#i thought about cleaning this up a bit before posting (ie making it less like smth i drew rapid fire in the library between classes)

[crystalpallette]

gotta love drawing. what else yields these results in less than a minute

[bcolfanfic]

hi hi! I would love to hear all the angst that happens during the time period where Bucky is drinking again and the build up to the intervention. Did Bucky struggle with drinking before this? How does he act when he’s drunk? How does buck react if Bucky tries to initiate anything intimate when he is drunk(if he ever does) does Bucky ever resort to other substances to cope? Does Gale feel ‘angry’ with Bucky for drinking to cope instead of coming to him for help, if so how does he deal with those em? Does he lash out or go self deprecating? Thank was a lot sorry! But I would love to hear your thoughts on literally any of these things or whatever you have thought about this time period so no pressure at all ofc!! I just absolutely love this au it’s so special to me 🫶🏻

lmao re: other substances i have a 'in my head wip' thing about *gale* having a bit of a pill problem. and rachel and i gave kenny that issue too once. poor boys </3 but re: bucky in my head he just sticks to alcohol. i think he has some issues with paranoia re: his ptsd and that something like taking pills or other drugs is just too shrouded in what ifs that drinking alcohol from the store isn't y'know?

timeline wise i think he was always *susceptible* to having a drinking problem but knew that to the extent that he kinda harm reductioned himself? drank quite often, got *drunk*, but esp being with gale was pretty good about having limits and sticking to them. which becomes shakier post-suicide attempt when he's picking up the pieces from a months long mental breakdown. starts to feel like it's all less scary to deal with if he's more "loosened up"- which is what starts the more for-emotional-comfort drinking ie: keeping a flask on him or around him almost 24/7.

my experience with alcoholism comes from someone i know really well- and the thing with them was that outside of like nighttime party drinking they could be drinking heavily during the day and about 75% of the time you wouldn't be able to tell if you didn't know them. when it's a habit like that you learn how to Function to hide the problem which i think bucky is pretty good at at least to begin with. plus he's always been more of a loose canon personality sober too, so to put it bluntly just ~being a little weird~ isn't necessarily a red flag.

but gale *does* know him, better than anyone so he does pick up on it eventually. which is hard at first because he *wants* to be wrong so so badly that he tries to brute force convince him he is. and then he finds a flask that john had hidden somewhere and the lying to himself about this being a capital p Problem gets a whole lot harder </3 doesn't even know how to bring it up because even though this is obviously /bad/ john is doing miles better than he was before his attempt. less nighttime episodes, less depression fatigue, seems a lot happier generally speaking. which gives gale so many conflicting feelings because it's different than the alcohol issues his dad had but. still issues. but not as bad so maybe its fine right? right?

i had a 'in my head wip' thing a while ago about john going out with some local buddies and getting a little 'lost along the way' getting back. ends up calling gale slurring his words begging to be picked up, which gale of course does but. poor john is a mess. needs quite a bit of help to get in the house, gets sick and now he *is* starting to remind gale of his dad which makes him itch so bad.

is so apologetic too when gale is helping him clean up and get into different clothes so he can sleep- and i think that's the only situation he'd really try to initiate something when drunk under. just feels so vulnerable and guilty and wants gale to kiss it better </3 kills gale to see him upset too when he has to reject him but just kinda. squeezes the back of his neck tells him not now and keeps chugging on getting him into bed so he can sleep.

coping wise i think gale goes right into self-deprecating mode. gets a bit angry during the whole debacle when they're in new york and john gets into that fight with croz and brady, because all their friends now know what's going on and he's embarrassed. but otherwise is real internal about it all. feels like he failed at Fixing him like he was supposed to and that they're never going to be truly settled/there's always going to be Something. which is also hard itself because he's so used to their life just being. like that. that he gets somewhat resigned too. even when curt is trying to push him on the intervention thing after the new york incident he has to pull teeth a little to get him on board because gale is just well. well it might not work /: it's fine i can handle him, i always have /:

couples therapy. couples therapy for everyone lmao but in all seriousness i do think this pushes them there once john is actually one foot in front of the other on the sobriety road. something they probably should've done after john's attempt to begin with it but they were a little in lalaland re: if john is okay gale will be okay and then we're both okay (: thinking.

[tohruhondaismydaughter]

Just had some headcanons about Machi pop into my head that I wanted to share with yall. So we know this poor girl struggles with "perfect"/neat things right? Well I was thinking about some healthy coping mechanisms she could develop to replace the whole 'breaking property/living in a dump' thing & here's what I got so far -

1. She always tries to wear odd socks (unless she's invited somewhere nice)

2. Ayame & Mine help her find cool asymmetrical stuff to wear, how to make clashing colours/patterns work for her & teach her how to sew up her old clothes in a more "punk rock" way (after Yuki & Kakeru explain some of her issues with perfection)

3. Tohru gently points out that she dosn't have to tie her laces the same way on both shoes if she dosn't want to

4. Haru & Rin (awkwardly on her part) teach her the power of acessorising (ie. wearing only one earing, putting on an uneven amount of bracelets/rings/necklaces, adding paper clips of different sizes & colours to your clothing & Machi later ends up adding stuff like buttons to her outfits/belongings as well which Haru & Rin are tottally surppotive of despite thier difference in style) & hair/makeup which (thanks to Yuki's advice) they make sure to keep slightly messy (Kimi laughed at it at first until Momiji made her feel bad after he told her that Machi had gone to the bathroon & wiped off all the make up & undid the hair style so Kimi bought her some limited edition Mogeta merch, after asking for Yuki's advice, in apolgey & started referring to Machi's new hair/makeup style as "punk chic" whenever anyone tried to mock Machi about her new look)

5. her & Momiji go on a crazy tie dying adventure (much to Hatori's grumbling & Mayu's amusement)

6. Kormaki gets her into collecting second hand fridge magnets which she then later uses in her work (my version of post-serise Machi is an artist) once the magnetism finally wears off

7. Kagura teaches her how to fix up old plushies (Machi likes creating Mogeta inspired characters) & gives Machi all her old cat ones to work on (Machi descides not to ask why Yuki's cousin was seemingly once obssesd with orange cats because she looks rather embrassed & a little sad when she hands over her collection)

8. Kyo reluctantly teaches her how to cook a few simple dishes (Tohru comes over as well & Yuki insists her food is better but Machi prefers Kyo's simple style of presentation so it's eventually descided that Kyo & her will do the cooking & Tohru & Yuki will deal with the cleaning which Yuki agrees to becuse cleaning is still difficult for Machi but Kyo says it's actually because no matter how much Tohru tried to train him rat boy knows he would never be able to do anything in the kitchen but burn water)

9. Kakeru teaches her the skills of 'excessive badge & sticker decorating' as well as giving eachother fake tattoos (Kisa congratulates Hiro on not saying anything rude to Yuki's girlfriend about her appreance after they first meet her)

10. Cuts her hair short (she delibretly makes it very choppy) once she enters university, where the rules are less strict about your apprence (at least it is if your at art college), & she also regulary wears diffrent coloured wigs (her favourites being a dark red one & a rainbow one) whenever she wants to temporarily change her appearance (beacuse she didn't want to commit to just one look, still wanted to have the ability to quickly "become invisable" again & she heard from Kimi that exsseive hair die-ing could permantly destroy her hair & scalp) it takes her until she's 30 to try out shaving all her hair off (she worried she'd look sick/crazy or not feminine enough) & everyone's really surppotive (though Kimi dose cry a bit, Rin & Haru aren't there when her hair is being shaved & Kyo is a slightly confused as he'd always thought women liked having longer hair then guys) especially Ritsu (who's growing out thier hair again) & they all throw her a big party (Haru & Rin are there for the party bit just not the hair removal bit because it brought up some bad memories) where Kakeru films it & posts it (with Machi's permission) & they give her cut off hair to a charity chosen by all thier followers (despite her disbelief Machi has manged to gain a small group of loyal fans from all her art stuff & her apprences on her loved ones social media), Kakeru also later uploads a video where they help Machi rainbow dye her buzz cut, (she later explores many diffrent types of buzz cut patterns such as flowers & geometric shapes but, at Kimi's insistence, gets them done by a professional)

11. She recycles & D.Y.I's like crazy (Momiji started singing Do Re Mi from The Sound Of Music after she told him that her new dress was actually made from curtains & Yuki cried when she gave him a little rat plushie made from felt, after he came clean to her about the curse)

12. She almost never wears an apron while working on her art because she likes getting messy

13. When her & Yuki go out to eat she loves things like fondoe (both the chocolate & cheese kind), eat N mess & is genreually just a fan of finger food & it becomes a tradition between her & Yuki (& later Mutsuki) to go on a stroll through the park after thier meal & (if it's autumn) look for piles of leaves to jump in (Machi & Yuki also like playing a game where they try to look for the weirdest looking leaf to give eachother & whoever wins gets to pick what they'll eat for dinner that evening & the looser has to cook it, Mutsuki is the "impartial" judge)

14. Machi is amazing at scrapbooking & collarge making (Tohru is more of a dream journal kind of girl)

15. When it's Summer her, Yuki & Mutsuki go down to the beach to see who can find the weirdest looking rocks (the less impressive ones often get used in Machi's art work, the coolest ones Mutsuki gets to keep & any that are too perfect get tossed back in the ocean & Mutsuki likes to score the splashes they make on how big/loud they are)

16. She loves helping Yuki out with gardening for lots of reasons (it's therapeutic & she loves seeing Yuki happy) but she can't deny it's also just fun getting muddy

17. Machi, thanks to Kakeru, devolpes a love of paint ball (but instead of using guns they just throw the paint at eachother like in 10 Things I Hate About You because apparently the gun pellets actually hurt) & will bring it up as an activity idea to her loved ones any chanse she gets

18. Decorates as much of her flat (& later her home with Yuki & Mutsuki) with Mogeta merchandise, random things she collects & her own art work as a big fuck you to her bitch "you have 0 personality/hobbies or talents" of a mother

19. Kisa (happily) & Hiro (reluctantly) introduce Machi to the magic of glitter

20. Machi & Rin eventually become proper friends due to bonding over being abounded by their asshole parents & one of the things they like to do together is work on thier seprete art peices while listening to music (Machi dosn't do any of her "aggressive" art, like plate smashing, around Rin though thanks to Yuki & Haru warnings)

21. When stuff gets to be too much & none of thier other coping strategies are working (like watching Mogeta stoned- which Kisa, Tohru & Momiji do not partake in) Machi & Haru bond by going to rage rooms together to destroy shit & scream (Haru obviously dosn't want Rin around for any of that though so Momiji, Tohru, Kagura or Hana will often take the opportunity to hang out with her, one time Yuki offered & it wasn't bad but it was definitely awkward as they had never really hung out without Haru before & Haru teases her for ages afterwards about her ending up liking Yuki once she actually spent some time with him which, like the precious tsundere she is, Rin will forever deny)

22. (I actually made a whole seprete post about this ages ago but now it seems to have vanished so in case other Machi fans are unable to find it l'll add it here) on the days that it's supposed to snow but dosn't Yuki takes her (& later Mutsuki) skating so she can enjoy scratching up the perfectly smooth ice (they would have gone on double dates with Tohru & Kyo if Tohru wasn't freaked out at the idea of having blades on her shoes & Kyo hadn't claimed to "not trust" ice, he's dislike comes from all the times Kagura had forced him to ice skate with her on the lake near Kazuma's place in the winter when they were kids, so they would instead go with Haru & Momiji - they had thought about going with Haru x Rin & Kakeru x Kormaki once but he proudly revealed that he'd been banned from thier local ice rink years ago for trying "perfectly safe" Olympic level stunts in he's attempt to recreate one of he's favriote episodes of Power Rangers, much to he's fiancee's anger, & Machi reminded Yuki that though Haru & Kakeru were fine with eachother Rin isn't reall able to stand Kakeru for longer than 5 minuites)

[sullustangin]

The Expendables

A brief ditty about three kill options (and I kept it under 1500 words!). 

Post-KotET

“All right. You go get your stuff, and I’ll keep an eye on the ship.”

Arcann nodded, silently, as he opened the shuttle door and jumped out onto the landing pad on top of the palace at the heart of Zakuul.

Annnnd that left Koth, with Senya, waiting.  “You aren’t going with him?”

Senya looked out of the viewport at the traffic that moved below them.  “I took my possessions with me when I left his father.  There’s nothing for me here.”

“Ok.”  Koth drummed his fingers on the dashboard.  It wasn’t out of nerves -- not anymore.  He was impatient.  He didn’t want to be here.  He loved Zakuul.. but his home wasn’t on this planet.  Wasn’t anywhere yet, to be honest.  He was only here because Lana asked him to do her a favor. 

Both Koth and Senya knew what that favor really was. 

“Maybe you can help hurry him along? Grab a bag, make a suggestion...?”  Koth gestured toward the door.

Senya shook her head.  “He needs his privacy.  The Alliance has watched him very closely since he arrived -- which I understand!” Senya said a bit quicker and louder than necessary.  “I just want to give him a few moments alone with his thoughts.”  She cast a look at the door that led down into the residence.  “You know, they’re turning this place into a museum.  And a mall.”

Koth leaned back in his seat.  “Well, finally gives people a chance to see what their taxes paid for over the last few centuries.”

Senya sat on the edge of her seat, constantly looking over at where her son had disappeared.  

Koth sighed, loudly.

“Could you --?”

“You just don’t want to catch him getting his girlie holo collection.”

Senya huffed, then withdrew slightly.  “I-I-I don’t know if he has girlie holos... or boy-ie holos.  I left before he ... went through those changes.”  Senya’s shame was laced through the sentence.  She was never going to forgive herself for leaving, was she.

“Well, he clearly likes girls, at least, since that’s why I’m here.”  Koth looked over at Senya.  “You let Arcann try to ask the Captain out or something, and now I’m here because Lana doesn’t want Spy Guy letting Arcann accidentally, mysteriously fall off a building.”

Senya pressed her lips together before replying.  “War -- conflict makes and breaks relationships.  I didn’t know how permanent --”

“Woman, your son threw his kinda sorta girlfriend into a freezer for five years.  He didn’t get over it. And now you let Arcann make a move?  You’re lucky Theron kept that to himself instead of telling the Wookiee.  You wanna see paternal panic?  Lord.”  Bowdaar was awesome, and Koth would have him serving on the Gravestone if he didn’t know the big guy wouldn’t stand being parted from Eva, his captain. 

Senya closed her eyes, and for a split second, Koth thought he’d made her cry and that was soooo NOT HIS INTENT.  Koth’s internal panic was quelled when she spoke, more tired and frustrated than tearful.  “It was the first time he expressed any positive interest in anyone that wasn’t me or his siblings.  So many years since he... Since he wasn’t trying to get revenge or best a rival in combat or play politics.  Maybe he was too awkward and came on too strong -- but I didn’t want to discourage that the first positive impulse he’d had in over ten years.”  

Koth tipped his forehead forward to rest on the piloting controls of the shuttle. He’d spent years blaming Arcann for the downfall of Zakuul. Knowing that it was the old emperor playing everyone made him hate Arcann less, but... it was honestly mindblowing to watch the guy hit ‘reply all’ to a Odessen holonet announcement to ask about how to do laundry. It proved how disconnected Arcann had been from reality all these years. 

(Lana made Koth help, once she knew via securiy holo that he’d literally been sitting next to Arcann as he’d done it.)

Arcann needed a friend to clean out his old apartment.  Well, the Force, Providence, the Galaxy, Lana -- they all moved in mysterious ways that had led Koth here. 

He unbuckled his seatbelt.

**

Koth found Arcann standing in the remains of a bedroom.  It had been blasted to shreds, the contents of every chest, every drawer scattered everywhere.  A fire had kindled on the bed for awhile before dying out.  Koth let out a low whistle, which caught Arcann’s attention.  “Vaylin redecorated in my absence.”

Koth stifled a laugh.  Arcann had a dry wit that came out when he wasn’t brooding or being clueless about normal people life. “She leave you anything?”

“A few things.”  Arcann held up an old carved box.

Koth recognized it as one of those multi-dimensional chess sets that only the richest people could afford.  “Anything I can do to help?”  Koth offered.

Arcann motioned around the room.  “If you find something not broken, let me know.”  The former ruler turned his scarred side in Koth’s direction.  “That might only be yourself.” 

A dry wit with a heavy dose of self-hate. 

The two men sifted through the remains of the room.  Koth managed to find one or two datapads that escaped Vaylin’s wrath.  Arcann pulled some clothes out of his closet -- all whites and blacks.  Maybe they could get the smoke damage out back at base. 

As Koth straightened up and cracked his back, he heard Arcann say, “She let me live because it infuriated my father.”

“Huh?”

“He told her to kill me.  So many times.  Even as she took the throne -- you know what she said to him?”

Koth hadn’t asked anyone what happened at the time.  He just sat in the ship, gazing down at Zakuul as all the lights blinked back on as people emerged from hiding and the darkness.

“She told him she’d give the throne back to me, just to spite him, if he didn’t shut his mouth.”

Koth smiled openly now.  “That sounds like Eva, all right.”  His grin waned slightly as he saw Arcann standing there, torn between laughing and ... not laughing at all.  “Well, at least you know she hates you less than your old man.”

“I’m alive because of her spite.  It... it hadn’t occurred to me that wasn’t the best basis for... companionship.. until after...” 

Koth read Arcann like a damn holonovel -- captains knew how to do that for the safety of their ship, getting a quick assessment in just a few glances.  “You went back after she gave you the brush off.  And she got meaner about it.  Told you--”

“Agent Shan’s presence in her ship after hours also bolstered the fact she hadn’t spared me out of any affection.” 

Koth cringed. “Arcann, you gotta give up on her or else she will kill you.  Or he will. Or Bowdaar.  Or the rest of her crew, now that they’re back with her.  She’s got a lot of people who aren’t afraid of going to jail for her.” 

And Koth was one of them, if he was honest.  Technically, he’d go to jail for Lana after Lana killed someone for her. 

Arcann exhaled through his nose.  “She didn’t kill me at the ball, so I assumed she --”  His throat bobbed as he stared around his old room one last time, balling up the smoke-infested garments and tucking them under his arm.  “I only knew love and hate.  There was no mercy.  There was never an in-between.  Nobody was permitted to live unless they were a stalwart ...Nothing was neutral or grey.  There was just white and black.”  He looked down at his clothes.  “I have much to learn.”

Arcann dropped the white and black clothes.  As he started to let the chess set slip from his hands, Koth darted over, easily intercepting the small chest before it hit the floor.  “Hey, the wardrobe needs an update.  But... you’ll find someone good to play with on Odessen, someday.”  Koth grasped the chest one-handed and braced it against his chest to make sure he didn’t drop it.  “For now, you’ll have to settle for teaching my impatient self.”

Arcann smiled, slightly. 

[kyidyl]

Kyidyl Does Archaeology - Part 6

(yep, the rest of the parts of this are all under the KyidylCL tag, in case you happen across just this one.)

Rocks and...other stuff

Ok so here we are...we’ve arrived at my least favorite thing.  Lithics.  I’ll be honest with you guys, my disinterest in lithics means that I don’t have a lot to add here.  But...I’ll do what I can.  

So, first off, we’ve found *thousands* of lithics on this site.  It is by far the most common thing we have.  We’ve found broken tools, used up tools, intact points, fire cracked rock, like...the whole nine.  One of the things you can learn from lithics is how far people were going to get their rock.  For example, we have a lot of jasper in our lithics, so we know they were going up onto the nearby mountain because that’s where the nearest jasper deposits are.  I *absolutely* am not the right person to go into a detailed account here, but I do know that they were going pretty far away to get their supplies - even over to the other side of the mountains.  Or at least they were trading with people in closer proximity to those places.  

I think what’s amazing to me is the degree to which they work quartz and quartzite.  Here’s one of the points we found: 

I’m pretty sure, if I’m remembering the things the Rock Guy told me correctly, that point is made of quartzite.  Quartz and quartzite are very hard (7/7.5 on the Mohs scale aka the rock hardness scale.), so working them is difficult.  I don’t know how to do it, but I know it must have taken either an impressive amount of brute force or an impressive amount of energy.  Either way, it’s neat.  Hell I found a piece of quartz the last time I was in the field (which I don’t have, or I’d show you.) that literally looked like it was cut like a gemstone.  It’s more likely it came out of a geode but still, they did cool shit with quartz.  Some of what we’ve found has been almost as clear as glass.  

I’m aware that the style a point is made in (and everything that is, well, pointy...is a point.  It includes spear tips, arrow heads, etc.) is indicative of the age of a site, but I don’t know enough here to go into it and we’ve already covered age in the pottery and digging post (it’s late woodland - early contact, c. 1300s - 1700s), so I’m just gonna show you some cool pictures.  

First point that we found...

Same hole, another point.  Probably both are arrowheads given the size.  The one I’m holding up in the picture up there was probably a spear, not an arrowhead.  Arrowheads are actually really small.  

Here’s another weird rock: 

It’s weird because that one in the upper right has that groove in it and is kinda squished.  to me it looks like a tile, which would be really anachronistic to this particular site, and our Rock Guy assures me this is a natural thing, but these rocks have something on them I’ve been finding on a lot of the lithics: a red residue.  You can see it pretty clearly on the top surface on the center rock, but it’s in the grooves on the right one too.  These rocks didn’t come out of the pit with the red dirt, so it’s not like...red dirt from burning.  To me it looks like ocre, but this is one of those areas where my knowledge base just comes up short and I need to wait for someone who knows more to look at them.  But lets just say that I have this experience often where I’ll say something like “this looks like ocre” and people will be like “nooo, that doesn’t make sense” and then they’ll spend some time with the artefact and be like “hey look at this it looks like ocre” and I’m over here like....yes....I know....I told you that weeks ago...perhaps if I’d found a way to say it in a male voice we wouldn’t be having this conversation.  x.x Aaaaannnnnyway.  

Another kind of rock we have are fire-cracked rocks.  Back in the day they used to heat rocks in the fire and then put them in pots to boil the water.  They often reuse them, and after a few uses the constant “hot rock plunged into cold water” thing causes them to crack.  It’s *extremely* common to find this all over the world.  I saw it at the site I worked in England, too, when we were digging the Roman stuff.  And it’s always kind of confused me because even though water boils basically instantly when you add the very hot rock, it would likely take longer for the rock to heat up than it would to just, y’know, boil the water, so why use the rocks? Then it occurred to me: because the rocks were just casually tossed into fires that weren’t being used for cooking.  So you toss a few into the fire you’re using for warmth or for smoking or whatever in the morning and by the time dinner rolls around you just grab some rocks that’ve been in the fire all day and you toss them into a pot of water.  Multitasking ftw! I would find some pics for you but I’m NGL guys, they just look like stones that’ve been cracked in half.  People weren’t all that picky about the type or anything like that.  

So yeah, that’s rocks, now who wants to see some weird shit? You, obviously, YOU want to see some weird shit.  

Weird Shit

First up, because I STILL haven’t figured out why this is like this, we have this bone: 

Ok honestly I’m only like 93% sure it’s a small piece of bone, but like...it’s definitely natural.  It’s been burned for awhile but the weird part here is that IT’S GREEN. Now that’s not in and of itself weird - this is what happens to bone when there’s some metal nearby.  It often leaves behind green staining on bones.  But there was no metal in the ground here, and this thing was pretty deep.  Below the civil war trench stuff.  So I have no idea why it’s green like this.  

This...thing.  No idea what it is.  Roughly a quarter inch long, metallic...looks like slag but, again, came out of a hole that was really too deep for us to be finding iron in (in this case, iron is a modern contaminant or something you’d only find in the top - IE, later - layers.). Meteorite, maybe? We’ve found some other weird stuff like this too but it was from much higher layers.  

The back and front of a piece of bone that is too small for me to make a determination as to whether or not it’s human without like...a microscope.  I don’t have one.  I mean it probably *isn’t* human, but the color is right, soooo...IDK I just thought it was weird.  

This is another small, weird, brown thing.  BUT! it’s a different kind of small, weird brown thing than the other one.  The other one passes the magnet test and fails to leave a streak when wet.  This one fails the magnet test but left a brown streak on my skin when wet (no...I didn’t lick this one).  So I’m pretty sure it’s a coprolite, but I’ve never handled them before so I’m not entirely certain.  It looks like one to me, though (coprolite is very old poop.  Poop is important bc it informs on diet and stuff.  There have been literal fights and thefts in the archaeological community over coprolites.). This came out of one of the test pits and we haven’t dug over there yet so IDK.  

This next bit is less weird and more cool.  

This is a very small, very burned piece of bone but it’s cool for two reasons.  One, see that long light-color diagonal mark in the lower right area of the top surface? That’s either a butchery mark or more tooth marks.  I learn towards butchery becaaaaause....see how flat this is? That only happens when it’s been cut by people.  Bones don’t break clean and flat like that, the crack or they splinter.  When they crack they do it vertically because that is with the grain of the bone.  This is horizontal, or across the grain.  They have to be cut to look so flat.  Here’s another example from the test pits: 

See? Perfectly flat across the grain.  This one has also been cut and burned.  The white color of the two bones means they’ve been burned for a long time at a high temperature.  All of the collagen - the soft stuff - gets burned off when you do it for long enough and at a high enough temperature and the minerals are left behind.  Both of these images are macro images on bones that are smaller than an inch.  

Ok, one more weird thing: 

This is actually the back and front of a rock.  It’s flat on both sides like pottery, but it tasted like a rock and it has no temper so...rock.  But in that top image it has some kind of dark residue on it that almost looks like rust or paint, and the opposite side has small marks that look like cut marks or tool marks.  I’m not sure what kind of rock it was, but it also had a dry, sandy texture to it.  IDK it was just weird.  The marks could just be damage over time to the rock (what we call taphonomic damage.), but the residue is pretty strange.  

Anyway, that about wraps it up.  I think that what I’m gonna do is start going through the uncleaned material I have downstairs (I got sidetracked by covid and the holidays. :P) and start posting what I found or anything out of the ordinary, if you guys want anyway.  Thanks for sticking around through this long series of posts about the site I work at, and I hope you enjoyed it.  As always, if you have any questions my askbox is open.  :) 

[rubiesintherough]

and since im emotional about a healer on main....   tw for ptsd  i’ve made a post talking about her triggers, and going further into depth about them, too. but, i also have more feelings, so... 

Mahia is extremely touch starved. She hasn’t had a positive experience with being touched for almost a decade... unless you count when she touches someone to heal them, which I don’t. And this affects her a lot more than she lets on. It’s been a huge detriment on her mental health.  But, the issue with it is... there’s no one she has to help alleviate it.  Between her wings, and her scars, and the guilt, she feels like an abomination. From the instant she regained consciousness with the feathers on her back, when she was 12 years old, she’s felt like something less than human, like a monster, like some... thing.  She sees herself as filthy. Tainted. The thought of   ‘ making ‘  someone touch her  ( ie. asking for a hug even from someone she knows and trusts ) feels wrong.                     And that’s when she can even handle being touched. With the years of trauma, between what happened a the Lab, and the long trauma of being repeatedly stabbed, shot, drugged, literally hunted down like an animal... there are some days when being touched at all can trigger a panic attack and a full ptsd episode.     And then there’s the matter of learning to trust someone to start out with. As mentioned above, she’s had a... well, a bit of a rough go. As a matter of survival, she’s had to come to view everyone as a threat. Even when she’s healing someone unconscious on the ground, they’re a threat, because healing drains her... and there’s no telling how they might react when they wake up without an injury. And she tends to see hunters in everyone. They tend to blend in well. They’ve tried to get to her that way before, wearing normal clothing, cleaning themselves up... all to ask for help from her so they can get close enough to try to kill her.   If she wasn’t cautious, she’d be dead.   And, while it’s a paranoia necessary for her survival, it doesn’t do her any good when it comes to learning to trust someone.                  And to top it ALL off, even after she fully trusts someone, even after she’s let them see her wings, even after she’s allowed herself to begin to relax... she never fully will. and that’s when the guilt rears it’s head. She knows he hunters will kill anyone to get to her. They have before. So, it doesn’t matter how much she trusts in someone. As soon as the suspicion wears off, it’s replaced by the fear that she’s going to get them killed... and she’ll have to start fighting off the urge to run and take any trace she was there with her.    So, uh. Yeah.  Mahia has a lot of complicated emotions. And I have a lot of complicated emotions about her.  I love this healer birb. and she needs so many hugs. And love. And just.... protec the healer birb, pls. 

[curioussubjects]

come be a season 12 truther, baby, with me

In honor of tonight’s Berens/Glynn episode (!!!!), I’d like to take y’all on a magical journey in which I share why I think Dean and Cas got together in season 12. 

Keep in mind that this post takes for granted that Dean and Cas are in love with each other and that their relationship has been increasingly coded as romantic with each passing season. Consequently, what this post does is point out some key moments in their relationship and argue why they don't get together before 12. I'll also go briefly over 13 and 14 for reasons I'll explain later in the post. First, though, let me go over seasons 4 through 11, with some pit stops along the way:

Seasons 4 & 5: this isn’t the destiel you are looking for. the ust is delicious, yes, and i, too, got sucked in posthaste immediately groped by an angel lj community style. At this point Cas is still too alien for anything beyond the development we see on screen happen. HOWEVER, season 5 is the first time we get to see Cas being human (The End) and Cas being less connected to heaven and how that affects his behavior. This will matter. 

Seasons 6 & 7: the pining omg the pining. The notable things I want to point out with these seasons is a. this is the beginning of Cas doing things to spare Dean and it not ending well (Cas dies #1, soulless!Sam); b. Dean is v. sad; and c. we also start noticing the emotional toll of Cas’s divided loyalties and how human he has actually become since s4. Hurty feels all around.  

Season 8: purgaytory babes aw yeah! Still lots of terrible awful pining. This is a turning point with the addition of the bunker as tfw hq: we have a home in play now, a static emotional center. Cas is still off doing his own thing, Dean still wishes Cas would just let him (+ Sam) help out. Cas going off on his own leads to disaster #2 (Angels fall, Cas loses his Grace). For all deliciously angsty get together purgatory fics and spec, there’s too much of a gap between Dean and Cas on Cas’s part due to his guilt over betraying the Winchesters in s6 & slaughtering angels & leviathan. On the other hand, we do see Dean being more emotionally open, but to no avail. Bad timing. This is a trend. [oop also worth noting we get Dean being kinda done with the one night stand thing because always with the adios and ahem also hint hint Cas refusing to stay put]

Seasons 9 & 10: aka Dean and Cas make bad decisions, but mostly Dean. The biggest turning point here is Cas being human for an extended period of time. There is still plenty of spec over the effects of being human on Cas’s Grace and his Soul. What we can say for sure, though, is that Cas is much more human once he becomes an angel again. In contrast to s8, s9 sees Cas being vulnerable and Dean pushing him away (first because of Gadreel, which he didn’t want to do really and that’s even sadder kdjfgksdfj & later because he was pushing everyone away due to the mark).  

9.06 Heaven Can’t Wait: there’s been so much amazing fic and spec about this episode with its fanfiction gap, but I can’t see a deancas get together here, folks. I know, it’s terrible. The lying from Dean and the hurt from Cas, imo, make the distance between them quite insurmountable at this point. While the episode is amazing (Bobo’s debut, too! So ♥) and has some notorious subtext throughout, I just can’t see the character bridging that gap into anything physical, much less emotional. Nevertheless, this episode does show perhaps the first intentional romantic tableaux with Dean and Cas, and that’s not nothing. 

10.16 Paint it Black: from the point Dean gets the mark of cain until the end of season 10, anything between him and Cas is quite impossible. But one of the reasons I’m bringing up this episode in particular is because of the confession scene. For one, it’s a rare bit of emotional honesty from Dean and for two, it tells me that while he and Cas may be well aware of the thing between them, it’s still uncharted waters. Makes sense, too, there’s been A LOT going on since s6.  Anyway, he’s the full confession, so we can put a pin on it:

You know, the life I live, the work I do…I pretty much just figured that that was all there was to me, you know? Tear around and jam the key in the ignition and haul ass until I ran out of gas. I guess I just thought sooner or later, I’d go out the same way that I live – pedal to the metal, and that would be it. [...]  Now, um… recent events, uh… make me think I might be closer to that than I really thought. And…I don’t know. I mean, you know, there’s – there’s things, there’s…people, feelings that I-I-I want to experience differently than I have before, or maybe even for the first time. [...]  Yeah, I’m just starting to think that… maybe there’s more to it all than I thought.

Do you ever see a character having an epiphany and find yourself wanting to cry because this is it right here. Dean is just blatantly admitting he wants more, which all culminates in season 11, so...

Season 11: The pining is still here, but it’s worse now since it’s the whole plot? It’s been *checks calendar* 5 years of this. How are any of us still kicking I don’t know. Your slow burns could never. Cool worth noting points: Cas says yes to Luci (bad decision #2.5, lots of mitigating effects_I don’t actually hold it against him that much but Dean is another story & not entirely rational at this point); for the first time since the early days, Dean and Cas are on equal grounds: they’ve both fucked up a lot and have hurt each other. The issues this season are outside their dynamic. Amara and Lucifer here serve as externalizing forces for Dean and Cas’s problems and by the end of the season we’re getting a clean slate. We’re also getting a new showrunner, so. No wonder. What this season does that is also super important is that it sets up the stage for the possibility of an actual relationship between Dean and Cas, something that has, up until this point, been pretty much impossible. 

11.04 Baby: Y’all know what I’m about to quote here, right? The convo between Dean and Sam about having something with someone who understands the life. Here we still have Dean reverting to the idea that it’s impossible, which is a direct contrast to the openness in 10.16. It’s understandable, though, considering there’s been little reason to think anything like that would be possible (see all the mess and poor timing from seasons past). The quote in question, though, marks a continuing development in on of the things Dean is struggling with this season:

DEAN: Piper? That's awesome. Heather. One-night wonders, man. Shoot, we're lucky we still get that at all.  SAM: Really? You don't . . . Ever want something more? DEAN: I'm sorry, have you met us? We're batting a whopping zero in domestic life, man. Goose eggs. SAM: You don't ever think about something? Not marriage or whatever. But . . . Something? You know, with a hunter? Somebody who understands the life?

Compare this exchange with what we get from 11.11 and 11.19:

11.11 Into the Mystic: I’m bringing this episode as a crossreference to 10.16 and to show again that for all the closeness between Dean and Cas there’s still a marked distance they haven’t yet bridged. Thanks Mildred for the delicious exposition:

Darlin'...If there's one thing I've learned in all my years on the road, it's when somebody's pining for somebody else. [...]  Oh, don't try and hide it now. Follow your heart. Remember?

11.19 The Chitters: Continuing our trek regarding Dean wanting certain things we have this gift of an episode with Jesse and Cesar, and this exchange:

Dean: [with realization] Oh, so … [points back and forth to Jesse and Cesar] Cesar: Yeah. Dean: Okay, that’s… Cesar puts his beer bottle on the table and looks at Dean, while Jesse is being silent. Dean: What’s it like, settling down with a hunter? Cesar: Smelly, dirty. [turns to Jesse] Twice the worrying about getting ganked.

I’d like to point out, too that the fear of getting ganked is thematic when it comes to the tension between Dean and Cas. More on this when we hit s13. 

Alright, now having said that, let’s take a look at season 12. Bear in mind, this is the official start of Dabb’s era, even if he kinda began taking over in 11, and the change in vibes is obvious. In fact, 12 jumped out at me as a turning point in retrospect, after getting smacked by the domesticity of 13 and 14. Under the cut because I can’t shut up, and things are long enough as is. 

Season 12:  Finally, the promise land, y’all. So, what s11 was for Dean in terms of setting up the relationship stage, s12 was for Cas. In its initial beats, any way. Important to keep in mind that until the Kelly debacle, this was the longest Cas has been around the bunker. Things seem remarkably chill. Of course, we’ll notice that there’s still a lot of baggage hanging around because despite Dean and Cas being in a more stable place, they haven’t actually dealt with their interpersonal problems. I didn’t single out directly this episode, but do keep in mind Cas’s declaration in 12.09 First Blood as far as how much the Winchesters matter to Cas & how we also see Dean and Cas be particularly singled out with them seating together in the backseat of the Impala. 

12.10 Lily Sunder Has Some Regrets: This episode, oh my god, the goodness. In the wake of 12.09 we have Dean and Cas in a tiff because Cas mistake #3 (killing Billie and “cosmic consequences”), this is a pattern. Twice the worry of getting ganked, etc etc. But where this episode really shines is through the contrast between Ishim’s obsession with Lily and Cas & Dean’s mutual affection for each other. Ishim sees no difference here and, to him, Cas’s feelings for Dean are a human weakness. Returning to my point about human!Cas, this episode underscores that Cas’s increasing humanity is what puts him in the place where he can want what Dean wants instead of either being too alien to get it (see s4 & 5) or unable to experience it properly (Ishim). 

12.12 Stuck in the Middle (With You): Cas’s trajectory culminates here with the whole I love you (@ Dean), I love all of you (@ Winchesters). Let’s note too that Cas is dying here, in a way that is much more human than going up in light. This declaration of different types of love is entirely human. It’s also a definitive step wrt to Cas and Dean’s relationship because of what happens in 12.19. This. is. it.

Offscreen happenings: Mixtape, how Cas knows the Colt is under Dean’s pillow. This is hella suspicious. 

12.19 The Future: This episode changes everything, y’all (bobo and meredith, folks, bobo and meredith ksjdhfakjshlfksd). Consider watching this episode again and pay attention to some weird things: 1. Dean’s reaction to Cas going awol. Compare it to Sam’s, who is like whoa Dean chill. Now, thought experiment, imagine something happened between Dean and Cas, and then just radio silence from Cas. Imagine how Dean would react with getting ghosted by Cas specifically after something happened between them.  2. Cas comes back to the bunker with the specific goal of stealing the Colt, which he already knew was under Dean’s pillow -- something Sam didn’t even know.  3. “He came into my room and he played me.” So, this quote right there, makes it seem like some seduction for personal gain, right? But Cas clearly knew where the Colt was already, which means something happened before  Cas came back to the bunker. Cas played Dean in seeming to have reconsidered not working with Sam and Dean wrt Kelly. This is still a point of drama, but it leads somewhere else (see s13 & s15). 4. WHEN DID DEAN GIVE CAS THAT MIXTAPE OMG 5. Dean and Cas’s brief convo in Dean’s room is clearly Dean just wanting Cas to stay, so they can work (and be) together -- because they’re better that way. Which, yeah, truth. 

Sequence of events: Cas tells Dean he loves him -- Dean is clearly shook by it -- Dean gives Cas a mixtape (romantic gesture, often a declaration of feelings; in true Dean speak too lolsobs) -- Cas somehow knows the Colt is under Dean’s pillow -- ???? -- Cas goes awol -- Dean acts like he got ghosted by his partner.

Like. Y’all realize they probably had some emotionally constipated getting together moment, right? Something that Dean clearly initially thought meant things were gonna change, now. Something that Cas couldn’t allow to happen until he could give Dean a win. Y’all are seeing this, yeah? I’m not saying they slept together and were full of feelings, except that’s kind of what I’m saying. But ymmv, there are other possibilities beyond sex. The full of feelings isn’t up for debate, though, even if the whole thing is informed by ridiculous amounts of miscommunication. 

Ok, maybe the narrative is still too subtle (?????), but as I said before, looking at 12 with the knowledge of 13 and 14 does offer a new perspective because of the difference in dynamic between Dean and Cas. I know lots of people look at 14, mainly, as having dialed back on the destiel side of things, but I always thought that was a strange take. Largely because they’re so domestic and their dynamic, ie, the lack of tension, reads like an established relationship. It’s a different kind of beast than we have been used to so far, so it does look alien on screen, especially since we “skipped” the conventional getting together cue that would let us change gears. Let’s take a look at 13 and 14, then.

Season 13: Ah, yes, the season of shit gets domestic. The pining? Gone? What? Deancas now reading like an established couple? It’s more likely than you think.

13.1-13.5: Dean’s grief mini-arc. Dude’s acting like a widower. We all know this. I want to gesture towards the reunion moment though with “it’s never too late to start all over again.” To. Start. All. Over. Again. I’m just saying. 

13.6 Tombstone: hi this episode is pure love and Dean is so happy his sweetheart is back from the dead? He’s even ok being Jack’s third dad now? What a time to be alive. Also? apparently Dean and Cas were just having movie night together? Dates? Mutual Pining dates prior to shit going to hell in 12? Do you ever cry? What else are they getting up to offscreen? What else will they get up to off screen? MUCH TO THINK ABOUT. 

Season 14: MORE DOMESTICITY. With some pining because Michael. But...heart eyes when Dean comes back? Watch that scene again with Dean going off to shower. Suspicious. But then shit hits the fan and we’re all sad again. boo. 

14.15 Peace of Mind: Look me in the eye and tell me Dean and Cas talking in the kitchen about Jack doesn’t read like husbands talking about their child. Look me in the eye and tell me Cas just texting Dean to gossip about Sam isn’t coupley asf. 

14.18-14.20: Ah, yes, the divorce arc. Awful. Terrible. The culmination of Dean’s problem in all this: he lashes out, he pushes Cas away, his anger is alienating. Cue all of us suffering. But while Dean is clearly in the wrong in how the deals with his feelings, let’s not pretend some of his anger doesn’t come from a long established issue between him and Cas, which had its last traumatic turn when Cas died in s12. Dean isn’t being rational here; he saw Cas doing something on his own, and he saw that his mother is dead. What else could happen? Why won’t Cas just trust they can work as a team? Divorce arc was entirely too literal. 

But what about what we’re building up in 15? That seems like it could be a getting together plot, too, right? Well, yeah. It could very well be. But I’d argue the tension we’re seeing isn’t a will they or won’t they because they already have. The tension is instead will they or won’t they use their words to talk about the baggage that has kept them from truly being confident about their relationship. There’s a crucial step in their togetherness that they’re still missing, which is also the bedrock of the divorce arc that spanned TWELVE FRIGGIN’ EPISODES. Y’all. Y’all that’s half a season. And we’re not even entirely done with it yet because Dean was cut short in purgatory, and they haven’t dealt with Cas’s side of blame in this mess yet either -- that Cas keeps going off on his own and getting hurt (and getting other people hurt), and Dean has to deal with the fallout. The deep emotional understanding, the truly being on the same page is what we’re on the edge of our seats for. And, you know, that’s a whole lot more exciting than witnessing their for realsies first kiss. I’m also confident Dabb & co will deliver the conclusion to this emotional arc and it will be a whole mess of feelings on all our parts. 

For the moment, though, it’s looking a lot like Dean and Cas had a rocky start to their ~involvement, then DEATH, then they got together feat. sweet sweet domestic fluff, then DIVORCE. So, yeah. Season 12, guys; it’s where it’s at. 

As for the more performative aspect of Dean and Cas’s relationship…that’s a whole other thing and all I can say is they got the green light for something, but I don’t know what it is and it’s driving me bananas, but it’s definitely something and we can talk about that, too. Place your bets, etc.  I’m clowning on the “I love you” pay off because it’s a glaring missing piece in this whole story. See also: holding hands? Carving Cas’s initials on the table? Saileen endgame parallels? All supported by the narrative. Like a lot. So. *finger guns*

[scripttorture]

I'm currently writing a character around the age of 13, who has been in solitary confinement since the age of 9, they were locked away by someone they saw as an older sibling figure (and were previously abused, physically and emotionally, between the ages of 5/6-9) by this person. They were taken out for “missions” (which involved having to hurt/kill people) by other people they considered their friends. They had previously existing mental health issues and were notably viewed as sadistic- (1-?)

by the people around them. Prior to being in the company of their abuser they were abused by their parents / people at a hospital they were sent to. During their time in confinement they had almost no contact with anyone for the first year (other than a guard sliding meals into their room), and then later contact every three months with one of their other abusers, then eventually contact to some of the people who took them out for missions. Otherwise they have had no contact with people (2/?)around their age, and have not had contact with anyone around their age since they were three. They had no way to see the outside world, and in their cell they only had very dim light. Later on they are severely traumatized by two people who torture them to use their fantasy-esque hallucination powers against a large amount of people. They hate this ability very much and really wish not to have it. I’m really sorry if this question makes you uncomfy or if it’s too long or specific,, (¾)but are there any tips you can give me for this character and their reactions to what they have been through? I really want to portray them in a more varied light even though they have both been through a lot of horrible things and done a lot of horrible things (hurting people willingly n such),,, I’m sorry if it comes off as insensitive as rude.

-

It’s not rude or too long or specific. And it takes quite a bit to make me uncomfortable. You are fine Anon. :)

 But this scenario isn’t realistic. I’m going to talk about what you’ve got wrong here, but try not to beat yourself up about it. I’m here because it’s difficult to find this information and a lot of people make these mistakes.

 First off if you’re using torture to ‘force’ a character to be violent then you’re buying into two very common apologist tropes: the idea that torture makes survivors obedient and the idea that it makes survivors violent/dangerous. These are not true. And they are used to justify barring real survivors from treatment and support.

 You can read about commonly used apologist tropes here.

 You’re massively underestimating the damage caused by solitary confinement, especially to children this young.

 For reference the ‘safe’ period of solitary confinement for adults is thought to be a week.

 You may want to have a look at the masterpost on solitary confinement, here.

 I’m not sure a child of nine would survive four years in solitary confinement. Some adults don’t and all the evidence we have suggests solitary is much more dangerous for children then adults.

 If they did survive they’d be even less use on violent missions then an ordinary child. Their physical and mental development would be severely impaired. They’d probably be able to talk but- they’d appear visibly mentally ill and would probably not be able to blend in around other people in any way.

 They’d be likely to have obvious, severe panic attacks and meltdowns when taken outside. They might not be able to walk down a normal street. They could also have pretty bad eye sight due to the dim lighting in their cell.

 Depending on how some of their symptoms manifest they could easily have problems related to starvation and sleep deprivation as well. At this sort of age that means a permanent drop in intellectual and physical ability/potential. It means an individual who is weaker, less intelligent, more prone to illness and has a slower reaction time. They also tend to have a shorter overall life.

 Insomnia is a common symptom of trauma generally. Depression, which is another common symptom, can cause nausea and sometimes vomiting. Over a long period of time that can mean a character isn’t eating enough and over this age range that is especially dangerous.

 You can find the masterpost on sleep deprivation here. And the masterpost on starvation here.

 This is without factoring in the other abuse this character is suffering throughout their childhood.

 Solitary confinement makes all tested mental health problems worse (and oh boy we have tested a lot of them thanks to the American prison system).

 The kind of familial abuse you’re describing makes it likely that the character would already have several severe mental health conditions before being put in solitary confinement.

 Keep in mind that the data set for children is almost entirely older then the character you’re writing (majority 15-18, I am aware of one 12 year old in the data sets I’ve seen). The trend suggests the effect is worse the younger the child. So I may be underestimating the damage.

 Honestly? Factoring all of it in I’m not sure a child this young would survive six months. Solitary confinement is dangerous and it’s especially dangerous for children.

 These are common mistakes. I run this blog because I know it’s really easy for authors to make these mistakes. Especially with ‘clean’ tortures like solitary confinement.

 So let’s move on from what’s wrong to ways you can try and fix it.

 Get rid of any suggestion that torture or abuse ‘made’ this character dangerous or bad.

 If you want the character to comply with their abusers think about why they might choose to do that, rather then assuming they will be forced to by pain. Provide a clear reason for compliance.

 Take a look at this ask which talks about slavery and compliance to get an idea of why a character might choose to comply and how they might resist.

 I think you need to massively scale back the abuse this character suffers. I think you’d be better off removing the physical abuse, neglect/poor living conditions and reducing solitary confinement to a maximum of a month.

 If you want to you could split the incidences of solitary confinement up. So for instance the character might be confined for a week at a stretch, but this might happen every two or three months. In an adult I don’t think this would necessarily cause permanent damage (although it would cause pain and distress). However since solitary has a bigger effect on children I think this would probably have a lasting effect on a young child.

 That’s if you’re sure you want to use solitary confinement. I think you need to decide whether solitary confinement or these successful violent missions are more important to the story. I don’t think you can have both unless you’re prepared to age the character up by about a decade. (Even then I would consider it extremely unlikely: trauma survivors do not make good soldiers).

 I can not tell you what the most important aspect of this story is. That decision is yours.

 But I don’t think solitary confinement in a child this young is compatible with learning or success in anything but the most basic tasks (ie menial labour, breaking rocks, making bricks etc). The sheer scale of health problems, mental and physical, would get in the way.

 Having the character fail, or be unable to do something, isn’t necessarily a bad thing. From what you’ve said I get the impression that what this character actually does isn’t necessarily the focus so much as what they feel they’re to blame for. And what other people blame them for.

 So if the character is sent ‘on missions’ which they can’t successfully complete, that would be possible. And I think that it could feed in to this idea of the character carrying a lot of guilt and self-blame.

 That could also fit very well with realistic memory problems as a long term symptom of solitary. I have a masterpost on that here.

 Inaccurate memories are very common in torture survivors. Usually this means that the basic details are correct but a lot of the other details of the memory are wrong. So for instance if a survivor says they remember being beaten that probably happened. But they may be wrong about the timing of the attack, the lay out of the room, the clothes the attacker was wearing and a dozen other things.

 Your character could remember being sent on these missions with other people, being told to attack people and honestly trying to do it. But they might be wrong about who actually killed the target and how useful they actually were on the mission.

 I think they’d be especially likely to over-estimate how dangerous they are if the people around them keep telling them they’re dangerous, violent etc.

 It’s possible to write that sort of scenario without falling into tropes about torture giving torturers complete control over their victims. Or suggesting that abuse has made torture survivors dangerous.

 But honestly? That’s hard.

 I think the better options (especially if you’re just starting and not confident writing survivors) are to either remove all kinds of physical abuse/neglect, keeping the missions and emotional manipulation/abuse or to remove the missions and keep a very scaled down version of the physical abuse/neglect.

 The masterpost on solitary, starvation and sleep deprivation linked above and the sources in those posts should help you if you feel the abuse is the more important part of the story.

 Remember that children are more vulnerable to the effects of solitary confinement and starvation, both have a greater negative effect at younger ages. Remember that my estimates and lists of effects assume the character is an adult.

 Remember that while long term psychological symptoms are unpredictable (making it perfectly fine for authors to pick and choose the psychological symptoms they want to write) the physical effects of starvation and lack of sleep are not unpredictable. If you want to commit to writing this sort of torture then you are committing to the character suffering from those physical effects. At this age range that means lifelong effects ranging from a higher cancer risk to stunted growth and weaker bones.

 For the other option it’s a lot simpler: show how awful emotional abuse can be.

 You’re talking about a nine year old child. Someone who is almost entirely dependant on the adults around them.

 Without other input if those people tell this child they are dangerous, they are bad the child will probably believe it. If they tell the child the only ‘good’ and valuable thing they can do, to please the adults, is these dangerous missions, then the child will probably do their best to complete these missions.

 A child who is raised to believe that no one outside their familial circle could ever love them is unlikely to try and leave. In fact they’d probably bend over backwards to stay in the family and prove their worth. Even though the environment is toxic. Even though that love is conditional and comes with a high price.

 We value our social circles incredibly highly. It takes a lot to make us go against them or leave them. Physical abuse and neglect is one of the things that can drive us to leave.

 I feel like one of the problems here is a lack of confidence, or may be conviction on your part. I get the impression that you don’t feel entirely confident in your ability to show this character is suffering. So you’re compensating by piling more on to the character.

 In my experience that approach just doesn’t work. It’s understandable but you have better options.

 First off, read what survivors say about their experiences and their lives. You can find quotes from survivors of solitary confinement in this sourcebook. You can find accounts of emotional manipulation and abuse by looking up accounts from people raised in cults.

 Secondly practice. Write different scenarios. Experiment and give yourself permission to fail, that’s part of how we learn.

 Remember that it isn’t what happens to the characters that effects readers. It is your words. It really is all in how you write.

 A good writer can make the loss of a sock emotional and a bad writer can make the loss of a limb seem dull.

 I hope that helps. :)

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Disclaimer

[raayllum]

If you were a writer of the show, would you have done something different about any character or the story itself? If so, what?

the only thing I can think of is a bit more focus on Ezran in general? I don’t think I’d change anything about S1, but in early S2 I would’ve liked to see what he felt about the whole situation with Soren and Claudia. While I get why the focus is on Callum and Rayla and I think it’s smart to keep the conflict more contained, Ez goes along with the illusionist plan in 2x03, so he was updated on the situation at least. I don’t think he would’ve been as conflicted about it, as Callum and Rayla are more of the ‘decision makers’ of their little group mostly due to their age, but just knowing how Ezran felt about it would’ve been nice. (Novelization maybe?)

However, S3 then took this relative story/character flaw - Ezran not making a lot of decisions (although he does make quite a few important ones in S1, but you know where I’m getting at) and turned it into a focus, which is exactly what I was hoping for with him, arc-wise. 

This is also less of nitpick and more “this didn’t go along as I expected” but I thought we’d see Callum and Rayla struggle a bit more with Ezran being gone (before I realized just how much one-on-one time they were spending in S2 already, in retrospect; his intervening presence wasn’t as much of a thing post-s1 as they got their shit together). 

I also wouldn’t have minded seeing a bit more of Ezran’s explicit grief (during a subplot seeing him actually travelling back to Katolis with Corvus, for example) although I think the show does a good job at highlighting how much taking on the crown is, to some degree, a dual grieving process of both his father and childhood in many respects. (And a scenario a oneshot I want to write will heavily explore.) Much of what I imagined happening when Ez and Corvus were travelling back in terms of doubts and worries happened in 3x02 anyway, so we got the emotional beat not necessarily where I was expecting it, but in a better, more ‘economically smart’ storytelling placement. 

I found S3’s general timeline a bit confusing — ie. Ezran somehow travelling something that would’ve taken a week at least (as the kids get side tracked and held up more than a couple of times — like, the majority of s1 lmao) in the same ‘timespan’ it takes Callum and Rayla to get past Sol Regem — but I also like, get it, and I’m having fun with everything going on, so… I don’t care? But it’d be helpful for fic writing purposes to see it get cleaned/cleared up a bit, lol. 

I also just want flashbacks to basically everyone’s childhood / younger years, please.

[violetsmoak]

Philtatos [1/?]

AO3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20101543/chapters/47615902

Blanket Disclaimer

Summary: During a patrol where Red Hood and Red Robin cross paths, Jason is infected with the blood of the Eros, the ancient God of Love, who informs them that they must track down his missing bow and arrows, or Jason will go slowly mad with an obsessive desire--for Tim. Though overwhelmed by the sudden attention being paid to him, Tim sets to work trying to solve the case, before Jason succumbs to madness. In the meantime, Jason discovers that there's more than godlike powers at work here, as well as a legacy that reaches back through the sands of time. 

Rating: PG-13 (rating may change later)

Beta Reader: None at the moment, but if anyone’s interested, message me through Tumblr.

JayTimBingo Prompts This Chapter: #art #gods in disguise #wings

Canon-Compliance: Follows the New Earth continuity, with elements of New 52 (ie the ones that don’t completely contradict everything that happened pre-Flashpoint). Ignores Rebirth completely. So, up to about 2016 in terms of publication dates? Robins War happened, but Red Hood hasn’t met Artemis or Bizarro, and nothing bad has happened to Roy ffs! 

———————————————————————————————————–

“Of all the warehouses in all the towns in all the world, you grappled onto mine.”

Tim suppresses a groan at the faux amusement even a voice modulator can’t disguise and prepares for the likelihood that his careful planning is about to go to shit. It’s as irritating as the customary flutter in his stomach.

He shifts out of his crouch at the edge of the warehouse skylight and inclines his head to the right, taking in the familiar leather-clad figure and expressionless red helmet. He’s not sure how he didn’t sense the larger man approach or at least hear the tread of his boots.

Jason knows how to be quiet when he needs to be.

Quirks of being a Robin; the habit of creeping around like a living shadow doesn’t disappear, even years after the fact.

“This isn’t your warehouse,” Tim replies at last, careful to keep his tone neutral and not betraying his irritation. While he doubts his predecessor would try to take him out from behind (he’s 89% sure, at least), Red Hood has tried to kill him several times and in several ways in the past.

Jason acts as if he didn’t hear him.

“Might be time to go back to school, Timbers, if you can’t even recognize a Casablanca reference. I thought you’re supposed to be the cultured one.”

“Except for Star Wars, I prefer my movies to be from the post-John Hughes era.”

“Heathen.”

It’s hard to tell if Jason is shuddering in disgust, or in response to the biting November chill; either is possible. Leather isn’t known for its insulating properties.

On nights like this, Tim can’t help being way more in awe of former Robins. When he wore the colors, he had thermal warmers built into his suit—Dick and Jason used to do this job in short-pants.

“Anyway, I’d never buy land here,” Jason continues, a deceptive nonchalance in his tone putting Tim on edge. “It’s right in a flood zone. I dunno about you, but I had enough floods to last a lifetime.”

“Hood, what are you doing here?”

“Should ask you that. I thought you were in California or something. Team-building exercises with the other kiddy heroes or whatever it is you do.”

Tim ignores the way his heart jumps at the notion that Jason gave any attention to his whereabouts. “Business trip. What’s your excuse?”

“Missed the smell of smog and sewer. Needed to get my fix.”

Right, because I really expected him to tell me the actual truth.

“Uh-huh.”

The two former Robins size each other up for several seconds, and not for the first time, Tim curses the helmet hiding Jason’s face. He hates not being able to read people, but in his experience, not being able to read Jason has the potential to turn deadly.

“Are we done?” Tim prompts.

“Yeah, we’re good. Now make like a Bat and step off.” Jason’s reached into his side holsters—and yes, there are the modified M1911 pistols he favors. Tim’s awareness of his position between Jason and the skylight grows. “I’ve got a creep that needs to fear of Hood put in him.”

There is an implicit order to back off, but Tim squares his shoulders.

As if that’s ever worked on any of us.

He has no intention of relinquishing his case, and not just because he dislikes Jason’s style of justice. Tim gets sidelined enough by both Batmans and Robin whenever he’s in Gotham, he won’t knuckle under because Red Hood also demands it. Tim might be a bit in love with the guy, but he knows how to compartmentalize.   

His feelings are inconvenient, but he’s resigned himself to them. He can pinpoint the exact moment it started to happen.

(His childhood fascination with Robin doesn’t count, even if it was watching Jason bulldoze his path through petty criminals that made him breathless and giddy in a way watching Dick never had.)

Tim blames the waffles.

No, that’s not right; he blames himself for asking Jason to stay for the waffles.

And the talking.

Which led to the joking.

Which led to that one moment where Jason, with syrup all down his chin, laughed at one of Tim’s throway remarks. Laughed, not sneered or scoffed, but genuinely laughed. It was unguarded and untouched by bitterness, warm and rich and his smile was that cocky twist Tim could remember from so many years ago. Something in Tim’s chest pulled tight, his mouth going dry, and he felt lightheaded. 

He should have known at that exact moment, because that’s what happened with Steph, when he looked at her one day and realized, he liked her.

Except with Jason, Tim thought he was just recovering from his surprise that his predecessor agreed to stick around for a while. And that they were getting along and that Jason was laughing.

After that, it was a slow roll toward the inevitable that he unknowingly (totally knowingly) ignored. He’s always excelled at shielding himself from his own feelings—had to be. But every time they met each other on random patrols that crossed over, or amid the monthly major crisis involving the whole Family or when Tim ran into him at the manor visiting Alfred, that buoyant emotion returned, stronger each time.

Sometimes he lets himself imagine that Jason gravitates to him more than anyone else. It fills him with the same dizzy warmth as whenever Jason gives him a look—one of those conspiratorial ones like he and Tim are sharing a joke, except half the time Tim doesn’t know what the joke is and the other half he’s sure it’s him, because what moron falls for the guy that’s tried and almost succeeded in killing him more times than he likes to admit?

He keeps quiet about his feelings, though. It’s not as if it’s something that will ever pan out. It’s simiar to having a crush on a celebrity; fun, if a little sad, to dream about, but never serious. In private, he figures he has a better chance of a healthy relationship with Lynx than with Jason.

He’s accepted that and intends to go on with his life.

“I lose you somewhere there?”

Jason’s voice startles Tim out of his head—he realizes he’s been silent for about thirty seconds—and he gives himself a mental shake. “Just trying to figure out your angle. This isn’t really your…thing.”

“Shows what you know.”

Arguments with Jason are an exercise in futility and Tim refuses to justify his continued involvement in his own investigation—call if professional pride. Instead, he restructures his plan for apprehending his target, accounting for the new and often volatile presence of the Red Hood. He wasn’t looking for a team-up, but he’s pretty sure that’s what’s about to happen.

Tim sighs inwardly.

Just because he’s used to his plans imploding because of Jason, doesn’t mean he has to like it. As to why Jason’s here, it only takes a mental review of the case to figure it out.

“Bunny Vreeland?” he guesses.

“Got it in one.”

Tim nods, because given the specifics of this case, that would be the angle Jason focussed on.

A spate of burglaries have occurred across the city, resulting in Gotham’s elite families and institutions losing valuable pieces of art. Normally Tim would leave a case like this to the GCPD—it should be pretty open-shut, since every theft that’s occurred has been witnessed by the victim.

Except, none of the witnesses seem to be able to recall anything that happened. And somehow, the extant security footage has offered no answers either. As for museums and galleries, those meant to be on guard with security were discovered…doing other things. A lot of them were found in some rather compromising positions, both alone and when working with a partner.

(Tim suppresses a shudder. He could have gone his entire life without seeing the footage a sweat-stained, middle-aged rent-a-cop taking care of himself the Natural History Museum’s security office.)

None of the victims remember how they ended up that way.

That sort of thing, he’d normally suspect it involved Poison Ivy, but she always leaves spores or trails of toxin behind. Every crime scene so far has been clean of any trace evidence.

Whoever is cutting a swath through Gotham’s art collectors has a specific taste—paintings, sculptures and wood cuttings with decidedly risqué themes. Given the behavior of the witnesses and security personnel, it’s entirely conceivable that there’s a metahuman with some kind of… pheromone projection ability running around Gotham. That alone wouldn’t draw Jason’s attention. Except, the latest person to fall prey to the thief was a teenaged girl. And while the age of consent in New Jersey is sixteen, the consenter in question needs to remember giving it to be valid.

Hence Red Hood’s involvement. 

“That happened yesterday,” Tim points out. He’s not sure what is more annoying to him: the fact he’s been on this case for a week and Jason thinks he can show up and take it from him, or that Jason’s been looking into it for less than twenty-four hours and has already tracked down the suspect. “How did you figure out you should come here?”

Okay, so it’s probably the latter.

“It’s art, right? Whoever’s doing this need somewhere to store the pieces, even if it’s only waiting to sell them off. And it’d have to be somewhere easy to get in and out of without drawing attention. I kept an ear out for any property changing hands around here that was inside the theft radius.”

“I checked recent property purchases, though. There haven’t been any for the past two months.”

“Well, there wouldn’t be any records of it if it was a handshake deal—which this was,” Jason replies. “It might not be on the record, but this place is now under the ownership of a Steven Howard.” He tilts his head to one side, and Tim suspects he’s being smirked at. “Why, what overly complicated scheme did you come up with to find this guy?”

There’s that teasing again, although the amusement is more genuine this time. Tim hopes the cowl covers enough of his face to hide the flush in his cheeks.

“I used tonight’s WE charity auction to showcase several pieces remaining from my parents’ collection, specifically those that fit the tastes of our thief,” he explains. “It was a last-minute decision, but I know a certain reporter that’s more than happy to plaster my name across newspapers and social media everywhere.”

“I don’t doubt that.”

“I was hoping to catch the guy in the act, but I got intercepted by a bunch of Lockheed Martin reps and couldn’t get away.”

“Probably for the best, or he’d have put the whammy on you, too.”

“Maybe.” He doesn’t say he would rather it had been him than the event organizer; the poor woman had been frazzled enough before succumbing to the wiles of the mystery thief. “I had a contingency if it happened.” Specifically, a taser in the sleeve of his suit. “Luckily, I left microtracers on the stolen pieces and used the GPS to find where they were taken.”

“How did you manage that? This guy’s been knocking out every electrical device he’s gone up against.”

“Devices that are turned on, yes. You don’t need a GPS to be turned on to trace it—”

His explanation trails off as the computer in his cowl alerts him to someone setting off the motion sensors he planted a half-hour earlier. The thief was gone by the time Tim arrived at this warehouse, but he knew he would be back.

Showtime.

The shipping area is surprisingly empty but based on the security-feeds he’s hacked into dozens of stolen relics—paintings, sculptures and photographs fill the office. The ones he used as bait—a series of Edo-period shunga—have been placed with some prominence in the middle of the room.

He adjusts the screens within his cowl, toggling through nine different enhanced vision modes before he settles on heat-vision. Since cameras don’t seem to pick up this thief, he’s hoping thermal radiation will be a better bet.

Leather shifts and out of the corner of his eye, he notices Jason crouch down beside him.

Looks like he’s fine with us teaming up, at least.

Out loud, he says, “Wait for my signal. We have to confirm before we engage.”

“Sir, yes, sir,” is the snarky reply.

Tim rolls his eyes and settles back into his observational position.

Jason doesn’t like silence, or at least that’s what Tim thinks because he can’t think of a single instance where they worked together that the older vigilante didn’t run his mouth. Even now, he only manages for several minutes of quiet, shifting his weight back and forth impatiently, before he asks, “So what’s your interest in this? Gotham’s elite getting duped isn’t really your thing anymore. The way I hear, you’re a lot more international these days.”

Tim’s eyes don’t leave the window.

“This is international. There were similar crimes committed in Boston last week, which stopped once the thefts started here in Gotham. Before Boston it was St. John’s, before that Dublin, London—as far as I can tell, it originated in Amsterdam.”

“What’s in Amsterdam?”

“Besides spider assassins and stroopwafel? Catwoman. Except it can’t be her because when the second spate of incidents started up in London, she was in Innsbruck casing the Swarovski exhibit.”

“Then how’d you get a beat on this guy? I got nothing from the security footage. It’s like most of it was erased or malfunctioned.”

“It wasn’t easy. Vague witness statements and enhancing whatever footage was available, which barely helped. By accident, I caught something reflected in a shop window and that was the most tangible evidence.”

“So the guy doesn’t show up on cameras, but still has a reflection. So not a vampire.”

“Not human, either, I think. Somehow, this guy made it from Dublin to St. John’s without being flagged by any checkpoint or even Customs. There are no flight manifests, commercial or charter, that include passengers of his description. Or line up with his times of disappearance. I’ve got a second-hand witness description of him in a Boston lounge at ten o’clock last Monday. Fifteen minutes later on the same day, someone saw him walking around the Wedgewood Museum here in Gotham.”

“That’s where the first theft took place.” Jason makes crosses his arms. “Even if he had access to a plane that travels Mach 1, he wouldn’t get here that fast. Meta?”

“It’s the only explanation that makes sense, since it looks like whatever his powers, he can turn them off and on at will. Probably only uses them when he’s committing the break-ins.”

“And the—wait. There he is.”

They both go silent and watch the suspect enter.

It’s a bit anticlimactic.

Steven Howard looks nothing like a suave master thief that can stir up lustful feelings in anyone. Slender, perhaps as tall as Tim but with a slighter build, dressed in skinny jeans, several layers of shirts and thick black gloves. His dirty blond hair is literally filthy, hanging in the mats that white people try to pass off as dreadlocks, and he’s wearing tinted shades. Inside. At night.

Jason is just as unimpressed.

“Are you kidding me?” he hisses. “This scrawny, pale douche wearing sunglasses at night? He looks like someone didn’t realize Woodstock is over.”

They continue to observe as Howard shuffles into the middle of the room, carrying a huge paper bad with what appears to be enough Batburger to feed twelve people.

“It seems consistent with the descriptions I have,” Tim says, doubtful. “He just… doesn’t seem the type.” Jason is already standing, ready to dive through the skylight and confront the guy, but Tim stops him, throwing an arm out in front of him. “If he’s a meta, we need to have some idea of his capabilities first.”

“Or we knock him out before he knows we’re there and figure that out later.”

“If you want to get hit with whatever pheromones he gives off, be my guest, I promise I won’t take any blackmail videos,” Tim says, and that at least makes Jason pause and reassess.

Below, Howard places the takeout on a pile of crates, and strolls over to the Japanese prints. He considers them carefully for several seconds, before shucking his gloves and reaching forward, stroking his hand across the surface. Then, he presses his forehead against it, fingers caressing the edges.  

“Clearly not concerned with artifact preservation.”

“That’s weird, right? Rich people don’t usually walk around feeling up pieces of art?”

“I don’t know, Hood, do you?”

“I’m not rich.”

“You steal literal fortunes from gangsters.”

“Yeah, but it’s not like I keep much of it. And I didn’t grow up with a silver spoon in my mouth like a few other people I could name.”

“Bite me.”

“Kinky.”

The other man is obviously being a smart-ass, but Tim still clenches his fist and hopes his cowl is low enough on his face to disguise the flood of color in his cheeks.

Down below, Howard straightens up and tugs his shirts off.

“What the hell?” Jason hisses. “We’d better not be out to watch this guy beat off in front of a painting!”

Before Tim can respond, the lights in the warehouse flicker, as if hit by a sudden power surge. Howard rolls his shoulders, like he’s warming up for exercise, and there’s an odd snap that echoes even this high up. 

Two enormous feathered appendages erupt from the man’s back, like something out of a video game, except this is real life. One minute there’s nothing occupying the space behind him, and a beat later feathers flare out to both sides, spanning almost the entire office.

“Holy shit. Are those… wings?”

“You mean you’re seeing them too? And here I figured I haven’t been getting enough sleep.”

“Knowing you, probably not.”

 “Still want to jump in without a plan?”

“Shut up.”

Tim’s fingers fly over the keyboard of his wrist computer, manually inputting characteristics since he can’t seem to capture the guy’s face on his device. “Whoever or whatever he is, he’s a complete ghost. He doesn’t show up on any of the usual databases. Which is surprising, because, wings?”

Jason shakes his head, slow as if trying to dispel disbelief. “One thing’s for sure, this is definitely our guy…”

There is a squeal of tires from behind them, and Tim’s head whips toward the loading dock below the warehouse. He fiddles with his wrist computer, tapping into satellite imagery to see from the angle he can’t. A half dozen black SUVs swerve into the lot and a wave of men pile out, dressed in black and carrying a varied assortment of firearms.

And there goes the rest of my plan…

⁂

Jason creeps to the edge of the warehouse roof to check out the new arrivals, cursing against the newest complication; Red Robin showing up on his patrol and skinny white boys with wings weren’t bad enough, now he’s got to deal with gangster too?

This was supposed to be an easy night. Break a few bones, shatter a kneecap or two, then go finish off that leftover pizza.

He suspects that whatever this is, it’s going to take up the rest of his patrol.

“Who is it?” Tim wants to know, no doubt fiddling with his fancy tech to, like, use satellite imagining figuring it out instead using his eyes.

Nerd.

“I’m seeing a lot of Kalashnikovs and Makarovs,” Jason replies, tapping his comm so he doesn’t need to shout and give away their position.

“Russian? Ivgene maybe?”

“Bratva, I think. Those guys’ve been trying to push into Gotham since Alex Kosov got arrested and the Odessa Mob started to flounder.”

“Hm. I think you’re right. I’m going over the list of theft vics again, and Ishmael Knyazev is on it.”

“Knyazev…why does that sound familiar—wait. Like Anatoly Knyazev? KGBeast?”

“His younger brother.”

“Shit.”

“I’m pretty sure those Degas’ down there in the warehouse belong to him.”

“Guess he holds a grudge…”

Down on the pavement, the men spread out, a bulky guy bearing some resemblance to Slade Wilson but without the muscles gives orders. He barks at his men to surround the building, ordering them to retrieve the paintings and whatever else appears valuable, and detain the thief for their boss to speak to.

Jason snorts, because he knows what constitutes a Russian mafia talking-to. Steven Howard, or whoever he is, is about to have a lot in common with a plucked turkey. Assuming he goes quietly, which Jason isn’t entirely sure of; they still don’t know what wing-boy is capable of.

As he returns to the skylight, he notes Tim already standing and doing a pat-down check of his equipment.

“If they’re here to address a grudge with this guy, we need to get down there before it gets ugly. I figure we have about four minutes before they infiltrate the place.”

“What happened to not just jumping in?”

“About two dozen Bratva members.”

“Yeah, so? What should we care?” Jason counters. “A bunch of scumbags tearing each other apart sounds like a night off to me. And if Feathers there takes a bullet or three, even better.”

Tim faces him dead-on then, and Jason can imagine the reproachful look beneath his stupid cowl. “Theft isn’t a capital offense.”

“Rape is.”

In his mind, anyway.

“Not according to New Jersey Law, and we don’t get to make that call. That’s what the courts are for, and that’s where this guy is going after I interrogate him.”

Jason huffs and narrows his eyes. “We really gonna have this discussion now, kid?”

Tim bristles and turns away.

“No,” he retorts, “because we don’t have time. I’m going in—with or without you.”

And without sparing another glance at him, Tim takes a running leap and jumps through the skylight to mitigate impending disaster.

Jason remains still for a beat, watching as Red Robin plummet through the air to the warehouse below, glass and metal exploding around him, and then curses.

Because, of course his replacement is going to make it his business. Jason’s perfectly content to let these low lives take each other out—death by mobster is a pretty karmic fate for a rapist, in his opinion.

Tim hits the ground several feet behind their mark, who whirls around and stares with wide eyes. The feathers in his giant wings puff up, and he bends into a defensive crouch, a snarl upon his lips.

“Who the—you! What are you doing here?” ‘Howard’ snaps, clenching his fists.

“Getting you out of here before you become a pincushion,” Red Robin growls, snapping a hand outward to grab at him. “And you’re going to answer some questions.”

“Don’t touch me—!”

“Then get moving, or we’re both—”

Apparently, Tim’s estimate was about three minutes off, because there are muffled explosions from the entrances of the warehouse and then the mobsters are piling in, shouting commands and threats, guns in hand.

“—in trouble.”

Several men fire warning shots into the air, some of which bury themselves in the frame of the portraits nearest Tim and Howard, who gives a growl and shoves away from Tim, stalking toward the incoming threat. His wings flare up in anger. “You brutes dare to—!”

But his approach startles the mobsters, who apparently weren’t expecting to encounter a shirtless winged man coming after them.

Easily startled and trigger-happy—never a good combination.

Tim’s leg snaps out, sweeping Steve’s feet out from under him, just in time to save him from the next wave of bullets ripping through the air where his head was. As Tim lands on the ground with one hand, he uses his other to throw a fistful of R-shuriken that embed themselves in the shoulder of the nearest mobster, who drops his gun with pained curses.

Ah, hell.

Jason leaps over the ruined frame of the skylight.

If anyone asks later, it’s because he doesn’t want to explain to Alfred why the poster child of the family got killed in a mob shoot-out on his watch.

(And yes, just Alfred, because while everyone else can go fuck themselves, the number one rule of the family is that you don’t upset the kindly old Englishman that puts up with literal batshit.)

But the reality is, he’s not about to let the only Bat he trusts become riddled with bullets.

Tim isn’t his family, or a friend—they don’t know each other well enough for that—but there’s always been a kind of certainty to him, so Jason knows exactly where he stands with the other vigilante. And that he can turn his back on him without having to worry about an incoming knife or a nerve-strike.

When they first met, he zeroed in on Tim because of lingering resentment and a burning desire for vengeance on his replacement, misdirected as that might have been. Now that he’s mostly over the madness of the Lazarus Pit and endured a few grudging family team-ups in the face of Gotham’s usual psychopaths, his tendency to cross paths with Red Robin feels like it’s motivated by something more complicated. There’s a connection between them, a shared experience of being the replacement that no one really wanted, constantly measured against the legacy of their predecessor and then cast aside with painful ease. They’re outsiders in the family, in a way that neither Dick nor Damian will ever be, and in his own screwed up way, Jason is a bit protective of the kid.

(Not that he intends ever to admit that.)

So yeah, going after Tim isn’t really a choice.

Can’t promise I won’t shoot that winged fucker for causing all this trouble, though.

As he lands in a heavy crouch, Jason notices Tim’s mouth part in surprise; he can’t help being insulted by that.

Sure, they’re relationship can at best be described as limbo, but the kid should know by now Jason no longer hates him with a fiery passion. If he must partner with any of the Bats, he sticks close by Tim, and not only because he has less trouble asking him for help than Dick or Bruce.

(Seriously, the last time he called in a favor with Dick, he couldn’t even get the word out.)

Tim, back on his feet now, sends another hapless gunman flying in Jason’s direction with a well-placed right hook; the guy’s eyes go wide at the sight of the Red Hood, who swings and backhands him into unconsciousness. As the body goes limp, Jason grabs the falling gun with one hand, and uses the other to prop the mobster up as a shield.

Shoving him out in front of him, Jason ducks behind the body to avoid the rain of bullets now coming at him courtesy of this guy’s buddies, carefully inching forward behind his human shield.

“No killing!” Red Robin snaps from across the room; he tosses a tiny device at two more guys, and as it explodes, a controlled concussive blast knocks them to the ground.

“I’m not killing anyone.”

“You’re not exactly preventing it!”

“Everyone’s a critic…”

Still, at the next opportune moment, he throws the man aside and shoots the guns out of the hands of the three shooters, before whirling around to kneecap the fourth that sneaks up from behind him.

One of the injured men tries to come at him again, this time with a knife, but Jason ducks the clumsy blow with ease, punching him in the gut and dragging him into a headlock as he doubles over. He swings him to the ground, takes another shot to hobble him, and then ducks as the two other mobsters crowd him.

Howard looks like he’s trying to inch away from the firefight, but he’s sent back to the ground with a well-placed tap from Red Robin’s bo staff.

“Don’t go flying off just yet,” Tim growls, then vaults over him and puts himself between the winged man and another cadre of mobsters, sweeping his cape in front of them both to shield them.

Must have upgraded it to be bulletproof since I last saw him…

Jason throws one arm up to catch a downward swing from his nearest opponent, twists his body to avoid his comrade, and then strikes the latter in the face, rolling and twisting the arm in his grasp to send the man backward. Both now on the floor, he downs them with two precise shots to the knees, and then stalks forward to finish another with a front-kick to the sternum.

Nine down—how many left?

There’s a lull in the gunfire, and Jason engages his helmet’s infrared system to find the remaining mobsters; they appear to be retreating for the moment, but the thermal readings suggest they aren’t going far.

“Got an exit strategy?” he prompts, backing toward Tim and their hapless charge, guns still primed to shoot.

“You seriously still need to ask?”

“Does it involve going up? Because I don’t think that’s going to work.”

Tim follows Jason’s gaze toward the skylight where the Slade lookalike is perched, disengaging the safety on what Jason recognizes almost too late as a Dragunov.

And ten to one the fucker’s primed with armor-piercing rounds!

There’s only time for Jason to get one person down and to safety, and between the winged bastard that caused all of this, and Tim, there’s no contest.

He vaults forward as the first shots thunder through the air, throwing himself at Tim as bullets careen into Howard. Jason doesn’t know if it hits him anywhere vital, but they do pierce through the thick wings, sending him to the ground in a crumpled heap.

Several of the same bullets plow into Jason’s shoulder when he can’t quite move out of the way in time. He feels blood blossoming across his skin—not the numbing, bone-deep ache of a major injury, but more of a graze—as he lands on Tim’s less than cushioning body.

“Christ, kid, eat a sandwich,” he growls, tightening his hold on the kid and rolling them both out of the path of fire. With an inelegant inchworm crawl that should embarrass anyone trained by Dick Grayson, he manages to get them over to a bunch of crates to provide cover.

It’s just in time, too, since another stray bullet glances across Jason’s helmet; this isn’t as lucky as the body armor. The screen shatters and his comm fizzles out from the force of the shot, and Jason snarls out a breathless oath at the pain and sudden disorientation.

There’s another dull roar, a second round of automatic fire, and this time its Tim knocking him out of its path, dragging them lower down behind the crates.

A beat later, Jason senses fingers scrabbling at the catches of his helmet—

“Ja—! Hood—you alrigh—?!”

And then the helmet is off, and Tim looms over him. He is surprisingly clear in Jason’s vision considering the hit he just took. The cowl hides his eyes, but the way his jaw clenches suggests worry.

Something shoots through Jason then, hitting him like a blow to the gut, as if someone snuck up behind him and sucker-punched him. But there’s no one near him except Tim, probably wouldn’t coldcock someone while he’s down.

For a moment, Jason imagines the entire world slows, and the roar of gunfire fades out, replaced by a puzzling whispering that drowns everything else out:

“—should e’er I go, will you go with me--?”

“—come back to me—”

“—I would that you would leave them all to perish—”

“—bury us together—”

There’s a harsh, swooping sensation in his stomach and Jason gasps for breath, the pain of the action refocussing him on his immediate surroundings. Sound returns, the echoing words bleeding into Red Robin’s voice in an eerie double timbre.

“Hood, answer me! Are you okay?!” Red Robin demands, and then lowers his voice into a hiss, “Jason!”

Physically shaking his head to clear it, Jason forces his concentration past the strange haze surrounding him and pushes the other vigilante away, pausing only briefly to assess that he hasn’t been shot too.

“Not cool, man, secret identity, remember?” he grumbles.

“You’re still wearing a mask,” Tim shoots back, but what would normally sound waspish for him sounds tense. “Or half of one at least.”

Jason grunts in response, digging into his pocket for the spare domino he keeps on hand, peels the backing off the adhesive strip and fixes it to his face. He peeks around the edge of the crates to study the sniper up high, while Tim cranes to check on their mark; Howard is still moving, shoulders and wings shifting like he’s trying to get up. They need to get him out of the line of fire, much as Jason would rather not, and stop the guy from bleeding out.

Another barrage of bullets demolishes the top edges of the crates.

“Police are on their way,” Tim tells him, flicking something on his wrist computer.

“Awesome. Just in time to identify our corpses.”

“As if you haven’t had worse,” Tim snorts, studying the projected display. “All the exits are covered; unfriendlies on our four, six and nine.”

“And the one up top.”

Another bullet embeds itself three inches from Jason’s head. He and Tim consider each other for a second, and the younger man digs another handful of gadgets from his bandolier. He juts his chin at the skylight, his meaning plain, and Jason nods.

Simple enough plan. Of course, it’d be nice if there was something to distract them a bit more. I really don’t want to get shot again just now—

Their buddy Howard decides that’s the optimal moment to try to get up again, pushing himself to his feet with a snarl. His wings unfurl with a whump sound, the blast of air rippling from them sending a few of the nearer mobsters staggering. It has the added effect of drawing their attention, and for a moment, there’s a lull in the amount of projectiles heading for Jason and Tim as the gunmen focus on the new threat.

“That’ll work.”

“Go!”

They burst out from behind the crates, Jason already shooting several rounds at the sniper up top, while Tim flings a handful of circular pods at the nearest enemies. This first wave of devices are knockout gas, which downs the two closest mobsters and makes Steve cough and stagger.

Jason’s target pulls back to avoid his attack, but isn’t fast enough, ends up taking a shot to the calf and staggering forward. He plummets to the ground, and there’s a familiar sound of bone cracking—Sorry, asshole, that sounded like a femur—and then Jason swings around to take out the trio sneaking up on them from behind.

Tim automatically ducks beneath his arms, neatly avoiding the barrage of bullets, and tosses another handful of gadgets; this time, upon contact, wires snap out and wrap around the attackers, making several overbalance while the others lose grip on their weapons. Jason’s clip is empty now, and so he drops his own guns, pulls out the modified grapple gun and fires; it punches through the shoulder of one guy, and Jason retracts it, pulling him forward and then downing him with a punch to the jaw.

Red Robin’s last device is something metallic that lands in the middle of the floor and vibrates with a startling intensity; Jason’s about to make a lewd joke, when his grapple is tugged out of his hands—along with every other metallic weapon nearby, which collect in a pile around the device.

“Really?” Jason grouses.

“Like you really need a weapon,” Tim shoots back; he’s already got his bo staff primed and ready—Must be made of some non-metallic polymer this time around—and sweeps the legs out from under some stragglers.

Jason decides to show his feelings on the matter by plowing forward and brawling with the remaining members of the mob. He doesn’t pull his punches, listening to the snap of forearms and crack of broken ankles and cries of pain.

And as suddenly as it started, it’s quiet again.

The warehouse is in ruins—along with quite a few of the relics.

Howard gapes around. “You animals. You absolute savages! You just…look at this!”

“Hope you have insurance,” Jason quips.

“Don’t really care if you don’t,” Tim adds, bringing out one of the remaining pods; he snaps it open before Steven can say anything, and rope wires explode outward to wrap around him, wings and all. “Now, let’s go have a conversation before the police show up.”

Grabbing hold of the guy by the front, he fires his grapple and flies upward; Jason stares after him for a bit longer than a blink, shakes his head. After tugging his grapple out of the pile of weapons (with more difficulty than he’d like), he follows.

Sirens scream in the distance, as he and Tim face down the winged man who is teetering a bit as he tries to keep balance.

“Well, that’s just rude,” he mutters, his pinched expression reminiscent of Damian’s permanently constipated look. “And a waste, really.”

He closes his eyes in concentration, and the wings vanish, causing Tim’s bindings to loosen. Both Tim and Jason leap forward to grab him in case he tries to make a run for it, but he sidesteps them with surprising ease.

“Knock it off, I’m not going anywhere,” he snaps before they can try again. “What’s the point, you just destroyed my pad.”

“You’d think you’d be more bothered about having been shot,” Tim deadpans, and then studies the shirtless man with a frown on his lips. “Or not.”

There isn’t a sign injury on him.

“I heal fast.”

“Good to know,” Jason says.

Without another word, he snaps head forward and headbutts the pasty-faced bastard. Who crumples to the ground once more.

“Hood!” Red Robin cries in protest and recrimination.

“What? It was that or a bullet.”

Red Robin pulls him backward and away from their detainee, mouth turning downward. Jason intends to mirror the expression right back—he isn’t in the mood for Tim’s bitch-face—but his vision falters a bit, tunneling a little as it settles on Tim’s form.

Okay, so that was a bad idea. If I didn’t have a concussion before…

“Man, you really shouldn’t have done that…” their winged detainee mumbles, picking himself back off the ground and glares at Jason through bleary, bloodshot eyes. “I mean, if you weren’t screwed before by the bullet, you definitely will be now.” His gaze flicks to Tim, and the corner of his mouth ticks up in a way Jason doesn’t like. “Probably quite literally.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” Jason snaps, finger itching towards a trigger once again.

“That’s not important,” Tim interrupts. “I want to know who this guy is. Metas tend to avoid Gotham.”

“Well, darling, I’m not a meta.”

“Then what the hell are you? Because those wings ain’t human,” Jason growls. “And this is the only time we’ll ask nicely.”

The winged man draws himself up, somehow managing to loom despite the fact he’s perhaps an inch taller than Tim and narrows his eyes at them like he’s looking at vermin.

“I am Eros,” he says, lifting his chin, “the God of Love.”

⁂⁂⁂

Next Chapter

[scyllua]

The 200th chapter of Golden Kamuy has been released this week; being the last chapter to be compiled in the upcoming vol.20 and following author Noda's narrative pacing, it also closes the current miniarc. Apart from chap.200 being a serialization milestone for the manga, this chapter was highly anticipated by many fans because of its probable resolutions... even though at least part of it had already been guessed by fans (I'm specifically referring to the Japanese fandom, since that's the one I follow). In any case, the chapter's highlights would be as follows:

1. It's not stated outright, but the hints given should be enough as to figure out who was behind Koito's kidnapping. The Japanese fandom had even correctly identified the masked kidnappers, ie. who White Hat and Black Hat were. I must confess I got their identities the other way round. 2. Koito Heiji (otherwise referred to, in justly earned respect and awe, as Koito Papa by the Japanese fandom), adding to all the badassery he boasted in the previous chapter, manages to pay a homage to Freddy Mercury in the middle of a rescue mission. 3. Tsurumi, on the other hand, makes a very Tsurumi-like entrance, including the added effects of back lighting and several undone buttons on his inner shirt - though the lighting was mostly a Koito's Vision filter. I couldn't say about the buttons for sure, though he does have them done in the previous panels. 4. I was correct in my theory, more or less. As That One Character We Were Eagerly Expecting To Know The Fate Of (you know who he is) had no current active role in the plot and his presence was a literal obstacle for it to progress, I'd assumed Noda had one viable option for him: to make him leave the current manga events, either by having him disappear/escape/flee (...he's done it in the past...), or by killing him. And, well, it turns out that he [beep beep]... 5. SUGIMOTO HAS TERRIBLE AIMING. I've always thought so and this chapter serves to further prove my point. No wonder he usually resorts to strike (or pierce, if the bayonet is affixed) with his rifle rather than to actually shoot.

This chapter is mostly action-driven and no new piece of information for the plot is given (save for those that can be deduced... and the resolution, of course), so this post will mainly feature my fan comments. With my standard warnings about possible mistakes and mistranslations applying to the whole post, of course.

Heiji and Tsurumi make it to the Goryoukaku on foot and then go their separate ways to enter the building Koito is being held in. Upon entering in perhaps the least subtle way to carry a rescue, Heiji is knocked unconscious by an unseen attacker. The other two, the ones in the white and black hats, flee the place, and Tsurumi finds Koito. Father and son reunited, Tsurumi will later explain that he killed one of the kidnapper in his way there, and the other two just then, two unknown but presumably Russian men. Some not-at-all-suspicious-but-very-familiar soldiers then clean up the place... Fast forwarding, Koito is shown to have joined the army instead of the Navy, as he'd first intended because of his father and late brother. Back to the present, Ogata flees the place on a horse as Sugimoto silently asks him to get well and come back... so he can kill him then.

Jumping onto the action and the fan comments...

If the previous chapter was Fast & Furious: Drift in Hakodate, I was looking forward chap.200 to being Lethal Weapon 1902, 1902 being a reference to the year the story takes place and not any numbering, of course. Koito Sr. and Tsurumi were a badass (military) duo, after all... but there's practically no further action involving the two of them. I was just wondering why Heiji didn't let go of the tricycle's handle... until he makes it to the Goryoukaku and intends to rescue his son in the least subtle way possibly devised for such a goal:

With a Freddy Mercury homage and yelling his son's name. I must admit it's a very stylish appearance, though. ...Unfortunately, Heiji is knocked unconscious by an unseen attacker, but given that yell must have been heard across the fort (I'm fan-assuming here Koito got his lungs and vocal chords from his father), the boy realized his presence in the place. His two kidnappers, a bit of very suspicious gun-action involved first, flee the place, but one of them has the time to sort of bid him farewell in a particular way...

VERY FAN COMMENT HERE! In the previous chapter, when Koito is led to the telephone so he can talk to his father, the Man in the White Hat reaches to him and places a hand on his back. He might have just been intending to lead him away, but the gesture does seem even friendly, as though he's trying to console the boy. That was why I assumed that was Tsukishima, who in spite of his seriousness, is a very empathetic person... though it didn't sit well with me that Koito could have broken his nose in that occasion. It turns out (IMPLICITLY STATED, OF COURSE) it was Ogata, so I can't but be a bit amused that, well, Koito must have flattened his nose at the very least.

Back to the chapter, this is the part when Tsurumi decides to make HIS appearance...

And I should color that panel for RavenTears with at least some use and abuse of sparkles and probably a rose undertone (because of the Koito's Vision filter, I mean). And, by the way... have you noticed how Tsurumi has several buttons of his shirt undone? If you check the previous panels featuring him, he seems to have all of them properly done under his torn coat. Why, yes, I'm going to fan-assume he just took his time to undo a few buttons and run a few laps in order to appear sweaty just before making that entrance. Coldly calculated to the last detail. Including what his best angle could be for the occasion. We can expect nothing less of him.

A little skip here. Father and son reunite and we're shown the bodies of the dead kidnappers, the men in the white and black hats. Quite conveniently, Tsurumi explains he killed one of the kidnappers in their way to the Goryoukaku... in a very clean shooting for the standards of the bloodshed fighting scenes of this manga, may I add, with the alleged accomplice taking his time to perform a very histrionic scene of him falling from his horse. Oh yes, and let us not forget that Tsurumi was the one who pointed out to Heiji -and the readers, by extension- the man was one of the accomplices and that he must be trying to reach the fort to alert the others, blah blah, all the while the apparently unarmed man did nothing to actually hinder them in any way. Hmm. There's also a passage with Koito and Tsurumi talking about the anpan, the sweet the latter gave the boy in their first meeting. It's explained it was part of the food served for a ceremony held for the 25th Regiment (remember the Goryoukaku served as a military training grounds), and someone... must have just forgotten the anpan in the place. Well, I tend to suspect Tsurumi as a principle in this manga, but I must also say the anpan being in the place does seem to be a coincidence. A coincidence plot-wise, but included in the plot so that fans could speculate as to the identity of the kidnappers (or the mastermind behind them), in any case. I've seen Japanese fans wondering about the meaning of the anpan, but I personally think it has no purpose other than to hint at Tsurumi, at least as far as the plot has gone up to this point.

And now in the chapter! And because the dead bodies of the kidnappers must be taken care of! A small group of the less suspicious soldiers in the vicinity takes care of the clean-up!

That's it. No words needed. Partially because there's no text in the above panels, of course... but if anyone can think of a more subjective panel (speaking of the one with Tsurumi in the front and the rest of this men in the background), please let me know! Oh, and do note that Ogata seems to have some abrasions or minor wounds on the face. I wasn't expecting Kikuta to have been part of the ruse, but the mastermind aside, there indeed seems to have been at least 3 people involved: a) Three men ambush and kidnap Koito in chap.198. b) While the men in the white and black hats kept Koito in the Goryoukaku, there was the rider who wins the Award to Best Fall From Horseback After Being Shot in chap.199. Let's assume the latter already planned he wouldn't make it to the fort after intercepting Tsurumi and Heiji... c) So the mastermind would be in charge to knock down Heiji upon his arrival at the fort. Quite conveniently and even more suspiciously (two adverbs I tend to use too much when talking about Tsurumi), Heiji's assailant isn't shown. The above about who Heiji's assailant was is my speculation only, of course. When I was going over the previous chapters, though, it did add up that the whole ruse could have been carried out by three people only at the same time if the correct situations took place.

And now, in another skip all the way to Asahikawa... The Stairs of Fate. Well, not really. Koito joins the army instead of the Navy, and in the day he presents before Tsurumi with his father, he crosses paths with a certain someone in the stairs. My sister and I dub it the Stairs of Fate because the scene reminds us of Yuusaku's first meeting with Ogata, but of course, nothing seems to indicate it's the same staircase (...though I haven't compared the scenes so closely, either...) Fateful encounters in staircases and instant disliking on second meetings, I suppose.

Back to the present, or more specifically, to tense situations between life and death that took place in the closing years of the Meiji Era and featured a psychotic one-eyed sniper and a young swordsman from Satsuma... Upon hearing Shiraishi and Tanigaki in the vicinity of the hospital room he's still in, Ogata literally kicks Koito in the face, threatens the doctor and nurse to keep quiet, and makes his swift exit from the current plotline, or so I'm assuming.

And here's the reason why I'm complaining about Sugimoto's awful aiming: he intends to shoot the horse (which, as you can see, it's way larger and theoretically, an easier target), but he misses and almost hits Ogata instead.

Meaning, if Sugimoto went for Ogata's head instead, he could have shot the horse...? In any case, and upon studying the scene more carefully, I suppose there's always room to speculate whether Sugimoto doesn't change his mind at the last moment and actually tries to shoot Ogata. The panels don't suggest it, at least not to me, but as I wrote... we can always speculate. And lastly on that regard: Sugimoto is a formidable hand-to-hand fighter, but for the sake of this manga, I'm hoping he keeps away from high precision guns and resorts to pummel his opponents to a pulp, as at the very least he never seems to miss his targets with that approach.

This is the fourth Ogata's "HaHa!" scoffing moment I remember, though I haven't thoroughly checked the manga and might be missing on a few. ...Sugimoto's last line (thought, in fact) literally says, get well and come back because I'll kill you. The idea behind the line would be, "recover and come back to kill you", if I'm being clear enough about the meaning I think this somewhat poetic death promise entails. The caption (which is featured in the chapter as it's published in the Young Jump magazine, but removed in the compiled volume) is 殺意と決意の約束, lit. "a promise (full) of killing intent and determination"... with the detail that the reading given for 約束 (yakusoku) is the English word "engage". Please note that the main meaning for 約束 is "promise", but it can also refer to any kind of such a pact or arrangement... a date or an engagement included, depending on the context. It's also a pretty common word in Japanese, hence there's no actual need to add its reading in a seinen manga... unless, of course, the given reading of "engage" has been done deliberately because, well, it's Sugimoto and Ogata.

Indeed, I think the added reading of the term 約束 as "engage" would be deliberate for the sake of the fans, but I won't dwell that much in the canon when I can add more fan comments instead.

As soon as I read the Golden Kamuy weekly chapter, I send a lengthy summary + many more fan comments + any speculative theory I might have to RavenTears. We both thought it was very likely Ogata could die by the end of this volume precisely, or otherwise (if Noda felt like building up the arc) in the next: apart from being fan-mentally prepared to accept the fact, we also came up with our scenarios as to how these chapters could unfold. And I must say that, even though this arc has given us no dead cat (not yet, at least) and thus, we were wrong in our assumptions... RavenTears did describe one scene exactly as it eventually happened in the manga.

...The above WhatsApp chat screenshot doesn't have to do with that scene, though, and it's been resized so the text can't be read. I didn't think you'd be interested in knowing how much I can swear when writing in Spanish about GK, after all. Instead, we were discussing as to how the above scene of Sugimoto silently telling Ogata to come back (to kill him) would become another of the key moments for this pairing in the Japanese fandoms... as a favorite scene by Japanese fans of this pairing didn't make it to the anime when that whole manga arc was omitted from the second season (Hint! "I don't particularly like you either, Sugimoto."). I'd render Sugimoto's line as, "recover and come back to me... so I can kill you," but given my limited inspiration in this regard (because of my limited Japanese and the pairing itself, which I'm not actually a fan of), I asked RavenTears for her version. She said, "go, get well, and come back to me [sparkle emoticon]" but as you can see, she didn't include the last "kill" part. My next message, as seen in the screenshot, ends with a [heart emoticon] because I then added something in the lines of, "(come back to me) so I can fxxking beat you to a pulp, make you bleed, tear you apart with my teeth and suck off... your other eye". That'd be more or less how I've come to think of their canon interaction, thus I can't deny that I also find said relationship (in the canon manga) to be oddly sexual in spite of the violence involved.

I have many more things to write about this chapter, my fan comments and speculations (and how RavenTear's made a lot of sense to me and are pretty interesting to take into consideration, at any rate), but since this post has gotten rather long already, I should be leaving all of them for another entry.

[kyidyl]

Kyidyl Explains Bones Part 5

(These are under the KyidylBones tag.)

How to dig up dead people.

So, in my Kyidyl Does Archaeology series I talked a bunch about how digging up places was different than digging up people.  And you don’t have to read that to understand this, but it might be a little easier for you because I’m not going to re-address the same basics I covered there.  

Ethical Stuff: So is digging up dead people ethical? I mean, I think so if strict rules are followed, but honestly the POVs here are as different as people themselves are.  Some cultures routinely dig up their own dead and do all kinds of things with the remains.  I wish they wouldn’t but, hey, that’s just me.  I respect that their culture and choices aren’t the ones I’d make.  It’s part of being an anthropologist of any flavor.  And, like that one post implies, there really isn’t much of a different between grave robbing and archaeology.  The biggest difference is the care we take, the respect we try our best to show, and the purposes to which we put the remains.  However, there is a difference between exhumation and archaeology.  General rule of thumb: if there’s someone living still that would have first-hand experience of them or if they still exist strongly in cultural memory, it’s exhumation. There’s no hard and fast number of years where it moves from exhumation to archaeology.  Sometimes it’s the context that makes the difference.  For example, Richard the 3rd’s bones were excavated from that carpark.  If they were removed from where they were reinterred, then they’d be exhumed.  But the TL;DR of it is that digging up people is incredibly ethically complex and you have to do your best to be respectful.  If you aren’t the type of person who can really put yourself in someone else’s shoes and be ok with respecting the desires of a specific culture regarding their own dead...then archaeology is not the right area for you, and that goes double for bioarch.  These people had lives and were loved and valued by those around them, and you need to be sensitive.  

The legality of digging up human remains also varies wildly from country to country.  In the US, we adhere to NAGPRA.  If you want a primer on what NAGPRA is and how it works, you can check out this post that I made.  

Also a quick reminder that we don’t name the individuals.  They had names and you don’t get to give them a new one.  

Beyond this cut there be pictures of human remains.  

How do you know where to dig? Sometimes, honestly....we don’t.  We’re just making educated guesses based on migration patterns and known settlements and research into local history.  Generally, if there’s a group of people who lived somewhere, they also did something with their dead.  So if you have a settlement, you’ll probably find bodies in it or near it at some point.  Sometimes people find remains and are like “uuuuuhhhhh....” and we come and dig ‘em up.  This is especially true on private property.  Farmers are notorious for this.  Construction, too, obviously.  Sometimes we look in caves, because very old caves have lots of dirt on the floors and a lot of times if it’s a good cave there’ll be bones in it.  Sometimes people threw their dead in bogs and now we have stuff that isn’t skeletons but is really old.  

(Source)

That is a whole ass human dude.  He’s around 2000 years old.  You can still see his facial hair.  

So there’s a lot of science behind how and why different environments preserve bodies differently, and I couldn’t possibly get into the detail of that here, but it’s definitely a factor we consider.  A swamp in Florida isn’t a good place to expect to find remains, you know? General rule of thumb is: more water = less body, unless there water isn’t standard water (it’s very alkaline, very acidic, or very frozen.).  Dry, cold landscapes like the Andes are great for preserving bodies.  

So what you find when you go looking is going to vary wildly depending on the environment.  My personal experience, though, is in graveyards.  Graveyards are an easy thing to dig because it’s not uncommon to just like...know where one was.  But graveyards aren’t the orderly things you’d expect them to be, not even modern graveyards.  People bury their loved ones on top of other people, graves intersect, and sometimes people would sneak bodies into the consecrated part of the graveyard when the priests/monks/etc. said they couldn’t be buried there.  So you can have bodies mixed with other bodies or under other bodies or just like random parts of people that were dug up, someone said “oops”, and then they were re-buried in a different spot.  So when we dig a graveyard, we keep complex records of where all of the remains were found, including in-depth drawings.  This is one way in which it’s similar to digging up a settlement.  It’s...pretty much the only way in which it’s similar.  Because part of the reason we do this is so we don’t mix up peoples’ body parts.  Graveyards aren’t what you expect - when I was digging in one we thought we’d gotten most of the bodies out so we were using a mattock to make sure and the site director missed cracking the skull of an intact child by about a centimeter.  Luckily the swing tore up a little bit of dirt and exposed it, but if it hadn’t? The next swing would have gone right through and inflicted heavy damage.  So you have to be careful even in a graveyard.  

Another thing about graves is that it doesn’t take long for the wood of a coffin to decay, so when you dig them up you will often just find the body and sometimes some nails.  The nails are good, because they show you the outline of where you can expect to find parts of the same individual.  This is one of the ways we show respect - we do everything in our power to NOT mix up the remains of different individuals and to separate them when we can.  

Let me sidebar here for a minute to explain.  See, your bones fit together.  I don’t meant “ah yes, everyone’s shin bone connects to their thigh bone”.  No, I mean that those bones have grown together in the same space for YEARS and they fit exactly.  They have the same texture and thickness, they go together like puzzle pieces....at the spots where the bones touch.  Or, as we say, articulate with each other.  See, if I were to take, say, my cuboid and try to trade it with someone else’s, it wouldn’t articulate right.  But something big like a tibia and femur will not be as easy to piece back together.  That, and we don’t always have complete bodies.  So we have something called “MNI” meaning “Minimum Number of Individuals”, and the maximum.  So...three left femurs mean at least three people.  Four right humeruses mean at least four people, so the minimum is 4.  However! We don’t know if any of those left femurs or right humeruses belonged to the same person because they don’t articulate with each other.  So the maximum is seven people.  We have between 4 and 7 people in that set of remains.  This becomes really important when you’re dealing with intersecting graves, mass graves, etc.  Any time the remains are what we call comingled (mixed).  This is what we’re really meticulous when recording where we found a given bone or set of bones.  

Ok, back to the main thing.  So...how DO we dig up dead people, anyway? It’s generally done in three stages: 

Exposing - This is where we dig down just enough to cleanly expose what we believe to be the margins of the grave.  We dig to the edges of the grave, not to a set square size like you would with a settlement. This is where we dig really cleanly, expose any grave goods, take pictures, etc.  And it looks like this: 

(Source.  Was super frustrating searching for this bc I have several of these pics on my phone of the graves we dug and can’t use them for privacy/ethical reasons.) 

Pedestaling/Cleaning - This is when we dig down around the skeleton and the grave goods, and then we start digging under the bones in preparation for the last stage.  This is time consuming, detailed work.  When I was doing this with the child we found, I used a mini trowel the size of my thumbnail and a dental pick.  It’s *especially* important with juveniles because their bones aren’t fused and those unfused pieces are *tiny*.  They literally look like clods of dirt.  Most archs - rightfully - can’t stomach the idea of throwing pieces of a human body into the spoil heap, so we’re as careful as we can be.  This part, when done right, takes days.  It’s a difficult thing to get a picture of, but this one is close: 

(Source)

The tags aren’t something I was taught needed to be done, but I can see why someone would.  They’re basically just grave goods and features of the grave.  They’ll be used to make a map of what’s what later on when the writeup is being done.  

Lifting - We never just pull a bone out of the ground because it damages them.  So we dig around them until they’re ready to come out on their own (and in the case of a large set of broken bones like you see above in that person’s skull, we’d just take the whole pile - dirt and all - for processing in the lab later.  And no, it’s not normal to have the skull glued back together.  We don’t glue remains together.).  If one piece comes out before the others, it is bagged and tagged.  We try not to have them come out separately, but it’s better to do that then to lose one.  When we’ve cleared all the dirt out, we “lift” the skeleton, IE, remove it from the grave.  If I included a pic of this it would just be an empty grave. :P 

We make sure to take all of the grave goods and any soil samples with us, all carefully labeled.  Fun fact about soil samples BTW.  The soil around the bones and especially in the abdominal cavity can retain molecular traces and bacterial from the flesh that tell us about their gut flora and diet or about any parasites they had (parasites were super common back in the day.).  It’s....really cool.  So a sometimes, if we suspect that there might be money for that kind of analysis, we’ll take soil samples of the gut region.  

We are...well, we’re very ritualistic about all of this.  It is, of course, for scientific rigour.  But part of it is that we’re systematically dismantling these peoples’ final resting places.  They had lives and loves and spiritual beliefs that we are disturbing.  This is sacred ground for so many cultures.  So it always feels a bit like we’re doing these things in a specific way to show respect to the resting dead.  That’s why in my 4 types of anthropologists post awhile back I said that archs are chaotic outside the pit but anal inside it. We want to learn from the dead, and it all feels a bit ritualistic if I’m being honest.  And there’s this juxtaposition of digging in the dirt, in the chaos of earth and time, in a very structured, clean, orderly way.  

Aaaannnyway I think that’s it for this installment.  Ask box is open, I check comments and tags and whatnot.  Tomorrow I think I’m gonna do age determination.  How old were they when they died? Hmmmmm... 

[bixgirl1]

I think I saw you say somewhere that have a squick of self harming in fan fictions and that's what you don't like right? Do you have other ones and what do you like ?

Hi nonnie!  Yep, a squick is something that, when reading, a person tends to avoid. It can be an outright trigger or simply something that makes the reader crinkle their nose and shake their head before closing out. It’s a fairly universal term in fandom that helps to explain why you won’t/can’t/don’t like reading something, and the beauty of it is that, once the word is used, no further explanation is (or should be) required — because sometimes there is no further explanation, you know? Sometimes you just… don’t like something. 

As for my personal squicks/likes/and dislikes, that requires a longer answer, so I’m going to put it under a cut.

The short answer is yes and no. Self-harm can be a squick of mine — but it very much depends on how it’s handled, and its context. It’s something I’ll usually avoid reading if I see it in the tags and am not familiar enough with the author to feel safe reading it, which is something I take into account. If I see a story posted by an author that I’ve liked but have never read anything from them approaching that tag, I’ll probably wait to see if they’ll post a fic with similar but more gentle tags/content to see if their style/thought processes on the subject line up with my own. Other writers, whose work I’ve consumed to the point where I feel comfortable enough with their headspace, I’ll dive right in.

That being said, honestly, these days I have very few hardline squicks —  scat-play and/or vomit-play are two, and suicide and self-harm edge very close as well (with the caveat from above). When I was less familiar with fandom, more untried, I had — or thought I had — a lot. lol. That can happen, I think; it can be really terrifying to edge out of your comfort zone. But then you read absolutely every long, plotty drarry a writer offers, every short, hot bit of smut, and there are these other ones lingering with tags like incest or dub/non-con or major character death or infidelity, and think “hmmm.” All of those are still listed in my ‘know the author first’ file, but I’ve learned I can love some stories with those tags. But that’s me. Not everyone will want to venture out of their comfort zones, and that’s fine. Great, even! Fanfic allows us a lot of wonderful things, and one of those can be escapism. So never let anyone make you feel bad about sticking to the things you like; this is all just relevant to my personal fic tastes.

And regarding those, in answer to your other question — I know I’ve got a list somewhere, lj or dw maybe, with a pretty full list of my likes and dislikes and squicks, but I haven’t updated it in a long time, so:

(I’m applying these to Harry/Draco, but I’ll read a bunch of other pairings too. Harry/Teddy, Draco/Albus, some Jeddy and Scorbus, Harry/Sirius, a bit of Wolfstar, James Sirius/Albus Severus, Romione, and Pansmione are probably my faves)

Squicks and/or squick-ish content (ie, stuff my friends would never put in a gift fic for me. lol) I’ll only read if I know the writer very well and trust them (asterisks next to the ones I’m more rigid about):

-Suicide**

-Self-harm (especially cutting)**

-Vomit/scat play***

-Major character death

-Unhappily ambiguous endings

-Character bashing*** (to be fair, if a writer does this, I don’t usually like a lot of their stuff)

-Endings (happy or unhappy) where my preferred couple doesn’t end up together**

That’s it. And I make exceptions.

General fic dislikes that I’ll “psh” if I’ve read a couple of the writers things and like them, but that still have the ability to turn me off of a story real quick:

-Non-con

-Massive deviations from canon characterization. (Meaning: Draco is incredibly flamboyant and there’s no explanation or hints as to why/how he’d become so; Harry hates Ron; Ron is stupid; Hermione is a perky prop, etc. I’m perfectly fine reading most things if I understand why they’re that way.)

-Infidelity

-Also, when mental health issues are addressed (I tend to write about them a lot), I dislike grandstanding about them as much as I dislike them being glossed over, if that makes any sense. If I want to read detailed explanations about mental illness, I’ve got about two dozen textbooks I can refer to; alternately, if trauma is brought up in the fic, there needs to be (for me), some exploration of it.

-Permanent disability fics

-Fisting

-Muggle AU’s

-Mpreg — very rarely (usually just because I’m not often in the mood for it)

-Schmoopy fluff. (I don’t mind the sweet, but I don’t want to get cavities)

-Bloodplay

Now, for the fun ones!

Fic likes:

-Tropes. I’m a trope whore, I admit it. I love so many of them they should probably get a subcatagory of my favorites. lol.

-Forced Proximity

-Bed-Sharing

-Eighth Year

-Auror Partners

-Powerful!Harry

-Controlled!Draco (magically, for both; I like ‘em skilled as hell)

-Wandlore

-Master of Death lore

-Aristocratic Draco (or bad boy Draco, or fucked up Draco…I like Draco a lot, okay?)

-Flirting

-UST

-Pining

-Banter and snark

-Friends to lovers

-Lovers to friends to more

-Dub-con where they both enjoy it

-Sex Pollen

-Antagonism

-Veela/Creature Fic

-Smart Harry (let’s give the boy some credit, can we???)

-Harry, Ron, and Hermione staying close

-Rescuing/being protective (I don’t care who rescues and who does the rescuing, though I tend to think of Harry as the rescuer more often than not. But I like when there’s an exchange.)

-Life debts

-Legilimency

-Accidental (or, hell, intentional) bonding

-Humor

-Angst with a happy ending

-Harry’s and Draco’s hair/eyes being described as they are in the books

-The first time they call each other by their first names being significant

-Fics that focus as much (or more) on characterization and relationship development as they do on outside plot

And a bunch more of these too.

Sex and sexual kinks:

-Draco. God yes. Put him in robes or a sharp suit or torn jeans and mmmmmmsfdhdfhlgjhuihghlhd. I like Draco being noticed. (*whispers* Objectified, even, especially if Harry doesn’t realize he’s doing it.)

-Vice versa Harry.

-Rimming

-Spanking

-Rentboys

-Sexual power plays

-One of them being experienced, the other not so experienced.

-Both of them being hella experienced

-Topping from the bottom (and also the top).

-Bottoming from the top (and also the bottom lol)

-Dirty talk

-Trust games (blindfolds, tying someone up)

-Fingering

-Post-sex fingering

-Flaccid cocks getting played with; proprietary touches.

-First times

-Dom/sub dynamics (with clear boundaries and safewords)

-Gentle sex

-Extended foreplay

-Semi-public sex

-Magical sex objects

-Cleaning spells (thank fuck for the magical world, amiright?)

-Messy blowjobs

-Kissing. Lots of kissing.

-Angry sex that turns into more

-Frantic sex

-Partially-clothed sex

-Frotting/grinding

-Teasing

-I might have a bit of a foot kink? lol

-Confidence

-Timidity/nerves

-Coming untouched

-Handjobs

-Shower/bath

Aaannnd most other sexual kinks you don’t see listed under my squicks or dislikes.

So there you go. A non-comprehensive guide to what I like and look for in a fic. Like I said, I’m not too picky about my dislikes these days (if I was, I wouldn’t be reading puppy play or consensual non-con or double penetration, and there are fics with those contents that have blown me the fuck away), but it’s really a personal thing. Kink tomato, and Fic Tomato (which idk if the latter is a thing, but I hope everyone gets what I mean. lol).

Thanks so much for the ask, nonnie!  It was a bit of a treat to stop and really consider how my fic likes and dislikes have changed over the last couple of years. Highly recommend you making your own list — and never letting anyone make you feel bad about it! ;D

[cutiesaeran]

McYooSeven Thoughts 2.0

The continuation of my last post!

Summer and Seven hit it off immediately. She’s quick at shooting puns back at him, easily falls into playful banter, and he appreciates her dark humor. Yoosung is thrilled but also mildly confused by the jealousy he feels; it doesn’t quite feel right to says he jealous that Seven’s paying so much attention to Summer, but what else could it be?

He chooses to ignore it.

A friendship grows between Seven and Summer surprisingly quickly and they hang out on their own a few times, causing Yoosung’s jealousy to spike alarmingly high. He still can’t quite place what feels off about it and he’s upset that it’s even an issue, but the next time the three of them hang out, he catches the soft way Seven looks at Summer and it feels like his stomach plummets.

Oh.

He’s oddly quiet the next few days, and both Summer and Seven are concerned. It isn’t until Summer tracks him down (ie, shows up at his apartment) that he finally confessed his jealousy. She listens, entirely sober, only interjecting questions to clarify or direct him to think about something specifically. When he admits it’s an odd jealousy because it doesn’t feel like it’s just about her, she gives him a lopsided, knowing grin. She points out some aspects of his friendship with Seven and how maybe it’s not typical of a best friendship. Gently guiding him through his confusion, she holds his hand as he’s forced to face the realization that he’s in love with not just her, but also his best friend!

And then he panics. Oh, does he panic. She can’t help laughing when he sputters about how that doesn’t mean he wants to leave her, because he loves her and would never do that, this is, this is just a thing he’ll work past, no big deal, haha…

She points out that Seven must feel the same because of how he looks at Yoosung, how he teases and spoils him. Yoosung argues because no, he’s seen the way Seven looks at her, he couldn’t feel that way about Yoosung when Summer is around.

They stare at each other as their minds process this information. Is… is Seven in love with both of them?

The next few times they hang out with him, they watch closely.

Yeah. He is.

They talk about it. Yoosung learns there’s a such thing as poly, and Summer realizes she’s developing feelings toward Seven as well.

Shit.

They talk more, laying out pros and cons. Summer points out Seven’s job would make it difficult, Yoosung points out it wouldn’t hurt less if he died as a boyfriend instead of a friend. Summer gestures to Seven’s tsundere-like tendencies, Yoosung counters with knowing his weaknesses. They hash out potential arguments until they’re confident.

They want him. And they’re willing to work to get him.

They don’t have a plan, instead choosing to go with the flow and make a move whenever it feels right. Their time comes one day when they’re playing games in the bunker and Seven lays down on the couch, head in Yoosung’s lap and feet in Summer’s. He’s obviously tired -the bags under his eyes are painfully dark - and all it takes is some light petting through his hair to put him to sleep. Summer waits til he’s asleep enough to slide out from under his feet, leaning over to kiss Yoosung. Then she cleans up a bit, throws clothes in the washer, and brings in the ingredients they’d brought to make dinner with. She manages to get a few dishes made and packed into the fridge (over a few hours, at which point Yoosung is also asleep. She takes a picture) before a sleepy-eyed Seven appears in the doorway to the kitchen, watching her with a frown.

“What are you doing?”

She pauses chopping some veggies and winks at him. “Making the most delicious meal you’ll ever taste.”

He opens the fridge, his frown deeper. “Okay. But why did you clean? and what’s all this?”

She shrugs and sits down the knife. “You look like hell, and we’re worried. Let us help.”

“You’re too nice. You and Yoosung. I don’t deserve your kindness.” Suddenly it’s depression mode.

Summer isn’t having any of that. “Don’t be an idiot. We care about you and so we’re gonna do what we can.”

Seven starts arguing but cuts himself off when Summer is suddenly right in front of him, a finger pressed to his lips as she shakes her head. “No, I don’t want to hear it. You’re more loved than you know. We don’t care about what you think you deserve; we know what you truly deserve and we want to give it to you. There’s a lot of shit buried in your mind, it doesn’t take a genius to see that. Some sort of trauma, self-hatred, and a slew of other things, I’m guessing, but that doesn’t scare us. We want to be there for you, no matter what.”

He’s quiet, staring at her like she has three heads when she lowers her finger. Obviously he has no idea how to take this development, and god, she’s awfully close to him, was it always so hot in here? She bites at her lip and his eyes are drawn there but no! He can’t, that’s Yoosung’s girlfriend and it doesn’t matter what he feels…

She catches it and laughs, reaching up to pat his cheek. “Has Seven.exe malfunctioned? Does it need rebooted?” Yoosung’s standing in the doorway behind Seven, watching with fascination. For a brief second, their gazes lock and he nods, giving her the go-ahead. When Seven still doesn’t respond, she pushes herself up on her tippy toes and slips her hand behind his neck, tugging him down into a soft question of kiss.

As soon as their lips connect, Yoosung approaches from behind, sliding his arms around Seven and resting his chin on his shoulder, breath ghosting over the skin of his neck. If Seven was malfunctioning before, he’s now fried, totally shot, time to just throw him away and start over, thank you very much.

Frozen in place, Seven doesn’t make any moves to pull away from either of them, so the kiss ends when Summer drops back onto the soles of her feet. Yoosung’s grip is tighter now, and he nuzzles his nose into Seven’s neck.

“Please say yes,” he whispers, feeling the shiver as it travels through Seven. “We… we both love you and want you to be happy.”

It’s hard for Seven to think clearly like this, when his lips still tingle with the taste of Summer and the warmth of Yoosung against his back. “I… I can’t,” he begins faintly, squeezing his eyes closed in frustration. “You… you don’t know…”

“We understand your job,” Summer interrupts, letting her fingers trail up his arm slowly. “We know the risks associated with dating a secret agent and hacker. This isn’t something we just jumped into, Seven. We’ve worked this shit out between each other and what we’re up for. You, and everything that comes with you? We want it. We want you.”

The conversation goes on for a while, Seven trying his best to tsundere his way out of it but failing. For every argument he has, they have a counter. But as it winds down, they both pull away to give him space, Yoosung falling into place next to Summer to help finish the meal.

“You don’t have to make a decision right now,” he assures Seven with a smile. “But we know how you feel, and we return it. And we’re not going anywhere.”

They leave that night leaving the refrigerator full and the laundry done, and Seven spends the next few days deep in the recesses of his mind, trying to decide if it’s something he can make work. Both check in on him pretty often (but not so much to be suffocating), just to make sure he’s sleeping and eating, never bringing up the conversation. They said their part, the ball is in his court now.

And when he shows up at Yoosung’s a week later, hands in his pockets and kicking awkwardly at the ground (unusual for him), they welcome him inside without hesitation. The conversation that ensues is a serious one, full of warnings (because of his job) and guidelines they all set to try make the new relationship as smooth as possible. At the end, Seven slumps, obviously exhausted from everything. They beckon him to the couch and he ends up on their laps again, this time with his head on Summer’s.

And from that point on, they’re a poly group. It’s hard at times - occasionally Yoosung and/or Summer have to pull Seven out of the pools of depression to remind him they love him, or Summer and Seven have to show Yoosung that he isn’t the third wheel and that he’s very important to them, or Seven and Yoosung have to chase down Summer when she’s convinced they don’t need her - but it’s worth it.

That’s… the idea behind them getting together. There’s a lot more up here about their relationship, but I’ll hold onto it for now, lol. Thanks for reading through it all~

[bigowlenergy]

Notes on Gender, Ethnicity, and Culture

At the heart of the etoneki conflict/drama is nothing more than culture clash.

Eto may be amazing at studying others and have replicated humanity well enough to be a respected author among humans without anyone finding any clues to her ghoul nature, not even Haise in RE: - but she is still someone who was raised by ghouls. Her base nature is as a ghoul, from the 24th ward specifically. Naturally, there’s going to be some confusion between her and Kaneki, who was raised by humans.

But that leaves the good good question of what those differences should be. Clearly, some should be tiny, but there NEED to be huge misunderstandings bc I live for that kind of drama. Also, it’s a slowburn, so. that’s how it is.

this is long, and tagged for spoilers for a good reason. nothing specific, but if u like being surprised by the plot in ur grapefruit, go no further as of chapter 5

1) Ghouls have ABO while humans do not. Sure, there was a decently long time where Kaneki lived among ghouls, but can u picture early chapter Touka willingly sitting him down and giving the birds and the bees and the grasshoppers and also the spiders Talk? I think not. Maybe Kouma? Itori would. Like, they’d both kill him dead with it, but they would. And knowing the contexts within another culture doesn’t mean that you have assimilated those words/concepts to your own yourself, or that you actually know every single social detail, especially as it applies to others.

...but Eto does. And human gender/sexuality is fairly simple on the whole, except when it isn’t, so she has a leg up on him there.

plus, the way I have the ABO structured, it makes a bit more sense for him to be less aware of it, since his gender, as perceived by ghouls, is the most privileged one. Especially since its associated with deliberate power gain, which he totally played into during the later half of the first TG, so it would be a natural assumption for ghouls to make that he understood that he was acting exactly as his gender is socially expected to. and in a way that would socially cement his powerful omega status.

Tsukiyama would totally say something about it, since with the whole affluent family thing he’d probably be very aware of gender and social dynamics, but anything shuu says can be followed by “and he called me a cabbage in French last week, so okay shuu, whatever poetics ‘omega’ means to u, go ahead, have your fun buddy.” Banjou, who was involved with Rize, would be too worried about offending him or making it embarrassing to say anything. and as a ghoul even lower than shuu, he’d be super conservative about getting up in an omega’s business. It would just be this ambiguous open secret that everyone but Kaneki is totally, painfully aware of. the gasmask trio find this hilarious. Hina is a wee bab whose parent was a doctor for ghouls, so she just accepts her big bro as is.

so there’s eto’s expectations to be basically an underling to someone powerful as a normal, comfortable relationship dynamic, pitted against kaneki’s human-embedded inclination toward monogamy and not something that feels like weird bdsm domination stuff. they each are expecting a certain treatment from one another, and not getting it. eto feels neglected, since he isn’t all in her business and allowing her to settle in the shadow of his power and just ride things out, and kaneki, with only human expectations for sex, gender, and whatever the hell just happened, expects the worst from her as the “““male”““ in the relationship who manipulated him.

the conflict is that neither happens.

all of the power is on his side of the court, but in human terms, it feels like the opposite - vis a vis, human misogyny and all the horrible expectations for a sex and reproduction based marriage system that go along with that.

which is why i’ve inverted all that to make myself feel better :)

2) i kicked knots out bc idk about that business, but there have to be other physical differences. there have to be, or its boring. and then again, since both are hybrids, what should either have?

i’ve decided eto will have all physical differences or a learned equivalent due to ghoul socialization, while kaneki should have none but whatever was forced on him through his kakuhou - ie, pheromone stuff, but nothing more.

ghouls can purr, bc i am weak to that shit. Kaneki is aware of this. it’s just a Thing that they do. he’s read to Hina and she’s fallen asleep purring before and it was adorable. irimi purrs very quietly when she cleans things. uta is a purr machine when he makes masks, and it knocks yomo out unless he’s drunk, then he just purrs like a truck engine from the floor near uta’s desk for three hours. touka hasn’t purred since ayato left

eto purrs when she’s satisfied with her writing flow, which is one of the main reasons she prefers to work alone in her apartment and keep shiono out. otherwise, she doesn’t mind company. she also purrs when happy, like most ghouls. kaneki does not. i can site Haise’s RC scan on this: since he never took damage to the throat, he never had a chance to heal ‘more ghoul’ in that area.

so the exchange of a happy eto, deeply content with their uneasy peace, purring to express such delight, meets a blank wall that doesn’t agree. her social expression of happiness clashes up against kaneki only maybe leaning toward physical affection and being quiet. he can understand that she is happy, and she can understand that he can’t respond in the same way, but the dynamics of their relationship make her doubt her actions and get instinctually afraid of doing something wrong and upsetting someone much more powerful than her who also decides if she is allowed to reproduce with him or not. and stops purring and gets unsettled. kaneki is only confused and maybe she doesn’t like being touched? time to touch less. oh no, she did do Something Wrong and now omega is mad at her!! interpersonal drama escalates on both sides >:3c

ghouls have great night vision. kaneki also does and you know why. youve read the series. full ghouls have tapetum lucidum in both eyes, but eto only has it in her single ghoul eye. her vision is unbalanced in the dark but due to her learning to compensate for the slight reduction in light capture on one side she gets by just fine. it also parallels nicely with arima’s poor eyesight and learning to compensate for it.

ghouls are crepuscular while humans are diurnal, but this doesn’t matter since neither of etoneki know what a sleep schedule is. and the 24th ward doesn’t experience day/night cycles, so they have their own issues with sleeping when safe, do not sleep when not safe.

ghouls tend toward pack structure, but not in a rigid way where there can only be one omega/powerful ghoul per unit. as long as everybody gets along personally, its fine. omega don’t see each other as competition. alpha toss themselves at their feet without prompting. they’re not a scarce resource. alpha don’t even really fight over omega unless completely affected by heat and rut cycles and unable to grasp the concept of maybe next time. but even that is rare, mostly only those who are jealous as a person attempt this. if alpha fight over an omega and one wins, the omega might just kill them for taking away some of their prospects, or might be impressed by the show of strength. or annoyed by it, bc they want weak underlings. depends on the person. (eto is more than a bit possessive, at least for his first heat.)

more on this point as i think of it.

3)  I haven’t specified kaneki’s personal gender identity for a reason. that reason is that i’m not sure what direction i want to go. this is strictly for maman, not Sugar, which is trans girl Sasako forever. for this piece of feti/sh garbage? whom knows! (I know. and until word of god says otherwise - i’m god - every character is trans.)

but really, there’s options. and i love them all.

A) kaneki was trans all along. hide is best bi bud. aunt was a bitch, but nothing worse than canon since he was closeted at the time, although he doubly prepared to never speak to her again. (true neutral)

B) woke up a ghoul and with new parts. why believe a species change but not a sex change, eh? heightens the early game confusion and search for id as a person whose major ids have changed against his will. (lawful neutral)

C) gradual transformation. like how he came into his strength as a ghoul slowly. read a doujin like this once. was okay. quality art, big titties, 8/10. ngl would read the sequel. (Perhaps I am writing the sequel? aren’t we all just chasing our Brands across the lonely internet, hopping from one computer virus to the next? maybe u die reading hentai, or u live long enough to see urself post to ao3.) (chaotic neutral)

D) heals himself a new set of parts due to intense damage. see the haise RC chart, which has a ton of pathways around the hips/torso area. parallels with cutting eto in half?? (also lawful neutral)

E) started happening as a transformation when eto’s pheromones triggered his heat cycle for the first time. boy would he be pissed at her X2 lmao (lawful evil)

F) transformation during #240 time due to losing all memory and only having instinct to structure his body with, and just enough RC pathways to make a hormone based transformation possible. Chiba would have had a field day, but also would have torn out his horrible bowl cut in confusion. get rekt bud. not even #240 knows wtf goin on (neutral evil)

G) maybe he just wanted a vag! thought about that?? learns he is supposed to be able to manipulate his flesh like his kagune, which he is canonically great at, and just Goes For It. it works. he is a strong, dependent idiot who don’t need no dick. (iconic)

H) same as above, but that’s just what Haise does when he has the reigns. looks deep into his pastless self and asks ‘do i have to put up with this cis nonsense? not today.’ (chaotic iconic)

I) it happens suddenly when he activates his kakuja for the first time. queer the monster transformation u wish to see in the world. just. so confused. but also there’s Guilt to be felt about banjou and amon and such, so that’s back burner. (chaotic evil)

okay, so in like fifteen minutes i was able to name 9 perfect opportunities for ishida to carry though the motif of 1)iding with female ghouls 2)paralleling with canon trans man mutsuki 3)litcherally having a female ghoul organ donation fiasco 4)being associated with vacillating between masculine yang and feminine yin black/white 5)having a narrative that revolved around accepting his body and learning to find his own strength and id that is different than what he was born with - but coward ishida stopped sixty miles short of the mark. fool. I Cannot Feast Upon Crumbs, Sir. Sir, You Have Given Me Airplane Peanuts For Supper. Sir, I Am Starving And Antagonistic At Best.

(i shouldn’t call him a coward. three huge series magically having the same Wife And Kids ending all during the time shinzou abe is in office? probably not a coincidence. hope they got a good payout for it. i’d sell out for that $$$ too tbh)

eto is just an alpha. her human social id is a Normal Human Female Who Is Totally Cis and Straight for maximum social acceptance and ease of integration, but that’s only her mask. her personal id is an alpha, which is cis by ghoul standards, and she uses she/her pronouns bc she feels like it. she has the power to id as above alpha, but she enjoys the social invisibility it gives her, since she can blend in the background whereever and noone looks at her presumably weak ass twice. like chie, but for nefarious purposes.

....does that make her the equivalent of a ghoul feminist? i’m getting Too Deep

4) the wards can be isolated and far apart, and its been explored in canon with the Three Blades family and the white suites - congrats u 2 - and ghoul organizations that have a home ward having distinct cultural differences from one another. small ethnic groups and isolated diaspora? natives? subset?? of whatever the 24th ward ghouls - sorry, tokyo humans - are.

this sort of thing is only tangentially related to kaneki. if someone with a texas accent teaches someone to speak english, that person will have that accent, whether they’v ever been to texas or not. so he has some of the social mannerisms of a 20th ward ghoul, but generally still has a lot of ingrained human attributes to confuse them.

5) i’m still fascinated by the half finished thought about there are just some ghouls who become binge eaters in canon. like Rize wasn’t special for it. I think shinohara mentioned this?? but. it makes sense. general food insecurity, lack of permanent social support, total oppression, absurd power levels, plenty of humans to take it out on...ye.

and kaneki has the kakuhou of an adult binge eater. there’s cool hints of the kakuhou being parasitic, so a mature one would def fall into the biological fulfillment of binge eating for strength and carry that genetic knowledge into a new host. and from there, it would induce cravings, serotonin reward systems, and all that good stuff to get what its come to like.... like, mayhaps, a cordycepts? ;)

well, i’ve put ‘binge eater’ down as just a general omega trait, since it feels authentic to do so, so we’ll see what i do with this in the future. i will also see, since i too am ignorant of my own self. what will my horny subconscious do next? i am usually the last to know.

anyway,

peace

[mommy-may-i-blog]

Home Away

As I said in my previous post we are having this baby back in our hometown so if I forget something that I need it becomes more of an inconvenience to have to get it. Driving back home for it is not only a waste of time and gas but also just simply annoying. Whereas if we run out and buy it because I forgot it then it becomes a waste of money because I already have it just at home. So with out anymore moaning and groaning, here is what I am packing in my hospital bag.

Standard Supplies

There are things I think every woman needs when headed to the hospital to have a baby...and I am no different. Comfy pajamas are a must in my opinion. I am not the type of person who can just sit in a hospital gown the whole time I am there, so once I get the okay I change into something I am more comfortable in. I think this is because I hate being in clothes many other people have worn many of times longer than I have to. This go around I am just going to bring a pair of basket ball shorts since Blake has gotten me two things that will work for this category (keep reading to find out what those are).

Another obvious is a going home outfit. For this I suggest something with and elastic band (avoid jeans) ie; yoga pants, leggings, or gym shorts. I am going the route of comfy pants and a shirt. These pants are nice and baggy, as well as being thin so I won't be uncomfortable. I wouldn’t suggest these exact pants if you are getting a c-section because the waist band isn’t the most comforting thing, not that I even remember where I got them anyway.

Nonslip socks and/or slippers are a must, unless you enjoy getting free stuff from the hospital. (Most) Hospitals require that you have nonslip socks or slippers on when you are walking around. Some of you may be thinking theres no way in hell you are going to be up moving around but if your labor is taking a zillion hours theres no way you are going to be sitting in bed the whole time, your nurses will probably encourage you to get up and more around anyway. Another good reason is incase your little one winds up in NICU and you have to walk to go visit them. With that said I got these awesome socks from amazon and I think they're hilarious.

Oh! Here’s an after thought for you... When you're pushing do your really want a bunch of people touching your bare feet? Imagine even having your bare feet in those stir-ups that so many people have touched. No thanks.

Finally lets talk underwear. Once you get to leave those (amazing) mesh underwear you get in the hospital you are going to want something comfy down there. I suggest getting some Fruit of the Loom granny panties a size larger than what you would normally get. Getting a size bigger will not only be more comfortable during your recovery time but will also hold your postpartum pads much easier. Whatever you do, do not go out and get a bunch of Victoria Secret underwear no matter how good the sale is. These underwear you are getting have a 90% chance of getting ruined, I’m just trying to save you from wasting the money.

Princess Products

This section is going to be filled with stuff most people would think I was weird for bringing, but I’m doing it anyway.

Since I am an advocate for breast feeding I am obviously packing all of my breast feeding products, such as; nursing bra, breast pads, and a breast pump. I am bringing a nursing bra not only for when people are around to visit but also for going home incase we stop anywhere before getting to our house. Breast pads are honestly something I think every should bring whether or not you are breast feeding because your body will still produce and leak milk in the beginning. Fun Fact: if you get the reusable pads (even if you're not BFing) you care wear them and put them under the sheet of where baby sleeps and it will help comfort them while they sleep because they will have your scent with them. Lastly I am bringing my own breast pump only because I don’t respond to Medela pumps which is what my hospital provides.

Blake got me these hospital gown type “dresses” and I am going to bring one if not both of them. I am not sure if my hospital lets moms wear their own gowns but these are made for labor, delivery, and nursing so I am taking them for at least the nursing aspect of them. I am also bringing my phone and charger, but who wouldn’t. Another “silly” thing I am bringing is my make up for self confidence reasons. I know people are going to say that I don’t need to worry about it but I hate looking back at pictures of me from when Dexter was born because I look like I’d been hit by a truck and on extremely heavy medications. Since neither of which were true it means thats what I really looked like and I hate it. So to combat those feelings I am bringing my make up, this will help me stop thinking about what I look like and be more focused on our growing family. 

Lastly, I am bringing snacks. The hospital does provide you with breakfast, lunch, and dinner for all the times you are there which is great, however sometimes the options you are given are not the best or the portion size is extremely small. With all that being said I am just bringing some breast feeding friendly snacks like Clif bars and my big water bottle. I plan on picking up a bigger water bottle if I have time but for now this is the one I plan on using. The hospital will give me water all day long, plus I will have a bathroom attached to our room, but I drink A LOT of water and even more when I’m nursing so having a large bottle with me to constantly fill up just makes life a little easier.

Terrific Toiletries

I got this little bag in my Amazon welcome baby box and it is the perfect size for all the toiletries I am packing. Some obvious things I am taking with me is my tooth care things, if you don’t have a lot of room I suggest getting travel size tooth paste but this bag is pretty spacious so I’m not too worried. As for my hair I am bringing my hair brush, hair ties, headbands, and travel size shampoo and conditioner. The hair brush is obvious, you gotta brush your hair or you look like a mess and not a hot one either. Hair ties and headbands are helpful for delivery because there is nothing more annoying  than having hair in your face while you are trying to push out a freaking baby. Getting travel size shampoo and conditioner because it takes up less space in my bag but also because Blake is going to want to take a shower where ever he and Dexter end up staying and we share shampoo and conditioner. I am not bringing body wash because the hospital provides a body wash that helps keeps your newly tortured lady bits clean and healthy. Finally I am also bringing lip balm and over night period pads. Lip balm is for during delivery because the breathing you do while pushing dries your lips out so fast. I currently have this EOS stick but I would prefer a basic carmex stick because it is my favorite. I suggest a stick chapstick, not the liquid, because then your partner or whomever is with you can assist with the application when you’re exhausted. Lastly the big pads are for going home just in case I run out of the pads from the hospital and don’t end up getting anymore from them.

Mama Tip: Before you are close to be discharged pack up what you have left of the bathroom stuff the hospital gives you like the pads, underwear, and witch hazel pads (and the baby diapers). Then tell them that you need more because whatever you use in your room you get to take home and those things are amazing once you’re home.