#i think the thing thats pissing me off too is that if i were in her shoes id be there. idc about getting shot let me at em
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redishsunflowers · 3 days ago
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this is all my personal opinion as a somewhat new arcane enjoyer.
act 3 of arcane really ruined it all for me. one of the things that makes me love shows so much is when they make me just feel so so much. and arcane did this so well, especially in s1. act 1 and 2 of s2 also did this very well, tho not even close to as well as s1 in my opinion.
i felt sad about isha's death, but i don't really care about jinx's. this isn't bc i cared more abt isha than jinx, a million percent no, this is bc it didnt feel liek there was any weight to it. we saw a very small clip of vi sobbing then, boom, she's almost fine???? her humming powder's lullaby isn't enough, i need to see her grieve. jinx literally completely gave up because of isha's death. vi wasn't even close to being in the same position as jinx but that was still her sister. her sister whom she tried so hard to protect and get back and finally got her back. it just didn't feel real. and on top of that, everyone thinks she's not actually dead. i wish they showed the "proof" of that later or something because i needed that grieving period from vi.
i felt so strongly about jayvik and their whole dynamic snd ending this season. in act 2 i felt that the writing for caitvi wasn't as good as it was in s1 and act 1 but then it just pissed me off at the end. i kinda liked the fact that they were in a cell when they had sex lol but i feel like it was weird timing and also could be a weird setting. but what rlly got me was the fact they don't fucking talk. they dont talk it out. one of the bjggest reasons i love jayvik is because of their lines too eachother. theyre so devestating and beautiful and thats what we got with caitvi before act 2. i was hoping they would talk about alllll the problems they were having because they were having a lot but, either they didn't or we just didn't see it. the resolution to jayvik was so satisfying because we got to know all of their closing thoughts and emotions. we didn't get to see cait apologizing or vi talking abt jinx and it just felt so emotionless.
im really sad they got rid of all the political stuff. i feel like the first step to doing that was putting vi in an enforcer outfit but with that i thought theyd explore into it and the trauma around it even more. but they didnt at all. they put more of the oppressed into the oppressors outfits and called it "fighting against a greater evil" i think thats a fine thing to happen but not if you throw away the whole conversation about politics you were having beforehand. i felt enger towards the piltover people and council just because they were a part of the oppressive regime. after s1 i felt like they tried to act like those ppl were never in the wrong. they swept it all under the rug.
it really just felt like there wasn't a clear conclusion. what happened to zaun and piltover? the scene of sevika sitting at the table isn't enough (don't get me started on sevika I MISS HER). what happened to the firelights?? everyone says ekko lost everything but like do we know what happened to the tree or to the firelights??? i wanted to see the progress the two cities made and how PILTOVER compensated for their actions.
thats it ig, im rlly trying to be happy abt the ending and to do that i have to think abt jayvik bc theyre the only perfect ending in my eyes and i miss caitvi i miss them
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luck-of-the-drawings · 7 months ago
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"I think this is the most inhuman; and human, that I've ever felt.." MUCH CAN HAPPEN IN A YEAR. IN FIVE YEARS. A DECADE. imagine how much can happen in a century. just ONE (1). How will you grow? what phases do you find? even in 5 years, you will find patterns.
#jrwi fanart#jrwi show#jrwi suckening#jrwi suckening spoilers#jrwi the suckening#arthur bennett#HEY SO THE REALLY FUNNY THING THAT THE CHARACTER DID THAT SEEMED RLY SILLY N GOOFY IN THE MOMENT?#LIKE THE WHIPLASH BETWEEN SERIOUS N SILLY ALMOST PISSED YOU OFF? WHAT IF I FOUND A WAY TO MAKE YOU SAD ABOUT IT#this was meant to be a scribble that would be a bigger part of a bigger page.might leave it on that page.#but still. bc o that i nearly posted it onto my wacky side blog.BUT NAYY I SPENT TOO MUCH TIME N ENERGY N YOU GOTTA SEE IT#ARTHUR BENNETT DRIVES ME CRAZY. I FEEL LIKE ITS ODD FOR HIM TO BE SO TECHNOLOGICALLY OUT OF TOUCH#WHERE HAS HE BEEN. HAS HE BEEN IN WAR? IS THAT WHERE MAGNUS CAME FROM? WHERE WAS HE WHEN HE WAS WITH EDWARDS CREW?#ARTHURRR I HAVE QUESTIONS ARTTHUUURR!! HEY CAN I ALSO ASK; WHAT THE FUCK HAVE YOU BECOME#DO YOU THINK HE HAD ANY IDEA HE WOULD VEER CLOSER AND CLOSER TO THE MONSTER HE DESPISES. ALL BC HE DESERVES IT. OR WATEVER#HE FASCINATES ME SO MUCH. TO LOOK AT THE STONE COLD STOIC FOOL FROM THE START OF THE SHOW#AND TO FIND OUT THAT HE USED TO BE A BAD BOY.. A DELINQUENT... A LIL PRANKSTER.... MY GODDD THATS ADORABLE#I WOULD LOVE TO KNOW MORE.... BUT I DOUBT THE LAST EPISODE IS GONNA ANSWER THOSE QUESTIONS..i love arthur bennett so much....#AS FOR THE ART!! i mostly used the fire alpaca watercolor brush. tbh im not a brush guy. anti aliased default pen tends to be my main game#but LATELY IM SQQQUIRMIN OUT OF AN ARTBLOCK so expirimenting like this is helping#DONT LOOK TOO HARD AT IT!! im still proud tho. colors are fun :3 im also very proud of the backgrounds#I LOVE THE CARTOON THING where the background looks all fancy n painted but the characters are solid colors#what else can i ramble abt. OH YEAH. i looked up the bikes to make sure they were time accurate tehehehe. 1913 to 2012.#almost a century apart!! isnt that neat? ALSO FUUUCK CAN I JUST MAKE A QUICK CONFESSION. DOWN HERE IN MY TAGS.#only the strongest can read my tags anwyay. SO I REALIZED WHY I LOVE ARTHUR SO MUCH. TIME IS A FLAT CIRCLE#while arthur is a Stoic and Cool vampire w a knack for being playful/silly; who alsos been alive fora century thus witnessing HORRORs#THERE HAPPENS TO BE A ROBOT FROM A BAND W A TITANIUM ALLOY SPINAL COLLUMN#WHOS A Stoic and Cool ROBOT w a knack for being playful/silly; who alsos been alive fora century thus witnessing HORRORS#the fuckkkiiinnngggnn The Spine from steam powered giraffe. WHATEVER. i cant escape from my heart. i guess.#i think The Spine and Arthur could be friends. Arthur saw the band perform back when they were the Steam Man Band#EDIT: WOOPS I DIDNT REALIZE THIS WOULD END UP IN THE SPG TAG. HI GUYS DIDNT KNOW U WERE STILL ALIVE SORREE 4 THE CROSS CONTAMINATION
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yuridovewing · 5 months ago
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what i will always, alwaysss hate about the crowfeather discourse is how it got several people, even some people who i thought would know better than to spread such harmful rhetoric, to get up on their soapbox and say with their whole chest "child neglect is not abusive, breezepelt should get the fuck over it"
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lokh · 1 month ago
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every day im reminded that though my parents may have wanted a dog they clearly did not want to take care of a dog
#and i KNEW this which was why i insisted on not getting dogs though they keep trying to gaslight me#into thinking that i agreed on the dogs. i didnt and i wish id railed against it harder#because ill be honest i knew i didnt want to take care of a dog i wasnt in the headspace#but i also knew that if they got the dog that the actual caring duties would be foisted off to me#and the things that They would have to do ie go to the vet nd pay the bills etc theyd complain about and avoid#and thats one thjng. but oh my fucking god. my dad specifically#its like hes trying to get these dogs to die. we have several plants in the backyard#bad for dogs. i point them out. i have pointed them out Several times.#theyre his plants the gardens his thats none of my things. he just goes oh they wont get into them#THEYRE DOGS. but he doesnt want to move his fucking plants#one of the dogs is on medicine but has a habit of not eating his food in the morning#which means if u leave his medicine in hjs bowl the other dog might eat it#one solution is to give him the tablet straight. because hes good about eating it#he doesnt want to because 'thats gross'. Are you five fucking years old#the dog doesnt like the texture of dry food so another solution is to wet it#dad wont do that either because 'hes too spoiled' and 'it takes time' ONE MINUTE?????????#like i have to assume this is some kind of ploy to make me do it instead when i dont wake up that early#because if its not then hes truly just incompetent or doesnt care about the dogs#which brings me back to WHY DID YOU GET THEM IN THE FIRST PLACE.#im sick of having to worry about them when he just does shit like this its wasting my time and its wasting money#but ohhhh we dont want to give the dogs away theyre part of the family 🥺#CLEARLY. because apparently u wanted kids but didnt want to take care of them either!!#im pissed off!!! im tired!!!!!!!!#i need to know im not going batshit here for being pissed off!!!!!#the dogs are getting back to back problems and at least some of it would have been mitigated by oh.#i dont know. the bare minimum?????#at least if the plants had been taken care of i wouldnt have to wonder if theyd just gotten into them#or if its an actual problem like a mass or bite. but no now i dont know#and at this rate were going to waste money going to the vet every fucking week
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lemongogo · 1 month ago
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college … wasted on the youth (me)
#didnt help that 2/4 yrs was covid telezoom but man.. MANNN#forgetting how impossible it is to pursue rhe degree plan u actually want (advising hell) i feel like . theres just#so many diff things i want to learn now Knowing that im more solidified in my interests and who i am and what i would be interested in doing#and like.😭RGAAAAAQH TEARING MYHAIR OUTTT every other week i have a night where im sititng there like damn i couldve been sm1 completely dif#dgmw i still rly enjoy some of the upper div classes i Did take but what if i took x and liked it more or minored in y and it led me to z#bc i do feel rly set in where i am rn which . i DO ! like it but im never gna be in that environment where u have the flexibility to explore#ykwim . i wish i had taken physics and calc srsly . i always thought i hated that shit but i like it. i like it quite a lot actually😟#or more geology .. urrghh.. sprinkle in sme extra art history . no bc thats what actu pissed me off ab school#i rmbr wanting to dual major and they straight up told me no i cant . but then i was like maybe an arts major bio minor when i wanted to do#science illustration but sry we dont offer bio minor . ok bio major arh or studio art minor . no sry not enough open spots we rly only#reserve it for when we have extra openings post admission❤️#and then even late into sophomore year u would still be last in registration so all the cool classes would be closed#and then bc of covid half that shit was cancelled bc they couldnt transfer labs online (rip comparative vertebrate anatomy)#and then by senior yr an additional collection of classes were unavailable bc u dont have the prereqs bc the prereqs were cancelled during#covid and u dont have enough semesters left to actually take it . like it was gen such an awful experience so ik why i couldnt ever do what#i wanted but .😭 AND LIKE the classes i DID enjoy like genomics or molecular genetics were closed by registration and i had to email and beg#for access . thts crazy .literally crazy .#anyways . i think i want 2 start reading textbooks bc i think thats the closest ill get LMAOO#i remember seeing my coworker read a textbook for fun one time and idk why i just didnt understand why bc it seemed so dry but i Get it now#like yeah .. u knew what was up ..#sad too that like . i could theoretically audit a course but i Work..during the day .. so sad . so sad#guys wht if i just said yes to grad school (<the devil talking.dont agree)
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jackietaylorgf · 2 years ago
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i literally wont stand for the dawniefication of callie. the most annoying character in yellowjackets??? multiple people saying they wish she didnt exist and they hate her and she's just in the way and they want her to die. are you insane?? she is a Child living in the shadow of her mom's dead best friend that she never knew because her she froze to death in the wilderness years before callie was born. she is a little girl whose entire world got fucked up because she found out her mom is a murderer and her dad is a (bad) blackmailer and now they've all been backed into trying to cover up a murder. her whole life just got upended against her will. of course shes going to lash out on her parents and break up with her high school boyfriend and lie about staying at a friend's house and go to a bar she's not supposed to be at and date an older man she's not supposed to be seeing. even if it's destructive it's something she can control! the comfortable boring Safe life she thought she had was ripped away from her so yeah she's doing reckless shit without thinking about the consequences bc that's all she Can do.
it's dawn summers being voted the most annoying character on television ever all over again. you people just hate teenage girls when they act like teenage girls.
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ruthlesslistener · 7 months ago
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having a sister at ucla is fucking wild bc im seeing the news on tumblr and then shes out here texting me about how shes double locking her doors bc of zionists and how they have snipers on the roofs for fucking. peacefully protesting against a genocide. Sure theres zionists literally threatning people alongside the proud boys and the hospitals are prepping for student casualties but its the palestinian peace protesters who are the problem amirite
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nenoname · 1 month ago
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while the only redeeming quality of love god really is the stan joke, it does emphasize how bad mabel is at matchmaking and also how much romance sucks actually
#the end to it still feels weird!!! and going 'oh but actually its all ok!!!' in supplementary materials doesn't make it feel any better!!!!#altho hilariously that means the snadger are soulmates all along#....ok 2 there are 2 redeemable things about that ep cos it gave ford that other hilarious mabel drawing in tots#anyway robbie's actual issue is that he was a terrible boyfriend!!! and didn't respect wendy at all!!!!#he let his insecurities get in that way and he constantly felt threatened by a kid!!!! rebounding off someone else fixes none of this!!!!!#also i have soooo much beef with the northwest ep especially cos of the mabel b plot#she and her friends deserve better than this???? romance in this show sucks!!!!!!#like the a plot isnt inherently bad but what it ended up sprouting into annoys me!!!!#(also the mood of 'dipper shouldve just gotten mabel and the girls out and ran lol')#(the ep needing the 4 of them to get attacked otherwise a lot of folks wouldnt give a shit about the ghost)#anyway another reason why bill sucks is cos he ended up undoing preston's face that coward#too bad those eps are necessary just so robbie and paz are on friendlier terms with the pines#(but meanwhile a wendy ep is too much to ask for :////)#also thinking about how mabel's love crazy phase is relatively new....#one day she'll get better taste in ships#i wonder how much the disney censors were shaking at the wompers joke#cos part of them being like 'NOOOOO THATS TWO GUYS' but also like. thats a pig duct taped to a goat.#they were probably pissed at mabel having a pride sweater on tho#roadside attraction was poorly timed and having it be all about being pickup artistry kinda sucks#but its still way better than love god lol at least we have dipper and stan bonding moments and candy got a hero moment#also stan no longer being sensitive about his brand
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circus-k · 16 days ago
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i think i have to kill someone.
#WHAT.WHAT . WHAT. WHAT .#why would you bring something up from so long ago and then blame the (then) five year old . what . WHAT . HUH. weird. weiirrdddd.#so you knew? you knew? and instead of being like wow that's Not Normal you demonise the toddler that's probably...... idk.#kids don't Do That what a weird fucking thing to bring up out of NOWHERE just to immediately brush off#i think i have to kill you. i think i have to actually kill you now.#speechless. flabbergasted. i cant even talk about it its so WEIRD. CRAZY. CRAZY THING TO BRING UP#oh my god. if a child was being Like That i would assume the worst and insist someone look into thing and make sure the kid is SAFE????????#jesus. damn. what thebhhell. HUH. if its about what i think its about. it wasnt their fault? at all?#stuff Like This is complicated but jesus. JEEESSSUUUUUSSSS. dont even bring it up this late#if you KNEW. oh my god. IF YOU KNEW??????????#rant#oh my god. extremely vague do NOT ask About It i cant even. jesus. why would you keep something like that to yourself#or use it as 'gossip' or . whatever the FUCK she was doing???#idc if you have your own shit to work through. GROWN ASS WOMAN. you should've approached it with kindness and understanding? and figure out#if help was needed? its not my life its not my anything but that kid is my friend who i had to take care of instead of you FUCKING ASSHOLE#if i KNEW i wouldve at least tried to help. to understand. i hope you die a slow painful death in an empty room cause you cut everyone off#and then turned around to be WORSE . i'd tell you to killyourself but any possible method would avoid you like the damn plague#WOW. that was a lot my bad. pissed the hell off#you say shit about the kid that I!!! had to basically raise cause you were too busy being a judgmental piece of shit. ugh. grrr.#''wow thats so weird where did they even get the idea for that behaviour'' man idk but wasn't it supposed to be your job???? TO FIGURE IT OU#fuming whatever. whatever. none of this is news to me she's always been insufferable#rant .#vent#WHATEVER.#it was so long ago it just.#no reason to bring it up#but if you knew than you should've tried to do something#but you didn't. cause you're cruel and egotistical#and everyone you know hates you. and if they don't you take advantage of them.#what a woman. thanks for teaching me to go through the world with so much hate
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sepiasys · 18 days ago
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I love trauma! I love being traumatized!
#sepiasys.txt#I love that B has basically just reconfirmed(?) that he has made himself a father figure to me!!#(is tired and annoyed/pissed off)#Things were fine when we went out but then it came time to get stuff to buy from target and yeah that was a trigger ig idfk#fucking awful experience. tempting to never go outside again despite knowing WE DO LIKE OUTSIDE!!#Motherfucker says he's responsible for us; not the first time.#coming to the conclusion that he basically acts like a parent to me felt like it was a completely new realization; but also like I should've#already come to this realization? Completely unfamiliar but logically makes sense enough that I should've already known.#So anyways I DON'T WANT A PARENT I WANT A FRIEND??#Specifically I want someone who is fine with us going in two different directions and meeting back up. He doesn't like when I'm separated :/#Bro got me feeling like a little kid again which was so fucking unpleasant. I felt too tall in the store.#On the walk home in familiar territory was fine ig. I want to punch him. but I've already fucking hurt him enough. whatever.#He told me that my saying this felt similar to back home hurt him. like it was rude/mean. That pissed me off more.#Like yeah I'm not considerate half the time of how others might feel; I dont think about it. BUT DUDE I AM/WAS LITERALLY HAVING AN AWFUL#TIME HERE AND YOU INTERPRET ME EXPRESSING MY PAIN AS BEING RUDE TO YOU!?#Like fuck I get you are the reason I'm here and I'm grateful for it; still rather be here than home; BUT ARE YOU FUCKING FR? ARE YOU KIDDING#Motherfucker saying he just wants to protect me and shit and thats not the first time either but THAT FEELS OVERPROTECTIVE AT A POINT DUDE#I know I'm traumatized and ik you are too but like fuck dude my needs and your needs do not fucking align if thats the case FUCK#I'm so pissed off and yet I can only express it as if lukewarm instead of fuming. Whatever. fuck this shit. fuck everything. 19 pizza rolls.
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enbyblades · 1 year ago
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my official rotb review:
okay
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simptasia · 2 months ago
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being in the DS9 fandom, you'll discover there are so many ways for people to be wrong about julian bashir
#wow i don't like a lot of you#baffled at how a predominantly autistic fanbase can be so contemptful of autistic behaviour#buddies i think you're the ones who are cringe. see i cringe WITH julian not against him#and not even just that#theres the ''julian is stupid about everything that isn't medicine'' thing#fuck you that man is a starfleet officer and he's a genius. i saw him fix a console and i was genuinely surprised because of this shit#''julian is stupid'' ''julian is annoying'' ''julian is insufferable'' ''julian deserves to be bullied'' and so on and so forth#wow. i hate. all of you. and based on the way y'all talk? you guys would hate me too#oh and worst take of all. like on a moral level:#''julians parents were in the right for doing what they did. its natural for a parent to want to have a normal child''#and other such ableist takes. literally i have seen people like that#i saw somebody baffled by that ep being like ''what did julians parents do wrong. they helped him. what is julian upset about''#and holy shit. that is. so fucked up#besides all that. the way the fandom and the show is mean to julian pisses me off#Why Are His Friends So Mean To Him#i have this brain thing where i take criticism of julian bashir as a personal attack. its called autism#sometimes an autistic-coded character in star trek will say something the narrative has deemed as Wrong#and i can tell thats what im being told because i understand media language but im still baffled like ''Whats The Problem''#spock. data. seven. julian. and its like... actually guys its everybody else who is being weird and mean about this#i do find it a little sad knowing that if i existed on DS9 that o'brien and kira wouldn't like me. like damn. i like you guys#anyways i have a lot of the DS9 fandom blocked because they got me at risk of developing a wee chunk of self loathing. and i refuse#i wasnt raised to feel shame how dare you
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perenlop · 1 year ago
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"i just dont understand how a sane person could think of this" in response to a perfectly cute little piece based on a silly little image. i am attacking people with hammers
#shit like that sorta hits close to home i literally got called mentally unwell for similar stuff like having anthro cat ocs#bc ''if you were normal you wouldn't think of that stuff you'd think of normal kid stuff''#its soul sucking. i know thats a lot but its genuinely crushing.#its such an anti art attitude. only ever create things that are comfortable to the masses and fit within every single norm#never think outside of the box. even for silly things like a dog ponyo reference. thats Too Much. kill it. no human could do it.#it reminds me of when my aunt sought out my fanfic . net profile when i was in middle school with my pokemon and wc fics#and she made sure to loudly make fun of it at a party and talk about how it ''made her want to vomit'' bc it was so weird#and i needed to be checked out bc no normal kid would act like me. and that indirectly led to me deleting the entire account#bc i felt like a genuine fucking freak. it made me feel so insecure abt my art it made me so anxious to create#to this day i struggle with posting my writing specifically beyond stray ideas bc im worried itll pick up and people will say im a freak#and basically prove them all right#its a mindset im still trying to break down and its something my moms at least apologized for and im STILL affected by it so deeply#so it pisses me off so bad to see it repeated online even as a joke. especially when its used to harass people.#i feel like i need to tone myself down and make palatable art. but to some people that means the tamest shit ever like no anthro dogs#the only art allowed to exist to these people are those fucking eye doodles you make in math class and even thats a stretch
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unnonexistence · 7 months ago
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idk if there's anything in stories i get more petty about than poorly-written "main character shows up to a new place and meets everyone" character introduction scenes
#personal#they make me SO ANGRY ahglkmsfkl#it isnt just the trope of showing up and meeting everyone either#like it works for me in some things!#i think pacific rim does a really good job with characterization for example#and it's got a sequence of scenes where raleigh arrives and the audience is introduced to the shatterdome & important characters basically#my working theory until i do some more analysis is that stories that do it well leave some mystery#like in pacrim you don't find out mako's whole deal immediately upon meeting her#pentecost doesnt go ''this is mako mori. one of our brightest. her whole family was killed by a kaiju and she wants to be a pilot''#he says she's in charge of the mk 3 restoration program#and she doesn't immediately offer up her backstory because why would she. real people dont do that#the russian pilots dont show up and go ''hello we are russian''. pentecost just tells raleigh briefly who they are#etc. newt & hermann's intro scene is one of my favourite bits of characterization Ever and you don't learn that much about hermann during i#all the info you get is from newt being chatty and ridiculous and mocking hermann and putting his foot in his mouth. i.e. newt being newt#and that's what makes it good!#when chuck and herc are introduced you learn absolutely nothing about chuck. hes just there in the background#he and raleigh look at each other for a second and you kinda go ''who's that guy''#AND THATS ENOUGH TO ESTABLISH HIM AS ''PROBABLY IMPORTANT LATER''#idk idk but so many books do this kind of scene so badly that it pisses me off#so many POPULAR books too. like i either am uniquely annoyed about this or other people are way more willing to overlook it lol#as far as examples go. the house in the cerulean sea and every heart a doorway were the books where i got so annoyed i immediately DNFed#i feel like the long way to a small angry planet does it a little bit but not as bad. i cant remember for sure it's been a while#i did finish that one but i had extremely mixed feelings about it#and now im reading a big ship at the edge of the universe and. once again it is happening#aaaargh
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moonlit-orchid · 6 months ago
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good evening to everyone except a certain few fucking anons
#go fuck yourselves like seriously what the fuck#im so sick of this#this is about the last two anons by the way. i havent gotten any more because i turned off anon asks#if you wanna know why anon asks are off blame those two assholes#seriously that stupid shits been getting to my head#you know why? because every fucking person around here (especially my mum) LOVES to criticise me and accuse me of victimising myself#literally every fucking thing i do is wrong around here down to my hair#all these fucking adults like to bully me about MY hair#fuck you if i want bangs I'll keep the bangs#literally it seems like they're just doing whatever they can to change me into someone else. someone they want#this fucking culture of mine is so shitty i swear to god#like they think that BULLYING you is people being honest with you#and that if someone's nice to you theyre shittalking you behind your back#(honestly considering some of the people i see i wouldn't be surprised)#and im not even doing anything thats WRONG either. im different and not one of these people can tolerate that#yeah my mum sent me a video of a goat with curly hair and implied she thinks my bangs are like that. in a derogatory manner btw#so yeah that's had me pissed and then the fucking anons were also making me pissed#fuck you I'm gonna be as selfish as i want when i post on MY blog#this blog is MINE#I decide what i write and how much i wanna shittalk someone who upset me to get my feelings out. if anyone wants to call me selfish fuck you#and you know what? fuck That Person too. they geniunely messed me up more than they helped me#yes. im still gonna talk about them. im still gonna complain because FUCK YOU I NEED TO GET IT OUT SOMEHOW OKAY#I NEED THIS SHIT OUT OF ME AND IT GETS BACK INTO MY HEAD SO I NEED IT OUTSIDE#and fuck you anons who gave your unwanted opinion. if you cant say anything nice SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTHS#i was taken advantage of and manipulated#and apparently I'm the bad guy for small mistakes like excuse me#and then that person even told a friend of theirs once to attack me (over text) like what#i just cant anymore it needs to be fucking out#and im not sorry for complaining about this because this is my blog and i will complain on here. this blog is for ME. for MY happiness.#and as such i will fucking complain shit and i will fucking post my vents because thats the only way i can send these emotions off for good
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ablednt · 2 years ago
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NPD BPD combo will make you feel like a starving wild circus animal every time you remember other people exist
#ok to rb#vent tw#it's like. we have a member who has NPD proper as cohost now#so our BPD and NPD symptoms have been combined into one worse thing#and it's baby's first Real Narc Crash and Ive been having RSD inflicted panic attacks every day#and I'm getting really fucking exhausted so the point where Im thinking stuff like 'I wish I could kms rn but that'd be too shitty and I#know this shit has to get better eventually because it has before so Im just#trying to relax#and in this case it's not like I have imo a compelling reason like my friends are all paying a proportionate amount of attention to me#to the energy for friends they have to give like I'm not being NEGLECTED#but I am so attention starved it's actually insane#and if it were just that itd be fine but I'm pmsing and Ive been losing sleep#from a mix of medical issues and exotraumatic nightmares#so I'm just. I'm absolutely Fucking Miserable#and its nobodies fault so instead of getting pissed off at someone Im just pissed off at everyone and no one at the same time#I just want to feel special again but its like. even if I DID feel comfortable asking for more attention#1. It wouldn't feel genuine and nothing my friends could easily do would stop it from not feeling genuine#2. I've been cluster B long enough to know that this stuff has to sort itself out naturally#asking for vallidation can be good at the right times but when I'm wanting to rely on it most thats when I need to find something else#but genuinely IDFK anymore man like I'm too tired to do shit I feel like all of my energy this month has been#STOPPING myself from doing stuff so when I try and think about what I actually Want To Do I feel so obstructed and exhausted I feel like#there's nothing fulfilling rn bc my stupid ass brain is like why find joy in anything if everyone hates you and you don't matter#(<- literally no one in my life has even implied this but. that's just how mental illness goes sometimes)#I just need to hang on until this narc crash is over and my friend groups aren't in the middle of like#2 million different things we're all struggling with stopping us from hanging out very much#I do think this happens every winter though#Ironically I love the winter weather and the rain and cold and gray (idk if I have SAD but if I do it's for the summer)#but I never enjoy the season like I want to because it's the most busy time of year so everyone is stressed out and doesn't have much time#to vibe like I want to so I end up just feeling pretty miserable until the slow time of year when people can relax more#It's usually like
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