#i think these are 2 of only 3 crochet projects I’ve completed so far

[jayykesley]

Wanted to share this baby blanket (+ bonus baby beanie) I FINALLY completed after several months.

[whatgaviiformes]

Interview with Fic Writer Meme

Thanks for the tag, @burningcowboyhoagietaco! Splitting off just because the post was getting a bit long. 

1. Your favorite fic that you’ve written (or the one you want to give a shout out to)

Favorite is difficult because it’s like choosing children. I have ones that hold a special place, and other I love for completely different reasons, so for a fic I want to give a shout out to? Let’s do Oak & Ivory today - Privateers AU with some FishTank, Scott playing the cello, and John cooking. Also it’s Virgil’s birthday and he doesn’t remember

Oak and Ivory  FF | Ao3 Summary: [Completed]  It’s a Thursday in the summer of 1776, and the USS Thunderbird is docked in port in New England. For Virgil, it brings him the gift of inspiration, starting with a rare morning off and a warbler…

2. Your favorite fic title that you’ve come up with I’m quite fond of  Firefly’s Glow (FF | Ao3) as far as titles go. It started with a scene of Scott and Gordon catching fireflies in chapter 1, and as I wrote it I started to weave in the major theme that I am continuing to explore in the story (or at least trying)  - basically the same thing said two ways 1) there’s a value to all life no matter how small and 2) even the small can shine bright.  Gordon may be pocket!sized in the fic, but he is still has the same brightness about him. 

3. How do you get inspiration to write?

 I don’t. I can’t force it, and writing needs to be an outlet of creative expression for me or I will burn out. I am pulled in many different directions at the moment, and so writing is actually a struggle. I am still doing my best because then if I feel if I am not posting, I’ll become irrelevant. It’s a constant struggle and I know that latter part is me making it up in my head. At the end of the day, it needs to be fun and not a job. Perfectionist Gavii is still trying to learn this. 

When I do have inspiration, music helps me to build the tone and craft the visuals. The words start to come easier with the right background sounds. Lack of distraction helps, and that is also currently hard to come by in my world. 

4. Your favorite genre/subgenre of fic to write

Angst. Make ‘em cry.

5. Do you have other hobbies? Crochet, Gaming. D&D. 

6. A fun fact about you that a lot of people may not know I don’t eat any seafood because I don’t like the texture or taste. I’ve tried different things a few times as an adult to see if my tastes have changed, but nah. FIsh are friends not food :)

7. Pick one character to self project onto Hmm. It’s probably Virgil if I had to really thing about it, but there are aspects of the Tracys in general that I tend to gravitate towards. Scott, I can identify with his dedication to work and family, his being spread to thin between his many hats, and juggling IR, family, and TI. Anything space-related makes me happy, so John’s solitary joy speaks to me. I am an introvert so I find it incredibly romantic to think of him reading and studying among the stars, and he’s probably the brother that I am most like in my natural state. Alone does not mean lonely. And in comparison, Gordon is everything I think I need in a friend - someone who lives life to its absolute fullest, sees a light in everything, always there for a smile. And it’s why I love to write (and read) when Gordon is thrown at John for all the chaos and underlying support love there is there. Alan is a bit more difficult for me since he is the youngest and I’m definitely past  where I would self-project on to him - but I can identify with his desire to be his own man amidst his brothers’ successes. And that age is hard. I feel for the kid. 

So then Virgil - I can’t paint, I can’t really play music, but I gravitate towards the arts - always have in my studies.  What I love about writing Virgil is that he helps me look at the world differently and makes me challenge my own perceptions. I intentionally take a moment to focus on what I hear and see when I write him, and it creates a different type of imagery that I think has become Virgil’s voice in my head. He feels, and I can sense his emotions the most organically when I write. He’s loyal, steadfast, and comforting. He’s my art heart, and often when I am writing it’s Virgil’s “support” that I can kind of feel helping me out. If that makes sense? So there’s my explanation for why I can’t choose. I pull from different brothers when I need to. This is absolutely the cheesiest, but they are like family to me and I’ll pull from who I need to based on how I am feeling. 

FishTank still makes the world go round though. Those two. *heart eyes*

8. Favorite genre of music

I am going to steal this almost quote from @katblu42 who I will also tag, because it’s really the only answer: the genres I like are my favorite. 

I listen to a lot of music. like A LOT. If going through likes, you’ll jump from Sinatra to Metallica to Beethoven’s 7th to swing to Linkin Park, and back. Musical whiplash aside, I have a lot of playlists for different things and would love to incorporate one day somehow for fic writing. 

9. Your favorite singer/band

Band: I am really into Walk the Moon, fun fact - the first time I heard Shut Up and Dance was live before it was released

Singer: I like my crooners. 

10. How have your experience in fandom been? This time? Amazing, I feel so lucky to be so supported in life and in creativity. 

Tagging Kat, @godsliltippy,  @womble1, and whoever may be interested :)

[lirulii]

Onwards AU- Tribe hcs

I’ve started a trend of picking up THM headcanons because they’re nON EXISTENT lmao

or at least from what I hear

This round is for the Onwards AU (post-THM au), with the Tribe of Three being roughly 18-21 here 

((I’ll also include William and Kaznim because they’re dear to my heart))

-Ferdie eventually starts going through a small internship on a fashion shop, carrying cloth and measuring people

-Then she starts rising through the ranks, gaining fame for her embroidery on cloth

-And then she likes it

-OH GOD SHE LIKES IT

-She ends up getting an apprenticeship and is soon to buy the business from the current owner, who wants to retire to an Iberian beach already

-She’s a ruthless businesswoman and always ends up with the most ridiculous business deals which work out in her favor,,,somehow

-Ferdie is also the one who makes Tod’s graduation dress, her current work tunic also (Sep also asks to get his tunic made)

-William, when he’s off-time, is still very close and very dear to Ferd and he helps out in the shop 

-They still play the string game in StarChaser with all the juiciest gossip

-It’ s not like Ferdie WANTS all the gossip and has an amount of secrets rivaling Sally Mullin’s,,, it’ s a fashion shop. It just happens 

-Oskar is still working with Ephaniah as a mechanic, with some medical exp too since Ephaniah has been decreasing of health lately- not enough to be fatal, he’s just getting older

-He subs in as a scribe and is always sneaking Tod in and out of the Ancient Ways or getting to talk to her a little more

-Hairdresser: Ms. Todhunter Moon, what would you like me to help you with?

Tod, deadass serious: an elflock

the SH fandom: nO!!!

Tod: TWO elflocks

-She has them as braids that go around the back of her head- with a blue bead at the start of each braid

-William takes after his pseudo-cousin AND his uncle Nicko and does sailor beads in his hair. Reactions are, being optimistic, mixed

-Ferd leaves her hair long, Oskar ties his up in a ponytail (and maybe a small elflock every once in a while because Tod makes him), and Tod grows her hair out, starting when she was roughly 16

-It’s the first time she grows her hair after her mom’s death

-Kaznim works as the Red City assistant, guiding Septimus around, and is also taking up her mother’s trade

-At some point, most likely directly after StarChaser, Kaznim and Tod realize they’re related! They have some talk after that

-In fact, Kaznim takes her to the Draa campsite when Tod begins traveling for Castle alliances, and it becomes her temporary home for around 3 months.

-Kaznim is still kind of distant to Dandra, eventually gets over it

-Kaznim: TOD!! BAREV!

Tod: Ba-what-now

-Kaznim has to teach Tod Armenian (since it’s implied the Draas come from an area near Armenia or in Armenia proper). Kaznim suffers.

-William has a keen interest, apart from Magyk, in Alchemie. Marcellus is really fond of him and is more than willing to teach him some

-Simon also teaches him some!

-I haven’t tackled it but yes I headcanon William to get an apprenticeship in the wizard tower! Takes after uncle Sep a lot

-Tod leaves a month after her graduation to start the founding of Castle alliances around the world and comes back roughly a year later, in her late nineteens- early 20s

-The sudden separation left a lot of unsolved conflict and tension between Oskar and Tod- and her sudden return makes things between them even more cold and awkward. Ferd spends an uncomfortable 8 months playing messenger and trying to get them to settle down and get things straightened out

-William outcooks his mom, his dad, and his uncle Sep and those are just facts

-Ferdie suddenly starts getting pearl jewelry in her mail starting in her 20s and no one knows where it came from- she never finds out who it’s actually from

-Barney Pot, being some 14 years old when THM starts, also hangs out with Tribe occasionally, with some slight flirting on the side ((s’all for fun though))

-Flirting to whom? All three of course

-Oskar does get that Orm automata done for his graduation project!! It works  and the angriest he’s ever gotten at the Ormlet is when it tried to eat his creation of some 6-months

-He’s also fluent in Sign Language, English and Greek- Ephaniah’s ancestor language. You could argue he’s considerably worse at Greek though.

-Lucy often gives Ferdie ribbons in exchange for embroidery lessons. 

-The transition from being teacher-apprentice to coworkers is weird for Tod and Sep, as well as for Osk and Ephaniah

-Ferdie: Tod,,,what are feelings,,,im,,,,girls,,,what is love,,,

Tod, local demisexual:,,,,,baby don’t hurt me?? no more???

-I do hc Ferdie as panro! She’s very confused throughout her teens rip 

-Ferdie also takes after Lucy and puts ribbons in her hair, and ribbons  and flowers in her spring hats. It becomes a running trend, much favored by the Good Queen herself

-The Tribe and Will go ice skating in the winter- all three are complete messes and William has to teach these grown ass adults to balance themselves

-Ferd and Oskar stay in the Heap-Gringe household when they’re in the Castle, and are raised in Alchemie and some basic Magyk. Tod’s happily impressed

-Oskar’s walked out with his magnifying glasses and caused local panic because bUG MAN 

-They still take naps together because tHEYRE DORKS (tired dorks), sleepovers are less rare but involve a lot of salt on coworkers. The Tribe also ocassionally goes on ice cream parlor outings in the summer

-After her growing paranoia in the Red City, Tod has a sword made in the Draa camp, naming it Hamasteghut’yun ((Amernian for constellation)). She has an UnSeen on it and practices in private.

-After declining her mother’s offer of her own blade, Kaznim also gets a throwing knife crafted, called Halatsum (persecution)

-Kaznim has an,,interesting adolescence w her family (( that’s another post tho))

-Ferdie is the only one to not have a graduation party ((Tod has her own and Oskar has the Manuscriptorium annual)) so the Heaps throw her this huge ass party when she’s 21 to compensate.

-Tod wears heeled boots to be more intimidating and it KIND OF works,,, Ferdie, on the other hand, can stare down any man at her small height and send them running

-Official heights:

Osk: 5′11″

Will: 6′0″

Kaznim: 5′7″

Tod: 5′2″

Ferdie: 4′11″

-Tod has unexpected encounters with a certain Syrah Syara, who’s personality she’s drawn to. Sep has a very hard time talking to her about Syrah.

-Tod’s dyed honey-blond strands come from her visit to what would then be called France, given to her by the people before an international ball. She sticks with it for much of her life.

-Oskar’s fascination with the Dragon Boat guides him to hang out with Jenna more- who always wanted a younger brother. A nice friendship forms, although he’s still terrified of her, as one rightly should.

-Oskar picks up ukulele and guitar, Ferdie picks up viola and flute. Tod’s good with hand drums and singing, Kaznim with cymbals and Armenian percussion, and Will likes violin and xylophones

-The Sarn twins rent out an apartment when they’re grown in the Castle

-the neon glow-in-the-dark sunglasses was Oskar’s idea. They also have two sets of roller blades and the raddest scooters

-Will owns his own roller blades

-William grows to be the affection of everyone with his uncle’s charisma, his father’s kindness, and his badassery at lacrosse

-Famous/Iconic jewelry:

-Osk: leather bracelet from the draa camp, silver ring with a melting pair of wings (his first attempt at crafting jewelry), multi-purpose bracelet (think an army knife but,,not), cord necklace with painted glass beads and his golden universal Manuscriptorium key. Onyx earring mayb?

-Ferdie: Amethyst-and-silk bracelet ((shared with Tod)), all that pearl jewelry from before changed out into rotations, platinum ring Simon, William, and Lucy gave her, Leather twin chokers with a variety of charms, from a small crochet man to an elegant ruby set

-Tod: her iconic snake ring, ‘Find a way’ ring that she shares with Sep, Amethyst bracelet, leather bracelet from the draa camp, Gold-and-labradorite earrings, star necklace with draa beads as well

-The tribe sneaked out together in their late teens to walk around and admire the night lights. Cats always seem to be accompanying them- it’s a mystery

-All three have middle names: Ferdie’s is Lilliann, Oskar’s Liam, and Tod’s is Diana ((although her Draa family insisted Cassi always wanted a daughter named Seraldi)) They use each other’s middle name when they’re mad pissed

-Tod and Kaznim have two last names- the first from their mother, the second from their father.

-William is by far the most enthusiastic apprentice ever- he’s the happiest cleaning out the pyramid library.

-Out of the entire tribe, Ferdie is the most apt at self-defense, armed and unarmed.

-She’s also real buff she’s bench-pressed Oskar once or twice- and the guy built muscle from carrying heavy items

-In their actual vacation, back in the pathfinder village, they always set Vega out to the Path, tie the boat to one of the white markers and quietly talk until late midnight- pointing out constellations, conversing of the past , and falling asleep until the next day, bright at dawn. Dan and Rosie receive a lot of fish from sleepy, early-morning fishing from all three adults involved.

Expect more I have over three pages and I’m so ready

[gsuartgavriellehind]

WRAP UP.

1. The most interesting part of this class was the lesson on performance art. I didn’t even know performance art was a thing until taking this class. Besides not knowing about it, my initial thoughts on performance art the first time we talked about it was that it’s super weird & that it should just cease to exist. However, as we continued talking about it, I gained a newfound respect for it. Some performance art isn’t really as thought provoking as others, but the ones that are thought provoking have/had a really meaningful reason behind the madness. Some performance art was in response to issues at that time such as the Vietnam war & other wars in different countries, discrimination against women, discrimination against people of color, &/or crisis. While I personally wouldn’t perform some of these performance art performances, I find it admirable that other artists would for the sake of art & awareness. I think of it this way: in order to make people identify a certain issue, someone has to do something drastic & chaotic to get people to recognize it & wonder why exactly that person decided to do this drastic & chaotic thing.

2. The most frustrating part of this class—& all of my art classes in general—was coming up with creative ideas for upcoming projects. Creativity should be second nature for art majors & artists, but I feel as though I lack a lot of creativity. When deciding on what I would do for a project, it’d take me days to figure out what exactly I want/wanted to do. It always takes me until two days before or the day before the project was actually due to have an idea set in stone. However, this class has actually taught me that it’s okay to look at multiple artists’ work & gain ideas from that. I learned that using someone’s, or even multiple artists’ work as a starting point & tweaking it even just a little to where it just completely changes the dynamic of the art piece, makes the project unique & creative in its own way. With every project we’ve done in this class, I’ve used an artist’s work as a reference in some way to come up with my own art project idea which for the most part, I was satisfied with. Maybe not satisfied with how I did the project, but the idea itself. A project I was pretty satisfied with was my performance art project. For that project, I used Jayson Musson’s Hennessy Youngman idea & tweaked it to my interests & a current issue I see very prevalent in these past few years. Overall, I think this is my most successful project.

3. For winter break, I plan to relax big time. I won’t be creating anything serious (even though I really should) because I’m going to be around my family for most of the time & I don’t think I’d have much time to focus on an art piece, however, I do plan on coming up with a checklist, doing extensive research, getting practice in, & getting basic steps out of the way for a business I plan on pursuing in 2021. For my business, I will be crocheting clothes. I used to crochet as a child with an older lady in my neighborhood at the time & I really enjoyed it. I bought a sewing machine back in July to upcycle clothing, but I haven’t had the chance to learn how to use it nor find clothes I would particularly want to upcycle. So, I decided that I would just create my own clothing basically from scratch while picking up the skill of crocheting again & make a profit from it. I plan on learning how to do basic crochet chains again during winter break, learning how to crochet clothes, creating a website, creating a social media page, & coming up with a brand name & brand logo idea during this winter break & possibly far into January.

4. For 2021, I really hope to become a better artist, be better at networking for art, & be more productive & serious with my art. I also want to start my business & be successful in it before I have to go to Japan in August 2021 for a deployment (since I’m in the army). A lot of my friends are artists & they’re doing big things with their art, slowly becoming known & successful in the art scene, & I want to be like that as well. I’m a big procrastinator, so I should’ve become more serious with my art a LONG time ago since I’m already halfway into my college career (I’m a sophomore, going to be a junior in the spring semester), however, I can’t take back the past, I can only live in the present & the future & only grow from here.

5. The first step in order to achieve all of my goals as a whole is to develop a determined attitude. A step I need to do in order to achieve my goal of becoming a better artist is to draw everyday. If I want my drawings to be better, I must be putting in practice everyday. After I see proficiency, I have to share & promote my work in order to gain viewers & a following. I need to gain diligence & patience in myself for drawing but also for crocheting, especially if I want to create a successful business

[quarantineculture]

quarantine days 4 and 5

Saturday, March 21, 2020 and Sunday, March 22, 2020

Didn’t update yesterday. You already know why. Zelda, baby!

Anyways, back to your regularly scheduled Quarantine Blogging.

The days are starting to all blur together. It’s hard when I do pretty much the exact same few things every day, just in slightly different order or for varying amounts of time.

RAMBLING ABOUT THINGS I SAW AT THE PARK AND ATTEMPTS TO MAKE UP NAMES FOR LOCAL FLORA AND FAUNA WHOSE NAMES I DO NOT KNOW (with pictures!)

Here’s something funny that I saw/heard yesterday. At the park, there was a family gathered at the edge of the lake, all looking down into something. A little girl, probably 5 or 6, was pointing at a dead fish floating at the surface and saying, “Look at the fish! Can we bring it home?” (I have no idea if she realized it was dead or not, but I am gonna assume yes?) And her sister who’s probably around 9 was like, “Yeah, take it home and we’ll cook it for dinner!” Their parents were trying to be encouraging but not let’s-grab-a-very-dead-fish-out-of-the-pond kind of encouraging.

That fish was probably smaller than the palm of that little girl’s hand. LMAO. You couldn’t feed anyone with that. It was just a funny conversation. Kids are so idealistic.

I wonder what it must be like for kids right now with no school. Do they realize what’s going on? I’m sure they know something is off, but I wonder how excited they are to not have school. Are they going stir crazy yet? I know a lot of college kids are already going stir crazy being stuck at home with their families. It kinda feels like high school again, but we don’t even have school to hang out with people your own age. Also, who came up with the word stir crazy? I feel like I only started hearing it very recently. Maybe because it describes what a lot of people are feeling right now, but I feel like there was a different term that I used before, but I can’t think of it off the top of my head. Restless?

NEVER MIND! I FOUND IT! Thank you, Wikipedia. It’s called cabin fever! That was the word I’m more familiar with. Wikipedia says the therapy for cabin fever/stir-craziness is going outside and direct interaction with nature. Good thing I’ve been doing that every day! Thank God for NYC parks. The one near my house is so big that once you get deep enough in you can’t even really tell you’re still in a city. I mean, you could. But if you look myopically (is that a word?) at just one small area of trees or whatever those grain-like bushy things are called- bushtails? – you could pretend that you’re on a prairie or something and not in New York City.

BUSHTAILS? I know there’s a word for it! Please let me know if you know it.

Yesterday (Saturday) I saw a whopping THIRTY-SEVEN (37) TURTLES! But today I only saw like 6 or 7. It was hard to count exactly because they’re kinda far away and you can’t get too close because of the fence around the whole lake. Today was pretty cold so I guess the turtles stayed inside. Look at this picture. How many turtles does it look like to you? 3? 4? 5? I can’t tell.

It’s blurry because I already had to zoom in a bunch because I was so far away. The struggle is real ☹

Look at these boys above. Don’t they kinda look like they’re playing leap-frog? Hehe.

And here’s a cool bird I saw! Red-breast? I’m just making up common names for things I see around the neighborhood now. If you know what it is please tell me so I don’t make a complete fool of myself. (I think it might be too late.)

REFLECTIONS ON LIFE IN QUARANTINE:

It’s different than the lifestyle I’m used to, but not altogether bad. At school, I’m running around a lot, going to classes, dining halls, hospital job, RA duty, library, meetings, TA-ing, etc. I don’t really spend much time in the dorm at school. (Also because being in my room kinda stressed me out when I was an RA, because I constantly felt like I had to be telling my residents to be quiet, but I wasn’t sure where to draw the line because I thought I might be over-sensitive to noise. It was really difficult.) Since all my friends lived at different parts of campus, I’d usually go over to their place to hang out with them or meet at a dining hall or study somewhere together. But now that we are all practicing ~social distancing~, I get to stay at home and relax all the time. It’s kinda freeing to not have as many obligations and it’s wicked nice to be able to sleep late. But I do have this looming feeling of needing to get work done for my two exams that are coming up, and I really do need to work on my thesis which I am ridiculously, ridiculously behind on.  

A lot of people are making memes commenting on how introverts are actually thriving right now in quarantine because that’s how their (our?) lives are usually. Staying home, doing your hobbies, not leaving the house unless absolutely necessary, etc. I remember having this conversation with several of my very introverted friends – they were telling me that during college winter break, they just stay at home and don’t leave the house for days on end. My roommate was like that. I love that girl so much. She said, and I quote, “Why would I go outside when there are so many things I can do inside?” She pointed out – reading comics, watching TV shows, playing with her sister, browsing Instagram… there was a whole list and I’m only really recalling some of them, but you get the point. I appreciate that. I realized that a lot of the hobbies I had in middle school and high school – playing guitar or piano, writing stories, etc., I just stopped doing in college. I thought it was because I was so much busier with schoolwork, which is true, but I think it’s also because all my friends were so much closer to me in college. Like, there’s nothing stopping you from going to your friend’s house to hang out all afternoon and night if you want when you’re in college. Whereas in middle school or high school, you have to make a whole arrangement between you, your friend, your parents, and your friend’s parents to set up a time and date and place and who’s going to drive you there and back if you want to hang out with them outside school.

So I do appreciate this time to work on my hobbies. I’ve been working on a lil crochet chicken project. It took me a long time to get started but I am making slow progress now! I’m excited for how it turns out. Maybe after I go back to my dorm and get the stuffing and other materials from my room I can make more. I miss my friends kind of, but I guess I’ve already become so accustomed to being back at home that I don’t actively want to go back. I guess since it’s still technically spring break it doesn’t feel as real that the semester’s gonna be completely online now.

GRATITUDE LOG:

Caught some nice horses in Legend of Zelda! Cute dogs in the park. Funny little family talking about bringing home a tiny fish. The weird chiffon cake that my sisters made and gave me even though it didn’t have any sugar in it because they somehow forgot to add sugar. Downloaded a drawing app but haven’t used it yet. Made progress on my little crochet chicken project! Texted a bunch of friends that I haven’t talked to in a while. It’s nice to hear from people that you haven’t heard from in so long. Got a FREE Scribd account to read books!! GET ONE Y’ALL you don’t even need a credit card for 30 days!! Get those books for free that you’ve always wanted to read!

QUARANTINE BY THE NUMBERS (Saturday 3/21)

Time outside basement: 1 hour

Screen time on phone: 6 hours 7 min

Toggl-logged studying: 1 hour 34 minutes

Times I fell asleep while studying: probably at least 3

Turtles spotted: 37

Legend of Zelda: approx. 4 hours

Horses in BoTW tamed: 3 or 4 (I think one of them I tamed, then jumped off, then had to re-tame)

New horses registered in BoTW: 1 (the FASTEST horse EVER!!! SO worth it!)

QUARANTINE BY THE NUMBERS (Sunday 3/22)

Time outside basement: approx. 1 hour 15 min?

Screen time on phone: 5 hours 39 min

Legend of Zelda: 0 playing, a lot listening to music

Toggl-logged studying: 2 hours 25 min (a lot was probably sleeping tho)

Toggl-logged blogging time:

Turtles spotted: 6 or 7

Chocolates eaten: 1 (unfortunately)

[scriptautistic]

Autistic people are often framed as having only a singular, heavily involved "special interest", or perhaps 2 or 3, to the absolute exclusion of anything else. While I know this is likely true for some, I can't imagine that every autistic person ever doesn't have multiple hobbies or interests pursued with varying degrees of engagement. The sense I get from the NT-written things I've encountered make autistic folk seem very one-dimensional. I'd like some help clearing this up, please!

This is one of those topics that hasn’t really been researched, as far as I can tell, so I’ll be sticking to my usual method of speaking for myself and inviting autistic followers to add their thoughts. I can in no way claim to speak for everyone, but am happy to share my perspective.

First off, let me explain how a special interest works for me with a simple metaphor: falling in love. When I first come across a new special interest, its eyes sparkle at me from across the room. I get a tiny taste of it, a fragment of information or a glimpse of a picture, and a spark flies, and a fuse lights, and a bomb of euphoria goes off in my head. This thing, this thing right here, is quite clearly the most amazing, important thing I’ve ever come across. This thing is frigging incredible, the best thing that’s ever happened, and the world needs to know.

I become obsessed. I gobble up information wherever I can find it. I learn everything there is to know as quickly as I possibly can. I become an expert on this thing in a remarkably short amount of time. This is LOVE, man. Well, more accurately, this is infatuation. Puppy love. That drug-like rush of chemicals in your brain when you feel you’ve found THE ONE. I talk about it constantly, much to the annoyance of those around me who just don’t quite understand why this thing, this one thing, is so amazingly great that I need to rant about it to the exclusion of everything else in the world. (Especially since they’ve heard it all before.) Just talking about it gives me a rush of euphoria. Sometimes I can see that those around me aren’t interested, but I just can’t stop. The words pour out of me, the excitement radiates off of me, I can’t be ignored, can’t be interrupted. This is like nothing that has ever happened before! Surely, if I can explain it well enough, everyone else will see, too, right? Right?

If you’ve never been in this kind of love, you might not have learned this lesson yet, but here it comes, folks: that kind of love doesn’t last. That euphoric high that results when your brain decides to take a bath in happy chemicals - it’s just physically impossible to sustain it. Eventually, the high, the firey passion, wears off. For me, this usually takes about a year. I’ve read and watched and learned everything I can about this thing. It’s been the center point of my life for a long time, the thing that gets me out of bed in the morning. And one day, suddenly, it just… doesn’t hold the same appeal. It’s not that I don’t love it anymore! I will always love it. But the love changes. It becomes the old, familiar love that comes with time. You don’t get that high from being together anymore, but that doesn’t mean you don’t enjoy each other’s company. You no longer try to persuade the world that this one is the one, is the best thing ever. You no longer need to. This love just settles into the back of your mind, always there, always a comfort, always ready to give you a hug when you need it.

The expertise I’ve gained from all my intensive research, that stays. I will always know just about all there is to know about that thing (at least, all there was to know when I was researching it). I’ll always be able to call that knowledge to mind later on, when it’s useful. And I’ve developed quite the reputation for being a “know-it-all”. I always seem to have some random, obscure fact right on the tip of my tongue, and it’s usually debunking some common misconception that my friends would just as soon keep on having rather than feeling like they’re constantly under attack by that one girl who just HAS to know EVERYTHING.

But it doesn’t feel that way for me. A key difference I’ve noted in communication between autistic and allistic people, and the source of a large percentage of our miscommunications in life, is this: allistic people communicate to bond emotionally and to establish and display power and dominance or submission. Autistic people communicate to share information. When I correct someone, it’s because I know that if I was wrong, I would want to be given the correct information, so I could stop being wrong. But when an allistic person is corrected like that, they take it as an attack on their status, a display of power, and a denial of their feelings. The “golden rule” doesn’t always work. It’s a constant problem.

In any case, I have always been described as someone obsessive. Someone who finds one thing (although it’s often two, three, even four things at a time) and just obsessively learns everything about it and won’t shut up about it for months and months on end. And that really does seem to be true, in a sense. I have very extreme levels of interest. Either something is amazing and I need to know everything about it, or it just doesn’t catch my interest at all. There isn’t much in between.

On the other hand, due to all the many special interests I’ve had over my more than three decades of life, I have built up quite a broad range of interests. I never lost any of them. All of those things still interest me now, and when someone brings one of them up in conversation, I still get a spark of the old obsessiveness deep inside. As a result, I now seem to have a wide range of interests, some of which I’m overtly obsessive about, and others which I keep on file, ready to pull out whenever they’re needed. When I was young, that probably wasn’t the case. It’s likely that I may have been viewed as somewhat one-dimensional as a child, obsessed with just a few things and completely uncaring about everything else. (And when my parents, trying to make me act “normal”, tried separating me from my special interests, the pain was as crushing as being forced to leave your True Love because the rest of the world doesn’t want you to be together - and only made my obsession stronger.)

What I want you to understand is that I don’t see that as a negative thing in any way. An allistic person might see that narrow range of interests and think “oh the poor thing, it’s like she lives in a tiny world and is missing so much of life!” But from my perspective, it’s allistic people who are missing out. Allistic people never seem particularly interested in anything, not by my standards. From where I’m standing, it looks like allistics just drift through life, dabbling in a little of everything but never mastering anything, never finding any real interest, never getting any real, intense joy out of any of their hobbies. An allistic person might say to me, “Yeah, I do a little crocheting, but I’m not really that into it.” And in my mind, I’ll think… then why do it at all? How horribly unsatisfying must it be to go through your entire life, never falling in love with anything you do? Never feeling that euphoria that I get to experience over and over again every time I find a new interest?

Autistic and allistic brains are specialized differently. Allistic brains are best at navigating social rules and structures and internalizing broad strokes and large categories. They look at a table for the first time and think: “That’s a table.” And that’s pretty much as far as they go. They might spend a few seconds to note the material or color or overall condition of the table, but that’s it. 

Autistic brains are specialized in details. It means we have more information to process, all those details without any mechanism for discarding the ones that aren’t important, but it also means we get to see everything about something. I see that new table and I can get lost in tracing the patterns of the grain for hours on end. Sure, it takes me longer, but I get a lot more out of it, and I get a joy from that which allistic people just don’t seem to get.

It’s similar with our interests. Allistics have broad interests, dipping their toe into the shallow ends of a thousand different pools but never really diving in. Autistics have narrow but intense interests. We absorb every detail, and in doing so experience an intense and wonderful euphoria. Honestly, sometimes I feel sorry for all the allistic people in the world who never get to experience that. The poor things… ;)

-Mod Aira

For me, I can have both special interests and normal-level interests. Just because I have stuff that I really really love and am passionate about doesn’t mean I can’t also have other interests, that I’m not quite as passionate about but that I like to dabble in from times to times or as a part of my routine. I do not feel however the urge or will to research them in more depth. There is joy that I can derive from it, but there is not the same “drive” to pursue it. I’d say that’s the main difference between a regular interest and what we call a special interest: a drive to learn about it, talk about it, read about it, build projects about it, engage with it, that is much stronger. So one person can have one or a few special interests, but I’d say it’s not always to the exclusion of everything else.

I think the intensity of special interests, their “obsessiveness” and whether or not the person likes to engage with other subjects that their special interests depends a lot from one person to the next. My special interests sound less intense than what Aira is describing, and I may have more varied non-special interests. So really I’d say this is something that depends a lot from one person to the next.

I also want to add that just because someone has a narrow range of interests doesn’t mean they’re one-dimensional: I’ve seen a special interest described as a lense through which you understand the world. The world is large, and even if you have only one such “lense”, that’s a lot of things to discover with that unique point of view.

-Mod Cat

[superchicalonelyviking]

Blog post number 3

Hello!

So it’s been two weeks since our last post and in that time we’ve finished the trip across Western Russia and Siberia and made it across the Sea of Japan to (guess where) Japan! This might be quite a long post but will try not to go on too much!

So to pick up from where Mat left off, he eventually did get that game of chess out of the bear guide but we didn’t go for dinner in the end after finding some mystery baked goods at a station- on the platforms there are usually ladies with boxes of food to sell, with everything from ice cream to salads, from cucumbers to a kind of ravioli with potato or cabbage inside which seems to be a popular Russian dish. I think it’s called Vareniki. There are lots of these savoury donut - type things with sausages or other meat or cheese inside. At one point there were lots of ladies carrying armfuls of smoked / dried fish which everyone on the train seemed to love! Of course everyone also brings instant noodles as there is a samovar of hot water in each carriage so you can make a hot meal in a few minutes.

We were third class on the train which meant sleeping in the open car with around 50 other people, but everyone has their own bed and a place underneath for belongings, and the atmosphere on the train was much friendlier and more relaxed than I expected. It’s an interesting mix of people- some very old, some very young - on the first night a toddler was wandering up and down the train getting bits of food off different people, there were a group of young men on what sounded like a ‘lads lads lads’ type trip to Moscow being kept in check by an elderly lady (wearing a crocheted white cap- nana if you’re reading this, it reminded me of your sofa protectors!) sleeping beside them and later drunkenly advising us on how not to book a taxi in Irkutsk whilst also playing games with the kids in our ‘bit’ .

The train route passes through a lot of thick forest and by some small towns as you head out toward the Ural Mountains which mark the edge of 'European Russia’ and the beginning of Siberia. There are many vast modern cities with huge blocks of flats- apparently 85% of Russians live in the city now- and in between are very traditional-looking villages with usually one storey wooden buildings, often painted in turquoise, green or yellow, with a vegetable garden outside.

A lot of time is spent just gazing out of the window. It’s amazing how long you travel for before reaching anywhere - it really makes you appreciate how huge the country is and how isolated some of the places would have been before the railway was built at the end of the 19th century.

After 4 nights on the train we were glad to arrive in Irkutsk, near to Lake Baikal- Irkutsk was traditionally a trading/tax post for furs and other goods from Siberia, and is now a modern university city. An event which contributed to the development of Irkutsk was the arrival of some of the Decemberists - a group of very well educated Revolutionaries from Moscow who failed their attempted coup in 1825 and some of whom were exiled to Siberia, and here helped develop local education and living standards.

Irkutsk has lots of beautiful buildings, some of the traditional Siberian wooden style and other more grand stone buildings, many of which came with the development of the area at the time of the gold rush. We stayed with a host family in a large modern apartment block by the Angara River, they had both lived in this part of Siberia for most of their lives and had a very cute 1 year old daughter- they’d asked for an English children’s book so we took the Alfie and Annie Rose story book. One night we made them a Toad in the Hole and some Cairney scones which went down very well!

We arranged a trip to Lake Baikal from Irkutsk- Baikal is the largest freshwater lake in the world, and contains roughly a quarter of the entire planet’s freshwater. To be perfectly honest I wasn’t hugely excited about Baikal because I’ve seen plenty of lakes before (I mean come on, you can’t beat Windermere!) but it is truly breathtaking- the sheer vastness of the lake hits you as soon as you lay eyes upon it, with the snowy mountain peaks beyond, and very little in the way of anything on the shores aside from several small villages. That day we decided to hike up the Great Baikal Trail - a project set up by volunteers to make a path around the entire lake , yet to be completed - walk round to a beach on the other side of a hill overlooking the lake and back again (expecting this would take around 3 hours). 2 hours in we’d only just reached the top of the first hill , and our provisions consisted of an empty water bottle and a small bag of pine nuts so at this stage we decided to give up and go back, though we did get a fantastic view of the lake from the top, and it was a beautiful walk through thick, untouched woodland with nothing but a few Siberian style houses down by the lake. Back by Baikal we found some of the local food which is smoked fish from the lake in a kind of bread roll, and some shashlyk, I decided to go for a “swim” (it was extremely cold, after putting my ankles in I decided to abort the plan but the combination of peer pressure from some people watching from the beach and a particularly slippy rock was too much) and we walked back along the path by the lake , past the houses with people smoking fish on a fire outside. It was a very sunny and warm day, and very peaceful- it’s true what they say that Baikal does have a magical sense to it. I would love to go back one day.

The following day was the next leg of our trans Siberian trip- our host very kindly gave us a lift to the station, the family was going to their Dacha which is a kind of large allotment, usually with a summer house, which is a very popular thing in Russia for city dwellers. We had bought a second class ticket for this train as it wasn’t much more expensive and meant we got our own room. Our compartment was very nice and felt like true luxury after third class! I did some watercolour painting(thanks Shing!), we both read a lot, mat wrote a song, it was a nice few days. The scenery changed quite spectacularly from the dense forest and 'taiga’ of the more western parts and there were now huge purple mountains - we think on the border to Mongolia and China - with forest, small lakes and rivers and grasslands in the foreground.

After 3 days we reached Vladivostok, the end of the trans Siberian railway. It was very misty and grey the morning we arrived at the grand station, but we soon had a warm welcome from our host who picked us up and drove us over to their flat. Their place was at the top of a large block of flats overlooking the city and they made a really nice breakfast of tea, pine nuts, honey, aubergine pate and home made bread. They were really friendly and really into jigsaw puzzles ! In the evening Mat helped their 6 year old daughter (who apparently makes friends with guests by using them as a human climbing frame) complete one whilst I made the third Yorkshire pudding of our trip so far which is fast becoming a Yorkshire pudding tour of the world !

Vladivostok has been an important military base for centuries and was closed until the 90’s, so it’s a fascinating place to pass through! We stayed just one night and the next day left Russia for Japan, this time by sea!

The ferry to Japan was also a lot of fun, with its own night club, sauna and karaoke! There were lots of merry Japanese people partying and later sitting around on the floor playing a kind of game which we never quite understood. We met a great German couple from Berlin who were doing a similar trip to us but with bikes, and whilst the ferry stopped in South Korea we found a Korean restaurant and had an amazing lunch of a kind of ramen style dish, rice and lots of small dishes with different vegetables. South Korea was very beautiful with an extremely neat and tidy port town with lots of very clean looking factories and slick blocks of flats interspersed with farming fields, and lush mountains beyond. It was a baking hot day and the whole feel of the place was a world apart from Vladivostok ! There was a beautiful sunset from the deck of the boat that night, and just a few hours later we were in Japan which is a whole other story for another day- I’ll let Mat tell you about this place!

So all in all it’s been a fascinating trip across Russia to Japan, it’s been really interesting to learn about Russian history - which is helpful for understanding the rest of Europe and Asia- whilst travelling across it! We’re really looking forward to exploring more of Japan, China and Mongolia before beginning the journey back home through Russia once more.

Really missing you all back home and enjoying the updates!

Love Libby and Mat

PS haven’t included names of people we met as I wasn’t sure whether you’d want that - if you don’t mind, let me know !

[quietnova]

Dragons

This is going to be a long story. 

Some of you, those who have been following me for a while or seen me at conventions, know that I am *trying* to branch out into designing toys rather than just making them. There are a lot of reasons for this, primarily so that I have time: time to design new things, time to rest, time to do literally anything other than crochet delightful sea creatures - you get the gist. 

It’s not that I don’t love making things, I do. And I’m certainly not going to stop making things; I’m pretty sure I can’t, to be honest. But I have to admit that it would certainly be much easier on me, at least for my wrists, to have sewing machines do most of the work. 

So. The dragons. 

I finally made enough money to get a run of plushies made, and I decided to start with my red dragons as my first line. Dragons were one of my most popular items, but they were a lot of work to make, so I figured they would be perfect as plushies. 

I decided to go with Gann Memorials for my production. Now that I’ve already made my mistakes, I’ve had a lot of people tell me that I should never have partnered with Gann, but since nobody felt the need to tell me anything about them previous to my giving them quite a lot of money, that’s who I went with. I did have one person tell me that they were “skeevy”, but since she wouldn’t go into any detail or even use any other words to describe them, I assumed her issue was personal in nature and dismissed it. I wasn’t planning on spending time with these people, I reasoned, just entering into a business arrangement with them. I don’t care if they’re skeevy. I care if they’re competent. 

Well, now I know. 

We began in July of 2015, a year and a half ago. I made the initial phone call (which was grand, because I have social anxiety and calling people on the phone is one of my least favorite things to do). Chris Gann (hereafter Chris) was a genial guy, very much a salesman - but, since I was looking to buy things from him, that was pretty much what I was looking for. We set up an account for me. Promises were made, verbal assurances; they specialize in quick turnaround for orders, I’d have them in less than three months (assuming that I don’t take forever making alterations, of course), they have very high quality standards, et cetera. 

A few days later he set up a Basecamp account. Basecamp is an app for communication between people working on a project together. I can definitely recommend it; it works out beautifully for that precise thing. The account was started July 27. 

So far, so good. 

On August 11, he sent me the first sample images. They needed some tweaking, but I was starting to get excited. I made my recommendations and he went off to relay them to the production team. 

On August 19, he sent the second sample images. These were very close. I accepted this version:

Cute, right? I think it’s cute. Grumpy, but not off-putting; now that I have a little more experience under my belt, I can see where I would make further changes, but it’s still very cute.  

September 1: Chris tells me that the dragons will be shipped to me in October. 

September 7: Chris informs me that these guys are going to need tags. I hadn’t thought about that, but I whip up an acceptable tag design (it’s not great but it’ll work) and send it off to him two days later. I don’t hear back from him until October 2nd, when I ask for a shipping estimate; Chris assures me that they’ll ship by the end of the month. 

October 21: Chris asks me to approve the tag design that I had sent him. I’m a little confused, but I approve. The day after, I approve of the shipping mark and I start to get myself emotionally prepared to receive a large shipment of toys. 

October 29: I check up again on the time frame. Chris says he’ll ask. 

November 2: Chris says that they’ll be shipped by the end of the week. 

I want to point out here that Chris told me they would be *delivered* by the end of October, not shipped at the beginning of November. I’m a little unhappy with this, but you know, things happen. Whatever. I’ll probably shop around for the next line of plushies due to this delay; he hasn’t lost my business forever at this point, but neither has he pleased me to the point where I would go with his company again as a matter of course. 

November 5: Chris sends me pictures of the final product. There’s not much in the way of variation from what I had already approved, so I assume all is well. He also tells me that I’ll be getting extra product on their dime. I am pleased by the prospect, as that would mollify me about the delay. Unfortunately, it turns out not to be true. 

Novemter 18: I receive the boxes. I do not believe in putting things off, so I opened them immediately and went through my product, counting and sorting carefully. I am widely dismayed by what I find. 

I ordered 350 dragons. It’s a small order, in the way of these things, but it was what I could afford. I did receive exactly 350 dragons, but they were not what I had approved. Every aspect was correct and acceptable *except* the most important part of any mammal, toy or not: the face. In this case, the eyes. Of the whole order, 17 dragons had split seams (not a big deal, I’m handy with a needle and I understand that they underwent significant squishing in order to fit them into as few boxes as possible to make shipping affordable); 46 were correct, as in their eye placement and shape were in a range close to what I had approved of; and a whopping 286 of them had what I have to call drastically incorrect eye placement. Here’s what I mean: 

The eyelids are too low and placed at the wrong angle, making it look sleepy (still sellable, but not what I paid for). The eyelids are, by the way, glued into place. 

These eyes are totally wrong (and, may I remind you, glued into place, so I can’t fix it without cutting the eyes out completely). That’s just... wrong. 

This guy has to be my favorite. One eye is significantly larger than the other one and has been placed about a quarter inch higher; the eyelids are entirely wonky - and still glued into place. 

Dec 3: Chris tells me he is trying to work things out with the factory; I send him the above images for clarification. He says he may just have me keep what I received and he will replace the entire order on his dime. 

I am, at this point, entirely depressed. I feel like a failure. I have a certainty that this issue will not be corrected, and even if it is, it won’t be corrected in anything like a reasonable time scale. I feel that I have wasted a very large sum of money and way too much time and it makes me angry and hugely, vastly, deeply disappointed. 

January 5, 2016: Chris asks me if the appearance of the dragons I received is somehow different from the sample I approved. I wonder to myself if he has working eyeballs, or at least knows someone who does, but I respond in the affirmative and re-send all of the pictures, including the one I approved for reference. All of these pictures are still in the Basecamp account. All I have to do is scroll to look at these exact same pictures, but I send them again anyways. I also ask for honesty, here; if he’s not going to fix this, please at least have the decency to tell me about it so I can move on with my life and not have to expend my energy trying to get something done here. 

January 7: Chris takes umbrage at the notion that he might just possibly not bother to fix these glaring mistakes, as he is nothing if not forthright and good. I point out that the delivery took much, much longer than he had initially told me, and that the extra product that was supposed to be included with the shipment never showed up. 

January 8: Chris says that he  misspoke about me getting extras; there will not be another box forthcoming, he was mistaken about that. He does graciously allow me to keep the gigantic pile of unsellable, wasted material that they sent me, and promises that he’ll have the dragons remade at his expense and the issue with the eyes will definitely be fixed in the next batch. (This also turns out to be untrue.)

January 9: Chris tells me that the next batch will ship out after the Chinese New Year. This makes sense to me; holidays always mess up shipping times, and these are travelling across the planet, after all. I settle down and assume they’ll be here in six to eight weeks. 

April 20: This is more than six to eight weeks, you will notice. Chris tells me to expect a shipment some time late next month. I have given up on ever seeing these damn things. 

September 23: Chris sends new pictures for approval. It has been over a year since the first time I went through this process; I was told that I would have them in under three months. Over a year. I’ve moved to a different state by this point and yes, I was snippy. I pointed out that in the FIVE MONTHS since I last heard from him, my address had changed. 

I liked the new ones. These looked angrier. If I got dragons like these, I would be able to sell them in exchange for money. 

November 16: Chris asks me for my delivery address. Again. I ask if this indicates that they will be shipped soon, but there’s no response. 

January 10, 2017: Gene Gann, another employee of Gann Memorials, informs me that I should expect my shipment by mid-February. 

February 8: Gene asks me for my phone number, which I supply, so the shipper can get into contact with me to set up a delivery time. 

February 15: The shipper calls me. We set up a delivery time. 

February 17, 2017: I receive six boxes full of dragons. They have the same qualities of the first batch, only there are more of them this time. Four - I repeat, four - are correct, in that they match the above picture. A further 189 are in sellable condition, looking sleepy or disappointed rather than angry but otherwise having no defects. 27 have split seams, only three of which I bother fixing since the other 24 have devastatingly bizarre eye placement. 303 dragons go into boxes with glued-on, incorrectly placed, wrongly sized eyes. 

In the end, I’ve received a total of 243 dragons that are in a sellable condition. Only a small portion of those actually resemble what I ordered. 589 dragons can only be sold as misfits. I put some in grab bags, feeling guilty. I see them in trash cans at conventions and can’t really blame anyone. 218 dragons, which should have been sold at a profit to fund the next line, are utterly unusable. I have scrapped them and am using their stuffing to fill other projects. 

I am bitter about the entire thing. I am angry. I am never, ever going to do business with Gann Memorials again, nor will I recommend them to anyone, as I cannot with good conscience do so, because if they had an experience anything similar to mine I would be wracked with the most horrible guilt. 

I *am* going to try again. As tempting as it is to simply give up, to assume that there is something lacking about my character, that there is something about me that makes things like this happen, I won’t do it. I’m saving up for another line of plush toys. I am shopping around for a different company to work with. 

My hands are tired and my blood pressure is high, but I’m still going. 

(I want to put in a disclaimer that I am not assuming anything about the personal morality of Chris or Gene Gann. I do not want them attacked or thought of in any wrong way because of how all of this went down. This was a business deal, and sometimes they go sour. This could have been a series of misunderstandings, mistakes, communication errors, unfortunate events, what have you. I don’t know what’s going on in their lives. These are things that happened, and they will affect who I do business with going forward, but I don’t assume that these are bad people. I don’t think I could encourage anyone to have a business relationship with this company and these people, but if you want to have a beer with them, I’m sure they’re very nice.)

[therestlesswitch]

Full Moon tarot journal entry!!

This is a spread I did last night to see what the coming moon cycle has in store and what I should focus on in the near future. 

I looked through tumblr to find a full moon spread that I connected with and felt relevant to my current situation. I found this one on WitchoftheNorthWest's blog, but it looks like it originally came from here.

I rephrased the card placement meanings as I find ones that begin with 'things' can mislead my readings.

Here's what I drew:

(Yes my altar is crowded.. and messy.. I had a lot of stuff going on last night, okay!)

As per, I’d love feedback on my interpretations and I’d love to hear how you’d read this!

Keep reading for the whole journal entry!

Releasing. What should you let go of?

The Wheel of Fortune

Before reading the guidebook:

Key words: abundance, mess, what goes up must come down.

Interpretation: I should let go of physical abundance, things. I should let go of my worry of things coming down because what will happen will happen.

In the book: 

Whether day or night, the Wheel of Fortune is always in motion. Some call it fate; others destiny. It's possible to go for months or years without feeling it's presence...but when this card appears, the eye of the wheel is fixed upon you. Don't be surprised if there's a change of course heading your way, something you'd least expect. Whatever happens, it is bringing you closer to your life's purpose.

After reading the book:

So, I don't think I was quite right in my intuitive reading. I think I need to let go of the fear of change because change will happen regardless.  I suppose I was somewhat right in my intuitive reading in that what will come, will come.  

2. Retaining. What should you hold onto?

The Sun

Before reading:

Key Words: Brightness, Centre of the solar system, radiating, active energy.

Interpretation: Hold onto your bright centre, and radiate that energy out.

In the book:

Imagine for a moment that you're soaking in the warm rays of the sun. It feels nourishing and healing; all your aches and pains just fade away. The Sun card brings this amazing energy into your life. Vitality and health abound, while you feel assurance and clarity in all you do. Spend some extra time outside today, be grateful for the radiance of the sun and the life force it gives all creatures. 

After reading:

Hold onto any warm/assured/healing energy I feel. Hold onto it and radiate that out to my surroundings and people in my life.

3. Receiving. What will be coming into your life?

The Son of Cups

Before reading:

Key words: Soft but fierce, stronger than it looks, creative.

Interpretation: A soft but strong person or energy will enter my life. Maybe as a new friendship or as a new energy.

In the book:

Like all of the cups family, the son truly excels within the arts. He's usually a musician or a visual artist of some kind, and he finds success within his field. His natural tendency to look inward adds to his charm and mystique. To others, he may seem secretive and ever peaceful, while deep inside he carries a dark kernel of intensity.

After Reading:

It may be a person, or since the Sons are cards of action, it may present as an opportunity to take action in a creative field.

4. Surroundings. How is the world around you affecting you?

Four of Wands

Before reading:

Key Words: Converging lines, a cool/cold centre, very directional.

Interpretation: Heading in many directions, maybe pulled in so many directions that it's leaving me cold.

In the book:

You've done it! The Four of Wands is a card of completion. Your labours have been steady and strong, and the harvest will be plentiful. In other words, it's time to party. There might be an upcoming event to mark this occasion... a graduation, wedding or celebration of some kind. So enjoy yourself and those you love. This is an exciting and prosperous time.

After reading:

Well I was way off.... I'm not sure how to take this one, because I haven't been working particularly persistently at anything and nothing in my life is near completion. The only thing i've been working on continuously are a huge crochet project, my herbal medicine studies and unpacking.. none of those are anywhere near complete..so I suppose I should keep reflecting on this and see if anything pops up in the near future.

5. Giving. What should you focus on giving to those around you?

Son of Pentacles

Before reading:

Key words: Gentle, shy, reserved, a stronger flight than fight instinct.

Interpretation: Be conservative with what you give to others, don't give too much too quickly. Or it could mean focus on giving physical items to those who are too reserved to ask for anything.

In the book:

The good side of the Son of Pentacles is that he's loyal and determined. He's inventive and can be trusted wholeheartedly. But sometimes this figure becomes stubborn and persistent to a fault. This combined with his quiet nature, results in his being hard to get to know and socially awkward at times. He commonly has only one or two close friends rather than many.

After reading:

Be reserved with what you give to others, but pay attention and make sure you're not becoming too guarded. Give your loyalty and trustworthiness 100%. Since he is facing the Son of Cups, maybe these are the things I should pay attention to when the person or thing from #3 comes into my life. 

6. Beginnings. What will begin in your life soon?

The Father of Pentacles

Before Reading:

Key Words: Leadership, protector but less in a 'fight me' way and more in the 'i'll give you early warning and lead you away from danger' way.

Interpretation: A new endeavour with a distinct direction. Be brave, but conservative, don't put too much aggressive energy into this.

In the book:

The Father of Pentacles is a steady, gentle man. Upon first meeting, he can almost seem dull because of his extremely calm temperament. But underneath is an incredibly passionate man who prioritizes the stability of his job, family and home. He is entrepreneurial and diligent at work. A true pleasure to know.

After reading:

I feel I wasn't too far off. An entrepreneurial endeavour may begin and it may seem dull at first, but it may offer stability.

7. Your Lesson. What should you be learning this moon cycle?

The Chariot

Before reading:

Key Words: Forward movement, focus, goals, confidence

Interpretation: Learn to focus on a goal, be confident in your decisions and I will make great progress.

In the book:

The Chariot is your confidence, your will and your inner warrior. At points in your life when you felt the bliss off achievement or triumph, you were riding on his back. Build a relationship with this part of yourself. Try to "see" the chariot inside you. The more focused your mind, the easier it will be to sense his presence and stay mounted on his back. With a fixed gaze and sure footing, you'll be headed toward all you dream of.

After reading:

The Chariot has come up in this context for me before, so my deck is really emphasizing my need to learn to focus. I tend to bounce from task to task, interest to interest very frequently, even many times in one day. I need to pick one, and try to make the rest just hobbies that a reserve a small amount of time each day for.

All in all, I think this is a useful and insightful reading. I can't attest to some of it's accuracy as they are future things, but but I think that the cards that pertain to the now are quite accurate and I've definitely been taking my deck's advice and trying to keep my readings in mind each day.

Thanks for reading!

[fabulizemag]

28 days of supporting Black creatives and small businesses

New Post has been published on https://fabulizemag.com/2019/02/28-days-of-supporting-black-creatives-and-small-businesses/

28 days of supporting Black creatives and small businesses

As we conclude Black History Month and head into Black HERstory month aka Women’s History month, we wanted to compile a comprehensive list of black creates and businesses to support. Please support black creatives year round. Let them know they are visible; even if you don’t but their goods, share their work with others. Be the word of mouth, share their social media and leave good reviews on their business pages.

Crown of Curls

Crown of Curls “I officially started Crown of Curls about 3 years ago. Initially I was making hair creams, and I only gave them to family and friends. I now make a larger range of products, from body butters to conditioning leave-in sprays. Every item is handmade using natural ingredients. All products can be tailored to fit your needs. I also offer completely custom-made hair creams and hair oils. While anyone can use my products, all items are made with kinky-curly hair in mind. ”

You can find them on IG and Facebook.

Ben Reynolds is an animator working on a few projects. He has Kerlash and he’s working on an hip hop animation series.

“Subscribe to me on Youtube! I have an animated web series about a ninja girl in artschool. I only have 2 episodes so far but I’m currently working on the next one. There’s also tutorials and videos of me ranting about animation. I have another fairly new youtube channel where I make AMV’s based on hiphop and R&B. I only have one video up so far, but will start updating more regularly once I wrap up some other things I’m working on.”

Whole As Wednesdays

WholeAsWednesday

Whole as Wednesdays is a podcast where the black femme working-class perspective is centered.

Banks of Commune

Banks of Commune “Banks of commune’s serums, masks, oil cleansers, and polishes are enriched with omega balanced fatty acids, helping skin to maintain the healthy oil and water balance our skin needs. skin that has a balanced layer of protective oil has less inflammation, a stronger immune system, leading to smooth, clear, calm skin. the select ingredients counteract environmental pollution, and stress-related inflammation. facial muscles and skin need a workout as well. having a facial clears out debris and toxins, giving that glow a great platform to shine through. providing facials for 16 years, and consistently researching our skin’s processes has shown me that stress and imbalanced nourishment combine to wreak havoc on our bodies, which is reflected in our skin. regular facial treatments and your skin’s daily “food” encourages balanced skin. a banks of commune skin is radiant.”

Charlotte Banks is an esthetician and has been practicing for 16 years. She formulates skincare products with black skin and melanated skin centered.

You can find them on Instagram

Hello Boogie

Serving you the full urban art anime fantasy, Hello Boogie is a clothing brand that is about empowerment in all shapes and form. It’s a brand that screams ‘Fuck you!’ to the nay-sayers. It’s passive aggressive rebellion made fashionable. It’s that brand that hates getting up in the morning. It does not have time to deal with it’s co-workers bullshit. It’s going to wear what it wants even if it’s inappropriate, even if it’s “too much”.

It’s cool, it’s sexy, it’s dangerous.

Beauty Pop

Shan Walz owner of Beauty Pop Self-Care Shop

Beauty Pop is dedicated to the woman who wants to live her best life on her terms. With a focus on natural ingredients, remedies, and holistic life hacks, Beauty Pop is here to serve you! In addition to fostering a culture of sisterhood and support, we are here to ensure other small businesses win! Come on in to Beauty Pop and let us enhance your dopeness.

About Shan Walz: I own Beauty Pop, a self-care shop in Norfolk, VA. I sell all natural soaps, hair, bath, and yoni products in addition to loose leaf herbal teas (hand blended by yours truly) and dessert teas. I also carry books and handmade accessories by local Black owned businesses. I’m also hosting a Free Baby Food Drive to assist families who won’t receive nutrition benefits in February due to the government shutdown. I literally picked vegetables from a farm and HANDMADE baby food to distribute from my shop, free of charge to those needing the service.

You can find them on IG and Facebook.

Inner Wisdom Doula and Lactation Services

Inner Wisdom Doula and Lactation

About Kendra:

“I’m a birth & postpartum doula, Certified Lactation Counselor, & Placenta Encapsulation Specialist serving the MetroWest Boston area. If you’re looking for a doula, lactation support, placenta encapsulation and/or you just like things birth, breastfeeding, & babies, come check out my page.”

Visit their IG for more info.

Drinking With Blerds

Drinking With Blerds is where two Caribbean-ish black millennial professionals unpack all the mysteries of life over drinks. Tune in as we discuss things like bad high school memories, adulting, being black and young in the workplace, a bunch of things going on in popular culture, all the the problematic shit going on in the world, and pretty much anything we want to talk about. Also we’re petty so listeners beware. Cheers!

Small Scale Styles

About Nina: “Well hello there, my lovelies! My name is Nina and I love making things. Art, craft, music, trouble. Those are my jams! This shop came about because I started making things for my niece’s doll. I soon discovered, how much I love making doll fashions. I also found I really enjoy customizing dolls so most of the dolls you will see in my shop, I redesigned to my liking!

This shop may be new to Etsy but I’m not. I have a metalsmithing jewelry shop (Beads In The Belfry) that I started in 2007 but is currently on hiatus. I hope you like what you see! I have so many ideas that I’ll be adding new things to the shop just as fast as my fingers can fly!”

Follow Nina and her pretty dolls on Instagram.

Griot Enterprises

Horsemen Graphic Novel

Home of The Horsemen and 4 Pages 16 Bars: A Visual Mixtape! The gods of Ancient Africa have returned to save humanity from itself… Whether we like it or not.

Find more black comics on Facebook.

Yarn Goddess Cosplay

Yarn Goddess Cosplay

Geeky. Crocheted. Local. Yarn Goddess Cosplay shows there is more to crocheting than just granny squares. Shop crop tops, bathing suits, pillows or place a custom order!

Amasia

Shane Paul Neil launches Amasia

About Shane Paul Neil: “I’m the CEO of a new business development agency, www.Amasia.io. I’m slowly getting back to writing. Check spnwrites on IG. Check out. BlackPodcastHub.com for a directory of Black podcasts. Finally, Unreasonable Fridays is the podcast crew.”

Breast Milk University

Breast Milk University is the favorite source for all breastfeeding related spiritwear and keepsakes. We know the breastfeeding journey inside out and we want to share our pride with the world. We are here to #normalizebreastfeeding and we know breastfeeding comes in many different forms. Every breastfeeding journey is not easy and doesn’t last forever but let’s celebrate the accomplishments we have made! Our hope is to inspire women to learn more about breastfeeding and find support in this community of milk makers!

Follow them on Facebook and Instagram.

AforFi

Power through representation

Afro-Fi TV

Dreaming Elephants Tutoring

Dreaming Elephants Tutoring

Meet Thomas Sumter:

“I’m the Owner and Founder of Dreaming Elephants Tutoring in Philadelphia, PA. We offer in home Academic Tutoring and Test Prep(ACT/SAT, ISEE/SSAT, GRE/GMAT) for all students K-12 and *College and Grad Students(for select classes). Our primary focuses are English/Language Arts, Math, and the Natural Sciences(Biology, Chemistry, Physics,etc). Two things will make us different than your typical Tutoring company. First,we are led by people with a history or background in Education. I personally have been tutoring for 13 years and anybody I hire must have at least 3 years of tutoring/teaching experience. The second thing that makes us different(and better), we create individual tutoring plans/guides for each individual client and their academic needs.

Just as your teachers would create a lesson plan for an entire class, we do the same thing for each of our clients. This lesson plan is available for the client, their parents and educators to follow along as we tutor with them each session.”

Find them on Facebook.

Che’la McClain

About Che’la: “I’m a poet and I’ve been writing for what’ll be 15 years in a few months. I’m also a model and I’d like to think my website has variety in its subjects.”

Che’la McClain received her Bachelor of Arts degree in Poetry/Creative Writing with an Education Minor from Columbia College Chicago in 2017. A Gary, Indiana native she began her higher education pursuit at Vincennes University where she received her Associate of Science degree in General Studies as she shaped her long term goals. Che’la is an avid reader and through her literary excursions she receives inspiration for her true life passion which is poetry. She acknowledges her most free and authentic expression is through both writing and performing in this art. Since high school she has performed many of her original works throughout the Indiana and Illinois area in such events as both annual “Louder than a Bomb” Poetry Slam, and “One Night Only” Talent Showcase. As her schedule permits, she frequents the “open mic” circuit in Chicago. In her limited spare time she busies herself with her other interest which include photography, sewing, music of all genres, and playing the acoustic guitar. Her passion for all areas of the arts is the impetus for her ultimate goal; to teach underprivileged or special needs children self-expression through the arts. Che’la lives in Chicago, Illinois and is currently working in customer service to support herself.

Come Taste Africa

Come Taste Africa

Taste of Africa is a multi-pronged African Food Culture and Lifestyle initiative aimed at exposing, showcasing and providing access-to-market for African Food Products and those involved in its industry. We provide an experiential African food journey, online African food knowledge, information and lifestyle content depicting the modern and historical narrative of African food.

Learn more about their delicious food on Facebook.

The Art of Teshika Silver

View this post on Instagram

Grow. Inside. Outside. The spaces in between. The first in a series of three. Come by this weekend to one of the places I’ll be vending and pick up a print to remind you to grow. Check my bio and Instagram story for event details.

A post shared by Teshika Silver (@astratesh) on Feb 21, 2019 at 12:35pm PST

Teshika is a creative with over 12 years of wide-range professional art experience. Illustration is her passion, using both traditional media as well as digital programs to create pieces that are both captivating and magical. She is also an intuitive graphic designer, working with local organizations and small business owners alike: be it by logo design, promotional pieces or other marketing collateral. She is currently a teaching artist at Hyde Park Art Center where she works closely with youth. She strives to create work that uplifts, heals and promotes the resilience of marginalized people.

Follow her on IG.

Holistic Heights

“As the great grandchild of an Indigenous Healer from the Island of Grenada, I could not escape my roots. Working in Corporate America for many years, I began to see colleagues grow sick, many even passing at a young age. I had become overwhelmed by the need to liberate myself and my loved ones from a modernity that denies an age old tradition of healthy lifestyle. On September 11th, 2001, I was pregnant with my first child, working near The World Trade Center / “Twin Towers”. When Tower One collapsed, I ran for my life, and it feels like I’ve been running ever since; running from illness and the general decay that can get the better of us when we fail to equate happiness with healthiness. After 9/11 my son and I developed severe cases of asthma and eczema. The idea of becoming a guinea pig for allopathic treatment was out of the question. I was determined to heal the bodies of my son and I naturally. This was my mission as well as the birth of Holistic Heights!

I received my professional training as a Holistic Health Practitioner from the Institute for Integrative Nutrition’s cutting-edge Health Coach Training Program, as well as Teachers College, Columbia University.

During my training, I studied over 100 dietary theories, practical lifestyle management techniques, and innovative coaching methods with some of the world’s top health and wellness experts. My teachers included Dr. Andrew Weil, Director of the Arizona Center for Integrative Medicine; Dr. Deepak Chopra, leader in the field of mind-body medicine; Dr. David Katz, Director of Yale University’s Prevention Research Center; Dr. Walter Willett, Chair of Nutrition at Harvard University; Iyanla Vanzant, one of America’s most profound spiritual leaders and acclaimed empowerment legends; Geneen Roth, bestselling author and expert on emotional eating; and many other leading researchers and nutrition authorities.

My journey in wellness led me to further advance myself in various holistic methods of healing. Realizing healing manifests in many forms, I later became a Reiki Practitioner, Reflexologist, Aromatherapist, Iridologist and Yoni Steam Spa & Yoga Practitioner. I am grateful for the opportunity to have met and studied under some of the best healers of our day, including Dr. Laila Afrika, world renowned physician, researcher, author and healer; Dr. Akua, naturopath, spiritualist and master teacher, International Operations Director for A Life of Peace Wellness Institute, Inc., an international holistic health education and wellness non-profit organization, Queen Esther Hydrotherapist & Nutritionist of Queen Esther’s Holistic Haven LLC in Brooklyn, NY. Master Reflexologist & Healer, Dr. El Ha Gahn; Sister Maa and Dr Sebi, world renowned healers and founders of The Fig Tree, The USHA Healing Village in Honduras, and The Electric Cell Food; Elder Mr. Hooker, Intuitive Energy Healer and Wellness Instructor; Dr. Paul Goss, Master Iridologist and best selling author; Sat-Ra Sobukwe SoDaye, Kemetic Reiki Master and Founder of the Yoni Steam Institute, & LIFE the most important, influential instructor of all.

My education and intuitive abilities has equipped me with extensive knowledge in holistic nutrition, health coaching, energy healing and preventive health. Drawing on these skills and my knowledge of living a holistic lifestyle, I work with my clients to help them make lifestyle changes that produce real and lasting results. My passion lies in educating, empowering and connecting one to their body’s innate ability to heal itself. It is our birthright.

Come join me…

My Approach

​*A different approach

I practice a holistic approach to health and wellness, which means that I look at how all areas of your life are connected. Does stress at your job or in your relationship cause you to over eat? Does lack of sleep or low energy prevent you from exercising? As we work together, we will look at how all parts of your life affect your health as a whole.

A health coach (or health counselor) is a wellness guide and supportive mentor. Together, we will work to achieve your goals in areas such as achieving optimal weight, food cravings, sleep and energy. Through working with me, you’ll develop a deeper understanding of the foods and lifestyle choices that work best for you and implement lasting changes that will improve your energy, balance and health.

*Bio-individuality

The concept of bio-individuality is that each person has her or his own food and lifestyle needs. One person’s food is another person’s poison, and thats why fad diets tend to fail in the long run. Working on the principle of bio-individuality, I will support you in making positive changes that are based on your unique needs, lifestyle, personal preferences, and background. Instead of prescribing one fix for all people, I use a personalized, holistic approach that is based on your needs.

*Everything is food

We are not only fed by food, but by other factors in our lives. Healthy relationships, a fulfilling career, regular physical activity and a spiritual practice are essential forms of nourishment. When these primary foods are balanced, what you eat becomes secondary.”

Support these black-owned businesses and creatives!

[sarahburness]

Create More, Consume Less: A Surefire Way to Feel More Excited About Life

“Creating means living.” ~Dejan Stojanovic

We live in a consumer culture. We love to eat, drink, and be merry—while binge watching whatever’s trending on Netflix and getting a dopamine hit for every item added to our cart on Amazon Prime.

We love to take it all in—information, entertainment, status updates, news reports, substances, and an endless array of stuff. There’s never a shortage of things we can consume, often to keep our minds distracted and our feelings silenced.

Now don’t get me wrong. I love a good meal, a Jim Beam or two, and an afternoon spent zoned out on my couch, Penn Badgley haunting me hour by hour as his stalking escalates from creepy to criminal.

And I’m all for staying educated and updated, on issues both important and inane. I’ve spent hours obsessively researching all things health-related, and I’m embarrassed to admit that my search history reveals more than a healthy number of celebrity websites, if such a number exists.

I also understand the instinct to shut down for a while. Our minds can get intolerably loud, and sometimes, external demands can be overwhelming. A little disengagement can be a good thing in a world that often requires us to be on.

But there needs to be some kind of balance. If we spend our whole lives ingesting information and scarfing down an assortment of stuff meant to soothe us, we’ll never have the time or space to connect with ourselves and create the things we want to create.

I’m not talking just about artistic expression, though I personally feel more alive when I’m bringing some type of creative vision to life. I’m talking about filling the void inside with our own curiosity, passion, and awe instead of constantly stuffing it with external pleasures.

It may not seem like it in the moment when our shows, social media, or shopping carts beckon, but often the greatest pleasure stems from actively working toward a life that excites us.

What are some things we can create?

1. A mission statement

Many of us go through our days without a sense of purpose. We have no idea what we value or what we stand for. We have no idea what we’re really doing with our lives, or why.

Nothing feels exciting when nothing is fueled by passion or intention.

In order to feel alive, we need to be connected to what matters to us most individually. I’m not talking about a specific career direction, though that could be a part of it. I’m talking about creating a blueprint for how you want to show up in the world so you can be the person you want to be and make decisions that feel right for you.

For example, my current mission statement is:

To live with wonder, courage, compassion, and integrity, prioritizing family, freedom, adventure, and creative expression.

Knowing what I value, I’m better able to decide which opportunities to pursue and accept and which ones to politely decline.

This doesn’t have to be set in stone. Mission statements change over time as we grow and evolve. So write, revisit, and revise, as often you deem necessary.

2. Art

This is the low-hanging fruit for this list. Yes, art is something you can create! Big shocker! But it clearly has a place here nonetheless.

Especially if you’re tempted to consume to avoid your feelings, why not channel them into a creative project instead? Creativity is not only calming and healing, it’s a journey back to the simplistic joy of childhood—when you had countless Lego castles, doodle-filled pages, and chalk street art masterpieces to show for your time. And the possibilities are endless.

You could color, sketch, paint, sculpt, sew, crochet, knit, make jewelry, build something, or write a poem, short story, or song. You could art journal, scrapbook, create a magazine collage, try origami, or make something with unconventional materials (duct tape, wine corks, doll parts from your childhood).

If you tune into your feelings and curiosity, you’ll find endless inspiration, and if you look around, you’ll find endless materials to use and recycle.

It’s worth noting that quite frequently, consumption fuels creation. I can’t tell you how many scripts I read and films I watched when preparing to write my first screenplay. Every movie helped me learn and sparked ideas for my own story and its execution.

Though it’s also wonderful to enjoy art for the sake of it, there’s something thrilling about consuming with a purpose. Not just to be entertained but also to be inspired—so you can create something personally meaningful to you that will hopefully move and inspire other people to live and a love a little louder.

Little feels more exciting than chiseling a piece of your heart into something beautiful that will endure, while simultaneously motivating other people wake up and live more fully.

3. A medium for self-expression

We live in an exciting time for self-expression. No longer do gatekeepers get to decide whose words deserve a platform. Anyone can start a blog, vlog, or podcast to share their thoughts and views with the world.

The beautiful thing is, it’s not too hard to get started. You don’t need a fancy site or special equipment to get going—though those things are nice to have, and they’re things you could always acquire in time, if you like the medium you choose and decide to see how far you can take it.

With a little googling you can easily find a way to get set up today, for free, so you can move out from the shadows and share what’s in your heart and on your mind.

Not only will you give yourself an opportunity to express your feelings and feel truly seen, you’ll likely also help other people through your honesty and vulnerability. Yes, you.

If you think your voice doesn’t matter, consider this: a blog can reach only one person, and yet be the one thing that saved or changed that person’s life. You never know who you’ll help or inspire by finding the courage to speak up.

4. Memories

At the end of it all, when we look back on our lives, we won’t take a mental inventory of the dollars we earned, followers we gained, or items we checked off our to-do list. What we’ll see is a mélange of moments—times when we loved, connected, got outside our comfort zone, and engaged with world with wonder and enthusiasm.

These moments generally don’t just fall into our laps. We have to actively create them. And sometimes that means stepping outside the realm of our routine and actually doing the type of things we daydream about.

There’s a scene in the movie Stepmom (spoiler alert!) where Susan Sarandon’s character, Jackie, knows her cancer is getting worse and her time with her family is limited. So she does something out of character and beautifully touching: She wakes her daughter Anna in the middle of the night and takes her horseback riding, in the snow.

Anna says she’ll never forget this moment, and how could she? She’s nestled close to her dying mother, on a horse, in nature—when the night’s at its most peaceful and she’s usually asleep and unable to see it. Together they feel completely present and alive in this magical moment of connection and awe.

We can all create these kinds of moments. We can create magic for ourselves, someone else, or both, if we’re willing to prioritize it and put in the effort.

5. Possibilities

I suspect a lot of us feel pretty discontent with our lives. Perhaps Thoreau conveyed it best when he wrote “The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.”

Most of merely survive and think of thriving as a luxury unavailable to the majority. I’m not going to lie; it’s easier for some to thrive than others. Some of us are born into more ideal circumstances, and some get more advantages.

But perhaps the problem isn’t just that not everyone gets the same chances, but also that not everyone takes the same chances.

If we settle into a pit of discontentment and do the same things every day, nothing will ever change.

The only way to make our lives any better is find and seize opportunities instead of waiting for them to come to us.

Make the call. Send the email. Sign up for the course. If you can’t afford it, research scholarships or free or cheap alternatives. Do something to create a new possibility for your life, whether it pertains to your work, your hobbies, or your relationships.

Then the next purchase you make might be something you need for this exciting new path, not something you want because you’re miserably unhappy with the status quo of your unfulfilling life.

6. New connections

We live in an increasingly disconnected world. We spend more time holding devices than hands and look into more screens than eyes, as the Dulce Ruby quote suggests. This is such a lonely way to live. But it doesn’t have to be like this. Not if we prioritize forming and maintaining relationships.

Of course this isn’t easy. It can be challenging to pull ourselves away from our usual indulgences, get outside our little bubble of comfort, and get present in the world beyond our own door. But it’s oh so worth it.

One day last year I was a feeling a little down about my limited social circle where I live near LA. I’ve moved a lot, I travel a lot, and I work from home; and I haven’t done a great job prioritizing relationships where I live.

I was scrolling through my Facebook feed on this afternoon, trying to distract myself from the sadness in my heart, when I decided to do something different: I navigated to a group for Highly Sensitive People, that contributor Bryn Bamber had actually recommended in a post about sensitivity, and I introduced myself, asking if there was anyone near LA.

Several people responded, including one who’s become a great friend—someone I can relate to on a deep personal level. Someone who gets me, who I get back. And not only did I make a new soul connection, I also opened myself up to new possibilities: because of her, I began volunteering at a nearby community theater, where I hope to volunteer again in the future.

It can feel awkward to initiate conversation with someone new. Or at least it feels that way for me. But as Frank told Don in The Green Book, “The world is full of lonely people afraid to make the first movie.” Make the first move. You just might change two lives.

—

In the words of Ferris Bueller, life goes by pretty quickly. Friendships evolve or fade, jobs run their course, kids grow up—and before you know it, we’re looking back at our years, either feeling proud of everything we created or wondering how and why we squandered our time.

I don’t know about you, but I want to prioritize the things that truly matter to me and fill my hours with purposeful actions that fill my heart with peace, passion, and excitement.

I want to make beautiful things, share empowering ideas, and collect more moments of awe than there are grains of sand on the beach.

I also want balance.

I want abundant movie marathons, occasional retail therapy sessions, and Sunday morning mimosas.

I want trashy magazines in the tub, an endless rotation of used true crime books, and a full Netflix queue that seems to scream, “I know what you like, Lori, I get you.”

But I want to consume those things intentionally. Not to avoid or escape anything, but just because they’re fun.

I think that’s a reasonable goal for all of us. To be a little more intentional, a lot more engaged, and in the end, far more excited about the lives we’re living.

About Lori Deschene

Lori Deschene is the founder of Tiny Buddha. She’s also the author of Tiny Buddha’s Gratitude Journal and other books and co-founder of Recreate Your Life Story, an online course that helps you let go of the past and redefine yourself. An avid film lover, she recently finished writing her first feature screenplay and would appreciate advice from anyone in the industry to help get this made. You can reach her at email (at) tinybuddha.com.

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from Tiny Buddha https://tinybuddha.com/blog/create-more-consume-less-feel-more-excited-about-life/

[mycraftylittlestitches]

Wow, this is awkward and boy, oh boy am I crap?! I mean seriously. It’s been another month that has made me wonder if the God’s are after driving me down into the path of insanity. Thankfully my health is on the mend but now comes the mammoth task of catching up with all my jobs. I’ve sent a car full of bags and boxes of unneeded bits and bobs to the charity shop, I’ve done the little fiddly jobs that somehow I never have time for in-between going to my day job and taking care of the girls.

I’ve spent as much time as possible playing and cuddling my girls and attempted to at least squeeze in one blog post a week. I had so many ambitious ideas but perhaps I should tone them down for now. Family first, followed by life in general then my blog. In that order. I am however hopeful that now I am almost back on track with my priorities, I can start REALLY sinking my teeth into my fun little hobby.

  Toddle was ‘helping’ me write a review…. Review FINALLY nealy done. just proof read and post! Next few days…

Now for the embarrassing bit of looking at last month’s aims. Spoiler alert: not much got done! Oh well, sometimes you can only do what you can do… Or in my case, what my body will allow me to do.

  Blog: Write at least two blog posts a week, ideally three. One recipe and maybe two miscellaneous; that will probably be parenting/ crafting/ review related. I have at the very least managed some recipes. Wooo! I’m not entirely sure if it counts if I was cooking anyway but at least some content popped up on my site and made it seem like perhaps I had some kind of plan of action. Some other posts happened and I have six almost ready to go posts but sadly life always takes priority so they haven’t yet made the final cut.

Finish at least two more crochet tutorials, including video. I won’t be posting them up until I have at least ten ready, then it will be a weekly event, posted on a Sunday for your viewing pleasure. Ready yourself for the broad Northern English accent. Nope. Sorry. Not even finished one but have scripted it so that kind of counts right? Right? Set up my YouTube account and make it look both pretty and functional. Only one video on there so far… Sigh….. Not even uploaded my logo on to it yet…

One crochet pattern typed up and posted with photos. I have an idea for a lacy scarf. We shall see if it pans out the way that I hope it will. Halfway there with this one but sadly I have managed to lose my 5mm crochet hook but when my new one arrives I can complete this project and delight a toddler with a new hat and matching scarf set.

Hit 300 followers on my Facebook page. Close but no cigar. I’m not great on Facebook but if you want to assist me on my way to the noble goal of 300 followers then here is the link. Thank you, much appreciated!

Spend at least 10 hours a week creating content and write at least 500 words a day. Barely had time this month to manage 2 hours a week but going to try to make a few more happen soon. Health and kids depending!

Get an honest update and new set of aims ready for the first of October. Sooooo……. We are still in October so it kinda counts right? Right…?

Flowers to brighten my week.

Peek a boo!

Real life Start learning how to draw. I doodled a stick person and a house to try to explain to concept of Santa to a toddler. I’m going to count it as practice and a good step towards my goal of decent scribbles. It’s not delusional if I know I’m kidding myself.

Spend more time playing with the girls. I have accomplished this. This was my primary parenting goal because I always seem to get so caught up with work and getting things done I sometimes don’t slow down enough to show my girls that they are my world. Last month I made sure to spend as much time as possible down on their level, playing with blocks, Duplo, reading, singing and whatever other games took our fancy. It’s been wonderful and I’ve STILL managed to get my house back to rights after a few months of epilepsy madness. Double win.

I know that they were never exactly starved of attention and I always took plenty of time out of my day for them but I feel I have a much better balance now that I am allowing myself to occasionally drop the ball in less important areas of life. Happier girlies and happier mummy. Still, need to work on this a bit more but it takes time to break the habits of a lifetime.

Try and prevent days of low mood. Mostly a success. Lots of cappuccinos in cafés and playtime with the girls. It’s so easy to feel down when your disabilities are acting up but I have tried very hard to boost myself up. Yes, I feel like a failure sometimes and yes, I wish I could do all the things that other people can do but at the end of the day, I am quite lucky. I can walk with the use of a stick or whatever else to lean on. I can manage to mostly take care of myself and the girls. Can’t bathe myself or them without my partner at home because of epilepsy but that’s a small price to pay for their’s and my own’s safety. I have had low days but I am feeling a lot more optimistic in recent weeks. All things considered, I’m doing great!

My girls after an Autumn walk. 50% chance of naps.

Read at least one book a fortnight. Hahahahaha. I’ve read some of ‘Free’ by Fiona Morgan and that was some quite pleasant hours snatched here and there for my own relaxation. I’d forgotten how much I love a good book and three seconds without the human monster trucks climbing all over me. Ahhhh, bliss!

Give up caffeinated coffee. Tea can stay for now. I’m down to 2/6 cups of caffeinated coffee a day and a mug of tea. For me, that’s practically cold turkey. The headaches have been interesting but I have been dealing with epileptic headaches anyway so you know… Might as well do both!

Cut right back on the sugar and eat less junk food. Pizza, I’m looking at you (while drooling). One fake away a month is allowed now. My thighs will thank me later even if my PMS is growling menacingly and threatening death and destruction on all who come near without some kind of sweet or carby offering to tame the beast. Poor Partner…

Find a better work/ blog/ family balance which benefits me, my daughters and my partner. I love them so much! Progress is happening but it’s a tricky one to balance. I’m a bit rubbish at organising myself so this was always going to be a challenge. My girls are getting more attention and are loving it so there’s that, at the very least.

Talk more openly about my emotions. Errrrm, No. Too hard.

Tell myself five things that make me great every morning and another five that make me so very lucky. I have been trying to spin a positive light on most things but I’m quite a negative person so my brain likes adding ‘but’ after each sentence. It’s slowly being trained out of it but I think that this will take plenty of time.. I will keep you all posted on how I get on. Here’s hoping for a fantastic and productive month.

New aims to keep me going until the start of December:

Blog:

Finally, catch up on my workload after the past few months of being ill. I’m getting there slowly but honestly, it’s getting embarrassing!

Sort out all of my social media accounts. Update Facebook and make it look nicer. Get my Instagram up and running and get at least a small following. Ditto on my YouTube and finally reach 10,000 followers on my Twitter.

Have a consistent blog schedule that includes 2-3 posts a week and some social media updates.

Look into going self-hosted so that I have more control over my site design and what I can include.

Have fun!

Life:

Keep calm and happy.

Spend plenty of time with my girls.

Find a good work/ life balance.

Get Xmas sorted!

That’s about it if I’m honest.

Sorry for being away so much this month, thanks for reading and have a fantastic Halloween! If you have enjoyed my post, then please consider following me on: Twitter Instagram and Facebook

October's plans and updates. #Plans #blog #blogging #family #abitlate Wow, this is awkward and boy, oh boy am I crap?! I mean seriously. It's been another month that has made me wonder if the God's are after driving me down into the path of insanity.

[bajancopywritingunicorn-blog]

Top Ten Bajan Christmas Gifts 2017

I know you’ve been sitting on the edge of your seat and I’m sure you’re gonna love the gifts on this year’s list of Bajan products. Sure, you could buy anything that’s imported but there’s something so special about getting a gift that was made right here in Barbados. Let’s get right into it then.

10. Sophisticated Centrepiece - Jalans Creations - One of the most important parts of the Christmas celebration in Barbados and around the world is having Christmas lunch with the family. Perhaps one of the most underestimated but memorable elements of this feast is the centrepiece, so why not give the gift of decor this Christmas? Whether you have a complete tablescape planned or you prefer the minimalist approach, your centrepiece will be a focal point at the dinner table. Before I go any further, you need to know that Bajans are veryyy crtitical. They will have no problem telling people that your table “had look pop down” or “stink”. Five years from now I guarantee they will still be talking about it. That’s why I was so relieved to stumble upon this Blue Bouquet by Lana Nurse, founder of Jalan’s Creations. I kind of wish I could have one in every room. It makes me feel like I was spirited away to a fairytale sprinkled with magic dust. Just gorgeous! If you want one you better hurry though because Lana tells me you have til December 21st to place your order.

9. Vegan Cork Bags - Ole Luck - Guys, cork bags are a thing now and they look so cool. I have to admit, this was the first time I ever heard of Vegan bags. Accessories can be vegan now? I couldn’t help but wonder how they taste. Now before we start chowing down, I want you to rest assured that buying a woman a bag for Christmas is always a good idea. Still, what makes these bags so special are the fact that they’re environmentally responsible. No harmful plastics and for the animal lovers among us, no leather. Don’t ask me how, but a guy by the name of Andy makes all these gorgeous bags by hand. If you’re feeling really patriotic, you can get a wristlet with 246 or the broken trident on it, but I fell in love with the Wayuu purse. The Wayuu are indigenous people living in Colombia and Northwest Venezuela, described as the people of the sun, sand and wind. Wayuu women make a specific type of woven bag with unique vibrant patterns reflected in the sash on these Ole Luck beauties. Fun fact: The Wayuu language, which is called Wayuuniki, is part of the Arawak family.

8. Crocheted Bikini - Chain Loops Crochet - My gawd! What can I say about this talented diva? Owner Jessica Martindale creates customized fashion and soft home furnishings, while crocheting her way into your heart. Now the first time I saw her crocheted bikinis I knew I had to have one of her pieces. I ordered two. Forget your grandmother’s doilies. Jessica designs one-of-a-kind crocheted jumpers, skirts, dresses, chic baby blankets, earrings and even slippers. Yes, you heard me. She crochets frikkin slippers. But back to this sexy bikini tho. I’m not even telling you to buy this for someone else. This thing will make your life ten times sexier. You worked hard all year so you best believe you deserve it. Yasss!

7. Gold glitter Barbados Throw Pillow - ChicFit Inc - This cute little cushion stopped me right in my tracks. This ain't no run-of-the-mill throw pillow. You can decorate any space with it, no matter the colour scheme. Classy level 1000! Listen to me. ChicFit is not messing around. They put a dang Barbados map on a black pillow and glitterized it in gold. What the what?! This throw cushion will change your life so you're welcome. Just gaze upon its glory. Also, can I just say how much I love ChicFit's logo? It speaks to me. It says “I love yoga times infinity”... or someting* so.

6. Deck The Halls - Classy Raggs Interiors - You have no idea what this means but you will. The brainchild of Ana Gill, Classy Raggs will leave you in stitches. If you’ve ever imagined what a home makeover should look like, then Ana should have her own TV show. Her work is phenomenal. She creates bespoke furniture, soft furnishings, you name it, she can bring your dream to life. Just look at what she did to this yacht! Yachtastic!

5. Smell My Nuts - West Indian Soap Co. - Not to be left out of the game, there’s definitely something for the guys too. As gross as it sounds, this was one of the most hilarious Christmas gifts I’ve stumbled upon thus far. There’s Man Soap, Man Wash and Man Lotion. Your man does not need another tie. Stop it. He wants you to get creative and think outside the box. Get him a gift that’s both playful and practical. Go ahead!  Smell deez nuts... coconuts, that is ;)

4. A Pinterest Box - HomeMade Luxe - If you’re heavily into DIY and crafting or you’re all thumbs like me and need detailed instructions to make anything, then this is the gift for you or someone you know. Former Barbados athlete Keitha Moseley-Dendy, The Bajan Texan, as she calls herself, started this business from a simple idea to bring Pinterest into real life. Stop pinning and start crafting, folks. Take all those cute projects you love online and decorate every room in your house with them. Brilliant idea! One might wonder where the mother of twin girls could possibly find the time but she spent many nights on her living room floor packing hundreds of boxes to keep her customers happy. That type of sweat equity deserves some kind of award. Now that HomeMade Luxe is finally available in Barbados, don’t lag!* In minutes you can have the sexiest pinned projects in your home. This month’s box is a Starburst Mirror. Who doesn’t love a gift that is both fun and functional? Shoot, you could even get some friends together and throw a Pinning Party.

3. Pillowgrams - Simmone Thorpe started thinking the other day about how wasteful cards are. To be honest, I never really know what to do after I read a card someone has given me. It’s so pretty I can’t bear to throw it away but I can’t really hang it up either so it invariably gets shoved down in a drawer somewhere, only to be found months later. You can’t enjoy the beauty of a greeting card from inside a drawer. Simmone wanted to find a way to make the memory last in a way that’s visible and functional. That’s how the Say it With a Pillowgram message pillow was born. This gift can be cute, funny, inspirational, sentimental, you can even add a photo of you and your loved one to create a wonderful keepsake. Pelt* a few of these customizable throw pillows into the mix to enhance your decor. Ladies, don’t we always try to stop at two and end up buying six?

2. Galaxy Eyeshadow - Fenty Beauty - This one was tough, I put this at the top of my personal Christmas Gift List because Rihanna. Seriously, though, what girl on earth doesn’t want eyeshadow that shines like diamonds and reflects all the colours of the milky way? I want my face to sparkle like the night sky too. Basically giving any gift from the Fenty Beauty line would make any woman in the world scream, from Match Stix to lip gloss to Trophy Wife highlighter. I’m dreaming of a glitter eyeshadow Christmas.

1. But First... Prosecco - West Indian Soap Co. - Start clutching your pearls ladies because this next gift will change your life. You know that moment when you never thought something was even possible and then all of a sudden Jesus and the whole universe answered your silent, unspoken prayers? This is basically what the But First Prosecco line of decadence is all about. Drowning your sorrows takes on a whole new meaning when you can literally bathe in your favourite sparkling wine. Cleopatra bathed in milk so the mere thought of bathing in Prosecco and smelling like it just tickles me pink. I can’t wait to be drenched in Prosecco.

Stay tuned for full features of some of these wonderful Bajan businesses. Big shoutout to the members of Women Making Money Work ladies networking group.

Bonus* 

Bajan Glossary

If you’re not a Bajan here’s a key to the terms you need to know.

Had look pop down/ had look stink: This means that whatever you were talking about looked terrible, not just bad. Basically pop down and stink are interchangeable.

Someting: This means something. Someting so: This means something along those lines.

Don’t lag: This means don’t get caught napping/ don’t delay.

Pelt: This means throw, but forcefully.

[gattinarubia]

1: when you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk? i guess more milk than cereal

2: do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day? yeah usually

3: what random objects do you use to bookmark your books? usually i turn the corner unless it’s a really nice book - and then just like a scrap of paper

4: how do you take your coffee/tea? cream only

5: are you self-conscious of your smile? no

6: do you keep plants? yeah! their names are cheryl and lydia

7: do you name your plants? see above question hahaha

8: what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings? usually writing

9: do you like singing/humming to yourself? yes

10: do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach? side/stomach

11: what's an inner joke you have with your friends? farts (haha jk “inner joke”)

12: what's your favorite planet? i’ve only ever been to the one. but maybe mars because people might go there 

13: what's something that made you smile today? yuri on ice

14: if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like? messy because of me? idk. i’m picturing separate rooms and a nice view

15: go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is! venus has a volcano that’s 4000 mi long

16: what's your favorite pasta dish? mac and cheese. followed by carbonara or bolognese

17: what color do you really want to dye your hair? i’m happy as a blonde, actually

18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up. i traded a cigarette for a handful of koala cookies once

19: do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw/ in it? yeah. it’s mostly for when i’m traveling or stressed out. there’s a lot of calligraphy practice in it, too

20: what's your favorite eye color? on someone else, i’d have to say brown

21: talk about your favorite bag, the one that's been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces. it’s a disgusting shit pile but i still use it because the outside looks okay

22: are you a morning person? yeah, actually

23: what's your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations? sit and work on projects and watch netflix

24: is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets? yeah, i guess. i don’t have terrible secrets so it’s not really an issue

25: what's the weirdest place you've ever broken into? the trip room at camp at night

26: what are the shoes you've had for forever and wear with every single outfit? black boots i guess. or black flats. depending on the time of year

27: what's your favorite bubblegum flavor? juicy fruit or big red

28: sunrise or sunset? it totally depends

29: what's something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing? always texts me to say thank you for letting him come by after he’s already left

30: think of it: have you ever been truly scared? umm yes.

31: what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks. none of them match, and half the time i can’t find a clean pair and just wear dirty ones. my mom loves socks and takes care of hers and struggles to understand me

32: tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends. i have no idea where to start. i rode in an ambulance with a friend in my overalls one time.

33: what's your fave pastry? croissants aux amandes

34: tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it? it was a blanket. i called it blankie, it was white with pastel animal shapes and crocheted edges. i have no idea what happened to it.

35: do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often? omg YES. i’m obsessed with office supplies and pens especially.

36: which band's sound would fit your mood right now? no idea. i’m not good at that stuff.

37: do you like keeping your room messy or clean? i don’t like keeping it messy, but i do anyway

38: tell us about your pet peeves! really dumb grammar errors in scripted content (like double comparatives). also mispronouncing something really badly in one’s native language. i hate being called “little lady” (by anyone) or “sweetie” (by strangers). people who are always shushing people.

39: what color do you wear the most? black i guess. also blue.

40: think of a piece of jewelry you own: what's it's story? does it have any meaning to you? i have a ring on my thumb. i told my grandma that i liked her ring and she gave it to me. i’ve only taken it off twice in 5 years

41: what's the last book you remember really, really loving? ooooh tough question. Maurice. definitely read it. it’s so gay and beautiful

42: do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it! the one downstairs because a cute girl works there

43: who was the last person you gazed at the stars with? no idea. my brother, possibly.

44: when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything? i feel personally victimized by this question. honestly it’s been years.

45: do you trust your instincts a lot? a good bit

46: tell us the worst pun you can think of. no.

47: what food do you think should be banned from the universe? none of them? idk, people need food. kale is pretty gross and useless. i’d have to go with whale meat, tiger meat, and elephant meat. don’t eat endangered animals, friends.

48: what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today? i think it was rejection and abandonment, much like now.

49: do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought? no, i haven’t bought a CD since 2010, and buying records is pretentious unless you’re oldish and have a nostalgic reason to buy them.

50: what's an odd thing you collect? my birds’ feathers

51: think of a person. what song do you associate with them? ... i don’t really work like that.

52: what are your favorite memes of the year so far? anything shitting on trump

53: have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? heathers? beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them? all of them. i enjoy them usually.

54: who's the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face? myself in the mirror lol -- no but seriously my mom talking about her mom’s alzheimers....

55: what's the most dramatic thing you've ever done to prove a point? probably had sex with someone. slapped someone. ate a cricket.

56: what are some things you find endearing in people? shyness, mothering tendencies, accents, unironic enthusiasm, touchy-ness, a funny laugh, self-deprecating humor

57: go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics? i’m not going to do that. but i love that song, and i would have dramatically reenacted the lyrics

58: who's the wine mom and who's the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why? i’m worried that i’m both.

59: what's your favorite myth? The Devi Shakti

60: do you like poetry? what are some of your faves? yes. i love arthur rimbaud, oscar wilde, lady ise, and shakespeare (who wouldn’t like shakespeare?)

61: what's the stupidest gift you've ever given? the stupidest one you've ever received? gave someone a rock once. i got one of those crinkle shirts one time

62: do you drink juice in the morning? which kind? not usually. but if i do, orange juice

63: are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be? i leave them be

64: what color is the sky where you are right now? dark brown. nightime in the city

65: is there anyone you haven't seen in a long time who you'd love to hang out with? plenty

66: what would your ideal flower crown look like? i guess something with greenery and bleeding hearts on it

67: how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel? delightful

68: what's winter like where you live? cold and snowy (but more slushy the last couple of years)

69: what are your favorite board games? i prefer card games. but i like guess who and reversi

70: have you ever used a ouija board? yeah

71: what's your favorite kind of tea? chai

72: are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you'll forget it? not necessarily

73: what are some of your worst habits? biting my nails, being late, interrupting my brother when he’s talking

74: describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns. friendly smile, worrywart, dumb jokes, caring, gregarious, anxious

75: tell us about your pets! i have two birds, a fish, and a tarantula. my birds are my beautiful angels.

76: is there anything you should be doing right now but aren't? always. but it’s nighttime so nothing major.

77: pink or yellow lemonade? no preference. they taste the same.

78: are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub? i’m in the i-don’t-care club

79: what's one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you? a boy i used to nanny drew me a picture to make me feel better about my bird dying - he drew about her being alive and flying around.

80: what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why? grey. no. i live in an apartment. i could paint the walls but i don’t really care.

81: describe one of your friend's eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of. no, this isn’t creative writing class.

82: are/were you good in school? yeah, pretty good.

83: what's some of your favorite album art? i haven’t bought an album since 2010

84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones? yes. triskelion, and camp symbol. i just haven’t decided where i want them.

85: do you read comics? what are your faves? yeah! archie and buffy

86: do you like concept albums? which ones? no?

87: what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives? jeez idk. some documentaries probably. 

88: are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy? romanticism for some reason

89: are you close to your parents? yeah, i’d say so.

90: talk about your one of you favorite cities. awkwardly worded but sure. Chicago is delightful because the people are nice, the views are pretty, and we have all the best comedians.

91: where do you plan on traveling this year? mexico.

92: are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch? drown it. make it 90% cheese.

93: what's the hairstyle you wear the most? down.

94: who was the last person you know to have a birthday? some facebook friends

95: what are your plans for this weekend? it just ended. no idea about next weekend. i might decide to drop acid.

96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot? procrastinate for weeks.

97: myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house? i’ve never been consistent on myer briggs, gemini, ravenpuff

98: when's the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it? it’s been a while. but i love it.

99: list some songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them. Bees by Laura Cantrell, Over the Sea by Bec Sandridge, More than Life by Whitley, Cooke by Modern Baseball - a bunch of others

100: if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why? past. i’d make different choices.

[warmedandfed-blog]

2017 Solstice, 5th Annual

Something about this time of year makes me want to blog. 

I’m sure there are lots of reasons for that. For one, I’m more active in making “durable goods” in this time of year when the weather is ticking colder and my knitting corner is so warm and cozy (not a desirable trait in July in Oklahoma). And I do tend to read more chatty blogs in this time of year - it makes me feel like my opinion could also be chatty and accessible. 

So, how good for me that the time-consuming part of setting up this corner is already done for me, by past-me. Hooray for past-me doing good enough work that current-me is willing to associate with it!

This year, the Solstice falls on the day before I’m scheduled to have off from work for Winter Break. Adding one extra day, a Thursday, at the beginning of that 11-day block won’t inconvenience anyone at all.

I’m starting to build my plan for the Solstice - and have been since the first cold night of this season.

Edits as the plan takes shape.

Chapter 1: Project Wish List

First things first, the backlog and WIP list:

Garterlac Jacket for me. Right now, it’s planned to be sleeveless.

Fingerless wristlet thingies for Lori, since I didn’t follow through last year. 

Finish Sabine’s greige silk stockings!!!

As the mood takes me:

Crochet-along for Belgutai’s Panzer slippers.

Intarsia Gloves with Roosimine

Chapter 2: Reminders: Finnecanalia and Historical Context

Finnacanalia - Commemoration of Finnacan’s birthday, starting at sunset on the 23rd, and featuring bacon and warm stimulant beverages - coffee and tea. 

And Rhiannon mentioned that historical tradition should include a killing of all the fires, and starting a new one in the central hearth at sunrise on the morning-of.

This year, I am making slow progress into stocking up on wines. The current open bottle is “Fat Bastard” - with a cute hippo weighing down the label at one corner. 

Chapter 3: This Year’s Headspace

Oh man, this year is complicated. 

In my personal metrics, 2017 has been respectable and even kind to me. I’ve been able to make plans and see them thrive. I’ve gotten clear of a major stress-generator in my life, and I’ve managed that disentanglement without generating undue stress for someone else (so far, at least). But also in personal metrics, many of my friends have suffered grief, heartache, terror, and trepidation in this year. Hence, complicated.

The buzzword for 2017 is that this is NOT normal. Yeah, no, there’s not a lot of “normal” in the timing of Mercedes, and then Talana’s passing. Or in the way the US elections worked at the end of 2016. Or the legislative changes since then. 

But some things carry on - this is my fifth year maintaining a Solstice blog. And we’ll all float on - hopefully.

Chapter 4: Recap of the Old, to Herald the New

First, 2013: This year was almost an accidental celebration. DH was out of the house for the night, and I basically lost track of time while warm and aggressively snuggled by the cat - and then I decided to make it strategic with popcorn and tea, and thinking happy thoughts toward people I love, while working on Christmas projects with Netflix running the whole time.

Second, 2014: Much more scripted, in that DH was home but had to work in the morning. I set myself a project list of knitting, and kept the background noise going with Netflix. 

Third, 2015: This was not a comfortable year. DH was home, but the cat wanted to stay with me. I was entirely cagey, and couldn’t accommodate her _or_ me. Did more blogging and agitated house work than peaceful anticipation of the holiday. I straight-up skipped Christmas celebrations later this year, because my tolerances were redlining. 

Fourth, 2016: Back to being chirpy. I like this version of me, where I’m emotionally durable and happy and looking toward building systems for future efficiency. You may notice parallel structure between last year and this, that wasn’t present before. Only actual-cannibals, or so I remember from my World Music class (in 2003-ish), DON’T “cannibalize” culture and technology from others-past. 

Fifth, 2017: At the beginning of 2017, I promised myself that all would be well if I could survive through October. I did, and it is. Let’s hope this pans out for my friends who are going into this time starting from a more injured place . 

Chapter 5: Aftermath: Soundscapes and Finished Projects

Obvs this is a placeholder. I

Shows and Sounds: 

Actual: 

[The Wire]

[Too Funny to Fail]

[Felicity]

[Will and Grace]

Completed Projects: 

Actual: 

[probably some Monmouths?]

[baking? I’m reading baking blogs that all advocate for prep-ahead cookies to save the strugs on the holiday days]

[dcnativegal]

Maybe I am an artist

Zora Neale Hurston once said, “I love myself when I am laughing, and again when I’m looking mean and impressive.”   I could safely say, “I love myself when I am playing with yarn, and again when I’ve finished a project and taken a picture of it to post on Facebook.”

Moving to the Oregon Outback, and Valerie’s adorable loft house, has loosed whatever constraints I’d had in DC on yarn binging. Or am I stocking up for my new career as a fiber artist?   Perhaps my yarn buying behavior is yet another one of my compulsions. The Cambridge English Dictionary defines compulsion as a very strong feeling of wanting to do something repeatedly that is difficult to control. So why control it? I see an ad for yarn, I get an email from Webs.com, I get a notification that someone has posted “a yarn for sale” picture in Yarn Hoarders Anonymous on Facebook. If its bulky yarn, or very reasonably priced… I’ve hit up paypal before I know it. Or I do know it and I do it anyway.

But is it a bad thing? Why must I pathologize my yarn buying? I love my yarn. It gives me great joy to order it, anticipate it coming, then open the package (that Paisley’s patient and kind postmistress has hauled to her counter). I deeply enjoy planning what I’ll make with it. Occasionally I’ll open it and go, bleh, not what I had hoped for, but that stuff will find a place and a purpose, too. Yarnbombing with many strands of yarn at once will reduce my supply…

I dream of projects. When I want to stop obsessing about a client, or about my most recent blood sugar, or whatever really stupid thing I said that day (Open mouth, Insert foot), then I plan a project as I drift off to sleep. Something in purple, the color I have the most of. What kind of baby blanket will I make for the Holy Brother’s daughter’s love child? What kind of stitch will best cover the irrigation half wheel that Valerie salvaged? I plan to make a half sun full of oranges, yellows, and white, with a little purple and green thrown in. It will be 3 feet in diameter, and hung from the fence. It will be my second outdoor decoration, after the July 4th crocheted flag I tacked to a folding rectangular trellis and hung on the side of the house.

Why should we all use our creative power?  Because there is nothing that makes people so generous, joyful, lively, bold and compassionate, so indifferent to fighting and the accumulation of objects and money.                                        Brenda Ueland

 Perhaps I am subconsciously planning for my next career, although I learning and growing in my current one. This ‘behavioral therapist’ business is hard work. Lake County is the redheaded stepchild of Klamath County, which is supposed to share resources with its sister county to the east. It’s also the mostly ignored second cousin of Deschutes County which is just to the north and full of resources, people, stores… it’s where most north Lake County residents go for banking, pharmacy and grocery shopping. Anyway, the impoverishment of Lake County is only one of the reasons this old social worker finds the work challenging. I think most therapists struggle with at least some cases. The multiple early traumas that my clients had to cope with, on top of the challenges of modern life and the dearth of jobs and housing, combine to lay waste the most resilient psyche. Not to mention the recidivism of “substance use disorder”, the newest official term for what was once called addiction.  I do get a surge of joy when one of the clients graduates from their 12 weeks of sobriety and I can report to the probation officer that they are CLEAN.  They were clean before I knew them, however; I take no credit.

Treat people as if they were what they ought to be, and you help them to become what they are capable of being.    

Goethe

 I have no business plan for my next career as a fiber artist. I had an Etsy store once, and spent a lot of money on photography equipment (a huge white sheet and nice lights with umbrellas attached) to take pictures of my accomplishments. Didn’t really work. Maybe I didn’t promote it? I thought my prices were reasonable. I sold more by just mentioning something on facebook than I ever did on Etsy.  

I don’t really care, although I suppose I should, whether I make money from my creations. It would be nice to recoup some of the expense of the yarn, which is really pricey, even when I buy from other yarn hoarders. (Maybe I should have sheep in the side yard, sheer them, prepare their wool, spin it, dye it… yeah? No.)  I enjoy seeing my work wrapped around a friend’s shoulders in winter. I missed seeing the smile of delight when Valerie’s niece opened up the box and saw two, washable, gorgeous if I do say so myself, baby blankets at her twin baby debut. That delight is my payment. I did get a nice thank you note.

What I really love is making the stuff. I love selecting the yarns, picking the hook or needle size, and going at it. I don’t follow patterns, although I do learn stitches from youtube. I make shit up. I know how to fit a hat, and even fit a sweater, without a pattern, although mostly I make scarves and afghans. People don’t wear nice handmade sweaters anymore. They are too hot indoors, and too much of a pain to take on and off. Hats and scarves make more sense, and in winter, a beautiful lap blanket totally helps when the fire is beginning to go out. I think so anyway. My family members, and Valerie’s, get knit stuff for Christmas and so far, no one has taken me aside and said, Jane, “We have enough hats to last the rest of our lives… maybe a gift card??”  I think they are too polite to tell me; I just hope they’ve passed the hat along to another cold noggin.

When I ask myself, what do I have to do each day? One answer is I must crochet or knit. My hands itch to be making something, to follow a rhythm with a piece of wood and soft fur of sheep, rabbit, llama. Or the product of silk worm and bamboo. I’ve discovered to my delight a substance called Upscale Acrylic.  I sit having a conversation with anyone, and if I am not also crocheting, a part of my brain is aching. I have two projects I’m knitting[jl1]  at work which I labor to finish during staff meetings, which are an odd affair, taking place over a large screen where most of the staff is sitting around a table 2 hours’ drive away and three of us in Christmas Valley are straining to hear. It is an exercise in frustration, but perhaps it is  practice for when I’m hard of hearing and I miss most of the content and a whole lot of nonverbal verbal cues. I’ll be knitting then, too.

I have projects that are perfect for church, or for a movie, since I can knit in the round without looking.  I get a lot done, especially during the sermon, or the previews, when I’m just not really engaged. If you are preaching, just know that you knocked it out of the park if I stopped knitting.

In a college seminar, we sat in a circle and talked and listened. I knit and talked and listened. One day, everyone turned to me and I asked why everyone was looking at me? One of the students said, because you put your knitting down. I always put it down when I had something to say. Ah.

My biggest projects are in the house, in large piles or baskets or boxes, and they require a lot of lap, and a cooperative cat. I’m working on a rug that will be something like 6 by 4 feet. I also have a number of lap blankets that are in process. I have two small purses half finished: purses the size of smart phones sold really well at the Paisley Bazaar last November. Sometimes I stare at my yarn and I get a flash of inspiration and I just up and start something entirely new. So what if I have 12 projects in various stages of completion. I finish my projects. Then I put them in a plastic trunk for gift/bazaar/me for later. And keep going. Yarn is joy.

It is also taking over the guest bedroom and the living room. You can’t see the surface of my desk for the piles of yarn. It’s rather like kudzu in the Southern states, hanging over everything and creeping around. Rather like a fungus. Rather like the clutter in a teenage boy’s room, there is a debris tide.  I neaten and organize, and more yarn comes into the mix.

I think this is where the compulsion comes in. I do not need more yarn. I have a ‘stash beyond life expectancy.’ But new yarn, new colors and textures, they call to me.

Like wine calls to the alcoholic. Like meth calls to the meth user. Like chocolate calls to me. Like Blue Bunny chocolate covered ice cream bars call to me all the way from the Summer Lake gas station store. The one that says ‘Ice! You need Ice!’ on its big sign.  The owner is the cranky pumper of gas who hales me when he sees me: So! What treason have you committed lately, you pinko?  (Pinkos of the world, unite.)

I can’t afford the yarn, any more yarn ever, until I am out of debt. I asked Valerie if she minded the slow creep of yarn, and she said she will mind it come winter when she’s living in the house most of the time. With her peripatetic work schedule, she gets to stay a bunch of different places, none of which are as cluttered as our Paisley home. Cluttered with yarn.

Okay so I should stop buying yarn.

I was always a spendthrift, but my then-husband’s monthly explosion in response to the credit card bill was a bit of a deterrent. When we divorced, I blew through some serious money that came out of my retirement, and oh, I bought a house. Which I then had to sell toot suite when I took a severance package to get out of a very well paying but crazy-making workplace. (In 4 years, I lived through 3 bosses and 3 reorganizations. By the buyout, I was working so far away from my skill set that I would sit in my office and cry.)

Living in small spaces or other people’s spaces after the divorce kept a slight lid on my yarn obsession. And now in the lovely loft house, when I’ve down sized my furniture to the amount I could move cross country, I have lots of room.  Oops. Yarn explosion. The generous tax refund this spring did not help.

What’s this about being an artist?  Delusions of grandeur, probably.

Once upon a time, I took an environmental sculpture class at Oberlin. By my junior year, as a religion major and women’s studies minor I was writing a bazillion papers every semester. I wished to escape another paper and branched out to take folk dancing, print making and drawing, and even horseback riding, which, for this city kid, was really fun.  A friend of mine, Monica, talked me into this class on Environmental Sculpture.

Our assignment was to plan a sculpture, and take care of all of the steps necessary to get permission to make it and install it. Finally, you build it. I wandered around the Oberlin neighborhood we lived in and found several shells of houses that had burned down. One shell had all four corners intact, and everything else was a stinky mass of melted plastic and trash. I had my site. I don’t recall getting permission from anyone to build a sculpture there.  So it was a squatter site. I do remember finding an old wooden fireplace mantel, a bunch of wooden chair legs, some pallets. Pretty soon, I had the outline of a little hut. About 8 feet by 8 feet. I looked up Shinto Shrines, and back then there was no google. A shrine could be a home to a spirit who lived in that place. A living thing was needed, and a philodendron did the job. My classmates helped me raise the roof, which was a wooden shed structure just perfect for the top. I had my sculpture and I loved it very much. I still have the photos taken by another Obie, Bernice. Looking at them, I recall what a magical process this was.

To this day, I collect found objects and plan to make more sculptures. I might just be able to do that in Paisley. I have the space, and live in a town with a complete lack of judgment for saving odd things that look like junk. (Have you seen our side yard???) (Have you seen our neighbor to the immediate south???)

Why can’t I be an artist?

Why can’t art flow out of me and be manifested in some form, and then be shown to the public?

What is art? I have a broad definition. Anything made from my hands that is not food, is art. It does not have to be a job, but instead, a way of being in the world. A way of seeing something that does not exist yet and bringing it into this reality, rather like the sculptor who sees a large block of stone and envisions a human figure hidden inside. Chip away the stone and the human emerges. ­­I see a physical space, or a blank fence wall, and I envision something there. Mobiles made of found objects, including cow bones, are taking up residence in my imagination. The afore-mentioned setting sun, made of half of an irrigation wheel and a whole lot of yarn. There are a lot of weathered pieces of wood, including twisting branches, that I’d love to build into something…

Creativity is seeing something that doesn’t exist already. You need to find out how you can bring it into being and that way be a playmate with God.                                    Michele Shea

 As I settle into life in Lake County, I anticipated I’d have more free time to do things like volunteer, and make art. I’m beginning to make some art, as my fourth of July American flag takes its place on the side of the house. It has many other colors besides red white and blue, which I’d hoped would make a point about multi-cultural diversity, but they are too subtle. You have to go right up to the thing to see the greens, golds and purples. That’s okay. It was a first effort. It is a reassuringly familiar American Flag for the conservative county I live in. It was Valerie’s idea. She said, you know what the cowboys would love? A crocheted American flag. And so it is.

The sun will be multi-colored.

The outside of the house will begin to look like the inside: colorful and full of art.

I am an artist.

I recently stayed in a house that had a small wooden sign in it that said: I can be anything, but I can’t do everything.

I will be an artist. And a therapist. I will be a volunteer in small ways, like when I go to Lakeview or Bend, I can tell my neighbors that I’m there, so I can pick up a prescription or a rotisserie chicken, or hair dye. I will try to treat my pancreas better, and maybe ride my tricycle around town.

I will try to buy less yarn. Hmf. I call bullshit. Yoda said, there is no try, there is only do. So, I guess that means, I will stop buying yarn. Until… the kudzu has been trimmed and the native plants can breathe. Um, or maybe until we can walk through the living room without tripping over a bag or basket of yarn. That’s a fair goal. The more specific the goal, the easier to reach, right?

All the arts we practice are apprenticeship.  The big art is our life.   M.C.Richards

    [jl1]