#i think the significant difference is one is an ending presented to be the happiest and the other is a full life story worth telling

[hel-phoenyx]

You know, I hate more than anything the "everyone has kids even though they can't take care of them" trope.

That said, a broken character before terrified by children growing around the idea of having kids even though they don't know how to raise them, putting in the effort because they feel it's worth it and ending up on an healing journey because they want to be better for the kid... *chef's kiss*

[highoctanegem]

Regan has some stinky goodies for Jade. Jade can probably barely resist, but Regan insists on having her read the card first. The card is another musical card, and though Regan couldn’t find a CRJ one this year, she was told this one was Beyonce. (She does not know Beyonce.) It’s actually the Windows ‘98 startup sound, which Regan thinks is familiar but can’t place it. She thinks actually, she must know Beyonce’s music. The cover of the card has a lot of black cats on it (Halloween themed…. And Microsoft themed) which is the most important thing.

Jade, mo ghrá,

Ever since we met, you have been 30 if you round up, but now you do not need to round. It is your birthday. Because you are someone who likes happiness, I wish you the happiest of days, and I aim to assure the quality of the occasion. It feels significant that we are together today. I’m not good at expressing such sentiments, but I believe I am better at it than a vacuum cleaner would be. Number 1 on The List should be celebrated today, I think, and perhaps we can add a few new numbers. I can think of some. Number 88: we are the best at compromising, because we end up with two outcomes instead of one (see couches). Number 291: With our combined efforts, we can get Emilio to do whatever we want. Number 101: We can go over every tiny new wrinkle together.

But enough of that, yes? It has become a bog in here. I am drenched to the bone. So I will allow most of what is included speak for itself. That is not literal. None of it will speak. Well, the card was supposed to. And the [scribbled out] speak to [scribbled out; she realized she was spoiling the best surprise]. 

I love you, Jade. Let’s go get tacos.

Is leatsa go síoraí i bhfola is i gcnámha,

Regan

PS (Postscript): I made an offer on the Decompe Lane house that we both approved of. It is no storage unit, but it is suitable for couples and cats who require full bedrooms. Partners who are together. Bone partners, especially. Ones who, perhaps, have some kind of an engagement. You know, something they intend to do, meaning they are planning on being present somewhere, doing something (who knows what), at a fixed or even tenuous point in time. So… an appropriate choice?

THE PRESENTS!

Obviously, there’s a stack of nude images that were taken by Mona a while back. Regan is posing (standing) in the studio with a rainbow cemetery backdrop. In some of them, she’s holding several knives. In others, she has a liter of Sprite in her arms, suggestively (suggestively of what??) There are also a few where a stuffed cat prop is somewhere in the photo, and a couple where Regan found a dead mouse in the studio and is actually excited about this. (Thank you Ria for helping me with the bit lmao)

There are two handwritten “tickets” to a Carly Rae Jepson show in Wicked’s Rest tonight. They’re written on Regan’s old prescription pad, like a medication script. Carly Rae Jepson is actually a Carly Rae Jepson impersonator tracked down by Emilio and Teddy, and “coerced” to come here and do a show. Regan inadvertently made the impersonator even more nervous so the show will be good, probably. 

A pair of baby blue drum sticks, in support of Jade’s new drumming hobby.

A nice, leather bound diary that was made locally. Regan left a surprise message on the first page that’s basically one of her own entries, talking about how fortunate she is to have a lady with eyes like festering pools of purge fluid and arms well-muscled and firm enough you might think they’re in rigor. In addition to the flattery she adds that she believes Jade can do anything (though that does not mean she’s always correct). Regan also adds You said you used to keep a diary. While I do not understand (what I write in is, of course, a journal), I am supportive of this endeavor. 

The mysterious second box that is REALLY stinky. It has eight dead, decomposing squirrels in it (8/8 on the Bloodworth Scale), all of which reminded Regan of Jade in different ways. The whiskers on one made it look especially mischievous. The tail on the other – those losing fur now – was as soft as Jade’s hair. If one squirrel kicked off a year-long relationship, maybe these would give them eight more years, right?

Because Jade was so excited about having a garden and the meaning of flowers, Regan bought her the language of flowers book, and an accompanying bundle of aster. The book has a note attached to it: You asked me about the meaning of flowers, so I acquired the book. The flowers I have selected – after careful research in the included text – are asters, related to those pink and white flowers we saw as Baxter. They symbolize love and wisdom, though I posit that all flowers do, especially when they wilt and die. 

A thumb drive with three classic, gay, banshee films on it, so they can finally watch Imagine Me & Sinews, Blue is the Asphyxiation Color, and Brokenspine Hill. These were very difficult to find and Regan probably bribed Siobhan. 

Then, of course, the cake. Which is shaped like a giant taco. Regan harassed a bakery for several days and checked in on their progress multiple times. She is now banned from purchasing another cake there. Jade insisted that she didn’t care about the cake and wanted whatever Regan liked, but minds can change.

[3amandimstillawake]

I'd like to write a sort of love letter to my friends.

It's often so easy to feel like i actually have any weight in anyone's life. but i do. i do, and it shows when one of my friends let me know im the only person she's told her mom about. it shows when she says if her life was a show, I would be one of the favorite characters of the audience. it shows when one of friends say that tiger lilies remind her of me because they look so fierce and bright, just like how I am. it shows when she takes a candid photo of my side profile and flatters the hell out of me saying how pretty and photogenic I am, even tho I've never felt that way, and when she showed me the photo, i believed her, and i saw how i was beautiful in it because it was a photo taken with so much love. it shows when one of my friends say I am made of sunshine. it shows when she says she's blown by admiration for me and says I'm smart, I'm confident, and I'm talented. it shows when she comes back from vacation with gifts for all our friends, and she gets the same white & gold earrings for everyone, but gets a brilliant, glowing navy blue & gold one for me, because she said as soon as she saw those earrings she was reminded of me, that they'd suit no one better than me because they have a color as bold as me. it shows when i spend every class with one of my friends always, always holding hands with her, to the point where some people think its in a romantic way, but I only laugh to myself because of how many people miss the simple and beautiful romance that is present in all friendships. it shows when multiple of my friends would start calling me relentlessly any day I dont go to school because why the hell am i not there? it shows when my friends make a mini vlog for me at school on the day im sick and absent so I can feel what i missed. it shows when any one of my friends randomly text me to tell me something about their lives, to discuss something they are passionate about with me, to ask me for advice or help on anything because they trust me. it shows when they make me feel good about myself, even tho i think i dont deserve to feel so unless i am constantly performing at my best 24/7. it shows when they think of me and include me into important events in their lives even tho they've not known me very long. it shows in so many little ways, and with burdening big feelings of self pity, i happen to so easily forget the accumulation of all these little moments. but they mean so much. even when i feel incredibly out of it, even when i feel lonely and want to be swallowed up by the earth, being around these people reminds me i do belong to a world bigger than the one i created in my head. that i am significant in people's lives, that people love me even though I'm not perfect, and they love me without condition. my heart is so filled with love with these people that i could cry happy tears for once. i love them all in a million little ways, just as they love me in a million more. they want me to be a part of their lives, and many times an important part as well, and as someone who has spent most of her life feeling excluded and detached from everyone, it means a bunch to me. yes, i will still likely feel overcome with a different, strange kind of sadness at almost every turn of my life, but despite that empty feeling, in fact even with the existence of these depressive moments, this goodness exists in the form of all these amazing, beautiful people I've met. and i hope all of them end up living the happiest version of their lives, because it is precisely what they deserve.

Thank you for existing in this time of my life, for giving me rich and lovely experiences that will mark my ending teenage years. you have made many months worth the exhaustion and struggles of living when i get to experience those moments of happiness with you. regardless how often i speak to each of you, regardless of whether or not our paths will keep going in the same direction after we're done with school, I will hold a terrific amount of love in my heart for you.

[bettsfic]

hi, betts! i enjoy scrolling your writing advice tag & have a question for you. i write fanfic primarily about my otp. i'm not bored & have a lot of ideas, but i wonder if you have any advice on keeping things fresh for both a writer as well as readers - consistent characterization is important to me but how do i do that & not write the same story every time? or do i just accept that it's the same story at the core because my characters are who they are regardless of modern au or canon? thanks!!

i'm sorry it took me so long to answer this! my life toppled over and i've been recovering.

i think having one main pairing + a lot of ideas is a great foundation to experiment and take risks with writing because the characters always stay the same. so i'd look at is as an opportunity to play around with structure, style, voice, tone, all the elements that make up fiction. here are some more specific ideas:

if you always write in third person, try writing in first or second person. first/second person fics never get as much traffic, but writing in different voices and observing how your sentence structure. changes, as well as what affordances those voices offer, will give you greater insight into your own style.

if you usually write in present tense, try writing in past. again, note the way your style adapts to that change.

if you usually write in chronological sequence and direct discourse (in scene), try playing around with time, the connection between scenes, flashbacks, and indirect discourse* (summary).

try playing around with your writing process. if you usually write an initial clean draft and then tidy it up to post, try writing a really messy draft and then rewriting it completely. if you do a lot of front-end work like outlining, try writing a fic without planning it at all.

if your otp is live-action (and by that i mean, has actors), try watching the actors' interviews and other work and note how their voice and body language change. try writing those changes into a fic while still staying true to the character of your canon.

try changing a significant detail of a character's backstory that would alter their personality. the goal of that exercise is to figure out how you maintain character voice while changing the character's perceptions and beliefs, or at least putting those beliefs or ideals in doubt. if a character's primary trait is that she's loyal, what can happen to her in her past that would make her question or hurt her natural disposition? that way you're commenting on an aspect of canon or highlighting it by changing it; hopefully your reader will see that you're acknowledging canon and speaking to it rather than writing OOC (although personally i don't think there's anything wrong with writing OOC).

take some time to sit down and write out what your strengths are as a writer and where you'd like to improve. then, write a fic where you focus specifically on one thing you'd like to improve. if you can't write a one-shot to save your life, give yourself a word limit and write a fic where you stick to it. if you're good at dialogue but not exposition, write a fic without dialogue (and by that i mean indirect discourse again; the characters speak but what they say is described as part of the narration).

*direct/indirect discourse is more complicated than that but scene/summary is the most concise way of describing it

the idea is less to make each story different, but to use the sameness of fanfiction as a way to go other directions with your own writing. that way you're adding some variation to your work while also finding ways to improve by working outside your comfort zone.

of course, there's also nothing wrong with remaining in your wheelhouse if that's what makes you happiest. branch out when you're ready. writing is always there for you.

i hope this helps!

[llycaons]

I maintain that wwx’s longing for LP doesn’t rely on jc nearly as much fans seem to think it does. a lot of his grief postres is of course wrapped up in nostalgia and homesickness and regrets for LP as a whole, but jyl is dead and he will never have that sibling dynamic again because jyl was required to sustain the jc and wwx relationship...and that’s tragic, that is, but the way things fell apart and the way jc and wwx’s relationship fractured before her death makes it so clear how fundamentally different their paths were always going to be, and it’s not a step forward or a ‘happy ending’ to have him return to someone with whom he’s had such a longterm and severe falling-out with. honestly jyl MADE that place his home. it was her compassion, and her love, and her generosity, her encouragement, her understanding that allowed wwx and jc to even have a relationship in the first place. and they did become close obviously but they could barely communicate with each other without her, of course the relationship didn’t survive her death

wwx clearly bitterly regrets what happened with jc and is upset that jc hates him (or so he thinks) but he also doesn’t particularly seem to miss jc in BM  the way he misses jyl or lwj which is interesting to me bc I don’t think wwx even likes him on a personal level which is another layer on complication here. there’s a lot of textual support for him loving jc and being protective of him but not really respecting jc as a leader, with a lot of subtext about him being very homesick and still caring a lot about him...which don’t contradict! they can both be true! but I still think that acting like a longterm survivor of unbelievable trauma can only truly be happy in a home he saw his entire family slaughtered in, at the side of a man who’s repeatedly assaulted him, encouraged him to kill himself, and triggered him intentionally, goes past stupid and into actively harmful, considering wwx’s lifetime of sacrifice and his willingness to be mistreated for other people’s sakes, especially the jiang’s. and it wouldn’t make him happy! it wouldn’t!

stating that LP his only ‘true’ home is...a reading that I can see people taking for sure, esp since in the drama he never really settled in CR. but stating that jc is the family he would be happiest with is so blatantly untrue like it ignores literally over half the story, essentially the entire ‘present-day’ arc and the many other people who wwx became family with, including jin ling, who is literally the last link he has to jyl and someone he clearly cares a lot about.

like. jc is the one sibling left but that doesn’t mean he’s okay to go back to, and it doesn’t mean that wwx would even be happy going back to him after developing such strong relationships with people who don’t routinely mistreat and abuse him, people he’s genuinely liked and been interested in since he was a teenager, people who he’s been through hell with and who shares his beliefs and principles. and we’ve obviously seen that wwx isn’t safe with jc, that jc isn’t in control of his anger, that he hurts wwx to personally gratify himself, that he triggers him with his phobia for no other reason than he thinks wwx deserves it. I feel like that should be clear to anyone with critical thinking skills even if they are jc fans?

I swear hardcore jc fans will just ignore the epic romance that’s literally the other most important wwx dynamic just because they don’t like it or whatever but like, not to criticize how people watch a show for fun but you cannot do a reading on wwx’s home or family or relationships supported by the text if you discount the significance of lwj to wwx or how their relationship is so utterly and intentionally different than jc’s. sometimes feels like these fans are taking the most bad-faith, shallow, face-value interpretation of  ‘oh wwx finds lwj boring and is stifled by CR’ and not bother to interrogate why maybe wwx is happy around lwj anyway and respects him and is excited to see him and brings him to important places like the shrine

I know none of this is saying anything new and I do like jc as a character, I just wish his fans would maybe use their heads and think through a complicated situation with respect to wwx further than ‘he misses this place so he will obviously be happy there with this person’ and then proceed to ignore 75% of the rest of the show that contradicts that or offers more nuance

[x0401x]

Given Movie Staff Comments

Creator, Kizu Natsuki

——Could you tell us your impressions from when the movie adaptation was green-lit?

I was surprised. I majored in cinema when I was a student, so it is deeply moving for me to have my own work being adapted into a movie, and in any case, it is a great honor.

——Please leave a message for the fans who will watch it.

I feel very grateful for the fact that “Given the Movie” will be presented to the public amidst the current situation, and that there are people who are thinking, “I want to watch it!” and will be coming all the way to the theatres. This is absurdly fortunate, and I am happy about it, thank you very much.

Director, Yamaguchi Hikaru

——Could you tell us your impressions and enthusiasm toward the movie adaptation?

We had been discussing making a movie ever since the project for animating “Given” came about, so when I saw the finished announcement for after the last TV episode, I felt that “the time has finally come, huh...”. The spotlight was on the high school gang in the TV series, but the story of the adult group has also been progressing all this time together with theirs, so the sensation is that everything that has been cultivated until now will be quietly put together.

——Were there any production differences between the anime and the movie?

For the TV series, we made eleven episodes of about twenty minutes each, which covered two and a half of the first volumes, so our biggest obstacle this time was whether or not we would manage to properly compress almost the same amount of material from the latter half of the original work into a predetermined length of sixty minutes. Also, the drama will unfold on a screen much bigger than a TV’s, so we were already fumbling around for how to display the visual parts of it in a way that is appropriate for a film. The sound quality is also completely different from TV, so we would like people to experience live concert music at the movie theatres.

——Please leave a message for the fans who will watch it.

We apologize for the awfully long wait. We have made this movie in hopes that both the people who have come from reading the original work and the people who are following it from the TV anime will enjoy it, and so that it will gently turn into a support for their hearts. This time, too, the soundtrack is full of truly wonderful pieces. Please look forward to it.

Screenplay writer, Ayana Yuniko

——Could you tell us your impressions and enthusiasm toward the movie adaptation?

It is a movie where the relationship between Haruki, Akihiko and Ugetsu is depicted colorfully. Mafuyu and Ritsuka have taken one step after another and established a communication, but these are “adults” that do not talk about their true feelings to their significant other. This story is a continuation of the TV series, but we attempted a different approach for it. There are also scenes that we can only depict because this is a movie.

——Were there any production differences between the anime and the movie?

We dug deep in the TV series, while the movie was a matter of condensing the script. It did not change that we depicted everything sensibly, so as not to spoil the air of Kizu-sensei’s manga, but in regards to the predetermined length, the amount of episodes to handle was big, so it was quite difficult. We progressed while earning confirmation from everyone involved, starting with Kizu-sensei.

——Please leave a message for the fans who will watch it.

Everyone will be able to watch “Given the Movie” in the same season as its story is set. We are grateful that we will be able to release it so quickly, while many forms of entertainment, such as the Given stageplay, were either canceled or postponed. Music and romance. By all means, do watch the season of these men who cannot let go, cannot come to clean decisions, are at loss and find themselves troubled.

Music composer, Michiru

——Could you tell us your impressions and enthusiasm toward the movie adaptation?

I am very happy that I will get to see the Given quartet on a theatre screen.

——Following the anime, you are in charge of the soundtrack, but what kind of music pieces do you want to deliver in the movie?

I hoped I would be able to deliver compositions that could support their conflicts and everyday lives, as well as colorfully hype up the story, and that is how I have produced them.

——Please leave a message for the fans who will watch it.

“Given the Movie” was postponed once after the state of emergency declaration, but we will finally be able to watch it in the theatres. By all means, come enjoy it in the theatres, including the surround sound that can only be used in cinemas.

Theme song composer, Centimillimental

——Could you tell us your impressions and enthusiasm toward the movie adaptation?

I felt that the theme of the TV series was a triangle with “someone who is here” and “someone who is gone”, but this movie is about a triangle between “people who are here”. I hope I can make people’s noses runny with my music, intersecting these painful and realistic feelings.

——Following the anime, you are in charge of the soundtrack, but what kind of music pieces do you want to deliver in the movie?

I also cherished it the previous time, but I would be happiest if it becomes a soundtrack that, instead of letting the story end with the individuals who appear in it being lumped as so-called “anime characters”, could make them, the staff, the actors, the people who will watch it and all the people who are involved with the series relatable and empathizable amongst each other as purely equal, interpretting the characters as human beings who love somebody, become happy, feel sad and get hurt like we do.

——Please leave a message for the fans who will watch it.

With no option against the global threat brought by the sudden coronavirus, the release of this movie was pushed way behind the schedule. I believe that, even after we finish watching the movie and come out of the venue, there are definitely many such kinds of darkness that will surge forward amidst our long lives. There might be nights when we will not be able to sleep due to the axiety of it. But in times like these, by using the message passed through the Given movie as a keyword, we should surely be able to overcome it. It is all right. “Even if you can’t sleep, dawn will break.”

[dog-teeth]

hi... idk if this is stupid but any tips on telling apart gender envy and attraction? i've been questioning for years and it's really throwing me off. i don't wanna transition only to realize i wanted to be with the person instead of being them :((

this ended up being long asf cuz i love to ramble so im gonna put it under the cut

i’ve struggled a lot with that too, i started being attracted to men after transitioning more, instead of just having gender envy towards them, thanks to physical/medical/more intense social transition which made me able to interact with men while not being perceived as a woman. it was all very confusing.

generally, i don’t think pure attraction would make you?? want to transition??? like if you were just attracted to them then you would be attracted to them as your current gender, not want to change your gender to be more like them? i guess maybe that could happen but honestly i don’t rly think cis people usually work like that.

i also think you need to deconstruct your idea of what ‘transition’ means - it’s not like one singular process over a set amount of time that you go through and then suddenly at the end you realize you made a mistake and don’t identify that way. transitioning is an active choice you make every moment of every day, and the vast majority of it is internal + social, not physical, so if you end up changing your mind, you can do it just fine. i strongly doubt you would go through an entire social and medical transition without realizing that you actually just wanted to be with someone. along the way you will be able to understand which parts of gender and transition make you happy, and what feels wrong. you’ll be able to feel out how things like altering your gender presentation with clothes, pronouns, names, etc, feels to you. if it makes you feel more like yourself, you’re probably not just doing it because you’re attracted to someone.

you can (and should) also take your transition as slow as you want, deciding to transition is a big deal but also it doesn’t have any inherent repercussions, from that decision you can choose to do whatever you want with your gender. take it one little step at a time, it’s not a big huge thing that happens all at once, it’s a slow and tedious and active process that will give you plenty of time to figure yourself out along the way.

as always, my blanket advice is that thinking really hard about your gender identity and what you want and how you feel often does not help, what does help is actually experimenting with your identity/presentation/etc, in whatever way you think would be most helpful and doable, even if it’s just by yourself or with a close friend or online etc. it doesn’t have to be drastic or public.

if you’ve been questioning for years, that’s a pretty solid indicator that some part of your identity, gender, sexuality, or presentation, is not currently what will make you happiest & your most genuine self. which part, i can’t tell you, but you can figure out with experimentation.

it also can be both gender envy and attraction. i feel that way about guys sometimes. it doesn’t make either aspect less valid or important, it just means there are traits of that gender/person that i find attractive both in a partner and that i want for myself. now that i’m more comfortable in my body & presentation (shoutout to hrt), the relationship i have with gender-envy-attraction is a little different, it would take a whole essay to explain but basically i just have a type LOL.

i can’t tell if you mean that there’s one specific person who you feel gender envy / attraction towards, or if this is a more general thing for you. if you mean one person, then consider looking for other sources of gender inspiration, like other people you’d want to be like, and see how it feels, and just think about your life and experiences separate from this person.

either way, think about who you would want to be if there were no expectations or context. just if it was you alone being able to choose what gender you were born as, or how you would want to look/be if you could instantly magically make it happen. if it’s something different than how you are now, then that’s significant! for example, i know that if i was the only person on earth and no one would ever see me, i would still want to have a flat chest. and i wouldn’t be able to choose which gender i id want to be born as because i wouldn’t want to be born as either one. dealing inn hypotheticals like this can be frustrating and unhelpful, but it can also help you get to the root of your feelings by removing the practical context of your life.

as always my perspective is that you have nothing to lose and everything to gain from experimenting with your gender, and you should go for it, and if you end up realizing that it’s not for you, that’s totally fine and you can go back to being cis! no harm done! but if there’s even a chance that changing something about your gender would make you happier, you should try it out.

[imagine-organization-xiii]

Organization XIII - Gift Exchange with S/O

A suggestion from PhantomMuze on Discord, who also did the ones for Luxord, Saix, and Axel for me when I was stumped. Happy Holidays!

Xemnas

What They Give to S/O - Xemnas has this uncanny ability of getting whatever you actually want for Christmas without you having to tell him. New phone? He got it two weeks ago. A new kitchen appliance? He got a deal on Black Friday. You want a new bedroom set? He already has it ready to be delivered whenever you want.

What They Get from S/O - You always like to go fancy for Xemnas because he’s a sophisticated guy, so you like to spend time picking out a nice gift. A nice ring, a new watch, a new suit, etc.

Xigbar

What They Give to S/O - The two of you will usually do some kind of gag gifts for each other, so Xigbar sometimes falls back on something funny, like a bottle of lube and a toy from a sex shop, but sometimes he’ll get even more creative and buy a funny book, or he’ll wrap a Video Game Console Box but he’ll put like a pillow in the box instead of a video game console.

What They Get from S/O - You also like gag gifts, but you like the actual gift to be something he’d use. It might be a gift card or a nice shirt or something for his weapons, but you’ll wrap it in like fifty zip ties or put it in layers and layers of cling wrap and rubber bands.

Xaldin

What They Give to S/O - Just be happy that he even remembered that it was Christmas, okay - he may not give the best gifts but he has a lot of spirit. He TRIES. He’ll go out and get you a piece of nice jewelry or a new dress or something and even if it isn’t the best gift or what you wanted, you can’t blame him for trying so hard because he always looks so worried that you’ll hate it

What They Get from S/O - This crazy man is hard to shop for, but you can’t go wrong when it comes to home goods. No, really. You and Lexaeus have been doing your best to upgrade and decorate your bedroom and the sitting room down the hall from your bedroom, so you can place an order for a nice clock, a better sofa, or a nice TV to mount on the wall in your bedroom and he’ll be like hell yeah.

Vexen

What They Give to S/O - One of the literal worst at buying Christmas presents, but he tries so you can’t really blame him. Clothes, stuff for your weapons, some of your favorite treats, usually stuff that is durable, reliable and things that you NEED. Doesn’t understand frivolous spending and would rather get you something that he knows you’re going to use.

What They Get from S/O - EQUIPMENT - Vexen will absolutely love you forever if you get him more lab equipment, if only because it’s stuff he could buy for himself but he can’t really justify the expenses, so he’s happy to have it without the strings attached.

Lexaeus

What They Give to S/O - Lexaeus is arguably the most thoughtful. You can guarantee that his gift will probably be handmade or something so nice and thoughtful that it will bring you to tears. One year he learned how to carve wood and actually made you an antique music box that completely blew you away, but this year he actually made you a large scrapbook filled with pictures from the entire year.

What They Get from S/O - It seems kind of awful, but literally the best kind of gift for Lexaeus? Gift cards. Seriously. He loves gift cards. Gift cards to Lowe’s, to Crate and Barrel, to World Market or Best Buy?��He loves that he can buy whatever he wants when it’s technically on someone else’s dime.

Zexion

What They Give to S/O - you and Zexion are both coffee connoisseurs, so he’ll surprise you on Christmas with a giant bag full of different types of exotic coffee that the two of you can try together, as well as little scones, cookies, and snacks for you to have with the coffee.

What They Get from S/O - Rare. Books. You found a signed First Edition of The Old Man and the Sea by Ernest Hemingway - it cost a pretty penny, but the look on his face when he opened it was so worth it.

Saix

What They Give to S/O - Gives his s/o stuff to help them organize their life - a mini whiteboard, a decorative calendar, a nice set of fancy stationary, but he’ll also get you some things that will help you relax! Scented candles, a cozy bathrobe, or some incense to burn.

What They Get from S/O - Saix is difficult to shop for, so alcohol is always a good way to go. Surprisingly, he also enjoys training gear - maybe a new set of boxing gloves or some hand wraps. If you’re really desperate, he’s also good with bath products, like some body wash.

Axel

What They Give to S/O - Another one who likes gag gifts, but he always makes sure to give you something he knows you’ll enjoy too. So you’ll be getting some Smart Ass Wipes but you’ll also be getting a warm snuggie and maybe a stuffed animal too.

What They Get from S/O - FOOD 100%. Axel loves getting food for Christmas - giant bags of chips, bottles of soda and juice, christmas cookies, mini-pies, brownies, fudge, etc. He will be the happiest person ever if he can just spend the whole day eating snacks.

Demyx

What They Give to S/O - Has a habit of forgetting how many gifts that he buys for his significant other, because he’s one of those people who sees a small thing at the store and gets it for you, then he sees something else and gets that too, but that happens like every day for the entire month of December so you’ll get small cute gifts that he thinks you’ll like, but there will be a TON of them

What They Get from S/O - Something music-related - he always likes getting supplies, like blank sheet music or extra strings for his sitar, a new amp or other equipment, but you know what else he likes? Games. Board games or card games are so awesome to get for Demyx because he’s always up for playing them and they’re a good bonding experience.

Luxord

What They Give to S/O - Luxord likes to treat you well, okay??? He’ll sometimes go overboard but it’s fine because his heart is in the right place. Get ready to open your present to see some Swarovski Crystal jewelry or some plane tickets to a faraway location so the two of you can have a romantic trip together.

What They Get from S/O - Another guy who likes practical things, so he’ll probably get some new clothes, a new set of razors, or maybe some alcohol. Food or tea are also good ways to go with Luxord

Marluxia

What They Give to S/O - He goes all out when it comes to Christmas gifts because he is That Bitch. He gets creative and likes to get unique gifts - it’s never anything you would think about asking for, but you always love it anyway - a unique statue from somewhere far away, a rare cross-breed of flower he created and named after you, 

What They Get from S/O - You’d think flowers, obviously, but that would be too easy for you, so you might get him a bouquet or something, but Marluxia ALSO likes gifts of alcohol. Fancy bottle of wine or liquor paired with fancy crackers, chocolate, cheese, and meats in a big gift basket.

Larxene

What They Give to S/O - Larxene knows you so well, she doesn’t even need to ask you for some ideas of what you want for Christmas. She knows you’ve been stressed this year, so she planned a trip for the two of you to another world and plans on surprising you on Christmas morning.

What They Get from S/O - Larxene is very much a person who likes to go out and do things, so you might get her an appointment at a spa for a facial and a mani-pedi, maybe a couple’s massage and a nice dinner at one of her favorite restaurants.

Roxas

What They Give to S/O - He will either beg you for ideas or he’ll try and get one of the other org members probably (Xion) to help him. He’ll end up getting you something you really want but it’ll take a lot of effort. He might get you a nice piece of jewelry, a few items of clothing, or even a voucher for something that the two of you can do together.

What They Get from S/O - I feel like Roxas would like something homemade, but instead of crafts and whatnot, you can pile him with homemade cookies and candy and fudge and brownies and he’d be good to go.

Xion

What They Give to S/O - Xion made a little craft for her s/o, probably something like a cool bracelet or one of those jars of colored sand, something that they can cherish for a while.

What They Get from S/O - Xion gets stuffed animals! She LOVES stuffed animals and all things warm and comforting, so she might also get some fun blankets and fluffy Christmas pajamas.

[bedlamsbard]

Writing tag game -- tagged by @lessattitudemorealtitude

how many works do you have on Ao3?

Discounting podfic on which I’m listed as a co-author, 24.  My concept writing doesn’t go to AO3 and the vast majority of my Narnia fic was never cross-posted there.  (Or reposted there, actually, I think most of it pre-dates the AO3.)

what’s your total Ao3 word count?

1,050,810.  oh, huh, I didn’t actually realize I’d passed the one million word mark (probably with Crown).

what are your top 5 fics by kudos?

all of these ended up being Star Wars, which is not a huge surprise.  Morning will probably reach Dirt in the next couple of updates, I’d guess.

Immutable, or, Five Times Obi-Wan Kenobi Compromised His Jedi Ethics for Anakin Skywalker -- this is not the oldest Star Wars fic on there, but I think it’s the second oldest. people just really like 5 times fic.

Wake the Storm - did you know that when I started Wake I assumed it was a very niche trope in what was, at the time, a pretty dead fandom? the kudos count on Wake actually outnumbers Gambit by more than 1600 kudos, so the number of people who go from Wake to Gambit is a lot lower than you might think.

Queen's Gambit - a significantly lower kudos count than Wake or Immutable.  Gambit’s such a weirdo of a story, tbh, I can’t be surprised by anything about Gambit anymore.

On the Edge of the Devil's Backbone - about 600 kudos less than Gambit, so less difference between Gambit and Backbone than between Wake and Gambit.

Dirt in the Machine - another older fic.  I’d rewrite this one if I cared enough to do so, because it’s not at my current standards (Immutable isn’t either, for that matter) and I kind of wince every time I get comments on it.  this is the first one of the top five to have below 1K kudos.

do you respond to comments, why or why not?

I’ll usually respond to direct questions, but I very, very seldom respond to comments in general.  This is an old standing policy of mine that’s now more than a decade old -- it used to be I’d wait twenty-four hours before responding, then I’d respond right before the next chapter went up, and for a while I’d only respond to comments on the first few chapters of a story.  Now I just mostly do not.  The reasons for this are: (1) many, many years ago, I lost my temper pretty badly at a comment on a fic of mine (this was pre-AO3, this was back in my LJ days), and after that I moved to the “wait twenty-four hours” response so I didn’t say anything without thinking about it, (2) I do go back and reread comments but I hate rereading my own responses, (3) I prefer to know the comments numbers on my fic are all from actual comments and not from me saying “thanks for reading!”, (4) I can’t take that kind of responsibility for answering every single comment, man.

what’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

Of stuff I’ve written in the past ten years? (I can’t really remember before that.)  Maybe Backbone, because it ends on that pretty upbeat “yay team we’re going to be rebels now!” note.  or Devil’s in the Details (other side part 1), though I don’t really want to consider it a finished fic even though it’s technically finished; it has another “yay team we’re back together (minus Ezra)” ending.  I tend to end on complicated and reasonably open endings, not like...happy endings.

what’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

probably Gambit for the “everything is super fucked up” factor and also the fact that I never wrote the sequel. plus it ended with the entire Wake trio split up in a whole new universe, plus back in the Gambitverse Amidala not able to go back to Naboo, Ahsoka shunned, Palpatine’s new empire, Rex trapped in the Gambitverse, etc.

do you write crossovers?

I did in my Narnia days. I don’t anymore. Working in widespread fandoms like Star Wars or the MCU is basically like writing crossover fic within the same universe, anyway.

have you ever received hate on a fic?

*hysterical laughter*

...yes. yes I have. it’s the reason every time I get a comment notification on Gambit or Wake I freeze in absolute terror. people HATE Wake and Gambit.  I hate to say never, but I will probably never write those characters or in that series again.

do you write smut? if so, what kind?

not really?  I’ve done relatively non-explicit sex but it’s not something I’m super comfortable writing, especially in recent years. I’m much more likely to do a fade to black.

have you ever had a fic stolen?

I think Gambit got scraped once when it was still in progress and my response was something along the lines of “good luck, bro,” given the whole “still in progress” thing.

have you ever had a fic translated?

I’ve gotten a couple of translation requests but I can’t recall if anything’s ever been translated.  (Or if I responded to them...I know a few I forgot to respond.)

have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes, back in my Narnia days.  Some SW concept writing and that ended so badly that I’ll never co-write again.

what’s your all-time favourite ship?

Kanan/Hera, of course!

what’s a wip that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

gods, Dust in the Air, my Narnia Last Battle AU.  Back when I started it in 2008 or so I didn’t have the self-control or discipline I do now, even if I had a lot of the worldbuilding ability and the ability to conceive of if not execute long plot arcs, and I broke off more than I could chew.  If I ever went back to it I’d probably have to do a complete rewrite and it has the unique problem among my WIPs of being the last major fic I wrote in present tense -- I now write exclusively in past tense.  The bones of the story are good, I’d just have to go back to the bones and not just pick up where I left off.

what are your writing strengths?

Plot, worldbuilding/environment, action.  I also do genuinely think I’m very good at characterization too, but I think they’re all inter-related.  (Except the action, that’s me alone.  I love writing action and I generally get a lot of compliments on my action scenes.)  look, I know it’s conceited, but I’m good and I know I’m good, and I’m good in a pretty well-rounded way for the genre I write.

what are your writing weaknesses?

brevity. can’t do it.

honestly, there are others, but I don’t write stories where they’d come up.  I think I have a tendency to get to bogged down in dialogue in a way that I’ve never quite solved.  I also let my emotions take over too much and not in the good fannish way, in the “I’m having a fucked up relationship with canon or fandom and it’s affecting my ability to work” way.

what are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

please stop having your Asgardians speak Latin for magic, man, that’s my feeling on it.

okay, my feelings on it for me -- I’ve sprinkled bits and pieces of Huttese, Twi’leki, and tee-tiny bits of other stuff here and there in fic.  I’d not be comfortable doing more than that because the only other language that I really feel comfortable doing anything significant in is Latin, and even then I’d hesitate. also, like, Latin! not a language that comes up in the fandoms I write in.  even then, like -- any extended dialogue should be intelligible to the audience, and I don’t expect my audience to be able read anything other than English; I’d rather just say “they switched to Twi’leki to say” or something similar.

what was the first fandom you wrote for?

like, online? Harry Potter. for things that I didn’t post online because I didn’t know what fic was yet? probably either The 10th Kingdom or The Mummy.

what’s your favourite fic you’ve written?

On the Edge of the Devil’s Backbone.  I think it’s the best thing I’ve ever written, I think it’s the most tightly plotted, I think it’s got the best worldbuilding, I think it’s remarkably consistent thematically, and it was, at the time, a fic that I was very devoted to finishing or dying trying, because I was going through it at the time and some of it was connected to the fic.

I don’t tag people, but please go for if you want!

[marvelousell]

The Agreement (Part 9.)

Pairing(s): frat boy!fwb!Tom x reader, frat boy!Harrison x reader

Summary: Tom is a typical frat boy, his love for partying, drinks and girls are bigger than his ego. Y/N is a whole different dimension, she keeps her circle small, and even though she knows her best friend Tom is a total douche, she can’t say no to the little deal that was sealed between the two of them.

Word count: 5.3k

A/N: Hereee it is!! I went with this part and honestly my feelings are hurtttt. I’m also so happy for all the lovely reactions and comments that you sent me🥺. I would still appreciate it if you leave a comment, reblog or send a feedback!❤️

My tag list is open for this series!

Warnings: SMUT 18+, angst, swearing, mentions of alcohol

Part 1. Part 2. Part 3. Part 4. Part 5. Part 6. Part 7. Part 8.

Masterlist

“Make yourself comfortable please.”

To be nervous is totally fine in this situation, but this was Harrison, he wasn’t like other guys. The invitation to his place was strictly because he wanted some privacy and the party was a place to lame for him to ask the question he wanted to. He could see that you were nervous, also a bit shy to just sit and relax in this unfamiliar place.

You stayed still a few steps away from him, waiting so he could guide you towards the living room. Your hands were in front of you, fingers playing with each other nervously, and the pinkish shade on your cheeks definitely caught Harrison’s attention like it always did.

“C’mon love.” He put his hands on your lower back first, slowly moving them to your hips as you two walked towards the beige couch.

“Want a drink?” He offered before he could sit down next to you.

“No, just come and sit down with me.” You mumbled as you removed your heels.

Harrison just chuckled blissfully at your words, contentment filling his body. He was overjoyed to see that you felt the same as he felt for you. The small things or words made him elated. His body plopped next you, his arm instantly moving over your shoulder.

You loved his presence and affection. Something you didn’t but always wanted to experience. Sure you cuddled with Tom, his fingers would always skim across your body but this was different. It wasn’t in a friendly way or sexual like it was with Tom.

He liked you and you liked him. It wasn’t platonic that’s the difference.

You could feel yourself leaning in his embrace, his significant scent making you smile instantly.

“I would give up any event let alone an uninteresting party for moments like this.” Harrison broke the silence, running his fingers through your hair, occasionally brushing the nape of your neck.

“Believe me I didn’t even want to go tonight I just went because you asked me if I was going and I really wanted to see you.” You spoke slowly, wrapping your hands around his neck.

“I wouldn’t go if you said no, and I would still invite you here so we could have a night for ourselves.”

Harrison was beaming. Absolutely beaming. He was impatient to make you his, your sweet voice and words echoed in his mind constantly.

The sight of you in his arms that were wrapped tightly around you was something he didn’t want to lose. He felt complete now, you showed him what love and affection was in a short amount of time and he hoped that you felt the same.

It sure scared him a little in the beginning, because with you it felt so unreal. Your beauty was making him feel nervous. He could remember the heart beat that was going crazy when he first laid his eyes on you in that kitchen and how he encouraged himself to go and talk to you. It made him terrified only because the same feelings were present when he first saw Emily.

Emily was someone who Harrison thought was the one, the one that he could spend a date night inside with, the one with whom he could laugh about stupid things and the one that would be here when he didn’t feel like himself to show him that he is truly loved. He craved the most simplest things, however he didn’t get them. Emily that was not his first partner but still his first true love really made him question relationships, and she left him thinking that this wasn’t working because he wanted too much. How ironic.

Emily crossed his mind frequently, he couldn’t deny that, after all she was someone that changed him. But now with you here he couldn’t be happier. You brought hope in his love life, and he was certain that he could do everything he ever wanted in a relationship with his partner, with you.

“You really are special, skipping a frat party to be home with a girl? That’s a new one.” You chuckled, turning your head to look at him.

“You don’t even know me, as I said I enjoy things like this much more than getting drunk and watching Tom use his same lame flirting on girls.” He laughed, shaking his head at the thought of that.

You flinched when his name came up, but you needed to stop reacting like that and remind yourself that you have someone who will give you everything. Right here.

“I really love your warm embrace, I could stay with you here forever. No one else just you.” You spoke, expressing your feelings, trying to show him how much he really meant to you and how he is the one that you need.

“I love how open you are with me yet still so timorous when you speak, you’re so winsome love.” He placed his index finger under your chin, lifting it so he could look at you properly.

You were already smiling, the heat spreading throughout your body.

The moment was quintessential, and the strong desire to kiss him that was forming inside of you didn’t let you be. Eyes focused on his lips that were slightly parted, making you lean into the kiss. Harrison did the same, pausing when your noses bumped, moving his hands to the nape of your neck, your back arching from the sudden contact and slight grip. If he could he would froze this moment just to stare at your sparkly eyes and the sheepish grin that could make anyone’s day.

“I could look into your beauteous eyes for the rest of my life and I would never get tired of them. God you make go insane Y/N.” He half whispered, lips brushing yours as he spoke leisurely.

It was the words he picked that were full of love and admiration, his gentle touches and good manners that made butterflies bloom in the pit of your stomach.

“I really want you to kiss me.” You murmured, rising up from your seat to his lap.

It was enough for Harrison, drawing you close to his lips. It was a tender moment between you but still filled with desire. Harrison was in seventh heaven, sneaking a small glance at your flushed face every time you two would come back for air.

“Harrison..” The sound of you saying his name was like magic for him, wanting to hear that over and over again.

“You make me so happy already, and I want to make you the happiest girl as well.” His thumb rubbing the pink skin of your cheeks.

He wanted to ask you now.

“Jesus I’m so bad at this and your body close to mine is making me even more nervous. As much as I practiced you just made my mind go blank. You’re a true treasure Y/N and I would love to call you mine.” He began, eyes never leaving yours.

The air got stuck in your throat, heart skipping a beat and body tingling. You were voiceless, but your genuine smile said everything.

Now you were the one that cupped his cheeks, closing the space between you.

Cherry and Roses. The taste and scent that followed him everywhere.

“I’m yours.”

The words were on repeat in his head and nothing could make him more joyful than this moment.

“Say it again.” He exhaled, grinning from ear to ear.

“I’m yours.” You chuckled as his hands travelled down to your waist lifting you up from the couch.

“I can’t wait to call you mine every single second. Let’s get some rest beautiful.” He couldn’t keep his lips away from you, it was like an addiction.

-

“So you never told me about your past relationships.”

It was late, but you two were still wide awake, having small talks about everything.

Your head on his chest listening to his heart that was thumping rhythmically. His fingers were under his shirt that he lent you, stroking your silky skin lovingly.

“Because it’s the most miserable and cliché story ever.”

“Yeah? You need to hear mine then.” He tittered, not wanting to feel down at the sudden thought of his ex.

“I’m listening.”

Was he really going to tell you all about it? He didn’t even know why he brought up this question, but he didn’t want you to think that he still had some feelings for Emily.

Harrison was so lost in his thoughts, that he just remained silent.

“It’s okay, you don’t need to tell me. I can see that it’s bothering you, but I just want you to know that you’re absolutely incredible.” Your low voice bringing him back.

“No, God. Sorry I just don’t know from where should I start.”

“I, her name was Emily. We were together for 3 years. I know nothing too much but for me it was enough to see what true love is.”

He is definitely talking about the girl that Anna and Tom mentioned.

“We met through a friend, she just got out of a relationship and I was single so the friend just thought it would be a good match you know? I mean she really caught my eye before it so it wasn’t a problem. We talked throughout the whole night and it seemed like we had so much in common and we both knew this would be something more.” Harrison exhaled, remembering that night that was crystal clear in his mind. He didn’t want to lie, he wanted to say every detail to you, but he also wanted you to know at the end that this was all in the past.

“And you know how things go after it, dates, kisses, making love and all that. As cheesy as it sounds it was definitely like a fairytale. Nothing could make me more happier than her broad smile early in the morning and how she would always hide her face when I would kiss her. Honestly everything went fine in the beginning and if someone asked me if I was sure about her and where do I see myself with her I would undoubtedly say that I could see myself getting older with her.” He laughed ironically.

You stayed in the same position, listening to every word he said. It made you a tiny bit jealous just because it all sounded so genuine and because you knew she would never leave his heart. Just like Tom wouldn’t leave yours.

“And yes I was so smitten, so smitten and stupid that I wanted to propose. Everything was planned, done, but during the process the relationship just wasn’t like it was before, but I still hoped that it was just a phase, I mean every couple goes through it right? However she became so distant, the kisses didn’t feel like kisses we shared normally, they were forced. Sleeping wasn’t like it was once, I had my side and she had hers. I don’t know I was still in love, I was hoping that the proposal would show her how much I cared and wanted her to be here no matter what. I really gave everything, I gave myself, my love, my patience, everything.”

Your chest tightened, he truly loved her. His fingers stopped to caress your skin, now they were just resting on your lower back.

“The whole night was a total flop, she was in her world and when I finally asked her what was wrong she broke down and told me that she didn’t want this. At least with me. That I was a great guy, a wonderful boyfriend, but she wasn’t sure about us. It was too fast she said, that maybe she still had some love that she felt towards her ex boyfriend. How sad ain’t it? Three years passed and she just realized it after those three years. But still as much as I was heartbroken I loved her so fucking much. How could I not? And well that’s all I think. We just went our separate ways and after that I didn’t feel anything for a girl, until you came.” He smiled after the last words, thumb brushing up and down near your hips.

You were still quiet after his words, sure it was his past and who were you to feel jealous now? It was just the thoughts that were messing with you.

“Please love, after this I don’t want you to think that I still love her. Gosh I could never do something not just to you but to any other girl like this, I’m not a person that gets with someone just to forget the person I was with and I never will be. Please I like you a lot love, you really activated those butterflies after a long time. Thank you for that you’re my future.” The grip on your hips tightened and it was enough, it was already enough in the living room. He was telling the truth.

“I’m so sorry for what happened, no one should feel like that especially you. It bothers me that I can feel how you think that it was your fault. Please never think something like that, Harrison you are absolutely astonishing and no one could change my mind about that. You deserve so much more and every girl would kill just to have someone like you. I adore you.” You answered, pecking his lips.

Harrison was thankful for you. Thankful for a new chance.

“Thank you love, that means a lot to me.” He kissed your forehead, bringing you back to his chest.

“You still owe me your cliché story, but for another night. I would just love to cuddle with you now beautiful.”

“No worries, for another night then. Come here.” You giggled, enjoying every little touch from him.

-

Harrison was the first to wake up, the thought of seeing you in the morning next to his figure didn’t let him sleep. You were still in each other’s arms, your face nuzzled in the crook of his neck sleeping peacefully.

The hot breath that was tickling his skin and the small arms that were all over him not letting him move made him elated.

The whole night was just what he wished for.

Still the memory from Emily didn’t let him be. He ensured himself that it’s okay to feel scared, everyone experiences a relationship that will make you question the new one that comes. You were not Emily and he knew that you two could have something serious together.

“Harrison?” The vibrations on his skin from the small voice that belonged to you sent chills down his spine.

You looked so prepossessing even with your half open eyes and hair scattered all over the bed.

“I’m here love, good morning.” He said while his fingers were tracing the skin on your leg that was placed over his hip.

“I don’t want to get up, you’re so warm.” You mumbled, snuggling closer to him.

Harrison just chuckled, loving how his girlfriend was a big fan of cuddling just like he was.

“Who said we need to get up? I have classes in the afternoon today, so I’m all yours now.”

“Oh thank God.” You exhaled loudly, kissing his neck.

You were on cloud nine, his soft sheets and touch didn’t let you think straight. As you reminisced about the events from the previous night a smile crept upon your face that Harrison could clearly feel.

“What is the reason for this huge smile?”

“You.” You giggled, hiding your face from his.

“Me? I’m honoured love, I should be the one smiling uncontrollably here, because a lovely lady that I can proudly call mine is in my bed snuggled up next to me. Looks like I’m winning here.” A chuckle escaping when he saw you blushing at his compliments, he could never get tired of that. You looked adorable.

“You really love to make me go all shy, it’s so entertaining for you.” You joked.

“How could it not be? You are the sweetest, and that endearing little grin of yours just makes my day a thousand times better.”

“You’re such a flirt.”

The rooms filled with giggles and the sound of a television show. It was like you two knew each other for so long and you wanted to try building the relationship.

He was your type, he showed how gentle he was with you and how he found not just this but previous relationship serious. Harrison was all about love and affection and you would end up being selfish if you played him like that. You always dreamt about this and although Tom was the one you had strong feelings for, your small deal needed to end. Even if you didn’t want it.

-

It was a long afternoon. Tom should be here for a second and the lovely thoughts from the party and this morning were replaced with anxiety.

You were trying to relax on your couch, in the dark living room before the traditional movie night.

The movie nights were a must every week ever since elementary school. The fights about the movies and the characters in it and how your salty popcorn tasted better then his sweet one was something that always put a smile on your face. You wanted Harrison and Tom, but you should be focusing on the future and only one could give it to you.

“Man a burglar could take you and the whole flat and you wouldn’t hear or see a damn thing.” Tom’s voice from the small hall made you flinch. How did he enter? Right the key.

“You really love to come here and go whenever you want?” You stood up, hands over your chest.

“I would love to stay then if you want to?” The classic smirk on his face.

You just rolled your eyes, plopping back to your seat.

Tom’s eyes were basically undressing you, even if you were in his old hoodie that he gave you a long time ago with a messy bun on top of your head he found you so stunning.

“You never got tired of that old piece hm?” He asked, rubbing your inner thigh with his thumb, making you shiver from the sudden contact.

You tried your best to focus on the stupid show that was on the television and not on his touch and eyes, after all you made a final decision about this deal.

“It’s really comfy.” You mumbled, bringing your knees close to your chest.

“You look so pretty Y/N.” Tom was looking at you for a long time, blurting out his thoughts accidentally.

Your head turned to look at him. His words making everything feel so difficult. Are you really ready to end this now?

“Huh?”

Tom was lost, he was full of confidence around girls but now he was feeling so nervous and that made him feel absolutely lost.

“I-I, you look pretty.” He said once again, placing his hand on your knee.

Please don’t make this so hard for me.

“Thank you Tom.” You replied, flashing him a small smile.

You were on his mind the whole night. He found himself thinking about your tight little dress and how attractive you looked with jealousy written all over your face.

He couldn’t stop thinking about your body close to Harrison’s as well. Tom was green with envy when he saw his best friend whispering something in your ear making you all smiles, when he saw him caressing your body slowly and when he saw you two leaving together.

Tom was never like this and he didn’t want to feel like this.

Gracie could be perfect for him. Why not?

After all you said that he should try to change his love life.

“So you had fun last night?” Tom asked, trying to know where you and Harrison went last night.

“Oh absolutely, my legs were hurting a little but the booze and atmosphere was brilliant.”

“And the after party?”

“What after party?”

“Oh you know at the Osterfield residence.” He said directly, pressing his lips firmly together.

“You’re unbelievable.” You laughed at his question.

“Why? Just asking love.”

“We didn’t have sex if that’s what you wanted to know.”

“Why do you think that sex is the only thing that’s on my mind?” He asked, pretending to be hurt.

“No honestly, how did it go.” His body was now close to yours, hand still on your knee.

“The best night ever. We talked a lot, he made me feel so special. And we finally made it official.” You were direct with your answer.

Official? Sure he knew Harrison was head over heels for you and that he will eventually make you his, but he didn’t know that the relationship would bother him that much.

“I’m happy for you love.” Tom answered, but the tone of his voice didn’t show that happiness.

“And I kinda took your advice about my love life.”

“Advice?”

“I asked Gracie out.”

You weren’t sure if you were breathing in that moment. It took you by surprise.

Tom and a date? With Gracie?!

And you thought that maybe he could see how much you liked him.

“Gracie?” The lump in your throat didn’t let you say anything else.

“Yeah, she is amazing.”

Amazing.

“I’m happy for you Holland.”

Bullshit.

“People won’t believe me that I want to settle down.” He laughed, but you couldn’t.

“Everyone needs a change.”

“That’s right love. And thank you for that.” His thumb stroked your cheek gently.

“Tom, this needs to stop..” You began, removing his hand from your cheek.

“What needs to stop?”

“This. This deal or whatever you call it. We are both with someone now.”

“Wait a minute, I thought we said that relationships during this deal were totally fine? And I’m not with Gracie if that’s the problem.” He fired back with his orotund voice.

“I know what we said I’m not senile, b-but we can’t okay. We can’t.”

“Tell me why? Afraid that your boyfriend will find out?”

“Why don’t you worry about Gracie and leave Harrison out of this.”

“And you leave her then. Look Y/N I don’t want to fight. Just let me know why, we were fine like this, until now. We don’t share any feelings, it’s fine.” He tried with the ‘we don’t share any feelings’ thing just to cover the truth.

He didn’t want this to end.

“Because I don’t want to do this behind his back. I-I really like him and I don’t want him to think that he is not enough.”

Tom was irritated, the fight was dumb but he was so stubborn that he won’t let you go that easily.

“And I really damn like you Y/N.” He almost shouted, your chest tightening.

Tom was eager, pulling you close to him smashing his lips with yours.

Your fists were knotted in his shirt, trying to get him closer to you.

You wanted to push him away, you really did but you couldn’t. Something didn’t let you.

His tongue slipped inside of your mouth, making you groan from the sensation. Tom’s hands were under your hoodie, exploring every inch of your skin. The soft touch made your body tremble, your hips moving towards him.

“Fuck, you want this. You can say that you don’t need me or that you don’t want to continue this, but your body doesn’t agree with that.”

You hated how right he was and how he could make you feel so weak.

His hands gripped your waist, still not breaking the kiss. He drew you closer to him, flush against his chest, arm now resting on your lower back.

“You’re beautiful Y/N, I really meant that.”

If only this wasn’t that difficult. You were aware that this will be the last time and that it needs to stop after it.

“Let me make you feel good love.” He said lowly against your neck, kissing it sloppily.

“Shit, please.” Your voice so fragile.

Tom didn’t want to rush anywhere, he wanted to taste every part of you.

The aching in between your legs was getting too distracting, making you clench around nothing. Tom saw how you tried to jerk your hips closer to his hands and it drove him nuts.

“Patience baby.”

His husky voice and thumbs near your dripping core unleashed a growl from your chest.

“Please do something.”

Tom didn’t answer, his hands just moving down to push your hoodie up, exposing your hard nipples. You sank down on the couch, hands leaving his neck to tease your nipples that were begging for some attention.

Tom’s pupils were dilated, his member getting harder from the sight in front of him.

His hands went immediately to your erect nipples that were in between your small fingers, pinching and brushing his thumb over them. You let out a quiet squeal when you felt his hot breath near them. He was teasing the places were you needed him the most.

“I never had my time with these gorgeous tits.” He cooed, attaching his mouth around one nipple, tongue sweeping around it while his fingers toyed with the other one.

You threw your head back in ecstasy, you could feel yourself getting impatient and wetter just from this.

His lips pulled away for a second to blow some air on your hard, wet nipple. And he totally succeeded with that, because his smirk was large at that point when he heard you moan from the sensation.

“So fucking gorgeous.”

Tom didn’t want to discard your hoodie, or should he say his. It looked amazing and seeing you in his clothes made him go crazy.

“Leave the hoodie I want you to have it on while I pleasure you, just keep it above your chest wanna see you playing with these beautiful tits.” He kneaded your right breast while he pressed open mouthed kisses down your abdomen.

Tom was eager as much as you were, he wanted to taste you badly and to show you how good he could make you feel.

“Dear God just a hoodie and a thin white thong. You’re a naughty one aren’t ya? You knew that a guest is coming and you still didn’t bother to change.” His dirty talk was something else, it drove you to the edge.

“Please Tommy..I need ya.” Your pleads were like music to Tom’s ears.

“Where do you need me petal?” He teased, knowing how embarrassed you get with the dirty talk.

“Tommy..” You tried once again.

“C’mon petal don’t get all shy now, tell me where do you need me?” His fingers played with the thin band of your thong that was already soaking wet, mouth now so close to your pussy.

“O-oh please Tom, need your tongue. Need your fingers and tongue to make me cum. Please.” The low chuckle of his was echoing in your ears, he was so in love with your small pleads and moans.

“Good girl. See it wasn’t that hard, ask me nicely and I will fulfill your dreams.” He answered, kissing your heat through the white material.

“Bloody hell, you’re already dripping and I didn’t even touch you yet.”

“Fuck.” He licked a long, sensual strip over your clothed clit, placing his hand on your belly to stop your movements.

Your were breathing heavily, his index finger moved to the edges of your panties to move them aside, brushing your clit on purpose.

Tom’s fingers dipped into your slick heat, making a tremor work its way through your body. The panties were removed so your glistening core was on display just for him.

The flat of Tom’s tongue was pressed on your swollen clit that was throbbing for more. He began to move his mouth, swirling his tongue a few times over your entrance before he started to suck on your clit.

The only sounds that could be heard were your soft but loud moans mixed with the damp sound of Tom’s lips working against your core.

“Fuck, you taste so sweet baby.” He spoke against your pussy, the vibrations from his words made your back arch.

Your eyes were shut enjoying the moment, but they opened immediately when the sound of a phone started ringing through your flat.

Shit.

“It’s yours, c’mon answer it.” Tom handed you the phone, Harrison’s name written on the screen.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

“It’s Harrison!” You started panicking.

“Then answer, don’t let your boyfriend wait.” He responded, giving you a lopsided grin.

Asshole.

“H-hey.” You greeted him with your shaky voice.

“Good evening love, I told you I would call you after my classes.” Shit you totally forgot.

Tom didn’t like to wait. He returned to his previous position, lowering his head to your sweet pussy.

Your eyes were warning him to not even begin this dangerous game, but he still carried on.

“So tomorrow?”

“Huh? Sorry love I-I’m cooking and I didn’t hear you, fuck.” Tom kept sucking your clit, inserting two fingers inside of you. You were biting on your lip harshly, trying your best not to moan loudly.

“Oh are you okay? I said if you wanted to go for a walk tomorrow.” Harrison asked, laughing at your words.

“Yeah, yeah, absolutely. I’m just making these mean muffins and the chocolate was s-so hot and I burned my tongue.” Jesus that was the most lousy excuse ever, even Tom laughed when you said it.

“You’re so cute love, I will call you later then? Save me a muffin.”

You were so close, toes curling and your walls squeezing his fingers.

“I will call you later don’t worry.”

You said your goodbyes ending the call.

“You’re such a jerk T-Tom.”

“You love me.”

“And you’re so close baby. Let it go for me, let me see how good I made you feel.” He added, his fingers curling inside of you.

“I want to hear my name when you cum, want you to look at me.”

That was enough for you to cum, your legs shaking from your orgasm, his name ringing through your flat. He licked you clean, groaning whenever you would flinch when his tongue would come in contact with your clit.

You came back to reality after it.

Shit Harrison.

You were so stupid.

“You are amazing Y/N, please look at me.”

It was hard to look at him, you didn’t want to stop this but it was for the best.

“Tom.”

“Don’t say my name like that I know something is going to happen.”

“We really need to stop this. We almost got caught, Gosh I sounded so pathetic, I’m a liar.” You’re voice quiet and shaky, the guilt already eating you up.

“We both know we can’t, we need each other.”

“It’s not about what we need but what we deserve.”

“What are you saying?”

“I’m saying it’s time for you to leave. I want us to be friends like we were, I don’t want to lose you after this.”

“Friends?”

“I have a boyfriend and God you will probably have a girlfriend, you like each other. Like you said we don’t share feelings in that way, we’re best friends, t-this is just not the right time.” The tears pooling in your eyes.

“Y/N..” Tom the guy that always had something to say was speechless. If someone said to him that a deal like this could break his heart he would just laugh at that statement.

“Tom I really love you, and I don’t want to lose you. Let’s just forget t-this.” You repeat yourself.

“Yeah, let’s forget it.” He stood up, marching to the front door.

Forget it? God he fucking loved you and he was an idiot for not realizing it earlier. It was just to late for everything.

“Tom, please can we talk one day about this.” You asked before he could slam the door shut. “Yeah.” He spoke coldly, looking at your eyes once more before he stepped outside.

-

Tag List

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[fantastic-rambles]

You made great points as to why a final Adam/Langa race would happen. It makes a lot of sense narratively, but I do hope they’ll choose a more subversive path in which he does forfeit/quit whether that be during Tadashi/Langa or Adam/Langa. I still hope for Tadashi/Adam to occur since they’ve also built him up as an equal. They’ve made a point that in other races Adam has purposely stayed behind to match the speed of other races, regardless of whether they start together, if he was interested by them. But Tadashi matched Adam’s time exactly in the qualifying rounds. And considering how much Adam has insulted Tadashi about being beneath him, I’d find them going head to head pretty satisfying. Makes me want to see a race where both are going all out since we’ve never seen either of them particularly intense about winning. Adam because of his persona and wanting to mess with his opponent and Tadashi because of his reserved nature. Either way I’m sure it’ll be good.

And I hope that Reki is more secure in himself when facing Adam like you mentioned. If he doesn’t want to go against him again, what do you think would happen? I’ve seen ppl say Reki will probably agree for Langa’s sake and the opportunity to skate, but what if he holds his ground about not enjoying skating with Adam? Do you think it’s possible that could be what causes Langa to forfeit/quit. (That would make Adam so mad lol). It’s probably not likely since they’re our main protagonists, but I think it would a cool demonstration of their character growths. Reki because he wouldn’t skate if it’s not going to be fun for him and Langa because it goes back to the original broken promise + prioritizes the relationship that makes him happiest about skating in the first place. Also, they can get away from what could be considered unnecessary, dangerous behavior that show condemns (when Manager Oka tells Reki that he’s enjoying pain because he’s unhappy with himself). Obviously skating is good for Langa and Reki, but the illegal and dangerous races at S could be framed as self-destructive. Especially when you consider all the injuries and strife surrounding it. I think if the characters were to come to this conclusion at some point (with or without quitting yet) it may make sense plot wise since the whole political scandal/jail thing makes me nervous about S continuing. Considering that Tadashi is the main man in charge of keeping cops away and he currently wants to end Adam’s time there, I wouldn’t be shocked if a confrontation with the law happened there like it almost did that one ep when the race got interrupted.

Oh and don’t worry about rambling at all! I love any long analysis on Sk8. Plus, I can get like that too and definitely edited this to make it more understandable lol.

Yeah, I would love Adam/Tadashi, but I feel like Adam/Langa is more likely. (And technically, Tadashi beat Adam by 2 seconds, though Adam also wasn’t taking it seriously then.) Though I do feel like Langa is probably at a level that Adam finally can skate all-out against him, if it comes down to the two of them.

When Adam insults Tadashi, I feel like it’s coming from all those years of resentment/lost trust (again, not an excuse for Adam’s behavior, but an analysis of it), and I also feel like Tadashi feels that he deserves them (and he himself sincerely believes that he’s below Adam). It’s obvious to me that Tadashi feels guilty for contributing to making Adam what he is today/for not standing up for or supporting him when Adam was younger, and he has been trying to make up for it by obeying Adam completely, no matter what he personally thinks. Because he couldn’t voice his opinion when Adam’s board was being burned, which was probably one of the most painful/significant experiences Adam has ever had, he feels that he doesn’t have the right to voice his opinion now: all he can do is try to pull Adam away from the self-destructive path that he’s on by betting his ability to skate on a race. In terms of skill, yeah, they’re equal, but in their interpersonal dynamics, there’s a huge gulf, which I think would make it very difficult for Tadashi to “save” Adam because Adam has lost all of his respect for Tadashi or his opinions.

I don’t think that Reki will end up not skating against Adam. But if he did, I don’t think that’s enough for Langa to refuse as well. My scenario for Langa forfeiting is that Reki gets wrecked against Adam, which outrages Langa and/or makes him have to choose between going to the hospital with Reki or staying to skate with Adam, and he chooses Reki over Adam. To me, Reki’s growth would come from the parallels between the two times that he skates against Adam: in the first, he’s completely crushed by the difference in ability and runs away, and in the (theoretical) second, he accepts that he will never be a star skater, but he can still enjoy skating even if he doesn’t win.

And I frankly was really pissed by Reki trying to force Langa to promise not to skate against Adam. Yes, he has a reason for it and he’s worried about Langa, but what about Langa’s own feelings? It’s obvious that Langa has fun taking on challenges, and Adam is the ultimate challenge, not just for him, but also for everyone else. If we want to talk about it in terms of relationships, which it seems most of the fandom does, I saw that as a possessive partner trying to forbid their partner from going out and having fun with their friends. Would Adam be a terrible “friend” to hang out with? Absolutely. But if Langa enjoys spending time with him, what gives Reki the authority to forbid him from doing so? So if I’m being entirely honest, my opinion of Reki plummeted after Episode 5 and just kept going downhill until the most recent episode. xD

I don’t think that “S” itself was particularly dangerous initially, other than for Shadow. Most of the skaters that we see seem to play fair and engage in contests of pure skill, even though it’s always been an “anything goes” sort of thing. Of course, it could be because the best skaters won’t get thrown off by petty tricks so it’s not worth trying them, but in the end, the result is the same. It’s only when Adam reappeared on the scene (from other people’s reactions, it seems clear that he’s been missing for a while since nobody could capture his interest) with his Langa-obsession that he started to contribute his own brand of madness, but that’s limited only to him. Unless someone is skating against Adam or Shadow (or that gang in the prelims), the majority of races are just normal races on a challenging track. Yes, they’re illegal (though it boggles my mind as to why: can’t Adam just buy it and turn it into “private property” so that he can do whatever he wants on it?) (though I guess it’s understandable since buying it would be a matter of public record and he’s keeping his skating life and public life separate) (but then can’t he get someone else to buy it for him?), but part of the attraction of skating is developing new things (like when Reki is gushing about ollies) and figuring out how to “skate anywhere,” so challenging locations like an abandoned mine and factory are places that people can do that. Like taking a turn with what Miya/Reki did by riding the board sideways, and improving on it by instead using a Caspar Slide. Or the various ways Langa goes through the factory (dropping down a broken beam, skating down the railing, using Joe’s momentum on the other beam to push himself forward, etc.). I think that Adam must have chosen that place for a variety of reasons, but one would have been its ability to promote improvisation/the evolution of skating in the hopes that he could find someone who would excite him. Which is why he’s so disappointed by Cherry’s “overcalculated”/boring skating.

After Adam gets arrested, though, I think that “S” will shut down simply because it’s Adam’s influence that’s kept the police away for so long. Tadashi takes care of the logistics, but that’s because that’s what Adam’s told him to do. But I don’t think Tadashi will betray him just to get it closed. (I also don’t think he phoned it in the first time, as I’ve seen other people speculate. I do think that the explanation is as it was presented: the prosecutor was suspicious about an area that was taken out of the patrol route, so she used her authority to override Adam’s bribes.) We’re talking about someone who will go to jail for a crime he didn’t commit to protect his boss. He’s not going to call down the police and risk them getting caught up in the net and in trouble.

[hunflowers]

MYTHOLOGY (I)

Word Count: 6.4k

Requested? Not exactly, but you always can here :)

A/N; OMGGG it’s finally here. I’m sorry for the long wait but I really hope you all enjoy the first part of demigod!Harry. And listen, I’m gonna be honest, this part is probably a little boring bc this is all about background/the past leading to the present, so pls bear with me because i promise it’ll be good! Anywho onwards to the story, have fun! *nose boops* 

tag list: @thicksniall @meetmeinfleetwood @afire-hes @pradaxstyles @c-h-e-r-r-y-y @gotmyhandonmyheart @burberryharold @harrymoncheri

Life is a funny thing.

Everyone thinks they know who they are and how their life is going to pan out. There’s a meticulous planning to life that people try to control; a plan that decides where they end up, who they end up with, and how happy they end up. But it’s so far out of everyone’s control, and not a single person could claim they were successful.

Calista thought for once she was in control, that maybe if she took matters into her own hands, everything was going to go the way she wanted.

And everything was starting to look up.

From birth to present, her life has always been one filled with uncertainty. Uncertain about where she was going to live, if she was going to eat, if she’d ever find a family that would love her. All her life she wished for something to go her way, for something to go right instead of left.

When she hit the turning age of eighteen, things did start to look up for her. All her life she’s been on the lower level standards of society, grazing by, by the skin of her teeth. She figured her life was doomed from the start considering she never really had a true family, or a true support system.

As a baby she was left on the doorstep of some random woman’s house, and then that woman handed her over to the nearest orphanage, which then turned her over to the foster care system. From the moment she was born she hadn’t been wanted by anyone, not even her own parents, and all her childhood was between homes and ignorant foster parents who hardly ever cared for her existence, but rather the check she brought in for them.

A person’s childhood is meant to represent the happiest portion of their life. Being able to look back on memories that last forever, memories that weld nostalgia, and memories that you’ll forever hold close to your heart. 

This wasn’t Calista’s case. 

For Cal, all she can remember is the constant bullying from foster siblings because of her innate ability to be a good student; The constant slaps and kicks and punches thrown her way because she was too slow to stop them; The never ending verbal abuse of being alone with no friends.

Every day she went to school and wished she could never leave, because at school people at least left her alone. No one cared to talk to her so that meant she didn’t have to deal with anyone, and she liked that more than anything. It was going home that was the problem. There were plenty of times she contemplated running away, finding a home that would accept her, but she always talked herself down, saying one day these people will be nice to her. She had high hopes and tried to see the best of every situation, but time after time she was let down when she was pushed into a wall or tripped on the sidewalk.

The last home she was in before she turned eighteen had been the worst of them all. Every night she cried herself to sleep, and prayed to whoever would listen that she needed to be saved, that she shouldn’t have to live her life like this and that hopefully one day, things will start to look up. Then they did, and it was incredibly shocking. Cal was awarded a full ride scholarship to the University of Cambridge, a goal she’d never think she would achieve. The moment she got the news she made sure to put in extra hours at work and even get a second job so the moment she graduated high school she could leave, and head straight for England.

She had been tempted to tell her foster parents, to see if maybe they would be happy for her, but every time she tried, they shot her down and forced her to do work around the house or banished her to her room for the night and left her starving. No words could ever properly convey how excited she was to put this part of her life behind her, to start somewhere new, and to hopefully make better memories along the way.

So, her eighteenth birthday passed and high school graduation flew by, and before she knew it, she was packing up without a word to anyone, and moved away. She didn’t really have a plan as to what she would do once she got there, but anything was going to be better than her old life.

Calista had bounced around a few motel rooms over the course of a couple months before she moved into her dorm room, keeping herself busy with a few different jobs to try and save up a bit of money. Even here it was difficult trying to stand on solid ground, and she can’t say she expected much else with the cards she’s been dealt in life, but with this new start she figured it would be at least a little better than life back over the ocean.

Then the unexpected happened.

She made a friend at the restaurant she had been working at.

Trinity Kim, the bestest friend Calista could ever ask for. Usually, when people talk of soulmates, they talk of significant others. If anyone were to ask Cal who her soulmate was, she’d say Trinity, Trin for short. 

It’s almost as if they were destined to be friends. They were alike in every way possible, but they were also so different which kept things interesting. For example, they both had lived pretty tough lives before meeting one another. Though Trin wasn’t in foster care her whole life, her father and step-mom had been involved in her life so little that she nearly forgot they ever existed. Their biggest connection had been that they never had met their birth mothers, which at first was oddly coincidental, but now, a few years later, it was strangely comforting for them to have something so deep in common. It’s hard to relate to people who have stable homes, because for Calista, well, she doesn’t; And not that she wants people to feel the way she does, but for some reason, when she found out Trin had a bit of a messed up life too, it helped her feel not so alone in this scary reality.

Then they found out they’re actually going to the same University, and that’s when they knew they’d be inseparable. Because what’re the odds of that? 

Adapting to this new lifestyle was a rollercoaster for Calista, not that she expected any different, but three years later, she still found life a little overwhelming from time to time. Though this life was infinitely better than her one back in the states, it didn’t stop her underlying insecurities of not fitting in anywhere. She has Trin, and the few other friends she’s made over the years, but no matter where she was she never felt this sense of… belonging.

A lot of people she knew at school were business majors, looking to go into finance and everything else associated with the program, because they were trying to build stable careers. Calista on the other hand invested her life into the classical studies program, because for some reason she had this weird fascination with ancient life ever since she was a little girl, finding Greek and Roman life to be so interesting. It wasn’t a popular major, and people she told always tried to bring her down because of it, claiming she’d never get anywhere in life knowing stuff about mythological gods that never existed.

She’s learned to grow a tough exterior, not letting people and their dumb criticisms get in her way anymore. She’s a blooming adult, and she’s learned the hard way that sometimes people are just mean for the sake of being mean, so she’s put on her big girl pants and sticks up for herself now, never giving anyone the chance to walk all over her anymore.

Trinity has also helped Calista in boosting her self-confidence, giving her that little push to bite back at people that bark. There was one time they were at a party, and a girl came up to Calista, claiming she had been flirting with her boyfriend - and truth is, she had been, but she wouldn’t have if she knew he had a girlfriend - and when she starting calling her names, Calista spat right back at her, telling her to get a better boyfriend if this one was flirting with other women, and that maybe she should get a better taste in men.

Normally, Cal would’ve just apologized and moved on, but she’s so sick of people thinking they could just say or do whatever they want to her.

That’s why on one special night, Calista’s life changed forever.

She had been coming home from work with Trin, their job only a few streets away from their shared apartment, so they walked. It had been a nice night out, the moon in its crescent phase, glistening in the indigo sky, accompanied by a few scattered stars. It was a night just like every other one, until it wasn’t.

“Trin, I’m telling you, Niall likes you.”

“Please! He likes you, I know he does.”

“How could he like me, if he’s told me himself that he likes you?” 

Trinity paused in her steps, halting Calista a few steps ahead of her, looking over her shoulder with a confused look. Trinity was looking around, as if she saw something Calista didn’t, a worrisome face etched into her features. “Trin?”

The situation wasn’t helped by the fact they were in a more remote part of the city, no cars or people around at this time of night. They were both too poor to afford a car, hardly getting by with their rent money, and this is when that lack of money would bite them in the ass. The weird part was, Trin didn’t really seem unnerved about her surroundings or anything, she just looked confused. That’s when Calista saw something move in the corner of her eye, or someone actually. They appeared from the alley a few feet away, as if that wasn’t creepy at all, and stood beneath the streetlamp that hovered above them, illuminating a dull golden glow around them. 

There were two people, a boy and a girl watching the two friends, hands at their sides, holding some sort of… weaponry. It was hard to tell, but from a distance it almost looked like they were holding swords. All Calista could think about, rather than her fear of being killed, is who uses a sword anymore?

Their faces seemed oddly recognizable even though she’s pretty sure she’s never seen them before. Yet, she felt like she knew them. Though, it seems Trin does when she speaks nonchalantly to them, shoulders relaxed in relief of it not being some crazed serial killer. “What the fuck do you guys want?”

The girl ignored her, keeping her dark eyes fixated on Calista, skimming the length of her body in disgust, a grimace resting on her features as she rolls her eyes at Calista just simply standing there. “We were told to relay a message to you.”

“And this had to be done at ten at night, next to an alley?” Trin deadpanned, crossing her arms over her chest. Cal stood off to the side, lost out of her mind as the three bickered back and forth for some odd seconds, wondering what in the hell was going on. She still couldn’t even pinpoint where she knew these people from.

Not to mention, she was still beyond confused about why they had fucking swords.

The boy caught her eyeing the metal, pushing the material of his jacket back a little bit so the silver shined under the streetlamp, either showing it off or trying to taunt her. Yet, her only response to that was an eye roll and a tap of her foot as she continued to ache from her six hour shift. It was weird how she didn’t feel at all threatened in this situation, but something in the back of her mind told her that if it were to go south, she’d be okay. Maybe not, she’s hardly ever been violent in her life, usually taking pain but never giving it.

“Tell her yet?” The girl jutted her head in Calista’s direction, again eyes raking her body with a look of disgust written on her lips.

“No, they said not to,” Trin replied, side glancing to Cal quickly, praying in her mind the curly haired girl didn’t ask questions when they left. 

The thing about Trinity is that although to Calista, her appearance in her life seemed completely natural and as if they bonded purely on their backgrounds, that wasn’t completely true. For three years Trinity has been keeping the biggest secret of her best friend’s life and it’s been eating her alive ever since the small age of thirteen. When she was younger, she was told about how her future was meant to unfold with the mystery girl from across the atlantic, and how she was sworn to secrecy because it could end both of their lives if any wrong person found out the truth.

It was a lot for a thirteen year old to take in, but Trin knew she had to be strong.

But, when word got around that Calista was making her way over, that’s when Trinity was told to ease the girl as slowly and painlessly as possible into her righteous lifestyle. Trinity though, couldn’t grow the balls to ever do that, always fearing that she’d cause pain to her newfound friend and that -- from personal experience -- finding out the truth can be very, very difficult. So she hasn’t told her about her true history, and she’s felt awful about it.

Though, due to Cal’s impeccable speed, she beat her friend to the answer of that question,  “Tell me what?”

The short blonde girl looked to her opposer, a smirk sliding across her lips before she glanced up to the guy, nudging his arm with her elbow. “This is gonna be good.”

“Can someone tell me what’s going on right now, or?” Calista pressed, looking at all three of them, no one jumping to give her the answer she had been looking for, for the past five minutes.

Trinity looked nervous, gnawing at her bottom lip as she seemed to be in pain with whatever was going around inside her mind. Her lack of talking spoke volumes louder, though; Because her silence meant she was keeping a secret. It was hard to gauge whether or not the impact this secret would have, but a secret was a secret, and Calista hates secrets.

Her whole life had been nothing but a secret considering she had no idea who even birthed her, or if she had any family that was maybe looking for her, or what day she was even born on. Her declared date of birth was the day the woman found her on her porch. She had secrets up the wazoo, and anymore was just bound to break her.

Again, Trinity wasn’t the one to speak up, as now the guy decided to open his mouth, “What do you know about Greek mythology?”

Calista was taken aback by the question, stumbling around in her mind how that was at all relevant. It was also oddly concerning a question so random held so much relevance in her life considering her studies focused around this area of history. “Uh… why?”

“Don’t listen to them, Lis,” Trin interjected, taking a small step forward between her friend at the two a few paces away.

“Well, if you’re not going to, we will,” the girl retorted, now taking her own step forward. From the looks of it from Calista’s point of view, any more hostility verbally, those weird fucking swords of theirs were going to come in handy. And even though she had the slight fear of being impaled to death, something inside of her sparked some sense of nobility, going to stand next to a frustrated Trinity.

“I think someone should tell me something soon before I lose my mind.”

“Well, c’mon then Trinity, tell her. Mr. Cirillo said you have twelve hours, or we’re coming back and doing it ourselves; That’s why we’re here,” the girl shrugged, picking at the chipped black nail polish on her thumb.

Trinity scoffed, rolling her eyes, “Why wouldn’t he just tell me himself?”

“Because he’s tired of telling you and you not listening,” she spat back. “Look, I’d rather her not know either, because I don’t need any more competition for my title, but there’s apparently been a threat, and we need all the hands we can get in case a war breaks out. Plus, it’s unfair for her to keep living a lie. Twelve hours.” And then they walked back into the alley, and disappeared as if they hadn’t been there in the first place.

Calista’s mind was swirling down a very long drain to say the least. A war?Living a lie? Competition for a title? None of it made sense and she wasn’t sure if it ever would. Silence fell upon them the moment they started their journey back home again, not that she knew what to say. She had so many questions buzzing around her brain that she didn’t even know where to begin. Who even were those two? 

And what the fuck was Trinity keeping from her?

The second they stepped through the door of their apartment, Calista flopped herself down on the couch, clutching her head as a migraine began to seep its way into her problems for the night. She didn’t want to be the one the break the thin ice they’d been itching their way across for the past fifteen minutes, but as Trinity paced around, biting at the tip of her thumb, clearly lost in her own thoughts, Cal figured she’d better be the first to speak before she bursts at the seams from anticipation. “Trin, help a girl out, what the hell is going on?”

She stopped her walking, head snapping to the side as her eyes frantically observed the sitting girl that was pushing her sweaty hair back from off her forehead. Whenever everything was dealt with, they seriously had to talk to their landlord about the excessive heating in their flat. It was as if they still had the heat on even when it was blazing outside. 

Trinity took a breath, closing her eyes shut for a brief moment before collecting herself and sitting down on the available leather cushion. “I need to start this off by saying I’m sorry.”

“For wha--”

“Please… just let me finish.”

Calista nodded her head, silently agreeing to let her continue, slowly bracing herself for whatever was bound to be revealed. This deep pit nestled in her stomach, gravity weighing her down as anxiety built up inside pouring out of her as she continuously carded her fingers through the ends of her knotty hair.

“I’m so fucking sorry for lying t’you, and for keeping shit a secret -- even though I was told to -- and I need you to know that it has been my fault for you not knowing any sooner than tonight.“

“You’re really sca--”

Trin gave her a pointed look, causing her to shut her mouth nearly immediately. “Do you… remember when Damien, uh, the guy from before, asked you about Greek mythology?” Calista nodded her head in remembrance, choosing to keep her mouth shut in fear of being told to shut up again.

“The reason he asked you is because, well, it’s not exactly a myth. It’s quite real and well, you’re a part of it. And by that I mean uh… you’re the daughter of the goddess Athena.”

❊ ❊

Calista couldn’t fall asleep that night. 

She laid in bed, covers pulled up to her chest as she stared up at the ceiling, hands resting on her chest as the last of her tears dried on her skin. Her mind hasn’t given her a moment to calm down, thought after thought popping up as question after question runs around, giving her feeling after feeling of all different types of emotions.

She wasn’t happy, that much was for certain given the circumstances. I don’t think anyone can have their life flipped upside down so drastically and be happy about it. But, she wasn’t exactly sad about it either. It’s not everyday someone finds out they’re a literal demigod. Truth is, she doesn’t really know how to feel, because how does one feel when they find out why her life turned out the way it had?

When she came to college, this wasn’t the Greek life she imagined herself joining.

Her mother, Athena, goddess of wisdom, warfare, and handicraft met her father twenty-one years ago. Her father wanted nothing to do with her and well, Athena couldn’t exactly be a proper mother with her god duties and such, so Calista was left alone. It’s said that her mother watches over her everyday, but if that were true why would she allow her daughter to lead such an awful life?

When Calista was thirteen, supposedly people had come to her house to take her to her awaited lifestyle, something she never knew happened. But, her foster mother at the time told them she didn’t want to go with them and that she was happy where she was -- which was a complete lie, because that woman most likely slapped her five minutes prior. Conveniently, not even two weeks later Calista was transferred to a different home because the woman couldn’t take care of her anymore. 

This explains her interest in classical studies, considering she’s technically part of those studies, but her choice to Cambridge was a complete chance, in Trin’s words. But, when news spread that she was coming over seas, that’s when these people felt it was finally time to reel her in. Calista isn’t exactly sure who these people are, because Trinity was pretty vague in her explanations, but from what she can gather, they’re other demigods and mythological creatures and whatever else that are part of this life.

Aside from this whole new truth being exposed to her, the thing battling with her most is what she’s gonna do about Trinity. She’s her best friend, she loves her more than she loves herself, but she can’t put aside the fact that she literally kept the biggest secret of her life from her, because she wasn’t ready to tell her. Trinity was being selfish, and Calista doesn’t know what to do.

All her life she’s dealt with people being the worst to her, and for once she thought someone was different. Turns out, everyone is a liar and chooses to be the worst possible person in front of her. It’s this constant tug of war going on in her brain, that she’ll never be good enough for anything or anyone, and the moment she accepted that, she got Trin. But of course, that was ripped right from her, just like everything else.

Fuck, she’s not even good enough to be a demigod.

The following few days they had hardly spoken to one another. Calista because she was still holding this frustrated anger within her that she’s not exactly certain how to express without blowing her top; And Trin, afraid to get her head chewed off with a promising breakdown following on her part. They were walking on eggshells around one another, to the point they sort of avoided each other to the best of their abilities in their small apartment.

The first time they genuinely spoke was when Trinity said she had to bring Cal to a discreet location where she’ll get more answers from people that know just a little bit more. It was explained though that this is where Trinity ventured off to in the summertime when she went away on “vacation.” Vacation just simply meaning travelling to this camp/school site where she trains and learns more about her true heritage.

It’s hard for Calista to understand what exactly she’s training for, but she guesses that’s why this little trip to this place is necessary.

When they arrived, she was in pure awe at the inspiration of old Greek architecture, noticing the ionic columns lining the front of the big building. Μυθολογία was nestled into the marble, the translation from Greek meaning Mythology, which Trin had mentioned at some point that the name of this place was simply named Mythology because that’s what all of this is supposed to be.

A myth.

“This is where everyone basically sleeps and where we train if it’s raining. There are also a few offices for like, the ancients, so,” Trinity explained, walking them up the set of steps that led them to the main door.

Calista could hardly pay attention to what her friend was saying as she gawked at the intricate and beautiful layout of the foyer in front of her, admiring the various statues and paintings that contained her… mother. “She’s a beautiful woman, isn’t she?” A voice spoke behind her, causing her to whip her head around, coming face to face with an older man that had greying hair and a few wrinkles lining his face.

Oh, and one eye.

“Stunning,” she replied, taking one more look at the goddess before giving her full attention to the man.

“I’m Mr. Cirillo. It’s an honor to meet you, Calista,” he stuck his hand out, which she grasped in her own, shaking it firmly, trying not to stare too hard at the fact that he has one eye but she also doesn’t want to be rude and not give eye contact.

She gulped, taking a look at Trin who was busy on her phone, before smiling softly back up at the tall man. “I’m sorry… I’m still trying to wrap my head around all of this,” she apologized, taking in a deep breath and looking at the few people that walked by them in the foyer, making an awkward eye contact as they started whispering to themselves about her.

Great, even when she’s meant to fit in, she still can’t.

“Believe me, it would be more concerning if it wasn’t a lot to take in. I’m not going to overload you just yet, Trinity will be showing you where you’ll be staying and then head to the cafeteria, you must be hungry from the ride here,” he suggested, placing his hand on hers and Trin’s shoulders, guiding them in the direction they were meant to be.

Then, Trinity was taking her hand, leading her up the grand staircase in front of them, leading them down endless hallways to finally get to their shared room. It was a decently sized room, half of it clearly inhabited by Trin as it was messy and had a few of her signature posters lining the wall. The other half however was very empty, only adorned by the full size bed and wardrobe and small nightstand table. “You’ve been set as my roommate since I first moved in,” Trinity spoke quietly, picking at her fingernails as she sat on the edge of her own bed.

Calista nodded her head, setting her suitcase down next to her bed. Walking over to the window seat, sitting herself down on the soft blue cushion, overlooking what must be a courtyard as across from her just seemed to be more rooms that were down a different hallway. They both sat in silence for some odd minutes before Calista took the plunge and said, “I just wish you told me.”

Nearly immediately Trinity responded, jumping up from her seat and padding over to her friend, standing a couple feet away. “I’m so sorry, Lis. I have no good reason to explain why I didn’t, but I regret it so fucking much. I shouldn’t have been selfish and I need you to know I’m just so, so sorry. I probably screwed up your trust in me, but I’m going to do whatever I can to fix this.”

Both of their eyes watered, emotions flooding through both of them as they wind up in a few more moments of silence. They’ve never not talked or hardly ever got in fights, and by this point, they were both just sick of the never ending silence and wished everything could just go back to the way it was. But, it can’t, though they’ll both do everything they can to resume some sort of normalcy and hopefully repair this strained relationship.

Calista looked to her friend, nodding her head in a silent acknowledgement that she knows she’s going to try hard, and stands up to bring her in for a hug. It was the most awkward hug of their life, but it definitely was a start. They both cried a bit, but when they separated they raised their hands and wiped away each other’s tears, laughing a bit to themselves.

Sniffling, Trin stood straighter, gesturing around the room, “Alright, well this is our lovely humble abode. You can do whatever you want to your side and uh… Oh! These small little statues,” she pointed to the small sculptures that were in little cubbies by the window, “are our mothers. So, y’know, Athena is on your side and Artemis is on mine. As if we don’t see their faces around here enough, but honestly I think it’s so no funny business can go down in our rooms because, well, our parents are watching which is weird.”

“Trinity Kim, has any funny business gone down in this room?” Calista questions, raising her eyebrow at her friend. She immediately turned red at the inquiry, turning hot on her heel and over to the door. “C’mon, let’s get some food before it’s all eaten.”

Calista gasped at her blatant avoidal of the question, “Trin!”

❊ ❊

There were a lot of people around. A lot more than Calista could expect.

And surprisingly, aside from when she first entered and people were whispering about her, a lot of people were completely welcoming. She was the talk of the town apparently, everyone knowing who she was and crowding around her to introduce themselves. She felt bad since she had not a clue who any of them were but it seems none of them cared.

The thing that surprised her most was to see Niall, another friend of hers and Trin’s that went to school with them, here. It makes her wonder who else she knows from school that’s here.

And apparently Niall is the son of Poseidon? Which is pretty fucking cool, and explains a lot about him, like his obsession with pool sports. Or, just water in general. 

But, now that she knows Niall’s here, she wonders if he’s who’s been in her room with Trin. She tried to pry it out of her friend before, and she was so close to getting an answer, but then Niall came over to them and she immediately shut up. 

She also saw those two people from the other night, Damien and Wren, that sat by themselves in the corner of the grand room, seeming completely uninterested in anything that involved everyone else. Trinity had explained that they think they’re better than everyone else here so they hardly take time out of their day to engage with others. 

Damien’s Zeus’ son, so because his father is Mr. Almighty, he basically thinks he holds that same title, when in reality he’s just a dickhead. He’s mediocre at best at combat, with or without weapons, and is just plain rude and egotistical. Wren is the daughter of Ares, so she thinks she’s something special because she’s the best female fighter this place has ever seen. Which, it’s pretty cool to be the best, but that doesn’t mean she has to be a bitch about it.

Their whole dinner, Trin and Niall tried giving her the scoop of everyone deemed necessary -- their words -- but one person in particular stood out to her. He was on the opposite side of the room, and even though he’s sitting at a table, it looks like everyone sitting with him, is there just because he is. Calista could admit it is difficult to not pay attention to him, his vibrant smile and glowing aura drawing anyone to him.

His name’s Harry, and according to Niall, he’s the best male soldier this place has ever seen. It was hard for Niall to admit it, but he can’t avoid the truth. Unlike Damien who despised Harry for it, them two supposedly always going head to head about who was better. “Damien can never get the hint that he, well, sucks ass,” Niall digressed, sipping on his drink, raising his eyebrows in an ‘I’m not wrong’ manner.

It also doesn’t help Damien’s case that Harry is a genuinely nice guy. Aside from the battle field, Harry will go out of his way to help anyone, bringing joy and happiness to everyone around him. He’s the son of Apollo, god of the sun which makes sense since this guy basically radiates energy like he himself is the sun.

He was definitely someone she wanted to befriend, and she’s a little saddened he was part of the masses that had introduced themselves to her earlier.

“He’s right. A lot of people wish they were as good as Harry, but it sort of just comes, uh, natural to him,” Trin shrugs in agreement. Calista looks past her friends to take a look at him one more time, noticing he’s no longer sat at his table anymore.

But, then a voice speaks from right next to her, startling her and causing her to jump in her seat as she notices the guy suddenly sitting next to her. “You always know how to warm my heart Trin,” he smiles, placing his hand on his chest over where his beating muscle lies, before extending it out to the new girl.

“Hi, I’m Harry.”

Never mind, she’s happy again.

Calista takes his hand now, shaking it with a response of her name, all but falling in love with him immediately on the spot. How is someone allowed to be this good looking? It surely must be a crime.

“How’re you liking things so far?” He asked, keeping his eyes locked on hers and a small smile on his face, as if he was always such a happy person.

Calista swallowed, “I’m adjusting.”

“Understandable. It’s easy getting used to though, especially since you already have some friends here,” he smiled kindly, bringing his hand up to brush through the few fallen strands of hair that adorned his forehead.

“Well, look who finally showed up,” another person spoke from behind her, everyone’s eyes snapping towards the direction it came from. Wren stood at the end of their table, a cynical smirk plastered on her face as a bored looking Damien stood behind her. “Nice to see you again, Newbie.”

Though the tone in her voice suggested otherwise. So, Calista called her out on it, “Is it?”

Wren scoffed, rolling her eyes dramatically as a drawn out groan escaped her mouth. “Let me guess, they told you how I’m the biggest bitch around and that all I care about is staying at the top.”

Calista looked around at her silent friends, nodding her head in agreement, “Mm, yup.”

“Good, then we have an understanding. Don’t get in my way, and I won’t get in yours,” she grinned, placing the palms of her hands flat on the table as she leaned forward, her face about a foot away from Calista’s.

It was clear she was trying to be intimidating, her stern face probably scaring away anyone she laid her eyes on. Though, just like a few nights ago, Cal was far from scared. Something about this girl was far from threatening, so without a second thought, Calista leaned her face a bit closer, a small smirk of her own forming on her mouth. 

She didn’t like bullies, and she was tired of running away from them.

“And if I do?”

Wren’s eyes lowered into slits, her smirk dropping as her upper lip nearly raised into a snarl, clearly not enjoying the fact that someone wasn’t intimidated by her. 

“You’ll wish you didn’t.” And with that, she stood back up, skimming her eyes over Calista again before walking away, grabbing Damien by the wrist dragging him away from his little glare-off with Harry.

“Wow…” Niall, spoke up, looking around to his friends, “I hate them.”

“Oh my gods!” Trin gasped, pulling on her friend’s hands, tugging her nearly halfway across the table. “Lis, we’ve got Leaderships in a few weeks, you’re gonna beat her.”

Calista looked to her Trinity in confusion, scrunching her eyebrows together as to what the fuck she was talking about. “Um, what’s Leaderships?”

“It’s basically just ranking everybody in order of first line of defense to last,” Niall explained. 

“So, Harry here is the best male, and Wren takes pride in being the best female, but, I think with a couple weeks of good training, you can knock her right off that fucking pedestal of hers,” Trin continued, smiling with excitement and shaking Calista’s hands vigorously. 

It was a tempting offer. Being new and being the best sure had its perks. But, even though she can’t stand the girl, Calista can’t see herself surpassing Wren. That girl has probably trained her whole life to be where she is, there’s no way a new girl, who didn’t even know this place existed a couple days ago, can sweep in after a few weeks and take that position.

It was tempting, but it was near impossible.

“Trin, I don’t think that’s gonna be possib--”

“A few days ago you didn’t even think this was possible, yet here we are. Anything is possible, plus with help from us, and the fact you’re mother is the goddess of battle strategy, you’re destined to be the best. Right guys?” she turned to the two guys who were caught up in their own conversation, not paying attention to a thing she said.

Niall yelped in pain, his shin burning from the ferocious kick Trin delivered to him. “Wha’ was that for?!”

“Trin, why don’t you just beat her?”

She scoffed at the question in return, “I’ve tried. The bitch is a fucking cheater though, nearly sliced my achilles tendon in two.”

“So--”

“But, it’s time someone else takes a hold of that precious title of hers,” Trin finished, letting go of her friend’s hands now. 

“She’s right,” Harry spoke from beside them, looking away from them and to the corner the couple had resided back into. “Both of them think they run the fucking world, and it’s getting t’be a bit sickening.”

Looking back at the curly haired girl, he smirked, sitting up just a bit straighter, “Whaddya say, love, wanna be the best?”

The first thought that popped into Calista’s mind though, was how the fuck did her life change so much?

[jpehg]

Sam & Lu 200222 0143

I don't want to write about someone I just met over the internet. Not that I really don't. Trust me, if I had the chance and enough motivation, I would write about anything. It feels that it would be just a waste because my "works" need to be read by at least a single person, excluding me. I don't think they would find them pleasing. And I don't think these people would find them at all.

But it's the relativity of experiences that connects me with them- the university that we went in, the cities we discovered and learned, the paths we took that intersected at the wrong times. We were the two opposite sides of a Venn diagram, where a state of constants exists. We didn't just know it yet.

As I exchange stories with these strangers, I realize where we are the happiest; like when we meet our loved ones at the end of a big week, or when we receive genuine compliments from our siblings, or when our pets meet us at home. I realize the moments where we are filled with sorrow; like when our loved ones leave on Sunday (and eventually for good), or when we feel betrayed by the same people that we trust our lives with, or when our pets feel sick at home. I realize the mistakes, the rights, and the what ifs.

But one realization that I had over the course of this encounter is how I unknowingly had an obsession with speaking people's names. I counted the times I used this stranger's name- 86 times over two weeks. My previous lover called me by my name with less times over three years (I might be wrong).

I like to speak, or type their names to get a reaction. I think it's much more sweet, or intimate, when you refer to them properly as compared to the usual heys or what's up (arguable against "SKksksKSkskahHAhaka may chikka ako 👀" but you get the point)

It's ironic, how I hated my name. Until I didn't.

I vividly remember it, but it went something like this.

It involved two lovers who held hands, and other people around. A slight discomfort was present on her face. He knew that she was about to call his name.

"Huy" came out. Followed by his name being swallowed with a touch of annoyance and embarrassment. At least that's what it felt like to me.

And it was horrible, and unconvincing, that the most significant person in my life felt uncomfortable speaking my name. It is my name. And my name is my identity. All the different stories, my experiences, my achievements, and my failures are all me. And as far as I'm concerned, I was loved back then. And why would someone who loves me be ashamed of my name? Why would someone be ashamed of someone they love? Why would someone who loves me be ashamed of me?

I think this is the reason why I tend to say people's names when I talk to them, or make jokes around their names. I try to impart on them something that means a lot to me. I think this is why I speak of their names with great emphasis and repetition. I want them to think that their names are significant, and that I am proud of them, that I am not ashamed of who they are, that they are special, that their names should mean something of value to them. Because their names are their birthrights to their stories, their legacies- and I am here to let them know that I acknowledge their greatness even if they're not yet complete. Especially if no one would.

Names are made to be spoken. Names should be special. Because it takes two to acknowledge names and no loved person should be denied of hearing their names from others. No loved person should feel a big churn in their stomach when others struggle to speak their name. Because we are neither glass nor milk. We are everything else around the room. We respond when we are called. And although there are many like it, our names are ours. That doesn't make it any less special.

And it's funny how it took a stranger for me to realize this. Now I understand why one of my exes didn't want me to use "Huy" or "Hoy" when I call out to her.

These strangers eventually become friends we can relate to, sympathize even. And I don't know if it's just me, but these strangers bring about a certain change with how we look at life. I'm not sure if it's a coincidence of their presence, or the inevitability of healing from past wounds.

Because, I should be out with my friends right now. Or eating, or sleeping, or literally anything else. But instead, I'm out, 10:39 in the evening, at a nearby cafe, listening to Foo Fighters and Lola Amour. It's been a while since I laughed like an idiot, or swooned over photos of pets especially if they have their tongues out. I'm rediscovering and finding good music. Heck, I can't even believe I'm writing again. I'm not complaining. It's just that this is considerably a better place than the alternative. By a huge margin.

I don't want to write about someone I just met over the internet. Trust me, I really dont.

But with this, I just did.

Lovs.

--

PS. Would also like to take the time to thank the following people. Without them, this piece wouldn't even be here. Without them, I wouldn't even be here.

Shane, Jayjay, Seth, Kyle, Earvin, my loving mother who I always yearn for, and my three siblings.

I'm not sure if you get this often, but I appreciate you for offering sunshine when everything else went out. You didn't ask questions. You went and reached out, in your own ways. For that, I am eternally grateful.

[okay-victoria]

Love of My Second Life: Tanya & Romance

This is both my take on why, despite seeming like the easiest and healthiest relationship to write, TanyaxVisha is up there with TanyaxMary in difficulty level for pulling off successfully, what I’ve seen go wrong in fanfic so far, and what needs to make it/any romance go right.

Where to start, where to start...um, a warning, for obvious reasons I’m going to have to talk about sex.

The Age Difference

This has the joy of being a bit creepy on both ends of the spectrum! Yay.

Visha Being Creepy

Visha is probably 5 - 6 years older than Tanya. While as more mature adults that age difference is relatively negligible, Tanya being 17/18 and Visha being in her early 20s doesn’t make it suddenly a non-issue. If you and a coworker, both in your first job out of college, went to happy hour and you met his/her significant other and they were a senior in high school, would you feel good about that?

The age-of-consent laws in bygone eras may help your case for why in-story characters give a pass to such things, but it doesn’t really help explain it to your readers. Unless I’m missing something, no one is reading this story from 1920s/30s Germany, and so it needs to have the relationship explained in a way that tries to work for modern standards. Additionally, I think people tend to mix up age-of-consent with “people found this generally appropriate”. A 19 year old dating a 59 year old violates no laws in the United States, but that doesn’t mean that most people are going to consider it a loving and healthy relationship without any proof. Even your in-story characters are probably going to have some thoughts.

The final issue, from Visha’s end of the spectrum, is that even when Tanya is aged up to 18+ and has gained some secondary sexual characteristics, she is sometimes still presented as being an “eternal loli” who can be easily be mistaken for someone around 14/15, an age at which girls normally have some secondary sex characteristics, but distinctly immature ones. I imagine this problem stems from two places:

1) Scenes when Tanya’s lolidom is brought up are not the same scenes as the romantic ones, so the problem is not as obvious to the author and

2) Author forgets that “short+small boobs+doesn’t have wrinkles yet” does not actually result in people looking like they are mid-puberty. Without being really creepy, as women age, their breast tissue drops down and to the side, waist/hip/leg ratios change, and the face loses its baby fat, among other things. Writing that references Tanya as looking like a teen comes along with the unfortunate implication that she actually looks like she is still mid-puberty, and Visha...is into that, instead of being someone who is attracted to petite POST pubescent women.

These are all extremely fixable problems. Really, all an author has to do is make Visha acknowledge that it’s weird, and probably try to talk to Tanya about her reservations before she starts trying to seduce her. It’s the handwave that is the issue. For the last/puberty problem, unless there is some reason I probably don’t want to know about that the author only wants to write the relationship if Tanya looks 14, simply describe her as a petite but adult woman, and if you need to use her looking young as a plot point, have her make an effort to adapt her adult characteristics to suit or hope that nobody looks hard enough to tell the difference.

Tanya Being Creepy

While Tanya is physically the junior member of the relationship, mentally, she is the senior, and by a lot. Tanya knows this. While I don’t necessarily think Salaryman is the Earth’s most morally-pure man, I have a high enough opinion of him to think that he was not pursuing college girls when he was like 35. Tanya should also have a moment of thought over this, or the relationship needs to wait until Visha is closer to her late 20s, when she is approaching a similar level of life maturity that Salaryman would have felt was close to his own.

Even if you think that Salaryman’s logical side would have been eroded by his “but I’m a guy, I can’t help it, college girls are hot” side [I’m side-eyeing you], I think it’s very unlikely that living as Tanya, and being on the receiving end of that kind of stuff, wouldn’t make her reconsider her stance on it, at least a little.

I know, I know, Visha’s been to war! She’s not the same as some random college girl in 2020! While this is allowable as a partial justification, because it is true, it ignores a whole lot.

First off, maturity is not a straightforward drive. All parts of you do not mentally mature at the same time. If you want to write early 20s Visha as a mature-enough partner for Tanya, a bit of time needs to be spent on what Visha loses because of it - she never has, and never will, get to be that happy-go-lucky girl. While making fun of young women for being dramatic gossips, obsessing about non-serious things, etc remains a popular sport, thinking that you are doing Visha a favor by taking that time of her life away from her says pretty terrible things about how society values women’s relationships with each other. If you don’t mean for your fanfic to accidentally imply that, it’s something that needs some love & care.

Alternatively, you could write a story in which Visha, while being a competent adult, still gets space to explore her “girly” side. If doing so, you are going to have to make a really strong case for why Tanya is willing to put up with this, as Salaryman does not come off as someone who would judge it a good use of time & effort to be constantly letting his girlfriend rattle off about things he thinks are silly and immature - there’s a lot of other fish in the sea, why not find one that is a competent adult *and* isn’t often talking about things you don’t care about.

The Canonical Setup of Visha & Tanya’s relationship

Opposite Goals

In a nutshell, Tanya is presented as a person that wants to live a safe, boring, and non-notable life, is doing her best to get there, and is constantly failing and being stressed about it because she needs to figure out a new plan. Visha is presented as someone who has major qualms about Tanya as a human being, but has a nigh-worshipful respect for her heroic officer side.

This is a massive, and I mean MASSIVE problem. You absolutely cannot ignore that what makes the characters happy is diametrically opposed to each other. Can you overcome it? Yes, by slowly developing the characters towards a compromise, but you can’t just not acknowledge it and expect me to think this relationship has any hope of leaving both partners happy. Either Tanya never escapes her never-ending stress cycle, or she does, and the entire basis of Visha’s attachment to Tanya disappears.

This can be fixed by: 1) Tanya coming to terms with a new side of herself, one that wants to be that hero. This cannot just be a one-paragraph epiphany. Tanya is shown to hate when she thinks her internal self is being changed by her new experiences and she needs a lot of work to get to a point where she is willing to acknowledge this in herself.

2) Visha has to go through a rocky part where she second-guesses herself - she thought she wanted Tanya, but turns out, Tanya isn’t the person she thought she is? How and why does she decide that she likes the person Tanya has become? This is probably the easier route, but I think runs the risk of having an author have Visha *say* Tanya does all these other good things for her, but never really show it happening.

3) The happiest medium is probably one where Visha *mostly* adapts towards Tanya, so Tanya gets to live a quiet but not too quiet life, and Visha learns to love another side. As Visha is compromising more in this sense, a healthy relationship is going to include Tanya realizing what is happening and deciding to make an effort to appeal to Visha and not just be like “Take me as I am. Or don’t.” and Visha unilaterally decides to accept that.

Why Does Tanya want to be in a relationship with Visha?

Tanya betrays no actual emotional attachment to Visha in the light novels. While you can read in rationalization to the reasons Tanya gives to her actions, she herself does not believe that it is because of an emotional connection.

Canonically, Tanya is portrayed as liking Visha because of how well Visha passes the “usefulness” test. This brings up another MASSIVE problem - does Tanya, in any way, shape, or form, actually like Visha as an individual, or just  her ability to conform to the role Tanya wants her to play?

Look, I don’t need Tanya to be in LOVE with Visha in the way we usually talk about people being in love to believe that Tanya can be in a relationship successfully. I’m fully on board with a portrayal in which Tanya can’t quite summon that level of emotion. However, she needs to like and respect Visha as an individual person, and summon a level of emotion beyond friend with benefits.

IMO, it is really hard to do that without showing Tanya and Visha disagreeing on a major piece of Tanya’s philosophy and Tanya actually listening and responding positively to it, not simply agreeing to disagree because it isn’t worth upsetting her useful sidekick, or whatever. There needs to be character development of both characters - Visha finding it in herself to be comfortable rocking the boat, and Tanya having a compelling enough reason to change something that she has clung to for two lives.

Everyone wants to be a lesbian

While I get it, the Empire is not the exact same as Germany, and yes, I know that Weimar Germany was relatively sexually progressive, it’s really not something that a well-written romance should handwave.

“Weimar Culture” in many ways developed as a result of how WW1 went for Germany. If you have a story where WW1 doesn’t go that way for Germany, gay culture is unlikely to flourish to the same degree.

All that aside, Tanya isn’t someone that is going to easily shrug her shoulders and say “you know, sometimes you need to jeopardize your career for the sake of hot sex/love”. She’s pretty clear on which she prioritizes. A lesbian relationship is not going to help her here, and she’s going to be aware of it. She needs to struggle with that choice.

Visha not struggling to accept herself as a lesbian is also somewhat of an oversight. It’s pretty unlikely that a woman born in her time period would come to terms with that easily. Visha is also never shown being attracted to other women besides Tanya, which carries a weird “I’m only a lesbian for you” vibe that is like a gross parallel of a straight guy wanting a lesbian to be so attracted to him she can’t help it, she wants the D.

And now, we enter the realm of Tanya’s relationship with her identity and sexuality.

Tanya is shown to have mental qualms both about entering a straight or lesbian relationship in her new life. The reasons behind those qualms are not explored at all in the LN, but they should be in a story in which Tanya goes into a relationship.

No matter which path puberty takes her down, there is the issue of Tanya being comfortable having sex as a woman. Even if it is with another woman, it is not going to be particular similar to the way she had sex with women as a man. That type of thing is pretty tied up with our identity. Tanya hates having her internal, I haven’t changed identity threatened, and not being able to give sexual pleasure/needing to receive it differently is the type of thing that is probably going to come along with some emotional reservations on her part.

Again, sexual identity being a part of our overall identity, while Tanya may remain attracted to women, that means her identity is now as a gay person, not a straight person. Given her biases from both growing up in Japan and the state of gay rights in her new life, it would seem atypical that she would consider this a non-issue and it wouldn’t make her question her priorities or the type of person she thought she was.

But...The Sex?

Look, I get it, sometimes you wanna see certain characters bang. We’ve all been there.

While yes, I recognize that many humans make terrible decisions solely in pursuit of sex, and so it’s perfectly realistic to have Tanya and Visha do the same and say that’s why you’re handwaving everything else, it is an extremely lazy storytelling technique, especially since neither character seems likely to go to extremes for it.

Because people focus so much on sex appeal, unfortunately, they use it as a substitute for making a good case for the relationship. Visha/Tanya is so attracted to Tanya/Visha, that now they are willing to undergo character development, because the pulsing loins urge them to. Really?

Do at least some of it first, lay the groundwork for romantic attraction before you slam them with physical attraction. While it often works the opposite direction in real life, that undercuts the romantic side in fictional story-telling.

I also think that because of the focus on their attraction to each other, what ends up missing in all TanyaxVisha fanfics I’ve seen so far is the tension. That makes it boring, I don’t care about it, and the entire reason I don’t care about it is because the choice to handwave the inconvenient facts means there is nothing in the way besides Tanya being a dumbass, which you can only do for so long without it becoming boring.

They are both attracted to each other, and admit it to themselves. Neither sees any real problem with the relationship other than not knowing if the other person likes them, but they aren’t even hung up on it and mostly work on straightforwardly winning the other person.

When in doubt, blame it on The Patriarchy

As far as we know, Tanya isn’t pining for relationship, and never thinks about a romantic relationship from her old life. Combined with other things Tanya says, it is hard to imagine Salaryman ever had a “considering marriage” relationship - more like, he may have felt partnership had some desirable aspects, but probably never was able to compromise on his kind of extreme worldview enough to try to make it work with someone, just figuring he’d find “the one” one day that wasn’t going to make him compromise.

While of course, you should not need to change everything about who you are for a romantic partner to like you, saying “you should like me for me” and then putting in exactly zero effort to do things because you know they are important to your partner, even if they aren’t for you, is not one of the keys to a successful relationship.

While it is not a problem inherent to Tanya & Visha’s relationship like the above sections, it is a problem in all forms of how I’ve seen the relationship written. It fails to answer a fundamental question: WHAT CHANGED?

Why did Tanya want love/a relationship/a wife in this life, and not in her last? If she did want it in her last life, why did she successfully find love/a relationship/a wife in this life, and not in her last?

Unfortunately, skipping the answer to this question implies that nothing changed. The success is then entirely reliant and Visha, and that brings along with it a really ugly answer.

Visha’s professional I’ll-do-anything-for-you is equated to a personal I’ll-do-anything-for-you, and she very much accepts Tanya for who she is, through all the flaws that are definitely there and that presumably no woman in Salaryman’s life was willing to put up with. Tanya doesn’t have to undergo any character development to be capable of making the relationship work.

This has some really, really unfortunate undertones. It is the very reason why even legal-but-large age difference relationships often aren’t healthy, because the older partner, instead of trying to be someone capable of contributing to the life of someone their own age, decides it’s easier to find someone younger who doesn’t know better and is more willing to put up with their bullshit. That, then, turns into a creepy grooming undertone - you make the less experienced partner think this is normal.

It really isn’t normal or good that Visha should have to put up with a relationship in which she never discovers who she wants to be because she’s so caught up Tanya’s idea of how to live your life. That is borderline emotional abuse, I am sure no one intends it to be there, but without giving some serious treatment to character development, unfortunately, it is.

To me, this has some of the worst overtones of the worst types of male fantasy - My Manic Pixie Dream Girl is completely devoted to me, and instead of emotionally adding to her life and/or our relationship, she is completely fine with me substituting being a Strong Heroic Man who occasionally buys her Nice Things. She demands I change nothing of myself and completely agrees with my Logical Man worldview, no matter what she needs to change about herself to get there. She’s hot, and I get to simultaneously be a straight man and have hot lesbian sex. Even better, because she’s a “strong” woman who is capable in her own right, not only am I physically satisfied, but I get the ego boost of “earning” the submission and subordination of a woman who is better than most people, because she knows I’m better than her.

Honestly, the more I think about it, the grosser it gets, so as far as fanfic goes I just try to ignore it and understand that the authors intention wasn’t to bring along all this baggage. However, to truly write a good Tanya x Visha story that gets away from all these unfortunate implications is a big undertaking, and it’s really impossible for it to make for a compelling side-plot that doesn’t get much screentime.

I’m generally fine with handwaving issues for sideplots, but if Tanya is making decisions because of her relationship with Visha that are now affecting the main plot, it really isn’t something that *should* be handwaved.

Thanks for coming to my TED Talk.

[happyweddingblogs]

110+ Wedding Wishes and Messages for Friends

A wedding is a beautiful event that unites two people for the rest of their lives. It is a special occasion for both the bride and the groom, and they deserve to be showered with well wishes, messages, blessings, and love from their family and friends. Similarly, the wedding of your best friend is a significant event. You will undoubtedly want to find the appropriate words to wish them a happy married life and congratulate them on their special day. If you somehow can’t find the right message, here are a few heartfelt and thoughtful wedding wishes for friend that will undoubtedly come in handy.

Delightful Wedding Wishes for Friends

1. “Dearest friend, I am delighted at the news of your wedding! Congratulations as you embark on a new journey of your life. I wish you a happy married life!”

2. “Being married is like going through the seasons. Every day is different, but you enjoy them all because they are filled with love. May your life be filled with immense love and happiness!!”

3. “Congratulations on your marriage! I wish you not only a happy day but an entire life full of fun and enjoyment! My heartfelt congratulations, my dear friend.”

4. “I’ve seen how you two look at each other – it’s intense, and I wish it stays that way forever and ever, my dearest friends.”

5. “Best wishes, my dearest friend! I’m glad that you two found each other. You are an inspiration for people around you! May your happiness last forever!”

6. “Warmest wishes to both of you! Many congratulations on the next chapter of your life!”

7. “Congratulations on finally getting married! Your love for each other is so delightful and phenomenal that I wish you could always be happy like this!”

8. “What a beautiful day it was! Your vows were lovely; they truly expressed your feelings for one another. Congratulations for finding each other in this beautiful journey of life!”

9. “My friend, I can’t tell you how proud I am, seeing you becoming such a wonderful person and making such an important decision in your life. Congratulations on your wedding!”

10. “Seeing how excited you are about your wedding has inspired me to plan my own…. Just joking. Congratulations, and warm wishes for a happy married life!”

11. “I always knew that ‘t deny that you two were meant to be together, whether you believe in fate or not. Congratulations on your wedding day!

12. “May your marriage glisten like a star and serve as an example to others in life; happy wedding, stay happy, and congratulations to both of you!”

13. “I wish you all the love, all the care, all the happiness, and a bond that will last a lifetime. Congrats on your wedding!”

14. “May you have a wonderful married life ahead! Big Congrats to you!”

15. “Your husband is an excellent match for you. He loves you unconditionally while concealing all of your flaws while emphasizing your strengths. Now I understand why you decided to marry him in the first place. Congratulations.”

16. “Wishing you a magnificent ceremony filled with zillions of lovely memories!” Warm wishes to you and your new life partner.”

17. “Congratulations to the beautiful couples I know! Today, I wish you all the happiness your hearts could desire!”

18. “Congratulations, both of you! May your lives together be filled with love and happiness.”

19. “Congratulations to the soon-to-be newlyweds! Accept this new life with arms wide open and trust in God to shower you two with blessings and happiness!”

20.  “No amount of wishes or luck will save you from the agonizing life of slavery you are about to begin as a husband. In any case, congratulations.”

21. “Today, we honor the love that you share. It’s a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to witness your marriage on your wedding day. Greetings, my dear friend.”

22. “There is one thing you can give each other that is priceless: love. Everything will be fine as long as you keep it in your heart. So may your love for each other last forever! 23. Congratulations on your nuptials!”

23. “I hope you grow closer and your love grows stronger. Happy wedding!”

24. “Even when the seas of life are rough, may your enduring love for each other help you sail through. Big Congrats!”

25. “You were truly meant to be together. I couldn’t be happier for you as I watch you say, “I do.” Best wishes on your marriage!”

26. “Congratulations on your wedding and the beginning of a life that you have always been dreaming of! May your life be filled with countless moments and happy memories that you’ll  cherish for a lifetime.”

27. “I don’t mind confessing that you are the best and happiest couple I’ve ever seen; best wedding wishes to both of you. I hope you will never stop sharing your incredible joy with the rest of the people in your surroundings.”

28. “May your life be as joyful and magical as the love and bond that you two share! Wishing you a happy and prosperous married life ahead!”

29. “Marriage is more than just a beautiful union. It is a journey that will last until the end of your life. I wish you all the best for a successful married life!”

30. “Best wishes for your lovely wedding! “May your love endure forever!”

31. “Coming together in hope, bound by a promise, and bound in love.” Congratulations on your upcoming wedding! May your life be filled with love, joy, peace, and happiness!”

32. “Congratulations on your marriage, lovely lady! Thank you for introducing us to such an amazing friend; now we can finally get rid of you!”

33. “Some people are destined to be together. I can’t help but think that this is a match made in heaven as we celebrate your wedding day. Stay happy!”

34. “Marriage is a serious validation of your promise of love to your future companion. My warm wishes for both of you to have an adventurous life ahead!”

35. “Marriages are made in heaven and accomplished on Earth so that I could be present to witness this wonderful event in the lives of two of my closest friends. Here’s to a wonderful future together and a memorable wedding day. Cheers!”

36. “Congratulations on your wedding. Have a fantastic journey.”

37. “With heartfelt congratulations to an exceptional couple who have discovered their most precious moments in the happy life they share!”

38. “I can’t imagine two people more deserving of true love, happiness, and a lifetime of both. Congratulations to my closest friends on their wedding day!”

39. “A marriage is full of love and laughter, but it is your trust in one another that will strengthen and sustain your relationship.”

40. “I saw you saying a lot of warm words full of love and tenderness to each other. I hope you both never stop saying those words of love to one another. Congratulations on your wedding!”

Related:

Wedding Anniversary Wishes for Husband

50 Unique Wedding Quotes for Cards

41. “Congratulations on your marriage! Have a happy married life!”

42. “Congratulations on finally falling to life’s biggest myth – a happy marriage.”

43. “My heartfelt congratulations to you two on your wedding day, my dear friends. I wish you not only a wonderful day but also a life filled with unceasing joy, happiness, and lots of 44. love.”

44. “You look stunning today, my dear friend. I can’t help but admire it! May you always be this beautiful and happy! I wish you the best of luck with your wedding!”

45. “Today marks the start of a new and exciting chapter in your life. May you two remain in love for the rest of your lives.”

46. “You may be married, but you don’t need to be mature! Happy married life!”

47. “Wishing you a spectacular ceremony and a lifetime of wonderful memories!” Congratulations on finding your life partners on this happy day.”

48. “Life is such an amazing thing when you are with someone you truly love in life; I can see how happier you are right now. I wish you all the happiness in the world. Happy married life.”

49. “I’m happy to know that you’ve found your partner in crime. Warm wishes on your special day!”

50. “What a wonderful achievement for you both!! We all wish you the best on this special day, and we wish you a long and happy future. Congratulations.”

51. “Best wishes for a new beginning in life. Have a wonderful married life, and may you always love each other. Lots of love!”

52. “May your mutual love continue to shine forever, like a glistening star at night.” Congratulations on your marriage!”

53. “Marriage is a beautiful time in a person’s life when two souls begin to share one heart. Allow your love for each other to grow stronger with each passing day. I wish you the best of luck in your marriage.”

54. “My heartfelt congratulations to the lovely couple! Our best wishes are with you!”

55. “I can’t believe you’re getting married today. You both look stunning. Keep that love and those smiles with you forever.”

56. “Welcome to the perilous world of marriage. It’s too late to change your mind! Have a fantastic journey!”

57. “Don’t be nervous as you walk down the aisle before saying ‘I do,’ because you don’t have a choice. Best wishes!”

58. “Sending prayers and best wishes on your wedding day! May you two continue to love each other unconditionally and have a blessed life ahead of you!”

59. “Wishing you both the best.” Keep each other close, and let the love you share today shield you from all of life’s storms. Congratulations on your wedding, my friend!”

60. “Words can have several meanings. Today, your vows were filled with love. May it continue to be so as you enjoy your life together. Good Luck!”

61. “Wishing your marriage immense love, romance, and understanding. May your happiness last forever. Best wishes for a long and happy marriage, my friend!”

62. “Having all the right ingredients in a marriage is important! Make sure you keep a good track of all the important ingredients and have a blissful life ahead!”

63 “We are ecstatic to hear the good news! Best wishes on your new adventure.”

64. “They say that smiles are infectious, and I couldn’t help but smile today as I watched you marry your best friend. May your bond only grow stronger. Lots of love!”

65. “Best wishes for a happy married life, my dear friend; I hope you spend the rest of your life with your partner as happy as you are today.”

66. “Finally, you’ve found the best part of your next half; heartfelt congratulations on your wedding, and I wish you a long and happy married life.”

67. “Today is the best day of my life when I see you two promising each other a lifelong of support and love! Congratulations!”

68. “Life can be difficult at times, but being married ensures that you always have someone to lean on when you need loving encouragement. Happy marriage”

69. “May you be as content in four decades as you are now. Interaction, compassion, and understanding can get you through anything. I hope you maintain all that in your life ahead. Have a successful married life ahead!

70. “Today is a special day not only for you, but also for all of us because we all value your happiness. We wish you and your significant other the most glorious years of your lives together and that you can prove that true love exists.”

71. “Happy to see you two becoming one today. Congratulations on your lifelong partnership!”

72. “May your marriage be an exciting and interesting journey full of adventures and passion!” Congratulations on your marriage.”

73. “You and your sweetheart are one of the happiest couples I’ve ever seen. I hope you two never stop brightening everyone’s day with your incredible peace and happiness.”

74. “Real love grows stronger with each passing day. Your love is magnificent, and it will only grow stronger with each passing day that you are together.”

75. “Congratulations on finding a friend, lover, confidante, and crime partner for the rest of your life.”

76. “We all need someone to love, care about, and put our trust in. I’m extremely happy that my best friend has found this special someone. “Best wishes for a happy married life!”

77. “Values such as love, care, support, compassion, patience, and understanding are what makes a happy and healthy family together. I wish you all of these at your wedding. May your family prosper and serve as an example! “Happy marriage!”

78. “You both have dreams, but now that you’re married, you have dreams together. Best wishes for making your dreams a reality.”

79. “I’d like to congratulate the two most important people in my life. Always cherish your time together, trust each other, laugh with one another, and love each other always! Stay happy!”

80. “Congratulations on your upcoming wedding! May this day commemorate the beautiful union of two people who really love each other. May Lord bless you with all the happiness!”

Related: 110 Most Romantic Wedding Couple Quotes

81. “Today is the day you two will take the first step on a new journey together, vowing to always keep each other happy. God bless you peace and happiness!”

82. “Dearest friend, I can’t tell you how gorgeous you looked as you walked down the aisle in your wedding gown! Congratulations from the bottom of my heart!”

83. “We didn’t expect you to be so brave as to consider marriage so soon, but here we are! Congratulations on your new life!”

84. “There is nothing better than spending your life with the one who you love the most. Congratulations on finding a lifelong travel companion today. May your marriage be filled with joy.”

85. “The bond you share demonstrates the existence of true love. Congratulations, and may your love grow stronger in the coming years.”

86. “Two people, two hearts, and two souls come together to form the union known as marriage, which is a celebration of enduring love and understanding. Have a wonderful marriage, my friend!”

87. “When a loving couple shares their love, it is always multiplied. May you always find love and hope in each other’s hearts! Congratulations on setting up your loving family. Congratulations on your wedding day!”

88. “You are fortunate to have found such a beautiful soul to love. Your life together is just getting started; I hope your love grows stronger. I’m so glad you found each other because neither of you would be this thrilled if you hadn’t found the other half of your soul. Congratulations!”

89. “It gives me great joy to watch you two on your wedding day. I’ve never seen a happier couple, and I hope you stay this happy for the rest of your lives.”

90. “Marriage can be an unpredictable roller coaster ride, so buckle up and enjoy the ups and downs of this beautiful ride. Best wishes on your marriage!”

91. “Love is the sun that causes the flower of marriage to bloom. May this everlasting love between you two remain the way it is now! Warm Wishes!”

92. “Marriage is more than just a way to start a family; it is the start of a never-ending adventure that you will cherish every day. May the rest of your lives together be as happy as your wedding day. Happy wedding life, my dearest friend!”

93. “May the wedding that we all witnessed today be filled with joy, happiness, and good health. Congratulations and best wishes for the future.”

94. “I am happy to see you two finally settling down; I always knew that you two were inseparable in the first place! May you two love more, fight less, and always smile! I’m sending you lots of love!”

95. “It takes a lot of effort to build a strong foundation for a marriage, but once you do, it can withstand any storm.” Congratulations on your marriage, and best wishes!”

96. “As you enter a golden bond that is so full of love and strength, I would like to wish you all the joy and happiness in the world.” Congratulations on your wedding!”

97. “Dear friend, I’ve always known you liked to take chances, but I never imagined you’d take such a big one as marriage. I admire your spirit! Congratulations!”

98. “May your married life be full of love, laughter, and unforgettable memories. Best wishes on your wedding day, my dearest friend!”

99. “You are the sweetest couple I have ever known, and I wish you all the happiness in the world. “Best wishes for your married life!”

100. “I’ve never seen such a spark of love as I have witnessed between you two today. Congratulations on finding true love that you will cherish for the rest of your life.”

101. “Congratulations on this joyous occasion – your wedding! I wish your feelings for each other grow stronger with each passing year of your life together. Have a wonderful marriage, dear friend!”

102. “You are beginning to open new pages of your life, and I can’t wait to read them. Many Congratulations on your wedding!”

103. “Best wishes for your marriage; I wish you a life filled with eternal love and joy with your significant other.”

104. “Your love is invincible! There will be those who are envious of what you have in this world. Congratulations on finding love that is worthy of envy.”

105. “You both look incredible today, but what is even more incredible is the smile that has never left your face. Congratulations, and may you be happy for the rest of your life!”

106. “A wedding is a starting point; it is the point at which two souls become one. Congratulations, and best wishes on your adventurous life.”

107. “Joy and happiness are on their way to you both. May your relationship fulfill all of your heartfelt desires and keep you happy together forever. Best wishes on your wedding day!”

108. “Wedding – one of the most expensive events in your life, heralding the start of many more expenses such as shopping, gifts, daycare, schooling for children, and much more. Wishing you luck and lots of patience.”

109. “May the love that ushered you two together solidify your love for the rest of your lives. Dear friends, May you grow old together and enjoy each other’s long and happy company.”

110. “Dearest friend, heartfelt congratulations on your wedding. I am ecstatic to see you now have a permanent ATM. All of your shopping trips will no longer be fantasies! “Best wishes for your married life.”

111. “Marriage is an expensive affair; I hope you’re prepared to shoulder the expenses – just kidding! Best wishes for a happy married life!”

Wrapping it up…

Shower your dearest friend with these aforementioned 110+ wedding wishes for friends. Your friend will be overjoyed to receive such heartfelt wedding wishes from you!

Write lovely wedding wishes to your friend, and yes….. DO NOT MISS WEARING A MASK & STAY SAFE!!

[softlygentlymine]

Compersion & Spirals

Compersion. I’ve understood its definition for a while, and even felt it at times. Being confronted with it at the happiest moment of a friend's life is absolutely wonderful. This weekend I attended a Birthday party for Shifter’s long-term partner, we’ll call her Macaron, who we haved played with in a foursome. It’s the first time we had been introduced to their respective families, which was really special. What was more significant, was the advance notice that this wouldn’t just be a Birthday party, it was also going to be a surprise wedding.

～

About a week ago, or so, I had been messaging Shifter, explaining that Firestorm and I had been discussing polyamory more seriously. I explained to Shifter about wanting to explore that option with him, to ask if the door was open. He did say it was, but I didn’t get the impression it was a discussion that he’d been able to fully explore with Macaron. Ethical Non-Monogamy is one thing, Polyamory - feelings - is a lot messier in its nature, which not everyone can understand. It didn’t come to much of a surprise to receive the following message:

“[Macaron] and I have been chatting on the poly subject again. And she has cold feet about it and would like to keep it just sexy time fun for the time being. I’m sorry to have gotten your hopes up. But when the reality of it set in to [Macaron]. She questioned her ability to manage it. And I will always side with what she says.  Again. I’m so sorry”

It’s more than disappointing, and I tried my best not to feel too let down by the outcome. I tried to explain the feelings I am processing to Firestorm, to keep communicating how I am feeling, and to help him understand my reaction to other relationships as the bloom and wither.

“That's perfectly fine, I totally respect her concerns and am happy to oblige. There's no issues from me on that ”

“Yay.

I feel bad.”

“It's more important to love your wife in a way that respects her. I enjoy our time, and am open if she changes her mind, but respect her decision and will treat it as final ”

I think I handled the rejection well, and although I was not in love, it still hurts to cut short any potential romantic relationship.*

～

Cut back to the surprise wedding, we arrived as per the invitation, which was quite early as far as the festivities went. This meant that we arrived and met the Bride and Groom before most of their own friends and family had a chance to turn up. Seeing him in person after 2 months apart, it was amazing how the electricity returned, I couldn’t keep my eyes off him. It’s odd, because objectively he isn’t the most handsome man around, neither is he the fittest. There is a sweetness to his smile, and a depth of honesty in his eyes.**

Knowing this was a special day for the happy couple, I had already resolved to be demure, polite, and interact in a way that suited their introduction of us. I did not want to bring dishonour to their union in front of their families, what we share as consenting adults is none of their business. Just because I would like to behave differently with those I build a relationship with, doesn’t mean they would.

The afternoon passed somewhat quietly, being isolated with Firestorm and his children from the rest of the attendees, it taught me a lot of lessons around guest seating and structure of the event for keeping their interest. I am extremely grateful for the privilege of attending, as it means there are key elements I will try harder to ensure are completed for our wedding.

Keeping with their intent to break tradition, the bride and groom pulled up to the seating area in the same car, a lot of sentimental value attached to the ‘chariot’. The happiness was evident on both their faces, and I felt support, cherishment and love towards them as they walked down the ‘aisle’ together.

It wasn’t glamorous, but it was meaningful. Seeing the culmination of 15 years of life together, 14 years of engagement, was something so incredibly special to be a part of. It made me yearn for my own day later this year. It helped affirm my desire for meaningful connections, with my fiancé, and others who will come into my life.

Seeing Shifter and Macaron in their little bubble of disbelief that they actually completed their intention to marry from so many years ago was interesting. I’ve thought often about the significance of marriage, and that whilst it might not be necessary in the modern era to make the legal commitment, there is a declarative nature to it that I want to take part in. I also think through the injustice of the system itself, restricting the nature of marriage to only two people. The historical frame of monogamous culture restricting the rights and societal recognition of non-monogamous relationship structures is so wrong in my view, I wish there was more I could do to change this.

We left early due to Firestorm wanting to keep a regular bedtime for his children, but I dearly wish we had stayed longer, if only to gaze across the room and celebrate the happy couple. I am looking forward to the shoe being on the other foot, and shining as a bride in my own stead. Before my engagement, I had never fantasized about the big wedding scenario, and yet the closer I get to mine, the more I look forward to it.

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We are looking at purchasing our first home together. I’ll skip the financial rabbit-hole, and instead focus on how weird it is that this might actually happen. Our personal debts are not perfect, but there is hope that we might be approved and can begin the purchasing process. I’ve been filled with such a nervous energy. Firestorm has been calling the people who can make this happen. Hoping that the outcome of judgement is favourable to making our future a reality.

The location is interesting, as we have chosen to purchase significantly far away from the locations at which we both work. For the compromise in location, we succeed in value of the actual property offering. Better conditions of building, land size and keeping the price well within our budget. There is also the benefit of being nearer to Shifter and Macaron, just the other side of town.

I’m a little conflicted, because I have such a strong attraction to Shifter, and whilst that makes me more comfortable with the decision to purchase a property so far away, it’s not a factor I can rely on to guide my rational decision making. I will enjoy their friendship, but am unable to expect more emotional commitment.

The property comes at a time where we need our own privacy, our own space. We have spoken about it for some time now, and I really think that in the next twelve months we will start trying to fall pregnant. That’s a super intimidating challenge, partially for the life altering, no take-backs consequence of bringing a child into the relationship, and partially because it’s been a discussion for a number of years that I wasn’t ready. I didn’t even know if I wanted children for such a long time. It has absolutely helped having a partner who is so domestically inclined, I feel a sense of safety, that I will have someone who cares enough to be completely hands on with child rearing.

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*Spiral: This feels like all I’m good for some days, a quick lust, a fuck, and sent on my way because I’m not valuable enough to want more from. The difference between Shifter and Crowns (the married man who has pursued me at work) is that I can sense there is a reciprocal emotion with Shifter, and that he’s honouring the commitment to his wife, Macaron, to value her before all others. We still have an open door to playtime as well. I feel sad, but respectful of the decision he has made, and the promise he is keeping to her.

With Crowns...there has been a blatant sexual interest, a retraction and then lust that disobeyed his wife’s requests. I have reason to doubt that there was ever any discussion with her. I could never totally regret my interactions with Crown, as challenging monogamy with Firestorm has led to enough self-awareness and recognition that my desire for established romantic relationships is not unreasonable. It has led to more self-love and actually asking for the kinds of relationships I want, rather than taking the meager offering they wanted to give me. It doesn’t mean that I will accept his advances when honesty is not his first motivation.

Crowns has been frustrating to manage expectations with. A lot of the initial expectation was crushed quickly, and I had thought that would be the end of the discussion. Then, he didn’t let go so easily. I felt caught between leading him on, and genuinely enjoying the company he presented. Conversation always lulled if I didn’t continue the expectation of sexual interest. I felt disappointed that I didn’t warrant more respect. The shadow of interest hadn’t dissipated, but he never crossed the line between wanting me, and actually getting to know me. It left me sad after interactions, and devalued my self-worth. I have come through those emotions to recognize I am worth more than that. I want more than that.

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**Spiral 2: Shifter is out of my reach emotionally, but the look I received from him at the wedding was so heated, I was filled with want. It was a promise of more, a promise of sexual satisfaction, and the honour of his genuine desire for my interaction. I may not be able to enjoy the significance of a romantic relationship, but there is a kindness, a caring and an ethical component to his non-monogamous practice. It also helps that he identifies as polyamorous, so I feel a kinship of understanding.

And even going through my own thoughts, there remains an undercurrent of sadness that he is removed from my potential romantic partners. I really thought there might be something there worth exploring. It’s scary putting yourself out there to people, hoping that they’ll be able to love you. It’s also difficult recognizing kin, and having the frame of romantic monogamy limit your natural inclination to fall in love. I want to fall in love and be loved. I don’t need to spend every day in their pocket, but to acknowledge that the time we spend together will be valuable and sacred.