#i told myself i would wait a bit before doing a rewatch of the season | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

1kook · 4 years ago

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disney+ & bust

this is part of my netflix & chill collection !

summary; There’s a pounding on your door a little past noon, so hard and rough, that you almost think it’s the police finally coming to catch you for all your years of illegally pirating Phineas and Ferb. It’s not. It’s just a really drunk boyfriend wailing for your forgiveness at the door. warnings; arguments, feelings of insecurity, bit of asshole jk, smut in the forms of degradation, dumbification, choking, fingering, spit kink, self punishment, unprotected but [ passionate ] sex, jk losing his cool, return of mean jk, he is actually an emotional mess in this one wtf miscellaneous; ANGST, anniversaries, the L word😳, app developer kook, rip ‘pretty girl’ </3, we all become phineas and ferb stans word count; 13k !!

notes; me: *writes couple who’s whole arc is being silly* y’all: MAKE THEM SUFFER GIVE US ANGST!! u ask I deliver so now we all suffer 😐 ngl it was hard writing this fic n u might notice there’s some parts that seem weird n that’s bc this was TWO fics w diff wording but I ended up mixing them bc I’m insane. still had a lot of fun! felt like I challenged myself!! not proofread bc when I say we suffer we SUFFER

please let me know what you think!!! a simple ask goes a long way <3

previous part: kissanime & foreplay

Approximately one week after The Bullet Bestie’s rise to prominence, Jungkook grows annoyed with it as his weirdly competitive nature rears its ugly head the more and more orgasms that little vibrator coaxes out of you. It turns on a weird switch in him, something slightly stuck up and snooty that he’ll never admit to out loud but is there nonetheless. By the following Friday, The Bullet Bestie is nestled deep in your garbage can and Jungkook’s back to pleasuring you with his tongue and fingers alone.

He had those moments in him, the ones where he liked to think he was better than any and everyone else, and occasionally they manifested against inanimate objects like a bullet vibrator.

Despite his polite and generally soft exterior, you catch glimpses of that cocky spirit more than anyone else. Over the past year, you’ve come to realize that Jungkook’s personality was like a coin that had been left out in the sun too long. He had this sweet and reserved nature you saw most times, a kindhearted boyfriend who adored you almost as much as you adored him. He was your angel whom you knew had a heart of gold, even if you were slowly bringing out his more childish tendencies. You knew him like the back of your hand, knew what his mom’s favorite color was and how he liked to stack the plates in his cabinet according to size and make. It was a side that was rusted from years of being out in the sun, basking in its adoring warmth, and you loved every inch about it.

And still, there was this other side to him you rarely saw. This cocky asshole who hid beneath the soft smiles and careful hands, making his appearance only through sly smirks and a tongue prodding against the inside of his cheek. He was a braggart, a man who knew his greatness yielded for no one and wanted that fact shoved down everyone’s faces. This Jungkook, this other side that never saw the light of day, was like the Hyde to his Jekyll. An unexpected, almost mean side to him that only dared make his appearance when his exhilaration was at an all-time high. Like when he was fucking you into another dimension, or kicking your ass in Mario Kart, or like now, when he was receiving an award at an annual tech ceremony.

On the eve of your one year anniversary, Jungkook’s company invites him to an awards ceremony for other web and app developers like him. It’s a grand event, filled with all the biggest nerds in the developing industry here to present the baby nerds with awards. Jungkook lies somewhere in the middle of the spectrum, both a seasoned player and a rookie all at once. He spends the night tolling you around in a floor-length gown and fangirling over all the “legends” in the room.

You know next to none of these people and none of their accomplishments but still pretend you respect them to hell and back. By the end of the main dinner, you’re sympathizing with Barbie’s ever-smiling features because your cheeks feel sore.

Towards the end of the night, Jungkook wins that random award— okay, who were you fooling? He wins the Platinum Mobile Standard of Excellence Award, recognizing him for all the hard work you’ve seen him put in this past year. It’s probably the highest recognition he can receive at this point in his career. It was an esteemed award that was bestowed upon only the most innovative developer of the year among tech companies, something Jungkook had briefly mentioned he always wanted. It’s basically the equivalent of placing first place in his field, but given Jungkook’s competitive industry and his young age, you think it’s like telling all these old Facebook lords to suck his big fat cock. (But that was your job when you got home.)

He gives a short little thank you speech, promising to work hard and own up to this title. The people around you are swooning, obviously endeared with his soft puppy dog features and melodic voice. They don’t know him like you do, don’t know that uppity twist to his grin like you do. It doesn’t slip off his face even when he steps down off the stage, arms wide open as he comes barreling towards you. Even with you in his arms, the congratulations that are thrown from every direction ring loudly in his ears and swell that ego of his.

The night goes like that for the most part, Jungkook’s acquaintances approaching him every few minutes to rain down their praises. He goes a little crazy at the open bar after a while, shoving the gold trophy into your arms as his beloved work seniors whisk him off for drinks. You don’t mind because you resigned yourself to a night of playing Jungkook’s perfectly perfect partner anyway, watching him politely mingling with his coworkers. Despite his earlier success, you know he won’t brag about it verbally. No, he’ll wait until the two of you get home—your place or his—and remind you how amazing he is with a quick snap of his hips.

As you said, he’ll never boast aloud.

However, that doesn’t mean you won’t.

“That’s my boyfriend,” you explain to the seventh person that greets you that night, excitedly pointing to where said boyfriend was slowly losing all sense of self by the bar. You don’t know anyone here beside Jungkook, and you’re pretty sure no one in their hammered minds is going to remember who you are anyway, so a little gloating never hurt anyone. “He won the ‘I’m Better Than Everyone Else’ award tonight,” you emphasize to the tipsy woman beside you who only laughs at your exaggeration. You assume she’s like you, accompanying one of the many developers here, because as soon as you finish boasting about Jungkook she moves to brag about someone too.

Truth be told, you spend the whole night re-analyzing the Zootopia movie you saw on Disney+ the other night in your head. So if the little fox fellow didn’t control himself would the city have fallen to ruins? Why was the useless sheep girl so evil and bitter? Why was there an unreal amount of romantic tension between the fox and the rabbit? Whatever, you’ll have to rewatch it some other night, and with your new Disney+ account, you could watch it anywhere you wanted to.

Now, you had never bothered to purchase a Disney+ subscription or even tried to swindle Jungkook for his password before. As far as you know, Disney+ was filled with old tv shows from your childhood, sitcoms that made you laugh when you were ten. There’s nothing wrong with that, but personally, you were a firm believer that that which was perfect should not be touched once finished; in other words, you were utterly terrified you’d rewatch an old episode of The Wizards of Waverly Place, only to find out the same joke you’ve been regurgitating for the past ten years doesn’t actually go that way.

However, the harsh reality was that Disney+ was good for a few things. Ugh, you hate when giant corporations provide decent services. Aside from Zootopia, you’ve watched about every animated media on there as well, all of which you replay in your mind as Jungkook has the time of his life with these nerds, knocking back champagne glass after champagne glass.

Anyway, the night ends a little past midnight, and Jungkook who is buzzed on alcohol and high on exhilaration ends up calling an Uber for the two of you. Your apartment— the new one he had not only helped you hunt for but also helped you move into, greatly cutting the cost of movers out with those glistening biceps and thick thighs —is still going through her rebellious phase where the potted plants are trying to take over, courtesy of Kim Namjoon. So for now, there’s a potted plant in an awkward corner that both of you stub your toe against on your way to your bedroom.

You’re thinking Jungkook is going to go to town tonight, given the fact he’s on Cloud 9 and has had his ego stroked by a bunch of dudes for the past couple hours. Maybe you guys can try out the hot role-playing scenario you saw on GirlsWay a few weeks ago, or the handcuffs you impulsively bought from Amazon one Monday night. Or maybe, and this one really makes you flutter, he’ll let you fully take the reins for once.

All those lewd fantasies end up being for naught because just as you shimmy out of your gown (with the help of his hands, of course) and turn to climb him like a tree, he’s on the other side of the room getting your makeup remover out for you. And also talking. A lot. And way more than usual.

“Did you see him, babe?” he sighs, dare you to say, dreamily, handing you the cotton pads as he begins pulling a million pins out of your hair. Slowly and with a lot of confusion, you pull your fake lashes off and begin cleaning your face. “He was amazing.”

“Uh-huh,” you say, having absolutely no idea who ‘he’ is or why Jungkook is so in love with him and not you at this very moment. “But so were you,” you add. Perfect. Stroke his ego and then stroke his cock.

Jungkook sputters at your praise. He’s carefully placing your hairpins on your thigh, cheeks flaming red every time he leans over you. “Was I?” he murmurs, voice sweet in that cute little way it always gets when he’s downed one too many shots of whiskey, enough to be buzzed but not enough to be wasted.

You turn and the pins clatter to the floor and across the bedsheets. “Yes,” you confirm, ignoring his sad huff at the mess you’ve made. Instead, you grab him by the collar of that pink button-up he taunted you with all night. “You were fucking incredible and I think incredible men deserve to have their dick sucked.”

Jungkook laughs at your vulgar statement, holding you gently by the hips as you climb into his lap. “Is that so?” The soft, shy persona is gone now, replaced by the gentle stirring beneath his dress pants. You nod hurriedly, plopping down on his lap and running your hands through his styled hair.

“Yes,” you confirm, kissing the corner of his mouth. “Luckily for you, I know this nymphomaniac who would gladly gobble up your cock at your every command.”

He snorts just as you push him into his back, nose adorably scrunched up. “First of all, you know I hate that word,” he chuckles, finally gracing you with a sweet peck that only makes you want him to fuck you into the fifth dimension. “Secondly, please don’t ever say you’ll gobble my cock up ever again.”

Something inside of you squeals with excitement as he rolls the two of you over, firm body pressing down on yours. “Oh, baby,” you groan, lazily throwing a leg over his hip. Jungkook grins and then decides to entertain you for a few minutes with a sloppy kiss.

You say a few minutes because just as things are heating up, he pulls away. He smiles apologetically. “As much as I’d love to be here with you, I actually have an early morning tomorrow.”

You frown at the sudden change in events. “Huh? They’re gonna make you work the morning after a Gatsby party?” you gasp, sitting up as he gets off of you. With every step he takes away from the bed your heart breaks a little more. “They can’t do that— that’s illegal!”

From the doorway he levels you with a comically raised brow. “No, it’s not.”

You scamper after him down the hall, watch the muscles in his back flex as he pulls his suit jacket on. “You can’t work on our anniversary— that’s illegal!” you offer instead.

He stops at your front door, feet squeezed back into his shoes. “Baby, it’s not,” he rolls his eyes, leaning down to peck your forehead. “It was either I work in the morning or work at night,” he explains, giving your messy hair a soothing caress. He’s looking at you with those eyes, the ones that make your heart lodge itself into your throat and make life a tightrope experience. There’s a devastatingly lovesick part of you that wants this moment, this kind face, to be engraved into your mind for the rest of your life. You want this to be the first and last thought you have and nothing else: just Jungkook’s adoring gaze on you for the rest of time.

The moment ends too soon when he flutters one last peck against your lips. “I’ll be done in the afternoon, okay?”

You pout. “Okay, your place?” you huff, making sure to get one last octopus squeeze around his waist. He nods. “Promise you won’t be late?”

The corners of his gaze soften. “You know I won’t,” he smiles, leaning down to bump your noses together playfully. “Can’t stay away from my pretty girl too long. Besides, I have a gift for you tomorrow.”

It’s with that sentiment and a hammering heart that you let him go. With Jungkook gone, there’s really nothing for you to do now. You took the next two days off in preparation for your anniversary sex, so you don’t have to head to sleep early like usual.

With nothing else planned, you decide on rewatching that Zootopia movie that had plagued you all night, ready to dissect every plot hole to hell and back. You don’t think Jungkook’s seen this movie yet so you add it to your long list of animated movies you’re forcing him to watch.

Part of you is actually really surprised Jungkook left. Well, kinda sorta, very, but not really. Jungkook was a good boy, that much was obvious. He took his job seriously, and if his job wanted him to come in at the asscrack of dawn, then he’d come in before the sun even rose. He was a goody-two-shoes, but even so, you were occasionally able to bring out that darker side in him.

Jungkook working, like actually working in an office setting, was pretty rare though. The dude had a chill job that let him stay home most of the time, and essentially clock in whenever he wanted. Every now and then you were able to convince him to stay, tucking him beneath your body or the covers, depending on the night, and refusing to let him go the morning after.

Once he had eaten you out until the wee hours of the day, ravenous between your thighs, and then went to work the next morning like he hadn’t broken you. Another time you had persuaded him into watching every season of the 2017 DuckTales reboot through the night. When the alarm had rung in the middle of the season finale, he had simply gotten into your shower and gone off to work.

So maybe you were a little confident in your skills, and Jungkook slipping between your fingers tonight was a huge bummer. But there was no use crying over spilled milk, you tell yourself, flinging your bra off somewhere in the corner as you snuggle back into your sheets. You’re ready to tear this Zootopia movie apart, scene by scene.

Even though your apartment is a little cold, you’re comforted by the fact Jungkook will be here to keep you warm all day tomorrow.

All men do is lie.

Despite his promise to come home early the next day, Jungkook ends up lying. The meeting he had been in all morning— the same one that had stopped you from getting bent like a pretzel the night before —drags on well past noon. Then, Kim Namjoon, AKA Jungkook’s favorite senpai in the entire world, catches wind of Jungkook’s success last night and absolutely has to take him out to lunch to celebrate.

You scoff, glaring down at your phone and the impulsive messages you’d sent out an hour ago when Jungkook had first texted you telling you he would be late.

You whirl around to stomp off in the direction of his living room, where all of yours and Jungkook’s favorite foods were growing colder by the minute. You had spent the longest time carefully laying them out, making sure the fried chicken was closer than the pizza but not closer than the breadsticks. Truthfully it’s a nightmare. There are about eight stomach aches worth of food sitting on his coffee table, the greasy stench makes you gag and will certainly stick to your hair for weeks, but none of that mattered because it was all for your beau.

Your very late beau who was making you grow more and more agitated with each minute that passed. Ugh! How inconsiderate of him to test your patience on a day like this. You didn’t want to be upset with him, but this was your first, real milestone as a couple with him. You had wanted to spend the whole day cuddled up, maybe finally tell him how much he really meant to you— definitely not waking up alone with eyeliner crusted eyes and an aching heart.

Deciding you’re being a little too dramatic, you head into the bedroom to calm down. This was fine, you tell yourself, carefully laying out the damn near harlotrous lingerie you had yet to put on. Jungkook would come over soon and everything would be A-okay.

Except for the part it’s actually F-not okay because soon it’s nearing sunset and the food has gone cold so you’ve stocked it into the fridge, and the pretty sheer bra has a wonky wire that’s two seconds away from piercing through your heart, but that doesn’t even matter because Jungkook being late for your all-day anniversary celebration has already ripped it to shreds anyway.

You plop down on the couch in defeat, impulsively opening up the Disney+ app to cry through another episode of Phineas and Ferb. You’ve abandoned the satin robe that came with the lingerie in favor of donning a big t-shirt that smells like him and makes your heart hurt even more. The setting sun paints the living room in muted oranges, the chirping of birds outside the soundtrack to your lonely day.

You end up watching some other cartoon on Disney+, avoiding the Marvel section because you had promised Jungkook he could be there when you lost your Marvel virginity. Well, at least one of you was good at keeping promises, you think bitterly. For a second, you think about randomly watching one of the infamous MCU films out of order just to spite him. But then you think of that soft puppy gaze and how disappointed he’d be in you.

Whatever! It wouldn’t ever match up to the way you felt now.

Anyway, you circle back. When you’re five episodes into Phineas and Ferb you hear the doorknob rattle.

You sit up just as the door swings open, visible from your spot on the couch. He meets your gaze almost immediately, big doe eyes caught in the act. What act? You’re not really sure. In fact, you don’t even know what you’re looking at when he walks in because he’s drowning in shopping bags. His lips twist into a grin. “Honey, I’m home,” he says playfully.

You don’t laugh.

Jungkook frowns, dumping all his bags down at the entrance before waddling over towards you. “Hey, what’s wrong?” he asks, coming to stand before you and cupping your face in his hands. He’s towering over you, so tall and gorgeous but for the first time, you’re not dazed by his beauty.

“Kook, you said you’d be back hours ago,” you say slowly, avoiding his gaze. You try to keep the frustration out of your voice, but you’ve had hours to dwell on it now, and those annoying cartoon characters, though charming at first, had only served to multiply your annoyance.

Jungkook blinks, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. “I mean… yeah. But I got you presents?” he beams, glancing back at the mountainous pile he made by the door. You look over too. There are some luxury bags squeezed in between other shops you like, the occasional jewelers' logo on the side.

You stand with a sigh, sauntering off into the kitchen with him on your tail. “I don’t want presents,” you mumble, reaching to pour yourself a glass of water. You’re briefly aware of how childish you must seem. Jungkook hovers behind you.

“What? Yes, you do,” he says. “You had an entire wishlist on my Amazon of things you wanted.” It’s his turn to level you with an unreadable expression, slowly crossing his arms over his chest.

Your frown only deepens as you turn to match his stance against the counter. While it may be true that you did indeed have an entire list of impulsive items on his Amazon, that didn’t necessarily mean you wanted them all. Sometimes you just wanted to stare longingly at a pair of satin gloves without actually buying them. You don’t know how to explain this much to him. “They’re not…” you stop with another deep breath. “Forget it. Thank you for the presents.”

Now it’s Jungkook’s turn to question you. “What,” he says in an unimpressed tone, padding over to you before you can escape back into the living room to watch the entire princess movie collection on Disney+. “No, tell me what’s wrong.”

For some reason, that’s exactly what you don’t want to hear. “Jungkook,” you say flatly, narrowing your eyes at him. “You come home six hours after you said you would without telling me why, and normally I wouldn’t care, but today was supposed to be a special day for us.”

Jungkook reels at your bluntness. “Babe, I was out getting stuff for you. I know it’s our anniversary— that’s why I wanted to treat you,” he responds, oddly condescendingly like you’re a child who doesn’t understand what exactly he was doing.

You brush his hands away from your shoulders. “Yeah,” you huff. “Now I know that. But I spent all day waiting for you,” you stress, chest puffing as you grow more and more agitated by his inability to understand you. God, can he let you go now? At least a bunch of animated, geometrically drawn cartoons won’t question you like this and make you feel as childish as he was.

When he doesn’t say anything else you stomp back into the living room, snatching up your phone from its forgotten spot against the couch. “I’m going to bed.”

At that Jungkook seems to kickstart back to life. “What? ___, it’s barely six,” he says as he follows after you into your bedroom. You ignore him, shuffling beneath the covers. In all actuality, you’re going to bed to mope and watch more animated family shows, maybe cry under the guise of the plot just being so sad. Jungkook sits beside you just as you click back on to finish off your episode. “Baby, I don’t get it,” he sighs. “You’re always talking about how much you want this or that, and I go out and get you it all but now you’re mad?”

You bite down on your lip, eyes lasered in on the pictures moving before you. “Jungkook, just forget it.”

“No,” he says, more sternly than he’s ever been with you before. “If there’s a problem, tell me.” There’s a heavy pause, and then he says, “don’t make me waste my time guessing what’s wrong, okay?”

“Waste your time?” you scoff, sitting up with pinched brows that you find match his. “I’m not trying to waste anyone’s time— in fact, that’s hot coming from you, Jungkook.”

He rolls his eyes. “What are you even saying? You’re mad because I took a little long getting presents, for you, might I add,” he huffs, plopping down on the edge of the mattress beside your knee. “You’re always saying you want this and that, but you can’t handle me going out to get those things? Do you hear how weird you sound?”

You whip the covers off of you. “Me talking about things doesn’t always mean I want them,” you defend.

Jungkook snorts. “Yes, it does,” he says. “Anytime you ramble about stuff for minutes like a little kid it’s because you want me to buy it for you.”

You blink. “Like a little kid?” you repeat, stunned by his comparison. Granted, you always knew you were the more childish of the two, but you never thought that would equate Jungkook thinking of you as a child. Something red and nasty flares in your chest. “Well sorry,” you spit, crossing your arms over your chest defensively, “sorry we all can’t be perfectly mature golden boys who would never see the light of day if I constantly wasn’t dragging them out.” You know it’s a somewhat low blow, especially because Jungkook’s told you before how his introverted tendencies were a sensitive issue growing up, but you can’t help it.

Jungkook groans, dropping his head into his hands. “Baby, don’t do this now,” he warns, digging the heels of his palms into his eyes. “Stop acting like this.”

“Like how?” you spit, “like a kid?” Jungkook says nothing, leveling you with a blank stare from the corner of his eye. You roll your eyes, phone falling off your lap. Another episode of Phineas and Ferb had started, the corny opening tune filling the space between the two of you. “At least now I know what you think of me,” you mutter over the guitar riff.

“Oh my god,” Jungkook blurts, sitting up wildly. “Of course I’m gonna think of you as a stupid little kid, look at you,” he seethes, gesturing at the phone beside you. You flinch. “All you do is watch kids shows and whine whenever I wanna watch anything normal adults watch. You complain every single day about the most normal things, like your job? Why should I fucking care that you’re working a dead-end office job in a field you didn’t even study for— that’s not my problem, __!” he snaps, eyes narrowed into little slits. “I just won an award last night,” he says suddenly, voice back to its regular volume. “I’m at the height of my career and I’m only going up, but I can’t even enjoy that because I have to come home and cater to you,” he finishes, a loud scoff punctuating the final word.

You had never imagined Jungkook finally bragging about himself would be at your expense.

A beat of silence passes, the angry glint in his eyes quickly fading away the longer you don’t say anything. You sniff once, turning your head idly to the side where Phineas and Ferb is still blaring loudly from your phone speaker. Picking up the device, you throw it across the room where it hits his closet door with a terrifying bang the breaks the silence.

The sound snaps Jungkook out of whatever shock he’d been in. “Baby…” he says slowly, carefully, like you’re a caged animal that’s just escaped the zoo.

“I’m going home,” you say, also a little too calmly. You saunter over towards his closet where your shattered phone screen glares up at you as you yank a pair of sweats off a hanger. Jungkook is still frozen on the edge of the bed, watching you with wide eyes as you move about the room.

It’s when you’re in the hallway leading downstairs that Jungkook finally snaps out of his daze, scampering behind you as you descend the stairs. “Baby,” he rushes out, loudly bounding down after you, “___, wait,” he gasps, catching you by the kitchen counter collecting your keys. “I-I didn't mean that,” he rushes out, eyes wide and frantic as they flicker over your expression. “I don’t think that—I don’t, baby, please, just… let me explain, please.”

“Jungkook, let go of me,” you respond, shaking your wrist in an attempt to release yourself. He’s not even holding you tightly— he never would—but the sound of your heart pounding in your ears makes your movements jerky and erratic. “I wanna go home.”

“No,” he chokes, cornering you against the counter. “No, baby, please just listen to me, I-I—“

“You what, Jungkook?” you snap, placing a hand on his chest and forcefully pushing him away. He lets you, stepping back with a wobbly bottom lip. “You need to tell me how you’re too good for me? How much I hold you down because I wasn’t lucky enough to get a job like yours straight out of college?” He says nothing, swallowing roughly as you jab a finger into his chest. “Well let me tell you something,” you snarl, chest heaving, “I may be childish and a huge complainer, but I’m not stupid enough to let someone walk all over me like this.”

With that, you make your great escape. Truthfully, you don’t want him to see the tears in your eyes as you yank his door open, stomping down his steps and in the direction of the nearest bus stop. The door opens right after you tug it shut, painting your shadow across the sidewalk. There’s the scrambled sound of house slippers against the concrete that follows you down. “Go the fuck back inside,” you snap without missing a beat.

Sensing your obvious anger, he pauses before he can reach you. “Text me when you get home?” he calls out quietly.

“No,” you respond.

You would never admit to anyone that you spend the entire night eating a tub of mint chocolate ice cream. It’s disgusting and makes you gag, but it’s the only one you have in your apartment. And of course, it was brought over by none other than Jeon Jungkook himself a few days ago. Even when you’re trying to comfort yourself over how mean he was, on your anniversary night no less, you’re plagued by thoughts of him everywhere.

As much as you want to brush his words off, put on that cool girl exterior you’ve maintained since high school, there’s something different about this situation. You guess it’s impossible to brush off such hateful words when they come from someone you love and adore so much.

Were you too childish? You had always believed that side of you was what made your relationship with Jungkook so perfect. The two of you meshed well because of your differences, like yin and yang. So how had he been able to so easily deconstruct every inch of that balance in a matter of a few seconds? Was this perfect reality all in your head this whole time?

You want to tell yourself it was just a heat of the moment outburst from Jungkook, give him the benefit of the doubt because he’s never snapped at you like this before. Of course you’ve fought a couple of times in the past year, but neither of you had ever stooped as low as you did yesterday. Furthermore, the insecure part of your brain says he obviously felt this somewhere in his heart to bring it up at all. What he had said to you wasn’t something someone could make up on the spot.

You don’t text him when you get home, partly to spite him, but mainly because you had left your phone at his place anyway. You know he tried calling you last night because the call log is synced up to your laptop. He called on and off for about thirty minutes before he probably found your phone in his room. Whatever, he can mope in his regret for all you care

—is what you wanna say, but the longer he goes without showing himself to you the more your insecurities and hurt fester. Was this it? Was this the end of what was probably the best year of your life? It’s too painful to think about, to even consider the possibility that Jungkook might have gained a new insight last night and decided, hey, maybe this is for the best after all.

You drown yourself in an ungodly amount of sugar for breakfast, your laptop blaring yet another episode of Phineas and Ferb on the dining table. Muscle memory has you making Jungkook’s favorite pancakes before you can stop yourself, and by the time you do realize, you’ve resigned yourself to the blueberry smell anyway.

There’s a pounding on your door a little past noon, so hard and rough, that you almost think it’s the police finally coming to catch you for all your years of illegally pirating Phineas and Ferb.

It’s not.

It’s just a really drunk boyfriend wailing for your forgiveness at the door. You open the door with a fright, jumping back when he slumps forward and almost crashes face-first into the floor. “You didn’t call,” Jungkook cries, leaning a little too much of his weight onto you when you reach out to steady him.

The thundering of your heart slows upon registering it’s him. “Kook?” you frown, nose pinched at the ungodly stench of alcohol wafting off his clothes. “Have you been drinking?” you ask even though the answer is staring you right in the face (and in the nose).

He groans, staggering deeper into your arms. You blindly push the door shut behind him, resigning yourself to this new situation while your pancakes grow cold in the other room. “Baaaby,” he slurs, letting you guide him into the living space. He’s unceremoniously dumped onto the couch, half-opened eyes gazing up at you. “Let me,” a hiccup, “explain.”

You won’t lie. There’s a very obvious sense of discomfort sitting in your chest, torn between two paths that you don’t wish to choose between. His skin is warm and flushed like he’s just walked all the way here in this morning sun. You step over to the window that faces down onto the street below. There’s no sign of his car; you would have killed him if he ever tried to drive in this state.

“Did you walk here?” you ask instead, deciding there’s no need for one singular path, not when you can walk straight down the middle, both cleaning him and grilling him at the same time.

Jungkook’s response is delayed, head lolling from side to side as you help him out of his sweater. His skin is sweaty beneath, scorching to the touch. “Uh-huh,” he groans. Jesus, you sort of assumed but him confirming it really set things into perspective.

By no means did you and Jungkook live on opposite ends of the earth. On a good day, a drive from your place to his took about ten minutes. But walking? Easily an hour. Had he walked all the way from his place, drunk on top of that?

You brush his hair away from his face, his eyes fluttering shut at your touch. His lips are pouty yet chapped, dehydrated from the sun and the alcohol he reeks of. “Sit up for me,” you instruct, scampering off to your room for chapstick and water.

“Anything for you,” Jungkook wheezes, throat probably dryer than a desert. When you return, he’s two seconds from face planting into the coffee table and breaking that pretty face of his. You catch him with a hand on his shoulder, keeping him balanced. “Tell me what to do,” he chokes out, voice hoarse.

“Just need you to drink some water,” you say, pressing a cup against his lips. He drinks it, but a drop still dribbles down his chin.

“No,” he groans, catching your wrist in his hand when you reach up to apply some chapstick on him. “Tell me what to do,” he stresses, “to fix this. Fix us.”

His words make you pause, the tube of chapstick hovering over his plush lips. “You don’t have to do anything,” you respond quietly, trying to finish the application so you can pull away.

Jungkook doesn’t let you go. You try to look away, but there’s something about him that looks off. Maybe it’s the raw skin under his eyes, red and swollen. Or the sad droop to those same eyes that hold you captive. Or maybe it’s the subtle tremble in his hands, the fingers that hold tightly to your wrist, not to keep you there but to ground himself. “I don’t wanna lose you,” he rasps out, shakily bringing your hand to his mouth, where he presses one airy kiss to your knuckles. “Tell me ho-how to fix this and I’ll do it,” he pleads, a vulnerable look in his eyes.

Unable to withstand the sheer amount of agony on his expression, you look away. “___, please,” he chokes out, stumbling off the couch in his drunk and desperate haze until he’s kneeling in front of you. “I can’t… I can’t,” he sniffles, tears clouding those pretty eyes you’ve come to love so much. “I don’t know who I am without you.”

You clench your jaw. “You’re Jeon Jungkook,” you murmur, slipping your hand out of his hold to run through his hair. It’s knotted and a little too greasy, two things Jungkook would usually never allow. “This year’s Platinum Mobile Standard of Excellence Award recipient,” you remind him, trailing your thumb across his cheekbone when he turns to look up at you with those big Bambi eyes. “Sweet and shy, but you love being rowdy with your friends. You love movies and TV and organizing your shirts according to fabric type. You work harder than anyone I know and never complain. You date me, even though I’m a huge child,” you smile sadly.

“No!” he jumps, turning that frantic stare back into you. “Y-You’re not— it’s not,” he stammers, words still slurring together. “I’m a liar,” he cries, resting his forehead on your knees. His shoulders shake. “I don’t deserve you,” he weeps quietly. You place a hand on his shoulder. “Y-Y-You make my life so much better, ___, so colorful and fun. I-I wish I knew you in high school,” he admits, “maybe I wouldn’t have been so emotionally constipated now.”

“You’re not,” you reassure him softly.

He disagrees. “You bring out the best,” he hiccups, “the best in me.” Your heart skips in your chest. “I-I love you, you know that?”

You sputter, eyes wide at his sudden confession. “I… love you so much, y’know? I think about you ev-every night, ___,” he rambles, eyes dreamily gazing off into some miscellaneous spot on the wall behind you. “I can’t get you out of my head. Like you're a song, o-on repeat but it’s not annoying because it’s my favorite song, and I could listen to it for the rest of my life, y’know? My favorite song, I know all the words b-because it’s all I think about! I love... My love… I love you so much.”

“Kook,” you rush out, cheeks flaming as you try to pull him away from where he’s slumped over your legs. His passionate speech has you abuzz, body tingling everywhere until you feel overwhelmed, head spinning like you’re on a rollercoaster. “Let’s get you to bed.”

He nods sleepily, seemingly coming down from whatever alcohol induced rampage has allowed him to walk for an hour straight in this searing heat just to confess to you. “Y-You don’t have to say it back,” he continues to stutter as you guide him through the living room on wobbly legs. “I just-I just— can I?” he babbles. “Can I love you, ___?”

You pass through the kitchen space, where whatever you were watching on Disney+ is blaring loudly. It distracts Jungkook for about two seconds before his attention returns to you. When you don’t answer, he presses on. “Is that okay?” he asks, whirling around to face you, catching your shoulders in his hands. He towers over you by the entrance to your bedroom, dark curls tickling your forehead. His eyes are dark and glazed over, both in tears and an emotion so raw and unfiltered it squeezes around your chest until you can’t breathe. “Is it okay for me to love you?” he murmurs softly, knocking his nose against yours.

Your cheeks blaze. “Yes, th-that’s fine, Kook,” you blubber, placing a hand over his chest, where his heart is also hammering away. “Just need you to go rest now, okay?”

He nods sleepily, nudging your nose with his one last time, like a soft almost-kiss, before letting you push him into the room. “Yes, yes,” he breathes, his body finally crashing from his adrenaline spike. He flops down onto the bed unceremoniously, dark waves fanning across your pillows. You try to wiggle him out of his shirt, but it only gets about halfway up his chest before he blindly reaches for the covers. His legs stick out awkwardly, clad in the sweatpants you’ve come to associate with him.

When he’s all swaddled up in your blanket he finally goes limp, tiny snores leaving his lips as he dozes away from reality. You sigh, pressing a palm to his forehead. He’s still warm and clammy, but at this point, there’s nothing you can do but wait for him to sober up.

With a final kiss to his forehead, you leave the room, closing the door behind you before sliding against the wooden surface. There’s a trapped bird in your chest, wildly flapping its wings in an effort to get out, and it’s all stupid Jungkook’s fault in the next room. Stupid Jungkook who demolished and remodeled your heart all in less than twenty-four hours. It doesn’t calm down, even when you rush off into the kitchen for a glass of water, or when you try to immerse yourself in some other show on Disney+. It stays beating against your ribs and your chest until you’re forcing yourself to sit down on the couch and process.

He wakes up a little before dinner. You hear him from the living room, where you’re flicking through the options on Disney+ for the nth time that day. You’ve seen the first fifteen minutes of about twenty different series and movies by now, always growing antsy and abandoning them early on. The only reason you know he’s awake is because the shower turns on for a few minutes, and then his bare feet are heard padding across the hallway back into your room.

By the time he resurfaces in the living room, you’ve resigned yourself to just more Phineas and Ferb, nonchalantly watching the silly cartoon. (Except you’re anything but nonchalant, and your heartbeat rings in your ears.)

Jungkook hovers by the door, clad in a pair of shorts he’s left here before, and a t-shirt you stole from him. “Hey,” he says quietly, lingering by the doorframe. You nod back in response. “Can I watch with you?” Again, another nod.

Slinking over to the couch, he’s rather careful as he sits down, leaving a few inches of space between the two of you. You don’t even think he can see the screen of your laptop until he murmurs, “he’s my favorite character,” when Perry the Platypus appears on the screen.

You hum. “Thought you didn’t like these kids shows?” you ask. You don’t mean it to sound as petty and backhanded as it comes out, but that’s really no one's fault but his own.

Jungkook’s breathing tightens beside you. “No,” he admits, “I don’t. Only watch them because I know you like them.” You contemplate pausing the episode and engaging in a real conversation with him, but at this point, you’re very tired from the events of the last day. Jungkook doesn’t press either, just shuffles more comfortably beside you.

You get about five minutes in, quiet chuckles shared between the two of you, before he strikes. “I’m sorry about yesterday,” he says, so hushed you almost don’t hear it. His hand is resting in the space between you, pinky brushing against yours. “About… being late. And the presents.”

You inspire slowly. “That wasn't even the problem, silly,” you brush off. From your peripheral, you see Jungkook’s slow nod. “I didn’t want any presents,” you mention, “I just wanted you.” You look away from the screen immediately after, pretending like the spot on the ceiling is actually really interesting.

The two of you fall into silence, the animated characters on your screen rapidly chattering away. “Oh,” Jungkook says after a moment.

You roll your eyes. They’re moist but you don’t want him to see. “Yeah, oh,” you parrot back softly, relaxing into the couch again. “Did you eat the food I left out?”

Jungkook shuffles beside you, the soft lull of the speakers soon being cut as he reaches over to pause Phineas and Ferb. A couple of seconds pass and then he’s leaning into you, head resting on your shoulder. “I’m sorry,” he apologizes again, placing a palm over the hand he had been teasing for the past few minutes. “I thought I knew what I was doing but I was wrong.”

His voice is so soft and sincere, it makes your chest ache. You try to burrow your face against your opposite shoulder, try to hide the stray tear that escapes out of the corner of your eye. “It’s fine,” you brush off, voice choked off and hoarse.

Jungkook leans up, pecks your cheek so tenderly it makes you go mushy. “No, it’s not fine. I acted like a know-it-all and said something way out of line,” he murmurs, raising his head to look at you. His hand feels warm over yours. It’s the touch you craved all day and yesterday, the warm feel of his body against yours. You’re embarrassed at how easily you melt into it. “You’re the best thing that has happened to me in a long time,” he tells you, holding your hand close to his chest. “I had no right to say those things to you.”

You sniffle, resting your head against his shoulder now. His heart beats loud enough for you to hear. “Was it true?” you mumble. “Do you really think of me like that?”

He shakes his head, his soft breaths fanning across your forehead. “No, never,” he answers. “I think you’re incredible. My brain was just trying to justify my dumb anger.”

You nod, even if you don’t believe it just yet. But that was a conversation for later, you suppose, sometime in the future when you aren’t on the verge of tears and threatening to crumble apart at the simplest word that leaves his mouth.

“I should have come home like you wanted, thought about my words before saying them,” he says, snuggling closer to you. “I’m sorry.”

“Stop,” you sniffle, covering your face with your free hand as he presses a kiss to the vein that runs over the back of the hand he’s holding captive. “Now it just sounds like I'm just being inconsiderate of your gifts and a crybaby.”

Jungkook kisses your temple softly, gently. “Don’t think about the gifts,” he says. “Just tell me what you wanted to do, doll.”

His voice calms you, has you like putty in his arms. “Watch movies,” you mumble, toying with a thread on your couch cushion. “Be with you.”

He hums. “Then we’ll do that,” he says, reaching for your laptop again. The screen nearly blinds you when it flickers back to life before you, Jungkook’s low breaths against your ear making it near impossible for you to process the titles on the screen. “You liked Disney+?”

Belatedly, you nod. “I like the animated movies,” you admit quietly, the anxieties of before slowly melting away, even more so when he slides his arm around you, pulling you close against his chest.

Unlike other times where he’ll critique the hell out of such childish films, Jungkook says nothing as he starts up the Zootopia movie instead, the same one you had wanted to show him before, right from the beginning. “That bunny looks like you,” you murmur when Judy Hopps first appears on the screen.

Jungkook snorts. “You say that about every cartoon bunny.”

You turn your head to glance at him over your shoulder. He meets your gaze with a small smile you return. “It’s because you’re so cute,” you say softly, lips twisting playfully when his cheeks grow scarlet.

He knocks his forehead against yours, eyes fluttering shut. “Not cute, just lucky,” he chuckles. “Lucky enough to have you.” Your heart turns over in your chest, threatening to burst out of your rib cage at his words. You try to turn in his arms. Before you can say the words that have been sitting on the tip of your tongue for months now, he’s beating you to it once again. “I love you,” he confesses in a hushed whisper, no alcoholic influence.

Something inside of you blossoms, eyes wide as he chastely kisses you. He pulls away without you ever reacting, too caught up in surprise to kiss him back properly. He stays close, curls tickling your forehead as he leans over you. “You don’t have to say it back, I just wanted you to know. I love you,” he says again, long lashes blinking down at you. “So much. It makes me feel like a stupid teenager again, going to the mall to buy a gift for my crush.” He laughs sheepishly, reaching down to tangle your fingers together. “Is that okay?” he asks quietly, pressing a kiss to your knuckles.

It mirrors the confession he’d given you that morning, those slurred words and teary eyes. It had been difficult to pinpoint the legitimacy of it before, the meaning scrambled by his hazy mind. But with him staring at you like this now, like you single-handedly plucked the stars from the sky to put them in those sparkly eyes of his, it makes something inside you ache.

Still, you choke on your own spit. “I-Is it okay for you to love me?” you sputter incredulously, realizing the oddity of the same question he’d thrown at you earlier. But now, you’re both sober and you can really tear apart that sentence. Jungkook nods a little too seriously for your liking. “Are you crazy?” He blinks in confusion, brows pulling together as you slowly but surely lose the last bits of your sanity. “You’re an idiot, Jeon Jungkook,” you huff, “a stupidly handsome, rich, walking dream, idiot who goes out with stupid girls like me.”

“Not stupid,” he murmurs, closing in on you again as he finally understands the truth behind your masked insults. He smells minty and like his favorite body wash of yours.

“No,” you deny. “You’re actually, like, insane. You have a bachelor pad, make enough money to sustain an entire litter of kittens, look and talk like every teenage girl’s dream boyfriend— but you mess it all up by dating evil, conniving hoes like me who lose their shit over Disney cartoons.” He says nothing, watching you with an amused grin as you talk over yourself, basically regurgitating his statement from yesterday except it kinda seems plausible now that you’re over it. “It’s stupid. No, you’re stupid. No— I’m stupid.”

Jungkook chuckles, kissing the corner of your mouth gently. “Done?” he says, a dimple appearing on his cheek. You could kiss it away, but you need him to know the amount of stupidity in this room was astronomically high. “You’re not stupid, baby,” he says. You level him with a look. “Well. You have your moments.”

“Moments?” you repeat, standing up in a hurry that has him flopping down beside you. Your laptop is lost somewhere on the cushions, the voices faded as they grow farther away. “I am so stupid. I called Namjoon a whore for taking you out for lunch!” you cry. “I am the stupidest person in the world.”

Jungkook cackles, standing up beside you. “Yes, yes, you’re my stupid girl,” he teases, tapping the pout on your lips playfully. “So stupid she slanders herself instead of just telling me she loves me too.” He bumps your noses together, dark eyes staring at you almost daringly after his claim.

You fold soon enough. “I love you,” you mumble, “even if I’m too stupid to say it.”

He rewards your confession with a kiss, pulling you into his arms soon after. He sighs, almost wistfully. “Whatever shall I do with my very stupid girl?”

After exactly three minutes of feeling safe and loved in his arms, he abandons the living room in favor of leading you back to your room, where he pushes you down against your mattress. You cling to him, leaving him positioned over you at an angle. His chest presses against yours, arm curled around the back of your head. “Gotta get up, baby,” he laughs.

You shake your head, caging him in your arms. “Nuh-uh,” you murmur, legs wiggling when he places a hand on your hip.

Jungkook chuckles, pressing a kiss against the side of your ear. “Your movie is still playing in the other room,” he reminds you, thumb drawing soothing circles on your hip. You don’t release him, his mindless touch only encouraging you to keep him close. “Babe?”

You say nothing, relishing in the comfort of Jungkook’s presence. His hair smells good and feels even softer against the side of your face. The cotton shirt he found is crumpled beneath your fists, dark blue pattern wrinkling. Finally coming to terms with his new home, Jungkook eventually relaxes into your hold with a sigh.

“Alright,” he hums, patting your hip as he repositions himself more comfortably. “I get it. My pretty girl must’ve missed me, huh?” You nod, soaking in every detail about him in this moment. Jungkook shifts, the hand on your hip suddenly falling over your thigh instead. “Or should I say my stupid girl?” he purrs, hand slipping between your thighs. “My stupid, little girl?”

A gasp catches in your throat when he runs his fingers over the front of your panties. Your legs kick out wildly at the sudden touch, toes curling at the hands you dreamt about all day and night. “Oh,” you pant, each brush of his fingers feeling better than the last.

“What?” he says, mouthing against the side of your neck. His tongue feels warm, but the trails of saliva he leaves have you shivering. “Too dumb to speak?” he scoffs, biting down against a particular spot on your neck. You whimper, unsure if it’s because of his hands or his mouth.

“N-No,” you try to sneer back, fingernails digging into his skin through his shirt. His hands are getting braver now, the pad of his pointer finger dancing over your engorged clit. The sheer material of your panties certainly doesn’t help, each touch feeling like it’s being magnified three times over. And if it felt this good with underwear, you can’t even begin to imagine how it’d feel without.

You don’t have to ponder for long, because soon after Jungkook is slipping his hand beneath your waistband, touching your sensitive pussy head-on. “Kook.”

He uses your momentary vulnerability to ease himself from your hold, finally recoiling enough to smother your mouth with his. You moan in surprise, thighs quivering as he gets to work circling your hardened bud sans your panties. Jungkook isn’t the least bit kind as he kisses you ruthlessly, likes he’s trying to compensate for something with his movements. When he finally pulls away it’s with an obnoxious pop and cherry red lips. He huffs, glancing down to see where he’s got his fingers pleasuring you.

Your thighs are squirming back and forth, closing around his hand every few seconds. Jungkook snorts. “Huh, look at that,” he mutters, trailing down until his fingers are gliding over your quickly sopping folds. “Stupid girl is good for something.”

Your cheeks burn. “Kook, I’m not—“

Jungkook levels you with an unimpressed glare. “Not what? Not stupid? But I could’ve sworn you just spent the last few minutes saying you were,” he drones meanly, landing one light slap against your cunt that makes your hips buck.

You bite down a whimper. “I was just…” you trail off, eyes rolling back when he teases one finger against your opening.

“Kidding?” he supplies. “Well, I wasn’t.” Your heart stutters in your chest, eyes growing wide as he finally pushes himself off of you, propping himself up with an elbow beside your head. His gaze is dark and unrecognizable. “I think you’re so fucking stupid, doll,” he sneers. “And what are you gonna do about it?”

You should have seen this moment coming, the manifestation of that shiny side of the coin finally reaching its full potential.

While Jungkook wasn’t exactly shy about his interests, he certainly wasn’t tripping over himself to tell you every new kinky thing he wanted to try. You sort of guessed he had some interest in this sort of play a few weeks ago when you watched the Barbie movie at his place. A lot of that night had branded itself into your three am wet dreams, but there was one particular moment that stood out to you. That was you, on your knees, with him condescendingly patting your head. Or just last week, you vaguely remember the term slipping through his lips as he pleasured you with The Bullet Bestie.

The thing about Jungkook was that, until last night, he would have never admitted, or so much as even thought, that he was better than you. That was fine because you would say it enough for the both of you anyway. Did you think Jungkook was amazing, an absolute diamond among these measly rocks? Absolutely. (Were you slightly biased because you were his girlfriend? Skip.) However, you also had this insane evil villain complex that made you want to brag about everything you possibly could, especially if that meant bragging about your boyfriend.

Realistically speaking, he was better than you, that much you could look past yesterday’s anger to admit, and not even in a stuck-up, conceited way; he had a really good job, an architecturally amazing house, and a hot girlfriend. Meanwhile, you had a mediocre job, an okay apartment, and an insanely sexy Calvin Klein boyfriend, half of which he had pointed out yesterday. Regardless of how powerful that third factor was, he still outnumbered you three to one.

Sue you, Jungkook was amazing. Anyone could see that! Except, maybe, himself.

And if the only time Jungkook would openly brag about his greatness or establish how much better than you he was, was in a post-fight, sex-induced setting, then you were more than happy to be his punching bag. So long as it was on your terms, and not as a result of his weirdly bottled up feelings.

(Yeah, you would have a long talk about that tomorrow.)

But for now, you pout up at him, clamping your thighs shut purposefully. “You’re stupid too,” you defend, “stupid and mean.”

Something in his expression changes. Suddenly, he’s moving at superhuman speed as he snatches his hand out from where you had previously trapped him between your legs, yanking you up by the front of your shirt. “Mean?” he mocks. “Isn’t that what you always wanted?” You shiver, fingers wrapping around the wrist that holds your sweater. “Wanted me to be mean and push you around like a little rag doll?”

Jungkook looks at you for another two seconds, before he’s slowly pulling away from you, leaning back on his knees. His tongue is pressing against the inside of his cheek, jaw tightening from the movement. “Baby,” he says so quietly it instills a prickle of fear in you, tainted with delicious excitement.

“Yeah?” you whisper, sitting up tentatively as you watch him, He was a bit frightening, like a wild animal about to devour you whole.

Jungkook rolls his neck, the joints in his spine cracking as he begins tugging off his shirt. You salivate at the sight, too focused on the sinewy muscles of his body to catch the dark gaze he levels your way. He throws it off to the side, his sleeve of tattoos that wraps around his bicep and begins to crawl down his chest wonderfully unobstructed now. “Eyes up here,” he says and you quickly meet his gaze. He leans forward, muscled arms coming to cage you against the headboard. “Stupid little sluts don’t have the room to make such comments,” he rasps out, unamused expression adorning his normally soft features. “Don’t you think so?”

“I-I don’t know,” you stammer, leaning away as he comes closer and closer, eventually just turning your head to the side to avoid that emotionless look. It’s the wrong move, and Jungkook lets you know as much by forcefully digging his fingers into your cheeks and turning your face back around to meet his gaze.

A hand grabs beneath your knee, tugging harshly until you’re flopping down onto your back with a squeal. You settle with his knee pressed hotly against your core. Jungkook stays towering over you. “Dumb little girls who make me watch cartoons,” he spits, tracing a hand over your chest, molding your breasts beneath his hands roughly enough to make you gasp. “And watch little animal movies on Disney+. Aren’t they just so stupid?”

“So stupid,” you concede, subtly shifting your hips for some desperately needed friction. Jungkook snorts, finally granting you your wish with one rough slide of his thigh against your core.

“I agree,” he says, and surprises you with a hand around your throat as he leans in to properly grind his thigh into you. “All they’re good for is being dumb little sluts with good pussy,” he murmurs darkly, thumb pressing into the side of your neck forcefully. “Sometimes, they don’t even do anything,” Jungkook continues, his other hand on your hip hauling you higher up his thigh. You mewl, soaked panties rubbing roughly against your folds. You miss the soft swirl of his thumb, the gentle prod of his fingers. Even so, you can’t deny this change in Jungkook is doing something to you, riling up a part of you that you hadn’t known existed. Maybe it’s the horniness from yesterday that was left unfulfilled, the one year anniversary sex that was put on pause. “Just lay there and take it, too fucked out and dumb to say anything.”

His fingers loosen for the briefest of seconds and you gasp for breath. “That’s terrible,” you whimper, rolling your hips up into his thigh, so close to his swollen cock.

Jungkook chuckles without an ounce of humor, pressing your foreheads together as he helps grind you to completion. “Isn’t it? I think that stupid little girl is cute though.”

“I’m sorry,” you blurt, vision spotting as he tightens his hand back around your throat. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” you moan, stomach tight from all the stimulation.

Jungkook hums, slowing you down with a tight grip on your waist. “Hm, what are you sorry for?” he croons, pink lips pulling into an evil smile. “You said you weren’t that stupid girl, __.”

You shake your head, trying to roll your hips up again but he’s holding you too tightly now, rendering you immobile beneath him. “I am,” you choke out shamefully, grabbing at the hand on your hip in a feeble attempt to remove it. “I am a stupid little girl.”

Jungkook smirks, leaning down to slot his mouth over yours. “That’s right,” he murmurs, “nothing but a dumb little slut.”

You shiver, opening your mouth when he slides his tongue against your bottom lip. He’s not the slightest bit nice, and more messy than usual. He pulls away with a bite to your lower lip, meeting your trembling gaze with that same unrecognizable glint in his eyes. “Come on, dummy, keep up,” he snarks before devouring you again. You try to, you really do, but he’s moving like an animal today, despite his slow and drunken movements from that morning. So you end up with his saliva dripping down your throat, clinging to the corners of your lips as he begins slowly grinding you against his thigh again. He flashes you a wicked smile, pearly teeth on display for you as he glances down at your messy appearance.

“Are you gonna touch me?” you ask, lower lip trembling at the thought after your desperate rutting. Jungkook purses his lips together in thought.

“Mmm,” he hums. “Don’t know yet.”

You whine. “Jungkook, please,” you whimper, wrapping your legs around his waist. “I need you.”

Jungkook chuckles, running his hand up your waist and taking your shirt with him. He slips his fingers beneath your bra, pushing the wire over your chest as he mouths at your neck. “Cute,” he says. “Can’t do it yourself?”

You tremble, chest arching into him as he rolls your nipple between his fingers. “I-I can,” you gasp. “Just feels better with you.”

Jungkook follows your statement with a nip against your skin, tongue soothing over it right after. “Why? Because I do everything better than you? Even make you cum better than you?”

Your cheeks heat up at his blatant ego rearing its head, hands carding through the hair at the nape of his neck. You say nothing, and that only eggs Jungkook on. “Come onnn,” he teases, finally, finally rolling his hips down onto your core. You squeak, head falling back against the pillows as you’re granted the one thing you’d been chasing. “Say it.”

“Say what?” you ask, voice wobbly as he continues to slowly rut against you, the front of his shorts pressing against the soaked crotch area of your panties. “Oh, oh, Jungkook,” you whine.

Suddenly he bites down harshly, teeth digging painfully into your skin. You yelp in surprise, pussy throbbing at the pain that shoots throughout your body. Jungkook pulls away and doesn’t bother soothing over it as he leans up to capture your jaw this time. “Say you’re a stupid little slut who can’t do anything without me,” he purrs, kisses too soft for the words he says.

Your mind blanks, torn between the humiliating phrase he wants you to say and properly checking him in his place. In the end, it’s with a twisted need to please him that you’re repeating the words back to him. “I-I’m a stupid slut,” you whimper, fingers digging into his shoulder blades as he continues pushing you right along the edge. The rope pulled tightly in your core is slowly being pulled apart, threads hanging on for dear life. “Can’t... can't do anything without...”

“Without who?” he asks, reaching down and untying the front of his shorts. “Can’t do anything without who, baby?”

“Without you, without you,” you cry, bucking your hips up against his, the combined movements of both your bodies making you shake like a leaf. “Ah, K-Kook,” you wail, hips stuttering as your orgasm finally swallows you up. Your panties quickly grow wet and icky from your own arousal that pools between your thighs. Jungkook lets you writhe beneath him as you chase your high, mouth sucking a pretty blossom against your jaw.

You know better than to expect the night to end here, especially after seeing the glint that had been in his eyes as he watched you unravel.

He leans close, let’s his nose brush against yours as you catch your breath. “So perfect for me,” he groans, slotting his lips against yours. You can barely keep up with him, languidly going along with his hot tongue. “Perfect, perfect girl,” he murmurs, a stark change from the less than friendly adjectives he used just moments before. “Tell me you love me?” he says softly.

You nod, mind fuzzy as you wrap your arms around his neck. “Love you,” you exhale, letting your fingers knot in his hair. Your proclamation does something to him, makes him grind the front of his cotton shorts hard against you. For someone that was often rough and brutal with you in bed, he sure was sensitive to the mushiest of things.

“Don’t deserve you,” he huffs, hot breath fanning across your skin. He switches gears fairly quickly. “Tell me you hate me,” he begs hoarsely, rutting against your soiled panties. “Tell me I’m a piece of shit and you could do better without me,” he pleads, voice too airy to be another one of his usual sex-induced thoughts.

You shake your head, pressing a kiss to his cheek as he rolls his hips. “It’s not true,” you whisper, “I love you more than you’ll ever understand.”

Jungkook groans, suddenly winding back and tearing your ruined panties down your legs. You gasp in surprise, letting him haul you about in his blind, self-inflicted rage. “Stupid, stupid,” he huffs, though at this point you can’t tell who it’s directed at. With your underwear out of the way, he wastes no time plunging his fingers back into your cunt, bypassing the tight ring of muscle around it without any of his usual care. “You should hate me,” he snarls, lips pressed against your ear.

You moan, back arching at the sudden pleasure that blossoms between your thighs. “I-I don’t,” you gasp, toes curling.

Jungkook groans, the sound traveling down your spine and straight into your pussy. “Stupid girl,” he huffs, slipping an arm around you to pull you so close until you can’t breathe, chests lined up together. His skin is warm to the touch, scorching almost. “Fuck,” he groans, curling his fingers inside of you. You whimper and moan, incapable of staying still beneath him as he tortures you with a thumb to your clit. “Tell me you hate me,” he seethes again.

Despite the fog that’s settled over your mind, you still manage a resolute shake of your head. “N-no,” you cry, digging your nails into his back. They run dark red lines over his skin, making him hiss at the sting.

Whatever punishment he’s trying to put himself through is falling through with your refusal to admit such a thing. It aggravates him even more, your adamant stance on loving him so, and he’s retracting his fingers before you can cum again. “Please,” he chokes, face tucked into your neck. He’s sloppy with his movements; as he pulls his shorts down and kicks them away, he nearly suffocates you with his weight. “I don’t deserve you, ___, please.”

“I love you,” you whimper for lack of explanation. Jungkook leans back, that same madman gaze in his glossy eyes. He’s looking at you in disbelief almost, pouty lips puckered and swollen. Your hands slip from around him, falling on either side of your head.

Like a cobra he strikes, collecting your wrists in one hand he pins above your head. The sudden movement has him leaning in close, lips brushing over yours. His lashes are coated in a wetness he refuses to acknowledge, looking at you like you drive him insane. “If you ever try to leave me,” he whispers, jerky breath fanning over your skin, “I’ll lose my mind.”

He loves you so much it aches.

“I won’t,” you whimper, feeling your own eyes well up with an emotion that consumes every inch of your being. “I’ll never leave you, you stupid, stupid boy.”

A faint smile crosses his features at your words, lips quirking to the side. You relish in it for all of two seconds before he’s ramming his cock into you, your sensitive walls spawning around him. You sob loudly, eyes rolling back into your head. Your legs instinctively hook themselves around his waist, digging into the base of his spine as he rolls his hips into you.

You feel full and complete like he belongs there in this moment and every moment after this. It makes your heart constrict painfully. Jungkook’s soft groans follow your more unraveled noises, the vulgar slapping of skin on skin the underlying melody to it all. “Ffffuck,” he spits, greedily swallowing your moans up. You whine, arms bucking in an effort to hold him close. But he’s determined in his act of restraining you, long fingers tightening around your wrists until they hurt. “I warned you, didn’t I?” he huffs, snapping his hips into you.

Your walls clench around his hard cock, the drag as he exits sending shivers throughout your body. Jungkook’s body towers over you, glistening in sweat as he nails you into your mattress. “Remember what I said?” he asks, voice but a shuddery exhale. You shake your head numbly, overwhelmed by the rough drag across your walls. “All those months ago, when you first came over,” he adds. The hand on your hip abandons its post to cup you beneath the jaw, palm pressing sinfully against your throat enough to block the tiniest of airflow. “I’ll fuck you and keep you forever,” he murmurs, voice deeper than the pits of hell. He licks a fat stripe over your cheek like you’re nothing but a sweet for him to devour. “Do you remember that, pretty girl?”

You nod jerkily, hips arching up into him when he thrusts into you again. It’s a memory that replays in your mind every so often, your first night with the man you had planned to humiliate over a mere misunderstanding, now your boyfriend of one year. “Want that,” you gasp, tears blurring your vision when he begins picking up the pace. “Wanna be y-your pretty girl forever.”

Jungkook groans, kissing the corner of your mouth. His thighs are some magnificent beings, keeping his pace consistent even as he loses himself in his overwhelming need to kiss you. “Always,” he manages, soft lips pressed against yours. “I won’t ever let you leave.”

A shriek tears itself from your lips as he picks up that harsh piston, releasing your jaw to hold both wrists above your head. It makes his curls dangle in front of his eyes, covering that beautiful dark gaze. It makes his thin little necklace swing back and forth too, though it’s too small to actually touch your face. The rhythmic swing has you hypnotized, just like everything else about Jungkook.

With the length of his hair, you’re left staring at his lips, pulled taut between his pearly white teeth. The word from before sits heavy in your chest, begs to drip from the tip of your tongue. But he’s moving too fast and too hard, scrambling your thoughts until all you can think about is the cock plunging into your heat. His name falls from your mouth like mindless blubber instead, arms thrashing as your second orgasm swallows you up. It sends you crashing, body spasming as the sheer euphoria waves over you slowly and then all at once.

“Perfect,” he grunts, leaning down to slot his mouth against yours, “my perfect girl.” Your cum makes the sound of his hips erotic, the loud squelching following your panting. Still sensitive from your high, your body unconsciously tightens around him, keeps his cock from fully leaving. It brings a soft whine out of Jungkook, one he tries to muffle against the side of your face.

“Inside,” you whimper, even though your body feels like jelly beneath him. “Cum inside, Kook, please,” you beg.

It only takes a few more thrusts into your leaking hole for him to finally reach paradise, hips stuttering when that first shot of pleasure hits him. “Fuck, fuck,” he growls, wildly snapping his hips into your achy cunt. You moan, feeling just about brainless at the overstimulation. His cum leaves you full, almost makes your belly bulge from it. When he’s done he doesn’t bother pulling away, simply slumping into your limp form. His cock, though quickly softening, serves as a plug for the cum threatening to spill out of you.

There’s a muted noise coming from the other room, the faint sound of the mail slipping through your letterbox, the quiet chattering of the street outside. And of course, the loud blaring of your laptop playing the Phineas and Ferb theme song. Jungkook registers it at about the same time as you, a soft chuckle leaving his lips.

He pushes off of you soon after, leaning on his palms over you. He’s got that molten look on his eyes, the heat of a thousand suns burning behind those irises as he looks at you. Like he can’t get enough, even though he’s just about taken everything there is to take. “Love you,” he murmurs quietly.

A drop of sweat rolls over his forehead, clinging to the end of his eyebrow. You reach up and brush it away, let your hand trail down his face to cup his cheek. Immediately he leans into the touch, eyes falling half shut. “Love you more,” you respond.

“Impossible,” he scoffs.

Soon after you’re both stumbling out of bed, clothes haphazardly shrugged back on as you drift through the living room. There’s a thin, hot pink package sitting at the door, just having slipped through the letterbox; the stark Sexuality Unleashed logo is printed on the visible side, so you have to wonder what Doyeon could have possibly ordered this time that could be so thin. The laptop is awkwardly sandwiched next to a throw pillow, barely open a crack. Jungkook retrieves it, sets it on his lap as you scamper over to the couch.

“More Phineas and Ferb?” he asks quietly. He hates it, you know he does. And still, he wants to watch it with you.

You nod. “Please.”

He isn’t so concerned with the plot as you, clicking some random episode to start. You snuggle into his side, quietly singing along to the opening. After a moment, Jungkook speaks again. “Phineas and Flirt?” he offers cheekily.

You roll your eyes. “That might’ve been your worst one yet,” you sigh, trying to drown out his indignant huff by focusing on the screen.

“I don’t exactly see you coming up with these,” he points out, obviously feeling wronged.

Without missing a beat you say, “Disney+ and bust.”

epilogue

commercial break one ; the resolution

#goldenclosetnet #networkbangtan #bangtanhq #ksmutclub #jungkook smut #jeon jungkook smut #jeon jeongguk smut #jjk smut #jeongguk smut #bts smut #jjk♡#jeon jungkook #mine

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karlyanalora · 2 years ago

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Birth of a Fanfic Writer

When I was seven, my mom bought a giant roll of perforated printer paper. I rolled it out on my cousin’s carpeted living room and got down on my belly, colored pencils in hand, and drew horse after horse. I named them all and as I drew them, I spoke aloud the story of their lives as it burst into existence within my head.

In 2005, The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe came out in theatres. I watched it at home with my family. I remember being in Costco with my dad and him picking out the boxset of the books to go with the DVD, promising to read them to me. Such was the start of a tradition, but that’s a tale for another time. The important bit was dancing in the front yard under the aspen tree, imagining myself beside Lucy, Edmund, Susan, and Peter. They were soon joined by Codename: The Kids Next Door, of which Numbah Five and Numbah One were my favorite. There must have been others, but those are the only two I can remember. My first fandoms if you will.

I don’t remember how old I was when I started, but on long car rides I would be arm myself with a pencil and a brand new notebook. I started many stories that way, writing out the first few chapters before I burned out. I only remember the plot of one. I had recently found a single issue of a comic from the 2003 Teen Titans cartoon. A bad guy tried to impersonate Starfire’s long lost brother and her pet pupa didn’t trust the impersonator. That was my first introduction to superheroes and it was love at first sight. So I wrote a self-insert where my family and I were magical shapechangers and Batman wiped out my people and killed my mom because he thought we were bad guys. Robin questioned him, but Batman was sure he was doing the right thing. I was raising my siblings in a tree when I rescued Robin, who I aged down to be my future love interest, and togethe we were going to show Batman he was wrong or something. I don’t remember what I had planned. I couldn’t have been older than nine. The angstiest thing I could have possibly read at that age was Percy Jackson. I have no idea where that dark storyline came from, but it was the furthest I would get in any story until NaNoWriMo 2014.

I was determined to create an entirely original story. But I found myself writing loopholes where I could connect my characters back to the MCU and DCEU. I did finish NaNoWriMo, but I had to make the outlines for books two and three. My family likes to tease me about He-Man appearing in book three.

In 2018, my friend Annie introduced me to Voltron. I can’t remember what season we were waiting on, but in the parking lot of early morning seminary, she introduced me to fanfic. A story about Pidge getting switched with the Green Lion along with other adventures. It was Though She Be Little by TheRedScreech. I read it, enjoyed every bit, and didn’t think about fanfic again.

Some family friends tried to get us into the YouTube channel craze. My sister and I were going to make a goofy cartoon and try to make money off it. I wrote to Star Wars about permission to do so and was politely told no. I was going to do it anyway and researched fair use laws. I wrote a script. I still didn’t think about fanfic.

During 2019, through regular dog sitting during the week and a month-long stint housesitting during the summer, I watched a lot of tv. I’d burned through all the available seasons for Tales of Arcadia, season seven of Voltron had failed me, so I rewatched my beloved Transformers Animated. And then I watched Transformers Prime and even Rescue Bots. But I was still starved for more. As I lay awake in my apartment at college in the early pre-Covid months of 2020, I remembered what Annie had told me about fanfic. How if I wanted to avoid smut, I should stay away from M-rated fics and so on. Armed with that knowledge, I plunged into the world of fanfiction.net and scoured the Transformers section. I stayed up all night reading @megadoomingir ‘s Redeem the Stars. Didn’t sleep much better when I started what was then up of their Stop Me.

And somewhere during those late nights of early adulthood, I realized I could create original work. But that’s never been what I wanted. Ever since I was a little girl, I had wanted to write fanfic. So in an empty classroom on campus, I called up my sister and read her the first drafts of what would become Widow’s Legacy and the stories that would come after.

I’ve grown a lot since then. Decided to let go of my shameless self-insert, The Fossa. Let a lot of other original characters and oc-centric worldbuilding go too. Started to think critically about the canon I was working with. But I think most of that was a product of growing up. Nothing I was doing before was wrong; it was a product of a less mature me who would have been writing for an audience who was in the same mindspace. I grew up, and so did the kind of story I wanted to tell.

Where ever you are on this journey and trust me, it’s a journey, be proud of it. Maybe you still want to write original work or like me, you’re happy to write fanfic forever. Don’t be ashamed of what you wrote, dreamed up, or outlined in the past. It’s great for where you were in life at the time, a reflection of a past you who is still learning, growing, and changing. They are your five-year-old self’s scribbles, loving placed on the fridge and maybe even saved for years. They are only made more precious by the masterpieces you create today because they are testaments to your beginnings. Your old fics and ideas are the birthplaces of that story you wrote that touched that one reader and left them forever changed. Be proud, and keep writing.

#writing #fanfic authors #writer things

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gildedbarbarian · 2 years ago

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I mentioned this last night (kinda), but I think I want to talk a little bit about why Eddie Munson means so much to me. Just like... so it’s out there, I guess. Idk.

TW for HOSPITALIZATION, INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS, TRAUMA, ANXIETY, DEPRESSION, PANIC ATTACKS, IMPLIED SELF HARM

To start off, a little background: I’ve struggled with depression and anxiety since I was a kid. That’s always been there, and honestly I don’t know what my life looks like without it. But to be honest, the last few years have been some of the best and worst of my life. It all kind of came to a head on May 25th of this year. I was in a therapy session explaining the severity of some of my intrusive thoughts and how I planned to handle them, when... my therapist told me that, in no uncertain terms, I needed to go get a mental health evaluation. That night. No waiting. It was one of the scariest moments of my life, I won’t lie to y’all. I couldn’t pretend things weren’t bad anymore, and I was forced to confront it against my own will.

I was there for a good bit of the night with my roommates, but ultimately it was decided that I would enroll in a Partial Hospitalization Program (PHP). This meant starting off with 6 hours a day in a mental health facility 5 days a week for at least 2 weeks and then transitioning to 3 hours a day, 5 days a week for at least 4 more weeks (Intensive Outpatient Program, or IOP). Volume 1 of Season 4 came out 2 days after my evaluation. The plan had always been to sit down with my roommates and binge it, get through everything as fast as we could, but what I really desperately needed at that point was a sense of control, and my go-to was escapism.

It didn’t take long for Eddie to become my favorite new character of the season. By his second scene, I was completely and utterly sold. Not only did I think he was adorable and sweet and pretty and all of those things, but there was also this part of me that looked at him and felt... seen. I don’t know how else to put it. I looked at this disastrous, indulgent freak of a man (affectionate) who was judged for the way he presented and the things he liked and the place he came from and saw... so many parts of myself. I saw my own desperate fight to be difficult to swallow, to look at. It was a little bit like looking at who I wish I’d been in high school, rather than the meek little girl I’d actually been.

I started PHP the following Tuesday, still fairly convinced that I didn’t need nearly as much help as anyone else there. I didn’t feel like I was above them or better than anyone, but I still thought I had my shit together. That illusion was pretty much shattered by day 3. And see the thing about it all is that I find parts of myself in fictional characters and latch onto them for all they’re worth. Some of them are stronger than others, but like... really and truly, there are fictional characters that have changed my life. As I started to really dig into my trauma and unearth and remember shit that I didn’t... even know existed, didn’t want to remember, didn’t want to have anything to do with. As I was having panic attacks and struggling to feel safe in my own body and effectively, dramatic as it sounds, grappling with whether or not I had a future now that I was staring down my past, Eddie came up a lot. One of the therapists in the program really took to that and helped push me to look at what that meant for myself. How seeing the best and the worst of myself in Eddie wasn’t a bad thing.

I ended up getting his bat tattoo on my arm for my birthday. I rewatched Volume 1 four times before Volume 2 even came out. I memorized his scenes, I scrambled for every scrap of content I could get, gripping on with everything I had. Eddie, really and truly, became a fundamental part of my recovery process. Without that character as a metaphor, as a lifeline, as something to lean on (along with my genuinely fucking incredible support system), I don’t know if I would have made it through all 8 weeks of that program. And if I didn’t make it through all 8 weeks of that program, there’s a really good chance that I wouldn’t have made it to today.

Especially now, knowing that so many of the parts of Eddie that fed into my attachment to him came from Joe, I feel... so singularly grateful to him as a person. I really hope one day I’m able to thank him for what he did with Eddie, because I’m not joking or being dramatic when I say that Eddie Munson may have genuinely saved my life.

Anyway, that’s the bare bones (kinda?) of my story. I just felt kind of compelled to share. So thanks for reading, if you made it through the whole thing. I love you guys.

#eddie munson #stranger things #tw hospital #tw trauma #tw depression #tw anxiety #tw panic attack #tw implied self harm #i ended up cutting a lot of details out of this bc it was making me really really emotional #but I felt like i needed to say this #i guess maybe in case i never get to actually say it to joe #idk

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writing-in-april · 4 years ago

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Cinematic Coincidences

Spencer Reid x Gender Neutral Reader

(Spencer’s POV)- listen I just love his POV lol

Summary: Spencer can’t bring himself to go on another date that’s been set up for him- so he stands his date up. Spence seemingly can’t catch a break and runs into the date he stood up.

A/N: Hey heyyy- here’s my seventh fic for my 30 fics in 30 days for April!! This one was requested by @andiebeaword (I added a reference for your love of hallmark movies in this hehe)- this is the original request- I tweaked the characters involved just a small bit lol I accidentally end up defaulting to using the people on the dream team lol- im going to start working in later characters in the show into some stuff in upcoming works (I’m also rewatching the later seasons so that’ll help get me inspired) Im always looking for feedback on my fics or really to talk about anything with my followers so feel free to drop into my inbox- here!! Thanks for reading- y’all have been so sweet 🥰 and hope y’all enjoy!!

Warnings: Insecure Spencer, Getting stood up for on a date, Morgan and Garcia (just the team in general) not really understanding Spencer fully, one tiny sexual innuendo- I think that’s it nothing too bad this time around

Main Masterlist Word Count: 2.4K

This was not what I wanted to be doing today. Garcia had once again inquired about my love life- along with Morgan of course, wanting to find out about all the juicy details. I didn’t know why they continued to ask when it was obvious that my love life was about as exciting as watching paint dry.

I gave my normal response to these types of inquiries, brushing them off without sounding too hurtful. Unfortunately Garcia would not be satiated by my response, apparently she was now fed up with my dull love life and felt like she needed to be personally involved. Garcia was very near and dear to me, just like Morgan, but I couldn’t deny that this grated my nerves.

“We’ll make you a dating profile too! Maybe you’ll find someone cute to date- or maybe get some?!” Garcia was chipper as usual, with her eyebrows wiggling at her suggestion that I should have a one night stand. All that I felt from her words was dread.

The dangers of online dating swirled in my mind and I tried to protest, it came out more like a stammer though. Morgan then patted me on the back and piped up, giving his own opinion, “Yeah- I think it’ll be good for you, pretty boy.”

Again I wanted to protest, beginning to stammer out another reason why I didn’t think it was a good idea. I sighed heavily when I was cut off again, by Morgan and Garcia already planning on what pictures they were going to upload of me. At least I knew that they had my best interests at heart, they wanted me to be happy with someone- or get some like Garcia had mentioned earlier. Still, it didn’t change the fact that there was no way I’d ever want to go willingly on a date with someone I had met on the internet.

—-

My thoughts had not changed since Morgan and Garcia had set up the dating profile for me. There hadn’t been any person I had been on a date with that had successfully been able to keep me interested beyond a few conversations.

“No luck with the online dating?” Morgan had teased when I had walked in with my head held low. This endeavor was just making me realize how picky and undesirable I was. Why couldn’t I just find someone pretty and be happy with it?

Morgan’s face twisted from a smile into a frown when I didn’t answer him, making my way silently to my desk.

For the rest of the day the team tiptoed around me, sensing my sadness. There was part of me that was angry at them for thinking that I couldn’t handle a few bad dates. But, they were right. I couldn’t handle the sting of rejection or the disappointment of a date that didn’t live up to my expectations.

Emily always seemed to know how to cheer me up, so I did attempt some small conversation in the break room while we were both getting our coffee. She never gave me any pity like the others who just flashed me sad looks, unwilling to make any effort to help- or like Garcia and Morgan, they helped in the wrong way even if their intentions were pure.

Her solution to my problem did make my ears perk up a bit, “Hey- I saw that you’ve been down and that it’s been about the online dating Morgan and Garcia made you get into.” I nodded my head in confirmation then gesturing for her to continue while I poured copious amounts of sugar into my drink. Emily opted for mostly cream instead of sugar, stirring her coffee a little, then continuing her thought,”I wondered how you would feel about being set up on a blind date. It’s someone I know so maybe that would make you feel better about going on it? Instead of having to deal with technology that I know you despise.”

Emily had a way of seeing exactly how I was feeling and not just spitting out facts without solutions like the others. Her solution made me nervous of course, there would probably never be a date that I wouldn’t be nervous for. However, this option made me feel a little bit more hopeful about my prospects in the dating pool. It was someone that she knew and trusted enough to suggest them as a potential match for a coworker. Emily didn’t trust easy, I could trust her judgment on this despite my nerves.

I gulped down a large sip of my overly sweetened coffee, collecting my thoughts before then answering, “Alright- I’ll go.”

—

The date that I was supposed to go on was at a quaint cafe near work. Emily had even made the effort to make sure that I had been there before so I might be more comfortable.

At first I had been extremely excited for the date, even going so far as to pick out my outfit. I would have worn my purple button up, that was the one I got the most compliments in. Emily had told me some stuff that my date was interested in so I made sure to brush up on my knowledge by reading about the topics. I had even called back to the restaurant menu in my mind, preparing myself by picking out what I wanted beforehand. On one of my dates set up through the dating app I had stumbled on my choice for food, making the person unnecessarily snappy. I had to cover all my bases to minimize potential awkwardness on my part.

Self doubt began to creep in after I had gotten fully dressed. I had gotten ready way too early in anticipation for the date, now sitting on my couch tapping my foot impatiently. I looked at my watch that sat over my long sleeves watching the clock tick closer and closed to when I was supposed to leave.

Biting my lip in worry, my mind couldn’t help but wander over into my self doubts. I couldn’t help but ask myself why anyone would want to date someone as tall and lanky as me- or why would someone want to go on a date with someone that couldn’t keep their mouth shut about random topics that no one cared about.

My self doubt swallowed any confidence that I had begun to build up in preparation for the date. I knew Emily would be furious with me tomorrow when I went into work, I didn’t want her to find out through her friend though. Deciding to get it over with I pulled out the phone I never used and texted her, telling her that I wasn’t coming. I told her to give my regrets to my date, who at this point was probably waiting patiently for me at the cafe. Sighing in defeat I then retreated into my bedroom again, crawling under my covers.

——

Emily hadn’t been furious with me- well that was a lie, at first she had stomped up to me the next morning to chew me out. She became more disappointed than anything when she found out my reasonings. She hadn’t mentioned anything about how the person I was supposed to be going on the blind date with felt. Not that I really wanted to hear about it, it would only make me feel worse. All I got from her was a small remark mumbled under her breath, “Idiots- the both of you…”

For the next few weeks I tried in vain to push thoughts of my failed blind date out of my head. I had avoided going in the general direction of the cafe. Luckily I took the metro everyday to work otherwise I’d have to drive by it every day, and I already hated driving.

I was at the bookstore for used booksjust around the corner from the cafe that was supposed to hold my date a few weeks ago. This was the closest I dared to go near it in a while. Since then I hadn’t been able to go there anymore, even though I loved the coffee there. Immense guilt had wormed its way into my brain when I had tried to order something there a week ago. All I had done was stammer at the cashier before bolting out of there, just another addition on the list of embarrassing things that I’ve done in my life.

I was flipping through an old edition of pride and prejudice out of boredom, there hadn’t been anything interesting stocked on the shelves since I had last been here. Then a voice piped up through the air that had a bit of dust flying through it,

“Excuse me, sir- if you’re still looking at that book would you mind if I looked at the ones on the shelf behind you?”

It took me a second before I realized the person was talking to me. I then removed my eyes from the book to blink up at them a few times, then registering what they had said to me and moved out of the way.

Their eyes were still glued to mine, the bookshelf behind me that they had wanted to look at forgotten. An awkward chuckle was all we both could seem to manage as we looked each other up and down. Emily had shown me a picture on her phone of my date so I would have been able to spot them at the restaurant. My cheeks flushed hard once I realized who was standing before me. There was no doubt who this was, the date I had stood up the night before.

Silence then fell between us and not the pleasant kind, it was most definitely awkward. I couldn’t imagine how they must have been feeling after I hadn’t shown up last night. They probably had sat

“Um- hi…” They spoke hesitantly, wringing their fingers in trepidation. My jaw opened and closed a few times, trying to come up with anything to say.

“Hi!” Was all I could manage to squeak out, plus a small wave in their direction.

They wrung their fingers a few more times, seemingly trying to come up with a response. I was surprised they hadn’t hit me with one of the books near them out of anger. It would be a normal response to being stood up for a date, the trepidation and silence just served to unnerve me further. Eventually they spoke again, saving me from anymore awkward silence which in my opinion was worse than awkward conversation, “Um- sorry for um, standing you up uh- a few weeks ago.”

That made my eyes bug out of my head- they had done the exact same thing as I had? Insecurity soon swept in, trying to tell me exactly why they had not shown up without hearing their side of the story. I looked down at the book I was holding, reading a few words for a moment of reprieve. Taking a deep breath I asked quietly, not admitting to my own faults yet, “W-why did you um- not go? If you don’t mind me asking…”

A deep sigh was what I got at first, one that obviously had a lot of stress in it. They then did provide me with an explanation, despite their obvious embarrassment, Well- It had nothing to do with you- a simple explanation would be saying it was my insecurity’s fault.”

Not that I would ever want anyone to feel insecure, but I would admit that them saying that did make my own stress melt away. They had not gone for almost the exact same reasons that me. I decided to be upfront, giving them my own reasoning- though I wasn’t even sure they realized that I hadn’t gone as well. “I don’t know if Emily told you, but I um- stood you up as well. It wasn’t because of anything bad! It was really for the same reason as you.”

They then broke out into giggles after they had processed my words for a second, which were much more relaxed than the awkward ones from before. I didn’t blame them, it was a pretty funny coincidence that we’d both stand each other up only to run into each other not knowing what we had done.

“I feel like we’re in one of those cheesy Hallmark movies right now…” Their comparison only confused me, I had no clue what they were talking about.

“What’s a Hallmark movie?” More giggles came from them at my questioning, though for once I didn’t feel like I was being laughed at. I felt like they were laughing at the whole situation, not at me specifically like so many people had often done. Also, I couldn’t help but admit to myself that their giggle was very cute.

Once their giggles had subsided a little they asked me something that almost no one would ask the person that had stood them up, “Maybe I could tell you over a coffee? If you want to of course- Emily told me about how much sugar you like in it.”

My interest was peaked, making me further regret having stood them up in the first place. Though I tried to push that thought out of the way considering we had both done the same thing. It was time to let that go so I could go on a date with them finally. Seeing them in person and being able to glimpse part of their personality made me want to know more.

“Alright- sure.” I set down the book I had been passively reading, now completely disinterested in it. There was something far more interesting in front of me now compared to a classic book I had read over ten times.

We both walked around the corner, to the cafe that we had originally had our date scheduled at. Conversation flowed easily between us, showing me that Emily had been totally right to set us up initially. Her words now made sense to me, we were both a couple of idiots.

We then got our coffee, which had been much smoother of a transaction compared to the last time I had been here. I took note of how much sugar and cream they liked, just in case we were going to do this again. Sitting down at the closest booth I then asked, “So tell me about Hallmark movies?”

Ask Me Anything

—-

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#spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid fluff #spencer reid fanfic #matthew gray gubler x reader #matthew gray gubler fluff #matthew gray gubler #criminal minds #criminal minds x reader #mgg #mgg x reader #30 fics in 30 days

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izzymeadows · 3 years ago

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Izzy’s Stranger Things Rewatch

YES I STARTED REWATCHING

YES IT’S BEEN LIKE A MONTH AND A HALF SINCE I FINISHED MY FIRST WATCHING I DON’T CARE

Anyways I was having so many thoughts while watching, that I decided to take notes. Yes, y’all gonna have to bear with me and my notes.

So, season 1 episode 1, The Vanishing of Will Byers, here we go!

i can put the cut in pc and i’m happy about it yay

OK the episode starts in the lab and I didn’t remember it from the first time, tho I did remember it from the Halloween watch party with Noah Schnapp lol and it’s a great start actually! I don’t really feel bad for any of the guys there and it’s Brenner’s fault.

So, after the lab scene, they cut to the sprinklers on the Wheelers’ garden, which makes me think they could have just waited to the following night and they wouldn’t have wasted water lol

And also how the kids part starts and finishes with water in this episode. I don’t know if it means something tho.

I love how the campaign the kids are playing shows a bit of what each one of them is: Mike is the Dungeon Master, the leader, he starts the action and makes the plans. Will is insecure, but he’s also willing to put the party before himself. Lucas tells Will to cast fireball, to jump to action, foreshadowing him being all out for going searching for Will; while Dustin’s advice is about protecting himself, as he later shows he’s the only one who even thinks of going back home, or about the possible threats Will could have found.

When Mike’s friends leave, Dustin and Lucas just go, but Will stays a bit to tell Mike he failed his roll, even though Lucas told him “if Mike didn’t see it, it doesn’t count”. He’s a honest kid, and he’s also foreshadowing what’s gonna happen to him just now. And Mike doesn’t say anything, but his face screams “please don’t go” and it’s super cute, but I also think maybe he had a hunch about something bad happening to Will?

And exactly when Will leaves, the lights at Mike’s house flicker. Is it Will himself, or is it the demogorgon?

Then the kids leave, and Dustin has the race idea (poor baby, I think a lot of how bad he must have felt about this later), and I already talked here about X-Men 134, so I’m not going to repeat myself. Because then the light on the front of Will’s bike goes off and he sees the demogorgon in the middle of the road, which is what makes him fall off the bike. I also talked about this in the same post, but I’m going to repeat myself now: the demogorgon was targeting Will. I have fresh memories now and it’s really obvious. It chases him across the forest, opens the lock to the front door, messes with the phone and follows him all the way to the shed. And then it attacks him from behind. It’s way more than any predator would do for a random prey, and also way more than the demogorgon does for any other character in the rest of the season.

Kudos to Noah for his superb interpretation btw. Before seeing the demogorgon, he didn’t really need to do anything special, I guess, but all that sequence after is awesome. His scared voice when he’s calling for Jonathan and Joyce, and on the phone, his trembling hands while loading the gun, the small “please” he mouths when he turns around to find the demogorgon behind him... He’s a delight to see in action.

I like how the dog looked scared too.

Two details about the rifle: it doesn’t look too large even in tiny Will’s hands, but it’s more than a metre long actually (it’s a Mossberg 144 LS according the Internet Movie Firearms Database). And it disappears alongside Will, but it seems like it’s the same gun Nancy wields in season 2 against the demodogs. How did it come back? I have questions.

Also, the phone was left hanging from the cord and the shed light was on, but nobody noticed? The Byers are truly a disaster lol

And then Will disappears alongside the demogorgon and cut to the credits, and I fucking love the credits. My friend skipped them every time while we were watching it :( I mean, it’s a simple design, but hearing that music after such an unsettling scene gave me goosebumps.

The first thing we see after the credits is a drawing obviously made by a small kid on a wall and now that I know it’s Sara’s I’M SAD. And then we see Hopper and he’s wearing Sara’s hairband as a bracelet and again, the first time you watch it, these two details say nothing, but when you know the story they break your heart.

I love how this scene shows Hopper as a disaster guy. He sleeps in the couch, his house is full of beer cans, he has pills and beer for breakfast and he leaves the TV on when he goes off to work. Late, btw.

David Harbour doesn’t have the right to be that sexy to me, an asexual person, and also he’s too tall for his shower and that’s funny

Anyways, as the Duffers are madly in love with details, when Hopper leaves, the woman on the TV was saying it was gonna rain at night.

I also love how the scene of the morning at the Byers’ shows they’re also a disaster. Joyce doesn’t find her keys, Jonathan doesn’t wake Will up, Will doesn’t make his bed... And all the house is a mess. I really love how this show uses absolutely everything to tell us little things about the characters. The breakfast scene at the Wheelers’ is another great example, we see the dynamic between Mike and Nancy and how Ted does nothing about anything, while Karen answers the phone with Holly in her arms because she can’t trust her husband to look for her for a moment. It’s also funny how Joyce mistakes Mike’s voice with Will’s and a while after, in the same episode, she recognizes Will’s breathing.

The bullies are as witty as a brick, but then we get Mike telling Dustin he’s like Mr. Fantastic and that’s adorable. Barb is also adorable. And Steve. There’s a big difference between Steve with Nancy and Steve with his stupid friends, because he’s really nice and respectful to her. You should have dumped those assholes sooner Steve.

“Mornings are for coffee and contemplation” is a great line and I try to live it to the fullest lol. Hopper doesn’t want Will’s vanishing to be a big problem and it shows, but we’re not 20 minutes into the show yet and he’s already doubting Joyce. And she’s right. She’s always right and everybody doubts her :(

Lonnie says ACAB because even a stopped clock is right twice a day. But why does he hate cops so much? Is it just to show a contrast between him and Hopper? Does he have anything to hide? Besides the whole being an abusive asshole I mean, given that he doesn’t really hide that.

The action goes back to the lab, where we see Brenner with his suit and perfectly done hair, he looks way more respectable than he is. Then they go to the gate to the Upside Down, and there are flickering lights and those white thingies in the air that look like ashes. I like how the opening seems to breathe. It’s like the Upside Down is alive. Scary.

Then they say “the girl” can’t have gone too far and cut to El, alone, barefoot, dirty, and her hospital gown is torn at the hem, which I guess it’s from the fence outside the lab or something like that. And she’s caught stealing fries from Benny, who I met as Taserface in Guardians of the Galaxy vol. 2 btw, but Benny is way better. Taserface is an asshole. Benny is harsh at first, but then he lends El a shirt, and feeds her and shows her how to do a handshake. She even ends up smiling to him and it’s really cute. He’s a wholesome guy.

I love Mr. Clarke. He’s a committed teacher and he looks so proud of the big radio <3 and the kids trying to talk to Australian people are adorable. “Do you eat kangaroos for breakfast?” Dustin please. I love you.

I love how Dustin and Lucas fight over Mirkwood, and Mike’s face like “why am I stuck with you two”. These kids have such a normal friendship. I love the writing for this show. And Mike offering to help look for Will, which makes it less than half an hour of the season with him not being all about finding his friend. He’s so sweet please.

The scene with Joyce and Will in Castle Byers is one of my favourites of the episode. She rings the bell and says the password because she respects her kid’s privacy, because she’s the best and that probably makes a contrast between her and Lonnie, because Lonnie doesn’t seem to respect anybody.

“I don’t get scared like that anymore,” he says, and Joyce laughs and teases him and she mentions him being scared of clowns, which is probably a reference to It, but also makes me think of his episode in Halloween in season 2. Because it looks like it was triggered by the guy dressed as a clown. And the story Bob tells him about a clown that scared him. Clowns are bad news guys.

And then it cuts to the present and we see a sign reading “All friends welcome” next to the “Castle Byers” one, and I thought about El finding Will at the end of the season, because he was hiding there. She’s a friend so she’s welcome. Details that warm my heart.

There’s also a shot in this scene from inside Castle Byers, when the wind opens the curtain and the point of view changes to the inside, probably hinting that Will’s actually there in the Upside Down, and I love these things.

Then El shows her powers, tho the blood in her nose barely shows, and the cops find Will’s bike, and here is when we start seeing Hopper is actually a smart guy, as he guesses Will left the bike there because he was running from something, and then he takes like two seconds to find out how the notch on the wall was made when Will slammed the door open to go to the shed. Smart and observant. He also sees the dog barking at the shed and it looks like that’s why he goes in there. He switches the light on, and it goes off by itself. Everytime there’s something about the Upside Down or the demogorgon, or Will in the Upside Down, lights flicker or go off.

The scene of the Wheelers having dinner makes me sad. Karen is trying to be a good and responsible mom, Mike is worried for Will, Nancy is angry because she can’t go out with Steve and Holly looks so sad when her siblings leave the table. Seriously, Ted is living in a sitcom. He seems to think everything is gonna get better by itself.

I love how Lucas and Mike understand each other without having to say everything aloud. Mike mentions how Will took the risky option in the D&D game and Lucas just knows what he means. Also, when Mike leaves and sees Steve trying to go into Nancy’s room, and they look at each other and Steve tries to look nonchalant lmao

I want to point out how Steve does try to get his way with Nancy, but when she says no, he backs off and gets her notes again to help her study, even if he doesn’t want to study himself. He respects her boundaries. Again, when he’s alone with Nancy, he shows he’s actually a good guy.

Benny noticed the woman he talked to on the phone didn’t have the same voice as the one that came to his diner :( poor Benny, he deserved better. Fuck Connie Frazier. Fuck Brenner.

Jonathan crying because he wasn’t there for Will breaks my heart and soul. Poor kid, he shouldn’t have to bear so much responsibility. And then Joyce tells him Will’s close and she’s right. AGAIN. AND NOBODY BELIEVES HER BUT SHE KNOWS. Winona fucking delivered in this scene. She always does, but her cries on the phone and when she’s hugging Jonathan for dear life? Outstanding.

Also Joyce knows Will’s breathing please. But hear me out, that’s not the only thing she hears. There’s a moment of something like static, and then growls. It looks like it was indeed Will, but the demogorgon came for him again and he had to flee.

And then the kids find Eleven, and she looks so scared and cold, I want to hug her. Poor child, no wonder they just took her in without asking. I would have probably done the same.

So, the episode finishes there and it’s a wonderful beginning for a show like this. It has everything: we already know all the important characters of the season, we know how they are, we have two main plots (the search for Will and whatever is happening with El) and we know how every character has a role in or is related to at least one of them. It’s a perfect presentation.

#stranger things #stranger things season 1 #show analysis #izzy liveblogs #i didn't even know i had so much to say about this episode #and it's only the first one #i love these characters #joyce is the best mom #mike is a sweetheart #the party are the best of friends

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flyersheartbreaker · 3 years ago

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Forever By Your Side| Isaac Ratcliffe

a/n: this is my first imagine that I am officially publishing! I am very excited to share all of my writing content and series with you guys :)

Pair: Isaac Ratcliffe x reader

Summary: Watching your boyfriend Isaac get seriously hurt during one of his home games and watching him battle through the toughest injury a hockey player could battle, so he can continue on with dream playing in the NHL

Warnings: Hockey Injuries, Cussing, Cute Fluff

Word Count: 3,321 words

It was just another ordinary Sunday afternoon watching a game live from the PPL center here in Allentown, Pennsylvania or so I thought. The game was going really well with the Phantoms up 3-1 on the Hershey Bears half way through the second period. There was your beloved star-studded boyfriend number 19 carrying the puck up against the boards through the neutral zone when suddenly bam everything went to complete silence, except for that shear sound that you wish you could so badly get out of you head.

I jumped out of my seat and darted up the stairs from the lower-level seats that I was sitting in with some of the other girlfriends. I can hear the god-awful scream ringing in my ears over and over again that was coming down from ice level. The crowd was silent, so quiet that you could probably hear a pin drop and when that happens you know for a fact that it isn’t good. Nothing ever good comes from silence at a time like this and I needed to get down to the locker rooms as quick as possible.

Isaac got hit hard up against the boards and fell awkwardly down to the ground, and his right foot looked like it twisted the wrong way. He's had rough collisions before, but never like this. Isaac is a big dude that you surely didn’t want to ending up colliding with, but this time it looked like Isaac got the wrong end of the play. I never in my life ever heard him yell in absolute pain like the wat he was when the trainers and his teammates were trying to help his 6-foot-6 body off of the ice.

My heart was in my stomach as I was racing down the stairs that would lead me to the home locker rooms. I quickly flashed my team badge to the security guard Frank without saying a word. He must have known it wasn’t good either, as he told me to breathe and be careful myself as I jumped down the last few steps.

If Isaac had a season ending injury, it would kill him. He was just heating up and playing his best hockey yet and working his ass off day in and day out so he could eventually make the Flyers roster within this season or even next season for sure. But if his season is over that means his chances of getting to the NHL level could be too and that would just destroy him completely.

As soon as I rounded the corner to the trainer's office, I saw him being helped on to the examine table. His face was as red as a cherry, and he was in a lot of pain. The trainers quickly started icing the area the best that they could as they slowly untied his skate and too it off of him.

“He is definitely going to need some X-Rays done immediately and possibly an MRI as well depending on what the results of the X-Rays are.” The Phantoms trainer Brian Grogesky said to Neil who was one of the Phantoms physicians.

“Jeff and Robert are on their way down from the press box and getting the emergency X-Ray equipment ready. In the mean time you need to relax the best that you can Isaac.” Neil said to Isaac as Isaac tried his best laying down comfortably on the examine table.

Both Brian and Neil noticed me standing outside of the door of the trainer's room and signaled me to come on in, in hopes that Isaac could ease up and relax a little bit more with me by his side.

“Hello, y/n! Looks like we got a live one here and that big boy landed pretty hard on that ankle of his.” Brian said trying to make light of the situation.

Isaac sat up on his elbow and looked me dead in the eyes. I can see and feel the pan behind them, my heart sank even more for him. I just want him to be okay, I want him to be able to play the rest of this season, he worked way too fucking hard for this to happen to him.

“Hey babes, how is the pain?” I said walking over to Isaac and grabbing his hand while kissing him ever so lightly and carefully.

“It's a bitch babe if I am being honest. I’m trying not to think of the worst, but I can’t help it. This isn’t fair, why me? Why fucking me?” Isaac said in more frustration.

“Isaac, don’t get too far ahead of yourself. We don’t know the actual results just yet. But whatever the outcome is you can come back from it stronger than ever. Hockey injuries is sometimes apart of the game as silly and stupid as it sounds, but you’re a fighter and you got this.” Neil said as he placed another bag of ice on Isaac’s ankle.

“They are right babe, your team trainers, physicians and any other doctors have your best interests. Let’s get you into the X-Ray room and then go from there okay big guy.” I said while planting another kiss onto Isaac’s lips.

Jeff brought in some crutches for Isaac to use, so they can take him down the hall to get the X-Rays taking care of. I am hoping that is all that Isaac is going to need and that whatever it is, it's a quick recovery.

After a few short minutes Isaac was crutching back out of the X-Ray room with a look of disappointment on his face.

“Oh no babe...how bad is it?” I asked him while he collects himself.

“It’s not broken...but they are sending me for an MRI early tomorrow morning to see if that shows up with anything and then go from there.” He said in a low tone.

“Well, that is a plus sign that it isn’t broken. You got to be positive about this honey, you need to be optimistic. You can't be negative. Everything is going to work out for the best. Hopefully it's just a minor sprain and you will be back on the ice in no time.” You told Isaac as you wrapped yourself around his side.

All of Isaac’s staff and trainers helped Isaac out of the arena and to his car and safety got him into the passenger seat while, I got into Isaac’s driver's seat.

“Alright, make sure when you get home you put more ice on that ankle for at least 15-20 mins on and then same time off. Do it throughout the night if you can and also, make sure you are using the crutches as much as possible and for the love of God Isaac do not put any pressure on that ankle until after we get the MRI results and see exactly what is going on. We don’t want to make the injury any worse than what it could already be. Try to get some much-needed rest and we will see you in the morning.” Brian said closing the passenger door.

The ride back to Isaac’s apartment complex was extremely quiet. I didn’t know what to say or what to do, so I just let Isaac sit there and pounder in his thoughts alone without me distracting him. Which probably wasn’t a good idea, because I know my boyfriend, I know for a fact that he is thinking the worst possible scenario that he could think of right now.

I helped Isaac out of the car and into the elevators up to his apartment and got him comfortably settled on the couch with his foot/ankle elevated and two ice packs placed on the injured area.

“Do you want or need anything? You want me to bring out another pair of comfy clothes for you?” You asked Isaac as you placed a pillow behind his head/back and placed a blanket right by him as well.

“No, I’m fine...” He whispered as scrolled on his iPad to rewatch the ending of the game and rewatch highlights and the moment of his injury.

You so badly, wanted to say something along the lines to him like "babe don’t be watching that now, it wasn’t your fault, there was nothing that you could have done to prevented that from happening, so on and on.” But deep down you knew nothing would make him feel better until he knew what the main results were. And as the night went on, you could see the realization hit him that this was going to keep him out for a while. He just looked sad, and drained.

After a couple of hours, another X-Ray, and an MRI later, you and Isaac were sitting there waiting in the trainer's office for the results from both the trainer and team doctors.

Both Brian and Jeff walk in with a folder which I assume held the test results for Isaac’s ankle/foot.

“Well, the good news is the second X-Ray that we took this morning once again showed that there was no brake in both the ankle and the foot.” Brian said.

“And what about the MRI? What did the MRI show?” Isaac asked nervously.

I grabbed Isaac’s hand and interlocked his fingers with mine. I could see the look on both Brian’s, Jeff’s, and even Coach Gordon’s face that this news that they are about to give doesn’t seem to be very promising.

Jeff cleared his throat ever so calmly and spoke. “The MRI came back with a high ankle sprain injury which means we really don’t have a timetable for you to return to at this point of time. This type of injury is extremely difficult to recover from quickly. So, with that being said we need to place you on injury reserve indefinitely until we get more of a clear view on this injury.”

“Out indefinitely...so that could mean that I might be done for the season?” Isaac ever so softly spoke.

“Unfortunately, yes Rat...I am so sorry and with it being late into the season already we don’t want to risk anything further and do anymore damage to the ankle. Brian, Jeff and myself all agreed on shutting you down for the remainder of this year. So, it’s better for you to take this time to heal carefully and properly and then eventually rehab it back to full strength without any other necessary tests or worse case scenario surgeries. Then once you have healed properly, we can train and get you back to 100 percent for next year's rookie and training camp.” Coach Scott Gordon said while looking at both Isaac and myself.

My heart broke ever so much for Isaac, this isn’t fair. I know injuries can be a part of the game sometimes, but why did this have to happen to Isaac and why now?! He has been killing it day in and day out since being drafted in 2017. He deserves his chance at playing at the NHL and now with this setback is he ever going to make it to that level?

The ride to Isaac’s apartment was once again a quiet one and this time I don’t blame him. I mean how is he supposed to react to something like this? What is he supposed to say or do when your head coach, trainer and team doctor shut you completely down for God knows how long.

Isaac settled down on the couch and tossed his crutches to side and unstrapped his high ankle boot so he can comfortably rest his ankle on the pillow in front him.

"Baby, I am so fucking sorry that is happening, it’s not right nor is it fair to you." I said, resting my head on his shoulder while getting cozy next to him.

"What if this is it for me? What if I can't play anymore after this?" He asks, eyes filling with tears.

"Hey, hey, hey, don't say that. You being negative will only make that happen. You are a fighter Rat...you are one tough, strong as hell hockey player who will power through this. I promise you that." I said grabbing his hand and interlocking our fingers together, while placing a kiss on his hand.

A tear rolls down his cheek ever so slightly. "All I wanted to do was be that excitement that both the Lehigh and Philly fans need. All I wanted ever so badly was to have my chance to make it to the NHL level and it got taken away from me. Why do bad things happen to good people?" Isaac asked broken and frustrated.

Once he started crying, I had lost it. Nothing I could do, or say would take that pain away from him and it just broke my heart. I went into the kitchen and I just cried as grabbed him more ice packs from the freezer. How am I supposed to look at the man that I love, and not have my heart shatter like glass when I look into those eyes that were once so shiny, and bright, but now shows nothing at all? I have no idea the pain he is going through or the frustrating emotions he is now going through as well and I feel terrible.

I eventually collected myself and walked back out into the living room and ever so easily and softly place the ice packs on the injured area and took my seat back on the couch next to Isaac.

"That's the crappy thing about life.” I breathed as I took a deep breathe myself and continued on. “For some reason, it always attacks the good ones, and praises the hell out of the bad ones." I sob, wiping away not only my own tears but also his tears once again. "We'll get through this. I promise. It'll be hard, and it'll be long, but we're going to pull through this." I tell him as I run my hand through his hair.

He squeezes my other hand tightly. "What if during my time out things don’t get better and I need to get surgery, and it's worse than they thought? That could happen. What if they see that my injury is worse than what they thought and that I am out on the shelf even longer and I completely miss this upcoming season as well? Or worse they tell me that I can't do this anymore?" He asks, gasping for air. "I don't want that to happen and I'm scared to death that it will."

I snuggled beside him even more then I already was, resting my head on his chest, sobbing harder than I was before, because I honestly hate when he thinks that he isn’t good enough or he thinks his career is over because of a minor setback or in this case a possible major setback. "Then we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it, okay? Just for now, it's a bump in the road. No journey to greatness is a smooth one Isaac. Whatever the hell happens next, we'll face it together as a team, because I am not leaving your side and letting you fight this injury alone. I know that you so badly want to break and that you feel like this the end of the road, but you need to keep pushing and listen to the training staff and follow their instructions."

"I love you so much." He tells me, sniffling. "Thank you for helping me with this, baby, I couldn’t do this without you" Isaac said while planting a soft and slow kiss on my lips

"I'll help you through anything. No matter what." I said while smiling and kissing him softly back.

It was battle to get Isaac’s ankle back to a healthy, normal, and stable ankle for a hockey player at his height and weight but we were able to do it. It was a long road and journey until Isaac was back out on the ice skating again and preparing himself for this upcoming training camp season.

Isaac looked and felt good, until one day right before the Flyers condensed training camp something didn’t seem right with him.

Isaac met up with Flyers trainer Jim McCrossin and after a deep examination we found out that Isaac was suffering from a fractured rib and a collapsed lung. We don’t know how exactly this had happen or when it happened. It could have been from when he fell during his ankle injury or from being hit during Rookie Camp, we don’t have the answers right now. And once again, here I am watching my boyfriend being completely destroyed and devastated all over again.

Isaac became instantly depressed, and much worst this time around because he knew there was no chance of making the Flyers squad this season and who knew when he could lace up for the Phantoms season as well. But thank God for Jim McCrossin who helped Isaac get the right and special care that he needed and got him completely healthy so he could play for the rest of this Phantoms season as well.

Isaac was getting game day dressed for a home game here in Allentown. I sat on the bed and watched/admire him as he fixes his tie in the mirror.

"Try not to worry about tonight so much baby, you are going to absolutely kill it out there like always. Once you get out on that ice, I have no doubt in my mind you will play just like how you used to before all of these setbacks. And just remember that no matter how easy, or how hard tonight’s game is going to be I'll be here for you always. But also, please promise me one thing, that if you don’t feel right to let your staff know immediately because I never want to see you get hurt like this again.” I said walking up behind him and wrapping my arms around his torso.

"I promise babe, I know that I need to take my health more seriously and whatever happens, happens. One day I will make my dream a reality and officially play in the NHL, but for the time being I got to focus on the now and my health." He said as he spun around and kissed me.

Watching Isaac warm up made my heart race and beat fast. But it was all worth seeing him back out there skating with the team and his boys. He looked so good and happy out on the ice and that is all that I could ever ask for.

The journey was extremely hard and long this past summer and fall for both Isaac and I, but in the end it definitely made us a stronger unit in our relationship and it has totally made Isaac a stronger hockey player both physically and mentally.

After the game, I bolted down to the locker room this time excitedly to see my boyfriend, not in a complete shear panic like last time and waited for Isaac to come out after he was done with the media.

The door swung open and I immediately saw Isaac and jumped right into arms like a little high school girl. “Babeee, you were beyond amazing tonight! I am so very proud of you, how are you feeling?” I asked nervously but giddy at the same time.

Isaac picked me up and kissed me ever so passionately before answering any of my questions that I just threw at him. “I felt good and still feel good. It was awesome to be back out on that ice again playing with the boys in front of our home crowd, their excitement and energy helped out a lot. But truthfully, I couldn’t have done any of this without you, y/n. I love you so much and I can’t wait to continue this amazing hockey journey with you right by myside.”

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teresa-moyocoyotzin · 3 years ago

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short recap of my thoughts on 5x09

okay so i was gonna rewatch the whole episode and do a blow-by-blow reaction post but i’m not sure i’ll have time and i kinda wanna focus on watching my fave scenes from the show before tonight. also, everyone else’s reaction posts p. much sum up my thoughts lol

nonetheless, i just wanted to give my main takeaways on the episode a week later, in case anyone cares where i’m at going into the finale! gonna go over the things i liked first, anyone who wants to just remain positive and not see any salty takes might wanna just stick to reading the first part b/c i definitely rant a bit at the end lmao. we’re still having a fun time tho 😂

THINGS I LOVED

- i mean... i think we know LOL

- obviously. i loved james and teresa’s i love you scenes, and kisses, and OOF THAT SEX SCENE. if someone had told me we were gonna get that scene back in like 2017??? i probably would have started literally floating. i totally respect that people had very specific ideas of what they wanted out of those scenes and could have different feelings about it but NOT ME BABES I AM ECSTATIC!!! i did go into the episode with a ~feeling~ that we were gonna get at least one ILY in the episode, and i just had a feeling it would be james, or at least that he would say it first. i’ve already explained in my meta about the scenes why i think it makes sense that he said it first and why i love it that he did, so i won’t go into that here. but i went in having really no expectations for it other than that it was gonna happen! i was debating about whether it would happen really casually while they’re talking, or in like a big action scene, or really dramatic or what, and what i would prefer, and i came to the conclusion that i would love it no matter what lol, but i was really into the idea of james just. fucking. saying it. while they’re just talking about something really casually. so therefore i was pretty happy with it when we got sort of a mix! they’re talking about teresa’s insane death trap of a plan so there’s that drama of “i don’t want to lose you esp. not before saying ILY” kinda thing, but it’s also just. so simple and sure! and then teresa’s i love you is like the perfect scene for me where one character is super focused on something else (in this case, trying to protect the woman he loves! agh!) and the other is just like.. i love you!!!! SO GOOD

- let’s see, what the hell else happened in this ep?

- oh okay i really liked james and teresa’s vibes this episode, they were so focused on each other and had this very ride-or-die feeling about them like they knew that each of their plans was increasingly stupid and desperate and might not even get them where they wanna go, but they were IN IT TOGETHER no matter what 😭i wish we had gotten a callback to that line but at this point, i’m p. sure they Know they’re in it together, and we do too. so it’s okay. i love that teresa still asks his input and considers his opinions even if she does her own thing anyways haha

- oh on that note, i LOVED the moment where their plans to kill Kostya aren’t working and Teresa says something like “If I can meet with him in person, I can kill him myself” and James just has this LOOK that just is the epitome of the “I am in love with a women who is DESIGNED TO STRESS ME OUT” meme lol, it made me giggle, v classic QOTS moment

- oh and of course, I LOVED that scene with devon and james at the end!!!!!!!! i was also confused about how james was showing all his emotions in that scene esp. since he tries to be stoic about his feelings for Teresa around Devon, but now that i’ve read a few people’s thoughts about, it i’m fully on board w the theory that james and teresa already knew this was coming, b/c they’re smart, and b/c james knows devon wouldn’t have let him walk away to save Teresa at the beginning of the season without motivation (like having him in place to kill her when she’s no longer useful to the CIA) and THEREFORE james was sort of “overacting” to make it believable to devon (and the audience lol) that he didn’t know this was coming, didn’t want to do it, but felt like he had to, rather than the fact that they were already plotting a fake death. that makes a lot of sense to me and makes me really love all the layers to that scene. it does give me a little bit of hope that the finale ~teresa’s not really dead~ reveal will be at least a little well executed and not just shoved in at the very end. we shall see though!

- alright i think that’s what i loved about the episode, if u don’t wanna hear me bitching about the little things then u should probably stop here!! just have to get out some of my saltiness lol

THINGS I WAS ANNOYED ABOUT

- i’m just gonna get it out of the way, yes, i too was supremely annoyed at the amount of KA and Pote take suburbia; it was all 1000% predictable down to the raccoon and the cookies, and the point could have been accomplished in exactly 1 scene, maybe 2, certainly not like 10 or however many we got. whatever. ugh.

- okay. OKAY. chicho. we need to talk about chicho. i for one, am not mad that he called pote, my boy was stressed. I AM HOWEVER, mad at the writers for making pote come back after saying he trusted chicho to take care of teresa now. like. it totally devalued THE WHOLE THING!! imo, pote shoulda stayed his ass at home where we had to watch him settle all episode, and chicho should have gotten THE HERO MOMENT HE DESERVED (esp. cuz he’s on first name basis w teresa now??) which ALSO WOULD HAVE MADE THE SCENE WHERE TERESA GIVES CHICHO THE DISTILLERY AND THE BAR SO! MUCH! MORE! MEANINGFUL!!!!! or just made it make sense at all? like .... i’m just so confused by that whole plotline like what was the point? chicho does nothing but call pote and gets T’s whole legacy in NOLA?

- and don’t even get me started on how it makes ZERO sense that pote would have had to charge in at the last minute to save teresa when JAMES THE SNIPER W AMAZING AIM WHO IS LITERALLY. IN LOVE WITH HER. is standing outside like. ur telling me james and chicho (who again, is supposed to be her #2 after james now) just stood there like “oh hey pote yeah you go ahead we’ll wait here good luck” like WHAT also.. how did pote get past all the guards that made james stay outside? are we meant to believe pote is that sneaky? y’all. it just. doesn’t make sense. this whole plot situation maddens me more than anythings tbh UGH JUST MAKE IT MAKE SENSE

- oksana’s daughter..... what’s her name again? idk b/c we only MET HER THIS WEEK....okay this amuses me but i’m also annoyed b/c like. there were so many other women who could have taken that spot in the opening sequence... Lil T, Castel, hell even Isabela??? Like idk how they could have done it but they put so much effort into her plot in the first seasons that i really thought she was gonna end up w/ Teresa in the end.. idk that would have been kind cool, Camila’s two “daughters” eventually working their way out of the life together..again idk how they could have realistically done it but i really do wish it had been someone we met before. if it had to be someone new this season, they could have introduced her earlier instead of one of the seemingly dozens of random guys we knew for 1 episode before they died... like.. give her some depth please. is she even gonna be in the finale? honestly she better be after making us listen to pote welcome her into the family... like the family u were supposed to leave so u could have an actual baby pote? the family that’s literally dispersing as we speak? also.. since when did pote love oksana so much anyways? also...... just.. if teresa’s gonna have some sort of daughter figure or whatever she’s supposed to be, wouldn’t it make sense to have her be the one to give the big welcome to the family speech? idk y’all..... i’m amused but also baffled at the sheer lack of planning behind this. did no one realize they needed someone for the opening scene until like. halfway thru the season? did they plan to have it be castel but they couldn’t get her for filming (hence all the weird castel plots?) INQUIRING MINDS WOULD LIKE TO KNOW. it’s whatever tho lol

- i just hope that what’s-her-name gets a lil bit of plot in the finale esp. since otherwise it might just be pote running around being pissy (i don’t actually think that haha but i am a lil nervous that teresa won’t come back until the last few mins and i’ll have to spend all episode looking at boaz and devon and pote and KA.. i haven’t looked at any spoilers tho so i’m still hopeful! i will probably make a post about my hopes going into the finale a lil later, both realistic and unrealistic :)

#ik it's all been said before but i just had to get my feelings out before i could move on to the finale #the finale!!! wow.. crazy shit y'all #qots #queen of the south #jeresa #qots 5x09

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shimmershae · 4 years ago

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The more I think about it, the more “Find Me” feels like an echo of “Ghosts.”

Allow me to explain. In probably the most rambling and incoherent way possible, lol. My earlier post on Twitter about Season 10 being an exercise in grief and longing really got me to thinking. Not just thinking. Ruminating.

Anywho.

Posting the rest of this beneath a cut because nobody asked for this (I swear I haven’t imbibed or ingested any illegal substances).

It doesn’t take long for Carol to be established as an unreliable narrator in “Ghosts.” At first it isn’t completely obvious because there’s just enough fact in the fiction that Carol’s triggered brain stirs up. Daryl’s there and he’s concerned about her. He’s supportive. Both things he’d been before, especially since Henry’s death, but there are just enough elements in those chemically and grief induced hallucinations of hers that make you go--oh wait a minute. Like she’s having a break from reality but she’s desperately grasping for that which grounds her and that’s Daryl.

Am I making any sense here? I feel like I’m not.

Let me approach this from another angle.

Following the airing of “Find Me” various people mentioned that Daryl, similarly to Carol in “Ghosts” wasn’t exactly the most reliable narrator. That things weren’t necessarily as they seemed. The word toxic was bandied about but other than Leah giving Daryl an ultimatum to choose her over his family and Daryl dwelling in deep, longstanding depression? There wasn’t much else overtly deserving of that moniker.

Argh. I’m still not explaining myself well. Let me just jump right in the deep end of probable delusion here. Sometimes it’s fun to splash around, lol.

Wouldn’t it be wild—sad AF but still wild—if Leah was already dead when Daryl met her?

Bear with me here.

Like Carol in “Ghosts” Daryl is obviously struggling. He’s grief-stricken. His brother is lost to him and after he betrayed him no less. His close friend is mired in her own grief--she’s just lost her mate, probably recently discovered she was carrying RJ, and it wasn’t too long before that they had all lost Carl. And that’s not even considering Carol, who’s allowed herself to be pulled away, lured by the tantalizing chance of doing things right this time. Of rearing a child capable of surviving in the harsh world they live in. Another thing to remember is Daryl is not that far removed from his torture at Negan’s hands. So he’s more fragile than he’d willingly admit to anyone.

He’s searching the woods for a man that isn’t there. Now he’s no more aware that Rick was taken than the rest of Team Family, but he’s unwilling to give up hope and so he searches and because Rick’s not there and hasn’t been since shortly after that bridge blew up, Daryl’s doomed to always come up empty. To always feel disappointment. To never have his grief assuaged because as long as there’s no body in the form of a Walker, there’s still hope. Or plausible denial. Take your pick.

He’s tireless in his search. He’s methodical. He plots out the places he’s already scoured on a hand-drawn map. A map that just so happens to get ruined by an awful storm and Daryl seems to reach his breaking point, screaming out into the roar of that storm. Walking through the barrage, the harsh rain and the violent lightning, unconcerned for his safety.

Dude has a bit of a mental break. He’s undeniably emotional.

It’s not long after that he stumbles upon Dog. Or, more aptly, Dog stumbles upon him.

That puppy immediately lightens Daryl’s heavy heart and helping it find its way home gives him purpose. He’s a tracker after all. He could have easily traced Dog’s steps back to that cabin.

Funny that Dog was always coming to him. That he was roaming free in woods that were full of hidden dangers.

I don’t know about the rest of ya’ll but that cabin looked abandoned when Daryl first discovered it. Maybe not long abandoned, but it didn’t look inhabited by the living. And that’s the weird thing. How did that Walker get into the cabin? Did Leah just leave the door wide open for it? Did she also leave the door wide open for Dog to escape? Why was he always such an unaccompanied furry minor?

The thoughts swirling around in my brain, lovelies. They’re going to force me to go back and watch that fucking episode again aren’t they?

My point is that Dog essentially leads Daryl to the cabin. The Walker’s inside and then he stumbles upon Leah, who bursts onto the scene like she wants to be Sarah Connor or something. Daryl ends up in restraints and Leah questions him and ultimately lets him go and WTF, lovelies. Who does that in the ZA? As a woman all alone in a cabin miles from anybody else, in the company of a man she doesn’t know from Adam? If ever there’s a time to have stranger danger...

Right from the start, this chick doesn’t really add up.

So Daryl leaves the cabin. He resumes his search for Rick and he seems to give very little thought to this Leah or the cabin. Until Dog finds him again.

Strange isn’t it that he keeps stumbling back in her path around the times that Carol visits, when she draws further and further from his reach and closer to the fairytale he thinks she’s living at the Kingdom?

Did Daryl ever go to that cabin without following Dog? I can’t remember. The episode was beautifully shot but ultimately too painful to rewatch for my Caryl loving heart.

Anywho.

When Daryl and Carol come upon that cabin in the woods, Daryl’s flashbacks begin. They’re hazy around the edges and not as clearly defined as the moments he spends with Carol. Speaking of the moments he spends with Carol, how coincidinky that so many of them echo his moments with Leah? Or do we have it all backwards? Hmm?

Things are so convoluted sometimes on this fucking show it leads one to question their sanity.

Let me ramble out a few wild thoughts for you lovelies again and you tell me if I’ve completely lost it, lol.

What if Dog was simply an orphaned, abandoned Dog that found Daryl in the woods?

What if Daryl followed the trail Dog had traveled in reverse and stumbled upon the cabin?

What if the cabin was abandoned because Leah was already dead? What if she’d taken her own life? What if Daryl saw the cross/grave outside and the picture inside and his grief-stricken brain conjured up a whole tragic story for this woman, this Walker roaming around inside this house, and she became his coping mechanism? You know. Kind of like Rick did Lori when he had his own break with reality. They’ve all suffered so much, lovelies. They’ve all got PTSD. It’s just manifesting in different ways.

I mean, all of this would fit the label of sad that NR and others have given this little tale. It would even fit toxic because Daryl let grief and loneliness swallow him for a while.

As Carol pulls farther away from him, Leah just keeps popping up more and more.

Daryl essentially loses himself in his own fairy tale only it’s a nightmare painted in soft colors and Leah asking him to choose is basically his own psyche saying to him “do you wanna live here in this fantasy land and numb your pain or do you want to relive the awful reality of Rick being lost and Carol slowly fading from your life day by day?” And at first he’s like, you can’t make me make that choice because Daryl doesn’t want to give up hope, no matter how futile it seems. But then Carol makes what she tells him might be her final visit for a while and anger leads Daryl right back to that fucking cabin and oblivion. Back to the solitude of his tortured thoughts.

That note, lovelies. It felt like by choosing Leah he was choosing a lifetime of being alone more than it did him choosing the hope of a new love. That “find me” for all the world felt like he was willing hope to find him again. Hope in the form of love in the form of Carol.

Listen. I never said this would make sense, lol.

When Daryl gets back to that cabin, Leah is gone. Her picture is gone.

Truly it felt like she’d never been there.

Even more so when you consider how run down the cabin looks in present day when Daryl and Carol seek shelter in it.

I can’t help it. Some small part of me? Well, it thinks that Daryl told Carol about Leah (whether she existed or not) as a way to both make her feel better than he wasn’t out there in those woods completely alone and to maybe move the needle a little bit on the nature of their own relationship. Both in the past and present day.

And while he and Carol are struggling through the ever-shifting nature of their feelings for each other, Daryl has climbed out of his own darkness and found hope again in Judith and RJ. In the family he’s embraced again. In the communities. And he’s angry and unsettled because he wants the same for Carol but she doesn’t seem to want that for herself.

He still wants her to find hope.

He still wants her to find him.

He still wants her to find love and peace.

Help me, lovelies. These two have broken me, lol. I promise. I’m stone cold sober. A little, okay a lot, tired.

Wouldn’t it be wild, though? If Leah really wasn’t what she seemed? If she were a figment of a broken, lonely man’s tortured imagination?

Undeniably sad AF but wild all the same.

#The Walking Dead #Shae's thinky thoughts #Caryl speculation #Caryl #Carol x Daryl #Carol Peletier #Daryl Dixon #things that make me smile and cry #and giggle and giggle #for reasons

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detectivesofty · 4 years ago

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ex’s and oh’s | j.h.

Summary: your ex and your partner, whom you have feelings for, walk into an interrogation room. Sounds like the beginning of a bad joke right?

Pairing: Jay Halstead x Partner!Reader

Song I listened to while writing: Spirits by The Strumbellas also a rewatch of Season 4 of Chicago P.D.

Author’s Note: sorry for the delay, I was watching a movie with my dad and forgot the time! This has literally everything. Romance, action, excitement. READ IT! PS: The part with the interrogation might confuse you a bit, be sure to read it carefully to know who’s talking to whom!

Warnings: mentions of alcoho, child abduction, death and guns

Word Count: 3,229 words

“You’re late.”

“Don’t I know it, Sarge.”

Normally you exchanged more than a few words with Sergeant Platt when you came to the district in the morning, but this morning you were late. This week you caught a case of abducted kindergarten kids and it’s been especially hard on you. Unsurprisingly, Jay knew about it, even though you’ve adamantly insisted that nothing was wrong, and came over with a bottle of wine.

“They’re already questioning the witness upstairs, giggles.”

You threw a thumbs up in her direction before placing your palm on the scanner, waiting for the buzz of the door impatiently, immediately pulling the door open when it did buzz. Hurrying up the stairs, you threw a collective ‘morning, hey’ into the bullpen and knocked on Kim’s desk as a form of greeting while you walked by, finally reaching your own desk, across from Jay’s, which was conspicuously empty.

His empty seat already had your head gears turning and you glanced at Kim, who was already looking at you quizzically. It took her only a few seconds to interpret your face.

“He’s questioning the witness. In the interrogation room,” Kim said, making you jump up and lock your gun into the locker.

“Y/N, wait-”

But you already disappeared around the corner into the observation room, where Voight was standing with his arms crossed. You made two steps into the room when you stilled, your eyes stuck on what was happening in the other room.

“So you’re telling me that you were right across the street while 15 kids were being abducted and the only thing you saw was a white van?”

“Man, I don’t know what to tell you. It’s not like I knew what was going on.”

“A bunch of kids being herded into a white van didn’t appear suspicious to you?”

“What the hell is Jay doing in there with my ex?” You sputtered and Voight only blinked at you.

“Don’t tell me he’s the witness.”

“He’s actually the only one we’ve got,” Voight replied and you scoffed, leaning your hand against the glass.

“Why the hell are you so riled up? Do you think I had something to do with it?”

“I don’t know, did you?”

“The jerk’s right though, why is Jay being so antagonizing?”

“Why do you think?” Voight said dryly and you pressed your lips together, shaking your head slightly when you thought about what had happened last night.

“I told you I am fine,” you said with a sigh, but still opening the door wide enough so Jay could come in.

“And I told you that you need to stop lying to me for two reasons,” Jay answered, leaning against the wall. “One, I am literally a detective. And two, I am your partner. You can’t lie to me.”

Rolling your eyes playfully, you pushed the door shut and walked to the living room with Jay hot on your heels. While you took a place on the couch, Jay wandered into your kitchen to grab two wine glasses. It was weird how he felt much he felt at home at your apartment. Handing him a corkscrew, Jay quickly opened the wine bottle and poured two glasses, offering you one.

“So. Talk to me.”

With a long sigh, you accepted the wine glass and swirled the wine in the glass, before taking a sip. You weren’t good at talking about feelings. You were good at making jokes, telling stories, nagging other people. But you rarely got raw and honest about what you felt. Jay was the same. The two of you never openly talked about your feelings for each other. You knew he loved you, but did he love you the way you loved him?

“They’re just kids, Jay. Innocent children in a kindergarten. Why would anyone abduct them? And what are they planning on doing with them? Who does something like this?” You threw the questions into the room, not expecting an answer. “I really love my job. I know we’re helping a lot of people, but this?”

You let out a sharp exhale and Jay gently pried the wine glass out of your hand, putting glasses on the coffee table. Without anything to hold, your shaky hands dropped into your lap before Jay clasped your hands in his, effectively stopping the shaking.

“Hey. Hey, look at me,” he said softly and you lifted your eyes to meet his. “I know this job is tough, but you can’t keep focusing on the bad stuff. How many times have you told me that? So now it’s your turn to believe, hm?”

Pressing your lips together, you nodded and gave him a small smile. “Yeah, I guess you’re right.”

Jay gave you a look and raised an eyebrow. “Hey, I’m always right.”

You snorted with a roll of your eyes and then gave him a push so he’d fall back on the couch, but he quickly grabbed your wrists, so you fell with him.

“You dimwit!” You exclaimed in between laughs, leaning your arms on his chest.

“You pushed me first!”

It was then that you realized how close you were. You swallowed thickly and tried to focus your eyes on anything but his mouth, like all the freckles dusted across his face, his beautiful green eyes and eventually, your eyes still ended up on his lips. It looked like he was looking at yours and your tongue reflexively darted out to wet your lips.

The tension was so thick, you almost felt it all around you and at this moment, you thought to yourself: this is it. Maybe this is where Jay would reveal his true feelings for you.

But your hopes were too high.

Jay quickly averted his eyes and cleared his throat, before he gently rolled over, lying next to you. There was a brief silence and then Jay clapped into his hands, as if he’d wanted to clear the air.

“You down for some pizza?”

“Yeah… Sure.”

The night passed relatively normal after that, but that one moment still lingered in both of your minds, especially in yours. Maybe he didn’t see you as more than a partner and friend. And now you have to watch Jay drilling your ex, out of all people in Chicago? God really liked to torture you.

“How about you stop dicking around and tell me what happened before I arrest you for obstruction of justice?”

“Obstruction of-” Your ex jeered and then paused, furrowing his brows. “Wait a minute. You’re Y/N’s partner, aren’t you?”

You wished you could see Jay’s face instead of his back.

“That’s Detective Y/L/N to you,” Jay said, his voice dropping lower.

“Alright, that’s it, I am pulling him out. Burgess, you and me,” Voight said and headed out of the room. You hadn’t even noticed Kim in the doorway, and she just gave you a sympathetic look before she followed Voight into the interrogation room.

“Halstead, take a break now,” Voight ordered as he opened the door. Jay threw his hands up in the air in exasperation.

“Sarge, I-”

“I said now!”

“Yeah, Halstead, take a break,” your ex taunted and Jay slapped the table, making him flinch when he pointed a finger at him.

“Do not test me, you jagoff.”

With that, Jay pushed his chair back and Kim and Voight sat down across from him. Your ex, quickly having regained his composure, grinned at the two of them.

“Thanks for saving me, Halstead’s a real hothead, huh?”

“Shut your mouth.”

You stopped paying attention to the interrogation when you saw Jay walk past the open door, freezing when he saw you.

“Y/N? How long have you been here?”

Shaking your head with a scoff, you exited the room, shouldering past him.

“Y/N, wait, I can explain!”

You didn’t. Ignoring everyone’s eyes, you walked straight to the break room and you were about zero percent surprised when Jay followed you in there, shutting the door behind him. Still, you ignored his presence and grabbed a mug to pour yourself a coffee.

“Earth to Y/N, I am talking to you,” Jay exclaimed and laid a hand on your shoulder, turning you to face him.

“I am trying to drink my coffee here, Halstead.”

Jay sighed and gave you a look. “Really? You’ve resorted to calling me by my last name now?”

“What do you want, Jay?” You asked, putting an unnecessary emphasis on his name just to bug him.

“Oh my god,” Jay muttered, massaging his temples before he turned his attention back to you. “Listen. I know I shouldn’t have been so aggressive but he’s such a dick, I couldn’t help myself.”

“You always thought that he was a dick and tried to be civil to him. But you treated him like a hostile suspect in there, even though he’s the only witness in this fucking case. What the hell is wrong with you?”

Jay rubbed his chin ruefully and shrugged with his shoulders. “I just lost my cool, okay. I wasn’t actively trying to destroy this case.”

“You never lose your cool unless it’s something personal.”

“Well, this was personal. You’re my partner. He treated you like shit, ergo personal.”

He was making excuses up and both of you knew it.

“That was a year ago, I am fine. I don’t need you to fight for my honor.”

“Cheating on your girlfriend doesn’t have a statute of limitation and-”

“What the hell Jay!” You suddenly exploded, startling him. “Stop saying stupid shit and just be honest with me. This is bullshit! Last night you came over all like ‘I am your partner, you can’t lie to me’ shit and now you have the audacity to lie to me when it’s literally about me?”

Jay heaved out a breath and ran a hand through his hair. “Okay, fine. You’re right, I am sorry, I shouldn’t lie to you… I just don’t know how to tell you this.” He paced back and forth, while you looked at him expectantly, soon he turned back to you.

“I-” Jay began, but broke off again, cursing before he cupped your face and kissed you.

Even though you were still mad at him, you could feel your resolve slowly melting away as he kissed you and while you were shocked for a split-second, you kissed him back the moment you had realized what was happening. You weren’t sure how long you’ve been kissing when Jay slowly pulled away, leaning his forehead against yours.

“I’m sorry, this is probably the least appropriate place to do this, but I figured if I can’t find the words, I’ll act instead,” he mumbled softly and you nodded, not finding any words. Your head was whirring, trying to form a sentence, but before anything could come out of your mouth, someone knocked on the door and the two of you sprang apart.

“Hey, I hate to interrupt you guys,” Adam said, leaning in the doorway, “but Antonio tracked the white van your SOB ex described and it’s parked outside a warehouse in Oakly Boulevard. We gotta go right now.”

You and Jay looked at each other, faces incredibly serious. You knew this had to wait right now.

“We’ll talk later,” you promised him and he gave a curt nod, before the two of you followed Adam to save some lives.

“Everyone in position?”

It was a couple hours later and your team was sitting outside the warehouse where the kids were held. The weather was gloomy, and even though it was only a few minutes past four pm, the sun has already set, engulfing the warehouse in darkness.

“Burgess and I are on the roof boss, we’re ready.”

“We’re good, Kev is ready to take down the door.”

Jay glanced at you, hands on his radio. “You good?” You swiftly broke the lock and gave him a thumbs up, before he gave his confirmation through the radio to Voight, who was running point outside of the building.

“Okay. Remember, quiet and stealthy. Right now we count all fifteen kids and 4 offenders inside and 3 outside standing watch. We do not want to tip them off, who knows what they might do. The most important thing is to get the kids home to their families alive, you hear me?”

Everyone voiced their understanding.

“Good. Go.”

“We’re in,” you spoke quietly into the radio, silently moving through the dark warehouse. It took a few seconds for your eyes to adjust to the darkness but you could hear people talking from a room where light was coming from.

“We got the pricks outside,” Adam said.

“We’re through the west entrance, hostages seem to be kept in the break room, two offenders with them and three are walking the warehouse, keep your eyes open,” You heard Kim’s voice crackling through your earpiece and you stilled when you saw a flashlight bouncing off the walls.

Turning back to Jay, you pointed two fingers in that direction and he nodded before he disappeared into the dark. You quickly walked towards the flashlight and a few seconds later you could hear a grunt and a body hitting the floor.

“One suspect down,” you informed the team. “We’re getting closer to the breakroom, I can hear two of them arguing.”

There were two doors leading into the room and you glanced at Jay.

“You go in, I’ll distract them,” he whispered and the two of you split up, quietly moving toward the open door. Through the crack, you saw two men, standing in front of the children, waving guns around. The children looked scared, but otherwise okay. You felt a bit relieved, though you knew that this was not over yet.

“I told you,” one of them said, getting in the face of the other man, “We’re waiting for the parents to contact us, we left them a message-” A clatter outside the room made him pause and he quickly looked around, alarmed. “Someone’s here. Go check if where the others are.”

His partner rushed through the door and the shot caller aimed the gun at the kids. “If you even think about running, I will kill all of you,” he threatened and as you moved in, you pointed your gun at his head.

“I don’t think so, jackass. Hands up and put the gun on the floor, now.” You could hear the offender cursing under his breath before he carefully dropped the gun to the floor. Kicking the gun away, you moved closer until the nuzzle of your gun was pressed against the back of his head.

“Get on your knees.”

You were surprised that he was so compliant and threw some handcuffs on. Then, you slowly put your gun back in the holster, turning to the kids.

“Hey, hi kids. It’s okay, I am a detective, you’re safe now okay?” You told the kids with an assuring smile, checking them over. “Is everyone alright? Anyone hurt?” The kids shook their heads and you sighed in relief.

“I got the kids, waiting for confirmation until all offenders are down. Jay, what’s your-”

“Watch out!” the kids cried and you felt a gun against the back of your head.

Fuck.

“Turn around and do not reach for your gun,” the man said and as you turned around, you realized it was the man from before. He looked nervous and drops of sweat were running down his temples.

“Kids, get behind me,” you said in a calm voice, not wanting to scare them.

“Wyatt, what do you want me to do with her?” he asked and Wyatt grunted, his face contorted in anger.

“Just kill her and get me out of these cuffs Zac, we’re about to be swarmed with police.”

You saw the hesitation in Zac’s eyes. “Hey, Zac.”

Zac turned his eyes on you and you held your hands higher. “Zac, right?” He nodded, his eyes flitting over to Wyatt when he screamed out.

“Don’t listen to her! Get me out of these cuffs!”

“Zac, ignore him and listen to me, okay?” Out of the corner of your eye, you saw Jay inching closer, his gun aimed at Zac. You shook your head ever so slightly and Jay nodded, keeping his aim, but not pulling the trigger just yet.

“I know you don’t want to do this. You can still get out of here, it does not have to end like this. Look at all these kids. They’re innocent. Whatever you want to achieve, I promise there’s another way, okay?”

You could see that Zac was really listening to you, as he slowly lowered his gun, but Wyatt kept screaming at him.

“HEY! If I go to prison because of you I will fucking kill you!”

Zac balled his hands into fists and as the desperation clouded over his face, you knew this was a lost cause. He straightened his arm, his gun on you.

“I am sorry,” he pressed out.

“NO!”

A shot rang through the room and blood splattered all over your face, the kids screaming out. You exhaled deeply and blinked slowly, watching Zac fall over limply. You were so close to saving him.

“Hey, Y/N you alright?” Jay asked, rushing over to you and you nodded, holding onto his bicep for support while he patted you down. Wyatt was still kneeling on the floor, cursing loudly, not even bothered by the fact that his partner just died in front of him.

“I am fine. Let’s get the kids out of here,” you told him and he nodded, herding all the kids together to lead them outside.

Several ambos were already waiting outside to check on the kids as the offenders were being taken away. You watched with a small smile as a handful of cars pulled up, and parents started piling out, calling for their kids.

A hand laid on your shoulder and when you turned, Voight was giving you one of his rare smiles. “Good job, Y/N. Do you need a medic?”

“It’s not my blood,” You said, wiping your sleeve over your face. “Thanks Sarge.”

Voight clapped your back affectionately and then walked off to take care of the offenders, while you looked around, finally catching Jay’s eyes across the street. He tilted his head to the side and you gave a tired nod, picking up your feet to where Jay’s GMC was parked.

He was waiting by the driver’s door, but instead of getting in the passenger’s side, you walked up straight to him, laying your head on his chest. Jay wrapped his arms around you, pulling you close.

“Today was good, huh?”

“Mhm,” you hummed, not wanting to pull away just yet. “Can’t believe it started with you yelling at my ex.”

Jay breathed out a laugh before he pulled away, holding you at an arm's length. “Listen, about that-”

You effectively cut him off by placing your lips on his, kissing him gently. Immediately he kissed you back and cupped your cheek with his hand, holding you as if you were delicate. You pulled away after a few seconds and smiled up at him.

“I think I got it,” you told him quietly and he beamed at you, tucking your hair back.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.“

You knew that you’d have to have this conversation eventually, probably later that day. But for now, this was enough.

Taglist: @toomuchtv95�� // @miranda0102 // @annaallicce // @galacticsmoon

#ex's and oh's #jay halstead #jay halstead fanfiction #jay halstead fanfic #jay halstead fic #jay halstead imagine #jay halstead imagines #chicago pd #one chicago

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lover-of-trash-and-people · 4 years ago

Text

shadow and bone rewatch s1e6 while drinking mid-range scotch

I wish I have a face that is as unlined and pretty as Ben Barnes' when I'm 39

Arken you dirty dirty liar

the face Alek is making at his lies that he knows are lies firstly because he knows the art of lying so well and also because he can read people very well

okay Ivan is kind of a bad bitch with his smirk at Arken's lies

alek's eyes narrowing and his little smile when Arken says 'im an entertainer' bitch I love this show

*grabs hand, pulls up sleeve, and discovers Arken's hand is full of marks indicating successful passages through the fold* 'well, that is certainly entertaining' I love this man with all my heart

him screaming is so fucking hot, is that weird for me to say

Nina being the Darkling's spy is quite interesting

Ben giving the Darkling crazy eyes when Arken owns up to his guilt is so cool

also wtf is Arken a fool trying to negotiate with possibly the strongest man in the world

kind of loved the darkness literally eating him

also love Alina learning to use her powers better when she is alone than when she is with anyone else, wish we got to see the cut in this season as per the books, ah can't have everything I guess

the camera pan to Jesper's gun at his side, amazing

god Jessie is literally so beautiful I need to see her bring Alina to the peak of her power so bad

netflix you better renew this series to let the plot run to its completion

HOW THE FUCK DID THEY CAST THE CROWS SO PERFECTLY

INEJ FUCKING TREMBLING JUST THE TINIEST BIT AS SHE BOWS SLIGHTLY TO ALINA SGSHSBSJJSJSSJ MY TWO QUEENS

'And where is my Summoner?' my little Darklina heart ouchie I really wish you hadn't used and manipulated her like this Alek it was incredibly fucked up especially considering you actually caught feelings

'Ivan and I won't fail you' oh Fedyor my baby, my angel, you don't deserve what is coming

Helnik literally recreating Titanic lmao stop this is a joke

I too would jump off the raft if I came to consciousness to see a gorgeous woman with magical powers with her hand on my back

omg but why is ryevost so pretty though

'I know exactly how she felt. The King's soldiers treated me the same way... I'm not myself today.' why must you do this to me, why must you fuel my darklina soulmates agenda idiocy

I don't quite think I have a problem with the Zoya Darkling relationship as much as I have a problem with the line they chose to reveal it to use with.

my drink's over and I don't know if I should have another, considering that it's 7 am

the tenderness with which he looks at Zoya and takes her hand and then when he says 'I shall relax when I have Alina' makes me believe more that the man that is reduced to tears time and again in front of Alina could in fact be the master manipulator I know him to be

god I can't wait for Zoya's character arc

'I speak six languages, it's part of my job' why is Nina literally the fucking coolest

Alina blinding the oprichniki was so hot, I can't wait to see more of her power and her ruthlessness

I know I've said it before but good god is Jessie Mei Li gorgeous

HER LITTLE SMILE AMONGST ALL THE PANIC AS SOON AS SHE SEES MAL, THE AUDACITY OF THIS SHOW TO MAKE ME FEEL THIS WAY

THE SCORE COMING IN AT THE RIGHT MOMENT, THEIR HANDS MEETING, HER SMILE AGAIN DHDHSBSNSNSNSNAN IM IN PAIN

REALLY?! YOU'RE GONNA GO DIRECTLY FROM MALINA TO HELNIK WITH NO CONCERN FOR MY HEART?

I simply cannot get over Calahan's accent lmao it's really funny

'im not afraid of you' he says to the insanely gorgeous girl with magic

HIM HANGING HIS HEAD IN DEFEAT TO INDICATE NINA HAS MADE VALID POINTS YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND I CAN'T BREATHE

'You're just a man. Like all the others.' she says and then forgets her train of thought looking at him as he strips. god I love this

not sleeping all night and then scotch is not a good idea, I think

'I promise not to ravish you' 'I hate the way you talk' her hand on his chest, his hand gripping hers, my fucking heart feels like it's about to explode

good god these shooting locations and sets are so beautiful

Alina throwing the flask at Mal and Mal going 'OI!' I fucking can't, I guess I am a

simp for childhood friends to lovers, give me more of that banter and childhood friend energy, I am thriving

wow it literally seems like they took book! Mal sl*tshaming book! Alina and made show! Alina sl*tshame show! Mal, hmm, interesting

'They would have split us up!' MAL'S LITTLE SMILE AT THIS, and the 'You wrote me letters?' Mal's nod, the Malina yearning stare, the Malina hug, 'thank you for finding me' 'always. I'll always find you.' NO MALINA YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND YOU HAVE MADE ME ABSOLUTELY FUCKING FERAL

I understand they had to split time between my ravkan babies and the crows and that is why there were several aspects that were sort of not reflected on enough but Alina's training at the Little Palace, Alina's cut, Mal's personality, a teensy bit of backstory for the crows, maybe one lockpicking scene from my boy Kaz

random note: we have far too many idols and paintings and pictures and whatnot of Hindu deities in our house apart from the specially designed temple (we are Hindus, so maybe it's not that weird but it's a little weird)

Kaz's cane is a literal star, it's so beautiful my heart wants to explode

'Why would Heleen get the Crow Club?' *literally fucking gets up and walks aways instead of answering the fucking question* I LITERALLY CAN'T BREATHE I'M LOSING MY MIND

'I know that voice' WHO GAVE YOU THE RIGHT TO MAKE ME FIGHT FOR PLATONIC SHIPS IN FANDOMS

'We won't starve' omg get you someone who packs food for you when you go on the run together hiding from your ex who wants to capture you and use your powers as a weapon against your consent

Mal looking surprised at her summoning sunlight, Alina looking cautiously at him waiting for him to disapprove or run for the hills in fear or smth like that, 'I'm sorry it took me this long to see you... But I see you now' my dumb little shipper trash heart ouch

they really said we're gonna feed you this part asian couple as the protagonists in this show in 2021 and guess what I'm eating it's really tasty I'm very satisfied as a south asian

NINA'S LITTLE SMILE WHEN MATTHIAS WAKES UP WITH HIS ARM AROUND HER

'I can feel how much you hate sleeping next to me' 👀👀👀 BITCH SAID IMMA SPILL THE TEA AND THEN SHE DID

it's 8 am and guess what I'm getting another drink my parents have c*vid and are in govt qu*r*ntine centres there is nobody to supervise or stop me

I too say 'Why do you have to say things like that?' to my pretty crush when she flirts with me

Nina smiling at Matthias bragging about his conservative ways is my aesthetic

'No, it's not natural for someone to be as stupid as he is tall and yet, oh, there you stand.' MY FUCKING QUEEN

Matthias laughing uncontrollably at Nina saying something which isn't even that funny is a whole ass vibe

Kaz Brekker saying 'The Black General' ooh fuck yeah

YESSSS STEP OUT OF THAT CARRIAGE ALL SEXY BLACK GENERAL

isn't alcohol supposed to like kill germs? well, the amount in my system definitely will

I love my crows so much (always but this time particularly for setting that alarm in the stolen carriage)

ooh Polina recognising Inej by the knife yesss let's go writers

this Ivan Jesper showdown is all I needed from life and yet did not know about

Ivan taking off his cloak was, um, sexier than I wanted it to be

I just realised how thirsty I am going to sound in this post

'Has no one told you that keftas are Fabrikator-made and resistant to bullets, hmm?' 'Oh, I do love a challenge' LITERALLY EVERYTHING

im sorry to be pointing out flaws in a perfect show and adaptation but the line delivery on 'You robbed me of my brother, now I'll rob you of your life' from Polina was kind of weak

'You're a-' *gets knocked out with the back of a gun* LMAO we love the hints

got excited at the prospect of kaz v. zoya until I realised they will not be letting the opportunity of kaz v. darkling pass up

my goodness is Amita Suman a splendid actress

I AM NOT KIDDING WHEN I TELL YOU I SQUEALED WHEN I SAW DARKLES EMERGE OUT OF THE SHADOWS IN FRONT OF MY BABY BOY KAZ

THERE BEING ACTUAL FEAR OR ATLEAST DOUBT ON KAZ'S FACE, THE LITTLE BACK STEPS AS

THE DARKLING WALKS TOWARDS HIM, AAAAH I CAN'T

THE DARKLING STOPPING AT KAZ SAYING 'SHE FLED ON HER OWN' AND THE HINT OF TEARS THAT WE SEE IN HIS EYES

'IT WAS PRETTY CLEAR SHE WASN'T INTERESTED IN BEING A CAPTIVE ANYMORE' YOU TELL HIM, KING

*ACTUAL FUCKING TEARS IN THE DARKLING'S EYES AS THE SHADOWS APPROACH*

NOT ME YOWLING LIKE A HYENA THAT THIS CHILD OUTSMARTED THE MOST POWERFUL MAN IN EXISTENCE WITH A FAKE MAGIC TRICK

'Are you sure you added enough cloves?' literally warranting a wide ass smile from my queen Alina making my entire fucking day

for some reason, no matter how much I push it from my mind, Ben Barnes dressed up as the Darkling, dancing to 'push it' keeps coming to mind, it's absolutely ridiculous

I got somehow distracted with interviews but good things came out of that as it gave my body the time for the booze to kick in

and I would just like to say that I love Leigh for all she has given me

Alina is so fucking compassionate, I have no much love for her. I can feel her guilt and her sorrow as Mal talks of Mikhail and Dubrov

don't particularly like how the stag plotline is woven in, could have been executed better

'You're afraid you might start to like me?' *flaps furs like a bird's wings in frustration*

'I DO like you' my fucking heart you idiots

the sexual tension is so palpable and the moment is so intimate I simply cannot

OMG SHE FUCKING FELL

that moment where you think he might let her fall despite having read the books and he doesn't and he tells her his name I- <3

YOU DARE TRANSITION FROM A HELNIK SCENE TO A KANEJ SCENE YOU REALLY HAVE NO MERCY FOR MY HEART HUH

people have talked about this endlessly but Freddie's little jaw tic after he says Inej because Inej is wounded and he can't physically bring himself to help her I fucking cannot

THE MUSIC PICKING UP AS KAZ LOOKS TO THE DARKLING'S CARRIAGE I CAN'T WITH THIS SHOW ANYMORE

and now for one of my favorite scenes in television and cinematic history, David Kostyk throwing a book at Jesper Fahey without even knowing who he is merely because he opens the door of his carriage and says hello to him before getting knocked out by Kaz Brekker while trying to run away

Immediately followed by another, the scene with David Kostyk raising his finger to put forward his point in front of the Darkling and the Darkling trying to let him know he doesn't have to before obliging is one of my favourite scenes in the world

also sir please stop being devastatingly attractive in your glorious appearance with your face and your black kefta and cloak because all that comes to mind is Ayesha Erotica's Emo Boy and I'm afraid that is terribly inappropriate.

'No, you look great.' *literally looks down from embarrassment or blushing* MALINA RIGHTS?

THE LOOK ON THE DARKLING'S FACE BEFORE HE SAYS 'NO ORDINARY TRACKER, NO ORDINARY GIRL' BITCH IM OUT OF BREATH

'ORPHANS OF KERAMZIN, REUNITED.' 'ADORABLE.' HE FUCKING SNEERED IRL I FUCKING CANNOT

GOD IT'S SO GOOD

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euphoniumpets · 4 years ago

Text

run boy run | five hargreeves x hargreeves! reader

Summary: After telling Vanya how you survived the apocalypse, and Five was frusterated that it didn’t go as he wanted, you follow him to find out who caused the apocalypse.

Authors note: Hi! I’m glad that many of you liked the first chapter of my series ‘wildest ones’. I have rewatched the entire season one and i’m still continuing watching season two! so, when the season one is over i will be writing season two. Besides, this chapter is a long one!

Italics - flashback + means that I can’t tag you.

Proluge - Chapter one - Chapter two

Tag List: @colors-for-the-world-please @the-passionate-freak @andycanbeemotional @f10pc

You watched Vanya as she tried to process everything for the past few minutes after when you, and five had told her that the apocalypse was coming in eight days. You understood her that she had a lot of questions while your husband didn’t thought it would go the way he had thought it. Five took a sip of the coffee that Vanya had made him as you sat down your cup on the table, watching her stumble upon her words.

‘‘What did you, uh, do? you know after finding the world ended?’‘ You leaned backward as you let Five carry on with the conversation.

‘‘We survived on the scraps, canned food, cockroaches, anything we could find, you know that rumor that Twinkies have an endless shelf? That’s total bullshit,’‘ He explained as he chuckled of the thought.

‘‘I can’t even imagine,’‘ Vanya replied as she leaned forward as you looked at her with a soft expression. ‘‘You do whatever it takes to survive,’‘ Five rolled his eyes before he shook his head. ‘’Or die, anyway, the three of us adapted, whatever the world threw at us, we found a way to overcome it,’’ Vanya frowned as she looked towards you and Five with curiosity.

‘‘Wait, I’m sorry-’‘

‘‘The three of you? I thought that it was only the two of you,’‘ Vanya questioned as you gave a look towards Five that Vanya couldn’t read. Five ignores the question.

‘‘You got any stronger?’‘ Five asked her as she nodded.

‘‘I have some Hennessy?’‘

‘‘Go fetch it, will you?’‘

Vanya hesitated before she went towards the kitchen and collect the cups that were sitting on the table. ‘’I bet that if Delores would see us know, she would be laughing,’’ Five replied as you chuckled. ‘’Oh, yeah, it would be hilarious besides, she would have also said, I told you so,’’

‘‘You know that Delores is always right, sometimes you should even listen to her, or me at least,’‘ You remarked as Five looked at you. ‘‘Belive it or not, I actually listen to you,’‘ He sent you the sarcastic smile that you knew too familiar with.

‘‘Yeah, for once,’‘ You let out a scoff as you crossed your arms. Five looked at you with a guilty expression as he remembered that day when you pleaded to go with him. He was thankful that you followed with him because he would actually loose his mind if he was alone for the past few years.

‘‘I’m sorry,’‘ You turned to him with a soft smile that he often adored.

‘‘I know,’‘ You replied as you placed your hand into his as you felt him squeeze that it would remind you that he was always here. Vanya came back to the living room as she handed him the drink.

‘‘You think I’m crazy, don’t you?’‘ He asked her.

‘‘No, it’s just-’‘ Vanya stammers before she sighed and continued. ‘‘It’s a lot to process right now-’‘

‘‘Exactly what don’t you understand?’‘ You could hear Five’s voice filled with frusteration in his voice. You squeezed his hand to calm him down. Vanya’s eyes drifted slowly towards your hands. You saw a look that you couldn’t recognize when you watched her gaze landed on your ring. It was the same look you noticed that she gave you when Allison noticed that the two of you were married.

‘‘Why didn’t you two time travel back?’‘

‘‘Geez, whish I’d thought of that!’‘ Five replied sarcastically. You shot him a look. ‘‘Five,’‘ You warned him as he sighed. ‘’Time travel is a crap shot, I went into the ice and never acorn-ed, you think I didn’t try everything to get back to my family?’’

‘‘How come that you two still look like kids?’‘ Vanya asked again after a silence.

‘‘I told you already, I must’ve gotten the equations wrong,’‘

‘‘I mean, dad always used to say that time travel could...’‘

‘‘Mess up with your mind well, maybe this was happening?’‘ Vanya replied as you watched five sigh. ‘‘This was a mistake, I thought that you would understand but, it’s clear to me that I have to do this by myself,’‘ He muttered before he chug down the drink. ‘‘Five!’‘ You said in disbelief.

You knew that Vanya was trying to understand everything but it seemed that Five was so impatient.

You followed Five towards the door before Vanya spoke up. ‘’Five please, I just go back, we haven’t seen the two of you in a very long time and I don’t want to loose you two again,’’ She told you.

‘‘It’s getting late, okay? I have lessons early, and I need to sleep, and I’m sure the two of you need the sleep,’‘ She replied before she fixed some cushions and blankets on the sofa. ‘‘We’ll talk about this in the morning, Okay?’‘ She asked you as you nodded. You watched her go inside her bedroom before Five speak up.

‘‘Let’s go,’‘ As you let out a sigh, you follow your husband out of the door.

16 years ago

‘‘Number eight!’‘ You heard your father scolds at you. Turning your gaze towards five, he gave you a sympahetic look. ‘‘Do it!’‘ He ordered as you widened your eyes. ‘‘No!’‘ You exclaimed as you looked with fear towards five.

‘‘Use your powers on number five,’‘ He informed as you looked at reginald. ‘‘But what if he gets hurt?’‘ You questioned him. ‘‘Ignore it, you need to focus,’‘

Turning your gaze towards five in front of you, you let out a sigh as the two of you connected your eyes. He gave you an smile to let know that it was okay.

Sighing, as your heart beating too fast, you closed your eyes before you opened them and focused. Nothing happened for a while before you heard a slight scream from five. You winced when you heard his pain and you immediatly stopped. You were glad that you stopped but however, reginald didn’t seem to happy.

You fell down on the hard ground as you landed on a thump, you heard the door closed shut as you ran towards the door with full panic mode. ‘’No! Dad, please! Somebody!’’ You screamed. As you kept still banging on the door helplessly, you suddenly knew that no one of your siblings were going to help you.

As you watched the white ceiling around you, you noticed a doctor approached five. You were there because Five had found a lead where the missing eye was coming from, and you hoped that it was the clue of who was ending the apocalypse. ‘’Uh, can I help you?’’ He asked you as Five looked at the ball. ‘’We need to know who this belongs to,’’ He answered as the doctor frowned.

‘‘Where did you guys get that?’‘

‘‘Why do you care?’‘ Five snapped as you rolled your eyes towards your husband patience.

‘‘We, uh, we found it on a playground, actually, it seemed that it might just have popped out from nowhere,’‘ You replied innocently as Five gave you a strange look. ‘’We want to return it to the rightful owner,’’

‘‘Oh...what a thoughtful young man and lady,’‘ The lady replied as you gave her a sarcastic smile. ‘‘Yeah, look up for the names will you?’‘ Five said as you could tell that he was annoyed.

‘‘Uh, I’m sorry but patient records are strictly confidential, that means that I can’t tell you-’‘

‘‘Yeah, we know what it means,’‘ Five replied angirly.

‘‘I’ll take the eye off your hands and return it to the owner, I’m sure he or she will be very grateful so, if I can just-’‘ He reached for the eye but five stopped hi,.

‘‘Yeah, you’re not touching this eye,’‘ He snapped.

‘‘Now, listen here young man-’‘ He began.

‘‘No, you listen to me asshole! We’ve come a long way for this through some shit your pea brain couldn’t even comprehend so, just give us the information we need, and we will be on our merry way!’‘ He snapped as you widened your eyes and placed your hand onto his shoulder. Five relaxed a little bit by your touch but he still kept his glare on the doctor.

‘‘And if you call me young man one more time, I’m gonna put your head through the damned wall,’‘ Five only glared harder.

‘‘Oh dear,’‘ The lady said behind the desk. ‘‘Call security,’‘ The lady agreed before Five teleported the two of you away.

‘‘Where were you two? I was worried sick,’‘ You heard Vanya speak as she walked inside the room. You were back at the umbrella academy inside five’s room. You could see five rolled his eyes as you gave him a stern look which, only made him roll his eyes, again.

‘‘Sorry we left without saying goodbye,’‘ You replied.

‘‘No, look, I’m the one who should be sorry, I was dissmissive, and - I guess I didn’t know how to process what you guys were saying, and I still can’t be, to be honest.

‘‘Maybe you were right being dissmisive,’‘ Five turns and scoffs but you grab him by his arm.

‘‘Maybe it wasn’t real after all, it felt real well, like you said, the old man did say time travel could contaminate the mind,’‘

‘‘Then maybe I’m not the right person for you to talk to, either of you,’‘

‘‘Look, I used to see someone, a therapist, I could give you guys her information,’‘ You sighed. Of course Vanya would think that the two of you were crazy.

‘‘Thanks but... We need some rest, It’s been a long time since either one of us had a good sleep,’‘ You responded with a smile. ‘‘Oh, Okay, it’s good to have my other sister back,’‘ She replied as you nodded. ‘‘Yeah, it’s good to see you too,’‘

You watched Vanya leave the room as the closed door opened as you heard Klaus’s voice. ‘’That’s so...’’ He began. ‘’Touching, at all that stuff about family, dad time, and sisters, and WOW!’’ Klaus walks over to five.

‘‘Would you shut up? She’ll hear you,’‘

‘‘Five,’‘ You warned him.

‘‘Yeah, Five,’‘ Klaus repeated as you rolled your eyes.

‘‘I’m moist,’‘ You snorted when you watched five glare at him.

‘‘Anyway, I thought that you would put on something more professional,’‘ You replied as you looked at him weirdly.

‘‘What? This is my nicest outfit,’‘ Klaus replied as he looked down.

‘‘Anyway, it doesn’t matter,’‘ You followed five out as Klaus followed the two of you.

‘‘Whatever, as long as I get paid,’‘

‘‘When the job is done,’‘ You reminded him.

‘‘Okay but, just to be clear on the finer details, I just gotta go into this place and pretend to be your dear old dad, correct?’‘ You turned towards Klaus.

‘‘Yeah, something like that,’‘ Five replied, shrugging.

‘‘What’s our cover story?’‘ You frowned. ‘‘We don’t need one,’‘ You told them as Klaus looked at you. ‘’Oh, we so does,’’

‘‘I mean, was really young when I had you? Like,16?Like, young and terribly misguided?’‘ Five rolled his eyes. ‘‘Sure,’‘

‘‘What about Mrs. Wife over here?’‘ He asked and pointed towards you. ‘‘You know, I think that I liked you better when you wanted Five’s attention,’‘

‘‘Believe me she still does,’‘ Five replied as you hit him on the chest. ‘‘Besides, we can’t wear our rings,’‘ He reminded you as you took out your ring and gave it to him. Five did the same before he had them inside his pocket.

‘‘But your mother, she’s a slut, whoever she was, we met at... the disco,’‘ Klaus kept rambling. ‘‘Okay remember that, oh my god, the sex was amazing,’‘

‘‘Okay, that’s enough for the cover up story,’‘ You replied as you grabbed five’s hand and the three of you started to walk away.

‘‘Like I said to your son and his girlfriend earlier, any information about the prosthetics we build is strictly confidential, without the clients consent, I can’t simply help you,’‘ The doctor said.

‘‘Well, we can’t give consent if you don’t give us a name,’‘

‘‘Well, that’ not my problem, sorry, now, there’s really nothing more I can do so-’‘

‘‘And what about my consent?’‘ Klaus spoke up. He gave him a blank look. ‘‘Excuse me?’‘

‘‘Who gave your permission...to lay your hands...on my son and his girlfriend?’‘ Klaus pointed towards Five and you. You looked towards Five with a questioning look as he did it same. We had no idea what Klaus was trying to do.

‘‘What?’‘ Five, you, and the doctor said in unison.

‘‘You heard me, ‘‘ Klaus argued.

‘‘I didn’t touch your son or his girlfriend,’‘

‘‘Oh, really? How did she get that bruise on her cheek and how did he get that swollen lip?’‘

‘‘He and she doesn’t -’‘

Before anyone could say anything, you felt a sharp pain on your cheek and a groan from Five as the two of you looked angry towards Klaus.

The door opened and your face was dried full with tears. You didn’t know how long you were inside that room. But you didn’t care because all you wanted to get out. You looked up as you saw Five standing in front of you as he could hear you sniffle.

It was almost like a punishment to use the most powerful power you had inside you. And Reginald wanted to develope that power inside you. But being a small child and didn’t understand why, you didn’t wanted to hurt anybody.

You had your hands around your legs as you hugged them. Five looked at you with a sad expression on his face as he crawled towards you as you felt his arms wrap around you.

#the umbrella academy x reader #five hargreeves x reader #Allison Hargreeves #diego hargreeves #klaus hargreeves #ben hargreeves #luther hargreeves #vanya hargreeves #Reginald Hargreeves #grace #pogo

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murderousginger · 4 years ago

Text

Written In The Streets

Peaky Blinders fic

Cops & Robbers Part 4

Warnings: Sex. Murder. Fluff. Angst. They're criminals guys, they do bad things.

Words: 3.8k

--Note: Happy Tuesday! I had a 3 day weekend and got excited during a rewatch of Peaky Blinders season 1. This is a little spicier and violent, but it very much is in the realm of the show. Enjoy!--

Tagging: @imagine-that-100 @blinder-secrets @rae-you-gotta-be-kidding-me @theshelbyclan @peakascum @sweatydragoncloudknight

It was midday and you were busy about the house when a knock came upon your door. You paused, listening hard before you moved toward it. You hadn't been expecting anyone. You paused at the door, staring hard at it before you finally unlocked it and opened it a crack.

"Come with me," Tommy said as he grabbed your hand and pulled you out of the sliver in your doorway.

"Tommy," you shrieked and fought back but his grip on your wrist was too strong. "at least let me lock the door."

He looked back at you and loosened his grip wordlessly. You turned and grabbed your purse from the hallway and locked the door, turning back to Tommy. He grabbed your hand again, this time with less strength, and led you to his car.

The ride was quiet and thoughts raced through your head. You stole a glance at Tommy, white knuckled and eyes locked on the road ahead of him. You had no way of knowing where he was taking you and you grew more worried the longer it was quiet. You itched to relieve the tension, but you feared it at the same time.

Tommy stopped the car at the side of a bridge over The Cut and got out of the car, rounding it to open your door. He held his hand out for you and you took it without hesitation, stepping out of the car and following him down a set of stairs to the canal. He stopped you a few steps from the bottom and sat you down, looking off at the water, his hand still holding yours. You watched him closely as he nodded out to the canal.

"This," Tommy said as he looked over the water, "is where I come to think sometimes. When it's quiet. When my mind won't be."

You sat quiet, watching his blue eyes scan the horizon. You looked out into the canal, surveying the waterway and the bend up ahead with fresh eyes to try to see what he saw.

"And this," Tommy rumbled, "here, here is how I found you and John."

Your head snapped up to look at him, Tommy's gaze squinting over the water. You ripped your hand from his as if he burnt you. He pointed to the bank a few hundred feet down and nodded.

"You came running into the water there," he said evenly. "Harping at John to turn his back as you threw off your dress."

Your cheeks burned in embarrassment. Your head dipped when Tommy finally turned his attention to you.

"Nothing to see in the 2 a.m. black," he said softly before returning his attention to the riverbank and the story. "John turned, I'm guessing. Perhaps not. Your clothes went off, and that's when I realized you were the one occupying our John's nights."

"Our John," you repeated with mirth. "Your John. Esme's John. Not mine."

"He's as much yours as ours," he said. "There's few things he'd choose above you. More he'd fight."

"But he would choose above me," you said.

"Can't have that, can you?" Tommy teased dryly. "Our (Y/N)'s greedy."

"Business before me," you said stiffly. "Blood before me. Not a woman."

"Not a woman," Tommy said. "And when the business keeps the man from your bed? And coppers or Italians pull you from your door because they think they can leverage you from who you're fucking?"

"That life I know," you said softly. "As long as he's honest."

"If you want to work in my organization, you have to make sacrifices," he said.

"All I've made is sacrifices," you retorted with a snort. "Who wants to date a Blinders girl, Tommy? There's always been rumors I'm either carrying a dick or being passed around by you lot. Any men that weren't deterred by that were sure as hell scared of you boys."

"Well," he said with an amused look, "could always have left Polly's rule for search for a husband, if that's what you're after."

"I'm not after a husband, Tommy," you shot back. "My mother detests me I have no close kin, no husband, no love. Blinders are my life."

Tommy reached for your hand again and slowly brushed his thumb along your knuckle.

"You're family, (Y/N)," Tommy said quietly.

"I'm not Shelby," you said. "You may be my boys but I don't belong."

"You'll always belong with us," Tommy said. "It's all about where you want to be."

"And where is it you want me to be, Tommy?" You asked softly.

Tommy let go of your hand with a pat and looked back out to the canal. All moments of softness hidden behind an air of business.

"I want to see what you're made of," he said. "I've paired you with John. Tomorrow you'll go with him to The Yard. Got a man named Wilks that works for us. Word is he's got loose lips on the whiskey. Find out who he told what to."

"You trust me with John?" You said with a raised brow.

"I trust that what's done might be done again," he said evenly. "But I trust he'll watch out for you more than anyone but me."

"Tommy--" you started.

"Go see him in the morning and do the job," Tommy cut you off. "To prove yourself."

"I've already proven myself," you argued. "Years ago."

"You proved yourself to Pol, not me," Tommy said cooly. "Pol's not running things anymore. And if you want to keep your place you'll need to keep up."

"Fine, Tommy," you said with a sigh as you turned back to the canal. "I'll show you my worth."

"I've no doubt you will," he said as he looked over the water.

----

The next morning you got ready in the twilight. You decided on a simple dress and boots and stuffed your pockets with a small knife each. You cursed yourself that you never got around to a gun, but you had never found a good way to conceal one and your shot needed work.

When you were done, you slipped out of your apartment and headed toward John's home. You moved quickly through the streets as the sun rose and the birds started to sing their morning songs. After a few blocks, you looked up to John's house and took a deep breath before knocking on the door.

A young girl opened the door and looked up at you expectantly. You nervously smiled.

"'lo," you said, rubbing your sweaty hands along the front of your dress, "is John -- erhm your dad home?"

The girl eyed you shortly before opening the door the rest of the way and walking back to a seat next to a baby in a chair. Nothing was said as she went back to feeding the baby.

"John," you called, hesitating in the doorway before you walked in. "Where are you?"

Kids were all over the kitchen. One of the girls was perched on a stool cooking on the stove, two boys were wrestling on the floor yelling, and of course the baby being fed by the girl that let you in. None of them paid you much mind as you walked through the kitchen and into the other room. You saw a closed door, guessing it was a bedroom.

"John" you yelled and kicked the door with your boot. It gave way much easier than you expected and swung open to reveal the sight before you.

Esme was on top of John, riding him like a prized racehorse. She barely stopped her rhythm as she wrapped the sheet around her more to hide her chest. John lay back grinning with his hands disappeared into the sheet. He laughed as she saw you in the doorway.

"Tommy finally get tired of interrupting us hisself?" Esme said in between breaths.

Your eyes widened as you realized what you were witnessing.

"Oh god--" you exclaimed and turned back around, walking back into the kitchen.

You sat down on the other side of the table from the kids and waited, mouth shut as you tried to look anywhere but the doorway you came from.

A sharp yell of passion erupted from the other room and you bit your lip nervously as you watched the girl at the stove.

"You staying for breakfast?" The girl said, eyeing you as she stirred. You smiled nervously.

"No thank you," you said quietly. "I'm just here to see your father."

Esme appeared in the doorway, still flushed but dressed in a navy flowy dress and shawl, and looked at you with an amused quirk of her lips.

"Here to see John, eh?" She said over the scuffle on the floor as she wrapped the shawl around her shoulders tighter and sat next to the girl feeding the baby.

"Boys, go wrestle elsewhere," Esme said sharply.

They both sounded a "yes mum" as they got off the floor and pushed and shoved each other into the other room.

"Yes," you said as the kitchen quieted. "Tommy sent me. I'm (Y/N). I'm s'pose to go with John to handle business at the dock."

"(Y/N)," Esme said as she looked at you. "His little friend from childhood? I've heard of you. Prettier than I expected, running with Shelby boys for so long."

You blushed and ducked your head with a murmur of thanks.

"You're not one I should worry about, are you?" She said, leaning back in her chair and placing a hand on the table in front of her.

"No," you said with a laugh. "I'm not anyone's second priority. And you and the children are rightfully first."

"Good," Esme said with a small smile. "I think I like you. It'd be a shame to kill you."

"Knives or guns your specialty?" You asked with a grin. "You should have seen this man the other night when I threatened to cut off his balls."

You both laughed, equally relaxing in your seats.

"Is that my favorite girls getting along?" John said as he entered the kitchen while putting on his belt.

John grinned at you as he put his arm around Esme, placing a kiss on her head.

"Mornings are best when started with sex or breakfast," he laughed as he kissed Esme on the lips before turning to you. "When it's both it's better."

He nabbed a biscuit off the table and bit into it and winked at you.

"Shame you've been keeping us apart, John," you said with a look. "Esme and I could have been giving you a run for ages."

"Likely drive me mad," he said with a laugh. "Both of you on whiskey together would be more trouble than it's worth."

"Promise?" Esme said grinning. "We must have a night then, (Y/N)."

You nodded as John rolled his eyes.

"Right, then," he said, ruffling his daughter's hair and giving Esme another kiss. "Let's be off before you can make more trouble in my kitchen."

You scoffed with a laugh as he shooed you to stand and pushed you out the door.

"Nice to meet you!" You called behind you.

"You can't hide her anymore, John," Esme yelled as you both left.

John guided you down to the car and opened the door for you. You smacked him as you climbed in.

"What was that for?" He exclaimed and pushed your shoulder before he closed your door and made his way into the driver's seat.

"I like her," you said. "And you're a dick."

John chuckled and drove to the dock.

----

John drove to The Yard and parked. You both got out of the car and made your way through the streets looking for the man named Wilks.

"John boy!" A voice boomed. You both looked over to see a gruff older man with a big smile headed your way with open arms.

"Uncle Charlie," John called back as he hugged the man.

"I see you've got angel with you," Charlie said with a grin.

You grinned back as Charlie let go of John to hug you.

"Charlie," you said, "still up to no good?"

You both chuckled and John looked on at you quizzically. Charlie's arm hung around your shoulders as he faced John.

"Angel?" John asked. "You two know each other?"

"Your aunt Pol used to send this one down with orders," Charlie said, squeezing you in a side hug. "She refused to tell me her name for ages. Shy thing, she was. I told her angels had no names. So we all called her angel at the docks. Sweet thing she is, too sweet to run with you boys."

John's brows raised in shock.

"Well aren't you full of surprises," he said as he grabbed a pick from his pocket and rolled it in his mouth. "You've got all kinds of names and secrets, it sounds like."

"And you're shortly learning them all," you grimaced. You turned your attention to Charlie. "We're looking for a man named Wilks, seen him?"

"Aye," Charlie said, watching you both closely before pointing. "He's down there by the dock."

"Right," John said. "We'll need to talk to him alone. Send the rest on break."

Charlie nodded and you all walked down, Charlie quietly sending the others away as he discreetly nodded to a pudgy man near the edge of the water. You both cornered the man, his eyes widened as he backed up and his heel teetered on the edge of the dock. You raised your hands to halt him.

"We're only here to talk," you reassured with a smile. "Heard you might have gotten a little drunk at a pub. Told someone something you shouldn't."

"I didn't mean to," he said looking between you and John's stone faced expression. "Was just a drink or two and then he asked me a question I found odd."

"Who?" You asked in a soothing voice, hands still up as you stepped forward. "Did you know the man?"

John watched you with sharp eyes as you got closer to Wilks as if walking to a scared horse. He chewed on his pick, letting you do the talking.

"I didn't know them," he said, scared. "Just a man asking what it was like to work at docks. If we had any openings. If we moved anything odd. Anything to note."

"And what did you tell them?" John said, taking a step forward but still a good length behind you. You were nearly next to the man as his eyes darted between you both and behind him as he looked for an exit.

"I told him we move the normal stuff," he said gruffly, "and sometimes we move what Shelby's ask. He perked up at the name. Said it must be exciting to work for criminals. Must see some crazy cargo. I shrugged. Just told him sometimes you have shipments. Anything from guns to medical rations. Told him a shipment went to Camden Town not too long ago."

"Shouldn't have done that, Wilks," John said darkly as he took another step forward. "We don't take kindly to business being passed around."

"I didn't do nothin'," Wilks protested. "I've got a wife and kids to feed."

"Should have thought of that before you went talking," John said.

Wilks grabbed your wrist and swung your body around, his calloused hand gripping your throat and the other around your waist. John cut the distance in a stride and stopped as Wilks lifted you by the throat, pressing your back to his chest.

"I don't want no trouble," he said, eyes darting for an exit. "Let me go home."

Your hands flew to your throat and your feet kicked as he lifted you higher. You could barely breathe in through his grip.

"Shouldn't have done that," John said with a glint in his eye. He pulled out his pistol and aimed it at him.

"Shouldn't have brought a girl for a man's job," Wilks growled in your ear as he squeezed your throat tighter.

John's eyes were dark as he tried to aim at the man behind you. His face cycled between fear and anger as you realized he wouldn't have a good shot with Wilks holding you so close.

You gritted your teeth and kicked again. You felt your heel connect with his shin and he squeezed your throat harder as he roared. You dropped a hand from your throat and elbowed his chest as you thrashed in his hands. You clumsily made way to your pockets and pulled out a knife as your eyesight started to blacken. John lowered his pistol as you pulled back and stabbed Wilks in the thigh, making the man drop you.

You stepped out of his reach and John raged forward with his fist cocked back. John's fist connected with Wilks’ face with a crack and the man fell to the ground. John continued pummeling the man as he writhed on the ground, your knife still in his thigh.

You touched your neck, feeling the bruising that was likely to occur. You breathed deep, feeling the oxygen rush through you as you tried to stay conscious. As oxygen came back you turned back to John beating the man and grabbed John's arm as he cocked it back to hit Wilk's face again.

As you grabbed his arm, he twisted in your grip and was about to punch you when he realized who you were and stopped himself. Wilks was beneath his feet in a bloody pile, his face almost indistinguishable. John's eyes met yours as you held his arm and looked at the blood that had spattered on his face and the wild look in his blue eyes.

"John," you said hoarsely. Your throat was scratchy from being choked.

His eyes softened and he pulled you to his chest.

"Don't fucking scare me like that, yeah?" He whispered into your hair as you clung to him.

"I'm fine," you said. "But we need him alive to ask, yeah?"

John let out a sigh as he deflated.

"Yeah," he said.

You pulled away and looked at his blue eyes worrying over you. You patted his arm and stepped out of his embrace to lean over the half conscious man under his feet.

"Wilks," you said with a low growl. "Who did you tell?"

Wilks cried out as John kicked his ribs, finally stepping to the side so he wasn't under his feet.

"I don't know," he said, screaming as you grabbed your knife from his thigh and pulled it out. "I didn't know the man. He had longer hair maybe? An odd accent. I'd never seen him before, I swear."

You scowled at him, wiping his blood off of your knife with his vest. You pressed the knife under his throat.

"Are you sure?" You growled.

"Sounds like it could have been an Italian," John said as he spit on the man. "Maybe a Jew."

"I don't know," he cried. "Please."

You pulled your knife away and hid it back into your pocket. You looked up at John as he glared down at Wilks.

"Your call, Shelby," you said, voice still hoarse.

"I'll kill him," he said, kicking the man again.

"No," you said.

John scowled down at you, his jaw ticked as he was about to talk.

"I'll do it," you said, sounding stronger than you felt. "This is meant to be my proofing water."

John started again to fight you, but you raised a hand while you fished your knife out. Wilks started to thrash beneath you and John stepped on his chest to hold him still. John's eyes looked conflicted as you pulled the knife out of your pocket again and ran a finger along the blade.

You had hurt men before, but you had never killed. Most of your experience was from self defense. Tommy wanted to prove yourself, so prove yourself you shall.

"You don't have to," John said defeated. "I'll tell Tommy you did it. You don't have to."

"No, John," you said solemnly. "I do. You aren't saving me from it. This is mine."

You turned to Wilks and cut his throat in a swift motion. Blood poured from his neck as the light left his eyes. You stood up and stepped back as John kicked Wilks into the water. You watched numbly, knife still at your side.

"Hey," John said as he turned around and rested his hand on your cheek. "Is'aright. Come here."

He pulled you into his chest and you teared up but fought the urge to cry. You gulped it down, feeling the pain in your neck again.

"John," you whispered.

He pulled back to look you in the eye, one hand on your cheek and the other on your waist.

"Let's get you back to your wife, yeah?" You said as you tried to feign a smile.

You rested your hand on his chest before gently pushing him away.

"Yeah, (Y/N)," John sighed. "Okay."

The ride back was quiet. You looked straight ahead as John drove, even though you could feel his eyes on you from time to time. When he offered to drive you home, you declined, telling him you'd rather walk from his home.

You hugged him goodbye when you arrived at his home, and breathed deep the smell of him. He always smelled of gunpowder and pine, and you breathed it in deeply to comfort yourself. You said your goodbyes despite his worried expression, and walked down the road in a daze. You weren't ready to go home just yet.

You stopped at a local bakery and bought a small piece of bread and walked to The Cut. You sat on Tommy's thinking place stairs and looked out over the canal, thinking. You sat for hours in a daze, eating bread and trying to process your thoughts. As twilight began to tease the sky, you snapped out of your thoughts. You needed to get home.

You walked to your apartment and at the last minute you were grabbed by your neighbor. Gail was an older neighbor that always treated you kindly. You often brought her teas when you found a new flavor she might like.

"Men came through asking where you were," Gail said in hushed tones. "They claimed to be coppers. They're in your apartment waiting for you now."

You thanked her and left quickly back into the streets. It was now dark and getting colder by the moment. There was only one place you could think to go, so you walked to Tommy's house. You snuck in to sit on his bed and waited for him to arrive home for the night.

#john shelby x reader #tommy shelby x reader #peaky blinders #peaky blinder fanfic #storytime with murderousginger #esme lee

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