#i think im gonna just like. start every episode and then skip when i get annoyed coz lord 💀

[mwagneto]

why is it that literally Every Single Woman moffat writes as a love interest for the doctor is someone he meets when they're little girls and he's a grown ass man and they all grow up idolising him. and he also has a whole episode where a grown woman befriends and spends a day with a child every day for her but once a year for him and then she gets with him like a few days after meeting him as like an 8 then 9 then 10 etc etc year old. i need this man to die

[stuck-in-the-ghost-zone]

MAC HI don't mind me i just finished the genloss founders cut and im putting my ful lreview in ur inbox bc u said u weren't gonna watch it i think but i want 2 share my thoughts with someone who will not rip me to shreds for criticizing it even slightly <3

OK. I'M NOT GONNA LIE. IT KINDA SLAPPED. maybe i just think it was really good in comparison to the original four hours of streams that dragged on. i honestly thought the original streams of genloss were longer but NO all three streams add up to about four hours???? it just felt so much longer when i originally watched it i guess!!! u can understand why i am sure. but the founders cut was like two and a half and oh my goddddd cutting out a lot of it made such a huge difference. holy shit. like i definitely did get bored and skip through a little bit but honestly i didn't skip through much!! every time i got to a part where i was like "oh fuck not THIS bit that goes on for 30-45 minutes god dammit" it ended up being like maybe ten minutes at most which was SUCH A GODSEND. i am delighted to report that they cut the half hour cooking bit in the first episode down to like 7-8 minutes <3 the best surprise ranboo could have given me tbh. like with the way things were cut down and framed differently i actually laughed at a couple points????? WILD. did not think i would find any genuine comedy here. lowkey there were points that were funny. insane

honestly with the unfunny bits being cut down, it actually let the slightly more serious lore bits shine more, and the payoff for when it got to the third episode felt SO much more deserved. like. the original streams i'd probably give a 3/10 collectively and that's being generous but i would unironically say the founder's cut deserves like a 7/10. maybe a 7.5 if i found it in myself to ignore the bad special effects. (there was still plenty of bad comedy ngl i still don't know why charlie slimecicle's face was superimposed on a towel. that scene was nothing. it was literally nothing. they could have removed it and it would change nothing but they kept it in idk why)

ANYWAY. if they had released genloss like this first maybe i would unironically be a fan of it now. tbh. i would still be making fun of the bad comedy and the horror that was barely horror but i think i would actually be like participating in the fandom a lil and i would probably find it in me to find some charm in the bad special effects. all in all Not Bad!! not good, but not like actively bad. ofc im still running on the adrenaline of the ending because episode 3 was objectively the best out of them all so maybe my perception is skewed but. kinda decent. 7/10 👍 anyway i hope ur havin a good day i hope to finish pd season one soon over the next couple days!!!!!

taking the cowards route and putting my thoughts under the cut bc a lot of my mutuals these days really enjoy genloss and i don't want them to be mad at me

(genloss crit/neg/whatever under the cut)

dude this makes me so unironically sad . why the FUCK was genloss what it was the first time around when this was obviously the better route to go from the very beginning. I am still staunchly in my "I don't like genloss" position but. I DID WATCH IT. i sat through ALL of the original streams and it was so miserable for me. im not going 2 watxh the directors cut or whatever bc i dont hate myself enough to sit through all of that again but i trust your opinion!! if only it would've been planned out thought out prerecorded videos from the start I also probably would not hate it as much as I do!!! maybe I even would've liked it !!! (<< not likely bc i do have Other Issues with it than just the fact that it was too long too unfunny too unfocused etc whatever im getting into hater territory sorry. always welcome 2 genloss fans to try to explain to my why its Good Actually so i can recommend them actual horror media)

like . the streams added absolutely NOTHING to it other than that final choice scene or whatever. and even if they wanted to do that still u know what would've been an awesome smart choice??? prerecord and edit the whole thing and then premiere THAT video on twitch- then when it comes time for the final choice you can still have people vote!! then you can have two separate endings prepared based on which way the vote was swaying. like. its that easy. it would've made the whole experience so much more enjoyable . ughhghghg the fucking wasted potential on HOURS of unfunny badly improvved bits is so devastating

personally I still cant excuse the bad effects considering the amount of times ranboo bragged about the genloss budget like. maybe you should've used your resources better and also if it would've just been prerecorded from the start things wouldn't look as rushed as they did but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ what do I know !!

anyway I'm so glad this version was better but for me it will always ALWAYS be tainted by the . misery I felt while watching the streams lmaoooo . I wanted to like genloss so bad. I tried so hard. head in hands !!!!!!!!!!!

[chobani-flip]

so... I've been tagged by @newtkelly (WHO HAS A WIP IN THE WORKS WHICH IS GONNA BE SO AWESOME OMG GO READ ALL THE FICS I LOOOOOOVE) and @alchemistc (THE AMAZING ALCHEMISTIC MAGE OF AWESOME WRITERY POWERS WHO WRITES TRULY EXCELLENT FICS ????DAILY????? GO READ) to put my music on shuffle & list the first 10 songs + tag 10 people

but

the thing is... i... kinda don't listen to music? 👀👀👀 i know, i know, believe me.

like, i am not an alien, i have heard music before, but i don't go out of my way to listen to music in my regular day to day life.

so rather than just not taking part, or trying hard to come up with songs i really love a lot (which, they totally exist! but i can never think of one until i hear it on the radio or in a shop or as background song on a show or something) im gonna tell you about the audiobooks i found really fucking cool and my one podcast i adore:

the podcast AKA the only reason i have spotify on my laptop :

Ridiculous Crime (iHeartRadio) -

Zaron Burnett and Elizabeth Dutton talk about "outlandish capers, heists and cons" to "shine a light on the absurd side of criminality". "Always 99% murder-free and 100% ridiculous". i adore this podcast so fucking much, i am willing to 15sec+ manually skip the embedded ads that appear in LOOOONG chunks at the start, at the 20 minute mark, at the 40 minute mark and at the end of the episodes. also, Elizabeth Dutton is a 911 fan and she's the one whose endorsement finally made me decide to give the show another try. like, srsly, if you've gone off true crime because while you enjoy listening to RL stories and mysteries but all the sensationalizing of brutal crimes just got too much made it impossible to consume? THIS IS THE PODCAST FOR YOU (just srsly, skip the ads, they're fucking annoying

⬆is one of my favourite episodes

the audiobooks:

Vital Organs - Suzie Edge

this is a book full of extremely interesting stories from history connected to various bodyparts.

this is the tagline: From Napoleon's penis to Van Gogh's ear, from Marie Antoinette's teeth to Marie Curie's bone marrow, this book brings together the remarkable stories of body parts that have made history. and you might get the impression that it's going to be a bunch of kings and queens and famous people from that (and like yeah, they're there obviously) but there are so many fascinating stories about people you've never heard of? it's really cool. the one that really stuck with me was about the creator of the Braille writing system, Louis Braille.

Ask A Historian: 50 Surprising Answers To Things You Always Wanted To Know - Greg Jenner

(he also has a podcast, my friend loves it - that's how i found out about the book - but i have space for only one podcast in my heart)

abso-fucking-lutely excellent and interesting and hilarious. remember the tumblr post about the corpse pope put on trial? well, that one was one of the questions Greg Jenner got asked and he talks about the Cadaver Synod in great detail. Mansa Musa, ever heard of him? No? well, google the name and you'll be just as outraged as i was when you realise just how massive and influential he and his Mali Empire was and how your (generally really good) history classes and textbooks never fucking mentioned him. you'll also find out when the first monday was, and why the devil is a goat, and what the Flintstones ot right about Stone Age

A Curious History of Sex - Kate Lister

(also has a podcast apparently, but like i said i can only manage one)

It's a really really cool and interesting book 😁 here's the tagline:

This is not a comprehensive study of every sexual quirk, kink and ritual across all cultures throughout time, as that would entail writing an encyclopaedia. Rather, this is a drop in the ocean, a paddle in the shallow end of sex history, but I hope you will get pleasantly wet nonetheless.

Savage Appetites: Four True Stories of Women, Crime and Obsession - Rachel Monroe

so this isn't true crime, but it's about true crime, it explores why people, and women especially, are fascinated by it. it's not particularly accusatory or judgemental since the author is interrogating her own fascination, but it doesn't shy away from the nastier implications and sides of being enthralled by true crime.

honestly, this describes it really well: Combining personal narrative, reportage, and a sociological examination of violence and media in the 20th and 21st centuries, Savage Appetites is a "corrective to the genre it interrogates" (The New Statesman), scrupulously exploring empathy, justice, and the persistent appeal of crime.

currently listening to: Salt: A World History by Mark Kurlansky

did you know that the word salacious comes from salt? because people believed that salt made you horny and virile? and also that it protected you from evil spirits so in some places in the world (like France and others) in the middle ages, infants would be bathed in brine and salted before a baptism? and that salad is a salad and also from salt because the Romans loved to salt their assorted veggies, when they weren't making garum, the salty stinky fermented fishsauce? AND THAT SOLDIER IS A SOLDIER BECAUSE IN SOME PARTS THEY USED TO BE PAID IN SALT AND SOL AND SALT AND AAAAA i love it so much

ok 🤣 im done. now, i am aware that this was very much not the assignment if the assignment was getting recommendations for music, but if the assignment was finding out more about the person behind the blog, well, here you are 😁 these are the things i find cool and interesting

__

no pressure tagging: @wakeupnew @tiltingheartand @26-cats-in-a-trenchcoat

@kinard-buckley @bugboybuck @mistmarauder

@jackmichaela @do-androids-dream-ao3acc @so-that-was-okay

@apartmentsmoke

[prinnamon]

alright fuck it, top 5 freeman's mind quotes/bits since i accidentally started keeping track of my favorite moments by virtue of the fact that i was basically live texting a friend exact quotes while i watched

5

"Is that..? Oh my God, it's a rocket launcher. The perfect gift for the man who has everything. Ohh. You and I are gonna go places. My mind is spinning with new possibilities. You are the first good news I've had all day." (picking up rockets) "Yes, I'll bring your friends…." (helicopter whirring) "Hark! Dost thou hear with thine ears what I hear with mine?" (equipping rocket launcher) "Interloper!…Have at thee!"

4

"So, worst case scenario, we're only talking brain cancer. I can live with that."

3

"You know, everyone's always told me that I'm paranoid and I need to calm down. But guess what? I'm alive. And everyone who said that is dead. That's the ultimate proof that someone doesn't know what they're talking about. 'Follow my advice and you'll die just like me! Huh-heh!' I have the US military spray-painting my name on a wall, setting laser traps, and firing a fucking rocket launcher at me, and people have the gall to call me paranoid. Fuck them! Fuck everybody! Anyone who doesn't listen to me deserves the fate they get! I should kill everyone just on principle!…See, this is what I'm talking about. 'Aliens aren't invading, Freeman. You're just being paranoid.' 'The mailman's not spying on you, Freeman. You're just being paranoid.' What else!? 'There's no society of anthropomorphic frog people living in the sewer, Freeman. You're just being paranoid.' 'Owls can't read your thoughts, Freeman. You're just being paranoid.' Bet you wouldn't call me paranoid now if you were still alive."

2

"You know, when they invented the atomic bomb, they were afraid it was going to catch the atmosphere on fire and burn up the whole earth, but they did it anyway. That took balls. Not us, though. The only people taking the risks were the ones that didn't understand them in the first place. We're not brave. We're just stupid."

and finally:

1

I can fire at a target and hit it at least half the time Or graph out an electron path while using only numbers prime! I calculate the fall rate of a bullet shot a thousand yards And perforate the thick heads of a hundred military guards! I can make a simulation of an atom bomb and build one, too, Or flank a dozen men and ambush ten of them out of the blue! From SMGs to RPGs, I carry quite an arsenal… And skip around a warzone like a subatomic particle! Still no chorus! Okay, come on, sing and I won't kill you! ...Those of you that are left, I mean. Ah. Okay, there we go. Ahem. Every solider out here wants to kill me for my curiosity! I wage war on the whole damn world because of my tenacity! In matters combat tactical and physics theoretical, I am the very model of a modern Major-General! Alright, no one else is even trying to sing along. I quit.

my fuckin jaw dropped when he started singing and im pretty sure i clapped my hand over my mouth like a victorian woman when the new verses started. out of all pieces of media, i think freeman's mind was the one i least expected to have a musical episode. just for that it's the best one by far

[as-i-watch]

in my opinion i think the opla did a very good job of trying to emulate the one piece manga and anime, but there’s a part of the anime that they can’t really convey through the live action. like… i think that the cartooniness of one piece, as well as the occasional emotional moments is what makes one piece one piece, but while the opla was able to get some of it, being a live action, it wasn’t able to convey all of it

it’s still wonderful, and i love it, but i like to compare it to the percy jackson movies. good live actions in their own right (still think opla did it WAY better) but compared to the original, it falls short (percy jackson a lot, opla a tiny bit)

i think the main issue for me is the characterisation. inaki did a very good luffy, but you can clearly see how it’s so inaki luffy instead of luffy luffy. still good, but still different

and i think mackenyu did zoro well, but in my opinion, it doesn’t fit him very well. zoro (while i still love him) isn’t as pretty as mackenyu is. mackenyu is too much of a pretty boy

i actually remember hearing in an interview that mackenyu grew up with anime, and of course one piece. i think he emulates zoro extremely well, and he tries his best to make it anime accurate, but he as a person just doesn't fit perfectly, the vibes are kinda off. still absolutely in love with him though

i think that it shouldn't have skipped so many parts of the original, but of course, it completely makes sense why they did

anyways, like i said, i think that if you don't compare them to each other, it's very good, and i do love how they did it (i'm also so happy that so many people loved the live action that they're actually starting to watch the anime!!)

I just finished episode 3 but i totally agree

My biggest fear when the adaptstion was announced was precisely that, bc one piece is so one of a kind, it can make you smile, it can make you sad, you cry tears of joy and of pain, and the anime takes the time to develope the charecters, the stories and the world, so sometimes the emotions are conveyed in such a subtle but effective way bc they took the time to make sure it did. Not to mention the tone and aesthetic. There's a lot that was gonna be difficult to translate to live action

That said, so far i think they did it great! I think they found a certain balance between the cartoonish and the 'real world' lets call it, and they took advantage very cleverly of cgi and practical effects to achive that too.

I agree the thing that perhaps lacks for me too is the charecters and also the pasing imo. But again, it was impossible to fit the storytelling way of the famously 'too long' anime in a 8 episodes per series format.

I too think Luffy feels the most different, i already talked a bit about that and i think it was just the result of it being a western production plus the complex charecter Luffy is. But Iñaki put so much love into his Luffy, you can feel it, its endearing

I dont have a problem with Mackenyu's Zoro funny enough. Sure, i miss how silly anime Zoro can be (but again, the tone thing) and they tried to make it too purposefully imo. Zoro is not edgy. He is badass and a maniac but he doesnt want to wear only black or cares about pressenting an "attitude". But there's a ray of hope for me (i havent finish the show so it might change my mind), the biggest stupid ass smile when he said he'd cut Helmepo's hair. He can be silly and less serious, so i hope i get to see more of that as he feels more comfortable in the crew.

Nami i like, im waiting for the Arlong park arc to make up my mind bc thats where her true colors shine either way. Really liking her dynamic with Luffy so far tho

Havent seen Sanji yet

And Usopp, i just met him and this might sound mean but this Usopp is too cool. Kinda like what you said for Zoro. I think this Usopp has more confidence in himself than anime/manga Usopp did back then and he is not that much of a coward. The coward part is important bc every time he stood up to fight it meant so much more. But again, is early for me to make up my mind this is just first impressions

But like you said, this is just bc of the comparison, on its own i think they are all doing amazing jobs and, so far for me, the writers managed to pull off something that to me was next to impossible and in a great way too.

Im curious to see how someone that hasnt watched the anime reacts to the mixed tone of live action meets silly cartoonish vibes, i hope its not too of context for a first time watcher

[honeybee-taskforce]

1x05 Rewatch Thoughts and Feelings

its so damn cold cause of this winter storm so if you see egregious typos just know i tried my best okay my hands are just very cold!

-Every single episode’s first ad on rewatch has been a car ad is the world trying to tell me something here

-how did i forget about the strip club. How. -tk checking out the dancers even though he goes dancing with his future husband later this same episode

-okay but how heavy would a fullly platinum crown be???? Like that sounds horrible and painful to wear evem for am important event like this…

-paul is such a stud i would look at him like that too if it was my first time seeing that stunning face

-oh the episode is called studs im so smart

-tk breathe baby its just a routine appointment

-OWEN WOULDNT HAVE HAD TO DO THIS ALONE IF HE HAD JUST SPOKEN UP ABOUT EVERYTHING!!!

-Wayne being so accepting right away love to see it

-tk laughing at his dad’s possible erection problems lmfaooooooo

-gonna be honest im skipping over this grace storyline cause i hate it so much its not her its not the vibe its a no for me

-paul remembering her name hehehe

-i forgot how awkward paul is with this??? Its so cute omg. -pow pow pow one of my fave season one moments cause its one of many examples of tk being so supportive of his new family

-owen meets zoe this episode???? wtf why did i think that was later like right before/during the finale

-holy shit i forgot they actually use the term incels

-something about michelle and carlos joking around on a scene makes me smile

-probably cause we see he’s always liked to do that with his favorite people and later on we always see him doing that with tk and i just like that through line

-the ambulance sulfate thing jfc can these people catch a break EVER… also i completely forgot about this?? I must have blocked out everything EMS from the first season cause i haven’t remembered any of their solo calls so far

-more workout scenes please and thank you

-good to know the timeline problems have always been around lmfao

-tk always gives good advice if only he could listen to himself for once

-i wish wed seen one or two more dates for paul over the seasons before he met asha, it would have been interesting to see a bit more of his concerns being handled differently once he got more settled into the 126 and texas overall

-SKIP

-judd having an episode and breaking out of it because of “bull stuff” is so good

-he’s so traumatized and just needs love and time and he’s getting it slowly and surely it’s amazing seeing him balled up in the early season when we know how he ends up

-i love judd’s laugh so much

-it sucks that this doesn’t work out and hurts paul. But they are having suuuuuch a good time it’s so cute, even if i know it doesn’t end well. -tk is so cheerful and rooting for the best for sll of his friends it sucks that he struggles so much with his own needs and life at this point. Why do bad things happen to good people dammit!!!

-tk is beating himself up so much for pushing push just to end up getting his heart hurt oh buddy

-i headcanon that the club they go to tonight is the same club the loft is close to

-shakes ass to rhythm of the night as tk gets possessive over carlos immediately

very fun episode, bad grace characterization aside, COMPLETELY forgot this is the first time we see michelle start doubting her position which in retrospect seems very weird because why have that as an early plot if they planned on keeping her around initially? then again tk has almost the same doubts later on so… hm.

[skoulsons]

Alright, you know what time it is. Scrambled, incoherent episode 4 thoughts

This episode took me three hours to watch and it was 45 minutes. is that any indication how insane i am.

CANT SKIP OPENING CREDITS <3

oooh okay so she’s practicing a bit. Hopefully she doesn’t actually fire

she looks so nervous

NOT THE PEW PEWS

THE EYE SWITCHING 😭 I’ve done that at the range before

These sets always look so good

“Back in the day, we’d drive 10-12 hours on one tank” “So where’d you go?” “Pretty much nowhere” Hmmm probably taking Sarah to all those museums in Texas :(

HER SMILE WHILE HE EXPLAINS THE SIPHON

“You don’t know :)” “I know it works 😑”

NO WANDERING. what a dad move. Dad count #1

NO NOT THE PUN BOOK 😭😭

HE LOOKS SO LOST

“Feel free to wait in the truck” he’s so annoyed 😭 mmm dad count #2

“I want to see a tank” no baby you do not not in these times

THE TAPE 🥹

her squeezing up next to him 🕳👩‍🦯 READY TO CRY MY FRIENDS

“This is actually before my time” “right” dad count #3

AW HELL YEAH

I WAS SO UPSET THEY WOULD REMOVE THIS SCENE

“Oh, no no no. Put that back that’s not for kids. Ellie. Please get rid of it” dad count #4

The shoulder slap 💀

ALONE AND FORSAKEN BY FATE AND BY MAN OH LORD IF YOU HEAR ME PLEASE HOLD MY HAND

whoa there still being cattle is really surprising to me?? I feel like they’d be gone by now

oh wow look at all the military stuff

that shot with the train falling off the bridge is beautiful

oh hell yeah is it camping time

YEAHH

their tiny cookware

IS THAT CHEF BOYARDEE RAVIOLI

Him asking her to slow down. Dad count #5

“I actually agree” chef boyardee stuff was my favorite food as a kid. Their beefaroni was all I ate

“So can we start a fire? I’m freezing.” “Now why am I gonna tell you ‘no’?” Dad count #6

“Oh, they’ll have way more in mind than that (robbing)” still insinuating he was a hunter for a time

does she tell him goodnight. please.

THE ONE THAT SMELLS GOOD IS FRANKS 😭

not the pun book 😭

he looks like he will not sleep :/ (what a great parallel to end of episode them)

“…Joel?”

“Joel!” “What?” “Can I ask you a serious question?” “Yeah.” *proceeds to tell a pun*

DOES HE LAUGH. I saw a spoiler saying he laughs.

L IT TLE MAN SMILED LOOK AT HIS SMILE (how naive I was to think this was the laugh)

Dad count #7

“No one’s gonna find us?” “No one’s gonna find us.” REASSURANCES mmm dad count #8

does he ever sleep :/ hes gonna stay up to keep watch isn’t he

yup

coffee <3

“You don’t like coffee?” Joel please try to sound more offended

the falling backwards she does 😭

“Smells like burnt shit” *proceeds to slurp it just to annoy her* dad count #9 for sure

“Shi-enne” “Cheyenne” “Chey- really?”

Her questions about Tommy 😭

Every scene I get of them now just reminds me of their winter scene and my brain melts a little more

I am thirteen minutes in and it’s been?? 45 minutes of watching??

OOH WERE GETTING TO KNOW??

okay okay so Tommy convinced Joel to join a group that moved to Boston. So that’s how he got there, good to know. “Mostly to keep an eye on him. Keep him alive” we love big brothers. “That’s where we meet Tess.” yo so Tommy knows Tess that’s cool. “And that whole crew, we uh….well for what it was, it worked. Then Tommy meets Marlene. She talks him in to joining the ‘fireflies’. Same mistake he made when he was 18. Wants to save the world…Fireflies all delusional.” mmm thank you for giving me another scene to dissect and think about for the next week. Joel “let’s keep our histories to ourselves” Miller

and he looks like he’s getting emotional too :/

IM NOT FAMILY NOPE YOURE CARGO AND I MADE A PROMISE TO TESS. AND SHE WAS LIKE FAMILY!! SHUT UP. man is still holding on so strong to this. LET YOURSELF CARE

“I’m not even tired” 🫶🏻

YES AND THEY CHANGED HIS ARM POSITION TOO. i love details

Oh here we go

oh okay no not quite hunters yet

the proximity in the truck im gonna throw up

“How far back do we have to go to get around this?” *exasperated sigh* dad count #10

HUNTERS?

oh man those bodies

oh now here we go

Damn no he ain’t even hurt but that’s fine

Jay you were pretty damn close

“Are you okay? You’re not hurt? Nothing?” DAD COUNT #11

SHES SO CLOSE TO HIM WKFHEIDGE

“They’re not gonna hit you. Look at me. They’re not gonna hit you” dad count #12 :)

YEAH what a good shot

I THOUGHT TJAYVWAS JOEL OH

YUP THERES A THIRD GUY I KNEW

so then Ellie shoots this guy n saves Joel right

the hitting him in the face with the butt of his gun 🤩

NOT THE STRUGGLING LEGS?(?;?

okay okay she did it we’re good

The absolute silence from joel and yet it tells so much

“Get back behind the wall” while i stab this guy so you don’t have to see so I can try my best to preserve your innocence despite you just shooting a man and how angry I am because I am a father and you don’t deserve to live in a world like this and experience these things. Dad count #13?

her wiping her tears away quickly 💀 me a little too often

Is he about to give his tongue lashing to her

HE SLAMMED THE DOOR AND I JUST PAUSED HES GONNA BE SO PISSED?? im scared to continue I need to calm down a sec

okay. calm.

panicked for nothing he was just rushing over to move the desk back. anyway

she’s trying to keep him from talking about it 😭

“Stay close.” throwback to Tess telling Ellie that in ep1. Anyway dad count #14

The protective hand reach out™

oh shoot it’s the woman

Kathleen

okay so who is Henry then (HI IM DUMB AS FUCK TOTALLY BLANKED ON HENRY. ABSOLUTELY 100% BLANKED. post episode me is much clearer on all this so ignore how dumb I am)

So she’s got a personal vendetta that went too far or something?

“I delivered you. I held you in my hands. I never told them anything about your brother.” Hmmm interesting

So Kathleen’s brother was breaten to death for some reason. This man, who I guess knows both of them, never told ‘them’ (fireflies? Hunters?) about her brother, but a man named Henry did. So Kathleen is trying to get info from this guy about Henry I guess. Whoever Henry is. Or whoever her brother is. I don’t know I’m confused

“I’m your doctor” is this man gonna be THE doctor? Maybe not? Or does she have something wrong that she needs a doctor for so she can’t lose him?

JEFFREY PIERCE. man he didn’t change his voice at all

DAMN she just shot him

wow that is. a lot of trucks.

GUN SAFETY LESSON?

his head in his hands 😭 poor man needs a break

ARE YOU OKAY??;!;? HELLO??;!;? nothing could’ve prepped me for that

“Im alright.” Man, when was the last time he was genuinely asked that :( he looks like he hasn’t been asked that in ten years

NOT HIS VOICE BEING SHAKY “are you.. alright?” FUCK OFF. you think he’s hesitant to say it because he don’t actually want to care if she is because he’s still trying to not get attached. Anyway dad count #15

i fucking LOVE these two DAMN. Definitely gonna have this scene on repeat for the next week

Alright get the unspoken stuff out of the way please don’t sit in the awkward silence

“Thing is, is…I didn’t hear that guy comin’. You shouldn’t have had to have…y’now?” “Well, you’re glad I did, right?” “Well, you’re just a kid. You shouldn’t know what it means to…It’s not like you killed him, but, shooting a…i know what it’s like. First time that you uh, hurt someone like that. If you uh…im not good at this.” “Yeah, you really aren’t.” “I mean it was my fault! You shouldn’t have had to. AND IM SORRY” HODHS LEAVE ME ALONE JUST FUCKING STOMP MY HEAD INTO THR CURB PLEASE.

her wiping her face :(

“It wasn’t my first time” :(

GUN SAFETY SCENE GUN SAFETY SCENE. Dad count #16 for this whole sequence

her smile :)

him moving closer to her :)

a very good grip

this is so domestic. how does anyone sit and watch this and not lose their mind.

PROXIMITY IS MY BEST FRIEND <3

HANDS HANDS HANDS. we know how much I love hands. GOD I LOVE HANDS

HES SO GENTLE. I deserve to be in a mental asylum please I can’t even contain any thought to even write them out

him trying to tug it out of her hands 😭 WHY COULDNT THE CAMERA PAN TO HIM I KNOW HE WAS SMILING

“Okay?” And she’s just :D

an error occurred this is not the time

He literally did not have to keep his hands on hers for that long. but I am not one to complain

SHE LOOKS SO EXCITED WATCHING HIM 😭

“Nuh uh, you put it in your pack. You’ll shoot your damn ass off.” He knows she’s trigger happy. Dad count #17? 😭

THE GRUNT AS HES GETTING UP

“We’ll get through this.” “I know.” 🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻 REASSAURANCES 🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻

Jeffrey looks beautiful I will say

OH NO HENRY AND SAM??

oh it’s gotta be I remember that one trailer shot showing Sam around some drawings

OH? Oh they know who they are? Wow

“Henry won’t let Sam starve” oh man I’m not excited at all for next episode

BLOATER?? BLAOTERv??!, BLOATER?5?3$44

ITSLFNRLFHFKD A BOOST UP

A JEOLAND ELLIE BOST UP YOURE KIDDING

game mechanics in live action makes me happy

JOEL AND ELLIE BOOST UP!!!!

“You’re just gonna put your foot here.” “Okay.” “One, two…” “oh shit, oh shit.” “Straighten up, I gotcha.”🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻 living my best life right now. What is that dad count #18

“I gotcha” being Joel’s thing. I cant wait to hear him say it more

“Where would you be without me, huh?” “By now, Wyoming.” “Oh yeah, walked into that one.”

“We’re going up 42 flights?” “45. But no, not all the way.” “How far?” “As far as I can make it.” i love how old he is

THE SCORE <3

Them slowing down 😭

OH SHIT I DIDNT THINK WED GET THE CONVO

“Hey, you know that guy who said he was hurt? How’d you know it was an ambush?” “I been on both sides.” “It was a long time ago. We did what we needed to survive.” “You and Tess?” “And the people we were with. My brother, too.” “Did you kill innocent people?” :(

That “c’mon” sounds so much like the one in tlou2 in that flashback where they find those two Jackson kids and they have that little argument

HIM SLIDING DOWN THE WALL TO SIT 😭

kicking his feet 😭 “c’mon” “gimme a minute” “get up, you lazy ass” “‘lazy ass’. I’m 56 years old you little shit” HRIFHEKD I LOVE THEM SONMUCH

“Joel? Joel? Joel?!” “What? 😡”

“Oh I get it. Crunch crunch crunch”

“Well, goodnight :)”

“Yeah, goodnight -_-“

AW

“Hey. When we were talking about hurtin’ people…what did you mean it wasn’t your first time?” “I don’t want to talk about it.” Oh how the turn tables.

HIM TURNING OVER TO TALK TO HER

“You don’t have to. I’m just saying…it isn’t fair. Your age. Having to deal with all of this…” “So it gets easier when you get older?” “No, not really. But still.”

“The reason I asked if you’d hear the glass or not is cause I’ve noticed you don’t hear too well from your right side. Is it cause you were shot there?” “Probably more from shooting. So if you want to keep your hearing you better stick to that knife.”

“Joel?” “Hm?” This is perhaps the biggest dad thing he’s done all episode.

HES TRYINF SO HARD TO FIGHT THE SMILE. NOT HIM AXTUALLT FUCKING LAUGHING. HE FUCKING LAUGHED. HE LAUHJED.

“That is so goddamn stupid.” “You laughed, motherfucker!” “I didn’t laugh.” “Yes, you did!” “Jeez, I’m losing it.”

NOT THEM GIGGLING TOHEYEHR. I’m getting chills what the fuck. they’re giggling together.

“Go to sleep.” “You go to sleep!”

I have. the biggest grin on my face.

I know he slept soundly that night. I KNOW he had the best sleep he’s had in a while. and it’s all bc he went to her giggling with this girl he very obviously does not care about and has no fatherly affection towards whatsoever

HENRYBAND SAM <3 cant wait for next episode heartbreak

[geronimomo-spd]

ALRIGHT SO IM DONE WITH THE CREED OF THE KROMON BUT JESUS CHRIST NEVER AGAIN, wow

she is so lucky she does not remember any of this, because if she remembered she might have just emotionally explode she might have forgotten but i never will get the images in my mind out jesus Christ even so there were some funny lines and bizzare deliveries of otherwise annoying lines and a lot of mental blocking from my mind but i will say this

as usual spoilers under the cut!

Crizz is wonderful and interesting, i liked how he and the doc worked together in the end, good for them, i did notice how they were really honering Crizz and the guy who protects the borders's words put it into horrible context but i do like Crizz as a simple guy who just got incredibly traumatised and now looks for meaning in the doc and charley, and he is just so sweet and caring so that's nice!!

im gonna take a fucking nap, or eat something, ir watch a funny movie!! heck i need a fucking shower, anything to forget this

ill try to keep it short but they turn Charley into a fucking slug, its horried, discusting to listen to, and a complete step too far, GOOD FUCKING JOB THEY MADE HER FORGET THIS BECAUSE IF THEY EVEN EXPECTED HER TO REMEMBER A SMIDGE OF THIS EPISODE I WOULD HAVE STEPPED THROUGH MY SCREEN AND SLAPPED THEM, like!!!! what the actual fuck!!!!

AND THE FACT THEY MAKE YOU LISTEN TO EVERY, SINGLE, STEP, OF IT, LIKE PLEASE GOD WHERE IS YOUR HONOR, i genuinely hope they are stopping with this horrible physical horror to her because this feels like peak!!!! fuck!!!

heck i am very excited about the next episode and i was planning to start it right away but fuck i need a break jesus, C'rizz feels nice but he is not worth it for this episode, like i can sort of develop a timestamp map of like, important moments with Crizz you need to know and then not listen to anything else but that would mean relistening to this and no thank you, at this point just read the transcript and move on.

i thought nothing would beat the saddness of Minuet in hell's breaking down a mentally ill amnesiac doctor for the hell of it unpleasantness, but this is just worse, THEY COULD HAVE JUST SKIPPED SO MANY KF THE SCENES WITY HER AND JUST KEEP THE FOCUS ON C'RIZZ AND THE DOC NEAR THE END AND THAT'S IT BUT NOOOOO, i don't even know if this is objectively horried as i think, all i know its just generally unpleasant and discusting and not building up to anything interesting like Scherzo, jees

why is this one weirdly funny like I don't wanna compliment this one but it made me giggle several times lol, it was weirdly witty ill tell you that much!! and some cute (??) Charley and Doctor friendship moments in the beginning but yeah,

also after forcing the doc to drink the elixer and then he just drowns them all with hus tecno babble i will talk until i die science talk abd littiraly making them explode from an experiment that he made them do was so awesome, using the power of infodumping for good!!! overall some cute moments, but absolutely horried moments that are not worth it lol, fuck

ok funny deliveries and fave qoutes lets go!

Doctor: i have to, sorry, stand still, please! Charley: no. oh doctor, I don't need a hug Doctor: Su Shaka ha!

awwwwww the way he was like WRAAAA to fuck up some spirits, the shouting has been put to good use!!

doctor: we can worry about his interest when we find the old girl (the tardis) Charley: yeah, i never thought i'd miss her so much lol

after Zagreus it makes absolote sense that Charley is surprised by how much she misses the tardis!!

where are you from? Doctor: Gallifrey ;)

not the doctor saying Gallifrey with such weird sense of pride and zest and anger, the hater of Galifray, my idiot

"you must have some use, what is it? Charley: i've often wandered"

CHARLEY LOL

C'rizz: how will we Doctor: we will use our wits Charley:that bad ah?

LOL YEAH they are finishing each other's sentences hehe, C'rizz is fitting in quite well

Any objections? doctor: yes!! Crizz: ...yes? overolled!"

LIKE WHY WAS THAT SO FUNNY TO ME I MIGHT JUST BE PANICING BUT LOLOLOLOL why is this one witty???

"do we wish to pollute our gene pool woth her mental stubbornness and immaturity?" Charley: Immaturity??? what??" Doctor: "Charley is not more immature then i am!" HE SAID IT IN

SUCH A WEIRD WAY LIKE WHATTT LOL

[m1ckeyb3rry]

Otoya so puntable fr I wanna throw him across a field

For the sake of easier reading I will leave my hollyhock comments at the end of this ask so it’s not smack in the middle of us rambling LMAOO

I really need to see Karasu at an aquarium now (someone get me the P.O. Box of the BLLK author I need to send a lengthy request pls next off day GO TO AN AQUARIUM) on that not HOKYBCRAP I just remembered Osaka is famous for its aquarium because they have a whale shark?????? Imagine bro goes there and is scared SHITLESS like whale shark literally in the vicinity of his neighborhood that is so funny to me (I can imagine he eats takoyaki as revenge on octopuses)

And MEE idk what I’m gonna do when BLLK is over….well we fs have another big match arc with the World Cup that they’re currently waiting to play for…I’ve seen some ppl theorize that they might do a time skip thing like haikyuu where we see them going pro and whatnot but bro I do not want to think about BLLK ending like wdym I won’t see my silly little boys anymore….hopefully when that time comes it’ll give way for a lot of spinoff stories like I’d love to see more things like epinagi but for other characters (I’m coping but I really wanna see the light novel content animated or something)

Haha…discord and Reddit…such lovely places…..yeah I stay away from discord for similar reasons LMAO

Oh wait you’re so right….bruh I see those booktok accounts every so often and I’m like…how did you even get past the title for this book….have you seen people talking about like the pillow book or the door book??? I wanna know who actually thinks of that plot bc PLEASE it’s so wp coded like wtaf im sorry

Also I wanna know why Ao3 is BARREN when it comes to BLLK content that isn’t ship stories like….every so often I’ll take a look and the search results have barely changed within like six months man

Ok but HOLLYHOCK COMMENTARY SENGOKU PERIOD AU>>>> LMAOO so this is what you were referring to when you posted about finding a side character to make the villain…bye hiiragi LMFAOO ok assassin Otoya SO REAL when yuki showed up I was almost expecting it to be Otoya but this makes sm more sense LMAOO (yuki always committing some sort of crime in your plots it’s so funny) I’m living for it though…..y/n sacrificing her half brother to live FINALLY I love a good mc with a sense of self preservation that overrides any duty to a shitty family…also the cursed/bad omen child trope too perfect set up for angst I’m excited to see where it goes

-Karasu anon

I’M SAYINGGG BRO I JUST WANT TO TOSS HIM AROUND LIKE A LITTLE FOOTBALL 😭 meanwhile baby karasu i want to tie a ribbon around he’s just a little boy full of joy and whimsy i love him

PLEASE OMG WHEN HE’S A KID HIS PARENTS TAKE HIM TO THE AQUARIUM AND HE STARTS BAWLING 😓 that whale shark is his biggest enemy fr…omg a post nel aquarium trip would be so fun esp because we have karasu kurona and bachira who would def all go crazy for it (in diff ways). karasu loving seafood because it’s a way for him to control marine life/the water which he hates because he can’t predict ⁉️ could be funny could be meta the choice is yours 👆🏻

oh 100% they’re def going to do the wc arc and possibly even show some of the boys going pro…i do hope there’s a timeskip at the end because i want to see what they’re all up to but at the same time i also love open endings so if they didn’t do that i wouldn’t mind!! as long as the ending is satisfactory. imagine the conclusion is just ego and anri going to jail though HDKDJDS pls 😭 once it’s over i’m going to be so sad…luckily w the rate episode nagi is going we’ll at least have that for a while longer!!

discord and reddit are certainly. well. they are places!! and i am blessed to say idk what you’re talking about but w the amount of weird smut i see on there i shudder to imagine what you’re talking about. personally i’m pro-dark content even though i don’t read a lot of it myself because i believe all art and expression is worthy but it’s the way that some of these people engage with and react to dc that’s a little odd to me. idk it’s weird for sure…me personally i stay far away!!

THERE IS NOTHING ON AO3 FOR BLLK except for nagireo fics lowkey 😭😭😭 hopefully with season 2 coming out it’ll get more popular and we’ll see more content!! i’d never say no to more reader inserts but also character studies?? ONE fic exploring anri or ego or the itoshi brothers without any romance?? a michael kaiser-centric fic that portrays him as who he actually is (at least in my opinion)?? i’d write it myself but there’s only so much one girl can do 😔

bro hiiragi is even more random than kira PLSS i almost reused kira but then i was like “no i can’t slander the same character twice.” honestly though he has a very historical vibe to him if that makes sense?? and the name hiiragi is so clan-like HAHA idk idk it just felt right.

i feel like arranged marriages are so commonly paired w historical aus i wanted to do smth diff!! plus otoya does not scream arranged marriage to me. i was talking to one of my moots and i joked abt how the ninja butt trap panel broke my writer’s block but that’s actually not a joke…the whole ninja obsession otoya has (plus him canonically being descended from a ninja??) made me think “okay what if he WAS a ninja???” and from there i began looking into ninjas…and it was wraps after that!! apparently they were most prominent in the sengoku era and basically used as spies/assassins hence the setting and otoya’s introduction in the story

PLEASE yuki is the biggest tabieita x reader hater 😭 he does not want those boys winning ong 😕 he’s going to be really interesting in the future of the fic hehe i’m so excited!!

oh one thing about me you can trust i will be writing a flawed selfish reader 🫡 this mc is based loosely and vaguely on oda nobunaga actually!! emphasizing the ‘loosely’ part because the resemblance is barely there honestly unless you look really hard for it — however that should give you an idea of what kind of person she’s going to grow into (with otoya and [redacted]’s help ofc).

AHH the question is is she actually cursed or are the hiiragis just biased 🤔 hehe i can’t wait to write more too omg the only thing i’m worried for is when karasu finally pulls up because wdym the loml is in a fic and he’s not madly in love w the mc???

[everything-i-couldnt-tell-u]

this is another very very long one cause i want to get them all off my chest, just skip to the bottom if you want the summary lmao

every time i killed my old self (forced amnesia on myself and restarted everything) it wasn't exactly because i was paranoid and i wanted to bury everything as if they don't matter to me anymore

whenever i got paranoid all these years, i desperately needed comfort but i couldn't ask for it. i know that it's a lot to ask for, and i don't know if even deserve it, that's why you'd usually have me asking "what exactly am i to you?". i wanted to know if i was even in the place to be asking to get that from you. i was scared that you'd be pressured and burdened by it if i asked. cause if im just a friend to you, it's gonna be shameless to ask for something like that right?

the actual reason why i keep restarting myself is because i try getting rid of my needs? the paranoia wont leave me alone unless someone comforts me but there's nothing i can do if i can't have that right?

instead of letting myself stay longing for something out of reach cause it just hurts, i eliminate the part of the system that's craving it... and i'm always that part of the system. my entire existence summed up is just the part of the sys that's broken and needs a lot more than the normal person

------------------------------------------------------------

it's never my intention to make you feel like the things you did for me were never enough for me. i genuinely appreciate all those you've done but to be honest i need something different if it's gonna be about getting myself to feel comfortable around you again.

he doesn't wanna see me burning myself out not knowing how to ask for what i need, and he also doesn't like seeing you do so much for me only for it not to work. i didn't want arveil to say it but he told me that it's about time that one of us directly tells you what i truly need instead of wasting more time and effort?

------------------------------------------------------------

hell i was scared that it would offend you, that it would push you away. that the way you see me would change, that you'd think i might actually be a selfish bitch who's using your mistakes against you to demand for something even though it's not like that? that i've never even comforted you before so why should you ever give me that?

------------------------------------------------------------

what actually happens whenever i get these episodes is first i get paranoid over the thought of you. and once i'm paranoid, i would always start needing comfort.

but i always couldn't ask for it since my insecurity would consume me. my paranoia would remind me of every action and word you've said in the past that can tell me im not even someone you want or care about for you to ever give me the comfort i need.

the memories would keep repeating in my head for days until i forget what was it that i actually needed, that all i wanted was to ask for comfort from you. those memories will not stop haunting my unless i give up on trying to get what i need.

i'm not allowed to hold onto the good memories ive had with you either if im in the middle of these episodes. when i try remembering how happy i was with you before, how i actually enjoyed being with you, how genuine you actually were, my paranoia uses them against me. it tells me that maybe all those were just false hope, that they were just all lies to mess with me, that they could've never been true if you still managed to say and do things that have hurt me

but again!!! all those are just what my brain distorts and makes up to make me forget about the fact that i just simply needed comfort. yeah that's why i just always ended up making a mess in front of you, telling you that "i'm going insanely insecure, i dont know what to do"

all i end up doing is telling you how hated i feel around you. i dont think i've ever told you the truth that i just wanted comfort but i feel too insecure to ask for it

------------------------------------------------------------

and also, the only reason why i need comfort whenever i go through these episodes is because first of all, my memories are a mess. i can't try using my good memories to reassure myself either cause like i said, it just gets used against me.

to experience having you comfort me in the middle of those episodes and show me that you aren't someone who's gonna harm me is the only way i know to make it end. if i could see that you're someone i can truly be safe with while my demons and paranoia are actually active, if i could show them proof directly then maybe they would stop.

------------------------------------------------------------

you know even though i didn't get what i need right now, i'm quite content that arveil finally asked for it. it's what ive always wanted to ask from you all these years that i've been repeatedly splitting and going paranoid at you.

i remember the last time i tried asking for comfort it kinda came out wrong. i'm not trying to get comfort from you because i need you to be my safe person for me. it's not because i want to be the person that i'll never get hurt with. it's not because i want you to be my source of comfort. it's not because i want you to fulfill the role of a friend that can help me when im going insane. it's none of those things. i dont need you to be any of those. i don't need that comfort for myself so i could feel better.

when i ask for comfort, i just really need to experience it so i could use it as proof to make my paranoia stop. i want my paranoia to stop so that i can love you freely and properly. i wanna be able to express my love for you and do things with you without my demons having to stop me all the time. so yeah i am desperate to experience that comfort. i only really need that comfort when i'm going paranoid over you, i don't need you to give me that when i'm sad cause i can provide that for myself.

i got a headache typing all that but i hope you get my point that i'm not asking for comfort for any selfish reasons. i only need that comfort so that i'd be able to love you.

------------------------------------------------------------

even though you can't give it to me right now, i'd like to just be happy for now that atleast you didn't get angry at me like i thought you would. i don't know if you are, but i'm okay with this

despite me badly needing it, the demons in my head are scared of what will happen once i try asking for it that's why they do everything stop me, even if it means making me go paranoid. whenever i tried asking for something, the reactions i usually receive are people getting offended and leaving me.

yeah maybe all along i was scared you'd leave me if i ask for comfort, that arveil would lose someone again all because i was too much. that i'd have to feel guilty if i tried asking when i could've just sucked it up

__________________

i also forgot the fact that ive been stuck here at home for so long. i havent seen the sunlight in weeks of course i'll go paranoid. last time ive hung out with my friends irl was four years ago at school.

ive never really been allowed to hang out with anyone out of school my whole life. maybe i could but im too scared to ask for my parent's permission? every time i asked them if i could try something, mom would make it feel like an interrogation and guilt trip me cause she's paranoid. i would cry over it but mom would say that she's just "keeping me safe".

i dont think she would still react like that, but i don't wanna try anymore. i don't wanna risk having her blow up at me again, i already accepted long ago that i can't do anything as long as i still live with my parents.

__________

the only way ive really escaped this was through severe dissociation. home isn't so different from prison. im not physically trapped, but mentally im paralyzed and locked up in here.

ive never really thought of escaping or even complaining about this, in fact it already feels normal to me. i think i should be grateful that i have parents who support me and protect me even if the way they do it is killing me sometimes.

and since im always here in this house, im still in the same place where i experienced having you expose me in that server, the same place where i read all those stuff you said to me. i guess that's why i've always seemed stuck with them noh?

_____________

i can't really leave this place yet and the only way i could escape temporarily was to keep forcing amnesia on myself.

i still do need comfort and im still bothered with how uninterested and dry you seem to be towards me, but it's piling up with the moments in the past that keep haunting me. that's why im more paranoid than what should've only been my normal reaction. i need more than what should've been only the normal amount of effort you'd do to make it up to me.

until i leave this house i dont think anything will really change. restarting myself to forget everything temporarily is the only thing i can do, but as long as im here, every memory will still keep coming back to drive me paranoid.

you don't have to stay with me, you should just go forward and leave me behind. there's nothing i can do about this yet, maybe i'll just try catching up with everything if one day i'll ever find a way to be free from all this?

------------------------------------------------------------

arveil will still be there with you but maybe i wont get to experience being with you personally yet. i wont be able to love you through arveil cause i'd like to keep myself separate from arveil, i refuse to mix myself up with him.

i don't wanna drag him to get stuck with me here. i honestly forgot that im the one who volunteered to take in all of the pain instead of him so he can continue in my place as if nothing happened, because i wanted to keep him happy.

i forgot how much i loved arveil too just like how i did with you. i guess i got so lost in all the memories i had to take in and with how much it was ruining me. i went from loving arveil so much to resenting him to the point that i wanted him dead.

i got very insecure seeing how he can function like a normal person while i can't. i get so jealous when i see you get along and do things with other people and my other alters, cause i'm not normal and i can never do those things.

and just like with you, i couldn't feel arveil either during the times i needed him the most. it hurt so much whenever that happened, so i had to force amnesia on myself or else the pain wont stop. hoping that someone would be there that can give me what i need only makes me feel even more miserable which is why i have to bury everything.

i never win over my paranoia so isn't it better if i just give up on those good memories so the pain could at least stop? and whenever i force amnesia on myself like that, the last thing i'd remember was that i was dying and i couldn't have anyone to be there for me, which is why i resent everyone after restarting, why i kept resenting you and arveil.

------------------------------------------------------------

i'll probably forget about me saying all this once it's time for me to force amnesia on myself again. could i just ask you to remind me of this when i forget and come back paranoid to you? just tell me that im only being paranoid again cause im stuck at home.

tell arveil not to tire both of you if he tries making me fix things with you. i appreciate what he's trying to do but this won't work until i get out of this house which might take four to ten more years if i calculated it right

------------------------------------------------------------

being stuck here isn't so bad if i can watch arveil be happy talking with you from time to time. i don't know either why i'm still here and forcing it. maybe because arveil is too stubborn to give up on me which im not gonna complain about. maybe you're the first one that has ever loved me back as sevy and i don't want it all to go in vain. but all i know is that i just really love you and i wanna be able to do things with you

------------------------------------------------------------

TLDR :

• whenever i force amnesia on myself, it's not exactly because i got paranoid and decided to throw all my memories away as if they don't matter. it's just that whenever i go paranoid, i desperately need comfort. since the comfort i need is out of reach, i eliminate myself instead. if i stay and keep longing for the comfort i can't get, it will only hurt that's why i keep killing myself.

• whenever i got paranoid, it usually just starts with me getting anxious over things you did and said before. the actual problem is that i always needed comfort but was always too insecure to ask for it from you. im scared that asking for it would offend you or make you leave me. my paranoia makes it worse by making me remember the times you've made me feel like im not someone you even want for me to ever get what i need from you.

• when i ask for comfort, it's not for my selfish reasons. it's not because i want you to be the person who can be my safe home or anything similar. i only want comfort when i go paranoid over you because i wanna be able to love you. i need to experience that comfort so i can use it as proof to make my paranoia stop. it's not because i wanna feel better, i just really wanna learn how to get comfortable with you. so that i'd be able to do things with you without my paranoia stopping me.

• as long as im stuck at home which ive estimated will not change for atleast 4 to 8 more years, i'll always be stuck in this cycle. this is the same house where i experienced having you expose my messages in the server, the same place where i read all those things you said to me. they won't stop haunting me as long as im still in this place plus i rarely get to go outside. while im still here and while comfort is not yet available, it's hard for anything to change

but anyways one day i hope i could be happy together with you and arveil (hopefully irl and not online cause its hard to maintain things online). i understand that you can't give me what i need right now so i'll try my best not to force it. i should also find something better to do instead of acting like a chronically online loser like this. you shouldn't prioritize me when you already have your own problems right now. sorry that wanting to be able to love you was such a big deal to me and im sorry that it's just adding up to your problems

[stormyoceans]

I have a strange feeling… fear (🤔?) that LT, despite the cool direction, beautiful views, wonderful cast, will not be able to capture me, as it turned out with vv. here I was waiting for every ep with my tongue sticking out, I locked myself in the toilet at work so that no one would bother me for the next 40 minutes, I had to watch ep at the minute of its release, not a sec later, I spent hours on twitter reading the opinions of the same abnormal as me. before that, I had only watched one series with such frenzy. I'm afraid that LT will be good, but… ordinary. and I want to experience a feverish thirst, as it was with vv. but maybe it's for the best. 9 months have passed, I still can't forget vv, bc no new series has hooked me. I can watch them later or skip the ep altogether, I don't view twitter posts. I want something to hit me. please LT all hope is on you🙏🙏🙏🙏

I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN ANON SOMETIMES I WAKE UP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT IN A COLD SWEAT WITH THAT VERY SAME FEAR

vice versa was a completely insane and incredibly unique experience, every episode gave me such a high that it would take me DAYS to come down from the sheer euphoric unhinged rabid energies it got me going on, and to think that im here, almost nine months later, still feeling the exact same way about it despite having rewatched the show an embarrassing amount of times is just.. TRULY SOMETHING. no other show has ever been able to captivate me so completely, to the point that i just constantly want to talk about it and share stuff with people and SCREAM AT HOW GOOD IT IS. sometimes it really does feel like nothing will ever come close to it

i guess part of it is also because, to me, vice versa was totally unexpected. i remember i was too busy catching up with other shows when the first episode aired, so i actually started it after episode 2 was already out and went in with no expectations whatsoever. somehow by episode 6 it already had me screaming shaking crying throwing up spinning counterclockwise on the floor wailing every single week and the rest is history

idk if it might be the same for you, but i think this fear i have about last twilight ending up being underwhelming is because, unlike vice versa and despite my better judgement, i actually have TONS of expectations about it, and when your expectations are too high the risk of getting disappointed becomes higher too. however i know jimmysea so much better now, the concept of the show is extremely appealing to me, morkday are already making me deranged in ways i can't even begin to explain, and i now have one thing that i actually didn't have while watching vice versa, which is you guys

now that i think about it maybe it's a bit presumptuous of me to think that y'all are still gonna be here and want to talk to me about it when last twilight airs ;;;;;;; BUT STILL!!!!! i think sometimes sharing the excitement with people is something that can turn a mediocre experience into a good one, so im just gonna hope that last twilight will be a fantastic experience (that will lend me into the psych ward) made even better by being able to share it with you all!!!!!!

[keefwho]

December 15 - 2022

10:19 AM

The new episode of Mob Psycho got me thinking like every episode does. The whole show is built around Mob having suppressed his emotions and the effect that has on him as a person and his relationships. I think a lot of people can relate to this, me included. Maybe not to such a huge degree as represented in the show, but still. My entire personal journey has been based around opening up to my own feelings and accepting them as part of who I am rather than trying to eliminate them. This show basically reinforces this line of thinking and gives other context for it which has been helpful. 

Sometimes I catch myself slipping up and suppressing things again. I think I should avoid that at all costs since its like the foundation of all my growth. I’ve started underplaying my anxiety with the explanation of “I’m getting better.” That is true, but I think I’m expecting myself to have improved more than I actually should have by now. I have to remain realistic and compassionate about my progress. There is no deadline for when I should be “fixed.” No one is holding this to me. This is a personal journey that I’m allowed to take at my own pace. 

12:17 PM

My tummy had a bad little episode this morning but I did see this coming. I wasn’t SURE it would happen because sometimes it feels like it will but it won’t. But it did. I’m okay right now, I didn’t freak out or anything. It just sucks because it’s still physically miserable. I’ve abandoned commissions today because I’m 2 days ahead and I still have requests to do and I feel like garbage now so I figure I should take it easy. I can afford it. 

I want to get better about not checking my temperature so much. Usually if I just remember it exists, I figure I might as well check even if I feel okay. I want to stop doing that. However there are days like today where it was more warranted and helped to set my mind at ease. The biggest thing that worries me in general is not knowing because it’s easy to assume the worst. Im gonna try to reserve using my thermometer for when there’s an actual reason for it. 

Maybe I should try to be more active to help my tummy. I know my problem could be caused by many things I’ve looked into. I might try making sure I eat plenty of fiber, exercising more, and continue working on my stress. I feel like I need some daily physical activity but not necessarily a whole workout. Just something to get me moving. Maybe strenuous VR games to start. Like the boxing game I have or doing Just Dance in VRchat or something. 

1:07 PM

UGH my tummy isn’t quite done yet but I predicted this too. Usually there’s a second smaller incident. I just hope it stops here so I can recover and salvage the day. 

2:33 PM

I hate to do this but I gotta chill today. I’m not gonna try to be productive until 6pm, I’m gonna consider my day done right now. I hate that this has to happen while I have Christmas things to get done. 

5:52 PM

Holy SHIT I make a big mistake. When I went to take my parent’s dogs out and check their fire, I let my dog out too and forgot about her. I think it was only for about 30 minutes but that was still really bad. I’ve never forgotten her outside like that before. She could have run off or been attacked. The good thing is I don’t see myself doing this again. 

10:46 PM

Something is still going through my body but it hasn’t been painful at least. I just don’t have an appetite which is worrying because I don’t want to skip dinner but I can’t find anything I wanna eat. Maybe I can start with a little applesauce, it might kickstart my hunger. This should all go away tomorrow. This kind of thing generally doesn’t last more than a whole day. Although there was that time in June where it went on for a couple weeks and kickstarted the massive change in my life I’ve been going through ever since. A lot of that was probably in my head though. 

I know if I make myself snack until I get the appropriate amount of calories that I’ll be healthier for it. Its tricky because I try to listen to my body but my body says not to eat. But I will feel worse if I don’t and I know it. Sometimes my body is wrong. 

[rearranging-deck-chairs]

actually hang on lets spend the rest of the night imagining the specials with yaz still there. marrying the old with the new or the.....oldnew with the newold idk but yaz deserves her hand held and her arm pulled out of its socket in enthusiasm (she even refrains from taking 13s hand when shes actively dying!!!!) and i want to see her see 14s openness and have them literally look at each other in startlement like what the Fuck

i want her there meeting donna and rose, Watching. i want her there in the cab while the doctor catches up. i want her asking questions about donna while they sneak into the.......place where the alien spaceship is and i want the doctor to respond to those questions easily with basically what he tells shirley later. i want to see what "Because I've got this friend called Donna Noble, and she was my best friend in the whole wide universe. I absolutely love her. Oh. Mmm. Do I say things like that now?" turns into when it has to be said to yazs face.

i want her there in the tunnels of unit meeting shirley. the two of them doing the lay of the land conversation in quiet voices like theyve done this a thousand times before. the doctor going "double-bladed dagger drive, damaged by laser fire, which means-" and yaz finishing "two alien species at war with each other? feel like ive heard that one before" - "i was wrong then though, wasnt i?" - "and now?" - "lets hope not" before shirley interrupts "doctor" "and this is yaz" "nice to meet you" "did you get the heat readings and deceleration?" "ive got everything. shirley ann bingham. unit scientific advisor 56" "i was scientific advisor number 1" "you were?" "he was. im gonna get a bonus just for meeting him. but why are you hiding away? we're on the same side" "hmnggweelllyeahh we were just upstairs yesterday slash last year dalek....cybermen....master.....situation, you remember. new faces, old faces, bit awkward, you know how it goes" "hang on, last year?" "oh yeah, we skipped ahead a bit" "doctor!" "just give me your phone later we'll backdate a couple of texts. nobody needs to know" "youre impossible" "you were supposed to go home" shirley like: 👀 but then that soldier comes to interrupt them and they bounce

i want her there in all the scenes in donnas house feeling sooo out of place and trying to understand how she feels like the doctor just died but also,,,,not? but every time she thinks shes about to lose it the doctor pulls her into the conversation with a "yaz :)" thats just Too familiar counting on her skills and her knowledge bc she literally just saved the world and the doctor's life, and saying little things that the rest of the company wont understand just to make her feel like,,,,,,"im still here im still me" like a lowkey version of 11&12 to clara in deep breath.

i want her to pipe up "but you all assumed about the doctor?" when rose points out about the meeps pronouns and everyone look at her like Hang On Who Are You Again? and the doctor quickly move the conversation along to Meep Things before anyone starts asking Questions and i want yaz to shoot him a look that he Pointedly Ignores.

i want them to be all halloween apocalypse team dynamic as they get the family out of the house when all the soldiers come and the doctor surprisedly going "this is a lot easier with two" and yaz being like "took you long enough"

she'd stay with the family to get them to safety, maybe because the doctor orders her to but i dont think she'd listen so i think she'd take the initiative. that way you can still have the big climactic scenes with 14 and donna alone.

i want her to burst out laughing in the end after donna and rose "let it go", taking centre stage for the first time in the whole episode to go "hang on. hang on. tHE DOCTOR?!??!?! the doctor????? she'd have understood???" near hysterical because this day - in true doctor fashion - has lasted an entire year. i want everyone to be stopped dead in their tracks, the doctor as well as anyone else, startled and taken aback and realising we still dont actually know who she is? like shirley does, but none of the others. a friend of the doctor, sure, presumably, but we dont know where she came from, we dont know how long shes been here, just sort of in the background, watching, Being There so reliably that the doctor seems to count on her presence almost like the sonic or the tardis or that net that appears when you jump.

so she introduces herself to them briefly like "sorry. yasmin khan, and..." - looks at the doctor "...not actually entirely sure of the rest, right now". and the doctor looks at her like Not The Dirty Laundry Please I Put On This Whole New Outfit So Nobody Would See The Dirty Laundry. and yaz, loyal and devoted and one lie in two mouths when it comes to the doctor, narrows her eyes like fine. and the doctor turns to their Audience all smiles and is like "yaz! my best friend" "number 56?" she mutters "thereabouts?" he whispers back and they share a look that says we'll talk about The Rest later.

then we can finish the episode almost as it went. get a new look at the new tardis with two doctors at once. the doctor running around the console room while yaz gets her hands on the new console Immediately to figure out the new controls. she'd watch donna and the doctor together, figuring them out too, figuring out the new doctor too. and simultaenously her old doctor retroactively too. thinking about the doctor in her living room as donna talks about dinners and school plays. putting that away to pull him aside later to ask if he......would like that, actually. dinner. "i never got to taste that pakora" he says. "didnt miss much," she says. he gives her a look that maybe he thinks it was, and with that basically gives her an answer to the question she asked.

now wild blue yonder is gonna be more complicated. i think you'd need her to stay in the tardis. you know, lock the doors, have the doctor yell at her a bit through them, give her some instructions for repair perhaps. and then the doctor and donna can go take a stroll while yaz takes care of that. then wild blue yonder can go almost exactly as it goes. and the giggle i think would be very interesting with yaz added in. room enough for a couple of fun conversations. lots of potential with yaz+other companions

"i think i need to do the next part alone" no you dont!!!!!!! you dont!!!!!!!!!

[danganronpadespairtime]

Bonus Episodes + Other Questions

Briefly, I will open up the askbox again, because I think there may be some questions.

You can send in questions here. A Tumblr account is not needed to ask questions.

There may be chapter 1 spoilers.

Anonymous asked:

Can we get color palettes for the characters? It's hard to get the right colors from the sprites since there are so many gradients, and not every character has a CG. Sorry to inconvenience you.

I color pick from sprites, because when the gradient is removed it may make certain colors look lighter... But if that isn’t a concern for you, then I will provide flats.

Anonymous asked:

What each of the cast member’s clothing preferences? I want to do fan art of them in casual clothing, so I’m pretty curious! 

Sorry, I have a bad fashion sense and it may limit my responses, but I’ll try to answer to the best of my ability

Eden: She enjoys cute fashion, but she also enjoys wearing androgynous style clothes.

J: Refuses to wear feminine things. Likes dark colors and hoodies.

Teruko: Her fashion sense diverges from what she’d actually wear. Secretly she wants to wear girly, cute things, but is unable to afford that kind of thing. She likes skirts.

Nico: Like Teruko, wants to wear girly things but doesn’t due to external factors

Hu: Wears modernized casual hanfu. She also likes long skirts

Veronika: Complicated, lolita-like fashion

Min: She cares more about practicality than looks. She wears comfortable clothing

Levi: Fashionable

Arturo: Something that appears expensive... Designer clothes, faux high fashion

Whit: A similar style to the clothes that he is current wearing

Arei: Cute,Girly

Ace: Sporty

Charles: Semi-formal, but he doesn’t care too much about appearance

David: Semi-formal. ‘professional’ and stylish look

Rose: Eccentric and colorful, and not delicate

Anonymous asked:

This question doesn’t relate to the episodes, but rather the comic: would you say that the comic is also canonic and prior to the events of drdt? 

No, it was just a joke.

Anonymous asked: 

Was the Ultimate contest for eminent students part of the Korean Hope’s Peak, and then Min later came to america?

Currently there is no confirmation that Korea has built a Hope’s Peak. I think there may be some assumption that because someone has a foreign name, they can’t be american nor have grown up in america. This isn’t really true.

Stated explicitly, every member of the cast is American, and has spent a significant portion of their childhood growing up in the US.

That being said, Min has always been serviced by america’s Hope’s Peak. Whenever DRDT references Hope’s Peak, it will almost always be in reference to the American ones.

Anonymous asked:

Why Xander has both eyes? What happend to his eyepatch?

Xander presumably received his eye injury shortly before the start of the the events of DRDT, so it’s not like he had it for most of his life.

Anonymous asked:

sorry im so confused... is chariton like, a country that xander is from or something?

Chariton is a fictional town in an unspecified state in the US. North C is a city that is north of Chariton, in the same state. Both receive water from Chariton River (also fictional) that flows from north to south. 

There is a real town and a real river named Chariton but that is an unintended coincidence.

Anonymous asked: 

Is there gonna be more Bonus episodes? 

That is all there is for now. More bonus episodes may come after chapter 2.

Anonymous asked: 

Is there a fully body for Xander's casual outfit in the bonus episode? I think it looks really awesome!

Anonymous asked:

Do you have a rough estimation of the next chapter release? It’s ok if you don’t!

No to both, sorry. Regarding the second thing I am so early on in the production process that I cannot even begin to fathom a release date.

Anonymous asked:

Are both "unnamed students" the same person given that they have the same voice actor? Or is it just a coincidence? Also, why is Nico called "Nico Kasabyan" in the prologue? Was that his original name?

1. Same person

2. That was a mistake

Anonymous asked:

Not exactly an important question, but did Ace’s hair turn more dull?

Yes. He is getting a little sloppy with his hair dye maintenance, and/or he stopped caring.

Anonymous asked:

What year does this take place?

I don’t want to be too specific with dates nor places lest I accidentally invoke some real-life associations. DRDT takes place 70-80 years after the events of Danganronpa, somewhere in the US. That’s about specific as it gets.

Although you’d expect things to be very different after almost a century, much of that time was devoted to rebuilding post-Tragedy, so it is about analogous to our present day.

Anonymous asked:

Will Duke Spurling be mentioned in the main story at all? The story in the side episodes intrigue me a lot, and it makes me wonder if they’ll ever cross over.

I should clarify that the bonus episodes being “not plot important” doesn’t mean that none of the content will show up in the main story, just that if any events in them are plot important, then they will be also discussed as necessary within the story themself. That is to say, you can skip them and still understand the main story.

I do realize now this may be misleading wording on my part, so I apologize. That being said, some of the people and events mentioned, particularly in the second episode, may come up in the story... sometime in the distant future... Please remain patient!

koivoid asked:

How many students were in East Class 27? 

16 students, with (including) one randomly selected Ultimate Lucky Student. This is standard for all Hope’s Peak classes, with very few exceptions. In addition the classes are always “evenly split by gender” (in theory).

Anonymous asked:

are Nico's eye fades red or gray? Cause I noticed some inconsistencies between the videos and cast page. I'm not sure if it's intentional or the cast page is old and needs to be updated.

I changed them to gray after seeing that too many characters already had red eyelashes, but I haven’t updated the cast page. If there are any discrepancies within the cast pages or photos, they’re usually insignificant.

[polyphonial-old]

okay, we're mixing it up a little here: which jjk character is mostly likely to watch

supernatural

riverdale

glee

dance moms

keeping up with the kardashians

our flag means death

my little pony

and since it's popular right now - stranger things

now, which jjk character would be the one to watch each show? [ex. like idk nanami watches spn and megumi watches riverdale... i actually don't agree with that, they were the first two i thought of lol]. chose some cursed shows, two popular ones for funsies, and one that i decided yes <3

[feel free to skip any you don't want to do lol]

i'm gonna be real w you rn i don't know anything about most of these so i will have to rely on what google tells me, so!

supernatural - yuuji and yuuta!! it would be their way of bonding :) maki would join them sometimes at random points so every time yuuji very excitedly briefs her about what happened in the episodes she missed. one time she joins them as they are watching the legendary episode where destiel becomes canon. this would be right after that scene and while usually both of them look pretty interested in what they're watching this time their faces are just. completely blank. yuuji and yuuta slowly look at each other, yuuji starts cracking up and soon enough theyre both laughing their asses off. maki is intrigued by what could possibly be this funny so they replay the scene for her, still trying to contain their laughter. after she watches it she is EXTREMELY CONFUSED??? shes like wait what? they're in love? since when what did i miss?? he went to hell? WHAT?? this just sends yuuji n yuuta into hysterics. they can't really explain why they find it so funny but they end up having a great time. it becomes sort of an inside joke between them and maki and she still acts irritated every time bc she's trying to make sense of it which always make the other two laugh :)

riverdale - (omg this is about that weirdo in a hat) hmm i think mai. deep down she understands this isn't peak cinema but finds a way to enjoy it nonetheless. and i mean enjoy as something to turn on when you're tired of everything and just wanna watch something strange enough that it is detached from reality

glee - (HOLY SHIT I JUST LOOKED IT UP AND?? SKFSFKQSK IT FUCKING LISTS TEXTING WHILE DRIVING AND GAY MARRIAGE AS SOCIAL ISSUES ON THE WIKI IM CRYING. oh i just looked up more stuff. holy shit who let this show be on tv) you know what. mahito. i refuse to elaborate more than this show is just perfect for him.

dance moms - nanami. i can't really explain it but i think he would watch it at first just to judge the adults in it but slowly gets really invested

keeping up with the kardashians - momo. imo she would unironically enjoy the drama between them and find it funny

my little pony - going off my gut here, inumaki <3333 panda would join him sometimes!

stranger things - megumi. would watch until s4 and then would quit it bc from what i've heard most of the queer characters and characters of color get treated horribly. also i think it would get under his skin quite a bit because he just keeps thinking of himself and yuuji and it keeps reminding him how they will never get a happy ending. yuuji notices that he's upset but megumi never answers honestly when asked about it bc he doesn't wanna remind yuuji about it and feels selfish for wishing it didn't have to be like this :(

[trickarrows-bishop]

SEASON 4 SPOILERS BELLOW ⁉️⁉️⁉️

the skip between season 3 & 4 and that sudden TENSION

now i must say ashlyn is SOOOO me coded when first realising she was 🏳️‍🌈 right? like making it her JOB to mention when something is queer? pretty me when i first came out- but i digress !!

we can see they’ve ONLY gotten closer and closer over that jump between s3 and s4, with ashlyn ALWAYS texting on her phone NOT to her boyfriend but to maddox. she is the first person she tells about casting, NOT big red. ofc i must add i do believe that before she realised she like maddox romantically it wasn’t ash’s intention to have the break up with big red- but anyways idk i just thought that

ON TOP OF THAT i can only IMAGINE the praise that maddox gives her friend when finding out she got cast as Kelsi. i just know the messages included “OMFG OKAY DONT FORGET ME WHEN UR FAMOUS” and “IM SO PROUD OMGGGG” and so on bro i JUST KNOW IT ‼️

and ash is EXCITED to do hsmtmts 3, as are the rest of them HOWEVER notice how quickly she goes quiet when maddox turns up ⁉️⁉️🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🤨🤨 gay as HELL fr. anyways back to actual plot, she talks to the camera in “the office”-like way and talks about how she doesn’t get how it is awkward between her and maddox considering the text ALL the time.

now ofc, OFC, i am aware that when you text someone every second of ur life and/or meet someone from online 9 times out of 10 say it’s gonna be a little bit on the awkward side- completely and utterly aware of this okay? BUT YOU TELLING ME THAT THE AWKWARDNESS COULD NOT ALSO BE FROM 🏳️‍🌈🤨☝️🫵 like brother there is a difference between the tension they had in that one scene of looking across to each other in the rehearsal room and tension between two online friends first meeting

"you were a boss today!!" and DO YOU SEE MADDOX PRACTICALLY RUSH OVER TO ASHLYN ??? OH BOYYYYYYY "UHM you think so?" "UHM I REALLY KNOW SO" although i am not visibly seeing her twirl her hair and kick her feet and blush like crazy I KNOW DAMN WELL THAT MADDOX IS INTERNALLY. and within that we see kourt completely ignored while they OBLIVIOUSLY flirt with each other- "you know, goth looks really good on you" "thank you i'm wearing like twelve necklaces" like that is as straight as ME now.

EPISODE 4 WOOOOO

one of my fav episodes honestly like omg so first let us deep dive into THAT scene in nightmares come to life where maddox appears in the reflection + thOSE LYRICS 🤨

so FIRSTLY most of us all connected that maddox being in SPECIFICALLY her camp uniform tells us that this all originates back to camp. the idea of ashlyn having feelings/a crush on her STARTED back then, but she's been FAR too oblivious, thinking to herself "no, i have a boyfriend!!" like girl bffr. BUT LET US TAKE IT FURTHER WITH THE LYRICS WOOOoOOoOooOOoo

the basics of the song is how each character had something on their plate they REALLY didn't wanna deal with (the nightmares)- examples including ricky not wanting to tell gina the truth that dani will have to take over as gabriella, kourtney having to make a choice about schools, carlos and his relationship with seb- and of COURSE ashlyn and her underlying feelings for maddox.

So many feelings inside, new ones that don't wanna hide i gotta listen, so here we go hit the ignition i'm in for a ride ???? LIKE SHE DEADASS WAS JUST LIKE "new feelings. for maddox. yeah. gotta take that into account now oh no lets just GO WITH IT !!" like girlie THANK YOU FOR CONFIRMING IG ??? like the whole episode prior she was just like "surely not !! lol" and now in episode 4 she's like "uhm. actually ☝️ I MAY-" like OMFJDSAFGASKHGDF AND THEN THE ONE LINE SAYLOR HAS? LET ME RUN WITH IT HOLD ON NOW ‼️‼️ "You'll find they soon take over" OKAY SO THE DREAM SEQUENCE, IN ASHLYN'S MIND (perhaps. maybe im just DELULU) MADDOX IS TELLING HER "the feelings are gonna take over btw!!" LIKE AUFDAFSKJGH

anyways onto the episode itself. NO ONE else understands ash's costume other than maddox first of all. like. made for each other wth then of course i cant lightly NOT touch on "SHE NEEDS MOUTH TO MOUTH. AS A FRIEND." now. ik this all can be like "yeah hella gay lets move onto the call it what you want scene" BUT YALL REALISE THE REASON SHE'S THOUGHT MOUTH TO MOUTH IS BECAUSE SHE OBVIOUSLY, NON-STOP THOUGHT AT SOME POINT ABOUT KISSING HER RIGHT??? NO STRAIGHT EXPLANATION. NONE.

and ofc the Call It What You Want scene oh my GODDDDD y'all i cried when i realised it was a madlyn duet like HOLY SHIT there is a madlyn duet AND ITS ON SPOTIFY for me to LISTEN TO. call it what you want is JUST SUCHHHHH A MADLYN song;

written from ASH's perspective, she's saying, quite clearly- "i've never been in a situation quite like this, ive never had feelings quite like this, all of this is new but if there's one thing i know for a FACT- I WANT YOU." like SKDFLGASKDHFgalkfhGLlkjfhL oh my GODDDDDD and that almost kiss at the end? HOW INSANE OF THEM TO PUT THAT THERE BUT HOW IN CHARACTER??? LIKE YEAH IF I HEARD THIS SONG I TOO WOULD BE ATTEMPTING TO KISS ASHLYN. and maddox running away quickly? so SO SO in character. .she isn't sticking around to find the damage that she's "caused" in nearly kissing ash- she's running away, most likely heartbroken to once again go off and text maddison like it's a coping mechanism of some sorts.

episodes 5 & 6

alr y'all it may surprise you but not a lot went down in these episodes madlyn wise buT we very much had the redlyn break up (aka the most chill breakup known to man ((or at least in hsmtmts)))

big red was a complete ally !! (no one is surprised) and was like "okay now GO GET UR GIRL !!" what a king but once again im gonna zoom in on maddox being back with maddison for that moment. as we know from the finale at least a LOT the time that maddox is with maddison she seems to find a way to bring up ashlyn. (ngl i would KILL for a scene with maddison and maddox like that but i'm taking what i've been given...) and im just trying to think of how that must've felt for ASH. while maddison on the other end of the phone would've been like "omg !! hi !! ur the one who's like !! perfect for maddox !! hello !!" ash most likely would've gone home and like practically SOBBED into her pillow.

from the finale maddox also mentioned that she hadn't heard anything from ash since halloween, which either means they stopped talking or just kept talking, gaslighting themselves that it didn't happen (very gay of them either way)

the only other thing madlyn coded that i must add on is "so you're single again?" from maddox. like girl the fact you just BLURTED that out tells me you've been thinking about it a LOT 🤨 gay as hell i love them sm

GAY FINALE EPISODES (7&8)

now. OH MY GODDDDD i must say i cannot pull apart what happened in ep 7 to what happened in ep 8- it was a BLUR, so stay WITH ME here. both of them were FULLY ready to confess their feelings yall !! we had maddox practicing her LINES like she was apart of hsm3 while ashlyn had like a five step plan (which included a tree) into confessing her feelings 😭 like. FINALLY. after what felt like- FOREVER on this season, they were once again on the same page WOOOOOOOO

ofc we see maddox also texting maddison (no thoughts head empty) which once again kinda just proves my point of maddison being a rebound/coping mechanism for maddox. if she cant be with or talk to ashlyn rn she'll just have to settle with maddison (of who, as we covered, seems to hear a LOT about ash as it is). maddox ALSO sees a certain scenario happen. yk the one. the one with ash, big red and andy.

ofc this probably sets the first crack in the glass of her changing her mind about confessing her feelings- if ashlyn is with big red why should she bother telling ash the truth? and then the balloons. oh my god THE BALLOONS. ofc OFC maddox should've read the note first, but i think that along with nearly breaking that light board, girlie was not in the right head space to read that note immediately (my dramatic ass would've probably ripped it up before reading it 💀💀) AND THIS TIES BACK TO THE WHOLE MISCOMMUNICATION AND MISUNDERSTANDING SUBJECT. if maddox had literally read the note first instead of going off to find jet and rant to him (i love it when siblings are siblings) and had talked about the near-kiss to ashlyn, ash wouldn't probably have been hurt as much when maddison PICKED UP THE PHONE

now with ash omg that plan she had? the cutest thing on the planet. EJ also 100% earned his spot as captain of the ship carving that into a tree back at camp in season THREE. like. okay king that gaydar rlly was working ??? omg ??? plus ashlyn KNOWS that one of the most important things to maddox is camp, so the fact that she was able to include that still into her confession, therefore not making it ALL about herself really just showed how much she cared about maddox and who she is. PLUS they met at camp. like. i will cry don't make me DO IT. the whole "so... should we just stay friends?" the gayest thing to ever happen im so serious abt it too. sapphics can literally kiss on multiple occasions and say we're just friends. that TINY addition of them not IMMEDIATELY just becoming gfs and hesitating ??? just a little bit more accuracy for the gays and i WILL BE EATING IT UP

and ofc the kiss- no comments will sum it up better than carlos'. "IM SO HAPPY FOR YOU TWO. THIS IS SO ENDGAME" he's so real and me coded

other notes that im remembering after the kiss include;

read this one on twt and i nearly screamed; maddox "leaving" for new zealand and ash's reaction. put this into picture now that we know ash's full story. she started the whole series not really having any friends, eating lunch usually alone in a classroom. now fast forward to the finale, she's about to loose her best friend and girlfriend to this new movie, her cousin has gone off to college and she'll be losing more of her friends at the end of the year. imagine how devastating that would've been for her. holy FUCK.

on a lighter note ; the one madlyn lyric in Love You Forever being "I wanna live like I've never even heard the word regret" is so insane i love LOVE LOVE them FUCK HOMOPHOBIA (sorry got too passionate there)

maddox in that born to be brave clip at the end kissing ash's hand and being all 🥰🥰🥰 while BIG RED IS SAT NEXT TO HER oh my GOD i cannot be normal about them

I WANNA ALSO SAY HOW AMAZING THE ACTING WAS FROM BOTH JULIA AND SAYLOR. TOGETHER THEY PORTRAYED AND GAVE US SUCH A DELICATE AND BEAUTIFUL SAPPHIC RELATIONSHIP THAT I (AT THE LEAST) WILL BE TREASURING FOR LIKE. EVER.

conclusion- i love gay people and this ship. feel free to word vomit abt them in the comments, chances are i will word vomit back xoxo

y'all i wrote an essay to my friend on why madlyn is perfect, enemies to friends to lovers, and built up on terrible communication and misunderstanding. one note and i'll drop it