#i think this properly portrays my thoughts on the matter

[thequasarwinds]

YES I SAW THIS AND HAD TO SPEW MY THOUGHTS- I also feel this applies to Eury as well! I absolutely DESPISE how this fandom either has to blame him or Odysseus. When it’s not that black and white

To address what you said here- I think it’s a matter of different definitions! As I use sweetheart to typically describe someone who’s well- very sweet! Not soft. Odysseus is a character that knows how to do what it takes to survive (his entire arc was kind of learning that). He’s not overly soft or mushy. A Sweetheart to me is someone who would give their ENTIRE world to their loved ones. Someone who doesn’t stop giving. Someone who’s just very loving and/or caring. At least to put it as simply as I can (Sarah Heathcliff and Thatcher Davis from TMC are also both characters I’d describe as “sweethearts” but they certainly aren’t soft characters especially Sarah)

I don’t want to get into a deep dive on Odysseus- dissecting the lyrics and his character (though I definitely can- I just don’t have the time to right now).

but Odysseus is an inherently selfless and sacrificial character. As well as someone who always tried to do what was best for everyone. He was just continually cornered again and again. Forced to make a choice between bad and worse. that’s why you see me describe Odysseus (AND THIS APPLIES TO EURY AS WELL) as barely having any actual control/agency/choice throughout his odyssey

of course a cornered cat is going to swat. You cornered it! And of course that cat’s going to start biting if you go ahead and declaw it as well.

honestly Odysseus isn’t even a character I’d say I have the most experience in with analysis (that’s be my twin @seasonalmoss they’re the main Odysseus person when it comes to analyzing him and properly portraying him in our AUs) but he is a character I am VERY passionate about people getting right. (In EPIC specifically- always remember Epic is different from the odyssey)

Hit reblog if you see that Odysseus has acted as a monster, been seen as a monster, thinks of himself as a monster, but has never actually truly been a monster.

[alpaca-clouds]

BG3 fans, we gotta talk CPTSD

Okay, I have spend about a week considering writing this blog, but I really gotta say, that it is something people really need to understand. See, I mostly see this issue with Astarion and his depiction in fandom. However, I would argue that it is a thing that affects literally all characters that play some sort of bigger in this entire game. Including many NPCs.

But let me start with Astarion. See, I wrote the blog two weeks ago about people being judgy on people, who do not want to have graveyard sex with him. Mostly people will argue how Astarion should be allowed to have his agency in that moment - while I argued that whoever the player is playing should have also agency in that scene. Including the agency to say "no" for whatever reason. I also included that my Tav absolutely denied Astarion, because he was not trusting that Astarion in the scene really was ready for it, for a variety of reasons. Which is very much a valid reason for someone not to want to sleep with someone else. (Literally every reason is a good reason for that, mind you.)

And obviously there came the comment, that went basically: "As someone who was raped I am very appalled by you saying that raped people cannot consent." Which is very much not what I said.

What I said was, that my Tav did not consent. Yes, he did not consent because he thought Astarion was not ready for it - but he is the one not consenting. It does not matter for this whether his assumption about Astarion is true or not. Tav does not feel comfortable in the scene, so Tav does not want sex right there.

However... If you consider the drow orgy scene, Tav is also very much right. If you do that scene after defeating Cazador, Astarion is enthusiastically consenting to that orgy, but he still ends up dissociating during the scene. (And in that scene, even if your character notices it, you cannot go "Stop!" Which I hate.)

Here is the thing. If you are in the BDSM scene, you might actually have encountered a scenario in real life where someone was enthusiastically consenting to something - only to them realize, that they were not into it at all. And people can withdraw their consent IRL at this point. Only that in this game, obviously you can't. So within the game choices I will just start out with "no" for this character.

Still, that is actually not what I mainly wanted to talk about. No.

What I wanted to talk about is the other thing. I absolutely know that for a variety of reasons a lot of SA survivors do identify with Astarion, and I do not want to take that from anyone. I think it is amazing that we got a character with whom we see this issue portrayed seriously. And let's face it. Especially in tumblr fandom circles, we will have a lot of SA survivors, because the userbase of this website is majority afab, and many are queer. And we know from statistics that queer afab people are even more likely than non-queer afab people to experience SA at some point in there life. So, yes, Astarion is going to be embraced by this community makes sense - even without his dashing looks.

But here we get to the actual meat of the issue: Astarion was not just raped. Astarion was abused in a variety of ways - some of them sexual - over the course of 200 years. He went not through a single traumatic event, but an ongoing trauma that, again, lasted for 200 years.

Or to put different: Astarion does not have PTSD. He has C-PTSD. Complex trauma. The kind of trauma that develops when the trauma lasts over a long, long time, without the survivor getting a chance to ever really properly ever relax. Something that was very true for Astarion's time under Cazador. He was under constant threat of rape, torture, and other forms of violence.

While CPTSD is a form of PTSD, it has some differing symptoms - and additional symptoms from plain old PTSD.

I found this graphic on this blog here, and found it fairly good in the depictions. (If you google CPTSD you will find several graphics like this.) It shows very well the additional symptoms, compared to normal trauma.

Generally speaking, CPTSD brings a lot stronger issues with self-worth, interpersonal problems, and emotional regulation. CPTSD folks are often prone to emotional outbursts (this graphic names anger, but technically it can be all other kinds of emotional outbursts - which is why at times CPTSD gets confused with BPD).

And Astarion is written like this. He shows very much all the symptoms of CPTSD. And let's be honest: That is an issue he will have to deal with for a long, long while.

But... As I said, the same is actually true for pretty much all the characters.

If you look at the companions, it is obvious.

Gale spent at least a year in constant fear of blowing up. While Mystra's abusiveness towards him within the relationship prior the orb is more fanon than canon (though the relationship was defnitely not an easy one), the "one year in constant fear of death" is very likely going to instill some form of CPTSD in him.

Karlach was a slave for 10 years, forced to fight in the hells. While she will also probably suffer from certain forms of PTSD more common in soldiers. Additionally I would argue that she also has some CPTSD from tiefling-racism. While she does not bring it up often... She does seem to have a thing there.

With Wyll it is a bit more complicated. Yes, for him I would see the kind of CPTSD I have - parental abuse related. Ulder was not openly abusive, but neither was my mother, and guess what fucked me most up in my childhood, despite experiencing some really bad violence elsewhere.

Shadowheart was abused by Viconia and midwashed and tortured and was forced to kill her fucking pet mouse. Bonus points that a lot of it happened during her childhood. She very much is gonna suffer the consequences.

Lae'zel... Do I really need to say something about her upbringing among the Gith?

Then we have Halsin. We know fairly little about his background, given that he is very coy in talking about it. But his "three years as a drow slave" definitely make it likely that he has developed some form of CPTSD.

And then we have Jaheira and Minsc. For whom just the... Well, look folks, the adventuring lifestyle would logically also leave you with CPTSD of some sort.

Even if you play a Tav who entered the game after having a very untraumatic life... They will spent what has to be at least two months with a tadpole in their head threatening to kill them - while half of Baldur's Gate is trying to do the same. They'll have PTSD after this at the very least, if not CPTSD. (Even though, let's face it, chances are we all gave our Tavs more than enough background trauma to go along with it, right?)

And same goes for so many other characters. The tiefling refugees. Our main villains (especially Gortash and Orin). Cazador. The other vampire spawn (duh). The list goes on.

So, what am I trying to say here?

Well, for once I just want to make sure folks understand that CPTSD is a thing that exists and while being similar to normal PTSD differs in some points. Including the fact that people with CPTSD have a high likelihood to make very rash decisions driven by instable emotional states, that might be harmful to them on the long run.

And mind you. In real life most people with CPTSD have it because either they were bullied for a long time, or were in an abusive relationship of some sort. (Abusive parents, abusive partners, abusive friends/roommates.) But even in those heightened scenarios the game represents for the most part - the issues are gonna be still mainly the same.

[bloodashre]

Sorry to ruin the movie magic for some of you, but it's extremely unlikely that the shots of The Kiss are edited to be longer. Like, a million to one.

How do I know? I'm in school for filmmaking, so I'll share a bit with you.

1. The first reason is the most important. It is very difficult to edit a shot to be longer (and almost never done, especially by professionals) and not have it be obvious. It is painfully obvious, particularly to other filmmakers, when someone does actually do this. I can almost guarantee that if this had happened, other filmmakers in the industry most certainly would have called them out for it. I've personally watched the scene literally thousands of times (I'm not exaggerating) and in my semi-professional opinion (yes, I've already made my own films, though I haven't been paid for any of my work yet), it's not edited to be longer.

2. Nearly as important and launching off the above, it's much more likely - and more easily and actually often done - that it's edited to be shorter.

Additionally, there's no reason to think it would be edited to be longer when it comes to the story. It's unnecessary. The reason it looks so awkward to solve of you is because - newsflash - it IS awkward! It's meant to be awkward!

Aziraphale is caught off guard, during a moment of being about to break down, crying, in the midst of an argument. He was just rejected. He's potentially thought about this moment so many times. It is possible he thought The Metatron was threatening Crowley, which just happened only a few minutes ago! And lastly, there's literally thousands of years of feelings that haven't been spoken aloud - at least not properly, depending which theory you follow.

And there's even more depending which theories you subscribe to that support this even further.

And then, there's the fact that, at least for a moment, he kisses him back. He goes from being surprised, to resistance, to acceptance, to reciprocation, to rejection in a matter of less than 30 freaking seconds - while also portraying all the unspokenness, uncertainty, and fear of 6000 years, as well as a possible threat AND rejection of Crowley refusing to come with him ALL AT THE SAME TIME.

It's so awkward and complicated and terrible - and yet also wonderful - and Michael Sheen is honestly a fucking MASTER for the amount of emotions he's able to portray in such an insanely small amount of time. Please please PLEASE don't reduce his abilities and the beauty of the story to editing some bullshit that any filmmaker with any actual integrity would never do.

[ineffable-bullshit]

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

We are ineffably elated to confirm that Good Omens will return for a third season! This calls for a round of hot chocolate and sweet treats!

@neil-gaiman

[sgiandubh]

My curious and random thought: Why ask about Shat and why now? It’s ancient fandom history. Is it only because Star Trek has been an iconic IP at the comic cons, or could there be some clean up planned to close out the last 11 years. And if so what other interesting nuggets might be next.

Dear Ancient Fandom History,

What a #silly, #silly way to minimize/discount something so tragically wrong and so embarrassing to many luminaries across the street! What this sad, cheap troll did to many people is borderline mystifying, if you ignore (I said that before, I will probably say it again) that his leverage was based on the fact this was an almost exclusively feminine fandom and an ageing one, at that. It is my understanding, after reading what happened then, that nobody managed or even wanted to properly put him in his place. His empty threats (and, as a legal specialist, I know what I am saying) terrified and even traumatized many, but also served other trolls, who wanted to either portray themselves as victims, or invincible.

People who were embroiled and/or affected by this had no idea things could go that far in a fandom, an environment that seems absolutely benign (and a bit #silly, too, to be honest) to a perfect outsider. That made the shockwave even more violent .***, Shatner and the gossip press are all guilty and/or tainted by this. They tacitly tolerated, even condoned this troll's abuse of an entire fandom. Why? Because it was convenient, at the time and, on the long run, because OL's PR repeatedly proved itself to be tone-deaf and blatantly incompetent when it comes to crisis management.

Sock puppetry is a fraud (see US courts' jurisprudence, such as United States v. Drew, People v. Golb, etc). Doxing people is a crime, still insufficiently sanctioned by the US legislation (the Interstate Communications Statute and the Interstate Stalking Statute), unlike South Korea or (soon to be) Australia, just to take two random examples. The reasons why they still happen probably are public complacency and lack of proper information, spare the sketchy legislation, allowing many loops.

There were consequences to this. People were hurt, dishonored, despised and shunned. And for what? A not so uncommon love story? This is so wrong, in so many ways, I could be only glad, Anon that some light has been finally shed on this heavy, toxic garbage. Kudos to S for being brave enough to open up Pandora's box. I have to say I was surprised: makes his honesty even more valued.

Why now? Because we are slowly reaching the end, when nothing else matters, as Metallica once famously sang (still one of my favorite ballads, mind you). Will there be more interesting nuggets? Logically yes, but at this point in time, my guess is as good as anyone else's.

Not even sorry for this very long answer. I tend to get very invested in this, reminds me of a former professional life of mine. Happy days.

[Later edit]: forgot to answer your first question. If you think these discussion topics are not discussed before recording and vetted, you are naive, Anon. Very interesting, huh? There was nothing organic in that episode. Nothing.

[canthelpit0]

American

Pairing: matt x poc!reader

Wordcount: 2.2K +

Summary: reader is a third culture kid. Her parents are immigrants, and she hates it. She wants to be everything she is not.

Warnings: angst, crying, hating your own culture, racism, internalized racism, middle eastern!reader, reader discerned as average, established relationship, pet names, hurt/comfort, no use of y/n, no oc; reader described to have curly hair, brown eyes and hair.

(A/N: not me reflecting lmao. asks and req are open <3 feedback is appreciated! Ps: I am Türkisch, and this isn’t meant to be racist, it’s just thoughts about myself that I used to have portrayed by y/n. This is for awareness abt internalized racism)

I hate my culture. I hate my frizzy hair, I hate the fact that my eyes are a plain brown. I hate the fact that I’m not white. I hate that when someone asks me where I’m from and I say America, they go “no where are you actually from?”. I hate my brain. I hate the way I think. I hate the way I wish I was someone else. I hate myself, and I hate the way I hate myself.

I was never considerably pretty. Well not really. Sure the facial harmony, the potential is there. But I’m just not good enough.

I wish my hair was straight.

I hate the way I hate my own culture. I really do. But I literally can’t fit into the American beauty Standards , but I can’t fit into the middle eastern ones either.

My home country is America. I was born and raised here. But both of my parents are immigrants from turkey. -Wich means we’re not very wealthy.

I hate it when people ask me where I’m from because I look ‘exotic’.

I wouldn’t consider turkey my home country. I hate it there. And I don’t know if it’s just my internalized hatred or whatever, but I do.

Even in the country itself I’m not considered Turkish enough. In the US I’m not American enough…

I’m never enough.

Not to my parents, not to my siblings, not to my boyfriend. Not to myself. I’m not good enough.

we go to turkey for vacation every year and I’m sick of it.

I speak the language enough to communicate. I hate half the food because I’m a picky eater. It hurts even more because I’m not even considered properly Turkish.

I hate the way all my cousins, except for one, live In turkey. I hate the way they’re so close to each other. And despite being in the cousins group chat, they’ll always send in pictures of them all together. Pictures that I’ll never be in, simply because I’m halfway across the world.

Years ago, whenever we visited, it didn’t matter, the fact that I live so far away, but now they were judgy.

Besides I don’t trust anything there. Sure the stuff there is cheaper, but you could literally put me in an official Nike store and I would still tell you the shoes are fake, even tho they obviously aren’t.

I did an internship at a disposition and shipping company. I know that those shoes come from the same warehouse. I just don’t trust anything Turkish.

Growing up with so many myths that my parents taught me to live by, until I realized it’s just a bunch of bullshit, made me believe that nothing purchased in turkey is of any quality.

And it’s not even to hate on the nation or anything, it’s probably my own fault.

I hate the way all the other middle easternerns are so confident in where they’re from, flexing the fact that they naturally know more languages than Americans.

But I just wish I was one of those stupid Americans. Oblivious to the rest of the world and all the flaws in human nature. I wish I was a skinny white woman born into an upper middle class American family.

But instead I have to be what I am.

I hate it when I hear people talk in my ‘native’ language. Even tho that’s the only language we speak at home.

Sometimes I feel great knowing that I have culture and just naturally great genetics, and potential and resources to be better than those stuck in a village in my ‘home’ town.

But then it dawns on me that I’m not American, even if I was born and raised here it’s not my home country. And as much as I feel like it should be and is, it’s not.

It dawns on me that I’m not white. I’m not one of them. And I never will be.

And that makes me question why Matt is even dating me.

There is so much internal self hatred and racism going on in me, yet still he chose me over those white girls.

And I don’t get it.

Every time I look at myself in the mirror I sigh. Let’s ignore the fact that I’m not white like that and will never be. Even being middle eastern, or whatever the hell turks are considered, I don’t look like that either.

I fit literally nowhere. Sure I have dark brown hair and brown eyes, I look pretty average. But I still don’t look Turkish, I don’t have that straight hair or painfully skinny body.

I let out a heavy sigh without even noticing. These thoughts were getting loud again.

I hate how strict and conservative my parents are. I hate the painful lack of empathy they show, because I always have to be perfect, when I’m oh so confused of what type of perfect.

I don’t know if they want me to be a cheerleader and prom queen and top of my class like they never could. Or if they want me to be conservative or something.

Probably the latter, but-

“What are you thinking about?” Matt’s voice suddenly snaps me out of my daze. We literally had laid down to sleep and all I could do is pity myself.

I feel a lump in my throat and only now realize how i feel like I’m going to break into sobs.

Matt must’ve heard my uneven, shaky breaths.

Matt was spooning me, his arms wrapped around my waist, holding me close to him. He rubs my sides gently, tracing shapes on my skin.

I sigh in response. I feel like I haven’t used my voice in so long. I feel like if I speak now, I’ll break into sobs.

“Baby?” He whispers softly. I feel him pull away slightly until he turns me around to face him.

“Talk to me sweetheart.”

Matt is such a kind soul. I literally didn’t tell my parents we were dating until we were already dating for 7 months, just because I was that scared. I wasn’t allowed to date or do anything intimate. As if it wasn’t normal for a teenager to want to.

“Why do you like me Matt?” I blurt out before I can think.

“First off, I don’t like you, I love you. And second where is this coming from?” He asks sweetly his eyes having a tinge of concern to them. He looks so sweet and caring.

“Why tho?” I inquire. My voice low. I know my eyes are glassy, I’m quite literally holding back tears.

Matt licks his lips and sits up. He turns the bedside table lamp on. The dim yellow light aluminates the room slightly, just enough so that I can see his prominent features even better.

“What do you mean?” He asks again now sitting up fully. He has his legs Chris-cross, looking down at me while I still lay on my side.

I sigh trying to gather my thoughts. I purse my lips lying back on my back. I stare at the ceiling for a moment.

“Why do you love me?” I purse my lips. I blink furiously trying to hold back tears.

The way he looks at me is sweet and caring. I sit up just like him. Both of us now sitting across each other, Chris-cross.

Matt and I have been together for a long while, so he knows me. But I never openly talked about it.

“I love you because you’re kind, and caring. I love you because you could talk for hours about things you are passionate about. I love your voice, I love your face, I love the way you’re so delicate with everything. I love the way you touch me. I love you because even when we were just friends you were so kind to me and everyone around. I love you because you’re you.”

By the end of his rant I was crying. Tears streaming down my face while i try to hold in gut wrenching sobs.

Matt’s eyes soften even further. He shifts again so his back is against the head-bored. He grabs me gently and sets me down on his lap facing him.

I cry. Feeling vulnerable I burry my face in the side of his neck. I try not to sob too loud, but I can’t hold it in. With my sobs my body shakes as I try to breathe through it.

“Shh you’re okay baby.” He comforts, gently rubbing circles into my back.

I let out shaky breaths and sobs as I try to calm down. I feel like I’m overreacting. Sure I feel shitty about myself, but then again I can’t do anything to change who I am, so what’s the point in crying about it.

I don’t know for how long I cry, I just know that after a while I couldn’t anymore. I cried so much I ran out of tears.

“You want to talk about it?” Matt asks softly under his breath.

I let out a shaky sigh and shift slightly. I look him in the eyes for a second before letting my head fall forward closing my eyes. I know my eyes are probably red and puffy.

“I just..” I trail off, thinking of a way to describe this to Matt.

“I hate being an immigrant’s daughter..” I say slowly trying to figure out a way to understandably say this without sounding crazy or overly sensitive.

I feel Matt’s hand ghost over my cheek caressing my face gently. He picks up my head slowly so I’m looking at him. My eyes meet his as I try not to cry anymore.

“Talk to me, honey.” He says oh so sweetly.

“I just wish I was American.” I sob. Without even realizing tears were rolling down my face again.

Matt doesn’t say anything waiting for me to continue. He wipes away my tears gently, his eyes full of concern.

“I hate myself and everything I stand for.” I breathe out under my breath as if I’m terrified by that fact. And I am. I hate that I hate myself.

“Baby..” Matt whispers softly. He looks at me like I am everything. He looks at me like I’m the only thing that matters and me saying that I hate myself tears him apart.

“I don’t have a culture. I mean I do, but I’m a third culture kid, I’m not enough for either culture.” I sob. I can physically feel my bottom lip trembling.

“Baby, I love you for you.” Matt says again softly. He wipes away my tears.

“But I hate myself Matt. I hate the fact that I exist.” I breathe out. I close my eyes tightly, because after all, I could barely see anything through my tears anyway.

Matt, being the empath he is, was on the verge of crying too.

No American ever pronounces my name right, but the actual right way just sounds wrong at this point.

I will never find my name on those keychains. And while today, I don’t care about it, back when I was younger and everyone had those, I just couldn’t find one.

“Don’t say that” Matt breaths out. He was still actively wiping away my tears while trying not to cry himself.

“You don’t get it Matt. I’m the problem.” I breathe out harshly. “I feel like I always act like such a brat about it. But my parents had dreams too.” I breathe out.

I see a tear roll down Matt’s cheek and it feels like a slap across my face. I feel my stomach drop. I hurriedly put my hands on his face wiping away the tear while crying myself. Matt’s hands go to my waist holding me.

“Don’t say that.” He breathes out. “You’re allowed to feel things.”

Another wave of sadness washes over me. But before I can break out into sobs again he pulls me into him.

Matt cradles my head into his chest hugging me tightly. I feel safe in his arms. I know Matt loves me for me, but sometimes it still felt like a cruel joke.

Like when I was asked out in middle school as a joke. But we’ve been dating for almost a year now.

“I love your hair, I love your eyes, I love your face, I love your culture, I love your humor. I love you.” Matt assures me. He rubs my scalp gently as I continues to let out small sobs that shake my body.

“I love everything about you. I love you the way you are, and you know that.” He uses his other hand to rub my back comfortingly.

I continue to cry in his arms listening to the sweet nothings and the praises Matt whispers to me.

It hurts knowing I hurt him. And I really want to believe him, and I do. But I don’t agree.

After a while of crying I calm down again.

This is a topic I’ll never be able to talk about without crying. It’s a deep rooted pain.

Being how I am, I hate it.

After a while we move back to a laying down position. “We’ll talk about this later.” Matt assures firmly yet he was still looking at me kindly.

I simply nod. Matt turns the bedside lamp off. He pulls me closer to him. He cradles my head to his chest and I hug him back. I cling to him like my life depends on it.

I know it’s not going to be easy, but it’s exhausting to hate myself this much. I wish I didn’t. I really do.

Masterlist

A/N: All of us third culture kids have probably at some point have experienced some type of internalized racism. I wrote this in a fit of sadness after realising that my dreams are just dreams. I cried so many times while writing this. I hope you guys liked it 💕

‼️please don’t copy my work/idea‼️

Taglist: @muwapsturniolo , @sturnad , @iluvm4ttsturni0l0 , @evie-sturns , @me09love , @fratbrochrisgf , @spideylovin , @chrissgirlsstuff , @stunza , @whicked-hazlatwhore , @sturniooolos , @ecliphttlunar , @orangeypepsi , @klaus223492 , @char112244 , @sst7niolo , @slut4chriss , @mattsturniololoverr , @th3-3d3n-g4rd3n , @st7rnioioss , @t1llysblogs , @nonat-111 , @blahbel668 , @rockstarchr1s , @sturnsintrouble , @nayveetbhh , @tillies33ssss , @sturncakez , @strnilo , @somegirlfromasgard , @mattslovelygf , @sturnsmaeve , @sturnstvr , @lucianastrun , @jnkvivi , @jamiesturniolo

[silverskye13]

how did you get the confidence to write fanfiction? i always worry that i won't portray the characters properly so any ideas or wants to write fanfics that i have go away or i talk myself out of it :(

Well! First and foremost: Most people don't start writing,,,, anything with confidence. Let alone fanfic, where you know other people are going to be looking at it, with their own ideas of how the characters are supposed to act and feel influencing what they're coming to the story with. My first fanfic I was very insecure, which I feel like was evident, reading through the author's notes now. Apologies whenever something that required a lot of suspension of disbelief happened, a poll so readers could decide the ending so I wouldn't disappoint anybody, only to end in me writing and posting three different endings. Long justifications for why I chose certain things in the author's notes. The fic nowadays reads to me like a very rough apology.

"Hi I'm sorry I tried. Be kind I'm very scared."

But the thing about writing that fic was, it was the writerly equivalent of jumping into the deep end of the pool for the first time. After I bobbed back to the surface and realized a shark hadn't like, taken my legs off while I was down there, jumping in again got easier. And kept getting easier. And now I just write and post things.

There's kind of two schools of thought that I've seen people subscribe to, when it comes to taking the first leap. The one that's really popular around here on Tumblr is: Do it scared. It is simple and straightforward. You are scared. You will be scared. You probably never won't be scared. So do it scared. Write your thing, close your eyes and hit send [either to post it or to share it with one or two friends, or even just hitting the "save" button and not deleting it]. Get scared, do it, close your eyes, finish. When you open your eyes again and nothing terrible has happened, you can breathe a sigh of relief and do it scared again. It's a little nerve-wracking at first, but the idea is giving your mind the association of jumping and not falling. I did it and I didn't fail, therefore it is safe to do it again.

The other school of thought [the one I specifically subscribe to] is: Do it once. What you think or feel about it doesn't matter. What matters is you did it once. Maybe it will be hell, or it'll suck terribly. Maybe you're really excited! And it turns out great! Maybe its a wild ride of ups and downs, and by the end you need a few months to catch your breath and decide if it was worth it. Regardless: you did it once. Now you know, if you want to, you can do it again. Now you can decide if its worth doing again. For me, the euphoria of finishing a project always far outweighs the trouble getting there, so the step forward of "Do it once" is powerful for me. And that can be broken down too. "Write one chapter." "Draw one drawing." "Clean one room in the house." There is no pressure to continue if its really that terrible, but you at least get to decide if one was worth it [and a solid 9 times out of 10, one was worth it enough to do it more.]

Now, all that said, if what you're worried about is writing the characters right and nothing else -- don't worry too much. Most people care less about how true to life the characters are, and care a lot more about consistency in the story. An example from RnS: In canon, Helsknight is a cartoonish villain with one motivation, and that motivation is taking over hermitcraft Doofenschmirtz style. To date, no one has come into my inbox demanding I change him, because he's so OOC he's basically an OC at this point. What people have come into my inbox about though, is "Hey, you established X in this chapter, but he said Y in this chapter. Was there a reason for that?" which is them saying, "Why didn't you keep your character consistent?" If you tell your audience what the expectations are for the story and you stick with them, they will stop caring about OOC moments and characterizations, and will trust you're going somewhere with your writing. Suspension of disbelief, your powerful friend! They put the world on their shoulders and carry and everybody watches and claps.

If you're also worried about consistency, then start out with one shots! There's a lot less room for error, no large, sweeping character arcs to keep track of. And stringing a bunch of one-shots together can give you practice with character consistency and progression without committing to something massive and overarching. If you're truly worried about making the characters exactly like Canon [or the Canon in your head], I recommend making little lists of character traits, or important things you want to keep in mind. At that point you're scared of your own consistency, and you just need a framework to keep yourself consistent enough for yourself, if that makes sense?

Hopefully! This helps! Sorry I'm a little scattered today :'D

[i-draws-dinosaurs]

Hey so the Dinosaur Autism has reawakened and I really really want to learn properly about dinosaurs. Is there a good book that's like an intro to the field? (I'm thinking of Stuff Matters, which is a really good intro to my field of materials science. It explains really important concepts in layman's terms, and covers simple things like concrete as well as cool novel materials like aerogel. I think every field should have a Stuff Matters.)

I don't want to just google "how to learn about dinosaurs" or whatever because that will be very overwhelming, so I thought I'd ask for some good starting points

I will always give a strong recommendation to Dinosaurs: How They Lived and Evolved by Darren Naish and Paul Barrett! It's the most up to date and comprehensive popular science book about dinosaurs out there right now, and the writing level is pitched towards the scientifically-interested layperson. It also has a lot of beautiful art by a variety of palaeoartists that portray modern thoughts on dinosaur appearance! There's the original 2016 edition and a revised and updated 2018 second edition, both of which give an excellent overview of dinosaur science although obviously the 2018 edition is a bit more up to date!

Another one is The Rise and Fall of the Dinosaurs by Steve Brusatte. I haven't personally read this one, but I have read his subsequent book The Rise and Reign of the Mammals and I was very pleased with the way he introduces scientific concepts the reader may not be familiar with. He provides a great deal of information about the animals themselves, but also talks a lot about the practical science of palaeontology in the field and the lab, which is honestly something that deserves more coverage! So based on my knowledge of his other work and positive reviews I've seen for his dinosaurs volume, I think this one is also well worth a read!

If anyone else has any good recommendations feel free to drop em in the notes!

[layanomaly]

Okay- so I feel like im a bit calm (definitely real) after yesterdays finale to properly make a statement about it

And I really want to put a few of these points out there while the tags are still trending and while I still have time cuz now that AAA I finally over I really need to focus on my studies which is gonna be hard…..but yeah it is what it is

And honestly 

Look idc what anyone says anymore

Yes there were some loose ends and a whole lot of questions

And I get that a lot of people were upset…..believe me I was too and still am

But I wanna be a voice of positivity

cuz I feel like whatever plot wholes they left 

Like jac said were there for US to interpret

Or as my delusional ass is telling me maybe theyre setting up for another season???

And yes for those of you whore saying that we shouldn’t be the ones to figure theyre story out YOURE RIGHT, I AGREE WE SHOULDNT

But at the end of the day it still was a marvel show

And Whatever it was 

It was an amazing experience

Yes we had our highs and lows 

And Looking back on Agatha’s story, yes I do feel a mix of admiration and frustration. There was so much potential in exploring her relationship with Rio and the complex layers of her own journey, which felt overshadowed in the end. At times, the focus on Agatha's role as a mother felt like it could have been handled differently and Instead of fully delving into Agatha’s growth, her story was ultimately used to elevate Billy’s arc, leaving her character, her grief, and her love for Rio without the closure they deserved.

That being said 

Again while it's fair to wish for a bit more closure for characters like Agatha, Rio, Jen, and Alice,

I truly do think jac schaeffer is a genius

like for a really long time i used to think that we were reading too deep into scenes and that they arent actually that deep and we’re just being delusional

But watching, reading interviews of her 

Finding out that as a matter of fact it actually IS that deep

And that everything means something and nothing is unintensional

just hearing her talk about the characters she writes is such a fulfilling feeling you have no idea

its the way she understands those characters and portrays their trauma….She really cares for themm 

she does her research and makes sure she understand her characters and the lore

unlike *cough michael waldron cough* 

Who couldnt even be bothered enough to watch a show which was an indefinitely important arc for one of the characters he was assigned to write for a movie 

Its just-

Look all im tryna say is

Shes a master in her craft and no one does it like her 

despite everything she provided us with two of MARVELs best shows up to date and no one can tell me other wise

Cuz While the narrative pivot left parts of Agatha’s story untold, Schaeffer's dedication to character depth shows her commitment to storytelling which you can really see in the way she talks about those characters

again while I wasnt satisfied with the finale its her dedication to understanding these characters, down to the smallest detail means so much to me. 

Cuz it’s not just about the story—she collaborates with her actors to bring out the arcs they envision which makes it even more special

And It’s truly disappointing that Marvel didn’t fully capitalize on the opportunity to explore Agatha’s own arc in its entirety, especially with such a capable writer at the helm. 

Still, I’m hopeful that future stories will revisit and give the characters like Agatha and Rio the focus they deserve

And i reallyyy hope they sign jac up as a writer for future projects

Cuz ultimately, I think her approach to these characters makes her one of the standout storytellers in Marvel right now, and I’m excited to see what she does next with all the new responses from the fandom 

I hope you guys get what im trying to say

Anyways to conclude my thoughts

Whatever it was

I truly did love this show

And ill really miss coming back home on Thursdays to watch the new episodes drop

[serknighted]

Danse & Hancock's parallels are eating my sanity slowly so by God I will write them here

So. Usually incredibly shy about posting my feelings about characters and my interpretations of them, but I don't think I can sit idly by without addressing 1. how much I love this post about Danse and how his story ties back to the isolation and loneliness of autism, and 2. how much I need more content between Hancock & Danse to exist, because my god sometimes I forget they hate each other in-game. (I strongly suggest you read the post mentioned & linked, they do a fantastic job framing Danse in a way I don't think I could fully articulate)

Danse & Hancock both have stories filled with themes of intense loneliness. Despite their hard work, effort, and prowess in the things they love, it doesn't take good sight to realize that neither of them are very well liked. It's not that they aren't respected, but whether it's Danse's all-too-formal approach to speaking, or Hancock's combination of hard drug use & almost constant overbearing presence (on top of years of slander from bigger cities, but we'll get into that), people see them as a tool of success and a good asset to have around, but not much of a friend, so to speak. Especially in Hancock's case, many people he is overly-affectionate with are often more annoyed by his presence than anything else (even if they do like him).

For Hancock, despite how much he claims to not relate to the isolation of the common ghoul, he's likely over-exaggerating his charisma in an effort to make himself more easily approachable, mostly for his own peace of mind rather than for others. While he sounds quite passive about things many others would react strongly to, I feel it's a combination of him having replaced a layer of how he truly feels with an element of sass on top of the drug use that makes all the trauma more easily bearable (to mixed effect).

One of his lines that has always struck me as conflicting with how he portrays himself is a common generic line he has while traveling with Sole Survivor, praising them for "living out the day" when most others could not. Hancock has seen so many people die to the brutal hands of the Commonwealth; whether it be Vic and his boys gunning down innocent drifters, seeing people succumb to the elements, or, in this case, simply not surviving their travels with him, Hancock seems to have a track record of never properly establishing proper bonds with others before they either die, or decide he's too overbearing to deal with further. He's one of those characters who desperately wants to have a deeper connection with those he loves, but he has consistently lost the chance to do so before he was ever ready, and so he chooses to fill the void with meaningless sexual relationships and one-night stands- anything to make him temporarily forget how much he hates himself and his almost comical lack of social understanding. It's a train of thought that I, as an autistic person, can really understand and relate to-- the desire to know people, but always feeling like no matter how you portrayed yourself, no one seems to want to be around you if you don't provide them with what they desire. It's caused him to deeply undervalue both how much he's done for people (since he believes its expected of him to constantly bend over backwards for the needs of others), and himself, all at the same time.

I don't think Danse fully recognizes how lonely he feels, a lot. He's been so heavily indoctrinated by the Brotherhood of Steel into believing that this is how he should be treated, that his work is for the betterment of humanity, that his sacrifice is a necessary one. The way he speaks almost carelessly about late brothers and sisters in arms makes me think really hard about how rooted this idea of only existing for the "greater good" is. Individuality is questionable & almost taboo, being different is outright abominable. It's the reason why the rhetoric of "Us vs. Them" works-- the BoS as a collective believe that they are doing good for all of humanity, and any outlier to that "perfect" formula is a threat not only to the BoS, but to everything they know. Danse is expected to bend over backwards for people, and no longer questions his loneliness or isolation, as he has all but given up his sense of self for what he believes is right. Another thing that I and many of my autistic friends relate to; a sense of justice so strong that it's overpowering. Like us, Danse is willing to sacrifice anything to do what's right... including himself.

Knowing this, it's easy to understand why he hates Hancock, and that backwards mindset is the reason Hancock hates him. It's an especially vicious cycle that constantly feeds into itself if unchecked, and Hancock knows that he alone cannot convince Danse to break that cycle. Hancock knows he can't beat Danse in a fight; all he has are his words, and logic is useless against an enemy that heeds to no truths. Even after Danse discovers his true nature... you can't expect him to unravel the years of constant reassurance that what he was taught was right in a single night. "Rome wasn't built in a day," and no one gets over their trauma so quickly, either. It's traumatic to have an explanation as to why people hate you. A catch-all reason to people's fear and distaste to you, that is also something you can never, ever change. Danse would sooner hate himself for what he is than accept those he used to murder without a second thought. It's the difficult reality of anyone attempting to unlearn painful conservative narratives; the shame & guilt of hurting others that are more similar to you than you ever wanted to know is sometimes more painful than realizing what you really are.

Hancock, albeit not even close to "recovered" from his mental woes, is much further along the path of acceptance to Danse, but not far enough away that he wouldn't understand where Danse is coming from. For so long, he sat idly by and watched people get hurt, even during his time in Diamond City. The constant conditioning to accept other people's pain as long as it wasn't happening to you still eats at his consciousness; just like Danse, he knows it was wrong to accept it, but the guilt makes it harder to deal with. He, of all people, would understand what it feels like to try so, so hard to fit in, to be normal and accepted, but never quite hit the mark of understanding where he fits in society. That's the reason he is the way he is now; his signature, his "Hancock," is to be as loud and out-of-place as possible-- a constant rebellion against what people expect him to be, a rebellion of oppression and unfair treatment. Danse's sheer existence is an involuntary rebellion of all BoS values, and even if Hancock would be hesitant to become close to Danse for a long while, I think he would be impressed by him, in the end, and more importantly, understand where he's coming from.

Their combined interest in both protecting the people they care about as well as the collective societies those people come from, as well as how nerdy they both are about US history... I think, eventually, they will realize how similar their lives were, how similar they are to each other, and maybe even find some comfort in knowing that they aren't alone in all of the waves of shame, guilt, and loneliness. That there is an overarching group of people who understand them, and that they do have a place in this world. I think once they recognize that similar traumas can manifest in polar opposite conditions (ones that they used to have a narrow, black-and-white outlook on), they'll also find that there is no real reason to hate each other anymore; the world has told them that they must hate each other, but they no longer have any need to listen.

TL;DR autistic Danse & Hancock ftw

[imshymorph]

HI LOVE!!!! 🥺

if ur taking requests, could you pls do husband!Price with a reader who has ADHD? I myself have ADHD and am extremely forgetful, and tend to feel emotions more intensely than others, which means I cry a lot and get told I’m over sensitive haha 🥺❤️❤️😭

Hi darling! My requests are open, I'm just loaded up with uni work. So sorry it took over a week for me to answer. (But if you don’t mind the wait, 100% send in requests!!). I hope I portrayed it properly, I kind of fall in the adhd spectrum myself but it can really vary from one person to another, so I hope it's relatable!

Anyway, here’s some soft!Price with ADHD!reader

I think he’d notice pretty early on, maybe not specifically labelling it as ADHD, but he’d pick up on the forgetfulness and how quick it could change to a hyperfixation. I think he’s observant enough that he’d kind of be able to pinpoint the moment in your thought process where you jump from the thing you just said you were going to do to whatever other task popped in your mind that pulls you away from it.- - - - -

He would grow used to it pretty quickly, used to sharing space with all kinds of people at base and adapting himself to better work with them. I also lowkey headcanon that Soap has ADHD so he’d already have an idea on how to work around it and some strategies in place to help you with it. 

Although I think his main worry would be supporting you with the emotional side that comes with it. He’d be there for you at any time. It doesn’t matter what it is, he’ll dry your tears and talk with you about it. If you don’t want to talk or maybe it’s one of those days where you don’t even know why you’re crying, then he’ll just hold you close for a bit and help you get distracted when you feel better. 

I think that even if he doesn’t fully understand it, he can get a grasp on how overwhelming it can get. He’d notice when you’re starting to get frustrated, when your brain just can’t find something that releases enough oxytocin to keep you entertained for long enough. He’d swipe in then, bringing up one of your special interests or one of the hobbies you gave up on a few months back, to see if it sparks some joy again. If it doesn’t he’ll find something new that you both can try together or somewhere to go and explore. 

And don’t  you dare apologise for any of it, he’d give you a full on scolding on how it’s not something to apologise for. (That’s who you are and who he loves, darling). He doesn’t care that you forgot to close the kitchen cupboard for the fifth time this week, nor that the clean dishes still sit on the dishwasher, nor the pile of folded clothes that still sit on top of the dresser. He’s happy to have you with him, to share space with you and he’d take a messy living room and arrive late to your reservations on date night every single time if it means he’s with you. 

Also, he’d absolutely change things around the house and in his schedule if it means it makes things easier for you. He’ll change the organisation in all drawers and cupboards that need it so it’ll be easier for you to remember to put everything in its place. He’ll sit with you while you do work or chores, having casual conversation to keep you entertained and focused while you finish. Will sit there for hours if he has to, listening to you infodump about whatever thing your brain has last fixated on. And hold you for as long as you need when your emotions get too much and make you cry, one warm hand on your hip to hold you close while the other rubs your back. 

And relating to the crying. Poor soul, the one who dares to call you oversensitive in his presence. He’d absolutely rip them a new one, ready to start a physical fight if it is necessary because (how dare you judge his love for something out of their control). As soon as he’s satisfied with the scolding the other person got, his full attention is back on you. 

He’d pull you close, cup your cheeks and gently dry your tears with his thumbs. A small smile appearing on his lips, “don’t listen to them, love. You’re perfect just like this.” He presses a kiss to your forehead and lightly pinches your cheeks to get a smile from you. “Come on, let’s go home so you can tell me more about those books you have been reading.”

And the way your small pout and teary eyes change to a smile makes his heart soar. He throws an arm over your shoulders and holds you close as the both of you walk home, happily listening about the character arch of one of the main characters you tell him about. He’s already planning on wrapping you up on your favourite blanket on the couch while he gets ready some of your comfort food, how you’ll eat it together while you cuddle and watch one of your favourite shows or movies. 

[hobiebrownismygod]

Let's talk about Desi representation again!!

I don't talk about this stuff often but when I do, I have some strong ass opinions

and yes I'm gonna be talking about none other than Pavitr Prabhakar at the end cuz he's just special to me &lt;3

Hollywood is lagging behind on Desi representation

You'd think one of the biggest film industries in the world would be able to represent us properly, considering the fact that we make up the largest group of South-Asian Americans and the second largest group of Asian-Americans in the US, but instead-

Western Television forces Indians to conform to harmful stereotypes

Some of the most popular Desi characters on screen are Raj Koothrappali from the Big Bang Theory, Devi Vishwakumar from Never Have I Ever and Kelly Kapoor from the Office.

Indian men are almost always portrayed as robotics engineers and computer whizzes, but with terrible social intellect, making them seem like awkward nerds.

Indian women are almost always portrayed as "whitewashed", or wanting to appear more western, with zero understanding of their own culture or language along with an unrelenting need for attention from white friends/colleagues.

These are both based on stereotypes that Indian culture is "toxic" and "too traditional" and that Indians are only interested in studies.

Most Desi characters in western media have stories that are solely based around their ethnicity and/or racial stereotypes.

British television actually showcases a lot more representation than Hollywood does

I was watching Polite Society, a movie starring two Pakistani characters as the main leads, and there was a dance scene where both the leads are wearing traditional desi attire. My mom turned over, looked at me, and asked, "Is this Hollywood? It can't be."

And she was right. It's a British movie with British-Pakistani actors.

The reason she didn't believe that it could've been Hollywood was because the dresses the two leads were wearing were traditional and beautiful and the song playing in the background was authentic Hindi music, not some random westernized DJ version of it.

A Hollywood movie would've never dressed up their Desi actors in actually flattering attire (*cough cough the Patel twins from Harry Potter) or have used real, popular Desi music in the background.

You see my point?

It is so uncommon to see well-thought-out Desi representation in TV nowadays, where to see real diversity we have to watch movies made by the same country that colonized us.

Ironic.

British movies/shows with desi leads have far better South Asian representation than anything I've seen in Hollywood recently.

The Hollywood movies starring Indian leads, like Slumdog Millionaire or Bend it like Beckham were filmed in the UK, and because they were filmed in the UK, they had fantastic South Asian representation.

Not only does Hollywood refuse to create shows and movies about real problems that South Asians face, but they also don't cast South Asian actors in good roles.

When's the last time you saw a South Asian actor playing a character that wasn't a walking stereotype? When's the last time you saw a South Asian actor playing a character that was a genuine part of the story rather than just comedic relief or a random smart kid in the classroom?

Not often, right?

Me, personally, I didn't grow up with a lot of South Asian characters or actors in shows/movies that I watched. In fact, every time someone even close to my skin color showed up on TV, I was on the edge of my seat because it was just so rare to see it.

This is why representation matters.

You've heard about all the young girls with braids being so excited when the new little mermaid with Halle Bailey came out. Well, us desi kids wanted that too.

I wanted to see a Telugu speaking girl with wavy hair and dark skin who would wear traditional clothing to Desi get-togethers and parties, go to the temple with her family, eat vegetarian Indian meals, etc...

I wanted to see a character who was a representation of me and my experiences as an Indian-American. I wanted to see a character that was at least a representation of Indians or just South Asians in general.

Instead, we were given characters that ridiculed their own culture, were extreme stereotypes and furthered the existence of casual racism in western society today. So many Desi kids experience small acts of racism on a daily basis because people have been so desensitized to the existence of these stereotypes.

Telling South Asians that their culture is a joke and feeding non-asian children media which pokes fun at other cultures is harmful, not only to us South Asians but also communities that could end up being targeted next.

Pavitr Prabhakar; Representation Matters

If you've been following me or if we're mutuals, you probably know I have a tiny obsession with Pavitr Prabhakar. But why?

Because of all the reasons I just listed.

There are few South Asian characters us Desis can look up to these days, and Pavitr Prabhakar is one of the maybe two or three characters who have great writing, magnificent representation, and overall a fun vibe.

He's likable, funny, smart and best of all, unapologetically Desi.

He's just like all the other side characters, with a little bit of his own culture mixed in. He's not being shoved down our throats to further an agenda about fake diversity, he's not a walking stereotype and best of all, he was designed by Indian creators.

He's refreshing and exciting to follow in a world full of a demand for half-hearted representations and the people who created him were obviously putting their hearts and souls into it.

He's awoken a love for Indian culture amongst, not only Desi children themselves but also among westerners who, prior to this, had thought of India as a "3rd world" country, because that's the agenda that Hollywood pushes onto many South Asian countries today.

WE LOVE PAVITR PRABHAKAR!!

This was kinda all over the place but I just had to get this off my chest &lt;3

Sources:

https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/2021/06/10/discrimination-against-indian-americans-happens-more-than-you-might-think/

[comet-soda-lite]

Final actual thoughts on the Agatha All Along finale:

Good:

- Everything with Nicky. That flashback was really well done and the climatic building song at the end was just fantastic

- I had heard the "Billy is making the road" theory and am well aware it would make perfect sense with his character, but I never actually seriously believed it for some reason until the twist was happening and I was like "wait" lmao. So yeah, that was good and it fit a lot of things into place about Agatha's behaviour I should've honestly put together way sooner

- "Am I killing this boy so my brother can live!?" "Oh Billy, sometimes boys just die" bitch, I'm sobbing

Bad (personal opinion alert!!!!)

- Why is Agatha Billy's ghost sidekick now? Did they just wanna get rid of the threat she posed but keep Kathryn Hahn around?

- The emotional core of the show is the coven and their ties to each other, Rio included. This leads into a couple points:

1) I feel Rio could've been a bit softer to Alice. Even if she started off the interaction as cold, she could've had some warmness for her for even just a moment. More "like greeting an old friend" death than "cold unforgiving cruelty" death. Though Alice's death was supposed to represent the latter, so it works I guess (I am just in denial)

2) Agatha not caring about the rest of the coven members other than Billy right up to the end kind of breaks the illusion that the coven ever formed any real familial bond at all, which shits on the weight of Alice's and Lillia's deaths (and Lillia's whole arc), since they were about sacrificing themselves for the others. The road being a fabrication by Billy just made this feeling worse

- Rio and Agatha should've had some resolution, like??? The tension, as it's introduced to us, is that they both still love each other and are even good for each other. Rio had to fulfill her purpose even though she didn't want to, knowing she'd hurt Agatha. And Agatha hates her for it, despite knowing Rio had no say in the matter and even did her a great kindness letting Nicky stay for as long as he did. They have no reason to hate each other logically, only emotionally. Agatha was seemingly set up from the start to have to work through that grief, by the end of which the two could reconcile, and at that point Agatha could go to death willingly or whatever. But the show ended up not exploring this at all, portraying Rio as a kind of toxic ex out of nowhere in ep. 8, and Agatha's eventual kiss with Rio and subsequent death was fueled by an ultimatum rather than a fully free and intentional choice. And then Agatha dies and Rio doesn't even get to talk to her properly now that the tension is (maybe???) resolved (or maybe not considering it seems like ghost Agatha is still avoiding Rio). This was not a great character arc. And I can't help but feel a proper resolution wasn't reached—not because it was the best writing decision—but because she has to stick around as a ghost for a future show/movie and needs something to do

- Not enough Jen.

Neutral (aka Misc. Thoughts)

- I guess this kinda confirms Billy is both Billy and William? Like, I think it's sorta maybe implied Rio can't reap William's soul while Billy is in there, so he's sorta preventing both of them from dying? Or not? Idk?

-[If not, recall that Billy is technically only three years old in MCU canon, which is very weird]

- Episode 7 still the best episode, fight me

[motherstone]

Sitting

Idk, I kinda just decided to challenge myself to portray a character's personality w the way they sit... And tbh I don't think I 100% captured it, w Riva and most esp Aly. Which I guess makes sense, bc they're the characters that I'm still trying to figure out on revising and their personality/story would go (the revision that I'm trying to do in my had anyway). Some of the poses are referenced from wha and dungeon meshi.

Some notes:

Riva's and Aly's designs here aren't final, esp Aly's. I think I almost got what Riva's design would be, she's like 80% finalized as a lot of the elements I wanted to portray her with made it, my only issue is that she looks way too much like the FMC in Tellurion (go read it btw it's great). I dislike how the boots look, could look way more 'military/rich' but alas what mattered to me at that time was "finished" not perfect, and I could always change it later.

Decided to end Riva's braids w sharp bits bc I recall there's a game character that had that same design, but for the life of me cannot recall where. I considered making her raincoat yellow, bc it's her most recognizable feature in her introduction and makes sense for the rain, but it doesn't look very "alchemist". I also wanted to make her a pixie cut, but I haven't laid out her story to the audience yet. Maybe later.

Aly, I'm deeply dissatisfied with. I honestly can't think up of clothing that looks like she would wear but also tell a story that's in line with the worldbuilding I made so rn I just improvised. The idea is that she looks like a pilot foremost, her outfit largely based on what she wore in book 7. And of course, sharing the same boots as Riva. But she doesn't look very "Cielan" aside from it.

Honestly, I initially thought planned to make Navin pose more childishly, but I realized that I also wanted to portray a somber side to him that doesn't get much exploring about, so we get that.

And er. Sorry for being quiet. Lots of bad stuff happening (not personally, but in general w the world) and I honestly didn't know how to deal with it properly. I honestly didn't think it was appropriate to make stuff esp during dark times, but there's only so much insanity I could take so I had to pick up a pen again.

[devourers-of-god]

Hiii! Could you do a Sal x reader who has sensor issues and anxiety? Like they get really panicked when things get to loud or theres to many people and over thinks alot? If not thats fine to :))

TYYQKDBBS

HII!! Of course :) I will try my best to portray what you are asking me! If i wrote something not accurate, feel free to correct me<3 im doing a kinda one shot for this one, WITH hcs at the end.

SAL X READER WITH SENSORY ISSUES & ANXIETY

Warnings: nothing srs but you guys aren’t dating in this mwehehe

Type: one shot AND hcs

JUST FRIENDS? Sal x reader one shot

School was hard for everyone, especially for you. You’ve been struggling with sensory issues your whole life, being at school was already enough of a sensory overload for you and your anxiety did not help either. Sal and you had been friends since he moved to Nockfell, he knew you like the back of his hand and was very aware of the challenges you faced everyday. He always took the time to remind you to take your medication, even bringing your pills to school when he knew you would forget. You guys were always close to eachother, basically stuck like glue. Explained by « we’re just friends ».

You had a tendency to overthink a lot about basically anything in your life, but Sal was always patient with you, reminding you that you matter and that he’s always there to help you in moments of crisis. Sadly that day happened when Sal and you were hanging out in the city, it was very crowded, more than usual. You’re normally used to going in the city but the hot, too hot, temperature didn’t help your sensory issues. Neither did the sweat, people’s loud conversations, sounds of cars passing by, birds singing, people laughing. Everything started to feel like a bad memory, you unconsciously held Sal’s hand. Your breathing accelerated gravely, just like your heart rate. Sal looked at his hand, fingers locked with yours, then slowly looked up at you. He immediately knew something was wrong. Sal decided to pull you aside from the crowd to make you feel better.

« what’s going on y/n? » he said, holding eye contact and both of your hands now. You broke eye contact while trying to gather your thoughts to be able to answer him.

« I- I’m » you took a deep breath

« Shh y/n, I’m here for you okay? Take your time » Sal said, smiling softly under his mask.

« Too many people and- and it’s really hot.. I think I’m having a sensory overload- I’m sorry » Tears flood your eyes slowly. Sal squeezed your hands a bit harder to remind you he’s there.

«  There’s no need to apologize, I know this is hard for you, let’s just breathe in and out together okay? Slowly. » You nodded, happy with how good he is at handling things like that. He scooted over to you, showing you how to breathe properly, still holding your hands. While having your hands together he brushed his thumb across yours slowly. You felt your face heating up. Being this close to him made you forget everything. There was so much pain in this world but not in here. After a comfortable silence, you finally spoke up.

« Thank you Sal… you always know how to make me feel better » you smiled softly, resting your head on his shoulder. Sitting there with the blue haired boy made you feel a pleasing sensation in your body. Sal felt joyous to hear that he helped you just now. He felt his face heat up when you rested your hand on him.

« I don’t want to leave this moment.. I don’t want this to be a memory y/n.. » he whispered softly, just enough so you can’t tell what he said clearly.

You looked up to him with a confused expression « What’d you say Sal? »

He sighed quietly « Nothing! » he let out a nervous chuckle « let’s go to my place instead yeah? » You smiled wildly.

« I would love that, we need to finish the movie anyway right ? » Sal nodded happily as you two got up, still not letting go of your hand. You were now walking like you’ve been going out for years already, like it was normal. You only noticed when arrived to his apartment.

After this, Sal and you had a great rest of the day.

SAL X READER WITH SENSORY ISSUES/ ANXIETY HCS !!! DATING !!!

- he always knows when something is wrong, he takes the time to help you and make you feel loved.

- even though you think what you’re overthinking about is stupid, Sal reassures you and stay close to you until you feel better.

- like I wrote earlier, you’re always at his place and sometimes forget to pick up your medication, so he brings it to you wherever you are. He knows days are worse when you’re not on it.

- because of his ability to be an amazing boyfriend, it’s rare you actually overthink lots about your relationship with him. But when it happens, you better know he’s at your front door with blankets, snacks, dvds and good video games to comfort and make you feel relaxed all night.

Okep guys !! I hope you enjoyed this hahaha I think it’s the first time I’ve done a one shot.. critics are always welcome !!

PMS: open

REQUESTS: ALWAYS OPEN!!

[ryuichirou]

AzuIde Marriage AU replies

A couple of replies related to the comic we posted yesterday + a reply for a pretty old ask from back when we posted the comic on Ko-Fi! Since the comic is finally edited properly and posted here, I can actually write a proper reply.

Thank you for your patience, and thanks to everyone for your interest!

Anonymous asked:

Can I just say how much I adore your design for adult azul? It just hits all the marks, the round glasses with chain? Yes! White suit? Yes! Hairstyle? fucking yes!

Thank you so much, Anon!!

Round glasses work super well with Azul’s face, he looks like even more of a villain somehow lol So I love making him wear those. And I am such a sucker for horrible people wearing white suits (it’s like a trauma from my Yami no Matsuei days). I am very happy you like this design for Azul!

In-universe though, I think Azul is very careful with what he wears and how he accessorses himself, so every one of his decisions is very intentional.

Anonymous asked:

Is Azul still going to be mad at Idia when they get home? Will he dole out punishment?

Partially replied here, as well as gave some more explanation about what actually happened (there isn’t much though because the story is very vague), and I’ll repost that explanation just in case! <3

Here is what I can say for certain: after being separated from Idia for quite a long time, Azul is going to kind of take care of him, as in “it’s okay, you’ve suffered enough” kind of way; but Idia is smart enough to know that this is just Azul trying to make Idia rely on him again, so he could shut the cage door and trap him once and for all. Azul is also very good at victimblaming, manipulating and gaslighting + has will-power that Idia doesn’t always have, so even if Idia knows that Azul’s kindness isn’t genuine (Azul never forgets those who betray him), he is powerless to change anything at this point. He just wants him and Ortho to be safe, and Ortho wants it too. So even though Ortho technically could blast Azul and the Tweels’ asses, Azul is perfectly aware of this risk, so he uses a different approach on Ortho. After all, Ortho is a smart boy + he and Azul have the same goal: they want Idia to be happy, right? It’s easier to do it while working together instead of fighting!

Anyways, Azul scary and powerful, and at this point in the story he has a lot of useful connections including STYX and probably even Idia’s parents. A lot more strings to manipulate the events in a way that would portray him as a forgiving and loving saint, but still ensure that Idia never leaves him again.

And after this position is secured, then he might start punishing Idia. But in a way that is very subtle to everyone around them, but painfully obvious for Idia.

So a TL;DR answer would be: yes, Azul is still mad, but he won’t punish him right away. He’ll act like a sweet and caring husband for a while (Idia won’t buy that bs), and when he gets tired of that act, he’ll start punishing Idia in a sneaky way.

As for what kind of punishment it would be…

Anonymous asked:

I remember the general punishments Azul would dish out to Idia from the original dark headcanons post but in a recent post, you said that when Azul punishes Idia in this case it would be in a way that no one would notice. Do you have any headcanons about these punishments? 😀

(Once again, sorry for the wait, Anon!)

I do have some thoughts! But when it comes to these kinds of scenario, it’s a bit difficult to come up with headcanons because I feel like no matter what I come up with, Azul would’ve came up with something more cunning, more sinister, more subtle and more cruel. So take whatever I’m about to write and keep in mind that it could be x3 times worse lol Azul is very bad when he feels rejected.

Azul would control the entire narrative of what has happened between them. He would play his cards in a way that would make everyone believe that Idia left him seemingly out of nowhere, and that this is just Idia causing trouble due to being bad at interacting with people. He will even manage to fool S.T.Y.X. people and their ex-classmates into thinking that yeah, Azul is notoriously pretty sleazy and cunning, but he seems to be genuinely in love with Idia: ever since that accident he’s been all over him, protecting him, taking care of him, even skipping work (!!!) to be with him. “Maybe even Azul has a heart, who would’ve thought”, “I guess it really was Idia’s mess-up…”, “He is such a good husband, Idia needs to appreciate him more”…

At the same time, Azul would defend Idia in front of all these people whenever someone would even hint at Idia hurting Azul’s feelings. He would insist that Idia is completely forgiven, and that it would be incredibly petty to worry about this little thing when he almost lost him. Azul might even say that the Universe has given them a second chance, and that this time Azul will make everything right just so Idia doesn’t feel the need to run from him anymore. What an angel you are, Azul Ashengrotto! Idia would feel like he is losing his mind hearing these conversations. It would be overwhelming and so horribly isolating, he’d feel like he can’t talk to anyone about anything anymore. His social anxiety would actually become way worse.

And yet, Azul would force him to come out more often. Together, of course. He would walk with him (Idia wouldn’t be able to walk properly by himself for a couple of months during his recovery), bring him to events (“You are probably very bored and lonely, let’s visit our friends at [company name], shall we?”). Not only it would make Idia see a huge swarm of people discussing his every move, he would constantly feel eyes on him because Azul would become more clingy in public. He would constantly hold his hand and kiss it, kiss his face and lips, bring him closer while hugging his shoulders, etc. PDA was never Azul’s style, but now it feels like he is showcasing their love to everyone and cementing their status as a hopeful young couple that is together against all odds. This would make all the social pressure on Idia absolutely unbearable. It feels like a walk of shame…

It’s not like the situation at home would be any better, mind you. Azul being sweet with Idia would make him feel even more anxious because it’s one thing to act all nice in front of people to save face, but when they’re all alone, it feels like Azul is preparing something, something big and horrible, and Idia would feel this anticipation so vividly every second around him. Azul would just smile and say that Idia is being paranoid and overly suspicious of him, and that it’s actually very hurtful. Azul would barely hide his smile because he hasn’t done anything yet, and Idia already looks like a caged animal with fear in his eyes. He wants him to marinate in this fear more, even if it breaks his psyche completely.

Azul would start gaslighting Idia into thinking that his health is declining, both mental and physical. He would act very protective and caring, he’ll even manage to make Idia believe that he is genuinely scared for his well-being at some point. The amount of unnecessary potions and drugs he would make Idia consume both sneakily and openly is insane. He might even do that toxic husband thing and pay a therapist to make them tell him everything Idia was talking about to them during the session… if he managed to make Ortho make Idia go to the therapist, that is (no way he’d manage to make Idia go himself).  

He would guilt-trip Idia a lot. Even though Idia doesn’t love him, Azul would still manage to make him feel bad for leaving Azul like this. Even if Idia knows that Azul is playing games with him, he would feel guilty all the time, but this isn’t even the worst thing. What is much worse is that sometimes Azul just sighs and goes “I didn’t want it to bring this up because I know how bad it is for you, but…” and drops the bomb about Idia putting Ortho in danger again. Blaming Idia for harming Ortho (intentionally being vague, knowing that it would reopen old wounds) is another thing that Azul would never usually do, but right now he’s spiteful, angry and genuinely wants to hurt Idia as much as he can. Even if Idia doesn’t care about Azul and wants to run away again, would it really be the best move for Ortho? He barely survived the accident, after all.

Idia isn’t the only person Azul would guilt-trip. He would also guilt-trip Ortho who feels very responsible for everything that’s happened to Idia. He would’ve easily sensed that Azul is lying, but it seems that even a machine could be messed with if the most important person in its life is hurt. Like I mentioned in another reply, Azul would make Ortho feel like they want the same thing and should work together. Of course Ortho would feel like he is betraying Idia in a way, but he would still cooperate because of his guilt + feeling that giving Azul full access to everything that Idia does online would make Idia more safe and happier somehow.