#i told y’all it was gonna be novel

[dbnightingale24]

It’s Ridiculous, But I’ll Always Love You

A Lloyd Hansen Love Story

~~

Part 1

~~

Okay, this is too make up for my last Lloyd Hansen story (I’m really sorry y’all). This popped into my head while I was working on my Ransom story, and it wouldn’t leave me alone, so now I’m working on Lloyd and Ransom stories at the same time, because I clearly hate myself. Now, I will give y’all a heads up and let you know that there will be a few parts that might make ya cry, but it’s not like the last Lloyd story, I PROMISE.

Thank you to @fuckingbye​ for an amazing mood board (as always). You’re perfect and I love you. 

Lets get to it.

Word Count: 38,582 (me and my fucking novels)

Warnings: SMUT (Minors DNI OR I WILL SNITCH), 18+ ONLY, Fluff, Swearing, Drinking, Smoking, Cheating, Angst, Toxic Relationship, Minor Abuse, Lloyd Hansen (because he’s a walking warning),  Violence Gun Violence (it’s Lloyd), Slight Family Drama, Depression, Daddy Kink, Degrading Kink, Crying, Arguing, Child Trauma...I think that’s everything?

Song(s) That Inspired This Chapter: I’m Sorry That You’re Jaded

I do not give consent/permission for my works/stories to be posted elsewhere. I do not condone this type of behavior, this is for entertainment purposes only.

~~

“Mom!” your son, Travis, yells as he runs towards you, Lloyd following behind him at a leisurely pace; a slight scowl on his face.

Of course.

“How was your week with dad?!” you ask enthusiastically, laughing as you almost fall over from the excitement of embrace.

“It was great! We went to a football game, the park, the aquarium, and so much other stuff!”

“Did you get your schoolwork done?” you ask with a chuckle as you cock an eyebrow at your ex-husband.

“Yup! Dad helped me with math before we left for the football game! He told me he can see me being a quarterback one day!”

“I bet he did,” you chuckle, “go inside and get ready for dinner. Stuffed shells and salad tonight.” “Hell yeah!” he yells before letting go of you and running into the house as Lloyd chuckles.

“Watch your mouth!” you yell after him, before getting up, “Lloyd.”

“Hey Little Hummingbird,” he smirks.

“We’ve been divorced for four years. You can’t think of another nickname?”

“It’s the only affectionate one I have for you at the moment. The other ones are too...dirty.”

“Don’t be a dick. What’s wrong? You look annoyed.”

“Sometimes, I forget how much he’s like you.”

“Says the one who I’m sure encourages him to say ‘hell yes’. What happened? Am I grounding him?”

“No, he didn’t do anything wrong. Got into a little disagreement at the park, and like his Mother, he showed me why I was wrong.”

“Well, in that case, he’s perfect and I’m getting him whatever he wants tomorrow,” you smile as Lloyd just shakes his head and chuckles. “Are you staying for dinner?”

“Ya know, I could stay every night if you’d just take me back.”

“It would be so easy, if you hadn’t cheated.”

“A minor infraction,” he scowls and you roll your eyes.

“Are you staying or not?”

“Can’t. I have a mission to pack for.”

“Lloyd.”

“Don’t start. Denny called while I was on my way over-”

“You know I’m looking at houses next weekend! You agreed!”

“It’s work, Hummingbird.”

“Seems like you’re loyal to everyone except me,” you bite, and by the look in his eyes, you know you’ve hit a sore spot.

“You know I’m sorry-”

“Am I supposed to feel special because I’m the only person you’ve ever sorry to in your life?”

“I don’t wanna argue with you, Y/N. I’ll make it up to you. Hell, I’ll buy whatever house you decide on.” “I don’t want you buying me shit.”

“Still the most gorgeous and most stubborn woman I’ve ever known. Can you just agree? I’ve gotta leave in two hours.”

“The universe just loves to work in your favor, doesn’t it?”

“Y/N-”

“I’m obviously gonna take him, Lloyd. I’m not leaving our son with some stranger. Especially with the line of work you’re in.”

“I’ll make it up to you.”

“Yeah, whatever.”

“Don’t get upset, my pretty little flower,” he coos as he wraps his arms around your waist.

You hate how much you’re always reminded of how much you miss his touch whenever he makes any type of contact with him. Asshole.

“Let me go, Lloyd. I swear to God, I’ll knee you in the nuts.”

“We both know how much I love it when you try to get rough with me.”

“Lloyd-”

“I’m not trying to fuck you over, Y/N. It’s just work. I will make this up to both you and Travis. I promise, okay?”

“Yeah fine, whatever,” you sigh. “Travis,” you call as you reluctantly break out of Lloyd’s hold, “come and say so long to your dad! He’s gotta go away for a bit!”

“What?! No!” your son yells as he makes his way back to the doorway. “You promised me-” “It’s work, Trav. I have to go.”

“What the-”

“Watch your mouth,” you warn. “Don’t give your Dad a hard time. He said he’ll make it up to you and he always does. Now, give him a hug. He has to leave in a few hours.”

 Travis lets out a heavy sigh but hugs his Lloyd tight nonetheless, “I hate your job.” “Sometimes, I do too. We’ll do something when I get back, okay?”

“Yeah,” he mumbles solemnly before letting go and running back inside.

“I can’t seem to get it right with him,” Lloyd sighs.

“He’ll forgive you. He always forgives you.”

“And you?”

“I’ll get over it. I always do.”

“I love you.”

“That’s nice,” you mutter, running a frustrated hand through hand through your hair, because that little statement still means more to you than it should.

“Saying it back won’t make us married again, Hummingbird.”

“Why say something that isn’t true?”

“Why lie to the world’s best liar?” he smirks.

“Just go. I don’t have the energy today and you have to go.”

“I’ll call you when I’m on my way back.”

“Sounds fair enough...Lloyd, have you pissed anyone off lately?” you question as an uneasy feeling starts making its way into your stomach.

“According to you, I piss everyone off all the time.”

“I mean more than usual.”

“Nothing you need to worry about.”

“Lloyd.”

“What’s wrong, little Hummingbird?”

“Something feels...off. I don’t know. I just don’t have a good feeling.”

“Everything is fine. No one knows where you live, no one would dare dream of attacking you to get to me, and you have protection even when I’m not here. You’re fine.”

“Something doesn’t feel right. Be careful, okay?”

“Seems my sweet little butterfly still cares.”

“I fucking mean it, Lloyd. Be careful.” “I’ll be fine, Hummingbird,” he reassures you before kissing your cheek then turning to walk away.

Something you always tell him you hate, but you and him both know it’s bullshit.

“Do you still have that pistol I gave you?” he asks, turning around and facing you once he reaches the bottom step.

“I always keep it on me.”

“If you’re really feeling that paranoid, make sure it’s loaded and always on you. I’ll check in after I land, okay?”

“Okay.”

“I love you, Y/N.” “I love you too, Lloyd.”

You watch him walk back to his car and look around for anything suspicious. After being with Lloyd for forever, you’ve learned that every and anything is a possible threat. When you don’t see anything out of the ordinary, you close the door and make your way into the dining room.

“Who’s up for pasta night?!”

**

Technically, you’ve known Lloyd since your Freshman year of High School. He was on the football team and you were in the book club.

Needless to say, you two never interacted.

Sure, you’d heard of him (him being the star quarterback and all), but you two were in two completely different social groups. He made the speeches for the assembly’s to get everyone about football season, and you made sure to have your headphones on when he did. He dated (or fucked) all the cheerleaders, and you took pictures for the school paper. He was voted Homecoming king, and you and your friends made fun of the people who were obsessed with that kind of thing. He was prom king, and you didn’t go to prom.

You two just led completely different lives.

Then came college.

“Thought I knew you from somewhere,” he said, smug grin on his face as he approached your desk after Psych class. “We went to High School together.”

“May I help you with something, Hansen?” you asked, very obviously annoyed as you packed your backpack.

“Don’t get all sour on me and I haven’t even done anything yet,” he taunted with a chuckle.

“Lloyd Hansen: world’s biggest asshole, star quarterback, campus’ biggest womanizer, straight A dickhead...how may I help you, Hansen?” you sighed as you stood up and slung your backpack over your shoulder. “How may I help you?”

“I thought we’d have lunch together.”

“Now, why would that big brain of yours come to that conclusion?”

“Because I know how much you don’t want to,” he grinned at you.

And that’s how it started.

It didn’t matter how or how often you said no, Lloyd wouldn’t give up. You could conclude that the chase is what drew him in. Every woman on campus (even the fucking teachers) threw themselves at him.

And then there was you.

All you wanted was to stay clear of him because, if anything, Harvard made him worse than he was in High School. He was more arrogant, more annoying, way more of a dickhead, and more of a womanizer. While everyone else flocked in his direction, you made sure to stay as much out of his line of site as possible, which only made him want you more.

Then your Junior year came.

“Y/N, we never get you out of your dorm! Now, we finally get you to come to a party, and you’re not even gonna drink?!” your best friend, Tina, pouted as she tried to make herself heard over the music.

“I don’t want to sleep all day tomorrow, and-”

“Y/N, it’s a party!” Tina laughed. “Just have a drink!”

“Tina-”

“You’re a straight A student! One drink isn’t gonna hurt!”

Well, soon enough, one drink turned into one too many

“How’d they get the Virgin Mary to leave her dorm?” Lloyd laughed as he stumbled a little, approaching you with his red Solo cup in hand.

“Leave me alone, Hansen,” you slurred as you leaned against the counter to stay upright.

“Well, the poet-”

“Lloyd, I am not like every other girl here. I’m not impressed with all the shit you can quote from dead old guys. Go...go away.”

“Let me impress you with something else then,” he smirked.

To this day, you still blame the alcohol for the reason you gave in to him at all. You were both drunk, so he wasn’t even all that charming.

“Lloyd,” you moaned as he laid you down on what you can only assume was his bed.

From the look of the room, you had a hard time imagining that it could have been anyone else’s room.

“Such a dirty little hummingbird, aren’t you? Letting me eat your pussy in the kitchen where anyone could see,” he hummed as he ripped your dress off.

What an asshole.

“Please!” you whimpered as he took his shirt off.

“Felt so good, didn’t it?”

“Lloyd, I fucking swear-”

“Jesus, a needy little whore, huh?”

“Then satisfy me!”

“Ask nicely,” he growled before slapping you.

It’s painfully annoying how much he knew what you needed. Even before you did.

“Lloyd-”

“Ask nicely,” he warned again before he slapped you harder.

“Please!”

“Please who?”

“Please, Lloyd!”

“Who?” he growled before slapped you again.

“Please daddy! Please!”

“There’s a good girl,” he smirked before he crashed his lips into yours, as you both fell back on the bed.

You’d always had rules about hooking up, and one of them was them was that you never kissed. For as much as you wanted to push Lloyd off, it felt so fucking good to get kissed with so much passion.

You’d never been kissed so good in your life.

“You want daddy to destroy this pussy, little Hummingbird?” he husked as you two broke apart.

“Please,” you whimpered as you clawed at his chest.

“What will give me in return, hmm?”

“Anything you want,” you promised him.

God, how did he manage to turn you into the biggest idiot in such a short amount of time?

You and Lloyd kept each other up all night, pleasuring and torturing each other in all the ways you could think of, before finally bowing out at 2am. You were usually smart enough to leave after all was said and done, but Lloyd wore you out and he wasn’t kicking you out. You don’t even remember falling asleep, you just remember him letting you rest your head on his chest.

When you woke up the next morning, he was still fast asleep, so you grabbed a pair of his sweats and his crew neck, and quietly slipped out. It really didn’t mean anything to you that you let him eat you out on some dirty kitchen counter top at a party, because isn’t that what college is for? Being crazy and stupid? However, the attention you received after started to annoy the shit out of you.

“Okay so, if you would have told me that alcohol makes you that wild, I wouldn’t have encouraged you to drink so much,” Tina laughed as she caught up to you as you were leaving your English class.

“It was just sex. It’s not like I injected myself with heroine or did a line of blow off of someone’s ass crack. I let Lloyd Hansen eat me out during a party.” “Exactly!” she laughed, “Lloyd Hansen-”

“He’s not God.”

“Around here he is!”

“Only because you all make it so.”

“Isn’t that his crew neck?”

“It’s comfortable and I overslept.”

“When are you seeing him again?”

“Never?”

“Y/N-”

“It was sex, not some lifelong commitment. He fucks whoever and whatever he wants all the time. I’m not anything special to him.”

“He let you stay over.”

“Yeah? So?”

“Lloyd never lets anyone stay over. If he does, he wakes up early enough to kick them out in the morning.”

“I left-”

“Denny said he’s not happy about that. He expected you to be there.”

“That was a dumb thing to expect.”

“He likes you, babe,” she laughed as you two continued your trip to the library.

“Tina, he’s the same piece of shit hes always been. The only difference is that I got drunk enough to let him get his hands on me.”

“You don’t even want to consider the idea of one date with him?”

“I don’t want to consider the idea of anything with him.”

Too bad Lloyd had other plans.

“It’s been two weeks and you haven’t come to see me,” Lloyd growled quietly as he aggressively took a seat across from you in the library.

“Well, look who it is,” you mumbled, not even bothering to look up from your book, “I’m amazed you could find the library, honestly.”

“What the fuck is your issue?”

“Currently? You distracting from my work.”

“We fucked-”

“Exactly. We fucked. There was no exclusive agreement made that I’d come and see you, fuck you on the regular, or that we’re dating. I know that you know that more than anyone else. It was a college party, we fucked, and now it’s over. Sorry I didn’t leave you a goody bag,” you scoffed as you started to take notes.

“You didn’t seem to hate me so much when my face was buried between your legs.”

“The fact that I even let you touch me lets you know just how fucking drunk I was. You’ve been trying to get into my pants since Freshman year, and it took you until I got shit faced at a party to fuck me? It wasn’t anything special.”

“Why isn’t it?”

“Why shouldn’t it be?”

“Because I’m your Huckleberry,” he smirked.

It’s sad and pathetic that, that’s all it took for him to win you over. A cheesy line from what you would come to find is his favorite movie. It took a bit of back and forth, but Lloyd Hansen eventually talked you into going on a date with him. You could tell by how hard he was having to work, he was getting annoyed.

However, one date turned into two. Two turned into study sessions and late night phone calls. Soon enough, you were the only woman on campus holding all of Lloyd’s attention, and pissed off every other woman. You found yourself giving a damn about football and showing up to almost every game (which he made a big show of every single fucking time), and he stayed up with you during the nights when you studied entirely too much over the things you already knew for an exam.

Eventually, you two became boyfriend and girlfriend.

“What would think of me with a mustache?” he asked one night while you were studying in his dorm.

“Stop watching so much damn ‘Tombstone’,” you laughed.

“Shut up. What would you think?”

“You mean, would I still fuck you? I don’t know, Huckleberry. I guess you’ll have to grow it out and we’ll see,” you shrugged. “If it stops you from letting me ride your face, then I don’t want it.”

“Now why would I ever tell you to stop doing that?” he smirked as he pushed your books off the bed and you burst out laughing. “Exams are over, aren’t they?”

“Lloyd-”

“You kept daddy waiting for so long,” he continues as he took your shirt off, “and now you bring up riding my face?”

“Daddy,” you moaned as you lost all resolve.

“Hummingbird, I’ve been patient with you. It’s time for my reward.”

“Fuck,” you sighed as he ripped off your panties.

“Am I still your Huckleberry?”

“Always, daddy!” you moaned.

“There’s my good girl. My perfect little Hummingbird,” he smirked before he dove between your legs and started fucking you with his tongue.

In a short amount of time, you two had become inseparable. It’s not like you ever meant to fall in love with him; he was an asshole, he was rude, he was unforgiving, he was prideful, he was boastful, and he was arrogant.

Arrogant as fuck.

But with you? He was different. You could almost say that he was a gentleman.

It didn’t take long for you to see that he was a bit unhinged, especially when he was playing football, but somehow you found a way to make an excuse for it.

Then, everything changed.

“So, I’ve been talking with Denny-”

“That’s never a good thing,” you sighed, as laid down on Lloyd’s bed.

“I would be a good fit for the CIA-”

“HA! No you wouldn’t!”

“Fuck you!”

“Lloyd, you barely listen to your football coach. You think you can handle training for the CIA?”

“I’m not that bad.”

“Lloyd, just stick with-”

“I took a test.”

“So, we’re keeping secrets now? That’s great,” you scoffed as you got up. “I didn’t keep a secret, Hummingbird,” he scowled.

“Don’t fucking get cute with me! You didn’t tell me about it-”

“Cause you’d try and talk me out of it!”

“We had a plan, Hansen!”

“We can still stick to it-” “We quite literally can’t if you’re joining the fucking CIA!” you huffed as you put your shoes on.

“You’re not fucking mad at Tina-”

“I’m not in love with her or thinking about marrying her!”

“Oh, don’t be dramatic, Hummingbird,” he mumbled.

“I’m going back to my room-”

“No you’re not,” he growled, grabbing your arm and pushing you against the door. “We’re talking about this!”

“Oh, now you wanna talk about it? Too fucking bad!”

“Y/N, don’t make a big fucking deal out of-”

“You lied to me! You don’t get to be annoyed-” “I didn’t fucking lie!”

“You weren’t fucking upfront about it! I’m going back-”

“No you’re not!”

Instead of deciding to keep the back and forth going, you opted to knee him in the nuts.

It’s truly cute how thought that was going to get you out of his room.

“There you go, being a little bitch!” he groaned, his on you still tight as he thew you onto the bed.

“I’m leaving!”

“Hummingbird, it’s really a shame that you haven’t figured out how this works,” he chuckled darkly as he took off his shirt and threw it across the room, “you don’t fucking leave until I say so, and I say that we’re not done talking about this.”

It’s not lost on you that and you and Lloyd were never in really a normal or healthy relationship. You two got off on arguing and getting physical with one another. In fact, on more than one occasion, his housemates had to check to make sure you two weren’t killing each other.

You were sure that Lloyd would never actually physically hurt you. If anything, he let you hit him a lot more than he ever put his hands on you. He knew he was an asshole and 90% of the times when you slapped him, he knew he deserved it. Occasionally, he’d get rough and throw you against the wall or grip you by your neck, but that’s how you two usually ended up in bed anyway.

Why the hell should you give a damn?

That’s also why Lloyd loved you so much though.

You weren’t afraid of him, you didn’t take his shit, you put him in his place, and you were just as sexual and wild as him. He’d met his match. He couldn’t control you (something he both loved and hated), you were witty as hell, you were smart as whip, and you constantly called him on his shit.

In some ways, you two were a match made in hell; so to Lloyd, it meant you two were a match made in heaven.

You two stayed up arguing and fucking for hours that night, but at the end of it all, his mind was made up and you weren’t going to breakup with him. Somehow, you’d become in love enough that putting up with his shit didn’t seem like too much, though Tina would beg to differ.

You two just understood each other. There wasn’t anything necessarily wrong with Lloyd. His parents (while snobbish and infuriating at times) loved the hell out of him, supported him in everything he did, and his Mother made sure to always tell him how proud she was. Whatever Lloyd decided to do, he was good at. No matter how hard or challenging, he excelled better than anyone else. If he wasn’t going to be number one, he didn’t see the point in doing it. It also helped that his parents were loaded and he had every opportunity in the world lined up for him.

No, Lloyd didn’t have some terrible backstory as to why he turned out a little unhinged. He just did and he was good at hiding it from everyone. Everyone except you.

As for you? You just were what you were. No, you definitely didn’t hate people as much as Lloyd did, but you did your best to stay away as much as possible. Your parents had gotten by, by living paycheck to paycheck, but taught you the value of being kind and patient with others, but to never be a fool. They loved to throw little parties and had lots of friends. The day you got your acceptance letter from Harvard (on a full scholarship), they partied all weekend with their friends. There was no short supply of love in your house, and you (for the most part) cherished that. Maybe that’s why you were able to handle Lloyd so well.

You both could tell that neither of your parents were expecting the two of you to be together, and it wasn’t hard to see that they didn’t really like each other, but they saw how happy the two of you were. So, when Lloyd proposed after graduation, both of your parents worked together to throw you the very best engagement party. Yes, there was back and forth about where it should be held, how much money was spent, but it was overall gorgeous and you two were happy.

For the longest time, you two were so happy.

It’s not like either of you didn’t know that Lloyd was sociopath, but you always handled it well, and that always made him feel normal. When he got kicked out of the CIA, you weren’t surprised in the slightest, but you never rubbed it in his face. When he was assigned to the private sector, you weren’t necessarily happy about it, but accepted it with as much grace and dignity as you could.

“It’s a job!” Lloyd yelled as he followed you into the kitchen of the house his parents bought for the both of you as a wedding present.

“I don’t wanna talk about it anymore, Huckleberry,” you sighed, grabbing a bottle of Jack Daniels off the shelf, as well as the cigarettes you kept beside it.

“Hummingbird-”

“Lloyd, I love you. I feel like after all the time, it’s very obvious just how deeply and truly I do. However, this? I need to process it.”

“What’s wrong with it?!”

“Let’s not do this right now.” “No, tell me!”

“Lloyd, you’re fucking insane! You didn’t get kicked out because you’re too soft! You got kicked out because you don’t know when to fucking stop! Now, you have your own private fucking sector that you’re in charges of, and it’s supposed to be okay?! All of this is supposed to be a good idea?! We’re fucking married! Besides the fact that I absolutely hate this for you, what about me?!”

“You know there isn’t anything I wouldn’t do-”

“Lloyd, you have this job because the CIA can’t do the jobs you’ll get assigned! Your enemies are gonna be way worse!”

“I will always keep you safe, no matter what! You know that!”

“Lloyd-”

“This is good! It’s good for us! I can provide-”

“I have my own fucking job that pays me well enough!”

“Hummingbird, I’m good at this. Really fucking good at this. It’s what I’m meant to do.”

“I don’t want to talk about it anymore, Lloyd. If this is what you’re gonna do, it’s what you’re gonna do. You always do what you wanna do, so why should that change now, right?”

“Hummingbird-”

“I don’t feel like talking about this anymore,” you shrugged, grabbing a lighter, along with your drink and cigarette, before you made your way out on to the patio.

That was one of the roughest weeks you two had, had in a while. He wasn’t backing down and you weren’t changing your position.

Maybe that’s when it all went wrong.

It was the first time you weren’t giving Lloyd all of your support, and it hurt him more than he wanted to admit, because Lloyd was prideful before anything else. Nonetheless, you two were just as in love as you two had always been, and a year later, you were pregnant. Initially, you were both over the moon, but the reality of his job started to set in, and soon enough it just became another argument for you two to have. He wasn’t going to quit and and you weren’t going to change your mind about wanting him to do something else.

Nine months later, you welcomed Travis Michael Hansen into the world, and you both fell in love with him instantly. You’d both agreed on the name Charles (after your grandfather because Lloyd wanted to name him Doc and...no), but while you were sleeping, he decided he didn’t like like it and told them Travis. Too tired from being tired when you woke up, you let him win that round.

Lloyd shocked you both with how good of Father he was. He was very hands on, he got up to take care of Travis when he would scream at three in morning and you were too tired, he read to him, and he even took time off of work when he thought that Travis was close to taking his first steps because he didn’t want to miss a thing.

For all of the faults that he had, Lloyd was a good Dad.

Years went by and for just as good as they got, they also got that much worse.

“Lloyd, I can’t fucking do this by myself! I need you here!”

“Don’t fucking start, Hummingbird. I’m working-”

“I’m working! I’m working, raising our son, making sure that everything-”

“I’ve told you over and over again that you can quit!”

“Lloyd, you are not the only person who likes their fucking job! Why should I have to-”

“Because you’re a fucking mom now!”

“You’re a fucking dad!”

“It’s your fucking job-”

“Fuck you, Hansen,” you scoffed, grabbing your glass of wine before you got up, “go straight to hell.”

From then on, the arguments got harsher and the nights got lonelier. Even when he was home, you didn’t sleep in the same bed as him. You weren’t strong enough to deny him what he wanted from you most (which was intimacy), and staying away was the only way to not give in.

Then, one night, he came home from a mission and you could easily tell that everything was about to change.

“What the he is all this?” you asked as you walked into the kitchen, seeing Lloyd seated with two glasses filled with red wine.

“Is he sleeping?” he asked solemnly.

“We’re still at the age where it doesn’t take much for him to want sleep. Having a four year old has it perks,” you smirked as you sat down. “What happened?”

“You know I love you more than anything-”

“Just spit it out. What happened?”

“I cheated,” he sighed.

You drank your entire glass without taking a single breath to stop, before you instantly refilled it.

“Hummingbird, we can work-”

“I want a divorce, Lloyd. Simple as that.”

“We can work this-”

“I told you that would be where I drew the line. That, and I can’t keep fucking do this with you anymore.”

“We can figure this out-”

“We’ve been “figuring this out” since we graduated from college. You’re a selfish bastard-” “Don’t act like you didn’t play a part in this!”

“Because I won’t open my legs for you, it’s my fault?!”

“You’re not available at all! Not even to talk! You’re constantly punishing me for not doing the things you want and deny me any ounce of affection!”

He had you there.

“This isn’t Harvard. We’re too old to just fuck this away-”

“I have never cheated on you before!”

“But you’ve fucked me over before and I can’t...we both can’t keep hurting each other anymore.”

“We don’t have to do this,” he sighed, his voice cracking as he fought off his tears.

“I can’t keep settling. I can’t keep making excuses for the shit that you do. I’m not another one of your punching bags.”

“You know I love you.”

“It’s clearly not enough,” you laughed humorlessly as you sniffled. “This is just done.”

“Hummingbird, we can make this work.”

“Give me a good reason to.”

“Because I’m your Huckleberry.”

You reached across the table and grabbed his hand while smiling mournfully at him, “no, not anymore.”

You couldn’t even blame him for cheating, honestly. You denied him of yourself in every way possible. You pushed him away, not because you wanted to, but you wanted to him to choose you over everything. When you’re honest with yourself, you purposely pushed him away because you were hurting. You’d been hurting for so long and you’d stop talking about it, which was something Lloyd was big on when it came to you. He didn’t give a fuck about making sure anyone else was happy, but when it came to you? He needed you. He needed to know what you were thinking and how you felt about everything, even if it wasn’t happy.

That was one of the many true perks of being with him; he didn’t care if you had something positive or negative to tell him, he just wanted to know your true and honest thoughts. He needed to know where you were at all time mentally and emotionally. You shut yourself down and, after trying to reach you so many times, it made sense that he just went for comfort elsewhere.

In the end, you told him you wanted nothing (even though he tried to give you the house), got your own house, you both evenly split your time with Travis, and you two were divorced.

As simple, and as painful, as that.

Of course, Lloyd pulled every trick he could, claiming that movers missed a few thing, but you knew he hid them in attempt to see you.

“Where the fuck is it, Lloyd?” you scowled as you made your way inside the house.

“Where’s what?”

“My Mother’s fucking charm bracelet! You know what? I don’t have the time or the patience for this today. Plus. Travis is sleeping and I don’t want to wake him.”

“Maybe we should look for it together,” he suggested with a smirk.

That should’ve been for signal for you to leave, but you missed him just as much as he missed you. You were just as pathetic.

“Fuck,” you sighed, as Lloyd shoved you against his bedroom wall. “We can’t!” you whispered as you wrapped your arms around his neck.

“Oh yes we can,” he chuckled. “If I recall correctly, we’re very good at it,” he teased as he undid your jeans.

“Lloyd,” you whimpered, not even slightly embarrassed by the moan that leaves your mouth when his hand started teasing your sensitive bundle of nerves.

“My little Hummingbird is so wet for daddy,” he groaned as he got on his knees, “don’t worry, daddy’s gonna make it all better,” he promised before he ripped off your panties and buried his face in between your legs.

Every part of you knew that you should stop, but it felt so good to have him again. Even if it was just for a moment. It had been so long, and you could tell just how much he loved and missed you. By the time he finished you off with his tongue, you told yourself that it would only be one time. You just needed a fix and that would be it.

That was such bullshit.

You couldn’t even pin it all on Lloyd, because the second you two got started, you couldn’t stop. You didn’t want to. It’s not like you filed for a divorce because you stopped loving him, it just wasn’t working anymore. You missed him, you were still deeply in love with him, and he was your soulmate. Lloyd Hansen is no saint, but that doesn’t change the fact that he’s the only one for you.

He pulled you apart in every position you loved, your body writhing in pleasure while your head and your heart were at war with each other, and his name leaving your mouth like a silent prayer every time he brought you off. During the final round, he whispered that he loved you, and you said it back without any hesitation. There was no sense in hiding the truth, because you’d always been an open book to Lloyd to begin with.

When you both a fell asleep that night, he held you tight, like he was afraid you’d disappear like the night when you two first slept together.

He was right.

When morning came, you woke up first (because made the mistake of facing the blinds), and his grip had loosened just enough for you to slip out. You knew it would hurt him, but the night shouldn’t have happened in the first damn place. Almost as soon as you stepped foot inside your house, the texts started coming. You truly didn’t want to hurt him, but you knew you two couldn’t get back together. It would be great for a while, then it would all go back to shit.

That’s what always happened.

It was easier in college. You two would argue, things would be said and sometimes things would be thrown, you’d storm out, you’d ignore him for a day or two, he come to your dorm, you two would fuck like rabbits, and everything would go back to how it was.

That’s not the case anymore.

You two have a child and his job was only becoming more and more dangerous. You were tired of feeling like you were the only one doing all the work, and tired of feeling like Lloyd didn’t put you first. Yeah, he loved you, but it wasn’t enough for him to truly put you and Travis first. At some point, you had to draw the line. You weren’t even holding the cheating against him, you just couldn’t keep up the act anymore. All of it was tiring and even if you’d be alone forever, you couldn’t deal with the pain he made you feel. He was your world and you just felt like an awkward painting hanging up in his.

“So we’re back to you sneaking out after-”

“That’s the only time that’s happening again,” you quietly interrupted as Travis ran past you and into the house.

“Hummingbird-”

“It can’t happen anymore, Lloyd. I fucked up, but I’m not strong enough to keep this up with you. We’re divorced.”

“Because you filed for one!”

“Lloyd, I don’t wanna argue. It’s part of the reason I filed for the divorce in first damn place. Just...we had our time together and now it’s done.”

“You still love me-” “What does that have to do with anything? For as much as we love each other, we can’t seem to get any of this right. It’s not enough for us!”

“Why can’t you just let it go?!”

“Why can’t you quit your job?”

“Hummingbird-”

“Lloyd, we have to stop hurting each other. I know your main setting is asshole and mine is bitch, but we do love each other, and we’ve gone through too much to be cruel to one another. I don’t want to hurt you and you don’t want to hurt me. Besides, we have Travis now and we have to do our best for him.”

He let out a frustrated sigh but didn’t say anything, because as much as he didn’t want to admit it, he knew you had a point. Even if that point broke his heart, and made him angry because he wasn’t getting his way, he did love you too much to ever truly hurt you.

He pulled you close and kissed you so passionately that you went weak in the knees. When you two broke apart, you could see the pain in his eyes, but you could also see the look of defeat. He looked you over before he let you go and walked off.

And that was that.

It’s not like Lloyd hasn’t made advances towards you since, and you almost give in, but it’s been bearable for the most part. His pride and anger does get the better of him sometimes, which causes him to be an asshole and you two to argue. He gets mad that this isn’t just a phase for you and that you’re actually sticking to it, and it causes him to be...well, Lloyd. Sometimes it’s a drunk text about how he had a threesome and he couldn’t figure out why it took him so long to cheat on you, sometimes he’ll call during those threesomes just so you can hear him getting those other women off and how desperate they are for him, and other times it’s just the cold shoulder.

Which is somehow so much worse.

You know he never means it, but it doesn’t make any of it hurt any less, and when Travis is fast asleep, you sit in your kitchen and drink; crying until you’re desperate for sleep. So, in return, you stopped telling him you love him, or showing him any sort of affection at all, really. Maybe it was for the best. The only time you tell him that you love him is when you get the feeling that he’s in serious danger. Which is why you’re so damn worried now.

Yeah, Lloyd checked in when he landed and told you all was fine, but the lack of communication is driving you insane. Yes, it’s always like this for your own safety, but right now, not constantly knowing that he’s safe is making everything worse. The last time you felt like this, he ended up almost getting killed. Some brat named Sierra Six was keeping something from him, a drive or something (you don’t ask questions because you truly don’t care to know), and Denny sent Lloyd to get it back. In the end, Six was killed, Suzanne was killed, and Agent Miranda was killed. Lloyd was in a coma for a while and you stayed by his side every second of every day (which you never told him about) and his and your parents were happy to look after Travis. You think it helped to keep all of their minds occupied, cause it was the first time you saw all of them truly get along with one another.

Now? You don’t know what it is, but something isn’t right. God, you just hope he’s okay.

**

“Mom, dad said these are-”

“Put it back, Travis,” you said as your son tries to hand you some protein drink.

You’re gonna choke Lloyd when he gets back.

“Why don’t you ever want me to bring up Dad?” he scowls as he resumes his job of pushing the cart through the grocery store.

“Because you always bring him up when you want something.”

“That’s the only time I can bring him up, because you hate him.”

“I don’t hate your Father, baby.”

“Well, you sure as shit-”

“TRAVIS!”

“You never like to talk about him,” he mutters.

You’re gonna beat the shit out of Lloyd when he gets back.

Travis is a very good mix of you and Lloyd, and you figure that’s God’s way of playing a joke on you. He has Lloyd’s athleticism, your love of art, Lloyd’s love of movies, your love of music, your patience and big heart, Lloyd’s smart ass mouth, and both of your tempers. On more than one occasion, you and Lloyd have had to make trips to the school because of his temper. Either, he’s calling a teacher a dumbass or shoving other kids into lockers because they annoy him, and it’s very obvious that he’s a product of the both of you.

The kid is only eight.

“It’s complicated, okay? Maybe one day, when you’re older.”

“I’m old enough-”

“You’re 8 with the mouth of a damn sailor,” you mumble. “Do you want any lunch meat for school?”

“Dad said I should keep eating those grilled wraps you make. Something about protein and all that.”

“Your Father would know all about that,” you scoff as you shake your head. “Then we’re all set.”

“Can we watch an action movie tonight?”

“If you watch your mouth for the rest of the day and finish up your homework. One movie.”

“Is Dad gonna be home soon?”

“I hope so,” you sigh as you feel a pair of eyes on you.

You look over to the butchers section and see a man watching you intensely.

Great.

Yeah, you have one of your pistols on you (something you’ve kept on you since Lloyd left), but it doesn’t help that you’re out in public with your son. Maybe you are just being paranoid, but it really doesn’t. After almost losing Lloyd, you’ve learned to always trust your gut.

“What does Dad even do?” Travis asks, completely oblivious to your anxiety and stress.

“He takes care of business for your Godfather when he can’t.”

“Doesn’t Uncle Denny work for the government or something?”

“Something like that. What’s with all the questions?”

“I don’t know. I just miss Dad and I wish he was around more.”

“Me too, kid,” you sigh as you two make your way to the self check-out line.

“Is that why you two aren’t together anymore?”

“You and the questions today!”

“I’m allowed to have them!”

“Don’t worry about it, okay? Just know that we both love and think the world of you, and we’d do anything for you. You’re the center of our universe.” “Then why is he always gone?” he sighs and your heart breaks.

You’ve been asking yourself the same question for years.

“Hey, how about we watch ‘Tombstone’ tonight?” you smile at him.

“Really?!”

“Just don’t let your Dad know when gets back, deal?”

“Deal,” he laughs.

There’s no way in hell you’re going to let Lloyd know that you cracked and watched his favorite movie to make your son happy. Cocky son of a bitch doesn’t get to rub that in your face.

Checkout is a breeze and you and Travis load everything into your truck without an issue, but you still feel uneasy. Between going to the bank and not seeing your usual teller, feeling as if you’re being followed whenever you go to work, and now the feeling like the new butcher was watching you at the grocery store, you just can’t shake the feeling that a storm is brewing. You don’t know who the fuck Lloyd pissed off, but you wish he’d come back already.

You’d feel a lot safer if he were back.

“Alright, Mary’s gonna be here in a bit-”

“You said we were gonna watch ‘Tombstone’!”

“Calm down!” you quickly interject as give him the key to the house before starting to unload the groceries. “I just have some work to do. You knew she was coming over-”

“You and Dad always have to work!”

“At least I’m here!” you snap before you can control yourself. “Trav, listen, we have a whole weekend together and I promise to spend every minute with you after this. I just need to close on this deal. I promise you, I tried my hardest to get out of it, but my boss doesn’t want the client speaking with anyone else. It should take two hours at most, okay?”

“I hate your boss.”

“That makes two of us, sweetie.”

“You promise it’ll only take two hours?”

“I’ll do my best to keep it down to one. Listen, if you don’t give Mary a hard time, I’ll even let you stay up and watch a horror movie.”

“Really?!”

“Yeah, it’s Friday, why not?” you laugh.

“Thanks Mama, I love you.” “I love you too. Now, lets get all of this crap in the house, huh?”

“I’ll get the door,” he yells over his shoulder, already running to unlock it.

Now you feel like shit.

It’s not lost on Travis, Lloyd, or you that you always make Travis a priority, but that doesn’t matter right now. He’s upset because he misses his dad, and now you have to work too. You’ve done your absolute best to be there for Travis as much as possible, but they’re some things that are out of control. It makes you feel a little bad for always being so angry with Lloyd about his job, but you also take into account that your job is a lot less dangerous.

However, you both have a child and you’re more than sure that he just wants to feel as normal as the other kids in his class. Their parents aren’t divorced and one of them isn’t flying off on random ass trips most of the time. You know that Travis is reaching an age where he’s gonna want and deserves more answers, but one, you don’t know how to deal with the fact that he’s growing up so fast, and two, you don’t know how to explain all of shit to him.

“Your dad is basically a contract killer, we got a divorce because I felt like he didn’t care about us enough, and we both miss each other terribly but don’t know how hard we try, we can’t seem to work anything out. We love you the most though and that’s what matters most.”

Yeah, for as smart as you may be at 34, you’re not smart enough to figure out that conversation yet, and you’re sure as shit that Lloyd isn’t either.

A rapid tapping on your door pulls you out of your thoughts, and you’re instantly running to the front door.

“I’m so sorry I’m late!” Mary breathes as you usher her in.

“Please don’t feel bad,” you chuckle, closing the door behind her. “Thank you so much for being so flexible. With Lloyd leaving so suddenly, without any warning, I appreciate the help.”

“I would do anything for you and Travis, you know that,” she smiles awkwardly.

You know the poor girl feels like she’s paying penance at times, because she slept with Lloyd during his revenge tour, but you never blamed her. If he could get you, and you absolutely loathed him when he first approached you, you knew he could get anyone.

Lloyd Hansen may be a complete and total dick, but he’s also a charmer when he wants to be.

“The longest all of this should take is two hours, but I’ll do my best to get it done quicker. Travis is starving, so I’m sure he’ll be more than happy to help in the kitchen, but you also have the option to order food. My card is on the kitchen countertop, so get whatever. He usually loves Chinese food, but it’s Friday and he’s his Father’s child, so pizza may be the best...why am I telling you all of this? You’ve watched him long enough that you know everything.”

“I promise, everything will be fine,” she smiles. “Good luck with your deal!”

“Yeah, I’m gonna need it,” you smile at her. “I’m gonna go upstairs now, okay Trav?!” you call from the living area entry way and, almost instantly, Travis is running towards you and wrapping his arms around your waist.

“You sure you can’t just hangout today?”

“I promise to make it up to you as soon as it’s over.”

“I love you, Mom.”

“I love you too, hun,” you tell him sincerely before breaking yourself out of his hold. “I promise, the second I’m all done, I’m all yours,” you smile at him.

With that, you’re rushing upstairs and hoping onto the call just in time.

You gotta take him Disney World or some shit when everything calms down.

For the first thirty minutes, everything is fine and as it should be, then you hear a commotion downstairs, followed by gunshots.

“Are those gunshots I-”

You close the laptop before he can finish and grab your pistol.

You fucking knew something was wrong.

You quickly and quietly make your way to steps before you hear another set of gunshot.

Travis.

“Are you sure she’s his wife?!” one person yells.

“They have the same fucking hair and that’s her card on the countertop! It’s gotta be her!”

“That’s the woman you saw at the bank?!”

“Is that the woman you saw at the grocery store?! If we don’t get this right, Andrew will kill us!”

“It’s gotta be her!”

“You sure we got the kid?!”

“I’m positive! We gotta- ah, shit!” the one guys yells as you run down the steps and you start shooting.

You hit one of them in the arms and the other in the leg, but they’re able to get away. You would be more than happy to go after them, but Travis. He’s all you care about right now.

You make your way into the living area and see Mary dead on the floor; two shots to the chest and one to the head. You have to search for Travis (he’s always been a smart kid), but once you find him, you instantly fall apart.

“Mom-”

“Shh, don’t say any thing,” you cry softly as you cradle him in your arms. “I’m gonna call for help and you’re gonna be fine.”

“It hurts!”

“I know, baby, I know. Just focus on anything else right now,” you cry as you take out your cellphone, frantically dialing 9-1-1. “Tell me about the football game you went to with Dad,” you sob, doing your best to keep your cool.

You know that you being a complete wreck isn’t going to help a damn thing. As Travis tries to goes on about the game he went to with Lloyd, you explain to the operator that hes been shot in his ribcage, his stomach, and you’re pretty sure in his hip. You can’t get a good look because you can’t stop fucking crying and there’s so much blood everywhere. Soon enough, the medics arrive and they’re taking Mary out in a body bag and while the other set of medics are tending to Travis.

You don’t want to leave his side, but once again, you’ve been with Lloyd long enough to know that you always need to take precaution. You’re quick to run upstairs and grab your purse, your phone, your second pistol, and any sensitive information. When you make your way downstairs, you grab your credit card that was on the kitchen countertop, as well as the pistol you shot the perpetrators with, before quickly following the paramedics out.

You send Lloyd a handful of text messages, as well as your parents and his, but no one is answering. The paramedics try to offer you a sedative, but at some point, you threaten to bite them if they don’t leave you alone.

You don’t need a sedative, you need Lloyd.

About 20 minutes after you arrive, both you and Lloyd’s parents show up, asking every fucking question known to man.

“I can’t do this right now,” you sob as they keep pushing for more answers than you can provide. “I need you all to stay here. There’s something I need to do.”

“What’s more important than taking care of your son?!” Lloyd’s Mother sobs.

“Finding your fucking son, his Father!” you snap, getting up and storming out.

You don’t mean to yell at her, just like you didn’t mean to yell at the paramedics, and just like you didn’t mean to yell at the doctors when they told you that there’s a strong chance that Travis might not make it. You don’t mean to snap at anyone, you just need your soulmate. Which is why you find yourself in a car service and on your way to CIA headquarters.

“DENNY!” you scream as you storm your way inside, scaring even the security guards.

“Ma’am, you can’t-”

“GET IN MY WAY AGAIN AND I WILL KILL YOU!” you scream. “DENNY CARMICHAEL, GET YOUR ASS OUT HERE!”

“Ma’am-”

“Get me Denny Carmichael, or I wear to GOD, I’m going to start killing people. You think Lloyd Hansen is crazy? Just wait until you have to deal with his ex-wife.” “Shit,” you hear one of the guards mumbles before he runs off.

Smart man.

It takes all of 40 seconds before you hear Denny yelling, “WHAT THE FUCK, Y/N?!”

“Call Lloyd and bring him back. I don’t care what the fuck he’s doing, I don’t care how important it is, get him back here, now!”

“You know I can’t...why are you covered in blood?!”

“GET HIM BACK HERE, DENNY! This isn’t a fucking request!”

“Y/N, you know I can’t just-”

“Travis has been shot, Denny. He’s been shot and he might not make it.”

“....what?”

“Someone is mad at Lloyd and they went after us for revenge...none of that matters right now! Your fucking godson is in surgery and his Father needs to fucking be here! I don’t care how important this mission is, you get him back here, and you get him back here now!”

“Okay okay, I’m on it. Just please-”

“I don’t see you on the FUCKING PHONE, DENNY!”

“Jesus, I’m on it! Just...lets get you back to the hospital, okay? Trav needs you both, so lets get you back.”

“Denny...I can’t handle this...I can’t do this without him,” you sob, finally breaking down as you collapse onto Denny and sob into his shoulder.

“We’ve been through this with Lloyd. It’s going to be okay. He’s a Hansen, isn’t he? If I believe he’s gonna pull through, then you have to, too.” “I need him home, Denny. I can’t handle this without him.”

“I’ll get him back here, lets just get you to the hospital, okay?”

All you do is nod and Denny leads you both out as he makes his way to his car.

Denny knows that you’ve never forgiven for him for when Lloyd almost died, but you also know Denny loves Travis. He loves both you and Travis more than he cares to admit, because (like Lloyd) he hates showing any other emotion besides hard ass.

However, besides the fact that Denny actually cares about you, he also knows how much you and Lloyd are still obsessed and in love with one another. So, instead of leaving your side when you two arrive at the hospital, he sits next to you and lets you rest your head on his shoulder. You hear his soft sobs, and you want to be there for him, but you just can’t in the moment. So much has happened and your brain (as well as your heart) can’t figure out how to make heads or tails of all of this.

Hours go by and you’re almost asleep when you hear Lloyd yell, “WHERE THE HELL IS HE?! WHERE’S MY SON?!”

Sleep is probably something you’ll never experience again in this lifetime.

“Mr. Hansen-”

“WHERE THE FUCK IS MY SON?!”

“Lloyd-” you call sleepily as you make your way out into the hallway.

“YOU!” he shouts before shoving you against the wall with his hands around your neck.

“LLOYD!” his Mother shouts.

“Tried...tried to get you back...earlier,” you cough as you waive everyone else off. “Didn’t...answer...”

You know he’s not actually going to hurt you, but he’s also never been good at processing bad information, and this is earth shattering news.

“Let her go, Lloyd!” Denny demands.

“You were supposed to be watching him!” Lloyd yells, ignoring everyone else. “Where were you?! Getting your cunt fucked by some other-”

He’s cut off by you slapping him hard across the face, and his grip instantly loosens.

“Where were YOU?! I was at home, with our son on the weekend that you were supposed to have him! The fucking weekend you requested in the first fucking place! Look at me, Lloyd! Where the fuck does it look like I was?! I was there, in the house, when two people came in and shot Mary, thinking she was me, and then-”

“They thought...”

Lloyd’s eyes go from anger to full blown rage, and he instantly lets go of you.

“We have the same hair color and my credit card was on the kitchen counter-”

“Can someone explain to me what the fuck is going on?!” your Mom yells.

You give Denny a look and he’s quickly ushering everyone back into the waiting room.

“Where is he?” Lloyd asks softly after a few moments, trying to think as well as control his rage.

“He’s still in surgery.”

“Are you-”

“I’m fine, Lloyd. Physically at least.”

“You’re moving in with me for the time being.”

“Lloyd-”

“It’s just fucking safer that way. This isn’t a discussion or a debate, you’re packing what you need, selling that house, and moving in until you find a new one.”

As much you want to disagree with him, you know he’s right.

“I’ll pack some things-”

“Pack everything you need. I’ll get fucking movers if needed. I don’t want you back in that house at all.”

“Lloyd-”

“I can’t deal with them trying to take you away from me twice. I’ve already got Travis to be worried about...I can’t be worried about you too, Y/N. You may not believe it, but you are my whole world, you always have been. I’m not strong enough to deal with it.”

You make your way over to him and wrap your arms around his waist, and he gives you the tightest hug hes ever given you.

“I can’t lose you,” he whispers softly into you hair, and you force yourself to hold back tears.

“I can’t go to that house alone, Lloyd. Not because I’m scared, but because...”

“I know, baby. How long has he been in surgery?”

“6 hours,” you sigh.

“Lets go now, drop your stuff off at my place, and we’ll come back, okay?”

You just nod as you let go of him and take his hand. Neither of you bother telling your families your plan, because you need a break and Lloyd will just start yelling. You grab your purse and he sends Denny a text telling him you two will be back shortly.

The car ride is somber and quiet, Lloyd holds your hand the entire time, and you keep checking your phone to see if they’re any updates. Tina has sent you a handful of texts, but you don’t have the strength or energy to respond. You haven’t slept for hours, you’re now covered in dried blood, and you’re body is dehydrated from all the tears you’ve cried.

By the time Lloyd pulls up to your house, you just want to take a fucking nap.

“Pack some clothes and I’ll leave post-its on the things you really want, so the movers know what to pack,” Lloyd tells you softly as you both stand in the doorway of your house.

The reality of whats happened in the last few hours hits you all over again, and you just stand there frozen.

“Hey, nothing is gonna happen. I’m here,” Lloyd promises, gently placing a hand on your lower back.

“How...um...how will you know what to...” you sniffle.

“I know you well enough to know what matters and what doesn’t. Just get clothes, okay?”

“I don’t know...the living area is where everything...I don’t know if anything’s been cleaned...it doesn’t look like it so...ya know.”

“Let me worry about everything, you just get some clothes,” he urges as his phone goes off. “It’s Denny.” “Is it an update?!”

“If it were, one of our parents would have called. I’ll take it and take care of everything else, you just grab clothes.” “Okay,” you sob softly.

You make your way past the kitchen and living area as quickly as you can, and practically run up the steps. You grab two suitcases, and just pulling things out of your drawers, not even paying attention to what you’re grabbing. You pull out drawers from your makeup dresser and just dump all their contents in, and you’re about to do the same thing with the drawers from your nightstand when you hear a loud thud.

“FUCK!” Lloyd yells and you’re instantly running down the steps.

“What’s wrong?! Are you okay?!”

“I’m fine, I’m fine. I’m sorry, Hummingbird.”

“Is Travis-”

“There’s no update.”

“What’s wrong-”

“You don’t need to hear it right now.”

“Lloyd, don’t push me out. Not right now. What did Denny say?”

“A message was left for me. They’ve got eyes on Travis and they’re coming for you next-stop, I’m home now,” he tries to calm you as he rushes over to you and wraps his arms around you.

“Travis-”

“I won’t let those fuckers get their hands on you or Travis. I promise.”

“Lloyd-”

“Did I promise to always to take care of you?”

“Yes, but-”

“But nothing. Those pieces of shit only went after you because they knew I wasn’t around. It’s not gonna happen again. It’s never going to happen again.”

“Lloyd...what about you?”

“If I have to die to protect you then-”

“I can’t lose you,” you confess softly.

“Then I’m not going anywhere,” he promises you sincerely. “Finish packing and I’ll get started on marking things up.”

“Lloyd-”

“Do what I said,” he demands gently.

You take a few moments to get yourself together before returning back up the steps. You’re quick to gather up a few things before closing up your two suitcases and slowly making your way into your son’s room. You mean to grab some of his toys and a few shirts you know that he loves, but end up just sitting on his bed and looking around.

How did everything get so out of control? Aren’t there supposed to be some sort of rules? Isn’t there a line you don’t cross? Yeah, they’re all ruthless killers, and killing you would’ve been one thing, but going after your son? You know Lloyd goes to extremes, you’re not a fool, so maybe this is penance. However, for as terrible as Lloyd is, he’d never go out of his way to kill a child. The ones that hes killed were assignments, and while that’s not something to be celebrated, it speaks volumes. Lloyd did work and this was retaliation. Travis had nothing to deserve this besides be a Hansen.

The best one.

“Hummingbird?” Lloyd calls softly, pulling you out of your thoughts.

“He has...favorite shirts and toys...I want him to have them, ya know? God, he loves this house so fucking much. Between the pool and the swing set, I think he wants me to leave it to him when I die,” you laugh with a sob.

“He’s going to be-”

“Don’t. Don’t give me false hope, Lloyd. I can’t...after everything, I can’t deal with it right now-”

“What did you tell me while you were pregnant?”

You instantly remember what he’s referring to and chuckle softly as you wipe your eyes, “Hansen men are the worst, so they’ll survive anything out of spite.”

“Our boy is a Hansen, isn’t he?”

“I wouldn’t have anyone else’s kid.”

“Then he’s gonna be just fine out of spite,” he smiles at you, but you can see the weariness in his eyes. “We’ll go to my house, you can take a shower, and we’ll head back to the hospital.” “I don’t have time to shower. What if he wakes up? He’ll-”

“He’ll need to not see his Mother not covered in his blood. Shower and we’ll head back, okay?”

“Lloyd-”

“Hummingbird, just trust me, okay?”

How could not?

You nod before heading over to Travis’ drawers and grabbing his favorite shirts and pajamas. You pull out his little duffle bag and pack it, putting in a few of his favorite toys, before giving his room one final look over.

“It’s going to be okay,” Lloyd promises you softly.

You close the door behind you, going back into your to grab your laptops and chargers for all your devices, then quickly follow Lloyd down the steps. Once you two are back in his car, you just keep your eyes on the house as he pulls out of your driveway.

You’d made a whole new life for yourself, and just like that, it was gone.

You two are half way to Lloyd’s when you realize, “We have to go back! I have to get the photo albums! His baby pictures, our wedding photos, family-” “Calm down, Hummingbird. I packed them. They were the first things I grabbed.”

“Are you sure you got all of them?” you ask frantically, turning around and checking the backseat.

“I’m sure. Just rest. You’ve been doing everything...just try and let me take care of things. I know I’m a dick, but at least I’m capable of getting things done,” he smirks.

You let out a small giggle as you get comfortable in the passenger seat and take a deep breath.

You forgot how nice it is when you and Lloyd work together instead of against each other.

When you two reach his house, he makes you go inside and take a shower while he brings all of your things into the house. It doesn’t hit you how worn out you are until you start taking off your clothes. Seeing them on the floor, the blood that’s now dried onto your body, makes you realize just how long you’ve been awake, and how much has happened. You make the water as hot as you can stand it, and let out a sigh of relief when it hits your skin like a million tears that you haven’t cried yet.

You lean against the shower wall and think over everything that’s happened over the last few hours, days, and months. It would be so easy to be enraged with Lloyd, because you begged him for years to quit his job, but you know hes just as torn as you are, if not more. You know how much he loves you and Travis, even if he isn’t always the best at showing it, and you know he’d take a bullet for either of you in an instant. Lloyd is a lot of terrible things, but he’s also an amazing Father. For as much as you want to be angry with him and scream at him, you know how much he loves and adores Travis. It’s not like he became a saint when Travis was born, but he did stop being so angry all the fucking time.

For all of the things that have gone wrong between the two of you, Travis isn’t one of them.

You laugh when you see a bottle of your favorite soap on the shower floor and shake your head. You know it’s not for any of the women he brings over, cause it’s never been touched and is close to it’s expiration date.

Lloyd Hansen: always the dreamer.

You grab a wash cloth off the rack next to the shower and let it get soaked before squeezing more than a handful of soap out of the bottle and scrubbing yourself as hard as you can; almost breaking the skin. You figure, if you can scrub hard enough, you can scrub the pain away. Yeah, it’s bullshit, but it’s still worth a shot, isn’t it?

“Hummingbird?” Lloyd calls as he softly knocks on the door.

“Hmm?”

“Are you okay?” he asks, coming into the bathroom.

“Gotta get...there’s more blood than I realized-it’s not mine,” you assure him instantly when you see the alarm in his eyes.

“When’s the last time you ate something?”

“Jesus, I don’t know. Probably...” you trail off before you fall into a fit of laughter.

“Babe?”

“I’m sorry...it’s not funny at all,” you breathe as you lean against the shower wall, “I just...we went to the grocery store. I spent over $200 on groceries that are just gonna go bad,” you laugh. “I spent over $200, saw my son’s attacker at the fucking butcher counter, and it’s all gonna spoil. Mary got killed because I had a fucking meeting and left my card on the counter, so she could order a fucking pizza because I didn’t have time to make his favorite meal and it was a sort of peace offering! Even though I had just spent a shit ton of money on groceries! You gotta see the humor in that, can’t you? It’s kinda funny?” you laugh as your tears start to fall.

“Hummingbird-”

“This is all my fault! This happened on my watch and-”

“Don’t you dare. This isn’t your fault-”

“You were all too sure of it in the hospital!”

“That was...you know me and my temper. This-”

“Lloyd...he’s fighting for his life and it’s my fault,” you cry as you slide down the wall.

“My sweet little Hummingbird,” he sighs, getting into the shower and getting on the floor with you, wrapping his arms around you and holding you close.

“You’re gonna ruin your clothes!”

“Fuck my clothes,” he chuckles and you laugh into his chest as you wrap your arms around him tight.

Its moments like this when you remember just why you fell in love with Lloyd. He can be so fucking sweet and caring, and he reserves that small part of himself for you. No, it’s not some Disney fantasy, but it’s enough for you. Truth be told, if Lloyd would have told you that he’d quit his job, you wouldn’t have asked for the divorce. You would’ve looked past the cheating and found a way to fix everything that was wrong. The divorce didn’t happen because of lack of love, it happened because worrying about him and Travis all the fucking time was taking a toll on you emotionally and mentally.

Keeping a pistol at your bedside, in the glove compartment, sleeping in your car outside of Travis’ friend’s houses when he would go to sleepovers, keeping another pistol in your home office...it just became too much, and it’s not like Lloyd didn’t see it, he just refused to acknowledge it. You just weren’t built like him, and you didn’t want to be. However, in his defense, it’s not like he ever hid anything from you. In his own Lloyd Hansen way, he really did try. Lloyd has never hidden just how much he loves you, and he always took all precautions to keep you safe. When Travis came along, he tried even harder to keep you both safe.

It’s not lost on either of you that the love you feel for one another has always been complicated.

“We have to get back to the hospital,” you mumble as you wipe your eyes.

“Y/N, I mean it. None of this is your fault. The way you love and lookout for him...the both of us really, this isn’t on you. I’ll kill those fuckers and I’ll keep you both safe.”

“Lloyd, what happened?” you ask, looking up at him.

“Another time, okay?”

“Don’t keep-”

“I’m not saying that I’m not going to tell you, I’m saying that enough has happened and I’ll tell you after you’ve had some rest. Plus, you know your parents are gonna have a million questions.”

“I can’t fucking deal with them right now,” you sigh as you lay your head on his chest again.

“We’ll get through this, Hummingbird. So will Travis.”

“I love you, Lloyd.”

“I love you too,” he responds softly before pressing a soft kiss into your hair.

You two stay on the floor a little longer before decide it’s time to get up. You make sure all the blood and soap is off of your body, before getting out. Lloyd hands you a towel before getting out his clothes and wrapping a towel around his waist.

Even with clothes on, the man makes you weak in the knees, but it’s been so damn long since you’ve seen him naked. You can’t stop yourself from staring.

“I set you up in the spare room next to mine,” he smirks as steps into his shower shoes.

You can’t even blame him for being arrogant this time. Tattooed gorgeous fuck.

“Why-”

“Travis’ room is right across from mine, and I know you’ll feel better. It’ll make me feel better having you both so close.”

“Travis isn’t home.”

“He will be. I want all of his care happening here.”

“How are you so calm with him being at the hospital now?”

“Denny’s still there and he’s not gonna let a thing happen to him.”

“He has-”

“His Godson and you are his top priority right now. Get dressed and we’ll leave,” he tells you softly, walking over and kissing your forehead softly before leaving the bathroom.

You look yourself over in the mirror and let out a heavy sigh.

You’re gonna need a vacation and multiple spa days when all of this is over.

When you get into the spare bedroom, you smile at the three photo albums that are on your bed. He really is thorough. You throw your towel off to the side and rifle through your suitcase for something to wear but, for as silly as it is, nothing feels right. You stand there in your underwear and literally throw all of your clothes around, trying to find something, but nothing works.

“You ready?” Lloyd asks as he walks into the bedroom.

“I don’t know what to wear. How silly is that? Our son is still in surgery, and I’m trying to figure out what the hell to wear.”

“Anything will be fine, Hummingbird.”

“Then you pick, because I don’t know,” you sigh as you step aside. “I don’t know anything right now.”

“He’s going to be okay, Humming-”

“What if he can’t walk? What if...Lloyd-”

“I can go back by myself if-”

“No,” you sniffle as you dry your eyes, “I can do this. I need to be there for him. I need to be there for the both of you-”

“I’m fine-”

“You’ve never been good at lying to me, so I don’t recommend starting now,” you smile softly.

Lloyd says nothing as closes the small space between you two and kisses you passionately and walks you both back towards the bed. You don’t even fight him because you need it. You need him. Soon you feel the edge of the bed against the back of legs and you know you two need to stop.

For multiple reasons.

“Lloyd....we don’t have time...we need to get back,” you moan as he guides you back onto the bed before continuing to kiss down your body.

“It won’t take me long to make you relax,” he coos softly as he pulls your panties down. “We both need this, please,” he begs softly.

Before you have a chance to make an argument, you feel his tongue on your clit, and you lose all resolve almost instantly.

“Fuck,” you sigh, gripping his hair as you grind your pussy against his face.

Four years is a long fucking time to be without your soulmate intimately, and you can tell that Lloyd feels the same by how desperate he is to bring you off. When he easily slides two fingers into your weeping cunt, you start massaging one of your own breasts as you arch your back a little.

“So close you,” you whimper as he starts pulling on your clit with his lips, you know you’re not gonna last much longer. “Baby...baby, please!” you beg as you prop yourself up on your shoulders and meet his loving gaze.

Lloyd slides a third finger in and curls all three, and you know you’re done for.

“Oh my...fuck, LLOYD!” you scream out as you squirt all over his fingers, knowing his face will be glistening your juices.

He fucks you through your high with his fingers while he kisses his way up your body. When his lips on yours again, the taste of you ever present on his lips, you can feel just how desperate his for you on your inner thigh.

“We don’t have time for that, Hummingbird,” he husks as you start to undo his pants. “Gotta....fuck,” he groans as you start to stroke him.

“Just wanna return the favor,” you moan. “We don’t have to do that, I just...you gave me an orgasm-”

“The way I’ve been getting off to the thought of you...we don’t have time,” he moans as he forces himself to stop you.

Of course, him getting forceful with you only makes you long for him more.

“Another time, Hummingbird. We have to...Jesus!” he exclaims as you grind your hips against his. “If you still...fuck, if you still want this when we get back, I’ll be more than happy to destroy this perfect little body.”

“I love you, baby.”

“I love you too, Hummingbird. More than I’ll ever be able to put into words,” he promises as he slowly pulls out his three fingers and you whimper in protest. “Wear the ‘Alice in Chains’ shirt with your black jeans,” he sighs as he gets up. “He can’t see you right now, but I can.”

As he walks out of the room, you lay there for a second, coming terms with another thing that was never supposed to happen, before getting up and getting dressed.

By the time you two get back to the hospital, both of your families are beside themselves, and Denny looks worn out. Also, Tina is here, and she looks just as concerned as she is anxious.

What now?

“Has there been any change?” you ask Denny as Lloyd makes his way to the nurses’ desk.

“One of the bullets hit his arteries,” Denny starts, “they were able to fix it, but the hit he took to his stomach...it was harder to get out than they expected-”

“How bad is it, Denny? And don’t bullshit me.”

“That’s why the last part has taken so long. That wound might be the one that kills him-hey!” Denny shouts, catching you as you collapse. “I said might, you don’t get to quit on him! If I have hope, you have to have it too!”

“Denny-”

“He’s still fighting, Y/N. No one has declared him dead, so he’s still here-”

“Denny-”

“He’s still here, Y/N,” he quickly interrupts. “You have to hold on to that for now.”

You rationalize everything he says with a nod before accepting his help with getting up, then making your way to the waiting area and sitting down in one of the waiting room chairs. Soon enough, you’re joined by Lloyd and you take his hand in yours before laying your head on his shoulder.

“You need to eat something, Hummingbird,” he coos softly.

“You eat something.” “I already did,” he chuckles and you playfully hit his arm. “C’mon, lets go to the cafeteria. It doesn’t have to be anything big, but just eat something. I already know you’re going straight for the wine when we get back. Eat something, please?”

“Since when do you ask nicely?”

“Since I know when to tread lightly,” he scoffs before kissing the top of your head and you laugh softly.

“I want him to be okay.”

“I know baby, but you have to be okay too. If anything changes, you know they’ll all get in contact with us immediately.”

“Fine...shit! Mary’s family and my job-”

“It’s all been taken care of. You’ll talk to Mary’s family when you’re ready, and her funeral has been covered. Just focus on Travis for now,” he tells you gently.

“Something small?”

“Something small.”

You both make your way out, hand in hand, and you don’t miss the way your Mother looks at you.

She’s clearly unhappy about it.

“We’re gonna grab a bite to eat, be back in a little,” he tells everyone, without even stopping.

“Babe, can we talk for a second?” Tina asks, looking from you to Lloyd.

Alright, what the fuck is going on?

“Sure, come with us to the cafeteria.”

“Just you.”

“Tina, what’s-”

“If it’s not an immediate update about Travis, you can talk to her when we get back,” Lloyd practically snaps before pulling you along with him.

If they slept together, you’re blowing up the fucking building...once Travis is safe, of course.

“Lloyd, I swear to God, if you slept with Tina-”

“I haven’t slept with Tina since Freshman year of college, and that was only because I wanted to know more about you. Well, that and we were both shitfaced.”

“Then what was that all about?”

“After you eat.”

“Lloyd-”

“After you eat,” he tells you more firmly before walking off towards the counter to place his order.

Fine.

“Why’d you get me a grilled cheese?” you ask as he sets a plate down in front of you.

“Well, they don’t have dumplings or pasta, so this was the next best thing,” he smirks and you laugh as you flip him off. “You said you saw one of the guys at the butcher counter in the grocery store-”

“I’m pretty sure I saw both of them at two different places, cause I heard them both trying to confirm that it was me when they shot Mary...something about how Andrew would kill them if they didn’t kill the right person.”

“Did one of them have a tattoo of an anchor between his thumb and forefinger?” Lloyd practically growls as stabs at his chicken salad.

You’re so happy hes finally started listening to you and just started eating more salad.

“The bank teller did. Uh, I didn’t go up to the butcher’s counter, but the guy had a short, brown, curly hair, and a tattoo under his eye that said ‘pain’.”

“Mother fucker!” he proclaims as he slams his hand down on the table.

Well, at least he seems to know who they are.

“Lloyd, calm down-”

“I’m gonna fuckin’-”

“Huckleberry,” you plead softly and he softens almost instantly.

“You haven’t called me that in forever.”

“Four years does feel like forever,” you smile weakly. “Tell me what’s going on. Is this why you don’t want me talking to Tina?”

“I don’t want you talking to Tina because I’m going to fucking kill her, and I have to refrain from doing it in front of our fucking family,” he mutters dangerously before shoveling a fork full of salad into his mouth.

“I’m sorry, come again? Tina? She did this?”

“I’m sure not purposely, because she loves you, but she has a very big part in all of this.”

“This doesn’t make any sense! She’s Travis’ godmother, she wouldn’t...how do you know?”

“It’s my job to know, Hummingbird. I told you, I always keep an eye out for you. Granted, she got the fake information I left, and her little workers went rouge, more than likely trying to prove themselves, and that’s why everything went wrong.” “Lloyd, she loves-” “She loves you and Travis. She hates me. I guarantee that’s why she wants to talk to you in private. The way she looked at you, the way she looked completely out of her fucking mind when she got here...this was never supposed to blow back on you. Which, poor fucking Tina, but I’m still gonna fucking kill her.”

“Lloyd, please just tell me-”

“You’re not eating.” “I’m sorry, I’m still trying to comprehend the fact that you just told me that you’re going to murder my best friend!” you whisper harshly.

“People die-”

“Fucking don’t, Lloyd. Not while our son is fighting for his life. Do not sit here and tell me how people die all the time, like we live in the same fucking reality!” you snap and he sighs.

After all this time, it’s completely insane to you how he always forgets. He would come home to feel normal. After being surrounded by killers all fucking day...it has been a while though. A while since you two have had a real and honest talk...you’re both the same, but have changed in so many different ways.

“You need to eat-”

“Do you have to kill her? We don’t even know-” “You don’t know what happened, I do. I can’t let her live, not after this.”

“Lloyd-”

“You’ll see after she talks to you. Eat.”

“Lloyd-”

“Hummingbird, please eat. I know it’s been over 24 hours since you’ve last eaten anything, so please eat.”

“How do you know so much about all the damn time?” you scowl before begrudgingly take a bite out of your sandwich.

“Just because we got a divorce, doesn’t mean I stop keeping tabs on you.”

“Lloyd-”

“I didn’t file for the divorce, you did.”

“I didn’t cheat, you did.”

“Lets not fucking do this here.”

“You’re the one keeping fucking tabs-”

“I’m not doing it to be your fucking hall monitor. I’ve have you watched so I can keep an eye out on your and keep you safe. Just because I fucked up doesn’t meant I don’t love you. You know why I did what I did-there’s an update!” he tells you as his phone goes off.

“How do you-”

“It’s my Mother, we should go-”

“Lloyd...” “He’s fine, Hummingbird. I promise,” he reassures you softly.

You both make your way back to the top floor, hand-in-hand, and you take not of how much tighter his grip gets once you get closer to where everyone is congregated.

God, how you wish you two would’ve been able to work all shit out, so you’d be able to go through this together. Not as Lloyd Hansen and his ex-wife.

“He made it through the surgery,” the doctor smiles as you both approach him. “It was touch and go for a while, but he’s strong-”

“He’s a Hansen,” Lloyd smiles proudly and you roll your eyes.

“That he is,” the doctor laughs, “he’s still not out of the woods. He hasn’t woken up and we don’t know when he will, and he’s going to need a lot of therapy, but he can go home-”

“Today,” Lloyd quickly interjects, looking towards Denny who just nods.

Whatever expenses you thought you were gonna have to worry about, they’re gone.

Your tax dollars hard at work.

“Mr. Hansen-”

“He comes home today. Whatever medical supplies he needs, he’ll have them, and whatever care is needed will be provided around the clock. My assistant is on his way and he’ll go over everything with you. Travis is not staying here.”

“Lloyd-” “He’s not staying here for another minute,” he snaps towards his Mother.

And that was that.

Soon enough, information is being taken down, plans are being made, Lloyd is all but shouting demands, he’s choosing caregivers only he trusts, and Denny is giving him the next six months off.

“What just happened?” you ask as you get in the passenger seat of Lloyd’s car.

“You don’t need to worry about it.”

“Lloyd-”

“You’ve done enough, Hummingbird. Let me take care of the rest.”

“He’s our son. I should know-”

“All you need to know is that you’re safe. Travis is safe, you’re safe, and I’m never letting anything happen to either of you ever again.”

“What about Tina?”

“She’s going to come over tomorrow night to talk to you. She’s gonna tell you everything and then I’m gonna stick a fucking bullet into her brain.”

“Lloyd-”

“She doesn’t get to get away with this. I know you love her and all that shit, but they’re some things that are unforgivable. This is one of those things.”

“You haven’t even heard her side-”

“I know her side, I don’t need to hear it. My son was almost killed, you were almost killed...I don’t give a fuck about how bad she feels. She’s lucky that I didn’t kill her on the spot.”

“Huckleberry, please just tell me what happened.”

“Don’t fucking call me that just because you know it makes me soft.”

“Then fucking calm down and talk to me-”

“You don’t need to worry about anything from here on out-”

“Lloyd...you still don’t get it,” you chuckle softly as he pulls into his driveway. “You aren’t not out of harms way, so I’m going to worry! This isn’t over because Travis isn’t in fucking surgery anymore! You think I married you because it seemed like a fun idea? You think I was fucking bored? You think I didn’t have other guys gunning for my affection?! I fucking love you, Lloyd! I don’t know if you’ll be okay and...lets just not get into this now. Too much has happened, Travis is getting set up in the house, we both need sleep...Huckleberry, if you don’t get it by now, you’re just never gonna get it, and I’m really sorry about that,” you shrug before getting out of his car, and slamming the door shut.

Fuck him.

If he still doesn’t get it after all this time, then fuck him. How dare he?! He should know you well enough to know that you wouldn’t be this stressed out and frustrated over someone you don’t you don’t give a shit about. The divorce never fucking mattered. Lloyd has been the center of your universe since you fell in love with him. Hell, since you fell in like with him. Then you two went and had Travis, and it just added on. Yes, you know Lloyd has his flaws and isn’t perfect, but he’s your perfect mess. You tried to not fall in love with him, but it clearly didn’t work.

Every mission he goes on scares you, because you’re not sure how he’ll come back, if he comes back at all. Every time you see him, you commit it to memory, because you might not ever see him again. You re-read his affectionate texts because your heart still yearns for him all these years later. So, if he doesn’t understand that you divorced him because you love and care for him too much, and you always will, then he can go fuck himself.

He’s slow to follow behind you, and you feel his intense gaze on you, and you know he’s going through everything in his head. As the doctors go through everything with you, and the caregivers set everything up, you wonder if he’s even listening.

You’re probably gonna have to write all this shit down for him later.

“Is there anything you need or want us to do before we leave?” one of the doctors asks as she packs up her things.

“We’re fine,” Lloyd nods as he stands off to the side.

“I know you’ll have round the clock service, but here’s my number just in case of any emergency,” she smirks at Lloyd, handing him her card before she walks out of Travis’s bedroom.

She’s a bold one, ya gotta give her that.

“I’ll sit with him so you can rest-”

“Denny’s made sure the house is heavily secured. Lets both go lay down.”

“What if he-”

“They’ll wake us up,” Lloyd reassures you, kissing your temple softly as you wrap your arms around his waist.

He’s a piece of shit, but he’s your piece shit. Divorced or not.

You lean into him for just a moment, before forcing yourself away. You slowly and quietly make your way to the room set up for you, as Lloyd goes into his bedroom and leaves the door cracked; and you tell yourself it’ll all be okay. All of you will be just fine.

You toss and turn for about an hour before you force yourself out of bed, and make your way to Lloyd’s bedroom and knock on it softly.

“You know you can always come in, Hummingbird,” he replies nonchalantly.

“I can’t sleep...”

“Get in,” he encourages, turning the covers on his bed down, keeping his attention still on his phone.

It’s not like you need much convincing.

“What’s happening?” you ask as you settle into his bed.

“Denny is still in the middle of a panic attack, so there have been 30 other guards assigned to protect this house-”

“That’s not what I mean, Huckleberry. How are you?” you ask softly as you lay your head on his chest.

“Just rest right now.”

“Lloyd-”

“You have enough on your mind and on your plate. We’ll talk about me after you rest,” he promises as he presses a soft kiss into your hair.

“Don’t...Lloyd, don’t fucking go and put yourself more at risk than you already are. Do you understand?”

“Humming-”

“I fucking mean it. I can’t do this without you...I can’t...I can’t live in a world without you. I’m already dealing with Travis....don’t you fucking...” you trail off as you start to sob.

“Changes are going to be made, Hummingbird. I swear to you, I’ll never put you through anything like this again. Concerning Travis or myself.”

“I love you, Huckleberry.”

“I love you, Hummingbird. Just sleep,” he urges, stroking the side of your arm as he kisses the top of your head. “Sleep.”

For the first time in a long time, despite all hell that happened that day, you’re able to fall asleep almost instantly. Feeling safer and more loved than you have in years.

**

When you wake up, Lloyd is gone but you can hear him yelling about something downstairs. You sit up to an open door and you see that the door to Travis’ room is open. You grab your phone before getting out of bed and slowly make your way to his room.

“Has he woken up at all?” you ask the doctor softly.

“Not yet.” “Is he...will he wake up? Lloyd interrupted the other doctor he could really say much...”

“We’re monitoring him closely. Yes, the surgery went better than we all expected, but his body is still weak. He took on a lot, so we need to-”

“No, I get it...I understand,” you sniffle as you take a seat in the chair by Travis’ bedside. “Can we have a minute?” “Of course,” the doctor nods with a soft smile before leaving.

“Hey sweetheart,” you sob with a weak smile, taking Travis’ hand and squeezing it softly. “It’s Mom, I finally have time,” you laugh humorlessly. “You always want to hear stories from when your Dad and I were together, so here’s a fun one,” you chuckle as you start searching through your music library, smiling once you finally find ‘Sea of Love’ by Cat Power and playing it.

“I can not begin to explain how much your Dad hates this song, but it’s one of my favorites. We got married in Hawaii and I annoyed the hell out of him until he agreed to let this be our first song. From that day on, I always played it on our anniversary, and we would dance in the living room. No matter how busy either of us were, we stop to dance to this song. Then, I got pregnant with you,” you sob with a smile as you wipe your eyes. “If you were ever wondering where you got your impeccable taste in music from, it’s me because I made you a playlist and played it ever single day that I was pregnant. Jesus, your delivery was a shit show. Your Dad was yelling at doctors, I was pelting the staff with ice chips because of course, that would make you come out faster, and your Godfather was running around like a chicken with his head cut off because it was the first time that he had ever truly given a damn about anything....both sets of grandparents were crying messes...it was a circus. However, 9 hours later, at 8 pounds and 13 ounces, you were brought into this world. You didn’t scream and you didn’t cry, you just looked at me and smiled, and we were instantly best friends. The moment your Dad laid eyes on you, he was in love with you. Everything else that was wrong didn’t matter. Holding you for the first time...I knew my life was complete. I had you, your Dad....nothing else mattered. It was everything. Soon enough, I fell asleep, but your Dad was too wired. He refused to put you down until the nurses took you from him. When I woke up, he was holding you and walking around with you while this song played,” you sob even harder as you dry your eyes. “I’m so sorry, baby. I should’ve been there. If I could’ve taken those bullets for you, I would have. I’m so fucking sorry, but please...I need you to hang on. You haven’t even begun to truly annoy me, you don’t know how to drive a car, you haven’t gone to or avoided your prom...you have a whole life to live and I’m excited to watch you live it. You are the sweetest soul and the world needs you, so please...please, just hang on for us. Your Dad and I need you so much...please,” you start crying uncontrollably and you feel an arm wrap around you.

“He’s going to be okay,” Lloyd promises softly.

“Lloyd...,” you sob as you lean into his waist. “How did...he’s a good boy! He didn’t do anything to deserve this!”

“I know, baby,” he responds, his voice cracking as he rubs your back. “It’s all going to be okay. I swear to you, everything will be fine.”

“I gotta get out of this room,” you sniffle before pausing the song, getting up, and walking out.

You go into the spare bedroom that was set up for you and rifle through your purse, until you find your pack of cigarettes. You then quickly to make your way downstairs and into the kitchen, ignoring the mercenaries that now occupy the massive living area, and grab a wine glass. You fill it to the brim before grabbing a cigarette, lighting it, then taking a seat at the dinner table.

Yeah, Lloyd hates you smoking in the house, but you think you’ve earned a pass for the next few days.

“I thought you quit,” Lloyd sighs, coming into the kitchen and pouring himself a glass of scotch.

“Well, our son is upstairs fighting for his life, so I figured I’d really commit for a while,” you mutter before taking a drag from it.

“Just say it,” he says as he takes a seat across from you.

“Say what?”

“This is my fault.”

“I’m not gonna throw you a fucking pity party, Lloyd,” you chuckle humorlessly, “not right now.”

“If this wasn’t my job-”

“If this wasn’t your job, if I hadn’t been working, if I hadn’t left my credit card out, if I hadn’t had my blinds closed, they’re a lot of fucking ‘if’s so don’t sit here and try to get me to blame you. I may be a cunt, but I’m not that fucking petty.”

“I blamed you.” “That’s because you’re a fucking asshole.” “Y/N-” “Lloyd, I don’t wanna fucking do this with you. I haven’t felt this terrible since you were in that fucking coma-”

“That’s why you never came by?”

“God, you are such a dick,” you scoff. “I was in that fucking hospital all day, every day, until you got out of that coma. When they tried to tell me I had to leave, I punched a male nurse in the face. Don’t fucking sit here and try to tell me how much I do or don’t love you, because you have no fucking idea. You can’t even begin to fathom how much you truly mean to me. How much you’ve always meant to me.”

“Then why not take me back? Why not make this work?”

You knew it was coming.

“Lloyd-” “Answer the question, Y/N. You’ve been dodging it for four years-”

“I haven’t dodged shit!”

“You haven’t fucking answered it!” “You really wanna fucking do this today?!”

“You’re already here!”

“Fine. You wanna know why we can’t just “work this out”? Because fuck you! It’s not even the fucking job! It’s you! Nothing is ever enough for you! There can never be a conversation, you just have to be right all the time! You just have to know every single fucking thing! No one else can ever be right! I love you! I love you to the point that I made myself miserable for the last two years of our marriage so that you could be happy! I had two fucking miscarriages, Lloyd! TWO! You wanna sit here and fucking tell me that I’m so selfish? That I’m a cunt?! You have no room to fucking talk! I have given you everything I have in me, and it wasn’t enough for you! I wasn’t enough for you! You are Travis’ hero, and it’s not enough for you! You have a higher kill count than anyone in the fucking agency, and it is STILL NOT ENOUGH! You’re hurt?! You’re wounded?! You and Travis are my entire universe and you still don’t fucking get it! You think that I don’t know you’re a fucking lunatic?! You think I don’t know that you have a couple of screws loose?! I LOVE YOU ANYWAY, YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE! I love you and you keep missing the point! I was never expecting roses and warm hugs everyday from you, but I expected you to at least meet half way sometimes! But you never fucking did,” you sob. “Then you, being the piece of shit you are, went and fucking cheated, and you know what? I’ll take responsibility for that. I pushed you away and took away the one thing you really needed: affection. Fine, I’m a bitch and it’s all my fault. However, you couldn’t just let it be a clean split, could you? No, because Lloyd Hansen can never just accept the things he doesn’t like, can he? You just have to be a dick about it. The texts, the fucking phone calls, the blatant lack of respect for me at all! Yet, I’m always defending you to Travis. Making excuses as to why you miss his birthday parties, why you aren’t able to go to his soccer games, why you can’t go on the family camping trips, just to make sure you’re still a god in his eyes! Now, after all the shit that’s happened, you’re gonna fucking sit here and tell me that I wasn’t at the hospital while you were in that fucking coma?! You’re gonna fucking try and tell me about shit you don’t even know about?! You know they were going to let you fucking die?! They were just gonna stop working on you and I threatened each and every one of those fuckers, because a world without you in it, is a world I don’t wanna fucking live in for whatever reason! You wanna know why can’t we work things out?! Because of you! The issue has always been you! So don’t fucking sit here, being all self righteous, like I haven’t done my absolute best to make you happy since this shit show started!” you yell, ashing your cigarette on his table, because fuck him.

Lloyd says nothing, but he looks at you as if he wants to throw you across the room. Whether it’s because you ashed your cigarette on the table or because of what you said, you’re not really sure. Instead, he gets up and storms out, knocking a chair over on his way out.

Great.

You don’t know why you took the bait. You knew he was picking a fight because he feels like shit, and he needed you to yell at him. He knows how to push all the right buttons at the worse time, so when you didn’t yell at him for Travis, of course the failed marriage was the next best bet. You know he blames and hates himself for everything, but Lloyd doesn’t know how to vocalize feeling like shit or failure. That’s why you feel so fucking special when he apologizes for anything, because he never apologizes to anyone for anything.

Maybe Travis if he feels especially bad about something.

However, you took it too far this time.

It’s not like anything you said was wrong, but you didn’t have to be so fucking harsh. God, he didn’t even know about the fucking miscarriages. Yes, Lloyd Hansen is a complete and total asshole, but he’s also the love of your life. There’s a way to go about everything, and you screaming at him wasn’t the way to go about that. Yeah, he needs to feel like an asshole because it fuels his...whatever the fuck is wrong with him, but all of that at once...that wasn’t the way to do it.

You’re slow to finish off your wine before slowly making your way upstairs to his bedroom, and the scene in front of you shocks the hell out of you.

He’s sitting on the bed and crying.

To this day, you’re convinced that Lloyd Hansen has never cried, not even as a baby. Out of pure stubbornness. Sure, his voice has cracked a total of two times since you’ve known him, but hes never actually cried. As far as he’s concerned, crying is a sign of weakness. Sure, you can cry because you’re a woman, but Lloyd? He’d never dream of it. He’d get shot in the dick before he’d cry, let alone let someone else actually see it happening.

“I’m sorry, Huckleberry,” you sigh, closing the door behind you as enter the room. “I took it too far-”

“It’s what I fucking deserve.”

“Stop it. Don’t do this to yourself, not right now.”

“I was a horrible husband and I’m a horrible Father-” “No you aren’t,” you tell him softly as you stand in front of him.

“Don’t, Y/N. Don’t fucking stand there and tell me-” “Travis couldn’t have a better Father, honey. All you’re doing for him, all you’re going to do for him, it’s more than any other parent would do. Us? It’s not like all parts of our relationship were awful.” “I didn’t make it easy,” he sniffs as he wipe his nose with the back of his hand.

“I was able to give you a run for your money from time to time,” you chuckle and he scoffs as he wraps his arms around your waist. “I never stopped loving you, Lloyd-”

“Why? There’s no use cause we both know I’m not worth loving,” he questions as he looks up at you. “Because,” you smile down at him as you caress the side of his face, “you’re my Huckleberry.”

Two fools. You two have always been a pair of fucking fools.

“Lloyd,” you moan as he kisses your hip and unbuttons your jeans.

“Don’t tell me ‘no’, Hummingbird. Please, not when I need you so much,” he begs as he pulls your jeans and panties down.

“We shouldn’t...fuck! Baby!” you whimper as he starts to massage your clit with his tongue. “God, you’re so fucking good at that!”

“Always taste so fucking good,” he mutters as he easily slides two fingers into your dripping pussy.

“Oh God...fuck!”

“I’m gonna destroy this perfect little cunt, Hummingbird,” he promises as he fucks you faster with his fingers.

“Please,” is all you can get out as you grip his hair.

He resumes his assault on your clit with his tongue, before pulling on it with his lips and sucking on it. You grip his shoulder tight as you try and hang on and ignore all of the voices in your head telling you this is a terrible idea.

You know it’s a terrible idea, for a million reasons, but right now you just need him. You’ve been without his touch for so long and now, you just need his love. You need him to make you feel okay, because everything is happening so fast at once.

“I’m so fucking...ah, ah, AH SHIT!” you cry out as you coat the lower half of his face and fingers with your release.

“I’ve missed you, Hummingbird, and God, you still get so fucking wet for me,” he husks as he removes his fingers and sucks your essence off of them. The groan that leaves his mouth somehow makes you even more feral. “Take that fucking shirt off, let me see you,” demands softly as he takes off his own shirt.

Who the hell are you to disobey?

Instantly, you’re taking off your shirt and bra, and you can’t help but feel a little prideful at the way he marvels at you. After all this time, he still looks at you as if he’s never seen anymore more beautiful in his life.

“Gonna make you feel so good, Hummingbird,” he promises as he grips you tight and whips you onto the bed.

“I need you. I always fucking need you,” you whimper as you undo his belt buckle, getting fed up when you can’t stop fumbling with the damn thing, so you just force them down.

“Do you still love me?” he asks as thrusts himself inside of you, never breaking eye contact with you.

“Fuck!” you gasp, grabbing at nothing as relish in the pleasurable sting you’ve gone so long without. “It’s only ever been you for me! I’ll love you forever!”

“I love you, Hummingbird,” he broods as he fucks you harder and faster.

You feel like you’re on a cloud. Yes, you’ve had other relationships and hookups since Lloyd, but no one knows your body like he does. He knows all the right angles, what positions make you wild for him, and how to get you where you’re always desperate to be.

Lloyd knows you better than everyone else in every way.

“Don’t know how I’ve gone so long without you,” he groans as he pins your hands above your head, entwining his fingers with yours.

“I...I love you so much,” you whimper as you wrap your legs around him, grinding your hips against his. “On...only one for me!”

“Taking me so fucking well...fuck, this is still the best little snatch, baby! So fuckin’ wet!” he mumbles as he forces himself upright and forces himself deeper.

“OH MY GOD!” “Fuck! Squeezing me so damn tight!”

“Lloyd...I...I...holy shit!” you cry out with tears streaming down your face as you turn your head away.

“Look me, Hummingbird,” he demands gruffly, “wanna see your fucking face when you...fuck!”

“Please...need to...need to- FUCK!” you scream as you squirt hard and you pray this isn’t the first thing Travis hears if hes woken up.

“JESUS...FUCK!” Lloyd exclaims as he fills you, collapsing on top of you, releasing your hands as you wrap your arms around him.

Fuck, you’ve missed him.

“You tired?” he asks as he sits up and you both catch your breaths.

“Not even close.” “Such a good girl,” he smirks as he pulls out and flips you over, “cause we’re just getting started.”

Two fucking fools.

Once again, you know it’s a terrible idea, but you can’t and don’t want to stop. For as terrible as he is, Lloyd has always been your home. He’s always understood you, always accepted you as you are, always loved you, and has never made you feel less than. In his world, no one is worth saving or loving. No one except you. Besides the fact that he can easily give you orgasm after orgasm, he’s your person. He’s your person and your best fucking friend. Nothing feels right until Lloyd’s back in your life.

He’s nothing but chaos, but he’s the only way your world makes any sense.

“Daddy...too much! Can’t-” “Yes you can,” he grunts as he fucks you hard from behind, slapping your ass, hard. “This bed has never been so fucking wet!”

“Please...need to...oh my GOD, don’t fucking stop!” you whimper as you strangle the pillows.

Well, the ones that are left.

“Still such a filthy little thing! Still a dirty little Hummingbird?” “Only for you, daddy!”

“Fuck! Go ahead, fucking make a mess!”

“JESUS!” you scream as your arms give out and you make a mess for him, just like he loves.

“Good fuckin’ girl,” he praises as he fills you, pulling out just to watch the mixture of your juices run down your leg. “Best little cream hole.”

“Lloyd,” you whine as you lay down.

“I know, you’re tired, Hummingbird,” he coos as he smooths his hand over your ass before slapping it again.

“Daddy!”

“We’re done, I promise,” he laughs as he gets off the bed, “I’ll take care of you.”

He goes into the bathroom and you get comfortable as you settle under the covers, ignoring how wet the sheets are because of you.

“You okay?” he asks, coming back with a wet towel so he can clean you up.

He came on every part of your body, so it’s honestly the least he can do.

“It’s been a while, but I can still handle you, Hansen,” you giggle as you try and keep your eyes open.

“Sleep,” he urges as he gets in bed next to you and holds you close.

“You’re not sleeping.”

“I have work to do.”

“I’ll work with you.”

“You’ll never stop being stubborn, will you?”

“Nope,” you smile as he starts laughing. “That’s why you love me, Huckleberry.”

“And I’ll never stop.”

“Thank you, Lloyd. For coming home early and...being here-” “The fact that you have to thank me for that proves just how much of terrible-”

“Stop it, Lloyd,” you hum as you lay your head on his chest. “Even if you weren’t always the best husband, you are the best Father. I love you.”

“You need to rest.”

“You need to rest.”

“I will. For now, just take a nap, at most.”

“You’re a good Father, Lloyd. You’re a good man,” you promise with a yawn.

“Sleep.”

As you rest, once again feeling safe and loved, you hope you’re providing for him the same feeling he gives you.

You hope that he feels the same peace you do.

**

Lloyd’s P.O.V

“How’d they get the Virgin Mary to leave her dorm?” I laughed as I stumbled a little, approaching you with his red Solo cup in hand.

“Leave me alone, Hansen,” you slurred as you leaned against the counter to stay upright.

“Well, the poet-”

“Lloyd, I am not like every other girl here. I’m not impressed with all the shit you can quote from dead old guys. Go...go away.”

“Let me impress you with something else then,” I smirked before I got on my knees and lifted up your dress.

“Lets see if that tongue is as impressive as all the girls say,” you shrugged before you took a sip of your drink.

The challenge was more than accepted.

Before you could bitch about me ripping your panties off my tongue fucking that perfect little honeypot between your legs.

“Oh fuck!”

And I’ve been addicted ever since.

I half expected you to stop me. Yeah, you were drunk, but that didn’t change the fact that you hated me. The fact that you actually let me eat you out in the kitchen at a frat party, blew my fucking mind. Letting me carry you up the stairs into my room?

I was sure I was dreaming.

“Oh my God!” you moaned as I fucked into relentlessly. “Never felt so fucking...never felt so fucking good! Never felt so full!” you whimpered as you clawed at my back.

“Yeah? Never been stretched this good?” I chuckled as I looked at this blissed out mess that you were.

“N-no, daddy! Oh...feels so...fuck, LLOYD!” you cried out as you came hard, messing up my sheets, and I had no choice but to follow your lead.

You and that fucking pussy of yours.

“I’m gonna go,” you panted after a moment.

Usually that would’ve been fine with me, but I waited so fucking long for you and before I could stop myself-

“Just stay. You’re too drunk and you’re already in a bed-”

“Can’t-”

“No point in leaving, Hummingbird,” I shrugged as if it was no big deal.

It’s funny to me to this day that you’ve never asked about that nickname, you just accepted it. Yeah, later on, I found out you love hummingbirds, but that had nothing to do with the nickname.

It was one of the first things that attracted me to you.

You were so fucking quiet in High School. You never said a thing unless you were around your friends or teachers called on you, and made sure to keep it that way no matter what.

You hummed a lot though.

Whether it was something you came up with, or your favorite song, you were always humming. You tried to keep it to yourself, but if anyone listened close enough, they’d hear you.

I always heard you.

It’s not like I ever fucking meant to pay attention to you, but once you had my attention...that was the end of it. There was no point in talking to you when we were in High School, because I already knew you wouldn’t give me the time of day. I figured we’d run into each other whenever either of us came home from college and I’d make my move then. So, imagine my fucking surprise when we got into the same damn college.

Maybe that’s why I worked so damn hard. College was a fresh start, but you were already wise to my bullshit and that’s fair. However, I wanted you and I wasn’t about to give up. Then, I saw you dancing with Tina in the living room and you looked so fucking happy and carefree. You looked so fucking perfect so, of course, I was determined to destroy every part of the goodness in you.

My plan was to fuck you and leave you begging and desperate, but that’s not what happened, is it? You made me beg for you and it pissed me the fuck off.

I woke up and you were gone.

Granted, you’re the only person I’ve had to chase after or even wanted to, but of course it made me want you more. You didn’t need or want a single fucking thing from me, you weren’t impressed by my football status, you didn’t care about my grades, and you sure as fuck didn’t care about the fact that every woman on campus wanted me. You truly were solely focused on your schoolwork.

So, of course, I had to fuck that up after going too long without your attention.

That was the problem though, wasn’t it?

After only one night, I needed more of it. More of you. I tried to not think about you, how you felt, the sounds that left your mouth, or the way you held onto me like your life depended on it. I tried to to not need you, but after two weeks without, I knew I was fucked. Hell, I knew it after the first damn day.

So, I talked you into a date. God, you were so fucking annoying about it.

“I’ll pick you up at 6 and we’ll head over to-” “I hope you don’t think we’re leaving this fucking campus,” you scoffed as you started to pack up your books.

“Why the fuck would you want our first date-” “I don’t care about how much fucking money you have, Lloyd. You want my attention? Earn it. Fancy restaurants and a nice car aren’t going to get you anywhere with me, Huckleberry,” you smirked at me. “See you at the cafeteria on Friday at 6,” you stated plainly before walking away.

Of course you made me work for it. It was stupid for me to think this would be simple, because if it had been, I wouldn’t have wanted you. From day one, you’ve always been a challenge and I’m nothing but a fucking sucker for a good challenge.

However, soon enough, you became more than that to me. Before I knew it, my entire life revolved around you. I needed you by my side on campus, I needed you cheering me on at football games, I needed your opinion on everything, I needed to be in your space at all times...

I was in love with you.

I never imagined falling in love, because I never believed in it. Yeah, my parents have been married for over 30 years, but it’s a sham. They’re both equally terrible to each other, so why the hell should I believe anything between them is real? So, when it came to you, I was skeptical, because why wouldn’t I be?

To this day, I still find it funny how much you didn’t wanna love me back. You tried to fight it so hard, but every date I asked you on (and I stress asked you on, because you were such a fucking brat about it), you never turned down. Soon enough, you were just as in love with me as I was with you. That makes me the asshole though, doesn’t it though?

I never told you that I had been talking to Denny about the CIA since Freshman year. Every time I tried, we were having a good day. The little trips I would surprise you with, the impromptu study sessions I couldn’t get you to take a break from, the weekend dinners with your parents...there was just never a good time.

Then, I finally told you, and it was a fucking shit show.

“Where are you going?” I sighed as you got out of my bed.

“Back to my fucking dorm, like I told you.” “Hummingbird-”

“We fucked, Lloyd. We fucked like we always do, it doesn’t change shit.”

“I don’t see what you’re so fucking mad-”

“YOU COMPLETE ASSHOLE!” you shouted at me, finally looking at me, “I fucking love you and you know that! And what does that love get me? A sociopathic asshole!

“Do you want me to pull you back into bed and-”

“We can’t fuck this problem away, Lloyd! You kept this from me and now-”

“You know that I’m more than capable-” “I LOVE YOU! YOU FORCED YOUR WAY INTO MY LIFE AND I LOVE YOU MORE THAN I HAVE LOVED ANYTHING OR ANYONE....you know what? Fuck you. You’re a fucking piece of shit and you can go fuck yourself,” you scoffed as you toed on your sandals.

It’s not like you were wrong.

“You know that I’d never-”

“Lloyd, I can’t have this argument with you and I don’t fucking feel like it. You wanna fucking join the CIA? Then go ahead.”

“Why are you-”

“You piece of shit! What if you get seriously hurt?! What if you don’t make it back to me?! You expect me to just be okay? You think I’ll just live on and love again? Fuck you!”

“Don’t be so fucking dramatic!”

“I swear, I fucking hate you!” you yelled before storming out.

That should’ve been enough, shouldn’t it? I should’ve thrown it all away and made you the center of my world, but you’re right.

It’s never enough for me.

I got you to forgive and then marry me, and it was the happiest moment of my life at the time. I should’ve told Denny I wasn’t going to join him, but that wouldn’t have been in my nature, would it? Since I knew you weren’t leaving, I ignored what you wanted. I knew I could keep you safe, so I did whatever I wanted. Of course I noticed you getting fed up with my shit, but I was always able to reel you back in, so it didn’t phase me.

I was getting my way and that’s what mattered.

Then you got pregnant.

“Jesus, I know I don’t matter to you, Lloyd, but-”

“Fuck you! You know you’re my entire world!”

“Yeah okay,” you scoffed as you poured yourself a glass of orange juice, “it’s not just about me anymore though-” “I’ve kept you safe for all these years-” “We’re having a fucking baby, Lloyd! We are bringing a child into this world! You can’t always-” “I’ll never let anything happen to you or our child!”

“Whatever,” you laughed as you opened the door to the patio. “Keep fucking thinking you’re God for as long as you want, but you’re fucking us all over in the end. Fuck you.”

Of course you ended up being right, because fuck you.

Travis was born and he was perfect. How could he not be? He’s a fucking Hansen. At first, everything was perfect and you seemed to calm down a bit. Then, my missions got more dangerous, you couldn’t go out when you wanted, Travis rarely ever left the house, and then came the great debate of him being home schooled.

“You’ve lost your fucking mind if you think our son is being fucking home schooled,” I chuckled incredulously.

“What else do you want?! If I can barely leave the house-”

“He needs to have some sense of normalcy!”

“I swear to God! I can’t go to the fucking grocery store without someone fucking watching me, but our son can happily go to Kindergarten? What fucking sense does that make to you, Lloyd?!”

“I’m fucking trying-”

“No, if you were trying, you’d quit your fucking job!”

“Don’t start that shit!”

“I’m tired of excuses! I’m tired of all this-”

“Mama!” Travis called from his bedroom, and I could tell he was having one of his night terrors.

“I’ll go-”

“He said ‘Mama’, ‘not absentee Father’,” you sighed as you put your wine glass down.

“That’s not fair!”

“Don’t,” you laughed as you walked away from me, “don’t fucking try and tell me about what’s fair and what isn’t. You made me love you just enough to accept a life that’s total and complete bullshit.”

That’s when it started to fall apart. Two fucking miscarriages? Those arguments are starting to make a lot more fucking sense.

“Lloyd, you were gone for almost a month. Travis still young! You can’t just keep-” “Can you not use our son as a weapon against me?! Besides, why stay around when you refuse to try again for another child?!”

“Fucking watch it!” he growled as you reached for a wine glass.

“All you fucking do is drink wine and smoke! You’re fucking moody or crying all the fucking time-” “Lloyd, I swear to God!” you screamed, as you opened the bottle and almost filled your glass. “Shut your fucking mouth about shit you don’t fucking know about!” “Well, if you’d just fucking talk to me-” “YOU’RE NEVER FUCKING HERE ANYMORE!” you screamed before you stormed out.

The sleeping in separate rooms, not talking to one another, arguments over the dumbest things, finding reasons to avoid one another...

I was losing you.

I couldn’t really blame you though, could I? Because it was all me. I was the one unwilling to compromise, because I need to be in control all the time. So, I pretended that I didn’t see the issues, and pretended to not understand that I was the fucking problem. Then, my pretending turned into resentment, because how could it not? You were the only person in my life to make me feel any normalcy or love, and then you just took it from me. You took it like it was nothing.

So, since you hurt me, I had no choice but to hurt you.

Yeah, I remembered what you said about cheating, but I was so sure that I could get you to stay, because I always could in the past. I never wanted you to leave, I just wanted to grab your attention again. I hated every second of it, because she wasn’t you.

She wasn’t my home.

For all my clever thinking, I knew it was over the second I walked through the door. The look on your face let me know that you were still hurting from our last argument, and you didn’t even look a little excited to see me. However, I’ve never lied to you and I wasn’t about to start then.

I was so angry with you for filing for the divorce, because I didn’t want to acknowledge that it was my fault. Nothing can ever be my fault because I’m a god, right?

So, because you refused to back down, I of course had to be a piece of shit about it. I knew the phone calls and texts were hurting you, but I told myself it was worth it because you hurt me. Because I’m a selfish fuck, and that’s a fact that’s not lost on either of us. I would see it in your eyes when you would drop Travis off, but you’ve always been too good for me and never said anything.

Then you started dating.

“So, you’re just bringing our son around anyone?” I bit once Travis ran into your house.

“I don’t wanna argue with you, Lloyd,” you sighed, clearly tired of the back and forth we constantly went through. “How was he this week?”

“You’re dating a fucking lawyer?”

“It’s only been two dates. Why are you having me followed?”

“So that I know you’re safe.”

“Lloyd, you can’t keep doing this-”

“Just come back to-”

“I’m sorry, didn’t you call me last week so I could hear you fucking two other women? Hearing you command them and telling them what positions you wanted them in?”

“You know-” “I don’t tell you how to live your fucking life, even when you go out of your way to hurt me, so don’t start telling me I can’t try to fucking move on,” you snapped as your eyes started to water.

Why can’t I ever put my fucking ego and pride aside? Why do I always have to hurt the one person who makes living worth while?

“Are you seeing him again?”

“It’s really not any of your business. Now, how was Travis?”

“He wants to know when his Mother became such a fucking whore.”

“God, you are such an asshole! See you next fucking week!” you cried before you slammed the door shut.

As always, I took it too far.

“What?” you sobbed when you answered the phone later that night.

I’m such a fucking asshole.

“I’m sor-” “Save it, Lloyd. You always go out of your way to hurt me, then fucking apologize.”

“I love you.” “Don’t. Just don’t, okay? I am trying my hardest to get all of this shit right, you’re always going on some fucking mission-”

“I miss you.”

“You can’t keep doing this to me, Lloyd,” you sobbed. “I’m not some fucking toy that you can just play with-” “Just come back to me, I’ll make changes-”

“Will you quit your job?”

“Hummingbird-”

“If you’re not quitting, we really don’t have anything else to discuss.”

“We have everything left to discuss.”

“Why is that?”

“Because I’m your Huckleberry and I love you.” “Then why don’t you treat me better?” you asked before you hung up.

It’s not like it wasn’t a fair fucking question. You give me everything and I give you bare minimum. It’s not lost on me that you’re more than I deserve, but if I could just stop trying to control everything all the fucking time...stop trying to control you, this could work. I can’t though, can I? There are just parts of me that won’t change. Not really for lack of trying, but it’s embedded into my system at this point.

I couldn’t stop myself from looking into the guys you were dating, secretly threatening them, and watching what you were up to. No, I never told you, but I knew you knew you. The scowl on your face whenever you saw me let me know that you knew. It’s not like you ever said anything to stop it though, so you clearly didn’t have a problem with it. We’re complete fucking fools for one another, so knowing that I was desperate for and needed you, made you just as happy as it made to know that you were still in love with me.

Even if you refused to say it out loud.

It’s not like you ever took getting back together off the table, you still wear the Hummingbird necklace I got you after our third date, and I know that you love me just as much as I love you. If I can get my shit together, I know you’ll take me back, but I need you to compromise. It’s not fair to ask of you, but I can’t just give all of this up. It’s the only thing that keeps me normal around you. Yeah, you accept me flaws and all, but you deserve better.

I want you to have better.

“What?” I ask as a soft knock breaks me out of my thoughts.

I know I told you I was going to work, but leaving your side...it’s been so long since I’ve had you like this, and I just can’t pull myself away from you until I have to.

“They found the guys,” a mercenary tells me as he opens the door softly.

“Alive or dead?” “Alive. They’re in the cellar.”

“I’ll be down there in a minute.”

As I go to get out of bed, your grip on me gets tighter, “It’s okay, Hummingbird.”

“Where..what’s going on?”

“You sleep. We’ll talk about it later.”

“Travis-”

“He hasn’t woken up.” “Lloyd-”

“Rest, Hummingbird,” I encourage before I press a kiss into your hair.

“I love you, Lloyd,” you tell me lazily.

“I love you too, Hummingbird.”

In a matter of seconds, you’re back to sleep and it makes me melt all over again. I know we’re not together anymore, and I know it’s my fault, but having you like this...I’m going going to fix all of this.

First, I’m going to make sure Travis is okay, then I’m gonna make you mine again.

I’ll never lose you again.

**

Y/N’s P.O.V

You’re awoken by your phone buzzing on the floor. You roll around for a bit, trying to regain consciousness, before feeling around on the floor for your pants, and fishing your phone out of your pocket.

Tina.

In all the chaos, you’d forgotten all about what Lloyd said. You checked the time and saw that it was 10pm, and you’re sure shes been calling you for a while.

You take a deep breath before answering, “hey.” “Hey is everything okay?! I’ve been calling-” “Yeah no, I’m just exhausted. I’m honestly even sure what day it is at this point.”

“I can come over another day-” “No, it’s fine. You seemed like you really needed to talk to me.” “Yeah, I’ll head over now-”

“I’m at Lloyd’s. He feels better having both Travis and I close after everything.” “Oh,” is all she responds with.

God, please don’t let Lloyd be right about this.

“I’ll let him know you’re coming by. Do you remember the address?”

“Yeah, I’ll see you in a bit,” she responds softly before hanging up.

Fuck.

You’re slow to get dressed as you go over what happened just a few hours ago, and what’s about to happen. How can so much happen in such little time? Literally everything was fine and then in an instant, your entire world is flipped upside down and falling apart.

And how did you respond? By fucking your ex-husband.

What now? You know him well enough to know that this isn’t going to be a one and done kind of thing. It’s not like he didn’t know that you never stopped loving him, but now you’ve let him in again. Physically, emotionally, and intimately. So, he’s gonna try and work his way back in, which isn’t even the main issue. The real issue is that you want to let him back in.

You’ve missed him so damn much and he’s been amazing (for the most part) about handling all that’s going on. You want to fall asleep in his arms again, you want his kisses to wake you up in the morning, you want everyone in one fucking house again, you want to be with your soulmate again.

Being with Lloyd is the only thing that makes you feel sane.

There’s his job though. He’s not going to quit, and it’s clearly not getting any safer. It’s not lost on you that Travis is across the hall fighting for his life, because someone wanted revenge on Lloyd. However, it’s also not lost on you how much more protective he’s going to be over the both of you now.

Why can’t any of this shit be easy?

To make everything all that much more complicated, even if it turns out that Tina isn’t responsible for the hell you’re currently in, Lloyd has decided that she is and he isn’t going to change his mind. From the tone in her voice, you already know she’s coming over with a fully loaded gun, and the last thing you need is for a fucking gunfight to break out where your child is currently laying unconscious. Something you wouldn’t put past either of them, because when they’re both angry enough, they’re both unreachable.

And Lloyd is way past furious.

You scoff when you notice all the feathers all over the floor from one of the pillows you both destroyed. In your defense, if he hadn’t been fucking you completely senseless, while biting and sucking on the hollow part of your neck (which he knows makes you crazy), then you wouldn’t have started clawing at the pillows so fucking hard.

You quietly exit the room and make your way to Travis’ room, where he’s still unconscious.

“Has there been any change at all?” you ask the new doctor sitting next to his bedside.

The one who gave Lloyd her card. Great.

“No, but that’s not a bad thing. His vital signs are good and nothings happened to cause any alarm. We just have to wait and see when he’ll wake up.”

“If he’ll wake up,” you sigh as you walk over to the bed and take his hand in yours, “I love you, sweetie. Your Dad and I love you so much,” you promise softly, fighting back tears. “I’ll be back in a bit to check on him,” you nod towards to the doctor as you let go of Travis’ hand.

With that, you leave the room and close the door behind you. You want the both of them to hear as little as possible.

Once you’re finally downstairs, you only see half the mercenaries in the living area, which means work is being done. You look out the window and see that Lloyd’s car is still home, because he likes to drive himself when he’s angry. He likes to piss people off while driving, so they’ll get out and wanna fight, and  he beats the shit out of them and gets his anger out that way.

Like you’ve told him before, it’s not lost on you that he’s a lunatic.

But where the hell is he? You know he wouldn’t do anything in the backyard, and it’s not even because he’s afraid of someone seeing. It would get too messy, and it’ll drive him insane. Same with the garage. Lloyd needs everything to be clean and neat at all times.

Well, almost at all times.

“Where’s Lloyd?” you finally ask one of the mercenaries.

“He told us-” “Where is he?” you demand more than ask again, cocking an eyebrow.

“He’s...uh...he’s...”

“You know, you really have to ask yourself, how crazy someone has to be to marry Lloyd Hansen. What could they be capable of?” you warn with a growl. “Now, where is he?”

“He’s downstairs, in the cellar,” the poor man quickly explains as he points towards the direction it’s in.

Since when has there been a fucking cellar? Then again, it has been a few years since you’ve been in this house.

“Thank you,” you smile sweetly before turning and making your way to the door.

The second you open it, you can tell that a lot of people have been killed down here. It’s the one part of the house that isn’t painted, the lights are flickering, the walls are stone, there’s no carpeting, it’s cold, and they’re dried blood smears on the wall.

It’s downright terrifying.

The closer you get to the bottom step, the more you regret your decision to search for Lloyd. Yes, you know what he does for a living, but this is the first time you’ve actually seen this part of his life. While hes never hidden anything from you (since you chewed him out in college), hes also never shown you this side of him. The unhinged side? Yes. The murdering side? No.

You quickly start making your way down the hall, and the closer you get to the end of it, the louder the grunts become. As you walked past the other closed doors, you don’t even want to begin to think about what goes on in them.

“You know,” you hear Lloyd chuckle menacingly, “my torture process is usually a lot worse than this, but making you bleed is just too damn fun. “Please-”

“Where the fuck is Andrew?!” he shouts, and you’re more than sure hes punched the man in the face.

Jesus.

You knock softly on the door and get me with a gruff, “What?!”

“It’s me” you respond softly.

“Be right back, Pork Chop,” you hear Lloyd breathe.

Soon enough, he’s opening the door and you the sight of him has you wet almost instantly. His hair is wild and some of it matted to his forehead, his knuckles are covered in blood, he’s breathing heavy, they’re beads of sweat on his forehead, and he’s dressed tight fitting all black clothes, with black loafers to match.

The fact that he also looks so wild and feral has you ready to jump on him and fuck him in front of everyone. Maybe you are just as unhinged as him.

“Is everything okay, Hummingbird?” he asks softly as he cleans off his hands with a white cloth.

What the hell did you come down here for? Oh, yeah, that.

“Tina is on her way here.” “Talk to her down here in that room,” he sighs, pointing at the room two doors down.

“Lloyd-”

“I know I’ve done things that have hurt you in the past, but its never been anything on this scale. I wouldn’t do this if I wasn’t sure. I don’t want to take anything else from you, but she has to go. I can’t forgive this. The only reason she isn’t dead yet is out of courtesy towards you,” he mutters, fury burning in his eyes.

“She’ll want to know why I wanna talk to her down here.” “Tell her it’s in case you two start yelling at each other. This cellar is soundproof.”

“Lloyd...are you sure?” “Do you trust me?”

“I always have.” “Then trust me on this,” he assures you softly.

You can’t help but find it funny that he can switch his attitude so fast when you’re around.

“How will you know...?”

“They’re a million little tricks I’ve put down here. I won’t be far at all.” “Just...let her at least explain her side of it. Hear her out and then, if you still think...”

“Hummingbird-” “Lloyd, please. I’ve been through hell these last few hours? Days? I can barely tell which way is up at this point. If you’re going to kill my best friend, I at least want her to have a fair chance,” you sigh.

“Fine,” he agrees begrudgingly.

You resist the urge to kiss him before going to leave, when he grabs your wrist, pulls you close, and kisses you passionately.

You swear you can kiss him all fucking day.

“I’ll be close by, okay?” he breathes once you two break apart, before turning his attention to back to everyone else in the room.

You honestly forgot about them.

“Hook the cables up to his chair,” he demands, his tone authoritative and menacing like he hadn’t sweet with you seconds ago. “If I can’t beat an answer out of him, maybe I can freeze it out him. I want it on the highest setting until I get back, you understand me?”

“Yes, Mr. Hansen,” one of the mercenaries answer, “what about the other man?” “See if survived the waterboarding. If he did, see if you can get him to talk. If he won’t, break his ankles and shoot him in his knee caps,” Lloyd shrugs before closing the door.

Of all the times for you to be turned on.

“I’m sure she’ll be here soon, Hummingbird. You should get upstairs.”

“Lloyd, you promise-”

“I swear to you, I’ll be fucking fair. You may not like the outcome, but I’ll wait and hear her out.”

“Thank you.”

Your heart is heavy as you turn and start on your way back down the hall and up the stairs. You believe Lloyd when he says you’ll hear her out, but when he’s this sure about something, you know it’ll take a miracle to change his mind. If he were the one who got attacked because of her actions, he truly wouldn’t care, but hes always known how to outsmart her and hit her where it hurts. However, it was an attack on you and Travis, and he’s having a hard time not seeing red.

As soon as you reach the top step, you hear the doorbell.

Here we go.

“Hey,” she greets you with a warm smile and a hug, which return, since it’ll probably be the last one you ever give her. “How’s Travis?”

“There hasn’t been a change, the doctor is upstairs with him right now.” “Is there anything I can do to help?”

“For now, it’s just a waiting game,” you smile weakly. “Lets have this talk down in the cellar. Lloyd’s working down there anyway, so he’s not gonna be around, and it’s soundproof. If we start yelling, and I have a feeling we will, I don’t want everyone hearing. One of the mercenaries might tell Lloyd, and he’s already hot headed-” “When isn’t he?” she scoffs.

“Tina.” “I’m sorry, that was a low blow. His son is...I’m sorry,” she sighs. “Lets go,” she smiles weakly.

You two make your way down the steps in silence, and when you reach the room Lloyd told you to go to, you hear gun shots followed by the most agonizing scream you’ve ever heard.

Guess that guy didn’t talk.

“So, what’s up? What happened?” you ask as she closes the door behind the both of you.

“Just...we’ve been through a lot, Y/N. So, please just hear me out.”

Fucking great.

“What happened, Tina?” you sigh, your hands on your hips because you’re already exhausted.

“What happened to Travis....what almost happened to you...it wasn’t supposed-” “The fuck does that mean?!”

“They weren’t supposed to go after you! Lloyd was the fucking target and they had been tailing him. He was supposed to be back on the day that everything happened, but when he wasn’t back, they decided to-” “Are you fucking shitting me?! WHAT THE FUCK?!”

“It wasn’t...listen, how much do you know about Prague?” “Lets not fucking talk about Prague,” you laugh incredulously as you start to pace.

“I’m sorry, but if we don’t, you won’t get it-”

“I’m never going to get it, because you know how much I love him! You saw how I reacted when-”

“He killed Suzanne!”

“Tina, you better be fucking kidding me,” you scoff in disbelief. “You wanted the love of my life killed, because he killed your revenge girlfriend?!”

“She wasn’t-” “Don’t fucking say she wasn’t! You started dating Suzanne to get back at Denny! You couldn’t stand her just as much he couldn’t! She tried to kill Lloyd, and almost did, and he killed her instead! It’s his fault that he’s good at his job?! You saw how broken up I was when he almost died! All the hell I went through, the panic attacks, the sleepless nights, trying to take care of Travis-”

“Lloyd killed a girl-”

“BECAUSE IT WAS HIS JOB!” you shout at her. “Jesus, I know that he’s a prick, but you and I both know that when it comes to work, he does what needs to be done no matter how bad he may or may not feel about it later. It’s not like he goes out of his fucking way to kill kids! No, this is about your fucking bruised ego. Denny fell out of love with you, Lloyd kicked you out of his office when you got hysterical, and you felt humiliated. Did you forget that I’m your best fucking friend and you told me all of this?!”

“Y/N-”

“So what? You put out a hit on him and it fucking backfired? No surprise there,” you mutter.

“Don’t be fucking cruel!”

“I’m sorry, my son is fighting for his life and I was almost killed! YOU DON’T GET TO TELL ME NOT TO BE CRUEL!”

“Y/N-” “What happened, Tina?!”

“I met Andrew at bar and I had seen him around because of work,” she sighs, running an exasperated hand through her hair. “We had a few drinks, we got to talking, and we realized that we have a common enemy-”

“Lloyd. You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me,” you laugh humorlessly.

“I only gave him Lloyd’s information and he had his guys follow him around-”

“Tina...fuck you,” you laugh, “fuck you for all of this!”

“He was supposed to be-”

“YOU SAW ALL OF THE HELL I WENT THROUGH! AND YOU WERE GOING TO PUT ME THROUGH IT ALL OVER AGAIN?!”

“HE ISN’T GOOD FOR YOU OR TRAVIS!” “YOU DON’T GET TO DECIDE THAT! YOU DON’T KNOW HOW HE IS WITH HIM! YOU DON’T KNOW HOW HE IS WITH ME BEHIND CLOSED DOORS! YOU DON’T KNOW!”

“YOU WANNA BE WITH SOMEONE WHO MURDERS CHILDREN?!” “IT IS HIS FUCKING JOB! YOU DON’T GET TO SIT HERE AND LECTURE ME ABOUT SHIT WHEN YOU’VE CRIED TO ME ABOUT ALL THE INNOCENT PEOPLE YOU’VE HAD TO KILL! I MARRIED HIM, I HAD A CHILD WITH HIM, HE OWNS MY HEART AND SOUL, AND BECAUSE OF SOME PETTY FUCKING VENDETTA, WHERE HE DIDN’T ACTUALLY DO ANYTHING WRONG, YOU WERE...GOD! I HATE WHEN HE’S FUCKING RIGHT! I FUCKING HATE YOU FOR THIS, TINA!” you scream as your tears start to fall. “Do you understand that Travis might die?! He may not ever be able to walk again, we don’t what his memory will be like if he wakes up...he almost died because of-”

“Y/N...babe, I’m sorry...I didn’t think-” “No, you didn’t fucking think! Did you forget that you had to keep Travis for two weeks because I wasn’t even capable of cooking?! YOU WERE GOING TO DO THAT TO ME AGAIN OVER A PETTY DISAGREEMENT-

“I WOULD HAVE BEEN THERE-”

You don’t even jump when the gun goes off from the side of the room. You just breathe heavily as she falls to the ground and try to feel something. Your best friend not only betrayed you, but is also the reason why your son is fighting for his life, and shes been killed right before your eyes and yet...

You feel nothing.

“If it makes you feel any better, I really wanted to be wrong,” Lloyd sighs as he wraps his arms around your waist from behind.

“I don’t feel anything. I’m all out of fucking feelings,” you mutter, leaning against him because leaving his side seems impossible at the moment. “Have either of those guys said anything yet?”

“I haven’t gone back in-” “I want to go in with you.” “Hummingbird-” “I wasn’t asking.”

Lloyd lets out a heavy sigh but nonetheless, presses a soft kiss into your hair before taking your hand and leading you out of the room. You take one last look at Tina’s dead body before he closes the door. You hear him clear his throat as he places his gun back into the waist of his pants.

“You sure, Hummingbird?”

“I just saw my best friend get killed. I’m pretty fucking sure I can handle two pieces of shit who tried to kill my son.”

“Y/N, don’t be mad at me for-” “I’m not mad at you, Lloyd. I’m truly not. I’m just fucking tired and I want this over with. I want Travis safe, I want you safe, and I want...I just want all of this to be over.”

“I know, Hummingbird. I promise, as soon as I find out what I need to, I’ll finish everything.”

“Then we should get in there.”

“I guess you’re right,” he sighs.

He pulls out his phone and sends a quick text before shoving it back in his pocket and leading you into the room.

“Looks like you’ve got a visitor...oh, you look like you’ve seen a ghost,” Lloyd chuckles as you close the door behind you two. “There’s a pathetic little thing lying on the floor in the other room. Get rid of her,” he commands to two of the mercenaries, before returning his gaze to the shivering man in the chair. “As for you-”

“Mr. Hansen-”

“I’m working!” he snaps.

“I understand, but the other guy...he’s gone.”

“I guess he really wasn’t a daisy,” Lloyd chuckles. “Get rid of him, he’s of no use to me now. Drop him into the bottom of the ocean, or chop him up and get rid of him in the tub, it really makes no difference to me,” he shrugs as he once again turns his attention to the man in the chair. “Do you wanna tell me where Andrew is, or do you wanna try out another form of torture?” Lloyd asks sarcastically as he takes out his pistol.

“Please, just-” “Boring,” he sighs, rolling his eyes as he fires a shot into the guys arm. “Tell me what I want to know!”

“He’s gonna-”

“He’s not going to do anything I won’t do much worse! Now, tell me where the fuck-”

“Lloyd,” Denny interrupts as walks through the door, “we need you upstairs.”

“Denny-” “It’s an update on Andrew. They just caught two guys trying to break-in. Committed suicide before we could get anything out of them, but they came with a note.”

Lloyd sighs and drops his head, “we keep getting interrupted, Pork Chop. I’ll be right back. Lets go, Humming-” “I wanna stay in here,” you interrupt softly, which has Lloyd quickly turning all of his attention towards you. “What?” “You go, I’ll stay.”

“Y/N-” “I’m fine, Lloyd. You go, I’ll stay,” you repeat, not taking your eyes off of whimpering piece of shit in the chair.

Lloyd lets out another heavy sigh, but says nothing as he heads out and closes the door behind him.

“I don’t know why you’re crying, he’s taking it easy on you,” you shrug as you make your way over to the weapons table. “No, I’ve never seen him kill anyone, but I’ve also known him for a while now. He’s good at his job for a reason.” “Please, I’m sorry-” “No no, I talk and you listen,” you interrupt with a kind smile as you pick up Lloyd’s butterfly knife. “It’s not as sharp as it usually. He probably used it for work and never got the chance to sharpen it. Ya know, Lloyd fucks with his toys,” you chuckle. “I’ve been fucked with his guns, he would test out how strong his ropes were by tying me to the bed or tying me up and made sure that no matter how hard he fucked me I couldn’t get out, he liked to cut my underwear off with his knives, he has a bit of a blood kink so every once in a while he would “accidentally” cut me while cutting off my clothes. Lost a lot of cute underwear during our relationship,” you sigh as you shake your head.

“Ms. Diaz said-” “Oh, Tina? She’s dead. Nothing she says holds any weight anymore,” you shrug as you make your way over to the guy. “You were so desperate to make your guy happy, and now look? Tied to a metal chair, freezing your balls off, crying like a bitch, all bloodied up, and your little buddy is dead,” you laugh as you stand in front of him. “Where’s Andrew?” “I don’t know!”

“Lies irritate me,” you scowl before grabbing his hand and stabbing it.

“FUCK!” “Where is Andrew?” “I don’t-” “Lying,” you sing as pull the knife out and start to cut off his fingers.

“I DON’T KNOW!” “Lie, lie, lie,” you tsk as you add more pressure and cut the bone. “Where is he?”

“PLEASE!”

“Oh look, I took off two fingers,” you laugh as you toss them on the table. “I’m nowhere near as skilled as Lloyd is, so you’ll have to forgive me for that. Anyway, wanna keep this up? Or do you wanna tell me-” “I WAS PROMISED-” “Still not the answer I’m looking for,” you shrug as you start cutting his ear. “Now, where is?” “LONDON! HE’S HIDING OUT IN LONDON! KNIGHTSBRIDGE, LONDON! THERE’S SOME HOUSE...IT’S FAMOUS HOME...HE’S THERE!” he wails as you cut through the last of his ear.

“Good boy,” you smile at him before kissing his forehead. “You stay here and someone will be down to see you soon,” you promise him sweetly as place his fingers and ear in a white cloth.

“Please...please...d-don’t kill-” “Don’t kill you? Oh honey, that’s for Lloyd to decide,” you smile as you wrap up the cloth then make your way out.

You’ve never done anything like that in your life, and you never thought that you would, but your patience and discipline have all but dissolved. Your son still hasn’t woken up, your best friend is not only responsible for all of this but intentionally going after your soulmate, and now this asshole sends someone else to attack all of you?

The good girl is on leave right now.

“Lloyd, we’re at least able to narrow it down to two different-” “I want an exact location!” Lloyd shouts at Denny, as you enter the kitchen. “He sent someone-”

“He’s in London,” you state flatly as you drop the cloth containing the fingers and ear on the table on the table. “Knightsbridge, London. He said it’s a famous home, so I have a good guess that it’s that place where they hosted Picasso.”

Both of them just look at you with pure shock and amazement in their eyes.

“Someone tried to kill my son. I want him gone. If you have more questions, I’m sure he’ll be more than happy to answer...if he’s still alive. I’m not a doctor, so I don’t know how these things work, but he was still begging when I left-” “You did this?” Lloyd asks, trying to hide how turned on he is.

“That I did.” “Come with me, lets talk to him together since you’re clearly more persuasive than I am. Denny,” he smirks as he turns his attention to his bewildered best friend, “give me about 20...30 minutes to have an exact location.” “Lloyd-” “It looks like I’m not the one calling the shots anymore,” he laughs as he gets up. “Lead the way,” he smiles at you.

He holds your hand as you lead him back down the steps, and for the entire short trip, you feel his eyes on you intensely. You know that he never thought you’d be capable of doing something, but he doesn’t hate the fact that he now knows that you are. If anything, it just makes him feel closer to you.

“You did this, Hummingbird?” Lloyd asks softly once you two are back in the room, wrapping his arm around your waist and pulling you close. “You did so good,” he praises against your neck before kissing it.

Feeling him hard against your the back of thigh only makes you even more desperate for him.

“He doesn’t want you to kill him, daddy,” you moan as he teases kisses up and down your neck.

“He doesn’t want me to...that’s cute,” he laughs as he pulls out his pistol. “You’re gonna tell my Hummingbird whatever the fuck she wants to know.”

‘My Hummingbird’. God, you love the sound of that.

“I told her-”

“You didn’t give her an exact address,” he tuts as he shoots him in the leg.

In no time at all, Lloyd had more than all the information he needs, all the while teasing the shell of your ear with the tip his tongue.

“What do you think, Hummingbird?” he asks as he unbuttons your jeans with one hand, while the other is still pointing the gun at the blubbering mess, “should I let him live?” “N-no daddy,” you moan as he slides his hands down your panties, his fingers quickly finding their mark and starting to tease you.

“P-please,” the man blubbers.

“Sorry,” Lloyd smirks against your neck, “you heard my Hummingbird.”

It’s embarrassing how hard you came when he pulled the trigger on his pistol.

“We have to stop,” you whimper as Lloyd continues to massage your clit with two fingers.

“Do we?” he husks before biting your earlobe. “I think we should keep it up.”

“Fuck!”

“You want me to beg? I can get on my knees right now-” “Lloyd-Jesus Christ you two!” Denny scowls and you smile as you feel the rumble in Lloyd’s chest as he chuckles. “You need to get upstairs so we can plan how you wanna go about this.”

“Isn’t that why they call you the Chief?”

“This is your revenge, jackass,” Denny snaps back.

“Go,” you laugh softly, “I need to check on Travis anyway. I’ve been away far too long.”

“We can go together and then-” “Lloyd,” you laugh, hating how good and loved hes making you feel.

“I’ll come up after, okay?”

“Sounds good-shit!” you moan as he removes his fingers.

“You’re sleeping in my bed tonight,” he chuckles before licking his fingers as he walks away.

Are you even sure this is your life anymore?

You scoff and shake your head as you look at the dead idiot in the chair, before you finally make your way out of what you can only call Hell. You’re still trying to wrap your head around what the hell has taken place over the last 2 days? 3 days?

When is the last time you ate? When’s the last time Lloyd ate?

As you make your way into the kitchen, you ignore everything that’s going on and start searching for menus, when you realize the time.

12am.

Looks like you’re cooking.

“You don’t have to cook,” Lloyd sighs as you start taking out pots and pans.

“We need to eat. I’m sure everyone needs to eat,” you chuckle humorlessly. “Though, I don’t know how the hell I’m going to feed everyone. How do you all feel about sandwiches?”

“Hummingbird, I’ll send for food and have it brought up to you-” “It’s 12am, Lloyd.”

“What does that mean to me? Get upstairs and I’ll bring up some food to you when it gets here.” “You don’t know what I want.”

“I always know what you want,” he smirks.

“Lloyd-” “Jesus, I’ll feed you too, Denny. Calm down,” he scowls.

You laugh as you start to make your way out of the kitchen, but Lloyd grabs your wrist as you walk by and it tugs at your heart. You wrap an arm around him and kiss the top of his head before letting go and making your way into the living area and starting on your way up the stairs.

It’s not lost on you that you can’t just get back with Lloyd like nothings happened, but that doesn’t change the fact that you want to. You want to so bad that it’s actually starting to hurt. Yes, the last few days have been hell, but hes been by your side for all of it. Hes been by your side, hes been amazing, and all of it has made you realize why you fell in love with him in the first damn place.

He’s always going to be your Huckleberry.

“Am I allowed to lay on the bed with him?” you ask the doctor as you lean against the door frame of Travis’ room.

“Just be gentle,” she warns softly.

You ease into bed with him and grab the remote off the nightstand.

“I promised you ‘Tombstone’ and that’s what we’re gonna watch,” you tell him softly as you kiss the top of his head.

You settle in next to him and lay your head on his shoulder as you find ‘Tombstone’ on some streaming service, and start playing it. “Has there been any change?” you ask the doctor.

“Everything is the same,” she smiles softly.

Of course it is.

You give her a small smile and nod before focusing your attention back on the screen. As you sit and watch, a small smile comes to your first as you remember the first time you watched it.

“We’ve been dating for four months and you still haven’t watched it,” Lloyd grumbled as you two laid in his bed.

“Why do you want me to watch it so bad?” you laughed.

“Because it’s my favorite movie!”

“Lloyd, will it really make you that happy if I watch it?”

“I’ve been asking every damn day for the last two months, so yes, it will make me that happy, Hummingbird.” “Jesus, alright. Put the damn thing in,” you laughed as Lloyd practically jumped out of the bed.

He talked through the whole damn movie.

“So, I’m guessing your Doc Holliday in all this?”

“Of course I am! He’s the most badass out of all of ‘em!”

“A fair point,” you laughed as you got up and started to get dressed.

“Where you going?”

“Back to my dorm, Huckleberry.” “Stay the night.”

“I have spent the last three nights here and I can tell that Tina wants to hangout.”

“Who gives a fuck about Tina?”

“Clearly I do since she’s my best friend.” “Go to breakfast with her tomorrow or something.” “You can’t always get your way, Lloyd.” “Why not?”

“Now now, don’t get all soft on me.”

“I would fall in love with someone who has a mind of her own,” he muttered before he could stop himself.

That made you freeze.

“Wh...what? What did you say?” you asked, slowly turning around to see that Lloyd was sitting straight up.

“Nothing.” “Yes you did.” “It doesn’t matter, because it’s not a big deal.”

“Then why don’t you want to say it again?”

“Hummingbird-” “Did you mean it?” “Yes.” “Then say it again.”

He was quiet and his breathing got heavy before he finally repeated, “I love you.”

You were back on his bed and straddling him instantly. You cupped his face and kissed him passionately, while Lloyd wrapped his arms around your waist and pulled you close.

“Say it again,” you breathed once you two broke apart.

“I love you.”

“Are you just saying it because you want me to stay over?”

“Y/N, I have never said that to anyone. Maybe my parents on their birthdays. I have now told you a total of three times and we both know that they’re a million ways for me to get you to stay without admitting how I actually feel. I love you.”

“I love you, Lloyd,” you smiled before you took off your shirt.

“I thought you were gonna hangout with Tina tonight,” he smirked as flipped you over on your back.

“I’ll take her to breakfast.”

In all honesty, you stopped watching the damn movie because it became too painful. Remembering that moment and how perfect everything was, him telling you that he loved you for the first time...it was too much. For the longest time, you thought that Lloyd showed Travis the movie out of spite, because it’s not like he isn’t that much of an asshole, but then you really thought about it. The amount of people who know anything personal about Lloyd are three: Travis, you, and Denny, and you’re honestly not even sure if Denny knows that ‘Tombstone’ is his favorite movie because that would mean that someone besides you would know that Doc Holliday is his hero.

It would also mean that he’d have to admit that his whole ‘tough guy’ persona isn’t his own...well, the being a psycho part is 100% him.

“Your Dad holds his gun just like that,” you laugh softly to Travis, as you watch Doc Holliday, walk away from the barber who was trimming up his mustache.

“Don’t reveal my secrets to him,” Lloyd mutters as he enters the room, two containers in hand. “Besides, I don’t hold my gun behind my back, I hold it in front of me.”

“Yeah, but you still hold it the same way, and don’t reveal your secrets? Says the man who wanted to name him Doc, like that wouldn’t have been a dead give away,” you smirk.

“Lloyd,” the doctor smiles at him.

Of course hes fucked her.

“Has there been any change?” he asks you, completely ignoring the woman in the chair.

“He squeezed my hand a little, but he hasn’t opened his eyes.”

“That’s good, right? It means he’s showing signs of improvement?” he questions, eyes hopeful as he takes a seat next to you.

“It’s a very good sign,” the doctor smiles at him.

Maybe she should go to bed with him tonight.

“Shit! I missed the gun fight!” he scowls as he passes you a container of pasta.

“I can always rewind it, it’s not like you missed it by much,” you laugh as you grab the remote, “what poor soul did you bully into making this?”

“How do you know I didn’t make it?”

“Cause you can’t cook for shit,” you scoff as you rewind back to his favorite scene and he flips you off.

“My Mother made it.” “Then take it back, cause she can’t cook for shit either.” “Shes hired a chef and I’m more than sure it’s because of something my Father said.”

“Don’t tell me Stef is getting sensitive now...Lloyd, did this chef just start making food yesterday? This is terrible!” you cough as you spit it out and press play on the movie.

“She had to make this, cause this tastes awful!” he laughs as he takes your container away from you. “Jesus, I’ll get-”

“We’ll get something in the morning. We’ve gone this long without eating. Another couple hours won’t hurt us,” you shrug.

“Hummingbird-” “We’ll get breakfast, I promise. Lets just finish the movie and go to bed. We both need rest, its been a long day,” you sigh.

“You did good today, Hummingbird,” Lloyd praises as rests his hand on your thigh.

“Thank you, Huckleberry,” you sigh, resting your hand on top of his.

Why can’t you two just work it out?

When the movie comes to an end, you both give Travis a kiss and tell him you’ll see him first thing in the morning, you tell the doctor goodnight and bids you a good night as well before giving Lloyd a suggestive smirk.

This is why you’ve got to stop fooling around with him.

“Burn this,” he tells one of the mercenaries as he passes him the two full containers.

“Goodnight, Lloyd,” you tell him softly as you make your way to the room you were supposed to sleep in last night.

“What do you...goodnight?” “I’m going to bed, it’s been a long day and-”

“Don’t do this to me, Hummingbird. After last night...don’t make me sleep alone.”

“Lloyd.”

“Y/N, I can’t sleep without you in my arms and I know you can’t sleep without me by your side.”

Fuck.

“Lloyd,” you moan as he lays you down on the bed, quickly getting to work on the front of your jeans. “We have to...we’re not...fuck!” you sigh as he easily slides two fingers inside of you. “Feels so...shit! Lloyd!” you squeal when he starts massaging your clit with his thumb.

“You look so fucking good when you’re so desperate, Hummingbird,” he coos as your toes curl.

“Need it...need to fucking cum, please!” you whimper pathetically, clawing at the bed.

“So fucking gorgeous,” he whispers as he curls his fingers inside of you, finding that spot that makes you come alive for him and picking up his pace.

“Fuck!” you sob, coating his fingers with your release.

“Take off that shirt. It’s time to get you cleaned up,” he demands with a low growl, slowly removing his fingers then bringing them up to his lips.

“Lloyd-”

“You’ve been a good girl all day, don’t start acting up now,” he warns in the tone that makes you want to do any and every everything for him.

Why can’t you just stop?

“Fuck! Daddy please!” you beg as he pins you against the shower wall, water already on and at the temperature you love.

“Never dreamed that my good little Hummingbird could be so bad,” he groans as he kisses down your body.

“I’d do anything to...to keep you both s..safe! Oh fuck! You and that tongue! That’s it daddy! Bring your good girl off!” you encourage, gripping his hair tight as your pussy against his face.

One of these days, you’ll be strong enough to tell him no...sure.

“Right there, daddy! Oh fuck!” your cry out, looking down and meeting his intense gaze. “Gonna fuckin...YES!” you scream, trying to stay upright as your orgasm washes over you and your legs almost give out.

“You want it?” Lloyd smirks after he cleans up between your legs, licking up your body at a tortuously slow pace.

“You know I do!”

“Tell me what I need to hear,” he demands with a soft husk once he’s by the shell of your ear.

“I love you! I will always love you!”

Before you have a chance to prepare yourself, he’s hoisting you up and forcing your legs around his waist, before thrusting himself inside of you.

“Oh God!”

“You were gonna make me sleep without you? Make me go without this perfect little honeypot? I shouldn’t let you cum at all!,” he growls as he wraps a hand around your throat and grips it tight.

“Fuck, please! Aht! That’s...please!” you beg desperately, grinding your hips against his as you claw at his back.

“But you did so good today, my little Hummingbird,” he praises, and you clench around him, as his movements start to pick up. “Saw the video, heard you get the information...God, I want to bend you over and fuck you right in front of that poor fuck when we went back into that room.” “Daddy!” “Oh, someone’s close,” he chuckles darkly, “you don’t fucking cum until I tell you to, understand?” “Shit!” “Do you understand me?” he questions again, slapping you hard.

God, it’s been so long.

“Fuck, yes daddy! Anything you say! Anything you want!”

“Good girl, I was beginning to think you forgot how this works,” he taunts, as your toes curl in a weak attempt to fight off your release.

“Feels so good!” “Yeah? You love when daddy’s fat cock is deep inside you? Filling this tight little cunt?”

“Feels fucking amazing! You’re so good to me!”

“You’re mine, Y/N. You’ve always been mine and you’ll always be mine, understand me?” he whispers against your neck before biting and sucking on the hollow of it.

“Lloyd,” you whimper as you lull your head back against the shower wall.

You have no fight left in you to tell him ‘no’ anymore. Doing it the first time was hard enough, but now? After everything that’s happened, walking away is beginning to feel impossible again. Yeah, you’re well aware that he would’ve acted like this if you’d never left in the first place, but it was all too much. It’s not like it isn’t too much now, but seeing just how seriously he takes you and Travis’ safety...it’s been emotional last few days, and Lloyd has truly been the only reason you’ve been able to stay anchored.

“I can’t be without you, Hummingbird. I can’t...I need you, baby!” “Fuck, I need you...too! Need you so much! Please...too much!” “Squeezin me so fucking tight! Christ, let go for me!” “LLOYD!” you scream out, gripping him tight as you squirt, slowly fading out of consciousness.

“Could stay buried deep inside this pussy forever,” Lloyd growls as he fills you to the brim.

Lloyd rode out both your highs, whispering sweet nothing against your chest, while caressing your thighs.

“I love you, Hummingbird,” he tells you softly as he sets you down.

“I love you, Huckleberry,” you mumble.

“You okay?”

“Mhm,” you mumble lazily, regaining your balance as he passes you a wash cloth.

“Want me to wash you?”

“I can handle it, just give me a minute,” you giggle softly, taking it from him.

Taking a shower together was never good for you two, because even after you two would have sex, Lloyd wouldn’t keep his lips and hands off of you.

This time is no different.

Lloyd gets on his knees for you at least two more times before he finally lets you clean yourself up, but he still won’t stop pressing you against the wall and kissing you all over, and don’t protest because it’s the happiest and most relaxed you’ve been all day.

In some ways, it feels as if you two are back in college.

“What happened to start all of this?” you ask when you two finally get out of the shower.

“Hummingbird-” “Lloyd, tell me what happened. I know you’re tired, but I am too. I deserve to know why.”

“I know you do,” he sighs as he wraps a towel around you. “Andrew pissed me off-” “Everyone pisses you off, Lloyd.”

“This...he made a comment about you. It was a couple of months after we had that huge argument about me bailing on Travis, which I wasn’t,” he scowls and you roll your eyes, “and you stormed out. I never liked Andrew to begin with, but Denny needed me to go on this op with him, because he likes to think he can do whatever, whenever-” “So, he thinks he’s you?”

“I’m actually good at what I do, Hummingbird,” he smirks. “Anyway, we’d just finished up, and I was gonna go out for drinks and write up my report like I always do, and he wanted to come along. He wouldn’t shut the fuck up about it, and I knew Denny would be up my ass if I killed him, so I told him he can come as long as he shuts the fuck up,” he finishes with a growl.

“Then what?” “Some pricks can’t hold their fucking drinks. After only two drinks, he’s going on about he’d bend you over and show you who’s boss, how he’d be able to keep a woman like you in line, he’d make sure to keep you quiet with his dick in your mouth...the more he drank, the more he wouldn’t stop talking about it.”

“Oh fuck,” you sigh.

“Sure, I could’ve slit the walking void’s throat right then and there, but where’s the fun in that for me? So, after he passed out, I left him at the bar and set some...traps.”

“Lloyd-”

“Should’ve kept his fucking mouth shut. Anyway, when he woke up, he was locked up at headquarters, and was...punished for his “crimes”. To pour even more salt on the wound, I recorded myself fucking his fiancée and sent it from her phone, so when he finally got out it was the first thing he saw when he checked his phone.”

“LLOYD!”

“Should’ve kept his fucking mouth shut,” he repeats with a shrug. “Anyway, it wasn’t hard to put two and two together after that. He quit, Tina was around me and my office out of nowhere, then this shit happened. He’s not a slick as he thinks he is. His little bitch boys weren’t as smart as they thought they were. I fucked up because I didn’t think that anyone would be stupid enough to go after you and Travis, but I’m more than sure Andrew promised them something if they didn’t fuck up.”

“Why do you always have to add insult to injury? Why couldn’t you-”

“You’re mine, Hummingbird. Married or not, you are mine, just like I’m yours. He doesn’t get to talk about you like you’re some...I couldn’t just leave it alone. You know me well enough and long enough to know that was never an option.”

Why is it that simple words, from him, make your brain go stupid? Why is your heart always louder than your brain when it comes to Lloyd fucking Hansen?

He pulls you close and kisses you passionately and, for just a moment, everything feels as it should. Then, you remember the doctor in the other room and push him off. Yeah, you two already sex, but it doesn’t change the fact that, that issue still hasn’t been resolved.

You push him off of you and roll your eyes before storming out of the bathroom. The heavy sigh that leaves his mouth breaks your heart, but he’s the one who decided to bring her here.

“You’re mad at me,” Lloyd sighs once you two are finally in bed.

“I’m not mad-” “You’re not happy with me, and I know it’s not because of Andrew.” “At best, I’m annoyed,” you begrudgingly confess, “and don’t pretend you don’t know why.”

“I didn’t hire her to hurt you,” he starts. “Before I knew that you threatened everyone to keep working on me, she was one of the Doctors credited with saving my life. If she could save my ass with how fucked up I was, she should work on Travis if something happens. If I wanted to hurt you, I would’ve been a dick about it.” “I know, but it’s painfully obvious that you fucked her-”

“I only did it because I thought you hadn’t come to see me and I was pissed. She made advances towards me, I had no reason to say no, so I fucked her. It was just once and it didn’t mean anything, she doesn’t mean anything. I never returned any of her texts or phone calls.”

“It’s not like I have any right to be annoyed-”

“Don’t start that.” “Lloyd, don’t. This doesn’t change the fact-” “What if we compromise?”

“Compromise?” you ask, sitting up and facing him.

Since when is that word apart of his vocabulary?

“I’m not saying that I’m going to quit, BUT-” he quickly interjects when he  catches your roll your eyes, “I spoke to Denny about it, and I can...I can do desk work. More suit and tie shit and no more field work,” he mutters.

“Lloyd-” “You’ve gotta meet me halfway, Hummingbird. I’m trying.”

“Too much has happened-” “It’s nothing that can’t be fixed or worked on! We’re both guilty, and I’m very obviously the more guilty party in all of this, but you pushed me away-” “Because I wanted you to put Travis and I first!”

“What do you think I’m doing now?!” “Not quitting!”

“Hummingbird, you love me just as much now as you did then, if not more. You never take that necklace off and instead of throwing your engagement ring out, or selling it, you added it to the chain. You know that my love for you has never stopped or changed, we both...we can fix this. I’m still the same man you fell in love with, made a little bit better because I had you in my life, and you’re just as perfect as you’ve always been. I know I’ve hurt you and I was a petty piece of shit, and I’m sorry, but it’s not gonna happen again. I want to do right by you and Travis and I can, but you have to have to meet me halfway. You’ve known me long enough to know that this is the closest I’m ever gonna get to a fucking desk job.”

“Why can’t you be a weapons specialist or run your own weapons store? Why do you have to-” “Because it makes me happy, and you know how many few things actually do that. Yes, you and Travis make me happier than I ever thought I could be, but I’ve found my calling with my job and for as much as you hate it, I’m fucking good at it.”

“Lloyd-”

“Meet me halfway, Hummingbird. Please,” he begs softly.

This would be so much easier if you didn’t love him so much.

“I can’t just...I have to think about this, Lloyd. I mean really think about it,” you tell him softly.

“Hummingbird-”

“I’m not saying ‘no’, Lloyd. I’m saying I need to think about it. Yeah, we’re madly in love with each other, and we always will be, but it’s not like this relationship has always been healthy to begin with. I want to be with you, I know Travis wants us to be together, but I can’t just say yes to make you happy. I’ve done more than my fair share to make you happy, and I need to truly think about this. If we’re going to raise Travis together, we can’t be together like we were before. It won’t work.”

“You promise to truly think about it?”

“I do,” you smile at him.

Almost instantly, Lloyd is pulling you down and kissing you passionately.

“Lloyd, we need rest,” you giggle with a moan as he kisses down your body.

“We have enough time and energy for one more round, Hummingbird,” he mumbles against your skin before disappearing under the covers.

As Lloyd takes his time bringing you off with his tongue and fingers, you lay there (lost in pure euphoria) and wonder if you two really should give it a try? Is all of this, you and him, really worth trying?

One thing is for sure: you’re not against the idea of it.

**

“Lloyd, we don’t have time for trips! We finals coming up and-”

“You and I both know you’re gonna pass, so don’t give me some bullshit excuse about how you need to study, Hummingbird.”

“I wasn’t gonna say that I need to study, you need to study!”

“I’ll be fine-”

“Lloyd, we’ve been driving for 4 hours-”

“Which means we’re almost there! Will you stop worrying?”

“Where are you taking me?”

“It’s a surprise.”

“Lloyd-”

“You trust me?”

“Unfortunately.”

“Then just be happy,” he chuckled softly as he placed his hand on your upper thigh.

“Lloyd-”

“You wore my favorite dress.”

“I thought we were going to breakfast!”

“This early?”

“You never know with you. I showed up for a sunrise breakfast that I thought was a early morning run with you once, and I’ll never make that mistake again!” “Yeah, but your ass looked great in those sweats,” he smirked and you playfully punched him in the arm. “Hummingbird?”

“Hmm?”

“Remember a couple of months ago when I kidnapped you from the library and we fucked under the stars?” “Yeah,” you scoffed.

“You remember what I said?”

“About our future?”

“Yeah.”

“No matter what happens, you’ll always look out for your little Hummingbird and you’ll always love me. There’s never going to be anyone or anything more important to you, and that you’ll take care of me for as long as eternity allows.”

“Did you believe me?”

“I always believe you, Lloyd.” “I love you, Hummingbird.”

“I love you too, Huckleberry.”

The rest of the trip didn’t take long, but you didn’t stop showering him with questions. However, by the time you two reached the destination, you couldn’t help but laugh at where he took you two to.

“Huckleberry Farms?!” you laughed.

“I figured it would be a good break for you, Hummingbird,” he smirked.

“But you-”

“You come first. You need a break, so I’m giving you one.”

There was no sense in arguing with him when he was like that. When Lloyd wanted to do something for you, he was dead set on doing it, no matter what. So, you just decided to let yourself enjoy the day and make the most of whatever he had to offer. Lloyd loved to spoil you, especially when he felt you were stressed out or too high strung.

However, it really was the best day.

He rented out the farm, had all your favorite breakfast foods made fresh, indulged in your silly desire to pick berries, gave you piggyback rides whenever you wanted them, and made sure to have whatever you were too shy to ask for packed up and sent back to your dorm.

It was like something out of a fairy-tale.

“Lloyd, we have to get back,” you giggled as placed kisses up and down your neck, as you two walked down one of the fields.

“You don’t want anymore berries?” “Lloyd, I’m going to turn into a berry if you keep feeding them to me,” you laughed.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about the CIA thing. I promise to never lie or hold anything back from you again.”

“I’m still not happy about it,” you muttered as you looked up and stuck your tongue out at him.

“But you’re still here,” he laughed.

“Because I still love you. Even if you are the most insufferable asshole in the world.” “One of my many charms,” he chuckled, “how strong do you think your love is for me?”

“Despite your need to be a complete asshole at times, I think my love is strong enough to handle it. I think the love I have for you is strong enough to survive anything in this life and the next. It’s strong enough to love you just as much on your good days as well as your bad days.”

“You really think so? Flaws and all?”

“Flaws and all, Hansen. There’s only you for me,” you smiled at him as he came to a standstill.

“That’s good, cause it makes my next question a lot easier to ask,” he said as he got down on one knee.

“Oh my God! Lloyd-”

“I know that I’m not the easiest one to love or get along with, and I know that I don’t make this easy, but I love you, Y/N. I think I’ve always been in love with you, I was just too arrogant and cocky to admit it before, but you were patient. You’re nicer than I deserved, more understanding than anyone I’ve ever met, extremely loyal, you’re fucking gorgeous as hell, you’re annoyingly smart, you have an extremely dark sense of humor, you...I can go on forever about why you’re so fucking perfect,” he chuckled and you giggled as you wiped away your tears. “I know I don’t make any of this easy, but I swear that I try my fucking hardest for you, and I will always try my hardest for you. So,” he started as he pulled the black velvet box out of his pocket, “will you marry me?”

He burst out laughing when you knocked him over with the hug you tackled him with. He wrapped his arms around you and kissed you passionately and you unintentionally ground yourself against him when you went to sit up.

“Ya know, we do have the farm to ourselves,” he smirked as burst out laughing.

“Lloyd!”

“Give that finger,” he laughed as he took your left hand and placed the engagement ring on your finger. “I love you, Hummingbird. Until the end of time.”

As you toy with your engagement ring, that sits on the chain right next to your hummingbird, your other hand brings your cigarette up to your lips and you take a drag from it. You can’t stop thinking about that day. It was the best day of your life, at the time, but it also feels like a lifetime ago. No, maybe you and Lloyd aren’t ever supposed to get back to that place, but how do you two get to a place that’s better? Especially, after everything that’s happened between the two of you.

“I thought you quit those damn things,” your Mother sighs as she makes her way out onto the back deck.

“Ya know, for as much as you hate Lloyd, you sure do sound like him a lot,” you mutter.

“I don’t hate him-” “You don’t like him.”

“Can you blame me?”

“Stay out of it, Mama.”

“I’m guessing by that mark on your neck that you two are back together?” she questions as she takes a seat next to you.

“We’re gonna try and see if we can work things out.”

“After all of this?” “Please-”

“Do you see how you’re living?! All that you’re going through?!”

“Mom-” “And you were clearly okay with not telling your Father and I everything from the beginning-” “I told you he works for the CIA!”

“You never told us that your life would be at risk! And now look! My grandson is upstairs fighting for his life and guards are watching the house! Do you know how that makes me feel?!”

Whatever patience you’re holding on to has just left the building.

“How you...how you feel?! He’s my son! I held him in my fucking arms while he bled out! I was the one trying to be strong while I had a dead babysitter in the kitchen, who’s only dead because she’d been mistaken for me, while I tried to calm my son down! I was alone! How do you feel?! How the fuck do you think I feel?! I already went through this shit with Lloyd, and now I have to go through it again with our son!? I’m so fucking tired of everyone preaching to me like they know the hell I’ve gone through! You don’t know a damn thing, so stay out of it!” you finish in a huff.

Your Mother is quiet before saying, “because I was out of line, that is the only time you will ever speak to me like that. Do you understand me?”

“I swear to Christ-”

“Y/N-”

“No, you don’t get to come here, criticize me or Lloyd, and then tell me I can’t speak to you in the manner in which you deserve! You don’t know all the hell that either of us have been through, or how hard Lloyd has been working to find the man responsible! So yes, when you come over and start talking shit, I will talk to you in the way which you deserve!”

“I’m just trying to protect you-” “I DON’T NEED IT RIGHT NOW!” you shout at her. “I don’t need anyone else telling me how bad Lloyd is for me or how much better I deserve!”

After everything with Tina, the last thing you need is another fucking lecture.

“I’m not trying to upset you-”

“He’s waking up!” Lloyd says as he makes his way outside. “He started stirring in his sleep...he’s waking up,” he smiles with tears in his eyes.

You can’t even think. You just make your way inside and push past everyone in your way, before racing up the steps and almost bursting into Travis’ room.

“Mom?” he calls softly.

“Mommy’s here, baby,” you sob with a giant smile on your face as you make your way into the room.

“Are...are you okay? What happened?”

“You’re fine, so I’m fine. Don’t worry about what happened,” you sniff as you make your way over to his bedside, “all that matters is your safe now and everything is going to be okay,” you smile as you cup his face, kissing his forehead. “Your Dad is here and so am I, and we promise to keep you safe.”

“My body hurts,” he croaks, his voice still hoarse.

“We’re gonna get you back to yourself in no time. We have football practice starting soon,” Lloyd smiles, and you can see the tears welling in his eyes.

“Are you hungry? Is there anything you want? What can he have?” you ask the doctor, finally looking up to see that there’s a new doctor.

While the doctor is going over his dietary restrictions, for the time being, your Mother runs downstairs and you know she’s making him something to eat.

“When can he start physical therapy?” Lloyd asks as he takes a seat at the edge of the bed.

“We’ll see how he feels in a few days and that’ll help us figure out the best time to get started.” “You’re gonna stay, right Dad?” Travis asks weakly, but hopeful.

“I’m not going anywhere. Your Mom and I are gonna be right here in this house every step of the way,” he smiles at him, but you can see the pain in his eyes.

The fact that Travis would have to question whether or not he would stay with him during a time like this breaks his heart, and he knows that he’s going to have to start making changes and making them soon.

Soon enough, your Mother comes back with a tray full of food that Travis can only some of, and Lloyd is texting Denny to tell him that Travis is awake, only for Denny to come running in a few moments later with good news of his own.

“Hey Lloyd Jr.,” Denny smiles towards Travis, a few of his own happy tears falling. “The sooner you get better, the sooner we can get you back to the shooting range.”

“The shooting...?! LLOYD!” you shout as Travis starts laughing softly.

“I’m joking,” Denny laughs and you flip him off. “I do need to speak to the both of you though.”

“Mom-” “We’ll both be right outside the door, baby. I promise,” you smile at him before ushering both Lloyd and Denny out into the hallway. “Mom, listen to the doctor and stop trying to feed him,” you warn before closing the door behind you.

“He’s in the basement,” Denny tells the both you before you even have a chance to ask what’s going on.

“Is that fuck alive?” Lloyd practically growls and you say a silent prayer, BEGGING God that your Mother stays in Travis’ room.

Shes never seen him unhinged and the last thing you need is for this to be the first time she sees it.

“He’s alive. A bit beat up, the asshole put up a fight, but he’s alive. How do you wanna handle it?”

“Hummingbird, you go back in there with Travis and I’ll-”

“I want to go.”

“You don’t have to deal with this, Hummingbird. This is my mess. I did this.”

“That is a hell of a thing for you to say to me.”

Lloyd nods with a smirk before opening the door open a little and telling Travis, “we have to go down to the basement for a little bit, okay? Listen to your grandmother.” “You said you’d stay-”

“We’re all gonna stay in the house, we just need to have a talk in the basement. Behave yourself and we’ll watch whatever movie you want when we come back up, okay?” Lloyd tells him in a stern voice.

Daddy indeed.

As the three of you start on your way down the stairs and to the cellar, you’re nothing but amazed by how quickly both of their demeanor’s change. It’s not lost on you that Lloyd is extremely good at what he does, God knows he has more than enough crazy to do it, but this is the first time you’ve seen it in real time. He’s not coming home and telling you about a shitty mission, or fucking you until you can’t talk to get over a mission: you’re actually watching him work. You don’t mind watching him work, because the people he’s killing now...well, they deserve it.

Maybe that’s how you’ve been able to stomach his job for all these years.

You constantly told yourself that he was doing what he did, because whoever he was hurting deserved it. You’re not some naive idiot that thinks that government is pure and true in all of its activities, and you’re not dumb enough to think Lloyd is some saint at heart, but you also know him well enough that he’s loyal. Yeah, he cheated on you, but he also didn’t lie to you about it. He would do anything Denny asks and Denny wouldn’t ask unless he really needed it.

If Lloyd is Doc Holliday, Denny is definitely Wyatt Earp.

When you all reach the cellar, Denny and Lloyd are quick to grab guns before continuing down to the end of the hall.

“You sure about this, Hummingbird?” Lloyd asks, his hand on the doorknob.

“I’m stronger than I look,” you nod towards him.

Lloyd chuckles before opening the door, and once again, his demeanor changes almost instantly.

“Well well, looks like we’ve caught the ugliest fly in our little trap. Hello, Andrew,” Lloyd chuckles with a sinister smile.

Okay, maybe you should have stayed upstairs.

“Brought your little bitch so you could show off?” the man sputters out, spitting out blood all over himself.

“Awh c’mon! Our little game of cat and mouse wasn’t fun for you? I had a blast!” Lloyd smiles while feigning innocence at the same time.

“Should’ve killed you when I had the chance!”

“I’m really loving the fake optimism,” he chuckles, “because you and I both know that’s bullshit. You never had a chance, because you were never good enough,” he almost whispers as he makes his way over to the man that’s tied up to the bloody metal chair. “You weren’t good enough to take that mission on your own, you weren’t good enough to keep your fiancée or satisfy her, and you weren’t good enough to kill me or my family. You’re no daisy at all, you’re a waste of fucking time and your Mother would’ve been better off swallowing you. Maybe that’s the problem. Maybe you’re just a botched abortion,” Lloyd laughs before back handing the shit out of him.

All Andrew does in response is spit at Lloyd and it makes you laugh, because that’s one of Lloyd’s softer insults.

“If you didn’t want to be friends anymore, that’s all you had to say,” Lloyd sighs before backhanding him again.

“I thought I made that pretty fucking clear when your kid got shot,” Andrew sputtered with a dark laugh.

Maybe you’ve been around Lloyd too long, but that statement alone is all it takes for you to snap. You push past a mercenary, grab Lloyd’s pistol, flip it easily enough and pistol whip the asshole in the chair.

“Ah, I see the draw of you, you’re a feisty little bitch,” he chuckles darkly, sadistic grin coming to his face.

He’s a tough ignorant piece of shit. You’ll give him that.

“You know,” you start as you backup slowly, “I was gonna be nice and let Lloyd just kill you. Not as a courtesy to you, but because I’ve experienced so much shit in the last few days and I’m tired. However, I’ve had a change of heart. I think you I want you to experience just some of the pain I’ve gone through these past few days,” you smile at him before ripping off his pants (which was easy enough because of all of the damn holes in them), then turning to Lloyd. “Where are the cables?”

“Right over there, Hummingbird,” he smirks, nodding towards the wall while not even attempting to hide the fact that he’s turned on by the new side of yourself that you’ve discovered.

“You think I don’t know Lloyd’s torture tactics? I’ve worked with him, you ignorant bitch!” Andrews calls, coughing up blood.

“I’ve never seen a single thing Lloyd does, so this is all from my head,” you giggle as you clamp one of the cables down on his barely covered cock (his boxers have clearly taken a beating also).

“FUCK!”

“Don’t tell me you’re getting sensitive on me! I haven’t even done anything yet,” you pout as you attach the other clamp to the upper part of his inner thigh.

“Stop! Stop, I’m sorry, okay?!” the man pleads desperately.

Either you’re crazier than Lloyd, or this guy really didn’t expect you to be this broken up about him trying to kill the two most important people in your life.

Dumbass.

“You’re sorry? That’s...I’m so happy you’re sorry,” you laugh maniacally as you grab the electric cable box and hook cable cords to it.

“God, she’s such a little Devil, isn’t she?” Lloyd muses with a smile.

“Gun please?” you ask politely as you hold out your hand, and Lloyd is all too happy to give it to you.

“Please-”

“Too late to be a little bitch about it now,” you chuckle softly as you shoot him in the kneecap. “You’ll soon come to find that Lloyd is the least of the problems,” you promise as you shoot the other, popping it like a bloody zit.

You attach the cables to the electric box and turn it up to 60.

“Now, I’ve never done this before,” you smile innocently, “so this is gonna be an experiment for the both of us.”

You press the little black button and a small smile comes to your face as painful and pitiful cries leave Andrew’s mouth.

Alright, you’re starting to understand why Lloyd loves his job so much.

“You tried to kill my son!” you all but growl after you release the button.

“I didn’t tell them-”

“There’s no use in coming up with an excuse now,” you shrug before pressing the button again.

“PLEASE! PL...PLEASE!” he cries out and you hear Lloyd chuckle behind you. “STOP!!”

“Does it hurt?” you ask as you turn up the wattage. “Does it feel terrible?  I promise it doesn’t feel nearly as terrible as holding your child in your arms while he’s bleeding out.” “I’M....PLEASE!”

“Just a little bit longer,” you promise, still holding the button down giving Lloyd back his gun.

“Ll-Lloyd! MA...MAKE HER-”

“She’s the one running show,” he laughs not hiding any of the pleasure he finds in all of this.

“Before you die, I just want you to know the ounce of the pain I felt and that I’ve been feeling since all of this shit happened. Burn in hell you piece of shit,” you spit before finally letting go of the button.

“Please-”

“Finish him,” is all you tell Lloyd before dropping the little box.

“Lloyd-” “Goodnight, Dewdrop,” Lloyd smiles.

Once again, you don’t even flinch when you hear the gun go off. You just stand there and look at the lifeless mess in front of you. In that moment, it hits you. You finally understand how Lloyd feels and why he does what he does. No, it’s not perfect or ideal, but it helps a lot with all of the issues and anger that everyone tends to hide away. Of course, your anger was only concerning Travis and Lloyd, but you’re now able to understand how Lloyd’s line speaks to him.

Every bit of anger, understandable or not, was released in the work that he did. The shootings, the torture, the belittling, the self assured attitude...you understand it. Lloyd has always been unhinged, that’s never been lost on anyone, and this job is the only thing that keeps him from going off the rails completely.

No, you don’t want to take that away from him, but you also can’t keep living like this.

“Take him out and get rid of him,” Lloyd demands and it pulls you out of your thoughts. “You and I are gonna have a little talk later,” he whispers seductively before turning his attention to Denny. “Is this finished?”

“It’s done.”

“Good, we’re gonna get back upstairs to our son. He’ll be asking for you soon enough, so whatever work you have to do...”

“I’ll be up soon,” Denny smiles softly before addressing everyone else. “Clean this room out. I don’t want any traces of what happened these past few days. No residue; make what happened disappear. Disobey and there will be consequences.”

How the fuck are they able to fix their emotions so fast? You’re still ready to burn everything down.

Lloyd can sense your anxiety and grabs your hand, leading you out of the room before saying, “tonight, Hummingbird. I’ll take care of you and make all of this better.”

You both spend the rest of the day with Travis, Denny, and both sets of your parents (you try to get them to limit their time but neither are having it). Travis drifts in and out of sleep, which the doctor explains is to be expected. He’s stable and in good condition, but he’s been through a lot of trauma. The doctor also says that he’s gonna have a rough road to recovery. However, overall, things are looking up and you feel confident.

For the first time in a while, you feel like you can breathe again.

“We’re gonna be right across the hall, Honey,” you promise Travis as he grips your hand.

“What if-”

“I’ll never let anything like this happen to you again,” Lloyd promises him.

Usually, Lloyd hates when Travis gets emotionally and starts crying (it’s something you two have argued about in the past), but you’re more than happy to see that he understands that is a fair response to everything that happens. Yes, you know that Lloyd is a more than capable parent, but that doesn’t change the fact that he’s a dick most of the time.

“Mom?”

“I’ll be right across the hall with your Father, I promise. I’ll check on you before I go to bed.”

“We both will,” Lloyd assures him.

Travis doesn’t say anything, he just nods and you both make your way over to him and kiss him on the forehead.

“We love you so much,” you smile at him, giving his hand a soft squeeze.

“I love you...love you both,” he yawns as he quickly succumbs to sleep.

Both you and Lloyd quickly and quietly make your way out, and let out a breath you didn’t even know you were holding.

“He’s okay, Hummingbird. He’s going to be okay,” Lloyd tells you softly, kissing the top of your head as he takes your hand in his. “I want someone outside this door at all times. I don’t give a fuck if you have to take a shit, you don’t leave this spot until someone is here to take your place. Do you understand me?” he instructs one of the mercenaries.

“Yes sir.”

“If you fuck this up, Andrew will have gone through a walk in the park compared to what I’ll do to you.”

The mercenary gulped and Lloyd smiles in satisfaction.

“Good boy.”

You’re all set to go into the room that has been set up for you, but Lloyd’s grip on your hand tightens, and he’s pulling you into his room. It’s not lost on you that you can say no, but once again, you don’t want to.

“Don’t look at me like that,” you breathe, backing up until your back is against the wall.

“Like what?” he asks, kicking the door closed.

“Like I’m your prey.”

“Hummingbird, you’re my entire world,” he coos as he makes his way over to you.

“Lloyd, we can’t keep doing this. We haven’t...don’t,” you moan as he grips your neck and starts to caress it with his tongue.

“If you really want me to stop, I will,” he promises before pressing soft kisses up and down your neck. “If you don’t want me to ever touch you again, I won’t.”

“Lloyd,” you sigh with a moan, running your hands through his hair.

“I love you and I’m sorry. I’m sorry for all of this, but please,” he begs as he gets on his knees, unbuttoning your jeans, “please just think about taking me back.”

“Lloyd-”

“Think about it while I make you feel better,” he pleads before licking your clit.

At the end of the day, there’s nothing you won’t do for Lloyd, and taking him back...well, it can’t be too bad, can it? If there’s a way for you two to work it out, isn’t it worth giving it a shot? You both are still deeply and madly in love with each other, and you both-

“Shit!” you moan as quietly as you can as he curls the two fingers he has inside of you, grinding your pussy against his face a little.

All you’re doing is encouraging to pick up his pace, because Lloyd’s most favorite thing in the world is bringing you off.

“Pl...please,” you beg pathetically, gripping his hair tighter than you mean to, as you grab at nothing.

You force your gaze on him, and see that his gaze on you is both soft and intense. You don’t need him to vocalize that he’s begging for you. He needs you just as much (if not more) as you need him.

“I’m yours,” you whimper softly, “I’m yours !”

He pulls on your clit with his lips and that’s all it takes to send you over the edge. He takes his time cleaning you up, never breaking the gaze, before starting to kiss his way slowly up your body. The touch of his fingers are teasingly soft against your skin, and it makes you ache for him even more. The ghost of his lips on your collar bone make you whine in protest, and you hear him chuckle softly as he pulls on your black tank top, pulling just enough to expose your tits as he maneuvers the both of you to the bed.

“Baby!”

“Still the most beautiful woman I’ve ever laid my eyes on! Never gonna be without you again, Hummingbird,” he husk, getting you on the bed and on your back, before taking one of your nipples into his mouth, licking and sucking on it like he hasn’t had you time and time again over the last few days.

“I need you! Please!”

“Gotta keep quiet, Hummingbird,” he chuckles after releasing your nipple with a ‘pop’, while you undo his pants. “So fucking desperate!” “I need you inside me, baby! I always fucking need you!” you confess with a sob.

“I love you so fucking much,” he groans as he thrusts himself inside of you.

“FUCK!”

“Always such a warm fucking welcome, Hummingbird!”

“I want you...want you to show me...how much you love me,” you whimper, grinding your hips against his.

“I’ll take all night just to make sure you get the point,” he promises before pinning your hands above your head, “so, hang on tight.”

You both do your best to keep quiet, but it’s hard not scream out in pleasure every time Lloyd brings you off. It feels like the first time you two made love all over again. No, not the drunken chaos that was you two hooking up at the frat party, but the time after that.

“Lloyd,” you moan as he grips your hip tight, before he caresses then hooks it over his waist.

“I could listen to my name leave your mouth all fucking day,” he grunts as he fucks into you harder and faster. “I love you so fucking much! God, the greediest little fucking cunt!”

“I never...never wanna be without you again,” you confess softly as as your orgasm builds. “So...so full! Lloyd!”

“Do you need it, Hummingbird? Do you need it as bad as I do?”

“Fuck...yes! Yes please!” you sob as you dig your nails into his back, the feel of his breath on your neck pushing you even closer to your release. “Feels so good...having you...having you like this! All mine!”

“Forever!”

“Shit!” you cry out softly as as you squirt your release all on his cock and the bed.

“Such a good girl,” he husks as he shoots his load into you, coating your walls with his release.

There’s no use in fighting it anymore. There’s no use in telling him no.

“Lloyd,” you breathe as you come down from your high, trying to silence all the voices in your head telling you not to say what you’ve been thinking all day. “I’m not...I don’t know if we can ever be together again-”

“Hummingbird-”

“I’m not gonna lie to you and tell you something you want to hear just because we’ve had amazing sex these last few days. However,” you quickly continue before he has a chance to interject, “I’m not against trying.”

“Wait...what?”

“I love you and you love me. It’s not perfect, it’s messy, and there’s a lot to work on, but it’s worth working on. We’re worth working on.”

“Hummingbird, don’t say it if you don’t mean it.”

“I’m not promising you anything other than me trying. We’ll do our best and see how it works out. I want to make this work, Lloyd. I miss you and...I miss us. I wanna try again,” you confess reluctantly.

“Say it again,” he demands as he starts to move within you.

“I wanna try again,” you giggle with a moan, wrapping your arms around him again.

“Say it again,” he begs desperately.

“I wanna try again!”

“And to think, I was gonna give you the option of sleeping in the other room tonight,” he smirks and you burst out laughing.

You and Lloyd keep each other up for hours, repeatedly telling one another how much you love each other and how you’re both determined to make it work. When you both finally bow out, you letting Lloyd hold you close because it’s the only way you’ll feel like you’re home, you think about all you’ve told him in the last few days.

No, it’s not exactly what he wants to hear, but it’s honest and that’s what he wants more than anything. You’re not giving him false hope, and you’re also not giving him no hope.

You’re giving him just enough to go on.

As you rest your head on his chest, feeling safe and loved in his tight hold on you, you fall asleep praying that things can finally go how you’ve always wanted them to.

Hoping and praying that you and Lloyd have finally gone through enough shit to finally get it right.

**

1 Year Later

“Mom! Dad! Keep up!” Travis calls as he runs towards Cinderella’s castle.

“Why the fuck did we bring him to Disney?” Lloyd growls under his breath as giggle quietly.

“Because he almost died and now he gets everything he wants. Plus, it’s his birthday,” you smile at Lloyd before turning your attention towards your son, “we’re right behind you, sweetie!”

“Where the hell is Uncle Denny?!”

“TRAVIS!” you shout as Lloyd starts laughing.

You’re truly going to choke him out.

“Where is Uncle Denny?” Travis scowls as he rolls his eyes.

“Right here,” Denny chuckles as he throws out the cup that contained his drink.

Since the shooting, a lot has changed. Lloyd made good on his work and has stuck to desk work, only doing physical work when he absolutely has to, he’s been around for Travis and all of the activities he participates in, Denny comes around more (at Travis’ request), and you and Lloyd purchased a home together.

Much to your parent’s dismay.

“So you’re just gonna take him back? After everything?” your Mother questioned, standing in her kitchen with her arms folded across her chest.

“Please, I don’t need it.”

“You need to listen to your Mom, she’s just looking out for you,” your Father sighed before he took a sip of his whiskey.

“Yeah, I know, okay? If there’s anyone who knows, it’s me. I’m the one that fell in love with him, I’m the one who married him, had his kid, argued with him, cried over him, divorced him...it was all me! I don’t need anyone telling me how terrible he can be!”

“Yet, you’re going to get back with him?!” your Mother shouted.

“We’re not back together, it’s just for convenience. Travis feels safer this way-”

“Don’t bullshit a bullshitter, babygirl,” your Mother scoffed as she threw her cooking rag down.

“Can we not argue about this? I’m really not in the mood.”

“Y/N-”

“You never liked him anyway!”

“Him? His parents? How can you like him?! Let alone love him?!”

“He’s not as terrible as you think!”

“Didn’t slam you against a wall and choke you when Travis-”

“He didn’t hurt me! He never would!”

“Y/N, you’re not safe with-”

“Travis and I are safer with him than anyone else! Jesus, I’m not a child! I don’t need you both to agree with everything I do, I’m just trying to make you aware-”

“Did you know that they’re still people watching our house? Watching where we go?!”

“He’s just trying to keep you both safe-”

“Safe from what?!”

“FROM WHATEVER ENEMIES HE MAY HAVE!” you yelled, tired of the constant back and forth with them.

“Y/N,” your Father sighed, clearly tired and fed up, “if you’re going to be with Lloyd, we obviously can’t stop you. We’re both very aware of how much you love him, and you’ve always been too stubborn to listen. Just make sure that the life you have with him, is the life you really want. Yes, love is a hell of a drug, but don’t get too addicted to it. Don’t get too addicted to him,” he warned.

It’s not like you don’t know that they both were making valid points. Yes, Lloyd lives a dangerous life, and he’s 100% certifiable, but you also know that he’d do any and everything to keep you and Travis safe. From the moment Lloyd stepped foot into your life, he has become the center of your universe. All you ever wanted was a full and happy life with Lloyd, and unfortunately, that’s never going to change.

“Stop it,” you giggled as Lloyd hoisted you onto the counter, quickly ripping your panties off. “Travis is sleeping!”

“So be quiet,” Lloyd smirked as he got on his knees.

“Lloyd-”

“Do you like the furniture, Hummingbird?”

“Yes daddy,” you moaned as he easily and skillfully pulled down your panties.

“Is there anything you want that we don’t have, baby?” he asked as he massaged your clit with two fingers.

“No...Huckleberry!”

“Is there anything you need?”

“Only you, daddy. Only ever need you,” you sighed as he started to fuck you with his fingers.

Yes, you two had many sweet and romantic, you two never stopped being sluts for one another, but that doesn’t mean the arguments ever calmed down.

“I have done everything you’ve asked of me, Hummingbird!”

“You could just fucking quit!”

“We agreed to desk work-”

“Lloyd, stop it! Stop acting like I’m being unreasonable! It’s not safe-”

“Hummingbird, you promised me you’d try-”

“I have!”

“Its only been 4 months! Its been 4 months and you’ve been complaining since day one!”

“Lloyd-”

“I need you to meet me half way on this!”

“AND I NEED YOU TO QUIT!” you screamed before you stormed out.

“Y/N,” he growled as he followed after you, “stop being a fucking brat!”

“I’m being...then how about I just fucking leave?!”

“Stop it!” he demanded as grabbed your wrist. “You fucking told me you’d try, so you need to at least fucking try!”

“Let me go!”

“I will when you start behaving!”

“Behaving?! I’m not a child!’

“Then stop acting like one!”

“Lloyd, let me go or I swear to God-”

“What will you do, Hummingbird?! Hmm? Cause you’re not fucking leaving me!” he shouted as he slammed you against the wall.

“Stop it!”

“You have to fucking try! Stop threatening to leave every time something doesn’t go your fucking way! Stop trying to bully into doing whatever the fuck you want!” he demanded hotly as he undid your jeans.

“Lloyd-”

“You don’t want to leave, you want to get your way, and daddy’s told you about being a spoiled little brat, hasn’t he?” he husked as he forced your pants down, before he slid his hand down your panties.

“You’re such a fucking asshole,” you moaned before slapping him.

“Don’t be a little bitch, Humming!” he growled as he started fucking you with his fingers.

“Fuck!”

“You need daddy to be rough with you, is that it? It’s been so long since I’ve treated you like my own little fuck toy, I forget just how much fucking need it!”

“Lloyd-”

“What’s my fucking name?!” he snapped before slapping you with his other hand, while fucking you faster with his fingers.

“Fuck!”

“You better not fucking cum until I say so! Now what’s my fucking name?”

“DADDY!” “Good girl,” he chuckled as he removed his fingers.

“DADDY!”

“I’m gonna spend all night reminding you who is in charge. Lucky for us, Travis is spending the night with his grandparents, so feel free to be as loud as you want, Hummingbird,” he smirked as he shoved his fingers into your mouth. “I think we’ll start with you sucking me off until I’m satisfied and we’ll work our way up from there. Sound good, Hummingbird?”

It’s not surprising that sex is what always brings you both back down to earth, instead of yelling and throwing things, because the whole thing started because of a college hookup. No, it’s not necessarily healthy, but it helps get you two to someplace. Plus, you’ll never turn down sex Lloyd. That’s just as a good as it is bad as far as you’re concerned.

No, it’s not always a walk in the park, but you and Lloyd do your best to make it work. Lloyd holds his tongue when you do or say something he doesn’t like, he tries his best to not take charge of everything, and he finally fucking listens to you. What makes you happy, what makes you anxious, what your fears and doubts are, and what want for the both of you.

In return, you try your best to to control your temper. You don’t yell when he stays late, you don’t go silent when he has to do physical work, you don’t shut him out when he makes you upset, and you don’t resort to petty activity when he pisses you off. You both make an active effort to be better than you two were before because, after staying up for hours and talking about it, you both know that you two won’t last long and it’ll make Travis’ life harder.

It hasn’t been the easiest year, but its been worth it.

“Are you happy?” Lloyd asks as Travis drags Denny off in the direction of the ride.

“Yeah, I think I’m pretty happy,” you chuckle softly. “It’s not always easy, but it’s much better than it was before.”

“Yeah, Hummingbird? You feel like you can tough it out?”

“I don’t see why not,” you smile at up at him. “We’re better than we were before, we’re happier, we’ve grown and learned more about ourselves and each other...I think we needed some time apart to get to a good place.”

“I love you, Y/N.”

“I love you too, Lloyd. So much more than you’ll ever know.”

“Yeah? Then you wanna do me a favor?” he smirks as he gets down on one knee.

“Huckleberry...”

“You have been the center of my universe since I first laid eyes on you, and I knew that you were the one for me. It hasn’t been easy, and we’ve both made mistakes along the way, but we’re still standing. Yeah, this relationship isn’t always a daisy, but it’s no thorn either. I have never felt this way about anyone, and I’m sure I never will again. I want inch of you, every day, for the rest of my life. The good and the bad, the ups and downs, the happy and the miserable. So, I’m hoping that you’ll do me the honor of marrying me...again,” he chuckles as you dry your eyes.

“I’ll marry you over and over, again and again, every day for the rest of this life and the next,” you laugh as he places a new hummingbird ring on your finger.

It’s amazing how quickly everything goes from wrong to right in your world.

“HANSEN!” a man yells as he goes to pull out his gun.

Lloyd is quicker, pulling you down and covering you, before pulling his own gun out and firing off two shots.

You would be in love with someone who gets into a fucking gunfight at Disney.

It takes a moment, all the screaming and running only add to your anxiety, but Lloyd’s hold on you is tight enough that you know he’s okay. You look over and see Denny covering Travis, and let out a breath of relief.

“Are you-”

“I want you out of this, Lloyd. If we’re going to be together and be a real family, I want out of this for good.”

The look in Lloyd’s eyes lets you know that he’s truly on the fence about what choice to make. Does he leave the life that makes him and try something to keep you and Travis safe and happy, or does he walk away from you and all hes ever wanted?

For once in his life, you can truly see that Lloyd doesn’t know what the hell to do, and you don’t know if you’re scared for him or yourself.

~~

taglist: @maroonsunrise83​, @autumnrose40​, @fuckingbye​, @companionjones​, @emerald-evans​ , @whiskeytangofoxtrot555​, @mazda098​, @pono-pura-vida​, @nomadstucky​

[kiyareverie]

I still don’t even know how to write these openings but y’all don’t seem to care about them anyways 😅

I plan on making this a 7 or maybe 8 part series and I’ll make a new post daily about it so enjoy I guess 👽 (Also, this is continuing on my little series of Gaz and Y/N. Iykyk. If not you’ll find it on my page eventually)

"A Day with Simon"

It was rare for Gaz to take a vacation, but after much prodding from Price and Soap, he had reluctantly agreed to take a week off to unwind. That left Y/N in the care of Simon Riley—better known as Ghost.

While Y/N adored everyone on the team, spending a whole day with Ghost was a bit intimidating. He wasn’t as openly playful as Soap or as easygoing as her dad. Still, when Gaz told her he’d left her in the best hands, she decided to trust him.

---

“Alright, kid,” Simon said, his voice calm but firm as he crouched down to her level. His skeletal mask covered most of his face, but his eyes were soft. “What do you want to do today?”

Y/N shuffled her feet, glancing up at him. “Um… what do you like to do, Uncle Simon?”

Simon blinked, caught off guard. No one had ever asked him that. “Well… I like quiet. And tea.”

Y/N tilted her head. “That sounds boring.”

He let out a short chuckle. “Fair enough. What do you want to do?”

Her face lit up. “Can we go to the park?”

---

The park was bustling with families, kids playing on swings, and dogs chasing balls. Y/N ran ahead, her laughter carrying on the wind as she climbed up the jungle gym. Simon trailed behind, his hands tucked into his pockets, keeping a watchful eye on her.

“Uncle Simon, look!” Y/N called, hanging upside down from the monkey bars.

Simon crossed his arms, his posture relaxed but attentive. “Careful, kid. Don’t want you breakin’ your neck.”

She giggled and dropped to the ground, running back to him. “I’m not scared. Daddy says I’m tough.”

Simon smirked under his mask. “Tough, huh? Alright, let’s test that.”

---

After the park, Simon took Y/N to a quiet café he knew, one tucked away from the main streets. He ordered tea for himself and a hot chocolate for her, along with a plate of pastries.

Y/N sipped her drink, her legs swinging under the table. “Uncle Simon, why do you wear your mask all the time?”

Simon paused, his hands wrapped around his cup. “It’s just something I do. Makes me feel comfortable.”

“Do you ever take it off?”

He leaned forward slightly, his eyes narrowing playfully. “Not for just anyone, kid.”

Y/N giggled, taking a bite of her pastry. “I think you’re cool, even with the mask.”

Simon shook his head, a rare smile tugging at his lips. “You’re a funny one, you know that?”

---

The rest of the day was spent wandering the town. Simon showed her a few of his favorite spots—a bookstore where he browsed through old novels while Y/N flipped through picture books, and a quiet trail near the outskirts where they walked side by side, the sound of leaves crunching underfoot.

Y/N picked up a stick along the way, swinging it like a sword. “Uncle Simon, do you think I could be a soldier like you one day?”

Simon glanced down at her, his expression thoughtful. “If that’s what you want. But it’s not an easy life, Y/N. You’ve got to be tough in ways that aren’t always fun.”

She nodded solemnly, then grinned. “I’m gonna be the toughest ever.”

He chuckled. “I don’t doubt it.”

---

When the day ended, Simon walked her back to Gaz’s place. Y/N was yawning by the time they reached the door, clutching a small book Simon had bought her at the store.

“Did you have fun today?” he asked, kneeling down to look her in the eye.

She nodded, smiling sleepily. “You’re not so scary, Uncle Simon.”

Simon snorted. “Glad to hear it.”

She leaned forward and wrapped her arms around his neck in a tight hug. “Thank you for spending the day with me.”

For a moment, Simon hesitated, unsure of what to do. Then he gently hugged her back. “Anytime, kid.”

As he watched her disappear inside, Simon felt something unfamiliar but warm settle in his chest. Maybe spending time with a little ray of sunshine like Y/N wasn’t so bad after all.

I hope there wasn’t a typo-

Erm- part 1/8 ig. I think I’ll leave links on them. I promise (with fingers crossed behind my back)

[4townie]

Road to 4☆TOWN

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

“Selina, this is weird.” Robaire looked around uncomfortably. “I don’t know the first thing about wedding dresses. Why didn’t you just bring your dance sisters?”

“I did. We went last week and they were being really annoying.” Selina rolled her eyes. “You think you don’t know anything about wedding dresses, but you’ve got a great fashion sense. Nobody rocks a pair of boots like you do.”

Robaire was quiet for a moment. “You really think I’m a fashionista?”

“Please.” Selina laughed. “Jesse told me about all your wild shopping sprees on tour. Besides, you talk shit about other people’s clothes all the time. You literally did it on our way over here.”

“Oh come on, that guy was wearing socks with sandals and it looked like he’d just slept in that shirt and rolled out of bed.” Robaire crossed his arms defensively. “How can someone go out and not at least look presentable?”

“Exactly why I brought you.” Selina smirked.

Robaire blushed and groaned.

Just then, the consultant approached them. “Hi, are you Selina Cruz?”

“Yup, that’s me.” Selina smiled brightly.

“Great! My name’s Paisley, I’ll be your—” She froze with wide eyes. “A-Are you Robaire? As in Robaire from 4☆TOWN?”

“Well, formerly of 4☆TOWN as of ten days ago.” Robaire reminded her with a charming smile. “I always love meeting my fans.”

“Oh my god, it’s so amazing to meet you.” Paisley started to blush. “I was honestly kinda devastated when I heard about the disbandment. And then elated when I found out you were going solo, I mean WOW you’ve got such an amazing voice.” She started giggling. “A-And then I was devastated again when I found out Jesse was unavailable. Gonna have to let go of that fantasy.”

Robaire’s smile turned awkward. “Oh no.”

“Uh, hi.” Selina waved to get her consultant’s attention. “Remember me? The bride?”

“Oh right, sorry.” Paisley turned back to her. “So do you wanna tell me a little bit about your fiancé? Maybe give me a wedding date?”

“You actually already know my fiancé.” Selina said almost apologetically. “I’m marrying Jesse O’Neill, formerly of 4☆TOWN.”

Paisley stared at her for a moment. She glanced at Robaire as if asking him to confirm.

“Uh, yeah. She’s his fiancé…and the mother of his kids.” Robaire nodded in confirmation.

Paisley looked between him and Selina. She turned red and started to laugh nervously. “I’ll, uh…I’ll be right back. I have to talk to my manager.” She rushed off.

“Well that was extremely awkward.” Robaire noted.

“Yeah, but we’re still off to a better start than my last appointment.” Selina crossed her arms. “They looked at me like I had five heads when I told them I was Jesse’s fiancé. As if he didn’t literally just announce he was getting married.” She rolled her eyes.

“I mean,” Robaire glanced in the direction Paisley ran off in, “I guess you’re not the first person to make that claim.”

———

Hey y’all sorry for the wait😅 I’m actually working on my own graphic novel and it’s taking up a lot of time and creativity so updates will be slow, I’m not giving up on Rt4

[le-trash-prince]

Please tell me your opinion on pregnant Babe? I’m curious

I enjoy the bit, but personally I’m not into pregnancy in any aspect, so I’m not pinning my hopes on actually seeing Babe be pregnant onscreen.

I haven’t finished the novel yet, so I can’t say whether I feel like it would match Babe’s character or not. With that said, I do know that people’s decisions on wanting to get pregnant can change—I’ve seen it with a person I’m close to who said they never wanted to have children, pregnancy was a big fear of theirs, and then they changed their mind after a miscarriage, where they went through genuine grief at the loss and ended up trying for a kid (and having one) after that. And I love their kid to death. I still don’t want to have one or raise one myself, but I can accept that their experience is different from mine.

Which is to say—if Babe were to change his mind because his life has changed, I wouldn’t find it unrealistic. Just because I can’t relate doesn’t mean I can’t understand.

But even still, like, I can’t even look at people’s baby bump pictures on socials, I have to cover the screen—I’m so serious when I say pregnancy makes me uncomfortable LMFAO. Y’all are not gonna catch me asking to see Pavel with a baby bump, as much as I think he’d enjoy it himself.

I do really love the thought of Babe and Charlie adopting Andy tho, esp after they told Andy they’d help him in S1. I think Pit Babe has a lot to say about found family, and it would be nice to see that continue in S2. We’ve seen how damaging and abusive foster parents like Tony can be, so I would like to see the flipside of that, with Babe and Charlie adopting a kid with the intention of giving them a loving home.

But I also love how a large portion of the fandom treats pregnant Babe like a chew toy that they won’t let go of, it’s a lot of fun imo. I’m capable of covering the screen when there’s something I don’t want to see.

tl;dr I don’t have a personal need to see pregnant Babe or any pregnant character in anything ever, but I do think these conversations are part of what define Pit Babe fandom.

[nsk96]

Hey y’all,

I’m gonna go on hiatus again for a month, avoiding all social media. Making a proclamation like this seems to be the only thing that is effective “enough” (meaning that at some point, I’ll probably break the vow of staying away, but a few days away is better than none).

I’ve been struggling with my mental health due to everything in my life being too overwhelming for me to handle, which you can probably tell by how many times I vented for January. As a result, I’ve resorted to doom-scrolling across 3 different apps (Tumblr included) to help me feel better temporarily.

Overall though, it makes me feel much worse because I feel guilty about wasting time and procrastinating, and I’ve lost quite a few hours that I could have used for studying. (As if I wasn’t procrastinating enough without social media. Without social media, my procrastination has always been 4 walls and my thoughts, and whatever activity I could do at whatever ungodly hour of the night).

Then I’m also saddened by the fact that writing my fan fictions or novels, or even reading, would have been healthier coping mechanisms. And I’m always frustrated about not having time for these things (though the writing is understandable because I can’t write when I’m mentally burnt out…and I’m past burnt out since 2022).

I’ll probably still stop by to vent since this site is my safest mode of diary-keeping. I will miss you all, my mutuals and followers and seeing your posts and your tags under your reblogs💙

It will also sting to be cut off from my only sources of news for such a long period, but maybe it will allow me to focus more on the crisis here at home until I finish prepare my first-aid/medical kit, go-bag, and escape plan. I still have classes to get through and then I start rotations near the end of March.

I don’t know how long things at home will be “stable” enough. I found out from my mom a couple days ago that my dad found the handgun that was hidden (the one mentioned on a previous diary entry). Neither of us has asked him about it. We just know that it’s no longer where it was and neither of us have moved it.

Whatever happens, just know that I’m determined to come back and determined to live as long as the universe wills it. Toodles for now, stay safe, stay hydrated, stay awesome ❤️

(My dad has been discreetly digging through their room searching for the handgun for so long that it was only a matter of time until he found it. Another instance of my mom not listening to me. I told her the day that she and I previously found it, to let me store it in my room but she refused. Now he has it. I don’t know what she was thinking making it easy for him like that)

[simplykatarinas-blog]

Let me know what u think!

this contains LN12 spoilers ⚠️

I wonder when the next light novel will come out. I feel like in the next LN they will continue showing that katarina still thinks of her past life family and misses them like they showed in LN12 this was showed by her dreams, fever, and what keith told us ( katarina having frequent fevers when she was younger and saying their names when she was asleep )

There’s also the fact that jeffrey tells geordo how katarina could turn evil if she falls in the wrong hands and how the mastermind might be targeting her. And there’s also how Keith is scared that she might disappear??? Like that has to be some sort of foreshadowing. I also wonder if anyone is gonna find her secret out since we know that geordo and keith (and maybe some of the others) know that she’s been hiding some sort of secret. I also wonder if the mastermind somehow knows about katarina being reincarnated and that’s why he’s targeting her.

Anyways, what are some theories y’all have I would love to hear them !!

[lady-grace-pens]

Foad Excerpt [7]

It’s been a whole ass month since I shared a raw snippet lmao oops

I got my writing mojo back and I’m making good progress though! I just hit 31k today ☺️ Here’s a snippet in honor of it. It’s probably longer than what I should be sharing, but fuck it! In honor of the milestone, we ball.

All fluff between Emily, Arthur, and Ilya as they relax at a garden party being held at the uni. This is actually one of my favorite scenes so far. I almost shared the more angsty, climactic half of it but I just shared some angst in the word search tag I did a few days ago. Plus I don’t want to spoil too much ;)

Taglist: @wordwizards @flowerprose

•••

I run my fingers along the sides of a heaping glass of sweet tea bought from the refreshments table. Arthur, at my request, fans me with Ilya’s book—a copy of an old Russian novel none of us are familiar with. It isn’t long before he fumbles with his pockets, taking out a silver coin. Be flips it in the air before sliding it across the table. “A penny for your rose, Ilya, what do you say?”

Ilya pushes all his spare flowers towards us. “Take ‘em all. I’m done anyway.”

Arthur plucks a rose from his pile. Using a pocket knife, he cuts the stem little over halfway, and whittles away all the remaining thorns. Meanwhile, Ilya weaves the last stem into his crown.

“Lovely work.”

Arthur glances up from his work. “Quite. How’d you learn something like that anyway? Pardon if I’m wrong, but you don’t strike me as the artistic type of fellow.”

“I’m not. I picked it up to surprise Cal.”

“Aw, isn’t that lovely? You know, that reminds me of a bloke I once knew back in secondary. This was after I went back. Big sort of school, so new kids weren’t at all uncommon. But this fellow—he was the beefy sort of type, you know. Rugby player. Thing is, he had the most demanding witch of a girlfriend…”

The rest of their talk melts into a slush pooling at the sides of my sweating tea glass. The rich brown liquid is a prism catching the few strands of sunlight that peek beneath our umbrella. On the table, it projects glimmering visions of Matthieu’s eyes.

His absence hasn’t been lost on me. I must’ve given him a dozen reminders of this event within the past three days alone. My hair has gone white stressing the significance to him, not that he isn’t already aware. The Agricultural Society is the backbone of Ravnna’s funding. Our pride. This is their chance to display the fruits of their monumental care for their craft. If not for the sake of nature, I would’ve at least expected him to at least come for that. The fact that it means something to the people he cares about. But low and behold, what does the man text me this morning?

“Sorry babe I’m gonna be late. Y’all go without me.”

A simple line without a rhyme nor reason. While a late entrance would be superior to his complete absence, I’m still expecting a strong excuse.

I check my phone. Nothing new. Only the time shifting.

“Haven’t heard from Matt, have you?” Ilya asks.

I cross my arms. “He told me he’d be late, but he never said how late. God only knows if he’s planning to show up at all.”

“Depends on how bad his uncle needs him.”

“That’s what he blew this off for?” I slam my wedges against the ground. “Fuck. I’m happy it’s not anything else, but… Dear Lord. They act like those trees are going to sprout legs and walk away.”

Arthur and Ilya share a laugh.

“You act like he didn’t tell you or somethin’.”

“He didn’t.”

“Logger, isn’t he?” Arthur takes a sip of my tea.

“Yes. Also that’s my drink.”

“But I bought it with my money, love. Technically it’s mine.”

I twirl my hair and give him my richest fake laugh. He rests his elbow on the back of my chair, all pride and playfulness. Speaking again. I fall deadpan.

“Careful with the roses, love, some of them have thorns.”

Arthur, unchanging, returns to his pruning. “And some like to think their thorns are much sharper than they realize.”

Ilya breaks out in a fit of laughter. I’m shocked he isn’t falling with how harshly he’s leaning back.

“Oh quit your laughter over there!” I snatch one of the thorn-laden stems Arthur broke off and throw it at him. “It wasn’t that funny.”

“Yes it was.”

Your smile says it all, dearest,” purrs Arthur.

“You—“ I slap his shoulder. “Shut up! This isn’t a smile. Even if it was, it’s surely from the heat and nothing else. God knows that joke was so dry, I can hear my Grandpappy coughing.”

Ilya keels over the chair next to him. “Oh my God, Em.”

Arthur, groaning, buries his head in his hands. At this point, I can’t resist my lips springing up like the flowers surrounding us.

“Lord almighty, this entire conversation has to be cleansed.”

“Hand me my book, Em,” asks Ilya as his hand pops up from the table.

My lungs birth a half-formed laugh that more so resembles a breath of air. I throw his book across the table.

“Too lazy to fetch it yourself, huh?”

“Damn right.”

Arthur clears his throat. Between his fingers, he twirls the freshly cut, dethroned English rose. He says nothing but wears a smile—go figure. Is there some sort of question he’s expecting me to answer? Perhaps a continuity error between the strands of silk petals? Before I can ask him such, he raises the rose to my ear, intertwining it with my curls.

“Love,” he says while his breath, like the late summer sun, tantalizes my skin. “Won’t you take a walk with me? For the better part of an hour, all you’ve done is sit here waiting for the likes of some guy to show up. Take a look at where you are, darling, we’re in paradise! I don’t want to see you wasting any more time not savoring it.”

My heart is exiled to my guts, where it becomes a feast for the wriggling maggots churning my intestines. I reach for my phone. If Matthieu catches me alone with him… The thought of that possibility is enough to bring me chills. It’s best if I wait here for him, really, but… without any news of his arrival… I could very well be damned to this chair for another hour before I get so much as a text claiming he’s on his way. In the grand scheme of things, what is a brief little distraction?

[tales-from-the-larson-library]

If Nine Ball by Zach Bryan was a Novel

“God damn it boy,” I hear my father yell from the bar stool he sits on, “Can’t you shoot any better than that?”

Sighing, I take a step back from the table. His anger is faked, but my frustration is real. 

I glance up at the clock, two minutes to midnight. Hopefully the gruff looking man across from me doesn’t sink the three. 

I watch closely as he lines up his shot and notice that he’s not taking the table’s lean into account. He’s going to miss. 

I smirk as I watch the ball go array. 

“You think something funny over there?” He asks me when he looks up from the table. 

“No sir,” I reply solemnly. 

He takes a step back and continues to grumble as I analyze the table. Dad said sink the three at midnight, and it looks like the stars aligned for the old man. I pull back and send the que speeding towards the three. 

They bounce off each other with a satisfying click and the three flies straight into the corner pocket. 

I hear my dad let out a roar of a laugh from the corner. 

“You see that? I told ya! I told all y’all he’d sink the three at twelve,” He looked at the men around him expectantly. “Well, pay up.”

“You're a shark Phil,” The one with the long beard says as he throws a wad of cash at dad. 

Dad shakes his head and laughs, “I’m no shark. I’m not the one up there playing am I?”

“No but you might as well be,” the bearded man says, “Someone had to teach him.”

“He taught himself. I just let him know what would be most beneficial to his Daddy. Another round Marcus!” 

The owner of the bar Marcus Jones looks my way and offers a wink before going off to do what dad asked him. 

There is the sound of something breaking and Marcus comes back around to the bar. 

“Hey, Joey, I seem to have some trouble carrying everything your Daddy wants, mind coming back to help?”

I drop my stick to the ground and race to the bar.

“Don’t drop that! We just bought it and you’re gonna tear it up. We can’t afford another one.”

I ignore Dad and follow Mr. Marcus into the kitchen. Mrs. Jane and their granddaughter, Faith, are surrounded by trays of cookies. I can’t help but to stare down the tray that just came out of the oven. 

“Go ahead and take some sweetie,” Mrs. Jane says, “Faith and I were doing some stress baking. We made more than us, the boys, or May, are going to be able to eat.”

I reach over and grab a handful, singeing my fingers in the process. I manage a garbled “Thank you,” around the cookie in my mouth.

“You are always welcome here dear,” Mrs. Jane tells me, “You, Faith, and Luke are all close in age so you know each other from school, and I know the rest of the boys like you.”

“I like when you visit,” Faith pipes up glancing over to her grandmother, “They let me break a plate!” She announces seeming very proud of herself.

“And if you tell your parents it’ll be the last time.”

Faith shoots her grandmother a grin before grabbing a cookie and joining me in my corner of the kitchen. 

“So, why are you here?”

[harapeveco]

hi! i have no doubt in mind you're not just coming up with the whole name deal, i just think your sources may be unreliable. you've stated before that you've been told that in chapter 26 of knk it's gonna be revealed if tobi's a high school dropout, and that wasn't true. i also wanted to let you know unmei isn't a name? unless it's read differently... i do believe you've got this info somehow, but i think it'd be nice if you checked the reliability of your sources before spreading misinformation

Ok bc you were actually nice I will say where I got it but first of regarding the whole chapter 26 yeh that was a mistake on my part I was told by someone that on the kara no kioku server someone said Tobi is a hs dropout and one of the translators responded to that with “spoiler” so yeh you cant blame me for thinking about it

Now about the source…I didn’t want to say it bc the page where I got this states “unauthorized copying and reproduction of posted content is prohibited” and I know newer Eve fans don’t have respect for that sort of thing and just start sharing shit without caring but it is a legit webpage. To get there you have to insert a code that comes in either the manga or the novel I actually don’t remember which one it was and I believe it’s up until June or July this year. It’s full of Rei sketches and a character concept art of Yuu and Tobi, both of them with the words “Unmei” and “Kaworu” above their color palettes, which I assumed were their concept art names

Like I said before if no one wants to believe me that’s on them but calling me a liar is a little bit much. I try to give all the Eve info I can get on for y’all so you can get enjoyment out of it there’s not reason for me to lie and if I do then the most likely reason is bc I got it wrong (which by any means you can let me know) or if it is April fools. Remember I’m a person with feelings too and I hate lying and liars so being called one really makes me feel like shit

[burninlovebutler]

GAH i didn't wanna do this bc im a gemini & i talk a lot if im unsupervised lol BUT YALL WERE POSTIN SOME SAPPY SHIT SO I WANTED TO JOIN (so sorry this is gonna be so long i apologize in advance)

this wasn't initially the road i was gonna take while talking about this but ofc if u read any of my writing or know me in any capacity, it shouldn't surprise you that we're getting sad lol

as i stood next to my partner watching the midnight fireworks last night, i had a fleeting thought -

16 year old me didn't think i'd still be here at 26 -

i didn't expect to still be on this earth in 2023

when i was around that age my home life was really shitty and abusive and lonely and my only saving grace at the time was the family i found within the one direction/5sos fandom. there were so many times then that my fandom friends saved me, literally.

i wouldn't be here today without them.

i stopped being in fandoms around 2016 and while i still have MANY long term close friends from that time, we all have gone our separate ways interest wise.

I didn't realize just how much i missed being a part of a community until i joined tumblr again. the austin/elvis fandom welcomed me with open arms & filled me with that same youthful joy and connection as i had when i was 16. and even BETTER bc this fandom has blown me away with how kind and gentle and loving it is

point is - i’m grateful that i AM still here, that i’ve been here long enough to meet you and experience this amazing fandom.

it's insane to me to think i would've never met some of the brightest stars of my days without walking into that theater that day. my year would've been so empty, lonely and sad without you all, so thank you all from the bottom of my cold lil heart - you all showed up in my life when i needed u the most

(something weird about this 1D -> Elvis/Aus pipeline is that when i went back to see the day i saw the movie the first time it was on July 23, aka the 1D anniversary 👀 lil weird)

i initially made this blog solely for my fanfic but i'm glad i branched out - though i still wanted to take the time to anyone who's interacted w my writings, even if it was just help with plot or moodboards. my heart skips a beat when my writing is a point of conversation.

thank you to the beauties who grace my dash everyday, even if we don't talk often 💖

@feverkitten @p-oolshark @pearlparty @avengen @presleys @mrsniallhoran505 @missmaywemeetagain @marooosa @eliseinmemphis @elvisabutler @lovininapinkcadillac @aconflagrationofmyown @austinsmutler @heartbrake-hotel @dre6ming @flwrs4aust @rosaminny @presleysdarling @woundmetender @rainydayz101 @ggwritesstuff @golden-kiwis @lattedreamer @weak-aesthetic @bcofl0ve

and of course to my almost daily babes, my days would be so empty without you all and my heart would be so deflated - i never thought i'd end up with a group like this

@succsessions @lllsaslll @cryingabtab @elvisfatass @loving-elvis @nora-nexus-34 @lavenderelvis @luluthesandgoose @powerofelvis @bisexualwvtson @samfangirls @lindszeppelin @infatuatedharleys @ab4eva @sagesolsticewrites @slowsweetlove @areacodefan @jelliedonut @steph-speaks @star-shard @foreverdolly @purejasmine @oh-my-front-door

and how could i ever forget the two that really roped me in @karamelcoveredolicity @troubleinapinksuit - even though it was through war, violence & lawsuits (lol) that our love was carved from, it is the most magical. i am so honored and so grateful to call you friends

one of my biggest goals for 2022 was to make new friends - ones who are reliable, kind, like-minded, supportive, generous, loving - because i was feeling so lonely & unloved, and to my surprise this goal was met ABUNDANTLY by you all, i really can not stress how much you all mean to me

extra special shout out to @bisexualwvtson for setting up the christmas card exchange, it was probably my favorite part of this holiday season - those cards made my whole christmas and i will cherish them forever

i love you all so much its DISGUSTING how much i love you - i don’t know how i would’ve made it through this year without you all - and it makes me so fucking sad when i think about all the memories that wouldn’t have happened without austin/elvis/you guys - it is because of you all that i have some of the best and happiest memories of this year, thank you ❤️

i hope that we are together for a long long time - i know that i am, i’m here for the long haul 💗 pls be in the nursing home with me breaking hips to Elvis songs

love, mel xx

(I APOLOGIZE IF IVE MISSED ANYONE I TRIED MY BEST TO REMEMBER EVERYTHING MY BRAIN IS TRASH SO IM SO SORRY PLS DONT BE OFFENDED IF I MISSED U I LOVE U)

[soggywert]

Top Gun: Maverick hcs that live in my head rent free (based off of imos and me and my life) Pt 4

you heard it here and now folks, it’s part 4! I have more commitment to this series than to my homework. yall are lucky af

- mav can and will flirt with anyone in any given situation; he will give petnames out the more the other reacts (cyclone getting pressed being called honey)

- maverick has a favourite spoon he always uses to eat  breakfast with. it is patterned, and is from the last set he received from his parents before they passed. it means a lot to him, so if you use it, he’ll state: ‘that’s my spoon’ and then proceed to stare at you for the rest of the day. only ice knows this. everyone else just comments on not to use that spoon or else.

- the spoon has made him superstitious, so if he cannot use it for breakfast (when he does have breakfast...) it instantly means that he will have a shit day.

- maverick is usually a black coffee guy. straight black coffee. most mornings? just that. sometimes a proper meal if ice or roos nags enough, but mainly just coffee. ice has either an iced coffee (wow aren’t i original) or a latte.

- maverick, after showers, uses his towel to do his hair up to dry it quicker. his hair is too short for that, but he’s been doing to long enough that it’s too awkward to tell him that it won’t work it’s also just funny to see him walk out of a door with a towel wrapped around his head like if he had just come from a salon

- phoenix is everyone's best friend. if you don’t like her; you’re a walking target and that one is on you. she’s a fucking queen and y’all can’t tell me different.

- phoenix is also a great therapist friend, though, sometimes you gotta just give her a hug so she’s reminded that you’re just as there for her as she is you.

- hangman has dyslexia, but is too good at masking it until it comes to writing reports on paper. it’s his worst nightmare, so he usually gets help from rooster by saying what he is thinking and rooster helps write down the important parts for hangman to write on his own

- iceman is a sucker for romance novels and picks up random quotes in them to write on a piece of paper for mav to find, read and collect (based off of a hc @justmiilo made with our ocs)

- mav loves animals; he will be at a party and only hang out with the pet there; he will be dragged around by ice or goose to meet people, before departing back to the pet - loves dogs frfr

- ice is a cat person ice has said: “honestly i am more of a cat boy” the rest of the juniors trying not to cackle: youre a cat boy??

- rooster got mav high once and gave him a flipping heart attack (not actually) mav: bradley is this how im supposed to be feeling i dont know if ive hit right rooster: chill man just relax, youre gonna give yourself a heart attack mav, now really panicking: im gonna have a heart attack???? rooster: no thats not what i- mav: UN-HIGH ME RIGHT NOW BRADLEY PLEA-

- Mav is banned from most public spaces especially train stations. very specific, but he’s made it a thing that he has to get banned from as many stations as possible

- ice and mav cuddling includes mav squaring up to be the big spoon but then melting in ice’s arms when he gets to be little spoon

- mav loves captain jack harkness from doctor who/ torchwood

- hangman complains about when he kisses rooster, his moustache gets in the way, but secretly, he doesnt mind it

- ice took mav to a wine couple art class (based off of the idea that ice can draw from my other hcs) and mav drank the wine while ice did the art

- mav helped bob get out of his comfort zone, to start not wearing a shirt around the beach (based off of the trans!mav and trans!bob hcs) so now they go visit the beach together sometimes to help grow each others confidence (like if mav needs anymore). theyve both had top surgery so

- goose has had a soccer phase, and would make the crew go into teams of two after volleyball to kick the ball around. he loved playing attack, so he could be in the front seat of the action for once.

- mav joined in, but was soon told to just stay in his teams box, because he would run all the way across the field to tackle the ball off of someone yes, soccer doesn’t allow tackling, but mav never got the message in his head, so they just added it to their games. mav then proceeded to become the most tackled person there.

- slider and ice are the biggest supporters of one anothers careers; they see each other like brothers so much it is crazy.

- mav and slider ride their bikes together (slider has a harley)

- ice usually goes out collecting either a drunk slider or a drunk mav off the side of the road

- THIS IS A POPULAR ONE BUT HC THAT ICE RARELY EVER GETS SICK, SO WHEN HE DOES IT TAKES EVERYONE BY SURPRISE - MAV ALSO GETS SICK OFTEN, BUT ITS NEVER THAT BIG. WHEN ITS MORE SERIOUS, EVERYONE IS ONTO HIM TO TRY LOOKING AFTER HIMSELF

- mav teaches the team MA fighting. he dared cyclone to go into a match with him; ends up cyclone is a secret MA fighting genius and mav got his ass beat. the whole team watched.

- cyclone and mav are close from just having to deal with each other. mav giving cyclone headaches, while cyclone gives mavs lectures brought them together. they share a beer here and there at a local bar when they can

- mav hates the city. like, really hates it. over stimulates from it hard.

- mav has ocd; those instrusive thoughts can sometimes be hard for him to control, which can sometimes explain why he does some erratic moves. he never got diagnosed about it till later in life.

- mav and commitment issues follow him everywhere for everything

- when hangman and rooster are exploring areas to carve their initials into around the base, they find mavs and ices old ones (yes, multiple) hidden behind a few desks

- ice dyes his hair to be bleach blonde; it’s actually a golden blonde but he hates it, so he makes it bleach blonde. mav likes his hair either way, but makes fun of ice when he dyes his hair. ice doesnt take kindly to this one day, mav was asleep and woke up with bleached highlights to his hair from ice. he wore a cap everywhere for months

(Part 4/?)

hope you enjoyed these head cannons! i want to do some more when i have the time, but for now, i might try drawing some of these out :)

got any suggestions? leave them down in the comments below! thank you for supporting the series so far!

start here at part 1!: https://www.tumblr.com/blog/view/hangman-puzzlesolver/692152151697473536?source=share 

[queenhawke]

ok here’s all my Thoughts about mq s3 and why it’s probably the weakest season so far.

tl;dr It just feels like they wrote themselves into a corner with how s2 ended and then didn’t know how to continue on from there. And it’s disappointing! It’s back to how it was in s1 where the only real strong character arc is Ian and Poppy’s, and the rest of the characters are just kinda… there to do funny stuff. And it’s not the worst thing in the world and they kiiiinda pull it together a little in the finale, but it’s disappointing because we know they can do good character arcs for all the characters simultaneously, because they did that in s2! Also fuck NFTs

Rest is under a read more bc I told y’all I’d write a novel

let’s compliment sandwich this so good things first:

The GrimPop storyline was good! Easily the strongest aspect of the season, tho I feel like Ian Winger-speeching himself out of the conflict was maybe a bit too easy? It was a good speech, I liked it, it fits their weird toxic codependent relationship well, but I would have liked to see him doing more for Poppy. Ah well, still good.

The bad is uhhh a lot. I don’t even know where to begin.

Actually let’s start with the metaverse/NFT shit, because it was shit and really soured me on the first half of the season. I get why these topics were included, it was a hot issue when they were writing the season, but it sucks how they were implemented. First off, it’s aged like milk, what with the multiple crypto crashes and NFTs kinda disappearing out of the collective consiousness (thank christ). Second, the fact that there’s no talk of the negative aspects of NFTs. Atrocious, especially concerning Rachel, who, being ostensibly the leftist of the group, should really at the very least have brought up the negative impact on the environment that NFTs/crypto has. Unfortunately, it does make sense why this happened. Ubisoft was one of the first game companies to use NFTs in their games, and Rob Mcelhenney owns one of those ugly fucking apes (I hope for his sake he’s sold it already), so he’s clearly invested in this shit. Obviously neither was gonna shittalk NFTs when they have such a big monetary stake in them. Hugely disappointing, but not surprising.

Now the characters... let’s start with Dana, because her “character development” was easily the most baffling to me. Like. Who is this? Where did this mini-Ian come from? This isn’t who Dana was. She had confidence, sure, but not Ian levels of delusional confidence. And like, what was the point of making her so much like Ian? How did that serve her character? Most she did was act like a kind of mediator between Ian and Poppy, but what did it do for her? The last ep kinda wrangles this into her being fed up with them and starting her own thing, but like, she was happy to hang out with Ian for most of the season. I dunno, I can kinda see what they were going for, but it doesn’t feel like there was a proper build-up to that final episode.

Let’s go to everyone’s favourite tumblr sexyman, Brad. Again, the last episode blatantly states his “arc” (working his way up to being in power again), but like. All the stuff inbetween doesn’t feel like it really adds up to anything. I mean, what did him being the janitor really... do. He acts like he’s up to something, but then he isn’t, and by ep 3 he’s already just doing HOMIE stuff again. I think it could have been so much more fun if he’d actually used his position as a janitor to weasel his way back into monetization. Like, digging up dirt on people and stuff. And again the build-up to the finale wasn’t really there. Oh, he wants a challenge now? He never talked about that. Where did that come from? Why not seed that more? Also, would have liked for his eating disorder to be addressed more. It’s so rare to see men with eating disorders on tv, it could’ve been something special. Maybe next season.

Rachel... I’m highly skeptical of her suddenly being “dumb”. Like sure, she was always shown to be a little airheaded, but it feels like they really turned it up to 11 and like... for what? It reminds me too much of how Britta was treated in later seasons of Community, and that was shitty then and is shitty now. It’s just wild to me that they’d have this whole arc in s2 about her finding her passion, and then they just throw it away. She could’ve been the new writer instead of the new HOMIE! Also, if she’s so dumb, how can she be made the new HOMIE at all. That’s a high fucking position, and you expect me to believe they just gave that to some rando ex-tester? I know MQ isn’t realistic, but I have my limits. And then they kinda lampshade that by having Brad be like “oh I engineered this” but that just feels lazy. Like my brother in christ you put her in this storyline, don’t act like it all meant nothing now. Also I know capitalism is a hell of a drug and I love me a corruption arc but could we for once have a leftist character on tv who like. Sticks to their guns and isn’t a massive hypocrite. Please.

THE LACK OF REAL STORYLINE BETWEEN BRAD AND JO. Hello he went to jail for her??? Hello?? Can we address this? Even a little? Maybe in the ep called TO CATCH A MOUSE?? It wasn’t even a mouse but you named it To Catch A Mouse and then you don’t have some sort of conversation between the mouse and the shark hello? Do I have to do everything myself around here??

Also, C.W. @kaitcake1289​ already wrote a good post on this but I’d just like to reiterate what a disappointment it is that his death seemingly has zero impact on anyone. And it could have been such a good way to tie all the characters together, which I think was sorely needed with how divided they were between MQ and GrimPop. The grief they would all feel from losing the studio’s weirdo grandpa could have been such a nice overarching theme. And it could all impact them in different ways and drive their arcs this season! Just a missed opportunity, and frankly a weird way to treat the death of one of the major characters. Even Pierce’s death in Community was more impactful, and he left because there was major beef between the actor and the showrunner.

I’m a bit hmm about the idea of Dana/Jo/Brad in their own studio, bc I just don’t think splitting the characters up like this worked out this season, but we’ll see. I hope they have an actual plan this time lmao.

Okay other end of the compliment sandwich uhhhhh. I think David’s arc was decent. It was nice to see him get along with Jo and to see him stand up for himself. Um. The Christmas ep was very good. Sarian was another banger backstory ep. In general there were loads of jokes I liked! I’m just disappointed with how the characters that weren’t Ian or Poppy were treated.

[dbnightingale24]

Pick Me

Andy Barber~One Shot

~~

So, the whoring in this story is really something else. I’ve truly outdone myself this time. I’m just gonna apologize now cause no one even asked for this. No one hinted that they wanted this. I’m just an asshole. I was in the middle of updating two of my stories, and then had to stop everything because I came up with this fucking novel.  This could’ve been a story, but my brain said no. So, here we are. I am so sorry y’all.

Word Count: 24,416 (TRULY A FUCKING NOVEL)

Warnings: So many, MINORS DNI (I will snitch on you to your parents), so much smut, cheating, swearing, mild drinking (y’all should be so proud of me), so much angst, self hate, daddy kink, degrading kink, crying, arguing, family drama, slight age gap, Andy being a whore...it’s a lot y’all. 

Song(s) That Inspired This:

Lovesong - Yuna

Just Be Good To Me - S.O.S

Summary: You’ve always done your best to make your family proud and avoid drama with men. However, Andy comes into your life and turns your world upside down. What happens when the sin is too tempting to resist?

I do not give consent for my works/stories to be posted elsewhere.

Part 2

~~

“Fuck, Andy! Just like that!” you moan as Andy continues to furiously fuck you from behind.

“Need you to be a good girl and cum for me soon, baby,” he groans, his grip on your hips tightening.

‘There he goes breaking the rules again,’ you think to yourself as the word ‘baby’ falls from his lips.

You’ve told him a million times that in order for your little arrangement to work, there can be no pet names, no kissing on the lips (but you’re also guilty of breaking that rule), no hotels, and no sleepovers. It can only be filthy fucking: then you both get dressed and go back to your separate lives. You want to snap at him for breaking a rule again, but the pleasure is too much. You can’t focus on anything other than him and how he’s intoxicating you with every thrust. It’s the sheer amount of how much he always makes you feel.

“Andy...Andy, I...shit!” you mewl, your nails digging into his pristine mahogany desk.

“You made me wait all fucking week for this pretty little cunt! Do you know how hard it was for me to not bend you over your desk and fuck you in front of everyone? God, the fucking sounds you make for me...such a good little whore for Daddy, aren’t you?”

“Yes, yes!” you surrender as you feel that knot in your core tighten. You feel your knees start to buckle and you know that this will be the orgasm that finishes you for the night. “Needed to feel you! Fuck, I’m...I’m...”

“Fucking say it,” he grunts, roughly yanking back your hair, loving the way you clench around him.

“I’m sorry for making you wait!” you yell as your demolishing orgasm shatters you, legs giving out as Andy tightly wraps an arm around you, screaming your name as he blasts his load into you.

You both stay there for a moment, coming down from your highs, trying to catch your breaths. These are the moments you enjoy the most, even though you’ll never admit it to anyone. Not even yourself. It’s when he holds you close and rests his head on yours. It’s the quiet of the room when he rests his head inside the crook of your neck. They were intimate, personal; and just for a moment, you can pretend you’re not a homewrecker.

“Let me stay over tonight,” he sighs after a beat, breaking you out of your thoughts.

“Don’t start that,” you sigh, tapping his hand as a signal for him to let go of you.

“Why? You always do this and we both know-”

“Andy, you have a wife and son waiting for you. This is wrong,” you interrupt, waiving your hand as a gesture to his office as he pulls out of you.

“You know that with Laurie-”

“It doesn’t matter what you say,” you quickly snap as you look for your skirt, “she’s still your wife, this is still wrong, and I’m still a whore. We shouldn’t be doing this.”

“Don’t. This isn’t the same as it is with all the other girls.”

“Oh gee, thanks so much! I’m your special whore!” you smile sarcastically, finally rounding the desk when you spot your panties and skirt in a disheveled pile on the floor.

“Y/N, I haven’t been fucking anyone else besides you since we decided to keep this up.”

“Lovely, I’m your only whore.”

“Y/N-”

“It doesn’t matter, Andy. This is the last time we’re doing this,” you sigh, buttoning your shirt as you step into your heels.

“I’ve heard that before,” Andy scoffs, buttoning up his own shirt.

“I mean it,” you quip back, “I have a date tomorrow night and I’m not about to ruin things by continuing to play this fucking game with you.”

“What the fuck? A date with who?! Neal? The guy you told me you weren’t dating?” Andy demands after he finishes buckling his pants.

“At the time, I wasn’t! It’s none of your business anyway.”

“The fuck it isn’t!”

“You’re a married man! I’m allowed to date and not wallow in all of the misery of...this,” you say, motioning at the space between the two of you.

“You’re mine,” he warns defiantly as he his eyes sharpen on you.

“I’m not anyone’s. Don’t start this shit again. Just accept it and let it go,” you mutter, grabbing your jacket and purse.

“Who is it?” Andy asks again, ignoring what you just said.

“Neal,” you mumble as Andy laughs.

“Of course it’s fucking Neal. You told me there was nothing there.”

“Andy-”

“You really want to become the office slut, don’t you?”

“I became the office slut when I started fucking you!” you yell, venom dripping down your words as you turn to leave.

“Oh no you don’t!” Andy quickly taunts as he wraps his arm around your waist and pulls you close to him. “If this is really it, I think we owe it to ourselves to go a few more rounds,” he whispers seductively into your ear.

“Don’t do this Andy,” you whimper as his hand softly starts to travel up your thigh. “Where does she think you are?”

“Who gives a fuck where she thinks I am?” he groans as he pushes the thin material covering what he truly desires to the side. “What I want is you and that’s exactly what I’m going to have,” he huffs before starting to fuck you with two fingers.

“Andy,” you murmur, hating how easy it is for him to pull you apart.

“There’s my good girl,” he praises, picking up his pace. “My good girl alone.”

***

You started working for your Aunt Lynne 3 years ago. You weren’t even supposed to stay this long, but life has a way of making you rearrange everything. Your mother had set you up with a job because she was afraid that your life as an artist was going nowhere. Your aunt gave you the job for the same reason you applied for it: you both just wanted your mother to shut up and drop it.

However, you found yourself taking a liking to it and found it interesting. Even though you didn’t always agree with what was happening, you can admit that you never found it boring.

Then came Andy.

“Hey Lynne,” Andy smiled, stepping into her office and taking a seat.

“Andy,” she smiled sweetly before closing her laptop and focusing her attention on him.

“I see you have new help?” he questioned, turning his attention towards you as you continue to type up a statement release on your laptop.

“Oh, I’m nobody,” you mumbled, not even looking up as your fingers continued to dance across the keyboard. “Just think of me as an overpaid fly on the wall.”

“This is my niece, Y/N,” your aunt laughs softly. “Y/N, this is Andy-”

“Oh, I’m well aware of who he is,” you smile, finally looking up to meet his gaze.

That was your first mistake. You should’ve never made eye contact with him. You should have continued to work like he wasn’t in the room. You shouldn’t have engaged in conversation with him. There were so many things that should have gone differently that day, but you didn’t expect to stay for so long. Your plan was to be there for a year but something kept pulling you stay. You told yourself that you stayed because you really found yourself interested in the field you were working in, but in the end you knew it was him.

It had always been him.

You saw the different women leaving his office. You heard them while in his office, as you were sure the whole building had, but if your aunt heard it or heard about it and didn’t do anything, what business of it was yours to say anything?

Nevertheless, you minded your own business and kept your head down, keeping your thoughts to yourself. You saw the wedding ring on his finger, saw the pictures of his wife and son on his desk when your aunt would have you drop things off in his office, and you were disgusted. How could he be so heartless and careless? You remembered from your own childhood how much a cheating husband can disrupt a good and loving home. No, you didn’t know the condition Andy’s marriage was in, but there was still no reason to cheat.

However, you hadn’t noticed that Andy had taken a liking to you.

You hadn’t noticed that he paid close attention to the witty banter between you and your aunt, the way you chewed on your pen when you were trying to come up with the perfect word for a statement that you were working on, the way you’d laugh with whoever while you were making small talk in the break room; Andy noticed it all.

It completely caught you off guard when he started making advances towards you. He was subtle enough when he asked you into his office to pick up some papers for your aunt, but once you made your way inside, he made his point very clear.

“Before you go, I just have a few quick questions,” he stated, making eyes at you. “Are you seeing anyone?”

“Excuse me?”

“I’m sorry, let me be more frank. Are you fucking anyone?”

“Mr. Barber, I-”

“Don’t get all professional on me now, Sweetheart.”

“Andy, I’m not about to become one of your work place play things,” you warned lowly, finally meeting his gaze.

“But playing is so much fun,” he smirked at you.

“I could tell my Aunt, ya know.”

“Then tell her,” Andy shrugged as he leaned back into his leather chair.

“Is there anything else you need from me, Mr. Barber?” you questioned with your arms folded across your chest.

“I feel like I’ve made it very clear what I need from you.”

“Good day, Mr. Barber,” you snapped before storming out of his office.

When you were honest with yourself, it wasn’t hard to believe that he had been so open. He was so used to getting any woman that of course he thought you’d be an easy fuck.

You had hoped that would be the end of it, but as with everything else you had hoped for in your life, it didn’t go your way.

“I can’t rush the case, Lynne. We’ve been down this road before,” Andy sighed as he ran a frustrated hand through his hair.

“I know...with Jacob...that was different and you know how sorry I am about that, but we can’t go much longer without something concrete.”

“We can say that we’re still investigating but we’re sure we’re close to finding the abuser and bringing them into custody,” Andy suggested.

“Weak,” you scoffed, typing away and not looking up.

“What was that?” he questioned, irritation very clear.

“I said that’s weak,” you responded louder and firmer, looking up to meet his gaze. “It’s weak and it makes you look like you’re panicking. If you look like you’re panicking, then it looks like my aunt is. You can’t go out there and say that.”

“Then what’s your solution?” your Aunt Lynne questioned, trying to break up some of the tension.

“Do your damn job and research. Investigate. You said before that you’re positive that this Joshua guy is behind all of these attacks, right?”

“Correct,” Andy nodded, small smirk coming his face, surprised how bold you were being.

“Then nail him to the cross and burn him alive. Given his past, a warrant isn’t out of order. He beat his first two wives, the first one almost to death, he was charged with sexual assault when he was in college, and he works at a store that’s extremely close to where the last two attacks happened. Make it stick.”

“How?”

“That’s your job, figure it out,” you shrugged before going back to typing.

“I’ll get the warrant,” he smirked towards Lynne, “but I want her as my assistant for this one.”

“What? No! I don’t work for you!” you exclaimed before your aunt even has a chance to respond.

“Well...we can switch assistants for just the time being,” your aunt encourages.

“Lynne-”

“It’s only until the case is over,” she interrupted, giving you a stern look.

What could you do? If she wasn’t going to defend or protect you, what was the use in putting up a fight? “Fine,” you sulk, sinking deep into your chair.

Andy gave you the notes his assistant has been taking and you gave his assistant the tasks you had been working on for your aunt, and that was that.

You belonged to Andy until the case was over.

You told him the door had to remain open at all times.

“You really don’t trust me, huh?” he smirked, passing you a filing folder full of documents pertaining to the case.

“Can you blame me?” you questioned, taking a seat across from him, opening the folder and going over the documents that had already been marked up with red ink.

“I guess I can’t, but I want you on this case with me because you’re determined. I need someone focused and dedicated to this. You don’t want your aunt to be made a fool of, so I know you’ll focus on getting this right and getting it over with. However, if you wanna have a release during breaks...” he trailed off with a sinister smile on his face.

“Once we’re done with this case, Mr. Barber, things will go back to the way they were,” you say deliberately .

“Whatever you say, Sweetheart,” he smirked before logging into his computer.

From that moment on, Andy kept it professional. He didn’t have his fuck sessions in the office, he didn’t make too many advances towards you, and when he asked you to stay late it was truly just to work on the case.

That’s when you learned how attracted you were to him.

Obviously the man was gorgeous, that wasn’t lost on anyone. His perfectly shaved beard, broad shoulders and defined muscles, and you couldn’t help but imagine that underneath his shirt was a body sculpted by Michelangelo himself. In fact, on more than one occasion, the thought of Andy sweaty and on top of you made its way into your late night sinful activities.

Just because you were repulsed by the man didn’t mean that you were blind to his good looks.

But his looks only got him so far. What really turned you on about him was how dedicated and hard working he was to his job. Getting angry with himself over simple mistakes, how he went over every little detail of the evidence he had and compared it to new leads, how he would unbutton the first button on his shirt and take off his tie when you two were working late and he was getting deeper and deeper into concentrating, how he would furrow his eyebrows when was getting deeper and deeper into focusing...the best way to put it? Andy Barber was slowly getting a hold on you.

“You’re staring,” he smirked one night, eyes not leaving his computer screen.

“I have a question but you look pretty focused so I was debating whether or not to ask it,” you quickly lied.

“What’s up?”

“Are we eating at some point?”

“Shit, I didn’t realize it was so late!” Andy huffed, pulling out his phone and a takeout menu from his desk drawer. “Pick whatever you want and I’ll call in the order when I get back,” he sighed handing you the menu on his way out, closing the door behind him.

The door hadn’t closed all the way and you couldn’t stop yourself from listening. Your mind was riddled with what he would tell his wife, but she wasn’t who he had called.

“Hey bud...I know I messed up, I just realized the time....yeah, I’m still trying to get all the information together so we can bring this guy in...I know and I’m so sorry.... I promise I’ll make it up to you this weekend... We can go to the record store or something, sound good? Yeah, I’ll let you pick the music for the drive,” he laughed “how are things at home?...she does love you, stop it...she’s just trying to process...I know it’s been two years...your mother does love you Jacob, she’s just angry with me....it’ll get better, I promise...you know you’ll always have me, Jacob...it’s gonna be okay, I gotta get back to work though, okay? I love you and I’ll try not to wake you when I get home...okay, then I will wake you when I get home,” he chuckled softly. “Goodnight bud and finish your homework,” he told his son with a soft laugh before hanging up.

The second call was nowhere near as sweet or gentle.

“What the fuck Laurie?!...I don’t give a shit...I will speak to you like this when I talk to my son and he tells me he thinks his mother doesn’t love him! Listen, I don’t care if you hate me forever, I can handle it because you stopped loving me a long time ago, but he’s our son! You don’t wanna divorce? Fine, but don’t use him as an excuse to trap me to you then treat him like shit!... Laurie, you look at him like he’s a total stranger...he didn’t kill that boy and you know it!...Yes you do! You hang it over his head and he wears it like a fucking cross to bear! I’m not fucking arguing about this with you anymore, get your shit together or things are gonna change in a way you won’t like,” he warned ominously before hanging up.

He took a deep breath and waited a minute before coming back into the office and realizing the door hadn’t been closed.

“You heard that, didn’t you?” he questioned, not even bothering to look at you as he grabbed the menu and make his way back to his desk.

“It’s not any of my business,” you mumbled, going back to the pile of notes and police reports in your lap.

“So you did hear it.”

“Andy I-”

“No, it’s fine. There’s no need...it’s worst kept secret around here anyway,” he chuckled softly, circling something on the menu, “did you decide what you want?”

“Steamed dumplings and chicken low mein.”

“Somehow that doesn’t surprise me,” he laughed softly before dialing the number and placing the order.

The silence after that was driving you insane so you decided to break the ice.

“I know Jacob is a junior now, so this might be lame, but there is a father/son baseball game this weekend to close out the season...if he’s into baseball...it could be fun,” you suggested softly.

“Jacob is into girls, video games, comedies, and music. I’ve tried getting him into sports, but I’m on my own in that department. If he’s bored enough, I can talk him into watching basketball with me,” he laughed softly.

“Has he decided on college?”

“He was gonna go to Boston University but now...now he just wants to be as far away from home as possible, and I don’t blame him. He’s been thinking about NYU or Stanford. He was talking about Oxford for a while, but Laurie flew into a rage about how it’s too far, so he quickly let go of the idea,” Andy sighed.

“NYU, Oxford...he sounds like a fucking genius.”

“Eh,” he chuckled “when everything was going on with the case, he didn’t have much to do besides study and take private classes...he’s been getting into extracurricular activities but he feels out of place. Him and Sarah broke up again so he hasn’t been all that focused on his work. He still has a fair shot though,” Andy smiled to himself, thoughtfully.

“What do you want for him?”

“I just want him to be happy. That’s all I’ve ever wanted for him. If he needs to go to Oxford for that, then I’ll happily pay that bill for the rest of my life. I’m not upset that he wants to get the fuck out of this place, I want to get the fuck out of this place.”

“Why don’t you?”

“It’s not as simple...Laurie. She won’t agree to a divorce and after all Jacob went through with the trial, I wasn’t about to drag him through another long and drawn out battle. She loves the title and draw of my name. Andy Barber: DA, worked his ass off to clear his own son of a murder charge, and one of the best lawyers in Massachusetts. My name still has some pull around here and that’s why she stays. She doesn’t love me and barely looks at Jacob...this isn’t what we’re here for though,” he awkwardly laughed before clearing his throat.

“Families are tricky,” you started “I...with my aunt and my mother...you put up with a lot of shit when you truly love someone. With my mom and dad...Lynne advised her to leave him so many times, but my mom stayed because she felt I needed the both of them. I mean...I guess I did, but I didn’t need them together. If I could’ve had some part of my childhood that wasn’t chaotic...I would have gone through the long and drawn out battle.”

“You were never tried for murder.”

“True, but I did run away from home and I got myself into situations I shouldn’t have,” you sighed, kicking off your shoes.

“What’s so wrong with your family?” Andy scoffed, eyes drifting back to his computer.

“My dad cheated on my mom...a lot. There was a bit of abuse here and there, mainly directed towards me. That’s when my mom finally left him.”

“And that’s why you hate me?”

“I don’t...I don’t hate you, Andy,” you sighed “I just don’t think there’s ever a good reason for cheating. I don’t care how fucked up the situation is. In the end, they got the divorce and I see my dad from time to time, but the damage is there. She changed after all of it which is how I wound up here in the first place.”

“Well...what do you want?” he asked, finally looking up and meeting your gaze.

“I just want her to be happy...and proud of me,” you stated simply.

That night, you two bonded over family traumas and shitty relationships. You went back and forth between the case and personal stories. It was almost like you two were slowly becoming friends.

Almost.

“I can give you a ride home,” Andy offered as you two finally left his office.

“I’m fine. I can order a service-”

“It’s late and I’d feel better if I just dropped you off at your place myself.”

“I bet you would,” you smirked as you both made your way outside.

“My own selfish desires aside,” he smirked “I don’t want you riding with random men this late at night.”

“You don’t count yourself as a random man?”

“I’m a random man you know,” he scoffed. “C’mon, I’ll take you home and I’ll keep my hands to myself...for now,” he smirked before leading you to his car.

The drive was nice enough. You both had similar tastes in music, so it wasn’t hard to find something to fill the silence.

Then your phone rang.

“Hey ma,” you sighed as Andy pulled up to your apartment.

“Did you finish that painting for your Aunt?”

“I’ll finish it tonight,” you mumbled, leaning into the passenger seat of Andy’s Audi.

“You can’t have your toes half in and half out. You need to pick a career and stick to it,” she snapped.

“I picked a career. You don’t believe in me and sent me away to work for Aunt Lynne. Don’t act like I’m the one who made everything hectic.”

“You want to be a painter, Y/N! Do you understand that-”

“Just because dad failed as an artist and turned into an asshole doesn’t mean I will too.”

“I just don’t want-”

“I know, Ma...I know. Listen, I’m tired and I’ll talk to you later. I love you...goodnight,” you sniffed before ending the call.

You took a deep breath and wiped away the few tears that had managed to well in the corners of your eyes.

“Thank you for-”

“Y/N, if you need to talk...”

“I’m fine. I really am. My mother stopped believing in me when I dropped out of college my first semester,” you humorlessly laughed, “this is just a regular day for us. I believe in me and she doesn’t because of my father. Don’t worry.”

“Y/N-”

“Tonight was nice. It was nice getting to know you a little bit...I guess I’ll see you tomorrow,” you smiled, misty eyed, before getting out and making your way up the stairs to your apartment complex and going inside.

When you got inside, you quickly changed into your night clothes and put your hair up before starting on the final touches to the painting you were doing for your aunt. Painting really was your favorite way to unwind.

You were almost done when you felt your phone buzz.

AB: I know you said you don’t wanna talk about it, but if you change your mind, you don’t have to be alone.

Knowing Andy that could’ve meant a million things. You were thoughtful before you responded.

Y/N: I appreciate it, Andy. I really am okay. It’s nothing I haven’t dealt with before.

AB: Well, my door is always open whenever you want...for whatever you want.

After that, you did your best to keep as much distance from Andy as possible. He did make it a point to get as close to you as possible when pointing out new evidence and flaws as often as possible, and you really did your best to resist the urge to tackle him right then and there, but he also confided in you.

Because long nights meant texts and phone calls from Jacob asking when Andy would be home, and Andy feeling like a terrible father. They included him getting into multiple arguments with Laurie about multiple things; mainly the way she treated Jacob. Long nights also meant texts from your mother about how she wished you wouldn’t stay so late because she missed the “end of the day” phone calls you two would have. She hadn’t made much of an effort to start dating again after her and your father started dating again, and she made you her confidant. While it did make the strain on your relationship with her even harder, it was nice to have an escape for a while.

All of this led to deeper and more important conversations than you two ever meant to have, and sometimes a glass or two of the bourbon Andy kept in his lower desk drawer. However, you two were lonely and somewhat broken people that found solace in each other. There was no way for either of you to stop it. Tethered souls can only avoid each other for so long.

You did your best to keep your cool. All of it would be over soon enough and you would go back to life as you knew it before.

Then you made a break in the case.

“If you really think about it, Roe vs. Wade-”

“Wait...shut up,” you started as you both made your way down the steps.

“Excuse me?”

“Hush!” you snapped, trying to get all of your thoughts together. “During Joshua’s last interrogation he said that he was home by 8 that night, right?”

“Yeah, he lives 20 minutes from his job.”

“Didn’t his shift end at 7 that night?” you asked, finally looking up to meet Andy’s gaze.

“Mother fucker!” Andy yelled before heading back up the steps and pulling out his phone to call your aunt as you raced back up the steps into the building you had both just left in ball of frustration.

You both pulled up videos and files from both of his interrogations and his work schedule from that week and putting everything together. You both grunted in frustration at how it took so long to discover one small detail that would’ve had you both closer to the end of the investigation weeks ago, but neither of you could hide the pride you both felt at finally being able to bring in the man you both knew in their heart of hearts was responsible.

Your aunt brought in Joshua early the next day, and called for a press conference later that day. She wanted you to be there since Andy made sure to let her know that you were the one who connected the dots, but you told them both that you were more than happy to stay out of it. This job was only something to do keep your mother happy.

While the press conference went on, you had lunch at a local bar and indulged in a beer, while happily listening to press conference from the TV at the bar.

“I’m just happy that we were able to bring him in before he could any more harm to anyone else. The trial is set for Thursday, so we’ll be hard at work on collecting as much evidence as possible to keep him locked away for a while. Thank you,” Andy smiled with a small nod before turning to go back inside.

“Mr. Barber!” a reported yelled desperately “just one more question!”

“Sure,” he responded, turning around and looking for the reporter who had requested his attention.

“A lot papers reported that after everything that had happened with your son, you wouldn’t have the stomach for this job anymore. This has been your biggest case since everything happened, and you seem more at ease now then do you did before. How are you able to resume everything as if nothing ever happened?”

Andy was thoughtful before he spoke “I had help, simple as that. Getting back into this...it wasn’t easy and I had reservations about this case. It’s easy to rush to judgment when it looks like the evidence is there, but after going through everything I did with Jacob, I knew that I had to be sure I was bringing the right person in. It’s easy to miss things and overlook what you think or smaller details, but my assistant on this case has been very vigilant. She went over every line, every detail, every video footage...she was very thorough. We wouldn’t have made this break in the case without her. She’s asked to be kept anonymous so I will respect her wishes, but this is largely due to her patience and attention to everything instead of one thing. We wouldn’t be at this point in the case today without her,” he smiled softly. “Thank you, we’ve got a lot work to do now,” he smiled before he and your aunt rushed back into the building.

His words had you feeling...special. You knew how he liked to butter up women and you hadn’t forgotten the few words he’d spoken to the women that worked in the building, but something about that felt...different.

It felt real.

“Thanks for what you said,” you smiled, standing in the doorway to his office when you got back from lunch. “It was nice.”

“I meant every word, ya know.”

“I know you did...I could tell.”

“Come out to dinner with me tonight,” he stated simply.

“Dammit Andy!” you groaned, softly stomping your foot “every time I-”

“I can’t thank you enough!” your aunt beamed, coming up behind you, wrapping her arm around you, and squeezing you tightly. “Are you coming tonight?”

“Coming to what?” you laughed softly, wrapping your arms around her.

“We’re going to that bar you told me about a few months ago!”

“Who is ‘we’?”

“The whole department. We’re going out to celebrate the break in the case we couldn’t have made without you!”

“Aunt Lynne-”

“Come on! Even Andy is coming!” she smiled towards Andy who just nodded in response.

Between the looks on both hers and Andy’s faces, how were you supposed to say no?

That was the night that every thing changed.  

“Why did you tell my mother?” you groaned as your phone rang for the millionth time.

Everyone had been out for a few hours and it was safe to say that you were all a little buzzed. Well, you were very buzzed. Your aunt was damn near wasted, along with Duffy, Neal and a few others.

“She’s happy for you!” Lynne damn near squealed. “It’s a big deal!”

“She’s gonna be up my ass even more now,” you sighed as your phone went off again.

“You know she’s never gonna stop,” your aunt laughed before finishing the rest of her drink “just get it over with and answer it.” With that, she was off to the bar for another drink that she really didn’t need.

You knew that she was making a good point so you took a deep breath and made your way outside.

“Hello?”

“Why are you avoiding me?!” your mom yelled, causing you to pull the phone away from your ear slightly.

“I’m not,” you lied, rubbing your temples with your free hand “the entire department is out to celebrate, it’s been a busy day.”

“And that’s all thanks to you! I’m so proud of you!” she beamed and you could tell she was smiling from ear to ear.

“Thanks mom,” you smiled softly, feeling a sense of pride in finally doing something right.

“You know, I’m sure if you talked to Lynne-”

“Please don’t start,” you scowled, hating being brought back to reality so fast “we were having a nice moment and I’m actually in a good mood.”

“Then don’t sour it by being stubborn!”

“Alright, I’m gonna go-”

“You’re not getting any younger, Y/N!” your mother snapped, cutting you off. “You need to start thinking like an adult before you ruin your life!”

“Well, this has been pleasant. Talk to ya later, love ya, bye,” you muttered before hanging up.

You were about to throw your phone, but you thought better of it at the last moment and decided to kick the stone building that was the bar everyone else was currently having fun inside of.

Leave it up to your mother to ruin a perfectly good day.

“That sounded like it was fun,” a deep voice taunted, causing you to jump.

“It’s not nice to listen in on people’s phone calls,” you snapped, turning your attention to Andy.

“I wasn’t. You came out just as I was finishing up my conversation with Jacob. It seemed rude to just walk by while you were being berated by who I’m assuming was your mother, so I just waited.”

“And they say chivalry is dead,” you mocked, rolling your eyes.

“You wanna talk about it?”

“No, not really. Just me being a failure again.”

“Well...you wanna get out of here and blow off some steam?” he smirked.

“I’m not leaving my drunk ass Aunt, your boss, here alone,” you scoffed.

“Well, my car is a block over. Wanna blow off some steam in there?”

You should have said no. You wanted to say no. But you couldn’t.

When you didn’t say anything, Andy let a cocky smile play on his lips before turning and leading the way to his Audi.

You knew it was wrong and that you’d hate yourself for it after, but you needed the release. It had been so long and it’s not like Andy was going to give up.

‘One time won’t hurt,’ you told yourself as you started to follow him.

Your feet felt as if they were being weighed down by cement bricks and your brain was screaming at you to turn around and go back to the bar. Every logical part of you was telling you to run, but you were done with being logical for the day.

Plus, you really wanted to find out if Andy was just as good a fuck as he was a lawyer.

That’s what you told yourself, but the tug on your heartstrings let you know it was more. Andy could never and would never be yours, so what was the harm in indulging for one night? What was the problem with pretending for a while? He’d go back to his life when it was all over and so would you.

By the time you two reached his car, your heart, head, and pussy were all at war with each other. However, when he opened the door to the backseat, you knew there was no turning back. You got in first, sliding over to the passenger, before got in behind you and closed the door behind him. The whole thing felt so high school, and if you hadn’t been so aware of the sin you were about to commit, you probably would have laughed.

“Before we-” was all you got out before Andy’s lips were on yours.

You wanted to tell him that it was a one time thing. That there were rules he needed to follow. You wanted him to know that it didn’t mean anything, but he never gave you a chance to get out things you needed to say and the the things he didn’t want to hear.  

“Andy,” you moaned softly, too lost in the kisses he was burning gently down your neck, as his hands found their way under your skirt.

“Never knew my name could sound so sweet,” he groaned into your neck, as one hand gripped your panties and ripped them off.

In one swift move, you were on your back and Andy was on top you, your legs holding him in place. He quickly started undoing your shirt, as you untucked his and started undoing his belt buckle.

“Thought about nothing but having you under me like this for so long” he practically whispered, looking down at the sight of you desperate and needy beneath him.

His confession had you whining for him before pulling him close and crashing your lips into his again.

The only way your heart would escape unscathed was if you didn’t listen to what he had to say. What you knew he had been desperate to say. He started to trail kisses down your body again, this time kissing between your breasts, down your stomach, and in-between your legs after he hiked your skirt up.

“Andy!” you cried out, feeling his tongue torment your clit as he sucked on it.

The whole scenario may have felt like your junior and senior year in high school, but Andy wasn’t eating you out like either of the boyfriends you’d had in high school. In fact, you’re pretty sure that no one had ever come close.

“Pl...please!” you whimpered, clenching your eyes shut, tugging on his hair and pulling him impossibly closer to the part that demanded his attention the most. Andy removed one of his hands from around one of your thighs and before your brain could put two and two together, you felt two fingers push their way inside. “Fuck!” you screamed out, arching your back a little.

When you felt him smirk against your clit, you pulled his hair even tighter, but all that did was gain you a grunt of approval. It’s not like you could bring yourself to be ashamed or even care. He was making you feel everything and you didn’t want him to stop. You would never want him to stop.

“Fuck! I’m so...I’m so...fuck!” you moaned, grinding your pussy against his face. Andy gripped your thigh tightly and you could tell he wanted you to give him everything. “Shit!” you yelled, cumming hard on his tongue while he continued to fuck into you with his fingers.

He took his time cleaning you up, savoring the taste of you, before sitting up, pushing his pants and boxers down, and sitting down. The sight of him had you biting your lower lip in anticipation.

“Be a good girl and sit on Daddy’s lap,” he commanded breathlessly while stoking himself and watching you like a hunter watches its prey.

You hated the term ‘daddy’. In fact, on more than one occasion, you turned off whatever porn you were watching when the word was brought up. However, when Andy used it, you found yourself ready and willing to do anything he wanted. At that point, Andy could’ve told you to rob a bank and you would’ve asked which one.

You wasted no time pushing yourself up and straddling him. You dipped down to kiss him and his hands smoothed over your ass before gripping it tight.

“Such a pretty little whore,” he moaned, smacking your ass. That had you salivating and slowly sinking yourself down on him. You both moaned at the feel of him stretching you. “A pretty and good little whore, fuck!” he hissed, once he was completely inside of you.

“You feel so good,” you moaned, slowly grinding your hips against his as his grip on your waist tightened.

“This pussy is so much better than anything I imagined, and believe me Sweetheart, I’ve imagined a lot,” he huffed, looking up to meet your gaze.

“Fuck,” you hissed, placing your hands on each side of his shoulders and picking up your pace. “Wanted this...wanted this for so long,” you confessed.

“I know baby, take whatever you need from me. I’m yours to use however you want!”

“I’m so close!” you whimpered, your clit rubbing against his pelvis, causing your grip on his shoulders to tighten.

“Cum for me, baby. Cum hard for Daddy!” he huffed, his own breathing starting to become uneven.

“Yes!” you screamed, your release hitting hard as you threw your head back in pure pleasure.

You felt one of Andy’s arms wrap around your waist tight and you knew you were in for a ride. He didn’t even give you a chance to recover before he started violently upthrusting into you.

“You look so fucking perfect when you come apart for me, did you know that?” he questioned, his gaze on your face as you tried to come back down from your high as you did your best to fight off another.  “I could watch you night after night. You’d love that, wouldn’t you?”

“Yes!” you whimpered, tears brimming your eyes from all of the pleasure running through you.

The women you heard screaming his name in his office hadn’t been exaggerating at all. Andy Barber was a roller coaster ride that you didn’t want to get off of any time soon.

“Fuck, I knew you’d be an amazing fuck, but I had no idea you’d be this amazing!” he grunted, his thrusts becoming more and more erratic.

“Want to feel you,” you moaned, clawing at him “want you to feel you deep inside me, Andy. Please! Give it to me!”

You sounded pathetic to your own ears, but you couldn’t stop it.

“Shit!”

“Andy!” you screamed, your orgasm powerfully washing over you.

“Holy shit!” Andy exclaimed, his hot seed forcefully filling you.

You both rode out your orgasms you (you mainly following Andy’s lead), before you leaned your forehead against Andy’s and the only sound filling his car were the labored breaths between the two of you. There was no way his car didn’t reek of sex. If Laurie got in it the next day, she’d have no doubt about what had taken place the previous night.

Laurie.

That’s when the reality of what you two had just done hit you like a ton of bricks and all of the guilt and shame you forced out of your mind, washed over you like a wave in a hurricane.

Andy could instantly sense the change in you and opened his mouth to say something, but the look on your face had him closing his mouth instantly.

You both got dressed in silence, the only sound leaving either of you was when you got off of him, you both groaning in frustration. When you went to grab the scraps of what was left your panties, Andy quickly grabbed them without even looking your way and stuffed them into his pockets, and you knew that you’d never see that flimsy material again.

You stayed two steps in front of him as you both made your way back to the bar. You wanted your steps to help you pretend, to help you lie to yourself. You were pretending every step forward helped you forget because it wasn’t eating you up inside, even though you still felt your insides being eaten and consumed by guilt. You moved while pretending you weren’t at war with yourself over the sin you had just acted upon. You pretend because anger only knows war, and you would rather lie to yourself for peace.

That weekend you ignored every text and phone call from Andy. You knew you were hurting him because you were hurting yourself. You gave into your thoughts at night however, when you were alone in your apartment and the memories of what happened played on repeat inside your mind. You’d quietly moan Andy’s name, vibrator as deep inside of you as it would go as you tried to recreate that night in the backseat of his car.

The only problem? Andy wasn’t there. He wasn’t there to tell you what you wanted to hear. He wasn’t there to tell you what you needed to hear. He wasn’t there for you to cuddle or rest against. No matter how many times you got off to the thought of what took place, he was still missing. Granted, he wasn’t there because you wouldn’t respond, but he also wasn’t there because he wasn’t yours.

You went straight to your Aunt’s office when you got to work that Monday. You stayed until Andy sought you out.

“Get lost on your way to my office?” Andy smirked, leaning against door frame.

“I was thinking that I could go back to assisting my aunt since we arrested the guy.”

“There’s still the trial and we agreed on you helping me until everything was over.”

“I really don’t think I’ll be much help with gathering evidence for the case,” you mumbled, refusing to meet his gaze.

“I know you’ll be a great help,” he smirked. You were disgusted with yourself at the double meaning.

“Y/N, that was the deal and besides, you two work so well together,” your Aunt smiled.

‘Too well,’ you thought to yourself.

“Oh, we’re going back to normal now?” Andy’s assistant, Michelle, beamed when she got to Lynne’s office and saw you sitting at what usually is your desk.

“No no, she was just having a quick chat with her Aunt,” Andy smiled, which made Michelle frown slightly.

‘Is there anyone in this place that he hasn’t fucked?’ you thought to yourself, watching the poor girl’s demeanor change.

“We should get going, lots of work to do,” he said to you, motioning for you two to leave.

You shot your aunt a look and she just shrugged as if there was nothing she could do about it.

She was his fucking boss, she could do whatever she wanted.

You rolled your eyes but got up nonetheless, giving Michelle a sympathetic smile, before following Andy to his office. Andy let you walk in first before following and closing the door behind him.

“Door open,” you snapped quickly, spinning on your heels.

“Then everyone will see,” he quipped, arms folded across his chest.

“There’s nothing to see because nothing happened.”

The flicker of hurt you saw in his eyes was quickly replaced by irritation. “Is that what you’ve been telling yourself all weekend?”

“Don’t. Nothing happened on Friday.”

“You forgot that fast? I thought I was a better fuck than that, but I’m more than happy to remind you,” he chuckled.

“Stop Andy. It didn’t happen and it’s going to continue to not happen. It’s wrong and it’s gross. Just stop,” you demanded, tone firm but your insides screaming. Screaming for you to run, screaming for you to kiss him, and screaming for you to get yourself out of the situation all together.

Andy was thoughtful before he spoke. “You wanna play the long game, baby? I have no problem waiting,” he smirked, opening his door before walking to his desk.

Andy wasn’t subtle about the fact that he wasn’t happy with you. He went back to fucking other women in his office while you were on lunch. He always found a way to make suggestive comments towards you. He purposely kept you late, and he made it a point to flirt with you in front of other guys so they’d know he was working on making you his.

It should’ve been easy to hate him. You wanted it to be easy to hate and be disgusted with him, but he had to go and make that impossible, too. Whenever you stayed late with him, you heard his phone calls with Jacob, his arguments with Laurie, and he opened up to you even more. Andy let you see a side of him that you were fairly sure he didn’t let anyone else see. In those moments, it felt genuine and you wanted to be there for him; you wanted to make all of his pain stop.

The fact that you couldn’t make heads or tails of Andy is what made the whole situation all that more frustrating. You couldn’t wait for Thursday, so trial would start and you would be that much closer to being done with him.

You showed up early Thursday morning and sat on the floor, going over all of the things you and Andy put together.

“You can sit on the couch ya know,” Andy smirked as he made his way inside his office.

“No thanks, I hear what happens, on that sofa and I’d much rather sit on the floor.”

“It could be you.”

“Fuck off,” you snapped, scribbling out a question he had written in red pen, writing a different question instead. “Why are you even here? It’s early as hell.”

“Whenever I have to go into a courtroom I come here early to think and prep myself. I clear my mind so I can focus on what I need to do.”

“I can leave if you-”

“No, this is nice. It’s not like I could ever ask Laurie to when things were different, and there’s no one that I’m...this is nice. Being here with you like this...this is nice,” he stated softly.

You both sat in silence with Andy’s gaze drifting to you every so often, before he decided it was time to head to the courthouse. You insisted on taking yourself since your car was finally out of the shop, but Andy made a good point that it was pointless since you both were headed to the courtroom then back to work. The car ride was silent, not even music playing, but it was comfortable. You knew the day was going to be stressful for the both of you and it was nice that you both had that time to yourselves.

When you got to the courthouse, you poured both yourself and Andy a glass of water while he got his papers in order. You didn’t miss his little chuckle at the question you put in place of his.

“ ‘Not enough bodies to work on at the gym?’ You think you’re so clever, don’t you?”

“He won’t be expecting it and it’ll throw him off,” you smirked, sitting back and placing a few pens on the table.

“Always one step ahead,” he smiled as the doors open and people started to file in.

From the moment the trial started, Andy was on a roll. He didn’t miss a beat with his opening statement and his questions were hard hitting. After the first hour, you were almost certain that the trial wouldn’t go into the next week. He was relentless and the way he was attacking the defense had you clenching your thighs together. By the time the judge said it was time for lunch, you were desperate for him.

You were ready to attack him by lunch time.

“His lawyer is already second guessing himself; he’s stumbling over himself, so we just need to keep up the same line of questioning. Both of them are unprepared,” Andy scoffed, turning down a street that was a block away from where the first sin took place.

“Don’t go easy on the co-worker, she may be timid, but there’s definitely more there,” you mumbled, looking out the window and trying to ignore all of your desperate and needy thoughts.

“You think there’s something there? I don’t peg her as the type-”

“Turn down this street,” you interrupted before you could stop yourself.

“What?”

“Turn down this street,” you repeated, palming him over his pants.

Andy caught on in an instant.

“Gonna need you to do more than that, Sweetheart,” he growled, knowing exactly where to go.

You wasted no time unbuckling his belt and undoing his pants, freeing and stroking him, before finally getting your mouth on him.

“Holy fuck!” Andy hissed, gripping your hair tight so he could guide your head to where he needed you most. He pulled into the parking lot you two fucked in less than a week ago. “Fuck, you’re amazing!” he moaned, pushing and pulling your head up and down.

You couldn’t bring yourself to care about your own self anger. All you cared about was pleasing him and bringing him off. Wanting to please him had become your new obsession in less than a week. You weren’t even ashamed.

He pulled you off of him almost instantly when he reached the back of your throat and you gagged on him. When you met his gaze, his eyes told you that he wasn’t fucking around. His ragged breathing and lust filled eyes let you know that he was as desperate as you were.

“Fuck me, now,” he commanded in a breathy and low moan.

You were straddling and sinking yourself down on him in no time at all.

“You’re all I’ve been thinking about since last Friday night,” Andy moaned as you ground your hips against his.

“Then why were you fucking everyone else?” you questioned, your pace quickening as his grip on you tightened, chasing the release only he could give you.

“Needed...fuck! Needed to make you want me,” he confessed, his upthrusts becoming erratic.

“I always want you, Andy...always,” you whimpered as you felt the knot in your stomach tightening. “So close,”

“You know what I need from you sweet girl,” he grunted while he thrusts, coming harder and harder.

“Fuck!” you screamed as you came undone all over him.

Andy followed soon after, yelling your name along with a million other obscenities. You both sat there, you leaning against him as he wrapped his arms tightly around your waist, trying to catch your breaths.

It was amazing how you could feel so terrible and so good at the same time.

“We need to get back,” you breathed after a moment, remembering that you both had jobs to do.

The drive back was a mix of silence, sexual tension, and desperate longing. You saw Andy move to grab your hand out of the corner of your eye, but, thinking better of it, he retreated and rested his hand on the console. You tried to make sense of all of it in your head, but kept ending up stuck.

It was wrong and you knew it. All of it was so wrong, but you couldn’t stop. You didn’t want to. Andy was fun (when he wanted to be) and made you feel things no one else ever had. You two could debate about laws and politics, laugh about the most stupid and random things, focus on silence on whatever you two were doing, and turn each other on with a simple glance.

That night, you two fucked for hours in his office, you both demanding control time after time, but Andy winning in the end. That’s when you told yourself that you would only keep it going during the trial. When all was said and done, you’d walk away from him and he’d go back to living his unhappy fairy tale.

The problem? You two didn’t stop after that.

When Andy won the trial, you both celebrated in the backseat of your car, drunk out of your minds, and your only thoughts were of satisfying each other. After all was said and done, you both agreed to stop.

However, that Monday night, Andy showed up at your Aunt Lynne’s office while you were working hard- and you didn’t deny him. You didn’t deny him the following night when you made an excuse to stay late, and you sure as shit didn’t deny him when you found him waiting for you by your car the next night.

Andy belonged to you just as much as you belonged to him.

So, you came up with rules to follow to make sure that it didn’t go past anything besides indecent fucking. The rules were easy enough to follow when Andy needed a mid-day release, but all of the lines became blurred during the late night sessions.

You’d always stay after and help him. Whether it was by helping him look through files of evidence or offering him a form of release. If Andy stayed late, you stayed late. The fact that you two didn’t get caught was a mystery to the both of you.

“I should get going,” you sighed one night, laying against Andy on his office sofa, “we both should.”

“Let me stay over tonight,” Andy said simply, finishing up what he was typing on his laptop while you rolled your eyes.

He brought up sleeping over at least once a week. “Don’t start-”

“Y/N, why not? We’re already sleeping together and there’s obviously something going on between us-”

“It’s just sex, Andy,” you quickly interrupted while pulling the blanket off of you.

“Is that what you tell yourself? With all your rules in place?” Andy smirked, cockiness in his eyes when he finally met your gaze.

“Can’t you just be happy that you got me on your office floor like every other woman in here?”

“No, cause you’re not every other woman in here,” he shrugged, following your lead and getting dressed.

“Don’t. We both agreed-”

“Things change Y/N.”

“Andy, this stays what it is or we have to stop. I’m not having this argument again.”

“Fine,” he huffed like a petulant child.

After that, he became even more demanding of your time and attention. It wasn’t enough for him to have you after hours and his temper was getting worse. Then Laurie stormed into the office day.

There wasn’t anyone in the building who didn’t hear that.

“What the fuck are these Andy?!” Laurie roared, storming into his office, slamming the door shut behind her.

“Don’t be surprised! I told you months ago that if you didn’t get your shit together-”

“We have an agreement! You fuck all your little whores and-”

“And what? Fucking say it! I wanna hear you admit it, Laurie!”

“Admit what?! You lied to me, Andy! Multiple times-”

“Because you couldn’t handle the truth! I told you the truth and what did you do, Laurie?! What?!”

“I told you I was sorry! That I didn’t mean it, I was just upset!”

“You shot first Laurie, not me! You have everyone painting me as the bad guy like I didn’t fucking try! You don’t love me anymore and I can deal with that! I’ve been dealing with it since that day, but I told you that when it comes to Jacob-”

“I’m not signing these fucking papers, Andy! This is bullshit!”

“You really wanna do this? You want to get into a legal battle with me?”

“Is that a fucking threat?”

“You tell me!” Andy snarled.

With that Laurie was swinging the door open just as forcefully as she shut it and storming out of the building. Ten minutes later, you received a text from Andy telling you to meet him in the parking garage.

“Andy,” you moaned as he continued to relentlessly fuck into you against the wall “someone could see!”

“Then let them. I don’t give a fuck, I just need to feel you,” he grunted, his grip on you tightening as your legs tightened around his waist “I always need you.”

After that day, Andy seemed to care very little about being caught. You weren’t sure if it was because he wanted to hurt Laurie or if he had truly just stopped giving a fuck about anything, but he didn’t do much to try and keep it secret. Parking lots, in the theater during empty matinee showings, public bathrooms, and in the parking lot of the park on weekends.

However, you also started thinking that he was doing it to hurt you. You were denying him what he wanted, and it was starting to feel as if he was reminding you that you could just be another object to him. Of course, it’s not like you ever stopped him. You could’ve stopped at any time but you always said yes. You always took whatever he had to offer, because you couldn’t stop.

You would never be Andy’s because too much had happened and you just couldn’t afford to be hurt again, but at least you could have him physically. That was better than nothing, wasn’t it?

At least, that’s what you told yourself.

You ignored the parts of you that were screaming and begging for more, the parts that hurt whenever it did feel like he was using you as an object, and the parts of you that told you you were just as terrible as all the women your father slept with behind your mother’s back. You mainly ignored the parts of you that were starting to hate yourself all together, because having just a part of Andy was better than having none of him at all.

No, you didn’t ever deny him, but you didn’t always give him what he wanted exactly when he wanted it. That would earn you a punishment.

AB: Meet me at my car for lunch.

Y/N: I can’t today, I have to work through lunch.

AB: Are you telling me no?

Y/N: I’m telling you you’ll have to wait until later.

AB: Okay.

Y/N: Don’t be mad.

AB: I’m not. You said later. Later it is.

That had your legs clenching together in want and your stomach churning with anxiety. When Andy punished you, he was cruel in the most pleasurable ways. Sometimes, it felt as if it might be too much, but he always knew when you’d hit your limit. While he might have pushed it a few times, he was never too terrible. However, the look in his eyes when you approached your car that night told you that might change.

“I had to work, Andy. I’m my Aunt’s assistant,” you sighed, fishing out your car keys from your purse.

“I understand that. Keep your keys in your purse, I’ll take you home tonight.”

“I can’t leave my car here over night,” you quipped, looking up to meet his lustful and domineering stare.

You knew it would be best not to argue anymore at that point.

He told you to walk in front of him and he followed close behind. The moment you were close enough to his car, he pressed you against it and forced your skirt up.

“Andy not here, please,” you moaned, embarrassed by how excited you already were for him degrade and pleasure you. “The night crew is here and they could see us.”

“Shouldn’t have kept me waiting then,” he grunted, before ripping off your panties off before starting to teasingly rub your clit. “Did you get all your work done?”

“Y-yes,” you moaned, wanting to ask for more but knowing he’d deny you.

“Do you need me to let you finish anything else?”

“No,” you whimpered.

“No who?” he grunted harshly, roughly pulling your hair with his free hand.

“No Daddy!”

“Good girl,” he muttered before starting to bite and suck on the hollow of your neck.

“Fuck...fuck please!” you begged, almost at your climax.

“I could, but then you wouldn’t learn your lesson, would you?” he taunted before removing his hand. He chuckled at your pitiful whimper as he undid his belt buckle. “You know better than to deny me, Sweetheart.”

Without any warning, Andy thrust himself into you and you let out silent cry. You had been dreaming about him deep inside you all day, and the feeling of him finally inside of you was enough to send you over that euphoric cliff already.

“Fuck, I’m so sorry!” you moaned, feeling yourself getting closer to the edge that only he could bring you to.

“Sorry for keeping me waiting? Or sorry for being a little fucking brat?”

“All of it, I’m so fucking sorry!” you whined, balling your hands into fists, as you felt yourself clench around him and readied yourself for a powerful orgasm.

“Not yet you’re not,” he grunted before pulling out.

“Daddy!”

“Get in the car and you better not fucking cum,” he demanded as put himself back into his pants.

“Please-”

“Don’t make this worse for yourself,” he smirked, buckling his belt.

You had no clue where he was taking you, but he was going painfully slow. He made you fondle and play with yourself while he was driving, and when you two were at red lights (which you were fairly sure he went out of his way to make sure he caught every single one) he would fuck you with his fingers hard and fast, pulling them away right were on the verge of sweet release. By the time you two reached your destination, you were on the verge of tears.

You looked out the window and instantly knew where you were.

“Andy, please not here!” you panted in a panicked voice.

“What did you just call me?”

“Daddy please, she could see us!”

“We can do that entire car ride again,” he chuckled darkly, as he took himself out of his pants “and this time with you choking on my cock the entire time. Choice is yours,” he grinned as he stroked himself. He saw you clench thighs together and his grin quickly went away. “You better not cum you little slut.”

“Daddy please!” you cried, desperate for release but also desperate to be parked anywhere other than outside his house.

“As you wish, open that pretty little mouth,” he demanded starting the car.

“Fuck,” you sighed before climbing over to the driver’s side and straddling him. You weren’t going to fool yourself into thinking that you’d be able handle any of that again. Besides, the desire you felt for Andy was bigger than the shame you felt for fucking him right outside of his house while his wife was inside.

“There’s my good girl,” Andy groaned as you slowly sunk yourself down on him “and you’re so fucking wet.”

“Please,” you moaned at the feel him deep inside of you “please let me cum, Daddy!”

“Not just yet, Sweetheart. You always say you won’t make me wait anymore, then you do. Gotta make sure you mean it this time,” Andy grunted as he gripped your hips tighter, thrusting into you harder.

“Fuck, fuck!” you cried out, gripping his shoulders and digging your nails into his skin. “I swear I won’t do it again, I promise!”

“Do you know how bad I wanna fuck you in my bed? Fall asleep next to you instead of her?” he questioned, completely ignoring your pleas. “I’ve thought about it so much. I’ve gotten off to it time after time...shit!”

“Daddy!” you cried, tears coming down your face, at both his words and your need for release.

“God, I love when you’re like this,” he moaned, looking up at you “a desperate little slut for me. Cause you’re my desperate little slut, right? Mine alone?” he questioned before planting desperate and feverish kisses all over your neck.

“Yes!” you cried out, too desperate to argue. “I’m all yours Daddy, please! I’ll be such a good girl, just please! I need to cum so bad! Need you to cum deep inside me!”

“Fuck! Cum for me right now!” Andy grunted, his grip becoming painfully tighter.

You screamed his name loud as the world faded around you. It may have been the most stressful and energy consuming orgasm you’d ever had, but fuck all if it wasn’t the best. You only started to come back down when you heard Andy yell your name while his hot seed spilled inside of you. Both shame and pleasure were running through you and you didn’t know how to deal with either.

“You took it too far this time, Andy,” you breathed after a moment.

“Did I hurt you? Are you okay?” Andy asked frantically, looking up and meeting your gaze as his hands traveled all over your body searching for any scratches and/or bruises.

“He could have been here. Jacob.”

“I wouldn’t do that to you, you know that. He’s with Sarah tonight.”

“He was here the last time and we almost got caught.”

“He wasn’t supposed to be here last time,” Andy sighed.

“We’ve gotta stop. This isn’t...we can’t keep this up.”

“Baby-”

“And I’ve told you a million times, no pet names. This isn’t working anymore-”

“We’re not gonna stop, Y/N,” Andy harshly interrupted, softly starting to rub your clit, as you felt him get excited again.

“Andy don’t,” you moaned, slowly grinding your hips against his.

“We’re not gonna stop because we don’t want to.”

“Yes I do,” you lied, placing your hands on his shoulders, picking up pace and clenching around him.

“Don’t lie to me when I’m inside of you,” he growled, harshly upthrusting into you. “We’re not stopping.”

“Andy!”

“You feel bad about fucking me outside of my house while she’s inside? Fuck her! It should be you in there, in my bed, in my house, in my life!”

“Andy please,” you moaned softly, a single tear leaving your eye. It was all too much and all too wrong.

“Tell me you really don’t want this anymore and we’ll stop. Tell me you don’t want me and I’ll leave you alone for good,” he grunted, his thrusting becoming harder and faster. When you didn’t answer, his grip on you got painfully tighter as he chased both of your releases. “Stop telling yourself this is wrong, because everything about this is right. Everything about us is right!”

“Andy please! I...I..shit!” you screamed, orgasm crashing over you hard as you leaned back against the steering wheel. The horn beeped, scaring you into a tiny leap even closer into Andy’s chest. He could feel your rapid heartbeat. He didn’t mind; he just took it as an opportunity to hold you as close as possible.

“We won’t stop because we don’t want to and we can’t. Stop denying yourself...the both of us, of what we really want,” he panted after a beat.

“You should take me home,” you breathed, wiping the few other tears that left your eyes.

Andy took a look at you and his face instantly went from calm and content, to heartbroken and defeated.

That night, the car ride to your place was silent. The drives were usually filled with discussions about work, weekend plans, or debates about about the movies you both loved and they were great or why they sucked. However, nothing felt carefree or innocent that night. You couldn’t ignore the feelings of shame and regret like you usually could, and Andy could tell that he was losing you. The hold that he had on you and your emotions was starting to loosen and he could tell it was a matter of time before you left him all together.

When he got to your apartment that night, he turned to say something to you, but you were out the of the car before he had a chance to even open his mouth.

As you cried yourself to sleep that night, you told yourself that was the last time. You couldn’t keep pretending that everything was fine and that the lines were blurred because his marriage was still in the shitter. Whatever the hell was or wasn’t happening in his marriage wasn’t enough to make him push harder for a divorce, so why the hell did you keep telling yourself that he’d choose you? No, enough was enough and you told yourself you’d be stronger. You needed to be stronger.

The next day you didn’t even bother to look his way. When he popped into Lynne’s office to ask her about a case, you didn’t even bother to acknowledge him when he said hi. You ignored his texts throughout the day and his phone calls later that night. It hurt like hell, but you told yourself it would be easier as time went on.

Only, it never did. Sex aside, you missed Andy. You missed laughing with him, you missed talking to him, you missed how thoughtful he was after sex and always making sure you were okay, you missed the way he looked at you, you missed the softness of his voice, his scent, the way he’d smile at you when no one was paying attention...you missed him. The fact that he stopped texting and calling as much only made it worse. Why was something that was supposed to be the right thing making you feel so terrible?

You two kept up the act for 4 weeks before Andy finally caved.

“Hey,” he said softly as he made his way into the break room as you made your coffee.

“Hi,” you responded quietly, keeping your eyes on the cup in front of you as you stirred the sugar you’d just added.

“Oh, you’re talking to me now?” he questioned, a hint of irritation in his tone. You looked up to see his gaze on you and he looked....hurt? Had you hurt him? Did he miss you just as much as you missed him?

There’s no way.

“There’s no harm in saying hi,” you responded meekly, turning your attention back to your coffee. “How have you been?”

“I miss you,” he all but whispered, slowly making his way towards you. Almost as if he was afraid you’d run away from him.

“Don’t do this, Andy. Not here,” you said, hands starting to tremor, but you didn’t move an inch.

“Then where? You won’t see me or return my calls or texts!”

“Because it’s wrong! All of this is-”

“Stop saying it’s wrong,” he demanded in a low growl “you know I don’t want to-”

“You’re still married to her, Andy. No matter how fucked up your marriage is, you’re still married to her. Besides, you can fuck anyone in this office. It’s not like you haven’t already.”

“You’re still going to say that this is only sex?”

You didn’t have to look up at him know that had hurt him. “Andy, what do you want me to say? What do you want me to believe?” You looked up at him, tears in your eyes.

“Y/N I-”

“Ahem.”

You both jumped and turned your attention to the entry way to see your Aunt Lynne standing there, stern look on her face and arms folded across her chest.

Fuck.

“I have to go,” you stated simply before grabbing your coffee and making your way out.

Your Aunt was on your heels and when she slammed the door shut behind her, you knew she wasn’t going to drop it.

“Seriously? After everything with your parents?!” she snapped, taking a seat at her desk.

“Nothing’s going on,” you lied.

“It didn’t look like nothing’s going on!”

“I told you I didn’t want to work with him and you practically sold me to him to keep him happy!”

“So this is my fault?”

“You know the kind of man he is, what he does, and how he acts. You know and you do nothing about it. Don’t point your finger at me when you’re partially responsible!”

Lynne was thoughtful before she spoke. “I let Andy act like that out of guilt. I’m the one who rushed to judgment and flipped his and his family’s lives upside down. The traumas he never wanted to talk about, the trouble in his marriage, the fact that Jacob hates to go anywhere....that’s on me,” she sighed. “So yes, I let him act like an asshole and do nothing about it, because I betrayed him. However,” she snapped, narrowing her eyes at you “I trusted you. You know everything your mom went through-”

“This isn’t the same!” you harshly interrupted, sounding like a whiny child.

“As long as the ring is on his finger, it’s the same damn thing!”

“He takes the ring off!” you yelled before you could stop yourself.

“Jesus Christ Y/N!”

You took a deep breath and wiped your eyes before responding. “I haven’t done anything with him in a month, okay? I haven’t returned his texts or phone calls and today’s the first time I’ve spoken with him since I broke it off. Your golden boy can go back to him only fucking people who aren’t related to you,” you cried, your tears coming harder at the realization of last part of what you said.

Your Aunt’s features softened at that. “Y/N-”

“Please just don’t, okay? I’m fine and everything is back to the way that it was. Excuse me.”

You got up and quickly made your way out of her office. You were so focused on getting to the bathroom to get yourself together, you didn’t notice that someone was coming straight towards you.

“I’m so s-sorry,” you stuttered as you collided with them.

“Hey, it’s okay. No big deal, I’m not dead,” a soft voice chuckled in response. You looked up to see Neal standing there with a small smile on his face. “You okay? That sounded pretty intense.”

“Yeah, it’s fine. I’m fine, family can be stressful sometimes,” you laughed softly.

From that moment on, Neal made it a point to greet you daily. The greetings turned into little conversations in the hall, conversations turned into eating lunch together, and eating lunch together turned into him walking to your car each night. You knew that Andy could see what was happening and he wasn’t happy about it.

AB: So you’re fucking Neal now?

Y/N: I’m not doing anything with anyone.

AB: That’s not what it looks like to me and everyone else.

Y/N: I don’t care what it looks like to you and everyone else. It’s not anyone’s business what or who I’m doing.

AB: It’s mine.

Y/N: No it’s not, Andy. I’m not yours and you aren’t mine.

AB: That’s not what you told me when were in front of my house.

Y/N: Don’t start that.

AB: Don’t start what? Reminding you of all the things you said when I was deep inside of you, or the way I had you begging for me?

Y/N: I’m going to bed.

AB: I’m coming over.

Y/N: What? No, you can’t come over!

AB: You can either meet me outside or let me up. Though, I’m really hoping you let me up, so I can finally fuck you like I’ve been wanting to.

You scowled in frustration because you knew he was serious. You slipped on a pair of pajama pants, a tank top, and pair of slippers before making your way outside to meet him. He was at your place in five minutes.

“Get in,” he growled as he rolled down the window.

“No, you need to go home to your wife and child.”

“Y/N, I swear to God I will make tonight a living hell for you. Get in the fucking car!” he demanded.

Oh, he was furious.

You rolled your eyes and got in the car, before Andy sped off, barely giving you a chance to close the door.

“Can you try not to kill us? Thanks.”

“Who the fuck do you think you are?”

“Andy, you’re the one demanding me to meet you and get in your fucking car like a spoiled little shit. Who the fuck do you think you are?”

“You wanna parade your relationship with Neal, of all people, around the office and you expect me to be happy about that shit?!”

“I’m not dating Neal!”

“You and I both know he’s a bad joke away from asking you out. Don’t play stupid.”

“I’m not fucking playing anything,” you snapped at him, finally looking in his direction. His hands were gripping the steering wheel tight and you knew he was doing all he could to not snap on you. “IF Neal does ask me out, I can say yes. You’re not gonna stop me from being happy.”

Andy chuckled at that. “You don’t really think that he can make you happy. Don’t fucking lie to me. We both know that you’re just using him to get over me.”

“Fuck you!”

“I wish you would,” he smirked before parking by the water front. “You’re not going out with Neal.”

“You’re not the fucking boss of me, Andy. I can sleep with whoever the fuck I want. I can date whoever the fuck I want.”

“What’s between us isn’t over,” he growled before leaning over the console and kissing you deeply.

You pushed him off of you and slapped him hard. “Fuck you! We’re not starting this up again!”

“You can’t start something you never stopped,” he smirked, a devilish grin on face.

You saw the look of love, lust, determination, and fear in his eyes. You wished it hadn’t meant anything to you, but it meant everything. Before you could talk yourself out of it, you were on him. Kissing him hard and desperately. You really had tried to be strong, but what was the point? Andy had still shown up at your place and you still ended up in his car. The two of you would always find your way back to each other.

“Get your ass in that backseat and take off your pants,” he breathed out, when you two finally broke apart.

“Andy,” you whispered, breathless. Trying to use the little bit of defiance you had left.

“You know how much I hate repeating myself,” he growled.

That was all it took.

You were laid across the backseat of his car in an instant, and wasted no time following you, spreading your legs apart and his fingers lightly tracing over where your body needed him most.

“Always so wet for me,” Andy groaned before dipping down and teasingly licking your clit. “Fuck, missed having you like this for me. Missed you so much,” he moaned before sucking on your clit while he fucked into you with his fingers.

“Fuck! Andy!” you cried out, gripping his hair and pulling him as close as you could.

He was relentless between your legs and you lost count of how many times he brought you off with his tongue, smirking each time he screamed out in pleasure as you coated his tongue with what he desired most. When he brought off for the final time, you pushed him away. You needed him. All of him.

“Take off your clothes and sit down,” you demanded breathlessly.

Andy did as he was told, keeping his eyes on you as you watched him while playing with yourself. “Someone’s needy tonight.”

“And you fucking love it,” you growled, sitting up and straddling him.

“I really fucking do,” he groaned as set yourself down on him slowly.

“Fuck!” you moaned softly, loving the feel of him splitting you apart after so long. “Andy!”

“Missed you so much, Sweetheart!” Andy moaned, his gaze intense on you while you rode him. “Thought about nothing else but being with you.”

“Yeah? Even while fucking other women in your office?”

“There hasn’t been anyone since you. There’s only ever been you for me,” he confessed breathlessly, before planting kisses all along your chest.

“Andy...please,” you moaned, tears filling your eyes.

“You’re all I want, Y/N. That’s never going to change.”

“Fuck, fuck, fuck!” you whispered as you clenched around him, his confession making your heart bleed with all of the emotions you had been hiding from. “Andy..I...”

“It’s okay baby, I know,” he grunted, his grip on you getting tighter “not gonna last much longer, Sweetheart!”

“I need it, Andy...need to feel you,” you whimpered, feeling the knot in your stomach about to snap.

“Shit!” Andy cried out, cumming hard filling you with his hot seed.

“Yes!” you cried out as your own release hit hard, digging your nails into his shoulders.

You both just stayed there for a moment; breathing heavy and relishing in the comfort you two only found in each other. You didn’t need or want anything else. You were in heaven.

“Don’t go out with Neal,” Andy finally pleaded more than demanded. “Don’t go out with anyone.”

“Andy...just don’t.”

“What more do you want from me?”

“You to divorce her.”

“In a few years-”

“Years?! How is that fair to me, Andy? I know there are complications, but I can’t just be your fuck buddy for the next years and-”

“You know this is more than that. I just told you-”

“While you’re married, that’s all this is.”

“Y/N-”

“Just take me home, Andy.”

Andy stopped trying to plead his case to you and once again, the drive to your place was quiet. Two days later Neal asked you out, you said yes, Andy fucked you in his office, you told him the news, you two argued, you two fucked some more, and that was that.

It hurt like hell, but what else could you do? You refused to get hurt like your mother did, and if that meant staying away from the one man who could make or break you, then so be it.

Andy’s P.O.V

“Andy, are you okay?” Laurie calls from the other side of the bathroom door.

“I’m fine,” Andy grunts, eyes clenched shut as he continues getting himself off at the thought of you beneath him, begging him not to stop.

“Well, you’re gonna be late,” Laurie sighs, her tone brimming with frustration.

“I’ll be where I need to be on time,” he again grunts, trying not to lose his train of thought, and trying his best not to let Laurie ruin another orgasm.

“Whatever,” she exhales before Andy hears her steps retreating away from the bathroom door.

This was all Andy had now; sporadic moments in the shower or in his home office when he could think of you and get off to the thought of you. Neal and you have been dating for 6 months and every day that he’s forced to see you two together his rage ignites all over again. He was forced to be reminded daily of all the things he wasn’t and that you had: that you were now underneath someone else, that someone else was making you happy, making you laugh, making you feel special, feeling your warmth, knowing your kind and generous heart, holding your attention. To make matters even worse, he knew that someone undeserving had your attention. It’s not like he doesn’t know that he himself was undeserving, but that doesn’t stop Andy from loving you.

“Fu...fuck!” Andy moans, coming undone from the memories he has of you and him together in the most intimate of ways releases and paints the shower tiles.

He pants as he lays his head against the wall, water beads cascading down his back as the shower continues running.

He knows his misery is his own fault. All of this was his creation. He knows he should’ve stayed away from you, but he loves a challenge. He knows that he shouldn’t have approached you outside the bar that night, but he didn’t like not getting his way. He knows that one time should’ve been enough, but you were just too damn enticing.

You would be his and his alone if he hadn’t slept with every woman in the office, if he hadn’t been so cocky, if he hadn’t been so arrogant and prideful, and if he hadn’t been so cowardly.

It’s not even like he meant to fall for you. That was never a part of the plan.

The way you looked at him let him know that you wanted nothing to do with him. All you wanted was for him to let you go about your business and stay out of your way. Maybe that’s what drew him to you. Every other woman made it obvious how badly they wanted him, but you...you went out of your way to avoid him.

That’s when he decided the challenge was on.

It should have been enough when you were riding him in his car, begging and screaming for more, and it would have been if you were anyone else.

However, he hadn’t expected you to be as mind numbing and all consuming as you had been that night, and he needed more of you. You were the drug he craved, the reason he is a brand new fiend; and you not wanting him at all the next time he saw you? He hadn’t been expecting that. It was surprisingly, quietly, devastating.

When hes finally had enough of pitying himself, he cleans off his shower wall with his wash cloth before turning off the water and getting out of his shower. He looks himself over in the bathroom mirror as dried himself off as he shook his head. Even though seeing you at work made him miserable, it was the only time he could see you at all.

That was better than nothing at all.

He makes his way back into the bedroom and starts to get dressed, feeling a small sense of a dread at the day ahead of him. It’s not enough that Andy has to see you and Neal laughing with each other, Lynne had been riding him ever since she became aware of what had been going on between the two of you. He’s going to be stuck in meetings with the both of you all day, and he wasn’t excited about any of it.

Well, he is excited to spend as close to a full day with you as possible.

“Andy,” Laurie calls softly, interrupting Andy’s thoughts “why don’t we go out for dinner tonight?”

“What? Why?” he questions, disgust written all over his face.

“Last week...we made love and maybe-”

“I was drunk, Laurie,” Andy snaps, hoping she’ll quickly drop it. “Both of us were.”

He really didn’t want to sleep with her, but he was drunk and lonely. So lonely. Sex with random women was never the same after you, so he didn’t see the point in going out. Jacob wasn’t home and Laurie was in the master bedroom and on her third glass of wine.

Andy was hopeful that he’d feel something by sleeping the woman he once loved, but it was more empty than his office sexcapades. He truly didn’t love her and the entire time he was inside of her, he wished it was you. When all was said and done, she asked him to stay and he was kind enough to stay until she fell asleep.

That was the worst night of sleep he’d had in a while.

“There was still something there,” she quietly responds. “I know it’s been ugly between the both of us a for a while, but maybe if-”

“What about Jacob?”

“He’s going to be at Sarah’s tonight. Andy, there’s no harm in going out and trying. Remember the last time we went out?”

“In Mexico? Where you were happy to pretend until you weren’t?” he snaps harshly as he buttons his cuff links.

“Andy please, there’s no harm in-”

“Maybe. I’ll think about it and get back to you,” he sighs as throws on his suit jacket “I have to go. Talk to you later.”

Andy rushed out the door, giving Jacob a small kiss on the top of his head, before rushing to his car and speeding to work. He sighs in relief when he gets to work and sees that you aren’t there.

Watching you arrive at work had become one of his most favorite things.

Most of the time you’re alone. He likes watching you get out all of your nerves and jitters, before talking yourself into going into the big building which Andy has now become come to see as a big building of bullshit. He’s hopeful that you’ll be alone today, so he can take you in and remember you as his girl.

His girl and his alone.

However, his hopes are soon replaced by a scowl. Everything seems fine at first. Andy’s ready to get out of his car and storm into work until he sees you pull into a parking spot. He sees your hair whip violently as you turn towards Neal, a look of pure disdain etched into you.

That has him full of hope for something else.

You and Neal are clearly arguing and Andy wishes he could figure out what it’s about. Andy sees you pointing your finger in his face while yelling, and that has him twitching to life.

He misses how stern you can be about anything.

He watches Neal lean closer to you as he raises his voice. Andy instinctively clutches his steering wheel in an attempt to keep himself at bay as his blood pressure rises.

No matter what the argument is about, he has no right to yell at you that way.

A smile comes to his face when he sees you not backing down, visibly yelling louder. Neal tries to get a word out and you don’t allow it, clearly fed up with whatever he has to say. Andy couldn’t be more proud of you for holding your ground. Neal made a small attempt to say something else before surrendering and getting out of your car, slamming the door shut.

Andy’s happiness is short lived when he sees you start crying. He knows you’re only crying tears of frustration but it’s still enough to break his heart. In this moment, he takes a minute to wonder if he has ever seen you truly happy since you’ve called things off with him. Your smile’s been off, you look more tired than not, your hair seemed more out of place lately, and you never look happy to be alone with him when the two of you sit outside at the picnic benches for lunch.

Andy feels like a total moron when it dawns on him: you’re not happy at all.

You wipe your tears away and quickly reapply your makeup before giving yourself some sort of small pep-talk and getting out of your car. Andy watches as your pace quickens with every step you take toward the office, and he lets you get far enough away from him before exiting his vehicle inconspicuously.

Andy hurries, almost getting too close, when he lets a few people go in front of him before following you up the steps. He pauses a moment as you walk into your aunt��s office, following after.

“You’re here early,” Lynne snaps, looking at Andy with a raised eyebrow.

“You know me and meetings: it’s better to show up as early as possible to get them done as quickly as possible,” he sighs, taking a seat and opening up his brief case.

“That’s true,” Lynne sighs as she shrugs at Andy.

Lynne turns to you, handing you a stack of papers. “I need you to drop this off in Neal’s office.”

“Oh...I uh...I-”

“I can take them, I have to run to my office anyway. I left some papers in there,” Andy offers, standing up and reaching for them. He knows you’re still upset and he doesn’t want you crying anymore for the day.

“Okay...” Lynne agrees, looking from Andy to you.

“I’ll be right back,” he nods towards you before dashing out.

Andy takes his time walking to Neal’s office, telling himself that he needs to keep his composure. He’s well aware that going off on Neal will only make things harder for you, but he’s still upset over the fact that you were crying in your car only moments ago. He’s right outside of Neal’s office when he hears him in the middle of a conversation with a co-worker.

“Yeah no, she’s great about everything,” Neal snickers, “so I’m gonna take her out to dinner tonight as a little ‘keep up the good work’ incentive,” he chuckles, as whomever he’s speaking with laughs along.

Andy’s fighting the urge to storm into Neal’s office and punch him in the face, and he’s hoping that you can somehow feel his love for you in that moment.

“Dude, you’re so lucky. The only woman in this office who hasn’t fucked Barber is wrapped around your finger,” the other guy remarks between laughs. “Well, her, her aunt, and Duffy.”

“Yeah, so you know I had to make a move before I was only left with either her Aunt or Duffy,” Neal laughs.

“That’s a huge win,” the guy snickers, “where are you taking her tonight?”

“Buttonwood should make her happy enough,” Neal sighs as if it’s some big chore. “It’ll keep me out of trouble for at least another week or so,” he scoffs.

“Hey Neal,” Andy interrupts casually, masking the fact that he was ready to kill both Neal and his co-worker on the spot, “Lynne wanted me to drop these off for you,” he smiles, handing Neal the documents Lynne wanted taken care of.

“Thanks, ready for back to back meetings with Y/N and her aunt?” Neal smiles, but Andy doesn’t miss the cockiness in his eyes.

“Just hoping to keep them both satisfied,” Andy smirks as Neal frowns, “you guys have a great day though,” Andy smiles at the other guy before walking out.

Andy quickly makes his way to his office, before slamming the door shut and kicking his desk a few times to release some of his anger. He’s relieved that he was the one who delivered those documents and not you, because what if you had heard him? What if you had seen the smug look on Neal’s face?

Before Andy can stop himself, he’s pulling out his phone and texting Laurie that they have dinner reservations at Buttonwood at 7, before he calls the restaurant and makes the reservation. In the back of his mind he knows it’s cruel, but he can’t stop himself. He doesn’t want to.

He needs you to know how he feels. He needs his wife to know, and he definitely needs Neal to know that he’s just a rebound.

After getting himself together, Andy grabs a few random files and a pen before quickly making his way to back to Lynne’s office.

“Everything okay?” you ask softly as he takes a seat.

“It will be,” he smiles at you before opening up one of his folders.

Andy does his best to focus on what’s happening and being sad as the day  drags along, but he’s finding it hard to pay attention to anything. He needs to figure out the right things to say tonight, as well as figuring out how the hell to navigate the aftermath.

Most importantly: he needs to figure out how to make you his once and for all.

Work comes to an end quicker than he expects and Andy finds himself constantly racing: to home, then to get himself dressed for dinner, then getting Laurie ready and out the door for dinner. The entire drive to the restaurant she drones on about her day and maybe taking a family trip soon. Once again Andy feels slightly terrible for what’s about to take place, but it’s not enough for him to back down.

Once they get to the restaurant, Andy scans the room until he finds you sitting with Neal. He sees the small scowl on your face. Andy asks the hostess for a seat next to the both of you before taking a deep breath.

It’s now or never.

“Andy? Hey!” Neal smiles, once Andy and his wife take a seat. “Oh wow! Didn’t expect to see you guys here tonight,” he smiles as you avoid his gaze.

“Hey!” Andy smiles, acting surprised to see the both of you as both he and Laurie take their seats. “Don’t mind us-”

“Sit with us!” Neal offers and Andy sees you roll your eyes.

“We don’t want to impose,” Laurie smiles kindly and Andy knows she’s trying to stay as far away from him as possible.

He can’t blame her for that.

“No imposition at all,” Neal replies, looking at both Andy and Laurie as if he’s begging for them to save him.

‘Maybe this won’t be as hard as I thought’ Andy thinks to himself. “Why not? We’re all friends here after all,” Andy smiles at you, and you sink into your chair slightly.

“What brings you two out?” Neal asks as Andy and Laurie pull their chairs over to his table.

“Jacob’s out so we figured we’d have a nice night out ourselves,” Laurie beams, squeezing Andy’s hand.

“Funny, we’re supposed to be doing the same thing,” you mumble before taking a sip of your wine.

“Yeah, but it’s always nice to see friends,” Neal snaps politely.

“Are you two celebrating anything special?” Andy asks, noticing you making little circles on the table.

It’s a habit of yours that only makes an appearance when you’re nervous or uncomfortable. For a moment Andy thinks he should call it off, but he can’t. Not when he’s so close.

“Y/N was asked to show some of her art at the upcoming art festival next weekend,” Neal beamed.

“That’s amazing,” Andy smiled, genuinely happy for you. He knows how hard you’ve worked for your art and how happy it makes you.

“It’s really no big deal,” you smile sheepishly, sitting up a little.

“Yes it is. You’ve worked really hard on your art and it’s about time your work got some recognition,” Andy smiles, as you both gaze lovingly at each other.

“I would love to see your work,” Laurie interrupts, clearing her throat and trying to pretend that she doesn’t feel the chemistry between you and Andy.  

“The showing is going to be at the Rosenberg Art Studio,” Neal quickly responds as the waiter asks for both Laurie and Andy’s drink orders.

“That’s great! I remember you telling me about the Rosenberg studio when we...” Andy trails off remembering how you two had gotten on the topic and finished the discussion by fucking in his car in front of said art studio.

“When you two what?” Laurie smiles, but her eyes are screaming murder when they land on Andy.

“When we worked on the sex offender case. That guy Joshua,” Andy responds, meeting her gaze as the drinks are brought to the table, but his eyes showing her that she has every reason to feel hurt.

“That’s right! I forgot you two worked together on that case!” Neal recalls with a small laugh.

Andy can tell that Neal’s only laughing because he thinks that’s when he lost out on his chance with you and can’t stop his jealousy from getting the best of him. “Yeah, she’s the best assistant I’ve ever had,” Andy smiles deviously before taking a sip of his scotch.

Your eyes go wide before you scowl at him and Andy can tell that Neal has caught the double meaning.

“If you all will excuse me, I’m gonna run to the bathroom for a moment,” you mumble, getting up and practically sprinting to the bathroom.

Andy is at war with himself debating whether or not he should follow you, and the more he hears Laurie and Neal make awkward small talk, the more he feels the need to be with you.

He doesn’t even excuse himself before he gets up and rushes to the women’s bathroom.

“Get out,” you snarl at him as soon as he’s inside.

“Why are you here with him? Why are you with him at all?”

“Why are you here? Laurie is practically grasping for straws out there and you’re acting as if everything is fine.”

“So are you,” Andy smirks.

“Leave me alone!”

“You don’t even love him! What’s the point? There’s no reason for you to be with him.”

“Andy, I’m not in the mood to play mind games with you-”

“You’re the one playing mind games! Not me!” Andy quickly interrupts, frustration very apparent.

“You’re the one who won’t file for the divorce! You’re the one who insists that it’ll take a few years! You are the one who wants to fuck everyone-”

“You left me!” Andy snaps, “You left me for him, of all people!”

“So that means that you can break my heart?!”

“You broke mine first!”

“No, Laurie did and you decided to take it out on the rest of us,” you quip, tears welling in your eyes, “We have to get back, Andy.”

“No we don’t. We can go right now. We can just leave-”

“Andy, you made this our reality. You chose her over me and this is where we are. We have to get back,” you sniff, wiping your eyes before trying to leave the bathroom.

Without thinking, Andy wraps his arm around your waist and pulls you close. He takes in your scent and that’s enough to make him fall apart right there. Having you so close and in his arms makes him realize just how much he misses you.

How much he needs you.

“I’m so sorry, Y/N. For hurting you, for how I went about all of this, for not treating you the way you deserved to be treated...I’m sorry for everything, but please. Please,” Andy pleads softly, his own tears coming now.

“Andy please, I can’t...I’m not a fucking toy!”

“I know and I swear to God-”

“No Andy, you have your life and I have mine. We have to stop this because all we keep doing is hurting each other. Hurting you hurts me, Andy. This is why I made rules. This is why I wanted to stay away from you. I’m not strong enough for this. I’m not strong enough to be the other woman,” you sob.

“You won’t! I’m picking you! I will always pick you! Please!”

“Well, I don’t pick you,” you sniffle out, wiping your eyes and pulling free from Andy. “We have to get back,” you all but mumble before leaving the bathroom.

Andy just stands there, tears cascading down his cheeks like a waterfall. He can’t remember the last time he’d been in so much pain. In fact, he’s sure he’s never been in this much pain before, even when he realized Laurie didn’t love him anymore. Neither of them ever truly loved each other; they just loved the idea of each other.

That’s not the case with you at all though. Andy is so painfully in love with you, even though he’s tried to fake like he isn’t, he’s more sure than ever that he’ll never stop. But if you don’t want him, what else can he do?

He takes a moment to get himself together and wipes his eyes the best he can, before taking a deep breath and making his way back to the table. He can feel the change in the mood before he even reaches it, but he doesn’t care. He doesn’t care about much of anything at the moment.

“Everything okay?” Laurie asks, tone lacing with anger as she cuts her eyes at him.

“Fucking great,” Andy murmurers, taking a seat and instantly reaching for his glass of Scotch.

“You really know how to treat a woman,” Laurie whispers harshly, reaching for her glass of wine, “do you always have to go out of your way to make me look like a fool?”

“It’s not like you don’t do the same to him,” you all but whisper before reaching for your own drink.

That has everyone’s attention.

“Excuse me?” Laurie asks in disbelief.

“You can’t treat your husband and your son like shit then act surprised when neither of them want anything to do with you. This is a hole you dug for yourself. All either of them wants to do is love you and you won’t let them. Why? Cause Andy had a few secrets about his childhood? Cause Jacob wrote a story that put him in a not so decent light? They’re your family, Laurie. You can’t just decide to stop loving them when shit gets tough. For better or worse, till death do you part. Those are the wedding vows. If you want Andy to treat you better, maybe you should do better,” you huff before downing the rest of your drink. “I’ll be waiting for you by the car,” you mumble to Neal before getting up and making your way out of the restaurant.

Andy can’t stop the stupid smile that comes to his face as his heart swells with pride and love. You do care and even if you won’t admit out loud that you choose him over everyone else, you do in fact choose him.

You love him.

Neal is quick to apologize for your outburst before leaving money for the bill between the two of you before rushing out of the building. When the waiter comes back, Andy asks for the check and is quick to throw money down on the table. He practically pulls Laurie out of her seat and drags her out of the restaurant.

“I guess you feel like you’ve done nothing wrong since your little whore-”

“Don’t call her that,” Andy warned harshly as he drives both of them back to their house.

“Why not? That’s what she is!”

“She’s the farthest thing from that and way more than I fucking deserve,” he huffs through gritted teeth as he pulls up to their house. “You need to get out.”

“And where the hell are you going?”

“Where I should’ve been the whole time: with Y/N.”

“Andy-”

“I’m done, Laurie,” Andy states firmly. “I don’t want to live like this anymore and I’m not going to. Take the house, take the cars, take whatever is in our savings; I don’t care. I’m done doing this with you.”

“You’d do that to Jacob?” Laurie questions, tears coming to her eyes.

“No, you’d do that to Jacob. There’s no reason to put him through hell, it’s just your own selfish desires. Listen, you can tell everyone I’m the bad guy and that I never did anything to try and salvage this marriage, that’s fine, I don’t care. But if you try to keep my son away from me or turn him away from me, I will drag you through hell and I will win,” Andy warns, his tone menacing.

“You wouldn’t-”

“I will,” Andy warns darkly, “now get out of my car and figure out what you wanna do. There’s someplace I need to get to and I should’ve been there a long time ago.”

Y/N’s P.O.V

You furiously fold another shirt fresh from the laundry before throwing it into your drawer. You’ve been angrily fixing things and cleaning things for over an hour. You don’t know why you defended Andy...well, you do know why but you refuse to admit it.

Andy had no right to ruin your night like that, but it’s not like he needed to do much. If you’re being honest with yourself, arguing is the only thing you and Neal are good at. You could say it’s his fault, but you know that the real reason is because he isn’t Andy.

You find yourself comparing everything about him to Andy, and it’s really unfair. You keep waking up and expecting to be over Andy and in love with Neal, but it never happens. Your anger at the situation turns into anger towards Neal. Anger because he’s always half listening, anger because he doesn’t satisfy you, anger because he’s never thoughtful, anger because he talks shit about Andy, and so many other things. It’s not like Neal doesn’t try; it’s the opposite, and that’s what is so disheartening.

The sad fact of the matter is: you had more of a relationship with Andy than you’ve ever had with Neal.

Be that as it may, Neal definitely crossed a line on the car ride back to your place.

“So, are you gonna start the conversation or should I?” Neal asked angrily, slamming his car door shut before starting his car.

“By conversation, do you mean argument? You can start this time,” you replied lazily, leaning your head against the car window. You really weren’t in the mood, but you also knew there was no avoiding it.

“You didn’t think it would’ve been a good idea to tell me that you were fucking Andy Barber?”

“There was no reason for you to know about something that no one else knew about. I’m obviously not proud of it.”

“You obviously shouldn’t be. What were you thinking?!”

“And you wonder why I didn’t tell you,” you mumbled, starting to fiddle with your fingers. Neal had a habit of making you feel small and it was really starting to take its toll.

“It just would’ve been nice to know that I’m dating one of Andy’s...” he trailed off before sighing and turning the corner.

“One of Andy’s what?!” you snapped, turning your gaze to Neal, burning with anger.

“Nothing, I shouldn’t have-”

“No Neal, fucking say it! It’s clearly how you feel, so fucking say it!”

“Y/N-”

“SAY IT!” you roared at him as he pulled up to your apartment.

“One of Andy’s whores,” Neal muttered, knowing that he had gone too far this time.

“This is done, I’m fucking over all of this shit! You don’t wanna be with a whore? You got your wish!”

“Y/N-”

“Fuck you!” you spat before getting out of his car and slamming the door shut.

You knew a breakup was coming, but you wish it hadn’t gone that way. You stop and stand in your hallway for what feels like the millionth time, and wipe away your tears. Everything hurts and you just want Andy. No matter how angry you are with him, your heart still yearns for him.

A soft knock on your door has you getting yourself together and clearing your throat. You’re not gonna let Neal see how upset you are.

“Whatever you have to say, I’m in no mood-” you stop short as you open the door seeing the last person you expected. “Andy?”

“Why are you crying? What’s wrong?” he questions, worry written all over his face and concern in his eyes.

“It’s nothing, why are you here? You can’t be here.”

“Just hear me out, please? I knocked on 10 different doors until I found yours and I just...please?” he questions pathetically.

Even with your mind telling you to close the door in his face, your heart is begging you to hear him out. “You have 10 minutes, Andy,” you sigh as you avoid his gaze. It dawns on you that your nosey neighbor is probably listening from her apartment and the last thing you need is for her to tell your mother about the handsome married man that came to visit you at a late hour the next time she comes to visit you. “Come inside,” you offer, stepping to the side.

Andy makes his way inside warily, as if he’s afraid you’ll kick him out any second. “Your place is nice...it’s better than I’ve imagined,” he speaks softly, looking around at all the paintings, books, and pictures.

“Andy,” you say softly, tone firm but clearly frightened. You’re not going to let him suck you back into anything.

“I’m so sorry, Y/N. If you please just...I can do better. I will do better if you just-”

“No Andy. I’m not waiting and I’m not-”

“You don’t have to wait,” he interrupts desperately “I told Laurie tonight that I’m done for good. She can have whatever she wants, but she isn’t going to keep Jacob from me. I told her that I’m going to be with you, and that I should’ve a while ago. I was a coward and I’m so sorry about that.”

“...what?” you question in disbelief, eyes starting to fill up with tears, again. This day was really taking an emotional toll on you.

“There’s no one else. I’m done trying to be coy, fucking other women, putting you second, being a coward....it’s just you, Y/N.”

“Don’t. Don’t do this to me. I can’t even trust you!”

“Yes you can!” Andy almost cries, slowly moving closer to you. “I’m not that guy! You’re right, Laurie did break my heart and I let it bleed out onto everything and everyone else. That changed with you though! I never meant to get so attached, but now you are all I think about, all I want...Y/N, I-”

“No Andy, don’t say it. Please don’t say it,” you cry softly, as you back into a wall.

“You can trust me,” Andy pleads softly, caging you against the wall and looking down at you. “I love you. I love you and only you and I’ll never stop. Please.”

Before you can stop yourself your pulling him towards you and kissing him hard. You instantly melt into him, finally feeling like you’re home. It feels as if he’s set off a fire inside of you, as parts of you come alive again that you were sure died when you left him. Andy knows all the ways to love you which is something Neal could never figure out.

Andy places his hands on your lower back and they slowly make their way down to the curves of your ass until he’s firmly gripping it. He hoists you up and you instinctively wrap your legs around his waist, needing to be as close to him as possible.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m so fucking sorry,” he repeats as he trails kisses from your lips to your neck. “I’ll never hurt you like that again,” he promises, grinding his hips against yours.

“Fuck baby,” you breathe, your eyes fluttering shut as you lean your head against the wall “just like that.”

Andy stops what he’s doing when he hears that.

You’ve never called him anything besides Andy, and you always get on him when he calls you anything but your name. He looks up at you and it’s as if he can read your mind. The rules no longer exist, and if you’re really honest with yourself, they haven’t mattered for a while. He loves you and you love him. You love him more than you’ve ever loved anyone.

You dip down slightly to kiss Andy again, but this time pointing to your hallway, you need him in the most desperate way and you’re done waiting. Andy eases down around the apartment, never breaking the kiss. His hold on you gets tighter as his kisses become more urgent. He’s letting you know that he needs you just as much as you need him, and you love the way he isn’t being subtle about it.

“Second door,” you mumble against his lips before breaking away and pulling your top off.

“Fuck,” Andy husks, looking you over as he makes his way inside your bedroom. “It’s been so long, baby.”

“I know, I know,” you agree, slightly out of breath as you look down at him, running your hands through his hair lovingly. “I missed you. I’ve missed you so much,” you all but whine.

“I’m gonna show you just how sorry I am,” he promises softly as he gently lays you down.

Everything feels different. Yes, you and Andy have fucked a million times, but this is so much more than that. This is so much more deeper and intimate than anything you two have ever done before. You’re so caught up in your thoughts about what all of this means, that you don’t notice him creep onto the bed, and you don’t feel his hand snake it’s way up your skirt.

“Mmm fuck,” you moan at the feel of his fingers softly tracing over the thin material covering the part of you that’s yearning for him.

“Be here with me tonight, baby. Let me take care of you,” he coos softly as he uses one of his fingers to push the flimsy material to the side. “Will you let me do that? Will you let me take care of you?” he asks as he pushes a finger inside your soaked channel.

“Mhm,” you moan, your eyes locked on his as you bite your bottom lip.

“Use your words, Sweetheart,” he demands softly, adding another before picking up the pace.

“F-fuck, yes baby,” you whimper, feeling your release coming on.

“There’s my good girl,” he praises, devilish smirk playing on his lips.

“I’m so close, Andy!” you whine, your toes curling, but you refuse to break eye contact with him. You know how much he loves it and you want to satisfy him as much as he satisfies you.

“Cum for me, baby. Cum hard for me,” he encourages, palming himself over his pants with his free hand, while continuing to fuck you with his other hand and using his thumb to tease your clit.

“Fuck!” you cry out, your release coats his fingers and you try to regulate your breathing.

“So good for me,” Andy smirks as removes his fingers. He lets out a low groan that’s almost a growl when he tastes the two fingers that had just taken residence inside you.

You need him and can’t wait anymore. “Baby please,” you plead pitifully, going to remove your skirt “I can’t wait anymore.”

“But you taste so good,” he coos, pulling your skirt down and throwing it to the floor. “I need more,” he growls, spreading your legs apart and laying down his stomach. “Missed having your taste on tongue more than you know,” he mutters before starting to lick and suck on your clit.

“Oh shit!” you cry out, arching your back before laying down. “Fuck baby!”

Andy doesn’t take it easy on you and you can tell that he wants you to know just how much hes missed you. Every part of you and everything about you. When he brings you off the first time, you try to push him away because it’s all so overwhelming. All he does is lay an arm across your waist to keep you in place while he continues his assault on your clit. When he brings you off for the second time, your eyes well up from all of the pleasure. You didn’t realize how unsatisfied you truly were until that moment. Andy works hard to show you just how much he appreciates your body.

How much he appreciates you.

When he brings you off for the third time, you’re pathetically begging him to make love to you.

“So needy for me,” Andy husks after cleaning up the mess you made. “Don’t worry baby, I told you I’d take care of you tonight and I meant it,” he promises as he removes his shirt and throws it down. “I’ll take care of you forever.”

He’s out of his jeans and boxers one moment and hovering over you the next. He kisses you deeply, the taste of you still on his lips, and you can feel all of the promises and apologies it holds. With one hand he’s cupping your cheek, while the other one is between your legs and massaging your clit.

“Please,” you beg softly against his lips.

“You’re here with me?” he questions, a hint of desperation in his tone.

“Nowhere else I’d rather be,” you respond breathlessly.

Andy takes himself in his hand and strokes himself a few times before aligning himself with your entrance and pushing his way in. “Fuck, I missed this pussy so much,” he moans, collaring your wrists above your head as you gasp below him. “Missed hearing you hearing you like this.”

“Fuck baby....fuck, you feel so good!” you mewl, wrapping your arms around his neck and digging your nails into his back.

“You’re so fucking beautiful, fuck I could watch you like this all day long,” Andy groans, his gaze on you loving as he starts pumping into you faster.

“I’ve needed you so much...I’ve missed you,” you whimper, your release coming fast.

“I’ll never leave you again, I swear,” Andy grunts and you can tell he’s trying to hold off his own release.

“I love you,” you moan, running one of your hands through his hair as your back arches, ready to give him everything. “I love you so fucking much, baby,” you breathe.

“Jesus, I love you too...need you to cum...right now, baby! Need this perfect pussy to...fuck!!” he groans, his grip on your wrists getting tighter.

“Jesus Andy! Fuck!” you scream, orgasm hitting harder than you expected. You clench around him tight, wrapping your arms around him as tight as you can, as you start to to fade out of consciousness and into what your brain can only describe as pure bliss.

This is what you need and what you waited for. To have Andy like this: all yours and as in love you with you as you have been with him.

Andy yelling your name as his own hot seed spills inside of you is the only thing that brings you back to reality. He erratically pumps into you a few times before he stills and rests his forehead against yours. You’re both in heaven in each others arms.

Andy opens his mouth to say something, but is cut off by a hard knock on your front door.

“Y/N, it’s me. Please answer,” Neal begs, his voice laced heavy with regret. “I was out of line and I’m sorry. I’m so fuckin’ sorry. Just open the door and talk to me, please. I...I love you so much and I’m so sorry.I had no right...my ego got in the way and....please, just hear me out. I’m so sorry,” he sighs, and you know he’s leaning against your door.

You two have done this song and dance so many times in the short time that you two have been together.

“We have to get dressed and you have to hide,” you breathe, meeting Andy’s stressed gaze.

“What? No-”

“Andy, I can’t just ignore him-”

“Yes you can,” Andy quickly interrupts, using one of his hands to cup your face. “You owe him nothing, just be here.”

“Andy-”

“Y/N, I love you and you love me. There’s nothing that needs to be discussed. I know I fucked up before but..” his voice trails off as Neal bangs on your door again.

“Please just talk to me,” Neal pleads from the other side of your door.

This is when it hits you. You have to make a choice: Neal or Andy. Neal is obviously the safer choice, but Andy is very clearly the love of your life. Andy is also a wild card that can break your heart at any time.

“Pick me. Please pick me,” Andy desperately begs.

As Neal continues to bang on your front door, you’re left with a choice to make: Do you choose the guy who will never hurt you, or the guy who will always be the wild card?

Happiness or security?

~~

taglist: @fuckingbye, @whxre4cevans, @sweetflowerdreams

[hummingbird-games]

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Too many SCREENS!! Too hard to pick a fewwww!!!!

Honestly, I don’t know what to say. This is gonna be my worst written review ever tbh.

I love nostalgia. I love teen media and the stories that can be told during that age. I don’t care for sports in real life, but I’ll devour sports romance. 

I love that this game gives us our girls being their crazed, wacky, loveable selves. I love the serious conversations tackling racism and microaggressions, and different family/parent dynamics and those interactions. 

I love the slow burn between Arkarsha and Noelle, was legit ready to make it everyone’s problem if they weren’t endgame andcanwetalkabouttheflashforwardomgomgomgomgggggg!!!

I hate love how relatable Arkarsha is?!?!?! I have so many damn screenshots just for HER, God 🤧

The pure, sapphic energy radiating off this sequel??? Higher than the first??? Like??????? OMG?????

I love that for a few hours I could just fall into this game and push aside The World and remember how much I love visual novels and the talented, cool, creative people who make stories that make me wanna crawl up inside and never leave. 

Okay. I’m done y’all ✌🏽

[mxtxfanatic]

I’m sorry, but yeah, the people who stan Jiang Cheng by saying he’s actually a good, respectable, or at least powerful person are absolutely hilarious. Like, I used to think that he was at least more of a threat than he was before I read the novel, but after? What am I supposed to like about a character who:

1) throws his weight around as “the man who killed the Yiling Patriarch,” only to told as a reader that that was a lie and he only kills weak people who remind him of Wei Wuxian,

2) tries to intimidate wwx on multiple occasions but is masterfully outmaneuvered each time except when wwx’s phobia or lan wangji’s reputation are involved,

3) was given a huge chance to prove that he “could” (theoretically) kill the Yiling Patriarch like he’s already being praised for doing, but STILL HESITATES because he’s a follower at heart and wants to see what everyone else is gonna do first?

But you know, my favorite scene involving him that drives all this home is how he had a whole breakdown, snot-crying and all, during a hostage situation in which he had shown up like he was gonna be the hero! Threw open the temple door, whip blazing, and gained the upper hand on Jin Guangyao who notoriously could not fight, only to get distracted! And stabbed! In like 5 minutes! And then, he turns to crying about how he should have had every right to hate wwx except now he knows he doesn’t! And tries to make this wwx’s fault! Meanwhile, wwx is reacting like the poor unfortunate soul who got trapped in the breakroom playing emotional support for the one coworker nobody likes. Y’all talk about wwx’s confession being awkward, meanwhile mans was having a whole crying fit about how everyone thinks he’s an idiot now. In the middle of a hostage situation. Like damn, who really was holding everyone hostage at that point?

Anyways, that shit was mad funny and cemented jc as a giant manbaby in my head. Literally what is there to like except imagining him getting bullied by the actual cool kids of the story? The very definition of pathetic.

[accio-victuuri]

You know what time it is!!!! ⏱

A rundown of important points from today’s candies. same disclaimer applies, it’s all speculation. If you’re familiar with LRLG, you’ll know that we just treat this as ff and not real. Well, till we get proof otherwise. BXGs make connections because of other clues before. It’s up to you if you believe this or not. Let’s go! 💪🏻

• I already pointed out the same brand of clothing A Cold Wall. I just love seeing GG wear other brands and this casual ( but still hella expensive ). Looks like this is at the same hotel, good thing he wore something different. should we expect another batch recording? LOL.

• The poem GG shared, < A Wish > is just so him isn’t it? Aside from having a cat- it also speaks of a simple life that he dreams for himself. I wonder if that’s what spoke to him. I expected him to read something by a Chinese poet tho.

In our entire sunny world. I have but one wish, a garden bench. A cat sunning itself.

There I would sit. A letter at my breast. One small single letter. That is what my dream looks like.

I looked up this poet and it’s nice to think that GG has read her other works too. ⬇️⬇️⬇️

• Now let’s talk about the main thing here which is the LRLG rumor. ( full english translation ) Compared to the other contributions where it’s super long and has conversations, this one is just a line from a poem. Mimicking GG’s douyin post where he recites a poem. I honestly still don’t know how these submissions work and the mods probably will never share that. I mean, we know that there was gonna some poetry related thing coming out with GG on it but what are the odds.

1. The line/ poem shared was from Wang Xiaobo's collection of short stories called "Green Haired Water Monster". Green. Okay. It is one of his earlier works and was only published after his death when one of his friends contacted his wife and told her he had the manuscript.

In the novel, there is a plot in which Chen Hui (the male protagonist) and the demon (the female protagonist) talk about poetry:

It rained during the day, but at night it was very cold and there was no wind, and the result was rain and fog. It was getting dark early. The windows of the buildings along the street sprayed with a cloud of white light. On the street, mercury lamps illuminate the sky with a white mist in the middle of the day. People and cars appear and disappear in shadow. We walked to the bus stop 10. Under a few dim street lights, people felt like they were underwater. As we walked wordlessly, the demon suddenly asked me, "Look at this night fog, how do we describe it?"

I ghosted God to make a poem and read it out at once. You know, I didn't think I had a talent for poetry at all.

I said, "Demon, you see, what does that mercury lamp look like?" Large clumps of dandelions floated on the river of the street, swallowing soft needle-like light. ”

The demon said, "Good. So what about us walking on the sidewalk? What about this dim street lamp? ”

I looked up at the street lamp, which cast its dim light all the way to the ground through the hazy fog.

I said, "We seem to be at the bottom of a pond, walking from one moon to another."

The demon suddenly cried out in surprise, "Chen Hui, you are a poet!"

Can I just say how this whole thing about a monster in the mix is totally on brand for Xiao Zhan? Lol. We know how much he loves a tinge of horror or supernatural. Whoever this LRLG is, he does it so well. If it’s GG, well. We will never know.

Anyway, the main explanation for the line : the general meaning is that in the vast sea of trillions of people, two lonely and beautiful souls are so lucky to meet. 🤍 Y’all can make interpretations of your own based on the text from the story above. I can’t believe this fandom got us interpreting literature like we’re in school.

BXGs are also bring back the fact that GG was seen holding one of this author’s book which is Silent Majority. I found one excerpt from that work and it’s interesting. 🏳️‍🌈

2. In that contribution, there is a photo of the moon and it appears to be similar to one of GG’s artwork. There is a whole CPN about Boxiao and The Moon here as well as the song The Moon represents my heart if you have no idea why BXGs love the 🌙 symbolism.

3. There is a known fake rumor house contribution that talks about them having a small notebook that they pass to each other. Now that we see this poem, some BXGs are thinking that one thing we can see there are lines from books GG has read. This way, he can share things with Yibo or he can read it when they are apart ( and vice versa ).

Even in the early hours of the morning waiting for the show, Mr. Wang misses Mr. Xiao. I saw him flip through the small book, so he must have been thinking about it.

Mr. Xiao gave Mr. Wang a small notebook. I don't know what's inside, but Mr. Xiao said it's very convenient to carry.

I have never talked about this here but if you watched OOL ( filmed 2019 ) there was a part there that LZX gave a small notebook to GW. It contained her ideas for their dates and etc. My BXG senses were going haywire when I watched this cause it reminded me of the fake rumor ( which was first shared like 2020, it’s made an appearance a few more times even before anyone watched ool. ) I’m wondering if GG got the idea from there and decided to apply it to him and Bobo. It’s just so romantic of GG. Nowadays, everything is sent in electronic messages but here he is, making an effort to write things and keep a physical connection between them.

4. The fake rumor was posted 19:28, still love Bo. It is also the 28th contribution, love Bo.

5. My favorite part is the last where it says three months of summer, to meet frequently. Does it mean they will get to spend time? Please! 🙏🏼 or will we get their dramas or some kind of content? lol. tbh i prefer that they both get to spend time together.

That’s all folks! I’m sure I missed some minor clowning but the ones I mentioned are those being talked about and I’ve looked into. 🤍

sources:

https://m.weibo.cn/status/4761510599722209?

https://m.weibo.cn/status/4761502848390495?

https://www.laitimes.com/en/article/3jvfq_40kgj.html

https://m.weibo.cn/status/4761499564511293?

https://m.weibo.cn/status/4761500320007893?

chrome://external-file/chinaperspectives-3483.pdf