#i thought i lost those when i deleted my old tumblr account

[ramblingrose74656]

i was going through a google drive i forgot about and found so many folders of pictures of all kinds i thought i'd lost, but among them was a set of star trek valentine's cards i made back in 2017, which i found just in time for valentine's 2025 it seems :)

[bots-and-cons]

Hey a while back I sent in an ask that wasn’t an ask it was more like a submission. I didn’t think about it getting deleted when I re-deleted my account. I do that during collage semesters to fight the adhd urge to scroll and put off schoolwork but I pop in from time to time to check on old friends and interact.

Long story short this is the inspiration for the asking each respectable mech to take care of their tortoise Shelldon when they are gone. (Thanks for writing that btw😄) I went with an African spurred tortoise because it’s own-able. The real life Shelldon is an endangered and federally protected gopher tortoise that I think is about 3 years old now because he showed up in the spring of 2022 and mother gopher tortoises have been observed allowing offspring to hunker down in their burrow for their first winter.

But yeah dude showed up when I was replanting lettuce in my greenhouse and he started rummaging through the plants I just tossed on top of the compost pile, then he dug his burrow against my fence, and in a cat like fashion I have tortoise now and thus can never move 😂.

Due to him being a wild and protected tortoise I don’t want him to become dependent so I feed him only every so often and avoid dropping food (and I do a ton of research on what he can and can’t have) at the same time of morning or afternoon. I typically give him stuff most during the dry season since we’ve had droughts and in the winter when things die back. I will sprinkle stuff in the yard occasionally so he gets assorted veggies, I bought a small cylinder of grassland tortoise pellets, and he gets calcium fortified tortoise treats to find when out foraging every so often. But my biggest thing has been planting native grasses and a little patch of dandelions and wild pea plants against the fence.

I mean I probably shouldn’t interact with him at all legally but he moved into my yard and seemed to have a rough first year on his own, I had to move him back to his hole a few times because he got lost in my yard in 100 degree heat at the hottest part of the day when tortoises or really any animals avoid being out and started pacing in circles by the walkway because he knew he couldn’t get back to his hole in time and his shell was scalding hot those times I had to pick him up but he has seemed to have learned his lesson on what time of day is appropriate to be out and I haven’t had to move him since.

But yeah thank you for answering my ask, sorry for the ramble, and I hope you have a great week! 😄

I was wondering what happened to the ask, I thought tumblr was just being tumblr, because the amount of asks in my inbox didn't change but the ask itself disappeared. At least now I know what causes the phantom ask thingy to happen.

Anyway, I love all kinds of tortoises/turtles, and I think they're super cool, and Shelldon is also very cute. All of that is also really interesting, honestly I don't know much about tortoises in general even though we used to have one when I was a kid. Shelldon has a cool story to go with him too I see :D I think the way you're taking care of him is very reasonable and it's good you're not making him be dependent on you. Idk about the legality of it, but I don't think it's a bad thing. He looks very cute in the pictures, one hungry boi :D

[fulltimesapphic]

When I joined tumblr it was first because I was shocked I could. Then it was for the fan stuff. Then it was so I could post some crappy shitty Azicrow one-shot that was sadly (not really) lost when I deleted my old account. Then I found something. I found friends, I found some fake parents, I found a kid, I found a brother.... and I found you.

@sparrow-the-tired-lesbian around Christmas time (2023) we started flirting. As a joke at first. We strictly used /j's and I once even asked you if it was ok that we were like hardcore flirting because "I do that with all my friends" I cringe at that by the way. Then we started using /hj's and a few less /p's. Then we dropped even the /hj's. And on December 26th I told you that I had feelings for you.

Now I didn't know what it meant or what we could even do because at the time I was trying to figure things out with my ex. I didn't know a lot but I did know that I used to love her and now I love you.

And that feeling hasn't changed. We talked about it, I still have screenshots from it because you were so kind and so patient. I thought you were the prettiest person l'd ever seen and to top it all off you were nice and loving and smart.

It took my ex a little convincing but when I told her that I had fallen for someone else who gave me what I needed without me having ask she let me go. After that I ran to tell you and I was so excited to start something with you. Later that night (Dec 31st) you said “Your partner (?) with the shitty humor made a joke about “kerchoosing you” which ok hold on

You were so kind and considerate to not want to assume anything. Respecting boundaries is super hot btw

You have such a weird sense of humor and I will always Kerchoose you

You are kind, smart, beautiful, you make stupid jokes and make wonderful music. You care for me when I’m struggling and aren’t afraid to ask me for help.

You’ve called me Babe, Baby, Saph, Snoth, Bug and so much more. Once you called me darling and when I asked you if you could not you said absolutely and changed it. You also asked if I wanted you to call me by my irl name.

You have helped me start to love things about myself. To love myself as a whole. Things that I used to hate about myself I can look at with love because you love them. You have helped me learn things about myself and start to learn who I could be.

I have gotten so much better, so much happier because I have you to lean on if I need it. And you have me to lean on as well.

I still have my ups and downs and so do you. But when have those moments we know that we can go to each other. And I think that is so special.

I know that if I’m hating myself I can text you something random and you will make everything so much better. You deserve so much mon coeur.

I just know that when we meet (I look at that moment with a when not an if) I’m going to hold you in my arms for as long as we can stand it.

Thank you for helping me realize that I deserve be loved and that I deserve a safe place. That I deserve a home.

It’s hard to think that we haven’t know each other our whole lives, I hope to spend the rest of mine with you

Thank you Sparrow. From the bottom of my heart. And from the rest of my heart.

Happy brithday birdie

[allthebestcowboyshavedaddyissues]

how many works do you have on ao3?

41! there’s a couple i’m getting ready to go up though

what's your total ao3 wordcount?

223,077

what fandoms do you write for?

currently: fall out boy/bandom rpf, lost, smallville, supernatural (& rpf for that also)

top 5 fics by kudos

there’s actually two beds (supernatural rpf)

The California Effect (supernatural)

Superficial (supernatural)

After the Beep (supernatural)

love times five (smallville)

do you respond to comments?

usually all of them:)

what is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

damn this is like a competition ummmm…Bite or Semper Fidelis & Armageddon in Clay Motion or Doors, hard to say?

what is the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

pfftttt. Something Familiar, Something New & Dean Smith’s Guide to Happy Holidays (With Bloodplay)

do you get hate on fics?

once

do you write smut?

rarely but yea, prefer reading to writing in that area

craziest crossover?

Lost x The ‘Burbs from lostoween. Insanely awesome.

have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that i know of!

have you ever had a fic translated?

nope

have you co-written a fic before?

@obsessivedaydreamer YES!

all time favorite ship?

GAH um peterick. long years of rpf brainrot but my first tumblr account was dedicated to dan and phil so!

what's a wip you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

those are fighting words because i SWEAR i will finish it but Superficial. it deserves more attention because i still find the concept great i just haven’t felt drawn to it since i actually posted it unfortunately

what are your writing strengths?

i think i tend to keep things in character, or i try my best to, anyway. i think endings should pack a punch or hold some weight so i try to make everything i write have an ending i’m proud of even if i don’t like the project much overall. i think my humor is pretty good! a bit over the top in crack fics but i like it that way depending on the vibe i’m going for!

what are your writing weaknesses?

smut always feels SO awkward even though everyone says its fine i just haven’t gotten over the hump yet LOL. sometimes i feel myself losing velocity midway through and i hate that because i love when EVERY part of a story is interesting. also, internal dialogue when writing in third person / multiple points of view.

thoughts on dialogue in another language?

haven’t done it yet. kind of dread ever doing it. i think it’s great though!

first fandom you wrote in?

😬😬😬 i think winx club possibly? i don’t really remember but i deleted my old dan/phil and harry potter works off ao3 in 2016 i think

favorite fic you've written?

can i talk about vent again. please. pretty please. i reread that one OFTEN because it blows my mind that i wrote it? it’s not fanfic-y and i love that about it (nothing wrong with that OBVIOUSLY i have no problem with ridiculous crack i just like how different it feels for me). semper fidelis remains a strong favorite because i love character studies & projecting 🩵 doors/ACM for lost because those made me feel like i was on fire when writing.

tagged by the lovely arizona but free/open tag for anyone who wants to do it!

[zeltqz]

I felt this needed to be sent as an ask. I know it's one of the hardest things to do (writing when your motivation is weighing) but you have to try your best NOT to listen to them (those who keep asking for updates with no consideration of what it's like for the author). Pressure ain't doing nothing but motivating negativity. I know the guilt, I've been there. At the end of the day I gave what I could and the fic ended up being discontinued a month ago. I permanently quit writing because I felt it was so overwhelming and stressful despite being something I absolutely love doing, I just couldn't take knowing people waited for my updates, I was disappointing them and that disappointed me. Talk about depression. Writers depression is very real. So eventually I unpublished my wattpad fics, deleted all my Tumblr fics, and stayed a silent reader, I wrote short poems or small works here and there for my private instagram, just whenever I felt like it. I honestly thought it was permanent. Until a friend of mine started writing which sparked my interest in it again. So I restarted my blog a couple days ago. Gave thought to what it was I wanna write and how I want this blog to be different. Atm I'm barely writing, I started 3 fics last week yet they remain in my drafts untouched with no further progress. But I can honestly say the nonchalance and freedom I have is quite nice, I try to write here and again. Or even if a single sentence or dialogue comes to mind I note it down, that gave life to another sentence and another and another until I put it together and it formed about a decent paragraph.. I'M RAMBLING. I lost track of what I was supposed to say. I don't even know the main point of this story. Forgive me. But seriously, the best advice I can give is to unburden yourself before you drown. Literally. Write what you want when you can, your wips, don't delete them!! I promise you some time later you'll definitely be inspired for them again. And when u do you'll be able to literally write more for it!! I have an idea from 2 yrs ago and it's pretty decent, with some editing it could be even better. So please don't delete them 😭😭 and don't let people push you to update. You can if you can and You can't if you can't!!! I'm here if you need any help 🙏🏻 I noticed that talking about your writing with someone who reciprocates your energy can ignite a full on passionate conversation that will lead to creating quality work!! Like new ideas or even roots to go for old works.. It's a good way to keep the motivation flowing when you're running thin 🤍🤍🤍

this is honestly the sweetest piece of advice soeone ever gave me. its so detailed and relatable too because i used to be a wattpad writer back in 2021 and then ppl kept on asking for update update update and it was so stressful so I just logged out of the account and to this day i havent logged back in 😭😭

as someone who used to be a silent reader i understand the frustration of needing an update. dont get me wrong i understand. i used to feel that exact way because fics were my only source of happiness at one point in my life when everything was shitty. but now im actually writing them, i know why some writers dont want to update so fast because its so much pressure when theres 5-6 ppl in ur inbox asking for update update update

ik how hard it is to finish a story but also how desperate it can get for the readers waiting for said update. which is the reason im constantly trying to keep writing but now i feel like i just cant. im such a perfectionist i dont post anything i dont feel is my best but rn i feel like none of my works are and its making me slack a lot and i feel like if i dont stop feeling this way then i might stop writing as a whole because its making me frustrated

writing genuinely makes me happy bc i feel like its an escape from reality (which i desperately need bc i hate my life) but i cant write good enough which is making me annoyed because i need that reality escape sooooo bad

and the reason i asked yesterday which fics of mine were peoples favourites, most of them were the series that i had deleted from my page because i reread them and hated it so bad. now im rewriting it but with this lack of motivation its one of the hardest things ive had to do in a while

and i barely talk to ppl about my fics because idk i barely recieve comments about them except for PT 2 PLS. like as much as i would LOVE to write part 2 3 4 5 6 7 etc its not motivating enough since i dont have anyone motivating me to write.

ugh this is a lot i dont except anyone to read this but THANKS FOR THE ASK <3

[anxietywithfloof]

Warning: This is a long post that i need to make for my own mental health, so if you don't want to look at this all, then I recommend going to the tl;dr section at the end, but if you do read, thank you.

Also, no names will be put because I DON'T want anyone to be dragged into this shit either. Don't go looking for them either, as I will refuse to give names of anyone. Thank you.

I don't care if you like, share, reblog, whatever. I'm not doing this for fame or to call out anyone. I just want to rid this of myself and to move on and to forgive those that I'm potentially leaving.

With all that out of the way, let's begin:

I have an announcement.

I'm taking a break from the commewnity. For a while. Idk when I'll be back, if at all. I might still talk to a few members of the commewnity, but don't expect anymore OCs from me if i decide to leave it forever. Everyone has proven they don't like them anyway. I'm angry, had multiple breakdowns, and a counselor told me this was my best bet to have my mental health be better.

Let me tell my POV.

I want to put this to rest, never to be a problem ever again.

All from the moment this shitstorm started.

My second ever reference sheet.

It was terrible, to be frank. I didn't know how to draw a Mewtwo at ALL, as well as how to execute my ideas in a drawing format or how to make a skeleton for drawing poses and such. Hell, I deleted it off of my Tumblr AND my phone because I hated it that much later on. All I knew is that I wanted one that represented me. My anxiety, my imperfections that I see in myself, my creativity. I made it and wasn't sure of the looks. It looked weird and I wasn't sure. My boyfriends and all my friends told me they loved it, however, so I went with it, nervous as hell.

This is the start of a mistake I made.

At this point, I had a couple of friends in the commewnity and I was doing decent. At least...I thought.

I wanted to join a Mew and Mewtwo server that was VERY popular, with some amazing, incredible artists and members in it, so I asked to get in.

I never got in. Still haven't.

They said they were "weary/wary" of me, which at the time, didn't make sense and...after a while...I lost, losing a friend in the process...

This was a while ago and I no longer wish to be in. It won't happen regardless, so why should I care anymore.

But the thing is...all the mods were too. From the old and bad ref that, at THAT time, I had changed and it was a bit better.

Informed it was because of my character, I tried to fix it. And, after a couple of iterations, is how you see them today. Marla. And I probably will rework them more in the future because they're a really interesting character that I want to make lore and deep characterization for.

I deleted all the old ones and that became what she looked like. Everything good, right?

Except it wasn't.

I found out other members talked about me, never even letting me KNOW about it, all behind my back saying they were uncomfortable about me, always pulling up that same damn old ref sheet that I deleted long ago and I HATED. They started saying it was a fetish character, a kink character, an NSFW character.

Marla. Is. Not. NSFW.

She's never been one and never WILL be one. NONE of my characters are, in fact. I'm a minor! I'm 16! Why the HELL would I make a character intended to be an NSFW character and post them out in the open?! What's worse?? Even though I cleared that up, they STILL think that no matter WHAT I say AND they still are holding onto that old damned ref that I didn't have confidence for in the first place.

Then they started saying they were wary because of other things, like accounts that were recommended (to which I do NOT know why they were bad for a small amount of time. Only thing I can think of is maybe because of the controversy. Maybe I accidentally followed an account that was 18+ that didn't state they were on the front. Idk. I still don't 100% know, but I think it's been fixed), to my desperation at the time to be in the server, which I get, but you have to understand that I came from a school that bullied me relentlessly and made me feel alone 24/7, so this felt like a chance at finally being heard or seen, to even my fucking ARTSTYLE and OUTCOME, to which, I need to say this. I have no control of my artstyle. My artstyle is the result of COUNTLESS practice and finding different tutorials to borrowing techniques of my favorite shows, so I'm sorry if the artstyle makes you wary of me. I can't control my own artstyle. I'm trying to IMPROVE and make it more refined, but I can't outright get rid of my artstyle. And I ALSO hate the outcome of my art sometimes. I'm not the best at angles and that feeling of "ugh. This looks off...even though I made it" happens to ANYONE that draws as a hobby. I've deleted FAR more artworks than I've posted because it looked off or I thought it could do better. So, I'm sorry my efforts also weren't enough. I really am. Like, genuine.

It's gotten to the point where I don't feel comfortable posting ANYTHING because I'm worried mods and others in the server or in the commewnity will hate me MORE for it for even MORE misconceptions and false reasons I don't know of yet. I've felt alone. Shunned. Bitter. Felt like I wasn't good enough for a chance at redemption. I've asked multiple times if i could do anything to be even in any way I could, but nothing.

If I wanted to feel like this again, I would've stayed at my old school. It's gotten to the point it feels like bullying or gatekeeping or just outright shunning me from others because of all this.

So I'm taking a break.

To those people, I've forgiven you. I've forgiven you for all this.

If you want to talk about it and work anything out...I'll be on Tumblr... and I hope we CAN work things out. But for now, I won't be giving attention to the commewnity for a while.

I love the community and I love the creativity hosted in it, but I need to do this for my mental health. I'm sorry to everyone who considers me a friend in the commewnity and I hope this whole thing can finally be solved and this whole thing can finally pass, being able to actually talk to creators and not be shunned for honest mistakes and misconceptions.

Thank you for listening and I hope everyone's daycare be a bit brighter. Mine included.

●□●□●□●□●□●□●□●□●□●□●□●□●□●□●□●□

TL;DR, an old ref I don't like because I didn't know what I was doing with the design is being hanged over my head as well as misconceptions of my characters, especially Marla, causing me to be isolated and I need a break from it.

If you want to speak, private chat me on Tumblr or Discord. You might need to wait until after I get home from school, bit I'm willing to chat or clear things up.

Thank you.

I'm sorry.

[bluegekk0]

Hello, I heard about the ask that you received from the anon and I am very sorry that you have to deal about that and I know that you are very insecure about your au being “not making any sense” but I don’t want you to think that way because you are just an artist who just loves pale king and makes cool ideas

Your au is not cringe or bad, your au is unique and creative, and you should be proud of it its just that sometimes that others can be jerks and assholes to people

You are not really alone because I share the same anxiety and worry as same as you every time I think about posting stuff about my own au as well.

I got an idea about what if winged nosk and nosk didn’t die but the survived from ghost and hornet

I headcanon that winged nosk was killed by hornet/herrah and ascended from godhome and I would like to make an au about what if winged nosk didn’t die but survived and was seeking revenge together with nosk (ghost nosk) which is why I made the devious duo au

Last couple months ago, I received a very heart amount of criticism from an anon in my inbox, about how much that they think that having winged nosk and nosk together would be a  crackship and a abomination of a kind and it would end badly as well and a couple of more stuff that I don’t like to put in detail…..

I wasn’t even trying to ship them both together, and I just thought that I think that winged nosk and nosk would be good teammates and all but the person whoever sent the ask is probably dirty minded and I made me so uncomfortable that I literally deleted all my old devious au stuff and including the comic cover I made. I really lost all my courage and I was very hesitant to post nosk art but I still post more nosk art because I still loved the character despite I received the most uncomfortable and painful ask I received in my inbox

Same as you, I created the devious duo au because it is just my comfort au and I love to make stuff about the nosks because I think that they are cool and I believed that they needed more attention because they don’t get enough love and they don’t get that much popularity from others which is why I kept drawing them

Everytime I see posts about your feral pale king au and your rambles, you gave me a bit of courage and confidence  to post the introduction of my au which I am very insecure about because it doesn’t fit in hk lore

I deleted my old art and introduction and all my nosk duo art files because I was so insecure about it and I was thinking if I should abandon it forever like I did to my old pale king au and my other au ideas (I used to be a fan of pale king but I threw away all my pale king fanart because I was scared of hate)

There are even times I tried to delete my tumblr account because I fear of getting bullied of the stuff I make

But its just an AU! And everyone is just having Fun!

I AM SO SORRY FOR THIS LONG ASK AKJHAKJSH

oh don't worry about it at all! i love reading through long asks like this!

that sounds horrible, i am so sorry you had to deal with those anons, no one deserves that kind of treatment, especially over something so harmless. people are way too judgmental and entitled when it comes to stuff like this, and it pisses me off every time i see it. i'm really sorry you had to go through that

your au idea sounds very interesting! i think i mentioned it to you at some point, it might have been on discord, i don't remember. but i always find it so charming and so inspiring when i see people attached to really minor (and often unpopular) characters, like nosk/winged nosk in your case

seriously, what that anon said to you is so cruel and for what? a harmless au idea? it's horrible. again, i'm really sorry that happened to you. and i'm sorry to hear how much it affected your confidence

if i can offer some advice, as someone who also has confidence issues, just do what you love. some people will have a problem with it, it's inevitable, but as long as you're not hurting anyone and are just enjoying yourself, to hell with them. they don't deserve your time, and you shouldn't waste time thinking about what they're gonna say. i know it's difficult sometimes, there are times when stuff like that really gets to you, i know that, i've been there. but think about all the other people who enjoy your work and want to see it, people who leave nice comments and reblog your art to show it to more people. and most importantly of all, think of yourself and how happy working on your au makes you. that is what really matters. we're all here to enjoy ourselves, after all

and if it doesn't "fit the lore"? if it "goes against the canon"? screw that. i have great respect for people who are careful and stay true to the canon, that's dedication on its own. but the idea that it's the only way to enjoy something is bullshit. make goofy aus. go crazy with them. if it makes you happy, then there's nothing wrong with that. the way i see it personally, canon is a good starting point for creativity, not a set of rules. more of a suggestion. you don't have to strictly follow it, that would be boring, if you ask me

i really hope you can find more confidence. if my art can help you with that, then that makes me happier than you can imagine. and please, if you ever need any words of encouragement, or just want to chat and share your ideas, you're always free to message me. we need to support each other, and we need to hype each other up. that's what being an artist is about, creating stuff and inspiring others

you got this friend, i believe in you. draw what makes you happy, share it with people who care. because people do care, there's always someone who does. stay strong ❤️

[unapologeticdiaries]

Unapologetic Diaries - The Ugly Truth

Unapologetic Diaries – The Ugly Truth

I want to start by saying thank you to the ones who have been following me on my journey. Whether you have reached out on Tumblr or my other social media accounts, I appreciate y’all more than you know. If you manage to get through part II then you are anticipating part III, well I hate to be the bad news bear, but I will not be writing part III. I have decided to delete parts I and II as I do not want to fill this page with negative energy. Those that have read it so far know the story, so you know sincerely that everything I am about to say is genuine to the core.

As I have said repeatedly, Unapologetic Diaries was a chance for me to share my story. In the hours I have spent writing, going through old pictures, and digging up the past, it has done more harm than good. More harm to myself than to anyone else. I said I would put part III out and introduce Dana (his new girlfriend) to the world, but as I have been thinking today, why do I want to make her famous? Why do I want to subject myself to the pain of the memories I shared with Ryan? While writing has been so rewarding for me just getting it all out, the anger in my heart is just not worth it. I promised myself to go into 2025 that I would not carry it with me, and I intend to keep that promise because neither of them is worth it.

Plain and simple. I was cheated on, gaslit, lied to, and manipulated for three years. It was not all unicorns and rainbows but there were magical moments when nothing else mattered by my “love” for Ryan. What I thought was love, was not love. It was lust. It was what the 14-year-old freshman student wanted. I was blind to who he was. Someone who can take advantage and manipulate with a sweet face. He has made me the villain in his story so in the beginning, I was determined to share my story to show the world that I am not the villain. I am not a victim either, but I am for sure not the villain. I have my flaws and faults, and I will admit those to anyone who asks. I am not ashamed of who I am, but I am ashamed of the person I became while I was with Ryan. I will never deny that I was passive, aggressive, and mean sometimes but overall, I gave him everything I had. I gave him a home, I gave him a family that he said he wanted, I supported him, I carried him when he lost his job, I worked twice as hard to pick up the slack, I cooked for him, did his laundry, and cleaned, even when I was exhausted managing him, two kids, their schedules, and a full-time job. When I was in bed profusely bleeding from a molar pregnancy, I still did all those things. I never stopped working hard for my family, including him. Every Christmas we spent together, I always made sure he had gifts under the tree even when money was tight, I never excluded him. He excluded me. Always. Yes, if you hear his version of things, I allegedly took all his money, and he never had money to do things or go places. Well, I am sorry to say that when you have a family to take care of, you move from the top of the list to the bottom of the list because bills and putting food on the table should come first. I am sorry that he did not have a job where he was making buckets of money, but we were happy to have a roof over our heads and food in our bellies. When you have a family, those should be your priorities, right? Even if the children are not biologically yours, you chose THEM and you accepted THEM so they should have been what mattered. Not cheating on their mother and video games. When I think about the last three years I just want to scream and cry but I know I must be the stronger person. At the end of the day, I know in my heart that Ryan did not truly love me or my kids, he just liked what he could get from me; a home, someone to cater to him, do his laundry, and take care of him like a child. He has been coddled his entire life. Lived with his parents for years and years. Looking back at it, how could I love someone like that? Selfish, self-centered, barely graduated high school because of “migraines,” no college degree, no goals, or life ambitions. Just work a lowly job making $19 an hour and he calls that happiness.

I was so stupid to think that Ryan was the love of my life. He was not. Even though I started to save a little bit of money here and there for our future wedding because I was sure that he would propose to me, of course that didn’t happen and I took that money I was saving to retain an attorney because he (well rather Dana) threatened to take me to court over a vehicle that I made the down payment on and make the monthly payments on, that isn’t even his. They both stooped so low to try and bully me and take my only source of transportation away knowing good and well that Ryan couldn’t afford the payment, but because they don’t want me to have it. Well, my lawyer put stop to that really quickly and after the email that was sent to him, he did not even bother to respond because he has no legal ground. The retainer on that attorney is still valid for as long as I want so he can try me if he wants to. I will never forgive myself for thinking I could build a life with someone like him. But I did not lose the love of my life – I lost the parasite that was draining the life out of me. Narcissists are not soulmates; they are predators in disguise, and understanding this was crucial to my healing. The person I saw at the end of the relationship is who Ryan truly is. Staying in the bathroom on his phone for extended periods of time, would get nervous when I would even think about touching his phone, would always keep his phone silent, and keep the phone close to him when he was on it. I knew he was on Tinder and other apps talking to other girls and he would still come home to me at night, sleep with me, tell me he loved me, tell me I was the only one for him, and every other lie he could think of to keep me in his grasp. When he would say that he “loved me” and I would question it with “do you”? and he would say “I do love you” – no, he never did. He loved the fact that I would clean up and cook for him. He loved the fact that he could hurt me, and I would stay. He only loved that the fact that he could do what he wanted to me, and I would still love him with every broken piece of my heart, and he never cared. That is not what love is. His true nature was hidden behind a façade of charm, charisma, and manipulation. He lured me in with false promises, fake emotions, and a convincing act. But underneath it all, he was feeding off my emotional energy, chipping away at my self-worth, and eroding my sense of self. What I experienced was not love; it was a toxic cycle of abuse where each day felt like a battle for survival. His gaslighting, emotional extortion, and constant criticism were not signs of affection; they were tools for control and domination. His infidelity, deceit, and lack of empathy were not mere mistakes; they were deliberate actions to exploit my vulnerabilities. When we officially broke up and his mother took advantage of me being vulnerable, I did things like show up at his work and say things to him that at the time I thought I felt in my heart. Turns out, my head and my heart were not in the same place and the path I was on mentally was a very dark one. He took three years and threw them all away because I was not shiny and pretty anymore. He cheated on me with Dana, went to Tennessee on his birthday to be with her, ended up in an official relationship with her, and moved to Tennessee. I did not lose a loved one – I escaped a toxic nightmare. I broke free from the cycle of abuse, and that takes incredible courage, strength, and resilience. Narcissists are incapable of genuine love; they only mimic it to get what they want. To heal, I have accepted the truth; I was not loved, I was used. I was a source of supply, a means to an end, and a pawn in his manipulative game. Now, I am free to rediscover myself, embrace true love, and live a life filled with purpose, joy, and authenticity.

Since July, I have come so far on my journey that I have no intention of turning back. I tried so hard to keep his family on my side. They claimed to love me and my children, but that turned out to be a lie and I had to accept that. I obviously could not expect his family to want to keep us around when he abandoned them. His mother made sure that I stayed out of the picture for good by encouraging him to cheat on me, and one day I will forgive her for myself. I refuse to deal with people who do not understand the principles of things. It is not what he did, it is how he did it. What makes it worse is knowing if the roles were reversed, he would lose his mind. Ryan will never grow up and mature because he has people in his corner justifying his wrongs. Right is RIGHT, and wrong is WRONG. He will never know how to hold himself accountable if the people around him continuously applaud and make excuses for him. A boy would admit that you deserve better and walk away from you and a man would recognize you deserve better and fight every single day to be the best version of himself for you. Well, we all know who I got out of the deal. I have always been a firm believer in karma even as a young child. Karma says, “A time will come in your life when people regret why they treated you wrong.” I am a firm believer that she will come in full swing for Ryan and Dana in 2025. I pray for the day when he comes crawling back to South Carolina with his tail between his legs and is either back at his parents’ house because they constantly enable his behavior, or homeless and sleeping in his car. As I type this, I can feel the weight lifting off my shoulders because as satisfying as writing this is, I pray that 2025 is the worst year yet for them both and they get everything they deserve which is nothing. I would never ill-wish someone, but hey, there is a first time for everything, right? So, they can continue to sit on social media and clout chase and make everyone believe they are happy. I promise you; it will end.

Dana, you may think you won, you beat me, and you made me your enemy, but I promise you, sweetheart, your time is coming. You went out of your way to make sure to block me and not speak to me woman to woman and that is all right. I can respect your decision because, at the time, I would not have been the best person to talk to. I cannot even be mad at this point because he chose to be with trash. So, as I know you follow Rylee’s social media and she purposely posts everything publicly so you will see it, I will never forgive you for the pain you caused not only me but my two children who are innocent in all of this. I hope every time he pays you a compliment in the back of your mind, you remember my words – It is not real – He sees you as an opportunity to get away from his parents and his old life. That is all you are, an opportunity. As soon as he sees another pretty girl on Tinder, he will repeat the cycle, and it will be you in the hot seat this time. You are the Tinder girl for me, and he will keep jumping around, but now he is in another state to do so. The people back home will not know what is going on but the moment your relationship changes on social media, we will all know. Are you guys already talking about plans? Moved in together? Does he have you thinking he wants to have a life with you? Does he tell you he only wants you when you are having sex? Does he say you are his best friend? Are there days when he would rather sit around and play video games than spend time with you? Has he told you he loves you yet? Met your family? Have you met his? Fairly sure you have not. Is his mom trying to get close to you? Does she tell you that you are so pretty or put hearts on all your pictures? Has she told you all the awful things about me? You are just another pawn in the Nyberg vicious cycle. I honestly feel sorry for you. However, not sorry enough to pity you. I hope he breaks your heart. I hope he makes you cry. I hope he tells you everything you want to hear and more so when the time comes, it hurts more than anything you have ever felt before. I am not a religious person, but I know the gods are on my side and when it all comes to a head, just know that I will be in the front seat watching it all unfold. I hope that 2025 is the worst year of your life. Respectfully.

To Ryan, I simply hope you burn in hell for everything you have put me through and for everything you have put my children through. They loved you. My son worshipped the ground you walked on, and you walked all over him. Sometimes I wonder if it were a mistake loving someone so hard and getting so badly hurt in the process but other times, I know that I would never have known what love was if I did not. There is beauty in loving someone even if they do not love you back the same way and for that, I regret nothing. My only regret was letting it go on for as long as it did. I blame myself for that disservice to myself and my children. You did not like the fact that I tried to get you out of your old ways of wanting everything handed to you. I do not regret that. I do not regret trying to get you to be a grown-up because even in your family’s eyes, you still have a lot of growing up to do. I do not regret trying to bring out the best in you when you do not feel at your best. I do not regret helping you find a job or helping you when you were going through your depression. I do not regret anything. This is usually the part where I tell you that I wish you all the best and all the happiness in the world but there are people more deserving in the world and you are not one of them. You do not deserve happiness. You do not deserve love. You deserve nothing. I remember the stories you told me about previous girlfriends and how they would cheat on you, and now it makes sense. I am not the kind of girl that would cheat on someone but in this case, I wish I would have. You never see yourself as the problem, but you ARE the problem. I hope 2025 is the worst year for you yet and wish you nothing but the bad karma you deserve. Respectfully.

To all the followers on my journey, I hope this gives you the peace of mind it brings me. I am happy, healthy, and looking forward to the path I am on. Finding true love again and bringing myself and my children all the happiness in the world because they are the most deserving. We are already gearing up to make 2025 the best year yet and I am so excited to share with you all. I have had the last two weeks off from work and the goal was to be as bored as possible so I could write and reset mentally for the new year. I cannot express how much I am looking forward to returning to work and continuing to work hard and being rewarded for that hard work. I have already had a raise this year AND got a very generous bonus in January and when we have evaluations again in July, there will be another raise. I am so blessed and grateful. My kids are on their paths to healing and while my son has struggled a little with all the changes, he is blossoming into an amazing young man who is starting to thrive again. My daughter is finding herself and even had her first date and I am relishing in how great they are both doing. I cannot say enough how excited we are for 2025 and the amazing things to come for us.

Until the next entry. Stay happy. Stay healthy. Come as you are, unapologetically.

Xoxo Lexi ♥

[giigil]

how did you start to write? kinda curious to know your trajectory

story time! (really happy you asked, hehe.) note: if anyone's interested in going through my past writings, let me know and i'll probably make a google drive folder lol.

I've been addicted to gaming ever since I was younger and I've always had hyperfixations that would come and go. Middle school was when I realized I had a love for reading books (mainly young adult, romance, fiction + manga) and I used to always spend my time in the school library during my lunch breaks.

2012: I was 13 and almost graduated from middle school. I adored Zelda/Link as a ship so much that I Googled 'Zelda x Link' to look for cute art, only to stumble across a website: Fanfiction.net. Yep. That site.

I read through a couple of stories and found myself hooked. I made an account, and I decided to start writing my own stories.

Super Smash Brothers Brawl had a huge impact on my life and holds a special place in my heart. It was all I'd ever written and thought about when I first started.

( putting a read more to elaborate further on my writing journey. )

Around 2013, though, someone put a wrench on my Fanfiction.net journey by reporting my story -- it wasn't anything horrible, it was just a cringe Truth or Dare fanfiction that someone and their group said was "against" Fanfiction.net rules. That story got deleted, and out of impulse and feeling depressed, I deleted every single fanfiction I'd ever posted on my account.

I deeply regret doing so, because there were so many ideas that I can't look back on because my memory isn't able to recall a whole lot of them.

At least a few weeks after, though, I got onto Tumblr and got into Tumblr roleplaying! Fairy Tail was my next huge fixation and I made a roleplay blog focused on Edo-Cana from the Edolas arc (after I spoke with an Edo-Lucy blog). After I lost my inspiration for Edo-Cana, I moved on to Evergreen, and then Lucy Heartfilia.

I believe I lost interest in roleplaying on Tumblr around 2014.

2014: I was still writing on Fanfiction.net, but as usual, I would delete my fics when they didn't satisfy me. I wrote for a couple of other fandoms ranging from Big Hero Six, Rise of the Guardians/Young Justice, and more. I'd also joined websites like Quotev and Wattpad.

2015: In my junior year of high school, I made a friend who also had an interest in roleplaying. She introduced me to this one roleplaying website which allowed me to continue with writing.

However, as you can probably see, I have the absolutely terrible habit of losing interest in things quickly. I ended up quitting roleplaying due to that.

I also joined Archiveofourown. I don't remember if I'd ever posted anything around the time of joining. This is the one year I don't remember much for.

I also continued to post on Fanfiction.net:

As per usual, it lasted for *almost* a year.

November 10th, 2016 was the last time I ever posted on my Fanfiction.net account.

I had a dry spell when it came to writing for a good year and a half from 2016-2017.

April 21 2017: I played Final Fantasy XV and (it's what I hyperfixated on for a good 2 years). Around April 27-28, I already had a hankering for wanting to write fanfiction for it. I have so many ideas that haven't seen the light of day, and probably never will.

There's so many drafts, mostly unfinished, just sitting in my Google Drive.

August 2018: I posted a Prompto Argentum x Reader fic on archiveofourown, but eventually orphaned it and everything else I had posted.

October 2018: My hyperfixation for Red Dead Redemption 2 started. I thought up of ideas, plotlines, etc.

February 2019: I posted 3 Arthur Morgan x Reader fics. Which, you can probably already guess what the fuck happened to those. *orphaned. woooow.*

March 2019: I swore off writing anything else for my old Fanfiction.net account, and have left all of my fanfiction saved there.

2020-2021: Once more, I stopped writing and focused on trying to get through day by day life considering it was the COVID outbreak and I was only ever working. I never stopped reading fanfiction though. It's what's kept my writing decent -- at least, that's what I feel like. 2020 was when my hyperfixation on Final Fantasy 7/Remake started. I would think up of things.

March 23, 2022: (Not a writing thing, but I like to make note of it.) The start of my hyperfixation on Jujutsu Kaisen and Gojo!

December 2022: I finally posted a fic after so long. Haven't deleted it, and I swear I won't.

January 2023: Wrote my first ever M rated fic for Nero the Sable from Final Fantasy 7 Remake x Reader, and told myself I'd go back to writing. I haven't posted anything else on AO3 since then.

August 11, 2023: I learned of and created an account on character.ai!

September 18, 2023: I started making character.ai bots!

TL;DR:

As you can see, I'm an inconsistent person and have occasional moments of inspiration and eventually get tired of things. There will be times when I need a break from writing, so I apologize if it takes me a bit to get through all of my requests.

[mediocrityprinciple]

03/31/2024

CW // implied suicide, transphobia/homophobia, pet death mention

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Today is a hard day for me.

As a queer, trans person, TDOV should be a day of celebration. However, every TDOV is a stark reminder of one of the worst experiences in my life - one that continues to affect me to this day.

Add to that my fundamentalist christian upbringing and the religious trauma that accompanies it - well. Today is /particularly/ hard.

On March 31st, 2015, I was 18 years old and finally (or so I thought) coming to terms with my identity as an agender/nonbinary/genderqueer sapphic person. I posted on my (since deleted) tumblr with a couple selfies to celebrate TDOV, something I NEVER did on tumblr - and a mistake I will likely never repeat. My anxiety about sharing photos of myself online on particular accounts has never really gone away but it's something that I've grown more comfortable with over the years. Two days after posting, I was met with horrible vitrol from the person that was my best friend, the person I was head over heels in love with (without realizing it) and the person who I admired and respected and cared about more than anything. (Honestly, looking back, I think it was more of an unhealthy romanticization/obsession than anything but that is something I am still coming to terms with - it was a classic sapphic high school experience tbh.) At some point she had found my tumblr account and been keeping tabs on it - apparently this was her breaking point. [Note: I would share screenshots but I deleted them years ago after reading and re-reading the things that were said to me and frankly I have no desire to try to dig them up from my old files]

This broke me. Her hatred towards me broke me.

The only reason I survived those first couple days was for my pet rabbit (who passed less than a week later and whose death I still blame on myself.)

It's been nearly nine years since that day and I have learned and grown and matured as a person - including getting away from some of the incredibly unhealthy delusions I had at the time (I was DEEPLY involved in otherkin + OSDD/DID tumblr and was dissociating heavily at this period of my life. I want to be clear, I was not "faking" I was severely mentally ill and frankly, the messages from my "best friend" helped me re-examine some of my delusions and eventually heal from them).

Regardless of the passage of time, there is still a Wound surrounding TDOV that I cannot separate from the day. What should be a day of joy and celebration always reminds me of what I lost and the nightmares that plagued me for years (and on occasion still do).

Ironically, She reached out to me back in 2018 and we had reconciled for a time. But as of today it's been three years since she's responded to my messages. The last time I texted her was to wish her happy birthday (a date that also falls this week).

In 2018 I thought I had healed from the experience. I had accepted what had happened and when she contacted me to apologize I welcomed the chance to be friends again. I don't regret this, but I do feel like a fool for reopening that wound. I opened myself up to the hope of rekindling our friendship only to be hurt all over again (albeit in a different way.) She does not owe me friendship, but neither do I owe her forgiveness.

The nightmares have started again and this week and this day is a reminder of the trauma that I experienced losing a friend, losing a pet, and losing my identity (for a time.)

I look forward to the day that I can celebrate Trans Day of Visibility with pride. I look forward to the day that it doesn't remind me of her. I look forward to the day that I can - once again - accept what happened is part of the reason I am who I am and acknowledge that forgiveness is a virtue. I took a chance and it backfired. I was hurt all over again. And the worst part? If she texted me right now? I would probably respond. Because I still care about her in some way and I still have hope that we could be friends.

But she won't. And I won't. Because while forgiveness is a virtue, I am not willing to let her hurt me again. I'm done.

Maybe in another 9 years I can be proud to celebrate this day untainted by bad memories. But until then, I am happy to see trans joy on my timeline. Trans people exist. We exist in many forms with many experiences from many walks of life. We are here to stay no matter what the world throws at us. I'm so glad to still be here. And even though today is hard for me now, it won't always be.

Happy Trans Day of Visibility. Keep spreading your joy, one day I will join you. <3

[krowspiracyanon]

I post about AO3 and have casually lurked but... don't actually have an account and am not quite familiar. Never fully ventured in.

Wondering if I should still bite the bullet and make an account just in case. Maybe it's time to at least read through the terms and conditions and see whether or not I want to ask for an invite.

It's another fandom site I somewhat know of, and for want of a better word, seems more 'reputable' than others. However it's still governed by US law and would be affected by the passing of KOSA.

I'm not familiar at all with other sites that are being suggested as Tumblr alternatives (cohost, Dreamwidth, Bluesky, Toyhouse) and don't know what I'd be getting into there in terms of who owns my posted stuff, other legalities, hosting, digital safety, or the culture around and management of harassment.

I think Deviant Art and other fanfic sites may be less active, host more AI content, or be prone to getting scraped. Wattpad doesn't seem like something I'd be interested in.

Livejournal is apparently against being scraped... It's probably long dead but hell, I'm willing to have a go and learn its idiosyncrasies as long as there's a safe little crevice to bunker down in and a few crumbs to subsist on. However... it's now owned and hosted in Russia, conforming to Russian law? Not very LGBTIA+ friendly I imagine.

Discord is a no.

I'm still processing, weighing up what my options are, and deciding how to respond to everything that's going on.

I don't currently have any concrete plans to leave or delete Tumblr. And this hellsite is like a cockroach that just won't die. But I am really thinking hard about the direction it's been steadily going in and has now sharply veered into. Not good.

It'd be a shame if I randomly got banned or just stopped feeling okay to be here and lost touch with the little niche indie communities I've been participating in. They're a nice breather when meatspace can be quite hostile and discriminatory.

I really wonder if things go further to shit whether those blogs might just become less active as people leave, whether indie artists devs and fans might settle in a different platform, or if everyone will kind of just scatter and dissipate.

It's a depressing thought.

I'm still working on fixing the old desktop for Nightshade/Glaze and will organise WebGlaze if I can't. Or, things being how they are with me, I might take a break from creating or sharing for now.

[ltleflrt]

This whole backlash against printing fics irks the fuck out of me, and I got some shit to say about it. Mostly "Fuck You" but here's some nuance:

On the surface, I understand where the naysayers are coming from. It's a legitimate fear that making a profit from fanworks will bring down the C&D Hammer on fandom. I get that. Do not put on the One Ring, or you'll risk the Eye of Sauron.

But here's the thing. Fuck capitalism. Fuck digital only. We're living in the digital dark ages, and 100 years from now huge swathes of our history, fact and fiction, will be lost to our descendants because there will be no physical copies of our lives for them to find in old libraries and boxes in the attic, etc.

Creators deserve physical copies of their creations, and so do the other people in the world who love them.

I don't want to profit from letting people print my fics. That's why I use Lulu, since they have an option to set zero profit and make the links hidden so only fans in the know can get a copy. Other printing sites I've looked at in the past don't have those options. In fact, the first time I ever even thought about printing one of my stories was when I won NaNo for the first time and one of the prizes was a coupon for 3 free printings of your story. HELL YEAH, that's a copy for me, a copy for my beta, and a copy for the artist who made the cover for me. Perfect! But I ended up not using that coupon, because the site required I set a profit margin, and did not have an option to make it private. Ummm, no thanks. Not worth the risk. And even though the profit margin could be set as low as ten cents, I did not want to make ANY money from my fic, because I know that would be breaking Fair Use rules. I found Lulu instead, and decided to let other people get copies too, because I'm nice. And if I don't, it's not like I can stop them from doing it themselves, no matter how much I'd rather they not do that.

But that's not good enough for the Reporting Trolls. Their argument is that it's not possible for it to be completely profit free, since Lulu makes a profit on the printing costs and the shipping carriers make a profit off the shipping costs. Someone is making a profit, and that's unacceptable, even if that someone is not Me, The Person Who Made The Printing and Shipping Worth Paying For.

I would like anyone who thinks that to delete your accounts where you read fanfiction. AO3, Wattpad, FFNet, LJ, Dreamwidth, hell even Tumblr for the short ficlet stuff that only gets posted here. Because even if the website it self isn't profiting, (AO3 for example), the companies that sold them their server hardware made a profit. Since utilities are privatized, the electric company that runs those servers are making a profit. IF YOU PRINT IT ON YOUR PRINTER AND PUT IT IN A 3 RING BINDER, the paper, printer, and ink manufacturers made a profit from your dinky little print out. The companies that build all the parts for your computer or your smartphone made a profit on your portal to the internet, who profits from your monthly subscription, just like your electric company profits from the power it takes to run your pc or charge your phone battery. IT'S A SLIPPERY FUCKING SLOPE, AND YOU NEED TO LEARN WHEN TO BACK AWAY FROM THE LEDGE.

We live in a Capitalist Hellscape, and if a company could figure out how to charge you to breathe and for every single beat of your heart, they'd fucking do it. So get off your goddamn high horses with this "wELL SoMEonE iS makINg PrOFit" bullshit. Or if you truly believe that, shut off every account you own, turn off your utilities, and go live in the woods and make up your own goddamn stories, which you can only share orally to the local wildlife. They give kudos by biting you and giving you rabies.

(not to mention; these assholes don't go after fanartists who are ABSOLUTELY making a profit off their work. but noooo, Flirty can't format a fic for print and allow other people to pay for the printing service and shipping, while never seeing a penny of that herself, despite all of the GODDAMN WORK I HAVE PUT INTO IT, WRITING IT IN THE FIRST PLACE INCLUDED FUCK YOU VERY MUCH. fuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufucky--)

[rookthorne]

𝗿𝗼𝗼𝗸𝘁𝗵𝗼𝗿𝗻𝗲’𝘀 𝗯𝗶𝗿𝘁𝗵𝗱𝗮𝘆 𝗰𝗲𝗹𝗲𝗯𝗿𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻!

the big day is here, my loves!

I am so excited to celebrate with all of you, and I have the perfect way to do so.

for my birthday I want to give back to the community that has given me so much; a sense of freedom, my creativity, my recovery, my motivation, and most importantly - the closest friends that I am beyond lucky to have from all over the world, or right next door.

just a massive promotional event where we can talk and share our favourites.

so, let’s begin!

the celebration will last 2ish weeks:

6th of August - 23rd of August

during this time, my ask box will be open (anon and named) to any and all of the following for the marvel fandom:

your favourite fics

your favourite blogs / writers / content creators (including graphics, gifs, videos, etc)

this is so you can gush about your favourite fics, authors, people, just really anything that you love as a reader or as a writer, or a creator.

you can also use it as a self promotion opportunity!

my personal favourite is of course Bucky! but I love Steve, Sam, Yelena, Wanda, and Carol fics too! I am also a huge Stucky shipper. bonus points if you send in any of those. 😉

this is not limited to tumblr - send in for wattpad and ao3 too!

I want you to tell me all about them, I wanna hear it all, I wanna know what makes you happy.

during the celebration I will be adding all of the suggestions to this post under the hype banner.

MINIGAMES

the traditional FMKiss, would you rather, send me a kink to rate, or this alternative to FMK! you can even ask me my opinion on literally anything Marvel.

All Marvel characters + Seb & Chris characters.

REQUESTS

I will take limited requests for the following;

oneshots / drabbles

headcanons

moodboards (make sure to tell me the aesthetic, era of the character, and colours you want)

Pick from these prompts, or send in your own;

Domestic Fluff | Fluff | Idiots in Love | Intimacy | I love you

you can also ask me to write in an established universe (Biker, Street Racer, Outlaw, Zombie), or request a new AU! otherwise I would take it as a modern!AU.

I only write for Bucky & Steve at this stage, but keep in mind you gotta give me a prompt or an idea! I will also put [CLOSED] once I’ve hit the limit! I will decline/delete any request that makes me uncomfortable - to avoid that I’ve done my best to pick the prompts I’m mostly comfortable with.

keep in mind if you send me a prompt and it’s not completed for this event, I will still post it when it’s over!

CLICK HERE FOR EVENT MASTERLIST

with all that being said, I cannot wait to celebrate and share all of the recommendations.

I am sending love to each and every single damn one of you. you have all been a part of my journey, whether your role has been small or big, you all mean so much to me.

thank you. 💗

Account Recs

@treatbuckywkisses and her moodboards • sent in by @itistimeforusalltodecidewhoweare!

Dreaming In June by @captainsimagines • sent in by @natbarnes1917!

series + completed

Alive for centuries, you’ve navigated this world in all its singularities, all its multitudes. You’ve avoided, intercepted, and learned the meaning of loss. At the request of an old friend who now happens to be the new Captain America, you move to a place that only vaguely feels peaceful, to secretly protect his best friend. There you meet Bucky Barnes, your next door neighbor, who has also lived countless lives, seen a lot of things, and lost the one he loved. You have more in common than you thought.

The Last Name by @demonpoxballad • sent in by @writing-for-marvel!

series + completed

There's one more name from the past bouncing around Bucky's head. One more scribble ripped from the pages of Steve's old book. Another person to make amends with. Except this one is different: he can't remember doing anything wrong. No murdering or enabling of evil plans. No threats or political conquests. In fact, Bucky can't remember much of her at all.

Requiem by @motsdouxdejanie • sent in by @writing-for-marvel!

oneshot

A fairy without her wings and a captain without his crew - two misfits manage to find each other in the cruel dark world that is Neverland.

where do we go from here by @barnesafterglow • sent in by @itistimeforusalltodecidewhoweare!

twoshot

when you agree to be bucky's date for his sister's wedding - and his fake girlfriend for the weekend - you're expecting a good time with your best friend. but things may never go back to normal

lane lines by sparkagrace on ao3 • sent in by @buckyismybicycle!

series + completed

Steve Rogers has spent his entire life swimming and now is poised to take the Wakanda 2024 Olympics by storm. The only thing he’s missing is a friendly rival to help get him there. Enter Bucky Barnes, who doesn’t seem to take the sport quite as seriously despite his raw and enviable talent. Steve hates him. Bucky doesn’t care. That makes Steve hate him more.

Author Recs

@howdoyousleep3’s Masterlist • sent in by @navybrat817!

literal Stucky heaven with the ever perfect daddy kink, need I say more?

@christywantspizza’s Masterlist • sent in by @navybrat817!

I am dying at the selection for Bucky here and EVEN MORE STUCKY 🤤

headers by me

dividers by @silkholland + @firefly-graphics

no pressure tags to some of my mutuals 💗 @thenhewaswrongaboutme @writing-for-marvel @buckyismybicycle @dilemmaontwolegs @marvel-3407 @woolfhoundsss @foreverindreamlandd @itistimeforusalltodecidewhoweare @natbarnes1917

[no1islost]

Absolutely no one asked for this, but I’m lying in bed bored instead of sleeping lol.

Ten Fun Tumblr Facts

1. Username Meaning:

No1IsLost came from the song No One Is Lost by Stars. I was super into them when this blog was created, and I still really like them. Give the song a listen to if you wanna feel like dancing!

AbsoluteGarbage also came from music. Growing up as a 90’s kid I listened to the band Garbage a lot. Absolute Garbage is the name of one of their albums.

2. Are you new or a Tumblr veteran?

😅. This blog in particular dates back to at least 2012, but I’ve had a tumblr since about 2010 or so. (I had a blogger before that haha!) 12 years, baby! 👵🏼 LOL This makes me sound old. I’m still considered a young adult, I swear!

4. Do you have any other Tumblrs?

…Yes. I actually have two others. One of them I only use when I’m really going through it and need a place to just write through my thoughts. The other one is fairly new and I use to post creative writing. I do like to write, though I’m not a fic writer. (I actually used to be casually YEARS ago back on ff.net. Those days are long gone thank goodness lol super cringe stuff). Now, I like to find creative writing prompts and write short stories. I’m not revealing the names of those two blogs though, sorry! 😅.

5. What are you currently listening to?

Do You Want Me Now by The Beths

6. What is the theme of your Tumblr?

Well, right now it currently is a big fat love letter to Natasha Romanoff, but it wasn’t always so Marvel focused. I like to reblog different video games and shows I’m into. Yes, this blog did go through a Glee phase at one point. We don’t talk about that lol. Cats and other animals, things that make me laugh, and art are some of the other things I reblog a lot.

7. How many followers do you have/how many do you follow?

Honestly, I don’t even know. This year I did a purge/clean up for accounts I follow/who follow me. A lot of my friends stopped using their accounts a while back, so I deleted them oop LOL But I really love the few new mutuals I have made since then!

8. A message for your followers?

My DMs and ask box are always open! Say hi anytime!

9. Favorite blog you follow?

Ah, y’all know who you are!! I have a handful! 🥰

10. Favorite thing about your Tumblr?

It’s literally a collection of my favorite things. It’s fun to scroll back when I need something to cheer me up. It’s also fun to see how my interests have changed throughout the years.

[toriwakes]

Pretty Boy 187 [s.r x reader]

summary: reader finds out that her new found tumblr crush is none other than her coworker.

content warnings: she/her!reader, mentions of alcohol

a/n: hi!! i’m so happy to be posting again. i’m really proud of this, so i hope you all like it! as always, let me know if you have any requests!

convincing spencer to get tumblr was tough. not only did he hate technology, he didn’t like social media either.

“it’s gonna be fun! c’mon, please?” you’ve been bugging him about it for about a week. “spencer, please just download it. if i have to hear (y/n) whine again i’m gonna loose it.” said derek, plopping is papers on his desk. “you like it when i whine.” you teased, causing derek to flash you a toothy grin. “alright! jeez.” you clapped of joy and jumped to help spencer, but he stopped you. “no way, i’m not letting you follow me.” he kept his phone facing away from you, your arms dropping to your sides in defeat. “fine. i’ll find your account somehow.” “we’ll see about that.”

♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥

over the next few weeks you acquired a few new followers, only one catching your eye. ‘prettyboy187’ followed you on a quiet friday afternoon. the username caught your attention at first, but when you checked is profile? that’s when you were hooked. half of his pictures were just aesthetically pleasing: outside of his window, his extreme sugary coffee, some books. but others...

it was an excerpt of a poem and his hand was holding back the pages. you doubt he meant to capture it so beautifully. just his hand was godly. you wasted no time dming him.

hey :)

how desperate did you look right now? he followed you barley an hour ago. you cant stop staring at that picture.

hello

he didn’t sound happy. well, he didn’t “sound” anything, you guys were texting. but you could feel his tone through the screen. where you overthinking this too much? you shuffled into your bed, wrapping yourself in the covers as you pondered what to say next.

i just wanted to tell you i really like your account. are you a photographer or something?

no, i’m not. my friend convinced me to get this app and i noticed people post aesthetically pleasing photos on here, so i’m just doing the same haha.

ok, well you don’t post nice pictures. at least, not that type. maybe you’d post a picture of the snow or your bed, but every now and then you’d bless the feed with a picture of you in a swimsuit. it was more for opinions on the suit than anything else.

ohh. maybe i should start doing that.

how do you mean?

oh.

that sounded like a very judge-y ‘oh’. your eyes scanned your own profile to see what he could’ve hated. there was you in your favorite red swimsuit, a picture of your computer with netflix on the screen. the rest of the posts were of the same type, so you couldn’t pinpoint what the problem was.

what is it?

no, nothing. your recent picture. that’s a nice swim suit.

oh. that’s what he meant. you practically threw your phone across the room and squealed. thank the universe that he didn’t dislike you already. you shot him another text. just like that, you had your first ever tumblr crush.

♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥

“what’s up with you pretty girl?” derek asked when you walked into work. you supposed you still had the blush on your face when pretty boy wished you a good morning and day at work. “nothing!” you said, obviously it being something. as if on cue, spencer walked in behind you also giddy. “what, you’re both sweet on someone now?” when neither of you responded, derek laughed. “what?” emily inquired, taking her seat. “spencer and (y/n) both have a crush.” emily’s jaw dropped. “spencer has a crush?” everyone broke into laughter, jj overhearing and almost dropping her files. “why is that so surprising?” spencer defended himself, derek giving him a ‘you know the answer to that’ look. “well?what’re their names?” he pushed. you bit your tongue. you didn’t even know his name. yikes. “let’s start.” aaron called. saved by hotch. thank goodness. “this ain’t over.” derek warned the two of you. yes it was. by the end of the day morgan would’ve forgotten all about this.

♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥

you were right like always. morgan didn’t ask anymore about it, instead offering to get drinks. you turned it down, desperate to get home and text your boy. and you did, only at 11pm.

hey, sorry it’s so late. had a long day at work.

no worries, so did i. listen, i have a question.

this boy only sent messages that would make your heart drop. with a pacing heart, you texted back.

yes?

his ‘online’ button flashes on. then he was typing. then he was deleting. it seemed like hours before he responded.

what’s your name?

godamnit. you didnt have a display name because you didn’t want anyone you knew finding your account. what’s a fake name you can use? maybe...

lila.

why did you pick spencer’s ex’s name? you don’t know. you remember being insanely jealous of her because she got to kiss spencer in the pool while you were posted outside. your crush on spencer was still very much alive, but not as much as it was with pretty boy.

that’s a pretty name.

thanks. now you have to tell me yours ;)

you’ve never been so nervous for a text conversation in your life. for some reason, the back of your head wondered what it would be like if you were texting spencer. it was just a thought, though. spencer would never say half of this stuff.

call me morgan.

oh NO. please no... you stalked his profile again, terrified that you’ve been flirting with your coworker this past month. alas, your eye caught another body picture- this time of his arm. no tattoos like derek. not to mention he was much smaller. not that that’s a bad thing. you don’t think you’d ever be able to handle derek...

♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥

you arrived at work yet again with a blushing face. “come on, you can’t keep hiding this from me! tell me something at least!” derek whined. “okay! his name is morgan. and i know what you’re thinking, and no, it’s not you, my boy is much more attractive.” derek’s mouth formed into an ‘O’ shape in fake offense. “that’s damn near impossible. ain’t nobody prettier than derek morgan.” spencer walked in now, again with a dorky smile on his face. “spencer. (y/n)’s got a crush on-“ you jumped to cover his mouth, the sound of your crush’s name muffled. “what- hey! no fair! derek gets to know but i cant?” spencer whined. derek held his hands up and sat back down, not wanting to get you mad. smart. “three can’t keep a secret.” was all you said before sitting down to clean your workspace.

♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥

the new highlight of your day was texting morgan. you learned several things about him; he has a job he can’t specify for personal reasons, he really wants a dog but he feels like animals hate him. you told him about your cat joel, and how they could absolutely love him. he appreciated that.

if i tell you something, do you promise not to freak out?

depends. are you about to tell me you’re a serial killer?

no!

you giggled to yourself at your humor.

i wanna meet you.

you promised not to freak out, but you were freaking out. it was just now setting in that you didn’t know this man at all. where he lived, how old he was, even what he looked like. you took a few deep breaths and asked a question.

where do you live?

quantico virginia.

no hesitation on that one. he lived in the same town as you? you didn’t know how you’d be able to turn this down...

shit, me too. let’s meet up then.

i’ll send you a good place to get drinks.

♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥

“every time you walk in here, you’re blushing. now so are your ears.” you beamed at derek, sitting at your desk before spilling. “i’m gonna meet him.” “wait what? are you sure that’s safe?” you rolled your eyes. “i’m an fbi agent. i’m not scared of a little danger.” you playfully winked and derek blew out a huff of air. “if anything happens, you know you can call me.” you pouted at your friend and nodded, appreciating his concern. spencer was spinning in his seat. “you happy too?” you asked. he only nodded and didn’t elaborate. you we’re going to press on, but hotch called you all in and you lost your chance.

♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥

on rare occasions, the bau got tough cases with very happy endings. this was one of those cases. the plane ride home was extremely joyous and derek offered to get drinks again. this time, everyone accepted (all except hotch). you texted morgan telling him you were going out tonight and you wouldn’t be back till late. you laughed to yourself. it was like he was your boyfriend.

♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥

the night was young and you were fairly tipsy. ok that’s generous, you were drunk. you were spending most of your time with penelope and it took you a minute to remember spencer. “ohmygosh! spence!” he was startled at your presence but he gave you that flat mouthed smile of his. “how are you! you’re my favorite scorpio.” you nodded as you said it, as if trying to convince him it was true. “thanks? i’m good. you’re drunk.” he pointed out. “no shit. hey!!! you never showed me your tumblr user! you gotta show me that girl you like, bet you she’s really sexy.” you didn’t even know what you were saying at this point, whipping out your phone and snapping a picture with spencer. “what are you doing?” he asked, watching you type. “posting this on tumblr! i want everyone to know you’re my favorite in the world.” he wanted to ask favorite what, but a ping on his phone distracted him. lila posted. he smiled and checked her page.

holy fuck.

♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥

“(y/n)?” he asked, not looking away from his phone. “yess?” you responded. “what’s your tumblr?” what is your tumblr? “uhhh..i don’t know, check.” you tossed him your open phone, and his eyes only grew wider. “you’re lila?” the words rang through your ears like a siren. “what?” the word was breathy, you couldn’t add stability to what you said. spencer showed you his phone, ‘prettyboy187’ on the screen. “you’re morgan?” still no confidence in your voice whatsoever. your feelings were supposed to change, you weren’t supposed to like that morgan was spencer. but they didn’t. you didn’t even think about the fact he saw your swimsuit photos. you loved that morgan was spencer, and you still wanted to see him on the weekend. “are you mad?” you asked, not being able to stop yourself from sipping from your glass. “no. should i be?” you smiled. “no. do you still wanna meet up this weekend?” “yes. but i don’t wanna get drinks.” he wasn’t even drinking, why is he complaining. “where should we go then?” “my house.”

[arcadialedger]

Please note that I am most likely leaving this platform. I am done being abused. But first? We need to have a discussion. A discussion about hate and bullying in fandom.

All online-- I encourage you to read my story below. Reblog and spread awareness. The Dragon Prince fandom especially -- I implore you read my words, every single one of them. The short of it is that I am done. 

This all began with losing and being blocked by a friend because I shared something they disagreed with. I don’t care what you feel about my initial reaction to this (which I’ll explain below) -- I’ve apologized for not handling the situation correctly. But I will not be shamed for speaking my mind and standing up for myself.

Because no human being deserves to go through what I have endured since last summer.

Following the “callout” post made about me by one of, if not the largest blogs in this fandom, I received hundreds of threats, harassment messages, and death threats. Messages and posts telling me to kill myself were also prominent, on a multiple times a week basis for awhile.

Messages from people who were well aware I have struggled with being suicidal. Due to one of their favorite Dragon Prince blogs speaking out against me, they thought it was okay to suicide bait me.

And it worked. I already struggle with hating myself, am already insecure, and being flooded with these comments which, while I made mistakes, did nothing to deserve, drove me to try and take my own life after years of progress in my mental health.  

Mind you, this is like a 200 follower to 4k follower power dynamic. Which yes, plays a role-- because when you have a large following and influence, you have power. Yet the person behind this had the gall to claim Tumblr clout isn’t real.

People blocking and condemning others instantly at your word? Is power. If people read your words and are influenced, or have their minds changed, or buy or don’t buy something, etc.-- you are an influencer. You have power. And when you’re one of the largest blogs in a fandom, you have a LOT of power.

So take responsibility. 

I was hurt because I lost a friend who I had chatted with for months, did a podcast with, and was generally not only one of my favorite blogs but the center of my experience in the Dragon Prince. I may not have been perfect in my words, but when I was asked why I was quiet/ inactive, I explained how I was hurting, anonymously. I was understandably in pain and upset. I had been cut off for just having a different opinion on a matter, for thinking differently. Even though it was within their rights to block and do so, it felt wrong and it weighed on me.

Is that such a crime?

The callout post and previously described abuse followed, lasting for months until later in the year (this began in June, or around then). It also included screenshots of tweets, when this user does not have Tumblr, and they have stated to have screenshots stored up on their computer of my various posts and interactions. This is creepy behavior, and freaked me out. I felt like I was being stalked, “evidence” being filed away for the very purpose of being used against me. 

I eventually talked things out with the blog per recommendation of my therapist, and thought all would be fine. For a little while, it was. I largely stayed off of Tumblr to heal. Once in awhile I would have a rough, tearful night because something reminded me of what I lost, but I would make it through. Overall, I was making progress.

Then? My Twitter got hacked by one of the people sending me hate. For what had turned out to be much. And after they tweeted some purposefully incriminating and bigoted things to make me look bad, I came home from a weekend in the mountains to a shitstorm.

Twitter has a love hate relationship for me and I barely opened the app unless actively chatting with a friend. So when I saw 700+ notifications, I was surprised. It had never happened before.

I began to scroll through, and when I saw what had happened, I ran to the bathroom and threw up.

I had lost over half of my followers and a solid 60% of previous Twitter mutuals had blocked me. But worst of all, I had hundreds of hate tweets directed at me replying to the hackers tweets. Messages had been sent in DMs and accounts blocked, followed, and unfollowed as well.

If you have never felt that loss of agency-- that sickening feeling of words you never said next to your profile-- be glad. Because it is traumatic. I value my words. I value what I have to say. And having that taken from me was worse than anything I had been through here on Tumblr, outside of the suicide baiting (the most direct attack to me and my emotions/ insecurities throughout this entire ordeal). Further, this hacker had clearly stalked my tweets based on some of their comments. 

Hundreds of tweets bashing me, calling me aphobic slurs (knowing I am asexual mind you, as it was in my bio), making fun of my appearance and targeting all of the insecurities which lead to my first suicide attempt in high school, and taking/ editing images of my face and mocking them. This all culminated in a doxing threat-- a doxing threat which made me feel unsafe on a campus I had already been sexually assaulted on. I was once again, after starting the healing process, thrusted back into the darkest time of my life and spiraled into anxiety and depression. I cried a lot overwhelmed by it all, had difficulty sleeping, and felt sick. I started fall semester and couldn’t concentrate on school. I was a mess.

I had once again been condemned, this time for something I had no part in. I tried to example what happened but nobody listened. I had been hung without trial. People were understandably confused, and my entire reputation on the platform, and my page, became a mess of lies, misunderstandings, and more.

If you don’t know the feeling of already hating yourself and being insecure, and having these beliefs reinforced and spread by hundreds publicly across the internet? Of already feeling lonely and unwanted and having the one space you thought you had taken from you? Consider yourself lucky. 

I had a lot of voice actors and creators following me-- accounts I interacted and greatly cherished my mutual with. A handful of them unfollowed, understandably. This online hate mob was sending messages to people demanding they unfollow me, including some of these creators. They had no idea what to make of this mess or what was real and true and just didn’t want to deal with it. Most of the others just stopped interacting with me. @aaronwaltke (tagging so those who don’t follow already click and do so, because he is absolutely fantastic-- he’s a writer for ToA)  who had followed me on the platform, graciously wished me peace with the entire situation after I checked to make sure he had not been subjected to messages or hate, either from my hacker or other accounts. His was the greatest compassion I got on Twitter, before I ultimately ended up just having to delete.

I lost podcast deals because of this with Adrian Petriw, Aaron Ehasz, and Justin Richmond. I do not blame them one bit and would have done the same in the confusion not wanting to get dragged into anything. 

Only to have one of the friends I lost who helped start this interview these very people on their own podcasts. A slap in the face. A zine I had bought to support them came to my door, with the front page proclaiming to “spread a narrative of love.”

I was never granted that chance. That compassion. I had the vultures sent after me with no mercy. And anyone who has been through online abuse and systemic harassment knows just how much it feels like they’re slowly but surely picking at your flesh ( a metaphor I used in one of my old, since deleted posts discussing the situation, and still find accurate), wearing you down until you have no strength left.

Make no mistake, my story is not a one off situation. Many share the same tale of abuse and being driven off of platforms that once gave them great joy. These attacks are coordinated, systemic, and common hobby for these people-- who largely claim to be loving and accepting of all. They are a cyberbullying phenomenon which has risen with the presence of fandom on the internet. And I want to make clear, with current discussions of “cancel culture”, I mean nothing political in that statement. Some might call my experience cancel culture, but I don’t.

It’s just bullying. It’s just hate. These people get off on ruining people’s lives.

And my life was greatly set back and ruined. I had a stain on my past in fandom I could never be rid of. I had to shut down my podcast, took time off of all social media, and most of what I had built, most of my growth, was taken from me while those who incited and/ or spread hate thrived and continued to grow and find success. That was the greatest sting of all. 

I asked the one previous friend who hadn’t blocked me, but had just stopped interacting with me (which I understood and respected, and also greatly respected her perspective, help, and support though this situation in which she largely unfortunately ended up in the middle) for help after explaining everything, and got nothing. They didn’t seem to care, and just blocked me on all platforms. Once in awhile, I would find I was cut off from yet another old friend, or a blog that I had never interacted with before but clicked into, interested. It hurt being cut off, unable to fully interact with the fandom, but I could move on.

That pain would never go away, but I made clear I did not blame them for the actions of those who abused, harassed, and threatened me. I also made it clear they did not owe me anything, including unblocking. 

I just wanted to move on peacefully, but those with the power to enable that did not wish to help. I slowly, when I felt ready, began to be more active on Tumblr again, and once again the hate started up. 

Sometimes when I was hurting, I expressed my pain and loss to my followers just to reach out, because I was sad. I had no idea how to rebuild from all that had happened. This got me more hate an accusations of emotional manipulation and gaslighting. I had no idea what to do, and got trapped in a cycle of needing to talk about it, and getting hate and backlash, but not knowing where else I could turn. 

My doxer came back into my asks, ultimately making me switch schools, and refueled the drama. Speaking up about this got me more backlash-- mostly accounts reblogging (one with tags saying “fuck you”, despite not knowing the full story, and commenting and then blocking me so I could do nothing to respond or get it off of my page. I deleted all posts of the matter, as requested by these people (who validly pointed out they were in the main fandom tags, which I hadn’t thought of and understood), and hoped to move on.

But it hasn’t stopped. I have been beaten down and emotionally bruised for months. I have had my life and safety threatened, my education and by extension life path altered, and lost work (podcast) opportunities due to this-- alongside the irreversible emotional damage from trauma and abuse. My mental health issues and insecurities-- which I have been very open about to destigmatize the subjects and encourage conversation-- were actively targeted to inflict the most pain possible. 

And I can’t even talk about it, without enduring more hate and accusations of “playing the victim”.

Death threats, suicide baiting, doxing, months of bullying and harassment to the most vile degree, which a lot of these people don’t know about because they don’t even bother to read my words. Yet I’m playing the victim. 

And the accusations of bigotry and being hateful hurt, because it couldn’t be further from what is in my heart. I believing in love and acceptance of all. I don’t know how many are religious here, but I found God after my first suicide attempt and that is what his word has taught me. 

I’ve been through too much in life to tolerate this, for lack of a more eloquent term, bullshit. I know what abuse and victim blaming looks like when I see it. And in my 20 years of life, I have gone through too much: constant ridicule and bullying, suicide attempts, sexual assault, major spinal surgery, to just be stomped over and not stand up for my right to basis human decency. 

I refuse to put up with this, so unless I get an apology and some semblance of justice for everything I have been through, I am leaving. I will not participate in a space run by hate and toxicity. I will never claim to be perfect, and I have apologized for my mistakes and wrongdoings. Now, hold those who did this accountable. If you’re reading this you know very well who it was, and I am not naming them for those who don’t. Because at the end of the day I still send nothing but love and wish no ill will towards them.

But I’ll be damned if I don’t expect accountability of one of the greatest influencers in the fandom for their complacency in abuse, threats, suicide baiting, and and absolute ruining of my life and online experience. They enabled this and were well aware they had the power to stop it-- to ask their followers to stop-- and did nothing. They didn’t care-- about a human’s life and well being. 

@dragonprinceofficial, are you aware that this is what many of the fans of your show, which preaches love and an end to the cycle of vengeance, do to others? That this is happening in your space? If you stand at all by the values you preach, condemn it. @staffTumblr/ @supportTumblr-- shame on you for allowing this abuse to happen and ignoring my reports. Shame on you for permitting these people to operate in your platform and for being okay with hosting hate. People have been driven to suicide on your website-- I am one of the lucky ones. 

If you care at all about humanity and stand against this behavior, reblog and spread awareness. Share my story so I may not happen to anyone else. Tag @dragonprinceofficial until they notice and speak out. 

This is my story, and so many others. Make sure it doesn’t happen ever again. No human being deserves to be treated how I was. Everyone deserves compassion, decency, and respect. And everyone deserves a place in fandom. Do better. If you want to reach out to me DMs are open, as well as my email, which is attached to my account. Until this change happens and I am given the support/ help needed to safely function on this platform, this blog will not be active outside of that. 

Thank you all of the many accounts who have supported me, and I am working on getting back to all who have reached out! Your love means the world. You know who you are, and I don’t want to tag in case people come after you for showing me kindness. I am sorry if this is goodbye, to all that have enjoyed my blog. I enjoyed it for a long time  too. I loved sharing my passion for stories, culture, having a space where I could analyze and discuss my favorite things.  I loved getting to share what I had to offer with the world, having fun and posting jokes with my unique sense of humor. I loved interacting with intelligent people/ fellow fans and discussing my favorite stories, offering each other new insights and growing together. I loved the many, many kind and wonderful people who reached out to me in a variety of ways and provided support and friendship.

In the end, it just isn’t worth all of this pain and trauma, and I know when to put my foot down. I don’t want pity, I don’t want apologizes, and I’m not a martyr. I just want my story to make a difference-- to spur positive change in fandom culture/ spaces.  I will be tagging all fandoms in which I have seen this kind of abuse present as well, to reach as many as possible. 

Be safe, and be kind.

- The Arcadia Ledger/ Ryn/ Katie, signing off.