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starcasticallyyours · 1 year ago

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Jan 4, 2023 - a lovely day!!

I just had a really good day today that I want to make sure I remember so I'm making an honest to god blog, a straight up rambling diary entry. Just like I used to on LiveJournal, wow.

I do not expect anyone to read this. I just want to remember my lovely day. It was filled with nostalgia, good food, history, productivity, genuine exercise(?!), photos, and of course, BTS.

I've been on holiday since December 30th because I have a benevolent boss (perks of working at a small company) who lets our annual leave spill over a tiny bit since it's still "Christmas" break. I was socially engaged the nights of Dec29/Jan1 as well as the afternoon of Dec30, plus I was furiously writing updates for the DnD ficlet collection since it was Tae's birthday and trying to finish up Ch1 of the Regency sequel, Pirate fic, whenever I was at home during this time so it did not feel restful at all. It was only on Jan2 where I could pull a Kim Seokjin and completely sequester myself at home and veg out -- woke up at noon and played Stardew Valley for like, 6 hours. Jan3 required me to be a functional adult again so I cleaned the flat and tried to hash out the pirate fic before realising it was going to take wayyyy more work, so I've earmarked Marryat and Forester books to check out from HK Central when I go to CWB on Saturday. (Apparently Jimin has a massive Dior ad on the Sogo screen, so I will also be going there after my haircut. Whoo!!) Which brings us to January 4th! A Thursday. Historically, Thursdays have been good to me and this was no exception. I woke up later than I intended, around 10 AM, and then the sheer pleasure of being in a comfortable bed without needing to be anywhere stretched my lie-in to 10:30. After the basics of room tidying and washing up, I had leftover pasta for breakfast and played In the Seom while waiting out the 30min I'm supposed to have between eating and taking my Chinese meds. Then it was washing up, getting dressed, packing up the devices after charging them all morning to give myself a little day trip to...

Kowloon City! My childhood 'hood. And now that I've moved back across the harbour, pressing play on The Most Beautiful Moment in Life: Young Forever while walking out the door meant that by the time I got out in Sung Wong Toi station, my earbuds were appropriately blaring Ma City. (Okay, I did repeat Run because that's my favourite title track.) I made a beeline for Islam Food because I haven't had delicious halal Xinjiang cuisine in forever except I was an unfortunate bee with poor scent receptors since I forgot where it was and ended up looping around Nga Tsin Wai for a while... we were on Converse High by the time I found the resto, that's how long it took. At almost 2 PM was nearly full but not proper crowded, and mostly with older people which is par the course for Kowloon City. As a single I got a tiny table in the corner immediately and ordered a classic beef patty + bok choy and tofu soup. If I were with a larger group, I would have also gotten mutton xiaolongbao, scallion pancakes, and a curry so I will have to drag some people here again soon. Food was prompt and only $65 so I was done eating in 20 minutes tops.

Thanks to climate change, it was a balmy sunny afternoon so I stuffed my jacket into my backpack and headed on over to KCP. It's changed a LOT since I was a teenager -- no Park'n Shop in the basement selling eel and chicken rice boxes for $20 anymore, sigh. But I did get a Coco Milk Tea (half sweet, less ice) for $22 which is a VERY good price nowadays, you can't get anything in Central under $27 minimum ($30 on average) for example and it doesn't even taste as good?? But armed with my delicious tea, I was ready to go out the other way into Carpenter Park, which looks literally the same as when I was a kid. I spent a solid decade running around this park. There isn't a bouncy dinosaur anymore so I know it's not exactly the same, but the bicycle paths are the same, the rock garden where Sam filmed his lightsabre battles is the same... and Kowloon Walled City of course is the same.

...from when I was a child, not when it was THE Walled City. (Once, when everywhere at school was occupied, our drama class rehearsed our play in the Zodiac garden much to the tai-tais' collective chagrins.) Full disclosure that I actually came here in mid-December as well to gather inspo and info for my piece for the Ma City zine which is set in 80s KWC, so this time I didn't go look at the exhibits and just went straight to the chess garden since that's the only spot with tables. I set up my laptop and finished the piece to the soundtrack of construction, which I find very appropriate considering the topic. We don't get planes howling overhead anymore, so this will have to do.

Last time, I had to meet friends islandside for dinner so I actually walked up closer to Wong Tai Sin to take the bus but this time, it was only 4:15 and the day was just for me, for me! So after taking some pics in the bonsai garden in honour of Namjoon, I walked back to Junction Road and that was when I started taking pics for nostalgia -- down the street towards Ho Man Tin for the hundreds of times we ran for the bus stop, then up towards Munsang where my old school campus used to be. No, I didn't go to Munsang, I am very clearly an Intl school kid and we were across from them. The buildings are connected to Bethel Seminary which is Grade II protected so still there. I started walking up Junction Road towards Lok Fu when I saw the Stone Houses and stopped by.

These buildings weren't open when I was a kid; I remember passing them but hardly taking notice. Essentially, they are remnants of the oldest tenement buildings in the area, now refurbished as a cafe and museum. The server in the cafe immediately offered me a menu most kindly, but since it was 4:30 and I was already full on tea I politely declined. Checked out the museum though which is small and all in Chinese, no English, but I think the photos and maps would still be worth it for a non-reader. The whole thing strongly reminded me of the Mei Ho House museum and cafe too, even with their menu which is very Hong Kong cha chaan teng-esque. AND they have wi-fi!! So I'm totally planning on coming back for another writing session.

Since it was barely evening, I decided to hike Checkerboard Hill. Back when Kai Tak was still operating, the only way pilots could land planes was to come from the west, over Tsing Yi and Mei Foo Sun Chuen and barely across Kowloon City. With all the urban area underneath, there couldn't be proper signals so what they did was paint an enormous red-and-white checkerboard on the west and south sides of this hill to let the pilots know it was time to make that sharp 47 degree turn into the harbour airstrip. I distinctly recall being a preteen standing in the middle of the asphalt football (soccer to all y'all Yanks) pitch in Kowloon Tsai Park squinting up and thinking, "Why is it painted like that?" Later as a young adult, I found out. Now in my early 30s, I was going to actually go there.

Now ever since my former regular dance studio became a Covid cluster in 2020 and I also joined a choir whose rehearsals took its place on Monday evenings, I am far less fit than I could be. This was evident when I started up this hill -- which was NOT HARD at all, I am just pathetically out of shape. It took less than 15 minutes to reach the summit garden, where I did another confused bumblebee loop looking for the checkerboard and instead found: the electricity station, the weather station, some diligently preserved water tunnels from the 1940s-60s, and an irate woman screaming and swearing at a couple who accidentally took their dogs into the no-pets zone of the park. With the dulcet notes of "diu! bak po!" echoing behind me, I snapped some lovely views of Lion Rock then surreptitiously googled how to get to the checkerboard, discovering that indeed I was supposed to clamber over the stile and carefully tread the VERY narrow ditch outside of the fence (with a super steep slope studded with trees not a foot to the right) to get there.

So I did and the view was beautiful!! I was lucky to reach it at the twilight hour with an orange sun tinging everything as it moseyed on down to the horizon. Facing south you could see all of Kowloon City, all the way to Kwun Tong and Kowloon Bay on the left and Yau Tsim Mong on the right! Directly in front was even the IFC across the harbour. Directly below, Kowloon Tsai Park and those very sports fields from my youth. Somebody named Zach was playing tennis because his partner kept yelling encouragement, but I felt if I cheered "Yeah Zach, you can do it!" back down at them it would be creepy. So instead I took a lot of photos here, including some selfies on the middle layer smack centre of the checkerboard in which it was clear that I truly need a haircut which will happen under Jimin's watchful gaze in CWB come Saturday.

Finally, I climbed down the stairs and was sorely tempted to jump a gate to get into Kowloon Tsai because I know that park like the back of my foot (like, not SUPER well since it's been a long time but I would not get lost; I've run cross country around this park so many times) but in the end was a Good Honest Civilian and went back the way I came. I was feeling incredibly nostalgic at this point, so back on Junction Road I popped in my earbuds and replaced BTS with the Used for that extra mid-2000s angst. Spotify understood the brief and fed me Taking Back Sunday and Yellowcard while I followed the usual path through Morse Park, the way my almost-first-boyfriend Darren taught me in middle school. His favourite band was Jimmy Eat World, so it was perfect. With the memories of Preston's dad teaching me to play baseball on the artificial turf and when Grace came with me to Jusco so we could buy Neopets tamagotchis, I descended into the MTR and took the train home.

(At my stop, I got groceries including sushi for dinner, which I ate while watching Beyond the Star then after a break, took a massage in the chair while playing Stardew because my body is already paying the price for my impromptu hike today. Then I wrote this down before I could forget everything.)

It was a wonderful day, truly. I did everything I wanted to do and a little more, and I know what I want to do again when I inevitably come back. Hong Kong is changing because everything changes, but being in Kowloon City felt like nestling into a warm divot in the blankets. Like Joon said, you couldn't pay me millions to want to be from anywhere else. Like Hobi said, the heat will get to you but it's charged with the passion of its people. I'll be riding and dying in ma city until there's no other choice, which I know is sooner rather than later but for now, it's still Ma City.

#starcastic sighs #in happiness because she had a nice day.#Kowloon City #Kowloon Walled City #Checkerboard Hill #Hong Kong

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dreambook06 · 1 year ago

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Dream from: May 25, 2017

on march 3 i had the most bizarre dream involving our old house. i kept putting off writing it down because i was too “lazy” so i forgot most of it by now but i still retain fragments and will now try to write them down… it gets bad weird so probably dont read this lol

e took over and asked the man if we could come inside…. he said yes and right as soon as you went in the door it was the living room which isnt true to real life and there were like 6 people ,adults, sitting around on maroon-ish leather furniture like couches and the fireplace was still there! i think the room was a different color? and it was some kind of gathering whatever … etc etc forgettingg….. then we wanted to look aroiund the other rooms and he was kind of showing us around etc. dont remember stuff……………….. later the dream felt different & people changed (i dont remember my family being there at all … i think they left & went to a coffee shop thing i dont f r eaking know) then the man showed me upstairs to my old bedroom OMG it was to the left up the stairs just where it always was… but… it was so different…… it was huge! and the closet was tall and narrow and only went back a little bit and inside was this detailed crazy i-spy esque display that was like a mini world with beads hanging like a curtain and little toy figures and objects everywhere and it was really small though once i stuck my head inside, only my head could fit through the opening. i stuck my head inside the closet because i wanted to see if the secret message my dad had written on the back wall right before we moved was still there… i craned my neck upwards but stuff wa in the way and i knocked stuff over and hit my head kind of hard and it felt like it really hit my head… i couldnt see the message. i puled my head out …etc. other stuff happens i dont remember…. the re is a girl in there like around age 9 idk… who is the new owner of the bedroom and she’s changed it up i think but at the same time in another half of the dream / my mind it looks the same only it’s all deteriorated with ripped up carpet and paint peeling off the wall… anyway the girl in there had lots of stuff idk if i ever saw her but she had like a stack of books and old toys and posters on the wall and on the slanted side wall & stuff idont know!!!!!! too vague… like she’d made it all roomy and it made me sad like i dont own this place anymore its not mine and never will be again…etc.etc.etc. then we were going to leave eventually but i needed to stay longer,,,, i wanted to get photos of the place(my bedroom) before i left it, possibly forever! so i had my camera but i hd to go get it? ten i came back and i had my camera and the man said i needed to do something if i want to keep staying at the house , there is a price to getting to go upstairs and take photos as i please. he said i had to have s*x with him and i was so desperate to go back to go back to my room that i had to and i dont remember it happening in my dream but i remember the leading up to it & it felt real & i was kind of getting excited & i was half aware that it was just a fake dream at that point somehow so i didnt really care about anything that was going on because i half felt it wasn’t real anyway… anyway we were fully clothed the whole time and so it was just s*xual stuff but never physical s** . KWIM? .. at least that is what i remember i may not be remembering clearly. it was a dream. anyway then i got to freking go to the bedroom then. i took hundreds pictures of every crack and crevice of the place, even the carpet, in the bedroom, from all different angles, just in case it is gone forevr…i was getting anxious that the camera would run out of space or battery the whole time…then i think the right side of the room wall ripped open to the outside and it was like crumbling like deteriorating - the whole room falling apart… thats all i remember unless i care to access deeper into my head which gives me a headache

Dream from: May 25, 2017

so it was kinda felt like the 2016 trip to the old neighborhood… but dreamlike and out of reality… so we were going to see if the new oowners of the house were home and we walked up the porch and a man answere dm the door? and then my mom who wasnt really like my mom yet it was idk… asked can we please come inside and look around the house? we’re the original owners from when it was first built… -something like that, but she said it really awkwardly and it was really odd like she kept pausing and stumbling on words…. like the words wouldnt come out so i or someone took over and asked the man if we could come inside…. he said yes and right as soon as you went in the door it was the living room which isnt true to real life and there were like 6 people ,adults, sitting around on maroon-ish leather furniture like couches and the fireplace was still there! i think the room was a different color? and it was some kind of gathering whatever … etc etc forgettingg….. then we wanted to look aroiund the other rooms and he was kind of showing us around etc. dont remember stuff………………..

later the dream felt different & people changed (i dont remember my family being there at all … i think they left & went to a coffee shop thing i dont f r eaking know) then the man showed me upstairs to my old bedroom OMG it was to the left up the stairs just where it always was… but… it was so different…… it was huge! and the closet was tall and narrow and only went back a little bit and inside was this detailed crazy i-spy esque display that was like a mini world with beads hanging like a curtain and little toy figures and objects everywhere and it was really small though once i stuck my head inside, only my head could fit through the opening. i stuck my head inside the closet because i wanted to see if the secret message my dad had written on the back wall right before we moved was still there… i craned my neck upwards but stuff wa in the way and i knocked stuff over and hit my head kind of hard and it felt like it really hit my head… i couldnt see the message. i puled my head out …etc. other stuff happens i dont remember…. the re is a girl in there like around age 9 idk… who is the new owner of the bedroom and she’s changed it up i think but at the same time in another half of the dream / my mind it looks the same only it’s all deteriorated with ripped up carpet and paint peeling off the wall… anyway the girl in there had lots of stuff idk if i ever saw her but she had like a stack of books and old toys and posters on the wall and on the slanted side wall & stuff idont know!!!!!! too vague… like she’d made it all roomy and it made me sad like i dont own this place anymore its not mine and never will be again…etc.etc.etc. then we were going to leave eventually but i needed to stay longer,,,, i wanted to get photos of the place(my bedroom) before i left it, possibly forever! so i had my camera but i hd to go get it? ten i came back and i had my camera and the man said i needed to do something if i want to keep staying at the house , there is a price to getting to go upstairs and take photos as i please. he said i had to have s*x with him and i was so desperate to go back to go back to my room that i had to and i dont remember it happening in my dream but i remember the leading up to it & it felt real & i was kind of getting excited & i was half aware that it was just a fake dream at that point somehow so i didnt really care about anything that was going on because i half felt it wasn’t real anyway… anyway we were fully clothed the whole time and so it was just s*xual stuff but never physical s** . KWIM? .. at least that is what i remember i may not be remembering clearly. it was a dream. anyway then i got to freking go to the bedroom then. i took hundreds pictures of every crack and crevice of the place, even the carpet, in the bedroom, from all different angles, just in case it is gone forevr…i was getting anxious that the camera would run out of space or battery the whole time…then i think the right side of the room wall ripped open to the outside and it was like crumbling like deteriorating - the whole room falling apart… thats all i remember unless i care to access deeper into my head which gives me a headache

(it all was way more bizarre & more things happened than i’ve written because i just write the factual things not really the feeling things because its surreal and cant be put into words because it is specific dream feelings only i know) ..

#2017

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let-me-luve-you · 4 years ago

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Overlooked and Overworked

Tom Holland x Sister

Summary: Being Tom Holland’s little sister was great growing up, but after his success she’s a little left behind. Y/N Holland is willing to do whatever for her family because she loves them.

Warnings: Angst, fluff ending, rude Tom, overworked, sleep deprived

A/N: I don’t think Tom or any of the members of the Holland’s would allow this to happen to any member of their family or friends, I just had this idea and wrote it. Also I wrote this back in like January and just now got the guts to post it!

MASTERLIST BUY ME A COFFEE

The past couple of years for you have been an emotional roller coaster. You’ve been so excited and happy to see your brother succeed in his career. It’s always fun to see him on the big screen as someone else. But it’s also been tiring and sad because you feel left out. You don’t get to go to set often, you don’t get to travel with him, and you aren’t a part of his charity. The Brothers Trust is just him and your 3 other brothers. Given you help out way more than all of the brothers. Since you went to school for business, you help your mum and dad with both of their businesses and then run The Brothers Trust.

Tom is the oldest, then it’s you, the twins, and then Paddy. You’re only a year and a half younger than Tom. You were very close growing up, but once he started doing movies, you slowly grew apart. Him and the twins then grew closer. You loved him dearly but it just wasn’t the same since you never felt included. He took Harry to sets with him and on press tours. Sam would join along when he wasn’t working at the restaurant. Paddy would join during school breaks. But every time you would try to join him, he would say no. That he was too busy or too tired. You didn’t want to fight him but you were always crushed.

When he got the role of Spiderman, he decided then he wanted to move out into his own apartment. You offered to help him find a place since you had been looking for yourself. You offered to share a place and split rent but he said he wanted to be completely on his own. But shortly after he moved into his new 4 bedroom apartment, he had Harrison, Tuwaine, Sam, and Harry move in.

“The twins are moving in with Tom. Can you help pack and move them this weekend?” Your dad asked.

“What? They’re moving in with Tom? I thought he wanted his own space?” You asked him.

“He said he wanted to be around people because it was too lonely and quiet. Did you ever find a place? If so, you may want roommates too.”

“No I realized I can’t afford a place in a nice area to live alone. All my mates have moved off to continue their education or they have jobs else where.” You said sadly.

“Tom should of asked you then. I’m sorry y/n/n.”

“It’s fine. He hangs out with all four of them all the time. I would of just been in the way.” You said as you got up and left the room.

It’s been a couple of years and you still can’t afford to get your own place. Between helping run three businesses, you don’t have time to get a part time job. You pay your parents for rent and help pay bills so you are doing adult things. Plus it helps your parents financially. It’s busy season since your mum is picking up gigs for photoshoots, your dad is on tour for standup and his new book, plus you are planning a movie event through the trust as well as trying to get all the merch bagged and shipped. You have been working 14-15 hour days for the past 3 weeks without a day off. You are feeling the tiredness mentally and physically.

Tom has time off from the movie he is filming now. They gave him a month off for the holidays. Him and Harry have been home but all they have done is hung out with friends and go to the pub. You have been holed up in your office/bedroom for 3 days straight. Only to go out to the bathroom and kitchen to grab food.

“Where has y/n been? I haven’t seen much of her since we got home.” Harry asks Tom.

“She might be finalizing the Spies in Disguise event and getting things ready.” Tom responded.

“Oh good. Y/n is great at getting a head start on things so I’m guessing she’s done with all the prep and souvenirs.” Harry smiled. Tom laughed in response.

On Christmas Day, you only came out of your room for breakfast and lunch and then went back in your room to work. No one noticed the bags under your eyes that you tried to hide with makeup. No one noticed you almost falling asleep at the table. No one thought twice about why you spent most of Christmas alone in your room. But you were behind. You still had a lot of orders to fulfill and send out. You still had get all of the souvenirs together for the event that was in two days. You still had to finish sending out your dads orders for his book as well as finalize his January travel plans and stand up dates. Your mum had booked 12 more shoots and you had to finalize times and dates. And everything was supposed to be done in the next week. You finally caved and decided to ask Tom for help since it was his event after all.

“Hey Tom can I have you help me out for a little bit?” You asked him Christmas evening.

“Do you need me tonight?” He asked.

“If you can that would be great.”

“Sorry y/n/n. I can’t. I’m meeting to boys at the apartment.”

“Well maybe they can help too.” You sounded hopeful to get more help to lighten your load.

“No can do. We have drinks and plans.”

“Well then can you come tomorrow morning or early afternoon?”

“Can’t. I have a meeting with my manager to discuss everything that’s coming up and then all of us at the apartment and Paddy are going into the city. Maybe I can help you after the event?”

“No it’s okay. Don’t worry about it. I’ll handle it.” You said sadly as you turned to go back to your room.

“What about Paddy? Or mum or dad?” He asked.

“Paddy has football that mum is taking him to before she does a shoot tomorrow. Dad is working on some other stuff for his January shows.”

“Sam or Harry?”

“Well both will be with you tonight and tomorrow.”

“What about in the morning?”

“Sam has to work remember. And I think Harry is meeting with some mates to catch up with them or something along those lines. It’s fine. I’ve got it handled. Have fun tonight and tomorrow. Be safe. Love you.” You turned and almost ran back to your room. You wanted to break down in tears from being overwhelmed and for not being included in any of Tom’s plans of hanging out and catching up. You’ve barely seen Tom in the past year. Only when he’s in London. You shook the thoughts of your brother out of your head and pulled out a sheet of paper. You wrote down everything that needed to be done. Then on your white board, wrote them down in most important the least important.

First up was getting all of the brothers trust bags done. You went to the storage closest and pulled out everything you would need and set the boxes on your bed. Then you went and grabbed a tote to put the finished product in. It took you until 4 am, but you finally finished putting them together. You went into the kitchen and made you some tea. You went back in your room and marked the brothers trust goody bags off of your list. Next you started finalizing plans for your mum. That just involved organizing times and dates. You finished that around 1030 am. You marked that off the list as well.

Before you emailed all of the clients their dates and times, you went to the kitchen to grab and snack and drink. Your mum was in the kitchen.

“Morning love.” She smiled at you.

“Morning.” You said back waiting on your tea.

“So I’m going to drop Paddy off at football in 20 minutes and then Tom will pick him up to go into the city. I have to go to my shoot. Do you have the invoice I can give them?”

“I do.” You rushed to your room and grabbed it from a folder then went back and handed it to her. “Everything is on there. The deposit has been paid and it shows that as well as the price for the shoot and the editing. It also gives the timeline of when they will get the pictures.”

“Great. This is wonderful. Thank you. Also the theater called and said we can set it up today at 3 pm. Are you okay to handle that on your own?”

You sighed but answered, “yes I can handle it. I finished the bags last night. I just need to print off the papers to put on the seats as well. Plus get the itinerary finished which I will have by tonight so Tom knows what’s going on.”

“That’s great. I’ll be there to take photos as well as Harry but the boys will all be busy with fans and making sure they all feel special.”

“Sounds good. Have fun on your shoot.”

Your mum smiled as her and paddy left the house. You went back into your room and emailed everyone for your mum. Then you printed the brothers trust sheets that said what the event was supporting and how we were thankful for their donations. As those were printing you forgot you had to pick up an order of pictures so Tom could sign them for the guest coming to the screening. You looked up and saw that it was 130 and if you were going to be on time you needed to leave in the next 15 minutes.

After you loaded the goody bags into your car, you drove the 20 minutes to the print shop to pick up the pictures. You then went to the theater and set everything out. It took 45 minutes to lay everything out and make sure it was perfect. You then snagged some photos for Instagram and posted them. By the time you got home it was just shy of 5. You went straight to your room to finalize the itinerary. At 8 pm your mum knocked on the door.

“Hey baby. I’m back. How did everything go setting up wise?”

“It was good. Took longer than expected but wasn’t too bad for being the only one there. Also here is the itinerary for you and dad. I also have one for each of the boys.”

“Wow. This is detailed perfectly.”

“It kind of had to be since Tom has an event to go to tomorrow night and he can’t be late. I figured the more detailed, the less things can go wrong.”

“Fair point. Love I’m not sure if the boys notice the work you put in, but I do. Have you slept yet?”

You looked at her shocked, “what do you mean?”

“I mean that I can tell you are exhausted. I woke up at 2 am last night and heard you in here and saw your light was still on.” She paused and looked at your long list on the white board. “And by the looks of it, you have a long to do list. Do you need help? After we get through the event I can help. I don’t have a shoot for a couple of days.”

“I appreciate mum, but this list needs to be done by then. And everything you can help me with will be done already. But thank you.”

“Did you ask your brothers to help? I mean this is there thing. They should be helping you. Not leaving it to you to do yourself.”

“I asked Tom to help so I could have him do the goody bags for tomorrow but he had a guys night with Sam and Harry and them last night. Then they were all busy this morning and then went into the city. But it’s fine. I did the bags last night. That’s what you heard when you woke up.”

“I’m sorry baby. I’m going to have a talk with him. Have you had a break to just hangout with Tom. I know it’s been a while since you’ve seen him.”

“No he’s always in a meeting or with the boys. But if Tom wanted to see me, he’d make time but when I try, he can’t. But with all this work, I haven’t really done much outside of this room in a while so it’s fine.”

“It’s not fine. You both used to be so close. Almost like you were twins. Weirdly enough closer than the twins have ever been. I hope you two can work whatever this is out.”

“Me too mum. Me too.” You looked at her as she slowly walked out.

After your mum left the room, you got back to work finalizing your dads stuff. Thankfully it was only 12 am when you finished. Deciding to pack all of the orders so you can drop them off to be shipped in the morning, you went and grabbed everything you would need from the storage closet and got to work. You stayed up all night working. You finally finished all the orders at 9 am. When you realized the time you rushed to get dressed and cleaned up as best you could. By 10 am you were out the door to go to the post office to ship the orders and then you were off to the theater to make sure everything was set. By 1pm the rest of your family showed up. And by 2 the theater was full of people who were excited to see the brothers and the movie.

People knew who you were. Everyone knew Tom had a sister. But you did great staying out of the eye of people. None of your brothers posted much about you on social. Your dad mainly posted about Tom and the brothers golf adventures. Your mum would occasionally when she made you model when she was trying something new. So when people arrived, they walk past you and straight to the four brothers who were ready to greet everyone.

When the event started, you weren’t really needed so you went to a back room they had set up for your brothers to relax away from people and sat on the couch. Not sleeping since Christmas Eve was starting to catch up with you but some how you forced yourself to stay awake.

“Y/n we have a problem.” Your youngest brother said as he came in the room. “The movie hasn’t started yet and it was supposed to 15 minutes ago.”

“Okay I’ll go see what’s going on.” You went to the manager of the theater and she explained to you how the light in the projector went out and it was going to be another 20 minutes before it started. She apologized multiple times.

“Hey Tom. Can you do a q&a for 20 minutes or so?”

“No the movie is supposed to be on.”

“They are having technical difficulties and it’s going to take 20 minutes to fix it.”

Tom got annoyed because he knew this was pushing the entire timeline back and it was now be pushing it for him to be on time for his event tonight. “Sure.”

“Thanks. I’ll let you know when we are good to go.”

After 30 minutes. The movie was finally ready to go. Every one was enjoying it and all four of your brothers moved around the theater so the kids felt like they were watching the movie with them personally. When it was over everyone was ushered into a lobby where there was a meet and greet with photos. By the time the boys were done with everyone, it was 20 minutes until Toms next event.

“Great. I’m going to be late. Thanks for that y/n. Why didn’t you have them check everything yesterday?”

“Because I didn’t think of it.”

“So stupid. How could you not think of it? It’s literally the first thing on the list of things to check when prepping the theater. Do your job better. Thats what you are paid to do. I’ll see you later.” Tom rolled his eyes and stormed off. You just stared feeling humiliated since the theater staff and your family had witnessed that. You were holding in your emotional breakdown until you could do it in private.

“Sorry guys. Y’all can go ahead and head out. I’ll clean this up and bring home whatever is ours.” Sam, Harry, and Paddy saw this as a get of jail free card and booked it out of the theater. Your dad came by and kissed you on the head and said I have to finish up some work and headed out. Your mum looked at you sadly.

“I’ll help you baby.”

“No it’s okay mum. Go edit the photos so we can get them sent out.” You smiled at her.

“It’s okay. I can do them later tonight.”

“Mum seriously. Go home. I got this. I’ll be home later. You kissed her on the cheek as you walked back in the theater. You thankfully left the tote yesterday which made it easier to put everything in. You put the tote in your car and headed back in the theater to sweep and clean up the mess. By the time you got home, it was 9 pm. You had been up for 61 hours straight. You were exhausted. You just wanted to sleep. But Tom was home and he was livid.

“What the hell?” He asked.

“What?” You asked back.

“You know I got yelled at by my manger for 30 minutes about how I was irresponsible and immature for being almost a hour late to the event tonight?”

“Why did you get yelled at? You were doing stuff for charity. He should get over it.”

“He was mad because SOMEONE told him I would be done with our event in plenty of time to go to this other one. And when I told him there was technical difficulties because that same SOMEONE didn’t do their job, he got even more mad.”

“I get that I probably should of checked but things happen Tom. Okay? Things I can’t control. Things the theater can’t control. I did this entire event by myself. Sorry for not checking but other than the delay the people loved it and we raised money which is okay because our charity now can help so many more.”

“You didn’t do this by yourself. We all help. And our charity? Our? You mean mine? Sams? Harry’s? Paddys? It’s our faces that make that charity. And when something goes wrong we are the ones that look bad. Not the person behind the scenes that only does some of the work.”

You looked at him like he was a stranger. What he said broke your heart. That’s what he really thought? You just shook your head lightly and walked to your room. You shut the door and locked it.

“Really Tom?” Your mum asked as her and your dad walked in during the argument.

“Yeah mum. We do all the work and she’s trying to take the credit. We’ve all noticed and it’s getting out of hand. You do more than she does.”

“Tom I’m extremely disappointed in you right now.” Your dad said.

“Tom she does all of the work. The planning, the scheduling, the packaging, social media, distributing the money, and figuring out all the ways we can make money to help those smaller charities.” Your mum added.

“She does?”

“Yes Tom. On top of helping me and your father with our businesses. We’ve seen you more than her this past month because she’s been so busy.” Your mum said.

“Wow.”

“Did you know she was up until 4 am on Christmas night so she could finish the goody bags before we had to prep the theater. That she had those pictures printed so you could sign them for the guest. That she made an itinerary so detailed that nothing could go wrong. Except she didn’t account for technical difficulties. She set up the theater and cleaned the theater all by herself. None of us helped her. We just showed up for the event.” Your mum said.

“Tom have you not noticed how exhausted she looks? It looks like she hasn’t slept in days. She’s trying her best to handle everything so we can have everything run smoothly for us. She even mentioned your event and how she needed to get you out of there so you wouldn’t be late. We’ve all been horrible to her by letting her do this by herself.” Your dad said.

“I... I didn’t know. I’m going to go talk to her.”

Tom got up and knocked on your door. He couldn’t hear anything so he tried opening it. He noticed it was locked and went to his old room and found the key you gave him years ago. When he unlocked it he noticed the mess around your room of boxes, plastic, mail bags for packages, and stacks of papers. He saw you on your bed and saw you were asleep. He went over and tucked you in. He went to your desk and saw the white board with everything marked off under the to do list. He then looked on your desk and saw how your mum and dads plans were finalized. He knew you mentioned everything when you asked him for help Christmas night and now you were done with it. Even all the orders were done and he saw the receipt from the post office proving the orders were shipped. He felt horrible knowing the only way that you got everything done was by staying up all night.

He turned and walked back to you and finally noticed the bags under your eyes. As well as tear stains that he knows he’s the cause for. It broke his heart knowing he was the cause. It also broke knowing that you asked for help so you wouldn’t fall in the deep end, but by saying he couldn’t help, he pushed you in and watched you drown without even realizing.

He gave you a kiss on the head and got up and quietly walked out.

“What time did y/n wake up on Christmas Day?”

“From what we know, maybe around 8 or 9.” Your dad said. Tom sat there quietly while doing the math in his head.

“61 hours.” He suddenly said.

“What?” Your mum said.

“61 hours. That’s how long she went without sleep. She asked me for help and told me why and I said no. She’s finished the list. She’s organized both of your stuff. She’s packed and shipped out all of the orders. She did everything for the event. She hasn’t slept. She’s asleep now but it was 61 hours. How could I let my sister do that? How did I not see it?” Tom asked his parents. They looked at him in shock.

“My poor baby” your mum said.

“We will talk to her tomorrow when she wakes up.” Your dad said.

“I want to be here when she wakes up so I can apologize. I’m going to go see her again.”

He got up and walked to your room. He quietly started cleaning up the mess left from packaging orders. He then laid on the other side of your bed thinking about how he messed up so bad. Shortly after he fell asleep too.

-——————

Around 7 am you woke up still exhausted but you needed a glass of water. When you went to throw the blanket off of you, you saw Tom asleep in your bed still in his clothes from the night before.

You were confused as to why he was in your bed, but you chose to ignore him. You stood up and went to the kitchen. Your mum was already cooking breakfast.

“Morning baby. How’d you sleep?” Your mum asked.

“Alright. I’m probably going to catch a few more hours. Just needed water.” You said. “By the way, do you know why Tom is in my bed?”

“He felt bad about how he has treated you lately.” She said. “He figured out you went 60 something hours without sleep.”

You looked at her shocked and sat down. She came over and gave you a hug.

“Why did you do that to yourself? Why didn’t you ask for help?” Your dad said as he joined both of you in the kitchen.

“You were working on new stuff. Mum had shoots and a house to run. I asked Tom and thought maybe him and the boys could help but they had plans. It needed to be done before the new year and definitely needed to be done before the event.”

“We appreciate you so much baby girl. I hope you know that. You do a lot for this family and this family isn’t great at giving back. We do love you.” Your mum said as she gave you a kiss on the head. “Now please go get some sleep. Sleep all day if you’d like and I can bring you food later.”

You smiled at her and walked back to your room. Tom still hadn’t moved. You sat your water on your bedside table and crawled back under the covers. You turned your back towards Tom. You were still really saddened by his words last night, that you didn’t want to face him yet.

“Y/n/n are you awake?” You heard Tom whisper.

“Go back to sleep or get out.” You said back not opening your eyes.

“I’m sorry y/n. What I said last night was wrong. I didn’t realize you do everything for our trust. I thought mum and dad did it all. I know you’ve been killing yourself to try and catch up then get ahead, but you can’t do that to yourself. You need proper rest. I’m going to make sure you never do the 61 hours straight again. I’d rather myself do it before I let you do it again.”

“Tom it’s okay. But seriously. Leave or go back to sleep.”

“No it’s not okay. I’ve royally fucked up. I’ve let us get so far apart we are almost strangers to one another. I have a charity that doesn’t even have your name on it and you do all the work. You make sure my fans are happy as well as making sure we help other small charities. You’re absolutely amazing and I’ve treated you like shit for the last few years. I don’t even give you the time of day. I promise you this, I will do better. We will be like we used to. Even if I have to kidnap you and take you with me different places. I love you and I don’t want to be the one hurting you anymore.”

You rolled over and looked at him with tears in your eyes. Your brother finally recognized you for you. He finally realized what he’s done.

“Thank you Tom. I love you too.”

He smiled at you and leaned over to give you a hug and kiss on the forehead.

“It really means a lot that you said that. But can I please go back to sleep. I’m still exhausted.” You said.

Tom pulled you to him so your head was on his chest and shoulder. And he cuddled you so you felt protected from all the horrible things that can go wrong for you.

“Get some sleep and when you wake up, me and you will hang out. Just the two of us.” Tom said. You smiled as you drifted back to sleep.

#tom holland #tom holland sister #brother!tom holland #holland!reader #tom holland x reader #tom holland x sister!reader #angst #fluff ending #the brothers trust #tom holland facfic #tom holland one shot #tom holland imagine #y/n holland #tom holland fanfiction #tom holland x y/n #brother!tom holland x sister!reader #tom holland angst #holland!sister

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extremelyblackandwhite · 4 years ago

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innocence - 03

PAIRING: bodyguard!bucky barnes x innocent actress!reader

WARNINGS: age gap

A/N: i’m gonna name this chapter symbolism i don’t even know how to much to thank you guys for all your support, i am so so happy you’re enjoying it. much love xx

NEXT CHAPTER

Hiding, being a ghost story.

Bucky knew too well about that. He knew perfectly how not to get any attention, even with a metal arm. He could disappear in the middle of crowds without much thought and even now he felt like he had too, he was still something other than human, half machine no matter how much Steve tried to tell him he wasn’t. He was no longer Sergeant Barnes, the longer time went by the more he forgot about him but he would always be the Winter Soldier. His name would always be associated with the attack on the UN, the blood from his victims would forever invisibly stain his hands, the Washington attack photos would forever be searchable and ready for someone to see.

Y/N didn’t know how to disappear. She knew how to become other people, how to be the person other people know. No matter how many wigs, how much makeup or how many times she changed eye colour, she could always see herself in the mirror, it was always her.

As she stepped outside her bedroom, Bucky took a long look at her. Y/N wasn’t ordinary, she was always polished, remarkable and as such Bucky had to make her look like any other girl in New York. Dark jeans and shirt with a musky dark green jack. Hair was done with a matching black cap sitting on top of it.

- Sunglasses. - he pointed out, noticing her dark shades laying next to her keys by the kitchen. - Cover the eyes and people normally can’t pick you out a crowd.

- We can leave through the garage. - she grabbed her keys and bag from the hanger.

- Do you have a subway card? - he asked her as he opened the door to her flat.

- We’re taking the subway? - she sounded excited as she followed behind him like a lost puppy. Bucky once again thought she was going to be eaten alive, in a city she didn’t know with people ready to put her face on billboards for the small price of her soul. He wondered if she would sell it willingly or if it would be stolen from her. Maybe it would be stolen while she was blinded by the flashlights, sucked off her small body. - I’ve never been in the NY subway.

- It’s not that exciting.

- It’s a subway system that takes you everywhere. How can that not be exciting? - her hand wrapped around his once more, not caring it was holding metal rather than flesh, as to pull him out the door before he could change his mind. His eyes looked down to where their hands connected as she kept walking ahead having Bucky removed any resistance from her steps.

Y/N merely looked in front, far away from the four walls which enclosed her in a house which as time faded started to no longer feel like home. Her heart was pounding, running like wind on a storm as the agency’s words rushed through her mind. She could get shot, she could get kidnapped, hurt. Yet, he seemed to make her feel somewhat safe. Maybe it was her subconscious telling her the Winter Soldier never lost of a battle or maybe her brain was smarter than her consciousness.

They took the stairs down from her floor to the garage, the lights turning on one by one as they made more progress through the worn out pavement which had tire marks and oil stains. This was more of what Bucky’s world looked like, stained, used, worn out, not needing replacing just staying there, fading away over the mocking lights.

- What are you looking at? - she stopped, feeling the resistance his feet were creating with the ground. Her eyes gazed from his hand to his eyes which were frozen onto the oil spill on the ground. - Oh, Mr. Andrews’ beloved car broke down and spilled oil all over the floor. He refuses to have it clean, says it reminds him of his lost car.

Bucky removed his gaze from the ground, giving her a reassuring nod, this time with him starting the walk yet she still stood ahead of her. Her feet finally touched the outside of her apartment, the sounds of cars and other vehicles along with the indistinct chattering of people walking around. While immersed and happy to be outside without a higher up member of her agency, her body seemed to reject this, taking a few steps back until her heel hit the point of Bucky’s shoes.

- You are gonna be alright, Y/N. - his hand moved over hers. - Trust me.

- What if they discover? I don’t want to ruin things.

- They won’t. Come on, you can’t experience the subway if you don’t walk to it.

New York, everybody knew about New York, everyone sang about it. Y/N like any non New Yorker knew the city from the representations she had seen in media. From the shining lights of Broadway, the Empire State Building where lovers meet, Central Park’s countless green patches, Times Square in New Year’s Eve to the stairs of the MET on television. Walking New York and watching New York were different things and she didn’t know what place to look with more wonder than the other.

Bucky had told her it took an hour on the subway to reach Coney Island but she still looked at the rushing horizon with the same curiosity of an animal leaving hibernation. He found it different to watch her watch his home, she had different eyes from tourists, eyes which longed to discover the very foundation of an overbuilt city. His eyes moved from her figure, hand still over hers, to look around the subway. There weren’t any people looking at them, most of them lost in books and their phones, too busy to look at her. Nevertheless, their heads, despite their gaze being glued to any type of media, still seemed to flow her way in some sort of magnetism he didn’t really understand.

As they came to their stop, her eyes seemed to still remain a diamond shine, looking around as he walked a path that was too familiar to him. Looking up he saw it, looking exactly the same as it did when he was a little, the Cyclone. Her eyes looked up too, bashing in wonder of what stood in front of her.

- It’s wondrous, isn’t it? - she held his hand as she rushed through the crowds. - I can’t believe this is just here.

- It’s been here for a while. - he commented, looking around for long but not long enough until she pulled him towards a salesman cart. His eyes left her sight for the first time in the day, looking around to the place he seemed to remember in shades of black and white or sepia, a distant memory. His memory seemed to wrap time around the place and almost like hallucinations he could see spectres of people that no longer walked the living.

- Thank you. - her voice broke him out as his eyes returned to watch her over her. She held two cones of cotton candy one blue and other purple, a smile on her lips. Y/N extended him one which he suspiciously took in his hand. - It’s just cotton candy, Bucky.

- I know. - he sighed, remembering how he and Steve would save any penny they found on the ground to buy sweet treats in Coney Island. - What do you wanna do?

- I don’t know. What do you suggest?

- I’m just here to accompany you. We’ll do whatever you want.

- Let’s win a big Teddy Bear. - she started rushing through the crowd again until one of the stalls with fake guns and duck like targets. Bucky let out a mindless smile as she grabbed the gun in the complete wrong position yet still held the confidence of someone who was a trained shooter. Not to his surprise, she failed miserably, a little pout settling on her lips. - Well ... can’t be good at anything.

- Let me try. - she handed him the prop gun which he propped onto his shoulder before locking gaze with the target, sending a shot straight through the wooden duck once, twice and thrice. The man at the stall rejoiced, clapping at him before pointing at the stuffed animals atop them. - Come on, pick one.

Y/N looked at the stuffed animals above her, all too big and probably would call for attention on the subway ride back home. Her attention was although locked on a small fuzzy black teddy bear nailed to the wood of the stall by its bow. She pointed up to the toy in turn making the man pick up a ladder and remove it for her. Bucky’s gaze once again left her as he noticed a small shack that seemed to have colourful memories in his psyche. Noticing this, Y/N placed her hand over his arm.

- What’s wrong? - she questioned, afraid there was any danger lurking.

- Just a memory. - he replied before turning to her but she was much too curious to let it go, gaze also locking on the little shack. - Used to be where they’d held the best leg competition.

- Sounds a bit sexist. - Y/N remarked.

- Never said it wasn’t. - he sighed. - We used to sneak through the back until we were caught.

- Should we sneak in too? - before Bucky could remark what a terrible idea that was, the actress was once again pushing him to the small shack, going around the back where no one was standing.

The soldier was about to scold her that this would definitely catch some unwanted attention when Y/N opened an old wooden door, going through it which meant he had to go after her. As they both stepped into a building which had been closed for more than 50 memories, his colourful memories started to turn black and white. The once fully lighted, velvet walls of the theatre like shack were worn out, paint chipping away and velvet hanging from it. The signs were broken, some even painted over by spray cans. There was a light layer of dust on the ground and the whole building held itself by the already showing wooden foundation rotting away with time. Time catches up to everything.

Bucky looked at the seats which were almost never filled as men would almost jump on stage to see the girls legs who would giggle at the attention. The stage still seemed to hold some glory with its burgundy curtains worn out by the signs of time yet still magnificent. Y/N jumped the barrier that separated the stage from the sitting area, the wooden boards creaking as she looked around. A theatre always felt like home. He merely looked from the sitting area, a sight that probably everyone who’d seen her play had watched before.

- It’s magnificent, isn’t it? - her fingers traced the heavy curtains before turning to Bucky who had sat on the front row.

- It’s old.

- Everything is. - she replied, her eyes roaming around the broken lights, trying to picture what this looked like during its hay days. - Reminds me of old musicals.

- Well then maybe you should sing. - he joked. - You did say you’d do whatever I wanted.

- I’m afraid I would break the wood more than it already is.

- Come on. - he teased and she looked up to the ceiling before looking to her feet and to the side.

- I follow the night can't stand the light. When will I begin to live again ... One day I'll fly away, leave all this to yesterday. What more could your love do for me? When will love be through with me? Why live life from dream to dream and dread the day when dreaming ends?

taglist: @disasterbii @lookiamtrying @buckysteveloki-me @nsfwsebbie @americasass81 @jamesbarnesappreciationclub @lostinthebeans @mariahthelioness29 @buckyandsebastian @peaches-roses-sins @theadorasabditory @sipsteacasually @tonystankschild @saiyanprincessswanie @booktease21 @noiralei @learisa @everythingisoverrated @uglipotata72829 @naturalthrone22 @husherstan @mandiiblanche @vicmc624 @newyorkgoddess @itsallyscorner

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lockdownuk · 4 years ago

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Lockdown Diary Part 9

A personal account during the lockdown in the UK due to the Covid-19 outbreak.

23/03/2020 8:30pm Boris Johnson, UK Prime Minister, gives a live address to the nation to, effectively, put the country on lockdown to stem the spread of the deadly coronavirus strain, Covid-19.

Many of us have been self-isolating for days but this latest development within the UK in reaction to the pandemic feels very serious and very scary. I decided to keep a simple diary and where better but online.

Day 241: Shit day at work. To cut a long story short, I could complete a task Sueanne gave to me and then I got it in the ear, including a snotty email ay 5:40pm. Pissed off.

Day 242: Had a meeting with Sueanne (our weekly 1-2-1 actually) and she was alright. I feel much better tonight. Last night I didn’t even have an appetitie - unheard of! Going to make up for that tonight, pie and loads of veg! A much better day. Ridiculously, I believe yesterday was all my own fault - I take work for granted sometimes and I let myself down by ignoring the urgency of a task just because it was Sueanne asking me to do it and she was a peer. She is now my boss, and I should respect that.

Day 243: So-so day at work. It’s strange how used to work I am after over six months on furlough. It’s been less than two months back but all the highs and lows amd frustrations are commonplace. Most importantly, it being Thursday, I cannot wait for tomorrow eveninga dn to kick back, drink and smoke. Spoke to dad this morning, he’s same as...that’s always good to know. Sugar levels have been a fucking roller coaster today, and it has really fucked me off! No salad at lunch due to them being so fucking high when I got back from my walk. It ended up being my tea. Sarted watching The Undoing...it’s OK.

Day 244: Glad it is Friday. Just cooking a (very hot) chicken madras, cracked open my first beer. Gonna eat, drink, smoke and watch a good film.

Day 245: Gold was the film I watched last night, with Matthew McConaughey and it was a good choice. I then watch a Kevin Hart stand up show on Netflix...very Eddie Murphy, very funny. I did a 12 km walk today...fucking felt it in my legs. Walked the footpath from Stoke Doyle road to Benefield road for the first time. I liked it and it comes out between Lytham Park and Wakerley Close....I posted on FB about the fact that when I move to Oundle, Clifton Drive was the last street heading out of town. Saw Becks on the walk down Benefield road, She mentioned she’s tired of lockdown. I replied that I’m tired of the virus!

Day 246: Up at 1pm, nice long walk, ordered new slippers and waterproof jacket (my Craghopper is bust again).

Day 247: I screwed up at work today, went for a (ridiculously) late lunch right when I was meant to be at an online meeting that Sueanne had reminded me about in the morning. There’s mitigation but, when push comes to shove, I fucked up and now Sueanne’s on the warpath - one more slip up and it’ll be an offical disciplinary matter.

Day 248: Suzanne wants me to troubleshoot a ticket she has in her queue, some database request for a Cork guy. It’s a test and it’s fucking me off.

I did testing for a network change tonight...8 till 11:15pm.

Elliot and Aaron cleaned the windows today. It was nice to see them.

Rita sent a couple of emails recently. Dad’s ear is all clear but Paul has got testicular cancer.

Day 249: New waterproof jacket arrived today. It’s very nice, bargain for £25 odd. Also picked up slippers from M&S food hall in Corby so, while over their, did a shop at Tesco’s...£109 mainly booze.

By the time I was back, I ended up doing my evening walk at 9.30pm!

Day 250: Leigh from Oundle Chronicle has got back to me. She (he?) has selected the photos that are going to be in the article and wants me to write a sentence on each - where they were taken and what inspited me to do so. Whether that means the stuff I wrote before is not going to be used, or not, I dunno! New slippers are OK and the new jacket is still impressing me.

Day 251: Typing on Day 252. Usual Friday, beers, meatballs, pizza, long chat with Fog. I should mention that, as we approach the end of Lockdown2 in England, Boris and his government have laid out a three tier structure for how the second lockdown will be eased. It’s caused confusion and consternation across the board. None of it affects me, still isolating like I was on day 1. Day 252: Totally forgot about my diary entry yesterday! Up at 1pm, nice long walk, nipped rong Elliots to pay for my windows, had a chat with him, Artron and Camilla - it’s so nice to socialise! Gonna make fish pie and supp a few ales. Day 253: The weekend is over way too quickly. It’s 7.30pm on Sunday as I type and I wish it wasn’t. I wish it was 7.30pm on Friday. Day 254: In a meeting, a working Zoom, with Andy Ashler in the US re: qfiniti, which Sueanne pissed me off about earlier in te day (RCI diary updated), but the meeting went well. I am desparately trying to buy an iPad on Black Monday. As usual with tech, I cannot make my mind up which to buy! Day 255: I haven’t bought an iPad....I’ll wait for the 10.2″ iPad to come down in price. I had more involvement with Andy Ashler and in the US with the Qfiniti project at work. I’m really enjoying it, it’s very technical...although I didn’t finish ‘til 6pm because of it. The Oundle Chronicle is out and an article about me and my pics is on the back page. Leigh, the editor, sent it to me electronically. It’s good. I am chuffed! Day 256: I booked some holidays today, making sure that I didn’t include any days off in the week December 14-18 (SB’s off). So, this coming Friday (4th Dec), Next Weds-Fri and Monday 21st. I know I have only been back from Furlough a couple of months but I am more than ready for some kick-back time. 1-2-1 with SB today, it was a relaxed affair, most espcially becaus eof my success thus far with the Qfiniti project - that being said, I got pretty much nowhere with it today. Ordered a couple of long sleeved Ts and a fleeced hoody from a shop called Doubletwo today, well cheap in the sale. I saw half a dozen joggers on the Milton Road blind bend tonight, oblivious to any other potential path user. I posted about it (in my own, sarcastic way) on the Oundle Chatter FB group. It was met how I’d expected plus some direct digs so I deleted it. Cowardly but, I figure, I don’t get my point across, the vast majority of joggers really don’t think they are doing anything wrong by bulldozing there way around town and, lastly, I couldn’t be bothered with the flak, and its tennis like back-and-forth!

Day 257: Got tomorrow off so worked late tying up loose ends, including the qfiniti project - fucking nuts really, making sure no one asks any questions of SB or the team, in terms of my work load, for just one day off! Still, just had tea, cracked open a beer and am watching Shaun of the Dead. Nice.

Day 258: The main thing I did today is walk. It was about 12km but felt much longer ‘cos it was wintry, pissing down, windy and slippery as fuck. And I really enjoyed it! Badge messaged me today to ask how I am and, in replying, I mentioned that I think I am becoming addicted to walking...it wasn’t a throwaway comment. Just cooked up a chilli (which I think I have ruined with a Knorr beef stock pot), and will tuck in with beers, smokes and telly. While it’s been a day off, this Friday evening will be as all others are at the moment, late, drunken and solitary fun - no doubt.

Day 259: Typing on day 260. That chilli last night was actually OK. Plus I ‘invented’ a meatball wrap - moving on from the TikTok ham and cheese wrap you fold into the toaster, I tried the same with meatballs but no fucking way could I fold it into the toaster slot (pissed up kitchen shenanigans), so I wrapped it in tin foil and heated it in the oven, Fucking delicious. I watched Shaun of the Dead. I think it’s the first time since its release and I couldn’t help thinking “zombies just aren’t like that [in real life]” Wtf?

Day 260: I was quite sensible (for a Saturday) last night, in bed by 2am, up at my alarm this morning, 10:30am. Nice long walk, taking in a new path up by Biggin Grange and took plenty of pics that turned out really good. Btw, posh lost yesterday at Portsmouth (with 2000 fans there) and they lost midweek and last weekend in the FA Cup to Chorley, at home.

Day 261: It’s freezing today...actually 0 degrees. This house is so fucking cold, even with the heating on.

Day 262: Typing on day 263. Last day of work for 5 days. Beers are in order. And a sausage casserole. Day 263: I completely forgot to do a diary entry yesterday....concentrating on starting my work break off on the right foot, which I did. As a result, I didn’t get up until 1pm. So, to stop that sort of day wasting, no beers tonight. Just got back from a shop (£90 in Tesco’s), trying to sort out Romiley’s Christmas present, then something to eat (more sausage casserole) and a early, sober night.

Day 264: So, after abstinence last night, I was up before 11am and did a walk that included the track from Benefield Road to Monson Way past Park Wood. It was fucking hard work due to mud. I have lost coumd the amount of times I nearly slipped right over. Throw into that a hypo, the 12-13km walk was tough. Sorted out Romiley’s present (guitar stand, music stand and guitar exercises book). Took soime nice photos today as well which I’ve prepared and shared. No booze today/tonight either. Some break, a younger me would say!

Day 265: Friday, and I am typing with a beer, balti on the hob and I am just gonna choose a film and roll a single skinner. I am knackered. Up at 10am, cleaned the hall and stairs after a 10km walk. Also, I spoke with dad who is, as always, fine.

Time to make up for the last two sober nights.

Day 266: I am typing this on day 267. So drunk last night I left nearll a full can of beer and went to bed in my jogging bottoms and t-shirt. I have had a day off from any exercise at all which felt very odd. A few beers and watched Snatch. Day 267: While I was nowhere near drunk last night, due to sleeping in late (2pm) I was up ‘til 3am watching TikTok so today I struggled out of bed at just before 1pm. Watch the start of the season’s final GP (Verstappen won from pole and it was boring af), back on the exercising including a 9km walk. Back to work tomorrow which I feel totally conflicted about! Posh won yesterday at home to Rochdale (with the allowed 2000 fans) 4-1 including a 17 minute first half hatrick from Jonson Clarke-Harris.

Day 268: Back to work - Sueanne’s off and it’s the first day I’ve been at work with Jon in charge which involves a daily ‘SUMO’ (whatever that acronym stands for?) at 9.30am every day. I am still involved with te qfiniti upgrade project which seems to have taken a step backwards in the 3 days I had off, so I was working until gone 9.30pm! I have decided to do a quiz, hopefully for Christmas, whereby I don’t want the actual answers (to 25 particular questions, all with a common theme in the answer), merely an omitted question!

Day 269: Stand Up Meeting Online. SUMO. Ian Bird told me. I might struggle with double Y for my quiz. Work was OK, more Qfiniti stuff. Posh drew away to MK 1-1. Posh were 0-1 up but Lincs lost at home. I can’t undertsand why that pleases me so....oh, yeah I can Steve Dee.

Day 270: Struggling to order Dad and Rita booze for Christmas without it being a Morrison’s delivery that I can do through Amazon Prime. That would be OK but it’s just a bit clinical! Meanwhile, now I am paying for Prime, and they are showing some Premiership games (for example, tonight I watched Liverpool v. Spurs (2-1), I really have to contact Sky - I am paying £71pm atm! Sam posted pic of her Christmas tree but mentioned how she’s finding it hard to get in the spirit - Paul has testicular cancer and the outlook is bleak - fuck know’s what she’s going through with all that, trying to shield Romiley from the worst without lying!

#diary #Tumblr diary #lockdown #COVID19 #lockdownuk

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professordrarry · 5 years ago

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In Six Parts

It is absolutely unconscionable to post something this long on Tumblr. I'm really hoping you'll just forgive me... (warning for acknowledgement of the existence of sex)

Part one.

In which several things are revealed, not the least of which is that Harry Potter is apparently gay now.

Well, no. Not gay. Pansy would kill him for saying gay.

Do I constantly insist that you are straight Prince Malfoy of the ridiculous? Then stop saying I'm gay. I'm queer. Bi if you must, but enough with the gay.

So. No. Not gay.

But Draco knows the important part is the disastrous reality that if Harry Potter is capable of being attracted to men, as this first authorised biography would suggest, then Draco is even more pathetic than he was before. Because if there is a possibility of Draco's exhausting little crush being reciprocated, then the fact that they have been fighting even more than normal, and not just on the pitch, just becomes hopelessly depressing.

The hate and anger have always made Harry sexy and alluring in very indecent ways, since Draco despised simpering affection or softness, preferred to have a bit of fight with his fuck. The only time Draco ever felt he was close to understanding Harry was when they had spent time together on the Quidditch pitch in years before. And that time is past.

There is a war and a half between them now, and Draco understands less than ever about the world.

Part two.

In which Draco learns that Harry died. Not, 'was gravely injured or lost consciousness' or 'medically had no heart beat'. But actually fucking died.

That awful, insedious man had had the audacity to fucking cease to exist for a moment. As though the world would have just carried on, unchanged.

He is livid for the entire next day. He beats Harry in a head-to-head training ritual by using sheer brute strength, knocking one side of the podium off kilter so that it goes into Harry's path and he misses the snitch by a fraction of a second. The move is illegal, and Mora threatens him with a three game suspension, but Draco hits the showers feeling better.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" Harry snipes at him a moment later, throwing his leather shin strap at Draco's head. He ducks neatly out of the way.

"Pulling a dangerous fucking maneuver like that on a team mate in a practice."

"Just get out of my way, Potter. Don't be a sore loser."

The sneer is fake and Harry seems to feel it. He scrunches up his nose, wrinkles his forehead, pauses for a second before huffing and walking away. Draco knows he'd have thrown a punch—or worse—had Potter asked him what was wrong.

Part three.

In which the details of the the few years after the war appear. It is more than Potter has ever been willing to divulge. Draco knows because he's read all the articles.

The details are specific. The start of a very promising Ministry career, the painful burn out. The decision to try out for the Beacons, the minor league team that doesn't quite understand who they have on their pitch until they are faced with the best Seeker anyone has seen in over thirty years. The quick rise from the lower levels, fame upon fame dragging him out of the gutter against his will.

Potter has been reclusive since the moment he joined the team. He doesn't travel to away games with them, doesn't stay in the same hotels, doesn't come to team meals. Draco thought he understood why; after all, it took him a year to be dragged away from his own ghosts and made to be human again. A year of badgering and pestering from the captains that if he wanted to be on the team, he had to learn to trust them.

But no one seemed to badger Potter. It infuriated Draco.

Until he reads part four.

In which the government is using Potter as a political scapegoat. In which photos of his every romance, affair, and—most terribly, of family vacations with his very young God children—surface every time he tries to rejoin the public eye.

In which there is a price Potter has to pay for any haphazard, youthful mistake. A price that takes the form of his worst memories, all of which are lauded as heroism. A price of headlines that exclaim his return to normalcy, even a decade late. Harry Potter is not allowed to be 'Harry Potter, incredible, talented Quidditch star' without also being 'Harry Potter, saviour of the world'.

And Draco stops in his tracks.

It's dumb, of course it is. He should have understood this about Potter's life. Fame is one step to the left of notoriety. Draco understands the latter more than anything else in the world.

They have Tuesdays and Wednesdays off after travel games and Draco has gone home instead of to the pub. He's too tired, run ragged by being put on first string for the first time since Potter's arrival. The man himself took mysteriously 'ill', though Mora would give no details.

Draco finishes the book on a Tuesday night, a glass of scotch in his hand. It's the third, or possibly fourth. He doesn't care that he is drunk, even though that is why the quote breaks him in half.

"You took it all from me," Potter said patiently, holding out a book filled with cut out articles from the Prophet. "I was just a kid. No one seemed to care, ever, about that. All I want now is a minute to breathe. Maybe fall in love. Maybe even make some mistakes I'll regret in fifty years. Can anyone tell me that their hopes are different than that?"

And no, Draco thinks. No one can say that their hopes are any different than that.

He curses and cleans and eats too much cheese on Wednesday. It's a strange response, he agrees. But the book is clutched in his hand all morning Thursday as he gets ready to go back to the field. He doesn't have a plan. Shoves it in his bag as he takes up his broomstick, and quite honestly forgets all about it as they fly. The only thing stopping him from ramming Potter off his broom when he appears, twenty minutes late and pinch-faced, is that he is on thin ice with the league as it is.

They play a friendly game, Mora calling for a quick, mid-air colour change. But Potter gets his transformation done first, donning the green jersey they use when they practice. The colour sets Draco off even more as they shake hands at centre pitch and wait for the release of the quaffle.

Draco is distracted, so Harry finds the snitch quickly and easily. Thursday practices are short. Mora calls it moments later. He suspects she's a bit hungover.

They all stomp back to the change rooms in a neat line, always on display in the practice pitch. The reporters' clicks are audible even from a distance, and Draco has to fight the urge to run up and sheild Harry with his cloak; the sensation reminds him that the biography is sitting, blazing Harry's photo in full view, on top of his bag. His face heats with embarrassment.

In the change rooms, the normal cajoling begins. The team's won the past three games, so everyone is jovial and loving. The ribbing is gentle, only picking on things that are known to be safe. No mean laughter, even with Draco. For a minute, he wonders how it is possible he is included, at all, let alone treated the same.

And it hits him.

They have all moved on. The world has kept on spinning. He suddenly knows exactly what he will do. He grimaces because it isn't what he wants to do.

What he wants is to wait for the room to clear, to corner Potter, who is always the last to leave—part of his secrecy, Draco suspects. He wants to wait and confront Potter, wave the book in front of his face and demand answers.

He can see the scene clearly in his mind. Harry, damp and flustered, possibly still not wearing a shirt. Draco, tall and proud, telling him to get over himself and let the past be the past. He'd have Harry speechless in seconds, have him in his mouth a moment later. Draco on his knees on the hard ground, taking what he wanted and leaving no doubt behind.

Or else in the doorway, up against a wall, dragging moans from the rubble of their past and waiting until Harry begged, jutting his groin against Draco's thigh with abandon until Draco finally conceded and took him in hand.

Or maybe in the showers, waiting for permission from the next shower stream, muttering filthy things while he palmed himself, daring Potter to flee. Harry would not back down, because he was Harry Potter, and Draco was sure he wouldn't deny their obvious chemical attraction. And if he stayed, Harry could have him, right there, buried deep in the base of his spine until Draco forgot his own name.

These were the things Draco wanted. But they were not the things Harry needed. For some reason, he cared about the difference. Draco cared.

So instead, he waited as the room slowly emptied. As people went off, in twos and threes. Off to their days, their lives, their families.

He waited on the bench, calmly holding the book, as Potter showered and emptied his locker. As he sat on his own bench, facing away from Draco.

"Heard you played well, Malfoy. On Saturday. Sorry I missed it."

Draco resisted his quip, about how if he hadn't missed it, Draco wouldn't have played. He murmured what he hoped sounded like a grateful mumble. He stood. Slowly, he put his bag on his shoulder, turned and put the book on the bench beside Harry's toweled form. He let his eyes linger on his chest, let himself imagine a thousand more locker room fantasies that would never be enough.

"Part five," he whispers, his voice soft and gruff despite his efforts to remain calm. He's hopeless. So attracted to this man his voice can't even remain neutral. He clears his throat and tries again.

"Part five, in which two sworn enemies bury the hatchet over lunch," he asks, hesitant and nervous. "In which the asshole apologises, buys the pints, and tries desperately not to spend the whole hour staring at the hero's mouth."

Harry stares at him. He picks up the book, opens the cover. It's a signed copy. Draco had been hoping he would never find that out, but somehow, he had always know they would end up here, with his infatuation spread out between them like a thick blanket.

Draco waits, breath caught.

Finally, Harry laughs a small laugh; it's a new sound to Draco, light and carefree. He's instantly addicted. He needs more of that sound.

"I've been waiting for you to just pin me to a wall," Harry says simply, as though he's slightly disappointed. "But lunch sounds good. On two conditions."

Draco tilts his head, captivated. Harry stands and steps toward him. Draco instinctively backs up, never having had a good experience Harry Potter advancing on him.

"One," Harry says, holding up a finger, "that is the last time you ever use the word 'hero' around me."

Draco nods. He can understand that.

"And two," he continues, "we get the fact that I want to pin you down and snog you out of the way right now. Or else I won't be able to focus on the apology you plan on crafting."

Draco is approaching comprehension when his back hits the lockers and his knees buckle and Harry's soap is in his mouth as he presses his face to Draco's neck.

"You took a long fucking time to figure this one out, Malfoy."

Draco technically hears the words, although he's preoccupied by the fact that they are murmured in between wide mouthed kisses along his windpipe. Harry pulls his face back, pins Draco's arms to his sides, leans in until their foreheads are touching.

"Part six" he mumbles into Draco's lips as he presses down. "In which Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy probably should have just fucked in eighth year."

The kiss is not nearly enough. It is perfect, and uncomplicated, and it doesn't sear him the way he is anticipating. But it is not nearly enough. Draco smiles as Harry pulls away, turns away without even a pause, puts on a shirt and drags on some shorts.

Lunch is as good a place as any to start correcting his mistakes.

#Long post #I'm so sorry #Drarry #One shot #There's a link too but no one ever follows links #So I said #Fuck it #And wrote the thing here too #Sorry #Back from hiatus with abandon apparently #Quidditch star drarry #Quidditch player Harry Potter #Draco too

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echodrops · 5 years ago

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The Promises I Made (2019 Edition)

For the past thirteen years, I’ve spent every New Year’s Eve compiling a list of fifty promises I intend to keep or fulfill over the next twelve months. The results have been truly amazing, and I have kept some promises I never thought I could. 2019 was… a nightmare that I can barely believe I survived, but I still kept some promises that I honestly did not expect I ever could.

This year, for New Year’s, there will be a new set of promises for to me keep, but here are the old ones, for review!

The Promises I Made (2019 Edition)

1) Be more proactive about tracking and following up with struggling students to decrease the number of students who drop from my class when they realize they cannot pass. Status: Somewhat broken? I tried really hard to be proactive with my students; however, there were some massive issues outside the classroom this year that made it extremely difficult to keep the focus on the students. When administration drags your attention away from the class, there is not a lot you can do…

2) Find a place to put in volunteer hours because uhhhh like this is actually important to my work evaluation and I definitely need something to write in that section… Yikes, this spring is my last chance to do this!! @_@ Status: Kept. I volunteered with the Utah Shakespeare Festival and it was super fun!

3) Install the fire escape window in the Utah house, no matter how much it might cost, because I can’t get a totally unrelated tenant in that basement without said window… Status: Somewhat kept. Okay. This one is a LONG story, but to be fair to me, I worked my ASS off to try and make this happen; just every single thing in the world prevented me from completing this promise, up to and including the city telling me I needed a permit AFTER I had already dug a massive hole in the ground for the window…

4) Buy sod to add grass to the front portion of the lawn so that it no longer looks like garbage. Status: Broken, but I did buy grass seed and put that out there. Unfortunately only some of it sprouted, but there is indeed SOME grass now growing there…

5) Fix the bricks near the windowsills on the Utah house to prevent long-term damage. Status: Broken. After dealing with the stupid window disaster, I had no time for this at all.

6) Get a watering system for my roses at the Utah house because I think my bro is probably killing them and that’s just not cool. Status: Broken, see above.

7) Work on the patio at the Utah house before it just flat out falls down. Status: Somewhat broken. Again, I tried to make progress on this—I called a patio guy to come out and assess how much it would cost to fix the patio—but the price I was quoted was so high that there was nothing I could do at the time.

8) Paint the stairwell so that there’s no chance of anything like lead paint or asbestos being exposed. Status: Broken. The leftover wallpaper glue continues to confound me…

9) Trim the backyard bushes so the neighbors don’t hate us anymore… Status: Broken. We trimmed a few bushes and at least got to the trees out front, but definitely a majority were left uncared for.

10) Move into a new house in Texas where I can get real internet, please for the love of god… Status: Kept. I moved into a very nice house with no scorpions!

11) Save money for my upcoming trip to Japan! 2020 baby! Status: Uhhh, broken. I’m not sure how I thought I’d be able to move into a new house AND save money for an international trip at the same time…

12) Get my wisdom tooth removed because it’s still there and still killing me, yikessss. Status: Broken. AUGH. I’m an idiot.

13) Make an appointment with an eye doctor for like the first time in years. Good job, Yehn, good job. Status: Kept. I got my glasses fixed and even got a new pair of glasses too!

14) Get my prescriptions refilled because I’m dwindling on asthma medicine and like… I could die from this… I should never have been left to care for myself; I’m not mature enough for this responsibility… Status: Kept, surprisingly. But I still need a new doctor because the last one I was going to wouldn’t give me any refills…

15) FINISH THE GIVEAWAY PRIZES I PROMISED LAST YEAR because holy shit I am incompetent and the worst and everyone has permission to hate me for starting things and never finishing them, fuck. Status: Broken. So broken. I am the worst.

16) Go dolphin watching in the Gulf for real this time. Seriously, it’s $10 Yehn, you can do this. Status: Kept, amazingly. It wasn’t as impressed as hoped; however, there was a lovely sunset.

17) Return to the Channel Islands to take better pictures. D; Status: Broken. T_T

18) Level all my classes to 70 in FFXIV before next expansion, please. Status: Somewhat broken. I didn’t have everything to 70 before the expansion, but I kind of feel like I should get credit for this one, because HEY, look at me now:

19) Organize and properly label all the photos on my computer so that I’m no longer desperately combing through folder and folder in blank confusion, looking for a single picture in a sea of thousands… Status: Kept. It took me like eight hours of work, but I actually did this.

20) Update Home and a Half more than once? PLEASE??? The guilt I feel over this currently is crushing. Status: Broken. And the guilt grows…

21) Complete the online American Literature class I am designing on time and with no corrections needed. Status: Kept. I’m counting this as kept even though TECHNICALLY there was one thing I forgot to finish and it came back and bit me in the ass; however, I was approved with no corrections needed.

22) Earn 100% completion for Kingdom Hearts III. So excited! Status: Broken. Um… This just didn’t happen.

23) Update my calendar with important dates—holidays, birthdays, etc.—and be productive about sending cards and well-wishes. Status: Somewhat kept. I wasn’t any better about sending cards really, but I did at least save all the birthdays in my phone so I remember them.

24) Get the garbage disposal in the Texas house fixed ASAP so I don’t have to wash the dishes by hand anymore because I absolutely hate that particular chore. Status: Kept. Then I moved, so it didn’t even matter.

25) Finish all the books my coworkers and friends bought for me recently so I can thank them for their recommendations! Status: Broken. So broken.

26) Actually move into my new place instead of leaving it completely undecorated and lifeless. Status: Remarkably, kept. Nothing has plastic on it, unlike at my old house where the nightstand didn’t get unwrapped even after two years of living there lol.

27) Try hard to get Creative Writing into a different area of the general ed. core so that more people will enroll in it. Status: Kept. I’m counting this because I did my darn best, but we are still waiting on the state to tell us whether or not the class will be accepted.

28) Get caught up on my Ebird reports, even the old, old, old ones I never put in because I was slacking. Status: Kept, actually. Whoo.

29) Throw away/return/sort all the stacks of old mail in the house (OMGGGG they’ve made me look like paper hoarder and I’m nootttt). Status: Broken. There’s just… a lot of papers to go through…

30) Clean up the garage before moving so that I don’t have to fight spiders to move when the time comes. Status: Broken, in that I did not clean up the garage in advance and did, in fact, have to fight spiders when it came time to move.

31) Find a way to boost grading productivity so that each class takes only two days to grade, maximum. Status: Somewhat kept. I was definitely better this year than last year; however, I really think the “two days per class” thing was too optimistic, so for the future semester, I allotted myself three days per class and I think it will work better.

32) Go to a totally new restaurant and try their food. Status: Kept. We went to a Mexican restaurant and I had trompo tacos (al pastor) which is probably not anything special to anyone else but it was my first time so lol.

33) Cancel old credit cards to make sure my credit is good before trying to buy a house (although I just checked my credit score and I’m in the great range already, so this is mostly for posterity’s sake). Status: Broken. But it didn’t affect my loan, so I guess it was okay. And it ended up being good I didn’t cancel my Best Buy card because I was able to get good financing on the new appliances I needed for my house.

34) Get official contracts from my tenants so I can use my rental income in my next loan calculation. Status: Broken, but I ended up not using that as part of the loan calculation anyway >_> so…

35) Talk to an HR rep about my retirement savings so that I can consolidate all my retirement accounts into one. (Man, look at all these ADULTING promises.) Status: Broken. Look at me failing all these adulting promises.

36) Really finish decorating my office so it looks super cute and all my students want to visit me. Status: Broken, but I think it sucks that I have to write this because it was really not my fault I couldn’t finish decorating my office. Our offices were all moved and disrupted by building remodels so I spent the entire year basically working out of a couple cardboard boxes.

37) Not sign up for ANY more new responsibilities at work in the spring semester. This is the biggest challenge. D; Status: Kept, by technicality. I was able to avoid signing up for anything new in SPRING… But fall… was a whole other story. XD

38) Migrate all the rest of my books to the new Texas house instead of leaving them in Utah… SOMEHOW. Status: Kept. I’m going to count this as kept. The only books left at the Utah house are my manga—I managed to bring literally every other book, which is very impressive considering I had only my small Camaro with its tiny truck space.

39) Use my twitter account more often to make it worth following. I will try!! Status: Kept… sorta? I mean, since I didn’t use the account AT ALL before, making even one Twitter post kind of counts as using it more, right? >_>

40) Keep my hair cut nicely so I look less like a mess (than I really am). Status: Somewhat broken. Although I think I got my hair cut more often this year than before, I don’t think I looked any less like a mess. XD

41) Successfully find a bridesmaid dress for my friend’s wedding that matches the rest of the wedding party. Status: Actually kept! It was incredible. The wedding I was in was even featured in a magazine because of how pretty it was!

42) Make sure my skin is in good condition for the wedding so I don’t look like a disturbing ghost… Status: Kept? I mean, in the end, looking like a ghost ended up being the whole point since it was a Halloween themed wedding so I kind of won either way.

43) Complete my BNHA manga collection. Since my bro bought me a bunch of the volumes for Christmas, I might as well. Status: Broken… I bought like… one volume. XD

44) See a groove-billed ani. (It’s another type of bird.) Status: Broken. Very illusive bird. T_T

45) Respond to messages, asks, and comments more quickly. I promise I’m not ignoring people… D; Status: Um, broken. I left many people on read this year, sorry.

46) Lose ten pounds so that I feel more fit and comfy. Status: Broken. I didn’t exercise at all this year, uff.

47) Pay down credit card debt by at least 1/3. Yikesssss, I really need to do this quick. Status: Broken. It’s hard to pay down a credit card when you pour all your money into buying a new house…

48) I will finally fucking finish that chapter 73 analysis of Noragami… I swear to god… Status: Broken. Uh yeah. This didn’t happen. V_V

49) Reach 1700 followers on Tumblr. You should follow me—I’m only marginally a waste of time and space! Status: Kept. Over 2500 followers now!

50) I will keep these promises. LOLLLLL. Status: Somewhat kept/somewhat broken. One year I really will keep them all…

Totals Kept promises: 18 Broken promises: 24 Somewhat kept/broken promises: 8

Well, there are more kept promises than last year at least… It was another really hard year, what with moving in the middle of the year, over-working, dealing with so much drama with the reaccreditation on our campus, and just EVERYTHING all at once this last year… I keep thinking things are going to calm down and then they never do. Please 2020… just let me rest…

My new set of promises will be up on the 1st!

#50 promises #new year's resolutions #IRL stuff #please 2020 #I need a break #it's not the roaring 20s #it's the snoring 20s #PLEASE

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this-is-a-love-story-fleabag · 5 years ago

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Dial-a-priest (2/2)

A man slips his phone number into our favourite Fleabag’s back pocket, but it turns out to be a wrong number, connecting her directly to a priest. Chapter 2 of 2. Click here to read Chapter 1. Also on ao3.

"Is this the part where you ask me what I'm wearing?"

"What are you wearing?"

He looked down at himself. "Pyjamas."

"It's 7PM."

"They're comfy."

One night when he was just settling down with a cup of tea and another book, his phone rang.

"Hi," he said when he picked up.

"Hello, Father," said her voice at the other end of the line. English accent, a bit posh, wryly amused.

"You make voice calls? I thought you were a millennial."

"I'm old school. You're Irish."

"I know."

"I should have known. I was curious."

"Is this the part where you ask me what I'm wearing?"

"What are you wearing?"

He looked down at himself. "Pyjamas."

"It's 7PM."

"They're comfy."

"Aren't you going to ask me what I'm wearing?"

"OK, but we're not having phone sex."

"I'm wearing the world's least comfortable cocktail dress and about three rolls of tit tape."

"Do I want to know what tit tape is?"

"Probably not. I went to a bar again."

Interesting. "Why?"

"I don't know. The last time I talked to someone in a bar he clearly thought I was in dire need of the phone number of an Irish Catholic priest."

"What did you say to him?"

"I think I was probably charming. I usually am."

He chuckled. "You're not wrong. Did you have a good time?"

"No. Someone grabbed my arse and I left. Didn't even have a drink."

"Oh, I'm sorry."

"Usually I would have ended up going home with him. I didn't want that. I think I just wanted to... make a friend?"

"Do you have other friends? Family?"

"Not really. My sister lives in Finland half the time. I haven't talked to her in a long time. Do you have a sister?"

"No. Why haven't you talked to her?"

"She thinks I tried to shag her husband, which is patently ridiculous because her husband is loathsome."

The urge to give priestly advice was too difficult to overcome. "Why don't you try calling her? If it's been a while, she might be glad to hear from you."

"I guess. Do you have a brother?"

"Yes. Why does she think you tried to fuck her husband?"

"Are you close with your brother?"

He laughed. "No. You didn't answer my question."

"Why aren't you close with your brother?"

"Come on."

"I fucked my best friend's boyfriend and then she walked into traffic and that's why she's dead," she said in a rush. He could hear the wince in her voice.

"Fuck."

"So when I told my sister that her husband tried to kiss me on her birthday and he told her that it was the other way around, she chose to believe that slimy bastard instead of me."

He took a long moment to digest this new information before responding. "You're walking around with a lot of pain inside you, aren't you?" he said gently, his heart aching in sympathy.

"Yeah, but..."

"What?"

"I just..."

"What?"

"It's my fault," she said simply. "All of it, I caused it. That's why I'm trying... to be better. I don't want to do that any more."

"Everyone makes mistakes."

She huffed a laugh. "That's why they put rubbers on the end of pencils."

"I like that."

"You can have it for free. My next witticism will be priced on a sliding scale."

"You're funny."

"For the right price."

Unknown number: I texted my sister

Unknown number: we're going to have coffee

"I think I might be going crazy," he said without preamble when she picked up the phone.

"Well, you do have bats in the belfry."

"They're in the attic, and that's a bit of a sore spot at the moment, so fuck off."

"Why do you think you're going crazy?"

"OK so I was on a train."

"Yes?"

"We were delayed at East Croydon and I looked out the window."

"Sane so far, continue."

"There was a fucking fox! In the window! It was looking right at me! Nobody else seemed to notice it but I know I saw it."

"That's not outside the realms of possibility. There are a lot of foxes about."

He shuddered. "Don't remind me. But it was looking right at me. Right in my eyes."

"You're cute, why wouldn't it look at you?"

"We were there for half an hour and it didn't stop staring at me!"

"Why were you at East Croydon for half an hour?"

"Southern Rail."

"Ah, I take it back. Southern Rail? You are completely insane."

"Fuck you." He paused, backtracking a few sentences in the conversation. "Wait, I'm cute?"

"Goodnight, Father."

"Uh, goodnight then, I guess."

"Don't let the foxes bite."

"You don't need to tell me twice."

After a few weeks of this, he was ready to admit that theirs was the closest friendship he had.

She knew that he was really grateful for Pam's help but that he also found her annoying nearly all the time. She knew about his parents, and his brother, and his weird cousin who kept sending him conspiracy theories on Facebook. She knew about the puns he made in the parish newsletter, and she knew where he hid the G&Ts.

He knew about her dead best friend, and her family, and the way her guinea pig was kind of a jerk sometimes. He knew that she tended to call late at night or just after the lunch rush was over. He even looked up her café online (there weren't that many guinea pig-themed cafés in the world, it turned out) and it was only a few streets away.

Which was a total fucking disaster.

He was a priest, for fuck's sake. He'd made a vow to love only God and to love God's people as a father, and most certainly not to pin beautiful, witty, acerbic women to the nearest flat surface and kiss them until he can't breathe.

It was imperative that they never meet in person. He was careful not to tell her which church was his, never to mention local shops and restaurants. He very conscientiously avoided going within a mile of the café.

There was no way they were ever going to meet, and he'd nearly convinced himself that it was a good thing.

The priest was leafing through the hymnals to see which ones needed to be replaced and trying very hard not to think about his problems, when he noticed one of the Youthie Band loitering in the doorway.

"Hi Jake," he called. "Are you alright?"

"I forgot my bassoon," he said in a mournful tone. "My aunt is bringing it."

Strange kid, but probably harmless. "Oh, fun. How are your bassoon lessons going?"

Jake trained his attention on someone over the priest's shoulder, ignoring the question entirely.

"Where's Claire?" he asked plaintively.

"Hi, Jake," said a woman's voice, strangely familiar. "She didn't want to come with me because she thinks you're creepy."

"What?"

"I'm joking, she's at work."

The priest turned around to greet the new arrival (and possibly to stand up for Jake, although his creepiness was undeniable and probably deserved to be addressed), and his heart just about stopped. Standing before him was the physical manifestation of his ungodly desires made flesh, walking around as though his world wasn't about to explode.

"Here's your clarinet," she said, handing Jake the case.

"It's a bassoon," he protested.

"It's a birth control device."

"You must be Jake's aunt," said the priest, regaining the ability to speak.

"Step-aunt," she corrected, turning to him. She gave a little start when she made eye contact but other than that managed to maintain her composure. "Hello, Father," she said with a smirk, holding out her hand.

He shook it, noticing distantly that her slender hand had a firm grip. "So Claire's your sister?" he managed, drinking in the sight of her, even more lovely in reality, a walking temptation.

A complicated series of emotions flashed across her face, all of which he could actually decipher given all of their long conversations about her family situation - and isn't that weird? Being able to completely read someone when you're meeting them in person for the first time?

"Yeah, Claire's my sister."

Jake made a little squeaking sound on hearing the word "Claire", making the priest remember that he was still standing there.

"Do you have a rehearsal to get to, Jake?" he prompted gently.

Jake nodded and walked away without a word.

"OK, good talk," said the priest to Jake's retreating back. He turned back to her, suddenly nervous. "Hi."

"Hi."

"Uh, welcome to my church. Do you like tea?"

In answer, she gave him an incredulous look and made a bee-line for the third pew from the back of the church, bending over to retrieve the cache of G&Ts that he'd mentioned in passing the other day.

"I'd think we need something stronger than tea given the situation, don't you?" she said, throwing one to him.

He fumbled to catch the can and dropped it on the floor inelegantly with a few murmured curses.

"Now I think of it, I remember you mentioning that you were bad at sports," she said with an apologetic grimace.

He picked up the can and opened it gingerly, took a large and restorative swig, then ushered her into a side room for some privacy. They perched on rickety folding chairs opposite each other, and she stared into his eyes, studying him in a way that made him feel uncomfortably exposed.

"So you live ten minutes from my café," she stated flatly. He nodded. "Did you know this the whole time?"

He winced. "I figured it out a few weeks ago. I can't, I'm sorry, I didn't want to intrude," he lied. He had wanted to intrude, in so many ways.

She shrugged, amenably accepting his explanation. "I just assumed you lived in Ireland. I didn't know we still had Catholics here."

"We send a few over every year as a punishment for when you enslaved our whole country."

They laughed together, such an easy connection, and his fingers itched with the urge to grab her and kiss her.

"The photos didn't do you justice," she said, giving him a thorough and obvious once-over. The blood thrummed in his veins as his eyes drifted down her body in return.

He sucked in a breath and tried very hard to keep his cool.

"You're the single most beautiful human being I've ever seen, and the fact that you're in my church right now is ruining my fucking life," he blurted out.

Fuck.

She softened visibly and stood up, draining the rest of her drink. "I'm not going to make you do anything you don't want to do. We can just talk on the phone." She was watching him with immense gentleness, seeing right through into his very soul. "I like talking to you. It's OK."

"Fuck, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to say that, I don't want to send you away, I just-" He stood up, rubbing his temples with one hand. "I like talking to you, too," he said softly, looking utterly lost.

She crossed the room and took his face in her hands, bringing their foreheads to rest together. "I'm glad I met you," she whispered, slipping her fingers to card through his hair. He leaned into the touch like a needy cat and let out a shuddering breath.

She pulled away to press a chaste kiss to his forehead, getting ready to leave, and something inside him snapped. He backed her up against the crumbling brick wall, and finally let himself taste the ruby-red lips that had been whispering in his ear for weeks. She made a pleased noise and kissed him back, her arms wrapping around his neck to pull him closer.

"Are you sure?" she asked as they broke for air.

"I'm sure," he panted, hiking up her legs to wrap around his waist, and let the life he'd built crash down around them.

#fleabag #dial-a-priest #my fics #phoebe waller-bridge #andrew scott

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youreallyshouldtalkmore · 6 years ago

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Make Up Theories_Part 1

Another installment in the Lion and His Lamb series.

To all the women who might not swear by makeup (though we love to use it occasionally...) (*raises my own hand*)

This is for you.

Part 1

You stood in the makeup isle trying your hardest not to look at the prices before you found what you wanted. But before that, just trying to find what you wanted was a headache. You walked the four isles of makeup three times and you still weren't any closer to understanding what everything did. You were starting to doubt this current venture. Even after looking up makeup and watching countless makeup tutorials, you managed to whittle it down to a basic list.

So you thought.

After walking isles and isles you found it overwhelmed you. Even if you narrowed it down to makeup that would fit your skin tone, you were still overwhelmed.

Really how many different variations of foundation did a woman need? How many different kinds of lipstick?

What still blew your mind was that women actually paid this kind of money for makeup. No wonder the beauty sector in America was worth about $80 billion and counting.

(You knew because you looked it up, thank you)

The most your makeup consisted of was putting some castor oil on your face and doing your eyes. You just recently got into BB Cream but that was about it. You did do skincare but you didn't really count that as makeup per say.

But all this other stuff….

You groaned, your shoulders hunching over.

Maybe you should just go back home, but you were hoping to surprise Erik at the state function. This idea actually came to you a week ago. Erik invited you to go as his date to the California state function that he and T’Challa had to attend. You didn’t necessarily need to be there as you didn’t work at the Wakandan Outreach Center barring the fact that you had done their wall. You had a sinking suspicion that was part of why Erik wanted you to go. If he could show off the artist, he would. If he could show of his artist girlfriend…..ooh, the man couldn’t resist.

But either way, you agreed quite reluctantly to go

But one day Shuri ask you to take a book that Erik had called the front desk for because he forgot it for his class he had with just boys. She wouldn’t stop smirking as she handed you the book and sent you on your way. You knew that she was an avid and vocal supporter of the relationship the two of you had. Any opportunity for her to lock you two in the same room would be taken.

Erik had recently started a class for just boys hoping to talk to them and give them a chance to know that they had support. He knew from growing up, how hard it was for boys to talk in the first place. He felt like his experience would help them.

So you were walking toward the classroom with the book in hand when you heard voices. Normally you would have walked and knocked on the door but once you could make out the voices and what they were saying, you slowed down.

“Malik, you need to be paying attention and not be looking at these magazines. You too young for this.” You heard the sound of a magazine slapping the back of a head.

“Ahh, come on Mr. E. I’m 18 years old. I’m grown!”

You rolled your eyes at that. How was it that we all thought that 18 years old was grown? At that age you were barely aware of the world out your front door.

You heard Erik snort, “That’s what’s wrong with our boys now. They get an inch over 5’7 and three days pass 18 and think they grown. You still a child, boy.”

“Come on, Mr. E, you know how it was when you were younger.”

You could hear the casualness in Erik’s voice, “I’m sure you’ll remind me.”

The boys snickered and Malik continued, “It’s not like we can walk outside and see them kind of honeys, so that’s what the magazine is for. They fly, ain’t they?”

You could hear the rustle of pages, “You know that half of this is fake? Real women don’t look like this 24/7.”

“Some don’t look like that ever!” another boy cried as another tacked on, “We got some ugly chicks runnin' round here.”

There were raised voices in agreement.

“Aight, settle down.” Erik called over the rising den of voices.

Malik continued, “Well, women are supposed to be like that!”

You assumed photos in the magazine as he added, “Girls around here are wacked!”

The group of boys agreed

“Wacked? You blind or something? What about Keisha? I see you be hugging up to her. You don’t find her pretty?”

There was a rising mocking tone of the group of boys.

You could picture Malik sliding down his chair, “Don’t put my business out in them streets, Mr. E. You know I’ll get a bad rep.”

“I ain’t interested in your rep right now. We are having a serious conversation. Do you not find her pretty?”

There was dead silence and you could picture a group of boys leaning towards Malik who finally busted out, “She aight, Mr. E. But she’s not finnnnnne!”

The boys hooted and laughed.

“And you think if she as finnnnne…..” You covered your mouth with your hand to keep the snort silent at Erik’s mock, “.....that would be any better? You think a more beautiful woman will love you better than a pretty one?

You heard a pound of emphasis, “Heck, yes. A beautiful woman is something to look forward to. Who wants an old hag?

The crowd exploded the noise level almost making you wince. Once the noise level died down you heard Erik continue:

“Which is why ya’ll are still babies. Looking at the outside as if that is anything worth anything. Any woman can put on some stuff and make herself look better outside but if her heart ain't yours, solely yours, trust me it won’t make a bit of difference.”

You couldn’t help the small smile at that. You were a bit surprised to know that Erik felt that way. Although the two of you never discussed past relationships, you just assumed, especially based on Aquaneesha (you shuddered at the memory), that Erik would be the type that wanted an overly made up woman 24/7.

You were fixing to go in when Malik’s next comment made you paused:

“Well, I never see your honey looking fly like that.”

You heard the sound of something being thrown and hit the wall followed by Erik’s deadly voice, “You put some respect on her name lil nigga. Ms. Y/N to you.”

“Fine...Ms. Y/N….never looks like that.”

“You don’t have the privilege to see her 24/7 so how would you know?”

“Aight fine, does she ever look like that?”

You could almost hear Erik hard exhale, “No. That’s not her style.”

“So don’t you think you are getting the short end of the stick?”

Erik laughed then, “I’m not gonna explain my business to a bunch of 8 year olds trapped in 18 year old bodies but Ms. Y/N gives me more than just a pretty face. And yes, she is cute. Have you seen her?”

There were a few mutters throughout.

Malik snorted, “Cute is for puppies, Mr. E. We want fine. Like them honeys in the magazine. Don’t tell me you never wanted that?”

You were unaware that you suck in your breath.

You could sense the eye roll here as Erik said, “I don’t feel the need to explain so much as educate you lil heathens. You probably won’t get none of this until you go through it yourself but one day you’ll look back and go Mr. E had it right. I should have listened then and my life would be 10x easier now.”

The boys shooed that away.

“So in the interest of education, yes I had that. And yes, I was your age once and I didn’t believe nothing that no one told me about this subject. But like you, I wanted what I saw in the magazine and chased after that. But that was just a look. Believe me, I've seen some fine women in my day but I got to a point then I realize they were statues. They did nothing for me except be beautiful. As you will find out beauty is not everything. Your woman also has to have substance.”

Here you heard Erik sniffed, “Though in Malik’s case, you better get some substance yourself if you expect to hold onto a woman.”

The boys laughed and Erik snapped at them, “This is not time for a jeering session. Ain’t nothing about my words a joke.”

“I got substance, Mr. E. I got Keisha don’t I?” Malik cried.

“Lil nigga, A. Don’t come back here with no babies and B. Just because you can make a baby don’t mean you got substance, little man and C. What makes you think that Keisha will be there for a long haul? Followed by D. What are you doing to keep her for the long haul provided that you are interested in the long haul?”

There was silent and even you could sense the stare down.

“Whatever... You just jealous, Mr. E.” Malik finally said.

“Jealous? Of an 18 year old?” Here Erik gave a loud bark of laughter.

“Well, Mrs. Y/N is not like that.” another boy said, “Like you said, she’s cute. But can she look fine like the magazine?”

You could sense Erik’s shrug, “Probably, if she wanted to be bothered. I think all women can look like that. It’s just a matter of getting whatever glued on, brushed on, sewed on or tacked on.”

You wanted to laugh hysterically. How did men manage to reduce all the women go through into a simple statement as if it’s a matter of a 1-2-3 step process? Even you knew it took more than that. That was just a start.

“And you are fine with that?” Malik challenged.

You craned your neck, wanting to catch Erik’s answer.

“I ain’t gonna complain. If she doesn’t want to do all that of that I ain’t gonna make her. She a grown woman.”

“But you wished just once for her to look like that, don’t you?” Malik asked slyly.

You suddenly wanted to smack this Malik.

“You homies all up in a nigga's grill.” said Erik and you could hear the grin.

You heard the smuggness in Malik's voice, “You skating the issue, Mr. E.”

Suddenly you didn't really want to know and decided to knock at that moment. When Erik opened the door he gave a small smile. “Y/N.”

You smiled at him, “Shuri told me to deliver this to you.” You held up the book.

“Ah, thanks.” He opened the door wider for the class to see you, “Show Ms. Y/N some respect.”

Under Erik’s watchful glare boys chorus, almost in perfect sync, “Hello, Ms. Y/N.”

The boys had straightened up and you raised an eyebrow as they all smiled and waved at you as if they were perfect little angels.

You were trying hard not to laugh and said pleasantly, “Hello, boys. I will not hold up your session.” Looking at Erik you gave a brief smile, “See you later.”

Erik returned it before shutting the door. Walking down the hallway the last you heard was:

“You never did answer the question, Mr. E.” Malik said.

“I suggest you get into these books and not into my business.”

You picked up the pace as you walked further down the hallway and out of earshot.

In the next few days leading up to the function that conversation you heard stayed with you. And it brought back some unpleasant memories. Your ex-boyfriend, Trevor, used to frequently complain about your lack of makeup once he started making it in the law circle. Before then, he never mentioned it and you never thought it to be problem. But by that time, it became a problem, you realized you didn’t care enough anymore to try. It was just one reason to a long list why the two of you didn’t make it.

But you found you liked Erik more than you ever liked Trevor. And you began to wonder if he would appreciate seeing his girlfriend look like that on occasion. You decided this function you were going to attend as his date was the perfect reason to try.

Which is why a week later found you standing in front of a makeup isle, becoming more and more dejected, the longer you looked at any of this stuff.

Can’t you just buy some new eye shadow? That is low maintenance. You scanned your list again. Why did you need lamp-chop eyelashes? You had them since the day you were born.

“Can I help you? You look a little lost.”

You turned to see a pretty young saleswoman who gave a friendly smile.

You gave a weak smile, “Yeah. Is it that obvious?”

She chuckled, “A little bit. What can I do for you today?”

You took a breath intending on trying at least, “How are you on makeup?”

#black panther fanfiction #black panther #killmonger x reader #makeup

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axelsagewrites · 6 years ago

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Magnus Bane*Foster Kid Pt4

Trigger Warning - This contains racist and homophobic comments. It also talks about abuse.

None of these things are okay. I don't stand behind any of the comments in the chapter but they're needed for the story.

Also, the address in the story is completely made up so who knows, maybe I guessed where you live.

Magnus X Platonic!Reader

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Masterlist HERE

Wattpad HERE

Magnus X Platonic reader —- Mentions of Malec

“For the record, this will be incredibly boring,” Magnus warned me as we walked up the steps to the institute.

“Duly noted,” I say but my eyes are too busy wandering the place to care. It's just some old cathedral. That doesn’t mean Magnus turned down his outfit. If anything it’s turned up to annoy the shadowhunters. A shiny blue shirt with only a few buttons done up, white ripped jeans, and covered in jewels isn’t really a business look. Unless your Magnus.

Since I’ve been living in my original outfit, PE kit, and one of Magnus shirts for the past few days I don’t look as put together like him. Just some black leggings and a white shirt that one of Magnus’s ‘friends’ had left. Luckily it’s not stained and my size. “Well if your taking notes remind me to get your clothes. Not that I don’t appreciate a…simplistic look, but I know you can look even more…fabulous?” he tried.

I shook my head “I look a mess. Don’t lie.”

“You said it not me,” Magnus said before stopping, “Just wait. They come to us,” I nodded and double checked the bag Magnus gave me “Don’t talk unless you need to, stick by my side, and don’t touch anything with runes on it.”

“Cool,” I said. The bag he gave me was black, not helping my ‘simplistic’ look, and had a notebook, pen, and a bottle of water in it. Well and glitter. “Can’t you use magic to take notes,”

“Probably,” he shrugged.

Before he could reply some people dressed in all black walked out of the cathedral. “Who is this?” They asked.

“Hello to you too,” Magnus rolled his eyes. They glared in response, “This is my assistant,”

“No one said you could bring an assistant,” The woman crossed her arms, her eyes scanning over me.

“No one said I couldn’t,” he countered. “And I do believe you asked for my help since you were incapable of doing it yourself,”

“I wouldn’t say incapable,” she scoffed. I really get a bad feeling off her.

Magnus smiled “Well in that case my services aren’t needed,” He turned to walk away.

“I suppose we need your help,” she forced out. “We will let this assistant business slide for once. Follow me,”

The lady led us in the cathedral. I hid my shock as we discovered the cathedral wasn’t run down but in fact filled with tech and antiques. I mouth damn to Magnus who just winked at me.

Honestly, I have no clue what's being said. I’m not even going to try to make sense of it. Luckily schools the same so I still know how to take notes.

I flick to the next page of the notebook to start writing about some demon thing I can’t even spell when I hear an annoyed sigh “Does she really need to take all this down?” An older man asked, cutting Magnus off mid-sentence.

Magnus glared “My assistant is just doing her job. Like I and everyone else in this room is trying to do.”

The shadowhunter scoffed “Well I believe you're very familiar with the demon so why doesn’t she go get coffee while we talk about him, ”Magnus' eyes flickered to me, we shared a nervous look, “What type of assistant can’t make coffee?”

Magnus turned to the man, Alric I think, “It’s the fact you are telling my assistant what to do. If you wanted coffee all you had to do is ask. Would you mind?” Magnus turned to me.

“I don’t know where the kitchen is,” I whispered.

“Up the corridor to the left, 5th door on the right,” I jump when Maryse speaks. “And get me one too,”

Damn runes. I curse in my head. “Anyone else?” I ask without thinking. I’m used to be kicked around anyway. Whenever I got their coffee wrong before they’d spill it down my legs. I need to see if Magnus magic could heal it one day.

Turns out the notebook was more useful to write down the coffee orders. Magnus gives me a supportI’ve to look before I leave the room.

When I walk into the kitchen I freeze. Theirs already 4 teens in there. “(Y/N)?” Alec says, snapping me from my fear.

“Uh yeah,” I mutter, not knowing what to do.

“Is Magnus here?” I nod weakly. “Okay. What are you doing here?”

“I’ve to get coffee,” I don’t like new people, especially when it’s 4 strangers with the capability to kill me or lock me in the silent city. Whatever that is.

He nods and moves, revealing the coffee maker. I walk over and look around for everything. Alec opens a cupboard revealing the mugs. “Thanks,” I mutter.

I can feel everyone's eyes on me as I grab the mugs. “Who are you?” One of the girls asks. I glance at her to see it’s the one that looks like Alec. His sister I assume.

“Magnus assistant,” I try to cut the conversation short.

The girl shrugs and the rest of them return to there conversation. “Do I know you?” I freeze yet again.

I turn to see it was the other girl, a short ginger wearing an oddly colorful top, who spoke. I shrugged in response.

As I loaded the cups onto a tray I could feel her gaze on me “Hey, you went to my school! You’re that kid who always sat alone…” she trailed off when she realized.

“Yeah well. Yeah,” I don’t know how to respond! “Nice to see you I guess,” I pick up the tray and go to leave. Alec opened the door for me and I nodded as a thank you.

“Wait, if you went to her school, that means you’re a mundane?” The blonde said.

All 4 looked at me, I looked at them, “Um not exactly…gotta go,” I rushed out the kitchen.

I rushed back into the room and the shadowhunters looked at me for a second before ignoring my presence again. Handing out the coffee’s, I returned to my notes, visibly shaken. Only Magnus seemed to notice.

The meeting dragged but eventually we were free to go. Magnus said he’d do something or make some potion. I dunno since I was zoning out and thinking about school again. God, I hope I never have to go back.

Magnus let us stop at a café to grab lunch. “Order anything you like,” he told me as he notices my eyes scan the prices first.

Still, I chose the cheapest thing on the menu. Magnus looked discouraged but said nothing. As we ate he asked “Did something happen at the institute? I’m surprised you didn’t spill coffee on anyone.”

I shrugged and looked down, “Nah. Just bumped into some rude shadow hunter,”

“They're not the kindest breed,” he hummed, “Hot but mean,” he shook his head and took another drink of his, for once, non-alcoholic drink, “So when are we going to see your foster family?”

Swallowing my drink hard, I glared at the table “Family is a strong word. And I’d hoped never,”

“What about your clothes? School stuff? Stuff stuff? Surely there something you want back?”

I sighed and began playing with my food. “Dunno,” I shrugged. “I’m normally packed pretty light. Plus I’d be surprised if they didn’t chuck it already,”

“We’re going,” My head snapped up in protest, “No ifs and or buts. You’re going to get your stuff and I’m going to check out my competition. I’m sure I’m a much better non-family roommate,”

“Magnus, you’re the closest thing to family I’ve had since my parents,” I confessed.

He frowned slightly, “Darling you’ve known me maybe a week,”

I shrugged “Didn’t say I was a happy story did I,”

Unfortunately, unlike everyone else in my life, he kept to his word. I couldn’t even bring myself to knock on the door. Magnus sighed and did it himself. He was some sort of magic to cloak him from mundanes apparently. Honestly, I don’t know anymore.

The door opened and the plain look on my foster mother's face was replaced with disgust, “You’re back,”

“I just want my stuff,” I mumbled, looking at the ground.

“Look at me when you speak,” she snapped. I snapped back into her mold, shoulders back, straight posture, no personality or emotion to be seen, “Better but still awful. You have 5 minutes then I’m calling the police. And don’t even think about touching anything,” She stormed away.

I let out a breath of relief before taking a step into the house. It wasn’t an unhappy looking house with a creepy atmosphere and children's bones. The most disturbing part was it looked like a normal suburban house.

Magnus followed behind me as I darted up the left side of the stairs, sticking to their instructions. When I got to the top hall I grabbed the stool and reached up to open the attic. Magnus looked confused as he saw me bring the ladders down.

“I thought that was your room?” he pointed to the white painted door with a cheap amusement park photo with me and my foster parents on it. All 3 of us had smiles on our faces.

Not turning to look at him, I said “So does my social worker,” before beginning my climb into my room. If you can call it that.

Boxes filled the attic. They were filled with all your usual stuff, old photo albums, junk you forgot about, their biological kid's stuff. My small corner with a mattress and old chest of drawers fell into the junk you forgot category.

Magnus scrunched his nose up when he saw my corner/bedroom. “It’s not much,” I said “But it’s a step above Harry’s cupboard,” I tried to joke.

“Is it?”

I sighed but got to work. The chest of drawers was an old piece of furniture they let me use. Inside was my other 2 pairs of jeans, 4 tops, underwear for a week, and a few other things. Magnus summoned a plastic bag for my stuff. The clothes took a bag up.

The next bag was a little more personal. A couple books, a small nail polish set I got when I first moved in, a cd I got as an apology from my last family after they kicked me out, a few old notebooks/diaries/sketchbooks I had acquired.

The last bag was barely half full as I put my spare trainers and an old teddy I’d managed to hang onto in it. I held the old bear in my hand. The once light pink bear was now a dull grey, it’s button eyes had been reattached a few times, and there was a bit of muck on it. “I know it looks like junk,” I told Magnus “But Misty’s been with me since, that night,”

He nodded as I put her in the bag. “Is that everything?”

“Mostly,” I shrug “Everything else was in my school bag. There is one thing though,” I said. Quickly I moved the bags off the mattress and lifted it up. I fished around under the bed till my hand clasped around a small, cold, metal object.

I pulled it out and went to stuff it in my pocket to hide it, “What is that?” Magnus asked.

“Something more personal than Misty,” he nodded, not pressing any further, “We should go. We've almost been here 5 minutes,”

“You really are terrified of them,” he whispered.

I didn’t look at him but nodded as I grabbed the bags and rushed to the ladders. As I began the descent down the ladders I noticed the ground get closer till “Ow!” I whined as I hit the floor with a thud.

“Did you think I was kidding when I said 5 minutes?” She crouched in front of me.

“No ma’am,” I rushed to my feet. She slapped me “No ma’am,” I spoke up. “Sorry, ma’am.”

“You realize how lucky you are?” She yelled “You ungrateful brat! People like you wish-“

“That’s enough,” Magnus jumped down from the attic with the elegance that only a cat could have “Do you realize how lucky you are that I don’t bitch slap you into next week?”

“Excuse you! Who are you?”

“Her social worker,” He smirked. I cocked an eyebrow but held back a laugh as her face drained of color. Kinda like how she drains my soul, “Exactly. How do you think the police will feel?”

“I’m sure we can come to some sort of arrangement?” she purred, leaning onto Magnus.

He looked beyond disgusted, “I think I just vomited in my mouth,”

She recoiled “You're not exactly a ten either! With your chink eyes and gay face!”

Magnus recoiled, eyes filled with fury. Without thinking about it I lunged at her. We began wrestling on the ground, Magnus moving to block the stairs so we didn’t, you know, die. Eventually, I managed to get on top of her, pinning her down.

Her makeup was smudged, she was panting, a bruise was already forming on her forehead and nose, and she just looked pathetic. “Wait till the police get here,” she panted.

I couldn’t help but let out a half-hearted laugh “Wow. What is it you always said to me? Oh yeah, the door hit you, didn’t it?” I got off of her but she only scrambled away from me, “Fuck you Debbie,” Was all I said before grabbing my bags and walking down the stairs. She just looked at me but said nothing.

Magnus and I left the house silently and began walking down the street “I’m so sorry for her behavior,” I told him.

“It’s not your fault,” He shook his head, “I’m used to it by now. I was alI’ve when it was a lot worse,”

“That doesn’t mean it’s okay,” His head hung low, “And it is my fault. It’s my fault I didn’t hit her harder,”

He laughed a little “I just wish I could get revenge without breaking any accords,”

I froze at his words, “Can I borrow your phone?”

“Wha-“

“Give!” I told him. He fished it out his pockets and I handed him my bags. I punched in 911 and told them “103, crescent drive, Belhaven, Brooklyn. The cupboard under the stairs in a green bag labeled 2013, under the photo album. You might wanna get their quick. Her husbands got a temper and an unlicensed gun and I’m pretty sure she’s trying to flee that house soon,”

Before the dispatcher spoke I hung up, handing Magnus back the phone. “What in the hell did you do? What in the hell did they do?” he asked as I started walking again.

I looked at him “They exploited the foster system, they're not exactly stand up people. Besides, how do you think two low paying corporate people pay bills. It’s not fake snow in the bags,”

Magnus, somewhat understandable concerned, demanded I tell him everything. That night I did. He didn’t even have time to start his work for the shadowhunters. Instead, he listened as I told him about all 9 different foster families and 3 different homes id been in.

I told him about my main abusers and skimmed over the normal ones. He found out everything and said he did have a potion to heal my scars.

He also asked about the thing under the bed. I took it out of my back pocket with a sigh “It’s a locket.” I turned it over in my hand, looking at the swirls imprinted on the golden heart locket, “When my parents died I was immediately put in the system. I only was allowed to pack one bag. Misty, a few pairs of clothes, a couple other toys that got stolen. This had been on my parent's dresser. They said I couldn’t take anything that wasn’t mine but I grabbed it when they weren’t looking.” I held it up by its chain and let it drop into my hand “It’s all I have left of them. Unless you count Misty.”

Instead of hiding it or shoving it in a pocket like I normally do I handed it to Magnus. He looked at me, asking permission to open it and inspect it further. I nodded.

He easily opened the locket and looked at the tiny photos. A small black and white photo of my mum and dad on one side, on the other, was some family photo with people I didn’t recognize. A lock of black hair was in the locket as well.

Magnus face contorted. He closed the locket and flipped it over, looking at the design. “What did you say your last name was?”

“(Y/L/N),” I said, brows scrunched together “Why?”

He shook his head “Then why does your families locket have an L on it?” He opened the locket again and summoned an object with magic. “An enchanted monocle,” he told me as he held the glass to his eye. “Well looks like we don’t need those potions anymore,” he looked up at me and said “You’re a lightwood,”

#shadow #shadowhunters #shadowhunter cast #shadowworld #shadowhunter imagine #shadowhunter preference #Magnus Bane #MagnusBane #magnus x reader #magnus bane imagine #magnus bane x reader #shadowhunters imagine #tmi imagine #tmi #the mortal instruments #platonic magnus

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punchlinesf · 6 years ago

Text

Catching Up With Louis Katz

Louis Katz: Hey Ronn, do you mind if I call you back in a few? I just wanted to grab some lunch.

Ronn Vigh: No problem. I’ll be here.

*25 minutes later*

LK: Hey, thanks for that. It took longer than expected because I accidentally locked myself out of the room.

RV: Oh boy! And you’re currently in Vegas, so that could be a two mile walk just to pick up a new room key. How is performing in Vegas for you? With all the extra stimulus, do you find it more challenging than somewhere like San Francisco?

LK: Well the main attraction here is not attractive to me so it’s not distracting in that way. Though, I haven’t done Vegas in 10 years. I’ve done Atlantic City and I forgot how much on another level Vegas is from there. Atlantic City is shitty Vegas on a dirty beach in the hood.

RV: Hey, watch it! That’s my home state and unfortunately a sad but extremely accurate description. Like most of us in San Francisco, you’re not originally from here but the cover of your first album, If These Balls Could Talk, looks very familiar.

LK: That’s the Broadway Tunnel. I’m originally from Los Angeles but went to school in the Bay Area and stayed there for three or four years after that doing stand-up. I had a photo shoot all around San Francisco. I try to be on top of all levels of production and aesthetics. I’m happy with all the album covers even if they don’t match the content. The title did a lot of the work for me, so why put a hat on a hat when it’s already ridiculous.

RV: A comic’s career typically sees a lot of highs and lows. You’re most recent album, Katzkills, came out last year and you’ve also had a variety of TV appearances from a Comedy Central half-hour special to late night. With such success, does a career in stand up feel more stable to you now or do those highs and lows just become more extreme?

Oh, there are so many highs and lows. Really, it’s highs and lows every second your on stage- every sixth word you say can be a success or a failure. That’s the microcosm of it. And the macrocosm is that it shouldn’t be about getting famous, it should be about the art. However, you have to become famous in order to get it to be about the art. Why should someone book you if people don’t come out? It’s simple economics. I get it. I’ve been doing stand up for so long now that it averages out and I’ve become more mentally able to handle those ups and downs, as that’s the constant. I still freak out though. I have all this work in the next three months then no work for infinity. At this point, I know somehow shit works out…. But I’m still quietly panicking.

RV: You’re from Los Angeles and live in New York City, which are fairly progressive and large cities. As a comic, do you ever find it challenging to relate to audiences from the “in-between” areas.

LK: I’m continually trying to step up my game to a whole other level. Well, it’s hard to do that here in Vegas because the quality of audience is up and down, since comedy is just a distraction from gambling for a little bit. However, I have found a lot of luck in smaller towns or cities that are liberal enclaves. My first album was recorded in Sacramento and I recently did gigs in Tacoma and found them to be aware, smart, progressive but not so uptight where they overthink things. They can still laugh at jokes! Though, I’m not really picky. If they want to pay me, I’ll show up and work it out.

RV: You’ve been doing comedy for a long time…

LK: 18 years in June.

RV: Do you think the craft has changed, for better or for worse, since you started in San Francisco?

LK: Honestly, yes. The last time I was at a showcase, I noticed something that really bothered me. A lot of comics were starting jokes with an apology or a trigger warning. I only assume they are doing that because they feel a need to do so based on the audiences they’ve been in front of. To me, that ruins comedy. It’s adding unnecessary fat to the joke. So, if you’re adding, that’s the mistake. It should be a surprise. The set up should sound like either it is or not fucked up and then take a turn. There shouldn’t be a warning, the audience should be taken by surprise! As a result of this, I feel like comedy is becoming much more reserved.

RV: What do you remember most about starting out in comedy at Punch Line?

LK: Oh man, I was so young when I started. At the time I didn’t think I was that young but compared to all the comics I felt young, I swear they were all in their early-thirties and there I was, 22. When I was going to Berkeley, I didn’t leave the East Bay that much, so it was a lot of fun taking BART to the comedy club and seeing all kinds of crazy shit. There was a real romance to it. Then at the club, I would sit back and watch comics who were light-years ahead of my ability level. Those guys had acts, polish, people were paying to see them. It was more than just waiting around for my turn…. it was really special and really formative. It taught me much more than any school I went to. All of my success in comedy, whether it be getting on Comedy Central or a Just For laughs audition, it can all be directly linked to starting as a comic at the Punch Line.

RV: Does comedy feel more competitive than when you started?

LK: Yea, it is crazy how many people do stand-up now. It is great in the sense that more people do it and there will be more fans of it but to some extent that also waters everything down.

RV: Do you think social media and sites like You Tube are influential in creating more stand-up comedians?

LK: I think it’s directly linked to YouTube. Stand-up started in foreign countries because they couldn’t see it before then. It’s about 2009-2010, when it all changes. People are getting that DIY spirit and starting scenes in their towns but also there is a limit and a ceiling. It’s not like having a band. You can’t just stay in a garage and get better and better and better. You have to be in front of an audience.

RV: Has anybody ever given you a piece of comedy advice that stuck with you all these years?

LK: The very first open mic I went to, I saw Tony Sparks, who local comics often refer to as ‘The Godfather of San Francisco Comedy.’ He broke down the basic things for me: always have a notepad, audio and video record sets and listen to them. It’s very simple and basic stuff but valuable. I keep a whole document of comedy tips and philosophies…. It’s surprising how much I still keep learning. You think that you’ve hit a wall but then you figure it out…. Things like that keep me going.

RV: Oh, that is super advice! Has there been any advice along the way that you received, that you probably shouldn’t have listened to?

LK: Yea, I was still featuring (the middle spot) and a great comic said to me, “I don’t think that person you’re being on stage is really who you are.” For the next six months, I just toned down my whole stage performance to the point where it was just monotone. It turns out that me doing something ��more natural” ends up seeming totally unnatural. I see what he was getting at, but it just wasn’t right for me. It’s great to get advice, but ultimately, you really got to figure it out on your own.

Louis Katz headlines at Punch Line San Francisco, May 30 – June 1. Prices and show times vary. Tickets can be purchased at punchlinecomedyclub.com

#comedy

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sherriarty · 7 years ago

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Meeting Andrew Scott (WCC2017)

I know I’ve mentioned wiriting a short report after returning from Wales (and then I just kept quiet). So here you go! :) If you’re interested in the parts we finally meet Andrew, skip to the bold parts. I am including the Loo parts in italics. :)

The 2nd of December. THE DAY. Day fricking D. Me and @sherlocked-for-a-lifetime set the alarm for 6am (we were supposed to leave the house at 9:20, but because of all the cosplay preparations, we decided to get up bright and early). We were really anxious, being like ‘’no, we’re not going, let’s skip it’’ and even though we were joking, we also were half serious. So much nerves.

At 9:50 we finally got to leave (whoops) and went straight to the university, where the Con was taking place. It was cold and slightly raining but I wasn’t bothered because my hair were slicked back anyway because *winkwink* fem!Moriarty. After finding the correct queue (on the 3rd try) and waiting patiently, we finally, finally got in.

Since it was around 11:10 and the Sherlock panel was scheduled to start at 11:30, we rushed straight into the Hall A, worried the seats will be already taken by people who had VIP access and got in an hour earlier than the rest of us. Turns out we don’t need to be worried since the hall is half empty.

And finally Andrew and Louise arrive (and you have no clue how much I’ve started to shake right then), apologizing for the delay because of VIRGIN TRAINS. Lol.

The panel was amazing and you can watch it online, so I’m not going to go into details here - other than I was freaking panicking in my seat, realizing that I’m going to be talking to both of them in less than 15 minutes.

After the panel we rushed outside, searching for the Photo Op halls. We were supposed to be having photo ops with Andrew AND Louise first, right after that photo op only with Louise and then finally only with Andrew. I was scared so much and inside of the hall we’ve met one of my friends I didn’t expect to see - I know her from this very same convention, from April. She must have picked up I am stressing out because she immediately started giving me hugs and taking selfies. Bless her, she managed to calm my nerves a little bit. For maybe two minutes, but still!

AND FINALLY ANDREW AND LOUISE APPEAR IN THE ROOM and I I’m ready to die. I’m in the queue, clutching my Sheriarty plushies to make myself calm. And the queue is moving so fast, suddenly I’m expected to go there! What the fuck. So I go. After awkward ‘’Hi, good’’ reply for ‘’Hi, how are you?’’ (I’m an idiot shhh) I’m actually taking a breath and blurt out a question if they could hold my Jim and Sherlock plushies. And that they can choose. Andrew was reaching for the Sherlock one, but Louise was faster, saying ‘’I’ll take Sherlock’’. Andrew gave her his ‘’tssss’’ look and grabbed small Jim. Then we took the photo and i was still so shaken, thanking them both and rushing away, my friend again giving me a calming hug.

The friend from last con left after, saying she only has booked the photo op with both Louise and Andrew, so we stayed with my dear @sherlocked-for-a-lifetime alone. To be quite fair, we both were really nervous and it was hard to calm down. And we’re suddenly in a queue for Louise and before I know it, I’m in front of Louise, again. I even manage to tell her I love her dress, she calls me lovely!

And now the real fun begins. Queue for photo with Andrew. I’m crying inside again and I’m convinced I can’t possibly make it. How could I? He’s right there in this room, the queue is moving and we’re getting close. I’m not sure if I hate or love my life at that moment. And again, way too quickly it’s my turn and I go to Andrew. He asks how my day was and how I am doing. In the meantime, the photo is being taken. After that, I simply answer with ‘’It’s good... I’m nervous, sorry’’ (GIVE YOURSELF A SLAP, GIRL). He gives me a million dollar smile and puts his hand on my upper back and strokes it briefly with ‘’Don’t be nervous sweetheart’’. I think I died and went to heaven. He’s the cutest to ever cute.

After that, we leave the photo room and get our printed photos. Once we’re done, we move to the Signing hall. Andrew and Louise are still in the Photo rooms, so we have time to find their tables and find out what the story is.

We are being told that Andrew’s queue is really too huge so there’s an alternatiive solution - we all get a ticket with number and then we’re being called by numbers. Well, it’s not that bad, at least we can go to the Louise’s queue in the meantime and we’re fairly in the front.

When Louise arrives and I got to her table, I’m fairly nervous again, Louise calming me with ‘’we’ve already met twice, it’s okay’’. BLESS HER. She was actually really nice and chatty, asking me where I’m from, where do I work, also told me she loves Cork city (ha! ♥). Then she asked me if I have any questions for her and I did. I am only going to tell you I asked her about her opinion on Jim’s feelings towards Molly and if she thinks that the final scene in season 4 indicates that Sherlock and Molly ended up together. I’m not going to publicly mention her response in this report since I don’t want to start ‘shit’ between Sherlolly and Molliarty shippers. If anyone’s interested, please, DM me off anon.

When she signs my photo, I ask her if she’s doing selfies, since there is literally no sign above her head. Other actors have either a price for the selfie or ‘’NO SELFIES’’ sign. She starts talking to one of the crew members and they tell her that it’s not a good idea since everyone else would be wanting a selfie with Andrew, too, if they saw her taking selfies. And, with the queue Andrew has, it would not be wise.

So Louise agrees to a ‘’No selfies’’ sign, but tells me to take a selfie with her since there was no sign before I asked. BLESS HER. I’m not including the selfie because I look really horrible in that one, but I’m still loving Louise in it. ♥

After some chilling out around the hall and meeting two LOVELY and amazing Sheriarty fans - Jim and @selfmadeseb, our numbers are finally called out and we go to the physical queue, which is really short, since the numbers procedure. I am starting to panick again, this time really panicking. I should probably mention that I’m a bit asthmatic person and when it’s almost my turn, I start caughing and have a problem to breathe. Well, good timing, right? :D Jim gives me a tight hug and tells me it’s going to be okay, but lets me go almost immediately because it’s my turn and I’m slowing down the fricking queue.

Andrew was the absolute sweetheart. He must have easily picked up I’m really fucked up, and he was talking so gently and slowly, telling me not to be nervous. Again. Then he told me that I look amazing and my cosplay is amazing (HELP) and before I got to ask him if he would mind to sign some more things for me, he literally just takes them out of my shaking hands and giggles. When he finishes, I am realizing it’s now or never. So I start thanking him for including asexuals while talking about sexualities. He is smiling and nodding the whole time and answers with ‘’I represent everybody’’ and he’s so so lovely! I tell him it really means so much to me and he raises his hand for a high five

but then does this

I’m still crying when I remember this.

Since there’s ‘’No selfies’’ sign, I am not bothered with asking for a selfie at this point. I’m saying goodbye and leaving.

By leaving I actually mean sitting with my friends in the corner next to Andrew’s seat, watching him signing the photos. Then I remember that we forgot to give him a chocolate and I almost start crying. When my friends ask me what’s going on, I manage to tell them about the chocolate and my dear @sherlocked-for-a-lifetime grabs me and we go to Andrew, waiting for a small time before anyone else gets to the front of the queue. We quickly give him the chocolate, apologizing and saying that it slipped our mind earlier. Andrew smiles widely, thanks us and unwraps the chocolate straight away, eating it. Adorable.

Then we chill around some more, I’ve been talking to John Noble (Fringe, The Lord of the Rings), Tom Hopper (Merlin, Game of thrones - who remembered me from April!!!!! And actually calling out my cosplay from the last time haha) and Mark Addy (Atlantis, Game of Thrones, The Knight’s Tale), all of them pretty nice and chill.

It was before six in the evening and we went back to our spot in the corner, when we noticed that there was NO queue for Andrew anymore. Literally no one. So we risked our chance. We went to Andrew, buying another singature first (so it’s not that bad lol) and then blurted out if there would be any chance to get a selfie with him. I was prepared for a ‘no’ because of the ‘’No Selfies’’ sign, but no one was there anymore, so it was worth a try.

And, well, yah, this happened at first (No way I am deleting Andrew attempting to take a photo on my phone):

But of course, happy ending ♥♥♥♥♥:

And this is the story how I died, basically. Conclusion? I love this man so much. ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

#andrew scott #louise brealey #jim moriarty #wales comic con #wcc2017 #personal #post to remember #long post #irish puppy #sherlock cast

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inlimmerence · 7 years ago

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Origin of Tragedy

Pairing: Kim Namjoon x Reader

Genre: Fluff and Angst

Summary: Kim Namjoon, a barista at the coffeehouse located at the corner of the block is used to seeing it so crowded and loud. On quiet days, though, he sees her. She’s always sitting in her regular spot with her coffee quietly writing. However, it all changes after September 22nd.

Warnings: Mild cursing.

A/N: I apologize in advance for the grammar mistakes. I also think Namjoon wouldn’t be this shy like this fanfic but whatever. BTW, I used a couple lines from ‘LOVE YOURSELF Highlight Reel’.

Sunday, September 10th

As Namjoon poured the customer’s coffee, he was keeping an eye on the glass door with the CLOSED sign facing him. He never knew why he kept watching it, it was just a habit of his. If anything, he hoped it would reveal someone, someone he always sees when it was less crowded.

Perhaps you could say he’s waiting for her.

He gave the customer their coffee, nodding as they thanked him and moved on to the next one. It wasn’t rare for him to trip and spill coffee on the wooden floor nor was it common. He tried to remain careful but sometimes failed miserably. So far, it has been 2 weeks without an accident.

“Back from break?” He asked his coworker, Seokjin who was doing cashier duty. He just nodded at him and gave the customer change, smiling at them softly as they walked away to pick up their order.

“Doesn’t yours start soon?” Seokjin was right. His break starts in 10 minutes to be exact. Suddenly, multiple cups fell to the ground behind him, making him sigh and kneel to pick them up.

“Why does this happen to me?” He muttered under his breath, getting up and putting them back where they should be. He looked around for a brief minute and noticed Hoseok fixing the chalkboard menu re-writing prices and such.

He decided to go back to work, making multiple customers orders as fast as possible and giving it to them. It was an absolute miracle none of the orders were destroyed by him.

“Hey, Namjoon.”

He turned and saw the person he has secretly been expecting. The person who has always been the highlight of his day, someone he would think about more often than he should. He didn’t want to admit it but he sometimes hoped he would run into her on his days off.

You.

You smiled softly at him and leaned over the counter slightly to examine what he was doing. He instantly smiled at her, showing off his dimples which she would tease him about constantly.

“Hey Y/N. Did you order yet?” She nodded and he instantly went to make her regular, a macchiato. She waited patiently, looking at him with an amused smile and giggled when he dropped something.

“Here you go.” He handed her the drink and she thanked him. In less than five minutes, his break will start. He hoped he could fast forward time, he desperately wanted to talk to her. You sat in your usual spot which was at the corner of the coffeehouse.

It was under the photo of the coffee house when it first opened decades ago. You always leaned against the brick wall and either wrote on your notebook or read another one of your books. It was a new book every week, he always wanted to ask your opinion on the book so he could read it too.

That would’ve been a good conversation starter.

“Namjoon, your break starts now so quit standing there.” He heard Seokjin’s voice so he obliged. This time, however, he didn’t go to the break room like usual. He approached you with his lunch in hand. You instantly looked up at him in confusion.

“Mind if I join you? I’m on break now.” He managed to get those words out, it took all his courage. You smiled at him in amusement and let him sit in front of you.

“What are you writing?” He asked curiously, looking at the dozens of written papers in messy handwriting. He wondered if it would be considered rude to grab one to read it.

“I’m working on a story. A mystery novel to be exact.” She answered, he nodded and became even more curious about your story and what the plot was.

“I hope I get to read it soon then.” She nodded and kept writing, ignoring his gaze. He stopped after a while, not wanting to creep her out. She occasionally stopped writing to take a sip of her macchiato.

“What happened to the book you were reading yesterday?” She shrugged, looking at him in the eye and he swore he was turning red which was a bit embarrassing in his opinion. If only she could hear his thoughts.

“I’m half way through. Why? Want to read it after I’m done? It’s a good book, trust me.” Of course, he’ll read it. He’ll read anything she reads if we’re going, to be honest.

“Ok. Make sure to give it to me after you’re done.” She nodded and continued writing. She doesn’t even realize what she does to him.

If only she knew.

Tuesday, September 12th

“I’m surprised you’re still working here even after all those accidents. Do you even realize how damn lucky you are?” Seokjin said for the 5th time, making Namjoon sigh and run his hand through his hair. Today was those rare days where it was quiet.

Hoseok sat on the counter, watching the only customers that decided to stay to drink their coffee. Namjoon set the coffee brewer on the counter and joined him on the counter, watching the glass door as usual and waiting for a certain someone to enter.

“Didn’t you say you were going to put up fairy lights?” He asked Hoseok who looked at him for a brief moment before hopping off from the counter, stretching his arms.

“I did say that...I guess I’ll start working on that.” He mumbled, going to get the boxes that were full of fairy lights. Apparently, fairy lights are meant to attract the customers and make a warm atmosphere. Namjoon didn’t believe it but he didn’t oppose it. It was nice to decorate the coffee house once in a while.

“Did Yoongi even allow you to decorate?” Seokjin questioned as Hoseok dragged a step ladder to the first place.

“No, but he probably will say yes either way so it doesn’t matter.” Namjoon let out a sigh. They should’ve closed before decorating but it was too late.

“Any progress on ‘operation ask Y/N out’?” Namjoon shook his head at Seokjin’s question, making him frown. Seokjin gave him advice on how to ask you out but he forgot the main problem: he was too shy to do it,

“Just get it over with and ask her out.”

“You make it sound like it’s the easiest thing in the world.” He muttered.

“Because it is the easiest thing in the world, Namjoon. Trust me, she’s probably waiting for you to get it over with.” He insisted.

“How do you know?”

“You make it very obvious.” He frowned at that. Was he that obvious? He never stared at you for more than 5 minutes. How would you figure it out?

“Oh! Are you talking about Y/N?” Hoseok joined in on the conversation, finishing two rows. He didn’t wait for either one of you to answer.

“I ran into her today on my way here! She was in the rain without an umbrella. I gave her my own and told her to not worry about giving it back. She looked like she wasn’t paying attention or something.” He knew it wasn’t right but something in him began to boil. How come Hoseok gets to run into you on his way here?

It wasn’t fair in his opinion.

“Huh. Wonder why she didn’t bring an umbrella. It always rains here.” Seokjin commented, watching the customers leave. It rang the familiar bell and as soon as the bell stopped, there were no customers in the coffeehouse. The three of them were the only ones.

“Heard she’s moving back to her hometown. I was about to ask her about it but she told me she’s in a hurry so I never got the chance.” Namjoon froze, feeling like someone stabbed an icicle into his chest. Why would you leave? Was there a good reason?

“See? You should ask her out before she leaves. You’ll regret it if you never do.” Seokjin insisted once again. He was right. He had to do it before you leave. He wouldn’t be able to live with the regret and pain if he never does.

It’s final.

He’s going to ask you out the next time he sees you.

Thursday, September 14th

“Now’s your chance,” Seokjin mumbled, nudging Namjoon slightly. He looked up and found you entering the coffee house with a book in hand. It was the one Namjoon told you to give once you were done with it. Did she remember? He hoped you did.

“Good luck.” Seokjin took a customers order, leaving him on his own. This was his chance. His mission is to ask you out. His heart was racing with anticipation, wanting to get it over with.

“Hey, Namjoon. I already ordered if that’s what you were about to ask.” He smiled at you and began working on your drink, pouring the milk into the cup and noticed you were watching him with a soft smile on your face. If he wasn’t as determined as he was now, he would’ve dropped the cup and burned himself.

Just not this time.

He gave you the drink and the usual routine happened. This time, however, you handed him the book he wanted to read.

“It’s an amazing book, trust me. I’m sure you’ll love it.” He nodded and smiled at you, saying thanks which you responded with a nod and went to your usual spot in the coffeehouse.

He looked at Seokjin for a moment who in return looked at him too and mouthed words which were most likely ‘Don’t be a coward, Kim Namjoon.’ He was right. He has to man up and ask you out. Why does it feel too difficult? Out of all the girls, he asked out (which were only 3 but that doesn’t matter), you were the most difficult one.

If only Yoongi was here.

He probably would’ve given him good advice.

“Mind if I join you again?” You nodded without looking at him.

He didn’t know what to say. What was he going to say? Surprisingly, you weren’t writing or reading. He has your full attention. He can’t let it go to waste. After all, if he failed, Seokjin and Hoseok would’ve yelled at him and probably smack him too.

“Heard you’re moving...is it true?” You nodded and sipped your drink for a minute, setting it down on the wooden table.

“Mind if I ask why?” He was desperate to know why. Was it for work?

“I don’t know...I just miss my hometown, that’s all.” You replied nonchalantly, looking at him in the eye.

“I guess it’s too late to ask you out then.” You furrowed your brows at him in confusion.

“Ask me out? Were you trying to ask me out this whole time?” You asked before laughing softly.

“Maybe. I just get too nervous but I finally got the guts after hearing you’re moving.” You frowned at that, turning mute for a brief moment. Were you even interested in him? Were you going to reject him?

“Tell you what, we’ll go on a date on one condition.” He raised his eyebrow at that, eager over the fact that he’ll finally go on a date with you.

“Take me somewhere based on your interests, alright?” He immediately nodded. She handed him her number written on a napkin. He did it. He finally got a date with you. It was like a dream.

As he got up to go back to work, he saw something written on another napkin in your usual messy handwriting. Was it for your story? It looked like it was meant to be a title.

Origin of Tragedy.

Friday, September 15th

Seokjin reminded him for the 8th time to not dress fancy since it was not a fancy date. He was right, obviously. He just put on a hoodie with jeans, would that be presentable? It’s not like he’s wearing his pajamas.

He looked at the mirror one more time before turning to leave the apartment, grabbing his phone and wallet in the process. The two of you decided to meet in the park that was close to the coffeehouse. At first, he was thinking of taking you to the movie theater but Hoseok completely shut him down, saying that there wouldn’t be time for the two of you to talk.

He was right.

He remembered the moment he told him.

“Are you stupid? Where’s that IQ 148 Kim Namjoon we know and love with a bit of hate?” Hoseok smacked the top of his head lightly. He sighed and tried to not roll his eyes but it was becoming difficult.

“What’s so bad about watching a movie?”

“You won’t be able to talk while the movie is playing!” He yelled, dramatically flailing his arms in the air to make his point.

“Alright, alright. Fine. Then where should I take her?” Suddenly, Seokjin joined the two of you.

“Why not the park?” For once, he was actually good at giving ideas.

“By the way, Yoongi told me he’ll be returning by the 16th. I think it’s too soon to be returning especially after surgery but of course, he doesn’t give a shit.” Seokjin shook his head at that, rubbing his forehead.

“We technically need him or else this coffeehouse will be destroyed by Namjoon,” Hoseok said, laughing as Namjoon furrowed his brows at him.

He left the apartment and went to the park. It wasn’t a long walk, considering that the park was only two blocks away from his apartment. He already texted you that he was on his way to the park. Unlike the coffeehouse, the neighborhood was usually quiet.

Was it the right choice to go on a date at 7 pm? Maybe it wasn’t but he couldn’t care less. After all those encounters he’s had with you, he finally asked you out. Unfortunately, you’ll be moving soon and it made him frown at the thought of working at the coffeehouse without your presence.

He wished he could convince you to stay.

As he crossed the street, he noticed you were right on time, sitting on the bench that desperately needed to be repainted. It made him smile, knowing that he’s finally going on a date with you. You looked up and waved at him with a smile.

Remember to compliment her as soon as you see her, Seokjin’s voice rang in his head.

“You look really beautiful.” He breathed out, smiling as you blush at his words, attempting to cover your cheeks with your sleeves. He wished you didn’t. He thought it was cute in his opinion.

He wanted you to stay.

Sunday, September 17th

“Are you trying to tell me Namjoon broke 4 of our coffee brewers, Hoseok?” Yoongi asked with furrowed brows, staring into Hoseok’s soul. Hoseok barely managed to nod, terrified over what his reaction would be. Namjoon attempted to stay away from Yoongi as far as he possibly can for the rest of week to escape his wrath.

“Namjoon, I’m going to kill the living shit out of you,” Yoongi said calmly, sending shivers down his spine. Perhaps this would be his last day of working at the coffeehouse and maybe even living.

As Yoongi was walking over to him, Seokjin stepped in and complained that they were running low on supplies. Yoongi immediately followed him to check on the supplies, sparing Namjoon from his fate.

“You’re lucky I didn’t tell him about the espresso machine,” Hoseok whispered, going back to take customers orders. Namjoon let out a sigh, running his hand through his hair. He should prepare to call the police in case Yoongi decides to kill him.

“By the way, how did the date go? You didn’t even talk about Y/N yesterday.” Hoseok asked while giving the customer their change.

“It went well. We’re planning another one.” He answered. It did go well, really. He just didn’t want to talk about it with the rest.

“So are you guys official?”

“Of course.” Now that he thought about it, were you? He hasn’t even attempted to kiss you yet. He thought it was too soon or that will make you uncomfortable. Sure, there were moments that could’ve led to that but he didn’t do it. He was too scared to do it.

“You guys are talking about Y/N?” Yoongi appeared out of nowhere, scaring Namjoon. Was he going to kill him?

“She’s my neighbor. I always hear her arguing with someone. I tried to ask her about it but she just avoids the topic.” He mumbled nonchalantly, sipping his coffee. Namjoon furrowed his brows. Arguing? With who?

“Y/N is a mystery in my opinion.”

“How come?”

“It’s like she’s wearing a mask whenever she comes by. Even I can’t seem to figure her out fully.” Wearing a mask?

“I heard you also broke the espresso machine...is that true?” Yoongi raised an eyebrow at Namjoon suspiciously. He slowly nodded, terrified over his reaction but instead, Yoongi just sighed and ran his hand through his hair.

“I’m trying to decide whether to strangle you right here or to just let it go.” He mumbled.

“I suggest to just let it go,” Namjoon suggested.

“Yeah, yeah. You’re off the hook for now.” Yoongi walked away, leaving Namjoon and Hoseok on their own while Seokjin was busy updating Yoongi on the changes they’ve made while he was gone.

“Did he even notice the fairy lights?” Hoseok shook his head, smiling brightly at the fact that Yoongi hasn’t noticed.

“Isn’t Y/N supposed to come by today?” He nodded and as if on cue, you entered the coffee house but this time, you looked troubled. Namjoon watched as Seokjin took your order, looking at him for a minute and mouthing words that were most likely ‘Ask if she’s ok’. He nodded and waited for you to follow your routine.

You didn’t talk to him.

Maybe you just weren’t in the mood to talk. Yeah, that was probably it. He shook his head and prepared your drink. This time, you didn’t watch him with deep interest. Your eyes were glued to your phone, frowning at the screen and letting out a sigh.

Was there something wrong?

He gave you your drink and you quickly thanked him. Instead of going to your regular spot in the coffeehouse, you left. You didn’t stay. Namjoon frowned and furrowed his brows. Something was wrong. Sure, it shouldn’t be something he should be concerned about since it was only one time but maybe something was wrong.

He could tell Hoseok and Seokjin were staring at him, realizing you left instead of staying. Instead of looking at them, he kept working, trying to bury it with work. If anything, he was probably jumping to conclusions. You’ll return and you’ll stay.

He believed that.

Wednesday, September 20th

“Namjoon, do the world a favor and take out the trash.” Before Namjoon could protest, Yoongi already handed him the trash bag and went back to help Seokjin with cashier duty. Namjoon sighed and went outside, noticing the day was close to ending. Has it been that long?

It’s been three days since he’s seen you.

He wondered why you’ve gone mute, why you decided to cancel the second date and why you’ve just...vanished. He asked Yoongi to check up on you and he did, informing him that you’re fine. However, he told him that the arguing in your apartment wouldn’t stop.

‘She argues with that person for so long, they keep me up at night’

The sound of cars honking brought him back to reality, making him sigh and open the trash can, dumping it in there and closing it. As he walked back to the coffeehouse, he bumped into someone. He looked down and noticed it was someone he has been waiting for.

You.

“Sorry.” You mumbled before running down the street, your figure becoming smaller every second. He didn’t even get the chance to ask you about your disappearance. For a moment, he was debating whether to chase after you or not. Chasing after you would’ve given him a couple of answers.

However, he decided not to.

“What took you so long?” Yoongi asked as he saw Namjoon enter the coffeehouse with a dazed expression. He simply shrugged and went back to work, making drinks and handing it out to the customers.

He wondered where you went, why you were in a rush and why you avoided the coffee house for three days. He wanted to ask you those questions but never got the chance. He mentally slapped himself for not chasing after you. It was a perfect opportunity.

“Hey, careful! You’re going to spil-”

Too late.

He nearly dropped the coffee carafe as the heated water touched his hand. He quickly set it to the counter and hissed in pain, heading to the sink to cool his hand, soothing the pain. Seokjin held back a laugh as he finished the customer's order.

He sighed as the cool water touched his hand, avoiding eye contact with everyone, especially Seokjin who witnessed the whole thing. Namjoon wondered what your reaction would’ve been if you witnessed it. You probably would’ve laughed at him, teasing him about it for the rest of the day.

Yeah, that was probably accurate.

“How’s the burn?” Hoseok pointed at his hand, holding back another one of his smiles that could make people believe he’s the sun. He shrugged, eating his dinner with his other hand while he listened to another one of Hoseok’s stories.

Instead of joining you, he went to the break room with Hoseok. He felt bad for leaving Hoseok alone in the break room after all. It wasn’t really time for his break but Yoongi gave them permission, especially after his whole ‘burned my hand’ fiasco and even gave Hoseok permission to join him.

“Can you even write their names with your left hand?” He shrugged. Sure, he tried it once on a previous accident but his handwriting on his left hand wasn’t the best. After he was done cooling his hand from the burn, he asked Seokjin to write the names on the cups. After a couple hours from the accident, he could write their names without feeling pain.

“My right hand is fine now so I don’t need to write with my left hand.” He mumbled, finishing his dinner and waited for Hoseok to finish his own.

“You know...Yoongi finally noticed the fairy lights.” Hoseok informed, making Namjoon raise an eyebrow.

“And what did he say?”

“Nothing. I thought he was going to tell me to take it down but he didn’t, he just ignored it and went back to work.” Namjoon frowned at that. If it was Namjoon’s idea, Yoongi would’ve taken it down immediately. Of course, he has a soft spot for Hoseok.

“You’re lucky. If it was me, he would’ve shut it down.” Hoseok nodded with a smile, laughs escaping from his mouth.

“At least I don’t break shit, unlike you.”

“That’s different. It was an accident.”

“Which one are you referring to?” Namjoon scoffed, ignoring Hoseok’s laugh.

“Do you even know how much money we had to pay for the damages?” He didn’t wait for him to answer.

“Over 100 dollars! I betted with Seokjin to see if Yoongi would fire you this month but he didn’t. I had to pay him 50 dollars!” He complained, making Namjoon frown.

“You guys made a bet to see if I would get fired this month?” Hoseok nodded with a sheepish shrug.

“If it makes you feel better, you’ve been working here for 2 years already and Yoongi still hasn’t fired you.” Hoseok attempted to comfort him but it didn’t work.

“Anyway, any news on Y/N?” He shook his head, making Hoseok frown.

“She’s probably stressed out over work or moving.” He suggested. That also didn’t help. It just made him more concerned.

“Didn’t Yoongi say she’s always arguing with someone at night or something?” Hoseok nodded. Was it because of that? Was the person hurting her? That was most likely it. He wanted to stop it.

No, his brain whispered.

You’re jumping to conclusions, he thought.

He didn’t have time to think deeper about it as it was time to go back to work. The two of them got up and went to assist customers while Seokjin said goodbye to them, leaving for the day. He informed them that he won’t be able to work tomorrow to attend his friend’s wedding.

“Do you have a date then?” Seokjin shook his head at Namjoon’s question.

“It doesn’t matter. Knowing Taehyung, he’ll keep me company.” He frowned at that.

“Isn’t Taehyung getting married?” Once again, Seokjin shook his head.

“No. Jimin is the groom and since he’s friends with Taehyung, he invited him as well.” Namjoon mouthed an ‘oh’ and went back to work. He remembered he used to tease Seokjin over the fact that his friends are getting married or dating while he’s still single. Hoseok always joined in whenever it started.

It always ended with Seokjin yelling at them.

“I don’t get why we have to stay behind when it’s 11 pm. Who would buy coffee at this time?” Hoseok complained, sitting on the counter and watching the door as if a billion customers are going to appear.

“I’m not Google, Hoseok.” He replied.

“Why does Yoongi get to go home? He has no life after all! That’s not fair.” It was going to be a long shift if Hoseok continued to complain. Scratch that, he’s always like this at night whenever it’s just the two of them.

“Don’t question things that aren’t meant to be questioned.” He mumbled.

“Wait a minute...shouldn’t the coffee house be closed by now? Why is this one still open? Normal coffee houses shouldn’t be open by this time!” He continued complaining.

“Can you just be quiet and at least clean or something?” He snapped, making Hoseok finally quiet down and clean. Hoseok grumbled something inaudible but he couldn’t care less.

“Excuse me?” The two of them look at the source of the voice.

“Are you still open?” The man asked, closing his umbrella and staring at the two of them.

“Sadly, we are,” Hoseok mumbled, going to take the customer’s order. Why is he buying coffee at this time? It wouldn’t be appropriate to ask but that question still lingered in his mind.

Namjoon began working on the drink, noticing the man was staring at him as he worked. It was normal to be stared at while working, especially by you. However, his stare felt a bit intimidating.

He wrote the name down on the cup even if he didn’t have to since he was the only customer.

Jungkook.

“Here you go.” He handed the man his cup of coffee which he replied with a ‘thanks’. Namjoon simply nodded, watching as the customer sipped his coffee and turned to leave the coffee house before suddenly...

His phone rang.

He sighed and put his coffee down on a table before answering, looking at the screen and frowning. He answered it either way. Namjoon wasn’t interested in the conversation before the words that came out of Jungkook’s mouth made him freeze.

“Y/N? What’s wrong?” He spoke.

Hoseok also froze, staring straight at Namjoon with a confused expression. Could it be? No. There’s a billion Y/N’s in the world. It can’t be you. There’s probably another Y/N in the neighborhood. Yeah, that’s got to be it.

“Are you crying? Wh-” He was stopped by the person. The person was speaking loudly that Namjoon could hear from his spot. It did sound like you but he didn’t want to believe it.

“Ok, ok. I’ll come over. Want me to bring something over?” Jungkook nodded and seemed nervous. Was something wrong? He tried to believe it isn’t you. It can’t be.

“Ok. I'll see you there, bye.” He hung up, grabbing his coffee and umbrella before leaving, leaving the two of them in silence. Hoseok stared at Namjoon, making it difficult to believe that wasn’t you.

“You think that was Y/N?” He finally asked.

“I don’t know.” Namjoon quietly replied, cleaning the counter.

He hoped not.

Thursday, September 21st

Seokjin didn’t arrive as told by him yesterday.

He still remembers Jungkook, the man that came by last night. The one who talked to Y/N, was it you? He hasn’t been able to stop thinking about that possibility all day. That made Yoongi frustrated with him, scolding him to get back to work and to quit being a pain in the ass.

He felt someone tap him on the shoulder, turning and finding Hoseok giving him a wrapped gift.

For him?

Hoseok smiled sheepishly and when Namjoon took the gift, he showed him a cupcake with a lit candle. He frowned as he tried to think of a reason why he was doing this.

Suddenly, he knew the reason why.

“Your birthday is on the 12th, right? Sorry I didn’t do anything. How come you didn’t tell anyone?” He shrugged. He was right. His birthday was last week and he didn’t bother to tell anyone. Why would he tell anyone anyway? It’s not like they’ll care except for Hoseok.

“It wasn’t a big deal anyway. It’s not like no one will care.” Hoseok frowned at that.

“I care. Seokjin and Yoongi will probably care too. Y/N too.” He stiffened at the mention of you.

“Just blow the damn candle and celebrate,” Hoseok demanded, making Namjoon sigh and blow on the candle, it immediately turned off.

“Where’s Yoongi anyway?” He asked as he ate the cupcake. Hoseok took a quick picture of the scene and this time, Namjoon didn’t protest.

“He said he’s going to be late and should be here any minute.” As if on cue, Yoongi appeared but this time, holding a wrapped gift. Since when did Yoongi give gifts to his workers on their birthday?

“Happy late birthday, Namjoon.” He mumbled, putting it on top of Hoseok’s gift.

“Seokjin told me he’ll give you his gift tomorrow,” Yoongi informed, watching as Namjoon opened his gift. Super glue. He was disappointed but not surprised at his gift, looking at Yoongi and laughing.

“Now you can actually fix the stuff you destroy,” Yoongi explained, making him laugh again. Next was Hoseok’s gift. It was a book.

“You’ve always complained about wanting one of his books so I finally got you one.” He explained.

“Wow...I don’t know what to say. Thank you guys.” They nodded.

“Clearly, my gift is better since he keeps breaking stuff.” Yoongi declared, making Hoseok scoff.

“Actually, my gift is better because it will never run out, unlike yours.” He retorted.

He blurred out the rest of the argument and focused on the candle that was long forgotten by them.

For a moment there, he almost forgot about you.

Almost.

Friday, September 22nd

“How was the wedding?” Hoseok asked as soon as Seokjin arrived at the coffee house.

“It was pleasant. Taehyung clung to me like I said. I’m not quite fond of Jimin’s wife though.” Hoseok frowned at that. Namjoon didn’t want to hear the rest of the conversation but was forced since the coffee house wasn’t that busy today.

“Why? Was she mean?” Seokjin shook his head.

“No. She just...I don’t know. I just can’t explain it but if you see them together, you’ll agree.” Namjoon frowned at that. What did he mean by that?

“Besides that, one of Taehyung and Jimin’s friends joined along. He was mostly with me and Taehyung. I forgot his name...I think his name was...Jungkook?” Namjoon froze and stared at them.

“Jungkook?” He repeated and Seokjin nodded.

“Why? You know him?” Namjoon and Hoseok exchanged uneasy looks, remembering the events that happened two days ago.

“Sort of. He came into the coffeehouse late at night and was talking to someone on the phone named Y/N.” Hoseok explained, making Seokjin frown.

“He never mentioned a Y/N when I was with him. Overall, he was interesting to talk to. “ It was strange how it all connected. Y/N was involved somehow. At least, someone named Y/N. Maybe the Y/N Jungkook was talking to, wasn’t you? It can’t be.

“Oh by the way, here’s my gift, Namjoon.” Seokjin gave him his wrapped gift. Namjoon stared at it blankly for a second before taking it and thanking him which he replied with a ‘you’re welcome.’ As soon as he opened it, he already knew what it was.

A Ryan phone case.

Hoseok laughed as soon as he saw it, commenting that it was meant for Namjoon this whole time. It truly was. Namjoon thanked him once more and immediately changed his phone case, looking at his new phone case and admiring it.

He wished you were here, celebrating his late birthday with him. Was it selfish of him to wish that you would stay just for him instead of moving back to your hometown? It probably was but he couldn’t care less. He wants to see you and start a conversation with you.

Origin of Tragedy, the title for your story appeared in his flashbacks.

He wondered if you will ever finish it.

He wants to see it in his local bookstore, waiting for him to read it. He wants to open it and find a way to get you to sign it. Maybe he could ask Yoongi to help him. He wished he took the opportunity to kiss y-

His phone rang.

He immediately answered it.

“Hello?” He waited for the caller to answer but all he heard was unstable breathing and sobs. It instantly made him feel uneasy.

“Is this Kim Namjoon?”

The voice sounded like they were going to break down and cry any minute now. After all, he could already hear them sobbing. Namjoon furrowed his brows and ignored Seokjin’s worried gaze, turning away from him.

“Yes, this is Kim Namjoon. Who is this?” He once again heard sobs and uneasy breathing. He was trying to speak but failed miserably.

“I’m sorry, can you repeat that again?” He was getting even more nervous every time the person sobbed.

“I- It’s about... Y-Y/N.” He furrowed his brows at that. Why was he crying then? Something told him this was going to end badly. The person took a deep breath and finally let the words spill from his mouth.

“S-she...” He paused for a minute.

“She’s dead.” He managed to get it out, barely a whisper.

More sobs erupted after that.

He stayed dead silent for what seemed like hours, his heart throbbing in pain and he didn’t even care about the fact that he dropped his phone in utter shock, muting Seokjin and Hoseok’s voices.

Was this just a cruel joke?

A nightmare?

He stormed out of the coffee house, going to the back and kicking the trash cans down, yelling out in anger and pain. Was he getting punished? What did he possibly do to deserve this? After some time, he leaned against the wall and slowly slid down, not aware that people were watching. He clenched his fists, looking at the scenery. Why was the scenery so beautiful when a person just died?

He needed a drink.

Yoongi appeared with a can of beer in his hand and offered it to him. Namjoon looked at it for a second before taking it, finishing it in one go.

“I know it probably won’t get you drunk but..might as well.” He mumbled, joining him on the ground.

“Want to go to the bar?” He offered.

He has never said yes so fast in his entire life.

Wednesday, September 27th

“How did she die?” Seokjin whispered, watching as Namjoon put flowers on the ground in front of her grave with a solemn expression.

“Suicide. Her brother, Jungkook discovered her hanging from the bathroom doorway with a note on the ground. That’s how he contacted me.” He explained, emotion nonexistent whatsoever.

“She never finished her novel..” He muttered, watching the grave with such intensity. Was it full of regret? Seokjin wasn’t sure.

They weren’t invited to the funeral. Namjoon wasn’t even hurt by that fact. As soon as the funeral was over, he visited you with the rest of the members.

“She really was wearing a mask...” Yoongi whispered under his breath but loud enough for Namjoon to hear.

“What did the note say?” Namjoon looked at Hoseok with teary eyes and pulled out the note from his jacket. He’s surprised Jungkook let him keep the note, the last thing his sister has ever written before she hanged herself.

Hoseok didn’t read it aloud for his sake.

They gave Namjoon privacy after that, waiting for him to finish.

He stared at your grave, reading the words engraved on it. He should have known. He mentally beat himself up over the fact that he was too late. He could’ve prevented it.

He could’ve saved you.

‘If we could turn back the clock...

Where should we go back to?

Once we reach that place,

Will happiness be ours to stay?’

If Namjoon looked past your mask, would you still have been alive today?

Questions like this will keep him awake at night, haunting him and bothering him. Sometimes he feels like this is his punishment, your ghost will follow him until his last breath. He looked at the letter, noticing every curve and corner of your words.

Did you even care about him in the first place?

It drives him insane knowing that you’re probably looking at him with an emotionless expression, waiting for him to pay for his sins. September is close to ending, everything feels colder without your presence, nothing feels normal without you.

“Hey, Namjoon.”

He turned and rubbed his eyes to see if he was dreaming, staring at it in confusion. He was dreaming, he had to be.

You.

“Are you going to make my drink or just stand there?” You giggled, looking at his expression. Namjoon frowned and furrowed his brows at you. This had to be a dream. It isn’t possible. He’s seeing things.

He looked at the thing you were holding and frowned as soon as he saw it. It was like that was following him, becoming his shadow and driving him to the edge of his sanity. Was it a coincidence?

Origin of Tragedy.

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