#i think this moment actually broke my brain | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

grriki · 8 months ago

Text

This made permanent changes to my brain

not you / nishimura riki

synopsis: out of all the people that could've hurt me, i didn't expect one of them to be you.

warnings: angst and angst and more angst, heartbreaks, toxic behavior, mixed signals, cheating, lmk if i missed anything else.

pairing: riki x reader, takes place in college

wc: 14.7k

With your phone alarm going off, you come out of the bathroom, ready and prepared for the day ahead of you. Numbers on the clock tell you that you have enough time to eat breakfast, brush your teeth then head to your first class of the day. When we say breakfast, we mean coffee and maybe toast bread (if you're lucky) because that's the kind of luxury living in a dorm gets you. Roommates aren't always the best thing ever but lucky you, you did not get the shorter end of the stick. Because of Bahiyyih, she was a year above you but that did not matter since you two seem like long lost sisters. She's definitely one of the reasons why you are currently mentally sane.

Unfortunately, she'll also be the reason why you meet the one that will make your college life a living hell and test that sanity of yours. Being close to her means you come along to her brothers' dancing competitions, being at those competitions also means you meeting Nishimura Riki...

Here's the thing, there was nothing wrong with Riki, when you first met the rest of Huening Kai's dance group members; Riki was the most kind and most welcoming. He was someone who you clicked with so easily, someone who presented himself as if he was so trustworthy... emphasis on 'was'. Because right now, the man standing in front of you is reminding you what 'hindsight' is.

It started during your freshman year, after gaining a solid friendship with Bahiyyih; she wanted to bring you to one of her brother's performances for the school's event. You never minded going to them because you enjoyed musical art in your own time as well. When you went to see these events, you only ever looked at the group as a whole, judging their skills and expertise. That was until you went backstage to see Huening Kai. His group just won first place and you went over with Bahiyyih to congratulate them.

That's when your life was going to start shifting because when you knocked on the door, Riki opened the door with a warm smile, and gestured you guys to enter. "Hiyyih, nice to see you again" he says in a sarcastic tone, showing the close-ness he has with Bahiyyih as well.

"Oh Riki, I love seeing you around" Hiyyih responds back with the same kind of sarcasm. "This is yn, be nice". You looked up at him, and geez did that feel like an effort to do since he was 6ft tall, maybe even more than that. He smiles shyly as he notices how cute your height difference was. "Wow, look at Riki boy being all shy, that's new". one of the other guys say, which you later find out it was a senior named Heeseung.

"Leave him alone guys before he becomes beet red" Huening Kai walks in and greets you after. You look back at Riki who was still opening the door, standing in the same spot. "You okay there, bud?" Kai nudges him; getting him out of his trance. "What? Love at first sight?"

There you have it, your little meet-cute with Riki, it is also the day that marks the teasing shipping by everyone that knew you two. But that did not stop Riki from sticking around, it's like the teasing only egged him on to bother you as well. Since that day, nothing could have prepared you for the antics and shenanigans Riki would add into your life. But you weren't complaining.

"What's going on with you and Riki?"

"Are you two dating?"

"Do you like him?"

You felt like you were being interrogated by your friends at the lunch table. Since they saw that Riki treated you for boba tea and cake, also they noticed how he would constantly do romantic things for you, which you had to try your best to explain how you were friends and that he was just a natural gentleman.

"Yeah, cause any guy would go out of their way to get you things in the middle of the night, offer to run errands for you, and buy you flowers just because...why not?" At this point, your friends were setting you up for failure since they were not letting you rebuttal and debunk their theories.

"Guys, I swear...we are just friends." shoving another spoonful in your mouth and rolling your eyes at your friends. Look, you had no issue with the constant teasing and shipping but sometimes they can push it.

"Oh yeah, then why is he coming over with a bag of goodies like he knows you're on your period today?" turning around, and yes, he was coming over to your table with a black plastic bag filled with necessities. "Hey yn, I picked up some stuff when I went to the convenience with the boys." He hands over the bag and you take it with a smile. "Wait, why did you-"

"I just took notice to your cycle-" Riki stops himself when he realized how shocked you looked and maybe started thinking that he was a psycho. "Oh- OH wait...did that sound weird...I'm sorry." soon after, you had to assure him that it was okay and that you never expected it.

After he leaves, you sit back down and face your friends who had a certain look and smile on their faces. Some of them raising their eyebrows at you, like they want to say "just friends, huh?"

"Don't even start" warning them but the look still remains on their face. Again, rolling your eyes and focusing back to eating lunch before you had to drag your feet to your next class.

Guess what? you have that next dreaded class with him.

Later, you're in your usual seat, re reading the notes in case the professor wants to suddenly have a pop quiz. So focused that you do not realize that he already sat next to you. "Do we have an exam that I don't know about?" eyes leaving the notebook to look at him, one bicep on the table, head held by his palm. He's rocking the same hip hop fit and classic smirk.

"Why do you have to stress yourself out like this, relax yn" taking the book out of your hands and closing it. Before you could say anything, he places it on his desk and looks back at you. "There's no pop quiz or exam, the professor isn't even coming to class."

"What if there's a substitute and they give us a task?" chuckling, he looks at the wall clock and gives you an ultimatum. "In the next 20 minutes, if no one shows up, let's get out of here and just hang?" This was nothing new, Riki has always proposed this idea to you but never got to happen. So, you always just say yes.

Usually after he would give the ultimatum, the professor or the sub with walk in. To which you see the disappointment in his eyes as he slumps in his chair, along with a "I hate this class".

But this time, it has passed 15 minutes and no one else but your classmates have entered the room. For those 15 minutes, Riki has been mentally planning on what he's going to do or where he's going to take you if you both do end up leaving. Why was he even nervous, he's been out with you, multiple times...but in groups.

Another 5 minutes goes by and before Riki could bask in his victory, someone from the faculty comes in. You smirk and rub his back jokingly. He looks back at you and sends you a death glare. "You hate me that much? You can't even spend an hour and a half alone with me?" As he starts pouting, the professor speaks up.

"Your professor won't be able to make it in today, he also did not leave any task or assignment, so you are free to go." now the reactions are switched, your smirk fading and Riki's pout turning into a smile.

Now, you find yourself in the newly opened cafe in the campus. With a very happy Riki. "Now that I think about it, you're stuck with me for 4 years, and maybe even beyond that. You know...after graduation." He sips on his coffee and whips out his phone. "What if I move schools?"

"Then I'll just have to follow you there." Taking a picture of the food and while you were looking out the window, he snaps a quick picture. "You look pretty, yn." its times like this where you start to question if your friends were right and maybe Riki has feelings for you, but you think back to his interactions with other females; he pretty much acts the same towards them...but does he call other girl pretty and take them out to more than just friendly dates?

"Riki, can I ask you something?" You couldn't let this live on anymore, you had to get a straight answer from him, getting the answer to this 'what are we' situation you both were in.

"Sure, anything."

"Even if it might change our friendship?" He pauses but bounces back quickly and proceeds to shrug. "It can't be that bad, shoot"

"Do you perhaps...like me? romantically?" Looking straight at him. "I just...I'm getting mixed signals from you and I-"

"I do"

"What?"

"I really do"

From that moment on, your freshman year was occasionally filled with Nishimura Riki.

In the beginning, everything was molded perfectly into your life, nothing seemed to overlap, had a handful academic stress but had resilience. Riki was the addition that you loved. In the beginning.

The first official date happened a week after that talk, Riki decided to go to your dorm room, which was extremely restricted to males, but somehow, he slipped through the wire and convinced you to go on a spontaneous date. He took you to a park and you two had a picnic and played soccer together. It was a fun time, getting to know Riki and him getting to know you on a different level and for a different reason.

The first kiss was when you were at a little group hang out, Riki and his friends separated from you and the others, only to come back with funny disguises; embarrassing you guys by dancing and singing loudly in the middle of the mall and only promising to stop if you kissed his cheek. Which you were going to do but he moved his face so you could kiss his lips.

The first 'I love you' was when it was spring break for freshman year when Riki had to go back to his hometown to visit his family. When you two were saying your goodbyes, you said the three little words.

As the sun dipped low on the horizon, casting a warm glow over the campus, you and Riki found yourselves standing beneath a blossoming cherry blossom tree. It was the last day before spring break, and Riki's hometown beckoned him back to his family.

Finally, with a soft sigh, you looked up at him, your gaze filled with affection and vulnerability. "I love you," you whispered, the words hanging in the air between you like delicate petals.

Riki's heart skipped a beat as he processed your confession, a rush of warmth flooding his chest. He felt a lump form in his throat, overwhelmed by the intensity of his emotions. "I love you too," he murmured, his voice barely above a whisper but filled with sincerity.

A little fast forward to second year, you were now both sophomores; still going strong as a couple. It been roughly 8 months since you two got together in February, during your freshman year. Now we stand in September, the very first day of your sophomore year. First day was always nerve wracking for you, no matter what because you have too much to look forward to but also so many things to worry about.

But still, your main focus and priority was still to be on the grind, work your butt off to get high grades, do extra-curricular activities, but still making times for friends and loved ones.

And that's what you made sure to do, months passed, and you were one of the few students who were on the top of their classes but still manage to have their own private life, to others; you make it look so easy.

"Got time for your boyfriend, or no?" Putting down your book and then sitting down next to you, Riki had a pout on his face, giving you puppy eyes. "You seem to like this book more than me these days" continuing to sulk until you give in and give him attention for the rest of the day.

"I just have an exam coming up, that's all." You try to reason but nothing ever seems to work for Riki, "I still reach out and keep you updated though" unfazed, he simple places his face to rest on his palm, still facing you with the same pout and puppy eyes. Sighing, putting down your reviewers and pens, asking him what he wants.

"I'm not taking you completely away from your study time, I know how important this is to you but take a break, let's go out and get some snacks, then we can come back here and I can study with you?"

Now you knew your boyfriend, and this man does not study. But somehow, still gets decent grades, far from a failing one. "You? studying, that's funny."

"Hey, I'm turning a new leaf, I want to match my smarty pants of a girlfriend." Rolling your eyes as you pack your things. After zipping up your bag, Riki goes to carry your bag for you, along with his.

You really felt like Riki was meant to be in your life and you were meant to be in his. The two of you just seemed too perfect for one another, as said by many people in your life. The support, love, and genuine care you have for one another was something you rarely see in college couples. Others tried to find a flaw in you two but somehow, nothing seemed to come to the light. Sure, there were small arguments here and there but even for your first big fight, you both never screamed nor yelled at ech other to get your point across. It was all clear and patient communication to fix whatever caused the problem. It was never you vs him, it was always you two vs the problem.

"Seriously, have you ever seen a more inseparable pair? They're like two peas in a pod!" Kai says while gesturing to Riki and You

"I know, right? I'm convinced nothing could tear those two apart." Hiyyih nods in agreement

"Yeah, not even a tornado or a zombie apocalypse could break their bond. They're like the ultimate relationship goals." Jay laughs as he watched you two from the distance.

"Hey, let's not jinx it. Knowing these two, they'd probably take on a zombie horde together and come out unscathed." Heeseung raises his eyebrows but says sarcastically.

"Can you calm down; you're stressing me out!" one of the guys on the dance team takes hold of Riki's jittering self. Clearly, he was under stress and pressure to do well in this event. "Yeah Riki, you'll do great, like always" Kai comes up to him and pats him on the back.

"Yeah, but this time, I have a solo part and what if I-"

"You won't. You're literally a born to be dancer and performer." there you are, what Riki needed right now. Walking into the room giving him the biggest hug you could give him but considering the height difference, you were more like a baby bear to him.

"You've got this, Riki. Just remember to breathe and let your passion flow through every movement."

"Thanks, Babe. I don't know what I'd do without you here."

The emcee's voice echoes through the speakers, announcing the next performance. Riki takes a deep breath, centering himself as he steps onto the stage, the spotlight illuminating his figure.

As the music begins to play, Riki's movements are fluid and graceful, his body seemingly moving in perfect harmony with the rhythm. Each step is imbued with emotion, a testament to his dedication and talent.

From the wings, You watch with bated breath, heart swelling with pride as you witness Riki's mesmerizing performance.

As Riki reaches the climax of his solo, the audience erupts into applause, their cheers filling the auditorium with thunderous applause. Your eyes shimmer with tears of joy as you rush forward to embrace Riki backstage, admiration for him overflowing.

"That was incredible, Riki! You were absolutely breathtaking up there."

There was someone in the crowd who thought the very same about Riki...Remember the talk where your friends were joking how nothing could tear you apart? Yeah, the 'nothing' was there at the auditorium.

It's a typical day on campus, with students bustling between classes and the air filled with the hum of activity. Riki is sitting in a lecture hall, scribbling notes furiously as the professor drones on about the intricacies of a science theory. Suddenly, there's a knock on the door, and the professor pauses, motioning for Riki to step outside.

Riki furrows his brow in confusion but follows the professor's lead, stepping out into the hallway where a man in a sharp suit awaits him. The man exudes an air of confidence and authority, and Riki's curiosity is piqued.

"Riki, I presume? My name is Hiro Endo. I was at your performance yesterday, and I must say, I was thoroughly impressed." Extending a hand

Riki's eyes widen in surprise, his heart pounding with excitement. He shakes Hiro's hand eagerly, his mind racing with possibilities.

"Thank you, sir. That means a lot coming from you. But may I ask what brings you here?"

"I represent one of the most renowned entertainment companies abroad, and I believe you have the potential to be a star. Your talent is undeniable, and I would like to offer you and a fellow member of your dance team an incredible opportunity to work with us."

Riki's heart skips a beat at the mention of such a life-changing opportunity. He glances around, searching for his friend from the dance team, who steps forward with a mixture of excitement and disbelief.

"I… I don't know what to say."

"Take a look at these documents. Everything is legitimate, I assure you. This is a chance for you to pursue your passion on a global stage, with all expenses covered and a generous compensation package."

Riki's hands tremble slightly as he flips through the documents, his mind whirling with the magnitude of the opportunity before him. He looks up at Hiro, his eyes shining with determination.

"I'll do it. I'll take the chance."

Hiro's smile widens, sensing Riki's commitment to seize the opportunity before him. With a firm handshake and a promise of further details to come, they part ways, leaving Riki with a newfound sense of purpose and excitement for the future.

As Riki returns to his class, the weight of the decision he's just made settles in his chest.

As Riki navigates the rest of his day, the weight of Hiro's offer hangs heavily on his mind. With each passing moment, the pros and cons of accepting the opportunity to go abroad to South Korea swirl through his thoughts, leaving him torn between excitement and apprehension.

During his next class, Riki finds it difficult to concentrate, his mind wandering back to the conversation with Hiro and the tantalizing prospect of pursuing his passion on a global stage. He imagines the vibrant dance scene in South Korea, the opportunity to learn and grow as an artist, and the chance to make a name for himself on an international level. But alongside the excitement, a nagging sense of doubt gnaws at him.

As the afternoon stretches on, Riki decides to seek solace in the one person who knows him best: Yn. He sends her a text, asking if they can meet up later that evening to talk. With each passing hour, the anticipation builds, and Riki finds himself grappling with the decision of whether to tell Yn about the offer now or wait until it's officially in writing.

On one hand, he wants to share his excitement and fears with Yn, knowing that she'll offer him the support and guidance he needs. But on the other hand, he worries about burdening her with his uncertainties and fears, especially when the offer is still tentative.

As evening falls and Riki meets Yn at their favorite spot-on campus, he takes a deep breath, steeling himself for the conversation ahead. He knows that whatever decision he makes, Yn will be by his side every step of the way. And with her unwavering support, he feels ready to face whatever the future may hold.

"Yn, there's something I need to talk to you about."

You look at him, expression a mix of curiosity and concern. Senses the gravity of his words and braces self for what's to come.

"What is it, Riki? You seem… tense."

Riki meets your gaze, his eyes reflecting a mixture of excitement and uncertainty "A talent agent approached me. He offered me an incredible opportunity to work abroad with one of the most renowned entertainment companies in South Korea."

Your heart skips a beat at Riki's words, a mixture of pride and apprehension washing over you. You knew this day would come, but the reality of it hits harder than anticipated.

"Wow, Riki, that's… that's amazing! Congratulations!" forcing a smile.

Riki reaches for your hand, his touch gentle and reassuring "I know it's a lot to take in, but I truly believe we can make this work, Yn. We've always been so good at communication, and with technology these days, staying connected will be easier than ever. Plus, think of all the opportunities this could open up for both of us."

Your heart aches at Riki's optimism, knowing deep down that your relationship will face challenges you both can't simply overcome with good intentions and video calls. Again, forces a smile, masking your inner turmoil as you squeezes Riki's hand gently.

Softly "Riki, I appreciate your optimism, I really do. But… but we both know that long-distance relationships are incredibly hard. And with your career taking off like this, I… I don't want to hold you back."

Now it Riki's heart to sink at your words, the weight of uncertainty hitting him like a punch to the gut. He had hoped you would share in his excitement, but now he realizes the depth of the fears and doubts.

"Yn, I… I don't want to lose you. You mean everything to me, and I can't imagine my life without you by my side."

Your eyes glisten with unshed tears as you meet Riki's gaze, voice barely above a whisper.

"Riki, I love you. And I want nothing more than to see you succeed and chase your dreams. But… but I can't ignore the reality of the situation. Sometimes love isn't enough to bridge the distance."

Riki's heart shatters at Yn's words, the realization dawning on him that their love may not be enough to overcome the obstacles that lie ahead. With a heavy heart, he pulls Yn into a tight embrace, holding her close as they silently grapple with the uncertain future that lies ahead.

"Yn, please… just hear me out. I know this won't be easy, but I truly believe we have what it takes to make it work."

Your gaze flickers with a mixture of longing and uncertainty, heart torn between the love you feel for Riki and the fear of the unknown that lies ahead.

"Riki, I want to believe that too, I really do. But… but how can we be sure? What if the distance becomes too much to bear?"

"Because I know, deep in my heart, that our love is stronger than any distance. We've overcome obstacles before, Yn, and this will be no different. We'll make it work, together."

"Yn, I promise you, with every fiber of my being, that I will do whatever it takes to make this work. I won't let our love slip away, not now, not ever. Please, just give us a chance."

With a trembling breath, you nods slowly, a flicker of hope igniting within you. "Okay, Riki. Okay, let's give it a try."

You wake up to the soft morning light filtering through the curtains, the warmth of Riki's embrace wrapping around you like a cocoon. With a contented sigh, you nuzzle closer to him, cherishing the fleeting moments of peace before the day's responsibilities pull you apart.

Hand in hand, you stroll through the vibrant bustle of the campus, the chatter of students and the rustle of leaves creating a symphony of life around you. With every step, you steal glances at Riki, committing the curve of his smile and the sparkle in his eyes to memory, knowing that soon they'll be but distant echoes in your mind.

Underneath the shade of a towering oak tree, you and Riki share a picnic lunch, the taste of homemade sandwiches and sweet strawberries a bittersweet reminder of the moments you'll soon leave behind. You laugh and reminisce, savoring the precious hours you have left together before the inevitable goodbye.

As the sun dips below the horizon, painting the sky in hues of orange and pink, you and Riki steal away to your favorite spot on campus, a secluded bench overlooking the city skyline. In the quiet stillness of the evening, you wrap yourselves in each other's arms, the weight of the impending farewell heavy on your hearts.

With a heavy sigh, you press your forehead against Riki's, the warmth of his breath mingling with yours in a silent exchange of love and longing. In the depths of his gaze, you find solace and strength, drawing courage from the unspoken promise that your love will endure, no matter the distance.

In these fleeting moments, Yn finds solace and strength in the love she shares with Riki, cherishing every precious second before they must part ways.

The airport terminal buzzes with the energy of travelers coming and going, but for you and Riki, the world narrows to a single, heart-wrenching moment. Hand in hand, you stand amidst the throng of people, your fingers intertwined as you cling to each other desperately, unwilling to let go.

Tears prick at the corners of your eyes as you gaze up at Riki, your heart aching with the weight of your impending separation. His face mirrors your own emotions, etched with sadness and longing.

"I don't want to leave you, Yn. I can't bear the thought of being apart from you."

You choke back a sob, your throat tight with emotion. "I know, Riki. I feel the same way. But… but we have to be strong. We'll find a way to make this work, I promise."

Your words hang in the air like a fragile thread, tethering you together in the face of uncertainty. But as the minutes tick by, the reality of your impending goodbye looms ever closer, casting a shadow over your fragile hope.

It's only when your friend Kai approaches, his expression solemn yet compassionate, that you realize the time has come to part ways. With a heavy heart, you turn to Riki, your eyes glistening with unshed tears.

"Guys, it's time. The boarding call has been announced."

Riki's grip tightens on your hand, his heart breaking at the finality of Kai's words. With a trembling breath, he presses a tender kiss to your forehead, his touch a silent vow of love and devotion.

"I'll never forget you, Yn. I'll carry you with me wherever I go."

Your voice catches in your throat as you return Riki's kiss, your heart overflowing with love and longing.

"I love you, Riki. Always and forever."

With one last lingering embrace, you reluctantly release each other, your hearts heavy with the weight of your farewell. With tears streaming down your cheeks, you watch as Riki disappears into the crowd, leaving behind a void that echoes with the echo of your love.

As you watch Riki's retreating figure, you cling to the hope that one day, your paths will cross again, and you'll find your way back to each other, stronger and more resilient than ever before.

The car ride home from the airport is silent, the weight of Riki's absence hanging heavy in the air. You stare blankly out the window, your mind a whirlwind of emotions as tears trace silent paths down your cheeks.

As the car pulls up to your doorstep, your phone pings with a notification. With trembling hands, you unlock the screen to find a message from Riki, accompanied by a selfie that pierces your heart like a dagger. In the photo, Riki's red eyes and tear-streaked face speak volumes, a stark reminder of the pain you both feel in your separation.

Your fingers tremble as you open the message, your heart breaking with each word.

Riki's Text: "Goodbye, Yn. I'll call as soon as I land. I love you, always."

"Yn, we're here for you. Lean on us, okay?" You look up to find Bahiyyih's compassionate gaze, her eyes brimming with empathy. Around her, Jay and Kai stand in solidarity, their silent presence a comforting anchor amidst the storm of emotions.

With a shaky breath, you nod, allowing yourself to be enveloped in the warmth of your friends' embrace.

As the third year of college unfolds, you find yourself immersed in a whirlwind of classes, assignments, and extracurricular activities, each day passing in a blur of busyness and routine. But amidst the chaos of student life, there's a quiet sense of contentment that settles over you, a reassuring reminder that even in Riki's absence, your love endures.

In the four months since Riki left, you've thrown yourself into your studies with renewed focus and determination, channeling your energy into academic pursuits and personal growth. The days blur together in a blur of lectures and late-night study sessions, but through it all, Riki's presence lingers like a guiding light, his love a steady anchor amidst the tumult of college life.

Despite the distance between you, your bond with Riki remains as strong as ever, nurtured by late-night phone calls, heartfelt messages, and the occasional video chat. Each interaction is a precious lifeline, a reminder of the deep connection you share and the promise of a future reunited.

As the weeks turn into months, you take solace in the knowledge that despite the miles that separate you, your love knows no bounds. And though the road ahead may be long and uncertain, you face it with courage and conviction, secure in the knowledge that no matter what challenges lie ahead, you and Riki will weather them together, stronger than ever before.

The soft glow of your phone illuminates the darkness of your room as you settle in for another late-night study session. With a tired sigh, you pull up your phone, a smile tugging at your lips as you wait for Riki's familiar face to appear on the screen.

After a moment, his face pops up, his eyes lighting up with a grin as he sees you. "Hey, love," he says, his voice warm and filled with affection.

"Hey, Riki," you reply, your heart fluttering at the sight of him. "How's your day been?"

Riki leans back in his chair, running a hand through his hair. "Busy, as usual. But seeing your face makes it all worth it."

You feel a blush creep onto your cheeks at his words, a warm rush of affection washing over you. "You're such a sweetheart," you say, unable to contain your smile.

For the next hour, you and Riki lose yourselves in conversation, sharing stories about your day and trading jokes and laughter. Despite the miles that separate you, the connection between you feels as strong as ever, each moment spent together a cherished reminder of the love you share.

As the clock ticks past midnight, you reluctantly bid Riki goodbye, knowing that another day of classes awaits you both in the morning.

In the bustling cafeteria, you and your friends gather around a table, the lively chatter of students filling the air with warmth and energy. As you dig into your lunches, a familiar face approaches you, a hopeful smile playing on his lips.

"Hey, Yn," he says, his voice tinged with nervousness. "I was wondering if you'd like to grab coffee sometime? Maybe go see a movie?"

Your heart skips a beat at the unexpected invitation, but you offer him a gentle smile. "Thank you, but I have a boyfriend. I appreciate the offer though."

With a disappointed nod, the guy retreats, leaving you to return your attention to your friends. But as you resume your conversation, a question lingers in the back of your mind, like a faint whisper of doubt.

It's Bahiyyih who voices the unspoken concern, her brow furrowed with curiosity. "Hey, Yn, what if someone else likes Riki? What if people start asking him out?"

Your heart clenches at the thought, a surge of protectiveness welling up within you. You take a moment to collect your thoughts before responding, your voice firm yet tinged with uncertainty.

"I trust Riki," you say, your words a quiet affirmation of your faith in your relationship. "And I trust in the love we share. If someone else likes him, well… it's flattering, but it doesn't change how I feel about him."

Later that evening, as you and Riki settle in for your nightly video call, you can't help but share a lighthearted moment with him. With a playful smile, you recount the encounter at the cafeteria.

Riki's laughter fills the screen, his eyes twinkling with amusement.

You chuckle at his teasing remark, feeling a warm flutter in your chest at his words. "Well, he definitely got the wrong idea. But it was kind of funny."

As the conversation winds down, you both find yourselves drifting off to sleep, the comforting presence of each other's voice lulling you into peaceful dreams. With your phones still on video call, you share a silent moment of intimacy, the soft glow of the screen casting a warm halo around your faces.

The next following months were just like that, Riki and you still communicated. Things were different, that's for sure.

Now, you were in your 2 months of the second semester of third year. Riki was now preparing for new upcoming performances, both of ypu had realized that in this time of year, you both are busy and have less time for one another.

As the clock ticks past midnight, you find yourself nestled in the familiar comfort of your dorm room, the soft glow of your phone casting shadows across the walls. With each passing minute, anticipation builds in your chest as you wait for Riki's late-night video call, a nightly ritual that brings you both closer despite the distance between you.

But as the hours stretch on, the silence of the room grows deafening, broken only by the soft hum of the ceiling fan and the distant sounds of laughter from down the hall. With each passing minute, a gnawing sense of unease creeps into your mind, overshadowing the excitement that had filled you earlier.

You check your phone for what feels like the hundredth time, hoping for a message or a missed call from Riki, but the screen remains stubbornly blank, devoid of any notifications. A frown creases your brow as you glance at the time once more, realizing with a sinking feeling that Riki's late-night call isn't coming tonight.

As the minutes turn into hours, you wrestle with a whirlwind of emotions, from disappointment and frustration to worry and concern. Thoughts race through your mind, each one more unsettling than the last. What if something happened to Riki? What if he forgot about your call? What if…?

With a heavy sigh, you push aside the barrage of doubts and fears, choosing instead to focus on the love and trust you share with Riki. You remind yourself that he's likely caught up in rehearsals or meetings, his busy schedule leaving little time for anything else.

But even as you try to rationalize his absence, a small part of you can't shake the feeling of loneliness that settles over you like a heavy blanket. You long for the familiar sound of his voice, the warmth of his laughter, the comfort of his presence.

With a resigned sigh, you resign yourself to another night spent apart, the glow of the phone screen casting a soft halo around you as you drift off to sleep, holding onto the hope that tomorrow will bring the reassurance and connection you crave.

As Riki steps into his apartment, exhaustion weighs heavily on his shoulders, a testament to the long hours spent at dance practice followed by a whirlwind of classes and meetings throughout the day. With a weary sigh, he kicks off his shoes and drops his bag by the door, his thoughts drifting to you, thousands of miles away in Japan.

Glancing at the clock, Riki's heart sinks as he realizes how late it's gotten. It's already well past midnight, and the thought of interrupting your sleep with a late-night video call fills him with guilt.

With a conflicted sigh, Riki debates whether to reach out to you anyway, knowing how much he craves the connection and comfort of your voice. But as he weighs the pros and cons, a sense of responsibility tugs at his conscience, reminding him of the importance of rest and self-care, both for himself and for you.

Reluctantly, Riki sets his phone aside, knowing that the late hour is no time to disturb your sleep. Instead, he resolves to send you a text in the morning, a simple gesture to let you know that he's thinking of you, even when they're apart.

As he settles into bed, the soft glow of his phone casting shadows across the room, he drifts off to sleep, wrapped in the warmth of your memory.

For Riki, the demands of his dance career and rigorous training schedule weigh heavily on his mind, leaving him little time or energy to devote to anything else. Each day is a relentless cycle of rehearsals, performances, and late-night practice sessions, leaving him drained and exhausted by the time he collapses into bed.

As the weeks slip by in a blur of obligations and responsibilities, you find yourself struggling to keep up with the demands of college life while navigating the increasingly distant landscape of your relationship with Riki. Despite your best efforts to stay connected, communication between you has become sparse and erratic, leaving you feeling adrift in a sea of uncertainty and longing.

Each day is a delicate balancing act, a relentless juggling of classes, assignments, and extracurricular activities, all while trying to carve out precious moments to connect with Riki. But no matter how hard you try, the distance between you seems to grow wider with each passing day, leaving you feeling increasingly isolated and alone.

The once constant stream of texts and calls has dwindled to a trickle, leaving you yearning for the warmth of Riki's voice and the comfort of his presence. Each unanswered message feels like a tiny dagger to the heart, a painful reminder of the growing chasm between you.

In the quiet moments of solitude, you find yourself haunted by doubts and insecurities, wondering if Riki still cares as deeply for you as he once did. The silence weighs heavily on your mind, casting a shadow over the once bright and hopeful future you imagined together.

But despite the uncertainty that clouds your thoughts, a part of you still clings to hope, holding onto the belief that love has a way of overcoming even the greatest obstacles. You remind yourself that distance is just a temporary hurdle, and that as long as you and Riki remain committed to each other, you'll find a way to weather the storm together.

And so, as the weeks turn into months, you hold onto the promise of better days ahead, trusting in the strength of your love to guide you through the darkness and into the light. For even in the midst of uncertainty, you know that with Riki by your side, anything is possible.

As you take a much-needed study break, you absentmindedly scroll through your social media feed, hoping for a momentary distraction from the weight of your thoughts. But as you idly flick through the photos and updates, your heart lurches painfully in your chest at the sight of a familiar face.

There, amidst the sea of posts and selfies, is a picture of Riki, his arm casually draped around the shoulder of a girl you don't recognize. The image is a stark reminder of the distance between you, a painful testament to the reality of your fading connection.

Your breath catches in your throat as you stare at the photo, your mind struggling to process the flood of emotions crashing over you like a tidal wave. Jealousy, hurt, and betrayal swirl together in a tumultuous whirlwind, threatening to overwhelm your fragile heart.

With trembling fingers, you tap on the photo, your heart pounding in your chest as you read the caption beneath it. "Fun day out with my favorite person ❤️ #love #happyducky"

The words hit you like a punch to the gut, each one a painful reminder of the intimacy and closeness shared between Riki and the girl in the photo. A sense of betrayal gnaws at your insides, leaving you feeling raw and exposed, as if your world has been turned upside down in an instant.

Tears blur your vision as you stare at the screen, your mind racing with a million questions and doubts. In that moment, as you sit alone in your room, surrounded by the suffocating silence of your own thoughts, the pain of heartbreak washes over you like a tidal wave, threatening to drag you under.

With a heavy heart and trembling fingers, you reach for your phone, the weight of the day's revelation pressing down on your shoulders. Despite the ache in your chest, you muster the courage to send a text to Riki, your fingers hesitating over the keys as you struggle to find the right words.

"Riki, we need to talk. Please call me when you get this."

With a shaky breath, you hit send, the message disappearing into the digital abyss as you wait anxiously for a response that never comes. The minutes stretch into hours, but your phone remains stubbornly silent, devoid of any sign of life from Riki.

As you climb into bed, the weight of uncertainty settles over you like a heavy blanket, casting a shadow over the once familiar comfort of your room. Despite your exhaustion, sleep eludes you, your mind consumed with thoughts of Riki and the painful realization of his betrayal.

With a heavy sigh, you curl up beneath the covers, your heart heavy with the weight of unanswered questions and unspoken truths. In the silence of the night, you find yourself grappling with a maelstrom of emotions, each one more overwhelming than the last.

As you drift off into fitful sleep, your dreams haunted by echoes of Riki's laughter and the warmth of his embrace, you can't help but wonder what tomorrow will bring. But for now, all you can do is wait, the uncertainty of the future looming large in the darkness, a silent reminder of the fragile nature of love and trust.

With a groggy groan, you roll over in bed, your hand fumbling for your phone on the nightstand. The sound of its insistent ringing fills the room, pulling you reluctantly from the depths of sleep.

Groggily, you glance at the caller ID, your heart skipping a beat as you see Riki's name flashing on the screen. Without bothering with a proper greeting, you answer the phone with a sassy tone, your words laced with a hint of annoyance.

"What, did you finally remember you have a phone?"

There's a moment of silence on the other end of the line, and you can almost hear the surprise in Riki's voice as he responds, his words tinged with uncertainty.

"Uh, good morning to you too, Yn. Is everything okay?"

Despite your frustration, a pang of guilt tugs at your conscience at the concern in Riki's voice. With a sigh, you relent, your tone softening slightly as you reply.

"Yeah, sorry. I just… didn't expect to hear from you, that's all."

There's a pause as Riki absorbs your words, his voice gentle as he speaks.

"I know things have been rough lately, but I want to talk about it. Can we meet up?"

As confusion swirls in your mind, you can't help but furrow your brow in disbelief. "What do you mean, meet up? You're in South Korea."

There's a brief pause on the other end of the line before Riki's voice comes through, filled with an unexpected urgency. "Just… open your front door, Yn."

Your heart races with anticipation as you rush to the door, your hands trembling with excitement. With a flick of the lock, you swing it open, your eyes widening in shock at the sight before you.

There, standing on your doorstep, is Riki, a sheepish grin spreading across his face as he holds up his phone in a gesture of greeting. "Surprise," he says, his voice tinged with excitement and relief.

Your jaw drops in astonishment, your mind struggling to process the surreal sight before you. "Riki, what are you doing here? How did you…?"

But before you can finish your sentence, Riki steps forward, enveloping you in a warm embrace that sends shivers down your spine. "I couldn't stay away any longer," he whispers, his breath warm against your ear. "I needed to see you."

Tears prick at your eyes as you return the embrace, your heart overflowing with a dizzying mix of joy, relief, and disbelief. In that moment, as you stand together on your doorstep, the distance and misunderstandings of the past few weeks melt away, replaced by the overwhelming certainty of your love for each other.

As Riki takes in the redness of your eyes, concern etches his features, but before he can voice his worry, you step back, breaking free from his embrace. His eyebrows furrow in confusion as he looks at you, searching your face for answers.

"What's wrong, Yn?" he asks, his voice filled with genuine concern.

You meet his gaze with a sassy smirk, your tone laced with sarcasm. "Oh, nothing. Just stumbled upon a cute little picture of you and your 'favorite person' on Instagram last night."

Riki's expression shifts from confusion to realization, his eyes widening in understanding. "Yn, it's not what you think—"

As you step back into the apartment, the weight of the moment hangs heavy in the air, a palpable tension swirling between you and Riki. But before you can retreat any further, Riki moves closer, his arms encircling you in a gentle back hug. His touch sends a shiver down your spine, the warmth of his embrace a stark contrast to the coldness of your heart.

"Yn, please," he pleads, his voice soft and pleading. "Let me explain."

You stiffen in his arms, your resolve wavering as his words wash over you. Part of you longs to hear his side of the story, to believe that there's a rational explanation for what you saw. But another part of you, wounded and betrayed, hesitates to let your guard down, afraid of the pain that lies on the other side of forgiveness.

With a sigh, you turn to face him, your eyes meeting his in a silent plea for honesty. "Fine," you say, your voice barely above a whisper. "But make it quick."

Riki nods, his expression earnest as he takes a deep breath, steeling himself for what comes next. And as he begins to speak, his words wash over you like a soothing balm, each one a testament to the depth of his love and the sincerity of his regret.

Throughout the week, Riki's presence brings a sense of warmth and familiarity to your home, filling the air with laughter and shared memories.

One lazy morning, you wake up to the aroma of freshly brewed coffee, courtesy of Riki's thoughtful surprise. As you join him at the kitchen table, he presents you with a steaming cup, his eyes twinkling with mischief. Together, you share intimate conversations over the warmth of your drinks, lost in each other's company as the morning sun filters through the curtains.

On a clear night, Riki suggests a spontaneous adventure: stargazing in the park. Hand in hand, you make your way under the twinkling sky, laying out a blanket to lie on. As you gaze up at the vast expanse of stars above, Riki whispers secrets and promises, his words mingling with the soft rustle of leaves and the distant hum of the city. In that moment, surrounded by the beauty of the universe, you feel closer to him than ever before.

In a burst of spontaneity, Riki challenges you to a pillow fight, the room erupting in laughter as pillows fly and giggles fill the air. You duck and dodge his playful swipes, retaliating with your own, your hearts racing with the thrill of the moment. Amidst the chaos and laughter, you share a connection that transcends words, a bond forged in the simple joys of being together.

These moments, filled with laughter, love, and shared experiences, serve as a poignant reminder of the deep connection and affection that binds you and Riki together.

But amidst the joyous reunions and heartwarming moments, you can't help but notice the subtle shifts in Riki's behavior, the fleeting glances at his phone and the whispered conversations that leave you feeling uneasy.

In the midst of a family dinner, you catch Riki sneaking glances at his phone, his brows furrowing in concentration as he types out a quick response to a message. At first, you brush it off as nothing more than the usual distractions of modern life, but as the week wears on, the frequency of his interruptions becomes harder to ignore.

During a quiet moment alone together, you voice your concerns to Riki, your words tinged with a hint of worry. "Is everything okay, Riki? You seem… distracted."

Riki's smile falters for a moment before he offers you a reassuring squeeze of the hand. "It's nothing, Yn. Just some work stuff I need to take care of."

Despite his words, a nagging sense of doubt lingers in the back of your mind, a silent reminder of the uncertainties that have plagued your relationship in recent weeks. But you push aside your doubts, choosing instead to trust in Riki's love and sincerity.

As the week draws to a close, you find yourself unable to shake the feeling of unease that gnaws at your insides. And then, one fateful afternoon, as you innocently reach for Riki's phone to check the time, you stumble upon a series of messages that shatter your world into a million jagged pieces.

With trembling hands and tears in your eyes, you scroll through the messages, each one a damning testament to the betrayal that has unfolded right under your nose. And in that heart-wrenching moment of truth, the painful realization dawns upon you: Riki's distractions weren't innocent after all. He was hiding something from you, something that would irreparably change the course of your relationship forever.

As you hold Riki's phone in your trembling hands, the weight of the truth settling heavily upon your shoulders, you're startled by the sound of the bathroom door opening. With a shaky breath, you quickly set the phone down on the bedside table, your heart pounding in your chest as you scramble to compose yourself.

As Riki emerges from the bathroom, his expression bright and carefree, you force a sleepy smile, pretending as though you've just woken up. "Hey, sleepyhead," he greets you with a warm smile, oblivious to the storm raging within you.

You return his smile with a forced one of your own, your mind racing with a million thoughts and emotions. Despite the urge to confront him, to demand answers to the questions burning in your mind, you hold back, choosing instead to bury your pain beneath a facade of indifference.

As Riki settles onto the bed beside you, his warmth seeping into your bones, you fight the urge to reach out to him, to seek comfort in his embrace. But as you steal a glance at his unsuspecting face, the memory of his betrayal looms large in your mind, a silent reminder of the shattered trust between you.

In that moment, as you lie there beside him, a silent tension fills the air, a palpable barrier that separates you from the man you once loved. And as you struggle to make sense of the turmoil within you, one thing becomes painfully clear: now is not the time for comfort or reconciliation. For now, all you can do is bide your time, waiting for the right moment to confront him and demand the truth.

As the days pass by, you find yourself grappling with the painful truth that hangs heavy in the air between you and Riki. Despite his attempts to maintain a facade of normalcy, his behavior remains unchanged, his frequent disappearances to answer calls or texts a constant source of unease.

Each time he slips away, you can't help but feel a pang of betrayal as you watch him, his smile once meant for you now a cruel reminder of the deception that lurks beneath the surface. And as he returns to the table, his kiss on your cheek feels hollow, a bitter reminder of the love that was lost amidst the web of lies and deceit.

In that moment, as you sit beside him, a silent tension fills the space between you, a chasm of unspoken words and unresolved emotions. And as you steal a glance at his unsuspecting face, a surge of anger and resentment wells up inside you, threatening to consume you whole.

But instead of giving in to the urge to confront him, you bite back the words that burn on the tip of your tongue, choosing instead to keep silent, to bide your time until the moment is right. For now, all you can do is play the part of the oblivious lover, keeping your true feelings hidden beneath a mask of indifference, all the while knowing that the truth will eventually come to light.

I played dumb, but I always knew That you talked to her, maybe did even worse I kept quiet so I could keep you

As the night stretches on, you lie awake in bed, your thoughts swirling in a tumultuous storm of emotions. Beside you, Riki shifts restlessly, his concern evident in the furrow of his brow.

"Yn, what's wrong?" he murmurs, his voice thick with worry.

But you remain silent, your mind consumed by the weight of your own thoughts. You know you should speak up, confront Riki about the truth you've discovered, but the words catch in your throat, suffocated by the fear of what might come next.

Sensing your hesitation, Riki reaches out to gently caress your cheek, his touch a soothing balm against the turmoil within you. "Please, Yn," he pleads, his voice barely above a whisper. "Talk to me. I can't help you if you don't tell me what's wrong."

But still, you remain silent, your heart heavy with the burden of your secrets. With a sigh, Riki pulls you close, wrapping you in his arms with a tenderness that threatens to undo your resolve.

"Fine," you finally whisper, your voice barely audible in the darkness. "Just… hold me tight until morning, okay?" And with that simple request, Riki pulls you even closer.

In the depths of the night, as sleep claims you in its gentle embrace, you find yourself drifting into a dream so vivid and beautiful that it feels almost like reality. In this dream, you and Riki are together, happy and content, living out a future filled with love and laughter.

You can see it all so clearly: the two of you walking hand in hand down a sunlit aisle, surrounded by friends and family as you exchange vows of everlasting devotion. You can feel the warmth of Riki's touch, the softness of his voice as he whispers words of love and affection into your ear.

Together, you embark on a journey of endless adventures and shared experiences, building a life filled with joy and happiness. You can see yourselves growing old together, still holding hands and stealing kisses even after decades have passed.

But then, in the quiet darkness of the night, reality comes crashing back with a cruel inevitability. As you stir from your dream-induced reverie, your eyes flutter open to the sight of Riki sleeping peacefully beside you, his features softened by the gentle glow of the moonlight.

In that moment, as you gaze upon his sleeping form, a pang of sadness grips your heart, the harsh truth of your situation looming large in the darkness. You know deep down that the future you envisioned in your dream will never come to pass, that the love you once shared with Riki has been tainted by betrayal and mistrust.

With a heavy sigh, you turn away from him, burying your face in the pillow as tears prick at the corners of your eyes. In the stillness of the night, you grapple with the painful realization that the dream you so desperately clung to will forever remain nothing more than a fleeting fantasy, a bittersweet reminder of what could have been.

In the soft light of dawn, you find yourselves once again at the airport, the familiar scent of departure lingering in the air as you stand on the precipice of another goodbye. But this time, there's a subtle shift in the atmosphere, a quiet sense of resignation mingled with a newfound sense of resolve.

As you watch Riki prepare to board his flight, a bittersweet smile graces your lips, a fleeting reflection of the conflicting emotions swirling within you. You know that saying goodbye to him will be painful, but deep down, you also know that it's the right thing to do.

As you stand at the airport, the weight of unspoken words hanging heavy between you and Riki, you can't help but feel a sense of urgency bubbling up inside you. With a glance towards him, you catch his gaze, a flicker of confusion crossing his features as he meets your eyes.

"I know, Riki," you say softly, your voice barely above a whisper, but laced with a quiet determination.

Riki's brow furrows in confusion, his lips parting as if to speak, but no words come out. He searches your face for answers, but you simply offer him a small, enigmatic smile, leaving him to grapple with the puzzle of your words.

As Riki boards the plane and takes his seat, the pieces of the puzzle begin to fall into place in his mind. With a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach, he realizes the truth behind your cryptic message, the weight of his actions crashing down on him like a ton of bricks.

As the plane taxis down the runway, Riki's mind races with regret and remorse, his heart heavy with the knowledge of what he's lost. In that moment of clarity, he knows that he may have let go of the greatest love he'll ever know, all for the sake of fleeting moments of temptation and desire.

And as the plane takes off, carrying him away from you and towards an uncertain future, Riki is left to grapple with the consequences of his choices, knowing that the pain of your goodbye will haunt him long after the plane touches down in a distant land.

As you sits in your car, watching through tear-blurred eyes as the plane carrying Riki disappears into the vast expanse of the sky, a wave of emotions crashes over you like a tidal wave. Tears stream down her cheeks unchecked, mingling with the silent sobs that wrack her body.

Memories of their time together flash before your eyes, each one a bittersweet reminder of the love you once shared and the dreams you two had dared to dream together. But now, all that remains is an empty void, a gaping hole where once there was warmth and affection.

Your phone buzzes insistently, pulling your attention away from the conversation with Jay and Kai. You hesitate, your thumb hovering over the answer button, torn between the desire to hear Riki's voice and the fear of worsening fresh wounds.

Jay notices your hesitation and raises an eyebrow. "Who's calling?" he asks, curiosity piqued.

You shrug nonchalantly, a forced smile playing at your lips. "Just someone from school," you lie, the words tasting bitter on your tongue.

Jay frowns, sensing your reluctance to answer. "You gonna pick up or what?" he prods, his tone tinged with impatience.

Your heart pounds in your chest as you weigh your options. You know that talking to Riki will only make things worse, but a part of you still longs to hear his voice, to find some semblance of closure in your fractured relationship.

In the end, you shake your head and decline the call, your hand trembling slightly as you set your phone back down on the table. "Sorry, just not in the mood to talk right now," you mumble, offering your friends a weak smile.

Jay nods understandingly, but you can see the concern etched in his expression. You know that your friends mean well, but there are some things you're not ready to share, some wounds too deep to be healed by mere words.

As the conversation shifts back to lighter topics, you can't help but feel a pang of regret at your decision to ignore Riki's call. But deep down, you know that it's for the best, that some bridges are better left unburned, even if it means sacrificing the chance for closure.

As Riki steps off the plane in South Korea, his heart heavy with the weight of his actions, he is greeted by a familiar face waiting for him by the gate. But instead of the usual excitement and anticipation he feels at seeing her, there's a knot of guilt and remorse churning in the pit of his stomach.

For the first time, he looks at her and sees not just the thrill of their secret trysts, but the pain and betrayal that his actions have caused another. He sees the hurt reflected in her eyes, a silent reminder of the consequences of his actions, and he can't help but feel a pang of regret deep within him.

As she approaches him with a smile, her arms outstretched in greeting, Riki can't bring himself to return the gesture. Instead, he hangs his head in shame, unable to meet her gaze as the weight of his guilt threatens to crush him.

In that moment, looking at her standing there before him, Riki realizes the magnitude of his mistakes. He knows that he can never undo the pain he's caused you, but he also knows that he can't continue down this path of deception and betrayal any longer.

With a heavy heart, Riki takes a step back, distancing himself from the girl he once thought he loved. And as he walks away, leaving behind the echoes of his past mistakes, he knows that the road to redemption will be long and arduous. But for you, and for the chance at a better future, he's willing to take that first step.

As the months flew by, the weight of Riki's absence lingered heavy on your heart, a constant reminder of the love you had lost and the wounds that still remained unhealed. Graduation loomed on the horizon, a bittersweet milestone marking the end of one chapter and the beginning of another.

Despite your best efforts to move on, Riki remained a lingering presence in your thoughts, his memory haunting you at every turn. It was a struggle to push him out of your mind, to silence the ache in your heart that longed for his touch and his presence.

But as graduation day drew nearer, you knew that it was time to confront the truth, to lay bare the painful reality of your relationship with Riki. With a heavy heart, you confided in your friends, finally revealing the truth that you had kept hidden for so long.

Their reactions ranged from shock to anger to profound sadness, but through it all, they stood by your side, offering their unwavering support and understanding. With their help, you found the strength to stop seeking updates on Riki, to let go of the need to know what he was doing or where he was going.

As you browse through racks of dresses with Bahiyyih by your side, laughter and chatter filling the air, your heart skips a beat when you suddenly catch sight of a familiar figure standing just a few feet away. Your breath catches in your throat as you lock eyes with Riki, his expression a mix of shock and desperation.

Time seems to stand still as the reality of the moment sinks in, the air heavy with unspoken words and unresolved emotions. For a brief moment, you're transported back to a time when his presence brought nothing but joy and happiness, but now, all you feel is a dull ache in the pit of your stomach.

Bahiyyih's eyes widen in disbelief as she takes in the scene before her, her hand reaching out to grasp yours in a silent gesture of support. She can see the pain etched on your face, the raw vulnerability that lies beneath the surface, and she knows that this unexpected encounter has dredged up a flood of emotions that you had long tried to bury.

Riki opens his mouth as if to speak, but no words come out. Instead, he simply stands there, his eyes pleading for forgiveness, his heart laid bare for all to see. But you know that forgiveness won't come easily, not after everything that has happened between you.

With a heavy heart, you turn away from him, the weight of his gaze burning into your back as you walk away. As Riki takes a step forward, his instinct urging him to chase after you, Bahiyyih steps in his path, her expression a mix of determination and concern. She places a gentle hand on his arm, her touch a silent plea for him to stop and reconsider.

"Riki, wait," she says softly, her voice tinged with urgency. "I know you want to talk to her, but now is not the time. She needs space, time to process everything. This..you, being back all of the sudden"

Riki's brow furrows in frustration, his heart torn between the desire to make things right and the fear of making things worse. He knows that Bahiyyih is right, that barging after you now would only add fuel to the fire, but it's hard to ignore the ache in his chest, the desperate longing to reach out and hold you in his arms.

Reluctantly, he nods, a heavy sigh escaping his lips as he watches you disappear from view. He knows that this won't be the last time he sees you, that there will be other opportunities to make amends, but for now, he'll have to trust that time and distance will heal the wounds that lie between you.

As you sit in your room with Bahiyyih by your side, a heavy silence hangs in the air, broken only by the soft sounds of your breathing. You're not crying, but your mind is elsewhere, lost in a whirlwind of conflicting emotions and shattered illusions.

Thoughts race through your mind like a raging river, each one a painful reminder of the walls you had built up around your heart in an attempt to move on from Riki. You had worked so hard to rebuild your life, to find happiness and fulfillment in the absence of his love, but seeing him earlier today shattered those fragile walls like glass.

In that moment, all the progress you had made feels like nothing more than a cruel illusion, a fleeting mirage in the desert of your heartache. You realize now that no matter how hard you try to forget him, to bury the memories deep within the recesses of your mind, he will always have a hold on your heart, a piece of you that can never be replaced.

And as you stare off into the distance, lost in the labyrinth of your thoughts, you can't help but wonder if it will ever be possible to truly move on from him. Will the ache in your heart ever fade, or will it linger like a shadow, a constant reminder of the love you once shared and the dreams that were shattered in its wake?

Riki finds himself sitting in Heeseung and Jay's dorm room, his heart heavy with guilt and regret. He knows that he's made a mess of things with Yn, and now he's desperate for advice on how to fix it.

Heeseung, ever the empathetic one, offers words of comfort and reassurance. "Look, man, we all make mistakes," he says, his voice gentle and soothing. "The important thing is that you recognize what you've done wrong and try to make it right. Yn is a smart girl, she'll understand if you're honest with her."

But Jay, ever the realist, isn't so quick to let Riki off the hook. "Come on, Riki," he says, his tone sharp and biting. "How could you let her suffer for months while you did nothing? You can't just waltz back into her life and expect her to forgive you. You've got to show her that you're willing to do whatever it takes to make things right."

Riki winces at Jay's words, knowing that he's right. He's let Yn down in the worst possible way, and now he has to face the consequences of his actions. He knows that it won't be easy, that he'll have to work hard to earn back her trust and forgiveness, but he's determined to try.

With a heavy sigh, Riki nods, his jaw set with determination. "You're right," he says, his voice firm. "I messed up, big time. But I'm not going to let Yn down again. I'll do whatever it takes to make things right, even if it means facing some hard truths along the way."

Jay's sharp gaze fixes on Riki, his expression one of curiosity mixed with skepticism. "What about the other girl?" he asks, his tone cutting through the tension in the room.

Riki's heart sinks as he braces himself to explain the tangled web of deceit and betrayal that he's woven. Taking a deep breath, he begins to recount the events that led him to this point, his words stumbling over the painful truth of his actions.

"I thought I could have it all," he admits, his voice heavy with remorse. "I thought I could keep Yn in the dark while I pursued something with this other girl. But it was all a lie, a foolish fantasy that only ended up hurting everyone involved."

As he speaks, Riki can feel the weight of his mistakes pressing down on him, threatening to crush him beneath their burden. But he knows that he has to face the truth, no matter how painful it may be.

Heeseung listens with a sympathetic ear, his expression one of understanding and compassion. "It sounds like you were in over your head," he says, his voice gentle. "But that doesn't excuse what you did. You need to take responsibility for your actions and make things right with Yn."

Jay's expression remains stern, his eyes boring into Riki with an intensity that makes him squirm uncomfortably in his seat. "You've got a lot of work to do, Riki," he says, his tone sharp. "You can't just expect Yn to forgive you overnight. You need to earn back her trust, and that starts with being honest with her about everything."

Riki nods solemnly, knowing that he has a long road ahead of him. But with Heeseung and Jay's support, he feels a glimmer of hope flicker within him. He knows that he may never be able to fully make amends for his mistakes, but he's determined to try, if only to prove to himself and to you that he's capable of change.

As you step out of the apartment building, your heart skips a beat when you see Riki waiting for you, a hopeful look in his eyes. Your resolve wavers for a moment, the sight of him stirring up a whirlwind of conflicting emotions within you.

"I'll walk you to school," he says, his voice gentle and pleading. "I remember how you don't like walking alone."

But you shake your head, steeling yourself against the pull of his words. "I got used to walking alone when you left," you say, your voice firm. "I don't need you to walk me to school anymore."

With that, you turn on your heel and begin to walk away, determined to put as much distance between you and Riki as possible. But to your dismay, he falls into step beside you, his presence a constant reminder of the tangled mess of emotions that still linger between you.

"No matter how far you walk, I'll always follow," he says quietly, his words a whisper on the wind. "I'll do whatever it takes to make things right, Yn. Please, just give me a chance to prove myself to you."

You can feel the weight of his gaze burning into your back as you continue to walk, the ache in your heart growing with each step you take. You know that giving in to him would only reopen old wounds, but at the same time, you can't shake the feeling that maybe, just maybe, there's still a chance for redemption and forgiveness.

As you walk to school, the weight of your emotions threatens to overwhelm you, and you find yourself unable to keep the floodgates closed any longer. With each step, the memories of the promises Riki made before he left come flooding back, taunting you with the bitter taste of broken dreams and shattered trust.

"Remember when you promised that we'd make it work, no matter what?" you begin, your voice tinged with bitterness and hurt. "You said that distance wouldn't be a problem, that we'd find a way to make it through together."

Riki's expression softens, a pained look crossing his features as he listens to your words. "I meant every word of it, Yn," he says, his voice filled with sincerity. "But I know that I messed up, that I let you down in the worst possible way. I'm not asking you to forgive me overnight, but I promise that I'll do whatever it takes to make things right."

But you shake your head, the walls around your heart still firmly in place. "Words are cheap, Riki," you say, your voice tinged with sadness. "You can't just expect me to believe you after everything that's happened. You had your chance to make things right, and you blew it."

Riki's shoulders slump in defeat, his gaze dropping to the ground as he struggles to find the right words to say. "I know that I don't deserve your forgiveness," he says quietly. "But I'm not ready to give up on us yet. Please, just give me one more chance to show you that I've changed."

You pause for a moment, the weight of his words hanging heavy in the air between you. As you finally reach the school gates, the tension between you and Riki hangs heavy in the air, a palpable reminder of the chasm that lies between you. With a heavy sigh, you turn to him, steeling yourself for the answer to the question that has been haunting you since the moment you saw that picture on social media.

"What did she have that I don't?" you ask, your voice trembling with emotion. "Was she worth throwing away everything we had?"

Before Riki can respond, you shake your head, cutting him off before he can offer an explanation. "It doesn't matter," you say, your voice tinged with resignation. "I hope she was everything you ever wanted, everything you couldn't find in me."

With that, you turn on your heel and walk away, leaving Riki standing alone at the school gates, the weight of your words echoing in the empty space between you.

As you take your seat next to Jay in class, the sour look on your face doesn't go unnoticed by him. Concern etches his features as he turns to you, his eyes narrowing with worry.

"What's wrong, Yn?" he asks, his voice low and filled with concern.

You hesitate for a moment, unsure if you want to share your troubles with him. But the words spill out before you can stop them, and you find yourself recounting the encounter with Riki on your way to school.

"He walked me to school," you say, your voice tinged with bitterness. "Like everything's fine and we're still together."

Heeseung and Kai overhear your conversation and begin to tease you mercilessly, their laughter filling the air as they poke fun at your discomfort. But Bahiyyih quickly intervenes, shooting them a stern look that silences them instantly.

Jay leans in closer to you, his expression softening with understanding. "Maybe he's being genuine, Yn," he says, his voice gentle and reassuring. "You know how much he cares about you. And besides, he came over to our dorm last night to talk. He seemed really sincere."

You chew on your bottom lip, the weight of Jay's words sinking in as you contemplate the possibility that maybe, just maybe, there's still hope for you and Riki. But despite the flicker of optimism that blooms within you, you can't shake the lingering doubt and uncertainty that clouds your heart. Only time will tell if Riki is truly genuine in his intentions, and whether or not you're willing to take the risk of trusting him again.

As you return to your apartment, the events of the day swirling in your mind, you're surprised to find the familiar scent of your favorite flowers wafting through the air. Your heart skips a beat as you step inside, your eyes widening in disbelief at the sight before you.

The entire apartment is adorned with bouquets of your favorite flowers, their vibrant colors filling the room with a sense of warmth and comfort. And lying on the couch, nestled among the blooms, is a beautifully wrapped gift with a note attached.

Your hands tremble slightly as you pick up the note, your heart pounding in your chest as you read Riki's words. In the letter, he pours his heart out to you, apologizing for his past mistakes and expressing his sincere desire to make things right. He promises to do whatever it takes to earn back your trust and forgiveness, begging for another chance to prove himself to you.

My Dearest Yn,

As I sit down to write this letter, my heart is heavy with regret and longing. I know that I've hurt you in ways that words can't even begin to express, and for that, I am truly sorry. I never meant to cause you pain, and yet, my actions have led us down a path filled with heartache and uncertainty.

I want you to know that I've spent countless nights lying awake, haunted by the memories of our time together and the mistakes I've made. I've replayed our conversations in my mind a thousand times over, wishing I could turn back the clock and make things right. But no matter how hard I try, I know that I can never undo the hurt that I've caused you.

And yet, despite everything, my love for you remains unchanged. You are the light that guides me through the darkness, the warmth that fills my soul with hope. I can't imagine a life without you in it, and the thought of losing you terrifies me more than anything else in this world.

I know that I don't deserve your forgiveness, that I've broken your trust in the worst possible way. But I'm willing to do whatever it takes to make things right, to earn back the love and respect that I've lost. I promise to be honest with you, to communicate openly and honestly, and to never take your love for granted again.

Please, Yn, give me another chance to show you how much you mean to me. I know that words alone can't heal the wounds that I've inflicted upon your heart, but I hope that with time and patience, we can find a way to move forward together, stronger and more resilient than ever before.

With all my love,

Riki

Tears prickle at the corners of your eyes as you read his words, the weight of his sincerity washing over you like a tidal wave. Despite the pain and uncertainty that still lingers in your heart, a small part of you can't help but be touched by his gesture, by the lengths he's gone to show you how much you mean to him.

But as you look around the empty apartment, the absence of Riki's presence casting a shadow over the room, you can't shake the feeling of unease that settles in the pit of your stomach. Will he keep his promises this time, or is this just another empty gesture meant to placate you?

With a heavy sigh, you set the letter aside and reach for the gift, the weight of it heavy in your hands. Whatever happens next, you know that the road ahead will be long and difficult.

As you carefully unwrap the gift from Riki, your heart flutters with anticipation, unsure of what lies within. With trembling hands, you peel back the layers of paper, revealing a beautifully crafted wooden box nestled inside.

Your breath catches in your throat as you lift the lid, revealing the contents within. Inside the box lies a treasure trove of memories, each one carefully preserved and presented with love and care.

There are photographs, snapshots of moments frozen in time, capturing the laughter and joy that once filled your days together. Each image is accompanied by a handwritten note from Riki, sharing his thoughts and feelings from those cherished moments.

But it's not just photographs that fill the box. There are letters too, pages upon pages of heartfelt words and declarations of love, each one a testament to the depth of Riki's feelings for you. As you read through them, tears prickle at the corners of your eyes, your heart swelling with emotion at the thoughtfulness and effort that went into creating such a meaningful gift.

And then, at the bottom of the box, nestled among the memories, lies a single red rose, its petals still fresh and vibrant despite the passage of time. It's a simple gesture, but one filled with meaning and symbolism, a reminder of the love that still blooms between you despite the trials and tribulations that you've faced.

As you sit with the gift from Riki in your hands, a nagging doubt creeps into the back of your mind, casting a shadow over the warmth and comfort that you felt moments before. Was this all just a ploy to win you back, a carefully orchestrated act of love bombing designed to manipulate your emotions and keep you under his spell?

The thought sends a chill down your spine, filling you with a sense of unease that you can't shake. You know that Riki is capable of great kindness and generosity, but after everything that has happened between you, it's hard to trust his intentions completely.

With a heavy sigh, you set the gift aside, the weight of uncertainty settling over you like a dark cloud. Only time will tell if Riki's gestures are sincere or if they're just another ploy to keep you under his control.

On a sunny Saturday morning, Riki wakes up early to prepare for the surprise picnic he's planned for you. He carefully selects all your favorite foods and snacks, making sure to pack them neatly into a wicker basket. With a satisfied smile, he adds a bottle of sparkling cider and a bouquet of your favorite flowers to the mix before heading out to the park. - After weeks of soul-searching and reflection, Riki sits down at his desk with pen and paper in hand. He takes a deep breath, steeling himself for the task ahead, and begins to write. With each word, Riki pours his heart out onto the page, expressing his deepest regrets and sincerest apologies for the pain he's caused you. He bares his soul, laying bare his thoughts and feelings in the hopes of winning back your trust. Hours pass as Riki fills page after page with his handwritten words, his emotions flowing freely onto the paper. When he finally finishes, he reads over the letter one last time, making sure every word is just right. The next day, Riki delivers the letter to you personally, his heart pounding in his chest as he watches you read it. - One evening, as you're scrolling through your social media feed, you come across a post about a movie you've been dying to see. You mention it in passing to Riki, not expecting anything to come of it. But to your surprise, Riki jumps into action, surprising you with tickets to the movie for that very evening. He clears his schedule for the night, ensuring that you have his undivided attention as you enjoy a night out together. As you settle into your seats at the theater, Riki reaches for your hand, his touch sending a shiver down your spine. Throughout the movie, he steals glances at you, his eyes shining with affection. - One evening, as you arrive home from a long day at work, you're greeted by the mouthwatering aroma of your favorite meal wafting through the air. Curious, you follow the scent to the kitchen, where you find Riki hard at work, surrounded by pots and pans. He looks up with a smile as you enter, gesturing to the spread of food laid out before him. "I wanted to surprise you with dinner tonight," he says, his eyes shining with excitement. "I hope you like it."

As the morning sun filters through the curtains, you awaken to the sound of your phone buzzing with notifications. Groaning, you reach for it, expecting the usual barrage of messages and emails.

But as you scroll through the notifications, your eyes widen in disbelief at the news that greets you. The message is simple yet profound, a single sentence that rocks you to your core:

"Riki quit his dancing job and came back to Japan for you."

Your heart skips a beat as you read the words again, unable to believe what you're seeing. Could it be true? Could Riki have made such a monumental decision, sacrificing everything he worked so hard for just to be with you?

With trembling hands, you dial Riki's number, your heart pounding in your chest as you wait for him to pick up. When he finally does, his voice is filled with warmth and affection, a stark contrast to the uncertainty that fills your own heart.

"Yn," he says, his voice soft and filled with emotion. "I know that I've made mistakes, but I'm willing to do whatever it takes to make things right. I love you, and I'll do anything to prove it to you."

Tears prickle at the corners of your eyes as you listen to his words, the weight of his sincerity washing over you like a wave. In that moment, you know that you have a choice to make, a choice that will determine the course of your future.

#well jesus fucking christ #this is BEAUTIFUL #I've been crying for the past 30 minutes #this is Genuinely one of the most beautiful works I've ever read in my entire life #thank you for writing this and sharing with the world #i feel honored to have read something filled with so much emotion #every single sentence is just laced with overwhelming feelings and i LOVE IT #you describe everything so well I'm genuinely shocked #the plot line is so well thought out #broke my heart #really feel for y/n though GOD especially at the end when she's torn between the choices #as someone who truly firmly believes a cheater will cheat again this had me sitting here staring at my screen completely puzzled #I don't know WHAT i would do if this happened to ME #especially with the love i harbor for riki this just made everything much more difficult #adding onto that the way he acted throughout their relationship and treated her so well up until the cheating #HE WAS SUCH A SWEETHEART i fear that sadly i would've caved at the end #💔 you have me going against my morals op #either this is me showing that im WEAK AS FUCK or riki was actually sincere #girl the trust issues that I have JUST by reading this its like he cheayed on ME genuinely #i fell so into the moment #'what did she have that i dont' HIT SO FUCKING HARD #oh my heart hurts #poor y/n idk like OMG IDK everytime i think abt what riki did it just makes my brain hurt all over again #also I NEED TO POINT THIS OUT AS WELL the 'i know' AS A GOODBYE #fuck what the hell this is CRAZY #made ME feel guilty and im not even riki????#but at the end he shows that he's still devoted to her oh man idk idk making this decision is so hard #💔💔 again this was written fucking BEAUTIFULLY #and yet again a big thank you for sharing this with the rest of us mortals on the Tumblr dot com website 😭#i will truly never forget this fic good lord

200 notes · View notes

januaryembrs · 4 months ago

Text

I MIGHT JUST BE IN LOVE | Spencer Reid x Prentiss!Reader [8]

GIF by fightingdragonswithwho

decription: the FIVE times they hide that they're dating + the ONE time they tell everyone

word count: 17.5k

warnings: blood, gore, usual cm stuff. FLUFF, OH GOD FLUFF. mention of sex (minors DNI in this one), no actual smut but very close to it (actual smut chapter of their first time to come soon), tiny sprinkle of angst because its ME.

author note: WE'RE BACK POOKIES. I'M SO SORRY MY BRAIN STOPPED FUNCTIONING.

previous chapter | series masterlist | next chapter

‘oh god I’m gonna marry him, if he keeps this shit up,

I might just be in la la la la la love’

The one with the revenge.

“This is so against company policy,” Bugsy murmured, her fingers twined in Spencer’s hair as he pressed urgent kisses to her neck.

“Only if they have evidence,” Spencer replied, his brows furrowed as she attached her lips to his fervently. They’d held it together until this point, kept the touches minimal, left the make outs and needy hands for home when they could be themselves without exposing their best kept secret to the rest of the team. But today was different. Virginia had reached an unnaturally hot peak, and the whole team had been forced to swap out their usual professional attire with something more casual. Spencer had forgone his sweaters, which had been a mourning in itself, and instead had been rolling his sleeves to his elbows in some attempt to cool his thick veins.

Bugsy hadn’t needed to voice her opinion of the new look. Spencer wasn’t stupid, and he certainly wasn’t blind. He saw how she looped her fingertips between his, the second they had a minute alone, how her eyes trained on his hands when he drove them home, how she would press a quick peck to the back of his hand in between moments of silence when she had little more to do with her mouth.

“Isn’t that funny, the evidence locker doesn’t have cameras, that’s almost-” She cut herself off with a jolted moan as he kissed over her collar bone, nipping so gently that it wouldn’t leave a mark.

“And you guys say I talk too much,” Spencer said, a hint of teasing in his voice as she looked at him with a gaping mouth, learning very quickly that Spencer was a downright menace when they were sneaking around, the boy who never broke the rules, who ironed his socks and folded his underwear almost devilish at the idea of doing something in secret.

She pinched his bottom cheekily, and he jumped slightly, only to find her giggling to which he cut her off with an even harsher kiss.

She was addictive, which was a strong claim to be made by a man like him. Yet he found himself thinking everything about her lips was laced with a toxin he couldn’t keep away from, like he’d had a taste of fresh air and couldn’t be without or he’d begin to turn bluer than Violet Beauregarde. He’d found the golden ticket, the key to the factory. For once in his life, Spencer Reid had come out the other side and won.

Bugsy’s hands were yanking at his locks, their lips sliding against one another, and he pushed to the back of his head that they only had about three more minutes before it became suspicious that they were gone from their desks so long.

And as if some being up in the heavens was sat back watching with popcorn, the door handle rattled as someone entered the room, and the two of them sprung away from one another.

David Rossi strolled in, a fresh cup of coffee in his hand as he sat through his second batch of paperwork, looking for the file from the Milwaukee case to use as source material, His shirt had been unbuttoned, the Virginia heat stifling and he was already starting to regret picking a hot drink over the cold crap that wasn’t even real espresso that Penelope liked from Starbucks, yet he thought he might take anything that would cool him down when he strolled into the back room that was known for no open windows, and the sight of two sweating agents greeted him.

Spencer’s hair was messed from where he must have ran his hand through it a bunch of times, trying to get it off his neck, Bugsy’s shirt was tucked where she probably attempted to cool herself off in the obnoxiously stuffy four walls as they both flicked through separate files, standing about ten feet apart from one another.

“It’s a hot one today, kids,” He said, sliding his coffee on the table and strolling past the two of them towards the ‘M’ section.

They stole a glance at one another, knowing smiles passing between them because it felt entirely clandestine what they were doing.

“Don’t suppose the director would mind if we pulled funds to invest in a BAU swimming pool, would they?” She chimed in, fanning her blouse out because it really was stuffy in there, she had just assumed it was the feeling she got when she kissed Spencer.

“We fuel the jet once a week, what’s a pool between co-workers,” He shrugged, smiling when he heard her giggle.

Spencer pulled the folder he was actually looking for off the shelf, making his way to the exit, watching her eyes shy away from him because they both knew it was entirely obvious when they looked at one another, mainly because his cheeks heated up beyond what he could excuse as being the heat wave.

Yet he was feeling brazen, and maybe a little embarrassed at the way he’d leapt up as she’d grabbed his butt, and with a quick glance back to make sure David was nose deep in the bookshelves, he reached out and gave her ass cheek a quick pinch as he waltzed passed her, hearing her yelp and drop her folder as he did so.

He left the evidence room with a smirk, heading back to his desk and keeping a low profile though he knew she was scrambling to collect the papers off the floor in the wake of his shameless grab.

“You okay?” Rossi asked, his brows raised and watching the girl rearrange all the papers into a neat pile, a flustered look on her face.

“Yeah, just thought I saw a spider,” She said, her voice breezy though her heart racing was anything but. She would have her revenge for that, she swore.

If Spencer wanted to play that game, then it was on.

Two days later, she had all but strolled into work with a shit eating grin, and he knew she was plotting something then. She had been unnaturally quiet on the car ride, had tried to keep her glances at him sparse, though he caught the little smile that tugged at her lips whenever he looked at her.

“What?” He tried, despite the fact she shook her head in refusal, her eyes already sparked with mischief, “What? What’s that look for?”

“Nothing, just concentrate on the road, Spence,” She said, though he heard her toes tapping together with delight, and she sighed dreamily as she looked at him. Though he was under no illusion that it had come from a place of endearment, no matter how much she adored him. Because of course she loved him more than anything, he had no doubt about that, yet he also knew she loved a sweet serving of revenge just as much, and it was for that reason her smile alone worried him a little.

“Oh, nothing, really?” He said with narrowed eyes, though he felt the infectious beam spreading on his face because he loved seeing her happy even if it undoubtedly was coming at his expense, “So I shouldn’t be expecting salt in the sugar shaker, hm? Or a water balloon under my seat?”

“No, absolutely not,” She feigned innocence, reaching over to squeeze his hand in hers with a guiltless expression, “I am much more creative than that, Spence. I’m going big or going home, honey, you should know that by now,”

Spencer snickered, pulling her hand up for a sweet kiss to the back of her knuckles, “I don’t know why I expected otherwise,”

The look of the cat that got the cream returned, and she merely hummed along to the radio. And oddly enough, Spencer was excited to see what she had hidden up her sleeve if it meant he could make her so childishly excited. He thought about embellishing his freight when she inevitably jumped out at him or had a can of worms pop out of his desk drawer, just to have her seem fulfilled just that bit longer.

He didn’t care how much of an idiot it made him look, he was already a fool in love.

Spencer trailed a few paces behind her as they stepped out onto the sixth floor, and he knew she had something truly diabolical planned because she was so brazen as to lean up and press a kiss to his mouth in the elevator, pressing her body against his and letting her velvet tongue slip into his mouth tenderly. He could have slammed a hand on the emergency stop button right then and there, could have devoured her mouth and her lips and her hot kisses some more until he stumbled out of the doors drunken and idle on her intoxicating touch.

He made a move to caress the back of her head with one of his large hands, weave his nails through her scalp to hold her tight to him, only for her to part quickly, leaving his cheeks flushed and his lungs craving more than just oxygen.

“For good luck,” She said with a chirp, a skip to her steps as the metal doors slid open, and she danced away from him with a grin that told him his day was about to be swiftly ruined by whatever it was she had organised.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” He asked with a mildly worried tone, not letting her get away from him too easily as he paced behind her, his lean legs weighed down and skittish by the fact his cock was quickly getting hard at the spritely woman who had him trailing her like a dog begging for a bone. He tried not to think of the irony in those words, his expression conflicted between interested and hesitant, “Bugsy?”

“I thought you were supposed to be a genius. It means good luck, Spence,” She teased through a wry smile as she plonked herself at her desk chair, swivelling around to face him almost immediately, looking up at him through thick, roguish lashes, “Oh! Hotch says he wants the Oregon files done today, pretty boy,”

Because it couldn't be honey or baby or the other nice names she’d taken to calling him, but she could get away with the same name the entire team had called him for over ten years.

Taking a final glance at her face that had chaos written all over it, Spencer held his tongue, looping the strap of his satchell over his head and gently placing it on his desk, his forest hues watching as she logged onto her computer, trying to keep her excitement subtle as she grinned into her keyboard clicks.

Spencer Reid had learned quickly never to start something with that girl that he couldn’t finish. And yet, by a stroke of boldness and lust, he had gotten caught up in the whirlwind of their excursions. He had forgotten in between the soft touches and gentle kisses and soppy exchanges just how hellish she could be when she wanted.

Shaking off whatever that look on her face meant, he rolled his draw out of his desk, the report he’d been half way through typing up laying where he had left it last night before Hotch had told them to wrap up for the day.

Pulling the manilla folder from his desk, he swore his heart leaped into his throat as a piece of thin, lacy fabric had appeared beneath his scribbles of handwriting, laughing at the look on his face when he spotted it sitting there in his drawer.

He’d never seen her wear the satin, red thong before, but judging by the way his mind raced like a gelding let loose to conjure images of her in them, he didn’t seem to find it difficult imagining it. The lining was a gossamer mesh, small posies decorating the front in subtle detailing, but it was the floss-like string that trailed down the back that made him stutter, because there was no way that was covering anything important even if it tried.

He heard a small giggle, and his head shot up to the offender, only catching the back of her head as she hid into her keyboard. He knew his cheeks were already flushing with poker hot flames, he felt them as much prickling and biting with heat, and he swore the shudder that ran down his spine was involuntary when he reached out to brush the fabric with his fingertip, testing the waters to see if there were really even there. Spencer’s jaw had slacked open uselessly, and she made it a mental note to tease him that she had finally been able to render the man who could tell her Thomas Edison’s childhood pets in alphabetical order speechless.

“You alright, Spence?” JJ asked with concern lacing her fair brows, because her heels seemed to have made no sound as she had been walking by, unless they had and he’d been entirely wrapped up in his punishment to notice.

He slammed the drawer shut, loud enough to attract the attention of Morgan who was nose deep in his own report, and Spencer nearly cursed when his thumb got caught in between the pieces of wood, choosing to smash his lips together tightly instead and nod wordlessly.

“Something the matter, pretty boy?” Bugsy asked, feigning naivety as she swivelled around in her wheely chair, and he could do nothing but look at her with terrorred eyes, because he had hugely underestimated her with the can of worms idea. Though he couldn’t help but think that’s exactly what she’d opened in showing him that underwear.

He wondered, in between thinking of excuses to give JJ as to why he had looked so disoriented, if she had a matching set.

“T-tired,” He managed to bleat, his thumb throbbing where the pain had surged up his arm, and it seemed his pathetic justification half worked as JJ shot him wary eyes and a small smile, one that said she would let him off with that dumb response for now.

Bugsy blinded him with a grin entirely cheshire, and she drew her file to her chest as she stood from her seat, following in JJ’s footsteps towards her boss’s office.

“Oh, just so you know, I have it in black too,” She said almost too casually, sticking her head over his desk with a sly pull of her lips, as if she was doing nothing more than letting him know to expect rain in an hour or so.

And he could do nothing but stare after her, his finger still aching from his mistake, begging himself not to take another peek at the divine material sitting just inches away from him.

Spencer knew then, if he hadn’t figured it out already in the seven years he’d wanted her, that he was fucked.

2. The one where they almost get caught on a date.

She sipped the straw with a coy smile, the whipped cream and cherry only making the thick drink sweeter to the taste as he watched her intently.

“Good?” He asked with a cottony mouth and her lips popped off the straw, her mouth exploding with strawberry goodness.

“Gotta admit, it’s kind of living up to the ‘best milkshakes in town’” She replied swooping in to pop the glacé cherry between her painted lips as Spencer took a sip from his own double chocolate delight, not missing the way her eyes lit up as she crunched into the fruit. Pushing her cone shaped glass onto his side of the sticky wooden table, she gestured the straw his way, “Swaps?”

He smiled, because he loved sharing his things with her. He might have found it annoying had it been anyone else because he had always had his things and other people’s things separate. He’d always kept his things to himself, not selfishly or maliciously, merely for the fact he liked having his own things uncontaminated. But with her it was different. Spencer would give her anything she wanted, which included a sip of milkshake here and there. His whole left leg if she asked.

Spencer’s almond curls fell over his forehead as he leaned down to sip the strawberry shake, sliding his own over to her awaiting hands, the cold glass moist with precipitate under his fingers. Yet he watched her, her lips pulling into a satisfied smile as she took a gulp, the two of them staring each other down with sickly sweet, adoring glances.

“Good?” She repeated back to him, and he nodded, a large, broad hand reaching over the table to swipe a touch of whipped cream from her cheek, her skin soft and hot as hell under his advance.

“Delicious,” He said, and without really thinking of the consequences, licked the cream from the tip of his thumb, his pink lips making a lewd smack as he did so.

She watched him with hawk eyes, and he had a glowing sense of smugness as she shook her head to herself.

“You’re not being fair,” She grumbled, huffing and slumping back in the squeaky diner seat, and his hand quickly chased hers over the table, grabbing it into a loving entwine of fingers and palms.

“What’s not fair?” He asked, though the shit eating grin told her he knew exactly what he was doing and she nudged him with her sneaker for it.

“You. Looking like a damn porn star drinking your milkshake.” She said, and he felt his cheeks twinge with a blush as she chuckled, squeezing their fingers together to tell him she was only joking.

“Seems I’ve moved up in the world of explicit professions. First you called me a stripper, now I’ve been bumped up to porn star,” He teased, remembering the confusion that had written on her face the day they’d met. Spencer knew it had nothing to do with his freaky memory, he’d known she was special the second that door had opened, he knew everything Bugsy was committed to memory for the fact he couldn’t forget her even if he tried.

She shrugged, a smirk on her lips, “What can I say, you’re a sought out man. You could charge double if you got Morgan in on it,”

He laughed, shaking his head, “Only double?”

“Maybe throw in a Valentine’s day discount for your loving girlfriend,” She added with a million watt grin, and he rolled his eyes, hating how he could do nothing but indulge her when she was like this.

“Ofcourse, I can't have pretty girls paying for things,” Spencer said, because he was somewhat confident now about flirting with her, knowing it would have the full desired effect and more. “Just out of interest, are we still talking about Morgan being involved?”

“Well, I was going to give him the evening off to spend with his own girlfriend, but if you’re really so insistent-” He shot her a raised brow and she giggled, leaning forward to kiss the thumb that had been slowly stroking the back of her hand, “Always just me and you, honey,”

He smiled earnestly at that, and they exchanged a look that said those five words were much more set in stone than the teasing may suggest. Just them, always. Spencer could get used to that.

She leaned over the table for a quick peck on the lips because as much as she loved him, and god did she love him, they had quickly found they were just as embarrassed by affection in public as the other.

“I’m going to use the bathroom before food comes,” She said, slipping out of the latex red seats, his head following her as she waltzed over to the loo, the two of them looking back at one another with small smiles like lovesick children.

She loved the rhythm they had found, albeit the secrecy. It was nights like this, when they were able to act like a normal couple, when they were able to kiss and hold hands and flirt and look at each other with such heat it should have been public indecency, that she knew she wanted him forever. Because if this was how good it felt in private, she could only wonder how good it would be to tell people she was enamoured by one very handsome, very clever, Spencer Reid. Yet she loved having something for just them. In the lives of people who examined each other for a living, having secrets were like gold dust. Let alone a secret between profilers. That was pure jackpot material.

He smiled into his lap, because he was truly happy for the first time in years. He had everything he’d ever wanted handed to him on a silver platter. He had the girl he’d loved for nearly seven years playing footsies with him while he eyed her lips and tried to analyse just how much she would hate being one of those couples that made out over milkshakes and burgers even if it was all he wanted to do.

Spencer Reid had drawn the winning hand, no cheats or tricks or card counting needed. Just being him, awfully, nerdy, awkwardly him.

He leaned in to take another sip of his milkshake, because they really were the best, only for his contented face to drop the second he saw four people walk through the door all smiles and fancy suits and heels, entirely unaware of what they were stumbling on.

Spencer had never fumbled around his pockets for his phone faster, hitting the call button on her profile picture, which happened to be her asleep on the sofa with Sergio’s feet in her face while Niko peeked out at the camera from under the blanket, because Spencer thought it was possibly his favourite photo of their little family. She answered on the first ring, and he could just see the confusion written on her face before she even spoke.

“Spence, I love you but I’m peeing right now, did you miss me that much-”

“Garcia and Morgan just walked in,” He whisper yelled, cupping his hand over the mic, whipping a look over his shoulder where their friends were standing at the host’s desk, waiting to be served. “They brought their partners, they’re staying in, we gotta go,”

Bugsy’s face tightened, her panties down to her ankles, Brittany Spears’ If You Seek Amy blasting in the women’s bathroom and she wondered, on bated breath, if this was exactly what her life had come to.

“...Shit,”

“I’ll pay the tab and try to distract them now, you slip out and we’ll meet in the parking lot,” Spencer rushed, his brow sweating as he saw the waitress lead Morgan and Garcia’s new beau, Sam, over his way, no doubt towards the free booth next to them.

“Alright, I love you,” She quickly rushed, and he whispered it back, before the two of them hung up and realised just what a miracle it would be if the two of them got out of this undiscovered.

Morgan’s dark eyes lit up in recognition as they neared their seats, just as Spencer grabbed her purse and stashed it under his shirt, dragging her milkshake over to his side of the table to make it seem like he was alone. Not the most convincing of cover ups, but it was all he had.

“Pretty boy,” Derek called, and Spencer faked shock as best he could, though his mind was entirely consumed with whether or not Bugsy’s side of the plan was working out.

“What are you guys doing here, I thought you were taking Savannah to that fancy place on fifth,” Spencer said, his gaze trailing behind his best friend to see Savannah and Penelope too wrapped up in chatting to catch up to the boys. Savannah turned to the woman with a polite smile, excusing herself for a moment and heading towards the bathroom.

Shit. Spencer thought for a moment, watching the stunning vermillion dress trail off to the toilets, and Spencer was convinced then and there they were done for, Shit, shit, shit.

Derek looked a little guilty, “You know how it is, man. We got home late from the case, missed our reservation, had to bring my lady to the next best thing. Patty’s.” Derek chuckled and Spencer smiled fleetingly, though Derek could tell it was bothered, “You here with someone-”

“Pretty boy!” Garcia cut Morgan off, bouncing over in her pretty Dorothy-red heels to where their genius was shuffling out of the booth, fidgeting with his hands nervously. “Are you here with someone, are we totally destroying your street cred?”

“No, no. I’m here on my own, I had a hankering for milkshakes,” Spencer nodded convincingly with a taut smile as Penelope and Morgan simultaneously turned their heads to the two glasses half drunk on the table, before they looked at him with raised brows as if to wordlessly question his alibi, two milkshakes for one guy, Reid? Feeling their eyes on him, he baulked, “Like I said, hankering.”

Bugsy felt like this was some sort of Greek tragedy.

After doing her business and washing her hands in possible record time, Bugsy cracked open the door to the bathroom just enough to stick her head out, eyes scanning the restaurant for Penelope and Derek. She caught Penny’s Barbie blonde hair almost instantly, her sing song laugh travelling straight across the room into Bugsy’s ears and it was then she realised she was with a woman. The red dress spoke for itself, her hair was luscious and silky like she’d popped straight out a shampoo advert, her skin that of a bronze goddess, and she immediately clocked that it was Savannah, Derek’s new girlfriend, which made all the more sense when she caught their hunky co-worker talking to a very flustered Spencer.

The girls had shamelessly stalked her instagram in Penelope’s lair at lunch just that week and sweet heavens was a catch, if not for her job as a nurse then for the toned figure Bugsy was convinced was god playing favourites. She stared at the back of the woman’s head, whatever she’d said making Penelope chuckle and turn towards her, her head pointing right towards where the women’s bathrooms were.

Bugsy slammed the door shut, quickly retreating back into the loo and yanking at her hair in a flurry of white hot panic. God, she hoped Penelope hadn’t seen her, or things were about to get ten times more difficult to explain why the two of them were out for a meal on Valentine’s Day, whilst claiming they were entirely platonic ofcourse. She wished the door had a window or she had X-ray vision or something-

A window. A window. That was it.

Head whipping around, her eyes locked in on the two windows above each lavatory, the stall walls luckily low enough that she could see they were big enough for her to slide through if she was careful enough.

Heading back into the cubicle she had been in, she shut the door behind her, and slammed the toilet lid down to give her a step. Her chest pounded, lips pursing when she cursed Derek and Penelope for possibly the only time in her life, because their date had been going so well. And yet here she was, cracking open a window in the diner’s toilets and she wondered for a second time if this was what her life had been reduced to. But Spencer was worth it, she told herself. She’d crawl through a million diner windows if it meant she got him all to herself.

As if the universe was laughing at her, the second she’d swung the window open far enough for her to pull herself through, the bathroom door opened and she froze.

Flashing a guilty look over her shoulder, her eyes widened in fear as she made direct eye contact with the woman who had entered, her lucious brown hair falling like silk over her shoulder as she stopped in her tracks, seeing the girl clear as day over the top of the stall.

Bugsy prayed, on god’s she had never believed in she prayed that Savannah didn’t recognize her, though why would she. Unless she herself was a serial stalker. Though there seemed to be no hint of recognition in her eyes, just shock horror.

A beat of silence passed between them.

“Terrible date,” Bugsy said, thinking quickly on her feet and Savannah’s face melted into understanding.

“Ah,” She nodded, “Is he a Catfish or is he a pig?”

“Both,” Bugsy nodded with a tense smile, anything to get away from the situation where Penelope could walk in on any moment and catch her in the act. And it pained her to lie, because Spencer was the furthest thing from both of those things.

Savannah rolled her eyes, “Sorry you have a crappy date on Valentine’s day, that sucks. Need a leg up?”

“I’m good, thanks,” Bugsy said, standing on the cistern and yanking herself up, hoping she wasn’t flashing Derek’s girlfriend a nice shot of her ass. “You should try the calamari, it’s real good!”

And with that she’d pulled herself through the window legs first, dropping onto the top of Patty’s garbage bins with a ‘urgh!’, hopping off the lid immediately and dodging a heinously large rat that eyed her up for desert and flicking Spencer a quick text to say she was by the car.

Savannah chuckled with a shake of her head, heading to the toilet herself and hearing a loud bang and a curse from the other side of the wall.

Derek and Garcia watched him look down at his phone with a perturbed expression, “I really should be going anyways,” Spencer excused, his mind reeling at just how she’d managed to slip past the lot of them, though the text only read ‘Meet by car. Window.’ and he could only wonder just what the fuck she’d meant by that.

“Are you sure we’re not interrupting, Spencer?” Garcia asked, and he only shook his head.

“Nope, definitely not. The only date I’m late for is between me and Lord Tennyson,” He said, which was almost too on brand for him that they didn’t question it. Spencer nodded to her date and wished them all a good evening before rushing to the front desk, his card in hand as he asked quietly if they could get their burgers to go instead.

Morgan’s eyes narrowed at his skittish behaviour, his fidgeting fingers that tugged at his shirt, the cufflinks his mom bought him for his graduation that he only wore on special occasions glittering under the swinging, overhead diner lights.

“Is it just me or is boy wonder acting extra shifty just now?” Penelope muttered, her blonde brows furrowed behind her glasses as Morgan nodded in agreement, Savannah returning to their table with freshly washed hands, her lipstick spruced up in the bathroom mirror.

“I was thinking the exact same thing, baby girl,” Derek smelled a rat as Reid took a brown paper bag from over the counter, flashing a swift nod back to them as he all but ran out of the restaurant, his long legs carrying him even faster than usual.

He saw her dusting herself off by his car, and before he could even question what her message had been, she had turned her attention onto him with a spritely excitement and launched up to give him a hungry kiss to the lips.

“I’m so sorry, I had no idea they were coming, they told me they were going uptown,” He said, his expression worried that their night had been ruined. He gripped their to go bag pathetically, and it was only then he realised she was laughing.

“Spence it’s fine, it’s not your fault,” She reassured, pressing another delicate kiss to his face as if to ward off the negative thoughts, and he rested his free hand on her hip, trapping her between his body and the car. He pressed into her, letting himself enjoy the affection a little too much in the cover of nightfall, “We probably shouldn’t be-” He kissed her again, because he couldn’t help it, because it was like the adrenaline of almost being caught together had set his body on fire, “-doing this here though, maybe-” Again, his hand shoving the bag of food onto the roof of his car so he had free reign to cup her face entirely, -”wait until we get home just incase they come looking for you,”

He nodded dumbly, “Probably,” He agreed, though he watched her with those eyes that looked dark in the moonlight, pressed against her wanton hands that clawed at his chest, pulling him closer as an impossible oxymoron to her chaste words, because she didn’t want him to let go of her, not really.

He kissed her again, hard, because his chest was still pounding from the close call and her fingers scraped his waist, the feeling jumping straight to his crotch that was already well aware of how close they had become.

“I love you,” He said with a slight slur, idle from their affection and it was only then he opened his eyes to look at her. She looked impossibly more ravishing in the cloak of night, her eyes sparkling in the street lamps, her lips wet with his own spit, her gaze adoring and soppy and so in love, “I’m sorry if our Valentine’s day got ruined,”

“Ruined?” She said, slipping a hand into his back pocket to grab the car keys, leaning in to kiss his chin gently a couple times, “I get to spend the most romantic day of the year with my very hot boyfriend eating amazing burgers and making out on the couch until the sun comes up,”

He smiled, cheeks warmer than the freshly cooked beef steaming through the paper bag, and he couldn’t resist shooting a hand out to stop her from rounding the car to the passenger side, grabbing her jaw in one fell swoop, lifting her head to attach their lips once more, ‘one for the road’ he would excuse when he let her go, and he felt her smile into his affection. They let go with a sweet smack, and the second they did her mouth watered for more.

“That really is the best Valentine’s Day,” He agreed, swapping the car keys in her hands for the food and walking round to her side to open the door for her like a gentleman.

And that was exactly how it went. Until making out turned into more, more kisses, more intimate, more parts of themselves bared to one another for the first time, and they sat in naked silence afterwards, enjoying each other's body heat until their eyes got heavy and they fell asleep.

And Bugsy swore she would love Spencer Reid with every part of her he’d touched until the day she died.

3. The one with the fake boyfriend.

Spencer was pouring kibble when she screamed. The bag was all but spilled over the kitchen tiles as his head shot up, his entire body diverting to the direction of her yell, and before he even had time to put the bag down, perhaps step over the two shadows that dived for the rogue biscuits tumbling to the floor, he heard her footsteps tearing from their room and into the kitchen.

Because it was their room now. Not just his.

She wore black pants and a tight, white shirt with her buttons only half fastened shut. His eyes shamelessly dropped straight to her chest, a black lace bra staring back at him and he couldn’t help but be reminded of the week before, wondering for a second if they had a spare half an hour before work.

It had been eight days since they’d had sex for the first time, and the two of them were struggling all the more to keep it together. He was like a man starved of oxygen, she was a woman let out of a cage, craving one another more than they had ever thought possible. Because before he hadn’t been given that taste of sweet heaven, hadn’t known every inch of her the way he did now, and Spencer thought he might not be able to ever know anything more intoxicating than how she looked in his bed when she-

He was quick to put his hands over her cheeks as she panted, horror in her gaze as she held her phone in her hand, damn near shaken for words, “What? What is it?”

“Oh god, I think I’m going to be sick,” She murmured, her eyes never tearing away from her phone screen, and he promptly took the device out from her grasp, his hazel hues roving over the bright light.

His lips parted, and he felt his stomach flurry into life as he saw the raunchy photo she’d taken of her lingerie, their shared bathroom in the background and what looked to be a toothbrush in the top of the photo, clearly having been in the middle of brushing when she’d taken the photo in the mirror.

His gaze went to the top of the screen, because he certainly hadn’t heard his phone buzz on the counter, nor would it have been such an issue if she had sent it to him, though he suspected he was the intended recipient anyway.

Spencer frowned, “Who’s MILF?”

Bugsy looked at him guiltily. “It’s JJ.” She said through a cottonmouth.

“You know what that word means right?” He said, and she rolled her eyes because of course he was focusing on all the wrong things, though she guessed that was down to his tented trousers and the rouge that crawled up his neck into the apple of his cheeks because Spencer always found an excuse to cram silences with words.

“Yes, don’t worry, you’re the only one I want to ilf for real.” She said, a hand running through her hair in panic as she looked over his shoulder at the text conversation.

“Can’t you just delete it?” Spencer asked, his eyes scanning the photo again because it certainly would have made his morning receiving a photo like that.

“Not on messenger, not when- oh fuck, fuck, fuck,” Bugsy’s voice got louder with every with every curse, and she ripped the phone from his hand when the three little dots appeared, letting her know JJ was in fact typing. Spencer was knocked from his daze staring at the photo, realising that JJ was a profiler just like any of the rest of them, and she could very easily figure out who that photo had been meant for, “She’s typing, she’s typing!”

Spencer took a deep breath for both of them, his hands resting on her upper arms in gentle motions, “Alright, let’s just calm down, she might just be a little confused, I mean you don’t usually send her photo’s like that do you?” He said soothingly, only for her to let out a small screech, and he saw ‘incoming call from MILF’ written in bright white across the top of the screen, “Okay, I’m begging you to change that name, that is so weird thinking of JJ as-”

“SPENCER,” She barked, handing him the phone, “I can’t speak right now, I don’t know what to say, I’ll screw it all up,”

His eyes widened, ushering her hand back to her ear, “I can’t answer it, then she’ll know we’re together while you look like- like that,”

“We live together, I don’t think I’ve worn pants here once in the past five years,” She whisper yelled to him, the ringing going on only longer with every dial thrumming right to her already racing heart, “Oh god, I’m gonna answer it, I’m going to- Good morning, Jennifer, how’s the oatmeal in the Jareau-LaMontagne household?”

“Please tell me that photo was meant for a guy. Or atleast Penelope,” JJ’s voice was full of surprise, and Bugsy already knew she had her fingers rubbing her eye sockets, “Are you seeing someone?”

“Uh, y-yeah?” Bugsy stammered, exchanging a wide eyed glance with Spencer, “A guy from… a bar! I’m seeing a guy from a bar,”

“Oh, Bugsy, why didn’t you say?” JJ asked with a girlish delight, and Bugsy shrugged before she remembered JJ couldn’t see that, and she had to think on her feet for a response.

“It’s just casual- it’s new and totally casual right now,” She stammered, hoping the lie was convincing enough that JJ wouldn’t poke for more answers. But it was JJ, the same JJ who loved filling Emily’s shoes as big sister when she was away, and ‘totally casual’ seemed to not make the cut for explanations.

“Is he cute, how old is he?” JJ rebutted as she submerged Henry’s empty cereal bowl in the sink full of soapy water, pressing the phone between her shoulder and ear.

The girl’s gaze trailed over Spencer’s face, where he had gone deadly silent to listen in on their conversation. He flashed her a devilish grin at JJ’s mothering tone, and she shyly looped a finger through his belt.

“The cutest,” Bugsy replied, with a small beam, and she watched Spencer’s gaze turn doting and sweet. And that time, she hadn’t been lying.

–

“Oh come on, I want to meet this guy,” JJ said, bringing her coffee cup up to her lips. It wasn’t even that Emily had asked her to look after Bug the first time she’d left for Paris, then again when she left for London, that made her so protective. Moreso that fact Bugsy was a little sister if she’d ever had something close to one. Being the youngest herself, she knew what it was like to live in her own sister’s shadow, a feeling that had followed her around her entire life.

If JJ was missing Emily, she knew Bug was feeling the same tenfold.

Either way, the second they’d gotten into the office all of three days ago after the incident, JJ hadn’t stopped badgering her about her new secret fling she had.

“He’s busy, super super busy,” She brushed her off and Spencer smirked into his book, his desk chair turned away from where JJ leaned against her desk. Penelope’s heels clicked against the BAU floor as she wandered over to them, a steaming mug of tea in her own hand.

“Who’s super super busy?” She asked, cutting in half way through the conversation to hear only half of the story, and Bugsy shied away into her lap.

“Bugsy’s secret boyfriend,” JJ raised her brows at the woman who almost dropped her mug, her jaw hitting the floor as she looked at the girl incredulously.

“Did my ears just deceive me? Have you been hiding something from me, cause you know I’ll hack into your social media before you could even say Barbie Dream House,” Penelope said with an aghast expression.

“He’s just a guy I met at a bar, it’s not a big deal,” She brushed them off, already digging the lie deeper, and she only could hope the reward would be a bigger pay out when she thought back the night after the restaurant.

She’d tell them anything if it meant she could spend another night like that.

“Not a big deal?” JJ said doubtfully, flicking a look at the girl, “Come on, I want to meet the guy who’s the best sex you ever had,”

Spencer slammed his book shut, and twirled around in his office chair with just enough time to watch her groan, and bury her face in her hands.

“What was that?” He asked, his eyes lit up with a boyish excitement as he resisted the urge to smirk at her, because he felt the glare before he’d even seen it.

“Nothing,” She snapped at him, eyes laced with an unspoken warning for him to watch his step because they weren’t stupid enough to ignore his sudden interest in her lovelife, “Don’t you have a report due?”

He shrugged with rosy cheeks, his expression that of barely concealed delirium as he watched her flush under the pressure of his prideful grin.

“You know me, I’ll catch up on that later, let’s talk about this new thing you have,” He brushed off, just as Rossi paced past their mother’s meeting, heading for the roundtable room.

“We have a case, kids. Life waits for no man, no matter how juicy his gossip,” David said profoundly as ever, and the four of them rose to follow behind him like a trail of ducklings. Penelope’s heels clicked at his side, and she cast a quick glance over her shoulder at where JJ was interrogating their youngest agent some more.

“You want the 411?” She mumbled, and the old man sighed, watching the girl's floral hair ties bounce with her pigtails at every step.

“Shoot. Wife number one ruined Real Housewives for me, I guess I need something good,” Rossi said with tired eyes, as Penelope scooched closer.

“Bugsy has a new secret boyfriend,” The bubbly woman said in between a million watt grin.

He raised his eyebrows at her, flicking a quick look back at the girl who looked like she wanted the ground to swallow her whole when JJ pushed her for details on their first date.

“No kidding,” He murmured, tilting his head in consideration how he hadn’t seen the signs, he knew well enough now to know the look of a honeymoon phase. He’d had about fifty of them.

“Still awaiting details on how he looks, but I reckon a quick deep dive in her socials will get me what I want,” Penelope added as if putting together a report on an UnSub, though the tech wizz would argue mystery man was just as much a person of interest than any of the others they went after.

He looked at her for a moment, her chirpy tone almost a dichotomy of the invasive stalking she was revving herself up for, and he nearly stopped in his tracks for a second.

“Remind me to never get on your bad side,” He said, with a serious undertone, shaking his head, “I’d hate to be the guy on the end of your wirey maze, Garcia,”

But Spencer’s smile had yet to be wiped from his face, in fact he thought he might just get JJ to say it again into a microphone because the ego boost was set to last a lifetime.

He promised he’d make it up to her for the annoyingly arrogant attitude he was sporting, but then any man with half a brain would if he’d been told he was the best she’d ever had, let alone one with a brain that had already engraved the sound of that into his hypothalamus.

And Spencer knew just how he was going to say sorry.

–

“Wait, so does this mean that your new hypothetical boyfriend is better than Sean?” Penelope said through the screen as they lounged on the jet on the way home from the case. Hotch’s head shot up from where he was reading the newspaper, and he couldn’t even bring himself to look at the youngest agent before he had practically thrown himself out of his seat.

“I’m going for coffee,” He said before anyone could interject and the sight of their boss all but running down the aisle towards the kitchenette made her throw her head in her hands once more.

“I’m begging you, never make me talk about sex infront of Hotch ever again,” She groaned, and Rossi huffed, clamping his own book shut and shuffling past them to meet where Aaron was spending almost too much time with his head in the cupboard, “Better yet, don’t make me talk about sex with his brother infront of him again,”

“For the record, old man number two doesn’t want to hear about who jiggles your Jimmies either,” He grumbled, and Bugsy carded her fingers through her hair, too embarrassed to look at the two men that cowered in the back of the jet.

“Jiggles your Jimmies?” Blake repeated, her brow furrowing, “At least, I’m not that old,”

“Stop avoiding the question, Princess,” Penelope chided, and Morgan laughed as Bugsy huffed, turning her head away as if she hadn’t heard, “Is he?”

“That’s usually what ‘the best I’ve ever had’ means, Pen,” She snipped through blazing cheeks, and she could feel the smug-shit eating grin coming from Spencer before she’d even looked at him, “Now, could we talk about literally anything else, please?”

There was a lapse of silence where Morgan exchanged a look with JJ, and the blonde picked under her nail, trying to think of anything else to say before she cracked, because it was rare that Bugsy ever sought anyone out so fondly.

And possibly because she knew Emily would need the complete, padded out, full update when JJ inevitably called her to rinse her with details.

“How many kids does he want?” The words fell from JJ’s mouth, not really thinking much about the way Reid’s face was claret red. He had never liked lewd conversations.

And he wanted to blurt out three, as many as possible, as many as she wants and then another one, but he couldn’t because that would inevitably give their secret away completely.

“Does he have a stable job?” Blake chimed in, ever the mother considering if the mystery man would be a practical partner, “Is he gentle? Angry men make for terrible fathers,”

“Is he gentle in bed?” Penelope added, her glasses glinting in the light of her computer screen, “Does he do the thing where he-”

Bugsy growled, half way between a groan and a scream, looking between her team with wide eyes, “You’re all perverted, hedonistic, gossip girls, and I beg you leave this alone before I join Hotch and Rossi in the cupboards,”

“Cupboards are full,” Hotch barked, almost warningly because he didn’t think he could look at her until the subject of her and Sean banging was entirely out of his head.

And they went quiet again, seeming to take the hint that Bugsy didn’t appreciate their poking. Morgan gave her an apologetic yet amused smile as he slipped his headphones on, Blake pulled out a puzzle book, JJ retired to her side of the couch for a moment of shut eye, though her brain was filled with what she guessed Emily would say about her little sister having a real life boyfriend.

God help the kid who tries screwing that psycho over.

Spencer smiled dopily into his book, his hands gripping the leather bound spine tightly, and it was the first time she’d looked at him the whole plane ride. His chest puffed as he met her with a cocky smile that he barely tried to hide, and he swiftly received a kick to the shin for his rare ego.

But he didn’t care, the sting in his leg all but none existent because she hadn’t been too cruel with her chastising, and he couldn't wait to kiss the anger out of her the second they were alone. He loved her temper, loved her fire and the warmth it gave him, and he thought then there wasn’t a single thing about her that he wished to change. Even if the scowl and pout on her face didn’t exactly suit her.

His smile was blinding the entire way home, even when they hopped into his car, and he looked at her with ill-concealed excitement, “Better than Sean?” Spencer asked, hopefully, and she tutted, swatting his thigh.

“Spencer,” She hissed, though his eyes didn’t leave her, waiting for a response, “Fine, yes, better than Sean. Best I’ve ever had, right?”

Spencer all but pranced up the stairs into their apartment ready to live up to his new moniker.

4. The one where someone finds out.

“Can I borrow your deodorant?” Bugsy asked, as she slowly slipped a piping hot cup of coffee onto Penelope’s desk, making sure not to spill so much as a drop over the edge of the cute octopus mug.

“Oh, of course! I always have something spare for my girls.” The tech wizz was quick to fish through her bag for the aerosol, handing it to the woman as she snuck a hand under her armpit to apply. “You ever need tampons, a box of cookies, or prescription painkillers, Garci is your gal. Though preferably don’t tell Hotch about that last one,”

Bugsy smiled, “You’re an angel,” She said, as she sprayed herself quickly, “I left my stuff in, uh, secret boyfriend’s car. If you got a spare bra lying around your bag, you’d really be a life saver,”

Penelope’s eyes turned catlike as she narrowed them at the girl, “I said I’m your gal, not Mary Poppins,” She replied, looking up at Bugsy with a smug smile as she played with the fluffy end of her pen, “So, you guys hook up in his car or something?”

Bug pressed her lips together tightly, wondering whether she could let too much slip to the woman who was known for tracking her friends’ phones like they were damn Sim characters on the loose. And despite their relationship being so top secret, it had been five months of sneaking around. Five months of keeping her smiles and butterflies and silly little notions of just how great Spencer was entirely free from girl talk. She knew the moment they told their team, there would be questions and rumours across departments. There would be prodding and interrogating and paperwork to fill out with Hotch, and they more than likely wouldn’t be allowed to be in the field together.

Which brought her an even more worried thought. What if she was forced to move teams?

Spencer certainly wouldn’t be the one to move, he had practically made a home in the BAU before any of them even knew she existed. And despite the fact they felt more like a family to her than the houses in every country ever had, she would leave them if it meant Spencer could stay.

It was different with JJ and Will. They were together, yes, had been in the field together once or twice, but it wasn’t as if they were on the same team, liable to letting their relationship muddy the waters of worklife. She wasn’t entirely sure what the rules were of relationships in the team, and she knew Hotch would become suspicious almost instantly if she asked; knew she could only lie to him for so long about this so called secret boyfriend before he became overbearingly fatherlike and weaselled his way into her head with those stern eyes and that patient law degree.

She nodded after considering spilling her thoughts out to Penelope, because as much as she loved Spencer and loved that he was her best friend even before he was her boyfriend, she missed girl talk. The same girl talk he had no idea how to navigate, that was a complete mystery to him with its hidden politics and rules that he was convinced were purposely made up to confuse guys so they wouldn’t be able to figure out what women were talking about. She missed having someone there to hear just how Spencer would stroke her hair before they went to sleep, when her eyes were closed and her breathing was slowly evening out and he thought she was already dozing, when she would glance at him through bleary eyes because she knew he would be watching her, his eyes wide and fat with love as he looked at her like he was a kid seeing his Christmas presents lined up neatly beneath the tree. She wanted someone else to know how he managed to make her coffee perfectly, how he would wake up five minutes before her, drag himself out of bed to brush his teeth and cook her breakfast at the weekends, how she was trying harder to stay tidy for his sake because she saw the way he cleaned her messes up for her without complaints or grumbles. Bugsy wanted someone else to know that he would kiss her like she was going to be ripped away from him at any given moment, and that she melted into a puddle at his feet when he asked to shower with her just last week and they got to spend forty minutes under the relaxing hot water, just holding each other close enough to feel every breath and smile and laugh and everything else they ended up doing when they were naked.

She loved having him all to herself, truly. Yet there was part of her that wanted to scream to the entire office the second there was a lull in conversation that she was in love with him more truly, deeply, insatiably than she had ever imagined anyone could be.

Penelope squealed, kicking her legs and pulling her second wheely chair out for Bugsy to sit down in, “Tell me everything, were you in the back or the front? Oh my god were you in the trunk, can you imagine that? Didn’t the seat belts get in the way? What about the handbrake? And the wheel-”

Bugsy laughed with a shake of her head, but she obliged her anyway as she threw herself into the seat, if not for a spare five minutes of relaxing before she started her paperwork.

“Slow down! I’ll give you three questions, tops, and that’s all you’re getting out of me, Garcia,” She chuckled, cracking open her Dr Pepper can and taking a sip of the cold fizz.

“Three?” Garcia cried incredulously, “You’re like a genie in a bottle only you withhold secrets instead of granting wishes,”

“I can make it two if you want, smartass,” Bugsy teased, and she giggled at the way Penelope glared at her, like she was ready to lay one of her perfectly manicured nails around her throat and wrangle her for the truth in a rare bout of Penelope Garcia rage.

“Okay, umm, first question,” Penelope held a finger up, pressing her peach painted lips together because she only had three magic wishes, “What was it like, your guys first time?”

Bugsy smiled, melting inside because speaking to Spencer about how good he was in bed seemed like a little too on the nose even for her, and she’d kept it hidden for god knows how long, “It was good, but not just good in that way. Although believe me it was good in that way too,” She said with a bashful giggle, her cheeks heating on impact and Penelope squealed, “I felt safe, and he kept telling me he loved me, and when we were done he went to the store and bought me strawberry milk because I told him it was my favourite,”

Penelope’s eyes melted into puppy dog ones, her lips pulling to reveal her pearly white smile and she quietly ‘aww’ed at the sentiment, her brows tugging together in earnest joy as she watched Bugsy flick the metal tab of the can lid to avoid eye contact.

“What an angel, who did you pay to find you this guy?” Penelope asked and the girl’s chuckled together. She rocked side to side on her desk chair, mid thought of her very important question, “Alright, alright, next one! Have you told Spencer yet?”

Bugsy froze, flicking a look to Penelope because surely there was no way she could have guessed from that short exchange. She knew Garcia was a hotshot behind a screen, but she would have to be given a spot as a profiler if she’d managed to figure out just from that one question who it was she was trying so desperately to keep a secret.

“What do you mean?” She said, trying to hide the way her throat had run dry, and Penny looked at her as if she had lost a few brain cells in the midst of the honeymoon phase.

“I mean, it sounds like you guys spend a lot of time in your room. Spence surely must have crossed paths with him by now?” Garcia clarified, and Bugsy’s brows lifted in what she hoped was well concealed panic.

“Yes- yes,” She cleared her throat, wishing the stuttering away as she scrambled to cover her tracks, “Spencer has met him, he said he’s a great guy, real baseball whizz,”

‘Great guy’ didn’t quite cut it, she thought with a chiding voice in her head, but she was sure Spencer would forgive her with a small bat of her lashes, a sweet kiss even. She even thought of a way that would convince him just how sorry she was for limiting him to just the word great, because he was so much more than that to her; she thought of an apology, one where he would be so smitten and drunk on kisses and other things that she could tell him he was the dumbest boy alive and he wouldn’t care.

Because she was all his, loved him far beyond ‘great’ and the idea of that alone cut his IQ from 187 to a mere 5 on a good day.

Penelope smirked, like she knew a sudden shortcut in her system, “Remind me to interrogate Reid later about this ‘Home Run’ you’re bringing over for bang bang,”

Bugsy snickered, making a mental note to remind Spencer where he suddenly fell in her lie, when in truth she had been thinking about the time he’d subbed for someone on Morgan’s team. She’d been thinking about how proud he looked, how he’d smiled for days after, how Morgan and Hotch picked him up and screamed with happiness at their younger agent, but she definitely hadn’t been thinking about how his hair had looked sweaty and full of curls on his neck, hadn’t at all been thinking that his face looked that extra bit kissable when he laughed.

If it had been Emily, she might have been screwed. She swore her sister could sniff out a lie from her like a bloodhound to a body. It was why she had always been caught sneaking out, always been caught smoking blunts behind the shed, it was why Emily knew for a blatant fact whether she was really sick when she’d claimed she was too ill to go to school. If it had been Emily, she would have been six feet under for that small white lie alone, but Garcia wasn’t Emily. And so Garcia believed her.

“Oh, third question, you guys are being like, safe right?” Penelope said, with rare concern swirling in her dark brown eyes, and Bugsy sighed with a knowing smile, because it felt like the team did nothing but mother her nowadays, “Because as much as I would love to be an aunt all over again, I don’t think the world is ready for a baby Bugsy,”

“I know what I’m doing, Pen. My IUD doesn’t run out for another couple years, we’re totally fine,” She replied, subconsciously running a thumb over the inner part of her arm where the rod lay under her skin until she felt the odd poking of the device. Spencer had insisted he wore a condom the first few times just to be extra cautious, had begun to tell her the fact sex was only safe 99 percent of the time with an IUD alone before she had kissed him to politely and lovingly tell him to stop overthinking things. However they had run out after the sixth time, and instead of stopping to go run out and get more, he’d decided perhaps they would be safe enough, or perhaps he had stopped caring the second she took her clothes off.

Penelope grinned, pretending to wipe her brow, “Okay, phew. If you ever need anything, I’m talking condoms, lube, maybe you guys are getting it on and you realise you’re out of batteries for your-”

“Ah,” Bugsy winced, sticking her fingers in her ears and hopping out of her seat to head for the door, the feeling that Penelope was toeing the line of boundaries the way she usually did only this time she was unknowingly talking about Spencer, “Thankyou, Garcia, however I’m going to get going, breakfast is calling, and Dr Pepper is not cutting it this morning,” She said backing away towards the door, looking at the bubbly blonde who watched her go with a cunning smile. Because Penelope always meant well, even if she trampled over boundaries sometimes, or lacked the perfect words to say, she always had the best of intentions, and for a moment the guilt tugged at Bugsy’s stomach for being so abrasive in leaving.

“As long as you’re being safe, I am happy to know you’re getting some,” The woman brushed off, whirling around her desk to log into her software, her manicured nails clicking against her keyboard at the speed of light.

Pausing with her hand on the door knob, she looked back at Penelope with softened eyes, a small dose of sentiment trickling into her tone, “Pen?” She said in a quiet voice and Garcia stopped, looking back to the youngest agent with wondering eyes, “Don’t ever change,”

And with that she left to grab herself a coffee, because the guilt of keeping secrets was too much for the early morning.

–

She saw him coming mid way through lunch, Penelope tucked behind Morgan’s desk, stirring a spoonful of peanut butter into her oatmeal pot, steam whirling from the container with a sweet scent. Morgan leaned against Bugsy’s workspace, his arms crossed over his chest as the two of them chattered, Bugsy picking at a punnet of fat, red grapes.

Spencer came down the stairs, his eyes already trained on her the second he’d left Rossi’s office after handing some files over to the veteran agent, and he fought the small blush away from the apples of his cheeks. Because even after five months of calling her his girlfriend, just the sight of her glancing up at him with that look in her eyes had him bashful.

His hand dived into his bag before he could forget, a rare and near impossible occurrence for him only he’d found he had the tendency to get sidetracked when she was around, usually looking at her expressive face when she was talking, or getting lost in the light scent of her hair that wafted over to him, watching the way her hands fiddled with her stationary when she was thinking. Bugsy made Spencer Reid forget things, and it was for that reason he knew she wasn’t like anyone he’d ever met before, not that he needed reminding of it.

“Here you go, you left your deodorant in my car,” Spencer exclaimed, producing a pink can from his satchell and handing it over to her with little thought to the chaos those ten words had created.

Because Spencer had unknowingly just set off a time bomb, one that threatened five months worth of covert operations. Unintentionally, ofcourse, because those five months had been just as hard on him. He had just been excited to see her.

Bugsy felt herself go a sickly colour, felt her stomach drop and the wind whoosh from her lungs at the sound of it and her head whipped to Garcia before she could think to be even the littlest bit subtle, because never had there been a clue about their little secret so blatant and open for the taking.

And as if that hadn’t been the nail in the coffin, as if the small look of confusion that washed over Penelope’s face hadn’t given away the small feeling of puzzle pieces slotting together in that wonderfully big brain of hers, Spencer plonked a drink from the cafe down the street on her desk.

It was a pink liquid, thin and sickly looking, with a whipping of fresh cream on top, and a glacé cherry to make it look extra delicious.

“I got you a strawberry milk as well because I know you wanted one last night,” He said, a helpful smile on his face as he slid it over the table to her. It wasn’t the brand that she loved, or the Nesquik powder she kept stashes of in their cupboards, but he knew she would devour it nonetheless.

And yet she didn’t look at him with that loving gaze like she usually did when he brought her presents. Didn’t throw him a ‘thankyou’ dipped in hidden affection, or a small squeeze of his hand that they usually could get away with because they’d always been affectionate.

Instead, the second the words had left his mouth, her eyes went so wide he saw the whites of her sclera, saw her pupil shrink as her head jerked around to Penelope who sat in Morgan’s desk chair, the oatmeal in her hands shaking as she lifted her dirty spoon to point at the young woman.

“Pen-” Bugsy started with a warning tone, the panic laced in her words that were quickly overtaken by Penelope’s voice yelling, her eyes equally as peeled back wide with horror.

“OH! OH! You- YOU- And the- and the milkshake- and you said- OH,” Penelope screeched flicking her porridge covered utensil like a teacher pointing at a naughty student, and she was quick to turn her attention to Reid, “AND YOU! YOU- OH GOD-”

“Woah, woah, what’s with the yelling, baby girl?” Morgan asked earnestly, holding his hands up in surrender to the woman who had cut through the working silence of the office, some of the other agents lifting their heads from their work to see what the commotion was about. Even Hotch had shot a look to the BAU floor from his office, and judging by the annoyed look on his face as he stood up from his desk, they didn’t have a whole load of time to shut Penelope up before Hotch began demanding answers.

This was it, Bugsy told herself. This was the moment she’d been dreading, when they would be outed to the whole office, not even getting to decide when or what they told the team that could soften the blow of a cover story so huge. The moment when Hotch would likely get her to put in a transfer form by the end of the week with a slap on the wrist.

But she wasn’t ready to leave; Bugsy didn’t want to be anywhere that wasn’t with her team, even if there was a grey area in the rules about what she and Spencer could and couldn’t do in the field.

And so she sprung towards Penelope, a hand grabbing the arms of the wheely chair Penelope sat on, looking the woman dead in the eye.

“Hey, Pen, quick question about IT for you, I think we should head to your office, don’t you?” She said quickly, already rolling the woman back towards her lair with frantic eyes while Penelope hopped between five trains of thought, her oatmeal all but slipping from her hands, “Spence, get the door for me would you?”

“And Spencer- you said Spencer spoke to him- you said-” Garcia muttered on like she’d opened pandora’s box and peered inside to see the great wonders of the universe and returned a madwoman, her words only made more dramatic by the way she pointed in Spencer’s face as he passed by them, his own expression curved into worry as he’d quickly clicked what the tech whizz was babbling about, “BASEBALL, SPENCER- SHE SAID YOU LIKED BASEBALL-”

“Okay, am I missing something or was that an extra dose of weird and wonderful from Garcia this morning?” Blake said with narrowed eyes as the genius boy held the door open and Bugsy wheeled a yelling Garcia down the hallway to her office, the youngest agent with an oddly harsh tone as she shushed the woman.

“Pen, I’ll explain-”

“But you- YOU!”

“Shhh!”

“Something’s ruffled her feathers, I can tell you that for free,” Morgan said, his eyes trailing Spencer as he strolled behind the bickering women, tucking his hair behind his ear worriedly, “That right there was a level nine Garcia freakout,”

JJ’s brow creased, as Hotch headed down the stairs towards the trio, all too aware of the commotion Penelope’s yelling had caused while the rest of the office attempted to settle back into their reports. But it seemed everyone’s eyes trailed after the three agents heading towards Penelope’s office, watching the car crash of a moment through the freshly cleaned windows as Pen tried speaking, though yelling may be a better term for it, and Bugsy barked at her to calm down.

“What’s level ten?” The blonde asked, her arms crossed over her chest, and Morgan shook his head.

“You don’t wanna know,”

–

“YOU TWO ARE SEXING LIKE BUNNIES AND YOU DIDN’T TELL US?” Penelope all but yelled the second Spencer shut the door behind him, and Bugsy ran a hand over her face out of embarrassment, her cheeks hot and painfully tingly.

“Penelope, would you please keep your voice down, okay, this isn’t a big deal-” Spencer tried to interject, his palms out in a non threatening manner like level nine Garcia was an unsub they were trying to subdue. The older woman looked at him wide eyed, as if he’d just told her the sky was falling, and her mouth dropped in aghast.

“Not a big deal- NOT A BIG DEAL? Spencer Reid, two of my best friends are screwing around in his car- your car- and you mean to tell me to calm down?” Penelope shrieked, and Spencer wondered for a moment if he was getting yelled at or she really was just that shocked, “I mean, this is groundbreaking, like more groundbreaking than the Anniston-Pitt-Joley affair, you guys are messing around right under our noses- this is like the talk of the century-”

“W-we’re not just messing around, Garcia,” Spencer spluttered, scratching at his neck awkwardly, “I mean not that that stuff isn’t great, cause, god, of course it is,” He looked at Bugsy who smiled with an unnatural shyness, rubbing at her mouth with an anxious touch, “But it’s not just that, I really-really love her,”

Bugsy thought she might have just melted on the spot there and then as she looked at him over her shoulder, a meek simper spreading across her face and she flicked a look back to Penelope with pleading eyes.

“I know it’s a lot to take in, and I know it's sudden,” She said quietly, and for once Penny listened, because it was like the air had shifted to accommodate the gooey feeling of love between the youngest agents, “But he’s right, it’s not just fooling around, Pen, we’re just being us. And we wanted to keep it that way a little while,”

If there was one thing about Penelope that Bugsy knew would tug on her heart strings, was that Pen, at her core, was a romantic. She gushed over the kisses in the rain, the soppy proposals, the cheesy love confessions. And judging by the way her horror seemed to have melted away, she was entirely right, because it left behind a sparkly look in her eye that flicked between the two of them, like she was a kid watching the prince get the princess for the first time all over again.

“Wait, so you guys are like, in love love, like wedding bells and a white picket fence with kids in the yard and all that?” Bugsy grinned, feeling Spencer’s arm lay over her shoulder, pulling her close to his side, and in a rare moment of PDA, she looked up at him with the full extent of her adoring gaze.

“I’m vetoing the white fence, but I guess so,” She said with crude humour, and he smiled down at her, raising his brows and almost instantly they’d flung back into how it was when it was just the two of them at home.

“Vetoing the fence? How are the kids going to play in the yard, we’ll be raising a small horde of them,” He quipped back, and she laughed, burying her face in his chest as Penelope watched with fascinated interest how they fit together the same way they always had and yet now they were suddenly different. Glowing. Golden.

“I was thinking more of a flock but okay-”

“Are you kidding me?” Pen interjected, her tone exasperated and sweet, besotted with the sight of the youngest agents poring over one another unapologetically and she felt like slapping herself silly because how had they not noticed before. “I take it back, you guys aren’t Pitt and Joley, you’re- you’re William and Kate, you’re Neeson and Richardson, you’re just,” She sighed dreamily as the two of them glanced at her with coy smiles, entirely exposed in their sickeningly loved up stupors, “Meant to be,”

They looked at eachother, because Pen had hit the nail on the head, the fact they’d danced around one for so long that it felt like they had always been made for one another the second they’d kissed that day in her room. Bugsy couldn’t imagine a life without Spencer in it, didn’t think she started existing really until he came knocking on her door in search of a translator. Spencer never believed in god or heaven or angels, but he knew whatever it was that had sent her to him when he was ten feet below his rock bottom, was something even a man so smart as him couldn’t explain.

Bugsy grinned toothily at the tech whizz, pointing a reprimanding finger in her direction, “You can’t tell Morgan, this is top secret,”

Penelope’s mouth dropped its smile almost instantly in moral offence, “Wait, what? But I always tell big daddy everything,”

Spencer face scrunched in bafflement, his lips moving before he could stop them; “Big Daddy?”, whilst Bugsy brushed off the nickname almost too unsurprised at the woman’s words.

“Please, Pen, pleeeease,” She begged, her eyes round and wide with a pleading expression that made her seem ten years younger, and Penelope looked like she was ready to crack within mere seconds , “We’ll tell everyone soon, I promise, just please give us a few more weeks to figure things out,”

And Garcia showed signs of crumbling. Not that Spencer could blame her, because Bugsy could get anything she wanted from people when she really tried. He liked to think of it as her sixth sense, sometimes wondered if she had some sort of mind control over him that she hadn’t told him about because he seemed to bend and sway to her whims almost too easily, and it was almost comforting to see Garcia facing the same struggle as she huffed, turning away from the puppy eyes that stared into her soul.

Penelope sighed, pouting a little at the fact she’d been given an explicit instruction to hide something from Morgan, the very idea of which setting her in a dampened mood. Yet she glanced back at the two agents that held onto each other like they were awaiting lottery results, their imploring eyes trained on her and patiently holding out for a response, knowing she was the only person in the whole world who had the power to put an end to their hypothetical romcom montage they’d been swept up in for months. She bet to herself for a moment that they would have some kind of cheesy seventies or eighties hit playlist running behind all of their hidden moments and secret affections, might have Cindi Lauper’s Time After Time running when they had their first kiss, She’s Always a Woman by Billy Joel when they danced in the kitchen at breakfast.

Penelope Garcia was nothing but a hopeless romantic, and it was for that reason that she rolled her eyes with a wry smile, and Bugsy’s chest deflated with relief, her expression lighting up with joy, that Spencer was quick to replicate.

“What would you kids ever do without me?” Garcia said with a dramatic huff, and Bugsy all but threw herself at the woman, grabbing her in a tight hug, squeezing her so hard she nearly popped a pom pom out of her hair.

“Oh, thankyou, thankyou, thankyou, I swear we’ll make it up to you, anything you want,” Bugsy said, her words flooding together with excitement as she buried her face in the woman’s blonde curls, “I swear, it’ll be a few weeks tops,”

And with just a few more minutes of Penelope squealing over the sight of them holding hands, nearly fainting from joy when Spencer tucked Bugsy’s hair behind her ear lovingly with an adoring gaze, their secret was safe again. For a matter of a few weeks, that was.

5. The one where he gets shot.

“We’ve got the suspect headed into El Lobito’s diner,”

“Copy that, we’re on our way,” The sheriff reported, his radio sounding out as he approached the group where they stood around their table crammed full of suspect profiles. “We got him,” He said with a trace of relief, the preacher that had been murdering the prostitutes he pimped out finally within their grasp.

Bugsy nodded, checking that her gun was holstered and reaching for her vest when Hotch put a hand out towards her, “Prentiss, I want you here with Rossi and I coordinating response here. Blake and Reid, you go with the sheriff to meet Morgan and JJ at the diner,”

She opened her mouth to protest, maybe to exclaim that she was one of the best shots on the team, that there was nothing more that she could do here than if she was out in the field with the others, but Hotch’s word was always final, and she knew protesting on such a time constrained operation would only end in her unit chief giving her a timeout on the naughty step.

So, instead, she bit the inside of her cheek, silenced whatever protest she was going to give because she knew he hated hearing her whine, and within a moment everyone seemed to jump at their orders.

She caught Spencer’s eye as he trailed behind Blake, wishing now more than ever things could be different, because a horrible feeling settled in her gut like a rotten fruit, churning her stomach with horrid thoughts that Spencer was heading straight for the line of fire and she couldn’t so much as give him a hug without it seeming odd.

She wished more than ever she could grab him in a kiss that Hotch would pretend to not see, that he would understand because the entire team fretted over one another when the cards were dealt and the guns were loaded, wished she could tell Spencer over and over that he needed more than anything to make it back to her safely because she wouldn’t know what to do with all the love she had for him if he wasn’t there to take it.

Except she couldn’t. Not here. Not so public.

So instead she flashed him a nod that said a million words and more. I love you, I love you, I love you Spencer Reid. Come back to me because I love you more than life itself, Spencer Reid.

And Spencer got the message, the exchange looking like a plain tilt of the head between coworkers, as he strolled out of the precinct, checking his gun was loaded in his holster.

His eyes read clear back to her what his reply was, though maybe it was just their spidey sense working overtime, she could have swore she read his mind in the split second that their gaze met.

I’ll try. I’ll try with everything to come back to you.

–

“Copy that, two of ours, three of theirs,” Cruz said with little to no inflection as he held out the speaker phone to the middle of the room, and Bugsy felt her breath catch in her throat as she waited for Alex to go on, “Any casualties?”

“One,” She replied, and the Prentiss woman felt her head go funny at the sound of it, “Coleman. Morgan has a superficial wound to his shoulder, little winded from getting shot in the vest but Reid is..”

Blake trailed off, her throat choking up with emotion as she watched the boy be loaded onto the stretcher into the back of the ambulance.

“What?” Hotch pressed, and Bugsy would have to thank him later because she could have sworn words had failed her by now.

“Reid’s been hit in the neck,” She felt her legs go numb, the world spinning around her like someone was playing a cruel joke on her, like she was falling down, down, down into the rabbit hole, down into wonderland, where Spencer was hurt, badly, and she hadn’t been there to stop it. “It’s looking… bad,”

Hotch flicked a glance at her where they stood in the precinct, and it was only then she realised all the air had whooshed from her lungs in what she suspected had been something between a gasp and a ‘no’, though she couldn’t say for sure because her hearing had been knocked clean from her, a high pitched whine of white noise ringing in her ears, like she’d knocked the signal from a TV, like her brain had been filled with static the second Blake’s voice floated through the phone.

“Bugsy,” It sounded underwater, and suddenly it was too difficult to swallow, until she realised the feeling was that she might just throw up, and she stepped towards the precinct door in some sort of haze, rustling around her pockets for the keys to the SUV, “Bugsy, wait!”

There was a hand on her shoulder spinning her around as she was hit in the face with cool air, and suddenly Hotch was there, his umber eyes full of concern, Rossi not too far behind him, and it took her Unit Chief all of one swipe to snatch the keys from her.

“I- We have to go, Hotch- we have to see him,” She babbled, and she was surprised at the fact she didn’t feel like crying. She expected to feel the burn behind her eyes, the tingling and tightness in her throat, only to come up blank. Like her body had taken a back seat, her head working on autopilot because she needed to see spencer for herself, “They need to know he can’t have any narcotics- I need to make sure it’s on his sh-sheet,”

Her teeth were chattering. It was the middle of July, why were her teeth chattering?

“I know, I know, he’s in good hands,” Hotch said, in a way that told her he wasn’t being Hotch, that right now he was Aaron. He put a hand on her shoulder, the size of it dwarfing her and he looked at her like he was explaining to Jack why he couldn’t have chocolate before bed, “I know, we’ll go tell them right now, honey. Just let me drive the car.”

She nodded without really hearing him, and Rossi opened the front passenger seat door for her, a grandfather’s hand on her back that helped her up into the jeep, because she seemed ready to take a tumble at any point, walking like her knee caps were made from jelly.

“Has Blake said anything else?” She said, her voice entirely childlike, and David would bet any amount of money that it was the shock. He took a look at her, the way her fingernails were picking around each other already in a bad habit he could already guess came from Emily, and Aaron hopped into the driver’s side of the car, leaning over to grab her seatbelt for her.

“Not yet, kiddo,” Rossi replied, his eyes soft like a teddy as she nodded dejectedly, and he closed the door on her side of the vehicle, opening the back for himself, Hotch mother henning over her.

Aaron had expected her to worry, god knows he was well aware that Spencer and Bugsy struggled to function when they weren’t close by. He chided himself for splitting them up, yet he’d thought he was doing his best keeping his team in two equal sized groups both in the field and in the precinct. With JJ’s suspicions of a mole in the police force, Hotch and Rossi needed back up just as badly as the others. And god forbid he had selfishly tried to watch over her. Not because he didn’t think she was capable, but because he wouldn’t be able to live with himself if something happened while he’d sent her after an UnSub.

He knew it was wrong to pick favourites, and truthfully if he had to he’d say, his whole team meant something like family to him. But Bugsy was the youngest, the baby if you would, she was mellower than she liked to pretend she was, and she’d carved a small soft spot in his side that he would struggle to get rid of.

Only now Reid was down, and with him went Bugsy.

Hotch started the car, quickly navigating his way to the hospital where he knew his team would more than likely already be racing towards in the same state of panic. He caught the way her knee thudded on the carpeted floor, where she tapped her ankle and it took a small glance to his right to see her chewing at her cuticles silently.

“Bug, he’s in good hands,” He repeated, and she nodded though she didn’t seem to really be listening, “He’s going to be alright,”

Yet part of Aaron felt like he was telling himself that as much as he was telling her. Because if something happened to Reid, he didn’t think any of them would be the same again.

–

Blake heard her before they saw her, the way Hurricane Bugsy usually went.

“I swear to god, you had better let me through this door right now, or I will have your superior on speed dial by the end of the week-” She snapped, her panic quickly turned vitriol anger as the desk assistant who tried blocking her way into the critical unit looked at her somewhat mortified that his job was walking along a fine line.

Hotch and Rossi had gone straight to where Morgan sat resting in a separate ward, trying to gather more information about the shooter since Morgan had seen the UnSub first hand.

Blake’s head shot up, the wetness around her lashline stinging with guilt as she watched the youngest agent tear through the waiting room as if looking out for blood. Alex was out of her seat on shaking legs, heading towards the girl who she knew would go down in a blur of swings and insults for Spencer Reid.

“Bug, honey, hey,” Alex’s tone was motherly, as were her soft hands that she placed on the girl’s shoulders, and it didn’t become clear that the source of distress was from a place of fear instead of anger until the girl whipped around to face the voice, and Blake saw the redness rimming her eyes where she had forced the weeping away, likely putting on a brave face and high walls to stop the real emotion swirling inside her.

Bugsy looked at the older woman, and that was all it took for her lip to quiver. It didn’t help that Alex threw her arms around her, pulling her in for a soft hug, one she had never gotten from Elizabeth Prentiss, one she had been craving her whole childhood, a mother that held her tight and told her she was going to be okay.

“What happened?” She said, the sob crawling up her throat, bleeding into her words and muddying them with tears, and Alex had to swallow thickly to keep down the wail that pressed tight against her tongue, “What happened?”

“He pushed me out the way,” She said with a shaky voice, and it took everything inside herself not to cry right there with her. “UnSub was aiming right for me, Spencer grabbed me and pushed me out the way. By that point it was too late, he’d already pulled the trigger, I’m so sorry honey,”

“Don’t be s-sorry,” She hiccuped pathetically, clinging onto Blake like she was her only lifeline, perhaps the only thing keeping her standing, “I’m glad you’re okay, I was s-so worried,”

Alex nodded, knowing she might just start crying then and there with the youngest agent if she were to open her mouth, and instead she chose to press a delicate kiss to her temple, hoping it would have to do since the infamous Emily Prentiss wasn’t there to comfort her sister. She seemed to quieten down enough in the embrace that Alex could pull away, her hands still on the girl’s shoulders.

“I was just doing a crossword if you wanted to join me?” Alex said, which was a half truth since she had been too bothered to get past even the first three clues, and Bugsy nodded, her mind immediately spewing a million mornings of her and Spencer fighting for space at her desk to do the daily crossword.

She couldn’t think like that, couldn’t think of him as if he was gone. Because he wasn’t, he was simply down that hallway, in the hands of surgeons who could slash his throat if they made even the smallest of nicks wrong-

“Yeah, I would like that,” Bugsy nodded with a sniffle, wiping her cheeks with her cuff, feeling pathetic and entirely regretful for bursting into the waiting room with a million emotions and no idea which one to feel first.

She had never been good at putting a name to how she felt, only this time, if Alex were to ask her, she knew she would say she felt guilt. Guilt for not being there to help them, for hiding things from them for almost seven months now, for not telling Spencer she loved him more, not reminding him every second of every day, guilt that everyone was hurting over Spencer taking a knock and yet she was the only one who couldn’t smush it down into a box and put on a brave face.

Because she couldn’t even if she tried. The trojans had a horse, Rocky had Creed, and she had Spencer. She was all mouth and courage and stone faced until it came to him. He was her Achilles Heel.

She looked over Alex’s shoulder, pointing at seven across, and sighed with the horrific irony of the clue. A feeling of deep regret and remorse.

“Contrition” She said, slumping into the chair as Alex penned the answer in with a wobbly lip.

It was going to be a long night.

–

Hotch found her by the vending machine, looking between the Dr Pepper and the Full Fat Coke like one of them would be able to tell her how to feel. She knew he was waiting for her, knew they had a job to do, but she couldn’t make herself move. She felt like the hospital linoleum had claimed her as its own, like she had melted into the squeaking surface until further notice.

He was out of surgery by now, already in his room resting. It was just a matter of waking up really, and then they would see how bad things were, though by the sounds of it the doctors had hopes for a miraculous full recovery.

Two centimetres to the right and it would have been an entirely different story, that’s what the surgeon had said. She was two centimetres away from losing the person she loved more than she ever knew was possible, the man she wanted to spend the rest of her life with.

She thought for a second then, that if Spencer proposed the second he woke up she would probably say yes. Because she’d said it herself, her life had never been her life until it had him in it.

“Bugsy,” Hotch tried, but her head had turned down, her chin pressing into her collar and it was then her shoulders began shaking, “Bug, come on, he’s going to be okay,”

She shook her head, biting down hard on her lip to stop a whimper of raw pain coming out, “I should have been there, I could have stopped it, I could have covered him,” She mewled, feeling him wrap a hand around her shoulder, and it was only then he tugged her towards him, letting her whimper into his chest as she clung onto him.

“I know, I know it’s hard, but he’s going to make a full recovery,” He said in that cotton soft, loving tone usually reserved for Jack when he woke up from nightmares, “None of this was your fault, sweetheart, you have to know that-”

“I can’t do this without him, Hotch,” She said, pulling away just enough to look him in the eyes, and it pained him more than he’d ever admit to see her look so distraught. Memories of when Emily left flooded him and he felt all over again the painful shell she’d crawled into make an appearance, “I can’t,”

It was a beg, a plea for mercy, a cry for help, and he could do nothing but nod, because he understood. If any of his team died, his team who he loved like a family, he thought he would crumble all the same.

Only he knew it was different. He’d always known, deep down, why it was different for them. He saw the way Spencer had always looked at her, how damaged and tormented Bugsy’s eyes were as she looked at him now. And he knew.

“I know, honey,” He said soothingly, stroking hands over her cheeks to dry them for her, because he couldn’t stand to see her so sodden with tears, “But you know what? You’re going to pick yourself back up until Reid gets better, because we have an UnSub to catch-”

“Hotch, I can’t,” She shook her head, but Hotch only pulled her closer, his eyes boring into hers with more affection than her father had ever shown her. “I can’t-”

“Yes, you can. You know why?” He asked, and she went quiet, shaking her head with a pitiful sniff, “Because I have never once stopped believing in you, even when you hated me, even when you had a damn building dropped on you, even when you were a reckless kid running away from your own wedding, I never stopped thinking that you were the bravest person I’ve ever known. And Spencer never stopped believing in you either,”

Her throat closed up all over again, her eyes wide and threatening to wash her skin with tears all over again as she nodded timidly.

“Okay?” Hotch said, and she nodded again. He rooted around his blazer pocket for a handkerchief, passing it off to her before he reached for the top button of her shirt. He unbuttoned it with a gentle thumb, poofing her neckline out so she could breath a little better through her dying cries, “Why don’t we get that collar loosened a little for once, huh? Get you a soda, and then we’re going to make this son of a bitch pay for what he did to Reid,”

Bugsy nodded again, feeling a hundred percent better the second air got onto her throat, and she saw glimpses of what he was like as a dad. Part of her wished then that things would have been different, that maybe she would have had a dad like him, one that knew how to fix things. One that knew just what to say to make her smile.

He produced a five dollar bill, holding it up for the vending machine to eat as he turned to her, “Alright, now which one are you having?”

Bugsy thought she might just love Aaron Hotchner ten times more than she already had.

+1. The one where they tell everyone

She swore she had never run through hospital halls so fast.

Blake had called her to update her about Garcia shooting the UnSub who posed as a doctor to try and administer lethal doses of medicine to Spencer, and when that hadn’t worked, he’d pulled a gun on her boyfriend and her tech whizz best friend.

And Penelope had shot him. Killed him. All to save Spencer.

And she supposed she needed to thank Penelope soon, that she would need to get the girl her own bunch of flowers like the ones she’d quickly excused herself to grab while Hotch and Rossi went straight up into Spencer’s hospital room, even when Aaron had tried to wait for her thinking she was having another crisis of faith, she had ushered him along and told him it was bad form to show up without a card at least.

She burst through the doors like a bat out of hell, and the sight of Spencer in the scrubs, thick gauze wrapped around his neck made whatever resolve she’d been storing dissolve immediately. Her face crumpled in a cry, and he barely had time to carefully turn his head towards the door, before she had launched herself at him, the flowers and card she had gotten him from the hospital gift shop forgotten and tossed to the floor.

She would apologise later, because she had ruined his presents despite the sentiment being there; for now she needed to feel him, make sure he was real and breathing and alive the way she’d told herself he wouldn’t be.

“Bug-” His voice was raspy, no doubt having been drifting in and out of sleep for the past few hours, or even if the doctors had told him to rest his throat so as not to affect the thin, delicate stitches. But it didn’t matter much to her, she didn’t even let him finish anyway before she threw herself at him, minding his wound as she wept onto his chest, her arms wrapping around his waist, “Bugsy, it’s okay, I’m okay,”

But she couldn’t even speak, couldn’t even tell him to stop trying to reassure her, stop trying to make her feel better because he was the one in pain. She felt like a coward; she hadn’t even pulled herself together enough to see him before, when he had still been sleeping. The sight of him on that bed, his eyes squeezed shut… she had turned tail and run before she even gave him a chance. Knew she wouldn’t be able to hold herself together on the case if she went into his room and pretended everything was going to be fine the way Garcia and Blake were doing.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I’ll stop-” She hiccupped, lifting her head up to look at him through distraught, reddened eyes, and she saw his face morphing into pure sorrow, his own hazel hues wide with grief because he hated seeing her in so much pain.

And she couldn't stop herself, her hands migrated to his cheeks, steering clear of the suture. She didn’t think of the other eyes in the room, or the fact only Penelope knew, she suspected Hotch might have caught on by now anyway, she didn’t frankly care. She wanted to feel him against her, to know he was still hers.

Bugsy kissed him like he was about to be ripped away from her at any given moment, and had she been in any other mindset she might have cared about the fact she could taste the salt of her tears, that he froze under her brazen affection, or that she surely looked a state after what the past twenty four hours had put her through. She didn’t care when she heard a gasp, or felt stares, only that Spencer kissed her back, possibly the most tender he had ever been, his hands soft and featherlike as they traced over her waist to pull her closer. He tasted like Jell-O, and she thought it might just be her favourite flavour suddenly, because it was all him.

She pulled away with a sniffle, looking entirely sorry for herself and like a kicked puppy, and she was quickly ripped out of her delirium that allowed her to look at him without guilt or hesitation by a loud whistle.

“Now how long have you kids been holding that out?” Morgan jeered, and Bugsy cracked a smile, wiping her face on the back of her sleeve as she looked at her team. JJ and Penelope clung to one another with ditsy smiles, like they were watching John Cusack playing the boombox over his head at the bedroom window, Rossi stood with his arms crossed, a nostalgic smile on his face as he watched the kids he’d seen grow up finally seem like they were at home. Morgan looked ready to tease some more until Blake put a hand on his shoulder, entirely motherly and chiding, and Hotch looked at her and her alone like he was looking in a mirror.

He supposed, for once, the bau had found a happy ending.

@release-your-sweets s @smileykiddie08 @caramelised-onions @the-tpd-bau @stephthepeach @sunflowersndpeaches @sammy-4103 @starmansirius @yeonalie @delusionallooney @hades-disappointment-child @sadbae-33 @mdanon027 @swag13r @frickin-bats @bilesxbilinskixlahey @mindfullycriminal l @mrsbellastyles @nilopillo @imagines--galore @bluejaysaysstuff @imaginexred @flow33didontsmoke @spicyspirit @mywellspringoflife @lovelyygirl8 @pleasantwitchgarden @star-girl-interlud3

@rosylnsworld @jamieolivia27 @halcyonwithletters @waywardhunter95 @ineedtosusoutmyreadinglist @theoraekenslover r @niktwazny303 @bliindmattmurdock @alyeskathewave @littlemadamred @yondiii @cultish-corner @lllucere @escapismurmom @stillhere197 @hiireadstuff @amortencjja @queermaxwooo @telengraph @ivyflowers13 @estrela-rogers @green_vita @busy-buzzing @kitty-kei @universallyblizzardlove @suckstobrlaurie @vxnilla-hxrddrugs @splatteredpurplepaint

#spencer reid x reader #spencer reid imagine #criminal minds x reader #spencer reid fanfiction #matthew grey gubler x reader #matthew gray gubler x reader

874 notes · View notes