#i thought about changing it bc it's kind of long

[lnfours]

close to you | l.n

summary: chemical override, ultraviolet, you could be mine tonight ; or having a crush is mind boggling, soul crushing and confusing, but also so exciting at the same time.

warnings: inspired by close to you by gracie abrams, friends to lovers (bc it’s my brand), pining, all the feels, reader is childhood best friends with pietra, fluff, and some language here and there

jordans notes: hi everyone! long time no see (😅) i’m slowly getting back into writing, school has been kicking my ass. i don’t think this is my best work, but i really wanted to get something out for you guys since ive been gone so long! i promise there’s more to come than just this! i hope you all are well!! sending you all my love 🤍

masterlist | listen to the playlist

before you met him, you didn’t think about the color green too often. it was one of those colors you didn’t necessarily love or hate, it was just kind of… there.

to you, it was just one of those colors where shades of it were prettier than the actual color itself. or a color you only really liked during the fall. like how, typically, people only liked the color blue during the summer.

that was until you met him.

the boy with those big, beautiful, slightly blue but slightly green, water-colored eyes. now you love the color green. obsessed over it. thought about it every second of every day. it was crazy how a simple opinion could change in a matter of seconds, all because of those stupidly pretty eyes.

You lie awake on your back, staring at the ceiling. surely it wasn’t normal to obsess over someone this much, right? especially over someone you weren’t even sure would ever feel the same.

sure, you had crushes before, and had your fair share of falling quickly and all at once. it wasn’t an unusual feeling to you, no stranger to catching feelings rather quickly.

but this time around, everything was different. everything felt more intense, more mind-boggling and confusing and pulse rising. the feeling so foreign that sometimes you wish you had never met him so you wouldn’t have fallen so hard so sudden, but deep down you were so glad that you had.

it was the little things that made you wonder what it was like to be loved by him. the subtle glances in your direction, the gentle but lingering touches. you had thought you were going crazy, reading too much into things in the beginning. over-analyzing every little thing that made your body light up with excitement.

until pietra confirmed your suspicions.

“he’s totally into you,” she said, leaning closer to your ear as you watched him from across the room, his head tilted back, nose scrunched and eyes half shut as he laughed about something max had said, which was likely something stupid, “like, one hundred percent, down bad, into you.”

you tilted your head at the blonde, “you think so?”

she scoffed, “more like know so,”

“who told you?”

“no one has to tell me anything,” she said, “i can just tell.”

you rolled your eyes at her, “p, i’ve told you a million times, he’s not into me.”

but she was right. he was one hundred percent, undoubtedly, down. fucking. bad.

ever since the moment he met you at that stupid pub with max and his group of friends, all he wanted to do was get to know you. he didn’t want it to seem obvious when he asked max about you, but he knew no matter what he did it was going to seem obvious. just from the way he looked at you like you hung the stars in the night sky, he was no where near subtle.

he hated to admit it, but he had even done some lowkey instagram stalking through one of his private accounts. he had seen all the pictures of you and pietra, a life long friendship explained to him in front of his own eyes.

and every time his fingers would swipe through your account, all he could think about was how beautiful you were. how your eyes sparkled every time you smiled for the camera, how happy you looked when you genuinely laughed, and how he wished to be the reason behind the gorgeous sound forever.

he wasn’t trying to make it obvious tonight, not wanting to make it well known that he had his eyes on you for a while. but he had lost track at the amount of times you had caught him looking at you, and he swore he had even caught you looking at him first a handful of times.

so when everyone in the house decided that it was the end of the night and started filing through the door, he took it upon himself to make his way over to you. you were talking with pietra, a smile on your face as you giggled about something she had said. the brazilian woman’s eyes landed on him, to which she looked back at you and said something before you turned to look in his direction.

he smiled when your eyes met his, “hey, did you need a ride home?”

your heart threatened to leap out of your chest, “uhm, i was just gonna call an uber, you don’t have to-“

“no, no,” he said, shaking his head, “i insist, really. it’s not a big deal.”

how could you argue with him? those pretty green eyes, that smile, the face. you simply couldn’t. it was impossible. you couldn’t see the look pietra was giving you, but knowing her, you knew it was a look that said ‘go with him’.

and do you did, the cool, crisp autumn air in london suddenly making you wish you had brought a jacket. you had wished you planned for the nightly breeze, wishing you had opted for a long-sleeved shirt for the night instead of the spaghetti strap tank top you had chosen.

as you walked to the car that was parked down the street, he noticed you shivering. he saw the way you hugged yourself, your hair moving with the breeze. his curls danced in the wind and he knew if he was slightly cold, you were definitely freezing.

he tugged off the hoodie before passing it to you, the sound of the doors to the mclaren echoing before he turned to you.

“here,” he said, “it’s a little windy out, i know you’re probably freezing.”

your stomach did backflips as you took the soft black material from his hands, “oh, are you sure? aren’t you cold?”

he sent you a shrug, “i’ll live,”

there was no use arguing with him, so instead you sent him another smile in appreciation before tugging the sweatshirt over your head. it was already warm from hugging his body, and you couldn't help the way the smell of his cologne lingered in the soft material. you had to keep yourself from burying yourself in it, the feeling of being close to him without actually being close to him sending butterflies to your stomach.

the car ride was filled with comfortable silence, music softly playing in the background. he stole occasional looks over at your figure as you looked out the window, the neck of his hoodie pulled up to your face as you watched the street lights pass by. you looked beautiful in the dim light, he couldn’t help himself.

he thought about taking the long way to your house. a simple but effective way to be able to spend more time with you. however, the thought of you being confused and questioning his actions was enough for him to stay straight at the stop light instead of taking a right for the longer way.

he tried not to look disappointed when he reached your house, parking in front of it. he wondered if your roommates were home, if you’d tell them about the fact that he drove you home.

he turned the engine off, unclicking his seatbelt, “i’ll walk you up.”

you nodded, the both of you getting out of the car and walking through the dewy grass up to the wooden door. you fished for your keys in your purse, putting them into the lock before turning to look at him, “thanks for the ride,”

“anytime,” he smiled. he meant it. and you knew he meant it. he’d come get you at anytime of the day, wether it was early in the morning or late at night, he was always going to show up.

you stood there, eyes searching his face. he was so pretty to you, the brown curls that were slowly growing into a mullet to the sparkling eyes that you loved so much. the dimples in his cheeks that appeared whenever he smiled, the slight facial hair he had managed to grow, but your favorite part was the moles and freckles that covered his skin. the ones he had once complained about, but you loved the way they scattered his skin.

you dreamt of kissing each and every single one of them.

“hey, lando! long time no see!”

you both averted your attention, neither of you hearing the door open behind you. in the doorway stood your dark haired roommate, faith.

“hey,” he smiled softly, trying once again to not look disappointed from the way your moment was interrupted.

“we’re having drinks and watching movies if you wanted to join,” she smiled, ignoring the look you were sending her way.

“oh, uhm,” he started, not sure how to answer, “it’s getting kinda late, i dunno-“

“you can crash in y/n’s room, im sure she wouldn’t mind.”

what was that supposed to mean?

you looked over at him, “you don’t have to stay-“

“he’s been gone for weeks, he’s legally obligated,” she said, reaching from the doorway and grabbing both of your arms, “c’mon, liv is making martinis.”

you sighed heavily and he laughed softly at your protest that went unnoticed by her. your other roommate, olivia, stood in the kitchen.

“look who i found!” faith exclaimed excitedly.

“oh, hey guys! just in time,” she smiled, “it’s martini and movie friday!”

lando leaned over to you as the other two talked, “they do this every friday?”

you sighed again, nodding, “unfortunately,” you turned to your roommates, “we’re gonna head up to my room, actually,”

you led lando to the stairs, ignoring the playful teasing from the girls in the kitchen, “oooh!!”

“up to your room, huh?”

you shook your head, opening your bedroom door and letting him in before closing it, “‘m sorry for them, they’re… how do i put this?”

“a lot?” he asked, a smile playing at his lips.

“yeah, we can put it that way.”

he chuckled, sitting down on the bed as you put your things down. he looked around your bedroom, not much had changed since the last time he had been in it. the fairy lights dimly lit up the room, photos littered the walls. the desk that sat in the corner of the room kept your makeup bag and brushes, a mirror sitting in the middle.

he looked at your nightstand, a picture of you, him, max and pietra sitting on the wooden surface. it was a picture from miami, smiles on all of your faces. you stood in the middle, arm wrapped around his middle as you smiled for the camera, his trophy in the hand that wasn’t wrapped around your middle.

“i’m gonna change,” you said, “i might have a pair of your sweatpants somewhere if you wanted to change.”

he nodded, “yeah, that’d be great.”

you turned back to the dresser, opening drawers in search for the pair of sweatpants he leant you one day. the same day he picked you up from the failed date. the one that left you crying outside, swearing up and down that you’d never find love. despite it being in front of you this entire time.

finally finding the black material, you handed them to him, “i meant to give them back, but i just haven’t seen you,”

he shook his head. you could’ve kept them forever and he wouldn’t have minded one bit, “it’s alright,”

you grabbed your pajama bottoms from the foot of the bed, “be right back.”

he changed into the sweatpants while you were gone, still looking around your room. he smiled at the picture of you and your roommates, clearly taken at a party. you wore the prettiest smile he had ever seen, dressed in a black off the shoulder top. it was from the same night he realized he liked you in more than just a friendly way.

the door opening brought him back to reality, his eyes landing on your figure and how you were still wearing the black hoodie he had given you earlier. it brought a small smile to his face.

you noticed his eyes on you, looking down at the black hoodie, “i swear i’ll give it back once i wash it.”

he laughed softly, shaking his head, “it’s okay. it looks better on you anyways.”

you smiled, fighting the heat that was rising your cheeks but it was no use. he joined you on the bed, watching as you flipped through different things on netflix.

“you don’t have to stay, y’know,” you said, looking over at him, “if you have better things to do..”

“i don’t,” he said, turning his head to look your way, “in all honesty, there’s no where else i’d rather be.”

you sucked in a breath, your eyes dancing across his face once again. it was hard for you not to stare, not when he looked so pretty like this. back pressed against your headboard, hair slightly messy, and he looked so cozy. it made you want to wrap yourself around him, lay your head on his chest.

he did the same, his eyes scanning your face like he was trying to memorize every single feature, every single imperfection that he thought was still perfect. the same ones you’d argue about, but he still always found adorable.

his voice broke the comfortable silence that had fallen between the two of you, “do you ever have something to say but can’t find the words to say it?”

your furrowed your eyebrows, “like?”

he licked his lips, his attention now fixed on his hands as he fiddled with the ring on his middle finger. you never thought he’d be the type to get shy, almost embarrassed as his cheeks turned a light shade of pink.

“like, i dunno,” he mumbled, “i just.. i don’t know how to put it, but ever since the moment we met, i’ve found myself just.. thinking about you. thinking about what it’d be like to cross this weird, thin, little line we’ve drawn. if we both just said ‘fuck it’ and dove head first into whatever uncharted territory we’re tiptoeing around.”

his eyes met yours again as he let out a nervous breath. you hadn’t realized you had been holding yours, shock clearly written on your face which made him shake his head.

“never mind, it’s dumb-“

“lando,”

“- i knew i shouldn’t have listened to what max was going on about-“

you rolled your eyes as he kept blabbering away, talking nonsense. your body moving before your brain could comprehend what you were about to do, only catching up when your hands met his jaw and you were suddenly catching yourself a mere few inches from his face.

it was too late now, no going back.

you pulled his face closer to yours, his blabbering coming to a halt when you pressed your lips to his. his brain short circuited, you pulling away before he had the chance to kiss you back.

“‘m sorry,” you immediately apologized, “i don’t know why i did-“

it was his turn to cut you off now, grabbing your chin and pulling you back to his lips. his thumb traced along your jaw, his pointer finger sitting underneath your chin.

you kissed him back after a second of surprise, letting his free hand reach down to grab your hip, pulling you on top of his lap. your hands threaded through his curls, nails scratching his scalp.

when you both finally pulled away, all you could do was smile. giggles and chuckles echoing through the room as you both sat breathless, his nose bumping yours as he tucked a piece of stray hair away from your face.

“so we’re in agreement then, huh?” he asked.

“isn’t that obvious?” you smiled and he shook his head, letting out another boyish laugh.

“how long have you.. y’know, had feelings for me, i guess?”

“since the minute i saw you,” he confessed, “you were the most beautiful girl in the room, a smile that would make everyone stop and stare. it’s always been you, i’ve just been too scared to tell you.”

you smiled again, heart fluttering in your chest. all the dreams and wishes you spent with him on your mind, it was all finally paying off, “it’s always been you for me, too. i thought i had been way too obvious, but clearly i wasn’t obvious enough.”

“we were both too oblivious,” he said, moving more hair from your face, “but it’s okay, we’re here now.”

you were convinced your smile was never going to be wiped off your face, “kiss me again,”

“with pleasure,” he mumbled, lips finding yours once more as you melted into him.

[yayll]

IM SO HAPPY YOU LIKE IT!!! Opposites attract are literally my favorite trope ever, i love bad boy unhinged rockstar Dazai and him developing a crush on the cute, considered the industry sweetheart who dresses in frills and bows idol/pop star Reader, and considering that idols change their outfits to support the themes of songs/tours i can imagine they get a matching outfit set one day and its rock style…..idol reader dressed in black and other dark colors, rips in their clothes and some skin showing……Rockstar!Dazai is biting the bars of his encloser-TeenZai anon

so sorry this is so late angel.... also i may have gotten a bit carried away w this concept................ i love u teenzai anon this one's for u and all the rockstar!dazai adorers out there (and for me bc i'm INSANE for this whole thing put me downnn) basically idol reader taking up dazai's rocker aesthetic for the concept/theme of the tour is literally the DEATH of him. and not in the way he's always wishing for >:3

~ a little something about Rockstar!Dazai and Popstar!Reader finding a middle ground ~

You show up to soundcheck one morning completely in tune with the plan for the show but thinking nothing of it, because you're sweet and cool and in perfect flow! Something Dazai simply isn't and it makes him practically gawk as you saunter past him into the dressing room. a few moments later you walk out in a matching outfit that compliments the one he's wearing and it's all over. Completely fucking done. The man practically goes non-verbal for a few moments when he suddenly calls for his assistant to fetch him his pack of cigarettes so he can dash outside to the alley of the venue to get himself together. The nerve of you to look absolutely ravishing in a completely different aesthetic... So hot. So annoying.

Of course you follow behind him, curious and also hoping he's genuinely okay (you're not just a sweetheart for show and he hates that!) You find him leaning against the wall, his lighter failing to give him the flame he needs for his sweet relaxation. All he hears is soft giggling and light footsteps.

"I'll light it."

You take the lighter from him and flawlessly flicker it alive while he just watches you with the stick between his lips, amazed and slightly aroused. He can't help but notice the way his nerves seem to immediately settle with you nearby and it both comforts and concerns him. Dazai looks down at your face as you lean forward with the lighter, a tiny moment of softness appearing in his eyes as he watches you light the end of his cigarette, the flame from the lighter making his Hazelnut eyes light up slightly. He quickly takes in a long and deep drag, his shoulders visibly immediately relaxing once the smoke hits his lungs, and his cool guy demeanor is back on. You chime in, poking your head back into his line of sight.

"Better?"

You smile at him sweetly, always keeping things cordial.

"Much."

He stares at you under his messy bangs, his narrowed eyes softening by the second as his lips curl upward. You're just too true.

You simply hum, standing around idly though not in the way that claims awkwardness, but rather the comfortable kind of silence neither of them get to experience often in this fast paced industry. You look down at your black platform leather boots, a sheer contrast from who you usually present as and it somehow feels liberating. You breathe out, matching his coolness.

"Thought so."

He almost snorts at that, and turns back to look over the features of your angelic face. no amount of black you wear could overshadow the glimmer that follows you everywhere you go. You're a lucky star that's gone as quick as it comes. One day he'll make a wish on you.

"You know me so well."

You huff into a soft laugh that lingers and eventually dies in your throat when you realize the fluttering in your chest is only growing. Yikes. You mutter, low and careful.

"I just... Didn't want you to have a bad night tonight, I guess. With the concert and the album dropping and all... I hope you don't mind I'm sort of dressed like you, heh."

You end it with a shrug as you look ahead at the clouds in the sky and for the first time in a while you feel a tinge of nerves. you, the industry's sweetheart can still feel that after your major lasting success? shocking.

He huffs slightly in response, leaning his back against the wall and tilting his head up, staring up at the sky as he mutters back.

"It's not like I ever really have a totally good time on nights like this, anyway."

You flash your attention at him, tilting your head. In all your years of the supposed 'clashing' between you, you have never heard him speak this way.

"Nights 'like this'?"

He glances back over to you, bringing the cigarette back to his lips for another quick drag before responding, watching you stare at him intently.

"Ahh, performing. All the people. The fans being all over me. The media. All of it, all the time. It's exhausting, actually. I know I'm super hot and talented, but the performance doesn't always end when I get off that stage."

This causes you to lean in just a tad and murmur, curiously.

"... So why do it? All of this?"

And just when he's about to truly spill it all, talk about his never ending battle with his mortality and his career and the way you dominate every single topic in his mind, he simply just looks at you and blows cigarette smoke in your face with that signature smirk of his you always pretend to find so irritating.

"Sometimes it feels real and constant. It's the only thing I can count on... Other than seeing your silly little imitation of me on stage. Hate the mesh, by the way."

You simply stare, taken aback by his oddly sincere and blunt answer. You mutter under your breath as you bite your freshly manicured nails.

"...Yeah?"

Dazai hesitates a moment, his dark eyes glancing away from you as he takes another drag from the cigarette, a moment of vulnerability flickering through his expression. He takes another moment before responding, his voice gruff and a little shaky.

"Yeah..."

He continues to stare off to the side for a long moment, a hint of something like longing and painful restraint crossing his expression as he seems to internally struggle with something. Dazai's expression hardens a little as he finally looks back at you, his shoulders visibly tense as he puffs on the cigarette again, blowing out a long stream of smoke as he tries to push down his own feelings.

But you can tell, you can always tell. Media training, baby.

After what feels like an eternity, you reach out for his cigarette and take it in between your lips, taking a long drag of it yourself. You puff out smoke in a far less cool way than he made it seem, feigning nonchalance as if this isn't the first time you've ever even TRIED one of these damn things.

"Minty..."

He glances at you as you take the cigarette and take a drag yourself, a small but subtle flicker of curiosity in his expression. He watches you exhale and blow out the stream of smoke, before responding in a sardonic voice.

"Since when do you smoke, little miss bubblegum pop?"

You choke out a laugh, waving away the smoke to regain your breath. You smile faintly with a shrug as you hand it back to him after taking one more drag for good measure.

"I don't."

He raises his eyebrows slightly, giving you a look of mischief.

"Then why are you puffing on my cigarette, hm? Your manager would have a stroke if they saw you like this, you know. I'd be marked as a 'bad influence'~"

You shrug again and hum with all the bravery in the world your little heart can muster.

"...Tastes like you, is all."

He just continues to stare at you for a moment, processing your answer. Dazai's expression still remains as unreadable and emotionless as ever, but his eyes flicker for a moment, something indiscernible flashing through them for a fleeting second. It's the internal panic from how badly he wants to kiss you right here and now. He seems to hesitate for a moment before responding with a small smirk forming on his face and sounding wayyy too eager.

"...Is that a good thing?"

You exhale, the smoke leaving your nostrils as you murmur softly, eyes locked on his.

"...Yeah. It's a real and constant thing."

His breath hitches, shoulders visibly reacting by scrunching up as you give your answer. He doesn't say anything, but there's a flicker of something like vulnerability in his expression, a hint of softness around his eyes that betrays his usual cool and careless exterior. He remains silent for a moment longer before responding, his voice a low murmur.

"Yeah... Real."

And before you know it, you simply decide to say fuck it! And do something you'd never have the guts to do before Dazai and his ridiculous self entered your life. You lean in slowly, inching closer and closer to his lips. You're within an inch of kissing him when you whisper.

"... For good luck tonight, Osamu."

Dazai watches you in silence as you lean forward towards him, his expression going from unreadable to filled with pure unfiltered need. As you pause just inches away from his mouth, his eyes flicker once more, his dark irises shifting down to your lips for a second before returning to your eyes. For a moment he doesn't move, just staring down at you with an almost pathetically vulnerable expression on his face. You know better than to say his name like that. Then, in a low voice, he whispers back.

"... Shut up."

He leans down suddenly, pressing his lips against yours. Dazai's lips press against yours in a firm, almost desperate kiss. One of his arms wraps around your waist, pulling you flush against his body, while the other hand moves up to cradle the back of your head, threading his fingers through your purposefully messy yet somehow still soft hair. The kiss is passionate and intense, you can't even fathom how it's all gone down like this but you don't care.

Dazai thinks about how you taste delicious, sinful, and more importantly: Real.

For a few seconds, he kisses you deeply, his tongue exploring your mouth, before he finally breaks away, the both of you gasping for breath as he speaks in a quiet and hoarse voice.

"I can't think straight around you like this you silly little thing."

You smile, suddenly back to being bashful and absolutely ready for whatever happens tonight. You both look stunning and it's not just the outfits that speak on it. It's the genuine spark between you two, the collaboration everyone wanted but you NEEDED.

Just when you're about to reply to his snarky comment, your managers bust through the door to the alley and frantically fuss over you both as they yap about how late you are to soundcheck and the pre-show meet and greet. And why do you smell like cigarettes?!

Dazai turns up the charm and bad boy persona while you play up the apologetic and totally easygoing idol who's more than happy to make up for the lost time with the fans! And now in a different color scheme than they're used to!

Before you and Dazai are whisked away into opposite ends to finish getting ready, he leans into the shell of your ear, barely grazing it with his lips as he whispers playfully.

"You drive me crazy. See you on stage, and then maybe backstage~"

You swear you can feel every nerve in your body twitch when he smugly prances away from you after saying that.

... And of course the concert is a total jam, everyone's raving about the new music + matching outfits you're both sporting along with the undeniable chemistry you're cooking up. It's in the way you smile at each other in between songs, or when Dazai's singing a particularly flirty lyric he gazes at you instead of the screaming fans in the crowd. You dance and he watches, just like everybody else always does when you're in the room. Spellbound.

He may be wishing on you a little earlier than he thought he would be, but you don't seem to mind one bit, his lucky star. ⋆｡°✩

[stillwanderingflame]

what is "id rather be dry but at least im alive" a reference to?

It's a lyric from Lady Gaga's "Rain On Me"! (I can't remember if there's volume control on these previews so take care if you have headphones in)

It's comin' down on me Water like misery It's comin' down on me I'm ready, rain on me I'd rather be dry, but at least I'm alive

I think Lady Gaga has said the song has many meanings, but I took it to mean trying to keep your head up while you're really going through it. I really vibed with the idea that "I'd rather not be in the shit, but, hey, at least I'm alive!"

(Also I really hate getting rained on so it works two ways, hehe)

[heartorbit]

find another role, carry on the show

[screebyy]

A little crowlyon dawning comic wheee i finished it please clap

Next

I have lots more written on this but idk if i will do another comic or write part of it as a fic or some mix of both. im just very normal about them right now 🙂

ID/transcript below cut

Panel 1: Crow is walking down a path outside of the dreaming city with a brown cross-body messenger bag slung over his shoulder. Crow is holding the strap of the messenger bag and looking up in exasperation as he talks to Glint, who is floating beside him and speaking emphatically. Crow: “There's still time to turn back…” Glint: “Don't!” Crow: “But -” Glint: “You said you wanted to go through with this!” Crow: “I know but -” Panel 2: Close up of Crow’s eyes as he spots something off-screen. He looks startled. Crow: “!-”

Panel 3: Jolyon is standing next to a natural stone wall, looking away from the viewer. He is resting one hand on the wall and staring out at the Dreaming City watchtower and buildings in the distance, which are overtaken with taken corruption and several taken orbs hang in the air around the city. Crow is standing in the foreground, looking at Jolyon with one hand resting on his messenger bag. Crow: “Jolyon.”

Panel 4: Close shot of Jolyon turning towards the viewer, he is only visible from his shoulder to his nose so his expression is neutral and unreadable.

Panel 5: Camera is looking over Jolyon’s shoulder as he looks at crow. Crow looks at Jolyon with determination. He is holding the strap of his bag with one hand where it falls across his chest. Glint is transmatting away with an enthusiastic expression. Jolyon’s face is not visible.  Crow: “Thanks for meeting me” Glint: “ok good luck bye”

Panel 6: Close shot of Crow’s face. He is looking down and to his left, blushing lightly. He looks uncertain and slightly embarrassed. Crow: “I’m sorry if you… didn’t want to hear from me.” Jolyon (offscreen): “It’s fine.”

Panel 7: Close shot of Jolyon’s face. He is staring down at Crow with a distant, slightly pained expression.  Jolyon: “What do you want?”

Panel 8: Close shot of Crow’s hands gripping the strap of the messenger bag. He is twisting it with both hands, clearly fidgeting due to nervousness. Crow: “I’m…”

Panel 9: Side shot of Crow and Jolyon looking at each other. Crow is leaning slightly forward, while Jolyon looks entirely neutral. Crow: “I’m trying to make amends.” Jolyon: “Amends. For what?”

Panel 10: Close shot of Crow’s face. He looks confused but determined, and is looking up at Jolyon with a furrowed brow.  Crow: “For-... For Uldren, for everything-”

Panel 11: Extreme closeup of Jolyon’s eyes. He looks angry and his eyes are suddenly glowing with intensity as he glares down at Crow. Jolyon: “No. What specifically?”

Panel 12: Low angle looking up at Jolyon, who is glaring down at Crow with an intense, angry expression, bordering on hatred. Jolyon: “Tell me. What exactly do you remember?”

Panel 13: Extreme closeup of Jolyon’s mouth as he sneers, speaking through gritted teeth. Jolyon: “Crow.”

Panel 14: Shot of Crow’s face, he looks startled and distraught as he stares at Jolyon. Crow: “...”

Panel 15: Crow looks away to his right, looking ashamed. Crow: “I remember enough. I remember when things were good between us. And when they were… less good.”

Panel 16: Extreme close up of Jolyon’s left eye, he is looking down at Crow and looks alarmed. Crow: “I remember the garden.”

Panel 17: Wide shot from behind Crow. Crow is looking up at Jolyon. Jolyon is flinching and looking swiftly away from Crow to his left. Crow: “After that… things start to get confused. Honestly, I don’t understand everything that happened between us at the end… But I know it wasn’t what he wanted.”

Panel 18: Shot of Jolyon looking away, looking extremely upset as Crow talks. Crow: “So… I’m sorry. For all of it.”

Panel 19: Extreme close up of Jolyon’s eyes, he is squeezing his eyes shut and still looks emotional. Crow: “And so is he.”

Jolyon: “...”

Panel 20: Wide shot from behind Jolyon. Jolyon turns back to look down at crow, his face is not visible. Crow is still looking up at him. Jolyon: “Okay. Is that all?”

Panel 21: Shot of Crow’s face, turning down to look at the messenger bag at his hip. Crow looks nervous and is blushing with embarrassment. Crow: “Um…”

Panel 22: Close shot of Crow’s hand as he opens the messenger bag and reaches inside. A purple box is visible inside the bag. Crow: “No.”

Panel 23: Wide shot of Crow. He has pulled the purple box out of the bag, and is looking down at it, blushing slightly. In an inset panel, Jolyon is looking at him suspiciously. Crow: “Do you know about the dawning?” Jolyon: “Yes… The Awoken don’t celebrate it.” Crow: “I know.”

Panel 24: Close shot of Crow’s face as he looks down at the box. He is smiling wistfully, and blushing. Crow: “But… in the city, we give each other sweets, to say thanks. And… I don’t know. Now, it always reminds me of this time…”

The background shifts to a black backdrop, with white snowflakes falling quickly.

Panel 25: Extreme close up of Uldren Sov’s face in a flashback. It is dark, and snowing. Uldren is wearing a hood and is hunched over while looking straight ahead at the viewer. His hair is obscuring his right eye, and he looks serious and intense. Crow: “It was centuries ago. Back when the last city was just a tiny settlement.”

Panel 26: Close up of Uldren holding a pair of dark gray-purple binoculars, with glowing magenta lenses. He is resting his hand with the binoculars on one knee in the air. Uldren is wearing a dark blue shirt and black gloves with burnt orange detailing, and a long black cloak. Crow: “I… He was doing surveillance on earth. Keeping tabs on the people trying to build a sanctuary beneath the traveler.”

Panel 27: A wide shot from behind Uldren, who is sitting on top of a dilapidated building on earth. He is looking down on a festive nighttime scene. There are several buildings that have been partially destroyed and reclaimed by time, but dark silhouettes of people have made a home in them. The windows are all glowing with firelight, and the buildings have been decorated with glowing garlands and colorful flags. Between the buildings, many people are visible, holding hands, hugging, and waving at each other. It is snowing very hard, and snow is piled up around Uldren and the village. Four inset panels show closer views of people within the village.  The first shows a woman hugging a man from behind. The man is holding a steaming hot cake inside a baking tray, and is wearing baking gloves. The woman is pressing her face against his neck, and the man is turning towards her and laughing. The second panel shows a human man throwing his arm over the shoulder of a blue exo. The Exo is waving at somebody to the left, and the man is looking the other direction and lifting a tankard of beer in cheers. The third panel shows an Awoken person and a human woman sitting at a table. The Awoken is holding a warm mug of tea, and is smiling lightly at the human woman. The human woman is turned towards the Awoken and is leaning close to them. She has placed one hand on their arm tenderly. The fourth panel shows a closeup of two people, one with dark hair and one with light hair. The light haired person is cupping the dark haired person with one hand, and is leaning in to kiss their other cheek. The dark haired person is blushign and laughing with their eyes closed. Crow: “They had almost nothing. But they were celebrating. Sharing, and laughing.”

Panel 28: Another closeup of Uldren’s eye as he watches the scenes below him, he now looks sad and distant. Crow: “It was snowing, nonstop. It was so cold. And he was so lonely…”

Panel 29: Uldren is walking away from the viewer, through a dark pine forest covered in snow. His cloak is blowing in the wind.

Panel 30: Uldren’s ship is flying towards the Dreaming city in the distance, weaving between two cliffs in the reef. Snow is blowing in the ships glowing purple trail.

Panel 31: Wide, side view of Uldren as he walks through the snow-covered dreaming city. In the background, ornate arches and pillars can be seen, along with an awoken statue. Snow is falling hard, and it looks windy.

Panel 32: Shot over Uldren’s shoulder as he bangs loudly on a wooden door. His hood is up and his face is not visible.

Panel 33: Waist-high shot of Jolyon opening the door. Jolyon is wearing a green sweater with the sleeves rolled up, and gray sweatpants. Jolyon: “Hello?”

Panel 34: Side shot of Uldren rushing inside, tackling Jolyon with a hug. Jolyon looks startled, and is stumbling back inside the doorway as the snow blows inside. Jolyon: “Wha-”

Panel 35: Side shot of Jolyon and Uldren embracing. Uldren has buried his face in Jolyon’s shoulder, and Jolyon is cupping the back of his head tenderly with one hand while his other arm drapes around Uldren’s shoulder. Uldren is clutching Jolyon’s sweater with one hand. Jolyon: “Aren’t you supposed to be on earth? Why are you back so soon?” Uldren: “Why do you think? I was freezing my ass off.”

Panel 36: Close shot of Uldren’s face pressed into Jolyon’s sweater, he is smiling wide and blushing slightly. His hair is falling over his face and his eyes are not visible. Uldren: “Listen- this is kind of stupid, but… Do you want to bake something with me? Something sweet?”

Panel 37: Shot of Jolyon’s hands in present day, holding the purple box that Crow has given him. The lid has been removed, revealing that it is full of cookies. They look like italian almond cookes, covered in powdered sugar and slivered almonds. Jolyon: “Hah… you remember that?”

Panel 38: Crow glances away, smiling nostalgically and blushing lightly. Crow: “Yeah. We made… well, I guess they were kind of like almond cookes? There were almonds in them, at least…”

Flashback Panel 1: In the background, a memory from the flashback is visible. It shows Uldren and Jolyon standing in a kitchen. Jolyon is standing behind Uldren and holding his waist affectionately. Uldren is holding a mixing bowl on the kitchen counter with one hand, and is pouring something into the bowl with his other hand. Several ingredients are visible strewn all over the counter, along with piles of spilled dough. Jolyon: “Haha, what are you doing? You’ve got to measure.” Uldren: “Following my royal intuition.” Jolyon: “Your intuition kind of looks like cat puke.”

Flashback Panel 2: View of Jolyon and Uldren from the front. Uldren is mixing the dough with a wooden spoon, and looking down at the bowl with a soft smile. Jolyon is behind him, with one arm wrapped around his waist. His other hand is holding Uldren’s arm tenderly. Jolyon is leaning down to kiss Uldren’s cheek. Jolyon: “You’re making a mess of my kitchen, Sov.” Uldren: “I’ll clean it up.” Jolyon: “Will you?” Uldren: “For you? Probably.”

Panel 39: In present day, Jolyon is staring down at the tin of cookies, smiling faintly. Crow (offscreen): “We didn’t really have much of a plan…” Jolyon: “Uldren wasn’t big on plans. Or recipes.”

Panel 40: Jolyon says from offscreen, above the rest of the panel: “Whatever they were, they didn’t turn out very good.” In the panel, Crow is blushing furiously, looking nervously at a thought bubble to his left with a shaky smile. Within his thought bubble another memory is visible, of Jolyon and Uldren kissing passionately on a couch. In the background of the memory, several “BEEP” sound effects are visible. Jolyon is on top of Uldren, holding Uldren’s head in one hand while kissing his neck. Uldren is smirking, while pulling Jolyon’s shirt off with both hands. Jolyon (flashback): “Oven’s going off. We should probably get that.” Uldren (flashback): “I don’t give a shit.” Crow (present day): “Um. Yeah. They were kind of… burnt…”

Panel 41: In present day, Jolyon is smiling faintly, looking at one of the cookies as he holds it up in front of his face. Crow (offscreen): “These are better, I hope.” Jolyon: “Seems like it.”

Panel 42: Close up of Jolyon taking a bite of the cookie.

Panel 43: Crow is smiling enthusiastically up at Jolyon. Jolyon (offscreen): “They’re good.” Crow: “Good!”

Panel 44: Close up of Jolyon. His smile is falling, he looks seems distant and emotional as he looks down at Crow. His eyes are glistening with the first signs of tears. Jolyon: “I uh…”

Panel 45: Jolyon turning to his right, digging the heel of his hand into his right eye as his tears start to fall. He looks distraught, squeezing his eyes shut. Jolyon: “I should go.”

Panel 46: Shot over Crow’s shoulder, Jolyon is walking swiftly away, holding one hand over his face. Crow is looking after him, with one hand reaching awkwardly towards Jolyon. Crow: “Wait…” Jolyon: “Thank you.”

Panel 47: Shot of Crow’s face as he watches Jolyon leave. He looks startled and upset. Crow: “...”

Panel 48: Crow facepalms, looking frustrated and embarrassed. Crow: AUGH.

Panel 49: Crow is sitting on a rock on the cliffside, he is hunched over and propping up his face on one hand. He looks defeated and is sighing. Glint has re-appeared next to him, and looks enthusiastic. Glint: “That could have gone worse! He said they were good! How do you feel?” Crow. “Fantastic. Why did I let you talk me into this?”

[dykedivorce]

THE NEWSREADER | 1x01 "Three, two, one..."

[camels-pen]

the difference between zosopp and sanuso (romantic OR platonic) is that Usopp is Zoro's specialest little guy and Zoro is someone Usopp hangs out with and looks up to and hides behind when things get scary, but Sanji and Usopp are best friends. They horse around, they beat each other up, they confide their worst fears trying to one up each other. Usopp hides behind Sanji sometimes, sure, but idk, Sanji's weaknesses are more obvious (bugs, fighting women, etc) so there are times when Usopp has to stand in front of Sanji too, yknow?

Like, how do I say this, all the crewmates are equal- Usopp and Zoro are equals- but with Sanji it feels like more... comradery? Zoro's a rock in a terrible storm- even rocks tend to get weathered and chipped and worn down, but they overall stay strong and steady. He has trouble being vulnerable and there are times when the burden he's placed on himself to keep the crew safe is crushing his chest. Usopp would help with that and be very understanding, but the point I'm trying to get with that is that those moments are few and far between. So I feel like Usopp, especially after Water 7, would take Zoro's lead on something like that, and keep most of his worries to himself or only talk about them sparingly unless they're really bad and/or he can't hide them.

Sanji is like a tree in a storm; he can be strong, yes, but it feels like he bends and sways with the storm, and has more obvious breaking points. He can relate more to Usopp's struggles rather than resorting to blunt honesty that might border on callous like Zoro. And while, with Zosopp, I tend to think of scenarios with Zoro being blunt like that as a good thing- because sometimes when you're spiraling, it's nice to have someone say exactly what's great about you and shoot down all your worries with straight facts that you can't argue with- I can also see this as being a bad thing. Anxiety can really twist up your brain sometimes, you know? And despite the words, the tone could still mess someone up if they're already feeling like a burden on others in some way.

With Sanuso it's a lot more understanding and thoughtful words. It's distractions and comfort food and patience- the kind reserved for Usopp- until Usopp talks about whatever's troubling him. Compared to Zosopp, it doesn't take as long for Usopp to open up, since he's done the same thing to Sanji at times and it's more familiar to him to talk and commiserate with Sanji about his worries and doubts and such. However, there are times stuff like this has absolutely no effect and Sanji will end up at a loss, no idea what to do or how to help over the course of several days with Usopp being quiet and keeping his distance, and he'll end up working himself up about it which will only serve to make Usopp feel worse and. yeah. bit of a vicious cycle with them.

So it's like. Usopp can be weak with both of them, but since I see Sanji as the type of guy who'd be more open with his worries (at least compared to Zoro), there's less of a need to 'perform' and be his best self around him. He's comfortable around Zoro, yes, but he is constantly wanting to show that he won't be a problem to him. On the other hand, while he's more open with Sanji, and Sanji with him, they tend to relate a bit too much with each other and they both have issues with causing trouble for others and being 'deserving of love' so failed attempts at consoling one hurts the other and creates an unpleasant cycle of misery and avoidance before some other crewmate (Zoro) tells them to quit being stupid and just fucking talk to each other.

[skunkes]

might sound weird to say as a person with a couple ocs who have Big Horrible Event(s) in their backstories or as a person who has like 3 ocs total bc he sucks at writing and as a person who hopes their ocs arent too Boring with [the thing im about to mention] but the thing about writing [characters] and [people] is that like.

any little thing a person experiences can take up their whole existence... its actually something "fun" to experience as i meet new ppl and do more things. My friend had something happen that she'll be talking about forever. I had several things happen last year that ill never stop talking about, some of which other ppl think werent that bad actually. In the same way I'll forever remember about the way my sister accidentally insulted me almost 10 years ago, it's really interesting and Fun to find and assign smaller things like that to characters...its really Real. some people's dealbreakers are other people's solvable problems etc etc

[piplupod]

feels like the isolation is a gushing wound and going to the centre is just a small bandage. i think perhaps i am not really ever going to feel okay unless something miraculous happens. i am retaining some semblance of sanity now that I'm leaving the house and socializing with non-family more than once a week, but i am still hurting more than I can really tolerate and I don't know what to do about it. there doesn't seem to be a fix for this that I can enact.

[bardkin]

been doing some internal questioning that boils down to “is it the auADHD or i am plural in some way???”

and i’m. not sure if i want to know the answer. at least not yet.

[hey-scully-itsme]

got to go on a trail ride yesterday and one of the guides asked if i rode (as in, rode currently) and when i said i used to she was like 'i figured, i could tell from your seat' and it's not a huge deal given i rode enough in the past that it'd be surprising if i didn't stand out in a group of beginners, but also i will be riding (haha) that high for the next week

[diddlesnap]

I think there were some serious growing pains when katniss and peeta were starting to "grow close" again.

[timetohealit]

.

[outer-edges]

bruh apparently my roommate fell down the terf pipeline this summer and proudly told me she is a terf tonight. uh. babe what the fuck do you want me to do with that.

[digitaldiseas3]

extremely frustrating situation

[bsaka7]

HELLO??????