth to try, but any noise struggles to come out.

“So, can I ask you something?” he continues.

You nod. This moment feels so delicate and fragile, you’re scared of breaking it. Your voice comes out in a whisper when you respond, “Yes.”

“Did you like me at all?” His eyes dart between yours.

You hate this so much. You can’t protect your pride. Guilt spills out from the pit of your stomach and sickens you. Have you turned into something vile? Have you hurt Soobin so much?

“Of course I did. You’re wonderful,” you answer honestly. He wipes a tear from your cheek when it falls from your eye.

“And now?” He keeps his hand on your face. You can't stand his kindness. The knife twists further.

“I don’t know. Beomgyu—he…” You don’t even know where to go with that sentence.

“He fell for you?” he fills in. “I can see why.” He brushes your hair back. Even now, his smile is pure and soft.

“Soobin…” You’re stuck with the most impossible dilemma. A selfish part of you begs to keep Soobin around. The butterflies he summons still come back to life at times like these. You’ll never have to question his sanity. What bloomed between you was innocent and untarnished until Beomgyu dug his claws into you.

The other half of you tells you to stop torturing everyone. Yourself, Soobin, Beomgyu—you all suffer the longer you remain on the fence. You can’t have both men in your life, and you know that you’re not going to give up Beomgyu so easily. You just wish you could figure something out.

“I know your choice,” he says, breaking you out of your thoughts. How? How can he know so clearly when not even you do?

He takes your hand and brings it to his lips. The most gentle kiss you’ve ever felt is placed delicately onto it. You blink up at him. It’s almost like you can already see him flickering away.

He’s letting you go.

You feel the moment melting. You feel the world slowly coming back to life around you, and you want to ask it for one more minute. One more minute, where you and Soobin can be the only two people that exist. He’s putting your hand down, he’s releasing his hold, he’s getting ready to go. You know better than to cry and beg for him now. This is what has to happen.

“Do you know your way home from here?” he asks.

You’re crushed, but you don’t show it. “Yes.”

He steps back. “I’m glad I knew you. You’re the best thing this city has to offer.”

“That’s not true.” There is nothing more cursed in this city than you.

He smiles at you. It’s the last time you’ll ever see it. “It is. I hope he helps you see that.”

That’s the last thing he says to you before he leaves for good. You watch him walk away. Your feet don’t itch to run for him. Your hands don’t yearn to tug him back. The only thing you want now is to see your best friend.

──── ──── ──── ──── ────

You try to control the way your body shakes as you stand in front of the door. You need to get yourself together. You steady your breathing. Your fist meets the door to knock on it gently, like you’re unsure if you actually want to go in or not.

You’re glad you ran out of tears already. It would be quite embarrassing for Chaewon to open the door to you crying for the second day in a row.

She assesses you with a frown. “It didn’t go well, did it?”

There’s no need to sugar coat it. “It’s over.”

Chaewon’s lips part in surprise. She’s quiet, and for the first time, it seems like she doesn’t know what to say. You walk to her room without a word, and she follows just as silently. You take your usual spots on her bed, and you try to make yourself feel something. You just come up empty.

“Are you okay?” Chaewon asks, breaking the silence hesitantly.

“I guess,” you answer. You didn’t expect Soobin to let you go. Selfishly, you thought he would never leave you. Chaewon sighs heavily, but you don’t dare to look at her right now. Whether it’s disappointment or sadness on her face, you don’t want to know.

Karma must be real. This was always bound to happen, you realize. This is some cosmic joke, some lesson from the universe to tell you what happens when you let control slip out of your hands. You dug your own grave. Soobin was always going to leave you.

A pang in your chest strikes you when you think of the beginning. Soobin’s shy introduction at the library, his giggles at your flirtations, his eagerness to keep you talking. Everything was so light and easy. You could’ve sworn there was an invisible string connecting you.

“I’m sorry. It’s killing me that I can’t do anything for you,” Chaewon says, and you finally look at her. Her eyes are brimming with tears, lips quivering in an effort to not cry. You frown and hold her hand.

“You’ve done everything for me,” you correct. If it weren’t for all her talks with you in the past couple months, you would have gone crazy long ago. You’d be caught between Beomgyu’s teeth. Now you’re here, sulking over Soobin with her, instead of going home to your other best friend. “You helped me more than you think.”

Chaewon gives you a small smile as a tear falls from her eye. Her hand squeezes yours, and it makes you genuinely smile for a second. “I’m always here for you,” she says.

“Same here, for anything.” She scooches closer to you, and you rest your head on her shoulder.

“How are you feeling?” You ponder her question for a minute, trying to match a label to your inner turmoil.

You sigh, “Numb.”

She hums. “What are you thinking about?” That question brings the pang in your chest back. You can do nothing but succumb to the defeat and hopelessness of it all.

“We never even kissed.” You stare into nothingness as you meddle with the fact. It’s a stupid thing to be upset about, but you feel like you had your one shot at romance ripped away from you. Who can you blame besides yourself?

You could’ve had innocent, pure love. You could’ve had sweet kisses and interlocked hands and a hundred cute little dates, but you traded it all for anger-laced intimacy, endless confusion, and nights ending in tears. You’re a fool.

Chaewon looks at you with such pity that it makes your stomach twist. You must seem so pathetic right now. A part of you wishes you’d run off to Beomgyu instead. He would’ve pampered you, made you forget about Soobin if only for a moment. You know you were right to see Chaewon instead, though. You’ve made enough dumb decisions with your life. You’re sick of destroying everything because you can’t let go of Beomgyu.

Chaewon seems to be thinking the same thing. “I can’t stop thinking about where you’d be now if Beomgyu never brought himself into this.”

You tighten your lips, not knowing what to say. You don’t want to think about it at all. “Yeah.”

She turns to you fully, looking more serious now. “You’re not going back to Beomgyu again. Don’t let him get away with this,” she says.

It’s not that easy. What does she expect you to do instead? Ignore him, drop him now that it’s already too late? You’d gain nothing from that at this point.

“It’s useless,” you say. She takes both your hands in hers, holding them over her heart and looking into your eyes.

“I care about you too much to watch you spiral like this. Stay with me. I’ll help you bring your things here.” She looks at you with pleading eyes. Your heartbeat races. The choice is yours.

“I can’t burden you like that,” you say, shaking your head.

“It would burden me more to know you’re letting Beomgyu win again,” she insists. You exhale shakily, trying to stop your thoughts from flying by so fast. You need a clearer mind to be able to make this decision.

“I need to think about it.” Chaewon nods, always understanding of you.

“Just let me know. I promise I’ll be there in a heartbeat.” You feel like you owe this girl the world.

You look out the window, noticing how dark it is. You would stay over her house again, but something inside you urges you to go home. You shift on the bed, stretching as you get ready to stand up again.

“I think I’m gonna head home now,” you say, and you see her eyebrows knit in confusion immediately. You know what she’s thinking. “It’s not for Beomgyu. It’s for me.”

She still looks uneasy, but she doesn’t put up a fight. You’re glad she saves her lectures on Beomgyu this once. She gives you a parting hug.

“Think about my offer,” she says as you pull away. Her eyes are hopeful, like she’s counting on you for this one thing.

“I will,” you promise.

──── ──── ──── ──── ────

The moment you get home, you take yourself straight to Beomgyu’s room. It’s late, and you know he must be sleeping, but you don’t want to feel alone for even a second. You don’t want to think about Soobin.

Beomgyu’s room is slightly illuminated by the glow of his gaming setup. He looks so peaceful laying in his bed. His chest rises and falls in a perfect rhythm, and you find yourself calming down. You stand there in the doorway for a minute, debating whether or not it was too far to go and wrap your arms around him.

He stirs in his sleep. Perhaps he felt your presence—you wouldn’t doubt it at this point. The boy has always seemed to have a sixth sense when it came to you.

“Gyu?” you whisper, testing if he’s waking up or not. His eyes flutter open, so slightly and sleepily that you barely see it. When he notices you standing at his door, he shifts on the bed to make room for you. He pats the spot next to him on the mattress, and your body responds to his call immediately. It seems the magnets attracting you together have never left.

You settle in beside him, cozying up to his warmth. Your eyes are unblinking as they stare at his ceiling. You barely feel like you’re in your own body as Beomgyu tucks you into his side. You only sort of register it as the weight of his arm falls across your waist.

“You came back,” Beomgyu says, voice scratchy and deep from sleep.

“You knew I would.” He doesn’t respond. He knows it’s true.

His breathing is starting to grow slower again, and your heart pounds in unease. You won’t be able to fall asleep. You don’t want him to leave you in the real world right now.

“Beomgyu,” you say in a quiet voice. He hums in response, and you feel the vibration of it in your bones. “I ended things with Soobin.”

He freezes. You don’t even feel him breathe anymore. You keep your gaze off of him; if he’s happy, you don’t want to see it. He tries to sit up, but you coax him back down. You don’t want to be up right now.

You continue, “Or, I guess, he ended things with me.”

His silence would irritate you if you didn’t feel so numb. You focus on your breathing, still staring at the ceiling. You feel weightless, like your body could break from the slightest shove.

Finally, he moves beside you. It’s just a turn of his head, but it’s enough to make you feel a little less stiff. You feel his eyes on you, but you can’t be bothered to meet them.

“Well, I’m not gonna say I’m sorry…” he says. You don’t need to look at him to know that he’s smiling.

“I know. Cause you’re an asshole.”

“But I’m not a liar.”

“Sometimes I wish you were,” you sigh. Your life might’ve been easier in that case.

He ignores that. “I’m here for you. Whatever you want, whatever you miss from him, I’m here.”

You don’t need that. You just need a cork in your chest to fill the space your heart has leapt from. His bandages will never stop the bleeding when it’s this profuse.

“I think you were right, I don’t know if this city’s right for me,” you admit quietly, resting your head on his chest. You hope the world is kind enough to let you find sleep tonight. His response comes in the form of hugging you closer to his body. You let it happen, soaking in all his warmth and comfort. This might be the last time you see him, after all.

──── ──── ──── ──── ────

You don’t say goodbye. You pack a couple bags while Beomgyu’s not home, doing your best to ignore your blurred vision from the tears welling in your eyes. Chaewon greets you with open arms when you arrive at her place.

“Just these?” Chaewon asks, picking up your bags.

“Yeah, I didn’t grab everything. I left most of my stuff there,” you explain, voice hoarse from your crying earlier.

“That’s okay.” She brings your bags to her work room, which she promised to repurpose for you as your own room. You tried saying that you could crash on her couch for now, but she insisted that she’d do this for you, even if it’s just for a couple weeks.

The room is mostly empty—Chaewon must’ve been up all night clearing it out—save for her desk in the corner. You’re reminded of when you moved into your apartment with Beomgyu. The thrill of independence, of being a young adult in a new corner of the world. Everything was exciting and new back then, and you miss the innocence that came with it.

“My friend has a twin size mattress that he’s bringing over later today, we can find a frame for that at some furniture store,” Chaewon says.

“Oh my gosh, your friend doesn’t have to do that!” you exclaim. You already feel yourself becoming a burden. “An air mattress is fine.”

“Stop, I’m probably doing him a favor helping him get rid of it. I’m not making you sleep on an air mattress, those things suck.”

“We shouldn’t buy a bed frame yet, I don’t know how long I’ll be here,” you reason, but Chaewon’s not hearing it, shaking her head and dismissing the thought with a wave of her hand.

“We can just get something cheap. I know a really good place. I got mine there for, like, three hundred.” Your eyes widen. You can’t control your natural reaction to a great bargain. “Yeah, I know. So let’s go there.”

The rest of the day goes by in a blur of setting the bed frame up, putting half of your things away, and chatting with Chaewon about how nervous you are about this.

The two of you are cramped into your twin bed, talking the night away like it was any normal sleepover. Chaewon gave you one of her LED lamps, and its multicolored glow is the only source of light in the room. You lean into her, and she lets you practically use her as a pillow.

“Did you tell Beomgyu?” she asks. Her fingers run through your hair calmingly.

“No.” You don’t know if you should feel bad for that. He is your best friend...

“You don’t have to,” she reassures. “You should mute his number. He’s going to find out fast and bug you nonstop.”

Your eyes well up once again. You would have never, ever imagined your friendship with Beomgyu would come to this. Is it for the better? You’ll hate yourself forever if this is the wrong choice. If only you could see into the future. That would have saved you a lot of trouble long ago.

“He’ll know I came to you. He knows exactly where to show up,” you say.

“He could knock on my door all damn day if he wants, he’s not coming in.”

“With how he is, I wouldn’t be surprised if he brought a blanket and started sleeping at your door,” you joke. Your laughter is quick to turn to tears, and you don’t even know why. You wipe your eyes, not wanting to cry again, but you can’t help the loss you feel. Beomgyu’s your best friend. You just wish it could’ve stayed that way.

“It’s okay,” Chaewon comforts.

“No, I don’t want to cry,” you say, sniffling back the rest of your tears. “Let’s just watch videos and fall asleep.”

Chaewon leans over to pick up her tablet at the end of your bed, unlocking it to resume the movie you were playing in the background earlier. “Do you still want to watch this?” she asks.

“We should put on YouTube,” you offer instead. You yawn, closing your eyes as she looks for something interesting to put on. You’re already asleep by the time she makes her choice.

──── ──── ──── ──── ────

The first thing you see after waking up is Beomgyu’s texts. Chaewon would tell you to ignore him, but she’s sleeping soundly next to you and therefore can’t judge you for opening his texts immediately.

[Beomgyu] u out for the night?

[Beomgyu] helloooooo

[Beomgyu] ok well make sure u get to work on time

You should be getting ready for work. You shouldn’t be answering him. You don’t even know what to say, but your fingers itch to respond.

He still doesn’t know you won’t be coming back for a bit. Should you keep it that way? An ache in your heart begs you to spill everything to him. You look at Chaewon again, making sure she’s asleep. You look back to your phone with a sigh and let your fingers fly across the keyboard without a second thought.

You don’t reread the text once you send it. The only move you make afterwards is to mute his notifications. Something about it makes you feel so empty. You don’t know if you feel like a whole new person or the shell of a person. You don’t have time to linger on it either, because you have to get ready for work.

The feeling persists throughout the day. You feel like a robot, like you’re living life on autopilot, letting your body carry you around while your soul is busy searching for the important answers. You don’t care which font your boss would like best for the title on this report, you don’t care what kind of smoothie your coworker should get. You want to know how to fix your life.

Your walk back from work is much stranger now that you can’t take the path your feet have memorized so well. The thought that this could be the path you’d walk to walk everyday for weeks or even months strikes you with a sort of dismal feeling. This feels different than going to Chaewon’s place after work just to hang out. This is going to Chaewon’s place because that’s where you have to go.

You’re not granted reprieve from the whirlwind of thoughts as you make your way home to Chaewon. You question every choice you’ve made up to this point, all the way back to if moving here with Beomgyu was ever a good idea in the first place.

Is there a way to repair all the damage that has been done? The thought of starting all over again is frightening. If you ruined it all, if there’s no going back to how things were, then you might as well make a life for yourself somewhere new.

Maybe you could convince Chaewon to fly across the country with you. You picture a life where you don’t have to worry about bumping into Beomgyu or Soobin again. It both frightens and intrigues you. You can’t be so greedy, though; she has everything set out for her here. You can’t rip her away from the city that loves her so much. You just wish it was as good to you.

The possibilities of what could have been haunt you. You look at passing couples with a sense of envy, picturing you and Soobin in their place. Every store you pass, every street you walk down is a memory that you’ve made. It’s almost too much to handle.

Your feet almost stop as you pass the library. You only let your eyes linger on the building for a few seconds, but that’s long enough to make your insides twist. The warm lights that seep through the windows don’t feel comforting to you anymore. You walk a little faster and tug your jacket closer to your body. The trip back to Chaewon’s feels a little colder now.

You open your messages with Beomgyu as you near her place. You don’t know if you should be happy or scared that he still hasn’t responded. You finally allow yourself to read your parting message, feeling a little emptier as the words linger in your mind with nothing back from him.

Hi Gyu, I’m staying with Chaewon for a bit. I’ll come back if and when I’m ready. I really regret a lot of my recent decisions, and I think I just needed this as a refresh.

Don’t be mad at me. You’ll always be my best friend. Love ya

You swallow down the knot building in your throat. This is for the better. You repeat the phrase like a mantra as you make it to Chaewon’s house. You wonder when her place will start feeling enough like home, when you’ll stop craving to return to your real one. You open the door and shove down all your thoughts and feelings.

This is for the better.

notes: sorry team soobin. sorry team beomgyu. no one wins... and maybe that's what needed to happen... much love and i hope you enjoyed the read!!!

taglist: @beomgyusluver @blankliving @ewsnup @flowzel @immelissaaa @multistansimp4life @nanamongmong

#raya recommends #my girl nina #txt x reader #beomgyu x reader #soobin x reader #txt smut #beomgyu smut #txt angst #soobin angst #beomgyu angst #beomgyu fic #txt fic #soobin fic

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