#i think mixed feelings and mourning are ok

[jamsandsuch]

i want to be allowed to be sad not about the person but about what it signifies to me about time passing and a jarring reminder that these days are no more

[callum-hunt-is-bisexual]

despite all the shit k talk im actually so glad the series is not ending, i will not know what to do with myself when it does

[littlelightfish]

We alredy know what's Chilchuck's worst nightmare. What if I told you that it was canon?

His daughters have alredy been eaten. His wife was eaten too. His family are all dead. His worst nightmare has come truth. And he for sure feels like it's partially his fault, because it's the Winged Lion doing, yes, but who helped Laios get here? Chilchuck. And who's daughters and wife are now dead because of it? Chilchuck's. The suggestion of recreating them tells us that they've alredy been eaten. The way he says it makes it feel like it's too late. They're dead. Because of him. Of his actions. Of his job. The irony of it all is actually quite cruel. He makes a union so he can prevent bad things to happen to his race, to his family, and then, and he works at the union. And now, because of his job, he got them all killed.

He doesn't even know how his daughters are until way later, I don't even know if in the manga they send letters to him during the feast, because I know they don't go to said feast. So Chilchuck doesn't know if his girls are alright until, again, way later. We know they don't die because, well, there's this comic of them going to meet Laios, the new king. But if not for that, who could tell us they didn't die on the monster appearances? I can imagine that after the feast Chil went stright to check on them. Because he loves his daughters, and he cares for his wife. He sucks at communicating it, yes, but he does.

He doesn't want to risk his family's safety. But he, unknowingly, unwillingly, indirectly, did. He got them eaten by those demons because he helped his friends achieve his goal. Because he cared about Falin and wanted her to be human again. Because he cared about Laios and didn'twanted to see him loose his sister. Because he cared about Marcille, Senshi and Itsuzumi. He cares so much about everyone and wants to help everyone (in his own way), that he doesn't think that the result would, inevitably so, be the worst outcome for him. The one in wich work and private life get mixed together. His job as a member of Laios's party ended dragging his family in, despite his best efforts. His job ended up, not only endangering the whole word with demons, but his family. His four precious girls. It ended up almost killing them (probably it killed them for some time because getting eaten by those demons works wierd).

Worst part? He didn't have the time to be mourn over what he 100% sure thought was the complete loss of his family. He was in a hurry to survive himself, so he pushed those sad feelings and tried his best to help who he had left. Later on he finds out that the demons spitted out people. And he seems shocked with some kind of surprised relief.

He looks how everyone that got eaten was alive. And he can't quite either believe it nor understand it. He is really confused. So they didn't die? Are my daughters ok? Is my wife ok? Did everybody survived? Are they alive? He dares to hope that they're all ok and pulls into a box his feelings again, saving it up for when he has the time to be overwhelmed about this all. He has a feast, trying not to worry, but worried sick. Then he goes home and checks on them.

Give this poor man a break and a beer...

[0aurelion-sol0]

My Arcane Season 2 criticisms:

Things I actually disliked:

How the Hextech plot turned out, I though it was very badly executed especially in terms of Viktor's evolution through the whole show. Lack of proper explanation about what was actually happening, unnecessary and horribly executed twist at the end, clumsy established rules and dissapointing payoff for anyone involved in this plotline. Final battle was cool and I like the Commune's designs but dear god, was this storyline confusing...

Ekko's community plus the tree's state at the end of the show. You really couldn't put a 15 seconds shot of the community being well and tree being ok ?! Seriously I know you had to make choices given it's animation but come on now... It was like one of the main driving points to stop Hextech for him & one of the safe haven of Zaun & Piltover and it's completely shoved to the side but no, we have to see minutes of Loris, Steb and Sky being there just being a representation of our characters' inner conflicts as if them doing it and/or saying it out loud wasn't enough...

Ekko convincing Jinx to not kill herself by telling her what he experienced, Jinx rallying the undercity to protect Piltover & Zaun from Noxus & Viktor and a proper conclusion to Sevika's story regarding all of this. WHAT THE HELL ?! We needed to see this, this is so important & it's completely ignored. IN WHAT world, did anyone think cutting this was a good idea ?! We needed to get a proper closure & development about Ekko & Jinx's relationship which was already thin to begin with. We needed to see Sevika affirm what she truly thought about Jinx and a moment about Isha regarding the two of them even if Sevika wasn't super close to the kid, we needed to see Sevika get to see the Undercity finally rallied together after spending the ENTIRETY of the show trying to do that and see how that whole thing came about for them to fight with Piltover. It is ridiculous to that me that this was cut... It was so important!

Things I didn't necessarily dislike but I have mixed feelings about:

Jayce not getting a single scene with his mom. I know she was there at the end, in the crowd, mourning him but come on, not even one scene with her before the end where she could allow him a form of reflection and comfort before putting his life in danger or after, I don't know... DISSAPEARING FOR WEEKS IF NOT MONTHS! I know you could interpret it as Jayce being so lost on his mission that he forgets about her and her importance but she was one of the reasons they ended up in Piltover in the first place. It's of course not as vital to the story but it could have provided some breathing in this fast-paced season.

Vi's character arc this season. While there are some part that I like, I feel like it wasn't explored as deeply & as fully as it could have been. The foundations are there but aspects like her relationship with Vander, violence and Zaun could have been pushed far more than they were in this season.

Caitlyn's arc and how the most important bit happened off-screen, again, just like with Vi, the parts it would have been better to see or being more developped weren't as much as they could've been. I am not of the conclusion she didn't face any consequences or was let go by the narrative of the things she did, but her coming to terms with her actions happened mostly off-screen and that is a shame because it was one of the more interesting parts of Season 2.

Singed's characterization. Now I understand why he was developed the way he is, in terms of what he represents for Caitlyn and for the show, but I don't think it was as compelling to me to have him be yet another parallel for the themes of the show or being a reminder of them was completely necessary for me. We got it the other times, I understand why, it had it's purpose; I just prefer how evil Singed was in the original lore & the story he had back then. I understand humanizing antagonists & reinforcing the theme of your story but sometimes it's nice having an element that's a bit of an outlier and explore other themes to give some variety to the story.

[redrandomposts]

a tissue wld be nice thank u 🥹

imagime till hovering at ivan's bedside for hours on end, painstakingly transferring all his past life memories into pen and paper. hes remembering a life of pain and suffering and conga line after conga line of trauma that ivan, present ivan, had pulled them out of before they could go through it in this life. he remembers how he repaid that miracle and he cringes so hard, he thinks the other till in his head cringes with him as well.

imagine till promising to both himself and the till of the previous life that hes going to make it up to the ivan of the past and the ivan of the present this time. he's gonna be a better friend this time around and he wont be as ungrateful as he used to be. it's the least he can do, right ?

but then ivan wakes up and it's like a part of ivan had died out there. there's recognition in his black and red eyes but it's less than what it used to be. the old ivan used to look at him with a painful sort of resignation mixed with longing and regret and mourning. now, this ivan just looks... tired. he looks almost disappointed at being alive and sometimes his gaze just glides over till like he's part of the background.

and it's a small, almost imperceptible thing but when till tries to reach out to ivan... to comfort him maybe... ivan flinches back. the look on his face doesnt change, but ivan flinched back. from till's touch.

till's heart drops.

----

ANYWAYS IDK WHAT I'M DOING IT'S 3AM IM HALF DEAD AND MOURNING TILLIVAN LMAO 😭 idk how to fix these kids help 😭 call me math prof bc all i do is create problems for everyone else to solve bless

— 🌦️

timezone differences are wild. 3am??? 🌦️ put down your phone.

guys its ok a true love's kiss will fix it all up (no it wont)

ivan isn't able to leave the medical ward for another month, and till takes advantage of that time to make it all up. he learns how to bake and brings pastries for ivan, sings love songs written for him, desperately tries to rekindle what they had.

and ivan—ivan falls in love again. he can't help but love; love all the songs and the treats and all of till. when he sees those eyes directed at him, his heart skips several beats at once, when he sees the smile he can't help but feel all is right in the world.

ivan's world is till. even if the world hates him, he cant help but love his world.

[soren-apologist]

people cite greil apparently never teaching ike about laguz as a reason he’s a bad dad which is, ok, yeah, not great, but to be fair it’s possible that he either 1. didn’t want to evoke memories of gallia when ike had already seemed to have forgotten them, or 2. he straight-up didn’t realize that ike didn’t remember

for 1, i’m not entirely sure if greil knew that ike witnessed the event and then had his memories sealed by sephiran considering the whole possessed-by-the-spirit-of-chaos thing, but he did seem to be at least vaguely aware that ike had little memory of gallia. considering that greil was probably still mourning elena and blaming himself for her death, it’s likely that he wouldn’t want to mention that time at all, both for the sake of protecting his children from the painful and extremely traumatizing truth of what happened to their mother, as well as he himself possibly never really getting over the incident.

and with 2, imagine going through your life trying to juggle raising 2 kids and running a mercenary company while also hiding your past as a legendary knight along with the single object that could cause the entire end of the world, only to learn that your 17-year-old apparently doesn’t know about the existence of an entire race of people, a subgroup of which he spent his early childhood around.

like… what. ike knows how to read (he understands soren’s written reports and contracts fine), so it’s not like greil didn’t educate him outside of combat skills at all. it might be that he assumed ike remembered that laguz exist because again, ike had been around caineghis as a kid, and having to sit down and teach him about laguz would have seemed as redundant as an american high school teaching its students about canadian people existing.

i feel like it could be a mix of both, honestly. greil avoids addressing gallia as much as possible, and doesn’t realize that ike has zero memory of his early life there. either way, i don’t think it’s nearly enough to officially declare him a bad dad™️, especially considering the fact that even after he learns everything, ike still holds him in high regard. all in all, i think greil was probably an ok parent.

[rubysunnday]

only twenty minutes to sleep

summary: far beneath the earth, Y/N lies awake, fearing that the shadows might return and finish what they started. Far beneath the earth, Nikolai lies awake, contemplating his grief and Y/N

a/n: not sure what this is, but it wouldn't leave me alone so i wrote it

No one knew how long they would be stuck underground for. Nikolai had sent soldiers to scout out the route to safety and check it was safe before he even would consider moving.

So, for now, deep under the Little Palace, Y/N was lying on the ground, roughly cushioned by her jacket and an old blanket, searching for sleep.

The attack by the nichevo'ya had rattled all of them. Whilst some were worse off than others, no one had gotten off uninjured. A shard of glass had sliced Y/N’s thigh as she’d ran down the corridors. It wasn’t until the adrenaline had warn off that she’d even realised that she was injured.

Blood had trickled down her leg, staining the material of her trousers. Tamar and David had done their best but neither one of them was a healer. Y/N just had to cope with the pain for now.

Y/N had closed her eyes and was lying as still as she could, but sleep taunted her. Just as she felt herself drifting off, someone would walk past and wake her or she’d shift, sending fire through her leg.

She yearned to talk to Nikolai, to simply spew her feelings to him and share her fear.

Because she was scared. She was terrified.

But Nikolai was king now. He was engaged to Alina and whatever Y/N had felt for him… well, she had to leave it in the past. Friends was all they could possibly be now, no matter what the other wanted.

Groaning, Y/N opened her eyes, squinting at the light of the candles and torches burning around her. She pushed herself up, trying not to move her leg too much, and sat back against the wall. The stones dug into her back slightly, but it was a nice distraction from the throbbing of her leg.

Staring up at the torches burning in front of her, Y/N pressed her thumb to her middle finger, searching inside of her for the familiar burning feeling. It surged towards her, through her veins, and as she held her fingers to the candle sitting on the floor next to her, fire surged up, sitting happily in her palm.

Y/N had always had mixed emotions towards her Inferni powers. Sometimes she wished she’d been a Heartrender or a Durast - something that meant more. Because anyone could make fire.

She couldn’t even summon fire at will, she had to ignite it with a spark or a flame. Yes, she always had a piece of flint on her, but when you were down on your luck, with nothing on you, there was no way to make fire.

Y/N sighed, trying to chase away the thoughts. She rarely trusted her mind after a certain hour - it always veered off into the dark depths, bringing up unwanted memories and thoughts. It was hard, however, to think about something else.

Needing a distraction, Y/N stood up, leaning heavily on the wall behind her. She tentatively put weight on her injured leg, deemed the pain bearable, and stepped forward.

Things had calmed down since the nichevo'ya attack. Many of the wounded were sleeping, their family or friends sitting around them. It was the kind of quiet that only came the night after an attack - when everyone was mourning their losses and planning the next move.

Y/N walked through the tunnels, passing by bodies lying against the walls, covered in sheets. She tried not to look at them.

David was quietly folding up numerous blankets, adding them to an ever decreasing pile as people grabbed one.

"Have you seen Nikolai?" Y/N asked, walking up to him.

"He went to the chapel," David said, turning and giving her a quick, not entirely convincing, smile.

Y/N put a hand on his arm. "Are you ok?"

"Of course," David replied, nodding.

Sensing that he didn't want to talk - Y/N couldn't blame him - she squeezed his arm and stepped away, heading down the tunnels to the chapel.

She had a rough memory of where the chapel was. After a few wrong turns, and pausing multiple times as her leg protested being used too much, Y/N found the side tunnel that led to the chapel.

As she stepped in, she saw Nikolai, staring at the alter. He wasn’t as formal as he had been earlier - he’d lost the military blazer and the cravat. Instead, he’d rolled up his shirt sleeves to his elbows and undone his waistcoat.

He looked more like Sturmhond than he did Nikolai Lanstov. Or maybe he just looked like Nikolai.

“Penny for the thoughts?”

Nikolai jumped slightly but, as he turned, his anxiety dissapted, a smile appearing on his face. "Are my thoughts only worth a penny? I'm disappointed."

Y/N smiled back. She limped over to him, her leg throbbing as she did so.

Nikolai's smile faded as he noticed her leg, concern clouding his eyes. "What happened?"

"Nichevo'ya," Y/N replied, sitting down a pew next to him. "It's fine." She turned her head, taking in his haggard appearance, the grief and exhaustion clear on his face. "How are you?"

Nikolai shrugged. "Don't know."

Y/N's leg brushed against his as she shifted closer. She hesitated for a second before reaching out and put her hand over his. Nikolai turned his hand, threading his fingers through hers, gripping tightly.

"I tried to sleep," he said quietly. "But it's haunting my dreams."

"I understand," Y/N stroked his hand with her thumb, "I'm thinking too much to sleep. I don't just my thoughts after a certain hour, though."

“But you’re still thinking it,” Nikolai said gently, turning his head to face her. “It’s evidently troubling you.”

She sighed, running the pad of her right thumb along her middle finger. “I just feel unimportant,” she said softly.

“Why’s that?”

“Lack of self confidence?”

Nikolai chuckled. He put a hand on her knee and squeezed it gently, trying to mind her injury. “How’s the leg?”

“Honestly?”

“Always.”

“It’s killing me. It’s killing one of the reasons I can’t sleep.”

“What’s the other? Your thoughts?”

“It’s always the thoughts,” Y/N replied, focusing her gaze upon the soup in her bowl, instead of Nikolai. “No one ever talks about how pathetic being an Inferni is.”

“We’ll, as someone who isn’t Grisha,” Nikolai began, “I think Inferni are rather fabulous.”

“Because we make things go boom?”

“Exactly.” Nikolai grinned at her, his teeth shining. “I love it when you quote me.”

Y/N shoved him lightly, smiling as he giggled. “Stop it.”

“Seriously, though,” Nikolai said, his voice quiet. “What’s going on in that head of yours? Because this Inferni thing is clearly only the beginning.”

Y/N shrugged as she took a sip of her soup, for she, herself, didn’t truly know. “I know I shouldn’t compare, but it’s hard not to. When I look at Tamar or David, I feel a stab of jealousy and desire. Tamar can control people’s hearts and David can make and bend metal and objects to his will. They have so much potential. All I can do is make fire and, even then, I need a spark to start it. I can’t even make my own fire.”

Silence followed her words. Y/N sighed softly, shifting in the pew. Nikolai was quiet, clearly contemplating what she’d said.

“I understand,” he eventually said. “Whilst it’s different, I relate through Sturmhond.”

“How?” Y/N asked, curious, not judging.

“Well, as Sturmhond I can control things, help people… do whatever I want. But as Prince Nikolai, I am limited to doing very little. Even now, as king, I will probably be limited even more. I doubt I’ll be able to do anything. There’s a desire to do more and feel more accomplished than you do.”

Y/N nodded. “Earlier, with the nichevo'ya… I couldn’t do anything. Adrik and Nadia are blasting them back, David is locking doors behind us and I’m just running away, unable to even make a flame because I had no spark.”

“Tamar couldn’t do anything either.”

“She had her axes.”

“Good point.”

“I know.” Y/N smiled at Nikolai. She sighed. “This is why I don’t trust my thoughts. Because, usually, I would go “Tamar didn’t do anything either” and move on. But I keep searching for the negatives.”

Nikolai nodded. He ran a hand through his hair, fighting the urge to yawn. “It’s hard not to after everything that happened.”

“I just want to sleep,” Y/N whispered. “And wake up in however long I get and start again.”

“You know, I couldn’t sleep either,” Nikolai said. He nudged Y/N’s shoulder. “We should lie down beside one smother and every time one of us has a bad thought, we talk our way out of to the other.”

“Is that… allowed?”

“No one will dare say anything. Besides, Alina and I have an arrangement.”

“Look at me,” Y/N muttered, “the King’s mistress.”

“Oh, shush," Nikolai said, hitting her arm gently. He paused. "I am sorry I didn't tell you before it happened."

"It's the politics of being royalty," Y/N shrugged, "it's not any of my business."

Y/N tried, and failed, to stifle a yawn. She put her hand over her mouth, unable to stop the noise escaping her mouth.

Nikolai laughed, throwing his head back. "Alright, come on you."

"What - why?"

"We're going to bed."

Y/N begrudgingly took Nikolai's hand and let him pull her to her feet. He wrapped a hand around her waist, holding her body close to his. Y/N was grateful for the support, especially as her leg buckled the first time she put weight on it.

She could feel the warmth of Nikolai's body, even through her jacket. Y/N put her hand around his torso, resting her head against his shoulder.

They slowly walked down the tunnels until they found an empty camp bed, a pile of cushions and blankets folded neatly on top.

Nikolai guided Y/N to the bed. She sat down on it and, with Nikolai's help, lifted her leg up on to it. Y/N shuffled over until she was pressed up against the wall, leaving room for Nikolai.

He laid down beside her, the side of his body pressing against hers. They were a right pair, lying on a tiny camp bed in a tunnel. But, already, Y/N felt safer.

“There’s another reason I can’t sleep,” Y/N said softly, her fingers dancing over the buttons of her shirt. She hesitated, searching for the right words.

“Go on,” Nikolai prompted gently. “I won’t judge.”

“I’m terrified,” Y/N whispered. She exhaled slowly, trying to keep her heart calm. “I’m terrified the nichevo'ya will reach us down here. Every shadow, every noise... I keep thinking they've somehow made their way down here."

Nikolai's hand brushed against hers. Y/N unfolded her fingers from her palm and Nikolai linked his fingers with hers, squeezing gently.

"As much as I would love to say they won't find us," NIkolai said softly, "I can't."

"I know."

"But I can promise you that, no matter what happens, I'll look out for you." Nikolai turned his head, his gaze flittering across her face, settling on her eyes. "I know you can handle yourself, more so than I can... but I'll be by your side, I promise."

Y/N gave him a soft smile. "I know. The same thing goes to you, moi tsar."

Nikolai rolled his eyes, but he began to laugh. "Shut up," he said, gently nudging her with his shoulder.

With a sigh, Y/N snuggled down into Nikolai's side, still holding his hand tightly. "Just speaking the truth."

"If you're calling me moi tsar, you need to start calling Alina moya tsaritsa." Nikolai frowned. "That sounds weird. Maybe don't do that." He paused, waiting for Y/N to reply. "Y/N?"

He looked down and stilled. Y/N's eyes were closed and her breathing had evened out. Nikolai pressed his lips together, a smile pulling at the edges as he watched Y/N for a moment. Her chest rising and falling was a reassuring sight - reminding him that she was still alive and by his side.

Nikolai breathed out, letting his body relax as he did so. He stole one more glance at Y/N, taking in her peaceful expression, and closed his own eyes, willing the twenty minutes it usually took him to fall asleep to pass quickly.

He had things to dream about.

[l0stfoster]

PLEASE what do you think the gang’s reactions would be when they find out that Paul and Bob were like Darry and Sodapop

I need the ANGST

OK OK, SO We talked about this., kinda. Only 3 people were discussed and the rest haven't been sorted out, so for now you can have those, and I'll either reblog or edit this in the future to add the rest. As usual for big blocks of text, all below the cut!

JOHNNY:

- First one to find out funnily enough; obviously on accident. - On Dia de Muertos Johnny gets something like the Coco treatment, but it’s more or less just he can see all the spirits instead of full skeletons. He doesn't interact with them so they don't know that he - He finds out purely because Bob's ghost does not leave Paul's side once during the entire day. Lingers with him the entire time - Johnny maybe expected Bob to be around Cherry, but Paul?? Not the expected outcome. It's what gives him the hint and as he looks back on a few things the dots connect. - Johnny apologizes about Bob's death after that (more for the fact that yk it wrecked people as it did, he won't apologize for doing it when he though they were killing his best friend though.) - Paul realizes he figured it out fast L - Paul's tryna avoid letting on that the apology does kinda heal a part of him and Johnny just being like “you don’t need anyone’s permission to mourn him yk” - Johnny's very emotionally mature in this au, if you can't tell - Paul elects to ignore him either way - Paul, holding back tears after Soda’s smile looks a little too familiar: We weren’t even that close - Hit Johnny with a "He wasn't my brother at all" and gets a simple response of "I never said he was" - Self-callout right there, Johnny doesn't bring it up much after that- mostly because it's the kind of thing he can't exactly bring up publically. - He has sort of mixed feelings; obviously, it's weird to find out this guy who's kinda your friend now cares so much about someone who hurt you, but at the same time, he's able to understand that his own feelings about Bob don't change the ones that Paul once held for him.

DARRY:

- Finds out second, and once again on accident. - Paul has an accident with his magic; spell requires a LOT of it but his back sigil is having a flareup of sorts, and it's making him short out a lot. He tries to force his magic through it and, long story short, the scar rips open as if it were freshly carved. - Darry gets to hear that scream from inside the house L. He's the one who patches Paul up bc bro will NOT fuckin' calm down enough for literally anyone else besides Darry to get close. - The only difference between healing as a kid and healing now is that Paul doesn't have a six-year-old Bob whining about piggyback rides. - Paul's so delirious and fucked up on whatever painkillers he's on that this fact breaks the dam. Darry finds him sobbing and the only answer Paul gives him is a weak "I miss Bob" - Darry asks him about their relationship after that; Paul is unfortunately not conscious enough to avoid the questioning, so he yaps. - Paul has a heart attack when he realizes Darry knows btw LMAO. Wdym he told his boyfriend that the guy who tried to kill his kid brother was one of the most important people to him?? Where is the breakup he knows it's coming - (Spoiler alert it never happens) - As I said in the post about Bob and Paul, Darry understands. He knows and he gets it. Sure, there's a part of him that wants to be a little more conflicted; but with their history, Darry probably met Bob on a couple of occasions and he knew how the guy could be when he isn't drunk and angry at the world.

PONY:

- Pony finds out on accident but very similarly to Darry; and by that I mean he overheard one of the conversations Darry had with a very delerious Paul. - Dude is NOT fuckin happy. And because Pony is also a dramatic little shit, he would just stop all attempts at bonding with Paul - The second Paul even knows that Pony heard and he’s like yeah. There goes that. There’s a reason he was doing so much to try and hide it. - Darry's there like "Can you try? For my sake at the very least?" Pony is stubborn as all hell and just goes "No." - Paul doesn’t even try to push things; which probably makes Pony even more petty bc teen logic. I found out something you purposefully tried to hide because it would ruin things and you’re not trying to fix things even though I’m making it clear I don’t like you?? The audacity - Pony doesn't use his head, like at all. (I fear I'm not a Ponyboy fan and that may be a little obvious) - Johnny and Soda are even like "Pone, that's the dumbest thing I've heard all day" when he explains it to them. - Darry and Johnny try to get them to talk by locking them in a room but Paul brute forces that open with his magic (yeouch to the back bc he's still healing) because god forbid he have to try to figure out what Pony wants from him. - Even Pony doesn't know what he wants, he's just a petty teen. - Pony doesn’t know what he wants and Paul thinks he wants him to apologize, but Paul is NOT going to apologize for missing the version of his little brother that he knew; Let alone the fact that he’s actively been trying to keep this hidden because he knew it wouldn’t work out well. - Pony snaps at him one day and yells about how he can't understand how Paul could love a person who tried to kill him and Johnny, especially after becoming close with them and the gang; Paul's defense is an equally loud response about how Pony has no clue who Bob is beyond what he and Johnny perceived him as, and that if Pony can like Dally despite Dally being also not really a good person the least he can do is silently miss his brother. - It leads to a long argument that progressively gets less loud, eventually, they're sitting next to each other and quietly talking. - Paul may be crying but they will not acknowledge that - They do not tell others that Paul was crying or that they re-bonded, The gang only knows when Pony rolls up to lunch like “The west side is playing Paul Newman :hehe: “ and Paul just sighs and goes “Let me finish my food.”

After all this Paul ends up being even more quiet about Bob bc god forbid this happens again he’d rather die, Two of the Curtis’ + Johnny knowing is enough for him. Stops wearing Bob’s ring and avoids anything that reminds him about it However, he does maybe talk to Darry about it a little bit every so often. Mostly when he's drunk.

Darry: "This is your sixth beer in an hour, what’s got you so upset?" Paul, muffled: "Bob would’ve been 20 today" Darry: :bro: “Oh-“

Glad that the other writers amuse my habits

[feroluce]

Thinking tonight about Caelus, and the nature of his loss and his grief after the Everything that went down in Penacony during 2.0.

Because Acheron, Black Swan, and Misha kind of knew of Firefly, they at least met her, but they didn't like really know her, and Caelus never even got the chance to introduce her to the rest of the Astral Express Crew. The only person who would have talked to her much was Sparkle, who is. Probably not really someone Caelus is interested in grieving with skznmsks

Anyway, all this to say, I like thinking about how alone poor Caelus is in his grief, because he was the only one who knew Firefly. He's the only one really mourning her. There's no one to talk about her with. There's no stories to trade or memories to reminisce with anyone over. It's not as though he knew her for long, but still. No one else knew her at all.

And I love the thought of all of this coming bubbling up, hot and acidic and bitter, during a conversation with Sampo, who Caelus just so happens to run into in the Golden Hour. Poor Sampo is kinda blindsided, he knew shit was going down in Penacony, but yeesh. And he just. Isn't quite sure what to say about it all, because he's never really encountered this before. His feelings about the Masked Fools are...a mixed bag, but he's been a part of them for a very long time, and when you're with a close organization like that, it's hard to feel alone, in grief or otherwise.

So Sampo sits there on their little bench that the two of them have occupied, and he thinks of his old friend April, how she'd died in his arms cackling and spitting her own blood after a heist gone wrong, and how after he'd dragged himself back to the World's End Tavern they'd all held a Fool's Funeral- which is basically just a big party where everyone gets really really drunk and reminisces and toasts the dead and celebrates their life.

He still thinks about her a lot, and he remembers how the time he'd most keenly felt her absence was on Jarilo-VI, the one place where he couldn't talk about her because he couldn't say anything to give himself away as an alien. The Fools still tell stories about her every time he goes back to the Tavern. His first toast of the night is always in her name. Even now, all these years after she'd died, Sampo is still learning new things about her. He's never had to grieve her alone.

Caelus doesn't have any of that.

He might never have that. As they speak, Caelus has no proof that Firefly was even her real name, or if she dreamt with her true appearance. He might not ever find out who she even was.

And just imagining that kind of loneliness hollows out a strange little pit, right behind his sternum, deep between his ribs.

So Sampo claps Caelus' shoulder and offers him a deal. Come find him outside of the dream. He knows a guy who can get them a lot of beer for really cheap-

("Is that guy you and your five finger discounts?" "Whatever do you mean, dear friend, I don't even know the meaning of the phrase, hehee.")

-and they can hole up in a bar or a hotel room or something, and get completely shitcanned. Tell him all about Firefly, tell him everything, and he'll tell Caelus about April and everyone else he's ever lost. Sampo will carry Caelus' memories of Firefly with him, and at least this way, Caelus will be a little less alone in remembering her. And the next time they cross paths, Sampo will be the one to bring her up, and to tell her stories, and Caelus can get to be the one listening. He won't have to be the only person to talk about her anymore.

Caelus rolls his eyes when Sampo avoids another remark about sticky fingers, but...ok, yeah. That sounds good. Nice, even. Thank you. Caelus bumps his shoulder against Sampo's. Sampo bumps back.

(They find each other again the next day, and true to their word, get themselves completely and utterly shitcanned. Caelus talks more than Sampo has ever heard him; every minute detail, every word choice, Firefly's every odd little mannerism and habit. Because Caelus wants to make sure this will outlive him, that even if the Stellaron dwelling within him finally burns him to a crisp and he really does up and kick the bucket, or even, godforbid, if he forgets, he wants to make sure someone remembers her. She deserved that.)

((And it takes quite a while, after that. Caelus doesn't see Sampo again until after everything has settled down. On his last day in Penacony, he finds the guy slinking out of a seedy back alley and all but runs right into him. Sampo happily leads him to some dive bar in an even seedier back alley that Caelus has never even heard of, and Sampo raises his glass. "To Firefly! Who sounds like she probably would have hated me at first, but I would have liked to have met her anyway."

And Caelus stares at him, almost looking startled, long enough that Sampo worries that he's read him wrong and brought this up too soon. He's halfway into planning how to talk himself out of this situation when Caelus finally throws back his head back and laughs, tells him that yeah, Firefly would have politely called him out on every lie he told, and all their conversations would take twice as long with the way Sampo is so full of shit.

And he can see it, the same way he watches and sees through everyone, that Caelus' eyes have a tightness to them, his knuckles are nearly white around the handle of his mug. But he smiles. He hits his glass against Sampo's far too hard and throws it back and gets foam everywhere like he does every time they drink because the guy's about as elegant as a raging bull, but those things don't lessen the genuineness of his smile.

The grief is there, but so is the elation, and those emotions aren't a sliding scale between one or the other. It is all of both and both at once, and that's what contents Sampo enough to throw his own mug back when Caelus makes a toast of his own, "to April!!".))

[inspector-montoya-fox]

You know sometimes i like using my tumblr as like a brain rot bank? Like a time capsule for thoughts and opinion that cater to no one but everyone is welcome to enjoy and partake. And today i'll be doing just that because i have finally finished The Great Ace Attorney Chronicles. If you've been following me for a while you know that this is lowkey monumental because (a) it means that i have officially played all Ace Attorney games, and (b) i have been struggling to finish these two games since their bundled release three years ago. So, i just wanted to share some general thoughts, some tier lists, and feel free to let me know what you think if you read what i have to say!

Ok so, my main takeaway from playing the two games is that... Dr Courtney Sithe is a bad bitch deserving of the same praise as Franziska, Lana Skye, Justine Courtney, Dee Vasquez and Calisto Yew. I genuinely love her so much. Miss Buttplug Hair got her PhD in being a girlboss and i'm so upset she was only in one case. For such a cool character with an amazing design, she was criminally underdeveloped. Same goes for my other fav, Rei Membani. Soon as it was mentioned that Professor Mikotoba and Judge Jigoku were on their way to the UK, i was one hundred percent sure she'd accompany them, and i was ultimately disappointed. To have her right next to Susato on the game's cover art and give her such an amazing takedown of Raiten Menimemo... and then just not have her be anywhere else was such a shame. I need more Dr Sithe and Rei !

The rest of the games' characters were a bit of a mixed bag with some obvious (and some unexpected) stand-outs. Here's my tier list:

Notes:

The biggest surprise that came when i was making this is how high i placed Herlock. I started off hating him so much and then he just suddenly grew on me so quickly, i hadn't even noticed. One of my favourites for sure.

I think we can all collectively agree that we have, at some point in our lives, embodied Pop Windibank... poor guy...

I don't know what Kazuma's deal is. He starts off as Ryunosuke's Mia Fey before um... just becoming a jerk? Why does he have beef with his best friend who was literally mourning him for almost a year? Can't lie though, the bitch looks hot in his white uniform.

Some of the jurors made a bigger impression than actual characters/ witnesses, just by having cool designs. Mainly the green lady, who rightfully earned her spot in the third tier after i found out she's supposed to be a reincarnation of the teacher from PLvsPW !

Eggert Benedict or whatever the fuck that rich breakdancing asshole is called, cannot be a final villain i'm sorry. Seriously, what were they thinking?

The two redheads are such a shameless rip-off of the Skulkins. Two ruffians taking the witness stand for the game's climax AGAIN !? And during the credits, they pose in their prison cell with "Gossip" in the middle the exact same way Eggert and the Skulkins did in the credits of Adventures, like no thank you.

I love how my overall bottom 3 are an annoying str*ight couple and a child.

If Stronghart wasn't in the second (very coveted) tier, he'd be in the bottom of 'like !' because he was ok. It's blatantly obvious he's the big bad from the second he's introduced but that's not necessarily a bad thing. Also, i need him and Damon Gant to have a fat titty bounce-off.

Moving on to criticisms, i can't help but feel like the fact that Shu Takumi decided to split his original script into two games only served to hurt the entire project. Because, for starters, each game has a different feel and the two don't match. Adventures is reminiscent of PLvsPW, Takumi's whimsical and eccentric love letter to the UK that hinges heavily on exposition. Resolve, on the other hand, is a bit of a mix between its predecessor and traditional Ace Attorney, its cases focusing more on driving the narrative to its conclusion rather than experimenting on the classic formula (as with the first game). It also echoes aspects of the first Investigations, bringing in diplomatic immunity, international relations, "tracking down and going against the head of the evil organisation" (the Reaper storyline is very similar to the Yatagarasu one). Personally the two vibes don't mesh, even when Resolve tries to latch onto Adventures with Memoirs of the Clouded Kokoro, for example.

Then, the pacing in both games is all over the place. Adventures is just so unreasonably and unashamedly long-winded and slow, it's the reason it took me literally three years to get into it. The game repeats the same lines of dialogue again and again until they're made painfully clear, subsequently making the player (or at least me) feel like an idiot who needs to read the same thing 13 times in order to get it. This, coupled with the fact that actual gameplay was almost nowhere to be seen and that progression in the courtroom almost always relied on not pointing out inconsistencies but pressing the witnesses adjacent to the one testifying, made the game such a slog to get through. And once the game started to pick up, it was over before i even knew it and in a very unceremonious fashion no less. In comparison, Resolve is very streamlined, albeit a bit too fast-paced. With the exception of Memoirs, which felt like shameless filler, it's clear that they wanted to waste zero time and crammed so much stuff into the episodes, to the point where it became difficult to keep track of everything going on. Because, keep in mind, the second game was tasked with tying up all the loose threads from the first one.

This leads to my final criticism regarding the split: inconsistencies and unresolved mysteries. I think it reads as careless writing when questions keep sprouting everywhere and their answers are reserved for the final two episodes of the second game. Even Unspeakable, a final case, introduces mysteries tied to the overarching narrative just for them to be shelved until Twisted Karma, leaving the player with a sense of dissatisfaction when the game ends. Not only is it frustrating to keep track of all the unsolved mysteries, a chore which good writing would not expect from the player, but it also has you questioning whether or not some of them will get answered at all. Why was the selection of jurors obviously rigged? Why did Van Zieks stop appearing in court five years prior? Where did he lose his gun in Twisted Karma? Why didn't Stronghart assassinate Madame Tusspells as well? Why is Kazuma fully exonerated after admitting to his involvement in the assassin exchange? I grouped the unresolved mysteries with inconsistencies as one problem because the latter is a result of the former. The majority of mysteries spills over from the first game to the second, giving way to different phrasing, details getting glossed over and the plot's consequences getting ignored. There's a very apparent shift in Gregson's character, for example, going from uncooperative and rigid in Adventures to more forgiving and helpful in Resolve, all the while his misconduct from Unspeakable is seemingly forgotten and met with zero ramifications. There's also the government's secret message about the assassin exchange Herlock deciphered at the end of the first game, which sets up the second game nicely but then doesn't get mentioned until the very last day in court. Like, come on now. It feels like Resolve continues Adventures' story without wanting to acknowledge it because, in the grand scheme of things, McGilded and Eggert Benedict seem to not matter at all. And then there's Memoirs, which... Inconsistency City, honestly. This episode's lack of impact on the overall story allowed it to be literally anything else. It's such a bizarre choice to have it be something which only achieves in taking away from the first Clouded Kokoro case! Like ok, i can get behind it being a case no one wanted to talk about so it didn't make the first game. I can turn a blind eye to the inconsistent character development and timeline, whatever. But it absolutely drives me nuts that, for an Ace Attorney game where the murders are explained in full detail, they couldn't stay consistent with the direction Olive Green was walking in. Hate. Loathe. Get it away from me.

That pretty much covers it in terms of complaints, because otherwise i enjoyed my playthrough quite a bit actually. I know i've just spent like 3 mega-sized paragraphs complaining but the games have great elements as well. The Deduction dances are easily the best thing about the gameplay, especially when you didn't see them coming. They were so much fun to play, very animated and cartoony with amazing banter, and effortlessly accelerated the investigation segments. Equally, i loved Judicial Findings. Undoubtedly my favourite part of the courtroom sections and a welcome change of pace. I tended to stall a lot because the jury's music fucks so hard. While on the topic of what i liked, Ryunosuke and Susato's chemistry rivals what Phoenix and Maya have going on. Susato leaving at the end of Adventures was a genuinely effective point in the plot, even though i knew she'd be back.

Now, let's take a closer look at the episodes. Here's my overall tier list of all Ace Attorney cases, the Great Ace Attorney ones being highlighted in yellow:

Notes:

Blossoming Attorney gobbled the rest of the girls right up (a court-only episode, no less). They gave us Susato gameplay, what more can you ask for? An amazing case. Gay Women in STEM !!

Return kinda strikes a nice balance between the different feels of the two games i mentioned before. You've got exposition and world-building with the whole Great Exhibition, turn of the century mad science thing, but also classic Ace Attorney with tracking down Drebber (very Matt Engarde's apartment) and Madame Tusspells as just some witness (very Lisa Basil). A very fun case right before the clusterfuck of mysteries ensues. Also, Dr Courtney Sithe !!!!! Girl you're such a star and you don't even know it spit in my mouth

Was tempted to put Unspeakable in the second tier but i think it's earned its high placement on its own merit and not because of personal bias. It's a great case. Maybe not for a final one, but it's still great. It tries its hardest to tie up some loose ends before the game ends and that's worth something.

Resolve of Ryunosuke is objectively better than Twisted because i could not give less of a fuck about the purple guy's headache and Espella Cantabella selling firecrackers, but they're both very much one single package. Extra points to Resolve of Ryunosuke though for having its villain sit at the judge's seat. That was neat.

The two Clouded Kokoros are giving stinky Bri ish culture with the whole apartment building background, like Ribena, bad teeth, rusty Union Jack, horseshit breath at the pub, you awrite luv? Slander, i'm sorry.

Slightly unrelated but when i was making this tier list it became so obvious that Investigations 2 is the crown jewel of the franchise. Like it has two cases in the top 5, how can you even argue against that?

Arriving to a conclusion, i'd say both games belong on the same level as Apollo Justice: a blend of good and bad. My experience playing the Ace Attorney franchise has followed this trend of attaching each game to a pivotal moment in my life. I finished the first game while i was still a soldier, Justice for All during my first year at university, Dual Destinies during Covid lockdown, Investigations while helping my parents set up their shop one summer. So i know i'll look back at playing The Great Ace Attorney Chronicles right after handing my dissertation very fondly. In other words, despite not quite sticking the landing, it's left a very pleasant aftertaste. Thank you for reading!

[quetzalpapalotl]

do you have any transformers fic recs? i started looking for fic recently but found it hard to find stuff i liked, and you seem to know your stuff, so... any faves you wanna shout out..?

Hi! If by knowing my stuff you mean being extremely pedantic and having strong opinions on lore and contiuity mixing and characterization (especially regarding Optimus) the yeah.

Always love to shout out my faves. Since you didn't specify anything you want, I'll just try to give you a wide range in hopes you like something. But let me know if there's something in particular you're looking for. I haven't been reading TF fic lately, too focused on TGCF fic, so maybe I also need recs, but here are some from the top of my head!

Remember to check tags and warnings before reading.

the land of the living series by @megatron-fucks was a vague G1-ish continuity that got soft retconned into being strictly IDW1 that only diverges in how the Cybertronia presence on Earth went. Anyway, the first fic Lesser Evil is about the Matrix forcing a sparkbond between Megatron and Optimus and them dealing with the aftermath of this horrible violation and figuirng what it means for the war. Not usually a fan of sparkbonds, but I really love how it's used here to create conflic and even in its sequel Peace is a Dead Rat, it's not used as a get out of jail card to solve conflict. Ruin's prose is great and she has a way of portraying Megatron that's hard to describe, simultaneously pathetic and irrational but also a force of nature so sure of himself that seems to make perfect sense. And her Optimus!!! I love him so much, she really manages to capture all aspects of him, the good and the. Series also includes a really good Pharma fic.

Read everything by Ruin, really, but I also want to mention a new and dreadful form, which is about the megops eating Primu's spark to adquire the power to defeat Unicron, they bleed, suffer, are transformed and have pnp sex while they're at it. Again, the prose is amazing and the fic hits all of the right spots for me.

The Art of Kneeling (and Stabbing Yourself in the Back) by @soundwavereporting a fic about how IDW1 soundop are tragically suited to enable each other's worse traits. There isn't much stuff out there with them, but this fic makes up for it by sheer quality and Getting It.

Escape Velocity byt trajectory. A fic that explores the IDW1 Combaticons dealing with their shadowplay and Blast Off's betrayal post-canon. Really thoughtful characterization, the sort of very questionable relationships where it's like, this is the best we can expect from this people. Oddly heartwarming and a great way to fill fulfilled after that storyline got cut short.

leave my lips charred by oriflamme. The IDW1!Arcee fic. Ok it's more like IDW1 to the left, but still, it explores Arcee's past and I have added so much of this fic into my personal headcanons. Especially love the portrayal of her relationships with Galvatron, how despite him being... Galavtron, he was there and it contextualizes Arcee's canon complicated mourning.

Keep It Secret, Keep Him Safe by not_whelmed_yet. Backstory Chromedome fic that seeks to answer what was Prowl trying to blackmail him with that. It's satisfactory without completely recontextualizing the CDRW relationship the way the scrapped plot of CD knowing about Dominus and needling Rewind would have. Also featuring Chromedome's previous conjuxes and it makes sure you really feel for them before their deaths.

To anyone stupid enough to actually think the war is over by @polyhexian. Absolutely fascinating interaction between Prowl and Brainstorm. Two guys that hate each other, but have surprisingly many things in common and Chromedome to link them. Also Nate has written a lot so really check out their stuff, especially if you want more CDRW, they've done like, 1/4 of all of it. And omg, their Whirl fics.

Half a Same Mind by @honestlyvan When I say no one gets TFP Bulkjack and Wheeljack like Van, I mean it. Read all of their stuff while you're at it, but the tension and reward of this fic is aaaaaaaaaaaaaggggh. It's so carefully constructed, the soft melancholy, the they both know that they know where they stand but still remain mmmmmm, just read it!

Will you give me yourself? will you come travel with me? by @sroloc--elbisivni. I'm always reccomending this fic as my absolute favorite portrayal of TFP!Orion. Just how Megatron realizes that there is more to him than he previously gave him credit for while you the reader can actually see how this is a person that will one day become Optimus Prime, the soft doomed megop and that end that shows Megatron does get Optimus better than anyone.

A Miracle Opened Wide by neveralarch. Vague G1-ish continuity where Ratchet offers to spot Jazz so he doesn't hurt himself while trying kink. Jazz fails at communication and it's really cute, I love him, his overcompetence backfiring and making him too paranoid. Also I just love everything it does with not-sticky truly robot sex, always good to read. Also, it's hot.

Right now I'm following Rhinestones in lieu of Diamonds by fowo which I'm really loving!! Vague continuity where Megatron having lost his sense of meaning now that the war is over end up in a support groups. Then Optimus shows up and naturally, he can't be chill about it. Optimus tries to be the bigger person ofc but he is also weird about Megatron. Absolutely adore the characterization and there's hardly anything I love more than taking the war away from these two and having them deal with the subsequent crisis.

You should also read Come here, baby, tell me that I'm wrong by me!!! A fic about IDW1 Optimus and Whirl having a... complicated relationship. I think it fucks hard. Also completely canon compliant bc it's me we're talking about. Also also, you can look at my tf bookmarks from my Ao3 and see if there's anything there not mentioned here that interests you (tho I always forget to bookmark alas OTZ)

Have fun and let me know if this was helpful, if you want!

[ploo-toe]

The Crow and The Mourning Dove: CH 2

SCP-049 x SCP!Reader

Series tags/warnings(18+): fem!reader, slowburn, (eventual)smut, horror, gore/violence, death, unethical experiments, dark, mentions of past trauma, happy ending

Chapter Summary: “The Chem. Department has a new lavender sedative mix they want to test out, so we’re moving it to a separate testing chamber.  During that time, maintenance will come in for a routine inspection of all the locking mechanisms in 049’s cell.  You’re there to ensure everything runs smoothly.”

 ___________________________________________

Almost a month had gone by, and while 049’s insight had been helpful, progress with 9528 was slow.  The scp was wary; reluctant to let its guard down.  Though, on rare occasion, it would be comfortable enough to drop its facade, even if only for a brief moment.

While Y/n didn’t completely trust Dr.Leeward, she could recognize that he was somewhat of an oddity.  He deviated from the other foundation staff.  Where others were callous and barbaric,  he was softened.  He couldn’t deny his compassionate nature.  It’s why he didn’t push when she was unwilling to share certain details, encouraging her to answer only what she felt comfortable with.  Even if deep down, Y/n knew that he still only thought of her as a thing. Not a she, but an it.  Still, he was better than most.

“Ok, so we went over the things you like.  What about dislikes?  Anything that upsets or annoys you, possibly even things that you’re afraid of?”  Dr.Leeward sat across from her, encouraging her to go at her own pace. It was refreshing, his patience.

“...I’m not overly fond of fire.”  

“Fire?”  It was clearly an answer he wasn’t expecting.  A centuries old being, responsible for the slaughter of hundreds, if not thousands, afraid of fire?

“Yes, that’s correct.”

“May I ask why?”

While there were some things Y/n was willing to disclose, others were deemed far too personal.

“There was an incident in the past that led to a certain… avoir les pétoches… aversion.”  Y/n muttered under her breath, trying to find the words.  While she was fluent enough in the King’s English, she found its expressiveness quite limiting.

“I see…” Leeward spoke as he finished up his notes “Well I’ll leave it at that for today, and we’ll pick up again next week.  Is there anything you want to speak of before the end of the session?”

“No Doctor, that will be all.”

He nodded, gathering his things and exiting the cell.

Y/n remained at the table, simply staring ahead at nothing.  To the camera’s she appeared almost bored.  But for a brief moment, she was back there.  She could see the flames surrounding her, feel them eating away at her skin. She blinked it away as quickly as it had come.  She got up slowly, making her way over to her bed and getting as comfortable as it allowed.  Perhaps some rest would do her good.

Leeward made his way down the hall towards his office, nodding to a group of guards on his way, before The Director flagged him down.

“We’ve really got to stop meeting like this, Adam.”  Director Novak joked. Tell me about it. Leeward bit his tongue.  “I need you to assist in the movement of SCP-049 today.”  Movement?

“Why are we moving 049?”  He racked his brain, trying to think of whatever reason there might be for such a high clearance task.

“The Chem. Department has a new lavender sedative mix they want to test out, so we’re moving it to a separate testing chamber.  During that time, maintenance will come in for a routine inspection of all the locking mechanisms in 049’s cell.  You’re there to ensure everything runs smoothly.”  Novak’s cold stare bore holes into Leeward’s skull.  He wanted Leeward there to keep 049 docile.  Meeting the director's gaze, it was clear as day.  He knew the risks that came with moving 049, he just didn't care.  Leeward swallowed down the lump in his throat, knowing it was better not to question Novak’s judgment, and followed him to 049’s containment cell.  

Leeward went into the cell first, told by the director that he was to obtain 049’s full cooperation.

“Hello 049.”

“Doctor, I was unaware that we had any meetings today.”  049 stood cordially, halting its previous task of writing in its journal.

“No, we don’t, I’m here sent by the director to prepare you for testing.  He asked that I come in first to make sure you’re cooperative.”  Leeward spoke with thought out words, careful not to provoke the scp.

“Ah, yes.  I have my work as you have yours.  I am willing to see through your tests.”

He was relieved that 049 seemed to be in a good mood today. The last thing he wanted was for this to go poorly.

Leeward signaled for the guards to come in, stepping back as they attached its restraints.  Two held onto its chains, pulling it forward, while the remaining 4 had their rifles fixed on it.  They slowly began making their way out of the cell, leading it down the hall.  Director Novak stood stiffly, staring down 049 with a shark-like gaze.  The teams movements were slow and calculated. While the facility guards may have been lacking in certain social aspects, they knew the tactical precision necessary, and the weight any mistakes would carry.

They had just barely made it to the first turn before they heard it, down the hall behind them.

A gut wrenching scream bounced off the walls, laced with pure terror.  What the hell was that!?

049 halted, posture stiff and eyes wide.  

“...Y/n?”

[khaire-traveler]

do the gods ever have problems with love? i’m talking to a guy right now and he’s giving me mixed signals, and i feel like it would make me feel a lot less alone if i knew the gods know how i feel right now.

Hey, Nonny,

I'm sorry to hear you're having a tough time. Know that, as a whole, you're not alone, outside of the context of the gods. I personally have gone through this, actually, and I know how incredibly painful it can be. Regardless of how the situation turns out, it will be ok, even if it's not ok now. Mourn, and feel your feelings, but know there is hope for a brighter future. Even if this person isn't the one, this one experience won't define your future in relationships. I hope you can rely on your loved ones for support. 🫂

Anyway, to answer your question, I had to give it a lot of thought. Firstly, I think it's extremely important to state that no one can speak for the gods officially. There is simply no way to know in confidence when someone is speaking truthfully or for their own gain. Along with that, I think it's just generally impossible for us to know what the gods experience. What is it like to be a god? We simply don't know. Everything I state hereon is an opinion based on my personal experience. Just as others cannot say with certainty what it's like to be a god, I cannot say with certainty what it's like to be them or what they've experienced throughout their immortal lives.

I'm of the opinion that the gods have had experiences such as being led on, being sent mixed singles, and heartbreak caused by mortals. Even in myth, we're shown the capacity the gods have for love, and in my own experience, they can love us humans dearly. The existence of godspouses also speaks to love the gods can have for us, even in a romantic context. I feel sure that they've experienced heartbreak in many different forms. So, Nonny, I don't believe you're alone in this when it comes to the gods. I'm sure that they're happy to send you comfort during this time, be it with empathy from their own experiences or sympathy from knowing it hurts. Know it's ok to find comfort in them regardless of what you decide to believe they've experienced.

I'm not sure if this answer helps, but I hope that it does. I wish the best for you. Take care of yourself, and know it's ok to step away from a situation for a bit if it's too emotionally taxing. Put your own well-being first. I hope your coming days are better. 🧡

[random-letters-i-just-thought-of]

Clones mourning the Jedi

Ok, so, bear with me, my brain is constantly making up scenarios that I want to happen in Bad Batch Season 3. Most of the time I don't do anything with them, but this one today was especially emotional, so I just can't keep it to myself. Even though it doesn't fit into the story at all and is probably also very out of character. So… I need the connection between the clones and the Jedi to be appreciated, right? So my brain was like: How about we have the clones collectively, in their little community that they built, (which will also totally happen, right? I mean… clone rebellion?!?…please?!!), mourn the Jedi? And I was just: Umm… I don't think… And my brain went: Shut up, I've already made up a whole fucking ceremony and the precise camera angles and shots it will be shown in. So anyway, it starts with the Bad Batch needing Rex's help for a mission or something, so they go to him, and Rex is like: "Sure, but not today." So Hunter asks why, and he just says: "It's Empire Day." No missions till tomorrow morning." "Why? You're celebrating?", Wrecker asks jokingly. Rex huffs and flashes a sad little smile: "We're mourning."

Empire Day would be roughly the day Order 66 happened, right? I mean, I have no idea how space time works so I just assume that. So anyway, they go inside and meet all the other clones from Rex's little Network who sit together, talk and laugh, and many of them, most of them, are doing some sort of pottery. Echo is also there (which doesn't make sense because at this point he would have been back with the Bad batch already, but honestly, I don't care when this happens. Could also be way earlier. Actually, that would maybe be even better, so we can have Tech and Omega on board as well) so after some big hellos, of course the Bad Batch asks what's going on with this pottery stuff. Rex has excused himself at this point, but Echo shows them they're making little bowls and explains that it is part of the ceremony to honor the Jedi. At this point, it becomes a bit awkward for the Bad Batch since they never had such a connection to the Jedi and also experienced order 66 differently. But it gets better when Wrecker asks if he can make one for the little Padawan (Caleb), even though he hopes he survived. Just to remind of him. And Echo beams and says "sure" and shows them the bowl he's making for Ahsoka. He started it, still thinking she died during Order 66, but then Rex found out, teared up, and told him everything. He still makes her a bowl. To remember her. Because wherever she is now, even though she survived, the sassy, lighthearted, funny little commander he knew is definitely dead. So the Bad batch mixes with the other Clones. Wrecker makes his little bowl; maybe Hunter and Omega (if she's there) make one for Shaak Ti and Tech (if he's there) helps with the technical preparations for the ceremony and makes some valuable improvements. (Um, yeah, I have no Ideas for Crosshair. I'm open for suggestions! As said, not following any continuity/timeline here.) In the evening, everything is ready for the ceremony. It goes this way: Everyone who wants to has made a bowl for a specific Jedi, or several bowls for several Jedi, one bowl for multiple Jedi at once, or just one for all of them or no one in particular. They fill the bowls with a special material that will create a colorful flame when burned. Normally, they choose the color of their Jedi's lightsaber.

So for the ceremony, one after another lights up their lanterns, takes them to the little shrine or altar they built, says the name(s) of the one(s) they want to honor/remember maybe adds a little prayer if they feel like it, and then returns to the group to watch the flames leaping up to the sky. A colorful, beautiful mess, so bright, so hopeful, just like the Jedi were. Many bring blue ones for Shaak Ti, their beloved guardian on Kamino, who was killed by the ones she protected and watched over so lovingly. I'm thinking some of the Ryloth clones, the ones from Howzer's squad, maybe served under Mace Windu before they were stationed on Ryloth after the battle, so we get a few beautiful, strong purple flames. Wollfe brings one for Plo Koon, and his hands, ever shaking, now that his mind is no longer trustworthy, are steady when he sets down the bowl. His eyes, that are now mostly clouded by thoughts he can't voice, are clear for once as he remembers the brave man he fought side by side with, that he knows died wrongly even though his mind, corrupted by the chip for far too long, won't let him believe it. Cody's Hands (of course Cody is there, why wouldn't he be?) on the other hand are shaking as he brings forth the bowl he made for his general. It's not the only one for him on their little shrine, but it is probably by far the brightest and the most detailed. "Obi Wan Kenobi", he says, his voice is not shaking, but it's oh so quiet. He swallows hard and thinks for a moment before he adds: "Wherever you are right now… be safe. I miss you. I'm so sorry, love." And he wants to say so much more, but he doesn't know how, and now it's too late anyway. Echo's lantern for Ahsoka burns bright in the yellowish green he remembers, so fresh, so young, and so free. Rex is the last one to set down his lantern. "Anakin Skywalker", he says, making sure to place it right in the middle of the shrine, next to the bright blue flame that is Cody's lantern for Obi Wan and in front of the green one that is Ahsoka's. His voice does not shake, his steps do not falter, as he walks back to the group and turns around to watch the lights. (We see Hunter shooting Rex a quick, slightly worried, slightly curious glance because he's still convinced Anakin and Rex had something going on after that very suspicious scene in season 7.) We see the Bad Batch exchanging glances because they kind of feel like intruders. Because they suddenly feel grief over something they never even really knew. But then again, did any of them? We see Omega holding on to Hunter, deeply moved but not completely understanding why or what this is all about. We have a wide shot of all the clones standing in front of the lights, watching them with varying stages of grief. Some of them look deeply hurt; some of them smile sadly or even relieved as they watch the bright light resembling their friends, their mentors, their comrades, their idols. Only a very few of them are crying. Because even after all that's happened, they're still so strong. So used to the losses. Most of them watch the lights and gain strength. Grow a determined look on their face. They're going to make up for this. If there's one thing they can do, it's fight, so you bet that's what they're going to do. Cut to Rex staring into the flames and putting on his brave face for his brothers. His strong face as the leader. The determined face that makes it so easy, natural to follow him. He stares into the lights and knows this is his fight, the role he plays, the task he is set to fulfill. He is setting himself to fulfill. Their destiny is in their own hands now. And they're going to use it to make the galaxy the Jedi couldn't. It's what they owe them. And, most importantly, it's what they want to do, too. They were made to protect the galaxy, and damn well, they will. Because the Jedi gave them hope. Showed them that it can be different. Taught them to believe in themselves. In the human in every single one of them. 

Cut to the Lanterns burning on the table, the colorful dancing flames, and it slowly zooms in on the bright blue flames of Anakin and Obi Wan burning next to each other.

But it doesn't stop there. It continues zooming in on Anakin's flame. And slowly, through the flickering light of Anakin's flame, we catch our first glimpse of Darth Vader. I'm thinking a Kenobi-like reveal. With dramatically swelling music and then just…breathing.

And then the screen goes black, bam episode over, bam Vader is the villain of Bad Batch now.

I know none of this makes sense, but it made me emotional, so….

Anyway if somebody else is having feels now, go listen to "Goodbye" by Ramsey, it's the song that was stuck in my head while writing this and it makes everything 100 times sadder :).

[mothheart]

appears again with a question :]

do you have super specific hcs for your subspace and medkit? you dont have to answer if you dont want to

- 💫 anon

i do!! i pretty much fit most of them into my fics but i can list em out

medkit:

- i hc him as chronically ill. i don't specify in What Way he is in my fics, but between u and i he has sjogrens, ehlers danlos syndrome, and asthma! (me when i project)

- autism central. i mean its practically canon

- he's non-binary and uses exclusively he/him pronouns (just like me fr)

- he wasn't born 'naturally talented', unlike subspace. he always had to work hard to get places, but he didn't get much recognition for that in his blackrock days, being overshadowed by subspace and whatnot. it wasn't until he joined the church that his skills were truly recognized

- he had very mixed feelings about subspace in his blackrock days. on one hand, he sorta mourned for who he Could Have Been if he weren't so easily brainwashed by their superiors. on the other hand, he found him annoying and too clingy. also above ^ he was jealous of him and wished he could be recognized for his efforts in the way subspace always was. he hated living in his shadow.

- his favorite flavor is lemon! he generally dislikes sweet things but if it's lemon flavored he Will devour it

- when he gets older (around 40s) he has to start using a cane due to his disabilities

- on the outside he acts like he strongly dislikes boombox, but he secretly is fond of him. he's one of few individuals that will actually discuss his love of classical music with him and that means a lot to him

- he absolutely despises the cold, despite originating from blackrock. it hurts his joints and he has no tolerance for it. he thrives in warm weather. he's also one of those guys that's just Always cold. he and subspace cuddle and he puts his cold hands or feet on him and subspace is squealing like a little girl

- he's great with children (i had this hc before his spawnday qna video ok) and would love to be a father.

- he's pretty insecure about his body, but he doesn't really show or say it. it feels too vulnerable for him to admit that

- he really looks up to zuka. they're close friends, and zuka helped him through some really dark times. he constantly wishes he could do the same for him

subspace: (tw for self harm for this idiot) 

- when he could still taste, he *loved* sweet foods. major sweet tooth. polar opposite of medkit. he often gets a lil sad bc he misses his sweet treats 

- the most enjoyment he gets out of food/drink is from caffeine, alcohol, and crunchy things. Yummy Texture 

- he still self harms, but it used to be *extreme*. he didnt care what others thought, and sometimes he would do it in front of others, like burning himself and claiming it was an accident. he liked any sort of attention it would get him, and it also offered him relief from [redacted] 

- he's considered the thought of having children, but knowing he can't even fully take care of himself, he acknowledges he would be a shit parent. hed also rather die than have biological children. 

- he did his own top surgery. no sort of anesthesia. crazy bitch 

- he's depressed but refuses to acknowledge it. he thinks it makes him weak. he especially thinks it would make him weak to take any sort of antidepressant.

- he really likes animals, but he doesn't trust himself around them.

- also asthmatic, but he wasn't born with it. he's got a lot of respiratory issues due to his illness.

- he refuses to see doctors for anything. it doesn't matter that he is Literally Dying. he thinks he's capable of taking care of whatever illnesses befall him (no the fuck he is not!!!)

- bpd haver. medkit is his fp.

- he is Always Hot. he's like a walking heater box. again, polar opposite of medkit. he physically cannot tolerate the heat. has gotten heatstroke multiple times. medkit *loves* cuddling him for this reason

- he uses his very small age and height difference against medkit when he sees fit bc he thinks it's funny

- poor hygiene. largely due to the depression. he relies too heavily on medkit to take care of him.

- he loves to dance, but almost never really finds the time to do it. medkit kinda has two left feet but subspace likes to dance with him (when he allows it) regardless

- big space nerd

- he's tender headed which, as you might guess, pairs very poorly with his poor hygiene. medkit does his best to detangle his hair gently but there's only so much he can do when he gets a rats nest in his hair

[fitzrove]

TdV Hamburg review!!

I saw two shows with the same cast (of note: Vincent van Gorp as Alfred, Kristin Backes as Sarah, Simon Loughton as Krolock) and hence feel like I have a pretty well-rounded view of this production (at least w this cast). I'm glad I went twice because things that bothered me in the matinee had less of an impact on the evening show!

TL;DR - Liked it a surprising amount though not sure how much of that is due to wishful thinking XD In any case, it's leagues better than Stuttgart 2021.

Spoilers/details:

- Sarah and Alfred both hear the "sei bereit" in nie gesehn and Krolock sings gott ist tot to both of them!!! The overall impression is that both are being tempted, Alfred just resists and hesitates more. Which I enjoy hehehe

- I like Simon's Krolock overall, he is a bisexual dirty old man with some Flair akdklsls. The more time goes on the less I like tenor/high voiced Krolocks but he had some great classical singing deep notes so he seems like a good mix, I'll take it. I couldn't altogether sense any Deep Depths Of Pain in Gier but it's ok, not my main fave number in the show anyway.

- Paolo Valenti as Nightmare Alfred is a highlight, and so were the other dance soloists (Ian Vrolijk & Kezia Coulson) tbh hehe. I love Carpe Noctem and they delivered. The choreography seems lots less straightwashed than in covid safety measure times (I guess I can excuse it in hindsight then, since it's proven temporary). Also I always love white vamp's slutty little black lace stockings hehehe

- Vincent van Gorp's Alfred was much better in the evening than in the matinee. I liked him from Sie irren onwards in both shows, but I really need Alfred to have enough of an "edge" to him, some level of seriousness in his devotion to Sarah, and in the matinee he just seemed cutesy and too naive. But his overall demeanor was a lot more to my liking in the evening (save for a few choices which must come from the direction, ie. he sulks and pouts after Sarah tricks the bath from him... I never fail to mourn the deleted verse where Alfred basically says he's into the teasing lol). Bonus points for what I read as lots and lots of repressed bisexuality in vor dem schloss hehehe

- TANZSAAL!!!! We get the best of everything: Alfred tries to run to Sarah at multiple points (most touchingly when she falls to the floor), only stopped by the prof - AND he faints during the bite >:))) and literally fans himself 😌 We also get a reluctant/disillusioned Sarah, which is my preference

- Kristin Backes as Sarah is great, she reminds me a lot of Sarah Brightman (in the poto music video which is all I've seen of her). Amazing vocals (even in roten stiefel which gets pitchy with so many Sarahs), convincing arc, no notes 😌

- Oooh another fun thing: Nightmare Solo 1 was covered by Herbert in the show I saw (Jonas Steppe was off so I had Andres Vercoutere, he did great), and Nightmare Solo 2 is a woman!!! (Anne Hoth). Very enjoyable, their voices mix so nicely >:)

- I had the pleasure of seeing Anja Backus as Magda once again (she was one of the big solid wins of Stuttgart 2021 for me, even if some other things in that prod were quite lacking). And idk I think everyone who sees her unanimously agrees that she slays 😌😂

- ANYWAY to return to individual scenes...... What sold this prod for me the most was the combo of draussen 2 (mostly in terms of Sarah and Alfred) and the electric finale (which you can't really fail at if everyone gives their all, which they did). In draussen2 Sarah was soooo fun (the switch seemed natural and hmm shall we just say that everything she did after that was pretty hot) AND ALFRED. Omg alfred... I really like how it went for him hehe, very bloodthirsty, lunges for the professor three times before Sarah stops him... The thing about this prod is that he kind of pulls Sarah close and they kiss super romantically (thats what I think I saw) before agreeing to maul the audience - which they go to do hand in hand. And like mmmmmmm this is why I watch this show!!!! It's about the Central Dark Romance (😂😎 sorry i'm annoying about my ship on purpose but omg I feel so vindicated) and the level of loss of morals and depravity it took to finally get there... ahhhhh