#i think my depression has also just been a little out of whack since last summer and i never quite recovered from it

[astriiformes]

Oh Max Miller Tasting History's medieval saffron rice recipe we're really in it now.

[rosiehunterwolf]

Nya and Lloyd Character Analysis

So. Between rewatching Ninjago episodes and working on my post-Seabound fic, I’ve noticed something.

We all know that in season 9, Nya and Lloyd became really close. While I believe that they’ve been close since the beginning (who do you think young Lloyd would hang out with when the guys kept leaving him behind), it’s undeniable how season 9 really changed their relationship.

What do I mean by that, exactly?

Nya has really become a big moral support for Lloyd.

When the ninja team is on a mission, and things go sour, Nya is usually the first to call out his name- asking him what to do or calling him to come help her.

At first, I didn’t really think much of it- Lloyd is their team leader, after all. It makes sense that she would look to him for guidance.

But I believe it goes deeper than that. As I watched more and more seasons after Hunted, this kept happening again and again and again. And it was mostly only Nya that called his name- while the others would turn to him sometimes, it was nothing notable, especially considering Lloyd’s role in the group.

One particular example that I can think of at the moment was in Prime Empire, when they were in the Forest of Discontent, when it was Lloyd’s “turn” to go first to check for traps, he got attacked by a Whack Rat, and even though he swiftly dealt with it and didn’t even lose a life like most of the others had, Nya was quick to run up to him and ask if he was okay, when the others hardly even spoke to him. I’m not saying that the others don’t care- but Nya seems to always be keeping tabs on him during their adventures and making sure to acknowledge and include him whenever possible.

Now, this is great, but why does it matter? Why does Nya do this to Lloyd?

Like I said before, their relationship changed in season 9. Nya likely got to spend the most time with Lloyd in seasons 1 and early 2. At that time, he was a pure-hearted but spunky, energetic and reckless child. His childhood had been rough, but not as bad as it could’ve been, and he was doing mostly okay at this point. Nya’s interactions with him likely mostly involved curbing his energy and giving him something to do.

When Lloyd grew up, obviously things changed. Not only because he was older now, but between the Overlord, his father, and Morro, he had experienced enough trauma and danger to last him 100 lifetimes. Now while of course he interacted with Nya during this period, he likely didn’t get a whole lot of one-on-one time with her. When he started going on missions with the rest of the ninja, he wouldn’t get to hang back with her anymore, and even when she became a ninja herself, most of her time spent with him would also involve the other guys.

Prior to season 8, she likely still saw him as her naive little brother, and I think when the team officially made him leader at the end of season 7 is when she realized he wasn’t that little boy anymore.

And when the guys (supposedly) died by the hand of Garmadon’s Colossus, Nya got to see a side of Lloyd she had probably never seen before. She saw him crumble, lose the strong front he had held all those years. She saw him battling what was likely depression as he didn’t seem to have a will to do anything anymore. All the while, Nya was suffering greatly herself, and it must’ve really stung that she only had one teammate (apart from Pixal) with her, and she felt like she had lost him too because of how distant he was being. There was also a big emphasis this season on Lloyd being the green ninja without his powers, and for a good chunk of time, he seemed to think he was worthless now.

Nya fought really hard to encourage Lloyd in those early episodes, when they thought the guys were dead. She was likely scared to see him like this, and unsure of how to deal with it.

They got through it, like they always do- but Nya would never want anything like this to happen again. The rest of the team came back when Lloyd was better- they hadn’t seen him absolutely break like Nya had.

So I think, after Hunted, Nya tries to do everything she can to acknowledge and include Lloyd because she wants him to know she cares- that he matters. He’s a very different person from what he used to be at this point- new thoughts, new emotions, and a new set of struggles- and Nya has adjusted to be the best friend she can to him even as he changes.

I just really respect Nya for that. She’s observant, and she always finds a way to make the people she cares about to feel respected and included, because they matter to her, even when they don’t feel that way themselves.

[gamerwoo]

[Tales from the Pack] Hansol: Fire and Ice (Part Ten)

Characters: Hansol x female reader

Genre/warnings: werewolf au, fantasy, fluff (finally lmao), more mentions of depression n stuff, hansol’s super sweet but we been knew

Word count: 1,583

Summary: You’ve always been one to let your emotions get the best of you – your power reflects that – and you’ve never been good at expressing them. That’s why you always thought you’d be awful with a mate, but you never thought things would be this awful.

a/n: things in bold are in english. BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY: i’m minimizing updates. i have online stuff i gotta do for work, and between trying to do that while also trying to write parts for josh (since he’s next and i don’t have any pre-written parts like with the other parts), AND trying to go through the entirety of the series to take notes on things that i think are important, i definitely feel like i need to slow updating so i can try to catch up with josh’s parts so i’ll be able to post somewhat consistently when his series starts. so i’ll be updating once a week now, probably on mondays. i’m sorry i can’t post every single day anymore but this will definitely help me spread out everything i need to get done so i’m not trying to do everything at once in one night. 

Previous | Next | Fire and Ice Masterlist

Hansol was surprised to wake up to a warmth beside him. He rubbed his eyes and turned his head, seeing a lump curled up under the blanket. Your face was concealed by the bedding, your entire body engulfed in the fabric that was still charred in some spots.

Smiling to himself, Hansol smoothly got out of bed, careful as to not wake you. While the movement of the bed did have you rolling over, you went right back to sleep. So he opened the door silently and wandered down the stairs to grab some breakfast for you. He wasn’t sure if you’d want to talk at all despite everything that happened last night – rather, especially after everything that happened – but he still had to make sure you ate something. He didn’t know when you last ate, and he assumed the lack of hunger was due to your depression.

“Morning,” Seungcheol nodded as Hansol entered the kitchen.

“Morning, Cheol,” he yawned, stretching his arms high above his head.

Mingyu, who was sitting at the table, pointed over to the stove, “We left extras for _____.”

“How is she?” Danbi wondered from where she sat in her mate’s lap.

“She’s sleeping,” Hansol reported plainly, grabbing the remaining food from the stove for him and you – mostly for you, though, since you needed it more than him. “I’m sorry that you all got woken up last night.”

“Don’t apologize,” Seungcheol told him, “it’s nobody’s fault. Besides, the screaming was worse, even if Seungkwan did muffle it.”

Hansol’s brows furrowed, “What was Eunjin screaming for?”

“She claims Jiung was around,” Mingyu shrugged. “Maybe he visited her last night or something.”

“Does that mean she’s done treating you poorly?” Soonyoung quizzed, sipping his mug of tea.

“Give her a break, Soon, she’s depressed,” Seungcheol scolded, whacking the younger alpha in the arm.

“Yeah, but it doesn’t mean she can push everybody away and walk all over them,” Soonyoung pointed out. “I’m not trying to be mean, I’m just saying–”

“Her twin brother was murdered and she thought it was all because of her mate – who is now the only person she has a true connection to in this world – and after all of it, she was still expected to be an alpha,” Danbi listed off before Hansol could even open his mouth to explain. “After that, she found out that she didn’t even belong in her own pack anymore, therefore, could not be alpha. No, her being rude shouldn’t just be allowed because she had a hard time, but maybe you should also understand why she’s acting the way she is. However, I also don’t think she’ll care if you like her or not; it’s Hansol’s forgiveness that matters.”

Soonyoung stared at Danbi silently before nodding and staring at the table.

“Thanks,” Hansol said quietly, giving the older girl a small but grateful smile. “You are right, she shouldn’t have done a lot of the things she did. But…I personally forgive her, and I want to understand why she did it.”

“If there’s anything we can do to help, just let us know,” Seungcheol said with a small smile.

Hansol went back upstairs, carrying the plate of food in his hands. When he opened the door, he saw you were still fast asleep, just a ball under the blankets. He chuckled softly, setting the plate on the nightstand before he crouched down by the bed and gently shook the lump that was you.

“_____,” his voice was soft, gently pulling you from your slumber, “it’s time to wake up. I brought breakfast.”

But you weren’t hungry. You hadn’t been ever since that night, and you weren’t sure when you’d get your appetite back, so you just grunted at him and pulled the blankets tighter around you.

Hansol frowned, “You have to eat, _____. It’s not healthy to starve like this. I know you’ve been lying about eating when you’re in town.”

You weren’t sure how he knew – mate instincts, probably – but you were a bit grumpy that he called you out on it. Still, you stayed under the blankets as memories of the previous night filled your thoughts. Then your cheeks were burning with embarrassment, and your eyes were filling with tears from both sadness, and the shame of Hansol witnessing everything. You sniffled, squeezing your eyes shut to hold in the tears, but Hansol was already aware of what was happening.

The blankets were pulled back from your face, the cooler air hitting your skin. You opened your glossy eyes to see Hansol looking at you sympathetically, his golden eyes full of concern and love. He wasn’t sure what would be okay with you or what you would find helpful – he didn’t want to touch you in any way and go past your boundaries.

“What can I do to comfort you?” he asked softly.

“I don’t know...” you admitted in a quiet whimper that made you even more embarrassed because it showed you were weak.

Slowly, his hand went to your hair as he gauged your reaction. His palm stroked over your tangled hair, but the gesture was a little soothing.

“Is this okay?” he asked.

You just nodded, averting your eyes.

“Can I try something?” he wondered.

You shrugged, rubbing your eyes to get rid of the tears that still wanted to escape, mumbling, “I guess…”

Hansol pulled the blankets back a little more before he climbed into bed beside you. He sat up with his back against the headboard, wincing a little as he pressed against the wood. Then he pulled you in between his legs, letting you curl up into his chest like you had the previous night. His arms held you gently, and despite his power of ice, they were warm. One large hand continued to stroke your hair as your cheek laid against his chest.

“Is this okay?” he checked, glancing down at you.

Honestly, it felt nice being in his embrace. Obviously, you were still upset, but it actually felt a little better than being alone. Even though you were still uncomfortable showing emotion like this – even around your mate – you like the feeling of being this close to Hansol.

But still, part of you felt indifferent about it, so you moved out of his lap. He let you, keeping his arms rested by his sides while you shifted to sit beside him instead. Your arms were touching, giving you a little bit of that contact your instincts craved, but enough space for your head to be okay with it.

At the last second, your hands grabbed at his closest to you, and you fidgeted with his fingers.

“Do you want to talk about anything?” he offered, quickly adding, “We don’t have to if you’re uncomfortable with it.”

“I just miss him,” you mumbled, your voice breaking toward the end as more tears filled your eyes.

“I know. I wish I could do more for you.”

“‘S’okay…”

“It’s okay for things to not be okay,” he reminded you, tilting his head to look at you. “It’s okay for you to not be okay.”

“Can we not have this conversation?” you asked, a slightly annoyed tone to your voice.

“Of course,” he shrugged, grabbing the plate of food he brought him instead. “You still have to eat, though.”

“I’m not hungry.”

“But you still have to eat.”

“I can’t.”

Hansol let out a sigh, “_____, I know it’s hard because of how you’re feeling, but you have to.”

“What are you eating for breakfast?” you asked with a raised brow, seeing only one plate and one set of utensils.

“Mates eat first,” he countered with a playful smirk, imitating you at lunch the day prior.

“But I’m also a werewolf, so you’re the mate to me,” you stated, folding your arms across your chest.

“But–”

“No. This is a two-way street.”

He let out an exasperated sigh, but scooped up some food on his fork before putting it in his mouth, staring at you as he chewed and swallowed. Then, he got a new forkful and held it up to your mouth, looking at you expectantly.

“I held up my end of the bargain,” he told you.

So, with a quiet groan, you opened your mouth and let him put food in it. His smile was triumphant, showing off his gummy grin that you found both annoying – considering the circumstances – and adorable.

You and Hansol ate quietly, alternating between bites – he’d feed himself and then feed you, continuing with that pattern. It wasn’t until he was scraping the plate with the side of the fork that he spoke again, bringing the last bite to your lips.

“Do you want to talk about last night?” he asked.

You shook your head, closing your mouth around the fork as he slipped the now empty utensil out of your mouth. You were still worrying about if Hansol actually forgave you or not. You felt more than guilty for treating him how you did, so you were trying your best to be closer with him even if it was a little weird for you. But hey, you were trying.

“Not yet,” you said after you had swallowed your food.

‘Yet’ was the keyword, and Hansol noticed that. You would talk about it when you were ready, just not right now. And Hansol was fine with that. He’d wait for you. He always did.

[longitudinalwaveme]

Worst Flash Storylines and Plot Ideas of All Time

As you’ve probably ascertained from the general contents of this blog, the Flash is my favorite comic book series. I love the characters and most of the stories. However, just like any series that’s been around for eighty years (counting the Jay Garrick stuff), the Flash does, unfortunately, have some truly terrible stories and plot ideas. 

In terms of terrible plot ideas that didn’t completely ruin the surrounding stories: 

1. Barry Allen uses the Mirror Master’s mirrors to manipulate Iris into agreeing to start dating him again (Flash #109). Creepy, Barry. Just creepy. The story is great Silver Age fun otherwise. 

2. Iris West: meanest woman alive. Iris was, by and large, incredibly awful to Barry up until maybe about a year before their 1966 marriage. Almost every time she shows up in an early Silver Age issue, you will admire her daring and independence (this is good) and be bewildered as to why on Earth Barry would want to spend time with a woman who is constantly calling him slow, lazy, and ambition-less (this is not good). It doesn’t really affect any one issue too much, but when read in a conglomerate, she starts looking really awful. Although as bad as Early Silver Age Iris seems as a romantic interest, she’s got nothing on Silver Age Superman and Lois Lane, the most dysfunctional couple in the DCU. 

3. Wally West’s zero-effort code name and costume (Flash #110). It really could not be more obvious how little effort the writers were putting into creating this character. The duplicate origin is also pretty cheesy, but there are enough differences from Barry’s origin for it not to frustrate me. But the name “Kid Flash” and the fact that his first costume was literally identical to Barry’s just feel incredibly lazy. Barry and Wally do have an adorable dynamic in the issue, though, so it’s by no means all bad. 

4. Barry Allen waiting an entire year after his marriage to tell his wife that he’s really the Flash. Frustrating and unnecessary; especially since Joan Garrick had been in on her husband’s secret since the 1940s. 

5. Iris Allen is FROM THE FUTURE. I both love and hate this idea. It’s so perfectly comic-booky, but at the same time, it opened the floodgates for the Allen family being a confusing, time-displaced mess. 

6. The Trial of Barry Allen. This one’s weird. I like many of the individual issues in this arc, and I actually think the last two issues are really great as an ending for Barry Allen’s original run, but this storyline dragged on for waaaaaay too long. There’s a reason I call it the Arc that Never Ends. Also, the titular trial is actually the least interesting part of the entire storyline. His battles with the Rogues and Kadabra are far more interesting. 

7. Wally West’s borderline creepy, chauvinistic attitude towards women under Mike Baron (and, to a much lesser extent, William Messner-Loebs). There’s being a hormonal twenty-something, and then there’s going through girlfriends at the rate other people change their socks. Messner-Loebs mostly avoided this issue by making it clear that Wally was under intense psychological stress that was negatively impacting his behavior, but under Baron and in some of his JLE appearances, he comes across as a real creep around women. 

8. Kadabra overkill under Mark Waid: I like Kadabra, but when he’s the main villain in like four distinct arcs, it gets to be a bit much. It’s like modern Eobard. He is legitimately written well, though, so he doesn’t drag down any of the stories too much. 

9. Pointlessly Dead Rogues: Killing off the Rogues in Underworld Unleashed for no good reason (the rest of the story is great, especially the Trickster). 

10. Pointlessly Dead Rogues 2: Electric Boogaloo: The Golden Glider’s pointless death to build up a character who was himself killed two issues later. (The rest of the story is decent.) Also, the treatment of Lisa in general post-Crisis is frustrating, since she becomes considerably more unhinged than she was before. 

11. Any time Waid tried to write McCulloch, with the exception of Flash vol. 2 #105 (and even there, he seemed off). It’s like he forgot Evan wasn’t Sam. 

12. Apparently, the Top trying to blow up both Central City and half the world makes him a loser? Also, he suddenly hates Piper for no readily apparent reason. (At least the story had some good Piper and Wally bits.) 

13. BARRY ALLEN HAS A SECRET EVIL TWIN! DUN DUN DUN! (The rest of the story, where we get to meet a whole whack of interesting future Flashes, is actually pretty good, but whoo boy, the Malcolm reveal feels like it came straight out of a soap opera.) 

14. In order for Captain Cold to ANGST, the Golden Glider’s pointless death remained in place for over ten years. It did give us a really, really good Capt. Cold story, at least...but it’s still fridging. 

15. Rainbow Raider’s mean-spirited murder by Blacksmith. Poor Roy. 

16. Albert Desmond becomes Hannibal Lecter, only twenty times as rude, for a Gotham Central arc that would’ve been terrific without him as the main villain. 

17. Owen Mercer is an idiotic child murderer and gets killed by the Rogues. Why was this necessary? (The rest of Blackest Night: The Flash is pretty good.) 

18. Josh Jackam-Mardon’s murder. The murder of small children for shock value is pretty gross. Especially since nothing was ever really done with it. 

19. Barry’s PARENTS ARE DEEEEAAAAD! (Okay, it’s really just his mom, but still. This is a very frustrating retcon, since originally his parents were alive and well until after his own death.) 

20. Albert Desmond was Barry’s jerk coworker; which never impacted the plot or led to anything. As a result, it’s just another frustrating retcon. 

21. Sam Scudder murdered someone before becoming the Mirror Master. Yet another Johns retcon that never went anywhere and only serves to darken the Silver and Bronze Age stories after the fact. 

22. Flashpoint (a decent story) wiped out a whole bunch of characters I really liked from existence for several years. Evan McCulloch’s still not back. 

23. Giving the Rogues metahuman powers doesn’t suit them, on the whole. They work better without them. 

24. Roy’s second pointless, brutal death in (I think) Forever Evil. 

25. IT WAS MEEEEE, BARRY! After serving as the main villain for like six arcs in eight years, I’m glad that Eobard finally seems to be getting a rest. The level of bad things he was responsible for was getting ridiculous. 

26. Sam/Lisa. WHY? (The only time it even kind of worked was in Forever Evil.) 

In terms of entire storylines I didn’t like: 

1. The Flash: The Most Terribly Written Man Alive. Poor Bart is aged up with no adequate explanation, loses all the traits that made him a likeable character, fights some awful villains, and then is murdered by the badly OOC Rogues. Meanwhile, Inertia goes from an at least somewhat sympathetic villain to a complete psychopath with little explanation, a murder is retconned into one of Captain Cold’s reformed periods, the Pied Piper and the Trickster completely forget that they’re supposed to be reformed, Abra Kadabra inexplicably teams up with the Rogues despite generally being a solo operative, and all of the Rogues act like total morons, willingly following a teenage speedster for no adequately explained reason. UGH. 

2. Countdown to Infinite Crisis: Even though Piper and Trickster were probably the best part of Countdown, that isn’t saying much. Both of them are uncharacteristically stupid (especially James), and James is a grade-A jerk to Piper for no reason. Also, both of them continue to forget that they reformed, and then James gets brutally murdered and Piper almost loses his mind. Also, the other Rogues cameo, and continue to act like idiots. Countdown: it really does ruin everything it touches. 

Superboy Prime will kill you! He’ll kill you to DEATH! And after you read Countdown, you’ll wish he had killed you to death. 

3. The Identity Crisis Tie-In Retcon: So, you know all that awesome character development the Rogues have had over the years? Well, forget all that, because it was all just Roscoe brainwashing them! Which was something he could definitely do before this story! And why did he do this? Why, because Barry Allen, one of the most upstanding men in the DCU, brainwashed him! Also, apparently, the Top had a huge bodycount that we never heard about back in the Bronze Age, because we need even MORE grimdark retcons for our cheerful Silver/Bronze Age history! I like Geoff Johns’ work, I really do....but BOY HOWDY does he need to lay off on the retcons sometimes. 

4. Identity Crisis: With the exception of Owen’s introduction and the establishment of the relationship between him and Digger, this story was pretty awful all around. More specifically, as far as the Flash was concerned, it was responsible for Digger’s second pointless death. It also killed off poor Jack Drake and poor, mistreated Sue Dibney, who deserved MUCH better. And the Justice League, including Barry, are A-OK with brainwashing, apparently. Comics are fun! 

These last two stories are pretty recent, and they did have some parts I liked, but on the whole I felt they also belonged on the list. 

5. The Trickster finally returns! Hurrah! Except it turns out that he’s way more like the Joker now than he ever was before, and he mind-controls the city in a super-creepy way. A very disappointing return for the character, especially since it was set up really well. 

6. Forever Evil: Captain Cold becomes a murderous dictator with a stupid Santa Beard, all of the Rogues get horrible costumes, and Sam completes his mutation into Evan-in-all-but-name. There are some good characters bits in the story (even for Cold), but on the whole, I found the story to just be unlikeable and depressing and thought Cold was pretty out-of-character. Poor Commander Cold....

So, what are your least favorite Flash storylines and plot ideas? 

[lunarliza]

Fake Boyfriend | Chapter 4: Kook Conventions

JJ x Kook!reader

series masterlist | prev. chapter| chapter one

my masterlist

You’re a Kook Princess who has everything you ever wanted... until your handsome Kook Prince dumps you for a hot new fling. To save your reputation, you bribe the one person he hates the most, JJ Maybank, to pretend to be your boyfriend for the summer. All’s fair in love and war. But where do you draw that line when you’re suddenly wishing your fake boyfriend is your real one?

note: slight mention of panic attack

If there was anything you learned about JJ that Friday, it was that he was the absolute worse at sticking to the plan.

For one, he spent so much time looking for the tennis courts, instead of following your clearly written out instructions, that he ended up being late altogether to pick you up. What was supposed to be a grand gesture turned into you sitting on the front steps, while the sun was near done setting, waiting for stupid JJ while everyone else had already left.

“What the hell took you so long?!” you scolded, slamming the truck door shut in annoyance once he finally showed up.

“This place is confusing as hell! I kept having to make loops. It is called Figure Eight for a reason,” he tried to justify, pulling out of the lot.

“JJ I texted you specific instructions on how to get here!” you groused, rubbing your temple, “Anyways, it’s fine, whatever. Let’s just hurry home so I can get ready. My house is just a little bit up that way.”

“Yeah, uh, about that,” JJ mentioned sheepishly, keeping his eyes on the road, “I kinda have to help Pope and Poppa Heyward with something right now. It will only take an hour tops! I’ll just meet you at the party after I’m done.”

You groaned loudly, face-palming yourself. “JJ what the hell! I told you specifically to cancel your plans tonight. It was supposed to be our debut!”

“I did! I just,” he scratched the back of his neck, “kinda broke one of their carts this afternoon, so I have to help them fix it for tomorrow. I think they’re catering your little brunch thingy.”

“How did you even break the cart to begin with?!”

He hid his face from your dagger-eyes and admitted in a low voice, “I, uh, tried to surf on it down a hill when they weren’t looking.”

You had to fight the urge to smack him upside the head, but you didn’t want to risk him veering off the road. Lucky bastard.

“Fine,” you grumbled, “Just make sure you’re on time to the party.” You then eyed his outfit up and down. Even in the little sunlight that emitted from outside, you could tell it was all dirty from his day activities. “And please change into something a little nicer,” you added, “These Kooks would run you to the ground with that on.”

JJ dropped you off at your house and sped away as you unlocked the door into a near empty house. Looks like it would just be you and Alfred for dinner.

Your parents were headed off to the mainland for some business convention. Thankfully, your presence was not needed which saved you an entire day of pretending to be a perfect obedient daughter. It was an exhausting act.

Most teens your age would kill for a night alone, but after countless nights sleeping isolated in a big empty house, it got old and depressing. Most of the time, you’d sleep over at Sarah’s for some kind of company. You were always welcomed at the Camerons’.

Greeting Alfred your usual hello at the foyer, you darted upstairs to wash off and get ready with the little time you had left. The aroma of filet mignon and freshly seasoned veggies filled the house air.

“Oh and Alfred,” you called out over the intricate metal banister, “It’ll just be me eating tonight, so just set the table for one please.”

“Miss Y/n, your friend is not coming?” he asked with hints of concern. You just shook your head with a sad smile. “No, he had to run last minute.”

Alfred gave you a curt nod, making way back into the kitchen while you dashed into the bathroom.

—————————————————

Instead of throwing JJ straight into the shark’s tank (even though, given his already poor track record, you strongly contemplated throwing him to literal sharks), you decided it was best to ease him into the whole boyfriend role.

You figured he’d be more in touch with his aura if you invited him to a Kook party first— which was exactly where you were, furiously texting him where on earth he was.

It was already ten o’clock. The party started hours ago, and he was nowhere to be found. An hour with Pope your ass!

Flopping onto the giant living room couch in Billy Irvine’s mansion, you frowned amongst the throng of drunk privileged kids. Around you, the Glossy Posse was gossiping with other Kooks about some of the summer newcomers while sleazy guys from out of town tried to grab their attention. It never worked.

“So y/n,” Chloe asked next to you on the couch, “I have some great news! It’s no secret that you need a date to the all the fundraiser events, and I might just have one for you! My cousin, Gerald, is coming into town next week, so I can totally set you guys up!”

She proceeded to show you pictures on her phone of a lanky tall guy with discolored hair and a creepy smile. You resorted to taking a gulp of your drink to hide your horrified expression. “Thanks, but, uh, no thanks. I actually have a date already,” you informed, typing away heatedly at your phone for JJ to arrive that instant or so help you.

“Ooh, who is it?” Ivy nosily chimed in at the mention of you finally having a date. From the couch over, you also saw Anne-Marie and Warren lean their heads closer to get the scoop.

Jeez, were people really that interested in your love life?

“It’s-”

Before you could reveal the name, a loud ‘ding�� went off from your phone followed by a text from JJ to alert you that he was out front. “Oh! He’s actually here right now,” you announced, hopping up from your seat to collect your very problematic date.

“You’re late, again!” you scolded to the blond standing all gloomy at the front of the stone curved driveway. He changed into a nicer grey long-sleeve with khaki shorts and his signature red snapback, much to your relief. It didn’t quite match with your intricate white romper, but it would do for the time being.

“The guard wouldn’t let me in the gate! I ended up having to sneak through one of the fences,” JJ explained. You rolled your eyes at his ridiculous excuse. “Then why didn’t you just call me to let you in?” you pointed out.

“It was more fun this way,” he peskily grinned, earning himself a smack on the arm. The guy was impossible. “Ow!” he whined, rubbing the spot. Ignoring his complaints, you seized his hand and led him inside. It was about time!

The foyer flashed with various-colored LED lights while thundering rap music echoed from basically every corner of the house. All around, eyes gawked at you stepping through the Victorian-style entryway with a Pogue of all people. It was like walking into a cave of bats.

“Anyways,” you began, disregarding all the probing eyes, “This is Billy Irvine’s place. It’s the nicest house on the Eight. His parents are out of town right now, so we’re celebrating the Glossy Posse’s birthdays.”

It alway was a coincidence to you how all three of them had birthdays on back-to-back days. Witchcraft, honestly.

“Those bitches?” JJ grimaced at the mention of his sworn female enemies, “Ew why? They hate the Pogues.”

“Just shut up and suck it up. Here,” you grabbed a glass from the champagne tower in the middle of the spacious room, “Have a drink to get your mind off it.”

“Champagne? What the hell is this, England?” he yelped, taking a swig. Rolling your eyes, you hoped the alcohol would alleviate his irritability for the night. Fortunately, the blaring music was enough to drown out his constant bickering.

“Now put your arm around me! It’s time to make our rounds,” you demanded. He obliged and you turned on your best lovestruck game-face, giving him the grand tour of the mansion.

Billy’s mom was also one of the important people of the Island Club, so you had been going over there ever since you were nine being that your moms were friends. Still, you were always amazed by the extravagance of their house. You could tell JJ was also in shock of it all too.

It looked like a castle with two grand marble staircases circling the front with a tall vintage Tiffany chandelier hanging over everything. The floors were the shiniest white marble even with hundreds of teenagers recklessly dancing and slipping all over it.

“Damn, so this is how the other side lives,” JJ commented, marveling at how the LED lights reflected off the diamonds on the chandelier.

He slid his hand down to your waist as you stood closer to his side, taking a whiff of his teakwood cologne. Deep down, it was nice to have someone to attend parties with you, even if it was fake and with JJ.

You took him up the right staircase where plastered kids— some you recognized from school, some just in town for the summer— stumbled up and down the stairs or sloppily made out while pinned to the side walls. Realistically, it didn’t seem that off-brand to JJ’s party scene.

“We’re only staying an hour right?” JJ reminded in your ear as you approached the open bar upstairs. Yes, the Irvine’s had a literal bar in their second level.

“Yes, grumpy!”  

“Do you know if Sarah and John B are coming?” JJ continued to question. You settled on top of a retro bar stool as he leaned against the Irvine’s prized rustic bar.

“No,” you answered, “Sarah doesn’t come to these because Topper’s here. And she hates Kooks.”

“She’s the smarter one of you two!” JJ shouted among the loud music. You shook your head and whacked him again, but lightly this time. Seemed that would be you guy’s thing— hitting.

Even in their inebriated states, Kooks were still staring at you like you had grown a third arm. Which, honestly, was what being with JJ felt like half the time. From the corner of your eye, you caught a glimpse of the Glossy Posse and Warren making their way to you with either wide or curious eyes.

Oh boy.

“Y/n!” they exclaimed, shoving through the crowd. You matched their seemingly gleeful expressions, though you knew deep down they were judging you hard.

“You must be y/n’s date,” Ivy stated without much of a formal introduction.

“Aren’t you that Pogue from the Boneyard that always tries to hit on us?” Chloe brought up once she got a better look at JJ’s face. You snorted, but no one heard you.

You were slightly worried JJ would take their snarky comments the wrong way and lash back, but his cocky grin still laid proudly on his face as he held his hand out to your girl friends. “Name’s JJ. And yeah, I’m y/n’s new man.”

New man. Well, that was certainly a title. All of the Glossy Posse’s threaded eyebrows shot up at the word.

“Y/n,” Anne-Marie said in amazement, “You didn’t tell us you were dating again.”

“Yeah, well, I wanted to keep it kinda lowkey,” you lied, signaling JJ to put his arm around you again.

Expecting your friends to stick up their nose at him or give you guys condemnatory looks, you were surprised to find they were more stunned than snobby. Intrigued, you caught them eyeing JJ up and down as if he possessed some kind of magical charm.

From behind the group, you saw Warren trying to stick his hand out at JJ to introduce himself as the girls did kinda take center stage earlier, shielding him out. “Don’t believe we’ve met yet. I’m Warren, Warren Van Doren.”

JJ had to hold back a laugh at the sound of his rhyming name. So immature.

“Hey man, I’m JJ. Nice to meet you,” he greeted, shaking his hand, “Wait a sec, aren’t you that quarterback that got in that fight at regionals last year?”

Warren smiled sheepishly and looked away. “Yeah, that was me.”

You remembered that fight. The video of it actually went viral for like a week. Warren was a very nice guy, but pissed of, he was an animal. He pummeled the shit out of some of other players during that game. The topic of fighting seemed to bond the two boys as they unknowingly drifted away in their own conversation. Thank God, you were glad that at least one of the boys there would be friendly towards JJ.

“Wow, look what the cat dragged in,” Chloe announced, gesturing towards the stairway. All four of your heads turned to see Max and Anya parade up to the top step linked to one another.

That was the cue.

Furtively, you nudged at JJ’s side, interrupting his football conversation. You gave him an alerting look that said ‘look like you’re in love with me ASAP’ and he quickly enveloped his arm around you to pull you close.

Given the fact that you and JJ hardly knew each other, much less touched, it was a very ungraceful and awkward gesture. Even Warren shot you both a weird look. Either way, you figured it would be perfected after going at it a few times.

Just as the Hollywood couple sauntered in to the packed bar area, JJ dipped his face closer to yours. It was a nice touch to the act. He started whispering some stupid joke in your ear that you could hardly make out among the music and chatter, but you went along with it anyway, playfully slapping at his chest. He even placed his snapback on your head backwards. You almost yelled at him for ruining your hair, but for the sake of the show you were putting on, you pretended it was the cutest thing.

You tried not to look at Max as he passed, as you didn’t want to make things so obvious. But in the split second you did glance his way, his mouth flew agape. In that moment, you knew you had him right in the palm of your hand from twenty feet away. The evil laugh cackled inside your head while you raked your hands through JJ’s hair. It was surprisingly soft.

For the next few minutes, you could feel Max’s stare bore into you back as you leaned closer to JJ, kissing up his jawline and cheek. 

“Damn, y/n, didn’t know you felt like this about me,” JJ teased.

“Shut up. I’m giving them a show,” you hissed with an infatuated smile to mask your threats.

“They’re gone now,” JJ noted lowly in your ear. You both detached like repelling magnets.

Fortunately, the posse and Warren dispersed among the crowd while you and JJ acted out your little PDA scene— it was probably from discomfort, if you were being honest. You did make sure not to hold anything back while you were draped all over JJ.

“Is that it?” JJ droned, back to his normal whiny self, “Am I done? Can we leave?”

Clicking your tongue, you shook your head, but with a grin this time. “Yes, you idiot, we can leave now.”

“Finally!”

JJ’s hand crept to your lower back as you both weaved through the mass of people to the exit. Before you could make it halfway down the staircase, however, you heard a rumbling behind you that stopped both your tracks. Warren’s six-four gigantic self was rummaging down the stairs, leaving booms in his wake.

“JJ! JJ!” he called out, grabbing hold of your fake boyfriend’s arm, “JJ dude, you gotta check out this new game system Billy has upstairs in the game room. You can play live Madden!”

“What?!” JJ’s eyes lit up like a kid on Christmas as Warren tugged you both back up the stairs with his giant football-player muscles.

“Dude it’s fucking sick! You gotta try it out,” Warren kept insisting. You knew JJ wouldn’t be able to resist. His eyes were practically glowing with excitement when he turned back to you as if to ask for some kind of approval.

“Okay, I’m just going to stay for one game,” he swore but you were a hundred-and-ten percent sure he’d be hooked and you could stay for much longer.

“Knock yourself out, Maybank,” you responded with a knowing smile, shooing him off to some depth of the Irvine’s enormous home. When he disappeared, you took the liberty to go search for your friends and finally enjoy the party for yourself.

As you predicted, one game turned into thirty real quick. It was well past midnight and JJ was still buried away somewhere doing who knows what. You didn’t mind. Warren was very responsible and you trusted him to take care of your date.

Plus, it gave you enough time to take rounds of various colored jello shots with Billy, dance on Mrs. Irvine’s countertops with the birthday girls, and devour the four-tiered tiramisu cake with fake-puking Barbie doll toppers that you helped pick out at the bakery.

When it got around one thirty, you grew a little concerned about JJ’s whereabouts so you sent him a quick text just to make sure he was okay and not shoving his head down a toilet. Your phone chimed back instantly—

Im jus fine y/n!!! One mor game! I almos beat War Ins Ass! Fuckin kwarter back!

Oh yeah, he was definitely gone. You texted your family’s driver to come by in about thirty minutes to make sure he’d get home safely. Then, you proceeded to dig in to your third slice of cake. Unlike the rest of your friends, you embraced the joy that was carbs— especially when you were drunk and there was chocolate involved.

JJ came downstairs a few minutes later and found where you were sitting on the couch surrounded by your circle of friends. Even amid the dark yet colorful beaming lights, his hair was still its usual sweaty mess with eyes a tad droopy, indicating just how drunk he was.

“Y/n! There’s my baby!”

He walked up and collapsed right onto your lap, tossing a dangly arm around you. You kept his snapback on for the entire night, assuming your hair was probably a bird’s nest underneath it. Everyone around seemed amused at the sight, and a few girls from school even began asking how you two started dating.

Maybe it wasn’t so bad after all.

Well, that was until your thigh circulation began ceasing due to JJ’s bony ass on it. You immediately demanded that you switch places with him, and he sloppily obliged. The throng around you giggled, intrigued by the new lovey-dovey couple. Secretly, you ate up the attention and knew JJ did too.

He was in the middle of telling everyone a dumb Boneyard party story when Max and Anya entered the living room premises. They looked like they were fixing to leave. Your date felt you tense a little in his lap and caught on to your sudden judder.

Boldly, JJ made direct eye contact with Max and threw him one of those ‘what’s up’ nods. Then, out of nowhere, in his completely trashed state, JJ cupped both of your cheeks and planted a very brazen kiss on your lips for everyone to see. Shutting your eyes, you heard a few whistles from the crowd around you, especially when he, very obviously, added his tongue to the mix.

JJ was a good kisser, you had to admit. It quite literally, took your breath away when he pulled back. Biting your lip, you mimicked his shit-eating grin while he pressed his perspiration-filled forehead on yours. It was a huge acne-hazard just waiting to happen. But, like the snapback, you didn’t care. It was the most thrilling thing you had done in months.

“Don’t look now, but Vega and his girl have their jaws dropped to the floor behind you,” he muttered in your ear. You giggled and held onto him closer, leaning your head on his chest.

It was probably be best fifteen hundred bucks you had ever spent.

—————————————————

The next morning was your mom’s weekly Saturday brunch. By default, you showed up an hour early to help greet the guests, frequently checking your watch and phone to see when JJ would arrive.

You had a tennis tournament earlier that morning, however, you didn’t even bother making your fake boyfriend go. After the events of last night, you knew he’d be too hungover in the morning and wouldn’t wake up in time for it. He was getting to be very predictable.

At t-minus five minutes until the brunch started, everyone had already made their way into the ballroom. That left just you waiting in the lobby area for your date. The look on your face was just about ready to kill JJ whenever he walked through the door. You also didn’t see Sarah and John B arrive either, so you assumed they would be a no-show yet again.

About a minute past noon, the blond sauntered past the doors wearing a black suit that looked two sizes to big for him with hideous shoulder pads. You presumed it was his dad’s old one. He also had on jet black sunglasses to mask the grogginess from the party, but it was pretty evident he looked and felt like shit.

“You’re late again!” you hissed through gritted teeth, snatching his hand like he was an uncontrollable child. Maybe you should invest in a leash and collar for him since he could never get his attendance right.

“What do you mean? You said noon,” he yawned, unfazed at your irritation.

“The brunch starts at noon!” you jeered, “That means you have to show up early!”

“Well you failed to mention those rules,” he tried to bicker back, but you flashed him one of your bitch-looks before he could go any further. That had him shriveling at the sight.

“Whatever, just hurry up and let’s get seated,” you ordered, leading him through the majestic looking double doors, “And take off those sunglasses!”

Much to your dismay, the doors made a very loud creaking noise when they opened. Just about everyone did a double-take to see you arrive late and with a woozy-looking boy shoving sunglasses in his suit pocket.

Eyes were glued on you while judgmental whispers filled the already tense air. There was a small churn in your stomach as you weaved through the round tables. Something was also gnawing at your brain, telling you that it was a terrible, terrible idea. You attempted to brush it aside, though, as you and JJ took your seats.

For some odd reason, the Glossy Posse didn’t show the same enthusiasm towards JJ like the did at the party. They were back to their pretentious ways— you figured it was probably just their hangover attitude.

On the other hand, Warren happily greeted JJ when he sat down, exchanging one of those typical ‘bro’ handshakes. They started chatting on about the previous night while you tried to make small talk with the girls. Unfortunately, they were still being short with you and were, very obviously, throwing looks at JJ, along with their dates.

Glancing to your parents’ table, they didn’t look like they cared too much about your situation, having just flown in from their trip. They were too engrossed in entertaining their friends to really pay you any mind. Sometimes you were grateful that they were oblivious to some things. When you look over at the Vegas, however, Mr. and Mrs. Vega both sent you a disapproving look. The other families followed.

You couldn’t help but feel like you were in over your head at that point. Was it a mistake bringing JJ to this event?

The servers came out and made their rounds at the tables, setting bowls of water in front of everyone.

“Thank God, I’m starving,” JJ piped, taking his dessert spoon to sip water from the finger bowl.

“JJ,” you yelled-whispered as guests continued to stare.

“What?” he chided back with an attitude, completely unaware of his surroundings.

“The water is for your fingers.”

His face shot up from the bowl and scanned the room at people dipping their fingers into their respective bowls. “Oh shit,” he sputtered as your entire table tried to hide their snorts.

When the food finally came out, it didn’t really get any better. Baked chicken was on the menu and, well, JJ was the only one in the room who didn’t use a fork and knife. Everyone stared at him incredulously as he used his hands to gobble up his plate. Though, the boy didn’t seem to notice any of the baffled eyes.

Attempting to shield your red face, you continued to take tiny bites from your food, hoping the next hour would go by fast.

You hoped too soon.

As soon as JJ was done eating, he let out a loud belt to where the tables around you could hear. Warren high-fived him. At least someone got a kick out of it. You, along with the rest of the guests, had nothing but revolt on your faces.

Once the plates were cleared, the servers brought out creme brûlée for dessert. You were grateful it was something semi-clean to eat. JJ seemed to get a knack out of all the food. He even leaned over to you with his mouth full and muttered, “This food is fantastic! My compliments to the chef.”

You half-smiled back in embarrassment and took a spoon-full of your dessert. Thankfully, your mom waltzed over when you were half-way through to ask for your help carrying in the posters and stands from the lobby that displayed all the charity and donation information.

Immediately, you rose and scattered out, away from all the the dense room.

At the front, you began picking up the easel stands to bring inside until you spotted the jet-black locks of the last person you wanted to run into that afternoon. You almost dropped the large items in your hands when he came up to you.

“So, I see you brought Maybank here. Looks like he’s really enjoying himself in there,” Max commented dryly beside you. Mrs. Vega must have asked him for a hand as well.

You winced at the oozing criticism in his voice. It was the first time you had spoken to him one-on-one since the breakup.

”Yeah, we’re, uh, kind of together now,” you mentioned, lugging a display. He grabbed the two remaining and rushed to keep up with you, following you back in.

Out of nowhere, he let out disbelieving laugh, “You can’t be serious, y/n, you and Maybank?”

Taken aback by his brashness, you stopped right before the ballroom doors, frowning. “Yeah,” you shot back sternly, “Why not? I get along with him fine.”

“Doesn’t look like it to me. The guy’s a total tool. I’ve told you that from the beginning. Trust me, I know.”

“Know what? What’s good for me?” you pressed, growing more and more exasperated at the sound of his deep and raspy voice.

It was sexy, no doubt, but just the things that were coming out of his mouth made you want to slap him silly. How dare he prance up to you in his gorgeous light blue Armani suit and tell you what’s good for you!

“I just know who you are, y/n,” he went on calmly, with not an ounce of anger present in his tone, “And JJ’s just not a good guy for you.”

You were seeping with outrage at that point. Hiking in a breath, you spoke with the speckles of tranquility you had left in you. “Well I appreciate your concern, though I hardly understand why you have any for me. But we broke up, Max. You completely lost the right to tell me any of that.”

With that, you furiously stomped into the brunch and set the displays at the front for your mom. Max looked dumbstruck as he trailed behind. But you didn’t care.

“Everything okay? Did something happen with Vega?” JJ asked when you got back to your seat. You remained silent. It was the only way to keep yourself from screaming.

It was all too much— the piercing stares, the messy eating, Max.

“I’m going to the bathroom,” you informed to JJ as he listened to another one of Warren’s football stories, “And then we’re leaving.”

Before he could respond, you were already racing to the bathroom as fast as your Jimmy Choo wedges could take you.

You needed air. And fast.

Bursting through the bathroom door, you heaved yourself into the biggest stall and flopped down on the toilet seat, taking in deep breaths to calm yourself. It didn’t help much. The room was still twirling like you were on the Graviton at a carnival. Too nauseous from it all, you didn’t even care that you were ruining your new white Valentino dress.

You just wanted to hurl inside the antique-decorated bathroom but couldn’t. It was miserable. But at least the bathroom was empty.

All the seeming success of last night crumbled away with every disapproving look or whisper of the guests. And then Max— that fucking asshole. Your head was thumping endlessly as you felt the stress knots crawl up your spine.

What were you thinking? Maybe you were in over your head. No one was believing it. Not for a second.

Even JJ was terrible at playing along. You should’ve known it was just wishful thinking. You knew you had to throw in the towel and told yourself you would call it off once you found some way to stop the hot tears that were streaming down your made-up cheeks.

As you felt your breathing start to normalize, you slowly lifted from the toilet seat and smoothened out your dress. When the bathroom door slammed open against the wall, you immediately fell back down, wanting to avoid any form of human interaction for the rest of your life.

Titters and snickers echoed the air as two girls stumbled in, mid-conversation. They didn’t seem to notice you in the stall at all. Thank God.

“Would you believe y/n? Bringing that dirty Pogue here? She’s gone insane!” A nasally voice spoke by the sinks.

You scrunched your nose, trying to catch a glimpse of their shoes from the opening underneath the stall. You nearly puked. Nameless brand heels? Unacceptable.

“I know! He’s so disgusting and that suit is just repulsive! Does she not have an ounce of embarrassment?” the other one added.

You didn’t recognize their voices, but assumed they probably went to your school by the way they knew you and JJ. A part of you wanted to charge out of the stall and drag their pitiful selves to the ground. But seeing as you were just recovering from a near panic attack, you didn’t have the energy. And they didn’t deserve your breath.

Nevertheless, they still went on. 

“Ever since Vega dumped her for California girl, she’s completely gone off the rails. First the hair change and now she’s dating a Pogue like Sarah Cameron is. It’s so pathetic!”

“Seriously, train wreck of the year if you ask me.”

Train wreck? Pathetic? You’ll show them what pathetic is! Especially with those god-awful shoes. Do they have an ounce of embarrassment showing up here with that kind of atrocity?

You were seconds away from emerging from your ashes to put them in their place. But, lucky for them, they escaped before you could come out of confinement.

Huffing, you stormed out of the stall and towards the mirrors to fix yourself. God forbid you’d ever let anyone see you with smeared mascara!

Dabbing a wet cloth on your cheeks to soothe out the redness, you heard the creak of the door opening behind you and immediately tossed it into a bin. You pretended to fix your hair. Fortunately, the redness faded to a soft pink to look like blush.

Anya strolled in the bathroom behind you. Ugh, the cherry on top of the cake.

You faked a tight smile at her. She threw a cheery one at you, walking up the sink next to yours to toss up her bouncy, voluminous hair. “So, I thought you said that guy out there wasn’t you boyfriend,” she pointed out, not taking her eyes off her own reflection.

“Oh, psh, well you know,” you sputtered, not expecting the sudden inquisition, “One thing led to another that night at the Boneyard and it just kinda… happened.”

It was the first real conversation you had with her, and you wanted to hold your breath at the awkwardness. Anya nodded at your answer, puckering her lips slyly. “I just think it’s cute that you’re trying to make Max jealous.”

You almost did a double take. It was so subtle and smooth, her comment almost flew right over your head. “Excuse me?” you shot back, turning to the blonde-haired home-wrecker.

She didn’t even flinch a muscle at your snub expression, just continued to ogle at herself. It was menacing. Evil really did take form in Anya Carmichael.

“Oh, did I need to spell it out for you?” she blinked, “Y/n, you’ve been out of the picture. If you think showing up with that god-awful guy in his dad’s raggedy suit is gonna change Max’s mind about you, I assure you it won’t work.”

She crinkled her eyes in a hateful smile.

What was with people and their audacity that afternoon? Whatever was in their water, you were not about to have any of it. No one spoke to you like that.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” you said blandly, wanting to get under her skin.  

“Yes you do,” she snarled back, placing both hands on the sink in a threatening manner, “Look. Max and I are together now. You need to get that in your tiny pea-brain head. Do not play dumb with me. I see you looking over at him every five minutes. Get. Over. It.”

“Like I said,” you responded back in a fake-innocent tone just to push her buttons some more, “I have no idea what you’re talking about, Anya. I think all the hairspray is really getting to your head.”

Two can play that game.

She narrowed her almond eyes at you and straightened up proudly. Even though she was way taller than you in her six-inch heels, you still stood your ground, blinking up at her tauntingly. At least your swanky parents taught you that much.

She scoffed. “Give it up, seriously. Using that guy to try to get back at your ex is just pathetic. Max was right about you. You’re just a shallow virgin with a handbag.”

With that, she tossed her hair behind her shoulder and strutted out the door. Your blood was boiling, having half a mind to go out there and rip the bottled-blonde right off her head. You should’ve known it was all an act!

Fuming, you treaded back to the brunch table, your face doing a complete one-eighty once you stepped through the doors. A lady never showed her seething anger underneath.

JJ spotted you and promptly stood up, snatching your purse, and getting ready to leave.

“Sit,” you demanded, pushing him down by the shoulder so his ass plopped back firmly on the chair. The look of utter shock flashed on his face, but he just took it.

“I’m feeling better now. We’re staying,” you informed as if you were a commander at war. You glanced over at the Vegas’ table where Anya hung her arm proudly on Max’s bicep as he made some joke to his table. She threw over a glare at you. No one but you noticed.

You draped an arm on one of JJ’s ridiculously large shoulder pads, nuzzling your nose to his neck. He was still as confused as ever though, but still went along with it, digging his fork into your half-eaten dessert which he later finished.

If Anya wanted a war, you’ll give her one. May the best bitch win.

---------------------------------------

note: YES SHE WENT THERE! you kno i had to stir in anya- y/n drama!!! 

pls message me to be tagged! 

next chapter

tags: @2kayla64​​ @jewel25​​ @rudyypankow​​ @rafecameron​​ @ultranikilove​​ @wicked-laugh​​​ @outerbankslut​​ @agirlwholovescoffee​​ @tovvaf @obxlife​​ @ilovejjmaybank​​ @celestialmaybank @erraaxh​​ @poguecollins​​ @jolomez​​ @x-lulu​​ @danicarosaline​​ @teamnick​​ @outerbankslut​​​ @sweetlysilent​​​ @5am-cigarette @n1ghtsh4d3-67 ​​@duskangxl @hollandary​​ @rudths​​ @meaganjm​​ @bluesiderudy​​ @http-cherries​​ @allycat449-blog​​ @pink-meringues @mendesmaybank @lunaposey @natsiboo​ @primroswx​ @wtfkie​ @heyitsmeimdead @ilymarkchan​ @drewwbabyy-blog @kookkyra​ @mayybankz​ @ifilwtmfc​ @annedub

[missinghan]

give it a chance ⤖ lee minho

❖ genre : college au; roommates au; friends to lovers au

❖ word count : 9,6k.

❖ warning : explicit language, slightly suggestive & mentions of alcohol

❖ summary : you convinced yourself to attend a party in order to prevent Lee Minho from doing stupid things; however it’s not so stupid anymore when your roommate said he needed to tell you something important.

❖ a/n : the continuation of what if we is dedicated to @chaninfused, so *clears throat* this is where I hereby declare that she deserves more than what the entire universe can possibly give her; oh hi furat, this is why I’ve been so cryptic all this time. I know this isn’t much but I want to thank you for tolerating me and letting me be mean to you even though we only started talking for a few months; you’re an incredibly great friend and an amazing writer, don’t ever forget that 🖤

one.

It’s been almost a week since Jisung last talked to Minho (albeit texts and FaceTime) and he wakes up to his best friend roaming around his crusty kitchen, struggling to find a bottle of honey. Seungmin’s mom has been constantly sending them thirty packets of rib soup per week. And Minho thinks the sight of Han Jisung slurping on nothing but distorted rice with pork ribs while stressing over his paper for seven days straight is more tragic than his non-existent love life.

“It’s like you’re trying to turn us into gym rats,” Hyunjin snickers lazily, flinging his bangs away from his face. “You even brought us Tupperwares, are you really expecting us not to order tacos impulsively on study nights?” He’s a little dubious about stuff like this because he can feel the actual horror of only eating chicken breast and string beans just by seeing Chan cooking them up. 

Seungmin chucks a piece of lettuce towards his direction, “Don’t you have anything else to do other than complaining?” He knows that when Jisung and Hyunjin decide to order food on study nights, they’re gonna do anything but study.

“Uhm, I actually do,” he replies nonchalantly. “I’m going through Minho’s phone.”

Jisung takes a seat next to him by the counter, propping his head onto his hands, “What’s the point? There’s nothing but cat photos and cat memes...and also Y/N as his background.”

“That angle is hideous, by the way,” Hyunjin comments like the true photography geek he is, which is completely ignored by Minho because he’s too cranky to start a fight at ten in the morning. “But it’s kinda cute for you to do that, so I’m gonna turn a blind eye.”

Jisung asks out of the blue, “Who’s going to BamBam’s party this Sunday? Well, besides the other two-thirds of 3RACHA.” 

“I have a midterm on Monday, dumbass,” Seungmin mumbles while washing his vegetables at the sink. 

“And I’m sleeping over at Lix’s for a project,” Hyunjin informs him lamely, having no intention to attend another single frat party. At least not BamBam’s frat parties—that guy has the weirdest friends; a chick was so drunk that she thought Hyunjin was her boyfriend and almost tried to make out with him on the dance floor. 

Jisung secretly hates going to parties without his friends- no, actually, he never goes to parties without people from his social circle because he dreads the whole introduction part that requires formalities and inevitable awkwardness. But it’s not like that with Minho, ten minutes into their very first conversation and he feels like he’s known him for years. 

In short, he will die if Minho doesn’t come to the party. Chan can only chat with him for so long until his DJ duty occurs and Changbin’s probably gonna be too busy doing keg stands to care about his antisocial friend. 

“Fine, I’ll go,” Minho gives in while chopping up the chicken breasts and this prompts Jisung to clap happily like a seal for the next twenty seconds as he skips over to the fridge to fetch a water bottle. “But we’re gonna need a ride, I’m not taking my motorbike for some crackhead to puke on it. Ask Chan later when you crash at his place.”

Jisung tosses his head back to take a peek at the clock hanging by the bookshelf, and it reads 10:07 AM. He really should be getting for his class at eleven because traffic sucks but he’s not feeling like sitting through two hours of Park ranting about marketing strategies. “Can’t Y/N just drive us? I don’t think she’d let anyone else take you home when you’re not sober,” he ponders, earning a nod of agreement from both of his roommates. 

Just when Minho opens his mouth to brush it off, he stops himself to process the information again and holds back a ‘you’re right’ because he hates letting people know that they’re not wrong. He wouldn’t let anyone drive you home when you’re drunk either. “Her car’s with her dad right now,” he tries to sound casual when three pairs of curious eyes are glued onto his back. “I, uh, sorta had it run into a tree last week.”

“You what? How are you still alive?” Hyunjin’s jaw is on the floor and Seungmin accidentally dumps too much vinegar into his salad while Jisung’s choking on the iced cold water, coughing furiously after into the sleeve of his hoodie. Guess Chan’s gonna have to drive them both. After all, he can never say ‘no’ to J.One. 

Minho murmurs, “A dude rear-ended me, fucking idiot.” He finishes marinating the chicken breasts and arranges them nicely onto a tray with aluminum foil on top, pushing it into the preheated oven. “And basically she’s never letting me touch her car again,” he sighs while staring into midair dreamily, flashbacking to last Friday when you immediately Ubered yourself all the way from campus to downtown after picking up his call. All he got was thirty seconds of affection; you made sure that he’s not hurt and the rest was just a monstrous tantrum. He ended up sleeping on the couch that night. 

“My my, you two are just like an old married couple,” Hyunjin chuckles lightheartedly and shakes his head, scrolling through the series of texts in amusement, “What even is this? I swear your conversation consists of 60% ‘when are you going home?’, 40% ‘your lunch is here’ and 20% terrible cat memes.”

“We’re roommates,” Minho drags the word through gritted teeth, holding back all the murderous thoughts inside his head because he feels like Hyunjin’s just asking for a death wish. It’s too early for this. 

Unexpectedly, Seungmin decides he’s in a pretty good mood today since he aced his OChem pop quiz yesterday; meaning, he’s gonna stick his nose into his friend’s business whenever there’s a chance. “Don’t you guys share a bed too?” he pretends to play dumb only to receive a kick in the shin from the older boy. 

“We’re also broke,” Minho cranes his neck tiredly, washing the dirty knife under the tap. “Besides, the heater in the living room sucks.”

“You both even smell the same, it’s getting kinda creepy. Please don’t tell me you guys also share showers to have a light water bill,” Jisung makes a gagging noise and Minho thinks he’s already said too much. His grip on the knife tightens for a split second before letting it drop into the sink. He doesn’t trust himself with anything sharp the moment Hyunjin started this unwanted conversation. He also regrets stealing Changbin’s meal prep recipes to feed his trash friends. 

Minho questions callously, “We just use the same shampoo and shower gel, what’s the big deal?” His hands go for the box of oatmeal that Felix left here last time in the cabinet full of random food. He doesn’t get why Seungmin would buy so much groceries like he’s in a pandemic knowing damn well that his idiotic roommates can’t cook for shit. 

Hyunjin purses his lips, trying to prove his point, “Don’t you think that it’s weird? You don’t do those things with us.”

“Because none of you would fucking house me when I was on the verge of being homeless!”

“And why is she yelling at you through texts anyway? Bro, there’s like ten missed calls here with at least a hundred ‘where are you?’. Why is she terrorizing you this early in the morning?” Minho immediately snaps out of his semi-angry trance, chest heaving up and down. 

“Oh shit,” he facepalms himself. “I promised to pick her up at ten from class, what time is it again?”

“You’re fifteen minutes late, my friend,” Jisung supplies unhelpfully. “It’ll take another ten to arrive at campus, without traffic that is. You’re so dead. D-E-A-D.” It feels weird to hear something correct coming out of Jisung’s mouth (twice in a row) and now Minho wishes he could just whack his friend unconscious on the floor with the new set of microphones that Chan gave him last year for Secret Santa. 

“Oh, I left your rice sitting at ‘warm’, by the way,” Minho makes a grab for his biker jacket and helmet on the counter before fleeing out of the apartment with his sneakers half-way tucked in. It’s not even been thirty minutes since they’ve seen each other for the past week and Jisung’s already choked on water, not once, but twice because of Lee Minho. Sometimes he wonders if the universe is telling him that he needs new friends. 

two. 

“Your boyfriend is late.”

“He’s not my boyfriend,” you hiss at Yeji while staring at Minho’s contact on your phone anxiously. There’s no reason for you to be; worst-case scenario, you can just take the 0325 home and lock him outside for the night so that he’ll have no choice but to endure Chan’s embarrassing sleeping habits. He wouldn’t even notice either way because he’d be too busy swearing in his sleep to be annoyed. 

Yeji puts her hair up into a ponytail after stretching her limbs tiredly. She only has one class today and no choice but to stay on campus for her shift at the café before lunch break. Too bad Woojin can’t cover her today because of midterms. “I’m only speaking facts,” she tells you with a yawn and notices the slight pout on your face. “Hey, don’t be sad just because your stupid boyfriend can’t pick you up. I can call Chaeryeong if you need a ride here and there, she wouldn’t mind.”

“I’m not fucking sad!”

“Y/N, you look more depressed than Ryujin when she got a B+ in calc.” That’s irrelevant, Shin Ryujin already has a GPA booster after signing up for Kim’s stats class, one B+ won’t make it any less sparkly.

You only let out a prolonged sigh after checking your phone for the tenth time in the past half an hour. He isn’t picking up any of your calls, your messages probably can’t even reach him and now you’re sitting at M.I.A Cafe with a cup of plain water after standing outside at the front gate for so long like an idiot. An idiot, who’s hopelessly in love with her roommate- wait what? 

Listen, you already know that this is going to happen. It’s awfully inevitable and it’s getting harder and harder as the days pass by because summer is almost here. Meaning, Minho’s gonna move out soon, according to the contract. 

Are you sad about that? 

Yeah, kinda.

The more you think about it the more you regret your decision that day to let him stay with you. Because now you don’t think you’d be able to sleep without him next to you, hogging the blanket all to himself; you get angsty when he’s not home even if he’s just at dance practice; you’re definitely getting way too used to sharing an earphone with him while you both are dreading your assignments silently at the kitchen counter. And now you’re getting nervous just because he’s thirty minutes late. He’s never late, not even to your Monday Movie Night where you both can pig out and binge-watch the Avatar: The Last Airbender series until you’re sick of it. 

Maybe you’re relying on him too much. Hypothetically speaking, it’s not his fault for the damage of your car but you’re just making excuses to be with him. You even set him as your emergency contact. It’s kinda tedious to be your roommate, you realize. All of those things aren’t mandatory and he can simply mind his own business without having to feel obligated because of the ‘roommates’ label yet he’d still choose you, over everything else. Perhaps he’s dealing with his own first world problems and forgot to leave you a message this time. 

Yeji inquires breezily, wiping a cup dry with a towel, “Also, are you going to BamBam’s party this weekend?”

“For me to carry your ass home after getting shitfaced and sit through another two-hour lecture from Lia? I’ll pass thank you very much.”

She indicates with a quirk of her perfectly dark brow, “What if I tell you that Minho’s gonna be there?” Now she sounds like she’s the one who’s crushing on Lee Minho and not you. Never knew that your friends can be this creepy but the more you learn… “Jisung just told me he found a plus one aka Mister Celebrity to attend that frat party with, you wouldn’t have the heart to let me be the loner right?” she pouts with her nose scrunched and it reminds you too much of Light Fury so you look away, knowing that you wouldn’t stand a goddamn chance if she kept this up.

“How is that my problem?” you merely roll your eyes, slightly annoyed. “And also, isn’t Jisung supposed to have his marketing class now?”

Yeji doesn’t give a damn about what on Earth Han Jisung is doing with his life so she just brushes your question off. “Would you let Minho drink irresponsibly?”

You nod without hesitation, though it feels wrong coming out of your mouth, “He can do whatever he wants...as long as my carpet remains clean after his hangover.”

“Would you let me drink irresponsibly?”

“The same goes for you,” you tell her monotonously. “And I only picked you up because Lia sounded like she was hyperventilating when you attended that one law brat’s birthday party. Na Jaemin, wasn’t it? Hate that guy, by the way.”

Yeji thinks it’s time for you to open up even more and not despise people that much. Having Lee Minho as your roommate is already a huge step-up but it’s not like there have been any modifications to your routine except the fact that another human being is simply enduring your bitchy ass of a loner. She wants you to be really out there, just not messing with shit like doing keg stands because Seo Changbin is a terrible influence. Woojin once had to drop his shift at the sushi place to drive Jeongin home because Changbin left him hanging on the beanbag chair for a game of beer pong. Jeongin has never gone to another single party since. 

“You hate literally everyone!” Yeji’s getting impatient, you can feel it.

“Are you telling me it’s my fault that people are shitty?” you bark, massaging the sides of your temple tiredly. You wish you could just drop the entirety of your current presentation to Yeji because your brain cells are already evaporating one by one into thin air.

She barks back, merely sneering, “C’mon! Y/N, it’s not like you ever have plans for the weekend.”

“But I’m having midterms on Monday, I didn’t spend my time on those notes for nothing.”

She shakes her head at you almost in disapproval. Sure, you’re a coward for backing out on this because BamBam’s no stranger to you. That Thai kid has been hanging out with Chan since middle school and he always offers to buy you coffee whenever you happen to drop by as they’re working on a project together. He’s a nice guy, but you don’t know him that well. Something in your gut is telling you that he has weird friends (he totally does). And you’re not about to overdrink only to blurt out an awful confession to Minho while being surrounded by a bunch of crackheads that aren’t in your social sphere.

“I heard kids are vapi-” Yeji stops herself, thinking she should just give up, and get ready for the next batch of sleep-deprived customers coming in at lunch break before Jeongin chucks an avocado at her direction for chit-chatting too much about your gigantic crush on Minho. “Nevermind, it’s not like you’d care anyway, have fun with reviewing I guess.” And with that, she leaves you alone with the cup of plain water to dump the used coffee grounds in the trash.

It takes you at least ten seconds to comprehend what she just said. And you’ve come up with a new yet very last-minute decision: screw midterm because you’re making sure that Lee Minho’s going home in one piece. 

Very timely, your phone buzzes on the wooden counter.

[10:38 AM]

lino | hey you still on campus?

three.

The blush scattered across your cheekbones just grows ten shades darker when you see Minho at the front gate leaning against his black Kawasaki; disheveled hair, hands stuffed inside his pockets, occasional puffs of smoke escaping his lips, and unbothered gaze. You’ve never told him this, you’re not telling him this now, and you’re never gonna tell him; but he looks stupidly good in that biker jacket. Again, you don’t get how someone can look this good early in the morning. 

“What are you doing here?” you murmur grimly, approaching him from behind. It feels like he’s doing this to your heart on purpose, without even trying. And those girls over there are making you very uncomfortable by eyeing your roommate up and down like he’s an expensive piece of steak with a gold leaf sticking to it.

Minho turns sideways and flashes you a smile; your little heart just did a perfect cartwheel because of that, it can only take so much. “Sorry, I kinda lost track of time, but I still promised to pick you up, didn’t I?” he says casually as your face morphs into a deep frown because you’re basically confused. The only problem is: you don’t even know why you’re confused. There’s this fluttering feeling at the pit of your stomach and now you feel as though someone just gives you a blow to the head when Minho looks straight into your eyes, brows slightly knitted together.

This is not healthy. 

“You didn’t answer my calls or my texts.”

Minho thinks you look cuter than usual when you’re silently fuming because you’re not the type to lash out on people. But it’s not so cute anymore when you threatened to flush his AirPods down the toilet that one time when he spilled ketchup on your carpet. He just hopes he doesn’t end up sleeping on the couch tonight like last time. 

“I put my phone on silent, as always,” he reminds you of how much of a pain in the ass it is to receive a call-back or a simple reply from him. 

You make a face, “Whatever, didn’t I tell you not to make a scene? Have you seen those chicks back there? They’re watching me as if I’m sabotaging their dreams of eating you alive.” Well, you can’t exactly blame your roommate for having girls gushing over him wherever he goes because...it’s his fault for looking like a snack all the time. 

Minho quickly detects how you’re not overly fond of his admirers and needless to say, he’s fairly amused. “Then let them,” he puts an arm over your shoulders and pulls you flushed against him, ruffling your hair. Moments later, you’re already hearing scandalous gasps along with hushed whispers going through your eardrums like a never-ending train. It’s really setting your nerves on fire. 

“Don’t you think that this is weird?”

“What?” Now it’s Minho who’s confused here. 

You slightly push him away and avert your gaze elsewhere to avoid eye contact. “We’re roommates, right?” you mumble, slightly unsure about...all of this. 

“Hmm, what about it?”

“Well, I don’t know…” you fiddle with the hem of your jacket and sigh. “What if people keep getting the wrong idea about us?” You sound somewhat regretful as if your decision of taking him in as your roommate was a mistake, as if you feel like it’s better off if he wasn’t in your life at all, as if the past month was completely meaningless. Since when did things become this complicated? It started with a harmless one-month contract and now Minho’s not sure of what he should do next. But that’s not it, is it? Maybe he’s just overthinking too much. 

He looks hesitant for a moment there, very not-Lee-Minho of him. “We’re still cool right?” Minho tilts his head to the side, the afternoon sunlight slips through fluffs of white clouds and brings the constellations in his warm brown eyes to life. Though he looks like a scolded child, you can’t help but want to put this moment into a frame and simply cherish it for the rest of your life. 

“Beats me,” you breathe out, silently hating yourself for not being able to get angry at him. It’s harder than you thought, really, and it doesn’t help when his eyes keep doing that thing to your poor little heart. “Make me pasta and we’re good,” you end up chuckling when Minho’s expression turns a solid three hundred and sixty at the offer.

“That’s not a very smart move for a business major, your loss,” he replies with a goofy smile, tossing the helmet that he got you yesterday in your direction. And if you pay attention enough, you can almost see Minho exhaling out of relief. But you’re too busy staring at the ground to douse yourself in your own giddiness to notice. “Oh crap, I think I left my wallet at Hyunjin’s,” he tells you after swinging a leg over on his shiny vehicle. 

You narrow your eyes at him, “You don’t need your wallet to make me pasta now do you?”

“By the way, are you going to BamBam’s party?”

“Only if you’re going,” you scratch the bridge of your nose with your ring finger, a little embarrassed to admit that he’s the only reason why you’re ditching midterms. 

Minho’s hearty laugh fills your eardrums, shit-eating grin and all. “If it makes you feel better, Chan’s driving us,” he voices without looking at you, but your chest still swells either way. 

You fucking hate how you have the softest spot for him. 

four.

You’re already regretting this although you’ve only been sitting in Chan’s back seats for less than twenty minutes. Crankiness takes over your body as a result of reviewing for the whole afternoon, your eyelids are getting droopy, and your head seems to be all too big for your neck at this rate. More reasons for you to not drink tonight. 

“Ugh, why am I even here?” you groan, and Jisung scrunches his nose, slightly alarmed because you’re not usually this loud unless you’re high on caffeine. 

Minho tells you in the most lighthearted way possible, “Because you love me.” 

You wish you could just put his head through a wall because everything and anything coming out of his mouth are never healthy for your mind, or heart. “Uhm, no I don’t.”

“But you did confess your love to me,” he singsongs as if he just hit a jackpot with his lottery ticket, angling his head to toss you a wink. “I have receipts, ma’am. They’re right here, in my heart.” Minho’s never seen you so giddy before so he recorded everything, but he’s not planning on putting himself on a chopping block by telling you that. 

You shove his arm and purse your lips, flaming cheeks but the car’s too dark for him to see it. “I was sick, asshole, I talk shit more when I have a fever than when I’m drunk,” you defend yourself helplessly, not enjoying the fact that he had to bring it up when you’re in a confined space with Seo Changbin and Han Jisung. 

“Minho doesn’t like it when Y/N raises her voice.” Great, now he’s talking in third person. 

“What are you even? Four?”

He winks at you, “Baby me, baby.”

“Oh my god shut the fuck up and get away from me!”

“You’ll never get rid of me, baby.” Eventually, you give up because you’re too mentally exhausted and there’s still a long night ahead of you. You’re not wasting your energy in pointless arguments with him because you both yell at each other on a daily basis anyway. 

“Maybe he’ll zip it if you tell him that you love him,” Jisung suggests innocently with a not-so-innocent look on his face. He’s already acting dumb when he’s this fucking sober so you’re not looking forward to two hours later when vodka’s practically replaced his own blood. 

“I’d rather chew off my own foot.” Changbin snorts involuntarily at your stiff remark, Chan mutters a small ‘ouch’ while Jisung’s too busy laughing his ass off. And a demeaning silence descends after that. 

Minho’s right next to you, oddly unresponsive to the situation, his head leaning against your shoulder as he gazes dejectedly out the window. You don’t see how stormy his eyes are. He also misses his motorcycle tremendously because Chan’s the safest (slowest) driver to ever exist. No joke, if he keeps going at the pace of thirty miles per hour then you should just skip the party and watch a movie while getting drunk at his place altogether. 

“Can you go any fucking slower?”

“Excuse me?” Chan laughs in disbelief, he’s a little offended because he personally thinks he’s a good driver, maybe a little bit too obedient when it comes to the law. Hey, at least you know you’re in good hands. “I’m not trying to get us all killed before BamBam could poison one of you guys.” 

Jisung purses his lips as he’s reminded of the last party where he ran into that Thai dude. He gave him a plastic cup, telling him that it’s merely a harmless fruity vodka only for Jisung to get kicked out by an Uber driver after throwing up in the back seats. Turns out, the lemons and oranges in the cocktail were relatively spoilt. 

“I’m gonna die from boredom before we could even get into a car accident,” Minho informs him unconstructively, staring at some random notifications from Instagram of people commenting on his cats’ photos, text messages from his mom and swipes them all away. Mostly to chuckle to himself like a moron because of his lock screen. Yes, your stupid face is still on there after three weeks and you don’t know if you should be crying or laughing.

Chan narrows his eyes at the rear-view mirror, “It seems like you’re entertaining yourself just fine by looking at Y/N’s face.” 

“This photo does make me laugh because it’s priceless,” the younger boy states without turning his head to look at you. “But still, bored.” 

The car grows silent again soon after because Chan’s already been stressed out enough from traffic since clearly, people can’t drive to save their own lives. But it’s not like your friends can keep their mouths shut for the rest of the trip anyway. 

“Boreddd,” Minho voices randomly while a J.One’s song is blasting through the speaker. It’s a terribly soft song and it doesn’t help when Minho feels like he can downright sleep through an earthquake, potentially falling into an enormous crack on the Earth’s surface and still being able to nap like there’s no tomorrow. He’s just glad that Jisung grew out of ‘Wow’ and embraces his awkward self through his own music. It’s..sentimental but what’s a J.One song without that element?

Changbin looks up from his phone for half a second, wholly uninterested. “Then shut up and sleep,” he says expressionlessly. Very timely, his most recent track comes up next on the playlist and he starts rapping along with it. Minho thinks he can really use a good eye shut as SpearB is performing live right behind him because Changbin can only stay sober like this for so long until he gets his hands on one of BamBam’s sketchy-looking concoctions. 

You’re starting to get bored too at this rate because usually, during times like this when the car is filled with nothing but music and everyone (except for the driver) feels like they’re falling into a food coma, a certain idiot will—

“Y/N, don’t you have a midterm on Monday?” Ah, there it is. 

Jisung bends himself forward and drapes an arm over the leather seat, scrunching his nose at the sight of Minho sleeping soundly against your shoulder. He’s still bitter about the fact that Minho refuses to drive anyone other than you with his motorcycle for some reason. Exclusive things are always so annoying. 

You exhale deeply because Jisung reminds you of that one kid who always asks questions that stress the hell out of the teachers back in high school. Would it kill for him to just shut up once in a while? 

“I do, and I haven’t got a wink of sleep since yesterday afternoon,” you tell him rather lazily, shifting when Minho snuggles himself closer to you, his hair tickling your jawline. You pray he doesn’t know how fast your heart is beating. “A little alcohol might spare me a night of crying myself to sleep.” 

Jisung lets his bottom lip stuck out like he’s a fucking five-year-old not allowed to get his favorite ice-cream flavor. “Aww, you should have asked Minho for cuddles then, pretty sure he’d be more than happy to—,” he remarks sarcastically and you wish you could just throw him in the middle of an intersection. He’s lucky because Minho’s a heavy sleeper or he would have been knocked senseless or something. The last thing Chan needs is being forced to pull over for having wild animals wrestle the shit out of each other in his vehicle. 

“Hey, fuck off,” you snarl at him, knowing you should have chosen the passenger seat instead. That way, you wouldn’t be fuming inside because you can’t physically strangle Han Jisung to his imminent death. He has already tattooed that image into the back of your brain and you swear you’ve never heard a creepier chuckle from your friend. 

Jisung notices the coral tint on your cheeks and sneers, leaning back against his seat. “Yeah right, as if you’re actually gonna get drunk,” he says snarkily. “You’re just gonna be there to prevent Lee Minho from making bad decisions.” 

“I decided to come because Yeji wanted me-“

“Yeji who? In what world will you have time for her when you’re too busy staring at Minho like a total creep? Wanna bet ten bucks?” 

That’s bullshit because Lee Minho is already your entire world. 

Chan butts in, “Make that fifty.”

Changbin raises his hand, “I’d bet my Tesla.” Your friends really spelled out ‘a bunch of fucking clowns’ in bold, gigantic capital letters and you’re this close to facepalm yourself against Chan’s steering wheel. This is why you don’t go to parties with them that often because you’re stuck with cleanup duties with Seungmin until these crackheads grow out of their amateur drinking habits. 

“You’re just jealous because he would rather call you an Uber than give you a lift himself,” you say pointedly and Jisung lets out the loudest, most scandalous gasp. So dramatic. 

“You,” he jabs a finger at you, eyes wide in accusation. “Need a nap.”

You laugh dryly, ignoring the urge to snap a picture of his flabbergasted expression and turn it into a new meme for your group chat. “You don’t say, Han, you don’t say.”

And Changbin rolls his eyes over the moon, vividly picturing where this disastrous conversation is gonna go. Basically, he wants you to get shitfaced as soon as you step foot into BamBam’s house so he’ll have a sappy, drunk confession video to toss on Twitter tonight because Woojin just posted a picture of him with a drumstick dipped inside a glass of what looks like a watered-down Margarita. He’s highly concerned since there hasn’t been anything juicy on his feed other than his friends creeping people out with their questionable content. 

“If you two don’t end up getting drunk and kiss, I’m gonna be pissed,” Changbin says casually as if it’s just an afterthought. This prompts you to chuck your phone in his direction—you can care less about your screen protector at this point if it means stopping him from taunting you further. 

He asserts like a snake, “Hey, remember that time where you tripped over Kkami and totally crushed Minho under your weight?”

“I blame gravity for that.”

“But Albert Einstein said you can’t blame gravity for falling in love.”

“Who cares about Albert Einstein?!” you whisper-shout harshly, cautiously eyeing Minho’s sleeping figure. He scrunches his nose and murmurs something that you can’t quite hear before turning over to face you completely. His arms unexpectedly slip underneath yours like second nature. He furrows his eyebrows occasionally, other times he’d be grinning like an idiot and his lips are slightly agape, full eyelashes framing his eyes beautifully. Sometimes you wonder how weird his dreams are whenever you caught him talking (and cursing) in his slumber. 

Changbin wants to pry aloud when you start staring at Minho for too long; he might as well be tossed on the freeway at this point before exasperation squeezes the little amount of oxygen left out of his chest. This is worse than Hyunjin’s terrible rom coms. He props his head onto his hand in boredom as Chan pulls over and turns off the engine. “Hey we’re here, why not wake your prince up with a kiss—”

“I’m gonna kick your ass,” you threaten. 

Now there are two distasteful tattoos at the back of your head. And you will not hesitate for a heartbeat sacrificing the entirety of your bank account to get them removed. To get Lee Minho removed from your mind.

If only it were that easy.  

“Mhmm,” the figure beside you lets out a low grunt and hugs your arm closer instinctively. His warmth seeps through the fabric of your denim jacket and sets your heart on fire. You’re ready to flick his forehead any second now to interrupt his slumber but before you could even do anything, Seo Changbin aggressively opens the door and you widen your eyes in horror. Where the fuck did he get a megaphone? And what for?

“Bitch wake up! Those drinks aren’t gonna finish themselves!”

It’d be a miracle if you ended up finding him alive by dawn. 

five.

“Y/N you ass, give it back!

“No, we’ve only been here for three hours and this is your fifth cup already,” you tell her in a mildly serious tone before dumping her cup of whatever the fuck of a yellow substance that Ryujin gave her ten minutes ago into the sink. 

Yeji plops herself onto the sofa in the living room after you drag her out of the kitchen where people are making out on the marble counter. Glad to see nothing’s changed...idiots. “God, you’re such a party pooper, I shouldn’t have told you to come,” she complains in between small hiccups, alcohol tinting her cheeks beet red. 

“I’m here to save your ass and this is how you’re repaying me?” Your question didn’t come out as coherent and threatening as you imagined and every single cell inside your body is shaking for no specific reason. 

Your friend narrows her eyes down into a mere glare like a detective in those crimes shows that you spend way too much time on and you’re debating whether you should be laughing or pissing yourself. She fucking knows that you’re lying. She fucking knows the sole reason for you to be here. “Give me a break, it’s not like you’re doing anything besides staring at your boyfriend from afar,” Yeji scoffs dejectedly. 

“God forbids ‘Lee Minho’ and ‘my boyfriend’ go in the same sentence,” you grit, subconsciously averting your gaze around the living room to spot your roommate. All he’s been doing is being held back by Chan when he tried to murder Changbin once, catching up with his old friends from high school and hanging out with some of his classmates, ranting about how much he dreads Kim’s eight AM, gushing with Hyunjin over some senior’s choreography set. By the looks of it, Jisung must have handed him at least seven of those red party cups from the bar—thanks to BamBam who keeps restocking them every hour. 

Yeji chuckles creepily when the alcohol finally hits her hard, you think you just got chills by the way that she’s leaning closer. “Of course not,” she hiccups into your ear, words slurred, “Lee Minho’s not my boyfriend, he’s your boyfriend.” You look at her in the eye, and mentally regret your life choices. How insufferable. 

“I mean, seriously,” she slams her body back onto the couch and groans; you can’t tell if it’s out of frustration or the cushion is too soft for her back. “It’s like you’re living the life of the main protagonist in a Harry Styles fanfiction! Do you know how many girls and boys would kill to live in the same apartment as that?” Her index finger is pointed directly at the person you’ve been watching and avoiding all night, across the room with a dart in his hand as he stands in front of the dartboard. 

“Were you aiming for the board or were you plotting to kill me? Because I can’t tell! I-can’t-fucking-tell!” Changbin shouts over the music and you momentarily cringe at the crack in his voice; it’s never a college party without one of your friends riling each other up over the dumbest things. And also, who thinks it’s a good idea to lend an unstable Lee Minho a sharp object of any kind?

You look away as heat flares through your nostrils when Minho accidentally glances at you after laughing at some corny joke that Chan made. He’s more than mildly hammered right now, you suppose, because, well, Chan can only make people laugh when they’re exceptionally drunk. 

A stupid question then slips out of your lips. “With what?” It sounds like you only have one brain cell and are perpetually dumb. It makes you feel even dumber when there’s nothing but a can of Coke inside your body. 

“A hottie who dances, cooks, has a good sense of humor, lowkey a genius, highkey a tsundere, shares a name with a famous actor. Far more handsome than the actor himself, if I dare.” Yeji has no hesitation whatsoever naming every reason as to why people on campus shamelessly throw themselves at your roommate on a daily basis. And now your head grows ten times fuzzier, floating mundanely in the clouds above. Basically, you feel like you’re drunk—except your confidence isn’t sky high enough to do something stupid—which makes no absolute sense. 

The silver-haired girl next to you puts an arm around your neck and giggles, you’re highly perturbed that her vocal cords are gonna give in tomorrow when she convinces you through FaceTime that you should be extra careful with your notes since she won’t be showing up to class. “Oh! And he has three cats, right? Cat people are said to be more intuitive and thoughtful, that’s a bonus,” Yeji asserts and your jaw is on the floor at this rate. She doesn’t even spare him a second glance during lunch break and she already knows this much?

No wonder Minho never talked about his cats with Felix and Seungmin again.

“I bet you read that off a Buzzfeed article.” 

“Doesn’t necessarily mean it’s wrong!”

You inhale and exhale deeply, linking your fingers together, “Yeah, but that’s all people will ever see.”

“Well, what else can they like about him?”

“I don’t know,” you say bluntly, but the rouge on your cheeks is anything but ‘blunt’. “They don’t see how stuck-up he is, how he loves hogging the blanket all to himself, how he secretly stocks up a stash of trashy snacks. They don’t see the way his eyes sparkle when he looks into their eyes during a conversation because he’s actually a very attentive listener.”

Yeji pats your back without turning her head, slightly amused, “I think you meant how he looks into your eyes during a conversation.”

Your eyes scan the room one more time to find Minho hugging his stomach from laughing too much, there are actual tears in his eyes because Changbin just lost a bet and apparently he has to belly flop himself into the pool as a punishment. You haven’t seen him this happy in a while, even when he’s potentially dying from a really bad stomachache but it still puts your heart at ease knowing he’s having fun tonight. 

Needless to say, he always knocks the breath right out of your lungs without much effort. Even when he’s ditched the leather jacket and ripped jeans, you still think no one looks better than him in a large t-shirt and sweatpants. 

“But I don’t get it,” Yeji looks over at you this time, real carefully because your tone just grows firmer and more serious. “How can he just stand there, laugh...and look so beautiful?”

“I told you—”

“Yeah that’s exactly what I need to hear right now, Yeji,” you facepalm almost immediately, highly disappointed in yourself. 

Jisung’s getting his ten dollars on Monday when you surprise him with two slices of cheesecake from his favorite dessert place. Changbin can keep his Tesla and Chan...Chan isn’t getting anything.

You push yourself off the blue velvet couch and groan, you’re getting sore quickly because the cushions are far too soft. “Let me get some fresh air, I feel like I’m gonna to lose my mind,” you tell your friend but you doubt that she caught it since the music is all too loud for students to communicate properly. Maybe that’s one of the reasons why fistfights during parties are a thing. 

“Uhm, wait,” Yeji tugs onto your sleeve and jerks her head towards the direction of Minho. “I’m sorry but what the hell does your boyfriend want now?”

“Huh where—“

Like..three feet away. Or a whole lot closer. 

“Why didn’t you answer my texts?” And you find Minho standing in front of you with his arms crossed stubbornly, eyebrows knitted together and tinted pink cheeks. He looks a little pissed off, and you don’t think you’re both on the same page here. 

When you give him a ‘what do you mean’ look, your roommate feels the need to unlock his phone and jab his index finger against his poor crusty screen as he shows you at least fifty messages that he’s been spamming in the last half an hour. This reminds you of the yellow Post-It note that Minho violently smacked onto your fridge the very night when he first moved in. 

‘I hereby fucking declare that if we did end up going to the same party (doubt btw), we would keep our phones with us 25/8 so one can save the other’s ass from stupid decisions— lee minho’ he wrote. Minho knows all too well the only ass that needs to be saved is his. And you’ve thought about taking the note down several times but you don’t think you’d have the heart to. 

“Oh,” your head draws a blank canvas and you look for your phone in your pocket. But then, “I left my phone in Chan’s car.”

Minho rolls his eyes at you and decides that he’s too impatient to wait for Chan to sober up and remember where he left his keys. “Whatever,” he manages to crack a small smile, one that shines through the dimmed LED light on the ceiling and makes your heart stuck in your throat. “Let’s get out of here, I have something to tell you.” 

“Hey hey hey,” Yeji tries to get up from the couch but her limbs are too wobbly. “You can’t just tap out all of a sudden and steal her from me like that. Don’t even think for a minute you second rate—”

“Yeah, no, she’s mine.”

You’re downright baffled. But you’re not sure if it’s because of what he said ten seconds ago and your heart is going haywire, your brain cells are giving in on you or it’s because he’s tugging you by the wrist and piloting you through the impending chaos of sloppy college students. 

You’re not sure if you want to know. You’re not sure if you’re ready. 

six.

Fall arrives sooner than you thought and it almost makes you miss summer. Though you didn’t really have anything exciting besides an internship that refrained you from living on YouTube for too long. 

The evening is oddly cold, but you’ve never had a problem with the tips of your fingers growing chilly. It’s different tonight—it’s the kind of coldness that slips through your flesh and into your bones, coming in contact with the thumping force of your heart, causing it to shiver. There’s nothing to do but keep your gaze straight forward, your feet moving on their own with the one and only goal of heading home. Clouds with the murky color of wet ashes pass by, and the ground as its dank reflection—a reminder of how humanity is ruining the planet. 

The streets are so quiet and tranquil; you’re afraid that Minho might be able to hear your heartbeat. Now you’re pointing a finger at society in accusation because it’s the weekend yet no elder couples are taking their night strolls, no middle-aged ladies in fluffy jackets are walking their spoiled teacups dogs and no wasted college students are roaming the streets with ‘trouble’ spelled out on their forehead. Really, you’d rather stare at people in a creepy way and zone out than constantly thinking about Lee Minho when he’s right beside you. 

This is terribly suffocating and you don’t think if you can keep this up in the next thirty minutes until both of you get home and melt into the comfort of your bed. 

“Sober up, Mister Celebrity, that’s too much fun for tonight.” Minho winces slightly when you press a can of cold green tea against his cheeks as he’s about to doze off on the wooden bench next to the vending machine. While he’s taking a swig, you feel a silent obligation to take a seat but your eyes are determinedly fixed on the curb. 

The bench suddenly feels far too big and the night breeze is far too cold for Minho’s liking, so he shifts his body closer, fingers brushing over yours and sending electricity down your spine. “What do you mean?” he scoffs, finding it hard to not look at you so his gaze is temporarily glued onto the can of green tea in his palms. “Tonight was nothing compared to Jisung’s birthday.” He can still feel the remaining warmth from your hands, it makes him wonder how it’d feel to actually hold them. 

“Ugh, god,” you shake your head in disbelief, internally cringing. “Don’t even remind me.”

You still don’t know what Hyunjin fed him that day to the point he couldn’t remember what happened. All hell broke loose Felix posted a video of him pretending to be a stupid ostrich and trying to do a mating dance towards Jisung on Twitter. No one dares to talk about that scarred video since. Now that he’s reminded you of it, you wish you didn’t own brain cells in the first place. This is why the internet is scary. 

“What is it that you wanted to tell me anyway?” 

Minho stops for a second at your question and places his beverage down on the bench. He stares distantly at the space ahead as if he’s fighting with himself inside his own head, seriously contemplating something. It’s come to your attention that this isn’t very like his usual self. Minho never hesitates for a second when he has something in mind. Even when he knows that you might rip his head off.

He exhales deeply, turns his head, and makes direct eye contact with you for what seems like an eternity. His eyes are as wide open and honest as a child’s, they possess something so much more the longer you stare at them. A warmth, safety. Your heart is gonna combust if he doesn’t get this over with soon. 

Then, “I think I forgot to put yeast in the batter.” Wait what?

“Minho!” you punch his arm, earning a low grunt from the blond-haired boy. “Don’t fucking scare me like that!” He’s looking at you as though your eyes are turning red with rage and smoke is coming out of your ears, scared for his own life but truthfully, you’re just relieved. Surprisingly. 

“Wait, so you’re not mad?” he asks you with a wide-eyed expression, trying way too hard to keep a straight face. “Aren’t we supposed to bring homemade bread for the get together at the nursing home tomorrow?”

“Old people still enjoy Bingo for some reason, they can have that instead of bread.” His mouth forms a small ‘o’ as he scoots closer to you and you can tell that he reeks off alcohol, which is making you a little dizzy. When your gaze falls elsewhere but Lee Minho, you attempt to appear casual, “But if you wanna bake so badly, I can still pull an all-nighter and start over with you.” That was doable, but you could have done better—should have sounded like you didn’t really care. 

Minho flings his bangs away from his face and tosses his head back, chuckling breathlessly. “Don’t you have a midterm to stress over instead of me? I don’t want you to pick out every single strand of hair on your head after baking with me.” He finally said something nice once in a while, you sorta appreciate it. “It’d be embarrassing when my parents FaceTime me and see you as bald as my great grandfather.” Nevermind, he’s still the same old jerk. 

“You don’t have to be embarrassed, you’ll be moving out in two weeks, either way, right?” Your tone sounds sad and grim all of a sudden; it really dampens the atmosphere because Minho is now looking at you with concern laced in his brown eyes. “Look, I get that it’s bothersome to be my roommate so there’s no need to feel bad. I’ll be fine going back to my old life where my feet don’t get cold in the middle of the night because no one would be there to hog the blanket anymore.”

Minho feels the need to clear things up here. “I never said anything about moving out,” he grabs you by the shoulders and hopes you could just look at him when he’s being serious for once. “Y/N, who even said anything about moving out? Was it the landlord?”

“No,“ you say, still not willing to face him directly. You’re such a coward. 

“If so, why would I move out? Did I do something wrong? Did I piss you off or something?”

You’re trying so hard not to snap at this point. “No!”

“Then why can’t you just fucking look at me?!”

“You’re still drunk, let me buy you another—“

Minho shakes you forcefully, hoping to knock some common sense into that brain of yours. “For fuck’s sake, I’m not drunk!” he cries helplessly, not caring about the fact that he’s waking up every cat possible in the neighborhood. “Just- just look at me, will you?”

You stubbornly keep your eyes anywhere but him. “Why would I look at your stupid face?”

“Don’t bullshit me, Y/N. You’re not usually like this.”

Every single cell inside your body quivers simultaneously when he says so—good god, no, he’s testing you. Minho knows something’s off. Now to think about it again, you’d rather let him dirty your carpet than being put on trial like this.

“You wanna know why I’m acting like this? It’s because of you! You’re making me nervous! It’s your fault for making me feel this way!”

“What?” he blurts, eyes blinking numerous times in disbelief. “What did I ever do to you?”

“God, Minho, you can’t possibly be this dense. Tell me, that you’ve never, not even once, seen me turning beet red when you simply look at me in the eye. Or when you’re just sitting there, laughing your ass off about something stupid. It makes my heart flutter, okay? You make my heart flutter. Do you know how much of an effect you can have on me? You don’t go around juggling with others’ feelings like that,” your voice grows smaller and smaller towards the end until there’s nothing but an oddly comfortable silene floating midair. A sense of relief washes over you; you unknowingly exhale.

Minho stares at you in awe for a moment there, until he also speaks up for himself. “Maybe you should take your own advice,” he almost snickers, and this causes you to peel your gaze away from a random bush to gawk at his response. “You’re telling me to not go around juggling with others’ feelings? If anything, you’re the one who keeps messing with my heart. What am I supposed to do? Not get drunk so that I won’t be able to get away for doing dumb things?”

“What dumb things?”

“I don’t know, kiss you?”

“Fuck, you can’t get away with it this time now, can you?”

You’re already regretting this and there’s no turning back. Because when Minho subconsciously runs his tongue over his bottom lips, you’re already fighting the rouge spreading on your cheekbones. He shortens the distance between your heads until your lips are practically a breath away from his. Impatient, you grab a fistful of his shirt to smash your lips against his. Minho stays frozen for a nanosecond, taken aback by your boldness before pulling you closer by the waist. You’re hesitant at first, but he guides you through it, telling you that it’s okay by embracing you more tightly. Dear god, Minho’s kissing you and the world just falls away. It’s slow, comforting in ways that words can never be. He slackens his jaw to deepen the kiss, smiling into it when giddiness bubbles up inside his stomach. 

The world still feels like it’s spinning when he parts away, an alcoholic taste mixed with the green tea ghosts your lips, and your face grows ten times hotter. Even in this cracked darkness, Minho sees you blush hard and is fully aware that his cheeks are mirroring yours—he doesn’t even bother to convince himself that it’s from the alcohol, because it isn’t. 

“Why aren’t you saying anything?” Minho questions though his breath is still a bit shaky from the kiss. He really didn’t lie when he said that he could never stop bothering you. 

You can’t help but smile at him brightly; this causes his heartbeat to spike inside his chest. “Well, do I have to?” He shakes his head and stares down at your hands until he musters up every strand of courage left to finally intertwine them with his own. Fits like a glove. 

“Come on, let’s go home,” he tells you softly, eyes crinkling into a pretty crescent moon shape. But you stop him right there when he attempts to stand up and wordlessly lean your forehead against his. Minho understands that you simply need a moment so you both hover right there, simply melting into each other’s touch. But what you say next just makes the ignited passion inside his heart flare-up. He’s at a loss for words, utterly speechless. 

“I am home.”

“Welcome home then, Y/N,” Minho whispers.

Everything feels like a dream that you’d never want to wake up from. His hands are clasped on either side of your face, resting just below the lobes of your ears. His thumbs gently caress your cheeks so that you won’t drift away, your breaths mingling. Never before has your own name made your heart flutter. But you guess it’s only because Minho said it. You do know that it’s not an afterthought, nor out of impulse. It’s a promise, for whatever’s coming your way on this path, he’s never gonna leave you behind. And the moment he feels that thing beating inside his chest is in sync with yours, he slowly leans in again.

Albert Einstein once said you can’t blame gravity for falling in love. And you have every right to argue with him in the afterlife because you’ve confirmed that Minho is your gravity. Gravity keeps you grounded, always get a hold of you so that you won’t ever have to wander off too far away. It’s there for you but it doesn’t have to act like it cares. Minho’s kinda like that too—he picked you up every time you said you’re good walking home, he only stocked up the stash of candies to secretly feed your midnight cravings. They only differ so much where his heartbeat for you is loud, undaunted and he loves you fearlessly; nothing shall meddle with his feelings for you as long as the way your eyes light up when they meet his doesn’t change. 

Before you met Minho, you didn’t know that it was possible to just look at someone and smile for no reason. The way his lips curl up when he smiles, his sarcastic remarks, his kindhearted nature though he’s awfully good at hiding it. That’s what people do when they’re in love, they say—to fawn over the littlest things but they’re what makes you fall so hard for him. But as time passes by, you’ve learned that it’s actually quite nice to be in love with someone. Because then, you get to spend your time and effort on their happiness as well, not just your own. In exchange, that person is capable of bringing colors to your dull world, tearing down your walls, and showing you just how beautiful life can be. Surely, Minho might not stay by your side forever in this crazy game of Monopoly but you’d risk it all for him even if the sky comes crashing and the universe turns upside down. 

After all, you can’t love alone. 

[solesurvivorpaigeargot]

I wanna hearing about Paige's family with #5.

Super detailed questions about your OCs

5. Do they have any siblings? What’s their names? What is their relationship with them? Has their relationship changed since they were kids to adults?

HOO BOI my friend, you have volunteered for an infodump. I’m putting in a read-more cut to prevent dash clogging.

Paige was the second-to-last child out of five, with three brothers and one sister. 

Isabelle [Bella, Belle] -- the eldest, Paige’s sister and seven years older than her. Basically ended up as built-in babysitter/second mom. Paige calls her Izzy and is the only one who is allowed to call her that [anyone else will get whacked, including Bella’s husband]. Their relationship when Paige was a kiddo was pretty strained; Paige grew up running wild with her brothers whilst Isabelle, the eldest daughter of a very conservative and publicly religious family, was constantly being watched and judged on how responsible she was and how well she was growing into a ‘lady’ as she was expected to do. Meanwhile Paige, as the younger daughter and surrounded by boys, was excused for more wild behavior and often given a flavor of the ‘boys will be boys’ pass when she got into trouble until she hit puberty and suddenly got whacked in the face with more feminine expectations. 

Somewhere in Paige’s early teens, she and Izzy had it out in an honest to goodness, full-on fight, wherein Izzy accused Paige of being a spoiled brat who was incapable of understanding just how hard it was to hold up under everyone’s expectations, and Paige threw it right back by calling those expectations petty bullshit and questioning why Izzy didn’t just toss it all out if she hated being a lady. The two grew apart after that, maintaining some sisterly affection but mostly not getting in each other’s way. Izzy taught Paige how to look after her hair when she started growing it out, taught her how to do make-up, gave her advice on clothes and shoes for interviews, that sort of thing. 

They both ultimately stayed at arm’s length until Shaun was born, at which point Izzy had reached out to try and reconnect. She and her husband had been living in Pennsylvania when the bombs fell. Izzy’s family was well off enough that they might have gotten a spot in a vault, but Paige hadn’t been keeping up with them enough to know whether or not they’d registered...

Ethan -- eldest brother, five years older than Paige, she always looked up to him as her cool older brother. He and his friends had a garage band when he was a teen, but he gave it up when their parents put pressure on him to start figuring out something ‘real’ to do with his life. Music became a beloved hobby, noodling about on his guitar when he could get away with it, but never when their father was home, as he’d threatened to smash it on more than one occasion. 

Like Isabelle, Ethan was often leaned upon to be more adult than he actually was, looking after his younger siblings but with a touch more wiggle room. Where Isabelle was very much considered the one with full parental authority, and thus expected to enforce the rules to their fullest extent, Ethan allowed Paige, Daniel, and Zach to get away with the occasional mischief with a wink and a smile that assured them he didn’t see anything. 

Besides music, Ethan also had a gift of gab that made him excellent at talking himself and his siblings out of any trouble-- something he and Paige shared, and the two would get into deep arguments over tiny things as a kind of sport. At school a teacher encouraged him towards debate club and theater, and he participated in multiple school productions before, again, their parents reminded him that artistic careers were more fantasy than anything to build your life around. Instead, they pushed him towards law, which he fucking hated but attempted to make them happy.

He dropped out after his first year of college, arriving at home with black dyed hair, two tattoos and three piercings he hadn’t had when he left for school, giving their parents the finger, and all but disappearing when Paige was fourteen. Nineteen years old, he was technically an adult, his their parents couldn’t drag him back. Dad doesn’t talk about Ethan, and mom would cry when he was mentioned. Paige worried he died chasing a dream for the longest time, until she left for law school and started getting postcards-- turned out Ethan was still in contact with Izzy, and had embraced his musical career [and all the hardship that came with it] with everything he had. 

Last Paige heard, Ethan had been somewhere on the western seaboard when the bombs fell. She finds it unlikely that he, or any descendants of him, survived... though, if he went ghoul, she wouldn’t be surprised if he was still living the traveling musician life two centuries later. 

Daniel [Danny] -- middle brother, two years older than Paige, and oldest of the trouble trio. Daniel, Paige, and Zach were always the three making messes together as young kids, running wild, exploring the backwoods on the family farm, finding fun and odd ways to get chores done, and generally being kids. Danny was the tough one out of the three of them; easily the biggest out of all of Paige’s siblings and the one who got in people’s faces if anyone was messing with anyone else in the family. 

Danny and Paige frequently butted heads; they were both stubborn as hell and outspoken, and before Paige was expected to be more lady-like it very regularly came to blows. It’s thanks to Danny that Paige knew how to squirm out of most holds by the time she was an adult, even if the other person was larger than her, and exactly which soft spots to shove her elbows or heels into. This tendency towards brawling changed as they got older, however, as Danny realized that Paige was going to be a petite woman her entire life and went out of his way to teach her some honest-to-goodness self-defense tactics after hearing a few of his friends say a few... off color things about his sister. 

Danny stayed in Minnesota to attend a trade school, finding work in the automation industry; installing and maintaining machines used for mass manufacture. He married almost immediately out of highschool, and the timing of his first kid suggests that his wife was pregnant before the wedding. Paige kept in contact with him, and Danny actually made the trip out to visit her when Shaun was born. While Paige suspects that he’s dead, unless of course he ended up ghoul, she has occasionally speculated that if Danny and his family survived the initial bombing? He had practical skills that might have seen him through long enough to have descendants that survived to the present day.  Zachariah [Zach] -- the youngest, a year younger than Paige and her childhood partner in crime. Zach, like Paige, was kinda on the small side. Unlike Paige, Zach was also intensely shy in a family full of outspoken, opinionated, stubborn mules. It wasn’t that he didn’t have opinions, mind-- rather that he had a lot of trouble putting the words together to express them. Zach would often stick with Paige like her second shadow, because Paige was very good at picking up on what he meant to say to others and saying it for him, or re-iterating when he spoke too quietly and he got ignored. 

That said, Zach was often the mastermind behind what he, Paige, and Danny got up to as little kids-- quiet, but quick witted, and a grade-A prankster. 

As adolescents, Zach and Paige were occasionally confused for being twins despite there being a year difference between them. Their faces were strikingly similar, with Zach having deeply brown eyes rather than Paige’s hazel being the main difference. Sometimes their mischief would play into this, and Paige was allowed to get away with many things as a young teen simply by virtue of being mistaken for her brother. 

When Ethan ran out on the family, Zach was probably the one most deeply effected by it, and Paige did everything she could to support him at the time. They both looked up to Ethan, but Zach even more so because he was also musically inclined and had been learning the drums from one of Ethan’s friends. Sometimes the band even let him do some kind of back-up percussion when they were practicing before their father shut it down, and it was during those practice sessions that Zach tended to really light up. When Ethan left? Zach fell deeply into depression for a long time, and Paige felt like it was her responsibility to hold him up lest she lose another brother. 

Despite being the often-overlooked child in the family, Zach had damn near perfect grades... and yet, their parents appeared to lack specific expectation for him. Rather, the had a vague assurance that he’d simply do well at whatever he decided to do, and Zach confided in Paige that he had no idea what to do with his scholastic success-- that it didn’t feel real to him. That he wasn’t a person, but rather a mass of goo that could just be poured into whatever shape worked best for the people around him. 

Paige still regrets not having any good advice for him. Last she heard, he’d gone to school to pursue an engineering degree, like their father; imitating a ready example. She suspects that he might have gone after something musical, if not for what happened with Ethan, and that his choice paralysis was a form of avoiding even thinking about that kind of rebellion. Like Danny, Zach’s schooling didn’t take him far from the family home, and he still lived in Minnesota at the time of the bombing. He was, at the time, unmarried. Given time to think further on it, Paige actually suspects that Zach might have been some form of closeted due to still being close to the family and their parents intense involvement with the church. Thinking about that always makes her wish she’d been there for him more, that she’d been smarter and figured out what he’d been dealing with and helped him handle it better. 

Like everyone else, Paige is pretty sure Zach is dead... and he’s probably the one she’s mourns the most, because it feels like he never really got to live in the first place. 

[jinmukangwrites]

Vulnerable

Batfamweek2020 Day 6 / Fluff / @official-batfam-week​

Summary: Jason finds a little intruder in one of his safe houses. He tries to convince himself he doesn’t care until he finds out he really, really cares. 

Yeah I know this is two days late. Listen, time is relative and the week isn’t over until I say it’s over. Also yes, the prompt is fluff and this seems to be mostly angst, but there’s cuddles at the end which is about as fluffy as you guys can get out of me.

AO3

-o-o-o-o-

When Jason entered his safe house, he honestly wasn’t expecting anything to be amiss or out of place, yet here he is, walking up to the run down apartment squished between some Chinese takeout shop and a weird voodoo shop just to see the front door slightly ajar.

On instant high alert, Jason grabs at the gun on his hip and considers digging out a domino mask to hide his identity. He’s in street clothes, a civilian if you will. He’s just gotten back from grocery shopping to fill up his various houses with a resupply of food storage. He’s not really in the mood to fight anyone, and for all he knows whoever is inside his safe house could just be a squatter.

Though, no typical squatter can bypass his security measures. Whoever is here is competent enough to discharge his surplus of alarms and boobytraps.

And besides, whoever went through the trouble of breaking and entering into his safe house wouldn’t be there for Red Hood. They’re here for Jason.

He slowly places his bags of canned goods and such onto the ground and pulls his gun out so it’s held out in front of him. He stalks towards the door and takes a calming breath, not wanting to think about who could possibly be in there but also thinking of the worst case scenario.

Maybe just a smart squatter. Could be the Joker. Maybe Bruce. Jason doesn’t if Bruce falls in the good or bad category, but Jason swears to god if he barges in there and it’s just that stupid bastard Jason will categorize him as the absolute worst and might just shoot the jerk-face anyway.

Jason kicks the door open hard enough to make it’s hinges squeal in protest. His gaze instantly locks on a figure sitting on his moth eaten sofa he placed in front of a display TV that he took from the local Walmart.

What? It was “broken” and they were going to throw it away even though he could easily fix it. No harm no foul.

The figure on his sofa looks up from a phone in their hands with a glare, and Jason lowers his gun with a scoff and returns the narrowed eyes with his own.

“What the heck are you doing here, tater-tot?” He demands.

“Tt,” Damian rolls his eyes and returns to his phone, Jason leans his head forward a little to see what the brat is doing on it and it looks to be... that Animal Crossing app. Huh. “It’s none of your business, Todd.”

Jason scoffs, putting his gun back in his holster. “This is my safe house, to which the door you left open. It’s every ounce of my business.”

“Fine,” Damian snarls, standing up abruptly and shoving his phone inside his jacket pocket. “I’ll leave then.”

Jason has to fight to not make any of his utter bafflement physical as he makes a grab for the kid’s arm before he can retreat through the door. “Oh no you don’t. You’re not leaving until I get a straight answer out of ya-“

Damian jerks his arm violently and Jason just manages to keep a grasp on him. “Unhand me, you imbecile!”

“Ah, nah,” Jason retorts, grabbing his other arm as Damian goes to throw a punch. Damian squirms and Jason fights off a sigh as he has to kneel down and hold the brat in an almost white knuckled grasp so he doesn’t escape. He really hopes no one steals his groceries while it’s just sitting out there ripe for the taking. “You broke into my house, you can leave and go throw a tantrum somewhere else after this, I could seriously care less, but if I have to tie you to a chair and play Justin Bieber until you talk I will.”

Damian shoots Jason a look of pure loathing before he glares at his shoes, no longer struggling but still looking like he’ll dart for the nearest exit the moment Jason lowers his guard. “It’s nothing. I shouldn’t have come here. Let me go.” A second. Then a small: “Please.”

“Okay,” Jason says, and if he didn’t have both his hands keeping Damian still, he would be rubbing the bridge of his nose. Where’s the golden boy when you need him? “Okay, something is clearly up with you. What’s up? Did Titus poo on your bed? Break an expensive pot? Accidentally kill someone-?”

“I don’t kill,” Damian snarls suddenly, and the ferocity of the statement has Jason blinking in shock. Damian is refusing to look up now, eyes blinking quicker than normal. “I don’t. Not anymore. I don’t.”

Jason narrows his eyes and gets down on his knees to become level with the little midget. “Kid. Talk to me. What’s going on?”

Damian sniffs, uses his shoulders to rub at his eyes, and there’s a suspicious glint in his green irises that has Jason suddenly feel a rush of panic. Oh heck nah. This is Goldilocks’ problem. Jason should have just let the kid go. Yeah, he asked what was bothering him but the last thing he expected were tears. However, Damian looks just as shocked with himself as Jason is and quickly bites his lip.

“Can I stay the night?” Damian asks suddenly, throwing another red flag up in Jason’s mind. Whatever is going on, Damian doesn’t want to go home where his daddy-dearest and perfect oldest brother are probably waiting for him in a panic. He know’s Dickhead is in town. He posted a picture of Alfred the Cat on his Instagram just a few hours ago, saying it felt good to be home.

Jason is almost tempted to grab the brat and stuff him a duffel, lock the zippers with a cable tie and drop him at the front gates for Alfred to find, just so he doesn’t have to deal with this, but then he studies the kid for a moment, seeing a vulnerability in him that he can’t say he’s ever seen before. He sighs.

“Fine. Don’t explain. Go to the couch and play your cute game thing. I’ll be back.”

Damian gives him an unimpressed glare. “It’s not a cute game.”

“I know what Animal Crossing is, sweetie-pie,” Jason says back, ruffling the younger’s hair and biting back a chuckle that tries to escape his throat as Damian tries to whack at his hand. “It’s a cute game.”

Jason watches Damian retreat back to the sofa, but this time the brat puts in some earbuds and curls up between the arm and the back of the couch, bringing his knees to his chest and his hoodie over his head. Jason has to gather all his will power to not roll his eyes as he stands up and goes out to grab his—thankfully untouched—groceries.

He walks in and begins to take everything out of the bags. He watches Damian out of the corner of his eyes as he does so, but the brat doesn’t move. Just flicks his finger over the screen, perhaps trying to catch a fish or something. He doesn’t dwell on it though, thinking about the tears that had threatened to fall a moment ago. They could have been a trick, a way for Damian to get Jason off his back because it would undoubtedly make Jason too uncomfortable to push more, but at the same time he knows Damian is awful at fake crying. He has a lot of pride stuffed in that little body.

He shakes his head and begins to sort the cans for storage, leaving a few out for dinner he guesses. He was planning on just going to the Batburger—because the Chinese restaurant next door gave him a night in the bathroom to remember the last time he ate there—and grabbing something filled with carbs, but now that the little bat-brat is here that’s sort of thrown out the window. He’s still hungry though.

Lets see, he has a can of sloppy joe, some buns in the pantry that are hopefully not moldy yet, and some mixed vegetables. Easy.

He begins to pull out various pots and pans to begin the last second dinner. It doesn’t take long for the meat to start sizzling while the vegetables just barely begin to warm. He sets a pan lid over the meat and lets it simmer as he goes to grab the buns and some American cheese slices. He eyes Damian as he does so, noting how the kid hasn’t moved since Jason had told him he could stay.

Whatever. It’s not his problem. He’s not worried about the tyke at all...

When everything is finally heated and warm it suddenly occurs to him that Dick has mentioned here and there that Damian was actually vegetarian. Jason curses and opens the fridge, looking for anything that’s leafy and green. Thankfully, he manages to scrape together a sad amount of green lettuce and half a tomato. He sniffs a bottle of ranch and looks at it’s expiration date and wrinkles his nose. He’ll let Damian choose if he wants ranch or not. He grabs two plastic plates and places his own Joe with cheese down on one plate and scoops out a helping of corn, peas, and carrots while he makes a terribly depressed salad on the other. He sighs and adds double the helping of vegetables onto Damain’s plate. If only he had shredded cheese or croutons or even garbanzo beans...

He plops himself down next to the kid and clears his throat, placing Damian’s sad sad meal down on the coffee table with his bottle of devious ranch and then digs into his sloppy joe, grabbing a remote to turn on the TV to something probably boring and dumb.

He watches as Damian wrinkles his nose slightly at his meal, and Jason almost prepares himself to snap that he did his best, but Damian surprises him and takes the plate into his lap. He takes out his earbuds and clicks his phone off, shifting so he can see the TV better.

Thankfully Jason manages to find a channel that’s replaying Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire so the silence between the two of them isn’t as awkward as it could be. Damian picks at his browning salad and makes a move to communicate.

They watch the movie in silence, and Jason finds himself not being able to actually concentrate as his mind keeps wondering what could be up with Damian.

-o-o-o-o-

“Alrighty,” Jason says, clapping his hands together as the movie credits begin to roll. “Goodnight.”

Damian doesn’t say anything as Jason gets up and gathers the paper plates to throw them away. Jason is determined to just go to bed and not deal with any of this in the morning. Sure, he should go out as Hood and take down some gangs, but Damian doesn’t appear to have his costume—let alone a change of clothes—with him and there’s no way Jason is leaving him here alone.

He should just call Dick. Call him and he’d gladly drop everything he’s doing to take the kid away. However, he can’t help but feel a sense of unity when he notices Damain’s phone ding with a little text notification and Damian quickly sliding it away, not even reading it.

Besides, Jason said he could stay the night. What kind of person would he be if he couldn’t make good on his word? He’s an ex-killer not a complete jackass.

He retreats to his room, releasing a sigh and shutting the door. It’s a small house, nothing but a living room, kitchen, master bedroom, and bathroom. Damian will have to sleep on the couch because there’s no way Jason is letting him take his bed. He takes off his shirt and changes into a pair of looser fitting pants as he crawls into the rickety old bed that was discounted at IKEA because someone broke some pieces. The blankets he slips into are thin but many. Well, three. It’s decent enough, he can survive most cold nights with the warmth three thin, threadbare blankets could scrap up.

He closes his eyes, thinking about nothing other than sleep.

He wonders if he has a blanket out there for-

Woah wait. Hold up. Nooope. Go to bed Jason. Go to bed...

Sleep...

It’s a colder night and the living room gets colder than the bedroom...

But it’s warm in his blankets so he won’t worry about it... sleep... sleep sleep sleep...

He peeks his eye open and looks at his phone sitting on the mattress beside his head.

Not even fifteen minutes has passed. He growls and forces his eyes closed, curling his knees so they’re almost touching his chest. Did he lock the door? He’s pretty sure he locked the door. Though, if he didn’t that would mean someone could barge in and the first thing they’d see was a small kid in his day clothes shivering in the cold of the living room with no pillow.

No, he definitely locked the door. He definitely locked it just like how he definitely doesn’t care if a certain demon brat is crashing on his couch in day old clothes with no pillow or blanket.

He opens his eyes, looks at how only a minute has passed and silently curses to himself.

Shit.

He cares.

He throws the blankets off from his body and slips off the side of his bed to his feet. He looks around his room and grabs at one out of two pillows he was using and then tears off one out of three blankets and stomps towards his door, just to stop and growl as he turns around and finds the smallest shirt and sweats he could find.

He barges into the living room and Damian practically jumps from his curled up position on the couch. Jason ignores the subject of his lack of sleep as he goes to the door, grabs the handle, and giggles it to make sure it’s locked.

It’s locked.

He turns heel and Damian is watching him as if he’s grown a second head. Jason ignores the stare and dumps the pile of fabric in his arms onto the kid. Damian squawks but Jason ignores that and storms back to his room, trying to ignore the goosebumps on his arms and chest from the cold of the room and how he’s making a thirteen year old kid sleep out here and- NOPE! He’s not worried about it. He gave him a blanket and pillow and even some of his own clothes. Damian will survive and Jason will sleep.

He hits his pillow, trying not to mourn the girth he’s lost beneath his head because he’s too nice of a guy sometimes, and curls up in his two blankets, fighting off the threat of shivers from going out into the chilly air. He eventually warms up, just like actual sleep begins to lure him, and soon he’s not thinking about much of anything...

...

Was that a sniffle?

His eyes creek open against his will. Time has felt like it moved, and when he glares at his phone to see two hours has passed he curses the gods for making this night as difficult as possible. He’s about to close his eyes again when the something that woke him up that he had almost forgot about sounds again.

A sniff. From the other side of the door. It sounds wet, like it belongs to a runny nose and his eyebrows come together. Yeah it’s cold out in the living room but not that cold. He closes his eyes, blaming dramatics, when the sniffle sounds again, but with something else this time that has Jason practically jumping out of his bed like he’s been electrocuted.

A whimper. That was a whimper.

He creeps towards the door, something heavy in his gut, and places his ear on the thin wood.

He can hear it all clearly now. The sniffles, the tiny choked off whimpers of someone trying to not make too much noise, the panting breaths.

Crying. Someone’s crying on the other side of his door and it’s two in the morning and Jason is all of a sudden thinking about the ignored texts, the silent acceptance of not even sub-par food, the cute distracting animal game, the caught in the headlights look when Jason stormed out earlier, the almost desperate way he asked to crash the night here, the angry outburst the he’s not a killer.

Jason doesn’t care. He doesn’t. This is Dick’s job. Not Jason. Jason is the family black sheep who people avoid unless they want something, and Jason avoids them right back. Dick is the big, caring, older brother while Jason is the distant outcast. Jason doesn’t care if Damian is in his living room crying. He really, truly, awfully, lyingly doesn’t care.

Shit.

He cares.

crying opens his door slowly and the sniffling and whimpering instantly cuts off. The door swings slowly open and Jason is left standing in his doorway watching as Damian wipes furiously at his eyes and glares at the opposite side of the room, curling up and biting his lower lip to perhaps stop it from trembling.

“What do you want, Todd,” Damian snarls, but his voice tremors and Jason has to fight down the panic threatening to escape his throat because he has no clue what to do. Here’s some kid who’s legally his youngest brother who’s swimming in his too big clothes with tear tracks down his cheeks and Jason cannot think of a single thing to do.

What would Dick do? Dick would smile and probably gather the kid up in a hug and say everything will be okay and other soppy comforting crap. Jason runs the scenario out in his head, imagines him trying to approach the kid with open arms to give him a hug. Strangely enough, while he can easily imagine Dick and Damian ending up cuddling or whatever, Jason can only see himself writhing on the floor with a knife between his ribs.

So, the Dick-protocol is out. Jason needs to do something else, and quick.

He grinds his jaw and forces himself to leave the safety of the room. Damian watches him warily as he slowly sits up and backs up to the corner of the sofa, furthest from where Jason is approaching from. Jason gives the kid a side eyed glance before he grabs at the remote and turns on the TV.

Jason isn’t the best with cuddles or comfort, but the least he can do is sit it out and let Damian decide what the next step is, even if Jason has to sit here shirtless in the chilly living room with the TV turned low on some Spanish soap channel for the rest of the night.

Somehow, Damian doesn’t fight that. He just wipes his eyes again, getting rid of most evidence of tear tracks, and then settles into his corner, stubbornly watching the TV.

Forty minutes into the soap marathon, right when someone is revealed to not be the father—gasp—something finally happens.

Damian speaks.

“Do you regret it?” Says a small voice in a whisper. Jason turns his head and he almost has to squint his eyes to make sure he’s seeing things correctly. Damian is valiantly avoiding his gaze, staring straight at the TV. His hands are nervously pulling at the strings of his borrowed sweatpants though, which is a sight Jason never thought he’d see.

“Regret what?” He questions.

Damian worries his lip for a second and something shiny swims in his eyes. Jason remains silent until Damian finally speaks. “Killing those people.”

Finally, Damian looks at Jason and he looks so vulnerable and scared and Jason is pretty sure this is all just some sort of fever dream because what the hell. His brain short circuits and restarts as he tries to gather his thoughts, but suddenly all his thoughts are nothing more than green anger as he hacks through the necks of drug dealers and stuffs heads in duffel bags. Thoughts lined with lividity as he shoots at rapists and murderers and gets blood splattered on his red mask. Thoughts of holding the Joker against his chest, pressing the point of his gun against the psychopaths temple and screaming a choice at Bruce.

The Joker, or him.

He absentmindedly reaches for the scar on his neck; it’s a unique one for the fact it’s not one that he gained in death nor in his autopsy. It’s thin and precise and did just enough damage for Jason to accidentally let go of the Joker and grab at the sharp batarang sticking out from his neck, blood already leaking through his fingers. Proof that Bruce would rather slice his neck than let a mindless murderer continue to breathe. A permanent reminder that Jason isn’t as important as some no-kill-rule. A warning he should never attempt something like that ever again.

He’s been doing better. He hasn’t killed anyone since... since forever. His bullets are not ones made to kill. His aims are not lethal. When he shoots he shoots because he has to, and he’s been forcing himself to use his fists first.

Does he regret it? Does he regret getting so angry and hurt and confused that he killed dozens of people just to get Black Mask angry so he could get to Joker and therefore Batman? Does he regret the blood on his hands? The hours clutching his chest in the shower after the first life he took, scrubbing at his skin so it’s red and raw, repeating over and over and over to himself that this will all be worth it. The days avoiding the freezer where he stored the severed heads until he had all of them because he was afraid he’d puke? The months convincing himself that beating his replacement senseless would be worth it?

Does he regret it?

He clutches the material of his pants with one hand and rubs the length of his scar with his other, taking a deep breath.

“No.”

Damian’s eyes widen slightly in shock, and Jason realizes he was expecting a different answer. He clears his throat, fights the urge to hug himself like he’s raw and vulnerable. An animal on display.

“I don’t regret killing those people. But if I was sent back in time and given the option to redo everything... I wouldn’t have done it.”

“I don’t understand,” Damian says and Jason releases a bitter chuckle.

“I’m a different person now, and back then killing those people I felt was the only thing I could do. I used to... sit and wonder about what I could have done differently, what I could have changed, but I decided it isn’t worth it. I killed those people in cold blood, and if I regret it now then I won't be able to move on. So no, I don’t regret it.”

“Oh.”

There’s a moment of silence and Jason sighs. “Look, I enjoy talking about my past as much as the next guy, but why do you bring it up?“

Damian bites his lip again, and Jason almost worries that sooner or later he’s going to draw blood with his sharp canines, but Damian brings his legs to his chest and stars absentmindedly at the TV as some chick slaps another chick for whatever reason.

“I regret them,” Damian whispers, and Jason decides now would be a wise time to remain silent. “I killed people because my mother and grandfather said it was my birthright too. I was superior and they were worthless. I never... thought anything of it. Until now.” He takes a shaky breath and continues, rubbing his eye with his shoulder. “I promised Grayson I would never kill again, and I’ve always intended to keep that promise for myself if not for him. B-but father doesn’t trust me all the time and it’s hard t-to think that I’m ever going to live up to that promise when he’s constantly telling me how I could have slipped up or how I could have killed... killed somebody a-and it’s been three years since- and why doesn’t he trust me? Why does he always think I’m... I’m gonna...”

He breaks off into a painful sounding sob and Jason watches wide eyed, completely at a loss of what to do. He sits there and watches as Damian explains through sobs that someone died yesterday, a criminal he was chasing. The man accidentally slipped off the docks into the freezing, churning, unforgiving water of Gotham Bay and drowned before Robin could safely get down to him. Batman arrived just as Robin pulled his dead body back onto the docks. Batman tried to resuscitate him, but with no luck.

Robin was benched, blamed for his death, and Nightwing didn’t take his side.

Bruce said he could have reacted faster. Dick chose to try and stay in the middle but ended up just getting Bruce mad at both of them and Damian feeling betrayed.

It’s no wonder Damian ran out and was ignoring every text message sent his way. He feels like his whole world has turned against him. Jason is almost tempted to let the kid stay more than the night.

Somehow, Jason’s managed to scoot closer to the crying kid, and somehow, Damian’s ended up under his arms. Leaning against his chest, crying and letting the warm tears run down his cheeks and against Jason’s skin. It feels personal. It feels open. It feels secret and sacred.

Jason clutches the kid closer, and he doesn’t say a thing because he doesn’t know what to say quite yet.

He just holds him, then when Damian tires himself out and his eyes become puffy and half-lidded, Jason gathers him up and carries him to the bedroom, his arms too full to turn off the TV. Damian instantly curls up into his side as he lays them both down onto the bed, dragging the sheets.

People die on patrol, yet Bruce seems to be the hardest on them when it’s the criminals who die. Victims, choking on their own blood and crying, eyes going milky, but Bruce only sees the criminal that Jason aloud to get shot by their own partner, he only sees the thug Jason aloud to get stabbed through the gut when Joker got sick of them. It’s a whole, vile system Bruce has. When victims die, it’s no one’s fault, but when the bad guys die, they should have been strong enough and brave enough and fast enough to stop it.

Jason doesn’t think Bruce will ever trust Jason not to kill. He doesn’t think Bruce will ever trust Damian not to kill.

So the least Jason can do right now while Bruce seethes and Dick tries to mediate is hold Damian a little tighter as a promise that Jason is on his side instead of the people who are supposed to be.

He hopes it’s enough. Because it’s truly the least he can do.

[ofwarriors]

𝔰𝔲𝔯𝔭𝔯𝔦𝔰𝔢 𝔟𝔦𝔱𝔠𝔥

SUMMARY: In an attempt to get Belphegor to complete a stealth training exercise, Gabriel convinces Belphegor to crash Michael and Zatanna’s date night. TRIGGERS: Depression tw, PTSD tw WRITTEN WITH: @ofhellsbells, @ofgoldenangel, @zztophat

Belphegor: Belphegor was laying on the bed, tired as Hell. They were pretty sure that phrase came from them. They were always so tired, but more so now that they had to be training every week. They never really kept up with what days of the week it was, but now all they paid attention to was training days and not training days. Nearly everyone they talked to had to deal with their complaints about it. Currently, it was Gabriel's turn. They were spending the day together. There was some movie playing on the TV with a pile of snacks between the two of them. Belphegor wasn't paying attention to the movie. “I just don't get why I have to train every week,” they said for what must have been the sixteenth time in the past half hour. They let out a long sigh, rolling over on the bed, so they were on their back, looking up at their brother. “Raph won't help. Zatanna has no reason to help me. Dad knows Cupid can't convince him.” They sighed again. “I wish I could get back at him for all this torture.”

Gabriel: Gabriel had been enjoying his day with sibling it had been awhile since they had this free time especially given Bells new training with Michael, which if Bells constant complaining was anything to go off of that Michael hadn't related one bit in his teaching style. He remembered those times waking up and training with his elder brother and he did not miss it at all. "Its to build your skill, just be lucky I had to train every single day under him in Heaven the man can be dictatorish " He mused before smirking slightly if there was one thing Mikey liked was showing that his teaching was sticking, maybe there was a way to make training fun that Bells wouldn't even think they were doing it to show the other that it wasn't all bad. "And you didn't think to come to me Bells? How hurtfully you know I'm quite good at being an authority on Mikey" He mused before taking a bite out of a chip "How about we do get him back? I have it on good knowledge he is on a date with Zee today....What if we planned little sneak attack on him?"

Belphegor: They scoffed. “That's assuming I have any skills to build off of.” They had plenty of skills, and they weren't actually terrible at combat when they wanted to be. The problem was that people expected more of you once you started doing well at something. Belphegor didn't want to put so much effort in all the time, so they just never put any effort in at all ever. It was easier that way. “You say that like we didn't both grow up being trained by him,” Belphegor pointed out. One of the best parts about the fall was that they thought they would never have to train again. Sadly, that didn't seem to be the case. They managed a laugh. “So he listens to you now? When did that happen?” they joked, pushing at Gabriel's leg playfully. As far as they knew, Michael didn't really listen to anyone. The closest they would have gotten to get him to listen to someone was Raphael, and that was a bust. They were curious if he might've gotten Michael to listen to him more though. They rose a brow at Gabriel's suggestion, sitting up. “Get him back?” they repeated, suddenly a lot more interested. A smirk grew on their face. “I'm listening.”

Gabriel: He chuckled softly looking at his sibling "You have plenty skills, look at all the great inventions you've given humans to properly play you tribute" He teased looking at the other. He  knew what it was like growing skills especially under their elder siblings it was always more once you proved you can handle a concept  and given the others more sloth nature he was sure they were cursing up a storm when they were forced to work. "Yeah but you always screamed and attack him, he hit me in the butt with a sword!" He laughed with the  other rolling his eyes pretending to be hurt "Bells, you know I just puppy dog eye Mikey and I usually get what I want. How else would I not have to work and get things i want?" He teased pushing the other back again before smirking "I knew you'd take to that idea. So what i'm thinking is what if we stalked Zee and Mike on their date and then planned this grand sneak attack on him? you could get your revenge and we could cockblock Mikey a bit" He looked at the other "What do you thing Bells you up for a little recon mission?"  

Belphegor: "Being creative doesn't count towards anything in this family," they pointed out. Most of the things they invented were just to let them relax more anyways. More importantly, it didn't do anything to help them against Michael's training. "Of course I did! Going up against Michael is fucking terrifying. You expect me not to scream? And he still hit me in the ass. Still does," they grumbled. They reached over and grabbed a pillow, whacking Gabriel in the head with it. "Use your puppy dog eyes on that," they laughed. Levi would've loved to have been there to feel Belphegor's jealousy about the fact that Gabriel didn't have to do any work to get what he wanted from Michael, but they were redirecting that jealousy at Michael. "He'll be distracted by the date and by Zatanna, so it'll be easier to sneak up on him," they thought aloud. They were liking this idea more and more. "And if they're eating dinner, we can steal their dinner after we take down Michael." They nodded, assuring themself of how good this plan is. "Okay, but if Zatanna's there, we have to be careful. For one, because she might try to rat us out to Michael if she sees us, and for two, I just don't want her to get caught up in our attack on Michael. So when we attack, I'll go after Michael while you make sure she's out of the crosshairs, and then you join me in taking him down."

Gabriel: "It counts in my book! and I'm family so I just disproved that theory" He replied sticking his tongue out at the other. He still hated training with Michael he'd spent most of his life doing so since the war. He was so lost and alone following Michael was all he could do. "Well You deserve a spanking every now and then" He got out before the pillow hit him in the Head causing him to laugh uncontrollable  "That's it no snacks for you, grounded" He teased shaking his head taking the last piece of chocolate eating it right in front of them. "that he will be, he'll be all lovely dovely  and gross which meas we can take him down and Zee won't interfere if keep her at bay" He mused looking at the other nodding dinner did sound nice "True, or maybe we can taken him down and have them order us dinner!!" He said excitedly as he thought for a moment " Yeah she'd tell on us in a heartbeat, but if we keep the stealth up and attack when they both have their back turned it should work, I can encase Zatanna in a soft bubble while you take down Michael then I'll appear after I'm sure she is okay and safe above our fight" He replied glad to see how happy Bells seems to get about testing out their training when they weren't looking at him he'd shoot a text off to Mike to ensure the angel didn't try to smite them but still keep up the surprise. "Should we go to the restaurant now and stalk them?"

Belphegor: They rolled their eyes. "I don't think that's how things work. If it was, we could count eating candy and sleeping as a skill." Unfortunately, those things weren't going to be considered skills by everyone else. "No, I don't!" they shot back, grabbing the other pillow to hit Gabriel with it. Belphegor gasped. "You can't ground me! This is my house!" They rolled off the bed, popping back up with an armful of snacks. "Jokes on you." They stuck out their tongue. "You think I don't keep extra snacks everywhere? Do you even know me?" They opened one of the bags, empty the whole thing of chips in their mouth. Their cheeks puffed up with their mouth completely full. "There's nothing wrong with being in love with someone," they said between bits of food. While spying on Michael, Belphegor figured they could probably figure out how to act on a date too, and then they could surprise Cupid with all the skills they got in that department on her birthday too. "Do you think they would?" Belphegor asked excitedly, salivating at the thought of dinner even though they were stuffing themself on chips and candy. "That sounds perfect! We'll probably need to see the terrain and how he's positioned before we plan the full attack. Let me just change into something that'll let me maneuver around easier." They ran off to their closet, quickly changing into some better pants and a shirt instead of the pajamas they'd previously been wearing. "Okay, I'm ready now," they said as they returned to Gabriel, practically bouncing in anticipation. "Let's go kick his ass!"

Gabriel: He looked at the other sibling shaking his head "Well we can only acknowledge our own greatness" He mused shaking his head before dodging the next pillow swipe that came his way jumping up "HA, Missed me!" He mused keeping is distance watching the other take the snacks from some hidden compartment on the other side of their bed "You are just a little snake!!! Of course I know you though I didn't know you could unhinge your jaw like that, that could be useful for some recon" He mused looking at  the other eat their treat before nodding his head "Nothing wrong with it, who knows maybe you'll get some ideas for a date of your own." He smirked at his sibling knowing things were slowly heating up between Cupid and Belphegor spending more and more time together. "Yeah I bet they would, after all we'd have worked up an appetite and its only fair, the winner takes the spoils" He mused before nodding his head "yes we need to take in every ensure that they are alone so no one can interfere, then also ensure that Zatanna is away from our fight" He replied before pulling out his phone to shoot a Text to Mikey hey I'm teaching Bells some Stealth stalking skills, Don't go full smiting mode Cool?  He finished quickly sliding his phone back in his pocket not wanting Mike to go full Archangel mode on Bells or they'd never do something like this again. "Okay Perfect!! I know right where they are" He mused taking Bells hand and making them appear a mile away "They  are just up the way I put us back here so we can find a good place to watch them.

Belphegor: "I guess so." They sighed. That didn't used to be the case. Although humans didn't seem to recognize the greatness they offered when they were a full heavenly archangel, many humans worshiped them as a god not long after they had fallen. Many still made deals with them to come up with new inventions, but it wasn't the same anymore. "Then stop moving!" they said, grabbing the third and last pillow on their bed to hit him with it. "Only sometimes," they joked. They winked at him and stuck out their tongue, which they'd changed to a snake's tongue in that moment. "Eating things can be used for recon?" they questioned. "Well, you should probably ask Asmo. He can eat even more than me." It was the subject of his sin after all. "I was already planning that. You're not reading my thoughts, are you?" They questioned, narrowing their eyes at him. "What am I thinking right now?" I need a nap. they thought, but really they knew that Gabriel couldn't read minds. Belphegor was just very predictable in almost all respects. "I hope they have potatoes," Belphegor hummed thoughtfully, thinking about other foods they might want. "How hard cant that be? At least Michael doesn't actually know we're coming this time." In training, he always knew they were coming because he'd told them to do it. That wasn't fair, but this would be. They squeezed Gabriel's hand as he teleported them away.

Belphegor blinked in the bright light when they landed. It was too bright compared to the comfy darkness of their home. They glanced in the direction Gabriel indicated. "Do you see them now?"

MICHAEL: They were just on their way out of the restaurant. He grabbed Zatanna's coat off the coat rack at the entry and helped her into it. "I promise we'll do this more often," he smiled as she shrugged it on. He grabbed his own jacket and put it on as well. He didn't need one but it was best to blend in now that the weather was changing. He felt his phone vibrate and looked down to check it. A look of curious concern crossed his face. Belphegor wouldn't volunteer for stealth training. And why would Michael need to keep himself in check? A look of realization dawned on his face as he slipped the phone back into his coat pocket and put his arm around Zatanna, walking her out of the restaurant. "I think we're going to have some company tonight," he replied as he placed a kiss on the top of her head. He took it as an opportunity to take in his surroundings but he didn't see any signs of Bells or Gabe. "Apparently, not even dinner is sacred," he chuckled. He should've known. Bells felt inconvenienced by training so the best time to train was when it was an inconvenience to Michael. Fair. At least they were training.

ZATANNA: "I'm holding you to it," she smiled as she slipped on her jacket and took the take home box off the counter. They didn't get to do this often. Either his family, her friends, or both their duties to their respective teams and realms, kept them busy for days. Even their last date at the ice skating rink had mostly been a rouse to keep an eye on Belphegor and Cupid. She watched his expressions change as he looked through his phone before putting it in his pocket. "Company?" she groaned as they walked out of the restaurant. He had a look on his face like he half-expected this would happen, and she couldn't blame him. It somehow always happened. "Come on, we can probably take 'em," she joked. "Or, you know, it's not too late to fly to Fiji for the winter." At least they got to have a meal this time so she wouldn't be dealing with whoever it was on an empty stomach. "So, who's third wheeling us this time?"

Gabriel:  He had to admit he enjoyed spending time with Belphegor it was always something so mind numbing and happy without even trying too. He had enjoyed dodging the pillows plus it seemed to make her smile "HA Missed again Poor Bells all out of pillows, we should turn this anger towards our Mikey attack!" He mused smiling softly "that is oddly cool okay any other snake behavior because snakes are quite silent and deadly hone in on those traits and we'll get him" He mused excitedly before shaking his head "Nah, Asmo can be so.... stiff you'd think something crawled up his ass and died" He nodded his head before glaring at his sibling for a moment "Its either food or a nap both those are your go too Bel, so its easy to pick those" He mused before looking at the other and made a note to ask Mikey to buy them dinner too since it was only fair given how well this plan will work. "It will work perfectly and we can get our revenge against him for making us train under horrible circumstances." He mused before noticing the other seemed to adjusted "Do you need some sunglasses? it would work seeing how bright it is?" He asked concerned  before turning his attention to the couple leaving the restaurant "Yeah that's them,  coming out right now, we have to ensure we stay far enough behind  so he can't sense us."

Belphegor: Belphegor laughed. "If you think pillows are all I have, you're sorely mistaken." Their home was a treasure trove of pillows, blankets, stuffed animals, cushions, and other comfy objects. They muttered a spell beneath their breath. Their eyes glowed a light blue, and all of those pillows and other comfy objects in the room rose up before flying towards Gabriel, being drawn to him like metal to magnets. There was no avoiding that, and once Gabriel was completely covered, Belphegor jumped on top of the pile. "If you get too angry, you can't focus on an attack," Belphegor pointed out. Michael had told them that, not that they listened to what he said or anything. Getting revenge was perfectly okay as long as they didn't let their anger cloud their thoughts. "It's not just with snakes, but I guess I can do a lot of snake things." They shrugged and transformed completely into a snake, slithering into the pile with Gabriel and coiling around his arms and torso, so he couldn't escape as they used their tail to tickle his sides. "Hey!" they hissed. "He's not that bad," they said defensively. They were always defensive of their fallen siblings, no matter what they did, right or wrong. They uncurled from Gabriel and turned back into their more human confident form. "Food's the obvious choice. It's not like I need anyone's help to nap." They didn't usually anyways. More recently, the nightmares they had got worse with the more memories they acquired, but they still managed to sleep sometimes. They frowned. "I thought you said he didn't make you train anymore?" they questioned, but it didn't matter in regards to what they were doing now. Belphegor still wanted to get back at Michael. "Sunglasses? No. I just need a second to adjust." They were just used to the darkness of their room, nothing more. Belphegor nodded at Gabriel's advice. "Going on the roofs might be better. If we just run at him, he'll see us too."

MICHAEL: "I appreciate the faith in me," he grinned, his hand moving to hold hers. He knew the year had a lot in store for them. He'd gotten Belphegor to back off on investigating but that didn't mean they were going to be less persistent about it. Not to mention, Zatanna had taken on a lot herself by agreeing to help find a solution to this. On top of that there were also the love curses on his siblings which Cupid was working on. The year was proving to be exhausting already which is why moments to themselves like these were important. He chuckled at her response to the news. "We can definitely take them, but I'm starting to like the idea of Fiji more and more. Maybe that'll be our next date. Whether we come back now..." he grinned lazily, leaning down to kiss her. "That's a toss up." He continued forward toward Zatanna's apartment. His eyes continued to scan their surroundings for any signs of his siblings. "I suspect we'll actually have two additional wheels joining us. It's Gabriel and Belphegor. I got a text from Gabe saying his stealth training with Bells and that I should refrain from going full archangel. When they were kids, I used to have them do this exercise where they would try to sneak up on me without me detecting their presence. Bells was never very good at it though. Screamed like a banshee coming in, so this should be interesting. Let me know if you see them before I do."

ZATANNA: "I always have faith in you," she smiled, lightly elbowing him. "Even if you don't have faith in yourself." He was a good man despite the bad things that he'd done in his past. He was working to make amends and do right by his siblings. If spending time with her was important to him, she knew he would make time. "Ah, yes, the temptation to not come back is always there. We could probably hide out for a few months before they find us," she grinned. It was more than a little tempting sometimes to get away, but they were both entrenched here. They had responsibilities and people counting on them. A vacation of any sort was probably off the table for a while, but that didn't stop her from dreaming. She wasn't surprised when he mentioned the likely date crashers would be Gabriel and Belphegor. "Belphegor willingly doing a training exercise?" She was impressed by Gabriel's skills to get them to go along with this. "I'll keep my eyes open," she nodded. She didn't see or sense either of them at the moment, but that didn't mean they weren't around here somewhere. "If they are following us though, we could just scare them off. They are date crashing," she pointed out. "What's a kiss here and there anyway?" she winked.

Gabriel: Gabriel had to admit hanging out with Belphegor was never boring now matter if they did something or nothing. Hie loved spending time with them even now buried under the comfy objects that came their way. "You fiend!!" He laughed under the comfy fortress that Bells has set upon him. "I'm hardly angry, i just get petty that is one thing I enjoy doing" He mused glad the other pulled him out looking at them "its amazing, one day you'll have to show me all you can do Bells" He mused laughing looking at their sibling in snake form before petting their little head "Ha we should go out like this sometime see the look on everyone faces, plus you wont have to walk with me carrying you." He replied laughing "He isn't that bad, but he certain gives off an air of gentlemen callers of the 19 century " He mused through the giggles of laughter the other brought out of him. He nodded his head "That is quite true, though you hardly need people's help with food either" He mused softly before looking around nodding his head "i don't so much since we came to Earth but I do remember how he used to push me in Heaven" He replied before looking at the other nodding "Okay I've got them if you need them and I think you are right roofs work better, we can follow them without appearing in their line of sight" He mused using his wings to fly them to the roof getting a better visual of Mike and Zee. "How should we do the approach when we do? I know I'm on Zee duty, but how will you sneak attack him?"

Belphegor: "I was talking about my anger," they clarified. Belphegor wasn't a particularly angry person. They were usually just sad more than anything. Anger and wrath were more Aamon's thing, but Belphegor could still build it up too at times, usually with volatile consequences. They'd been angry with Michael before at Lux, but they'd mostly gotten over that. While they might've even seemed like they hated him in training, they didn't really. They just didn't want to do the training, and being forced to do it annoyed them. They wouldn't let anger about that build up to cloud their judgment today. "Hopefully not all at once. That sounds like a lot of work." They sighed, their tongue sticking out as Gabriel petted them. "That does sound nice. I could take a nap like that." They wouldn't even care if anyone was looking at them funny. It would allow them to spend time with Gabriel, sleep, and let Gabriel mess with people. They supported all of his attempts to be a little shit. "I don't need people's help to eat the food, but I might like the help to get the food," they pointed out. Belphegor nodded. That was fair enough. They probably still would've wanted to do this to Michael even if he wasn't making them do training again.

"We'll still have to be careful though. He might still look up." Even if Michael wasn't expecting an attack like now, Belphegor imagined that he was always watching his surroundings. They followed Gabriel up onto the roof, being as quiet as they could with the flutter of their wings. They were luckily still far enough back that Michael probably couldn't have heard them even if they weren't being careful. Now that they had the higher ground, they could see the playing field a little more. They held their hand to their chin as they thought of a good course of action.

"It looks like there's an alley that goes around all these buildings and opens up ahead over there. You'll want to grab Zatanna at the last possible second if we want Michael caught off guard, so we should set up the ambush over there. You'll want to hide around the corner on the ground while I wait on the roof. I'll drop down on him from above once Zatanna is out of the way. Based on their current pace and accounting for an extra ten seconds in case they slow down or pause for anything, it should take them between a minute and thirty-five seconds to a minute and forty-five seconds for them to get there. We should be able to get there faster to make sure we're in position in time to get the drop on them. You won't be able to see them as well as I'll be able to without being seen, so when they're about to be within range of you, I'll do a spell to make a sound in the alley across the street. It might also draw their attention to that area, but it'll really just be a warning for you."

MICHAEL: He smiled at the kind comment. It was probably more than he deserved, but he needed to hear it. "And I you," he placed a kiss upon her temple as they walked. He had an extraordinary amount of faith in the woman beside him, but sometimes he worried she’d taken on too many of his burdens. “With the right spell, you’re probably right. When things calm down, we’ll have to give it a shot,” he grinned. He wasn’t sure if things would ever calm down, but it was a nice goal to work toward. He chuckled at her surprise regarding Bells. They were incredibly vocal about how much they hated training. “I suspect Gabe phrased it as less of a training exercise and more as a way to inconvenience me. Bells jumps at chances to do that. Particularly when I’m making them do something they don’t want to do.” Bells was hard to break through to. Their denial about their own competence and ability ran quite deep, but Michael had enough patience to spare. If Bells was spending their night ruining his night, he at least knew they weren’t investigating further into their possession. A smile brightened his features at Zatanna’s suggestion. He wasn’t sure if it would actually deter Belphegor and Gabriel, but he wasn’t going to decline an invitation like that. “I do like the sound of that,” he grinned and pulled her close. As his lips met hers, he gently maneuvered her so that her back was pressed against the brownstone building up head of them, never once breaking away from the kiss as he did so.

ZATANNA: "Now that is the biggest if and when," she laughed. "I take 50% of the blame there though." She knew she struggled to say no to things which is how she became so drawn into half the things she was in. It had less to do with him and more to do with her own need to fix things. She let out a breathy laugh when he explained his theories as to why Belphegor would willingly train. "It's cute...in a younger sibling way." As much as Belphegor didn't like training, she knew despite themselves they liked spending time with Michael. They'd spent centuries avoiding him and this was their time to rebuild that relationship. "It's also better than them giving you the eternal cold shoulder," she pointed out. It was also better for everyone else that Bells was spending time stalking their date than investigating the void, but that didn't mean Michael and Zatanna couldn't have fun at their expense. It was fair game. Training, after all, was supposed to be difficult. She smiled into the kiss as their lips met. In less than two short strides, she felt her back against the cool brownstone. Her hands interlaced in his hair as she pulled him in closer and deepened the kiss. After a few short minutes, she pulled away giggling and breathless. She pressed her forehead to his, cupping his face as her thumb lightly traced over his lips. "You think they're thoroughly scarred yet?"

Gabriel: Gabriel was beyond happy he'd gotten Belphegor to go along with this plan, it wasn't often they could get them to even like training much less put it to real world use. "Doesn't it though? I think that should be our next outing me just spoiling you and feeding you anything you'd like in snake form while we walk the streets of New York." He mused  knowing the other would like that idea alot plus it was a bonus for him spending time with his sibling doing what they loved.  Listening to the way Bells planned their attack was great, he felt pride within his hear at how well Mike had gone about retraining them once again.

"That's very true unlike humans we have higher senses, Mikey being top warrior his skills are a little more honed but I think we can handle it." He replied moving stealthy over the roofs following them close being but not enough to be seen. This was the perfect plan for revenge and it showed Michael how well Bells was doing giving her a much needed Ego boost when it came to their combat skills.

"That's a perfect plan of action, Bells, it will allow but the ambush and necessary place to ensure Zee doesn't get hurt while we take down Mike." He mused being pulled from his thought to watch Mike and Zee make out rather indecently before shaking his head and grimacing at the scene. "Didn't need to see that" He replied before looking at the alley not that their target was perfectly busy and distracted it was his time to move. "Okay I'm going to head to the Alleyway now, while they are together and distracted you give me that warning and I'll be sure to make things interesting for your attack. Just remember no screaming as you attack it will give your position away." He replied moving to take his spot in the Alleyway to set their plan in motion.

Belphegor: "You can't catch me saying no to something like that," Belphegor grinned. It involved eating and not moving a muscle besides their mouth. Who would say no to that? It would be a lot more relaxed than the mission they were on now. "Plus, unlike in training, he has no idea that we have anything planned." In training, Michael was more prepared for an attack. It added to why Belphegor didn't do well with training. How could they hope to beat someone who always knew they were coming? Besides, because they knew it was training, the stakes weren't there to make them try as much. They knew they could get away with more things specifically because it was training. This was different. They actually felt more optimistic in thinking they had an upper hand.

Belphegor smiled brightly when Gabriel complimented their plan. They didn't get many praises about their decisions in combat, mainly because those decisions weren't usually good, so they weren't used to hearing things like that. They turned back to look at Zatanna and Michael when they saw Gabriel grimace, looking at the scene in confusion. They'd considered that Zatanna and Michael might've paused to kiss in their calculations before because they'd seen the couple do that when they were all ice skating, but this one was going on for a while. It raised a few questions, and while they normally would've asked Cupid about anything related to love, they wanted to know about some of these things for Cupid's sake. As Gabriel went to his spot for the ambush, Belphegor texted Dean the questions they had. Since he had a relationship with his car, they assumed he must've been an expert on love and romance too. They sent several texts back and forth with him while they waited for Zatanna and Michael to finish eating each other's faces, only grumbling to themselves a little. "I'm not gonna scream." They huffed. "This isn't training."

MICHAEL: "Well then we better fix that," he smiled. "Valentines Day is coming up. We might not be able to go to Fiji, but I do have something in mind that's just as fun if we can manage to get away for just a day." He had several things planned, he just needed to solidify the reservations and his schedule. "Ah yes, the eternal cold shoulder," he grimaced. "They're generally not good at holding grudges, but they do excel at avoiding people and things they don't want to see." He knew that Bells was very likely to give him just that once they found out the truth. In the mean time though, all he could do was help the others find a way to free Bells. He just hoped they would be able to find a solution before Bells found out the truth on their own. His worries, fears, and concerns melted for a few fleeting moments when his lips met Zatanna's. Heaven, Hell, and even Earth didn't exist in moments like this. They could pretend they were just carefree lovers. He was willing to lose himself entirely in her kiss and he would have had she not pulled back. Her voice was breathy and her cheeks were flushed as she spoke. It made him smile all the more. "I certainly hope so. If they aren't, they will be if we make it home before they get to me," he chuckled lowly before pressing a kiss to her forehead. Her dazzling smile illuminated the night almost as much as the moon did. The Archangel took the magician's hand once more and began walking the path back to her apartment.

ZATANNA: "I think I can swing that," she smiled. Maybe it was wishful thinking, but surely they could manage a day away from everyone and everything. "What did you have in mind?" she asked curiously although she had a feeling like a proper magician, he wasn't going to reveal any of his secrets. "Do you think they realize they're expanding almost as much energy, if not more, into avoiding you than they would be if they actually met on time to train with you?" she asked. The efforts Bells went through to avoid training with Michael were fairly counterintuitive for a sloth sin and only proved Michael's point further that if Bells wanted to do something they could do it. They weren't as incompetent as they liked to pretend. Zatanna bit her bottom lip and smiled as he pulled away from her and alluded to things he had planned for tonight. "Next time, nice night or not, we're teleporting home," she laughed and took his hand as they began to walk toward the apartment again.  

Gabriel: "Next outing we'll do okay? I get to spoil you and I get your company out of it nothing to do with training or anything but staying a snake and getting feed by me" Gabe replied smiling softly looking at the his sibling there wasn't a thing Gabe wouldn't do for Belphegor he truly loved them with his whole heart. He wanted this day out to be in favor of Bells, enough to build their confidence up as well as have a bit of fun cockblocking Michael. He was finally starting to feel more like himself again as the time went on.

Gabe had to admit he was quite glad he couldn't see Mike and Zatanna make out any more, it was nice that his brother had gotten someone who made him feel complete but his sex life was something he most definitely had no desire to ever see or hear. He waited patiently thinking of the best one to detain Zee when Bells gave the warning sign, surely with them being in public they'd be breaking apart soon to at least attempt make it home before going full out on the sidewalk.

BELPHEGOR: Belphegor nodded approvingly. They were going to look forward to it, assuming that they actually got out of this alive or without Michael telling Lucifer and getting them in trouble that way. Technically, attacking Michael like this was probably breaking that treaty thing, but he deserved it.

Belphegor finished texting Dean around the same time that Zatanna and Michael stopped making out. Belphegor kind of overreacted in their texts to Dean, and it left them in a somewhat bitter mood, which they aimed to turn against Michael. They waited patiently atop the roof, until they got close enough to the alley where Gabriel was. As soon as they were just two steps away, Belphegor used magic to cause a trash can to fall over in the oppostie alleyway, signalling Gabriel that the time was now. Belphegor took a running start and leapt off the roof. They folded in their wings and silently dropped down on top of Michael, hooking their arm around his neck on the way down, so they could pull him backwards and knock him off his feet. They didn't look and just trusted that Gabriel got Zatanna out of the way in time.

MICHAEL: He smiled at her attempts to coax his Valentines Day plans out of him. "And ruin the surprise?" he chuckled. "I would never. I can assure you it's nothing as risque as Zachary's New Years Eve stunt," he promised before chuckling at her comment about Belphegor and the lengths they were going through just to avoid training. "I'm fairly sure they-" the sound of a trash can falling over on the opposite side of the alleyway caught his attention. His body turned in that direction to scan for any threats as he reflexively positioned himself so that Zatanna was behind him and away from any danger that might be lurking on the other side of the alleyway. It was then that he felt them. Belphegor's body collided with his, their arm around his neck pulling him backward and away from Zatanna as Michael came crashing to his feet. His eyes flared golden and his wings jutted out to cradled his fall. However, when he unfurled his wings there was no anger on his face, just amusement. Belphegor had gotten one over on him without a screaming start. "Well, I'll be damned. Where'd you come from?" he grinned.

GABRIEL: Gabe waited in the alleyway knowing his moment would be soon, he just had to wait for bell's signal alerting him to spring into action and keep Zatanna away while they acted out their training session. Zee had always been so understand so he never worried that she'd be mad or upset with them for breaking up their date after all he'd come to love Zatanna much like a sister even before she started dating Mikey. hearing the trash can tip over he moved quickly opening his wings to take flight swooping into to grab Zatanna from behind Michael with ease. Both of them wrapped in his wings for a moment while he moved her out of way of the little fight going on.  "Hello Zee, have a nice dinner?" he asked sweetly before unwrapping them from his wings shooting her a wink. He was proud of Belphegor in their sneaky attack move, It not only showed Michael how well their training was going but it also showed a couple skills he knew they had yet to show off to their warrior brother yet.  

ZATANNA: "Not even a sneak peak?" she asked. "Unfair. I always give you at least three hints," she reminded him. She laughed and shook her head when he mentioned Zach's stunt back at time square. "He means well, at least I think he does. He just has shit timing and can't read a room to save his life." He definitely struggled to read her emotions at least. She startled a bit when she heard the trash can tumble on the other side of the alleyway. Michael was quick to react as he moved in front of her. "Maybe it's just a--" before she could finish her sentence she felt wings around her but they weren't Michael's. Reflexively she tensed up and tried to push away, but the tension eased when she heard Gabriel's voice. "You know, it was going well until a third wheel decide to join," she winked right back. As Gabe unfurled his wings she was able to get a good look at the scene before her. Michael was on the ground, a look of playful pride on his face, and Belphegor was standing in front of him. "Ah, and there's a fourth wheel. We might as well rent a bus," she grinned.

BELPHEGOR: They felt their heart racing as they carried out their attack. They were determined, but also terrified. It wasn't like they'd ever actually gotten one over on Michael before, not that they ever really tried, but there had been every chance that like in other attempts, he would've turned to where they were rushing at him from and stopped them in their tracks. It didn't happen that way this time. They knocked Michael to the ground and just stood over him. Their chest puffed in and out with their breath, but they weren't entirely sure where to go from this point or what to do. They'd never gotten this far before. The smile on Michael's face was also confusing. "Stop smiling. I beat you," they told him. Maybe Michael just didn't know how to process that because he wasn't used to being beaten. "You . . . you have to give us food now."

MICHAEL: "I will offer one hint," he smiled, pulling her closer to him. "It'll be magical. Probably not as magical as you but pretty damn close," he teased as he placed a kiss atop her head. He means well was a phrase Michael heard often when it came to both John and Zachary. "I don't think Zach can even read himself fully let alone read a room," he pointed out. Introspection wasn't something the kid was keen on doing.

As he tumbled to the ground, he reflexively searched his surroundings for Zatanna. He caught sight of Gabriel grabbing her and shielding her from any windfall. That was enough for the Archangel to relax his tensed muscles as he looked up at Belphegor. Bells looked like they'd taken a shot of pure adrenaline and Michael wanted to see how they would react to a little bit of push back. "Stop smiling? Very well." The archangel's eyes flared gold and quick as a flash, he kicked Belphegor's feet out from under them while pushing himself up off the ground. If they wanted food for literally crash landing his date, they were going to have to fight back for it.

GABRIEL: He smirked looking at Zatanna he was glad they could crash their little date it looked rather happy which made Gabe just beam with happiness. "Hey...I thought you liked my company Zee?" He pouted cutely giving her one of his best puppy dog eyes before looking at Michael and Bells, of course their elder brother thought to laugh instead of playing along, really it was like he had to do everything. "Depends on where we are going? I did promise bells food if they bested Mikey, so hold that thought" He mused before waiting for Michael to focus on Bells not noticing his presence behind him Moving to lock him in grand hug that keep his hands tied to his sides "Hey Mikey! having a nice date? also I may have promised that you'd buy us food if we won, so...don't cheap out" He looked at Bells waiting for their next attack.  

ZATANNA: She laughed and shook her head at the corny joke. She knew she wasn't going to get much else out of him. His assessment of Zach wasn't too far off although she suspected Zachary knew how to read his emotions, he just refused to feel the negative ones. Out of sight and out of mind was how he liked to operate.

"I do like your company, but your timing needs a little work," she teased before shaking her head at Gabriel. "Ah, food, the ultimate motivator. Let's see how they do," she winked. She watched Michael kick Belphegor's feet out from under them as he righted himself. Just as he straightened, Gabriel came up behind him to lock Michael up in a hug. It was was like watching two little bear cubs trying to knock out a grizzle bear. "Two against one hardly seems fair, boys," she called out to Gabriel and Belphegor. She made a small gesture with her hand that told Michael to lock his feet steady to the ground. "Wolb kcab," she called out and blew a kiss in Gabriel's direction. A fierce wind knocked Gabriel off of Michael and freed the Archangel, but he wasn't out of the woods yet. There was still Belphegor to contend with.

BELPHEGOR: It wasn't just Michael who wasn't taking this seriously. While they were standing there, they glanced back to see Gabriel and Zatanna casually chatting. It was during that distraction that Michael kicked their feet out from under them. Gabriel finally came to help, and Belphegor rolled over just in time to see Zatanna casting a spell. They stayed low to the ground, so whatever she was doing couldn't do much to them, and they glared in the direction Gabriel had been thrown. Had he actually made sure Zatanna was out of the fight, that wouldn't have happened. Zatanna had claimed that two against one wasn't fair, which might've been true for a normal person, but this was Michael they were up against. They needed as much fighting power as they could get, but now Belphegor was the only one who could do anything since Zatanna took Gabriel out of the fight for a moment. They started to get up, crouching at first before using their wings to launch themself at Michael, tackling him into the building closest to them.

MICHAEL: Just as he stood he felt arms around him. They were Gabriel's. All Michael really had to do was flex his wings in order to get Gabriel off his back, but then he saw Zatanna gesture with her hand. He knew the sign was stand your ground. So he dug himself firmly in place, curious to see where she was about to take this. A small smile crossed his lips as she threw her spell at Gabriel with the flare and grace only a magician could muster. Gods, he loved her. There was no question about that. As soon as Zatanna released her hold on the spell, he saw Belphegor spring up to their feet. There was fight and flare in their eyes which is what the older angel wanted to see. Michael braced himself as Belphegor launched themself at him. A split second later, Belphegor's whole body made contact with his. They were flying through the air, straight through the wall of the closest building. It was an empty warehouse as were most buildings on this block. Michael landed on the floor with the rest of the rubble and Bells landed right on top of him. The archangel was having fun with this covert training but he knew it was best not to show it right now. Motivating Belphegor to fight was an art form. If you pushed too far, you ended up isolating them entirely. He'd gotten enough of a reaction out of Belphegor to know that Bells was capable of putting up a decent fight. "Alright," the archangel panted. "Easy does it, Tiger. Easy does it. You got me..." Michael surrendered. "I concede this round. You get to name the winning prize as long as we don't demolish the rest of this building."

GABRIEL: "My timing is perfect, after all you wanna date the eldest you've gotta experience the pain in the ass baby siblings too Zee!"Gabe chuckled softly replaying back to zatanna before returning his attention to Mikey. Gabe had to admit he wasn't surprised Zatanna joined the party after all she was always willing to indulge them whenever they felt the need to act on their emotions. He also knew he was suppose to restrain her but he also knew she'd escape within a matter of seconds but she'd throw him off Michael without so much as a second thought so he chuckling help but shaking his head "IT'S MICHAEL ITS ALREADY UNFAIR!" He moved to stand up knowing that Bells and Mike's fight would end soon by themselves while he turn to look at Zee "you know Luci often calls you witch, and it got me thinking of that weird little human movie, what is that title...." He pretend to think of the title before he snapped his fingers making Zatanna be encased within a bubble and changing her outfit to a frilly pink dress floating her up about an inch "ahh that's right, Glinda The Good Witch" He smirked right as Bells and Mike seemed to break through a building, using his wings to save himself from any backlash of debris and also glad he'd encased Zee from harm. "Well damn....that was awesome....Got a spell to fix.....All that?" He question the floating women.

ZATANNA: "Oh, but I have experienced them. I'm pretty sure two of them would like me out of the picture completely," she pointed out. "Are you following in their lead?" she joked. She knew Gabriel didn't carry animosity toward her like Uriel and Aamon did. An amused smile crossed her lips as Gabriel lamented that it was unfair she threw him off of Michael because it was Michael. "Ah, come on. I can take him," she winked in Michael's direction just in time to see Belphegor spring up from off the ground and ram into Michael's chest. The two of them went flying through the brick wall of the warehouse. Before she had time to react, Gabriel encased her in a bubble to protect her from the debris. She thought that was the end of that but then her outfit changed to match Glinda the Good Witch. "The audacity," she laughed as she looked at Gabriel. "You know what, I can work this outfit too," she teased. "pop eht elbbub," she poked the bubble after reciting the spell and it popped to release her. Zatanna lifted the frills of the pink dress up so that she could step through the rubble and examine the damage. She peered into the building to see Michael holding up the metaphorical white flag and conceding to Belphegor's victory. She leaned against what was remaining of the wall as she looked at Belphegor and Michael. "So, I take it the losing party is paying for the damages?"

BELPHEGOR: Belphegor was entirely focused in a way they hadn't been in a long time, and for a moment, they felt like they were back in the war. The sound of debris falling around them was like the clatter of swords, but even back then, they hadn't had a focus or drive to fight like this. They were the healer. Belgirel was the fighter, but there were times where they had gone in together. Belphegor hadn't wanted to fight anyone, but Belgirel had reminded them they had to to fight for what was right. At the very most, Belphegor had wanted to fight to protect them. There had been more than a few close calls, and it was in those moments that Belphegor had fought the hardest. Michael hadn't hurt Belgirel directly, at least as far as Belphegor knew, but they felt that same focus to fight him as they did with the other angels who had tried to hurt their twin. That voice in their head told them to keep going until the danger was gone. Go further. Fight harder. Kill them. In this instance, it didn't make sense to do that. Michael was surrendering, something they'd never known him to do, but even if Belphegor had wanted to kill him (They didn't really, despite what that voice told them.), they didn't have the means to go that far. It wasn't like they had their archangel blade on them, and they couldn't hope to take Michael's. Still, they hesitated, fighting not Michael, but the thoughts in their head that told them to keep hitting him. After a long moment, they pulled away. Belphegor stood up and offered Michael a hand to help him up, the same way he always did for them when he knocked them down in training. "Dinner," they told him, answering the question of what the winning prize was. "For me and Gabe," they clarified. Although Gabe hadn't successfully kept Zatanna away from the fight completely, he had made sure she was safe from everything Belphegor did here today, and Belphegor wouldn't leave him out of the winning prize.

MICHAEL: As Michael fell to the ground, he caught a glimpse of Belphegor's eyes. There was a fire and focus in them that he hadn't seen in Belphegor in a very long time. A sharp painful breath escaped the Archangel's lips as he landed on the ground, but the pain wasn't from the landing itself. It was from a memory of something lost. In this moment, Belphegor looked more like Belgirel than anything else. During the war, Belphegor stayed in the fringes of the fight. They preferred to healing and tending to the injured. Belgirel, on the other hand, was more than likely to be seen on the front lines. Michael had seen them in action before...they carried the same fire and passion in their eyes that Bells carried now. That passion was fleeting though for Belphegor. As the rubble settled, the passion subsided to uncertainty, confusion, and hesitation. There was a silent war raging in Belphegor's head. Michael imagined it was a war that raged on in a lot of soldier's heads: mercy or death. In the moments in which Belphegor hesitated, Michael could've fairly easily gained the upper hand and flipped them off of him, but he didn't. He watched Belphegor pull away and make the choice. Mercy. The archangel took the hand his sibling offered and pulled himself up off the ground. "Very well. That sounds fair and doable. To the winner goes the spoils. You two can follow us back to Zatanna's for dinner," he offered. He turned when he heard Zatanna's voice. She was leaning against what was left of the building, but she was now in a frilly pink dress. "What happened to you?" he asked, amusement in his voice. "Ah, yes," he hung his head, but maintained a positive spirit. "It appears we are the losing party tonight, dove. Not only are we paying for the damages but apparently dinner's on us tonight."

GABRIEL: Gabe couldn't help but chuckle at Zatanna's words he enjoyed hanging out with her but knew she'd also needed along time with Mikey which allowed him to spread out and spend more time with his fallen siblings. "Hardly! Ugh can you even imagine me being like Uriel?" He mused teasing back before rolling his eyes "Grosss, I don't want to know about my brothers sexual times, he is like my father at this point" He mused loving how his prank went over well. After all Zee did remind him of the witch from the movie all nice and sweet, helping out the lost girl. He had to admit he was impressed with Belphegor, they had really shown their skill taking down Michael but he had to wonder if using different methods of training them would really work when the Void came out to play. He worried for his sibling more then he ever let people know but today had been such an amazing day so he smirked at zee "awww come on I wanted Mikey to get the full picture bubble and all" He teased her holding out his hand to help her navigate through the debris.  "Bells!! that was amazing! you did such a great job and you won us dinner!" he mused moving to hug Bells to show how proud he was of them. "didn't Bells do amazing Mikey? and this whole plan was their idea too. quite the amazing trick they did."

ZATANNA: She laughed at his reaction. "Eek, gods, I hope not," she teased. From the way Michael described his siblings, Uriel was logic, Gabriel was emotion, Raphael was the middle ground between the two. "Had you shown up maybe an hour later you would've seen more of your brother than you wanted to anyway," she pointed out. "Risky business tailing us, but I gotta say I am impressed. Neither of us heard you coming." She took his hand and navigated through the rubble until she saw Belphegor and Michael. She smiled when Michael asked her what happened to her. "Gabriel happened," she rolled her eyes playfully in response. "Egnahc kcab," she snapped her fingers and changed back into her original outfit before stepping forward to examine the two Archangels. "Dinner and damage control," she whistled and shook her head. The surveillance footage of this was sure to make it to Bruce by tomorrow morning. There would be questions she would need to answer. "You're lucky that I love you." She tugged at his shirt to get him to lean down far enough so she could kiss him. After pulling away, she turned her attention to the collapsed wall. "Bliub em pu pucrettub." One by one the bricks and debris around Michael and Belphegor shot back up and into place, rebuilding the wall that had been torn down. Zatanna dusted off her hands and beamed up at Belphegor. "Fair is fair and Gabe is right. You did a fantastic job with their stealth attack. I definitely didn't hear you coming and neither did the big guy here," she leaned in and whispered (although she knew Michael could hear her) "I'll recover the footage and get it sent to you." She pulled away, making her voice a little louder again. "So, what do you two want for dinner?"

BELPHEGOR: They were still reeling from the fight even now, trying to process the fact that they'd actually won against their older brother. It didn't feel real, even as Michael agreed to their demands. As he moved towards Zatanna, they were still just standing there, only shaken out of their thoughts once Gabriel came over to hug them. They smiled brightly then, matching Gabriel's excitement. "Gabriel came up with the idea to catch you off guard on your date, but I came up with the plan of attack," they clarified. Gabriel had put thought into this attack too, so they didn't want to take all the credit, but it did make them feel good with how proud everyone looked. "Yeah, that was the plan," they confirmed to Zatanna. They hadn't wanted Michael to hear them coming. They'd tried their hardest to make sure of that. "There's footage?" they asked quietly, though their tone was excited. They hadn't considered that there would be footage available, but now they could show it off to everyone in Hell to show them all that they beat Michael. They doubted anyone would've believed it otherwise. "I want steak and potatoes and corn on the cob and buttered noodles and squash and pizza rolls," they listed off, salivating at the thought of all the food they wanted.

MICHAEL: "Gabriel happened, huh," he chuckled as he watched the magician change back into her original outfit. It seemed Gabe was full of ideas tonight. Michael was proud of Gabriel for his ability to talk Belphegor into training, and Bells for their tactical skill in developing a plan of action. "That was definitely impressive," he complimented them. "You two make quite a fierce team together. You'll have to tell us how you did it when we get home," he smiled. It gave Belphegor an opportunity to feel like they were teaching Michael something new. He surveyed the damage which wasn't too bad all things considering, but they were fortunate that no one was in the building. "That I am," he smiled, leaning forward to place a kiss upon the magician's lips. He watched her magic work as the wall of the warehouse repaired itself once more. His features softened as he watched Zatanna interact with his siblings, always playful and always nurturing. "It sounds like dinner's going to dent our pockets more than I dented the wall," he chuckled. "But in the name of sportsmanship, I think we can make it work. Come along then. The sooner we get to the apartment, the sooner you'll get to eat."

GABRIEL:  Gabe smiled looking at Zatanna glad to see she didn't hold any ill will towards their little attack ruining the last bit of her date but he never knew Zee to get super upset about things like that. "Of course not I'm too handsome and sweet to be anything like the fly" He smiled shaking his head "Ewwwww Zee that's like seeing your parents have sex gross. My innocent image of you is forever tainted" He feigned covering his eyes before nodding his head. "Bells said they wanted payback for all the training Mikey put them through so I thought this was be fun. "Don't you like it Mikey, its just like that Wizard of Oz movie we watched last week!" He replied tp Mike before looking at Bells giving him credit for his part of the plan, after all he was willing to let his sibling shine in front of Zee and Mike without any issue. "We should get that footage so you can show everyone how you took down Michael huh?" He whispered to Bells knowing if anything they'd love that idea as he nodded his head agreeing with the choice the other made "OOOH that's sounds amazing, I also want cherry soda and Chocolate cake for dessert please" He mused pulling Belphegor towards them so they could get to Zatanna's place in record time. "Only you would try and use a dad joke on your girlfriend, Mikey."  

ZATANNA: "I hear aging changes people so find me in a couple centuries and we'll see," she teased Gabe. "If that taints your image of me, you should probably not search my name on the internet anytime soon." The Justice League fan art got a little weird sometimes. She'd seen some things she wanted to unsee. "Very funny, maybe I'll bring that costume back for Halloween," she grinned as her outfit changed back to what she'd worn initially for date night. "I know a guy. He can have the footage to us by morning," she assured them. She would have to explain the footage anyway so she might as well get a copy for herself too. She listened to Gabe and Belphegor make their dinner requests. For beings that didn't need to eat, they certainly enjoyed eating. This was starting to sound like a banquet request. "We better start making the orders now," she replied as she pulled out her phone and started entering them in as they began walking back to her apartment. Date nights somehow never went according to plan, but she didn't mind. The look of pride and content on Michael's face as he walked along side his siblings made up for any lost time she had with him. Slowly but surely, he was rebuilding his family.

BELPHEGOR: It was weird to have everyone complimenting them, but especially Michael. It was already hard enough to wrap their head around the fact that they'd beaten him, but the compliments to the efforts they'd made were shocking. Impressive, he'd said. They wished they could have that on a recording almost as much as they wanted the video footage of the fight. It'd be nice to have around to listen to whenever they felt down about themself. They wondered if they could get Zatanna to go into their memories and pull out a recording of Michael saying that. Definitely impressive. Even the Void couldn't do much against a thought that powerfully positive, and it tried. You could never hope to do anything like that ag-- That was definitely impressive. They smiled brightly. "It actually wasn't that hard," they said proudly. As they started to walk back to Zatanna's place, they started to explain their whole plan, ignoring the fact that Michael had said they could do that when they got to Zatanna's place. "I thought it'd be better to go from the roof because it gave us a better view of you without you seeing us, and I thought I could distract you with a noise from the alley while using that to let Gabe know that you guys were in position, so he could move Zatanna out of the way, so I didn't hit her." Making sure she wasn't hurt had been a priority, not just to avoid Michael getting mad, but because they liked Zatanna. She was nice to them, even if they had had a few dreams about violently murdering her, but who didn't have those about their friends from time to time?

MICHAEL: "And a lovely costume it would be," he grinned back at Gabriel and Zatanna. Belphegor's face seemed to light up with an excited sort of enthusiasm. Michael hadn't seen this much life behind their eyes in quite a long time. Belphegor didn't get praise often, but then again, they didn't really try their hand at a lot of things either. Today, they'd proven they were not only capable of sneaking up on Michael, but that they were capable of being strategic when it came to creating a plan of attack. They were also capable of factoring in the collateral like Zatanna and ensuring that she didn't get hurt. Michael wasn't sure what kind of challenges everyone would face when it came to getting rid of the void, but he knew these skills would be crucial for Belphegor to develop. He hoped that at least some of the lessons stuck with them. "Ah, the rooftops, so that's where you were," he chuckled. "That was a good call. I was expecting you to be somewhere across the street. I'm sure Ms. Zatara here appreciates not having to go down for the count like I did." He rubbed his shoulder as if it was sore from the tumble he'd taken before putting an arm around Zatanna and placing a kiss atop her head just as they arrived at her apartment complex. The magician unlocked the door and the archangel grabbed ahold of it, holding it open for everyone to file in. "I imagine you two have worked up an appetite. The food should be here shortly. Make yourselves at home, but please keep your clothes on tonight," he laughed before shutting the door behind him and following everyone up the stairs. / END

[pocketmosaic]

Who am I and why this blog?

What a good question, I am so glad you asked.  I am a 45 year old, mother of three, who has fibromyalgia, cfs/me and arthritis.  I guess I should also say that I am single as that is usually one of the first questions people ask when you meet them.

My children are aged 26 (yes, I know I was young when I had him), 20 and 18.  My eldest lives in the Midlands (UK) which is where his Dad and his family are, I don’t see him very often but I have been fortunate (in some ways) to have been able to spend 2 months with him this year.  I say fortunate in some ways because the reason he stayed with me for so long was because he was having a bit of a crisis and needed to get away.  Thankfully while he was here he helped me almost, if not more than I helped him.

The younger two live with me in East Anglia (UK), their father (who is a different man to my eldest’s dad) lives 10 minutes away.  My 20 year old is my main carer, he also helps with the 18 year old who has autism and social anxiety.  My 20 year old has been my rock through the years and I don’t believe that I would be sat here today if it hadn’t been for him and his support (and yes I do make sure that he knows that he is a very amazing person, even if he doesn’t always believe it).  Sadly he lost his job in the hospitality industry during the COVID-19 epidemic, as did so many others.  He didn’t work full-time but I do think that it was important for him to have that outlet, where he could make friends and do things that were not related to helping me and his sister.  We are trying to do thinhgs to help him rejoin the working world when the shielding is over.

As I mentioned my daughter has autism and severe social anxiety.  Around Oct 2017 she had total meltdown and refused to go to school, leave the house or even go near a door that was open to the outside.  She was in mainstream school before that, she is very clever and quite talented when it comes to anime drawings.  Sadly we did have quite a few problems with bullying, which the school did try and help with, even getting the police involved when the situation called for it.  Unfortunately, despite my asking for help several times, everything going on in the outside world just became too much for her and she put on the brakes.  We have had a little bit of help and after a lot of hard work on our part we managed to get her to leave the house.  She would go down to the local shop and the chip shop next door (about a 5 minute round trip), and we managed to get a volunteer to come and take her to a cat sanctuary once a week.  Two weeks after she had started doing this the cattery shut its doors to all non-necessary staff and then we went into lockdown mark 1.  Since then she has taken several steps backwards (although she does still do the shop trip if she has to).  I have been trying to encourage her to come out of her room and she refused to speak to me for 8 weeks, she wouldn’t even look at me.  We are now talking but she doesn’t come and search me out as she did before.  I am sure we will be okay and once the pandemic has some solution then we will work again at getting her out there.

I started by telling you about the children because it does tie in with what I am about to say in a few.  I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia and CFS/ME about 15 years ago, gosh that was a long road to get the diagnosis.  It took about 4 more years to get my arthritis diagnosis because whenever I mentioned the pains they automatically put it down to the fibro/ME no matter how hard I tried to convince them that this pain was different.  Thankfully someone eventually listened and that meant that I could learn to do things that could help.  I do have other problems which impact my life slightly less than these, but we could be here a while if I went to deep into that and I am sure you don’t want that lol.

Long story short, I put on a lot of weight (about 6 stone or 84 pounds or 38.1kg), I was struggling to stay awake long enough to cook a meal and so I would just grab easy convenient snacks which we all know are not great substitutes but if I hadn’t done that then I probably wouldn’t have eaten anything.  I also wasn’t moving around anywhere near as much as I used to do, I had always been doing something before and although my diet wasn’t great I was burning up a lot of those calories so while I have never been skinny I wasn’t a big girl,

Up to the present(ish), I have battled with depression and anxiety for a long time, some of it because of how I looked a lot of it because of what I couldn’t do.  I forgot to focus on what I could do, what I did have.  A few weeks ago I went for a short walk by the quay (all my walks are short because it hurts so much and after a short time I struggle to pick up my feet).  I was watching the water, which I find very peaceful, and I saw a branch floating by on the current.  I was taken by an major urge to jump in and float off with it, which I am sure you will be glad to hear I managed to resist.  I thought about just getting into my car and driving until everything and everyone I knew were far behind me.  I felt like they would be better without me in their lives.

Somehow I managed to get back home and I tried to figure out how I had got to this point in my life.  I know I was missing my eldest, I was pleased I had managed to help him out but it had left a big hole when he went back home.  While he was with me we managed to sort out my house and threw away most of the clutter, which was great I felt like things were starting to move the right way.  So why had I spent weeks crying night and day?  I was awful to be around, even the woman who comes in to help me with the things I struggle to do wasn’t able to help with how I was feeling.

I knew I was lonely, although I have two children living at home they spend the majority of the time in their rooms, my daughter was ignoring me (even looking at the wall when she came to a room I was in so she didn’t have to look at me).  Every time I watched the television I would hear stories on how the lockdown had brought families together and how they were doing more as a family.  I couldn’t relate to that at all.  There was also so much talk about how people were keeping in touch over zoom or the like, I hadn’t even had one talk like that.  I don’t have a lot of friends, I am not good at keeping in touch and after you have had to cancel last minute so many times people stop asking you to do things.

I hated the way I looked but I had no clue on how to change it, every time I have tried to do any exercise I have suffered for days afterwards, even having a conversation with someone would leave me drained.  I had managed to lose 3 stone before the first lockdown but, after struggling to get deliveries and when I did it seemed that the things they couldn’t provide were all the healthy options I tried to get, I put back on 2 stone.  My face was starting to show the ravages of time, the worst being the hooded eyes I now have. I have always liked my eyes so it is sad they are not as noticeable as they used to be.

I think I might be coming up to the menopause, my period was over two weeks late at that point (it took another week before it said hello).  Any of you women out there will know that when your period is late it causes your hormones to go out of whack.  Looking back I know that had something to do with how I was feeling.

I remembered something my Dad had told me, “If you can do something about it then do so, if you can’t then all the worrying in the world won’t do anything”.  I decided that I had to try and do something to fix the problem areas I saw in my life.  I couldn’t do much about my hormones, expecially as it is the first time in over a year that it has taken so long which means the doctor wouldn’t do anything.  That meant I just had to let that one sort itself out.

I knew that if I listened to some Toby Keith or Kellie Pickler I always felt better (well Kellie does have two songs which make me cry because they cut so close to home but in a strange way even that makes me feel less alone), so I decided I was going to start listening to them, amongst others, more and if I could I would dance to them, that would at least get me started with moving.  It helped because I did lose 6 pounds in the two weeks leading up to this second lockdown.

Facing another month of lockdown I wanted to do something that would help me and also stop me from worrying about the fact that I couldn’t go for a cuppa with my carer and her partner on a tuesday morning.  So I decided to set myself a challenge.  I want to leave lock down looking better than I did when I entered it.  This meant looking for exercises that I could realisticaly do, I can’t see squats ever being a big part of any exercise routine I ever do.  I found some arm exercises that could be done sitting down, then I learnt about the wall push or standing push-up, I tried it and found that I could manage that so I added that one in.  I also looked at loads of videos for slimming down the stomach, the one exercise they all included was the plank.  Now I didn’t think I would be able to manage that, especially getting down and back up again, but I am pretty stubborn so I figured that I would try it.  The first time I thought I was going to die by the fifth second but I managed it and I am now going to try and do it as often as I can, after all no-one is about to see the crazy ways I have to use to pick myself up afterwards.

I also decided that I needed to lay down some house rules.  I drew up contracts for the two children who live with me (by drew up I mean I found some templates online and adapted them to suit).  Part of the contract stipulates that they need to spend some time with me while they are both home full-time.  That has stopped me from feeling so isolated even though they are here.  I have been making plans on what I want to do when the world returns to some sort of normality.  My life has basically been on hold for the past 15 years, I don’t even know how that happened, but it did and I am determined that I am going to put myself out there when I can (I might change my mind later, but at least for now it is giving me something positive to look forward to).

I had always said that when my youngest reached 18 (which happened during the first lockdown) I was going to start travelling.  This is definitely something I plan to keep to when travel plans can be a little more stable.  I used to be an active member of the theatre when I was in the Midlands but I didn’t even know we had one here until last lock down.  I want to look into joining them and doing some theatre stuff, that was the job I always wanted a far cry from what I ended up doing which was mechanical engineering.  I have a couple more things in the “to-do” bank but they are just the ones I am going to mention for now.

I don’t want to get back to that place where I want to disappear, to keep me on track I started this blog.  I want a record of where I started and how I am progressing, and it kinda gives me some sort of accountability.  It also makes me write something every day which is going to help me with another dream.  That, however, is a story for another time.

Take care and believe in yourself, you CAN do it, whatever IT may be.

[malakhai-ozera]

Insatiable Collision   || Khoman 💔

Discord thread featuring: Khai and Roman @romanbeckett

When:  December 28th 2020

Mentions: Quentin & Aaron @aaronhart93

Description: Khai and Roman talk about about whats been going on between them. Khai finally admits he needs help and Roman confesses he has fallen in love with someone else. 😭

Trigger Warnings: Major whacks with the pain stick!!

Khai. Things between Roman and Khai  had been so tense lately. Ever since their little lovers quarrel and finding out they had to move away from each other. Things just seemed to be so awkward for them. Of course they both still loved one another, and they feared loosing what they had between them. But with Khai’s current drug addiction, and Roman’s constant state of worrying about him. It was hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Khai never wanted this for Roman. It was never his intention to put such a heavy weight on his boyfriends shoulders. He knew he was the cause of all this tension and he so desperately wanted to fix it. He couldn’t bare knowing that he was the reason Roman was falling into a deep depression. All he ever wanted for his best friend was to make him happy and give him the love that he deserves. Now, sitting across from him at the dinning room table. He could feel the intensity of all his mistakes. He had to do this, he had to make this right. Not only for his sake but for Roman’s as well. It was time to let go, and even though just the thought of doing that hurt so damn bad. He knew it was the best thing for the both of them. He needed to get help, and admitting that he couldn’t do that on his own was eating him up inside. “So... I know things have been kinda tense between us... Awkward even. But...” he reached across the table to take his boyfriends hand in his own as he nervously licked his lips. “I know it’s my fault. I take full responsibility. I think we’ve been needing to talk about this for a while now, and I’m so sorry I’ve been pushing it off. I’m just... I never wanted to hurt you Roman. This is just really hard for me. I think I need help” he finally admitted out loud. His eyes glossing over as he gazed across his home cooked meal into his boyfriends eyes. “I can’t keep doing this to you. You deserve so much better.”

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ Had Roman known that things between him and Khai were changing? He’d be stupid not to. It was something obvious that hung in the air like a dark cloud, a pending heartbreak that neither one of them wanted to admit out loud. So, when Khai reached for him across the table, Roman knew exactly what was going to say. Still, being prepared didn’t make it sting any less, loving someone else didn’t either. Regardless of what they were both going through, at the end of the day, this was his best friend, and the first person he’d ever loved. He’d be dead inside not to feel something. His gaze shifted from Khai’s intense hazel eyes when he admitted that Ro deserved better, something he wasn’t sure he believed, but it wasn’t going to change the outcome of this conversation. “Are you breaking up with me then?” He asked, staring down at his food that now just made his stomach turn.

Khai. The pain on Roman’s face was clear as day. He would have to be blind not to see it, and right now he kinda wished he was. Not that being blind would actually make this any easier. Roman was displaying a sheer reflection of exactly how he was feeling inside as well. He hated this so much, and he wished he could just simply erase everything bad that had happened and start over. “I...” he chocked out and then got up from his seat. Placing his napkin onto the table before making his way over to his boyfriend and kneeling down beside him. “Listen. This isn’t what I really want, okay?” He tried to keep his voice from shaking. But the lack of drugs in his system and the overwhelming emotions were truly making that hard. “I just don’t want to hurt you anymore, Roman. I fucked up, and I hate admitting that.  But I really hate hurting you even more. It’s like... I made one stupid decision after another and I really don’t know how to fix it.” He looked down at their still joined hands and felt a single tear stream down his cheek. “It wasn’t supposed to be like this” his voice shook. “I don’t know why I thought I could handle this and still... “ he stopped talking and brought his free hand up to wipe the tears from his cheeks. Clearing his throat and trying to get a grasp on himself before speaking again. “You mean the world to me, Roman. You deserve someone who can put you before everything else, and love you despite their own addictions. I’m not saying I don’t love you, or that I’m not in love with you. I’m just trying to say, I love you enough to know I’m hurting you and to let go. I need help, and I don’t expect you to sit here and be miserable while I do that. We don’t need to be boyfriends to know how much we love each other. I’m always going to love you no matter what. You’re my best friend. My soul mate.” It took everything in him to get those words out and by the end he was practically sobbing. This hurt so much and he so badly wanted to change his mind. But he knew he couldn’t do that. Not if he wanted to salvage anything they had left.

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ Roman was finding it hard to keep his emotions in check as Khai got up, and crouched down at his side. This beautiful man, so beautiful inside out, even despite his flaws, could make Roman feel so many things at once, all the fucking time. Their relationship had been nothing but a rollercoaster during its short span, but all the actor could really see now was his best friend who was hurting. He was being honest, something Roman had been struggling so hard to be. He had to respect that. “Khai.” The taller lifted a hand to cup his lover’s cheek, thumb running along the soft skin just below his eye as he too felt his eyes begin to water. “I’m glad you’re getting help. My main concern this whole time has been you, and your health. As long as you’re focusing on that, I’m okay.” Both of his hands were now at Khai’s jaw, thumbs trying to catch his tears as they fell. “I love you. I’m always gonna love you, and be here for you. I understand...and I’m not upset with you. Okay?” His breath shuttered as his watery green eyes were darting over Khai’s face. “I’m proud of you actually. Really fucking proud.”

Khai. Somehow even in the midst of all this, Roman was still able to carry him. He knew he was breaking his best friends heart, but here he was trying to comfort him. He leaned his head into Roman’s touch and closed his eyes as his tears continued to flow. His hands moving to hold desperately onto his friends wrists as he took a deep shaky breath. Opening  his eyes once again as he looked deep into Roman’s teary orbs. “I know” he nodded. “...and I hate that I put you through any of this. I never meant to” he choked out. His thumbs rubbing the back of Romans hands as he tried to keep himself from crying any more. “I love you too. I love you so fucking much... and I’m so sorry. So so sorry.” He moved closer to his best friend and wrapped his arms around him. Holding onto him like it was the last chance he would ever get as he nuzzled his face into his chest to breath him in. “I don’t deserve you. But thank you” he whispered. Turning his head look up at his friend once more before forcing a soft smile. “I promise. I’m gonna get better and I’m still gonna marry you one day.”

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ Roman hated seeing Khai cry. It was probably the worst feeling he’d ever experienced. That sounded dramatic, but like...Roman Beckett was really damn dramatic. There was no shock there. However, when Khai mentioned that he was still going to marry him one day, Roman pulled his hands back just for a moment. Guilt. That was what he felt more than anything else, because he didn’t know if he’d be able to give that wish to Khai. He was in love with Quentin, and on top of that, he also had feelings for Aaron. He’d really gotten himself in a huge cluster fuck. “You don’t wanna marry me.” The actor heard himself say, as if he was hovering above his own body in the moment, watching this whole thing go down without any control over what happened.

Khai. The smile Khai felt becoming more real than forced was quickly wiped away when Roman pulled back. A state of confusion falling over him as he looked up at his best friend. “What? Of course I do” he said a blindsided. Why would Roman say that? Did he really think he didn’t want to? “I love you, Roman. Why wouldn’t I wanna marry you?” He wasn’t sure what was happening right now. But the look on Roman’s face was making him feel like maybe he fucked up more than he thought.

Roman. Roman shook his head, feeling the bile come up the back of his throat as his stomach seemed to be doing fucking acrobats. Why couldn’t this just be easy? Why couldn’t he let Khai break up with him without making it five times more complicated. Roman usually was so much better at conversing than this, seriously, he was disappointed in himself. “Khai I’m not as perfect and innocent here as you think. This isn’t all your fault.” Roman sucked in a deep breath before shaking his head, and closing his eyes. “Listen jus’ — focus on getting better, and I’ll be here every step of the way. Promise me you won’t give up on getting help, no matter how hard it gets. Okay? That’s all I want.”

Khai. These two definitely never made anything easy. Maybe that’s why they hit it off so well in the first place. They brought out a side of each other that no one else ever could.  It was because of that deep connection that Khai knew Roman was holding something back. “Roman... I never said you were innocent. But you are perfect to me. Even with your flaws. They don’t matter. We all fuck up.” He pulled back himself and got to his feet as he stood beside his now ex boyfriend. Just looking down at him for a moment as his mind ran through all the possibilities of what could be going on here. “I won’t give up. I promise. I don’t even know who I am anymore and I really do wanna be better. Not just for you but for me too” he assured. His hand reaching out to caress Roman’s cheek as he continued to just kinda stare at him. “You fell in love with someone else didn’t you?” he asked calmly. It wasn’t even like he could really be mad about it. He was doing god knows what with god knows who while completely oblivious. Could he really expect Roman not to turn to someone else?

Roman. Roman kept his eyes closed while Khai stood and questioned him, ultimately letting a few more tears roll down his cheeks, and onto his lap. That loaded question, one that was weighing on him heavy enough to feel like it was crushing his chest, making it impossible to breathe. It was a lot, and something he didn’t honestly want to answer. His heart was racing, mind going numb from all of the overwhelmingly fast thoughts now forming in his mind. He didn’t want to hurt Khai. Ever. But, he’d been so honest with Roman, the least he could do is be transparent with him in return. “Yes. I fell in love with someone else.” The barista confirmed, choosing to look down at his lap as soon as his eyes opened, instead of face whatever expression was currently flashing across Khai’s face. “I didn’t mean to, I jus’...it happened, and I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry.” The man put his head in his hands, crying now more freely as everything hit him. He’d been trying to run from reality for so long, he was bound to take a long fall.

Khai. When Roman finally answered him, it did hurt. He could feel the knife being pushed into his heart and turning slowly. Roman couldn’t even look at him. He couldn’t blame him. That took a lot for him to admit, even Khai knew that. Roman wasn’t the type of person who would just run around purposely hurting people. So he knew his best friend really meant it when he said he didn’t mean to. “Babe...” he breathed out softly. Grabbing the back of Roman’s chair and pulling him back a bit from the table. He straddled himself over his lap and placed his hands over top of his to pull them from his face. “It’s okay. It sucks, yeah. But it’s okay. We both... we fucked up. Maybe we rushed into this. I don’t know. But what I do know, is I still love you. I’m always gonna love you. I just want you to happy. I wish so much it could have been me. But you always have me. Don’t cry. I promise it’s okay. I’m not mad.” He pulled Roman into his arms and just held him against his chest. Raking his fingers softly through his hair as he tried to comfort him. “Remember what I said? We don’t have to be boyfriends to know we love each other.. and you never know what the future might hold. Either way. You’re stuck with me for life.”

Roman. Roman didn’t expect Khai to be so understanding, to try and comfort him in a way he knew he didn’t deserve. Maybe he was right, they probably did rush into this, but he didn’t change how he felt about the smaller male. This was his first love, the first person to ever have his heart, and to bring him out of his shell enough to even attempt a relationship. He trusted Khai so fucking much, and that’s why it was so hard to let him go. “Trust me. I’m not complaining.” Roman managed to respond as he wrapped his arms around his friend, and pressed a cheek to his chest. “I love you, Khai. Always.” He whispered, voice hoarse from emotion as he squeezed his eyes shut once again to let out the last of his tears.

[xxgoblin-dumplingxx]

The Matchmaker: Sixteen

Sunlight made the dust motes shine like glitter, drifting lazily on the breeze as you curled up in your favorite chair with a book. It was summer break and with no classes to teach and Bucky away on a mission you found yourself with an abundance of free time. 

You spent time with Rebecca, having her as an overnight guest often. Steve, Sam, Nat and other Avengers dropped by. To eat. To chat. To pick your brain... whatever the reason, you appreciated the company. The house was too big without Bucky rattling around in the other rooms. 

He was always tinkering. Adjusting. Planning. Having a house and a wife had seemed like such an impossible thing for so long that now that he had them, he was ecstatic. Always quick to do whatever little home repairs. Always thrilled to pamper you within an inch of your life.

You supposed, laying aside your book with a stretch that you should probably get up. You haven’t been on a run in a few days. Perhaps it’s the weather. The warm spring air making you feel lazy. Fatigue from the frantic last week of classes. But you feel leaden and heavy. Simple things leave you tired or slightly confounded. Part of it, you acknowledge could be some depression. 

Bucky’s been away for a few weeks now. Almost Three full weeks. You’ve counted. Over and over. You miss him. 

You really did try and get up. But the soft breeze, the comfortable chair, and the snuggly blanket prove especially soporific. You were asleep before you could even grab on to the thought that you needed to start dinner.

_________

Bucky dropped his gear next to the door and sighed. It had been a long mission. Mostly dull. He’d been sniping HYDRA agents which. while satisfying, wasn’t anything close to being at home. 

“Y/N?” he called, “You home?” When there was no answer, he shrugged. You might be out and about. He wandered through the house, basking in the quiet and the smell. Fresh bread and coffee. A lingering smell of your perfume. Laundry detergent. It was so different from any place he ever lived before but it smelled so good. He dreamed about this smell while he was away. About as often as he dreamed about being between your thighs. 

He stopped in the door of the front room, the weight of the mission dropping from his shoulders as he watched you sleep. You were curled in the Bamboo swivel chair, snuggled into the thick cushion, fast asleep. “Oh, Sweetheart,” he murmured softly. He smiled tenderly and toed off his shoes to pad quietly across the floor. He knelt slowly and leaned down, kissing your nose. His hair tickling your cheeks made you stir.

“Bucky?” you say groggily, smiling up at him, “You’re home.”

“My very own sleeping Beauty,” he teases gently, “I’m a lucky man.” Your cheeks color and you struggle to sit up, “I’m sorry... I meant to make sure there was food for you. Like a pie and stuff... Nat or someone was supposed to text me.”

“It’s okay,” he soothes, kissing you again, “Shhh, you were sleeping real good when I came in, baby. You probably needed it... You look like you still need it.”

He cups your cheek softly and frowns, “You feel okay, Princess? You look a little pale.” 

You nod, “Just kinda... groggy,” you tell him, “The last couple weeks of the semester were stressful.” He brushes his thumb over your cheekbone and smiles, “Then how about if we just order pizza. We’ll eat a little bit and then I’ll run us a bath.” 

“I should be taking care of you,” you murmur, turning your head to kiss his hand, “You just got home.” 

“Bah,” he said, “I’m fine, Princess. Nothing exciting happened. I just got to snipe some Nazis and cover Clint’s ass while he tried to cover Scott’s.” He smiled and tucked the blanket around you sweetly, “It’s good to be home, even without apple pie.” He pets your hair and stand slowly, “I’m gonna go get comfortable,” he said softly, “after that I’ll order us some food okay?” 

You nod wordlessly and stretch, trying to get going. Trying to get up, be a good wife and go help him. But you were asleep again before he could get back downstairs. Not sleeping hard, but drifting. Stuck in a hazy twilight state. Bucky paused at the doorway and frowned. 

You never slept like this, struggling so hard to stay awake. He picked up his phone and ordered pizza. Making sure that he also ordered a nice dessert. Something sweet might make you feel better. At the very least, he would enjoy a sweet thing. Now that he knew he’d almost gotten apple pie. 

He also made you an appointment for a check-up. He knew you’d go if he made you but he also knew you’d never make one yourself. Not if you could avoid it. You had a weird aversion to doctors that seemed to stem from growing up without insurance. You didn’t go unless it was imperative. It could be cute if it wasn’t so frustrating. 

When the pizza got there, he got plates and quietly bustled around laying things on the table trying not to wake you up. He started a movie for you, a comfort film that you could watch without having to think. “Baby,” he hums, shaking you awake tenderly, “rise and shine. There’s food. You hungry?” 

You stir a little and struggle to sit up, rubbing your eyes. He helps you up gently and settles you on the sofa, putting a plate with a slice of pizza on it into your hands. 

He knows you and he knows better than to put more than a little on your plate at a time. You’re a picker. You eat. But it’s usually very slowly. With very few exceptions you just don’t eat much at one time. If you aren’t feeling well, you’ll eat even less.

It doesn’t take long for him to find out that he was right. You take a few bites of pizza and a few bites of a brownie before pushing it away with a soft noise, curling up again, putting your head on his lap. Bucky sighs, “Sweetheart,” he murmured, “We’re taking you to get checked out tomorrow. I don’t like this.”

“I’m fine,” you protest yawning, “I’m just a little run down.”

Bucky pets your hair, “Humor me,” he murmurs, “Please, Princess? It might be some anemia. Or some vitamin being low.” 

You nod, “Fine,” you murmur, “but you have to hold my hand if they draw blood.” The former Assassin chuckled and set his plate aside, finally full. “I can do that,” he murmured, “if it means it’ll get you into the doctor’s office.”

_____________

In the morning you look a little better. A little more alert after a night with Bucky. He’d groused about being a teddy bear. About how he was a grown man and you had a ton of stuffies you could cuddle to death, but you knew it was just bluster. He didn’t mind being your giant teddy bear. A husband shaped body pillow. In fact, he rather enjoyed it. He knew you were safe if you were asleep on his chest. 

But, in the harsh light of the exam room, you were still pale. Pale and moving slow. It was enough to worry him a little. Still, you were up. And dressed. Clean. That was something. 

The nurse took your vitals, quick, efficient hands and cheerful demeanor. Bucky liked her. She told you the doctor would be in to see you soon and let herself out. 

It was still early and didn’t take long for a woman with sharp hazel eyes and grey hair tied into a bun to let herself in. “Did you come in of your own accord or did someone force you, Y/N?” she asked fondly. 

“I was coerced,” you snort, “Bucky’s worried about my... I guess it’s fatigue... I’m fine once I get on my feet and get going but getting going is the tricky part.”

She nods and makes a note on your chart before going to feel along your neck. Bucky clears his throat, “I’m not sure how long she was asleep before I got home yesterday but... She fell asleep for the might around 7:30 and didn’t get up this morning until 8am.” 

The doctor nods and frowns a little, “How long have you had this level of fatigue?” she asks. You shrug, “Really just the last couple weeks... I figured it was just the school year wrapping up, you know?” 

She nods, “That could be it,” she acknowledged. She made a note and glanced at your chart again, “Your birth control prescription's run out, I can write you another while you’re here unless you need something changed.” 

“I haven’t been taking it,” you admit, cheeks coloring. She nods, “In that case, I do want blood work done,” she said, matter of factly, “Just to make sure we cover our bases. How long has it been since your last period?”

You pause for a second, thinking, “I’m not sure... Stress tends to throw them out of whack.” She nods, “Well,” she said noting that in your chart too, “the nurse will be in, in just a second. We’ll run some tests and get back to you.” 

She shakes your hand and then Bucky’s before picking up your chart and stepping into the hall and having a quiet word with a nurse.

Before long, Bucky is letting you hide your face in his neck, murmuring soothing things as you’re getting blood drawn. You’re dizzy and sick feeling, even if you can’t see the blood leaving your body. He kisses your head and helps you sit up straight again when they’ve got what they need and helps you into your jacket. 

“Come on, beautiful,” he says, “Let’s get you out and moving around a little... There’s a little book shop we haven’t visited yet.” 

You nod, “You know how to show a girl a good time, don’t you?” you tease.

He grins, “Just my best girl,” he answers, “Come on, ya nerd. Let’s find you something in a dead language to read.” 

“I never took a girl on a date to look at prototypes of flying cars,” you shoot back, “Pretty sure you’re the nerd.”

He gasps and pretends to be offended as he escorts you out, “Moi?” he says, “You got me all wrong, doll. I’m 100% pure American Beefcake. No nerdery here. I’m too badass.”

You snort, “Sure, baby.” You stand on your toes and kiss his jaw fondly. 

___________

Bucky is happy to ply you with books and treats. Happy to see you really do perk up just a little as the day goes on and you get moving a little. Even if you do still feel “like a sloth running through syrup.” Currently, he’s idly stroking the feet that are resting in his lap and watching Heathers.

He’s gotten tired of not understanding the pop culture references that fly between you and Natasha. It’s a decent movie. He likes it well enough. But it doesn’t quite distract him from the worry that’s burrowed in the back of his mind.

 What if you’re sick? Really sick. He doesn’t think he could handle having you snatched away. In his head, he saw terrible things. Watched you snatched out of his arms a thousand different ways. It hurt. You’ve dozed off again, cozy on the couch, book against your chest. 

In a way, that’s comforting. The doctor wasn’t worried. You were probably fine. It was probably just vitamins or hormones. He tucked you in and kissed your head tenderly. He took a deep breath to quell the anxiety and sighed. If you were sick he’d take care of you. You’d get the best medical care and it would all be fine, he decided. 

When your phone rang, he glanced down at it. It was the Doctors office. He didn’t want to wake you up but he wanted to know. 

He picked up the phone and answered it, “Hello?”

“Hi,” the cheerful nurse from early replied as Bucky walked into the kitchen so he could talk and let you sleep, “Is Mrs. Barnes available?”

“Oh, uh. This is her husband,” he said. “I see,” she said. He heard keys tapping and folded his arm across his chest, waiting. “Oh!” she said cheerfully, “She does have a release on file for you... Well just let her know, her vitamin D levels are a little low so we’ve got a prescription for her at the pharmacy. Also, Congratulations!” she said hitting keys, “It looks like Y/N’s pregnant.”

Bucky almost dropped the phone, “I- thank you,” he stammered, “I’ll let her know.” The nurse laughed gently, “As soon as you can think, make sure you tell her to get in touch with us. We’ll get her set up for appointments... I thought you knew already or I would have lead with that.”

Bucky thanked her, feeling a little light-headed as he put the phone down. He gripped the counter and fought the urge to laugh. 

“Was that the Doctor’s office?” your soft voice behind him makes him turn and he melts. You’re wrapped up in your blanket and rubbing your eyes, trying to get you’re bearings. “Yeah,” he said grinning.

“Am I dying?” you tease. 

He feels tears well up and he pulls you against him gently, kissing the top of your head, “No,” he laughed. He took a deep breath and tilted your chin up, “You’re having a baby,” he said a little breathless. 

Your arms around his neck and your lips against his are the only answer he needs. You’re both crying as he lifts you up to set you on the counter, cradling your face in his hands. “You’re so fucking beautiful,” he said. “Jesus Christ, Princess, I was so scared.”

He hugs you to him, chuckling as you wrap your legs around his waist. “I love you,” you tell him, “I’m not going anywhere.”

He kisses you slowly and smiles, “Promise?”

You nod and brush hair out of his eyes, “I promise,” you tell him, wiping tears off his cheeks. 

He scoops you up gently and carries you up the stairs, “Where are we going?” you ask. 

“Upstairs,” he answers, “If I don’t get to kiss every inch of you, now, I’m gonna lose it.” You giggle even as you blush and smudge a kiss against his cheek. “If you ask nicely,” he teased, “I might even run you a bath.” 

“Only if you join me,” you tell him, pouting. 

He laughed and laid you on the bed, pulling off his t-shirt before sprawling out next to you, “Anything you want, sweetheart.”

You card your fingers through his hair as he nuzzled into your belly and smudged soft hungry kisses against the skin he’s exposing. You lounge against the pillows and sigh, “Does this mean if I ask you’ll let me have a puppy?”

He pinches your hip making you giggle and smiles, “God, you’re such a brat... but if I say yes, do I get to name it?”

“They baby or the dog?” you snort.

“Either. Yes?” he answered.

“You can pick names for the dog but I reserve the right to veto them if I hate it,” he said. 

“That’s fair,” Bucky said, easing your leggings over your hips, “I’ve met me.”

Tags: @lancsnerd​ @stevieang​ @golddaggers​ @blameitonthecauseway @qxeen-of-hearts​ @process-pending​ @xmarveled​ @beautybyfire, @etherealwaifgoddess, @mschellehitt, @mistressoftorture @thorfanficwriter, @ctinadiva, @innerpaperexpertcloud @amalthea9  @cdwmtjb8 @notyourtypicalrose

[blackidyll]

It's been a long while since I've been on Tumblr, but here I am, trying to get back into my usual rhythm of life. Mainly: I'm alive, but I'm really, really tired.

The end of 2019/beginning of 2020 has been really insane. I fell sick for most of December - the whole cough/cold/sore throat trifecta that got so bad I finally ended up on antibiotics on New Year's Eve. I actually took two weeks of leave in December, but I was so sick and busy during this time that I basically got no rest whatsoever, and when I got back to work in January it was to drop straight into an absolute tsunami of work - one huge project ended the day before Chinese New Year, and immediately after CNY holidays I had another huge executive event to prepare for (I was working over weekends), and when that ended last week I got YET ANOTHER project dumped on me. Covid19 and the political situation in my home country is also taking its toll. I feel like the past two months has been an absolute blur - mostly of stress and negativity.

I'm so tired, you all.

Anyway, I'm trying hard now to pull back and strike a balance between work and having down proper time. I owe quite a few of you replies to messages and chats, and TBH there's like 60+ comments in my AO3 inbox that I haven't had a chance to respond to. I'm going to try hard over the next few weeks to get to all of them. I really appreciate every message and comment I get, because they constantly remind me there's still people and the entire world out there, when sometimes it's so easy to get caught up in my head with all my stresses and worries and the day-to-day grind.

I'm going to go throw a bunch of things in my queue to get this place kickstarted again, but in the meantime - have some fic recs. I've been reading a lot of fic to keep afloat the past three months; these are the WIPs I'm following at the moment. I'm completely out of creativity so my own fics will have to wait, but it always gives me a boost when I see some love for my WIPs, so if any of these appeal to you, give them a read and drop some love to those authors too.

The Bureau Files series by Catsafari [The Cat Returns, episodic/case style canon-based sequel; Baron/Haru]

i kill giants by diasterisms [Star Wars new trilogy; canon-based sequel to The Rise of Skywalker; Rey/Ben]

Ragnarǫkr, Part 3 of the Sharingan Rising series by weialala [Naruto; canon-divergence with supernatural elements; Sasuke-centric, technically Sasuke/Naruto but is more Sasuke's relations with everyone]

Peripeteia, Part 4 of the Carry Your Heart verse by mondaze [Shingeki no Kyojin; canon-based A/B/O verse, eventually diverges at the retake Shinganshina arc because Erwin lives (\o/); Erwin/Levi]

Just Another Day by Tierfal [Fullmetal Alchemist; post-manga series, Roy has severe PTSD; pre-relationship Roy/Ed]

try something new by gdgdbaby [Nezha (2019); post-movie oneshot where the two have grown up and gotten their bodies back; Nezha/Aobing]

WIPs that haven't been updated recently but since I'm on a roll, you all should read them:

Nukume Dori by Leareth [Tokyo Babylon, X/1999; canon-divergence, kind-of time travel with X!Subaru falling back into the TB!timeline with all his memories intact; Subaru/Seishirou, a lot of trio interactions with Hokuto] 

boy with a coin, Part 5 of the signal to noise series by twigcollins [The World Ends With You; post-game sequels exploring the consequences of Neku winning the long game and Joshua deciding to bring him back to life; Joshua/Neku]

(more info and my comments on each fic under the cut, because they get long)

The Bureau Files series by Catsafari [The Cat Returns, episodic/case style canon-based sequel; Baron/Haru]

I've been (re)watching Studio Ghibli movies on the weekends and I fell completely in love with The Cat Returns (I love Whisper of the Heart but I missed this movie somehow?). This wonderful sequel fic series focuses on an adult Haru that becomes a full-fledge member of the Cat Bureau and goes on plenty of adventures with the Bureau crew. It's also 500K words (!!!) of delicious slow slow slow SLOW burn between Baron and Haru. I just found out the author will be posting the next installation in the series this month, so you know. Perfect time to read the existing content and then follow the author's weekly updates for more of this amazing series.

i kill giants by diasterisms [Star Wars new trilogy; canon-based sequel to The Rise of Skywalker; Rey/Ben]

Yes, I'm a Reylo fan. I find the grey dynamics between Rey and a vaguely redeemed Ben Solo fascinating. I think it's because I was such a huge Luke and Mara Jade shipper from the Legends days. Anyway, I'd recommend pretty much all of diasterisms's Reylo fics (they nail the characterization + growth arcs incredibly) but this WIP in particular is a direct TROS sequel, which is great for all us fans who were very WTF about the way TROS ended. Also - lots of Force ghosts :D

Ragnarǫkr, Part 2 of the Sharingan Rising series by weialala [Naruto; canon-divergence with supernatural elements; Sasuke-centric, technically Sasuke/Naruto but is more Sasuke's relations with everyone]

I think my bookmark gushes enough about this series (and the previous installment) that I don't need to rehash it here. But anyway, this sequel is flipping amazing. The world building is so incredible omg. The wait between chapters is very long but so very worth it.

Peripeteia, Part 4 of the Carry Your Heart verse by mondaze [Shingeki no Kyojin; canon-based A/B/O verse, eventually diverges at the retake Shinganshina arc because Erwin lives (\o/); Erwin/Levi]

I'm usually very, very particular about my A/B/O verses (the concept squicks me a little but some writers subvert the trope and those are amazing) and this is a really great take on the trope - Erwin and Levi bond first out of necessity and then have to rebuild/realize a romantic relationship out of it later; they're already such strong friends and incredible partners that the bond actually throws them out of whack initially lol. But the evolution of their relationship is so well written, and the sub-plot about Levi being targeted is also great. Anyway, in this particular sequel goes back to the canon-timeline; Erwin survives the Beast Titan charge, everyone finds out about Marley, and the Survey Corps goes on a mission to make contact with the outside world. I don't actually follow the manga but I know enough that this sequel is really intriguing me. Also, Erwin lives. Thank goodness Erwin lives.

Just Another Day by Tierfal [Fullmetal Alchemist; post-manga series, Roy has severe PTSD; pre-relationship Roy/Ed]

Everything Tierfal writes is golden, but this one. Oh man, this one. It gets dark, and sometimes that's bad if you're already stressed (your mood doesn't need more depressing things to drag it down) but sometimes... you also want to indulge in it, because when you see a character go through hard and traumatic times and make it out the other side, it gives you hope too, you know? Anyway, right now at chapter 2, it's all trauma and pain for Roy, so take caution while reading this fic, but......... Ed. Oh my goodness, Ed. He tries so hard. He doesn't give up. This fic reminds me a bit of But Not Buried This Time, where Ed is the one drowning in his guilt... I remember thinking while reading that fic, "goodness, everyone needs a Roy like this in their life." Well, for this fic? I just keep thinking, "goodness, everyone needs an Ed like this in their life."

try something new [Nezha (2019); post-movie oneshot where the two have grown up and gotten their bodies back; Nezha/Aobing]

not a WIP but what the hell. So this version of Nezha is hell of a lot different from the Nezha I remember of my childhood (in that....... Nezha 100% kills Aobing lol and I remember being very conflicted because I love dragons and Nezha kills a lot of them, but at the same time deity!Nezha is pretty badass?). So anyway, someone with creative control DEFINITELY has shipper glasses on when they made this movie, I cannot get over how adorable Nezha and Aobing are. I really enjoyed this movie, it was so over the top and funny. And they made Nezha and Aobing literal soulmates? This fic is cute and adorable because it's Nezha and Aobing traveling and helping the world after they grow up and regain their bodies, and it's just tons of adorable teenage(?) confusion where they're hovering on the edge of friendship and something more. THEY ARE SO ENDEARING I love them!!

Nukume Dori by Leareth [Tokyo Babylon, X/1999; canon-divergence, kind-of time travel with X!Subaru falling back into the TB!timeline with all his memories intact; Subaru/Seishirou, a lot of trio interactions with Hokuto]

Instead of dying on the Promised Day, 25-year-old Dragon of Heaven Subaru wakes up in his 16-year-old body during the Tokyo Babylon timeline. Having seen what the future holds, he decides to continue with his original Bet with Seishirou - this time fighting to win. In the latest installment, we go pass the TB timeline into the years before 1999 and the changes that the divergence makes is just absolutely fascinating, plus we start seeing more of the X/1999 cast, whom I love and adore.

boy with a coin, Part 5 of the signal to noise series by twigcollins [The World Ends With You; post-game sequels exploring the consequences of Neku winning the long game and Joshua deciding to bring him back to life; Joshua/Neku]

I love Joshua so so much but he digs his own bed willingly and he lies in it with all the broken pride he can muster. He's very much the master of forfeiting the game before he can lose, except this time it's Neku standing beside him, and Neku is very, very stubborn. Trust your bloody partner, Joshua (I say, with all the love in my heart for this Joshua and this poor beleaguered but incredibly stubborn Neku and the all the game mechanics and worldbuilding in this series). Also, the latest cliffhanger is killing me but I'm ready to see Joshua go absolutely feral on anyone who would dare touch his city and his partner.  

[alindakb]

Letters to my Parents - Monday 16 November 1992 - by Alinda

Monday 16 November 1992

Dear mom and dad,

Things have gone from bad to worse. It seems everyone thinks I’m the heir of Slytherin. There’s this boy in Hufflepuff named Justin, he ran away from me one day when I wanted to great him in the library. And Ron and Neville don’t want to be seen with me either. None of the Gryffindors wants to by the way. I’m not allowed to eat at their table anymore. I tried to explain that it wasn’t me, but nobody seems to want to listen. Only Hermione and Blaise still hang out with me, and the girl Blaise has been hanging out with. Her name is Luna and she’s a bit crazy, but I like her. She doesn’t seem to care about what happened at all.

Hermione has been reading a lot the last two weeks. She feels stupid that she didn’t bring her copy of Hogwarts, A History, because all the copies of the library had been taken out by other students. She wants to read up on the legend of the Chamber of Secrets. She even asked about it in our History of Magic class last Wednesday. It was a nice distraction during the boring class. Professor Binns just talks in his flat drone like an old vacuum cleaner until nearly everyone in the class is in a deep stupor. It was my favourite class at the end of last year because it was the one where Draco would play with my hand all class. And now the only thing I can do is daydream about how amazing that felt and how much I want it back. But he’s sitting with Pansy now. I think they are dating. That’s what everyone has been saying at least.

But like I was saying, Hermione disturbed the History of Magic class last Wednesday. Professor Binns was droning on about the International Warlock Convention of 1289 when she put up her hand and just asked point blank if the professor could tell us anything about the Chamber of Secrets. Well, that woke up everyone in the class. Professor Binns told us about the founders of the school and how Salazar Slytherin wanted to be more selective about the students who they would admit to Hogwarts. He believed that magical learning should be kept within all-magic families. It turned into this big argument between Slytherin and Gryffindor and Slytherin left the school. And the legend goes that Slytherin had built a hidden chamber in the castle, of which the other founders knew nothing, that could only be opened by his own true heir to unleash the horror within, to purge the school of all who were unworthy to study magic.

Everyone was very excited to learn more about this Chamber, but professor Binns said it was all nonsense. That the school had been searched and that no such chamber excited. I didn’t really listen to all the questions the other students threw at professor Binns. I was more worried about Draco’s pale face. He had been looking out the window since the chamber had been brought up. The whole subject made him feel uncomfortable and that worries me. What if he knows something about all this? What if he’s the one who wrote that message on the wall and petrified Mrs Norris? Would Draco really be capable of doing that?

And then this Friday Hermione was crying during breakfast. She was sitting far away from Ron and he kept giving her dirty looks. As soon as she left the Great Hall I followed her. I asked her what was wrong. She just shook her head, grabbed my arm and pulled me up the stairs. We walked a little until we reached the wall with the writing about the chamber on it. Filch still hasn’t found a way to get it off. Hermione pushed open the door to the girl's bathroom and pulled me inside. It was the gloomiest, most depressing bathroom I’ve ever set foot in. Hermione walked into one of the stalls and set down on the toilet seat. Before I could even ask her again what was going on, Moaning Myrtle floated towards me and told me that this was a girls bathroom and that I was not a girl. I told her that I was just there to help my friend. Myrtle took one look at Hermione and asked if she wanted to kill herself. And then she went on that she wanted to kill herself last Halloween after Peeves had been mean to her, but that she remembered that she was already dead. She let out a tragic sob and then dived into the toilet, splashing water all over the place. I could still hear her sobbing from the u-bend.

Hermione had calmed down a little by then and she was able to tell what had upset her so much. It seems that last night she and Ron had a fight. Ron doesn’t want her to be friends with me anymore. And when Hermione told him no, he broke up with her. I know they had also already been fighting on Wednesday, after class. Ron had said something bad about Slytherin and Hermione had defended me. But they love each other, so I had thought they would be okay. Clearly, I was wrong. Hermione is really sad about it all, but she said she had promised me that we would stick together in this place and she was not going to break that promise. I told her she didn’t have to, that I would be fine, but she wouldn’t hear it. I was her best friend and she knew I hadn’t done it, so there was no reason to stay away from me. And if Ron wanted to be a stubborn ass-hole (yes Hermione really used the word ass-hole, I couldn’t believe my ears) than she was better off without him. I’m really glad she said that, because I wouldn’t know what to do without her.

The Defence Against the Dark Arts lesson is also a horror these days. Professor Lockhart hasn’t brought any more living creatures into class, but instead just reads passages from his books. He always wants to re-enact the more dramatic bits and I’m always the person that is picked to help him with these reconstructions. I’ve been forced to play a simple Transylvanian villager whom Lockhart had cured of a Babbling Curse, a yeti with a head cold, and a vampire who had been unable to eat anything except lettuce since he had met Professor Lockhart. And this Friday I was hauled to the front of the class to act like a werewolf. He made me howl and moan. Wow writing it down here makes it sound even worse than it already was. Nott and Crabbe have been re-enacting it all weekend.

And then this Saturday Draco had his first Quidditch match of the season. Slytherin was playing against Gryffindor. I know he was nervous in the way he snapped at everyone. And for the first time since I had made friends in Gryffindor, I didn’t at all feel conflicted about which team I should be cheering for. With me in the black books of the Gryffindors, there would be nobody giving me a hard time for cheering for Draco and our own house.

So as soon as it was eleven I made my way over to the Quidditch stadium and found a place at the back of one of the stands. And then the game started. Draco was good. Stealing the Quaffle from the Gryffindor team and scoring some good points. But then everything went wrong. One of the Bludgers kept aiming for him. Whenever the Beaters whacked it into a different direction it would just change direction in mid-air and shoot straight for Draco again. Draco had to manoeuvre hard to avoid it. I was glad Draco was so skilled on a broom, but I was scared for him.

I didn’t matter what the Beaters did, the Bludger wouldn’t stop attacking Draco and it became impossible for him to score any more points. With the Slytherin Beaters focused on keeping Draco safe, the other Chasers were having a hard time, giving Gryffindor the change to score a lot of points. And on top of that, it had also started to rain. It was clear someone had tampered with the Bludger and I wondered who would want to hurt Draco. What had he done to anyone lately? He just kept to himself most of the time. He even spends less time with Pansy these days. So maybe he’s not dating her.

Well, he probably is, since she was the first on the field when the Bludger got past the Beaters and Draco got hurt. It smashed onto his elbow and Draco broke his arm. He almost slid off his broom but was able to keep a grip with his legs. But the Bludger went for him again, going straight to his face and I was afraid Draco would die. He didn’t. He managed to swirl to the side, but it made him lose his balance and he fell to the ground. With a loud splattering thud, he hit the mud.

Draco just lay there on the ground, passed out with his arm in a weird angle next to him. I struggled not to cry, seeing him lying there like that. I wanted to go down and make sure he was okay so badly, but I know he wouldn’t have wanted me to, so I just stayed put and the back of the stand.

I was relieved when he woke up, but not when I saw that professor Lockhart was leaning over him and tried to heal his arm. I don’t know what happened, but I think he only made it worse. Pansy screamed at the professor for some minutes before she and Goyle escorted Draco to the hospital wing. It looked like his arm was all elastic when they moved him.

We did win the match by the way. In all the commotion nobody had noticed our Seeker catching the snitch, but he did and we won.

That evening I waited until everyone was asleep. I then took my invisibility cloak and made my way to the hospital wing. And you won’t believe what I saw when I got there. That silly house-elf Dobby was there with Draco. Draco was sitting upright in his bed, talking with the elf, like he knew him. I moved closer to them so I could hear what they were saying. Dobby was telling Draco that if he didn’t want to go home he should stop writing in the diary, that it was dangerous, that he would endanger Harry by doing so. Draco responded with that Dobby didn’t know what he was talking about, that he had no right to meddle and should go home. And then Dobby asked if Master Draco didn’t care about my welfare. But I never got to hear Draco answer the question because someone else was coming.

Dobby disappeared with a loud crack and Draco slumped back into bed, his watery grey eyes on the dark doorway to the hospital wing. I couldn’t look away from him, he looked sad and lost. Maybe he does still care about me.

Only moments later the door opened and headmaster Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall came in carrying what looked like a statue. Professor McGonagall went to get Madam Pomfrey. It seemed there had been another attack and this time it was Colin Creevey, the Gryffindor first year that used to follow me around at the beginning of the year. He was also petrified, still holding his little camera in his hand. When headmaster Dumbledore took it and opened the back a jet of steam hissed out of the camera. The inside of the camera was melted and I wondered what that mend. I still need to tell Hermione; maybe it will help her in figuring out what is attacking everyone.

And then headmaster Dumbledore said the worst. He said the Chamber of Secrets war indeed opened AGAIN!

I found Hermione the next morning in Myrtle’s bathroom. She’s avoiding the Great Hall and library since she and Ron broke up, so this had become our new place to hang out. She’s still heartbroken and says she understands now why I want to go and watch Draco play Quidditch all the time. I’m glad she finally understands, but I’m also sad about it. Now we are both heartbroken and sad all the time. Well, at least we still have each other.

I told Hermione about my trip to the hospital wing and how I found out that Draco knows Dobby, the house elf that had stopped my letters from arriving this summer. And how headmaster Dumbledore had said that the Chamber of Secrets had been opened before. We speculated about how a monster could get around unseen. Hermione thought it maybe was capable of making itself invisible or disguise itself just like Chameleon Ghouls. She had read about them somewhere and I joked she reads too much.

And now it’s Monday and the news of Colin’s attacked has spread through the entire school. The first years are moving around in tight-knit groups. Some of the older children are selling talismans, amulets and other protective devices. And everyone seems to believe I attached Colin. The rumour is that I was sick of him following me around with his camera. And somehow Crabbe had realised I hadn’t been in our dormitory when the attack happened, so he now also believes it was really me. He looks scared now, he’s not boasting anymore, but avoids me like everyone else. Even Blaise tries to speak to me as little as possible. Only Nott still thinks it’s one big joke that I’m the heir of Slytherin. I’m only a half-blood so I can’t possibly be the heir according to him.

I hope others will start listing to him soon because I hate how everyone looks at me like I’m some dangerous person.

Draco is okay now. He was released of the hospital wing on Sunday. Pansy is pampering him ever since. I don’t think he really likes it, he keeps pushing her hand away every time she tries to stroke his hair. His watery eyes from the hospital wing have been hunting me. I see them every time I close my eyes. They looked so hopeless and sad. I think something bad is going on with Draco. What if my dreams are coming true? What if he is ill? So ill he might die? Mom, I’m scared. How do I get him to talk to me, to tell me what is wrong? I need to help him, need to be with him.

I don’t know what to do.

I love you both, I’m going now. I just want to be alone right now.

I promise I will write again soon and I’m sure everything will be better by than. It has to be. I hate school like this. I hate my life if it’s always going to be like this.

Your Harry James Potter.

[caemthe-a]

     So I ended up reading Kinsella’s Táin in a day (something I should’ve done first since it’s far more comprehensible than older translations, but I’m didn’t because I’m a dumbass) and here are some details I didn’t pay much attention to when reading other translations until yesterday and also other things because I find them extremely amusing: 

It’s all Conchobar’s fault ngl.

The Táin properly starts on a Monday after Samain’s feast (Oct. 31) and ever since Cú never slept “unless against his spear for an instant after the middle of the day, with head on fist and fist on spear and the spear against his knee” (p.143, yes I put page because I’m annoying like that) until a Wednesday after Imbolc’s feast (Feb. 1), which means that Cú had been fighting the enemy armies without sleeping for MONTHS.

Until Cú was badly wounded so Lugh (aka Cú’s father) appeared to watch over him and heal him while Cú slept. Cú slept for 3 days and 3 nights. (Must’ve been some awkward days for Láeg since he was there too). That also meant that Ulster was defenseless against its enemies but Uster’s boys’ troop (150 young boys who were training to become warriors under Cú’s guidance) fought and they were all slaughtered. But they were no mere children because they managed to kill 3 times their own numbers. Absolute legends. (Actually, it’s very sad once Cú wakes up and is told that the boys’ troop been slaughtered... and then he goes full ríastrad on Medb’s armies)

Lugh is a storm god theory is WHACK and a stretch to try to compare him to another god of Norse mythology. (Alright, this isn’t particular to the Táin, it’s just me being salty about this very specific topic.)

Remember when I said Cú was a morning person? Well, that’s WRONG and I’m stupid. Cú actually hates waking up and no one ever tries to wake him up because, when he was a kid, some dude tried to wake him and baby Cú accidentally punched the dude’s brains out. (Another of baby Cú’s stories includes him hiding under Conchobar’s bed after punching about 50 boys and then you got the entirety of Ulster + King Conchobar + Fergus trying to pull him out). Anyway, back to the Táin.

One of the armies that were allied to Connacht was really efficient and fast and Medb didn’t like that one bit so her solution was to kill them all. Aillil: ‘What a womanly thing to say! We can’t do that!’ Fergus agreed and was the bigger brain then and therefore it was decided that the badass army should be distributed among the other armies.

I actually really like Fergus’ character during the entirety of the book and how he kept making fools of Medb and Aillil the whole time to delay their armies and give some time to Cú to recover and fight back. I’m giving him some rights back because I’m Cú biased.

Right, for at least 3 months, the war was only between the armies of Connacht (+ armies sent from other regions of Ireland... they all pretty much said Fuck them Ulster) against Cú Chulainn (with Láeg and his horses as emotional support). You would think that the armies of thousands of warriors would easily win against one 17yo boy, right? Haha... You would also think that considering Cú’s kill count, this enemy forces would start considering Cú as a serious threat and respect him, right? Absolutely not! Aillil actually has to threaten his troops to stop them from badmouthing Cú (Context: As soon as anyone insulted Cú, Cú would use his slingshot to blow their heads. He’s always watching... and listening!) Also, Cú has to wear a fake beard on TWO different occasions because, otherwise, the warriors wouldn’t fight him. (The best part of this is that the people actually bought the fake beard thing.)

Unless someone’s talking shit about him, Cú can’t aim for shit. (He does things out of spite.) For nearly three months he tries to shoot Medb and Aillil’s heads but he keeps missing each time and hits other targets instead. Sad.

Sometimes Cú likes to lie practically naked on the snow while staring at nothingness and tbh? Mood.

At some point, The Morrígan shows up disguised as a beautiful princess and tries to seduce Cú in a quite forceful manner, to which Cú says hard pass. The Morrigan gets offended and decides to make Cú’s life miserable from then on, to which our best boy says: Bring it on, WENCH! (Jokes aside, in concept, it’s really interesting that the goddess of death, victory, and war falls in love with a hero fated to accomplish greats feats and have his name remembered forever in all of Ireland and to die young.)

Then, The Morrigan transforms into an eel/fish and makes Cú trip when he’s crossing the river to meet the Connacht armies. Apparently, this is THE WORST that could ever happen to Cú because he gets so embarrassed and flustered that he just lies there and tries to hide a little. It’s so bad that he has no will to fight and Láeg has to give him prep talk so that he stands up again. I said Láeg was his emotional support!

And also Cú’s only brain cell! Because when Medb sent a message to Cú to meet her without carrying any weapon, Láeg went ‘Yeah, dude, don’t be stupid, that’s a trap.’ And of course it was a trap! This made Cú kinda annoyed because Medb had tried to deceive him and therefore destroys all the armies that Medb sent to kill him. And upon seeing her warriors getting slaughtered, Medb goes ‘This is so unfair! He’s doing injustice against my people!’ Mmm, I wonder who’s fault that this.

Ferdiad and Cú’s battle is always overwhelming and depressing and there’s gay drama no matter what.

An iconic moment from that battle is when Ferdiad asks his charioteer to look and see if Cú has arrived yet, to which the charioteer says ‘no, Ferdiad, buddy, we arrived like... 3 hours early to your date, what the fuck’. And Ferdiad goes, ‘Look again’ and the charioteer says, ‘Hey, dude, I know your boyfriend is tiny but he’s not THAT tiny’.

The book doesn’t explicitly mention how short is Cú but the people keep comparing him to a little hound, little deer, whelp, calf, little goat, etc.etc. etc. There also was this one time when Cú went ‘hey, hey what the fuck. I went full ríastrad last night. I can’t have people thinking I’m ugly.’ So he puts on his cool clothes and walked between where the Kingdoms of Ireland were gathered and the crowds went WILD. The men were standing there looking at Cú all dumbfounded but the women (their wives) couldn’t see him (like I said, he’s really short) so they got on the men’s shoulders to look at Cú. Medb got curious about what was the ruckus about and got on some dude’s shoulder’s too and looked at Cú and went ‘Hey, what the fuck! He’s a literal baby and you’re telling me that he’s the one who has been humiliating my troops?!’ Medb wasn’t amused.

Btw the reason why Medb and Aillil didn’t grab the brown bull Donn Cualigne and yeeted themselves out of there was because the bull was a powerhouse and no one could actually grab him. He would kill a fuckton of people whenever they tried to grab him so they decided that that was a bad idea.

Anyway, by the end of the Táin, the men of Ulster recovered from the pangs of Macha. (It was a curse that fell upon them for being major assholes. Don’t force pregnant women, who are about to give birth, to participate in chariot races, that’s just bad. Btw Macha, the pregnant woman, won the race.) And so everyone starts talking and making a huge deal of THE GREAT BATTLE and there are these cool and long introductions to the warriors of Ulster, Conchobar is all ‘I just came here to laugh at you’ at Medb and Aillil. And so you get a bunch of warriors come and go from THE GREAT BATTLE, and Cú says, ‘Damn, Laég, you better tell me all about THE GREAT BATTLE’ (Cú can’t participate because he’s still too wounded from his battle with Ferdiad). But they never actually show you THE GREAT BATTLE. Sad.

Also, sadly, there wasn’t nowhere nearly enough content of Conall Cernach and his dog-headed, man-eating, gore-covered, foaming monster horse and I think that’s a damn shame. ucu.

[confused-and-hurtzo]

Thoughts on the finale

Okay... I have some thoughts about this Grey’s finale, and I want to let them out and see what everyone thinks. 

Trigger warning: suicide talk

I have seen a lot of people complaining about the finale and how “uneventful” it was.. ok fair, your feelings are valid. But I think this whole season has been about developing characters and dealing with their past traumas. Therefore, it's reasonable. I can see why this finale was very wholesome, it was setting things for next season and respecting most characters' past. I have been watching Grey's since 2013, and it's true that previous finales have seen more shocking and entertaining. So, I find this one as a semi-break from the drama. Let's start with my more detailed thoughts. 

1. Jackson/ Maggie: As I have said before, I am not particularly attached to them and, therefore, I don't care very much about what happens. I am honestly ready for Jackson to die or leave the show because I feel that Jesse William has peaced out since they fired Sarah and Jessica. Like, he doesn't promote the show as much on social media, and he has been focussing more on his activism, which is very valid. I don't want him to leave, but I would understand why he would decide to do it.

2. Nico/ Glasses: I love this couple, they are so cute together, and I love how much Glasses has grown and gained confidence in this relationship. I love that he came out to his mom. I wanna see how that storyline develops. I am so happy for them and how much they have grown.

3. The Love Pentagon: First, I want to start with Teddy and Owen. I am so happy about their daughter, and it was cute how they picked the same name at the same time. However, I feel that the writers have forgotten about their past romantic relationships. This forgetfulness bothers me a little. I dislike that for them to be meant to be crucial storylines are dismissed, seems very forced. While I understand that this relationship has a VERY ancient history, I feel that this ancient history should be considered when talking about Teddy and Owen. On the one hand, last episode, Teddy says no one has ever made her feel like Owen does. Ummm... did you guys forgot about Henry? Hello? On the other hand, Owen romantically loving Teddy just invalidates his two major relationships... Amelia? Cristina? These relationships were relevant for his journey. He loved these women too, and, therefore, his love confession was not what I expected at all. It didn't convince me. 

This brings me to Omelia. I find it very annoying that they made Omelia a thing at the beginning of the season just to tare it apart. I understand that it allowed them to get their shit together, but one would think that it was going to take a step forward in their relationship. Also, can we talk about how self-less Amelia is? She still loves Owen a little, but she steps out of it for his sake. That is so brave and selfless, classic Amelia. I like that she asked Link for a break. She honestly deserves it and its good that she recognizes she needs it. We know how reckless she can be, this decision shows how much she has grown, I am so proud of her. I hope she finds herself and that the writers bring a bit of Private Practice Amelia.

Tom breaks my heart, but he doesn’t deserve to be with a woman that does not love him back.

4. Jolex: My heart was so happy with how this went down. I like Jo's storyline because it shows how we can talk about suicide and depression in a sensitive and respectful manner (not like 13 Reasons Why, yikes). I love how Mer told Alex that they needed a professional to help her. Jo deciding to go to therapy is so healthy, and I am here for a storyline that destigmatizes mental illnesses and visualizes suicide in a very respectful way. We stan!

5. Merluca: OH MY GOD! Did anyone cry when she said I love you back? AHHHH. They are my favorite. I LOL at the fact that they have to turn themselves to save the other's ass and career. I love that Mer is owning up and holding herself accountable, so brave. I love that she called him stupid and told him that he needs to learn how to deal with her whack actions. This line killed me because it shows that she does see a future with him. How cute is this? And, then, she says she is terrified, but still says she loves him WOW. She has grown so much, I am going to cry. They had so much chemistry, they said a lot with their looks and facial expressions, whoever says they don't have chemistry should rewatch this scene. Although they were separated by a glass window, there was so much being said. We stan this. I am so excited to see how they develop in the next two seasons, and I hope that the writers have more scenes with them. Like they have been dating for three months, and we have not seen a lot of their relationship. I want some domestic Merluca scenes with the kids and also so on-call room action because we all need that too.

Let me know how you guys feel about the finale!

Also, are there any Spanish-speaking Merluca fans? I listened to this song that reminds me of them, and I want to share. Pls, message me if you wanna hear it.