#i tried black coffee one day and JFC i cried

[insomniacademic]

december 16, 2022

i did it! i survived finals week! and im pretty proud of my grades too :] here's a few records of my desperate cramming ft. a terrible sleep schedule. cheers to midnight snacks and coffee to pull us through these tough times. (i finished all my tests like an hour early so i got in loads of small naps 💀 i swear i have to get my time management together.)

on a side note, we had a christmas week before exams to take the stress away and there was a twin pjs day on tuesday(?). and ive never missed my best friend back home so much. on a happier note, its 6 days to christmas!

[red-faced-wolf]

1-100 😋

Spotify, SoundCloud, or Pandora? Spotifyis your room messy or clean?Both lmao what color are your eyes?Greendo you like your name? why?Yes, it’s a cool namewhat is your relationship status? Talking to someonedescribe your personality in 3 words or lessCharismatic, loyal, quiet what color hair do you have?Brown what kind of car do you drive? color?It’s a 6-speed coup that’s black where do you shop?Not many placeshow would you describe your style?Mix between country and a little punk favorite social media accountTumblr what size bed do you have? I’m not sure any siblings?Older sisterif you can live anywhere in the world where would it be? why? Soldotna Alaskafavorite snapchat filter? The ones that distorts your voice and face favorite makeup brand(s)Nonehow many times a week do you shower?7? Jfc please tell me y’all shower daily favorite tv show?The last Alaskans shoe size?10 1/2 Whow tall are you?5’11”sandals or sneakers? Sneakersdo you go to the gym? Nodescribe your dream dateCuddling under the stars on a couple of big round hay bales during fall how much money do you have in your wallet at the moment?$20 what color socks are you wearing? White and black camp (against dress code I know) how many pillows do you sleep with?3do you have a job? what do you do? Yes, I’m a serverhow many friends do you have? Bunches but really none if that makes sense whats the worst thing you have ever done? Hehehehe I got really angry at one of my coworkers who tried screwing me over at work so I filled up the rubber drip mats full of sweet tea so it’d spill no matter what whats your favorite candle scent? Vanilla 3 favorite boy namesAnything Norse 😂 3 favorite girl namesAll I know is I like the name Shelby favorite actor? Aaron Paul favorite actress? N/Awho is your celebrity crush?N/Afavorite movie? Dunkirk do you read a lot? whats your favorite book? Horse Soldiers or No Easy Day money or brains? Bothdo you have a nickname? what is it? Red/Nick how many times have you been to the hospital?Like 5 times top 10 favorite songsNot listing them all rn but they’re all in german do you take any medications daily? Nowhat is your skin type? (oily, dry, etc)The kind with skin on itwhat is your biggest fear? Heights how many kids do you want? 2 or 3whats your go to hair style?Warhawk what type of house do you live in? (big, small, etc) Medium sized who is your role model? Don’t know what was the last compliment you received?Don’t remember what was the last text you sent?Something to @curvywarman😂😂how old were you when you found out santa wasn’t real? 5? what is your dream car? 1967 Shelby Cobra Daytona opinion on smoking?Big turn offdo you go to college? Yeswhat is your dream job? Own a brewery would you rather live in rural areas or the suburbs? Rural do you take shampoo and conditioner bottles from hotels? Nodo you have freckles? Nodo you smile for pictures?Answeredhow many pictures do you have on your phone? Like 14k have you ever peed in the woods? Yesdo you still watch cartoons? Sometimes do you prefer chicken nuggets from Wendy’s or McDonalds?McDonald’s Favorite dipping sauce? Honey mustard what do you wear to bed? My boxershave you ever won a spelling bee?Yeswhat are your hobbies?Motorcycles and video games can you draw? Nodo you play an instrument?Used to play the clarinet in band what was the last concert you saw? Don’t remember tea or coffee?TeaStarbucks or Dunkin Donuts?Starbucks do you want to get married?Yeswhat is your crush’s first and last initial?Not sayingare you going to change your last name when you get married? Nowhat color looks best on you? Answereddo you miss anyone right now? Yesdo you sleep with your door open or closed?Closed do you believe in ghosts?Yeswhat is your biggest pet peeve? Smacking while eating last person you called`Momfavorite ice cream flavor? Cookies and cream regular oreos or golden oreos? Regularchocolate or rainbow sprinkles? Chocolate what shirt are you wearing? Work shirtwhat is your phone background?Dunkirk airplane fire scene and D-day pictureare you outgoing or shy?Shy do you like it when people play with your hair?Yesdo you like your neighbors? Answered do you wash your face? at night? in the morning?Morninghave you ever been high? Yeshave you ever been drunk? Yes last thing you ate? Wingsfavorite lyrics right nowToo long to typesummer or winter? Winterday or night? Nightdark, milk, or white chocolate? Darkfavorite month? November what is your zodiac signPisces who was the last person you cried in front of? Uuuuuuugh my ex.

[obdurare-archive-blog]

you knew this was going to happen. ship meme. lizzie and hector. ♡¯\_(ツ)_/¯

General:

Rate the Ship -  Awful | Ew | No pics pls | I’m not comfortable | Alright | I like it! | Got Pics? | Let’s do it! | Why is this not getting more attention?! | The OTP to rule all other OTPs | They will end me.How long will they last? -  They’re compatible enough to be long term as long as a certain someone doesn’t fuck it up Hector.How quickly did/will they fall in love? -  Since this is the opposite from Hector’s end:  He just turned around and got smacked in the face with it one day.  Oh, there was a lead up but he soldiered on, sure it wasn’t what he thought it was until no, it really is the thing he thought it wasn’t.How was their first kiss? -  Impulsive, because he knew it was a thing that shouldn’t happen.  So awkward because of that.  But here they are.

Wedding:

Who proposed? - Hector.  After several not so subtle hints.  Probably just dropped it into casual conversation, too, like, “Hey, we’re out of coffee, and by the way, I was thinking, and if you’re serious about the whole getting married thing, let’s go ahead and do it.”  Not the most flowery romantic thing, really, but genuine.Who is the best man/men? - Jack, who is probably the most smug bastard on the fact of the planet.  With lots of, “Well, it was nice knowing you, mate”s and “Good luck on that boring domesticity”s.  Jack, it should be noted, has a black eye at the wedding.Who is the braid’s maid(s)? - Anamaria.Who did the most planning? -  Elizabeth.  Hector’s not gonna touch any of it, lbr here.  He knows better.  Because he knows she’s playing that this or that game on purpose and he’s not going to take the bait.  The entire thing is really for her, so if she wants eggshell over white or lace over embroidery, he’s not going to pick either one, because whatever he picks will be wrong.Who stressed the most? -  Honestly, on the one hand, Elizabeth.  On the other, Hector, because he definitely has a moment of no really, what the fuck are you doing considering their lifestyles, his age, etc.  He gets over it, though.How fancy was the ceremony? - Small.  Very small.  Think the most private wedding you’ve been to and make it smaller.  Only the most trusted people in their little circle and there aren’t very many of those at all.Back of a pickup truck | 2 | 3 | 4 | Normal Church Wedding | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Kate and William wish they were this big.Who was specifically not invited to the wedding? -  Just about everyone they know?  Because lbr they know some very Not Good People.  Again, super small wedding (and also less people to see Hector make an ass of himself, lbr here).  Hector is, at heart, a paranoid bastard and while, hey, he knows he lucked out in every department because pretty he’s never been, he’s also not exactly eager to make her a target, or himself a target against her.

Sex:

Who is on top? - Usually Hector but lbr.  Even if it’s Lizzie he’ll still try to be more dominate.  He gonna do as he do.Who is the one to instigate things? -  Even split now, Hector at the first.  Like, look, friendo, have you seen Elizabeth?  There’s nothing wrong with his eyesight or anything else, thanks.How healthy is their sex life? - Barely touch themselves let alone each other | 2 | 3 | 4 | Once a couple weeks, nothing overboard | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They are humping each other on the couch right nowHow kinky are they? - Straight missionary with the lights off | 2 | 3 | 4 | Might try some butt stuff and toys | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Don’t go into the sex dungeon without a horse’s headHow long do they normally last? -  Like we’re not talking marathons here, friend, because that’s completely unrealistic but he’s got a little staying power, jfc, give a man some credit.Do they make sure each person gets an equal amount of orgasms? - Like, look, okay, he tries.  But he’s an assassin, Jim, not a miracle worker.  I’d say it pretty much probably evens out.How rough are they in bed? - Softer than a butterfly on the back of a bunny | 2 | 3 | 4 | The bed’s shaking and squeaking every time | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Their dirty talk is so vulgar it’d make Dwayne Johnson blush. Also, the wall’s so weak it could collapse the next time they do it.How much cuddling/snuggling do they do? - No touching after sex | 2 | 3 | 4 | A little spooning at night, or on the couch, but not in public | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They snuggle and kiss more often than a teen couple on their fifth date to a pillow factory.Children:

How many children will they have naturally? -  On purpose?  None.  I feel like…A modern Hector at that point?  Probably snipped.How many children will they adopt? - 0.Who gets stuck with the most diapers? -  Hector.  Because any kids they have will 100% be an accident (because really, he doesn’t at all want any and so they’d also be Against All Odds).  But he would, hypothetically, and after an awkward stage, take to being a parent well (without his canon background in the way). Who is the stricter parent? -  Elizabeth.Who stops the kid(s) from doing dangerous stunts after school? - E L I Z A B E T HWho remembers to pack the lunch(es)? -  Definitely Elizabeth.Who is the more loved parent? -  I will debate this and say it’s an even split if anything. Especially when said hypothetical kid was little.Who is more likely to attend the PTA meetings?  Elizabeth.  Hector’s not allowed there anymore.  Marcy didn’t appreciate his blunt commentary.Who cried the most at graduation? - Elizabeth.  Hector doesn’t do that crying thing.Who is more likely to bail the child(ren) out of trouble with the law? -  Hector.  Because as scary as he is, Elizabeth’s scarier.Cooking:

Who does the most cooking? - Neither one of them, to be honest.  They’re just not really very good at it.  But if an Attempt Is Made, nine times out of ten it’s Elizabeth that makes it.Who is the most picky in their food choice? -  Hector only because he mostly refuses to change his dietary habits at all.  He’s such a baby about it he had to be plied with gummy multivitamins.Who does the grocery shopping? -  “””Grocery shopping.”””  Hector will only do it if forced or dragged along.How often do they bake desserts? -  Hector?  Not at all.  His idea of baking desserts is…Okay, so.  He’s so terrible at it?  Those pizzas you bake that come with the cookies, too?  He’ll just shove those back in the freezer, because he cannot bake at all.Are they more of a meat lover or a salad eater? -  Elizabeth can keep shoving rabbit food at him all she wants, he’s gonna do as he do.  He’ll do it in front of her to prove a point, because he’s not a cow and he doesn’t want to eat grass.Who is more likely to surprise the other(s) with an anniversary dinner? -  Hector.  Like, look, okay, he can be a real asshole, and he has trouble trusting and all of that happy shit.  But at the end of the day he’s a giant sap who just can’t help himself.Who is more likely to suggest going out? -  It’s true.  Hector is very lazy and will suggest this thing over attempting to cook.  Especially between the pair of them they can make things that are edible but not…Very…Good.Who is more likely to burn the house down accidentally while cooking? -  Elizabeth.  Hector is currently 547 days kitchen accident free.Chores:

Who cleans the room? - Probably Elizabeth (because lbr canon Hector’s not what you’d call neat or organized either).  Hector’s the type to drop wet towels in the bathroom floor when he’s done with them (he’s, sadly, also the type to just walk through naked after the fact and not really care - he’s at home, don’t look if you have a problem with it).Who is really against chores? -  Hector.Who cleans up after the pets? -  Hector, because that’s the one thing he won’t bitch too hard about.Who is more likely to sweep everything under the rug? -  Hector.  Can’t find the dust pan?  Fuck it, no one will know.Who stresses the most when guests are coming over? -  Neither?  Like, if anyone does actually come over it’s probably like Jack, and pfft.  Yeah, it’s just Jack.Who found a dollar between the couch cushions while cleaning? -  Elizabeth.  And it’s probably Hector’s dollar, too.  That change in the cushions she finds, too?  Yeah, probably all his.Misc:

Who takes the longer showers/baths? -   Elizabeth.  He has no idea what she’s really doing in there but when she finally emerges it’s like a flower shop threw up and there’s glitter everywhere.Who takes the dog out for a walk? -  Cats.  (Hector would totally want a dog, though.)How often do they decorate the room/house for the holidays? -  Hardly???  Ever???  Decorations are invitations to be bothered, in Hector’s opinion.  What are their goals for the relationship? -  His?  To not murder Elizabeth.  To not get caught murdering someone for Elizabeth.  And to not get murdered.  In that order.Who is most likely to sleep till noon? -  Both?  Probably?  Hector was once upon a time an early riser but then he met his lazy sod of a girl and now he sleeps in entirely too late thanks to her and simply the way The Job works.Who plays the most pranks? -  Hector.  More verbal ones than anything, but it’s how he’s going to get murdered by Elizabeth.

[confusingawkwardness]

Some personal shit I had to write it down....

Ok, so I need to write this down like last time so I don't forget a single detail...

I woke up at 6 on a Sunday (pretty much early for me) and when I was taking a shower I was like, I can't believe I am doing this good lord, but well at least it's not Vienna, it's fucking Budapest...

So she texted me when I was already on the train, for a moment I just thought that maybe she was gonna let me down since I didn't go to Vienna last time, but just when I was about to leave she texted me that she was also on her way to the train station.

I couldn't sleep the whole way there. Besides the excitement of doing something that seemed so wrong at the moment and the expectation of meeting her once again after 6 months, there was a guy drinking beer in front of me, making me uncomfortable. Thank God the train was at least partially full so he couldn't take advantage of me.

I got to Buda later than I had planned. First I took a toilet stop because I wanted to look good and not like I was getting off of a train, better late than ugly. I bought my daily transport ticket and I went to the other train station to pick her up. When I got there, it was literally full of people, I think there were several trains arriving at the moment, so lots of people (mostly tourists) were crowding the station. I couldn't find her anywhere and to be honest I was getting anxious and nervous about so many people in that place.  I freaked out. In that moment, she appeared out of the blue, told me hi and proceeded to hug. She held me tight and from a moment a bit longer than I was intended so I think she could perceive my awkwardness right away. She didn't go for a kiss, neither did I and on top of that, I got a red face as always. 

After such an awkward moment she told me she had to withdraw some money from an atm so we went to a near one and she got some money. I must be honest, the moment I saw her I suddenly remembered her how she really is, and she didn't look so attractive to me. I thought omg what a fucking mistake I did, but it was too late, she was already there.

After that, we went to the train station and I was starting to feel awkward and anxious again. Being the angel she always is, she didn't care or tried not to care too much, and make up my awkwardness for constant chatting, always asking questions about my life. I swear to god that girl can make me talk like no one else. I told her on the spot my dilemma with my master and the job offerings I got. Just like that.

Anyway, we kept talking and got on the metro. Actually, I had a plan for us to do but we messed it up. We kept talking and talking, we missed the metro station twice, we even got to get off at some place so we could grab a coffee at a McDonald's but we kept talking non-stop. We got outside and tan a bit. If I might say I am a bit proud of my arms, they are not as buffed as I would like but the gym is doing some magic. I caught her staring at my arms and my cleavage sometimes (the sneaky me wore a necklace with a hint of a cleavage, I swear she couldn't keep her eyes off me, score!)...

Anyway, after a long conversation (again, where did that shit about my mom's boyfriend come??), we decided to return to the metro to follow our original plan. Of course, we failed again, so instead, I took her to Margaret island. It was a nice walk, always talking but no kissing and no hand holding. She didn't seem to care (God why am I worth of such an angel?).

We got to Margaret island, walked a bit, laid on the grass exactly like how I imagined us and talked and talked (why are things so easy with her jfc???).. we took a couple of photos, walked to the nearest WC and kept talking  (again where did that shit about my crazy aunt come? ?? Not even my closest friends know about this wtf?)

After a while, we took the tram and got to the vegan restaurant  (she loved it, score for me!). We had some of that vegan food of hers (Jesus does she love it) and talked and  talked (She said that she loves I am such a nerd and I almost lost it). At some moment I thought she wanted to kiss me or at least hold hands but being the awkward fuck I am I didn't have the guts to do it (or at least try to show her it was ok for her to do so).

Then for the 11th time that day, we tried to follow the initial plan and failed miserably. We walked to the Budapest castle but we didn't go inside. Actually, on the way there we saw two girls holding hands AND STILL I DID NOTHING. We kept talking and talking, I really wanted to kiss her in that castle, God why am I so fucking awkward??

But I didn't, I couldn't fuck why oh  why am I so stupid and awkward God just kill me already... we talked about her life, her friend Doris and how she is dealing with cancer, our Christmases, our nye's, religion (or lack of it), politics in my country  (gay adoption anyone?), even my roommate was a topic for conversation, dude, it's always a nonstop with her and it's always so fucking easy...

Then we got back to city center, got some chocolate and espresso and sit down on the basilica.

Fuck and she told me she felt so lonely and that also fucked me up.  Like she doesn't have friends like she doesn't have anyone to share things together and fuck to do shit like this kind of stuff she loves to do with me fml...

Funny thing,  two guys approached us and tried to flirt with us while we were sitting in front of the basilica. LMFAO obviously it was a disaster, and I think I got a bit jealous, I mean of course they didn't notice we were together-together (kind of) and I seriously wanted to tell them to fuck off we're lesbians (yes sitting in front of the fucking basilica this is the 21st century fuck you very much). Anyway, since she's the polite angel she is she didn't turn them down but oh boy I am another thing, I practically told them we were leaving and that was it (fucking fuck boys and their Pablo Escobar cliche)...

We went to this local market and on our way there she suggested she didn't have to go back home that day,  she insinuated that I should skip German class (she could teach me better than all those fuckers anyway) but I couldn't bring myself to it. Fuck and it was so tempting  (she started rambling at some point and said "this is not a one night stand, is it??" and I told her but then we would have to make the walk of shame the following morning so she kept teasing me and me reacting as the awkward fuck I am)..

In this park, where they were having a local market or something, there was a wheel like the London wheel and I decided to go there, fuck this homophobic country and try to kiss the girl up there. I couldn't, FUCK I COULDN'T MANAGE IT, I COULDN'T BRING MYSELF FOR THE BILLION TIME THAT DAY FUCK!!! (50k huf and you did nothing gut fucking gemacht!!!). To be honest, what really stopped me was that in the cabin in front of us there were 3 black girls (looked pretty much spoiled and homophobic to me) and a guy with his son. It was like the two main reasons why I didn't do coupley stuff with her on the streets. Because I was afraid of homphobic people and people saying it is bad for children to see two women together.

It was almost time to go back to her station so we got there, she went to the toilet, we found her train and decided to sit in the fartest bench on the platform. AND FUCK THINGS GOT SERIOUS IN THE LAST 15 FUCKING MINUTES WHY GOD WHY??? I told her everything I was feeling  (for the whole fucking day) I finally collected some courage to hold her hand, I asked her for forgiveness that I felt scared of Budapest people and hungarian homophobia and of fucking course she was the perfect angel she is...

She told me it was ok, that she didn't want to pressure me, that indeed she tried to move on and hooked up with some girl but it didn't work out BECAUSE SHE COMPARED HER TO ME ALL THE TIME AND SHE IMPLIED SHE COULDN'T FORGET ME  JFC WHY DIDN'T I KISS HER ON THAT SPOT FUUUUUCK. With that she destroyed me. Literally. She told me she was willing to wait until I was ready, that we could figure this out together and a bunch of other stuff that fucked me up for real. Oh boy I almost cried in that platform but thank God I contained the tears and tried to be strong for her. At some point she asked me if I think we're friendship (relationship?) was at the getting physical stage and I couldn't look her in the eye BECAUSE DEEP DOWN I THOUGHT IN THAT MOMENT THAT I WANTED TO FUCK HER SO BAD BUT I DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING ELSE...

At the end (fuck why did I have to tell her 15 fucking minutes before her train left fuuuck) we hugged (oh boy I realized I missed her smell). We didn't kiss but I asked her for forgiveness once again for not giving her all  (because she deserves it all fuck). She kept repeating that we would manage this, that we would find a way to be together..

.

Of course, she left me being a mess. I don't know how I got to Nyiugati, how I bought that ticket back to this hellhole of town, how I endured the trip back home, how I got home safe but I did (I met this old lady she was so nice speaking in a mix of english-hungarian-german, and we shared a taxi back home). While I was in that cabin in the ride back home I imagined so many crazy things, I kept staring at the window and imagining things like it was a movie, I envisioned how my future life next to her would be, how my family and friends back in Colombia would react to me being gay, fuck I even thought about naming our girl Lucy HOW FUCKED UP IS THAT...

But now I'm in bed and I think I can sleep in peace knowing that these details won't be forgotten FUCK I AM SO FUCKING SCREWED!!!! I wondered what would have happened if we stayed together one more night in Budapest. We would have probably found a hostel room, or an Airbnb and fucked for sure (she had an extra pair of panties come on!)...

And to make matters worse, I forgot to call my mom for mother’s day (my phone died and it was really late)... I think she’s mad at me for not calling her, but well at least I texted her very early before I met Vienna girl fml...