#i think maybe if i got over my anxiety and just. dressed go please myself more i might feel better | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

simp999 · 2 years ago

Text

All good things come to an end

Ship: Arven x GN!Reader

Series: Pokémon

Word count: 2.6k

A/N: Please bare with me in with the slow beginning, it gets better I promise

Warnings: A few short sentences that hint at Arven having an anxiety attack

Themes: Hurt/Comfort, fluff, friends to lovers, bit of angst

Taglist: @5centsanhour @ultranimallover33

Masterlist

“Hey, would you like to hang out today?”

“I’m so sorry Arven, but I’m fully booked with fan meetups and interviews. We’ll have to try again sometime soon, okay?”

Alright, not a big deal. He can just try again some other time.

Arven hung up the phone and put on some more comfortable clothes, now deciding to stay in for the day. He had hoped to take you out to lunch today, so he dressed a little nicer than usual. It made sense that you were busy, being champion and all isn’t just about having battles and doing whatever you want. Mabosstiff looked up at him, a little disappointed since he liked spending time with your Pokemon, and was itching for a battle soon.

⚛》》》》》◆《《《《《⚛

“Hey buddy, are you down to go to the park? Mabosstiff wants to see you.”

He felt bad bugging you again only two days later, so he figured he’d try to persuade you with Mabosstiff.

“Ahh, I’ve got a battle with an important trainer from Kalos in a few minutes, and I hear she’s got a strong team. I’m not sure how long the battle will last, so I can’t make any promises for today. Sorry, Arven!”

No dice. Alright, maybe he just has to give more of a heads-up before meetings? It’s gotta work one of these days.

⚛》》》》》◆《《《《《⚛

“Hi again champ, wanna make sandwiches together on Wednesday?” He was hopeful about this one, planning all of it out.

“Oh! That sounds fun! Let me see my calendar- aw shoot, I’ve got lunch with Geeta where we plan on discussing some league things. I’m sorry Arven, maybe some other time?”

Arven had already planned all around that timing, not like he had much else to do, so he made an extra two sandwiches for later, just in case.

It couldn’t be that you were avoiding him, right? You two were so close and worked so well together while fighting the titans, you must really just have a busy schedule, right?

He ate his sandwich alone, never being able to clear his mind of your image.

⚛》》》》》◆《《《《《⚛

Arven was out shouting moves for his Pokemon to use the next time he saw you. He was close to calling out to you, but decided against it, remembering how it’s been lately with your busy schedule. To his surprise, as soon as you heard his comforting voice and caught sight of his unique hair, you ran right over to him, calling out his name. You didn’t catch the way his smile grew slightly bigger.

“Oh, hey! I figured you’d be busy today, what brings you here?”

“This is like, my only day off this week. It’s been terrible lately, not a minute to myself!” You keep complaining about how all of a sudden everybody needs you to make decisions for the league, to do interviews, make ads, try on stupid clothes, go to all these dumb meetings, and so on. The both of you take a seat on a bench nearby and you eventually get to mentioning that you came here to train, since you’re got a handful of trainers you have to battle soon. You absentmindedly begin to run your fingers through Mabosstiff’s fur.

Arven always loved how you cared so much for Pokémon, always treating them with respect and going out of your way to treat them with such care. He never missed the way you’d scratch behind Mabosstiff’s ear because you noticed that he really liked that, or how you’d always offer your Pokémon their favorite treats after trying new, difficult things or winning a hard battle. Or even when you’d offer to heal up a trainer’s Pokémon for them, and not be afraid to call out those who didn’t respect their own Pokémon. It seemed like it came so naturally to you, and Arven truly thinks you’re perfect Champion potential, even with all the complaining.

“Sorry about the rant, I’ve just been so pent up lately. How’ve you and Mabosstiff been? Taking good care of yourself?”

Your tone was so sincere, you definitely did care about him and thought of him as a friend, right? You surely couldn’t have been avoiding him with how honest you sound right now.

He begins your guys’ first actual conversation in weeks, glad to finally be able to catch up with you. You were always so hard-working, especially during the gym challenge and while taking down Team Star, so you ended up not having much time with Arven back then, either. Actually, the only time you ever did get to hang out with him was when you were battling for your lives against the Titans. At the odd time, he was able to get his eyes off of the danger in from of him and take a glance at you, while you were completely entranced in the battle. He could tell that that was all that was on your mind, and he probably barely existed to you in those moments.

The sandwiches afterward were another story though, savoring every bite and being sure to thank him and his godly sandwich-making skills over and over. He cherishes those moments with you. He didn’t get to see that wide smile after beating a Titan very often and adored the way you would sway from side to side a little when you were extra glad about how tasty his sandwich tasted.

But all good things come to an end eventually. With a short call from Geeta telling you about some rogue pokemon that was hurting people, you were off in seconds.

Arven comforted Mabosstiff after hearing a whine from him, sad that you left so quickly. Well, at least he was able to get a few minutes with you.

⚛》》》》》◆《《《《《⚛

The next time he tried to call, he was turned down immediately. Maybe you were on a call already? So he tried again a few minutes later, with the same outcome.

And again a few days later.

Same problem a week later.

And then two, then three. 'Why can’t I get ahold of you? Did I get blocked by you? Did you really hate that last meeting you had, and never wanted to talk to me again?' No no, that’s going way too far. But why, just why are you ignoring him? Maybe they just need some space, he thought. Arven put down his phone with a shaky hand, pulling his blankets back over him, ready to waste another day away. Mabosstiff comes to cuddle him, letting Arven bask in his warmth, hopefully gaining some kind of comfort. The stinging in his eyes may not express his gratefulness, but at least he has one buddy that always sticks around.

⚛》》》》》◆《《《《《⚛

Meanwhile, you’re in Galar, visiting for a few weeks to challenge their strongest trainers. There’s an event going on, and lots of strong trainers and champions are all meeting up. Your mind is completely occupied with planning out sentences for when you meet these people and coming up with strategies for when you battle these people. Leon’s Charizard knows a grass-type move, so using a rock-type might be good. Man, you also have to consider other stuff like abilities and what strategies your opponents might attempt. So bothersome. The time difference isn’t helping either, and all these new people are giving you a headache. You know that most of these people are going through the same things, but you’ve all gotta sit, smile and act professional.

You finally get back to your temporary hotel suite, hoping to get some rest for the day. But of course, with no time to yourself, you get a call from your Public Relations Team. They’re the people who are meant to promote and protect your brand. They also get to control ‘unwanted’ notifications. Without them, you’d be getting tens of thousands of notifications from whatever social sites and random people trying to text and message you. It turns out that there's this one person that has been trying to contact you, and one of the newbies thought that it was some rando. They’ve realized how grave their mistake is when the entire top three floors of the hotel can hear you shouting into your phone.

There’s a good chance that this decision may end your career as a Champion and may even get you banned from lots of places, but that isn’t even a thought in your mind right now.

You have to go see Arven now. Your face is burning with the frustration of a thousand suns, and the private jet’s pilot taking you home doesn’t even want to risk breathing wrong, or he might get thrown off.

Once you land, you have one of your bigger pokemon carrying you, running around Paldea as fast as possible while on the hunt for Arven. You’ve now calmed down and are now moreso in a state of panic rather than frustration, hoping that everything’s alright and everything is going on just as usual. You knew that he didn’t get lots of comfort growing up, and you knew that he didn’t have many- or even any- friends. You truly hope that he had just forgotten about you at this point. You’ve tried time and time again to call Arven, and nothing. You turned on your notifications and prayed to Arceus that he’d get back to you.

There he was. You had finally found him hours later. He was sitting at his picnic set up, feeding Mabosstiff the last piece of his sandwich. The biggest sigh of relief left you as you hurried over to him, putting a gentle hand on his shoulder, ready to explain and apologize to him.

Arven immediately recognizes the hand and stands up abruptly, feeling immediate anger bubble up within him. Swinging his arm forcefully to get your hand off of him, a yell leaves his mouth and he sends you flying.

He takes a step back to intake the situation and feels instant regret, his conscience getting back at him, telling him that you’re still a person too, and he has no reason to lash out at you like this.

Then he catches the watery look in your eye and how tears threaten to fall. 'Did I… did I hurt you? Why is it so loud all of a sudden? I hurt my closest, my only friend? Everything’s so bright, why do I feel nauseous? Did I hurt the only person who was ever even somewhat close to me? No, no, NO! Please don’t leave me, I didn’t mean to hurt you. Please, please stay with me. I need you. Please comfort me. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for bugging you and being so annoying, I'm sorry for making you fight the Titans, I'm so sorry for-

Arven feels warm arms wrap around him. One goes up to pet the top of his head, while the other rubs circles on his back. He slumps into their body without any thought, his mind going blank. Gentle fingers continue to make their way through his hair, and the circles being drawn on his back don’t stop. It’s the only thing he can focus on right now.

With the softest voice you can muster, you begin to talk.

“Arven, sweetheart, I know I apologize often, but I mean it every time. And please, please accept this as my most sincere apology, I am so very sorry for not being here when you needed me most. I always wanted to spend time with you, but I let other things get in the way of that, and foolishly accepted that.”

You weren’t hurt by him, not at all. Well, on the outside at least. You felt so very bad emotionally for what you’ve put him through, and can’t bear it anymore. You take a deep breath in and encourage Arven to do the same. He slowly tries to accept the situation and sits on the ground. You sit on Arven’s lap and continue to hug him and run your fingers through his hair, then bring them to cradle his face in your palms as comfortably as you can, to make sure he’s completely focused on you. He absentmindedly rests his head in your palms and nuzzles into them.

“It’s okay, I’m here now. I will not leave you anymore. I’ll stay here for as long as you want me to.”

You let go of his chin and bring his head closer to you for a comforting hug, you sit there in silence.

Until the inevitable happens. You feel a vibration in your pocket and contemplate even taking it out to hang up. You end up letting go of Arven with a soft ‘sorry’, and your hand makes its way to your pocket.

'Hey, are you just trying to toy with my emotions? Is this really just going to happen all over again? Did everything you just say mean nothing to you?'

You take your phone out and answer on speaker. Geeta is fuming and insists that you must be at the champion dinner and that this is incredibly unacceptable and blah blah blah.

Without a care in the world, you utter your next sentence;

“Alright, sure… as long as I get to bring Arven as a date.”

The silence coming from the phone and Arven would be deafening if you even cared a little about what she’d say. Worst case scenario, she starts yelling at you through the phone and you hang up on her and continue to cuddle with Arven, or, best case scenario;

“Fine. Hurry back over to Galar, you should make it on time if you leave in less than an hour. That may give you time to get prepared for the dinner itself.”

As much as you want to stay and comfort Arven, you’d much rather bring him to the Champion dinner as a sign of rebellion. And as a sign of love towards Arven because you are bringing him as a date, but that’s not important.

You quickly stand up and offer your hand to Arven, silently asking him if he accepts your offer to this ‘date’. He grabs your smaller hand, and you’re off to pick out your nicest clothing and hurry over to Galar.

⚛》》》》》◆《《《《《⚛

You and Arven are at long last sitting down, picking away at the fancy food in front of you after such a hectic day.

“Finally.” Arven lets out a sigh of relief, everything that just happened eventually processing.

“Hm?”

“I hope this means we get to spend more time together.”

“I’ll make sure of it. I’ll apologize for being away so much and not being better, and I’m ending that cycle right now. I’ll be there for you whenever you need me, even if I’m just a phone call or text away. I was definitely clear about you being an important contact, so there’ll be no more mix-ups.” You try to lighten the mood, and also want to clarify how important he is to you. Maybe what you said wasn’t enough, let’s try that again.

“Hey.” Arven focuses on your serious expression, as well as the way your hands meet his.

“I’ve loved you this whole time, and I’m going to act on it now. I’ll hug you whenever you need me to, I’ll give you a kiss on the cheek whenever you want. If you need some words of comfort, I’m here.”

“...And if you want a date? Well, I’ll just have to clear my schedule.”

2.11-12.22

4.5hrs

#Arven #arven pokemon #arven fanfic #arven x reader #arven pokemon x reader #pokemon gen 9 #gen 9 #fanfic #x reader #pokemon #pokemon x reader #friends to lovers #simp #angst #fluff #hurt/comfort

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stefanmikaleson1864 · 2 years ago

Text

3 Months

A/N: Requested by @courtney-reagan

I really hope you enjoy this !!!

P.S. If you like my work please comment like and reblog it means a lot to see interactions on my work

911 X Reader

Can you do one where Bobby and Athena’s daughter is kidnapped from Daycare by someone trying to get back at Athena?

Athena’s POV

3 months. 3 long months since the last time we truly left the house. It was safe there. It was where I could protect my family.

But lately I was struggling a lot and spiralling. I was working this big case and it wasn’t just affecting me anymore.

This case was a drug trafficking case. Angelo Lupo was the headmaster behind it. One by one we were scooping up the fishes. Angelo didn’t like that though. He couldn't do business without them.

One of the little fishes ratted me out. Told him who arrested him and they put a hit out on me Bobby ad the kids. Apparently, this Angelo man had a lot of connections we didn’t know about.

My family was involved now and seeing those two worlds collide was hard. I felt like it was all my fault. May and Harry were with their dad. He took them out of state so that was one problem you would think was off my plate.

But it wasn’t i was always worried this son of a bitch would find them. Then I also had the problem that Bobby and Iris were still at home. Iris was me and Bobby’s daughter and she was only 5. I couldn’t ask Michael to take her to so she was home with us.

I couldn’t eat and I couldn’t sleep. The constant anxiety was over me. Bobby kept telling me that i shouldn’t worry and that I needed to try and act normal for Iris. She could tell something was off and we didn’t want to keep her scared.

I knew he was right but actually working on it was a lot harder than I ever thought.

There wasn’t much activity going on this past month. Maybe something happened to the guy. Maybe he ran out of the state so he didn’t get caught.

Today was a good day to put what Bobby was saying to the test. We both had work and there was no one to watch Iris.

I tried putting work off as long as I could. Hell we both did but we didn’t have any more time left.

Bobby told me to put her in day care that she would be fine. I was trying to trust him.

Neither one of us could take more time of work. So i needed to put my trust in someone else to take care of Iris.

I could tell she was also ready to leave the house to. It wasn’t fair to her either. She needed her friends back and it wasn’t good for her to be stuck up in the house. So we were getting her ready to go to day care.

She was excited and I was trying to be happy for her to. She was running all around the house signing and dancing and it felt like the old her was finally coming back to her old self.

Bobby was packing her lunch and I was getting dressed for the day. 3 months was what i kept telling myself. 3 months sense any activity. Why would anything happen today.

“Let’s go mommy i’m ready” Iris yelled to me breaking me out of my thoughts.

“You got this it’s all gonna be okay” I told myself in the mirror.

I grabbed my stuff and headed on down. Iris was all dressed up and had her lunch box swinging in the air. Bobby was waiting for me at the bottom of the stairs.

He was smiling up at me and damn that smile could always get you. I walked down the stairs and wrapped my arms around him. He pulled me closer and pulled me into a kiss.

It broke when Iris yelled out

“Ew that’s gross let’s go” She said scrunching up her face.

We broke apart and laughed and headed out the door. I was nervous but i didn’t wanna show it. I didn’t want to take away Iris being happy.

Bobby drove the way down. Iris was smiling out the window and she looked adorable and it did make me feel better seeing her so happy.

The daycare was about 15 minutes away but it felt like it was a lot longer. Finally after a while we reached in and Iris just about flew out the car.

We stopped and all got out.

“Hey baby wait up” I yelled out.

“Ugh fine” Iris yelled back

She ran back to us and Bobby bent down to her hug her. She wrapped her little arms around her and hugged him back.

“I love you baby have a good day” Bobby said.

I walked over and bent down to meet her to. I placed my hand on her face and smiled up at her.

“I love you to have a good day dad will get you after his shift” I said

“I love you to mommy and okay” She said in her little voice.

She hugged me and i hugged her back and have her a good squeeze.

“Now go on your friends miss you” I said

She ran off and i tried to keep my nerves calm. Bobby looked over at me and smiled

“You did good” He said wrapping his arm around me and kissing the top of my head.

“Yeah for now” I said back

We both got back into the car and Bobby was gonna drop me off at work. I was praying for a normal day. Not that those really exist anymore.

I didn’t even realize that we had pulled up until Bobby had broken me out of my thoughts.

“Babe you ready” He said

“As ready as I’ll ever be” I said chuckling and then got out the car.

Bobby got out with me and then walked over and gave me a hug. He kissed the top of my head.

He let go and looked down at me and smiled

“Your going to do great now go in their and kick some ass.” Bobby said

“Yes Captian” I said grabbing him by the waist and pulling him in for a kiss.

We pulled apart and i grabbed my stuff. We said our I love you’s and I went into the office.

I was meant with the usual sad and upset looks. Which was expected honestly. I went to my station and sat my stuff down. I was on desk dusty pushing paper work. I tried to look on the positive of it but it was hard.

A good couple of hours had passed and things weren’t getting better. I was bored everyone was being different towards me.

I decided to step out and get some air. And as i was pulling out my phone to look at it the phone started ringing and my heart stopped beating when i saw it was Iris’s daycare.

I hurried up and answered

“This is Athena” I said

“Athena Omg the police is on the way we tried everything” Her teacher said on the other line.

“What the hell is going on” I asked pure panic in my voice.

“A man came in he had a gun he made us get into a room and I tried to grab Iris but he wouldn’t let me” She said all in one breathe

“I’m on my way” was all i got out

I ran back in and went to the desk sargent. I barely also got a breath out trying to explain what happened.

“They took her” I said

“They took my baby they took her. Get the damn swat and every officer you can to 34th and 6th st. It’s Angel Ark daycare” I said.

I didn’t even hear him call in. I just ran out of the building and into a squad car. I turned the sirens on and i did 100 miles all the way down.

It usually takes about 15 minutes i got there in 3. That’s how fast I was going.

I stopped the car in the middle of the street and meant some other officers on the scene.

“Do we know anything” I asked.

“Were searching the cameras trying to see something sergeant.” One officer said.

“Try harder” I said walking away.

I walked over to her teacher who was with some kids trying to calm them down.

“What happened” I asked

“A man came in he had gun he shot a warning shot in the air and he made us all get into a room. And then he grabbed Iris and kept the gun on us” She said in tears.

“Thank you” I said touching her arm.

I was on my way in when Bobby cut me off

“Athena what the hell is going on” He said

Panic and worry all over his face.

“They took Bobby they took her” was all I could get out.

“What who” He asked

“Who do you think” I said

“What are we gonna do” Bobby asked

“Were gonna get her back he just got her he couldn’t have gotten far we closed down the area and were gonna have search times on the ground” I said

“I can take the truck out we can look you know keep an eye out” Bobby said

I knew he couldn’t just sit there. I mean what parent could

“Yeah that’s a great idea go” I said

I looked over at Hen who had a worried look on her face and i gave her a nod telling her to look out for him.

I walked into the day care. I don’t know what I was hoping to find but anything would be something. I looked around the scene and there wasn’t much there.

I decided to go to the cameras and see it for myself. I could feel my tight clenching and my palms sweating.

I walked into the office and sat down. I took a deep breath and pulled up the footage. I fast-forwarded to the time it had all happened.

My poor Iris her face looked so scared. It broke my heart so bad. But the man he had a limp and he had on a red bracelet. He looked familiar and I was trying to place it.

I kept re winding and then playing it again. Hoping to see if something anything would.

Then finally after the 100th time it hit me. Like a bomb went off in my head.

“It was him Angelo Lupo” He was a part of the team I took down he was close with his boss.

I knew the hell these people weren’t done. But I also knew that they kept a stash house close by here.

I was hoping this dumb ass was stupid enough to take her there. It was a place that was familiar and that he knew.

I pulled out my phone and called Bobby

“4876 Glendale ave check there bust every damn door they have” I said

“On it” was all he got out.

I ran out after them and got back into my squad car. I sped all the way down there sirens blasting.

I pulled up the house the same time as the 118 did. Me and Bobby both ran out and up the house. He kicked the door down and we kept quiet. He went up the stairs and I was checking the down stairs.

The upstairs was clear and I crept down the basement. My heart was beating fast and I could feel the anxiety growing closer.

I walked down the stairs slowly. I made it to the bottom and I saw her. My baby girl was laying on the floor. Her little hand was tapped to the pipe and it looked like she was sleeping.

I walked around the corner slowly and Angelo was sitting on the chair on his phone Dumb Bastard. Out of all things he was watching Tik Tok videos. He had no idea what was waiting for him.

I slowly walked over to him and cocked my gun on him.

He looked up and he was hella shocked.

“Your under arrest you sick son of a bitch” I took the gun and pistol whipped him in the head. He dropped his head and was unconscious. I took out my handcuffs and took his arms and arrested him.

“Bobby i got her” I yelled out.

A few moments later he ran down and ran over to her. I ran over to and Bobby checked her pulse. She’s fine it’s good.

Then he pulled out a knife and freed her little hand. We then pulled her into a group hug and smothered her with kisses.

Bobby then picked her up and carried out her out the house. Hen and Chim were waiting by with the stretcher.

“Were take care of her I promise” Hen said.

“I know” I said

I held her hand and followed them in the back. I walked into the back of the ambulance. Chim had on full sirens.

Hen worked on put a IV on her and was giving her some medications I knew nothing about. I just kept my eyes on Iris. Thinking if i looked away she would disappear.

We made it to the hospital in no time. When we rolled up the doctors and Nurses were waiting for us.

I didn’t want them to let her go but I also knew they had their work to do. Me and the rest of the 118 gathered in the waiting room.

I couldn’t sit still and neither could Bobby. I couldn’t believe my worst fear had become true. I never should have left her.

Bobby looked like he was reading my mind. He got up and walked over to me and grabbed my hands.

“There was nothing you could have done” He said

“We could have stayed home”I said

“What for the rest of our lives and look she’s gonna be fine and now you got that sick son a bitch and it’s over” He said.

“We don’t know she’s okay he could have drugged her with god knows what” I said

“Yeah well I can’t think like that right now our little girl needs us and she needs us to be strong” Bobby said

I knew he was right. I knew my baby girl needed me to be strong. I just didn’t know how to do it.

Bobby grabbed my hand and pulled me into sitting down. I sat in the middle between him and Hen and they both grabbed my hand.

It made me feel a little calmer feeling their touch.

A little bit later one of the Dr’s came in and we all jumped up when we saw her.

“She’s fine her toxic screen came back negative and all her labs came back normal. Which is good she probably just had a paniac attack she got scared and it made her tired.” The DR said

When she said that I felt my knees get weak and a wave of relief washed all over me. Bobby grabbed me up and I looked up at him. He looked down at me and he was smiling hard.

Everyone was cheering and hugging each other after they heard the news.

“See I told you she was gonna be okay” Bobby said

“Can we see her” I asked

“Of course follow me” The Dr said.

We got up and followed her down the hallway. I was getting anxious all over away but in a good way.

We finally made it and when i walked in my baby was sitting and smiling watching tv. Of course she was happy she always was.

“When can we take her home” Bobby asked.

“I want to keep her until tomorrow just to make sure she is okay” The dr said.

“Okay thank you” I said

We walked over to her and Iris nearly jumped out the bed when she saw us.

“Mommy and Daddy I missed you” Iris said

“We missed you to baby” I said

“Me to love bug” bobby said

We both leaned in and gave her a big hug

“You guys are hurting me” Iris yelled.

“Sorry” We both said.

Apparently it was to big of a hug.

Iris grabbed my hand and and she looked up at me

“Is the bad guy gone” Iris asked

“He is not coming back ever Mommy took care of him” I said

“Good” was all she said.

Then the whole 118 piled in after that and they were all hugging on her and showering her with gifts. Buck even brought a whole ballon Bouquet. Which Iris ate up she was in heaven.

Everyone was here and Everyone was going to be okay I told myself.

3 Months Later

3 Months had passed and Iris was adjusting okay. She had the nightmares and the nights she was sleeping with us. Which was to be expected. We got her a therapist to help her process everything.

May and Harry were back home and it felt complete. Being all together again made me feel complete.

Angelo was arraigned and took a plea thank god. I was glad because Iris didn’t have to go through it all over again.

I stayed home to help everyone adjust to what had happened. I was working on going back to work to soon.

Knowing he was put away did take a lot of my plate. And I was anxious to get back out on the field. Everyone told me where it was i belonged and I knew they were right.

All i could keep thinking though was how 3 months could change everything, But I knew together as a family we could face anything and everything.

#911 x reader #911 imagine #911 fanfic #911 one shot #911 fox #911 fic #Athena Grant #athena grant imagine #athena grant one shot #bathena #bobby nash #bobby nash imagine #bobby nash one shot

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electricgoldtendercare · 2 years ago

Text

confession.

hi babes!! i’ve been working on this one for ages and finally finished it yesterday. it’s a joel miller au where he is a priest🧍🏼‍♀️😇. definitely sacrilegious so please avoid reading if that can be a trigger for you!! basically just filth! maybe a part 2 coming if anyone is interested? tia 💗

MINORS DNI 18+ ONLY

warnings: smut, pure filth, religious terms, reader afab, gendered terms, oral male receiving, slight voyeurism??, sex in a church, i’m so sorry, praying so hard after this one, age gap (24 & 56), more of my terrible endings, not super edited,

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Okay, you can do this. You’ve confessed so many times before. It’s simple. You tried to convince yourself as you walked up the steps to church. It shouldn’t be different, should be the way it usually was but something was different. That something being the new Priest, the man who prompted you to even need to confess in the first place. Father J, that’s what he liked the congregation to call him. Everyone immediately fell in love with him, all the women whispered that he was handsome and all the men wanted to invite him over to their barbecues. You hadn’t been immune to his charm either, that being what got you into this mess. 24 years old and marching up the church steps to confess to probably the most embarrassing thing you could think of. You should have dressed up a bit more, clad in your work uniform and messy hair tied up in a bun. Just tight jeans and a fitting t-shirt that proudly displayed the name of the restaurant you worked at across the chest. Church was meant to be judgment free but you knew if any of the old ladies in the congregation saw you walk in that way you’d be the talk of the week until another young woman did something that they deemed worse. Regardless, you walked to the front of the church and found the confessional with the door open, inviting you in to make a fool of yourself.

Stepping inside, you shut the door behind you and settle into your seat. scratching at the denim of your jeans to release some anxiety. “Good Afternoon and Bless you, my child.” You hear, his voice bringing you comfort along with more stress. “Hi…” You sigh, remembering your next words. “Bless me Father, for I have sinned.” You say quietly, looking towards the wall between you and seeing the outline of his head and broad shoulders. “Go ahead, confess your sins.” Going quiet to allow you to confess. You take a deep breath, preparing yourself before speaking up. “I don’t know..exactly how to say this. Ever since you came to our church, well, your church now, ever since then i’ve had these feelings. You obviously know, ok well maybe you don’t know, but you’re very handsome. All the women in the congregation talk about it like all of the time.” You laugh and you hear him chuckle quietly, you wouldn’t have been able to even hear him if you weren’t in such a confined place. “Anyways, i’m sorry. This is weird for me to admit..” You whisper. “Would it be easier if we were face to face?” He asks, “No! No, I'm sorry. No, sir. I think my face would be far too red telling you this to your face.” You admit, taking yet another deep breath before deciding to just come out and say it.

“I had a se-explicit dream about you and I haven’t stopped thinking about it since. I’m so sorry. I feel so so bad!” You say, bracing yourself for the man to raise his voice or leave the cupboard for you to sit in silence with your filthy thoughts. You notice the air around you change, becoming more heavy as the seconds tick by. Finally, after what feels like forever he speaks up. “I-There’s no need to apologize, this is why i’m here.” His voice is strained, an octave lower than normal but you were far too embarrassed to even notice. “Just this one dream?”

“Yes…well, no. Father, please forgive me. I keep having this same dream: I find myself daydreaming about it when I know I shouldn’t. I tried to tell my mom but she told me I should come share with you so…yeah.” The man next to you nods slowly, letting out a shaky breath as he attempts to compose himself. He knew it was you over there, he had seen you walk in and through the rows of benches closer to where he was.

“I see…Well, dreams of that variety are common. I have people coming in all the time to confess them. Do you remember what happened in this dream? and these daydreams..” He was toeing a very thin line, knowing that what he heard next might not be easy to sit still during. As much as he attempted to be immune to thoughts about sins of the flesh he was just a man, a man who had a beautiful young woman admitting something like this about him, to him. Your cheeks turn bright red, not having expected to be asked for specifics. You had been prepared to confess and then forget it ever happened, but here you were opening your mouth to explain the dream to your priest. Your sweet, kind, handsome priest…No! God Forgive me. You were just going to have to live in the confession box if your thoughts kept moving that way.

“Okay well..” Here goes nothing. How specific were you supposed to be?? “It starts the same every time..you ask me to stay after mass to help you with something. Once everyone is out of the building..i’m helping you put the hymn books back. Most of the time I feel you come up behind me while I'm putting them away…your hands touching my waist and I can feel your breath across my neck.” You reach up to rub the back of your neck instinctively, trying to ignore the steady heat that was beginning to burn in your belly. “After I would feel your breath I'd..I’d…it’d be your lips on my neck. Kissing and..and sucking.” You whisper, not daring to look over at him. “Go on..”

“Well you’d leave a lot of marks..all over my skin. I remember one you said that you wanted everyone in the congregation to know how much..how..oh i’m sorry, father but how slutty I was being for you..”

“Shh, it’s alright.” He whispers, voice deep with something you couldn’t put a finger on. It couldn’t have possibly been lust, could it? “Would it make you feel better if you came and sat with me while you told me more?” He asks and you think on it quickly before nodding. “Yes Father. That’d feel better.” You say and leave your side, walking around to the side of the confession box he was in and stepping inside. Bodies were close together, fingers brushing over each other as you found a place to stand. “Kneel, my child. Then continue on.” He orders, voice still soft and kind which makes it easier for you to follow his direction. You put your hands on his thighs to steady yourself as you knelt down in front of him, cheeks bright red at the compromising position. He nods his head to urge you to continue and you take a deep breath before you do. “This happened in the dream too…all over the church. You’d ask me to kneel and pray but it always ended up with…well, you know.”

“Use your words.” The voice came out gruff and more pointed than it had been, catching you off guard. “Oh, um. It always ended up with your co-with me on my knees giving you a blowjob.” You whispered the last word, even if the way he was staring at you made you want to admit every dirty thought you had ever had about him you still felt like you should have some shame.

“Are you thinking about it right now?” He asks, hands laying gently on yours where they held his knees. You stared at his hands, slowly letting your gaze wander up to his face where you found his pupils blown out and his lips parted ever so slightly. You weren’t sure where the situation was going, preparing yourself for anything as you slowly nod. “I am…I’m sorry.” You whisper and you hear him let out a shaky breath. One of his hands moves to push your hair out of your eyes, fighting himself in his mind over what to do next. He absolutely should kick you out, apologize for letting it get so far out of hand but he was frozen, unable to glance away from you. His fingers move down your jaw and you lean into his touch, feeling his thumb brush over the side of your mouth which causes your lips to part, head pathetically turning to find the finger to wrap your lips around it. Keeping your eyes on his, you start to suck on his thumb slowly and surely, letting all of the desire drip out of you and into the action. Your eyes found his once again as you used your tongue and lips around his finger, the digit becoming coated in saliva as you did so. He let his other hand move to the back of your head, a gentle touch turning into a grip on your hair to keep you in position as you worked his thumb. You felt so filthy, your knees aching from kneeling in the confession box as you hollowed out your cheeks. You felt the urge from your chest and down between your thighs to please the man in front of you in any way you could.

He pulls his thumb out of your mouth, a trail of spit connecting it to your lips and away as he did so. You lay your head on his thigh, staring up at him expectantly. You were pretty sure that you’d do absolutely anything he asked in that moment, mind clouded with lust and senses overwhelmed with the scent and feel of him. Gone were the worries of even having these feelings for your priest, all you wanted was to be a good girl for him and the feelings were stronger than ever. You open your mouth to ask him what he’d like from you next but the words died out when you both heard the door to the chapel swing open and shut. His eyes filled with panic as he glanced between you and where the footsteps were coming from. You squeeze his thigh to get his attention and mime a zipper closing your mouth before throwing out the key. It looked as though he was about to make you leave but the other side of the booth was filled before he was able to make the decision. “G-good afternoon, and bless you child.” He says, shaking his head at the way he was tripping on his words. You thought it was cute, the way he seemed so nervous from here, though you were sure whoever was in the booth next to you would never guess.

“Forgive me Father, for I have sinned.” You hear, trying to decide the best way to make your next move. You slowly slid your hands up his thighs, dangerously close to where you could see a tent in his pants just waiting for you. You stifle a groan when you feel his hands grip your wrists tightly to attempt to stop you, sending you a warning glance as he listens to the member. You stop, but only for a moment before you let your fingers brush over his covered member. You went teasingly slow, partially to tease him but also so he wouldn’t trip on his words in the middle of his prayer. You were unsure where the newfound confidence was coming from, maybe the way he was reacting from your touch was encouraging you to keep this up, keep up the act of being over confident when in reality you were not. You make careful movements to undo the button of his pants, moving extra slow with the zipper so it wouldn't make any noise. Once it was down you were able to see the outline of his cock in his underwear, licking your lips subconsciously as you let your hand lay against it with the lightest touch. His hand was still on your wrist, gripping tightly but not moving you. You’d have a bruise in the morning and the thought brought you more excitement than anything else.

At a lull in the conversation you took a deep breath in preparation before sitting yourself up on your knees and leaning over to press a small, open mouthed kiss against the clothed outline. It felt warm against your lips and you had to suppress a giggle when you felt it twitch against your touch. You feel his stare watching your every move, like a lion about to attack it’s prey. You let your mouth wrap around the tip, using your tongue to slowly soak the fabric that proved as a barrier. You quickly look up through your lashes and notice it seems he has stopped breathing, bringing a smile to your face and causing pride to grow through your chest. You slide your mouth up and down his length, coating it in saliva and enjoying the way the outline becomes more prominent. You hear the boring lull of whoever was next to you drone on, a reminder that staying quiet was the safest thing to do. You pull back, watching him curiously as you slowly slide two fingers below his waistband and start to pull them down. You wait to make sure he won’t stop you, that he wants this as much as you do. He only nods as he keeps speaking and soon you have his boxers pulled down, letting his cock spring up before you.

So, you’d never actually seen one in person before and the way it stood proudly in front of you gave you pause, the newfound confidence you had was dissipating until you just felt nervous. Sensing a change in you, he raises an eyebrow as if to ask if you were still wanting to do this. You nod back almost too quickly, taking a deep breath before moving forward. You feel his hand on the back of your head and watch as his other wraps around the base of his cock, guiding it to your open mouth. You feel him rub the tip over your lips, biting down roughly on his own. You let him hit the tip on your tongue a bit, feeling as though you could moan simply at the taste of him. This was so much better than your dreams, the weight of his cock on your tongue and the way his hand gripped the back of your head harder each time was better than anything you could even imagine. “Suck” He mouths the word and you nod obediently, wrapping your lips around the swollen tip. You let your eyes flutter shut as you did so, reveling in the feeling before you felt a yank on your hair. Your eyes pop open quickly and looked at him with concern, had you hurt him? had you been caught? You watch as he points to his eyes and then to yours and you nod in understanding. Maintaining eye contact, you wrap your lips around the tip again and take it fully into. your mouth, using your tongue to lick the leaking slit like you’d seen in films you certainly shouldn’t have watched. You watched as his lips moved but you were too focused on the way your own stretched around him to hear any of the words he was saying. You felt his hand that was on the back of your head pushing against it, taking more of him into your mouth. You could only hope that what you were doing was good, that you were pleasing him in a way he deserved. You wished you could hear the way you were making him feel but you had to rely on the way his hand gripped the back of your head and the look in his eyes. You vaguely can hear the confessional door shut and footsteps walking away from the two of you. You pulled up, staring up at him expectantly.

“You’re doing so well, how about you keep going?” He asks when the door to the church shuts and you nod eagerly, fueled by the praise he had given you. You take his cock back into your mouth and finally you hear a deep grunt fall from his lips and land right between your thighs. You test out a small moan, letting your lips vibrate against him which brought out another moan from the man above you. You were sure you could die and go to Heaven…well if you weren’t already fairly sure sucking off your Priest in the confession box took away your invitation there. Though his moans may be the most heavenly sound to grace your ears and you wanted to be the one to elicit such sounds from him forever. Soon the booth was full of the noise of your mouth working his cock, having ventured down further to take as much of him as you could, his hand helping you stroke the rest of his length as you did so. “Such a good girl.” He would mutter, the hand not gripping your hair brushing across your forehead and down your cheek, admiring the way they hollowed to take him in. You felt his hips stutter against your hands and glance up at him with a questioning gaze. He nods in response, looking like he was about to ask you a question but stopped himself. You pull off slowly, keeping your lips close enough to brush against the tip as you speak. “You can come in my mouth..” You whisper before wrapping your lip back around him once more. That seemed to elicit the response you wanted from him as you hear his moans speed up and his hand grip your head the hardest he had yet. You pause your movements just long enough to let him maneuver his hips up to thrust into your mouth, once, twice, three times and he was letting out a string of whimpers as your mouth filled with his cum, struggling to keep it all in.

Once he was seemingly done, you take your time licking up his length to clean him up, planting a soft kiss on the head before sitting back on your knees and wiping your mouth with a thumb. You look up at him with a proud but shy smile, watching as he tucks himself back into his pants and lean back against the wall. There was evident struggle behind his eyes, one you could tell was from fighting himself over what had just happened and if he was strong enough to stop it. He reaches forward to pull you up, helping you sit on his lap and face him. He pushes some of your hair back out of your eyes when his own land on your now extra plump lips. After what felt like a minute, he was pulling you close to press your lips together. Your heart raced even more than it had being on your knees for him and you let your hands lay on his chest as the kiss deepened. You took note to remember how his facial hair felt against your skin, the pattern of his now calmed breathing, even the way the fingers on his left hand fidgeted as you kissed. Your skin burned where he held you and you were sure you could stay there forever. Unfortunately for both of you, you needed some air. No words were shared as you both caught your breath, chests rising and falling in time with each other. Suddenly there was a loud ringing and you realized it was your phone, your mom calling you specifically. You compose yourself before answering, letting her know you’d be home for dinner soon but leaving out the specifics of where you had been. You knew she wouldn’t be upset that you went to confess but you were sure if she asked you about it later you’d have no way to hide the flush on your cheeks as you reminisced.

“I better go..” You speak, staring at your priest with a small pout on your face. His thumb finds your bottom lip, rubbing softly to rid you of the sour expression you held. “Go see your family, it’s important.” He says and you nod, opening the door before stepping out into the empty church with him behind you. You saunter towards the front doors before turning on your heel to face him, twiddling your thumbs a bit “Thank you, Father.” You says sweetly, leaning up and kissing his cheek before quickly turning to leave the building. He watches you as you make your way towards your car, shaking his head a bit. He signs the cross as he walks inside, heading straight to his prayer cabinet to repent for his sins and the ones he was already thinking about committing with you.

#joel miller #joel miller x you #joel miller x reader #joel miller x oc #joel tlou #joel miller x y/n #joel miller fic #joel miller au #joel miller smut #tlou smut #read this #joel miller story

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anonimusunnoaniswriting · 4 months ago

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Well here's part 2! ( ≻⸝⸝⸝≺ ྀི)

How can I deny a nice cup of tea and a massage ? There's no way. I thank you dearly.

You and Nanami probably gonna kill me with a huge sermon about not working overtime to which I have been doing more, and my poor health has been less healthy. I should say. But I'm managing it and taking care as much as I can. At some point I'll slow down a bit with the extra shifts.

May I adoringly nickname you as my Wifey now ? Is that okay ? Instead of Workwives we are Ficwives? (⁠ ⁠◜⁠‿⁠◝⁠ ⁠)⁠♡

Gonna start tagging our conversations as "The Miscellaneous Misadventures and Mischiefs of Noni & Kat", watcha thing about that ?

Take all the time you need about posting fics, sweetie. I follow discontinued stories and some that I have been waiting for idk three+ years to be continued ? I'm very patient in waiting even with my chronic issue problems. Like anxiety. Your slow cooking is worth the wait and it's gonna be delightful! (⁠｡⁠♡⁠‿⁠♡⁠｡⁠)

Please if I start yapping too much just tell.me to shut up that I'll go back to my void corner. But I would like to thank you, Bacon and Mrs Haitch and other dear moots that slowly got me into asking /interacting / talking more around here. You've all been so dear and welcoming ! You have no idea how that has affected me! Idk how many years I've been here, and I'm always dead silent. I just leave little thank you's and a small comment or notes on something. So thank you for adopting this stray cat.

It's wonderful people like you and them and your wonderful stories that have kept me going all these years, doesn't matter if it's an image, drabble, one shot, a whole 100 + chapter fic, that brings so many times comfort from the harsh real life world.

I am immensely grateful to have meet you, and for having you as a friend! And them included. (⁠◍⁠•⁠ᴗ⁠•⁠◍⁠)⁠✧⁠*⁠。

Please do be feral ! It can happen always at anytime whatever the circumstances! I love and support feral ladies and everyone else ! Don't hold back ! Go absolutely gnawing feral over the things that matter for you and that you like talking about.

Now pouring the Tea !

I should leave you hanging a bit longer just for the pleasure of torturing you a little bit. But I won't. I might have the murderous resting face but I'm a softie by heart.

What can I say ? Before my brain fried ?

The little bit I observed, because yes I am shy and introvert irl, I barely talk and keep it mostly to myself, but I have a error on my code, depending on what happens, I blush easily (yes yes I know here am I 25+ blushing so bad that sometimes the tip of my ears get pink too, its horrible, there goes my bad face facade through the window) and sometimes my colleagues try to get that reaction out of me, which is hard because I know how to hide well. But sometimes like this, there's no way of denying and oh boy did they get a kick out of it, it was the talk all day. lol

It's a small bakery coffee shop, nothing glamorous or like Starbucks. It's local. Since the town basically revolves around tourism on the weekends usually it cramps up a bit. But mostly it's just the same old costumers.

But this guy never showed up here, on the shop. From the little I could observe, because usually I slyly avoid too eye contact much. He's tall, I would say early 50's ? Dark brown hair with some silverfox strands showing. A five o'clock shadow of a beard. Very well dressed, and accompanied. Yes yes. What you think about this glimpse of him ? I guess handsome in his ways ? Idk. But he was so polite.

Maybe one day I get lucky enough to meet someone with Nanami vibes, and things happens just as you described ?

Thank you for interacting with me ! Form your support and friendliness! I appreciate it so much, blessed be sweetie ! (⁠◍⁠•⁠ᴗ⁠•⁠◍⁠)⁠❤

With love,

Kat

My beautiful Love,

You're in the absolute correct place. In a perfect utopia, we would never have to work overtime, we would be fed and taken care of, and the world would not be the shit show that it is today.

Unfortunately, for us, we do not live in such a world and are forced to trudge to our places of work everyday. Slaves chained to a never ending unrewarding system that drains the very soul out of our selves.

Regardless. You must prioritise yourself, my love. You must. Because you are a ray of sunshine in this world and you should never be dimmed.

It goes without saying that I will keep writing. Keep creating. Whether it's a short or long or one like or smau whatever. Writing is everything to me. (It's actually going to be what 10 years of my writing and postings online I think ahahah) And though I'm not big and popular i don't care because interactions like yours MAKE MY DAY.

Darling.

I LOVE coffee shops like that. It sounds like a dream! Oh I'd love to meet "the one" in such a place. I have gobbled more coffee shop au stories than I can count and just love it. Keep em coming. But again, please look after yourself also.

Our Coffee Shop Silver Fox (CSSF) sounds totally daddy! Terribly attractive men who just breeze in and out being polite as shit are my actual honest to god weakness. Like marry me. Right now good sir pit a fucking ring on it.

I don't blame you for being flustered, I would be too!

And I hope you don't mind me saying but, my love, you sound gorgeous jsjs. 🫣🫣🫣

Stay safe, look after yourself, and make sure to drink enough water and eat your meals on time lovey.

Yours, in prose,

Wifey🩷

I wanna tag real quick here @uchihasanctuary and @pseudowho because they deserve to know you're a cutie who thinks about them too. (But we all know u love me mostest, right... ? )

#the adventures of noni and kat #youre not a stray cat. youre my well fed tabby now.#i cant type yhe whole thing baby girl its too long and im dead sleepy.#i love u cutie.#my ficwife.#anonimusunnoan #anonimus answers your questions.#asks

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in-my-feels-probably · 2 years ago

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hello & congratulations on 1,000 followers!❤️ could i please request a romantic ship (option two) for bridgerton? and i don’t want eloise or any of the parents lol. my name is noelle & i’m a bisexual cis female (she/her pronouns). my fav romance tropes are arranged marriage & forbidden romance, and (i think) my love language is acts of service. i’m also an entp & gryffindor! i LOVE to travel & i value experiences over possessions. my family is very important to me and i also really want to have children in the future but not necessarily get married. i’m a people person but i enjoy having some quiet time to myself. i like think i’m pretty nice, but do not cross me 👀 also, my dream job is either a comedian, working in film or something to do with traveling <3 i’m also considered “the funny one” & the ‘wild child.’ i like to go out and party a lot with friends. i also struggle/have struggled with anxiety, depression, substance abuse & eating disorders. i love to read books and write (mostly scripts & poetry.) i love my job as a barista and i also enjoy going on spontaneous adventures! i love camping, swimming and anything to do with nature. i have a navel piercing, a sagittarius (my zodiac sign!) arrow tattoo below my neck and a fig tattoo on the back of my arm. my style is very 70s mixed with early 2000s. i thrift basically everything i own. i’m 5’3 & have dark blonde hair with blue eyes, i’m pretty chubby but i have a great ass lol. thank you so so much!! :)

hi!

thank you for participating :)

since you don’t have a gender preference, i’ll tell you who i ship you with both out of the boys and the girls. but i’ll do the whole blurb and stuff for who i think you’re better suited for.

i ship you with anthony and kate! i’m gonna go with anthony for this though, hope that’s alright :)

an entp gryffindor screams the type of woman he would be into. he’s always known he’d have to marry, if not for love then for his family. he’d understand his duty, just like you understand yours. i think he’d really appreciate how much you value family, and how you wouldn’t pressure him to marry you. loving him and wanting a future with him is enough, you don’t have to marry to know you love each other. of course, he probably would push for it anyways just because he’d realize how much he loves you and likes having you around. his family would like you too just because of how you make him act around you.

he’d love a woman with a lot of bite. he’d never feel like he has to guard or protect you, at least verbally. you’re more than capable of doing that yourself. he needs someone to stimulate him, someone capable of banter. he’d love talking to you and showing you off at gatherings. he does really enjoy some social gatherings, but there’s times where he wants to go home and be alone too. he’d understand you feeling the same, and be happy to tell people that he’s going home to spend some alone time with you. whatever you chose to do together, he’d be happy. whether that be reading to yourself, our out loud to him. sitting in the gardens, going horseback riding. it wouldn’t matter, as long as he was with you.

i think anthony would really understand mental illness. after his fathers death, and the treatment from his mother, as well as the new pressures of becoming the lord of the family, he’d have so many new burdens. there’d be moments where he felt like he was drowning, unable to pull himself up to the surface. but you’d always be there to pull him back up, and he’s of course do the same for you.

maybe one day, either you or him weren’t having a great day. but there was a ball that evening, and you both begrudgingly got dressed. that night, you’d head downstairs in your finest to see there was no carriage awaiting you.

“anthony?” you’d call, and he’d waltz in from the back door. “where’s the carriage?”

he’d grin, holding out his hand for you. “we’re not going.”

“what? your mother will be furious, you know we’re expected to be there. for eloise at the very least, we can’t leave her there alone.”

“mother is more than capable of chaperoning,” he’d say, pulling you into the backyard. “and if not, benedict is there as well. i think they can survive one night without us, don’t you think?”

you’d sigh, letting him pull you. “and what are we to do tonight, then?”

“other things…” he’d grin, kicking of his shoes. you’d fall his lead, kicking off your heels.

hand in hand, you’d run through the gardens, laughing as you traipsed through the flowers. he’d huff as he chased you, laughing until he couldn’t breathe. he’d sit down on the swing, looking up at you with a toothy grin.

“push me, darling.”

you’d laugh, rolling your eyes. “as you wish, my lord. as you wish.”

—

hope you enjoyed this! thank you again for participating :)

#anthony bridgerton #anthony bridgerton x reader #anthony bridgerton imagine #bridgerton #bridgerton x reader #bridgerton imagine #1000 followers celebration #1000 followers #followers celebration #1k followers celebration #1k followers

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raggedy-anne4013 · 1 year ago

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To the people at the swimming pool

I'm just going to put a Trigger Warning here for people who have Vicarious Trauma or Compassion Fatigue because of their job or experiences. This is a bit of a rant used for me to debrief and process and should not put your mental health at risk.

To the people at the swimming pool, if you see a screaming child having a violent meltdown, maybe you don't have the whole picture. Maybe it's not the best idea to judge them before you get the whole story. Maybe it's not the best idea to judge them at all.

"You haven't even talked to them the entire time you've been dressing them", you say. Have you considered this child can't hear and comprehend the words you think I should be saying. Have you considered that this day has already sucked enough without someone commenting that we're horrible people. Have you considered that maybe you don't have the whole picture.

It's not up to me to justify myself to you but I will try anyway.

The day we were 'evicted' out of the swimming pool, the two four year old twin boys in our care had been 'stood up' by their bio mum. As two boys who had intellectual disabilities and anxiety, they couldn't understand why things were not going to plan. The boys were incredibly dysregulated and struggling to communicate. As a treat, we decided to take them to the pool because it always calmed them down and helped them to regulate. They were so excited. The lady at the swimming pool gave the boys and me passes to swim. The boys quickly got into swimmers and started having fun.

Then the lifeguard came over. "You are not allowed to be in here", he said. "These boys need someone over 18 to be in the pool with them. You ned to get out". My mum didn't have her swimmers. The last time we had come to the pool, the rule had been that someone over the age of 16 could supervise (which I was at the time). We were told that we had to leave the premises. "The lady at the front desk hadn't told us," my mum tried to say. "If there was a change in the rules, shouldn't we have been notified?"

Apparently not.

May I tell you that getting two already dysregulated, very strong, Autistic, and not comprehending boys out of the swimming pool is no easy feat. Screaming, kicking, punching, tornadoes. The lifeguard just watched. The lady at reception just watched. The people in the pool just watched. With great difficulty we got the boys to the change rooms. We tried to get them into normal clothes (the pool had a dress code for the foyer). My mum had brought easy to put on clothes so this was not the biggest issue of the day.

But then the comment. Numerous elderly ladies sat in the dressing room. "You haven't even tried talking to them". The boys were largely non-verbal at the time. They couldn't understand much of our conversation on a good day. We had tried using Key Word Sign earlier, but they were to distressed to comprehend our hands moving. Our priority was getting out of the swimming centre so that we could provide other tools for regulating the highly distressed boys.

We left the pool centre and my mum burst into tears.

This is not okay. Mum-shaming and judgement and lack of accommodations and unwillingness to help is not okay. This happened a long while ago now but it still hurts. What was reiterated to me on that day is that people are not understanding of, accommodating to, accepting of and inclusive to those with messy behavioural, mental, intellectual and unseen disabilities.

These boys were judged for one of their worst days. My mum was judged for one of the boys' worst days (as if that makes sense). I'm not trying to be like one of those incredibly frustration 'Autism mums' telling you 'look what I had to deal with' but instead imploring you to please, please, please don't judge and please help someone regardless of their current state.

#tw meltdown #tw judgement #please hear me out #don't judge pls #the world is hard enough without your judgement added on top

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missvixen88 · 2 years ago

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It's been a stressful year

Where do I start?

December 2022 I went to Turkey to gastric surgery. Because of my underlying health conditions, I couldn't lose weight. I tried the gym, swimming, nutrition classes, calorie deficits, intermittent fasting, exercise at home, walking and it goes on and on....

Surgery was my last resort. In a way I'm glad I did it though, the surgeon and nurses were fantastic and the hospital and services i received were exceptional! Since then, I have lost 4.7 stones! So happy with that progress so far :)

That's not to say it's been easy, I was on a full liquid diet for nearly 3 weeks, pureed/soft food for 2 weeks and then slowly reintroduced more solid foods, staying away from things that have a lot of sugar and fat. My body feels more alive now than it has in years. Here's to more weight loss so i can reach my ideal weight.

In other news, my fiancée and myself have booked our wedding date, 1st November 2023. Great news right? It's kind of bitter sweet. We have booked and paid for the wedding in Florida, our favorite place in the world and it's where we got engaged. Problem though is most of family won't come :(

My mother has health concerns so won't fly, the rest of my family say they can't afford it even though they've had 18+ months notice. I know at the very least my father has said he's coming and maybe my sister. To be honest, the only 2 people that really matter are my parents and with my mother not able to travel, it hurts.

I told her I could book a venue when we return so others can join who weren't able to make the actual wedding. At least then, she can still be a part of the festivities. However, I'm under so much pressure about when and where this venue will be. I'm being told what I should have, not what we want. I thought your wedding was your choice? You decide on colours, schemes, dresses, venues etc. I appreciate input and advice but when people are trying to take over and plan it like they think it should go, it's getting me stressed to the point of cancelling the whole thing.

I've spent the last few days crying over this. I know wedding planning is a stressful thing but isn't it also suppose to be enjoyable? Instead, I'm sad, angry, stressed and hurt. Is this really worth it in the end? Should we just elope and have no family there? Saves on a lot of time, effort and money. Am I being unreasonable by wanting our wedding to go the way we want it to go? I'm being made to feel selfish and I'm starting to feel like an outsider to my own wedding!

Where do I draw the line? When do I say 'Fuck it all?'. Surely there's some silver lining somewhere. Stephens family have all booked their flight tickets and hotels, no hassle, no issues. My family still haven't booked anything and prices keep going up. It'll get to a point when they won't come because of expense. I've offered to pay for my father but he will not accept any money from me.

I'm suppose to be going bridesmaid dress shopping this weekend with my mother and niece but I don't know if it's worth it now. My niece who is suppose to be my maid of honor, I don't even know if she's coming. One minute she is, next she isn't. I've lost 2 bridesmaids who aren't coming. The only confirmed bridesmaid I have is Stephens niece. I am literally at my wits end, frustration doesn't even begin to cover it. I'm not coping with this mental turmoil very well, the resident depression and anxiety doesn't help I know but all this is making it worse.

Do I live my life comfortable knowing that I have the perfect man at my side, that marriage is just a piece of paper? And to please everyone around me, knowing they won't have to spend money etc. Or do I do what makes me happy? Something I've dreamed about since I was a little girl. Knowing full well that with only 6 months to go, the stress is only going to get greater and greater. Is it worth all this angst? Who knows?

Also in the process of buying a house and selling the one we currently live in, adding more head fuckery.

Someone save me!

#wedding #bridesmaids #florida #stress #family #marrige #maid of honor

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mawofthemagnetar · 2 years ago

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Written in the Diorite

WARNING: Implied/referenced character death, a possibly-incorrect depiction of exposure therapy, implied violence, unreality, existential crisis, and psychological horror.

Doc had prescribed it, you see.

It was called “exposure therapy” and it apparently helped with...well, that was where Doc had lost him a bit. Iskall had looked it up and exposure therapy wasn’t really used for “soul-deep hatred”- it was more meant for overcoming fears or anxieties.

But hey, if it helped, it helped.

He shouldered his rucksack, shrugging a bit as he walked up the hill towards Bdubs’ monolith. One night in a diorite tower, Doc had said. Exposing him to the thing he hated would hopefully lessen his hate of it. Sounded good in theory, but then, so did a lot of things.

Iskall shrugged and walked towards the tower.

Bdubs was waiting at the door with a slightly…pinched…smile on his face.

“You got everything? You okay?” Bdubs said nervously. He started tweaking his forefinger with his other hand, wrapping it up and bending it back and forth- a classic Bdubs stress tell. “If you don’t wanna do this, I mean-“

“No, I think- Doc’s right. This has gone on long enough. I need to do this for myself.” Iskall said firmly.

Then he looked up at the monolith and his guts lurched.

The diorite stared down at him, accusingly. White and ugly and awful, blinding him with its hatefulness. He felt the bile rise up in his throat, the desire to just reach into his ender chest and extract some TNT and wipe this hideous mistake off the-

No. No. Calm down, Iskall. Calm down.

Doc…had a point.

Iskall took a deep breath.

“I got my overnight bag, so I’ll be fine. I even brought my own bed. Make sure my carrots get watered, okay?” He said, and Bdubs nodded.

“Yeah, sure. Just…think of it like a little mini base swap!” he said brightly, still jerking his forefinger around. It was starting to look a bit painful.

“Yeah, exactly!” Iskall said brightly, “I…I have to do this. For myself. And if it doesn’t work, then it doesn’t work. You’ll see.” He said with a smile, stepping up the stairs.

“Just don’t, uh…don’t…blow the place up.” Bdubs said nervously, “Please. I worked hard on that.”

Iskall chuckled, and threw his last ender chest at Bdubs’ head.

“Here. There you go, bro. Now I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”

Bdubs’ shoulders fell in relief.

“Alright. Have fun! Maybe you’ll learn to like diorite!” he said brightly.

Iskall nodded and slammed the door behind himself.

He put his pack down on the floor.

And he blacked out.

~*~*~*~*~

Eight hours of absolute silence followed. Bdubs was starting to get worried. Rather than staying at Iskall’s starter base, he whipped together a humble little tent on a hill overlooking his monolith. A humble little tent with a spiral staircase and a bath big enough for three, but humble enough for his purposes.

Also moss instead of wool because he ran out of wool but the point was it was a humble tent and he was staying in it.

The dawn broke, and Bdubs crawled out of his tent in his (Moss) bathrobe, toothbrush in one hand and eyes on the horizon.

His monolith was still there. Thank god.

He shakily opened his console and typed out a message.

<BdoubleO100> Iskall? You good?

<Iskall85> yeah I’m good. great actually. Had a good sleep!

Bdubs smiled. Okay, awesome. Maybe Doc was right! Exposure therapy was good. Maybe next he could build a little something out of birch and prismarine to help Keralis get over his own issues?

He brushed his teeth in the ensuite he’d built (every humble tent needed an ensuite), got dressed, and skipped up the hill to his monolith. Everything looked fine on the outside. Lulu was happily snorting and snuffling at the grass, the flowers were happily swaying in his garden, and oh yeah, his house was still perfectly intact.

Bdubs raced up the steps and burst in through the front door without bothering to knock. It was his own damn house, he had nothing to-

…to…

“Hallo, Bdubs!” Iskall said brightly, looking chipper and hearty and none the worse for wear, “Sleep well last night?”

“…Y…yeah…” Bdubs said, his eyes going wide as he scanned over the walls.

“Great! I’ll be honest, I don’t remember a lot about last night, but I feel pretty good! Honestly, I think Doc’s right- this exposure therapy thing really works. I mean, sort of. I’m even thinking, maybe- maybe I’ll use some diorite myself in one of my builds!” Iskall was heading for the door, cheerfully oblivious to Bdubs’ panic.

“M- maybe- maybe-“ Bdubs stammered, and Iskall nodded.

“Yeah! Maybe I will! Anyway, thank you so much. I did my best to tidy up. See you!”

And with that, he slammed the door.

And left Bdubs alone in his monolith.

Staring at the walls.

BDOUBLEO100 was scrawled on the nearest one in Iskall’s hand, in some kind of paint or marker or something. A scrawling, sprawling message, twisting all across the diorite, gleaming black pen on stark white stone.

Bdubs’ hands started to shake.

His entire life was scrawled out in the penstrokes, things Iskall couldn’t possibly- his birth, his mother’s sickness after, the time he fell off his dad’s shoulders and split his chin open-

Tumbling off a log, skinning his knee-

School, friendships, first kiss, first date, the first build, his comm-

And then-

bdoubleo lends diorite monolith to iskall

bdoubleo reads summary of his entire life

bdoubleo cries in terror

bdoubleo will run for help, scream

bdoubleo will-

Bdubs’ eyes fell lower. And lower.

Build after build, season after season, and then he- and then-

He dies and respawns and dies and respawns and then at the bottom corner of a wall the words abruptly stop and he reads, he reads, his death, his eventual-

Tears started leaking from his eyes as he spun around, and saw, and saw,

DOCM77 CREATED IN A

MUMBO JUMBO BORN TO

GRIAN HATCHED FROM

KERALIS1 SPAWNED FROM VOID PRIOR TO

XISUMAVOID CLONED FROM-

Bdubs ran out of the monolith, screaming till his lungs were raw.

#Hermitfic #Iskall fic #Bdubs fic #Magnetar writes #cw unreality #cw existential crisis #cw psychological horror #cw death mention #cw horror #I couldn't restrain myself after that episode #i didn't do much research into exposure therapy so i'm sorry if it's extremely wrong #it probably is #i just had to write you know #enjoy

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mercy-burning · 4 years ago

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Fake Fiancée

Pairing: Spencer Reid x fem!Reader

Summary: Spencer is left waiting at a bar when he gets in some trouble, and meets a woman who offers to help him out in more ways than one.

Category: SMUT (18+)

Warnings: Language, virgin!Spencer, car sex/exhibitionism, handjob, brief mention of edging, penetrative sex, unprotected sex, degradation kink, minor voyeurism kink, dirty talk (If I missed anything, please let me know!)

Word Count: 7k

MASTERLIST

NOTE: Hi, there!! Most of you have been extremely excited about this one since I shared the idea for it a few weeks ago, and so I’m glad to finally get to release it for you!! There’s a playlist here for you to check out if you’d like some ~vibes~ and over on @mercy-midnight I shared a few visual inspirations last night, so check them out if you want! Thank you for all your enthusiasm over this fic, I hope it lives up to your expectations!! 🥰

***

I've always loved the rain.

And it was definitely going to rain soon. How soon, I wasn't entirely sure, but as I made my way into the bar, taking one final breath of fresh air before it would inevitably be taken over by alcohol, greasy food, and way too much cologne, I could smell it. Cool and fresh, waiting to serve as some type of fresh start, to wash away all the hard shit and give me a clean slate.

The gaudy ring on my finger was one of those hard things I wished I could wash away. At least, it had been for a long time. Patrick never asked for it back after he left, and I'd had every intention of pawning it off, but I started noticing—after a few nights out where I'd tried to get hammered and nailed—that it scared everybody off.

I guess no one wanted to fuck a married woman—and a drunk married woman at that. Even if she technically wasn't even married anymore. Which I found all particularly odd considering my experience with men in the past has proved to provide me with extremely low standards.

It'd turned out to be a blessing in disguise, though. Sure, it might have taken me longer to completely get over Patrick and the mess he left me, but rather than losing myself in the lonely company of strangers, I forced myself to reflect and move on, to take each day in stride and take time for myself. Could I have just taken the ring off and gotten laid? Absolutely. But being on my own like that was the wakeup call I didn't know I'd needed.

And now, almost a year later, the ring sat tucked away in my jewelry box until I wanted it— usually when I knew I was going to the bar with every intention of getting hammered and not nailed. There were the occasional persistent players, but they were few and far in between, and if all else failed I resorted to smiling sweetly at them and lying, saying my "husband" was a cop. That shut them up pretty quickly, and by that point I was ready to leave anyway.

Like I said, blessing in disguise.

After a long day at work being called in on a Saturday, a few drinks at Waterson's sounded like a perfect way to end the night. I'd gone home, showered, ate dinner, and got dressed before taking a walk down the block and crossing the near-packed parking lot. The air was quite muggy despite it only being around forty degrees, which was the first indicator of rain. The second was the smell, of course, which I'd always been fond of, and the cobbled pavement had some type of haze around it that served as the final confirmation of my theory.

Honestly, I was hoping to get caught in the rain on my way home. I couldn't tell you why, exactly, just that the idea of walking home in the rain gave me the most excitement I'd felt in a long time. Life was great at the moment, of course, but between work and my less than ideal commute there on the train every day, I think I was due for a little excitement.

That excitement, naturally, started once I opened the door to the bar, taking a step inside and quickly being smacked in the face with the smell of fried everything. A small smile crossed my lips as I went in further, jumbled conversations, glasses clinking, and music humming softly behind the sharp snaps of pool balls being shot forward with the cue completing the picture.

I walked up to the bar to find Carla standing behind it, and I smiled at her. "I didn't know you were working Saturday," I called to her as I approached.

The brunette looked over at me and beamed, her teeth as perfect as ever. "Y/N, I didn't know you came in on Saturdays! How've you been?"

I took a seat at one of the barstools, nodding as I set my wallet and my phone down. "Alright... Work's a bitch, of course, but when is it not?"

"Yeah, I hear that. There's only so much relentless flirting I can take." We shared a good laugh at that before she nodded. "What can I get you?"

"A beer?"

"You got it."

I turned around then, surveying tonight's crowd. Waterson's was decently sized— definitely not as big or popular as the other bars in the city, but it got enough traction on the weekends, and even on Tuesdays when they had open mics. As my eyes wandered, they passed over all kinds of people. Women in tight clothes and men all over them, large groups of friends over by the pool tables who were betting and yelling with large smiles on their faces, old men by themselves in some of the tucked away corners... Anyone you could think of, name it and they were there.

One scene in particular caught my eye, though, and I thought about leaving it alone, but my gut twisted when I noticed how obviously uncomfortable the person was and how there was no one around who seemed to care enough to say or do anything.

Sitting alone at a rather large table was a guy who... no offense to him or anything, but he didn't look like he belonged here, not alone anyway. With a formal button-down short sleeve, meek stature, and a pair of glasses sitting atop his nose, he was an easy target for the two men that were towering over him as he sat, eyes averting them while they conversed. It could have been nothing, but occasionally the man in the glasses would flinch or look around nervously like he was waiting to be rescued.

Not that I wanted to rescue anyone or anything tonight. But he reminded me of someone being stood up, and from experience I knew how embarrassing that was, especially in a space crowded with other people who could obviously see what was happening to you. I hated Patrick for standing me up time and time again, and it wasn't until this waitress once intervened and offered some advice that I started to understand just how fucked up it was. That didn't make it hurt any less, of course, when he inevitably said he was moving across the country and dropped divorce papers on my desk at work, but still... The talk gave me some clarity.

Whether or not this man was actually being stood up or not, it was obvious that he was uncomfortable, and I figured he could use some help.

And I had just the plan.

I watched the scene until Carla came back with my beer, at which point I turned to her with a smile and got money from my wallet.

"Hey, could I get another?"

***

"No, you specifically told me 8pm..."

"I'm pretty sure I told you 9..."

I sighed, glancing around briefly at everyone and everything around me before speaking again, almost yelling into the speaker over all the noise. "Maybe you meant 9, but you told me 8, so I'm here. Alone!"

"Hey, look, I'm sorry, Kid, alright? But we're not gonna be there until 9, so... keep yourself busy until then? Let loose, have a couple drinks..."

I could hear the smirk in Derek's voice just as easily as I could picture it in my head as I sighed out a, "Fine," and hung up. The whole situation significantly raised my blood pressure, not to mention my anxiety— It wasn't hard to see that I stood out here. Bars were most definitely not my scene, and the only reason I'd agreed to go in the first place was so that I could try something new. Expand my horizons, as Penelope had told me right before I caved and agreed to accompany her and Derek on their little outing. I'd even drove my car here, a move I rarely made, as a start.

But now I was sitting alone at a booth, a glass of water in front of me and this twisting sensation in my gut that usually came to me when I didn't know what was going to happen.

I leaned back in my seat and sighed, staring down the glass of water as my cellphone tumbled around between my hands. All I had to do was wait here for an hour and remind myself over and over that eventually I'd be with people that I knew, people that I felt comfortable around. Only an hour.

One hour...

One hour, one hour, one hour... It was a chant in my head that went through different pitches and speeds until it was interrupted by a loud, "Hey, you!"

It could have been for anyone, but it was right next to me, and I knew when I wasn't wanted somewhere.

Sure enough, I turned my head to see a rather large man, a football player-type if I had to guess, wearing a grey tee shirt that hugged every muscle. There was a beer in his hands, and someone next to him, another man slightly shorter but still definitely athletic, held what looked to be a glass of hard liquor. By the looks on their faces, it was obvious that they were looking for a fight.

And it was also obvious that I was the easiest target in the whole bar.

One glance at the clock across the room and above their heads told me that I still had 54 minutes until my friends showed up, and that meat I'd either have to give these men whatever they wanted, tell them I was just about to leave, or attempt to pull the "I'm a Federal Agent" card, which I knew would probably get more laughs from them than a simple, "Sorry," and an exit.

I was about to run through every outcome of tonight's events in my head when the bigger guy spoke again, making me jump.

"Hey, m' talking to you!" He was drunk, most likely toeing the line between sobriety and a fist fight if I wasn't careful.

"I—Is there something you need?" I asked, hoping that if I could get this over with quickly, they'd leave me alone and maybe I could get out of here...

He mocked my voice in a way I'd heard more than once while growing up, and though I knew it was childish of him, saying more about him than me, the action got to me more than I cared to admit. Call it intuition, but when a nearly-drunk guy two times your size starts picking on you like a kid and you know he's just looking for a fight, the odds aren't very good when you're someone on the smaller side like me— Federal Agent or not. And he wasn't an unsub. He wasn't someone I could pick apart and just hand over to my team once I pushed back his defenses. If I picked this man apart, he'd likely throw a punch at my face.

Of course, I could get him arrested for assaulting a Federal Agent, but... Obviously I didn't want to get punched in the face.

As soon as his mumbled mockery of my words ended, he punctuated them with his own. "Yeah, I'm thinkin' I need you to find a new place to sulk. Go to the library or somethin'."

His friend laughed beside him like he'd just said the best comeback anyone's ever heard, and that alone almost made me laugh. Though, I knew that might have gotten me into more trouble.

Speaking of, I probably should have just got up to leave. That would have been the perfect time to say, "Okay," get up, and drive home. Sure, Penelope and Derek would have probably given me crap about chickening out, but I'd have avoided getting beat around or ridiculed further by these morons, so it was overall a win, right?

But my stupid mouth didn't agree with what my brain was thinking. "Oh, well, um... I'm waiting up for some friends, they should be here soon—"

"You have friends?" the other guy retorted before I could finish, and he looked proud of himself for it.

"Look, I don't care who you're waitin' on, pal, Right now you're alone, so I want y—"

I didn't see it coming. I couldn't have seen it from a mile away, never dreamed of anything like this happening in a million years. It was certainly not one of the possible outcomes to the night that I'd had in mind. And actually, even if I'd had any time to prepare for it, seeing the woman walk up to us with two beers in her hand and the biggest smile on her face, I still wouldn't have believed what was happening.

She blocked me from the men's line of sight, sitting herself promptly on my lap as she set the drinks down. "Hey, babe, I'm back with our drinks," she chirped, leaning forward and stopping just under my ear, whispering. "If you play along, I can get them to leave you alone..."

She didn't even give me any time to process, quickly pulling back, but not before kissing me firmly on the cheek, leaving my face in a warm flush as she turned back around to survey the men, who I'd quite frankly forgotten about once she pressed her soft lips to my skin and set her hands on my chest.

What the fu—

"Who're you talking with?"

Her voice was so... low and smooth, and it sent a flood of warmth throughout my whole body. If I could have bottled up her voice to drink, I would have. But instead, I settled for the beer she'd brought, grabbing it and chugging down four big gulps even though I hated it.

"You're with this... loser?" the bigger of the two men said, and truthfully it was the first time all night I'd well and truly felt inadequate in front of them. Sure, I knew I'd stood out, that physically I was weaker than them, but I also knew that deep down they were just drunks looking for a fight. I was better than that, regardless of whether or not they'd almost bullied me into leaving the bar.

I didn't have a problem with who I was, but when it came to women, I was pretty much a total wreck. I'd only ever kissed someone once, and much like back then, this woman was absolutely stunning and completely out of my league.

The man was right to be suspicious.

"Excuse me?" my savior retorted, standing up off my lap and removing herself from me completely. I exhaled, trying hard not to look like I was just as shocked as they were as she tore them a new one. "This loser happens to be my fiancée. And I'd watch what insults you're throwing around— You're the ones going around some bar picking on someone you don't know like you're middle schoolers. Now grow the fuck up and back off before I take your drinks and shove them so far up your asses you'll still be able to taste them."

Truthfully I was surprised when they didn't back down. The bigger guy scoffed, his eyes raking the woman up and down with a wicked glint in them. "Y'know, maybe if you ditched him and got fucked by a real man, you wouldn't be such a bitch."

And once again, I was stunned by her ability to quip back quicker than lightening. "Maybe if you weren't such a childish prick, you'd actually get fucked in the first place. Now back. The fuck. Off..."

While I should have been more grateful that her words got them to scoff and turn away, a small, absolutely random part of me wanted to hear her yell at them some more. The longer she did it, the warmer my body got, and the second I started to put together why that was, I chugged more of the beer that was currently resting in my shaky hand.

It was even worse when she turned around to face me again, her radiance and beauty intimidating me in an entirely different way than those men. She wore a simple black dress that complimented her figure extremely well, minimal makeup and jewelry, and her hair was pinned back, showing off her neck and collarbone.

If she hadn't just helped me out, with the way she was looking at me I probably would have wondered if she was... trying to pick me up.

The thought made me all warm again.

"Y—You didn't have to do—"

She stepped forward and sat on my lap again, and I swallowed hard, the beer almost slipping from my hand entirely. "Don't worry about it. You looked uncomfortable, and those boys were absolute meatheads. But they are still here, so we should probably keep up the act, huh?"

I couldn't tell if she was joking or not. Either way, I set the beer on the table, though my hand still kept it firmly in my grip as I looked down at the ring on her finger. "I—I wouldn't want to get you in trouble... with your husband..."

"Oh! Uh, funny story," she laughed, leaning in and running her hands over my shoulders, most likely to keep up the façade. "I'm not actually married. Or engaged. I um... I wear this to deter people from trying to take me home."

I actually laughed a little, though my stomach still flipped at her touch and her proximity. "And that... actually works?"

She laughed with me, bringing her hands up to cradle my face as she tilted her head and looked me over. Her pretty, pillow-y soft lips quirked into a smile before her eyes flitted up to mine. She looked like she was entranced, like she was in a dream, and honestly I felt the same way. Because there was no way in actual Hell this was a real thing that was happening to me, right?

"Not always," she answered in a whisper, her face inching closer to mine. She smelled a little like beer, but mostly some type of fruit, probably pear. I didn't eat pears, but maybe I should start...

A gentle tug at the roots of my hair pulled me out of my thoughts, a soft sigh escaping me at the sensation. The woman laughed, brushing her nose against mine for a moment before pulling away and grabbing her beer. "So, since we're engaged, I feel like I should know a little about you. At the very least, your name?"

"O—oh," I laughed nervously, swallowing as she sipped her beer. And I tried not to let it get to me, but the way her lips wrapped gently around the bottle had my mind going a mile a minute, laser focusing on one image in particular of those perfect lips wrapped around something else. I wondered if she could hear the longing in my voice when I whispered my name. "Spencer."

With the beer still in her hand, she lowered it and rested it on my knee as she smiled. "Mmm, and what's my last name going to be?"

The thought of actually marrying this woman infiltrated my thoughts as I answered, louder this time, "Reid."

See hummed again, using the hand that was currently massaging the back of my scalp to gently tug at my hair again. "Y/N Reid... I like the sound of that."

I do, too, is what I thought, and I almost said it, but she started talking again.

"So, Spencer, what do you do?"

I would have gone into my entire spiel, but she was so pretty, and so close, I didn't want to scare her off. So, I simply stated, "I work for the FBI..."

Her eyebrows raised, and I felt her hand slide down my neck and settle on my shoulder. "Really?"

"Y—Yeah, I'm a profiler. We aid law enforcement in catching serial killers."

"So, Agent Reid, huh? That's hot..."

I should have just left it alone, because it was common knowledge that if a woman has any reason to call you hot, you just let it happen, right?

Well, like I said, when it came to women I was a complete wreck.

"A—Actually it's Doctor... I, um... I have 3 PhDs."

As soon as the words left my mouth I regretted them, but the hunger in her eyes deepened and her free hand roamed my shoulder and the front of my chest as she scooted even closer, her mouth coming up right under my jaw. "Mmm, even hotter..."

This time I didn't hold back, my voice audibly whimpering as I sighed out a simple, "Oh..."

Y/N pressed a featherlight kiss to my neck before dragging her lips to my ear again. And I'd been so hyperaware of her proximity to my face that I hadn't even noticed she'd set her beer down and took that hand to rest firmly at my hip, her palm pressing into my lower stomach. I only felt it when that hand moved over, the tips of her fingers hovering just above the buckle of my belt.

"Tell me something, Doctor," she whispered just under my earlobe. I was nothing short of putty in her hands as my brain tried to focus on what she was saying over the more prominent desire to focus on the way she pressed her whole body into mine. She was everywhere, taking up every ounce of air that found its way into my lungs, and I'd never breathed in anything sweeter. "Are you saving yourself for marriage?"

I found the question odd at first, but remembering the circumstances of our fake situation, my body suddenly flared to life at her implications. "N—No..."

Her hips shifted against my lap, and I swear I could have fainted on the spot as she hummed in my ear, "Good."

***

I certainly didn't expect for the night to end the way it did.

I mean, I knew I was going to be wet when I got home, but damn. We hadn't even made it out of the bar before my panties were soaked through at the thought of fucking my fake fiancée. Who worked for the FBI and called himself Doctor...

Not to mention he was fucking dreamy as hell with those honey doe-eyes and pouty lips... And his hands? I had taken one look at the one tightly holding his beer bottle for dear life and instantly went white-hot with desire, visions of them disappearing inside of me swimming in my head.

And then he had to fucking whimper when I called him hot.

Yeah, I definitely didn't expect the night to go how it did, but I wasn't mad about it in the slightest.

After explaining to him that I'd walked, and that my house was only a few blocks away, we decided to just hop in his car. Though, by the time we got there, I think we were both so eager to "get to know each other a little better," as I'd said before we actually left, that we didn't even make it out of the parking space.

Spencer fumbled around with his keys for so long, and he kept dropping them, so I just said fuck it and kissed him when he came up the third time. The sound of his keys hitting the ground for a fourth time excited me almost as much as his the way his hands trembled as they rested on my forearms.

"Pull the seat back?" I mumbled against his mouth, sliding my hands down the sides of his face and over his shoulders.

He let out a strained, "Uh huh," and fumbled around with that too, his urgency and nerves all rolled into one adorable spectacle that had the pit of my stomach in desirable knots. The seat sprung backwards, and I laughed lowly as I climbed over the center console and right into his lap, my dress riding up incredibly high.

The way Spencer looked up at me then, his eyes just as pouty as his lips as they practically sparkled with adoration and need, gave me this feeling I hadn't experienced in a long time— something that filled my bloodstream with fire and made me feel... wanted.

And that's not to say I hadn't slept with people since my divorce, but every time it happened there was hardly any connection besides the obvious need to get off. Here, with Spencer, it was different. And realistically I knew it was most likely the fact that a beautiful woman came to his rescue and pretended to be engaged to him just to get some morons off his back, but... In his eyes I saw this vulnerability that I'd never gotten with another partner. He was open and willing to take advantage of our situation to the fullest extent, sure, but within that was a pure longing to be close to someone after going so long without that connection.

I knew that look so well because it was exactly how I felt. We wanted to have sex with each other, that much was obvious, but less so was the fact that we could feel each others' loneliness. It was a shared bond that ran deeper than sexual desire, and in his eyes in that moment, I knew he could see it in me.

"D—Do you know... what it's like to feel alone, even... when you know you really aren't?" he asked as though he was reading my mind. His voice was soft, so curious and hinted with a little sadness that it made me want to hold him tight and rock him to sleep more than anything.

Still, I nodded. "Mhm... After my husband left I haven't... really been the same. I act like it's okay, and I... I really am better now that he's gone, but I just... I've spent most of my life with him, and now it's like I don't know what's out there beyond... loneliness."

It wasn't the most sexy conversation in the world, but Spencer reached out, his hands less shaky, and ghosted them over my bare arms. He looked up at me with those pretty eyes and let out a relieved breath before he spoke. "I kinda know what you mean... Not to that extent, but... I get it."

Seeing that he was more comfortable with me, I leaned in closer, bringing my fingers to brush the underside of his jaw. "And that's why you make the perfect fiancée."

I felt the laugh leave his lips before I kissed him, soft and steady, and reassured that I was in this for as long as he wanted me to be. Obviously we weren't actually engaged, but the connection that came with a real engagement felt pretty damn close to what we had going on.

And he conveyed that in the way he kissed me back, stronger than he'd been before and most certainly more skilled than he'd let on. His tongue expertly caressed mine with just the right amount of pressure and precision, and it made it easy for me to fall into him. Over time we grew more hungry, but for the most part our dance of mouth and tongue was so slow and intense, it felt like we really had known each other forever.

Eventually though, I did feel him grow harder underneath me, and the feeling kickstarted this more primal urge that caused me to groan into his mouth and rock my hips forward. Spencer's hands rested firmly at my lower back the whole time, though when I moved, I could feel him tense a little, like now that it was actually starting to happen, he was suddenly nervous again. So I brought my hands around my back to grab his wrists, gently sliding them down over my ass as I pressed myself into him and nipped at his bottom lip.

"Mmm, your hands are so big," I purred as I kissed my way over his jaw. "They feel so good all over me..." He relaxed a bit at my reassurance, but I wanted to give him more. So I helped him slide his hands underneath my dress, feeling him shiver under me when I assisted him in squeezing them into my skin. "You can touch me however you like," I whispered into his ear. "I'm all yours, Doctor..."

He squeezed my ass then, of his own accord, and I hummed happily before kissing my way back to his mouth, running my hands through his hair.. "Just like that, baby, whatever you want..." He swallowed my words with his tongue, taking a deep breath and inhaling me like I was his only source of air. Respectfully, I gave it all to him, happy to be of service as long as he wanted me— and in that moment, I hoped it would be forever.

Maybe that was cheesy. But he was an excellent kisser... And I was sure there'd be something equally as excellent waiting for me once I got the clearance to get my hands down to his belt.

Thankfully, that clearance came pretty soon. I would have waited as long as he wanted to, but with the way his hips jolted upwards and the needy whine that erupted from his throat at the contact it provided, I knew now was the time.

So I smiled over his lips and then kissed his jaw again, one of my hands staying threaded in his hair while the other snaked down his chest and lower, undoing each button on his shirt as I went down... "Forgive me if I'm feeding into the stereotype by asking you this, Spencer," I said, leaving small bites on his neck in between words. "But have you ever done this before?"

His hands continued kneading my ass as he let out a shaky breath. "N—No. But I've um... I've p—practiced..."

"Hmm, how so?" I wondered, sucking a big hickey into his neck. Meanwhile my hand traced along the waistband of his pants, not quite dipping underneath but teasing the skin just above the material.

"U—Um, well... I regularly t—try to edge... myself, just... I—I want to last longer, and... And I thought it would help..."

God, the images of this man lounging in bed, training himself to last longer in the event that he had sex with someone? I groaned into his neck, taking the initiative to move my hand lower and gently palm him through his pants. "Fuck, that's so hot..."

"Re—really?"

"Mhmm... You really wanna make a girl feel good, huh?"

"Of course..."

"So eager to please?" I cooed, starting to undo his belt. He gripped my ass tighter like he was holding on for dear life, like he'd some how fall out of the car if he didn't hold on to me tight enough. The way his fingers dug into my skin brought me almost the same amount of joy as the sound he made when I finally snuck my hand down the front of his pants and pulled his dick out, gently stroking it and getting a feel for him. "Obedient?"

"Y—Yes, Y/N, please, oh God..." he jumbled out, his hips bucking into my hand. I sighed into his neck, kissing him again as my hand slowly jerked him off.

"Is this how slow you go?" I asked, making sure to memorize how every ridge of him caressed my hand. "Hmm, you wanna draw it out? Feel every ounce of pleasure as you possibly can before you come?"

He didn't answer so much as he let out a loud, whiny breath that sounded very much like a broken, "A-hh."

"I'm clean... On birth control, too... So what do you say we trade this hand in for something a little more... wet..."

Spencer grabbed my underwear then, pulling at the fabric and bucking his hips again. Taking it as a good sign, I adjusted myself so that I could slide them to the side and hover above him. Meanwhile I pecked at his lips and he did the same, meeting me with urgency and anticipation.

And when the head of his dick finally came in contact with my pussy, he threw his head back and exhaled, exposing his neck and the front of his chest, which was lightly glossed over with sweat already. The only source of light in the car came from the neon bar lights and one single streetlight outside, which gave us this dark, aesthetic lighting that only made what we were doing even hotter.

I sank slowly onto him, letting out the longest sigh of my life until he bottomed out in me. "You doin' alright, Doctor?" I asked, pulling his shirt open some more to get a better view of his skin.

He sat his head up a bit and looked at me, breathlessness in his eyes. "F—Fantastic. You f—eel so good..."

I ground my hips in slow circles, nodding down at him with a wicked grin. "Feeling's mutual, babe... You stretch me out so good... It's like we're a perfect match."

The moment I started lifting myself only to sit back down, Spencer shut his eyes, his hands roaming my ass and my thighs as I rode him. It looked like he was concentrating on lasting, and I was going to tell him not to worry about it, but then he opened his eyes and started to speak.

"Will, um... Will you be m—mean to me? Please?"

I halted my movements for a moment, taking in what he just said, but then it came to me immediately. And my discovery turned me on way more than I would have liked to admit.

So I grinned and circled my hips again, leaning forward to practically crawl up the front of his body. My hands tangled in his hair as I studied his face, which was ridden with worry and maybe regret at what he'd just confessed. But I kept circling my hips all the same, clenching myself around him as I spoke against his lips.

"Ohhh, did hearing me insult those guys in the bar turn you on?" I drawled, gently pecking his lips.

"Uh huh," he breathed in response.

I smiled, rocking my hips a little faster and feeling him start to relax again— The worries he had about his desires faded into nothing as I gave into them, feeding them with an open palm and embracing them with great pleasure. "I bet you just couldn't wait for me to take you outside and fuck you after that, huh? For me to treat you like a needy little slut..."

With every word and every quick rock of my hips, Spencer started to pick up his breathing. He leaned back completely and let me take care of him, gave me every green light, every go-ahead... I never got to be like this in bed before, and the fact that it came so naturally sparked this confidence within me that was hard to quell once it got going.

"Is that what you wanted?" I asked him, picking up my pace and bouncing steadily back on his dick. "You were so desperate to get fucked, too, you couldn't even make it out of the parking lot before you gave into me... And now everyone in the bar could see us out here..."

He groaned out at that, his hands digging into the flesh of my thigh, which already burned from straddling him like this, but considering everything, a little burn never hurt anyone.

"Ohh, you like that too, huh? The thought of everyone seeing us?"

"Y—Yes... Y/N, yes... o—oh, fu..."

I took his face into my hands then, grabbing him by the chin and making him look at me. "And what about your friends, huh? What would they think if they showed up and saw their precious Doctor Reid getting fucked like the dirty little slut he is, huh?"

Even though his face was in my hands, he still managed to lean his head back with a loud groan. His hands were now sliding over to my waist, where my dress was bunched up. His nimble fingers slipped just under the fabric and explored the planes of my stomach as I continued riding him, and the feeling of it all coupled with the looks on his face and his reaction—verbal or otherwise—to my words grew the fire simmering in the pit of my stomach.

I wasn't sure how mean to him I could be anymore now, though, considering we were both so close to finishing, and the closer I got the more it became harder to focus on stringing together the perfect words.

Still, I tried the best I could, because it was his first time, and it's what he deserved.

I leaned in and kissed his neck and collarbone, simultaneously riding and grinding for extra stimulation. "You're doing so well, Doctor... Taking this pussy like a good little whore..."

Okay, so it wasn't entirely mean, but it was the best I could come up with on the spot.

Though, it seemed to have done the trick, because Spencer drove his hips up to meet mine, panting and whining out my name as his eyes fluttered open and he looked at me with the most desperate look. I almost fell apart right there.

"That's it, baby, take it," I cooed, leaning over and kissing him. One of his hands came out from under my dress to rub tight circles into my clit with an expert thumb, and it started to break me down immediately. "Ohhh, I'm almost there, honey, just like that... Show me what a good little slut you are, baby, c'mon... Just like... that... Ohhh..."

I kissed him hard as I shook and clenched around him, holding still as he drilled his hips upwards into me. His thumb kept up at my clit until I was whimpering into his mouth, and then he just held it there, a few grunts of his own rumbling in his chest before he stilled and filled me with his warmth. I kissed him through it, gently swallowing all his whines and sighs as he gradually came down from his high.

Immediately after we both settled, with his dick still sheathed inside of me and my hands rubbing gently over the planes of his chest as we slowly and softly made out, the unmistakable sound of raindrops hitting glass covered us on all sides.

I pulled away from Spencer with a small smile, resting my head on his shoulder and looking off to the side, out the window at the sea of cars slowly getting covered up by a multitude of rain droplets. "I hope that was okay," I whispered against his skin, willing myself closer by draping an arm over his shoulder and using my hand to twirl some of his hair around my finger.

"That was more than okay," he responded contently. His chin rested on the top of my head and I snuggled closer into him. "Thank you, Y/N... For... For everything."

"It was my pleasure, Doctor."

We sat in comfortable near-silence for a while then, letting the rain tapping gently over the car be the steady sound that grounded us and washed away everything we had until there was a clean slate.

That was the one bad thing I found about the rain. I loved it, yes, for all its cleansing properties, and as I came into the bar tonight, I looked forward to them— to clearing my head with alcohol and a walk home in the rain.

But as I laid there, breathing in every ounce of Spencer Reid, I watched the rain roll down the windows and actually dreaded the moment it would stop.

"I wish it would rain forever," I sighed wistfully, playing with one of the buttons on Spencer's shirt.

He drew patterns into my leg all the same. "How come?"

"Because... I have to walk home. And the longer it rains, the longer I can stay here with you..."

He chuckled. "That's a nice sentiment, but you know I can drive you home, right?"

"Yeah, but... I really don't want this moment to end."

He was silent then, and for a while I thought maybe he was just going to leave it be. But then his soft voice broke through the rain and cut into me like a piece of glass. "You know you're gonna be okay, right?"

I broke away and looked up at him. "How do you mean?"

He sighed, thinking before continuing. "I mean... I'm guessing it's been rough since your husband left, and... being here with me has given you some companionship and comfort, but... Even after we part ways, you're going to be alright... It's still going to feel lonely, sure, but if there's anything I know for sure after tonight, it's that you're going to get through it just fine."

My heart swelled, though it still broke all the same. "How do you know?"

Spencer smiled, bringing a hand up to gently brush the side of my face. "Because you're my fiancée and I know you better than anyone."

As I laughed at the joke, he looked back at me with sparkles in his eyes. And then minutes later, I was haphazardly cleaning myself up in his passenger seat with a wet-nap that I'd kept tucked away in my wallet while he fumbled around for his keys.

Even as I stood on my porch that night, under the rain as I watched him drive away with the lingering buzz of our final goodbye kiss on my lips, I wondered if I'd ever see him again.

And I wondered if he would ever notice or do anything about the sparkly diamond ring I left behind, sitting beside him in my place— a reminder of our time together, the comfort he provided me with, and the clean slate that always inevitably came with the rain.

***

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@elldell1204 @muffin-cup @calm-and-doctor @slutforthegubes @rainsong01 @yourmisosoup @liveloudwriteloud @reidsconverse @la-vie-en-amour1 @edgycowboy666 @averyhotchner @centiaaa @lizziechaseee @coffeeandendlesswords @usuck @spenxerslut @g0lden-cth @emilyprentisslittlewhore @reidyoulikeabook @spencerreid9 @takeyourleap-of-faith

#spencer reid x reader #spencer reid #criminal minds #spencer reid smut #spencer reid x reader smut #criminal minds fanfiction

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starryevermore · 2 years ago

Note

I know you mentioned ending your sleepover early, so I hope I made it!

Angst/fluffy with a happy ending with Ransom Drysdale for the prompts:

"What happened to your hand?" "I hit my hand on something." "On what?" "Your ex's face."

“I didn't believe in soulmates until I met you."

If you can’t, totally cool! Have an awesome rest of your week!!

what he’s hiding ✧ ransom drysdale

angst city™ library | send in a request (consult request faqs first)

request: I know you mentioned ending your sleepover early, so I hope I made it! Angst/fluffy with a happy ending with Ransom Drysdale for the prompts: "What happened to your hand?" "I hit my hand on something." "On what?" "Your ex's face." + “I didn't believe in soulmates until I met you.” If you can’t, totally cool! Have an awesome rest of your week!! - blackwidownat2814

pairing: ransom drysdale x fem!reader

word count: 973

warnings?: angst with a happy ending, fluff, pet name (kitten), not proofread

Ransom was hiding something from you. You knew that much to be true. Between him dodging your calls, his short responses to your texts, and conveniently having an emergency meeting that meant he had to miss not one but two of your dates. And all in the last week?! Yeah. Yeah…Something was definitely up. You just didn’t know what it was.

You wanted to trust him, you really did. But…you’d only been dating for a few months. And before you came along, Ransom had never really been in a long-term relationship. Flings and one-night stands were his bread and butter. Would it be so illogical of you to think that perhaps he would fall back into old habits?

Part of you wanted to drive right up to his home, bang on his door until he opened it, and demand answers. After all, if he wasn’t going to come to you, then you could always go to him. But, the more rational part of your brain convinced you to call one more time, to leave a voicemail explaining your anxieties, and hope for the best. If he still wouldn’t respond…Well, perhaps it would be better to cut things off now than to only be more hurt down the line.

“Hey, Ran, it’s me. Again,” you said when you were forwarded to voicemail. “I, uh, really miss you. I don’t…I don’t understand why you’re avoiding me. I wish you would just talk to me. Right now…I feel like you’re having second thoughts on our relationship. If that’s the case, tell me. Please. And…if it’s something else, tell me. I want this to work, but, with the way things have been, it almost feels like it’s already over. Okay. Call me, please. Bye.”

And now…All you could so was wait and hope that maybe he would respond.

Not wanting to sit around twiddling your thumbs until Ransom decided you were worthy of his presence, you got in the shower and started to wash the horrible day away. Not only were you having to deal with…whatever was going on with Ransom, but work had been absolutely horrendous. Between ridiculously long meetings, working overtime nearly every night this week, and being screamed at over the littlest of things (and, often things that weren’t even your fault), you were just ready to do something fun for once. Something for you. So, you treated yourself to your best body wash, took your time shaving to make sure you didn’t miss any patches of hair. Then, when you got out, you redid your makeup, choosing a slightly more glam look compared to your usual office makeup. After fixing your hair and makeup, you pulled on a beautiful red dress that you’d been dying to wear—the same dress you’d been planning on wearing to at least one of the dates Ransom had canceled.

But just as you grabbed your phone, keys, and purse, there was a knock on the door.

You opened it without looking out the peephole, your brows raising in surprise. “Wow,” you said. “Wasn’t expecting this.”

Ransom stared down at his shoes, his arms crossed over his chest. “I’m sorry.”

“For what? I’m gonna need more than that, Ran.”

He looked up at you, hesitating as he took in your appearance. “Were you going out?”

“Yeah. Figured I could treat myself after my boyfriend decided to ghost me.”

“Were you…were you going out with someone?” he asked, his jaw clenching as he finished his sentence.

You couldn’t stop yourself from rolling your eyes. Seriously? Seriously? That was what he was gonna ask? He wasn’t even going to give you a sincere apology before jumping to conclusions? “Maybe I was, maybe I wasn’t. Does it matter?”

Ransom uncrossed his arms, reaching out to you. “Kitten, I’m sorry, I really am—”

And that’s when you saw it. You grabbed his hand before he could touch you, running your thumb over the blue and purple splotches decorating his knuckles. “What happened to your hand?”

He paused. “I hit my hand on something.”

“On what?”

“Your ex’s face.” He sighed, before explaining, “I saw him, at some dinner party my parents made me go to. I didn’t know he was gonna be there, but he was. And he kept saying such…disgusting things about you. And you don’t deserve that. I don’t know, I kind of blacked out in rage and the next thing I knew, his face was all bloody and I was being thrown out. I didn’t know how to explain that to you so I just…I thought if I blew you off long enough, by the next time I saw you, my hand would be healed. I didn’t think about how you would feel though, and I’m sorry for causing you pain.”

You pulled him into your apartment, closing the door behind him. Wordlessly, you led him to the couch, sitting down with him. “Ran, you can tell me anything. I wouldn’t thought any less of you for this.”

“I know. It’s just…” He paused. “You know, I didn't believe in soulmates until I met you. And now that I have you, I know you’re my soulmate. And I’m terrified of doing anything to lose you.”

“You won’t lose me. Unless you pull this don’t-talk-to-me stunt again,” you said. “I was gonna go out for dinner, but how about we stay in, order some food, and have some makeup cuddles?”

Ransom’s face brightened, and he pulled you in for a hug, squeezing you tight. “I would love that. And I’m really sorry. I’ll do whatever it takes to prove that.”

“Well, you can start by ordering some Insomnia Cookies while I order the pizza, okay?”

“Okay?”

And just like that, things were okay again.

#starrysleepover #ransom drysdale imagine #ransom drysdale x y/n #ransom drysdale x fem!reader #ransom drysdale x you #ransom drysdale x female reader #ransom drysdale x reader #ransom drysdale fic #ransom drysdale fanfiction #ransom drysdale fan fiction #ransom drysdale fan fic #ransom drysdale fanfic #starrywrites #starryevermore

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harrystyleseditsx · 4 years ago

Text

If you need me

SUMMARY: A one shot of where y/n experiences something that reminds her of her traumatic past and Harry’s 5000 miles away

based on the song If you need by julia micheals

WARNING: Angst with fluff :)

pairing: Harry Styles x uni y/n

wordcount: 2.3k

A/N: Welcome to my first fic, I needed to write something to get in the flow to write my 2000 word story so here it is :)) ily guys <3 (also would you prefer y/n or an oc, please let me know!!)

Y/N was very happy about how her morning had been going.

She had woken up early, worked out and made her favorite breakfast. She had also gotten herself some flowers to celebrate the fact that she had submitted her 10 page essay early. The only thing that would make her morning better would be face timing harry but she knew it was 1 pm here meaning it would be 9 pm in London where Harry was and he had a concert to perform. She threw on one of Harry’s treat people with kindness hoodies over her sundress as she headed to the library that would often get chilly or she was just always cold as harry often teased her. She smiled as she remembered harry telling she would overheat if she continued to wear zip ups and pile blankets on herself even during summers.

She had by now almost reached the library when she suddenly bumped into someone causing the other person to drop some of their stuff. “Shit, I’m so sorry. I should have paid more attention-” it felt as if the words were stuck in her throat as she glanced at who she bumped into.

“Oh hi Y/N” Asher taunted, her ex. She hadn’t seen him since the break up when he told her that he needed space and took off to France only to send her the infamous break up text. And, here he was 6 months later, looking the every bit same. She felt a feeling of anxiety creeping up on her as she started playing with her fingers trying to stop when she saw Asher’s eyes drop to her hands.

“Are you nervous y/n? Always played with your fingers when you were” he said with a hint of smugness, as he reached his hand forward trying to grasp hers. She immediately pulled back, crossing them against her chest as she took a deep breath.

“What are you doing here Asher? Aren’t you supposed to be in France?” she snapped at him, her nervousness quickly turning into anger. Asher raised an eyebrow as if surprised at her response.

“Been keeping tabs on me?” he smirked. “Well forgive me if I wanted to know where my boyfriend, sorry, ex-boyfriend ran off too on our 1 year anniversary” she scoffed.

“Finally grew a backbone y/n?” he drawled looking her up and down. Y/N had never felt the urge to pull someone’s eyeballs out more than she did now. She found herself thinking what she ever saw in this piece of shit. She snapped back to reality as she heard him droning about something.

“..you need me, so I’ll take you back-” he was in interrupted as y/n threw her head back laughing. When she looked at him again, he had an annoyed look on his face. “I need you? Well, I’d like to inform you that you’re wrong again. I don’t need you, I don’t need anyone. I managed myself when you left and I’m doing so now too. So, you can see yourself out of my life again” she reiterated. Asher now looked furious, he lunged forward and grabbed her by her wrists as she tried to free herself from his grip.

“Is all this attitude because of her famous singer boyfriend? Yes, I know all about him. Is he telling you that you’re beautiful? or that you’re important? because news flash, you’re not y/n. You’re worthless, stupid, ugly and you’ll be nothing without me. You’re a whore” he growled. Y/N felt herself flinch as she heard his words before she composed herself and kicked him in the balls. His grip on her wrists loosened giving her the perfect opportunity to attack. She grabbed him by the back of his neck and jerked it forward, raising her knee and smashed his face against it and then shoved him backwards. She heard Asher yelp in pain as blood gushed out of his. One of his hands was on his dick while other on his nose. She felt a sense of pride and satisfaction rush through her as she looked at him.

"You bitch, you broke my nose. You'll pay for this" Asher yelled at her. She decided it was best to kick him one more time for good measure and she did, smiling as he groaned in pain. "No, you listen to me. If you ever come near me again or try to hurt me I will fuck up your life and I'll get my famous singer boyfriend to help too" y/n taunted as she turned out to head back to her apartment, she had never been more glad to have her apartment be a 5 minute walk from campus. The whole incident had taken a huge toll on her.

She locked her room as soon as she entered it, leaning against the door as she slowly sank to the floor. She took a deep breath before the sobs broke out. Her entire body was shaking as she wrapped her arms around herself trying to feel as if she wasn't alone in the world. Y/N picked up her phone to send a text to harry but she try made her feel even more shitty. What if he realized she wasn't worth it, what if he had enough of her breakdowns. She pressed her nails into her palm, hitting herself to try to stop herself from feeling too much. She had come so far and now all it took was one interaction for everything to come crumbling down.

She didn't know how long she had been sitting like that but her phone rang, she looked at the clock to see it flashing 5 pm. Realizing that it must be harry on the phone, she got up and rushed to the bathroom, quickly washing her face, she laid down on the bed so he could only see half of her face and then accepted his call.

Harry appeared on the screen all smiley and sweaty. Her heart fluttered at the sight of him. All she wanted to do was hug him. "Finally picked up, huh? I thought y'were gonna leave me hangin' lovie" he teased her. "I'm sorry, my phone was on silent" she said softly.

Harry realised the change in her demeanor, his smile turning into a frown. "Y'alright honey? Not even showin' me y'pretty face" he said to her. She tried to smile as she moved the camera a bit so he could see more of her face. "I'm just tired H" she whispered. Harry had been moving around, probably trying to find a quieter area. He shut the door behind him as he entered what looked like his dressing room.

"Have y'been cryin' y/n?" he questioned as he saw her red nose and faint traces of year marks on her cheeks. y/n knew there was no point in lying because it was pretty obvious. "Yeah, I didn't do very well in one of the assignments my economics professor had assigned but I'm fine now" she told him adding a smile in the end to make it more believable and maybe Harry would have believed her had he not caught a glimpse of the nasty bruise on wrist as the sleeve of her (his) hoodie slipped down when she was pulled the hood up. Harry was furious and the visible anger on his face made y/n want to curl up.

"What the fuck is that y/n?" he questioned furiously. "What are you talking about? "y/n replied looking genuinely confused. "The fucking bruise on your wrist” harry snapped, by now he had lost all his patience. No one gets to hurt his lovie.

Y/N was at a loss, she didn’t know what to say. She didn’t want him to worry about her but she couldn’t come up with anything to say. “Asher came back, he cornered me and when I tried to go, he grabbed my wrists” she mumbled, playing with the hem of his sweatshirt. She dare not glance his way, afraid of his reaction. After a minute of silence, Y/N glanced at her phone only to find the screen to be blank. Had he hung up on her? She stared at the blank screen of her phone in disbelief. She felt as if she was having an out of body experience. Opening her gallery, she started scrolling through the numerous photos and videos of her and harry. It was at this time that she was grateful with her obsession of taking pictures and photos. A few tears escaped her eyes as she realized how much she missed him and how he probably didn’t want to talk to her ever. Was he going to break up with her? Y/N’s heart clenched at that thought, she put on harry’s playlist on her spotify and laid there.

She must have fallen asleep because she woke up to the sound of pots clanging. Her heart sped up, no one besides her and harry had the key to her apartment and harry wouldn’t-

She threw the blanket covering her aside (which had not been there before) and rushed to the kitchen. And sure enough there he was, her boyfriend, with his back facing her. Y/N felt tears well up in her eyes, he came here for her. Harry turned around to see her standing in the entryway of the kitchen, crying. He reached her in three quick strides, pulling her in a hug. She tightly wrapped her arms around him, fearing he might disappear. Harry pulled back after a few minutes, cupping her face in his hands he gently brushed his thumb over her cheek.

“Gonna properly tell m’what happened now bubs?” he urged. Unable to say anything at that moment Y/N just nodded. Grabbing her hand, Harry led her to the sofa, grabbing her by the waist and seating her on his lap. He patiently waited her to start talking. For a while Y/n just played with his hair, then she took a deep breath and told him everything that happened. She could feel Harry’s grip tightening on her hips, not to the extent that it was painful, when she told him what Asher had said to her.

“M’gonna fuckin’ kill him” Harry cursed when she had finished. “I already did some damage” Y/N told him, smirking as she remembered Asher’s face. Harry looked at her questioningly, “I might have kicked him in the balls and broken his nose and added another kick for good measure” she admitted. Harry grinned, “that’s m’girl” he said proudly, pulling her in for a kiss. They sat like that for a while with Harry telling her about tour and she filled him in with other things that she had forgotten when they had their facetime sessions.

Y/N told him that she wanted to report Asher, in case he ever tried to pull shit like this again. Harry not only told her but also showed her how proud he was of her, how brave she’d been and how much he loved her in multiple ways.

The next day they headed to the dean’s office, where Y/N saw two officers sitting outside. Luckily there were several camera’s in the hallway where Asher had cornered Y/N, so by noon, with all the available proof, she’d gotten a restraining order against Asher. If her were to come within a distance of 6ft with her, he’d serve jail time. As they left the dean’s office, Y/N saw Asher standing , she could feel harry tensing up, so when Asher looked Y/N up and down and smirked, Harry lunged forward punching him in his already swollen nose. Asher yelped in pain, he tried to fight Harry back but by now the officers had restrained him, taking him away.

Back at the apartment, Y/N tended to Harry’s bruised knuckles as she felt a hollowness knowing he’d be leaving soon. By the look on her face, Harry knew what she was thinking about, he took the cotton swab from her hands, placing it on the table before he kissed her.

“I’ll be back soon, it’s only a matter of two months now and by then you’ll graduate and I’ll be done with tour and we can have everyday to ourselves” harry told her, wiggling his eyebrows. She lightly smacked his chest, pressing a small kiss to his lips. “I know, It’s just that sometimes I miss you” she commented. “Only sometimes?” Harry pretended to be offended, “Well a bit more than sometimes” she retorted. “Just a bit more? I miss you so much, it hurts” he admitted. Her shoulders slumped a bit as she pulled him in a hug. “I love you Harry” she whispered and heard him softly whisper I love you too sweetheart.

That evening Y/n drove him to the airport, they knew they couldn’t outside for long so Harry pulled her in a kiss before he pulled back and rested his forehead against hers. “Promise me you’ll tell me anything that happens, I don’t care if it’s just a paper cut or not. Just don’t hide things from me, If when you need me I'll be there" he blurted. “I promise” she said firmly, showing him she was serious. She didn’t want him to worry but he’d eventually know something was up and it was better to sort things out. He kissed her again before he went in the airport. She stood there until he was no longer in her sight before she sat in her car and started driving off.

Her phone chimed, picking it up she saw that Harry had sent her a image. It was a very poorly drawn graphic of a guy lying on the floor with a crooked nose and blood around him that she assumed was Asher and a girl stood over him wearing a superhero cape. He had written, ‘my hero’. She smiled fondly before sending him a picture of her reaction as she increased the volume of her radio and driving off. Soon.

This is my first time writing a harry fic/blurb. Feedback would be greatly appreciated. Also, I’ve turned on the asks (I didn’t know they were off) so you can send in your requests!! Thank you :))

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stratiotis-nth · 3 years ago

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Castiel has been able to see Glimpses of people’s future when he meets them for the first time—specifically when he first makes eye contact. It’s the big family secret and Castiel hates that he’s the one stuck with it. It’s infuriating—Gabriel asks if Castiel could make eye contact with some hot guy or girl to see if he’ll get lucky, and Castiel ignores him every time.

He doesn’t see the person’s entire life when he looks like them. It’s more like…a tsunami of information. Sometimes it’s images or feelings or sounds. Usually, Castiel can’t make heads or tails of what he experienced, so he stopped trying to interpret them a long time ago.

At this point, the flood of information is an annoyance, and he’s done his best to just avoid eye contact altogether.

Maybe that’s why Castiel is so quiet and keeps to himself. He doesn’t like meeting new people if only to avoid the data dump of another person’s future. He’s thankful he doesn’t get Glimpses when he looks at anyone he’s already Glimpsed, because he’s never be able to look Gabriel in the face. And anyone who Castiel had accidentally Glimpsed before have long since disappeared from his life, and Castiel is such a recluse that he hasn’t had a new friend in years.

Until Gabriel was an annoying asshole.

His older brother practically wrestled Castiel out of the house they shared to go clubbing. It had been a close fight and Castiel had gotten damn well near to biting Gabriel’s arm—but he eventually lost because Gabriel threatened to trample Castiel’s carefully cultivated garden in the backyard.

For the sake of his plants, Castiel reluctantly ducked into Gabriel’s obnoxiously bright red Camero.

“This is a stupid idea.” He grumbled, crossing his arms and keeping his hands tucked firmly against himself. “I’m just going to be standing there staring at the floor like an idiot.”

“No, you’re gonna keep that chin up and meet some people, Cassie.” Gabriel said briskly as they drove to Downtown. “Glimpsing a few people isn’t gonna change your life. You need friends, my bumbling, weirdo brother.”

“I can live my life just fine without friends, Gabriel.” Castiel snapped. “I have you, my cat, and my garden. I work from home and can support myself if needs be. What else do I need?”

Gabriel sighed.

“You’ll always have me, Cassie.” He said. “But have you ever thought about what you want?”

No. Of course he hadn’t. Castiel hadn’t had the luxury of knowing what he wanted since he first discovered the Glimpses.

“Your Glimpses shouldn’t be what stops you from having a life, little bro.” Gabriel continued firmly. They were in Downtown now, string lights lighting the two way street and neon signs making the air gleam in multicolor. Castiel’s chest clenched with anxiety, carefully avoiding the stream of bodies moving up and down the sidewalks in case he made eye contact with as passers by.

Gabriel pulled into the VIP spot of his nightclub, Sugar+Spice and grinned at Castiel.

“C’mon, brosky, time to swim amongst the fishes.” To complete Gabriel’s inspiring speech, he slapped two condoms into Castiel’s hand and ducked out of the car before he could throw them back.

Grumbling under his breath about invasive brothers, Castiel begrudgingly followed Gabriel through the back entrance of the club.

It was loud, hot, and chaotic. Despite not having made eye contact with anyone yet, Castiel’s senses were immediately overloaded with noise and light. He could barely hear Gabriel over the din, risking a glance up in an effort to read his lips.

This way. He seemed to be shouting. Gabriel grabbed his hand and tugged him along anyway. Castiel allowed himself to be dragged, bumping through a crowd of people with his eyes fixed on their passing feet.

Gabriel took him up to a slightly quieter, less crowded second floor and sat him down at the bar.

“Alfie!” Gabriel called to the bartender, rapping his knuckles on the glass bar top. “Dirty Shirley for my fruity brother!”

“Gabriel!” Castiel hissed. He didn’t necessarily care if people knew he was gay, but he didn’t want Gabriel going on trying to get him laid.

“Coming up, boss.” Alfie called, already moving nonstop and smoothly as he tended to the other patrons lining his bar top.

“See ya, Cassie.” Gabriel clapped his shoulder. Castiel’s heart seized with terror.

“Gabriel, don’t you dare—“

“Sorry little bro, I’ve got club owner responsibilities to attend to.”

And then, Castiel was alone. Alfie’s slim hand set a red-pink colored drink in front of him and moved on before Castiel could think he would wait a second for a thanks. He was probably too busy to care for social expectations like please and thank you.

Castiel didn’t know how long he had sat there, hunched over his drink and staring at the bar top resolutely. Gabriel could drag his ass into public, but he couldn’t make him talk to people.

People seemed to catch the hint to leave him alone, or maybe Alfie had warned them against it before Castiel could sense their presence. Some tried, though, but Castiel just shook his head. That was usually enough to leave him be.

It was well after 1 AM when he’d finally had enough sitting around and staring at his drink to ward off horny one nighters. He stood, determined to find Gabriel and force him to take him home. He was tired, anxious, and terrified of this place and of people. He didn’t like Glimpsing—it was like intruding into their privacy and instead of doing it intentionally like how a burglar would invade a home, it was hurled at him when he didn’t want it. The last time Castiel had Glimpsed, the images and noises had been too much. It had overloaded his mind and nearly made him pass out from the onslaught.

The last time he had Glimpsed was the first time he’d met a future serial killer. One could imagine why Castiel didn’t like Glimpsing anymore.

He pushed his way through the crowd, trying to find Gabriel’s recognizable white dress shoes amongst the writhing sea of legs and lower bodies.

Castiel finally reached the stairs, the door swinging shut and blessedly blocking out the din of the dance floor. The peaceful silent lasted for only a moment, though.

“Whoa, Jesus!”

Castiel slammed into a very solid form and went tumbling backwards, his back hitting the bottom staircase with a painful thud before he toppled back onto the concrete floor.

“Shit, shit, shit! I’m so sorry! Jesus fuck, here, lemme help—“

The person he collided into was scrabbling down the last few stairs, kneeling over him and grabbing his arms.

“Hey, man, you okay?”

Castiel’s entire body was ringing with the aftershock of his fall. His back throbbed painfully, already promising a nice purpling welt.

Maybe it was the pain, or maybe the ringing in his head muted out higher reason, or maybe just fate, but Castiel drifted his gaze to stare at the person who had run into him.

The moment he met the pair of green eyes the color of matcha and wild grass, he was assaulted with an onslaught of Glimpses.

Warm, comforting yellow and orange, the color that light up a home on a cozy, winter night.

The sizzle, pop and bang of fireworks in a dewy field, ringing with a pair of laughter. Bursting, bright colors lighting up a starry sky.

Metallic, greasy smell of an auto shop, the sharp chemical scent of acrylic paint, the words Winchester Auto in neon lights on the top of a busy garage and art studio.

But the main image, the one that always came through crystal clear when he had a Glimpse—

was Castiel himself.

He couldn’t force the image away, or what followed after.

It was Castiel, looming over the man’s point of view with his arms braced on either of his vision. His own face was slack with pleasure as his entire body moved up and down in a very obvious thrusting motion. His eyes were bright and wide and so full of something warm and gentle and careful that Castiel didn’t believe he could ever really do that.

He closed his eyes, willing the main image and surrounding flashes of senses to fade.

“Dude, please tell me you’re okay.” The man fretted, his hands now cupping Castiel’s face and shaking slightly. The way the man was leaning over him looked so much like how Castiel was leaning in the Glimpse that it brought him back to himself.

He sat bolt upright, smacking foreheads with the man and immediately making himself dizzy again.

“Ow.” They both mumbled. The guy scrambled back to give Castiel some space.

“You okay, man?” The guy asked again, staring at him with wide eyes. Castiel’s first reaction was to advert his eyes, but this time for an entirely different reason than the Glimpse. His cheeks burned with the embarrassment of what he had just witnessed.

“Yes.” He managed, but it sounded strained. The man, apparently took that strain as pain instead of mortification.

“Oh shit, you’re probably all banged up, shit. Did the stair hit your back? Did it break the skin?” Suddenly, warm hands were gingerly touching his lower back, feeling for the welt already swelling. Electrical shocks rippled under his skin despite the layers of clothes between him and the hand, but Castiel hissed sharply when the pressure of his fingers hit the welt.

“Sorry, hang on. Don’t move too much, not until I can be sure you didn’t break anything.” The guy was completely unfazed by touching Castiel. It was a gentle touch, but definitely clinical. Was this guy a nurse? Doctor?

“I used to be a paramedic.” The guy answered Castiel’s unspoken speculation. He gently pressed around the welt. “Anything hurt?”

“No.” Castiel managed faintly, his brain already providing unhelpful scenarios where the man’s hand drifted lower and suddenly his last Glimpse was coming true right then and there—

“Okay, I don’t think anything’s broken.” The guy said, sounding relieved. “Can you stand?”

“Yes. It’s just a bruise.” Castiel said, his defenses rising with the determination to never allow that last Glimpse to come true. There were too many risks, too many dangers associated with having friends, let alone pursue a romantic relationship. For this man’s sake and for Castiel’s sanity, he would do everything in his power to stop that Glimpse from happening.

“I’m alright, thank you.” He said quickly, stepping back to allow an acceptable amount of space between him and the man.

“Okay, uh, good.” The guy said, ducking his head sheepishly.

Please don’t. Castiel begged helplessly, staring as the man glanced up at him through his lashes. He was undeniably gorgeous. Light brown hair styled lightly and freckled, tanned skin. Those enrapturing green eyes that made Castiel want to smother himself in that very shade, framed by long lashes. Plush pink lips and a little scruff that Castiel wanted to feel on his skin. Broad shoulders filled a worn leather jacket over a flannel and Henley. Oil-stained jeans and scuffed boots. Rugged and beautiful.

What the hell did future Castiel do to secure a night with this man? How did an awkward, nobody with a fear of people manage to have sex with this perfect, gorgeous man who could get anyone he wanted?

“Sorry about that, man. I swear I don’t go running into hot guys as a pick up line.”

Castiel’s jaw dropped, and the man went very red when he realized what he’d said.

“Ah, fuck. I-I didn’t mean, that’s n-not—shit, I didn’t mean for it to come out like that—“

“It’s alright.” Castiel cut him off hastily. “I’ve actually got to go. I’m supposed to meet my brother and he’s probably worried that I haven’t shown up.”

The man looked embarrassed but startled by Castiel’s hasty retreat. But he moved to let him up the stairs.

He was already a few steps up when the man spoke again.

“Sorry again, man.”

It was a mistake to turn back around, but Castiel did, perhaps selfish enough to indulge in the man’s beauty one more time.

Then something happened that never happened before. Castiel had another Glimpse when he met his eyes.

It was gentler than the first, like an aftershock after an A-bomb.

Deep, sweet spices mixed with buttery pie dough and tangy apple.

A warm, soft red that enveloping his entire body like an embrace to protect and cherish.

The man’s deep, rough voice murmuring “Cas” with such profound affection and care.

Then, Castiel’s voice answering in the same low, gentle caress of soft happiness—“Dean”.

This could not be happening.

#SORRY FOR THE CLIFFHANGER THIS WAS GETTING TOO LONG AGAIN #IM REALLY BAD ABOUT KEEPING THESE SHORT #BUT I KINDA WANNA WRITE THIS FULLY??#MAYBE? idk #supernatural #cas #castiel #destiel #spn #casdean #dean is bi #dean winchester #deancas #destiel fandom #destiel fanfic

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fandom-imagines-stories · 4 years ago

Text

Worth the World

Spike x Reader

Words: 2459

Summary: On a particularly bad day, the reader can barely bring herself to get out of bed. Spike does his best to comfort his girlfriend without being overbearing.

Notes: This is inspired by one of my favorite fics ever by @suckmysupernatural. I got this idea when having a depressive episode myself, so I hope you guys enjoy a little comfort fic with one of my favorite vamps. Plus, I’ve never written for Spike before and since I’m getting back into Buffy, I thought this would be the perfect time. (Also, this is entirely based on my own experience, so it might not be everyone’s experience with this kind of thing {but please be nice, I just used a few of the things I felt so it’s all based on my own emotions and insecurities!}) Enjoy!

Warnings: Depression, self-loathing, anxiety (This imagine was really just a way for me to put down my emotions and write something comforting, but I hope you all like it too)

You didn’t want to move. You weren’t really sure if you could. Your limbs just felt… heavy. Forcing your legs to move, you slowly swung them over the side of the bed, using all the strength you could muster to sit up straight.

It wasn’t that something terrible had happened. In fact, the day before had gone pretty well. You’d spent most of it watching movies with Willow and Buffy and, when the sunset, you went on a long evening walk with your boyfriend. There were no deadly forces plotting world domination, no vengeful vamps after you or your friends. Hell, your favorite restaurant was open and you brought home leftovers for breakfast.

Now, the idea of eating made your stomach turn. You managed to shuffle your way to the kitchen of your apartment, but just stood in front of the counter, leaning on the marble top for support. Just standing there felt like it took every ounce of energy you had. It was almost painful, tears pricking the corners of your eyes. You did your best to keep them from falling. You had places to be today, meeting up with the gang and you didn’t want to worry them with your moping.

With slow steps, you made your way back to your room to get dressed. Of course, most of your clothes were dirty and you didn’t care enough to wash them. So you threw a sweatshirt over your pajama top and put on some shoes, hoping no one would ask about it. You caught your reflection and felt that dark, empty feeling in your chest grow. Pathetic. Your shoulders sagged forward and you blinked away more tears as you watched them well in your eyes. You didn’t have the right to feel like this. How much had Buffy been through and she still greeted every day with a smile. Everything was perfect and yet you were pathetic enough to still want to crawl back into bed. You just hoped that you would feel better by the time you saw everyone. Especially Spike.

You sat with your legs pulled up to your chest. Xander and Willow were debating whether or not using wooden bullets would be a good vamp killer. Buffy was listening in amusement and Giles just looked exasperated, distracting himself by putting books back in their proper place on the shelves. No one said anything about your pajamas. You actually felt kind of invisible, like no one even really knew you were there. It made the empty feeling that much worse.

“What do you think, Y/N?”

“Xander, don’t you think that’s a little insensitive?”

“What? It’s not like we’re planning on dusting her boyfriend. Even if he is annoying and evil and-”

“Xander.” Willow said sternly. When you looked up, everyone’s eyes were on you.

“I’m sorry, I wasn’t really paying attention.” Your voice held little to no emotion. You were almost too exhausted to feel anything. You just felt hollow.

“If I shot Spike with a wooden bullet do you think he would, you know,” Xander made a motion with his hands that was meant to simulate a vampire dying. “Just theoretically, of course.”

Everyone was expecting a witty remark. You and Xander were close and teased each other often, especially about your relationship with Spike. Instead, you just shrugged, your eyes fixating on a spot on the table.

“Maybe.”

The group collectively exchanged a look of concern, but didn’t press anything. After all, what reason could there be for you to be upset? They knew that if something had happened with Spike, you would tell them and there weren’t any recent deaths to worry about, so they continued on with their playful conversations about breaking curses and some movie that they had watched recently. It felt like you were intruding- like an unwanted bystander that everyone wished would just disappear. While no one had said anything like that, the thoughts filled your head nonetheless.

This wasn’t the first time something like this had happened, but you’d never told them. An episode like this hadn’t happened in months so you had hoped they had stopped. Some days you were as happy as you ever had been, but others you felt like a burden. Worthless and pathetic- pitying yourself for no reason at all.

Spike didn’t even know, even after almost a year of dating. You never dreamed of telling him. Spike was always saying that you were the strong one. You were the one that helped him through every day of his endless living. He got his soul for you. What would he say if he saw you like this? If he knew the doubts and loathing going through your head. He would know that you’re weak and vulnerable and you didn’t want that to happen.

So you didn’t tell them. You kept all of your thoughts inside of you as they ate away at your mind. On the outside, you just looked tired. Everyone knew that you stayed awake into the late hours because of Spike, so you hoped that’s what they would think. You were tired, but it wasn’t from lack of sleep. It was like your body just wanted to give up. Maybe if you could just wake yourself up, everything would go back to normal.

Buffy and Willow went out for coffee, so you went with them, hoping the caffeine would be enough to shake you out of this. Instead, it just made you more jumpy and anxious. The cup shook in your hand, but you kept drinking, still hoping that it would give you enough energy to fake it. This, like your out-of-it demeanor, did not go unnoticed.

“Hey, are you feeling okay?” Buffy asked, suddenly stopping her conversation with Willow about shoes. At first, you didn’t realize she was talking to you. You were so focused on the thoughts swarming around in your head, you hadn’t noticed they were both looking at you with concern.

“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?”

“Because you’ve been spacing out all morning. What’s going on?”

“I guess I’m just tired.” You shrugged, grimacing from the effort the small movement took.

“Are you sure? Did Spike do something stupid, because you know I’ll-”

“Really, Buffy, I’m okay. I think I just need to go home and rest for a while.” You finished the rest of the coffee, feeling your heart beat faster as the anxiety built up in your chest. “I’ll see you guys later, okay?”

“Okay.” Buffy gave you a skeptical glance and Willow smiled sincerely.

“Feel better, Y/N.”

“I’ll see you guys later.” You faked the best smile you could before turning away from them.

“Is she going to be okay?” Willow wondered, watching the way you nervously messed with the hem of your shirt as you walked. Buffy narrowed her eyes and grabbed her bag.

“I don’t know, but if she won’t talk to us about it, there’s one person she will.”

“Oh do we have to go there? You know that place gives me the creeps.” Willow whined. Buffy just gave her a look and the two trekked off in search of your sun-hating boyfriend.

You stood in the middle of your living room as the tears slowly started to pour down your cheeks. The coffee must have given you enough energy to cry and now you couldn’t stop. You couldn’t speak, you couldn’t move, you just stood, frozen by the overwhelming emptiness inside you. Pathetic. Useless. Worthless. Everything was swirling around your head, breaking you down further until you had to lean against the window sill to stay standing.

You could faintly hear something outside your door, but you made no motion to open it. It sounded far away, or maybe you were just blocking it out. All you could hear was your heart pounding, along with the hundreds of doubts rattling in your head. It was until the door burst open that you flinched.

“First, the slayer comes banging on my crypt, telling me that something’s wrong and then you leave me to break down your door- if I could die, you would have scared me to death. Why didn’t you open the door?” Spike huffed in frustration. You didn’t turn around. Frankly, you hardly noticed he was there. His irritation quickly faded, replaced by worry. “Y/N, love, what is it?”

You still didn’t respond, keeping your back turned with your hands clinging to the window sill to keep from falling. Spike approached you slowly and you thought you heard his footsteps, but part of you thought you were just imagining him. Why would he come for you? It was the middle of the day and the sun was high in the sky. A rush of guilt washed over you. He came here despite the danger of being burned and you didn’t even have a reason. You’d put him at risk for your own pitiful problems.

“Darling, why won’t you look at me?” He took another step towards you, but stopped. The sun’s rays created a shield around you, preventing him from pulling you into his arms. “If you could just lower the blinds, that would make this far less awkward.”

“You d-didn’t need to come here. T-the sun.” You stammered. You wanted to reach for the curtains, but you still couldn’t move your arms without your legs giving out.

“A little sunlight isn’t going to stop from me from getting to you,” he said sincerely. Out of the corner of your eye, you saw him rush to the window, the sound of his skin sizzling in the light made you let go of the ledge. Your legs buckled just as he got the curtains closed.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” You had hurt him. All you had to do was reach up and shut out the sunlight and you couldn’t even do that. He burned himself just to reach you.

“It’s alright. I’ve got you. It’s alright.” He held you up for a moment before sinking to the floor to hold you in his lap. “I’ve got you love, I’ve got you.”

“Y-you shouldn’t be here, Spike. I’m not-” You hid your face from his view so he would see the tears. “I’m not worth all of this. There’s something wrong with me. One minute I’m fine and the next I’m like this and I don’t even know why. I don’t have a reason to feel like this. It’s like I’m… broken or something.”

“You aren’t broken.” Spike said softly, tucking your head under his chin and gently rocking you back and forth. “You’re human.”

He held you like that for a long while, not saying anything or even moving off of the floor. He didn’t make you look at him until he was sure you had relaxed enough. Putting a finger under your chin, he gently lifted your face to meet his.

“I’m sorry about all this.” You sniffed, using your sleeve to wipe some of the dampness off your cheeks.

“I don’t want to hear those worse from you for the rest of the day.” Spike gave you a small smile and pressed a kiss to your forehead. “I would trek across deserts wrapped in a blanket if it meant being here with you. Every second is worth it.” Now, he lowered his lips down to yours for a slow, sweet kiss. When he pulled back, his eyes were shining with the soul of a man in love. “To me, love, you’re worth the world.”

You stared into his eyes and knew that he meant every single word. While it didn’t chase away your doubts or the empty feeling in your chest, it helped you see that this feeling would end. And for now, that was enough.

“I love you.” You whispered, pulling him closer. He kissed the top of your head.

“I love you too, darling.” He hooked his arm under your knees and stood, holding you against his chest. “Now, why don’t I get you something to eat and we can spend the day in bed?” He wiggled his eyebrows. “I’ll behave, I promise.”

“Spike.” You laughed lightly.

“There,” He beamed, “I knew I could get a smile.”

He carried you into your room and placed you on your usual side of the bed, laying your fluffiest blanket over top of you. Then he vanished into your kitchen, the sound of your cupboards opening and shutting reminding you that he had no idea where anything was. It almost made you smile. He came back in with a bowl of your favorite cereal, a class of milk, and a thin leather bound journal.

“What’s that?” You wondered as he climbed into the bed beside you. He handed you the cereal and milk and put his arm around you, pulling you close.

“Eat your cereal.” He ordered teasingly, opening up to the first page. You tried to look over his shoulder, but he pulled the book away, laughing. “Do you want me to read or not?”

“What is it?” Your curiosity made your tone amused and playful. You were starting to sound like you again.

“Well, ever since I got this pesky soul back, I’ve had an unbearable amount of feelings running about in my head, so I figured I could at least put them to good use.”

“Spike, are they…?” You perked up with excitement. He smiled sheepishly.

“Poems.” He looked down at seemingly endless pages of his writings and back at you. “They’re mostly about you, of course. I thought, maybe, you’d like to hear them. See if they’d make you feel a little better.” You were almost too awestruck to nod.

“I’d really like that.”

With your cereal in hand, you curled up beside him, laying your head back against his shoulder. He read softly and slowly, his gentleness with his words almost lulling you to sleep. The poems were beautiful, forcing you to stay awake if only to hear one more word. Spike felt you relaxed against him as he read and paused his reading to kiss your forehead, then your cheek, and lastly your lips.

You felt the emptiness for a few more days, but each day, he was by your side, making sure you ate and gave yourself time to breathe. By the time you started to feel normal again, he’d read most of his poems and continued to write more and you were able to go for your evening walks without feeling exhausted. Your friends were more than supportive and helped you through it all while still giving you the space you needed.

It wasn’t the last time an episode like this happened, but now you always knew that, no matter what, you’d never be alone.

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