#and if he’s not emotionally available even if you had handled that situation with ‘grace’ he wouldn’t have become magically available

[lady-of-the-english]

Tommy and Grace and Marriage Part 3

To echo back to ideas I started in part 1, Tommy at his core is a romantic with Grace, with a healthy view of what their relationship should be like. Tommy desires a true partnership with Grace - he promises her he'll help her with everything as she'll help him (it's one of the only health sentiments we've heard from him that I can remember).

He is willing and able to strip himself bare, physically and emotionally, with Grace. And with that, she is his strength. It takes strength and courage to put yourself out there, to trust another person, to be open and honest with them about your feelings and your dreams of the future together. Tommy knows and understands this: he is extremely picky in deciding when and with whom he shares the true depth of himself.

In 2x01, Polly, Ada, and Lizzie all prod Tommy for that openness and vulnerability to no avail. He chooses stoicism, maintaining his mask of emotionless as much as he can - like when discussing business at one of his oldest friends and brother-in-law's Freddy's funeral.

In the same episode, Campbell, as an antagonist, identifies Grace as Tommy's weakness. However, we are meant to disagree as Campbell is intentionally used as Tommy's foil to consider the ethics of both their careers and in their romantic connection to Grace.

The first of the trio to explicitly mention marriage and that potential future for Grace and Tommy is Campbell in his own failed proposal - a proposal that heavily centers around Tommy.

In 1x05, Tommy realizes that the guns have "become a burden" and agrees to sell them to the IRA in a trap, collaborating with Campbell.

In realizing that the IRA are planning to kill him once they get the location of the guns, and thus possibly before the "sixth chime" to midnight, which is the police's signal, Tommy turns to Grace - partly because "barmaids don't count" when told to be alone, but also because Tommy genuinely trusts her with his life.

We see Tommy's fear explicitly. He comes into the Garrison panting, shaking a little. Grace immediately understands that there is going to be "trouble" just seeing him. He's willing and able to show his true feelings with Grace. He trusts her to both help him handle this situation and to not think less of him demonstrating these unmasculine feelings (as Moss will deride Tommy for being ladylike due to his discomfort with the dead bodies in his bar at the end of the scene).

We see Tommy's frustration and fear that he needs to pull Grace into this side of the business. He tells her that when the IRA men get there, "they plan to kill me. It's your job to stop that happening." And he minimizes what she has to do: "You don't shoot. You just point," reassuring her that neither will have to kill anyone as the "police want them alive" and will be in soon to deal with the situation fully - a statement that surprises Grace. If the police are to help him, she assumes that she would be informed, and thus, her own disquiet truly develops.

Grace doesn't object at all to the idea of protecting him, only a bit in disbelief that "you could have given me more warning" to which Tommy reveals his full frustration and fear that "he just got the message himself" and thus wouldn't involve her in a danger situation unless he absolutely had to.

He sends her off to hide until the signal with his voice rasing and getting faster in his panic as he repeats to Grace, "All right, go. Go on. Go!"

Grace, hidden but peaking around the door, watching and listening for Tommy's signal, can hear clearly their threats as they they condensingly ask Tommy, "Did you think was let you live? Make your peace, Mr. Shelby," to which Grace comes out guns blazing.

I think her motivation is three-fold: since we met Grace, her primary goal has been to ensure these guns don't fall into the IRAs' hands. Even when Campbell points out at the beginning of the season that there are other players of concern, such as the Peaky Blinder, she maintains her focus on the IRA in her fear, hatred, and grief over her father's death. So, the mission itself, as an agent of the crown intertwined with revenge, greatly motivates her.

But, I think her feelings for Tommy are just as inspiring. If her grief of her father dying at the hands of this organization is still haunting to this degree, I imagine it must have been terrifying to hear another person she cares about possibly being taken from her in the same way. Feelings of revenge tend to be wrapped up in guilt of not being able to save that person. If she couldn't save her father, she'd make sure they couldn't do this to anyone else again - especially her again, which is a position I don't think she ever imagined being in.

Grace shoots multiple times, planning to kill both men so that Tommy would never be in real danger for a moment. Instead, her revenge helps pull him into the danger she so hoped to avoid. As Tommy begins to fight back, she's trying to get in there to shoot again, but she is knocked down and stays down until Tommy kills the second IRA man by bashing his face in.

Tommy immediately goes to Grace, and while she initially flinches from the violence, she let's him come to her, help her off the floor. She leans into Tommy's gentle caress of her face as Tommy tries to reassure himself that she is okay. Grace doesn't try to get away when he holds her head and asks her, "why did you shoot, Grace?". She replies in shock and disbelief, "I didn't know I had it in me like that."

Tommy, is likewise full of regret, afraid that he has driven her off as "now you've seen me."

But Grace's fear and criticism is only for herself as she responds, "and now you've seen me. I'm sorry." Instead of moving away from him, she draws closer, hugging him. Tommy is initially in disbelief, thinking he'd driven her off forever and surprised that she's the one sorry (I just can't imagine Tommy's been on the receiving end of many - any - apologies). But, he quickly unfreezes and sinks into her comforting embrace as he closes his eyes to bask in her presence and love.

This is Grace's breaking point as she tells Campbell the following morning. When Moss and the other cops come into the Garrison, they aren't sorry for purposefully going back on their deal with Tommy, that the IRA men are dead, and that Grace and Tommy could have died. Tommy, with tears in his eyes, holding himself up by leaning against the bar, respectfully state that "they fought well. They were brave men." Moss, gets in Tommy's face and and degrades him that they look like he was "killed by a wild fucking animal" and asks, "who cares?" about the bodies that he states were never never. As they leave, Grace looks at Tommy, whose eyes are closed, trying to stop the tears, and she can see fully who the real "bad" men are.

After walking her safely home, Tommy reiterates Grace's apology, telling her, "I'm sorry." We don't see Tommy often providing apologies either, but he is willing to give Grace what she offers him - everything.

In truly seeing both Tommy and the police force, Grace meets with Campbell to offer up the guns and her resignation. Previous scenes had shown Grace's discomfort with Campbell's degrading rhetoric about Tommy, but she typically ignored it and didn't argue back.

But now everything is different. At the meeting with Campbell, he strokes the same cheek Tommy caressed the night before, but this time, Grace flinches away.

Campbell offers a non-apology placing the blame on Tommy for the danger she was in: "I had no idea that he would involve you in this ugly business. If I had, I never would have let this happen," showing only his concern for her life in the situation. Grace looks away disgusted and argues back for truly the first time: "he trusts me. I told you that. You didn't believe me," showing the sharp contrast between Tommy and Campbell.

When he challenges her that Moss reported that they were "embracing," she scoffs is disbelief: "Is that your primary concern?". He tries to justify that his "concern" is for "her welfare," but Grace shakes her head no and takes full responsibility, telling him, "it was me who killed them" - both of them, as Tommy only finishes what she started and thus, she covers for him, not willing for him to face the consequences of her actions.

Campbell tries to blame that on Tommy's influence too, but Grace won't let him and makes clear that "something inside me changed" through seeing both Tommy and the police force clearly. She asserts that she and the police were the real "beasts" last night, not Tommy.

Grace claims that she no longer feels the need to "avenge" her father as she understands that it almost costs her Tommy's life. She asserts that the "hatred that I brought here with me is gone" in contrast to the depth of hatred Campbell feels. She reminds him that the mission was always about the guns, not The Peaky Blinders, and with that, negotiates a deal with him. She demands that "I want your word that Thomas Shelby will not be harmed if the guns are recovered. Your word as a gentleman." This great act of betrayal is in service of Tommy's life as both possessing the guns and trying to sell the guns have proven to have the same deadly consequences for him.

Campbell doesn't immediately agree as it is not something he wants to give; we've seen from the beginning how petty and personal he makes the "mission." He is incredulous that she has "sympathy" and "sentiment" for Tommy and tells her she's "too good-hearted for this work." He deems Tommy her weaknesses, just as he'll deem Grace Tommy's.

Realizing that he'll only agree if there is something in it for him, Grace capitulates on their own history: "So, for my sake, will you spare him?," finally getting his "word."

When she meets him at the grave the following morning, Campbell hugs Grace, which she doesn't reciprocate, and proposes the moment she resigned, ready and in wait to strike with a ring in his hand the second she's no longer his "subordinate." Campbell tells Grace what she once thought but no longer believes: "I'm a good man, and my admiration of you has turned to love." Seeing her shocked and disbelieving face, he tells Grace, " I don't ask for love in return. Just recognition that we are liked minds with shared values."

It is a proposal that is in complete odds with Tommy's declarations. Campbell formalities juxtaposed with Tommy's giddiness and boyish teasing in the following scenes. While both consider how they are the same with "liked minds," Campbell's viewpoint is based on the old version of Grace, who hasn't witnessed the police threaten women and children and provide empty promises, Tommy is confident in his assertion that they've "found each other" because Grace has told him so explicitly that he's truly "seen her" as she's seen him, and neither wants to look away.

Grace understands whose reactions to fear when giving bad news - who the real threat to her life is. Grace slowly and hesitantly goes to grap Campbell's hand (as the first and last time she voluntarily touches him) and formally addresses him as "Mr. Campbell," while trying to let a violent man down gently by lying and telling him, "you deserve better."

It's a lie he easily sees through, showing Grace his true colors once again. He immediately gets aggressive, stepping towards Grace, screaming in her face, "Is it the beast that dug this grave? Is it him between us?". This is in sharp contrast to the gangster that she actually betrayed, but who never showed her any anger or made any threats. Tommy wishes her well and his continued love when parting at the end of the season, while Cambpell tries to murder her.

Campbell's bullet wound from Grace is a physical reminder of Grace for Campbell, Tommy, and the audience. While she is not there, no one has forgotten her, and every visual and auditory cue of Campbell's cane echos her presence in these men's thoughts.

In 2x01, Churchill challenges Campbell's choice in using Tommy in spite of their history. Campbell assures him that this is why he is the best choice as to apply pressure, you need to know a man's weakness and I "know his weaknesses intimately" - a direct reference to Grace as he once spied on Tommy and Grace dancing in her apartment intimiately. Thus, the audience is reminded that Campbell's intertwining his personal petty grievances with his work have helped Tommy before. In 1x05, Campbell calls off the police raid when he learns that Tommy's gone off with Grace. Moss questions the choice, too, as it's not the smart, logical choice, and thus one that helped save his life. He chooses his pride over the job then.

While Campbell's goal is to use Tommy and then dispose of him once and for all, because of his resentment over Grace choosing Tommy, Campbell will save Tommy's life once again as they interrupt Sabini's attack on him at the end of the episode. And with that, we see once again that Grace isn't Tommy's weakness. When Campbell comes to the hospital to threaten and blackmail him, Tommy is the first person to mention Grace's name. While Tommy is senestive about Grace, he can and will bring her up when he wants to. And he calls on her memory to help him through this situation. Just as Campbell assumes that she is Tommy's weakness, Tommy knows that she is Campbell.

Tommy assumes correctly that Campbell is just as hung up over Grace as he is. He can't imagine someone being able to get over her, as he sure hasn't, and he uses the memory of her to disrupt Campbell's own control and strategy over the situation. With a pointed causualness, Tommy provides details of Grace's life, letting us know that he has kept tabs on her, wanting to stay connected to her even as they are ocean's apart. He relates that she's in New York and knows even more specifically that she's living in a "place call Poughkeepsie" and most importantly that she's "married now." In knowing how much that devastates him, he assumes that it will have a similar impact on Campbell.

Just as Tommy hasn't moved on, Campbell similarly shares Grace's personal details attacking Tommy's insecurities, letting him know he also knows that she's married, "to a banker. He's rich. I'm sure she's very happy," as he pokes at what Tommy wanted to provide Grace himself - economic security, but most of all, happiness.

While Campbell's information could come from Grace's family and abuse of his position, Tommy's obviously comes from Grace herself as we are told by Lizzie that a letter from "Poughkeepsie" arrived for him at his new offices in Digbeth. Both of them have ensured that they other has their new addresses keeping in touch. Obviously, the letter that season 1 ends on and season 2 opens with is not the last contact they've had in the last two years. We can see how much Tommy hasn't moved on; even though she's married now, he is still keeping communication open between them.

Campbell's remark is one that hurts, and thus, Tommy pivots to the physical discomfort Grace imparted - which visually symbolizes her presence for the rest of the reason.

Tommy says, "I imagine being shot by a woman hurts the same as being shot by a man. Just a bit more shameful." He emphasizes how while Grace has left them both, she only wanted to leave one of them behind and that the person she truly hurt purposefully isn't Tommy. In the end, she picked Tommy over everything else: her job, her family's expectations and status, her grief and plots of revenge, and her previous convictions about law, honor, and moralty.

Tommy declares that "every time you lean on that stick, I bet you see her face," as Tommy himself does. He is so sure that her memory haunts Campbell, willing to "bet" when he is someone who typically fixes bets in his favor. Tommy sees and remembers Grace everywhere. So, in his view, why would Campbell be any different.

Therefore, we see the door of the future Tommy imagined for them still open. Even if she's married, Grace is still the person he longs for every day; even him burning her letters isn't enough to truly burn the bridge between them - but more on that next time.

[soft-still]

How can I overcome the guilt of being a bad communicator when im angry? I’ve been told I come off passive aggressive. im just in my head a lot and thinking of a respectful way to react. Other people view it as childish for not communicating my feelings instantly. Its hard for me to know what im feeling and why and i just feel like thats for me to figure out BEFORE I bring an issue to someone. For context i met this guy and I feel like we both moved too fast out of lust. He was going through alot (idk why i always attract ppl at this stage in their life) He lost a family member, and just got out of a relationship. He said the relationship was dead long before it was over but he was still working through things within himself because of it. He said he still felt emotionally available, but i’m realizing now when he still had a lot to work on he was removing the romance aspect of that.. which i didnt understand at the time and asked twice because I felt confused. So I let him know I dont want anything casual/FWB, and he said he didnt either. We’d hang out and he’d be like “we’re on a date” and it felt manipulative once I really started to think about it. Why use that language if we arent actually building on something? After we were intimate with eachother he said “i wouldnt fall in love with me right now. I just dont have the capacity to receive/give love romantically how i normally would” i didnt say anything then because he was being honest and vulnerable but it hurt. I felt manipulated. Probably manipulated myself into thinking something good could come from this. I dont have many experiences with good/honest men. Even though that is the bare minimum.. I wanted to hold on because i felt like i deserved to be loved, but also recognized he cant.. and i just feel like he had just as much responsibility to leave me alone knowing that. I’m also holding myself accountable because so did I. I left something at his house and went to go get it. I was so passive aggressive, told him nothing was wrong, tried to walk away from him after getting my stuff. I thought it would be best to just ghost him. I already caught feelings and it’d hurt too much if he chose to gaslight me to my face. I didnt want to break down in front of him. He called me once i got to my car and cursed at me.. i was so triggered i brought everything i was feeling to his attention in an accusatory way and i feel so much guilt because i feel like maybe if i wasnt so emotional about the situation he would’ve heard me out. I just felt like he could’ve been more sensitive and understanding to how i reacted especially because I previously explained i’ve been through emotionally/sexual abuse. He called me selfish, told me we’re done and its all my fault, and didn’t even acknowledge my explanation for reacting that way. I apologized a few days later once I cooled off but he ignored it, told me if i had more grace he’d have more empathy..and blocked me. Then he went on twitter ranting about “weird women” and it hurt. He knew i would see it. I dont think i’d ever rekindle anything with him. Im not sure if i dodged a bullet or let my anxiety get the best of me. I’m dealing with a lot of guilt for how it ended even though i tried to rectify things, and I think we both could’ve handled eachother better or maybe i am selfish..? Regardless how can I move on from the guilt of how it ended and him in general? Should I block him back?

Hi, really sorry that you’re dealing with that! It sounds like this guy definitely gave you mixed signals and i can definitely understand why being told that he wasn’t emotionally available immediately after being intimate felt like manipulation, I’d feel the same way in your position. Nobody is ever going to have a 100% perfect response in that situation but you live and you learn. You didn’t like that you were passive aggressive in this situation so maybe just keep in mind how you felt abt it and try to take more time so you can communicate clearly and directly in future situations. In terms of moving on, everyone is different but personally what works for me is a block and cut contact no social media’s no shared playlists no texts or calls none of that. It feels easier to get all the thoughts and feelings laid out and sorted without having new stuff to process. The guilt will fade with time and you’ll look back and feel more calm in the decisions you made and will make.

[polyamorouscultureis]

How can I overcome the guilt of being a bad communicator when im angry? I’ve been told I come off passive aggressive. im just in my head a lot and thinking of a respectful way to react. Other people view it as childish for not communicating my feelings instantly. Its hard for me to know what im feeling and why and i just feel like thats for me to figure out BEFORE I bring an issue to someone. For context i met this guy and I feel like we both moved too fast out of lust. He was going through alot (idk why i always attract ppl at this stage in their life) He lost a family member, and just got out of a relationship. He said the relationship was dead long before it was over but he was still working through things within himself because of it. He said he still felt emotionally available, but i’m realizing now when he still had a lot to work on he was removing the romance aspect of that.. which i didnt understand at the time and asked twice because I felt confused. So I let him know I dont want anything casual/FWB, and he said he didnt either. We’d hang out and he’d be like “we’re on a date” and it felt manipulative once I really started to think about it. Why use that language if we arent actually building on something? After we were intimate with eachother he said “i wouldnt fall in love with me right now. I just dont have the capacity to receive/give love romantically how i normally would” i didnt say anything then because he was being honest and vulnerable but it hurt. I felt manipulated. Probably manipulated myself into thinking something good could come from this. I dont have many experiences with good/honest men. Even though that is the bare minimum.. I wanted to hold on because i felt like i deserved to be loved, but also recognized he cant.. and i just feel like he had just as much responsibility to leave me alone knowing that. I’m also holding myself accountable because so did I. I left something at his house and went to go get it. I was so passive aggressive, told him nothing was wrong, tried to walk away from him after getting my stuff. I thought it would be best to just ghost him. I already caught feelings and it’d hurt too much if he chose to gaslight me to my face. I didnt want to break down in front of him. He called me once i got to my car and cursed at me.. i was so triggered i brought everything i was feeling to his attention in an accusatory way and i feel so much guilt because i feel like maybe if i wasnt so emotional about the situation he would’ve heard me out. I just felt like he could’ve been more sensitive and understanding to how i reacted especially because I previously explained i’ve been through emotionally/sexual abuse. He called me selfish, told me we’re done and its all my fault, and didn’t even acknowledge my explanation for reacting that way. I apologized a few days later once I cooled off but he ignored it, told me if i had more grace he’d have more empathy..and blocked me. Then he went on twitter ranting about “weird women” and it hurt. He knew i would see it. I dont think i’d ever rekindle anything with him. Im not sure if i dodged a bullet or let my anxiety get the best of me. I’m dealing with a lot of guilt for how it ended even though i tried to rectify things, and I think we both could’ve handled eachother better or maybe i am selfish..? Regardless how can I move on from the guilt of how it ended and him in general? Should I block him back?

Wow, this is a lot. I'm sorry you've been through this.

From your original question, being a "bad communicator" when you're angry suggested to me that you're the kind of person who needs space to collect their thoughts before being able to have a mature conversation, which is perfectly fine - I'm like that too!

But given this story you followed up with, sounds like the instance you are talking about where you didnt tell him what was wrong was long after these mismatched expectations had been established. You told him you wanted more than FWB, and he didnt want to move beyond something casual. You both were going through really hard periods of your life. It's possible that subconsciously, you didnt feel safe speaking candidly to him yet, considering your past with abusive men.

However, considering the aftermath of all that, I do think you dodged a bullet with him. You said you told him everything you were having issues with (even if emotional, you still told him, which is good!) and his response was to turn to name calling and vagueposting on Twitter? That does not point to a communication problem on your end.

At the end of the day, I do think it's best to block him and move on. What do you get out of that relationship? I know it's hard to know people are upset with you, but given what you told me I think you both need space from each other.

Best of luck to you anon ❤

[nsaint1]

How can I overcome the guilt of being a bad communicator when im angry? I’ve been told I come off passive aggressive. im just in my head a lot and thinking of a respectful way to react. Other people view it as childish for not communicating my feelings instantly. Its hard for me to know what im feeling and why and i just feel like thats for me to figure out BEFORE I bring an issue to someone. For context i met this guy and I feel like we both moved too fast out of lust. He was going through alot (idk why i always attract ppl at this stage in their life) He lost a family member, and just got out of a relationship. He said the relationship was dead long before it was over but he was still working through things within himself because of it. He said he still felt emotionally available, but i’m realizing now when he still had a lot to work on he was removing the romance aspect of that.. which i didnt understand at the time and asked twice because I felt confused. So I let him know I dont want anything casual/FWB, and he said he didnt either. We’d hang out and he’d be like “we’re on a date” and it felt manipulative once I really started to think about it. Why use that language if we arent actually building on something? After we were intimate with eachother he said “i wouldnt fall in love with me right now. I just dont have the capacity to receive/give love romantically how i normally would” i didnt say anything then because he was being honest and vulnerable but it hurt. I felt manipulated. Probably manipulated myself into thinking something good could come from this. I dont have many experiences with good/honest men. Even though that is the bare minimum.. I wanted to hold on because i felt like i deserved to be loved, but also recognized he cant.. and i just feel like he had just as much responsibility to leave me alone knowing that. I’m also holding myself accountable because so did I. I left something at his house and went to go get it. I was so passive aggressive, told him nothing was wrong, tried to walk away from him after getting my stuff. I thought it would be best to just ghost him. I already caught feelings and it’d hurt too much if he chose to gaslight me to my face. I didnt want to break down in front of him. He called me once i got to my car and cursed at me.. i was so triggered i brought everything i was feeling to his attention in an accusatory way and i feel so much guilt because i feel like maybe if i wasnt so emotional about the situation he would’ve heard me out. I just felt like he could’ve been more sensitive and understanding to how i reacted especially because I previously explained i’ve been through emotionally/sexual abuse. He called me selfish, told me we’re done and its all my fault, and didn’t even acknowledge my explanation for reacting that way. I apologized a few days later once I cooled off but he ignored it, told me if i had more grace he’d have more empathy..and blocked me. Then he went on twitter ranting about “weird women” and it hurt. He knew i would see it. I dont think i’d ever rekindle anything with him. Im not sure if i dodged a bullet or let my anxiety get the best of me. I’m dealing with a lot of guilt for how it ended even though i tried to rectify things, and I think we both could’ve handled eachother better or maybe i am selfish..? Regardless how can I move on from the guilt of how it ended and him in general? Should I block him back?

Hey ♡

anyone cursing at you is a MAJOR red flag. A man who cares about you is going to be patient even when he does not want to be. I almost got dragged into a similar situation like this literally last week. Please assess the situation! If a man just got out of a relationship, they are most likely not going to be looking for anyone serious. They are just looking for someone that they can freely use their body (that is what it is). They will try to lie and manipulate you so that you won't say no or get involved and it is too late.

I was going on a rant about this literally two days ago. These grown men act like they can't communicate and say what they want because they want to try to take advantage, it's pathetic and sad. He manipulated you and decided not to be upfront. "Going through stuff" does not give someone the excuse to treat other people like trash and lie. Nonetheless, It happened and now it's time to move on. At least you know that is not what you want for yourself.

To answer your questions no, you are not being selfish, you don't owe him anything, he misused your trust. There is nothing you can really do with moving on from this, just know that time heals, and every day you will start to care less. If I were you I would block him back like yesterday.

[writethatdown]

How can I overcome the guilt of being a bad communicator when im angry? I’ve been told I come off passive aggressive. im just in my head a lot and thinking of a respectful way to react. Other people view it as childish for not communicating my feelings instantly. Its hard for me to know what im feeling and why and i just feel like thats for me to figure out BEFORE I bring an issue to someone. For context i met this guy and I feel like we both moved too fast out of lust. He was going through alot (idk why i always attract ppl at this stage in their life) He lost a family member, and just got out of a relationship. He said the relationship was dead long before it was over but he was still working through things within himself because of it. He said he still felt emotionally available, but i’m realizing now when he still had a lot to work on he was removing the romance aspect of that.. which i didnt understand at the time and asked twice because I felt confused. So I let him know I dont want anything casual/FWB, and he said he didnt either. We’d hang out and he’d be like “we’re on a date” and it felt manipulative once I really started to think about it. Why use that language if we arent actually building on something? After we were intimate with eachother he said “i wouldnt fall in love with me right now. I just dont have the capacity to receive/give love romantically how i normally would” i didnt say anything then because he was being honest and vulnerable but it hurt. I felt manipulated. Probably manipulated myself into thinking something good could come from this. I dont have many experiences with good/honest men. Even though that is the bare minimum.. I wanted to hold on because i felt like i deserved to be loved, but also recognized he cant.. and i just feel like he had just as much responsibility to leave me alone knowing that. I’m also holding myself accountable because so did I. I left something at his house and went to go get it. I was so passive aggressive, told him nothing was wrong, tried to walk away from him after getting my stuff. I thought it would be best to just ghost him. I already caught feelings and it’d hurt too much if he chose to gaslight me to my face. I didnt want to break down in front of him. He called me once i got to my car and cursed at me.. i was so triggered i brought everything i was feeling to his attention in an accusatory way and i feel so much guilt because i feel like maybe if i wasnt so emotional about the situation he would’ve heard me out. I just felt like he could’ve been more sensitive and understanding to how i reacted especially because I previously explained i’ve been through emotionally/sexual abuse. He called me selfish, told me we’re done and its all my fault, and didn’t even acknowledge my explanation for reacting that way. I apologized a few days later once I cooled off but he ignored it, told me if i had more grace he’d have more empathy..and blocked me. Then he went on twitter ranting about “weird women” and it hurt. He knew i would see it. I dont think i’d ever rekindle anything with him. Im not sure if i dodged a bullet or let my anxiety get the best of me. I’m dealing with a lot of guilt for how it ended even though i tried to rectify things, and I think we both could’ve handled eachother better or maybe i am selfish..? Regardless how can I move on from the guilt of how it ended and him in general? Should I block him back?

hello anon, i apologize for getting back at my asks very late. first of all a reminder that i'm in no way a professional at giving advice, this is me, as a friend voicing my opinion on your situation. i hope you heal and find clarity real soon ♡

being angry is often seen as unhealthy or bad, but it is just our emotions telling us something is unpleasant. there is nothing wrong with feeling anger. however you can always find healthy ways to direct the emotion like: workout, meditation, tapping exercises etc.

directing our anger at an external factor often leads to having a victim mentality. so focus on what you can control and cultivate patience to let time give you the clarity you crave.

communication is necessary in any human relationship. especially when you are romantically involved with a person. but remember effective communication is achieved through practice. it's very much like any other skill. for most people communication is far from their comfort zones but believe me good communication makes things a lot easier.

i hear you. it must be really hard to be in your position atm. but people are out of our area of control. so my advice for you is to stay out of anything which doesn't give you clarity. when we say what's meant to be will find you, it usually means: people. because we just can't change them for our will. we can only induce a motivation for the change.

and i want to remind you to not feel guilty for feeling a certain way, love. people make mistakes. the important part is to recognize and work on them regularly.

also, it's normal to react out of feelings, because at the end of the day we are just humans wanting to be seen and heard. so i want you to listen to yourself rn and see what you crave and the place where it's coming from. most of the time the answer lies somewhere inside us.

last but not the least, patience and time will treat you right, i promise. stay safe love. i'm sending a big hug your way ♡♡

___________________

a little life update: my offline classes at uni started and i've been stuck with this new routine with no time to invest in social apps atm. i will be answering other asks soon! hope you all have been safe!!

[depression-culture-is]

How can I overcome the guilt of being a bad communicator when im angry? I’ve been told I come off passive aggressive. im just in my head a lot and thinking of a respectful way to react. Other people view it as childish for not communicating my feelings instantly. Its hard for me to know what im feeling and why and i just feel like thats for me to figure out BEFORE I bring an issue to someone. For context i met this guy and I feel like we both moved too fast out of lust. He was going through alot (idk why i always attract ppl at this stage in their life) He lost a family member, and just got out of a relationship. He said the relationship was dead long before it was over but he was still working through things within himself because of it. He said he still felt emotionally available, but i’m realizing now when he still had a lot to work on he was removing the romance aspect of that.. which i didnt understand at the time and asked twice because I felt confused. So I let him know I dont want anything casual/FWB, and he said he didnt either. We’d hang out and he’d be like “we’re on a date” and it felt manipulative once I really started to think about it. Why use that language if we arent actually building on something? After we were intimate with eachother he said “i wouldnt fall in love with me right now. I just dont have the capacity to receive/give love romantically how i normally would” i didnt say anything then because he was being honest and vulnerable but it hurt. I felt manipulated. Probably manipulated myself into thinking something good could come from this. I dont have many experiences with good/honest men. Even though that is the bare minimum.. I wanted to hold on because i felt like i deserved to be loved, but also recognized he cant.. and i just feel like he had just as much responsibility to leave me alone knowing that. I’m also holding myself accountable because so did I. I left something at his house and went to go get it. I was so passive aggressive, told him nothing was wrong, tried to walk away from him after getting my stuff. I thought it would be best to just ghost him. I already caught feelings and it’d hurt too much if he chose to gaslight me to my face. I didnt want to break down in front of him. He called me once i got to my car and cursed at me.. i was so triggered i brought everything i was feeling to his attention in an accusatory way and i feel so much guilt because i feel like maybe if i wasnt so emotional about the situation he would’ve heard me out. I just felt like he could’ve been more sensitive and understanding to how i reacted especially because I previously explained i’ve been through emotionally/sexual abuse. He called me selfish, told me we’re done and its all my fault, and didn’t even acknowledge my explanation for reacting that way. I apologized a few days later once I cooled off but he ignored it, told me if i had more grace he’d have more empathy..and blocked me. Then he went on twitter ranting about “weird women” and it hurt. He knew i would see it. I dont think i’d ever rekindle anything with him. Im not sure if i dodged a bullet or let my anxiety get the best of me. I’m dealing with a lot of guilt for how it ended even though i tried to rectify things, and I think we both could’ve handled eachother better or maybe i am selfish..? Regardless how can I move on from the guilt of how it ended and him in general? Should I block him back?

Hi, dear. I can definitely see why you'd be upset! I honestly think you handled the situation well - you communicated your feelings with him and you apologised for your behaviour when you realised you were in the wrong, and from what I've heard, he had a lot to apologise for that he chose not to as well. It isn't your fault, so don't beat yourself up over it.

If blocking him helps you to move on, you do that. He's chosen not to forgive you, and that is completely fine as well, but it means that the chances of you having a decent relationship with him at this point are slim. There's nothing more you can do.

Sounds like he wouldn't have been the best of partners for you anyways, if I'm being honest. Regardless of your behaviour, calling you selfish for speaking up about the abuse you went through is never okay. Take your time and find someone who's going to treat you with respect at all times, even when things are hard (though that goes both ways).

That's not to say you aren't allowed to show that you're angry. It's more that you shouldn't take jabs at personal things (things they can't control) when you're upset.

When you feel yourself getting angry, particularly if you say hurtful things during those moments, take a time out, grab a drink of water and then address the issue when you're level headed again. I know this can be hard, but it truly is easier than making things worse because you've said something in the heat of the moment that you don't mean.

I don't have much advice other than that, sorry. I hope things get easier!

-Milo

[ambivalent-anarchy]

Peter Parker - SFW Alphabet

Masterlist

This is for MCU Peter (cuz some of the answers would be different if they were for others lol)

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

Peter loves affection, but he's got to work through all his nerves first. Just the idea of touching you sometimes is enough to make him start blushing and hiding into himself. But once he finally works through it, affection is always. He likes to receive it, but he LOVES to give it. He basically has all the love languages, but his major two are words of affirmation and physical touch.

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

Peter Parker is a good best friend...when he's there. He pays attention to all the little things and he always does right when it really counts. He'll geek out with you, help you no matter what, and try his best to make you happy no matter what. However if you don't know about him being Spiderman, it can be a real stress on the friendship, because he'll always seem distant. Once you know, it will be like everything falls into place. You finally understand why he does the things he does. Overall though, he's a stellar friend.

You'd probably become his friend because you sat next to each other in class, or you were already at the Avengers compound, and for whatever reason, the two of you immediately clicked.

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

PETER LOVES CUDDLES. And when Peter wants to cuddle, he wants to CUDDLE. He wants to squeeze you and never ever let go. Ngl he'll probably fall asleep while cuddling you because when he's cuddling he's in PEAK zen mode. It's probably the most relaxed that he can be.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

Yeah he definitely wants to settle down, but he's scared to. It's not that he has commitment issues, it's just that he's so afraid and aware of the dangers of being with him. But if given the chance, he'd probably settle.

He's not completely terrible at cooking, May has definitely taught him a few things. But he's no chef. Let's be real he's probably had a bunch of moments of forgetting that something was in the oven. There will be lots of disasters. When it comes to cleaning, if pressed, he will clean. But don't be surprised when every room in the house is messed up again because of things that he'll "come back for later" that he never comes back for.

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

Oh he'd hate every bit of it, he'd dread over it for days and days. If Peter were to break it off, he'd do it face to face. He'd feel so bad about it, and if you start to cry he actually might comfort you in the midst of breaking up with you.

Best outcome, it was mutual and you guys end like friends. Worst outcome, he gets cold feet and actually just leaves you a note.

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

He's surprisingly cool about commitment, given the dangers of his life. Of course, he's hesitant, but when this dude falls, he falls HARD. So hard to where he'll commit and not think twice about it.

He'd wanna get married whenever it hits him I guess. Not right away, but it's not like he'd have you waiting forever.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

Physically- As gentle as the average teenage boy I suppose lol. Well a little bonus because of how anxious he is of hurting you. 5/10

Emotionally- Peter's more anxious boi than soft crybaby. He wouldn't need comfort on everything 24/7, because he can actually handle way more than people give him credit for, but it's when he's going through something really personal or really traumatic when he needs that reassurance that everything will be alright. 6/10

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

Peter doesn't mind hugs, but he's gotta be in the mood for one to really enjoy it, otherwise he's just going through the motions with it. Like if he's in the mood his brain is "oh my gosh you're hugging me this is beautiful you've graced me with your touch you wonderful specimen" but if he's not it's just like "oh... this is unexpected." I don't think he's super into hugs because I kind of like the headcanon that he's a bit of a germaphobe but I don't think he's super against them either. He's more in the middle where if it hits him, it hits him and if it doesn't, he doesn't want them.

He gets in the mood to hug like 20 times a day. You'll be beside him doing work and like out of nowhere. BOOM. Hugged. And then he just goes back to doing whatever he's doing except now he's blushing really hard while doing it.

Peter's hugs are really soft and quick (unless he's cuddling you, then it's really long). He just wants to feel your presence until he's satisfied. He's always really warm so that's a major plus.

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

Not right away. It'll be whenever it feels right. And I picture the first l-word drop going one of three ways:

1) Quirky - you guys will be chilling/making out/watching a movie and he'll find himself feeling really sentimental and emotional for no reason and he'll just turn and be like, "hey, I love you". And it sort of catches you off-guard and he sees your expression (whatever it may be) and he immediately starts blushing and stammering and he's like "I-i mean- no I don't!..I-i mean I do!... but like- not unless you want me too! I-in fact I'll hate you if you want me-" and you have to cut him off with a kiss before he gets too wound up and you softly smile back like "I love you too, weirdo."

2) Sweet - he's thought about this for a long time (and even maybe told May and Ned about it) and he really wants to tell you but he doesn't know how and you notice that's he's been weird around you and always looks like he has something else on his mind (like more than usual) and you're getting pretty worried and after awhile you can't take it anymore and you confront him about it probably at the lunch table or in the hallways after school or at his apartment (is there some mission you don't know about? Is he breaking up with you? Is he okay?) and he's stuttering alot and he finally has to pause and compose himself before pulling you aside and softly telling you how we feels.

3) Angsty - after a particularly intense night at patrol (definitely with a casualty) he's perched on the top of a building, staring out at New York, feeling like the biggest failure alive. He's run down with guilt and the tears just won't stop. Hands shaking, he dials your number and you pick up and immediately start asking if he's okay once you hear his trembling voice. "I messed up," he mumbles before he breaks down and sobs out the entire story to you. You try your best to comfort him as best you can through the phone, trying to tell him (with no avail) that it's not his fault and that he can't save everyone. It takes a while, but he finally calms down enough to clearly take a swing, but not before he says, "look..I want you to know that I love you... and I'll do everything I can to always protect you...I promise you that...I can't lose you," he sobs. Given the situation, neither one of you really registers that this is his first time saying it, but it makes it a dozen times easier to start saying it more often from now on.

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

Peter's jealousy is probably the average amount for a guy. He doesn't do much with it though. He'll just get really quiet and maybe freak out to Ned about it later. Very subtle looks and jaw clenches but other than that, he's fine. Unless you're really attentive, you probably wouldn't notice.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

When he first started getting into the hang of first dates and stuff, his kisses were pretty fast and more like little pecks on the lips and stuff because he was always so nervous about messing up. But now that's he's gotten the hang of it, Peter's kisses (when he's not in a rush) are usually slow and sensual. He wants to do nothing but focus on you in that moment.

Well mostly on the lips of course. He'll lay his head on your shoulder alot when he's bored so every now and then when he's doing that he'll turn his head and give you a little kiss on your shoulder. If he's whispering in your ear in lunch he'll give a kiss on the cheek. Really though, once he gets the all his jitters out about it, he'll kiss you anywhere.

Peter probably likes to be kissed on the cheek and on the lips more than anywhere else

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

Peter is amazing with kids. He'll always find a way to get along with them, and they usually warm up to his easy-going nature. He's a bit of a pushover when it comes to really nice kids so they usually love him because he'll give them anything. I'm not really one of talking about having kids, but he'd be a great father in the future. (But we're not in any rush for him to do that okay😂🤭)

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

Mornings are spent, well first of all waking up (obviously), cuddling, finishing whatever movie you were watching the night before, Peter probably rambling a bunch about whatever he finds himself wondering about, playing video games, and basically just relaxing before May tells you it's time for school.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

Nights are spent goofing around with Peter and Ned at Peter's home or chilling with Peter which can literally be doing just about anything (making out, relaxing, deep talks, watching movies, doing homework, etc.). You can do practically anything with this guy.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

Peter isn't the best about opening up, not because he wants to hide things, but because he isn't on the same wavelength as everyone else when it comes to "important" things to share. Like out of nowhere he'll find himself telling you something and you'll be like "woah I wish I you would've told me that earlier" and he'll just shrug and be like "oh I didn't know that was really important enough to tell". He doesn't tell anything slower or faster it's more like whenever it's on his mind or convenient for him to tell.

But for the most part, if you're important enough for you to know he's spiderman secret, he'll tell you pretty much anything.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

Not easily angered at all. If anything he's more easily confused then angered. Like if you were trying to make him angry, he'd be more "why are you doing this🥺🤨?!" than "why are you doing this😡?!"

He'd only get angry easily if he'd been going through alot and a bunch of things have been building up, other than that, normally he's a pretty chill guy when it comes to losing his temper.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

Oh he remembers practically everything you tell him. Even crap that you've probably forgotten about yourself, he knows. He notices every tiny thing, though he forgets the big stuff sometimes.

Ex: one day May asks him what he wants her to buy at the supermarket for breakfast and he says poptarts because he remembers that you like poptarts from that one time you briefly mentioned how much you liked them and he gets the kind that you like even though he doesn't really like it so that on the days you come over to his house you'll have something to eat...but like legit that same day he forgets that it's your anniversary😬

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

He has many favorite moments, one of them being your first date. He was so nervous, and he showed up late, and he'd regretted letting May choose his outfit, and he hated himself for not choosing the restaurant because it'd show that he wasn't assertive enough, and he was pretty sure he stepped in dog crap while he was running to the restaurant and he just knew that he was the worst date ever until finally he got there and you were totally just fine about it. You told him to relax and that everything was fine and you were just glad to have him there, which in turn made him relax. He looked into your eyes and knew there was absolutely nothing to worry about and he had an amazing time.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

He's protective, but not suffocating. Like if he sees something happening to you from afar, he's not gonna step in unless you make it clear that you want him to. For the most part, he'll let you handle things yourself.

Peter's more like a "protect you from the unknown" kind of guy. He's gonna protect you from threats that you don't know are there, and that are probably much bigger than the two of you. Things like death or heartbreak. He'll probably break up with you to "protect" you, which, let's be honest, is complete stupid, albeit noble. Overall, he'll do anything in his power to keep you happy.

Peter doesn't really need protection more so... comfort. He knows the world he lives in. He can defend himself and all that, but at the end of the day, he just wants someone to tell him that everything's gonna be okay🥺

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

With Peter it's either extremely last minute but a little thoughtful (because he probably forgot) or extremely thought through with unbelievable effort. No in between. Truly a go big or go home type deal. Like for your birthday he's either getting you something he's researched on for months that he knew you'd love or you're getting a card that he bought from a Walmart on the way to school with a sloppily written love letter inside that he came up with off the top of his head. At the end of the day it's the thought that counts when it comes to Peter.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

He thinks literally everything is his fault🙄. If something bad happens, and he feels that he could've done even the slightest thing to change it, he's gonna beat himself up about it no matter what what you try to say.

Also he's a really busy guy. So if you're one of those girls that needs to be kept or need your boyfriend there all hours of the day, Peter's probably not for you.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

Not too concerned. Like of course he wants to look good or cool or whatever, but he's also learned to be pretty comfortable with himself (at least as far as looks go). He gets pretty insecure sometimes but for the most part he's okay with his looks. He'll totally do himself up if he's trying to impress someone though.

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

Depends on how close you've become. If he only liked you, he'll be okay. If he loved you, yeah, he'll feel incomplete without you. But only if you break up or if you're hurt or lost or something. If the two of you just haven't seen each other for a while he'll be fine. He's not that sentimental.

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

Peter has a skirt kink. Skirts. They make him weak. He found this out about himself when he started dating Gwen Stacy. He will practically break his neck to see you in a skirt.

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

Someone who has extremely poor hygiene. Peter's not the best at hygiene. He's definitely skipped brushing his teeth from time to time, but someone who's a complete slob? It'll just make him feel bad for you. It's a turn off for him. You won't get his affection but you will get his pity.

Someone obnoxious or aggressive. Peter, although anxious, is overall a pretty chill guy. If someone was just on 100 every time he saw them, ngl they'd probably weird him out. Like of course he wants someone with their own personality, but he wants someone with a level of coolness and obnoxious and aggressive people just aren't cool.

Z = Zzz (What are some sleep habits of theirs?)

Peter wants to hold something when he sleeps. When he was little, he used to sleep with a stuffed animal, and once he got older he broke out of it. But when he slept with you for the first time (sexually/nonsexually, doesn't matter) all that came rushing back. He'll hold you tightly in his sleep and won't let go unless you make him.

Hope you liked it!!😁😁😁

Tagging mutuals: @allegra-writes, @angelsparkers, @hey-its-grey, @spideyyeet, @sunkissedspidey, @underoosjae, @chaoticpete, @spidey-reids-2003, @thesherlockianavenger, @bubblebucky

[dracoswolfbloodclan]

How can I overcome the guilt of being a bad communicator when im angry? I’ve been told I come off passive aggressive. im just in my head a lot and thinking of a respectful way to react. Other people view it as childish for not communicating my feelings instantly. Its hard for me to know what im feeling and why and i just feel like thats for me to figure out BEFORE I bring an issue to someone. For context i met this guy and I feel like we both moved too fast out of lust. He was going through alot (idk why i always attract ppl at this stage in their life) He lost a family member, and just got out of a relationship. He said the relationship was dead long before it was over but he was still working through things within himself because of it. He said he still felt emotionally available, but i’m realizing now when he still had a lot to work on he was removing the romance aspect of that.. which i didnt understand at the time and asked twice because I felt confused. So I let him know I dont want anything casual/FWB, and he said he didnt either. We’d hang out and he’d be like “we’re on a date” and it felt manipulative once I really started to think about it. Why use that language if we arent actually building on something? After we were intimate with eachother he said “i wouldnt fall in love with me right now. I just dont have the capacity to receive/give love romantically how i normally would” i didnt say anything then because he was being honest and vulnerable but it hurt. I felt manipulated. Probably manipulated myself into thinking something good could come from this. I dont have many experiences with good/honest men. Even though that is the bare minimum.. I wanted to hold on because i felt like i deserved to be loved, but also recognized he cant.. and i just feel like he had just as much responsibility to leave me alone knowing that. I’m also holding myself accountable because so did I. I left something at his house and went to go get it. I was so passive aggressive, told him nothing was wrong, tried to walk away from him after getting my stuff. I thought it would be best to just ghost him. I already caught feelings and it’d hurt too much if he chose to gaslight me to my face. I didnt want to break down in front of him. He called me once i got to my car and cursed at me.. i was so triggered i brought everything i was feeling to his attention in an accusatory way and i feel so much guilt because i feel like maybe if i wasnt so emotional about the situation he would’ve heard me out. I just felt like he could’ve been more sensitive and understanding to how i reacted especially because I previously explained i’ve been through emotionally/sexual abuse. He called me selfish, told me we’re done and its all my fault, and didn’t even acknowledge my explanation for reacting that way. I apologized a few days later once I cooled off but he ignored it, told me if i had more grace he’d have more empathy..and blocked me. Then he went on twitter ranting about “weird women” and it hurt. He knew i would see it. I dont think i’d ever rekindle anything with him. Im not sure if i dodged a bullet or let my anxiety get the best of me. I’m dealing with a lot of guilt for how it ended even though i tried to rectify things, and I think we both could’ve handled eachother better or maybe i am selfish..? Regardless how can I move on from the guilt of how it ended and him in general? Should I block him back?

Honestly it sounds like he was gaslighting you, you do deserve to be loved and I would want to get a restraining order against him and block him everywhere, but the first option can be pretty expensive depending upon your general location (i.e country, state, province) or laws. But definitely block, he's not worth the time and effort you deserve so much more better than him. Plus, what he was/ is personally going through doesn't give him a "I can do what I want and stay out of jail for free card", he deserves to be held accountable for his own actions.

I am also very guilty of being a horrible communicator when I'm angry as well. For the past few months or so, maybe for the first half of this year, I would work on breathing exercises for me to calm down or I would put music on until I calmed down enough to detect the source of my anger and then try to talk about it with the person. Eventually once I calmed down enough I apologised to the people who were affected and everything was chill. As for the guilt part, I would usually send them something related to what the person in question liked (like marvel fanarts or minecart "hacks") and then we'd go on from there. Personally when I do feel extremely guilty I have hard time with overdoing my apologies and I will never stop apologizing until they tell me to stop. (Also sorry if this fragment wasn't very helpful I got a little distracted while typing this-)

But yeah you definitely dodged a bullet with this one. You aren't selfish, I would like to recommend maybe picking up a time consuming hobby or exploring a newer side of music, like writing or songwriting. Honestly if some men are going to act like toddlers then they deserve to be treated as such, and that's insulting to every toddler ever.

Translation: He's an asshole, block him back ma'am.

[ashisbaeee]

Sorry ahead of time for the request being too long but could you do a blurb where the reader (who is not famous) is dating tom secretly but the rumors of him and Zendaya are too much so they break up, and in one interview when the interviewer asks about Tomdaya Tom just blows up and basically exposed he was dating the reader. And could it end it in fluff because I could really use some happy endings right now.

A/N: sis, at the rate of how much of angst I’ve managed to put out, I don’t think this is normal at all, haha. definitely needed to have some balance y’know? Here ya go, I truly hope you like it :) thanks for your request! 

after all these angtsy fics, I needed some fluff in my life.  

1.5k of angst turned fluff.. my heart😩

___________________________

You’ve been dating Tom for about 10 months, no one knew except your families and really close friends(really like your 2 best friends and his best friends Haz and Tuwaine as well as Z and Jacob. You wanted to keep it as private as much as possible. Afraid of the possible backlash from the “fans” and media. 

With promotion of Far From Home, fans and people alike were really interested to see PeterMJ love story. And the promos didn’t help in the slightest. Everyone and their mothers wanted to see the ever so awkward but yet so beautifully portrayed high school relationship. Doing press tours were an added stress. All the interviewers were interested about PeterMJ and how filming went, with the occasional how’s working with Jake Gyllenhaal questions. Every interview had been cut out and edited so that it focused solely on Tom and Zendaya. Completely disregarding Jacob and Jake. Causing a rise in Tomdaya fans and countless pages on Twitter, Instagram, and Tumblr about their supposed relationship.  Even leading to a rapper to create a song about their relationship.  An attempt to “shoot his shot” with the ever so beautiful Zendaya. If you were being completely honest, it kind of bothered you a bit, but there was literally nothing you could do about it. If you and you alone came out about the relationship, who was going to believe you? They would probably think you were just a huge fan of his who had some grandiose ideations of dating the Hollywood star. 

Tom knew that it had bothered you, hell, it bothered him to no end too. It was moments like those that made him really wish that you both were public. But out of respect for you, and most importantly for your safety, he opted to remain mum. He didn’t want you to receive any hate, knowing how people can be online. Saying mean things behind a phone or computer screen. Not that he’d pay any mind to those words anyway. But you, you weren’t accustomed to this. He did this to protect you. He knew you knew how he feels about you and vice versa and that was all that mattered.

It all became too much for you. Too unbearable to handle. You weren’t as happy as you once were. All of the clips and edits of every press interview they’ve ever had, the constant “updates” on Tomdaya and how almost every interview shoved the idea of bringing PeterMJ to real life. Wishing that Tomdaya would be an actual thing. It all became unbearable. There was only so much your heart could handle. His constant words of reassurance, Z saying that she would never do such a thing, calling Tom her annoying brother as well as reassurances from Jacob and Jake seemed to fall on deaf ears. Nothing they were saying was making you feel better. It got to the point of being a bit much, becoming insufferable, really. So you did what anyone in your situation would do, you decided to break things off with him. 

That was mentally, physically and emotionally agonizing. You both cried so hard, you both know  that this secret relationship was greatly affecting you both. It was like both of your worst fears were becoming reality-an absolute nightmare, really. 

It’s been about 2 weeks since that fateful day. And those 15 days have been an absolute hell. With the release of the movie underway, there were even more stans. Talking about every detail of their supposed relationship, going back as far as Homecoming. Everywhere you went, wherever you looked that was all you saw; PeterMJ, Tomdaya. If you hadn’t known any better, you started to believe it too. 

Although you’ve broken up, you still watched their interviews. This was one of their last interviews for the press tour. And if you were being brutally honest, you could tell this break up was greatly affecting him. You didn’t have to have Haz, Z, Jacob and Jake text you to know how the young lad was doing. Because truthfully, you were feeling the exact same way. 

You took in his gaunt appearance, he noticed his change in attitude; no longer being his fun, bubbly and free spirited self. They all kept you up to date with him and how he was doing as well as checking in on you. 

You sat quietly as the interview began. After the quick hello’s, how are you’s, and thank you for coming, they began the interview. 

After asking about how the cast felt about working with Jake and out of all the places they’ve filmed and seeing where their favorites spots were came the inevitable topic. As soon as she had started, you noticed that they all had rolled their eyes. If they had rolled them any harder, you could’ve sworn they’d stay like that.

“So Tom, Zendaya, as you both are aware, there are many people, myself included that want to know, is PeterMJ from Far From Home occuring in real life as well?  Your relationship has gained quite the following. You know, I have to say, that your fans are right, you’d both make a lovely couple! I can hear the wedding bells ringing.” she spoke, ending her question err, rather statement with a chuckle. 

He was furious. 

“What the fuck? Are you serious right now? I just don’t get it. We’ve answered this particular question numerous times, and I don’t know how you think that answer will change otherwise but this is the absolute last time I am going to say this. We are not, have not, will not ever be in a relationship so you should let that dream die. We are friends, best friends and it is beyond disrespectful for you all to keep making these statements. If we were indeed in a relationship, why the hell would we say otherwise that we aren’t? Wouldn’t you think we’d share that with you guys? We didn’t share anything because there is nothing! We are friends and nothing more. All of your assumptions and stupid theories of us being together has pushed me to lose the love of my life. I was in a happy relationship with the most amazing girl that ever graced this earth. But due to all of this, it caused her to break up with me. Her name was Y/N, and we dated for 10 months, by far the best 10 months of my life. We’ve kept it quiet because I know how ruthless you people can be. I chose to keep it quiet for her sake. But that was stupid on my part. I shouldn’t have been afraid to tell you guys all about her, we were going to receive hate regardless; everyone voicing their opinions. I knew it bothered her but I thought by keeping it quiet, I was keeping her safe. And that isn’t the case. Y/N, darling, wherever you are, I hope you hear this, I-I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. As you can see, I’m an absolute mess without you darling. I need you and I miss you dearly” he cried, not caring about how he looked at that moment. 

He took off his microphone and placed it on his seat as he walked passed the interviewer and out of the room. The three stunned at what occurred. 

He ran into his dressing room and pulled out his phone. Instinctively, his thumb landed on your number. Without second guessing, he touched the screen. He was now calling you. 

After a few rings, you answered. 

“Hello, Y/N, darling. It-it’s me, Tom. I-I just needed to hear your voice. I’m so sorry about everything. I-”

“Hi Tom. I just watched the interview, uh, thank you for that. You really didn’t have to say all those things y’know”

“But I did.  I said all that because it’s true. I had to set her in place. I’m so sick and tired of all these people assuming I’m dating my best friend and costar. Like that shit got annoying real quick. But you know, I had to be polite and whatever. But not anymore. Listen, I know this was not how we had planned things to go, but the world knows of who you are now. And I’m glad that that’s finally out. It means that I get to hang out with you and we can do whatever we want and not give a damn about what others think. I know you know that my feelings for you are real and true and I know you feel the same. I love you and I miss you immensely. So uh, so uh, can we please be boyfriend and girlfriend again?” he asked nervously. 

A laugh managed to escape your mouth, laughing at his awkwardness after being so bold. 

“Of course, we can. I wouldn’t want nothing less than that. I missed you too. Hurry back so I can hug you and love you even more, as if that is even possible.”

He let out a chuckle before replying “I’ll be on the next available flight home. So I’ll see you real soon. I love you darling, so very much”

“I love you too, Tom. Always” 

[makeste]

more essaying about AFO and whether or not he’s the final villain

so @thequietmanno1 , I finally have some time to sit down and answer your asks so let’s get to it lol. I’ll start with the most recent one.

Gonna put my hat in the ring with you and @addermoray about AFO. I agree that currently he intends to turn everything over to Tomura. That was a good point about his little private insight into what makes a good teacher and how it reflected on his intentions going forward with his student. It makes sense for a successful villain like AFO to have the kind of personality and quick judgement to know when to fold em, or change the game up if your current hand won’t get you a satisfactory result. He’s has literal generations to learn how to be an effective evil overlord, so he must be used to playing a mean game of Xanatos speed chess depending on the situation so he always walks away with an advantage.

Switching from raising Tomura to be his loyal tyke bomb to being his own independent villain and leader may explain why Tomura’s development seemed so incomplete in his first appearance. I know that he needed to experience defeat to begin maturing into someone more competent and capable of handling himself, but at the same time, his attitude during the USJ invasion seemed a little too immature for someone his age- like he wasn’t exactly on the same emotional maturity level his body and mind were at after AFO had finished giving him basic training to prepare him. I guess AFO losing his head and not being able to push Tomura’s development forward in a new direction means Tomura got stuck emotionally for a few years whilst his master semi-recovered, not helped by the fact that AFO’s previous grooming attempts were intentionally preventing him from dealing with the emotional scars of his familial massacre. So he kinda stagnated for a bit until All Might and Deku knocked him off his high horse.

(you know what, I’m gonna put the rest of this under a cut; it’s a very long post lol)

After AFO realised he’d basically permanently lost his dream to take over the world, I can totally see him reacting to that in a very thought-out and methodical - but still very immature - way, not unlike the tantrums his pupil used to pull. Destroying the whole board so it’ll end on his terms. I don’t know if he planned for Tomura’s vision of the future to be one where you can rebuild society however you want and the survivors will be free to act how they please, or if he wanted Tomura to turn Japan into a living hellhole for everyone until there’s nothing left for anyone to work with, both heroes and villains. It could be both, frankly; given his adaptability levels I mentioned earlier, he could be fine with either outcome, so long as the society All Might created is destroyed in the process. In any regard, it’s quite likely that he planned the whole situation under the assumption that he’s going to kick the bucket at some point before he got thrown into Tartarus. But if he learns about Eri’s rewind quirk, I think that’ll prompt another change in priorities for him- though obviously that won’t happen until he’s outside.

I’m not sure if Tomura will kill him himself, unless there’s a drastic change in priorities. Like addermoray said, even if he did give Tomura his quirk, he’d still be grateful for it after his recent liberation, so he won’t kill him for his family’s deaths and whilst AFO still has such a highly useful quirk to pass onto him. His dialogue very much stated that was the eventual plan, so AFO is probably safeish until then. Besides, in either scenario, Tomura feels indebted to AFO for being the only one who noticed him and ‘saved’ him from his abused and ignored lifestyle. Really, I think, if anything, AFO would probably set himself up to kill or be killed by Deku in a final confrontation to further motivate Tomura to become the new Symbol of Chaos and focus his efforts on destroying Deku’s fledgling Symbol. See, going forward, I very much see AFO getting out of prison, but then choosing to leave Tomura running the organisation he’s built up in his absence- which won’t require any management from AFO himself anyway- and focus all his effort on analysing and psychologically manipulating Deku from behind Tomura’s back whilst the latter is focused on his current campaign of societal collapse, like the Joker focusing on breaking Batman’s spirit.

See, the thing I think a lot of people miss about Deku is that he is by far the youngest inheritor of OFA so far. I mean it seems obvious given his age and inexperience with the power that is way beyond what his predecessors had to deal with, but in All Might’s flashback to what I presume is his first meeting with Nana and his own Origin story, it looked like teen Might was a few years older than Deku at the time, and that was before he had to be trained to handle the power. We know that at the very least, he had the quirk and was doing heroics against AFO by 18, but you’ve got to remember that AFO being on the scene and in his prime meant Yagi’s era was more chaotic and dangerous for everyone than Deku’s is, so it’s likely that Yagi was already more prepared for the combative lifestyle that Deku was, even with the fact that he inherited OFA a few years later than him and having had time to sort out his resolution with the power. As opposed to Deku, who basically wanted to be All Might and spent a lot of time getting that hammered out of his skull, and has had issues with sorting out what kind of hero he’s supposed to become through his own merits, given his vague terms of describing his ambition.

Whilst it’s not determined when everyone got the power, we know that the First Wielder was an adult when it first manifested, and given the ages of the other generations that we’ve seen, I think it was implied that they were all chosen after they’d proved themselves capable of using the power against AFO, meaning they all had various heroic and emotional experience before getting OFA. Actually, I’m not certain, but I think it’s implied that Yagi was the youngest chosen before Deku, which, given his quirklessness and youth, makes it more poetic that he was ultimately the one to take him down twice.

That said, Deku is clearly not as prepared for going up against someone like AFO as the other Wielders were, either physically or mentally. All Might ushering an era of peace means that Deku doesn’t have nearly the same level of experience the others did by his age, and his whole 100% power/7 quirks thing is further complications in him becoming a new symbol asap. One aspect of this was time- All Might’s wounds and weakening health were pressuring him to find a successor more than AFO, who already had a handy-dandy prepped tyke-bomb in Tomura available- the perks of planning ahead. So when All Might Found Deku, it was a snap decision, and one he feels justified in, but it also meant Deku was rushed through the basic requirements of being able to Hold OFA without being prepared to actually ���use’ it. His first smash came whilst he was under fire in the middle of a high-level exam for Christ’s sake, and All Might getting his own teacher taken away from him when he was still in school means he’s never been taught by someone else on how to be a good teacher, or how to recognise when he’s being a bad teacher. Not to mention the whole natural genius thing.

Point is, I don’t think any of the other Wielders made their choices so soon after meeting them, and probably not before they’d given them some advanced preparations for passing the power on to someone who was ready and capable of using it for a good cause. Adding to that, AFO’s got an unexpected advantage over Deku compared to the others- he knows who he is and where to find him. I think it’s heavily implied that past the first wielder, the others had to raise their successors in secret once they’d outed themselves to AFO as the next wielders, so he couldn’t pre-emptively cut the chain of succession, since if AFO knew who the next person was, he’d have ended them before they got a handle on their new power. Being in a more chaotic age- and the implication that they were older and more independent than Deku- meant the successors were capable of avoiding AFO’s gaze when needed, so they made up for their lack of All Might strength with subterfuge and tactical thinking whilst the power grew. Heck, All Might himself had to leave Japan for America so he’d be capable of handling himself and his abilities to the fullest when he returned. Deku doesn’t have that advantage- he’s in a school, with close friends and family, all of whom AFO can use to force him to fight him if needed. But I see him taking his time with this. Deku’s an unknown variable to AFO- he didn’t know about him till the USJ attack was finished, and after that the ball was already rolling on his incarceration scheme, so he didn’t make any moves. But once he’s out, I forsee him using his new lease on life to learn all about the new OFA holder and what makes him tick, as well as subtly messing with him in indirect means.

Given his declining health, and based on the fact he doesn’t seem like the kind of guy to waste away in a medical bed, I totally believe there’s going to be a showdown between them at some point, with AFO banking on either killing Deku and ending OFA for good, or further motivating Shigaraki if he falls. Granted, Eri’s quirk may change his mind on this, but again, AFO’s adaptable- I can totally see him having thought that outcome up after learning about Deku, and considering it a good way to go out. Regarding that Showdown, whether in his prime or at the end of his currant lifespan, I totally believe that’s when AFO would bring up any revelations about Tomura’s fall from grace. Like Addermoray said, it wouldn’t affect Shigaraki anymore- but it would affect the previous wielders through Deku, specifically Nana. I can totally see AFO using that family drama and revelations against his deceased nemeses by emotionally compromising Nana, and through that, perhaps disrupting whatever “avatar state” setup Deku goes into when he converses with them before getting down to brass tacks with him whilst he can’t contact them for advice.

In any regard, AFO’s definitely gonna be focused solely on Deku when he gets out- he’s totally done with All Might, having done everything he could to undermine him as a heroic symbol of peace before he was taken out. And leaving him to rot, powerless to help in the rising chaotic times, would be sweet revenge for him, forcing All Might into a similar position he himself was in. Shigaraki will be running whatever Empire he’s building just fine without AFO, and even if he intends to replace him eventually, AFO will probably consider Deku the more pressing engagement now that he’s got some room to think and work on his own terms. Running an evil empire is probably very taxing work, and very time consuming, which is probably why he didn’t take the OFA wielders as seriously as he should have until All Might’s time. So now he’ll be free to relax and get to know Deku before he attempts to utterly break him. Whichever way that turns out, I do think there will be some genuine Villain respect on his behalf towards Deku- there’s a lot of points those two have in common, so I think he’ll see a little of himself and his brother in this newest successor.

--- 

okay, a lot of different points here, so I’ll try to break them down and address them one by one. these aren’t necessarily in order either:

(1) good points about AFO probably shifting gears on Tomura after receiving his injury. clearly that would have thrown a wrench into his plans, regardless of what said plans actually were.

(2) about Deku being the youngest inheritor of OFA “by far” -- I have doubts that this is the case. young Toshinori was wearing a middle school uniform in the anime flashback when he spoke with Nana about wanting to become society’s pillar, so that would put him at the same age Deku was in chapter one, if not younger. moreover, you have to consider that young All Might was very much in the same boat Deku was as far as wanting to attend U.A. despite being quirkless. so it’s very likely that Nana pulled something similar to what he himself later did with Deku. otherwise it’s hard to envision how he could have passed the U.A. entrance exam. so I’d say chances are good All Might was the same age as Deku was when he inherited OFA, if not younger.

(3) I think Deku is actually more prepared than the other wielders in some ways, even as he lags behind in others. consider, first of all, the fact that he managed to pull off something none of the other wielders even knew about, much less came close to achieving, with the SIXQUIRKS. so there’s that. and then the other advantage that I think he has over the past wielders is that the other OFA users appear to have been loners, by and large. most likely for the reasons you laid out -- they had to lie low so as to prevent AFO -- who at the time was at his full power -- from taking them out, along with their loved ones. by contrast, Deku is exposed, so in that regard he’s much more vulnerable. but he also has a great advantage that none of the other wielders so far have had -- he’s not alone. it’s not just the bad guy who knows his secret. his teacher knows. his rival knows. he’s not fighting this battle alone. and that’s going to be critical moving forward. AFO may find it more difficult to break him than he anticipates. and frankly, his emotional naivete may prove to be as much of an advantage as it is a weakness, if not more so. he has resilience and optimism and those are critical strengths.

(4) I think we have different ideas as far as Horikoshi’s endgame plans for the series. the main thing I keep coming back to is Horikoshi’s pacing. this is a remarkably fast-paced story as far as the shounen genre typically goes. the one time he intentionally dragged an arc out, (a) he got bored his own damn self, and (b) despite his best efforts he couldn’t make it longer than 40 chapters. compare that to your average arc in Naruto or One Piece. compare that to fucking Dressrosa arc, or the damn Soul Society arc in Bleach. my point is, Horikoshi knows how to be concise. and a key thing is that he’s said in interviews that he doesn’t intend for the story to drag out forever. he’s a perfectionist, and he knows he doesn’t have infinite energy or infinite ideas, and I think he’d like to end things while he’s still on top. he also knows how he wants to end the story, and he’s mindful of making sure he’s constantly driving the plot forward. in this interview, he mentions he originally wanted the story to end around volume 30 (we’re currently in what will become volume 25), but he’s acknowledged he’s still got a lot of stuff he needs to set up, so the original target is clearly way off. but still, I think it’s a safe bet this series won’t be dragged out as long as others.

so that being said, when we consider future developments in the story, I think we need to take into account how much time there is left in the story. there isn’t time for characters to be slow and crafty in their schemes. we’re at a point where just about all the pieces needed for endgame have to be in place already, or at least established. we can’t expect new plot twists to keep being introduced. so while I like the idea of AFO playing the long game when it comes to Deku, I’m not sure how likely that actually is to happen. proper mind fuckery takes some time to pull off. I think it’s more likely we’ll see an accelerated version of that, if anything, with their relationship being crafted in the span of just one or two arcs rather than it being a more drawn out thing.

(5) so basically, here’s a quick rundown of where I personally see the story going 

Tomura completes his Rise to Power and starts to make good on his vow to end the world

the pros and police struggle and take heavy losses in several high-profile incidents, resulting in further instability to a society already beginning to show its cracks. things begin to look kind of bleak

Deku -- now under intense pressure to unlock the rest of his new powers as quickly as possible -- is of course somehow intricately tied to every single one of these incidents, and continues to grow stronger while somehow escaping through the skin of his teeth

rinse and repeat as things build to a head

AFO breaks out of prison and joins the League in an attack on U.A.

he steals Eri’s quirk and is restored to power. meanwhile, Tomura kills All Might, but also learns of AFO’s manipulations in the process. he has conflicted feelings about this

Deku meets the Obi-Wanned All Might in the Avatar State, and unlocks the rest of his powers, preparing for the final showdown

there is a final showdown. it’s fucking epic. in the end Tomura delivers the killing blow to AFO in a move that surprises him as much as anyone

that’s the cliff notes version, more or less. pretty straightforward, but I think the purpose of a story shouldn’t be to surprise and shock so much as it should be to move and excite and thrill the audience, and reward them for their investment in the story and the characters. and this is a classic hero’s journey outline, and it’s a classic for a reason.

anyway, to bring this all back around on track and conclude things, the story could probably work both ways -- with either Tomura as the final villain, or AFO. but based on the pieces we have so far, I think AFO being the final villain is the more logical and satisfying story. and I just really like the thought of him being done in by all these pawns he overlooked and underestimated. Deku, who barely seems to be an afterthought in his planning thus far; and Tomura, whom he’s manipulated to be this devastating agent of chaos and destruction, but whom he arrogantly continues to think of as being his. if he dies in prison, and Tomura does become the final villain, and is only redeemed at the end of the story, when he either dies or goes into exile or whatever -- that’s not satisfying. it disregards all of the worldbuilding being done to explore the mythology of OFA and AFO. it leaves us frustrated as we’re forced to side against a villain we now empathize with. it’s too fucking dark. so for now I’ll continue to root for AFO being the final villain. because it’s something I want, just as much as it is something I think things are leaning toward.

[alj4890]

Chapter 34 Information

The Royal Romance Fan Fiction (Liam x MC*Riley) (Maxwell x OC*Amanda) (Drake x Olivia) (Hana x Rashad)

These characters are from the amazing writers of Pixelberry's Choices stories: The Royal Romance and Red Carpet Diaries. The only character of my own is Duchess Amanda Bridgerton of House St Orella. 

Masterlist for The Other Friend TRR

Chapter 34 summary: On the train ride to Paris, Bastien has some information to share about Savannah. Plans are made.

Chapter 34

Bastien made his way to meet with King Liam. He was not looking forward to this conversation. The investigation had become personal and he was having a hard time separating emotion from doing his duty.

Bastien had been one of the youngest recruits to become a member of the king's guard. He thought it would be years of working for minor nobles before having the opportunity to work directly for the royal family. It was an honor given due to how well he had performed in the academy. He had also impressed an agent of the King's guard. Agent Jack Walker interviewed him for the position. After looking at his file and hearing his opinion and plans for handling possible threats and situations, Jack knew he should be a part of their security team.

Jack took the young Bastien as his protege. Not only did he guide him into ending up as the best agent of the king's guard, he also included him in his family. Bastien became an honorary uncle to Jack's two children, Drake and Savannah. Bastien developed quite an attachment to the Walker family. He had never been close to his own and he loved the moments he spent with the Walkers.

When Jack died during an assassination attempt on the royal family, Bastien tried to be there for Drake and Savannah. His own heart was broken. He had lost a man that was a big brother to him, his mentor. He owed him everything.

When Constantine had requested he look into Savannah's whereabouts, he was surprised. Why would the king want to know where a commoner had gone? He understood Liam wanting to know. Drake was one of his best friends. Now he was angry at himself. He had not paid as close attention to the information he had gathered, trusting that the man he served would handle everything.

He would not allow something like that to happen again. He knew Liam would be a different ruler from his father, but absolute power could still corrupt absolutely. He would do the right thing by Jack's daughter and make sure she had a home.

During his interrogation with Bertrand, it had taken all his training to keep from smashing the duke's head into the table. They had to find Savannah. She needed help and support now more than ever.

He took a deep breath and knocked on Liam's door. He entered and saw that Drake and Maxwell had arrived before him. Each had a look of expectation and hope on their face.

"Your Majesty, your grace, Drake, I have news concerning Savannah's disapperance."

Liam motioned to a chair, "Please, sit and tell us what you have learned."

Bastien sat down and cast an anxious glance at Maxwell. "I spoke to Duke Bertrand about his meeting with Savannah. He..."Bastien paused, swallowing uncomfortably.

Drake couldn't take it anymore. "He what?! Bastien, please just tell us what you learned."

Bastien looked at Maxwell. "Your grace, I'm afraid your brother was rather...harsh with his treatment of Savannah."

Maxwell paled. His hands gripped the arms of the chair he was in. "He didn't hurt her did he? I mean, did he hurt her physically?"

Bastien looked at his hands. "The duke and Savannah had an intimate night together. She found out she was pregnant a month later. When she told him the news...he told her that it was her responsibility. He offered to help her as he could financially, but he had plans to marry a member of the nobility. He encouraged her to try to start a life away from Cordonia and the court."

Liam noticed his two friends getting angrier with each word. "Now we know why she was in the hospital in Paris. Do we know how the baby is? Do we have an address?"

Bastien nodded. "She gave birth to a healthy baby boy four months ago." He handed the address to Drake. "I...I'm sorry I did not tell you about the first investigation. I assumed the king father would handle everything. If you need me for anything else, please let me know." With a bow, he left the room.

Maxwell shot up out of his chair and hit the wall. Shaking, he looked at his friends. "Drake. I am so sorry my brother is the cause of this. I should have...I should have done more to find out what happened."

Drake tried to calm down. His little sister had been alone and pregnant in another country. She had needed someone to take care of her but had chosen to do it on her own. He wanted to ram his fist through Bertrand's stupid noble face.

"Maxwell, none of this is your fault. I'm going to go ahead and apologize. I'm going to tell him off and most likely hit him."

"Don't apologize. I will help you do it. All his talk of upholding the family honor and he does this. He deserves to have his ass kicked."

Liam sat there thinking, letting them vent their frustrations and need for revenge. Why had his father kept this hidden from Drake? What was the point? What had he planned to do? Or was it about Drake at all?

Could it have been kept because Bertrand was involved? Did he have the file created in case he needed to blackmail Bertrand? That seemed the most likely scenario. His father saw another use for it, as a threat to Drake when trying to convince them that Liam should marry Amanda.

Maxwell was walking to the door. "I say we go get him now! It's time that smug look was wiped off his face!"

Liam stopped them. "We can deal with Bertrand later. Right now, we need to decide how to approach Savannah. She needs to know that she does not need to remain apart. She can come home to be with those who love her and are ready to help."

Drake nodded. "I will go see her tomorrow afternoon. I don't believe I will be able to wait a moment longer."

"I'm going with you. She needs to know Bertrand's opinion is not how the rest of the Beaumonts feel. I want to be there for my nephew. He will need to know he has my love and support, even if his father is a douchebag."

Drake grinned. As if anyone doubted that Maxwell would always stand by those he considered his. He should have known that nothing would keep him from proving his loyalty.

Liam frowned as he pulled up his calendar of events. He had a lot of meetings that he would be unable to get out of. The next few days had a lot happening too. "I'm afraid I won't be able to come, unless you want to wait until later this week."

Both did not want to wait.

"You will need a third person there. You both are emotionally involved in this. You are going to need someone calm to diffuse the tension. Is Amanda available to go?"

Maxwell grimaced. "No. She found out yesterday that she will be taking part in some press junkets in Paris. Now that the movie has wrapped, Thomas asked her to meet him for some of them. She's having to work them in between the court events."

Liam thought he knew the perfect person. He could give her up for one afternoon. "Then you should take Riley. She can be a voice of reason in case things get a little heated. I know she will be happy to help out."

"Thanks Liam, if you're sure she won't mind, then I will gladly take all the backup I can."

They all agreed on a time and left Liam's sitting room.

A few hours later, Drake was laying on his bed. He was roused, from thoughts of what he should say when he saw his sister, by a knock on his door. He was surprised to see Olivia there. "Hey Liv."

She smiled. "Are you going to invite me in or keep me talking in the hallway?"

He rolled his eyes and stepped back to let her in. She sat down and noticed his worried expression. "What happened?"

Drake saw the concern in her eyes. He hesitated in answering. They had a past of hurling insults that cut deep. He remembered her using Savannah as one many times. Should he share this with her? Would she agree with Bertrand's actions? How did she really feel about nobles and commoners together? There was only one way to know the answers to these questions.

He told her everything. He watched her face flush red with anger. Her eyes flashed as she stood up, pacing his small compartment.

"That unmitigated asshole! How dare he do that to her! I knew he was an idiot but I never dreamed he was that cruel. When I get through with him, no decent noble will even want to breathe the same air as him. Just look at what he has done to Maxwell and Amanda. That should have pointed out to us how mean he can be to those who are unfortunate in being close to him. I hope Madeleine marries him. He deserves a lifetime with that witch. They need to be together so their evilness doesn't spread to anyone decent. He--"

She was unable to finish her tirade due to her lips being caught in one impassioned kiss. Drake pulled back and saw that her anger was quickly replaced by desire. He smiled as he kissed her again. She had a heart. A tender heart that he was coming to care for, a lot.

They were interrupted by a knock on his door. Madeleine stood there. "I heard raised voices. Is everything alri-- why Olivia! I would never have expected to see you in Drake's room."

"What do you want Madeleine?" Drake asked.

"I don't want anything. I have everything I need." With a mysterious smile, Madeleine walked off and went into the next train car.

"What did she mean she has all she needs?" Olivia wondered.

Drake shrugged his shoulders. "Who knows? I have a feeling it does not mean anything good."

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[gulabiprincess]

How can I overcome the guilt of being a bad communicator when im angry? I’ve been told I come off passive aggressive. im just in my head a lot and thinking of a respectful way to react. Other people view it as childish for not communicating my feelings instantly. Its hard for me to know what im feeling and why and i just feel like thats for me to figure out BEFORE I bring an issue to someone. For context i met this guy and I feel like we both moved too fast out of lust. He was going through alot (idk why i always attract ppl at this stage in their life) He lost a family member, and just got out of a relationship. He said the relationship was dead long before it was over but he was still working through things within himself because of it. He said he still felt emotionally available, but i’m realizing now when he still had a lot to work on he was removing the romance aspect of that.. which i didnt understand at the time and asked twice because I felt confused. So I let him know I dont want anything casual/FWB, and he said he didnt either. We’d hang out and he’d be like “we’re on a date” and it felt manipulative once I really started to think about it. Why use that language if we arent actually building on something? After we were intimate with eachother he said “i wouldnt fall in love with me right now. I just dont have the capacity to receive/give love romantically how i normally would” i didnt say anything then because he was being honest and vulnerable but it hurt. I felt manipulated. Probably manipulated myself into thinking something good could come from this. I dont have many experiences with good/honest men. Even though that is the bare minimum.. I wanted to hold on because i felt like i deserved to be loved, but also recognized he cant.. and i just feel like he had just as much responsibility to leave me alone knowing that. I’m also holding myself accountable because so did I. I left something at his house and went to go get it. I was so passive aggressive, told him nothing was wrong, tried to walk away from him after getting my stuff. I thought it would be best to just ghost him. I already caught feelings and it’d hurt too much if he chose to gaslight me to my face. I didnt want to break down in front of him. He called me once i got to my car and cursed at me.. i was so triggered i brought everything i was feeling to his attention in an accusatory way and i feel so much guilt because i feel like maybe if i wasnt so emotional about the situation he would’ve heard me out. I just felt like he could’ve been more sensitive and understanding to how i reacted especially because I previously explained i’ve been through emotionally/sexual abuse. He called me selfish, told me we’re done and its all my fault, and didn’t even acknowledge my explanation for reacting that way. I apologized a few days later once I cooled off but he ignored it, told me if i had more grace he’d have more empathy..and blocked me. Then he went on twitter ranting about “weird women” and it hurt. He knew i would see it. I dont think i’d ever rekindle anything with him. Im not sure if i dodged a bullet or let my anxiety get the best of me. I’m dealing with a lot of guilt for how it ended even though i tried to rectify things, and I think we both could’ve handled eachother better or maybe i am selfish..? Regardless how can I move on from the guilt of how it ended and him in general? Should I block him back?

Omfg I am sooooo sorry I didn’t even realize this was my inbox. Idk how long ago u sent me this I didn’t get a notification or anything smh stupid site

But anyways…

First of all thank you for sharing and venting to me. It’s always better to get things off your chest one way or another so I commend you for that

Next I wanna say all your feelings are perfectly valid and you have no reason to feel guilt whatsoever. We all have our ways of expressing negative emotions and it was completely wrong for that guy to gaslight you like that. He lied to you about being emotionally available bc based on what u said it seems clear he was nowhere close to ready to get back in the relationship department. He played you hun. And you don’t deserve to be lied to and guilt tripped like that

It was wrong of him to curse at you and block you. Also posting about it on Twitter??? That’s so immature and disrespectful to you. I honestly think u dodged a bullet there and deserve sm better! So sorry u had to go through all that bs. I hope a much better person comes along for u in due time. Til then take care, safeguard ur feelings, and focus on yourself. Don’t pay any mind to trashy men like that. They’re not worth the time or energy. I’m always here for u if u need to vent again. Keep me updated on how ur feeling ❤️

[honeyymistt]

How can I overcome the guilt of being a bad communicator when im angry? I’ve been told I come off passive aggressive. im just in my head a lot and thinking of a respectful way to react. Other people view it as childish for not communicating my feelings instantly. Its hard for me to know what im feeling and why and i just feel like thats for me to figure out BEFORE I bring an issue to someone. For context i met this guy and I feel like we both moved too fast out of lust. He was going through alot (idk why i always attract ppl at this stage in their life) He lost a family member, and just got out of a relationship. He said the relationship was dead long before it was over but he was still working through things within himself because of it. He said he still felt emotionally available, but i’m realizing now when he still had a lot to work on he was removing the romance aspect of that.. which i didnt understand at the time and asked twice because I felt confused. So I let him know I dont want anything casual/FWB, and he said he didnt either. We’d hang out and he’d be like “we’re on a date” and it felt manipulative once I really started to think about it. Why use that language if we arent actually building on something? After we were intimate with eachother he said “i wouldnt fall in love with me right now. I just dont have the capacity to receive/give love romantically how i normally would” i didnt say anything then because he was being honest and vulnerable but it hurt. I felt manipulated. Probably manipulated myself into thinking something good could come from this. I dont have many experiences with good/honest men. Even though that is the bare minimum.. I wanted to hold on because i felt like i deserved to be loved, but also recognized he cant.. and i just feel like he had just as much responsibility to leave me alone knowing that. I’m also holding myself accountable because so did I. I left something at his house and went to go get it. I was so passive aggressive, told him nothing was wrong, tried to walk away from him after getting my stuff. I thought it would be best to just ghost him. I already caught feelings and it’d hurt too much if he chose to gaslight me to my face. I didnt want to break down in front of him. He called me once i got to my car and cursed at me.. i was so triggered i brought everything i was feeling to his attention in an accusatory way and i feel so much guilt because i feel like maybe if i wasnt so emotional about the situation he would’ve heard me out. I just felt like he could’ve been more sensitive and understanding to how i reacted especially because I previously explained i’ve been through emotionally/sexual abuse. He called me selfish, told me we’re done and its all my fault, and didn’t even acknowledge my explanation for reacting that way. I apologized a few days later once I cooled off but he ignored it, told me if i had more grace he’d have more empathy..and blocked me. Then he went on twitter ranting about “weird women” and it hurt. He knew i would see it. I dont think i’d ever rekindle anything with him. Im not sure if i dodged a bullet or let my anxiety get the best of me. I’m dealing with a lot of guilt for how it ended even though i tried to rectify things, and I think we both could’ve handled eachother better or maybe i am selfish..? Regardless how can I move on from the guilt of how it ended and him in general? Should I block him back?

hi love!!!

I feel like you're handling all of this really maturely. i think you're really self-aware and you definitely hold yourself accountable which i applaud you for because i think a lot of other people tend to rearrange the story to make themselves seem like the other person is completely at fault.

i actually think that taking time to fully come to terms with things that have happened before you act out is a really good thing to do. i would encourage you to think about how your "processing things phase" comes off to other people. i think you could watch your tone of voice and monitor your body language. sometimes when you say that you're not mad and you're just taking time to think things through, your body language and your tone say the complete opposite which is a potential reason why some people would get the vibe that you're passive aggressive when you don't intend to be.

i'm really sorry to hear that you don't have many experiences with good/honest men and i'm even more sorry to hear that you are a victim of sexual and emotional abuse. you are 1000000% correct: you absolutely deserve to be loved. maybe people in the past have made you think that you're hard to love or unworthy of it, but that's not true. you're not hard to love and you're definitely not unworthy of it.

on the topic of this boy, i agree that he should've been more honest and sensitive with you. if you had told him that you didn't want anything casual, he shouldn't have let things progress only to call things off. when you wrote that you weren't sure if you dodged a bullet or let your anxiety get the best of you, i'm going to be completely honest and tell you that i think you did both. this boy definitely has a long way to go. i am not trying to defend him but he just got out of a relationship and recently lost a family member so it's understandable that he's not the best version of himself right now. but tweeting about weird women when he knew you would see it and treating you the way he did (all of the lying and manipulation, etc.) i would say you dodged a bullet. he's got a lot of maturing to do and the maturing isn't going to happen overnight.

on the other hand, i think that based off of your message, you can see how your actions weren't the best either. maybe you should've cooled off a bit before picking up your things and maybe your phone call shouldn't have been as accusatory as it was. but i think that you're better than him because you can admit these things and see how you could've acted more responsibly.

despite all of this, you sent an apology and he reacted with no class at all, blocked you and then tweeted something insulting that he knew you would see. he's immature. i always say that if you give a genuine apology, you've done your part. if the other person decides to forgive you and apologize for their own faults, then that's good but if they don't react well or they don't even acknowledge the apology, then you've done your part and it's time to let it go. it might be sad to hear but there's nothing you can do to change his mind and i wouldn't waste my time on it. you've done everything you could. i'm proud of you for swallowing your pride and apologizing even though he was a total jerk to you.

i think when it comes to moving on, you've just got to come to terms with it. it ended on bad terms but there's nothing you can do. in the meantime, surround yourself with more fulfilling friendships and take care of yourself. don't let any of the guilt eat you up. learn from what happened and let things go. i also think that there's no harm in blocking him. if it would help you forget about everything and move on from things faster, then by all means, do it! if you don't feel like blocking him, then i would at least encourage you to delete his number. it'll make it easier to move on.

i'm really really sorry to hear that this happened to you. i just wish that i could give you the biggest hug. i know that everything must suck right now but things will get better. i said it before and i'll say it again: i'm so proud of you for the way you handled everything. everything is going to be okay <3

[sweetemilybowl]

How can I overcome the guilt of being a bad communicator when im angry? I’ve been told I come off passive aggressive. im just in my head a lot and thinking of a respectful way to react. Other people view it as childish for not communicating my feelings instantly. Its hard for me to know what im feeling and why and i just feel like thats for me to figure out BEFORE I bring an issue to someone. For context i met this guy and I feel like we both moved too fast out of lust. He was going through alot (idk why i always attract ppl at this stage in their life) He lost a family member, and just got out of a relationship. He said the relationship was dead long before it was over but he was still working through things within himself because of it. He said he still felt emotionally available, but i’m realizing now when he still had a lot to work on he was removing the romance aspect of that.. which i didnt understand at the time and asked twice because I felt confused. So I let him know I dont want anything casual/FWB, and he said he didnt either. We’d hang out and he’d be like “we’re on a date” and it felt manipulative once I really started to think about it. Why use that language if we arent actually building on something? After we were intimate with eachother he said “i wouldnt fall in love with me right now. I just dont have the capacity to receive/give love romantically how i normally would” i didnt say anything then because he was being honest and vulnerable but it hurt. I felt manipulated. Probably manipulated myself into thinking something good could come from this. I dont have many experiences with good/honest men. Even though that is the bare minimum.. I wanted to hold on because i felt like i deserved to be loved, but also recognized he cant.. and i just feel like he had just as much responsibility to leave me alone knowing that. I’m also holding myself accountable because so did I. I left something at his house and went to go get it. I was so passive aggressive, told him nothing was wrong, tried to walk away from him after getting my stuff. I thought it would be best to just ghost him. I already caught feelings and it’d hurt too much if he chose to gaslight me to my face. I didnt want to break down in front of him. He called me once i got to my car and cursed at me.. i was so triggered i brought everything i was feeling to his attention in an accusatory way and i feel so much guilt because i feel like maybe if i wasnt so emotional about the situation he would’ve heard me out. I just felt like he could’ve been more sensitive and understanding to how i reacted especially because I previously explained i’ve been through emotionally/sexual abuse. He called me selfish, told me we’re done and its all my fault, and didn’t even acknowledge my explanation for reacting that way. I apologized a few days later once I cooled off but he ignored it, told me if i had more grace he’d have more empathy..and blocked me. Then he went on twitter ranting about “weird women” and it hurt. He knew i would see it. I dont think i’d ever rekindle anything with him. Im not sure if i dodged a bullet or let my anxiety get the best of me. I’m dealing with a lot of guilt for how it ended even though i tried to rectify things, and I think we both could’ve handled eachother better or maybe i am selfish..? Regardless how can I move on from the guilt of how it ended and him in general? Should I block him back?

He sounds like a dick and not worth your time. You should not feel guilty for expressing your feelings and concerns.

[yourmoonmomma]

How can I overcome the guilt of being a bad communicator when im angry? I’ve been told I come off passive aggressive. im just in my head a lot and thinking of a respectful way to react. Other people view it as childish for not communicating my feelings instantly. Its hard for me to know what im feeling and why and i just feel like thats for me to figure out BEFORE I bring an issue to someone. For context i met this guy and I feel like we both moved too fast out of lust. He was going through alot (idk why i always attract ppl at this stage in their life) He lost a family member, and just got out of a relationship. He said the relationship was dead long before it was over but he was still working through things within himself because of it. He said he still felt emotionally available, but i’m realizing now when he still had a lot to work on he was removing the romance aspect of that.. which i didnt understand at the time and asked twice because I felt confused. So I let him know I dont want anything casual/FWB, and he said he didnt either. We’d hang out and he’d be like “we’re on a date” and it felt manipulative once I really started to think about it. Why use that language if we arent actually building on something? After we were intimate with eachother he said “i wouldnt fall in love with me right now. I just dont have the capacity to receive/give love romantically how i normally would” i didnt say anything then because he was being honest and vulnerable but it hurt. I felt manipulated. Probably manipulated myself into thinking something good could come from this. I dont have many experiences with good/honest men. Even though that is the bare minimum.. I wanted to hold on because i felt like i deserved to be loved, but also recognized he cant.. and i just feel like he had just as much responsibility to leave me alone knowing that. I’m also holding myself accountable because so did I. I left something at his house and went to go get it. I was so passive aggressive, told him nothing was wrong, tried to walk away from him after getting my stuff. I thought it would be best to just ghost him. I already caught feelings and it’d hurt too much if he chose to gaslight me to my face. I didnt want to break down in front of him. He called me once i got to my car and cursed at me.. i was so triggered i brought everything i was feeling to his attention in an accusatory way and i feel so much guilt because i feel like maybe if i wasnt so emotional about the situation he would’ve heard me out. I just felt like he could’ve been more sensitive and understanding to how i reacted especially because I previously explained i’ve been through emotionally/sexual abuse. He called me selfish, told me we’re done and its all my fault, and didn’t even acknowledge my explanation for reacting that way. I apologized a few days later once I cooled off but he ignored it, told me if i had more grace he’d have more empathy..and blocked me. Then he went on twitter ranting about “weird women” and it hurt. He knew i would see it. I dont think i’d ever rekindle anything with him. Im not sure if i dodged a bullet or let my anxiety get the best of me. I’m dealing with a lot of guilt for how it ended even though i tried to rectify things, and I think we both could’ve handled eachother better or maybe i am selfish..? Regardless how can I move on from the guilt of how it ended and him in general? Should I block him back

Firstly, ive learnt there's a lot of power in "i care about you, so I need to step away from this situation. I don't want to speak out of anger, so I'm taking 30 mins to figure out what's going on for me so we can talk about this properly." That's what I try to say when I'm angry! Then I step out or go for a drive or have a shower. It calms me down, and gives me the space to figure out what's happening for me and how to express my anger properly, as well as letting the other person know I'm not giving them the cold shoulder or something!

Secondly, it sounds like he needs therapy, as do you. You both had a lot going on, and clearly still do have a lot going on! Therapy can help you work through these feelings and learn how to navigate these situations, as well as teach you what you truly deserve in romantic or sexual partners.

Thirdly, focus on yourself. Block him back if it makes you feel better, sure! But try to work through the feelings of fixing the situation. That wont actually fix it. You cant redo what was done or said, and it's very clear that you two weren't compatible and wanted different things!! Focus on yourself, and healing yourself 💗

[iamabuddha]

How can I overcome the guilt of being a bad communicator when im angry? I’ve been told I come off passive aggressive. im just in my head a lot and thinking of a respectful way to react. Other people view it as childish for not communicating my feelings instantly. Its hard for me to know what im feeling and why and i just feel like thats for me to figure out BEFORE I bring an issue to someone. For context i met this guy and I feel like we both moved too fast out of lust. He was going through alot (idk why i always attract ppl at this stage in their life) He lost a family member, and just got out of a relationship. He said the relationship was dead long before it was over but he was still working through things within himself because of it. He said he still felt emotionally available, but i’m realizing now when he still had a lot to work on he was removing the romance aspect of that.. which i didnt understand at the time and asked twice because I felt confused. So I let him know I dont want anything casual/FWB, and he said he didnt either. We’d hang out and he’d be like “we’re on a date” and it felt manipulative once I really started to think about it. Why use that language if we arent actually building on something? After we were intimate with eachother he said “i wouldnt fall in love with me right now. I just dont have the capacity to receive/give love romantically how i normally would” i didnt say anything then because he was being honest and vulnerable but it hurt. I felt manipulated. Probably manipulated myself into thinking something good could come from this. I dont have many experiences with good/honest men. Even though that is the bare minimum.. I wanted to hold on because i felt like i deserved to be loved, but also recognized he cant.. and i just feel like he had just as much responsibility to leave me alone knowing that. I’m also holding myself accountable because so did I. I left something at his house and went to go get it. I was so passive aggressive, told him nothing was wrong, tried to walk away from him after getting my stuff. I thought it would be best to just ghost him. I already caught feelings and it’d hurt too much if he chose to gaslight me to my face. I didnt want to break down in front of him. He called me once i got to my car and cursed at me.. i was so triggered i brought everything i was feeling to his attention in an accusatory way and i feel so much guilt because i feel like maybe if i wasnt so emotional about the situation he would’ve heard me out. I just felt like he could’ve been more sensitive and understanding to how i reacted especially because I previously explained i’ve been through emotionally/sexual abuse. He called me selfish, told me we’re done and its all my fault, and didn’t even acknowledge my explanation for reacting that way. I apologized a few days later once I cooled off but he ignored it, told me if i had more grace he’d have more empathy..and blocked me. Then he went on twitter ranting about “weird women” and it hurt. He knew i would see it. I dont think i’d ever rekindle anything with him. Im not sure if i dodged a bullet or let my anxiety get the best of me. I’m dealing with a lot of guilt for how it ended even though i tried to rectify things, and I think we both could’ve handled eachother better or maybe i am selfish..? Regardless how can I move on from the guilt of how it ended and him in general? Should I block him back?

First, you aren't selfish AT ALL. I can't see anything selfish about what you've done.

If you're bad at communicating when you're angry, then don't communicate when you're angry. Sit back, sit with your anger, observe it, understand it, understand why it has arisen, and practice communicating your feelings, then communicate them - it's not your problem that people think you should express your feelings instantly, you shouldn't.

You're saying that this guy "lost a family member", "just got out of a relationship", and both of you were moving too fast "out of lust", it is clear that he was emotionally unavailable and that getting into a relationship with you and moving out of lust was just to fill the void he felt after grieving and the breakup he went through. I see no sign for true love in this situation, but it isn't your fault.

You made what you wanted from the relationship clear with him, but he still continued although it's clear he wasn't there for anything serious. Don't feel guilty because YOU ARE NOT. Men do this all the time, don't let him manipulate your feelings. You had all the right to feel and express your anger. He was at fault, not you. You deserve better people who can truly love you.

It's up to you if you want to block him or not; it really depends on how it affects you and the situation. Do let him go though. Move to another chapter now that this relationship has ended.

Sit with yourself and with your feelings, understand that you aren't guilty, set an intention to deal better with anger, drink some herbal tea to relax your body, pamper yourself to a nice bath that washes away all the stuck up energies from this relationship, let it go completely. You deserve better. You deserve true love. Once you realize this you'll say no to people like him, and you'll let them go cheerfully, and you'll attract people that are capable of giving you the love you deserve.