#i think it was the guy who sent me the quest pro in the first place and he is super nice | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

violetsystems · 2 years

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#personal

I swear I read this story years ago about a synth guy who was interviewed about the Berlin Wall when it finally came down. He said he had been in his basement for years just making music. He had complained that society was so bad that he had no choice but to pay bills, hole up and not be seen. Of course, I sometimes wonder if this was from a dream or some random ChatGPT log. I've been too busy to spend the day researching if it were true. I've sent one or two resumes off a day lately. I woke up to another rejection letter from Universal although like L'Oreal they keep your resume on file. I feel like I've been wandering around in the dark trying to leave this walled garden of a basement. And I start feeling it's just a waste of time to worry. I just completed that Dream On quest line in Cyberpunk after a few saves and reloads. You discover a politician and his wife are being rewired when they sleep in their apartment. Secret walls and surveillance. She even forgets the color of the flowers in a picture of their wedding when you talk about it. When V flags down the Maelstrom surveillance van and jacks in, he gets an ominous warning from some artificial intelligence. Don't cross their red lines. It was all a dream as far they were concerned and you weren't to interfere. I don't think the game really lets you go too deep in that quest line if only for a flashback at the end of the game. But it all does take my mind off the constant detective work trying to figure out why people more than just ignore me. I don't think I want to know the real answer to that one. And for all the Columbo work over the years I've done pro bono, I have figured out that I'm a lot like that guy I probably dreamed about. The environment around me is proud and indignant. Everybody assumes we're all in this together but nobody talks to anyone or acknowledges I exist. I've grown used to a special kind of friendship online when it comes to communication. Real hardcore detective work there. But I don't really think anyone reads or looks at my blog other than a few people. The only investigation going on is how my birthday happens in one week or so and nobody really cares.

That could be my fault holing up in this dungeon hiding from people. Or am I being hidden? I don't actively hide from much. Except maybe drunk people trying to get me to drink. I'm a very forward person. So is Columbo and he both amused and annoyed people with his mission. Everything after the first season kind of goes off the rails. But it's always Columbo on his same shit. Same coat. Same wife. I think he wears that coat as a strategic ploy to disguise his body language. Which is a joke because you can read the guy all over when he gets frustrated or nervous. He has no poker face to speak of. But maybe that is his ultimate trick. He is always acting thoughtful and nice. But underneath that coat you can tell that guy always solves a case no matter how easy he is to read. But I do wonder what would have happened if he just stayed in his basement playing acid keyboard to Herbie Hancock live performances on Youtube. He does end up in a jazz club tracking a suspect trumpeter named "Bill Riffkin." Each season of Columbo is a descent into Hollywood acting class hell. Bill has a history of domestic violence in which he accents to Columbo behind a bar by violently shaking his trumpet like a strangler. So much so he gets let go from the orchestra he auditioned for. A hard turn from the Supreme Court's decision to enable gun ownership for domestic abusers. It was s simpler time maybe back then. And as far as nostalgia goes, I never really grew up watching Columbo or anything. It was a little before my time. So it has this ambient nature from the other room of filling up the space with talking more so than NPR talking about war, poverty or things nobody wants an invisible person to change. Just like that synth guy, nobody has visited me other than my parents for a minute. People I thought were my friends were only here to take my money. And once you start understanding that you have finally carved out some peace and quiet for yourself you start to refine it. I pass the time sending out resumes not gossiping about other musicians. I do actually learn how to play jazz keyboard but only session with Bennie Maupin. The universal music group rejection letter was worded pleasantly enough. It said something about thanking me for wanting to share my love of music. But I don't think most people understand what love is when it comes to me as an individual. Not after all these years on this planet. I'm not exactly young. But people don't treat me like I'm old unless it's to make fun of me. In fact, I think most people fear aging so much that they're jealous I haven't gone too far downhill. Columbo looks pretty young for being old. Or at least he carries himself in a charismatic enough way to be seen as lovable. People out here project their insecurities so much, you can't really hide underneath a jacket.

Kolchak hides under a hat. Rather, he's defined by it. Made fun of for it. And constantly not believed for twenty episodes of one season. I remember seeing it on reruns and being obsessed with the voodoo storyline. The coolest thing about Kolchak is that it is a very Chicago show. And if you know about Chicago being founded by a Haitian, it kind of skirts the radical inclusive social justice tight ass perspective in modern times. Kolchak's world isn't very much different from modern Chicago. In fact, I see Chicago regressing into a car wreck of both the fifties, sixties and seventies. That's the only generations that people listen to out here. The rest don't give a fuck about the future or are battling out their insecurities. The night stalker is out there looking for the real dirt. And each episode he finds it in a sort of proto x-files sort of way. All the while, coming in contact with the gritty and corrupt nature of Chicago which is more scary than the supernatural guest stars per show. The effects are hilariously bad but the villains have a dream like quality to them. Are they for real? Is Kolchak just daydreaming his tabloid writing in a flashback or did that shit really happen? Jack the Ripper makes an appearance in the first episode as some weird silent mime jumping over construction sites, dodging police bullets and murdering indiscriminately. Kolchak gleefully and clumsily dodges his way out of everything. And every episode he gets in his quips outside of a writer's union in an office that I've passed a millions times on the elevated train on my way to the loop. He's out there in a very real and sensationalist way. But most people simply write him off as a loon. Every episode starts with him whistling alone in the newsroom. He's so fucking full of himself discovering every mystery nobody wants to admit. He's bathed in the loneliness of that newsroom in the early morning light. Just as the tune picks up on his confidence, the soundtrack kicks in to accompany him with a minor stabs and thrusts. Kolchak and Columbo aren't afraid to confront things. They aren't afraid to ask questions. To look dumb. To put themselves out there and fail. And then there's the guy who is sitting in his basement playing keyboard all day. Knowing it's all just one big meat market. Kolchak and Columbo aren't really solving any problems. Other than murders. Those already happened. At the end of a Columbo episode. Somebody gets caught. At the end of the Kolchak episode, nobody really believes him. But it was a good read. At the end of these blog entries, I'm just letting you know I'm still me. Neither a television character, a good actor, or a person with a resume than anyone is interested in. I'm getting pretty good at playing keyboard with Herbie Hancock though. Also pretty good at realizing there's nothing left for me to do but wait. <3 Tim

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kookie-doughs · 4 years

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Y/N L/N AND THE HALFBLOODS

Percy Jackson X Reader -Y/N L/N met Percy Jackson and everything was now ruined.

CHAPTER 8: I Really Hate Water

The next few days I settled into a routine that felt almost normal, if you don't count the fact that I was getting lessons from satyrs, nymphs, and a centaur. Each morning I took Ancient Greek from Annabeth and sometimes Luke, and we talked about the gods and goddesses in the present tense, which was kind of weird. I discovered Annabeth was right about my dyslexia: Ancient Greek wasn't that hard for me to read. At least, no harder than English. After a couple of mornings, I could stumble through a few lines of Homer without too much headache. The rest of the day, I'd rotate through outdoor activities, looking for something I was good at. I had struck around with Percy the whole time unless it was dinner time or night where I spent with Luke. Chiron tried to teach Percy and I archery, and we found out pretty quick he wasn't any good with a bow and arrow. He didn't complain, even when he had to desnag a stray arrow out of his tail. It was hilarious. While I on the other hand, could compete against Merida and Hawkeye with wining in favor of me. Foot racing? He sucked. The wood-nymph instructors and I left him in the dust. I told him not to worry about it. They'd had centuries of practice running away from lovesick gods. But I guess, it was a little humiliating to be slower than a tree. And wrestling? Forget it. Every time he got on the mat, Clarisse would pulverize him. Luckily I took some martial arts class back then and stood some chance against her. "There's more where that came from, punk," she'd mumble. The only thing he really excelled at was canoeing, and that wasn't the kind of heroic skill people expected to see from the kid who had beaten the Minotaur I guess. But hey, He's better at canoeing than me. I don't even know how I drowned all the time. Percy had to save me a couple of times. I knew the senior campers and counselors were watching us, trying to decide who our Olympian parent was, but they weren't having an easy time of it. I was as strong as the Ares kids, or as good at archery as the Apollo kids. I have Hephaestus's skill with metalwork, luckily I didn't have Dionysus's way with vine plants. Luke told me Percy might be a child of Hermes, a kind of jack-of-all-trades, master of none. But I got the feeling he was just trying to make him feel better. He really didn't know what to make of me either. Despite all that, I liked camp. I got used to the morning fog over the beach, the smell of hot strawberry fields in the afternoon, even the weird noises of monsters in the woods at night. I would eat dinner with cabin eleven, scrape part of my meal into the fire, and try to feel some connection to my real parent. Nothing came. I tried not to think too much about my mom and dad, but I kept wondering: if gods and monsters were real, if all this magical stuff was possible, surely there was some way to save them, to bring them back.... Even D/N would do...

I started to understand Luke's bitterness and how he seemed to resent his father, Hermes. So okay, maybe gods had important things to do. But couldn't they call once in a while, or thunder, or something? Dionysus could make Diet Coke appear out of thin air. Why couldn't my parent, whoever they were, make a phone appear? Thursday afternoon, three days after we'd arrived at Camp Half-Blood, I had my first sword-fighting lesson. Everybody from cabin eleven gathered in the big circular arena, where Luke would be our instructor. We started with basic stabbing and slashing, using some straw-stuffed dummies in Greek armor. I did okay. At least, I understood what I was supposed to do and my reflexes were good. The problem was, I couldn't find a blade that felt right in my hands. Either they were too heavy, or too light, or too long. Luke tried his best to fix me up, but he agreed that none of the practice blades seemed to work for me. We moved on to dueling in pairs. Luke announced he would be Percy's partner, since this was his first time. And then my turn after his, so I had to train with another kid from the cabin. "Good luck," one of the campers told us. "Luke's the best swordsman in the last three hundred years." "Maybe he'll go easy on me," Percy said. The camper snorted. By the time he called a break, I was soaked in sweat. Everybody swarmed the drinks cooler. Luke poured ice water on his head, which looked like such a good idea. I turned to talk to Percy and he had done the same. "Okay, everybody circle up!" Luke ordered. "If Percy doesn't mind, I want to give you a little demo." I wanted to try going against Luke as well. I wasn't confident with my skills. The Hermes guys gathered around. They were suppressing smiles. I figured they'd been in his shoes before and couldn't wait to see how Luke used Percy for a punching bag. He told everybody he was going to demonstrate a disarming technique: how to twist the enemy's blade with the flat of your own sword so that he had no choice but to drop his weapon. "This is difficult," he stressed. "I've had it used against me. No laughing at Percy, now. Most swordsmen have to work years to master this technique." He demonstrated the move on me in slow motion. Sure enough, the sword clattered out of his hand. "Now in real time," he said, after Percy had retrieved his weapon. "We keep sparring until one of us pulls it off. Ready, Percy?" He nodded, and Luke came after him. After a while of clashing, Percy tried the disarming maneuver. His blade hit the base of Luke's and he twisted. Clang. Luke's sword rattled against the stones. The tip of Percy's blade was an inch from his undefended chest. The other campers were silent. He lowered his sword. "Um, sorry." For a moment, Luke was too stunned to speak. I had a huge grin on my face. I had no idea why, but I was proud. I was so close on giving him an encore and all that. "Sorry?" Luke's scarred face broke into a grin. "By the gods, Percy, why are you sorry? Show me that again!" I didn't want to. The short burst of manic energy had completely abandoned me. But Luke insisted. This time, there was no contest. The moment our swords connected, Luke hit my hilt and sent my weapon skidding across the floor. After a long pause, somebody in the audience said, "Beginner's luck?" Luke wiped the sweat off his brow. He appraised at me with an entirely new interest. "Maybe," he said. "But I wonder what Percy could do with a balanced sword... ." My time with Luke wasn't as amazing as Percy's was but I wasn't that bad. Friday afternoon, I was sitting with Grover and Percy at the lake, resting from a near-death experience on the climbing wall. Grover had scampered to the top like a mountain goat, but the lava had almost gotten me. Percy and I's shirts had smoking holes in it. The hairs had been singed off our forearms. We sat on the pier, watching the naiads do underwater basket-weaving, I was resting my back on Percy's since I felt like any moment they'd drown me. Percy then ask Grover how his conversation had gone with Mr. D. His face turned a sickly shade of yellow. "Fine," he said. "Just great." "So your career's still on track?" He glanced at me nervously. "Chiron t-told you I want a searcher's license?" "Well... no." I had no idea what a searcher's license was, but it didn't seem like the right time to ask. "He just said you had big plans, you know... and that you needed credit for completing a keeper's assignment. So did you get it?" Percy said. Grover looked down at the naiads. "Mr. D suspended judgment. He said I hadn't failed or succeeded with you yet, so our fates were still tied together. If you got a quest and I went along to protect you, and we both came back alive, then maybe he'd consider the job complete." "Well, that's not so bad, right?" "Blaa-ha-ha! He might as well have transferred me to stable-cleaning duty. The chances of you getting a quest... and even if you did, why would you want me along?" "Of course I'd want you along!" Grover stared glumly into the water. "Basket-weaving... Must be nice to have a useful skill." I tried to reassure him that he had lots of talents, but that just made him look more miserable. Percy and him talked about canoeing and swordplay for a while, then debated the pros and cons of the different gods. Finally, I asked him about the four empty cabins. "Number eight, the silver one, belongs to Artemis," he said. "She vowed to be a maiden forever. So of course, no kids. The cabin is, you know, honorary. If she didn't have one, she'd be mad." "Yeah, okay. But the other three, the ones at the end. Are those the Big Three?" Grover tensed. We were getting close to a touchy subject. "No. One of them, number two, is Hera's," he said. "That's another honorary thing. She's the goddess of marriage, so of course she wouldn't go around having affairs with mortals. That's her husband's job. When we say the Big Three, we mean the three powerful brothers, the sons of Kronos." "Zeus, Poseidon, Hades." "Right. You know. After the great battle with the Titans, they took over the world from their dad and drew lots to decide who got what." "Zeus got the sky," I remembered. "Poseidon the sea, Hades the Underworld." "Uh-huh." "But Hades doesn't have a cabin here." "No. He doesn't have a throne on Olympus, either. He sort of does his own thing down in the Underworld. If he did have a cabin here..." Grover shuddered. "Well, it wouldn't be pleasant. Let's leave it at that." "Why though? What would children of Hades do then? How would they fend themselves?" "I-I don't know... Its not my idea not adding Hades!" He shrieked as if he was at fault and felt guilty. "But Zeus and Poseidon—they both had, like, a bazillion kids in the myths. Why are their cabins empty?" Percy changed the subject. Grover shifted his hooves uncomfortably. "About sixty years ago, after World War II, the Big Three agreed they wouldn't sire any more heroes. Their children were just too powerful. They were affecting the course of human events too much, causing too much carnage. World War II, you know, that was basically a fight between the sons of Zeus and Poseidon on one side, and the sons of Hades on the other. The winning side, Zeus and Poseidon, made Hades swear an oath with them: no more affairs with mortal women. They all swore on the River Styx." Thunder boomed.. . . . . .. I said, "That's the most serious oath you can make." Grover nodded. "And the brothers kept their word—no kids?" Grover's face darkened. "Seventeen years ago, Zeus fell off the wagon. There was this TV starlet with a big fluffy eighties hairdo—he just couldn't help himself. When their child was born, a little girl named Thalia... well, the River Styx is serious about promises. Zeus himself got off easy because he's immortal, but he brought a terrible fate on his daughter." "But that isn't fair.' It wasn't the little girl's fault." Grover hesitated. "Percy, children of the Big Three have powers greater than other half-bloods. They have a strong aura, a scent that attracts monsters. When Hades found out about the girl, he wasn't too happy about Zeus breaking his oath. Hades let the worst monsters out of Tartarus to torment Thalia. A satyr was assigned to be her keeper when she was twelve, but there was nothing he could do. He tried to escort her here with a couple of other half-bloods she'd befriended. They almost made it. They got all the way to the top of that hill." He pointed across the valley, to the pine tree where we'd fought the minotaur. "All three Kindly Ones were after them, along with a horde of hellhounds. They were about to be overrun when Thalia told her satyr to take the other two half-bloods to safety while she held off the monsters. She was wounded and tired, and she didn't want to live like a hunted animal. The satyr didn't want to leave her, but he couldn't change her mind, and he had to protect the others. So Thalia made her final stand alone, at the top of that hill. As she died, Zeus took pity on her. He turned her into that pine tree. Her spirit still helps protect the borders of the valley. That's why the hill is called Half-Blood Hill." I stared at the pine in the distance. The story made me feel hollow, and guilty too. A girl my age had sacrificed herself to save her friends. She had faced a whole army of monsters. "Grover," Percy said, "have heroes really gone on quests to the Underworld?" "Sometimes," he said. "Orpheus. Hercules. Houdini." "And have they ever returned somebody from the dead?" "No. Never. Orpheus came close... . Percy, you're not seriously thinking—" "No," Percy said. "I was just wondering. So... a satyr is always assigned to guard a demigod?" I looked over to him warily. "Not always. We go undercover to a lot of schools. We try to sniff out the half-bloods who have the makings of great heroes. If we find one with a very strong aura, like a child of the Big Three, we alert Chiron. He tries to keep an eye on them, since they could cause really huge problems." "And you found me. Chiron said you thought I might be something special." Grover looked as if I'd just led him into a trap. "I didn't... Oh, listen, don't think like that. If you were—you know—you'd never ever be allowed a quest, and I'd never get my license. You're probably a child of Hermes. Or maybe even one of the minor gods, like Nemesis, the god of revenge. Don't worry, okay?" I got the idea he was reassuring himself more than us. "What about me?" They looked at me. "Chiron said you didn't know I was a half-blood..." "We didn't. When you didn't forget who... Mrs Dodds was. We thought you just saw through the mist. Then when I saw you with Percy that night... and your parents aware of me and the camp. I assumed you were... a half-blood." "How about now? What do I smell like?" He looked at me gingerly then at Percy, "Nothing. You smell too human. Even for a very minor god. That's why there are plenty of satyrs then are confused as to why there's a human here. That night after dinner, there was a lot more excitement than usual. At last, it was time for capture the flag. When the plates were cleared away, the horn sounded and we all stood at our tables. Campers yelled and cheered as Annabeth and two of her siblings ran into the pavilion carrying a silk banner. It was about ten feet long, glistening gray, with a painting of a barn owl above an olive tree. From the opposite side of the pavilion, Clarisse and her buddies ran in with another banner, of identical size, but gaudy red, painted with a bloody spear and a boar's head. I turned to Luke and yelled over the noise, "Those are the flags?" "Yeah." "Ares and Athena always lead the teams?" "Not always," he said. "But often." "So, if another cabin captures one, what do you do— repaint the flag?" He grinned. "You'll see. First we have to get one." "Whose side are we on?" He gave me a sly look, as if he knew something I didn't. "We've made a temporary alliance with Athena. Tonight, we get the flag from Ares. And Percy's going to help." The teams were announced. Athena had made an alliance with Apollo and Hermes, the two biggest cabins. Apparently, privileges had been traded—shower times, chore schedules, the best slots for activities—in order to win support. Ares had allied themselves with everybody else: Dionysus, Demeter, Aphrodite, and Hephaestus. From what I'd seen, Dionysus's kids were actually good athletes, but there were only two of them. Demeter's kids had the edge with nature skills and outdoor stuff but they weren't very aggressive. Aphrodite's sons and daughters I wasn't too worried about. They mostly sat out every activity and checked their reflections in the lake and did their hair and gossiped. Hephaestus's kids weren't pretty, and there were only four of them, but they were big and burly from working in the metal shop all day. They might be a problem. That, of course, left Ares's cabin: a dozen of the biggest, ugliest, meanest kids on Long Island, or anywhere else on the planet. Chiron hammered his hoof on the marble. "Heroes!" he announced. "You know the rules. The creek is the boundary line. The entire forest is fair game. All magic items are allowed. The banner must be prominently displayed, and have no more than two guards. Prisoners may be disarmed, but may not be bound or gagged. No killing or maiming is allowed. I will serve as referee and battlefield medic. Arm yourselves!" He spread his hands, and the tables were suddenly covered with equipment: helmets, bronze swords, spears, oxide shields coated in metal. "Whoa," I said. "We're really supposed to use these?" Luke looked at me and laughed. "Unless you want to get skewered by your friends in cabin five. Here—Chiron thought these would fit. Do you want to be border patrol with Percy or come with me?" I smiled at him, "Tempting offer but I think I'll stay with Percy." "Your lost." He smirked then ruffled my hair. I went over to Percy who was holding a shield was the size of an NBA backboard, with a big caduceus in the middle. Our helmet, like all the helmets on Athena's side, had a blue horsehair plume on top. Ares and their allies had red plumes. "Looking at real good." I laughed. He frowned at me. "Like you look that different." "I am sporting this helmet just fine excuse you." I said picking up a dagger from the table. Annabeth yelled, "Blue team, forward!" We cheered and shook our swords and followed her down the path to the south woods. The red team yelled taunts at us as they headed off toward the north. Percy and I managed to catch up with Annabeth without him tripping over my equipment. "Hey." She kept marching. "So what's the plan?" Percy asked. "Got any magic items you can loan me?" Her hand drifted toward her pocket, as if she were afraid I'd stolen something. "Just watch Clarisse's spear," she said. "You don't want that thing touching you. Otherwise, don't worry. We'll take the banner from Ares. Has Luke given you your job?" "Border patrol, whatever that means." "It's easy. Stand by the creek, keep the reds away. Leave the rest to me. Athena always has a plan." She pushed ahead, leaving me in the dust. "Okay," he mumbled. "Glad you wanted me on your team." "I don't want to be near the creek." I said anxiously. "Maybe I should just go with Luke..." Percy then took my hand. "Since when have I ever let you drown? Don't worry. I'll be there for you." He smiled. With a pout and a worried look I stuck out my pinky said, "Promise me." "I swear I will never let you drown. I will save you with all I can." He swore connecting our pinkies. "Everyone knows pinky promises are better than Styx." We laughed and made our way to our station not letting go of each other's hands. It was a warm, sticky night. The woods were dark, with fireflies popping in and out of view. Annabeth stationed us next to a little creek that gurgled over some rocks, then she and the rest of the team scattered into the trees. The bronze sword, like all the swords I'd tried so far, seemed balanced wrong. The leather grip pulled on my hand like a bowling ball. There was no way anybody would actually attack me, would they? I mean, Olympus had to have liability issues, right? Far away, the horn blew. I heard whoops and yells in the woods, the clanking of metal, kids fighting. A blue-plumed ally from Apollo raced past me like a deer, leaped through the creek, and disappeared into enemy territory. I lied down on the ground. "This is so boring." "Stand up, who knows when an enemy will show up." He scolded pulling me up. "I don't know... I think I'd rather shrivel and die." I shrugged. "Plus I know I got a knight in shining helmet to save me." "I mean yeah of course you do." "Luke's like few meters away after all." I smirked. He turned to me with a frown and a 'not funny' face. Which made me laugh. Then I heard a sound that sent a chill up my spine, a low canine growl, somewhere close by. I stood up and Percy pulled me behind him as he raised his shield instinctively; I had the feeling something was stalking me. Then the growling stopped. I felt the presence retreating. On the other side of the creek, the underbrush exploded. Five Ares warriors came yelling and screaming out of the dark. "Cream the punk!" Clarisse screamed. Her ugly pig eyes glared through the slits of her helmet. She brandished a five-foot-long spear, its barbed metal tip flickering with red light. Her siblings had only the standard-issue bronze swords—not that that made me feel any better. They charged across the stream. There was no help in sight. I could run and leave Percy. Or I could defend myself against half the Ares cabin with no more than 9 inch dagger and Percy Jackson. I managed to sidestep the first kid's swing, but these guys were not as stupid the Minotaur. They surrounded me and Percy, while Clarisse thrust at us with her spear. Percy's shield deflected the point. My hair stood on end. "Electricity. Her stupid spear was electric." Percy groaned and I pulled him back. Another Ares guy slammed me in the chest with the butt of his sword and I hit the dirt. They could've kicked me into jelly, but they were too busy laughing. "Y/N!!" Percy yelled but he had a sword pointed at his throat. "Give her a haircut," Clarisse said. "Grab her hair." I managed to get to my feet. I raised my dagger, but Clarisse slammed it aside with her spear as sparks flew. Now my arm numb. "Oh, wow," Clarisse said. "I'm scared of this guy. Really scared." "The flag is that way, let her go!" Percy told her. "Yeah," one of her siblings said. "But see, we don't care about the flag. We care about a guys who made our cabin look stupid." "You do that without my help," I told them. It probably wasn't the smartest thing to say. Someone took a hold of Percy so the sword was no longer pointed at him. Two of them came at me. I backed up toward the creek, tried to raise arm, but Clarisse was too fast. Her spear stuck me straight in the ribs. If I hadn't been wearing an armored breastplate, I would've been shish-ke-babbed. As it was, the electric point just about shocked my teeth out of my mouth. One of her cabinmates slashed his sword across my arm, leaving a good-size cut. Seeing my own blood made me dizzy—warm and cold at the same time. "No maiming," I managed to say. "Oops," the guy said. "Guess I lost my dessert privilege." "Y/N!! I will kill you all!!" He was thrashing around. "Let her go! She can't swim!!" "It's fun seeing your girlfriend suffer ain't it?" Clarisse laughed. The guy finally pushed me into the creek and I landed with a splash. They all laughed. I figured as soon as they were through being amused, I would die. I was sinking. I couldn't breathe. The water was pulling me for what felt like 10 meters deep. Blood were coming out at every wound I had. I was loosing consciousness. Help me. Please... -With Percy- Clarisse and her cabinmates came into the creek to get you, but you weren't there. "Hey, she's missing?" One of the cabinmate said. "What? It's like 3 meters deep. She's just there." Clarisse scoffed. "I's telling you she's can't swim! Water pulls her down! I will kill you if she doesn't survive!" Percy managed to get power from somewhere and got out of the hold. He knew what to do. I swung the flat of my sword against the first guy's head and knocked his helmet clean off. I hit him so hard I could see his eyes vibrating as he crumpled into the water. Then he jumped down. Hoping to see you somewhere. Muttering your name over and over in hopes to catch you. Save us He heard from his right. When he turned he finally saw you at the bottom. He swam with all could and got a hold of you. To haul you up. Finally surfacing, Percy panted and laid you of the ground. Pumping your chest. When the water finally came out of your mouth. Percy turned to glare at the people. Ugly Number Two and Ugly Number Three came at me. He slammed one in the face with his shield and used his sword to shear off the other guy's horsehair plume. Both of them backed up quick. Ugly Number Four didn't look really anxious to attack, but Clarisse kept coming, the point of her spear crackling with energy. As soon as she thrust, he caught the shaft between the edge of my shield and my sword, and I snapped it like a twig. "Ah!" she screamed. "You idiot! You corpse-breath worm!" She probably would've said worse, but Percy smacked her between the eyes with his sword-butt and sent her stumbling backward out of the creek. -Back to you- Coughing myself awake. Water came out of my mouth. "Percy..." I called. He turned so fast that I was surprised his neck didn't snap. "Y/N!" He ran to me and pulled me in a hug. I couldn't move, I felt tired and weak. "I want to sleep." I could feel my wounds stinging. Cold air hitting it. I felt sore despite barely moving. Then I heard yelling, elated screams, we both turned and I saw Luke racing toward the boundary line with the red team's banner lifted high. He was flanked by a couple of Hermes guys covering his retreat, and a few Apollos behind them, fighting off the Hephaestus kids. The Ares folks got up, and Clarisse muttered a dazed curse. "A trick!" she shouted. "It was a trick." They staggered after Luke, but it was too late. Everybody converged on the creek as Luke ran across into friendly territory. Our side exploded into cheers. The red banner shimmered and turned to silver. The boar and spear were replaced with a huge caduceus, the symbol of cabin eleven. Everybody on the blue team picked up Luke and started carrying him around on their shoulders. Chiron cantered out from the woods and blew the horn. The game was over. We'd won. Percy carried me still with an angry expression and tense body. I wanted to reassure him but I knew it wouldn't work. Luke looked over and saw us. I could see his sudden shift of emotion. He wanted to approach but he was surrounded by every cabin. We then heard Annabeth's voice, right next to us in the creek, said, "Not bad, hero." I wanted to turn to see her but I couldn't. I could barely keep my eyes open. "Where the heck did you learn to fight like that?" she asked. The air shimmered, and she materialized, holding a Yankees baseball cap as if she'd just taken it off her head. She was now in front of us. I felt Percy tense up once more. "You set us up, You put us here because you knew Clarisse would come after me, while you sent Luke around the flank. You had it all figured out." Annabeth shrugged. "I told you. Athena always, always has a plan." "Because of you, Y/N is like this." The venom in his voice were obvious. "I came as fast as I could. I was about to jump in, but..." She shrugged. "You didn't need help." "I didn't. But Y/N did! And what did you do?! She could've died!" Percy was shaking. I could feel it. "Calm..." I managed to whimper. "What's that?" Annabeth pointed at Percy's neck. "A sword cut, obviously." "No. It was a sword cut. Look at it." The blood was gone. Where the huge cut had been, there was a long white scratch, and even that was fading. As I watched, it turned into a small scar, and disappeared. "I—I don't get it," Percy said. Annabeth was thinking hard. I could almost see the gears turning. She looked down at our feet, then at Clarisse's broken spear, and said, "Step out of the water, Percy." "What—" "Just do it." He came out of the creek and immediately I could feel myself better. Percy almost fell over, but I managed to hold him. "I got you." I panted. "Oh, Styx," she cursed. "This is not good. I didn't want... I assumed it would be Zeus... ." Before I could ask what she meant, I heard that canine growl again, but much closer than before. A howl ripped through the forest. The campers' cheering died instantly. Chiron shouted something in Ancient Greek, which I would realize, only later, I had understood perfectly: "Stand ready! My bow!" Annabeth drew her sword. I drew my dagger and pushed Percy behind me. There on the rocks just above us was a black hound the size of a rhino, with lava-red eyes and fangs like daggers. It was looking straight at me. Nobody moved except Annabeth, who yelled, "Percy, Y/N, run!" She tried to step in front of me, but the hound was too fast. It leaped over her—an enormous shadow with teeth—and just as it hit me, I was pushed aside as Percy stumbled backward and its razor-sharp claws ripping through his armor, there was a cascade of thwacking sounds, like forty pieces of paper being ripped one after the other. "Stop that!!" I screamed and somehow managed to grab her. She turned to me sharply and stared me down. As if she was waiting for the perfect opportunity to jump me. It approached me and settled down at my feet, sitting down as if she was an obedient dog. She watched as I catch my breath. From the hounds neck sprouted a cluster of arrows. The monster fell dead at my feet. By some miracle, I was still alive, and wasn't even hurt. I instantly turned to look uat Percy. His chest wet, and I knew it was badly cut. Another second, and the monster would've turned him into a hundred pounds of delicatessen meat. Chiron trotted up next to us, a bow in his hand, his face grim. "Di immortales!" Annabeth said. "That's a hellhound from the Fields of Punishment. They don't... they're not supposed to... How did..." "Someone summoned it," Chiron said. "Someone inside the camp." Luke came over, the banner in his hand forgotten, his moment of glory gone. Clarisse yelled, "It's all Y/N's fault! Y/N summoned it!" "Be quiet, child," Chiron told her. We watched the body of the hellhound melt into shadow, soaking into the ground until it disappeared. "You're wounded," Annabeth told Percy. "Quick, Percy, get in the water." "I'm okay." "No, you're not, Y/N get him to the water," she said. "Chiron, watch this." "No... She doesn't do well in water..." Percy choked. I carefully swung his arm around my shoulders and without thinking twice, I stepped back into the creek, the whole camp gathering around us. Instantly, I felt weak. I could feel the pulling me down. Some of the campers gasped. Percy who could barely stand few minutes ago got a hold of me. I could feel my consciousness loosing once again. "Look, I—I don't know why," Percy said, trying to apologize. "I'm sorry... But I need to get out of here. Y/N---" But they weren't watching Percy's wounds heal. They were staring at something above our head. "Percy," Annabeth said, pointing. "Um..." By the time I looked up, the sign was already fading, but I could still make out the hologram of green light, spinning and gleaming. A three-tipped spear: a trident. "Your father," Annabeth murmured. "This is really not good." "It is determined," Chiron announced. All around us, campers started kneeling, even the Ares cabin, though they didn't look happy about it. "My father?" Percy asked, completely bewildered. "Poseidon," said Chiron. "Earth shaker, Storm bringer, Father of Horses. Hail, Perseus Jackson, Son of the Sea God." Percy looked down at me. I wasn't sure what but I had the feeling it was somewhere along the lines, 'I am the reason you drown every time you step on water.' "You're claimed..." I managed to squeak. Percy stepped out of the water. "Congratulations." I smiled weakly.

Previous | Masterlist | Next

UwU Here's another chapter I am sorry for some holes in the story -kookie-doughs

Taglist?

@gayer-than-the-gayest-gay @the-natureofme @booknerd-3000

#Percy Jackson #Percy Jackson X Reader #Percy Jackson X Y/N #percy jackon and the olympians #pjo #luke castellan #Luke castellan x reader #Y/N L/N #Y/N L/N and the halfbloods #X Reader #Lightning thief #Book 1 #Chapter 8 #Fanfiction #fanfictions

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imgoingtohellsofuckit · 4 years

Text

Cocky Hero pt 4

Hawks x Reader

Warnings - nothing

Summary - The game seems to be going strong

Waking up in the guest bedroom alone was a surprise. You thought somehow Hawks would find himself in the room. But the fact you were waking up about three hours late for work was even more than a surprise. The second your sleepy eyes hit the clock on the wall you jumped from the soft bed and ran out to pull on your dress from last night. You don't have time to change to go home.

"Woah what's got you running around?" Hawks asks as you march into his living room to grab your heels.

"I'm late! Really late," You panic, "I could get fired! I could lose my job and my house!" You can feel you heart racing in fear. "Listen I have to go it's been fun but-"

"It's 8 am," He says, "you never leave before 8."

You look down at your phone to confirm it. Then you sigh loudly in relief.

"Oh my god I almost had a heart attack," You say to him, "the clock in your quest bedroom is wrong. Wow that's one way to wake up." You adjust your purse on your shoulder and look to him and smile lightly. He chuckles lightly. "I should get home tho. I need to get ready."

"Alright," He says.

"Your clothes are in the hamper in your hallway," You tell him, "last night was fun. Thanks for letting me vent to you. And then ask you personal questions."

"I'd never stop people from asking questions," He says.

"Well thanks for answering them," You tell him.

"How do you know if I answered them honestly?" He asks.

"I don't know for sure," You say, "but you just seemed real last night. Like finally I was seeing the tiniest smidge of the guy behind the title." You smile lightly. "Now at the risk of inflating your ego... I think we should hang out like friends more. Even after our game finishes. I like talking to you."

"Yeah I could get behind that," He says, "I like talking to you too."

You chuckle.

"I should get going," You tell him, "see ya around Hawks."

"See ya Y/n."

As you step through the portal into your house you can't help but smile.

You had actual fun last night. With Hawks. And you didn't mess around with him you just hung out. It's kinda crazy but then again he's a good guy. Even if he is a bit in love with himself. You could see yourself being friends with him.

After your shower and getting ready routine you arrive at your office. The first day in a bit where no one is there to harass you. Everyone already is at work. You start to wonder if somehow you actually were late. Or if this was some alternative dimension were you didn't have to lecture the heroes you work for to do what they are supposed to do. Regardless you just sit at your desk and start on your work. You smile lightly as you look over to see the flowers Hawks sent you the other day.

"He's so stupid," You say softly.

"Who is?"

You look back to see Mimic.

"You've been avoiding me," You say glaring lightly at the hero, "why?"

"I was waiting out your wrath," He says, "I thought you'd be more upset about the file but it seems like for once you're okay with me making a mistake."

"I'm distracted," You admit, "don't get used to it."

"I won't," He says, "but I will take advantage of you directing your focus off of me for a bit... So flowers? They are pretty but I never pegged you for the type to get flowers for yourself-"

"Someone gave them to me," You tell him, "Mimic don't you have patrols to do? I seemed to remember you have a morning patrol on the schedule today."

"Right I better get on that," He says, "good luck with your boyfriend Hawks."

You scoff knowing that Kami must be starting something around the office. You roll your eyes before burying yourself back into your work. You should text Hawks. Keep up with the game. So you move lifting your phone up to take a quick selfie. You look at it before you send it. Checking to see if it turned out good. It did. You look hot. So you press send and sit down the phone again.

Hawks was in a meeting with the commission when his phone buzzes against his leg. He sneaks a glance to see who sent it. He sees that its you and smiles lightly. He pulls the phone up and clicks the message to see a picture of you. You look beautiful. Soft skin, gentle features. You hair fixed like it always is. He sees that slightly unbuttoned shirt. The top of your breast exposed. He bites his lip lightly.

"Wow," He says softly.

"What?"

"Nothing," Hawks says shutting his phone off, "sorry what were we talking about."

They continue the meeting. But the second it ends Hawks texts you.

Hawks - You almost got me in trouble :l

Very rude

Y/n - It's a pg pic you pig

Hawks - lol not that

I was in a meeting

Y/n - Am I supposed to say sorry?

I didn't make you check your phone during a meeting

Hawks - :(

ur mean sometimes

Y/n - Sorry

Let me make it up to you

His phone buzzes. The next message isn't a message but a picture. He sees that you have your shirt unbuttoned more revealing your bra. He bites his lip lightly. Wow. You're really trying to rile him up today.

Hawks - Aren't you at work?

Y/n - I stepped off the floor for you

I can unsend it

Hawks - No no

ur good

send more

Y/n - I don't think I will

Hawks - Oh man

:(((

Y/n - Sorry bird boy

Maybe if you ask nicely I'll reconsider

Hawks - Pretty please beautiful

You chuckle lightly. Who would of thought you'd be locking yourself in the bathroom on your lunch break to send Hawk a sneaky pic. Then again you didn't think he'd last this long either. You fix your clothes then look back to the picture. Just your reflection standing in your undergarments. Your finger hovers over to send button. Was this a good idea? I mean if it gets out you could get in trouble for doing this at work. You decide to shove your logic aside and just send it.

Y/n - There~

Hawks opens the pic and groans lightly.

"Fuck," He says softly. You're so perfect. So amazing. A girl like this shouldn't exist. But here she is.

Hawks - You're killing me here

How am I gonna fill out reports now?

Y/n - That's a real shame Hawks

My lunch is in five

Maybe you should stop by

You didn't need to say more. He was already out the door flying towards Impressions building. By the time he got there you were waiting outside for him. The second he stepped towards you, you opened a portal yanking him through it. You both were in your house. You move yanking him back to your room. Pushing him against the bed.

"Oh man you are so hot," He says softly.

You toss aside your shirt and then step out of your skirt.

"I have an hour for lunch," You say, "so you better make this time worth it."

"Oh trust me I will," He says.

~~~

Once you are both cleaned up and dressed his eyes don't leave your frame.

"What?" You ask him.

"This game is fun," He says, "but what happens after?"

"That depends," You tell him, "I mean if you want we can still be friends. Or we can pretend all this didn't happen and go back to our lives. It's up to you."

"There is really an option where we forget about all this?" He asks. You chuckle lightly.

"Well I mean it's not like any of this means anything," You tell him, "the sex, the flirting, the flowers. It's all for the game... Don't get me wrong I'm having fun but it's temporary. One of us will win and then we'll go to do it all again with another poor soul."

"Right yeah of course," He says, "it's just a game."

You smile lightly at him. Then turn back to your mirror as you brush through your hair.

"I have to get back to work," You tell him, "you think you can head out on your own?"

"Yeah sure," He says.

So you leave through one of your portals. Leaving him sitting on your bed. He sighs deciding to move to look in the mirror. Sighing loudly at his reflection.

"What the hell am I doing?" He asks himself, "why am I doing this?" He groans running his hand through his blond hair. His mind is telling him how this game is a bad idea. How for once he might be in danger here. And even if he isn't he doesn't know if he could hurt you. And that whole just forgetting all this and moving on. "I'm thinking too much." He decides to let it go for now. Opting to just let his thoughts melt as he leaves your apartment to head back to work.

"So where did you go for lunch?" Kami asks you.

"My place," You tell her, "I needed to get something so I just ate there."

"Yeah?" She asks, "you didn't meet Hawks?"

"And what if I did?" You ask, "my lunch hour is my hour. I'm allowed to do whatever I want- in legal grounds at least."

"You and Hawks are running around a lot," Kami says, "are you sure this is just for the game?"

"Yeah its just the game," You tell her, "I mean it's a new level. A harder level. Ya know."

"Level?"

"Yeah I mean Hawks isn't some random guy who gets attached too fast he's a player," You explain, "So it's harder than Edgeshot or the interns. It's almost a whole new game. So it takes a bit more work then the other guys."

"Are you even listening to yourself?" Kami asks, "you're talking about him falling in love with you like he's a toy. That's kinda sick."

"He's doing the same thing to me," You point out, "it's consensual. Okay so don't flip out about it. You'll make it into something it's not."

"I guess I just don't get it," Kami says, "I mean if he's the great guy you keep talking about then why play around?"

"What are you suggesting?" You ask her.

"That you and Hawks date," She says plainly. You laugh harshly.

"Yeah uh not gonna happen," You tell her, "not only do I not wanna date I also don't wanna date Hawks. Like ever. Sure he's cute but he's a hot mess and honestly he and I would never work long term like that. Neither of us take anything seriously and well I'd get bored."

"I can't believe you," Kami says, "he's a pro. He's number 2. He's a huge deal and you're just gonna let that slip by?"

"You're making it seem like just because he's a big hero that he meets my standards," You say getting slightly aggravated with her, "I mean again he's nice and he's cute. But he's not my type and I don't like him like that."

"Like what?"

"Like a boyfriend or any thing more than a hookup," You tell her.

"Then how do you like him?"

"Like a hookup or a friend," You say at once, "Kami- I don't want to fight with you about this. I mean you are being ridiculous. Honestly if you want Hawks so bad- take him. I mean it's not like I really care. I just want to win my game."

"Okay so if I went to sleep with Hawks you wouldn't mind?" She asks you at once.

"No I wouldn't care at all," You say, "because he's just a guy I'm sleeping with."

"Then you wouldn't mind giving me his number," She says, "come on he's just a hookup."

"Fine," You say grabbing your phone. You share Hawks contact with her. "Now stop acting so weird and let me get back to work."

"Fine," She says. She moves off to her desk while you just sit down at yours. That was weird. I mean why would you care what Hawks is doing? If he hooks up with someone else fine. If he doesn't. Neat. It's not like you guys are dating. And you only like him as a friend. She's being weird. But thats just like Kami. Thinking she has everything figured out when in reality she knows nothing.

Unknown- Hey Hawks! This is Kami

I work with Y/n

I just wanted to say that you are super cute and we should hang out sometime

Hawks - read

"She gave out my number?" Hawks asks softly, "and to another girl." He doesn't know why that disappoints him so much. Normally he'd be overjoyed. He'd have another girl to hookup with until he got bored. Play his game. Mess with the girls head. But now? He just frankly wants to focus on winning this game with you. He doesn't reply. Instead he just texts you.

Hawks - Me, you, dinner

Y/n - in public?

Hawks - Private table

Y/n - mm

where?

Hawks - That fancy place by yours

Y/n - Are you trying to take me on a date?

Hawks- New approach.

I've learned sleeping with you won't make you fall in love with me

soooo new approach I use my charm

Y/n - ew

Hawks- Did you just say ew to going on a date with me?

What are you 10?

Do you know how many girls would kill to go on a date with me?

Y/n - ask one of them

Hawks - :((((

u make me sad sometimes

ur breaking my heart

How am I supposed to win the game like this

Y/n - are you paying?

Hawks - Of course

Y/n - I'll check my calendar

Hawks - You're not free tonight?

Y/n - No Hawks I'm not

I have a thing

Hawks- What thing??

Y/n - I'm not telling you

Hawks - come on I won't tease

maybe

okay I won't

so spill

Y/n - I have a class

Hawks - what kinda class?

Y/n - Cooking class

Hawks - lol you take a cooking class

Y/n - -_-

"I won't tease" He says

Hawks - sorry its just kinda random

Y/n - well I mean i need to know how to cook to live

plus ya know there is a cute boy in my cooking class

Hawks - :(((

I'm a cute boy you could be hanging out with

Y/n - meh

Hawks - T-T

ur mean

Y/N - : I

Hawks - can I crash your cooking class?

Y/n - stop being so needy

you have a night away from me

maybe use it to fix ur strategy

Hawks - well then can we go to dinner tomorrow?

Y/n - On a friday night?

mmmm

I don't know that's a prime day

Hawks - come onnnnnnn

Y/n - mkay

but i'm getting the most expensive thing on the menu

Hawks - why of course

hows 8 sound

Y/n - works for me

I have to get back to work

Hawks - oh man

don't leave me

Y/n - sorry hot stuff

You put the phone away and move to get back to work. Sighing lightly at the amounts of work that you have to do. Going from talking to one of the most interesting people you've ever known to a bunch of boring work is a hard switch. You keep your focus on the work as best you can. By the time the shift ends you were you pretty much racing to get home.

Hawks- ur cute

Y/n - am I?

Hawks - Yeah

Y/n - thx i guess

Hawks - How is your class going?

Y/n - Haven't left yet

About to

Hawks - what cooking class is it?

maybe I can crash

it'll be fun

Y/n - you'll distract the class

if you come there everyone will talk about you

and well i want them to talk about me

Hawks - ....

fine

Y/n - I'll text you after

You move getting ready for you class. Swapping the work clothes for more casual clothes. Once you get ready you head over to the building for the class. I take my normal table.

"Hey," Haru says looking over at me, "hows your week been?"

"Eventful," You sigh lightly, "and it feels like it's getting longer. What about you?"

"Same - it's very long," He says, "but I'm getting through it. Renege is having a hard time at daycare."

Renege. It's his daughter. He's been raising her on her own since his ex passed away. Haru smiles lightly.

"She'd love to see you again."

If any guy has ever been close to the category of someone You'd be interested in. Haru has always been the closet. He's attractive, he's caring, he's nice to everyone. He's a perfect guy. And he has a super adorable daughter. The two of you clearly are at least attracted to each other. But something has always held you back. Maybe it's the responsibility of dating a single dad. Maybe it's that you aren't as interested in him as you thought.

"I've been busy," You tell him, "the agency and all. How is the office?"

"Well my boss is keeping me late," He says, "thankfully my mom is helping as much as she can. I saw the pictures of you at that Heros gala. You looked really nice."

"Thanks," You say, "the stylist the agency hired were really good. They made a whole thing more fun." He smiles.

"What are those fancy parties like?" He asks.

"I could show you next time," You say smiling light. The offer is empty but its not much of anything. He moves to his plate to start the recipe. He talks again about Renege. Sharing the stories that happened from the last time you saw him. Apparently she's been getting a little feisty with the other kids at day care. Haru says she gets it from her mother. You simply nod. Normally you'd hang onto every word of the story. You'd listen to him excitedly. Laughing lightly at the antics of his daughter.

But today. All you could think about us Hawks. You wonder if he has stories like Haru. Ones that are more domestic and less wild. Slow days. You wonder what Hawks does for fun when he isn't sleeping around. You never got a good look at his place. But from what you saw it was all bro pad.

"You seem distracted," Haru says, "is it cause you're in love with me."

"What?" I ask looking at him carefully.

"I said are you okay?" He asks.

That line was pure Hawks. God can't that bird brat get off your mind for five seconds. You sigh smiling over to Haru.

"Yeah I'm fine," You answer, "it's just work ya know."

"Yeah I get it," He says, "but you should be carefully chopping those vegetables when you're distracted."

"Right," You say carefully.

"Hey listen," He starts, "we should go on another date sometime."

"Yeah?" You ask.

"Yeah," He says, "it's been awhile and I get a break from work soon. I need to relax. I think dinner with you would be amazing."

"I mean- if you'd want to," You say to him, "what do you want to do for the date?"

"Dinner maybe Saturday?" He says.

"Yeah? Alright."

#hawks x reader #hawks bnha #keigo takami #keigo takami x reader #bnha #bnha x reader #mha #mha x reader #my hero academia

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luckdogpuppy · 4 years

Text

Why I Hate Electronics

In the old days we had ms-dos and had to fiddle with config.sys and himem.sys spending endless hours and sleepless nights trying to get the computer to run a program. Computers have come a long way since windows 95 but using them certainly hasn’t gotten any easier. I remember wondering back then why they couldn’t make a computer that actually worked, that actually figured out how to make itself work and work with other programs and devices…after all, it is a computer, isn’t it? No, instead they just get more complicated and mystifying. Now its modems and routers and ethernets and wifi that drive me crazy, and trying to cope with constant buffering when I try to watch Netflix. Who the hell can remember which remote to use to access the right button? And when you do find the right remote to access your tv who can figure out how to get to whatever it is you need to fix? And how many fucking passwords can a person remember? And passwords have to be more complicated every year. I can barely use my phone, flipping from one screen to another with my finger. It seems the only way to get out of certain screens is to shut your phone off and restart it. And nobody tells you this stuff…you have to figure it out on your own. Ever read the Microsoft manual? Who does? Just looking at the pages makes me scream. And even when you go to Youtube they go so fast you have to pause it every two seconds to write that shit down. I have endless sheets of paper in a drawer filled with step-by-step instructions on how to do computer problems. Why? Why can’t computers do these things by themselves? The last time I lost my internet connection I got all excited when I discovered this thing on my computer that told me it would run a diagnostic of my system and troubleshoot it. Wow, that sounded great. When I went there and ran it it said “you have lost your internet connection.”

They say that computers can do everything, but they still haven’t given us a computer that can fix itself or even do something as simple as letting us plug it into a router without having to go through an eleven step process to get the damn thing to work. What pisses me off is that I know they could do this. I can’t even get my two wifi extenders to work. By some miracle I did get them to work for a while but one day they both just shut off and I haven’t been able to get them running since. I can’t get past the step where I’m asked for a password. It says I’m supposed to use the one on the back of the router. Well, what it says on the back of the router is “password: (leave the field blank)”. Except when I am asked for the password it won’t let me leave the field blank. Instead it says “your password is not long enough.” Then I’m told to go to my wifi icon on my taskbar to find out what the password is. But I don’t have a wifi icon on my taskbar. So I go online and find that there are pages on how to find and/or replace the wifi icon on my taskbar, and after going through all five of the different methods of finding and replacing that icon on the taskbar without success I learn that there is no way I’m gonna get that icon to appear on the taskbar because the Windows 10 system that came with my computer doesn’t come with a wifi icon on the taskbar; Microsoft removed that file in the latest version of Windows 10. I learn that I have to buy Windows 10 Pro to get that stupid wifi icon. Are you shitting me?

I finally did find an obscure site that explained a convoluted way to find out what your router and extender passwords were. You have to start with your command prompt to get there…but that didn’t help…surprise, those passwords there didn’t work either. And don’t even ask me how to go back there and look at those passwords again. It took me an hour to figure out how to get to my command prompt from my start menu. Hint: don’t left click like you’re used to doing. When you left click on the Start menu you are presented with a long and very impressive list of places to go, all in alphabetical order, and you would think that the “Command” prompt would be there under the “c” column. But no, there is nothing that says “Command Prompt”. No, you have to right click instead. You’ll find another list of places to go there. But even then there is nothing that says “Command Prompt.” You have to click on “run” for the command prompt to come up. There is a lot of shit you can do through the command prompt but nobody is going to tell you what the secret codes are that will allow you to do those things. It used to be easy to get to the command prompt. All you had to do was click on the “Start” button. But now they’ve decided to make this an hour-long quest to find it. I have all this shit written down on endless sheets of paper in that drawer. Truth be told this electronic world makes me tear my hair out. I hate it with a passion. What pisses me off even more is that I also love it…when it’s working.

I can’t even get my computer to recognize my own email address. I bought a new Dell desktop three years ago and still get a daily message saying that I need to fix a problem with my Microsoft account. So I periodically go through the process and change my password but no matter what I do I still get that stupid message. I even had Microsoft tech reps guide me through the process three times now yet I still get that same old message. And every time I try to access my Microsoft account I’m told “that email address is already used by a different account.” I deleted all my accounts and started over but the message still comes up…the problem remains. I’ve explained all this to those tech reps but nothing keeps that message from coming up. I even signed up for a different email address but that didn’t fix the problem either and now I have an extra “Outlook” email address that I never use and wouldn’t know where it is if I did want to use it. I think the problem started when I bought a new Dell laptop. I had to sign up for a Microsoft account then. But I didn’t care for the laptop and sent it back two days later and ordered the desktop…and now Microsoft still thinks that whoever owns that laptop has the rights to my email address and not me. I explained all this to those Microsoft tech reps but that didn’t solve anything either. Yeah, this stuff bothers me. I’m the kind of guy who doesn’t like loose ends. I like things to be neat and tidy and feel like everything is in its place. But this computer stuff feels all scattered and disconnected and just fucked up. I know it’s working on my mind even when I’m not struggling with it.

In order to fix my Netflix buffering problem (and my wife’s need to have internet access for her work-at-home job) I bought a new router. I’ve had the same old cheap router for 6 years so I figure its time for a new one. I did just buy a 40 ft ethernet cable that I plugged into the back of the router and ran it along the ceiling down the hall and into the back of the tv in the living room, but we’re still having problems with “Home not available” still coming up at times. I actually bought a new router last year; an Archer A7. But I was never able to get it to work so I had to send it back, thinking it must have been defective. I realize now that it probably worked just fine and that the problem was me…that I couldn’t figure out how to get it to work. Then I had a helluva time trying to get the old one up and running again. Did you ever feel that your brain was on fire and ready to burst? That was how I felt after struggling with those two routers for 3 days. So my new router came last week and it turns out it’s the same model; the same one I tried to set up and sent back last year. I thought it was a different one because it was called a Tp-link, but its actually an Archer A7 too. On the box it says it’s a AC 1900 and on the instruction sheet it also says it’s a MU-MIMO Wi-Fi Router, so just figuring out what these things are called is a science in itself. So now I’m frightened to death to even try to set it up. The first thing the instructions say is “if this” and “if that”…as if I know the answers to these ifs. There is also a long list of FAQs in case you have problems and need help. That scares the shit out of me, too, cause I know I’m gonna need help…and lots of it. Then it gives me three different methods of setting the thing up, all of them quite convoluted and requiring me to access various internet sites, SSIDs and wireless passwords. Then I have to go to a number url: 192.188.1.1 and I remember that this is where I had to go to get my extenders to work but I was never able to get those urls to come up. Then I found out that they only come up if you use Google Chrome, and of course there is nothing in the instructions that tells you you can only use Google Chrome. No, you have to find that out on your own too. So now I have to change my browser and come up with another password so I can access Google Chrome. I am so afraid that I will not be able to complete these steps correctly and that I will then have to struggle another two days to get my old router to work again that the new router is still sitting on a shelf two weeks later. I’m thinking that I should go to Best Buy and have the Geek Squad come and set up my router but I know I’ll have to listen to them explain their convoluted tech plan that will ask me to decide whether to get a one visit deal or buy a year subscription…and I know one visit will not fix all my loose ends. And it makes me wonder if that is the reason why computers intentionally aren’t made to fix things.

Oh, by the way, I’m sitting here writing all this down with my Microsoft Word, and now I find that I am unable to save what I’ve written because I don’t have a subscription to Word any more. I guess my free time is over. God, don’t you love it? You can’t even buy a computer with a simple word processor in it without having to pay a yearly fee to use it. Next thing you know somebody will figure out how to put a chip under your skin that measures how many breaths you take so they can charge you for the air you breathe.

Dear Lord, if reincarnation is real please let me go to a world that is either before computers or way beyond computers. Or better yet, where computers and routers and extenders actually use a computer so they can work together.

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calligraphist-artemisia · 5 years

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Quid Pro Quo

Summary: While everyone's healing after their first fight against Haggar's super powered Mech, Coran brings up the perfect way for them to relax and pass the time: a fun game of Monsters & Mana! While Shiro argues the value of (once again) playing a paladin, Keith goes for a more unexpected role.

Also posted on Archive of our Own - under the username Kishirokitsune

Quid Pro Quo

Quid pro quo - a favor or advantage granted or expected in return for something.

The aftermath of their battle against the Komar Mech found the paladins of Voltron in a rough state. While the lions protected them from harm to the best of their ability, there were still injuries and each of them had spent two long weeks confined to their beds in the med-bay so they would have proper time to heal from their ordeal. And even after that, they were released under the condition that they take it easy for another week.

After being active for so long, it was hard for any of them to patiently sit around and do nothing, especially when there was so much that needed done.

It was Coran who came up with a solution to their boredom.

He rounded up everyone and giddily took them down to the common room, where he had commandeered a round table for their use. There was a hand-drawn, gridded map spread across the surface, a handful of dice, and a set of five familiar figures.

“You save the game pieces?” Lance asked, sounding delighted. He swooped in and picked up the model of Pike, cradling it in his hands.

Allura smiled as she stepped up next to him, reaching for Valayun. “This is brilliant, Coran! But are you sure you have time for this? You and Shiro are perfectly able to go out and help with reconstruction.”

“Sam said that if he sees me working for the next twenty-four hours he's going to tie me down and make sure I get some rest,” Shiro said. “This sounds like the better choice.”

Pidge snorted in amusement, but didn't comment on it. She looked delighted to hold her figure of Meklavar once again.

Only Hunk looked a little concern, though it was quickly revealed that it wasn't over the game itself. “But Keith didn't play with us last time and he doesn't have a model.”

Coran twirled his mustache, a twinkle in his blue eyes. “Don't you worry about that, my young friend! I found a machine here that prints models in 3D and have already made new ones for our adventure today. They will all be revealed when the time is right. Now sit! And we shall resume our journey through the magical realm of Aurita!”

It didn't take them too long to get settled in around the table. Coran chose a spot at the top of the map, with Keith and Shiro to his left and right. Pidge was on the other side of Keith, followed by Hunk, then Lance, and finally Allura, bringing the circle back to Shiro. Each of them picked up a game pad and found their character, reviewing theirs stats and refreshing their memory of how the game worked.

“Before we begin, does anyone want to create a new character?” Coran asked, looking pointedly at Shiro.

Shiro crossed his arms over his chest. “I'm happy playing as Gyro. I don't see what I'd want to change characters.”

The other paladins – minus Keith – groaned in exasperation.

Coran hummed as he booted up his game pad. “I thought you might want a backup in case anything...unfortunate should happen?”

There was a moment of silence in which Keith looked up from his game pad to raise an eyebrow. When no one chose to elaborate on that, he went back to creating his own character, wondering what he'd gotten himself into.

“Coran, is something going to happen to Gyro?” Shiro asked.

“Only the dice know,” Coran replied mysteriously.

Shiro sighed as he selected the character creation screen. “I don't understand what you have against me playing as a paladin. I like being a paladin.”

“Can we make a rule that he can't make another one?” Lance asked.

“Now, now, far be it for me to stymie Shiro's creativity. If he wants to rewrite his backstory so that there is a third brother, then that's up to him,” Coran said. “Let's see... we've had Shiro and Gyro. What shall be the third brother's name? Hiro?”

“I hate all of you except for Keith,” Shiro said, prodding at his screen.

Coran gave them all a few more minutes while he searched for the storyline he wanted to use. It was bound to be a fun one, especially after his talk with Keith the day before. He had been sure that the others would be interested in another quest, but Keith hadn't been part of the original game and he wanted to include the current Black Paladin in their fun.

As it turned out, Keith had an interesting idea, and Coran had the perfect plot to go along with it.

He glanced up, smiling softly as he watched Allura lean over to Lance to ask him about something. Hunk appeared to be mumbling spells under his breath and then checking his game pad to make sure he got them right. Keith had his pad turned so Pidge couldn't sneak a peak at what he was doing, no matter how hard she tried.

It warmed Coran's heart to see them all having fun after everything they had been through.

He cleared his throat to get their attention and begin the game. “Tales of your miraculous defeat of the mighty and powerful wizard known as Dakin have spread far and wide across Aurita. Townspeople rejoice wherever you go and you no longer want for food and drink. Today we begin in the wilds of the Mysterious Forest, on a quest for a king of a distant land. It appears his daughter, Princess Mora, has been kidnapped and it is up to you all to save her!”

“A princess?” Lance's eyes lit up.

Hunk groaned. “Oh no... Coran, does it have to be a princess?”

“Yeah, can't we rescue a handsome prince instead? It doesn't always have to be a damsel in distress,” Pidge complained.

“But rescuing a princess is a staple of all classic stories! C'mon, guys, don't take this from me!” Lance begged.

Allura rolled her eyes.

Coran looked at them peevishly for interrupting his storytelling. “Are you going to let me continue, or would you like to run this campaign on your own?”

No one spoke again.

“As I was saying...”

If not for the haunting sounds of wildlife, the Mysterious Forest would be a beautiful place to explore. Trees towered overhead, their branches reaching out to cast shade over the ground, while still allowing in enough light for the underbrush to thrive. A single main path, comprised of dirt compacted under heavy travel, wound through the forest.

A sheer mountainside rose to the right of the path. It looked as though the rock had been carved away some time ago, though by what, no one knew.

Valayun led the way down the path, her bow knocked in preparation for trouble. She had heard tales of bandits and thieves who lurked within the woods and knew it was best to be ready to anything. Her blue eyes wearily scanned the underbrush, watching out for any movement.

Behind her was Pike and Block, who quietly talked to pass the time. Pike was particularly excited about their current quest to find a kidnapped princess, and was disappointed that no one else seemed to share his enthusiasm.

Meklavar traveled behind them, her ax at the ready. Her stonesense screamed that something wasn't right, and she was easily the jumpiest of the party.

Bringing up the rear was Gyro, who looked around with a sense of wide-eyed wonder at the beauty of the wilderness around them. He was particularly taken with the brightly colored flora and the pleasant smells they emitted. He felt like nothing could possibly go wrong. After all, the weather was pleasant and their quest had only just begun!

What could possibly go wrong?

“Shiro, roll for perception,” Coran instructed.

Shiro frowned. “I thought I already did that.”

“You did. Now I need you to roll a second time,” Coran said.

Everyone leaned forward to watch Shiro roll the die, eager to see what it would stop on. There was a collective groan when it tipped over one final time to end on “two”.

“Tough luck, Shiro,” Keith said sympathetically.

Coran's delight was obvious to everyone and he toned down his cackle to a snicker, hiding his face behind his game pad. “Suddenly, there is a loud crashing sound from the cliffside! Something has knocked into the precariously perched boulders up at the top, jarring them loose. They fall, picking up speed as they go, and while they make a great deal of noise, Gyro is too busy admiring the flowers to pay attention. Will anyone warn our poor paladin of the danger he faces?”

“How do you not hear a landslide?” Pidge asked with a shake of her head. “Nevermind. I'm the closest to him, so I shout out to try and warn him.”

“Shiro, another roll, if you will?”

Shiro sighed and rolled again, not at all surprised to see another roll number. Even the dice gods were working against him. “Am I dead?”

“Oh, I'm afraid so. You hear Meklavar's warning, but aren't able to move in time and are crushed by a landslide,” Coran rattles off as though commenting on the weather.

Shiro gave the Altean a petulant look as he sent over the data for his new character without being asked.

Keith watched the exchange with a furrowed brow. “Should I make a second character now, or...”

“You don't need to. Shiro just has really bad luck,” Pidge reassured him.

Coran took a moment to scan through the new data before jumping back in. “Our heroes take a few hours to mourn their fallen friend and construct a small monument in his honor.”

The loss of Gyro the Paladin dampened even Pike's spirits. The four heroes continued on their way, searching for the entrance to the caves where it was rumored that Princess Mora was being held.

“Does anyone else think it's weird that we haven't seen any bandits yet? You'd think they would at least have traps laid for us,” Meklavar said.

“Are you trying to jinx us?” Pike demanded. His eyes scanned the foliage critically, as though he expected something to immediately jump out and attack them.

Valayun uneasily slowed, closing the distance between her and Pike by a few paces. “Maybe we've gone the wrong way?”

“Can't be. This is the only path,” Block said. “Unless they didn't take the path?”

Meklavar shook her head. “No, you're right. They must have taken the path, especially since they have a captive with them. We would be able to see if they went another way, wouldn't we? There would be broken branches and stuff.”

They looked to Valayun in the hope that she had some skill in tracking, but she was just as confused as the rest of them.

The four of them stopped walking as a debate broke out over whether they should keep going or if it was best to go back and look for tracks. Pike and Valayun were for staying on the path, while Block and Meklavar wanted to go back.

And that was when things went from bad, to worse.

A howl pierced the air just before a massive wolf sprang out of the underbrush, taking all of them off guard. It used its advantage to pin Meklavar to the ground and opened its mouth to reveal a row of sharp, white teeth.

Meklavar closed her eyes, praying that someone would save her, or else that death would be swift and painless.

Pidge laughed as Kosmo licked across her cheek before he lowered his paws and padded over to the do the same to Keith.

“It's nice to see you too,” Keith said with a chuckle. He patted the cosmic wolf on the head, and once Kosmo was satisfied with the attention he received, he crawled under the table to take a nap near his favorite people.

“A new encounter has begun and it's time to figure out attacking order! Everyone, go ahead and roll your dice,” Coran instructed. “And just for fun... Shiro and Keith, the two of you can roll as well.”

Shiro trepidatiously reached for his die.

The sparkling light of Block's magic formed a barrier between Meklavar and certain death, which gave Valayun the opportunity to lay into the beast with her arrows. It reared back, releasing Meklavar from its grasp, and that was when Pike rushed in to pull her to safety.

“Are you alright?” Block shouted as he began charging up his next spell.

“I'm okay!” Meklavar quickly called back. She took a moment to reorient herself and then unhooked her ax so she could jump into the fight.

Arrows flew and spells were slung. A gleaming ax swung against the side of the beast. Pike's sharp blades danced as he flitted about.

None of it appeared to do more than anger the wolf.

“Should we run?” Block asked.

“Do you really think we can outrun that?” Pike asked in disbelief.

Block ducked behind a tree for a little extra cover. “Maybe if Valayun summons one of her magical steeds and I enchant my staff to fly, we might stand a chance at getting away.”

“And what would that solve?” Meklavar demanded. “We run and leave the princess with those bandits? Even if we get away, we still need to come back this way and there's no guarantee that this creature will be gone.”

“Meklavar is right. We have to deal with this now,” Valayun agreed.

Pike loudly shrieked as he barely dodged a swipe from one massive paw. His voice went high as he asked: “Does anyone have a plan for that?!”

Meklavar thought for a moment. “Maybe if we all attack it at once and hit it from different angles. That might confuse it enough that it won't know who to go after.”

“It's worth a try,” Valayun said. She selected a summoning arrow and fired it into the air. A moment later, a flying horse swooped down and allowed Valayun onto their back. She took to the skies to distract the beast, giving her allies enough time to get into place.

And then their assault began anew.

The beast snarled in rage. Just as they had hoped, it didn't know who to go after first. It turned to look at each of them, but each time it tried to attack, someone would hit it from another angle.

A horn trumpeted.

From within the forest, a man with dark hair came riding in on a magnificent black steed. He lifted his sword high and joined the battle.

The beast didn't last long after that, and as it lay dying on the forest floor, the adventurers approached the newcomer. One-by-one, they introduced themselves, until all that was left was for the stranger to speak his name.

“I am but a simple ranger, traveling with my fearless companion,” he said, fondly patting his horse's neck. “My name is Paladin.”

In that moment, anyone in or near the common room was treated to the sound of the Paladins of Voltron losing their minds over a single sentence, while Shiro sat back and looked very pleased with himself. Coran was laughing so hard that he was crying.

Once Coran calmed enough that he could speak clearly, he wiped away his tears and coaxed them back into playing their game.

With the addition of Shiro's ranger, they discovered that they had missed a second path and it was only thanks to his tracking skill that they were able to find it. The new path was a shortcut, leading directly to the caves, while the main path would have eventually branched out, with one trail leading up to the top of the mountain and the other leading out of the forest. Coran was the only one disappointed that they no longer needed to fight their way down through the mountain.

They charged ahead into the caves with their spirits renewed, and Lance happily showed off that Pike held torches in his inventory, after buying them during his and Shiro's mini-session with Coran.

“So is Keith actually playing, or is he just here to watch?” Lance asked as he rolled to dismantle a trap that Hunk nearly triggered.

“I've been playing!” Keith protested. “You've seen me roll!”

“Oh yeah? Then where's your character?” Lance challenged with the air of someone who knew they had already won.

Coran stepped in before things could escalate to shouting. “Keith and I discussed his role before we began, and I have sent him messages to determine where he currently is and what he's doing. Be patient; he'll join you soon.”

“I didn't know these things could send messages,” Pidge said, looking at her game pad with renewed interest.

“My bandmates and I always used them to enrich our experience with the game. Not only can it be used to send messages between the Lore Master and one of the players, players can also send group messages. Depending on the race you've picked, you can choose to send messages in that language, and it will only translate for anyone who has knowledge of that language,” Coran said. “Though it's more like gibberish than an actual language. Now, where were we? Ah, yes...”

The team of eager adventurers continued on their way, dismantling traps and using their wide range of skills to avoid trouble. They only got lost once and that was when they encountered a small party of bandits, who kept dropping their weapons and were incompetent in general.

Pike pilfered anything useful before they moved on.

“This is way less interesting than Dakin's lair,” Meklavar said, sounding disappointed. “Where's all of the treasure? The interesting weaponry?”

“Well that's why they kidnapped the princess, isn't it? They're holding her for ransom so that then they'll have treasures,” Block suggested.

“I don't know why you keep saying things like that when you know it's just going to bring us more trouble.” Pike directed his words to Meklavar, who ignored him. “Besides, just because you haven't found anything, doesn't mean there's nothing here.” He grinned and jingled his coin purse in front of her face.

Paladin frowned at the blatant theivery that was being flaunted in front of him. There was no point in saying anything. Pike had only laughed the first time he scolded him for it.

“Meklavar, can you read anything with your stonesense?” Valayun asked.

Meklavar placed her hand on the wall and frowned. “There is... something. I can feel it more strongly now. I think there's another dwarf here!”

“That's good, right?” Valayun asked.

Meklavar shrugged. “Not if they're one of the bandits. Then we might be in trouble, since they'll be able to tell we're coming.”

“I don't like this,” Block said nervously.

“All we can do is keep moving forward. If we stop to worry about what could be, we'll be here all day,” Paladin said. He took the lead down the hall, not waiting for anyone to respond, and the others hurried to fall in line behind him.

They all kept their weapons drawn. There was every chance that they were walking deeper into an ambush and none of them wanted to be caught unaware.

Every now and then, Meklavar reached out to touch the stone walls, trying to get a feel for what was going on. Just before a turn, she hissed out “wait!”

Paladin brought up his sword in time to block a strike from another blade. The clang of steel-on-steel rang out in the tunnel, impossibly loud. Paladin grit his teeth and bore down, refusing to let the assailant take an inch.

“Who are you? What are you doing in this place?” demanded the stranger.

“We're here to beat you and rescue the princess!” Pike exclaimed from the back of their line.

The stranger frowned. “They kidnapped someone else as well?”

Paladin let up a little, puzzled by that statement. “What do you mean 'someone else'? We only know about Princess Mora.”

There was something very strange going on, but no one could feel that more than Meklavar. Her stonesense sang, but not in a way that indicated danger. “Paladin, I don't think he's one of the bandits.”

The stranger rolled his eyes. “Do I look like a bandit to you?”

Behind Meklavar, the others made sounds of protest - “Of course he does!” - but Paladin evidently agreed with Meklavar and slowly lowered his sword. He kept it at the ready, just in case.

Valayun refused to lower her arrow and kept it trained on the stranger. “Who are you? How do we know you're someone we can trust?”

“Because I believe I'm the one you were sent to rescue,” he told them. “My name is Mizerik, son of Princess Mora.”

“Nope.” Lance shook his head and crossed his arms over his chest. “No way.”

Pidge appeared utterly delighted by the twist. She turned to Keith with a grin and raised her hand, palm facing him. He looked puzzle for a moment and then held up his hand the same way.

“High five?” Pidge asked.

Understanding dawned on Keith's face and he gently clapped his hand to hers. “What are we doing this for?”

“Because we're dwarf pals! This is going to be so much fun!” Pidge said. She picked up her gamepad and began to intently type something.

“You two planned this?” Allura asked, looking to Coran.

He beamed at her. “Keith had the idea after I explained a bit about how the game works. It's all part of an even bigger story I have in mind. I figured that since you all could use something to do, I could do a bigger campaign than the last time. This is only the beginning!”

“I think we'll be able to find time for that,” Shiro said, sounding amused.

“Still worried that my dad might make good on his threat?” Pidge asked.

“You think he won't?”

Pidge wasn't going to argue with him on that.

Coran let them talk for a moment while he took a drink of water. They'd been going for a while and could probably wrap things up soon, or at least take a break before heading into the next part of the campaign.

He scrolled through his chosen story and decided that he'd wait to see what they wanted to do about the remaining bandits first. There wasn't any treasure to find, but the odds were that they would press on until they found something interesting, and he had a misleading side-plot involving a mysterious key if they really wanted to go that route. He almost hoped Keith would convince them that it was unnecessary, but the thought of getting to send them on a wild floklop chase was highly amusing.

It was all dependent on whether or not they took Keith's deal. There was something his character was after, and in exchange for helping him, he would grant a favor.

What was it the humans said again?

Quid pro quo?

#voltron #fanfiction #monsters and mana #no pairings #between vld season 7 and season 8

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annakie · 5 years

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An Annotated Mass Effect Playthrough, Part Eight

List of Posts: 0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

I accidentally messed up the numbering on part Seven’s link to post six, so if you missed post six (or yesterday’s part seven), the numbering up there is correct.

Wherein we get back out into the galaxy, explore, help some people, and kill some others!

So now that we have Liara, it’s time to really dig into the galaxy. We have a few people we talked to on the CItadel who need help, and maybe we’ll stumble into a few more things along the way.

First of all, let’s check out the galaxy map...

Hey wait a sec, what’s this?

Petra Nebula!? Oh hey, another new addition by the ME1 Recalibrated mod.

Gorgeous map, only one system available.

Heeeey we recognize this place, we’ll get to go there in.... two games!

Can’t land there (or anywhere in the system) but it’s cool that it exists! There are a couple of other neat little things in the system I didn’t screenshot so that you can have a cool new experience yourself if you decide to use the mod on your next playthrough.

What I really miss from ME3, by the way, is the % markers which note when you’ve fully explored a system or if there’s more stuff to find there.

Anyway, my PLAN had been to take a screenshot of each planet or spacecraft before I entered it to help orient the playthrough better, and then the non-screenshotting couple of hours happened, so we lost some of that along the way, sorry.

Still, let’s see what kind of trouble we can get ourselves into.

I love this planet. The lava juuuuust below the surface, peeking out. Just some of the coolest terrain in the game.

What a great view, let’s get a little clo--

OOPS.

I meant to do that.

Wide open spaces with no fears of a thresher maw living in the lava! ...I hope?

Ah, here’s our objective, a distress signal being sent from this location, let’s see if we can help...

FUCKING GETH AMBUSH.

Aw yeah, jumping over those explosives like a pro!

...most of the time.

Well this planet was a bust. Let’s see if we can actually help someone.

Another planet, scanned a few things, not sure what we’re doing here but hey, I found a lone building!

Ah yes, a prefab which is totally different from all the prefabs we’ll enter because the creates are stacked in a different configuration.

Honestly they should have put one of these prefabs in ME3 for Old Times Sake. (The ones that actually look like homes/labs/whatever make so much more sense.)

Annnd we’re being attacked. Not sure why, but here we go!

Awww yeah, Throw! And Ash and Kaidan managing to be useful I think?

Except they let a guy slip by us, but luckily there’s a convenient explosive nearby. That got ‘em.

OK back to facing forward OH FUCK A KROGAN.

Kaidan’s biotics and my shotgun, a favorite combination. Now stay down!

Sweet, level up!

And that fight’s over, time to explore this pla...

Whew, thanks Kaidan.

This guy thought he could sneak past me. Well me, my shotgun and my 20 shield strength sure showed him.

ME1 combat is so... messy though. I mean, I honestly still enjoy it, but I’m in the camp that agrees combat gets better every game, Andromeda included. Of course, I just REALLY LOVE Vanguarding in ME3... charging into a group of enemies, hitting Nova, spamming charge again praying that I’ll find a good target to charge to in time. ME1 combat is basically all just... spam abilities from cover and hope your companions are doing something useful. Being a Vanguard is more about style over substance in ME here. I mean you do get some really useful abilities, but your shotgun isn’t that much use unless things get too close.

Which, you know, they do pretty often.

Anyway, remember... I WILL DESTROY YOU!!!

FUCK I hadn’t been back to the Citadel to pick up Nassana Dantius’ quest yet. Let’s just reload the quicksave from outside and we’ll... come back and do this the right way later and see the entire quest.

I do this more often than I care to admit.

Also no screenshot for this but... I also found Wrex’s personal quest planet and recognized it only when I saw the building, since it’s in a pretty memorable location. Still, grabbed everything else off the planet so it’ll be quick when it’s time to go back and do that quest.

Well let’s go back to poking around the galaxy.

Message coming in. Patching it through.

Ah, yeah, hey Hackett. What’s that? You’ve got some dirty work you need me to do for you? Cool, be right there.

Before the ME2 DLC Arrival came out, Hackett was one of Mass Effect’s biggest mysteries. Who is this guy? Why is he telling us to do things? Does he have some secret agenda? Why is he so sketchy? Our Shepards seemed to trust him but WOW he sure did send us on some touchy missions. Speculation was all over the place on what he looked like and what he was really doing.

Turns out, he’s just a pretty cool guy who wants you to take on all the secret spy missions the Alliance doesn’t want to take credit for.

I wish I’d saved it, but just a week or two ago I saw a pretty great post circulating about Hackett. He IS the guy that’s going to make sure a job gets done, even if he’s not going to do it himself. He’s the back-room Admiral with the squeaky clean image up front. He’s the Gus Fring of the Alliance.

Also getting Lance Riddick to voice him was great. Just a real authoritative, steady guy who you actually want to trust.

And it turns out he looks basically exactly like most people thought, but maybe with a few more scars. (I mean, he really looks a lot like Lance Riddick, tbh) But we don’t know that yet. For now, let the mystery be.

Time to actually go help someone.

Ah yeah, Chairman Burns, we do negotiate with terrorists, in this case. But they needed negotiating with.

Maxing out the Paragon-meter is worth it for moments like this. These guys have probably suffered and it’s no surprise that no one has really listened. Sounds like a lot about the galaxy hasn’t changed since we got out there.

This is also an excellent moment for Kaidan.

Being able to let Kaidan reason with them is fantastic. Although he probably ultimately doesn’t make a difference mechanics wise, it’d be nice if maybe the check is easier if he’s here. I don’t know. But Kaidan knows, even if he’s one of the “lucky” ones who “only” gets migraines.

One of the grossest posts I’ve seen about Kaidan are people who argue she shouldn’t be on the team because of his implants and since he has a “disability”. Or that it’s “kinder” to sacrifice him on Virmire. That’s some real gross ablism you’ve got there.

Anyway, I love being able to keep this situation under control. Burns actually comes through if you do, even if those guys probably go to prison for awhile for terrorism. Better than being dead.

Time for... another planet!

Again, didn’t take a screencap of this one but... there’s a missing survey team? I must have picked this quest up in the elevators, because normally you get it on Noveria. Anyway, Let’s go find them on Trebin, I’m sure they just can’t broadcast anymore or something. It’s cool

FUCK. SHIT SHIT SHIT. FUCK!!!

I probably could have actually used Warp or Throw or even Barrier there but... too late now! We lived!

I was all ready to blame this on Cerberus, but creepily, there’s no explanation for who huskified them or why. I’m still going to blame Cerberus, seems like something they’d do.

Well, time to move on.

Honestly, I can’t believe anyone who says ME1 isn’t beautiful.

And driving the Mako is FUN in places like this!

Oh there’s a camp up ahead, we’re here to find the remaining crew of a crashed ship for our new friend in the Citadel Tower.

Again, no footage/screenshot but eventually you find where the mercenaries tracked down Willem (the brother) and killed them. Shit. We were too late. I actually tear up sometimes telling Garoth that his brother died. They held out for awhile, too, but we were too late.

It would have been nice if, say, if the very first thing we did after leaving the Citadel was to come here, we could have saved him, but I guess this quest is another way of Bioware telling us that sometimes, there’s just nothing you can do to change things.

One more quest this update, then we’re stopping back off at the Citadel next.

Presrop, one of the most well-known of the sidequest planets. (OKok, technically it’s a moon.)

One of my favorite landing sequences, just because the stars make it so... dramatic.

I mean DAMN.

Klendagon's most striking feature is, of course, the Great Rift valley that stretches across the southern hemisphere. What is most fascinating about the Rift is that it does not appear to be natural. The geological record suggests it is the result of a "glancing blow" by a mass accelerator round of unimaginable destructive power. This occurred some thirty-seven million years ago.

It took a solid three minutes of Flycam flying to get that closeup shot, btw. I actually flew all the way in the first time I came here, and didn’t take screenshots. Took about six minutes. The updated texture is impressive.

Well, Hackett sent us here, let’s deal with Major Kyle.

Being nice and non-threatening gets you into places.

I’ll admit, before I came in here, I decided to cheat in enough paragon points to max out Paragon already. For me personally, I’m trying to make sure this is an “ultimate” playthrough, a save file I can just use over and over from here on out. I want everything to import into ME3 the first time around with all the plot flags set how I want them without messing with Gibbed’s Savegame Editor, so making sure I can convince everyone how I want them to is important. So hey, Major Kyle, stand down.

I don’t think I’ve ever played as a Ruthless Shepard in ME1, or if I have, it’s been so long I’ve forgotten how it goes. But he was the commanding officer at the battle of Torfan, and your CO if you’re Ruthless. He’s also a reminder of how serious PTSD can be, and what it can do to a person.

I also love this tidbit from the Wiki, which I didn’t know since I’d never done these particular choices before:

(In Mass Effect 2) If Martin Burns was not saved in 2183, a news report on the Citadel will announce that Kyle is trying to form an all-biotic community as the reparations were not given to L2 biotics and they have become even more alienated from galactic society.

I really liked that if you reason with him, he doesn’t give you any trouble and turns himself in like he says.

Hey, this negotiation thing is easy when you’re the best person in the galaxy at it!!

#mass effect #kaidan alenko #the mako #chairman burns #major kyle #bioware #annakie's mass effect stuff

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cosmiciaria · 5 years

Text

Radiata Stories review! (spoiler free - long post!)

I am SPEECHLESS. I can't believe I spent so many years without knowing about this game. My friend thoroughly recommended it to me but with my ps4 and many other pc games, I just wasn't in the mood for a ps2 oldie. But here I am, and I want to spread the word: play Radiata Stories.

In the world of Radiata, the land is divided into regions that belong to different races: elves, dwarves, orcs, humans (and ronsos – no, sorry, wrong game – but you can't fool me there's a lion guy who looks like Kimahri from FFX). These species have been at odds since time immemorial, and thus the dragons – Earth, Water, Fire, Wind, Silver and Gold – have guarded their beings from above.

We follow Jack Russell, a 16-year-old who dreams of becoming a knight. We accompany him to the entrance exams, only to see him fail miserably against a girl, Ridley Silverlake. Despite his clumsiness and obvious embarrassment for having been defeated, he's allowed to join the Radiata Knights, alongside Ridley, only because he's the son of an important late knight. They form a new brigade called Rose Cochon, under Captain Ganz Rothschild's leadership.

This trio will be sent into action in no time. Their dynamics are fun and there's a bit of rivalry between the two new knights, but they get things done. Ganz is proud to finally be able to be captain of his own brigade, and regards his two pupils with care and wisdom. This seems to be the flow the story is going to follow.

An important quest arrives: Rose Cochon brigade must reach the Elf Region and ask the Light Elves leader for a favor. However, things get tough in their journey there: a blood orc attacks the Dark Elves village, and the brigade plunges in to fight and defend.

In the battle, Ridley gets mortally wounded. Jack gets all frantic and desperate, and the brigade asks for the Elves' help. Lord Nogueira, the Dark Elf leader, decides to do the unthinkable for non-humans: the only way to save Ridley is to perform the transpiritation ritual, a spell only available for elves that allows them to take the soul of a dying fellow and use it to heal another one who might still live.

The ritual is successful, and Ridley's soul is fused with that of a small elf who'd died in the battle. Everything seems to settle down for a bit, with Jack and Ganz returning to Radiata City filled with good hopes for Ridley.

The next day, you're fired from the Knights.

This is where the game opens up for you!

From now on, it's just you, Jack, in the middle of a big city, paving his way to the top of the Vancoor Theater guild, the guild of warriors. Since the only thing you can do is fight, better to put it to good use and earn some money in the process!

The game offers a variety of things to do. You can start recruiting people as party members. You know, like, in Dragon Age, you can recruit characters into your team? Or, in any other rpg, that you have a team of five or six characters, maybe some more? Yes? Ok, here in RS you can recruit (listen to me) over 170 characters. Yep, you read right. Mind you, you can't recruit them (catch 'em all) in your first playthrough, but just so you know, yes, this game is that big.

Some people will ask you for a favor before they're added to the 'friend list', but others will join your right off the bat. Once you have a respectable team of four party members that you choose, you can begin doing solo missions, which are the guild's assignments to you and will redound in money and goodies. You get to know the other guild's members, you get to fight alongside them, you get to know and care for the civilians in the city. With a night-day system, if this game is anything, is alive.

NPC's have their own schedule: following the clock in the top left corner, they do and say different stuff depending of the moment of the day you approach them. They're walking around the city, performing random things, making them seem alive. Some events are only available at night, some others only during day. Some people will be nice, others not so much. Some parts of the city will shine, others will look depressing and dirty. Birds chirp, trees are swept by the wind's fine breeze, mosquitoes swarm around – this game breathes life into its pixels in every corner.

Now that we're on the aesthetic aspect, I must admit, this game looks gorgeous. With a very prominent anime artstyle, still it aged pretty well for today's standards: sometimes the lighting was too real, the sunlight pouring from the mountain's side, the character's long shadow stretching onto the road. The animations are good as well, as are the physics: I am beyond amazed by how well clothes and hairs move as flawlessly as if they were real. Each of the recruitable characters have a different victory pose and they have different lines for everything. Some particle effects are really nice, since I didn't think there existed the technology for it back then. The main city is huge, and when I say huge, I mean, every door you see, you can enter, and inside you'll find at least a two-floor building with objects to interact with and people to talk to. And don't even get me started on how BIG the Vareth Institute is in itself – and all that stuff is optional! The world is also vast and filled with brimming elements, although don't be fooled by the illusion of 3D: this game is, mostly, a 2D experience when you want to go from point A to point B.

You'll spend a good chunk of your game doing tasks for the guild. In the meantime, Ganz is somewhere playing the bandit and Ridley is hearing voices in her head. In this 'middle' part of the game, the story seemed to drag on forever for a bit: I wanted to go on with the main plot, and, while you can actually do that (just hit the sleep option over and over until a cutscene appears), the game tends to make you go through long and tedious solo missions to get that Grind™ you need. Dungeons are not long or too big in reality, but the number of encounters (which are forced on you since you can't avoid enemies by circling around most of the times for the 2D aspect) turns what should've been a walk in the park into a dragging hell. This portion of the game, I'm not going to lie, seemed a bit too long for me. And since the gameplay mostly consists in pressing the circle button and hearing Jack yell "Ha! Haiiyaah! Ha! Haiiyaah!" for ten hours straight, yeah, it can get boring.

But I guess the game was trying to make you feel at ease, comfortable around these walls. You're training your fave party members, you go with them everywhere to play the warrior and earn some money, you get occasional messages from Ridley telling you everything's fine – until the plot makes a halt and suddenly you must choose.

I'll keep this spoiler free, but this game is almost fifteen years old, so these are no news: there will come a point where the plot branches into two possible paths, the Human side, and the Non-Human side. I can't tell you which one is right, for there seems to be pros and cons in both, so I'll let your heart decide. For what we care now, I chose the Non-Human side, completely convinced with my decision, only to see myself doubt in many instances.

At this point, your plot shakes. Your comfort zone breaks. Suddenly, things are changing: your team is not there anymore, Ridley acts weird, where the hell is Ganz, what's going on with the dragons? Who am I supposed to trust in this world full of people who just want to exterminate each other?

I won't spoil it. I'll just say, that whatever you choose, please stand firm by your decision. You'll need that conviction, because the game is going to make your ground tremble a few times. And with those endings that await you – man, I don't know if I want to finish either path.

So, to avoid spoilers, I'll talk about the characters a bit!

Jack is your main protagonist, as you could've guessed. He's your average shonen main guy, at least in the beginning hours. He's clumsy, he wants to be a hero, and he even mocks shonen protagonists by saying that he'll awaken to a dormant power and save the world with his friends. But life hits him hard, accuses him of things he hasn't done, and so Jack evolves across the story. His character development is subtle, but it's there: he starts off as a brat who wants to fight, ends on a mature note, with some quite insightful thoughts and reactions I haven't expected from him. Normally, the shonen guy remains a shonen guy; this doesn't happen here. Jack ends up being an adorkable character, worthy of respect, sympathy, and a force to be reckoned with.

Ridley remains a calm force during the game. She's collected, she's well-educated, and she knows her way around. At the beginning, she can't stand Jack much, but as days go by, she starts to consider him as an equal and true friend. In the Non-Human path, her romantic feelings towards him are crystal clear: there's a small spark between them, that flickers every now and then when the plot allows them a moment's respite. Only them and a handful of other characters know the truth behind the transpiritation event, and as such there's a profoundly deep connection that keeps them together, although they're separated most of the story.

Ganz is ma fave boi and he must be protected at all costs. A young and promising man, Ganz was created to be likeable. You can't help but sympathize with his funny appearance: chubby, huge armor, huge sword, and funny moustache. But he's also a man of wisdom, with a golden heart. He's righteous and wants to do good. And he deserves all the love in the world.

Other notable characters are Genius, a scientist who's obsessed with the transpiritation thing that went down, and may know more about the plot than it seems at first glance; Natalie, a guarding woman who works as Ridley's not-so-secret bodyguard; Larks¸ the leader of the Knights and whose motivations remain a mystery to me even to this day – I can't read into this character at all!; Lord Zane, the leader of the Light Elves, who laughs maniacally when no one is watching and I can't bring myself to like him; Gawain, Ganz's father, who disappeared 16 years ago since his best friend died; and Cross, Ridley's fiancé, who just wants to be the best hunter and paves his way to the top of the knight ranks by any means necessary. I hate this guy so much, his only trait is 'I am a bad person' and that's it, he's so cartoonishly evil it makes me want to punch the screen. Probably you see more of him in the Human path, but unless he has a very tragic backstory to redeem him, he's not likeable at all. I mean, you can say that he has ambition and he gets s*it done, but still, damn him, and his voice actor, UGH.

Despite some minor thingies, the relationship between the characters is gold. Jack and Ridley are cute and make me wanna draw the meme of NOW KISS every two seconds. Jack and Ganz are companion goals. Ganz and his father – I loved that they kept their interactions personal and off screen. Idk why, but this story is about Jack, and yes, I care for Ganz as well, but his trouble with his father was his own, not Jack's, so I guess this is a director's decision which I'm 100% behind.

The plot can get predictable at times, but there's also a healthy amount of plot twists that made my jaw drop in a few occasions. I mean, I guessed who the bad guy was since the beginning, but let's face it, it's pretty obvious and the game doesn't hide it. There are other things that made the plot unfold worth my time, like trying to recruit that awesome character, or like what is the deal with Jack's late father, or what the hell is going on with Ganz, and what will happen to the city now that I'm on the Non-Human side? And the game answers them all (I read that the manga answers even more questions, so treat yourself).

All in all, RS is a vast jrpg experience, with high replay value and tons of things to explore. The world seems small, but it isn't. There's always a reward for those who wander off. For a ps2 title, this game is giant. And in the good sense. I thought I had seen the pinnacle of the ps2 era with Final Fantasy XII, but I'm highly considering changing my view on that one.

The endings are bittersweet in both paths. There's not a complete happy ending, I warn you. Things get darker towards the end, and the story knows how to subvert expectations in the good way. Remember Jack saying he wanted to be the hero like in a shonen anime? Well, not happening in this game guys. At the end of the day, this isn't a shonen story: this is a Radiata Story (roll credits), and like in every country's history, sometimes blood must be shed for events to take place and situations to unfold.

I am beyond pleased with this game. I'm considering playing through the Human side now – but first I need to recover myself from this Non-Human ending. I'm not ready to face more tragedy yet.

Go play it. Just do it. You won't regret it.

And pray that Tri-Ace develops ONE DAY a decent sequel.

#radiata stories #tri ace #jack russell #ganz rothschild #ridley silverlake #square enix #videogame #videogame review #review #ps2 #valkyrie profile

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theravencawsatmidnight · 5 years

Text

Catnapped

Chapter 4. Ending

Kyra’s eyes fluttered open around night time . Her room was dark.. a dim light hanging from the ceiling , she did not recognize the scents and jumped up.

“SHINSO!!!!” She yelled. She looked all around trying to make out where she was . The room was cold and felt empty. Slowly she was remembering , her fur sticking up as she quickly felt her mouth. Her fangs were back… so it must of been a full day she was passed out.. she looked at her paws then up at the window . She raced over and quickly realized it was too high up for her… slowly she slid down against the wall breaking down.

“I can't get out.. why am I even here, what did I do ?” She quietly talked to herself , Kyra felt her neck flinching . It was burned and scratchy . Soft mews filled the empty room.

Shigaraki was with Kurogiri at the bar watching the little tv . The news was reporting on Kyra’s kidnapping. Some civilians were asked about it and it turned into a thing about her parents.

The camera went back to the reporters and Kurogiri turned the tv off.

“ what a special item. Villain parents. Isn't it great Kurogiri?”

The warp villain nodded in agreement.

They heard the door open and close and Dabi walked quietly into the room. He looked up seeing the two

“Is she awake yet?” He asked going to the bar to sit down. Shigaraki had sent him on a small mission after he had put Kyra in her cell, he was gone for about a day. Kurogiri looked at Shigaraki and the skinny man chuckled lightly. “ no one has gone to check. Toga wanted to but we cant have her ripping more teeth out”

Dabi rolled his eyes getting up. “ fine, ill go look.”

He made his way down the hall and unlocked the door going in,It locked automatically behind him. He heard a small gasp once he entered but his eyes had not adjusted to the dark yet. He lifted his right hand creating a palm size flame to light up some part of the room. The bed was empty but she was here, slowly he moved his hand around till he found her, under the window curled up.

Kyra knew it was Dabi who entered , he had a burning smell that followed him and her nose never made a mistake. Maybe he wouldn't see her? Her heart sank when she saw the flame, what could she do? Bite him? He would burn her …. he walked over and Kyra held herself helplessly .

Dabi made his way to her and Kyra looked up shaking , he took a step and pressed his foot on her chest pinning her , he kneeled down, the flame close to her face. “ so the fangs grew back hm?” He moved his hand closer looking them over. Kyra was shaking , he had all his weight in his leg and it hurt…

“ they grow.. bbbb ack in 24 hhhours..” she tried to speak. Dabi tilted his head at her and placed his finger under one fang pricking himself. Some blood started to flow and he watched it.

“Sharp little things. Tell me kitty…” he smiled moving his hand up to her forehead. Kyra felt her heart jump in her throat. Wa… wah?!? Kkkkitt… kitty???!?

“You were in the sports festival right?”

Kyra coughed trying to answer, she ended up just nodding instead . Dabi laid his leg on her stomach leaning over her, holding the flame close to her scarred face. “ you got really angry in it didn't you? Almost villain like . You looked just like your parents. “ he teased .

Kyra looked away trying not to cry , instead she quickly grabbed his arms digging her claws in , the flame went out and the two wrestled in the dark . Grunting and mewing , pulling and shoving . Kyra did not want to bite… it might kill him.. she did not want to kill.., but.. she didn't want to bite.. did not want… to..

Dabi pinned the girl down just under the dim light breathing hard , he dug his nails into her wrists and Kyra was staring at his side , her mouth open slightly and her eyes wide. He looked down to see his left side bleeding badly . Suddenly the pain registered and Dabi felt his body give out . He fell on Kyra, she struggled pushing him off and running to the door trying to open it . Dabi was gasping and holding his side , he felt two large holes .

“ you BIT me!!!” He yelled pulling himself up and stumbling his way to her. He fell into her back wrapping his arm around her waist lighting her shirt on fire. They both fell back and Kyra ripped her shirt off screaming .

She was in a panic but.. she needed to get out.. needed … Dabi held his grip on her tight, his side stinging from the pressure of the constant moving . He covered her mouth with his other hand and wrapped both her arms under his holding her securely in place.

“You… are a bad.. bad.. kitty..” he gasped for air.

He felt her heartbeat in his arm and her heavy staggered breathing. The two laid there for a few minutes trying to collect themselves.

“ you bit me. I should rip your teeth out .. one.. by .. one. “

Kyra tried to bite his hand but he kept igniting his flames when she struggled. “ you are going to be good.. or ill have Toga come in here.”

Kyra mewed hearing that trying to shake her head.

“ ready to listen?” He asked grabbing one of her fangs.

Kyra could not think straight, UA never prepared her for situations like this.. what could she do?!

Dabi felt himself starting to fade from the blood loss. He was getting dizzy. He heard a soft mumble and let go of her fang.

“...yes..” she said.

“ yes what” he grabbed her neck.

“ ill be good.. please don't send her here..”

Dabi pushed her off him and forced himself up, he limped to the door and looked back . She was curled up covering herself under the light. He went through the door slamming it.

Dabi walked sliding along the wall leaving a blood trail on it . He had to pass the bar to get to his room . The two villains were still there . Shigarashi looked up first and tensed up a tiny bit. Kurogiri watched Dabi closely as he passed them. He said nothing to the two. He slid along the wall again till he made it to his room closing the door. As quickly as he could Dabi pulled his coat and shirt off . He stumbled his way to his restroom looking at his side . Two large bite marks. Dabi pulled some medical bandages from his cabinet wrapping himself up tight . He passed out on his bed.

The two villains were talking .

“ so they grew back… a bonus level. This is quite the fun game Kurogiri! “ said Shigaraki excited

“ i agree.. Tomura Shigaraki…”

Sir Nighteye and the rest of the group were looking over the map of the town , one street was circled in red. “ so our best bet is here , its an old bar .. if we surround the area and rush it we can get in” Sir Nighteye said adjusting his glasses.

Everyone agreed on this plan once they discussed it further. Bakugou looked over at Shinso, he looked absolutely drained and tired. The bags under his eyes looked heavy and he looked like he was not eating much. He would get Kyra out, not purple boy.. he was useless. Bakugou left the room after Aizawa looked over at him. Shinso held his stomach , all he could think about was if Kyra was okay.

“ lets go get ready.” Aizawa said looking at Shinso. He only nodded following his old tutor .

“ so what should we do to ensure Kyra’s and Shinso’s safety…” Dragon asked.

“We just need to restrain the league .. and we can get everyone out safely” Sir Nighteye said.

Dragon looked off at the room, as if she was unsure of the plan..

Everyone was ready , they made their way to the bar keeping a close watch on the surroundings . It was coming into view and so were the police , All Might must have asked for their help. The head of police nodded at the pros. Now they waited…

Meanwhile inside the hideout an hour or so earlier . The villains were at the bar discussing their hostage. Dabi had bandaged himself up the night before and was starting to feel better. The holes though were still in his side. The blood was still on the walls. Toga begged him for more information but he just ignored her.

“ cmon Dabi!!! It looks like she coulda bit a chunk outta you!!!!” She begged, trying to touch his bandages. Dabi rolled his eyes and just let her do what she wanted finally giving in to her antics. The girl grinned touching all over feeling the large holes in his skin.

“ like a knife through butter!!!!” She said.

Shigaraki got up looking down the hallway.

“ I think I will go check on our special item.”

“ her neck is getting worse. She might die” Dabi said

“ well whose fault is that ? “ Shigaraki said before walking down the hallway.

“ yea you show off!!! Right Kurogiri!!!“ Toga said.

The warp villain only nodded in agreement and Dabi looked at his bandages.

Shigaraki opened the door going in to see Kyra panting on the bed , she had found her burned shirt and was wearing it again. The burn on her neck looked infected and was spreading. She looked up from her paws to see the skinny man walking towards her. She flinched backing into the bed till she hit the wall.

Shigaraki tilted his head kneeling down by the bed. He did not have a hand over his face , he looked unhealthy , his lips chapped and his eyes heavy and empty…

“ hello” he said

Kyra coughed and heaved before saying hello back.

Shigarashi fiddled with his pocket taking out a small container . “ I'm sure that hurts , want some healing cream?” He asked

Kyra got on all fours crawling over with a paw out begging. “ yes.. yes please i!!!” She coughed again and the man moved his hand away quickly.

“I have some questions for you first. A side quest” he said .

Kyra was in tears, she could barely talk right now .

“You can nod or shake your head to answer, see? I'm nice right? The boss of the game has to be nice”

Kyra was still on all fours, the slight elevation made her neck hurt not as much…

“First question. You bit Dabi?”

She nodded slowly looking at his face, he seemed to be hiding something. Or wanting to say something.

“Have you ever bitten someone ?”

Kyra thought on it and sat down gently.

“ ….” she coughed “ yes.. the Sports Festival…”

Shigarashi smiled unscrewing the lid of the can.

“ what did you feel when you bit Dabi? Anger? Regret? Happiness? Revenge?”

Kyra looked at her paws, her eyes hurt and so did her neck. Her mouth was still sore from… the teeth pulling.

“ first i just wanted to escape.. i.. I meant to only nip him but….” she looked away “i had a clear opening and i….just went for it. It felt .. …. good… biting him . So easy.. “ she heaved holding her neck and saw the container drop on her free paw. She looked up after grabbing it and Shigarashi was standing now .

“ oh Saber. That's villain talk ... What a special little item you are. “ he left for the door and Kyra quickly applied the medicine to her burns . She whined from the sting as she talked.

“ .. im not a villain.”

“Think it over special item. This might be a party invitation…” he closed the door .

Shigarashi rejoined the villains explaining his interaction with Kyra. Kurogiri was cleaning a glass thinking on it and Toga was very excited. Dabi got up rolling his eyes .

“You sure she said that?” He asked

“ i am sure yes.”

“Pizza delivery!!!” Yelled a voice from the door. They all looked over and suddenly the door was kicked in and sent flying towards them. Aizawa ran in past All Might using his quirk and Bakugou ran in with Shinso both running down a hall checking every door till they found the locked one.

Kyra jumped from the noise getting off the bed .

“HELP!!! Please im here !!!!” She yelled

“I cant get it unlocked!” Yelled Shinso

Bakugou pushed him out of the way and started using his quirk on the door.

Aizawa had let his quirk end to, his eyes were straining. He fought trying to keep the villains at bay and so did Centipede and All might. Dabi slipped away in the confusion and was sneaking down the hall. Kurogiri had made an escape warp and everyone had gotten out except Dabi. The door was starting to give and Shinso rammed his shoulder into it a few times and fell through. He rushed up and saw her , Shinso ran to her wrapping his arms around her shaking body squeezing her very hard .

“ im here… im here kitten…” he assured her . “We cant stay here ok? We need to-” a blue flame just missed them hitting the bed. Shinso got in front of Kyra to see Dabi smiling at him. Bakugou was behind him on the ground pulling himself up slowly.

“ taking my kitty?” He taunted.

Shinso made a fist and threw his capture weapon at him , Dabi jumped back and was hit with an explosion from Bakugou who was up now and ready. Shinso sent the tape out again wrapping Dabi in it , he picked up Kyra and ran out of the hide out with Bakugou . The pros passed them to grab Dabi but he was pulled through a warp.

Everyone was outside and Shinso was holding Kyra still, the paramedics explained that they needed to treat her wounds and he set her down slowly. When they took her away he went to follow but Sir Nighteye stopped him, his hand was on his shoulder.

“ what is it? I need to be with her.” He said

“.... nothing. Just good job on the rescue”

Shinso nodded rushing to the ambulance getting in.

Bakugou was getting checked out by a nurse , Aizawa went over and congratulated him on the rescue. The blond scoffed watching the ambulance speed off.

Sir Nighteye pulled Aizawa away and looked to be telling him something. Bakugou decided he was not needed anymore and walked to his house.

The week at the hospital was hard on the couple, Kyra needed emergency care for the burns and was ordered not to talk for three days while her neck healed up. Shinso visited her everyday from 8 am to 2 pm . He came in after his patrols to . One day after Shinso had left . Her door had opened . Kyra was too tired to roll to her other side and see who it was . She did not smell anything so she figured it was a nurse. They were standing next to the bed , Kyra was looking out the window not bothering to turn.

“ ill take my pills in a minute…”

When she said that she felt something drop on the bed and the door open and close. Kyra jumped forcing herself to sit up. It was her Hero license and a card. She looked around fast and read the card.

“.... invitation to join.. the League….” she read. Kyra held the card close and her Hero license close mewing.

A hooded man was leaving the hospital. His blue hair falling in his face , he had a big smile on his face.

Kyra was cleared to leave a day later. She hid the card before Shinso took her home. Her neck was healed but it still had scars and burn marks. She hated it… she felt ugly.

Shinso and Kyra got home going right to bed to hold each other . She squeezed her boyfriend and Shinso held her close rubbing her little ear.

“ go to sleep…” he said exhausted

“ you too…” she hid her face in his chest going to sleep. Shinso laid his cheek on hers staying up.

( ending!!!! I hope you enjoyed! I can answer any questions you guys might have too! Thank you for reading . ♥️)

#myhero #my hero academia #boku no hero academia #boku no hero fanfic #mha fanfiction #oc tag #fanficton #fanfic #writeblur #writing

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yourplayersaidwhat · 7 years

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We had just finished our first quest, where none of us really were experienced DnD player, and I did some feeble attempts at solid DM'ing. The goal of the quest had been to find an antidote for a farmer’s son who had gone into a magical coma.

(ps: due to an inside joke, Winnie the Pooh is in the party like, just there. Christopher Robin is the farmers son who fell ill. The party coloured winnie the pooh neon pink. I don’t know why.)

DM: You reach the farm. You don’t have to roll shit to figure out these peeps are poor. They have a cow and a goat in a small pen that don’t look too hot. Oh, and there’s a donkey tied by the door to their shedlike home.

Elf Ranger: guys i think these peeps are super poor.

Half-Elf Cleric (only good aligned partymember): oh my god really????

DM: just as you say that, the door creaks open, and a thin, a bit aged man peeks out, and when he sees you, his eyes go wide and he steps fully outside, and he says “Are you the ones my daughter sent to- have you found it? Did you find the antidote for my son?”

Half-Elf Cleric: Hello we are here to speak to you about Jesus Christ- I mean, Njord. That’s my deity, right?

Elf Ranger: Yeah, the word of Njord.

Dward Fighter (whose alignment is sorta fuzzy): Yeah we got some antidote dude but uhh time cough up some gold pieces, aight

DM: So- these news fills him with both glee and fear. He sinks down on his feet-

Half-Elf Cleric: What was he on before

DM: -His knees. He sinks down on his knees, and he brings his hands together in your typical prayer like- he’s begging you. “Please, we have… nothing.”

Tiefling Warlock (Chaotic Neutral): sad trombone

DM: “Please, I- I have but one son, he and my daughter are- we won’t be able to do the amount of work- we need him!”

Tiefling Warlock: “Shall we move on, my fellows?”

DM: As you guys speak about this, Winnie the Pooh slides down from /Half-Elf Cleric/’s shoulders, where he’s been perched, and sort of waddles forward, past the begging father, and into the house, to join Christopher Robin.

Half-Elf Cleric: AWWWWWW

Dwarf Fighter: Ey he didn’t swipe the antidote from us, did he?

DM: No- no, you still got that.

Tiefling Warlock: I would’ve Eldritch Blasted his ass if he had.

Half-Elf Cleric: I think we should just give them the antidote.

DM: Like- just to clarify: the antidote is not like- a valuable thing. It’s just this one specific conconction for this particular- you won’t get more cash out of this anywhere else, nobody is gonna run up to you and go “oh, my father is in a magical coma and needs an antidote that-!” like. It’s literally worthless except for these people.

Tiefling Warlock: But we won't have to help someone pro bono.

Half-Elf Cleric: *annoyed sigh* I don’t give a damn about money.

Everyone except her: *horrified gasps*

Dwarf Fighter: … well, you guys do got a nice ass-

Everyone: WHAT

Dwarf Fighter: the donkey. You got a nice donkey.

DM: You… want the donkey.

Half-Elf Cleric: IS IT EEYORE

Everyone: YES we want the donkey.

DM: … The man looks at the donkey and then at you, and he goes “I- If it is a trade between the life of my son and my donkey, it’s- then it’s yours.” And- and Eeyore looks up at you all-

Everyone: YES IT’S EEYORE

DM: -and he goes “I figured I was going to get sold anyway…”

Half-Elf Cleric: AWWW

DM: and the farmer goes “AAA” cus he didn’t know he had a talking donkey

Dwarf Fighter: eyy hasn’t he seen Shrek talking donkeys means cash

DM: yeah well that doesn’t matter now cus he’s giving him to you guys

Dwarf Fighter: right you are

DM: and the man unties Eeyore and he sighs deeply and he goes “this surely won’t make things easier for us… but in exchange for my son… *sigh*”

Tiefling and Dwarf: oh stop moping around jesus hell

Half-Elf Cleric: EYY if I have a ‘set of commoners clothes’ can i give them to them cus they look poor right

DM: I guess

Half-Elf Cleric: EYYYYYYYYYYYY

DM: but then you’d be naked

Half-Elf Cleric: NÄÄÄIJ in that case fuck it you don’t get shit i’m sorry i tried

DM: -and you just start taking of your clothes to give them to the man, but you realise halfway through what you’re doing and you get dressed again

Tiefling: cover yourself, woman

DM: so- let me get this straight. You guys literally have a box on wheels that you pull along with you, and it is filled… with the golden heads of a pair of statues AND YOU WANNA TAKE THIS POOR FAMILYS DONKEY.

Tiefling: survival of the fittest, honey *grabs rope with Eeyore on the other end*

-they go inside and give Christopher Robin the antidote-

Christopher Robin: what the fuck

DM: And the family all rejoice at the awakening of their son, and they turn and thank you, and they’re in the middle of hugging you all when the farmer murmurs “They… they took the donkey.” and the whole family just. Goes quiet-

Dwarf Fighter: fucking tattletale?

DM: - and the mother sort of sinks down on her chair and she whisperes “How will we surviv-”

Tiefling: Oh for fucks- “look, woman, if you don’t shut up I’ll Eldritch Blast your ass-”

Half-Elf Cleric: “HEY WHAT”

DM: The woman gasps loudly and pales-

Dwarf Fighter: “Yo what’s the problem don’t you want a talking donkey”

Half-Elf Cleric: “I meant the whole threatening to KILL HER actually”

Tiefling: “I wasn’t threatening her, I was just stating a fact”

DM: That if she wouldn’t shut up you’d kill her?

Tiefling: It’s a very known fact.

DM: Winnie the Pooh is looking at Christopher Robin with such glee; it’s really indescribable how happy he’s looking, and he’s hopping around happily and he’s climbing up on the bed to give him a big old hug, and Christopher Robin, he goes- “What the- could you guys like take the bear away from me.”

Everyone: “WHAT”

Half-Elf Cleric: “Isn’t he like with you?”

Christopher Robin: “Wh- no? I just went into the woods and he just came up to me, and I found this ruin and he just followed me? And then I got stung by something and that’s all I remember? Could you like take him away he’s a bit creepy. And why is he pink?”

Half-Elf Cleric: “Well uhh he’s yours now. You don’t have a donkey anymore, so-”

DM: And this sorta comes as news to him cus when the father told the fam he had just woken up so he was a bit disoriented so now he goes “Wh-Why is-? What happened to our donkey?” And the father, he goes “Well, son, it was their demand to give you the antidote… and-”

Tiefling: “By the way… can we get this transaction on paper?”

DM: - and the boy turns to you incredulously, and he goes “But-! You can’t! We need that donkey, without it we’ll die!”

Dwarf: “You’re young and strong, boy, time to saddle up.”

Tiefling: “You got a bear now.”

DM: - And Christopher Robin starts to cry too, and he goes “You might’ve saved our lives, but you’ve killed our family-”

Dwarf: “Anywho, gots to go.”

DM: So, you go to leave the shedlike home, and the athmostphere is next to devastated-

Dwarf: “Okay, okay, I ain’t okay with this. We go here and save your life, and you guys are devastated? Really?”

Tiefling: “I agree entirely. Ungrateful runt.”

Cleric: “I-”

DM: “And Chrisopher Robin slams the door in your face.”

Cleric: “No, I was- I was gonna whisper to him "I didn’t want this, I wanted to let you have it for free-”

DM: -Okay, so you whisper that, and he just stares you down, and he shakes his head, and tears are falling down, and he just spits out “You’re just as bad as them for letting it happen anyway,” and he throws the door shut in front of your face after doing that.

Cleric: “GODDAMNIT”

DM: okay so like just to state- like, you guys are super welcome to just. give them something on your own accord, like, out of your own pocket, you picked up som gold in that temple, so if you want to-

Cleric: I WANNA GIVE THEM 100 GP

Tiefling: WHAT “NO, NO, DON’T” ok so I try to pursuade /cleric/ not to do it.

DM: You- you can’t roll to make another player do stuff they don’t wanna do.

Tiefling: Okay, uh “Hey, /cleric/. Don’t do it.” There, you’re pursuaded.

Cleric: … yeah, nah. I give them the gold.

DM: So- you hammer on the door and you shout “I GOT GOLD FOR YOU” or something like that, and Christopher Robin opens the door, and once he sees the gold you’re extending, he- he is so happy. He takes the gold and he goes to hug you, and the entire family comes out and does the same, they can buy like 3 donkeys now i dunno how GP works in dnd yet uhhh so-

Tiefling: Fuck this, I eldritch blast Christopher Robin.

Cleric: NO YOU DON’T i stand in the way.

DM: -Fine? Uh, roll an attack roll.

Tiefling: Twelve.

DM: You miss. You hit the ground.

Tiefling: … don’t I hit the house at least?

DM: NO YOU- WHY DO YOU WANT TO BURN THE HOUSE DOWN

Cleric: WHY WOULD YOU STILL ROLL WHEN I WAS STANING IN THE WAY- YOU TRIED TO KILL ME

Ranger: All of this for a donkey

DM: Nah, dude, you got the donkey. This is because /Cleric/ gave them 100 GP

Ranger: Oh okay

Dwarf: Yeah, but they’re super ungrateful. Bastards.

Cleric: Yeah but we can’t KILL THEM for that??

DM: so the family, they- after the attempted murder, they run back into the house.

Dwarf: Did they take the gold?

DM: Yeah.

Dwarf: Rat bastards.

DM: Does /Tiefling/ want to keep his spree of 'teaching people some manners’ going or?

Tiefling: Nahhh. But he does cast sleep on /Cleric/ cus he’s pissed.

Cleric: haHA i’m a half elf and I can’t be magically put to sleep!

Tiefling: Nvm then I’m tired.

DM: So- you guys walk away from the house, and just for a moment you hear the door opening and then quickly closing-

Ranger: No

DM: -and you turn, and- Winnie the Pooh has been tossed out of the house.

Dwarf: THIS IS WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT when Njord taketh a donkey he giveth thee an illuminescent bear, and they just TOSS HIM OUT

DM: - and Winne the Pooh sits on the ground very- very sadly. Had he had tear ducts, he would cry a single tear. He is on the ground-

Ranger: Still pink?

DM: Still pink.

Cleric: :’(

Ranger: ugh FINE let’s take him with us.

DM: You go and pick him up, and he is so happy. So, so happy.

Dwarf: what are we, collecting Winnie the Pooh characters?

DM: He’s on /clerics/ shoulder again-

Tiefling: Can’t we put him on Eeyores back?

Dwarf: Can’t we put EEYORE on WINNIE THE POOH’s back?

DM: You put Eeyore on Winnie the Pooh back, and you now have a donkey on top of a bear on the ground. They are not moving.

Cleric: Oh dear.

DM: And Eeyore sighs and goes “I knew I’d be too heavy”

Everyone: “AWWWWWW”

#shit my players say #dnd #submission #long post #stealing things for fun and profit #why npcs hate pcs #upsetting the dm

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sky-scribbles · 7 years

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Tanner Hawke’s playthrough of DA2 is done! I never did do a proper introductory post for him, so instead I’ll talk about some assorted thoughts I have about him and his story in the game, and throw in a bunch of my favourite screenshots.

Rambling about an aggressive pro-mage, Merrill-mancing rogue Hawke below the cut, plus my thoughts on several random things in the game.

(Ffs, my blog theme’s squishing my pretty screenshots again. I’ll see if I can sort that out soon.)

- I was a little worried about playing Red Hawke at first, but... I actually really enjoyed it? Where the red options got too aggressive, I’d switch briefly to green or purple, ‘cause Tanner’s a ‘lil jerk except he really isn’t at heart. He ended up about 80% red, 15% blue and 5% purple - and when speaking to his friends and loved ones, it was almost always blue and purple options. And even a lot of the red options were much more simply brutally honest rather than outright aggressive. I think I misjudged Red Hawke; I have rather a soft spot for them now. They come across, to me, as bitter, blunt, to-the-point and ready to fight, but not in the least dislikeable, as long as they’re not picking horrible options in the moral choices.

- This was my first time with Warden Bethany, and it was both heartbreaking and wonderful. The former because that first bitter letter she sent Tanner was just the saddest thing, and seeing her resentful of the Warden life and of the brother who loved her was just agony. But... she grew up so much. Circle Bethany is happier, but Warden Bethany is stronger, older, maybe even wiser, by the end. I ended up loving it far more than I expected.

(The family all looked really alike in this game too, which was amazing ‘cause my first Hawke looked like he was the milkman’s child.)

Sorry Fenris I know not all of us have great bonds with our sisters

- And the Merrill romance was just. The cutest thing. Few things have made me happier than seeing my withdrawn and hot-tempered Red Hawke melt into a gentle puddle around his sweet little elf.

I do wish there had been a bit more content to the romance - one flirt option in the entirety of act one and not a single one again until her personal quest halfway through act two? Not even an opening conversation in act 2? Really? If I remember rightly, Anders and Fenris both had multiple flirt options in their recruitment quests and post-recruitment convos, then more in their opening chats in act 2... and I really got the feeling of yes, these guys and my Hawkes were already forming an attraction soon after they met, and it’s been growing stronger these past years. With Merrill, I... didn’t get that so much. Which is absolutely not a knock on her character or her romance, both of which I loved! I’m just a sappy little thing who wants mooore.

Look at these cuties tho

- It was pretty interesting playing a character who is 100% behind tearing down the Templars almost right from the get-go. I wasn’t sure how Tanner would feel about the mage rebellion at first, but things were decided with a single line from Cullen in act one: ‘I’ve heard interesting things about your sister, Hawke. I hope they’re not true.’ Cue the incredibly protective Tanner dragging his sister to the Deep Roads with him to keep her away from the Templars, only to lose her to the Wardens and have her resent him for it. So Tanner pretty much blames the Templars for everything that’s gone wrong in his relationship with his sister, and that’s not something he forgives easily.

A big part of his character development was going from the Circle needs to be destroyed because the Templars did me a personal wrong to it needs to be destroyed because it’s the right thing to do. He alone of all my Hawkes so far didn’t really question Anders’s actions during the final stage of Justice, guessing that this was the first strike of the war against the Templars, and deciding that he was willing to be a part of that war.

Yes, I did the first stage of The Last Straw with a three-mage party. It was awesome.

- Tanner and Fenris had such a great friendship. Two withdrawn, bitter but good-hearted blade-wielders who don’t hold back when it comes to avenging the wrongs done to them... It’s a match made in the Golden City. I headcanon that Tanner spent a lot of his time ‘round Fenris’s mansion, both of them drinking and complaining about pretty much everything.

Battle buddies ftw.

Actually, Tanner had good friendships going with all the party - he was in the Rivalry zone with Aveline for some time, and I did consider pursuing that path with her, but in the end I just couldn’t do it; after some initial headbutting over their different methods, they came to respect each other immensely.

I think Varric and Anders drew for closeness with Tanner after Fenris - the former because he’s one of the only people who can get Tanner to open up and laugh, the latter because he made Tanner feel he could actually do something about the messed-up world that took his sister from him, rather than just venting his anger with mercenary work. Anders might not have the best handle on his own rage, but he sure was good at channelling Tanner’s into something productive.

Choosing my party was always a struggle; quite often it was ‘OK, which one of Varric, Fenris and Anders is being dragged along with Tanner, Merrill and Bethany this time?’ But I still had plenty of mix-and-matching, especially on personal quests, where I always tend to drag along the party members who get along with whoever’s quest I’m doing (Isabela tends to be a staple in personal quests, ‘cause she accepts everyone just as they are, bless her wonderful roguish heart.)

- It was my first time doing the Legacy DLC, and I loved it. Having more time to interact with Hawke’s sibling is an automatic win, and it also gave some extra exposition on Corypheus’s powers and motivation that really make me wish I’d had this DLC before I played DAI for the first time. Everything just makes sense once you see Corypheus calling upon Dumat, and being answered with nothing. I can’t wait to do the DLC again when I replay Dalton and Bryony, my first two Hawkes.

All in all, I loved this playthrough to death. Rogue combat was amazing (Tanner was so overpowered by the end - Mark of Death plus Assassinate took out bosses with terrifying speed) and I’m very, very fond of Tanner, his tiny elf wife, and his bickering found family. This game still continues to own my heart - it’s so personal, so full of character, so focused on emotion.

What’s up next? I’m probably going back to SWTOR and Mass Effect for a bit, but when I return to Dragon Age... the Inquisitor in Tanner’s universe is gonna be a dwarven warrior named Tova Cadash who’ll romance Sera, but she’s going to be on hold for a bit. Mostly because I have a fierce desire to replay my first Warden and Hawke and... I’m not sure I can fight it.

#dragon age #dragon age 2 #rogue hawke #red hawke #hawke x merrill #warden bethany #pro-mage #oc: tanner hawke

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nomanicsdak · 5 years

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New Post has been published on https://manicdak.com/misfortunate-son/

Misfortunate Son

What Could Have Been

I return to the game still besieged by bandits to shoot some arrows and—-Now, I’m not sure, but I think the guards from a house nearby have joined the fray and killed the bandits for me. I shoot a few arrows around (definitely not enough to kill four or so bandits several levels above me!) and then go hide for a second and all of a sudden the guards are back guarding their house and ignoring me because I’m not breaking in, and Demokritos has the ‘you have completed this leg of the quest, come talk to me now’ diamond above his head. Huh.

Nobody’s laughing now

*shrug* I’m not above letting an npc or the local wildlife complete a quest for me.

The sad news is that Demokritos’s poet lady friend has been murdered before he can tell her his feelings in the form of atomic theory. I choose the sentimental option whilst comforting him: He should read it to her anyway. He just wants to be left alone and wonders what could have happened in another life. I could have been his student, and he could have had his love. Ah, well. I tell him not to think about the past could have beens, and he gives me some drachmae and a scientist hat for my services. I am super bummed out now. Is there a simple fetch quest I can do now to chill out a little bit before I head off to see the pirate woman for more mom clues?

I’ll just wander around in that direction and do some locations. Also, I’m going to check on Pythagoras’s cultist clue. He is a dude called the Mytilenian the Shark; A fixer who put evidence of the cult’s evil doings into the ocean. Great, a boat guy! Maybe I’ll come across him while meeting with pirates! So, I make my way to another pirate island, stopping once again at the silver isles to get my boat because there are no fast travel points nearby my destination yet. There is a cultist on this new island—not the one I just unmasked, but a different one. I manage to get him with only one bar of health. Seriously, why isn’t my health regenerating???? I consult the interwebs to see if it’s a bug, but it is not. I have equipped a cursed object!

It gives me 100% damage in exchange for only having 1/4 of my health. No thanks. I’m not that good at hitting stuff!

Quid Pro Quo?

Cultist dispatched, I head off to meet Xenia, the Pirate queen. I vaguely register that I have entered a restricted area but nothing seems to be happening, so I just hop across some roofs to Pirate HQ and only notice that literally everyone in the village is chasing me right at the very end.

Xenia

Xenia is not happy to see me and wants to know what I’m doing breaking into her village. They are not down with strangers here! Like—I really had no idea I was supposed to be sneaking, but okay. I let her in on the deets. Anthousa, sent me, I’m looking for my family etc… She will help me for drachmae that I do not have because I keep paying off my own bounties like a richy rich person. Maybe it’s just the game though, because I can now earn money by doing tasks for her pirate friends. I feel like I’d probably have to do them whether I had the money or not.

If there is any luck maybe this piratical quest will be less educational than the last one. I am on the Isle of Misfortune today. Doing favours for pirates because I am being extorted by the pirate queen, Xenia. She’s just going to tell me my mom got on a boat and went to some other undisclosed location, isn’t she? I will have run out of clues at this point.

I am getting ahead of myself though.

The first pirate I meet looks like Timotheus of the seductive brothers quest, except less blonde. He wants me to fly Xenia’s colours and show the other seafaring vessels who’s the boss. You got it, my dude. I easily defeat 2 Spartan Vessels and 2 Athenian Vessels, but I can’t find any other pirate vessels. What the heck?

I go to bed and return another day to find some pirates and move on to the next quest.

This time I have to retrieve a treasure map for one of Xenia’s associates. Easy enough, but then she shows up right outside the target’s house acting all cagey and suspicious. She doesn’t want to go diving in shark waters herself for this treasure, so It’s up to me. I agree to this, naturally, because I agree to any old tasks.

I head back to sea and get turned around, so instead of heading to the treasure location, I just head toward the nearest exclamation point instead. Here I find a stranded pirate crew on some tiny island and they are about ready to kill the Captain. He is super apologetic about stranding them there and begs me to take him back to pirate island. His excuse for this crash is that he was so excited about sinking their target ship that he crashed his own ship on the rocks. Perhaps he’s not a great captain, but does he really need to perish for it? I don’t think so, so I agree to his terms.

The crew is not having it, so we have to fight them to escape.

Next up is the treasure. Apparently these super shark infested waters are very dangerous, but I just swim pass the sharks like Elle Woods getting into Harvard law. When I surface there is a nearby ship, but I don’t think it’s my ship. I am besieged with doubt now, though, so I swim to it anyway, and it’s not. It’s that shady pirate lady’s ship. She is here to double cross me. I try to lie and say there was no treasure, but she’s not buying it. She’s going to try and kill me no matter what. I fight a little, but decide that it’s a dumb idea to take on her crew by myself when I have a perfectly good crew to help nearby.

See, if I defeat her ship with my ship then all my lieutenants that I recruited will join me! I jump off her ship, swim to my ship and get to sinking (her ship, not mine) We all board and take them out pretty easily. I also get to keep the treasure, which was some armor I think.

Now it’s time to deliver the wayward captain back to Xenia. Turns out it is her brother! Whew, I am super glad I did not side with the crew on this one. Xenia is also a person whose bad side I don’t want to be on. She’s like twice my size and way meaner. In any case, she still chastises her bro and gives me his armor, even though it’s their dad’s armor.

Southward Bound!

I have two more tasks, one is to retrieve some of those special expensive bricks I found earlier, (I still have to find more though. At least I know where they are and what they are for this time.) The other is to steal the national treasure from the big fort on the other side of the island. There is nothing remarkable about either of these journeys except for the huge amounts of wild pigs and lions on this island. How did they get here?

The Phoenix Remembered

Money in hand, Xenia will now tell me about my mom! YES. I should have done her quest first! The highlights:

Myrrine was a pirate. Her pirate code name was Phoenix. Alexios is surprised that mom is so cool.

She was Xenia’s friend and Xenia wished she would have stayed, but alas, she had to move on again.

She went somewhere to the south. It is at least a direction which is more than I got from Hippokrates and Anthousa.

Let us see what the South has for us!

Waving on the Wind like Feathers

I kid. I actually have to return to Athens and consult Phoibe’s new mentor Aspasia But, first, before I can do that I am compelled to finish all the locations on this current island. At some point I get fed up with all the boars and lions wreaking havoc everywhere and just decide to go hunting. I need the pelts to upgrade my snake armor! Also, at another point while doing all these things, I notice Xenia has another task for me.

This time it’s another treasure hunt. She wants me to go find Zeus’s golden feather which was given to Ajax and woven into an ox hide shield that once belonged to a giant and though the shield is gone the feather remains. I get three treasure maps to figure it out.

Damn, I guess it’s not the feather from Athena4Real then. Maybe if I earn enough feathers I can create a whole bird. Sorry, Ikaros! In any case, I hope this whole operation doesn’t lead me back to that damn cyclops. I still do not have the fortitude to attempt that battle.

In any case, I’m putting off the main quest to quest for this treasure instead! As you do.

This is all much harder than I think it’s going to be when I finally look at the treasure maps. They are just vaguely rendered drawings of islands with an X on them, so now I have to scour the map and find the topography that matches. Easier said than done, my friends.

I find an okay looking spot that might match the first map, but it’s in an undiscovered area. Barnabus sails me over there and drops me off at a quarry where everyone is ten levels above me, but ignores me. I get a bunch of XPs after I steal their loot, so all those stormy seas were worth more than nothing at the very least.

A Tragic Scene

I find another spot near Athens and figure I’ll check it out even though there’s no river there and there is on the map. Who knows. I fast travel and get a cut scene.

Geez, looks like there was some kind of massacre happening here. There are some dead people and an injured dude implores for help and the sky is all murky and rainy and tinted sepia. Either something bad happened here, or we somehow fast traveled to Mexico.

I guess I’ll check in with Aspasia before I continue with my feather treasure quest.

As I head on, I pass by Kleon talking shit about Pickles some more. He wants to make Athen’s great again, which still isn’t winning me over to his side of things. I’m supposed to talk to him, but Aspasia is first on my priority list at least.

Okay, here’s the deets: Perikles is sick. He wants to go to his Parthenon and he doesn’t want to see Hippokrates or anybody really.

Little known Plague Symptom: Brown Skies

I guess the Plague has taken over Athens and not Sparta ransacking the place like I first thought. Is this the same plague I unleashed on my home island? Maybe I should have investigated that sooner. In any case, Aspasia will only talk to me about mom if I go help out Perikles and get him to take his meds. Of course I will! I will talk to Kleon first just to get it over with though.

I don’t find him, but I do find Hippokrates. He doesn’t know where this came from, but he doesn’t know it spreads through err…bodily fluids. His recommendation is to burn the bodies so it can’t spread more. I agree to help him out and I have to avoid some religious fanatics whilst doing it of course. I wish I could impart my future knowledge of vaccines onto this situation, but alas.

After that’s done, I don’t think I have to actually talk to Kleon, so I won’t. Time to see Perikles. He takes his medicine and is all sad and despondent about Athens dying of plague and Kleon taking over when he dies, and the gods abandoning him. He feels like he should live out his last moments in the Parthenon. Both me and Aspasia agree that he probably shouldn’t risk the travel what with his illness and fanatics running around.

I have to run back to Aspasia now and give her the news that Perikles took his medicines, and now I get to be sad with her. This quest is just running back and forth being sad.

Isn’t the Literal Plague Enough?

I’d really like to get out of here and not die of the Plague, but alas again, dear Phoibe has gone missing on an errand. I chastise Aspasia for sending the kid out in the dangerous streets and now I have to go and retriever her.

When I get to the dude’s house she’s supposed to be running her errand at, I don’t find her, but I do find everybody dead. After I look at the clues, which don’t clue me into much of anything except maybe my sis is sending a message for the cult, my only instruction is to exit. I sense an upcoming cut scene. Possibly with Kassandra.

Nope. I hear a scream and have to go rescue Phoibe from the cult. I make sure to get as far away from her as possible to do battle. Like…I don’t think I can kill an MC accidentally or out of historical context, but I did once accidentally stab Sokrates which didn’t do anything but it did make me feel really bad (and sometimes my horse collapses if we fall off a really high cliff or a lion jumps us, and that makes me feel even worse.)

And after I do away with the guards I return to find Phoibe already dead anyway. Like, I had a feeling this was coming eventually, but it still hurts.

I leave an eagle carving in her hand and say a prayer. Seriously, these cult fuckers are going down. Hippokrates and Sokrates arrive to inform me that Pickles is missing (where did Sokrates come from? He is everywhere!), but I just want to give Aspasia the what for for putting Phoibe in danger in the first place. I manhandle Hippokrates a bit and they tell me to look in the Parthenon and agree that I should probably use their level headed escort before I do something regrettable.

Kassandra, No!

Well, I don’t (do anything regrettable) . In fact I choose not to blame Aspasia. I mean, she’s not a cultist as far as I know. I vow to avenge Phoibe. Sokrates and Hippokrates arrive to tell us how everything has gotten even more sucky in the past few minutes and in the meanwhile Perikles is indeed inside and it sounds like he’s being attacked or something.

Oh, cool, Demios aka Kassandra is there with Perikles in a classic…Oh crap, she’s going to break his neck pose. No, she has a knife. She does that instead without much preface except the usual ‘you can’t stop me, Greece belongs to me etc…nonsense’, and this is a cut scene so I can’t do anything to stop her anyway.

Is this how Perikles actually died? (No, he died of the plague in real history apparently)

After I defeat Kassandra’s guards, I promise to give my remaining friends refuge on my boat. It’s getting a bit crowded on this thing.

First some Athenian soldiers try to stop us from getting on board because Kleon said so. I knew that guy was a dick. It doesnt take long to defeat those guys and upon doing so Hippokrates and Sokrates inform me that they must stay in Athens to help her get back on her feet. I try to convince them to come with me, but they’re going to fight the good fight. I make them promise to give Phoibe a proper burial and on that, the sourest of notes, Me and Aspasia are on our way!

#assassin's creed #Athens #Demokritos #odyssey #Plague #Assassin's Creed #Games #Odyssey

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iimmcrtalis-archive · 7 years

Text

DA verse

a summary post of all my active muses verse(s) in dragon age because i’m f EELING IT BOYS. except terry for rn bc it’ll be Hard. one day. gonna try and go in a from least knowledge bout their verse to extensive knowledge of ‘em so. ayy

this is a pretty long post i apologize to those on mobile!!

Nova; mage(???), human ( ? ), possibly a distant noble

probably a mage? because blue space magic is her jam. though she’s actually more of a combat & tech. she was like well rounded in that regard so i’m considering iunno??? battlemage maybe w/ lockpicking who knows. she’s a sneaky mage that can stab u real good.

would probably also assume she’s pretty good as inquisitor because she would treat it as her role and thing she still has to bare and takes it seriously. like nova is no nonsense as inquisitor but absolute nonsense when she’s not playing that role lmao.

Morgan; mage?? human af ye. defo a noble blood t BH.

i unno man. iunno. is he a mage? yeah probably. would he be a legit battlemage + arcane warrior? probably. Would i say he uses a real sword? pro b ab ly. like listen he’s a beefy mage who wears normal armor and probably looks like a fckn non mage but bOOM SUDDENLY LIGHTNING FROM HIS HAND W H AT

iunno he’s a mage and he’s aggressive as FUCKKKK. aggro as fuck. probably sides withhh iunno both he’d want both and think it’s wasted potential to only have one lmao. iunno he’s hard to figure out man. he’d ultimately probably be like templars because actual ppl who know how to fight. but also wouldn’t wanna condemn the mageS??? so who knows who knows.

anyways he probably likes blackwall and the iron bull and viv and cass?? and just ye. chills w/ them a lot probably. probably would flirt w/ cass tho god. butw/e no he’s uhhhh real aggressive as a fckn inquisitor like every body getting beheaded. except a few probably.. he would probably make uh... whats his name... tranquil tbh. worse fate than death that yes he would wish on his enemies bc otherwise they get what they want & too risky otherwise.

Igne; old af elf, probably an assassin combo w/ magic??

like listen if you tell me that they can’t be both ima fckn punt u bc really that’s dumb. defeats the point of multiclassing in the fantasy genre of g am es. anyways really tho they’re old. old as balls. probably? iunno. probably served like... andruil for a while or somethin! got a lil lil corrupted but didn’t want it and wanted freedom so they were like FUCK THIS SHIT IM OUTTIE

how’d they live? no idea. not a single clue bc i just don’t know jackshit bout ancient elf shit anymore (when did i ever) but honestly. it’s probably a thing right? old af elves everywhere. but no no they’d probably even annoy sera bc like they’re literally?? nonsense. violent af nonsense. hanging off a roof with a fckn potato in their mouth & lookin ready to murder.

it’s a look™ but nah thinkin that u hhh corruption shit is probably what gave them a red eye ayyy

inquisitor igne is like dagger eyes at solas but doesn’t snitch on him ever not even once. she’s got his back man. she’d be like cool i’ll plaY BOTH SIDES SUre. sure. no mercy run on ppl tho god

EVELYN / ISENE; old af elf. got that fckn combo again

it’s a theme really, combo classes. all my muses? multiclassed fuckers. for a detailed everything, please refer to her old blog bc this is gonna be a stupid summary of it so ayyy.

old as dicks dude. lost her arm in the rebellion, against the rebellion. served elgar’nan because he fits her the most tbh. still sort of serves him i guess. like if he showed up she wouldn’t hesitate to follow his orders is what i mean here. otherwise she keeps up the facade of being a former dalish elf mercenary. and definitely doesn’t shy away from admitting she’s got magic. never calls herself a mage because like lmao

she has a fckn big ol sword she carries around one handed? and if ur like UR JUST A MAGE she’s gonna use said big ol sword to chop ur head off. not a fan of modern mages tho lmao. at all. like not a lot of sympathy for them. but she would also just kick a circles door in and be like cool leave gtfo you weaklin lil fucks jfc go learn somethin.

would fight solas in a denny’s parking lot at 2am if she knew jack shit. but she really doesn’t so she’s like ur weird and i dont trust you butyeah lm ao

Eludysia; ngl i unno if she’s old old but she’s Old. Old seer lady.

honestly i think she’s not gonna have much of a da verse in general but it exists enough that i feel like i should cover it here. but essentially she’s an old elf seer in rivain. leader of a port side town. No chantry or qunari around its a lot of elves tho. refugees and what not from kirkwall and stuff.

i unno if she’s an ancient elf but i know she’s old. like real old. so who knows

if she is ancient she probably woulda been like a priestess to ?? falon’din or dirthamen??? because seer shit but like even in a current state she’s fairly devoted to on e o f them or both? probably both lmao. so it’s w/e.

she’s the former keeper of the clan revas got sent to, which is where revas’ mom is also from and how she gets to that clan. but she was keeper of the clan for like.. a long time like a long time. like that bald fuck from da:o but without plaguing people with a curse. iunno how she did it but magic and better than that shit.

more important if revas is inquisitor because lmao she’d probably be like.. welp im gonna come guide you?? probably. shit she’s probably like emerald knights old tho shit but no fuckin!!! probably comes to be an advisor.

i think if u go revas as commander/advisor or inquisitor in a thread eludysia’s probs gonna show up and be like sup but otherwise she’s mainly just a contact in rivain for info and resources!! no special quest or anything u can just contact her for stuff.

Warren; half-elf, half-qunari. big man w/ a bow.

&& a thick af accent let’s be real here.

i haven’t made a post about his shit yet so! this one might be a lil longer!!

grew up in/around starkhaven. in an alienage somewhere really! but he’s got that starkhaven accent. probably just fumbled his way there because honestly he got fucking ditched by his people and has no idea who his parents are lmao. just knows his mom died during child birth and he was fuckin cursed essentially via his?? clan or something. that qunari bit of him is real obvious as his horns grew out and probably had a harsh life in an alienage.

because he’s not an elf. but he’s not human. and he’s not a qunari. so he’s just. him.

eventually falls in with some ppl who teach him to steal. so he does a lot and then gets busted and they fckn break his horns off and chop his ears!!! and throw him the fuck out. as you do. but they taught him to use a bow so he’s good with that. and knives. good at close quarters and a long range.

gets better with a bow. real top knotch stuff. ends up in a mercenary crew (same one as qunari inquisitor? probably.) enjoys his merc lifestyle ya know has a good time killin shit

anyways. companion warren is p much like ‘Strength & force.’ because he has no tact and doesn’t care about politics. like one day i’ll have his approval / disapproval shit. but today is not that day.

but the same applies to his inquisitor shit. he’s fucking brutal as an inquisitor. cares about the little people but FUCK the rich. takes the well for himself ( tho if i would also say revas is there bc i can and she’d take it) but generally just!! give him power and let him kill shit!! that’s all he cares about. tho he wouldn’t kill samson or calpernia bc he doesn’t see them as enemies or villains truly? just pawns in a big scheme and he’d probably stare corypheus in the face and be like get fucked you saggy fuck

he’s great, great guy.

Revas: Keeper. Dreamer. Dalish elf.

literally like most people know Revas’ Dragon Age basics!! but if you don’t i’ll just direct you to her old blog, so you know what’s up. i’ll put it into a summary the best i can tho!

Backstory: short and simple? #fucked. expanded? she was born to the lavellan clan to one of the head hunters & warriors. ended up having magic so she was sort of training to become second, or first, till her moms old clan was like hey we need a new first so uhhhh help us out. and they traded some goods and revas went on her way. ended up being a fucked up situation where the previous first was murdered by two clanmates who eventually tried ( and did) murder revas but she came back bc lmao spirit help & ended up killing them and leaving for her actions.

Dragon Age: Awakening: full page about it Takes place shortly after this event happened. she lived on her own for awhile, protecting people as much as she could from darkspawn during the blight. ends up going to the wardens because someone doesn’t appreciate her help since she’s a Mage. The choices made by the warden in regards to her effect how she becomes a warden and the rest of the timeline. Sort of a branch off feel. highly recommend taking a look at the page and also this post.

DA 2: If not in the Awakening verse, Revas travels around to the clans. becoming a traveling keeper & helping the clans the best she can. As well as finding ruins and exploring man memories from lost objects. Eventually finds her way to Kirkwall to actually speak with Merrill. But some other shenanigans play out and some stuff goes down. Ends up helping in the fight at the end and leaving with Zevran ( @allurfavesrqueer‘s zevran only lmao. )

DA:I Companion: Shows up in fereldan with some tree peeps. gets some elvhen shit. offers her services to the inquisition bc that’s what her spirit told her to do. and ya know real fucky. shares some approvals as solas but usually has some pretty contrasting opinions on things! Will defo take on the role of like older sibling or sibling figure with the inquisitor if they’re close enough. Be kind to elves & mages and you’re good. ( also she’s an option to take the well if the inquisitor doesn’t want it)

Advisor: Takes up an offer by the inquistor to become an advisor which is more or less her using her network with the elves around the countries to do certain objectives and what not. acts a bit like an ambassador for the elves & mages in the meetings to give them a voice and remind the human board of trusteeeess that they’re fucking not the only ones around :))

Commander: Mainly with @desiderrium‘s Cullen. Basically Revas takes over for Cullen? at his request kinda because she’s like what the fuck you’re whAT. and gets pissed at everyone else for keeping him on when he’s Not Okay even if she’d rather kick his teeth in 99% of the time. why revas take over? because she’s actually p fuckin qualified, gestures vaguely towards being a first and the advisor au. like she knows how to lead ppl so ayy.

Inquisitor: Same ish backstory happens except her parents died to the blight and she left the clan for the other and ye same shit happens. but the clans ask her to go check shit out for them and shes like of course and gets caught up in the mess so.

ALRIGHTY !!

so that got long but yea!! hopefully this is a more condensed version of stuff and good for reference later.

#:: ooc #:: condensed stuff #i'd tag all the characters involved but nah #ima link it somewhere tho #long post /

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fuckyeahliphlich · 7 years

Text

I’ve received an unexpected e-mail

[ 2017-05-12 13:40:02 , LIPHLICH OFFICIAL BLOG TRANSLATION ]

(//Notes at the beginning this time. This is all ONE long blog post, not several. It took me several days to translate. -Throughout the entire post, the word hentai is used repeatedly. This can mean pervert/weirdo, but is also just used for hentai manga and such, so I simply use it how it fits the sentence. I mention this because you need to be aware that it is the same word. -The scene from The Castle of Cagliostro that Kuga talks about can be found here. -The story in the post parodies one of the most famous Japanese fairytales, Momotarō. Watch an English version here if you like. -Fuji Pro - Fuji Productions is the company LIPHLICH is associated with. Also gestaltzerfall seems to be a phenomenon when you stare at two kanji and can’t remember how to read them..? Or something of the like. Probably Ggerman in origin.//) ____

Tags: Kuga Shingo

Unchanging as always It was an evening without anything

I was immersed in work When you’re working, there are times when you’re nervous, but also times when you concentrate intensely on the incoming stuff

This time I was concentrating

Unchanging as always It was an evening without anything

I got an email

The sender is our office manager

It’s a work e-mail, so I stop working and check the contents

If I am to say what kinda e-mail it was, The subject was the title of the exclusive pick-up bonus for the Jishuban Club CD shop for our next new single “Youki na nowaaru” that comes out in summer

Or rather, I was only sent the “title” of the bonus

Below↓↓↓　I quote without alteration

―――――――――――――――――――――――――――――

“Hentaitarō/Pervert Tarō“

Once upon a time, in some place, old man Fuji Pro lived in Shinjuku. Old man Fuji Pro was introduced by a friend of his to some young men. Then when the old man Fuji Pro went to meet up with them, a huge hentai came floating by. “Oh my, this is some good hentai” The old man Fuji Pro picked the hentai up and carried it home. So, the old man Fuji Pro tried and tried to talk to the hentai, when all of a sudden, a fine, energetic pervert sprung out of it. “This can be no other than a pervert given to me by God!” The old man, who had no pervs of his own, was delighted. The old man named the pervert that was born out of the hentai Hentaitarō. Hentaitarō grew quickly, and soon became a strong pervert.

And so one day, Hentaitarō said. “I’m gonna pervily put on some pervy clothes or something, and go to Onigashima to stand on stage” Somebody made some pervy clothes for him, and he set out for Onigashima. On his way, he met a person with weird hair called Kobayashi Takaaki. “Mr. Hentaitarō, where are you going?” "I’m going to Onigashima to stand on stage” “Then, please give me one pervy outfit you carry attached to your waist. I’ll go with you.” Kobayashi Takaaki received the pervy outfit, and followed Hentaitarō on his way. Next, he met Black-rimmed Glasses. "Mr. Hentaitarō, where are you going?” "I’m going to Onigashima to stand on stage” “Then, please give me one pervy outfit you carry attached to your waist. I’ll go with you.” After that, he met a pheasant. "Mr. Hentaitarō, where are you going?” "I’m going to Onigashima to stand on stage” “Well, I’ll leave that to you, I don’t know much about that” And so, Hentaitarō and the friends he’d made, Kobayashi Takaaki and Black-rimmed Glasses, finally made it to Onigashima.

On Onigashima, the oni were in the middle of drinking while sorting through treasure stolen from a nearby village. "Look at me!” Hentaitarō was grinning broadly for some reason, Kobayashi Takaaki was playing a taiko drum, and Black-rimmed Glasses was selling CDs intensively. So Hentaitarō, grinning broadly and looking all weird, went berserk on them. Eventually, the boss of the oni went, “We’re defeated, we’re defeated, this is it, somebody help”, apologizing with his hands clasped together. Hentaitarō, Kobayashi Takaaki and Black-rimmed Glasses quickly loaded up on treasure they took from the oni, and made it home healthy and well. When old man Fuji Pro saw Hentaitarō’s weird appearance, he had an indescribable expression. And so Hentaitarō lived happily ever after thanks to the treasure and his pervy clothes. The end

―――――――――――――――――――――――――――――

The manager wrote a few words at the end

“I want you to ponder it”

“I want you to return my power of concentration”

As I desist from trying to reply, I think a bit

Want me to …. ponder it………. ?

It’s been a while too since I’d gone on parroting something in my head like that

Thoughts are suspended when people come across something that passes over their understanding

※Ponder (verb): to think about a thing really well until it becomes clear

So to make Hentaitarō all clear, let’s speculate with thoughts deeper than the sea, ha-ha (smacks a hand on a shoulder) In other words, what I want to say

“Throooow it”

I’ll swallow these few words like I drink up my black coffee

It’s hard, seems to be all weird, all like gestaltzerfall

It’s just become a little interesting

O~ka~y, let’s sort out the characters

・Old man Fuji Pro = the person who sent this e-mail, the manager

・It goes without saying that Hentaitarō is Shindō Wataru

・Kobayashi Takaaki is the same Kobayashi Takaaki

・Black-rimmed Glasses is the shop manager of Jishuban Club

・The pheasant… it acts like it doesn’t want to go against public order, so it would be just a person with regular morals From the pheasant’s dialogue we can read “Well, I’ll leave that to you, I don’t know much about that” I don’t know much about that It’s strange to say that Takky seems to fit the pheasant

Soo for now I will attempt a liberal ‘translation’ It seems to be a dramatization of a true story

―――――――――――――――――――――――――――――

“Hentaitarō/Pervert Tarō“

Once upon a time, in some place, old man Fuji Pro lived in Shinjuku. ↑ From the beginning we’re introduced to the story with a contradiction Its grip is excellent It was around summer~autumn 2011 or so, our manager was in Shinjuku The story is introduced like this

Old man Fuji Pro was introduced by a friend of his to some young men. ↑ These young men are LIPHLICH at that time Yesyes, through the introduction of a third party, we met with the manager for the first time It’s a nostalgic story

Then when the old man Fuji Pro went to meet up with them, a huge hentai came floating by. ↑ Yep, suddenly abandoned everyone but Wataru-kun〜☆ Tumble~ tumble~ no turn for me〜♪

“Oh my, this is some good hentai” The old man Fuji Pro picked the hentai up and carried it home. ↑ Yes yes Our diligent talk ended after nearly an hour, and I can still remember to this day how fidgety Wataru-kun became afterwards I’ve become accustomed to it already, but both his looks and verbal expression were really weird for sure He’ll become a good perv,I was convinced Some pervert clairvoyance

So, the old man Fuji Pro tried and tried to talk to the hentai, when all of a sudden, a fine, energetic pervert sprung out of it. ↑ Somehow a Shindō Wataru came out of a Shindō Wataru… and I’m trying to understand it but I can’t at all It’s really a thought maze - labyrinth - horror hentai - like a matryoshka

“This can be no other than a pervert given to me by God!” The old man, who had no pervs of his own, was delighted. ↑ It was like that

The old man named the pervert that was born out of the hentai Hentaitarō. ↑ It was like that

Hentaitarō grew quickly, and soon became a strong pervert. ↑ This is from 2011 until circa 2013 I think I remember the time when the perv became strong for sure It was a time when everyone was training to level up That hasn’t changed to this day, but at that time it was really frantic

And so one day, Hentaitarō said. “I’m gonna pervily put on some pervy clothes or something, and go to Onigashima to stand on stage” ↑ Huh

Somebody made some pervy clothes for him, and he set out for Onigashima. ↑ Huh!!!!

On his way, he met a person with weird hair called Kobayashi Takaaki. "Mr. Hentaitarō, where are you going?” "I’m going to Onigashima to stand on stage” “Then, please give me one pervy outfit you carry attached to your waist. I’ll go with you.” Kobayashi Takaaki received the pervy outfit, and followed Hentaitarō on his way. ↑ 2016, Kobayan joined It summarizes the events from around then nicely First companion

Next, he met Black-rimmed Glasses. "Mr. Hentaitarō, where are you going?” "I’m going to Onigashima to stand on stage” “Then, please give me one pervy outfit you carry attached to your waist. I’ll go with you.” ↑ Suddenly the store managed from Jishuban Club gets involvedーーーー!!!! Second companion

After that, he met a pheasant. "Mr. Hentaitarō, where are you going?” "I’m going to Onigashima to stand on stage” “Well, I’ll leave that to you, I don’t know much about that” ↑ The person who honors pubblic morals disguised as the third companion In this whole wide world, there are people who can not become friends no matter what you do It can’t be helped When depicting these conflicting things like that, the story gains depth It is successful Compared to JOJO’s 5th series, it’s Pannacota Fugo

And so, Hentaitarō and the friends he’d made, Kobayashi Takaaki and Black-rimmed Glasses, finally made it to Onigashima. ↑ Yepyep Seems the story progresses towards the next stage

On Onigashima, the oni were in the middle of drinking while sorting through treasure stolen from a nearby village. "Look at me! ↑ Really, he’s such a guy “Look at me!” is a strong like that reveals Hentaitarō’s character in just a few words In order to draw the reader’s attention, there must be an instance of him going wild like that Di・le・m・ma

Hentaitarō was grinning broadly for some reason, Kobayashi Takaaki was playing a taiko drum, and Black-rimmed Glasses was selling CDs intensively. ↑ Everyone’s doing what they should be doing to the best of their ability It’s the base for every party that sets out on an adventure Hentaitarō’s laughing with a grin I wonder if it was said in Dragon Quest, whether a gadabout would have a speech frame like that

So Hentaitarō, grinning broadly and looking all weird, went berserk on them. ↑ Go Hentaitarō! (Don’t you play bass though)

Eventually, the boss of the oni went, “We’re defeated, we’re defeated, this is it, somebody help”, apologizing with his hands clasped together. Hentaitarō, Kobayashi Takaaki and Black-rimmed Glasses quickly loaded up on treasure they took from the oni, and made it home healthy and well. ↑ Hentaitarō’s strength knows no limits! (I can understand perfectly how defeated the oni felt)

When old man Fuji Pro saw Hentaitarō’s weird appearance, he had an indescribable expression. ↑ This is a very important part And I can sympathize with old man Fuji Pro a lot Expressed in animation, the part at the end where the famous scene comes

This face that the old man Fuji Pro made when he couldn’t say anything was, in other words, like this

It’s similar to the last famous scene from The Castle of Cagliostro

Inspector: “Lupin managed to steal something again☆” Clarisse: “No, that person didn’t steal anything~” Inspector: “No, he stole something quite extraordinary” Clarisse: “???” Inspector: “Your heart☆” ※Clarisse makes a really nice face “Yes❤︎”

That famous scene that everyone knows There many people will think, “Certainly!”, I presume

The face that Clarisse made when she said her “Yes❤︎” and the face that old man Fuji Pro made may be completely different, but their essence seems similar

And so Hentaitarō lived happily ever after thanks to the treasure and his pervy clothes. ↑ Final conclusion We have arrived to it, so wonderful wonderful

The end

―――――――――――――――――――――――――――――

So in other words, the title was The magnificent history that condensed the six years from when Hentaitarō and old man Fuji Pro first met, up until now As one would expect from a Jishuban Club bonus (I can’t understand the contents completely )

……

But thinking back upon it

It resembles the first time I met up with Hentaitarō, too

At the time when I thought, ah, I really want an impactful member,

I met this person called Shindō Wataru

"Hey, this is some good pervert”

I thought of course … even ended up thinking it unconsciously

“This can be no other than a pervert given to me by God!”

I thought a bit like that

Thinking about it… This person, Shindō Wataru…, people need hentai somewhere in their hearts To fill up this hole in the hearts of such people, as a messenger of God that flew down from the heavens, perhaps he’s a hentai angel

What the hell

Oh, God Thank you For the perv that you made so well, that now plays bass by my side sometimes, all grinning

Come to think of it, God This band of perverts, LIPHLICH, that you’ve made so well, They’re planning on releasing a new single this summer, called Youki na nowaaru

..Also, God, On July 23rd at a place called Ebisu LIQUIDROOM, with these well-made perverts we’re doing a oneman live called Noir Spectacle We’re doing fastest priority admission for that live till May 14th To say it precisely, it is accepted until May 14th, 23:59

Oh, God Click here

When I met Hentaitarō, when I met old man Fuji Pro, when I met Takky, when I met Kobayan, when I met the store manager from Jishuban Club, when I met plenty other people, wherever I went they surely thought, “Oh, this is a huge weirdo, huge weirdo”

Today, keep going, Hentaitarō

I feel like I could feel truly deep love towards the Hentaitarō put into that title Thank you, Hentaitarō

Best regards from here on too, Hentaitarō

This way or another, this is how I turned out writing this blog post

The end

Kuga

#LIPHLICH #Kuga Shingo #liphlichblog #translation

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mllemaenad · 8 years

Note

Vivienne says herself that not every Circle experience is the same and thus admits her """"privilege"""" as... a mage... and a black woman (shown in a banter with Cole, there is indeed colorism in at least Orlais) caught in the same system... as everyone else... why does everyone say that her being successful in a systematically oppressive environment make her a bad guy. I love your analysis stuff but don't be That Guy

... I ... well, look. I’m sorry if I have said something offensive. I am capable of it, I know.

But ... I don’t think she’s ‘a bad guy’, any more than I think that of the Iron Bull or Dorian. I am disappointed in a great many of Bioware’s writing choices in Inquisition, and I include some of Vivienne’s story in that disappointment.

I mean, let’s be clear here: Vivienne is amazing. She got out. She got herself right the fuck out of that Circle and all the way to the Orlesian court. She’s a candidate for the role of Divine, despite being a mage. A breaker of boundaries, a long-term survivor – indeed winner of the Game – and one of the few mages in southern Thedas to have actual combat training.

Vivienne can be kind to those she likes and respects, and give solid advice in a crisis, she can play high politics and dirty tricks with the same aplomb, she is fierce in battle and deadly at court.

She is an incredible and accomplished woman.

But do I think she admits and understands the full extent of her privilege? No. Further, I think much of what she learned in the Orlesian court was actively harmful and wrong. Orlais is a cruel and vicious place. It is bigoted, violent and awful, and has strong prejudices against mages, elves, non-Andrastians and foreigners of all descriptions – I doubt I can begin to imagine the slurs and insults they’d have for a woman of Rivaini heritage. I daresay Cole barely scratches the surface.

Mages rise quickly in the new Circle, having more freedom and responsibility than ever before - even if all true power lies with her.

Epilogue – Inquisition

That’s Vivienne’s ending slide if you make her Divine, and it makes me so sad. It makes sense, of course, that she would do these things. In Orlais self-interest is all. You’re a fool if you don’t accrue as much power as you can, because you can’t trust anyone but yourself. And of course she treats her fellow mages well: she is absolutely not a villain.

But – oh, Vivienne, Vivienne, what have you done? You brought the mages back to the Circles, and you placed the Divine over them with absolute power. I trust you not to go around butchering them or making them Tranquil; of course I do. But your successor? Or the one who comes after her? Them I do not trust. They’re not going to stop hating mages in Orlais because one sits on the Sunburst Throne. Orlais being ... Orlais, they may well hate them more. You’ve given your successor a weapon, Vivienne, and it’s pointed right at the mages’ throats.

And you did it because you only know Orlais and the Game. Because you don’t much like things outside of it. And – and this part isn’t your fault – because they gave you so little opportunity to learn.

They silenced Fiona, you see. They took the quest for the mage rebellion and flung it into the future, into a world that has so little to do with their struggles. All those voices that cried out in the earlier games and the novels – they shut them up nicely.

Solas speaks in favour of the rebellion, a bit, but he is fundamentally outside it. He favours the rebellion of slaves in general rather than this one specifically. He can’t talk about it like someone on the inside could.

Why is Fiona – elven woman, mage, former slave – standing meekly in the library instead of right up in your face, arguing. I would pay to see your duel of words: I may think Fiona is right and you are wrong, but you’re both so damn smart and brave and interesting, it would be worth it just to watch the fight.

Why doesn’t In Hushed Whispers put you in with the rebellion, withstanding a Templar siege, allowing the rebels to be courageous and desperate and afraid instead of just – giving you a couple of discontented voices in a pub? Why can’t Vivienne walk into the heart of that with you, and hear what they have to say?

I don’t think she fully appreciates how much suffering she escaped – or indeed, how much harm the Circle did to her, and how much harm it will continue to do, if she restores it.

Vivienne: You must see the value in restoring the circles, Cassandra.

Cassandra: Provided they fulfill their purpose. Too many have suffered since the mage rebellion began, but we cannot ignore the abuses that prompted it. Without change, we risk repeating the events at Kirkwall.

Vivienne: Or recreating its opposite. An overly lenient circle is a comparable threat. Kirkwall is lamentable, but it was the misuse of power, not restrictions, that led to the first Blight.

– Vivienne Dialogue

They could have sent you to Kirkwall, Vivienne. They could have done it to you when you were ten years old, too young to know how to stop them. Of course you acknowledge that what happened in Kirkwall was an abuse of power: you’re neither a fool nor a monster. But the person who sent you wouldn’t have been abusing power. You’d have been nothing more than part of a quota. It’s their job to shuffle mages around: alleviate overcrowding here, supplement some talent there. That’s the Circle: guardians of mages, treating them like children and packing them off to places for ‘their own good’.

They’d have made you Tranquil, Vivienne. Or they’d have snuffed out your life in some dark corner. Because you don’t know how to be mediocre. It would destroy you to pretend to be just average at magic, to sit in your cell and do nothing, and make sure never to draw attention to yourself.

The Circle has killed so many people, Vivienne, only through not caring what they wanted. Why can’t Hawke tell you that, Vivienne? Why can’t a pro-mage Hawke howl their outrage at this? You could be Karl Thekla, Vivienne, if your luck had been a little different, and Hawke would know that.

Cassandra: You would prefer to have the templars return to guarding the circles, Vivienne?

Vivienne: Of course, my dear. They need better oversight, clearly, but one does not throw away a tool because it was misused.

Cassandra: Few mages would ask for templars in the circle.

Vivienne: Speak to Ferelden's first enchanter. You might be surprised. When abominations ravaged your tower, suddenly the world holds far too few templars.

– Vivienne Dialogue

Did you ask him, Vivienne? Or did you just believe what the Chantry said about that little incident? I can only think the latter, because First Enchanter Irving could have told you that the Templars just ran away from trouble. They locked all the mages in with the demons, Vivienne, even the children, and they plotted to murder them all. Think of that, Vivienne: I know demons frighten you. The Templars would have had no qualms about letting them rip out your heart.

It was mages who saved the day, Vivienne. It was Wynne who protected survivors, and then fought her way to the top of the tower to free her fellows. It was Niall who got the Litany of Adralla. Maybe the Hero of Ferelden was a mage too. And Irving and his people – so many of them resisted torture that they could still make up an army to fight the Archdemon. And they did that, too.

Why can’t Leliana tell you that, Vivienne? She was there. She favoured helping the mages. She could tell you who was better at fighting demons; who was brave enough to face them down and win.

Inquisitor: Cole, Vivienne doesn't want to talk right now.

Cole: She's afraid!

Cole: Everything bright, roar of anger as the demon rears. No, I will not fall. No one will control me ever again.

Cole: Flash of white as the world comes back. Shaking, hollow, Harrowed, but smiling at templars to show them I'm me.

Cole: I am not like that. I can protect you. If templars come for you, I will kill them.

Vivienne: Delightful.

– Vivienne Dialogue

The Circle did that to you, Vivienne. It forced you to fight a demon, it made you smile at the Templars who dragged you in there because they’d kill you if you didn’t. And it’s left you so scared. You’re scared of Cole; you’re scared of any spirit. You do care about him: you’re more than smart enough to see past the horrors of your training, to realise he’s a person and worry about him. But you’ll likely never kill that fear, Vivienne. And they’ll do it to more mages, Vivienne. Some of them will die, and some of them will be left as scared as you. They do it to spirits, too: every bit of misinformation, every bungled summoning, every spirit dragged into the world against its will and turned into a demon – because the Chantry thinks it knows about spirits when it bloody doesn’t.

You could listen to the Avvar, Vivienne, or we could go to Rivain. You could talk about it with Dorian, when the pair of you have finished snarking. You could listen to a Dalish Inquisitor. We could find ways to show you that it needn’t be this way, if only the opportunities were there.

I don’t want to destroy Vivienne, or make her less than she is. I want her to keep on being awesome, and being a candidate for Divine. I just want the game to engage with some of the points it brings up, instead of just letting it sit there.

What I wrote about her was one line in a post that was otherwise about the Iron Bull. I referenced Cassandra, Dorian and Cullen in the same paragraph, precisely because Vivienne is often singled out and I don’t think that’s fair because the problem is not with her, but rather with the game’s writing in general. It was meant to point out that most of the characters have this problem: they are dangerously wrong on some point, favouring oppressive systems or bigotry, and the game does nothing with it at all – at best it lets the Inquisitor deliver an objection that is not in any sense ‘remembered’ by the game in later quests or dialogue.

But – that said, I am flawed, and I am more than capable of being wrong. I wrote all of this to explain my issues with the game in relation to Vivienne, as I did in relation to the Iron Bull before. I could write much the same thing for any character in Inquisition.

If you still think I’m being unfair to her, or prejudiced, then say so and I’ll simply apologise. I can remove the line from the earlier post, too, if you like.

#Anonymous

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hermanwatts · 5 years

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Swords & Dark Magic

Swords & Dark Magic (Eos/Harper Collins, 2010). Edited by Jonathan Strahan and Lou Anders.

This was a book that I read over eight years ago and came across a review while looking for an old file. This was a sword-and-sorcery fiction anthology of original fiction from a mainstream publisher. I really enjoyed Andrew Offutt’s Swords Against Darkness and Page & Reinhardt’s Heroic Fantasy back in the day and was hoping this would be the start of a new era.

The first warning sign was the cover. The cover painting for the trade paperback edition is just horrible. I have seen small press books that looked way better. The second warning was “The New Sword and Sorcery” phrase under the title. Whenever something is called “new,” watch out.

The introduction is entitled “Check Your Dark Lord at the Door,” which will infuriate some Tolkien fans. The editors think that sword-and-sorcery is smaller scale than high fantasy. I could argue against that citing Hour of the Dragon as an example. There is a very fast mini-history of the sub-genre where Karl Edward Wagner is not mentioned while Andre Norton and Marion Zimmer Bradley are.

“Steven Erikson” has written humongous doorstop fantasy novels that I have not read. I don’t like never ending series and I generally don’t like novels that go over the 100,000 word mark. This is the first Erickson that I have read. “Goats of Glory” has a small group of soldiers wandering into a village off the beaten track. Glenn Cook’s “Black Company” series has had its influence and impact. I would describe Cook and also this Erikson story as “military fantasy” more than “sword and sorcery.” Just like if you read enough science fiction, you can subtly differentiate between space opera and military science fiction, military fantasy has split off and become a separate animal from sword and sorcery. I would present that we now have a new sub-genre that could be called “military fantasy” that is unique and different enough from sword and sorcery to warrant its own designation. Some of Erikson’s soldiers are women. I have a problem with this. Destroy our modern world and women are going to be back to what they did before the industrial revolution. “Erikson” is supposedly has a background in archaeology and anthropology, but he presents very up to date correct gender attitudes. Characters have names such as Snotty, Dullbreath, and Swillman. Here is some typical Erikson prose: “The place stank of pig shit and the flies buzzed thick as black smoke.”

The soldiers are lured to spend the night in an abandoned fortress. Turns out, the fortress is infested with demons. A great idea but–less would have been more. The characters wipe out hundreds of demons in the fighting. The horror effect is markedly diminished. I think a more suspenseful story could have been written.

Glen Cook has been a very influential writer for about the past 25 years. It all started with the story “Raker” in the Magazine of Fantasy and Science Fiction (August 1982), where he introduced the Black Company. Cook expanded “Raker” into The Black Company, the story of a motley group of mercenaries amidst a huge sorcerous war in a fantasy world. It is no coincidence that Cook served in a Marine Recon unit. Perhaps we should call this “jarhead fantasy.” Cook’s prose for this series is very stripped down with little in the way of adjectives being used. He reminds me of the way that “Paul Cain” attempted to take the hard-boiled crime story to sparse extreme in the mid-1930s. The Black Company books are rather dialogue driven for my tastes.

“Tides Elba” is an episode wherein the Black Company has to track down a descendent of the Dominator who about to mate with another of his descendents. The resulting child would have been a vessel into which the Dominator could project his soul. The story is disturbing with the revelation at the end while getting there is a chore.

Cook is in many ways the godfather for many of the authors for this anthology.

The inclusion of Gene Wolfe does raise the level of attention for this book. Wolfe is considered a writer’s writer. Wolfe never jumped to my A list. I read his Book of the New Sun years back and my response was I had read this before by Clark Ashton Smith and Jack Vance. I did like Wolfe’s story in Cross Plains Universe though. “Bloodsport” is in the first person. The story starts out relating the participation in something called The Game, which is sort of like real-life chess with people. After one game, the town is attacked by “Hunas” who are described just like the historical Huns. Valorius, the narrating knight, and a female pawn escape, and organize a band of fugitives into a small resistance force. That section ends abruptly, Valorius and Lurn the pawn travel to the mountains where the Game originated. An enchanted mountain meadow is found where Lurn is armed and crowned as a queen. Valorius then kills her in a fight and that is how the story ends.

James Enge is a relative newcomer. He got his start with a series in Black Gate magazine about Morlock Ambrosius the Maker. Enge has said Roger Zelazny and Jack Vance were big influences I also see Michael Moorcock in the mix. There is a spear with a demon trapped within it. Enge’s prose on one hand attempts the urbanity of Fritz Leiber or Jack Vance but juxtaposed is anachronistic sounding dialogue such as “You killed my bartender!” The character shows a Jack Vance influence, the plot coupons are from Michael Moorcock. There is a certain vibe of older sword and sorcery to give a sense of déjà vu all over again.

C. J. Cherryh’s “A Wizard in Wiscezan” uses the same world that she used for “A Thief in Korianth” way back in 1981 for Flashing Swords #5. Cherryh is an old pro going back 35 years with D.A.W. Books. She has produced a competent if not overly engrossing tale of infiltration into the keep and assassination of a usurper and his wizard by means of an illusionist.

“A Rich Full Week” by K. J. Parker is written in first person and is a good case of what I think is so wrong with fantasy of the past 20 years. The story is dialogue driven. With a few minor changes, the story could be set in suburbia. The dialogue is mostly inane, takes up space, and does little to propel the story. Read some Dashiell Hammett and Raymond Chandler if you are going to write a first person story with mostly dialogue.

Garth Nix is an Australian writer of young adult novels whom I am unfamiliar with. “A Suitable Present For a Sorcerous Puppet” is a story that has an interesting idea if not high octane in execution. It is clever with a recuperating knight accidentally coming across an ancient curse.

To put things in context, a book containing a Michael Moorcock story in 2010 would be like having a new C. L. Moore Jirel story in 1982. Moorcock’s “Red Pearls” is the keystone story or rather novella for this book. Moorcock brings nothing particularly new in this Elric story but then again, there has been little really new about Elric since the original ten stories in Science Fantasy 1961-1964. There is more multi-dimensional hokum but I have to say this is one of the better Elric stories of the past 20+ years.

I can remember about six years ago, John Pelan of Midnight House Press telling me of some horror writers who wanted to write sword and sorcery. I remember Tim Lebbon’s name from that conversation. Lebbon has been writing some novels with a fantasy setting. “The Deification of Dal Bamore” is in the same world as Echo City Falls (2010). To set the tone, here is some Lebbon prose:

“Bamore is hanging upside down from the ceiling. He is streaked with blood and feces. Beneath him, there is a large bowl collecting all fluids that leak from him.”

There is torture and then a prolonged street fight while on the way for a crucifixion. Something I have noted, Echo City is not described at all. I have no idea what it looks like as there was no description given.

Robert Silverberg has written some of my favorite space opera and adventure science fiction. He is on the fictionmags yahoo group and I like the guy. He has a story “Dark Times At the Midnight Market” set on his planet of Majipoor. It is a “cute” story that elicits a chuckle. The story is nothing major, but competently done and in contrast in tone to most of the other stories in this book.

Sooner or later, a serial killer sword and sorcery story was bound to happen. Greg Keyes’ “The Undefiled” has Fool Wolf possessed by a spirit or godlet who makes him do very bad things. The same idea in Robert Bloch’s classic “Enoch.” Keyes’ has a habit of not explaining things very well in portions of the story. He also jumps a scene before it is finished using innuendo for the reader to fill in. The problem is the innuendo is rather nebulous.

I have been reading Michael Shea since Nifft the Lean came out in the early 80s. He is one of those writers that you must concentrate in order to get everything. You will miss something if you don’t. “Hew the Tintmaster” is starts out in the world of Nifft. Bront the Inexorable teams up with Hew the Tintmaster (i.e. house painter) on a quest for a wizard who is paying handsomely. They are sent to Jack Vance’s Dying Earth and then meet Cugel the Clever. Remember that Shea got his start with A Quest for Simbalis featuring Cugel. In some ways, Bront and Hew are the most conventional sword and sorcery characters up to now in this book. They are also the most heroic in their own way.

I was waiting for a Harry Potter sword and sorcery story to happen and Scott Lynch’s “In the Stacks” is that story. If you like Harry Potter, you will like this story. Set in a library with a wizard pupil who decides to go mega maniacal.

Tanith Lee has been in Swords Against Darkness, Heroic Fantasy, and the paperback Weird Tales. A friend of mine thinks of her as closest thing to a modern Clark Ashton Smith. “Two Lions, A Witch, And the War-Robe” is typical Tanith Lee. The story is very fantastic as is often typical with Lee. This story would not be out of place in one of her old collections such as The Gorgon.

Caitlin R. Kiernan is another horror writer now moving into sword and sorcery. “The Sea Troll’s Daughter” is probably the worst story in this anthology. The story begins after the action is over. The dialogue is top-notch:

“Why, you ungrateful, two-faced gaggle of sheep-fuckers.”

A sword woman amazon kills a sea-troll terrorizing the town. The story starts with her after the fight. The narrative is about drinking and lesbian seduction of a bar-maid.

Bill Willingham’s “Thieves of Daring” reads as sort of homage to Fritz Leiber. It is an entertaining enough vignette. He keeps up the suspense and the reader interested. I hope Willingham keeps it up and writes longer works of fiction.

Joe Abercrombie has been getting a fair amount of press. I have known people who like him, know others who don’t like his fiction at all. This is my first introduction. “The Fool Jobs” has a sort of Dirty Dozen meets Deliverance with swords plot. The characters are all unlikable, which is probably the point. The writing is matter of fact with a little description to paint a depressing landscape. Get Abercrombie a thesaurus as “fucking” seems to be every tenth word he uses.

“Cause it’s my fucking job to fucking tell you to the fucking thing is why, Yon fucking Cumber,” or “Use your cock as a spoon.”

Somebody has a potty mouth. I will say that Abercrombie can write an action scene. I just can’t say reading him is the most pleasurable experience.

So there you have it, the first sword and sorcery anthology in a while. The last anthology I can think of is Swords Against the Millennium from the turn of the century.

First impression– disappointment. My own name for the book is Swords and Excrement. If this is the new sword and sorcery, I want no part of it. I can remember reading Page & Reinhardt’s Heroic Fantasy and the enjoyment and entertainment I got during a rather bad time in my life. I actually dreaded reading this book each night before too long. I couldn’t wait to be done.

The editors have no background in sword and sorcery that I know of. Lou Anders seems to have the most background in Star Trek and Star Wars books and magazines. Jonathan Strahan has edited (new) space opera anthologies. They might have ideas brought in from other sub-genres.

You can divide the book into three categories– the D.A.W. Fantasy Reader (Shea, Cherryh, Lee, and Moorcock), uninteresting writing (Nix) and the scatological.

If you are going to write sword and sorcery, you must engage in landscaping. Landscaping is a term used in conjunction to Zane Gray’s description of the West. The author must do some background painting with words. Sword and sorcery is not a modern day thriller with swords. One of my gripes with Glenn Cook’s Black Company series is the utter lack of any detail. There are too many stories where you have no idea of regarding the architecture, clothing or costumes, weapons etc. Describe the kind of swords used for example. You don’t have to do an info dump, but some detail goes a long way. My own opinion is dialogue driven stories don’t work in sword and sorcery. This isn’t a T.V. show.

The better sword and sorcery writers who came out of the 1970s got their start in the small press. They started out writing short stories, then novelettes. A few then made the jump to mass market paperbacks that were generally 80,000 words long. Now it is backwards, the writers of the past ten to twenty years start out writing 700 page novels for seemingly never ending series. They have no concept of economy. You can stretch out a novel with lots of dialogue. In a 15,000 word story, you have to move it along and talking is not the way to do it.

Readers in the past have been attracted to the glitter, pageantry, and Technicolor of sword and sorcery. Replacing it with mud, feces, and urine is not a good business plan for growing the genre. I was telling John C. Hocking (Conan and the Emerald Lotus) about this anthology. He thinks that maybe our lives are so easy now that getting covered in excrement is about as horrible as some writers can imagine. As one friend of mine said, just because someone takes a dump does not mean it has to be shown. There was not one conventional heroic story in this book.

If you are going to write about a barbarian serial killer, have the gonadal fortitude to channel a little Brett Easton Ellis and show a serial killer in action.

Horror writers– sword and sorcery is not horror. Changing the scene from cars to horses and from guns to swords does not make for automatically a good sword and sorcery story. The gothic element is key in classic sword and sorcery over horror. There is a difference.

When I wrote this review in 2012, there was unease out there with by friends of mine. The increasing scatological obsession was one issue. Nihilism and lack of heroism is another. Literary moral relativism and realism creeping in from the mainstream as a source of contamination. At the time, I was not sure if these were separate issues or all facets of the same thing. I now see it as all part of a cultural change that has accelerated the past ten or so years. I bought Swords & Dark Magic at the local Barnes & Noble store and then felt burned when a few months later it was offered at Edward R. Hamilton online for about 1/6 of the original price. Now I wait.

Swords & Dark Magic published first on https://sixchexus.weebly.com/

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