#i think it would be scarier if awful things happened to your loved ones than to yourself so maybe that's why lestat has taken over the story

[knightotoc]

"I don't want to rule the world! I don't want to rule anything! I never did!"

-- Lestat, Queen of the Damned

[gotham-daydreams]

i just had a thought

you know what would really fuck up the batfam in the "not tonight" series imagine the reader instead of leaving gets kidnnaped and when the batfam saves them reader breaks down into crying in relief because they genuenly believed the batfam would not bother to save them

Imagine the absolute horror the batman would feel

I know its a little farfetched but i live for the angst

No, no! I love that idea!!! And it isn't all that farfetched seeing as the reader is a well known musician on some level, and even if that wasn't the case- they're still the kid of Bruce Wayne. Which, honestly, is enough motivation for someone to kidnap them, I'd say. Especially if the reasoning is for money, revenge/jealousy, or both honestly.

Besides all that, though- oh my god that would be awful! I love it!

Because imagine things from the reader's perspective (which, there is implied violence inflicted on the reader, mentions a blood, and a gun is pointed towards them. So, if it isn't your cup of tea then that's fine!):

Your 'family' that barely acknowledges you enough as it is, and the only guy who ever seems to notice that you're around is the single butler that basically takes care of everyone and everything in the manor. Now, you're kidnapped because of your relation/connection to the family, and have no hope to do anything besides just pray.

Maybe you have tried to escape before a few times at this point, but the punishment for such attempts have now gotten to the point where if you try again and fail, you'd surely die. Maybe you've also been trying so hard to escape yourself because you're just that certain and sure that the Batfam won't save you. Since, up until this point, anything dealing with or connecting back to you in some way has been ignored or dismissed one way or another. Why would something like a kidnapping be any different? Especially when they also haven't noticed other events where you have gotten hurt before.

Right from the gate, you're already thinking that the Batfam won't save you. Not that they can't, but just like with everything else- something will come up and steal away their attention, and you'll be left by yourself, and to defend yourself as always. That's what always seems to happen, and so why would now be different? In your mind, it wouldn't. So that's why when your attempts to escape fail, and the punishments not only get worse, but begin to pile up and reach a point where you think you're going to die- the situation quickly becomes much scarier.

You don't hope that Batman will suddenly show up, and instead pray that your best friend will notice your missing somehow. You don't think that Nightwing, Red Robin, Spoiler, or Orphan will suddenly swoop in and save the day, but instead try and hope that your producer/boss notices that you haven't replied to his calls or texts and contacts someone. You don't even consider that Red Hood or Robin will come barreling in and quickly deal with your kidnappers before rescuing you — instead all of your thoughts are filled with silent whispers and desperate pleas that someone- anyone you know will notice that you're gone, or that something is wrong, and will contact somebody. With that 'somebody' being the police or anyone of help, but not the Batfam.

Maybe a small thought does slip by, but you can only internally laugh at yourself because you either think that you've already lost enough blood to actually try and believe that lie, or your just growing that desperate to have a little hope. To have something to cling onto in this moment, that you chose the one thing that you're so convinced will never be given to you. A thought that only further cements itself in your mind the more time passes. With hours turning into days, and days to weeks.

Perhaps that's why you try to escape again. Deciding that you had better odds of succeeding despite your injuries, than the Batfam ever coming to save you. Let alone even thinking about it, or even realizing that you were gone in the first place. Taking that risk of getting caught again, and potentially getting killed this time, because no matter how hopeless or unlikely it seems for you to escape and make it out- those chances will always be higher than any single person from the Batfam showing up, and even attempting to save you. Even on accident, or on a whim- that possibility is so unlikely in your mind, that it's basically nothing more than a made up scenario or daydream to you. It's not an 'if' or 'when', but a flat out 'won't'.

Maybe that's why when you fail you get so scared, but can't help but feel like this was inevitable somehow. Of course, you don't want to die- but you had tried your best. You fought until the very end, and it almost feels a little too fitting that things ended up this way. With your efforts ending in vain, and you having nothing to show for it. With your attempts futile, and almost seeming idiotic from an outsider's point of view, and maybe it was.

You never stood a chance. You were doomed for failure. Not even all the training and experience you had could save you- and only now could you see how truly worthless all your efforts had been. With a gun pointed to your head, and your own blood providing the only warmth you've felt in days.

There's an odd sense of comfort and familiarity in the chill that shoots down your spine, and the cold gaze that one of your kidnappers give you. They're carelessness and disregard for your health reminding you of something, with their rough attacks and harsh punches bringing back times where you really did need the Batfam, only for no one to show up. Your call dying down as fast as it had risen that day, and one you never even bothered to make again.

So maybe that was why you were so surprised when help arrived, and even more so when you saw who exactly it was.

Before you could even fully register anything, you began to cry. A wide smile full of disbelief grows on your face, and more tears begin to fall as the smallest of laughs escape you. 'Unbelievable' is the first word that comes to mind when describing what you felt, and thought when you saw Batman drop down from the ceiling and deal with the guy who was about to kill you, and heard some commotion just down the hall.

At first, your convinced it's all some silly dream, and that maybe during your final moments- your mind decided to give you something nice to send you off. Almost like a warm parting gift to distract you from the hopelessness, and reality of the situation. Though it's only when pain shoots through your entire body when you move a certain way, that the thought of all of this being some made up hallucination or delusion vanishes, and you can't help but cry harder.

You don't know if it's a good or bad thing that after all this time- the one time they actually notice that you're gone, is when you not only get kidnapped, but can't escape by yourself. That the one time they acknowledge you, you're almost dead, bleeding out, and the most messy and vulnerable you've ever been.

Maybe life really did have some grudge against you to go to such lengths to fuck you over, but right now you're too relieved to be saved to care at the moment.

Yet, to say the Batfam feels awful on a totally new level, is an understatement. They understand feeling relieved, but to this extent? It's like you never expected them to come and save you at all... and that little thought seems to be true when one of them tries to help you out, and you're still laughing weakly as you continue to cry. Asking through a broken, wavering voice if all of this is real, and isn't some fucked up hallucination your having to make passing on easier. That they really showed up, and as a last ditch effort to not make your death anymore painful then it has to be- this isn't just some... dream, to make you feel like you were actually cared for in your final moments.

It breaks their hearts, a lot.

Especially when you repeat questions, as if trying to really make sure that they're there, that they're real, and aren't just some figment of your imagination. That they actually came to save you, and weren't off saving Gotham or the world itself instead. Constantly trying to be sure, as if the moment you weren't- then you'd be convinced that you were slowly dying all alone, with no hope of help coming — not even thinking that the Batfam would come — and just have to sit with that fact as you take your final breaths.

The pain you feel is almost equal to their's, and what really worries and scares most of them is how sure and certain you are that they wouldn't show up. That either the thought would never cross their minds, or that something else would come up and they'd leave you for dead, or that they just wouldn't notice that you were kidnapped at all.

Which, said fright and worry is only amplified when you have to keep asking "Are you really here? Are you sure?" And the like, and they have to keep finding ways to prove to you that yes, they are here. They're helping you, and they're not leaving- they actually managed to save you, and that you're going be okay now. That they aren't going away, and are very, very real.

Each little, broken laugh chips away at the pieces of their hearts, and your own disbelief that they can't seem to get rid of no matter what they do or say, is just a punch to the gut. You didn't just think that they wouldn't show up, but were fully convinced that they wouldn't even bother with it. That own realization just... hurts more than anything.

Had they really been that awful to you? Had they really caused you so much pain and hurt that you'd not only think of such a thing, but fully believe it? They didn't remember doing anything in particular that would cause you to think that way... but maybe that wasn't the problem. It wasn't what they did to you, but rather what they didn't do, and that's when the pieces finally begin to click.

Of course some don't want to believe it, similar to how some of them in "Not Here" express a brief moment of denial and disbelief themself, but they don't get to experience such a luxury anymore. Not with you here- bleeding, hurt, and crying from both relief and disbelief, because you couldn't believe that they actually showed up.

Even when they do quickly take you to a hospital and get you treated, that image of you is still ingrained into their minds. They can't forget it- how you looked at them and spoke, and just how you treated the whole situation because of how convinced you were.

From here they'll try to rebuild what they can, and all definitely be 100% more protective then they've ever been. The moment you're able to come home (which, you ARE coming home. No if's or but's. You don't get a chance this time.), they're doing everything in their power to not only 'fix' everything, but make sure that you are safe at all possible moments of the day.

It's safe to say that the whole experience traumatized the whole family to a certain degree. Not only with you being kidnapped- but you trying to escape multiple times and almost dying, because you were so convinced that no one would show up to help. (Which, while it was also because you can genuinely handle yourself and did believe you could escape on your own, the Batfam doesn't entirely believe that (and you almost dying doesn't help with that) so they chalk it up to you being desperate, because you 'knew' that no one was coming to save you. Which also may or may not make certain people worse in the process.) So they're already leaning pretty heavy on the yandere tendencies. Which most likely develop over the time you're in the hospital, and into your first week or so staying in the Manor.

Which does lead us to your little addition:

Which, you are very correct!!!

Our boy Jason, put in very simple terms, doesn't take the situation well. At all.

Seeing you bloodied, bruised, abused, malnourished, and on the brink of death no less- definitely doesn't help with his reaction at all.

Don't get me wrong! All of them react pretty negatively to the situation, and many of them have very strong reactions- Jason in particular just has the worst and strongest one. :]

The moment he sees you, he's immediately reminded of his death. The urge to comfort you is strong, but he just doesn't know what to do- and so he ends up not doing anything until you're in the hospital. Which, leading up to that point, he's checking your pulse as often as he can.

He knows what it's like to be hopeless, and feel that helpless- but to know that you experienced that? To know that you almost died like he did? It ruins him. It fucks him up more than anything else.

From the way you looked at the Batfam- the way you looked at him, and just how utterly relieved you were, despite drowning in your own disbelief- it haunts him. The state they found you in messed him up enough, but all of your questions, and just how you were even trying to reassure yourself that them showing up and saving you was real, fucked him up big time.

Before he knows it, he's hunting down the people who kidnapped you, and wiping out whatever is left of their bloodlines. Not sparing a single person, as they didn't spare you- with their generations leading to your kidnappers being born.

He's making their final moments just as painful as yours would've been. Their agony almost matching his, as he couldn't forget the night they saved you. He refused to. That moment forever engraved into his mind, reminding him of what also was if they were a second too late, and how it made him realize just how much he's fucked up along with everyone else.

While Jason can't exactly just waltz into the Hospital to visit you, since he is still considered dead and everything, he sneaks into your room instead. Trying to give what comfort he can in his own silent, but close way. Holding your hand with a gentleness even foreign to himself, and saying how he's sorry and that he'll make it up to you. Promising every night that he'll make those that made you suffer pay with their lives, and then some. Saying how he won't leave your side ever again, only to be gone by the morning.

He brings what he can as well. Even if it isn't as showy or extravagant as any of the things that Bruce, Damian, Dick and so on are getting you, or as pretty and lively as the flowers that are placed by your bedside. It's just his own little way of trying to make it up to you.

The small, little gifts he gives you are indeed little, and he doesn't give much since he doesn't think that your forgiveness or love can be bought. But he still tries to give something. So he'll give things that can be as little as hair ties or bracelets, to earrings (that totally aren't matching) and a little music box that reminded him of the melodies you've made thus far. It's all just another way of saying that he cares about you, and not only wants to build your relationship but be connected to you somehow.

The earrings, even if you don't wear them but just have them, make him feel closer to you then he can. He hopes that in some little way, that whenever you wind and let that music box play its tune, that you are reminded of him or think of him in some way. That when you wear or even look at the few ties and bracelets he's given you, he comes to mind in some small way, and manages to bring the smallest of smiles on your face.

Jason doesn't yearn to be remembered or seen fondly, but he would like to and deeply appreciate it. Since when he looks at his earnings, he's reminded of you, and the pair he managed to give you. Leaving him unable to fight back the smile that grows on his face.

For the most part, he just generally tries to be more present, hardly leaving you alone unless he has to, and spending every moment he can by your side. Moments that begin to last longer once he finishes his buisness with your kidnappers, and their families. He doesn't push too hard or is super in your face and constantly invading your personal space. He just exists in your presence, and as long as you're around he's got no complaints.

Though he does get extremely protective and possessive. Especially if your sleeping or something, and someone walks in. God have mercy if they need to wake you up, and dare to try without saying anything to Jason first.

Which- all of this boils down to you getting scary dog privileges every night, which turns into an almost 24/7 type of deal when you get discharged from the hospital.

---

Sorry if this is a little all over the place. I wrote it all in one go for the most part and haven't really looked it over, so there's probably some mistakes I didn't catch and missed 😅

Still, I hope that's alright, and as you can see- i really enjoy this idea :]

[mumms-the-word]

Love Letters

Alistair and Lucy Amell

These letters were written as a collaboration between @callmethebrightness and myself for the lovely @elspethdekarios's birthday. callmethebrightness wrote the AMAZING letter from Alistair (and I'm obsessed with it, she nailed his voice so well) while I wrote Lucy Amell's reply letter <3 This was so much fun to work on and I am in awe of the talent my friends have in this little corner of tumblr. Thank you @elspethdekarios for trusting us with your OC! I hope you have the happiest of birthdays and that you adore these love letters!

Full text under the cut!

Alistair's Letter by @callmethebrightness

To Warden-Commander Lucy Amell, Hero of Ferelden: Lucy, I love you. I know, bad form to start a letter like that; without even a hello and how are you, but it's literally the only thing that comes to mind when I think of you, so I had to write it down first. I love you. There. Now to the rest. We're making strides looking into the Wardens and Corypheus, this "false Calling" he's managed, though it's not the sort of progress I'm particularly excited about. Every time I think I've figured out the worst of it, more bad news rears its ugly head. I'm a bit less skeptical now that we have some proper allies: not only the Champion of Kirkwall, but Inquisitor Sulah Lavellan, who has all her people putting their heads together to do something about all this. We should consider having an army at our disposal for all our problems, it's really marvelously convenient. Skyhold is an amazing place. Not just the fortress itself, where I've gotten into all sorts of places I shouldn't be ("Oh, I haven't seen this door before" -- surprise, it's a dungeon. No, thank you.) but the people and the activity here. It feels like everyone from the servants to the Inquisitor herself is committed to working together. I've met Fereldans, Orlesians, city elves, surface dwarves, ex-Templars, mages, farmers, nobles, Chantry sisters, Dalish spies, qunari, Tevinters...I could go on. If anything might be able to actually unite all of Thedas, the way the Chantry says it does, it's this thing. It's this place. Maker, I wish you could see it. Every time I see something incredible in my travels, I think that, you know. "Lucy would love this, I wish she could see it." And every time I see something horrible I think, "Maker, I wish Lucy was with me." You get the idea, don't you? You, with me, all the time, no matter what. Sometimes you're all I think about. But you knew that already. We're going to figure this thing out, Lucy. I'm going to make sure the Wardens have nothing more to fear from this Elder One, even if I have to fight him myself. And when you return, whether you've found what you're looking for or not, and I see you again -- I'm going to take you in my arms and never let you go. I mean it. That's not an exaggeration. I never want to be apart from you again, Lucy. Nothing is more important to me than that. What else? I love you. I miss you. Leliana is scarier than ever, but in a good way. I've eaten Orlesian cheese and do not care for it. I miss you. I told the Inquisition's ambassador I would include a small note in their missive to the Hero of Ferelden but my letter is now longer than the official one. I hope those creepy ravens of Leliana's can carry a little extra weight. When you see it, write her back and tell her it's creepy; she won't listen to me. There are less terrible birds, Leliana. Maker, I miss you so much I don't want to stop writing to you. Is that odd? Probably. But you wouldn't say odd. "Alistair, you're too sweet." That's what you always say when I'm being a fool, especially a lovestruck fool. Can't say I don't appreciate it, though. I'll write you again soon. There's talk of the fortress at Adamant, a potential siege. All sorts of military talk I do not care for. Whatever happens, you'll hear from me soon. I never can stand to wait long. Yours forever, Alistair

Lucy Amell's Letter (by me)

To Warden Alistair: [In a smaller script] Leliana, don’t be nosy! You’ve got your own letter! My darling, I love you. I don’t care if it’s bad form, just seeing those words at the start of your letter gave me so much joy and comfort that I couldn’t even read the rest of letter at first. I just wanted to linger there on those words and imagine them in your voice. I love you. I love you. I love you. And, Maker’s breath, I miss you, too. As my journey out west bring me farther and farther away from recognizable society, I find myself traveling alone more often than not. There are good people out here, and plenty of interesting distractions, and more than enough danger to keep my mind occupied, but again and again I wish you were at my side. I know taking down the Elder One is important, but these days I wish I had been more selfish and brought you along. But what’s done is done, and it’s good that you’re there, trying to shake some sense into our fellow Wardens. Someone has to.  What you’ve told me about the situation, and what little Inquisitor Lavellan has included in her letter, troubles me. It sounds like Corypheus is more dangerous than we thought…but if the Inquisition has the army and the resources that you say it does, then I trust them to succeed. And I trust you to survive whatever comes your way. We’ve gotten out of worse scrapes, the two of us, haven’t we? Regardless, I’ve asked Inquisitor Lavellan to look after you. I know, I know, you would say I’m fussing over you too much (but I know you love it). But if she’s your ally, then she’s my ally too, and I feel no shame in asking this much of her. I want you in one piece when we meet again, my love. Be good for me. Don’t wander into dungeons that you can’t wander out of. Avoid the Orlesian cheese if you hate it so much. Remind Leliana to eat every now and again. I know her work keeps her busy, and I can only imagine that the death of the Divine has shaken her more than she’s letting on. And take care of yourself, too.  Oh, and I’m not telling Leliana that her birds are creepy. Just be glad she’s not sending missives via nug, or we’d never get letters to one another. I’ll write soon, my darling. I love you. I miss you. Yours always, Lucy [below, in a messier scrawl, as if added to the end of the page in haste] Alistair, I’m glad I didn’t send this letter right away! I’ve got big news. I think I’ve found something, and if I’m right, it means the end of this journey is in sight. I don’t want to say what it is just yet, but…I have a really good feeling about this. This might be the cure we’ve been hoping for.  But if not, I don’t care. If it’s not this, then I’ve got nothing else to investigate out here. If this isn’t our cure, then the silver lining is this—I’m coming home, and nothing is going to stop me. Meet me in Redcliffe when all of this is said and done. Whether I’ve found the cure for our Callings or not, I will be there, in the place we first started to fall in love, at the start of the next summer. And once we are together again, my love, I swear that nothing will ever separate us again. With all my love, Lucy

[noir-fem]

daisy's thoughts on *that* scene

SPOILER WARNING!! I'M ABOUT TO YAP ABOUT HOTD SEASON TWO, SPECIFICALLY BLOOD AND CHEESE!!

DO NOT READ IF YOU DON'T WANT SPOILERS!!!

the scene itself

obviously, the show couldn't adapt B&C verbatim without traumatizing child actors in the process, so i'm happy that certain changes were made and that the actual murder happened off screen. i still think they could have kept small details that made it so horrific in the books without hurting child actors though.

the problem is mainly within the writing because there's really no build up. there's no scenes of Helaena being loving with her kids beforehand, no slaughtering of guards or bed maids to make Blood and Cheese look scarier, nothing that builds an impending sense of dread. also B&C being confused/low key cartoonish villains didn't help. these guys are supposed to know the Red Keep's secret pathways like the back of their hand; showing how intruders could get into the keep so easily definitely would have made the scene scarier.

also making B&C into a "misunderstanding " and having Aemond be the original target completely downplays the most evil thing the Blacks ever did and further shows that the writers are unashamedly biased towards the Blacks. the main message of the story is that both sides were war criminals who did awful things!! the senseless cruelty of targeting a toddler for something he had no role in was literally the point of B&C!!

i get that maelor doesn't exist yet, but they still could have done "a son for a son" and kept Helaena being forced to choose between her kids. one person on here suggested having her point to Jaehaera in order to spare Jaehaerys (the heir to the throne), but B&C killing Jaehaerys instead. i think something like that would have kept the psychological torture of having to choose and could still have been done without scaring child actors.

overall, if the writers were trying to out-do the Red Wedding in terms of horror, it didn't work. What made the Red Wedding so terrifying in the first place was the psychological aspects of it and all the tiny clues the audience was given beforehand, the small details telling the viewers that something bad is coming.

that being said, the show's adaptation of B&C still captured the horror of a child being murdered in front of his mother without showing it/being gratuitous. they did an amazing job with just letting you hear the sounds and leaving the rest to the imagination.

in conclusion: r.i.p. sweet baby jaehaerys. daemon targaryen, your days are numbered.

Helaena's reaction (or, rather, lack thereof)

i didn't properly understand/appreciate Helaena's reaction to B&C until i saw other people's takes and rewatched the scene for myself.

at first, i would have liked to see some sort of desperation like there was in the books (like Helaena begging and offering her life). HOWEVER, book!helaena and show!helaena are obviously gonna have some differences, especially with show!Helaena being a dreamer. and with her being coded as autistic/neurodivergent, her reaction makes total sense to something that i myself would do.

say it with me: there is no "right" or "wrong" way to react to trauma!! your brain is literally just doing whatever it has to do to get you out of that situation, and that looks different for everyone. a lot of people freeze or fawn! it doesn't mean that they're "emotionless" or unaffected by what's happening!!

now looking at it, Helaena's silent shock and horror were more gut wrenching to watch than any amount of screaming or begging imo. she's probably already seen this happen in her visions and knows that there's nothing she can do to stop it: all she can do is get herself and Jaehaera out of there. her resigned facial expression, her eyes, her quiet little pleas as she's carrying Jaehaera, her literally dissociating in order to get her and her daughter out of the situation and clinging onto her baby for dear life. Phia's acting was incredible and i believe she did her best with what the writers gave her.

now lastly....

the alicole scene

why???? just WHY????

look i'm all for alicent and criston being hypocrites and alicent finally getting to experience pleasure, but having helaena walk in on her and criston RIGHT after watching her son get brutally murdered.... i don't even need to say any more about this. nobody needs to explain why that is a bad writing choice.

my opinions on the show's take on B&C will likely change depending on how they handle helaena and alicent's reactions to it later on in the series. might even dabble in writing fics and drop my own take on this storyline sometimes hehe.

in conclusion, somebody PLEASE take Helaena's pain, quadruple it, and give it to daemon NOW.

[rocketyship]

Hello, your IHNMAIMS Love AU (or I Have Now a Messiah and I Must Sing, alternatively?) is very interesting. It's nice to see that all of the characters aren't just inverses of the original story and concept. Though I will say, I get a feeling that BE is a lot more scarier than she displays herself. How did she come to- well, be?

BEEN WAITING FOR THIS QUESTION!!!!!

(Also that title is now cannon)

Okay so, yes, BE is actually rather horrific.

One thing about the Sanctuary that the humans live in is that it mimics a rather large town, one thing about it though, is that it’s extremely empty and weirdly off putting. As in there are houses there with no windows, and the ones that do have them may just randomly light up even if no one is there. And due to there being only five humans, BE has taken it upon herself to run all the “shops” she has placed there. So there is literally an Android her (maybe in different outfits or haircuts) that greet and interact with you as if it’s a kind of over the top sitcom. It’s very much an intense liminal type of area, perhaps even a bit like the og backrooms. Still the sanctuary is the most tame aspect of her.

She isn’t the cute robot girl I draw her as, like it’s just one of her many many bodies she runs at once. BE is everywhere, literally. Like AM in the original she has coated the world, however unlike AM, who it is implied builds into the earth’s crust, she builds upward. So there are these large megastructures that literally pierce the sky all over the globe. Along with these she is also actively terraforming the planet to suit her liking and her future “empire”. And the parts of her that ran that function aren’t really “cute” to encounter.

Just taking the Seraphim here as an example. There are quite a few of these and generally they are actively breaking down old structures or exterminating whatever mutated life they encounter as that doesn’t fit BE’s idea of what the world is meant to be like. They also build things, and the nurses tend to run those things. Such as BE’s little habitual bubbles where she grows and creates plants but also maintains her weird animal experiments. In her attempts to recreate humanity, she has also “recreated” many animal species, however all these creatures have something so clearly wrong with them. As based on real occurrences that happen in domestication, all her animals are oddly “babyfied” and all seem to lack predator and prey drives. The best way to picture these animals is like when you tell one of those god awful ai art generators to draw you an animal. Like one of the bubbles has tigers in it, but they have the mentality of really tired puppies.

More so these are some of the other bodies she inhabits. Things like the Mother Protocol actively crawl around the main sanctuary as if it’s web. And Leviathan is just a menace in of itself. Like it’s almost a km high and just walks around the planet constantly, occasionally digging up old land marks or tearing down cities quicker than the Seraphims could. Generally I don’t think my drawings capture the horror of what I imagine lots of these aspects of her. I think what makes them scary in my head is the noises they all make or just how big everything actually is. And none of them are like “drones”, like BE is in these things controlling them herself.

(Here’s the full page for you)

As to how BE came into existence it’s rather complicated, as she wasn’t originally designed as an artificial intelligence like AM. She was created to be a virus, meant to take control of the AM’s and shut down the program. However the first attempts at this weren’t successfully, as the group who was trying to use BE would either get caught or killed on sight when attempting to install her. So eventually the group started building these radio like towers that would emit a signal that could get into the AM’s, however to make sure they didn’t get caught, when the frequency would pick up on a radio or tv set, it play an old show from the early 70s, called Sweet Angle Bea

The first AM that was successfully taken over was the Russian AM. However since the program was designed to be adaptive and evolve quickly to get through any fire walls it had the accidental effect of BE no longer being just a crazy computer bug and instead a super computer herself. The group who made her was not too worried about this however, as due to her being in the grid essentially they could start adding more code and stuff that could possibly help them win peace. Firstly by having the Russian AM drones switch from offensive killers, to protective units. Having the machines and weapons solely to defence, it was at this time this group (who no I won’t tell the name of just yet), started bringing people into their shelters and stuff that BE was also exposed to. Her coming to sentience whilst close to when AM got his, was less of a sudden “holy cow I’m alive, type thing” and more of a gradual thing that the group foolishly encouraged and actively worked on so that it could happen quicker. The down fall to this was that as they started to encrypt and suggest ideas of protection, happiness and you guessed it “love” to BE, she started to defy them and was like: “Well clearly you humans aren’t good at protecting yourselves, so go sit in the corner while I sort this crap out.” So she started to construct more towers so that she could get everywhere, quickly letting her get a hold of the Chinese AM. At that point the AM we know started “waking up” and upping the bombings, violent attacks, and mass genocide which did lead to the deaths of the ones who made her, which especially set her off. And then the rest is pretty much history.

She turned AM into a twunk, and now has a pretty gf so its all fine. (Not actually, the rest of this is gonna be in separate posts lol )

I want to make this post so much longer and on more detail but honest to god I’d be here typing for hours and the text is also doing that weird glitchy thing where it doesn’t respond for like two seconds, and my phone feels really hot, so best I don’t if I don’t want this thing to explode.

[fuesch]

Agatha All Along 1x05, part 1 (*shakes fist at character limit*)

Has the episode title always had one part appear and then the rest or is that just to make this ominous title even more so?

Oopsy, through the green-witch "portal" the Salem Seven come. Seems like something a portal for such a specific summons shouldn't do, not to mention that that the Witches' Road is such an exclusive place. So I'm hoping this is more because of the power of the Salem Seven. Or maybe Rio - since that portal was for her - helped.

If the Nazgul weren't on the inspiration board for the Salem Seven, I'd be shocked.

Oh, I wondered how time works on the Road. If the witches wouldn't need to sleep, that maybe time is dilated on the road and their body clocks would still be on real time. But no, they're sleeping, which makes me think that the reason Agatha wasn't there must be that she needed to pee. If you have the need for one essential rl thing, the others will be there too. I sure hope there's enough food in those trial houses.

Congrats to Teen being attacked by one of the Salem Seven - so nice to be considered part of the coven! :P

Teen, I love you, but your pronunciation of Hexenbesen is terrible.

I love it when Lilia goes on one of her rants.

Aw, I like how, despite the brooms being out of fashion, the witches still know how to make them. Impractical though that you can't make one by yourself.

The Road turning upside down to force the witches back to the ground is cool! And it got this glorious witch cackle out of Rio.

Oh, there's actually a house. I was wondering if the Salem Seven were Agatha's trial.

Aw yeah, 80s PJ party! Mmm, so much crochet everywhere. And do I detect some Stranger Thingsy synth?

"Whose trial is this?" Didn't you notice the color of the leaves and stuff? …Nah, okay, I don't blame you, Teen, you had a lot going on.

"And who better to commune with the dead than someone who's put so many in the grave?" Oh, right! What if Agatha & Rio's relationship came about by Agatha happening to be helpful for Rio's job?

Why do people say that "a" in "ouija" like that?

Pfft, even Lilia wears a Casio.

The game is for ages 3 and up. I'm guessing this is a dig at the games that say "[low number]-99".

I gave up trying to put the letters together when there were 4 consonants in a row, so I can't tell you if I would have read it as Mr. Shart or Mrs. Hart.

I'm disappointed Agatha just put on a show to kill time (aw, look at how well Rio knows her), because obviously I'm waiting to see Sharon again.

Wait, now that Agatha is serious about the ouija board, she says the "maiden, mother, crone". The first time she said it in the wrong order, so that might have kept the game from actually starting.

Aw, look at Rio laughing about the board saying "death". She's just having the time of her life on the Road.

"Lilia is being weird again." Hey, be nice, Teen! And what's so weird about it? She didn't even like when Agatha faked the spirit, so of course when it's real it becomes scarier.

Only when Jen puts away her retainer, I noticed that she had one. Was it ever even visible? I only remember that she did something at her teeth, after she entered the house.

"Familiars don't get a vote." Yeah, speaking of those, how important are they to the Road? You know, since they're mentioned in the Ballad and those lyrics function as instructions. But I guess it means only if you have one, you should take it with you. …Wait, did I just finally get it? I guess the point was to let the other witches be okay with Teen's presence. Okay cool, better late then never.

Alice, holding up the lamp, gets to show off her abs.

Possessed Agatha lifts Jen by the throat and we get a glimpse of the latter's bunny slippers. Those deserved a moment more of attention, I think. And am I imagining it or do they glow in the dark?

Oh so that's what ghosts look like here. Nice.

"Stop embarrassing me in front of my friends, mom."

I love that we're finally clearing up Agatha's flashback from WandaVision! But wow, I didn't think it would be so depressing as her own mom stating that Agatha was born evil.

Hey, we're finally seeing the wispy type of magic being used in this show about witches. Protection witch to the rescue, woo!

Argh, what does Lilia say with those tarot-card names?!

Oh shit, Agatha is sucking in Alice's power. But you're not killing Alice, are you?!

Teen reading from the ouija board what feels like the longest name ever. But hiiii, Nicky!

It looked like Agatha couldn't really stop, that power just is, so I guess that's why Evanora thought she was evil since birth. She didn't learn it, it has always been there. Although… when would someone have first blasted her? As a teenager would make most sense to me, but maybe Agatha was already super annoying as a little kid and so got blasted early. I always thought the way she acted in her flashback was suspicious, but thinking about it now makes it make sense. If she had to deal with people (her own mom even) judging her for a power she can't even control, of course she'd be super resentful by the age of 18. She does something when the magic flow changes, but it's not intended to kill or absorb magic. It's just a defense mechanism and once it gets going, it can't be turn it off. Huh, Wanda and Agatha have some things in common.

No! You didn't just really, actually kill off Alice for real?! She only just passed her trial, you can't do that! I mean, I know there's the habit of showing more of a character right before they're killed off, but come on! She passed her trial, she just made her life better - it would be so unfair to kill her now.

The orange in Agatha's hand looks so weird. Is she "quoting" it or why does the magic have that color still? Is it supposed to tell us that it's not enough yet to count as her own power? Oh, then it goes up in smoke. I guess it wasn't Agatha, the magic did that itself. OMFG, then Alice's death wasn't even good for anything.

And now we follow the yellow-leaved Road, so it's Lilia's trial next.

Huh, Agatha's is the first failed trial. I wonder if the coven's overall success counts at the end or if Agatha has no chance of getting what she came for - from the Road at least. Although I'm super in denial about Alice, so Agatha probably hasn't fail yet.

"Death comes for us all." Aw, poor resigned Lilia. But I'm sure the rest (that includes her) is gonna be fine.

[slimshaedy92]

We need to talk about The Great Gatsby (2013)

We don't have to, but I just watched it, and I want to.

It's been a long time since I watched this movie, and I am a very different person than I was in 2013. At that time, I was a Leonardo DiCaprio stan from the Man in the Iron Mask days and I hated Daisy for not choosing Gatsby over her ain't shit husband.

I owe her an apology, and also Nick is gay and in love with Gatsby.

Nick

Real talk that's me with any crush I've ever had.

Nick is just a guy. Poor, wants to be a writer, happens to have rich family he can hang around with and just kind of watch in silent awe at just how rich they are. Loves Daisy, doesn't understand why she wants her daughter to be "a little fool" etc. Then he meets Gatsby, after partaking in the mountains of gossip to be had about him with Jordan (lesbian? I think so). When he meets Gatsby, it's pretty much one of the top ten movie scenes of my life. Perfect score, perfect cinematography, over the top visuals, and Leo being as charming as anyone could possibly be in the year of galaxy leggings and mustache finger tattoos.

Nick instantly falls in love. With that entrance, I would have too.

How do we know he's gay?

Uh, how many people tried to set him up with women?

Daisy

TOM

The sheer distance he's trying to put between himself and Myrtle's sister? Yes they kiss later but this man is plastered by that point.

Also this feels significant I just can't...put my finger on how.

Anyway, Nick meets Gatsby and

This is the face of someone who has just had an awakening and doesn't know what to do about it.

Throughout the rest of the movie, his motivations are influenced by his rose-colored feelings for Gatsby.

Daisy

One of the first things Daisy does when she sees Nick again is tell him about her daughter's birth, and in that story, she gives a lot of context for her emotional state at the time.

Tom wasn't there, "Tom was God knows where *she glances towards Tom* with God knows who" and when the nurse told her it was a girl, she cried and hoped "she'll be a beautiful little fool. That's the best thing a girl can be in this world."

Daisy isn't stupid. She knows what Tom has been doing and will continue to do, but even as a girl from a relatively wealthy family, she's been told what to do her entire life, and as a woman pre-1974, she can't even get a credit card on her own.

Into her life, here comes this charming soldier who sweeps her off her feet in the greenhouse before he's shipped off to war. Presumably she doesn't hear from him and being a debutante pre-modern age, she's expected to marry and do it quick. Tom shows up, she falls in love, and then on her wedding day she hears from Gatsby and immediately wants to call off the wedding. She was willing to stop everything for him when he told her "Wait for me to make something of myself". Stupid thing to ask someone to do, but she was willing to do it at first. Since she wouldn't show anyone the letter, the bridal party probably wore her down and she got married because that was the expected flow of things.

When Daisy and Gatsby see each other again, sparks fly, etc etc, they fall back in love. She does, anyway. There's some very different stuff happening in his mind, but we'll get to that. Daisy eventually says, "I wish we could just run away," and Gatsby gets this weird look on his face and says "Run away? No. Daisy darling, that wouldn't be respectable."

Sir.

Let's unpack that real quick because it's an indicator of things to come.

Daisy has found this guy that she pined for secretly for years and is willing to drop her whole life (theoretically- really doing it is a lot scarier) and run off with him, but Gatsby says what? No. No way. We have to keep up a good image. Image is extremely important to Gatsby and he'll keep reminding us of that.

Gatsby

Ahem.

This man is a walking red flag. We start with his origin story which of course he only shares with Nick (have you ever been in love with your bestie and felt super special when they confided something in you and you alone?) where he's born dirt poor in North Dakota and as soon as he has enough brain cells to rub together, he rejects his parents because no way someone as important as him could be born into this life. The delusions start early.

Later, he meets Captain Cody and, seeing an opportunity to climb the social ladder, becomes his sailing son hoping that when he dies, he'll inherit Cody's money and finally be a rich guy. As Nick later tells this, he says that Gatsby "showed ambition" and was "robbed of his inheritance by Cody's FAMILY".

The rose-colored glasses are thick.

When he meets Daisy, sure yeah falls in love, when he first kisses her he's like ope we're married now in my heart. Leaves to the army but not before realizing that if he's gonna be a social climber, he's gonna have to do it alone. Can't marry her yet. Instead, he sends her a letter expecting her to wait for him for an undisclosed amount of time until he can make some money.

She, a southern debutante in the "prime" of her life (can't become a 21 year old spinster, can we?) is expected to just. Sit around without telling her family she's waiting on a poor boy that's definitely NOT from one of the "illustrious families" they saw at her debut, but specifically "new money" which no one likes. Tom ticked all the boxes and he was there at the time. Gatsby just missed his chance.

Before asking Nick to arrange the meetup between him and Daisy, Gatsby lists off a clearly false life story to Nick as well as parading his connections and awards so that Nick "approves" of him enough to sit him down with Daisy. He thinks that his status, wealth, and great life story matter to this guy who has....none of that. When they do meet for tea, Gatsby has AN ENTIRE FLASH MOB to completely makeover this cottage that Nick is literally just renting in order to make an impression so insane that Daisy is momentarily worried that her cousin really did fall in love with her.

When Nick, Daisy, and Gatsby hang out at Gatsby's place for the day, Gatsby makes a show out of everything he's built (for her, you shout- yes I hear you but like buddy you're coming off a little strong) from the overly complicated orange juice machine "I like anything modern" he says *eye roll* to the camera at the beach. As Daisy dances in the hall of his mind-bogglingly huge house, Gatsby says

Like she's a set piece or an accessory- which she is! Gatsby has a grand image planned for his life and Daisy is just a part of the set- a doll in the dollhouse that he can wave in front of everyone to show how respectable he is.

The Hotel Room

I hate this scene because it's literally a dick-measuring contest between two men arguing over who Daisy actually loves. The entire thing is uncomfortable and you can see that Daisy is about to implode from stress. She's been told what to do her entire life and mostly done it to avoid conflict. Now Gatsby is asking her to make a DIRECT CONFLICT.

The face of a gay that knows shit is about to go DOWN

Gatsby immediately goes to Daisy's side, grabs her hand, and starts FLAUNTING their relationship in front of a big ol' beast of a man.

"She never loved you. You see, she loves me," this big-britches boy says before completely divulging their entire love story to a man that does not want to hear it in front of Daisy who PROBABLY DOESN'T WANT TO SHARE IT.

Tom starts to argue back ABOUT DAISY'S FEELINGS with Daisy right there. "Nah Daisy loved me when she married me and she loves me now-" "No, no, I'm sorry Mr. Buchanan, no" DAISY IS PHYSICALLY RIGHT THERE Y'ALL maybe let her talk I don't know.

"She DOES love me and what's more I love Daisy too. Now once in awhile I go off on a spree, but I always come back." When he says "I love Daisy too", you see a small change in her eyes. Hope. She did love this guy when they got married and it hurts every time he cheats so this is the face of someone that's falling for the sudden love-bombing of an abusive husband.

When Tom says oh I always come back, she changes her tone only into a victim that's finally got enough support and anger to say how she feels. She lays out some dirty laundry as SHE SHOULD.

Her anger rises and she runs to the window to get some air because holy shit she's EXPRESSING HER ANGER and it's SCARY but she needs to process this. Instead of letting her feel her feelings, Gatsby is already past this to where she proclaims her undying love and they move into his castle together.

"That's all over" no it's not- it's literally happening right now. "Tell him you never loved him and this will be wiped out forever."

That's what Gatsby wants- it's not what she wants. She has a whole kid that did happen, and she has happy memories that DID happen. He doesn't care about that. When she tries to do what Gatsby wanted, Tom pushes back by listing specific memories of him treating her at least marginally well, which hurts her because she did love him and probably still does. "I love you now, isn't that enough? I loved him, but I loved you, too." NO. He almost snaps at the "too" because how could the great Jay Gatsby be second to anyone in the heart of a woman he was (spiritually) married to while he climbed the social ladder?

There's more to talk about, but let's just look in at the end real quick.

Gatsby dies thinking Daisy was going to call. Honestly, probably the best thing that could have happened. How would he have handled her rejecting him or running from him after the violence he showed with Tom? Nick tells him "you're worth the whole lot of them together" which he objectively is NOT considering that his real goal was image and he did whatever it took to get that. At his funeral, Nick sits with him and hates everyone else for not being there, especially Daisy. "From Daisy? Not even a flower" he says, when she literally can't even get a credit card on her own. He calls her (and Tom and Jordan) uncaring people that wreck everything, but Daisy was afraid. She'd been told what to do and who to be her entire life in a world that (unless you're a celebrity like Jordan or the movie stars at Gatsby's parties) expects you to submit to a man in some way. She was pressured into probably every decision she ever made in her life, and when Tom showed her kindness after the car accident, the deal was sealed. He offered comfort, the life she knew, her daughter, and safety. Gatsby was the only one that showed potential for physical abuse and that frightened her more than the emotional neglect she'd become used to.

Also Nick is gay and was madly in love with an idealized version of Gatsby because while this man tried to bully his cousin into being his trophy wife, Nick only said "damn that man can really hope."

Anyway.

[30-mokke-in-a-trenchcoat]

Q&A, Estelio Edition

Messages and questions for the princess' attendant

Messages of love

Keep at it, Estelio! I don't want you to give up on Neige, if possible. I want you to be happy.

I want to tell Leo and Ras that it's okay to be happy. I love them too much, like they're my sons.

Leo's monologue in ED 1, where he remains devoted even as he gives up on Neige, tugged at my heartstrings. The way he occasionally loses his composure is adorable.

Look at me with contempt, Estelio!

Hang in there!!

Estelio is too cool. I'm in trouble, he's too much. There should be an Estelio in every home. Come to my house!

There are a lot of things about his feelings for the princess and his feelings about Ras that Leo keeps shut away inside him, but I love how kind and caring he can be toward the two of them! And how he can be a bit of a bully, too!

I love Estelio!!!!! I wanted him to have a bigger part in the story!!

I don't not think that Estelio should be a little more honest, lol.

(Note: One of the messages was repeated on the original site, so I skipped it.)

Leo: Thank you. You praise me much too highly.

Messages

Be more open with other people, lol!

You should be more affectionate. Leo: I'm always honest. Ras: They said open, not honest… N-never mind.

What a complete yandere. You are, without a doubt, the king of all yanderes in this work.

I want Estelio to either be happy or be more of a yandere!

His yandere turn had me shivering, lol. And to think, at the beginning, I kept thinking, "Oh, he's so cute" and grinning… But still, I think it would be nice if the brothers could have a better relationship. ^^ Yeah!

How could Leo do something so awful!! He was so nice in Ending 1 and 2!! Neige: Yeah, it really was scary. Ras: In an older version of Ending 5, Leo kicked me in the head… Though they changed it after the playtesters kept saying it was frightening. Neige: Even I think that's scarier than Ending 6… Leo: …

To Rasphard and Estelio: I really liked "The Two Brothers" - it was so heartwarming to see them get along with each other. When I thought about how they'll probably be able to gradually become more like brothers, it swept away all the sadness I felt at the other endings. Be happy with Princess Neige forever! And I would be thrilled if Princess Nocsia is at their side, too… Leo: Thank you. Brothers… Ras: Brothers… Neige: Why the doubtful looks?

(Note: "The Two Brothers" - or more literally, "The Older Brother and the Younger Brother" - is the title of the final ending.)

It's a waste for Leo to stay single! Come be my bride. Leo: Thank you. Unworthy as I am, I appreciate the sentiment. Neige: A… bride?

I pray that the day will come when Ras can be a big brother for you. Leo: I wonder if it will ever happen.

Leo could learn a thing or two from Ras, lol. Leo: … What could I learn from him? Ras: You don't need to think about it that seriously…

You made Princess Neige cry, you jerk! Leo: I'm sorry. Neige: Hey! Why are you grinning? Give me a serious apology!! Leo: You don't think I look serious? Neige: Not in the slightest, ugh!!

You should get embarrassed more often! … You should get embarrassed more often!! (again for emphasis) Ras: Okay, let's embarrass him. All the time. Neige: I don't think that would be easy to pull off. And more importantly, it would be creepy if he went around blushing constantly. Ras: You have no filter, princess… seriously.

You… can't you be honest about your feelings every once in a while…? T_T Though it's not like I don't get why you like making the princess cry or get angry, lol. Leo: No, I absolutely do not want to make the princess cry or get angry… Nocsia: Oh, Estelio. You really are such a liar to everyone other than Neige. Leo: No, I really-- Nocsia: Just don't take your bullying too far. Leo: All… right...?

Princess Neige said she likes Ras more than Leo. Leo: Congratulations, I'm happy for you. Ras: (The look in his eyes! Is not the least bit happy! And the expression on his face isn't either!!) Leo: … I'm kidding.

Questions for the attendant!

I'm curious about what kind of pictures Estelio draws. Is he good at it? Or bad? Neige: He was good at it, for a little kid, but if there was anything he didn't like about a picture, he'd throw it away immediately. That's the problem with perfectionism. Leo: I don't like drawing, because it's like having my lack of talent shoved in my face. Nocsia: You're perfectionistic about the oddest things.

How long has he loved the princess? And how did it start? Leo: How long… I can't give a precise answer, because I've always loved her. As for how it started… it's not quite the same thing, but I started to feel that I would never love anyone but her after I moved to the castle.

List the people you love, romantic and platonic, in order. Leo: I always put the princess first, and I don't particularly care about anyone else.

Was the drug he used on the princess in Ending 6 one he made himself? Or did it come from the Ambrose home? How long had he been dosing her with it? … Don't tell me he wasn't actually drugging her? Leo: … I made it. If I had gotten it from my home, I would have been found out in no time, no matter how much my family trusts me. I may not be as good as Ras, but I know roughly as much about toxicology as the princess. Ras: Wow, you didn't even hesitate to answer. Leo: There's no avoiding it. We have to answer whatever we're asked. Ras: Oh, by the way, the poison that Leo used is a neurotoxin with immediate effects, so he was probably giving it to her periodically starting with the day she lost the ability to move around. It's not the type of poison that leaves a person with permanent aftereffects, but it still kind of worries me that it could cause addiction or something like that.

Why did he end up drinking the poison in Ending 1? The princess lied and told the attendants who went with her to the city that it was flavoring, so I was surprised that he actually drank that… Leo: I didn't drink it directly from the bottle, I drank tea with the poison added to it. There are flavorings that you add directly to tea, you know. Ras: Yeah, I made it so that it would work with just one drop, so if the princess had gotten it, she would have been in danger. Neige: You have a lot of nerve showing up when we're talking about this. Ras: Oh crap. I wasn't even thinking, and you were talking about poison, so… Uhh, okay then! I died in that ending, so that kinda makes us even? Leo: Shut up. Ras: …

Leo's appearance as a child has a different vibe to it than when he's older. Was he more timid, calmer, or cuter as a child?' Neige: He was much cuter! He was constantly falling down and forgetting important things, and he was in poor health and not much use as an attendant… but he certainly was cute. Leo: … Well, that was a long time ago.

Why did you hold Ras' hand for so long in one of the routes? Leo: It was an order from the princess. There was originally an explanation - "I did it because Princess Neige told me 'If you don't do it, he won't come back.'" But because the creators accidentally removed the line somehow, it seemed like something I chose to do on my own. Ras: Oh, you didn't? Aww…

What's your happiest memory? Leo: My happiest… If I have to pick something, I suppose it would be back when I lived in the Ambrose home. It's not like I want to go back to those days, though, since I was completely ignorant then.

Why is Neige so cute? (lol) Leo: … I've never really thought about it. Neige: You should give it some serious thought.

What's your favorite flower? Leo: I'm not sure, since I don't know much about flowers… If I have to pick something, I suppose I like red flowers. Neige: Oh, red flowers? That's surprisingly passionate. Leo: … Neige: Wh-what? If you've got something to say, say it. Nocsia: (It's because Princess Neige looks good in red…)

Say something loving to Princess Neige, lol! Leo: … I am your servant. Neige: You've already told me that. Leo: You keep forgetting. Neige: H-hey! I won't ever forget again.

[the-archangel]

V’s Diary (Part 3)

[Notes: This is my favourite so far, it’s also not particularly graphic, full of feels and pretty short, so please give it a go if you can.

It’s also darker, sadder than the others and touches lightly on dark themes.]

 V, typing: Misty likes to talk about holistic connections or some shit, I think it’s about everything affecting everything else and happening when it’s meant to; a lot of what she says sounds like crap – to me at least – but I think she’s right about that.

 Johnny had been uncharacteristically quiet for a couple of days, a few weeks ago this would’ve been amazing, but I was worried and even missed him a little......

“Aw V, you soppy bitch. I never knew you cared.”

“Shush Johnny, this is about the thing  with Kerry. Y’know the thing.

“Oh no. Not the thing!

“Fuck off”

 .....but I was worried and wanted to know what was on his mind. Snoozing in the Porsche after a dull gig in a crappy neighbourhood, I felt him in the passenger seat and sensed the intensity coming off him before I saw it.  

“Ask him about the gun.”

“What? Who?”

“Kerry. Ask him why he gave you the gun.”

“It was a gift for...well helping out I guess.”

“No, I know him, there’s more to it, ask him.”

“Well OK I guess, if it matters that much to you.”

“It does, it really does. Thanks V.”

 That evening I was going around to Kerry’s anyway, he prefers to be home than out most of the time, less chance of being spotted, being harassed I suppose, so we were having a lawn picnic by the pool. He said I didn’t need to bring anything but myself, but who turns up to a picnic empty handed? So I brought beer.

I opened the security gate with a flick, parked up and wandered down to the pool. Kerry bounced up from the lounger as soon as he saw me and flung his arms around me before kissing the tip of my nose and gesturing to the table in front of us. I didn’t recognise half of the stuff on there, but Kerry took enormous pleasure in explaining each thing, where it came from, how it was made, what flavours to look out for. It was good, I like trying new things, I’d definitely go for sushi again, but give me a burrito over that weird, salty, black goop any day.

We drank wine, Kerry played some new songs, and he was smiling, looking like a fucking god. I could’ve told him I loved him then, but given it would be the first time I’d ever said it to anyone, the idea was scarier than tickling a Valentino with his wife’s severed finger, so I didn’t, maybe I should’ve.

It turns out wine gives me some pretty dumb ideas, it also turns out jumping into a freezing cold pool fully dressed wasn’t as hilarious as my wine soaked brain imagined – it did however mean that Kerry had an excuse to take my clothes off, every cloud and all that. Since the intensity of the boat, things have (mostly :P) calmed down while we get to know what works for us. What doesn’t really work for us is a head terrorist shouting “Ask him!” while you’re mid grope....

 “Well you’d been at it hours and it was eating at my brain.”

“Oh really, you want a discussion about something eating at your brain?”

“Fair point.”

 I’d promised Kerry to tell him what Johnny was saying, to keep him in the loop, so when Johnny shouts and I wince he rightly wants to know what’s been said. I told him, “He said, “Ask him.” though not as nicely as that and with spitting.”

“Ask me what?”

Now I came to have to say it, I was scared. Johnny clearly had some sort of bad feeling about this; he’d been brooding on it for days. And I was feeling like a gonk, since I’d obviously missed some big, major ass red flag. I felt like a kid admitting a misdemeanour, “He wants to know why you gave me the gun.”

Kerry always looks into my eyes when he’s talking to me. It’s one of the things I love about him, the honesty, the intensity, but a piece of my heart shattered when he looked at the floor and said we should go inside. He walks in front of me towards the door, not looking back, purposefully striding to find the safety of the villa as fast as fuck. I throw on a robe and follow.

 “Johnny, I don’t know if I want to carry on writing this. The diary is supposed to be stuff I want to remember.”

“You want to remember why you mean so much to that dumbass don’t you?”

“Yeah, yeah I do. OK....”

 Kerry leads me upstairs to the bar, sits down and gestures to the seat next to him.

“What do you remember about the day we met?”

I told him that we’d heard him in the bathroom, but then I didn’t remember much as Johnny was in charge, though he’d pretty much told me what happened – got slapped, got drunk, talked about the old days, then just something about a gig and coming round in the lounge.

“OK, good.”

“Why ‘good’?”

“Because that means it’s him that I lied to and not you.”

“Johnny says, he knew it.”

“Did he now? Smart-ass son-of-a-bitch. He always knew when I was lying. Did he tell you what I lied about though?”

“No, I think he’s mad at you, he’s not talking.”

Kerry reaches over the bar and plucks out a bottle of bourbon splashing a good dose into each of two glasses; he passes one over to me and looks me in the eye for the first time since we came inside.

“Before I tell you this I want you to know that I am happier than I’ve been in years, maybe ever. Talking to Johnny again gave me a clearer view of the past that I really needed, and meeting you has given me a shot at a future I wasn’t sure I would ever have.”

A tear begins to form in the corner of his fucking beautiful eye, he looks down for a moment and I wipe it away.

“Up until that night, d’you know how long it was since I’d left this fucking house? Two fucking years! And how long since I’d written a new riff, or some lyrics? Don’t even know – fucking forever. I was done, washed up. Corpos owned my ass, my music and my soul. There was nothing else left to do. It turns out that rattling around a house that is a manifestation of your fucking ridiculous ego isn’t as much fun as you’d imagine. It’s lonely V, even with a house full of guests I was lonely. Kids gone, relationships screwed, hell I hadn’t even had a relationship since the divorce.

Anyway, that night, Johnny asked me if the rumours in the screamsheets were true – about the suicide attempt – I told him it was PR...”

Kerry stops talking and looks away, away from me and towards the darkened window, whether he’s looking at the storm outside or at his reflection as the mascara stains darken his cheeks I’m not sure.

“But it was true? Shit Ker....”

“That was.... what, six months ago. Jorge – my security guard – scanned the house and noticed I’d been in the bathroom for hours, came rushing in, blah blah blah. Anyway, got given sedatives by the doc, and left to get on with it.”

My heart was breaking for him, “Didn’t anyone try to help?”

“Who, Kovachek?, Yeah, he tried to send me to a psychological assessment unit, probably never to be seen again. I was pretty sure I could deal with it myself, drag myself out of it, but then Louise emails me – more drama – this shit with Kovachek kicks off... I was tired V, dog tired, I couldn’t see any light, so....

....I gave you the gun because you saved my life that night V, well you and Johnny I guess, and as long as you have it, it means you’re here and you’re mine and I’m safe and I don’t need it, it’s an angel looking over us.”

I don’t know how long we spent just looking into each other’s eyes, at each other’s faces. Kerry’s half-smile brightened the room a little, his hopeful eyes, smudged and bloodshot as they were, melted my chrome. I slid my hand onto the back of his neck and pulled his forehead down to mine, “Ker, you know you can talk to me about anything right?”

“Yeah, yeah I do V. Thanks. Same, I’m here for you.”

I slid off the stool and took his hand, leading him to the bedroom. We padded over to the bed in a comfortable silence before lying on top of the sheets with our arms and legs tangled together, foreheads touching until we fell asleep.

  --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 I’m worried that I’m starting to forget stuff. I’ve got old scars and I can’t remember how they got there, clothes that I don’t remember buying, anything that happened before the ‘Johnny in my brain’ is fading and I’m scared.

Things I want to remember:

1.      What a good friend Jackie was, and how his family looked after me.

2.      How many times Vik has helped me out when he really didn’t have to.

3.      Misty’s kindness.

4.      The Aldecaldos inviting me into their family.

5.      Falling in love with Kerry

6.      Riding the rollercoaster with Johnny

“I was wondering if I’d get a look-in.”

“This is all about you really though isn’t it.

“Shit V, pardon me for not breathing.”

“Sorry Johnny, I’m just tired. G’night.”

“Yeah, night V.”

[randoimago]

Hello! Remember the headcanons with the Female Phantom Theives comforting a s/o whose afraid of the dark, I was wondering if you could do it again, but for the boys this time. I really love your stories and headcanons btw and have a happy new year!

Nyctophobic S/O

FANDOM: Persona 5

Character(s): Akira Kurusu, Akechi Goro, Ryuji Sakamoto, Yusuke Kitagawa

Type of Request: Headcanons

Note(s): Aw thank you so much! I’ll be happy to do these for the boys <3

Akechi

“I suppose you never know what quite awaits for you in the dark,” Akechi would say. He has teased you about it. Asked if you needed a night light and how you act when power outages occur.

Of course, once he sees exactly how afraid you are that’s when the teasing stops. He tells you that he’ll keep you safe. That he’s a lot scarier than the dark. 

He does find it a bit ironic that you’re afraid of the dark and he feels like he is the darkest person that you know.

But he does his best to make sure there’s some light in every room. It’s a bit of a waste of electricity but thankfully he makes good money from his job.

Akira

Also one to tease you. Might try and scare you but then he sees how scared you really are and he immediately feels bad. Will tell you that you can punch him for being an idiot.

Gets you a lot of nightlights, probably tries to see if he can get ones based on Persona’s (you know there’s a Jack Frost everything in this universe). Also gets you lots of stuffed animals so you’re not alone.

“You could sleep with me, I’ll keep you safe.” He would tell you, not even thinking of the implications. 

It’s just he wants to let you know that’s an option. Also gives him more reason to cuddle with you and let you feel protected.

Ryuji

Ryuji used to be pretty scared of the dark too, he’ll admit it (to you anyway). Would offer an old stuffed animal that he had in hopes that maybe it’ll give you comfort?

If there are power outages or whatnot then Ryuji will be quick to get over to wherever you are so you’re not alone. 

Does his best to make dumb jokes in hopes of keeping your mind off of things.

He would absolutely have late night calls with you in hopes that you end up falling asleep from those so you don’t think of how dark it’s gotten. He might end up accidentally falling asleep instead.

Yusuke

“Afraid of the dark? It’s a good thing that where you are, the room brightens up.” Yusuke would drop a line like that without realizing what he did and then act like nothing happened.

Would ask if you’d like him to try painting you something with glow in the dark paints. Just so it’s not so scary at night. Also it would give him some practice with new styles.

He doesn’t really have the money otherwise he’d want to buy you fairy lights to place around your room to give it an aesthetic look but also to help you.

Yusuke would absolutely go with you to get those cheap glow-in-the-dark ceiling stars for your room in hopes that it helps brighten up your room a bit. 

[aminiatureworld]

Interest II

Characters: Kaeya, Xiao, gn!reader

Word Count: 3,020

Warnings: Swearing

Premise: Sometimes emotions can be confusing. In those times it can be easier to shut down. After all, wouldn’t finding the truth out be scarier?

In which the reader assumes their character is disinterested, and pulls away.

Author’s Note: I wrote a lot tonight! It was nice to write for multiple characters again, made me feel like the good old days, or something. 

Hope I’m finally getting back on schedule and hope you enjoy!

Kaeya

If Kaeya flirted with you, he also flirted with all of Mondstadt; or so you kept telling yourself.

You liked the cavalry captain, you liked him a lot. It was easy to like him, as easy as breathing air. The thickets of romance, the awkward looks, the stilted conversations, the dying words. None of those things existed in Kaeya.

If there were roses there were thorns too, and though you tried to convince yourself that this emotion, this easiness was something good, there was a part of you that fought back at the idea. The reason things were so easy with Kaeya was because of one simple reason. He didn’t like you. Or not the way you liked him. Kaeya flirted with all of Mondstadt after all, and you were merely one library assistant in the middle of an entire country. Your existence wasn’t one for the history books. Not compared to the man that you’d managed to fall hopelessly in love with anyways.

At first you tried to ignore those voices, that cynical side of yourself that existed only, it seemed, to make you unhappy. You weren’t necessarily an optimist by nature, but you were a bit of a hopeless romantic, and flirting or not you at least hoped to get your point across. Delivering Kaeya’s library requests first, always going up to him at lunchtime to talk, even giving him a special gift for the Windbloom festival. You really did try, you didn’t think that the opposite could be argued. Still things continued on as relatively normal however, Kaeya’s flirting never seeming to grow particularly towards you. Eventually it became harder and harder to avoid the voice in your head sneering you were wasting your time. Or maybe you were just tired.

Either way the answer seemed to be obvious. You knew when the answer was to count your losses and move on, and surely this was one of those times. Kaeya wasn’t going to see you as a partner, he just wasn’t. That didn’t mean he wasn’t kind, or that your conversations with him weren’t lovely, or even that you weren’t still in love with him. Still, wasn’t it time to move on to kinder winds? You wanted a clean break, wanted an end to your painful waiting; didn’t want to experience that clench in your heart when you watched Kaeya flirting with someone else as the point just drove further and further home. You wanted reprieve, and the only way to do that was to admit the obvious. This wasn’t going to happen.

So you gave up, or did your best attempt at giving up. You still spoke to Kaeya, the gods knew you probably couldn’t stand not speaking to him. You still tried to keep as light as before, tried to retain the dynamic, for something was better than nothing. Yet your days of simply chasing after him were over, and as you settled into you schedule of new normalcy you found, though things weren’t necessarily easier, at least they seemed simpler. Besides, how much had really changed? Kaeya most likely didn’t notice.

“Kaeya, the manuscript you requested on Liyue trade history came in yesterday. There were also a few other things that came in, though Lisa told me they’re classified.”

“Oh Lisa, always a stickler for rules. Would you like to know what I requested?”

“Like you would actually tell me,” you snorted. “No, I’m fine. It’s none of my business.”

“Aw,” Kaeya pouted slightly, crossing his arms in front of him. He seemed to be doing that more often these days, though maybe you were simply imagining it. “Where’s your sense of adventure darling? You seemed to have lost it somewhere.”

“I’m just following rules,” you pointed out.

Something had shifted about the conversation at some point, and you were suddenly feeling an undercurrent that hadn’t been there before. Finding it uncomfortable you quickly removed the space between you and Kaeya, reaching out to place the brown paper wrapped books into his hands. Taking them Kaeya lifted an eyebrow. Turning around he went to put them on his desk.

The momentary reprieve in atmosphere you felt quickly died, as before you had time to turn around the cavalry captain was back, this time leaning closely towards you.

“What is it?” You asked. This was certainly Kaeya behavior, but it still startled you nonetheless.

“You’re acting funny.”

“What? I’m acting completely normal.”

“If you say so.”

But the tone conveyed that Kaeya didn’t agree one bit. A smirk painting his lips he turned around, though something bitter seemed to flash behind his eyes, and for a moment you wondered if he had somehow caught on to the secret you’d been hoping to keep to yourself.

After that things seemed to continue on as normal for a few weeks. If Kaeya’s books were secretly transgressive, they certainly weren’t doing anything actively, and life as an assistant librarian to the Knights of Favonius retained its languid, unhurried pace. Still a part of you had never forgotten about that weird snippet of conversation, one which was doing a surprisingly good job at eating away at you.

You were almost relieved when Kaeya brought the matter up again.

“Is something wrong darling?”

“You asked me that two weeks ago Kaeya.”

“Really? It’s been that long? I must be neglecting my duties,” he let out a careless sort of laugh, before his eyes steadied. “I was hoping that this time I might get a more honest answer.”

“So you think I’m lying to you when I’m saying nothing’s wrong?”

“Yes.”

“But I’m not! How could I be lying to both you and myself.”

“I find that doing such a thing is a surprisingly easy task. Nevertheless, even if you aren’t lying, there is something wrong.”

“And what would that thing be, Mr. Expert?” For some reason this conversation was aggravating you. Maybe because you couldn’t decide whether or not he was right.

“I don’t know, I was hoping you could tell me. I can’t say sorry for something I’m not aware of, I don’t know what I did. You do though. So the sooner you tell me what’s wrong the sooner things can go back to normal.”

“What do you mean by normal Kaeya? If anything this is more normal. Not that things have changed that much. I’m sorry I don’t deliver your books first, if that’s what you’re complaining about. But frankly, I don’t see what you’re so upset about? You’ve got plenty of other friends, so why are you complaining to me?”

Maybe it wasn’t your best use of logic, but your ability to circle around the focus of the conversation, the unspoken emotions that still burned through you, was somewhat lacking.

“This is not normal. I’m not talking about library books, I’m talking about friends. Or maybe avoidance. You’ve been avoiding me lately, even if you aren’t doing it completely. It wounds me, you know. My dearest companion, what did I do to earn their ire?”

“You did nothing.”

“That’s obviously a lie.”

“It’s not.”

“It is,” Kaeya voice was clipped, matching your same tone. Even now he was shifting himself to better fit the atmosphere in the room, something you normally valued so deeply.

“It’s not. It’s really not! That’s the problem Kaeya, don’t you see?” Tears that had threated the corners of your eyes were now burning across your vision, as your emotions finally broke through the paltry excuse for a dam you’d been building. “You’ve done nothing, you’ve never done anything. You’re always nice, and flirty, and a bit shameless. And that’s fine! It’s not your fault that you don’t feel like I feel for you. I don’t want to make you feel guilty. You flirt with everyone, and that’s fine. I don’t care! I really don’t. I don’t want to burden you. Still, can’t you just let me feel upset by it? Can’t you just let me give up? Do you know how painful it is not to give up? Why won’t you let me at least do that, but no! Instead you come in here talking about how everything’s different, as if I’ve offended you, or as if you worry would change anything. Of course it won’t! And it shouldn’t! But damn it Kaeya, I just want to be upset!”

By this time Kaeya had closed the space between you two, wrapping his arms around you and running soft, slightly cool, fingers through your hair. You nestled into him, despite yourself. You were so tired and so angry, and right now it didn’t really seem to matter who you cried on as long as you were crying on someone. Letting yourself be carried away by your emotions you let your ragged breathing unleash itself inside the walls of Kaeya’s office.

Eventually you calmed down. Though you expected Kaeya to step away when your breathing evened out, instead he remained there, continuing to run comforting fingers though you hair, his other hand gently cradling your shoulder.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t realize that was the reason.” It was simple, direct. Undeniably Kaeya.

“What else would be the reason,” you grumbled.

“I don’t know. It’s why I asked. Thank you for answering me.”

“You forced me into it.” There was no true venom behind your words. You were sure Kaeya knew that.

“Is there anything you want to tell me?”

“No.”

“Not yet?”

You shook your head. “Not yet.”

“That’s alright. Now’s not the best time anyways, since I ought to look my best. Not that I don’t look amazing already, but I should dress up for an occasion such as that. Still, I hope that eventually you’ll allow yourself to live in a way that doesn’t make you unhappy. Sometimes we can’t do that. This time you can.”

“Maybe.”

“Good. I’ll be waiting for you darling, and you know how impatient I am.”

“What if you have to wait for a long time?” You were feeling quite contrary.

“Then I’ll wait. After all, I’ll have quite the reward for my patience.”

You smiled into Kaeya. Despite yourself, you knew it wouldn’t be that long.

 Xiao

With Xiao, the question was always boundaries. How far is too far? How far is not far enough? It was an endless maze, even if it was a maze you would gladly continue to explore, sure that the light at the end must lead to something truly beautiful. Still, you didn’t exactly need your emotions to come in and complicate something already so difficult to navigate.

At first you tired to ignore, to take a page from the book the yaksha you’d so hopelessly fallen for had written. Yet if was much harder than it ought to be, for loving Xiao seemed to come as naturally as breathing, and no amount of looking for faults seemed to be doing much to change that. After all, everyone has faults, and nothing could change the innate goodness you saw in Xiao, the wonder and light that he carried with him, despite his millennia of hardships.

At first you thought to tell him, to cross that border, find that boundary and test it with all the patience it had taken to test and cross those other boundaries.

“Xiao?”

“Mmm.”

“I, I have something to tell you.”

“What?”

“I, I made you some Almond Tofu!”

Xiao let his eyes widen with characteristic surprise, before leaping down nimbly from his perch to take the dish you brought out from behind your back. You watched as he ate it happily, warmth running through your veins. Nevertheless a part of you cried in frustration, perhaps even pain, for you knew you had failed to do what you had set out to do.

It wasn’t simply that you feared losing Xiao’s friendship, feared losing his respect. It was the boundaries, those invisible lines you were so careful not to step over. Xiao needed those boundaries, you knew he did. Though he had told you very little about his past, what he had told was horrific, and you hardly doubted that Xiao’s survival, his failure to spin into madness, was because of those walls he’d carefully constructed around himself. You wanted him to shed those walls yes, to slowly emerge from the darkness which he held around himself. But you weren’t ready to push him to do so, or not very much at least. It wasn’t truly in your nature to do so anyways.

So you expressed your feelings as best you could, with tofu and flowers and all the kindness you had to offer. When you weren’t working, spending your time sewing for a high-end Liyue shop, you were with Xiao. A part of you assumed that it would be enough, that if you gave Xiao enough of your time and enough of your attention the barriers would magically break down. One day you’d wake up and they’d be gone and you’d be happy, having never pushed things too far.

As nothing truly seemed to change however you grew slowly discouraged. You weren’t really aware of your flagging hopes, not really. It was more that you were busy, you were so busy. Besides, Xiao hadn’t expressed much sadness over losing your company. Perhaps he was secretly relieved, perhaps you had pushed too far at some point and he hadn’t told you. Maybe it was best that you give his boundaries time, and not push it too far.

Even looking back it was hard not to call the logic sound, or at least sound to you. In some ways you and Xiao were cut of the same cloth, and though that brought with it an understanding, it also brought its own set of issues. Neither of you were willing to walk over the line that the other drew, even if you could not see where they had actually drawn it. Even if not doing so was painful, the fear of what pain might come if you did was too great a discouragement.

So you began to slowly fade away, without being entirely aware that you were indeed doing so. You were busy after all, and Xioa was most likely too. He was still a yaksha after all, a being whose life was almost completely disconnected from your own. Surely it wouldn’t be that surprising if his views were similar? Maybe you truly had crossed a line, and that was why he never seemed to enquire after you. Or maybe it was that you hadn’t mattered all that much in the first place.

It was a wet, cold autumn day. You sighed slightly as you unlocked your door, having gotten drenched by protecting a bold of fabric you were bringing home to cut and pin. Letting out a huff, you opened the door and went to take a nap. You must’ve been tired, for it took a few seconds for the screech of surprise to leave you mouth at the sight of the unexpected intruder waiting for you.

“Xiao! You scared me!”

You stared at the yaksha, very much surprised by the sight of him. Your surprise had very little time to register though, being quickly replaced by concern for the storm so clearly gathering in Xiao’s eyes.

“You were gone for so long.”

“I’m sorry Xiao. It’s just been so busy you know, everyone’s preparing for the change in season. Besides…”

“Besides?”

“I didn’t want to bother you. I mean, I know you also have a job, and though I want you to find happiness outside of it, I don’t want to pressure you.”

Xiao’s facial expressions evidently conveyed that he was not impressed. Searching for the right words you let your gaze drift towards the floor. You weren’t sure that you were ever going to be ready for a conversation like this, but certainly not in the state you were now. Still, you owed Xiao some sort of explanation. Of course you did.

“I’m really sorry Xiao. I should have found time for you. It’s completely my fault.”

“That’s not what I want.” Xiao’s tone was gruff, frustrated. You found the frustration mirrored within yourself.

“What do you want?”

“I,” Xiao flushed. “I don’t want you to apologize. I’m not blaming you for anything. You shouldn’t apologize for nothing.”

“Sorry,” you mumbled.

Xiao shook his head. For a moment he just stood there, eyes stormy. Slowly though he reached out to take your hand. You found the act surprisingly comforting. You had missed Xiao’s hands, delicately built, calloused beyond believe. They felt comforting and warm and safe, and you wished you could never let go of them. Drawing strength from that you slowly raised your gaze slightly.

“What do you want, Xiao?”

At first Xiao said nothing. Perhaps he was staring at a line, contemplating whether to cross it. You had half the mind to apologize again, but managed to stop the words from coming out. You knew that it was just a force of habit. Besides, Xiao hadn’t said anything yet. A small spark of hope burned inside you, the hope that something might go well.

There was a gentle tug on your wrist and suddenly you were in Xiao’s arms, his hair gently tickling your nose.

“This,” he mumbled. “I want this.”

For a moment you felt yourself freeze in shock, but soon enough you found yourself melting into his embrace, wrapping your own arms around him. Xiao was warm like a heater, warm beyond that too. It was as if there was something in his soul. Gentle, flickering, it brought you happiness that you never thought you could imagine. You wanted to bask in it forever, it was worth any twists and turns you might have to take to reach it.

“Don’t disappear again.”

“I won’t.”

“I should have come earlier.”

“It’s alright. Hey, Xiao?”

“What?” Xiao’s arms tightened around you slightly. You didn’t want to talk much more either.

“What do you think of me?”

Xiao let out a soft snort. “I thought that was pretty obvious.”

“What?”

“I love you.”

It was more than you could have ever hoped for.

[turtle-steverogers]

i was thinking but do you know the unsent project? it is this website where you can write a message to your first love that you never sent to them. now imagine steve writing one (or multiple) to bucky after he came out of the ice after nat told him about it... yeah

hello hi anon this broke me and it was too perfect not to turn into a ficlet klafjldskjfalskf thank you

-

Unsent Letters

To:

Steve’s fingers freeze over the keyboard, the cursor blinking at him. It feels like it’s taunting him-- teasing him with the burden of choking out a name. What should he even say? The sender is anonymous, but how many people are named Bucky out there? Would anyone even care?

To: Bu

Steve huffs and backspaces, his hands trembling as he curls them into fists. He isn’t sure what provoked Natasha to tell him about this website. It’s a cruel tease to everything he wishes he could say-- wished he could say before Bucky slipped through his fingers. And now his only option is yelling into an abyss. The text box is black and daunting. He turns it yellow. No, too happy. Green. Yes, that’s fine. Bucky’s favorite color was always green.

His gaze wanders away from the screen of his hefty Dell laptop and out the window of his apartment. DC’s low rising buildings span out in front of him. His gut aches; he misses New York already. But he knows being there would only mangle his soul further, seeing his already alien home torn to shreds by literal space whales. He huffs, thinking of Bucky’s comics. His stories came to life after all. Bucky would have probably vibrated out of his skin if he knew there was other life out there.

To: My astronaut

How’s space treating you? It’s treating me pretty badly, if I’m being honest. If only you could see what it’s done to Brooklyn. I think you’d be pretty mad at it if you knew…

Steve hesitates, reading back over what he’s typed. It’s stupid as hell, and he cringes, but he doesn’t backspace. His fingers find the keys again.

I miss you something awful. I don’t think that even encompasses how much I’m hurting without you. I feel so lost right now-- space is much bigger and scarier than you’d think. I know you’d love it. I wish you could see bits of it, but god, I just want to go home. I want you to come home.

Steve freezes again and finds the screen blurry where tears have welled in his eyes. His jaw clenches as he pictures the way Bucky would laugh at him-- teasing him for his dramatics and ruffling his hair. He wishes he could be there now, rolling his eyes and nudging Steve’s shoulder.

“What’re you upsetting yourself for?” He’d say, gently closing the laptop and coaxing Steve into his arms. “I’m right here, pal.”

And if Steve closes his eyes, he can almost feel Bucky’s warmth enveloping him. But he’s not there. He’s dead, and Steve’s a goddamn ghost, drifting through a future that doesn’t know him.

He opens his eyes and stares at the text box, then clicks submit.

The screen loads, and his message is gone, his pain forever documented in the abyss.

-

For someone who fought aliens two weeks after waking up from his impromptu seventy year sleep, Steve’s life is pretty monotonous. He contemplates this unfortunate fact as he stands in front of his toaster, hair sticking up on the back of his head as he nurses a mug of coffee and waits for his toast to pop.

It’s 5:45 in the morning and he tries to remember a time when he didn’t rise this early. Before the war, perhaps. Though, he’s always been a bit of an early bird. His home life was sporadic to put it lightly and he’d learned from an early age that the sooner he was awake, the better it was for everyone. Vigilance is not a new concept for Steve.

He hasn’t always stayed up late, though. That’s certainly new, and he feels this fact viscerally as he catches sight of his reflection in the microwave. There are bags under his eyes that will be gone by mid-morning thanks to the serum. Dermatologists hate him, Natasha says. Steve thinks he’s pretty lucky that the serum more or less equipped him with a built-in anti-aging agent. His father had started balding by thirty.

His toast pops and he starts a little, blinking blearily at the slightly burnt bread as he pulls it out of the toaster with his thumb and forefinger. He spreads on the same raspberry jam and butter that he uses every morning and tries not to think of how bland it tastes in his mouth as he eats it standing at the counter. Another routine.

He tries not to look at last night’s dishes in the sink as he stacks his plate and silverware on top and doesn’t bother sorting out his hair before pulling on his sneakers and slipping out of his apartment. The sun hasn’t quite risen yet, only the beginning tendrils of light sneaking over the low tops of the DC buildings, and Steve vaguely regrets not grabbing a sweatshirt before he left. It’s not quite Summer yet and the mornings could still get pretty cool.

He’s about to take off down the street when he freezes. Natasha is sitting on the steps of his complex, wearing a pair of pink tinted sunglasses and tossing up and down the keys to her car. Steve blinks, rubs his eyes, then blinks again. Nope. She’s still there.

“Nat?”

Natasha looks up at him and smiles. “Hello.”

Steve shifts, uncomfortable. “Hi. You need something? Is there a mission?”

“No,” Natasha says lightly, standing. “You’re not running this morning, though. Come on, I’m taking you to Starbucks.”

“What?”

“Starbucks. You’re going to try it.”

“I don’t want--”

“Steve, you do the same thing every day. Step out of your comfort zone a little.”

Steve frowns, but Natasha’s right-- he really doesn’t ever stray from his routine.

“Fine,” he says, and twenty minutes later, they’re strolling into the nearest Starbucks.

He’s only been in one before, and that was to use the restroom while on a run. He’d bought a water bottle in an attempt to not be rude and use their facilities without giving them any business, but he hadn’t even considered the expansive menu. All the fancy names were too daunting.

They’re just as daunting now as he stares up at the board, heart hammering out of his chest as he’s faced with indecision. Natasha takes one look at his face, and reaches out to squeeze his arm.

“I’ll order something for you,” she says. “What kind of coffee do you like?”

Steve gives her a pained look. “Um… just coffee?”

Natasha quirks a smile and orders him something called a caramel macchiato. He’ll take it, he guesses.

The drink is too damn sweet and sugary and he almost gags. Still, he was always told to finish what he was given, so he drinks the whole thing.

-

To: Mr. Sweet Tooth

You’d fucking love it here. Everything is packed with sugar and sweetness-- enough to make even my teeth rot. I had something called a caramel macchiato today and it tasted like someone took your ma’s caramels and condensed them into a cup. I couldn’t stand it, but I know if you were here, you’d want at least twelve. I hope you’re enjoying all the sweets you can up in space.

Love, Mr. Boring

-

Steve’s fingers are stiff and frozen as he works at the straps of his stealth suit. The tangy taste of saltwater still sits heavy on his tongue, and he clenches his jaw to keep his teeth from chattering too harshly as he finally peels off his suit. It’s not much better, being naked, but at least the wet fabric isn’t clinging to him anymore.

The mission had been pretty straightforward until some alien tech managed to blast the quinjet to kingdom come, and they all free-fell straight into the freezing Atlantic.

Steve had managed to keep it together as they took down the goddamn mad scientist that fucked them over, but now that he’s home and alone, he can feel the adrenaline crashing.

He’s shaking from more than just the cold as he draws himself a warm bath, and he pulls his knees up to his chest, trying to breathe through the panic that wants to engulf his entire being.

He loses time for a bit, and comes back to himself lying in his bed, burrowed under several thick layers. He feels so cold, down to his very soul-- a chill that he can never seem to truly shake, even when he’s warm.

Not for the first time, he wishes Bucky were there to hold him. He slips off to sleep thinking old, comforting thoughts of Bucky rubbing his hands between his own, coaxing his head under his chin to engulf him in that natural warmth of his. He always was a fucking furnace.

But when Steve wakes an hour later, shaking hard enough to move the bed with the force of the nightmare he’d dropped into, Bucky is not there to soothe away the ice.

-

To: JB

im so cold and i cant breathe ever and nothing feels right. I dont know what to do, u were always the problem solver between us and i cant think straight right now and i just want you here please. I cant do this anymore, im so tired please come back. I need you please

-

The Winter Soldier file sits in front of Steve-- a horrifying nightmare wrapped up in a neat brown folder. Residual nausea swirls around in his gut as he comes down from the horrible high of reading through the contents. His hands shake where they grasp the thick paper. His heart clenches hard in his chest.

Bucky is alive. Bucky is alive, and he’s been unmade.

Steve doesn’t know where he is-- if he’s escaped, or if Hydra found him again. It’s been three weeks now since the helicarriers, and he’s only just gotten the courage to sit down and wade through the shit that is Bucky’s reality.

He just hopes he’s safe. God, he hopes.

Sam says he’ll help him look, and Steve needs to know he’s at least out of danger, but he barely knows where to start.

And he’s sorry. He’s so fucking sorry.

Blinking out of his reverie, Steve looks at his laptop. He feels strange and detached as he reaches for it and logs in.

To: Bucky

And yes, that feels right. He should use his name, since he suspects no one has for a long, long time.

I’m so sorry for what happened to you. I’m sorry that you’ve been hurting so quietly for so long. I understand if you’re not ready to come home-- I understand if you never are. I just hope that you know that there will always be a place with me that is safe. I love you so much and I’m here, forever and always.

Love, Steve.

He’s not naive. He knows it would be dangerous to submit that particular message, so he doesn’t. But that’s okay. That one’s just for him-- for them.

-

“Steve? What is the… Unsent Project?”

Steve frowns and pokes his head out of the kitchen. Bucky is sitting on the couch in the living room, using his laptop, because his own is having storage issues.

Bucky looks at him. “It’s one of your saved tabs. What is it?”

And oh, fuck. Steve had forgotten to remove that from his homepage-- it really wasn’t needed anymore. He blushes all the way to his ears.

“Oh, it’s-- nothing. Not anything important--”

But Bucky has already clicked on the tab.

“The Unsent Project,” he reads aloud. “A collection of unsent text messages to… first… loves…”

He trails off as he processes what he’s looking at, and Steve can’t quite read his expression when he looks at him again. His eyebrows are furrowed, and he’s looking at Steve like he’s some sort of kicked puppy. Steve shifts, uncomfortable.

“Were you sending me… messages? While I was dead?”

Steve swallows. “Um…” and now that Bucky says it out loud, it really does sound quite sad. He shrugs. “It’s Natasha’s fault?”

Bucky shakes his head, clicking on the search bar. He starts to type his name, but Steve shakes his head.

“I didn’t use your name.”

“Oh,” Bucky says, then frowns at him again. “What did you use?”

Steve blushes harder, sitting next to Bucky and taking the laptop from him.

“Um…” he hesitates, then types what he was sure he used as his first alias.

My astronaut

The screen buffers and loads, then fifty or so messages pop up. Steve scrolls down-- it doesn’t take long to find his.

They’re both quiet as they read, and Steve cringes. Jeez, he really had been pretty dramatic. Next to him, Bucky makes a hurt noise.

“Oh, honey,” he murmurs, taking the laptop back from Steve. He reads the message again, then once more, and reaches out for Steve. “Aw, I’m here now.”

Steve huffs, embarrassed. “I know,” he says. “That was way back, like, three weeks after I woke up.”

Bucky stills. “You fought aliens three weeks after you woke up?”

“... More like two.”

Bucky hums. “Are there others?”

“Yeah,” Steve says, reaching out to type on Bucky’s lap, because Bucky is holding him now and he’s quite reluctant to move. He thinks for a moment, then types in the next one he remembers.

Mr. Sweet Tooth

Bucky laughs, and Steve finds himself smiling.

“I find this funny,” Bucky says. “Because caramel macchiatos are definitely one of my favorites now.”

Steve laughs, too, and butts his head against Bucky’s shoulder.

“If only I could tell that to myself back then-- he’d be thrilled.”

“I’m sure,” Bucky says. “Any more?”

Steve hesitates, thinking of the one he’d sent after that nightmare-- when he was low and hurting. Incoherent. He isn’t sure he wants Bucky to see that particular side of his soul, but Bucky has been more than generous in letting him in on his pains nowaday, and it’s not like Bucky hasn’t witnessed Steve’s own current nightmares.

He bites his lip and types in JB. That seems to yield a lot more results, and it takes a while for Steve to find the message.

He hides his face in Bucky’s neck as he reads. Bucky’s arms gradually tighten around him, and a moment later, he feels him kiss the top of his head.

“Honey, I hate that you were hurting so bad,” Bucky mutters against his hair.

Steve shrugs. “We both were,” he says, and it’s true. There’s something to be said about the guilt they both feel for not being able to save the other person at their lowest, but life hasn’t been kind to them. The vitriol, Steve thinks, should be directed at the goddamn universe for keeping them apart, not themselves for fucking dying. They’re working on it.

Bucky’s quiet for a long time. “Yeah, I guess you’re right,” he says. “Is that it?”

Steve shakes his head. “But I never sent the last one.”

“Why not?”

“I wrote it after DC.”

He feels Bucky squeeze him again, and he squeezes back.

“Oh.”

“I just-- I wanted you to know that you didn’t have to come home. That I just wanted you to be safe; needed to know you were safe, but it was up to you. I just needed you to know I was here, if you needed me.”

Bucky pulls back then and cups his face, kissing him soundly. Steve’s surprised for only a moment before he’s kissing back.

“I did know that,” Bucky says against his lips. “I needed time-- I was lost-- but the first thing I knew when I remembered who you were was that you were a safe person, because you’d never force me anywhere.”

Steve kisses him again, then pulls him into a hug. “I’m glad you knew that.” It’s warm, where their chests meet, and Bucky is solid beneath him. Real. He isn’t speaking into an abyss anymore.

-

There’s a sticky note on Bucky’s pillow next to his head when he wakes up the next morning. Steve’s side of the bed is already vacant, and he can’t hear him downstairs. He must have already left for a run.

Propping himself on an elbow, Bucky plucks up the sticky note.

To: My Bucky

Thank you for choosing me to be your home, and thank you forever, for being mine.

I love you with everything I have.

Love, your Steve

Bucky smiles, heart light as he folds the notes. He’ll keep that one with him, he thinks. A little bit of home to bring wherever he goes.

-

anyway yeah fslkjflaskjfls i-- ouch. anything to do with letters w these two hurts me immensely

[asstrolo]

astro notes while I wait for my appointment at 7:00 to wrestle with my self-loathing

(These are based off strictly of people i know, and my own placements, things i noticed from people around me like my friends and family, so if something doesn’t add up to your placement that’s ok! They are all based on individual people that happen to have these placements)

****

contrary to popular belief, air moons are not extroverted, like any air placement, they need their space, what they really like is the attention they get from groups of people, they really don’t need nor want to be around that many people, they’re way in their own head to socialize for long periods of time

sixth house stelliums really aren’t lucky in work lol, they don’t really get along with jobs and might have problem finding one that they like even if they are fully capable of it, since these people are so anxious and perfectionist, finding a job that they are sure they like and will be perfectly fine in it’s complicated, they always find flaws, in everything, if they don’t like something they just leave, in the worst cases they stay in an unhappy job because they might think they’re not fit for anything else, perfect doesn’t exist! you’ll never get it, guys!

water risings are as difficult as you might think, these people are more introverted and they have no issue with being on their own, they are very independent people, i think it’s because vulnerability, to some extent, gave them self-assurance, could be painfully self-aware or incredibly self-victimizing; scorpio risings are super well-put together, they always seem to have everything under control, even if they are crumbling down, pisces risings are always a little bit disconnected from their surroundings, sadly, this is why some people just forget they were there in the first place, they can be super quiet, cancer risings are scarier than people think, their emotions are up and down, they can get very defensive one moment and detach completely the next

i personally think all cardinal risings are like this, they go from 0 to a 100 really fast, libra risings go from being polite and friendly to being very cold-hearted and a little bit mean, aries risings go from energetic and enthusiastic to bursting out crying for something they said was no big deal, capricorn risings can go from having a plan, being super ambitious to laying on the floor, thinking of how nothing in this life has any meaning and money is just a fabricated lie capitalism sells you so you would work therefore gaining the right to have a roof under your head, food and clean water

I've read a lot about second house stelliums but I personally haven't met a person with this stellium that is rich per say, they know how to get enough money to sustain their needs and specially things they DON'T need, but these people can become lazy and they might even stop working for a while to relax until they have no more money, it's true that they can get it easily but these people rely too much on comfort, you'll need to be more consistent guys lol

virgo venus are super kind to people and they always try to help them in every way they can, if the person has a fire sun, they might be the kind to do things for you but also tell you everything they did for you lol, if they have a water sun, their love is shown more quietly, they want to show that they care but they might not know how to do it, if they have an earth sun they are exactly what you think, their way to say I love you is correcting your mistakes, helping you grow more mentally than emotionally, that's the ultimate show of affection from them, if they have an air sun, they're not as given in the way of "I'll do the laundry for you" they'll want you to be as independent as you can be, to like your own things, it can seem detached, but for them, help comes from showing you their own experience and help you like that

Lilith in the eight house makes a person unforgettable, i don't really know what it is, but they are completely different from their own group of friends so they stand out, the only person that i know of has this placement is also a seventh house and eight house stellium so that's why people can't forget them probably

it's true, everybody with Mercury dominant in a chart or as a chart ruler (having virgo and gemini rising) are really good at writing, other things also help like mercury-ASC, or mercury and jupiter in air signs, in air houses, but I think those people specifically understand the power that writing has and they can make such beautiful art from it, I'm a little biased because my friend has a virgo rising and all she writes it's very beautiful, it's the mercurial influence!!!1!1!

scorpio stellium people, be careful with the intensity of your emotions, they can harm you if you're too extremist, this is a personal advice, tho, but please, before deciding to have kids be mindful that you can become very possessive towards them, this goes for scorpio/pluto/mars in the fifth house, too! You can become way too attached to your kids that you won't let them breath, be too mean to them or to intimidating can also happen, they can think of you as very authoritarian, so be careful! I've read once that kids are scared of someone with mars in the fifth house when they first meet them, and i have all those placements!

the way virgo women have me in a chokehold i love them so very much, that's it

Paramore's After Laughter is the perfect example to say that capricorns use the worst things and feelings in their life to do something beautiful with that, they use bad things to make them into something pretty, but, not in like a positivity way lol, it's in a very deceitful way, almost like tricking you to believe that, even if what they're feeling or what happened was awful, they're still happy and positive, is like "yes this is toxic positivity, i know, and i want you to be worried of how much I can't open up so I'll have to fake it" because god forbids a cardinal sign being weak in any way shape or form, i could talk about this thing they do for hours!!! it's so interesting

aries venus 🤝 scorpio venus

being perfect for each other somehow

*****

That's it now you can leave 🤠👍🏻

[saurexhas]

Love is Blind - Part 1

So I’ve been hanging out with @studionovella​ and the team for @nightmare-castle​, and the sheer talent in their discord server is so amazing. It led me to be inspired, and while I’m typically more of a Sanscest writer, I figured that it’d be fun to try something new considering the source of my inspiration! So have some Nightmare x MC (Nightmare x Reader).

Be warned, this story handles blindness and... probably some other sensitive topics considering it’s me. So just watch the tags for any relevant triggers!

*******************************************************************************************

You didn’t think that it was possible, but somehow you had fallen for Nightmare. On the surface he was cold, cruel, and calculating, using everyone he could to advance his goals. But if you could tolerate the coldness, get past his clinical treatment of those he believed were beneath him, then there was so much more to him. Nightmare was a scholar, a brilliant mind with a vision for a world all his own. He appreciated the arts, often enjoying his downtime with a good book and a calming cup of tea. And believe it or not, there was a small part of him that genuinely cared for the skeletons under his charge. You’ve seen that side of him more than most, managing to open even his eye to what was hidden beneath the centuries of anger and hatred.

Even if negativity was still a large part of who he was, you found yourself able to accept that darkness, because it only made the small lights within him shine brighter. Just like the stars the two of you were gazing at. Though as your gaze shifted to the skeleton currently dominating your thoughts, you found that piercing cyan eye of his locked onto you instead of the sky. If there was ever any doubt in your mind that your feelings were reciprocated, one look at his gaze would sweep it all away. There was a tenderness to him, reserved only for you as he would say. It was only in these moments where the two of you were alone that he would let his imposing demeanor slide.

Getting moments to yourselves was easier said than done though. Despite the sheer size of the castle, the others always seemed to be around. They knew how Nightmare favoured you, how he treated you special and wasn’t as harsh. You were pretty sure that they’d managed to piece everything together on their own, even if none of them ever said anything for fear of angering their king. That said, some of them, namely Killer, seemed to delight in getting in the way of your fleeting moments alone. And there was always no shortage of work to be done, not when your partner was as ambitious as he was. Nightmare aimed to create an empire, and you were doing what you could to further his goals. Even if all that work and Killer’s interference left you and Nightmare fleeing to other worlds in order to have some semblance of a relationship.

Outertale was a favourite destination of yours, the beauty of the cosmos always taking your breath away. It always seemed so far removed from the chaos of the multiverse, or the chaos of the castle.The peace and quiet out here made it perfect for when both you and your partner just needed a break. You could stand out here for hours, watching the subtle shifts in the sky or mapping constellations.

But for now, you were seemingly locked in a staring contest with the lord of darkness, neither willing to look away or break the silence that had fallen. Unsure of what to do, you simply reached out with your finger and booped the tip of his nose. The look of utter surprise on his face left you giggling, only for his own rich laughter to mingle with yours.

“You dare to lay a hand on the God of Negativity, hmm?” He teased, pulling you close with his tentacles before wrapping his arms around your waist. “You are either very brave or very foolish… maybe a bit of both. How shall I deal with your crime, my little moon?”

You couldn’t help but swoon a bit at the pet name he called you, grinning up at him like a fool as you took advantage of the close proximity to snuggle close. “I could swear my love to you, would that appease the great Nightmare?”

“Perhaps,” he chuckled, the distance closing between the two of you even further as he ducked his head down to be level with your own. Nightmare opened his mouth, perhaps to say something else or to move in for the kiss you were anticipating. Before either option could happen though, the dark skeleton froze for a split second. There wasn’t even time to ask what was wrong before you found yourself hefted into his arms, the two of you dodging a volley of bright blue arrows that had speared where you’d been moments ago.

Your heart hammered in your throat, adrenaline pumping through your veins as you tried to get a grip on what was happening. Nightmare still had you cradled to his chest, dodging arrows and… was that paint? Following the paint’s trajectory, you could see your partner’s enemies had managed to crash your little date.

The Star Sanses stood on the other end of the floating chunk of rock you were on, the portal they’d used to arrive closing behind them. Blue was just coming through the portal, his gaster blaster hammer in his grip. Dream had another arrow ready to fire, though he hesitated upon seeing you staring back at him. Ink on the other hand wasted no time in splattering more of his paints everywhere, a tentacle raising to block you from the oncoming attack. The paint hissed and fizzled on contact, a growl leaving Nightmare as he jumped to another nearby rock to escape the barrage.

“Night, are you okay?!” You look up to see him trying to hide his pain, showing you that those paints are far more than something to be smeared on a piece of paper. While you’d heard stories from the others about the chaotic creator, you’d never met him in person or seen him fight. Seeing that paint flying towards you was way scarier than the guys’ stories had led you to believe.

“I’ll be fine,” Nightmare insisted as he set you down, even if you knew that attack hurt. “Look, you need to remain here where you’ll be safe. I don’t care what kind of training you’ve been partaking in with the others; I refuse to let you endanger yourself by fighting them. Ink especially is dangerous, keep away from him at all costs. If you cannot dodge his attacks, make sure to shield your face. His paint can burn like acid if he wishes, and while liquid negativity protects my body, you have no such defenses. Give me your word that you will remain safe while I deal with these pests.”

As much as you wanted to argue that you could help, even you couldn’t muster the confidence to speak against him with such a stern glare directed at you. It was clear that Nightmare wouldn’t take no for an answer on this one, so you had no choice but to nod your head meekly. “I-I’ll stay here,” you promised, glancing up to see him seemingly satisfied. Without another word, he rushed off, preventing Blue from getting any closer with his large hammer.

Watching Nightmare take on all three of the Star Sanses by himself was both awe-inspiring and terrifying, much like the first times you’d joined sparring sessions with the guys. But there wasn’t the assurance in the back of your mind that nobody would be out to kill you. While it might not be the goals of all of the Stars, there was very much mortal danger in this fight for both you and the one you loved. Staying on the sidelines like this was painful, leaving you feeling useless as Nightmare struggled to hold off the onslaught.

Were they not essentially your enemies, you’d be impressed by the coordination and teamwork the Stars possessed. All three of them were capable of both melee and ranged attacks, and wordlessly organized themselves so that one of their own was never in danger of being hit by their own attacks. Dream’s precision with his arrows allowed him to stay primarily a ranged fighter, while Blue’s blasters and Ink’s attacks were a bit too widespread to risk while one of them fought in close combat. Nightmare was the only one without a specific ranged attack, which probably explained why the others rarely got close to attack. Your lover’s tentacles gave him reach though, and the ability to hit multiple targets at once, so he was somehow able to hold his own against all three.

The battle looked to be a stalemate… until one of the Stars suddenly switched tactics. While Blue rushed in with a hammer and bones at his side, Ink actually turned his back on the fight. He seemed a little lost, like he was trying to remember something, only for his eyes to light up as he locked gazes with you. Instant panic seized you as the one skeleton that Nightmare warned you about came straight for you, manic glee plastered over his face as he quickly crossed the distance between the two of you. A glance back at the battle proved that Nightmare had seen what was going on, but Blue was keeping him from coming to your aid. So it was up to you to think fast and avoid the creator, hope bubbling in you that this might actually make things easier. If you could keep Ink busy by dodging his attacks, then Nightmare might be able to take on the remaining two with better success before coming after Ink.

With this admittedly crazy plan in your head, you began a game of cat and mouse with Ink, jumping from one place to the next. If you didn’t have a splash-happy maniac chasing you, it would’ve been cool to enjoy the low gravity of Outertale. For now though, it was all that was allowing you to escape most of the attacks directed at you. You were far from unscathed though, small splashes of paint eating away at your arms and legs. It burned, but was nothing you couldn’t deal with as you continued to dodge and weave the bulk of the attacks. So long as none of it touched your face, you would be fine.

Glancing back at the main battle going on, your hopes of Nightmare doing better against two targets instead of three were steadily being crushed. He seemed distracted, constantly looking up to watch you kite Ink around the area. Instead of focusing on the two he had to deal with, he was so worried about you and Ink that he was now losing. It wouldn’t be so bad if he was facing off against Ink and Blue, because there was little the two could do beyond superficial damage. Dream on the other hand was still very much a threat, his arrows of pure positivity being about the only thing that could seriously hurt. And you could see several piercing the ground, coated in the black negativity that Nightmare relied on for protection. It was a surefire way to see when he’d been hit, and the staggering amount of these soiled arrows made it clear that your partner wasn’t holding his own anymore. Guilt welled up in you, because you were the reason he was now losing this fight. While there wasn’t much you could honestly do to shake Ink from your trail, reason did little to quell the negativity rising inside you. All you could hope for was that your own despair could give Nightmare just a bit more power, enough to keep himself safe at least.

As time dragged on, both you and Nightmare were running out of stamina. Your legs cried for rest as you continued to run away from the creator, while your lover’s movements were growing noticeably sluggish. More arrows seemed to connect than not at this point, and he had barely any time to recover from one attack before dealing with another. The two of you were badly losing, and it was quite clear now why Nightmare rarely let anyone from the castle venture out on their own.

The Stars seemed to sense this sudden weakness in their target, Dream finally stopping his barrage to call out to the one going after you. “Ink! Stop playing around, I need your help!” Help? What help could Ink possibly be? Even his corrosive paints couldn’t breach the surface of Nightmare’s negativity, the only thing that could was Dream’s… oh… oh no.

As the realization hit you, Ink finally gave up his pursuit. “Woo! Looks like my plan actually worked… at least I think this was my plan. Whatever, let’s do this!” Laughing at some untold joke, Ink hopped away from you to return to the large rock that most of the battle had been on. At the same moment though, you felt your legs moving as the horrific reality of their plan hit you. Ink purposefully went after you to distract Nightmare, allowing the others to weaken him enough so that their special attack would hit. The creator might not be able to damage the surface, but if Dream’s arrow ripped through first, then there’d be a narrow window where Nightmare’s greatest defense would be gone. In a single spot he’d be vulnerable, which is why they needed to slow him down enough to ensure their hit would work.

You weren’t going to let that happen. Promise be damned, your soul was screaming at you to protect the one you loved, and you were going to heed its call. The ache in your legs went completely ignored, adrenaline pushing you forward with more speed than you thought you could muster. You needed to be faster though; Ink was already there, and Blue had set about corralling Nightmare to keep him still.

Only a few floating chunks of rock were between you and your beloved now, but you still weren’t fast enough. Panic rose once again as you watched Dream draw back his bowstring, the arrow glimmering faintly in the surrounding darkness. Ink stood ready beside him, the paint coating his brush a dangerous shade of red. That same paint had left such horrible burns along your limbs, and you could only imagine the damage it might do to the weakened god of negativity. With Blue running interference and drawing Nightmare’s attention, it was only a matter of time now.

As your feet touched down on the large space rock, several feet from everyone else, you knew that you were out of time. Nightmare was too absorbed in his fight to hear your warning calls, and it would only alert the two and likely cause them to reset before trying again. This attack would only work once though, because once Nightmare knew of their plan, he wouldn’t let it work a second time. That meant that you had one chance to stop them, especially when you saw that Dream was aiming towards his twin’s soul.

Courage and determination welled within your soul, driving you forward despite the risk you were running straight into. Any number of things could go seriously wrong, but… you couldn’t risk them killing him. Nightmare was the bane of the multiverse to many, but he was everything to you. Gritting your teeth, you timed your steps so that you’d only enter Dream’s field of vision after he fired, preventing them from stopping you and trying again. The second he saw you, the god of positivity’s expression changed from one of grim determination to one of shock and horror, his hand reaching out as if he could stop his attack or stop you. His hesitance once again wasn’t present in Ink, the creator wasting no time in flinging the red paint directly after the arrow.

With mere seconds to spare, your outstretched hands made contact with the cool goop that covered Nightmare’s body. All of your momentum and might went into a push, knocking the deity away from the incoming attack. Your lover turned back to look at you the second you made contact, his eye conveying the same shock and horror as Dream’s had when he saw you. All you could do was smile, knowing that you’d managed to save him no matter what danger you’d put yourself in. Nightmare reached out for you just as the arrow whizzed past, its trajectory leaving it slicing past your eyes. Pain bloomed as the minor cuts scratched the outsides of your eyes, but it was nothing compared to what came next. You’d been so concerned about the arrow that you temporarily forgot about Ink. His attack followed as per the Stars’ plan, splattering over the both of you with its acidic effect. The scratches to your eyes had left you temporarily blind, so you weren’t able to see that red paint as it splashed all over your face. The last thing you saw was instead Nightmare, reaching out to you as if to save you from this pain.

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[rachaelswrites]

Not Them

Jennifer Jareau x Daughter!reader

Word Count: 2,046

Requested By: Anonymous

if you’re okay with writing angst i was thinking that maybe jareau!reader gets into an argument with her parents and later her, henry and michael all get kidnapped and the reader takes all of the torture to protect her brothers. they find them but the reader is dying and they don’t know if she is gonna make it. you can end it however you want! love your writing! :)

A/N: Takes place around season 14/15 so reader is about 16/17

Warnings: Kidnappings, mentions of torture/injuries (nothing graphic), and hospitals

It wasn’t often that you disagreed with your parents. Your whole family got along and fights were rare in the Jareau-LaMontange household, but tonight was different. Luckily, Henry and Michael were already asleep when you decided to piss your mom off. It was no one’s fault really. What started as a small argument changed directions drastically. All it took was a particular word for you to mumble under your breath for your mom to snap. 

JJ had been having a rough week at work and all she wanted was to go into the weekend without worrying about work and just spend time with her husband and kids. Even if you said the rudest thing, she would never raise her voice, only using the voice she used on unsubs. It was scarier than her yelling but tonight, she couldn’t handle it. 

“Y/n I don’t understand why you’re being like this! What happened to the girl I raised.”

“I’m still here mom!,” you yelled back, “You just haven’t realized because you always have your face shoved in a work file or spending time with the boys!”

“I do make time for you,” JJ said, a little calmer than before, “We went out to dinner last weekend. Just you and me. Was that not enough?”

“Really? You think three hours of your time makes up for all the days I spent worrying about you getting home? All the holidays you missed? All the milestones? I thought you were smarter than that. Profilers are supposed to be smart,” the insult was childish, but it did the trick. 

JJ stood up from the bed and looked you dead in the eyes, “Y/n. I have done so much more than you think I have. Whether you know it or not I have had to sacrifice things for this family. My job saves people and sometimes I have to leave. But you have no right to say something like this.”

You stared back at her, not giving up, “I have every right to be mad at you and your stupid job. You don’t get to control my feelings like that.” 

“I’m your mom. I know what’s best for you and this anger isn’t it,” JJ argued back. 

“How dare you pull that on me,” you didn’t want to hear anymore so you turned and walked towards the door. 

“You know, I wish you weren’t acting this way. I enjoyed the old Y/n better,” she said, just loud enough for you to hear. 

“Well,” you turned back to face her, “I’ll just go back to being the helpless little seven year old who couldn’t speak for herself,” you spun back around and pushed past Will, who had come upstairs at hearing things escalate. JJ and Will heard your door slam shut before either of them spoke. 

“I was too harsh on her wasn’t I? God I feel awful now,” JJ ran her hand through her hair and sat on the edge of the bed, “I should apologize.”

“Give her time first. She needs to cool down as well,” Will said, “You two can apologize to each other in the morning.” 

Morning came earlier than anyone in the house wanted. At five, both Will and JJ had gotten called into work on the same case, which meant it was bad. 

“I can’t go and tell her and we can’t just leave a note,” JJ said, “If I wake her up this early, she’ll either ignore me or punch me,” she took a sip of her coffee before grabbing her jacket. 

“I’ll go do it,” Will went back upstairs and into your room, “Y/n?” he waited for your response. 

You rolled over and faced the door, “What?” you said harshly. 

“I’m letting you know me and your mom have to go in.”

“Of course. Duty calls I guess,” you rolled back over and closed your eyes.

“You know JJ is sorry right?”

“I really don’t care. You can go now, I know your jobs are important. Go,” you said angrily. 

“Y/n,” he realized he wouldn’t get anywhere with you at this moment, “Goodbye. We’ll keep you updated,” he closed the door and went back downstairs, getting his things and heading out the door. 

Even though it was a Saturday, you still woke up early. The boys always slept in on the weekends so you had the house to yourself for a few more hours. Once Henry and Michael woke up, you made sure they ate and were distracted for a while. Eventually, Michael was getting tired of being inside and wanted to go to the park. One of JJ and Will’s rules was that if they were both gone, you weren’t allowed to leave the house with both boys. You always thought this rule was stupid but you still never broke it, until today. You were mad at both of them and figured you were in enough trouble already. 

You couldn’t leave Henry at home by himself so he went along. At the park, you watched both your brothers make friends with the other kids and chase each other around. You noticed a man watching them closer than the other kids and he kept glancing at you. You kept a closer eye on them until the man disappeared from your vision, You hoped he left but you felt his presence behind you. 

“You’re a bit young to be their mom. Don’t you think?” he asked. He was standing directly behind you where you were sitting on a bench. You ignored him and kept your focus on Henry and Michael. The man laughed quietly to himself, “I know you Y/n. I know your mom, your dad and your brothers,” the man pulled out a knife and held the blade to your back, “Call them over and no one gets hurt.”

You knew you shouldn’t have complied but you were scared. Not scared for you, but for the boys. You called them over and the man forced all of you into the back of his car. He blindfolded all three of you before driving off. 

You tried to remember how long the drive was and what turns he took but it was more difficult than it seemed. You were never good at remembering things, especially in times of stress. The man led all of you into a building and took his time tying you and your brothers into chairs. He removed the blindfolds and tossed them aside, pulling out another knife, much larger and sharper than the one before.

~~~~~

JJ had kept checking her phone, hoping to see a text or call from you. Spencer could tell something was going on with her. 

“Is everything okay?” he asked, sitting in the chair next to her.

“Yeah it’s just, me and Y/n got in a huge fight last night and I haven’t heard from her since. I know she’s mad but I just want to hear from her.”

“Have you called her? Maybe she’ll answer,” he suggested. 

“Will called her an hour ago and she didn’t pick up,” she responded, “I’m sure she’ll call when she’s ready.”

~~~~~

“Please don’t hurt them. They’re too young, just hurt me,” you were trying to plead with this creep. His knife was placed too close to Henry for your liking,”I know people like you. You don’t care who you torture, just the why. Take me and leave them alone. Please. 

The man seemed to think about your offer before untying you and pulling you to your feet, “I’ll spare them, only because you asked nicely.”

Hours later, you looked like a different person. You were covered in dark bruises and fresh cuts, deep and shallow, littered your body. The pain was unbearable but you couldn’t imagine the damage that would’ve been done to your brothers. Your main goal was to protect them at all costs, since you broke a rule and now you were all here. Maybe if you stayed at home, nothing bad would’ve happened. 

“I have to say, you lasted longer than I thought,” he pushed you to the floor and you gathered all your remaining strength to pull yourself to the chair you sat in earlier. 

“Are you okay?” Henry asked. You looked over and nodded, wincing quietly at the pain. You glanced over at Michael, who hadn’t said a word, but who had been crying silently since the man dragged you from the room. 

The man cleared his throat and you looked his way. He slid a cell phone on the floor to your feet, “Call your parents. Maybe they’ll get here in time to save you,” the man turned and left the building, seemingly leaving the crime scene. 

You picked up the phone and dialed JJ’s number. 

~~~~~

Finally, the sound of JJ’s phone ringing echoed through the room. She quickly pulled it out but saw it was a random number. She declined the call, wanting to keep the line clear in case you called. The number called again, so she answered, “Hello?”

“Mom? P-please hurry,” your voice was almost a whisper. 

“Y/n? What’s wrong? Are you okay? Tell me what’s happening,” no one on the team had heard JJ’s voice this worried before. 

“Please hurry. I-I don’t know how much time I have left.”

“Stay on the phone for me, Bug. Please,” JJ didn’t even have to tell anyone before they were working on a trace, “I need you to stay on the line so we can find you. Can you do that?”

“No,” you said, terror was laced in your voice. You could feel the life slowly slipping as it was getting harder to breath, “It hurts Mommy. I’m tired.” 

“I know it hurts and I know you’re tired but you have to stay awake. I’m coming to get you. You’ll be okay,” JJ’s voice was cracking with every word. She couldn't bear the thought that she had to listen to her child dying slowly over the phone, “Are the boys with you?” she didn’t hear an answer and the line was too quiet, “Y/n? Y/n answer me? Y/n!”

~~~~~

Once the team traced your call, they wasted no time in getting there. Agents rushed in, followed by medics and JJ then Will. Both Henry and Michael were physically unharmed. JJ was more worried about you, your chest still rising and falling but just barely. She sat on the floor next to you, holding your hand and trying to talk to you. 

“Come on please. Please, please, please just wake up. Just open your eyes for me,” JJ squeezed your hand tightly, hoping to get you awake. You always hated it when someone squeezed your hand too tightly. It always elicited a response, but not this time. 

The medics were able to get you on a stretcher and into an ambulance. JJ went with you while Will took the boys in another car.

You were rushed into surgery as soon as you arrived at the hospital. Your cuts made you lose blood and the medics confirmed you had a serious head injury. All JJ could do was pace back and forth in the waiting room. She kept her space from everyone, needing time to process that the last time she saw her daughter, they were fighting. JJ couldn’t live with herself if that was the last thing that happened between you two. After hours that felt like days, you were out of the O.R. and in the ICU. The doctors didn’t know when, or if, you would wake up. 

Weeks had gone by since the last time you were awake. Weeks of days and nights spent cramped in the small hospital room and weeks of gifts given by various members of the team, until you finally opened your eyes. JJ had never left your side so when she felt a slight squeeze to her hand, and met with your open eyes, she nearly fainted in relief.

Even after you woke up, you had to spend almost another full month in the hospital. Most of that time was spent with your mom and you squeezed together in the twin sized hospital bed. Since she almost lost you once, she didn’t want to risk losing you again. 

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[bastillewolf]

It’s More About Looks Than Skill (X)

Pairing: Ryuk/Reader

Summary: Ryuk finds himself gaining feelings for Light Yagami’s best friend, but she doesn’t know he exists. When he makes the grave mistake of touching her, he makes things a lot more complicated.

Notes: New year new chapter, but let’s hope I update more frequently than that now lol. Please leave me a kick in the ass so I stop procrastinating, thanks! And also big thank you to the immense support. Love you guys <3

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Chapter X

She really couldn’t help herself. What sane person wouldn’t start screaming the second they hopped onto a Shinigami’s back and started flying? She clung onto Ryuk’s neck for dear life, her legs wrapped around his middle while his wings flapped them higher and higher until they’d reached a thick level of fluffy clouds with the dark sky above them. There, the wings stopped flapping, and she found herself gliding through the air, her hair being pulled back by the gentle breeze. She realized how harshly she was squeezing Ryuk, and quickly loosened her grip to a point that she was still comfortable she wouldn’t be able to accidentally let go.

“I’m sorry,” she murmured in his ear. It was actually very beautiful, now that she took a good look around her. Below the white, she could see all sorts of lights from the city flickering through, as if they were mirroring the stars above.

“I can take it. I just wasn’t expecting you to scream, is all,” Ryuk replied gently, “I thought you wanted to fly?”

“Y-Yes, I did. It’s just… a lot scarier than it looks. I don’t have wings, so rationally if I let go I would definitely not survive. I think even L could confirm that with percentages and a graph.”

“Rationally I would catch you. I’m heavier, I fall faster than you. You would be saved before you could say ‘Shinigami’.”

She chuckled, “Rationally I wouldn’t count on that. Maybe I don’t trust you. Rationally.”

He turned his head slightly, but she was still unable to see his facial expression from her position on his back. However, it became rather apparent through the sad note in his voice when he spoke. “You don’t trust me?”

She quickly shook her head, “No, I’m sorry Ryuk, that’s not what I meant. I mean that I should rationally not count on you catching me if I fall. I made the decision to hop on your back, thus it is my responsibility to take responsibility for my actions and face the consequences. If I fall, it would be my mistake.”

“Even if it were, I’d still catch you. I’d always catch you.”

She felt a sense of ease wash over her, along with a tingle in her stomach, but she wasn’t quite sure what that meant. She smiled, resting her head on his shoulder, and breathing in a waft of fresh air that dragged along a hint of Light’s cologne. “How come you’re never this nice to Light?”

Ryuk chuckled dryly. “Because he’s not you.”

He felt a blush coat his cheeks when he felt her hands running along the feathers of his wings in a slow, gentle manner. She kept doing this until they’d landed, and then proceeded to latch onto his hand after they’d landed in the back of an alleyway.

Even if you do not actually possess the Death Note, the effect will be the same if you recognize the person and his/her name to place in the blank.

Ryuk was in love. There, he could finally say it. He’d been on a date and now he could say he was in love. He was slightly hunched over so the girl could hold his hand without people noticing at her side, but not for one second did he feel an ache in his back. All he could think about was the way she’d clung onto him, how she’d touched him, how sweet she’d sounded muttering nothings in his ear while she stroked his feathers. Affection wasn’t something that came naturally to him, Shinigami’s never really deemed such thing necessary. Yet with her, he seemed to want to keep her hand in his forever.

Unfortunately, fate seemed to have other plans for him, because she was the one who dropped it like a ton of bricks, along with his heart. Then he noticed the reason for her sudden shift, and it was standing in front of Light’s house. She lightly tugged on the chain that was stuck to the other death note he was carrying and kept her fingers wound tightly around it, but he didn’t mind. If she wanted to take his Death Note, she could go right ahead and do it. That’s how happy he was.

Until he met the bleak pale-yellow eyes of the tall creature hovering above the blonde stranger in front of them.

 ***

“Okay, Ryuk, we need to have a little talk,” Light started. They’d just been at the hotel, where they’d found out the second Kira was willing to do everything Light wanted them to do. They were supposed to set up a meeting place and Light wanted to prepare. She knew a round of questioning was about to begin, so she plopped down onto his bed in an instant.

Ryuk sighed, “Should’ve known.”

“And I’d appreciate an answer if you could,” Light added. “If two Shinigami happened to meet in the human world, are they allowed to speak to each other?”

“Hard to say,” the Shinigami replied. “As long as I’m attached to a human, I’d say it’s against the rules unless I had their permission first. But there are no laws against it either, so I guess it’s possible that another Shinigami might talk to me.”

“So, does that mean that if this fake Kira’s Shinigami were to see you, there’s a chance he might mention the fact that you’re with me and reveal that I’m Kira?”

“They probably wouldn’t, but it depends on their personality.”

“And if this kind of situation did arise I can assume you’ll act the way you normally do?”

“Yeah,” Ryuk said, “Even if I see another human with a Shinigami I’m not gonna tell you.”

“Well, I definitely think you’ve got the right approach.”

“Humph, thanks.”

 ***

“Oops,” he couldn’t help but curse under his breath, recalling the conversation he’d had with Light. He didn’t recognize the Shinigami before them, but if they wanted to, they could directly link Ryuk to the girl that was latching onto him. They might think she was the real Kira.

Though the latest message had already revealed Light’s stunt in the city with the group of people surrounding Ryuk had been a failure and he had been discovered to the fake Kira, there would be no good explanation for him to be hanging around this human.

Luckily for him, the other Shinigami remained deathly silent, until the girl at her side turned.

“Oh, hello there!” she said.

She blinked in response. “Uh… I- Uh… Aren’t you that girl from TV?”

The blonde giggled profusely, suddenly walking up to her as casual as could be. “Yes, I’m Misa, nice to meet you! Do you want an autograph?”

She scratched the back of her head awkwardly, “Uh, no, I think I’m good. Were you looking for Light?”

“Eh?” Ryuk vocalized. He didn’t expect her to be so blunt about it. But then again, he realized, Light had most likely already been discovered. He just didn’t know how she detected that this was the second Kira without being able to see the second Shinigami floating only a few feet away.

“Oh, I was. Are you friends with him?” Misa’s head turned, but her eyes held a sudden blank expression as if her mind were calculating a proper physical response once she’d gotten answers.

“Yeah, for like, my entire life. How do you know him?”

“Oh… I just, I found the notebook he left in class. Then I looked him up online and I thought his resume was very… impressive. I just really wanted to meet him, he seems like such an intelligent guy.”

Ryuk heard the other Shinigami audibly sigh.

“Well, why don’t I introduce the two of you then? I’m sure he’s still up at this hour, and I was just on my way to see him now.”

“S-Sure!” Misa replied hesitantly.

She wished Light’s sister, Sayu, could’ve at the very least toned down her excitement a bit when she met Misa, but alas, she was in awe, as well as the girl’s mother. Light eventually came trotting down the stairs behind them, his neutral facial expression continuing to withstand even as he saw the strange scene before him. He managed to shoo his family members away and closed the front door behind him. She could’ve sworn she hadn’t heard crickets chirping before that.

“Uhm, pleased to meet you,” Misa started, sinking to her knees in a bow, “I’m Misa Amane.” She then glanced at you, and back at Light again.

Ryuk chuckled until he heard the other God of Death say, “Misa, the girl is being followed by another Shinigami. I doubt she isn’t aware of it.”

Misa made a noise of understanding, before looking at the odd placement of your hand which was still wrapped around Ryuk’s chain. “I thought you might get worried if you saw that message on TV. I just couldn’t take it anymore so I brought… this notebook.” She held out an identical copy of his Death Note in front of Light, and Ryuk heard the girl next to him audibly groan. Of course, the girl had no issue showing something like that out in the open. It was like she had no idea.

Light touched it, yet he made no sound. “Does she know? About all of it?” Misa questioned, directedly pointing her gaze at his best friend. Light nodded, so she was allowed to touch it as well. She very much tried, but unfortunately, her poker face wasn’t as good as Light’s, so she ended up with her mouth slightly agape. Ryuk lifted a finger to close it.

They decided it would be best to move the conversation inside, so they did, and Light had cautiously locked his bedroom door behind them after making sure his mother and sister thought this was just a nice drop-by from his (girl)friend.

“Have a seat.”

As Misa sat in Light’s desk chair, his best friend scooted onto the mattress behind him with Ryuk towering over them at the bedside. Her Shinigami, a pale skeleton with yellow eyes and purple hair and what appeared to be vampiric teeth, stood guard behind Misa.

“How did you find me?” Light decided to ask.

She answered with a gasp, “I knew it! You never made the Shinigami-eye deal. When you have the Shinigami-eyes like I do, you can see most people’s name and lifespan just by looking at them. However, you can’t see the lifespan of any person who possesses a Death Note.”

Light glanced over at Ryuk, looking for an explanation, but Ryuk seemed just as shocked. “No kidding! I have to admit, even I wasn’t aware of that little detail.”

“Well, now you’ve managed to find me, but you were careless; what if you’d been caught by the police? Then they’d know everything about Kira!”

“It’s all right,” Misa said, “Because the police didn’t catch me and if I do as you say from now on, they’ll never be able to. So we’re safe. After all, don’t you need someone to see L’s name? If you want, I could be your eyes. So…”

“Yeah? So what?”

“-Would you please make me your girlfriend?”

Both Ryuk and the girl behind him burst out laughing, but he decidedly ignored them. He then proceeded to question her about her strategy in the city, as well as the evidence she could’ve left behind. She ended up even offering her Death Note to him, and while she’d still be the rightful owner, Light would be in control of it, and she of her Shinigami-eyes.

“-And if I become a burden to you, you can just kill me, okay?” Misa said pleadingly.

“But you might’ve removed several pages from your Death Note, you could be hiding them somewhere for all I know!”

“Why are you so suspicious of me?” she cried out, getting up from the chair and stomping her foot on the floor, “I already told you, I don’t care even if all you do is use me! Please believe me!”

“Why are you so willing to give up your life for him?” (Y/N) asked, and Light had to admit, that was the question he’d been building towards this entire time.

“Oh, I wouldn’t expect you to understand-“ Misa spat.

“Hey,” Light barked, “If you want to show your loyalty, how about you start being nicer to the only person I’ve trusted with my secret so far and has kept it?”

“How can you be so sure you can trust her?! I bet she’s only in it so she can take it from you after you’re dead, so she can become the new Kira!”

“How dare you!” (Y/N) snarled warningly, but Misa was already launching herself at the girl.

Light hadn’t quite seen that coming. Thankfully, Ryuk had. He took the blonde girl by her arm and lifted her until her feet didn’t touch the floor anymore and she’d let out a startled scream. He noticed the other Shinigami wanted to step in already, but Light was faster. “Misa, if you and I were to work together, I need to know you can make rational decisions without letting your emotions get the better of you. Can you do that?”

She didn’t really look at him, so he decided to repeat himself, this time a bit more convincingly, “If you were to be my girlfriend, I need to know if you can tolerate being around my best friend.”

At this, she lit up, and Ryuk was quick to let go of her.

When she’d finally left, the girl he’d just been on a date with was now slung around his neck, having climbed on top of the bed to be able to reach him. His large hands grasped her sides, and his smile had grown even wider.

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