#i thought the riff was funny and wanted to know how to play it to annoy my sisters

[crafto2007]

anyways. pretty sure i just found the objectively worst midi file ever.

[zer0wzs]

𝙞𝙙𝙤𝙡

wherein jason becomes the rockstar's gf jason todd x gn!rockstar!reader wc: 1432

AN :: there is an mcr and a fob reference here and both keep staring at me like a sore thumb

For a split second, your mind wanders off. Suddenly, you’re thinking about how you didn’t have a clue as to how Jason puts up with you.

Between the late-night practices and you cooping yourself in the studio all day, You feel like you don’t give him enough of your time. Somehow, though, he pushes through, and he makes it work. He meets you halfway. He said he wouldn’t trade you and your dreams for the world. 

He’s funny. You love him.

Your mind snaps back to where you once were—on the stage. You feel a ringing in your head as you feel heat radiating off your body. The colorful lights blind you. Your shoulders hurt like hell from the weight of the guitar, and you feel winded as your lack of breath control and the previous song had knocked all the air out of you.

Despite all your qualms, though, you love doing this. The adrenaline courses through your blood and comes a rush you find for almost every night. 

“Alright! You guys having fun so far?” The crowd cheers, buzzing with energy and alcohol in their veins. 

You skim over through the faces in front of you. Some are ones you’ve seen before. They tend to attend your sets regularly, but many, though, were faces you didn’t recognize. 

Most of all, however, you see Jason with a friend by his side, quickly catching your brief gaze on him. He stands right beside the platform of the tiny performing venue. He gives you a nod with a straight face. 

You feel a surge of excitement just from his gaze on you, and you feel that energy course through your blood.

“Keep that energy up! We’re not finished just yet!” 

As your bandmates adjust their effects, retune their instruments, and do one last mixing of sound for your closer, you regain your sense of clarity amongst the smell of booze that lingers throughout the venue. You shortly shot Jason a smile and a nod before readjusting your mic and redirecting your focus to the crowd.

“Now, before we sign off, I wanna thank you all for seeing us tonight. I really hope you guys enjoyed our set.” The crowd quiets down, almost dead. You take it as a sign to get it going again. “But come on now—let’s get this on!”

You breathe in once, breathe once out. It’s the first time you’re debuting this song. You rehearsed for this, but you doubt it's enough. You're scared you’ll blank out in the middle of the song, then fill it with random riffs. You’re scared you’ll sing the demo version and forget your final. You’re scared you might just not do the song any justice.

It’s the final song of the final night of your tour. You were not in the mood to mess this up.

Yet you pause for a moment. How much more in love could you be? Because suddenly, your thoughts are filled with him to calm yourself.

You catch him in the corner of your eyes once more, and you faintly hear a ‘Woo!’ from his direction.

Hell, this final song is about him.

He’s heard it, but he has no idea that you’re playing it tonight.

“Do you want to live forever?” You ask the crowd as the instruments start to set themselves up. “Sing this with me then.”

The song gradually swells, with the drums and bass starting out the song, looping the intro for a few rounds before the guitars join in. You harmonize with the main melody of the song, making up riffs as you go.

You feel yourself building the song, getting into the zone, and even doing a call and response because why the hell not? 

Before you let the performance take over, you quickly slip in a “This one’s for him. Hi, Jay.” You look in his direction and wave.

He’s awestruck, enchanted.

You see him quickly follow your gaze and smile. You seem to have caught him off-guard. You’re sure he’s picked up on the instruments and the vocals. He’s smart, far smarter than you. You’re sure he knows what you’re about to play.

The song ends as fast as it starts. You forget that sometimes when you perform on stage, it’s like you’re on autopilot. This was precisely that, but in the best way possible. You feel your body carry the work while your mind can sit back and watch the scene. For a split second, you even ran closer to the crowd during the final break to hold them, grab on your arm.

Everything had passed by so quickly that you couldn’t even register that it was over. Not until the crowd began to mellow down, but not without an applause.

“Thank you all so much!” You smiled and waved goodbye before your roadies rushed to the stage to gather your equipment.

You look over to the side to find Jason. He’s gone, but that’s more than alright. You figured he rushed to help with fixing the equipment, seeing his size and all. It’s something he often does when he watches your shows.

You feel your throat run dry. Maybe it’s time to steep some tea.

You high-five your bandmates before exiting the stage.

—

You didn’t quite grapple with the reality of just how exhausted and thirsty you were until you stepped off the stage. The world felt more than just shaky, so you found yourself leaning over some table in the back, chugging as much water as you could. The tea can wait.

You could faintly hear your bandmates hyping each other up and giving each other even more high fives. You stood by the sidelines, watching them and laughing at their antics. God knew you were too drained to even think about joining them.

Still, by the corner of your eye, you see a tall figure standing next to you. 

You’re always more than happy to talk to him.

“Well, hi, you.” You greeted, happy to see him.

In great contrast to your bubbly self, your boyfriend was more… frozen. He was silent, just looking at you with the biggest smile on his face. It wasn’t the first time he’d watched you play live, so you figured that the debut of the song was what made him so giddy at this moment.

As he stood there before you, you saw him in better lighting for the first time tonight after your show. You saw the sweat perspiring from his forehead to his neck and the sweat collected on his shirt. You basked in the light that framed his face from the side, but it accentuated those bright eyes of his. You take note of that smile that he’d been wearing even before your show. It only seemed to grow bigger as the night passed by. 

Fuck, he really is beautiful. You think you may not ever get enough of him.

Finally, after a few moments of radio silence, he spoke. “Shit, babe.”

“Uhuuuh?” You found yourself giggling at him.

He’s really cute. You’re in love with him.

“You guys were amazing. I can’t believe my partner is a rockstar.” Practically stars in his eyes.

“Why, thank you.” You felt yourself warming up to the hand that finds your cheek.

“You also played the song!” The hand holding your head up gently tenses with his excitement. You can’t help but laugh at him.

“Yes, we did.”

“Your closer’s always Saturday. Why’d you guys change it?”

That’s for many reasons. For one, you wanted this final night to be special. It was the last date of your best-selling tour yet. You had to do something else.

Then again, you could’ve chosen any other song that hasn’t or even rarely gets played live.

“Well, it’s not always you watch my shows—with your whole thing and our usual tour dates and locations—so I really wanted to do something special.” You hummed, leaning further into his touch. ”It’s almost your birthday anyway.”

“My birthday is still in, like, three months.” 

You shrug. “It’s never too early to celebrate.”

“That’s the length of an entire season, quierde. I think it’s still early.”

“That means there’s only more gifts to come, yeah?” He half-heartedly murmurs something in agreement. 

There's a comfortable silence between the two of you.

“Love?” You called.

“Hmmm?”

You got on your tiptoes, balancing your weight on his shoulders, and gave him a peck on the lips, yet as you set yourself down, you felt him sweep you off your feet to return the kiss.

Your tea can wait a little longer.

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Candy Girl 4

Warnings: this fic will include elements, some dark, such as cheating, age gap, noncon/dubcon, and other untagged triggers. Please take this into account before proceeding. It is up to curate your online consumption safely.

Summary: as you’re about to take the next step with your boyfriend, doubts begin to arise. (short!plus!reader)

Characters: Thor (boyfriend’s dad/silverfox)

Author’s Note: Please feel free to leave some feedback, reblog, and jump into my asks. I’m always happy to discuss with you and riff on idea. As always, you are cherished and adored! Stay safe, be kind, and treat yourself. <3

After a quick flight, both thankful to Thor and embarrassed that he witnessed his son’s behaviour, you don’t know if you ever want to go back. As much as you love Magni, you’re not sure if it’s worth it. He never seems to want to do anything but play video games or sex. The latter remains a touchy subject for both of you. 

You’ll let Magni cool off, and yourself. 

This isn’t the end. You would know if it was. You send him your usual texts. Good mornings, good nights, and check in when you can. His lack of response isn’t unusual. He’s probably playing around with his bike again. You wonder if he’s figured out how to put it back together yet. 

The days pass in a blur. You have work to keep you busy. With summer in full swing, you have more than enough driving around to do. 

Between deliveries, your mind wanders. You’ll have to talk to him face-to-face, get this sorted out. You're not mad at him. It was a bad morning and a strange night. You can move past it. Right? 

You grab the next order and check the address as you get in your front seat. Huh, it’s in Magni’s neighbourhood. Maybe you can swing by and surprise him. 

You turn the engine and blast your stereo. Rihanna pumps from the speakers, a bit scratchy, but still a bop. You hunch over the wheel as you follow the rush hour traffic, tapping the breaks as you crawl along. Finally, you get to a turn off and dip down some side streets.  

You turn down the A/C as the car begins to shake. You don’t use the air much, your old beater doesn’t much like any extra stress. You turn down the volume and give an anxious look to the venting in the hood. That’s not smoke, you’re just imagining things. 

Before the job, you couldn’t tell left from right but now the whole city is imprinted in the back of your head. You know which orders to make quickly and ones where you can leave the car unlocked while you run up to the door. Magni’s is the latter. 

You roll down the avenue lazily and come up before a big white house, squinting at the number on the front door. You get out and stretch, just a few more hours. You grab the insulated bag and the paper bag with the cans of soda. You bounce up the front steps and balance it all as you ring the bell. 

You wait, glancing around at the lush greenery. It’s kind of lame to dream of living in a place like this. Basic, your friends tease, but you just want to know what it’s like. Maybe it’s just as bad as what you have, just painted up nice. 

You can’t really complain. You have a roof and food and job. Could be a lot worse. 

The door opens and jolts you from your internal turmoil. You blink and step back, once more looking around. You know for sure you didn’t go to the wrong house. Thor’s house isn’t even the same colour. So what is he doing there? 

“Ah, little one, I was hoping it would be you,” he booms. 

“Huh?” You make a dumb face. 

“I thought it’d be a fun surprise,” he grins, “my friend’s,” he points up then reaches into his back pocket, “they suggested pizza and I told them I knew just the place.” 

“Oh, wow, thanks,” you smile and unzip the bag. 

“Hmm,” he hums as he counts out bills, “funny, they got a little thing like you carrying around all that.” 

“Mr. Odinson,” you chirp, “I’m not that small.” 

“Suppose most people are too me,” he grins and holds out the money, “keep the change.” 

You accept the bills with the pizza against your hip and the paper bag on top. You blink dumbly at the folded bills. He can’t be serious. 

“Mr. Odinson.” 

“Thor,” he purrs. 

“Thor, er, I think you miscounted.” 

“I didn’t, I have generous friends,” he shrugs, “we put in together. Now,” he reaches to take the paper bag, “allow me to relieve your burden.” 

You gulp and tuck away the money. You finish unzipping the bag and slide out the pizzas. It’s awkward as the boxes are so big. He gets closer to help and you slide them right into his hand. As you finish unsheathing them, he steps back. 

“How about you have a slice before you go?” He offers, “you have much to go?” 

“Halfway through,” you fold the empty bag against your stomach, “that’s real nice, but they time us.” 

“Oh, too bad,” he nods, “well, I suppose I’ll see you... haven’t lately. Not that I can blame you.” 

“Oh, uh, I’ve been real busy,” you say, not a complete lie. Still, you have been avoiding it. 

“Yes, you work hard. Wish I could say the same of Magni.” 

“Sorry,” you frown. 

“Sorry? For him? He’s not your responsibility. Only myself to blame, I am his father,” he sighs, “anyhow, don’t let me keep you.” 

“Thanks again,” you try to brighten up. “I’m... I’m going to talk to Magni tomorrow. It's my day off.” 

“Ah, yes, well, I hope it isn’t a waste of time,” he resigns and gives a wave. 

He stays at the door as you turn away, his words ominous as they leave an unsettling flutter in your chest. You hop down the steps and open the back door of your car. You toss the empty bag inside and close it, getting in the front.  

You shove the key in the ignition and twist. The engine rumbles but doesn’t flip. You huff and try again, leaning your weight into the effort. As the motor kick, you look up to find Thor still watching you from the porch. 

The engine turns and you sigh in relief. As you go to shift into reverse, there’s a pop, then a bag, and several more noises. The exhaust puffs one last time and the engine dies. No! No! Not now baby. We made it so far. 

You get out as black smoke plumes around the edges of the hood and you hear a shuffle from the porch. Shoot, shoot, shoot. Thor puts the pizza down on the bench and hurries down to you. As if you haven’t embarrassed yourself enough in front of him. 

“You alright?” He asks. 

“Yeah, fine,” you pout, “I’m not worried about me.” 

“Hm, may I?” He gestures to the hood. You shrug. 

He pops it open and moves the stick to prop it up. He waves away the smoke and squints through it. You cross your arms and stand back. You wouldn’t know where to begin. 

“Hmm, lucky it wasn’t a full blown fire. Fuel lines are rotten,” he says and moves out of the path of the smoke. “One finally burst.” 

“Oh,” you mope, “no...” 

“Sorry, little one, it’ll need a professional.” 

“Uh, at least... I guess the tip will help with that,” you sniff, “but... I gotta work. What am I gonna tell Karl?” 

“Karl?” He echoes curiously. 

“My manager,” you utter, “and my parents...” You look at him, “sorry, this isn’t your problem.” 

“I would gladly take it on,” he assures you, “why don’t you call Karl, tell him you’re having some difficulties, you can’t finish your shift.” 

“Urgh,” you frame your forehead in frustration, “but...” 

“I know someone who can look at the car. I’ll give him a call.” 

“Oh gee,” you huff and turn your head up, dropping your hands. “This isn’t happening.” 

“Don’t worry, little one, I will take care of it. Please, it’ll be alright.” 

You look at him again. It isn’t his responsibility and you shouldn’t let him but you don’t have much of a choice. What else are you going to do? Borrow Magni’s broken motorcycle? 

“Right, I’ll... I’ll call my boss.” 

“Please, I don’t like to see you upset,” he says, “call him then have some pizza and I’ll take you to mine. You can make up with Magni, eh? At least that’s something.” 

“Thank you, Mr. Odinson,” you give a bittersweet smile, “really, you don’t have to do all that.” 

“Ah, but why wouldn’t I?” He winks and turns away, “Bucky!” 

He stomps up the steps and pulls open the door, the pizza forgotten on the bench. He calls the same name again and you take out your phone. At least Karl is a nice guy. He’ll let you make it up once you get your car running again. 

[nayanogs]

mha boys and their singing voices! includes: tenya iida, denki kaminari, hanta sero, hitoshi shinsou, neito monoma tw: none requested: no a/n: anddd we're back! prob gonna post every 3-4 days depending on requests, speaking of requests THEY ARE ALWAYS OPENNN

tenya iida is.. what everyone expects? - another uncontrollable vibrato person smh (I hate baritones) - it doesn't sound BAD it's just.. why are you singing anaconda with a full chest belt and hand signals - JK.. but in all seriousness he's very.. stuck? with his voice. - never tries riffs or anything that is in the higher or lower part of his range. probably doesn't even know what his range is because he never pushes himself - which is CRAZYYY bc he is literally mister pusher.. but when it comes to singing he unintentionally shuts himself in a box - with all that being said he's definitely a joy to have around during karaoke because he WILL give the performance of his life whilst throwing up his choppy hand signals like gang signs. denki kaminari is like the bi male chappell roan or something - tenor through and through but was too embarrassed to sing high and then decided that life is short and shame is stupid - SCREECHES. - he has SO MUCH POTENTIAL but doesn't take singing seriously at all (unless it's anything to do with jiro) - he really just likes to make people laugh and if he did theatre he'd probably end up with some funny role - discovered vibrato and thought he was dying and went to recovery girl, came back and told everyone he was diagnosed with talent - nobody laughed - range is more high since he talks like a gay pop icon (SORRY) and is OBSESSED with growling but always fails and has a voice crack hanta sero does NOT sing in Spanish and if you think that ihy - i'm a proud hater of the hispanic sero thing.. nah that boy is italian through and through and we can fight to the death idc - you know that song "i'm dreeeaming of a whiiite christmass" he sings that song at literally any opportunity and he's SO GOOD AT IT?? - weirdly obsessed with holiday songs.. and it's the only ones he's good at too LMAO - never belts and always uses chest voice.. one time he hit the top of his register and accidentally switched to falsetto and thought he had a voice crack - sings with MINIMAL vibrato all the time. you can BARELY hear it and he has no idea he's doing it - his range isn't anything crazy but he also doesn't sound like you can just define him as a tenor or a baritone or bass.. he's kinda good doing anything - not any insane high notes like midoriya. he has legit walked out on a duet with him because he was NOT about to embarrass himself hitoshi shinsou nervously laughs and pushes away the mic when it's shoved toward him, but when he finally picks it up.. - doesn't really like singing any particular genre but his voice is like.. - ryan mccartan.. as JD in heathers.. THAT'S how he sings - it's kinda comical because he adds all these little sassy facial expressions but he sings about death or quirk discrimination and then everyone gets all sad - seems like he has performance anxiety but really doesn't give a fuuuck - pretty decent at riffing but hates doing it because denki cheers extra loud and it embarrasses him - STRONGGG falsetto, he plays guitar in his bedroom and all bedroom guitar players have a strong falsetto - never ever practices ever bc he truly dgaf (unbothered king) - range DEF on the lower side, like on the line of baritone and bass which sounds SO good when he plays guitar UGHSDKFJ i bet y'all thought i was gonna forget neito monoma... - this man is a STARR - DEFINITELY was a theatre kid (he literally wanted to do a musical/play for the festival) so he's got those vocals downn - absolutely refuses to use falsetto because his is super weak and just sounds a little funky from all of his belting - the facial expressions, the body language.. he puts his whole monussy into this shit.. - him and midoriya would be SUCHH a power duo during karaoke but that never happens LMAO he's too up in his head about himself - high

[prince-toffee]

So, I rewatched the trailer over and over again, I stepped back, organised my thoughts, and I think I get it.

So first the Bad, then the GOOD, because there's actually a lot to like here.

The Bad:

So, the trend of companies kicking actual voice actors onto the curb and replacing them with celebrities continues. I remember being really angry when they first announced the voice cast, and I still am. It's quite literally the most boring, generic casting possible. You can not get much more white bread, milk toast than a Chris and Scar - I want to play an Asian woman and trans man - jo. Also, why is Chris Hemsworth here? Do he really need the money? Did Thor 4 damage his pockets that bad? There are so many talented voice actors that could've been Orion, David Kaye is a prime example Animated Optimus and Beats Wars/Unicron Trilogy Megatron, beloved by fans, if he was announced people would've been over joyed. I love Brian Tyree Henry, and he actually has some experience with va work as he voiced Jeff Morales in Spider-Verse, my original criticism still stands.... And Kegan, oh Kegan, I love you so much, Key and Peele was my childhood, and the Toad performance was perfectly fine, endearing even. But as Bee? I'm sorry, but no, that's not BumbleBee that's just actor/comedian Kegan Michael Key, I can't hear anything else. And it doesn't help that he's handed the worst lines.

Which brings us to the comedy. First impressions are EVERYTHING. And if you fumble that that hurts your film, and the perception of your film. I think that's really the problem here, it's a bad trailer not necessarily bad content. Packing the trailer with jokes for the sake of jokes and having that samey Hollywood liscensed music cringey feel to it. Like the guitar riff that played when the 'This Fall' card came up just made me turn off the video immediately. That's why I recommend watching the trailer without sound. Bee's jokes don't really land for me, I'm sure kids with love it tho, and that's good. But I'm sure all the jokes won't be bad, the final door gag is actually really funny. So I think it was just a bad joke that soured out feel of the tone at the beginning, which is unfortunate because like I said first impressions are everything. Because this is Josh Cooly, of Up, Inside Out, Toy Story 4 fame, I'm sure the film will have an emotional core to it.

A minor thing I don't much care for is having Bee be in the same age range as Orion, in my mind he's always constructed during the war at like the half way mark or near the end, he's the little brother of the group, and now he's old enough to remember Op and Megs before the war. Also he sounds way too old.

Oh, also I don't like Orion's personality.

Good:

Now for the good; I think the animations style is gorgeous. Would have I liked something Spider-Verse/Mutant Mayhem-esk, of course, but what are you gonna do? The stand out here is the environments, a visual feast. This might already be my favourite Cybertron, it's so different yet reminisant of the Cybertron we know. The fact that the surface transformers and shifts and changes is genius, very IDW Phase 2 inspired. And the fact that Cybertron is a techno-organic hybrid world ala Beast Machines is crazy! I love that, and wildlife! I bet that's how we get the cassettes. The character models are great too, you can actually tell what emotion is happening on a person's face. Gone are the days of faces being made up of razor blades and mandibles BECAUSE THEY'RE NOT INSECTS FUCK YOU MICHAEL BAY. THEY'RE PEOPLE! There's the nose, the lips, the eyes, and I can tell where one begins and ends. The eyes are gorgeous and detailed, and the face surface detail has smuges, wear, specs of dirt, metallic texture. Like, you nailed it! It's a person but a robot, you got it!

We see what we assume are the 13 Primes, Alpha Trion being the only survivor, maybe they were killed by the Quintessons and they took over. D-16, a ref to IDW and his toys designation in the toy catalogue, he'll obviously name himself after Megatronus ala TF Prime. He seems to have the Decepticon insignia before meeting The Fallen so maybe Megatronus' face is some sort of religious iconography, the Primes are a religion on Cybertron after all. It's all so fascinating, I can't remember the last time I was so excited to learn more about a new TF continuity.

Orion and D-16 are both miners and or workers, that's a refreshing take, no coptimus here. They've suffered the same way together, I bet story will be about dealing with that pain, what justice means, how far one is willing to take it and where justice stops and injustice begins. I know people are mad that the origins are a little different, but I ask you, different from what? Which continuity are you talking about? TF has never had a consistent singular timeline, and that's what I love about this franchise! It builds on itself with each new continuity! Take a bit of the old, mix it with new ideas and create something fresh, then that old guard leaves and a new team takes over and does the same and the franchise continues to evolve or should I say transform. Like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're gonna get, and new incarnations always give second chances to improve apon what came before. No Reboots, no risks means no Skybite, or Nemesis Prime, no Stasis Pods, Sparks, Protoforms, Energon ore, no Star Saber, Hot Shot, Knock Out, Airachnid, no All Spark, no Sari, no Bulkhead, no old grumpy Ratchet, none of that. Reboots are a part of this franchise's DNA. I sense the people that are complaining are the people who only value one continuity and discard all others.

It's really neat this universe's version of The Cast System is lower class worker protoforms being denied a Transformation Cog, it seems like it's reserved for the higher classes, the very thing that makes their species special and unique is denied to them. Also I didn't notice it the first time, but Alpha actually pulls the t-cogs out of the dead Primes which kind of signifies a passing of the guard, the old Primes failed, now it's your turn, and of course history repeats itself with the downfall of Megatron.

I like how Trion is covered and intertwined with moss and vines and has a beast mode, showcasing that he's of an older era now gone and forgotten.

Some other smaller stuff:

The sun looks like a holographic simulation, which makes me wonder, Cybertron doesn't usually have a sun, but there's plant life now, so what's up?

The cave that the dead Primes and Trion are in kinda looks like a Dweller.

Megatron's black helmet is a ref to Marvel G1.

That spin kick where Elita twirls her entire waist around is sooo satisfying. I love it.

AIRACHNID!!?!!!! MY QUEEN HAS RETURNED!!!!!!!

I think that's a good point to end on. So, yeah, v excited.

[punsmaster69]

20/JAN/20XX

thought we were done with snow for the year, and yet here we are.

papyrus is putting on snow boots after he charged out the door per usual, suddenly slipping and sliding across the sidewalk.

"you good, paps?"

"I'M ALRIGHT. BUT, HOW DID IT SNOW SO MUCH OVERNIGHT??"

"just cold enough, i guess."

sudden snow halts no training though; he's off to see undyne.

——

somehow frisk made their way over without cracking their head on the ice or smashing the keyboard they brought along in their backpack.

"didn't bring flowey with you today?"

"No. He wanted to stay with Mom."

"Flowey's a prick, anyway."

"pfft. hey. language."

"That's not a bad word."

"it totally is."

"No way."

"you've got a potty mouth."

(piano riff)

"Nuh uh."

"let me at this thing."

i struck a few off keys before frisk instantly proclaimed that i sucked, and then proceeded to play a speedy and only slightly messed up version of some pop song.

the kid's learning well from undyne and tori.

——

wow.

my first piano duet.

of course, i was given the easy long-note-holding part. and frisk entirely told me what to press and when.

still counts.

i'm a pianist now.

i'd let you listen, but that's hard to do through paper.

and i also didn't record it.

they want to play it with me for toriel later after some more practice.

——

can't say i'm real invested in this music stuff, so i don't know why i considered it at all when she offered me lessons.

maybe i've secretly got some pianist in me.

"jeez, did i suck that bad?"

"No, not at all. You did well."

"I was simply offering, if it's something you are interested in."

"......."

"nah, i'm more of a trombone guy."

thunking on a key on the keyboard, it made a canned drum sound effect.

"Alright. I'm always open if you change your mind."

"i'll 𝘬𝘦𝘺-p it in mind."

frisk clicked some buttons. the keyboard swapped from drums to random stock sfx.

it became utterly chaotic and loud very quickly.

why a piano needs a full keyboard's range of gun sound effects i have no idea, but it's pretty damn funny.

[kataiki]

Back in August of 2022, I went and got diagnosed with ADD at the age of 36. The diagnosis was a surprise to nobody and was largely just a formality, if I'm being honest.

It's kind of amazing what I got away with growing up with ADD. I felt like people just kind of let me do my thing and it just kind of worked out. It's funny thinking back on the habits I had that most people would be disciplined for.

I was drinking like 6-10 sodas a day like it's no big deal. My parents didn't think it was a problem because I was active (Dance Dance Revolution), was desperate to gain weight (120lbs at 5'10), and did well in school (graduated with honors). Looking back, I was definitely self medicating with caffeine, but like, so what?

I think I would've had a harder time if someone was like "no more soda for you!" without considering how it was helping me along without the need for prescription drugs. I also didn't like coffee at the time (before they became milkshakes), so I probably would've struggled.

I can't believe I got away with the fidget toys, the ones before they were called fidget toys. I think I always had some kind of toy in my hands, and for some reason the teachers let me keep them. Mind you, I went to Catholic school for most of my life. Discipline was paramount, and yet I was just... allowed to have my toys.

My favorite was a plastic... snake ball puzzle? I guess it's a "Rubik's Twist", but I got it out of a vending machine for like 50 cents and I loved it. It was small, quiet, and kept my hands occupied during class. It feels like the kind of thing that would get confiscated, but for some reason I was just allowed to play with it.

The worst toy I got was in high school when I discovered those kneaded gummy erasers. I sketched a lot during class (another thing I was allowed to do for some reason), but the eraser was a toy. I would sculpt things in the middle of class, and do stuff like roll out pieces to make flowers. My hands smelled like rubber, pencil lead, and dead skin all the time. It was awful and I loved playing with it.

Even in college, I had my DS out all the time. I got my minor in mathematics while going through Super Princess Peach and Mario Kart DS (twice, I lose my save at one point).

My friends were jealous of my ability to multitask, but that's the funny thing, right? I was only really able to do well because my brain was engaged in these "distractions", which gave room for all the learning to really be absorbed. It wasn't really that I was able to play and do schoolwork at the same time. It was more like... I'm only able to do schoolwork while I play. Play was necessary for learning, and for some reason I was always allowed to do that.

I remember in grade school, we had a poll in the class about "how much TV were we watching", I think it was in context of advertising or something. A lot of the kids were like 1 hour a day or a few hours a week. I asked if it counted if the TV was on while I was doing other stuff, and it did, so I clocked in at least 6-8 hours a day.

I love my mom and dad for just letting my sister and I to enjoy things. I think I always had a TV in my room, including a small 12" CRT with a VCR built into it. They didn't care what we watched, either. I think their thought was that they wanted us to learn English, but they didn't know how to teach it. They learned by watching TV, so they figured my sister and I could learn by doing the same.

I remember using my TV as an alarm by setting it to turn on automatically in the morning. The guitar riff from the Pokemon Theme Song is a great way to juice up your adrenaline every morning. 10/10, highly recommend.

It was the golden age of Edu-tainment, too. Everything from Seseme Street, Eureka's Castle, Mr. Roger's Neighborhood, Blue Clues, Captain Planet, Power Rangers, Animaniacs, etc etc was made for learning. It was mandated, and it was great. I kind of miss those days, especially when Cartoon Network turned into nothing but Gumball and Teen Titan's Go by the time I stopped watching them. There's a certain artistry in making learning fun in a way that doesn't feel like an animated classroom.

I just... don't know why all of this was allowed. Half a case of Soda a day. Video games during class. TV all day, every day. I feel like I'd be a suburban mother's nightmare, but I think it was what I needed. It's not like my parents knew anything about ADD, not that it mattered so long as the grades were good. They just let me go on auto-pilot while I jumped from interest to interest and enabled me when they could. Inadvertently, I think they did what I needed from them, even if it was against the grain of what everyone else thought would be "healthy parenting".

[mywifeleftme]

364: Various Artists // Israfel

Israfel Various Artists 1997, Ape

A 1997 vinyl benefit compilation of mostly Middle American grindcore / powerviolence / emo acts, assembled in an edition of about 1000 by Bloomington-based DIY label Ape Records (active 1995 to 2002), in handmade sleeve with a recent release catalogue, a substantial zine, and a few priceless gag inserts (incl. YOUR HARDCORE SELL OUT DECODER RING). I’m not an aficionado of any of the genres Israfel covers by any means, but you’d have to be a real head to know most of these: in terms of notoriety, the Locust (who contribute a 47 second blast of lo-fi outrage) are basically Led Zeppelin compared to the rest of the acts, most of whom topped out with a couple of EPs and compilation appearances.

Of course, hearing music that would otherwise be basically lost to time is the appeal of taking a flyer on a comp like this. One of my favourite tracks is “Untitled” by Roanoke, VA’s the Weak Link Breaks, supposedly the first thing the band ever wrote (and, judging from their discography, nearly the last too). It begins with a very, very quiet spacy-Fugazi-style amble (the vocal harmonies couldn’t be more Ian and Guy) that explodes into a brief screamo-style D-beat section, and then some big heaving riffs that make me want to exaggeratedly lift and stomp my feet like a giant trying to keep his balance. I also dig Murfreesboro, TN’s Serotonin, an emo / post-hardcore act with a steely '80s shred band guitar tone who play like they want people in the pit to twirl around ecstatically instead of slam dancing. A lot of the other nasty yowling cat speedballs on Israfel don’t really catch my ear, but that’s okay—I’m weirdly proud of them 27 years after the fact for being themselves and getting out whatever they needed to get out through this violence.

The package’s tone is all over the place. The zine opens with a haunting description of the compilation’s beneficiaries, the family of a pair of little girls with spinal muscular atrophy (a common birth defect) whose condition worsened until they perished, leaving their parents distraught and financially ruined—and the 21-year-old compiler racked with guilt that he didn’t somehow do more to help. From there, it whips through his heterodox thoughts about the hardcore scene (despicably self-absorbed; unresponsive to requests from label operators); the state of emo (too abstract); the best way to bring about change (working within the capitalist system); rape (it’s bad; consent is black and white; can we stop litigating this in the scene?); calling the cops (fine to do); disrespecting the American flag (played out; tacky); and drinking/drug use (“when did self-destruction become rebellion?”). After he finishes up, each band (that got their artwork in on time anyway) gets a page to talk about themselves. This section is full of old school punk zine/leaflet treasures, with designs that mimic motel newspaper ads, postcards, messy handwritten perzines, and Xeroxed 7” grindcore sleeves.

It's funny reading his scornful words about pseudo-rebellious drunkards stumbling toward “the day when punk rock is shelved for an 8 hour workday, Budweiser, and television” and then finding his LinkedIn, where he describes himself as “driving omnichannel excellence” and as “whimsical (after coffee).” You wouldn’t believe it from the splenetic angst of the Israfel zine, but the guy seems like he turned out happy and normal, with a few kids and a successful career. I wonder how the 21-year-old would see the 48-year-old, if he’d call him a sell-out or feel relieved that things worked out; if the 48-year-old would pity his former self, or feel ashamed about losing his edge. More one-time zinesters and hardcore kids end up looking square from a distance than you’d think (I certainly do if you catch me during the workday), because you usually stop hearing about them when they drop out of the scene. For most, the quiet part of life is the larger portion by far. It’s your choice whether to embrace that, mourn it, or seek your own alternative. But if Israfel reminds us of nothing else, it’s the importance of having a good scream at least once in your life.

364/365

[extraordinaryhistories]

#2 – 'A Winner Needs a Wand' (A Sun Came, 1998)

There is an alternate universe somewhere out there where Sufjan Stevens becomes an indie rock musician of the Pavement or Modest Mouse variety – all rough and ready (but not truly heavy) guitars, shambolic drums, tense chord progressions and grim lyrics gesturing at deeper meaning that no quantity of relistens will ever unlock. In this universe, he is not very popular. But we get a glimpse of it throughout A Sun Came, an album that tries to be a million different things at once and seems to fail (sometimes charmingly, sometimes not) at many of them.

‘A Winner Needs a Wand’, somewhat uncommonly, is actually quite successful at that sound. It is in many ways the harder-edged twin of ‘We Are What You Say’. While that song is still entrancing in an obscure, mystical sort of way, there is very little trance in ‘A Winner Needs a Wand’. The drums are bashed, the guitar is loud, and the song’s heart is quite literally ripped out, musically-speaking – you’ll only find power chords in its riff, a series of unsettling back-and-forth lurches on an acoustic guitar that give the song an almost grunge-like character. Of course, Sufjan being Sufjan, the fiddles, flutes and mournful piano lines prevent that comparison somewhat (the more antiquated instruments seem to be here for no other reason than Sufjan... knows how to play them.) But throw that riff on an electric guitar and turn the distortion up to full. It is remarkably authentic, and remarkably listenable. ‘A Winner Needs a Wand’, even despite its 5/4 trickery, is a bona fide rock-out.

‘A Winner Needs a Wand’ was written in the days before Sufjan emerged nearly overnight as a pop master, and so there isn’t much in the way of a chorus here. The song shifts through multiple sections, multiple melodic ideas, and shockingly – for this stage of Sufjan’s development – almost all of them work. The motif that dominates the first handful of verses snakes around the 5/4 groove with a surprising effortlessness, but I am particularly enamoured with the melody attached to the ‘never want to blame you’ sections, sung by Sufjan and Marzuki vocalist Shannon Stephens. It sort of shoots up into the air, dives down a little, and then shoots up immediately again, perfect for the climactic moments in which it appears. (The ‘tries to make you’ section at the end feels like an attempt to recapture that particular lightning in a bottle, and it sort of succeeds, but barely.)

There are a lot of words in this song, every one of them oblique. We can try to break them down, but we would only get so far. Unlike ‘We Are What You Say’, ‘A Winner Needs a Wand’ is singular, not plural – ‘I’ and ‘me’ abound, in a more conventional Sufjan style of lyrical confessionalism. But there is definitely another person in this narrative. There are references to conflict and to unmet expectation; Sufjan cannot deliver on the responsibilities vested on him by the other (‘There’s still nothing you can do to exchange my dues to you’). It is very possible to read ‘A Winner Needs a Wand’ as a eulogy to a failed relationship, if one is so inclined. There are the hints of sex (the titular ‘wand’ being a particularly clear phallic symbol, as well as the invocation of an epicene) and of emotional torture. But then you hear him sing ‘like the fennel seed, the funny gene you found’ and ‘that fits me like a quarter door, that hits me like a sound’ and you begin to wonder whether the granular interpretation is worth it. There are themes here, but a clear narrative? Much less so.

And in any case, it is perfectly possible to enjoy ‘A Winner Needs a Wand’ (or any Sufjan song, really) without a single thought given to that narrative, because this is one of the most musically compelling songs on A Sun Came, a full-band workout quite unlike anything else you will find in Sufjan’s career. It is not triumphant or contented – it brims with anguished tension – but it remains consonant, and that’s the space where Sufjan works best. An early success; still a little belaboured, but endearingly so. The day Sufjan mashes this up with ‘All Good Naysayers’ in a live performance is the day I die happy.

[punk-in-docs]

Okay I'm coming in hot for director's cut - so sorry if you've already answered this, but I'm curious how "Pencils" came to be in your mind / I'd love to hear any thoughts you have about this series.

- @superblysubpar 💛

Thank you for the ask @superblysubpar I’m coming in slow AF with my answer. Sorry about that babes. Been a helluva week. This ask made me smile though-

As far as Pencil’s nickname is concerned, I can tell you that it comes from a very innocent and a very sweet place; I simply believe that they first met/ knew of each other/ were in each others orbit/ in one class back in middle school.

Eddie being the scrungly non conformist metal baby that he was back then, probably didn’t care to come equipped for class, and then he gets sat behind this cool girl in scruffy jeans and too big plaid and sneakers, always humming cool songs and sending a withering glare at the empty headed preppy kids en route to high school stardom, when they picked on anyone (him mostly)

He doesn’t know why he does it. Maybe he’s looking for an olive branch, but either way he asks this cool girl in front of him, on the first day of class if he can borrow or steal a Pencil.

And she smiles, and says sure and hands him one. No problem.

Every class she smiles when he lopes in late and slips behind her. Every time he asks for one despite having several in his bag he plays dumb, just because of the rush of talking to her. Better than any sugar rush or sabbath riff.

He wants to approach her outside class, but he constantly sees her with this popular girl glued to her side as she rambles on about boys. He scuffs his converse and lets his courage shrink. Maybe pulls clownish stunts to see her laugh. And it all goes into distant orbit of being aware of each other by the time high school comes around. Aware but distanced.

Then, one fateful night, years and years and many grades later, he’s just done a deal with an asshole jock in the woods at Kyle whatshisnames party, and when he steps back onto the green green lawn, to scurry along home, imagine his shock when he finds that same girl, primped and partied up in a poppy outfit-

Pretty as ever too. So so pretty.

He’s never forgotten Pencil girl. Pencils. the nickname snapped out his mouth then with fervour and a toothy grin. Pencils. Always holding one in class. Doodling away. Drawing the shape and shading on hands or pill bugs or flowers and weird dogs and buildings and streets on the margins of her books or legal pads. The artist through and through.

Wants to study it one day, she said. Draw and draw til her fingers drop off. Draw comics and stage sets and paintings-

He’s never forgotten her small acts of kindness where everyone else had slung venom. Passed him answers on little torn scraps of paper for the pop quiz. Lend him pencils when he needed them. Or an eraser. Or stifled a laugh when he said something funny to frustrate the teacher.

She’s sat there, on this lawn chair, drunk probably, and there’s evidence of tears under her eyes and she’s just small and all alone, and he just, he can’t have that. He can’t leave it like that.

This time Eddie puffs his chest up and grins, eyes dancing bright, this time, the chance seems way too good to let slip through his fingers.

He can’t look away now he’s seen her. This is fate. It’s destiny even. If this shit show called life could ever hand him something kind and good, then here it is baby. Lit up in flashing gold tulip bulb lights like a goddamned broadway theatre.

Don’t miss this one again, kid. Hope don’t come knocking twice.

He cracks his knuckles. He boldly goes to see if she remembers him.

Here goes nothin, Munson-

[petty-crush]

“Barbie” (2023)

-a big budget, pop art, visually interesting film with a vibrant personality. I love it!

-also, easily the best use of Ryan Gosling since “Drive”

-I’m truly impressed with what Greta Gerwig got away with here.

+she crammed this with energy and made me hearty laugh the whole time

-the story is Barbie discovering sadness, the real world, clashing with the patriarchy, and just the wonderment of being a woman

-there’s a couple small details I want to highlight before the big stuff

-Kate McKinnon’s look is almost certainly inspired by the awesome cult film “Liquid Sky”, another tone poem of a film

-the small, tender scene of Barbie telling the old woman (at the bus stop) she’s beautiful, and said woman saying “I know” with a vicious smirk is magical

+it says just as much as the soon to be famous “being a woman is impossible” monologue in its own beautiful warmth

-the opening riff on “2001: A Space Odyssey” is the film personified; irreverent, playing with greatness, funny, colorful, and just a blast

-(after a man notes he is not part of the board) “I’m a guy with no power...does that make me a woman?

-I like how there are two matrix tributes; picking between two choices/shoes (original) and the at first mysterious Ruth being the Oracle (“Reloaded”)

-“after I found out the patriarchy didn’t include horses, I honestly lost interest”

-alright then, onto the big pillars

-here is a film saying, with all earnestness and actual thought, that we should approach our hearts with collectivism, bond over our shared yearns and desires and messiness

-(only a scold could say this film excludes love, a scold who didn’t actually watch the film and just wants any kind of attention)

-Margot Robbie nails every bit, from first thinking about dying, to discovering tears, to making Barbie’s naïveté to growth a journey of substance

-this film is unapologetic about being feminist (which shocked the fuck out of me) and does so with actual insight, not checking off a list (which is rad)

-note too, cause grumps will try to bury this, it asks men to not define themselves by conquering others, or stepping on necks, but by creating worth on their own goals and just being present in the moment. It asks them to free themselves from their own shackles

-there is a certain richness to male characters when female directors (and writers, etc) take over; new colors are displayed in the rainbow

-it is so immensely satisfying to see actual sets (practical, on camera) and vivid primary colors (after years of blurred muted-ness)

+its value in the aesthetic form and character of the film is immeasurable

-there isn’t a single false note in the “impossible to be a woman” speech, aptly delivered by America Ferrara. It simply presents itself with the courage of its convictions

-said being truly sucks and absolutely rules; the sheer inconsistency is its beauty and power. Neatness does not contain growth

-I like how the film emphasizes the under seen will truly change and save the world

-oh, I almost forgot to mention; I just about rolled out of my chair at the ribbing of zealots for the Synder cut of Justice League

-this is an artificiality to this film that is staggeringly authentic

-this is truly one of the best examples of just being the world and subverting the world in the 2020’s (and frankly all time); this will be studied and admired for years

-also also, the battle at the beach and the dance street fight among Ken’s is an all timer of a scene (it uses the past to power the present)

-I have a sneaking suspicion this may be the “Iron Man”(2008) to the upcoming Mattel cinematic universe; the vast number of following films will largely be less interesting, less full of the personality of its creators (with some exceptions)

-but this film is worth it; it is alive and joyful. It cannot be accountable for the world(s) that comes after it, only how it exists during its run time.

-and, truly, Gerwig has made something special here. It’s just going to make the lives of everyone who accepts it for what it is (love and color of form) many times better. It is a triumph

[twistedtummies2]

The Seventh Doctor - Worst to Best

Now that Christmas is over, let's focus on an anniversary I sadly neglected to acknowledge earlier in the year, and must acknowledge before the new year begins: 2023 marks the 60th anniversary of one of the longest-running television programs in history, that sci-fi camp classic, Doctor Who. Anybody who knows me knows that I love this series, both in its Classic and its "New Who" eras. The chances are also high that, if you know that, you know who my favorite Doctor is: Sylvester McCoy, the Seventh Doctor.

The Seventh Doctor was the last of the Classic Doctors, before the "bridge" that was Paul McGann's Eighth, and the beginning of New Who with Christopher Eccleston as the Ninth. To this day, he remains a slightly polarizing take on the character: for a long time, people seemed to greatly dislike number seven, but over the years he's gained more and more of a fanbase, with a lot of people claiming him to be one of the very best versions of the character out there.

Over the course of McCoy's three seasons - the final ones of the Classic show before it went on a LONG hiatus, to later be revived - the Seventh Doctor evolved in an interesting way. For his first season, the character is a more comical Doctor, somewhat clownish in nature...but even then, signs of his later development slowly began to take shape. By the end of his tenure, Seven had gone from one of the lightest takes on the character to arguably the single darkest: he could still be very funny, with a Vaudevillian sense of humor and style and many typical eccentricities, but he could also be ruthless, manipulative, and borderline sadistic. He was the Chessmaster Doctor: a master planner who could out-think his enemies sometimes several moves ahead...and yet he also loved playing the spoons and wearing silly outfits. Go figure.

I thought it would be fun, with the show nearing its 61st year - and having seen not one but TWO new canon Doctors added to the lineup this month alone, via Fourteen and Fifteen - to go over my thoughts on my favorite Doctor and his time on the show, in all its ups and downs. Over three seasons on TV (I'm not touching the audio dramas or anything else here), McCoy's Doctor had twelve separate stories/serials. So, today, I am going to rank them all! Let's waste no more time (or space), these are the Seventh Doctor's Episodes - From Worst to Best.

12. Time and the Rani.

It grieves me to say that the very worst of the lot is the Seventh Doctor’s debut/regeneration episode. In my opinion, this is the single worst introduction any Doctor has ever had, and it physically hurts me to say that since it is the first episode for my favorite Doctor. The first season of the McCoy era was sadly not very good, and I think that’s why some people have a hard time warming up to him and his Doctor. When the 24th season began, the show was going pretty much fully for comedy; it had some dark edges, but it was mostly playing itself almost as a space pantomime. That wouldn't be so bad, but the writing wasn't very good, and the production values were at an all-time low, both of which stymied its potential. “Time and the Rani” is the worst of the worst, for a very simple reason: if this was the only Sylvester McCoy episode you ever saw, you wouldn’t have any clue about what made this Doctor special. With every other Doctor’s big debut – no matter how good or bad the episode may be – you can at least say you get a sense of what this Doctor will be like. With McCoy, in his first appearance, he feels like a watered-down mish-mash of various other Doctors before him, and rather dimwitted. The only scene I really like is one where the Seventh tries on his new costume, but even that scene is basically a riff on a Fourth Doctor sequence. If you want to get a start on the McCoy era, don’t start with his actual debut; it really isn’t worth your time, and you can probably imagine better intros/regeneration tales in your head than this gives.

11. Delta and the Bannermen.

This story is pretty bad, too, but it’s not AS bad as “Time and the Rani.” This was the third serial from the first McCoy season, and it features the Doctor and his then-current companion, Mel Bush, being invited to participate on a holiday tour in 1950s Wales, by pure luck. (Trust me, pure luck is what gets Number Seven through most of his first season.) Less lucky is the fact that a fugitive extraterrestrial named Delta – the last of her kind – is also on the tour, trying to escape from an army of brutish killers called the Bannermen. Throw in a couple of bungling redneck CIA agents (yes, really; I’d be angry if it weren’t for the fact, as an American, I have no right to complain) and references to Disneyland (again, yes, really), and you have this episode. Admittedly, some parts of this episode make me laugh, and the overall direction doesn’t make the Seventh Doctor look like a total idiot, which is a step up from the previous pick. I also like the character of Ray – a motorcycle gal who basically became a prototype for the character of Ace (more on her later) – but it’s not enough to save this story, which mostly comes across as equal parts boring and obnoxious. A most unpleasant blend, indeed.

10. Paradise Towers.

Of all the bad McCoy episodes, this one is the LEAST bad. It ALMOST works. This was the second serial of the first McCoy season, and, much like “Delta and the Bannermen,” it starts off with the Doctor trying to do something nice and pleasant with Mel, only for things to go to Hell in a teapot once they actually arrive. The Doctor takes Mel to a resort called “Paradise Towers,” which was made to provide people with peaceful relaxation and fun, as any proper resort would be. However, multiple conflicts have led to Paradise Towers becoming the epicenter of an effective civil war between several groups. What was once a happy and beautiful place is now home to cannibals, killer robots, Space Nazis (the Seventh Doctor faced Nazi-esque characters quite a lot; these ones are called the Caretakers), street hoodlums, and a vaguely Lovecraftian psychic abomination. The only one who doesn’t get involved in the violence is a single peaceful soul named Pex, who many defame as a coward. The concept has the potential to be a really twisted, imaginative story, but all of the varying plotlines don’t mesh well, and, again, much of it is played for absurd comedy, which really deadens the effect, in my opinion. True, this is kind of a crazy idea, but it could have been so much more than it was…in fact, that basically sums up a lot of this first season in general: it could have been so much more.

9. Dragonfire.

“Dragonfire” is the last serial of the first season, and it is also the best serial of the first season…which isn’t saying much. It’s…just okay, really, but that’s better than the other three. Once again, the Doctor tries to take Mel somewhere nice (this time a sort of space mall, in a place called Iceworld), and once again, shenanigans ensue. This time, said shenanigans involve a lost treasure, references to “Star Wars,” “Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark,” and “Alien,” and the villainous Kane - an icy antagonist who frankly could give Mr. Freeze a few lessons in frostbitten fiendishness. It also features one of the most infamously silly cliffhangers in the show’s history. What really makes this serial work though are our three main characters: with this episode, McCoy’s Doctor finally starts to evolve a bit more into the character we know and love from later appearances. It also features the return of the loveably roguish con-artist, Sabalom Glitz, who had previously appeared a couple of times during the era of the Sixth Doctor, Colin Baker. But the true point that makes this work are the two companions involved: this is the last story we get with Mel, and the first story featuring Ace. Mel is (or, at least, was) one of the worst companions in the show's history, in my opinion, but I actually kind of like her in this episode, and while her departure makes absolutely no sense, it's legitimately sort of sad to see her go. Ace, meanwhile, is my favorite companion in all of Doctor Who (just as McCoy is my favorite Doctor), so seeing her arrive on the scene is a blast. It's their combined presence, above all else, that makes this story worth seeing.

8. Silver Nemesis.

The 25th Season of Doctor Who - McCoy's second - was where the show REALLY started to take off, and it might actually be one of my favorite seasons in the entire series. Having said that, "Silver Nemesis" is what might be called "the worst of the best," just as "Time and the Rani" is "the worst of the worst." Intended as a celebration of the show's 25th Anniversary, the serial features the Doctor and Ace having to deal with three different factions of antagonists: a group of Neo-Nazis from contemporary times, a witch from the 17th Century, and - as you can see her - the Cybermen, one of the Doctor's most long-running and infamous monster antagonists. All three warring factions are trying to gain control of a living statue, called Nemesis, which apparently can grant whoever wields it immense destructive power. The Doctor, it's revealed, is the one who apparently CREATED Nemesis, and must now find a way to keep this mysterious creation out of the hands of his enemies. The episode does some interesting things - most notably with it really playing up the Doctor as a mysterious figure, in a way that hadn't been done in a very long time, if ever before - but ultimately, it's tonally scattershot, the pacing is a bit off, and most of the villains turn out to be shockingly ineffectual. The story is also basically a giant ripoff of "Remembrance of the Daleks" (more on that later), featuring a lot of similar plot and thematic elements throughout, which definitely deadens the impact. It's not necessarily a TERRIBLE story, as it has a great cast and a lot of cool scenes and ideas, but it's definitely on the lower end of "meh," in my opinion.

7. Ghost Light.

Believe it or not, I actually had a hard time choosing between Ghost Light and Silver Nemesis. It is potentially unbelievable because most fans agree that Ghost Light is a better episode than Silver Nemesis; many call this episode a triumph of the era, with the other as one of its weakest pieces. In some ways I agree, but in other ways…I won’t say Silver Nemesis is superior, because it isn’t, but I feel this episode is SLIGHTLY overrated. This was a serial from the 26th season – the Seventh Doctor’s third and final season in the series. “Ghost Light” is a three-parter, and – in my opinion – it truly could have benefited from having a fourth section. The first two thirds of the serial are quite brilliant: the story is a really great one for Ace, as it taps into dark elements of her past, and the style of this tale is absolutely DRIPPING in Gothic Victorian atmosphere. It deals with scientific and philosophical concepts of evolution, change, and social status, and blends elements of various classic stories together, such as Bernard Shaw’s Pygmalion, The Island of Dr. Moreau, and a heavy helping of H.P. Lovecraft's works. I love the style, the atmosphere, and a lot of the concepts presented…but the problem lies in the execution. The first two parts move at a decent pace, but in the third part, everything feels very rushed. It becomes REALLY hard to follow what’s going on, and lots of things feel underdeveloped, as well. I also feel that the reveal of one of the main antagonists – Light – is a little underwhelming; the character is supposed to be an awe-inspiring presence, like some sort of avenging angel, but the performance and especially the costume design make him feel less intense than he should. It’s still a good story, but I don’t think it’s the masterpiece a lot of people seem to claim it is.

6. Battlefield.

In a weird way, "Battlefield" is one of two episodes where you could arguably sum up the reputation of the Seventh Doctor and his era - with fans, that is - in a nutshell. This, and another story I'll get to later, used to be considered pretty bad eggs on the whole...but nowadays, people have a lot more respect for them, and several folks I know (or just know about) have labeled them as being among their favorites. I definitely have a soft spot for this one, myself: "Battlefield" features the Doctor facing off against a legion of dark knights from another dimension, where the legends of King Arthur are real, and the Doctor himself - apparently - is Merlin! The issue is, the Doctor won't become Merlin until a later regeneration, so this is - confusingly - his first time meeting any of the Arthurian characters: most notably the main villain of the story, the mysterious Morgaine. To try and deal with the problem, the agents of UNIT - an elite military group who are a recurring presence throughout Doctor Who - are called into play. This brings back the Doctor's old friend and companion, The Brigadier, in his final appearance on the show. While the episode is not perfect, there's a LOT to love here: I love seeing the homages to earlier eras of the series, with the return of the Brigadier and "Bessie" (which I can only describe as the Doctor's equivalent to the Batmobile), and I love the thematics and motifs of Arthurian myth and legend. The supporting cast is great, and we get one of the best-looking monsters in the series, courtesy of a demon known simply as "The Destroyer." Definitely a fun outing that deserves more credit than it sometimes gets.

5. Survival.

The final episode of the Classic era. While not a perfect way to cap off the show as a whole, nor McCoy's central tenure in the program, "Survival" is, nevertheless, hardly a bad note to close on, either. The story focuses on the TARDIS Team returning to Ace's hometown and time period: then-modern-day Perivale. The Doctor and his companion soon discover that a bunch of people around town have been mysteriously disappearing. It's revealed they are being transported to a mysterious alternate dimension, known only as "The Planet of the Cheetah People" (yes, that's really what the monsters are called). The Cheetah People are half-human, half-cheetah beasts who hunt people for both sport and food; those who don't end up as cat chow end up slowly turning into Cheetah People themselves, their aggressive instincts and more animalistic desires coming to the forefront. Wrapped up in all of this is the Doctor's arch-enemy: the Master, who has taken control of the Cheetah People, but is also trying to find a way to escape their world before he becomes one of them. This was one of actor Anthony Ainley's best outings with the Master (he's my favorite person to play the role), and it was great to see him go up against my favorite Doctor. It's so strangely fitting that the final episode of the Classic era featured the Doctor going against his arch-enemy for what was, at the time, perceived to be the final time, and I'm not sure how planned that fact was, based on what I know of the production history. Regardless, while this episode is a bit silly in places, it's mostly a really great and surprisingly dark story, dealing with some interesting themes and philosophies, and having some fine action sequences to its credit, as well. If you were only to watch this one episode, and no other, from McCoy's era, it wouldn't be a bad choice.

4. The Happiness Patrol.

This is the other episode I mentioned, alongside "Battlefield," where you can kind of see it as a (likely unintended) symbol of the Seventh Doctor's era as a whole. At the time this story came out, it wasn't much liked by the public, and there are still those who don't especially care for it...but nowadays, generally speaking, respect for this story seems to have grown quite a lot. It's not perfect, but it's definitely a highlight of McCoy's time in the series, and for good reason. In this story, the Doctor and Ace travel to a human colony in the distant future, called Terra Alpha. The place is run by Helen A: a parody of Margaret Thatcher herself, played by Sheila Hancock. Helen A has declared that no one is allowed to be sad: people must wear bright colors, tell silly jokes, only listen to cheerful music, and generally always behave like everything is sunshine and rainbows. Anyone perceived to be a "Killjoy" faces one of several horrible punishments: one is being shot down in the streets by the titular Happiness Patrol - her special police squadron. Another is being sent to "The Waiting Zone," which is Terra Alpha's equivalent to jail (and where you can be killed by either trigger happy guards or rigged arcade games). Finally, there's being forced to pay to suffer the wrath of the Kandy Man: a self-aware robot made almost entirely out of sweets, designed as a parody of Bertie Basset. The Kandy Man either experiments on people in his laboratory, feeding them candies that are so good they literally make you die of pleasure, or drowning people in boiling hot syrup via an execution method called "Fondant Surprise." The TARDIS Team must find a way to dethrone Helen A, destroy her minions - especially the Kandy Man - and give Terra Alpha the right to be unhappy again. I love the paradoxical nature of this episode, with things that are bright and colorful being made wicked and nasty, and with the whole premise focusing on letting people feel sad rather than joyful. The story plays off the idea that happiness and sadness are "two sides of the same coin," and that neither emotion can exist properly without the other. There's a lot more I could say, but this description is already getting too long; basically, if you like things such as "We Happy Few" or a certain episode of "Fairly Oddparents," this may be a story you enjoy, as well.

3. Curse of Fenric.

Many consider this to be the single best episode of the Seventh Doctor's era. I obviously do not agree with this general feeling, but I also can't deny this serial is a great one. "Curse of Fenric" was the debut story of Season 26, and it is one of the darkest stories in all of Doctor Who history. Ace and the Doctor arrive near a military base in the heart of World War II, where English and Russian soldiers are working together. While trying to solve the mystery of some mysterious relics found near the base, military personnel seemingly awaken a race of creatures called Haemovores, which I can only describe as "squid vampires." The Haemovores can only be held back by one's faith; the stronger the exhibition of faith one has in something, practically anything, the better it wards them off. The Haemovores, it's revealed, are just pawns in the game of Fenric: an entity of pure evil older than the universe itself, which apparently has faced the Doctor before. It's revealed that Fenric is not only involved with these beasts, but that many past events from the past two seasons were actually part of an elaborate scheme the evil entity was concocting to get revenge on the Doctor. I love so much about this story: I love its themes of faith and doubt. I love its dark setting and even darker storytelling elements. I love both Fenric and the Haemovores as monsters/villains, and I love the fact this story ties a lot of past threads together in such a subtle way. I especially love what this episode does for Ace, as a character, and how it shows newer, even darker dimensions to the Seventh Doctor that we hadn't seen before, and which have now become central to who he is in years since. I may not think it's the perfect masterwork everyone else does, but it's hard to think of anything particularly wrong with it, either; definitely one of the Seventh Doctor's crowning moments.

2. Remembrance of the Daleks.

If I had to choose one episode of the Seventh Doctor's era that I would call the definitive story - meaning, if you are going to watch only one episode, this would be the best one to see to give you an idea of everything great about it - that would undoubtedly be "Remembrance of the Daleks." This was the debut of Season 25, and going from "Dragonfire" to this is like switching a lightbulb: it is ASTONISHING how much the quality of EVERYTHING about the show seems upped, right off the bat, in this serial. The Doctor and his Companion, the supporting players, the writing, the visual effects...everything here is a MILLION times better than ANYTHING in Season 24, and it's the story that officially cements the kind of Doctor Sylvester McCoy's would really be moving forward. The plot has the Doctor returning to where it all began: Coal Hill School and Trotter's Lane, the setting of the very first episode of the very first serial in Doctor Who back in the early 60s. He and Ace discover that a Dalek civil war has broken out - between the gilded Imperial Daleks, and the more rugged-looking Renegade Daleks - and both sides are fighting to gain control of a piece of Time Lord technology, known as the Hand of Omega. If either side can take the Hand, they'll basically become Gods, and we obviously can't have that. However, it's revealed the Doctor was somehow prepared for all this, and has devised an elaborate plan to outwit the Daleks at their own game...the problem is that he wasn't expecting two warring factions, and he has to make sure the wrong set of Daleks don't interfere with his scheme. The episode has great action, great philosophies and themes, a few surprising twists and turns, and a surprisingly somber and ambiguous ending. It also features what many consider to be the most iconic scenes/moments for both the Seventh Doctor and Ace alike.

Greatest Show in the Galaxy.

While "Remembrance of the Daleks" may be the most definitive episode of the Seventh Doctor's era (and I would argue it and "Curse of Fenric" might be candidates for the technical best episodes), it's not actually my personal favorite. That goes to this story: "Greatest Show in the Galaxy." The plot begins with the Doctor and Ace getting intergalactic junk mail, tempting them to visit the Psychic Circus on the desert planet of Segonax. It's ultimately revealed, however, that some mysterious force is controlling the circus performers and workers. This force - which I shall not name here - seems to literally thrive on entertainment itself, and so the performers are forced to bring anybody who attends from the crowd into the arena to perform, in order to save their own skins. Because as soon as you stop being even remotely entertaining, you die. I love how the episode is more subtle with the Doctor's chessmaster ways here; he's not exactly planning everything out in advance, but he's also not totally hapless throughout the story either. It's somewhere in the middle, and it's hard to say how much of what happens was something he expected or not. The supporting cast is also great, from characters like Mags the Werewolf, to the insufferably geeky Wiz Kid, to one of the greatest oneshot villains in Who history, the devilish Chief Clown, played by Ian Reddington. The whole serial seems to be a subtle riff on Doctor Who ITSELF, and how it was being perceived by critics, producers, and fans alike at the time, which makes it pretty interesting once you see it from that perspective. Even without that idea in mind, however, it's just a fun, somewhat surreal story that really shows the strength and fun of McCoy's Doctor, gives a little bit of depth to Ace (not as much as some later stories, like "Fenric" and "Survival," but still), and provides plenty of memorable moments. It's not necessarily the best, it's not necessarily one I would suggest as the first and only story people watch...but without a doubt, "Greatest Show in the Galaxy" is my favorite Seventh Doctor Episode.

[tiptapricot]

Happy 1000 followers! That's definitely a number worth celebrating :D. Here are some asks for your Ask Game; don't worry about answering them all, these are just some questions I thought of, free free to answer whichever ones you want to. :3

What got you into writing?

Is there any books or piece of media that inspired your style of writing, or did it develop in some other way?

What character(s) do you enjoy writing the most and why?

Are there any character(s) or fandom(s) you love that you'd love to write for but never have?

Are there any hobbies or interests you have that you find leak into and/or influence your stories?

When did you embrace the ways of the apricot? (That is to say, when and why did you commit to the bit and start creating your marvellous collection of apricot icons?).

Hope you're doing well :). Enjoy your fame, my friend! 🧡🧡🧡

I will answer 🔥 ☠️ ALL OF THEM 🎸🔥 *sick riff*

What got you into writing?

I don’t really remember a specific point of Getting Into It, because (and this def plays a part) my dad is a writer! He’s written for some video games and has some short stories published, so I grew up with him reading me books and writing his own manuscripts/engaging us in that way. He never like Guided me into writing but it was always a natural presence and I was exposed to a lot of stories early on.

We did nanowrimo in elementary school, and I also made comics when I was younger that were my own narratives and things, and I did a few small stories for other classes along the way, but when I started Really doing it more intentionally was when I got into fic writing. Which… what got me into that was I think like… danganronpa self insert things? That’s my ultimate lost fic. I wrote it in the notes app in middle school and it was super long and then I hated it and deleted it all and I’m SO MAD ABOUT IT because IT WOULD BE SO FUNNY TO LOOK BACK ON NOW! It was kind of just a natural progression though I guess? When I started reading fic more and being online more and getting into more media, I wanted to create for it since I’d already been doing that sort of thing (most comics I did were inspired by superhero shows I watched or DND games I played) so I stated posting. And then I did more original stories for school and started making ocs and it just sorta settled into being part of what I do.

Is there any books or piece of media that inspired your style of writing, or did it develop in some other way?

None consciously? And I can’t really trace my style to anything in specific, but there’s def got to be some input from the books I grew up on. Stuff like series of unfortunate events, larklight, the leviathan trilogy, the keys to the kingdom series, the Roman mysteries series, the Lockwood and co series, Harry Potter to an extent, etc. all were things that I was exposed to growing up. I don’t think I’ve really picked up the quippy narration a lot of those have, but I know they shaped some ideas of description and imagery I do now, at least in inspo. But I guess on a whole it just sort of developed naturally? I really don’t have a very conscious writing process half the time 😭

What character(s) do you enjoy writing the most and why?

At the moment and also in general I like characters that have strong voices. They make the prose pop for me, make it easy to find fun descriptions and forms of speech. Bill and Ted and Steven Grant definitely come to mind immediately as like. When I get to write them stuff just goes fast because I know how they’d talk and narrate and react and it feels like something very solid to shape and work with. So accents? I guess? But on a larger sense of just characters I Like Writing… MK system are all very fun and I really enjoy getting to explore their dynamics and reactions. If I ever get my hands on Din Djarin for a fic (finally) I think I’ll have a good time with him, but idk. I think it’s very dependent on the interests I’m into at the time, as those will be the characters I’m the most excited to engage with and create for, so it varies!

Are there any character(s) or fandom(s) you love that you'd love to write for but never have?

THE ZETA PROJECTTTT!!! AND ALSO MORE OF LEGION 2006 ANDDD THE DCAU ANDDDD MORE LUKE N DIN N ORIGINAL TRILOGY CAST AND THE DAREDEVIL NETFLIX CAST AND MISS FISHERS MURDER MYSTERIES AND TIGER AND BUNNY AND— Ahem. Yes there are and they torment me every day wanting to get to create for them but having finite brain space and time space makes writing everything all the time… a bit hard. I kind of want to do a like niche interest power hour week or somth where I take fandoms I haven’t written for and make a small piece for them—WOLF 359 ALSO GOOD GOD!!!!!!!! But I don’t know when that will be.

Are there any hobbies or interests you have that you find leak into and/or influence your stories?

Not generally, but whenever I’m writing a character as having an interest in something or really liking something in depth it often has to be something I’m also into for me to be able to do research on it. This can mean I sometimes have to find middle grounds between what a character might find fascinating and what I find fascinating, so sometimes my interests are directly or indirectly in stories. Lost media I know has made it in a few times, and so has sci fi and superheroes and action figures. I don’t really have a whole ton of hobbies that are easy to slot in or draw from on a large scale otherwise, as niche toy collecting, a love for stickers and earrings and clown paraphernalia, and performing arts are only applicable under certain circumstances.

INTERESTS is a whole diff thing. My monster/inhuman character love, my love for certain genres or aesthetics, etc. influences ALLLLL of my OCs and a lot of my fics. Stuff that focuses on loving the strange, or the inanimate, or the weird crossover between the two is in a lot of my work (and will be in more haha) but definitely colors the types of stories I want to do, and the original content I end up making outside of fic.

When did you embrace the ways of the apricot? (That is to say, when and why did you commit to the bit and start creating your marvellous collection of apricot icons?).

THIS ACTUALLY HAS DOCUMENTABLE HISTORY!! Ok so.

The username Tiptapricot was what I came up with when I made my Minecraft account in elementary school. I liked apricots and peaches and plums and stuff (still do) so that was part of it, but I was also into semi-tap dancing (AKA being a young kid with some cheap tap shoes from somewhere and doing performances) so tip-tap and apricot combined and… there we were. It became my standard name on sites when I had to make accounts (bar like animal jam I think because it was maybe made earlier), since it was never taken and it was unique enough to slot in.

I guess as I was maybe making an Instagram account or going into highschool or just… for some reason, my sister @dimidarling wanted to make me a cute icon and, based off my username, drew me a little apricot with a face for one! This created what I now call… Prototip on July 14th, 2019

This icon was very cute and I loved it a lot, but it wasn’t quite the vibe I was wanting for myself, so I ended up getting a PNG of an apricot, slapping it on a blue background from looking up “light blue” on Google, and drawing a little face on it. That became the Default Base Tip as is seen in my icon most places, in December of 2019

FUN FACT you will never unsee after I say it: I think at some point I resized or re-edited the image or something, and I wanted to carry over the original face I had drawn on it, so I ended up cutting it out and pasting it over a face I didn’t like as much, and on the left side of Tip’s face (our right) u can see this tinyyy little black mark showing the edge of the main face cut out because I didn’t get it perfectly covered or aligned. I’m sorry in advance.

ANYWAY! So base Tip was made. I don’t remember the following order of events, but still being in my kpop phase in late 2019 I got Twitter briefly and made a Tiptapricot account there. And having an apricot with a face I thought: wouldn’t it be so funny if I was a gimmick account that pretended to be a real life apricot tweeting? So I did that for like a little bit. And then I went: wouldn’t it make the bit even better if this apricot was appropriately apricot aged? And long story short I changed my age to be a year old, then realized that would probably be bad legally, but when changing it back to my actual birthday, Twitter freaked out and banned me for messing around with my age and not being old enough when I made an account (even though I was at the time) so I got booted off Twitter. (And I’m glad about that can you imagine if I had settled in there instead oh lord) But the seed for apricot jokes was planted!

From there it happened somewhat naturally as a way to either make reaction images for friends online without sending my face, or to change my icon to play along with a funny joke. I made edits for friends in the DC fandom and for jokes we had running about each other going to jail or like “I’m gonna beat you up” or whatever, and joined along with a growing bit of giving me Tip related names, it became something I Did.

Now my Tip folder is 200 images strong and my mascot/sona/little guy is somth I actually care a lot about and have a lot of fondness for as a way to express goofy stuff and emotions in a way that’s simple to draw and feels rly truly me.

And there you have it :-D The Ti(nfodum)p

Ty for the questions Charlie, they were super fun to answer!!

(IDs in ALT)

1000 follower celebration

[unforeseen-idiot]

Shovelwarewolf Season 2 Review

Shovelwarewolf Season 2 Electric boogaloo, or the season where stuff finally goes down. I love that the story and production value jump in quality with each other in this season.

Sonic 06: Great episode to open with, we meet Susan (who definitely knows more than they're letting on), a cool season theme, acknowledgement (however brief) of the whole arm thing, and an Escape From the City parody, what's not to love.

Goldeneye: Solid episode, I think it has some of SWW's best one liners (Hell's Angels, The Mafia, GAMESTOP!). I learned to never insult Judy Dench, and that I should probably watch a James Bond movie.

Mortal Kombat Mythologies: Another fine episode, Ivan mimicking the glitch was pretty funny. I don't have a whole lot to say about this episode so I'll just write here that Ivan and Susan have a great banter, and that Susan was just a great addition to begin with, but I'll get to that later. Oh and Test Your Patience was a good capper on the episode.

Duke Nukem: Just getting this out of the way, this game is pure trash but SWW's reactions are too funny. I also like the character development at the beginning with Ivan and Susan, she really was just the only one who was nice to him. Also I don't know why this occurs to me, but the company described the next game as, "A console with a Zelda game" I just remembered that the Switch came out with Breath of the Wild in the same year as this season, I don't know how that's relevant, I just thought it was cool.

Legend of Zelda Wand of Gamelon: Oho what an episode, great gameplay, great story, and great one liners. Susan got to be really cool in this episode, which leads me to believe that she definitely planned this in advance and the therapist bit was an act (she went from running from the room during a transformation to bursting in and rescuing Ivan/SWW without batting an eye in the same day, no way that just happened). I also just love this game's stupid clips and the SWW one liners to go with them: "(Recorder noise) THANKS, (same recorder noise) THANKS...FOR NOTHING" "You've killed me, GOOD. Dang, that's savage, who knew Zelda was such an OG" and "Link gave them to me. GASP! YOU KNOW LINK, LIKE OMG" such good writing. and The Shovelwarewolf's a Running is amazing.

Home Alone: Finally we've reached the finale, pretty great all things considered. First I just want to acknowledge this little scene from Death's narration, "With the help of his therapist" while panning on cool bada** Susan, just funny to me. I'd also like to acknowledge Ivan's TV playing AJ and Nate's weird Spider-Man and Batman Save Christmas Movie, wish they'd finish that someday it looked cool. I love the Home Alone parody for the cool ways it adapts the theme, like the Gamecube trap. Santa just having 180 in terms of character and going on a full fledged villain arc is so hilarious. The game itself is weirdly a cool take on a Home Alone game, like most licensed games at the time would take tons of liberties with the source material but this one was pretty accurate, even if it still sucked. Susan got to be cool again, but at the cost of a very forlorn scene. Oh boy now we get to meet our dude Biffalo Bub, simultaneously RE's most stupid but also most realistically scary villain. That silent clip montage at the end still unsettles me.

Music Rating:

Season 2 Opening: One of the best, that opening bass riff is still so mesmerizing. And the violins, and the soft piano, and the synth, oh so good. This opening feels a lot like a triumphant return for the character.

Season 2 Transformation: Conversely this variation of the transformation doesn't really do it for me. I like the way it closes I guess, but I just don't love it. It also has this weird repeating note that just bores into my skull.

SHOVELWAREWOLF! (Test Your Patience): Pretty good parody, I love the recap of the games he's played so far (except Goldeneye for some reason).

Shovelwarewolf's a-Runnin': Great parody, it introduced me to the Werewolves of London. I love it's use in the show and the vocals.

This is My Safehouse: Great composition for the Home Alone episode. Seriously AJ really flexed his composing powers here. The synth is really great, I love the little incorporation of the transformation theme.

Sleigh-Riding Sleazebag: Not much to say on the song other than the title, and it's use of random Christmas carols, but evil.

Couch Gag: I love this gag, Ivan dubbing over game footage is so funny. Like the last one it makes me think of him being so bored he just does stuff like this to pass the time. This time I'm happy he didn't have one for Wand of Gamelon, I feel like the dialogue in that game stand on its own.

The season is so good. It gave us a great SWW mask, a great character in the form of Susan, and excellent story development. And it only gets better from here. In addition, while others have described it better than me, this season has interesting symbolism in obsession and trauma.

[girlreviews]

Review #46: Graceland, Paul Simon

It makes sense to do Graceland next, right? Ha. You might think I’m gonna fucking rip on it after that last post but I did say I loved it, and I do.

Here’s the thing: I think Paul Simon is a twerp. I could write a white paper on his ego and pretentiousness. That ego and pretentiousness would factor into whatever section that covered the controversy surrounding the production and creation of Graceland. That’s a nuanced discussion. He’s still a twerp.

However, he’s a twerp that made a damn near perfect album on this occasion. I’m going to have to keep myself in check or this review will itself turn into a white paper. Simon recorded some of the album with South African musicians including The Boyoyo Boys and Ladysmith Black Mambazo in Johannesburg, and remaining parts in the US with other guest artists like Linda Ronstadt and The Everly Brothers (!!). Unlike his previous work, since he had always been a singer-songwriter type, the music came first and the lyrics came last. This, is SO fascinating to me, because the lyrics are two things in Graceland:

One: Completely disconnected from the sound of the music behind them compared to the lyrical content, which I have always thought just somehow works. Songs about Memphis, songs about New York City, but sung over South African street music.

Two: Absolutely stunning. Masterful. Some of the best to ever be written and sung. I will have a lot of trouble not quoting entire verses. And I don’t always feel this way about Paul Simon. Sometimes I think he misses in a big way. He just didn’t on this record.

I’m going to start with Graceland itself. Make no mistake: this song brought my ass to Tennessee. It did. I listened to this record more in the year preceding my decision to move back to the US more than any other. So much so that I got banned from playing it in my office (true!). Consciously or not, when the time came for me to decide what the fuck to do with my life, I was hearing “I’m going to Graceland, Graceland, Memphis, Tennessee, for reasons I cannot explain, there’s some part of me that wants to see Graceland”. I actually have never been to Graceland. Well I have, I’ve been to the parking lot and the gift shop. But that’s it. I’m not paying that much money to look at some weirdos weird lair. You’re never going to get me to care about Elvis like that. Anyway, I digress. This song breaks your heart. Knowing your love doesn’t love you anymore. Everyone seeing directly inside your totally deconstructed heart and soul looking at the ruins of your future. What do you do to recover from that but hit the fucking road? Accompanying those soul crushing lyrics is a guitar riff that feels like how tears feel. It sounds like you’re in a bath tub and you go under for a minute. It’s under water. And that’s exactly right. It hurts so good.

Next! Oh my god, I want to say my favorite but this is one of those where they’re all my damn favorite. I Know What I Know. Firstly, this is the wittiest Paul Simon has ever been:

“She looked me over and I guess she thought I was alright

Alright in a sort of a limited way for an off night”

But he then describes her as moving so easily “all he could think of was sunlight”, and that’s pretty fucking special. I can’t lie. You could be a twerp but with talk like that, if you were a little funny, and you could sing pretty songs, yeah maybe plenty of women would give you the time of day. Maybe the ego makes sense. This song also reminds me of a former boss, who was actually from South Africa. He just sung the last words of each line, because they were really pronounced “moooooney”, “fuuuuuunny”, and it was annoying as hell. Probably because he was a real racist piece of shit, and one day when I really just told him I had nothing left in me and thought I might kill myself, mans looked me dead in the eye and told me to “pick a different thought and just keep showing up for work”. Money. Funny.

Moving on, there’s this chaotic accordion in Gumboots. I don’t really know how to single out any of the lyrics, but I’ll pick “I said hey señorita, that’s astute I said, why don’t we get together and call ourselves an institute”(the fuck???? Come on! I want to be mad at it, but it’s just the right damn side of the line where he’s not high on its own supply, it just is really that good). It’s a vocal performance for sure. It’s witty again. It’s conversational. It’s confusing. It’s unresolved. There’s joyful happy percussion and trumpets backing that up. It doesn’t make a damn bit of sense and yet it works perfectly.

I can’t get into every other song because they’re all amazing. But a poor boy is “empty as a pocket” in Diamonds of the Souls of Her Shoes. There’s a “roly-poly little bat faced girl” in You Can Call Me Al. In Crazy Love, Vol. II, “the fire in your life” is “all over the evening news”. I really can’t cope with it all.

Here’s my two stories. They’re good ones, too. Like I said, I really got to know this record in 2012, when I found it in the charity shop across from my shitty apartment at my shitty job that ruled my shitty life. I found so many good ones there (Joni!). I listened to it non-stop. Got banned from listening to it. Did it anyway, etc. Wouldn’t you know, it was the 25th anniversary of it being released? Paul Simon toured that year, with all of the original musicians. I saw it. My life was a disaster, and I was miserable all told. The people largely responsible for the misery bought tickets for everyone but me, knowing how much I loved it. But I was given VIP passes by my former housemate who worked for Columbia Records, because yeah! Sometimes you catch a break! I know in spite of all of the misery and pain of that time that felt all consuming, there was a sunny day in Hyde Park where I saw this album performed from start to finish by the original musicians. I wore a cute leopard print dress and have a picture from that day with my very dear friend Sophie, and I can see in my eyes that I was happy. He threw in some other classics too. Even some Simon and Garfunkel. I got drunk. I was in the moment. I was the roly-poly little bat-faced girl. Whatever that means. For me it means I was happy.

Fast forward a year, I moved to Tennessee. Fast forward a few more years from there. I’m married to a man who works for a nice couple who happen to be South African. One Saturday I stop in to see him at work, and he says “Hey girlreviews, I need to introduce you to someone”. That someone was a tall, slender, aging white man that I recognized from a documentary I had watched some months ago. He had a lovely South African accent. My husband tells me, “he worked on Graceland”. I didn’t know what to say, but I shook his hand and told him how much I loved the record and how special it was. I was so overwhelmed I don’t even recall his name without rewatching the documentary, or what role he played in the making of the album.

Brb, crying about that guitar sound for the 87546490075734643th time. If you’ve never heard a guitar under water, all you have to do is get in your car, put on Graceland and head to Memphis. Only the putting on Graceland part is actually required.

[peterlorres21stcentury]

the file is called "plotbunnies"

I wish I could somehow transcend human limitation and write ALL of my story ideas at once, with perfect clarity and within a year or so. Barring my unexpected evolution into the next stage of cosmic existence or something, I want to share all the plot ideas from my notes file, which seems to expand the more I look at it (spoiler, every one of them involves Peter Lorre because I seem to have devoted my whole creative life to him; I don't make the rules)

Category 1: stray ideas for stories that don't fit into any particular established universe:

a tale of the wild west, starring Peter as a morally gray, but goodhearted gunslinger, cowboy, and all-around ladies' man (and some of the gentlemen too)

Peter as impoverished violinist living in Vienna. I do not have a specific plot for him yet but I'm kind of thinking of a continuation of "Kitten on the Keys" where Laszlo and Betty visit post-war Europe and run into Laszlo's shy brother playing violin in a destroyed corner of the city, after failing to become a music teacher like he wanted... this is literally just a mental image left over from a long-ago unfinished story and I have no idea where it goes from here. What do you think, yea or nay?

One last little goodbye coda to my OG characters Leo and Tanya Becker, as they enjoy the post-war life and relative calm while raising a family in Washington, DC.

...I lied, one day I also want to write something about the Becker kids after they grow up.

Category 2: TORG. Oh I have so many ideas for the little cannibal:

Georg escapes a cruel mental institution only to join an even more abusive traveling carnival through central Europe in 1910

Torg in the Fallout universe, eating his way through the wasteland and surviving mad science experiments

My notes include this joke title which riffs on an actual play: "The Inexplicable Rise of Georgio Ui." This makes no sense but I thought it was funny. The actual story idea is more serious, as it involves a Holocaust survivor relating her experiences to a historian, and she tells the unbelievable tale of one fellow prisoner who set them all free by devouring the place whole. Includes a Twilight Zone-esque twist that I will not reveal here, yet. :3

Category 3: Actual fanfic ideas expanding on Peter's real movies. These ideas are free for any other writer out there who wants to tackle it because omg do you see all those ideas above, I don't know how or even if I will get to these:

The Constant Nymph. Fritz Bercovy got a raw deal in the book AND the film, and I want him to get as far away from the unappreciative, racist and rude Sanger family as possible. Instead let him have some refined and sexy adventures around the world as he splashes the cash on a more deserving woman, for a change.

The Island of Doomed Men. Something that really leans into the whole BDSM theme that was toned down in the original film but was quite obvious anyway. Lots of whipping and barely-repressed emotion and fucked-up relationships and yeah :3

Andre and Polo of "I Was An Adventuress" need their own adorably kleptomaniacal comedy series, pronto.

The Face Behind the Mask. Janos deserves a second chance! An alternate version where he was still burned, but some soft-hearted employer decides to give him a job. His hardships aren't over, but at least he doesn't have to turn to a life of crime and maybe even Maria can join him like he wanted (but does she still want him??)