#i thought i would die young
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Today I noticed that I have wrinkles. But thankfully they were mostly laugh lines. I've had grey hairs for years, but tonight I noticed so many more.
But you know what this means, it means I'm here. I'm alive. And I have survived thus far. That I am both strong and very lucky.
These marks of aging are a crown that I will wear proudly
#aging is not something to fear#it is a sign that you are still here#and it is a gift#something to be grateful for and proud of#i thought i would die young#and not only have i not but i beat#the 27 club#thank fuck#mostly for not wanting to die every day#healing#growing#aging#pro-aging#wrinkles#grey hair#grey hairs#wear sunscreen#i do forget that sometimes
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Chosen Ones
#buffy the vampire slayer#btvs#buffy summers#rupert giles#kendra young#Faith Lehan#the council#andy drawz#MANY THOUGHTS MANY FEELINGS ON THEIR RELATIONSHIP!#both of them getting what the other one wanted so much.#buffy having a normal childhood vs giles having a life in adulthood outside of the council.#both having their fates presented a young age unknowing of the consequences of accepting it.#the council seeing them both as tools that arent very useful and would rather them both die...ARG#I would also like to say: art LOOSELY based off the song revelaton by Balance and Composure#we are the same / the dark is all we know / I hope you see it / don’t let it go#ok ill shut up now
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Everything else aside, imagine uploading your little cousins sex video to the internet (that you took without consent and without him knowing) that would also out him for some petty revenge reasons and then five seconds later you find out he solved one of your biggest worries out of kindness how do you even go to sleep ever again
#I would die#like I wouldn’t out anyone regardless but omg#I think about August a lot#young royals silly thoughts
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.~
#not a vent just a journal entry (feel free to scroll past; there is no snz here and this is also not that interesting)#realizing now that i never thought of myself as#someone whose absence would register to others in any other way than just neutral/detached recognition?#phrasing this really badly and i am truly going to delete this later bc it is embarrassing LOL#i think when i was young and posting all this fic into questionable places (the f*rum) i was like#(@ an unfinished work of mine) no way anyone could be bothered by these cliffhangers 👍 they can just imagine the ending#even though i would frequently be bothered by other people's cliffhangers. that exact same principle just wouldn't apply to me in my head#and when i did not respond to people i was like.. i'm sure i wasn't really an important part of their lives so they won't mind it#if i stepped away?#i never really entertained the concept of people missing me or looking forward to my responses 😭 i never thought of myself as someone worth#missing... so when i disappeared it was always with little to no sense of guilt. i think even now i struggle with#seeing myself as someone that inhabits like a tangible enough space in other people's lives that my absence would be felt#(and i don't mean that in a morbid way. and i do recognize that it's quite hypocritical)#on the flipside of things i frequently miss people and look forward to their responses. and sometimes i wonder like#do they all know? do they all know that i miss them because they somehow understand this aspect of human nature better than i do?#or are they in the dark like i am? are these things assumed or are they only known when they are said... 😭#i am a little bit of a coward so i am not saying anything (also because can you even say this kind of thing to someone??#i would probably die of embarrassment) but#how strange it is to have someone suddenly inhabit a space in your life that is substantial enough that#when they're gone you feel that space open up and you miss them#the few times in my life people have conveyed that sentiment to me i remember feeling puzzled that my presence could have that kind of#weight to them. i think my problem is that i purposefully do not read between the lines if the conclusion is something favorable towards me#because i don't want to bank on something good that might or might not be true 😭 anyways this is way too long already. if you read this#then good morning or goodnight
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man the bear SS3 EP6
#the thing that it’s almost impossible for older people to find new jobs#that corporates would just kick you out at any moment#the age limit on most job requirements makes my blood boil like the wdym you don’t hire people over 35. do people die at 40 or what#Tina job hunting and getting rejected over & over breaks my heart like#I know people over 40 getting fired during covid and they were being thrown into the void#bc every place just wants passionate young people with lower salary base#and the fact that some people just. don't have dreams#mikey stays in a family restaurant and tina works routine jobs#neither has that kind of fire or passion in what they do. they simply want to feed their family and be with people they love#I like the way that it’s not depicted in such a negative light as it usually does in media#It’s not positive either. it’s just neutral. natural.#maybe having big dreams is just not for everyone and that’s okay. It doesn’t mean you're soulless zombie#but the way mikey talks about carmy is exactly the same way I thought about many people I know#I get it. part of me would do anything if it could support myself and loved ones#but man at the same time I’m jealous as hell and would give anything to be one of those people#who know exactly what they want with dreams to chase after#that’s the dream. the dream is to have dreams.#delete later
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Puff and stuff series where the jjk men get you high and stuff you with cock
#i wrote this while high#but i don't see nanami doing it#UNLESS ITS YOUNG ADULT NANAMI#omg and he doesn't understand being high at ALL but what he does know is if you keep sucking him like that he's gonna fucking die#wait omg#thoughts#so many thoughts#jujutsu kaisen smut#jjk smut#jjk#jjk x reader#mo speaks#im talking out of my ass#Yuuta would fucking giggle in every kiss then go slack jawed once he's inside of you#getou fixes his cotton mouth by being my favorite little munch <3#toji is making you suck him no questions asked
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made a Hozier songs alignment chart
#hozier#wasteland baby#unreal unearth#eat your young#alignment chart#honestly i thought more songs would be on the 'end of the world' side#but 'horny' and 'i would die for her' being really crowded checks out#also i know not every song is here but i didnt know where to put some of em
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so like. Question. Are Stan and Fords parents still alive? Bc if they’re pushing 70, then it’s entirely likely they’re Not. And if they are dead then like. Whats that vibe??
#gravity falls#Bc also doing da math#They were pushing 30 when Ford fell/was pushed into the portal#And when Stan dedicated his life to bringing him back#Parents usually dont die of natural causes that young#So if they did die#It would probably have been when Ford was in another dimension#And everyone thought Stan was dead#I assume Shermie wouldve called#How did that conversation go?#Actually#given that the parents sent Mabel and Dipper to live with “Ford” for 3 months with no worries#It seems likely that Stan probably stayed in contact with Shermie a decent amount#(Assuming they died while Ford was in the portal still) did Stan go to a funeral?#How would he have felt about that#All questions I have
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do yall ever think about how zenith is 22
#I'm 22 and I would die in this situation 👍#my source for this is the part in one of the very early episodes where dak was trying to convince some random waitress that it's Z's#birthday so they can get free cake. and he's like ''my buddy zenith here is turning 26'' and z is like ''you know i'm 22''#so I'm just assuming he was telling the truth there#furthermore he specifically said he turned 22 three months ago so he's a young 22#I'm waiting for my car while it's in the shop and I have to pass my time by having crazy thoughts about inconsequential neoscum details
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this man is pissing me off
#the ballad of songbirds and snakes#first it was with his annoying ass thoughts about the superiority of the capital and the dehumanisation of the districts#but now he's having like. NORMAL thoughts. that would be EXPECTED when living in a dystopia#he's seen two classmates die and realised it could've been him and that sejanus saying the capitol not protecting its citizens had merit#and he started acting like a decent human being about lucy gray's situation#forgetting about his own bullshit in the face of her suffering because it's clear that hers is more immediately concerning#the parallels between katniss and coryo drive me INSANE#they've both impoverished young adults who've been in survival mode trying to keep their families from starving to death#forced to actually acknowledge the real world and decide on their own sense of morality#with good influences trying to push them towards the right side#eg. katniss having gale and peeta's voices in her head when she makes a stand for rue#but i KNOW snow doesn't listen to lucy gray and sejanus#i KNOW he doesn't#i've seen the ending! so the possibility of him getting over himself and becoming better is pissing me off because i know he doesn't!!!!#it would be so much easier if he was pure evil. it would be so much less infuriating and so much less horrifying but he's not#he had the potential for goodness and instead he murdered countless people#including thousands of children and any political opponents who got in his way#AND ALSO LUCY GRAY AND SEJANUS#(lucy gray's fate is a mystery but he still chose to kill her and that at least changed HIM)#i hate this. these books are so good i HATE IT#but also some of these lines are so ironic#his tendency towards obsession is likely to kill him one day if he doesn't learn to outsmart it#almost like an obsession with the mockingjay#and calling dr. gaul crazy for her extreme measures to ensure he doesn't lie to her#when he ends up doing the exact same thing to katniss#maybe minus the overt show of violence but like. he doesn't have to. he's in her house threatening her loved ones#it's so fascinating#i want to eat it#but i won't cause i haven't finished reading yet
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I'm so not okay about how Spiral ended, because my mind keeps coming back to badly beaten up Schenk, escaping the factory, and I can't not imagine him going back to his small rented flat, where he just stumbling to the bathroom, sits on the floor, and coughs up blood. There's ringing in his ears, that's not going away, and he closes his eyes, because this darkness, this nothingness is somewhat comforting, and he just thinks about everything that happened, and everything sucks, but he knows: even though he's alone, he should keep going.
#william schenk is the cutest little meow meow and that's the hill i'm going to die on#sure he builds death traps and he skinned a person but nobody's perfect you know#but i actually adore how smart and resourceful he is#also very dedicated to his morals#and determined#and he's very young like damn he's a genius in my eyes#yet so lonely#really want to see him interact with logan or lawrence or mark i just know they would get along#apprentices team up my beloved#the tags have become a garbage dump for all my schenk's thoughts tbh#william schenk#spiral from the book of saw#saw franchise#saw 2005#lina shares headcanons
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today i experienced probably the single most traumatic event in my entire medical history.
#i can't even put into words how much worse it was than i thought it would be#id rather die than do it again#but i have to#fucking cancer#accept dying young or MAYBE get a miracle by going through actual physical torture#they could use this shit at Guantanamo Bay it's so fucking bad#I'm so upset#chatter#round 2
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pertaining to the idea of tenax’s band of strays i do think it’s touching that the kids are the ones who saved him and waited outside the door to make sure he’s okay. for all tenax claims to be harsh and cruel it’s a fine indicator of his character that the kids won’t rest without him and are there every time he’s in danger.
#AND I CAN’T FUCKING BELIEVE I HAD THEM STEALING THEIR WAY OMTO#THE PLATFORMS WHAT DO YOU MEANNNNNNN oh i love being right#also that all the kids are there watching when he kills the guy whose name i forget because i simply cannot hold names in my brain but the#evil one. who i was like oh thank GOD he died i was so sick of this plot he kept killing everyone & i screeched when he almost got claudia#something something calla saying ‘you’re not a child anymore’ about tenax’s cruelty to the brothers (which in my twisted narratives. sorry.#there’s only one scorpus who KNEW the child tenax was. the child he’s still healing and caring for. all of the children whose eyes he looks#into and sees a hurt that’s just like his? the children tenax saved whether he’ll admit it or not? scorpus saved him. and that’s all)#(also this is a terrible thing to say i knew it about but like. oh i knew it about the master of the house. tenax making sure NO ONE#touches the kids or does anything with them really but Claudia and him—the people he trusts which also now includes calla but he makes sure#it’s someone he knows. also do we have a claudia backstory??? or would i just get to invent a reason why she’s there and what she’s doing#and why she’s so loyal to tenax. did she also see the child he was and that’s why she’s so protective of him but also why she gets along#with calla so well because the two of them see how he’s festered in that. like calla fully has the rights here i think she should rip him a#new one for his lack of decency and good qualities he can be corrupt without being cruel y’know. and he should be called out on his#peter pan ass behavior you’re not a child!! there are such consequences!!! dream a little bigger a little kinder!!! change the dream you#made up with scorpus when you were a young angry teenager and make it fit who you are NOW. the life you want NOW not the life you thought#you should have & deserved. what did you learn from growing up. what changed. what do you need now & what do you want. not the same things#and i too wish that this was 30k and covered their entire backstory#BUT IN THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION of i also need it to be 100k canon-divergent (presumably. i’m only through episode eight. but i can’t imagine#that they will follow the plot EYE would write because they need to have a second season & you can’t have that without conflict which means#titus overthrown scorpus is gonna die metaphorically or literally etc etc the gold faction in shambles but technically triumphant with#domitian on the throne and tenax in a position of patrician power accepted into their society but still not equal and happy. whereas lmao#domitian you’re getting shipped off to some other city because your plot to overthrow titus failed and yet he is merciful enough he won’t#kill you he just sends you and hermes together (at which point over the months long journey you forgive and re-learn each other bc titus#didn’t know of the betrayal he thought it would be kind to send your (ex-)lover with you. do we see how this works perfectly) & tenax falls#back into the underworld where he now knows he belongs because blood is everything except when it isn’t. when he realizes what he has is#worth more. no matter if the blood he has is tainted or patrician the blood oath he swore with scorpus iron on their tongues means more.#calla’s split lip defending him and their winnings. kwaame’s blood on the hard packed sand of the arena fighting to stay alive and to come#home to them. the fire in aura’s cheeks when she laughs at ivy. SURPRISEEEE EVERY NARRATIVE IS A FOUND FAMILY I GUESS IT SPRUNG ON ME TOO.#and tenax doesn’t mind a little dirt and bribery every now and then. doesn’t aspire to former heights and shining brilliant out of shadows.#the gaudiness of gold &flash of fools’ dreams. YES CAN I FINALLY PLS GET MY BLACK FACTION TO REPLACE THE ILL-FATED GOLD THATLL COLLAPSE W/D
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feeling so normal about li bing and qiu qingzhi btw
#their dynamic is fascinating no matter which medium you choose#but the cdrama's choice to deep dive on the 'old friend' deal and all that entails just hit my specific niche so hard#idk what it's like to experience the cdrama when you haven't got the donghua in the back of your head but as someone who did?#the irony was so much. despite the changes enough was kept intact that going in I knew two things for sure:#1) despite seeming antagonism they do both care for each other. 2) qqz was never getting out alive.#was sad to see the li bing|li bao stuff get dropped but the new backstory worked + explained the differing characterisation for lb rly well#white cat legend#white cat legend spoilers#<- for my own tags oops#no but like. the way that lb admitted he always thought he'd die young but maybe he could live on through qqz#and then in the end it's lb left alone with no choice to die even if he wanted to. whilst qqz would rather die than become a 'monster'.#and he meant it in a different way (addiction metaphor) but lb had his own worries that his demon state meant he was now a monster.#sth sth choices about living and dying and being a 'monster' and how lb had support but qqz was surrounded on all sides by wolves#he chose to be there because he had to be to survive. as a former slave he knew he had limited choices. but it's still so....
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wwii era poster featuring "in flanders fields" and the wwi vimy memorial
#fic ramblings#anne of green gables#how certain the journey#come back home#getting to a Certain Part in hctj and am having Thoughts#when writing abt walter's poetry career i often kinda sub in “the piper” wherever i see “in flanders fields” used#since it's clearly meant to evoke IFF or even BE it#which makes me wonder if IFF even exists in the aogg verse#or if it does if it still occupies the place in history that it does IRL. since the piper kind of replaces it#which kind of throws the poppy as a WWI symbol all out of whack too#in the aogg verse everyone wears pied piper pins on remembrance day#also sometimes i wrestle with 'would the piper/walter even be as famous if he didn't die young' but idk the answer to that yet
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pls i agree with the previous anon. like i need to see how your mind works. LIKE THE AMOUNT OF LORE YOU PUT INTO THIS STORY? no wonder you was struggling to write this chapter. no wonder you had to split it. YOURE PUTTING EVERYTHING INTO IT. i adore you.
i just love how you do megumi justice. like from what we hear from others (oh my god he was such a menace. jumping out of vehicles? biting people? willing to summon his ace just to spite everyone? trying to electrocute his uncle?) he has so much fire in him. he’s such a little shit. i love him. i’m so tired of everyone portraying him as some emotionless bland character. the dudebros don’t know him the way i do 🙁.
i’m honestly just itching to see yuuta spill the beans on his attachment to megumi like…would gojo actually be willing to kick that kid ass. IF ANYTHING gojo should consider this a win. the son he birthed from his gojoussy (i was there. i was the one cutting the cord ofc shh) has a loyal protector.
but in all honesty i have so many theories. like about mai, she might pop out to get the books & shit for her nephew? who knowsss.
the answer to how my mind works is “not well.” imagine a waiting room where the staff are only in attendance for 30 minutes per day (it’s never the same 30 minutes) and there is a hamster inexplicably lose. there are fish tanks but they are empty ones. you do not know what the business is or why you are waiting. dont stop me now by queen is playing on endless loop
#you cannot convince me that baby Megumi was not completely feral#that’s a kid who bit people I’ll die on that hill#there is something about Mahoraga that convinces me that it’s just the ultimate act of reclaiming control for Megumi#fundamentally Megumi does not have control over his own life#from a very young age he was locked into a profession that /would/ kill him one day#and again and again he displays this almost suicidal decision to summon something /guaranteed/ to kill him whenever he thinks hes going down#megumi never got to decide his life but by god he has decided upon his death#I think a part of him has always felt doomed from the beginning and got a bit of solace in knowing he’d die on his terms#he would die but he would not die having been beaten#like I think you just CANNOT underestimate the twisted relief that can be gotten from controlling the way you die after you’ve spent your#entire life under the shadow of your own death sentence#of course this means that the Zenin took even that comfort from him#megumi thought he was going to die and it was going to be in a way that robbed him of the only control he ever had#there’s a unique helplessness in that#I think the fact that he couldn’t even die on his terms hurt him more deeply than almost anything the Zenin did to him#he spent his entire life knowing he had an ace that couldn’t be taken from him and they still managed it#the Zenin made him feel weak as a child when they were abusing him#they made him feel weak when they spent that week hurting him#and they took away the only thing that ever made him feel truly strong#he wanted to hurt them back and it was a tremendous loss to not even have that#sea glass gardens
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