#i told myself i will post my art more frequently

[zethdoesart]

don't say it don't say it don't say it

That's my WIFE!

Imogen pulverizes me with a lighting bolt

And a close-up of the son for good measure

[jovialturtleface]

Need to turn off most social media notifications because I keep getting some from Instagram about new stories posted and wonder if I should post something before forgetting it's an image based site and I kind of hate having to format a story unless it's to share sketches or screenshots.

[meruz]

Lightbox Expo 2023 is over!! Thank you to everyone who stopped by the table. I can't believe I sold out of both my sketchbooks AND my digimon fanbook... (multiple prints too?!)! I'm incredibly grateful... I will have a 2nd print run of both sketchbooks and online orders for the digimon book up in the next couple weeks so please keep an eye out for that!

More gushing abt the weekend under the cut

I sell at an average of idk... 3-4 events a year? So I would consider myself a frequent congoer though not necessarily full time lol. I'm a little jaded like it's not that I don't enjoy going to cons but theres definitely a bunch that feel like just-another-con-weekend to me lol, sometimes it's more work than play I guess. But this con felt really different! For the first time in a while I left a convention feeling really thrilled and giddy that I had been there. The kind of feeling I used to get when I would table at anime cons in highschool! And I think a lot of that is the people I met and talked to and the overall vibes at the event. Oh also I literally just had surgery and going to this con is like the only thing ive done this week besides lay in bed and play Story of Seasons on the nintendo switch and I thought I would be in pain and miserable but actually I HAD SO MUCH FUN...!!!! even when i skipped after-hours socializing every night to go home early and sleep 12 hours lol. SO ANYWAYS. YEAH. IT'S CORNY. BUT I wanna say thank you again to everyone who stopped by the table. Especially all the coworkers and long time mutuals who I met in person for the first time this weekend!! And the long time followers who told me they have been following me since homestuck or naruto or whenever. And college classmates who I haven't seen since graduation, crazy talented underclassmen who I'd never met but stopped by to say hi... So many people who absolutely made my day. SPECIAL thank you to my table partner Emi who is the best and such a good sport and accommodating to the point that I feel ridiculous when she thanks me for anything. And um also thank you to the artists who were cool and nice when I went up to their tables and blurted out 24917596 compliments in rapid succession. or only got one really awkward compliment out to LMAO... I felt so inspired and awe struck by everyone's work! God it was just so cool to be there. I LOVE ART....

Ok yeah thats it. its been a while since ive written a post-con blog post so earnestly lol.. here's my obscene haul photo I was buying stuff at this con like I was dying and couldn't take it with me LMAO.

I'm not gonna go tag everyone because I don't think everyones on tumblr but if you dont mind doing a little google search legwork: big x-men prints from chase conley, prints from jacki li/bguavas, azusa tojo, xanthe bouma, nicodaboy, susan yung, hormstuck, nessa tweneboah, linda liu, ash tahilan, zines also from jason dwyer, ash tahilan, aprilyn cunanan, veggiecakeface, deb lee, dune5and, uhh yoichi nishikawa art book and parakid calendar, stickers again from ash, marie lum, hormstuck, chiou, and emi hartana/crowlets OKAY I THINK I COVERED EVERYTHING THANKS FOR READING

[unnervinglyferal]

Saw a thing that made me think of you for some reason. Gonna paste the entire reddit post here rather than link it, because you need to read in real time for the funny:

"My (31M) wife (32F) and I are in a healthy and happy relationship. That said, we’ve been together since high school, so we both feel that we missed out a little by being each others’ only sexual experiences. We’ve talked about this at length and decided a few years ago that we’re ok with having a few hall passes in our relationship, since we very much intend to stay together the rest of our lives and don’t want any resentment over missed possibilites. Plus it’s pretty rare that we could even find such an opportunity, as it’s a little hard to find hookups when you’re in a committed marriage and don’t go out much. We even gave each other advance approval in case a situation arises, so long as we’re safe about it and tell each other immediately afterward. We’ve both used one HP, each with someone we knew well enough but would never see again, and no issues came out of it. In fact, it’s only made us more secure in our relationship and how much we genuinely appreciate being with each other.

Recently, I had to travel to London for work. I don’t normally get to travel for work, so I decided to make a trip out of it and spend a few extra days of my own time in the city after the project was done. My wife couldn’t join because she didn’t have any vacation time left but was very supportive of me taking some time to explore since I’ve never been to London and she has. Being cheap, and being a pretty outgoing guy when I’m so inclined, I decided to stay in a hostel. I was interested in meeting other travelers since I didn’t know anyone in the city and love being sociable with new people. I chatted with several of the people staying there, and in particular a very attractive French girl (mid-20’s) who dressed super goth.

For context, I love the goth girl look. I’ve been sucked into the goth gf propaganda online, much to the annoyance of my wife. It isn’t her style, but she has been nice enough to cater to me by putting on a sexy goth outfit on occasion, since she’s knows it’s a huge fantasy of mine. Still, I pester her constantly to be more goth because I enjoy it so much.

Anyway, I ended up spending a little bit of time with goth French baddie - we both went to the hostel’s happy hour event and hit it off there. I found out that she was recently single and was in London for an art show. It turned out we were both into emo music, and we talked about our favorite bands. I had the thought that she was acting a bit flirty towards me, but didn’t think too much of it, until I later found myself sharing a sink with her in the hostel bathroom.

The hostel was co-ed, so each floor had a small shared bathroom with a communal sink, and a door that was meant to be kept open but which people frequently closed for the sake of having more privacy than just a stall to shower in. So I’m brushing my teeth while chatting up the real-life version of Shadowheart (who, mind you, is wearing an extremely low cut top), when she suddenly closes the bathroom door behind us. In my mind, my wildest fantasy is about to come true. It’s even more exciting because of the adrenaline rush of being in a semi-public setting, and a girl being so into me that she would make such a bold move. I can’t believe this is actually happening to me. I instantly get hard. Then she turns around and asks “Are you interested in learning about our lord and savior Jesus Christ?”

She had me cornered for 10 minutes trying to talk me into salvation, while I grew increasingly despondent and immensely disappointed, with the whiplash of going from what could’ve been one of the crowning moments of my life, to pure and utter dejection.

When I told my wife this story, she laughed for a solid hour. She said it’s karma for annoying her about wanting a goth gf.

TL;DR life dream was to bang a hot goth girl. Thought I was getting the opportunity, but got cockblocked by Jesus Christ. god is real and he hates me."

The fucking mood whiplash. I was reading this nodding along like okay yeah I guess that could be us in like 10 or 15 years, who knows, neither me nor my girl are the jealous type or anything, and then it fucking struck. The christians have weaponized goth girls. Fucking lost it laughing, it's been a rough 24 hours, thank you.

[s1lv3rp4w3dc4t]

Currently there is no screen-reader friendly version of this post, it's still in the works. So so so sorry about that!! This post also may cause eyestrain and has gifs but no videos.

I'm so sorry, but I can't help you with donations right now. please reach out to someone who can. please stop tagging me. I cannot help.

SILVERS SUPER BIG 'OL POST

Hey, I'm Silver! You could call me Silv too

nicknames no one calls me (but I kinda wish they did):

- silverfish

Most Information Below!

All I talk about is objects.

About Me, Allegedly

I realized this post has existed for almost two (2) years now, but I've never told you (directly) about myself. My name is Silver! She/her only please. I've been playing the viola for probably 3+ years now, so I'd like to imagine I'm pretty good at it. I enjoy performing music as much as I do writing it! (a lot!) And I enjoy writing words too! I'm also learning french! I've only been learning it for around 6 (six) months now, but I enjoy practicing it and writing it frequently here. If you speak french, feel free to leave me a french message lol. It would be me very happy. (I love french)

Where's My Inbox?

Things I like!

Look at this post!! -> ⭐

Stuff I've made and/or contributed to!

☂️ <- Inanimate Insanity scrapped characters!!

(with some fun links!)

🏅 = most interested, ⬇️ = not as interested anymore

🔪<- Murder Drones!! [ ⬇️ ]

🚦<- Life Series!! [🏅]

🎪<- The Amazing Digital Circus!!

💎<- Steven Universe!!

🐈‍⬛<- Warrior Cats!! [ ⬇️ ]

🧨<- Object Shows!! [🏅]

-----> Inanimate Insanity!! [🏅]

-----> Hjfone!!

-----> Objectified!!

-----> BURNER!!

-----> tnm!!

-----> (thre)eee!!

-----> c2bc!!

-----> it's time for the!!

-----> Love of the s*n!!

-----> Showvember!!

-----> More I forgot!!

〽️<- The Stanley Parable!! [ ⬇️ ]

🌀<- Portal!!

🌃 <- Parkour Civilization!! [ ⬇️ ]

🌺 <- Mouthwashing!!

📗 <- Wicked!!

🌠<- The Illuminae Files (only just finished book 1!!)

dni if you are racist, homophobic, transphobic, ableist, proship. I think you know why, and I think you should know why I'll block you without hesitation.

please also don't talk to me if you post/reblog nsfw frequently. note that I'll also likely block you if this is the case.

I am not religious. I don't want to be religious. I really don't care if you are religious. you do your thing, I'll do mine. note that if you frequently post/reblog religious posts/religious chainmail, I may also block you or stop interacting. this is just for my comfort.

I like to block people, have you noticed?

🫀<- Big fun post!!

Post Links!

🌈 <- Silly queer flags!!

🌾 <- Tumblr fokelore!!

❕ ❕ ❕ ❕<- Important posts to donate to Gaza

My Other Accounts!

🎨 Art account! -> @s1lv3rs-d34r3st-4rt-bl0g

🛎️ II au account! -> @ii-songjects-au

📜 Writing account! -> @s1lv-wr1tes-th3-w0rld

🥇 Lore rp acc! -> @g0ldhandeddog

Tag(s) for said lore of above -> main

⛅ Gimmick blog! -> character-a-thing-behind-you

🍊 postcanon ii au! -> postcanon-ii-hazard-au

[mothbeasts]

hi. going to speak on something that's been bothering me for the past... however long, since it seems like complaint posts have been cropping up lately. putting this under the cut.

Maybe I'm reading too far into things. Maybe I'm wrong. But I feel like there is a massive difference in how this fandom treats the women versus the men.

Again. Maybe I'm wrong. I sincerely hope I'm just wrong. It's hard to think that, though, when I see the differences in how people treat the major antagonists of the series.

John Juniper is a fandom favorite. I feel like people have talked about him more than any other character I've seen, save for Agent Phoenix and perhaps the Handler. I see people come up with any reason for him to not actually be as bad of a person as we see in canon - despite the fact that he wants to launch nuclear weapons. He wants to kidnap and impersonate public figures. He's having a good time playing the villain. I've seen his actions excused in any number of ways.

Meanwhile... When people do talk about Solaris, it tends to be to remind people of very surface level information, rather than to do any sort of in depth analysis style posts. I see information that's incomplete or just not really true passed around a lot. The Fabricator is flattened down so incredibly often to just one character trait - her anger, typically exaggerated to be comical hatred of John Juniper in particular or just... Violence in general. And yes, she gets angry frequently, but I never see her given the same depth to that anger as John Juniper is given to his. And Prism? An antagonist that gets as much screen time as Juniper, if not more? I hardly see her mentioned at all these days. And even when she was talked about, I don't recall seeing many people analyze her character. Or talk about her motivations. Definitely not in the same way Juniper gets talked about, at the very least. All three of them are mischaracterized often, from my observations, flattened to pave the way for... John Juniper, mostly.

And that's not even getting into the background women who aren't talked about at all when compared to the men with similar story roles.

It's... Frustrating. I surround myself with people who enjoy the characters I do, who find it interesting to talk about the women in this game. I make the content I want to see. But the last time I said anything outside of those close circles, I was told to... Make the content I want to see. To engage with the content that's out there. And that frustrates me, too. Because I'm making it. I had been making it. I was actively working on Biomechatronic at the time. I was drawing, posting my art, and ever since I entered the fandom I've focused mainly on the women - The Fabricator, in particular. And I don't make art just for views or internet points or what have you, but it is discouraging to feel like the fandom doesn't care about what I have to offer.

Like whatever characters you want to like. I'm not trying to tell anyone to stop making the art or posts they enjoy making. But... I have noticed a trend, and it's one I find somewhat concerning. That's all.

[damnfandomproblems]

763989273416466432

You made a good point about memory here. A long time ago, I wanted to retake high school courses to bump my marks up for college. I started the courses and I noticed I just wasn't retaining what I learned day-to-day. I used Khan Academy and every tool under the sun, but it's like when I went to bed and woke up the next morning, almost everything I learned was wiped, so I had to redo and re learn practically everything, and because I was trying to not only re learn on the old stuff but also retain new stuff, I burned out and I couldn't do it, so I dropped out. I couldn't even take anything because most of the meds raised my BP. Sometimes I get the memory thing now, it's not frequent but back then, it was every day and it went for months. It didn't just affect my math and bio either, it affected any learning. I wouldn't subject myself to that if I want to learn art, or how to write a book, I'll just try something else. I guess technically if you put enough effort in, sometimes you can get a result you like, but I can't imagine putting in 10000 pounds of effort and getting 1 pound of a result, the tradeoff and stress and frustration isn't worth it to me. There are better ratios out there.

What I didn't like about the OOP ask beside the tone is, how it said I should be able to do something, even if it just took more effort. But there's a reason I was told not to push myself, I got too fatigued and I got burnout, and I learned that it was a real reason first hand. OOP's ask gave a condescending one-size-fits-all solution that was black and white and didn't have any nuance to it, which I didn't like. I didn't feel seen or recognized and I felt like they were ignoring nuance and just calling everyone failures of character. Apparently a lot of people felt that way. That's what I think people are upset about. That's what I'm upset about.

Posting as a response to a previous ask.

[drunkewok]

Tiger Inside Chapter Five

Stray Kids Mafia (Ongoing)

Masterlist

Likes, reblogs and feedback always greatly appreciated

WC: 3.6k

Pairing: Lee Know x reader

Genre: Series, Enemies to lovers, non-idol AU, Mafia AU

Synopsis: After years spent away from the family, two strangers start frequenting your place of work, only to bring daunting news. Flung back into the world of the mafia, you try to adapt to your new normal and work alongside a team of eight skilled members to uncover a mystery and take down an unknown enemy.

Warnings: 18+, Minors DNI, drinking, swearing, violence, weapons

Disclaimer: Any portrayal of Stray Kids or any other idols in this story is purely fiction and do not at all reflect their own personalities or how I view them as a person, it is purely for the sake of the story.

Please do not copy or repost my work

Mafia.

An organized body of criminals, known for having a complex and ruthless behavioral code.

The way of life was nothing new to me. I was raised by the code, living under my Father’s strict rule. Although raised among criminals, my childhood was far from unsavory. Father was a caring member towards his own family, but bent on ensuring all members were well versed in the art of self defense. Should the need ever arise, I shall not be caught with the inability to fight, gun in hand by the age 14.

By the age of 16, things started to look bleak, a looming threat hanging over the heads of the Choi family inching closer with each passing day. Jiho at age 22 was kept under strict eyes, spending more time away from home with Father on family business, close under his wing.

The distance from home proved difficult in terms of defense. By age 17, I stood by my Mother as we watched our home engulfed in flames. Father and Jiho returned by the next day, the four of us finding safety within my Grandfather’s home.

The attack on my Mother came next. Jiho had stayed home, Mother and Father leaving this time for negotiations. A long night followed with no word from the two of them before the sound of the front door finally opening with Father’s arrival.

Mother never returned.

He never told us what happened that day, taking a vow of silence on the matter. With that target my fate was sealed. I was sent away to Gangnam, taking on the identity of Siu and making a new life for myself. I spent the first years in solitude, too scared to leave the comfort of my own home. By age 21 my journeys out of the apartment were more often, before I found myself in a beaten down alley staring down a ‘HELP WANTED’ sign posted outside of an unassuming door. Upon entering I was greeted by a barkeep only a few years older than myself. Through a toothy smile he introduced himself as Seongho, a gentleman who quickly became my closet confidant. A peer in which I was desperately in need of. We found comfort within each other, both just trying to maneuver the drag of day to day life together.

Now I find myself sat in front of 7 men, the bitter truth of my past finally creeping up behind me and embracing me with an icy grip. Years spent learning to conform to the norms up in flames. Years spent running in the shadows all for naught. I crossed my legs as I sat firm, holding myself strong in front of those before me. I studied the four new faces with a flat stare, waiting for one of them to finally speak.

“You all don’t need to look like deer in headlights.” The group shuffled in their seats, clearly unsettled by my presence. “Care to introduce yourselves so I know who I’m now sharing a home with?” I watched as each began to introduce themselves in turns.

Seo Changbin was the first to speak up. Age 26 and hair similar to Minho’s chestnut. His brawny frame was emphasized by a white button up with sleeves rolled to three quarters, the buttons of which seemed like they were holding on for dear life. Specializations in combat being no surprise with his figure, in charge of anything relating to weaponry.

The next in line was smaller in frame than his former, but still hid strength in the arms. His hair was a deep black, and although shorter, styled similarly to that of Hyunjin’s with a crisp slick back with enough gel to hold an elephant down. He said his name was Han Jisung, a year younger than Changbin, with expertise landing him as a sniper with a deadly aim.

Kim Seungmin. Initially I was struggling to read him, a slight smirk adorning his face that seemed he was trying very little to hide. Sitting at the same age of Jisung at 25, he handled all things chemistry. Focus centered to that of poisons, and tending to the medical needs of the team. A field I’d be first to admit that I didn’t have a strong set of skills in, I’d have to take some lessons from him later on that.

A chipper one was next, his smile stretching cheek to cheek once reaching his turn, clearly now less tense as the introductions made their way down the line. Yang Jeongin fell in line with the previous two with his dark hair, each contrasting the painful bleaching the other’s must have endured. His initial unassuming presence and being the youngest making him the dark horse of the team, working alongside Changbin with specialties in close combat and all things espionage and infiltration.

My gaze fell upon the three I already had the pleasure of meeting under unfortunate circumstances. All silent through the current interactions.

“Now you three, I know your names, but what is there to expect from you?” Felix’s usual smile stretched across his face before speaking up.

Age 25 landed him in the youngest of the group as well, his skills within computer technology led him to handle anything technical. Any hacking needed by the group was tended to by Felix, skills commonly used in pairing with Jeongin when in need of infiltration.

“Oh speaking of which” Felix dug into the pocket of his pants, retrieving my phone from the depths and handing it over to me. “Was meaning to return this to you, just had to take some security precautions.” I turned the phone over in my hand, observing it. My confusion evident on my face on how he even came into possession of it in the first place. “Sorry, had to do some pickpocketing as I led you to bed last night, can’t say it was very difficult with you essentially already being asleep the moment you stepped foot within the door ” I let out a huff as I laid the phone in my lap, leaning forward with arms crossed over my knee as my gaze fell on Hyunjin.

Hyunjin sat back with arms crossed. Although his initial demeanor seemed similar to our previous night, his voice held a bit more comfort, closer to that of our days spent conversing at Blossom. Aged 26, his hand was best behind that of a sniper rifle. A keen eye for distance and grace with a finger on the trigger.

All that was left was that of the mighty, silent Minho. My chin sat in the hold of my fingers, staring him down with brows raised, a look daring of go on, impress me. He stared back with tongue in cheek and lips pursed before speaking. With a deep breath his eyes turned to his fingers, gently tapping on the armrest of his chair as he spoke. Sharing an age with me, he found himself by Chan’s side, being the main line of communications and negotiations. I could quickly tell why I was paired with him, his specialties being that with most categories in the group. He was a key player in the team, with the flexibility to fall in line with whatever assistance was needed.

I nodded my head with a soft hum, piecing together the team that was now presented before me. As expected, their skills were well balanced, supporting each other's needs and creating a cohesive flow within the group. I was curious where I would end up landing within them, and if I would find any of my own hidden expertise beyond the broad training I received when I was younger.

I had the pleasure of getting to know them all a little better that night. They were a lively bunch, energies definitely feeding off of each other with every joke and bout of laughter. If you had found the group in the corner of a bar one night, you would have never predicted them to be the Mafia, simply friendly and welcoming. I also got to experience Hyunjin and Felix in their full glory as well, finally seeing the two of them relax within the comfort of their own home and not tense under the tight suits and imaginary masks they had to adorn during their time at Blossom. Besides the uptight Minho, I could possibly see myself enjoying my time here with these boys. My own worries temporarily fading away for a couple hours before we all decided to try and get some rest.

I was tossing and turning all night with the inability to sleep. Exhaustion was not playing in my favor like the previous night, unfamiliar surroundings making any chance I had of relaxing nonexistent, the noise of the clock on my bedside table creating an agitating sound within the darkness with every tick.

My mind couldn’t stop from racing, the conversation with Jiho constantly replaying through my mind. Not only had I been pulled back into this world, but I was now being asked to delve face first into leading it by his side. Unlike Jiho, I had not had the ability to learn beside our Father, I didn’t possess the same knowledge he had the chance to learn by experience. In what way would I be able to catch up to his level? Was it even possible?

In frustration I threw the blankets off of me and hung my feet over the side of the bed, rubbing my face in my hands trying to settle my thoughts. I needed to go get water, something, anything that could just give me the opportunity to calm myself.

I crept through the dark halls, trying to find my way downstairs to the kitchen. The house had an eerie stillness to it in the night, each step on the stairs causing a deafening creak breaking through the silence.

Finally locating the archway to the kitchen, I slid my hand across the wall in search of the light switch, squinting in adjustment once the light finally hit my eyes. I was only reminded of my unfamiliarity with the home when I realized I had no idea what cabinet the cups occupied.

“Didn’t take you long to start rifling through the house I see.” I jumped at Minho's voice, turning to see him leaning against the archway with arms crossed.

“Oh please.” With a glare I turned back to my mission of locating my water vessel. “I just need a damn cup.” I grumbled in frustration before finally opening the last cabinet, an array of glasses for options. Grabbing one, I crossed to the sink and began to fill it. “Is it really such a crime to feel dehydrated?” I leaned against the counter behind me, staring Minho down as I took a sip. “What are you doing awake anyways?” His eyes followed the glass as I set it down next to me.

“I’m a light sleeper, and was curious who was fumbling their way through the house at such an hour.” He made his way to the island, pulling out a stool and sitting down.

“Fumbling?” I scoffed as I crossed my arms. “I was hardly fumbling. Plus, I wouldn’t have had such a hard time if the interior of this house wasn’t so dark.” My eyebrows raised as I stared at him with humor, feeling like my unfamiliarity paired with the dark aesthetic of the home created a proper reasoning for my inability to move through the halls smoothly.

“Well you’re going to have to get better at moving in the dark if you’re going to work with us.” His sharp stare felt like it was piercing through me, his tone flat with little emotion poking through.

“You act like I have no idea what I’m doing.” Once again, my irritation found itself cozy at home within my veins. The audacity he had to act like I was some helpless child needing my hand held, like I was some frail girl who was flung into this without a single thought in my head. My hand gripped my other arm, finding grasp on the sleeve of my sweatshirt as my jaw tensed.

“Have you stopped to think maybe you don’t?” Minho’s abrupt change in demeanor put an unsettling feeling in the pit of my stomach, the first true emotions he’s shown to me since my arrival being that of resentment as his voice raised.

“What is your problem with me? It’s like you decided your distaste for me before I even walked in the door.” My tone quickly matched his own, paying no mind to the raise in volume between the both of us. If this was the game he wanted to play with me, I had no worries in meeting him on a level playing field.

“Maybe I just don’t like the idea of letting someone in that has a giant target on their back. You’re putting all of us at risk by being here!” He leaned against the back of the stool, face painted with anger and putting a hostile feeling to the air.

“You act like I wanted to come here! Like it was my life’s greatest pleasure to uproot everything I’ve built for myself to come here, I would have much rather stayed on my own!” My hands settled forward on the island counter, head tilted in annoyance as I could feel my heart rate starting to spike and my body temperature rise.

“Then leave!” He rose from his seat, leaning his own hands on the counter, leaving the two of us face to face as he spit his words. “No one is holding a gun to your head, you’re not a prisoner here. Figure this shit out on your own instead of putting us in danger!”

“What the fuck are you two down here yelling about at one in the morning!?” Chan’s groggy and irritated eyes stared down the two of us from the entryway. “Whatever this is can wait until the morning, both of you shut up and go back to bed.” My eyes scanned over Minho’s expression one last time as my tongue ran across the inside of my cheek.

“It’s fine. We were finished here anyway.” I pushed past Chan into the hall and made my way toward the front door, needing to put as much distance between this house and myself as possible.

“What has gotten into you? You seem to forget that she may be new, but she’s still a Choi. Her word is above us Minho.” Chan’s blunt voice carried from the kitchen as I slid my shoes on and grabbed my jacket, storming out into the cold night and slamming the door behind me, cutting off the rest of their conversation from my ears.

I didn’t know where to go, or even know where I was, I just knew that I needed to be as far from that house as possible. It felt like every emotion was hitting me collectively at once, the anger, irritation and offense all boiling through my blood in deep contrast with the pain and hurt that I had been trying so hard to ignore tearing apart my chest. Everything I knew had been swept out from under me in an instant, any sense of normalcy pried from my fingers, and this is what I had to adapt to as my new normal? I just started running, my feet taking me wherever they deemed necessary.

The road was shrouded in complete darkness, the trees shielding out any possibility of the moonlight seeping through. My ears were ringing, cheeks stinging from the cold air hitting the tears that I was unaware were now streaming down my face. There was no way I’d be able to train alongside Minho, not when just my presence sent him into a tizzy, any time I open my mouth causing an issue.

My fists clenched as I ran, trying to diffuse my anger with any source of self relief. My endurance wasn’t as strong as it once was as I could feel the sprinting finally catching up with me and my legs beginning to feel weak. Unaware of how long I had actually been running for, I began to let up on my pace. My winded breathing began to take over as I slowed to a stop and rested my hands forward on my knees, catching my breath. This was all too much at once, I couldn’t even stop to process a single bit of information that was being hurled at me before a new problem came up. I never got a moment for recovery, how could I possibly handle any of this when my entire life just imploded before my eyes.

My gasps for air turned to sobs as my tears hit the concrete below me, my arms and legs uncontrollably shaking. It was all too much. So many layers that were crumbling on top of each other, I had watched as each bit piled up on top of each other, the weight becoming too heavy for support as it all came tumbling down in a single moment. The argument being the straw that finally broke the metaphorical back of a camel that was once standing as strong as a mountain.

I pushed myself to the edge of the road, leaning my back against a tree as I struggled to get my breathing settled, my brain now sitting in a post panicked haze. My head eased back and fell against the bark, a shaky deep breath following. A quiet hum in the distance brought my head up in the direction that I had traveled from, headlights appearing in the distance. I pulled my hood over my head in an attempt to keep my face shielded from the bright light cutting through the darkness. The vehicle slowed as it came closer before coming to a halt in front of me, the tinted window rolling down to reveal Chan in the driver’s seat. We sat in silence for a moment, not a word exchanged as he reached across the passenger side and opened the door.

“Just get in please, it’s too late for you to be out here alone.” I closed my eyes with a sigh and slid into the passenger seat, resting my head back against the seat with heavy eyes. Chan turned the car around, making its way back to the house in painful silence. The ride was brief, my feet only taking me so far in a short period of time. As the car came to a halt, Chan sighed as he switched off the ignition and turned to me, pausing to choose his words before speaking.

“This is unlike him.” I raised my head slightly, barely catching eye contact with him before he continued. “I think the stress of this all is just getting to him, but that doesn’t justify him taking it out on you.” Chan scratched the back of his neck, head hanging low. “You’ve got the most on your plate out of all of us, and I understand that, but we all just need to at least attempt to make the most of this situation to at least make it all bearable.” I opened my mouth to protest, yet words failed to make it past my lips. “I’m not here to be a mediator between the two of you, but I had a talk with him and told him he needs to stand back and let you decompress from everything before you two destroy each other." His hand rested on my shoulder, both of our tired eyes meeting. “Just get some rest, we can work all of this out when we aren’t all deprived of sleep. I’ll have Felix give you a proper tour of the house in the morning, and I’m gonna keep you and Minho apart until you both cool down.”

“I can play nice Chan, it’s him you need to get a rein on.” I scoffed as I opened the door and made my way up the steps to the house, the familiar dark looming exterior making me feel small. I hung up my jacket and glanced forward to see the light still on in the kitchen at a distance, Minho’s figure still seated at the island, staring down at his crossed hands on the counter in front of him. I let out a huff and made my way up the stairs to my bedroom, closing the door behind me and dropping myself onto the bed in the darkness.

I reached up, pulling my phone off the nightstand to check the time. Multiple texts and missed calls from Seongho littered my screen. I swiped to unlock it, eyes adjusting to the bright light in front of me and attempting to view the string of messages left.

6:20PM: Hey Siu, your shift started 20 minutes ago, where you at?

7:00PM: Siu? You good?

7:42PM: Seriously, you’re starting to worry me, just say something at least, this isn’t like you.

9:00PM: If you don’t respond by the time my shift is over, I’m showing up at your place.

11:00PM: I’m dead serious, you better say something.

It was very quickly nearing 2AM, so I knew his shift would be over shortly, and the last thing I needed was for him to show up to my empty apartment already panicked. I quickly typed out a response to him in a fog, telling him I was alright, but needed to explain everything to him later. Shutting the screen off, I buried my face into my pillow and shut my eyes, trying to force myself to finally fall into a slumber.

Next Chapter

[braveclementine]

Chapter 28

Warnings: Mentions of love making, 18+ readers only

Copyright: I do not own any Wizarding World characters that J.K. Rowling wrote. I do however own Elizabeth Kane (main character) and Trang Nyguen (best friend). There should be no use of these two names without my permission. I also do not condone any copying of this.

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𝕿𝖍𝖊𝖗𝖊 𝖜𝖊𝖗𝖊 𝖒𝖆𝖓𝖞 things that Umbridge needed to take care of after Fred and George had left. For one thing, upstairs was a very large swamp that they had created themselves. Umbridge had tried to get rid of it with no success and neither Flitwick nor McGonagall seemed very eager to try it out themselves.

Then there were the broom shaped holes in Umbridge's office door. Filch had replaced the door and Harry's broom was moved down into a dungeon to be guarded by a security troll. Bloody waste of time in my opinion.

There were also rebellious students who seemed to be trying to out-do each other for the vacant position of trouble-makers-in-chief. A niffler was put in Umbridge's office. The office was ripped apart, looking for shiny things and when Umbridge entered the room, the niffler leapt upon her hand to get to her shiny rings.

There were also dungbombs and stink pellets dropped in the corridors and people were producing bubble-head charms on themselves before going out so that they didn't have to breathe in the foul air.

Filch was now always prowling the corridors with a whip in his hand. The Inquisitorial Squad was attempting to help him as nearly every student had turned into a troublemaker but weird things were starting to happen to them. For instance, I knew for a fact that Lee was the one who had given Pansy Parkinson (much to Hermione's delight) antlers so that she had to miss a whole day of classes.

I had my art pad out frequently now, drawing everything. I had done two drawings of Pany Parkinson and her antlers and had posted it on a wall in the Great Hall so that everyone who came down to breakfast the next morning laughed at it. Pansy was extremely angry, and attempted to set it on fire. I'd put an protective spell on it however and the spell rebounded, catching her robes on fire. Professor Snape gave me a legitimate detention for that one. And then he'd punished me and I had been unable to sit down without wincing for two days.

No regrets though.

And of course, there were the Skiving Snackboxes. They were only used during Umbridge's class of course. Us students told her that we had Umbridge-itis and I spent a half hour in her class, striding up the aisles of the desk, trying hard not to laugh and telling the students in my class about it.

"A very dangerous disease of course." I said, walking past Susan who had her face in her hands, laughing hysterically. I had to pause carefully in between sentences as I was close to bursting into laughter myself. "Umbridge-itis has four different symptoms: Fainting, vomiting, dangerously high fevers, and bloody noses. The best way to avoid these symptoms is to stay far away from an Umbridge. An Umbridge," I stated, now walking past Ernie, Justin, and Zacharias who had tears of laughter in their eyes. "Is something that looks like a midgit and only wears pink. Looks a bit like a human toad and has a false, sweet voice."

Needless to say, Umbridge was not as amused as the students and I got three weeks worth of detention. However, the story of what I'd said spread throughout the school and soon, everyone was telling her that they had Umbridge-itis. I was also awarded twenty points to Hufflepuff by Professor McGonagall for performing a simple vanishing spell.

But no one, and I mean no one, caused more trouble than Peeves. He upended tables, shattered vases, knocked over statues, burst out of blackboards, shut Mrs. Norris up in a suit of armor twice, juggled burning torches over heads of screaming students, toppled neatly stacked parchment out of windows, flooded the second floor by pulled the taps off the handles in the bathroom, dropped a bag of tarantulas in the Great Hall during breakfast and whenever he was bored, spent hours floating above Umbridge and blowing loud raspberries every time she spoke, making the kids collapse into giggles.

The staff did absolutely nothing to help her- except Filch. Harry, Susan, and I were standing in a corridor, watching peeves unscrew a crystal chandelier, and then watched as Professor McGonagall walked by. "It unscrews the other way." she muttered, walking on and the three of us looked at each other in amazement and laughed. Then we hit the floor as the chandelier crashed, sending bits of crystal, metal, and glass our way.

Of course, it wasn't all fun and games. Umbridge was finding anything to put me in detention for- though at this point, I was really starting to deserve it. I'd created fliers about Umbridge-itis, posting them on the boards and walls and had neat little stacks of brochures for people to read. She'd told Filch to whip me whenever he saw me, so I'd taken to avoiding him as much as possible. I did have a couple whip marks on my back though, when I didn't watch out carefully enough. I wasn't the only one either- Filch seemed especially vindictive towards the Gryffindors.

Severus was a bit enraged about me being so proactive against her. "You're going to get hurt." He said as we were laying in bed after we'd finished making love. "And I mean really hurt- not cutting words into your hand or whip marks. . ." his fingers traced over a fading scar. He'd done some magic so that they wouldn't be permanent.

"I'm going to be fine." I said, smiling up at him and then kissing his cheek. "Besides, this is fun."

He groaned but said nothing more on the subject, running his fingers absentmindedly up and down my thigh before he finally fell asleep.

There was one last Quidditch match coming up which was Hufflepuff vs. Slytherin. I asked Severus in a teasing voice about who he hoped would win. He made an incoherent noise and ran his lips over my breasts. I supposed it was answer enough.

The Slytherin and Hufflepuff tensions were high and I noticed that I seemed to have an extraordinary amount of homework for Defense Against the Dark Arts class and no homework for any other class- including potions.

The day of the Quidditch match, our nerves had reached a certain height. I was pacing back and forth, my firebolt standing up by the door.

"We're going to win this." I said in a small voice, looking at everyone. "We are the best team here. And. . . and we're going to do this, not to show Umbridge, but to honor Cedric's memory."

"This one's for Cedric." Malcolm said in a strong voice.

"For Cedric." We all said.

We all stood up, holding our brooms over our shoulder. We walked onto the pitch, all stony faced. I shook hands with a replacement Captain for Montague who was still in the hospital. He was crying to crush my fingers but I didn't react. I remained emotionless.

Madam Hooch blew her whistle and we all flew upwards. Draco was keeping on my tail and I was doing my best to ignore him. I kept my eyes open, scanning for the snitch as I continued to fly around. Heidi scored.

"Give it up Kane!" Draco hissed somewhere to my right. "You can't win this and you know it. Cedirc couldn't have won this either. . ."

So he was going to tell me about Cedric now, was he? I dove. Draco rushed after me and I kept my eyes determinedly on a spot on the pitch. Draco was concentrating on where I was looking, not realizing that I was actually feinting. At the very last second before I was going to crash, I pulled up neatly. Draco on the other hand, crashed, and I sped back up, grinning victoriously.

"And Kane uses Krum's signature move Wronski Feint against Slytherin's seeker. Nice play Elizabeth!" Lee shouted from the speakers box. He wasn't being as fun as before- mostly because Fred and George had left. I winked at him as I sped by.

I was high enough that I could see Harry, Hermione, and Ron with Hagrid by his hut, going into the forest. I dodged a bludger and took off south. We were up forty points. I saw the snitch on the other side of the pitch and I streaked towards it. Draco was back on his broom zooming after me.

Suddenly, one of the Slytherin Chasers slammed into me from the ride side and I slipped off the broom. I tightened my legs so that I was hanging fifty feet in the air by my legs. There were screams and gasps from the crowd as I let go with my legs, throwing a hand up to catch the broom and then pulled myself up and taking off again.

The snitch had been lost, Draco had been gloating to much to catch it. I was thankful for that of course. Malcolm took a bludger to the stomach at that moment and was out of the game. Heidi and Zacharias immediately started scoring goal after goal with a furious intensity that was unrivaled. Our beaters were fiercely knocking Slytherins off their brooms too.

I dodged another bludger and then caught sight of the snitch. It was almost like fate, darting in front of Umbridge's effing nose. (Not literally, just close by the teacher's stand).

Draco was on the other side of the field and I zoomed towards the teacher stands, grinning. Umbridge fell back in fear, perhaps thinking I was attacking her, and I grabbed the snitch, holding it up triumphantly.

Lee was laughing at Umbridge and I grabbed the microphone and shouted into it, "That- was for Cedric!" And then I raced back to the ground where the other Hufflepuff team members flew down to meet me and we were all hugging. I was so joyful that I couldn't stop smiling. We were all smiling and half of us were crying too. We'd won the Cup! Hufflepuff hadn't won the cup in forever since Slytherin had had it nearly nine years in a row until Gryffindor had won two years ago.

The other Hufflepuffs were streaming out onto the Quidditch grounds, jumping and down in excitement. We were pushed up to where Professor Umbridge was waiting with the Quidditch Cup. She looked so pissed at having to give me the Quidditch Cup. It was trembling in her hands and I held out my hand for it.

She gritted her teeth and then Professor Sprout took it from her hands and handed it to me. "I'm glad such a worthy team got the Cup Miss Kane." She was beaming, looking extremely happy. I grinned back. Professor Umbridge looked like she had eaten a lemon. Severus looked quite proud too, hiding it in his eyes where only I could see it.

We headed back to the castle as a team. I saw Harry, Ron, and Hermione standing by the doors. They smiled as I passed by, waving the Quidditch Cup up.

Back in the Hufflepuff Common room, we threw a party with food, drinks, and dancing. It was very much like the party that Gryffindor had thrown when they'd won the cup.

We had a picture of Cedric on a desk with candles around him like an altar. This win was for Cedric. Around one in the morning everyone went to bed. I stayed up a little later, looking at Cedric's photo and picked it up in my hands.

His smiling face grinned back at me and winked. I smiled weakly. "I miss you." I said, tears coming to my eyes. "A lot." I guess I was wishing the photo would talk back- sometimes they did. But Cedric's photo wasn't charmed that way and he just beamed up at me and then gave me a thumbs up.

I put the photo back down on the table and pulled out some parchment.

We won the Quidditch Cup Dad. Guess I'm not a bad Captain after all. I think Cedric would be proud- the win was for him.

I didn't write anything else. I turned into a cat, picking the note up in my mouth and headed out so that I could go spend the night with Severus.

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𝕿𝖍𝖊 𝖓𝖊𝖝𝖙 𝖒𝖔𝖗𝖓𝖎𝖓𝖌 Harry, Ron, Hermione, and I went outside to study.

"We have a lot to tell you." Ron said as we sat down.

"I already know." I said, taking out my Transfiguration book. "Hagrid brought back his baby brother Grawp and wants us to teach him English."

"Pretty much." Hermione said.

"Bloody hell." I muttered. "Do you know how dangerous that is? I swear this more dangerous than Norbert or Aragog."

"He hasn't been sacked yet." Ron pointed out.

"But he will be." I muttered and then sighed, "I suppose we'll have to, won't we?"

"We did promise." Hermione said reluctantly.

I sighed. "Well, we'll deal with it when the time comes then" and I opened up my Transfiguration book and started to read.

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"𝕳𝖔𝖜 𝖒𝖆𝖓𝖞 𝖍𝖔𝖚𝖗𝖘 d'you think you're doing a day?" Ernie demanded me as I entered the common room a few days later.

I looked at him amused. "About six or seven."

"I'm doing eight." Ernie said, puffing out his chest and I rolled my eyes. "Eight or nine. I'm getting an hour in before breakfast every day. Eight's my average. I can do ten on a good weekend day. I did nine and-"

"Ernie." I said, amused. "You know you're going to do fine, right? Calm down."

"You don't seem stressed at all!" Susan said grumpily from a chair near the unlit fireplace.

"Of course I'm stressed." I said shrugging my shoulders. "I just don't show it." Right, more like I got all my stress out at night with Severus.

"I'm going to fail!" Hannah said hysterically, her eyes glazed over, staring blankly at the potions textbook in front of her.

"Calm down Hannah." I said, smiling. "You're going to do fine, just keep your head and don't freak out, alright?"

"Eliza!" Rose called from across the common room and I left the others to go to her.

"What's up Rose?" I asked, sitting down with her and her first-year friends.

"Will you help me with my lessons?" She asked, her tiny hands holding our her textbook.

"Of course!" I said brightly, taking the book from her and testing her on the different terms, definitions, and incantations. I also helped her with practicals, practicing the spells of my own first-year exams which had consisted of dancing pineapples and pretty snuffboxes.

I was also still trying to get Harry to close his mind for Occlumency but he was not improving. I was starting to get nervous. If I didn't get him to close his mind then what could happen? I knew what could happen- Harry could get lured somewhere.

I had to confiscate multiple different products that were being sold by the older students to the fifth-years before they were bought. I knew a majority of them were fake and some of them were dangerous. For example, dragon claw would boost your brain, but having to much exposure to the item could actually make you stupider than you really were.

During Herbology, Professor Sprout had the Hufflepuffs stay back and handed out exam schedules and details of the procedures.

"As you can see, your O.W.L.s are spread over two successive weeks. You will sit the theory exams in the mornings and the practice in the afternoons. Your practical Astronomy examination will, of course, take place at night. Now," She said, looking around the greenhouse, "I must warn you that the most stringent Anti-Cheating Charms have been applied to your examination papers. Auto-Answer Quills are banned from the examination hall, as are Remembrall's, Detachable Cribbing Cuffs, and Self-Correcting Ink. Every year, I am afraid to say, seems to harbor at least one student who thinks that he or she can get around the Wizarding Examinations Authority's rules. I can only hope that will not be anybody in Hufflepuff. Our new- headmistress- has asked the Heads of House to tell their students that cheating will be punished most severely- because, of course, your examination results will reflect upon the- headmistress's- new takeover at the school. . . However, instead of potentially risking your futures to destroy her career, it would be better advised to do your best."

Ernie shot his hand up into the air and Professor Sprout called on him, "When should we expect our results?"

"Some time in July." I answered without thinking and then blushed and said, "Sorry Professor!" The class laughed.

"It's quite fine Miss Kane. Yes, some time in July your exam results will come out Mr. Macmillan."

All houses would be taking the tests together instead of separately. Of course, times would vary once it got to the elective classes. But for every student, the written Charms exam was on Monday.

At Dinner, Hermione kept diving into her bag to check another fact in a book instead of eating.

"You really ought to eat Hermione or you're not going to be able to sleep tonight." Ron said, sticking another piece of steak into his mouth. I took a sip of pumpkin juice and then Hermione sat up and dropped her fork on her plate.

"Oh, my goodness. Is that them? Is that the examiners?" Hermione asked, so faint with anxiety she wasn't even Englishing properly.

"Are those the examiners?" I corrected her but while Harry chuckled, Hermione completely ignored me. Improper grammar annoyed the crap out of me.

"Shall we go and have a closer look?" Ron asked. We got up from our seats and hastened towards the entrance hall and we slowed down to walk behind the examiners.

"Journey was fine, journey was fine!" The little witch standing next to Umbridge was shouting. I supposed she was deaf. "Now, I haven't heard from Dumbledore lately!" And she peered around the hall excitedly. "No idea where he is, I suppose?"

"None at all." Umbridge said, shooting an ugly look at us but didn't bother saying anything. I supposed she wouldn't even insult a werewolf brat in front of the testing instructors. "But I daresay the Ministry of Magic will track him down soon enough. . ."

"I doubt it!" The tiny witch shouted, drawing looks from passing students. "not if Dumbledore doesn't want to be found! I should know. . . Examined him personally in Transfiguration and Charms when he did N.E.W.T.s. . . Did things with a wand I'd never seen before. . ."

So she was like one hundred and fifty years old then. Cause Dumbledore was like one hundred and twenty years (I would assume). Then I tried to think logically about how old he actually was and couldn't come up with a number. Yes, he had to be 113 cause he was born in 1881, so he was at least over 100. . . Good lord! Then how old was McGonagall? 75 years old?

I was reeling with these facts. Holy Crap, my Professors were so old. . . but you had to admire her. After all, McGonagall certainly didn't look 75 and she definitely didn't act like it either. Then again, Dumbledore didn't act like he was 113 either.

I spent Sunday night in Severus' room, reading my Charms book while he played absentmindedly with my hair and occasionally kissing me. When I finally laid the Charms book aside, he asked, "What did you look so shocked about when you came in?"

"I just realized today that Dumbledore is about 113 years old and Professor McGonagall is 75 years old." I said honestly, laying the book on his side table. "It just took me back a bit."

"I'm old too." Severus said softly and I thought I heard a note of sadness in his voice and I propped myself up on my elbows to look at him questioningly.

"No you're not." I argued. "You're nowhere near 75!"

"I'm in my thirties." He whispered. "That's double your age."

I gritted my teeth. "Don't play the pity game Severus. I love you and you're the one I want to spend the rest of my life with."

"Even if I die twenty years before you?" Severus asked and I realized that this conversation was going to more serious than I'd expected.

I sat up, letting the blankets fall from my naked body, extremely angry now. "You're regretting your decision, aren't you?"

"No!" He said quickly, sitting up too and I quickly looked away from his abs and just stared down. "I don't, Elizabeth. I'm sorry. I just don't want you to regret marrying someone as old as me."

"I don't regret a damn thing!" I said angrily.

Severus appraised me for a second and then I was so angry that I pushed him down on the bed and kissed him fiercely. There was an energy in me that I'd never felt before. I moved my lips down to his throat and bit, a bit harder than I meant to and he gasped.

He rolled over, slamming me down onto the bed and slid in so roughly that I gasped too. I dug my nails into his back as he moved faster and faster. I kept my mouth closed tight so that I didn't shriek. I wasn't in pain either, it felt so good. We were both breathing extremely hard, and small sounds escaped both our mouths. This. . . this was perfection.

His hands clutched at my body, his lips and teeth caressing my skin. My fingers tangled in his hair, pulling him closer to me. His hand traveled downwards, circling my clit, speeding up his hard, solid thrusts as I came over and over again.

There was something that I happened near the end too that had never happened before. It was nearly the highest point of our time together. His teeth bit me on the breast when it happened, it seemed like a jerk reaction. I wasn't entirely sure what had happened as I gasped, staring up at him.

He grinned, wiping away liquid from his chest. "Well I must've done really good to make you squirt love."

I blushed. "I- is that a good thing?"

Severus chuckled, pulling me close to his chest now that we were both cleaned up. He wrapped the blanket around my shoulders. "Of course love. It's a natural reaction."

With the reassurance that my body hadn't done anything wrong, I snuggled into him tightly and fell fast asleep.

When I woke up, I distracted myself by my nerves by observing the hickey on my breast now. "Sorry." Severus muttered sleepily, coming up behind me and observing us in the mirror. "You caught me by surprise."

I turned and saw he had one on his neck too and I touched it, "I meant that one." He grinned, kissing me on the lips. I saw the nail marks on his back then and I winced, "I didn't mean to do that though." I said, lightly touching the bruises. "Sorry."

"Don't worry, they'll be easy to cover up, this however-" he touched the hickey on his neck. "-that'll be a bit harder."

"Sorry." I repeated, not feeling all that sorry.

"You just need to learn to control yourself. You're just like a little kitten." he said mildly. I threw his shirt at him and pointed to the hickey on my breast.

"You're one to talk!"

He grinned, sweeping me into his arms to kiss my neck.

It was already eight-thirty and the exams started at nine-thirty and I needed to get up to the Great Hall for breakfast but Severus wasn't very keen to let me go. "It's to early, just stay here until your exams start." He mumbled, wrestling me back into bed.

I laughed as he kissed me repeatedly. "Sev, I need to eat!" And so he reluctantly let me up. I kissed him on the cheek and hurried up the stairs and into the Great Hall to eat.

I sat down at the Hufflepuff table and scarfed down a quick breakfast and then waited for the test to start. My heart was pounding and my nerves were being stretched thin. Oh I was going to fail. . . I was going to fail!

My heart settled down a bit once the exam started and I saw that the questions were a bit easier than I had thought they would be. I zoomed through them, knowing that I'd answered every single one of them correctly.

In the afternoon was the practical's for Charms where I made an eggcup do cartwheels and then levitated a wine glass. I had to perform the Color-change charm on a rat, trying to turn it orange, and then use the Growth Charm on a plant. Unfortunately, I think my rat was more golden than orange but it still looked orange enough I was sure I'd get most of my points.

I went to the library after that to study for Transfiguration. I figured that if all the tests- both written and practical- were like this I was going to get 'Outstandings' on everything. . . except Astronomy. That ticked me off. So I threw my Transfiguration book back in my bag and pulled out the Astronomy book.

I went back to the common room at nine, still studying Astronomy. The next day, the Transfiguration test went just easily as Charms. I was vanished my owl perfectly during practical's.

Then Herbology was on Wednesday and I planted the Fanged Geranium perfectly. Well, there was a smile nip on my ear but other than that, it couldn't have gone better.

Of course, I thought everything was going perfectly but I knew that I was probably going to fail everything if I thought like that. So, most of the time, I just doubted myself and tried to figure out all the things that I'd done wrong.

On Thursday, we had Defense Against the Dark Arts which I was sure went well. The most pleasing incident was doing all the jinxes, hexes, and counterspells perfectly in front of Umbitches nose. As expected, the fifth-years that hadn't been part of D.A. had a much harder time performing their spells. Some of them couldn't perform them at all, throwing panicked looks at Umbridge who was overseeing everything.

There was just the faintest of smiles on her lips when they did that. It made me want to accidentally miss the object in front of me and hex her instead.

I heard later that Harry got bonus points for producing a patronus. I was a bit disappointed that I hadn't had the chance to get bonus points but I figured it was no good crying over spilled milk. I focused even harder on Astronomy.

On Friday, Hermione and I went to Ancient Runes which I found was much more difficult than the other exams and immediately regretted not studying beforehand.

"How were the runes?" Ron asked as we came in through the Gryffindor portrait. Hermione wanted me to test her for Arithmancy.

"I mistranslated 'ehwaz'. It means 'partnership,' not 'defense', I mixed it up with 'eihwaz.' Hermione said. I was a bit surprised, I knew I hadn't missed that question at least. It had been one of the easier questions. Of course, the spellings were so similar for some of the runes that you had to re-read the questions a couple of times.

"Ah, well, that's only one mistake, isn't it, you'll still get-" Ron started stupidly.

"Oh shut up, it could be the one mistake that makes the difference between a pass and a fail. And what's more, someone's put another niffler in Umbridge's office, I don't know how they got it through that new window, but we just walked past there and Umbridge is shrieking her head off- by the sound of it, it tried to take a chunk out of her leg-"

"Good!" Harry and Ron said together but I shook my head.

"It is not good! She thinks it's Hagrid doing it, remember? And we do not want Hagrid chucked out!" Hermione said heatedly.

Harry looked out the window and then said, "He's teaching at the moment, she can't blame him."

"Oh, you're so naïve sometimes, Harry, you really think Umbridge will wait for proof?" Hermione said and seeming to forget that I was there to test her, she swept off for the girls' dormitory. I shook my head standing up.

"Such a lovely, sweet-tempered girl." Ron said fondly, pushing his queen forward on the chess board.

Potions was Monday and I studied for the exam Saturday and Sunday in Severus' room. I didn't leave the room except to eat and go to the bathroom. Of course, Severus was quite happy with this and helped me study between having some fun of his own. Sometimes he acted like such a teenager.

Of course, his mood when he was teaching or in the presence of Gryffindors and his mood when he was with me was so different that I always had to take a moment and wonder if he was being controlled. He was always so cold in class, emotionless, almost cruel. . . and with me. . . well it was a totally different side that no one had ever seen. I doubted anyone had seen how sweet, loving, and kind he could be when he wanted to. Only I had ever seen that side of him. . . and perhaps, at one point, mum had seen it too.

The exam on Monday for Potions went well. The written exam was a bit difficult, but the brewing process was at a good difficulty level for our class.

Tuesday was Care of Magical Creatures and I was determined to do well just to show Professor Umbridge that Hagrid was a good teacher. Of course, I wondered why Hagrid even put up with being a teacher. Third-year, Draco had ruined his class with Buckbeak. Fourth-year, Rita Skeeter had written horrible stories about him, and now this year Umbridge was extremely close to sacking him.

The Care of Magical Creatures exam went well. First was to find the knarl hidden among hedgehogs. The trick was to use milk because knarls would spit furiously, thinking you were trying to give them poison. Then you had to handle a Bowtruckle correctly, then clean and care for a fire-crab without getting burned, and lastly provided a selection of food that would be given to a sick unicorn to help it get better. I privately thought it was the easiest exam I had taken. Well no, Third-year Care of Magical Creatures exam was the easiest one.

The Astronomy sitting exam was Wednesday morning. My studying all week for it had certainly paid off because for what felt like the first time, I knew the answers to the questions.

Divination was in the afternoon. I was supposed to look in the crystal ball, tell a prediction by tea leaves, and then read the palm of the examiner.

My crystal ball and tea-leaves went smoothly. For the crystal ball, I said that I was foreseeing Kingsley Shacklebolt becoming Minister of Magic in three years. For the tea leaves, I said that Professor Umbridge would be taken by a herd of Centaurs. For the palm reading, I had a bit of difficulty because I didn't really see anything about the future with my examiner and finished off saying that they were going to die in about twenty-four years.

I was starting to think I should drop the subject. I knew Ron and Harry were going to. I froze on the stairs however, and Ernie and Susan stopped walking, looking back at me curiously. "What'd you see?" Ernie asked quickly.

I was watching Hagrid being attacked tonight and Professor McGonagall trying to help him out. "Oh dear." I whispered.

"What is it?" Susan asked urgently.

"Umbridge is going to go after Hagrid tonight during our Astronomy exam." I whispered. "They're not going to sack him, they're going to try and arrest him."

"They can't do that!" Ernie said indignantly.

"Well they're going to." I said breathlessly. "I need. . . I need to figure out how to stop it, excuse me." I rushed past them, leaving them on the stairs and hurrying to Professor McGonagall's office.

I quickly recounted what I'd seen and said, "You really shouldn't go and save him, you'll get hurt!"

Professor McGonagall's face was stony. "I'm forewarned now Miss Kane. Just do well on your Astronomy exam, okay? I'd like you to get a perfect set of O.W.L.s."

I had no choice but to leave her office, feeling horrible. I did as she had instructed however and pulled out my astronomy book and compared it to a practice exam. My mind felt terribly numb and I took a quick nap in the Hufflepuff common room before dinner.

I headed up to the Astronomy tower with a sinking stomach and heavy feet. Ernie and Susan were walking with me, saying nothing, just watching my face. I got a telescope between Ernie and Hermione.

My hands were shaking as Professor Marchbanks started the exam. I looked through the telescope and quickly wrote down what I saw, drawing, and trying to keep in mind the things that Firenze, Sinistra, and Trelawney had taught me.

I was two-thirds of the way done when I looked down, writing a note on my parchment and saw Umbridge strolling across the ground, about five or six people following after her. I quickly looked through the telescope again, trying to ignore her. I saw Ernie give me the swiftest of looks and I shook my head slightly. Eighty percent done. Come on. . .

I heard the distant noise of a fist hammering on a door and my stomach lurched. Oh Merlin's beard. . . I could hear Fang barking like mad.

I pressed my eye to the telescope again, marking the position of Venus and labeling it on the map.

There, my map was done. I quickly doubled checked everything and then heard a distant roar from far away that rang all the way up to the Astronomy tower. I flinched. No, this constellation was drawn wrong. I shakily erased the little bit and then redid it.

"Try and concentrate, now, boys and girls." Professor Tofty said softly. I noticed Hermione was still staring down at Hagrid's cabin. "Ahem- twenty minutes to go." Hermione jerked back to her star chart.

There was a BANG from the grounds and people muttered "Ouch!" as they ducked out from underneath their telescopes.

Hagrid's door had burst open now and there were red lights shooting towards him, they were trying to stun him.

"No!" Hermione and I cried together. I had the strangest urge to jump off the Astronomy tower the way that I had when Professor Quirrell had cornered me in my first-year and go and help Hagrid.

"My dears! This is an examination!" Professor Tofty said in a strangled voice but no one was looking at their charts anymore.

The voices were carrying all the way up to the Astronomy tower, "Be reasonable, Hagrid!"

"Reasonable be damned, yeh won' take me like this, Dawlish!" Hagrid shouted. I wondered if Kingsley was down there and I'd made up my mind.

There were screams as I jumped from the Astronomy tower. I had my wand out, my face set in grim determination. I waved my wand, stopping my fall and then landed on my feet and raced towards Hagrid's cabin. I saw light behind me and knew that Professor McGonagall had exited the castle.

"How dare you!" Professor McGonagall shouted, not seeing me to her left. "How dare you! Leave him alone! Alone, I say! On what grounds are you attacking him? He has done nothing, nothing to warrant such an attack!" Her wand was out, and blocked the stuns that were sent her way. But it was four different people and she stumbled back.

My wand was out and I sent stunning spells towards them with as much force as I could muster. I did notice that Kingsley was in the back, blending in nicely with the background. I pretended not to notice him. Why was everyone I loved turning out not to be the people I thought they were? Lupin was a coward, Kingsley was a monster, Sirius was a jerk, James was inconsiderate, and Lily had hated James.

And then, Professor McGonagall noticed me and was distracted enough that four stunning spells hit her. I felt horrible but continued to send my spells towards them.

"You're going to be expelled Kane!" Umbridge shouted at me. I noticed Kingsley was hesitating.

"COWARDS! RUDDY COWARDS! HAVE SOME O' THAT- AN' THAT-"

I was a bit surprised as Hagrid collapsed two of the attackers. Hagrid slung Fang's stunned body over his shoulders and hurried into the forest. Kingsley waved his wand and everyone collapsed except me and him. He hurried over to where I was standing and pushed me out of sight of the Astronomy Tower.

"What the hell are you doing down here?" He asked. I'd never seen Kingsley angry before. His accent mixed in with his words.

"Why the hell did you attack him?" I asked furiously. "You're supposed to be a good person!"

"I have a part to play, Elizabeth. I'm going to erase their memories. They need to forget that you were here. Your dad-"

"Yeah well my dad's never exactly who he's says he is either. Guess I should get used to the people I love being the people they aren't." I shoved his arm away and hurried over to where Professor McGonagall was. Professor Snape and Professor Flitwick were hurrying out of the castle now, Professor Sprout was emerging from the greenhouses.

"Get inside Miss Kane." Professor Flitwick said, for once his squeaky voice wasn't very cheerful. I stormed over to the Astronomy tower and used a propulsion charm to propel myself up, grabbing the edge of the tower and pulling myself up.

Parvati and Lavender were in tears, worried about Professor McGonagall. The Hufflepuffs were staring at me with shock. The examiners rebuked me for the crazy stunt that I had done. Remembering that Kingsley was going to erase the others memories down below, I performed the swiftest memory charm on the two examiners, removing only the scene of me jumping from the Astronomy tower. . . hopefully.

We all trooped down the stairs. Hermione was shaking with rage, though it was nothing compared to my anger. "That evil woman! Trying to sneak up on Hagrid in the dead of night!"

"She clearly wanted to avoid another scene like Trelawney's." Ernie said, squeezing into our group.

"Hagrid did well, didn't he?" Ron asked though he looked alarmed. "How come all the spells bounced off him?"

"His giant blood." I muttered.

"Poor Professor McGonagall. . ." Hermione said. "Four stunners straight in the chest and she's not exactly young, is she?"

I shook my head. "She'll be lucky if she's still alive by tomorrow morning."

"Dreadful, dreadful, well, I'm off to bed. . . 'Night, all. . . Elizabeth, aren't you coming?" Ernie asked pompously.

"I'll be back in a minute." I promised and hurried with Hermione, Harry, and Ron to the Gryffindor common room. Hermione's eyes were full of tears and I felt like crying myself.

We found that the commotion had awoken many people in the common room and now most of the group was up. Seamus and Dean had arrived ahead of us and had recounted the story in detail so there were many eyes on me and Lee said, "I heard you pulled some ninja warrior stunts Elizabeth?"

I smiled grimly and dropped it immediately.

"Why sack Hagrid now?" Angelina asked. "It's not like Trelawney, he's been teaching much better than usual this year!"

"Umbridge hates part-humans." Hermione said bitterly, sitting down in an arm chair. "She was always going to try and get Hagrid out. Look at Elizabeth- her father's a werewolf and Umbridge has been trying to take everything from her."

I wished people would stop always bringing me up.

"And she thought Hagrid was putting nifflers in her office." Katie piped up.

"Oh blimey." Lee said. "It's me's been putting the nifflers in her office, Fred and George left me a couple, I've been levitating them in through her window..."

"She'd have sacked him anyway, he was too close to Dumbledore." Dean pointed out.

"That's true." Harry said, sinking into an armchair.

"I just hope Professor McGonagall's all right." Lavender said tearfully. Everyones eyes flickered over to me.

"They carried her back up to the castle, we watched through the dormitory window." Colin said. "She didn't look very well. . ."

Everyones eyes were still on me and I sighed and closed my eyes. There, they were transporting her to St. Mungo's. . . she'd stay there all term. . . come back with a cane in hand. . . I opened my eyes, "She'll live. They're going to transport her to St. Mungo's in the morning. Madam Pomfrey says it's lucky she's not dead. She'll be back before the end of the year is out though. Oooh I hope Umbridge gets punished for this!"

Not likely though if everyone was like Kingsley.

I knew that it would be four in the morning before the common room cleared but I left anyways, hurrying to Professor Snape's bedroom. He was sitting up at his desk, doing something and slammed it down when he came in. "Oh, it's just you."

"I can come back." I mumbled sleepily. To be honest, I believed that if I went back to the Hufflepuff dorm I would probably fall asleep there.

"No." Severus said, standing up and coming over to turn off the light. "Come on sleepy head."

I lay there for a few moments, feeling absolutely horrible. Tears leaked out of my eyes and spilled over my cheeks. I shifted my head so that the tears wouldn't drop onto Severus' chest because I knew then he'd know I was crying.

"She's going to be okay." Severus said suddenly and I realized that he knew I was crying.

"I know." I said thickly. "I. . . I said some really horrible things to Kingsley though. . ."

"Yes, he pulled me aside and told me." Severus said lightly. "I'm not exactly sure what you're referring to though when you say your dad isn't who you thought he was."

I was silent for a moment and then said, "Nearly everyone I love. . . none of them are who I thought they were. Dad, Lupin- he's a coward. Kinsley's a monster. James was arrogant. Mum was decent but she hated James. . . it wasn't the romantic, love at first sight I thought it was. And Sirius is a jerk too."

Severus didn't speak for so long I nearly fell asleep and then he said so softly I barely caught his words, "You're wrong, you know."

"About what?" I asked, feeling snappish.

"Kingsley isn't a monster. He has a role to play. He can't just go against the Minister, he'd lose his job. I mean. . . what do you think I'm doing Elizabeth? I have to play two sides as well! And your dad, Lupin, I mean, he's not a coward. I don't even know where you got that idea-"

"He said it himself." I muttered. "Harry and I snuck into Umbridge's office. Harry wanted to speak to Sirius about James after he saw the -er- memory. He said he never believed he would feel sorry for you- he's not exactly proud of his -our- dad anymore. But Lupin. . . he said that he never had the guts to stand up to them and tell them to lay off you. And I saw it in the memory too. . . he did nothing, just like a coward." I finished this off extremely bitter.

"You know." Severus said lightly. "You're judging Remus, Sirius, James, and Lily all based on what you saw when they- we- were teenagers. Your dad isn't a coward, Lily really did... she really did love James. And James became less arrogant -towards others anyways- when he got older. I'd say Sirius is still a bit of a jerk, but that's a biased opinion."

I laughed weakly and said, "You're right, I know that I just. . ."

Severus kissed me and said, "Get some sleep. You have exams in the morning."

I squirmed until I was warm enough and comfortable enough, my head resting in the crook of his arm and I fell asleep quickly.

🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡

𝕳𝖎𝖘𝖙𝖔𝖗𝖞 𝖔𝖋 𝕸𝖆𝖌𝖎𝖈 was to be taken the next afternoon and I slept in so that I could be refreshed enough for the test. It was being held just slightly later than the other exams so that we could get an adequate amount of sleep since we'd had our practical astronomy last night. So instead of being held at nine-thirty, it was held at two o'clock. But I still had Magical Theory at one o'clock, whic I hadn't studied for as I had been to preoccupied with Astronomy.

A lot of the students looked tired when I went in for lunch around 12:17. I'd pretty much woken up 10 minutes before 12 o'clock- alone in the room because Severus had been teaching a second-year potions class.

I sat down at the Hufflepuff table and Susan, Ernie, and some of the other Hufflepuffs asked me what was going to happen to Professor McGonagall. I told them what I'd foreseen and told them to keep quiet about it.

I went into the Magical Theory classroom for the exam with about maybe thirty something other students. The exam went smoothly, though I wasn't as sure about my answers as I had been with my other exams.

Then we came back to the Great Hall for the exam around two and settled into our seats. I took the exam and worked through the questions methodically. A lot of them were about the goblin rebellions that Professor Binns had taught about. Of course, dates and names were hard to get straight and I had a horrible memory for dates, so I worked much slower on this exam.

There were also much easier questions surrounding the statue of secrecy and also the confederation of warlocks and many other questions that I knew. I answered the questions about the Werewolf registration act with ease, a bit of a smirk on my face.

I finished writing up the last question and set the exam aside. And then, a vision popped into my head. I kept my mouth shut so that I didn't gasp as I watched Voldemort somewhere in the Ministry of magic, torturing Sirius. My hand clenched around my desk. If I was seeing this. . .

I shook my head and looked back at Harry and saw that he had fallen to the floor and he was starting to writhe, clutching his scar.

"Professor Marchbanks!" I called and pointed to where Harry lay. Professor Tofty quickly hurried over while Professor Marchbanks continued to survey us, though her eyes jumped nervously to where Harry lay. Professor Tofty led Harry out of the room and I looked at where Hermione was sitting.

I quickly turned back around and looked into the vision more. Was Sirius there? But how? Kreacher maybe? No. . . we were going to arrive at the Ministry. . . it was going to be a trap. I felt strangely relieved. And then. . . the Order would show up to save us. . . and. . . Sirius would die!

I felt my heart sink. Harry had seen the same thing. Would he listen to me if I told him it was a trap? If I told him that Sirius wasn't actually there? But how could I prove it? I'd told Harry and Ron and Hermione visions before and they didn't believe me. They didn't believe me about Professor Quirrell. . . though granted they didn't know about my visions then. But they wouldn't believe me in our third-year that Sirius was innocent or that he wasn't after Harry and they had known about my visions then!

I barely noticed when Professor Marchbanks dismissed us until Hermione was practically pulling me out of my seat. I blinked and jumped up with the others and left with them.

We hurried up the marble staircase where we saw Harry flying down the staircase towards us. "Come with me, I've got to tell you something. . ." Harry said quickly and I shook my head but followed him along the first-floor corridor until we found an empty room.

"Voldemort's got Sirius." Harry said.

"No he doesn't." I said softly. "Harry-"

"Yes he does!" Harry snapped at me.

"No he doesn't!" I argued, heat rising to my cheeks. "I saw what's going to happen! Voldemort is taking advantage of your connection. He showed you a false memory. He created the memory for you! When we get to London- but we're not- it'll be a trap. You are the only one who can get what Voldemort wants. We'll get there, there will be no Sirius, the Order will come to save us and then, that's when Sirius finally gets there and Bellatrix Lestrange kills him. So yes, Sirius will die, but only if we go to London."

Harry was shaking his head. "You don't understand!"

"Oh?" I asked, raising my eyebrow. "And what don't I understand?"

"Sirius wasn't the only person there!" Harry said.

I frowned. "No, it was only Voldemort and Sirius."

Harry shook his head and then said, "Elizabeth, he's got Trang too." 

⬅️➡️

[needlefail]

🌱 Hai I’m Kiri (he/she) but you can also call me Huck

🌻I’m an 18 yr old muslim lesbian (Also Balkian 🤭)

🌱I post for a few fandoms which include Craig of the Creek, Warrior Cats, JJBA Golden Wind, Wings of Fire, Eddsworld, Lord of the Flies and Tom Sawyer, Mouthwashing , C!Tommy dsmp (Bold is most frequent tho)

^^Feel free to talk to me about any of these

🌻I also post a bit about my ocs which can be found in #kiri ocs, #kiri<3 #lily<3 and #bay<3 (art in general can also be found in #kiri art)

🌱As of September 10, I’ve currently completed a rewatch of the entire Craig of the Creek, HOWEVER I’ll most likely do another one in the future. To avoid spam of this you can block the #kiri of the creek tag

Other disclaimers

🌻I make threats all the time (ex saying im going to kill someone/myself etc) + may seem “aggressive” but I promise its all just a bit and I never mean any of it <3 Im a gentle soul I promise

🌱ALL MY ART IS FREE TO USE AS LONG AS CREDIT IS GIVEN!!! (also tag me

🌻I post nude chests (IN ART) sometimes and do not censor/tag it, this will most likely only be with my ocs tho in case you need a warning

🌱Uhhh,, if you’ve been told anything about me I recommend talking to me about it 😬Fact check your info folks!

Socials

🌻Tiktok is kiri_springs

🌱 Discord is hucklekiri.finn2177

🌻 Artfight is Racco_Kiri

Link below: Master doc to help others around the world by seaweedlagoon on twitter

[mcalhenwrites]

I'm sincerely trying to find answers to these questions. I'm seeking advice.

I'm going to start this off by stating that I'm still writing. I haven't quit. I'm not going to quit. This is about sharing. I've had so many people assume I quit writing or only will write for the sake of being a published author. I'll always be writing as long as I'm alive.

And as someone who firmly believes that people can choose whether or not to share their art with the world and no one else gets to decide that, I also believe that it's not wrong to want to have readers. Libraries and bookstores and art galleries and art sites and everything else - we connect to each other through art. It wouldn't exist if everyone just went, "Welp, I made the thing, good for me. Done!" And if someone is going to tell me that I should feel that way, I hope you keep all your writing and art to yourself. If not, I'd consider it a kindness to us both if you don't respond to this post through comments, DMs, or asks. Thank you. ;)

So onto the questions I'm seeking advice on.

How can I overcome the shame of posting writing for about 14 years and still barely getting readers? (But often getting a lot of critique?)

I've been in writing circles, reading and cheering on others, and they read one anothers' writing, but I'm frequently passed over/ignored - and that's the kinder response. I've been told that I'm there for my support only, that I'm not a good enough writer myself, that my characters are all the same.

How does one keep posting links to their published work or AO3 chapters/works, when they never get any likes or reblogs across several websites?

When friends have done nothing but scold them for not being good at PR, when I'm just... I'm a writer, not a businessman. And I am trying, but even popular authors on social media have mentioned that word-of-mouth and boosting of their work on social media has impacted their success? That M*sk taking over one of those sites has negatively impacted their interactions and therefore their sales? (Wouldn't this mean they also suck ass at PR? xD)

Am I supposed to believe I have a chance, when even established authors are struggling?

I don't like myself very much, and I'm ashamed of level of skill, even though I enjoy writing so much I can't help but always want to do it. I can't help but create stories and get excited about writing them down. There are even times I feel like I've made progress. Gotten better as a writer.

But it's so hard not to end up letting other people make me feel ashamed.

It's true I shouldn't listen to those people, but why have they been so many, and why is the positivity always so few and far in-between? Maybe if it was one voice in one-hundred, but what if it's twenty voices out of thirty? What am I to believe then? When even friends clearly have no faith in my works and don't want to be seen associating with it?

I wanted to be a published writer. I wanted to make a little bit of an income on writing, so I'd have reason to do what I love even more.

But I've spent most of my life feeling like a fool who keeps humiliating himself. Who wonders if the truth is that I'm worse at writing than even I'm willing to admit.

I had one story that "took off" on AO3, but even that lost readers by the end, and no one is interesting in anything I have created before or since then.

And that story... I've been editing it heavily and even added chapters, and I'm like, "I should post the new version sometime" but I'm convinced no one even wants it. (And I'd have to do it for free, and I can't afford to do things for free. I just got on medicaid finally and went to a food pantry last week and keep applying for help, and I have to wait until April to see a doctor to get critical help for my multiple health issues that might make my ability to work even harder. I broke down and crocheted stock for a table this month, and the pain in my wrist is excruciating, and the pain my heart that I can't spend half that time making personal passion projects with something I only want to do as a hobby is even more excruciating. So no, not every story of mine can just be churned out for free.)

Anyway, thank you for reading and your time, and if you have legitimate advice/answers/support... I could use it. I could use it more than ever. 

[calamarispiderart]

on the topic of dreams like. do your dreams ever give you fake memories? like going somewhere completely impossible that doesnt exist and thinking "oh yeah, i remember going here in kindergarten". like, nothing in my dreams ever seem strange because in the dream thats how its always been

this ask is most certainly years old by now, but i suddenly want to answer it because i initially misread it to be talking about fake dream memories that carry over into real life. this is something i get ALL THE TIME. its been a thing on some level in the past but its been happening a lot more lately and its infuriating, especially when the false memories involve other people.

i frequently dream about people saying certain things and dont realise that wasnt actually said until a while later (eg ive dreamt of someone saying they were planning on doing something which i then expected irl to happen for a month, i dreamt someone asked me to do something for them, someone told me something about themselves etc etc), and i dream about having certain obligations or doing certain tasks... sometimes i make an art piece in a dream or make a call that ive been planning to do, in the dream, and then get confused hours or even days later when it turns out those things didnt actually happen... its SO ANNOYING!!!!!

does anyone else get this im wondering? certainly they do, or else i wouldnt be experiencing it myself (no experience is truely unique) but does anyone whos specifically read this post have these pseudo-memories from dreams that carry over into real life so vividly and cleanly? and if so whats it like for you?

also yes to your original ask anon; in my dreams i am basically always thoroughly convinced of all details and premise in the dreams. i believe this is common for most people who dream! i do occasionally and with frequency have thoughts and acknowledgements within the dream that it is a dream, and this is typically the thing that would pull one into lucidity, but ive actually been banned from lucid dreaming so it never gets further than that and i remain convinced that the impossible false details of the situation are pure honest reality

thank u for the ask!

[thepals]

Intro post to explain our chaos ig. 

This account is run by multiple people, all of us are minors currently. We do have a system to indicate whos posted what, we all have a name and an emoji/symbol we will be using on this acc, at least one of which will be found either in the actual post or the tags for each post (hopefully,, we might forget sometimes)

Anyways, individual intros time ✨️

—------------------------------------------

Name: Hyacinth.

Emoji/symbol: 🪻

Pronouns: it/its + any neos

Main topics: idk dude, we yap about the most random things atp

We mostly post on our personal side blog, @hyacinthcollective instead of on here

Fun facts abt me: we're a system with low amnesia and we were just, told by our brain, no digging had to happen for discovery (we are the safest we've been for maybe our entire lives rn so the brain decided we could know about the cool trick it pulled to ensure survival when we were small and scared)

—------------------------------------------

Name: Fizz

emoji/symbol: 🗝️

Pronouns: he/they

Main topics: uhhhh.. anything helluva verse related basically

Fun facts abt me: I don’t know know anything about myself uhh is that weird??

—------------------------------------------

Name: Hermes

Emoji/symbol: 📜

Pronouns: Any/All (Including neos, etc)

Main topics: Psychology(Misunderstood/stigmatised/unknown/etc experiences mainly!!), plurality/system related topics, (Sometimes)Some games(Commonly Stardew Valley!!), and probably more - Feel free to ask me about any of these!! Currently - Total Drama, for some reason (Especially Mike and his DID)

Fun facts abt me: I don't really have an identity, like anything at all, my personality and how I identify changes up occasionally. Also, I am a diagnosed autistic, very supportive of self diagnosis, and generally am just very chatty with other autistics!! I am also possibly a P-DID system, so uh yeah

—------------------------------------------

Name: Teeth / Eli

emoji/symbol: 🌹

Pronouns: He/They/It/Spiral

Main topics: Psychology, DID topics, Camp here & There, TMA, TMagP, Paranormal things & The bands Ghost and Sleep Token :]

Fun facts abt me: Host of a DID system and just a goofy goober :D

—------------------------------------------

Name: Addie

emoji/symbol: 🐾

Pronouns: She/They/It

Main topics: Old Web, The Magnus Archives, Art Stuff, idk just whatever

Fun facts abt me: I wear sunglasses frequently and have many vampiric tendencies…

—------------------------------------------

Name: Roach

emoji/symbol:🐀

 Pronouns: Ze/Entity/He/It

Main topics: Art٫fashion٫ punk/goth alternative styles in general٫ ace attorney٫ sally face/indigames (i don't know that many) and some animes ( I also don't know that many)

Fun facts abt me:

✨certified ~~weirdo~~ coool guy🤘😎🔥✨

✨People scare me✨

—------------------------------------------

[enter-the-phantom]

I see “Touch grass” and “chronically online” used way too often to refer to people with valid concerns about discrimination or social justice issues and I think we need to use it more to refer to people who see malicious intent in every single innocuous thing they come across online.

This is largely a problem with social media frequented by young folks, like TikTok is the big one, but I’m seeing it more and more everywhere and it can’t just be me paranoidly second-guessing everything they post now in case someone attacks them for it. And I’m not talking about being allowed to make racist or transphobic jokes, I’m talking about actual innocuous shit.

Make an amateur drawing of someone with physical characteristics or a hair texture that you’re not familiar with drawing yet? You’re at best too lazy to improve your art and at worst a deliberate racist or body-shamer.

Unknowingly use a sound or song in a video that’s been formerly used or made by problematic people? You’re sexist/racist/what-have-you by accidental association.

Post a video of your pet doing something funny (with you monitoring them ready to step in)? You’re at best an irresponsible pet owner and at worst a deliberate animal abuser harming your best friend for like 20 views.

I’ve never felt comfortable posting on sites frequented by younger generations, and I think it’s because I’m so freaked out by the way they see intentional and malicious harm in literally everything. It’s why I don’t do the cute trend videos or attempt to draw anything or anyone other than skinny white men with conventional features or do anything authentic in open online spaces, because I don’t want to be harassed by 14-year old armchair activists who are ready to bombard me with accusations if my amateur art isn’t perfect or if I accidentally use the wrong sound or if my cat does something that they’ll see as “animal abuse”.

One of my best friends posted a video of their toddler playing with a balloon in his playpen, fully supervised. My very responsible and wonderful parent of a bff was literally right there watching him—obviously, since they took the damn video. The TikTok division of CPS went ballistic on them for endangering their son. It was ridiculous.

I posted a video of my cat dipping his paw in my hot chocolate and licking it off. I let him do it a couple of times because it was cute, sue me, and then said something to him, knowing my voice would probably be enough to stop him. My cat knows he isn’t supposed to touch human food and drink and will get his nose flicked if he does (because I actually do know that a lot of human ingredients—yes, including chocolate—are toxic), so when he heard me he backed off and pretended to be innocently washing his paws. It was hilarious. The folks with WebMD Pets degrees were all over me.

Later tonight while editing a video I literally stopped and went “huh, maybe I should reshoot this entire ending because the way I’m holding Sev in this shot looks like his bottom isn’t being supported and I don’t want to be yelled at for supposedly distributing his weight wrong”, and then I thought to myself, “wait, this isn’t normal and I didn’t use to be this anxious over every little thing I post.”

I cannot be the only person experiencing this kind of weird anxiety.

Can we stop assigning malicious intent or cruelty or even ignorance to everything we see and just try to assume that most people do in fact know what they’re doing and start giving people the benefit of the doubt? Believe it or not, you are probably not the only one privy to common knowledge and most people aren’t stupider than you and don’t need to be told that what they’re doing is wrong, all the time. You are not the holder of all knowledge. Hard pill to swallow but most people are just as intelligent as you, some even more so.

I know we live in a world where our morality is hyper-scrutinized and we feel like we have to perform Goodness by making other people look Bad. But not everything you see is an announcement of someone’s morals, and not everything is invitation to announce your Goodness to the world at the expense of someone else just being.

Just go touch grass. Seriously.

[parker-d-bloodrose]

Holy shit I had a dream about me going out on a bike on my own to do a painting somewhere for some sort of art collective zine and then submitting it and then coming home a few days after leaving it with my mom and stepdad only to find they'd chopped pieces of my painting's frame off to support their painting, while reshaping my own.

Naturally I was incredibly upset about this in my dream and i expressed this frustration with them both. The art collective at least liked my writing about the painting so much that they held up publication verifying it was original text.

As I'm typing this up I'm thinking about how this applies on an emotional/metaphorical level with how my mom treated me up until the point i cut her out of my life. She'd take the parts of me she wanted and used them to reframe me as the kind of child she thought I should be, all the while ignoring the core of who I was or am. She told me I was the more computer inclined type. I don't know why. Maybe because I could type quickly. Anyway the point is, she spent decades of my life telling me something despite all the evidence contrary to it - every time i tried to do computer programming it wouldn't stick in my brain. If the reason she thought I was more computer inclined was because my ability to type quickly and well, then she ignored the reason I developed that skill. That is, I have written in a word processor for approximately 24 years now. I know my way around a keyboard. I also used to roleplay in a live chat environment frequently. So i was constantly typing. I'm actually less computer inclined than my younger sibling who she said was extremely mechanically inclined. My sibling is physically much larger than me in every way. And they support themselves doing freelance 3D modeling and shit for video games.

This past year I've discovered that I actually do like working on cars (I still don't think we should live in a car centric society but that's an entirely different post), and that furthermore I find mechanical work that i do with my hands much easier than I thought I would. I've been able to look at parts of a door on a slot machine and almost perfectly understand how it's supposed to work. My favorite thing at work is building locks. It's tedious but enjoyable. My boss thinks I'm a weirdo because of that. But i just really, really fucking like working on locks. My dream job actually is working on bicycles as a bike mechanic.

This isn't even getting into gender shit. I'm not going to go all into it for obvious reasons, but she couldn't accept for the longest time that her children are gender deviant and have a different understanding of themselves than the one she pictured of us growing up. She was trying because my uncle made her try the last time he talked to her, but I'm not sure whether she's regressed or not because I don't talk to her anymore.

Anyway all of this is just to say: my parents don't get to decide me and I'm allowed to be a person with my own vision of myself. I am a new blank canvas and i can paint and shape myself the way i want to.

[wistfulvulpine]

so my depression has gotten bad enough that I'm constantly talking myself down (doing it as I type ✌), and remembering that the wizard book lady would live longer than me if I did it kinda snapped me out of it. sort of. those kinds of thoughts aren't easy to dispel lmao but I suppose spite helps a little. (reminder I will feel unsafe at positive/references to the wizard book series)

honestly idk what happened in my brain to make me suddenly fear going onto social media. I literally would post the rare art then bounce. like, I didn't check tumblr, twitter, bsky, or discord (the last one rarely). the only "social" site i frequented was twitch??? but even then i only chat in two or so channels... more than the last few months ig

I suppose it did me some good that I didn't get upset at random things as much, but it felt bad that this mental block kept me from even checking for the good parts (arts, mutuals, funny posts etc) every time I told myself I was going to use this site again (which is my main socmed atp) something in my heart stopped me and made me anxious for no reason at all. guess that's just how mental illness goes. no other explanation.

I also can't help but be afraid I've burn out on art again, or it's general apathy halting my movement. my head has been messed up for months and I just have to push through 🤷‍♂️ maybe I have to simplify how I draw even further...? idk, I'm still collecting screenshots for my merlin ss redraw so maybe that'll break me out of my funk

not gonna promise anything in case that scares me out of coming on, but I'll make an effort to stop being afraid to come online again. apologies and much appreciation to everyone who's still with me o7

on a lighter (?) note, local dragon age fan unable to play new dragon age because his rig is Not enough to run it (can't run Yakuza and the best it can do is Hades), fan falls to his knees in Walmart...good thing I don't mind spoilers here since I can't play