#i think thats why its all the more important to be self-indulgent when it comes to being creative

[roguelioness]

I constantly feel like I'm playing catch up - not just life in general (am I where I should be for my age??) but also in fandom; I have so many fics to read (I'm so sorry if I haven't gotten to yours, my brain has been wonky) and I would like to have the ability to actually SIT and write (instead of getting distracted by just. everything) and even messages and emails and phone calls to people and and and-

[stygianheart]

its a shame your fics dont have more art theyre so good like if I could draw well id probably turn them into picture books. do you wish you had art?

but besides the point I actually have questions and I wanna ask em.

first up, who’s the back up? luffys mentioned the backup a few times and I cant help but wonder who it is. if thats a major spoiler than you dont have to answer but considering your love for this one guy i kinda think its sabo or the rev army. either that or like traffy. it would be funny if it was sabo though because of koby’s brief jealousy of how luffy was talking about him.

this might be just me as an aot fan overanalyzing everything but I feel like that devil fruit in the beginning was something important and so was the auction in broad daylight.

also ive seen a lot of fics where kobys favorite food is buttered potatoes but i think yours is the first where his favorite food is downright plain butter. the guys a psychopath for that. like why would you do that. where did you even get the idea.

I also have some other questions! unfortunately uh revolving around the second favorite ship brymeppo…

does helhippo realize he likes bryan or no? also i really came into the fic thinking I wasnt gonna give a crap about him but somehow you made me like him a lot so kudos to you. his relationship with bryan is so rivals to lovers coded and thats one of my favorite tropes. I really do hope helhippo lives up to his promise and takes bryan to the symphony. I know that wont happen in tsats but if you could make a one shot of helhippo and bryan going out on small dates that would be amazing 🙏 for us rymeppo shippers #rymeppo shippers unite oh and as much as i wanna see bryan take revenge on elijah for all the things the guys done to him i also wanna see helmeppo smash the guys face in. please. kill elijah. I hate him.

omg sorry that this is so long but I still have some more questions!

kobylu wise, who do you think fell first? koby or luffy? its obvious that luffy likes Koby but why hasn’t he said anything? does he understand how he feels? and after this is all said and done how are they going to stay in contact? it’s not like koby can just talk to luffy whenever he wants since hes a marine and luffys the pirate king.

anyway thats all! I hope i was able to help your creativity in some way :)

I mean, yeah, art would be cool. But when it comes to engagement with my fics, the most I hope for is for someone to simply read it. Besides, it’s self indulgent! I’m just writing the stuff for me and sharing it along the way.

Anyway, questions. *pulls out glasses*

The back up? Well, it’s not Traffy, that much I can say. Considering we (last I checked) don’t know if Trafalgar is alive or not, I just decided to…y’know, leave him out.

Greetings, fellow AoT fan, you are NOT mistaken! I kinda like hiding little things in the fic—not EVERYTHING has a purpose like AoT, but a lot of things are put there for a reason. I like being sneaky like that.

And yes. Koby’s a psycho. He eats straight up butter—and said it tastes better when dipped in sugar. I got this weird headcanon from my bestie who also happens to eat butter sticks. I once saw him dip it in sugar and was so disgusted by it, and he was just like “it’s good for you. Besides, it’s ✨tasty✨” like sir no. What on earth. That’s weird. You do you, but please, not in front of me. Besides the point—for some reason I decided to implement that onto Koby. I have a habit of weirdifying characters.

As for the RyMeppo question… I seriously never expected people to love this ship so much wtf. In Chapter 5, Helmeppo is completely unaware of his very obvious crush on (B)Ryan. He thinks he hates Ryan, when it’s obvious it’s more than that. As of Chapter 10, however, the moron is 10000% aware of how he feels. He and Ryan’s relationship is really fun to write with the constant bickering/flirting. I never intended them to be a romantic relationship, but alas, that’s where it headed.

And the KobyLu questions! Yay! Koby definitely fell first and he fell hard—don’t think anyone could fall harder if they tried. As for Luff: he knows how he feels about Koby. Buddy went to Sanji’s school of flirting and failed the classes spectacularly yet tried showing off his grades to Koby. He’s made it very clear how he feels—Koby, unfortunately, is just too damn dense. Luffy could yell “I LOVE YOU” to Koby and he would probably think Luffy meant platonically. He gets his density from me, of course, I’m the exact same way.

I hope I answered your questions well! Thanks for the ask, it actually did help a bit.)))

[crguang]

childhood friends to anything else is actually so important to me. like childhood friends to strangers w some level of unrequited love? like idk the your absence shaped me in ways your presence couldn't? is always so ugh, like the bittersweet stuff if they ever meet again and one of them is so changed in their time apart and it'll just never be like that again. was rereading some greek myths, the tragedy and like lost opportunity and the yearning is always amazing. but like that au fits so well w kafka, i was thinking abt it and the au also kind of reminded me of the one from folklore, like if you wanted me you really should have showed and if you never bleed you're never gonna grow, but we were smth don't you think so. but also im being kind jumping the gun and being self indulgent rn like what if come back...be here from red. like "told myself don't get attached but in my mind I play it back," if I had know what I know now I never would've played no nonchalant," idk...

ok I saw ur posts abt cheryl having like inconsistencies, and like a slight southern accent, but i personally don't hear it. speaking from experience when I open the game but accidentally just listens to kafka's voicelines (I still smile every time, i even still giggle sometimes, smth is very wrong w me), but idk abt more recent stuff. i also just don't like southern accents, so I might be in denial. and yeah there's barely any fics w her nowadays (she needs to come back fr), but also your kafka is just like...the best. revolutionary in fact, like you get her so bad.

-🌠

ANONNNN I LITERALLY LISTEN TO THE 1 WHENEVER I THINK ABOUT THAT AU… ITS THEM. “i persist and resist the temptation to ask you if one thing had bene different, would everything be different today?” and “in my defense, i have none for never leaving well enough alone, but it would’ve been fun if you would’ve been the one” IS SO KAFKA STILL REMINISCING A DECADE LATER. folklore is a must whenever i write them, you should listen to seven as well it’s my favorite song from the album and captures the innocence of childhood so well. i was never a childhood friends to lovers fan but they changed my perspective fr. the bittersweetness is killing meee i cant handle this angst of grieving both what could’ve been and what has been, i just want my girl happy😞 when the person you’re missing is right in front of you but not there at the same time how do you even process that. you should watch the movie past lives they’re literally that movie to me

i dont hear the southern accent either, in my opinion she just sounds lazy/bored at times but maybe it’s cause im not attuned to all the subtleties in her pronunciation so perhaps there are traces of it and i just dont hear it😭 i also still giggle whenever she says the “thanks, you’re too good to me” healing voice line hdjsnfnfjfjggjjdjdhd cause i am too good to her actually. also “oh, bye bye~” will always get me idccc she sounds so cute im gonna die like that’s my baby

i should go scout ao3 for kafka fics its the only platform i havent gone through yet, tumblr fics just tend to be short and sweet thats why i like it there but there’s nothing lately oh my days we’re in a drought. at least we still have artists😣

[silentstaresfanficandfanart]

what fueled you to write that fast?

I would need that help too

endless love ENDLESS LOVE FOREVER AND EVER

that is tos ay i write what i love and i love what i write and i try my very best to enjoy the process and have fun

do it often and youll get faster

have a rough plan in place or even an outline if you can

and you know that rush you get when you imagine your characters doing stuff in an amv or when you chat about them with a friend? you gotta jump into thew riting while thats still buzzing if you can!

plus it helps to have lovely pepole to encourage you, while its also VERY important to make srue not to prioritize ao3 comments or peoples attention over your enjoyment, as long as you can take that part in without working FOR attention and love you'll do great.

think of it like, Wataru

Wataru is doing his acts and all his amazing things for praise

as lovely as wataru is , hes very very sad and he's just trying to be loved <3 so even if he does an amzing job at everything he does, he's not happy unless someone else enjoys what he does! and that can trap you in trying too hard to gain others aprooval and forgetting what you yourself do!

another thing is challenging yourself, if you doubt yourself doing something big and scary like nanowrimo or actually completing an entire book can make the big scary thing not so bad. The important thing there to remember is that anything that can bleed, can die. That is to say, if you can 'cause damage' to somethings hp bar, you can defeat it as long as you keep attacking it! eventually it will fall.

you can write an entire book just fine, if you just keep writing it.

But you gotta give yourself an hp bar for the thing or it can feel overwhelming. personally i go with a "ask a question, answer it, and ask another question" style usually when im writing

usually i would say a good chapter length is about 5,000 words max, and then writing out an outline

for example

Eichi feels ill, why is eichi unwell?

reveal: Eichi is turning into a horrrible magical monster and keito has to become a magical boy to save him

resolution: keito becomes a magical boy and saves eichi!

question: what's going on and how is keito going to save the world from these aliens

(in this case the question kind of sets up the overarching primary plot point- having at least one can help a lot in storytelling but theres so many different ways to tell stories. i like personally really like the 'no conflict narrative' that some japanese stories have, not that they really lack a conflict but its great for slice of life things and can kind of be stretched a lot of ways i think its called Kishotenketsu

but you know, find a method that works for you but the most important rule for writing a lot fast, is to just have fun and be self indulgent, the hardest thing to do when it comes to writing a lot, is make yourself write at all after all, as long as you actually are writing something you REALLY enjoy and like writing, you'll want to keep writing. stay true and honest to yourself and if you hae ONE big scene in mind you freaking LOVE and dont erally want to write the rest you are tottaly allowed to do that. The difference between talent and skill is often passion.

Oh and NEVER. EVER. INSULT YOUR WRITING.

DONT BE HARSH. DONT BE CRUEL.

AND DONT JUDGE YOUR WRITING UNFAIRLY, INF ACT, TRY NOT TO JUDGE IT AT ALL ,JUST ENJOY IT. SURE ITS OKAY TO STUDY AND SEE WHERE YOU COULD IMPROVE AND GROW, BUT DO THAT BECAUSE YOU ENJOY WRITING AND WANT TO WRITE BETTER NOT BECAUSE YOU THINK YOU'RE BAD do it because you love writing and you want to love it even more and show it how much you love it by getting better <3 compliment yourself and your creative projects often

tldr: Do what you enjoy, never insult yourself, and remember to not push yourself to conform to others expectations and praise, but do praise yourself lots and lots <3 source: a lovely writer who enjoys it very much and can truly say they love writing

personally i got stuck in a huge rut by the way a few years back when my mom told me she struggled to get into my writing because i never finished anything and it took me a long time to finally work past that though she never meant anything harsh by it. It took facing nanowrimo to suddenly kick my love of writing back into gear. completing and sucessfully writing an entire actual book proved to me i could.

also on that note one more tip

writing an entire book actually isint that big a deal, its super exciting sure! you should celebrate it! but it's something we put on a pedestal which makes it seem superhuman to complete, but...it's really not. now ive written several books since nanowrimo last year, and you can really see just looking at my fanfictions how heavily beating that helped me. writing is FUN

writing can BE fun

the biggest thing ive ever seen stop writers is fear, shame, and doubt. Same with artists, or anyone else with any skills. love, love , love~ <3

just keep writing, keep loving it, and you'll find that even if you only write a little a day, youll eventually get your goals done <3 any mountain is climbable with patience time and love!

[crunchybees]

a journal entry from a distant past

what are my goals? i feel myself in this state of transformation. can i truly live with no life goals? do i have to be working towards something all the time… that sounds exhausting. right now im chilling. getting high. living in the present. that sounds good to me. i think im discounting myself. ive been learning more about tarot and astrology. i want to be immersed in those. i want to learn about what we cant see. i am waiting for the right opportunity for me, but how will i know that opportunity is right if i have no goal in mind? well, first off, i do have a goal in mind - comfortability. secondly, im literally just playing devils advocate with myself. im gonna use my fucking intuition to understand if a decision is right for me or not. fucking duh. what am i talking about. i guess i had to write this out to feel better. why am i worried about having no goals? i guess i had the thought that if i had no goals in life, then my life is pointless. is that true? i dont know. it was just a thought… let me try to philophosize this real quick. if someone has no goals in life… maybe theyre just there to observe. observe the happenings of the world. how can certain lives be pointless and others significant? exactly. every life has the same amount of significance. were all here for a reason. well. i guess we are here to do different things, accomplish different tasks. but are those tasks on a ranking of importance? i want to think not. i dont think i think that. haha. im unsure. okay i just thought a little bit and im pretty sure there is no ranking, that we are of equal importance. yes. unless the universe is unfair or something… and i feel like the only unfair thing is humans. like were fucked up fr. oof this candle has been burning for too long and i have a headache now. well. this process is going to be long and drawn out. i look forward to see how i come out of it. i wonder if this is a collective happening throughout the world, or if its because of my age, or my birthchart, or if its just me. hm. i have to shit ill b back.

is it time to indulge? time to reflect and confront? or time to learn? the answer… do what you feel like doing. if you have any feeling like you dont feel like doing something… dont do it. yeah. simple as that. sometimes i forget, and thats understandable. your mindset is changing. change is not linear. its okay. i love you. i love me. do what you feel like doing. my two options are jack off, or read. mmm i feel like jacking off lol. thats what i mean though… is there a point where indulgence gets to be too much? and then i think, why are you worrying about that? just enjoy your life. stop worrying about whether something is good or bad, because youre thinking too much. using your head too much. not using your body enough. listen to your body more than your mind. when you start to thinking about whether youre getting too indulgent, youre limiting yourself, and your overthinking about things that do. not. matter. it doesnt matter. you do what you feel you should do. not what you think. your thoughts are influenced by your environment. your body is your body. bitch if yo coochie tingling play with it. if you feel like getting high then get high. if u feel like watching tv or doing nothing, then do that. dont feel bad. what the fuck. thats what other people have conditioned you to think. why would you feel bad about doing stuff that makes you feel good. stop that. i love you. who am i talking to? i feel like theres another person in my mind. ive always felt like that… always have conversations with myself. i think thats a good thing. always the devils advocate, seeing different perspectives within myself. i wonder where it comes from. is it me talking to myself? is it just me replacing the person who i would want to tell me these things? maybe. maybe. sun in my twelfth house.. i keep thinking that has something to do with it. sense of self is hidden. maybe me conversing with myself is that sense of self coming out of its hiding spot. im discovering myself, instead of just being a product of my environment. its me. its just me. its just been hidden. yes. hello. we are going to be friends. is it mental illness or a spiritual awakening lol. that was a joke. a meme i saw earlier. well. what a realization. i am curious to see this sense of self more in the future. hm. taking notes on the computer is so much easier because i type much faster than i write, however i am concerned about the digital aspect. im getting a hard drive soon. bye now.

[avo-kat]

i was checking my drafts (for the irrational fear that there will be a bug that suddenly releases all your posts in draft; this has no basis on reality, so dont worry), and found this post from march 1st 2023.

its me working out that im definitely not trans:

dont mind me, im just sitting here and thinking out loud

me: oh im just a regular woman. not straight. but otherwise normal. thats all. :) [pre 2020]

me: hm actually. you know what? hmhm. something is up

me: no its fine. its time. i came out as lesbian to my friends! this is great. i love this. time to buy... lgbt merch. [around 2020]

me: what kind tho... hm.... somehow.... u know? normal rainbow stuff is fine, right?

me: hmmmm im not feeling so good actually??? [around 2021]

me: is that... u know what.... i think i may be.... non-binary? i thought this was only smth for kids but looking into it, huh, i guess so!

me: now i can wear more boy clothes. and walk a bit more masc. thats kinda fun. mens tank top. mens shorts. baseball cap. i feel awesome. hairy legs. hairy armpits. hell yeah!

me: but im just nb im not trans thats not being trans

me: i dont wanna intrude or take away or smth im just nb

me: im fine being the way i am no need to do hrt or anything really

me: and honestly, i dont wanna lose my identity as a queer woman!!! i love being a queer woman! well ok not a woman anymore but im still like, sapphic! that kinda thing!!! im deathly afraid of losing this part of my identity!

me: im super fine w my body and im fine staying this way and also being my agab at my job

me: besides im so cute now and id deffo look ugly as a guy

me: i dont even like guys that much so like come on

me: that one guy is giving me such gender envy. thats just 1 exception tho [around 2022]

me: i prefer he/they but im fine with all pronouns :)

me: i like it when ppl use male words for me. just makes me feel good. nothing else :)

me: (i have no dysphoria cuz im nb im not trans)

me: its cool im fine

me: hmmmmmmmmm

me: mhmhm eeeh

me: im not feeling so great again thats so weird....??? [late 2022/early 2023]

me: mhmhmhmhmh

me: oh look im growing facial hair

me: guess ill shave. thats annoying. kinda cool but annoying

me: oh wow i gotta shave more often huh thats so annoying

me: hm hair is growing more... actually... feels nice touching my hairy face kinda

me: oh well i gotta shave for work, so

me: ach. why does that feel unpleasant?

me: oh well. heh, if i were a man (im not tho), some things would be kinda fun!

me: if i were a guy. that would be fun. like. purely hypothetical, yknow?

me: like if i suddenly got the superpower to change my appearance. that would be sooo cool. just cuz.

me: wouldnt that be fun. it would. it would be so fun.

me: not trans tho

me: def not trans. i feel shaky and queasy just thinking of it. im not

me: just nb. im fine. im fine staying like this. like. im. im fine.

me: like sure im not like super comf

me: thats on me deciding not to be more gnc in public. yeah. it would be such a hassle

me: yeah. what if tho lol. can u imagine. god, telling my boss? no way man that wouldnt fly

me: and id be so ugly. im cute right now. and im not strong. or build. and im too fat. if i were to be a man id wanna be, like, hot, yknow? strong and sharp jawline. if i were to be guy. im not. i wouldnt. im not trans lol

me: lemme write this fanfic real quick. just smth self-indulgent. what if i woke up in the body of the main character of this shounen anime lol. id be a boy lol. like. id be a man. mans body lol. that be fun lol. and what if i managed to fall in love with that male character. wed be so gay together. haha. two guys. such a funny idea

me: .....................

me: like what if i got top surgery.

me: like, sure. a year ago i was scared of losing my boobs. like if i had breast cancer and had to remove them. id look so off. my body would look wrong. boobs are an important visual element.

me: but what if i got top surgery. like. i hate bras. i dont like them being touched much either honestly so i wouldnt really lose anything? it would be more comfy for me day to day. and while sleeping. so, honestly, only upsides?

me: ...what would i need, theoretically. hm. half a year of therapy? oh. yeah. no. im not trans. so. yeah.

me: ....................

me: like, what name would i even pick. idk. well doesnt matter. im not trans.

[new addition, july 2023] me: im trans :D

[bananasmores]

Talking about what I’ve learned recently about art block/motivation in a way that I hope is helpful 

I have art block more often than I don’t have it, I think I just always have it and sometimes I can push art through the cracks of it very rarely, but it doesn’t seem to go away at all; making art has always been uncomfortable for me (personally) I’ve always been really frustrated because the only thing I’ve been passionate about is art, but if you don’t have any strong interests besides art and a vague idea of ‘getting good enough’ then you dont have things to draw and things come out stale and lifeless. honestly the best art advice that i didnt understand well enough when i heard it the first time, and only really GOT when i fell ass-backwards into figuring it out, was “find interests/hobbies that arent related to art”. 

if you let obsession with improvement and nothing else get ahold of you, it’s going to get out of control fast. ‘why am i not better yet when all i do is think about this and try to paint ladders on the wall to get out of this hole’. it gets really embarrassing to yourself.  It’s really really hard if you have this mentality but you have to draw for yourself, learn to be self indulgent. I’ve read literally those words a hundred times and didnt fully absorb them in a way i could act on, so i dont know that typing them here for other people having the same problem is helpful.  actual actionable advice that has helped me with this specific problem: -chase passing interests in anything, just enjoy things. put the idea of art out of your brain, itll come back. (personally the way that worked for me is “im very passionate about this subject and i want to tell people about it AND communicate how it makes me feel”)

-have secret hobbies to let yourself be bad at. pick up a new creative thing and make stuff that way without focusing on improvement, just enjoy whatever comes out of playing around. make some kind of pseudonym/secret blog/whatever so you can collect what you make. even if youre not trying to improve, its going to happen and being so new to something that youre constantly improving a ton is exciting and this will help you feel something about creating things without expectations. its especially fun if the specific avenue you go with has a reputation for being “cringe” or “childish”. have fun, cringe is fun.

  -if you post art and then keep checking back to see if people like it: holy shit do not post something when you’ve just finished it and you’re proud of it; make the art and then drop it in the queue for a few days away, make the time longer if youre antsy about it. try really hard to not tie your feelings to other peoples reactions to your art.

-i dont know how universal this is, maybe it’s just me being avoidant, but i make art and personal accounts separate, and turn off notifications for art accounts. if its important and for professional stuff, have a contact page. if its a tumblr sideblog where i doodle horses, i turn the askbox off. i don’t remember who said it but “i drew this for myself but you can look at it too if you want” has stuck with me and has been one of the most helpful things about art ive heard.

i think because of the entire Capitalism Thing, if you do art for a job, there’s a feeling that if it’s real work it needs to be miserable and hard or else you’re goofing off. but if you burn yourself out for years because you think art as a job needs to be torturous or it’s rude to people working other jobs then.obviously thats not sustainable. take care of yourself and your mental health. ive worked a lot of (non art, physical industrial) jobs and while i’m glad to do art now, please remember you’re a person before you’re your job title. (especially right now)  i hope this is understandable, ive been dealing with this issue (+avpd) for years and am finally starting to get ahold of it and i want to shorten this struggle for anyone else that has it if at all possible.

[thatpinkbetch]

This is gonna be so self indulgent, but...

Aspec bkdk, with ace Bakugou and demi Midoriya.

Bakugou growing up thinking everyone was so easily distracted by sex and romance, and he wouldnt let that shit get in the way of him becoming the greatest hero ever. His feelings for Midoriya have ALWAYS confused him, because there was never any physical attraction there, and he could just tell it was never the same as the crushes everyone else around him had. The confusion only adds to his frustration - Deku is supposed to be a pebble in the road, why is he so special?

And Midoriya, never being able to tear his eyes away from Bakugou. Everyone makes fun of him for being quirkless as hes growing up, but it somehow hurts so much more when Kacchan does it. Becoming an adolescent, going into high school, the idea of sex and stuff becomes more prominent, but hes so shy! He gets flustered a lot! But then him and Kacchan get over everything, and theres actually...an opportunity for them to be close? He can...be close to Kacchan? And the closer he gets, the brighter Kacchan shines. And the older he gets, the more his heart flutters 😳😳 he may have been flustered many times, but no one has made him want to move, to reach out and connect, like Kacchan does....

And Bakugou, getting into high school, well hes got a lot of feelings he needs to sort through, a lot that doesnt make sense when he looks around himself. Once his world perception first breaks, then everything else seems to be breaking. Everyone else around him is so different, so earnest about the things they want, and by now he should have wanted the same things they do too, right? But he doesnt. He gains friends and trust and hope and drive, but he still feels lonely, isolated. And when he finally gets over his internal obstacles, and he realizes that Deku looks up to him, and that hes been forcing himself to hate Deku because its easier than caring for a self-destructive idiot, he starts to realize just how much hes held back. Is his heart supposed to be twisting like that? This stupid fucker, so damn fucking special. Always has been...

Talking with Kaminari and Kirishima, well, he cant hide how important Deku is to him, not from his closest friends. And Kaminari teases him about his crush, but Bakugou is irritated, like "thats not fucking it! I don't want that from him..." Neither of them believe him, Kaminari looking smug, Kirishima sympathetic, but he knew they wouldnt understand.

But thats the catalyst. Its a slow realization, it happens over time, just pondering at first. But maybe...it is a crush? But...crushes make you want to do things...things he doesnt really want. But the more he thinks about it...and Deku...the more he blushes as hes falling asleep in bed, imagining it all 😖😖

Needless to say, hes super in love with Deku. And its really hard to figure out as a teenager, so he doesn't. He figures it out when they're a little older, out of high school. Hes more confidant in himself, though figuring himself out is still an ongoing process.

Well, anyway, Midoriya is also rather confidant in himself, having learned self worth and that he deserves happiness, and he confesses to the one person hes ever loved, and holy shit, Kacchan loves him back. What happens now? Well, they find out that the other...is just like them. And honestly Midoriya cries, and Bakugou comes really fucking close. Its such a relief to know theres no pressure. And maybe as they get older and find more comfort in their bodies and their relationship, theyre willing to try things, but in the end, theyre simply content knowing that they are the others person, that no matter where they live and who they meet, they are each others home 💖💖💖

No ace experiences are the same of course!! This is just heavily based on mine 😅😅

[diavolosthots]

more requests! sorry if this is getting annoying. mc accidentally kisses the brothers and the undateables goodbye on the cheek before leaving the house/purgatory hall, what are their thoughts and how do they react (this actually happened to me and a friend we both come from a culture where this is normal but live in a country where it isnt so it was *super embarrassing*)

WAIT NO DONT APOLOGIZE FOR REQUESTS I LOVE THEM ���❤❤ Also where i come from that's relatively normal too and where I live now people are f*cking sensitive toward that 🙄 anyway!

THE BROTHERS + UNDATEABLES reactions to MC accidentally kissing their cheek

Lucifer:

His first thought is that you're lucky youre this important to him because had anyone else tried that he would've turned demon ASAP. However, the longer he processes the action, the more he realizes that, in order for you to do this, even just accidentally, you must hold some kind of comfort around him and just the thought of you feeling safe and comfortable enough toward HIM that you kiss his cheek on accident, sends his pride skyrocketing.

Mammon:

He just kind of freezes for a moment and replays the event. Did that just happen? You kissed his cheek? When you apologize and tell him its an accident, he almost wants to say that accidents dont happen and of COURSE youd kiss his cheek because hes awesome like that, but for once his lifetime, he doesnt and actually bites his tongue.

Leviathan:

Uh yeah so he's gone. Not only is he blushing redder than the blood of his enemies COMBINED, but he also just stopped working. You kissed his cheek? It must've been an accident. Yeah of course it was an accident.... And then the self doubt kicks in.

Satan:

His cheeks will blush slightly but hes actually super understanding, especially if he knows that that's custom where you're from. Still, he cant help but wonder if maybe, it wasnt an accident, and if maybe, he should return the favor.

Asmodeus:

Awe babes youre so silly! Nothing happens on accident~ but really go in for the lips next time will you? He promises theyre softer ;)

Beelzebub:

He doesnt even realize until a while later and he just stops. And then runs to you because he needs answers. And its so cute because you tell him it's an accident but he tells you that you can keep making those kinds of accidents okay sidhsjiwiajas

Belphegor:

Hes almost as smug as asmodeus but not as dirty, ya know? Tells you its okay but hed be glad to pick up that custom with you 👀 makes him feel warm and fuzzy inside, more warm than his bed ever could and he cant help but recall the feeling of your lips on his cheek.

Diavolo:

He laughs it off because mistakes happen, right? Totally understands there was no harm done. But once you left, and he's alone again, only barbatos to keep him company, he cant help but indulge himself in that feeling of your lips and the warmth they brought... And he almost calls you back to him.

Barbatos:

Hes actually aware of your customs and quickly kisses your own cheek so it wont be awkward, except that it's... More awkward now and now youre both apologizing. He didnt mean to make you feel bad, and he will make it up to you. Unlike some others, his thoughts dont run wild and he wont think much of it.

Simeon:

Oh darling thats okay. He appreciates the gesture. Angels are quite touchy feely too, even with friends, people just dont realize this. Yet, your touch felt different and he cant help but notice. On the outside, it's as if nothing changed, but on the inside, hes sure his heart skipped a beat.

Luke:

Levi 2.0. He stops working because wait did you just touch his cheek? With your lips? His brain is overworking right now but once you tell him it was an accident, he kind of.... Feels sad? He doesnt understand why. Feelings are weird.

Solomon:

Hahaha darling thats okay he knows. Hes much like Asmo though and will tease you about just going all the way and kissing his lips next time. It seems like a joke but hes semi serious; these feelings are getting unbearable.

[ladybeug]

Okay remember the chloe breakup playlist? 

@peachesandheather​ and @chaotictaste​ THANKS FOR ASKING i know its way later but i would LOVE to break this playlist down lets get GOING! 

this is a follow up to THIS post. 

CONTEXT:  for this fanmix to read correctly, you need to know its an aged-up AU. Chloe’s grown a bit already, and she’s learned to value making other people happy just for the sake of making them happy. She joins the superhero gang and they all reveal identities and she dates marinette for a bit but realizes that marinette is still into adrien, and so chloe breaks up with her. That’s the facts, theres a drabble about it here if you want more emotional depth. 

LISTEN HERE ON SPOTIFY and follow along. There will also be links to youtube lyric videos if you prefer that. 

Without further ado: 

The Louvre - Lorde 

This is a key track. The title track. 

The metaphor of the louvre itself really sits with me. On the one hand, it’s The Louvre - an internationally recognized place to Put Important Things. What’s more, to put Art - beautiful things that defy description. And yet we keep trying. On the other hand, it’s The Louvre - there’s a suggestion that you’re not supposed to touch it. It’s precious enough that it needs to be preserved and displayed carefully - don’t knock into it. That’s a scary new relationship. Something extremely precious that you almost trust. 

Now remember the louvre metaphor, that one comes back in track 7. 

The rest of this breakdown is under the cut to spare the poor people just trying to scroll through tumblr. You guys enjoy your evening. Everyone else, follow me!!

If you’re reading this i love you thank you for indulging me. 

 You’re Gonna Make me Lonesome When You Go - Madeleine Peyroux 

Despite not being the title track, this is the song that inspired the whole playlist! I love it. Its layered. 

I like to imagine Chloe has a moment, like the calm before the storm, when she realizes she has to break up with marinette, and she feels almost zen about it. Maybe she’s been struggling with trying to open up and be vulnerable and ask for love. And finally she decides she doesn’t want to ask for love anymore, she’s tired of it, and she’s going to go back to pushing people away. For a moment it’s just a relief to stop trying, it’s comforting to revert to who she used to be in the face of losing marinette. 

This song has a resigned feel to it. It feels like someone who doesn’t quite really believe they deserve love. That’s a theme throughout this playlist too.

Lastly, in the context of the AU - chloe would feel good about giving marinette a chance to be with someone she really wants to be with. She’s grown a lot since she was a kid and likes to be the kind of person who cares about others. It’s bittersweet but feels a little... right. 

Call it Off - Tegan & Sara 

They break up. 

Paper Bag - Fiona Apple 

Chloe takes it back, it doesn’t feel ‘bittersweet but a little... right’!! It sucks!! 

This one’s about chloe feeling sorry for herself about having to break up with Marinette. It’s bitter and frustrated, it says why can’t I have nice things?? It’s about being SO close to love - so close you could taste it - and having to cut yourself off. 

It also has that resigned feel to it - the need to starve yourself of love because you can’t have it. The disbelief in a happy ending, and a little bit of self blame.

Woke Up New - The Mountain Goats 

This is the other side of the breakup coin. If ‘Paper Bag’ is the bitterness and reflection on how chloe feels about breaking up, ‘Woke Up New’ is just about... not having marinette. 

It removes the self-reflection and the over-thinking. It’s just about loss. You miss someone. And I think chloe would miss marinette. She’s been lonely before, and for a while she didn’t feel lonely, and now she feels lonely again - it’s uncomplicatedly sad. It’s just a sad moment. 

Be Mine! - Robyn 

Okay now we turn up the tempo a little, we’ve been sad, we’ve been self-reflective, bring on the poor coping mechanisms! Turn up the volume, pour yourself a drink, and get a little mad about your breakup!

But also dont forget to be kind of resigned and defeatist about it. That’s still crucial and will continue to be crucial for a little longer. 

Fists Up - BLOW 

This is another key song, and is our second reference to the Louvre. 

But it brings a third, new aspect to the Louvre, that Lorde didn’t bring. The security of the Louvre. BLOW says, ‘my love is a fortress, my love is the louvre, but it can’t ever thrive if i’m forced to keep proving it’. There’s the same suggestion that love is worth valuing, but also reminds us that love is difficult to access - which is absolutely true for chloe, who protects herself instinctively. She’s always been very defensive, and part of growing has been fighting to overcome that instinct - it’s what let her get so close to marinette in the first place. But it didn’t work out, which is bitter, and makes her angry. There’s almost a self-righteousness, trying to blame someone else for not treating you precious enough. 

Also worth noting that this song is about the internal fight between hope and defeat in a relationship. Chloe ended the relationship with ladybug because she didn’t believe it would work, and she doesn’t believe she’s enough. But it’s so hard to stop hope, which makes defeat more painful.

Shampain - Marina and the Diamonds 

Remember when we started drinking to Robyn’s “Be Mine”? We are drinking a LOT more now and we are SO COOL and DONE thinking about this. We are NOT SAD ANYMORE!!! ITS FINE!! 

Hurricane Drunk - Florence & the Machine 

Chloe is still very drunk and is now being sad on purpose. 

Maps - Yeah Yeah Yeahs 

Now it’s 3 am and chloe is not that drunk anymore but she is soooo so so sad. Chloe misses her girlfriend sooo much. this sucks this sucks this sucks alcohol did not help??? how come that didnt work?? 

If you wanna get creative this is the scene where chloe shows up on marinettes balcony and makes a scene and marinette takes her home and tucks her in very kindly and very platonically. 

Gotta Have You - The Weepies 

This song is on the cusp of acceptance. This playlist is admittedly like... a little depressing, especially as I write it all out - theres a lot of wrestling with self-esteem, and fighting loneliness. That’s hard. This song is tired. It’s tried everything. 

It’s the thematic foil to ‘You’re Going To Make Me Lonesome When You Go’. Both songs have the same gentle, steady rhythm. In the first, chloe was in the relationship, sad but accepting that the relationship would end. Now, she’s out of the relationship, and she just wants to be back in. But there’s a little bit of that same acceptance. 

This song feels like saying out loud what you want, and even though you can’t have it, the fact that you know what it is and you can say it feels good. 

Go Ahead - Rilo Kiley

Alright guys we’re solidly in acceptance by now. We’re out of the heavy emotional woods. We’ve made it. 

This song is bittersweet and not a truly happy one, but it holds a genuine wish for someone else’s happiness that hasn’t appeared in most of the songs in this playlist. It’s reminiscent of the wish chloe had in the first place, to end the relationship not only to protect herself but to give marinette a chance to be happy. To do a good and selfess thing. 

It’s both. It’s sad and it’s good. It’s complex. 

New Years Day - Taylor Swift 

This is the third key song. And it’s a truly beautiful one. 

This song ties us back to the beginning, and says do you remember what all this fuss is really about? What was so important that you put it in the Louvre?

Chloe is still on a team with marinette. There’s a point at which she would have to choose to cut marinette off, or... figure out something else. This song is about figuring out something else. The ‘what comes next’ of a difficult relationship. They don’t get back together, but they stay friends, even if its weird, and even when chloe feels left out or marinette doesn’t know what to say. But they want to stay in each others lives. And it’s worth the work.

A Fairytale Ending - The Boy Least Likely To 

A reflection on how difficult it is to grow and face life head on, and how it changes you.

I Wanna Get Better - Bleachers

We have to have some closure here. It’s going to be okay. 

THATS THE PLAYLIST 

Pretty somber now that I have it all written out like that. but still a great one.

[arysthaeniru]

aAAA the joy of seeing an update on your current favorite fanfic is just aAAA

I always felt that kiwami 1s Nishiki was just a bit too,, I dont know how to describe it; but essentially he just felt off, granted yakuza 1 is a product of its time and therefore the plot is a bit dated and whack as all hell

The way you write Nishiki just feels so much better and realistic; in the original he just seems so uncaring towards Kiryu? which just feels kinda OOC? You'd think he still cares about Kiryu despite it all, especially when you take Yakuza 0 into consideration; and i feel like you portray Nishiki much more accurately

I never thought much about Yumi, because honestly, in the original she was kinda just, there? You actually made her a very interesting person! like I'm actually invested in her in your story! (side note you ever think about her clone who got tortued and died? yeah who WAS that???? thats never brought up is it??)

Theres so much more to talk about but in short; This is the best fix it/rewrite of a game plot I have read to date and it brings me joy in my current stressful school life. and no I will not stop praising it or the author, because this work has made me very happy. ;)

I just have a gift for picking favorites that end up dying,,aand another favorite of mine is Mine

imo theres a lack of soft, reassuring Minedai, i just feel like he'd need a reminder that people love him as a person and not just for the money he can provide, even if its obvious

I'd love to see how you'd write them, but I understand if theres more interesting/appealing drabble requests!

- Carp

CARP, thank you for this <3 this is so sweet!!!!! I’m so happy you enjoy my Nishiki! I had fun playing with what Yakuza 0/the Kiwami additions gave us about Nishiki’s personality and outlook on the world, and trying to reconcile that with the plot that Yakuza 1 initially had. Ultimately, I fell on the side that you did: even if Nishiki’s ambition took him down a monstrous path, I don’t think he’s the sort of person who neglects to pay back his debts. And he’s aware of the huge debt he owes Kiryu. Not to mention, their bonds of trust and love vanishing completely because of jealousy felt unreal to me. Their relationship becoming twisted or strange? Yes, but vanishing entirely felt unsatsifying to me. 

And Yumi!! I had so much fun excavating her character from the clues we get of her in canon. I worry sometimes, that she’s unrecognizable, because you know, I’ve given her a college education, and a whole bunch of interests beyond hostessing alone, but people seem to like it and like her, which is great!! I hate fridging women characters, so keeping her and Reina alive was important to me, hahaha. (RE: fake!Mizuki, there’s this substory in Kiwami that actually addresses who she was, BUT IT’S EVEN MORE HORRIFYING. So that’s why Yumi in my fic is the one captured and tortured by Nishiki’s men, because the thought of this poor innocent woman getting dragged into the mess was just untenable to me.)  

Anyway, thank you for your support and kind words, and I hope you’ll continue to read and that my fic can continue to relieve stress. I--tried to write this about Mine, but Daigo kind of stole the spotlight a little??? I hope you still like it--if not, I will try a ficlet from Mine’s perspective too. I enjoy minedai a lot, but I haven’t had room to think out their dynamic yet, so this took me a while. 

Daigo’s no stranger to being desired. He’s attractive, he knows this—his mother’s beauty lives in his veins, and he’s always had the money to look after himself. Fancy soaps to wash his face, the invisible retainers to keep his teeth straight, fancy suits and skin-tight shirts to show off his frame. For all that Kiryu insists his charisma is something that comes from the soul, Daigo knows it wouldn’t be able to draw the sort of attention he does without being attractive.

Which is to say that Daigo’s not especially thrown off by the intensity of Mine’s gaze. It’s happened before, and it’ll happen again. The thing that surprises him is how much he relishes in being seen by Mine.

Maybe it’s because Mine’s an island in a stormy sea, one of the only yakuza his age who’s sensible and level-headed enough to make it big. Maybe it’s because Mine’s gaze is always so reserved, polite, never overly lusty or overstaying its welcome, and Daigo has so rarely been desired so quietly. Or maybe it’s because Majima and Kashiwagi so clearly disapprove of him—Daigo’s always been something of a rebel, and he hasn’t shaken that off, even now he’s in his thirties and is the arbiter of rules for the Tojo Clan.

Daigo can’t quite put a pin on why he’s so comfortable with Mine’s yearning looks, but he’s never been one to hold back when he wants to indulge in something good. Not exactly a hedonist, not by yakuza standards, but Daigo has never kept himself from enjoying life, in the name of some dubious ‘honour.’

Which is why, in an after-hours meeting with Mine, as they eat cheap takeout sushi together, Daigo takes his chance. A momentary slip, the slightest hint of wasabi left at the corners of Mine’s lips and Daigo swoops in, rubs a thumb over the corner of Mine’s lips. Mine stutters to a stop, mid-sentence through a rundown of the real-estate that the Hakuho Clan’s been purchasing up, and stares at Daigo, eyes bewildered.

“Sixth Chairman?” he asks, his voice still remarkably composed.

“Wasabi.” Daigo says, nonchalantly, as if it’s nothing, and sticks his thumb into his mouth, slowly licking it off with a lingering lave of his tongue. He feels a sharp stab of satisfaction as Mine’s eyes turn darker, and his gaze follows Daigo’s hand down.  

Daigo straightens up, languidly, and cracks his neck, casually. At this point in the day, he’s untucked his shirt, and he knows that a slight strip of his stomach will be visible when he stretches out his arms towards the ceiling. And as predictably as clockwork, Mine’s gaze darts downwards, to that pale expanse, to catch that brief second of skin. Daigo can’t help but feel warm. Something about being watched by Mine is exhilarating.

“Smoke?” offers Daigo, but as usual, Mine refuses, with a polite shake of his head.

Daigo knows from hearsay that Mine’s something a health-freak, so he’s not entirely surprised. It’s already too late for Daigo to preserve his health—he knows that his liver’s already been pretty ruined from long nights of binge-drinking as a youth, and this job’s too stressful to withhold from vices like smoking and drinking, without an optimal end-goal. So he walks over to the window, cracks it open a little, and lights up.

The breath of nicotine curls over his body, a tender caress, and Daigo feels his shoulders drop, as the relaxation hits. He pulls off his cufflinks, tosses them into his pockets and rolls up his sleeves. He takes it slow, runs his fingers over his skin a little more than strictly necessary. Surreptitiously checking the reflection in the window, Daigo watches Mine watch him, and smirks at how intense that gaze is, how Mine’s mouth has opened, and Daigo can just see the soft pink of his tongue.

“Dojima’s just fine, you know. When it’s just us two.” Daigo says, turning over his shoulder. He smiles, one of those charming smiles that had always gotten him whatever he wanted as a child, “We’re same-aged friends, after all.”

“Dojima-san.” Mine acknowledges, after a brief pause.

Daigo turns around, to properly look at Mine and lifts an eyebrow. “Dojima. Or Daigo, preferably. Dojima-san’s always my father in my head.”

Mine nods, face impassive. Daigo can’t read him like this. Maybe that’s why he likes when Mine stares at him, filled with longing. At least then, Daigo feels like he knows him. In moments like these, his implacable gazes might as well be a brick wall. “Right. Your Father was also in the Tojo Clan.”

Daigo smiles, wryly, and blows out a puff of smoke. “One of the most horrible men I’ve ever had the misfortune of meeting—and I had to call him Father. But damn if he wasn’t good at the job.” He sighs and stubs the cigarette out against the ashtray. “...sometimes feel like I’m competing with his dead spirit. Everybody’s looking at me and wondering if this is what my Father would do. Or what Kiryu-san would do.”

“You’re doing better than any of them.” Mine says, immediately, with a vicious ferocity that Daigo wasn’t expecting. He can’t quite stop his eyebrows rising in surprise, and Mine straightens upwards, looking self-conscious immediately. Daigo regrets his instinctual reaction, immediately. “That is to say, Dojima, that I think that you’ve pulled this Clan into somewhere far more respectable. From what I’ve heard of your Father, he didn’t have the temperament to do proper business on this level—too insistent on formal obeisance and unable to be flexible as the times require. And Kiryu-san might be very honourable, but we are yakuza. There are certain things you have to do as a Chairman, that he couldn’t bring himself to do. But you are practical and do what is necessary, while also not overstepping into excessive violence. You are uniquely suited for this job, Dojima.”

...he’s taken aback a little, he can’t deny it. Daigo wonders if his cheeks are colouring, wonders if his obvious shock is offputting, wonders if this is how Mine feels every time Daigo teases him lightly about his obvious attraction. A startling warmth spreads through his chest, and Daigo can’t stop the slight smile that touches his face. Has anybody ever said something so unreservedly kind and measured about Daigo before?

Maybe this is the difference between everybody else’s gazes on him, and Mine’s gaze. It’s based on something more than desire alone. Respect.

Daigo runs a hand over his slicked-back hair and ruffles it free, with a rueful smile, a smile that he couldn’t take away from his face, even if he tried. “I appreciate that. You know I couldn’t do it without you, right?”

He’d never really believed himself capable of attraction to a man like Mine. All of his previous childhood crushes had been on bright, cheerful conversational, pure-hearted people. Daigo had always figured they would balance out his sardonic cynicism. He’d never thought someone as reserved and principled as Mine would ever make his heart flutter. But then, there was something about that deep hunger and passion that Daigo craved. Perhaps it was because he was no longer the gloomy punk of his youth. Maybe his tastes have changed towards tall, dark and handsome. Maybe Mine’s just that special.

“Dojima—” Mine says, clearly trying to refute it, but Daigo cuts him off.

“I mean it. Everybody in this fucking Clan wants me to do something or be somebody else. Kashiwagi-san wants me to be my mother. Majima-san wants me to be Kiryu-san. Everybody else expects my Father. But not you. You deal with me honestly, and with candour, and never hold any expectations against me except success. I appreciate your faith in me.” Daigo takes a couple of steps forward, until his shoes almost brush up against Mine’s own. He leans down over Mine’s chair. “I could not do this without your backing and help. Truly. I don’t think I’ve ever had someone like you in my life. A true friend.”

Mine tilts his chin up to meet Daigo’s gaze, a hungry devotion in his eyes, and Daigo, for a moment, wonders if this is wrong. If he should hold back, like Kiryu would. But Daigo is Daigo, and Mine clearly wants him anyway, so he leans down and kisses him.

Mine’s mouth is velvety smooth and wet and hot and it is oh-so satisfying a feeling to put his hand against Mine’s broad neck and feel his warmth up against Daigo. He pulls back, with a satisfied sigh, and feels the burn of wasabi across his lips, a final parting kick.

[stuntgirlatthevampiremansion]

To the Rhythm of the Ocean

Pairing: Jake Kiszka/reader

word count: 2,226

warnings: first person POV, the reader is mentioned to be an artist and bisexual but it is not important to the plot. Other than that its just a fluffy day at the beach. 😊

A/n: at last, I finally wrote a fic. It is extremely self-indulgent and was inspired by some anons that @safari-karrot got that I definitely did NOT send ;). I also want to thank Kate for being my beta! I worked pretty hard on it and im proud of it. Hope you enjoy!

-----------

Walking into the elevator of my apartment complex, I was able to let my shoulders relax and my guard down for the first time all day. The day at the studio was intense today, and for all the wrong reasons. No matter how much I tried, I wasn’t able to create anything, as if all of the motivation and drive to do my work had burned out. I was burnt out. I was lucky enough to score an apartment next door to a pair of twins, Jake and Josh, who quickly became good friends. And even more fortunate, they had come back home this week from recording with their band, which meant I could spend my afternoon with them instead of alone in my own apartment. 

I entered my house and set my bags and work down on the dining table. It was impossible to make out where the table was under pile of unfinished sketches and work plans, but that was a tomorrow problem. I put on the kettle to make some tea and shot Jake a text asking if I could come over. 

  Jake... in the last couple of years that i have known the twins, the have become an indispensable part of my life. We take turns cooking for the three of us and hosting movie nights, an even go do laundry together. Having them away for so long felt like a hole had been carved out of my soul, and it also made my harboring crush on Jake ache deeper and deeper. He was unlike anyone I had ever met, we understood each other in a way I never thought I would have with anyone, yet he was still an enigma. He was insanely talented and driven, and he was smart. And kind. And funny. And extremely easy on the eyes. I would never tell him this though, his friendship is all I can get, and I’ll learn to live with that. 

His text came back telling me that his door was open. I finished and drank my tea, washed my face, changed into more comfortable clothes, and made my way next door. 

When I came into the twins’s apartment Jake was sitting on the sofa playing his guitar, a small notebook sat on his lap. At my entrance, he sent a smile my way, but continued playing. 

“Where is Josh?” 

“He’s out filming. Why, did you need him?” 

“No, just wonderin’.” 

“You know, if you just want to hang out with me to try to get into my brother’s pants, you could have just told me. And I want no part of it. Here I was thinking we were best friends.” He teased and wiped fake tears from his eyes, but his smile said that he was just messing. That did not, however, stop my nerves. Best friend.

“I do not want to get into your brother’s pants, Jake. They wouldn’t fit me.” I took of my boots and plopped on the couch next to him. “I’m your best friend?! What about Josh, Danny and Sam?”

“That’s different, they’re my brothers.”

“Hm... I guess you’re a fine friend too, one could even say the best one I’ve had.” Friend. 

“And the best one you’ll ever have.” He set his guitar down to his other side, “how was the studio today? Any new paintings?“ 

I let out an exasperated sigh “I wish. I am incredible burned out, I can barely even pick up a pencil! I have gotten close to nothing done all week and Rachel keeps asking me out, I don’t know what to do anymore.”

“Rachel? What did you say?” If I didn’t know better I would’ve thought I saw pain flash across his face.

“I told her no, but that is besides the point. I’m just so out of it...” 

“You do look like you need some adventure.”

“You could say that” 

“You know what?” He got up from the couch and pulled me to stand with him. “I’ll give it to you. Go get dressed, I’ll get everything ready.” 

  “What? Where are we going?”

“If i tell you it wont be a surprise. Now go to your house and get ready.” 

“Then what do I wear?”

He seemed to think about it for a while, then said “something comfortable, but tropical.” 

“Jake, that tells me absolutely nothing—“

“You’ll figure it out. Now leave, and don’t come back unless you’re on party business.” It was futile to keep going so I just stuck my tongue back at him and walked out of the door and into my apartment. 

I settled on wearing a short blue sundress, boots, and a pair of sunglasses. I walked back into his apartment to find Jake in the shortest shorts i have even seen him wear, an unbuttoned white shirt, and his signature combination of necklaces and a bucket hat. “Are those Sam’s?” 

“No, I own shorts too.” He put down two boxes on the coffee table and looked me over once. “That is exactly what I meant! Now carry this to the car.” He handed me a box full of snacks and drinks and we made our way down to the car. 

I rode shotgun. He still refused to tell where we were headed. No matter how much I pushed and tried to wear him down, he just said to wait and find out. We got busy talking and listening to music and I gave up asking. Instead, I admired the scenery passing around us, and I admired Jake, with the windows down, his hair wild in the wind, and rocking out to our playlist. He had the ability to make me happy by just taking me on a drive. He didn’t even have to try. 

Eventually the buildings turned into trees, and the trees to palm trees, until finally we arrived at a clearing by the ocean. Jake parked the car, “We’re here!”

“You brought me to the beach!” He brought me to the beach! The ocean! The one place I loved most in the world. “I could marry you right now!” I threw my arms around him and jumped out of the car. My boots were off in a second and by the next my feet were already in the water. Jake did the same before joining me at the shore. 

“So, was it a good surprise?” I could hear his smile without even looking at him. And he knew the answer before I even spoke.

“The best! Thank you, Jake. Really.” 

We set on an easy pace through the shore, side by side. Each picking out seashells and skipping rocks on the water. The sun wasn’t unbearable, for it was afternoon. The sky was blue and almost cloudless, the only thing that altered it were the shapes of birds flying overhead. The sand was coarse and stuck to our feet, but it wasn’t burning. The sea... it was an array of the bluest blues one could imagine, all coexisting for our pleasure. Jake was glowing,  and I must have been too, I was incandescently happy. 

Back at the car, I set out our snacks and liquor while Jake put in some music. Halfway through our first meal and first bottle, Jake turned up the radio, and waited for my reaction.

“I love this song!”

“I know you do, thats why I put it.” He took our food and put it away on the roof of the car; and for the second time today, pulled me by the hand to stand. “let’s dance” 

His touch sent electric currents up my back. Best friend. “this song isn’t danceable, Jake!”

“It is if we want it to be.” And he held my hand in his and dragged me towards the clearing. The breeze was calming, the sea was a splendid blue. The waves lapped at the shore, not strong enough to disrupt our song.

Turns out, the song was danceable after all; and so were all the others that came after it. We held each other while we took turns twirling and laughing, belting our lyrics and acting out the drama of the songs. Every lick of his fingers on my skin left a burning sensation, yet I couldn't get enough. If he knew what this was doing to me... If he knew I was drunk on him and falling on every shared glance, every smile, every touch. 

The sun started its descend and our dancing got closer. He held his hands of my waist, my chest pressed against his, my hands on his shoulders as we swayed around our little ballroom of a clearing. My spine tingled, with every inhale, I got drunk in his scent of pine and peppermint.   

We got lost in our dancing, and then he got lost in the horizon. The sky had started to turn all shades of orange and pink, the water glimmered upon our eyes like tiny mirrors. A pelican flew over us and dived into the water in search for dinner. 

We had stopped moving, yet his hands remained placed at the small of my back, he looked at ease. My fingers twirled a strand of his hair, he didn’t mind. 

He looked like he belonged in the landscape, to the oranges and pinks that tinted the sky, he belonged to nature.

And I belonged looking at him, within arms reach yet so unattainable. He would always be a mystery. There was always more to him than met the eye, and even after years of knowing him, I hadn’t deciphered him completely. And I didn’t intend to, he was just like that. And he wasn’t mine to understand like that. 

If all I would get were stolen glances with the setting sun as out witness, I’d take it. Because right here, right now, the sight before me was one to behold. Jakes eyes were transfixed on the horizon, his mouth agape. The sun was finally hiding behind the waves, which mean our day was coming to an end. I tried not to think about it, I wouldn’t let the sun steal the light of this day from me. Ocean breeze ruffled his long hair, and as I saw the last light of day melt into his golden brown eyes, I knew that home wasn’t a place. Home is a person. And he was mine. But he would never know, for I doubted I’d be his. 

I was thrown out of my daydream when he slightly pulled back and chuckled. “ So home is a person, huh?” 

“I— “ I said that out loud. Shit shit shit. I just stared at him like a deer in the headlights. There was no way to dig myself out of this, so I remained silent. Though my hear was beating like a drum and I was certain that he could feel it due to how close he still held on. Best friends don’t say that. 

There was a shit-eating grin on his face, one that said he certainly knew what was going through my head. Instead of taunting me further, he said the words I’d most longed fo hear. 

“Then you are certainly mine” 

Nothing could stop the smile that broke out across both of our faces at that.  “And you mine” 

Before he had time to reply, I grabbed his face and pulled his lips to mine. There was static in the air, his lips were incredibly soft and tasted of coffee and chocolate. His mouth moved with expertise against mine, he held me close. Closer. Closer even still, until there was no space left between us. My heart was pounding, he licked at my bottom lip asking for entrance, which I gave, and deepened the kiss. My hands held on to him tightly, as if he would disappear would I let go. He dipped me slightly and I swore I would fall on the sand if he hadn’t held me. The purple sky could’ve turned bright yellow and I would have paid no attention. 

We pulled apart for air and the sun was completely gone. 

“Jake, I—“

“I know, I feel it too. I have for a while.”

“I was so scared that you wouldn't. Ive felt this way for you for the longest time, I—” 

“But I do!” 

“But you do!”

He pecked my lips and whispered close to my ear “And if you want, we’ll make it official. Right now. You and me, and a million sunsets to come.”

“I’m yours for as long as you want me, Jake.”

“And I’m yours forever, y/n. Even when i’m far away.” 

No words could describe what I felt. It’s as if my blood was replaced by honey and my ribcage contained the moon in all her love and glory.  “I wish I could stay here forever, in this moment. With you, and round the world.”

“Check the trunk.” He smiled too wide and untangled his arms from mine.

I reluctantly let go of him and walked towards the car. He tossed me the keys and I popped the trunk open to see the second box Jake hadn’t let me look into. I opened it and found all sorts of camping gear: One tent, two sleeping bags, toiletries, even pajamas. Jake creeped up behind me and slid his arms around my waist. I turned around with an incredulous grin.

“Is that a tent?!”

“That is a tent, sweetheart.”

The end.

—- A/N: I literally CANNOT write unless its in 1st POV. This is 100% self-indulgent, and I have no idea how to write a kiss. Hope you enjoyed it nonetheless! 

[redxblueihateloveyou]

THANK YOU for saying all of that about the sk8 fandom. I think it's mainly because it's a young fandom with a lot of young people, but yeah, they have zero chill. It gets kinda annoying when you actually stop and think about the show and realize that a lot of things are just,,, not the way they think they are/should be

Also, I have compared some Reki and Langa scenes to rinharu scenes, but it's mostly because I see them and think "nice reference Utsumi" because they remind me of them so much, but to say RL are in the same level as them, or any other couple they've compared then to is kind of a stretch. Reki and Langa are, at best, a very very tame version of any of those, and while is see why they would focus a lot more on the puppy love thing they have it really pales in comparison (although they don't really compare it to free! because they're so hellbent in calling it queerbait as though half of the scenes they claim are so romantic did not also happen in there before, because they really don't understand how romantic coding works in anime).

Anyway, your blog is amazing :)) You always come off as a very smart person who is also just so done with people's stupidity and I'm 100% here for that haha

Haha no problem, needed to get it out of my system anyways. It’s true, but also once again being young shouldn’t always mean you’re that stupid, let’s be real here. And if you are that stupid, they need to know about it at least, so next time they’ll maybe think twice before saying stuff they say.

Their main problem these days is their herd feeling, it’s like one says smth stupid, others, having no brain of their own, repeat it and here’s what we have at the end. A whole field of a damn cicadas meaninglessly shrilling. 

It would be much more entertaining if they’d have enough brains to at least not put sticks in their own wheels, but they sadly don’t, so taking them down isn’t even satisfying. Not to mention the fact that you don’t even have to do anything, sooner or later they’ll embarrass themselves, cause the combination like “a sense of self-importance we have, but real life experience and brains we don’t have” leads to a disaster. Tiktok won’t help you with everything and half of them don’t even know what they’re talking about in most cases, they only love throwing loud words trying to scare easily impressionable ppl these days, cause everyone is like “I don’t wanna be cancelled so I won’t say anything” lol.

They just do not get that when you start smth like this, same as with a good lies, you gotta be smart. Like ok, they don’t distinguish real life from fiction, fine, but they can’t even check the age of the characters of their other ships before yelling “pedo” about others, so idk what to say here really. I just truly feel bad sometimes about even saying smth, bc like maybe just let them be, imagine the embarrassment of being this stupid? Who even puts them in charge of other ppl’s money idk. 

Yeah, I understand I compared the scenes, too, it’s inevitable, cause they’re all there haha. I was like “our” and thats also “ours” lmao. What I do not get is why would you compare them as if they have the same relationship depth (like high schoolers who have known each other for a month and a couple who knew each other for 7+ years and who planned their future together) or say that the reasonings behind the character’s behavior are same, when they’re entirely and I mean ENTIRELY different. It’s like not even anywhere near same. Like the comparartion of their break up with 13 year old Rin just hit me too hard, I was like.. let’s just not, not pls haha I’ll write a damn essay, but pls it hurts my soul seeing this. And comparing their fist bumb (ai, excuuuse me, eternity sign) to victuuri exchanging rings, I was just on the floor seriously. I just can’t handle the fandom of this pairing, it’s too weird for me. Logic left the chat on their tag and holy shit they’re blind to everything. I’m even glad I’m not into this pairing, cause I feel kinda sad for normal ppl who are into it, bc its like entering a kindergarden. Llike an absolute zero connection to reality, reading too much into things and all the chastity belts in one place, I was like... oh damn I’m too old for this shit and even if I was invested I’d probably still run away haha.

I’m really happy that you enjoy the blog! Thank you so much <3 Haha I have zero tolerance for stupidity, true. It’s such a bad quality tho, I sometimes suffer a lot just by seeing smth and be like “I can’t, I just have to say smth, I just have to, otherwise I wouldn’t be able to sleep, it’s that stupid” lmao.

And sometimes part of me goes like “you know it’s pointless, it’s like talking to a tree”, but other part of me is like “no, it talks, and it means I can shut them up” lol. But I truly don’t get why ppl listen to this and indulge them seriously. Like I know stupid ppl prevail in this world in general, but like in fandoms they’re pretty easy to dethrone, if you bring up the right arguments. And I know in rare occasions, when you really cut them deep, they tend to attack in large groups like locusts, but it’s not like they can eat me through a computer screen, so idk. If I’ll get invested in that one ship after s12 I just might poke them a bit more out of spite lmao.

But also they are kids really, I mean, you can scroll through the tag and know for sure that like “yeah, that’s kid’s perspective”. Most of them didn’t even reach the age of the characters they’re watching things about, but like to pretend that they know stuff and most these days don’t have enough additional knowlenge to be smarter than their age, cause they are too busy well, tweeting about the stuff they know nothing about, so it’s kinda not really enjoyable to talk to them since I’d rather discuss it with someone who at least was in high school already and you know, not extra lol. 

I’m just kinda upset that it turns out to be a kids fandom, that’s all. Cause like chats and dms and sisters are great, but like I want the tag to look hella different, seriously. Bc I’m interested in characters and relationships complexity, not pink vomit. Well, you know the enjoyment of a great fandom. It’s a bliss. I have those thankfully haha.

[paintmelikeoneofyourfrenchpoodle]

((Alright, so this is probably way overdo.

Why the heck Jade gets so weird about sex sometimes:

Alright, so this is going to be a little ridiculously long, but if you want to know? I’m putting it under the cut. Also, TW: there is a brief mention of abuse. Not of her, but its relevant. I’ll also put another warning when that part is about to come up. 

Okay so, I’m going to start of with some context. So for anyone who might not know, this Jade is pretty old. I started rping her as her back in… I think late December of 2015 or early January of 2016? Either way, it was a few months before Homestuck actually ended. At this point obviously we had no idea how it was going to end, or what was going to happen to the characters at that point. Heck, if I remember correctly GIGAPAUSE, or whatever it was called, was still going on.

Anyway, didn’t know they were going basically jump start civilization and jump into the future, that’s for sure. So, not knowing how things were going to turn out for Jadey girl here, I basically made some educated guesses based on what we knew at the time, and mixed in my own ideas and head-canons to create the timeline this Jade now exists in. This included the loss of the meteor lab, building a new civilization from the ground up (and actually sticking around to help build it), and having everyone live in a fairly small, tight knit community. Mind you, some minor things have changed to reflect the retcon John did, but mostly I’ve kept things fairly the same.

So what does this mean for Jade or have anything to do with her sexuality? We’ll get to that, but I’m going to prelude things by saying it isn’t just sex she gets worked up about. It’s relationships and intimacy in general, and there isn’t really one set reason why. There is a gosh darn list.

1) She doesn’t have the best social skills. Growing up on an island with the only human contact being through the internet isn’t exactly the best way to nurture healthy emotional development. To top it all off, she spent those 3 years on the ship basically alone thinking she killed John and Davesprite. She isn’t a complete social ignoramus obviously, but she has her awkward moments and she KNOWS it. Which, can give her some major social anxiety in general. And as far as relationships, even friendships go, she is constantly worried she is going to screw things up. She also just wasn’t used to people in general for a good while. 

Mind you, it’s almost been 10 years since the end of the game now from her perspective so she has improved drastically, but there are still some hangups that she has. For example, she doesn’t handle crowds well considering she was so used to being alone. Can Town is full mostly people she is familiar with and the population is only 1,000ish, so she is mostly in her comfort zone still even during busier occasions. However, notice Jake and her chose to move outside of town when they got the chance? There you go. 

2) She isn’t used to physical touch. Which… is really sad considering how much she actually loves it. Again, this is something that has improved over the years, but she still doesn’t like being messed with by people she doesn’t know.

3) She honestly thinks that in the end she will end up alone. Jade, hasn’t exactly had the best luck with romance. Remember, her timeline is fairly small, and pretty much everyone she might be compatible with already paired up with someone else. To top it off, she had (and still kind of has) a massive crush on her timeline’s Dave, and built up a lot of false hope that something might eventually happen between the two of them thanks to John telling her about Davesprite and Davepeta kissing her that one time. Yeah, that didn’t happen. He ended up getting with Karkat finally when they were around 22, and while she is happy for them and supports them in any way she can, it kind of broke her heart. 

She also hasn’t had the best luck with people she’s been interested in online/from other timelines either. Usually, by the time she realizes she might be interested in someone they end vanishing, dating someone else, or they actually… end up being kinda awful people she shouldn’t have liked in the first place. (*cough*Venom*cough*) Also, she has a habit of dwelling on the whole “space players are destined to be alone” thing from time to time. Over the years she has genuinely started to think that she just isn't cut out for being anyones partner romantic/sexual/otherwise, and that people aren’t ever going to be interested in her for whatever reason. She’s built up this shell around herself, this illusion that she has come to terms with things, so that when that eventuality happens, she’ll maybe not be hurt so badly. So when someone shatters that illusion? She panics and gets flustered, and remember… she is related to these guys:

(Mind you Jake had plenty of reason to act like that, but it was the only one I could find with a quick google search.)

But yeah, I think big reactions kind of runs in her family.

4) She’s inexperienced. Three times as of this point. Yep. Thats it. That’s all she has done. Ever. Don’t get her wrong, she has really enjoyed it and really gets into things once she was able to get over the jitters. Plus, she was the one that asked for it each time. But she doesn’t like not knowing what she is doing, and it wigs her out because she doesn’t want to mess things up. Also fun fact, she’s never been on a non pale date before. Just throwing that in there.

5) The whole being part dog thing. As much as she loves being part canine, she actually can be real self conscious about it at times. Also, she *hates* how people will sometimes look at her as a fetish, and gets worried that if someone is interested in her its because she is a dog girl, and not because of who she is. She does enjoy indulging in her dog side (girl likes being pet), but she wants to make sure someone to see her as herself first and foremost. Being part dog should just be a bonus.

6) She’s a bit of a hopeless romantic. She wants to actually have a connection with people, and honestly is that so wrong? One night stands, flings, or casual whatevers aren’t completely out of the question, but at least give her a chance to be friends with you first geez. 7) She’s scared of being hurt. This is kind of caused by a combination of things up top, but she genuinely is afraid of the idea of being fucked and dumped. She’s got enough emotional issues as is, and does not need that on her conscious as well. Getting intimate with her in any way can take a lot of trust depending on the person. Additionally… 

*Okay, so here is the part I warned about up top.* She has had far too many friends who have been taken advantage of and abused. There have been several people that she has been close to over the years that have been seriously messed up by their partners. Jade’s smart and she knows it, but she also knows she can be really naive about certain things as well. It’s kind of the cherry on top of all her paranoia.

Okay bad part over

So yeah! This is ridiculously long, but there you go. I feel like it is important to note that Jade does really enjoy being with someone intimately and/or sexually given the chance. It just can take some work getting her out of her shell. It’s something she knows she needs to work on, and would like to. However, she hasn’t really ever had many opportunities to.

Also, her behaviors really only apply to herself for the most part. She might get a little embarrassed by other people talking about their own stuff from time to time, but she actually can get a real kick out of it sometimes as well. Has been known to have lengthy conversations with people about their own preferences, sexual interests, habits, ect. She will even tease other people about it! It’s when it gets flipped back on her somehow that she starts getting worked up. Heck, she is normally fine with people getting her flustered because she *knows* a lot of her own behavior is ridiculous, and that when people pick at her it is usually harmless friend banter.  She also usually knows when people are being truly malicious towards her and WILL defend herself. Don’t think she is a pushover just because she looks like she is an easy target. This girl has some bite alongside that bark.

Anyway, there is probably some more I could add to this but again it is stupid long at this point. I hope this isn’t too confusing and explains a few things.

[bare1ythere]

Tape Recorders and the Broken Camera - A Theory

This came to me yesterday and I then spent ~2 hours writing this out. It’s Incredibly self indulgent and probably a bit ramble-y but sometimes you need to let yourself say and much as you want about your hyperfixation.. as a treat.

Word count is 1.5k, let me know what you think!!

TLDR: The Tape Recorders were able to manifest within Upton House as both they and the broken camera are artifacts of the Extinction. (Reasoning under the cut!)

As a start, I think it’s important to think about how Smirke’s 14 as a categorization system is more or less useless, but only about as useless as the categorization of things in real life. As much as a lot of folks’d like it to be (me included), nothing is really clearcut. In the context of TMA, consider the fear that your life, or life in general, is insignificant. Would this belong to The Vast (Insignificance and being small in the grand scheme of things) or The End (The inevitable end of your life, and the end of your impact in the universe)? Both? I think the answer to that depends on who you ask, honestly. Not only that, but there’s plenty of statements that don’t have a clear entity attached to them. Binary, Thrown Away, and Confession are a few examples of these.

The truth is that Smirke’s list of 14 isn’t as clear cut as we’d like to think. Trying to put things into clear cut boxes is something humans have been doing for forever, and Robert Smirke’s attempts at understanding The Fears are no different. The Fears are really just one amorphous thing, a spectrum (“colours except if colours hated [us]” (MAG111)) that doesn’t really fit any one definition without exceptions.

I think remembering this is important when thinking about how Jon, Martin, and co are going to try to reverse The Change. Using the Web or the Eye or some other plot-important power to reverse the apocalypse doesn’t seem likely to me since these fears don’t Really exist, and are just the names we call aspects of the one amorphous Entity that feeds on fear.

(“the Fears[…] can never be truly separated from each other. When does the fear of sudden violence transition into the fear of hunted prey? When does the mask of the Stranger become the deception of the Spiral?” (MAG160))

This is also relevant now considering how the tape recorders were still able to manifest in Salesa’s oasis, outside of the influence of both the Eye AND the Web.

So how was this possible? For the entire podcast it seemed that Jon’s tape recorders were Eye aligned. I mean, they’re an Eye avatar’s tape recorders for a reason. However, they aren’t a staple of an Archivist’s abilities; there were archivists before tape recorders existed (MAG53), and notably, Gertrude never used them when reading statements for herself (MAG111):

ARCHIVIST: Did [Gertrude] read statements?

GERARD: Sometimes. If she was getting shaky. They perked her up, I think. Feeding the Eye, you know? I’d sometimes hear her through the wall, just reading into the air, feeling it all.

ARCHIVIST: She… she didn’t use a tape recorder?

GERARD: Not when I was with her. She travelled light. Left things behind.

That means the tape recorders are unique to Jon rather than The Archivist as a role.

I’ve seen a lot of theories about the tape recorders being manifestations of the Web instead, but despite how cool these are, I don’t think thats true. For one, how do randomly-manifesting tape recorders listening in on what is happening to you feed the fear of being manipulated or losing control? The recorders themselves are passive; they almost never impact the actions of the characters themselves. In fact, most of the time they’re completely ignored - especially in S5. Though it’s true that Web-touched artifacts like Jon’s lighter often get swept past and left unconsidered to benefit the Web’s plan, that isn’t really what’s happening here. They’re very aware that these tape recorders aren’t normal (MAG161):

MARTIN: Hey – Hey, when did you start recording?

ARCHIVIST: (confusion) I – didn’t. I only brought one, and I’ve been using it to play the tapes.

MARTIN: Oh. (sigh) That’s not a great sign.

ARCHIVIST: No. No, it’s not.

And again in MAG181:

SALESA: Now tell me, do you know why there’s a tape recorder here? I noticed it just now, but I don’t believe I actually own one.

ARCHIVIST: Uh… Not really.

MARTIN: They sort of just… follow us round.

This doesn’t really sound like something that would fit the Web. You could argue that the recorders are the Web’s way of getting information on what’s going on with Jon and Martin, but they already use spiders for that. Also, the recorders were still able to manifest within Upton House (!!!) where supposedly no power could get through. But it’s not like there’s some Other eldritch entity unrelated to the Fears that the recorders could be related to, so how was the recorder able to manifest?

I think it has to do with how Salesa’s broken camera is related to the Fears. It was unclear which fear it was aligned to in this episode, only that it feeds on “the quiet worries that come from living in hiding” (MAG181). That’s why I started this whole thing talking about Smirke’s list. I don’t really know which of the fears that would apply to. Honestly, of the main 14, it could apply to a combination: The Dark (fear of not knowing what’s out there beyond your sanctuary), the Lonely (fear of hiding alone for the rest of your life), and the End (Fear of the inevitable collapse of your safe haven and your death.) I really don’t think it could be any one of these fears alone, only a combination could explain the camera’s existence.

The weird thing, though, is that we’ve never really seen an artifact this complicated before. Most artifacts had a pretty basic, non-nuanced relationship to the fears. Never as vague as this camera.

Unless!

THE BROKEN CAMERA IS AN ARTIFACT OF THE EXTINCTION!

If you think about it, all of the aspects I mentioned above for the fear of being in hiding can be connected to the extinction.

The Dark: The Fear of not knowing what’s out there beyond your sanctuary The Extinction: The fear of what’s beyond your safe haven, what’s changed without you being there

The Lonely: The Fear of hiding alone for the rest of your life The Extinction: The fear of being the last person alive, forced to reckon with the changed world/whatever you’re hiding from alone

The End: The Fear of the inevitable collapse of your safe haven and your death The Extinction: The fear of being the last of what’s left of humanity, with the end of your life being the end of all of us

Not only that, but the camera itself is a manmade device (with the extinction having heavy technological themes). It’s also prime real estate to feed on the fears of those with bunkers/doomsday preppers, and Salesa’s acquisition of it was DIRECTLY related to wanting to survive a potential apocalypse. Even if it weren’t inherently extinction related from the beginning, its current use means that the fear it’s absorbing IS extinction related, whether or not that was the reason for its original manifestation.

So with the broken camera being an artifact related to the extinction, what does that mean for the tape recorders?

What if the reason the tape recorders can manifest within the Upton House is because they share an entity with the camera? And they can exacerbate the fear of being in hiding without removing the hiding aspect that makes it work? (after all, the tape recorders did first manifest again after the change when Jon and Martin were in hiding at the safehouse.)

Same with the creature of the Crawling Rot that paid Salesa a visit, the tape recorders can serve to remind the user of the camera that their bunker is not impenetrable. The reason it’s different from the corruption creature is that the tape recorder was Able to manifest within Upton House rather than just wander in. If it’s not related to feeding the same fear as the camera, why would the camera let it in at a risk of ruining its purpose?

The tape recorders’ connection with the broken camera seems to point to them being extinction-aligned, but they also serve as a form of record of How the World Changed and What is Left Without Us. This concept was a huge aspect of S5’s extinction statement (MAG175) as well.

This raises a lot of questions about why the tape recorders manifest for Jon specifically. Is he an extinction-aligned eye avatar? Are they not Really his, but manifest around him as they recognize his importance in the story of the apocalypse (which would make sense, since tapes have manifested for Just martin throughout S4 and S5)?  What does this mean for the extinction and how the Change can be reversed? I’m not really sure to be honest!! I guess we’ll have to wait and see.

Starting at the beginning of S5, though, I thought that the podcast had to end with Jon’s death, as the tape recorders, a part of Jon, are the way we hear what actually happens in the podcast. I don’t think that’s necessarily the case anymore. The recorders, as manifestations of the extinction, wanted to drink in the fear of an incoming/ongoing disaster. It’s extremely likely they wouldn’t care to hear the relief of a saved world.

[gayregis]

honestly whats interesting about geryen is that like. having only the canon book material their relationship is imo much more understandable as two victims clinging to a dynamic where they endlessly drag one another down and cant ever truly heal bc theyre both incompatible and stuck rather than some genuine romance. esp with how geralt whos like Severely starved for affection and also fully lacks emotional intelligence binds himself to a woman who at the time had done nothing but manipulate him

like idk all their cutesy romance bits in the later books feel completely out of place when from what we've seen since SOD they were apart for years with a brief break on thanedd and we can figure out that every time they were together for a longer period of time it ended horribly. they were literally never in a genuine healthy relationship (in TOC they spent a night together where they also immediately started falling back on their toxic behaviors) and idk it doesnt sit right with me in any way

also im so sorry but just as a sidenote. sapkowski fully failed in the romance department where he made it canon that yennefer needs a spell for geralt to get it up. like he cant try and make me believe theyre so in love and that its well written after he made me read that

i mean i disagree with this because i think having similarities with another victim can help you process what happened to you, to share vulnerability... i feel like they are just very similar people at the end of the day, and this can foster both a supportive and a detrimental environment. i dont think geralt bound himself to yennefer because he lacked emotional intelligence, i think he’s an adult man capable of making full decisions and he bound himself to yennefer out of compassion because they were both in pain. 

i think he and yennefer both hurt each other in the last wish (geralt was thinking misogynistically towards her, as she points out - the comment about “for the stony way you look at me, for your eyes which fish for every detail (...) for thinking that you could stand face-to-face with yennefer of vengerberg and beliver her to be full of self-admiration and arrogance, a calculating witch, white staring at her soapy tits!” and yennefer got her “revenge” for this which basically is a statement which says, you can’t use me. and her revenge isn’t a #girlboss moment, it’s not feminist, it comes out of fear of being used and disrespected, it’s a reaction to the abuse she has suffered before. neither one of them is willing to trust the other, and they bring each other down, as you said - but then geralt’s wish, which binds them together, condemns him to her, i think is like an extension of a hand from one victim to another. she can’t understand at first, she’s shocked that he would give her another look after they both treated each other poorly, she’s shocked that he didn’t kill her. he demonstrates goodwill to her when he didn’t have to, and i don’t think this comes out of a lack of emotional intelligence, i think it comes from having emotional intelligence, the intelligence to recognize that she’s in the same kind of pain that he is. and geralt, as we know from his characterization, is the merciful type that would choose to un-curse a striga instead of kill her, wouldn’t bring his sword to deal with a “devil”... he’s compassionate, and he extended this compassion to yennefer to show her that they don’t have to be enemies. however, this initial act of kindness and the honeymoon-esque love at first sight love that envelopes them then isn’t the kind of love that lasts a lifetime. they fall out of love soon enough (inverting the love at first sight trope). they then have to basically come back together to work at what love really is, because real love takes work - and at first, they can’t do it, they cant commit, but then...

i think there is appropriate context between the sword of destiny and time of contempt for why they now succeed in bein together for longer periods of time, and the answer is ciri. being parents individually helped them grow out of their more immature and selfish behaviors, made them relize that there is something more important than just themselves (more personally, i dont care if this specific part is unrealistic, because. self indulgent fantasy). 

so yeah also idk really what you mean by falling back into toxic behaviors in time of contempt because like idk what did they do in time of contempt that was toxic?? have sex????? yennefer playfully dragging him for his fantasy of playing house?? i just dont think that yennefer is as manipulative to geralt as you are making her out to be. i could be wrong since geryennefer parts tend to bore me in the books so i dont reread them with the repetitiveness and intensity that i reread a hansa scene with but thats from what i remember anyways