#i think if i had the choice i would fast forward 20 or 10 or even just 5 years into the future

[pidgefudge]

i dont like being a teenager anymore can it stop

[avernusreject]

Warning ya'll this is gonna be a long post. But please join my descent into insanity, as I deep dive into the vague wormhole that is the durge betrayal pre bg3 timeline.

Before we start, it’ll help if you have context around the faerun calendar. There are twelve months in total, each having exactly 30 days. Additionally, weeks don’t exist in faerun. Rather months get broken down into chunks of time called tendays, which you guessed is literally just ten days. If that was too straight forward for you, don’t worry, they add in five extra days to the calendar that fall outside of the months (ngl I still have no idea where these are located) to make the full year 365 days. 

At the beginning of the game, the nautiloid crash occurs at 20 Eleasis. Which means, the game starts in the middle of summer. Obviously, the way you play the game is going to influence the speed of events, but for my playthrough I reached moonrise towers around 12 elient (total time being 22 days). When you get to moonrise, in Bathazar’s chamber you can find his journal that explains that Kressa (the crazy necromancer chick) managed to keep durge alive. This entry is dated “two tenday ago”. But in game, that makes no sense because we know that the nautiloid should have crashed around that point. So either Balthazar doesn’t understand how the Faerun calendar works (I mean same, my guy) or we have to change our frame of reference. I think its more likely that the implied frame of reference is the start of the game, 20 Eleasis (since the developers can’t control how fast the player goes). 

If true, durge was saved by Kressa around 1 Eleasis. Her vivisections took place after this in the following days. However, durge is taken away before the end of the following tendays (at least before 10 Eleasis).

Now when you talk to Kressa in the basement of moonrise, she states that she found durge only hours after they had been given the tadpole.

In the fight with Orin, she states that when she attacked durge she carved out a hole for the worm (ignore the Half-Elf part, that's just from the moment Orin turns into durge during the pre-fight convo).

The part that we're missing is when specifically the tadpole was inserted into durge. But given how the game describes just how utterly fucked durge was, there's a high likelyhood that the tadpole was given to durge moments after their fight. Which if true, places Orin's betrayal at 1 Eleasis. Giving us twenty days till the start of the game.

The piece that threw me for a bit was this piece of the narrator's dialogue when durge examines the pod, stating that durge had no idea how much time had passed.

But the blood in the pod is still fresh enough that Astarion is able to ID it as durge & in another dialogue choice if you examine the blood further the narrator states the blood hasn't been there long enough to rot.

I think this dialogue is more explaining that durge is actively being tortured by Kressa so time feels unending (kressa being the one who put them in the pod to begin with).

I've seen in other posts that Gortash's draft memoir explains that Orin's betrayal occurred during or just around the crowning of the brain (I don't have a screenshot of that unfortunately). But we have to take that with a grain of salt because Gortash is the definition of an unreliable narrator.

Personally, I don't think he's lying though. Orin's betrayal occurred in moonrise and there's really no other reason that Orin and durge would be in moonrise that the game has provided. Not to mention, the warden explains the last time that durge was in moonrise, they never left.

I don't think durge came to moonrise more then once given the fact that the warden, who had clearly been there a while, had no clue who they were. I find it hard to believe their identity would be kept under wraps had they been at moonrise multiple times. Employees have to gossip about something.

I think its likely that Ketheric, Gortash, and Durge tamed the brain in the days leading up to 1 Eleasis (like ~20 to 30 Flamerule).

In summary, the dead three had a Phineas and Ferb summer vacation by deciding to create the cult of the absolute.

And yes if you are wondering this is how I look now.

[mariacallous]

I crept into the inaugural Westminster meeting of The Future of the Right, a Policy Exchange project from a bygone age of Tory ascendancy. I admit it: there’s a certain schadenfreude in observing the remnants of what was the “natural party of government” for most of my lifetime as it tries to adjust to its worst defeat in history. The programme from the group that still calls itself “the UK’s leading thinktank” will mark next year’s 50th anniversary of Margaret Thatcher becoming party leader, and the 100th anniversary of her birth. Are the Conservatives capable of grasping how profoundly they have lost any sense of the country they used to govern or why their eviction was the single, clear-as-a-bell voters’ imperative? Are they willing or able to do so? Not from what I heard.

This is a project of “the right”; its commissioners include Rupert Lowe, Great Yarmouth’s new Reform MP, sitting alongside new Tory MP Katie Lam, a former Goldman Sachs vice president and special adviser to Suella Braverman. Charles Moore is their august keeper of the Thatcherite flame. They are led by Paul Goodman, a Tory grandee, who writes a column that warns: “Unless the right changes course, Britain is dooming itself to perpetual Labour rule”. Their Tory-leaning pollsters include Rachel Wolf – founder of Public First, No 10 adviser and author of Boris Johnson’s 2019 manifesto – and James Kanagasooriam of FocalData, coiner of the phrase and idea of the “red wall”.

“We in the Conservative party absolutely deserved to get thrashed,” was an opening burst of reality from Wolf. She excoriated almost everything about the party. Without change, she said, “we deserve to be consigned to oblivion”. That began to sound hopeful, alongside Lam’s “We have no divine right to exist.” Pollster Kanagasooriam also laid out their dread state. With the Liberal Democrats winning Britain’s erstwhile most rightwing seat, Surrey Heath, he said, the Tories must decide if they are for economic conservatism or social conservatism, which has recently meant fighting anti-woke wars.

The room was full of old troupers, rightist thinktankers, ex-MPs and young besuited wannabes waiting for a someday right revival. But they offered scant daylight as the floor and platform echoed with the old sounds: small state, “freedom”, “let people keep more of their money” and “make their own choices”, and “deregulate” the nanny state.

MPs selecting their sixth leader in eight years revealed the depth of their dysfunction in their round one choice of the very essence of their unelectability. Robert Jenrick topped that poll. Who is he? A man whose outings in the public eye include fast-tracking a £1bn planning application by Richard Desmond, a party donor and former purveyor of top-shelf magazines, which could have deprived needy Tower Hamlets council of £45m of revenue had it gone ahead. As immigration minister he ordered staff at an asylum reception centre for children to strip illustrations of Mickey Mouse and Baloo from The Jungle Book from the walls, warning that this was “not a welcome centre”. He would leave the European convention on human rights, though most voters want to stay. He’s anti-net zero, defying the 77% of voters who are worried about climate change. He believes any protester shouting “Allahu Akbar” should be arrested. He would vote for Trump (only 20% of British voters would do the same). As “best prime minister”, the public rate him 20% against 48% for Keir Starmer. (The other leadership contenders do scarcely better.) If his views are closest to those of the party members making the final choice, they are sunk.

Here, at the right’s ideasfest, the water is already flooding in. There are no signs of new thinking, quite the opposite. In this forum, Moore is an anchor, the original old fogey reprising the happy days of Thatcher’s arrival 50 years ago as he read from his noted biography extolling her values and convictions, and her wily politics. These days, among the post-Brexit Tory mayhem, he passes for their saner wing: at least he is not pro-Trump or Putin. Next to Lowe of the Trump-Farage party, Moore was enlightenment itself.

And yet Moore represents the core of the Tories’ problem. When he says of the Thatcher era that “it is time to stop squandering that inheritance”, he embodies the anti-state religion that makes his party unelectable. Until they think the unthinkable and escape the Thatcher fetish, until they understand that she has finally been proved wrong on almost everything, they will stay lost to modern Britain. Privatisations have collapsed into spectacular unpopularity – water, energy, rail, mail, social care, children’s homes and council homes. The “left behind” ruins of her de-industrialisations scar the social landscape. The inequality that soared under her leadership remains an economic as well as a social disaster. Deregulation’s crusade against red tape was tragically exposed in the Grenfell horror. And most people now know all this.

Thatcher used to say, “You will always spend the pound in your pocket better than the state will”, but most people would rather pay more tax than see the underfunded public realm buckle. Even if it means personally paying more tax, 40% of Britons want public services improved, compared with 27% who choose tax cuts. “The right needs a programme that will address the fundamental problems facing the country,” said one of the more sensibles. Yes indeed. But there is no sign of that on the horizon.

From the floor I asked the last question: none of those problems can be solved by less government, only by more, so how will they address them? (“AI” was the empty reply from one panellist.) Voters want more from the state, not less: better NHS, schools, environment, police and everything else. How does the Conservative party adapt to that?

The only coherent reply came from Wolf. “If Labour fails, then we can say that proves the state can’t do everything. The public will move to the right.” OK, but flip that coin: if Labour succeeds in steadily improving public services, then this party has nothing to say. Escape from Thatcher idolatry and Brexit fantasy looks unimaginable, but until someone dares to make that break, they are lost. The only comfort, said Kanagasooriam, is Labour’s victory on just 34% of the vote. And the electorate’s new volatility.

All governments fail in the end. Failure comes in infinite varieties, from events out of the blue, to loss of grip, losing touch, exhaustion of ideas and hubris. Labour is learning on the job that rational policies, such as taking the winter fuel allowance from better-off pensioners, are not necessarily good politics. (Expect a finessing mitigation soon, such as cheaper social energy tariffs for all on low incomes.)

The new volatility threatens the old duopoly from all sides. Plausible populists can spring up: never say never. But in the here and now, it is simply implausible that they could succeed on any platform resembling small-state Thatcherism. Until the budget, we don’t know how expansive Labour will be, but its greatest risk would be failing to set the public realm back on its feet after the austerity years.

Starmer removed that portrait of Margaret Thatcher from his No 10 study - and riled the right by doing so, but if ever a group needed to deradicalise itself from her, that group is the Tories. She looms, she haunts, she is ever-present. It is a debilitating deification they will have to address if they are ever to get near power again.

[bobattef]

I don’t need a baby sitter:

Storming up the stairs and slamming your bedroom door shut (so loudly that the walls shook) probably wasn’t the best way to prove to your dad that you were a grown ass woman but hey, he needed to know just how annoyed you were at him.

Being the daughter of ‘the’ Tony Stark definitely had its perks, what 20 year old had their own fleet of cars for one?

But it also came at a price, and not the legal tender type price.

You were only introduced to your father 3 years prior.

At 16, you were kicked out of the American adoptive system for now you were classed as an adult.

And it was only by pure desperation did you seek out your real parents, you thought you hit the jackpot when you matched your DNA with a billionaire.

Fast forward a few years and you had well and truly established yourself in this life of the fast living.

You had attended parties on top of parties.

Rubbed shoulders with real life superhero’s, one’s from even out of this world.

You also had a fair few arguments with actual government personnel and once was escorted out of the White House.

Still, the massive falling out you had with your Dad that particular day would be nothing compared to this one you were about to have as just…13 minutes ago, you had been told you will be given a personal bodyguard.

Yes, your Dad may have said body guard but you translated it to ‘babysitter’.

And at 20 years of age, who would possibly want a babysitter?!

Morgan doesn’t even have one for gods sake!

“She’ll calm down soon” Tony sighs out loud.

Pepper smiles weakly as she strokes Morgan’s hair.

“Do you think it will be any easier when this little one is her age?” She asks him but doesn’t really want an answer.

She knows deep down Tony feels guilty about missing out the fact he had another Daughter out there somewhere.

***

“Rise and shine starlight…” Your Dad raps on your bedroom door the next morning, or more like afternoon.

“I know you’re mad at me but you can’t be so mad you’ll miss out on brownie-pancakes!” 

“Ergh!” You throw the pillow you were laid on over your head.

“I’m not a child!!” You shout out into the soft  fabric.

“I know” your Dad feels the guilt pang at him again as he remembers that he never saw you as a child.

“But who can refuse brownie-pancakes??…” 

“…I’ll be down in 5” you roll your eyes like he can hear them!

You thought about getting showered and dressed before going downstairs (it was gone noon after all) but the promise of sweet treats for breakfast were too good to miss out on.

Throwing some slacks and a hoodie on, you make your way down stairs, hugging Morgan hello as you walk past her in the middle room.

“I didn’t make them myself so they’re good!” Your Dad says as you take a place at the breakfast bar.

There was quite a spread as you gathered a few brownie-pancakes on a plate, topped them with the whipped cream and strawberries your dad had put out whilst also pinching a few chocolate shavings for the top.

He just smiles at you as you get started on the pile of food, enjoying the silence for once.

It’s short lived though, as you hear the clicking of Pepper’s heels along the corridor over the sound of her speaking quietly, is she on the phone? 

“Ah, glad you could make it Cap” Your dad looks up, past you sitting at the breakfast bar and towards the 2 men now entering the kitchen.

You freeze on the spot.

You weren’t expecting guests, hence the choice of relaxed attire you had on so are hugely embarrassed anyways but the fact that it was THE Captain America was 10 times worse!

You’ve met him a few times at parties, but that’s when you were done up to the 9’s. 

You’d never come close to being with him of course but that never stopped you flirting outrageously with him at every chance.

One, he was ridiculously handsome and two, you knew it would piss your Dad off to no end to see you giggling and grabbing the arm of his Avenger team mate.

He definitely didn’t have anything to worry about now though as you’re sure when Steve sees you dressed the way you are with no make up on, he’ll never look at you twice again!

“Morning girls” the heavenly voice of his rings around the room as Morgan squeals whilst saying her hello back.

You haven’t turned around yet.

Hopefully your Dad and Cap and whoever else it is will go off to the offices for the business it was that had him here.

“Good morning Y/N?” Steve says to you as you pop your hoodie on over your head, at least trying to hide your look of homelessness. 

“Mmm, Morning” you quickly speak up, still not facing him in the doorway.

Your Dad laughs.

He knows exactly what you’re thinking and he’s loving every minute of it.

Maybe now you’ll leave his team mate alone at parties?

“Y/N?” He sounds so innocent as you glare back at him from underneath your hood.

“This is the bodyguard I was telling you about…” he smirks at you again.

You are fuming.

Not only did you point blank refuse his idea of having a personal bodyguard but not even 24 hours later, he’s brought someone in for you to meet whilst you’re looking like a hobo!!

“I don’t need a baby sitter” you say to him through gritted teeth but it soon disappears as you hear Steve’s laughter from behind.

“He’s not a babysitter y/n” he says walking over to you, (oh no!) 

“Your Dad’s right, you need protection,  24/7 protection and when we’re not around, then…”he’s in front of you now as you feel your cheeks heat up in embarrassment.

Smiling as you turning pink he carries on “…then Bucky will be there for you if and when you need it” 

Your heart sinks at his words.

Did you even hear him right.

Bucky will be here?

Bucky Barnes?!

You turn your head towards the doorway, forgetting about the state of your face, needing your eyes to confirm for your ears.

And sure enough, there he is, taking up the whole frame of the doorway pretty much, it’s the winter soldier.

***

You had met Steve’s old war pal a handful of times before today.

He didn’t really like the whole ‘Stark Party’ vibes you had most weekends and he rarely hung with the others around the compound much.

He would sometimes acknowledge you when Steve would say hi or bye but that’s about as far as interactions have been between you both. 

So you have no idea why your Dad thought the ex Hydra assassin would be the best pick of the bunch to be your bodyguard.

You had yet another argument with him about it, this time with Cap and Bucky stood there in the kitchen to witness it.

You were being a massive brat but you didn’t care.

You had to get your point across but it, once again, fell on deaf ears as just 3 days later you were left alone in the compound with your new security.

It had been exactly 4 hours and 37 minutes since you watched the Quinjet pull out of the landing bay with the Avengers on board.

Off out on some pissy little mission in the Middle East somewhere, you kept your best pouting face on the whole time your Dad explained himself to you.

Turning to Bucky stood just behind you, you could have sworn he sighed out loud as he turned and walked back inside.

Perhaps he wasn’t happy with this arrangement either?

Not that you could ask him.

He stayed in the kitchen whilst you were laying on the sofa, scrolling aimlessly on your phone.

A light rumble from your stomach reminded you that you had skipped breakfast this morning, too annoyed to eat! 

You practically dragged yourself up from the comfort of the lounge area, wrapping the blanket you had around your shoulders like some sort of cape.

Bucky flickered his gaze up to look at you as you walked over to the fridge.

You tried not to look his way as he was leant over the breakfast bar, his dark blue shirt showing off his vibranium arm.

The silence in the room got louder as you finished making your lunch, deciding to sit at the opposite end of the bar.

Bucky sighed, making that same exasperated sound he had done previously on the balcony today.

The noise made you look up towards him, your eyes found his staring straight at you.

Your cheeks heated slightly as you he kept his eyes on you.

“You er…” you cleared your throat “hungry?” 

You ask the Super Soldier, why was he staring at you like this??

But he doesn’t answer, instead he stands from the breakfast bar, the sound of the stool legs scrapping on the floor caused you to jump a little.

He maintains your awkward eye contact with him as walks out the kitchen, away from you.

“Ooook…” you say to yourself.

***

The next couple of days were pretty much the same, you knew the super soldier was in the compound with you whilst your Dad and the others were still out on the mission but you never found yourself in the same room as him, ever.

If you were in the kitchen, he’d wait in the lounge.

If you were in the lounge, he’d be upstairs in his room.

If you were in your room, he’d be down in the gym.

He always made sure he’d leave which ever room it was, just as you were coming in.

It was weird as hell.

You tried to smile at him as you crossed paths in the hallway or stairs but he never gave you anything back.

You started to get annoyed with him.

You weren’t happy with this arrangement, that was obvious, but why did he agree to it if he’s not even going to nod a good morning greeting once in a while.

On day 4 of no Dad or Avenger’s here, you finally snapped.

You had wanted to go and meet your bestie in town but Bucky said no.

You didn’t even ask him if you could, so you wasn’t prepared in the slightest to hear his very firm ‘no!’

“I’m sorry…did you just tell me no?” You gave Bucky a chance to change his answer, rewrite his little script of this conversation but he wasn’t budging.

“You’re not going” he said to you as he turned to walk away but you step in front of him.

This is the most words he’s ever said to you and yet they aren’t what you want to hear.

“I don’t think you can…” you try to argue your point but he cuts in.

“Your Dad said I’m in charge whilst he’s gone” Bucky snaps at you.

“But, I…” the way he’s glaring down at you makes you stutter, what is his problem??

“But nothing” he simply states, walking around where you had been standing he goes back into the lounge. 

You stand there for a few more seconds.

Trying to take in what had just happened.

Did the winter soldier just ground you??

***

You were fuming.

You thought about stomping after Bucky, tell him what’s for and that he can’t speak to you like that but you were still pretty intimidated by him.

He was a trained assassin once upon a time.

So, you opted for the plan which you did best, you’d sneak out instead.

Of course you haven’t had to do this for a long time but you didn’t realise it would have to come to this.

You stayed in your bedroom until you knew Bucky had gone down to the gym, like he always did when you were up here.

You peeked out the crack of your door, just about catching the screen above the elevator as it dinged to say it was at the ground floor.

Perfect.

You eased out of your bedroom, closing the door ever so quietly.

I mean, he was a super soldier after all, who knew if he had super senses??

You tiptoed to the stairs, one last look to make sure the elevator was still displaying the ‘G’ for ground floor, you bolted down them, maintaining those light foot steps each time.

You stepped off the last one and into the reception area, your feet squealed from the rubber on the bottom of your trainers as they hit the shiny surface of the floor.

The noise startled you but you carried on running, you cleared the distance to the front entrance doors in no time, you could feel your hand starting to sweat as you reached out to grab the handle.

Twisting it frantically, it took a little longer than it should have to realise the top was bolted across.

Something you’ve hardly ever seen on this door as it’s never needed to be locked so tightly.

“Eurgh!!” You can’t keep your frustration inside as you desperately try to jump and reach the lock. 

One, two, three times it took you to outstretch your arm long enough to be able to slide the metal across but you did it.

A loud sigh escaping from your mouth as you finally go to swing the door open, almost tasting freedom, but the sound of someone clearing their throat comes from behind you.

Dread fills your body.

You know damn well whose mouth that left from.

Closing your eyes in defeat at getting caught, you drop your head down to the floor also.

“I thought I told you no” Bucky’s voice almost echoed as you both now stood in the reception area.

You could feel your body start to pump adrenaline as his words hit a nerve with you.

“You can’t tell me no” you bite back.

Staying where you are, facing the, now unlocked, door.

You put your hand back onto the handle, you got this far you might as well carry on.

What could he possibly do to stop you from leaving?

“Take your hand off that handle Doll” Bucky threatened you, you almost got annoyed all over again at the tone he had used.

Like telling a child off but the name he added at the end of his sentence took you by surprise.

“Doll?” Your inside thoughts decide to break free as you question if he meant to say that to you.

“Let go of the door” Bucky repeats himself, leaving out the pet name he previously had said.

“Or??” You pushed it a little further with him. 

Maybe because you still had your back to him, so you couldn’t see just how scary he probably looked right now. 

You gripped a little tighter on the door handle too.

You hardly heard his footsteps yet he closed the distance between you both in mere seconds. 

His breathing was suddenly very close to your neck as he stood almost flush behind you.

He reached up, leaning over you slightly as he slid the bolt back across the top of the door with ease.  

You still had hold of the handle, even though the top bolt made your action redundant, you felt like it was your only way to help prove your point.

You didn’t expect him to wrap his hand around yours that was still clutching onto the metal to pull it away.

“Just do…” the sound of him talking so close to your ear almost sent a shiver down your spine.

Why was he so scary?

“…what you’re told. For once” 

He added on that last bit through gritted teeth it sounded like.

With his hand still entwined with yours, he uses this contact to pull you round, so you were now facing him.

Your back hit the wooden paned door as you glance upwards to his face.

His eyes pierced into yours, almost trying to read what was going on behind them.

But you had nothing.

No plan, no action, no words.

[operahousebookworm]

When I worked at Disneyland, I was going to school in Claremont, and for six months I didn't have a car. It was about a 20 minute drive through Brea Canyon, but there was basically no public transit through there. (I think there was a commuter bus that ran once per day but it was utterly useless for me.)

To get there for a 2pm shift, I would need to catch a 12:30 train to Union Station, then catch another train to Fullerton, then catch a bus down Harbor to the park. And that was walking literally from train to train to bus with only a few minutes in between! (So if one of those was a bit late, I was fucked.) I think the most lead time I needed was 2.5 hours.

Oh, and the latest I could get off work and be able to get back home was about 5pm. That 2pm start time usually meant a 10:30 off time. A closing shift usually meant 12:30am. I often went to work with no idea of how I was getting home. (Not gonna lie, I dated a guy for a little while largely because he lived out my direction and could give me rides. What can I say, I didn't have a lot of options. Sorry, Kevin, I was 19 and a shitty girlfriend and you deserved better.)

Fast forward to moving out to Kansas City. I live on the Kansas side and got a job on the Missouri side. We had car trouble were down to one car, so I looked into public transit to get there. There was literally no transit that could get me there by my 7am start time.

Literally nothing.

Had I attempted it on a weekday it would take 4 hours (it's a 15 minute drive). And it didn't run at all on weekends.

This is the shit we deal with. Is it any wonder most people don't bother unless they really, really don't have a choice?

American urban planning!

[liciatalks]

I'm seeing the conversation of shows having shorter seasons. Where old series would have 16-20 episode seasons, 8 episodes seem to be the standard now. Series are missing "Filler" episodes.

SIDE NOTE: Western media never had "filter" episodes. Filler episodes is a term originating around anime, where animes based off of mangas would catch up to the current story line and would have to produce episodes to buffer the time. Think vamping during live shows, noise until the next band or act is ready.

There is a server lack of non plot driven episodes.

Some series do not need them, they are written in a way where that the audience has all the information they need. Contrary to popular belief, you do not need to know the complete backstory of every single character. Some things can and should be left up to the imagination.

'The Last of Us' is a great example of this. We connected to the characters and story with zero "Filler" episodes. Every episode was too push the plot forward.

Controversialy, Hazbin Hotel also did not need these episodes. It is structured like a Broadway musical so it's storytelling reflected that. You don't just stop the story of a play to have two characters have date night unless that moved the plot forward.

Other series would benefit from these episodes. As much as I love 'The Mandalorian' and 'Loki', both series would benefit with longer seasons. Choices and moments felt rush and you either didn't connect to characters or they felt really out of character.

The reason for shorter seasons could come down to several things.

Networks/Streaming services will only pay for 8-10 episodes

Show creators, fearing cancellation, condensed their stories down

Audience comprehension of media literacy

I believe in some article it was revealed that Netflix has technical specifications for every single one of their shows down to what cameras can be used. So it's not out of the realm of possibilities that networks/streaming services would limit how many episodes you could write. With limited episodes come with limited storytelling, You now have to figure out which pieces are important and which pieces you can leave out.

Series are also getting canceled in shelved almost everyday on these platforms. So creators knowing this try to squeeze as much as they can in a small format thinking it's better to tell any story whether it's good or bad. Just hoping they can make it to a second season to "fix" things.

MEDIA LITERACY. There is a growing number of audiences that if something is more complex than a saltine cracker it confuses the everliving fuck out of them.

Villains must be villainous in heroes must be heroic. Do not make my villain have a sympathetic moment. The hero can't be seen as an asshole they're the hero. The plot isn't going in a straightforward line, confusion. Why are they on this side quest this has nothing to do with the main mission, even though later on it will. How Am I supposed to know those characters are together, they haven't had sex or kissed !?

And if audience are reviewing something bad because they couldn't understand it networks/streaming services are going to shift gears to reflect that. Meaning complex in slow burning stories are out the window. They want simple fast pace easily consumable shows.

Until networks/streaming services stop thinking only of money, and show respect for those creating their series AND audiences start comprehending things above a first grade reading level we're not going to see any changes.

Networks/streaming services make money off of these series and they're just consumable enough to get people talking about it.

If you're wanting complex long form series your best bet is going to be indie project and companies. Those who are in it for the art.

[thesapphireprincess]

5 years from now…

This might be a long one 🎀

5 years ago I was 18 years old and I had the mindset of any 18 year old which is fine and completely normal but I didn’t think about 23 year old me and how her life would be. In fact I don’t recall thinking about my life at all. I was too focused on things outside of myself like “friends” and “dating”. I wasn’t focused on me. These are completely normal things for an 18 year old. So I’m not going to be hard on myself. That was what was expected. I had no boundaries when I was 18.

Fast forward 5 years later and I’m 23 living on my own and in a different state at that. A state I never thought I’d come back to. I have a job, a car and my own apartment. All the basics of a 23 year old. Which I don’t mind because it’s great and I love what I have now but it’s time to think about my future. I’ve learned a lot of hard lessons the past few years and some of them I’ve had to go through multiple times until I learned the lesson and passed the test

I have no desire to drift through the next 5 years like I did the last 5 years, Oh no no no. In 5 years you’ll either arrive at a well designed destination or an undersigned destination and I promise you, 5 years from now you really don’t want to arrive at an undesigned destination. Either way you will arrive. That being said I will be designing my next 5 years so that when I do arrive I can look back and appreciate the choices I made today.

So what will my life look like 5 years from now? I’ll be 28 years old… I’m going to have it all. The life, the career, the house, the wardrobe and the husband. I believe age 23-28 is a really important time for a young woman and it should be treated as such. It’s your 20’s after all and I don’t plan on wasting mine. Your 20’s set up your 30’s and I plan on being 30 flirty and thriving. I will enjoy my 20’s, I will not waste my 20’s, I will make smart decisions, I will take risks and I will always put myself first. I will no longer force relationships with temporary people. I will go after and follow all of my dreams. I will date quality men and cut off anyone who doesn’t meet my requirements and expectations.

Let’s talk about dating. I promise you I’ll be with my dream man and happily married. This year I’ve made a couple mistakes when it comes to dating. In fact it was my first year dating as an adult outside of college. It was my first year dating grown men as a grown woman in this generation… They were older at that like more than 10 years…. I was attracting really low value men with “money” 6 figure dustys I’m ashamed to say but I must be honest. I went out with 3 men this year and after the 2nd one I learned my lesson. The 3rd one only got 1 date, I started noticing traits that felt like red flags but I wasn’t sure. I’m so glad he ghosted me because I wasn’t feeling him. He did take me to nobu for the first date so that was nice but I was able to use my discernment to realize he wasn’t the one.

Now that I’m use to going to places like nobu for the first date I’m not going back. I won’t be lowering my standards again. Now that I’ve learned these lessons I can finally move forward with my dating life and date the kind of men I want to date. I’m happy I learned earlier because some people never learn. My dream man is also dreaming of me.

My next 5 years will be what I want because I’ve designed it that way. I’m going to take my time creating this. Rome wasn’t built overnight after all. I believe in myself and I believe in my well designed life 5 years from now

[superhero--imagines]

Part 1 Here! / Part 2 Here! / Part 3 Here! / Part 4 Here! / Part 5 Here! / Part 6 Here! / Part 7 Here! / Part 8 Here! / Part 9 Here! / Part 10 Here! / Part 11 Here! / Part 12 Here! / Part 13 Here! / Part 14 Here! / Part 15 Here! / Part 16 Here! / Part 17 Here! / Part 18 Here! / Part 19 Here! < This is Part 20!>

Donate to Move to Higher Ground HERE!

A/N: There’s not going to be an update on Wednesday (it’s the day after my birthday and I’m going to go cry at the space station) lol. The next two parts will be like - alternative timeline/pov/intermission posts. Which will just be to add some depth to the story I guess. Stay safe! See you next Saturday!

* “Get out”

* You can’t have been parked more than five minutes before Jessica prys the driver side door open from the outside

* You’re hunched over the binder in your lap, hurriedly scrawling answers onto the worksheet

* Edward just sighs, moving to get out of the car

* “Wait-“

* You stop him by placing your hand on his shoulder

* Edward grins, so these are boyfriend privileges huh?

* You’re going to pick him over your human friends. Well he would be lying-

* “Give me the answer to the last question before you go.”

* Edward deflates

* Guess somethings don’t change.

* “It’s sin(x) equals 18”

* You nod, quickly writing down the answer

* “Thanks Edward.” You mumble learning over to press a chaste kiss to his cheek

* “Now get out”

* He stands outside the jeep a goofy grin on his face, a hand touching the place your lips were on his cheek

* Well at least some things change

* You don’t miss Jessica’s gaze on you as you put your binder into your backpack

* “So... what do you want to talk about Jess?”

* You don’t miss the incredulous look she gives you

* “So about Edward then”

* “Yeah, no duh”

* You let out a deep sigh

* “Where do you want me to start?”

* How far back does this story even go?

* Probably when you saw him that first time in Denali

* His angular face, and those deep amber eyes

* And those butterflies in your stomach

* “You can start with what happened after you guys left the party!”

* So you’re going to have to fast forward a bit

* “Well he was mad because-you know two against one- if it was anyone else it would have been a traumatic experience waiting to happen”

* She nods, thinking you’re talking about you

* You’re talking about something transitive happening to those boys

* For those boys if they tried something with you that is

* You were pretty far gone, you might have actually killed them if Edward hadn’t come to get you

* Not out of anger, just negligence

* At the very best they might have cried if you weren’t able to control your emotions

* “And then after - we were arguing- and then it was just happening”

* “You guys had s*x?”

* You sputter

* “Geez no! We were kissing, get your mind out of the gutter Jess.”

* “Well I don’t know (Y/N/N), he’s been pinning after you since freshman year a kiss just seems anticlimactic all things considered ”

* Besides you guys have this vibe around you-

* Like a sort of intimacy or something-

* You’ve both always had a sort of closeness.

* Like it was the two of you in one world, and then everyone else in another

* But now there’s a physical closeness to you both

* The kind of vibe people who are sleeping together usually give off.

* She saw it when you were together at the aquarium

* “Nah that’s impossible” you let out a long sigh

* “I’m pretty sure he wants to wait until marriage”

* Jessica sputters at that

* “M-marriage? Holy crap (Y/N)-“

* You nod, it’s such an antiquated notion.

* Especially considering you’re both technically dead

* Honestly, what could be more awkward than a couple of virgins fumbling around in the dark for a few hours on their wedding night?

* “He wants to marry you?!?”

* Oh

* Yeah that would be the normal thing to be concerned about

* “I’m not really sure” you scratch the back of your head

* “You’re my soul mate”

* He had said it so causally, like he was talking about gravity or the weather

* Like it was a universal fact

* The words make your stomach flutter

* Ugh you don’t have time to think about this

* “Well that’s what happened, and now Carlisle is always crying in the house and Esme is already planning weddings. Now come on we’re going to be late for class”

* You get out of the car before Jess can get a word in edgewise

* So this is really happening

* She sighs

* Well she’s be lying if she said she didn’t see this coming

* She knows there’s a lot of people competing for your affection

* Hell even Conner dropped his f*ck boy tendencies for you

* But Edward is the only one who looks at you, and only you

* Jessica’s guilty of it too, she’ll admit that

* You’re her first choice, don’t get her wrong, but if you don’t return her affections

* Well that’s fine, she’ll just date Mike, or Conner, or Bella or whoever

* It’s the same for the rest of them

* Conner will be bummed when he finds out-

* Mostly because he can’t believe he dropped his other side pieces

* But he’ll get over it

* Just like Mike did

* But Edward-

* There’s no one other than you for him

* She see’s it in the way he looks at you.

* If it’s not you, it’s just not any good

* So he’ll wait, maybe even his entire life, until you’re ready to love him back

* A small smile twitches on her face

* She’d be lying if she said she wasn’t happy for you

* “I wonder if anyone will ever love me like that” she mumbles to herself, right before flinching in surprise when you swing the passenger door open

* “Oh my god you scared me!”

* “I scared you?!? Jess this is my car, how am I supposed to lock it if you’re sitting inside?”

* “Oh right”

* You make it to class by the skin of your teeth, taking you seat between Edward and Alice in English

* “So what did you two talk about?” Edward whispers with a small smile while the teacher calls roll

* You roll your eyes

* “Like you don’t know”

* He has a sly smile on his face and you’re not sure why

* Alice starts obviously stifling laughter beside you

* Rude but okay

* Edward leans close to you, so close his lips are only a centimeter away from your ear

* Does he mind?

* Maybe he’s immune to sexual feelings, but being that close is doing things to you

* “I’m actually not waiting for marriage by the way”

* You can practically feel the grin on his face

* You look up to him, your golden eyes meeting his

* You were right he is smiling

* His smile takes a mischievous turn, and you feel his hand slide onto your thigh and give a teasing squeeze

* “Didn’t want you to have any misconceptions” he says with the same sly grin as he removes his hand from your leg and leans back in his chair

* Ah

* So that’s why Alice was laughing

* (Y/N). Exe is broken

Bonus:

* “Hey”

* Bella looks up to see the Jessica standing by her locker as she pulls her books out

* “Oh hey, did you get to talk to them?”

* “Um yeah, it’s about what we were thinking.”

* Bella nods, if she’s sad she’s not showing it.

* “It’s good that they’re together. He loves them a lot, I’m sure Edward will treat them right”

* Jessica nods, Edward does love you a lot.

* She watches Bella try to cram books into her bag

* She is kinda pretty now that she looks at her, in that angular face- snow white kinda way

* She’s no (Y/N)

* And she’s no Mike

* “Hey did you finish the trig homework? I was having tr-“

* But maybe-

* “Hey, Angela and I are going dress shopping in port a, do you want to come with?”

* Maybe they can be friends

* They both liked the same person, so they’ve already got something in common

* Bella looks at the blonde

* To be honest, she’s been holding everyone here at a distance

* In a few years she won’t see any of these people ever again, there’s no need to get attached

* Not after what happened in Arizona

* But still-

* “Yeah, that sounds like fun.”

* Guess she never learns

Tags:  @moonlights27​ @thebluetint​ @the100thtwilight​ @awesomebooklover17​ @oneofthepotterheads​ @smileygirl08​ @imdoingathingmom​ @iconicgguk​ @yrawn​ @alyciaswhore​ @little-horror-show​ @wicked-watering-can​ @lazydreamers​ @ xxxmuxxx @ideas-for-you-to-adopt​​​ @poisoinedhope @maryleigh8796​​ @moose-squirrel-asstiel​​ @hotmessgoodness​ @jaimewho​ @corabmarie​ @what-am-i-doing10​ @alluring-venus​ @imdoingathingmom @anotheryooniverse​ @im-tired-not-sleepy​ @emmettcullenisahimbo​ @my-super-musical-life​ @smolvampiregirl​ @it-was-all-a-beautiful-dream​ @mihikaahujaaa @werewolflover3252​ @teenagezombiekryptonite @shynz​ @reclusive-chicken-nugget​ @monkeyluver4546 @wonhomarshmallow​ @bwbatta @bubblyabs​ @thatwaspossesion​

[her-world-on-fire]

Kisses in the Corridor {Tim Drake x Reader}

MASTERLIST

REQUEST HERE

Word Count: 3,604

Request: Could you please write a tim x reader fic where the reader is a superhero (I was thinking like Barry Allen’s kid and the new Kid Flash) and is also Tim’s s/o and maybe Bruce and/or the Flash catch them having sex? 💜

2s. “stop before someone sees!" & 4s. "ten? i only need five."

WARNING NSFW MATURE CONTENT 18+ Tim and reader are 18

I WOKE up to the sound of a loud buzzing. I moved away from Tim’s grip and reached on the nightstand for my phone. I looked back at Tim, he held the same peaceful expression. I squinted at the caller ID and immediately sat up. I tried to be as gentle as possible, not to wake Tim. He was normally a very light sleeper, but he was sleep deprived. I pushed the blankets off and moved out of the room. I gently opened the door and snuck out into the hallway. I looked down at the caller ID once more to be sure before I answered.

DAD

“Dad? It’s 3am, what’s going on?” I whispered, I heard a rustling in the background. There was some kind of conflict, but I couldn’t quite make it out. After a few moments there was silence, then a heavy sigh.“I need your help.”

“What’s going on?” I moved down the hall trying my best to be quiet. “I’m going to send you some files. I need you to get Tim to decrypt them.”

“Okay send them to me and I’ll have him look at them as soon as he wakes up.” I heard a pause from the other side of the line. “When he-” He paused. “He’s with you right now?” I hadn’t exactly mentioned that I had moved in with him. As far as he knew I was still staying with in the house with the others. I faked a yawn. “I gotta go dad, love you.”

I quickly hung up and moved back into the bedroom. I got back into bed and Tim shifted slightly. I moved closer and he put his arm around me again.

I woke up and found Tim looking up at the ceiling. “Did you sleep okay? I noticed you got out of bed last night.” He turned to me, and I sighed. “Sorry I thought I was being quiet.” He chuckled, “Work hazard. Don’t worry about it.” I sat up and grabbed my phone. “Well it was my dad.” He squinted his eyes. “Why did he call you at 3am?”

“He wanted me to send you some files he needs decrypted.” I handed him my phone and showed him the files. He hummed and sat up. “I’m sorry I know you just finished your project-” He shook his head and get out of bed. “I really don’t mind. I’m sure your father wouldn’t have asked if it wasn’t important.” Tim grabbed his laptop and connected my phone. We moved into the bathroom and got started on our morning routines.

Tim’s was straight forward, he wanted to brush his teeth and get to work. I on the other hand had a few steps. I tried to make Tim do them with me as much as I could. “Come here.” I grabbed his face and massaged a gentle cleanser. Wearing masks almost every night didn’t work wonders for out skin. He waited patiently until I was done. I applied some moisturizer, “All done.”

He smiled and pulled me in for a kiss. “I’ll get the coffee started.”

-------------------------------------------------

 Tim spent most of the day working on the files. When it was time to leave for patrol I had to pry him from the computer. “It’s time already?” I nodded and moved to get up. He stretched and then looked around.

I held out his suit and he sighed in relief. “What would I do without you?” He pulled his shirt over his head. My eyes raked over his toned chest. He had come a long way. He used to be lanky, but he had put on a lot more muscle in the past two years. Whatever shape he was in, I loved him.

Truth be told I was still getting used to his chiseled features. I gave him once last glance. “If I stay here any longer we’re going to be late.” I handed him his suit and moved out of the room. I grabbed my phone and noticed a missed call.

DAD: I’ll be by Friday afternoon, Bruce needs me to speak at his proposal. Looking forward to talking to Tim.

As if Tim didn’t have enough on his plate. I still had another 3 days to prepare Tim. I decided to tell him tomorrow. I put my phone down and Tim emerged from the bedroom. We met Dick at the coordinates he gave us. Dick left for the night leaving the two of us in charge. Tim had wired the police scanners to our headsets. The night moved slowly.

That was until the 3rd hour.

“10-44. Any units between 4th street and Palmdale?” Tim and I exchanged looks, stolen vehicle. We were only a few minutes out. Tim used his grapple, seeing as we were nearby. I got there a few minutes before him. “How bad is it?” The scanners had grown more chaotic. This wasn’t a normal stolen vehicle situation. We learned that there were children inside the car when it was taken. On top of it all, the driver was intoxicated. “Can you send out an alert and clear the next two blocks?”

“Done.”

I kept up with the vehicle, doing my best to move civilians out of the path. With the alert Tim had sent out. I was going to get inside the vehicle and stop the driver. “He’s approaching a construction site. You’re going in blind, the city hasn’t updated the maps.”

“Send an ambulance, and make sure the police don’t go into construction.”

“Y/N-” Tim’s voice said sternly. He was too far behind to do anything. “Be careful.”

“Always am.” Now that there were no civilians in the way, I was going to have to get the children out first. He was nearing the end of the map. I moved in and saw two children in the backseat. I needed to take them one by one. It was safer, their bodies weren’t meant to undergo high velocities. I needed to protected them from whiplash.

The first child was a beautiful chocolate haired boy. “Okay, where are you Tim?”

“Magnolia.” He replied immediately. I took the boy and ran him to Tim. By time his older brother blinked I was back. I left them both with Tim and rushed back to the driver. By now he knew that something was going on. He sped up. “What are you doing?” Tim’s worried voice came over the headset. “They’re safe.”

“He could get away.” I used every ounce of my stamina to catch up. I caught up and moved inside the car. I tried to take control, but he wasn’t giving up. The site was less than a mile away. As it grew closer, I saw it was the outline of a building.

If he breached the gates he wouldn’t have time to stop. He would drive through the building’s foundation, which wasn’t secure. It would crumble onto of us. His hand moved to the gun he had by his side. He slammed the gun into the side of my head. I felt the warmth trickling down the side of my face. I threw a punch and felt it connect. He fired a shot and moved my head back. He missed. I lifted my head back up and took the gun. and tossed it in the back seat. I looked up, it was too late. We were almost inside the building.

Tim was screaming in my headset. He heard the gunshot. I opened the door and pulled the driver out. I looked in front of us, the building slowly started to crumble. There was still a chance. There was a small opening where the building hadn’t caved in yet.

I had to make a choice. I needed to risk taking him and him slowing me down. Or I could leave him and get out, guaranteed. I had a fraction of a second to decide. I took one look at him and decided to risk it. I held on too him and used all my strength to reach the opening. I was exhausted. Just catching up to him when he was miles ahead had taken it out of me. Now I was bleeding, and drained. 

I thought about Tim. Memories of us flashed inside my head. I mustered enough strength to run. I threw the man out and then jumped out of the opening. On impact, I knew something wasn’t okay. I had landed on my shoulder. “Tim.”

He was just outside the gates.

-------------------------------------------------

Luckily my body worked hard to fix the broken bone. Being a speedster came with its perks. Fast metabolism, and healing. By the time Bruce’s proposal came around, my wounds were almost completely healed.

“Are you sure you want to go?” Tim asked once more, hands on either side of my face. “I’m fine Tim. I promise. I wouldn’t miss this for the world.” He sighed, he had seen the x- rays. Physically I was fine. “Fine but if you start to feel even just a headache, we’re coming back.” I nodded and he looked over my face again.

I stuck out my hand and he placed a kiss on it before intertwining our fingers.

We arrived right on time. Tim’s part of Bruce’s proposal was one of the first points. He had to go set up in Bruce’s office. “I’ll be right back.” He took his files and rushed up to the office. I joined Dick, Jason and Damien in the lounge. “Hello, boys.”

They looked up and Dick’s eyebrow’s knitted together. “Are you even supposed to be out of bed?” I laughed, “Dick it was just my shoulder. I’m fine.” Damian snickered at his brother. Dick looked at between his brothers. Jason had a smirk on his face. “What?”

“Speedster. They heal 20 times faster than us.”

“He got promoted to lead of the biotech department of Wayne Enterprises a few weeks ago.”

The boys bickered. My eyes scanned the room for my father. He was incredibly hard to miss. “I’ll be back.” The boys didn’t even turn in my direction. I walked to the other side of the lounge. He turned to me and then patted his college on the shoulder. He approached me, a big smile on his face. “Hey dad.” He opened his arms and pulled me in for a tight hug. I groaned, “Little too hard.” I gasped and he let go. “Sorry, I just haven’t seen you much.”

“I know. I’m sorry I’ve been meaning to visit.” He nodded and looked around. “Where’s Tim?” I pointed to Bruce’s office. “He’s setting up.” My father raised his eyebrows. “I didn’t know he was part of the presentation.”

“Wow. That’s fantastic.” He genuinely was impressed. After all he had a background in bio medicine. He knew how hard the work was. “We’ll I’d love to talk to him about it.” I laughed, of course he did. “You can come by our place after and I’m sure he’d talk your ear off.” He turned to me. His eyes narrowing.

Realization struck, and I cursed internally. Eventually I was going to have to tell him, but I was hoping back at home. In front of family and witnesses. Before he could say anything. There was an announcement on the overhead speaker. We were ushered as the presentations were about to begin.

-------------------------------------------------

Tim did fantastic as expected. He kept the crowd engages and said everything perfectly. He approached me as he walked off of the stage. I clapped along with the crowd. He greeted me with a kiss. “You did amazing Tim.” We walked to the back of the room. He didn’t want to interrupt anyone. He gestured for the door. He took my hand and I followed after him. We closed the door behind us and stood in the corridor. Tim let out a deep breath.

He still wasn’t used to speaking in crowds, and this was a lot larger than he was used to. “Are you alright?” He nodded, “I’m glad it’s over.” He moved to take off his tuxedo jacket. I watched as his arms contracted. He slowly rolled up his sleeves, revealing his muscular arms.

He put his jacket over his arm and looked over at me. A small grin on his face. “What?” I shook my head and sighed. “How much longer is this?” He looked at the clock. “We still have another hour.” I looked up at him. His piercing blue eyes were fixated on mine. His hair wast neatly parted down the middle, every strand perfectly combed in place. He moved closer and put his hand over the wall near my head. “What’s got you all flustered Y/N?”

I took a deep breath, my eyes fixated on his lips. “You, Drake.” He smirked and pressed his lips against mine.

Barry looked around the room, and noticed the absence of Y/N and Tim. He turned to Bruce. “Where are they?” Bruce looked around. No sigh of them. He looked at the cameras on his watch. He didn’t see them. Bruce shook his head. The two got up and moved into the lounge. Damian, Jason and Dick were there for security. He knew no one would get past them unnoticed.

“Have either of you seen Y/N and Tim?” Bruce asked. Dick and Jason looked at each other and then shrugged. Bruce sighed, so much for security.

“I think I saw them go-” Damian spoke nonchalantly. He looked in front of him, behind Bruce and Barry Dick and Jason were trying to tell him something. Quite frankly, they looked like idiots. They were shaking their heads violently waving their arms back and forth. Damien squinted as he tried to read the boys lips. Dick mouthed something he couldn’t quite make out. Bruce and Barry exchanged looks, they turned around and saw Dick and Jason conversing casually.

“Damian?” Jason motioned for him to keep his lips zipped. A smirk grew on Damian's face. He wanted to see it all play out.

Dick and Jason tried. They weren’t quite sure what they were up to but they knew it was nothing good. They tried to stay in Tim’s good graces, in the blink of an eye Tim could hack everything they owned. As for Y/N, they knew there would be no escaping. Y/N could catch up to them anywhere. In short, they didn’t want to piss either of them off.

They had noticed their brother couldn’t keep his hands off of his date. They were two hyperactive teenagers, it didn’t take rocket science to figure it out. They watched as Damian’s smirk grew. He hadn’t figured it out but he knew it would get Tim in trouble and that was enough for him. “They went down the hall and up the elevator.” Bruce gave a short nod and the two went off.

“Well, we tried.” Jason shrugged, and took a swing of his drink. He wasn’t going to deny that watching Tim get his ass kicked by a speedster wasn’t funny. “Should’ve choked the little bastard.” Dick sighed, the two could only wait.

-------------------------------------------------

“Tim.” I let out a shaky breath, trying my hardest to keep quiet. “Stop before someone sees!" We were in a building full of people, at any moment someone could walk down the corridor. Tim chuckled against my neck, “You really want me to stop?” I bit my lip, he was right. I didn’t want him to stop. I was just worried about being caught. “The next presentation starts in 10 minutes.”

"Ten? I only need five."

At this point I threw all common sense out of the window. I took his hand and we were in his office in seconds. I had closed the door behind us. Tim smirked, “In my office? You little-” I interrupted him by kissing him. My hands moved from his hair and down to his suit. I quickly unbuttoned his dress shirt, and my hands moved to unbuckle his belt.

Without breaking the kiss i discarded his dress shirt on the floor. His hands moved to remove my clothing. We broke away for a moment to catch our breaths. He picked me up and moved us to the couch. His lips reconnected to mine once more. I straddled his waist and moved against him for friction. My hands moved back down to the waistband of his boxers. I pulled them down and ran my hands up and down his length.

He let out a groan. “Fuck.” He got rid of the rest of my clothes throwing them across his office. I didn’t waste time in scolding him. I lowered myself down onto his length. We both let out a sigh, all of our pent up frustrations released. Tim’s hands moved back to my waist. He lifted me and then slammed me back down onto himself. I bit my lip, trying to stay quiet. His lips moved down to my neck, leaving wet kisses before moving to whisper in my ear. “They’re all down stairs, I want to hear you.”

Tim loved hearing vocalization, he couldn’t get enough. He knew every part of my body. He knew exactly what to do to get what he wanted. He speed up, and hit just the right spot. I gave in. “Oh god.” We were both breathing heavily. Sounds of pleasure overtook the room. Our bodies moved against each other hungrily. Tim smirked as he moved back to my neck. He moved right to my sweet spot. “Fuck,Tim.”

I dug my nails into his shoulders, leaving small red lines, He pulled away from my neck, satisfied by his work. His lips moved back to mine and speed up again. I felt a growing knot in my stomach each time he moved in and out. Sensing I was close he sat up and took control. He thrusted up into me, over and over, and I grew louder each time. “Please, Tim.” I could feel his thrusts becoming more sloppy, he was close. My orgasm came soon after, my body gave out. I shook against him. He helped me ride out my high. He came and I felt his warmth spread in my core.

“Y/N are you okay-” The door burst open, in the heat of the moment I had forgotten to lock it. Luckily Tim reached for his shirt. He quickly used it to cover me. “I thought you were hurt or dear god.” Barry looked at the ceiling, trying to avert his gaze.

“TIMOTHY JACKSON DRAKE!” Bruce’s voice echoed off the walls. Surely the boys down stairs were snickering. “In your office of all places.” He rubbed his hand across his face. Neither of us knew what to say. “Get dressed. Now.” Bruce said sternly before slamming Tim’s office door.

We moved off of each other and tried to find our clothes. Of course Tim in desperation had scattered my clothes. I was kind enough to leave his nicely by the couch. We quickly got dressed and opened the door. Bruce crossed his arms over his chest. Barry glared at Tim.

“Hey dad.” I smiled nervously, he sighed deeply. “I don’t even know where to start. I’m so-”

“Did you finish uploading the files before you-” Bruce couldn’t finish the sentence, Tim pulled the hard drive out his pocket and handed it over. “Go.” He waved us off and I watched as he placed a hand on my father’s chest. I motioned for Tim to go, and I approached my father. Bruce looked between us and nodded.

“I’m sorry.” He nodded, a silence washed over us. Neither of us sure what to say. Finally, he broke the silence. “So, you really love him?” I looked back at Tim who was having his talk with Bruce. I smiled and nodded. “I really do.” It gave Barry comfort. He had seen the strength of the connection when he first met Tim a year ago. He knew that they were growing up, it was inevitable. After all, he was a teenager once. He knew what it was like to be deeply in love. For now, all he could do was try and forget this ever happened. Tim approached us. I looked back and forth between the two. For a long moment there was just silence. The two held eye contact. “I expect to see you during the holidays Timothy.” Tim nodded, “Of course sir.”

We went back down stairs. Damian snickered, and Tim shot a glare at his brothers. Dick and Jason pointed to their youngest brother. “If either of you breathe a word...” Tim trailed off, his threat looming. His older brothers nodded. “And you,” He turned to Damian. “I’ll end you.” I placed my hand on Tim’s chest. He backed away and stood up straight. “You know he-”

“Thank you for the drive, you helped save a lot of people.” And with that he was off. Tim breathed a sigh of relief, “I thought he was going to kill me.”

“I know. In time, let’s just get through this.” Tim sighed, “Fine.”

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[imagining-in-the-margins]

Here to Misbehave (Pt. 18 | S.R.)

Series Masterlist | Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11 | Part 12 | Part 13 | Part 14 | Part 15 | Part 16 | Part 17 | Part 18 | Part 19 | Part 20 | Part 21 | Part 22 | Part 23 | Finale |

Summary: Reader finds more productive ways to spend her time, including babysitting Henry and volunteering at the local inpatient hospitals.

A/N: That’s my gif so please give credit if you use it 🤗 Couple: Spencer Reid/Fem!Reader 
 Category: Smut (NSFW, 18+) Content Warning: Oral (female receiving), addiction, relapse, discussions of death/murder, unsub talk, hospitals, inpatient ward Word Count: 13K

MASTERLIST

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The next morning felt strangely similar to the morning of the day we’d gone to the bank. . Waking up in Spencer’s bed and smelling the unmistakable, comforting scent of old book pages and stale coffee. I’d told him when I first came to his place that it reminded me of a library, but it was more like that quiet local hole-in-the-wall bookshop.

It almost felt like that morning, but there was one glaring difference: Spencer wasn’t in the bed.

When I sat up to try and locate him, I was reminded that there are consequences to my actions. My stomach hurt like shit, and I swore I blacked out for a second from the pain. It would pass, though. Considering I had gotten through the night without waking, it clearly wasn’t that bad.

I thankfully managed to get out of bed myself and take the pain medication I kept in my purse. And armed with the knowledge that the pain would subside within the next half hour, I hobbled toward the distant sounds of… vomiting.

Not even bothering to stop yet, I made my way to the kitchen to grab the poor guy a glass of water. It was the least I could do for his comfort considering that I was about to make his headache much, much worse.

Peeking my head through the open door, I frowned at the sight of my boyfriend half asleep on the toilet.

“Hey old man. I brought you some water.”  

Finally looking up, not having noticed me until I spoke, Spencer groaned as he backed up to lean against the wall instead of the dirty porcelain. “God, when did I get this old?”

“Hmm. I’m guessing sometime in the past 30 years.” I hummed, joining him on the cold tile floor. The two of us just rested there, his hand reaching out to take mine with a solemn smile.

“You’re cute.” He mumbled.

“I know, thanks.” I joked back, knowing that I really looked like a whole mess, with my hair desperately needing to be brushed. He never seemed to mind, though. I was glad for the lighthearted domesticity of the moment, because I knew I was about to shatter it like a brick through glass.

Softening my features as much as possible with the anxiety coursing through my veins, I squeezed his hand before finally whispering, “You know your age isn’t the only reason you’re sick though, right?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.” He snapped back with about as much hostility as I was expecting. He ran a frustrated hand over his face, his breathing picking up almost immediately as he tried to calm himself down.

“I know you’re just trying to do what you’re supposed to, but please…” The waver in his voice broke my heart and turned my stomach to knots. With more force, he held his hand in the air and continued to stare straight ahead. “Just... don’t. I’ll call my sponsor.”

I tried to keep my voice quiet and nonthreatening as I pushed, but I knew that it wasn’t going to make much of a difference either way.

“We have to talk about it, too, Spencer.”

“No, we really don’t.”

“You’re going to get your chip taken away,” my voice broke in half as the word fell from my mouth, “I know that that’s important to you. We can’t ignore it.”

Speaking faster, our urgent pleas overlapped to create a small cacophony booming through the acoustics of the bathroom. “(Y/n), seriously, stop. You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

A silence fell between us, and I let it sit there for a minute. I wouldn’t get anywhere with him if he was defensive, and that’s exactly what he was at the moment. But I wasn’t trying to chastise him; I’m not his mother, I’m just his worried girlfriend. I loved him and I knew something was wrong, and I just wanted to help.

I didn’t know how. The men I loved never made it far enough for me to be able to help.

“You didn’t even tell me you were coming home. We need to talk about that, at least.” I offered the narrowed scope, hoping that he would take it without any more of a fight.

He didn’t. Instead, he took back his hand and turned it to a fist in his lap. That time it was my breathing that became unsteady, and I tried to touch him, but he recoiled when I came too close.

“You didn’t seem to mind me being drunk last night.”

Although I knew it was coming, the words hurt just the same. I resisted the urge to mirror his actions. I wasn’t angry. I wouldn’t be angry, because that’s what he wanted. If I reacted that way, he could write off my responses.

“I’m not going to agitate you or shame you when the damage is already done, Spencer.” I said as confidently as I could, “I knew you needed affection and you weren’t going to ask for it yourself.”

He finally looked at me again, and in doing so, realized he was making a mistake. The anger melted from his face within seconds, being replaced with overt sadness and guilt. “I could have hurt you.” He whispered through the tears that started to fall.

“But you didn’t.” I said with a gentle smile, reaching over to wipe the saltwater from his cheek. “That’s not a very good excuse anymore.”

“It’s always a good explanation.” He clarified, chewing on his bottom lip. His hands released from their tense state.

My fingers couldn’t move fast enough to clear his tears, but he brought his own hands up to rub the tired eyes. I used the freedom to run my hands through his hair, pulling him closer to me.

Resting his head against my shoulder, he let out a deep, shaky breath. I continued slow, soft strokes along his arm, listening to the rhythm of his breath slowly recalibrate. Once I was satisfied with the pattern, I tried again.

“What happened on the case, Spencer?”

The tension returned, but subsided quicker than it had before. He took a deep breath and spoke through the exhale, trying to rid himself of the thought as he said it.

“We had to kill someone.”

My movements paused for a second before I reminded myself to continue, but my confusion remained. “I understand trauma is complicated but… You guys have to do that pretty often.”

Spencer wasn’t the kind of person who liked to share his thoughts. I knew as much; even his coworkers hadn’t seen the parts of him that I’d seen. There was no way for me to know if I knew them all, but I figured that I didn’t. I was almost certain there was a side of Spencer Reid that even I didn’t know. The only reason I didn’t try to figure it out was because I knew he liked it better that way. He designed his heart that way for a reason, and I wasn’t going to try and pry it out of him.

But he was scaring me. He almost never talked about his job, which didn’t bother me when it was obvious that he didn’t bring it home with him. Him getting drunk and defensive, though, were very different circumstances than the usual.

Understanding that there was no other way out of this, he continued to talk, hushed and slow. “I was alone with the guy, and I had the opportunity to kill him, but I didn’t. I didn’t kill him, even though I really wanted to.”

‘I really wanted to.’ The words stuck out in my head, no matter how quickly he tried to bury them.

“But after Hotch showed up, he had to do it. We didn’t have a choice anymore.” His arms crossed over his chest, but he pressed himself harder against me in a strange, contradictory stance.

I couldn’t respond to the most important part of his confession just yet; I knew the story wasn’t over. Like I’d told him, trauma and grief are complicated; however, there was something else he needed to admit before I could address the part of his admission he seemed most affected by.. “Spencer, that’s okay. That’s not your fault.” I reassured, trying to coax his arms away from his chest. I’m no profiler, but I felt like if he stopped trying to build walls, things might be easier. I could at least try to break down the ones that were tangible.

“I’m not worried about it being my fault. I’m worried about how… angry I am.” He said in defeat, dropping his arms back to his lap. He still didn’t want to touch me, it seemed. Like the same hands that had wielded a gun against a man were too tainted to share.

“I’m angry because… I wanted to kill him, I wanted him to suffer for hurting innocent people and —“ He covered his mouth, and I think the motion surprised himself.

I couldn’t help but feel partially responsible, no matter how illogical I knew that was. It felt like yet another morning was being taken away from us by what had happened before. I didn’t want to think about it; I didn’t want it to torture Spencer the way it did me. It was wishful thinking, and the stupid kind, at that.

Spencer would always blame himself and care too much. While he was always trying to work on the former, I hoped that the world would let him keep the latter. His compassion was one of the many reasons I fell in love with him. The thought of losing the man who felt the need to confess to me that he’d lied about checking me out in a crowded club invoked a sadness I never wanted to experience.

Although, the prospect of that loss paled in comparison to the acute sorrow I was feeling right then, holding Spencer while he failed to hold back tears, choking on his words. “I didn’t do it, and then he almost hurt someone else.” He said, his voice growing more frantic as he broke from my hold, grabbing his hair and pulling it like it would do something to stop the thoughts.

“And I’m angry that I wasn’t the one who got to do it. I wasn’t the person who got to kill him.” He spat, rocking forward as I tried to wrap my arms around him again. He didn’t let me, putting an arm out to hold me away from him. Still, he looked at me when he forced himself to say the conclusion that I’d reached the second he told me he had wanted to kill someone.

“I’m angry that I didn’t kill someone, (y/n).”

There were so many things I wanted to say to him that my mind literally couldn’t pick any of them. All I could do was stare at the man I loved, stopping me from doing the only thing I wanted to do. I just wanted to hold him; to remind him that I would love him no matter what. Just like we always did, I wanted my body to express the things that my mouth wouldn’t articulate.

But apparently, I was capable of doing that without even touching him. Because the longer we sat in silence, the more his enraged grimace warped to a frown. “Please, don’t look at me like that.” He begged, unable to take his eyes off of mine. I wondered if he could hear my thoughts, because before I even spoke, he pulled his arm back. “Don’t look at me like I deserve sympathy for that.”

Ignoring the pesky numbness forming in my lower half at the awkward position on the unforgiving tile floor, I thanked the lord that I was finally getting some relief from the narcotics, which allowed me to climb on Spencer’s lap. He’d finally ceased his valiant efforts to keep me away from him, accepting me with his hands on my hips.

When I tried to kiss him, however, he turned his face away with a sharp inhale. Careful not to use too much force, I use a tender hand on his cheek to lead him back to me. His eyes bounced between my lips and eyes, almost like he was asking me to try again.

“I’m not going to pretend you’re a monster to make you feel better, Spencer.” I whispered, attempting to infuse the words with everything I felt.

Whether it worked or not, I could never be sure, but Spencer’s small smile sneaking over his cheek was enough for me. “I’m pretty sure it’d make me feel worse.” He croaked, laughing as he bit his tongue to stop any other jokes from slipping out. Like he was betraying the pain by letting it go.

“Well I’m not going to do that, either.” I returned with a laugh. Then, satisfied that he would accept my affections, I closed the gap between us. The kiss was so soft I could almost question whether our lips touched. But his hands slid over my lower back, his arms wrapping around me and pulling me against him.

Eventually, it became obvious just how tired the both of us were. With a quiet thanks, he rested his face on my shoulder, enjoying the calm after the storm of his feelings that he’d finally released.

“Can you come back to bed?” I asked.

“Yeah.” He mumbled, holding tighter for a second before he started to help ease me off his lap. “Let’s go, little girl.”

The return to my nickname made me happier than I’d like to admit. At this point, the use of my real name was like a litmus test for his anxiety. And although I could feel Spencer slowly opening back up to me, he still felt so far away when we crawled under the covers.

Turning on my side to face him, I saw something in his eyes that alerted me to just how deeply rooted this problem was. It wasn’t just the event we’d discussed; it was the knowledge that there would be many more like it in the future.

I wondered what Spencer saw when he looked at me. Did he see me like I was in that moment, or was I always going to look like I had before, choking on blood and a confession I wish I could have made more beautiful? Did he see me at all? Or did he just see all the mistakes he’d made? Would all our moments together be marred by the overwhelming tragedy of a single one? More than anything, I just hoped that he didn’t see the faces of the people who had caused us to be in that horrible tableau. I needed Spencer to see beautiful things when he looked at me, because I needed to see them in his eyes. If something so ugly was the biggest thing between us, our relationship would fray with time, each of us unable to truly see the other.

“You’re the best man I’ve ever known.” I said into the silent early morning air of his apartment.

As expected, Spencer’s precarious smile broke almost immediately, replaced with violent sobs and an attempt to hide his face from me by burying it in my chest. I let him, wrapping my arms around his head in the hope that I could act like a shield for the world that never let him rest.

“I’ll love you forever,” I let my voice break, but I didn’t let that stop me. “And nothing will ever change that.”

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One of the things people never warn you about when you’re dating a bona fide genius is that there is no such thing as a surprise. It was like every time I came up with an idea, Spencer could see it on my face within seconds. I was never really sure how he did it, although he usually had the decency to wait until a normal person would have figured it out to say something. For example, when we were about three streets away from his best friend’s house.

“Why are we going to JJ’s house?” He finally asked, turning to me with a confused but excited expression that almost hid the residual negative feelings that insisted on sticking around a week later.

I glanced over at him, laughing at the way his fingers bounced on his lap. He never was subtle with his emotions. “I may or may not have offered us up as babysitters so she and Will could have a much needed date night.”

From the way his shoulders dropped, I could tell it wasn’t the answer he’d been expecting. Still, it didn’t seem like he was disappointed— he was simply trying to read my motivations that were seemingly counter-intuitive.

“Really? Isn’t that gonna be a lot for you?” The concern was evident in his voice, which I found both endearing and a little annoying. It wasn’t this fault, really. I was just so freaking tired of not being able to do basically anything I wanted to. Especially when the thing I wanted to do was watch my boyfriend and his godson.

“Henry may be well behaved, but he’s still a toddler.” Spencer continued, eliciting a deep sigh from me.  

“That’s why you’re here.” I half-joked, pulling into the driveway that was starting to feel familiar. If someone had told me a few months ago that I would become friends with the woman I was angrily binge watching clips of on YouTube, I would have asked them if they had me confused for another girl. But, much to Spencer’s delight, JJ and I never really had that awkward phase. From the second that I met her, I knew that we just wanted the same thing: above all, for the people we loved to be happy. And it seemed we both had a soft spot for the man currently in my passenger seat.

“Oh, running after the kid is my job?” He laughed, already unbuckling his seatbelt and pulling his bag onto his lap in his excitement.

“Yep.” I stuck out my tongue at him, which only made him lean over in an attempt to steal a kiss. I allowed it, if only to bring him within arm’s reach. When he started to pull away, clearly ready to hop out of the car and run to his favorite toddler, I grabbed a fistful of his cardigan in an attempt to keep him closer for a second longer.

“But seriously, Spencer, I…”

He settled into his seat, immediately recognizing the faint tremor in my words. His hand came to rest over mine, and I sighed at the warmth that filled my whole body in seconds.

“I want you to remember that you’re a good person.” I whispered, trying to let him feel how deeply I meant the words, “I know how much you love Henry. I think spending time taking care of someone that’s… not me… will be good for you. And me.”

Those big brown eyes glassed over, glancing down and then away from me as he remembered looking at my stomach didn’t ever do much for his self-hatred. Which, in turn, just made me feel worse. I wondered if there would ever be a day where he could look at me and not feel that way. I desperately hoped that there would be.

Spencer rubbed his eyes to stop any other emotions from spilling out. “Does JJ know we’re using her kid as therapy?” He joked between sniffles.

“She’s a smart lady.” I shrugged, smoothing out the now wrinkled cardigan beneath my fingers. “Besides, Henry said he missed you and it’s hard to say no to him.”

And just like that, Spencer’s bouncing returned, his hand reaching behind him to open the door before he could even open his mouth to speak. “Yeah, we probably shouldn’t keep him waiting, then.”

There was no stopping him at that point, and I trailed along behind him, watching as Henry tumbled out of the front door and straight into my boyfriend’s waiting arms on the porch.

The rest of the night went a lot like that, too. Once the novelty of having me there wore off, and Henry realized that my boo-boo made it hard for me to play the way little boys liked to, Spencer returned to his rightful place as Henry’s favorite babysitter.

I didn’t mind; I was perfectly content watching the two of them. Between the cheesy magic tricks that required a little bit of childlike innocence to be entertained by and Spencer’s attempts to follow along with Henry’s excited rants about cartoons my boyfriend had never even heard of, I somehow fell even more in love with the man.

And even though I had planned this for him, it was restorative for me, too. There was this weird, paradoxical guilt you feel when you’re dating someone like him. Although I know that he wanted to spend every waking second of his free time with me, it made me feel like he was missing out on something else. Something better than me.

It was so easy to forget that we could do those things together. In a way, I could thank my injury for that. When we were limited so much on what we could do together, we had to find creative ways to spend time together that were still stimulating for the both of us.

That being said, in that moment I wished for nothing more than rest. Even just watching the two boys together was exhausting, so when Henry’s first yawn sounded, I jumped at the opportunity. Because, see, Spencer was good at the playing, but I was much better at the cuddling.

It wasn’t like he could argue, either, because while Henry curled up next to me on one side, Spencer was on the other, his arm reaching around to rest on the young boy’s back. Despite picking out the movie, Henry fell asleep against my chest within minutes.

And in the quiet calmness of JJ’s house, I found myself almost falling asleep, too. My head rested against Spencer’s shoulder, moving ever so slightly with each deep breath as my eyes struggled to stay open. That was when Spencer kissed the top of my head so delicately that I almost didn’t feel it.

“I love you, little girl.”

My heart skipped a beat at the sound, and the wave of goosebumps and satisfaction covered me like a blanket. If we’d stayed for even a few minutes longer, I would have fallen asleep right there. However, JJ and Will arrived home just in the nick of time. They tried to convince us to stay, but Spencer seemed uncharacteristically excited to leave, so I didn’t question it even though I wanted to. I took the trip home to catch up on my phone and try to wake myself up enough to spend another hour or so awake with him before I passed out.

“Don’t fall asleep yet.”

I perked up in my seat, not entirely sure if he’d actually said the words, or if I’d just imagined them a little too vividly. But when he glanced over at me, I knew that he was just doing that slightly unsettling thing where he read my thoughts.

“Why? You got plans?” I said through a yawn, trying to stretch within the confines of the car.

“As a matter of fact, I do have plans.”

At first, I thought nothing of the smug way he said it— up until I felt his hand slowly slide up my thigh, the pressure of his fingers increasing when he couldn’t go any further.

“This feels familiar.” I chuckled, my mind transporting me back to our first not-a-date. The sensations caused a desire to burn through me so quickly I became lightheaded, my lungs hungry and desperate as Spencer continued to tease me by avoiding the one place he knew I wanted him to touch.

But, of course, just as I reached down to move his hand, he pulled it away altogether.

“Lucky for you, we’re almost home.”

I audibly groaned, knocking my head back against the seat now that Spencer had succeeded in waking me up. “Sometimes, Spencer…” I mumbled, “I remember why I have to be such a fucking brat.”

“It’s my fault, is it?”

There was a distinct darkness and deviancy in his words, despite the joking cadence they were uttered in. It was a voice I hadn’t heard in some time; a voice that was imprinted so vividly in my memory that even just the thought of it would make me putty in his hands. And I knew that I was reminiscing a lot, trying to relive times that had long since passed, but every time I saw a part of the old Spencer — the Spencer who rambled in museums and demanded I cover up my Lolita costume — the more I felt like my life was finally returning to normal.

“Of course it’s your fault. Have you seen me?” I gestured to myself, swamped in a sweatshirt and shorts like a weather-confused idiot. If the clashing clothing wasn’t enough, my make up had smeared from constantly rubbing my eyes. “I’m an angel.” I concluded, intending it to be sarcastic but knowing that he really saw me that way.

And sure enough, Spencer looked me over for just one second before pulling into the parking lot to his apartment complex. “You’re spoiled.” He decided.

“Doesn’t feel that way right now.” I whined, chewing on my bottom lip as I continued to wait for his attention.

But he just parked my car, leaning over to grab his bag from between my legs. Before it got too far, though, I clamped my legs around the leather. “Stop ignoring me!” I said through a pout, only getting more heated as he chuckled in response, tugging on the satchel until it slid from between my legs.

Finally, after what felt like forever, Spencer’s eyes locked with mine, his other hand grabbing my chin and forcing my bottom lip out from between my teeth. He held my mouth open against my resistance, but as soon as I gave into his hold, he relaxed his grip, leaning forward and pressing a much-too-soft kiss against my lips.

Without even fully breaking away, he turned my head to the side to whisper in my ear, “Get inside and I’ll make it up to you.”

Life was returning to normal. Together we excitedly stumbled through the Langham apartment complex until we got to his door, and he fumbled to unlock it without letting me go.

Everything about the chaos felt comfortable and predictable. I didn’t even notice the dull throbbing in my stomach because Spencer’s hands felt like home. The insistent noise of all my messy insecurities was quieted by his lips trailing down my jaw and neck as we finally crossed the threshold.

“Watching you with Henry, I just...” Spencer began to mumble against my neck, our bodies gravitating toward his room with a complete lack of grace, considering how well I should know the layout by now. We made it to the door, but not his bed, as he pressed me against the wall right on the other side.

His lips were slightly swollen from how feverishly he’d kissed me, his breathing ragged and his hair wild from where my hands had raked through it a few too many times. But his eyes were what really caught my attention, staring into me so deeply that it caused a shiver to roll down my spine. Spencer sensed my hesitance, because he brought a gentle hand to my face before he spoke, quietly but surely.

“I want to marry you one day. You know that, right?”

I thought about before; how those words would have filled me with both a naive joy and overwhelming anxiety. But as I stood there, staring back at him, I felt a genuine smile spreading across my lips.

“We speak in a lot of ‘one days,’ Dr. Reid.”

I couldn’t tell the effect the words had on him, although I had a few guesses. I’d avoided the part of the sentence he’d meant for me to hear the loudest. We both knew I’d heard it. At the same time, I hadn’t denied the idea or given any reason to suggest I wasn’t happy about the statement.  

“I’m serious.” He insisted, not ready to drop the subject just yet.

Unfortunately for him, though, I had other plans. As much as the talk of marriage gave me butterflies, there were more immediate needs I wanted him to fulfill. So, without saying anything, I subtly suggested that he put off the conversation and switch to other activities with a firm hand against the bulge that had already formed in his pants.

“God, I want to fuck you.” He immediately groaned, his head lolling forward and resting against mine. I figured that it would be harder to convince him to fuck me now that he wasn’t drunk, but he seemed even more willing now that we’d already made the leap of faith once. Nothing bad had happened to me then, and the dramatic improvement of my mood was helpful for both of us.

So I began to slide down the wall, my hands raking down his chest as I giggled, “Let me help you.”

Spencer’s hands moved so quickly and with such strength that it surprised the both of us. Luckily, he’d grabbed my hips instead of my stomach, halting me before I could drop to my knees.

“No.” He firmly corrected, lifting me back to my normal height before turning the two of us around so that my back was to the bed. “It’s my turn.”

Much gentler now, he helped lower me onto the bed, but he didn’t follow me yet.

“Take off your clothes.” He instructed me as he removed his own.

I listened, watching him intently to try and determine his plans before he actually got to me. But he kept his expressions to a minimum, only giving away his enthusiasm in watching me sheepishly remove my clothing. My shirt was still on when he climbed onto the bed and over my body.

“I want to see you.” There was something pitiful about the way he uttered the words, and my hands hesitated, holding tightly to the hem of my shirt as I avoided his eyes.

“You have an eidetic memory, Spencer. You know what it looks like.”

“I’ll never stop wanting to see you. You’re so beautiful, (y/n).” He used my name, and my body reacted just as quickly as he realized his mistake. Grabbing my arms before I could close them over me, he brought my wrists against the bed beside my head. “You can leave it on for now.”

What he said provided me all the context I needed to know what he was planning, and I locked my legs around him, hoping that I could stall him for a few moments.

“Please, Spencer. Please fuck me.” I begged, arching my back and baring my neck to him, knowing that he could see my erratic pulse in my neck.

“I can’t. Not yet.” His voice was strained, one hand raised so that his fingers could brush over my neck. “It won’t be much longer.”

Frustrated by his undying desire to take care of me, I used my hand that he’d released to grab a handful of his hair. “I want to feel you inside of me again.” I moaned through the words, my heels digging into his back and bringing his hips down to meet mine. I watched as his eyelids fluttered shut, his breath hitching in his throat.

“I want to see the look on your face when you fill me up.” I continued, bucking up in search of the delicious friction I’d been deprived of for months now. “I know what you’re thinking when you do it.”

“F-fuck.” He struggled to lower his hand to hold my hips down, but I could tell he was scared he would hurt me in the process. It was a dangerous game, to ever put me in this position when neither of us had pants on. Spencer’s confidence wavered as he choked on his words, “This isn’t going to work.”

“You can’t think about that if I’m not touching you.”

“Yes, I can.” He responded with no hesitation, his eyebrows raising in a challenge.

“But isn’t it so much more fun when it’s actually possible?” I cooed.

“It’s always possible, it’s just so unlikel— Fuck!” Spencer cut off by his own gasp when I finally succeeded in pulling him against my heat.

The noise that I gave was something between a sigh and a moan, and I swore I saw Spencer’s pupils dilate in response. There were just some things he couldn’t hide, no matter how hard he tried. But my satisfaction was short lived, and Spencer sat up on his knees to place a manageable distance between us.

“We’re not doing this.” He growled through clenched teeth, his nails raking over my thighs before he removed them entirely. “Stop being a greedy fucking brat and spread your legs.”

I waited a second, hoping that Spencer would get impatient and force my legs open himself. But he flashed me a look, warning me that if I didn’t behave, he could very easily just send me to bed without any satisfaction. And as much as I wanted to call his bluff, the idea of going to bed without getting to touch him was so upsetting.

So, I slowly dropped my legs open, running my hands over the skin still burning from where his hands had touched me. And even slower, Spencer lowered himself until his face rested against my thigh, the scruff of his cheek causing a shiver to run up my body.

“Don’t tell me that a few months of me pampering you has undone all of my hard work.” He murmured so softly I almost didn’t hear it.

But the fact that I did was evidenced by my laugh. “That would imply you’ve actually accomplished something to undo, but I’m just as bratty as the day you met me, Dr. Reid.”

He smiled, his eyes focusing on my face as I continued to giggle, now urged on by the way his breath tickled my inner thigh. “Is that right?” He said in that familiar cocky voice. “Because I happen to recall that the first time that I did this, you tried to stop me.”

The blood rushed to my cheeks as my mind replayed the memory of his smirk from when he had held my legs open for him.

‘You’re not broken, little girl. Promise.’ Just the thought of the words was enough to cloud my mind, but I was dedicated to besting him in this exchange. If he was going to be arrogant, then I would give him the best challenge I could.

“Would you rather I fought you?” I asked, beginning to pull my legs shut before he grabbed them and pulled them over his shoulders.

“No. The instructions for tonight should be very easy to follow; even for you.”

I was trying to pay attention, but it was getting harder the closer he came to actually fucking doing something. It was so obvious that he was getting off on the way my eyes were barely able to stay open, my chest moving with each half-sob that came when he would lay a kiss against my hips.

“What are they?” I slurred, grabbing handfuls of the sheets to prevent myself from forcing him against me.

It was clearly the exact question he was waiting for, a devilish smirk stretching over his cheeks as he dragged his lips down to where I wanted them, moving them against my skin to say, “Stay still, and don’t be quiet.”

While I appreciated the instruction, I feared that it was in vain. Because when Spencer finally flattened his tongue against me, I couldn’t have stopped myself from immediately crying out if I tried.

My hands retained their death grip on the sheets, partially making up for the fact that my body immediately disobeyed his command to stay still. But I couldn’t help it; the long strokes of his tongue up and down my sex felt like pure bliss. And honestly, it wasn’t even just the physical sensations. It was just the knowledge that we were back where we should be; shamelessly indulging in our need for each other without inhibitions. Spencer was clearly enjoying himself, his hands struggling to gently hold me down while he devoured me like a man starved.

I couldn’t look at him, my head bent so far back I could see the headboard. His name fell from my mouth like a mantra, my hips rolling against each motion of his tongue.

“I missed you.” I cried, my legs once again locking around him, my heels on his back as I wished I could pull him closer. “I missed this so badly, Spencer.”

He couldn’t really answer, although I think the moan that he gave was meant to be a response. The vibrations almost sent me over the edge, but right before they could, he pulled back ever so slightly.

I glanced down to figure out why, and was met with his eyes watching me intently, analyzing every response I was giving him; memorizing the way my body shook with need after just a few weeks in his absence.

“Please, don’t stop.” I begged, not caring how pathetic the words sounded when they broke in my throat.

“Oh, I’m not.” He mumbled against me, raising his lips to close around the bundle of nerves at my crest.

At first, I just sighed, appreciating the soft flicks and swirls of his tongue that would eventually build up another release. But it was when I closed my eyes that he revealed his plan.

Without any warning, I felt his finger slip between my folds, thrusting into me with one fluid motion as my wanton moans filled the room. He didn’t let them distract him, his mouth intent on the rhythm it had set, and his hand insistently working to match it.

There was nothing comprehensible in the noises I made, and neither of us seemed to mind. Spencer was only urged on, quickly adding a second finger in his ruthless pace that finally forced me to release the wrinkled sheets in my hands. Instead, they wound through his hair, pulling me against him as I chased my release.

“Please.” I whined, hoping that he would know what I was asking for. Because I didn’t even know what I was asking for— just that he could give it to me.

And sure enough, he did, his fingers beginning to curl inside of me with each motion. I used all of the energy I could muster had to keep my hips relatively still, although they were still trembling with the tension spreading through my muscles that tightened around him.

I wanted to call out his name, to give him the praise and recognition he deserved, but my tongue was tied in the haze of pleasure that overtook me. I could barely breathe, my mind transported to some alternate universe where there was only Spencer and myself. There was no point in identifying where we diverged, because he felt so much like a part of me in that moment, I could never separate from him again.

My walls fluttered around his fingers that still pumped into me with the same vigor. His tongue continued to circle my clit while he gently sucked, clearly lost in his own form of pleasure from the activity.

I wished I could touch him more. I wanted to drag him up to my lips, turn him onto his back and ride him until my legs gave out. But I couldn’t; my body tired and no longer used to the energy we once made a habit of spending on each other on any given day. It had used that energy to dull the pain so I could enjoy the relatively tame experience we had just shared.

As I came down from my orgasm, I was filled with guilt over the fact that I hadn’t so much as touched him once in this entire encounter, and now my hands weren’t even able to keep my grip on his hair as he lifted his head.

Spencer seemed none the wiser about the shame brewing in my head, and he wiped his mouth to reveal a lovesick smile beneath his hand.

“Good girl.” He rasped, crawling up to my side rather than on top of me. With a tender hand, he brushed aside the strands of my hair that stuck to the sweat on my face. “I knew you could behave.”

He sounded so proud of me, which only served to intensify the guilt now pouring from my heart and tainting the rest of what should have been a beautiful memory. I clung to the little bit of light I saw in those toffee eyes.

“How dare you imply I’m ever capable of such a thing.” I chuckled, reaching out to hold him somehow.

He took my hand in his, raising it to his lips for a brief kiss before resting them both against his heart.

“Can I help you?” I sounded drunk from my exhaustion, but hopefully determined enough to convince him I was willing. He didn’t buy it.

“No, go to sleep.”

He leaned forward like he was going to kiss me, but then brought his fingers down over my eyes, brushing over my lids in an attempt to get me to close them. To his credit, it worked, but only for a second before they snapped back open.

“That’s not fair!” I murmured, pulling the sheet over me while I tried to sneak closer to him. I noticed the way he scrutinized my free hand’s movements, ready to stop it from doing too much.

‘It’s gonna be like that, huh?’ I didn’t let it stop me from trying. I didn’t even get to his bellybutton before he snatched my wrist.

“I said no.”

“You know... I could help you without touching you.” I offered instead, pressing my hand against his chest since he wouldn’t let it move any lower. “It’s not the first time we’ve touched ourselves for each other.”

Spencer snorted at the reference, bringing my hands up to his neck, where they happily ran through his now tangled hair.

“That didn’t end well for me last time.”

“I bet you still finished without me.” I teased, my tongue slipping out from my mouth.  “Did my pictures come in handy?”

“Like you said— I have an eidetic memory. I don’t need pictures.”

The most noticeable part of his response wasn’t the way his cheeks turned pink, but rather that he didn’t deny that he’d used the pictures. Knowing they were long gone now, considering Penelope’s tendency to snoop too much for her own good, I wondered if that memory was filed away somewhere special in his mind.

“You especially don’t need them when I’m right here.” I purred, tugging him closer by his hair until the gap between us was gone, our lips pressed feverishly against the other.

It was always like that. Like the second we touched, the proverbial dam between us turned to dust. Within a matter of seconds, we’d be so wrapped up in each other that we didn’t care about the wreckage left in our wake.

Spencer didn’t let it get that far, though. He hadn’t in some time.

“You have had enough excitement for one day. I don’t need anything.” He clarified, clearing his throat and acting like I couldn’t feel his erection pressed against my thigh. Still, his next statement was so genuine I couldn’t have argued with it if I tried. “I just wanted to take care of you. That’s all I’ve ever wanted.”

But on the topic of wanting, I knew I felt it more. “I want things to be normal again.” I answered quickly, an urgency blooming in my throat that died when I tried to finish the thought. “I feel so... useless.”

His hand has grabbed my chin before I even noticed its absence on my hip. He held my face towards him, a dark and pained timbre in his voice.

“Don’t ever think that.”

It was a plea. I wanted to give him the relief and assurance he sought, but my gut told me to be honest with him, even if it hurt us.

“It’s just that before, we... did so much more and I’m scared that I won’t...”

Why was it so hard? He was looking at me like he would do anything to stop me from feeling even the slightest discomfort, but I felt like I was suffocating. I didn’t want to disappoint him. I didn’t want him to worry. I wanted to make him as happy as he made me, but...

“I’m scared that I won’t ever be able to do it again.”

He couldn’t tell me that I was wrong. If he tried to make it only about my physical condition, he risked the chance of me telling him I don’t want to do it ever again. Did I feel that way? It was hard to tell; it was too early to tell. But the crushing despair that I felt at the thought of losing that part of our relationship suggested I did not feel that way.

“Hey. Look at me.” Spencer’s voice tore me away from the intrusive thoughts about our inevitable fallout, his hand still holding me in place in front of him, and his eyes still promising me the world.

“Just because we’ve done something before doesn’t mean we ever have to do it again.”

The words felt like the first breath after struggling for air underwater and finally breaking the surface just in the nick of time. Why were they such a relief? I couldn’t figure it out, but was too afraid to ask, fearing how Spencer might take it. Although, the tears pooling at my lashes gave him more than enough to read.

“Tell me you understand.” His request was as gentle as always. After a moment of trying, and failing, to collect myself, I nodded.

He sighed, cautiously moving his palm to cup my cheek. It was his voice that broke then. “I know this is hard, but I need you to use your big girl words for this. I need to make sure you hear me.”

“I understand.” My throat ached as I forced the words out. I could tell he wasn’t convinced but knew any argument would be meaningless while we were both so tired.

“Thank you.” He said, anyway. And like the prettiest sounding broken record, he let his fingertips trail over any exposed area he could find as he spoke the same words I’d heard before, even more insistent. “Even if you never touched me again, just knowing that you’re alive and happy... That alone makes the happiest man in the world.”

Spencer’s lips pressed against my forehead, resting there for a little too long. From the uneven shake of his breath, I knew he was hiding something, but didn’t want to ask what. I suspected they were tears.

I had disappointed him again. I had hurt him, yet again. I hadn’t meant to.

“It’s all that I need. To know that you’re happy.” There was an implicit message hiding in those words.

He was saying he wanted me to be happy, consciously neglecting to voice the resigned addition, ‘even if it’s not with me.’

“I know.” I whispered, half asleep as he continued drawing patterns on my skin. I meant to tell him that he was the only man who’d ever made me feel truly happy, safe, and loved— the only one I trusted with my heart. But all that came out was a simple, “I love you.”

“I love you, too.” He said back, leaving me to wonder if he’d heard what I meant.

—————————————————

After everything I’d been through, I’d sworn that I would never want to be in a hospital ever again. But, unfortunately for me, it seemed my stubbornness extended even to my own limits, which explained why I was currently walking through the doors of the residential inpatient ward. It was a good idea in theory, to volunteer in the last place I wanted to be so that I could grow used to being there again.

It didn’t have to be a scary place.

Especially since the people around me weren’t the typical hospital patients. In fact, the people there weren’t even the usual patients of the hospital. Apparently, the ward was hosting a group of traveling patients that had been deemed fit for a vacation to the nation’s capital.

My assignment was simple enough - simply meet with a person and discuss the book they were currently reading. There was no requirement that we had to have read the book before, considering that would leave most people without a partner at all.

I was expecting to meet someone to discuss some niche romance novel or whatever had recently come out in theaters, but as I scanned the list of books, one stuck out to me more than the others.

The Book of Margery Kempe (1501).

It wasn’t the book itself that piqued my interest— I’d never read it. I had, however, listened to Spencer explain the entire premise to me on several occasions. Unsurprisingly, no one else volunteered for the book from the fifteenth century that referred to the main character as “this creature.” No one until me, that is.

There was no questioning who my partner was when I entered the room, spotting her quickly on the outskirts of the room with the book in her hand, but her eyes fixed on the raindrops slowly dripping down the window.

“Hi, are you Diana?”

She jumped a little at the sound of my voice, and I tried not to be consumed by guilt for surprising her despite my best efforts not to.

“Who are you?”

“I’m (y/n). I’m sorry if I scared you. I was assigned to be your book buddy today.” I explained, gesturing to the book on her lap with a smile that wasn’t big enough to be fake. From what the nurses had told me about her, I figured it was best to just be as genuine as possible… which made my answer to her next question a little more difficult.

“You’ve read this book?”

“Actually, I haven’t. No one had.” I laughed, pulling another chair over to her before taking a seat. “But I have heard someone go through basically the entire story in their own words, so...” I never finished the thought, cut off by a slight scoff from the woman.

“I figured. You’re very young.”

“Hey! Young people can read the classics.” I defended, crossing the lower half of my legs and tucking my hands between my knees. It probably gave away some of my nerves, but I figured it was alright considering she wasn’t a profiler and Spencer wasn’t here.

“But you don’t.” She wryly noted.

“Guilty. My boyfriend does, though.” I acquiesced, albeit a bit distracted as my mind decided to focus on those memories rather than the current reality.

“At least you’ve got that exposure. It’s important to learn these things.”

For a second, it felt like I was being lectured by my boyfriend, making it hard not to laugh, which I was pretty sure she didn’t appreciate.

“Can you tell me about it? I want to know if my boyfriend was just making stuff up.” I shrugged, laughing while I found myself avoiding her eyes. She noticed that behavior; most people would.

But to my surprise, she started to explain the book, anyway. Less surprising was the realization that Spencer hadn’t made up any of it. It was clear as day from their similar words that they had definitely read the same book. And if I didn’t know any better, I’d have thought they’d discussed it together, too.

She was more talented than he was at explaining, though. Maybe it was a little bit my fault, considering I always got distracted by his voice. But with her, it really did feel like someone sharing a part of themselves. I could tell how deeply she cared for literature, and it made me more excited to hear about the chaste holy woman that found herself tempted by jealousy and sex.

When her story was winding to an end, I was almost sad that it was over. “You must have been a professor.” I mumbled, having already forgotten the information I was given by the nurses.

She was quick to correct me, her mouth curling into a frown as she said, “I still am. I’m just not on the campus anymore.”

“Of course. Gotta stay sharp, right?” I half-heartedly joked, sitting up from my slouched position. A brief stint of silence stretched between us and glancing at the clock I realized that it would still be a little while until Spencer could come get me. So, I turned back to the woman in front of me, noticing the way she stared out the window as she chewed on her nails.

“Is that why you wanted to visit D.C.?” I wondered aloud, and her response didn’t help assuage that curiosity at all.

“I... have another reason.”

“That sounds very mysterious, Diana.” I giggled, leaning forward and whispering, “Are you secretly a rebel?”

She scoffed, but I detected amusement behind the apparent derision. “Nothing like that.”

As sneaky and vague as she was being, and the fact that I had been warned of her paranoia, I still found myself wanting to ask her what could possibly make her as happy as her current thought.

“So what is it?” I said, leaning back in an effort to seem less insistent, explaining my intentions in a rant reminiscent of my boyfriend. “I don’t mean to pry, I just... you got really happy and I’d love to share in that excitement.”

“That’s just selfish.”

She really was so much like him.

“That’s how you know I won’t judge you.” I pointed out, raising one hand in the air and placing the other on my heart.

“I’m not worried about that.” She just waved her hand at me, ignoring my dramatic gesticulations and sighing as she glanced down at the book once more. After another moment of contemplation, her eyes flicked up to me so quickly I almost missed them, analyzing my features one more time before she carefully said, “I’m here to visit my son.”

“That sounds wonderful.”

Although her expression was anxious, she still seemed at least a little relieved to have shared her plans with someone.

“He is.” She returned, lightly brushing the back of the book, almost like she was trying to remember something etched on the beveled hardcover. “He’s a good boy. Very bright. He has wonderful adventures. He goes all over the country. He used to tell me everything but... he’s gotten too busy for his mother these past few years.”

As I took in the words, I felt the pain in her voice. My heart wrenched in my chest, imagining how awful it must be to not have a chance to talk to your family. “I’m sure he doesn’t mean to ignore you.” At least, I hoped not. She had so many stories to tell, even in just this short window, I couldn’t imagine anyone would want to avoid her. Then again… I knew it could be hard.

“I know he’s busy. That’s why I wanted to come here. It makes it easier for him.” She was confident in her explanation, and I nodded back with similar gusto.

“Have you talked to him yet?”

“No. I’m going to have them call him today.”

We were both happy then, and I clapped my hands together in front of me to suppress the urge to touch her as I excitedly replied, “I hope you get to see him.”

“Me too,” she agreed, simultaneously hopeful and defeated, before turning back to the window with the same wistfulness as before. “If not, the museums will be nice, too.”

“Hey, if you need a docent, I could always call my boyfriend. He would be so excited to talk to a fellow scholar who could actually follow along.” I excitedly replied, rocking forward in my chair with a goofy grin at the thought. She reminded me enough of him that I figured the two would get along. He’d at least understand what she talked about, unlike me.

“There’s no one that can compare to my son.” She warned, narrowing her eyes and pouting in a way I swore I’d seen before on another face.

“I bet. He does sound a lot like him, though. I bet they’d be friends.” The gears in my brain, rusted and slightly worn, started to turn. “They actually might be... my boyfriend lives near here.”

And that was when it hit me, the obvious conclusion I’d been avoiding for some reason. That creeping, unsettling familiarity wasn’t from coincidence; it was my brain recognizing her as an extension of the man I loved.

“...What’s your son’s name?”

She never got to answer, because no sooner had I finished saying the words thanwe both heard Spencer’s voice from the door behind us.

“Mom?”

The realization crashed into all three of us like a goddamn freight train. And even with my flair for the dramatic, I found my head spinning as I tried to will time to rewind itself.

“Spencer? How did you know I was here?” Diana said through a confused gasp, turning to me to see the equally stunned look on my face.

“I didn’t… I—“

They both turned to me, but I was too busy staring halfway between them, my jaw dropped open and my brain suddenly devoid of any helpful thought.

When it decided to finally be helpful, it was only marginally better. “Well… that makes a lot of sense.” I said with a cringeworthy laugh. When neither of them laughed, and continued to stare at me, I quickly shot up from my chair and waved a shaking hand. “You should talk to your mom. I’ll give you guys a minute.”

I didn’t get very far before Spencer’s hand caught my wrist, his wild eyes wide and insistent as he crackled, “Actually, I need a minute alone with you. If that’s okay.”

I turned to Diana for her permission but found nothing useful. She was also still caught up in the disaster that had just occurred, and turned back to her son who seemed genuinely apologetic.

“Sorry mom, I’ll… I’ll be right back.”

Spencer nearly dragged me out of the room, shutting the door and hiding out of sight of any windows. If he was ready to unleash his pent up anxiety, though, he wasn’t quick enough.

“Spencer, what the shit?!” I whisper-yelled, the sound echoing through the sterile hallway.

My boyfriend didn’t have any answers, his hands raking through his hair as he clearly tried to calm his heart and rapid breath. “I’m sorry I— I didn’t know that she was here! What is she doing here?!”

“Oh my god. Shut up. I’m freaking out. What if she thinks I’m weird?” I rambled back, grabbing my chest once I realized that I was freaking out just was badly as the idiot in front of me. Because seriously, he couldn’t tell me his mom’s name so I wouldn’t be blindsided like this?

Then again, I guess I couldn’t talk.

“What did you say to her?” He whispered back, dragging his hands over his face. He seemed eerily calm while asking, considering just how much we could have gotten into during our conversation. Although, I guess it would have been weird to share the more intimate, embarrassing details with a stranger at a hospital.

“I don’t know! We just talked about you!”

“You talked about me?!”

“Well we didn’t know we were both talking about you!” I said was quietly as possible, which was not quiet at all. Waving my arms between us, I tried to explain the jumbled mess in my head. “She was talking about her son and I was talking about my boyfriend and— Actually, that reminds me.”

“What?”

His answer came in the form of a soft thwack on the back of his head. He jumped, raising his hands to his head in both shock and embarrassment at the public chastisement, despite there being no one around to witness it.

“Call your mother, asshole!”

“Ow?! Don’t hit me!” He whined, and I could tell from the tone that the only damage done was to his ego.

“Stop ignoring your mother! You shouldn’t even be out here!” I reminded him, laying my hands against his chest and beginning to push him back towards the door. “Get back in there!”

Spencer’s hands held onto mine, and for the first time in a while I noticed that they were shaking. The lighthearted panic I’d felt seconds before vanished, replaced with a painful sadness that seemed to bleed from him into my hands.

“I’m not trying to ignore her, I just…” His eyes were struggling to focus, and the crackle in his voice warned me that there was something he was trying to avoid saying. “I can explain… This.”

I didn’t need to hear it.

“Explain what?” I meant the question to be an expression of my feelings, but it seemed to freak him out more. Like I actually expected an answer for why his mother was in a program like this. Like the reason he had kept that from me mattered. I already knew the reason he didn’t tell me— It was pretty obvious.

“Spencer, I don’t care that she’s here. That doesn’t bother me.”

From the faraway look in his eyes, I knew he didn’t really believe me. I couldn’t blame him entirely. The shame was clear on his features. But I also knew that nothing I could say in that moment would make him believe me; it would probably take a long time. That was okay. We had time.

“I’m serious. She’s your mother and you love her, so of course I’m going to like her.” I tried to reassure him anyway, and I noticed the small twitch of his pout that slowly turned into a pitiful smile.

Trying to keep that upward trend, I motioned to my absolutely ridiculous outfit and bedhead before I laughed, “I’m mostly just mortified about the fact that I just met your mother looking like this and acting like a fucking moron.”

Thankfully, Spencer laughed back. His hands gripped mine tighter, and through the tears that stayed perched on his eyes without falling, he croaked, “I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t apologize. Just… go see your mom. I’ll go hang out in the cafeteria for a minute.” I jumped up on my toes, yanking my hands back only to them around his neck.

His arms caught me like they always did, holding me so tightly against him that I could feel his heartbeat against my chest. I kissed him just as hard, trying to remind him that there was nothing in the world that could ruin the happiness I felt when he held me.

I held his face as the kiss ended, squishing his cheeks together and warping his smile in the process. I was just grateful that it was still there.

“And take your time talking to her, because I am fucking starving.” I instructed. The crisp hospital air on my skin was cold as he left, but inside my chest, butterflies erupted that kept me warm. He gave me one final goofy wave before we went our separate ways again.

As I wandered through the hospital halls, I wondered if he knew how nervous I actually was. I couldn’t tell him yet; he would misinterpret it, regardless of his profiling skills. He would see the anxiety in my interactions with her as my fear over his future mental state instead of what it really was— fear that the other woman he loved wouldn’t approve of me.

There was no sense in worrying about it yet. Diana and I had shared a great time together as far as I could tell, and I would definitely make sure that Spencer spent more time talking to her in the future. So as depressing as the hospital cafeteria could be, it wasn’t so bad that day.

—————————————————

Being alone with Diana was so much different after I’d learned that she was Spencer’s mother. Then again, we weren’t really alone - Spencer was there, he’d just passed out and somehow ended up with his head against the pillow on my lap. I was a little surprised by how comfortable he was being so touchy feely in front of his mother, but I’d also recognized the exhaustion the second he walked into the hospital. He’d been out cold for at least 10 minutes, and I was barely able to stay awake, myself.

Diana seemed wide awake, though, watching the minute rise and fall of Spencer’s shoulder as he slept. At least, I thought that was what she was watching, but it could have also been my hand stroking his arm.

“My son seems very happy.”

I looked up, shaken by the sudden sound after nearly falling asleep to the rhythm of Spencer’s breath against my knee. “I think that has more to do with you being here.” I said through a yawn.

“I’m not so sure.” That was all she said, quiet and skeptical. Her eyes were scrutinizing everything she could see, and I thanked the stars that I didn’t have to go through this without him here, at least. At least we’d had one nice memory together first.

“Are you the reason he’s been so busy?”

I was dreading the question but had already planned my response. “I hope not. His job is so stressful, and he spends so much of his free time taking care of me.” I looked down at the mop of brown hair that hadn’t been brushed.

When I ran my hand through the ends of his curls, he shifted on my lap, his hand coming up to grab my thigh as he buried his face into the pillow. I chuckled at the clingy movements, which poorly contrasted my words.

“It makes me feel awful.”

I expected her to look disappointed or disturbed by the action, but she mostly just looked… sad.

“He’s good at taking care of people.” She explained, her head jerking away to stare at the lamp beside her. “I made him do it too often.”

Her answer hurt me in more ways than one. It hurt me because I felt the guilt and shame in her voice over something that she had no control over, which was obviously something that should never happen. But it also hurt because I heard myself in it, and I had to ask myself if, just like I had found traits of my father in Spencer, he’d found his mother in me.

Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t be ashamed of being like her - she was brilliant and obviously cared for him deeply. It was the source of the shame that frightened me.

Was he just with me to take care of me? How soon would he grow tired of that? What would happen when I got better? Would I ever? Did I even want to, if that meant he would leave?

They were terrible, awful thoughts to have. So, I did what I was best at, and shoved them back into the corner of my mind to revisit when I was desperate and alone.

“I think he would disagree. He obviously loves you very much.” Was what I said, instead.

“I could say the same for you.” There was a slight bitterness in her words that forced a frown out of me. The words were forceful, almost like a compulsion that she wanted to fight but was too tired to win. She seemed to regret that, too.

“I know my son... and I’ve never seen him like this before.” She pointed to him on my lap, still sound asleep despite the conversation happening above him. “I don’t think he’s ever slept that well with me. And…”

Part of me wanted to tell her that it wasn’t always like this. I wanted her to know that it had nothing to do with any failing of her own, but a failing on the part of the rest of the world for hurting him when neither of us had been there. But she probably felt the same guilt I did that we couldn’t fix those broken parts. Her eyes met mine, and in the reflection, I saw both of our apprehension.

“I’ve never felt like a girl was taking my son away from me before.”

The breath wasn’t knocked from me, but it did fall out of me in a slow, shaky exhale. I didn’t know what to say back, terrified by the implication behind the words just as much as the fact she felt them.

“He’ll always be yours first.” I promised her, refusing to look away from her eyes even as she refused to meet them. I needed her to know that I would never be a threat to them. That all I wanted or cared about was that he was happy and safe, and that I knew she felt the same.

“Then he should call me more.” Diana said, wry humor bleeding back into the conversation despite how heavy it had become.

“I’ll make sure he does.” I answered, my hands resuming their gentle soothing motions. I saw her hand mimicking the actions against her blanket and found myself wondering about things I’d never ask her. I knew virtually nothing about his childhood aside from the prodigy thing, but it was clear that his father was not in the picture, and that he was very close with his mother.

I couldn’t blame her for wanting to protect him. Just as I had thought it, she’d said it herself.

“When you’re kind like my son, the world will eat you alive if no one is protecting you.”

Maybe Spencer had gotten that mind reading trait from his mother, rather than his profiler training, I thought.

“Are you going to protect him?”

I wasn’t ready for that question. Honestly, I hadn’t even considered it. In all the time we’d been together, I’d selfishly worried about how any harm to him would affect me. In my defense, it had always seemed the more likely scenario.

I was so worried about being the source of his hurt or not being able to fix it that I never thought about how I could prevent it. It almost felt… inevitable. Everyone who loved me got hurt, and he’d already made up his mind on that topic.

“I’m going to try.” The hesitance in my voice gave away my anxieties, and Diana spoke quicker and bolder. 


“You said he takes care of you, but what do you do for him?”

The walls were closing in on me, and I couldn’t fucking breathe. My hand on Spencer’s arm grabbed his shirt before I noticed. I wanted him to be awake, to hold me and tell me that it would be okay. I wanted to be far away from that conversation— that question.

“I-I…” I mumbled, trying to flatten my hand as his mother saw it, trying to act like I wasn’t a fucking child clinging to her boyfriend to save her from a question she didn’t have a satisfying answer to.

It was too late, and Diana covered her mouth as she looked away. “I see.” She said before we both went silent.

The silence didn’t help either, though. If anything, it felt worse. Like my chest had been torn open and she could see all the contents, and the longer I gave her to draw her own conclusions about what she saw, the worst they would become.

That was stupid, right? I couldn’t tell. She liked me, right? Did it matter?

“He told me he wants to get married and have kids and I’m just...” I started to ramble, my hands now hovering above Spencer as I stared down at him, still sleeping soundly like the world wasn’t crushing me above him. In a panic, I looked up to Diana with what I can only assume was a terrified, frantic look. “I’m worried. I’m scared that he won’t be as happy as he could be if he stays with me instead of... someone else. And that question scares me because I still don’t know why he cares about me so much when I can’t give him half of what he gives me.”

My chest heaved from a combination of the lack of breath and skyrocketing pulse. Diana peered at me through her peripherals, a battle visible behind her gaze.

“Most people would be scared to admit that. Especially to his mother.” She thought out loud, and I knew she was weighing my open admission to determine how likely it was that I was lying.

“I figured lying would be worse. I know honesty is important to your family.” I confessed, hoping that my openness wouldn’t come back to bite me in the ass. “I don’t ever want to lie to either of you.”

I left off the ‘again.’

“You know what I think?” Diana said, tapping her chin and readjusting the blanket over her legs as she found a way to be more comfortable with the tension floating in the air.

I took it as a good sign. I hoped it was a good sign. I looked at her in anticipation.

“I think... you two will be happier than you think.” Diana’s lips curled ever so slightly as she held her own hand, rubbing the back of her hand the same way Spencer often rubbed mine. “Love is more than similar beliefs. It’s wanting to share your life with someone. Wanting to see them happy.”

Despite the content of her words, it didn’t feel like a lecture. It was… warm, and comforting. Her voice sounded familiar and loving and safe. She was the one who had taught Spencer to talk.

“I love my son more than anything else in the world. I won’t let anyone take him away unless I’m positive that he will be happy.” Diana finished; the warning grave but her voice quiet.

“I understand.” I replied just as softly, finally looking back down to Spencer. My heart felt like it would burst from the image. As much as I wanted him to see me and his mother having a heart to heart, it was best not to worry him with our battling affections, no matter how minimal the risk.

“Do you love him?”

The question hung in the air because I was still so caught up in his face that I almost forgot she couldn’t read my mind.

“Yes.” I felt the tears forming in my eyes as I breathlessly repeated, “Yes, I do. I love him.”

Diana must have heard the strain in my voice and seen the tiredness in my eyes, because the threatening tone faded. “Then take care of him.” She said, more like a plea than a demand. “Take care of him like I never could, because you know how much he deserves it.”

I nodded, excitedly and happily, my voice breaking and interrupted by a hard swallow to rid myself of the lump in my throat when I said, “I will.”

With perfect timing, Spencer’s body jerked under my hand as it found its way back to his shoulder. “What are you guys talking about?” He slurred before even opening his eyes, clearly bothered by the lost time wherein his mother and I could have spoken about any number of horrifying things.

“We were just saying it’s time for me to head out.” I lied, and Diana’s sly smirk was enough of an indication for me to feel alright about it. It was funny—I’d just told her I never wanted to lie to him, but this one seemed pretty harmless. She deserved alone time with her son, after all.

“Do you want me to drive you?” He finally sat up, rubbing his face to try and get rid of the creases that had formed from the pillow’s texture.

I laughed at the question because he was so obviously not in a position to drive. It wouldn’t be the first time I’d gotten an Uber after leaving his place, and I was sure it wouldn’t be the last. At least this time wasn’t a walk of shame.

“No, I’m fine. You stay here and spend time with your mom. Awake, this time.” I warned, poking him on the nose and earning a playful giggle from the grown man at my side. “She came a long way. She deserves it.”

He quickly got me back, grabbing my face and pulling me forward to plant a kiss on my forehead. And as much as I would have preferred one on the lips, I was grateful for his sudden modesty in front of his mother. It still felt strange.

“Okay. I love you. Drive safe please. And tell me when you get home.” He instructed as I nodded along, already having memorized the speech from every time I’d ever left him.

“Of course.” I murmured through a somewhat embarrassed pout before I got up and grabbed my things.

Before I made my way to the door, I stopped, turning to see Spencer take the seat beside his mother. She took his hand, but she looked at me. I thought about hugging her but knew that Spencer’s company was far superior to mine, and that every second I distracted her was one less she got with him. So, I settled for a wave and a smile.

“Goodnight Diana. Thanks for the talk.”

“Goodnight.” She returned, with a contented smile washing over her as her son rested his head on her shoulder. The final image of the two of them happy in each other’s company was enough to satisfy me until the next time I saw him. Because, like we’d just discussed, he was happy, and that was all that mattered.

As I opened the door to leave, she spoke again. “Thank you.” She said, and I knew she was talking about more than the conversation.

“Anytime.”

—————————————————

| Part 19 |

[adventures-in-poly]

My interior monologue yesterday led me to the conclusion that I actually do think that multiple life partners makes sense, and is something I probably want, but multiple romantic/sexual partners makes less sense to me and kind of makes me feel physically sad in my blood.

Let’s see if I can recreate this.

Yesterday I drove 40 minutes away to help a friend buy a car. This friend has had their car totaled 3 times (each time not their fault), and has also had to move twice this year (each time because the landlord decided they wanted to move into the house the friend was renting), so it’s been... a time. The friend posted on Facebook that they needed help getting to the auto dealer, and I had nothing to do that day and it’s been a few months since I’d seen them, so I volunteered.

The friend is also practicing solo poly, although I think not by choice. They also have a swath of friends and several partners who are available to help out. I don’t remember if my friend considers themselves an extravert or an introvert, but if they’re an introvert, they’re damn well good at pretending otherwise.

This led me to the thought, “Can introverts really be solo poly?” Of course, yes they can (and I think my question could even have been rephrased as “Can introverts really be single?”, which, duh.) But as an introvert myself I can’t foresee it really working for me. I don’t have the same army of homies that my friend has. I have a few very, very emotionally close friends who I can rely on for any emotional needs. But let’s see. Let’s play count the friends. Sorry if I've forgotten anyone.

One lives 40 minutes away, has no car or driver's license, is a full time PhD student and teacher, and is caring for her dying father.

One lives an hour and a half away and is caring for her dying father.

One lives 2 and a half hours north and just had a baby.

One is that friend who lives 40 minutes away, and now that they have a car they might be able to actually help.

My boyfriend and his wife live an hour away; he works 6 days a week and she doesn't have a driver's license.

One lives an hour away.

One just moved to Seattle.

Two just moved to LA.

Two live in New York.

One lives only 20 minutes away, but has a child who is unvaccinated and is not meeting up face-to-face with anyone until he gets the vaccine.

One lives 40 minutes away and doesn't have a car, and I haven't relied on him for "I need help" things before so I don't know how that would work.

One lives 10 minutes away but doesn't reliably answer her phone.

3 live within 20 minutes of my house and have few complications. One of them travels a lot, and the other two are dating each other, so usually if one's away, they're both away.

And then there's Silver, my husband's partner, who actually could be a perfect person to rely on for help and seems completely willing to lend a hand, just I personally don't want to rely on them too much at this stage in our friendship because I don't want to feel like I'm using them.

So yeah, plenty of friends, maybe like 5 who I could ask for help if I am ever in a bind, so not nobody. But we've all got shit going on in our lives, and we've all got mental illnesses and what have you. So if I needed a lot of help pretty frequently, wearing out those 5 people who have no particular commitment to me would probably happen pretty fast.

The thing in my white-people-American-society is it's pretty much everyone for themselves, partners excepted. We're much more used to relying on partners when we need help. If I ever needed it, I'd just ask my husband (M). No question. And of course he can say no, at which point I'd turn to a friend, but the assumption with a partner is that they'll help you unless they can't. That assumption isn't there with friends, at least not in my configuration.

So I was musing on that and thinking, "But why do I always assume that M will be free? Why do we make that assumption with partners?" And I think that's sort of part of the unwritten contract with life partners. But then it doesn't necessarily make sense that one person and one person alone in your life will be able and willing to help you out at a moment's notice. Wouldn't it be better if I had a small handful of people to have that unwritten contract with? If my friends and I all lived closer and we all agreed to help each other out, or travel with each other, or hang out when one of us is bored? It could be as simple as a group text where someone puts out something they need, and the assumption is that someone in the group will meet it (not that somebody might be able to meet it if the asker is lucky).

That actually sounds lovely.

The thing about that contract is that there's no need for anyone to be romantically/sexually attached. Technically there's no need in our one-partner system either. It makes perfect sense to me that someone could marry their platonic friend, or even have that kind of contract with a family member. The legal and financial systems that are in place to privilege marriages should be opened up to accommodate any humans that want to dedicate their lives to each other, no matter what that configuration looks like.

This idea is not new. An issue that I have, though, is that when I see this kind of thing idealized about, it's pretty much always painted as a "poly utopia".

Even in my socialist, leftist, poly-friendly, queer, weirdo circles - who are totally sold on the ideas I've written about and, if asked, would absolutely argue for the decoupling of partnership and romantic/sexual feelings - seem to equate the two anyway. Why does a commune have to be poly? Why can't it be a cluster of friends who support each other and is poly-friendly? Here's the thing - it can, and not a single person I speak to would ever suggest that a member would have to be poly or romantically/sexually involved in order to be included. But we still talk as if that's a given. And that's what makes me uncomfortable.

Because I want a lot of the things that the poly community puts forward as an alternative to our mainstream society.

I just don't want that part.

[blank-space-daisy13]

Why I won’t invite my biological father to my wedding.

I wanted to post this on Instagram or Facebook but I don’t want to deal with people saying I’m “drama.” But I wanted to write this out just in case someone is ballsy enough to ask me.

Let’s start off with the fact that after he got with my step mom, he wasn’t really around. He also never really cared or tried to take care of us (my brother and me) unless he absolutely had to.

Before my step mom and when we still lived in the apartment, On nights he had us my mom would drop us off already fed, he’d turn the tv on and go play on his computer until we had to go to bed. If he had us on a weekend, same thing. We’d wake up and he’d feed us breakfast, then tv with him in his room on the computer, lunch, tv, dinner, tv, and bed. When we moved from the apartment we stayed at his buddy’s house where he rented a room but guess what? He’d send us down to the basement all day to watch tv, and let us up for meals.

When my stepmom came into the picture, we started going to Canada. On every single one of his weekends. She was nice, at first. Sooner or later everyone shows their true colors. But she started slowly to get a hold of my dad. (My dad had no boundaries with us and she wanted to “help” my dad learn to discipline, but she’s a little extreme.) I once got punished for saying the word “butt” because we only say, “bum” and he yelled at me. Yelled. I was about 7 or 8. Then I heard my future step mother telling him how good he did. Also while we were there, I remember very few times we actually hung out with my dad. It was always being shoved into the playroom with my brother, future stepsister, and sometimes future stepbrother. (Step mom never had full custody of stepbrother.) We’d never leave the playroom other than for meals like the TV. But at least we weren’t rotting our brains, I guess.

After awhile he decided he wanted 50/50 custody. My stepmom at this point could be brutal emotionally. I remember getting yelled at for not knowing any of my immediate family member’s birthdays. I was about 8 or 9. Kind of shitty don’t you think? Going back to the wanting 50/50 custody, he didn’t actually want us. Looking back I understand this now. He just didn’t want to pay as much child support, and that’s probably the only reason my step mom agreed to this. They treated us (my brother and i) horribly. He moved close to my mom’s to prove he’d be willing to do the 50/50 custody, and at that point it was hell. If we did something wrong, immediately we’d get soap in the mouth. My brother later on was getting hot sauce. It would be for things such as, “not sharing with your step sister,” (which she would’ve lied about) or “talking back,” when as a kid I was asking a simple question about their rules. They had so many rules to the point you didn’t realize you were breaking a rule until they told you it was one. My *fondest* memory was when they’d send us kids to the basement for a few hours during the weekend and then got mad when we went through boxes and such to find toys to play with. Because when they first sent us down there, they sent us down there with nothing at all. Sure we probably shouldn’t have gone through boxes, where my brother and I found our toys that they never put with our step sister’s toys, but they sent us down there with nothing at all. They expected us to “imagine” things with no toys. I also got yelled at one weekend because they asked us to clean our bathrooms. (Step sister and I shared a Jack and Jill bathroom and my brother had his own bathroom as well.) We went and picked things up and went back to play. They both yelled at us and said, “If I had meant pick up I would’ve said pick up. I said CLEAN.” At this point I had never cleaned a bathroom in my life. They gave us the cleaning supplies and we went to work. I did what I thought was the best I could do and then my stepmom yells at me, “That wasn’t nearly long enough!!!! Haven’t you ever cleaned a bathroom before?!” Uh no ma’am, I was literally 10. But that was her favorite way to make us feel like shit. To yell, “Haven’t you done XY&Z before?” Or “You don’t know (blank)?! So disrespectful! You should know these things!” (That was said about the birthdays. Again I was a decently young kid.) But going forward, towards the end of them living there, they had a baby together, my other brother J.

Luckily for my brother and I, he eventually gave up going for the 50/50 custody. But with doing this, he left and we didn’t see him for a long time. 5-6 years approximately. I was 15 when he decided he wanted to see us again, and because of everything we had gone through before, we didn’t want to. I had a choice but my brother didn’t, and I was forced to go.

At this point he had married my stepmother, and was living in the same subdivision, and one road away, where had had a house with my mom when they were married. Kind of awkward but ok.

And I have to say, they were better. To a point. They wanted us to feel bad that we didn’t want to be there. At the time I had a really old phone, not a smart phone, that didn’t lock, but they expected my phone to be on the counter at 9pm every night. They read my texts and held them against me, but when I called them out on reading my texts, they told me I was crazy. I would text my friends that I didn’t want to be there, and that I was uncomfortable. They asked me, “Why don’t you want to be here? Why are you uncomfortable? We understand what we did in the past was wrong, but the past is the past and you have to forgive us!” (One wrong thing I was always taught was you always have to forgive. You don’t always have to forgive for things that hurt you.) Finally at the end of this period, they sat us down and tried to make us feel bad by saying, “If you don’t want to be here, we don’t want you here. We want you to want to be here.” At 15 I tried to explain why this was hard, but they didn’t care. It wasn’t their way so they weren’t ok with it.

Fast forward to my Senior Year of high school, I don’t remember how, but my father and I got in touch. My step mom wanted nothing to do with me because of a dumb YouTube video I made at 14 where I “talked shit” about her daughter and herself. Yes, I did, but who didn’t do something dumb at 14? I wasn’t allowed around their house because HER son had a “drug problem.” (Marijuana) Whatever, I didn’t care. Slowly we lost touch because I was the only one calling, and I got sick of it. I was done. But I was still young.

Fast forward to me being a sophomore in college. I was 20 or 21. My brother had an issue that got the police and CPS involved. My father decided to text me and ask me what was going on. I called him and told him that he had “no fucking reason to know what was going on” because he was never around. He gaslighted me into feeling bad because I cussed him out for 10 minutes. But we kept contact after that because I had thought about it and I wanted to get to know my little brother J more. We did lose contact again but then we gain it back later on.

Skip forward a couple years and I’m talking to my cousin, (another thing was he kept us from his side of the family and I had lost contact with most of them until I was an adult.) my cousin told me he was going to MY little BABY sister’s 1st birthday. My father had been talking to me for a few months at this point and NEVER mentioned I had a baby sister. He told me, “I thought your aunt posted about it. I saw it on Facebook and assumed you knew!” It doesn’t matter whether I saw it on Facebook or not. He should’ve told me. But whatever, I let that go too.

Here is where I get frustrated. I wouldn’t call for a couple weeks because I didn’t think about it. I’ve only seen him twice in the past 9 years. But he would blame me for us not talking, when he’d never call or try to talk to me. It drives me crazy when people think like that. It’s not just my responsibility and mine alone.

Skip forward to a few months ago when he brought up politics. I hated this because I’m mostly liberal/democrat and he’s 100% republican. He called liberals “libtards” and goes, “you’re not a libtard are you?” And when I tell him it’s offensive he says, “It’s just a joke!” But now we’re here and yet again it’s been 2 or 3 months since we’ve spoken because he’s blocked my number. It goes straight to voicemail and my texts aren’t going through as iMessages. I’ve decided after trying for over two months, he’s uninvited to the wedding. He’s never met my fiancé, ever. We were only inviting him to be civil. But if he can’t even speak to me, I feel it’s not my problem, and it’s one less drama issue to worry about at the wedding.

My family can believe what they want. There are so many things left out of this 15 year drama circle of my father just disappearing. And I don’t care anymore. I hope someone asks why he wasn’t invited because I know for a fact he’ll be at least telling the whole family that he wasn’t invited. And I don’t mind sending them this so they can know why.

[moonofthenight]

Skip a Beat

Part One

*

Credit for O’Knutzy goes to @lumosinlove

*

Thank you again, love @spookypotato

*

Same CW’s as before! Enjoy the little “date” ;)

Chapter Three Part Two

The not overthinking didn’t quite work out. He has been standing in front of his wardrobe for the last 10 minutes, thinking about what to wear. He thought about calling June, but that would be too embarrassing and his feet would fall off any minute so he just pulled out his favourite black mom-jeans, a white T-Shirt and threw it on. His hair looked good enough to go out, so he grabbed the gray jeans jacket and his white converse, as well as his keys, wallet and phone before he jogged down the stairs to get into his car.

Sid’s was a 15-minute drive away from his apartment and it looked like the typical Italian restaurant. It was warm inside and soft Italian songs could be heard over the chatter and laughter.

Leo and Logan were already waiting for Finn, sitting at their usual table in the back.  

“Harzy, over here!”

Finn turned at Logan’s voice when he stepped into the restaurant and he could see them waving him over.

“Harzy?”, he said when he was close enough to be heard and slid onto the bench next to Leo.

“We are professional hockey players, don’t expect us to not come up with 100 nicknames”, Leo said, bumping his shoulder playfully.

“You are what now?”

“Oh right, we didn’t tell you. Sometimes I forget there are people that don’t watch ice hockey. Yeah, we play for the Gryffindor Lions. I am a goalie and Logan’s a right wing.”

Finn looked very confused and Logan smiled.

“You have no idea what we are talking about do you?”

Finn shook his head.

“Come to a game with us. Then you will see”, Logan said with a genuine tone in his voice.

“Maybe.”

They ordered their food and drinks- or well, Logan and Leo ordered the food and drinks, both of them insisting to pick for him.

“How come you ended up in Gryff? Your accent sounds different.”

“You have time? It’s going to be a long story.”

Both boys looked at him expectingly. Finn didn’t know why he offered to tell them; he normally didn’t like to talk about it, but something about those two made him trust them.

“Well, I was born and raised in New York, lived there my whole life and it’s where I started dancing. I went to the All Star Studios as a child and eventually started studying Classical Ballet and Dance Performance as well as standard dances and I made my degree.”

“But- ugh, it’s still difficult to talk about it, but I was working too hard. I was at the top of my career and I pushed myself, didn’t listen to my body and as it was bound to happen, I injured myself. Badly. So badly that I needed to give up my career and well, I couldn’t stand to stay in New York, sooo I moved here. Sorry, that was probably not interesting for you.”

Finn’s eyes where everywhere but their faces, he felt a bit ashamed.

“Don’t be silly, we asked. I’m sorry about your injury”, Leo said with such a soft voice it made Finn want to cry.

He was about to respond, but was interrupted by the waiter.

“Alright boys, pizza tonno for all of you.”

Finn waited patiently for it to cool down, driving Leo and Logan mad. He eventually picked up a slice and instantly moaned when he took a bite, causing Logan to choke on his drink.

“Oh my god, this is delicious.”

When he opened his eyes again, both boys looked incredibly smug.

“Told you.”

They ate in silence for a while, enjoying the food. By the time Leo spoke again, the pizza was almost finished.

“You know Lo, we are actually getting better at dancing. I’m looking forward to the wedding.”

“Me too, it’s going to be amazing.”

Logan took Leo’s hand, starring at him lovingly. Finn felt his heart sinking. Wedding.

“Oh, I- congratulations”, Finn pressed out with a tight smile.

Leo’s head snapped towards him.

“What? Oh no, our friends are getting married! Two of the team, you’ll love them.”

And suddenly, Finn felt like he could breathe again. He shouldn’t care, but he did and it was not good.

“Okay who is up for some cocktails?”, Logan said, clapping his hands once.

“Let’s pick one for each other!”

“Oh no”, Finn shook his head rapidly.

“Yes, absolutely.”

Before Finn could protest, Logan waved the waitress over to them.

“I pick one for Finn, Finn you pick for Leo and Leo you can pick for me but make a good choice.”

It was almost adorable what a scene they made out of this. All of them pointed secretly at the drinks, smirking. The waitress gave them a small nod and moved behind the bar.

“Let’s play 20 questions while we wait”, Logan said, looking Finn in the eyes, waggling like a puppy, “We will ask you 10 and you can ask us 10, okay?”

How could Finn say no to that?

“Fine. But I’ll start. How long are you playing for the NHL?”

“I’m only one year in but Lo has been playing for two.”

“So, you two met through hockey?”

“Yes.” Leo grinned, pressing a kiss to Logan’s knuckles.

“Oh, I never asked. How old are you?”

“I’m 24 and Leo is 19, the little baby.”

“Wait. How can you be 19 but be like, twice of Logan’s height?”

If looks could kill, Finn would be dead now, but Leo laughed loudly, throwing his head back, tears making their way over his face.

“Finn, you are on thin ice right now”, he managed to say between his laughter.

It made Finn laugh too and he blew Logan a kiss, who only scoffed in response.

“It’s cute.”

Finn regretted saying it, the warmth creeping up his neck, but Logan just smiled at him.

“Ehm alright, I have three questions in one next. What is your go to work out song, why and what do you normally do while listening to it?”

“I normally just press shuffle on my playlist because I am horrible at making decisions” Leo grinned, answering fast.

Logan thought for a while before giving his answer.

“I would say Guns and Ships from Hamilton because it’s hella motivating. I warm up to it.”

Finn gasped, his eyes starting to shine.

“You like Broadway?”, he practically screamed, getting really excited.

Leo groaned next to him.

“No. Not you too!”

Both heads snapped towards him, looking rather offended by what the blonde had said.

“But it’s so good!” they said in unisono.

Then looked back at each other and high fived over the table.

“Alright, next questions. Do you have siblings and how many do you have?”

Leo was the first to answer again.

“I am an only child but not spoiled! Looking at you Lo.”

“Yeah, yeah, sure. Whatever helps you sleep at night. I have three sisters; I love them all.”

Finn nodded, “Okay a difficult one. If you could go anywhere in the world, where would it be?”

“Italy", both said at the same time.

“It’s a bit of a dream of ours.”

“Well, not so difficult as it seems. Last one! Favourite movie?”

“Tough. I’ll go with Aladdin”, Logan said.

“Aladdin?!”

“I grew up with three sisters, what did you expect?!”

Leo shook his head fondly.

“Mine is Pride and Prejudice.”

“Oohh, I love that one.”

Logan slammed his hand on the table.

“Our turn”, he said, grinning excitedly.

“What is your favourite colour?”

“Blue.”

“What did you want to be as a child”, Leo blurred out next.

“A dancer, actually. My grandma took me to the ballet every now and then.”

Leo looked at him, smiling.

“Dog or cat?”

“Dogs. Puppies.”

“You have one right in front of you.”

Leo and Finn laughed at that.

“Do you do anything else besides teaching to dance?”

“I’m studying English literature but just for funsies.”

“Left-handed or right-handed?”

“Right.”

“Do you have a sibling?”

“I do. Alex, he is my older brother. Jesus why are you going through those so fa-“

He was cut off by the waitress for the second time this night.

“Three cocktails for the three gentlemen.”

Finn eyed his one skeptically when it was placed in front of him.

“I’m scared”, he admitted.

“Just drink it!”, Logan grinned wickedly.

He held it up, sniffed it first before taking a sip, starting to cough immediately.

“Logan! For fucks sake. I am a dancer; I don’t drink alcohol! You need to warn me. Fuck, is this gasoline?”

“No, tequila”, Leo laughed.

Logan was unable to breathe, let alone talk. He was bend over, laughing so hard he was nearly wheezing, causing the other two to laugh even more.

-----

Finn went home happy that night, laying in his bed, thinking about Leo’s curls and eyes, and dimples - god those dimples.

But right as he was drifting off to sleep another name popped up in his mind – Logan’s name.

Oh no.

[stxrrywildflower]

kid

pairing - bau team x teen!reader

summary - you get kindnapped

warnings - cursing, injuries, angst

word count - ?

a throbbing pain in your head and the metallic taste of blood in your mouth was the first thing you could process when you regained consciousness. the warm feeling of blood was trickling down the back of neck. that meant one thing, you had to have been hit in the head.

your wrists were restrained behind the cold metal chair you were tied to. the rope burned your wrists and ankles. you knew they were going to scar, you had seen it on various bau team members.

everything felt incredibly foggy. you couldn’t quite remember where you were or what had happened. as if your kidnapper has read your mind, a man stepped into the room, his face just barely illuminated under the light.

“welcome y/n! i’m so glad you could make it,” the man grinned.

you rolled your eyes. “what the hell did you do to me,” you growled. the unsub chuckled, “you, little girl, are going to make me a lot of money.” with that, the man just smirked before spinning on his heel and leaving the room, your own thoughts now being the only thing to keep you company.

rossi hummed quietly to himself as he put his suv in park before stepping out of the car and onto the driveway. the warm summer heat of washington d.c. met the senior profiler. between the trees swaying in the slight breeze and the birds chirping, it was a pretty good day.

walking up to the front door, rossi pulled out his keys. however, after twisting it and finding it to be unlocked, he was more than confused.

“figlia, i’m home!” rossi called once he stepped in. there was no response, the house was actually deadly quiet. usually there was always some music playing or the sound of the tv or your computer. “y/n?” rossi called again.

when rossi took note of the faint mud footprints on the floor leading up the stairs, he drew his gun. the only sound was the slight creeping of stairs as rossi walked up them. just in case, he spoke out as normally. “i’m home for lunch. what are you in the mood for?” once again, there was no response.

the second rossi saw just a drop of blood on the floor, he pulled out his phone. with shaky hands, he pressed hotch’s number. “aaron we have a problem,” was all rossi said.

within just a few short minutes, the entire bau team as well as a few cop cars were pulling up to rossi’s house. “rossi what happened?” morgan spoke once he walked in.

“y/n’s in trouble,” rossi started, “i think kidnapping but all i can go off of is some footprints and the blood in her room.”

the team all went their separate ways, spencer and j.j. to check the locks and footprints while everyone else headed upstairs into your room. just like rossi had said, there was a spot of blood on the floor. sure the spot wasn’t huge but it was still large enough to not be from a cut or other injury.

searching your room went on for just a few moments. finally, when hotch was digging around through your desk, his face hardened as he stood up. the air in the room tensed as hotch held up a piece of paper. in small dark letters was ‘8pm’. “what does 8pm mean?” emily piped up.

“i’m guessing that’s when we will be getting a phone call,” hotch answered simply.

they found your phone a moment later, the screen now cracked most likely from the attack. when it was unlocked, it opened right up to the messages app. more specifically, to rossi’s contact. that was the final confirmation of your kidnapping.

as the rest of the police and other crime scene investigators did their thing, the rest of the bau team regrouped in the kitchen. “we’ll work from the bau. garcia is already combing through security footage but as we know, child abduction cases need to be handled with care. i expect all of you to have your full focus on finding y/n and bringing her home safely.”

to be honest, rossi wasn’t exactly listening to hotch’s orders. his thoughts were going a mile a minute. he hasn’t even realized hotch was done speaking until morgan nudged him with his arm. “rossi, we’re heading back.” the italian man nodded before following the rest of his team out of his house and back to the cars.

driving to quantico took painfully long. everyone was on edge, especially rossi. well, that was obvious. garcia greeted them all when they stepped out of the elevator, holding her laptop in one arm while the other was motioning for j.j. and spencer to follow her back to the lab. the rest of the team headed into the bullpen.

“dave, a word?” hotch spoke.

rossi nodded, quickly putting his bag in his office before heading back down the catwalk. “you’re off the case,” hotch simply said once rossi stepped in.

“my kid is missing and you want me off of the case?” rossi exclaimed.

“you’re too emotionally invested in this case. you know the rules, hell you made the rules,” hotch rephrased. damn, hotch got him there.

there was a few moments of tense silence before rossi finally spoke up again.

“gideon and i formed the bau so we could keep people safe. it’s been a lot of years but i like to think that we’ve done just that,” rossi started, “and when y/n was born, i vowed to keep her safe as both a father and a profiler. and i failed.”

hotch remained quiet as the senior profiler in front of him sat down in one of the chairs and rubbed his eyes. “i wasn’t there to protect her and now, now she’s in the hands of a criminal. we have absolutely no idea where she is or if she’s even alive,” rossi ranted.

“don’t say that,” hotch cut in. “dave you’ve been an incredible dad to y/n. one incident which you had no control over will not change that. the team is doing everything we can. besides, we still have the phone call tonight.”

“thanks aaron,” rossi smiled slightly. he had to admit, the pep talk did help.

“you screwed up big time man,” you groaned. you couldn’t have woken up more than a few hours ago but the torture in that time was intense. the rope burns on your wrists and ankles were much worse as well as other cuts the unsub has inflicted on you. your entire face was bruised and bloody, mostly from punches to your eyes and nose.

the mans harsh and callused hand gripped your cheek, pulling your head up to look at him. “and why is that?” he asked. you almost wanted to laugh at that question.

“you kidnapped the daughter of one of the founders of the bau!” you exclaimed as if it wasn’t obvious already, “i’m guessing stephen gideon wasn’t available?” that remark earned a hard slap across the face.

“i’m going to get rich off of you. you really think daddy dearest isn’t going to pay off your ransom?” the unsub questioned. “i know that my dad isn’t dumb enough to give into your demands,” you rolled your eyes. “oh we’ll see about that.”

the man returned to the room at what he informed you was almost eight o’clock. “what’s with the phone?” you questioned. “like i told you before. i’m going to be rich. and all it takes is one phone call.”

emily kept her hand in front of rossi when the phone started ringing on j.j.’s desk. this was standard procedure. they never picked up right away when negotiating with an unsub. hotch motioned for them to stay silent as he leaned forward and pressed the answer button.

“hello?” hotch spoke.

“i’m looking to speak to david rossi.”

all eyes went over to rossi who’s stone-faced expression would give hotch a run for his money. “this is he,” rossi replied.

“perfect. now i’m willing to propose a trade. 20 million for her return,” then unsub offered. the teams eyes widened at that. even you, who had a cloth around your motion, was extremely suprised. there was no way your dad would pay that. right?

“prove that she’s alive,” rossi fired back, not even mentioning the deal.

the unsub trudged over your where your were still tied to the chair. with rough hands, he ripped the cloth off so your mouth was open. “say hi to dad!” the unsub exclaimed ina sickeningly sweet voice.

“bafangu chooch,” you growled out in italian, “bastardo, figlio di puttana.”

rossi’s mouth fell slight as did spencer’s and emily’s who both knew limited italian. you had pretty much just used some extremely choice curse words to prove that you were actually alive.

the unsub rolled his eyes and walked to the other side of the room. “see? she’s alive. now the 20 million by 10 or else the girl gets it. and i think we both know what that means.”

just before the unsub hung up, you yelled one final time. “shut the fuck up bitch boy. your hair is worse than morgan’s!” your voice was slightly staticky as you were yelling to a cell phone multiple feet away. nonetheless, the team heard exactly what you said before all lines of communication were cut off.

“go to hell!” you spat, unable to contain the tears that started to.

“well i’ll see you there,” the unsub fired back. you furrowed you’re eyebrows, that didn’t even make sense. “whatever, i need to get some things set up. let’s just hope that money gets here fast.”

back at the bau, the team was in slight disbelief at the phone call. “what did she say?” morgan first asked. “basically she told him to go screw himself and then something along the lines of being an ugly son of a bitch. i’m paraphrasing but i’m sure you don’t want the exact details,” rossi answered, his tone slightly proud.

garcia was typing away at her computer, trying to trace the call. “it pinged off of multiple cell towers. i can’t pinpoint the location but i may be able to get the general area,” the tech genius informed everyone. while garcia did that, everyone else listened back to the call, desperate to process the information.

no one was quite sure how she did it but just around 9:30, garcia had managed to find the five mile radius where the call had originated. from there, she found the only bulding that would be suitable to hold someone. rossi had thanked her profusely before suiting up alongside the team to head out.

“you’re staying outside. we’ll let you know when the unsub is apprehended,” hotch ordered.

rossi huffed and leaned against the car as the team entered the warehouse. his hands were shaking at the sole thought of you being just through the door. just three minutes later, hotch’s voice echoed in his ear.

“we got y/n!”

when rossi heard those words through his communication system, he immediately rushed into the warehouse. the unsub was being dragged out by a very unhappy morgan and hotch. after shooting the man an extremely nasty glare, rossi stepped further in, stopping slightly when he saw you.

j.j. and emily were focused on untying the restraints on your wrists and ankles while spencer was surveying your injuries. you were unconscious, probably from the fact that there was more blood on the back of your head as well as a fairly deep cut down your thigh. your right arm was bent at an awkward angle, definitely broken.

“figlia,” rossi gasped, kneeling down in front of you. part of him was incredibly thankful that you were found and would be taken to the hospital to be treated. on the other hand, the injuries you suffered were pretty intense. there was definitely going to be some trauma from the whole thing.

the paramedics arrived soon after that. they had made rossi step back so you could be put on a stretcher, an ambulance taking you to the hospital soon after that. all rossi could do is wait there and hope you would be okay.

you woke up a day later, your vision blurred as your eyes adjusted to the extremely bright hospital room. there was a tube in your nose helping you breath as well as an iv in your arm administering some pain medication.

“dad,” you sobbed, wrapping your arms around your father with the limited mobility you could.

rossi held you tight, incredibly thankful that you were now awake. he just sat there, holding you as you continued to cry.

there was going to be a lot of both physical and emotional healing for you along with nightmares and pain. but you knew you had your dad and his team by your side ever step of the way.

and that made it a little better.

[btsqualityy]

Set It Off / Part Four

Jimin x Reader

Genre: Angst, mafia!AU

Warnings: None

“Go, Go, Go!”

“I’m going as fast as I can here Y/N-ah!” Jimin shot back, immediately hitting a hard left turn around a street corner as the two of you attempted to evade the police. After you all left the organization’s headquarters, the police quickly caught up to you and had been on your tail for the past 10 minutes.

“We gotta think,” you muttered anxiously to yourself. “They’re not gonna just keep chasing us for forever so they’re probably gonna set up a roadblock.”

“There’s no probably on that jagi,” Jimin murmured as he turned another corner and your eyes widened when you saw the police blockade blocking off the end of the street. The blockade was made up of a few police cars that had all parked together to form a half circle with the front of the cars, which was supposed to stop anyone from getting through. 

“Baby,” Jimin spoke softly and you looked over at him. “Put your head down and don’t sit up until I tell you to.” Sensing how serious he was, you just nodded your head before parting your legs and lowering your body so that your head was in between your knees. Having your head down like that made your nausea threaten to flare up but you took deep breathes in through your nose and out through your mouth, which helped tremendously.

Suddenly, the engine of the car revved up and before you knew it, the car was surging forward. You had to press your hands against the dashboard so that your head wouldn’t hit it, and you could feel the moment when Jimin crashed the car through the blockade. You squeezed your eyes shut, hoping like hell that the BMW would be able to withstand the damage. After about a minute, you weren’t able to hear the sound of police sirens, which had been ringing in your heard ever since you left the headquarters. 

“Alright baby, you can sit up,” Jimin told you and when you did so, you saw that he was speeding out onto the highway. Turning around to glance over your shoulder, you smiled in victory when you saw that there was not one police car behind the two of you. 

“You’re fucking insane, you know that?” You chuckled in disbelief, and Jimin just smiled knowingly. 

“They weren’t expecting us to even try and press the blockade because if they were, they wouldn’t put something a little more sturdy in the way, like spike strips or something” Jimin sighed. “Just when I start to actually feel guilty for living a life of crime, the stupidity of officers and how they literally let us get away makes me feel better about it.”

“I get it,” you laughed, abruptly stopping and slamming your hand over your mouth. 

“What’s wrong?” Jimin wondered but instead of answering him, you hurriedly rolled the window down and stuck your head and the top half of your body out of the window, vomiting onto the street below. Jimin grimaced at the sound of your retching and he wanted to stop to give you time to rest, but the two of you needed to get as far away from police presence as you could while you had a head start. 

“God, I’ve been holding that in all day,” you huffed as you pulled yourself back into the car and slumped down in your seat, making Jimin laugh at your words.

........................................

You’re woken up by the feeling of the car coming to a slow stop. When you open your eyes, you see that it’s now dark outside and when you look to your left, you see Jimin putting the car into park. 

“What’s wrong?” You yawned loudly, reaching out and stretching your arms and legs. “Where are we?”

“Inje,” he told you and you raised an eyebrow at him.

“We’re not too far from Naksan Beach then,” you said. “So why did you stop?”

“There was a police car about 20 kilometres back,” Jimin started. “It was by itself and it didn’t stop me or turn around or anything like that, but I’ve seen two other police cars since then.”

“Oh shit,” you groaned, knowing that the first police car had probably identified your vehicle. “Well, we gotta go then.”

“No, you have to go,” Jimin told you.

“What?”

“Y/N, you have to get out of the car,” he sighed, and you instantly shook your head. “We have to split up.”

“No,” you stated firmly. “I’m not leaving you.”

“Baby, we have to,” Jimin pleaded and you looked over at him, your hardened gaze instantly softening when you saw the emotion on his face. “They’re going to be looking for this car and it’ll be better if you’re not in it in case they catch up to me.”

“What about the safe house in Naksan?” You questioned.

“I’ll catch up to you, I promise,” he swore and you tore your gaze away from his, bouncing your leg anxiously as you thought about what he said. As much as you hate to admit it, he was right. The two of you had better chances of getting away if you split up.

“What about the money?” You asked.

“Take it with you and hold onto it,” he advised you. “We’re not far from Naksan, so you should be able to walk with no problems.”

“And what about you?” You whispered, tears welling up in your eyes as you looked over at him. “Jimin, I can’t leave you.”

“Baby,” he cooed lightly, reaching over and grabbing your face in his hands, smashing his lips onto yours. The two of you kissed for what felt like forever, savoring the taste and feeling of each other’s lips. When he finally pulled away from you, he gently rested his forehead against yours. “I’ll be fine.”

“You don’t know that,” you shot back.

“There’s no reason why I won’t-,” 

“Taehyung.” You muttered and that instantly shut Jimin up. “There’s no reason why Taehyung shouldn’t have been fine either, but look what happened.”

“I know but that was also his choice, as much as I hate it,” he grumbled. “I promise you, I’m not gonna leave you or our baby alone. Alright?”

“Alright,” you relented, leaning forward and giving him another kiss before pulling away from him. You then turned around and opened the car door, getting out and shutting it before moving to the backseat, opening the door and grabbing the duffel bag that had been sitting on the floor before shutting the door again. Jimin rolled down the passenger side window, and you leaned inside as you hooked the strap of the duffel bag onto your shoulder. “Call me whenever you think you’re clear.”

“I will jagi,” he promised. “Stay off the main roads if you can and go back in the opposite direction.”

“Ok,” you nodded. “I love you.”

“I love you more Y/N-ah,” he smiled. Taking a deep breath, you stepped back from the car, watching with bated breath as Jimin put the car into drive and sped off down the street. You then turned around, heading towards Naksan as you cried silently to yourself. 

........................................ 

Two hours later, you sighed in relief as the safe house finally came into view. You knew the way up there like the back of your hand, but you had to take some detours as you heard the occasional police siren.

You quickly climbed the steps to the safe house, which was really a beach house that sat right on the shore. Reaching down and moving a large vase that held a plant, you lifted it up and grabbed the key that was taped to the bottom of it. After putting the plant back in its place, you put the key inside of the door and unlocked it, pushing it open and stepping inside afterwards. 

The silent hope that you had been carrying in your head instantly deflated when you saw that the house was pitch black and cold, meaning that none of the others had made it there yet. You didn’t even want to think about what that might mean though, so you didn’t.

Sighing heavily, you toed off your shoes and left them at the front door. Walking towards the middle of the room, you set the duffel full of money on the couch before moving towards the large fireplace that was against the opposite wall. Bending down, you grabbed some old newspaper as tinder and a lighter, setting it on fire before throwing it onto of the two logs that were already sitting in the fireplace. Waiting, you made sure that it actually began to catch fire before you stood up again. Not really knowing what to do with yourself after that, you decided that the first thing to do was to hide the money. 

Picking the duffel bag up again, you walked out of the open plan living room and down one of the hallways, taking a left and walking into one of the spare bedrooms. Recognizing this room from when you and Namjoon had come to scout out a potential safe house, you knew that the floorboards in this room were removable. Getting down onto your knees near the dresser, you reached around for the flap that you knew was there and once you found it, you pulled on it and smiled when it lifted up for you. Setting the piece of floor board to the side, you took the duffel bag and placed it inside, making sure that it was zipped up and concealed before grabbing the floor board and setting it back into place. 

Deciding that there was nothing else that you could do at this point except for wait, you decided to go take a shower. Standing up straight, you reached over to the dresser and opened one of the drawers, smiling when you saw that the clothes that you had left there were still in their same place. Grabbing a t-shirt and some sweats, you shut the drawer before moving over to the en suite bathroom. 

You cut on the light and shut the door behind you, setting your change of clothes on the counter. You then moved over to a cabinet, grabbing a large towel and a smaller face towel before shutting it again and walking back over to the counter to set the towels next to your clothes. You then looked up at the mirror that hung over the counter, and your eyes widened at your reflection as it looked back at you. 

Your hair was a mess from being pulled away from your face all day, you had a few scrapes that you couldn’t even remember getting, and there were small smears of darkened blood on the apples of your cheeks, your chin, and your forehead. Seeing the blood on your face made you look down at your hands and tears instantly began to form once you saw that your hands were still covered in Taehyung’s blood from when you tried to save him.

“God dammit,” you sniffled angrily, reaching down and grabbing your shirt before yanking it up and over your head. You did the same with your bra, pants, and underwear before moving over to the shower, turning it on and not waiting for the water to warm up to get inside. The water was entirely too cold but that was ok, because you wanted something to numb you from the overwhelming emotions that you were feeling.

You wanted to blame it on the baby, hoping that it was just your fluctuating hormones that were making you this upset but deep down, you knew that wasn’t the case. You had lost a member of your family today and for the first time since your parents had passed, you felt that same dagger in your heart as you allowed yourself to sob openly into the small space of the shower.

........................................

After pulling yourself together and getting out of the shower, you ambled back out into the kitchen in search of food, knowing that you needed to at least eat something small. 

You walked over to the refrigerator, opening it and sighing happily when you saw that it was fully stocked. You figured that Namjoon probably had one of the junior members of the organization make sure that all the safe houses were fully stocked just in case things went bad, and you had never been more thankful for his sense of thinking ahead as your stomach rumbled powerfully.

Grabbing the bread, cheese, and the butter out of the fridge, you moved over to the counter and dumped them all down. Deciding to make a grilled cheese since you figured that your stomach wouldn’t really be able to handle anything super heavy, you set about putting the sandwich together. Just as you moved to grab a pan to cook it in, you heard rustling from outside by the front door. 

Abandoning your sandwich, you reached over and grabbed your gun that you had left on the counter. The sudden knock that sounded on the door almost made you jump out of your skin, but you recovered quickly and walked up to the door.

“Who is it?” You asked, loud enough to be heard but only barely. 

“It’s us.” Immediately recognizing the voice, you put the safety on your gun before slipping it into the pocket of the sweats that you had on before you opened the door, Yoongi and Jungkook standing there shivering. 

“Come in, come in,” you instructed them, moving back so that they’d have room to shuffle inside. “Are you guys ok?”

“A little exhausted, but we’re here,” Yoongi shrugged.

“We would’ve gotten here sooner but the car that we were in ran out of gas so we had to hurry and steal another one,” Jungkook said. 

“Damn. What about Namjoon, Jin, and Hobi?” You wondered. “Have you heard from them?”

“Yeah, but they’re not coming here,” Yoongi started. “They ran into some roadblocks so they decided to go to the safe house in Mount Kumgang.”

“The mountains?” You replied and Yoongi nodded.

“Also, Jin hyung went down,” Jungkook revealed and your eyes widened.

“Are you serious?!” You exclaimed and Jungkook nodded. 

“When they ran into the road blocks, they got surrounded so Jin hyung got out of the car to distract the police which gave Hobi hyung and Namjoon hyung time to get away,” Jungkook explained. 

“Damn it,” you sighed as you crossed your arms over your chest. “Have you guys heard from Jimin then?”

“Heard from him?” Jungkook wondered, his eyes wide with surprise at your question.

“He’s not here with you?” Yoongi questioned and you shook your head. A weary look was shared between the three of you then; for Jungkook and Yoongi, it was because of the realization that Jimin had gone off on his own; for you, it was the realization that they hadn’t heard from him, and that was when you felt your heart sink into the pit of your stomach. 

[jaeminscoffee]

Blush

Pairing- Huang Renjun x reader

Genre- Fluff, Suggestive.

Warnings- None! But this oneshot is kinda different from the other ones because this is basically a bunch of time stamps from morning to night put together. I tried making it as cute as possible so it does get cringe in some parts, don't say i didn't warn you ✌

Summary- As cocky as your boyfriend could get, he still somehow manages to turn crimson each time you compliment him. So you decide to compliment him for every single thing he does for a whole day.

(bless this picture)

[9:10AM] Renjun had woken up earlier than you as he had to go to practice at 10 so he decided to make breakfast for the pair of you. Each time you offered help, he'd refuse and when you insist, he'd wave the knife in his hand at you. "Oh c'mon it won't hurt for you to let me help youuuu" you whine out, clinging onto his free hand while the other flipped eggs. "No. You know i hate it when anyone helps me" He spoke in a stern voice, abandoning the eggs for merely 3 seconds to give you a quick kiss on your forehead. You look at him with heart eyes, "Damn my boyfriend's such a cool guy! I love you"

He lets out a tiny 'i love you' as you watch his ears and cheeks turn a light shade of pink. "aww look at you blushing, how cute-" you said once again. "Yah yah STOP" he replied, almost throwing the chopstick at you.

You laugh it off and walk towards the breakfast counter as you hear your boyfriend murmur things in his mother tongue, a habit he has each time he's flustered

[11:50AM] Practice had just ended, the boys all scattered on the floor, panting, trying to catch their breathe, but Renjun continued practicing the part he was not satisfied with.

Good thing you decided to join him or he'd have continued practicing until he'd have collapsed out of exhaustion.

You get up from the corner walking towards him with a bottle of water and a towel in your hand. "Honey, stop, you look like you're dying" you hold out the bottle, which he gladly accepted. After gulping down the entire bottle, he gestured you to move, which you ignored and stood still in your place. "Babe move, i need to get this step right" he lightly shoved you to the side.

You take a hold of his hands that was gripping your shoulder and brought it up to your lips, giving it a kiss in front of the other guys "i was watching you the entire time, you're perfect and it's about time you get some rest." "but this-" "no buts, you're one whole package of perfection so c'mon stop the practice"

The boys started hooting from behind, Chenle laughing extremely loud whereas Jisung was cringing. Renjun held his head down, smile creeping up his features as he let you lead him to the couch at the back of the room.

[14:15PM] After practice and a little bit of recording work that Renjun had, he decided that it'd be the best if the pair of you would just go have lunch outside, rather you go home and cook something.

"But why? I can cook for us you know?" you asked for the nth time, your hands interlocked as Renjun not so subtly gave you the 'shut the fuck up hoe' look to which you stick your tongue out. "you'll get tired by the time we reach home, you prepare the ingredients and then cook for us" his tone carrying concern.

"Oof, look at you being so considerate" you said, turning your body entirely towards him

"Yah stop, what's gotten into you today??" he asked, repeating your actions and turning towards you. "What do you meaaann" you asking, swinging his hand from one side to another. "Why have you been you know.. saying good things about me since morning?" His cheeks turned crimson asking that question.

You smile cheekily, turning around, your back facing him as you start skipping forward, Renjun hot on your trail.

"Just being appreciative. After all, I've got the world's best boyfriend right?" you chuckle, referring to the time he had shamelessly claimed himself the world's best boyfriend after seeing how you kept complimenting his friend, Mark, for being a loving one.

You hear him huff, not turning back, knowing full well that he has that cute smile and flushed look on his face, because you didn't want to melt right there on the footpath.

[18:26PM] "Majority of us chose horror, come on" Chenle said, as the other 5 nod their heads to his statement. "it's not like Y/n's completely scared of it right?" Jaemin asked.

You were cuddled up with Renjun under the blanket, going through the CD's as Renjun insisted you shouldn't be watching horror after what happened the last time you did.

"She couldn't sleep without having nightmares for a whole week because of you fools, I'm not letting that happen again" He spoke, looking at the dreamies with the 'go with what i say or you see what I'm going to do' and they had no other choice but to oblige. (yes this is 7dream)

After about 5 minutes, all of you agreed on watching a rom-com movie.

"you looked super cool when you were asking them to change the movie" you said, planting a kiss on his cheeks as the movie played loud in the background.

"Y/n just stop it already!" he whisper yelled, throwing tiny punches in the air, to which you cooed 'cute', laughing out a little louder than intended when you hear him whine, as Jeno and Mark, who were sitting beside you, started snickering to themselves at your exchange of words.

[20:07PM] The movie ended about 15 minutes ago, the boys left a mess behind when leaving. Renjun growled lowly, before getting up from his seat, going to get the broom and tissues from the utility, before starting to clean up.

When you got up from your seat to help him do so, he stopped you.

"Just sit, I've got this" "It's fine it's gonna be faster if we do it together"

It kept going back and forth until you had to give in, having him do all the cleaning.

"Such a-" you start,

"If it's another compliment, I'll throw this broom at you!"

[23:22PM] "I can't believe you kept doing that, do you know how much the boys teased me the entire day??" Your boyfriend asked, changing into his pj's while you were in the bathroom, brushing your teeth as you snicker at him whining.

"I told you i was being appreciative! Look at you being all cute-" you start, when you heard fast footsteps making it's way towards you.

"I think i should make you keep quiet myself huh?" he said as you wash your face and reach for the towel to wipe it dry. "you could try" you exclaim, starting to make your way back into the bedroom, only to be stopped.

"oh I'll do that" he said, jogging to your position, bending down and sweeping you off your feet, you yelp.

He started making his way towards the bed, placing you down on the soft sheets once he reached the wanted destination as you kept giggling at his antics.

"Compliment me in bed too now will you?"

-

if you survived reading this without cringe, you have my respect. Kdlwockeos I WROTE THIS DURING ALL 4 OF MY CLASSES, but I'm happy ish with how it turned out?? It's not entirely bad it's just oof. Yep yep

Anyways hope you liked it! 💗