#i think ive been banned for at LEAST a year

[crazylittlejester]

OH MY GOD. OH MY FUCKING GOD. EVERYONE STOP WHAT YOURE DOING. IM NO LONGER BANNED FROM MY COLLEGE POOL. HOLY SHIT.

[runawaymarbles]

some things that may or may not happen after the ending of Swan Lake

"Odette, now resigned to her existence, bids a sad, lingering farewell to Siegfried. The prince knows that she is gone forever. In utter grief, he is left alone." - Swan Lake (Kent Stowell version) summary

I. Siegfried is left alone. He will always be alone. He dies an old man at the edge of a lake.

II. Siegfried is alone. He will always be alone. He dies a young man in the middle of a lake.

III. Siegfried is alone. He is alone until the night after the party, when a swan appears at his bedroom window. He has never seen the glow of moonlight on her wings before, and the sight makes him cry.

When he opens the shutters, she settles next to him on his featherbed. She can’t cry anymore, but she bops him on the head a few times.

IV. Siegfried is alone, and he cries on the Jester’s lap. The Jester doesn’t think he’s paid enough for this. He certainly doesn’t have a joke prepared for when the crown prince accidentally declares his love to the wrong bird.

The Queen wonders if she can adopt the Jester and marry him off.

V. Siegfried is alone, officially, but he’s never truly alone because there is a swan that follows him everywhere. Anyone who wants to get any business done learns that they are not allowed to question this.

The swan is kind of an asshole, though: she’s especially prone to biting women who look at the prince just a little too long.

VI. Siegfried is alone, entirely, and intends to always be alone. “I will never love again,” he says, to anyone who will listen.

“That will certainly make a much better ballad,” his mother says, “the poets will be thrilled. But we’ve still got a kingdom to run and a dynasty to continue.”

VII. Siegfried is officially not alone, but he’s not happy about it. He has a pet swan who is also not happy about it. And a new wife, who is the least happy of them all.

“The swan stays in the marital chamber during sex,” the prince says.

His wife would find a way to kill him if she wasn’t afraid of said swan pecking her eyes out.

VIII. Siegfried is only sort of alone, and he hasn’t given up: he asks the Jester to promise to love his swan more than any other woman, on the grounds that the Jester has no sisters and has never loved a woman, nor does he intend to. “I don’t think he specified romantic love,” Siegfried says.

The Jester promises to be the bird’s bestie for life, and suddenly the swan is a woman, and there are screams from outside because the swans that have taken up residence along the roof are women now, too.

IX. Siegfried isn’t quite alone, but he isn’t happy, because the Jester promises, and nothing happens. The prince and the swan go off to cry again. The Jester asks the Queen for a raise.

X. Siegfried is alone. He changes his crest to one that shows a swan, wings spread above a blue square lake. He rules his kingdom, as fairly as one can ever be while wielding absolute authority, but spends the rest of his life watching the sky. He dies alone on a bed made of straw.

XI. Siegfried is alone. One day, a friend points out some swans to him, but he refuses to look at them.

“The form of a swan is a prison and a curse,” he says. “What if that’s not what they’re supposed to be?”

He bans all depictions of swans from the kingdom.

XII. Siegfried is alone, or he isn’t. Either way, he becomes a vegetarian.

XIII. Siegfried is alone. But he has loved, now, and he knows how to do it again. One day, he manages to move on.

He teaches his daughter everything he has been able to learn about preventing curses.

XIV. Siegfried is alone. He fucks the Jester.

XV. Siegfried is alone. A few years later, he learns that a minor noble some forty miles away has a beautiful new wife and two dozen new maidservants. Nobody is sure where they all came from.

But Siegfried knows, and he cries, and he is happy for her.

XVI. Siegfried isn’t alone. He gifts the swan that follows him around the fluffiest pillows. Demand she be paid the choicest foods. The jokes and rumors abound, but he ignores them.

Sometimes servants will hear him talking to the swan as though she’s a person. Sometimes they swear there’s a pattern to her honks, like she’s answering him.

XVII. Siegfried is alone, although he treats his pet swan like a queen. Sometimes, the servants will hear him talking to her.

“Can you still understand me?” he asks. “Odette. Please. Tap my hand if you understand me.”

The swan doesn’t move, until the prince offers more shrimp.

XVIII. Siegfried isn’t alone, until he is. Because swans mate for life, but that life is only a decade or so. When she dies, he calls for a week of mourning throughout the kingdom.

And when she dies, there’s a part of him—a part that he hates—that feels free.

XIX. Siegfried isn’t alone. Because Von Rothbart is defeated, somewhere. Maybe he cursed the wrong princess. Maybe he fell and broke his hip. All anyone know for sure is that one morning, there is a woman lying on the cushions reserved for the swan.

Salad and shellfish go out of favor, as the new queen refuses to eat them.

XX. Siegfried is alone, until a woman shows up at the castle. She’s wearing a white dress splattered with blood, and carrying what appears to be the severed wing of a giant owl. The prince mounts it on the wall above their thrones.

XXI. They live happily ever after.

XXII. Or, they don’t.

[cringecat69]

still alive

hey guys i dont think anybody worried but id like to say, im still alive. i havent been at all active anywhere and likely will not be for the foreseeable future unless a miracle happens

you might have at least noticed i did not do anything at all on artfight

why is this..? well:

i have had severe mental issues. these issues have been here for years since i can remember really, but they have been worsening, and have become way too much this year

you might know ive had some weird episodes and really bad coping mechanisms if youve looked into me properly

my parents discovered this just recently, and after a relapse ive been forced into isolation at my house, mostly unable to speak to my friends (only have done so about 3 times in nearly 50 days of this) and completely banned from using a phone or computer.

im a sneaky guy alright i do manage to sneak in a few times because otherwise id have given up or gone even more insane

i am now beginning to see a proffessional for these issues (and i have to keep them under control while i get assessed first, in fear of getting beaten again by my parents OR involuntarily admitted into a mental hospital)

i ccant put into words just how much i miss everything

and i do not know if i will ever make a proper return unless i get out of here but i really hope they get some sense knocked into them

that is if i can get out of here, because they've expressed that they will most likely use whatever i get diagnosed with as a weapon against me to keep me with them under the guise of me being unable to care for myself or being a danger to myself

TL;DR: my mental health is awful, because of it my parents banned me from everything probably forever-ish, im afraid and i miss you guys so much and making art, im sorry

[lbulldesigns]

DEMECIA CIVIL WAR ON THE HORIZON!

The latest reports from Demecia have come in, and it's not looking good, folks.

After the confirmed assassination of King Jarvan Lightshield III, his son and successor. The now King, Jarvan Lightshield IV, has made a declaration that any and all mages and potential mages will be subjected to registration and regular report ins. Or at least that is what the public announcement was.

Recent reports have shown a different reality altogether. Anonymous sources have reported mages, being arrested on the street and dragged away without their rights being delivered to them.

It has also been reported that those housing mages or potential mages, such as friends, family, and even landlords and ladies, have also been subjected to the same treatment.

King Jarvan IV originally stated that the decision to have mages report in for registration, was a bid to ease the mind of "everyday civillians" as well as root out the supposed second conspirator in King Jarvan Lightshield III assassination.

But these recent arrests have pointed at the main motivation behind Jarvan IV actions, as nothing more than a grief-stricken son using his fathers death as an excuse to lay blame upon the heads of those he has held in contempt his entire life.

Jarvan IV has never made it a secret on his opinions of mages and magic, a stark contrast to his father who was working towards improving the lives of his magical inclined subjects as well as change the minds of those who have stubbornly clung to their bigoted opinions.

Let me as you folks. Who was the one to discover the late Kings body? Jarvan IV.

Who was the one to benefit and ascend to power off or the late Kings death? Jarvan IV.

Now am I saying that Jarvan Lightshield IV orcastrated his own father's death just to ascend the throne and bring down the hammer upon those who are guilty of nothing else then being born with magic.

No. I can recognise grief when I see it. However, where is this evidence of a second conspirator?

All we have are the words of Jarvan IV and Magistrate Tianna Crownsguard, a woman who has been advocating for the detainment of mages for years.

Demecia is a proud nation, too proud. Their backwards way of thinking has been a point of concern with the rest of Runeterra and Valoran for years, and it seems that Demecias proud as punch nature is going to finally tear apart the very nation they adore.

As of now, Demecia officials have called a ban on mages leaving the country. They have declared any and all mages and their families attempting to leave, including those visiting the country, who will be treated with suspicions and suspects of terrorism or conspirators.

I'm no clairvoyant. But if things continue on like this folks, then I see more than just civil war coming to Demecia.

Even now, Noxus has made moves to strengthen their borders and have announced their willingness to allow those wishing to migrate away from the coming conflict to take residence within their empire.

Keep your peepers peeping folks more updates coming soon.

[nimata-beroya]

20 Questions For Writers

This was sitting on my notifs for a few days and i finally took the time to do it. Thank my darling @takadasaiko for the tag!! 💕💕

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

I have 88 works in total, 31 of which are for Star Wars.

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

574,873 words.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Currently, I'm only writing for Star Wars. But I used to write for Arrow and Supergirl, and ASoIAF, Dark-Hunters and Chronicles of Nick are in standby. I'm waiting for right motivation to come back to any of the last 3.

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

I'm only talking about Star Wars fics here...

Kadala (The Mandalorian) [and 4th place in most kudos of all my works]

Rough Awakening (The Bad Batch) [and 5th place in most kudos of all my works]

Welcome to Yavin IV (Rebels)

An Explosive Situation (Rebels)

Rescue on Ryloth (The Bad Batch)

And the the rest of my all-time fics with most kudos are

Take Your Breath Away (Arrow)

Undisclosed Desires (Arrow)

Made For You (ASoIaF/Game of Thrones)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I try my best, but sometimes I forget, and then it's been weeks and months since I got the comments that I'm embarrassed to reply them after so long. Even though, I think it's important that a writer let the reader/commenter that they appreciate it, even if it's with a simple "thank you" or an emoji. I know I'm being a hypocrite here since I fail to do what I preach, but it doesn't make it less true.

6. What’s the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I think that would be Drifting, because it's kind of open ending, left to be interpreted, so it could end however the reader wants. Although, I left an author's note at the end saying what's my preferred ending, which always will be inclined to the happy side.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

High Above the Ground because is the happy ending i want for Commander Fox and Riyo Chuchi. They deserve only the best!

8. Do you get hate on your fic?

No, not really. I've gotten only 1 stupid message of someone criticizing a fic, but that was years ago when I still posted on FF dot net. The joke was on the reader because I moderated all the comments there so I just deleted it and nobody saw it but me. Honestly, I just laughed about it cuz their argument was just stupid.

9. Do you write smut?

I do, all kinds -from the most tame thing to the most perverted. But I used to wrote way more in my old fandoms, especially for Arrow. I think for Star Wars I've written just 1 or 2 smutty fics, and tamed at that.

10. Do you write crossovers?

I've tried a couple of occasions but never finished them. I'm not opposed to them obviously, but I do think the combination of fandoms has to be just right to work. Or at least, when it's me doing the writing.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Yes! Many, many years ago in the first fandom I ever wrote for. It was awful and hated it! You see, this was in the stone age of the internet when fandom specific sites abounded and not everyone had an account on FFnet yet (and Ao3 was not even a dream). The site I published on was split in 2 sections because the ships war in the fandom was bloody and ruthless, so to avoid the slaughter, I kept myself in my preferred side. But one day, a friend who read fic on both sides told me that someone stole my fics. Avoiding to get caught, the person who did it published them under a pen name that was almost exact to mine, she only added a period at the end, which could easily go unnoticed. Oh, and she interchanged characters names so it'd fit the other ship.

At first, my friend thought I had posted them but she knew I'd never write for that ship, like ever. In the end, it turned out that I wasn't the only one who had being plagiarized. Several people ON BOTH SIDES were. Thankfully, the person was caught and banned, but we almost burned the site down because of the whole shitshow.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

By me, yes, several. All into Spanish (my mother tongue). By others, not that I know of.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic?

Yes! A couple of times for different fandoms, and I loved it. I hope I'll do it again. The thing is that you need to find the right partner for it, or it can be a nightmare.

14. What‘s your all-time favourite ship?

I don't appreciate this question, let me tell you. It's hard to choose. But I think I have to go with Olicity. I love them still (even if the show ending ruined it for me). Close second would be Braime (and I'm glad that there's still hope for them on the books, because as usual the show fucked them so but sooooo bad)

And as Star Wars specific, I don't think anyone will be surprised if I say it's Kalluzeb, right 🤣 They're my babies and I adore them!

15. What’s the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Anything for Arrow or Supergirl. I sworn off those fandoms after their respectively awful endings.

No promises, but there's still hope for all if my unfinished works for Star Wars 😅

16. What’s your writing strengths?

Coming up with ideas. So, so many ideas. All the time and I want to write them all.

17. What’s your writing weaknesses?

Finishing writing the above-mentioned ideas. I tend to splay myself too much when I'm writing, and it takes me forever to get to the portion I really want to write (usually the idea that sparked the whole writing process) and I lose steam. That's why I have so many unfinished WIPs. I wish they'd write themselves.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

It's ok if used sparingly. A word here, a phrase over there is fine, but if a wall of dialogue that the reader needs to scroll down to the notes or click on a tooltip to find out the meaning it's the worst!!! A better solution for a writer that really needs/wants to have a whole conversation in another language for plot reasons or whatever, then all they need to do is to say once that the characters are talking in the other language and put the dialogue in the same language they've been writing the rest of the narrative and in italic.

The characters who don't speak the language won't understand what's being said, but the reader will and their reading will be more pleasant and fluid.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

An Argentinian show called Floricienta. A modern retelling of Cinderella.

20. Favourite fic you’ve ever written?

I don't like this question either! All my fics are my babies! How do you want me to choose?!! There are so many I'm proud of. I guess I'll point the most recent one: Feed Me Poison, Fill me till I Drown I really like how this story is coming along. It's not done yet (what else is new? 😅) but what's coming is so so good!

Tagging (no pressure): @renee561 @thecoffeelorian @genericficerblog @airlockfailure @mistr3ssquickly @insertmeaningfulusername @fanfictasia

[turbobyakuren]

@tsuki-sennin thank you for the words, it means a lot. Ive had this account for over 10 years so it feels like a smack in the face.

No reason was given at all. Bam. My guess was that i used the old twitter layout extension, i had NO problem using it in the past. But given how theres a lot of people whove been suspended with no warning in the past few days, im thinking this is an automatic banning process that went haywire

Ive tried to appeal over 6 times, but every time i get an automatic bot response. Ive sent an email to the EU X requesting an archival of my data to at least get that since im european, so im crossing my fingers with it.

It’s very frustrating that you can get your entire person wiped from the face of earth for no reason.

[richkidcityfriends]

your opinion on 2022 winter Olympics

okay so im assuming this is only about figure skating and i mean oml there was so much going on. below the cut bc i think this is gonna be long.

okay so FIRST OF ALL the kamila valieva situation. where to begin. (as a note: none of this is a statement on her except in relation to the 2022 olys)

the positive test being from rusnats and only being found out in february is weird. idk if we ever found out exactly why that happened? but i can only assume it was meddling from the russian end.

i think the media response was cruel, and i think part of that was a lot of people were trying to talk about it without knowing the full situation, but the amount of vicious hate and blame kamila received was unjustified. she was fifteen years old and in an abusive situation, to what extent she knew about the doping is irrelevant in my mind, the blame falls on the adults in power (mainly her coaches). eteri tutberidze is notoriously controlling and abusive, and there is no way any of that was happening without her being responsible. she controls the amount of WATER her skaters can drink. skating at that level, especially in russia, your coach is practically your primary guardian; if eteri told her to dope then there was pretty much nothing she could do. only eteri girls were ever going to go to the olympics, if she switched coaches that would have ended her life's goal (and the way they train is so all-consuming that to not get to the olympics at all would have felt life shattering).

should she have been been allowed to skate? i dont think so. at least partially bc it essentially proves to coaches that you can "get away with" doping as long as the people you are drugging are children. obviously having an athlete who has taken performance enhancing drugs is unfair to everyone else, but that goes without saying. HOWEVER i do understand the worry that the test could have been wrong or she might not have known, either way it would have been unfair to her. (the "irreparable harm" quote is always taken out of context - they meant that if she skated and was found guilty they could strip her of the medal, but if she was banned and found innocent there was no fixing it). ultimately though i think letting her skate was the wrong decision (especially since the case STILL hasnt been settled).

i dont think eteri told her to throw the free to make sure the others got their medals, because she looked so traumatised afterwards and eteri reacted so badly (ive never understood this theory tbh)

that was the first scandal from the olys but oml it was definitely not the last. there was so much going on. olympics from hell. lets talk about the womens podium.

(but first a note on ultra c elements: do i think the sport is suffering because of the increased value placed on jumps? yes. do i think artistry is important? absolutely. do i think there is a conversation to be had about the morals of training young children (especially girls) to do dangerous jumps that cause permanent damage to their bodies? one hundred fucking percent. things need to change in this sport. however. i will make repeated references to whether or not someone is jumping ultra c when discussing the podium, because that is how its scored atm, and i do think that they aren’t irrelevant (it is a sport, athletic feats are also important) just please please know that i am also taking artistry into account its just harder to objectively phrase in a short paragraph and this is already long enough). okay caveat over. please no one attack me. lets go.

look i KNOW the most pressing question is do i think anna deserved gold HOWEVER. have you considered. did anna deserve to be sent to the olympics at all. and this makes me insane because like?? skating like she did at the olys?? yeah she probably deserved to be there!! so it kinda seems mean to talk about this but ALSO i feel like we definitely have to not forget it so. the russian olympic team was pretty much based off of the podium for rusnats, which that year was kamila, sasha, anna. but anna in third place was veryyy controversial bc like. she had no ultra c elements at all (and her tech is DODGY so without them it gets even harder to justify her high scores) but elizaveta had a triple axel (and better tech) so a LOT of people thought that she should have come third, but rusfed just wanted to send anna to the olys instead (which i pretty much agree with).

but okay whether you like it or not she DID make the olympic team so. womens olympic podium. a grenade of a question. everyone is allowed their own opinions on it im not saying anyone is wrong if they think differently!!!!! also im only going to talk about the top five bc this is already wayyy too long.

i know on tiktok a while back the popular opinion was that wakaba should’ve been gold, which i don’t really agree with, however she absolutely should not have been fifth. no doubt in my mind she should have been at LEAST fourth, if not third. kamila should have been behind her i don’t care how many quads she was attempting, she fell like five times. she got through on reputation and the eteri bonus alone. kaori did skate cleanly, but with no triple c, and her tech isn’t great on some of her jumps, so wakaba (who fell on a jump, but had a triple axel, and generally better tech and artistry imo) could have come third and i would have been happy. anna i go back and forth on, because her artistry is alright, and technically she does jump quads, but her tech skills are SO questionable (her quad lutz is neither a quad nor a lutz). the tech bar for quads is lower than for triples, and i do kinda think that makes sense, but her quad tech is worse than most of the other quad jumping girls so it’s a fair comparison. i don’t think she deserved gold, but im never fully sure about silver either. honestly her, wakaba, and kaori can fight it out for second/third/fourth. in terms of actual skaters i like wakaba best, in terms of who performed best on the day i think you could make a compelling argument for any order.

that of course leaves sasha in first place. i know she fell on her triple axel in the short, but the only people who didn’t fall at all were anna (i’ll talk about her last) and kaori, and while triple c elements aren’t the only important thing, the skater who fell on one and landed five kind of has to be above the skater who attempted none at all, imo, so that puts kaori out of the running. wakaba fell once as well, and she definitely has the edge on artistry, but i don’t think sashas artistry was as bad as a lot of people say, especially in her short, so i don’t think thats quite enough to put wakaba ahead of sasha overall. sasha’s tech skills were so much higher than the rest of the skaters that i think it would be almost impossible to bridge that gap with artistry alone. lastly theres anna, who ofc actually won the ogm. two clean skates, slightly better artistry, much worse tech (i know sasha’s tech isn’t perfect either, but she’s definitely better – id say thanks to plushenko). annas tech should have been called, if not her edges then at least for prerotation. sasha fell on a triple axel and anna landed a double in the short, sasha landed five quads and anna landed two in the free. taking into account how poor her quad tech is, i don’t think that her artisty is enough to pass sasha.

however!!!! again i want to reiterate!!!!! everyone is allowed their own opinions on this!!! i do not give a damn if you think that anastasiia shabotova should have come first!!!! go you!!! to each their own <3

now for something that i do think you can wrong about. the reaction to sashas reaction to the scores was appalling. she was seventeen years old (a CHILD) in an extremely high stress situation and had been told by her (abusive, manipulative) coaches that if she landed all five quads she would win, and when this turned out to be untrue she got upset and had what was clearly a panic attack, asked not to be filmed and was ignored by every cameraman in the area, had to immediately go in front of millions of people while still being a mess, and was then attacked from all angles for being “ungrateful” and “showing bad sportsmanship.” show some empathy. (especially ppl who are still giving out about it now “on behalf of anna” when they seemed to be at least friendly again as soon as the very next day)

OKAY WE’RE ALMOST DONE i mostly only follow women’s so the rest of this is going to be brief

sui/han deserved ogm, my sister and i were rooting for miura/kihara to do well but we knew there was no chance for a medal. loving seeing them do so well rn.

nathan chen’s costume was ridiculous. last time i said my nathan chen take i got eaten alive on tiktok so im not gonna say much about him. he did deserve gold tho.

scoring felt harsh on yuzuru. wish he’d gotten another ogm but it wasn’t meant to be. im glad he got to attempt the quadruple axel at the olympics at least.

papadakis/cizeron ogm deserved.

oh MY god i forgot about the team event. pls someone save me. im so sorry i know no one wants this much. this isn’t even the worst i can do. i have talked at my friends for hours straight before about figure skating. i cant help it i have no control. we are going to ignore the team event okay. Just give them their medals. pls. i beg. they still don’t have their medals. i know it sucks for the rest of the russian team if they lose the gold bc kamila was stripped but you have to give the rest of them their medals.

anyway if you made it until the end here is a gold star ⭐ i don’t know how you did it.

[noodleblade]

Miscellaneous Tag Game (stolen title <3)

thank you bestie:3 @searchingfortheuniverse I'll be working on this while im on and off phone calls~

A band you don’t like that many others do: UM idk...my music taste is all over the place and I really only know the bands i think?? oh- maybe Mother Mother, only because I have not bothered to listen to their music past Junkrat hype videos and that's probably tainted my view a little. For better or for worse.

A childhood memory that you remember vividly: during a summer in greece, idk how, but I got roped into selling watermelons off the side of the road. I couldn't have been more than 6 or 7, but I remember I would put the watermelon in a plastic bag and the farmers thought it was really funny because that's such a...united states thing...to bag 1 whole watermelon in plastic. Anyways, they paid me in cucumber slices with salt.

Least favorite animal and why: HUH LEAST. I'm not a huge fan of like reptiles? Specifically those smaller than a bread box. Too fast, too squirm. Im worried I'll crush them in my hands. (im thinking of specifically florida geckos...idk they are cute but i freak out trying to hold them).

Hot fandom take: just because something is popular and fandom-wide accepted doesn't mean it is good. and not agreeing with it/wanting to engage in it doesn't mean you or your own opinions are bad. the monopoly on accepted 1 true canon is boring.

Do you wear any jewelry, if so, what’s your favorite piece: I try an rotate my jewelry around but I'm usually wearing a few rings, a necklace and a pair of earrings. My favorites are the rings. They are my mom's old ones and I typically wear the same two every day. One is a gold key of greece and the other is a thin black bar but the sides have really small thin heart cut outs.

A movie others liked but you didn’t: HMMMMM probably the new star wars trilogy. felt unnecessary and i just didn't like it? big shruggies

Three things you love about yourself: my writing- its something that I enjoy the most in the world and something that I can claim as mine. I also think I'm pretty funny in a sillay way which is poggers. I like my openness to trying things. Think that's helped make me more well-rounded. I hope so at least.

A place you hope to visit in the future and why: HMMMMM. I want to visit Japan again. For a new place, I want to go to South America. Peru maybe??? Mexico would also be nice. So that's what I'm gearing up towards next.

An actor that gets on your nerves and why: Uh Matt Smith? No reason behind this. but I see his block head and kind of just look away.

Things you’re excited for in the nearby future? I have a lot of little house projects I finally feel like tackling which is exciting. Ive lived in my house for almost 2.5 years and still havent felt like parts of it are complete yet.

Least favorite ship in a fandom you’re in: oof I lowkey kind of hate saying things I don't like on here. bad experiences in the past when people were upset I didn't like a thing they did and got mad at me. But uhhh not the biggest fan of most rodimus ships? but I think mega/rod is my least favorite of them. sorry!

What’s the most toxic fandom you’ve been in? hahaahahahhahahah can you believe Game of Thrones wasn't the most toxic???? it was jjba. I got put on a ban list which was kind of funny. I also got kind of show-ponyed in a toxic discord server for a while which has completely ruined me in the ability to act normal on discord outside of my irl friends. that account is deleted but the ao3 is still circling around.

List three things you find beautiful about life: Friends and family- sometimes I want to kill but I really do love them so so much. I like creating things and creating things with people. I also really like my area as far as nature goes. the beach to swamp ratio sings to me.

Any dreams for the future? I want to go on a really long hike. Maybe like a 2 day one? (< says the person that has gone on a max 2 hour hike before). Also just working on my original fiction again. I miss those fellas.

How are you really feeling today? Motivated!!!! Im a little groggy still, but I've been really excited about life and betterment lately so its overcoming my sleepy brain.

Tags: feel free to do or not: @honkytonka, @elmonstro, @huanted-dennys, @feral-birb-husband, @solarstormstuff @anyone else who wants to!! I'd be happy to read them:3

[officalroyalsofpierreland]

Screening the Outsider

Oliver's Office, Highland House, Edinburgh, Scotland | The Next Day

Oliver: Why now Mr. Simparte....why now..

Oliver: What is your plan old man...

Angus: Sir, Mr. Louis Simparte has arrived. Louis: Your Royal Highness. Oliver: Thank you Angus. Kindly ensure we aren’t disturbed. Mr. Simparte…Please, have a seat.

Louis: Thank you Sir. Oliver: Please…call me Oliver, we are family now after all. And frankly, it’s the two of us having an honest conversation. Louis: Then call me Louis. May I first offer my congratulations on your nuptials to my granddaughter. It is a shame her father is no longer with us to have witnessed them. Oliver: Thank you Louis. I’m sure Napoleon IV was watching from wherever he is.

Louis: I see you got my book. Oliver: You released it with quite a splash. Ruffled a few feathers in the Imperial court but that doesn’t surprise you. Louis: they need to have them ruffled. But we are not in Francesim, we are in Scotland. Have I ruffled yours as well? Oliver:  Piqued my interest more than anything. Especially when my wife would like to hear you out and yet has been counseled by her family not to read your book. Louis: And your counsel? You must know how much weight she’ll place on it. Oliver: That it was up to her. To read or not. To meet you or not. I just wanted to give her the freedom to choose. And a safe place to make these choices. Something I believe you’d agree with. Louis: I do. It is beautiful to know that she will have the freedom to choose. Tell me young Oliver, if she ever decided to leave you. Would you let her?

Oliver: If there was no path to reconciliation, then yes. My family does not want to confine people anymore than our position confines us. Why release the book now? You’ve had years to release some form of memoir, no? Louis: Anything I would’ve written, would have either not been the full truth or would’ve been banned in Francesim. I wanted the French to have the freedom to choose to read. Oliver: You worried about reprisals? Louis: Of course. I was a source of shame for my sons. A pariah. My work with the UN certainly caused Charles issues. Oliver:  Speaking of the late emperor…some of what you’ve written has caused a great deal of distress for my wife…she loved her father dearly. Louis: If I were to speak with her, I’d never disparage Charles infront of her. The fact that he could inspire such love from his daughter is something that I am proud of. But Charles as a politician and emperor….if those questions are asked, I will not shy away from them. Oliver: I expect nothing less. You are anything but shy in your remarks. Louis: I will say. I admire your own guts. You stand up to the Simparte in your own way. And yet, you somehow managed to marry your way in. Oliver [chuckling]: I think your grandson likes to collect outsiders. Finds us amusing. Louis: Simparte are known for collecting many things…art, stamps, this is the first I’m hearing of outsiders. [jokes] Think I’d be able to be added to the collection? Oliver [laughs]: I highly doubt it. Hortense is the more openminded of the two…she is at least willing to hear and read your side. Louis: And has the freedom to do so.

@empiredesimparte

[sburbian-sage]

Hello there! Its gm again

Glad we finally got this working

A lot has happened, from my perspective its been about two and a half years, ive completed a further two sessions

But i think we did it, i think we're out

We're back on earth, like normal earth

Well kinda normal

Sburb doesn't seem to exist here and our sylladex's have vanished along with basically everything we didnt have on our persons when we walked through the door

We had a hell of a session, one where we god tiered relatively early game due to the danger

Of the four of us (space, time, breath, and light) we seem to have retained little dregs of power, small things, our space player can give you the dimensions of a room down to the millimeter from just a glance type of things

I have an intimate awareness of time even without a clock

As far as we can tell paradox space is still out there but is functionally unreachable at the current moment due to technological restraints

Took about a year of tinkering just to get a stable signal using the replay-net dongle

Its

Is it strange that i miss it? Its strange out here, for gods sake i work at a gas station now how wild is that

Ive killed hundred of thousands if not millions or more enemies and created thing beyond understanding and met clowns and fought kings and queens and Eldritch beings and made fucking universes and i work at a gas station! A fucking gas station dude! Arguably the most normal of jobs that you could have!

Its wild! its so far beyond insanity that the four of us are sure we have to be in the game still

But its right there in the fuckin sky, like no one else can see it, a giant "thanks for playing"

We cant even go to some kind of therapy cause who the fuck would believe us? Gods sake our youngest is 13! She has at least 15 sessions under her belt, how the fuck do you even recover to a societal normal after decades of being fucking 13!

Its like sburbs final fuck you

I wish i knew what we did, how we got out how the fuckin menu got fixed or if it was just some fucking random twist of data

I wish i could help others leave

But we dont know and we have no way of figuring it out without access to the game and ill be fucking damned if we push our luck

I wish i could help you

The Sylladex isn't a SBURB thing, anyone can do that, dingus. Post disproven.

Okay but for real, even putting aside the fact that I innately refuse to believe "I found a way to fix the game" stories, especially with the addendum of "the game fixed itself mysteriously", I do have to interrogate the intention behind sending this ask. It can't help anyone because it happened randomly, it double-can't help me because I am not even in a position to receive random twists of fate. And ending it off with the random pitiable "I wish I could help you"? Every so often some guy will troll around by claiming they beat the game, say everyone else has a "skill issue" or is "not seeing the bigger picture which is why you're stuck there", and then starts making crass comments about how we're stuck standing in a circle and providing genetic material to a frog while they're going to spend the rest of their immortal life in their new universe being fed grapes and receiving blowjobs from their followers (and then they get banned), and I have to say, at least the troll posts are funny.

Even if this is true and you are now free from the game >assuming that a new SBURB session can't or won't be initiated in this new world, I cannot really help you acclimate to living a new life in a normal world, nor can I direct you to a resource that can do the same, because nobody has experienced this. The closest you'll get is guys with absurdly long (we're talking around three years) pre-Sessions, and even then they know the game is about to begin on some level, even if they don't know when, and that dread kind of characterizes the entire text. So enjoy that I guess.

[officialgleamstar]

SINCE IM TALKING ABOUT BOOK BINDING TONIGHT. UHM. ^-^ heres a small collection of some books i made in school that im proud of! i dont post my schoolwork on tumblr much, so. why not now that im graduated and have a degree in book arts LOL plus one bonus letterpress print since thats a related artform!!!

firstly, non-narrative and more structure focused: my current sketchbook!!! this is a gate fold, meaning it opens up on both sides, done with coptic binding!!! literally my favorite structure to do, especially for sketchbooks. i dunno why im so entranced by this structure. its inconvenient, even, at times. i just think it looks awesome

BOUND. MY MASTERPIECE BOUND. GOD. this piece went through a lot of different stages, but ultimately, it ended up being an exploration of bondage and the human form!! the book itself gets tied up, meaning theres a very physical element of having to untie and then retie it. i did some blind embossing which i loved. its loose leaf within a container which i adore as a structure. and its just SO. FUN. I LOVED MAKING IT. i dyed the rope myself :]

ive always been a big fan of ephemeral work (for those unaware - ephemeral work is temporary, meaning it gets destroyed as part of the piece!), and i was like. severely in a way at the beginning of last year after my grandfather's death. so i did a piece where i wrote 79 pages obsessively documenting every single thought i had about his death, then dressed up in the dress i wore to his funeral and destroyed the book in front of all of my classmates! my professor was astounded but worried that i maybe did it a little too soon which. yeah. probably. not gonna subject yall to the video of that LOL but heres the last page - i had 80 pages, so this is what i put for the 80th page. this piece was more about the performance than the book, so it doesnt look great, but i would feel weird not mentioning it at least

for a more uhhh not LIGHTHEARTED but fictional take on ephemeral pieces - I LOVE BURNING BOOKS. i love burning books, i have burnt SEVERAL books (not great considering that lighters were banned on my campus but my professors never ratted me out--) but heres just one example! this was a story about a lesbian in a group of bikers, coming to terms with her sexuality and the fact that she was in love with her friend A's wife, B. i absolutely LOVED making this book, it was early in my uhhh more pyromaniac books so its not AS burned as it could be. things with claws was like FULLY BURNED THROUGH in many ways. but this was still so so fun, would love to come back to this book and remake it later

aaand finally - my bonus letterpress piece! this was for a project using gradient ink and i printed a part of in paths untrodden by walt whitman ^-^ this piece is why my professor started calling him "travis's good friend walt" LMAO i would NOT. SHUT UP. ABOUT HIM DFJBHGFJHBDJH im not entirely pleased with this piece, the gradient starts waaay too early but i do really love the subtlety :]

[pb-dot]

Film Friday: The Matrix

There really wasn't any doubt in my mind over what movie I was going to cover next in my Film Friday series. I did briefly consider a number of movies, but there was really only one I could go for if I was honest with myself. When asked the dreaded question of what my favorite movie is, I often ask, as a clarifying question if they mean favorite as in the one I enjoy the most, the one I think is the most skillfully made, or the most important to me as a person. If the answer is the latter, I invariably say it is today's movie: The Matrix.

So, what is it that makes this movie so important to me? Part of it is no doubt that it came out when I was young, and fate saw to it that I managed to see this R-rated piece of heady hyperviolence a few years before I was perhaps supposed to. It was given an age rating of 15 in my country, and I first saw it as a pre-teen.

The movie blew my mind back then, there's no two ways about it. The late 90's punky rave/cyber aesthetics and the soft-focus worn-out humanity of the postapocalyptic real world, the absolutely mind-bending action scenes of hand-to-hand and gunplay combat, and special effects that defined the entire following generation of action movies. The Matrix had it all, and it was also one of the first movies I had seen that made me think.

I've always been a ruminator, prone to pondering and thoughts that may charitably be described as philosophical, and The Matrix gave me a reference point and language to talk about it to my peers. Yeah, sure, most of my classmates didn't give a single hoot about the difference between what is perceived as real and what is real, but through the tale of Thomas Anderson awakening to the falseness of his reality as his hacker alias Neo, I had an in to talk about some of that stuff. The Matrix wasn't quite the phenomenon in my neck of the woods as I'm told it was elsewhere, so my inability to care about team sports was still a major albatross around my neck of course.

Now, if The Matrix was merely important to me as a child, that would fail to account for the sheer importance this movie has to me, even to this day. A further slice of the pie can be accounted for if I were to take my nascent crushes on Keanu Reeves, it would take more than a decade to realize the nature of this, and Carrie-Anne Moss, the nature of which became apparent to me considerably earlier. There is, however, more.

The part of me that's more of a nerd about technical filmmaking stuff than emotional impact when it comes to movies wants to take this moment to talk about the pacing and structure of The Matrix. Put plainly, this is just about the perfect Hero's Journey flick. People come back to Star Wars Episode IV, but for my money it doesn't have beans on The Matrix. Neo's journey maps just about perfectly onto the threshold-crossing, helpers and mentors, challenges and temptations, death and rebirth, transformation and attonement, the entire package. While following essentially Hollywood's favorite story recipe perfectly might not seem like a great achievement, The Matrix is really the strongest argument for using the formula to lend the story profoundly mythological feel.

It is no accident, I suspect, that reading into the christian symbolism of The Matrix became such a popular topic in the aughts that it, at least according to several anecdotes, was banned in many film litteracy classes mostly because the teachers and professors were sick of reading about it. I will, however, say that the most salient reading to me is the queer one.

In short, the readings of the film has tipped somewhat from the "Kung Fu Jesus"-read that was popular in the 00's to being viewed more as a trans allegory, in part thanks to both of it's directors coming out as openly trans since its release. There certainly is much to recommend this reading, the focus on found family and self-chosen names, the antagonist's purposeful use of Neo's given name, what we would today be calling deadnaming, and so on. The ambigiously gendered character Switch was reportedly also intended to have a different gender in the matrix and out of it, as their "Residual Self Image" did not match their physical body, sadly this turned out to be too spicy for late 90's Warner Broothers and so that idea was cut.

I do agree that a lot of the parts that make The Matrix stand out in my mind can be read as inspired by the lived experiences of its writer/directors The Wachowskis. I would, however, argue that a slightly wider reading as a story of queer awakening might describe the movie more accurately than a strictly trans story, but do keep in mind I say that as a cis bi guy, so it only stands to reason that the themes of queerness would resonate more with me.

With that awareness of my own biases achknowledged though, there is something deeply queer about Neo's awakening into the real world. As Thomas Anderson, he is driven to self-destructive acts by a resounding feeling of wrongness with the world he knows. Thomas is searching, both in the fringes of what he percieves of the physical world, and the open frontier of the internet, for answers that can soothe his worries.

What answer eventually finds him changes his entire reality. As Neo, he lives a life that is more dangerous and more separated from what he used to call the real world than ever before, but it is, in a fundamental sense, real. Meaningful relationship can happen there. There's room for tenderness, for jokes, for genuine cameraderie with others who are in his situation or something very close to it. This all reminds me an awful lot of the 1990 Clive Barker film Nightbreed in this regard. Neo doesn't take to it right away, his social senses, like his eyes and muscles, are weak because he has never actually used them before, but everyone who's there with him has been through it and thus understands. Well, everyone except one asshole, but stories do need antagonists after all.

I feel like I've given this movie only the most cursory of discussions since I haven't even gotten around to discussing the movie's wuxia-inspired fight scenes, its take on fate and properchy, or the complicated legacy of a movie about outcasts fighting the system by employing truly staggering levels of violence on other people who aren't real people on the level of our heroes and as such are acceptable targets. Especially the last point feels like it needs some elaboration in an age that has made "our opponents aren't as human as we are" a popular dogwhistle when calling for violence as a political tool. Maybe I'll get to writing some on that one of these days, but for now I gotta stop putting every thought I've had about The Matrix in the last 15+ years into this post or I'll never get to the end of it.

So, with that in mind, if you haven't seen The Matrix yet, or haven't seen it in a while, give it a go. It's good, and probably gayer than you expect and/or remember.

[wawawawawawawawawawawawawa]

hiiiiiiii we havent sent you any asks for some time. mostly because kanra didnt front much

[idk if you can recognize us after all the url changes]

ereyesterday our their of pissed suggested getting into an outpatient psychward and told us to think about it. and silver[headmate] made a post on the tumbler saying that this could be a bad idea because somewhat recently i made a hole in a wall and less than a week ago Lyra messed up a cupboard. as if we're the only ones who on occasion damage stuff when angered. this is literally so mean for no reason.

also. a few months ago shinra had an accident with a knife. and we got a fun new 1 inch long scar and possibly a little bit of nerve damage or something. and we were supposed to get some reminder tetanus shot around a month after that since i had no idea when was my previous tetanus shot. and i uhhhhhhh didn't get it since i'm scared of doctors, and it would probably seem quite weird if i went to a doctor about this now

also im sorta balding but. scared of doctors so cant do anything about that

last sunday i was in some social studies class or some other shit. and the teacher said something about how lgbt people were never oppressed in this country. which is a very bold thing to say as someone living in a country in which like a quarter of the area declared itself a "lgbt free zone" and only calmed down a little when the european onion told them that that's probably illegal. and i decided to argue with the teacher a bit. one of the things she said was that sometimes there's dudes in pup masks on pride parades, which invokes disgust and thus should be banned, and. idk why but i kinda expected teachers to have a bit more common sense than 14 year old twitter users. also i came to school wearing a spiked dog collar on a regular basis. [for reasons unrelated to kink.]

well. good thing i'm failing every single one of my classes lmao. at least i won't be invoking disgust in fragile old ladies

also. i just met a doggy and he was very niceys. very soft and friendly. and polite also.

- toby

HOW COULD I NOT RECOGNIZE U MY BESTIE IN CHRIST <3 u changed ur url a binch of times but ur icon remained the same sdlfndnfkjsnsdf so i was able to keep track!

i however do not understand a single word of that first paragraph. if u want my advice, DO NOT. FUCKING GO. TO A PSYCH WARD!!!!! idfc Who it helped, it hurts a lot more than it helps, theres NO WAY to tell which psych wards are good and which are shit. no really let me go thru them all rn:

REFERRALS: most professionals that work in different offices do not know each other on a personal level and may never hear of their bad stories. a doctor that was the chillest coolest doctor id ever met referred me to a psychiatrist that sucked fucking ass shit. there is no way to know for sure

GOOGLE REVIEWS: im gonna b real i dont trust some of those mfs. you seen the guys that go into psych wards? a lot of mentally ill people r internalizers and just accept whatever happens to them, and even if they arent, society looks down on the mentally ill SO MUCH that they could b told "you deserve this bc ur crazy" and due to all this societal gaslighting, theyd agree

REVIEWS ON OTHER WEBSITES: same thing lol

why is this so important? because you cannot Fucking leave a psych ward. an outpatient ward yeah you can leave, but ive been to both in and outpatient and they excert the same level of bullshit control over their patients. in outpatient, one of the therapist told me "you are not mentally ill" and made me cry lol. she MEANT to mean it in a "you're not mentally ill, you're ~suffering from a mental illness~ uwu dont let ur disorder define you" kinda way, but that concept was introduced in therapy..... two days after she told me this. like hello? and then she tried to spin it as like, it was a problem with Me i.e. My PTSD Was Triggered and not She Is Dog Shit At Timing The Explaining Of Concepts.

this place also invited my abuser into group therapy even after me incessantly telling them "this is my abuser, she will use all this against me" and yeah guess what she did immidiatley after lol

dont go to wards.

WRT THE KNIFE: damn :0 thats insane dude, hopefully the nerve damage will heal but from experience its gonna take like, a few years at minimum lmao. i had a Knife Incident involving my pinky and the nerve damage was so bad that i couldnt hold scissors w my pinky in the scissor loop thing but evenchually it got better but it took like 4 years. if the knife was clean and not rusty ur risk of tetanus is pretty low i THINK, do not quote me on this. if ur scared of doctors, look into if ur pharmacy offers tetanus shots! some pharmacies have vaccinations other than flu and covid (which i need 2 get lol rip) so u might be able to get one THERE and not see A Doctor about it!

u dont need a doctor for the balding. minoxidil my dear boy, its at walmart, its the stuff thats in rogaine. you want "minoxidil 5%" thats whats in rogaine, theres "minoxidil 3%" thats For Girls but idk ive never heard of anyone having a problem w it. IT IS TOXIC TO CATS THOUGH IT IS VERY VERY TOXIC TO CATS IF YOU HAVE A CAT DO NOT LET THEM FUCKING TOUCH YOU OR RUB ON YOU UNTIL IT DRIES ok? :) id google more if i were u but boom. problem solved. i am the doctor now

"dog masks invoke disgust and should be banned" babygirl disgust is subjective and like, someone could use that logic to ban whatever YOU like, or Are. maybe someone is really disgusted by lil old ladies bc the wrinkles look gross as fuck to them. should we quarrantine the grandmas?

also lol at the dig against 14 year old internet puritans and then surprise surprise guess what happened on This Very Blog while this ask was sitting n collecting dust!! i gotta b on my best behavior bc theres a nonzero chance that The Feds will be looking at this blog (did u know u dont report cybercrime to local police and instead theres a form on the fbi's website? Well Now You Know!) and that goes 4 all of u too. bart please be good..... for the love of GOD please be good....... please tell me yall know that simpsons scene

also also yay doggy!! was it a regular dog or a dude in a pup mask? either way very fun n cool!!!

[horce-divorce]

I'm 8 days post-op from Dr. Wrubel in Grand Rapids, Michigan!!

Just had my drains out & bolsters off, experiencing a euphoria heretofore previously unknowable to my mind and body, and it still hasn't REALLY even sunk in yet????? It's really real. It's really over. They're gone and I really never have to have tits ever again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

the first week, still being bandaged up in the binder with tubes coming out of my ribs, I mainly felt injured, the relief hadn't set in yet. It certainly made it MORE real, and I had a few fleeting moments of "it happened? Already?? That's IT???" But it was hard to feel like it's permanent with all that stuff attached. also i was very preoccupied (unrelated to surgery).

Also? Surgery (like massages!) can apparently bring a lot of deep emotions and trauma to the surface. Post-op depression is a real thing, surgery is a lot for a body to go through. For days post op I was bursting into tears randomly remembering shit from YEARS ago, sitting there saying shit like, "it feels like my chest was ripped open (emotion)!" and then laughing my ass off bc my chest WAS literally ripped open. Of course all the feelings came spilling out. I'm pretty well adjusted so I enjoyed this, but I can see how a heads up might behoove a person!

Yesterday, once the drains were out, I had more of those "it happened?!" moments. Less fleeting. Feeling my shirt material against my ribs for the first time, where my sideboob used to be, and bursting into tears because I never even knew I missed that. Reaching in front of me expecting to bump into/grab a boob and hitting nothing. Walking around comfortably for once, feeling muscles tense waiting for a bounce-and-slap that never comes back. My friends (even the cis ones?! even the cis nurse?!?!) screaming and yelling that my scars and nips look SO good.

So it's sinking in more now, at the 22 hour mark; I can look down and see how flat, and feel that I'm not wearing a binder, and take a deep breath. I can reach down to cup a boobie that is no longer there (a sensation not unlike missing a step going down the stairs, but much smaller, and much giddier). I reach too far and feel a half-painful, half-numb tug. It's getting LESS fleeting, but I can still smell the sutures, I can still feel where the drains were, I haven't yet felt the sun on my chest for the real first time but I think maybe today will be the day, and at least for the first time I can SEE that happening.

For the first time the future isn't just an abstract concept, or just maybe something I can have. 10 years ago I didnt know if I'd be alive the next day, let alone in a year or 5 years. Today, I know I'm going to go outside and feel the sun on my bare, flat chest and that it's going to move me emotionally in a way I've never been moved. I know that now. I know I'm going to start those rural queer meetings this month, we already have the time and place. I know I'm going to banned book club this month because I want to really bad and I said I would. I'm even fairly certain I might actually get to go to GR Pride again for the first time since 2015 (and only for the second time ever!!!!! Ive only been to Pride once and never while I was out as trans!!!!!). I know I'm healthy enough right now to camp more and do more rockhounding and foraging and hiking and things I love this summer. I'm going to fucking cry holy shit. I'm so grateful rn. I have so many good friends. I have so much to look forward to. I finally have a body I don't fucking hate lmao. This is such a vast difference from this time last year.

I don't even know what to do with myself right now, I feel like I have zoomies!!! I'd be running around except it hurts my tits LOL. Real talk tho my body still very much anticipates the weight of those things every time I take a step, my muscles tense to hold them, and then they just... aren't there? It's the WEIRDEST sensation of all time. It's actually kind of validating as fuck? to truly notice for the first time just how much the rest of my body had to compensate for those things?? I feel SO hard for anyone with yabbos off the size chart + back problems. Cursed fuckin combination. You definitively have to work extra hard just to carry those fuckin things around and it's unjust!!!

It is LITCHERALLY!!!! a weight off my damn chest and the rest of my body!!!!! Emotionally and physically!!!!!!!! Like I can't even anticipate how much this will help my sensory issues and that wasn't even something I'd considered when I signed up for it lol

Anyone who's sitting here apprehensive about top surgery: I won't sugarcoat it, okay, i have a high pain tolerance BUT sensory issues. I opted not to take any tramadol, and the first week was pretty gnarly (2 things can be true). The drains are a fucking nightmare, especially for any of my fellow autistic baddies looking at top, yeah, the sensory aspect, I tell ya... MAN. I will NOT lie, It is DIS-GUS-TENG. The actual surgical pain isn't much worse than like a bad flareup of my usual chronic pain; overall it's like a 6 or 7 at the absolute worst and that's only when I'm overdoing it and like touching my chest all the time/wearing a seatbelt/carrying shit I shouldn't have been carrying (again w/o the pain meds). It feels a bit bruised and more than a bit burned, tender and sore to the touch, but it's totally bearable and to me it's way less painful than dysphoria by a long shot.

absolutely every single second of it has been worth it and I never once doubted it was the right thing to have done. I would do it again with zero hesitation. If you have been waiting to look into top because, idk, you wanted a sign, or you're lazy, or you think it's gonna be too hard, or you're worried about recovery- here's your sign. don't be. The way I feel right now is something you deserve to feel. I want you to feel this way. And I promise there is no combination of words I can find that would do it justice. You just have to feel it for yourself. Stop waiting for the right time. You're alive right now. Call your surgeon. I love you.

[bmpmp3]

I FINALLY watched that barbie movie that came out, i watched it last night! it was cute and pretty solid i thought. and then immediately after finishing that i watched the 1989 found footage tv movie ufo abduction/the mcpherson tape?

barbie was mostly very funny (that smallpox joke is inexcusable tho) it seems aimed for maybe a tween-teen kind of audience? i havent heard of many big huge movies aimed at that demographic recently so thats really nice

you know i was worried id be insufferable to both barbie movie fans and barbie movie haters because i have 1) a doll hobby 2) too much interest in doll history and 3) a complete lack of trust and respect for mattel as a company in the past decade and i figured you wouldnt be able to talk to me about it without me um-actually-ing every two seconds BUT it wasnt as egregious as i expected in regards to doll history myths

im especially glad they didnt call stuff like happy family midge and earring magic ken like "recalled" or "banned" or whatever 'cause thats just one of those myths LOL BUT discontinued is a weird term... yeah they were discontinued but like. all dolls are some day. from what i can tell both those dolls werent even like prematurely (heh) discontinued or anything most reports seem that happy family midge sold okay (although there seems to have been controversies at least with the wedding ring and cardboard cutout husband situations) and earring magic ken probably didnt sell well. because hes ken. the earring magic barbies in the line probably sold better LOL i guess a better term could have been like. controversial barbies? infamous barbies? sugar's daddy ken is true and hilarious tho, although if i remember correctly it was like a collectors doll meant for adults that just never got released in the first place

I DID love tanner's inclusion. i love that stupid shitting dog so much i wanted it so bad as a kid but i didnt care about the barbie so it would have been a waste of a playset

speaking of not caring about the barbie so like. i didnt really like barbies as a kid. i didnt really like dolls. i was a furry i only liked animal shaped toys LOL i did have one barbie i picked out myself, fairytopia kindlee who i loved and adored and lost and i dream about her forever. but yeah nothing less interesting to me both as a child and as an adult than a default face sculpt blue eyed blonde barbie toy, which is, as most adults interesting in the modern day toy industry can attest, the reason for our disdain for mattel HFJDKHFDJS actually its more than that - weirdly inflated prices for cheaply made clothes and low quality printing, strangely dated fashion, the weird all or nothing either bare minimum 5 points of articulation or full out double jointed mtm bodies (where is single jointed elbows...i miss her....), THE DECADE LONG REIGN OF TERROR OF THE GLUE HEAD (although we're finally past that), why are those collectors dolls so expensive they look the same quality, why did they make that collectors mermaid ken white from the brown guy in the concept art, in canada the pricing and availability is wacky so i imagine its even worse everywhere else outside the US, this is a personal thing but why does every mattel doll ive ever owned like combust at its joints randomly. am i cursed? do i have a mattel curse? ive been thinking about this for years why does the plastic just disintigrate the second it enters my home what god did i anger. what plastic god did i anger. help me my bloodline has been cursed by some sort of polyvinyl based deity beyond my comprehension

anyway as i was saying it was a little sobering watching a movie with a good fashion and prop and set budget do a take on the memories of what barbie dolls used to be and then thinking about that absolutely dire state we're in rn. bro i kept looking at outfits like modern mattel would never. theyre too busy making half printed t shirt dresses with a random ruffle attached on the side <3 but vintage mattel would also not be as diverse. although neither mattel has an actually fat doll so. um. thats the saddest um-actually im gonna do :(

ive been joking to myself for years that barbie is the name of the species, ken might be some kind of subspecies, so it is funny to see the brand in both real life stores and also this movie lean into that. barbie really is a species. they do move in herds. wait im getting distracted anyway years ago barbie had a big refresh where they leaned into the idea that anyone can be barbie - everyone is barbie: they brought out new body types (standard, tall, short, and slightly curvy) which was a big step, a bigger range of skintones and all kinds of new face molds and screenings, also theres like bald barbies and barbies with prosthetics and wheelchair barbies are made way more often. and all this is fantastic. but unfortunately the blonde blue eyed millie sculpts still haunt most non-fashionista releases.... stereotypical barbie u dont know what u are.... its a shame they didnt reference the millie sculpt in the movie i woulda died LOL

but i always thought it was pretty wack that they made all these cool dolls and then relegated them to wear t shirt dresses for eternity. i like that the budget line is so diverse and i dont even mind the lack of articulation that much (although i do miss basic 9 point articulation where are my elbows and knees) but GOD those outfits. can be ROUGH. and WHY do they never put like half of the diverse dolls in other playsets WHY cant basketball barbie be bald WHEN will i get that prosthetic leg barbie as a fairy like youve put all this effort into all this diversity and then ur doing NOTHING with it mattel im begging u. im begging u. make a fantasy wheelchair barbie i know you can do it. i know you can do it

im not even talking about the movie anymore sorry im just complaining about barbie dolls even tho im not a huge barbie collector JFKDHJRKF i was just picky about toys as a child and i want kids nowadays to get cool dolls too. i think a kid deserves a nice thing to play with that looks like them or like their family or other people around them that also allows to imaginative play you know

okay. okay in the context of the movie its fine and makes sense but lemme tell u. being so deep in the current state of mattel hearing america ferrera's character suggest "ordinary barbie" made me fucking jump out of my seat and point at my laptop screen i almost said outloud "YOUUU" jgekfjfd it was her.... she did this.... jk jk its a sweet message in the movie but just so u know in mattel's mind "ordinary barbie" translates to overpriced cheaply made sack dress barbie. orz

wait back on topic back on topic its a nice movie, im glad it resonates with a lot of people. the plot was a little strange but i dont mind, the sets and outfits and everything was so good anyway, i loved that big huge chunky necklace as a touch, its some fashion brand symbol i dont remember sowwy but i like how huge it is LOL also the music was pretty great, i liked the needle drops and the music composed for the movie was fun too, what was i made for is fantastic but i knew that already its been a hit for a while now and i heard a vocal synth cover of it that sounded nice so i was already on board HJKDHJKFDS sometimes the. racial aspect of the movie was. jarring? they really only mention race like thrice (one of those times being the aforementioned awful smallpox joke) which. you know sometimes i get a little annoyed with a lot of contemporary movies and shows bringing up race just for little quips and jokes here and there while completely ignoring anything substantial about the topic, i know this is a tween movie with a two hour run time and they wanted to focus but i dunno man. it always feels like they're making a joke about elephants while the ignoring the elephant in the room staring u down. but whatever. i'll just lock someone into an unskippable cutscene conversation about history in regards to race and dolls irl later LOL cute movie tho. i like when movies have cool sets and outfits

NOW to the second half of that very odd double feature i gave myself last night UFO ABDUCTION its basically considered the first found footage horror movie, as a tv movie from 1989, and lemme tell u IT IS hard to watch LOL not because its like scary but like. because its a little bit bad <3 but its okay i dont mind, the main character behind the camera got pretty insufferable near the end (would not shut up and made it hard to hear the other actors orz) but it was only an hour and had like no budget - plus i love seeing where so much of the genre came from. im glad to know people screaming at the main character to shut that damn camera off has been here since the very beginning. i also loved the stupid alien costumes its such a shame theyre only in there for like 3 scenes they were the best part: genuinely kind of creepy at the first sight at the ufo landing because theyre so far away and low quality, and also really silly and goofy when they walk right up to the camera <3 <3 <3

i truly madly deeply genuinely without a shred of irony adore found footage so im always happy to see more! even when its bad :) i like it when cameras shake and people scream OH MY GOD WHAT IS THAT

[elimgarakdemocrat]

"""

Hello, this is Weizhu Sh'roeder, and this is Newslog, Stardate 74040 [January 15 2379]. Today's stories:

- The Bell City Voles win the Universal Cup in racketball for the first time in 4 decades

- 3 break ins logged on Andor in the last calendar year: sign of an impending crime wave?

- Save the Targs scores major victory as the Klingon high council bans dishonorable Targ hunts

But first, our lead story, out of Bajor.

The Bajoran National Heritage Society has announced the discovery of a Classical Bajoran settlement on Cardassia IV. Fe Ch'ati, director of the Society, had this to say: "Vedekic tradition has long held that Classical Bajorans were not only explorers but settlers. Now, we have secular proof. Independent reviewers from the Daystrom Institute have confirmed via both analysis of records recovered from the site and isotopic analysis that the settlement lasted 58 years and predates any Cardassian presence on the world."

For analysis of the legal and political ramifications, let's go to our legal analyst, Dr Corey. Corey, what do you make of this?

Well Weizhu, this is probably the most impactful archaeological find in history. The Treaty of Coachella signed 8 months ago explicitly states that any planet with at least 50 years of pre Cardassian occupation is deemed a Settler Colonized Planet and must be returned to the Indigenous Occupants, in this case the Bajorans.

But surely there's no way this actually is enforced right? The current population of Cardassia IV is 1.2 billion people, with an estimated 500 million expelled Cardassian settlers to be resettled there.

Unfortunately for them, it does appear the Bajoran Ministry of Alien Affairs, headed by the notoriously nationalist Vedek Larani, has officially lodged a claim under the treaty. I have no doubt that Detapa will appeal but the 8 Inyo appointees on the SCOF are all fairly strict textualists, so I think they're looking at a 8-7 ruling at best, probably 10-4-1 in practice.

What does the Federation council have to say about all this? Where is Inyo?

Inyo has responded with a short statement praying for peace. Probably not going to help him on the "General Usefulness" approval category he's been struggling in, though frankly I think that might be baked in at this point.

And the Council? Surely the Coalition for Stability has something to say about this?

Coalition members Luxwana Troi (Liberal-Betazed) and Sation (Kirsharist-Vulcan) have put out a statement announcing a bill officially withdraw from the Treaty of Coachella, but this is expected to fail. A treaty withdrawal would require 75% to pass, and you can expect the Opposition to whip against due to the central role of the maquish parties. The leader of the opposition, Ralph Emerson (Free Peoples-Cuellar) has released a statement mocking what he sees as misplaced concern for Cardassia and vowing to uphold "full Coachella."

What does the new provisional government on Cardassia have to say?

Well, Exarch Garak is understandabry furious, calling this an attempt to kneecap attempts at Cardassian reconstructdon. Unfortunately, as the Exarchate is directly under Federation and Bajoran joint control, there's not much that can be done.

Well, I think that's about time! Thanks for joining us, Corey!

Thanks, Weizhu! Hope next time we meet under better circumstances.

Now onto lighter news, in a stunning 6-3 victory, the Bell City...

"""

This is part of a series I'm calling Exarchates, about the politics of Bajor and Cardassia post DS9. The text in italics here represents words spoken by Corey. Bracketed text is out of universe