#i think this is funny. i think i'm funny

[emilnikos]

love it when my friends say "you would do numbers on Tumblr" buddy I am on Tumblr. and the number is 3

[ihaveatypeanditstrickstergods]

One of my favorite D&D gags that I ever came up with is part of a oneshot I've run a few times where the party is hired by a young wizard to help clear out a few active security measures in a tower that the wizard inherited from her old teacher.

The first obstacle to be cleared is the re-animated skeletons that the old wizard was using for gardening help. It's a pretty straightforward fight, but during the encounter, players may notice one particular raised bed of herbs that is set back in a corner of the garden by itself.

Upon further investigation, this one raised bed is absolutely shining with magical protections. There are runes carved into the wood of the bed, gemstones inlaid in the top of it, this bed is absolutely protected out the ass... and an arcana check shows that the protections are all pointed inward, attempting to keep what's in there from getting out.

What's growing in that raised bed, you may ask? What is so dangerous that the old wizard felt the need to place all these protections?

Mint.

[substitious-bastard]

stuck in the time loop but i just use it as a free day off. im not even trying to get out. i am teaching myself to knit. i am crocheting. i am cooking. not even doing anything crazy. just escaping capitalism for a week. day 375 and im not sure what lesson it's trying to teach but i've taught myself to handmake lace so all is well

[euniexenoblade]

YOU know him as the human pet guy, I know him as the "modern militaries need medieval armor cuz they reflect bullets" guy. We are NOT the same.

[katsinspats]

I think my copy of the game is broken they've been doing this for 30 minutes

Crop of the Biolizard edit I did bc it makes me laugh:

[callonpeevesie]

I'm onto something I'm telling you

[teaboot]

Had to give a presentation for a work seminar the other day.

Didnt have much planned and I usually wing it so I got up there and opened with, "Hello, my name is [redacted]. I'm the security specialist assigned to [redacted]- I talk a lot when I'm nervous, so you're gonna hear me talk a lot in the next five minutes"

This got a few laughs as expected, but then one of my superiors cut in like "I had no idea you had a fear of public speaking, you're always so calm and confident"

so I got to say out loud in front of like 20 people twice my age that "Oh, yeah, no, I'm faking it super hard. Like, all the time." (Gestures at face) "This is fake. I'm always freaking out, all of the time."

Anyhow it went well and I'm getting a raise so like. Be yourself and lean into it I guess is what I'm getting to

[now-you-sound-like-a-jedi]

If Obi-Wan had actually stayed on Mandalore with Satine after the Civil War and left the Jedi Order, it would've made The Phantom Menace and Attack of the Clones peak comedy.

Like, Qui-Gon would still be sent to Naboo and end up on Tatooine, he'd still meet Anakin and take him back to the Temple. But, in this AU, he survives the battle on Theed and takes Anakin as his padawan. And the entire Order would be making jokes:

"Congrats on the new padawan! Hope he sticks around longer than the last one!" "We'll keep this one off the bodyguard missions, eh Qui-Gon?"

So one day little Anakin’s like "hey master, what happened to your last padawan?" And Qui-Gon's like "oh he ran off with a girl, yeah he's royalty in the Outer Rim now".

And it's all fine and dandy until Anakin’s nineteen and they get assigned to protect Padmé, and Qui-Gon takes one look at this kid's face and thinks "You've got to be fucking kidding me, this shit again??"

[adhd-merlin]

opened my mobile kindle app for the first time in a while and it immediately started harassing me about le morte d'arthur

[humming-fly]

He was feeling left out

and the higher rez stills, since gifs always export as if you're sending messages through a metal can~

[thirteendaysintaunton]

Tiresias: I see your wife........ with a ruthless man who has killed hundreds of people

Odysseus:

Odysseus:

Odysseus: *Monster starts playing* I will ensure that this man will be me

[s2pdoktopus]

You know those fanfics where Zidian evolves into a magic snake? That's the idea but it's the fuzzy worm thing.

[crowleys-hips]

[katsinspats]

Tragic: Guy you based your entire villain backstory on doesn't even remember you

[what-am-i-doing-in-this-fandom]

I am such a big Werewolf Stan advocate I had to jump on this particular train 🙏 (but I didn't really wanna commit to full line art, you guys understand)

Oh, and you guys aren't gonna believe this, but here's part two 🙌