#i thought so but also everything is a mess rn so.... | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

kawaiijellymonster · 1 year

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I have too much time this summer, exhibit: the amount of anime I've watched in the last couple of weeks

#last summer I was working 9 hour days 4 days a week and 4 hours the fifth day then spent the days off recovering #now im working 6 hours 5-6 days a week with two jobs and one of them is super chill so it doesnt feel like working #so i have so much time before and after work i dont really need to recover on my day off #and my hometown is rural af so i get to stay at home all day doing chores/watching tv #which is anxiety inducing bc im like...financial stability??? do I get that with my current schedule??? who fuckin knows?#i thought so but also everything is a mess rn so....#bc im supposed to be working 18 hrs at my internship. 12-18 hours at my coffee shop job and then 10 hrs doing admin stuff for campus job #which should be 40+hrs a week but the admin job is doing funky stuff so I cant put in time which is not a vibe #this all to say: i watched all of tower of god today and yesterday I spent 2 hours learning how to skateboard

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theetwinkleboy · 8 months

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just. came across this panel and got unexpectedly and wildly emotional about aizawa becoming a dad. because like. he cares about his students, he's shown time and time again that he'll push them and fight for them against villains and the media and he'll go to his last breath to protect them but like. they're hero students and he's their teacher and he's tough and strict because he has to be to keep them alive. but then like--

it's morning and he's doing her hair. he's got the hair ties with the little baubles on them and he's doing her hair and she's been through so much crap and aizawa's never shown being demonstrably affectionate or enthusiastic around her the way that izuku and mirio are but like. he's been her dependable quiet shadow every time she's shown up in the manga so far, and he doesn't have to be strict or tough with her because what she needs isn't someone to teach her how to save others, it's someone that she can trust to be there when she needs, someone she can trust to do her hair with little bauble hair ties in the morning.

#i'm rambling i'm like incoherent #i'm sorry i literally just got to this panel and started? crying??#it's FINE i have more thoughts but they're all wrapped up in oboro and eri and how they both underwent experimentation that #remade them so much that they can't remember how to want things or like things or smile #and. how both of them are tied so inextricably to aizawa and aizawa doesn't even know about oboro yet at this point #but like. i want those two to meet #and i also want to explore how aizawa's survivor's guilt intersects with this whole mess bc like.#him becoming a dad--like everything else--is in some way tied up in that trauma #i jsut don't have words for it rn #aizawa shouta #eri bnha #tt reads bnha

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artnerd1123 · 11 months

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"I am no messenger. But I will give you a message. A message of death."

sooo i got a custom done by @popfizzles and they're SO cool and funky :D everyone say hello to Razing Rot, the god of creations/projects filled with love, care, and dedication that were left to rot as if none of it ever mattered. corporate greed, the world moving forward, someone looking to cut corners rather than keep that which people lovingly brought to life- all of it falls under their domain.

they're a nice deer-wolf-monster thing, really! they just don't like being ignored :)

also they go by the name shane on occasion for the joakes

#razing rot #only time im gonna tag the op bc i dont wanna clog up notifs or anythin #but!!! im in LOVE i spent all day on this LOOK AT THEM GUYS LOOK AT THEM.#god the design turned out better than i couldve ever thought. was SO easy to adapt into my own style like!!! yes!!!!!!! hit the nail on the #-head for the character designs i SUPER love woughghgh #nyway. everyone look at them rn. im gonna shove them into everything ever for a bit and then jsut kiss them on the head and doodle them #idk if they'll get their own story but i love them so much. they're gonna be so fun to just mess with EEE #also. for those wondering. the quote is lyrics from klippa's 'grandfather clocktower'. unnoficial theme for my creecher <3 #gore tw #body horror #artnerd1123

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averlym · 1 year

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(click for better resolution, etc.)

#adamandi #ambrose wellington bassford #infer as you will i suppose. wanted to draw a statue ambrose but accidentally painted it because smth smth blending fits him #again. main things taken from lyrics of the actual show ++ this definition i checked with google because i didn't remember it off the top #of my head. but Thoughts indeed #sfgdhhdf ok hello i am back today has been a Day (not very good) (oh well) (small mercies) ...#did not expect the melliot to find this so quickly but since i guess the Official Tumblr has reblogged it i'll just edit this one.#as opposed to reuploading. o//o #i painted it at 2am on impulse and have very little recollection of the whole event -? and then in a fit of pique added words and posted it #it is Very different from the original draft. i'd like to maybe do that one justice someday... anyways something something sometimes #a piece of art you make organically Evolves of its own volition... anyways.#maybe i'm projecting but recently (tuesday?) i found out something Important i had in the works Collapsed in the kiln #kaboom. ah the perils of ceramics. anyway thanks to the messed up 3d of everything i'm working on rn (the pros and cons of visual art subj #is that you get to make art for a grade) and. ceramics and sculpture and classics etcetera. <blinks> wow i really latched on to art aspects.#but nevertheless! ambrose brainrot real. iirc my thoughts were smth like. most strongly. that contrapposto? based on my school art history #was that it evolved from the very neutral rigid ancient greek sculptures of people which were all about Mathematical Symmetry. because #the main thing about contrapposto was that it reflected irl people more... more life-like? so it's very ironic to me #that Alive ambrose went and tried to turn himself into a statue. with part of the draw being contrapposto.. like?????#ah yes you like this sculpture because it's lifelike. and you'd rather be a sculpture than alive huh. the contrasts are !! in my head #also maybe i just.. wanted to paint... idk i had ambrose on the brain yesterday and it was something about sculptural messed up perfection #fun fact!!! the skin and hair i all greyed out to look like marble. fun fact number two: he has no eyes in this. like no pupils :3 #fun fact number 3 (irrelevant) marble statues are only common wrt ancient greece bc the romans iirc came along and repurposed the bronzes.#because apparently bronze was a Hot Commodity at the time. and in return to preserve the art they made marble replicas. so most marble #ancient greek statues are apparently copies and the originals had totally different aesthetics #fun fact number 4: the background is a very greyed out image of my broken ceramics.. i wanted something nice to come out of it at least #fun fact number 5: i wanted to make him crack. like shattered ceramic or smth. that was the original idea. but instead it went to the pretty #sculpture route... kinda wanna make the messed up one though!!#fun fact number 6! because of Art Studio i'm covered in white paint and like it doesn't come off so it's been on my fingers and arms and #basically everywhere. so flesh turning into white stuff aes is fascinating i wanna explore... fun fact no.7.. i have accidentally maybe #began using screenshots as drawing practice. idk what to do with this info. if anything nice turns up ig i'll post it maybe

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boyruggeroii · 6 days

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Reading Stazio's Thebaid (and watching L'Odissea 1968 rai miniserie), it's terrifying how the greek gods mess with people's minds to reach their ends. Zeus wants to destroy two cities, Thebes and Argo, and instead of bringing about a forerunner Sodom and Gomorrah (or second, I'm fuzzy on the timeline), he plants the thought in Etheocles' mind that he want to keep the kingship for himself and inspires bloodlust and a desire for war in the youths of Argo. He puppets the two cities by effectively stripping their leaders of wants, thoughs and personality and puppeteering them into a war no one wanted. We don't even know if the desire to keep Thebes was always there in Etheocles or if it's all Zeus' creation.

Basically, it never matters what a mortal wants, not because a god can effortlessly overpower them, but because a god can easily make it so that they never wanted anything other than what the god desires them to want. It's horrible. You can never know if what you wish and think is truly something that comes from you or if a god planted it so that you'd do their will

#of course this isn't limited to the Odyssey and the Thebaid #but I didn't pay as much attention to it before I guess #or rather. the gods often plant/elicit emotions in people #mostly lust and love. you know how it is. Phedra - the mother of the minotaur whose name I can't remember rn - ecc #but in the Thebaid it happens to an impressive scale. Entire cities #and all because Zeus has decided that they will destroy each others as punishment #idk this is very much one of those 'I knew but am only now Realising' moments #it's impressive #I've always loved myths but I've never read that much greek and roman literature so I'm sure this has been #whatever I'm not self flagellating on my own post #epica #it's interesting though because the judeo christian god afaik doesn't do this #it mostly causes natural phenomena and makes things happen in people's lives #either by destroying something of theirs or by gifting them something #but he never messes with their thoughts #but I could be wrong #but as someone that doesn't believe in any god I wonder what it must be like to live in a world #full of gods that can change you completely to their whim #rewrite your personality whenever it suits them #but then they can also take an interest in you and destroy your life while leaving you perfectly aware of everything #why would you ever believe in such a world

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dbphantom · 4 months

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you know if you guys voted for stretch armstrong i probably would have shut up a lot sooner tonight

#so really this is all your fault /lh /j #i love thinking about h2o tho so im happy #VERY FUCKING TIRED THO WISH I COULD SLEEP #i think my brain is kicking into overdrive after being filled with cotton the past 3 days which. hey im glad ur back bud #CAN YOU SHUT UP NOW I NEED REST #i was just thinking because im probably not posting that essay i will summarize here (i saw #that privating it made it lose like 4 recently edited paragraphs and i don't want to type all that out again my memory isn't good enough)#it just boiled down to the pods basically making a self fulfilling prophecy by orphaning their sons and making them increasingly #desperate for connections to other people like them which is why i think erik behaves the way he does esp when ondina is around #like i am not excusing his actions in the slightest dont get me wrong here he really fucked up BUT #his last conversation with ondina before he goes to the chamber kind of sold that idea to me #how he scoffs at her saying rita says it's dangerous because she's 'old school' and of COURSE old school mermaids think all mermen are evil #and then starts adding on how he wants to do this for HER and get her home back for her by controlling it #like a bit of an add-on at the end to try and convince her #i think what he really wants is to be hailed as a hero. you know. validation and acceptance from the ppl who originally abandoned him #the OGs who made him feel like an outsider. the ppl who ripped everything away from him just bc of the way he was born (which is prob why #when he's trying to convince zac to help him he keeps bringing up their ancestors bc that's what unifies them)#i don't think he's an evil dude per se i think he thought stealing the trident stone from rita's grotto would be small peanuts in the past #once he finally got the pod to come home bc he genuinely (mistakenly) believed he COULD control the power of the chamber #i also think that's why the camera keeps focusing on his face when he's watching the others panic over #zac's sacrifice and i think he is feeling jealousy bc they are paying attention to him and not Erik #like that's not the face of someone who deeply regrets what they just did. my guy is just sitting there like 'that should be me rn'#i think that is why he also sounds so desperate to make things right with ondina afterwards. iirc he's just like 'wait no we can start ove #RIGHT?' and she's like 'uhhhh... no??????' (valid). my dude is lonely as fuck and he finally found a group of ppl like him and he messed up #big time just trying to get their attention and affection bc he couldn't just be normal abt it he had to go big or go home #like i kind of feel bad for him in a way #but i feel bad for everyone #i felt bad for denman the other day! that's how bad this is getting!!#i mean come on imagine making the scientific discovery of a LIFETIME only for all that shit to happen in a row #especially after you get your comeback. they just go right back to fucking you over again

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the-kipsabian · 8 months

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grieving

#i guess thats why i feel so gross rn #its just. gnawing on me. regrets. loneliness. im tired #thats probably why ive been so insistent on working on something at all times. i dont like being alone with my thoughts #and now that i have a moment of silence its just. so loud #getting constant updates doesnt help. seeing my parents fight about it doesnt help. seeing others grieving differently doesnt help #i dont. i dont know #i dont think im gonna come to terms with any of this any time soon #i wasnt that close with my grandpa the past few years since covid but he was always there when i grew up without a dad #he was always a good person when i was a child. as i was an adult a little less so but thats how it goes right? and old people are like tha #it doesnt help that my mom doesnt talk very kindly of him. she loved her dad but is also very mean about him #i dont know. its so difficult for me to grasp #i dont know what to do with grief. it hurts but both not enough and also an overwhelming amount #i just...#funerals next week. i dont wanna do this #night is an absolute mess on main #im just afraid of losing everything. my family has never been that big and now both of my grandparents are gone #and my stepdads family has never accepted me in really so its. i dont know where i belong #it just hurts. i know i have people around but it feels like everyones leaving #i dont want to be alone. i cant

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chryzuree · 10 months

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chryzure should have a cult pop up based on their legend. the goddess of many names and her cursed lover or something like that. in one life (one where azure had lost his mind a bit, it’s okay), azure wound up taking leadership of the cult for a mo. they show back up in another life and chrysi sees what insanity does to her soulmate and she’s like “man, what the FUCK. i’m not a god. you aren’t either.” & azure’s like “speak for yourself” what does that mean????????? what does that MEAN

#memorie.txt #s.chryzure #azure warned chrysi he sometimes loses it in certain lives #based on if he remembered everything the previous life or not #but that was the first time chrysi had seen what happens when he loses it. um. okay. you didn’t need to start a cult over me but uh #it’s also funny because when azure died in that previous life he ‘foretold’ he’d be reborn #but in the next life he’s well-adjusted again so when his prev cult members ask him to lead them again he’s like OH. forgot abt that.#um my gf is back and im happy w her rn so probably not? thanks for asking though!!#?!!!!#reading tvl is messing w me. i have other thoughts in a lacroix-flavored insp way for a chryzure au #but i want to read qotd before i say anything …#but after i finish tvl im DEFS reading silver nitrate ‼️‼️‼️#i need to be caught up on all her work for reals this time..

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im-smart-i-swear · 1 year

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Does Jiro has ghost like abilities (possession, ability to levitate things, etc etc) or does she just live in Shiro's head?

when i created this au, i thought the best option would be for her to be unable to interact with the physical world in any way(including possesion), beacuse i really wanted to lean into her isolation and how it affects her....... and while thats something i still want to emphasise here, lately ive been toying with the idea of jiro being able to impact the physical world somehow(though it still being fairly limited). i think letting her have some control could have a lot of potential! buuuut i also have no idea what abilities i want her to have lol

For now i think im not gonna give her any telekinetic abilities, bc i feel like it would be giving her too much power......... if she could throw shit, shed go APESHIT with it. it would made things too easy for her. i'm sorry babygirl but i'm NOT giving you the possibilty to throw knives and other sharp objects, i dont trust you to not kill someone:/

i really like the idea of her being able to temporarily posses her old body in certain circumstances tho- maybe when shiros uncouncious?? or like when hes is very tired or heavily injured she can kind of 'squeeze through' and take control back for a few minutes???? idk. i think this could be a very cool ability to give her- it cant be frequently used but can also be very helpful, and also theres so much potential for ✨shenanigans✨here>:) oh god i could put these fuckers in so many Situations with this..........

uhhh. so basically i think all of her influence on the physical world are through shiro. shes here bc of her connection to her old body, and thus its the only way for her to interact with anyone besides him- and shes NOT HAPPY about this(neither is shiro).

#ask #thank you for this ask!! it made me think more in depth about jiros abilities and come up with this so thanks<33333 #if you have any ideas pls share them with me cause im still not really 100% set on everything lol #also im making a new tag for this au ->#two disasters au #bc. theres two of them.. and theyre both Mentally Unwell #also im gonna use this ask as an excuse to ramble about jiros motivation and character a bit-#okay. so i feel like the most importrant things about jiro are her tunnel vision and self-rightiousness #she gets really focused on one thing at a time and then fixates on it so much that she doesnt see how her behavior affects others #so when she gets evicted from her own body her first reaction isnt 'oh god this is such a messed up and dehumanizing thing to do to your #friend. what the FUCK guys'#its instead 'oh COME ON how am i supposed to be the black paladin without a physical body??? what the FUCK guys'#and bc deep down she KNOWS that if she ever stopped and thought about her situation for like 5 seconds shed just fuckin BREAK. so. she #doesnt do that.#and bc her self worth hinges on being the black paladin #she is really protective of tha title and tries her hardest to make sure shiro knows just how much better at paladin-ing she is than him #and that he wouldnt be able to keep the role without her help #she doesnt have any sense of personhood besides her job and so she clings to it desperately #the same applies to her gender #when jiro gets a new body(did i mention that???? i feel like i forgot to mention that. whoopsie???) he #(sometimes im gonna use he/him for jiro for when im showing things from a certain characters perspective cause thats what pronouns #she was using at the time)(if thats not okay i can stop tho) was trying very hard to pretend that hes just Shiro No. 2 and nothing more #to kinda 'make things easier for everyone' and bc he could FEEL the gender crisis approaching and was just. dead set on ignoring it and #hoping those feelings would go away(spoiler- they very much didnt. it just made things so so much Worse)#so anyway. basically jiro is a person obsesed with being Good Enough and respected but also lacks the experience patience and foresight #wnich results in her ignoring everyone and everything else to focus on doing her job Correctly #does this makes sense?? im still figuring shit out with her but thats what ive got rn

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noxtivagus · 2 years

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i remember again n feel better hehe 🥹🤍

#🌙.rambles #thought i'd just ramble abt this to my notes but maybe a fellow wanderer wld come across this #i mean. aside from a few irls that could very much stumble across this.. i get shy n embarrassed at the though of it but OH WELL HDKGJSKDS #majority here r basically friends acquaintances n strangers that essentially don't know. like my real name or address or wtvr.#basically we don't know each other irl directly so it's somehow for some reason much easier for me to be open about how i feel in tumblr ta #s bcs 1) i write VERY long. very unlikely that someone wld read it unless they seeked it out for some reason that only they'd know #my brain's empty rn it's a bit of a mess but i feel better than just pure emptiness bcs i remember how #genuinely when it comes to other ppl.. despite how they may feel about their own selves. disappointed hatred wtvr #that. regardless of that i know that my own truth for them would be that i'll love them the same #let's say if i don't reach a certain standard for my own grades. say i usually get grades that r 90-100 often around the higher end too #but for one course i get vey slightly below the 90 mark. i'd feel like such a failure i'd feel like such a disappointment #so much so that i genuinely can't accept how others aren't disappointment in me despite how much of a failure i feel i am #turn the tables however; how do i react for others? even if. theoretically let's say they outright fail #i wouldn't think of them as anything less. it doesn't change anything bcs i genuinely love and care for the other wholly from the heart #they're my equal. they're my friend. yeah.. i rmb times in the past where i wld nearly break down from being around the passing score for #only 1 exam. i'd have friends that failed though. & i also forgot of how for other exams i basically got perfect or wtvr #it's so easy to just blind ourselves n focus on failure n forget. things that r most important #i deal with failure.. very badly honestly bcs i achieved very well as a kid. aside from stuff in filipino which uh. yeah trauma but um #maths n sciences n english or wtvr n nearly everything else i'd get easy perfects but i'd forget them over one disappointment #i struggled w that lately w my released grades n it still hurts the regret really hurts so much n i hate myself so much for it but #i'm.. trying to be kind n i've managed to feel like myself for a while today. progress. thats enough to be proud of #bcs yk knowing how others feel of their own selves n the way i treat them despite it. i cld at least try again to do the same for myself #say 10 years from now i'd be more thankful n happy if i forgave myself for it than destroyed myself in pursuit of doing better #more than. success in terms of grades i'd much rather grow n develop as a person #that said recently i've had so much anxiety w reaching out to ppl n i reply slowly but i'm trying to do better #bcs yesterday i rmb feeling so low that i really wanted to reach out to someone.. that's a whole nother lvl of pain for me bcs that means #my hopelessness reached a level enough that i knew i really needed comfort n support or i'll break #indirectly. helping you made me realize n remember myself. n i felt well enough to reach out once more.. i'm too shy to say directly but #thank you very much for that. it means more to me than you'll ever know

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astrxealis · 2 years

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sometimes i think of scenarios in my head with my ocs and then sometimes for happy brain i kinda crossover them with my favorite medias atm and also insert myself in bcs i like being self-indulgent and yeah my brain is so fucked up that i just keep repeating the same first bits and can't get far in thinking and i end up just having my s/i ramble my thoughts and it's hard to explain but yeah but anyways it's interesting thinking about who or what my ocs would like in video games or colors or whatever because all my ocs seem to reflect a certain part of me and i can get into the psychology of that but also its hard to explain my thoughts but also anyways yeah i find it interesting thinking about who my ocs would kin

#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚#feel free to just ignore me oopsies i am just rambling but yeah i love my ocs so much #sorry besties you are all subject once more to my brainrots and rambles and random thoughts now that i am on tumblr rn #my brain is very interesting to me and the way i think but also i can't properly think in such a way and i find it really hard to explain #and i'm such a mess but also man i don't know and i'm going off-track and god i love vgm so much and i don't want to do homework #but anyways back to the goddamn point !!! so my oc merle. i have little crossover thoughts in my head right and i realize #he's similar with akira and then it makes sense as to why i like characters like akira and it's a little woa fr bcs #the way i imagine merle is really similar to akira actually but with a more purple color scheme (but still dark) and he doesn't wear #glasses (at least. wait. actually. i don't really know anymore) GOD my mind never stops but yeah uhm yeah #i think humans are so unbelievably interesting and it's all just so fascinating and and and #also i've awakened to the fact i really like sharks i think they're very cute! i still prefer dolphins though #people who hurt animals make me really angry and sad... i think about it and already want to cry #i have never had a pet but my grandparents had lots and it's funny how memory works. i forgot they once had a pet turtle #until something in a school group project involved my group involving a pet turtle in our storyline for something #and then i remember that past. my past. once again. and clearly even! and... yeah #but yeah... i know i will never abandon my pet if ever i do get a pet. or pets. i would never do that and i really know this is a fact with #all my heart but what's stopping me from getting a pet is that i need to take better care of myself first and learn how to take care of #pets! i think where i live there's actually an opportunity for me to do so. i'll try to see more about that. and hmm... this is a really #busy year for school. and then the next. and then tbh everything onwards from 2023 so... i don't want to put time to something #i'm not even sure if i can really make time for. but. i think i really do want a pet! a dog esp. but also a cat. but a dog esp #bcs i've always wanted one !! i know when it comes to something i really want i am very dedicated and passionate #like how i already calculated xiv expenses months before actually got the game? and planned how me and lune would do things too #and then because i want to handle money better and take note of all that i yeah and yeah and yeah im tired of typing now BYE #will now disappear again after rambling quite a lot ^__^ maybe? maybe not? who knows!#my thoughts are so. whack. wack? idk. but uhm yeah it went from ocs to sharks to pets to money and idk huh #man w some things i'm really shy about being perceived or asked about. like my ocs. egbhebgjhbjehs ;;;;;#and people being nice to me T__T sorry i rlly appreciate it but i can't really comprehend it and my coping mechanism is avoidance

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kindacreepy-kindaugly · 5 months

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N I guess it's cause of him bein how we try to make sense of whatever happened that thinkin about it makes me wanna run back to him

#also maybe. him so we don't ever feel that way abt who it was back then #cause no matter what he does to me it's still safer cause it's only inside our head #n it shouldn't even be smth that needs sayin cause it's puttin the bar so fucking low but #he's also just. better than whoever it was. cause he'd never put his hands on a fucking kid. it's the only hard line he draws for himself #or i mean it doesn't even need drawin he's disgusted by just the thought. the way y'know any normal decent person would be #n i know it rly fucks w/ him that he's introjected stuff from someone like that #he just tries to ignore it n leans into the source stuff instead #so w/ the way i feel scared right now....he feels like someone safe. i know he's not rly but.#it's.....the attention. the approval. the doin what i feel i should be doin but for him instead of the person who hurt us irl #my head hurts #i think maybe for tonight he'll protect me. cause he doesn't wanna be compared to that person ever. so i think he wouldn't do anything rn #it's probably not a smart idea cause it'll still mess w/ my head trick me into thinkin i can trust him but...everything's too fucking much #n i feel like i need to make sure i'm right about him. that just knowing who's role he'd be playin will make him not wanna do anything #i need to know #spdrvent

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sensitivegoblin · 5 months

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Is there anyone religious in the kink space?

I'm a Christian and I need to vent/get comfort cus I dunno what's wrong with me I'm dissociating so much and have so much anxiety and my head won't stop spinning about things

My dad says it's just anxiety hitting my body after being sick but I wish he could see inside my brain just to make sure I'm scared kinda :(