#i thought i was mostly past it but i have basically no strength still

[imabiscuitinthousandworlds]

i can't. fucking. god. i can't anymore

[uyuforu]

Uyu' Summary of Compatibility Charts:

「 ✦ I thought it would be good to make a summary about all of the compatibility charts and know exactly what is what, so people who are new to astrology will not be lost before reading the posts :) Do not forget that those can also be used with family and friends! It's not only love related! ✦ 」

⋆˖⁺‧₊☽ Synastry ☾₊‧⁺˖⋆

ִ ࣪𖤐 Basic Synastry

⟢ Basic Synastry is just taking two natal charts and putting them against each other. It shows how each individual feels about the other. It can also show how the two met, and their feelings at that moment. The basic Synastry also shows the strengths and challenges each face with the other. It's the most basic and well known method about compatibility, even if I think personally, a compatibility cannot be made just with basic synastry. A relationship changes with time, we can't base ourselves with only that.

ִ ࣪𖤐 Persona Charts Synastry

⟢ This is another form of Synastry. Persona Charts are charts based on a planet (moon, venus, mars, etc.) or an Asteroid (Boda, Juno, Fama, etc.). So it's similar to basic Synastry: you take two persona charts (for ex: Juno) and you put them together. Depending on the topic of the persona charts, you will see a dynamic about two people. For example, Boda PC synastry will tell how those two will feel about each other during their wedding (if they have one of course).

ִ ࣪𖤐 Solar Return Synastry

⟢ This one is not something I have seen a lot around, but I like to use this as a way to see how two people's feelings and pov of the other will evolve with time! A Solar Return Chart is a chart that represent the return of your sun in its original sign (your sun sign). So basically, it's your birthday. So a SRC only last a year, and every years (starting on your birthday, and ending either a day before or the day of your birthday the next year) you get a new chart. It usually tells what will happen in your life that year. Synastry there could be a good thing to look at. You take two SRC of the same year and see the dynamic of the two people that certain year. You can see how it evolves.

ִ ࣪𖤐 Draconic Synastry

⟢ So this one if not very well known. But gonna talk about it anyway! It's still a Synastry technique. It shows the connection of two people but on a soul level. So it's more about how your souls feel about each other and if it's a fated connection. It can also show who were the two people in their past lives. It's a synastry quite difficult to understand, so it needs still some analysis.

⋆˖⁺‧₊☽ Composite ☾₊‧⁺˖⋆

⟢ So, a composite chart is a chart that is the result of adding two natal charts together. It's taking Person A + Person B= one chart that represent your relationship. It's really the same as a basic synastry but in one chart. So it shows the dynamic of the relationship, the purpose of the meeting, mutual challenges and strengths of the relationship.

⋆˖⁺‧₊☽ Davison ☾₊‧⁺˖⋆

⟢ Very similar to the Composite chart, but this one just a tiny different. Davison chart will be more about showing the feelings of each other, what do you feel. And the theme of the relationship (situationship, family, friends, lovers, spouse, etc.). You can take composite observations and still apply it to the Davison chart.

⋆˖⁺‧₊☽ Coalescent ☾₊‧⁺˖⋆

⟢ So, this is an interesting one and not so known? This is also like a Composite or a Davison but it's more about how the relationship will play out in the future. It's more, with time, how will your relationship be.

⋆˖⁺‧₊☽ Solar Return Composite Chart ☾₊‧⁺˖⋆

Same thing as Solar Return Synastry but with Composite instead. It will tell you about how your relationship develop over the years, or mostly during that particular solar return you choose. While the Synastry is good to see how you feel towards each other, what is happening between you two, who is doing what to the other one, the composite here will tell you how your relationship develop, and how your feelings for each other too.

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[weenwrites]

Hi, can I get headcannons about optimus prime with a human reader,where the reader is struggling with the fact that optimus chose jack over them to guard the key to vector sigma.(optimus is the guardian of the reader and the reader blames mostly themselves for being too weak,stupid and regretting every past traumatic experience they shared with optimus.They dont blame jack or optimus.)The reader tries to hide it bcs they dont want to embarrass themselves(as they see it) any further in front of optimus or burden him,but the thoughts that everyone dislikes them creep up again and so they become distant very quiet/serious.(Actually the reader is super intelligent,like ralphs level of smart,but in every possible area of knowledge not just science with great advices for everyone and everything,basically so caring deep down that they see it as weakness and hate themselves for it)Optimus knows whats wrong (he saw the readers hurt expression when he gave the key to jack despite the reader thinking that they were not noticed) and takes them for a drive after a long time to confront the reader about it.I would like like it as long and angsty as possible.

✎A/N: I'm assuming you mean angsty as in this is written from the Reader's POV, and we see all the self-deprecating thoughts and then Optimus approaches them, but my writing focuses more on the character than the reader insert, so I'm sorry if this isn't what you wanted.

[ Please do not repost, plagiarize, or use my writing for AI! Translating my work with proper credit is acceptable, but please ask first! ]

It's difficult to hide your feelings from him. He's very perceptive, much more than you'd expect, and even if he doesn't pick it up from you directly, he can pick it up from the way the rest of the team positively speaks about you. It's like how a kid thinks they're keeping something under wraps, but the adult already knows everything about it.

As your friend, he readily offers any and all support he can give. Optimus attempts to console you by expressing that by no means are your past contributions considered "small", and for each and every one, the team is grateful. But your worth isn't determined by your ability to contribute to the team, he's sure to add, as the team also values you as a friend whom they can look to for comfort or advice whenever they need it most.

He urges you to not let your own pain blind you from the truth, and he keeps reminding you of all the times you've aided the team in one way or another with your sharp wit and emotional intelligence, such as how you helped to coordinate the effort to seize the space bridge.

Though you see traits such as kindness as weaknesses, he sees them as some of your greatest strengths. Your compassion can be a source of hope and comfort that the team was able to draw from during their darkest hours. It can be difficult to recognize the affect you have on everyone around you, but it's there and he's seen the evidence. Even if you don't see it, you've changed the team's lives and he's grateful for your unwavering kindness, even in the face of adversity.

But he understands that internal conflicts can be among the most difficult to overcome, and so he knows that his words aren't an instant remedy to your insecurities. Your own doubt and insecurity can make you blind to your own strengths and exaggerate your weaknesses, making it hard to accept or believe any remotely positive thing that someone says about you. But Optimus wouldn't lie, these things he's said to you are true and honest, yet it's most likely still difficult to accept them at face value. That's alright, he'll sit through it with you.

[haleigh-sloth]

Alastor, the wild card

Okay, I have to get this out because it's driving me nuts not having it written down.

I watched Hazbin Hotel. I watched the pilot 4 years ago, immediately liked Alastor. 4 years go by and he gets put on the back burner, but now that the main series has begun, oohhhhh boy.

This is basically just me laying out everything I think is going on with/going to happen with Alastor--the seeming wild card--and then what I ultimately think his end game will somewhat look like. Alastor has a lot of different little plot points going on with him, that all point in different directions, but I believe will all end up pointing at one specific ending. I'll go through the different plot directions tied to him in a list but not in the particular order I think they will occur, because I'm really not sure of that yet other than the last:

Beef with the Vees, Vox specifically

Lucifer

His deal, in other words his "leash"

His relationship to the hotel and everyone in it

His relationship to Charlie

Not a long list but a lot of thoughts altogether so here goes.

The Vees and Vox:

I'll start here, but this ties into other stuff later. The Vees, very much MOSTLY Vox and Valentino, are problems. They're these media industrial overlords who own people (it's such a mystery what type of modern-day issues these 3 characters are touching on), and they exploit, take advantage of, and harm people. They're clearly antagonists, even if not the main ones at this time. Now for the sake of keeping this about Alastor, we're gonna focus on Vox, because obviously they have past beef. We don't know ALL the details of what it is (aside from Alastor rejecting Vox's offer), but we know it resulted in a fight in which he "almost" beat Vox. And it seems they were on decent terms at one point, evidenced by what looks like Vox's head in this torn out photo that Vox had pinned to his board in the finale:

Alastor has an ego. He's an overlord. A highly regarded one, and he's obviously strong. He writes off pretty much everyone around him. He doesn't seem to be afraid of anyone, or even remotely bothered by people who show up to attack him or the hotel. He only shows any kind of acknowledgement of someone else's strength when he goes to the overlord meeting in episode 3. But outside of that, he does not seem to give anyone else the time of day.

So that's really funny considering that when Vox starts trash talking him on TV, he takes the bait and gets competitive. He goes on the air, he trash talks back, he gets personal with it. And when Vox loses signal, Alastor continues sending a final, very sinister warning.

And he's not being his usual joke-y self. He's being serious. He's turning into his Wendigo-looking form, which is quite scary looking. We're supposed to take him seriously here because he's not writing Vox off. He is, for lack of a better way of putting it, taking Vox seriously as an opponent. He's being usually egotistical, but he's still putting more effort into this little social media battle than he has for (almost) any other opponent. And not to mention, Vox was shown in the pilot:

So, while this was pretty much shelved for the reason of season 1, it's coming back. And it's going to be an issue for everyone, including Alastor.

Lucifer:

This is going to be my second favorite section of this post. Because it's hilarious, and also somewhat endearing to me how he reacted to meeting Lucifer. I'm sure people noticed, but when Lucifer walked in and hugged Charlie, the frame moved up to show Alastor's face, and his eye was twitching in that moment.

Then a moment later they shake hands, and he wipes his hand off on his coat. And later Lucifer bumps into his arm when walking past him and he brushes his arm off-again. Clearly, Alastor does not like Lucifer. Now, I'm like 100% sure there are yet-to-be-revealed reasons for this that have not even been remotely touched on (Lilith), but there are some obvious guesses we can make based on what we now have in season 1.

There's the fact that Alastor's ego is present here. He points out Lucifer's height, in a condescending way. So that's a thing, but I think it goes beyond that. I'll dive into Alastor and Charlie toward the end, but I do think Charlie is part of the reason for his behavior in episode 5. Alastor is showing off his additions to the hotel, but he isn't really boasting about himself at this point. He's being very pointed about giving Charlie all of the credit, and he is very intentional about saying what an "impressive young lady" she is and saying how "VERY proud" THEY (meaning him and the others there) are of her. It's very odd and hilarious that he's pulling all of this out in front of her dad. I mean, I have my guesses, but given that Alastor then starts challenging her dad in a sing-off, saying he's a dud of a parent, and just straight up saying he could be her dad--I'd say Lucifer's lack of effort in Charlie bugs the shit out of Alastor. I'll explain more on that later, though.

The last point I'll make here to transition into the next section is that I'm sure Lilith has something to do with this disdain for Lucifer. However, I'm really not sure what side of Lilith Alastor knows. My guess is it isn't a good side though.

Which brings me to Alastor's "leash", the handler being Lilith.

I mean, this feels as on the nose as the Dabi is Touya theories. Alastor's been gone for 7 years. Lilith has been gone for 7 years. Vestial said he heard a rumor Alastor fell into "holy arms". We know Lilith is chillin in heaven (but other people don't..so again, mystery). Alastor won't tell anyone why he was gone. We know someone owns Alastor in some way right now. I mean....it's gotta be Lilith. It could be a red herring and be a complete surprise later, but it feels like something very obvious that we just won't get to see for a while and will have to wait in anticipation. Lilith is not painted in the best light right this second, but honestly it's impossible to tell whether she's actually Not Great or if there's layers to this. My guess is probably a little of both.

Alastor being involved with the hotel could be because of Lilith. That also feels somewhat obvious, though again, I'll dive into Charlie in a second.

Hazbin Hotel:

Things start to somewhat all tie together here.

Okay let's take this back to the pilot when Alastor introduced himself to the show. He said he views the hotel as an investment for entertainment, and a lost cause, and something to laugh about. He repeats this in episode 1 to remind everyone that he still views Charlie's vision as something impossible to achieve and something to laugh at. Howeverrrrrr--

We shouldn't ignore the fact that ever since he showed up to "help", under the guise that he thinks the hotel is a joke, he has given a lot more than he had originally stated he'd intended. For someone supposedly who enjoys watching others fail and fall into misery, he sure does put a lot of effort into something he considers to be a massive joke. And the funny thing is that he says in the pilot that redemption is impossible, but we literally KNOW IT'S NOT. Sir Pentious immediately brings Alastor's motive for involving himself with the hotel into question. Of course we have no idea how much Alastor actually knows about redemption, but we can't disregard the very real possibility that he's involved with Lilith (holy arms) and the very real possibility that he's aware of her whereabouts (heaven). We don't know all of those details yet. But what we do know is that all of Alastor's efforts are fueling something that is working. SO HIS EFFORTS ARE MAKING A DIFFERENCE..

So I guess that brings me to--what does he actually think of the hotel? Like reeeeaaallly think of it?

His behavior throughout the 8 episodes shifts significantly from the pilot and episode 1 even. He repeats it's a joke in episode 1. And then continues to put genuine efforts into keeping Charlie from giving up even when things get tough and she feels really beaten down. (I'll tie this into why I think he dislikes Lucifer in the Charlie sections).

I also am questioning his real vision of the hotel because it is certainly not something to be ignored that he put Husker and Niffty into the hotel--the hotel about redemption and salvation. Yeah, he's an overlord. He owns their souls. But he's forcing them to stay in a hotel that we literally already KNOW is going to save them in some way. Husker and Angel have their thing going, which will be a good thing. Niffty has a group of people who will protect her, evidenced by episode 6. So, again, Alastor's efforts are all leading to Charlie's hotel being nothing but successful (in the end). But yet he says it's all a joke.

And I think the biggest hint at there being something more here is that Alastor willingly put himself against Adam. And we KNOW that Alastor is leashed somehow. His wings are "clipped". And he ran off to go have a quick little break down in private about almost being killed because of this. Obviously his powers are shackled per his deal.

And yet? He still pit himself against Adam. Knowing this about himself. He also DID almost die for them--his friends, if we can assume he really meant that (I think later on that will be the case). This notion obviously bothers him, a lot. He went to his broadcast station and freaked out over the fact that he really did almost die for them. And then he still went back, knowing that they know he lost his fight. What a blow to his ego! He's the only one who lost and they all know it because they had to deal with Adam after he left.

I won't write off the possibility that he has to be there per some deal (assuming it's Lilith), but that doesn't negate the fact that his demeanor toward the hotel and everyone there changed from beginning of season 1 to the end.

We don't know yet what Alastor really thinks, yet. That's internal and won't be shown until later. But I don't think it's wise to take his word for it from the pilot and from episode 1, and then ignore everything that came after when it's obvious his behavior shows something else entirely.

Lastly, his relationship to Charlie ties everything together.

Again, this started off as a joke to him. He SAYS that he thinks Charlie is working for something impossible. And yet throughout the season he's been shown to be really endearing toward her.

I think my favorite part showing this was him telling her in episode 7 that "It's not like you've ever failed to inspire before." He meant himself. Because in that same sequence Charlie says she usually sings to get her point across but it never works. Except it did, because that's literally what brought Alastor to her doorstep.

That, plus Alastor's obvious disdain for her father that he shows when she isn't looking (the eye twitch), him trying to motivate her from giving up when she's all depressed, him singing about her with Rosie. I think he genuinely admires her and finds her inspiring, and genuinely likes her. Which is really interesting when you look at how he reacted to the presence of her father, and when you consider the very real possibility that he's very much indebted to her mother. Their dynamic is by far my favorite because Alastor is just very NOT easy to read.

However there is a problem that will come up later, and it's the deal he made with Charlie.

So now I'll try to tie everything together:

Alastor has this unsettled business with Vox. He isn't going to let it go. It's going to be a problem somehow. Alastor is stuck in a deal with someone, it's going to be a problem somehow. Alastor now has an unfulfilled deal with Charlie. It's going to be a problem somehow. Alastor hasn't made any vocal admittance that he doesn't view the hotel as a joke, so his front about it being impossible is still kind of there, and that's coupled with the fact that we know he's wrong. All of these things are obstacles to what I'm PRETTY SURE is going to be the hotel's final and biggest obstacle and success:

redeeming Alastor.

Before I go further I'm going to touch on the pilot here.

There are three very bold statements made in the pilot:

"Inside of every demon is a rainbow."

"Inside of every demon is a lost cause."

"He can't be redeemed."

Who is right?

Well, CHARLIE is the heart of the show. The core of what the show wants to portray--redemption and salvation. (Hams is probably right that she is a Jesus figure). I think the odds are in her favor. ALASTOR made a statement that we now have very solid undeniable evidence disproving, now that season 1 is over. So he's out. VAGGIE ended up having a dark and painful secret that she's done unforgivable things to Charlie's home. And yet, she's making the judgment call about Alastor? I think she's out. And also, her statement is the introduction to one of the biggest challenges in the show for Charlie. Because Charlie believes in the opposite of what Alastor and Vaggie are saying. And like I said, the odds are in Charlie's favor.

Now, Alastor obviously doesn't seem like the type to want redemption, or strive for that. Because I'm pretty sure he's not. For now, on the surface. There are a lot of negative things in his way. His beef with Vox and his deal shackling his powers that he wants freedom from. And I'd honestly bet money that those things will all stand in the way of Charlie redeeming him because he'll be focused on these things that keep him from wanting to do better and change--even though throughout season 1 he already showed slow but undeniable signs of changing, whether he wants to admit it or not.

But I think the point of his arc is to end up being someone who does want better. I think his obvious liking for Charlie is something that will save him from a dark and desperate place, a place we've kind of already gotten a peak into. And I think that at the end of the day, every ounce of effort he put into the hotel for Charlie, under the guise of it being for his entertainment, will all end up helping him the most out of everyone in the end.

And I'm very excited.

[mksbigg3stfan]

╭────── · · ୨୧ · · ──────╮

MCSM Ship Dynamics

╰────── · · ୨୧ · · ──────╯

(Just how I think different MCSM ships would work + my overall thoughts and opinons on them !!!

꒰ ୨୧ ─ ・┈ ・ ─ ・┈ ─ ・┈ ─ ・┈ ���꒱

Jesse x Lukas

Jesse and Lukas are like the bread and butter of MCSM ships, very basic but beloved for their closeness and banter. Jesse, no matter which route you take or choices you make, is a more extroverted character that is a strong leader. Generally, Jesse cares very much about their friends and is a pretty friendly person. It's mostly up to how the person individually perceives Jesse, but the most common interpretation of Jesse I've seen in Jesskas is that Jesse learns to admire Lukas as they travel together. Lukas usually falls for them as well, but in the "He fell first they fell harder" kind of way, lukas being the former.

I've also seen some interpretations of Jesse having a little crush on Lukas at the beginning of MCSM because they think he's cool. Overall, I think Jesskas would be a pretty healthy ship.

The two of them admire each other, and they accentuate each other's strengths well! Jesse got Lukas out of his shell and pushed him to improve, and Lukas hyped Jesse up and helped them grow into the hero they were in season 2.

Lukas as a character in season 1 doesn't exactly have confidence. Though he does have faith in some of his own strengths, and is the most likely character out of Olivia, Axel, and Jesse to disagree with Jesse, he still is always trying to keep people happy and try to keep conflict to a minimum. Not being an aggressive character doesn't mean he won't stand up for himself when needed, though. Even though Lukas wasn't exactly the leader of the Ocelots, they still sort of listened to him and considered his opinions in a way, so Lukas could probably hold his own on Aiden in an argument. The reason Lukas didn't argue with them as much was most likely because he believed that the Ocelots could change, but when he was proven wrong the arguments became more frequent and he got kicked out.

Jesse and Lukas in season 2 are very clearly closer, and it seems like they'd been hanging out a lot more before everyone became too busy to see each other more often. Still, in season 2, Lukas is belittled by Romeo, who brings up his old insecurities. He sees through Romeo's disguise because he and Jesse always lift each other up and encourage the other to improve. Lukas also seems to be a character that would show affection through words - like cheering people on or subtle physical affection - like a high five and the ever so often hug. Jesse, Olivia, and Axel definitely have become his safe place after the Ocelots kicked him out.

The only real critisism I can think of for Jesskas is that there was a lot of mischaracterization of Lukas in the past, and still some in the present, along with it kind of overshadowing a lot of other characters and ships.

Jesskas is very overdone, but there's nothing wrong with that! It's cute, albeit very basic. I don't really ship it, but I see where people are coming from, and it has the potential to be very cute!

꒰ ୨୧ ─ ・┈ ・ ─ ・┈ ─ ・┈ ─ ・┈ ꒱꒱

Jesse x Petra

Again, Jesse and Petra are a pretty basic, bread and jam type of ship. It's a little more complex than Lukas and Jesse, but not by much honestly. Petra is also a bit of a cool girl archetype, someone who's generally closed off from other people and doesn't like showing weakness due to fear of being seen as just that - weak. Only her weaknesses. She has trouble staying in one place for long or getting attached to things, but when she does, Petra holds on tight. While Lukas is just about as extroverted as Jesse, Petra is more introverted and selfish. She looks out for herself.

It's difficult to pin a characer for Jesse since, honestly, the different routes and such make it seem like every person who plays MCSM will get their own individual Jesse character. Also, because of lacking writing, which makes Jesse kind of has the amount of character of a peanut shell most of the time ... but I guess that again, that makes Jesse's character mostly up to individual interpretation. With Jesstra, I've noticed people seem to pin Jessie as a person that likes physical affection, so them and Petra tend to bond over fighting and sparring.

Petra is probably mostly averse to physical affection and touch - she seems more like someone who would do acts of service, being a mercenary and all. Jesstra seems like a ship where they would be sparring and flirt with each other through complimenting each other's moves + lovingly beating the shit out of each other. In a healthy way, though! After sparring, I think they would take care of any bruises or harm that was caused together.

When Petra was super closed off and mysterious, Jesse was the one to get her to start talking to more people. They were one of Petra's first really close friends, and that meant a lot to her. They were also the one that forced Petra to realize she couldn't stay stagnant forever and expect things to never change. She had to grow up and move on.

I can see the appeal with their compiments and banter during fights and sparring, as well as Jesse leaving Beacontown at the end of season 2 to go travel the world with Petra. A very healthy ship as well!

To be honest, we really need more focus on the smaller sapphic and wlw ships in the MCSM fandom, in my opinion. This ship probably is the gateway a lot of people get into those through, so I thank it very much for that. Not only that, but it's a pretty cute ship! Again, I don't exactly ship it, I don't really ship anyone with Jesse because I don't find Jesse that interesting.

As for faults with this ship, from what I've seen, the characterization of Petra is pretty good, but because Jesse is a lot less complex in comparison to her, it feels kind of empty on one side.

Anyways, I can definitely see where you guys are coming from! I personally do love dynamics like this one, so I think it's pretty good!

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Jack x Nurm

Boy, oh boy, old man yaoi !! (just jokes, guys, please don't kill me). While Nurm speaks in villager, Jack is able to understand him completely fine. They both seem to have a very deep understanding of each other anyway. They give the vibes of adventurer husbands who traveled the world together in their youth. By now, they're pretty much done with adventuring and want to settle down together and live in peace. And they deserve it!

You can tell just by hearing them talk that they've spent many an adventure together, fighting alongside the other and tending to each other's wounds. If they have any child relatives, I'm sure they'll be the favorite relative just for the sheer amount of cool stories they can tell.

Jack has a lot of respect for Nurm as a cartographer, and Nurm respects Jack's physical strength. Nurm is probably more the brains of the two, more quick witted and smart. The only thing is, Jack is one of the only people who can really understand him. That probably got them to be much closer than any of their other party members, anyways.

Also, not to mention, they live together. They are married guys trust me. (You don't have to take that serious dw) The only thing I could possibly think of as critisism is that it's kind of weird that Nurm is a villagerx but he's proven that he's just as intelligent as any player, so it's fine. Besides, it seems like people have universally accepted that they are married or in love, at least, from what I've seen.

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((If you want me to talk about a specific ship, you can just ask !!! ( ´∀｀ )b))

Never feel scared to ask me anything !! I live when people send asks, or just interact with me in any way at all BSNANDND

[earthnashes]

Fitness update time baybeeeeeeeee! I once again had to gather the balls to post the photos here so uh. Ye. :D

Like the last one, more details will be under the cut, but for the TL;DR crowd:

Last Update Here

Current: 177lbs | Estimated BMI: 24-26% | Push Pull Legs split at 6 Days a week

Notes: Training stimulus for this block focused on lifting basics and intensity: establishing a stronger mind-muscle connection and knowing how training to true mechanical failure feels like. Additional challenge: Finding maintenance calories and maintaining weight in the general range of 175-180lbs before re-attempting 1st Lean Bulk attempt.

Results: All lifts have seen an increase in working weight. Noticeably more muscle definition overall over the course of the last two months. Weight largely remained the same; assume maintenance calories has been accurately found.

Sooooooo the last two months have been kinda crazy. I took a look at my past lifting logbooks and found that despite my PRs being higher than the last recorded attempt, my overall working weights for all of my lifts hadn't really moved much. Partially out of fear of injury, but mostly due to the noticeable lack of real intensity in the training.

On top of that I found that my weight wasn't going down or up at the calories I was eating at, but my energy had begun to drop and recovery was suffering. Originally I was meant to be in my first bulk, but my weight never moved, and that ultimately resulted in me switching strategies for my nutrition too.

Basic idea: dial up the intensity, RPE of 8-9.5. Find true maintenance calories.

For nutrition: I used the TDEE calculator for my calories this time. It's supposedly more accurate than most other calorie calculators including MyFitnessPal's calculator, which gave me 2200 calories as my "bulk". Welp, turns out that's wrong; 2200 is my cutting number with my current activity level. And given how long I've been in a cut, it explained why, even in the deficit still, my weight never moved: it's too low to gain weight, and with how long I been in a deficit up until then my body was adapted too much to continue losing fat. So I instead switched focus onto finding my actual maintenance calories by immediately bumping my calories to the number the TDEE calculator gave me (2600 cal) and adjusting based on how my weight trend.

Result is, over the course of 2 months I gained 2 pounds but I'm certain this is almost entirely muscle (based on look, measurements, and performance in the gym); I've otherwise hadn't changed weight wise. This is good to know; it means I can eat more than I initially thought and gives me a stronger baseline for when I do actually go into a real bulk.

For training: First thing I focused on was my legs, which was arguably my weak link. This is largely due to an old injury in my left knee made it hard to reach full range of motion, and the strength discrepancy between my left and right leg because of it was pretty noticeable. Correcting it is one of the reasons why I switched to PPL training split, with Legs being trained first every cycle.

For both my legs and my isolation exercises I utilized unilateral versions of all my exercises; working each limb separately instead of together. I also incorporated a different set program: 2 working sets of 6-10 reps, 1-2 sets taken to true mechanical failure. The failure sets were meant for me to get used to the very uncomfortable sensation of training the muscle to- and past - it's actual limit and not my mental limit while maintaining proper form technique. That shit is rough, but it ensured that I was training with actual intensity and I was taking the muscle to true failure for growth, which in turn would help with building better muscle-mind connection with each muscle bilaterally and unilaterally.

For compounds I didn't take any of the lifts to true failure due to the higher fatigue and recovery toll. Instead I focused on building strength skill, so the set program was: 1 Topset (heaviest set of the exercise) 1-3 reps, 2 working sets for 5-8 reps. Any hypertrophy work for these lifts were always done with machine accessories for stability and safety.

Results thus far has seen my overall strength increasing, my knee is much stronger and stable (tested my squats and I can safely squat my own bodyweight without pain or wobbling, which is a feat due to being unable to do that months ago), and I confidently can say I have better form and idea of intensity.

-------

SO! With all of that said I'd say this block was overall a success after much trial and error. Now that I've gotten a better idea of a few things, my next move right now is to take a deload week for some much needed rest, then structure my next block for a more strength focus alongside my 2nd attempt at an actual lean bulk. The goal is to gain at least 4-5 pounds of muscle by the beginning of next year and make a new maxout for my PRs, so I might look a lil soft the next time I do a progress report but hopefully I'll be much stronger and ready for my second cutting phase.

This shit is hard, but I'm loving it to death man. I'm having a lot of fun learning and going through the journey and now I can confidently say that I'm at the Intermediate stage of lifting! I also think I know the type of weightlifter I am now. I've heard the term "powerbuilding" a few times now and I feel it fits; primarily lifting to build strength, but also throwing in some bodybuilding rhetoric for aesthetics.

Like I said a while back I'm seriously considering recording my workouts and posting those as I go on my Instagram, and I've actually bought a lil phone stand to practice recording and being more comfortable in front of the camera. We'll see how that goes I suppose!

But uhhhhh YE! That's all my yapping for now. Thank you for listening, and if you have any fitness goals feel free to share them with me! :)

[monst]

General Jason Todd hc’s

General Jason Hc's, Mildy angsty, Mostly random:

   The most likely to actually go to therapy. Stick with it and apply what he’s learned to his life. Not that it’d be easy for him but since I like the outlaws (More so Artemis and Bizarro) I think his decision to go would be aided by observing Lian and Roy. It could be small things too, watching how Roy lets Lian express her frustration and anger and he tells Jay in passing. “It’s frustrating for me too but you’re allowed to feel your feeling” He’d probably like that he’d be able to better gauge his tells, see what triggers him and adapt. (By either leaving or restructuring his thoughts) 

   Not sure if this is a hc but he’s ridiculously kind. He plays at being an asshole and if you believe him even better. It’s something he’ll have to unlearn but he doesn’t think he’s a good person. He does good but he’s not good type shit. (Which is baloney.) It mostly stems from his past actions Mostly the murders But he’ll catch himself speaking much harsher and wish it hadn’t come out that way. Or he’ll snap at someone if he feels like they’re closing in on him and making him uncomfortable Really doesn’t like feeling his feelings. He’ll think back on that and use that as an excuse to say he isn’t kind/good. It’s why he’s okay being the villain sometimes. Real Bruce like to punish yourself ya know

   Fruit jelly. He loves it. No particular reason for this I just think he’d like them. Specifically the ones you can slurp from a straw or the fun fruit shaped ones. 

  Is a struggle meal aficionado. Only have rice and eggs? He’s dressing it up and you best believe it’s going to taste great. Well if condiments are available... And cup noodles have never tasted so extravagant. 

  Has a pink compact mirror courtesy of one Stephanie Brown. Why? I think he tried reading “House of Leaves” as a child but didn’t finish it. Picked it back up later on and one night Stephanie wanted to crash at his safehouse and caught him holding the book up towards the bathroom mirror. She got tired of his footsteps going back and forth from his reading spot to the bathroom, then got annoyed when he holed up in the bathroom to read. She chucked the thing at him and he’s kept it. 

  Whereas Dick loses all his socks and sometimes doesn’t even wear them Jason always has to have them on. He doesn’t like when his feet get cold. Reminds him of when he was slumming it, so he likes his toes warm. That and barefoot in Gotham? That’s crazy! Wears them with slides too. Ignore canon and all the times his dogs have been out, this is a hc

 Loves arcades. Shooting games are his jam and he’s got the highest score the Jurassic park arcade game. He’s also nasty at Skee ball. Anything that requires precision and aim. Which is pretty self explanatory..

   Has a kindle Bruce gifted him. He lies and says that he doesn’t use it and prefers the weight of actual books thank you very much! All his favorites are downloaded... But he still claims he pawned the thing, no one believes him because it's always in his pack when he goes on long missions

  Most often than naught he’s more bark than bite. Not that he wont follow through but most of his taunts are bluffs. Bluff that he could pull off but bluffs none the less. Especially in regards to his family. But he has punted Damian off a roof before. He did not look over the side to make sure the kid was okay. 

    He has a secret tattoo. It’s relatively small but It’s faded and distorted by all his scars. He can’t tell what it used to be. He thinks he got it while traveling during his league training but hell if he knows. 

  Loves his body. Although I hc that he’s got knee pain, right leg to be specific. Landing on all that mass almost religiously, carrying heavy equipment and basically all his work as a vigilante isn’t exactly doing his joints any favors but He likes his body. Likes that he can use his strength to help others, likes that he can still do flippy robin shit and crack skulls with a single punch if he pleases. It makes him feel safe.. Cause had he maybe been a bit bigger…

 Is prone to overthinking like the rest of his family. But he tends to spiral easier, it’s why he’s always cleaning out his guns more than necessary. The dismantling/reassembling process settles his thoughts. It allows him to focus on the movement of his fingers and after a time his mind focuses on the next piece that needs to be moved.

   Is more of a car guy than a bike guy. Honestly this is how he and Bruce sometimes bond. Usually when Bruce has done or said something dickish and wants to make amends he picks up a couple nasty burgers and heads over to a garage Jason owns under a pseudonym. He’ll get underneath the body of an old Mercedes they’re working on and wait for Jason to tell him to leave or hand him something. He usually doesn’t leave but only because sometimes Jason takes the opportunity to yell out his grievances. 

    Is pretty dense when it comes to people liking him. Whether romantically or platonically. 

The food network channel is his baby. He loves watching cooking competitions and has a list of dishes he'd like to replicate. Speaking of cooking, he doesn't do it often with how busy he is but he tries his best to fit it in. He's always a bit hesitant to have people try his food tho.

[thatdehydratedmedic]

How I wish I had studied during my A levels

I want to start by saying this is NOT a guide. If anything, It comes closest to being a disorganized rant. Its basically what I would tell myself if I could go back in time. I wrote down that I’d also slap my past self. But my better judgement suggests that I should be kinder to myself. I’d give her a hug. She did the best with what she had when she finally tried, and I applaud and thank her for that. She was so brave and so, so, kind. I truly appreciate her effort. If not for her strength I would not be here today. Here’s a kiss to her forehead. I celebrate the immense trust she had in God and her love for me. My love, past self, you were so strong, I love you. You feel more and more distant from me every day, and yet you burn bright, scarlet red. You truly were a teenager full of rage.

1. Past papers

Past papers are the BEST resource for scoring good marks at A-Level. They provide a great insight into the question types as well as prepares you to answer questions in the way that examiners expect you to answer for them to give you a good grade. Doing past papers will help familiarize yourself with patterns and will make you less likely to suffer from exam anxiety later on. Regretfully, I barely did any past papers, especially at A2 level. For each subject I did, I can count on one hand the number of papers I've done. I did do quite a few Dhivehi HSC papers. (SSC papers also help for Dhivehi HSC btw)

2. YouTube videos

YouTube videos are great if you're looking to improve your understanding of a specific concept. This is especially helpful fur biology and math. Personally, I did not use YouTube at all for chemistry, however, I am inclined to believe that many would find it helpful and really urge everyone to make good use of it. When I was cramming for my A2 exams and had only about 2 weeks left I realized the sheer amount of content I had missed as I had skipped so many classes. I do wish I had at least started watching YouTube videos to catch up on the syllabus a bit earlier.

3. Skimming through textbooks

I do not have much to say regarding textbooks except that when I thought it would be useful, it wasn’t – and when I thought it would not be useful, it was. I assume that’s just my misassumption. I most likely some of you will be more perceptive of when you should reach out for it. However, I did find that at times when I had missed many classes it certainly did help to go through the textbook after attempting a past paper to no avail. I mostly suggest just reading through the contents, learning outcomes and processes, as I found that reading the processes did indeed help grasp them better, such as the Kreb’s cycle and all the neuron and muscle processes. (I forgot them all, can you tell? Let this be a reminder to you to NOT procrastinate, get off TikTok and Genshin impact and start grinding)

4. Anki Cards

If you’re an aspiring medical student like me, I’m sure you would’ve heard of Anki cards already. If not, Anki is basically a flashcard app, like Quizlet but better. I would get into the details but everyone always says the same thing and I do not want to sound like a broken record. You should look it up and when you do, you’ll see what I mean. Regardless, I found Anki especially helpful for Biology and Islam. These 2 subjects are memorization heavy, and although people do say you should not use Anki to learn but should use it for recall, I digress. Use it however you want, and besides – I was way beyond saving at this point. When I was cramming for Islam just 3 days in advance, Anki was the way to go. Took 2 days to make the cards and memorized them all on the last day. Don’t do that though. Halfway through and I’ve forgotten what the title was. What I would’ve done differently. How silly. I would’ve made cards early and actually used the cards as I should have. But if you’re like me and procrastinate like a little bitch, don’t fret. You’ve still got this.

5. Paying attention in class and not being late

I’m not going to pretend I regret missing math class. Maybe a little because I ended up failing (getting a B) but not enough to make me cry. (Lies.) But anyways, for a class that was 45 minutes long, I showed up 30 minutes late. Math was always first for the entire year. And for a night owl like me, this meant that there was nothing you could do to make me get to school on time. I am a changed person. I promise I go to work on time no matter what now. But back then I only had 2 things in mind. Have fun and get rest. That was not a good mindset. I was spaced out the entire class. I do regret this. Everyday, every week, every month, for 2 years, I paid almost 0 attention in class. On the rare occasions which I did, I learnt so much, unless I was scrambling to understand because I hadn’t paid attention on earlier days. For the lessons which days I did the classwork and participated during lessons, I found that I had an easier time understanding them later on. Genuinely, if anyone reads this, I’m sure you’re laughing at this paragraph because who even states such an obvious thing right? Well, back at you, my friend. Sometimes we do need the obvious to be stated in bold and highlighted in yellow.

6. More religious – focus on what matters (SKIP THIS IF YOU’RE NOT MUSLIM!!)

As you can already tell, I was a very irresponsible little bitch during my A levels. Too With 0 discipline, I was not as religious as I wish I had been. Albeit I did pray Tahajjud almost daily, I was very lost in the worldly life. I was not focused on my Akhira at all. This led me to living very freely and without regret. However, the numerous distractions couldn’t put a will to live inside me. Although I had been outwardly very happy and outgoing, it was a depressing time. Only a few levels above rock bottom, but that’s a story for another day. I did reconnect with Allah close to A levels. Not because I wanted good grades but because I had gone too far away. In the end, my closeness with Allah helped me to regain my motivation to study, and was the driving force to start cramming, even in the little time I had. If I could go back in time, I would recite Quran for an hour every day, and do my dhikr in addition to Tahajjud.

7. Wearing less makeup

As you might have already guessed, I was a pretty shallow person during that time and made sure to have a full face of makeup every day. This is not to say that you become a shallow person if you wear a full face of makeup every day. It is only my personal experience that when I wear makeup, it’s usually for shallow reasons. I would spend hours every day getting ready even after waking up late. In essence, my priorities were all jumbled up. It’s not that I would wear less makeup, but I would not place such high importance for my looks, especially over my studies. Studies would come first, looking good will come after. Besides, who cares if I’m pretty if I fail my finals? As a young girl, I cared too much.

8. Quality over quantity in friendships and leave the romantic pursuits for later

As someone who had been bullied almost my whole life, I was thrilled to finally learn how to get along. I made many friends during A levels. This new found sense of belonging did not translate well in my academics. I was distracted. I prioritized my friends more than my studies. I became more confident in my romantic pursuits as well. In the end, I lost sight of what mattered the most and ruined my once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to change my life. I failed my parents and my family. I failed myself.

9. Believe in myself

I used to loath myself terribly. I guess to an extent I still do. This is entirely my own fault I suppose, and it wouldn’t matter if it did not affect anyone else. Unfortunately, my lack of self esteem has disappointed my family and teachers. Everyone except me believes in me. This is not a blessing but a curse. Because this has only led to me disappointing them all. At the end of the day, I am despised for being lazy. I avoided attending classes, self-studying, doing any form of practice or revision for months because I was terrified of failure. Insecurity turned to self-sabotage. The humiliation I failed in the end was greater than what I would have if I had been honest with myself to begin with. I will admit, a lot of these issues came from the fact that my teachers and parents called me a gifted child. Without offering any guidance or support, this so-called ‘love’ suffocated me. I was afraid of not meeting their expectations. They couldn’t possibly know I was not the brightest child ever if I never tried. Their comments always seemed to swing between two opposites. Sometimes it was, “It’s okay. You’re doing so well and you’re barely trying.” And when they would decide to no longer look at me through their eyes of mercy they’d say, “You’re arrogant. You’ll never make it. You think you can do it but we know with that little effort you can’t.” How ignorant. I believed I would never make it, regardless of whatever effort I made. To this day I do not know what life would be like if I had worked hard with confidence. Do me a favor, dear, reader, and let me know. The alternative is turning out like me, btw.

10. Maintain a healthy lifestyle

I’ve never been to a psychiatrist, but I can confidently say I have mental issues. I assume its depression but what would I know, I’m no psychiatrist. I am always tired, dehydrated, sleep deprived and starving. Oftentimes I shiver and I am constantly cold. I shake with anxiety in the face of people. Nothing seems worth spending my time on. I never exercise, I am always in bed, rotting. That is until I go to work. Have I mentioned I work at a hospital? Although I work shift duties, this work has given me a sense of routine. I enjoy speaking to patients. Even on my worst days, I find that helping people gives me a sense of accomplishment and goal. I lose track of time. I am so engrossed I don’t even realize when the day passes by. That said, I believe a healthy life style would greatly benefit anyone. Get enough sleep, drink enough water, eat well, rest and move. My caffeine-addicted-back-broken-ass with no sense of day or night anymore won’t. But you definitely should. I won’t, obviously, but if you do it will only be for your own good.

As I've already mentioned, this is not a guide in any way, and is not meant to be used as such. This is merely myself reflections and what I wish I had done differently. These are my flaws I wish to change going forward. That said, it would make me happy if this ended up helping someone out, somehow.

[worldserasingandcreatinginmymind]

Bloody Beetle | Part Three

Summary: a conversation with Harrow decides your fate

Pairing: this chapter is mostly Arthur Harrow x Reader

Word Count: 1.3k

Warnings: Manipulative Harrow/Lying Harrow. a LOT of artistic interpretation on Harrow’s abilities...

A/N: So sorry its been a year since I updated this story but im fully back on the Moon Knight hype right now and I actually have part four written, part five half written and the rest of this story *mostly* planned out! For the purposes of this story, lets just pretend Harrow has the ability to give people strength or make them need to sleep... As always, spelling and grammar are not my strongest skills so please be kind :)

Part Two | Series Masterlist 

- - - - -

Nothing.

The first thing you notice when you wake up is that you feel nothing. No aches, no pain, no shortness of breath. Before you fell asleep you felt so weak, you weren’t sure you would even make it thought the night. And now here you are feeling better than you did before Harrow made you ill.

You get out of bed and go straight to the door. To your surprise it opens. You half expected Harrow to have locked you in here. But then he probably thought you were still too ill to move.

This is your chance to escape.

You open the door as quietly as possible and try to remember the route back to the exit. The floorboards creak under your feet and you freeze, listening to hear if anyone is coming after you. You only hear silence so you continue.

Eventually you make it back to the communal area you had walked through yesterday, only now it is completely empty. It’s still night. Everyone must be asleep. You spot the exit ahead of you and your heart skips. This is it. You're free. Free to go to Steven.

But wait; Steven left you here.

Or did he? What if Harrow was lying? What if Steven is trapped here too?

You stare ahead at the exit, take a breath and turn away. Away from your chance at freedom.

Steven said he would find you. He promised. He wouldn’t just leave you here.

Which means he must be in trouble.

You have to find Steven.

You head back into the communal area, a huge stone walled courtyard with half crumbled arches and mismatched furniture. You pass the selection of random armchairs, all facing towards a giant screen. Past the shelves covered in various items, boxes and books. Past the tables and chairs and the small kitchen area. You reach the end of the room and as your about to start climbing up one of the sets of wooden stairs…

“You intrigue me, Y/N.” Harrows voice comes from the archway behind you. You turn around to see him step out into the light, his eyes fixed on you. “You could have left. The doors are open, there’s no one here to stop you and yet you didn’t leave. Why?”

“Did you want me to leave?”

“Oh no. Quite the opposite, I’m actually glad you decided to stay. What I do want is to know why?”

“Where’s Steven?” You ignore his question.

“Ah.” He says, nodding with understanding. “You believe he’s still here.”

“I know he’s here.”

“What makes you sure?”

“He wouldn’t abandon me.”

“No you're quite right. I can’t imagine Steven Grant would do such a thing.” He pauses. “But Marc Spector did.”

“I don’t know what you're getting at, but I already know all about Marc. Steven told me everything.”

“What exactly did he tell you?”

“The truth. He said he didn’t fully understand it himself but there’s this other person, Marc, living inside of him and that he is basically the reason Steven’s life has been falling apart. Sometimes Marc takes over the body and does things… are you saying that Marc took over and forced Steven to leave me here?”

“Let’s take a seat.” He moves over to the closest table, sitting down and gesturing for you to sit opposite him.

You stare at him for a moment, watching as he leans his cane against his chair and places his hands on the table in front of him. He looks back up at you again then back to the empty chair. You sigh as you pull out the chair and sit opposite him with your arms folded across your chest, leaning back away to create distance between the two of you.

“Steven Grant doesn’t exist.” He starts and you look at him confused. “Marc Spector created this Steven persona and ran away to England in an attempt to escape the many sins of his past. He is a very bad man Y/N, he has done some terrible things. He was a mercenary. He killed a lot of people and got in a lot of trouble. That is why he made up Steven. He pretended to be someone else just so he could hide. But it wasn’t real. His gentle personality. His job at the museum. His friendship with you-”

“No-”

“-It was all an act Y/N, and I am so very sorry to have to tell you that. Truly I am.”

“Just stop-”

“I know how much you cared for this Steven-”

“You're lying!”

“You're feeling better now, yes?”

“What?”

“You're alive, you feel no more pain. Why do you think that is?” He reaches into his pocket and pulls something out, placing on the table in the middle of you both. “He gave me this.”

It’s the scarab beetle.

“He gave me this and told me to keep it. And you.” Harrow explains, a false sympathetic look on his face. “He told me he has no use for either of you anymore.”

You can’t take your eyes off the golden beetle in front of you. Your heart sinking further and further with every second as you take in what Harrow is telling you.

“I know this is a lot to process Y/N but there is one more thing I must tell you. You are free to leave if that is what you wish-”

“Great!” You get up out your seat and start to walk away.

“But I really think you should stay.”

“Why the hell would I do that?!”

“Because if you leave you will become weak again and you will die.” He states, making you stop and turn back.

“What?! No, he gave you the scarab and now I’m okay, that was the deal.”

“An error on my part.” He stands, taking a step towards you. “I failed to mention that in order to keep you alive Ammit must restore your strength every day. Through direct contact with me.”

“You..? How?”

“A simple touch of my hand.”

You remember him last night, placing his hand on your head right before you fell asleep.

“You healed me last night?” More of a statement than a question.

“I did.” He takes another step closer to you.

“But you told me Steven had left with the scarab. Why did you lie to me?”

“I was trying to protect you, protect your feelings. I knew you weren’t strong enough for the hurt that the truth would cause.”

“And you think I’m strong enough for it now?” you scoff and he reaches his hand out to hold yours.

“You are stronger than you know Y/N.” He locks eyes with you, his bright blue eyes almost staring into your soul. “Ammit sees something special in you. That is why she’s allowing you to live.”

You shake him off, taking a step back as you gather yourself. You take a breath.

“So either I stay as a prisoner for the rest of my life or go out there and die? Are those really my only options?”

“You're not a prisoner, Y/N, there are no locked doors. No guards forcing you to stay. You could live a happy life with us.”

You think for a moment.

“Or option three; I leave, go live my own life in my own home and then I’ll just come back here every day so you can top up the life support.”

“That won’t work I’m afraid. I move around a lot from place to place, there is no way of knowing exactly where I will be from one day to the next. The safest option for you is to join me.” He pauses. “Join us.”

He raises his arms out to the side as small groups of disciples begin emerging from the doorways and shadows, all facing you. The way they’re all looking at you makes you feel uneasy.

“Just to be clear, if I agree to stay with you that does not mean I’m on your side. It’s purely self preservation, okay? I am not helping you find Ammit. I will not help you murder innocent people. Got that?” Arthur nods. “Good.”

“Good.” he echos, smiling.

“Okay. So what happens now?”

“Now, we go to Cairo.”

Part Four

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[robotlesbianjavert]

what would you say are horikoshi's biggest strengths as a writer and what are his greatest weaknesses?

ooh that's a really good question that i've had to think a lot about. it's difficult cuz while i've read his tenko oneshot and the original my hero oneshot, i haven't read his other two multi-chapter works (oumagadoki zoo and barrage) (though i have seen the raw scans of his other oneshot shinka rhapsody thanks to @codenamesazanka). boku no hero academia is obviously his work i'm most familiar with, and it's difficult to use mostly that as a metric for his skills overall.

on the other hand, bnha lasts for so much longer than his other works and is also so much more recent, so it's the main work that has to show off how growth or lack thereof as a writer, as well as his biggest challenges due to how punishing the manga industry can be and how it would have forced him into situations he may not have experienced with his past works. so in a way, bnha kind of has to be judged a biiit separately from the rest?

anyways with those caveats aside. his greatest strength is always and forever his art, which in manga is at least half of the writing. he has this special little touch with physicality and emotion that like. it's hard to describe how exactly it's different from other artists, who are also often great with physicality and emotion! but horikoshi's art often has that extra bit of weight to it that really sells it to me.

like i've said previously, i also think that he does have a knack for character writing that shines best when he's working with complicated, rough around the edges characters who aren't straightforward goody-two-shoes. shigaraki and bakugou i've already said are great examples of this. endeavour can get more difficult to talk about in this context due to the baggage around him, but i'd maintain that a lot of the series best writing does go to him, shouto, and the rest of the todoroki plotline (although it struggled a bit at the end there). twice, while ultimately a really nice guy, is still a very complicated criminal who gets theeeeee best development in the series. obviously there's toga, normal cute girl of all time.

a lot of that extends to horikoshi's affection for his minor/side characters as well. while i don't think he always nails it with integrating them into the story (fucking shouji. also vigilantes honestly did parts of this better), he does obviously put a lot of thought into them even when he doesn't get to use it. this is part of why i adore spinner so much, because he's that very typical minor side character who could easily be written out but instead gets a fleshed out and evocative role of his own.

i also think that horikoshi has a really strong instinct and potential for great horror/horrific material. again, this is where shigaraki proves himself horikoshi's best character - everything from his initial character design with the hands, the hints and insinuations about his backstory dropped over the first and second acts, all culminating in the beautifully gruesome shimura family massacre that just hits every single fuckin time. i honestly think it's one of the greatest payoffs in the series, basically bar none. (i know people try to give that title to the dabi reveal, but i keep getting taken out by how abrupt that particular instance is) it's the horror moments that make his art especially shine, he comes up with great scenarios, and honestly when he mentioned wanting to try his hand at a horror work after bnha i'm like, all in.

but that kind of segues into my biggest criticism of his writing - he holds back. he gets meek, he doesn't go all in. he had some interview where he admitted that the yakuza arc took a lot out of him because of how dark it got,

this extends to the entire series, especially in how the third arc has shaken out. deku and all might are really big victims of this, where there is absolutely a lot of complex development and criticism you can do with the way their characters are set up, but the story backs down from that to go "well maybe they're just. too heroic sometimes. self-sacrificing. that's an issue right." the 'dark deku' arc is a joke because while deku does extend himself beyond his limits, he never gets to the point of causing real harm to himself and those around him before class 1a swoops in.

i also have my conspiracy theories about hawks and how the fallout of his murdering twice was soooooo weak, where i think the popularity of hawks and his status as a hero scared horikoshi off of doing anything more critical with him, instead feeding that overwrought backstory as a distraction and giving the whole "government sponsored murderer who is wracked with guilt and bitter about the hypocrisy" to nagant. who again he didn't go hard enough with because then deku would have like, something outside of shigaraki to actually deal with. and would have to question the society that he's protecting. whatever.

he's also been so half-assed with the critique and deconstruction of hero society that he's set up, only to hastily and clumsily reconstruct it because superheroes are too cool to reeeaaaaaally say anything about, and also hero society has too many parallels with real life modern society, which might be awkward to critique in a youth magazine meant to satisfy as broad an audience as possible.

and then there's the heteromorph arc. goddamn the heteromorph arc. if you follow me you've probably read this but @stillness-in-green's conclusive write up of heteromorph discrimination as it's been laid out throughout the story and how that arc failed, which i think really signifies either the ways that horikoshi doesn't dig as deep into the concepts he brings up as he should, or doesn't realize how deep he needs to go with them.

i don't know if part of the way that horikoshi holds back or lands on the most boring resolutions for some of the ideas the story brings up is in part due to not wanting to rock the boat culturally, if he doesn't want to accidentally turn readers away after he's worked so hard to get to where he is now as a mangaka, or if it's the workload wearing him down, but it leaves the story half-formed.

i also think his other greatest weakness, which is a brutal one for shonen, is that he kind of fucking sucks at interesting fight scenes. like how much stuff ends with deku giving a big punch. it is my honest and greatest opinion that it should have been iida fighting muscular and uraraka fighting stain either alongside or in place of deku - their characters just had so much more to gain there. but i can also imagine all the fanboys who only care about power stats sneering and asking what iida and uraraka could have possibly done, which i think really speaks to a lack of creative thought not just in the fanbase, but in the writer. horikoshi can spin up all these cool and unique powers, but struggles to do anything really engaging with them. given that shonen fight scenes double as big character moments, it leaves a lot to be desired. big punches can only be inspiring so many times.

anyways. there's probably a lot more i can say. but that involves retreating more of the story than i am willing to do so right now. so alas.

[creepling]

🎓 for an education-themed headcanon for any of the family members, I’m super curious abt ur headcanons for whether any of them went to school / college or anything like that!! oooh and what type of clique they’d have been in if u wanna!’ <3

idk if this will be controversial to say, but my headcanon is that most of the family is illiterate. this mostly applies to the cook, bubba and nubbins. my thought process is that they have basic literary skills, but they were pulled out of school early to work in the slaughterhouse and bring more money into the home. they never went past high school and grandpa sure as hell wasn't encouraging learning in the house, just kill kill kill!! bubba had a hard time at school so he was pulled out earlier, since they gave up on him before giving him a chance due to their attitudes of disabilities at the time. hence why he is still non vocal.

johnny and sissy had a slightly better chance at education. nancy forbidded johnny attending dances/homecomings bc it "involved girls". sissy really hated school and did everything to avoid it, pretending she was heading off but spending the whole day wandering around a field. sissy, however, was the best performing out of all the members despite her horrible attendence. she got good grades in english from her neat handwriting and storytelling, but her grammar and spelling brought her down to an average grade. johnny never played in team sports, but his best subject was gym, and the coach tried to get him to join the track team. johnny never signed up because he thought stuff like that was for "try hards". i also headcanon johnny and sissy were dropouts and never graduated; to the rest of the town, they just fell from the face of the earth.

discregarding all that for a moment i wanna do cliques bc it's fun!!!

young!cook: teacher's pet. not a genius but he loves maths and desperately tried to emulate the popular kids and their 'polished' looks. spoke highly of teachers and students alike, but people thought he was a suck-up and a bit annoying.

nubbins: artsy kid. spends lunch time in the art classroom and makes sculptures. he's also a little bit of a drifter, he's had a hand at every group but gave up when he became a laughing stock to most of them. desperately wants to be a class clown but he just weirds people out.

young!nancy: overachiever/popular. done a lot of masking and covert narcissism so people could like her. wanted to be the smartest, prettiest, funniest, kindest person in the room. and it worked, but resulted in her only 'peaking' in high school.

bubba: the 'invisible' kid. eats lunch with the teachers, no one knows his name or talks to him. also the bully target until they discovered he had the strength of a bull, so they don't mess with him now. spends most of his time by himself, people watching.

sissy: mix of stoner/loner. not open to making friends and avoids socialising as much as possible because no one 'gets her'. considered an 'ugly duckling' in high school. hippie is obvious but i think this is something she grew into when she dropped-out and started hitchiking.

johnny: greaser/bully. a total slacker and hard-head. picks on the little man and speaks ill of the popular kids, everyone is his worst enemy. got attention from girls if they were into the 'bad boy', and he took advantage of it. always getting detention, failing his classes, counting the days when he can leave.

[bettsfic]

I don't think you've been in this exact scenario but I'd love your advice anyway -- I'm trying to patiently work through a writing dry spell that after 3 years is only getting worse. The worst thing is my previous body of work (20+ years, 1M+ words) which used to bring me so much joy to reread even in dry spells just seems mostly labored and clunky now, and I can't think why I thought any of it was very good. I still value the work I put into it, and I know I improved over time, but it's even harder to motivate myself out of this slough when it no longer feels like there's anything I want to get "back" to. How does one just... start over?

i think starting over means focusing on the basics again. revisit sentence diagramming, rhetorical and literary devices, books you read when you were young that left a strong impression on you. then, if you're compelled to write fiction, great. if not, write about writing. write about why that specific book left a strong impression on you. write a letter to your past self or your future self. write letters, period. i think letter writing and journaling, self-and-other writing, are two of the most natural and accessible written forms, and when you have no idea how else to get going, that's where you start. and it's sad, and hard, because at one point you were much further along, but writing isn't like riding a bike. it's an endurance sport. and so over time you can lose that strength and skill, and you have to build it up again.

the silver lining, i think, is that this is an opportunity to dig into things you maybe skipped over in your 20+ years of writing. people with high verbal reasoning and a natural aptitude toward writing sometimes skip over hurdles that other people get stuck at, and now is a great time to find those and spend some time there, and either learn some new stuff or revisit things you've forgotten. you can take the slow road this time, you know? you've got your million words down and the next couple million might be harder and take longer and honestly might be worse than the first million. but they will be more intentional, and you might be able to find a new kind of joy in them.

and if none of that works, try writing from a different, maybe stronger, base emotion. if you go out and read something that really pisses you off for whatever reason, that makes you go "I CAN DO THIS BETTER" that's going to ignite some inspiration. conversely, i think admiration is also a good place to write from, work that makes you go, "i want to write this way." try to find a new feeling to write from rather than old subject matter or aesthetics.

[moonyasnow]

Hehe so I saw the OCs types post... mayhaps I can find something right among my ocs...

Irina: I wanna say Aiden fits in a lot of these, he is taller than her, super protective... has one blue eye, darker purple hair, intimidating and strong... plus well... he is emotionally constipated mostly... unless it comes to cooking. But he is distant yet dedicated once you get through to him really.

Spike: I wanna say most of these is Carol .. Except the hair but she is a kind woman, nurturing... she is more green coded but certainly pulls of white well and also once she got her plant powers summons white lillies as well as has white flowers growing on her. Open-minded well depends on how you approach her, she can be judgy but she quickly changes her mind if she knows all is good. She is a good source of a Calm woman who embrace you and give you a safe space.

Junia: This one is harder cause many conflict... I thought Yuzuha cause he got glasses and strength and intelligence but he can be a teasing meany. Can be kinder if he wants to and thinks you are worth it though... sadly most of my himbos are also not the kindest but i would say Slice is the kindest but he is also a clown.

Veronica: I saw this and my brain went imidiatly to Flynn , Epitome of Joker, charmer, confident... always wears a mask to hide the things he did. But also he aint strong but a master at dodging and escaping death... I feel given he is friends with Vil he also for sure would try to get Veronicas attention

Victor: I said it before when you asked me for interactions but Eiji is still just the most fitting here fr. Literally ticks all of the boxes.

Artemisia: This one is pretty hard among my ocs... Actually more cause of age cause my only choice was someone older.... and i haven't made some of my younger ones that smart... closest would be Mellow. He is smart, has a softer voice, is a bit more introverted... however the rest he is lacking... he will get more confident as an adult so maybe by then he feels comfy teasing but till then.. its just him being red a lot.

Oooooo this is really interesting! ngl I did not expect anyone to care at all about my 'types' post lol So it's very fun it made you start thinking! ^^ (also wow sorry this took so long-- been pretty busy this past week; I usually see stuff faster than this)

Ok ok so

I 100% agree with Aiden! He is basically EXACTLY her type

And the shared trust issues and abandonment issues would definitely make Irina want to be closer to him after she learned about it

One of my literal first thoughts about Eiji was 'man, Victor would have a big crush on this guy as soon as he found out about the murder' lol

And their shared dislike of most of NRC would be another bonding-point haha

As for Flynn...

The big thing you gotta understand with getting close to Veronica is that usually, it is a SLOW process. And the other person basically always has to be the one to initiate it for a WHILE at the start. Her abandonment issues from being separated from everyone she's ever cared about before has made it so she pushes most people away before she can get attached, and losing them could hurt.

BUT! That she's actually close with people at all right now(Vil, Rook, Epel), and that she has her brother back with her, makes her less likely to try super hard; it calms her down a lot. But mostly just because she feels like she has everyone she needs.

That he's already close with Vil would make it like 100x easier for him than most other people to get close to her. Rule of thumb; if she has someone she really looks up to, and you're on good terms with them, she'll probably like you, or at least tolerate you more.

But honestly? The thing that would 100% work on her is teasing.

You know those kids who'd tease their crush in grade school? That shit works on her. She's always felt like no one ever tried to actually get to know or understand her, so the minute she meets someone new who can manage to push her buttons but in a harmless way, she's instantly interested, even though she would NEVER admit that.

It's legit the easiest way to get close to her; just keep consistently showing up to tease her until she stops trying to push you away and she's basically stuck to you like glue :) 👍

And they have a lot in common, too! Like fashion, and both being really rebellious, following their own sense of right and wrong rather than just taking someone else's word for it

[starlightvld]

20 Qᴜᴇꜱᴛɪᴏɴꜱ ꜰᴏʀ ꜰɪᴄ ᴡʀɪᴛᴇʀꜱ

Tagged by the lovely @snarky-magpie - thank you!!

1. How many works do you have on A03? 13 (for now...☺️)

2. What’s your total Ao3 word count? 429,228

3. What fandoms do you write for? Voltron: Legendary Defender and Call of Duty: MW Reboot

4. What are your top five fics by kudos? - Couch Surfing (COD, soapghost) - Broken Bones & Shattered Hearts (COD, soapghost) - Up in Smoke (COD, soapghost) - Formalities (Voltron, sheith) - Research and Development (Voltron, sheith)

5. Do you respond to comments? YES. I love talking to people in the comments. 😍

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? Probably Couch Surfing because it's an "in progress" ending. But it's still mostly happy because I can't really write anything else. LOL

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? Probably Formalities? But all of them are pretty tooth-rotting...

8. Do you get hate on fics? No

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? Yes, but it's always slow burn smut with feelings (hi, I'm ace).

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written? I love thinking about crossovers, but I haven't written any yet (unless you count the AU from question 13, I guess).

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? Not that I know of.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? Not that I know of.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? The soapghost Punisher AU I'm working on with @kibagib - You're my mask, you're my cover, my shelter - is basically co-written. Kiba gives me the outline for what they want to happen in the scene, and I write it out, adding my own flare here and there. It's been so much fun to work together to bring Kiba's visions to life!

14. What’s your all time favorite ship? As much as I love soapghost, I think sheith will always have my heart.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? So far, I've finished or am actively working on all my WIPs... 😯 I do have an idea for a soapghost inter-dimensional-travel, angst-with-a-bittersweet ending fic, but that one hasn't gotten past outline phase. That's the closest I have to a fic I might never finish. (This fic would also win "angstiest ending," btw.)

16. What are your writing strengths? I think I write dialogue and emotions/introspection pretty well.

17. What are your writing weaknesses? I struggle with descriptions - they are often what I "add in" during the editing phases. I'm also a VERY SLOW writer, which is why it takes so long to update sometimes.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? I don't do it unless I have a native speaker willing to help me with the translation. Otherwise, it's just English but in italics. LOL

19. First fandom you wrote for? Dragon Age (long ago with a different user name)

20. Favourite fic you’ve written? I love them all, but my first sheith fic - In Sunshine and in Shadow - will always be special to me because it helped me process that atrocious VLD ending.

Tagging... errmmmm... @oodelally9 @kayluvlygrey @hawkeykirsah @ticktockclockwork @ursae-minoris-world @insomnikat-mused @chalkofthevalley

No pressure! Ignore or play as you like!

[sittingoverheredreaming]

TOTK is so great but its story mostly doesn’t hit for me so

THINGS I WOULD CHANGE (major spoilers ahead)

Sonia purposely reaches through time for help against Ganondorf and that’s how Zelda ends up specifically in their time

Rather than being the first king and queen of Hyrule, Rauru and Sonia are the Zonai rulers in an unspecified past era prior to the 10,000 years ago of the Calamity legend

Also, instead of being Zelda’s ancestors, they are Link’s

BULLET TIME IS CLEARLY A TIME POWER, ZELDA DIDN’T HAVE TIME POWERS IN BOTW

BotW/TotK Link is more than just an ordinary dude but there’s no sign he’s chosen by the goddesses like in some other games so why not say he’d descended from the Zonai and a magical monster fucker with time powers

This also makes more sense why they think Zelda could make a difference, because her powers wouldn’t just be copies of Rauru and Sonia’s 

I think also it would be cool to have her be the Sage of Light while Rauru is the royalty/leader of the sages, basically a role swap from Ocarina of Time

Ganondorf (implied to have been resurrected rather than born into the Gerudo as a new man) originally wanted to ally with the Zonai against Hyrule 

Rather than being with the Gerudo, he’s with the beginnings of the Yiga clan (the Yiga are said to have been formed after the first Calamity, but the Shiekah have had a long cycle of being used and then discarded/persecuted by Hyrule’s rulers so I don’t think it’s too much of a stretch to have it start before and history has just misattributed it to post-Calamity)

Part of Ganondorf’s argument is that the Sheikah of the time are copying Zonai designs and technology for the Hylian Royal Family’s use, and must be stopped (so much was SO similar I really thought it would be addressed)

The Royal Family already has the blood of the goddess/Triforce/etc, and still they reach for more

Ganondorf blames Sonia, as she is Rauru’s Hylian wife, for the refusal, which is why he targets her specifically

But the Zonai are a fading people, and even if they had the strength and numbers to stand against Hyrule Kingdom, the Sheikah using their technology and building on it is a way their work can survive after they’re gone, and they bear no ill will towards Hyrule

I wish I could have Sonia not die because I love her but that part of the story and the Light Dragon stuff are both solid

BUT before shit starts going down WE SEE HER AND RAURU’S KID. They clearly have one and I’m mad we didn’t see it, why will Nintendo not show us characters’ kids (yes I am still mad Age of Calamity didn’t address if Urbosa had a child/heir) 

Bonus points if the kid like, accidentally enters bullet time while playing around and that’s how Zelda starts putting together that she’s with Link’s ancestors

From there the past mostly unfolds the same as in-game, but maybe with a little more individuality from the sages so the moment when they see Zelda fly off as the Light Dragon hits a little harder

Rauru’s final lines about Link also then will have the weight of knowing Link is his descendant, Ganondorf has failed in eliminating their future

The present is mostly the same as well, except Link gains recall from a tear Zelda hid for him that amplifies the time powers he already has, rather than her giving him her own powers

Then in the final fight, once Ganondorf has swallowed the tear, he moves to attack Lookout Landing, and Link does the only thing he can think of to save everyone– he sends Ganon, along with himself and the Light Dragon, back in time

The fight progresses as it does in the game, up until Link breaks open the tear on Ganon’s forehead

Instead of dying, all Ganon’s malice pours out, coating the dragon and making it near invincible

This is the origin of Calamity Ganon

But this is not the time of legend, it is before, while the Shiekah have begun their work based on the Zonai designs, they are not prepared for an attack

Ganon must be sealed until they are ready, and there’s only one person who can do it

Link calls on all the power of the sages through his hand, reaching through time to draw their power and combine it with his own, and uses everything he has to reverse the tear out of Zelda and return her to her original form

His magic arm shatters in the process. He does not get his original arm back

Zelda seals the Calamity, knowing it’s temporary, knowing that even after everything she’s done, she cannot prevent the tragedies that have already happened. The best they can do is know that they’ve paved the way for their future where he can be fully defeated.

We end on her collapsing against Link, silent for a long moment, and then just, “Link, take me home.” 

[billthedrake]

THE HARRIS MEN (CONT.)

3

My son Matt stayed true to his word. He didn't hound me. But I noticed he walked around the house shirtless more, particularly when it was just me in the room. I was an early riser and always got up at the crack of dawn. I enjoy the quiet in the house and the chance to get a good run or workout in. I was 41 and still in the prime of my manhood, with a body I kept fit for my job and for my own sense of satisfaction. Keeping in top form wasn't an uphill battle, yet, but I knew I was officially middle aged now.

No one in my whole family were morning people, and they always slept in until it was time to get ready for school or work. On the weekends I rarely saw anyone stir before 9:30.

Only after the blowjob in our car, Matt started getting up earlier. The first Saturday I thought it was a fluke and asked Matt if everything was OK. It wasn't even 8 o' clock, and my son was walking into the kitchen with just a tight-fitting T-shirt and loose gym shorts. He probably had some morning wood, though I made a conscious decision not to look.

"Mornin' dad," he said in his gravely teen voice.

"Hey buddy," I grinned. "You're up early."

Matt nodded. "Figured I'd start getting some exercise in. You know, not be a lazy bum..." he tossed back my joke every time my son slept in past ten.

"Well, good for you," I said.

We paused a little awkwardly. I could feel it: my son wanted me to make the first move. He wanted me to suck his dick again. Or to suck mine.

But I wasn't ready for that. A one-time indiscretion was one thing. But it was crazy to continue an incestuous affair, under the same roof of my wife and other two kids.

The tough thing was I could tell Matt was nervous. He was putting himself out there, and I wasn't acting on his fantasy. But still, he just nodded and announced he was going to the basement to workout. We didn't have a tricked out gym or anything, but I had set up some basic workout equipment - a bench, a squat rack, a pull up bar, and a bunch of free weights. I'd shown Matt the ropes and he'd taken to strength training.

As he left to go downstairs, I let out a deep breath I didn't realize I'd been holding.

***

Matt's early-to-rise pattern continued, and soon I'd pad into the kitchen at 5:30 or 6:00 to find him there, shirtless and downing a protein shake. God, his body was magnificent. Already, at 18 now, he was getting real bulk and real definition. Strong arms and shoulders, broad chest, rippled abs. I knew this was wrong but my son was hot as fuck.

I enjoyed our morning time together, whether it was just a quick hello or a man-to-man conversation. I think my son did, too. It was about more than sex, and maybe that's what melted my defenses.

It was a random Tuesday morning and I had gotten up first. I found myself giddy and excited waiting for Matt to come in. I'd been that way more and more. As I had my coffee, I tried to think of something, anything, besides sex. Work, the chores around the house I promised my wife I'd do, my fantasy football team standings. None of it worked. Right there, in my kitchen, I was popping a rigid boner in my lounge pants.

Right on cue, Matt padded in, shirtless and barefoot. This time, I looked. My son wasn't sporting full morning wood, but there was a clear semi from where he'd put shorts on over his dick.

"Morning, Dad," he said as he went straight to the fridge and got the makings for his protein shake.

He'd downed half of it before he noticed my erection.

"Oh," he said softly.

We stood there, silent and a little nervous. Matt looked me up and down, clearly in lust for my more developed body. I mostly watched my son get an erection. It was the wildest, most thrilling thing.

When I looked back into Matt's face there was a big smile waiting for me. "Um... you sure?" he asked, cautiously. Quietly.

"How bout we go downstairs?" I suggested. We wanted to take as few chances as possible.

Matt nodded eagerly and followed me down the stairs.

I could hear the HVAC heating system and the grandfather clock upstairs ticking. Other than that it was silent except for Matt's and my heavy breaths as I knelt down and tugged on his gym shorts. He helped me.

I used to get on his case for not being properly dressed in winter. It seemed to be a young guy thing, or a jock thing, walking around in shorts in 30 or 40 degree weather. Even in the house, I'd roll my eyes.

I was grateful now, though, as I saw those shorts slip down and off his legs, leaving my son standing naked in front of me. I could feel the heat emanating from his crotch as I inched toward it. I connected with the firm stalk first, laving my tongue up its length. The last time had been so rushed. While we didn't have the luxury of a long session now, I wanted to show my son what a blow job felt like when a man takes his time.

Matt probably thought I was teasing him, but he seemed into it. His silent breaths and his fingers along my neck encouraged me to alternate cock sucking with oral exploration of his shaft and balls and surrounding crotch. Even the feel of Matt's steel hard bone pressed against my cheek thrilled me.

I made love to his genitals off and on for a good five minutes before finally taking him back into my mouth and just sucking him to completion. His load this time seemed even heavier.

I hoped to god my son would be in the mood to reciprocate I was so turned on as I stood up and lowered my pants. I didn't need to worry. Matt got into place, like he'd been dreaming of this for the last two months. He probably had.

My son wasn't super skilled at this. I was glad of that actually. But he seemed to be copying my actions and mimicking my technique. And, well, just seeing cute, teen-jock Matt blowing me was enough to get me off. I tapped his shoulder for warning this time. He got it, but kept sucking. I blew a load to rival his.

"Thanks, Dad," was all he said as we pulled our clothing back on. We knew we'd have to talk more about what just happened. About what was inevitably going to keep happening in the future. For now, I just gave him a fatherly wink and a gentle nudge of his chin, then turned to go back upstairs before anyone woke up.

4

I told my brother. I mean, I felt I might be violating my son's trust, and maybe I should have checked with him first. But if anything I was the one low-key freaked out and nervous about being caught, whereas Matt had a happy, laidback approach to our affair. Like he was just excited to do and try it all.

But my brother Max had been open with me about fooling around with his eldest sons. It was what led me to the place I was with my Matt. I felt like I owed him the truth.

It was during one of our bi-weekly chats on the phone. "So, bro..." I started, getting up the courage to tell him. "You know what you told me about you and Junior and John?"

He paused. His voice was measured and very cautious. "Anything wrong, bro?" I think he worried I was getting freaked out.

"No, man. I think it's amazing. It's just that, me and Matt have been doing a little exploration ourselves lately."

"Holy fuck!" my older brother bellowed. "Are you fucking Matt?!" I hoped to God he was alone, but I took heart in the knowledge that Max might be brash but he wasn't dumb.

"No, not that. But we've been trading blowjobs for a few weeks now." I blushed as I admitted it, but it felt like a welcome relief to admit it.

"Well, I'll be. Good for you guys. Only I'm a little jealous... Matt was a little hottie when last I saw him."

"He's put on a little muscle since," I said, feeling a strange pride in my son's development.

"I'll bet he has... fuck!" Max's voice was deep and booming, like you'd expect a college football coach's to be. Only there was a hint of desire there, too. Something about that turned me on but scared me, too.

"I still don't know if I'm doing the right thing, bro," I said. "But Matt told me he's gay and into older men, and well..." The more I tried to describe it, the dumber I felt.

"No way that stud doesn't have the hots for you, Dave. Just like I've had since we were teenagers."

Max's words made me feel warm and excited. Even in my early 40s, even as I had a real job and a family and a house in the suburbs, I felt like I was back in Max's room on one of his weekends home from college, as we slowly made out before he lifted my legs and steadily fucked us both to a deep orgasm.

Even now, it was like my big bro could read me perfectly. "You're thinking about it now, aren't you, bro?" he asked after a second of my silence. "Thinking about me nailing your federal agent ass?"

"I am," I whispered. "I wish you were here, Max.... I wish you could fuck me while we talked about our boys."

It was a wild thing to say but Max was right there with me.

"Next time, buddy," he growled in that sexy baritone of his. "Next time we'll swap stories and I'll make you come so hard you pass out."

"Can't wait, Max," I said with more than a bit of longing and regret in my voice. I loved my wife, loved family, loved being the upstanding federal agent all the neighbors loved to have around.

But I also knew my ability to compartmentalize my love of cock was starting to slip, fast.

***

I had already planned a trip into the city with Matt to take advantage of some basketball tickets I'd gotten him for his birthday. A nice dinner, a Wizards game, and maybe tour one of the national museums. Kate and I made a concerted effort to spend some one-on-one time with each of our kids. It was my turn with Matt, and I was thrilled.

Not as much as my son was, apparently. He had a smirk as we checked into our hotel and made out way to our room. I had a good feeling what was on his mind, and indeed once our room door closed with a loud click, Matt turned to me with a look of clear lust in his eyes.

"OK if we have sex, Dad?" We'd been trading blow jobs regularly and had even settled into a comfortable routine with them, but my son was still respectful in asking me. Giving me an out.

I never took it. I stepped a little closer to Matt. "You're the birthday boy," I joked.

"My birthday was a month ago," Matt grinned. I didn't look but I could tell my son was getting an erection. I know I was.

"Well, this weekend is about you," I said. "Whatever you want to do."

Matt's cute face got a serious look for a second. "God, Dad, I don't know if you're suggesting this, but there's so much I want to do with you."

That caught me off guard. "Yeah, buddy?"

He nodded, with an adorable. "It's all been so incredible the last month, I've been afraid to ask for more."

"It's been incredible for me, too, son," I said softly. "So... why don't we get a little more comfortable and you can tell me what you've been wanting to try."

I pulled off my polo shirt and watched as Matt removed his T-shirt. Each month his body looked even more incredible, more developed. Some dark-blond hair was starting to come in around his belly button and along a treasure trail. And already he was unbuttoning his jeans and pulling them off to reveal more of that soft down leading to his crotch.

As I removed my jeans and briefs, I was rock hard, like I always was with Matt, but the excitement now felt more palpable. I knew we were going to go deeper this weekend. I didn't know how deep, but my heart pounded to imagine the possibilities.

It hadn't fully sunk in for me yet, but Matt was realizing we were alone, without the threat of interruption. We could speak freely.

"God, Dad, you're so hot.... your body... your dick... I love it all."

Damn, Matty could make me feel like a goddamn stud. And something about the way he looked at me made me think I could take a chance.

I stepped up to him, placing my hand on his hips and touching my hardon against his. "You turn me on, too, buddy." And I leaned in and turned my head slightly to avoid our noses bumping. I didn't rush, in case Matt wasn't ready for this.

He was ready. His lips met me the rest of the way and we shared our first kiss. It was magical. Sexual, lusty, yet loving. I was kissing my own son and he was kissing me back, his hands now exploring my older, fit body. Almost gripping me greedily. I touched his naked flank and explored to the top of his ass, feeling the forbidden nature of that touch, as I took the lead in showing him how I enjoy kissing. Matt responded pretty quickly.

We were both grinning ear to ear when we parted.

"Wow," Matt gasped.

"Yeah, wow," I said. "Your first kiss?" I asked.

He shook his head. "I've kissed a few girls, you know, but that was just going through the motions."

"No going through the motions here," I said. As a quip, but also to let my son know he shouldn't feel pressure to do anything he didn't want to.

"No, sir," Matt said and initiated a second kiss.

We embraced and clumsily made our way back to the bed. I fell back first and with a second Matt was on top of me. That very feeling, of 180 pounds of teen jock on me, turned me on like mad. It was like being beneath Max, only with a different feel, a different energy. Matt was horny beyond belief but was doing his best to be suave with me, slowly feeling me up, kissing along my neck.

He finally raised up a little and looked down, trying to read in my face how he was doing.

"You feel good, buddy," I encouraged him. "Real good."

"Yeah, Dad?" Matt asked with his voice croaking in lust a little. "I've been dreaming about this for a while."

I ran my hands along his back and over to his ass, then back. Everything about his young body was firm and lithe. "Anything else you been dreaming about?"

He nodded. "You won't get mad if I ask?"

"I can always say no," I said. "But never be afraid to ask me for anything, son."

He grinned. "I think about fucking a lot."

I expected that. "You doing the fucking?" I clarified.

"Both, actually."

"Is that what you fantasize doing with Kyle's dad?" My son had confessed to having a crush on his friend's father.

"Jeez, you're 10 times hotter than Mr. Williams, Dad."

Our crotches were rubbing together and I knew I wanted my son in me. "I brought some lube in my toiletries bag," I said softly.

"I got some too," Matt said and I watched as he got off, erection leading the way, and went to root through his bag. He pulled out a slender bottle and held it up for me. "Will this do?" Confirming he'd bought the right stuff.

I nodded. "Yeah, that'll do fine."

Matt was so excited but I could tell he still wasn't sure which was this was going to go. But I leaned back and pulled back my legs, and was happy to see his excitement.

"Oh fuck yes."

"Take your time slicking me up and entering," I instructed. "After that, you're good to go."

"Yes, sir," Matt hissed, scooting between my legs and flipping the cap on the lube. The gel felt cool at first, then nice as his fingers circled my pucker. I thought he was just teasing me then I realized my son was hesitating.

"Go ahead, Matt. Push your finger in."

It prodded me and at that moment the taboo of it all sunk in. My son's finger was in my ass. Now two, pushing deeper, twisting around. I thought of telling him I was good for his dick now, but he seemed to intuit it on his own. He slicked up his rigid cock and pressed it against me.

"Oh fuck, that's good," I hissed. It was too. I loved getting fucked, with the right man. But I wasn't prepared by how turned on I'd be to bottom for my son.

"Yeah, Dad?" Matt asked, feeling off the thrill of penetrating my ass. I knew I was tight and warm around his sinking cockhead.

"So you kissed a few girls before..." I said.

Matt got what I was asking. "You're my first, Dad," he said. He had a real pride in his voice that melted my heart. Just saying it turned him on, too, I could tell, and more of his rigid dick pressed in.

I made an effort not to coach him anymore. Matt had this. His dick was pushing in deep now and felt amazing. Max Harris level amazing. Even better because it was my Matt. My eldest.

With a new assuredness, my son leaned down and kissed me. I kissed back and clung to his back as he started fucking me. I wouldn't call my boy skilled - this was his first time out after all - but he had more natural technique than expected. For the rest, I fed off his horny energy.

"I feel like I could come any minute Dad," Matt finally warned me as he raised up a little on his forearms.

"Yeah buddy?" I growled. "Go for it."

He shook his head. "I wanna see you get off too." His hips weren't a blur of motion like before but now gave slow, deep pumps into me. The change felt amazing.

Damn. "Yeah?"

"Yes, sir," he said with an earnestness. "What's gonna get you off, Dad?"

I ran my hands appreciatively over his toned chest and abs. "Well, I'm gonna need some lube for starters."

Matt grinned and reached over for the tube and made a show of drizzling some of the liquid on my rockhard cock. "Is that enough?"

"A little more," I instructed. "There... perfect."

I gripped my boner and gave a slow tug, smearing the lubricant into an even coat. The sensations were pure pleasure now as I stroked.

"OK," I said. "The slow strokes work well for me."

Matt smiled and started pumping me again with his teen cock. I felt bad for getting back into coaching mode, but if I was going to get off I figured I'd need to tell him what worked for me.

"Nice," I said as I felt the steady, slow strokes in my ass and against my prostate. "Now... keep that pace and put more power to each thurst... Really go hard."

Matt bit his lip in concentration as he did just what I asked. I'd learned I really like this approach with Max, but goddamn I wasn't prepared for how wonderfully hard my son's thrusts would be. Each one battered against my internal gland and shot jolts of pleasure through my body.

"Fuck yes!" I cried. "Fuck me son!"

He got into it, using his whole body behind each movement. I could tell his natural impulse was must to pound me with jackrabbit thrusts but the act of holding back channeled all that teen energy into the rhythmic strokes.

"That's it, Matt... Harder buddy.... You're gonna fuck your dad off!"

And like that I shot good and hard. My sperm rained onto my chest and stomach with heavy ropes. I felt lightheaded my orgasm was so intense.

"Fucking nice!" Matt cried in excitement as he watched me nut. If I wasn't aware of how hard it had been for my son to hold off coming, I was now. Almost immediately Matt entered a healthy orgasm between my spread legs, nutting good and hard deep in my ass.

We took our time uncoupling and enjoyed the feel of each other's clammy-sweaty bodies, feeling each other up as we kissed.

"You sure that wasn't your first fuck, son?" I asked playfully. "You were a goddamn stud."

I was laying on the compliment thick, but it was an honest one. It brought a smile to Matt's face.

"You were my first, Dad. Honest. You know," he said almost shyly, "I kind of expected the first time would be a let down. You know? Like you build it up and there's no way the actual experience could live up to the one in your head."

"And?"

Matt's fingers lovingly stroked my chest and abs, running through the cum that was liquifying on there. "The real thing was so much better even."

"I'm glad," I said.

Matt paused. "You said I could ask you anything, right, Dad?"

I nodded.

"Well... was that your first time?"

I shook my head. "I guess you're realizing it's not."

"Wow," my son said. "You said you'd been with men before, but I never thought...."

"That I'd bottom?"

"Yeah, that," Matt laughed. "I'm glad you did."

I wondered if I could share with Matt what I was about to say. But I figured I could trust him. "Can you keep a secret son?"

Matt seemed annoyed. "God, Dad, I'm not gonna tell anyone about this."

"No, not that," I said. "I mean.... well, this stays between you and me, but your Uncle and I have a history."

That shocked him for sure, but he played it off with an attempt at a poker face. "Max or Tim?"

I laughed nervously. "Um, both actually. Though your Uncle Max is the only other man to have fucked me. It's kind of our thing actually."

"That's wild," Matt said. "Hot as hell, but wild."

"Not as wild as us doing it," I reminded him. "You know, Max and I are real close. And, well, I told him about us, buddy." I felt bad now that I had to confess this to Matt, but I felt like he deserved the truth. "You mad at me?"

Matt shook his had. "Dad, you just gave me the most amazing sex ever. What do you think?"

"I think I should have asked you before telling anyone else. Even Max."

Matt shrugged his shoulders. "I know you're careful about this stuff, Dad. It's cool." He paused. "Besides. If you and Uncle Max hadn't done it, I probably wouldn't have been able to fuck you just now. So I figure I owe him."

"That's one way to look at it," I smiled.

****

We just stayed overnight, but it was a magical weekend with my son. Matt was like a kid with a new toy, and after dinner that night, he sheepishly asked if we could fuck again. By which he meant if he could fuck me. We tried to take our time that session, and I showed Matt some new positions. After we both came, I asked which one he liked best. He looked at me with an excited post-coital glow on his attractive face.

"God, Dad, it's all amazing. I don't know if I could choose."

"You don't have to, kiddo," I grinned, playfully nudging my upper arm against his. This was intimate and familiar, lying in bed naked next to my son, who'd just expertly fucked me. All felt right with the world.

It felt just as nice the next morning when we had a slow make out session a good couple hours before check out. Matt got a horny, serious look on his face. "I wanna try something, Dad," he said in a soft growl to his teen voice. "Roll over on your stomach."

My heart pounded. I wondered if my son was gonna rim me, but I hadn't really shown him that or talked about it. Instead, I felt his lips softly kiss my shoulder before he reached over to pump out some lube. Then Matt mounted me.

No finger prep this time. I guess my son figured I was loosened up by the two fucks previously. But Matt took his time feeding me his rigid jock dick. The slow entry made it feel even bigger, and I sighed as I felt filled up again. I still don't know why I loved having a dick inside me - Max's and now Matt's. But I did, physically and mentally.

But if I was enjoying this, Matt was overwhelmed with excitement. His thrusts weren't rapid but they were urgent. Like he couldn't believe the sensations he was feeling in my ass. He fucked a little faster, getting worked up. "Oh Dad..." he hissed. Then with a surprised warning, "Oh FUCK, I'm gonna cum." Before Matt had made sure I'd gotten off first, or at least with him. Not now. He was orgasming good and hard in my guts.

His young lithe body relaxed and almost slumped on top of me. He caught his breath and gave me a kiss along the base of neck, then rolled off.

I turned to face him and saw the most angelic, masculine expression I'd ever seen on him. Sexual satisfaction and manly pride, too. My hot lacrosse stud of a son.

"I think I've found my favorite position," he smiled.

"Yeah, buddy?" I asked.

Matt gave me the most adorable smirk as he met me for a kiss, soft and deep. He kind of scooted up and got between my legs. I wasn't sure what he had in mind but he nudged my legs apart then lifted them before sticking his still-firm cock back in me.

"Your turn to get off, Dad," he urged. He gave slow, hard strokes like I liked and watched intently as I stroked to a powerful orgasm. I was so proud of Matt at that moment.

As we went back home I had in the back of my mind that Matt said he fantasized about getting fucked too. We hadn't explored that yet and I worried about crossing that line. That parental caution, I suppose. But maybe one day we'd try that.