#i think it's because my brain has latched onto that video game.

[parme-san]

on a good day streak of 3

[parachutingkitten]

Jay = High Intelligence, Low Wisdom

Kai = Low Intelligence, High Wisdom

Essay about this concept below the cut

Now these are all just my interpretations of the characters, I don't necessarily have hard evidence on hand to back all this up, but here we go:

I've been trying to put my finger on the Kai smart/dumb duality, and I think I can finally somewhat make out my thoughts. Kai is not smart. Book smarts don't come easily to him, he's not great at math, he's not great at overly complex stratagizing- but he's got a LOT of great knowledge in him.

Take the dragon healing in DR. He might not intuitively know how different medicines work or why, but he's got injured enough that he knows that type of information is important to know, and so he's forced it into his head. He couldn't tell you why the blue goop helpped the dragon, but he knew that it would, and that it would be important to remember that it would.

He's pretty good at navigating complex social situations, because he's good at reading people. Having had a history with extreme emotions, he knows how to take them into account, and knows how important it is to do so, even if it's not necessarily logical. I hate to say this, but he's very emotionally intelligent, which sounds kinda like an insult but is actually insanely valuable, because humans are inherently emotional creatures.

He's got a solid basis of common sense, and is constantly looking at the bigger picture. That's why he can come up with the best outline for a plan, because he can not think through the details. Now, if he tries to implement a plan of his without consulting others, he's probably going to miss some very important details, and screw himself over. But, he's most likely to have the best basic premise for an effective plan. This is why his intuition is usually correct. He's not logically thinking through the most likely scenario given all available factors, he's looking at every problem from the birds eye view, and is easily able to fill in the blanks, because he sees the whole picture. You can not tell me this kid knew Lloyd was the Green Ninja because he used logical deduction to eliminate all other possibilities, he had a gut feeling based on realizing the value of human life.

Now, sometimes you need details. And Kai is not good at those. He sucks at those. Big time. But he's self aware enough to know when those times are (most of the time, sometimes he wastes all his lives in a video game before talking to anyone else).

The thing all of these points have in common is that he's lived a very full life while making very many mistakes, and he's learned from all of them. He learns from his dumb mistakes, and is wise enough to know which lessons are worth holding on to.

Jay on the other hand... does not learn from his mistakes. He's got a real thick skull.

Inside that skull is a really smart guy who intuitively latches on to engineering and science concepts. He's got a whole heck of a lot of information that his brain is holding onto simply because it can. This man is all about the details. He gets hyperfixated on details to the point where it's a problem. He's the most likely to solve the intricate problem facing the team, forget that they need to stay hidden, and yell "I did it!". Good at details, bad at big picture. This is also why he usually gives up hope so easily compared to the rest of the team. He can not think long term, he can not see the bigger picture like Kai can, so road blocks in the current plan seem insurmountable.

Sure, he might have rigged an old sailing ship with rocket boosters, but he couldn't unscramble "darnagom" his logical problem solving skills are not what's carrying him.

My standby for the Jay dumb/smart duality is that he should have a significant amount of William Osman energy to him. He's very smart, and can work out how to solve intricate problems and make insane builds, but if making said things is a dangerous or dumb idea has never once crossed his mind, and if it has, he has actively chosen to ignore it. Jay's intelligence is much more creativity based than I think a lot of people like to think. Engineering is about slapping crazy ideas together which barely hold together at first- and that's Jay's brand of smarts.

If you compare this to Zane, that's the vital component that his intelligence is missing- the creativity. He is VERY good at assessing options, but not so great at coming up with new solutions himself. He's running on pure logic and tested successes. He's also missing that social intelligence that Kai has. I'd venture to say that Zane is, by far the most gullible member of the team. If there is not a solid logical reason to doubt something, he is absolutely going to take it at face value. Point being, all the ninja have different smarts, and stupidities, let's not try to conflate them too much.

[the-music-maniac]

How fucked up would it be if Sefikura got Hanahaki? Either one of them. That ship is already toxic AF (affectionate) but imagine the HAVOC.

I'm gonna ramble a bit so I can get the brain worms out but feel free to correct me on any plot points, or character interpretations: I've absorbed all this shit from watching walkthroughs (cause I'm broke and video games are expensy) and I haven't finished watching yet. I'm also playing it fast and loose with when this occurs in canon - I have no idea tbh. My interpretations are probably influenced by fandom already cause I've been reading posts and fanfics, and I am aware that this is SO self indulgent, so again. Biased viewpoint here.

Also since I'm aware that sefikura is a controversial ship even with the ship's popularity and age, if you don't like it, that's fine, just block me or scroll on.

I can see the story being more interesting if Seph is the one to get the disease. Mostly because, while I understand his obsession with Cloud is quite complex and not really there bc of romantic reasons (Cloud has S-cells, Seph kinda just views Cloud as his to control I assume, plus Cloud is useful to him, and the fact that Sephiroth has a god complex a mile wide and Cloud was somehow able to beat him as a mere trooper, etc. etc.) I do think for an individual like Sephiroth, that level of obsession is likely the closest he's going to get to love, or at least a blurring of the lines between love and hate. I don't think he really feels that emotion much anymore, especially not after the first time he died, but whatever he DOES feel for Cloud could be strong enough and close enough in shape for something like Hanahaki to latch onto.

Sephiroth's course of action in response would be interesting to see. Hanahaki weakens the individual, which is something Seph is probably not gonna stand for, even if he has enough hubris that he doesn't think he'll die from it. Maybe similar to the degeneration Genesis was experiencing? There's a thought. I honestly think Sephiroth would find it more intolerable if he reaches a stalemate with the disease, not enough to kill him, but enough to weaken him to the point where it hurts his pride and gets in the way of his plans. That seems like it would grate on him more than the threat of death, which doesn't stick anyways.

Sephiroth's go-to in that situation (upon exhausting other avenues - the first and easiest being, y'know. Murder) would probably be to try the puppet route - force Cloud into feeling that reciprocating emotion. Which like. It doesn't work like that Sephy. And here's where it could get really dark if you were so inclined to write it that way, but I'm not in the mood for that right now so I'm gonna say this - that course of action would bring up a lot of PTSD for Cloud obviously, but a perplexing point would be if Sephiroth just y'know. Succeeded in controlling and forcing that emotion for a bit and then upon realizing Hanahaki doesn't work like that - immediately releases his control. Cloud is left there, sound of mind again and fucked up in the mental health but ultimately unharmed and very confused.

Second course of action, good old fashioned manipulation. Here is where it would probably get convoluted though, while I don't think Sephiroth would go down the full on cracky shit of trying to woo Cloud or anything like that (keep in mind up until now, I don't think the nature of Sephiroth's emotions for Cloud are necessarily romantic, so that's not where the Hanahaki is stemming from, or at least not at the beginning - since we are talking about Sefikura and I do like the romance even if I acknowledge it's a little out there in terms of canon. I'm aware he says some provocative shit, but I think that's to get a reaction - it's taunting more than flirting. So, I don't think it would necessarily occur to Sephiroth to do anything romantic here), I do think Sephiroth would be forced to do shit that's actually helpful. His world domination plans are at a standstill cause he's too weak to enact them, and he's trying to get some sort of reciprocation that's enough for the disease to be satisfied, so even if he doesn't give a shit and thinks it's stupid and a waste of time, he studies Cloud and his friends and their movements and acts accordingly to help. Probably in the most violent way possible, granted. Sending Cloud into more confusion.

What I do find interesting is if Cloud finds out what's happening. Fear in response to learning about possibly romantic feelings on Sephiroth's end is probably unavoidable with how fucked up their in game relations are (Sephiroth's attentions are not exactly kind), but once Cloud realizes the nature of those emotions are not romantic (and therefore not r*pey - while I do have a vested interest in avoiding that, I also don't think it's in character for Seph. He always struck me as someone who either didn't have interest in intercourse for its own sake or just never felt safe enough to try when he was still sane) ironically? I can see Cloud eventually feeling guilty. Because his first reaction would obviously be relief or even happiness at the fact that this is weakening Sephiroth and may potentially lead to his death, and I do believe that would be genuine relief. At the beginning there is no guilt. Just fury at the audacity and a vindictive type of happiness. And then the guilt stems from the insidiousness of a disease like this, as Sephiroth keeps being helpful, and seeing the reality of an individual who no longer acts untouchable like a God, suffering. Not beating the enemy by any honest means but by the simple fact that Cloud despises Sephiroth, and something is responding to that and doing the dirty work for him. And then, feeling guilty about feeling guilty bc he should be happy about keeping Seph contained and unable to hurt others by any means necessary, but he's not. He seems like the type of hero to spiral like that.

And then of course, as time progresses on, the hatred lessening the longer Sephiroth isn't doing any heinous shit, the worry of no longer being able to hold onto enough of that hatred to keep Sephiroth contained, because Cloud isn't stupid, he KNOWS Sephiroth isn't doing this out of anything genuine, but it's still working because humans are humans who have sympathy for those who look like they're suffering and memories that fade and get overwritten with time and new information. And so Cloud knows the second he lets go of that hatred, Sephiroth will go back to killing, but in the same breath he can't help feeling sympathetic. Knowing the manipulation and still falling for it despite yourself is probably uniquely infuriating and seems like the mindfuckery Sephiroth would enjoy.

Here's the kicker though, Cloud's response to that "not-hatred anymore, but not nearly indifferent enough to be neutral" emotion would probably be paired with him treating Sephiroth better than he was treated by any of the Shinra personnel, barring of course Angeal, Genesis and Zack, without even realizing it. Like Sephiroth was dehumanized for so long, both as a weapon to be used and feared and as a public figure to be idolized and adored - none of that was his own to control - so Cloud extending basic courtesies and concern is going to feel different. Maybe it reminds him of Angeal and Genesis, I dunno. It wouldn't be out of the left field, the disease probably already reminds him of the degeneration. So now he's reminded that he was capable of loving people, once. We don't got time to unpack Sephiroth's mile long list of issues in this post but let's say it actually makes Seph come to a couple epiphanies. If Sephiroth's feelings eventually shift to romantic love while Cloud's feelings are shifting to that not-hatred, not-quite-romantic-yet, but not-indifferent, Sephiroth is y'know. Still gonna be stuck with the disease cause it's not technically reciprocation. That would be hilarious wouldn't it. So let's say that happens and Sephy is confused and Cloudy is also confused at the fact that he's beginning to feel charitable towards Sephiroth but he's still not getting better.

On the contrary, I think he would get worse. Because NOW what the Hanahaki is latching onto is real and genuine love. Yeah, that previous weakening wasn't even the disease at full strength, have fun with that.

I can see Sephiroth getting frustrated at this point cause he doesn't seem well adjusted enough to notice his own feelings shifting and put two and two together, so upon realizing that Cloud feels some level of reciprocation and the disease is getting worse, he probably would just. Leave. And at this point in the story I think what would disturb Cloud the most is if he sees Sephiroth give up entirely. Because consistently, the man has never done that before. Sephiroth has never in all the crazy shit that he's done - given up.

Keep in mind, it's only really possible at this point cause Sephiroth has been feeling like absolute dogshit the entire time. Chronic pain wears on you, and for someone who has been inhumanly healthy and then the equivalent of a God, that constant exhaustion and weakness, the choking on your breaths and pain in your chest, and then being so sure of a solution and having hope, only for it to not work and to even get worse - also Seph doesn't have good coping mechanisms clearly - he gives up. And I think this is the push Cloud might need for his own feelings to shift.

And how fucked up would it be if the hanahaki flowers were sent by Aerith though. I don't think she would do that maliciously, but as a way to test if there's any hope for Sephiroth. She maybe didn't necessarily know it would manifest for Cloud, but just some type of reaction. A way to keep her loved ones safe from him? Weakening but not killing him because Sephiroth pollutes the lifestream if he enters it, and he also won't stay dead and everyone keeps suffering because of it and - basically they're at a stalemate. If there is no hope for Seph, then the flowers would do nothing. If there is, then the flowers may be a chance to change things. Imagine that. Whether or not it's in character for Aerith is up for debate but it would be quite interesting.

So Cloud talking to Aerith and learning that? Learning that things aren't as hopeless for Sephiroth as he had assumed? Another point that may cause Cloud's viewpoint to change. It's hard to deny the authenticity of someone's humanity when it's literally killing them.

And since my entire reason for liking Sefikura is partially because Sephiroth's backstory upsets me (most of it's because it's just an interesting dynamic, but the fact that Seph was made to be a weapon, abused throughout his entire life with little to no bodily autonomy nor freedom, thought he had been betrayed by two of the only people he loved, and then manipulated until he went insane, and is now never going to be free of Jenova or his anger and hatred because he gave into his worst demons - that makes me sad. So, admittedly I got into sefikura because of time travel fix-its where Cloud goes back and tries to fix things - which often includes people gradually realizing just how much abuse Sephiroth had suffered, and all the factors that were pushing Seph until he snapped. I mean granted, that doesn't excuse the awful shit he did by any means, but the odds were by every definition, against him from the beginning. The romance was just a large bonus of those fix-its) I'm going to give them a happy ending. Cloud stays there and tries to get Sephiroth back to how he was, and in the process with the amount of time they spend together, and the worry he's been feeling at how Sephiroth is deteriorating, helps push the feelings that are there into fruition. The Hanahaki clears, and Cloud expects to need to fight Sephiroth, expects that he would have to kill him. Sephiroth doesn't - not because he now values humanity or anything because I don't think any amount of redemption is enough for Sephiroth to reach that point, at least not that quickly, that shit would be a lifelong battle - but because he knows Cloud, and he knows he would kill him if he went back to how he was. If it really came down to it, to save the world, Cloud wouldn't hesitate. And once he crosses that line after they've had this dynamic, that's the last betrayal and there would be no going back, no returning. That would be the end, permanently. And he actually wants to stay by Cloud's side. There could be a moment where Sephiroth contemplates it, but in the end his better demons win out, if you wanna add more drama.

I have also thought about what it would be like if Cloud had Hanahaki and it would also be interesting, although the disease type wouldn't quite be the same as for Sephiroth, because Cloud does genuinely hate Seph. So, it would probably be more fucked up - if Sephiroth succeeded in keeping Cloud as a puppet, and that results in a manifestation of Hanahaki because of that forced devotion, since Sephiroth is only using Cloud as a tool. And it ironically weakens Cloud enough that he's no longer useful as a puppet and Sephiroth has to let go. Rinse repeat. Or if Sephiroth is somehow able to use his cells to induce a similar disease in Cloud. That'd be pretty damn fucked up, huh. Compels me though.

Anyways, I dunno if I'll ever use any of these ideas for anything, but it was still interesting to think about. Thank you for reading!

[hotmessmaxpress]

Mate pleaseeee dont stop writing ever about marc and marco like they areee sososo ughh idk!!!! like it just works so good yk

so thats why i say pretty please with a cherry onntop to give me another snippet of them interacting in anyway🤞🙏

Here is my Bezz x Marc friendship thesis! Which is maybe not what you're looking for but I don't have the brainpower to write an entire scene. I did have the brainpower to dump all of my thoughts about them though!

Okay so in this au there are two main things that I think change Bezz’s view of Marc from enemy to bestie. One is that Bezz has a meltdown about the whole thing and Vale puts him in his place. (I wrote more of this that I might post when I like it!)

The more compelling part to me that I sort of glossed over in the first part of this au is that Bezz has a moment of realization that he and Marc are both omegas. As Marc has noticed, Bezz really doesn’t think too hard about his role as the pack omega. He just is. When Luca first tells Bezz about Marc’s bite and just how badly Vale fucked it up, it sends Bezz into a bit of a crisis that takes him a long time to really confront head on. He sort of just shoves it aside until he has had time to adjust to Marc being in the pack.

Bezz then realizes that no matter what happens, he will always understand Marc better than any other member of the pack because they share the unique experience of being an omega and everything that comes with that. While Bezz’s pack don’t treat him really any differently (at least not in a bad way– if anything they spoil him) than they would if he was an alpha, that doesn’t change the fact that they could. They could take advantage of him, especially during his heats. They could treat him like he’s lesser-than. And none of that ever really occurred to him until he found out about what happened to Marc. And at first, that scared him. The idea that his pack would ever do that to him was terrifying. Pretty quickly, though, he realized that they wouldn’t actually ever do that. Still, that knowledge remained. He and Marc are the only two people in their pack that have to cope with everything that comes with being an omega.

So when it comes to welcoming Marc to the pack (even though it takes Bezz the longest of any of the other pack members) once Bezz decides to love him he loves him. Marc is already a pro at codependent relationships (lol love you Alex) and he and Bezz pretty much latch onto each other.

Marc is who Bezz goes to when he doesn’t feel well. He goes to Marc when he’s tired. He goes to Marc when he needs attention. And on the flip side, Marc goes to Bezz as well. When he needs someone to help him be calm and clear his thoughts, he goes to Bezz.

Marc loves Vale’s room, and he loves that it becomes their room together (he even loves that Vale has a bike in there, a fact which has changed my brain chemistry). He loves the way that Vale has his little pack who all love him and listen to him and look to him for advice. But sometimes he still isn’t sure where he fits into that– he’s closer in age to most of the pack members than he is to Vale, and he really doesn’t feel comfortable giving them unsolicited advice in the way Vale does. He goes to Bezz for reassurance, and he finds himself in Bezz’s room often. There’s something comforting about having a room to go to that doesn’t smell like alpha. Bezz is always happy to have him, too. He lets Marc join him in whatever he’s doing, even if it means Marc silently pressing up against him in bed while Bezz plays video games. Bezz doesn’t even question it. Marc is always allowed in his nests or in his arms.

Maybe they’ve just had a long day of training at the ranch, and Marc’s nerves are frayed because training at the ranch always brings up weird emotions about his first breakup with Vale. And Marc could go to Vale but he doesn’t really want to talk about it and he knows that if he goes to Vale, his mate is going to get all sad-eyed and feel guilty and Marc doesn’t want that! So instead he showers and goes to Bezz’s room, where it smells comfortingly of omega and safety and calm. And Bezz has just showered and his hair is sort of fluffy the way it gets when he allows it to air dry.

Maybe Bezz is even expecting it because he knows Marc gets weird about training at the ranch sometimes (maybe this is even their routine!). So he’s ready and is happy to let Marc curl up next to him in bed. Marc is wearing a sweatshirt that belongs to Vale and he just watches, silently, as Bezz plays video games. He doesn’t join in because he’s tired and emotionally wiped out, but he keeps his chin planted firmly on Bezz’s shoulder. He feels Bezz tense every time he struggles with a battle and feels him relax when he wins. There’s no pressure to talk or explain himself or entertain the other man. They sit in comfortable silence, cuddled together.

Vale comes to check on him usually, and bring them snacks, sometimes, but Marc always stays with the other omega until he feels okay again.

[justali-anne]

Thought Week: Sans

Of course Sans was in the top 3. He's been the face of Undertale for too long for him not to be, heh. Anyway, I can't wait to unleash my true thoughts and feelings about this sad, pathetic little man.

(Once again, if you have any thoughts on Sans, I highly encourage you to share them in the notes! Without further ado, here we go!)

First Impressions

I first encountered Sans, not as a meme or anything, but in Minecraft animated music videos, the same as Papyrus. I have heard of Sans before that, obviously, but Down To The Bone, Way Deeper Down, and Judgement are the songs that actually introduced him as a character to me. Although now, to this day, I cannot watch the final minute of Judgement because its ending was way too sad for me to handle.

On first watch, Sans was... kinda creepy. He just came across as this guy who acted friendly but if it weren't for a certain promise that I didn't know about at the time, he would've killed you. He genuinely looked like he ACTUALLY wanted to kill you. And that freaked me out. That's probably the reason why I latched onto Papyrus first, actually. I thought Sans was kinda cool, but a little too creepy for my taste. Until I got to see the actual content from the game... And TV Tropes' Woobie page, actually. I think it was learning about Sans' predicament that kickstarted my intense hyperfixation on him. I've always loved characters who broke the fourth wall, and Sans fascinated me because I didn't really consider the consequences of knowing you're living in a video game world, and what impact that would have on your psyche. Now, my brain still has a grip on this pathetic little guy, and it won't let go, no matter what I try, so I guess he's here to stay!

My Impressions Now

Okay, I said I'd give my honest opinion, so here we go. (Sharp inhale)

...

He gives me cuteness aggression.

Like GENUINELY. I actually find him cute!

Not in a romantic way, of course (aroace check!) but he's more like... a silly kitten you just watch and occasionally laugh at because his antics are just so goofy and hilarious.

I think I've just grown numb to his creepy moments, honestly. For example...

YOU THINK YOU CAN SCARE ME WITH THIS CRAP? YOU, A FOUR FOOT TALL LITTLE GOOBER IN A BLUE HOODIE, YOU THINK YOU CAN SCARE ME? I WILL SQUISH YOU SO HARD YOUR HEAD WILL POP OFF YOU LITTLE-

How can a guy be so silly and so tragic at the same time? How can he be so pathetic and yet so badass, like PICK A LANE, SANS!

This little guy will ask himself if spiders have legs and then beat your ass moments later.

And in the murder route...

Are you seriously saying I have to murder that little face? Uh, how about NO?! I already had a hard enough time mustering up the willpower to kill Papyrus, I'm SPENT!

I'm resetting, screw it.

Anyway, that's enough ranting. Now onto the calmer thoughts.

Sans shares the top spot with Papyrus as my favourite character. And I know that might sound basic at first, but actually... I don't think it's that basic anymore. I think the fandom has largely moved on from him now, save for the thousands of AUs revolving around him. Even then, I consider those AU variants separate fan characters more than anything else. Sure, Sans is still popular, but I'm glad that people are focusing more on the other characters now... So I can hyperfixate on him all I want tee hee hee hee!

My favourite part about Sans is that when it comes down to it, he's basically a kindhearted goofball with a dark side. And kindhearted goofballs are my favourite type of characters. I like to call them "friend-shaped". I love his inner conflicts and how subtle they are. I love how he cares for the people around him despite giving up on basically everything else. I love that he's basically a little dork hiding under a calm, cool charisma.

Ah, apologies. He's a little bonehead under his charisma. (But yes, I love that he is a self-proclaimed dork, he's owning it. Good for you, Sans!)

The thing about him that appeals to me the most is both his good heart and his mysterious nature. Because, like I said in the Papyrus one, it gives him more flexibility. More room for creativity and taking liberties when it comes to his backstory. He gave us some bits and pieces, but I like that it's up to us to fill in the gaps a bit.

To be honest, I hope his backstory never gets revealed, so that fans can keep coming up with various interpretations of his backstory for us to explore. To look at them and think, "Ah, yes, this makes sense!" or "Aww, poor baby!" or, "Oh, that's... wow." Things that really keep the fandom going, you know? I just feel like revealing everything in canon would take part of the fun out of him as a character. Besides, he's SUPPOSED to be mysterious! It's a huge aspect of Sans! Taking that away would just be... be... BLASPHEMY!

As for his dark side, well, I can't fault him for that. Little man probably has a lot of suppressed rage under that big grin of his, and I don't blame him for it. He is a very tragic character, but I'll get to that in a different section. The thing is, I actually have a hard time being mad at him, even when he actually does display his faults, which is fair, really. He's not the perfect model of a Tumblr Sexyman, but he was never intended to be. (Perhaps that's why he won a couple of years ago...)

I just really prefer focusing on his good side. He's a genuinely good person. Not perfect, but he's good.

Canon VS Fanon (and why I like both)

(Credit to the original artist)

And it's not just his eye. But yes, I like both canon AND old-fanon Sans. (Apart from the sexual stuff, I find that a little icky for my taste, but I won't judge... unless it involves the more problematic ships [you know the ones].)

Canon Sans is a gem. He's mostly humerus (though he has his moments) and a fun character to have onscreen overall. When I play Undertale, and I see him standing around, waiting for me to interact with him, I smile. Because he's friendship material, but the "ooh, maybe you shouldn't underestimate him if you know what's good for you" kind. I mean, come on!

Imagine going on a long journey through Hotland, and then all of a sudden, you see a familiar friendly face selling hotdogs. And then he stacks them on your head if your inventory is full, because he's awesome like that! Little man pulls off harmless pranks (key word: HARMLESS, because obviously, Sans knows what a good prank is) like painting the telescope and loosening the ketchup lid. Sometimes I like to think messing with people is just his love language lol. Sans doesn't want a lot, he just wants to enjoy his life. He's a troll, but he's still a nice person overall. He's a bro.

But he has a backbone. He knows how to call it quits. The poor guy learned that from hard-borne experience (cough cough the machine in the workshop ahem). Funnily enough, he doesn't HIDE his emotions, but he definitely shows a lot of restraint. He knows when it's appropriate to express his anger. For example, in the Undyne ending where you kill Toriel, if Papyrus is alive, he'll show restraint. But if Papyrus is dead, Sans will make it clear to you how angry he is. And it's a cold kind of anger too. He doesn't hide it, but he's definitely restrained. He's really good at handling his emotions, actually. Has anyone noticed that? I think the only times he truly lost control of his emotions is during the Lost Soul segment (he was brainwashed) and his fit of rage during the end of his boss fight (and even then, it didn't last for more than a few seconds).

And he still has a tragic undertone to his character, but unlike fanon, Sans' grievances (and possible depression) are only really implied in the mercy route and outright stated in the murder route. And when he does reveal his awareness of the time loops, it's either in a more positive light (with the passwords - if your friend is an anomaly that can reset time, why not use that power to prank them?) or with a tired sorrow (think of the neutral judgement where he asks you if you think you should do the right thing with your power, and how he outright states his awareness during his boss fight - Sans is upset, but he's not bawling or anything, he's just sick and tired).

As for Fanon Sans, I'll be talking about the early fanon of around 2015-16-17. I like that as well because back then, it was people having fun with the character and pushing him to his limits. And yeah, it can be out of character sometimes, but when has any fandom ever kept their characters in character, especially where shipping is involved? I'll be focusing more on the "Woobie" fanon Sans because I don't want to touch the "Sexy" side of it. And besides, I actually do like the "Woobie" side.

In a lot of fanfictions I read where Sans was suffering from stuff like depression and PTSD, I've noticed that a lot of it was the writer venting their feelings through a character they really like. And I think that's great! Well, not the fact that they have mental health struggles, but writing to make a character more relatable to you is fine in my opinion. I've been guilty of that when it comes to my autism, so who am I to judge?

Sans' awareness of timelines and resets spawned a lot of what-ifs in the fandom. "What if Sans remembered resets?" "What if he got PTSD from those resets?" "What if he had nightmares?" "What if he tried taking matters into his own hands?" How many AUs spawned from this concept alone? AUs that thousands of fans still enjoy to this day. And don't get me started on Gaster! "What is Sans' relation to Gaster?" "Are they even related at all?" "Was he around when Gaster kicked the bucket?" That sort of thing. How many AUs involve Gaster being a significant part of Sans' life, for better or worse? Isn't it fun to explore? Fun to read? Fun to write?

It's cathartic to see an otherwise composed character break down in tears, isn't it? How many comics of Sans depict just that? Who knows? Maybe he actually does need that release. What would it take for Sans to actually cry? If he really does have depression, wouldn't it be nice to have him finally let out all his sadness and frustration? So he can get better? Can he get better?

Not to mention, Sans is one of the most mysterious characters in the game. It's only natural for a character as popular as him to be speculated about by the fanbase. And that's why I enjoy seeing fanon portrayals of him.

Still, I tend to keep Canon Sans and Fanon Sans separated. I don't let the fanon affect my view of the canon that much. Heck, I created a whole AU so I wouldn't let my story affect how I see canon. Because I love canon as it is, but I love exploring fanon too.

The Narrative

Story-wise, Sans is one of your most consistent allies because he made a promise to Toriel. And he judges you for your EXP and LOVE. He teaches you a lot of things, like how blue attacks work and how the aforementioned EXP and LOVE work. And that's good and dandy. Sans isn't exactly important in the main storyline, but he's got his own thing going on.

Now, meta wise? I'd say Sans is extremely important there. He is a very tragic character when you really get to know him. He deconstructs the "Meta Guy" character type in more ways than one. For example, if he knows how the mechanics of the game work, then why not use that to his advantage? The reason why his boss fight is so hard is because he exploits the game mechanics and uses it against you. You know the drill. Taking the first turn, placing bones in the menu, dodging, the works. Hey, if you could dodge, why can't he? He knows that he's weak without using cheats. So he cheats. His goal isn't to have a fair fight, his goal is literally stopping you from destroying the world. Sans is actually a really creative person, when you think about it. Who else uses bullets in the MENU? (Other than Asgore, maybe, but he just used his trident to destroy the MERCY button. Hey, why can't Sans just destroy the FIGHT button?!)

Another way his self-awareness is deconstructed is the impact the resets have on his psyche. Imagine knowing that your world operates like a video game and someone has the ability to reset time at their very whim. However, when that person resets, everyone else (apart from the ones who had that ability) forgets almost everything. All that's left is deja vu. I think Sans does have some semblance of deja vu too, but either his is weaker or he's just really good at hiding it. Still, though, in an otherwise chill life, that would be a huge weight to carry on your shoulders. Sans isn't the only one who knows about the resets. Flowey and Asgore (and possibly Alphys and Papyrus) know too. But Sans is the only one besides Flowey who explicitly states that, "yeah, i know what's going on here. i know you have this power. and i may or may not be dying inside because of it, can you stop?" Sans is just a guy who's trying his best in a video game world, but he's tired. And he won't stop being tired unless you give him what he wants. And that is a happy ending with friendship and laughter and good food. Because he's a simple skeleton at the end of the day. It doesn't take a lot to make him happy.

Conclusion

Sans is my absolute favourite character in the game besides Papyrus. I think he's an adorable character and I'm sick of pretending he's not. He's just really friend-shaped to me, I don't know how to explain it. I just wish he was real so I can hug him. Speaking of hugging...

If not friend, why friend-shaped?

WORTH IT!

[thankskenpenders]

Sonic Prime!

The first eight episodes of Sonic Prime are out! I've been busy for obvious reasons this past week (I kinda released a video game), but I've now seen all eight episodes, and as such can give more structured thoughts on them.

Overall: pretty good! I like it! ...But it's not 100% there yet for me. In the spirit of Festivus, I'm here to air my grievances.

Let's start with one of the highest points. First and foremost, this show looks great. We FINALLY have a Sonic cartoon that actually looks like the games with no asterisks attached, even across multiple wildly different AUs. And everything from small acting choices to big, bombastic fight scenes is a joy to watch in motion thanks to the fluid, expressive, fast-paced movement, with characters pleasantly squashing and stretching in fun ways. It's so fun literally to just watch Sonic's face move in dialogue scenes. God, I wish the cutscenes in Frontiers had animation this good. I get why they don't, but still.

And those action sequences! Man, some of these are the most fun fight scenes in any Sonic cartoon ever, period. Lots of great shot choices, a good mix of recognizable moves from the games combined with new ones and improvisations, I could go on and on. The shot of Sonic leaping backwards down that long stairwell, only for the camera to pan around beneath him and show his friends following suit? There's a reason why they put that in the trailer. It rules. This isn't the greatest action series ever - it still has your typical kids' action cartoon problem where the stakes rarely feel adequately high and you can turn your brain off during fight scenes - but it's fun to look at in a way that previous Sonic cartoons haven't always been.

Really, with how strong the presentation is, it's the writing that tends to let the show down in this first batch of episodes. The writing isn't even bad - there's some really cool stuff to latch onto, and I'm optimistic about them leaning more into what's interesting as the plot continues to develop. It's just... well, it's a Man of Action cartoon.

I'm going to nitpick a lot here, so I want it to be perfectly clear that I like Sonic Prime. I think it's a solid cartoon, and firmly on the high end of the Sonic cartoon spectrum. There's a lot that I'm into, and if someone told me it was their new favorite Sonic cartoon, I could absolutely see why. It mainly just has three things working against it:

It can't decide whether or not it actually wants to be wholeheartedly faithful to the games.

It was very clearly written to be a weekly TV show and not a Netflix show dumped in large batches.

The bar has been VERY high for Sonic content this year across every other medium.

Faithfulness to the games

As has been touted in interviews, Sonic Prime is actually canon to the games, and in many ways it's slavishly faithful to them. Which only makes it weirder when it isn't.

The thing that'll immediately stand out is the new voice cast they had to get because Canadian production laws blah blah blah. Now, they're all good here, particularly Deven Mack as Sonic. His take definitely sounds similar to previous takes on Sonic, but I think he manages to find a nice middle point between the youthful enthusiasm of movie Sonic and the more experienced heroics of game/IDW Sonic. He's great. And not to knock Cindy's performances, but I think Shannon Chan-Kent's voice might actually fit Amy just a liiiiittle better here. But the problem is it gets harder to view this as the regular game cast and alternate timeline versions of them when everyone always sounds a little off. Knuckles in particular is really weird because his AU counterparts have a completely different voice actor, and neither particularly sounds like his current voice in the games. I have no idea why.

For another example, Green Hill is used as a setting in a cartoon for the first time ever, and it looks exactly how you remember it. Cool! But it's also framed as the place where Sonic and all of his friends live 24/7, which has never, ever been true in the games. Even Knuckles is here with no explanation for why he isn't guarding the Master Emerald. (One might think that not drawing attention to Knuckles' job allows the writers to just pretend it doesn't exist, similar to what Sega does in many games, but then we get a literal 16-bit flashback to him guarding the Master Emerald in Hidden Palace.)

This would be a totally fine concession if this show was just doing its own thing like every other Sonic cartoon. The different universes are all different bad timelines for Green Hill, with Sonic spotting the unique iconography of the level buried beneath whatever's taken over South Island this time - a smog-filled Eggman city, an overgrown jungle, an abnormally high sea level - to drive home how wrong the AUs are. It also explains why Sonic can always find the AU versions of his friends in Green Hill, and it probably cut down on the number of sets they had to model. But because it is canon to the games, things like this distract me as a hopeless Sonic nerd. It also leads to some repetitive dialogue in the first few episodes as characters constantly comment on the presence or lack thereof of palm trees, because their only reference for what the world is supposed to look like is Green Hill.

Rings are also treated as a minor plot point early on to incorporate another thing from the games, as Sonic is late for the big battle against Eggman because he was off collecting extra rings. But despite how often it's brought up in that context, they aren't actually a factor in the fight at all, and then rings are never seen again in the AUs.

Also Orbot and Cubot are in this in the regular universe and then we never see them again? Are they going to come back??

This extends beyond these pedantic nitpicks, though. To me, the worst offender of the show selectively choosing when to care about the source material is the dichotomy of the character writing in the alternate universes.

Every AU will have one or two takes on one of Sonic's friends (Tails, Amy, Knuckles, Rouge, and Big) who are The Interesting Ones, the spotlighted characters for each subplot. These are the ones that get actual character arcs, and they feel like they're written in conversation with their original game counterparts in interesting ways.

In the dystopian world, Tails is known as Nine, a cynical loner inventor who was never saved from his bullies and inspired to be a hero by Sonic - but who, when pushed, is still a good kid deep down. In the jungle world, Amy is the extremist Thorn Rose who rides around on a giant Flicky like it's a chocobo and prevents foragers from "stealing" from the forest, possibly riffing on her bond with the Flickies in SA1. She's still looking out for the little guy, she's just doing so at the expense of everyone else. And in the pirate world, Knuckles is the captain Dread Knuckles, who instead of diligently guarding a magic rock was a pirate obsessed with obtaining a magic rock, and who swore off of that quest (and fighting in general) after it cost him the trust of his original crew.

These characters and their interactions with Sonic are all fun - Nine in particular provided a lot of my favorite emotional moments so far - and it feels like it gets at why you would do a multiverse story like this in the first place. You get to examine the characters from other angles! It's just that then there's... the rest. Characters who aren't the focus will just kind of get inserted into roles as Man of Action rests on broad cartoon tropes instead of actually doing anything with the Sonic source material. The dystopia of New Yolk City feels like a good fit given the history of the franchise, but then the other two worlds we've seen so far rely largely on stock "tribal" tropes and pirates going yaarrrrr.

I'm biased, but the worst off here seems to be Rouge, who has yet to get her spotlight universe (assuming she gets one next). This really stings because she's spot on in the regular universe. She hasn't been retconned to be part of Team Sonic, she's invited herself over because she's got her eye on the Paradox Prism (even dropping in unannounced at Tails' workshop). She's got a bit of that playfulness that makes her so fun, and the animation is able to lean into it. But then you go to the other universes and it's all gone.

Pirate Rouge is pretty fun, I'll admit, but I'm shocked they don't play up her love of gems there. Rebel Rouge (yes that is her literal name, the other rebels call her Rebel) gets to be a spy with a fun dynamic with Knuckles at first, but it quickly devolves into her just being the serious, responsible girlboss leading the rebellion who acts as a straight man to Sonic's snark. In other words, she's a lot like... Sally? I hate making that comparison because SatAM/Archie fans have been derisively comparing literally every new female character in the franchise to Sally since the '90s, but it's really hard to shake. (Similarly, it's hard to shake comparisons to Bunnie and Mecha Sally with Rusty Rose, the evil cyborg version of Amy with extendable limbs.) And Rouge's jungle universe counterpart ("Prim Rouge") is also just kind of there as the no-nonsense leader of the tribe, similar to Rebel.

And it's in scenes revolving around the blander of the AU characters when I'm like... man, I kinda wish they'd just made a show about the regular game universe without having to watch Man of Action bust out the pirate joke book and write the dollar store version of Princess Mononoke. I want to spend more time with the actual characters. Because they nailed the tiny glimpses of the game world that we got. This isn't a constant thought I have - again, I like the show, and the major AU characters are cool, and I like seeing new things be done with Sonic. But I'd be lying if I said I never wished the show had gone a different way. My perfect Sonic cartoon continues to elude me...

Story construction

Let's back up a bit and describe the basic premise. On the regular version of Sonic's Earth, things are business as usual, although Sonic seems to be getting a little too cocky and taking his friends for granted. During a fight with Eggman, Sonic accidentally shatters our new macguffin, the Paradox Prism, creating a series of new bad timelines in which he never existed. In that way, I might almost compare it to a multiverse-hopping adventure version of It's A Wonderful Life. A pretty solid emotional throughline to give the show a little more heft. In each of these worlds, Sonic helps set things right with the alternate versions of his friends and finds another shard of the Paradox Prism in an attempt to restore his world. He also usually faces off with the Chaos Council, a team of five alternate Eggmen who are all different ages.

Beyond the fact that there are like five versions of most characters, it's not THAT complicated, especially in a time when damn near everything in pop culture is doing multiverse shenanigans. Which is why it's frustrating that the script seems to think it's fucking House of Leaves.

For the first few episodes, Sonic has a VERY hard time grasping the fact that he's in an alternate universe. This is to be expected to some extent - Sonic is our point of view character through all of this, and it's a kids' show, so he's got to go through a process of figuring things out so that it can be explained to the kids at home. The problem is that it takes him damn near the entire first mini-arc in New Yolk City to figure it out, which starts to come off as insulting and leads to EXTREMELY repetitive dialogue where Sonic wonders why his friends don't remember him and where all the palm trees went. You'd think that by the time Nine explains that his personal history is completely different from how Sonic remembers his time with Tails he'd get a clue, but no, not really. He continues to meet alternate versions of his friends, stubbornly refer to them with their original names, and wonder why no one remembers their previous adventures together. This then somehow even continues into the second universe, the jungle one, where he somehow thinks he's still in New Yolk City and wonders why the cyberpunk rebel versions of his friends are all covered in leaves and wielding spears now. Thankfully, by the time he reaches the pirate world Sonic finally gets a clue, so this isn't a pattern that's going to continue. But it does make the first few episodes a drag.

This, the many recaps, and the out-of-order presentation of scenes back in Green Hill so that they can have a flashback to the regular universe in every episode for context really make it clear that this series was written for TV, not for Netflix. It's assuming that every single episode is going to be some 7-year-old's first episode and that they need to have everything explained again. I'd probably be a bit more sympathetic towards this repetitive, patronizing writing if it actually was airing on Cartoon Network, rather than being a Netflix show where they're dropping eight episodes at a time.

Stiff competition

This is the least fair of my complaints, but I gotta say it. As solid as Sonic Prime is for the most part, it looks worse at the tail end of a year when we've been FEASTING as Sonic fans.

We got a movie sequel that pivoted HARD into game elements, giving us both really great takes on the characters and interesting remixes of old ideas. The IDW comics are still going as strong as ever, with the continually compelling arc of new villains Surge and Kit and now the wildly inventive and downright beautiful to look at Scrapnik Island. And, of course, we got Frontiers, a return to form for the series that adapts it to a semi-open world with the best and most interesting story we've had in god knows how many years.

And then we've got Sonic Prime, a pretty good cartoon that between fun action scenes and interesting story ideas frequently relies on genre pastiches that were tired 30 years ago and jokes that aren't particularly funny.

I think reading Scrapnik Island #3 really put this into perspective for me. Which, again, isn't fair. The comics target older kids and are ALWAYS heavily tied to established continuity, and a comic miniseries can afford to go way more niche than a Netflix show. But Scrapnik is just doing such amazing and original things, bringing back long-forgotten elements of the games and recontextualizing them in fascinating ways. That mix of both the heartwarming sight of the Scrapniks finding happiness in their new lives and the EXTREMELY atmospheric horror aboard the ruins of the Death Egg. It rules! It takes elements hardcore fans wanted to see again and tells a totally new story with them that's unlike anything we've seen before in the franchise. It's really, really hard for "what if Knuckles was a pirate" to compete with that.

But we're still early in Prime. Things are getting more interesting over time, with Sonic acclimating to the dimension hopping and more crossover between the different universes. Nine discovering a completely dead, empty world and wanting to start from scratch there was also really interesting, and I'm curious if that goes anywhere. Again, I've been nitpicking a lot, but the show is pretty good and I've enjoyed my time with it overall. I just don't quite think it's 100% there yet. But I definitely think it could get there within the next 16 episodes.

Misc thoughts

Rouge sleeping like an actual bat is cute.

I like that the environmental themes of the series are such a big focus here! They fall to the wayside too often

I like that the AU characters have different names for the sake of telling them apart, but some of them are pretty bad (the aforementioned Rebel Rouge) while others I just don't get. Why is the old man Eggman named Dr. Done It? Why is the teenage one Dr. Don't?

I thought the scene where Sonic was trying to talk to the New Yolk City crew after a battle and they had to keep ducking under a laser that was still slowly circling the room was funny

The new shoes and gloves are ugly and I think it's really contrived that they magically transform into the perfect tools for every new universe

Between this and Frontiers it's becoming a pattern that Tails and Knuckles can get explicit flashbacks to previous games to highlight their histories with Sonic, while Amy can't. I don't know what to make of this

Thorn is pretty good overall but I do think the flashback depicting her as just randomly snapping one day when her friends pick one too many berries is so hokey that it wraps around to being kinda funny

I've neglected to mention Shadow, but I like him okay in this. It's definitely modern Shadow, but I think "hardass, no-nonsense rival who thinks Sonic is an idiot who acts without thinking and thus wants to kick his ass" is a decent place for Shadow to be in, compared to just The Vegeta, even if it's not my favorite version of the character. I'm curious to see what his role is in the rest of the show, especially given the cliffhanger, and hope he's able to work together with Sonic instead of just being a pissed off antagonist the whole time.

I hate baby Eggman

[blueskittlesart]

me, thinking that i have at least a base level understanding of botw: :)

blue, about to write a 1,000+ word essay that is going to completely revamp my understanding of the game and interpretation of its events: bada bing bada boom

i dont know how you do it. i am incredibly impressed and using all of this for fic inspiration. keep writing

every time someone asks me how i do this shit i have to regrettably inform them that the real genuine answer is that i am fucking insane. my 2 passions in life are writing and video games and the place where the 2 converge fascinates me to no end and i am that special kind of crazy that is capable of latching onto something and not thinking about anything else for 10 years. so. the only thing i have cared about deeply for the last several years of my life has been the way video games are written and constructed. and zelda is one of the most interestingly constructed franchises i have found to date. these games are just like. the absolute perfect story for my brain to work with and i truly do not know who i would be without them. and i am genuinely incredibly grateful that ive been able to build a platform where people like. CARE about what i have to say and take the time to ask me to think about the games because like. i would be doing it ANYWAY but knowing that there are people who actually read my analysis and appreciate the amount of thought i put into this stuff makes me really happy lol

[aventurescent]

ou im not just stopping by u gotta tell me ur sukuna headcanons now *latches onto ur blog like a leach* :3

this has been percolating in my brain for a couple days now, i feel like my hcs aren't all that unique but i'll share them anyway! i stuck to sfw ones bc i've never written anything smutty in my entire life, despite reading a lot (too much). this list does get more delulu as you go down tho haha

*gives gentle headpats to newfound blog leech*

SFW(ish) Sukuna HCs

appreciates the arts, although not forthcoming with that. i feel like he likes literature for sure (probably quite picky with anything modern tho).

this isn't a headcanon bc its literally a fact that trueform!sukuna has stretched earlobes, but i just think its worth remembering (both because of the references to buddhism and also because they suit him)

not straight - this man (curse?) is pansexual, and maybe demiromantic? will fight homophobes

i feel like he would commit murder for misgendering uraume (who i hc as nonbinary/x-gender). if asked about it by uraume, he'd say it was because they irritated him, rather than because he's defending them in his fucked up way. i don't think uraume would ask tho.

in the heian era, i can almost see him being into making things like carvings and possibly even sculptures? he might even use his techniques for them. but i don't think he has time to be "idle" like that in modern times

this is random, but i think he might enjoy some video games, particularly violent ones. however, if he had full-control of his body, i think he'd quickly get bored and realise that he could just go do the same things irl.

while trapped inside yuuji, i think it playing violent video games could initially be a way that sukuna can be temporarily placated. however, i can see him trying to make yuuji do particularly horrific things in game, which he'd refuse and then i think he'd just get even more frustrated with his confinement.

(i had a mental image of yuuji getting sick of sukuna's urge to kill people and opening up sims 4 to show all the different ways you can kill a sim, but sukuna thinking the methods of killing were pitiful and uninspired. then, sukuna would mock yuuji for thinking that this would be enough to entertain him)

i think that he'd definitely drink, and might have even dabbled with mind altering substances in the heian period. he's a hedonist, y'know?

i feel like if you were in some kind of relationship with him (read: if he decides to keep you as his lil pet), i think he'd be very possessive. i think it'd be to the point where he wouldn't want you out of his sight, maybe even want on his lap at all times. he'd never admit it, but i think he relishes in skinship (particularly after 1000+ years of being sealed) but passes it off as ownership over you

actually i think if you catch his interest, he will go full yandere, but i think it'd take A LOT to genuinely intrigue him to that extent

i think he'd also find it refreshing to be looked at as an object of desire despite/as well as being a monster. again, he'd never admit it and would ruthlessly bully you for it, but i think he likes the ego boost

[boonasaurusrex]

Hhhh I have oc brainrot and this is my house so I'm going to say things about it

(Long post below)

So, I've posted before about Anna and Juni and the thing about them is that they have no cannon. I made Anna to fight off the monsters from horror shows I was too young to watch and Juni because I was uncomfortable putting Anna through any horrors.

What I posted last week on sts was my ongoing attempt to force them into a coherent canon but I almost don't like it? It's a little hollow and almost doesn't fit the underlying core of the characters I have in my brain.

Why not use the progression they went through as I grew up? I insert them into *everything*, that's why I struggle to obsess over fandom characters, because my special-est guys are already there.

To make it short, I was obsessed with Oblivion growing up and Anna was part of the Dark Brotherhood.

(Juni is still nebulous at this point so we're focusing on her)

(If anyone has not played through the DB quest of Oblivion and would like a rundown, I would be so happy to talk about my favorite part of my favorite video game)

I like to think that she still watched her bio-dad (Matthew) "die" and then teleported to Cyrodil, where she immediately stumbles upon/is contacted by/interacts with somehow Lucien and latches onto him like a baby duckling.

She THRIVES in the Dark Brotherhood. This is why the solider story doesn't fit for me, because as much as she and I both want her to be a good person, a *hero*, she is not. She is someone who gleefully decapitates a guy in an alley and then goes home to brag about it to her buddies.

She is not the player in this AU. I like to think she and the player have a mirrored track, joining at the same time and being spared from the Cheydinal masacre.

(I like to think she was sent off to Skyrim or just the other side of the map for a contract, all happy (LEGITIMATELY the happiest she has ever been or will be again) and then comes home to nearly her entire family in pieces on the ground, and she CANT BE MAD AT THE GUY WHO DID IT)

She latches on even harder to Lucien at that point. One thing that's been constant is that she is someone who leaves claw marks in things. Never letting them go.

She and the player are both put on the dead drop system, and I like to imagine she notices that the higher ups are getting murdered, but Lucien is already off trying to solve that problem so she's on her own.

(Also PLEASE ask me my thoughts on how Obsidian handled that quest/reveal, I love it so much)

She's always one step behind both the player and Lucien, though she's in the players spot when she busts into Applewatch.

Just in time to see the remaining leaders deliver the final blow to Lucien's mutilated, nearly unrecognizable body.

"Hey! We found the traitor! Isn't that wonderful? Aren't you happy!"

I feel like describing it takes away the impact, so let's say that she locks the door behind them and emerged several hours later, coat a darker shade of black.

(At least two of those hours were dedicated to sobbing over Luciens' corpse and then stabbing the player's several hundred more times)

Technically the Brotherhood limps on from Applewatch, slowly growing into what it is in Skyrim, but for me it ended there. She killed it. The Final Listener.

I remember crying about this to my sister and her going "well that's what happens when you join the murder cult".

I think Anna internalized that. This happened because of the darkness. This happened because you weren't good enough to save them.

Maybe if I am good.

Maybe if I save people.

Maybe if I'm a hero.

Maybe I can save them all.

~~~

I have more but this post is long enough lmao. Send me a message if you want to talk about your ocs with mine (or just want to talk, I'm very friendly)

[entryn17]

How did you first discover Undertale? What do you think keeps you coming back to this game repeatedly?

autism moment so i remember this with perfect clarity. i was 11 years old watching youtube on the family computer and i decided to check out a youtuber i had liked some months prior. saw they had uploaded several parts of an undertale letsplay. unfortunately i clicked off soon because my english was subpar and thought the scene where frisk has to walk the long corridor to the pillar where toriel was hiding to be very boring LOL. some weeks later i saw jacksepticeye was recording videos of himself playing it and the thumbnails were flashy enough for my brain to lock onto the bright colors and decide to give it a second shot. i got the game for christmas that same year :-)

i think one big thing that keeps me coming back is how real the characters feel. i tend to gravitate towards story-rich experiences, and though i couldn't articulate it then cause i was 11, something that could juggle between comedy, horror, heartfelt emotional moments and so much more just made me latch onto it. that and the world of undertale was just so charmingly weird. it was a game i played when i very badly wanted to escape my life and i associated the true pacifist ending with the promise of like... i guess that things will get better? that i'll have a chance of my own life and stuff? so even now it's just really comforting to me! but i've grown to appreciate other aspects of it like its metanarratives over the years

[shrimpmandan]

"I dont support it in real life!"

Then why write about it? If for coping purposes, why post it online for others (especially actual predators) to see and consume? Then why portray those things in a positive light instead of condemning them?And you're seriously going to tell me that just because as an adult you want to see a fictional minor (that mind you, is usually designed to resemble an actual child) depicted in sexual situations doesn't mean you don't share that same view concerning children in real life? You find fictional minors attractive but not real ones? Why does the line between finding someone who is (and usually also looks like) a child sexually attractive get drawn at whether the child is real or not? I'm not calling anyone pedophiles, but if the shoe fits... And also no, I am not talking about 18 y/os finding 17 y/os attractive. Use your brain. Creating content of underaged characters is still questionable regardless of age, however.

I want you to disconnect this argument from sexual content and pedophilia for a moment and think about this in terms of any story ever.

Do you think people who write about murder endorse murder? Probably not. The "do video games make kids violent" argument has also been debunked several times over. So why do you get freaked out when it's sexual content? Why is it suddenly an endorsement when it's something being written about sexually, or even just something that's taboo in general?

For that matter, you're talking to someone who has written necrophilia since he was like, 15, at least? What makes writing about fictional necrophilia any different than writing about fictional pedophilia, when both are crimes that involve nonconsenting persons?

As to actually explain the appeal of fictional underage: it's not necessarily about finding a young-looking character attractive. I'd argue it's usually not, actually. For me personally, I write about fictional underage because it's a way of me expressing my very real sexual feelings I had as a child, that I obviously couldn't express then because I was too young to grasp consent and safety. I was also abused of course, but beyond that, a lot of adults enjoy thinking about their first awkward relationship, their first kiss, their first time. That's why so many adults in fandom-- especially LGBT adults who were robbed of being able to express their sexuality as teenagers-- latch on SO aggressively to ships depicting LGBT teens. They're projecting onto them and living an experience they never got to have.

And in any case, AO3 has 300,000 fics on the topic. 300,000. Many with hundreds of thousands or even millions of hits. Like it or not, it's popular. About as popular as the rape/non-con tag, in fact. You are GOING to meet people who enjoy that content at some point or another, so you have a choice to make. You can either choose to die on the sword of something that isn't real at the expense of an actual human being, or you can choose to extend respect and courtesy towards real people even if you don't understand or are personally made uncomfortable by their fictional interests. Which one you choose is up to you.

Addendum: I was exposed to loli/shotacon hentai when I was like 10 and at no point did it make me think that actual CSA was okay. I do struggle with POCD regardless but that's more to do with me having been sexually abused than it is anything to do with hentai lmao.

[rigaudon]

highly controversial (esp for tumblr) take under the cut, brought to you by me, less than 24 hours after running out of my antidepressants

i hate the continued trend of "quirkifying" (thing i made up just now) mental illness, but I especially hate how recently tumblr has latched onto, specifically, adhd and autism and turned them into personality types that people slap on a name tag to show off how unique they are. I hate that being neurodivergent has become the go-to excuse for terminally online people to justify their shitty behavior. I hate the sentiment that being unmedicated is something to be proud of. I hate that wanting to be fucking normal is a cardinal sin, because ew why would you want to be like those boring neurotypicals.

I hate it. I want to be normal. I started taking medication for ADHD when I was four years old and I have never, not once in my life, thought it was a Fun Thing To have. I hate that I've spent the last 15 years slowly coming to terms with the fact that I'm probably--no almost definitely--autistic, but am still vehemently opposed to it and unable to reconcile that fact despite all the evidence. I don't want to be autistic. I don't want to have adhd. I don't want to make these things a part of my identity that I share with people in the same breath as I talk about my favorite video games or dnd class.

It's not fun. It's not a cute, exclusive club you get to be part of.

It's miserable and alienating and people don't take it seriously. Because you're just lazy and not trying hard enough. Why haven't you done this task you promised you'd do six months ago. Why did you fail out of college? Why did you squander that once-in-a-lifetime opportunity? Why don't you finish anything you start? Having a low attention span isn't an excuse to not communicate like a normal person. I've had to tell you this five times why can't you just remember? Why can't you save any money? Why are you so fucking weird? Don't you ever think about anyone other than yourself?

Why can't you Just Be Normal?

I would give anything to just be a shitty, irresponsible person who makes bad decisions out of carelessness or lack of empathy. I would give anything to be a "boring neurotypical". Because I could work on that. I could become a better person. i could learn from my mistakes and have that actually mean something practically rather than just cognitively.

It's an overwhelming feeling of hopelessness. Accepting that my brain just does not work correctly and no amount of positive thinking, or bullet journaling, or time management skills, or even medication will fix it. It will always be a struggle. It will always be a ten ton weight shackled to my ankles that I have to drag behind me through any task that doesn't result in instant gratification. There will never be a permanent solution. I will never wake up one day and suddenly be able to do these basic fucking tasks that everyone else does without issue. I will always have to remind myself to brush my teeth, or to eat breakfast, or to take a shower, or to make sure my cats get fed. It will always be an ordeal to get the mail or to go grocery shopping or to keep myself from sabotaging every good thing in my life for the umpteenth time.

It's exhausting. I'm so tired. I'm so sick of fighting against myself every waking moment of every single day. I'm so sick of being told that I don't deserve any kind of accommodations or allowances or compromises and there is no excuse because "everyone else has to do these things and you don't get special treatment".

I don't want special treatment. I don't want everything different or "wrong" with me to be painted on my skin in bright red ink for everyone to see. I don't want to be reduced to a bunch of boxes so people can just glance at the labels and decide that's all they need to know about me. I don't want to stand out. I don't want to be different. I want to fucking blend in and be unremarkable and boring.

I just want to be fucking normal.

[twistedwonderworm]

Hello! Your monster au sounds really interesting and so do the matchups 👀

Preferred nickname: Fiasco (she/her)

A little bit about your personality: I'm an optimistic romantic with her head in the clouds and a huge love for stories. I have an introverted streak and I like my alone time to ponder about anything my brain latches onto but I like connecting to people through shared interests/ideas (especially nerd shit like video games and films). I also care fiercely about the people close to me and I want nothing more than to be the best version of myself for them. I already try to be patient and understanding overall, but I want to be even moreso for the people I feel especially safe with.

What you like/dislike in someone: I like genuine connection where I and someone pick at each other's brains and really dig in deep to get to know each other. I want to try and understand that someone and I'd like for them to try and understand me back. I like curiosity, introspection, interesting conversation, and feeling safe to express myself around them./ I dislike apathy and controlling behavior, I need balance with how involved people are in my life and vice versa.

Any characters you absolutely can't stand: In the context of a relationship, Vil and Leona. Interesting characters, just not people I'd want to get close to.

Whether or not you mind being shipped with the faculty: Go ahead!

Thank you so much!!

Hi!!! Sorry for the lateness and how short it is. But I'm pretty sure I got the perfect match for you! I hope you enjoy.

The ancient and playful elder vampire, LILIA VANROUGE!!

This tiny vampire is a cheerful little being that has no problem chatting it up with people and having deep conversations with them. Despite being around for so long and having done so much in his life, I still think he'd be very curious about the experiences of others, and he would be very excited to learn as much as he could about someone he's so fond of.

Talking about shared interests and video games, we all know that Lilia is definitely a gamer despite being so ancient. And he seems to be the type who wouldn't mind delving into new interests and seeing what new experiences he could have. This world is so wonderful in that regard. No matter how many things he explores, there's still so much more to learn and experience. And he is the exact opposite of a controlling partner. What's the point of not allowing his partner to do what they want and have fun?

🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇

Fiasco was on her way to Lilia's room. The elder vampire had invited her to hang out with him, but of course due to how sunny it was outside, he wouldn't be able to go out without his parasol. So he had invited her to come to his room instead. He had said he had a surprise to show her.

When she arrived at Lilia's room, she knocked and was immediately ushered into the room by the vampire. He looked so happy that she was there.

"I have something I want to show you," he said walking away. He quickly made his way to a console and tv that looked new.

"I recently saw these and bought them," Lilia said, setting out some pillows so they could both be comfy. "I wanted to expand my horizons as a gamer but sadly I've never played on this console. So I don't know how to use it." He looked embarrassed. "Do you know it? I would really like for you to teach me."

Fiasco laughed and nodded, "I can teach you how to play on this, so you don't have to be so embarrassed. Besides, it'll give us some more time to hang out."

The elder vampire smiled, "I would really like that, honestly." He gently took her hand and kisses the back of it, causing her to flush. "Am I being too forward with my feelings?"

She shook her head, "No, because i feel the same. But let's focus on the console for right now. Of we have time later, then you can kiss me some more."

[skyllion-uwu]

1, 3, 7, 8, 12 and 13 for the disability pride ask game?

1. What disability/ies do you have? (And are they mental, physical, or both?)

*Music starts up*

Physical: Crohn's Disease, Celiac, Scoliosis, AND Kyphosis. My ankle might also have something going on with it but I'm not sure if it's a disability from "this has been left untreated for too long" or something else

Mental: Autism, ADHD, OCD, anxiety, probably more shit if I keep digging but right now I don't think I need to

3. What, if any, disability aids do you use? Do you customize them/their containers/outside?

I have an ileostomy because my large intestine is so fucked up from the Crohn's that I basically can't go to the bathroom normally anymore. I have a cover that a nurse made for me but I always forget to put it on so no customization. I also have some citrus slice chewelry necklaces if those count but I need to order other ones

7. What's a struggle you wish more people talked about?

I think I just wish people talked about ostomies or even just gastro issues in general? Like the most acknowledgement I see are IBS jokes and I can never tell if people are laughing because yeah it is hell or because ha ha poop. I remember when I was first told I'd need an ileostomy that I was like "well this is the end of my social life" because of the stigma around fecal matter. It still gets in the way sometimes but like, my friends don't care. The airplane attendants didn't bat an eye and just helped clean up. My family is constantly trying to help and support in any way they can. Just people acknowledging it as something normal so that when someone does have to get one it's not terrifying to them

8. Does your disability affect how you experience other parts of your life?

Being autistic DEFINITELY plays into me being non-binary. I think my OCD also affects my sexuality like yeah I'm aroace and looking back I've always been like that but my OCD affects how I explore it. Which fucking sucks.

12. What's something people don't realize about your disability?

My parents don't seem to realize that yes I'm autistic and that means sometimes there's more to it than quirky things they like. I've gone non verbal a couple of times and gotten in trouble for trying to communicate in writing, I sometimes have a flat "bitchy" voice because I don't have the energy to emote and that doesn't mean I'm angry at them I just can't be a cartoon character anymore, and I've gotten in trouble for vocal stimming. Also same with ADHD, I get in trouble for not remembering some things over others and not having time awareness. Like sorry my brain latched onto a video game instead of reminding me to grab the cat's dishes because I'm leaving in 10 minutes (this means nothing to me)

13. What's the most Abled Person Thing someone has said to you?

I have TWO things. First one, I used to have this therapist I chose because she said she worked with autistic patients and I was starting to suspect I was autistic. I brought it up at the first meeting, she never really brought it up again except for our second to last meeting. She suggested I was a "highly sensitive person". I looked it up then and

Oh my god it's literally just autism symptoms. I was like "do highly sensitive people tend to be autistic?" and she was like "Erm it's often confused FOR autism". She also specifically said "if" I was autistic that I'm "likely high functioning" and "it wouldn't be worth getting a diagnosis". I don't plan on trying to get diagnosed anymore but at the time it felt like a punch to the gut

The second was also when I was a skeleton (flaring up and losing a shit ton of weight because I couldn't absorb any nutrients) and was being pushed in a wheelchair at Disney World. My mom was pushing me and we were headed to the Nemo ride. The cast member at the line entrance "jokingly" said "Don't think you're the princess for the day" and other stuff after that I blocked out. Sir putting aside the misgendering I am almost quite literally a skeleton and barely have any energy. I do not think I'm the princess I think I am going to die YOU CAN SEE MY BONES-

[lediz-watches]

Miraculous: Tales of Ladybug and Cat Noir (or at least, the first half of season five...)

Basically, fandom makes it hard to be a fan of this show.

Disney+ put the first half of season five up a few weeks ago, and I'll be honest, I've been putting off actually watching it because I've been playing video games in my downtime (Dredge! Also Dragon Age again, because I love the Warden and Hawke) and fandom makes me forget how much I do like Miraculous.

Because Miraculous is cute, and silly, and has hints of depth, and is what it is meant to be: a romantic comedy aimed at eight year old girls.

I'm sorry fandom, but that's what it is. And by accepting that, we become zen.

So for the purposes of my Disney+, the first half of seasons 5 is as planned, up to Exaltation/Elation.

So we got up to Marinette being in love with Cat Noir, Cat Noir having a celebrity heel realisation, and now Marinette can go back to the Safe Option.

The fact Cat Noir is Adrien and therefore has always been the Safe Option is only for us and kwamis to know. Shhh!

When you don't overthink it, and look at the show for what it is, it was actually a really well constructed arc. And I think it continues to be so if you're into spoilers like I am, but I haven't actually SEEN anything past this episode, so I won't go into that. But for this point.

As much as it made us tear our hair out because that episode was as close to 'real and happy Adrien' as I think we've ever seen, I think Adrien's little heel realisation was important. Because no matter which mask he's wearing, Adrien is a celebrity, and most people aren't interested in knowing the real him. So any relationship he gets into without dealing with that problem will mean SOMEONE is getting taken advantage of.

The show didn't go into it, and couldn't get into it, because these two characters are made for each other and are both safe for each other, but I think it was just explicit enough about the situation to plant the idea in a little girl's brain. And that's what matters.

Because Marinette does think she knows Cat Noir. She's spent time with him, she's seen different sides of him, she's smart and aware enough to know there's a lot about him she doesn't know, and while WE THE AUDIENCE know she knows him as Adrien, she doesn't. What she knows about Cat Noir is a super parasocial analogy, and in this era of online relationships and influencer-based reality, WOW is it important for little girls to hear that fan relationships aren't a good basis for romance.

Because the idea is there now. So future shows, aimed at say a 14 year old, which can get a little darker, can show what happens when people don't do the responsible thing. And in the back of their mind, a connection can be made. And maybe, just maybe, one day, that little girl might be able to make a smarter choice in her own life.

But that, unfortunately, is what I think fandom has trouble with.

Because this is a show for young girls. It's not actually trying to be anything else. It's just also very good at hinting at other things that we latch onto because we're older fans who can see the hints for what they are.

Marinette is a power fantasy. She's highly competent, smart, creative, funny, beautiful, everyone either loves her or is jealous of her, she's good at literally everything she tries, and the only flaws the show openly discusses are either things they say she'll grow out of (clumsiness, poor time management), or the result of other people's actions (her anxiety, her controlling nature, et cetera). Even when she screws up, and the show acknowledges it's her fault, it's never really her fault. And ultimately, she alone overcomes her problems because she's always been strong enough to overcome them, she just needs to believe in herself.

I would argue that she does actually have flaws, and that the show is very good at showing us them. I fully believe she screwed up with Chloe. Chloe's current arc is entirely due to Marinette's treatment of her in seasons two and three, but we'll never get into that for the same reason they'll never go deep into why Adrien's image being used on the Alliance rings is so frikking creepy (seriously, Illusion and Jubilation both make my skin crawl every time I watch them, my god). It's complex and insidious and just too complicated for an eight year old to really understand when they play with dolls and have a binary distinction between good and evil. BUT ANYWAY.

Marinette's a power fantasy because little girls need someone they can both relate to and look up to. They relate to her, because they've been bullied, so they're insecure and overthink things, and they're clumsy, and they make mistakes, but Marinette always comes out on top, so eventually so will they. Even if all their friends do what young girls will do and 'betray them' (little girls are awful to each other, honestly), they will prove strong enough to get through it all.

Both Adrien and Cat Noir serve this fantasy too. He's smart, he's kind, he's safe, he's hopelessly romantic, he loves SO MUCH and SO HARD, he's protective (sometimes aggressively so in the same way that little girls think they want a guy that will beat up other guys for them)(and some never grow out of this), but he actually needs saving.

The show then shows us why all of that is... actually complex and uncomfortable, but again, it's gonna skate over it because Adrien's... when you actually think about Adrien too hard it's easy to go really, really dark places. Him being controlled by the Graham van de Lily rings is the easiest and safest way of navigating the very dark and twisted construction of Adrien's situation. Because otherwise... yikes.

Unfortunately, I think season five is the culmination of this tell and show philosophy. Because the narrative is coming to a head. Marinette's made her big mistake as a hero, enabling the final showdown. The villain has crossed his own moral boundaries, enforcing the final showdown. All the narrative links need to tie together.

The power fantasy must prevail. The hero must overcome the tragic villain, the damsel must be saved, and Marinette will end up in a more hopeful life than she started in.

These are important stories for little girls to have.

But as older fans, we latch on to the depths and want to drag them up into the light. We want to see emotionally damaged young women grapple with the realisation that their actions, done in self-preservation and seemingly entirely justified, have negative consequences and can sometimes cause more harm. We want to explore the dark and twisted world of a kid raised to serve other people's desires, and we're fascinated by the fact that this is a male character in that position. We want to explore the terrifying catfish storyline that an older Felix could and absolutely would have played out with Ladybug and then again with Marinette. We want to see Adrien's anger and depression manifest and be dealt with.

Because these are the stories we as older fans are dealing with, and identify with, and we want OUR power fantasy. We want to be told that we can find a happy ending too.

And we can, and stories should tell us these things. But they don't, because stories for grown ups aren't supposed to have happy endings. Such is the actual problem with adult entertainment.

I wish we didn't take that out on Miraculous. Because Miraculous is a fun show. It's just that it is what it is.

I think I'm looking forward to the next half, though. Might just have to make a conscious decision to stay out of the fandom though...

[rhazimpulsivelyposts]

“His voice is so unique and different” I say about everyone 🤦🏻‍♀️

Like I used to think I was just attracted to “different sounding voices” but like of course everyone’s voice sounds different and unique from each other b what are you even saying? Right? Like it’s almost like I need outside ears to tell me if I like different octaves and speech patterns or if I just like sound so much that I find things about peoples voices that I latch onto?!

Because I guess I can’t say that everyone’s voice is unique because my moms sister was reading something out loud once and it legit started to make me cry because she sounded exactly like my mum and it freaked me out because my mum had died. But they are siblings so of course they sound similar. My voice is high pitched like theirs but not as soft. I’m not sure if that was practiced ? I know it’s not from smoking because my mum smoked so many cigarets. My voice is so shrill in videos, I’m sorry for anyone who has to hear me speak. I can speak softer but it has to be a conscious thought to do so.

I have such weird auditory issues man. Of course everyone’s voices are different and unique Rhaz 🤣 why is this so fascinating to me? This isn’t a video game where everyone picks from a set of 10 voices.

Like fck if I can actually understand people when they talk, my brain likes their tone and speech patterns.

♐️ sounded like a low octave and a high octave were being spoken at the same time. His low tones were so low and vocal fry-ie that our Google Home legit couldn’t understand him. He’s smoked since he was like 16 or something and I think it’s damaged his vocal cords.

♉️ pauses in the middle of sentences to breathe, like the periods and comas are all in the wrong spots. He’s from another state and said he does this because he has to think how to rephrase things in a non-southern sounding way.

♑️ has a higher softer pitch that almost sounds nasal-ie and talks faster than I’m used to but I enjoy it because I talk really fast. I think the higher pitch comes from not smoking or vaping.