#i think that's the best course of action
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obviously, i fully intend to leave this s/i my age
#typewriter dings#i think that's the best course of action#anyway. they're just like me!#they're in college and they're an english major#only ridgeville is a rich people school so they got a scholarship#(i've gotten scholarships but never a full ride to anywhere)#they do tutoring on the side (which i hope to do next semester or the semester after)#and they're a couple years ahead of bill#and only really hear about him through classmates#like *oh bill did this* or *oh didn't you hear?* gossip#they meet him entirely by chance (they don't go to football games)#he happens to be on the steps of the boys' dorms when they walk past#and he's clearly a bit down so they try to see if they can help#tbh i like the nerd x jock college romance trope#sue me#the only thing is...it's never specified what bill and junior intend to major in#(probably because they haven't declared a major yet)#i have to come up with a headcanon#i'm operating post-canon because i cannot be assed to fix this mess of a movie#anywayyyyyy i'm so cringe#but i'm freeeeee
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“oh no people tell me I have no sense of personal space and I'm a man and her unofficial coach what if I've been making her uncomfortable- and Akane is like nah. You're not gonna do anything to me I can feel it. Like hes the only person who can overpower her but he just uses that strength to be there for her” og my god. i need a minute after that ome. god i had a whole long winded analysis of this and i was gonna put it all here but i seriously have no words. this is so real in every possible way and a lil too relatable lmfao
ITMEANS A LOT TO ME OKAY. I too could rsnt but idk where it would go
#Akanidai#Like... the way he thinks putting her first is just a Duh action like of course shes the most important look at her!!!#The way she is used to being on her own and taking care of others but finally someone thinks she's worth putting first ....#The way shes used to being treated badly especially if vulnerable (which is why she never IS) and the way he would just literally die first#Akane being like ok here I am. In his room. At night. Comparatively weak. This is when other guys would take advantage#And hes like hey are you cold? Hungry? I was thinking we could work on your breathing tomorrow. You're doing great at LIFTS!#HE SAYS HES IMPRESSED BY HER STRENGTH BUT HE WANTS HER TO GROW SPIRITUALLY.... he wants her to be her best self....#Why does no one talk about them I love them#an art
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I think the key component to my personal reading of post-Delphi Pharma is that he's trying to be a horrible person on purpose. Not "on purpose" in the way that people have free will to exercise their own choices, but in that Pharma's "mad doctor" persona is a performance he puts on to deliberately embrace how much everyone else hates him. Basically, if people already think you're a "bad Autobot" and a horrible doctor who just kills his patients for fun, why try to prove otherwise to people who have already made up their minds about you? Just fully embrace the fact that people see you as an asshole. Don't try to change their minds. Don't plead for their forgiveness or understanding. Just stop caring. If you're going to be remembered as a monster, you might as well be a memorable monster, and eke as much pleasure and hedonism as you can out of it before karma catches up to you and you inevitably crash and burn.
I mean, I guess you could just go the route of "Oh, Pharma was always a fucked up creepy guy and Delphi was just him taking the mask off," but I really don't like that interpretation because, for one, it feels really wrong to take a character like Pharma becoming evil under duress and going, "Oh well clearly he did the things he did because he was evil all along," as if somehow Pharma breaking under blackmail/torture/threat of horrible death was a sign of him having poor moral character. As opposed to, you know, suffering under the very real threat of horrible death for himself and everyone he cares about while being manipulated by a guy who specializes in psychological torture.
The second reason is that it just doesn't make sense to write Pharma as having been evil all along. I mean...
Occam's Razor says that the best argument is the one with the simplest explanation. Doesn't it make way more sense to take Pharma's appearances in flashbacks, his friendship with Ratchet, his stunning medical accomplishments, and the few we see of him speaking kindly/sympathetically (or in the least charitable interpretation, at least professionally) towards his patients and conclude "This guy was just a normal person, if exceptionally talented." Taking all of these flashback appearances at face value and assuming Pharma was being genuine/honest is a way simpler and more logical explanation than trying to argue that Pharma for the past 4 million years was just faking being a good doctor/person. I mean, it's possible within the realm of headcanon, but the fact is Pharma's appearances in the story are so brief that there simply wasn't room in the story for there to be some sort of secret conspiracy/hidden manipulation behind why Pharma acted the way he did in the past.
I just can't help but look at things like Pharma's friendship with Ratchet (himself a good person and usually a fine judge of character) and the fact that even post-Delphi, pretty much every single mention of Pharma comes with some mention of "He was a good doctor for most of his life" or "He was making major headways in research [before he started killing patients]" which implies that even the Autobots themselves see Pharma's villainy as a recent turn in his life compared to how for "most of his life" he "used to be" a good doctor.
And although Pharma doesn't know this, we as the readers (and even other characters like Rung) know about Aequitas technology and the fact that it actually works, so... if Pharma really was an unrepentant murderer, why couldn't he get through the forcefield too? The Aequitas forcefield doesn't require that a person be completely morally pure and free of wrongdoing or else how could Tyrest get through, just that they feel a sense of inner peace and lack feelings of guilt. Pharma has murdered and tortured people by this point, and put on quite a campy and theatrical show of how much he sees it as a fun game, so why then can he not get through?
It circles back to my headcanon at the start of this post that the "mad doctor" persona is just that-- a persona. Delphi/post-Delphi Pharma's laughing madman personality is just so far removed from every flashback we saw of him and everything we can infer based on how other people see/saw him before that, to me, the mad doctor act is (at least in large part, if not fully) a persona that Pharma puts on to put his villainy in the forefront.
To avoid an overly simplistic/ableist take, I don't think Tarn tortured Pharma into turning crazy. To me, it's more like the constant pressure of death by horrific torture, the feeling of martyrdom as Pharma kept secret that he was the only one standing between Delphi and annihilation, the physical isolation of Messatine as well as the emotional separation from Ratchet, being forced to violate his medical oaths (pretty much the only thing Pharma's entire life has been about), etc. All of that combined traumatized Pharma to the point that the only way he could avoid cracking was to just stop caring about all of it. Because at least then, even if he's still murdering patients to save Delphi from a group of sadistic freaks, Pharma doesn't have to feel guilty and sick about doing it. As opposed to the alternatives, which were probably either going off the deep end and killing himself to escape, or confessing to what he did and getting jailed for it.
In that light, Pharma becoming a mad doctor makes sense. It avoids the bad writing tropes of "oh this character who was good his entire life was actually just evil and really good at hiding it" as well as "oh he got tortured and went crazy that's why he's so random and silly and killing people, he's crazy" and instead frames Pharma's evil as something he was forced into, to the point where in order to avoid a full psychological breakdown and keep defending Delphi, he just had to stop caring about the sanctity of life or about what other people might think of him.
Then, of course, the actual Delphi episode happens, and Pharma's own lifelong best friend Ratchet basically spits in his face and sees him as nothing more than a crazy murderer who went rogue from being a good Autobot. Then Pharma gets his hands cut off and left to die on Messatine. At that point, Pharma has not only been mentally/emotionally broken into losing his feelings of compassion, he's received the message loud and clear: He is alone. Everyone hates him. Not even his own best friend likes him any more. No one even cared enough about him to check if he actually died or not. He will only ever be remembered as a doctor who went insane and killed his patients.
So in the light of 1. Having all of your redeeming qualities be squeezed out of you one by one for the sake of survival and 2. Having your reputation and all of your positive relationships be destroyed and 3. People only know/care about you as "that doctor who became evil and killed his patients" rather than the millions of years of good service that came before.
What else is there to do but internalize the fact that you'll forever be seen as a monster and a freak, and embrace it? People already see you as a murderer for that blackmail deal you did, so why not become an actual murderer and just start killing people on a whim? People already see you as an irredeemable monster who puts a stain on the Autobot name, so why beg for their forgiveness when you could just shun them back? You've already become a murderer, a traitor, and a horrible doctor, so what's a few more evil acts added to the pile? It's not like anyone will ever forgive you or love you ever again.
Why care? Why try to hold on to your principles of compassion, kindness, medical ethics, when an entire lifetime of being a good person did nothing to save you from blackmail and then abandonment? Why put yourself through the emotional agony of feeling lonely, guilty, miserable, when you could just... stop caring, and not hurt any more?
#squiggposting#pharma apologism#i'm sure the doylist reason for the writing is just that pharma was a designated villain#so since he's a villain and 'crazy' it's fine for everyone even the good guys to treat him like complete trash#i just think from a watsonian perspective taking a sympathetic approach is way more interesting and logically consistent#what i mean is like. from a meta perspective one of the best ways to show that a character is super evil and not worth saving#is when even the good guy heroes. the ones who are supposed to be kind and compassionate and wise. see him as dirt#and this is also kind of a necessity in most plots bc TF is the kind of series that just needs action villains and long-term antagonists#so not every villain is written or has a plot to be made redeemable. and pharma is one of these bc he's not important or a legacy character#so from a doylist (meta) perspective you could read the autobots' disregard of pharma as a sign of#'this guy is not meant to have your sympathy as a reader. pay no attention to him'#but from a watsonian (in universe) perspective it paints a miserable picture of pharma being utterly forsaken by the ppl he served alongsid#and like yeah i'm super autistic about pharma so of course i view him with sympathy but like#the idea of being a loyal and good person for years only to be subjected to a Torment Nexus of#being blackmailed into breaking all of the oaths you held sacred. under threat of you and all your comrades dying horrible torturous deaths#then when your comrades find out about it they focus solely on the 'harvesting organs' and not on the 'blackmail' part#and then you get literally left for dead by your comrades and best friend hating your guts#and then you get rescued by a guy who uses you as a test subject for his evil machine#this is a fucking nightmare scenario like pharma could hardly be suffering more if the author TRIED to make him suffer#and for me it's like. the evil pharma did can't be decontextualized to what drove him to that. as well as the question of like#how easily ppl can write someone off as evil and turn a blind eye to (or even find satisfaction in) their suffering bc theyre evil#and either brought it on themselves or it's just karma paying a visit#like. i feel like if pharma WERE a shitty doctor and a terrible person his whole life then the delphi situation would feel like karma#but the way it's written and the lore retroactively put in makes it feel more pharma getting thrown in a torture carousel#and THEN becoming evil. but then being treated as if he was always evil or was some sort of bad apple#bc like i'm not opposed to LOLing when a villain gets a karmic torture/death related to the wrongs they committed#but in pharma's case it feels less like karma and more like endless torture + being abandoned by ppl who should have been more loyal
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“Are you crying?” Fina exclaims in alarm. Tsurumi is equally startled when he wipes at his face and his hand comes away wet. Not once had he shed tears, not even when he’d lost them. Pulling a chair up to him, Fina dries his cheeks with soft dabs of her handkerchief. With her hand on his shoulder and her beautiful, bright eyes soft with more love than Tsurumi can bear, she waits for an explanation that he cannot give.
gnawing on "theatre" by Saengak again... it's free serotonin to me
#when I said I'm not above fix-it fics a while ago I meant this one specifically#it's incomplete but just complete enough for my peace of mind <3#it's also really fun to think about how this setup could've played out#I mean. could Tsurumi have saved his men from whatever fucked them up to begin with this time advantage#(I know he realistically wouldn't care to sfjkhdsfjds let me speculate)#tsukishima should be easy. ogata...possible I think#best course of action with usami is to stay away imo#koito family though? I don't think it's fixable without intense mind games.. (assuming Heinojou's death is unavoidable)#neglectful grieving father is better than dead father but Koito would probably grow up a lot more miserable#omom#golden kamuy#tsurumi tokushirou#hasegawa fina#hasegawa kouichi#hasefina#tsurufina#fic fanart#not much but egh
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Bestie Deficiency
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#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#a-qing#xue yang#xiao xingchen#Xue yang is cold because cold blooded creatures can't generate their own body heat#I am skipping over drawing the stories they tell due to the fact this arc is already really dragging#but I think they are very key in understanding the yi-city characters#Even if they are stories that really bring down the slumber party vibes A-Qing was hoping for.#I mentioned some of my thoughts in the tags of no. 76 but to continue on a bit more#I think xxc and xue yangs stories inversely mirror each other on the meaning of sacrifice and what it means to 'deserve' something#to xue yang he has only ever sacrificed - therefore he is in his right to 'deserve' what he wants. And he wants everything.#xxc leaves song lan thinking its the best course of action to atone but my god. No it wasn't. Poor communication crown actually goes to xxc#but it's what xxc he feels he deserves - continued sacrifice to atone. He wants to want nothing.#both are very stuck in the past in ways that are not actually accounting for their actions#It's easy to look at xue yang and go 'dang you need to get over your childhood trauma'#but that very much ignores that fact that we - real human beings - define so much by our childhood pains.#Growth is having to come to terms with it and trying to move past it...and not everyone is ready for that.#I have a lot of thoughts on that matter but I'll let it be for now.#Anyways. Amiguito appears to be one of those words whos meaning change depending on speaker and contextual factors#So as far as I can tell it slides around on the scale on romantic and platonic. Which works for this dynamic. I think.#Native Spanish speakers I am so sorry.
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I cannot believe this fandom has dubbed taub the normal one. while house was doing surgery on himself like a common plebeian edgelord, taub (enlightened and bespoke) was screening his calls for help because he was too busy trying to get executed cartel-style by a stripper
#the only reason house ended up in that situation is because he wanted to heal his chronic pain#which is arguably an extremely understandable motive#taub on the other hand was dealing with the fact that he impregnated two women simultaneously#and determined that the best course of action was to be shot like livestock in the parking lot of a club#I can’t stop thinking about how house called taub#like yes if wilson had shown up instead it would’ve been extremely emotionally charged and intimate#but what if taub showed up? what then? that shit would’ve been unspeakably awkward and I deserved to see it#house md#greg house#gregory house#chris taub#hatecrimes md
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they wouldn't let me write the live action Disney adaptions because I would have had the best Ping you have ever seen. He and Shang would have had chemistry that took your breath away. They would be Yearning. the audience would be Yearning. it would be electric and terrifying and by marika would Mulan/Ping be hot. Shang is obsessed, the audience is obsessed. there would be hardly be a person in the attendance that doesn't Get where Shang is coming from. who wouldn't rend their clothes and scream to the heavens over Mulan/Ping. she takes no prisoners.
and yes, Shang kisses him in the snow as he cradles Ping's injured, dying body.
and yes, from the opening scene to the rolling credits he's going slowly mad.
and the first time you see Mulan she's dressed in the most feminine, floaty, light-colored dressy robes, with bone white makeup and painted lips and you fall in love with her. and there's something underneath, too. and it's so intriguing.
and then she shows up as Ping, and it takes a while to get used to, and it's kind of funny and awkward. but then it looks better and better to you. and soon you find you can hardly bear it when the camera turns away from him for even a second. and Ping isn't awkward to be around at all, he's stunning and brave and resilient and determined to be kind and you're desperately in love with him and you decide he looks incredible in the warriors' robes, actually. and his smile makes you want to kiss him. it makes Shang want to scream. and to kiss him.
and then comes the last leg. and she's got the gender-neutral robes, the "neutral" stage makeup. the loose updo. and you've never been as attracted to anyone in your life as Shang is to her. and you get it. you really, really get it. and wow the way the cuff of her sleeves and the silhouette of her robes make your heart clench. and the way her posture, her gait, make a new kind of sense. you can feel this is It. this is The Costume. you're obsessed and Shang is obsessed.
And then in the end, she's wearing pretty soft-colored robes and it makes you think for a moment that she looks like she did at the beginning. but then actually something makes her strength visible too. is it the cut of the costume? her posture? the framing of the shots? Yes it is. and you know, when Shang shows up, You know he can see it too. and he doesn't want to stop looking any more than you do. and he isn't going to even when you do.
every kid that ever watched my Mulan would recall it as Formative, like y'alls Danny Phantom but on the sickest steroids ever invented. She'd be irresistible. and so very gender.
#i was a huge shang fan as a kid#you can't tell from this post bc it's all about Mulan#but I would do my boy Shang SO GOOD#you'd adore him at the end. and be cheering him on and begging him to stop and gasping from frustration just watching him#but most importantly you'd believe in the goodness of his character. a man; young and under immense pressure; doing his best#fighting his hardest#anyway I market the movie for theaters with her in the girly clothes and then all merch and promotional material afterward features the#shan yu final showdown outfit#the one that makes you go mad#that makes you forgive all of shangs transgressions on the spot#you take one look and say#yeah ok. my boy was right alright. look there were extenuating circumstances. no one could think in this environment#but if course that's actually where they work together THE BEST#and it's soooo good#and it convinces you that they are perfect for each other#sorry about all this guys#I'm still mad this isn't what happened with the live action frankly#i will probably never come to terms with it
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SOCIETY KEEPS KILLING ONE OF THEM BCS THEIR FRIENDSHIP WOULD BE INCAPABLE FOR GALAXIES TO HANDLE !!!!!
#theyre actually the same height but cliffjumper's pedes are made for climbing leaping causing pain to others#so he has spikes that sheath and unsheath from the soles and he keeps them out pretty much all the time which gives him height#fuzzy fat bumblebee and ANT#cliffjumper#i want cliffjumper sounds just like Miss SecondOpinionson but monotone & says everything like it's a fact#he keeps a permanent judgemental and suspicious expression and will tell you all of his surface level judgement of u#which js A Lot as he is Very observant and skeptical of Everything#mirage loves him bcs he doesnt play nice. he tells u how he sees it when he sees it#meanwhile bee is mewing from the amount of hatred secretly boiling inside him & is constantly changing himself for others#when they have time to reunite as old best friends .. the girlies have fun which means cliff is smiling for once & bee is not#everybody feels bad for bee when they see this bcs they think cliff is boring him or something & ruining his good mood#but actually bee is having the time of his life venting finally abt all his 'mean thoughts' which are just His thoughts but he cant say that#and cliff loves violence & is uncomfortable with social etiquette upkeep so of course hes indulging#i need the world to stop pitting my girlbosses against each other like just get creative with their designs lol#characters can have depth without merging personalities together into 1 and killing off the other half to cover up ur stealing lol#bee def has anger issues too but it's an after effect from his overthinking backfiring#while cliff has anger issues that flares b4 actions due to not wanting to think in favor of pure Doing#i think they are lovely foils which should be explored and can be done rlly interestingly if they were friends#who keep getting pit against each other by life but refuse to lose that friendship .. it's just a little cracked now.. & keeps cracking#bumblebee#transformers#maccadam
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imagine you're luce, and you're born the heir to a mafia family. you're mafia-born, and so of course also mafia-raised, and then also a donna-to-be. you're raised to be able to take on the role, to be good and capable at it, are taught to make one of your core beliefs about how the many must come before the few, because the family must always come first. you're going to be the donna, of course you must always prioritize the family above all else, it's your foremost and most important duty.
if caring about the few too comes at the price of the many, comes at the price of the family, is it even worth it? if the happiness gained from it comes at the price of a greater suffering for others, is there even any meaning to it, even if it's your happiness we're talking about? you understand, don't you?
you're not sure if you do, but you care about your family, love it, want to do right by it once you become their donna, so you nod, listen and learn.
(you don't have to be taught the pain and loss and guilt and anger and bitterness is a fair price to pay for the pain you decide has to be inflicted and the sacrifices you decide must be made, including by yourself. it's the least you could do, even.)
imagine you're luce, and the gift of foresight runs through your blood.
you would not call it a gift. you did not ask for it either. and you'll never come to see it as something wanted by you.
you can see the future, and it happened exactly as you saw it would, so of course it's exactly the way you wanted it to go. you can see the future, and it happened exactly as you saw it would, so of course you didn't care to try hard enough to change it. you saw the future before the shape of it had yet to be breathed into existence, and who's to say it didn't come into existence only because you saw it happen? you saw the future, and it happened worse than it had to for it.
you can see the future, but you still can't make it anything else than what it was always going to be. you can even make the visions happen at your will, but you still have no say on what you see or how much you see. you still can only be the witness of it before anyone else can.
it does mean double and longer the happiness sometimes, means relief and gratefulness and hope beyond words, and it'd be cruel of you to voice out loud your feelings for others to hear the many more times it means something else.
you can see the future, and it doesn't make it any kinder on you than on anyone else, does not give you any more power or control over it than anyone else, but at least you can see the future. you're given the time to make peace with it, to brace yourself for it, to bargain with it, to plead and beg and fight against it however desperately and hopelessly, even if in the end it still happens exactly as you saw it would.
(you can see the future, and it still doesn't hurt you any less than anyone else when it happens, but you don't expect anymore for anyone to hold you any less responsible for it anyway. it would be nice for someone to do it one day, but you understand.)
you can see the future, and you decide it's a kindness to both yourself and others to keep it for yourself as much as possible whenever you can.
imagine you're luce, and your family has this set of rings they've looked after and protected for as long as your family has existed. they're one set of three of the most important artifacts in the world, ones that help in safeguarding its existence and balance. they're duty, the very first one and the most important one your family was created for.
the pacifier around your mother's neck is duty too, and the most important and powerful artifact among twenty-one in safeguarding the world and its balance. it's been passed down in your family too, from mother to daughter. it's duty, but less tied to your family and much more to the blood running through your veins. it's a curse, in fact, as it demands heavy sacrifices the rings don't, and one that can only be tied to the blood running through your veins.
(your mother looks at you as if expecting some kind of reaction from you, and you can only wonder at which point you weren't supposed to see it as a given. duty and sacrifices have been one and the same for you for a long time now. is it even duty if it doesn't require any sacrifices from you?)
imagine you're luce, and your mother dies for duty. she's the donna, and so she dies for your family. she's the sky arcobaleno, and so she dies for the world. she's your mother, but she dies anyway, doesn't fight it either, even knowing she will leave you behind, even knowing she won't ever get to see what you look like all grown-up.
everywhere you look, duty stares back at you, from your mother and the pacifier around her neck, her love for your family and the life she gives up for it, her love for you and how she dies anyway while you're still only a child. duty, from your family members and how they die for you and kill for you, how they do both at your command, how their lives are in the palms of your hands and how they weigh only as much as you allow them to at a time. duty, from the knowledge your foresight gives you and the shackles tied to the blood running through your veins.
your mother's only duty while she lives too. she loves you, but she'd have had to give birth to you anyway even if she didn't. she loves you, but she still gave birth to you even knowing the kind of life you'd have to live, the kind of hands you'd inevitably end up with, the burdens she'd have to lay on your shoulders, passing them down from her own. because she loves you, she finds the resolve to raise you to be able to face all of it head-on and come out on top, but she'd have had to raise you much the same way anyway even if she didn't.
(she doesn't die for you, doesn't fight to be able to keep living with you, and this, too, is your mother surrendering to duty one last time.)
(you're so sick of it, so angry at it, so hateful and resentful against it. you're so stifled by it to the point you've stopped being able to breathe for a long time now. or you would have been if they had taught you how to face duty in this way too.
it's for the better they didn't. a silver lining, sparing you pain that isn't necessary for you to go through. everyone you turn to only teaches you how to keep holding your breath longer, and you listen and learn, obedient and dutiful as you've ever been.
you're grateful for it too. really, you are.)
everywhere you look, there's no room for you to so much as question any of it, let alone anything more. duty is commendable, something you ought to look up to and strive towards, strive to achieve. duty is the right thing to do. of course it is.
(you exhale a breath of relief that shakes you down to your very core.
thank god, it's at least the right thing to do.
you're grateful for it beyond words. really, you are.)
imagine you're luce, and before it even happens, you know the choice you'll make when climbing that mountain, when standing on top of it, when waiting for a bright light to shine down on you from above. you know the choice you'll make then, even when pregnant with your daughter.
it doesn't matter since how long you knew, be it years, months, days, hours or minutes before. all that matters is that before you can even contemplate the idea of making another choice and all its implications and possible consequences, before the thought can even come alive in your mind, you already know the choice you'll make.
(you can see the future, but just because you already saw it, it doesn't mean it's now set in stone.
you can see the future, but just because you're given the chance to fight to change it, it doesn't mean it still won't happen every bit like you saw it.
it doesn't mean it can't still happen even worse than how you first saw it happen because you fought to change it, no matter how already dreadful it originally was.)
imagine you're luce, and before it even happens, you know they'll be others with you standing on top of that mountain. you're the only one who'll know it before it happens.
(because you can see the future.
and oh, you did not ask for it.)
they're strangers, people you don't owe anything to. adults who choose to show up at the first meeting, and to show up to every following mission after that. the chosen seven, whose ambitions and prides lead them to walk the path of the seven strongest too once laid down in front of them.
you don't force their hands in making any of those choices for them. you're not responsible for any of them.
you become coworkers then, accomplices, your hands stained in blood to various extent, but now dipping in the same pool of blood as you strive towards the same goal together. you have each other's backs, learn each other's strengths and weaknesses, learn each other's personalities, likes and dislikes. you keep having to spend more time together as the missions keep coming your way.
inevitably, you come to care about them. even more damning, they come to care about you in return. enough so they'll look after your daughter even after what'll happen on top of that mountain. enough so they'll look after your granddaughter too, warmly and fondly enough she'll call one of them uncle.
you're still the only one who knows they'll stand together with you on top of that mountain, not knowing what'll happen on it like you do.
and you do care about them, you swear you do. really, you do.
(you care about them the same way your mother cared about you, and how she still raised you to have steel in you and be made of sharp edges you know how to use. you care about them the same way you care about your family, and how you still send them to their deaths as needed so the rest of your family you care about just the same can keep on living longer and safely. this is the only way you've had the chance to learn how to care and love.
duty and sacrifices have been one and the same for you for as long as you can remember. it doesn't matter at which point sacrifices came to mean love to you too.
and most of all, you love your daughter more than anything else in the world.)
imagine you're luce, and this is who you are. this is who you've been raised to be, the only way you've been given room to grow up to be. this is the life you've lived and the kind of life that has shaped you as the person you are now. this is what you've been taught and told is the best version of yourself you could have grown up to be. this is who you ended up being by what you've been taught and told are all the right choices to make.
you're still the only one who knows what is about to happen on top of that mountain. it hasn't happened yet. the fate of the world hangs on what'll happen on top of that mountain, the same world you'll have to give birth to your daughter in. the same daughter you're currently pregnant with.
now imagine you're luce, look me in the eye and tell me you'd know how to even form the thought of the possibility of there being any other choice to make. look me in the eye and tell me you wouldn't look at the only choice in front of you, and know deep in your bones it's the only right choice to make. that it is right of you to make it. because it simply has to be.
(imagine you're luce, and you're not doomed by the narrative. of course, you're not.
why would you need to be when the narrative has painstakingly shaped you all your life to become its perfect, faithful and dutiful sacrificial lamb?
and then, imagine you're luce, and you're even grateful for it, so, so very grateful it held up its end of the bargain too.
truly, you are.)
#katekyo hitman reborn#khr#khr meta#khr headcanons#khr luce#khr arcobaleno#arcobaleno curse#sky arcobaleno#this post is first and foremost for the luce stans girlies#so maybe like. the whole five of us tops 😌#everyone else is also welcome to interact with this post but yes i am a luce stan who's very pro she didn't ever do anything wrong ever#and i know that and i love her for it <3#but also this is not a 'this is why you should love luce too actually' post#or even a 'this is why you should forgive her for the choices she made actually' post#like i totally get how and why one can dislike/hate her. genuinely#but this is a 'you totally lose me if you then follow up by saying she still doesn't deserve understanding or compassion or sympathy or#even pity' post#i mean come on. she WAS standing on top of that mountain too. she bore the curse just the same as them. was as much a victim of it as the#rest of them. in fact the sky arco curse is arguably the WORST of them all so like. yeah#the sky arco but luce specifically to me is such a tragic character is what this post is about#definitely not enough for her to be considered as doomed by the narrative but like#the narrative was in need of (seven) someone to take one for the team and tho it did choose luce without asking for her opinion about it#/she/ then decided that the best course of action was for her to /let/ herself become perfect for the job and like???#i just love thinking about the implications of it and how she might have ended up with that kind of mentality#my girl has never been okay a day in her life and i also will never be normal about it <3#also i might also post this one on ao3 in the following days so it can reach like. maybe a whole two more luce stan girlies 😌
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TGS UPTADE (Chapter Cover) ✨🎩
I love this one, I think it's my favorite cover until this point.
Jekyll has his old outfit I LOVE THE REFERENCES
Guys, ITS THE OLD DESING GUYS.
When I saw this cover, my first thoughs of it weren't the most pessimist, really
The colors are soft and lighter, and the place looks beautiful and peacful, it gave me nostalgic vibes but I mostly felt... Comfort
So I though this chapter would be the star of the final redemption arc of Jekyll's and Hyde's relationship, the chapter where all their fight would finally end for good and start to actually accept themselfs and work together as a team
I interpret Hyde's expression as a "Wait what!?" Reaction to actual self-love coming from Jekyll, and read the name of this chapter as something of "We are a team! We are together in this! So if one of us goes down, we are going down together! I would never ever leave you alone!" Like a thing of friendship or Brotherhood even.
But after reading the Comment Section in the page, I finally notice that something was off in the cover, a simple detail telling that this may not be a 'end of the conflict' type of chapter
And that simple detail...
It's Jekyll
I really hope he goes insane in this chapter, like ACTUAL insanity, I love when a calm character goes through a 'madness arc' and sadly I don't see it often so I WANNA SEE SOME GOOD SHIT.
Jekyll is grabing Hyde's clothes very strongerly, you can feel the anger on his grabing and how close he puts his face towards Hyde's.
His body says "I'm about to kick this asshole's ass"
But the thing is that he is also... Smiling. You can't see his eyes but there is a shadow on them that you can tell something it's not okay, something it's wrong with Henry but not in the "Poor victim" type that we always had see him before, on the whole comic
But in "This man is dangerous" type
So, with that grin and his body looking agressive towards Hyde, you can said Edward may be in danger in this chapter.
Predictions~
Now, everybody agrees that the place we were shown it's actually part of Jekyll's mind, a memory actually. So, I think that somehow Jekyll and Edward will both go inside their memories, to see what were the events that lead them to this specific moment
Maybe with Frankestein's help, in a intent of her to understand the experiment's true nature, also trying to help Jekyll and Hyde to they can finally understand it too (THEY ARE TAKING A THERAPY SESSION TO A WHOLE OTHER LEVEL)
Or
They go both inside their own memories because the transformation got worse, and now their body is unconsious, so it would be only Jekyll and Hyde alone inside their mind, finally being able to stand in the same room at the same time, and netheir of them knowing what will happend outside, now that Frankestein knows their secret and the mob it's still out there
So of course, Henry wouldnt have someone who could help him and calm himself, so he is blaming Hyde for the situation as Hyde avoiding the accusations and also blaming Henry too. The rest of the chapter would be about them looking at their memories and reflecting about their actions
But of course, I can imagine two final scenarios happening, based on the scenario shown on the cover actually happening. They finally go together to see a old memory, and they are both close to the cliff, seeing the place
So, Henry finally has the conclusion of blaming Hyde for all the situation, and snaps angst him, deciding to end this just right there, now that he is able to touch and feel Edward's skin as if he had his own body, as a another person he can fully touch
So there is two options:
Jekyll's grabs Hyde's clothes and makes both of them jump to the water, accepting the death as a end but making sure to drag Hyde with him as well, so it feels actually worth it. Of course this being a moment similar to Hyde's ephifany when he is told that he could take down Jekyll as well.
But of course, in this case we'll see Jekyll's perspective to this words "Taking you down with me" (I love how similar they are, even if they turned out to be so different from each other, somehow they are still the same person)
Or, there is this other option. Jekyll actually dosen't jump to the cliff but instead, he shove Hyde to the cliff in a intent of murder him, being mostly like a metaphoric suicide rather than a direct one (Because they are the same person after all). The reason why Jekyll is also jumping in the cover may be a symbolic jump as "Going insane/Jumping the cliff of sanity" for doing something so brutal that the normal and sane Dr Jekyll wouldnt do... Push a person on a cliff, to kill them. So not only this would be a intent to kill Hyde but at the same time accidently murder the person he used to be, the good Dr Henry Jekyll
(Jekyll also jumping can be more like of "how he feels" rather than something literal, he feels atrap and his only company is Hyde, and I dare to say he is the person Jekyll hates the most at this point).
Of course, in any scenario, nethier of them would actually die (yet) because there is like two chapters left to finish this comic, duh
But I like to think about the Second Option. Because it could also explain those spoiler images Sage share in their social media a while ago
There it was another one with Jekyll with a lot of bottles around but I couldn't find it.
Because I think it would fit in. After pushing Hyde on the cliff Jekyll goes out and takes back the body's control and fix the angry mob problem, thinking he has done right in killing Hyde, when actually you can see that he dosen't has his normal eyes anymore but now has Hyde's bags in him (Of course, it could be for the fact that he climp up the society to get in the roof, but I don't think he would like to being seen very tired) meaning that Jekyll has change, in a more hyde-like way. Hyde is not death, and Jekyll's actions will have more consequences, as long they keep fighting each other there will be no end to their problems.
So, this is the tgs UPTADE. I like everyone in the fandom started to make theories like crazy and I love every single one of them.
Sorry for my bad english hehe bye~
#he used to#the glass scientists#tgs jekyll#tgs#tgs update#tgs hyde#sorry for my bad english#henry jekyll#tgs laynon#I want insane Jekyll so baaaad#and not something like oh it's Hyde directly controling his body#no I want Jekyll just Jekyll damnit#I think it would be cool if in this point we start to see how Jekyll and Hyde would slowly swap their roles#not only in their personalitys but fisically#as Hyde realising the depth of his actions he starts to look more like Jekyll (Like before Henry made the formula) and#as Jekyll starts to losing it he eventually looks more like Hyde#so basically#they slowly turn into the other#but of course they keep their original colors#so the finally showdown would be them facing their worst and best treats and finally accept every aspect of themselfs#of course I imagine Hyde acting more sweet and soft as a Jekyll#and Jekyll being actually more sinester and elegant as a Hyde#like they are still themselfs somehow but now with the other aspects of their personalitys#the good and the bad ones duh#they both have flaws so yeah I think that can work
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I've become obsessed with the Shen Jiu Liu Qingge rivalry lately because I think it's really funny that Shen Jiu started it by ambushing Liu Qingge after a spar.
#So often I see people go with the Liu Qingge starts it bcs he doesn't like that Shen Qingqiu goes to brothels narrative#but I think it's way funnier that Shen Jiu jumped Liu Qingge and then wants him to extend the olive branch first#“If he wants me to be nice to him then why doesn't he try being nice to me first?” ← guy who knows exactly why#but if he admits it he might have to embarrass himself by admitting maybe jumping a guy over a spar wasn't the best course of action#I love picking his brain apart my poor friends are subject to me doing it in the group chat constantly#svsss
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.
#sorry ignore this it’s post-election venting.#like just completely unproductive doomerism I need to get off my chest#ok real talk I have been feeling so hopeless and dead and depressed since the election.#I hate this country and I don’t think it can be fixed. not meaningfully in my lifetime.#I think I need to leave this place but im not financially able and im a transmasc person in a red state#with unsupportive parents.#I’ve given up hope on the idea that ‘ppl here are generally good and just misled into voting for the worse of the 2 evils’ and know just#feel these people are subhumanly stupid. beyond saving. no hope. they are voids. cesspits. empty headed useless ontologically evil braindead#soulless husks. it is useless to try to reason with them or inform them or convince them of anything. they are lost causes. it’s better#to leave this country while they rot in the dying empire They chose to make this bad.#they Want this. they Want fascism. they don’t care about other ppl#they are individualism poisoned Americans with no interest in a better future.#I hate them. I hate Americans. I hate my family. I hate my community.#none of it is worth fighting for anymore. they are lost causes.#the best course of action is to leave. but I can’t so im stuck with these fucking useless morons#so until then I have to rot with them. im stuck in this fucking tar pit of a country#with these fucking tar pits of ppl#illiterate fucking rednecks and functional alcoholic suburbanites. the fucking moldy white bread of humanity#I hope we all die. we deserve this.#useless fucking dnc allergic to winning.#barely coherent braindead voterbase. useless fucking male loneliness truther incels#the world would be better off if this country was fucking nuked off the map.#sorry silly fandom mutuals for being a whiny american. but things r materially going 2 get so much worse for me and my friends next year#project 2025 is terrifying and trump wants to put tariffs on everything which is going to cause prices of everything 2 skyrocket even more#and just knowing ppl are reveling in the ‘liberal tears’ aka ppl being upset that their lives r about 2 get worse makes my skin crawl#and makes me nauseous. these ppl are not human#they don’t care about Palestine they don’t care about Ukraine they don’t care about Sudan#and they don’t care about trans ppl gay ppl any racial minorities#some of them Are racial minorities and want 2 separate themselves from the ‘bad ones’#im just fucking disgusted by the ppl here voting against their own interests bc they r fucking dumb and misinformed.
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OKAY YALL THIS SCENE, SEE THIS SCENE RIGHT HERE?
(Sorry for the extremely low res, did not know how to get around that one).
You know what I think this is? I think this is an Ed-and-Stede-have -A-Problem-with-something kind of scenario. Something that only Anne and Mary can help them with.
Problem is, Ed and Stede aren't on very good speaking terms yet, they are still very much working together though. So we have Ed sorting how they are going to ask it and he goes "Okay here's the plan I will go there, you'll stay here, shut the fuck up, don't let them see you and pretend you don't exist while I go talk to them, got that?" because Ed needs to look cool and all Blackbeardy for whatever he has in mind to work. Of course, the topic of conversation tips toward what happened to Ed, or how they heard he was hanging out with a rich dork or smth, and Stede - thinking he's the sole proprietor of some utterly Relevant information to the conversation - chimes in (He's not a dork and not even rich anymore!).
Ed, with reason, gets fucking pissed and replies to him on instintic. He regrets it immediately though, and tries to play it off and pretend and the doesn't know him.
(Look at Ed's face!!!! He looks fucking baflled. He's like "THe fucking NERVE of this guy" but also "No nope, totally don't know him, who even is he? No one important, I can tell you that bit")
That's when we get the "Edward..." and that's also how Mary and Anne guess that they know each other. Maybe from there the plan becomes to play their relationship up a bit, I don't know, they DO get invited to dinner though (double date!!!!!).
Anyhow... where trailer?
#I think stede is the one that decides to play it up#probably going from Mary and Anne telling them they make a cute couple or smth like that#ed reluctantly understands that now that might be the best course of action#and they prentend to be a couple while also kind of being one but not really and as the double date goes on tensions get progressively#higher#until we get the throwing chair thing#that's my guess at least#ofmd#our flag means death#ofmd s2#our flag means death s2#ofmd edward teach#ofmd stede bonnet#blackbonnet#gentlebeard
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im so scared. i'm so so so fucking scared.
#i havent been super active lately but im having very intense anxiety attacks about last night and i think the best course of action for me#rn is not engaging with anything political until i can calm down#so im signing off for awhile until the dust settles a bit#im trying to tell myself i have enough privilege that im gonna be ok because i feel like selfishness is the only thing thats gonna get me#thru this since i genuinely cannot save the lives of every gazan trans person pregnant woman latino immigrant etc#but unfortunately unlike the rest of this country i was born with care about other people disorder#im also trying to tell myself that social progress always prevails because it does in fact always do#so even if it takes lots of dirty work and it wont happen in my lifetime it will one day come thru#so yeah those are my thoughts.... see ya'll a bit later
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Can't get over how:
1) Aeron in his first chapters has several pages of rambling stream of consciousness about how devoted he is to his older brother and king Balon, how he deserved his scorn and is happy that his younger self who was scorned is gone, how he was one of the pillars his life was built on etc etc
2) Somewhere among these ramblings we find out that Balon explicitely shared with Aeron his will about who wanted as his successor "I pray the God they killed [Theon] so he can't stand in Asha's way"
3) Two lords as well as the smallfolk consult Aeron about who the legitimate candidate to support is, to an extent that kinda implies it being a custom perhaps that this is how the will of the king/lord is transmitted rather than through a written document
4) He does not tell the truth to any of them 😭
#obviously i know why he thinks thats the best course of action against euron but ahh. alicent core#he doesnt get the credit as a schemer that he deserves#sabotaging vic's competition thru ~soft power~ since acok... what a brother#asoiaf#op#aeron greyjoy
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going in the moral ocd tag on tumblr like. normal post. vague post about ship discourse. post about incest ship discourse. normal post. post complaining about fundraisers that op shouldve kept to themselves and dealt with in their own time. ship discourse post again. post compla
#SORRY i wasnt even looking at it this time i was just thinking about it#i need to remind myself that looking at tumblr is maybe not the best course of action when i need to settle down about some thing im#overthinking about in incomprehensible ways
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