#i thought abt my emotional response and figured out how to communicate that as best i can | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

troglobite · 3 months ago

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question for my irl friends is this

did you grow up w ppl pretending to be your friend as a joke, or fake asking you out (or alternatively, being The Only One to NOT be asked out, making it a spectacle w an audience), or ppl taking advantage of you for their own gain, often by means of making you think they liked you?

were the majority of your friends randos from other actual friend groups who thought you were funny or useful or entertaining, and so, bc you had no other recognizable Group to hang out with, they basically took pity on you?

did you stop getting invited to parties after the age at which inviting everyone in class became obsolete?

were you called, a million times by a million different ppl in a million different circumstances, annoying? not in subtext, not through guesswork or anxiety brain. literally, to your face, called annoying by so many people, including friends. at all stages of your life. regardless of what personality and behavioral changes were made to try and STOP being annoying.

bc basically if not that really explains why everyone ignores basically everything i say, and no one wants to talk to me unless i 1. can be a charity case 2. am providing something for them that they like.

yes, this includes even when i ask them how they're doing or what's up, or specifically bring up something that they enjoy and expressed interest in discussing.

the charity case thing comes out HARD when i mention being the only one in the discord. or being alone. and wanting to hang out w my friends. or being disabled and sad. or when i express any emotion for which the correct and desired response is comfort.

there's just a lot of incongruity between 'you're the best dm! and a great friend! you're great and we love you!' and fucking radio silence and being ignored for weeks on end.

like i am. going Through It. and no one has offered to check in. and i stopped complaining/seeking comfort bc no one wanted to provide it.

and i haven't checked in on anyone directly because i have told them i don't do that because i know they're busy. and also bc trying to do so in the past yielded basically no results and made me apparently even more annoying. i have communicated this more than once, that i deliberately don't check in directly on purpose bc i know they're busy. and the discord is THERE FOR THEM TO USE, TOO. even when i'm using it regularly, i'm not in it CONSTANTLY. and when they DO use it, i respond!!!

so i check in in other ways, by bringing up interesting or important or funny things, or things that i think specific ppl will find funny or interesting.

still. nothing.

and every time i mention this during the rare fucking moments that we actually hang out on zoom, it's just a chorus shouting me down of how it's not intentional or personal.

okay. sure. thanks.

now can we get to the part where we collaboratively figure out how to make sure i DON'T feel like RANCID SHIT bc you guys are modeling the EXACT behaviors of my 'friends' and bullies throughout my entire fucking life?

or how abt when we're hanging out for the sake of my mental health--which they encouraged, which i asked for, and they obliged--i basically end up third wheeling it. nobody talking to me. nobody playing games w me. they're just playing bg3 with each other, not including me, and talking not consistently loud enough for the mic to pick up, and abt shit and ppl i've never heard of and trying to catch me up is just annoying. like a hang out that was supposed to make me feel better just makes me feel infinitely worse.

or how in any hang out ppl basically just never want to let me experience a breadth of emotions, or share abt my life, or any of that shit. i ask abt theirs and express genuine interest bc i do genuinely care. and i listen to conversations go on around me, sometimes with me. but somehow when talking i just fuck up and am annoying and my life isn't interesting and if i talk abt it i'm just sad and annoying and sucking up all the air in the room.

idfk man. everybody has their own issues and trauma but every time we talk abt childhood stuff in school i'm the only one who's met w like. Sad Silence. i'm the only one w nothing to share bc i can't/don't relate bc my childhood was just being bullied. constantly.

and somehow the ones who experienced some negativity had groups of cool or fun friends and they got through it that way.

i couldn't bc my friends were also the bullies. idk man it's 4 am i'm sad and tired and my hand still isn't fully healed and i should stop typing.

idr why i started thinking abt this. but something just. reminded me. anyway.

i guess i'm just tired of it being 'that's just an anxious thought that's irrational :)'

when it's like. no. my literal FRIENDS throughout my ENTIRE LIFE have told me TO MY FACE repeatedly that I AM ANNOYING. i have been ostracized or punished or ignored or mocked or gaslit. i was bullied basically my entire childhood and past that, it was pity and self-defense that kept me with any semblance of friends.

even to ppl who hsould've been or said they were my closest friends, i am. just not that important ultimately.

i'm tired of not being a priority in anybody's life. i matter so little. and i'm so tired and so jaded and so TIRED. SO FUCKING TIRED. that i don't WANT to start over. i don't WANT to try and make new friends i'm TIRED.

making friends is literally a SOURCE OF FUCKING TRAUMA. straight up i remember my first day in fucking preschool vividly bc i'm so inherently bad at making friends. and it just set the tone for the rest of my life.

so i don't want to. i've tried many different ways to be friends. i've spent a lot of energy. and right now i feel insane and evil and selfish and cruel for being like.

i just want to prioritize myself.

bc it feels like maybe that's all i've done my entire fucking life. and i;m just a narcissistic (dsm not involved, just a descriptor/adj) piece of shit whos self-pitying and unselfaware and refuses to change.

but it FEELS like ive tried changing a lot over the course of my life.

idk. im just at a stage in my life where i want friends and relationships. but the daily upkeep is a lot. i want casual conversations and check ins. not huge obligations. i want to work up to that. bc the thought of someone depending on me feels awful and like too much. like id run away from it.

but i want friends.

and i guess. i guess i DO sort of try to maintain friendships in my own way and it just. doesnt matter. bc they dont try to maintain them with ME. they just. assume/know/take for granted that i'll be there. bc of course i will. im lonely and desperate.

and the last time i tried setting boundaries and asking for support in specific ways, it blew up in my face and i ended up losing all my friends.

and now im just stuck. taking care of health stuff. being sad and miserable. doing work. playing catch up. i dont have the time energy or physical ability to gameplan. or have a complete dialogue w the player who blew things up for me at the dnd table.

im exhausted. im literally freshly traumatized (recently discovered when i had a literal autonomic nervous system trauma reaction). im tired. and id just like support.

but asking for it directly got me nothing. asking indirectly got me nothing. so im just. not even trying anymore.

and it feels awful to say that its a test for them to see if they even notice or care that im not present in the discord or talking to any of them anymore. but like. it is part of it. its secondary to the main part which is that:

it feels awful, like gut-wrenchingly fucking awful to be sharing bits abt your life, sharing things you love and WANT to share, sharing things to entice others into convo, sending things bc they made you think of them, and to receive fucking silence in return.

or the occasional pity reply.

and when even those pity replies taper off and stop? like fuck, man.

'they're busy and have things going on!'

i know. that's the problem. everything else, for every single one of those ppl, ranks higher in priority than me. including other relationships. i dont get to be on par with any of that.

meanwhile in terms of friendships, they are my TOP priority.

but its not reciprocated.

so at some point its like. why would i keep following the annoying as fuck advice abt like 'dont stop reaching out, theyll be glad you did!'

bc its clearly just not true for me and any of my irl friends. and never has been and never will be.

its not even bc of covid, ive just. never been anyones serious priority. or a treasured friendship. and when i have, like ONCE, it fizzled out bc of other ppl who ended up being more important.

and i dont mean this in a 'i have to be the only person in your life' way

you can have MULTIPLE priorities, all of differing levels and grouped in different ways

but being grouped in the same way but not receiving the same priority or care. like. thats what sucks.

and then like. specifically this one friendship im thinking abt, i was there for her through SO MUCH SHIT. i worked my ass off to make sure i was threading the needle on being supportive and not pushing her. and i wanted her safe and happy.

and ultimately it was for nought bc abusive relationships are like that

bc to be told 'i want you to share more with me and be vulnerable with me' and then

i do it. i literally did it.

and like. on the one hand, maybe she needed practice. but on the other hand.

if you do this with your other friends, why are you SO UNCOMFORTABLE with me being vulnerable? why are you SO INCAPABLE of LISTENING to me and understanding what im saying and where im coming from? and offering ANY support?

and like fuck that, man, ive literally MODELED for you like 'waht do you need/what would you like from me?' type shit so just ASK ME

and then to now be trying to set up a zoom hangout session and for her to keep putting it off and saying shes busy and she cant and blah blah blah

im tired. im tired of being taken for granted. of not being a priority. of not mattering.

of also--not being privy to anyones lives! to do so, i have to PULL TEETH to get answers/replies from them, or i have to find out abt it second or third hand in a group hangout session.

im tired of being the one to reach out. to check in. to try and have convos. to ask for support. to set up hang out times and games. of being the only one doing like WORK for this dnd campaign. of having to manage all this shit.

im tired of not mattering. of being so low on the list of priorities.

im tired of trying a million things to try and fix myself and my behavior--both in unhealthy and supposedly really healthy ways.

and still running up against the same shit. idk what to do anymore. and im tired. im tired of trying. of putting myself out there. i dont want to. im tired and im scared and i have every fucking right to be.

and i dont want ppl to tell me but i HAVE to if i dont want to be lonely anymore.

ive tried all your fucking suggestions and nothing seems to work longterm.

the only times i ever hate myself? it's not when im alone w myself. i can be alone w myself. i can admit my good and my bad. i can recognize my insecurities.

but when i hate myself? its when im a direct inconvenience and annoyance to ppl who say they care abt me. its when i feel or observe that i am making the lives of these ppl i care abt, harder and worse.

i dont need to work on self love or self compassion. ive done that. thats not the problem.

i am traumatized and people WONT STOP FUCKING RE-TRAUMATIZING ME.

at what point do i just get to throw my hands up and say THIS IS YOUR FUCKING PROBLEM, NOW. IVE DONE MY WORK. I'LL KEEP DOING MY WORK. BUT FUCKING CHRIST ALIVE WHY CANT YOU ACT LIKE YOU EVEN LIKE ME AT ALL???

i just think it would be impossible for anyone to be me and not come out thinking 'jfc there is something fundamentally wrong w me that everybody can pick up on and HATES, and idk how to find it and fix it despite trying for 30 years'

i make mistakes. i know theyre mistakes. im working on mending mistakes without shame. like im not a perfect and enlgihtened individual, im just working on things.

but i cant work on my own shit and magically live in a world where ppl dont fucking hate me. or use me. or ignore me. or find me deeply annoying.

idk i guess its late and im spiraling and im just tired. im fucking tired. ive been inside and alone and these past like 9, 10 days without being able to properly use my hand, so i couldnt work or do chores or game plan or talk to ppl at lenght like. idk. i guess it made everything worse.

im not even currently sobbing or melting down. im just tired.

and i guarantee my stupid fucking hand is gonna be SO fucked up tomorrow. not even using my pinky to type. but it hurts.

whatever.

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sincelastsession · 5 months ago

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BTW I'll probably be ok the nonverbal shutdown doesn't last forever but it's really hard to communicate verbally when I'm overloaded.

My dad needs to have ptsd and cptsd explained and what it does to people and how crippling it gets plus my other diagnosis and that they are real and valid and I do actually need accommodation and to be met at least halfway. Like he's a control freak about me.

It SCARES me.

This session he scheduled is important though. I'm stubborn and I want to give him a chance. Probably one more chance too many but I'd like to be on good terms before he drops dead from health issues or his mental illnesses kill him.

I am worried I'll have a reactive abuse or snappy response to him. I'd like to work on that.

I feel he thinks I'm not holding myself accountable for my behaviors as a 37yrold adult.

I'm still treated and spoken to like a child.

He has no respect for me.

He absolutely will be fake with you like a salesman and watch him flip moods if you correct him even gently.

My Aunts told my mom he's been angry and reactive his whole life.

My dead psychiatrist who used to treat him said he was bipolar probably with a personality disorder and possibly would develop violent dementia and it makes me sad.

It's hard to help people that have beat you down and punished you for being autonomous. The micromanagement is insane.

He does cherry pick. I'd definitely not bring up the DSM book with him and how you treat symptoms. He think I'm schizophrenic or something and my diagnosis actually need to be validated in this instance because I need him to take me seriously when I put up boundaries and he tries to bulldoze them.

He's of the mindset that he deserves respect because he pays for things and is my elder.

I'm of the mindset that he's abused the fuck out of me and I've never gotten respect unless I was playing by his rules.

He does think I'm trying to control him in a paranoid way.

Please remind me to play you the audio or email the clips before sessions with mom and dad.

Off topic: Worried abt my partner, I feel my stress is kicking his ass. He told me I was fine. He had a question for me today and was all horny which I was not mad abt but I had to deal with crazy people

Anyway idfk what else to say.

I'm tired.

Maybe I'll write more after I smoke out for the pain I'll be in tomorrow from being tense as fuck.

I wish I could have my emotional support burger now. 🍔 I'll see it on Thursday before I meet with you.

Dunno if I should eat before dad session.

I mean I'm stressed out about it and I don't know if you're questioning if it's a good idea or not but if I don't have a session with him and don't figure out some way to communicate to where it's not abusive then nothing is going to really get better because he's still basically in control of my financial shit.

Also his apology was basically the best apology and narcissist could possibly give and it's not really even a true apology and I'm really bothered by it and I don't even know if an apology with words would fix anything.

The fact that he made a session with you and is showing up means something to me but I'm also so scared that it's going to go bad. I'll be bringing my extra anxiety med that day for after.

I am worried I'll disassociate during session to protect myself and keep myself from reacting to the lies.

I literally thought about finding the dog training clicker I have to bring and click to give you a signal that I may need to excuse myself to keep composure or just let you know if it's absolute bullshit.

You're in charge with the parents. I wouldn't know where to start if you left it up to me.

I don't want to not do the hard sessions and work.

Speaking of work I flat out told my mom I was about to say "fuck it" and do like onlyfans or something because there's a market for all body types and random fetishes. I could be a findom or sell my used underwear or whatever the fuck. There's tons of legit sites. I've gone back and forth about it. If I make enough money then I could just escape. I do wish I was more an ethical slut. I don't like the gross feels that my flesh prison gives me but other people are keen on it. Maybe I'd hate being stick in it less.

Lucy who is my ex roommate...her dad died. He was just like mine but an alcoholic. Dad acts like a dry drunk.

Lucy used to encourage me to do nude modeling like she did for painters because she thought the artists would appreciate my body so I could see it wasn't terrible in art form.

Because it's really weird I look at other people and their bodies and features mostly like I look at art I don't really often sexualize people As much as I guess you're normal average person

I mean yes of course I've passed by people and been like oh God damn they're fine but more in my head it's like oh God damn their fine is in their fine art

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linkspooky · 4 years ago

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idk if ur taking asks abt jjk but i was curious on ur thoughts abt gojo i haven’t rlly heard this around but i’ve been thinking abt the fact that gojo desire to basically indoctrinate children to fit his ideal sorcerer society is a bit strange and i saw this on your meta on how the schools only see these kids as tools but doesn’t gojo do the same idk my thoughts are everywhere and i get that gojo was raised in this system so it’s normalised in his eyes but idk gojo’s ideology is lowkey fucked imo and i was curious what u thought

I think Gojo is a product of the same society that raises up kids to be used as tools, and he unintentionally passes that lesson onto his students.Gojo knows that the system is wrong for using kids that way, but he’s such a fundamental part of the system, he doesn’t really know how to overcome it works inside of it instead. I think what he said to Megumi is pretty telling of how he treats these kids in general, he tells him you better get strong or else you’ll get left behind.” He thinks he’s teaching them what’s best, because that’s how Gojo understands the world works, but at the same time he’s telling a five year old kid if he fails to protect his sister it’s all his fault.

Gojo teaches his students to “get stronger, get stronger” as a response for all of their problems. He takes responsibility for their development as sorcerers, but nothing else really, and especially not their well-being as individuals. Gojo basically treats his students like mini-adults, friends he can pal around with, and that makes sense if you think about it, he’s raising them all to be political allies. He’s not really trying to raise a bunch of healthy adults. I think Gojo genuinely does care for these kids and stick out his neck to protect them, and his goal is entirely an altruistic one to prevent the childhoods of other children from getting destroyed like his did. However, Gojo is fatally a selfish person just like Geto is fatally selfless, he doesn’t offer help out of the goodness of his heart, he barters. He always expects something in return from these children.

So, on one level I believe Gojo yes is intentionally using these children. He only extends help when he gets something in return from them, his helps is always conditional on the fact that he’ll gain another ally. However, at the same time I think the problem more lies in the fact that Gojo doesn’t see individual people as individuals, and therefore doesn’t want to pay attention to the indivdual emotions of his students that he ends up using his students this way. He thinks it’s fine. This is how he was used growing up, but this time, Gojo is using them for good ends instead of a bad one.

I think Gojo’s inability to take care of their needs as individuals, especially attending to their emotional needs is why Tokyo Students are so strong indivudally, but weak as a group. Gojo’s only interesting in fostering their strength as sorcerers, not their emotional health, or their interpersonal relationships, because he doesn’t view those things as necessary. I mean he’s only had one best friend his whole life, and look at him, he’s fine.

To give evidence to my argument though, here’s a comparison between the Tokyo Kids and the Kyoto Kids.

1. Tokyo vs Kyoto

Gojo can be a fantastic teacher when he wants to be, but it requires him paying attention to a student’s individual needs, which he almost never does. When he designs a lesson plan raound Yuji, he does two things that make him better than most Jujutsu Sorcerers already. First, most traditional teachers teach that cursed technique is everything, and would have rejected Yuji outright. Whereas Gojo sees Yuji’s strength as a brawler. He’s willing to go outside the box, and buck tradition to focus on a student’s individual strength and emphasize those rather than telling Yuji he’ll never be a strong sorcerer without strong techniques. The second is he comes up with a method extremely suited to Yuji’s learning style.

However, I think it’s important to note that Yuji and Gojo are actually really similiar. He’s a really receptive student who hangs off of Gojo’s every word. For Gojo it’s like him teaching a younger version of himself, someone who believes that strength is everything, and wants to become the strongeste to be a pillar of support to others. You don’t really get good teacher points for spending the most time with someone who’s easy to teach.

And even with Yuji whose really really receptive to Gojo’s highly individual focused learning style, there are several things that Gojo just neglects to teach or even mention. Basic, fundamental things, that every sorcerer should know.

Nanami has to go out of his way to give Yuji the 101, because Gojo neglected to tell him all the basics. Children are smart of course, especially adolescents who are capable of thinking for themselves, but they also generally know what they’ve been taught up to this point. Yuji is a complete newcomer to the sorcerery world, it makes sense he’d basically be a blank slate having to learn all of this from scratch, but Gojo himself either doesn’t know this, or doesn’t bother with it because it’s too troublesome. He thinks of the kids as miniature adults so, it would make sense that he just assumes they know everything he knows already.

That’s the entire point of introducing Nanami into the story. Gojo teaches Yuji to be a better sorcerer, but not to be an adult, and it’s because he doesn’t really see him as a child to begin with. Gojo thinks becoming a strong sorcerer is the way to teach these kids to be good adults, but he neglects the emotional half of having to teach because Gojo doesn’t deal with emotions well. I mean, even in his training of Yuji, he designs a training method where Gojo doesn’t actually have to be there, and present with him most of the time. He can lock him in a room, and go run off to do Gojo things while Yuji teaches himself. As opposed to a mentor like Nanami who constantly watches and monitors his development.

This is where we start to get to the comparison with the Kyoto students. Because even in the creaive way Gojo taught Yuji, there were some things that Yuji just learned wrong, and internalized wrong from Gojo’s lesson.

Gojo explained the theory behind Yuji’s divergent fist, but Yuji learned it wrong, because he didn’t understand the way cursed energy flowed through the body. If Gojo was paying attention, he would have caught it and corrected it, but Gojo’s teaching style is sink or swim, let students learn or fall entirely on their own. Whereas, when Todo actually sees Yuji’s flawed divertgent fist, he’s able to point out the problem.

Todo actually acknowledges that there’s a difference between beginners and elite sorcerers, that their’s a learning curve to these things, and rather than leaving Yuji to learn it on his own he guides him through these things. While at the same time, expecting Yuji to figure out some things naturally. Todo never once goes easy on Yuji, I’d say his standards for people are as harsh as Gojo’s. You either learn it or you don’t. You’re either strong or you’re not. However, there’s a distinct difference between Todo and Gojo’s teaching styles, and it’s that Todo is emotionally intelligent, and Gojo is not.

Todo pays attention to people, he notices when they’re off, when they’re going through something, and rather than just ignore it, he almost immediately addresses it and tries to talk them thorugh it. It’s not perfect of course, but having his emotions paid attention to, helps Yuji develop as a person moreso than a sorcerer.

The Kyoto students have a teacher who pays attention to their individual needs. A teacher who actually teaches. While we may not know much about Utahime as a character yet, you can see the direct impact she has on her students compared to Gojo.

Gojo’s students are individually strong, but weak as a team,. Utahime’s students are much weaker individually, but can come together.

It shows both in the Kyoto Battle Event, but also the Shibuya arc. The Kyoto kids are all unstable it’s true, they’re all prone to lashing out, but because they’ve dealt with such dark emotions rather than repressing them they’re also way more capable of talking about their feelings to others.

Yes, the Kyoto kids don’t deserve to lash out at whoever they want. Yes, lashing out is a bad way to attempt communication. However, it’s also true that the Tokyo kids respond with what basically amounts to self-righteousness. The Kyoto kids are lashing out because they are going through something, because they’re suffering, yet the Tokyo kids don’t really try to understand those feelings.

Kamo was seperated from his mother at a young age. Maki left Mai behind in an abusive household. Nobara has never experienced the same abuse that Mai has so she’s not really in a position to judge which twin she thinks is the good twin, and which is the bad one. Mechamaru is chronically ill and in constant agony, and then instead of getting him medical help he’s just being used as a toy soldier.

So. The problem is. Gojo’s style of teaching. He wants these kids to be political allies. He wants them to try to make a better world than the one he experienced growing up. However, Gojo doesn’t really teach them to think for themselves. He doesn’t teach them to look at the situation, and the way the Jujutsu World is designed to manipulate and use these children.

Individual responsibiltiy is a good lesson to teach. Individual responssibility can help someone get over themselves and their issues and work towards self improvement, but it’s also, not the only solution. It’s also, impossible to overcome these circumstances all on their own.

Mai can’t be strong like Maki. She’s not weak for folding under the pressure of being in an abusive household. You could even argue that Maki isn’t stronger than her abuse, because emotionally she’s weak, she can’t even maintain a relationship with her own sister she has to cut herself off from everyone.

Kamo has to follow the clan’s orders, he’s terrified they’ll hurt his mother and he’ll never see her again. She’s actively being used as a tool to manipulate them.

Mechamaru is already strong as a sorcerer, that’s not going to stop the fact that he’s chronically ill.

Basically, in this regard Gojo’s students repeat what Gojo himself always says. “Have you tried getting stronger?” We can see why this approach doesn’t work with Kokichi, because he did do what Gojo would always reccomend. He didn’t want to burden others with his emotions so he tried to be strong and solve everything on his own, and that resulted in his death.

Think if Mechamaru had been supported. If he thought it was okay to confide his problems with others, if it was okay for him to be weak, and ask for help when he didn’t know what to do on his own.

However, when he tried to do that with panda he just got slapped with a “Your behavior is wrong.” It’s why even when telling people, especially children their behavior is wrong you also need to be sure to take care of their emotional needs as well. Especially teenagers, because teenagers are literally all emotions, they’re not minitature, fully-developed adults. Kokichi was wrong to lash out, but his emotions were right. He has every right to be in pain. When he’s told off, he also takes that as a message that he’s weak for trying to confide anything in others, that him complaining about his victimhood made him weak in the first place, so what does Kokichi do. He retreates into himself, he quiets down about his problems, he tries to solve everything on his own and he fails at doing that because you can’t. You cannot solve all your problems by simply being stronger than them.

Gojo’s students aren’t raised as emotionally healthy individuals, and because of that they also can’t really relate to the emotions of other people, especially the negative one. They are, strong willed individuals yes, strong sorcerers, yes, but they’re not really a team.

I think that’s illustrated in how they all fall apart in Shibuya. All of Gojo’s students basically make the same mistake, they don’t listen to the adults, they charge into battle because “I’m strong enough.”

Nobara, the adults literally all told you not to fight. Nobara: Nah it’s fine I’m strong.

Look at how Nobara loses. The second she starts fighting with Yuji as a team, she makes a sloppy mistake because she 1) underestimated her opponent and 2) was never taught how to fight in a team.

It’s not just Nobara though it’s every single one of them.

Yuji runs off on his own, fights on his own, and loses to Choso. Megumi suicide attacks to take down one (1) opponent whose just a regular curse user when he reaches his limit.

This is what they are all taught. They all have to fight on their own, be strong on their own, and if they’re strong enough they’ll win, if they’re not strong enough oh well. The Tokyo Kids genuinely like each other as a team but they’re always running away from each other. They all overestimate themselves and what they’re capable of handling and get in over their heads.

And it does go back to the Kyoto Battle arc, because the Tokyo kids are just as emotionally disturbed as the Kyoto kids, they just are repressed about it. Take Megumi for example, Megumi has been abandoned and neglected all of his life, and Gojo never really offered him any support or healing for that abandonment.

There’s no canon indication that Gojo ever raised Megumi or did anything with him other than provide for housing, and protect him from the Zenin clan on the condition that Megumi STILL BECOME A SORCERER, JUST ONE POLITICALLY ALLIGNED FOR HIM AND NOT THE ZENIN.

He didn’t offer Megumi a chance at a normal life, or even help him grow up as an individual because Gojo’s not interested in these things. Gojo’s help is conditional on the fact that Megumi work hard to pay him back, and reach his full potential as a sorcerer. As a result, Megumi is walking around with completely unaddressed abandonment issues as a result of never having a stable adult in his life, and this goes, completely unnoticed, which leads to him constantly risking his own life, endangering and harming himself. Megumi’s just as unstable as the Kyoto kids, he’s going to do something dangerous someday soon. It’s just Megumi’s been taught from a young age, he has to be the responsible one in his household, and he has to take responsibility for everything on his own by working to become stronger, and look like where that has led him.

Hmm, I wonder why Megumi always feels like it’s his responsibility to sacrifice, what could have possibly led him ot that conclusion? Why does he feel so responsible for the actions of other people around him? It’s a geuine mystery.

However, the Kyoto kids are capable of doing something the Tokyo kids can’t do. They can cry and be weak in front of other people. They can support each other as a group. Not only did they help Miwa at her lowest point, but Yuji would have given up, had Todo not shown up when he did.

Yuji actually wasn’t capable of handling it all on his own. He couldn’t defeat Mahito just by being stronger than him, or having a strong will.

Individualism like Gojo teaches is important, but it’s also incomplete. It’s only half the solution. The Tokyo kids need the camraderie of the Kyoto kids, the same way the Kyoto kids need to learn to take responsibility for themselves.

That’s why the Shibuya arc ends the way it does. The Tokyo kids failing as individuals, and the Kyoto kids coming together as team. However, since both sides only have half the answer, neither side is able to defeat Kamo Sr. totally.

However, Gojo’s mistakes are shown even more clearly after the arc resolves. Gojo doesn’t actually teach people to think for themselves, because he’s raising them up to follow his politics. Now, look at what his students are doing in his absence. Gojo wants to fix the broken world, but Yuji’s conclusion he comes too after suffering is that he doesn’t want to think about fixing the world. He just wants to become another cog in the machine.

What was the greatest mistake the previous generation made?

Geto. Not only in exposing him to the trauma of Riko dying in front of him. But also, offering him no support a year afterwards. Yaga completely neglecting him and failing to see what was going wrong. Then, when Geto finally did break, sending another student to kill him.

Yaga really can’t understand why this eighteen year old would hestiate to kill this other eighteen year old, that’s been his best and only friend for three years. Why is this child not comfortable with an execution mission? It baffles the mind.

Gojo, by failing to raise his students as emotionally healthy individuals repeats the same mistake.

Yuta and Yuji both don’t really care about the world around them, or politics. They don’t pay attention to those things, they weren’t raised to do that. However, now because of that, because both are willing to become cogs in the machine they’re both letting themselves beused right now.

They refused to think for themselves, so now the elders are manipulating them into a conflict against each other. Yuta because he doesn’t see the situation at large, he only wants to protect his friends. Yuji, because the only way he thinks he has value is by killing curses, he’s just going to keep blindly executing them until Yuta comes to kill him. Gojo’s students are divided specially because of that reason. They’re not together as a group, they’re just a group of particularly strong individuals, and Gojo never even thought that these strong individuals with no particular connection to each other might turn against each other. They might lie to each other. They might keep secrets from each other. They might fail to communicate. Because, Gojo doesn’t really pay attention to complex relaitonships like that. He’s only had his one friend his whole life.

Even though that’s also exactly what happened to his one and only friend, his emotional needs were neglected by the system around him until he completely fell apart. Geto and Gojo’s problem wasn’t that they weren’t “the strongest” when they were together. It’s that they were never “together” again after a certain point.

#Anonymous #gojo satoru #suguru geto #okkotsu yuta #itadori yuji #metasks #jjk meta

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shhhlikeme · 4 years ago

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hello!! i really loved your hq writing and i think they were pretty spot on! do u mind writing abt a reader who’s basically a first year version of kiyoko (like everyone is attracted to her) and all the first years are just into her but come to find out she’s been dating yamaguchi all this time ? jealous yams maybe? sorry if it’s too specific🥺👉🏼👈🏼

Yamaguchi Tadashi x Really Sexy Yoga Instructor S/O

———————————

A/N: Thank you so much anon! You’re speaking my language with this request😍

It sounds a lot like the first ever request I got here, so this can be seen as a part two, or read as a stand alone. I hope you like it!!!

Not NSFW, but please only read if you’re over 18 y/o.

———————————

Yams, your beloved boyfriend of a few months will be the first to admit that he made a mistake volunteering you to help his volleyball team

About a month ago, Coach Ukai felt as though the team was way too pent up and ordered his players to indulge in some calming activities on one of the no-practice days with the goal of making the team less irritable

The coach found that Yoga would be a great solution

Coach Ukai had read that the benefits of Yoga include but are not limited to: increased flexibility, increased muscle strength and tone, improved respiration, more energy and vitality, maintenance of a balanced metabolism, improved athletic performance, protection from injury, overall relaxation and stress relief.

Ukai thought that yoga was a no-brainer because if Karasuno was going to win the National tournament, then they had to adopt unconventional means in order to get an edge on the competition

Unfortunately, Takeda, the volleyball club’s advisor, couldn’t exactly find the budget to get the entire team signed up for weekly yoga sessions at the big studio downtown

Aw man :(

But fear not! smh

Your boyfriend to the team’s rescue! Great 😑

Thank goodness for your sweet baby 👍🏾 not

He’s just too caring for his own good isn’t he? You wish he’d stop

Because he..... well, lucky for Karasuno, your boyfriend Yamaguchi happily suggested that the team goes to the Karasuno High School’s Yoga Club sessions at the local community centre. The community centre hosts great swim, cooking, and even archery lessons! It would be perfect because it would be within budget and the 7am yoga sessions were always empty, because not many people knew about them.

“How do you know they’re legit? I don’t want my players getting hurt because some kids think it’s fun to twist n’ contort their bodies —“ Inquired coach Ukai. The entire team turned to Tadashi, awaiting his response.

Your annoying sweet man explained that all of the Yoga club members are certified by Japanese Health Standards and they are well-versed in their instructing, it was kind of the point of the club. He was sure the club would love the volleyball team’s company

Your boyfriends’ coach’s face lit up. When Ukai’s next question pertained to how tf Tadashi knew all of this, that’s finally when his face fell

Oops.

He’s so cute He wanted to help so badly he forgot that this could be a bad idea

How did he know all this? Well, maybe because his girlfriend of 3 months, you, run the damn club. And he knows everything about you because he’s whipped.

However, Tadashi couldn’t exactly tell them that was the reason because he is very private and didn’t want to introduce his beautiful girlfriend to guys that were sure to drool over her

Plus he wanted to make sure you weren’t in a daze when he confessed to you, testing whether one day you’ll wake up & realize you made a big mistake

Yamaguchi, quick on his feet, just said that you were his friend and you ran the club.

They believed it obviously, and that’s how it all started

Since there were multiple morning Yoga sessions, Coach Ukai divided the team into years for mandatory session attendance. The first years were scheduled for Monday’s at 7am, the second years on Wednesday’s (same time) and the 3rd years were on Fridays (same time).

You were late to your first session with the boys because even though Yams told you the team would start coming (and to keep your relationship a secret) you were used to being the only one here doing Yoga

You were only slightly startled when you opened the door to your beloved studio and saw Karasuno volleyball’s first years: Tsukishima, Kageyama, Hinata and your beautiful man Yams sitting down on Yoga mats patiently.

You cheerily introduced yourself and greet everyone, finding yourself happy to have the company

Yamaguchi was the only one to verbally greet you back, because the other boys were staring at you with what you would deem odd expressions

Yams noticed his solo greeting too and looked over to his teammates. He frowned because he knew the look on their faces and the lack of a voice very well.

How could he not? It was the same reaction he had when he saw you for the first time he was sure you came out of his wet dreams

You are so hot, and now his fellow first years were noticing

Yams pouted inside

Anyway, the same way you didn’t notice when Yamaguchi had that stare when you two met, you just got straight to business, setting down your pink yoga mat and water bottle and explaining all the rules.

It’s a good thing yoga sessions are supposed to be silent with only the sounds of the rain forest playing loud through the rooms speakers because I don’t think the boys could have spoken anyway

You did basic yoga stretches and had the boys follow your every movement

As you showed them the simple beginner poses, Tadashi caught Hinata and Kageyama sneaking glances at your figure with heavy blushes on their faces

If Tsukki thought you were attractive, which omfg did he ever, he didn’t show it in the slightest

Yamaguchi was happy to call him his best friend

The quick-attack boys could not say the same

Like the schoolboys they are, they relished in seeing a gorgeous female’s flexible body easily contort in front of them

Tadashi noted that, for two of the most intensely competitive people he knew, the two were peculiarly a little TOO happy with not doing any of the yoga poses correctly, he could guess why

You, still clueless, walked around the room to help the boys get into correct positioning platonically, the way every Yoga instructor does.

Tadashi on the other hand, was doing so well and you badly wished you could kiss him whenever you moved his body but you were respecting his wishes to keep you two a secret

Kags and Shōyō almost had internal panic attacks when you touched them or got close

They weren’t the greatest with girls but they were especially bad when one of the prettiest and fittest girls they’ve ever encountered was touching them and whispering in their ears to ‘turn like this’ ‘open up a bit more’ because of how quiet yoga should be

The combustion train has left the building! Choo choo 💨

You laughed when volleyball duo boys started shoving each other when Hinata fell out of a pose and landed on Kags

Tadashi’s eyes narrowed because he selfishly didn’t want you laughing at anything those boys did. Nevertheless, he shook it off

Maybe it will get better once the initial shock of your hotness wears off, Yams thought to himself when he left Yoga that morning.

Sure, because that’s how it worked with Kiyoko right?

Yeah, right. The following Monday you were still hot and the boys were still drooling over you.

At real volleyball practices and at lunch time Yamaguchi has to constantly hear the team (minus Tsukishima) gush about how attractive you are and how it wasn’t so bad waking up early in the morning if you were the view they were getting up to see

Now, Tadashi would definitely describe himself as a pretty calm guy......as would anyone who knows him......

But hearing his friends gush about you like you weren’t the smartest, most creative, genuine, conscientious person...... just an ideal body and gorgeous face not that they would know evoked jealous emotions deep within him

On dates with you he would inquire about the other volleyball yoga sessions you taught and you would tell him truthfully that your class of 3rd years were always fine, well behaved and very quiet because they were too busy fantasizing about you in their heads to talk dkm

and then you told your boyfriend that 2 of the second years were pretty flirty take a wild guess who? But that the one boy named Ennoshita got them to simmer down and then stop with the comments completely

Tadashi made a mental note to do a favour for his future captain

He was beginning to get irritated with the way these strong amazing athletes that he looked up to were reduced to goo when his girlfriend came around

He knew it was irrational to be so upset because he was sure they would chill out if they knew she was his girlfriend but

He just wasn’t ready for that yet.

So he endured the comments because even though the team was full of hormonone-crazy males, they never were vulgar or disrespectful in their remarks that was saved for all of their dreams and shower time

Either way,

None of that could stop the locker room talk.

“Did Y/N teach you guys the puppy dog stretch too this week?” Chirped Nishinoya as he bounced on the balls of his feet. The boys nodded. “Man is she s-m-o-k-i-n-g or what?? Don’t you think so, Asahi?”

Yams looked over from his locker to see the quiet and timid Ace of the team unable to help sporting a blush and nodding in agreement to Nishinoya.

Tadashi did NOT like this conversation. He took to chugging his water in order to distract himself from saying something he was sure to regret

“I-I really like Y/N’s yoga pants. They’re really cool!”

Kageyama rolled his eyes at Hinata's comment. “Of course you do, Boke.”

“Keep dreaming short stack!” Hollered Tanaka as he hopped in a super man pose on top of a bench. “For I will one day marry Y/N!”

Uncontrollably, Yamaguchi’s entire liquid contents in his mouth drenched Sugawara’s back in a spit take. Everyone laughed.

Let’s just say Karasuno’s vice captain made Yams do laps until his legs felt like they would fall off

By the third week, poor Yamaguchi had it up to HERE with the team’s pining after his girl.... be it Daichi’s subtle suggestion to the coach to extend AND increase the amount of yoga sessions, to Nishinoya’s memorization of the exact colour of your lip gloss per session

Yams actually growled under his breath when he heard both I swear to God

Yamaguchi felt like he was going to burst if he didn’t wring any necks first .

The entire team was smitten with his secret girlfriend and it made him insanely jealous. He couldn’t deny it anymore.

You were his. And only his. He wished he never volunteered you to help the team in the first place!

On your dates as a couple, you noticed that Yams was much more tense than he used to be before you started instructing the team. You told him over and over that you would quit this very second because he was so much more important than some silly club. You even suggested easily swapping with your second-in-command as instructor but

He wouldn’t have any of that. Apparently the team was already improving significantly in skill from Yoga like the Coach predicted. You are the best instructor your club had, and his team needed the best.

Plus he knows you love doing it and he puts your happiness before his own

The situation just sucked!

On the final yoga session before nationals, you arranged for the entire team to conjoin in one single morning session that would be longer at two hours instead of one, to go through everything they have learned in a mass session. It was also to make sure the numbers were even because today would be strictly focused on Partner Yoga!

The crows filed in to your studio, excited to see you and set up as usual

You walked in and told them about the partner yoga, and before they could volunteer to be your partner and upset your boyfriend, you told everyone you already had a partner and gestured toward the studio entryway:

Kiyoko walked in with a wave at her introduction and she spread her yoga mat next to you facing the class

They said 😳😳😳😳🤯🤯🤯🤯

The entire room was silent. Everyone minus Tsukki and your boyfriend combusted. Like they were done

Remember that combustion train? Yeah it just arrived at its destination: Nosebleed Central.

The boys’ little minds couldn’t fathom two extremely hot girls in compromising, stretchy positions that would look anything but innocent in their male minds

It was kind of a dream come true

You didn’t care that they were acting weird and you started the session, telling the boys to pair up and follow yours and Kiyoko’s lead

Even Yams started to feel hot and bothered at the sight of the multiple positions

he always felt horny watching you instruct yoga but he was able to satiate his lust by reminding himself that you told him you want to sleep with him when he was ready, even though you were taking it slow. he’s always blushing so none of the guys ever thought anything if it

Satiating himself with that thought again, though, flew out the window as an option because you just looked too incredibly hot in partner positions. It got to the point where he wanted to kick Kiyoko out so you could practice these yoga positions with him

He wanted to be the one to put your leg on his shoulder as he pounded into your heat, not Kiyoko no matter how hottttttttt it was to look at

Suga used his fingers to flick Tadashi on the forehead to get his attention away from his secret girlfriend and back to the yoga positions he should be trying with him

“Dude.... trust me, I know, and I agree...” Suga nods in understanding as he glances over at the beautiful girls once more. It takes a good amount of effort for him to peel his eyes back to Yamaguchi. “But we have to do this. Try to pretend they’re not as hot as they are.” He gives your bf a thumbs up for encouragement

Yams didn’t smile back even though he commenced yoga again like his vice captain requested. Yams just wanted all of this to be over so he could somehow sneak you into one of the abandoned rooms in this community centre and take you right there.

Since Kiyoko was only there to demonstrate the positions and not join the class because she had other commitments, she had to leave pretty early

You went around helping everyone like you usually did, and now you definitely noticed how red all the boys’ cheeks were. Yams couldn’t even look at you the entire time he did yoga with Suga and you started to wonder if you did something wrong. Hm.....

Yams couldn’t look at you because he was using every ounce of his restraint to keep from jumping your bones

Before long, Y/N’s final yoga session was nearing completion until you realized that you had forgotten to demonstrate the final pose when Kiyoko was here.

Glancing at your boyfriend who was giving you the cold shoulder, you timidly asked if anyone minded being your partner to demonstrate—

Like zoo animals, all of the boys volunteered!!! You yelped because of how loud they got in the quiet room in a split second.

Does it matter who you choose?

Yamaguchi felt himself boil over in jealousy. These boys were throwing themselves at the woman who means everything to him, and that was enough to drive any man to the brink of insanity.

While the boys bickered about who would be your partner Hinata and Nishi already started the Rock Paper Scissors tournament, including the usually collected captains, Tadashi briskly made his way towards you with purpose. Without even thinking about it he cupped your face with one of his hands and tilted your lips towards his for a deep kiss.

You felt your knees weaken at the intensity of the unexpected kiss from the love of your life.

Yams wrapped an arm around your waist to hold you steady when he felt your knees weaken.

You two barely heard the collective gasp in the room...

...Nor did you hear Tsukki mutter a flat “I knew it.”

When you finally pulled away from your boyfriends perfect lips, you were still drunk off the kiss while he remembered where you two were

With an aura of manly confidence that could only come from the overwhelming satisfaction of giving into the animalistic urge to claim your mate in front of other males, Yamaguchi turned to his team. Shoulders back and confident, he smiled smugly

“Did I forget to tell you all that Y/N is my girlfriend? I’d appreciate if all the endless comments about how beautiful she is would cease to exist, at least around me. She’s very much taken. Oh, and I, ONLY I....will be her partner. Thanks.”

Ok can you imagine how fucking sexy shy Yams would look being strict, intimidating and completely territorial over you? 🤤

Karasuno’s team was stunned into silence before Nishinoya started a slow clap applause like they do in the movies.

Only Tanaka joined in with him. The rest of the team is not that lame

You, on the other hand, got so turned on by your boyfriend display of protection and jealousy that you muttered that class was over and you used your hand to turn Yams attention back to you. You got on the tips of your toes to pull him into another passionate kiss again.

You loved it.

Seeing this side of him stirred up a lot of emotions in you and you couldn’t help but ask your boyfriend if he wanted to skip school today. Your parents weren’t going to be home for 2 days and you had the house to yourself.

With half lidded eyes that only served to turn you on more Yamaguchi agreed.

I hope he knows that he was in for a really long and pleasurable day and night.....you were about to put those years of yoga training to good use, and your boyfriend couldn’t be luckier.

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steponmepinkjun · 3 years ago

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I NEVER FINISHED MY STORY OMG. ok so i left off at being too proud to tell my friend she was right and kpop fucked hard. the difference between u and me is that i’m too good of a liar. too good. i kept up the “i hate kpop it’s cringe” facade for ALMOST TWO WHOLE YEARS, I SHIT YOU NOT. why? bc my dumb ass, extra ass, dramatic ass self thought “ok if i’m gonna have to deal with the embarrassment of admitting i’m wrong, i better do it in such an extra ass way it’ll knock ur socks off so hard that YOULL be the one embarrassed not me.” the original plan was to learn the entire choreography to bts dope, bc it’s the song that she told me to listen to and inevitably the song that got me into them, but later switched to bts fire bc i saw too many of those “choreo matches w any song” videos, and then her birthday party came up. and here’s the real kicker. her birthday is April Motherfuckin Fools. so it would be So Perfect for me to reveal my kpopism as a birthday present And a april fools prank in one. so i was Set on the Reveal being on april 1st, but the day rolls around and god that choreo is so fucking hard and i am Not a dancer. never have been. so i abandon that and go ykno what… i’ll do it Next Year. BC MY BITCHASS WAS LIKE NO THE MOMENT IS TOO PERFECT TO DO IT ON A NORMAL ASS DAY ITS GONNA BE ON APRIL FOOLS ON HER GODDAMN BIRTHDAY OR NOT AT ALL. a year rolls by, i’ve told most of our friends except her and they’re all in on it, i’d made so many subtle kpop references to her without her realising they were fully intentional and had too many scares where she almost figured me out but i lied my way out of it, and i’d given up on showing off with choreography bc i couldn’t make that shit look good. i’m not a dancer. i am, however, a rapper, and a damn good one, so i inhaled the agust d mixtape and decided i’d just rap the eminem of kpop’s anthem at her face. in korean. and change the lyrics at the end (if u haven’t listened to agust d, the bridge repeats “i’m sorry” a lot) to “i’m sorry i kept this from u for so long” and “i’m sorry i actually ult got7 not bts” (this was like the april after skz debuted ok i was holding onto got7 for dear life knowing full well skz we’re going to convert me smh) and the best part? she never saw it coming. her official present was a cd with a bunch of kpop on it but she thought it was just a personalised mixtape for her so i told her to play the first song out loud and she knew the song Instantly. it has a long intro so she was like “i guess u did listen when i recommended u this song!! i knew you’d like it since u like rap so much!!” and then i started rapping and i shit u not. she started SCREAMING. like the initial reaction was her jaw dropping and then instinctively covering her mouth but when i kept going and she realised i wasn’t fucking around she just fucking screamed like a banshee. at the end during the sorry bit i threw off my jacket to reveal a got7 shirt on the inside and she fell off her chair and started rolling around on the floor. needless to say it was every bit as satisfying as i thought it’d be LMAOOOO afterwards her ass was like “I CANT BELIEVE U HID THIS FROM ME FOR OVER A YEAR” and when i tried to explain my ego couldn’t take the “i told u so” she was like “you know i wouldn’t have made fun of you for it right? i would just be glad you’re not hating on my boys anymore” so basically i’m a big dramatic fool and she was always too good for me.

don’t mind the weird spaces here my ipad is being all fucky wucky w me rn. damn sad to hear ur sideblog experience didn’t go so well, i’d have shown u the cool side of the fandom if i knew 😤😤 leading u thru the cursed halls of kpop stan tumblr like a sketchy tour guide that’s actually 3 small raccoons stacked on top of each other like a trench coat, like “over here we have the fanfic writers that honestly need to publish a book, over here we have the gif makers that are responsible for my entire camera roll, if we take a quick swerve past the death threat anons and the twt fanwar screenshots - mind ur feet bub the 14 year olds were tryna make a grab for ur ankles - ah here’s the holy grail of shitposts, you might be here for hours, to the right we have the weird aussie side of the fandom that projects our childhoods onto chanlix but also all the members as we decide what their life in australia would’ve been like, and down there is a secret trapdoor to the blogs w endless random headcanons that will make you laugh, cry or blush depending on if the author woke up and decided to choose violence today. enjoy your Stay!” but then again i’m not so active on tumblr anymore (ngl you’ve become the highlight of my tumblr experience these days, interaction wise,) so maybe all my Local Hotspots are inactive now. i know a bunch of them are, it’s sad. “i don’t fw stan twitter for the same reason i don’t hang out in meth dens” oop. guess i’m a meth addict. no but i get u i rly do, it’s a hellhole out there, but the fact that things get shared and spread a lot easier than on tumblr and how short most things have to be (therefor keeping up w my adhd attention span without having to resort to the mental torture that is tiktok, with the added bonus of not always needing headphones.) that i just. couldn’t leave if i tried. maybe i should try being active on tumblr again but it’s a dying site in comparison.

“their music doesn’t consistently hit for me as much as skz” i’m sorry we can’t be friends anymore. what. what. you don’t dramama ramama ramama hey? you don’t feel a little jealousyyyyyy, naega anin? you don’t shoot out, shoot out, shoot out, or aremdaeun love killa love killa? you can’t be your hero du du du du du du du du du dududu? u disappoint me. literally like everyone i know who likes skz music likes mx music like it’s a rite of Passage. they’re kindred spirits, monsta x music is like skz’s music’s cool but mildly heterosexual older brother. neither of them know what a bad song is it runs in the family. and both their music runs in my VEINS. whenever i describe my music taste they’re always the first two that come to mind, skz being my number 1 bc they are my best boys but mx bc of the Flavour. pls listen to the entire the code album then get back to me 😤🙌 ok but fr ur so right they are 7 of the finest men i ever seen (yes i say 7 bc i’m including wonho cause he deserved better and i’ll die on my ot7 bullshit.) like don’t get me started on them either LOL i LITERALLY downloaded that one insta video of changkyun working out his back n arm muscles w his tattoo showing bc i needed that shit saved for Science. they could do Anything w me like frfr. yes vixx is the bdsm contract group i’m telling ya they wildin. or at least they were. it’s been years since their last comeback idk what they’re doing anymore tbh. and yeah that makes sense, savouring the hyperfixation i feel it, but also i’m so attached to skz that i never let it die. like i hyperfixate on other things and other groups but i will Always go back to skz cause they’re my homeboys. hell, they’re my home. being a predebut stay i’ve spent more time w skz than most of my actual family members at this point. but that’s just me you do u boo xx just know that if ur anything like me ur never letting go once skz it’s been my longest lasting fixation cause they hit like Nothing Else Do. ik i’ve already said that but i cannot stress it enough. they’re really special. i’m gonna stop here before i get all sappy and emotional bc i really love those boys so fucking much and i don’t drop the L bomb often. SIDE NOTE I WOULD LIKE TO SEE UR LIST OF GROUPS RANKED BY THORSt. i need to judge ur Taste. and omg cat&dog is such a guilty pleasure song bc the lyrics make me cringe so much bc while pet play can be fun they be doing it in more of an “i’m an innocent soft dogboy uwu” kinda way that just Does Not Sit Right with me. it comes back to the objectifying of asians that asians themselves don’t help in industries like these and maybe i’m looking too far into it when rly it is just wholesome n cute or maybe they are into some pet play shit idk idc i will bop to the song regardless but i will not acknowledge the lyrics nope.

YOURE RIGHT THO SKZ’S OPENNESS IS IN FACT, A BIG DEAL, i’ll grab them for u if u want but i found these twt threads of skz supporting the lgbt community and i just felt a special kind of happiness man like sure the delusional part of me likes going “haha they’re gay” bc my brain likes to imagine them as my polycule of mlm boyfriends bc sometimes thats what gives me the serotonin to get me thru the day ok don’t judge but also bc it’s nice knowing that yes i’ll never know them personally, but at least i can support them knowing they’d respect my gender identity and my pronouns, they’d respect who i choose to love, and that’s already more than the general public can say so shit, it is special! it’s special that they don’t treat being cishet like the norm - they constantly remove gender from their songs and speech entirely, they don’t assume all stays are female anymore, we don’t talk abt the babygirls incident cause we got babystays in the end outta that ok, and it’s just. so refreshing and important to me bc i can’t get that anywhere else!! like my semi ults are the boyz and while i love them very much and there’s no way all 11 of them are straight i refuse, i do get just a little bit sad whenever they she/her their fandom by default and call them their girlfriends n shit even tho i do still identify as a girl, i’m also genderfluid/nonbinary/transmasc, and i have a very love/hate relationship w my womanhood and rarely use she/her pronouns, cause it’s like, do you not see me? see us? the ones who aren’t cishet women? i mean i know kevin does bc he congratulated a fan who came out as nb but it’s just not the same as the openness we get w skz. like how do i trust cishets i could be supporting them as a queer person when in reality they’d call me a slur. what would i know, behind the screen? so it’s so good that skz go the extra mile to make it a safe space for everyone. this is already long enough i will reply to the second half of that ask in another message… tomorrow cause it’s 1am and i’m tired gn -felix bi anon

I'mma have to start putting these under a readmore so that i don't absolutely make everything who is still following me for some reason go totally fucking insane 😂

NDJDHWJJAHFNAKBSJSBFBHHDBDNAJD YOU HAVE NO IDEA THE FACES I WAS MAKING READING THIS, I WAS FUCKING CACKLING AND GASPING EVERY OTHER SENTENCE SO HARD THAT I SCARED THE CATS NDJWHSHSB the fact that you went "oh you want me to get into kpop? Give me a hot minute, and I'll give you a whole ass private concert for free" biduehsjdbd biiiiiiiiiiitch you're a fucking ICON, I stg I could NEVER 😂 (and not just because I couldn't find a tune if you gave me a printed set of Google maps directions and that I embody the steriotype that white people can't dance, like my sister kept sensing me tiktoks of the whole "dance like a white girl" trend going lmfao look it's you and eventually I was like "sis please this trend has me feeling like being white is a disability and these mothafuckers are being ableist 😭 also I could NEVER be that on beat so yall ain't even doin it right 😭😭😭😭"). Tbh if I told one of my friends (lol what friends, i got jokes) to get into Skz and they showed up at my bday and performed the entirety of I Got It I would simply shower them in money and go "aight everyone else go home, you are no longer needed, you are being laid off, your position has been eliminated, we're downsizing, the company is moving up and you're moving out, you are not qualified for this role any longer, best of luck with future endeavors" 😊

I think part of the reason I can't deal w Twitter is the exact reason I refuse to leave tumblr, in that I've been on tumblr since 2006 and twt since 2008, and tumblr literally has not changed at all, not even a little, whereas going from the early days of twt where there were no corporate sponsorships or ads and you had to manually copy and paste someone's tweet and @ them to retweet it, to how it is now, like 90% ads and showing me shit from the timelines of people I don't even fuckin follow n whatnot, it's just not enjoyable. Idk how anyone finds anything on twt, it confuses and frustrates me because I am old and have not adapted well to technology changing 😂 But arguably, the skz fanbase doesn't want me on skztwt anyways so like it works for both of us lmfaooo. I am old and cringey, and also still think of twt as stream of consciousness whereas tumblr is your teenage bedroom where you can decorate the walls with anything that interests you. I do really love the nonsensical kpoptwt shitposts tho fhshsbdjjss like it is a very specific flavor of mental instability that I enjoy immensely 😂 OH and also I initially misread part of that and thought you were saying you actually irl do meth and I was like 😳 WHAT DO I SAY TO THAT. HOW DO I HANDLE THIS. Like how do I express like "I wasn't being judgy of people who use substances cause I've been there but I was just being insensitive 😳" And then went back and reread it and was like WHEW, IM JUST AN ILLITERATE FOOL 😂😂😂😂 ejeywhdhrhjwbfbdjshdhdhd I spent like an hour bwign like "IS THE REASON WE GET ALONG BECAUSE THEY'RE ON METH???? WHAT DO I DO WITH THIS INFORMATION??????" hrhehshe I am literally a fuckin idiot it's fine

It's not that I don't fw them, it's more like... Okay so like there is no situation in which I am going to skip a skz song if it comes on shuffle. You will not ever catch me NOT in the mood to listen to Sunshine, if God's Menu comes on we are THROWIN the meager amount of booty meat I got hither and thither, I could be in the happiest mood of my life but if Ex comes on I will stop to SOB. And I'm not like that with most music, so mx just falls into the category of "there is a time and place." Idk why but it just doesn't forcibly grab hold of my heart and ass the way skz always does. I really don't WANT my skz fixation to ever end, but I know that eventually it'll stop giving me dopamine bevause my brain is my worst fucking enemy 🙃 like my arcana fixation is to date the longest running hyperfixation I've ever had, going on almost three years, and I used to not be able to spend every single second of every day thinking about Asra, but now... I just feel nothing when I look at arcana stuff. As you can probz tell by the fact that I hardly post arcana anymore 😂 So I know that eventually all my happiness will end, it always does, I can never stay just as obsessed with something as I was for long. I CANT SHARE THE LIST BECAUSE I DONT *HAVE* TASTE YET 😭 I'm basically just compiling a list of any group someone tells me I should look into, ranked by how strong the kitty purred upon googling pics of them 😂 My mom read my ass to FILTH over txt lmfao she was like "they're not that adorable. Maybe your standard for adorableness has gone down with You Know Who still on hiatus 🤔" bfjwhdhd like MOMMAAAAA THE LIBRARY IS CLOSED 😂 she attacks me any time I even hint at stanning other groups, she is a skz purist and stans skz only, unofficial Momma Stay of All Stays keeping me in check lmfao.

I feel like skz really do follow thru on their promise that they're a safe space for stays, it's nice to see that they hold space for anyone and everyone in their fanbase and do it in a really simple and elegant way, I feel. Like they never make it seem like "okay here are the fans and here are the token weirdos that were only recognizing to make a buck off of them" the way a lot of artists make it feel like 😑 like they don't go out of their way to act like it's some revolutionary act to do the bare minimum of not shitting on certain parts of the fandom, if that makes sense. They feel very "yeah, of course we love all our stays, this is a welcoming space for literally anyone, that's how it should be, that should be normal," instead of like "Hi fans we love you 😊 and special shoutout to you ell gee bee tee folk, make sure to buy my rainbow merch after the show!!!" you know? Like, they're the friends who would never make you feel weird or different for some shit, the friends that take the attention off you if something they know ur sensitive about comes up, instead of weirdly snapping at whoever brought the unfomfy thing up which ruins the mood and makes you feel tiwce as bad, yk? They just give off this vibe that they, and the space they create with their music, is just a genuine and chill place to be and hang out and relax and bond. I feel like they'd be the friend group that is so goofy and sweet and silly and accepting and lovely and always makes you feel loved and excited to be alive 🥺 They are all good noodles 🥺🥺🥺

#felix-bi-anon #asksteppie

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lividian · 5 years ago

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Wat up, I'm here to bitch about stuff.

A good 90% of my life is straight pain and struggle right now. I spend every day trying to distract myself from how I'm feeling, whether that's through sitting on facebook watching slime videos for hours, doing schoolwork for even more hours, or doing regular things and pretending everything is fine. I try to make myself believe that I'm ok. Not say I'm never going to be ok, but I'm having a hard time dealing with all the shit life is throwing at me; has been throwing at me, for years.

I took off that mask yesterday, and I feel like I've been emotionally flayed. I'm raw and feeling all those little fragments of emotion I was protecting myself from, all at once. I've been in bed for the past 3 hours or so, thinkin about life and what mine is trying to teach me. Writing helps and I'm really open abt my mental health struggles, so I figured I'd pour it all out on here so maybe it could help someone or something.

A lot of my stressors include other people, so for their privacy, I'm going to use aliases.

Have you ever done something completely against your values/beliefs and wondered what underlying causes made you (re)act that way? I try to think about that often bc it tends to give new perspective and shed light on information necessary for changing those behaviors.

I had a tough childhood and now that I'm older, I can see the impact it's had on me for so long. Even things I can barely remember are reflected in my emotional responses and conscious decisions if I pay enough attention. Bc of the trauma and inconsistent relationship I had with my parents, I have varying degrees of trust issues, problems with relationships (platonic, familial, and romantic), and mental illnesses. I've struggled with behavioral problems for a long, long time. At one point, it was thought I had ODD because of the severity of some of my outbreaks.

Fortunately, some of my more unusual symptoms started showing up as early as 7. I had been placed in the custody of close family a couple years before that, who sought professional help when my depression and visual hallucinations first appeared. I was in counseling from that point on and began seeing psychiatrists at the age of 13, all of that lasted until I turned 19 and lost my medicaid.

Shortly after I started experiencing various mental health problems, I went into sort of a "dark age" and I don't remember much, like there's a big blind spot in my memories. There are some memories that survived and I've clung to, because I don't have much left from that time period. It lasted until about when I started taking psychiatric medications. And about that time, I started to experience extreme mood swings which resulted in damn near anything, from self harm and suicide attempts to violent outbursts and severe paranoia and delusions. These only increased in intensity until I was kicked out at the age of 17.

*I was hurt by that for a long time which fueled poor decision after poor decision, but I have forgiven both myself and my family bc all that anger and pain and guilt was doing was holding me back. I appreciate everything my family has done for me and I hold them very dear to my heart, especially in times of hardship.*

That's some back story for ya. A lot has happened since then, and maybe I'll talk about it some other time, but I'd really like to focus on the present.

My biggest source of pain currently is the fact that my daughter, Acacia, is in one state and I'm in another. I miss her terribly and every day I sit and think about how I've failed her. I want to be a source of joy for her, but right now she's hurting because her mother is gone and she doesn't understand why. We facetime, but she tells me that she doesn't like me and she's sad. It breaks my heart that she's dealing with such big emotions and I can't even be there to comfort her. But I'm also very grateful she's surrounded by people who love her and we can talk every day. It's really hard, and I'm usually in a lot of pain after we hang up, but I will always be there for her. I have to be the mother she needs me to be so I'm going to have to make some tough decisions. I'm not going to talk abt this anymore bc it's too much for me right now.

I'm in another state living with my husband, Onyx, and I feel utterly and completely alone. We left bc we were evicted back home and the only place we could go was his parents'. He shut me out a long time ago, but the homesickness is amplifying my feelings of isolation. Due to some of the toxicity in our relationship, I burned many bridges with friends and family, and aside from my 2 best friends (who I rarely talk to anymore) I have no one. Many days I beg Onyx for affection or communication or some semblance that he still loves me, but my efforts are futile. Weve been having the same fight for nearly half a year. I bring up something that's bothering me, and he becomes angry and says "it's always something", in some form or another I try to remind him that we have to work on the issues in our relationship at some point if we want things to get better, this is where he usually gets defensive and says something something along the lines of "I always need 'more or too much'". From that point, I've learned to just be quiet bc our problems are suddenly my fault and he will do everything in his power to deflect and shame if I try to get him to own up to his negative behaviors that hurt me almost every second.

I saw the red flags a long time ago, but I had hope. Hope that has now completely withered away bc I know he won't change, at least not anytime soon. I can see it in his face when I try to have any form of an adult conversation with him. The way he just barely squints his eyes while I'm talking, the smirk that I try to convince myself isn't real bc it's so slight, the overall look of complete apathy.

I've tried leaving before, several times and one period of 5 months, but I wanted to make things work bc we got married this year. He told me it would make me more consistent and I wouldn't feel like leaving all the time, but let me tell you, I feel like leaving all the time. I've told him about my plans to go back home, without him. I've told him I would stay if he would be a part of this relationship too bc I can't be with someone who is the source of so much of my pain. You know that saying, "you can't make someone love you if they don't want to"? It's true, fucking painfully true. I've found myself holding on to tiny shreds of hope here and there, making myself believe that he'll try in small gestures like a kiss or laying his head on me. But I've been doing that for too long. I have made sacrifices for him over and over to the point where I don't recognize myself anymore. I've stopped talking to wonderful ppl bc it made him uncomfortable. I'll admit it, I kissed a guy back the night after we decided to be mutually exclusive. I talked to an ex love interest for a period of time abt how I was struggling in my relationship w Onyx. But I apologized, owned up to those behaviors, and made changes. I don't deserve for those things to be held over my head and brought up in almost every fight bc yes, I fucked up, but I did what I had to do to fix things. At a certain point, you have to be accountable for how you let your hurt and anger manifest.

So now I'm leaving bc I have to get back to my daughter and get in a better environment, but I don't know how or when. Like I said earlier, I ruined a lot of relationships try to preserve the one that was ruining me. But I'm really stuck out here, I've never been able to hold a job in my working career, and even if I could, I'm also taking several online college classes (that's been a bitch too) so I can't work more than part time and even that would jeopardize my mental health. I'm really stuck and so frustrated and I'm sorry that this has been a super long post. Like I said, I'm just bitching about life. I know the most sucky situations bring about the most growth.

For those of you who are curious, my diagnoses are PTSD, atypical OCD, and persistent depression w mood incongruent psychotic features.

Also: Besides being a good talker, I'm also a great listener. If you're struggling right now, I'm here for u.

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yuudefensesquad · 6 years ago

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me ranting about yuu once again

no one is saying yuu isn’t allowed to feel happy. (as yuudefensesquad all i want is for him to be happy aight) we are saying we wish yuu was allowed to be upset, hurt, and angry. things that he purposefully avoids feeling.

like really? he’s just chill w ferid hanging around after going on a mind blanking sword slashing spree with him after their first reunion? this dude flaunting around akane’s head and nearly turning into a full demon after experiencing that?

he’s all happy to be talking to guren even though their previous encounter had guren betraying yuu and his squad and stabbing him? did he just get hit on the fucking head and forgot about that? and then being all sympathetic and being like “wow i bet you were really hurting guren im sorry ):” yet guren never asks if he is okay and understands his situation? yuu just had to figure it all out for himself? (i love guren but DUDE...)

plus with guren putting the guren squad’s lives on yuu’s shoulders after saying they’ll disappear if he doesn’t find a solution really makes me feel bad bc. THIS ALL. IS JUST ONE BIG CLUSTER FUCK OF STRESS AND RESPONSIBILITIES HE ALREADY FEELS LIKE HE HAS TO REVIVE THE ENTIRE WORLD AND NOW PEOPLE HE KNOWS AND IN SUCH A SHORT TIME SPAN

also he’s all smiling and eager to help after seeing human experimentation that his father / mentor figure was acting upon? you know, something that destroyed his family?

he’s under all this stress, having guren in one ear and mika in the other, telling him two different things and the realization that’s he has been in a cruel, supernatural practice since the day he was born isn’t making him freak the fuck out like any 16/17 yo would?

how he feels being a seraph? the second trumpet? having it? are the transformations painful because he surely screamed for the first two times. like do the wings leave marks? do they burn or itch? also with guren knowing all along and never speaking up about it, being smug at the battlefield when yuu forcefully turned, how does he feel abt guren saving him just to be a bioweapon? what are his thoughts more than just ‘im able to protect my family with this thing!’ BC GOD DAMMIT YUU YOU ARE SO MUCH MORE THAN A SHIELD PLEASE STOP

his feelings aren’t being explored. yeah, he’s smiling. yeah, he’s happy to have mika like y’all keep saying. but mika coming back to him doesn’t solve all of his shit. mika isn’t his cure or salvation or fixes all of his issues like ive seen people assume he does. we aren’t getting deep in there. yuu’s earliest trauma was briefly explored and then forgotten about and replaced with another seraph transformation

“but we had like 3147891274 chapters of him being emo” yes and it was all forgotten immediately once mika came back into his life. we got no development on yuu’s feelings about it. just immediately he started seeking the cure for vampirism and asking for his family to save mika with him, not him thinking about how the species he wanted to mass murder for killing his family is actually a part of his surviving family and suddenly he views them like fellow human beings, especially FERID F UC KING B ATH ORY WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK KAGAM

and about ferid i know things are kinda tight in between scenes w the story right now and i just want yuu to be like “hey once this is all over i’m fucking murdering ferid” and mika being like “lets kill him together” THAT WOULD BE GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME !!!

and people say “i hate it when ppl say yuu coming back into mikas life solved all of mikas problems” bc surely enough it seems to be the complete other way around to how people interpret this and it sucks because yuu is so much more than just ‘a sad boy who is happy now bc his bff came back’ that’s not how it works. neither of them can fix all of the other’s issues. that includes BOTH. SIDES.

the most relevant thing to yuu’s survivor’s guilt (which should be optimized more in my opinion) was yuu immediately apologizing to mika for running away as their first meeting since sanguinem and his severe abandonment issues, and taking on all the blame

AND YUU CRYING WHEN SEEING THE HYAKUYA KIDS??? CAN I GET MORE OF THAT PLEASE??? THAT WAS SOME GOOD FUCKING FOOD AND I AM STARVING IT’S BEEN A LONG TIME SINCE I’VE ATE SOME YUU SADNESS

demons use their host’s weakest points to take advantage of them. yuu’s weakest points was being told by his family that he abandoned them, that it’s his fault, that he should’ve done something, asking why he got to meet friends and replace them when he left them all behind in the first place AND OUCH CAN MIKA LIKE SIT DOWN WITH HIM AND CAN THEY COMMUNICATE ABOUT WHAT FUCKIN HAPPENED FOR REAL!!! LIKE A HEART TO HEART!!! BECAUSE CLEARLY THERE’S SOME UNSPOKEN SHIT IF MIKA IS STILL BLAMING HIMSELF AND YUU IS STILL UNABLE TO VOCALIZE HIS FEELINGS ABOUT THINGS im so u p s et

god dammit i want someone to come up to yuu and be like “hey buddy... you know it’s okay to not be okay right... i know things are tough right now and i have no fucking idea how you’re all smiley and giggly right now and i’m wondering if you’re just smiling not only for us but to trick yourself into believing that everything’s fine and dandy...”

YES yuu has his happy moments YES yuu can feel happy

BUT FEELINGS. AREN’T. STATIC. THEY CHANGE.

it makes NO SENSE for yuu’s emotion to only be the ^_^ face

like yuu is literally in a tug of war right now between guren and mika and his squad isn’t helping by just existing in the bg panels and going along with guren’s plan without any complaints

like don’t yell at just yuu for not abiding by mika’s words because the shinoa squad + narumi aren’t clean either AND IT’S NOT A MATTER OF FAULT OR BLAME because not every character is black or white.

i’m so sorry for rambling but just. give me my boy. i love him for his smile but i also love him for his development and entire character. not just his expression and his relationships with people. i love him for yuuichirou hyakuya, you know, the kid who escaped sanguinem screaming and crying, who had night terrors, who blamed himself for years, who wanted to die, who has ptsd, who has trust issues, who has abandonment issues, who is possibly a codependent

like. he hasn’t accomplished his goal for eternal happiness yet. you have to go through so much to achieve that and he hasn’t. i don’t know if kagami is leading up for a severe breakdown or something but... sheesh

and all people ever do is reduce yuu to the “dumbass” character and he’s so much more than that. he’s following his heart and trying his best and it’s not going to make everyone happy. he’s going to make someone upset either way

i know the story is currently plot-heavy and not character heavy but i’m so... KAGAMI. PLEASE. if yall got input LMK i need to know what people think about this and if im the only one or not

#rambling #im so so rry this is such a post...#yuuichirou hyakuya #yuu #mine #yuudefensesquad #long post #owari no seraph #seraph of the end

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soft-still · 3 years ago

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How can I overcome the guilt of being a bad communicator when im angry? I’ve been told I come off passive aggressive. im just in my head a lot and thinking of a respectful way to react. Other people view it as childish for not communicating my feelings instantly. Its hard for me to know what im feeling and why and i just feel like thats for me to figure out BEFORE I bring an issue to someone. For context i met this guy and I feel like we both moved too fast out of lust. He was going through alot (idk why i always attract ppl at this stage in their life) He lost a family member, and just got out of a relationship. He said the relationship was dead long before it was over but he was still working through things within himself because of it. He said he still felt emotionally available, but i’m realizing now when he still had a lot to work on he was removing the romance aspect of that.. which i didnt understand at the time and asked twice because I felt confused. So I let him know I dont want anything casual/FWB, and he said he didnt either. We’d hang out and he’d be like “we’re on a date” and it felt manipulative once I really started to think about it. Why use that language if we arent actually building on something? After we were intimate with eachother he said “i wouldnt fall in love with me right now. I just dont have the capacity to receive/give love romantically how i normally would” i didnt say anything then because he was being honest and vulnerable but it hurt. I felt manipulated. Probably manipulated myself into thinking something good could come from this. I dont have many experiences with good/honest men. Even though that is the bare minimum.. I wanted to hold on because i felt like i deserved to be loved, but also recognized he cant.. and i just feel like he had just as much responsibility to leave me alone knowing that. I’m also holding myself accountable because so did I. I left something at his house and went to go get it. I was so passive aggressive, told him nothing was wrong, tried to walk away from him after getting my stuff. I thought it would be best to just ghost him. I already caught feelings and it’d hurt too much if he chose to gaslight me to my face. I didnt want to break down in front of him. He called me once i got to my car and cursed at me.. i was so triggered i brought everything i was feeling to his attention in an accusatory way and i feel so much guilt because i feel like maybe if i wasnt so emotional about the situation he would’ve heard me out. I just felt like he could’ve been more sensitive and understanding to how i reacted especially because I previously explained i’ve been through emotionally/sexual abuse. He called me selfish, told me we’re done and its all my fault, and didn’t even acknowledge my explanation for reacting that way. I apologized a few days later once I cooled off but he ignored it, told me if i had more grace he’d have more empathy..and blocked me. Then he went on twitter ranting about “weird women” and it hurt. He knew i would see it. I dont think i’d ever rekindle anything with him. Im not sure if i dodged a bullet or let my anxiety get the best of me. I’m dealing with a lot of guilt for how it ended even though i tried to rectify things, and I think we both could’ve handled eachother better or maybe i am selfish..? Regardless how can I move on from the guilt of how it ended and him in general? Should I block him back?

Hi, really sorry that you’re dealing with that! It sounds like this guy definitely gave you mixed signals and i can definitely understand why being told that he wasn’t emotionally available immediately after being intimate felt like manipulation, I’d feel the same way in your position. Nobody is ever going to have a 100% perfect response in that situation but you live and you learn. You didn’t like that you were passive aggressive in this situation so maybe just keep in mind how you felt abt it and try to take more time so you can communicate clearly and directly in future situations. In terms of moving on, everyone is different but personally what works for me is a block and cut contact no social media’s no shared playlists no texts or calls none of that. It feels easier to get all the thoughts and feelings laid out and sorted without having new stuff to process. The guilt will fade with time and you’ll look back and feel more calm in the decisions you made and will make.

#tw sa mention #tw sa #it def sounds like you dodged a bullet #like being shady on Twitter is also passive aggressive #and if he’s not emotionally available even if you had handled that situation with ‘grace’ he wouldn’t have become magically available #is it your fault is it his fault can play on your mind forever but there won’t ever rlly be an agreement #at least not who you rlly want it from #so eventually you just move on and avails being in that situation again #sorry if this was bad advice #i hope it wasn’t #hope you feel better regardless

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fyrapartnersearch · 8 years ago

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oh look another rp ad

yo what the h*ck is up?

you can all call me nobody, or any other Quirky and Fun™ nicknames you come up with.

anyways, some quick things abt me so that you can get an idea of what i’m about before committing urself to reading this big ol ad.

+female +18 +pacific time zone, active from 6 am to 12am usually +lazy lit (as in my ooc chatter is pretty relaxed but i can crank out good quality 150-500 word replies. intros can hit 1000+ words if i’m in the Zone. samples can be provided on request) +currently looking for m/m roleplays, but willing to double and play m/f and f/f +main genres are horror, dystopian, low fantasy, urban fantasy, cosmic horror/lovecraftian horror, romance, and maybe slice of life if u got a nice plot +kink-friendly, for the most part. only limits are the typical ones. being the Nasty that i am, i compiled a nice lil list of all my likes and dislikes here: https://www.f-list.net/c/gross%20ass%20kink%20list Fav list is the “i’ll give you my firstborn child if you’ll do this with me” list, yes is the “good shit 👀👌” list, maybe is the “don’t rlly care about, but willing to try this!/in some cases this is Good” list, and anything on the no list is a hard limit. +ooc chatter friendly! we don’t have to become Super Best Friends, but communication is always good! +would prefer to play a sub. i’m super sorry abt this because i know most people also wanna play subs but. every single roleplay i’ve done in the past has wanted me to go dom and i’ve done it. it gets tiring after awhile. sometimes it’s nice to get the chance to play a twink for once. that being said i’ll dom if you’re willing to double. +ditch friendly! although i’d prefer notice, idk if you decide things aren’t working out and decide to jump ship

anyways, if you’re still interested i’ll be glad to describe what i’m looking for with more detail!

right now what i’m really craving is some nice, dark romance, possibly between some kinda yandere and the poor object of his/her/their/ect. affections. yandere is possibly some sort of serial killer, and leaves bloody confession notes for their crush at each crime scene.

i’m also really into the idea of equally horrible people falling in love with eachother and doing horrible things to both eachother and others. possibly two different rival serial killers with a nice love/hate relationship?

really there aren’t any details i’m super focused on, what i’m really craving right now is just something Edgy n Dark.

i’m totally down for talking about different plot ideas or expanding on the ones above! however, if you’re the type who likes their partners to have a slightly more coherent plot than just a few loose ideas, have i got the thing for u! all details in the plots below are totally up for discussion and change! the stars indicate how much i’m craving a particular plot. the bolded roles are the ones i have an idea for/an interest in playing!

ι ωαит тσ fυ¢кιиg тєαя уσυ αραят *** (Serial killer x Civilian)

Character A is the textbook definition of predictable and boring, or so it seems. They’re a pre-med student, having few friends and living life on a tight schedule. Class, study, work, sleep. Lather, rinse, repeat. Not the type you’d give a second glance. Unknown to most, however, is Character A’s rather… dark hobbies. Having purchased a small fixer-upper on the very edge of town, they’ve used a small loan of their wealthy parents’ money in order to repurpose the decrepit house into something far more sinister. Much like it’s owner, the house appears ordinary and even quaint on the outside. But peeling away this innocuous facade, one exposes a dark secret. A soundproofed basement, filled with various and vile instruments of torture and with blood permanently stained into the concrete floor. It’s Character A’s sanctuary, where they retreat to vent their desires on whatever poor souls they’ve managed to trap. They’re careful in the selection of their victims, of course. They’ve done their research, they know what precautions to take to avoid suspicion. Lately, the town that Character A lives in has seen a decrease in the homeless population. People that no one notices missing, the kind that can disappear without anyone really caring. Character A is, of course, responsible for this. Enter Character B. Their backstory and position in society is totally up to you. Maybe they’re a fellow student, or maybe one of the few police officers who’ve noticed the disturbing disappearances of most of the city’s homeless? Or, maybe they’re some vagrant, lacking any true home and finding themselves wandering from city to city. Regardless, they happen to catch Character A’s interest. And soon, they become an unwilling object of their obsession. Character A has never experienced anything close to romanic or sexual attraction before, and so they deal with these alien emotions the only way they know how to. No matter what, they resolve to make Character B totally and utterly theirs. Even if they have to kill Character B’s family and friends in order to do so.

тнє нσяяσя σf συя ℓσνє *** (Eldritch Abomination/God x Human)

Character A is a creature made from nightmare and chaos, a primordial and ancient being that resides in the darkest, most ancient reaches of the universe. And now, for the first time in their infinite existence, they’ve become bored. Having exhausted all other forms of entertainment, they decide to don a human guise, spending to them what seems like a brief time on Earth. They live a few lifetimes, kill a few kings, and topple a nation or two, before deciding to take on yet another identity in the modern era. This is when they find themselves drawn to Character B, a human (everything besides species is up to you tbh). Perhaps it’s because they’ve spent too much time living as a mortal, but for whatever reason Character A finds themselves experiencing an undeniable attraction. They soon find themselves slipping deeper and deeper into this lust, becoming obsessed with this human and vowing to do anything in their power to make Character B theirs.

ωє киσω ωнєяє уσυ ѕℓєєρ ********* (Assassin x King)

Character A has been trained from birth to become the perfect killer. An orphan taken in by an assassins’ guild, they’ve known no other life, and have never had any thought of escape or rebellion. They’re well known as one of the best assassins in their guild, and oftentimes get the most dangerous and lucrative jobs. However, their newest assignment might prove too much even for them. Character A is no stranger to killing important figures, such as ambassadors or even princes. Though, they’ve never been hired to kill a king before, much less the one of a powerful, wealthy country, the king being Character B. Of course, their pride and greed prevents them from denying such a task, and so Character A sets out to complete their mission. From here it’s more up to you. Perhaps the assassin becomes closer than they should to the king while working undercover, trying to find an opportunity to kill him. Feelings begin to complicate things, and Character A begins to question if they can go through with it. Or maybe Character A fails their task? While attempting to sneak into the castle, they’re captured. And instead of killing them, Character B decides to have a bit of fun with them. They make Character A their concubine, and resolve to utterly break any spirit of rebellion or resistance within them.

ѕσυℓ fσя ѕαℓє **** (Demon x King/Prince) (im ok with either role!) Character A is the a member of a powerful nation’s royal family. Groomed from birth for greatness, they still find themselves doubting their aptitude for leading their country. Or maybe they’re the youngest of the princes, set to inherit nothing but meager riches and a small plot of land. Whatever the reason, they end up contacting a demon in order to achieve their goals. The tomes Character A has read say that, in exchange for one’s mortal soul, a summoned demon will grant them unlimited power. After performing the ritual, however, Character A begins to have some regrets. The summoned demon, Character B, seems to have more control over Character A than they do over the demon. Perhaps they should’ve read the fine print in the contract…

υинσℓу, ∂ιяту, αи∂ вєαυтιfυℓ **** (Demon x Priest)

Character A is a young man of the cloth, the leader of a small congregation in a rural midwestern town. He leads a simple, devout life, right up until a mysterious, dark stranger (Character B) rolls into town. Charming and charismatic, they manage to win over most of the townsfolk. Yet behind those seemingly friendly eyes, there lies something dark. A spark of ill intent, a malicious gleam that speaks of unwholesome desires and intensions. Character A is one of the few to notice this. His suspicions only deepen when he notices Character B’s powerful revulsion towards symbols of worship. He resolves to rid his town of this seemingly demonic invader, though he soon learns that Character B has their own plans for him…

тєяяιвℓє αиgєℓѕ ****** (Fallen Angel x Sacrifice) (im ok with either role!) Character A was once an angel, a creature symbolizing purity and virtue. But, through their own hubris and sin, was cast out of heaven to make their way on earth. They’ve used their time on the mortal plane well, however. They’ve managed to start a small cult about them, convincing their human followers that they are god incarnate, come to earth to cleanse the impure and gather the righteous. In order to prove their devotion, the members of Character A’s cult must make an annual sacrifice in their honor. Enter Character B. A regular human, they find themselves next on the chopping block for this year’s sacrifice. Though when Character A finds them tied up at the altar, helpless and ready to be devoured, they do something odd. Something about this human intrigues them, so much so that they decide to have a bit of fun with them before killing them…

мє αи∂ тнє ∂єνιℓ ******* (Cult Leader x Acolyte)

Character A is the leader of a large cult, which makes its base of operations deep within the rolling deserts of Arizona. A seemingly utopian society at first glance, the cult is run as a commune. No one truly “owns” anything, all property owned by the community itself, the means of production shared. A perfect society, as long as one doesn’t dig below the surface. In truth, Character A holds all of the members under their thumb. No one is allowed to leave, unless they want to face complete ostracization from everyone they know. Not to mention that they would be completely without possessions or money in the free world. The members that Character A favors live privileged lives. They live in the best housing, and oftentimes have multiple spouses. Character A has quite a few spouses as well, and are allowed their pick of anyone in the commune to do with as they wish. Those that displease Character A, however, have a very different lot in life. If they don’t simply “disappear” into the vast desert one day, they are shunned by their peers. Forced to the very edges on the commune, they are not allowed to speak to anyone. Character B is a newcomer to the cult. Before long, they find Character A’s eyes on them, and find themself being courted by them. Life seems good, for a while. Until they begin to learn the dark secrets behind the cult, of course. Will they try and escape, or do anything to avoid falling out of Character A’s favor?

——

of course if none of these plots appeal to you we can def work something else out!!

anyways, here’s my contact info if ur still interested! when you first send me a message, i’d like if you’d include a little about yourself, along with any plots you’d be interested in!

gmail: [email protected]

skype: An0ther Nob0dy

#independent roleplay #oc rp #multiple paragraph #long term #email #messenger #submission

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find-your-rp-partner · 8 years ago

Text

oh look another ad

(note: apologies if this ad posts twice! there was an error when i submitted this thing) yo what the h*ck is up? you can all call me nobody, or any other Quirky and Fun(tm) nicknames you come up with. anyways, some quick things abt me so that you can get an idea of what i'm about before committing urself to reading this big ol ad. +female +18 +pacific time zone, active from 6 am to 12am usually +lazy lit (as in my ooc chatter is pretty relaxed but i can crank out good quality 150-500 word replies. intros can hit 1000+ words if i'm in the Zone. samples can be provided on request) +currently looking for m/m roleplays, but willing to double and play m/f and f/f +main genres are horror, dystopian, low fantasy, urban fantasy, cosmic horror/lovecraftian horror, romance, and maybe slice of life if u got a nice plot +kink-friendly, for the most part. only limits are the typical ones. being the Nasty that i am, i compiled a nice lil list of all my likes and dislikes here: https://www.f-list.net/c/gross%20ass%20kink%20list Fav list is the "i'll give you my firstborn child if you'll do this with me" list, yes is the "good shit 👀👌" list, maybe is the "don't rlly care about, but willing to try this!/in some cases this is Good" list, and anything on the no list is a hard limit. +ooc chatter friendly! we don't have to become Super Best Friends, but communication is always good! +would prefer to play a sub. i'm super sorry abt this because i know most people also wanna play subs but. every single roleplay i've done in the past has wanted me to go dom and i've done it. it gets tiring after awhile. sometimes it's nice to get the chance to play a twink for once. that being said i'll dom if you're willing to double. +ditch friendly! although i'd prefer notice, idk if you decide things aren't working out and decide to jump ship anyways, if you're still interested i'll be glad to describe what i'm looking for with more detail! right now what i'm really craving is some nice, dark romance, possibly between some kinda yandere and the poor object of his/her/their/ect. affections. yandere is possibly some sort of serial killer, and leaves bloody confession notes for their crush at each crime scene. i'm also really into the idea of equally horrible people falling in love with eachother and doing horrible things to both eachother and others. possibly two different rival serial killers with a nice love/hate relationship? really there aren't any details i'm super focused on, what i'm really craving right now is just something Edgy n Dark. i'm totally down for talking about different plot ideas or expanding on the ones above! however, if you're the type who likes their partners to have a slightly more coherent plot than just a few loose ideas, have i got the thing for u! all details in the plots below are totally up for discussion and change! the stars indicate how much i'm craving a particular plot. the bolded roles are the ones i have an idea for/an interest in playing! ι ωαит тσ fυ¢кιиg тєαя уσυ αραят *** (Serial killer x Civilian) Character A is the textbook definition of predictable and boring, or so it seems. They're a pre-med student, having few friends and living life on a tight schedule. Class, study, work, sleep. Lather, rinse, repeat. Not the type you'd give a second glance. Unknown to most, however, is Character A's rather... dark hobbies. Having purchased a small fixer-upper on the very edge of town, they've used a small loan of their wealthy parents' money in order to repurpose the decrepit house into something far more sinister. Much like it's owner, the house appears ordinary and even quaint on the outside. But peeling away this innocuous facade, one exposes a dark secret. A soundproofed basement, filled with various and vile instruments of torture and with blood permanently stained into the concrete floor. It's Character A's sanctuary, where they retreat to vent their desires on whatever poor souls they've managed to trap. They're careful in the selection of their victims, of course. They've done their research, they know what precautions to take to avoid suspicion. Lately, the town that Character A lives in has seen a decrease in the homeless population. People that no one notices missing, the kind that can disappear without anyone really caring. Character A is, of course, responsible for this. Enter Character B. Their backstory and position in society is totally up to you. Maybe they're a fellow student, or maybe one of the few police officers who've noticed the disturbing disappearances of most of the city's homeless? Or, maybe they're some vagrant, lacking any true home and finding themselves wandering from city to city. Regardless, they happen to catch Character A's interest. And soon, they become an unwilling object of their obsession. Character A has never experienced anything close to romanic or sexual attraction before, and so they deal with these alien emotions the only way they know how to. No matter what, they resolve to make Character B totally and utterly theirs. Even if they have to kill Character B's family and friends in order to do so. тнє нσяяσя σf συя ℓσνє *** (Eldritch Abomination/God x Human) Character A is a creature made from nightmare and chaos, a primordial and ancient being that resides in the darkest, most ancient reaches of the universe. And now, for the first time in their infinite existence, they've become bored. Having exhausted all other forms of entertainment, they decide to don a human guise, spending to them what seems like a brief time on Earth. They live a few lifetimes, kill a few kings, and topple a nation or two, before deciding to take on yet another identity in the modern era. This is when they find themselves drawn to Character B, a human (everything besides species is up to you tbh). Perhaps it's because they've spent too much time living as a mortal, but for whatever reason Character A finds themselves experiencing an undeniable attraction. They soon find themselves slipping deeper and deeper into this lust, becoming obsessed with this human and vowing to do anything in their power to make Character B theirs. ωє киσω ωнєяє уσυ ѕℓєєρ ********* (Assassin x King) Character A has been trained from birth to become the perfect killer. An orphan taken in by an assassins' guild, they've known no other life, and have never had any thought of escape or rebellion. They're well known as one of the best assassins in their guild, and oftentimes get the most dangerous and lucrative jobs. However, their newest assignment might prove too much even for them. Character A is no stranger to killing important figures, such as ambassadors or even princes. Though, they've never been hired to kill a king before, much less the one of a powerful, wealthy country, the king being Character B. Of course, their pride and greed prevents them from denying such a task, and so Character A sets out to complete their mission. From here it's more up to you. Perhaps the assassin becomes closer than they should to the king while working undercover, trying to find an opportunity to kill him. Feelings begin to complicate things, and Character A begins to question if they can go through with it. Or maybe Character A fails their task? While attempting to sneak into the castle, they're captured. And instead of killing them, Character B decides to have a bit of fun with them. They make Character A their concubine, and resolve to utterly break any spirit of rebellion or resistance within them. ѕσυℓ fσя ѕαℓє **** (Demon x King/Prince) (im ok with either role!) Character A is the a member of a powerful nation's royal family. Groomed from birth for greatness, they still find themselves doubting their aptitude for leading their country. Or maybe they're the youngest of the princes, set to inherit nothing but meager riches and a small plot of land. Whatever the reason, they end up contacting a demon in order to achieve their goals. The tomes Character A has read say that, in exchange for one's mortal soul, a summoned demon will grant them unlimited power. After performing the ritual, however, Character A begins to have some regrets. The summoned demon, Character B, seems to have more control over Character A than they do over the demon. Perhaps they should've read the fine print in the contract... υинσℓу, ∂ιяту, αи∂ вєαυтιfυℓ **** (Demon x Priest) Character A is a young man of the cloth, the leader of a small congregation in a rural midwestern town. He leads a simple, devout life, right up until a mysterious, dark stranger (Character B) rolls into town. Charming and charismatic, they manage to win over most of the townsfolk. Yet behind those seemingly friendly eyes, there lies something dark. A spark of ill intent, a malicious gleam that speaks of unwholesome desires and intensions. Character A is one of the few to notice this. His suspicions only deepen when he notices Character B's powerful revulsion towards symbols of worship. He resolves to rid his town of this seemingly demonic invader, though he soon learns that Character B has their own plans for him... тєяяιвℓє αиgєℓѕ ****** (Fallen Angel x Sacrifice) (im ok with either role!) Character A was once an angel, a creature symbolizing purity and virtue. But, through their own hubris and sin, was cast out of heaven to make their way on earth. They've used their time on the mortal plane well, however. They've managed to start a small cult about them, convincing their human followers that they are god incarnate, come to earth to cleanse the impure and gather the righteous. In order to prove their devotion, the members of Character A's cult must make an annual sacrifice in their honor. Enter Character B. A regular human, they find themselves next on the chopping block for this year's sacrifice. Though when Character A finds them tied up at the altar, helpless and ready to be devoured, they do something odd. Something about this human intrigues them, so much so that they decide to have a bit of fun with them before killing them... мє αи∂ тнє ∂єνιℓ ******* (Cult Leader x Acolyte) Character A is the leader of a large cult, which makes its base of operations deep within the rolling deserts of Arizona. A seemingly utopian society at first glance, the cult is run as a commune. No one truly "owns" anything, all property owned by the community itself, the means of production shared. A perfect society, as long as one doesn't dig below the surface. In truth, Character A holds all of the members under their thumb. No one is allowed to leave, unless they want to face complete ostracization from everyone they know. Not to mention that they would be completely without possessions or money in the free world. The members that Character A favors live privileged lives. They live in the best housing, and oftentimes have multiple spouses. Character A has quite a few spouses as well, and are allowed their pick of anyone in the commune to do with as they wish. Those that displease Character A, however, have a very different lot in life. If they don't simply "disappear" into the vast desert one day, they are shunned by their peers. Forced to the very edges on the commune, they are not allowed to speak to anyone. Character B is a newcomer to the cult. Before long, they find Character A's eyes on them, and find themself being courted by them. Life seems good, for a while. Until they begin to learn the dark secrets behind the cult, of course. Will they try and escape, or do anything to avoid falling out of Character A's favor? ------ of course if none of these plots appeal to you we can def work something else out!! anyways, here's my contact info if ur still interested! when you first send me a message, i'd like if you'd include a little about yourself, along with any plots you'd be interested in! gmail: [email protected] skype: An0ther Nob0dy

#rp partner search #rp partner ad #rp ad #rp search #original #email #skype #submission

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find-your-rp-partner · 8 years ago

Text

oh look it's another rp ad

yo what the h*ck is up? you can all call me nobody, or any other Quirky and Fun(tm) nicknames you come up with. anyways, some quick things abt me so that you can get an idea of what i'm about before committing urself to reading this big ol ad. +female +18 +pacific time zone, active from 6 am to 12am usually +lazy lit (as in my ooc chatter is pretty relaxed but i can crank out good quality 150-500 word replies. intros can hit 1000+ words if i'm in the Zone. samples can be provided on request) +currently looking for m/m roleplays, but willing to double and play m/f and f/f +main genres are horror, dystopian, low fantasy, urban fantasy, cosmic horror/lovecraftian horror, romance, and maybe slice of life if u got a nice plot +kink-friendly, for the most part. only limits are the typical ones. being the Nasty that i am, i compiled a nice lil list of all my likes and dislikes here: https://www.f-list.net/c/gross%20ass%20kink%20list Fav list is the "i'll give you my firstborn child if you'll do this with me" list, yes is the "good shit 👀👌" list, maybe is the "don't rlly care about, but willing to try this!/in some cases this is Good" list, and anything on the no list is a hard limit. +ooc chatter friendly! we don't have to become Super Best Friends, but communication is always good! +would prefer to play a sub. i'm super sorry abt this because i know most people also wanna play subs but. every single roleplay i've done in the past has wanted me to go dom and i've done it. it gets tiring after awhile. sometimes it's nice to get the chance to play a twink for once. that being said i'll dom if you're willing to double. +ditch friendly! although i'd prefer notice, idk if you decide things aren't working out and decide to jump ship anyways, if you're still interested i'll be glad to describe what i'm looking for with more detail! right now what i'm really craving is some nice, dark romance, possibly between some kinda yandere and the poor object of his/her/their/ect. affections. yandere is possibly some sort of serial killer, and leaves bloody confession notes for their crush at each crime scene. i'm also really into the idea of equally horrible people falling in love with eachother and doing horrible things to both eachother and others. possibly two different rival serial killers with a nice love/hate relationship? really there aren't any details i'm super focused on, what i'm really craving right now is just something Edgy n Dark. i'm totally down for talking about different plot ideas or expanding on the ones above! however, if you're the type who likes their partners to have a slightly more coherent plot than just a few loose ideas, have i got the thing for u! all details in the plots below are totally up for discussion and change! the stars indicate how much i'm craving a particular plot. the bolded roles are the ones i have an idea for/an interest in playing! ι ωαит тσ fυ¢кιиg тєαя уσυ αραят *** (Serial killer x Civilian) Character A is the textbook definition of predictable and boring, or so it seems. They're a pre-med student, having few friends and living life on a tight schedule. Class, study, work, sleep. Lather, rinse, repeat. Not the type you'd give a second glance. Unknown to most, however, is Character A's rather... dark hobbies. Having purchased a small fixer-upper on the very edge of town, they've used a small loan of their wealthy parents' money in order to repurpose the decrepit house into something far more sinister. Much like it's owner, the house appears ordinary and even quaint on the outside. But peeling away this innocuous facade, one exposes a dark secret. A soundproofed basement, filled with various and vile instruments of torture and with blood permanently stained into the concrete floor. It's Character A's sanctuary, where they retreat to vent their desires on whatever poor souls they've managed to trap. They're careful in the selection of their victims, of course. They've done their research, they know what precautions to take to avoid suspicion. Lately, the town that Character A lives in has seen a decrease in the homeless population. People that no one notices missing, the kind that can disappear without anyone really caring. Character A is, of course, responsible for this. Enter Character B. Their backstory and position in society is totally up to you. Maybe they're a fellow student, or maybe one of the few police officers who've noticed the disturbing disappearances of most of the city's homeless? Or, maybe they're some vagrant, lacking any true home and finding themselves wandering from city to city. Regardless, they happen to catch Character A's interest. And soon, they become an unwilling object of their obsession. Character A has never experienced anything close to romanic or sexual attraction before, and so they deal with these alien emotions the only way they know how to. No matter what, they resolve to make Character B totally and utterly theirs. Even if they have to kill Character B's family and friends in order to do so. тнє нσяяσя σf συя ℓσνє *** (Eldritch Abomination/God x Human) Character A is a creature made from nightmare and chaos, a primordial and ancient being that resides in the darkest, most ancient reaches of the universe. And now, for the first time in their infinite existence, they've become bored. Having exhausted all other forms of entertainment, they decide to don a human guise, spending to them what seems like a brief time on Earth. They live a few lifetimes, kill a few kings, and topple a nation or two, before deciding to take on yet another identity in the modern era. This is when they find themselves drawn to Character B, a human (everything besides species is up to you tbh). Perhaps it's because they've spent too much time living as a mortal, but for whatever reason Character A finds themselves experiencing an undeniable attraction. They soon find themselves slipping deeper and deeper into this lust, becoming obsessed with this human and vowing to do anything in their power to make Character B theirs. ωє киσω ωнєяє уσυ ѕℓєєρ ********* (Assassin x King) Character A has been trained from birth to become the perfect killer. An orphan taken in by an assassins' guild, they've known no other life, and have never had any thought of escape or rebellion. They're well known as one of the best assassins in their guild, and oftentimes get the most dangerous and lucrative jobs. However, their newest assignment might prove too much even for them. Character A is no stranger to killing important figures, such as ambassadors or even princes. Though, they've never been hired to kill a king before, much less the one of a powerful, wealthy country, the king being Character B. Of course, their pride and greed prevents them from denying such a task, and so Character A sets out to complete their mission. From here it's more up to you. Perhaps the assassin becomes closer than they should to the king while working undercover, trying to find an opportunity to kill him. Feelings begin to complicate things, and Character A begins to question if they can go through with it. Or maybe Character A fails their task? While attempting to sneak into the castle, they're captured. And instead of killing them, Character B decides to have a bit of fun with them. They make Character A their concubine, and resolve to utterly break any spirit of rebellion or resistance within them. ѕσυℓ fσя ѕαℓє **** (Demon x King/Prince) (im ok with either role!) Character A is the a member of a powerful nation's royal family. Groomed from birth for greatness, they still find themselves doubting their aptitude for leading their country. Or maybe they're the youngest of the princes, set to inherit nothing but meager riches and a small plot of land. Whatever the reason, they end up contacting a demon in order to achieve their goals. The tomes Character A has read say that, in exchange for one's mortal soul, a summoned demon will grant them unlimited power. After performing the ritual, however, Character A begins to have some regrets. The summoned demon, Character B, seems to have more control over Character A than they do over the demon. Perhaps they should've read the fine print in the contract... υинσℓу, ∂ιяту, αи∂ вєαυтιfυℓ **** (Demon x Priest) Character A is a young man of the cloth, the leader of a small congregation in a rural midwestern town. He leads a simple, devout life, right up until a mysterious, dark stranger (Character B) rolls into town. Charming and charismatic, they manage to win over most of the townsfolk. Yet behind those seemingly friendly eyes, there lies something dark. A spark of ill intent, a malicious gleam that speaks of unwholesome desires and intensions. Character A is one of the few to notice this. His suspicions only deepen when he notices Character B's powerful revulsion towards symbols of worship. He resolves to rid his town of this seemingly demonic invader, though he soon learns that Character B has their own plans for him... тєяяιвℓє αиgєℓѕ ****** (Fallen Angel x Sacrifice) (im ok with either role!) Character A was once an angel, a creature symbolizing purity and virtue. But, through their own hubris and sin, was cast out of heaven to make their way on earth. They've used their time on the mortal plane well, however. They've managed to start a small cult about them, convincing their human followers that they are god incarnate, come to earth to cleanse the impure and gather the righteous. In order to prove their devotion, the members of Character A's cult must make an annual sacrifice in their honor. Enter Character B. A regular human, they find themselves next on the chopping block for this year's sacrifice. Though when Character A finds them tied up at the altar, helpless and ready to be devoured, they do something odd. Something about this human intrigues them, so much so that they decide to have a bit of fun with them before killing them... мє αи∂ тнє ∂єνιℓ ******* (Cult Leader x Acolyte) Character A is the leader of a large cult, which makes its base of operations deep within the rolling deserts of Arizona. A seemingly utopian society at first glance, the cult is run as a commune. No one truly "owns" anything, all property owned by the community itself, the means of production shared. A perfect society, as long as one doesn't dig below the surface. In truth, Character A holds all of the members under their thumb. No one is allowed to leave, unless they want to face complete ostracization from everyone they know. Not to mention that they would be completely without possessions or money in the free world. The members that Character A favors live privileged lives. They live in the best housing, and oftentimes have multiple spouses. Character A has quite a few spouses as well, and are allowed their pick of anyone in the commune to do with as they wish. Those that displease Character A, however, have a very different lot in life. If they don't simply "disappear" into the vast desert one day, they are shunned by their peers. Forced to the very edges on the commune, they are not allowed to speak to anyone. Character B is a newcomer to the cult. Before long, they find Character A's eyes on them, and find themself being courted by them. Life seems good, for a while. Until they begin to learn the dark secrets behind the cult, of course. Will they try and escape, or do anything to avoid falling out of Character A's favor? ------ of course if none of these plots appeal to you we can def work something else out!! anyways, here's my contact info if ur still interested! when you first send me a message, i'd like if you'd include a little about yourself, along with any plots you'd be interested in! gmail: [email protected] skype: An0ther Nob0dy

3 notes · View notes