#i think this is my favorite syndicate group in the whole game

[saint-bestial]

no but fr getting to the end of witw and expecting a giant guy battle only for it to be resolved with love and tenderness shattered me. subverting that expectation was so much more cathartic than going the obvious route. warframe's recent trend of meeting anger, pain, and sorrow with understanding is sooo fucking good. this used to be a space ninja game but nah this is the space therapy game. with guns.

[clipartdinosaur]

Griddlehark Fics

I have read an absolutely insane amount of Griddlehark fanfics in the past few months so I figured I could make a like...list of all of my favorites that I bookmarked. I'm not sure if anyone will use this but if anything it will be for my own self-indulgence LOL. Just a heads up, this list WILL contain spoilers up to Nona the Ninth, so proceed with your own discretion. Anyway here we go!

(♥︎ = favorite!)

Short (<15k):

"By the Sword" by JeanLuciferGohard (2.6k)

The Reverend Daughter of the Ninth, Necrosaint, Ascended, the greatest bone adept in an Age, does one push-up, and collapses. Harrow does not beg for her cavalier. Harrow rakes her hair back and snarls, “Nav, I am going to unzip your cranial sutures. One by one. And zip them up again sideways.”

"Your Necro Questions Answered" by Magichorse (8.8k)

Syndicated columnist "Nav the Cav" offers a sympathetic ear to cavaliers across the galaxy and dispenses practical, no-nonsense, real talk advice on how to properly manage and care for your necromancer.

"A Lesson in Bones" by Magichorse (3.8k)

One of the laboratory trials at Canaan House compels Harrowhark to swap bodies with her cavalier. What will Gideon do with the power of the most talented bone adept in generations at her disposal? Nothing good, probably.

"Visions of Gideon" by tothewillofthepeople (13k)

Oh my god they were roommates...

"true love's kiss, or something equally nauseating" by corpsesoldier (4.6k)

She was where she needed to be. She was going to pull her necro out of this godforsaken tomb, end the game of musical bodies they were playing, and then everything would be all right. Harrow would be alive. And Gideon was going to give her shit for approximately the next myriad for not just taking what she’d offered and saving them a whole lot of trouble.

"The Big Warm Dark" by decalexas (haelstorm) (2.7k)

Gideon Nav knows how to swing a longsword, brandish a rapier, bridge the gap between life and death, punch the dead in the face, and maybe overthrow an Empire along the way. What she doesn't know how to do is reach for the girl who made all of this possible.

"carrion comfort, despair (not feast on thee)" by NotAFicWriter (5k)

Some time after Alecto wakes, Harrow and Gideon finally have a moment to speak to one another. Hearts are bared. Teeth are bared. Intentions are bared. It all comes at great personal cost (emotional honesty).

"never exhale all the way" by pigflight (1.2k)

Harrowhark paints Gideon's face.

"such an almighty sound" by CountingNothings (10k)♥︎

“I need you to marry me,” Harrow says, a propos of absolutely nothing that Gideon can see. And, uh, okay, this is not what childhood best frenemies say to each other upon discovering that both of their graduate programs have weird residence requirements. “What,” Gideon asks, “the fuck?”

"A Handsomely Dangerous Thing" by zoicite (1.5k)

Had Harrow ever looked at Gideon and felt pride before? Surely not. It sat like a tumor in her chest, a cancerous lump that had grown where it did not belong.

"How it didn't happen" by Nary (1.5k)

"How did you lose it?" Coronabeth asked, more softly than her sister's shrill voice. The group assembled at Canaan House barely knew her, and yet here they were, asking the most irritatingly personal questions, and acting as if they were being kind and thoughtful by prying into her secrets. "I dropped my pen into a vat of acid and reached in to grab it without thinking," Harrow said dryly. Coronabeth recoiled, screwing up her pretty nose. Ianthe looked unsure whether to believe her or not. Their meatslab of cavalier just stared blankly. "The Daughter of the Ninth House was blessed in this manner from her birth, as a symbol of her strength and power over the mysteries of necromancy," Ortus interjected. Harrow glared at him. "Oh," Coronabeth said, an expression of disgusting sympathy on her flawless face. "But then you would never have known who your soulmate was!" Harrow's glare intensified. "My soulmate is bones."

"Halcyon Nights" by Morike91 (10k)

It was hard to tell what was worse: feeling the full warmth of those unguarded honey eyes fall on Harrow, or watching them narrow in recognition and contempt, their warmth now hotter with something else.  “What can I get you?” It has been at least four years since Harrow last heard the voice of Gideon Nav, but it was still as familiar as her right hand. 

"I completely fucking hate you" by ClaraZorEl (7.5k)

In the coming weeks, Harrowhark learns an unfortunate great deal about Gideon Nav. The kind of porn she likes, the number of bread rolls she can fit into her mouth at once, that she always leans too heavily on her left leg when she fights but can do fifty-seven push-ups in a row without stopping, that her biceps rates 11/10 on the scale of good biceps, that her laugh rumbles like an army of skeletons, and most importantly, that she can’t fucking stand her. Gideon Nav is so grating that Harrow has no doubt she will be her undoing. OR Harrowhark Nonagesimus has been invited to Canaan University's ball. But to successfully represent her house, she needs a cavalier, and unfortunately, her only option is her least favourite barista from her least favourite coffee shop.

"A Thousand Teeth, Yours Among Them" by pipistrelle (7k)

"In the end, she poisoned Ortus; so it was Harrow Nova who walked out to the shuttle a half-step behind the Daughter of the Ninth, the chain of Samael Novenary wound about her offhand wrist, the black blade of the Ninth at her side."

"The Only Prayer We Know" by pipistrelle (12k) [Part 2 of "A Thousand Teeth, Yours Among Them"]

It's like a bad joke: two cavaliers (alive) and two necromancers (one dead) walk into a rebel faction of humanity, looking for a new life -- in every sense of the phrase. What they find is each other, and (in some cases) themselves.

"The Flames of Hell Are Warm" by silverapples (7k)

In which Harrow is a repressed evangelical Christian and Gideon performs burlesque in a lesbian nightclub. Feat. nipple pasties, chewing gum, and a steaming mug of gay coffee (wake up and smell it, Harrow).

"Necro Business" by rnanqo (1.6k) ♥︎

“Gideon,” you said carefully, “I will need to examine your mouth. Various structures, primarily the jaw, but also the lingual muscles—the tongue—” You stopped there. Your cheeks were going red, probably with indignity. “Yeah,” I said, a bit too loudly, “yeah, sure. Do it.”

"Holy Cross, Alaska" by softieghost (10k) ♥︎ ♥︎ ♥︎

Harrow meets Gideon. They go through it together.

"my love will be your armor" by TheKnightsWhoSayBook (2.3k)

"The princess has a right to bestow her favor on whoever she wishes to win a match," Gideon tells her. "Are you going to?" "Why would I? I don't want to marry him," Harrow answers bitterly. "Do you want me to win?" Princess Harrow will be engaged to the winner of the tournament, and her only champion is her useless bodyguard Sir Gideon Nav, who isn't going to save her. Unless...?

"The Meaning Of The Word" by pipistrelle (8.4k)

Harrow, along with a good percentage of Canaan University's necromancy students, has the flu. Gideon has a lot of feelings that she is in no way equipped to handle. It's a tough week.

"(i shine only with the light you gave me)" by sashawire (1.7k) ♥︎

God prods, gently, “Even just starting with their physical description, and we can go from there.” “Imagine,” you say, from somewhere outside your body, “the worst shade of orange you’ve ever seen in your life.” * Harrowhark receives her saintly title.

"i will learn to love the shears" by corpsesoldier (4.7k)

The avulsion trial left Harrow's hair in a sorry state and Gideon offers up her expertise with a blade. Or, Gideon gives Harrow a haircut.

"The Titty Texts: A Work of a Stupendous Titty Nature" by EleniaTrexer (3k)

Gideon accidentally sends Harrow boobs. And then just keeps on sending them.

"can we start over?" by breeeliss (10k)

Gideon needs a tutor. Harrow needs someone to get her out of college gym class. All in all, a pretty straightforward arrangement to make with your ex.

"Dark Mode Enabled" by senseoftheday (12k)

Tech Company AU in which a certain Sales bro with no filter decides to ruin Harrow's life (and feature roadmap) by initiating the cross-functional project from hell. At least, Gideon has the decency to work remotely, and Harrow's new office crush makes some pretty great coffee.

"deconsecrated graves" by emotionsandphenomena (4k)

Gideon and Harrow got out of the cult they were raised in. Okay, what's next?

"settle up in heaven" by liesmyth (3k) ♥︎

“Isn’t this arrogance, Harrow?” Kiriona says. “Think you could fix what God couldn’t?”

"Quoth the Maiden" by Sarsaparilla (10.9k)

The bold outlaws Nova Hawk and Gideon meet for the first time on a narrow log-bridge. But is it really their first meeting? Or: what if Robin Hood and Little John were both lesbians?

"twice in a blue moon" by sinshine (8.7k) ♥︎

Gideon snapped out of her depressing reverie and blinked at her. "That's a really good idea." "Obviously," said Harrow, and it was only a little bit condescending. "Step one, sneak out of the party. Step two, acquire the necessary items at a store. Step three–" Harrow gestured vaguely at the deer in Gideon's hands– "And step four, profit." [G&H rush to fix a smashed snow globe that Dulcinea made so that Cam doesn't kill them before the clock strikes midnight at their NYE party. The fact that Gideon is back in her hometown after a long time away and she and Harrow have unresolved romantic tension is secondary and definitely won't be a problem.]

"It Came From Planet Slut" by LockedTombMemes (8k)

Well. Evidently going undercover to an Idan society fling in order to deliver a message to a high-profile BoE agent was a tits-out kind of look.

"Apostate's Yuletide" by sinshine (12.6k)♥︎

Gideon raised one eyebrow comically high. She smiled easily, erasing any hint of the anxiety that Harrow might have sensed. "What's with all the questions today?" Harrow huffed indignantly and fidgeted with the blanket draped across her lap, worrying the frayed hem with her fingers. "I thought your ego would appreciate the interest." "Yeah, but it's weird coming from you. I'm used to you monologuing, not playing twenty questions." "Perhaps it's a Christmas miracle," suggested Harrow, with an expression so absolutely devoid of joy that Gideon couldn't help but laugh. [Harrow and Gideon burn down a church on Xmas.]

"when it's over" by Adertily (2.5k)

Harrowhark had sworn to herself to live to see the girl in the locked tomb awaken. Alecto has risen. Now God is dead, along with everyone who had ever been dear to her - and Gideon has returned as a distorted creature. The war is over. Harrow wishes she could be too. Or: A character study based on Harrow's suicidal ideation and Gideon's determination to never run anywhere unless she absolutely has to.

"Supernova Bloom!" by sinshine (13k)

"It's just for a week, and then you never have to see me again," said Gideon. "I don't have time to find anyone else." And, "Please." Slowly, Harrow took her hand off the door and cautiously turned around. Gideon watched a dozen unspoken questions flicker across her face. She voiced none of them, but eventually settled on an expression of grim resignation. "I suppose I could suffer you for a week." [Gideon needs help getting her new flower shop ready for the grand opening. Harrow needs cash.]

"I still need your teeth around my organs" by sinshine (7.8k)

Although she was a beloved Daughter and a talented necromancer, Gideon's greatest vice was that she dearly loved to fuck around and find out. Knowing this, perhaps it shouldn't have been as shocking when she lifted one of Nova's hands, flipped it over, and kissed her palm. [4 times Gideon kisses Harrow, 1 time Harrow kisses Gideon]

"cuckoo, cuckoo" by sashawire (1.2k)

What Wake gives it is not a name. To do so would be a moronic, unnecessary cruelty. But she does deign to give it the microscopic dignity of a title, a goal, a purpose. Bomb. Eighteen years later, in the rubble of a once-sacred home, Harrowhark Nonagesimus reaches up and touches Gideon Nav’s grit-covered, blood-rimed face, splits a laugh like the world is ending, and calls her “flower.” * Six times God's unwanted daughter was nicknamed, and once she wasn't.

"my teeth will only cut your lips, my dear" by sashawire (<1k) ♥︎

Gideon chomps into her tongue as hard as she can convince herself, stifling a very dignified squawk. Her eyes water, Emperor’s left tit that fucking hurts, but—it works. Blood weeps from the bite marks, creeping down the back of her throat, up into her nasal cavity, staining her teeth. Okay. She has blood in her mouth. Blood that, somehow, needs to get into Harrow’s mouth. * Step #6: Consume the flesh.

"fifteen percent concentrated power of will" by surreptitiously (9k)

Teaching someone to do a push-up is a love language, when that person is very annoying.

"GHAZAL WHERE I'M BEGGING YOU TO TOUCH ME" by igneousbitch (12k)

You had your body and I had mine, and it was a miracle. Your hands against my face were a miracle. The rest of your meat attached to your hands was a prayer answered and a promise broken, but we were flush and gasping and alive, and Harrow—I really thought you might’ve kissed me then. But I felt it happen. The way your breath suddenly stilled, and your body locked up beneath mine, remembering. How with splintering gentleness, you pushed me away. “I’m so sorry,” was the second thing you said upon waking. The first thing had been my name. Stranded in a safehouse on an Edenite moon, Gideon and Harrow try to put themselves back together.

"catch you on the flip side, sugar lips" by corpsesoldier (4.9k)

Maybe if Harrow's brain runs enough scenarios, she'll find a way to keep what she's lost.

"hand to heart, I swear" by corpsesoldier (5k)

Gideon has a broken heart, and there's only one necromancer who can fix it.

Medium (15-30k)

"If you're doing it right you'll break their ribs" by almostnectarine (22.4k)

"How do you know Nonagesimus has gone somewhere dangerous?" asked Isaac. "Have you wired some kind of alert system?" "It's, uh. It's on the schedule," said Gideon. "I just... forgot. Because of the bread." Nobody was convinced by this, least of all Gideon. "It's a Ninth House thing," Gideon went on, backing away with increasing desperation. This was a slightly more plausible explanation, if only because nobody wanted to look too closely at what fell under the awful skeletal-ribbed and rotting umbrella of Ninth House things. "Gotta go—!" And she was out the door, gone. But it wasn't a Ninth House thing, except inasmuch as it was happening to the only two representatives of the noble and decrepit Ninth House on this quite literally godforsaken rock. Gideon knew Harrow had gone somewhere dangerous—knew that Harrow was back in the lab where they had only just completed a horrible trial—because she could see it, clear as day: an awful overlay on her vision of that terrible dangerous room and a pair of terrible dangerous hands drawing some kind of ward next to the plinth. The hands were definitely Harrow's. This was definitely a problem.

"If Home Is Where the Heart Is (Then We're All Just Fucked)" by JeanLuciferGohard (17k) ♥︎

When Gideon Nav gets a call that her ex-girlfriend, who never bothered to change her designated emergency contact, is in the hospital, she goes against her better judgement and responds. Everything after that just gets more complicated.

"blue gray green lavender" by smolranger (29k) ♥︎

Laser Radial sailor Gideon Nav just wants pass her classes, win a few regattas, and keep her head down. FJ sailor Harrowhark Nonagesimus has grand plans to qualify for the Olympics, preserve her parent's legacy, and save her home town. Despite the ties binding them together, the two have kept their college lives carefully separate for two years. But when Harrow's helm, Ortus, suffers a concussion mid-way through the fall season, their carefully separated lives collide. Harrow needs someone capable of taking Ortus' place for the remainder of the season or her Olympic dreams — and Canaan College's entire sail team — are in peril. And Gideon is her only option.

"Daughters of Hungry Ghosts" by zoicite (24k)

Harrow and Gideon and times they have (and also have not) shared a bed over the years.

"Disney World, Florida" by softieghost (24.6k) [Part 2 of "Holy Cross, Alaska"]

After the events of Alaska, Harrow thanks Gideon the only way she knows how: devotion. -- Chapter 3: The journey concludes. More confessions.

"we've got a good thing goin' " by sinshine (14.6k) ♥︎

“Not to sound ungrateful, but being here makes me wish that you had left me for dead,” said Harrow. Gideon had been staring hard at the face of the fountain’s statue. She was pretty sure that it was carved in the likeness of Naberius himself, but she didn’t want to say it out loud and make it true. She shook her head and turned to Harrow. “Leaving me to live out eternity in your bony sock puppet of a body? Hard pass.” Palamedes and Camilla shared a look. It was the mutual understanding of two people who had been trapped in close quarters with the bickering of Gideon Nav and Harrowhark Nonagesimus for far too long. [Team 69 hide out in Babs's vacation home. Because it's not like he's using it anyway.]

"Cake by the Ocean" by zoicite (15k)♥︎

Okay, so the thing was, Gideon had always been shit at plans. She knew that. Everyone knew that, but this--she really didn’t think it would be this hard! Gideon’s voice was like the least memorable thing about her. Bargaining her voice for a well-shaped set of human legs--that really should have worked in her favor.

"careful fear and (un)dead devotion" by sinshine (23k)

[Gideon and Harrow wake up back in their own bodies but both of them are missing large parts of their memory. Camilla tries not to kill everyone.]

"who ya gonna call?" by igneousbitch (24k)

“Fret not, honeybun.” Gideon shook her red hair out of her eyes, belligerent. “I’m not totally sold on your whole skepticism thing.” “Well,” Harrow said, ignoring the nickname. She turned to the rest of the room, clearing her throat politely before addressing the empty air. “Ghosts, if you’re real, give us a sign. Make a noise. Move something. Send a shiver down our backs. Whisper softly into Nav’s left ear—” “I seriously fucking hate you.” - (Casual sex and paranormal investigation. Not necessarily in that order.) (or: the Buzzfeed Unsolved AU in which Gideon is ready to fight a ghost, and Harrow just wants to be haunted.)

Long(>30k):

"Beneath a Blue and Foreign Sky" by zoicite (35k)

Harrow has a decision to make.

"A Heart Full Of Sutures" by Rohad (40k)

All Gideon wanted was to get outside and ride her motorcycle. No part of that plan had included eight weeks in Canaan Medical Center with a broken Pelvis and the meanest little doctor this side of the eastern seabord.

"Midnight at the Mithraeum" by zoicite (66k) ♥︎

It'd been two years since Gideon Nav gathered her wine key and her gaming license and escaped The Locked Tomb, a speakeasy-style cocktail bar managed by the hateful Harrowhark Nonagesimus. Now, dealing tables at The Mithraeum Hotel & Casino, things were really looking up. So when Gideon scored a date with the most beautiful showgirl in the Gilded Halls of Ida, the last thing she expected was to wake up married to her old nemesis and former coworker. The story starts the night of Gideon's date and alternates between the events leading up to the wedding and the weeks that follow as Gideon tries to navigate life married to someone who claims to want nothing more than to forget she exists.

"Between the Devil and the Deep Blue Sea" by pipistrelle (90k)

Being the journal of Reverend Daughter Harrowhark Nonagesimus, chronicling the journey of the Emperor's warship Cenotaph on its hunt to slay an immortal Resurrection Beast. Or: the Moby Dick crossover AU that nobody asked for.

"The Darkest Night, The Brightest Light" by eternaleponine (50k)

Harrowhark has known for a long time that her home's financial situation is dire, and not getting better. She has plans to fix it all, but can't implement them until she turns eighteen in a few months. When her parents announce that the best (perhaps only) way to save Drearburh is to marry off its heir, Harrow realizes the timeline has changed and she needs to take action now to save her home... and herself. Desperate times call for desperate measures, after all. Enter Gideon Nav. Detested foe, and Harrow's only hope.

"putting your fist through a thick sheet of glass (i know you don't want to)" by oretsev (46k)

Harrowhark Nonagesimus and Gideon Nav have always been at each other’s throats, and the animosity has only intensified since the death of Harrow’s parents. But when a car accident leaves Gideon without any memories of her past, Harrow sees a chance at the clean slate she’s wanted for years. Becoming involved in Gideon’s recovery assuages some of the guilt, but as she and Gideon become closer and increasingly involved in each other's lives, Harrow worries that some of her secrets may be more than she can atone for.

Ongoing:

"semi-charmed kinda life" by strangedelight (182k+) ♥︎ ♥︎ ♥︎ ♥︎ ♥︎ ♥︎

Gideon asked questions. Harrow surprised her with answers. They reached an agreement; they decided to be smart, to be patient. Gideon made a promise, Harrow gave her one in return. Wait and see. OR the year is 1994, and Gideon and Harrow leave their small town for life in the city. OR team 69 roommates au only this time it's the 90s

"Intern the Sixth" by apocalypticTaco (33k+)

ADDRESSING THE HEIR TO THE NINTH HOUSE, OR PRESUMED EQUIVALENT: PALAMEDES SEXTUS, HEIR TO THE SIXTH HOUSE, PRESENTS HIS COMPLIMENTS TO THE NINTH AND REQUESTS A FORMAL ARRANGEMENT WHEREIN HIS MASTER WARDEN AND CAVALIER APPRENTICESHIP UNDER THE NINTH FOR FOUR YEARS IN EXCHANGE FOR THE SIXTH’S SERVICES. *Details to be discussed. Please turn to back page. Timeframe variable. Services and agreements variable upon the Ninth's request. An internship of this caliber is highly unprecedented and likely unheard of, but any information valuable to the Ninth and into the Tomb will remain undisclosed upon request; Primary experience and study is required as the Master Warden has already decided upon such being his final thesis prior to his end studies. No takebacks, no denials. Pleased to meet you. Palamedes Sextus, Heir to the Sixth and Master Warden and Camilla the Sixth, Cavalier Primary and Warden's Hand of the Library

TO THE MASTER WARDEN: FORMALLY REJECTED.

"What's Eating Gideon Nav?" by labyrinthineRetribution (40k+)

After a miserable fifteen years at Blessed Saint Anastasia's School for Girls, Gideon's luck finally changes.

"We Have Always Lived in the Apartment" by labyrinthineRetribution (171k+)

John looks up from his Jack and Coke in drunken curiosity. "What's with the face, Harrowhark?" he asks, genuinely concerned. "Contrary to popular belief," Gideon butts in, "her face just fuckin' looks like that, bitch." She tends to use "bitch" as liberally as commas when off her ass. "You're piss drunk," you shoot back. "And you, my good bitch, are just as contemptible as the day you clawed your way up from Hell." - It is Harrowhark Nonagesimus' birthday, and it only gets worse from there.

PWP (basically):

"I'll hold in these hands all that remains" by corvidlesbian (6.5k) ♥︎

“Do you want me to try?” Gideon said. “What?” “You got all hot and bothered without me trying. Do you want me to try?” Their newfound habit of cuddling gets interesting.

"sting of a wasp" by brightbolt, imperfectlyctor (42k) ♥︎

"You’re a virgin,” Gideon said, testing it out. "Huh." Harrow didn’t like the sound of that huh. She knew Gideon’s noises, and that was a thoughtful, sinister huh. That was the same huh she’d made before putting canned tuna in Crux’s work boots. Her eyes narrowed. “What.” Gideon cocked her head to the side. “Is there a reason you’re waiting?” There was no judgement in the question— only genuine curiosity. Perhaps it was this that made Harrow more inclined to answer. “I don’t have the time to look for someone new,” She shrugged. “And my available pool is… somewhat limited.” “Well,” Gideon said, with just a hint of conspiracy in those glittering golden eyes. “If you ever want to change that, you have my number.” What? What? Harrow blinked. “What?” Or: the five times Gideon and Harrow successfully bone, and the one time they don't.

"Suckle, Honey" by zoicite (7.9k)

“You crave my juice,” Gideon accused. “I do not crave your juice.” “Fuck, you do though. You went off to explore that study alone, without your cavalier, using a key that I nearly gave my life for, and then you snorted some powder that made you crave my juice! Harrow. I never would have let you sniff powder from a ten thousand year old jar.” This was untrue--Gideon probably wouldn’t have noticed Harrow breathing in a puff of jar powder until it was too late--but it sounded like something Camilla Hect might say, so Gideon went with it anyway. Camilla definitely would have stopped Palamedes from accidentally sniffing old as fuck Eighth House jarred juice addiction powder.

"Five Times We Hatefucked and One Time We Didn't" by rnanqo (8k)

“Fuck you,” you said. “Fuck me yourself, you coward.” You ran a hand through my hair, fisted it, and pulled my head up. From here I had a spectacular view of your weird blown-out seething expression, like I was the worst thing you’d ever seen. Also a view up your blood-crusted nostrils. Choice. “Maybe I will, Griddle,” you said. “Maybe I will stop fucking you over and start fucking you." Gideon and Harrow realize, abruptly, that their hatefucking is no longer hatefucking.

"a call to motion" by groundedsaucer (coasterchild) (10k) ♥︎

Harrow and Gideon watch a porno.

"put her canine teeth in the side of my neck" by stranded_star (8.8k)

Harrowhark Nonagesimus is getting a PhD and a divorce. Against her better judgment, she goes out to the bar to celebrate and meets an incorrigible, absolutely ripped salt-and-paprika butch who takes her home and gives it to her good. To her horror, it's the best night of her life, and she sneaks home with her tail between her legs. Harrow has more important things to worry about - like raising her daughter and building the next stages of her career. But when her daughter's favorite teacher, someone named Griddle, turns about to be the Gideon she met at the bar, she's forced to contend with allowing herself (and her daughter) to find the happy ending she never thought they'd have. Featuring MILF!Harrow, Teacher!Gideon, and a very amused Camilla Hect.

"The Wound That Swallows" by seelieunseelie (7.8k)

Harrow can make out an uncomfortable amount of detail about Gideon’s body beneath. Powerful, strong as ever, yet somehow vulnerable for its supplication below Harrow’s. “Are we gonna get this over with?” Gideon says in a voice softly scratchy. She blushes then when Harrow sits on the edge of the bed. “It will hurt,” Harrow says. “Yeah,” Gideon says. “I think I can handle it.”

[unknownarmageddon]

tell us more boy

augh okay where to start.

well, one of the main things is that there’s these things called syndicates

on three of the planets there’s these open world type areas. there’s the plains of eidolon on earth, the orb vallis on venus, and the cambion drift on deimos. all three of these are focused around the “main” three factions, grineer, corpus, and infested respectively. and those factions are like a whole other can of worms but the gist of it is one is clones, one is based on robotics and credits (profit), and one is like a zombie-adjacent infection that infests and mutilates people into a kind of mindless hivemind.

uhhh and in these open worlds, there’s a whole big area you can run around, run bounties for, mine, fish, and do animal conservation. doing all of these things can get you standing for their adjacent syndicate

so, for earth, there’s the ostron, which is like i think primarily a fishing and trade village, and are dealing with their plains being invaded by the grineer. for venus there’s solaris united, which is an underground city of people who are all in debt to the corpus (or “taxmen”) that they don’t even really have their own bodies anymore, and are kinda cyborg adjacent. and then on deimos there’s the entrati, which is a family that i think was once orokin (another faction, like almost godlike ethereal gold lined beings. or whatever) but ended up infested. and so you do the fishing and the bounties and whatever to get standings to rank up with them, which reveals lore and lets you buy more things from the vendors. and some of that stuff you need to build stuff like frames, or enhance your frames, or whatever, so ranking up just like generally helps you advance in the game

and then there’s a few smaller, newer factions. these don’t have full open worlds tied to them, but you still do bounties tied to their planets’ nodes and get standing that way!!

in the zariman (a whole story on its own, but the main thing is that it’s a massive mostly derelict ship that if i remember correctly got lost in the void and is kinda corrupted in that sense) there’s the uhhh. holdfasts, which are like the few survivors of this ship thatre hurt from the void and are trying to slowly rebuild what they can from before it went bad

and then, also on deimos, there’s the cavia. theyre one of my favorites cackles. they’re a group of animals that were experimented on by albrecht entrati (who also has a Massive story tied to him and i can talk about more if you wanted cackles) and were eventually abandoned and left in stasis(?) by albrecht. they’re eventually awakened when the rest of albrecht’s lab is by you. anywayg. he was experimenting on them via sending them into the void, which killed almost all of his other subjects. void exposure is nasty shit dude. BUT these guys, they gained intelligence and consciousness from the void exposure. so their whole story and progression is turmoiling with being forcefully evolved almost and now being forced to understand what was done to them, what albrecht did to them. an example of this is that, tagfer, (his name is short for “tag for disposal”) is the Last of his species, and he had a mate who died during their trip to the void. so. that kinda situation

uhhh anyway i think that’s mostly the gist with the syndicates. there’s a bit more to them but. yea

[l33t-hax0r-tournament]

THIS IS A PROPOGANDA POST FOR YOU ALL TO VOTE CRYPTO FROM APEX LEGENDS!! HE WAS A NORMAL DUDE (as normal as you can be as someone who hacks and gathers information for living) UNTIL HIS SISTER MILA FOUND THIS CODING THING THAT GUESSED THE OUTCOME OF THE APEX LEGENDS GAMES (OF WHICH HE COMES FROM) AND THEN HIS SISTER WAS KIDNAPPED BY THE SYNDICATE AND HE WAS BLAMED FOR THAT MAKING HIM RUN AWAY AND HE HAD TO CHANGE HIS WHOLE ENTIRE APPEARANCE TO SURVIVE- HE HAS LIKE METAL IMPLANTS ON HIS FACE THAT STOP CAMERAS FROM SEEING HIS FACE AND OTHER THINGS SIMILAR TO THAT THAT ARE SO COOL AND THE FIRST TIME HE WAS INTRODUCED INTO THE APEX GAMES, IN THE CINEMATIC HE TOOK DOWN A WHOLE ENTIRE TOWER AND DESTROYED A BUNCH OF THINGS WHICH INTRODUCED ACTUAL ANIMALS NTO THE GAMES SUCH AS FLYERS (WCHIH ARE DRAGONS) AND TWO DINOSAUR LIKE THINGS THAT HAVE SINCE BEEN REMOVED- IT WAS REALLY COOL THO!! ALL HIS INGAME ABILITIES RELY ON HIS ABILITY TO HACK THINGS, HE HAS THIS DRONE THAT ME AND MY FRIENDS NAMED TODD BUT IS CANONICALLY CALLED HACK AND IT RELEASES AND EMP WHICH DAMAGES PEOPLE AND KILLS MOST ABILITIES, ITS ALSO ABLE TO CAPTRE RESPAWN CARDS, RESPAWN PLAYERS AND OPEN DOORS AN DLOOT BINS WITHOUT CRYPTO HAVING TO BE REALLY CLOSE TO IT AND ITS ONE OF MY FAVORITE PARTS OF CRYPTOS KIT CAUSE ITS REALLY CUTE SAFJHJLDKSA- HE CAN ALSO SEE ENEMYS AND KNOW HOW MANY PEOPLE ARE NEARBY HIM AND IDK I JUST REALLY THINK HE SHOULD AT LEAST GET PAST THE FIRST ROUND CAUSE THE GAME CONSTANTLY SHEETS ON HIM BY NERFING HIM AND NOT GIVING HIM VERY MANY SKINS-- Hes not well liked fandom wise (in game at least) but he's loved with me and my small friend group and I really hope he wins past the first round at LEAST!! But good luck to everybody else as well I hope yalls blorbos make it far :D

the metal implants thing is legitimately so cool and definitely appealing to me as someone who hates cameras lol. anyways you heard the anon, folks!

[another-rogue-trevelyan]

If you liked Dragon Age Masterlist

If you’re anything like me, you’re into niche market, high fantasy, single player RPGs, preferably with a historical setting and romance options. So if you’re looking for a new game, here I am with some suggestions!

Sorted by studio:

Bethesda:

Oblivion (2006)

“In the shadow of evil, a hero will rise from the ashes of a fallen empire. The gates have been opened, and the battle has begun. Only one thing can save the world from Mehrunes Dagon and the demonic hordes of Oblivion. The true heir of the Septim line must be found and restored to the Imperial throne. The fate of the world rests in the hands of one. Find him, and shut the jaws of Oblivion.”

The Elder Scrolls series were my gateway into RPGs and hold a special place in my heart. Oblivion features a wide open world, immersive combat, and the ability to customize race, class, and gender.

Skyrim (2011)

“The Empire of Tamriel is on the edge. The High King of Skyrim has been murdered. Alliances form as claims to the throne are made. In the midst of this conflict, a far more dangerous, ancient evil is awakened. Dragons, long lost to the passages of the Elder Scrolls, have returned to Tamriel. The future of Skyrim, even the Empire itself, hangs in the balance as they wait for the prophesized Dragonborn to come; a hero born with the power of The Voice, and the only one who can stand amongst the dragons.”

I have sunk so many hours into this game and still have not experienced all there is to experience. Just like Oblivion, Skyrim offers the ability to customize your character and find a play style that suits you. A huge open world offers tons of opportunity for exploration and questing. You could play this game many, many hours and not even touch the main quest if you wanted to.

BioWare:

Mass Effect Legendary Edition (2021)

Just do it. Just fucking do it I’m still sobbing I’ve never had a game wreck me in this way. I might possibly like it more than Dragon Age which feels sacrilegious to say but it was so good. You follow Commander Shepard (customizable) for three whole games and the choices have serious consequences. Also, romance. Truthfully this might be the most well written storyline I’ve ever seen in a video game. Also, same studio as Dragon Age.

CD Projekt:

The Witcher III: Wild Hunt (2015)

I’ll let the website description speak for itself, but Witcher III was good enough that I didn’t mind being forced to play as a man (those who know me know that I exclusively prefer to play women and often dislike games where I can’t do so)! The characters that make up this story are captivating and suck you into their world, leaving you with some tough choices to make. Also, bonus points for romance! (Yen is one of my all time favorite characters, Triss never stood a chance for me. Sorry Triss fans 😂)

Larian:

Divinity Original Sin 2 (2017)

“The Divine is dead. The Void approaches. And the powers lying dormant within you are soon to awaken. Choose your role in a BAFTA-winning story, and explore a world that reacts to who you are, and the choices you make. With five races to choose from, and an adventure playable solo or as a party of up to four, lay waste to an oppressive order in a world afraid of magic. Become the God the world so desperately needs.”

Full disclosure, I have not finished playing this one yet and will update when I do, but what I’ve played so far has been great! A classic, turn-based RPG that allows you a wide range of character customization. I find this game incredibly satisfying to be a rogue (my preferred class) because it lets me live my dream of throwing knives at people. Also, romance!

Baldur’s Gate III beta (2020)

“An ancient evil has returned to Baldur's Gate, intent on devouring it from the inside out. The fate of Faerûn lies in your hands. Alone, you may resist. But together, you can overcome. Gather your party.”

Fair warning, as of my most recent update to this post (March 30th, 2021) this game is still in a beta phase, which means it is NOT complete and has aspects that are missing, glitchy, or subject to change. With that being said, I’m so obsessed. It’s so, so good already and is only getting better. Another wide open world to explore with a group of companions with strong and sometimes clashing personalities, choices are abundant in this game and will affect how your party members think of you. This game so far gives me the feeling that choices are complicated and aren’t always easy to tell which is morally right, which I personally love. Also, I can be a sarcastic ass with a good heart, which is always fun. Astarion basically owns me now, but if you can resist him there are plentiful other romance choices as well! Customization is already a wider range than I’ve seen in most RPGs and they haven’t even finished the character creator yet, which has me SO excited for the finished product. Also - good hair?!??!! I love it!

Lionhead:

Fable III (2010)

“Lead a revolution to take control of Albion, fight alongside your people, and experience love and loss while preparing to defend the kingdom against a looming threat. Your choices as ruler will lead to consequences felt across the entire land.”

I’ll be honest, this one isn’t my favorite on the list, but was good enough to still make it! This game allows you to choose between playing as the prince or the princess on a quest to save your kingdom from itself, and then a greater threat as well. The game takes place in a kingdom loosely modeled after industrial England, and what did score it some major points were (SPOILER WARNING - skip the purple if you don’t want to know!) that the last act of the game lets you play as the monarch, where you are forced to make some tough decisions in order to save your kingdom. It is very easy to back yourself into a corner, pinch pennies in order to fund the army and save the kingdom, but make your citizens hate you because of it. You’re gonna have to be very, very careful, which is something I did really enjoy about this game. (I’ve heard Fable II was better, and that’s also on my list to try, will update in the future!)

Nintendo:

Fire Emblem Three Houses (2019)

“War is coming to the continent of Fódlan. Here, order is maintained by the Church of Seiros, which hosts the prestigious Officer’s Academy within its headquarters. You are invited to teach one of its three mighty houses, each comprised of students brimming with personality and represented by a royal from one of three territories. As their professor, you must lead your students in their academic lives and in turn-based, tactical RPG battles wrought with strategic, new twists to overcome. Which house, and which path, will you choose?”

Currently playing this one and I’m so addicted! This one is slightly outside of my usual taste but it has made me interested in playing more games like it. The player controls Byleth (you can rename them if you wish), who becomes a professor of combat and battle tactics despite their young age at a monastery and finds themself in charge of a house of students. Battles are tactics and strategy based and classes are highly customizable. I sunk like 30 hours into this game in the last three days. I won’t say more about the plot to avoid spoilers, but it’s been a ton of fun and also has slow burn romance

Spiders:

Greedfall (2019)

This game destroyed my soul in the best way and when I finished it I immediately started a new game to play it again. You play as Lady or Lord De Sardet, Legate of the Congregation of Merchants and effectively the right hand of your cousin, who has been appointed governor of your new colony on the island. While I enjoy the combat in this game, which allows you the choice between one handed, two handed, magic, and pistols or rifles (save that ammo for when you really need it!), this game focuses heavily on diplomacy and relations. Be careful what information you give to whom and how you treat every decision. The enemies you make early on might be people you need on your side later. I also love that choices aren’t always clearly right or wrong, and often are more complicated than they first appear. Even the best intentions can sometimes go awry.

Ubisoft:

Assassin’s Creed, Syndicate (2015)

“London, 1868. In the heart of the Industrial Revolution, lead your underworld organization and grow your influence to fight those who exploit the less privileged in the name of progress”

Another one that I’ll admit, I haven’t finished, and is definitely the odd one out on the list because it’s set in Victorian England, but I was having fun with what I had played so far before Greedfall distracted me. In this game, you alternate between controlling twins Jacob and Evie Frye as you explore and liberate London while meeting famous historical figures and running a gang on the side.

Assassin’s Creed, Origins (2017)

“Ancient Egypt, a land of majesty and intrigue, is disappearing in a ruthless fight for power. Unveil dark secrets and forgotten myths as you go back to the one founding moment: The Origins of the Assassin’s Brotherhood.”

In the spirit of honesty, I haven’t started this one yet, but I am so confident that I’m gonna love it when I do that it’s here anyway. I’ve purchased it, and will get to it soon, I swear! In the meantime, I wanted to put it here because I’m confident some of you will enjoy it. Will come back with a review once I know more.

Assassin’s Creed, Odyssey (2018)

“Write your own epic odyssey and become a legendary Spartan hero in Assassin’s Creed® Odyssey, an inspiring adventure where you must forge your destiny and define your own path in a world on the brink of tearing itself apart. Influence how history unfolds as you experience a rich and ever-changing world shaped by your decisions.”

Y’all this game owned my soul for a while. I’ve sunk so many hours into it. You have a choice to play as either Kassandra or Alexios and navigate the wonders of Ancient Greece. The world is stunning, the choices are important, and this game took a big step for the assassins creed series in becoming a true RPG. I can’t recommend this one enough, you should absolutely go for it!

Assassin’s Creed, Valhalla (2020)

“Become Eivor, a legendary Viking warrior. Explore England's Dark Ages as you raid your enemies, grow your settlement, and build your political power in the quest to earn a place among the gods in Valhalla.”

This game is brand new, hot off the press, and has already been a massive hit. I have only JUST started playing it and am about an hour in, but so far so good! It’s here on my recommendations list because of its wild popularity and because I’ve already enjoyed other games in this series, so I feel confident that some of my fellow dragon age fans will enjoy it. Will update again once I get further in.

Other games on my To Be Played list (otherwise known as things I don’t want to recommend because I know almost nothing about them but will update here after I know more)

-Pillars of Eternity 1 and 2

-Horizon Zero Dawn

-Assassin’s Creed: Black Flag

-Fable 1 and 2

-Kingdoms of Amalur

-Breath of the Wild

-Crimson Desert (not out yet but I’m intrigued)

[kathyrealmstales]

NEW SMP THEORY! (I cracked the plot!)

Hello! I came up with a new theory, but this time I did some real work and I didn't just throw out random ideas. Crazy, right?

But seriously, I think I have a good theory for today.

Disclaimers: to begin with, spoilers for Dream SMP and Kingdom Heart. (Strange to see that game in a warning for the SMP, huh? Well, we will get to that soon.)

Also, just remember this is roleplay, all the actors are friends. If I see you trash-talking the actors you're being blocked. I don’t like hate.

I also wish to thank my sister for her assistance. I don't know much about the Kingdom Heart fandom except with what the Wiki tells me by watching my sister play it, so my sister had to suffer while I tried to find connections in a block game roleplay. Thank you so much, my loving sister.

Under this line is the theory! Hope you enjoy it!

------------------------------------THE START--------------------------

If you are familiar with the tales of the SMP, then you might already know a common theory.

The theory is that the TOTSMP area, "The In-between," is based on Castle Oblivion from Kingdom Heart. It looks exactly like the interior of the castle in the game, as well as the idea of losing memories. It's a cool easter egg.

However, my theory doesn't stop there, because I began to see more connections, making me believe that maybe the latest plot of the SMP is following a bit of Kingdom Heart plot.

Let me try to break it down into evidence and explanations.

In the latest episode of TOTSMP, Karl travels to this new world, escaping the "In-between" and going to this place called “The Other Side.” A strange name, but what is even stranger is that I felt I had already seen the castle before, so of course I did some research.

For starters, I noticed the In-between warned Karl that if he left, he would lose all of his memories, kind of like in Kingdom Heart when Sora went to that sleep state, he lost his memories. I thought there had to be a connection to the Kingdom Heart and this new world Karl was in now since it seemed to be following a pattern.

I tried to do more research by using Wiki and looking up other castles in the game that it could be. I came up with a few ideas, but none of them stuck. It just made no sense, so I went to the only person I know who knows Kingdom Heart more than me, my sister.

My sister and I love playing these games together, but while I'm just trying to figure how the game works (because of my love for coding), my sister listens to the plot and knows way more than I. Sure, we haven't finished all the games, but she knows enough to help me. So we got on the phone to figure out how this new world was connected, and when I left that call, I saw the Dream SMP in a whole new light.

- The Other Side evidence

We have an idea of what the Other Side looks like but that’s it. My sister believes it resembles the Hollow Bastion, which is intriguing. She claims it is linked to Castle Oblivion, but what makes it more interesting is that she said this place is also usually where the Kingdom Heart stories end. This got my attention since Dream hinted that the story’s end might be approaching soon. (I hope it's not-)

I then thought we had a good idea for the theory, a rather small one about the TOTSMP but a good one. So still wanting to talk to her, I told her why I was asking for her ideas, and then I explained the Dream SMP plot to her. The more we talked about the plot, though, the more my sister and I noticed parallels between the stories.

-

Eggpire evidence

To begin, we discussed the Egg People. I jokingly said, "Oh, does Kingdom Heart have mind-controlled people?" She replied, "if you count the heartless." Which shocked me because it makes the Egg People’s ability to pick who is controlled or not make so much sense!

You see, the Heartless are people without a heart (Hearts are similar to people's souls in the game, which is strange. But oh well). The heartless follow the rules of the Darkness. I'm not sure whom or what controls the Darkness, but I do know they are subjected to some sort of mind control or animal instinct. The most important aspect to consider is how they multiply. They seek out characters from whom they can steal hearts of so they can turn back into normal people. However, they need their own heart, not just a random one, so this method is ineffective and just makes more heartless.

Because of this information, I came up with a theory that may be the reason why the egg only works on certain people. I think it is the same reason why only some turn heartless. People with weak souls are usually turned, while people with more light in their souls are typically more difficult to turn to a heartless, implying that while Puffy and Sam had weak souls at the time, they are becoming stronger, making it more difficult for "darkness" or the egg to mind control them.

Also, this would explain why Tommy can't be mind-controlled at all; he is mostly made of light, and everyone sees him as the hero. It would just make sense; it’s really hard to control him.

-

Pandora’s box evidence

There seems to be a correlation with the prison. This one is probably my favorite because it makes the most sense to me.

Most theories believe the prison is similar to Pandora's Box, owing to the prison's name. However, Kingdom Heart had its own Pandora's Box, and no, I'm not referring to the one in Hercules' world. I'm talking about the box that was told to never be opened.

I don't know everything about Kingdom Heart, therefore, I can't go into great detail about this box like I did with the Heartless theory, but basically, the main dude who started the plot of Kingdom Heart had a bunch of apprentices, and he left them with a box that they were never supposed to open. Of course, the bad guys got the box and opened it, only to discover that it contained some time-traveling stuff, which caused some of the apprentices and The Keyblade of all Keybladeds to appear.

If we take that information and put it in place with Dream SMP characters, it looks like where the plot might be going. Dream is the main bad guy who opens the box with whatever he has. What emerges is Wilbur Soot, a man from the past, he takes the place of the apprentices and Tommy is the Keyblade of Keyblades.

What makes me believe Tommy is the Keyblade? I mean, It could be someone else, but the thing is, Dream keeps referring to Tommy as "the Key," and in Kingdom Heart, Sora is also referred to as "the Key." It's also possible that it could be Ranboo, since the key is made of both darkness and light, and Ranboo appears to look as if he is both, but this is all just speculation at this point.

Either way, I think we as a fandom were on the right track, thinking evil black boxes, just not Pandora’s box.

-

Organizations evidence

This is only tangentially related, but Kingdom Heart did have their group of evil bad guys whom, based on what I saw in the cut scenes, didn’t care if you show up to meetings or not. (basing this off of all those empty chairs. Then again, those chairs were really high up, I would miss meetings too if I had to sit in those things.)

Another thing to note about this organization is that they disliked higher authority, but this one opposed them because they were all about good and needed the princess's light, whereas the anarchist syndicate in the SMP were more anti-government. Nonetheless, both are going after government officials.

(The organization also had code names that were their real names, but with an X in them and scrambled around. They weren't as cool as the Anarchists Syndicate’s nicknames, but there was a connection.)

-

Now we'll look at the improbable evidence, as well as thoughts that might not make much sense.

-

Bad guys with correlations

The antagonist in Kingdom Heart had a bunch of copies of himself, procured with the help of time travel. I find this amusing, especially given that we know there are multiple Dreams in canon, including Dream, DreamXD, Mexican Dream, Girl Dream, and (possibly) Drista. It's almost as if he's the main antagonist, especially when considering the-- Norted thing, (that's what my sister called it. I'm not sure about the name, so we'll go with Norted Thing for now) The point is, he can control some people if they are willing, but they can rebel if they have strong hearts (again, I believe this is the case). This reminds me of Ranboo and his enderwalking state in which he hears Dream’s voice in his head. Again, just a hunch.

-

The plot is the same

This is the last piece of evidence I have, and it is the main fact from which I derived all of the connections. After my sister and I discussed the possibility of it being linked, I jokingly said during our call, "There are so many connections between the latest plot of the SMP and Kingdom Heart, The only difference I feel like they have is that the Dream SMP is all about how there is no bad or good, just greyscale, while Kingdom Heart is about dark vs light."

My sister responded, "It's the same thing. Most people believe it is dark vs. light, but the more you play the games, the more you realize it isn't. The majority of the characters begin as good or bad and gradually reveal their true selves. Nobody in the story is completely light or dark."

This shocked me because I always thought Kingdom Heart was about bad versus good. So now we've matched the main ideas as well!

Ohhh boy!

-

This is all I have for now. If you have anything to add, please send it to me as a comment or a submission, or simply make your own post and let me know so I can see it! (I know as I wrote this I found more connections, but I’m saving them for later.)

But, in any case, I believe you can see the idea--Dream SMP has some connections to the Kingdom Heart plot, assuming my theory is correct. It wouldn't be the first time. Dream SMP has loosely copied the Broadway show, Hamilton during the L'manburg war, and I know the writers like Disney at least for right now, so it makes sense.

I'm also going to leave you with this: Our Fandoms are the same, We get information that makes no sense and we have no idea where it fits in the puzzles, and we know (sometimes) the writers don't know either, so we just have to accept and enjoy it.

THAT IS ALL! GOOD DAY!

[aclosetfan]

To be written ideas: Number 16

Thanks for playing along!! @kayyee also asked for 16!

haha omg I haven't touched #16 in like four years. Okay, don't judge me, but i've got it titled in my outlines folder as "PowerPossible"

The outline's pretty long. i've actually shortened it for you all lol. Please let me know if you want to hear more about this one!! I can talk about it for a while :) Read below the cut for all of it!

this story's the obligatory Human/tmnt/Kim Possible-ish AU. The girls are NOT related and have no powers (in the beginning).

Family dynamics:

BC: Professor and Ms. Keane are her parents, she has a little brother named Ken (ppgz reference ;p). According to BC, Ken is their favorite child. She's just jealous because Ken has more in common with the Professor, who BC truly adores. She and the Professor have trouble relating because she's into sports, he's not. However, the Professor and her are more alike than she knows. Ms. Keane is still a kindergarten teacher and is the reason their family moves to Townsville.

Bubbles: Her parents died when she was young and now, she lives with her grandparents, the Mayors! The Mayor is still the Mayor of Townsville. (btw Im 85% sure that canonically his last name is also Mayor) The Mayor is under HIM's thumb, and when he finally messes up one too many times, HIM has him "taken care of." However, that's like towards the middle (?) of the story. So, in the end, Bubbles only has her grandmother.

Blossom: Two moms! Ms. Bellum and an unidentifiable second mother, who isn’t important (lol). 2nd mother isn't dead or anything, and she's happily married to Ms. Bellum--she's literally just one of those "mentioned in passing characters who are constantly out of town." Ms. Bellum is the Mayor's secretary, which Blossom uses to her advantage.

PLOT

The story starts out with the girls in kindergarten. Bubbles and Blossom are friends because Bubbles is the only person who doesn't think nerdy lil Blossom is annoying/socially awkward/too smart for her own good. Blossom in turn doesn't make fun of Bubbles being a crybaby. Buttercup's kind of a bully, but she's really just mad that her family had to move to Townsville. Ms. Keane (BC's mother) finally has enough of Buttercup's rebellious attitude and makes her sit with Bubbles and Blossom. Together the three girls find themselves in a confusing and troublesome situation: what happened to their class pet Twiggy??? (that hamster in that one episode). They solve the mystery (i.e. Mitch), and Ms. Keane frees Buttercup from the "loser lame-o sissy table." Except Buttercup ends up staying because *spoilers* they become best friends. (and she likes solving mysteries with them)

FASTFORWARD TO HIGHSCHOOL-ISH AGE

The girls are as thick as thieves and have a bad habit of sticking their noses where they don't belong. Blossom's the brains of the operation, Buttercup the muscle, and Bubbles is the obligatory "guyssss you promised we were going to the mall today not solving crime!" (Like Arnold from the Magic School bus who's like "oh please let this be a normal field trip!" And everyone is like "With Bloss and BC?! No Way!")

They've hit a "mystery" dry spell. At this point, none of their "mysteries" have been high stakes. Just petty stuff, but BC wants more. After another bust, she goes home and overhears her father (who's still a high-profile scientist) on the phone talking about the "odd mutant/monster-like" sightings that happened a few days ago in Townsville Central Park. Buttercup takes it as an opportunity to 1) help her dad and win his favor (that she already has smh) and 2) to break the dry spell she and the girls were going through, so they set off to investigate. To protect their identities, the girls essentially "mask up" and by the end of the story are described by the Townsville News as vigilantes.

Eventually, the girls stumble headfirst into Townsville's underbelly and the adults in their lives are all connected. They find that there is in fact a mutant uprising that has an overwhelming connection to the Professor, his ex-lab partner, the Mayor, and a mysterious man only referred to as HIM. And, of course, Chemical-X. X was the once abandoned project of the Professor and his once lab partner Mojo Jojo. It was supposed to be a miracle medicine! Now, in Townsville's underbelly, it's a popular/very dangerous drug/commodity.

At one point in the past, during a fit of rage, Mojo had mutated himself with an unstable vial of the chemical—accidentally--and fleed with the only "perfect" vial. He runs into a sickly man (who becomes HIM) and is conned out of the chemical. HIM takes the chemical and it "cures" him from his disease. It also gives him "superpowers." (NOTE: chemical-x superpowers varies person to person) However, the chemical is also unstable, and now HIM wants (NEEDS) a better formula, one that isn’t tainted (as Mojo still cannot figure out how to make it correctly) and will do anything for it. This is something that HIM believes the Professor can do. So, the Professor is essentially blackmailed into working for HIM (like most everyone who is in a position of power in Townsville). It's an expensive endeavor, so HIM sells the "almost perfect" batches (which in small doses can make a person feel invincible, but is highly addictive) to the crime syndicates. If you take an "almost perfect" version of Chemical-X, you generally need to keep micro-dosing to stay alive or your body starts to fail. (This is why HIM needs that PERFECT version)

Unbeknownst to everyone, The Professor was only ever able to perfect the formula once and it was by complete accident. (the version HIM had gotten was very close to perfect, but not all the way). Even the Professor doesn't know how he did it. (But that's because it wasn't the Professor who had perfected it--the Girls had done it accidentally during a sleepover in middle school (which the ever studious Blossom had recorded in her notebook). The Girls had been playing "scientist."

However, the Professor HAS figured out an Antidote-X. Again results vary. His version works best on the lab rats the original research group had experimented on. Blossom ends up perfecting Antidote-X for humans and the Girls are able to reserve mutations they come across on their "patrols", which pisses HIM off to no end, resulting in a bounty on their head. (He doesn't like the lose in profits)

As more mutants begin to appear and HIM becomes more frustrated at the lack of progress, Townsville becomes a darker place. At the height of this frustration, he kills the Mayor (who was wanting to break ties with HIM b/c of Bubbles' pleading). At that point, the Girls know who HIM is and what he is capable of. Since they have no one of authority to turn to that can stop HIM, they work together to create the perfected chemical-x like they had all those years ago in hopes that they can appease HIM and free the Professor.

The Girls figure out the formula, and in a race to save the City and, most importantly, the Professor, they confront HIM. Because they're kids, they naively think that they can trade the formula for BC's dad. It doesn't end up working out as they planned. In the end, HIM injects BC w/chemical-x (PERFECTED version), and she gains superhuman powers. To keep the ending vague, the Girls end up saving the day ;)

Important Characters the Girls Encounter:

Amoeba Brothers: the brothers are the first failed chemical-x test created by the Professor's research team that did not result in death. They haunt the sewers after they escaped the lab. They are the Girls first encounter with the mutations/mutants running rampant in the City

Gang Green Gang: Delinquents chosen by the City to be injected. Again, the tests failed. Had temporary "powers" but they teetered off quickly and the boys permanently stayed green (weird side-effect)

Bunny: Sad. She is also a failed test, but she is mutated while the Girls are actively investigating the case. She has super strength and was able to break out of the lab. The Girls hunt her down and they end up trying to help her. However, she passes away. This has a lasting effect on the girls.

Sedusa: she's definitely in the story idk how yet. lol. I just really like her as a character.

Princess: For financial support, HIM promised Mr. Morebucks that'd he'd give Princess superpowers like she wanted when the formula is perfected. But she’s mad, impatient, and power-hungry. In the end, sick of HIM's games and the Professors inability to give her what she wants, she injects herself with the chemical. It works for a bit, and HIM's like "holy shit did we do it??" but after a few days, she becomes unstable. (Her death is captured during live television b/c she makes her superhero debut a Whole Thing). Knows Blossom and Bubbles b/c of their parents. Doesn't like them. Doesn't bother to learn BC's name. Just canonically a brat.

The RRB: Adopted by HIM (and Mojo) "out of the goodness of their hearts." (PR stunt). They were really adopted to be test subjects, but HIM ended up liking them more than anticipated, so HIM decided that they'd be injected AFTER chemical-x is perfected. Absolute shit-heads. They can do whatever they want and no one can tell them "no." They cause havoc for the Girls to keep them off HIM's tail. Drive futuristic motorcycles that leave "light trials." Mad that they can't pin down who the Girls are.

[ravenwolfie97]

2020 Art Summary

Yep, it’s 2021 already. 2020 is finally over. It felt like it lasted forever, and it felt like the end would never come, but here we are. Crazy how the time flew by.

I felt like I didn’t get much art done this year because of Current World Event, but I made a lot more than I thought I did. Even some of my new favorite pieces came out of this year, so I think that’s worth celebrating and looking back upon!

I was insanely productive during the first month of 2020, and looking back I was surprised at all the stuff I did, but then I remembered that that winter season was actually one of the best times of my life! I started being more socially involved, and I think my newfound drive at the time translated into all the art I pumped out this month. This is just a small fraction of what I made in January, but I only have so much space. Quite a few complex pieces in both style exploration and polishing my own style.

Apparently February was a rather intimate month. Things began to slow down in terms of my own art here, with me spending more time in social settings and school work ramping up, I didn’t have as much time to coop up in my room to draw. I did wanna do something for a friend’s Valentine’s Day OC art challenge, so I drew my lovey-dovey couple from Dance of 1000 Words havin’ a dance. Nothing actually came of that challenge, but it was fun to do regardless.

One of the things I was most proud of in the winter season was making more friends, and one of the closest friends I made was completely coincidental. I met a person named Kiri on the bus one night I decided to volunteer somewhere by myself, and we ended up chatting and getting along. They quickly told me their tumblr username, and I shot them a message immediately after they left. A couple days later, we met up for brunch, and we started becoming really close friends and creative partners!

Not much else happened in March cuz that’s when Current World Event started becoming an issue, but Kiri and I still kept in close touch and we randomly started developing a concept for a Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Galar Edition. These are a handful of characters we thought up, with Skipper the Scorbunny and Dross the Dreepy as the main characters, Morgrem as the main antagonist, and some shopkeepers such as those of the Greedent Bank and the Indeedee General Store. This was also my first time drawing all of these Galar Pokemon (except Scorbunny, but I also made Skipper a bit more unique than a regular Scorbunny).

Lots of events happened this month. First of all, Steven Universe Future ended, one of my favorite and most influential shows was no longer continuing. I had to do something as tribute, both as a send-off to one of the greatest cartoons in the world and as a cathartic release for my feelings towards it.

A while later, I got the opportunity to start playing an MMO in beta called Fer.al, by the same people who made Animal Jam, which coincidentally I had also beta tested for back in the day. I ended up getting really attached to my first character, a Senri I named Sasha, and though I’ve made more characters than them since, they’re still my absolute favorite. Though I haven’t touched the game in a few months, I was really engrossed for a long time and enjoyed playing through the beta and early access phases.

At the end of the month, some friends of mine invited to a roleplay group with some mutuals, and we all played characters in a crime syndicate. Just a bunch of ragtag thieves and criminals who ended up together in order to protect an artifact called the Crown of Thieves, which was essentially a flag to be taken by other groups to prove that they are the best thieves in the land. My character was based heavily on my sona (if it wasn’t obvious) and was also influenced by Cloud Strife, since the FFVII Remake had just come out and I was super into watching the cutscenes at the time. My character’s (code)name is Valkyrie, and they are a mercenary, going between multiple different employers to carry out whatever duties they need to do. They have a more complicated backstory, but presently they were recently hired by recommendation of their friend Shark (played by @shmoots-universe​ who is also My friend now ily maya) who works with a group called the Court Cards who are currently in possession of the Crown of Thieves. Valk never really had a place to call home, but staying with this group of people had to be the closest they could get to that feeling. They still sleep with a knife under their pillow because of trust issue but that’s okay.

Okay, so technically these examples started in April, but I continued making content with them in May, and the month was just pretty void of art in general, so here I am addressing them.

There were two main things I worked on this month: a Steven Universe AU of my own and the whole #sixfanarts thing that kicked off around then. Let’s start with the fanart bits. I did two and a half of them (six in April and nine in May), and it was so much fun to be able to draw stuff I don’t normally do! My personal favorites are shown here: Blake Belladonna from RWBY, Roll from Megaman, Yuki Konno from Sword Art Online, and Link from The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess. The other thing I’d been planning for a while was a Steven Universe AU, probably to cope with the show being over but also because I was inspired by a lot of those SU AU artists I started following at the time. I won’t share the details here because it’s gonna have its own blog at some point, but the example I’ve shown here is of a comic I made loosely in order to introduce a divergence in the plot of the story as well as introduce a character unique to my AU. It was a lot of fun figuring out how to draw the characters and get a feel for the style.

As the year progressed, my amount of art I made per month began to dwindle, this time mostly because school was kicking my ass especially hard with finals. However, I took what time I had to get some backburner pieces finished, like the Tigerlily picture which I sketched out a couple months back, and the Gunvolt picture which I started working on SIX YEARS AGO. I don’t quite know why I got the urge to work on it again after so long, but it was nice to finally realize. The other drawing for DOTS was done in the dead of night but I was really happy with how it came out.

Despite only having two summer classes left of school, this month was really rough because they demanded a lot of my time and attention. I did not have the gumption to do anything digital, so I stuck to my sketchbook to get out what I felt like getting out.

My friends and I did a stream of the game Helltaker, and I really enjoyed the concept, so in following my friends I made my own Helltaker demon OC named Raksha the Ravenous Demon (it’s a pun but also got mythical insp). I also got super into Hazbin Hotel at this point, mostly because the Addict music video dropped and I couldn’t get enough of it, so I doodled Angel Dust cuz I felt like it. The other drawing I did was actually a free commission I gave a friend of mine as a prize for a trivia game show I ran back in June. He along with a couple other friends got some free drawings from me for getting the top three scores, and this one in particular was fun because of how interesting it was. He wanted me to draw a video game reviewer called the Irate Gamer from a specific moment, and I decided to go ham and just make it as dramatic as possible.

University classes finally wrapped up and right after that I was in the process of moving out of my apartment and getting adjusted to living with my parents again. I did a couple of agg.io drawing sessions with my friends from the Court Cards group as well as a new Dungeons and Dragons homebrew group I had joined. I drew some more of Valkyrie and came up with a design for my DND character Qakuqtuq (or Kai for short). He is monkey grandpa and I love him.

My main focus was on finishing a polished piece for my friend Cake, whose birthday was in the upcoming month. I wanted it to be as amazing as possible, so I put a lot of time into getting more detailed and making them look good. In addition to that, I did a few TOME doodles just for fun. The creature on the bottom was for this month’s art challenge on my Discord server where we made original TOMERPG monsters, and I created Hundylow, a Crystal-element monster based on the Grindylow from English folklore.

This month was a lot more productive than the past few had been. I tried to do a 31-day art challenge called Creatober but failed to get past the third prompt because I was still swamped with other work. I’m still happy with what little I did, including the piece with my characters Kyle and Guarudan from DSWD.

I don’t remember how, but I also suddenly rediscovered an old Flipnote Hatena series called Tales of LostClan, a Warriors fan series that I would say was the most obscure thing I’ve ever been super invested in. It was what got me into the actual Warriors books, and I liked it so much I redrew the animations into a comic... twice. Didn’t get nearly as far the second time but clearly my love for this little fanfiction had not waned after nearly a decade. I felt like drawing a book cover/movie poster for the series, just to get it out there and see how much I’ve improved over all that time.

Also I felt like making a vampiresona just before Halloween because I never dress up for Halloween in art (or real life anymore, for that matter), and I wanted to do something like that for once. It was short-lived but I really liked the design!

The focus of this month was definitely on Pokemon stuff. As per usual I contributed to the current Gotta Draw ‘Em All collab, and I was tasked to draw Regieleki. It was really fun to figure out how to make it stand out and look like it was made of electricity.

I also committed a lot of my spare time to my Fakemon Gym Leaders, as I had been working on bringing them to life in the past year or so now. As of this post, I’ve finished rendering their full body poses and gym badges, but I’m still working on completing all eight VS portraits, the first half of which are shown here.

I... didn’t draw anything this month, actually. What I’m showing here was worked on in the last few days but has actually been in progress for a couple of months, and I just finished it earlier today, in 2021. But I needed to show something off, and it’s also about time I mentioned it.

Back in October, I kept seeing people rave about this game called Genshin Impact, and I was interested but not so much as to start playing it... until my friends started playing and I was like “fuck it, let’s download it”. Since that day, I have been super immersed and in love with this game, to the point I came up with my own canon based on my gameplay experiences. This also included the creation of an original player character: Astra, the non-binary Traveller. And now, I’ve finally drawn them and brought them to life.

It has been one hell of a year. I had some of the highest highs and lowest lows in 2020, lots of changes, and I have now officially moved onto the next chapter of my life now that my time at university is finally over. I’m very excited for what 2021 has to offer, and I’m going to go forward with great ambition.

[sg2tiger]

It’s that time of year when I rise from my tumblr grave and come to post the end-of-year look at the games I played

As always, my lengthy ramblings can be found under the cut. I’m thinking of posting a more trimmed down version on Twitter (where I am also pretty inactive but have slightly more of a presence than Tumblr these days).

—————————————— Assassin's Creed Syndicate (Steam) FINAL VERDICT: Bretty Gud ——————————————

Coming directly after finishing Unity I moved onto Syndicate, knowing that it was to be the last 'real' Assassin's Creed game (with the next two moving to a more RPG-style and set in periods before the assassins and templars really existed in their current forms). I had actually originally planned to skip Unity after its terrible launch, and had purchased - and even started playing - Syndicate back in 2017...but my computer at the time was struggling with just the prologue, averaging 20-30 FPS. Once the game actually arrived at London proper, my framerate tanked to 11 FPS or lower, and I had to put the game on the backburner until I'd upgraded my computer enough to handle it.

Ultimately I'm glad that it worked out the way it did, and I did end up going back and playing Unity before Syndicate, because the games are definitely very comparable. Both are a return to the older games' focus on exploring urban environments after the past several moved the cities themselves largely out of focus, and the gameplay of Syndicate is basically a polished up version of the new system introduced in Unity. The controls were smoother and tighter, and much appreciated fixes were made to some of Unity's worst offenders, like having automatic cover behind objects now instead of doing it manually, and the 'enter' button prompt that appears when you're over a window to climb inside - something I believe I mentioned in my Unity review as one of the worst things (gameplay-wise) about that game. Also, the whistle button makes a return after its extremely baffling removal in Unity, making it actually fun and worthwhile to kill enemies from hiding spots once again.

Combat in Syndicate was decent enough once I got used to it, but personally I really did prefer Unity's style. Unity was the first AC game where combat felt genuinely tactical, and where it was possible to get overwhelmed and wrecked by enemies at ANY level, even postgame with all your upgrades and gear - thus, encouraging stealth more, and not letting it get to the point where you're swarmed by huge groups of enemies in the first place. Syndicate has some cool multi-kill moves, but I didn't even figure out how to properly execute those until the very end of the game (when I was replaying the highest-level fightclub over and over trying to get Robert Topping's rep level maxed). Aside from some fancy visuals on the killmoves, though, the combat felt watered down to me - press X to attack, B to dodge the enemy's heavily-telegraphed incoming attacks, and occasionally A on those assholes that block. I dunno, I just really enjoyed Unity's variety with stuff like the slower heavy attack, and ground execution, even if the skill points system to unlock them made them mid-to-late game abilities. In Syndicate, like most AC games before it, once you hit around the midgame point and have more gear and better equipment, you become a one-man (or woman) army and there's no challenge left - I remember I got a 124 hit combo without taking a single blow during one of the final bouts in the highest-level fight club, because it's just way too easy to play the hit, hit, dodge, hit hit dodge, blockbreak hit hit dodge game. It's my understanding that Origins changes the combat system yet again, though, so we'll see if I find that any more satisfying.

One of the main new things about Syndicate - and one I've seen a LOT of negativity about across the internet - is the rope launcher (AKA grappling hook). How realistic the steampunk-esque gadget it aside, gameplay-wise I actually liked it and thought it made sense, since London's buildings are significantly taller than anything in the past games. Here's my take on it - it's nothing new for an AC game to introduce a new traversal gimmick that's exclusive to that specific title and its setting, because it makes sense in that setting. Revelations had the hookblade, which in a way was like the proto-rope launcher. AC III had the whole 'treerunning' system because of its frontier setting, which had a very different feel to it mechanically than climbing around on buildings. And of course, Black Flag was all about ship travel. But aside from Rogue basically being Black Flag II, all of these things have largely been restricted to those specific games that introduced them, because they made SENSE for those particular settings and environments - like, just because the Ottoman assassins used hookblades to travel around Constantinople, Ubisoft didn't make the hookblade a permanent part of the AC hero's repetoire going forward. I feel like the rope launcher is no different...it exists to make traversal in THIS particular setting a little less tedious, because having to manually climb some of these buildings the old-fashioned way would otherwise be a nightmare. Besides, it's also completely optional and you CAN simply climb around the old-fashioned way if you so choose - aside from maybe the tutorial mission when you first get the thing, I can't think of any point where you were forced to use the rope launcher at all. Personally I really liked it - I don't think it 'killed' the franchise's iconic parkour system but rather integrated with it. Zip from the ground up the side of the building to a rooftop, then run and hop between the roofs and poles and rafters like usual, then zip across a large gap to a different rooftop, climb up and over a chimney, and jump across onto another roof. Sure, there's nothing stopping you from abusing the rope launcher to zip from place to place exclusively, just as there's nothing stopping you from not using the rope launcher at all. But that's exactly why it's stupid to complain about it. It's all about how much or how little the player feels like using it...and I mostly used it to fill in the gaps of otherwise standard AC roof running, mixing it in and integrating it with that gameplay, rather than replacing it. Maybe that's why I actually had fun with it.

The last new thing gameplay-wise I guess would be carriages. Once I got the hang of using them properly (gunning for first place in all the street races is very educational), it was fun enough, I suppose. I don't think the Grand Theft London jokes are lost on anyone, but personally GTA isn't my type of game so I can't say I especially LOVED the carriage driving either. I don't really care about the 'historical accuracy' of having video game horsecarts handle more like video game automobiles, I just don't really tend to like driving in video games in general. I also feel really guilty every time I crush an innocent bystander to death, which is VERY hard to avoid when you drive these things, so I think I spent a good while consciously avoiding driving unless necessary. Smashing through inanimate objects and causing wanton destruction is pretty fun, though. All in all not one of my favorite new features of the game, but I didn't hate it, either - which is a good thing given how many missions force you to get behind the reins.

As far as the story and characters go, Syndicate may not have been a marvel, but it was leagues above Unity. Jacob and Evie are likable enough, and while there's the usual share of forgettable one-note assassination targets there were also quite memorable ones like Pearl Attaway, Maxwell Roth and of course Starrick himself. I actually really liked Starrick as a character, though I felt it was a shame how little screentime he actually got considering he's the Big Bad behind the scenes of everything going on - I suppose that fit his role as sort of the businessman who uses his vast network of employees handle situations while he sits in his office and comfortably sips tea, but the out-of-focus nature he himself had in the story felt like a waste of such a charismatic character. It was however nice to see a return to the modern day story, even if it was still pretty far shoved into the background...it was at least THERE. And even Desmond got acknowledged for the first time in a while, which was nice. It's unfortunate that I know now the Juno plot was wrapped up in the COMICS rather than the actual games (something I really have no interest in reading but at this point feel like I have to just for closure), but if I had played Syndicate at the time when it came out I know I'd have been excited by a lot of the revelations that happened at the end, especially considering how far into the background Unity shoved the modern day and Juno storyline.

I think my biggest character complaint would fall to Henry Green, who's supposed to be your assassin mentor but felt like little more than a satellite around Evie for the entire game. When you first arrive in London and he gives you the rundown on how things are in the city, he reminded me of Yusuf from Revelations - someone more familiar with the goings-on than the player character, and a reliable companion and guide who the player can count on. After that, however, he felt pushed into the background and never really DID anything except, of course, accompany Evie on some of her missions. His whole thing is that he's not really a field agent, and yet the game forces him into the field JUST so he can tag along with Evie as part of one of the most forced obligatory romances I've seen in a video game. There is absolutely no chemistry between the two - Evie spends the whole first half of the game basically being defined by her work, and I NEVER got the sense that she really felt anything about Henry even when it became obvious he was interested in her. And then the game forces the whole 'oh Evie let her feelings get in the way and saved Henry and oh she's so conflicted because she's in love even though they've known each other for probably a couple of months at most but oh mixing romance and work is wrong but oh apparently Father and Mother were very much in love and it didn't compromise their work as assassins so it's okay and YES YES A THOUSAND TIMES YES I'LL MARRY YOU'. I was cringing the entire time - but of course, it's Ubisoft, so it had to be this way.

Speaking of Ubisoft's typical treatment of female characters, though, I DO have a few criticisms about Evie as well.  We all know about the controversy Ubisoft got itself into for saying female characters were 'too much work' during Unity, and Syndicate seems like a pretty obvious response to that backlash. Giving her a co-starring role with her brother made sense, too - if it was ONLY a female protagonist, right after the backlash, Ubisoft would be accused of caving to pressure and find itself with another controversy. I think it was a smart decision to do it this way, and the story missions are pretty evenly split so you're forced to play as each of them about equally, even disregarding who you choose to play as during the open world segments (though Evie probably should have been doing something during Sequence 8 while Jacob was off blowing shit up with Roth).

My problem is more with Evie's personality...or rather, the way she's used in the story. Jacob, like most previous AC protagonists, is flawed. His flaw is his impulsiveness and tendency to rush into situations without thinking of the consequences...those consequences then becoming immediately apparent when Evie has to rush in and quickly fix his mistakes. Evie however is more focused and methodical, putting all her attention on hunting Lucy Thorne and the Shroud. Ultimately the message here, I think, is that both of the twins need EACH OTHER because when they work alone they don't see the big picture. However it felt to me more like Evie's job was just cleaning up after her clumsy brother, because she's so perfect and infallible and always right. It felt to me like in the backlash over 'no female characters' they overcorrected somewhat with Evie, because she comes off far less flawed than her brother. Arguably her flaw is that by focusing too much on the Shroud she ignores the rampant corruption eating away at London, but the story never really focuses on that angle...Evie just comes off as always being right when Jacob inevitably fucks up the next big thing. You could also say the whole 'oh no I put personal feelings before the mission' is supposed to be her flaw, but the story also goes out of its way in the end to say 'no, it's okay to do that, your father was wrong'...so, also not a flaw. Then what IS Evie's flaw? I really can't see one...and I feel like that makes her less interesting as a character. I certainly didn't DISLIKE Evie, but I feel like she just didn't have as much personality as her brother, whose flaw was more apparent and impacted his development more (feeling betrayed by Pearl, and how apathetic he got in the aftermath with Roth, in particular). Evie just...spends half the game being perfect, being right, cleaning up after her clumsy brother, and then falling victim to a romantic plot tumor. Since she was the first playable female assassin as far as most fans are concerned (it's okay, Aveline, *I* remember you) this just seems like a shame to me...a wasted opportunity to make Evie just as interesting and flawed and capable of making mistakes as her brother (and no, compromising the mission by RESCUING ANOTHER HUMAN BEING FROM CERTAIN DEATH is NOT a flaw, only sociopaths would consider that a flaw, and the game even makes it clear that it also does not consider it a flaw). I think Ubisoft was probably just too afraid to make their first major female assassin come off negatively, so they played it safe - TOO safe, resulting in Evie ultimately being more bland and uninteresting than Jacob was. Don't get me wrong, they absolutely fucked up on multiple levels with Elise in Unity, but at least she felt like an interesting and nuanced character to me...even if she DID get stuffed in the fridge.

Anyway...ultimately I had fun with Syndicate. Worth mentioning that I did NOT get any of the DLC, because the reviews for both the Maharaja and Jack the Ripper DLCs on Steam were extremely negative and didn't seem worth it at all...nor did (to me) the assorted extra missions or the murder mystery packs. Murder mysteries were an alright change of pace in Unity, but they were also way too easy and certainly not interesting enough for me to want to pay extra for. I've got 98 hours logged for 100% completing Syndicate sans-DLC, compared to 138 in Unity for doing the same + Dead Kings, but Syndicate FELT longer to me. The world was bigger and I felt like I spent more time playing around in it, and aside from my aforementioned complaints about combat I feel like it did just about everything better than Unity. I've seen a lot of generally mixed reviews around the internet and even some people saying they thought Unity was better, but I can't really agree with that. All in all Syndicate was a solid and enjoyable game, and may quite possibly be the last Assassin's Creed game of its kind given the direction we've moved into with Origins and Odyssey, so...perhaps someday people will look back on it more fondly.

—————————————— Assassin's Creed Origins (Steam) FINAL VERDICT: Recommended ——————————————

Within the first 5 minutes of the game (if not less), things already felt innately...off. I knew that Origins retooled a lot of the game to be more RPG-like, but I guess I completely underestimated the extent to which EVERYTHING would change. After all, Unity sort of kicked off the trend of having a basic skill point system and different purchasable weapons/armor, and Syndicate furthered it with an even more in-depth skill tree and the reintroduction of crafting. I figured Origins would simply further refine these RPG-like systems, and tidy up combat yet again, which had also seen some changes in both Unity and Origins.

In any case, one of the first things (literally) I had to do was find the options menu and change the default control scheme, which is SUCH a huge departure from the system the series has been using for 10 years that it left my muscle memory crying. Fortunately the 'Alternate' control preset is far closer to the classic and familiar style (with RT as the run/climb button, for instance), and the PC version at least also allows you to rebind the controls further...which I did (particularly to put the drop/parkour down button on B, as it was in Unity and Syndicate). Rebinding the controls too much *can* lead to some issues with overlap and even breaking certain functions (I can no longer dive underwater with B presumably because I set it as my 'drop' button, so now it does a dash underwater instead...so I do have to use the C key on my keyboard to actually dive now) but ultimately those snags are pretty minor. That said, the resulting new controls during chariot races being so heavily concentrated on the right side of my controller did leave my hand seriously hurting after my first racing tournament.

(I wrote a lot about my thoughts on this right after starting, coming off Syndicate and feeling the unfamiliarity of the game hard, and it comes off a lot like I’m rambling about the Good Ol’ Days of AssCreed and how different Origins is from that experience more than an actual review of the game. While I think a lot of what I ranted about is still valid, it’s also not really about THIS game, so I think I’m just gonna skip over a lot of that and get into my actual, I-finally-finished-the-game thoughts instead)

Ultimately I enjoyed it a lot, and I did 100% complete the whole game + both DLCs, but at the end of the day I have to stand by my verdict that it’s not really an ASSASSIN'S CREED game as we’ve come to know them for so long. Did I have a lot of fun taking out entire camps with the predator bow before anyone could catch me in the act? Very much. But that's about the only kind of SNEAKING I felt like I ever had to do in the game, compared to older entries that had a wider variety of stealth options. Bayek was definitely more of a warrior than an assassin, IMO. I feel like, for all the flak it got as a game (and much of it deserved), Unity was the best AC as far as stealth mechanics and mission options. Syndicate refined those and fixed things like moving behind cover, but with Jacob being more of a brawler that also meant there was a lot of that game you could easily do without having to be super stealthy. Bayek, and the push towards the more RPG-like systems in Origins, makes it pretty clear that we likely won't be getting a return to classic AC form any time soon, and while I enjoyed Origins a lot that still makes me very sad.

Still, I look forward to Odyssey whenever it decides to go on sale enough for me to grab it, because Origins WAS a lot of fun. I ended up clocking 192 hours in it, completing all the DLC, and getting every achievement, so clearly I enjoyed the game. It's more just a bittersweet feeling that the AC franchise as we knew it is probably dead, as Ubisoft moves further and further away from the franchise staples, and continues to bury the modern day story and conspiracy theory angles deeper beneath the historical storyline.

(I also had some rants about how Aya/Amunet would have made a better protagonist of a proper Assassin’s Creed game while Bayek was more the protagonist of a general revenge story and how Aya, as she was, was much like Evie in that I didn’t really like her much and feel like I could/should have liked her more if she was utilized better as a more robust character, but in the interest of not going off on this game forever I’m gonna snip that part as well)

—————————————— 7 Days to Die (Steam) FINAL VERDICT: Bretty Gud ——————————————

Another of the plethora of survival/building/crafting games that have been all the rage these days. Sorta like ARK, but instead of dinosaurs, it's zombies. Zombie games aren't personally my cup of tea, because I am a big baby, and the game has a lot of elements that I think would classify it as survival horror and not just survival/building/crafting. Solo, I would never be able to tolerate this game, but with a friend or two, I found it quite fun. It scratches a lot of the same itches as ARK but the survival aspects take more of a forefront, whereas in ARK once you've progressed to metal tools and flak armor the temperature and hunger management aspects become little more than a minor nuisance.

When we started out, we were right on the border of the snow biome (once my friend trekked from their spawn point and found me, that is), so the cold and just barely avoiding constant starvation (sometimes) was an ever-present threat. It really felt like we were being pushed to raid the nearby houses in hopes of finding scraps of food and resources to keep us alive. After a while we were able to gear up enough to move slightly further out to a more temperate biome, near a large cornfield, where we could begin cultivating our own crops. Once starvation became manageable we were able to shift out focus to other tasks, like expanding our base in preparation for the titular 7th day (though it was the 30th day due to adjusted server settings for us) - the Bloodmoon, where swarms and swarms of zombies attack your base and you have to survive the night.

This sort of PVE tower defense mode is something I've often wished was a thing in ARK (and no, orbital supply drops aren't the same thing) - PVP is too toxic for my tastes, but a constant problem in that game is reaching the eventual 'now what?' point where you're practically unfuckable and nothing is a challenge anymore. Having that sort of ever-present danger and challenge to look forward to (or dread, if done right) keeps PVE gameplay in this sort of game a lot more interesting because you can't just sit on your laurels and get complacent. PVE builds are generally more about making buildings that look nice and less about fortifying them with adequate defenses because those rexes that stomp through your front yard can't bite through metal, so why worry? I like having that balance, where I can build a base that I think looks nice and is functional with storage and crafting and whatnot, but I ALSO like the idea that if my defenses aren't up to snuff...I can kiss my ass goodbye.

So the Bloodmoon mechanic, while terrifying, is a big draw of this game IMO. There's also the other side of that PVP coin that sounds fun in theory but is not in practice (because real people are assholes): raiding other peoples' bases. Of course, zombies spawn randomly in the overworld and you can run into them any time during your travels and resource runs, but the map is also littered with abandoned houses and other buildings like stores, factories, hospitals and even creepy mad scientist castles. These places often have pretty good resources and loot, so you're encouraged to explore them...but of course they are also crawling with zombies. And the zombies are not always out in the open for you to get off a quick headshot on, either - often times they'll hide, inside closets or above ceiling tiles, to ambush you if you're careless. You really have to be prepared for anything, and willing to drop heavy loot and run away if the going gets particularly tough. To me this feels more engaging than just killing stuff out in the overworld, because it's like I actually have to conquer someone else's castle and that feels more like a concrete goal to me.

In general it feels like a fairly standard, but enjoyable, early access (but frequently updated) survival/building/crafting game. However, these little things kept me coming back for more once I'd grown bored of being the unconquerable dino king of ARK. Would I recommend it? Only to a specific audience, but that audience has probably already played it. For me the general survival horror atmosphere and frequent jumpscares in narrow corridors when a zombie jumps out at you from above the ceiling and shit is a lot...even playing with my friend, I basically played the support sniper role in combat while they had the frontline with melee weapons, and that didn't stop my heart from leaping out of my chest on many occasions. I remember that time we raided a huge pharmacy building on a day where it just would not stop raining...the rain sounds in this game are VERY realistic, and also very loud. I could barely hear my friend over the rain half the time, let alone the warning sounds of nearby zombies being drowned out by the storm. We had to stay the night, and well into the next day it was STILL raining...we had so many close calls in there, and even a couple actual deaths (fortunately we had temporary beds set up in a safe room so we wouldn't have to trek back from base). Once the rain finally stopped, and we returned to base and called it a night IRL, I felt such relief...I hadn't realized how much I was ACTUALLY STRESSED by the game in such a tense situation. Which...is that "fun"? Again, I think it depends on the type of person, and even then is probably very situational. I think I realized in the aftermath that I did not have fun that night, but when I was there in the moment, the tension was certainly immersive.

So yeah. It's a fun game if you have a good friend or two to play it with, and if you think you can handle horror elements and potential jumpscares. Which I can't. But my friend is very supportive and understanding  of that so I didn't have to feel like a big baby when I got audibly startled during our gameplay sessions, so I really do think WHO you play it with can make a big difference, too.

—————————————— Ultimate Skyrim (Steam) FINAL VERDICT: Bretty Gud ——————————————

A bit of an odd thing to review, I know. Ultimate Skyrim is obviously not a game in itself, but as a modpack that completely revises the way the game is played I felt like it was worth mentioning...especially since it gives me something to pad out this very small list with.

I actually first heard about Ultimate Skyrim a couple years ago, but back then the install process was so daunting that even I (someone who can spend weeks perfecting my load order whenever I go to replay Skyrim) was put off by it. Plus, at the time, it was still in version 3 and I knew there was a version 4 in the works, so I figured I may as well wait for that before I gave it a try.

When I got the itch to replay Skyrim again, as I seem to every year once fall and winter come around, I remembered UltSky existed and check in to see that version 4 was out, had full gamepad support (essential for me), AND the install process was easier than ever thanks to the Automaton tool. So I thought, why not?

It was my first time trying Requiem, but I'm no stranger to some of the basic concepts the mod introduces, since some of my mainstay mods (ex. Advanced Adversary Encounters) make similar changes. Plus, a solid half of the UltSky pack consisted of mods I've played regularly, so I didn't think it would be that hard to acclimate to.

I was wrong.

Requiem changes much more than I expected it to, which, in hindsight, explains why practically every mod out there requires a patch to work with it. The constant stamina drain that you need to account for with buffs from food, made worse if you decide to go heavy armor...no natural health regen, and all potions being heal-over-time instead of flat instant heals...the perk tree really requiring thought and planning to budget your points right and not spread yourself too thin, and even getting 'locked in' to the type of standing stone you choose as your birthsign. All kinds of little elements piling up to make your early game a living nightmare.

I'll cut right to the chase here: I found that I don't much like Requiem. Now, I'm not opposed to challenge, and pretty much every playthrough I mod my game to MAKE the game more challenging because vanilla Skyrim is such a cakewalk. But it's the WAY Requiem changes things, the specific mindset and vision that toes the line between 'fun' challenging and 'you must be a masochist or hardcore minmaxer to enjoy this' that doesn't appeal to me specifically. I much prefer my usual combination of Advanced Adversary Encounters + Wildcat + Ultimate Combat + Mortal Enemies + maybe True Armor (I only played a little with it on my last pre-UltSky playthrough but I liked it) to make fights more deadly and tactical. Requiem makes combat more difficult, absolutely, but the vision is different, and it feels like minmaxing is the answer to surviving encounters more than strategy and skill. Like, if I don't have the right gear, or perked myself in a specific way, or else carry an assload of fortify potions (something I hate even in the base game but is made even more annoying to me through Requiem and UltSky's unpaused menu system)...then my chances of surviving are very, very slim. And to me that just isn't fun.

A deleveled world is kind of fun, though I'd never tried it before...that sense of progression where you can't just take on a cave of warlocks at level 2 gives me something to work towards, though it does also feel somewhat limiting as far as where you start. One of the appeals of alternate start mods and WHY they're among the most popular is that freedom of not having to go Helgen > Riverwood > Whiterun, but a deleveled world also makes me feel like I'm being punished if I get a random start up in Windhelm, and that I have to head down and chump it up in Whiterun anyway, because that's where the weak enemies who won't oneshot me are. I'm sort of whatever about that aspect though.

To me it's like...I can't agree with it being called 'the roleplaying overhaul' because having to focus so much on how I spend my perks, what spells I learn, my gear, which enchantments I use, having to carry at least 3 weapons at any given time and encumber my loot-loving ass because I never know if I might need a mace or a sword...the list goes on. I'm not trying to shit on it because there's clearly a huge community of people who love what Requiem brings to the table - they're just all things that don't appeal to me PERSONALLY when I can usually think of a mod that makes the same sort of changes to my game but does so in a way that I find more appealing, that's all.

So then...if I'm feeling this negative about Requiem (the very core of Ultimate Skyrim), why did I give it a positive rating? Well, because even if I don't love Requiem, I still think Ultimate Skyrim is fun.

I know that probably sounds ridiculous. But to me, I think considering Ultimate Skyrim as just 'that one Requiem modpack' is really selling it short. UltSky adds a lot on top of that core Requiem experience, and while some of that makes the struggle to survive the early levels even MORE hellish than base Requiem, I think it actually manages to bring the roleplaying and - dare I say - immersion - back to the table.

Of course, it's got a lot of the classic 'immersion' mods in there...iNeed, Frostfall, Campfire, even somewhat more niche stuff like Bathing in Skyrim. Needs mods I can give or take, sometimes I don't bother with them because the micromanagement can often feel more annoying than fun (I prefer cooking mods that make meals feel more worth eating with long-lasting buffs than mods that actually make me 'hungry', usually). I'd never used Frostfall before for similar reasons despite being very aware of it for years because of its popularity...I actually didn't dislike it though, and it really does make Skyrim feel harsher and like you have to prepare more for your journeys.

The thing about UltSky is that it's not just a big rec list of mods thrown together haphazardly. BelmontBoy has actually taken the enormous amount of time to patch all these mods together to make them work as one seamless, cohesive entity. Of course, it's not perfect - at the end of the day Skyrim was simply not designed with a lot of these features in mind, and the MCM configuration at the start of every new character you make is a huge pain in the ass. But once you get it going, the functions all fit pretty well together...planning my daily activities and general gameplay loop around the weather and time of day, making sure I drop into the tavern and have a bite to eat, deposit any goods in a safe chest and my (weighted) gold off with the bank service, and making sure I go to bed at a decent hour and sleep well.

Ultimately (heh) it makes Skyrim feel like a completely different game, and changes the way you play significantly. I may not agree with all of those changes, but I can't deny the appeal of having an easy to install pack that doesn't take me 3 weeks to perfect before I can play, and where the mods are all designed to work well with each other so unexpected conflicts don't pop up halfway into my playthrough when it's too late to fix them. The controller support and things like iEquip and EasyWheel are also conveniences that changed the game for me, and I will definitely be planning to make use of in future non-UltSky playthroughs as well...for that matter, I also found myself surprisingly enjoying the unpaused menus (though I disabled it for merchants because I got tired of their idle dialogue firing constantly while I was shopping).

Of course, being me, I did make some personal changes to my UltSky install (particularly things like Noxcrab's and kbeazy's Req and UltSky patches to tone down some of the more masochistic elements of Requiem), but the fact that it's as accessible and easy as it is to get up and running even for people who DON'T obsess over their load orders is a big deal, I think.

Is it the ultimate Skyrim experience? No, absolutely not. The ultimate Skyrim experience will always be the one you build yourself to your preferences, and don't have to make due with features you don't like. But I do really appreciate and respect the work BelmontBoy has done with Ultimate Skyrim, and I would absolutely recommend it to anyone who wants to try something a bit different.

Though I'm done playing it for the time being, I've still got another playthrough planned that I think will work pretty well with UltSky...it was a character I was really having fun with, but basically had to abandon due to mod complications fucking up my save and me not having the energy to troubleshoot. I think reviving him in UltSky would be pretty fun, so next time that Skyrim urge inevitably hits me, that's my plan.

—————————————— Ciconia no Naku Koro Ni: Phase 1 (Steam) FINAL VERDICT: Recommended ——————————————

Alright, alright. Ciconia’s not really a GAME, but as the first When They Cry in almost a decade I feel like it would be a crime for me to not include it on my list.

Worth noting, first of all, that I pretty much never buy games on day 1 at full price. I wait for them to go on sale for $20 or under, even if it means waiting a few years (which is why I'm usually so behind the times on the games I've played). But we've already waited 8 years since Umineko ended for the next When They Cry, when we didn’t even know if the franchise was gonna continue AT ALL. Besides that, the most fun part of a new WTC is getting to discuss it with people while it's exciting and fresh, and waiting around for a sale would mean missing out on all that. As it is, I didn't get into Umineko until a little before the release of EP5, so I missed out on all the live discussions for the question arcs while they were still new. I wasn't about to sit around and wait a year or more for the price to drop. Ciconia was a rare full-price day 1 purchase for me, and I finished it over the course of the release weekend.

Since I already reviewed the game after finishing my liveblog in the 07th Expansion Central Discord server, I’m going to basically reiterate and build upon what I said then when my thoughts were still fresh.

I enjoyed Phase 1 a lot and it definitely surprised me in how long it was, and how polished just about everything was (maybe except the small BGM selection, but that will surely be expanded in future phases). We had animations, detailed backgrounds and sprites, it definitely feels like a big improvement over Umineko in the presentation department...but it still falls victim to the same issue Umineko EP1 and Higurashi's Onikakushi had, something that Ryukishi seems to have trouble with in general - PACING.

To be FAIR, the whole setting of Ciconia did necessitate a lot more exposition than the previous When They Cry entries. Umineko and Higurashi took place in 1980's Japan - a time and place that actually existed. Ciconia takes place in the far future and had a LOT of worldbuilding Ryukishi basically had to establish from the ground up, not to mention taking place on a global scale featuring parts of the world that the average Japanese reader might not be familiar with, especially with how the factions of A3W also make those parts of the world so different than we know them today. So I DO understand why it had to drag on like that, to a degree, because Ryukishi clearly had a LOT he wanted to convey in both worldbuilding and social and political commentary (and a lot of what seemed like very clear Take Thats at people who missed and continue to miss the point of Umineko to this day, even after the EP8 manga adaptation should have cleared all doubts).

Even so...it's still hard to actually push through huge infodumps like that, before anything really engaging happens to hook you in. We had to learn about the state of the world and the factions and all the tech and just about everything and I do admire HOW MUCH worldbuilding he came up with here and how he managed to eventually explain just about all of it in a way that left me feeling like I had a pretty solid grasp on how the world worked...but at the same time, it was hard to just sit down and will myself to read through so much lengthy exposition.

I think if I had to compare it to Higurashi and Umineko's starting episodes, the beginning paced much better. Phase 1 was much LONGER than either of those two first installments, and it still managed to sprinkle a lot of intrigue into the early parts that made it a little easier to get into than, say, Higurashi spending an absurdly long time on the slice of life club game antics before the real meat of the story began, or Umineko going on and on ad nauseum about the family's history and financial problems when I'm just sitting here waiting for the witch to show up.

But while Higurashi and Umineko dragged their feet through the beginning, I think the worst of Ciconia's pacing was actually the MIDDLE section.

There was a point where it seemed that, after every genuinely interesting scene that left me curious and wanting more, I got teleported back to the bathhouse against my will to listen to the same 4 characters have the exact same conversation for 20 minutes before I could finally get back to the next interesting scene...only for it to happen again after that.

That endless pattern of:

>world is going to shit despite our efforts >we're just chess pieces and have no power >cheer up miyao you're having an impact on everyone and we can do it >let's protect the walls of peace together!!!! >shit goes wrong again, rinse, repeat

Look, I GET it. You're all comrades working together to support the walls of peace, and you're also treasured friends fighting against the corrupt and uncaring adults who don't understand or appreciate all you young gauntlet knights have had to endure for the sake of maintaining those walls of peace. And how no matter what they try to do to get you to hate each other or kill each other, you'll always be friends who will work together, to maintain the walls of peace!!! I GET IT. YOU DON'T NEED TO KEEP SAYING THE SAME THING OVER AND OVER. I KNOW that I am reading a When They Cry novel and that, to appreciate the full ironic pain that comes once these characters DO turn on each other and the cruel slaughter begins, I need to see them when they are insisting that they'll never hurt each other, but I'd rather SEE them bond than just be TOLD over and over that they're comrades supporting the walls of peace!!

The thing is, aside from a small handful (Cairo in particular), I DO feel like we got to see the characters bond. So why, on top of that, did we ALSO need to keep repeating walls of peace walls of peace walls of peace over and over again BESIDES? It felt like unnecessary padding at that point, when so many interesting things were going on, but we just had to keep cutting away from them to watch the same tired scene play out at least once per chapter.

It probably also doesn't help that Ciconia is a beast composed of two themes/genres I'm not really a big fan of - sci-fi/futuristic, and heavy political/social commentary. So the fact that the beginning was spent largely explaining all the futuristic sci-fi technology, and the middle was spent going on a lot about the political angle, may not have helped hold my interest as much. Not to say I didn't enjoy the story, just that those factors may have made it even harder for me to latch on than it may have been for other people. Still, I've heard a lot of people voice the pacing complaint for various reasons so I don't think it's ALL me, there.

In general, Phase 1 was a rollercoaster ride. I was really drawn in heavily by the conspiracy theory and mystery elements, but found myself grow bored during the more politically-charged parts. The social commentary was certainly topical and I appreciated the fact that Ryukishi had a lot he wanted to say (which almost seemed to be making up for how he kept Umineko vague due to it being 'difficult to talk about' certain key subjects of that story), but the parts about the strife between the factions over geographical and political issues were less engaging to me. The more conspiracy-laden bits of intrigue grabbed me a lot more - I felt a lot of overlap between that angle of the story and the early Assassin's Creed games (before the modern day got more and more shafted), with that strong angle of 'history is written by the winners and there's a whole bunch of stuff that happened in the past that is being deliberately covered up', and I really like that. The strong biblical undercurrent especially enhances that sort of mystique that makes ancient conspiracies so fascinating...the idea that there could be secrets from antiquity that have fallen into myth and legend due to the meddling of ancient sects like the Three Kings, seeking to guide humanity down what they consider to be 'the right path', regardless of how many lives are lost as they repeat their schemes over and over again.

For Phase 1, at least, there was a LOT going on, because so much had to be established. I imagine it'll get easier from this point now that all this stuff is out of the way, so we can focus more on how all these different elements intertwine. Hell, we spent all that time in the beginning talking about CPPs and Meow, but she basically faded off and became irrelevant halfway through the story. SURELY all that stuff was more than just Ryukishi talking some sense into the people who ignored Umineko's message, and will come into play more in future phases, but as of right now there's a lot of elements like that where it feels like we don't know enough to really speculate on how important it's going to be to the story. Right now there are so many things going on that it's hard to know what to focus on - content-wise, it feels like we got as much as 3 arcs' worth of Higurashi and Umineko. Of course, if Ciconia really is only going to be 4 phases long, that makes sense...but it does make it a lot harder to figure out what we should be paying attention to when SO much has happened already. The last 20 minutes of the game alone was far more of a mindfuck than anything in Higurashi or Umineko.

All in all I am very much looking forward to Phase 2 (which has already been delayed from its expected release of next May, though I already predicted that'd happen...does that make this a 'prophecy'?), and I've enjoyed discussing it all in the 07th Expansion Central Discord, so I feel like I got my money's worth already. Time will tell how Ciconia stacks up to the obsessive experience that Umineko was for me, but for better or worse, I have faith in Ryukishi to make this story a Hell of a ride.

—————————————— Kingdom Come Deliverance (Steam) FINAL VERDICT: Recommended (if the middle ages mysogyny doesn't put you off) ——————————————

I'd heard both good and bad things about KCD when it came out...people praised the attention to historical detail and realism, but complained about the plethora of bugs and performance issues (on PC anyway). I was a little surprised to see it offer a steep discount and free play weekend back in September, when the game only just came out in 2018, but I figured, why not give it a try since it's free? I ended up playing for almost 20 hours before the weekend ended, and found myself enjoying it more than I thought I would.

Coming right on the heels of my Ultimate Skyrim playthough, I was impressed by how much more enjoyable the RPG survival mechanics could be when a game was actually built with them IN MIND, rather than having to tack them on with mods. A lot of the core KCD features are similar to Requiem and UltSky - no auto-health regen, having to actually practice and train to get skilled using your weapons/armor, paying attention to your opponents in combat and not being able to win just by mashing attack, as well as having to keep yourself fed, rested, and so on. But since KCD was actually designed with all of these systems integrated, it felt a lot less clunky and tedious to manage them. I ended up being pretty sad that I didn't grab it during the sale before the free weekend ended and I found myself enjoying my UltSky playthrough a lot less after witnessing these kinds of 'hardcore' features done, well...better than Requiem does them.

The game went on sale again about 2 months later, and since it coincided with my birthday, I decided to go for it.

One thing I feel I've been getting more and more used to these days is the first-person perspective in games. It's always been something I've disliked compared to third person, and typically if a game gives me the choice I'll go with third every time. In crafting/survival games like ARK (which HAS third person but it kinda sucks), 7 Days to Die and even hearkening back to my Minecraft days of yore, first person was more tolerable and made sense because it's much easier to build things with a first person camera. It also makes sense for shooters because you get an unobstructed aim at your target - the same reason I'll usually switch into first for archery in Skyrim, even though I play everything else in third. But a full blown RPG in first, with no option to switch situationally, was still difficult for me to get used to. Once you understand the basics of how KCD's combat works and everything though, it's obvious why it wouldn't really WORK with a third person camera, so after a while it became second nature to me.

While I'm still not quite finished at the time of this review (just got out of the monestary and am wrapping up sidequests before getting locked into the final endgame story quests), I can say I've quite enjoyed the story so far. It's not exactly a groundbreaking premise - you start off in the Doomed RPG Hometown where you do your little tutorial missions and get a feel for how to play, then the bad guys storm through and slaughter everyone, including your parents, sparking the hero's quest for revenge. However, there's something about the characterization and the gravity of the situation (especially with Henry being a peasant and not a JRPG adventurer) still managed to suck me in. That scene near the beginning, when you're standing there on the castle ramparts in the rainy night, watching the lord of Talmberg try and deceive the enemy...and then explicitly disobey orders and flee back to Skalitz to bury your parents even though it's a foregone conclusion that it's a Very Bad Idea...there was something that just really gripped me and made me eager to find out what would happen next. Which, considering I was playing on a free weekend at this point, also worked really well from the standpoint of devs hooking you with a strong beginning enough to make you want to purchase the game.

Sure, with time, training, and enough money to buy some really good weapons and armor (or enough perseverance to win some in the weekly tournaments, like I did) you can turn Henry from a lowly blacksmith's son into an RPG God. BUT...it DOES take work to get there, and it feels believable as a result. You're handed a Really Nice Sword in the very beginning of the game but because you have no idea how to lose it you get your ass quickly handed to you, the sword stolen, and would be left for dead if not for the timely intervention of a neighbor. The thing is, though this event is of course scripted, it doesn't FEEL like the game is railroading me into purposefully losing a fight that I might have been able to win due to player skill...because at this point, Henry legitimately has no training!! No amount of savescumming (also made nearly impossible by the game's default save system, though I am using the unlimited save mod) or player cheesing could change the fact that a peasant who's never had to swing a real sword or fight for his life would get his shit kicked in by an actual trained warrior. Only after this event, when you have the opportunity to take lessons with Captain Bernard, can you actually learn proper (if basic, at first) sword techniques and work your way into becoming an actual man-at-arms.

That sense of actual growth and progression in Henry is a big part of what makes the experience fun, I think. You really do feel like you're a struggling nobody at the beginning, but as you work your way up in the world and become more respected by your peers and even the nobility, you start to feel like you earned it. You get to go from an unwashed peasant in dirty and torn-up clothes starting petty arguments with the local lord-to-be to a trusted and well-respected member of the local garrison, wearing your expensive and regularly-polished armor and listening to the people greet you accordingly. Does it have some of the power fantasy elements you'd expect from a zero-to-hero story? Maybe so, but they never felt like they were undeserved - all the respect my Henry got was due to his actions, and not just by virtue of being The Protagonist.

That said, there are some elements of the game that might not sit well with people. The game does take place in 1403 and its main selling point is its historical realism, and all that historical realism entails - but that doesn't mean the Medieval Misogyny is going to be tolerable for everyone playing it in 2019+1 and beyond. Females are generally cast in the roles you would expect of them during the time period and even the 'strong' female characters are still subservient to the men. That's how it was, and for a game that sells itself on its authenticity, it's a bit of a sticky thing to argue about. Likewise I've seen criticism about 'racism' simply because pretty much every character in the game is white...even though darker-skinned people would have been pretty rare to the area in that time period (possibly in Prague, but the game doesn't actually take you there, so that's a moot point). Still, while I don't think they're really fair arguments to make against the game for simply portraying things the way they were back then, it's still absolutely fair to say the game isn't for everybody and there's nothing wrong with people who might find the content offensive.

At the end of the day this is still a game where you are forced to play the role of a male character - this is not a create-your-own-hero game where you get to define who you are and what you look like and 100% of your character's backstory and personality. It's the story of Henry, and while you're given a lot of opportunities to play Henry as a respectable Knight or as an absolute Scoundrel as you please, it is still HENRY'S STORY - not yours. This is a game where there are achievements for having sex, and an achievement for remaining a virgin. You can use the bathhouses to have a good time and get yourself an 'alpha male' buff if you so choose (I've not once used them for anything but cleaning my clothes because I am staying loyal to Theresa). You'll bump into quests where you'll see things like a lord not wishing to purchase well-bred horses from a woman simply because she's a woman, or the very insinuation that you might want to help give a down-on-her-luck woman a job as a water carrier (physical work!!) absolutely ludicrous. All kinds of little things like that, which are in my opinion pretty minor in the grand scheme of misogyny in video games, but again...while I don't hold it against the game itself for its portrayal of the era, I also don't hold it against people who might be offended by these things to not play the game.

If you ARE willing to look past some occasionally uncomfortable 'historical accuracy', though, you'll find a very enjoyable RPG with largely likable characters and engaging (if not revolutionary) storytelling. The game mechanics are well-integrated and it feels less like I'm being forced to eat/drink/sleep/bathe and more like I'm willingly adopting a realistic schedule and means of planning my days. Once you master the combat system you can definitely feel like an unfuckable God, but all it takes is one extra enemy being alerted to your presence than you planned for, or a single failed block, to ruin your day and remind you that you are still a normal human being and not a supernatural video game war machine. If that kind of thing sounds less like a fun challenge and more like frustration to you, this is probably also not a game you will enjoy. Personally I really like it, and when I do get my shit kicked in it feels like it's my own fault for being too cocky and ill-prepared (great example: I never wear my helmet when I'm doing errands around town and talking to people because it seems rude as fuck but sometimes I forget to put it on when I travel and if I'm unlucky enough to run into a bandit ambush my head is now a very easy target). And that feels FAIR to me, unlike games where I fail because I didn't minmax enough or seek out some specific piece of OP gear that would allow me to cheese the situation instead of making use of my own skills and abilities.

I think it says a lot that this is one of the only games where I have considered doing a playthrough in Hardcore Mode, a mode that some games will include that is clearly designed for masochists who hate fun. But somehow, the idea of KCD in hardcore mode actually sounds the opposite to me, forcing me to REALLY pay attention to the gameplay systems I've largely become able to ignore by the lategame (I've literally had the Balanced Diet perk active for ingame weeks because it's so easy to keep my hunger between 80-90 just by eating from food pots). Whether I actually go through with it depends on how easily distracted I am (read: very) because I may just want to move on and play other games by the time I finish, but I can still see myself giving it another go someday and trying for those last elusive achievements.

In the end, I feel like KCD is one of those games, like Shadow of Mordor, where I'd love to see other RPGs take a page or two as reference. KCD's historical realism is one of the main things that sets it apart from your typical fantasy RPG, but I also think fantasy RPGs could benefit from those realistic elements (not just the need to eat/drink/sleep but also stuff like longer-lasting injuries, not being able to heal mid-combat, or people actually remembering and being pissed at you if you just robbed them blind the night before). But until that day comes, I'll settle for a KCD sequel.

—————————————— Divinity: Original Sin 2 (Steam) FINAL VERDICT: Unfinished ——————————————

I shouldn't even be playing this, since I've not yet finished the first one (still plan to, someday...I think I was like 2/3 through where I left off), but I grabbed it a little while back in a sale and started playing it with a friend.

As of this writing we're only just about to get off the introductory island and presumably end the first major story arc, so it's not really enough for a proper rating. However, it feels more or less like the first game, with a little more polish. The gameplay is pretty much exactly the same, and the writing has that same level of not taking itself too seriously. Feels like the kind of sequel that's basically 'it's the same core game but with a new story to tell', which isn't a bad thing, since the original was already quite good.

One major difference is that the characters seem more interesting this time around. In the first game, aside from the main duo that were basically just your own blank slate characters, you only had four other choices for your remaining two party members. I picked the mage and the archer since my main duo were a rogue and warrior type and I didn't want role overlap, but while the mage had a pretty robust and interesting backstory I thought the archer was a bit dull by comparison...and apparently that's because she and the rogue NPC were only added to the game later, so they weren't quite as enjoyably fleshed out as the mage and the warrior (who I didn't take). And even then, their stories felt a bit more...background? Sure, their personal quests tied into yours and you'd unravel bits and pieces along the way to help them resolve their own problems, but it never felt terribly integrated into the adventure of my main duo.

This time around, all the characters on the cover art are possible traveling companions with their own in-depth stories...but what's more, you can also choose to play as any one of them (or go the same route as the first game and just be your own character without a premade backstory). For my game with my friend we chose to play as two of the default characters, and are trying hard to stick to roleplaying in line with their backgrounds (and, also, villainous scoundrels). The interesting thing is that when you go that route you occasionally get in-character dialogue options that correspond to your character's backstory, in addition to the usual options. So while you're on one hand roleplaying as the character however you see fit, you also have the chance to explore the background story the creators envisioned for a particular NPC at the same time.

Again, I'm not really far enough to judge things like the story (though I am already a bit sick of how much has revolved around the dude I killed in the first story arc of the first game, like a thousand in-universe years before this game), but overall it feels like pretty much the same game as the first, just...a sequel. And again, that's not a bad thing. It's also fun to be doing it this time around in co-op, since the first game was so very clearly intended to be played that way too, but I was going it solo and just controlling both of the main characters (which made the occasional chances for disagreements between them very silly). Basically, if you like the first game, you'll probably like the second, but if you were hoping for something a little bit different than the first, you'd be disappointed.

—————————————— Conan Exiles (Steam) FINAL VERDICT: Bretty Gud ——————————————

Once again, I've been pulled in by a free weekend.

I'd heard various things about Conan Exiles...praise, complaints, and a lot of jokes about dick physics. But I've also been vaguely interested in it for seeming like ARK, minus the dinosaurs, but with the kind of satisfying third-person combat mechanics I like. So when it had a free (4-day!) weekend just before the start of the Steam holiday sale, I thought, why not give it a try?

I'll tell you why not - because it's ARK, minus the dinosaurs, but with the kind of satisfying third-person combat mechanics I like. In other words, the perfect ingredients to get me addicted to yet another survival/building game.

Now, I know next to nothing about Conan lore, but I also knew next to nothing about LoTR and I still had a blast playing Shadow of Mordor, so I knew that sometimes not having an extensive background of the source material can be okay. Conan Exiles is apparently extremely faithful to the original stories, and there is actually a LOT of lore sprinkled throughout the game. It's not unlike ARK's explorer notes, except they're all in English so I can actually read and understand them (turns out it's more engaging to read lore about a game within the game itself than on a wiki - who knew!!). And despite being an open-world survival/building game, it's also apparently got a concrete storyline with a concrete ending, which is pretty unheard of in this genre, so that's kinda cool.

At the moment I've only been playing in singleplayer. For the duration of the free weekend I chose to play completely vanilla - I don't like to mod games until I know the basic mechanics (so I know what sorts of things I'd LIKE to mod), but I also didn't touch any of the multipliers or anything either. I found the defaults a lot more forgiving than ARK's, but definitely still grindy. Once I decided to buy I started installing a couple mods and bumped my multipliers a bit. By that time I already had my current base built (though I'm thinking of moving) so I started just flying around in admin mode and building other stuff, particularly with modded structures (the Egyptian-style building kit was a lot of fun to play with).

The building mechanics are basically the same as ARK's, but refined and generally feel smoother. The snap points can still be a bit finicky but things seem to go where I want them to a lot more often than with ARK, and I've had a LOT less problems with my ceilings. The fact that the base game includes triangle pieces and didn't need to buy out a very popular mod to include them is also a plus. There's a bit more variety in pieces, too, like several different styles of roofing - not to mention the wealth of decoration items in the base game. Because of that this game seems to have a strong appeal to roleplayers, but to me it strongly appeals to my childhood fascination with LEGO and building crazy structures that I would then furnish and decorate with my other small non-LEGO toys. With ARK, unless you're lucky enough to find a server with a bunch of eco's mods, decoration options are sparse, so I really do appreciate all the clutter items the base game gives me to play with (and of course there are also mods that add hundreds more).

Then comes the part where the game feels like a totally different animal from ARK - general exploration and combat. In ARK, the main gameplay loop is taming stronger and stronger dinosaurs to perform harvesting tasks for you and to fight other dinosaurs or players. You can station them around your base to keep it safe from intruders, or start breeding OP ones to take into the boss arenas. The whole appeal of the game is to tame and ride dinosaurs, so aside from your first hour or so trying to survive on foot that's basically what you'll be using for all your traveling and fighting needs.

Of course, one of the main gameplay loops in Conan Exiles is capturing NPCs and having them run your crafting stations and guard your base, not unlike raising your dinos, and you can even capture baby animals and raise them as companions. But while you can bring (one) thrall or animal follower along with you on journeys, for the most part you are alone in these harsh lands surviving by your own skills. The most recent update introduced horses, but the riding controls leave a lot to be desired at the moment so I've mostly just been walking across the land on foot...which is harsh, and makes you really think about what you need when you set off on a long journey from home (food, water, healing items, tools, weapons, stuff to repair your equipment with if it breaks...and all of that stuff weighs you down if you haven't buffed your encumbrance, so coming back with your arms full of loot can be tricky).

While it can be a bit of a pain when you're accustomed to mount-based traveling in games like ARK, it does also solve one of ARK's biggest problems IMO - once you get a flier, you will never want to use anything else, and you can just avoid 99% of the danger on the map by flying everywhere. It's a problem I've started going out of my way to circumvent, but in Conan Exiles it's the default state. Even if they flesh out and improve mounts more, I think it'd be a bit awkward compared to solo traveling because the map is designed in such a way that you'll have to climb a lot of places, and I think that makes it a bit refreshing compared to ARK's 'you can get almost everywhere better and more safely on a dino's back so why would you ever risk otherwise' gameplay.

There's also a lot of fighting, and in my experience mounted combat is almost never good in any game that attempts it - especially if said game (like Conan Exiles) has a robust system of combos and dodging/blocking for normal combat, but mounted combat basically has to boil down to wildly swinging your weapon while also trying to maneuver around and both HIT the enemy and also not get hit BY the enemy. Seriously, the only game that I've played that did mounted combat RIGHT was Assassin's Creed Origins, because there were also mounted enemies everywhere, the horse was very easy to maneuver, and you got different weapon animations on horseback so you didn't have to deal with weird hitbox issues while trying to flail your weapon around blindly like an idiot. Also your horse actually did trample damage instead of ghosting through anything that crossed its hooves. Rant aside, I feel like it's the kind of game that was so thoroughly designed WITHOUT mounts in mind that having mounts would only make it feel weird, and running barefoot across the sand is an inherent part of the experience.

What I was going to say before I went off on a tangent was that combat in ARK - because you rely so heavily on your mounts - basically boils down to 'one button to chomp, one button to stomp'. If you're lucky the dino may even have a THIRD type of chomp/stomp/tail whip. It's very much a mash-attack-to-win affair where the stats of your creature matter more than your actual skill, which, to be fair, it's a game where breeding creatures with ideal stats IS part of the appeal so that's fine. But it can get a little boring to just go around on a rex and kill anything with a few chomps, where your only other 'ability' is a roar that's basically just cosmetic and has no special function.

Conan Exiles' combat is more of an actual feature of the game than a simple consequence of 'needing' to be able to hunt and kill things for the sake of survival and resource gathering. It's all about mixing up your light and heavy combos, of which different weapons have different types and also attack speeds. Different weapons may also have different abilities, like inflicting bleeding damage or slowing your enemy down. Which weapon you choose can come down to personal preference or experience, or it could be situational depending on where you're going and what you're planning to fight. For the first half of my playtime I basically stuck to dual-wielding daggers (dat bleed damage) but reached a point where I wanted something one-handed so I could use a shield and block arrows, or hold a torch when delving into caves and other dark places and still see what was attacking me. So I picked up an axe off a dead enemy and, despite being a lower tier than my steel daggers, was doing WAY more damage. Suddenly I felt like a God, mowing down an entire pirate ship full of enemies effortlessly when before I'd have to dodge out of the way long enough to eat some food and recover my health a bit while the bleeding damage slowly ticked away at them. From what I've read online, two-handed swords or pikes are 'the best' weapons, but I'm quite happy with my axe and my shield, and it makes me feel very fittingly barbarian-y as I hack my enemies to pieces, see them driven before me, and yadda yadda that one famous Conan quote.

As far as story progression and whatnot goes, I've only done the first dungeon and basically I'm just running around capturing thralls, pets, and looking for cool locations to build stuff. While I do think it's neat that the game has an actual 'progression' and a conclusive ending, I'm not too worried about it because that's not the reason I (or assumedly most people) play games like this. I'll probably get to it eventually...then again, I had more than 1000 hours in ARK before I fought a boss for the first time, so we'll see. I'm already starting to get a bit bored with singleplayer since I've started abusing my admin powers a bit too much, so I'd like to look for a decent server soon that's got some of the mods I like, but also won't force me into roleplaying with strangers. Ideally I'd love to be able to play with friends, but I don't know if any of my ARK friends would like it because it lacks the dinosaur appeal...so I might just have to venture off into the world by myself and...ugh. Talk to people, I guess.

Either way I am having fun, and I can see myself probably coming back to it when I just wanna chill out and BUILD something, much like I do in ARK.

[nayutai]

3 | Bulletproof

Word Count: 2678

Warnings: foul language and implied violence (this one is a bit of a reach but I’m adding it just in case)

A/N: This is more a filler chapter to set some things up for future chapters

Jungkook quietly sits in his seat as he watches his brothers throw curses back and forth. They haven’t fought like this in years. The six of them evenly divided on either side of the issue at hand while he can’t decide which side to join. He’s conflicted to say the least. On one hand, he can see why Hoseok, Yoongi, and Namjoon are adamantly opposing Jin’s suggestion. This Laila girl is a wild card that could flip on them at any second and with the information she knows there’s no way they’d end up anywhere but jail. On the other hand, Jungkook can see the reasoning behind Jin’s argument and why Jimin and Taehyung support him in it. While Laila does in fact know too much, there’s no better way to keep an eye on her than if she works with them. Her maternal lineage and all of the knowledge that it most definitely entails could also benefit the group as a whole to make them function more efficiently. The pros and cons of each argument are nearly even.

Everyone is so busy trying to prove their own point that none of them even notice when Jungkook quietly slips from the room. The youngest member grabs his car keys and his favorite hoodie from his room before slipping out into the night. His sleek sports car hugs the road as he drives to the address he’s had committed to memory ever since Yoongi first voiced his suspicions of Ms. Laila Song. He’d known from the start that, if it ever came down to it, he’d be the one that Jin would ask to take her out. That’s his forte. Quietly and quickly eliminating a target before they even realize that the dark presence they feel behind them is more than just their own imagination.

His mind goes over all of the possible entry points to Laila’s townhome that he remembers from the blueprints he’d stolen from the city planning office. Jungkook carefully parallel parks his car a little ways down the street. He’s close enough that he can see the soft glow of light coming from Laila’s living room, but far enough away that he knows she wouldn’t be able to see him if she were to look outside. His eyes scan the street, a mask covering the lower half of his face and his hands stuffed into the front pocket of his hoodie, as he walks up to the townhome. He makes to go for the back window that leads into her laundry room but the mental image of Kihyun hog tied in an alley quickly changes his mind.

Laila immediately goes on red alert at the sound of three short knocks on her front door. Cyn hisses in her lap as she senses the sudden change in Laila’s mood. Her entire body tenses up when whoever is at her door knocks again.

“Come on, Laila. I know you’re in there.” The stranger at her door whines. She doesn’t recognize the voice but whoever it is must be connected with Jin in some way or another. Laila doesn’t really have friends. Only Cyn and Miss Annie and one of them purrs so she’s not sure that counts.

She attempts to refocus her attention on the tv show she’s been binging on all day but the whiny stranger at the door continues to demand her attention. She swears that he’s worse than her cat. Laila rolls her eyes, moving Cyn to the couch cushion next to her among much protest before warily padding her way to the door. She lets her eyes rest on the hiding places of the various weapons at her disposal. Well-hidden yet easily accessible to those who know where they are. She freaks out a little when she peeks through the peephole only to see a giant eyeball already pressed against it.

She recognizes the man at her door from her uncle’s files when he backs away. Jeon Jungkook. Main vocalist of BTS and contract killer. From what she’s read, he likes to be up close and personal when he takes care of business. The man in question grins widely when Laila swings the door open. For a second, Laila has a hard time believing that the child in front of her could be anywhere near as deadly as her uncle described in his notes. It’s when she really looks into his eyes that she realizes that his true power lies in his perceived innocence. His cuteness is incredibly disarming but there’s something in his eyes that belies the dark stain on his soul. It’s a hard edge that doesn’t quite belong.

“Can I help you, Jungkook?” She questions with a hand on her hip. The tinkling sound of bells can be heard as Cyn winds her way around her ankles, sniffing at their unwanted visitor warily before deciding that he’s okay.

The feline is purring loudly as she demands attention but Laila doesn’t dare take her eyes off of Jungkook for a single second. She knows as well as he does that he would only need a second to end her. Jungkook seems like he’s gotten a shock or smelled something bad. His face is all twisted up but just as Laila opens her mouth to ask questions his megawatt smile returns.

“Is that Shameless?” He asks excitedly after catching a glimpse of the tv screen, ducking under Laila’s arm. She’s so surprised that her words fail her as she watches Jungkook kick his sneakers off and make himself comfy on her love seat. “Carl is my fucking hero. Fuck Debbie though. She can choke.” Laila rolls her eyes as she shuts and locks her front door once more.

Jungkook’s eyes are trained on the screen but he notices Laila’s movements in his peripheral vision. His hands are loose and ready in his lap as he prepares himself for any sudden movement. He’s in awe of the way she seems to glide across the hardwood floor. Her bare feet barely make a sound as she crosses the room. The way she walks is reminiscent of the Bengal cat that she owns, graceful yet powerful. Part of him wonders if she could teach him how to move that soundlessly.

“I’m only going to say this once, but I agree. Carl is amazing and Debbie ain’t shit.” Jungkook snorts in agreement. He lets out an excited noise when Cyn leaps into his lap and makes herself comfortable.

Laila figures that she may as well take this opportunity to weasel information out of Jungkook while she can. He seems like the type that’ll accidentally spill a secret or two if you play him right and Laila has always loved games. Laila is about to launch her first attack when Jungkook beats her to the punch once again.

“Jin wants you to work with us.” The weight of Jungkook unexpected statement slams into Laila with all the force of a speeding bullet train. That wasn’t even on the list of possible things that she’d predicted might come out of his mouth. Not even close.

“He wants me to what?” She asks incredulously. There’s no way in hell she heard that right. Work with Kim Seokjin? That’s got to be a fancy way of saying he’s going to put a price on her head. There’s no way it’s not.

“He wants you to work with us like be on payroll and everything.” Jungkook rambles on about the different “job opportunities” that she could undertake on the team. Combat training, negotiations, “sales”, the list never seems to end. Laila begins to wish that the young man was actually here to kill her instead. It would be a hell of a lot easier to go on the run than to be in the upper echelon of one of the biggest crime syndicates since her mother left the game in the 90s.

Hysterical laughter bubbles up out of Laila’s chest. Her cackling jolts Cyn out of the peaceful slumber she’d slipped into while Jungkook’s words trail off. He cocks his head to the side in confusion as Laila nearly rolls of the couch. What could possibly be that funny?

“That has got to be the dumbest shit I’ve ever heard in my entire life.” Laila gasps out in between each staggered breath. Jungkook pouts cutely. He was starting to get excited about working with her the more he talked about it but Laila doesn’t seem too interested to say the least.

“I’m sorry for laughing but Jin has officially lost his damn mind if he thinks that I’m about to join his merry band of criminals.” Deciding that she’s had enough entertainment for the night, Laila switches her tv off and rises from the couch. She stretches her arms over her head and politely tells Jungkook to leave.

“I’m not leaving until you tell me why you don’t want to work with us.” Jungkook replies from his spot on the love seat that he has yet to vacate. He crosses his arms like a petulant child. Bottom lip poked out and everything.

“Oh my god I don’t fucking have time for this.” Laila sits back down on the couch, reaching down between the cushions to her right. Jungkook is wary and his suspicion is quickly justified when a knife embeds itself in the back of the couch, barely a millimeter shy of the smooth skin of his neck. The cat in his lap doesn’t even flinch at the whistling noise of the blade as if this is a normal occurrence. “You either leave on your own or I’ll bury you outback. Take your pick.”

Jungkook decides then and there that he would serve this woman his heart on a silver platter. Call him twisted, but the fact that she nearly ended his life just then has all of the blood rushing to his dick. Laila doesn’t know it yet, but all she’s done is strengthen his determination.

“Fine, I’ll leave.” Cyn whines at being disturbed as Jungkook rises to his feet. He moves to stand in front of her, smirking at the way she tilts her head back to look up at him. Her hand tightens around what’s most likely another knife as he tucks a few of her braids behind her right ear. “But I have a feeling that we’ll be seeing each other again very soon.”

The wide smile that covers his face sends chills down Laila’s spine. It’s sinister. Dark. She contemplates shoving the knife in her hand between his ribs but something in her tells her that no matter how at ease Jungkook looks, she probably wouldn’t get half the chance to carry out such a plan.

“Goodbye, Jungkook.” She grits out. He grins at her once more, scratching Cyn between the ears one final time before heading out the door.

Jungkook had figured that everyone would blow his phone up when they finally stopped arguing long enough to realize that he’d left which is precisely why he’d left his phone in his car. Sure enough, the amount of missed calls is dangerously close to hitting triple digits. The phone vibrates in his hand with a new call from Jimin.

“Fucking finally! Where did you go you twat?” Jimin screeches into his ear.

“Jimin, I’m in love.” Jungkook answers with a dopey grin on his face as he eases his car out of the parking space. He fills Jimin in on his little adventure as he weaves his way through traffic on the highway.

“First of all, you’re a dick for not taking me with you.” Jimin starts, obviously feeling some type of way at being left out of Jungkook’s plans. “Second of all, is she as hot as she looks in these surveillance videos?”

“If someone told me she was actually Aphrodite, I’d believe them.” Jungkook answers. Laila’s face floats across his memory as he recalls just how breathtaking she was in person. The plush fullness of her lips. Her smooth skin a rich brown that had almost seemed to glow wherever the light touched it. Even the way her slender fingers had gripped the handle of the knife she’d launched at him had been beautiful.

*   *   *

Several smacks to the back of his head and neck along with indignant shouts is how Jungkook is welcomed back home. He scowls at his brothers as he wards off a few stray hits from Hoseok and Jimin. They’re all lucky that he loves them.

“Jimin told us where you went you fucker and honestly you’ve got some nerve not taking me with you.” Taehyung proclaims as he flops down on the couch with his Nintendo switch.

“I was planning to break in and you wouldn’t know how to be quiet if I paid you. This is why you’re not allowed to bring people home anymore.” Hoseok falls over into Namjoon’s lap as Taehyung pouts. Jungkook pushes Tae’s legs over to make room for himself on the expensive leather couch.

“You said you were planning to break in so does that mean you didn’t?” Namjoon questions. He’s always reading between the lines which is why he’s the one that does all the heavy negotiating. Nothing gets by him.

“I knocked on the door like a normal person. The thought of ending up Kihyun told me that was the better option.” Namjoon nods in concession to his point. No one wants to end up like Kihyun.

Jungkook turns to the eldest of their merry band of misfits who is currently leaning over the back of the couch totally enraptured with whatever game Taehyung is playing.

“I told her you want her to work with us. She said it’s the dumbest idea she’s ever heard.” Jin’s eyes lift to Jungkook’s face and the youngest member can almost see the gears turning in Jin’s head.

“See there Jin. I told you your idea was stupid.” Hoseok dodges the pillow that Jin flings at him as he happily stuffs chips in his mouth.

Jin straightens as his mind races with possible next steps. Six pairs of eyes follow his every movement when he starts pacing back and forth along the length of the couch. He freezes mid step when the perfect solution comes to him. He can’t believe that he didn’t think of it before now. They leave for Japan for a week in the morning so his plan will have to wait till then but there’s no way this won’t work.

“Hobi, Tae, you two are up when we get back from Japan.” Jin instructs much to Hoseok’s displeasure. Taehyung is only too excited to finally get to lay eyes on the Laila Song. He even pauses his game to voice his appreciation. Hoseok on the other hand would rather eat glass.

“This is fucked. Why do we have to go?” he demands, standing from his seat immediately. Chips fly from his open bag as he animatedly waves his arms around in frustration.

Jin shuts him down with a single look. “You two numb nuts are the most persuasive out of all of us and I refuse to be turned down twice so whether you like it or not, you’re going.”

Hoseok continues to mumble under his breath but he knows not to continue to arguing with Jin. An idea on how to take care of Ms. Song before they return from Japan suddenly comes to him and just like Jungkook did earlier, Hoseok slips from the room to make a phone call. Light breathing on the other end is the only indication that his call has been answered. Hoseok rattles off a price and Laila’s address.

“Done.” Hoseok smiles slyly. Fuck Jin if he thinks he’s about to waste his energy trying to convince that problem with tits to take part in his livelihood. He doesn’t trust her and never will and Jin’s a fool for not doing this earlier. Jin might be the leader around here, but even leaders make messes sometimes that need to be cleaned up.

[voleuxe]

LAYER  001 : THE  OUTSIDE.

NAME.   Ludivine Rose Alexander / Lucy Renee Caldwell

EYE COLOR.   Hazel, on the golden-brown end of things.

HAIR STYLE / COLOR.  Chocolate brown, falls in natural loose waves down between her shoulder blades, often styled with added curls to accentuate the natural waves & she wears it loose a lot in her daytime tasks; favors a single braid down the center when she needs it out of her face, though will sometimes opt for a high ponytail instead. Styling it for events is like a whole event in itself for her, she goes all out (fancy twists, hair acessories, etc.)

HEIGHT.   5′8″.  

CLOTHING STYLE.   In a nutshell, expensive. She was raised with that in-the-limelight (albeit not full fame, just significant notoriety) and is therefore fairly appearance-conscious, i.e. knowing that one “down day” can have people questioning your abilities, especially if you’re a woman. ((Don’t get her started on that double standard. She plays by the rules most of the time with it, but absolutely despises how the focus of her efforts can be totally ignored in favor of her wardrobe. The worst part is that she does, for the most part, enjoy fancy dress --it’s more or less her artistic outlet-- but the whole Thing around it and how it affects the perception of her effectiveness as a leader is supremely irritating for her.)) She favors understated jewelry most of the time, though has been known to go big with necklaces now and then.

All that said, she’s also a sucker for a good t-shirt/jeans combo. She will ‘borrow’ your shirt given the opportunity.

BEST PHYSICAL FEATURE. Tossup for eyes/smile.

LAYER  002 : THE  INSIDE.

HER FEARS.  Betrayal, isolation (being left all alone), and... this just occurred to me but failure, really. Not because it would mean losing her nice things or anything, but because it’s like...this has been her whole life, if she can’t succeed at holding this life together, then...

HER  GUILTY  PLEASURE.  Revenge. There’s some darker piece of her heart that takes genuine joy in being able to pay someone back for pain and disaster they’ve caused, and she’s not particularly comfortable with the moments in her life when that facet has caught the light in full.

HER BIGGEST  PET  PEEVE.  Dismissal and disrespect. Everyone has something to offer, who are you to shut her or anyone else down?

HER AMBITIONS FOR THE FUTURE. To form and maintain positive relationships, to ‘prove’ herself to others, to honor and defend her family & pride, to gain love, to eliminate hardship and suffering in others, to seek ‘adventure’. (And if all of that sounds a little goalless it’s because...I mean, she’s at the top of the chain in her life right now, it’s really more of maintaining at this point, fixing what doesn’t work and otherwise just holding your ground. Staying power.((Not getting bored.)))

LAYER  003 : THOUGHTS.

HER  FIRST  THOUGHTS  WAKING  UP.   Nothing super coherent but a lot of vague grumpiness. She’s not really a morning person (mostly because she’s got the whole doble-schedule thing going. Lots of late nights.)

WHAT  SHE  THINKS  ABOUT  MOST.    I... don’t know? It’s actually really uncommon for her to have super regular patterns in any aspect of her life (aside from like, going to work daily) so the idea of recurring/persistent thoughts is..equally unlikely I think? She’s really in-the-moment in general -- her thoughts circle around what’s happening, so if she avoids doing too much of the same thing it stands to reason she wouldn’t be thinking too much about the same things either. (Which is probably good because if she didn’t she’d probably linger a lot over her brother and I...may have a mean-ish plot about that soon.)

WHAT  SHE  THINKS  ABOUT  BEFORE  BED.  The events of the day. It’s just like a decompression thing, helps her order what’s going on and keep track of what needs keeping.

SHE  THINKS  HER  BEST  QUALITY  IS.   Loyalty. Or maybe determination. She’s very proud of herself in general, really.

LAYER  004 :   WHAT’S  BETTER ?

SINGLE  OR  GROUP  DATES.   Single.

TO  BE  LOVED  OR  RESPECTED.   Respected (she was very specific; “Love is valuable, but if you don’t have respect for the people you love you’re not honoring it.”)

BEAUTY  OR  BRAINS.   "Either one without a soul is wasted.” (Again, very specific about this. I don’t think she likes the questions.)

DOGS  OR  CATS.   (No preference.)

LAYER  005 :   DOES  SHE…

LIE.   Constantly. Mostly by omission, but directly as well. It’s worth noting, her lies are almost always in the name of maintaining her double life. She won’t lie about 'what matters’ - though, that can be a difficult line to define. In any case, she may lie but she won’t double cross you.

EDIT: I’m like three days later with this but I needed to say that in cases with people who already know about her double standing ( @reapxrs , Emery @siondacait , and people in her life like Chris & Mallory, etc.), or whom she would have no reason to hide from them ( like @talktoten ) she doesn’t lie very often if at all. Given the chance, she wants to be honest with you, it’s really just the matter of caution and wisdom that she must. ((And she..really almost wasn’t ever given the choice not to lead a double life, really. Given, you can argue she could come clean and stop living the way she does but... pft.))

BELIEVE  IN  HERSELF.   Yes.

BELIEVE  IN  LOVE.   Yes.

WANT  SOMEONE.  ‘Main’ verse (aka “canon” if I ever put her down in a book) would puther in a relationship with Chris, so No in that regard, but when it comes to platonic relationships the answer is always, always yes.

And in the case of being multi-verse/not really having a set in stone story because RP is naturally fluid, she’s not really ever actively looking, but if there was chemistry and moments and flirting (for the love of god, so much flirting, I hate her) then it’s not something she’d snub either.

LAYER  006 : HAS  SHE  EVER…

BEEN  ON  STAGE.   Yes.

DONE  DRUGS.   Yes. (Not with intent. (Although realistically alcohol is a drug so on that front I guess it’s technically still yes..))

CHANGED  WHO  SHE  WAS  TO  FIT  IN.   Not to fit in, per se, but to try and reach the (impossible) standards of a former mentor, yes. She has tried to be a much colder, detached version of herself several times, in fact, searching for her belonging in her family history and her brother’s syndicate, but really can’t manage it any more than it fools anyone.

LAYER  007 : FAVORITES.

FAVORITE  COLOUR.   Soft pinks and rich golds, and, honestly, just about anything shimmery.

FAVORITE  ANIMAL.   No generic favorite animal, but bias intact her dog Delilah and her cat Sampson are her favorite animals. She loves them equally, she will not pick between them.

FAVORITE  BOOK.   ??? (I cannot, for the life of me, figure this out. It’s on so many character questionnaires but she either doesn’t have one or simply refuses to disclose it.)

FAVORITE  GAME.   ...Does sparring count as a game? In any case, fight her for fun. She loves that.

LAYER  008 :   AGE.

DAY  HER  NEXT  BIRTHDAY  WILL  BE.   November 26th (a Monday this year, ew.)

HOW  OLD  WILL  SHE  BE.   24.

LAYER  009 : FINISH  THE  SENTENCE.

I  LOVE  my family.

I  FEEL   responsible.

I  HIDE   what I have to.

I  MISS   my brother.

I  WISH  to honor all that I can.

tagged by stolen from: @sampatii

tagging: Everyone. No one. (Steal it and @ me >:) )

[xfilesnews]

‘The X-Files: Cold Cases’ Recap and Review

By Keva Andersen. For a fandom that’s always looking for more adventures of Mulder and Scully, Joe Harris and Audible delivered with “The X-Files: Cold Cases” on July 18. The audiobook is based on the Season 10 comics from IDW Publishing written by Harris and executive produced by Chris Carter that were released starting in 2013. The stories take place after I Want to Believe but before the television Season 10 that aired in 2016. You don’t need to be familiar with the comics to get enjoyment out of the audiobook, as the stories are more fleshed out than they were on the page. I had read the issues when they first came out so I could picture some of the scenes very easily, and while that was entertaining, I know I would have been fine without it. There are six chapters in total, with a brief introductory chapter, and then five different story arcs. Like the TV series, there is some mythology and some “monster of the week” throughout the chapters but there is a definite through-line idea throughout the whole experience.

So does what does this comic-book-turned-radio-play experience have in store? Does The X-Files work well in audio format? Find out more after the jump.

We’ll begin our recap with Chapter 2, as the story starts there, after an introduction in Chapter 1. Chapter 2 follows the “Believers” arc in issues 1 through 5 of the Season 10 comics. This first story is very much a mytharc story and a nice reintroduction of our heroes. We find Mulder and Scully living together as a married couple with the last name Blake. They’ve been hidden by the witness protection program. Scully is working as a doctor and Mulder appears to be writing his memoirs. Walter Skinner, now deputy director, finally, gets in touch with the pair after a security breach at the FBI shows someone or something is looking for information on agents who had been assigned to the X-Files. 

After their meeting, Scully is attacked at her clinic while Mulder saves Skinner from an attack by the same group.  

As the story weaves on, some familiar faces return. We get brief flashes of Agents Doggett and Reyes, now separated but still affected by their ties to the X-Files. We dig up the Lone Gunmen, literally, in a bunker under Arlington National Cemetery and find that they’ve been working to help the government in exchange for witness protection. Old Smokey is back too, but unlike in the TV series, this version of the Cigarette Smoking Man appears to be some type of clone that doesn’t always function very well. Some elements of the old mythology like missing time and magnetite make a good jumping off point for the introduction of a new alien force known as the Acolytes. And despite everything Scully did to try and keep him safe, William is still very much of interest to these Acolytes. The action of the story takes us to the wilderness of Wyoming and ends with a showdown between Scully, Mulder, and this new faction.

At the end, Scully meets with the FBI’s OPR to try and explain what happened in Wyoming and asks to be reactivated. We hear from the CSM again and get more of an idea of what he’s really become and how the Syndicate may be using him now. We end with a sweet moment between Mulder and Scully at home.

“Cold Cases” gets off to a very strong start with this chapter, if you’re a fan of the mytharc. I love that we’re “seeing” so many familiar faces and getting back to some of the weirder alien elements. I think having the CSM be some sort of clone makes a lot more sense than the way we saw him onscreen in the TV series’ Season 10. It can get frustrating to have Mulder and Scully separated for so much of the action but hearing how they fight to get back to each other warms the heart. It’s not The X-Files if we don’t get a few good SCULLLAAAYYYYYYYYY’s!

Though we see Scully taken again, she manages to fight for herself just fine. She gets to kick a lot of ass in this and I’ve missed that side of her. I also think Mulder’s weird sense of humor is captured well. The biggest thing I took issue with, however, was the re-working of William’s parentage. The “I forgot she had a baby” and the constant “my son” made me want to put my foot through a wall. I think it’s fine to play with canon but we do know that William is their son, not just hers. Overall, I think the thing I liked most about this chapter is that we see how it’s possible to have tension while keeping Mulder and Scully in a committed relationship. They’ve grown as characters and them being together doesn’t overwhelm the story. No breakup or stupid dates with Tad needed.

Chapter 3 takes us back into Monster of the Week territory and follows Issues 6 and 7 titled “Hosts.” The title alone should tell you exactly which monster from the past pops up in this one.

We start in Mulder’s old stomping grounds of Martha’s Vineyard where a young woman is attacked while swimming. Mulder and Scully share a cute moment in the basement office before meeting their new assistant director, Anna Morales. Morales assigns them the case, which looks suspiciously similar to one they dealt with years before, good ol’ flukeman. Morales sends Scully to re-examine Fluky while Mulder heads to the Vineyard to investigate. There he meets a sheriff who happens to be from Ukraine, and who has more insight into this monster than he initially lets on. Mulder gets to do most of the field work in this one, but as usual lands himself in a world of hurt that Scully has to fix for him. Before he gets hurt Mulder discovers that Fluky wasn’t exactly the only one of his kind.

I think “Hosts” is a fun jump back into the world of monsters. Flukeman is a good choice, in that Scully joked that would be the one thing she would change if given the chance. I also enjoyed the backstory of the creature, though I felt at times it dragged on a little too long. The Mulder and Scully banter is pretty great as well, though I could have done without the “Mulder scoping out the beach babes” bit. Getting back in the autopsy bay with Scully was a blast, and while, again, it was kind of a bummer to have our heroes separated, they kept things moving nicely with all the phone conversations so it wasn’t too bad. The line “we now have flukemen crawling out of every inlet of the sewage chamber” will keep you up at night.

Chapter 4 follows Issue 8 and is titled “Being for the Benefit of Mr. X” so I bet you can guess which ghost shows up in this episode. We start off with more basement banter and a snoozing Mulder who claims he was meditating instead. Their sparring is interrupted by mysterious beeping messages on Mulder’s phone. The last one is a garbled voice that sends him to his old apartment at Hegal Place. This sends Mulder chasing the ghost of his old informant after the things they find at #42 seem to be more than just coincidence. The original Mr. X is still very much dead and his clone has a physiology we’ve seen before. We get some great insight into X’s backstory and how he almost went public with what he knew back in 1987 but Deep Throat had talked him out of it. The look at how far the Syndicate would go to test their work is truly disturbing.

I enjoyed the historical aspect of this episode, especially the part about how X ended up pointed towards Mulder. We know a little bit about what Mulder was up to before he and Scully were partners, so, for me, any additional insight is welcome. The school shooting with the test subjects can be pretty hard to listen to, and I found myself thinking it would have worked just as well to choose some other horror to demonstrate how far the Syndicate would go with their goals. In an episode that’s pretty dark overall, I think that made Frohike’s eavesdropping on Mulder and Scully’s phone call that much funnier. It makes you wonder what else he’s heard over the years….. I will say, I definitely missed Steven Williams as X and Jerry Hardin as Deep Throat.

Chapter 5 is the shortest of the book, and probably also my least favorite. The story is based off Issue 10 and is titled “More Musings of a Cigarette Smoking Man.” In an effort to learn more about the man he is supposed to be, the clone of CGB Spender is sorting through an archive. We follow the CSM through the Bay of Pigs in 1961, Homestead Air Force Base in 1962, Fort Bragg in 1970, Rhode Island in 1965, the State Department in 1972, and back to the present day. We learn more about his interactions with Bill Mulder, Teena Mulder, and young Fox. The memory with Cassandra Spender is heartbreaking and shows how broken that relationship was from the start. The ending explains more about what this CSM really is, and how little power he has compared to the original. He’s but a tool of Prime Elder. He may look like the Cancer Man of old but this time he’s a pawn in the game.

I’ll admit I’m not much of a fan of the TV episode “Musings of a Cigarette Smoking Man” so I wasn’t too excited about this one as it started. But for fans of the CSM, I think it’s a must-listen. William B. Davis does an excellent job, Spender’s words are just as slimy and loaded as they are on screen. I did appreciate getting more of the backstory of Spender, and I love that he’s back in a way that seems more plausible than “Nah, we just burned part of him even though you watched his flesh burn away from his skull in 2002.” I also like that despite the fact that this is a CSM heavy episode, Mulder and Scully are still part of the action by introducing us to the story and bouncing ideas around.

Chapter 6 is the longest of the episodes and brings us back into heavy mytharc territory. Titled “Pilgrims,” this follows Issues 11 through 15. We begin, like any good X-Files episode, with Mulder’s underwear. Ok, maybe we shouldn’t start every episode that way but it’s pretty funny. Mulder and Scully have been called to Saudi Arabia to investigate an incident at an oil drill site. At first, the agents seem curious as to why they’ve been called in for such an incident, but as we all know, if there’s oil involved, it’s probably an X-File. Assistant Director Morales is back, and she accompanies the agents to the oil field to investigate. Of course, they don’t turn up much there, but Mulder is up to his old evidence-stealing tricks. He takes a card containing video of the incident he believes to have been edited. The agents go their separate ways, with Mulder headed to make contact with the Gunmen and Scully meeting with a woman who was injured in the incident at the oil field. After they split is when things start to get truly interesting. Another ghost from XF past appears, and who should it be? When I consult the notes I was taking while listening, all it says is ALEX FREAKING KRYCEK!!!! But as with our other returned-from-the-dead nemeses, Krycek isn’t exactly as he seems either. As the story unfolds, it would seem Krycek hasn’t been who we thought he was for a very very long time. Though just when you think he’s back, those pesky aliens come calling again.

With the black oil on the loose, Mulder and Scully head to the desert in search of UFOs. You’d think Mulder would have learned his lesson by now, but no. This time, it’s Scully’s turn to get abducted. Thankfully, the aliens were kind enough to drop both her and Krycek outside the Lone Gunmen’s bunker. We also get a return to Skinner’s apartment, who seems thrilled to have a chance to torment Krycek all over again. 

Mulder is still in Saudi Arabia trying to make his way back to Scully but ends up an unlucky host to the black oil. This time the being made of black oil has a name, Sheltem.

Sheltem-as-Mulder makes his way home to Scully, who at first believes this to be Mulder but soon realizes her mistake. Sheltem is familiar in that he’s of the black oil but different in that he’s part of a race called the forsaken ones. After more disappearances and reappearances by both aliens and Syndicate, the story comes to a close in a familiar place, Skyland Mountain. 

The tension builds to the very end, with new alien factions warring with those we’ve seen before, the Faceless Rebels. The chapter ends with some answers, but also plenty of questions, and another look at what CSM has become.

As far as mytharc goes, I thought this chapter was really well done. The blending of the old with newer ideas works well to keep things moving. I did question at first Mulder’s possession by Sheltem. If memory serves me correctly, he should be immune to the black oil after his exposure in Russia. But it seems that Sheltem is “different” enough that I could stretch to let that go. I was also glad there was one element they changed slightly from the comics. The comics insinuated that Scully had sex with Sheltem-as-Mulder, thinking he was Mulder, and that he hurt her, which I found really unnecessary. The X-Files has a history of problematic consent scenes, like “Small Potatoes” and “Post-Modern Prometheus” and I think they made the right choice in not including that scene in the audiobook beyond just a kiss.

Having Krycek return was fantastic, but Nick Lea was sorely missed. I loved how they traced Krycek’s abduction all the way back to the 1013 silo from Season 3’s “Apocrypha.” It would seem then that none of his actions from poisoning Skinner with the nanobots, to selling Mulder out with the UFO in “Requiem,” to his actions in “Existence” were all the work of this clone from the Syndicate, and not Krycek himself.

It also wouldn’t be an X-Files episode without someone making some kind of joke about Mulder’s porn habits. I’m sure David Duchovny was thrilled that that joke made its way from TV to audio. I also got a kick out of Scully’s “I should pull the fire alarm more often.” I liked that she got to take charge of the investigation at points, and how she knew the faceless rebels were coming at the end. A nice throwback to “The Red and the Black.”

A few final thoughts now that we’ve wrapped up the series. I liked the stories, but at times I found them a little hard to follow. Though, I also found myself getting so engrossed in the story I couldn’t listen while driving because I would get too distracted! And while I’m sure voice acting in a booth by yourself without your co-stars isn’t easy, I did find Mulder and Scully to be a little stiff at times. I think the quality of some of the dialogue they were given probably added to that. But they did have some great moments of banter between the two of them and let’s be real, I’d listen to Mulder and Scully read the phone book at this point. Mulder’s sarcasm and deadpan humor comes through really well, and I appreciated that Scully got the chance to be snarky and funny as well. Also, because it’s audio, there’s even more exposition than we’d get on the TV series which sometimes feels silly.

Of all the stars who returned to their characters, I think Mitch Pileggi knocked it out of the park. His Skinner felt spot on to me, just as gruff and no-nonsense as we’ve come to expect. His interactions with Krycek were some of my favorite things. It was a joy to have Tom Braidwood, Dean Haglund, and Bruce Harwood back as the Lone Gunmen, as well as William B. Davis, and they also felt pretty in character as well. I do think it’s a shame that for whatever reason they weren’t able to get Robert Patrick, Annabeth Gish, and Nick Lea to reprise their roles as Doggett, Reyes, and Krycek. Having other actors playing those voices we knew so well was really distracting, to the point I sometimes forgot who was supposed to be talking.

Overall, I really enjoyed the series and I think it’s well worth a listen for any fan of the show. Small criticisms or no, it’s a fun ride and makes a great accompaniment to any road trip or other places you might take an audio book. If “Cold Cases” left you hungry from more, you’re in luck. Audible has announced a second book in the series. “The X-Files: Stolen Lives” will be available on October 3, 2017. You can pre-order it here.  So, we’ve got that to look forward to as we wait for Season 11 to air in 2018.

[wbwest]

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West Week Ever: Pop Culture In Review - 7/7/17

I took last week off, but I hope y’all had a great 4th of July weekend. Life’s still kinda kicking my ass, so this’ll be an abridged edition this week.

I finally got around to watching a movie! It’s been on my list since I first heard it was in pre-production, and I’m amazed it took me this long to watch it, considering my love for the source material. The Founder stars Michael Keaton as Ray Kroc, the “founder” of McDonald’s who really just stole the concept from the McDonald Brothers. A down-on-his-luck shake machine salesman, Kroc happens upon the fledgling McDonald’s restaurant in Southern California. Knowing a good thing when he saw it, he pretty much insisted on becoming a part of the operation, mainly focused on franchising the business. And that’s when things get interesting. I LOVE McDonald’s. You can hate me all you want, but like Jim Gaffigan says, “Everyone has their own McDonald’s”. Mine just happens to be the actual company. I don’t know enough about the history of the company to know how factual an account the movie was, but it was sure damn entertaining. Keaton is amazing in it, and I feel like anyone would enjoy the movie even if they think they don’t give a rat’s ass about McDonald’s as a company. I highly recommend this film.

We finally got our first trailer for Marvel’s Inhumans, and now I realize why they were so hesitant to release it. MY GOD THIS LOOKS TERRIBLE! It looks like Into The Badlands – a show that I hate because people fawn over it when it looks like something that would’ve aired after Xena on Saturday afternoons 20 year ago. Yeah, I even told one of the Badlands creators that when he confronted me over my “appraisal” on Twitter. Badlands is a bad show, but it gets “diversity points”, so folks give it a pass. This show doesn’t even get diversity right, so it’s really just a shitshow in the making. I hate hate HATE that this is considered an official part of the MCU, even if it’s just a part of the never-referenced TV wing. Anyway, this trainwreck debuts in IMAX on September 1st, but will officially air on ABC beginning September 22nd.

Speaking of diversity points, CBS lost all of theirs when they let the Asians go from Hawaii Five-O last weekend. Daniel Dae Kim and Grace Park both left the show after salary negotiations broke down as they requested pay equal to their costars. I’ve never seen more than 15 minutes of that show, but I know the dude from Lost seemed pretty important to things. He was basically the White guys’ interpreter to all things native. CBS has claimed that they offered them sizable increases, which weren’t deemed acceptable to Park and Kim. Now the Five-O showrunner, Peter Lenkov, is now joining the side of the network, saying that CBS made “generous offers” to the stars, yet they decided not to renew their contracts.

This has turned into a discussion of race in Hollywood and how things still aren’t equal across the board. I’m a big fan of billing. Billing is important, and should go to the most well-known star. It’s the reason all the ’89 Batman posters say “Jack Nicholson” first. Dude was a bigger star. Now, I didn’t watch Lost and I didn’t watch Battlestar Galactica, but I still recognize Kim and Park from those shows. Maybe it’s just because I’m a geek and folks were always talking about those shows. The show’s star, Alex O’Loughlin? I can’t name a thing he’s been in. Don’t know that dude from Adam. And the other lead? James Caan’s kid? Whatever. Y’all mean you couldn’t pony up the cash to keep Lost Dude and Battlestar Girl? We’re not talking about big names here so, unless there was a favored nations clause where O’Loughlin would have to get a raise if they got raises, thereby thwarting the whole “equality” thing, I don’t see what the problem was. As has been pointed out, all O’Loughlin and Caan had to do was stand in solidarity with their costars and this would’ve been a non-issue. Word on the street it O’Loughlin is quitting at the end of the season anyway, so it’s not like we’re talking another 5 years here. He couldn’t keep his ego in check for a season? Nah, for too many folks, as long as they’ve got theirs, they don’t care if you’ve got yours.

We also got a trailer for Pitch Perfect 3, forcing me to reiterate that NOT EVERYTHING NEEDS TO BE A TRILOGY. I know everyone involved likes money, but sometimes there are natural, built-in ends to things. That thing was a 2-movie franchise and that’s it. Don’t forget – I lived that life. I was in the same competition the Bellas won in the first film (we came in 2nd), and I experienced the aca-graduation blues that the girls experienced in the second film. That’s pretty much it. There’s nowhere else to go. I mean, sure there are some random outlier outcomes. One of my groupmates is a hit producer in Asia now. Another is a pretty big pop star in Hong Kong. The rest of us? Dead-end jobs and bills. I used to occasionally do karaoke, but even that got to be too depressing. That shit is fun while it lasts, and then you’ve got to move on. So, in that vein, I can understand the plot of the 3rd movie, with the girls wanting to have one last hurrah, but I don’t really understand the concept of putting them on a USO tour. Is that something the troops wanna see? Has Pentatonix been dropped into the theater of war? It just seems kinda farfetched to me, and I was fine with how things were left in the last movie. Sure, I’ll see it, but it won’t be in a theater.

Things You Might Have Missed This Week

Hide grandma’s wallet – QVC is buying out Home Shopping Network.

After 3 seasons, The Carmichael Show has been canceled by NBC. I really wish someone else would snatch it up, as it’s a smart show

Netflix has renewed Dear, White People for a 2nd season. Meanwhile, they canceled Girlboss after one season. Reed Hastings giveth and he taketh away.

Speaking of Netflix, hearing the cries of fans, Sense8 will officially conclude with a 2-hour finale special

Netflix also renewed one of my favorite original shows, F is For Family, for a 3rd season.

Apparently a series based on the popular Step Up film series, called Step Up: High Water, will premiere on YouTube Red, where absolutely NOBODY is gonna watch it.

Fuller House season 3 will coincidentally premiere on the 30th anniversary of Full House, September 22nd.

Make your vacations weird again, as Cirque du Soleil has purchased Blue Man Group.

Patton Oswalt is engaged to 80s actress Meredith Salenger. Ya know, the same Patton whose wife died last year. I guess we all grieve in our own ways…

Lack of interest brought down The House, which bombed at the box office last weekend. It was reportedly Will Ferrell’s lowest live-action opening for a major studio.

Nick Fury will reportedly be making his MCU return in 2019’s Captain Marvel

HBO is reportedly getting the True Detective band back together, with a 3rd season to star Mahershala Ali

Nixing speculation that she was still up for the White House Press Secretary job, Kimberly Guilfoyle has reupped her contract with Fox News

Rob Lowe and his sons will chase the supernatural in The Lowe Files, and I literally cannot wait.

New game show, Snap Decision, premieres August 7th. Hosted by David Allen Grier, the show breaks precedent because it will debut on GSN and in syndication on the same date.

The world’s leading (and only) bar scientist favorited my tweet this week

We’re gonna do something different here this week. Usually, if you’ve been paying attention to the week’s news, you can at least try to figure out who or what had the best week. Some weeks it’s harder to choose something than others. Then I remembered, “Will, this is YOUR site.” After all, this is all pop culture through my lens, so it’s my rules. So, sometimes I might choose something that meant a lot to me that week, while you were none the wiser. But I bring it up on the site so that we’re all on the same page. And that’s the kind of pick I have this week.

After watching The Founder, I was left thinking, “Michael Keaton is a goddamn national treasure”. After watching Spider-Man: Homecoming last night (yeah, we’ll talk about it next week, when more of y’all have had a chance to see it), I was thinking “Why have we been sleeping on Keaton the past 20 years?” I mean, with the exception of The Other Guys, I honestly hadn’t seen a Michael Keaton movie since probably Batman Returns, and yet Birdman is the one considered his “comeback vehicle”. In The Founder, he really made you feel for a traveling salesman who was at the end of his rope. After a string of laughable failures, he finally found something to which he could hitch his wagon: McDonald’s. And while he also had to prove this to everyone in his sphere of orbit, most importantly he had to prove this to himself. He really needed a win, and Keaton did such a great job conveying that.

In Homecoming, Keaton plays Adrian Toomes, better known as the Vulture (though he’s never called that by name in the film). Not unlike Alfred Molina’s Dr. Octopus, he’s something of a sympathetic villain. Were it not for the fact that comic book franchises deal in the good/bad binary, you could almost relate to him and understand where he’s coming from. He’s a modern-day working class guy who feels ignored by the fat cats up on high. He doesn’t have evil goals. He simply wants to provide for his family, and he has a code of honor that dictates he must do whatever it takes to make good on that promise. I felt that Keaton did a great job expressing the plight of the working man. Sure, he got to utter some cheesy villain dialogue, but that simply comes with the territory. If you stopped for a minute, and ignored the fact that Spider-Man HAS to win, you realize that Toomes is actually kind of on to something. Again, though, I’ll get into more Homecoming thoughts next week.

My pal Chad pretty much swears by Michael Keaton as his favorite actor – a lot of that having to do with his immense love of 1989’s Batman. I’ve gotta say, I was never a huge fan of Keaton’s Batman, and when Chad would laud Keaton’s praises, I wasn’t really seeing it. I see it now, though. I have seen the light and I am healed! Dear Hollywood, more Michael Keaton, please! He pretty much impressed me on two different cinematic fronts this week, and that’s why Michael Keaton had the West Week Ever.

[movietvtechgeeks]

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Some 'Timeless' thoughts review

Time, managed correctly can heap large profits and key to the success of many people. Those that have difficulty with it wish they can change it, go back to a point or just stop it to get all their pending work done. I don’t have much time to watch TV shows, so I focus on a few and some that I happen to stumble upon. My focus currently revolves around The Walking Dead, Supernatural and Marvel’s Agents of SHIELD. I also binge watch on Netflix Marvel stuff whenever they come out as I see the whole of the MCU as one big soap opera. Fanboy! There I said it. I also know I’m missing out on other shows like The Flash, Arrow, Supergirl and the talk of the town, Game of Thrones. Just like James Rolfe, YouTube’s Angry Video Game Nerd, so many seasons have already passed on a few good shows that I have no time to get back to and may not have that time. Perhaps when I retire and not have to worry about my exhausting day job. With SHIELD currently on hiatus and nothing new from MCU Netflix yet, that time slot became available and being a fan of Supernatural; I chose to binge on another Eric Kripke creation called Timeless. Lime me, pretty sure everyone else has a few shows they’re a fan of and focus on. Again, we can’t watch every new show that comes out. Like Bill Shatner, we’d have to retire for that. Some of you probably know, Timeless is a sci-fi show about time travel. It’s about a group of individuals named Lucy Preston, a historian; Wyatt Logan, Delta Force agent; and Rufus Carlin a programmer/technician assigned to stop a terrorist called Garcia Flynn from changing the course of American history. Garcia steals an experimental time machine in order to travel through time and change American history and the three pursue him in a functioning prototype. Through the course of the show, you’ll see small and sometimes shocking changes to what you’ve been taught in history class. As if everything we’ve been taught is true, right? Anyway, Timeless is quite an engaging show and in some ways mirror Kripke’s other creation, Supernatural, like the importance of family, trust and teamwork. Supernatural alums Jim Beaver and Misha Collins even made appearances on the show. Timeless is a series that will keep you in suspense as to what happens next. How will history be changed through the cast’s actions? How will they fit in? And boy, they do fit in; in comedic ways. Since the show is about American history, audiences will get to see historical figures such as Abraham Lincoln; General William Travis and Davy Crockett in the Alamo; NASA’s Katherine Johnson recently featured in the film Hidden Figures; Bonnie and Clyde, Jessie James, Charles Lindbergh and many more. The show is quite educational and will educate audiences about facts of the aforementioned people, events and the people around them as well as the implications of what could happen should something change. The show kept me thinking about the implications of every person misdirected or killed in every episode as the mere fact that the team saved a little girl from being killed in the Hindenburg disaster resulted in the erasure of Lucy’s sister from the timeline. The main cast is mostly sheltered from the effects since they and their vehicles exist out of time. Time travel is just so crazy that you’ll just have to go with the basics or end up lost and confused in the details. Time travel films can be difficult to produce especially in the financial department. Many times, films choose to travel to just one or very few periods due for financial reasons. Each time period requires research, different wardrobe, sets and even vehicles. Timeless has them all and tries to make everything authentic in Season 1’s span of 16 episodes. Timeless is a great show that deserves to go on but must go back in time to retrieve Blackbeard’s treasure in order to keep going. The expense required to produce Timeless, much like Agents of SHIELD often puts sci-fi shows in the red unless they achieve a stable viewership/cost ratio. Both shows have that problem in common. The news is already out that AOS might not be renewed after the Framework arc unless the show gets more viewers and fans are in debate whether the show is in syndication or not. There’s not much news about Timeless, but there’s hope since the series ended with a cliffhanger as the organization Flynn and the heroes have been fighting continue to exist after their ultimate effort. “We’ve always set out to tell this one-season story that then would provide a launching point for a Season 2, but that would answer a lot of things, and I think we did it… We didn’t have any conversations where we were pulling out ratings and trying to do the math. We’re just writers, and we told the best story we could. So we’ll let the chips fall where they may.” --Shawn Ryan, co-producer, Timeless “#TimeTeam: we still need your help to #RenewTimeless. Stream below or on #Hulu & tell your friends to. @nbc notices! Please RT. #spnfamily https://twitter.com/NBCTimeless/status/834055103975788545 …” --Eric Kripke, co-producer, Timeless But several good shows have ended in such a way, notably Firefly. Timeless was nominated for a 2017 People's Choice Award for Favorite New TV Drama which is saying something and discussions about the show have been overwhelmingly positive mostly about the show’s writing and educational value. Really hoping the show comes back.

Movie TV Tech Geeks News

[mafia-babies-from-hell-hullo]

GlowingCloud!AU Snippets

Y’all can all thank  the prompt: everything’s-the-same-but-Reborn-and-Skull-switch-places by @not-so-varia-quality for the influx of berserker plotbunnies and brain juice flood.

I dropped everything I was doing and wrote this. And now I ship SR.

.

Skull the Overlord of Supreme Chaos and Number One Hitman looks to the groaning teenager on the ground.

He has to cackle mentally- this is going to be great!

Oodako pouts. He likes the boy! Don’t break him!

Oh, I won’t.

Oodako is not impressed.

Fine, a little. Or a bit more.

.

Renato is done with this shit. Pray tell him- how did he land into this mess again?

Oh right, Immortal Stuntman accepted a masked stranger’s offer. Bad.

Met a group of crime syndicate members and bonded with them over how fun it is to screw with people’s head. Good, probably.

Get betrayed by someone- he trusted with his life how could she- and got turned into a mafia baby. Horrible.

But maybe it already started earlier? Maybe when they- he- he had to do something he couldn’t just stand there-

Leon turns into a fan and smacks him on the head.

Thank you, Leon, he smiles softly.

No problem, my favorite human.

.

Sawada Tsunayoshi stares blankly at the ceiling, too… shocked of the recent events and made up of aching muscles to fall asleep.

A purple hitman baby and his pet octopus became his tutors.

He’s trained to become a mafia boss- courtesy of said purple hitman baby, with the octopus as moral support. (He likes and is grateful to the octopus, and HE DOESN’T WANT TO BECOME A MAFIA BOSS!)

He died via gunshot, again due to the purple hitman baby, but didn’t die. He instead turned into a raging, freakishly strong pervert.

He humiliated himself in front of Kyoko-chan. (He HUMILATED himself in front of KYOKO-CHAN!)

And then he got challenged to a duel, and he won. (He won at something. He wasn’t a complete failure.)

Thanks to the purple hitman baby and his pet octopus with his weird bullet. The ones that caused the whole trouble in the first place. Deathperation Bullet, right?

He sighs. Without warning and self-introduction, they just crashed into his life and-

Without self-introduction.

A piercing scream of humiliation and indignant fury echoed throughout the town of Namimori.

(When the same voice roared “REBORN! GOING TO APOLOGIZE FOR DISTURBING THE PEACE AND COMPENSATE WITH MY DYING WILL!” and the owner of that same voice bore the arm band of a Disciplinary Committee Member the next morning, well…

Let’s say it was for the sake of extra training.)

(Oodako and Tsuna will groan and tell you otherwise, though. With Skull cackling madly in the background.

“Wait, you still haven’t introduced yourselves yet.”

“Oh, look at the time! Nighty-night!” and Skull is out like a light.

“…must. Not. Anger. Hibari-san. Again. Must. Not. Anger.” The teen murmured the mantra through gritted teeth till he fell asleep.

Oodako sighed. The shit he had to put up with, really. Not that he would be anywhere else of course, someone had to keep his human in check.

Skull grins in his sleeps and rolls over, smacking Tsuna in the face, and jolting Oodako from his dozing.

Well, he wouldn’t mind impromptu vacations now and then, or paybacks.)

.

Renato smiles with grudging fondness at the letter and sighs. “That ridiculous ass…”

He has a ridiculously fine ass, yes. Astounding observation: wow. Would have never guessed that. Leon teased.

He stares flatly at his chameleon partner, ignoring the faint blush on his cheeks. “Hahaha… Very funny.”

Leon winks at him. Cheeky.

.

“What the absolutely fucking hell are you doing.”

Skull winces at the more-a-statement-than-a-question. “Uh… I can explain-”

“Fedora Incident.”

Skull wisely shuts up.

“Now you’ve got me interested… Huehuehue…” Tsuna cackles under his breath, later he will realize how scarily similar- no, terrifyingly identical even- it is to Skull’s.

“Oho?” Renato purrs with a glint in his eye. “Care to share… your side? And some stories?”

Tsuna smiles, full of affection and hint of a certain purple lover’s demise via humiliation, and grabs his outstretched hand softly- but also firmly like a newborn would grip the finger of his father.

Skull is not feeling sappy warmth spreading throughout his chest at a certain image and fighting a dope-y grin. He’s not. Also like he is not planning extra tortur-tutoring sessions for acting so familiar with Renato.

Okay, he totally is. (It’s a creepy sight.)

Leon grins. As much as a chameleon can grin. He is so winning the best winganimal-slash-matchmaker award at the newest club meeting.

Oodako facepalms. Quite audibly, since he has eight arms and all that. (‘If I were human,’ he tells himself, ‘I would have become an alcoholic a long, long time ago.’)

.

Byakuran smiles and extends his hand. “Won’t you join my game, Renato?”

Renato looks at the teen-almost-adult’s tattoo. Gesso. (It promises success. It murmurs about power. “Come to my side, even though I don’t have cookies. Do you like marshmallows, though?”

Most important of all, it guarantees revenge at… her.)

Renato stares at the beaming smile, and closes his eyes for a second.

In that second, he thinks of Leon’s club meetings, the rainbow mafia baby bonds, Tsuna, Checkerface, Her Before The Betrayal, Her daughter’s and granddaughter’s sad, knowing eyes, Leon, and Skull.

(Oodako���s facepalms, pats on the back, the first contact he had with Tsunayoshi- bonding over Skull’s ridiculous drama, accepting the offer, “Would you like a cup of coffee?”, “I’m sorry.”, Leon. Skull.

Skull. The ridiculous ass.)

“I don’t like marshmallows.” He responds evenly.

As he walks away, he turned and met (not-Skull’s-shade-of purple) deceptively amiable eyes.

“And it’s Reborn to you.”

“Reborn?” he cocks his head, wearing the same smile he had worn at the offer.

“Yes, ciao.”

Byakuran smiled. A cruel one this time. “Ciao.”

A gunshot rang through the air, and the Sun Arcobaleno fell.

[joh-gaming]

Watch Dogs 2 Critical Review

I don’t post many reviews of games here, mostly ‘cause you can find reviews everywhere and in any format. So why make one for Watch Dogs 2? Because they went the extra mile and they deserve more than what they got.

After the failure of the first game, it’s understandable why the sequel sold so poorly. Not even counting the amount of solid games that came out around the same time, but people have been burned by Ubisoft’s marketing far too many times. Take The Division, which I actually like and play, the downgrade wasn’t just in graphics but gameplay. It was far more interesting in the original trailer than what we ended up with. The Division is fun but also boring, and to a point you can say the same about Assassin’s Creed Syndicate (another game I like). Syndicate however has the benefit of having the twins, Evie and Jacob Frye are really fun characters and the Assassin’s Creed formula has its moments. But one thing was clear, Ubisoft was making cookie cutter missions in their open world games and that gets boring fast.

Finally they made a game that breaks away from the GTA clone Fed Ex formula (mostly anyway) and people weren’t buying it. Gaming sites were more concerned about getting hits, so while most of them praised the game, it was mostly as “it’s better than the first” which we all knew would be ‘cause that one was terrible. So why did I ignore the game? Well, to be honest it was Marcus. Don’t get me wrong, even without playing it I prefer Marcus over Aiden any day, but the promo videos kept showing Marcus as this dull character, and his clothes are something I wouldn’t wear even if I was cosplaying. I knew you could change clothes but have you seen the outfits they chose for the promo? he looks like a clown most of the time.

What I’m saying is, I couldn’t find myself in Marcus. Thankfully, they decided to offer that 3 hrs trial which I took. Played the hell out of the game to get a feel for the clothes, missions, characters and story. So I’m going to start my review with that, click keep reading if you’re interested.

The 3hrs Trial

OK so the first mission was kind of hard, but it was fun. Talk about a tutorial in the middle of a war zone and with a timer no less. (trial timer, not mission timer) I had to learn fast to make the most out of it. The script is... well have you seen TV shows lately? yea not great but not as bad as some people make it out to be. The gameplay was solid, animations were pretty good and graphics are impressive. I was unimpressed with the characters, even Sitara which I liked from the promo material. I did a couple of main missions, stole the Cyber Driver car, played some co-op missions and 1 of the events, opted out of PvP ‘cause I’m not interested in that. I don’t go to the Dark Zone in The Division either so yea, PvP is not my thing. I did a lot of the ATM side quests which are quite fun and funny. By the end of the trial I knew I really wanted this game. It was already on my list, but I was going to buy it as cheap as possible. I talked to my friends (the ones that played the trial with me) and we all liked it, they bought the game before I did but we all got it. Not only that but we bought the Gold Edition, which is still on sale at the time of this post.

Gold Edition

Why the Gold edition? Well, it comes with the Season Pass and it was $60 for the whole thing. So technically, it was finally priced right, the whole game for the price of a full game, I’m OK with that. It’s probably the only way I would recommend the season pass of any game.

Characters

Like I said before, during the 3hr trial I wasn’t impressed, but they slowly grew on me and I prefer that. In Life is Strange it was the same, I didn’t like Chloe until the third episode.

Marcus

Look at those clothes... wtf is that? He looks like TV static or something. Anyway, took a while but the guy grew on me thanks to moments like this one

Wish he had had more to do outside of doing the impossible. Also wish he had more interaction with Horatio.

Sitara

She’s cool, the Sombra of the group (a lot more serious though) and more of an artist than a hacker, even though she’s brilliant. She knows the power of a brand and works hard to turn Dedsec into “celebrities”. Just don’t wear a man bun in front of her.

Wrench

Cynical, sarcastic, weird af and with a short temper. This is Marcus’ best friend in the crew. Throws tantrums every now and then, I can relate to this guy a lot more, except for the thongs... yea... can’t relate to that.

Josh

The walking super computer, he is a bit stereotypical as well as cartoonish but I still like this guy a lot. There’s a lot of potential with this character.

Horatio

And Horatio, you barely get to talk to this guy and that’s a real shame. The few moments he had with Marcus were great. With the amazing animations and expressions, their funny scenes were actually funny.

I’m pretty sure this is the first time Ubisoft went with this approach on the characters. We’ve seen games where the companions are just as important as the main character, games like Mass Effect, Dragon Age, Fallout 4 and of course the Saints Row series. I can say this was just a few interactions short of being as good as Saints Row’s. I applaud Ubisoft for this and hope they keep evolving this part of their story telling, with gameplay to support it.

Gameplay

This game has variety, to the point where I haven’t tried everything it offers yet. Sure some of it is mundane, but I do love to have some mundane stuff in my open world games. As long as I don’t get a call from a cousin every 5 steps asking to go bowling. Still, the mundane stuff gives you an excuse to explore the beautifully crafted map. Same with the collectibles which help you unlock some skills later in the game.

They also added events, now since I locked my game as a single player experience (except when I join my friends in co-op) I’m not sure if the events are part of the co-op experience or if you have to open your game. You can choose to open it so that only friendly players show up in your session, however that doesn’t mean they won’t troll you, there are a lot of asses out there. But that’s another positive, the ability to lock the game as a single player experience or open its multiplayer options in ways that work for you. In any case I had a lot of fun with these events when playing with my friends. Especially one that has low tolerance for stealth (it was kind of hilarious as I was marking enemies and studying the locations, then suddenly he was blowing people up with traps)

I do recommend that if you don’t want to participate in PvP, that you turn off Bounty Hunter and Invasion but leave the friendly options open. Why? because even though there’s a chance trolls might find a way to hinder you, you also miss out on unscripted events that can only happen when some crazy dude has the cops or gangs on his tail. You can help them out or troll them yourself if that’s your kink.

One last thing, I know I’m keeping the gameplay details very vague but I prefer if you found out everything you can do in the game on your own, the drone and remote car are fantastic mechanics. I love it when a game introduces a mechanic that suddenly every game after it should build upon. Not unlike the Last of Us with their bow and on the fly crafting which was arguably improved by the competition in the Tomb Raider games.

Missed Opportunities

The game is VERY good as is, so if you can afford it, go ahead and buy it ‘cause unless you hate Open World Games, you should like this game a lot. Remember, there’s a 3hr free trial if you’re still unsure, it’s not a demo, it’s the full game and you have access to it for 3 hrs.

That being said, a few things could have turned this game from very good to great (at least in my opinion)

1- No way to donate money

A- can’t tip performers on the streets B- can’t give money to beggars C- can’t even donate to bank accounts of people you know have some kind of illness or problem

Sounds pointless, but if you do it often enough in a game, the reason why you did it may carry over to the real world. A pebble in a pond or whatever but I think it can work.

2- Chatting NPCs

A- it’s only used to deliver low level context B- should have an “affection” rating tied to it, even if the reward is some spray or clothing item C- can’t use intel from NPCs (unless scripted) to prepare better for a mission

You can talk to your crew and get their thoughts after every mission, but that’s ultimately pointless. I understand they didn’t want to lock people out of content, nor wanted to force people into something they didn’t want to do but hey, I didn’t talk to Garrus every single time after a mission and he still became one of my favorite characters of all time. Same with Liara and Tali.

3- Tone

A- too serious at times B- it should have been more about their branding, at least most of the game (it kind of is but they already have the main game’s goal from the start) C- after a particular story event, some missions should be locked for a substantial amount of in game time

Saints Row games know they are a parody and work with it. Yes they shift tone in a way. From being funny and satirical to Ling, Carlos, Gat and even you dying, but it still felt within the themes of the game. In Watchdogs 2 you can have a gang after you, then you’re joking about some stupid shit. It shifts too abruptly sometimes. It’s not annoying just something that could be ironed out in the future.

4- HQ Hackerspace

A- you have your main hideout in a game store and you didn’t Gwent it? B- no hideout customization C- Marcus can’t recruit for Dedsec

Seriously, why didn’t you make a game within a game? You could have made a table top game and go all Gwent with it. And not being able to customize at least one of the hideouts is kind of a first in a Ubisoft game. Also, for story purposes I wish that Marcus had his own recruits. This could have been a game of its own where you could recruit the wrong person and then having to deal with that. Of course this wouldn’t be scripted, the NPCs are out there, (I call them trigger NPCs) if you recruit those that are under cover or from P8 or whatever, then that’s on you.

5- Social Locations

A- no interesting NPCs in most of them B- they serve no purpose other than one interaction and as a fast travel point

Something could have been done with these, especially if tied to the whole Marcus being able to recruit for Dedsec thing. A little initiation or test could have been done here.

6- Canon vs Player Actions

A- Marcus can kill a lot of people if the player wants B- at one point in the story Marcus does kill some people but gets no reaction from the crew

This is the same problem I have with the new Tomb Raider games, killing is not a big deal for these characters. It should be, like I said with the change in tone. They are hackers kind of having fun exposing the big corporations and the corrupt. They like to feel like super heroes but then the game is designed to have lethal weapons that the player can use, which is fine, that’s a gamified action which doesn’t have to be canon. But when it does happen in the story I expect more, taking a life shouldn’t be as uneventful as changing clothes

7- Clothes

A- nobody cares what you wear once you buy pants B- changing your outfit doesn’t affect in any way the follower multiplier

When you start the game, right after your initiation, your first mission is to buy pants. People react to what you were wearing before, taking pictures and laughing at you. But that’s where it ends. Also when you buy your first set of clothes, your follower number (XP) rises, would be nice if it had some kind of multiplier tied to it. The only game I remember that went through with that was GTA San Andreas.

Disclaimer

No, I’m not a Ubisoft fanboy, in fact they piss me off sometimes. I signed up for The Division’s beta almost as soon as registrations were allowed but didn’t get a code. Which sure, I can see that you have a limited number of codes to give, but when it happens that you gave away codes to people that didn’t register, that’s when I get annoyed. I had to preorder the game to get in, I honestly was considering skipping the game entirely.

Thank you Ubisoft Montreal

On the chance that someone from Ubisoft is reading this, I want to thank everyone that worked on this game. It was a lot of fun and looking forward to more of it.