#i think i'm pretty bad when it comes it shipping in general

[theislandoflosttoys]

Finally, my shaylahh!! TT^TT Shadow

So...I'm really excited to share this one specifically, and it's been hard, because Shadow's hcs in particular contain more information about the sort-of plot for this AU. As well as why it is called the Porcelain AU in the first place. So i'm so glad it's finally time to post this. ^^

I will say that there sort of is some need for warning for this one since it does have some heavy/sad/darker themes compared to the other, which...sorry? To be fair it might not be that bad, but I'd rather warn, just in case. I'll try to add the CW in bold in front of the specific parts that applies to the warning.

Anyway, as always....HCs/Trivia below the line~!

CW: Dark themes, death (canonical Shadow death ofc), kind of suicidal ideation? (sorry in advance?).

And remember this... "All things come with a price."

To start off! Our boy Shadow is a Taurus! On the cusp, so he was almost an Aries. April 20th ^^

He is the second shortest of the bunch at 5'5". Like Blue, it doesn't bother him, plus I mean...he can float? He can be at eye-level anytime.

Living with him is like living with a cat almost, *cough*black cat*cough*, he is mostly chill but he has bouts of sudden zoomies and mischievous behaviour. But for the most part his personality is a bit more relaxed than before.

He is very loyal, and though he is mischievous and sometimes taunts others, he is kind and well meaning. He does have some insecurity about himself and his ability to be good but is making good progress with the help of the others and is quickly gaining his confidence back, which is great to see.

Shadow doesn't really weigh too much at all, like Green, but it's more to do with his species/race than his abilities. Shadow doesn't really have all the internal organs, etc that hylians or humans have, because he is made of magic essentially. Sort of a magic construct in a way? He is a "Living shadow" afterall. Plus it makes sense for the others when they connect the things they've seen him do with his body before, i.e. like spinning his head/body round full circle, etc.

It's worth noting, because it will come up, I like to generally keep relationships sort of ambiguous or open to interpretation, mainly because I actually don't mind any of the ships between any or multiple of the gang, but I will say that Vidow is an established/endgame ship in this AU. I have a soft spot for the ship as it was one of my first ships when I was younger that I was in love with basically lol. Anyway.

Shadow tends to steal or run off with items belonging to the others, can sometimes devolve into a keep away game of chase he finds so fun lol. He can get pouty if there's no chase and they give up too easily, but will return the items, especially if the person is genuinely upset and wants it back. This has happened a few times, but he has been reassured that as long as he gives it back when they're serious that it's ok and to not feel guilty.

Stealing Vio's reading glasses to wear is one of his favourites though! No chase needed. Vio thinks it's adorable.

Shadow is very like ethereally beautiful, Link was pretty but Shadow is like unnaturally pretty. When I say them I mean like beyond human ability, kind of like the fae if that makes sense? I can elaborate on that if needed lol.

He is naturally curious but due to the trauma of dying, being separated from the boys, etc, he is kind of clingy. Doesn't really like to be alone for too long. Usually hangs around Vio and Blue the most though, but he doesn't avoid any of them, he just tends to go to Vio and Blue more often than the others.

Also worth noting in case it wasn't noticed, but I've decided to change the age they were on their adventure from 12 to 15. Mainly because I kind of wanted it so that they were at an age where falling in love would be more reasonable? If this makes sense. Like not really puppy dog eyes but more like I am in love and want to marry this person possibly in the future. It's mainly because I wanted it to be more believable that it was a factor in Vio wanting to bring him back. A strong motivation basically, and I didn't really think being in love was super realistic at like 12, sorry just my experience lol.

I think Shadow likely has major abandonment issues so that is something he struggles with, as well as some social and general anxiety. Depression too, to complete the trifecta lol. Am I projection? No you are lol. But has some self-worth issues, he's working through it though with the other's help! ^^

Shadow's feelings are pretty complicated when it comes to Vio mainly, at least definitely in the beginning of this AU. I mean, he made his first friends and fell in what he determined was love (though it wasn't confessed), then got betrayed by the only person he let in, then got killed by the gang via sword blasts.

He was at a low point when he crawled back through the mirror before Zelda confronted and comforted him. He thought 'fuck what everyone believes I am...I want to be good...someone worth staying for." (sad I know, sorry it's gonna get kind of worse ^^;).

CW - Suicide Ideation (sort of). When he met up with the others, he never really got the chance to speak with Vio so many things were left unsaid. And then his sacrifice....I feel like with his mental state at the time he might have been desperate to prove himself and maybe even a part of him thought it was inevitable? The gang was losing, they needed to shatter the mirror to actually end Vaati. So Shadow shattered the mirror himself, partly because he wanted those idiots to live, partly because he wanted to prove to them and himself that he was good, but also something he wouldn't admit easily is that he felt that they were going to shatter it themselves so he just beat them to the punch. He would rather it was himself who did it basically.

CW - Death. Shadow's last memory of this moment after shattering to moment was pain, then slowly fading away while the others surrounded him. In the moment he couldn't really hear them, which later is brought up sort of. Basically they were all saying some stuff, Vio may have confessed, but ofc Shadow's basically in overwhelming pain and his hearing is cut out so when he gets brought back and doesn't mention it at all, Vio sort of assumes that his feeling aren't returned for a bit.

His memories of being dead are kind of blank, at best he can describe it as being in an endless black void where time was uncertain. Somehow feeling like it took eternity and yet like no time at all.

CW - Dark themes. His resurrection was messy to put it simply. Everything has a price. Vio had been too confident. They were all there (the gang plus Zelda) when he had to be dragged from the newly constructed dark mirror. Death and the void are not simple things, and they don't like when others try to take away what is theirs. So it was basically tug of war almost, he was being dragged back to the mirror, and it took three of them to drag him from it enough to get him out. Zelda and Vio were preforming the binding spell that would keep him in the living realm, using Vio as the anchor. Unfortunately, while they were ultimately successful in the end and were able to shatter the mirror to stop it from reclaiming Shadow...he didn't come out of it unscathed. He lost one of his eyes (Left one in the picture above), as well as his feet/legs (left one slightly above the ankle, and right at mid-calf).

He has scars that resemble the shattered mirror, they glow in the dark lol. But most importantly you'll notice the starburst shaped scar in the middle of his torso/chest. It along with the shatter scars aren't textured like real skin or scar tissue, more like ceramic or something similar. Especially the one at his chest, that one is incredibly sensitive and also feels a bit fragile even though it is as tough at the rest of him. This was Zelda's doing, it is crystalized light force basically. He has a heart (which he didn't have before) constructed of light force.

Due to this, his powers aren't as powerful and he doesn't have the endless well of magic he used to. He can do all the things he could before, though he doesn't have endless energy so he needs to take breaks and consume magic energy & items to refill. It can be refilled with rest but eating magic makes it refill faster.

Example, floating/flying takes barely and energy but he cannot be doing it constantly without pause. They tested it, he was able to go without a break for almost 2 days. but this was without him using any other abilities, just floating/flying.

Another major example is his shapeshifting ability. He still can but the shape has to be of equal mass as him or smaller. When he used to shift to something bigger than him he would gather more darkness around him to pack onto himself kind of like playdough. But due to his new lightforce in him, he cannot take on additional darkness so he is stuck with the darkness he already has (himself).

The no feet thing doesn't bother him too much now, granted it did in the beginning when he was getting used to being alive and he was wary of the others. But he gets by fine usually by floating like he originally did. He does have some prosthetics that were made for him but he only really uses them when he doesn't have any other choice, he doesn't like how they feel and are a bit of a reminder of what he lost.

On that note. He doesn't like being picked up. Especially without permission, he finds it a bit insulting/demeaning. Sometimes when he's feeling especially clingy and doesn't have the energy to float and doesn't want to wear the prosthetics (Or has forgotten them. Which he does sometimes, somewhat purposefully because he struggles with his inability to walk on his on now. Don't worry Vio always has a set on him, man is prepared for everything), he'll let Vio or Blue carry him. Mainly those too, leaning more towards Vio when their relationship progresses. Definite sign of trust.

If this happens and no one is around that he trusts, he tends to just sit for a bit, snack on some magic, or if he needs to really like escape he can shapeshift into something small. This is a good option for him because it will allow him to refill him magic while not using much because his body is now smaller so his wellspring seems bigger because of it. I can explain this more in detail at a later date if anyone wishes. ^^

His left eye is gone entirely (which is why his eyes in the picture look different lol). He wears a false eye. His first was actually made by Vio! ^^ This was the moment he really started to reconcile and open up to Vio again after his betrayal. The others will make some and paint them themselves and he cherishes every one of them.

He's definitely helped Red sneak animals into the house before, he thinks it's hilarious.

Design wise, I gave him wider eyes with mad eyelash game, mainly to show that while he is a spicy little gremlin, he is surprisingly innocent since he doesn't really have a lot of experience in the outside world. I gave him a lip piercing because projection lmao, also because I think he'd really enjoy the ability to express himself however he wants too, freedom basically. ^^

His hair is more wavy-curly, hairstyle being somewhat similar to Red's (Red helped him cut it and they share hair tips), but while Red's ends a little past his shoulders, Shadow's hair goes a bit past his butt. He can change the look and style of course with his shapeshifting ofc but this is the look he likes most as of now. Still purple, but I went for the more grey toned purple I prefer to use for like all versions of shadow I draw, mainly so it won't be overwhelming and it makes his eyes stand out a bit more. I went for a pale skin tone with more of a brown toned grey undertone so he didn't look too much like a vampire lol. And freckles! love to add freckles to Shadow. Adds flavour.

I gave him more downturned ears, somewhat to display his uncertain nature and latent anxiety/guilt, but also to differentiate with the others. Also his shatter-scars are pretty pronounced and obvious to the general public, he can't easily hide it, takes up too much energy. You can see where it goes over his missing eye, which somewhat is where the path of destruction way. Basically the lightforce filled in the cracks like kintsugi. You'll see in future drawings and sketches, but Shadow's legs/feet weren't clean cut, think more of Wisp from Warframe, it looks more like hers do, and the stump/inside part it the same gold-white of the scars. Kind of reminds me of geodes now that I think of it, huh.

He tends to wear tops that are more loose fitting or are open chest, he likes to fluster the others, but it's actually because the scar at the centre of his chest/torso is sensitive and tends to sting and hurt more when rough fabric is rubbing against it. He doesn't like to touch it and doesn't let the others, bar Vio. (I'll explain why in Vio's post ^^).

Green💚

Blue💙

Red❤️

Vio💜

[ashored]

share your ship tier list for nami...if you have one! :-)

hi anon! i made this tier list up just for you. instead of making it 'my' ship tier list though i made it how i think nami would feel about some characters...

but pretty much (nearly) anyone at the 'friends' tier or higher i can see romance potentially blossoming!

[sskk-manifesto]

Ep 5!!!

[cautotelic]

Chapter 3: Ballrooms and Bad Moods

Ambessa Medarda x Reader

Synopsis: When you get taken away from your home land and thrown into the palace of the infamous warlord, will things be as bad as they first seemed?

A/N: hehehe enjoy my loves <33

It’s been two and a half weeks since my shadowing incident and I haven’t spoken or seen Ambessa since. If I'm being completely honest, I’ve been avoiding her. 

I don’t like the way I feel around her and the thoughts she makes me think

I’ve busied myself with training the warriors and spending time in the palace library. Today is different though, today we have a gala to attend and apparently I have to go.

A knock at my door brings me out of my thoughts. Opening it up I realize it’s Mana, the servant assigned to me. I smile at her warmly. “Good afternoon,” I say, letting her in as she carries this big bag.

I give her a quizzical look. “For the gala, ma’am,” she says as she lays the bag on my bed.

“I never got fitted for a dress or picked one out.”

She gives me a smile. “Don’t worry dear, the General hand picked this one herself,” she reassures as she opens the dress bag. “Now, let's get you ready.”

After two hours, I finally look at myself in the mirror and don’t hate my appearance. The dress is fitted, floor length, and a deep red color that compliments my complexion. The straps of the dress fit snugly on my shoulders and the neckline is low enough to look flattering. My hair is left down and my makeup is light, but still brings out my best features. “Thank you, Mana.”

“Oh course dear, you look absolutely beautiful,” she compliments.

Walking out of my room, Rictus is waiting outside leaning against the wall and he escorts me to the airship we will be taking to the gala in Piltover. When we arrive Ambessa is already there waiting. As we approach her I run my eyes over her form. She’s wearing a dress of her own, in gold, and her hair is braided into an updo. The realization hits me, I’m wearing her house colors and we’re matching. We come to a stop in front of her and she nods her head to Rictus and he leaves us, walking onto the airship. Her eyes find mine for a second before I look away.

“You clean up nice, General,” I comment. Our proximity makes me want to push her away and pull her in close all at once.

“Back to formalities I see.” The sharpness in her voice surprises me, what's got her in a bad mood?

The ride to Piltover was smooth and when we arrived the sun was just setting. As soon as we are docked, Ambessa is standing and ready to leave. Without sparing me a glance she begins talking. “Don’t get into any trouble, or there will be consequences,” she says before walking off the air ship.

I roll my eyes. Rictus appears again and offers his arm to me which I gladly take. “What's got her panties in a twist?”

He snickers under his breath as we exit the airship. “She’s just…” he looks down at me scanning my face for something. “Going through it.”

We walk off the docking platform and enter the huge glass atrium where the party is being held. It’s beautiful. Warm lighting fills the space and vines and plants climb the walls. Big bowls hange for the ceiling flowers overflowing out of them. Tables and couches line the surrounding walls, couples and friends drinking and laughing. Something flashing flies in front of my face and it makes me notice that at irregular intervals all over the room little fireflies fly around. 

Rictus removes his arm from mine. “Sorry, duty calls,” He says before leaving me.

I fidget with my hands and decide to go find where they have the drinks. I find the bar and order a drink, leaning against the counter and looking around.

“What’s a pretty thing like you doing here all alone?” A voice says from beside me. I look over and a girl with dark, almost blue hair is standing beside me.

“Excuse me?” I ask in shock.

She turns around and leans her back against the bar counter, her elbows resting on top. She looks at me through her eyelashes. “I said, what are you doing all alone, sweetheart?”

I feel my face go warm. “I like it that way,” I say as I take a sip of my drink.

She hums as she eyes me up and down. “Caitlyn Kiramman,” she introduces herself as she extends her hand out to me.

I shake her hand. “___,” I say curtly.

“If you don’t have anything to do, want to sit and chat for a while?” Caitlyn asks as she looks at me.

I nod. I grab my drink and start to walk towards one of the tables. Caitlyn’s hand comes to rest on my waist, guiding me through the people.

We sit down at a table in the corner, sitting right next to each other. I set my drink down and get comfortable, turning towards her. “So what brings you here?” I ask.

She turns towards me and puts her arm on the cushion behind me. “My family loves throwing these types of things and I have to make an appearance. You?”

I chuckle. “I was dragged here, but I’m not entirely complaining.” As I speak I feel her hand move up my leg to come and rest on my thigh. 

She looks at me with a smirk. “Well I would sure hope not. If that was the case I wouldn’t be doing my job very well.”

We talk and drink for a good chunk of the night. At times taking walks around the room to get a change of scenery. This Kiramman girl makes me laugh more than I have in a long time.

The party is starting to die down. We are off to the side of the dance floor, standing fairly close. I’m rambling about this book I read on hextech when Caitlyn reaches her hand out and tucks a piece of my hair behind my ear before cupping my cheek.

This makes me pause as I look in her eyes. She starts pulling me into her, her eyes closed. 

Someone clears their throat. I pull away and look. Ambessa. All of a sudden I feel like a deer in headlights tinged with guilt.

“General, it’s a pleasure to see you as always,” Caitlyn greets.

Ambessa only hums as she turns her gaze to me, looking me up and down before looking at Caitlyn. “I see you’ve found my ward, young Kiramman,” she states. “We will be departing now. Tell your parents that the evening was lovely.”

We say our goodbyes before Ambessa and I walk back towards the docks, her hand pressed firmly against my back. I spare a glance up at her as we walk and she is visibly pissed.

We get back on the airship and she says nothing to me as she goes to her office. The ride back to Noxus seemed way longer than on the way there. The whole way thinking about Ambessa and why she would be so upset. 

When we dock in Noxus I stand and wait for the door to open before stepping out onto the dock platform. When I get back to my room I change out of my dress and into my lounge clothes. I lay in bed for what feels like hours before giving up on trying to find sleep and heading to the library. 

I open the heavy doors and slip inside silently. Rows and rows of books surround me. I walk to my favorite isle and go down to the section of books I’ve been working on for the past few months. Looking over the selection I pick one and start walking to my reading spot at the center of the library.

I start to read the book as I walk until I get where I need to go. I finally look up from the book and I’m startled and take half a step back. Ambessa stands at one of the tables looking over papers and what looks like battle plans. She changed from her evening gown into something more comfortable, her hair down from its updo. A deep frown is etched on her face and I so desperately want to run my fingers over it-

No.

She hasn’t noticed me standing here so I turn to go back to my room instead. 

“Trouble sleeping?”

I pause my movements and debate turning around or to keep walking. 

Turning around I find that Ambessa hasn’t lifted her head from her work and doesn’t as I walk out into the open space.

“No, I just wanted to get a book,” I answered, my voice lowered defensively.

“Don’t lie to me, little one.” She takes her pencil and writes something in her notebook off to the side.

I scoff. “What? All of a sudden I can’t have a simple interest in wanting to read.” 

“I’m just stating it as I see it,” she states.

I roll my eyes. “I’d rather you mind your own business.”

She chuckles coldly. “And I’d rather have a legionnaire that does as she’s told.” In finishing her sentence, she finally looks up at me, her hands pressed against the table's surface.

I throw my hands up in disbelief. “I am and I’m trying. I do the training, I hardly get into any trouble here, and tonight I didn’t have any issues because I was talking to that Kiramman girl.”

The mention of the name has Ambessa’s jaw clenching and her hands fisting on the table. “Out of everybody at that party, of course you would talk to her,” she says under her breath, barely audible to me.

“We were just talking,” I clarified earnestly.

Ambessa raises an eyebrow at me and looks me up and down before standing up straight, folding her arms. “Are you that oblivious? She was practically undressing you with her eyes.”

“You're being ridiculous. Why do you care anyway?” I wonder, my mind only now processing that Ambessa herself was also watching me tonight.

She looks at me and huffs in frustration. Her eyes hold an emotion I can’t decipher. She shakes her head and goes back to working. “I don’t.”

I stand there trying to understand her, but end up walking over to where she stands at the table. As I go stand beside her, I look over her map. Ambessa glances down at me for a split second.

The map is of lands I’m familiar with, as I’ve fought on them myself. My fingers glide over the map as I look at where Ambessa has put her pawn piece to represent her soldiers.

I hang off the side of the mountain, swaying back and forth, my body tethered to the top. I look to my left and right at the dead troops beside me, our mission failed. Placing my hands one on top of another I pull myself back up from where we repelled. My muscles ache as I pull myself over the ledge. 

“You shouldn’t put your forces there. The mountain is too steep for them to be on guard, leaves them vulnerable…” I suggest pointing to a certain spot on the map.

I feel her gaze on me without having to look at her. She silently reaches over the table and grabs the pawn piece, handing it to me. I look at the piece before taking it from her hand, our fingers brushing against each other. 

My mind goes into that of the strategist I’d been raised to be. I start picking up and placing the pawns where they would give Noxus a better advantage. Taking high ground, using trees as coverage, and fortifying the mountain range. When I’m done I step back and look at the map.

Ambessa hums beside me. “Not bad,” she chides. 

I hum in response. “It’s whatever.” Looking at the map takes me back to sleepless nights in my father’s study looking at and studying maps until plans were to his liking.

“Come,” she demands more than asks as she moves away from the table and towards the couches.

Seeing as I didn’t really have a choice, I followed her. She stands by a smaller table beside the couch and pours out two glasses of a dark auburn liquid. She offers the glass to me and absentmindedly I hesitate to take it. 

Without a word Ambessa brings the glass she offered me to her lips and takes a sip of the drink before offering it back to me. I take it without complaint and sit on the couch. Ambessa follows suit and sits down next to me only leaving a foot or two or space between us.

I shift uncomfortably from her proximity. This does not go unnoticed by her as she chuckles. “Scared of me still, child?” Although she tries to come across as sarcastic, her voice holds a hint of hurt.

“I was never scared of you,” I admit as I take a sip of my drink, the liquid burning. 

This surprises her for a second before she goes back to teasing. “Let’s play a game, shall we?” She asks.

“What kind of game?” I groan.

“20 questions, however,” she says with a smirk. “If you don’t want to answer the question asked, you have to remove an article of clothing.”

My eyebrows furrow in annoyance. “Absolutely not, that is humiliating.”

She looks at me as she tilts her head, intrigued. “What? Don’t tell me you're ashamed of nudity.”

“You're not?” I shoot back.

“Nope,” She shrugs and her smugness ignites the stubbornness in me and I take the bait.

“Fine, let’s play.”

She smirks, leaning back into the couch. “You ask first.”

I roll my eyes as I take a swig of my drink. “Why did you want to go to war with my father?”

At the mention of my dad her hand tightens around her glass as she takes a sip. “He was being… difficult. But whether we went to war or not I would have still gotten what I wanted, it would have just been as spoils of war.”

This gives me pause. “What exactly did you want?”

She tsks. “That was two questions, my turn. I know you can’t sleep, so what are your nightmares about?”

I mull over her question before taking a sip of my drink, standing up. I hook my fingers into the waistband of my pants and pull them down, leaving me in my underwear. Ambessa’s eyes never leave my form. The shirt I’m wearing is long enough to reach about mid-thigh so I sit back down.

I look at Ambessa. “What did you want from my father?”

With no hesitation Ambessa rips her shirt over head. My eyes roam over her toned abs and biceps before I look away. I huff, annoyed that she didn’t answer my question.

We continued this back and forth for a while. Ambessa loses her pants and I lose my shirt, we both only sit in our underwear and bindings now.

It’s her turn and she hums as she brings her glass to her lips. “Would you have let that Kiramman girl into your bed?”

Nearly spitting out my drink I look at her shocked. “What kind of question is that?”

“A question, now answer it or take something off. But I doubt you will.” She looks at me waiting for an answer expectantly, challenging me.

Something clicks in my head and I look at her with a smug smile. “Maybe I would have, but I guess we’ll never know now will we?” She’s silent so I continue. “Okay my turn. Are you jealous that I would have let her fuck me?” I gamble.

I watch her tense as her jaw clenches. “Watch it,” she warns.

I take another sip of my drink, staring at her. “What? It’s a question, General. Answer it or take something off, hm.” I say, throwing her words back at her.

One second I’m sitting down the next I’m pinned to the sofa with Ambessa towering over me. I summon a knife and go to hold it to her neck but she catches my wrist in her hand and plucks it from my hand, sending it clattering to the floor. 

“You just love to be difficult, don’t you hm- stop fucking moving,” she tells me as she roughly presses me further into the couch.

Looking up at her I chuckle. “You are jealous.”

“Shut up.”

“Oh yeah? What are you going to do about it?”

I expect everything. A punch, a slap, yelling. What I don’t expect is for Ambessa Medarda to kiss me. I’m frozen for a second as she connects her lips with mine but slowly I give in, wrapping my arms around her neck. The kiss is rough and bruising.

I let out a small moan as she nips at my lip. “Do you know how infuriating you are? How wrapped around your finger you have me? How fucking frustrated I was when you wouldn’t speak to me?” She lets out between kisses. 

My body heats up at her words. “I hate you,” I mutter as she begins trailing kisses on my jawline. Her strong, composed demeanor is nowhere to be found as her desperation takes over.

She lets out a hearty chuckle. “I know you do.”

Her kisses continue to my neck where she nips and bites, her left hand cradling my head and turning it to get more access. I whimper at the sensation as her right hand kneads the flesh of my thigh.

My hand finds its way into her hair and I pull slightly, earning a groan from Ambessa. 

At my core I know I want this, so badly. But the rational side of my mind is telling me I can’t have this, that I’m not allowed to.

Ambessa must feel my body growing tense as I contemplate. She pulls me closer to her. “You're overthinking, little one,” she murmurs in my ear.

“I-“

“General I have some paperwork that you need to- Jesus.” I look over and see Rictus standing by the table with the map.

Ambessa moves so that her body is covering mine seeing as we both barely have clothes on. She groans in annoyance and curses under her breath. “Can this really not wait, Rictus?”

He clears his throat before speaking. “I just came to drop these off,” he lifts the papers in his hand. “Sorry if I interrupted,” he enunciates. What I don’t see is the glance he gives towards Ambessa with a smirk.

I look over Ambessa’s shoulder. “Hi, Rictus,” I wave with a smile.

He raises his hand towards me. “Hi, little lady.” Ambessa gives him a sharp look and he puts his hands up. 

“I should go…” I look away not being able to look at her. I make a move to get up but she isn’t having any of it. I sigh before shadowing. 

I appear on the other side of the library, my clothes back on. I wobble slightly on my feet and Ambessa makes a move to come towards me, I take a step back. Our eyes connect and the look in hers makes me feel guilty.

I shadowed my room and locked the door before collapsing on the floor.

Why is my mind complicating everything? Why do I not know how to react to her?

[humblefryingpan]

The "Amy likes spiders" poem in doki doki literature club (Natsuki's second poem) just makes me think of being closeted with internalized homophobia and I think it works really well for her

There's the poem if you haven't seen it!

(This is just me analyzing the poem and it's probably my longest post yet. I've been overanalyzing all the poems but this is the only one I've typed out atm lol)

It specifically makes me think of four things - Yuri liking different things and her disliking her for it, Natsuki being so far in the closet that she'll take any excuse to avoid the pretty girl™, Natsuki's self projection onto "Amy" and most importantly internalized homophobia, like I said earlier

It generally makes me think natsuri but I'll get to that later. So if we go from the internalized homophobia + closeted perspective (more like raised homophobic and doesn't know she's gay but ykwim), it reads as "a girl I know is a lesbian and Im meant to hate her for it. She's pretty and she makes me feel things but I can't be friends with her because she's a lesbian"

'The narrator' (Natsuki) heard a rumor that a girl, "Amy" (the lesbian), apparently likes 'spiders' (girls) and is repulsed. And that's why she isn't friends with her.

"Amy" sings the narrator's favorite love song, her voice is cute and it's making her heart pound. But she still likes 'spiders', so she can't be her friend.

She hurts her leg and "Amy" helped her get to the nurse. She tried to avoid touching her because her hands might be gross due to touching 'spiders', so she still can't be her friend.

"Amy" is very popular, but "she probably talks about spiders" (being gay). "What if her friends start to like spiders too?" (This entire verse rlly speaks for itself)

The next verse is shortest and even more repetitive than the rest of the poem (to emphasize her point) "it doesn't matter if she has other hobbies, it doesn't matter is she keeps it private, it doesn't matter if it doesn't hurt anyone" because to the narrator - she can't be "Amy's" friend, no matter how bad she wants to, because she's always going to be a 'spider lover' (lesbian) and she won't be able to ignore that.

And then the final nail to seal shut the door to the closet - "it's gross, she's gross, the world is better off without spider lovers. And I'm gonna tell everyone" because she needs everyone to know she hates 'spider lovers' to make sure no one knows she is also one. It's so gross because she was taught it was and now she can't stop thinking it's gross, no matter how nice/pretty/kind "Amy" is.

Onto the natsuri part so if you don't like that ship feel free to skip the rest of this (if you're still here lol)

Yuri and Natsuki like such different things (creepy and complex vs cute and simple) and they reach the point where they've argued so much that Natsuki doesn't want to admit she doesn't dislike Yuri. Even if she likes her poems, she'd never tell her because she feels like she can't at this point.

Natsuki couldn't see past their differences for a while, when she finally does, she's too embarrassed to apologize and too uncomfortable to befriend her without apologizing.

Nearly every verse of the poem will talk about how great the girl is. How she has a cute voice, she helped her, she has lots of friends, she makes her heart pound. But every verse she will still come back to "but she likes spiders. That's why I'm not friends with her". It feels like her gradually warming up to Yuri but still reminding herself that she can't be her friend, they're too different, Yuri likes creepy things (Yuri probably does like spiders so that's a bit more literal but it's also that spiders seem to symbolise everything she likes that Natsuki doesn't) and she couldn't be friends with someone so different.

And lastly, Natsuki's self projection (this is what the meaning is said to be in-game), meaning "Amy" is Natsuki herself. Natsuki likes manga and her friends won't believe it counts as literature. Her manga is the spider in this interpretation, she doesn't want people to judge her based on what she likes. She's had to be so defensive about what she likes, she may even judge herself for liking it at this point. She doesn't want people to judge people by their interests.

I keep seeing people say that Amy is a real person but that's one of the only interpretations that makes no sense to me. Because Natsuki may be a bit judgemental but even she wouldn't make an entire poem about disliking her classmate's love of spiders. She said herself that anyone that agrees with the narrator in the poem is a bad person. It's far more likely that "Amy" is a made up idea, she's barely even shown as a person. She's seemingly meant to be symbolic of Natsuki's flaws and insecurities, whatever you perceive those insecurities to be.

Portraying Amy as an actual person kinda cheapens the poem, at least in my opinion, because she was talking about how people should be given a chance no matter what (or who) they like and if Amy was a person it wouldn't make sense

[eddiegettingshot]

now im curious, as someone who ships them what are things you think they'd need to overcome?

so i don't have anything that i think for sure they'll have to deal with because i simply do not know what is happening. but i can think of some potential stories + facets of Them that could be the underlying cause of strife in their dynamic. this is so long sorry in advance

classic workplace relationship stuff. like ok they practically have to do secret relationship hijinks which is Funny. however maybe they're keeping it a secret to avoid one of them having to transfer (as much as i love fujo bobby). alternatively maybe fujo bobby lets them stay together but after they get together their easy acceptance of the risks they take doesn't feel so easy anymore. i actually think it would be CRAZYYYY good if they turned the classic assumption on its head and it's BUCK who's anxious about things happening to eddie (given their history and the way buck has responded in the past this makes sense 2 me but whatever the specifics don't matter). omg maybe one of them passes on some kind of promotion or opportunity without talking about it because whatever bathena is made of buddie is the same idk. maybe their relationship just gets in the way of them doing their job somehow in ways i cannot currently envision.

obviouslyyyyy chris is something they'll have to think about. and parenting in general. theoretically chris could respond badly to them dating but that would be lame. i'm way more interested in seeing them try to navigate defining buck's role in chris's life and having inevitable problems rise out of that despite all three of them feeling positively about the change. buck has been a father figure for most of chris's life but he does not actually parent him. chris's abandonment issues are tied pretty specifically to shannon leaving him and his dad ... how do buck and eddie get through buck and CHRIS having actual issues for the first time possibly ever??? is buck even confident about taking on the actual parent role? is eddie actually ready for his family dynamic (which has been him and chris against the world for like, a decade) to change in a formal way? it's easy when they're best friends but that's because eddie doesn't see them as a real family unit, which comes with certain obligations and expectations. he's not thinking about those right now but he tends to struggle a lot and over-correct when he does have to take them into account and i don't think buck would know what to do with that, especially given his. ummm. insecurities.

kind of in the same vein but like they will have to think about the future. at some point. i get the sense that neither of them have thought about what they want (ACTUALLY want) their lives to look like in a concrete way beyond just "i am happy and loved and not dead and chris is happy" for a myriad of reasons. kind of in the same vein as above—do they want more kids? me personally i am enamored by the idea that. well eddie loves being a father. buck loves children but he has never thought of himself as a father or gotten close to being one. i would LOVEEEE to see him grapple with anxiety over this now that he's with someone he might actually have kids with. marriage? eddie has a lot of hangups around his being a bad husband. this is actually the thing he was worried about when shannon told him she was pregnant—he didn't know if he could be a good husband. is that something he's dealt with? buck knows eddie's baggage around this is complicated and he's also very aware of his own impulsive history. this show is basically fanfiction so i can see them wondering in turn if their relationship is going at the Correct Pace and hitting the Correct Milestones but not like. talking about it. careers? with the caveat that this is tv so they play fast and loose with policy. if they want to keep working together they may need to forego promotion. alternatively what if one of them gets a job offer elsewhere (that they obviously won't take because neither of them will ever leave LA) ... are they willing to make that move? etc. etc.

their families may have opinions. about their relationship. which hasn't been an issue thus far for either of them but well they are soulmates so the evil buckleys and evil diazes have the potential to cause problems in some way. (pretty much all the other couples have had in-law issues or non-issues at some point soooooo).

in general, both buck and eddie let their own wants take the backseat and are not particularly forthcoming communicators (although they're better about it with each other than they are in their actual relationships and i imagine they will continue to be way better about it). buck tends to be a passive people-pleasing partner, and eddie is far more decisive and willing to steer a relationship—it's just that he doesn't tend to operate off of his actual desires, just his fabricated internal compass. i think it would be interesting if they bumped up against each other in this way somehow because being together has caused a blind spot to develop where they used to be able to read and evaluate each other with a lot of clarity BUT because it's Them and they know each other they can actually work through it... whatever it is... and GROW. i just think that given that these tendencies are pretty much what led to the failure of all their other relationships it would be good to address them and show. that they are not only soulmates but working to build something that lasts.

[sourmiguel]

Hi there!

Biggest sterek fan here, could you recommend any Alive Hale family fics where they love Stiles and want Sterek to happen.

Bonus point if Peter plays the matchmaker and tell Derek to stop being uptight

Pretty please 🙏.

Also thank you for the amazing work you’re doing with your blog, much appreciated 🫶🏻

Hey! I have so many Alive Hale Fam fics bookmarked it's crazy! I love them so much. I'm not coming up with any Peter ships Sterek specifically, but here is a wide variety of some fun Alive/Meddling Hale Fam fics:

Blind Date With a Book by thepsychicclam (wc30361, mature)

Summary: Stiles thought the Blind Date With a Book trend was a great way to drum up business for his small bookshop. He definitely thought it was a great idea after the hot guy kept returning and buying more blind dates with books. Derek didn’t know how he kept getting set up on blind dates by his family, or why he kept going on them. The highlight of his night was when the date was over and he could go to the little bookshop in town and buy something to read for the rest of the night. He wanted to read, not date.

I’m totally obsessed with this fic. So cute. I love Derek and his aversion to his blind dates. I love Stiles and how cute and eager he is. I love their game nights. I just love this.

Follow the Jelly Beans by @afailureandamasterpiece (wc5793, teen)

Summary: Derek waves hello to everyone else who is gathered around a bare tree and hops up the stairs to his childhood bedroom to put on his soft flannel bottoms. Gracie had picked them out especially for him last Christmas and he made sure to pack them for the traditional pajama decorating party. Only his pants aren’t in the bag. In fact, none of his belongings are in the bag. It’s not his bag at all. “Oh no,” he mutters, sifting through the contents. “Who the fuck packed this?”

I love: meet cutes, Hale family love, single father!Stiles, fluff. This has all of that.

Just a Hobby by kaistrex (wc3009, teen)

Summary: Five times Deputy Derek shelters his partner from the world of the supernatural and the one time he discovers he’s just been making a fool of himself.

Silly Derek, trying to shelter Stiles from the big bad world of the supernatural.

When You’re Close I Feel The Sparks by Leslie_Knope (wc39671, mature)

Summary: The guy is hot as hell, sure—leather jacket and glasses, Jesus, be still Stiles’ poor, bisexual, beating heart—but more importantly, it must really suck being new on the first day of senior year. “We’re adopting him,” he decides, tugging Scott and Kira by the elbow in that direction. “Let’s go.”

This is the best kind of HSAU - still in the ‘verse, just everyone lives. I love the progression of their relationship and the twists and turns of this fic!

Hale’s Modern Encyclopedia of Playing Cards (and Dating Humans) by thepsychicclam (wc49698, mature)

Summary: Wolves don’t date humans. And Derek’s okay with that. He’s got his Pack, his friends in the Pack network, and lacrosse. Plus, he plays cards with his grandma all the time. Stiles Stilinski definitely doesn’t factor into his life - no matter how much of a crush Derek has on him. But when bird creatures attack Derek, Stiles, and their friends in the Preserve, Stiles finds out about werewolves and things get pretty complicated. For Derek at least. And he thought school was his only problem, but now he’s grounded and Stiles is hanging around way too much for Derek to ignore him any longer.

I adore Derek and Stiles’s relationship and the growth it goes through in this fic. I think Derek with an uncontrollable crush that makes him wolf out in Stiles’s presence is so cute. I also love the Hale fam and the way Stiles (and Scott and the Sheriff) just get folded in after the crazy. So good.

Children’s Tales by @artemis69 (wc4690, general)

Summary: Be careful, little girl. Don’t go causing troubles in Beacon Hills, little girl, because the Hales live there. Keep away from Beacon Hills, little girl, or the Hales will destroy you. – Or: In a world where the Hales are alive and the protectors of the town of Beacon Hills, the humans politely fake ignorance of their not-really-human status, and they all live happily ever after. Then Kate comes in. Well. Tries to.

There are so many things about this fic that I love - the Sterek friendship, the Hales protecting the town, and the town protecting the Hales right back. So great.

Followers, let us know if you have any Peter ships Sterek / Alive Hale Fam fics for us!

[perseephoneee]

decorating the tree [ficmas day 5] [jj maybank x afab!reader]

↳ masterlist ↳ ship exchange ↳ taglist ↳ ficmas 2024

author's note: college!au jj where the pogues are happy and treasure didn't ruin everything haha! i'm not crying you are.

playlist:

slide -- goo goo dolls

christmas tree farm -- taylor swift

groovy xmas -- the linda lindas

Christmas was always a bad time not having a job.

Your Mom got let go from her job the day after Halloween; corporate bureaucrats pretending it wasn't ageism and sexism fueling that decision. You remember the anger and fury at the lack of justice. You got a job the day after. It was the only way to afford tuition until your Mom got back on her feet.

Getting a job as a waitress was fortunate. What was unfortunate was that it was at the diner where JJ Maybank worked.

It's not that you didn't like JJ; he could just be an acquired taste. Also, he made your job a living Hell.

You had to wonder if anyone had tested him for ADHD when it was so obvious he had it. Sure, he was probably the best cook in the place, but he constantly tested your patience with pretty much everything known to man. Running behind on orders, changing them to taste 'better,' flirting with customers instead of working, etc. You were wondering how you hadn't stabbed him yet.

"JJ, I swear to god, if you don't give me that order—"

"Gotchu princess," JJ scurried out to the counter, sliding a steaming plate of eggs benedict across the counter. You glared at him. "What?"

"Don't call me princess," you scowled, taking the plate. He just smiled. 

"Got it, princess."

You wanted to scream as you marched away, heading to deliver your order. You apologized for the delay as you prepared yourself for more customers. You wanted to crawl under a table when you saw the rest of JJ's posse come into the place. JJ immediately ran out from the kitchen to greet them and set them up at the best booth in the house. You didn't care enough to argue. 

Ten minutes later, and probably five orders behind, he returned to his workspace. He had antlers on his head. 

"Do I want to ask?" You drawled, looking up from your notepad. 

"Kie got everyone Christmas hats. I'm a reindeer."

"Oh really? I thought you were Santa Claus," you replied, ripping the paper and slapping it on the counter. "Eggs florentine with a side of bacon for table four."

"Did I offend you or something?" JJ asked, leaning against the counter. You raised a brow. 

"You're always kinda mean."

"I don't hate you," you smiled, but you didn't think the smile reached your eyes. You walked away before he could respond. 

You finished your shift at 9pm, your muscles aching from the winter rush. You sat on the curb outside while you waited for your ride. It was cold, but you welcomed the frigid air over the stifling diner. Footsteps sounded behind you, and you turned to see JJ. He spun his keys around his fingers. 

"Wanna ride?"

You were in his car a moment later, although the car was generous. It was a giant ball of junk that happened to roll around. Your roommate was too tied up to grab you, and you really needed to get home to work on homework anyway. JJ seemed like the best option. Although, he still wore his stupid antlers.

"Did you grow up around here?" JJ asked, one hand on the wheel. You bounced your leg.

"Kinda. Two hours away," you murmured. "Did you?"

"Nah, I'm from the Outer Banks," he grinned with that toothy smile you resented loving. 

"So, why move out here?" You shifted in your seat to look at him better.

"Kie and Pope were going here, and John B and I managed to swing a scholarship," JJ said nonchalantly, even though you knew how big of a deal it could be. "Plus, I wanted to get away from my Dad."

He said the last part was more of a cough. You glanced at him, noticing the tension in his jaw. You don't say anything about it. JJ shakes it off, looking your way.

"We're having a little Christmas shindig if you want to come over. It's this Saturday."

"I don't know," you squirmed, sinking into your seat.

"C'mon, princess. It'll be fun," JJ begged, sounding like a puppy dog. Your mouth was set in a firm line. "Please?"

"I'll think about it," you replied. You wouldn't go, though. You never cared much for Christmas. Your response seemed to placate JJ, though, and it came just in time for the car to pull up to your apartment. You pushed open the passenger door, hopping out. "Thanks for the ride," you said.

“No problem, babygirl.” 

You glared at him. 

"I was trying something out."

"Just stick to my name," you sighed, but JJ still called you 'princess' when he wished you goodnight. 

The problem with JJ was he was incapable of letting things go. He spent the rest of the week harassing you about the party. You kept brushing it off, giving him 'maybes' instead of affirmatives. By Friday, you had fully intended to come up with an emergency that got you out of it. You were brainstorming excuses when his friends came in. For once, JJ was focused and busy with food preparation, so you proceeded to seat them at their usual table. 

You didn't have a problem with JJ's friends, even if they were loud and sometimes gave you a migraine. They always tipped and were polite, and that's pretty much all you can hope for as a waiter. They greeted you warmly as you returned to take their order.

Despite having eaten here many times, Pope was still deciding what he wanted to have. 

"Hey, are you coming to our Christmas kick-off?" Kiara asked, smiling at you. You blinked.

"Uh, I don't know…"

"If you're worried about it being not a big crowd, it won't be. Just us," Kiara quickly added, thinking your aversion was to large gatherings. Although you hated large gatherings, that wasn't why you were avoidant.

"I think JJ invited me to be nice, and it sounds like it's more of a…"

"We could use another Pogue, plus JJ really wants you there," Kiara smiled before glaring at Pope. "Can you hurry up and order already?"

"I'm evaluating my options," Pope mumbled. He looked up at you. "What are the specials again?"

"What they always are," Kiara groaned. She ignored him to focus on you. She also had puppy dog eyes, and you were wondering if it was a requirement of the group to be massive guilt trippers. "It'd mean a lot to him," she said softly, and you didn't have the heart to turn her down.

"I'm ready now," Pope nodded before placing an order for his usual. You left before Kiara could strangle him. 

You had to close that night, which meant cleaning up after the sign had been flipped. You didn't realize JJ had also stayed to clean the kitchen until he joined you in wiping the tables. You worked in silence. 

"My Dad left around Christmas time," you murmured, continuing to clean. "It's always kind of a bitter time of year." JJ stopped to look at you, and you thought it was the first time you'd seen him completely still. The words hung heavy in the air. 

"Christmas was one of the few days my Dad didn't hit me," JJ replied. Your breath stilled. "As a kid, it felt like a present…"

"But as an adult…" you trailed off, already guessing the answer.

"It feels like punishment."

You didn't push him for more, and he didn't force you. You both finished cleaning the space and locking the doors. You didn't push back when he offered to drive you home again. 

The drive was silent but not uncomfortable. The radio played Christmas songs, and you both watched the open roads to your apartment. You hesitated to get out immediately when you pulled up. JJ's fingers tapped on the wheel.

"We can remake Christmas at the party together…if you want," JJ breathed, uncertainty in his voice. You softened.

"Okay."

He perked up but was still somber as he drove away. You were, too, but you weren't alone in that feeling. It made it more worthwhile. You felt like you had a storm cloud constantly around you, and for the first time, someone didn't try to paint on a silver lining. They just stood with you under the rain.

You didn't know what was appropriate for a holiday party, so you settled on a lovely black dress and boots that never got to see the light of day. You also baked cookies and Snickerdoodles because they were your favorite. The boots pinched your heels when you knocked on JJ's door. John B opened it with an "I'm with stupid" holiday sweater with the arrow pointing upwards. It jingled when he moved.

"Hey! You made it. Come inside," he smiled, ushering you in. The home looked like a holiday aisle with a lot of lights strung up. There were Santa's and snowmen figurines everywhere. The surfboards that were in their rack off to the side were also covered in lights. The smell of roast chicken permeated the space, but the biggest thing was a tree barely fitting the room. You felt relief that Pope and Kiara were dressed semi-nicely as well; it was only JJ and John B wearing awful sweaters. JJ's had "meet me under the mistletoe" with the arrow pointing downwards. There were even LEDs attached.

"I brought cookies," you said sheepishly. Pope immediately took the plate out of your grasp, looking ready to eat the cookies and the plate whole. You kept your comments to yourself. JJ bounded up to you. 

"Welcome to Poguelandia! We're decorating the tree," JJ pointed at their misshapen masterpiece.

"I can see that. What's Poguelandia?" 

"We're pogues, it's an Outer Banks thing," John B shrugged. "And this is our home, so it's Poguelandia."

"Got it," you smiled, not really getting it at all. You followed JJ to the tree, sitting down on the ground next to an assortment of ornaments. Many were handmade, and some looked like actual trash. You picked up one that was just a picture of JJ bent over. "Really?" You raised a brow.

"I'm really proud of that. Actually, I'd appreciate it if you kept your harsh comments to yourself," JJ grinned, taking it from your hands and putting it on the tree.

You worked back and forth like that, you commenting on some of the ornaments and JJ explaining them perfectly rationally. You also learned more about the other Pogues. You were discussing sea turtles with Kiara when a timer went off, and JJ rushed to the kitchen for dinner. You excused yourself and followed after him.

The kitchen was just off the living room. Counter space and a pot rack were the only things that divided you from the main area. Still, it felt private. When you walked in, he was taking what looked like an amazing roast chicken out of the oven. The smell of herbs and melted butter coated the area. 

"Smells good," you commented. JJ set the chicken down, taking off his oven mitts and turning to you. You crossed your arms. "Thanks for having me."

"Thanks for coming," JJ grinned. You liked seeing him smile. He turned back to the oven to grab one of the other dishes. Apparently forgetting he had already taken off his oven mitts, he immediately winced from the heat. You rushed forward and caught the dish before it dropped, setting it on the counter. You hissed from the burns on your hands, and JJ looked at you in concern. "Shit, I'm sorry I–"

"It's fine, it's fine," you breathed, even as part of you wanted to scream from the pain. JJ went to one of the cupboards to grab a first aid kit, immediately pulling out some ointment and bandaids. You let him bandage you, feeling every callous on his hands as he stroked over your burns. "This makes up for Christmas, by the way," you murmured. 

"Yeah? Even with the burns?" JJ chuckled, taking some gauze and wrapping your hands. You noticed he seemed to do it on autopilot. 

"Even with the burns."

You could see every fleck of stardust in JJ's eyes from this proximity, every smile line and imperfection that represented him. He was still one of the prettiest things you'd ever seen. He noticed you looking, smirking as he finished your bandage. 

"All better," he whispered, picking up your hand and kissing its palm where the burns were. You sucked in a breath, eyes wide as he stepped closer to you. You could feel his breath on you, the scent of cinnamon and fresh air overflowing your senses. You saw him part his lips, and you wondered what they would feel like on yours. 

"Just kiss her already, fucking idiot," John B called out, having spied on you both. He muttered the last part. Kiara and Pope joined in with their chants, and before you could utter an excuse, JJ was pulling you in by the waist and kissing you. Your hands dropped onto his shoulders as he dipped you down. He tasted like summertime, which now might become your favorite season. You only broke apart for air and because the rest of the pogues were catcalling. 

"I knew she was one of us," Kiara said to Pope. You both ignored her, though, staring and smiling at each other. 

"Happy holidays, JJ," you murmured, brushing some of his hair away from his face. He just grinned.

"Happy holidays, princess."

[a-doubleh-x]

Why I like Charlastor

The other day I noticed there was some negativity in the Charlastor tag, including antis and people feeling the need to defend against antis, so I thought I might as well take a step back and just write candidly about why I like the ship.

I only got into Hazbin in October of last year, but already it has inspired me a lot to write and fantazise about it. Like most people, I started with the classic "they look cute together", but as I kept looking I couldn't help but think there was something else to these two than first met the eye.

For starters, I love Pollyanas! I think they get a bad rep for being naive, but I just appreciate an optimist like Charlie who just wants to make people around her happy because it makes her happy. I also like bad boys 😳 I'm a pretty heteronormative guy, so I haven't had a big chance to explore that part of myself yet, but I do like the danger and excitement someone like Alastor brings to the table.

I will admit when I started writing Charlastor I felt like I was handling dynomite. It's a lil scary to ship a boundless altruist with a manipulative sociopath, but bear with me.

I think each of them has something the other needs. I think Charlie needs someone to challenge her, someone to steer her in the right direction while she's mostly isolated. At the start of the series, practically nobody but Vaggie takes her seriously, and Alastor is no exception. He mocks her, teases her, but she still listens and I think it's because somewhere deep down she understands there's something he's trting to communicate in his annoying, but curious way.

Of course, I also love the fanon Charlie who's down bad for Alastor, and even if that Charlie is a little naive, I think it's also sweet and she can use some indulgence while most people treat her like a child.

On the other hand, when it comes to Alastor, this is a bit of a theory on my part, but I think he's secretely lonely. He has friends, certainly, like Rosie and Mimzy, but they're not good enough friends to live together with him. They don't seem to be able to save him from "pure, absolute boredom". But Charlie, for some reason can, even though she's a stranger at the beginning when Alastor chooses to move into the Hotel.

Alastor is not as much of a cynic as someone who chooses to see things in a perspective that benefits him. He doesn't think redeeming sinner is "hopeless", but "hilarious" instead, which has interesting implications to me. That's why he chooses to hover around Charlie, not because he thinks she's lame, rather because he thinks she's silly. She makes him laugh. Which I think is kind of how Alastor sees "love".

And then you have fanon Alastor who, depending on the writer, is either a horny animal, a wisecrack edgelord or a soft boy who's mean to everyone but Charlie XD I like several of those interpretations, but I kinda prefer mine just out of personal taste. I think the best part about Alastor is that he doesn't *care* what anyone thinks of him and always does what he wants, even at the expense of other people, which I find pretty enviable.

They're kinda both outcasts in their own ways. Charlie by being unable to fit in and Alastor being unwilling to compromise. But they don't judge each other. He supports her in his own weird way and she houses him and is delighted of him in general, which is tasty food for his ego. I do wonder why Alastor is interested in Charlie, both in canon and in a fandom vacuum.

There's some cool potential for drama there, but also growth and healing, in my opinion. Personally, I think Alastor doesn't want to actually *hurt* Charlie, but he may hurt those around her, which will be a moment to start settling compromises if Charlie puts her foot down.

That haz bin my review so far! I'm honestly pretty grateful for Vivziepop for all of the work she's done so far, I know directing, animating and writing two shows over the course of 5 year or so ain't easy. I'm also grateful to the fandom who shares their thoughts and vision, which calms the terrible voices I started hearing in my head since I bought this weird old radio.

I'm in the middle of a break, but if you're interested in my fanfics I'll get back to writing very soon. Cheers! 🌈❤🦌

[vickyvicarious]

It seems like the general first impression was "The Demeter crew is suffering and sleepless and dying, while Mina is having a nice sightseeing vacation", but... Doesn't it seem less of a contrast than that?

Lucy's now increasingly odder sleepwalking was there from day one of Mina's arrival, making Mina sleepless. While the crew sleeps with one eye open.

Even on the first day on Whitby, Mina was taking about death and lost ships. While the crew was beginning to lose men. Mina and Mr Swales talk about tombstones and suicide. While the First Mate jumps to his death.

*Mina voice*: the reports of my hot girl summer have been greatly exaggerated...

You're onto something here, definitely. Of course, in the original book, we don't see anything from the Demeter until a little ways into Mina's stay, so it (re)reads as more foreshadowing than it seems like a parallel, but that's one of the really fun things to notice in the daily format! I'm reminded of Lucy's three suitors and her letters about looking into her mirror coming so soon on the heels of Jonathan's encounter with the three vampire women and with his mirror getting broken.

I never noticed just how much a lot of Mina's storyline here lines up so well with the Demeter though. And now that I'm thinking about it... There's a bunch of those kinds of connections!

Of course, there are overall ones. Like you said, Lucy's sleepwalking begins right away, and it robs Mina of her sleep. Meanwhile, the crew of the Demeter are kept awake by storms, by double-watches, by having to pick up the work that no one else is left to do. But though that's pretty overarching, there are also some moments that line up really well. For example, July 27: "Lucy walks more than ever, and each night I am awakened by her moving about the room." and July 28: "Four days in hell, knocking about in a sort of maelstrom, and the wind a tempest. No sleep for any one. Men all worn out."

Then there are Mina's conversation with Mr. Swales, especially the latter one with its talk of suicide, of going to hell - only two days before the mate leaps to his death rather than allow Dracula to get his soul. Mr. Swales also parallels the first mate a bit in being, as Mina says, "a most dictatorial person in his day" and very insistent that there's nothing supernatural going on, though as yet he's not been proven so terribly wrong about that the way the first mate was.

On July 24, Mina says there is "a buoy with a bell, which swings in bad weather, and sends in a mournful sound on the wind. They have a legend here that when a ship is lost bells are heard out at sea." That same day the Demeter is approaching more bad weather, and later on they get lost in the fog. (Though we never get mention of any bell ringing.)

Mrs. Westenra is afraid of Lucy's sleepwalking because she "has got an idea that sleep-walkers always go out on roofs of houses and along the edges of cliffs and then get suddenly wakened and fall over with a despairing cry that echoes all over the place." On August 2, the captain is awoken by a cry that sounds close, but which he cannot see the source of in the fog. The next day, the mate runs up onto the deck crying out after being figuratively 'wakened' to the true horror of who he's up against just before he leaps over the side of the ship. Also on August 3, Lucy goes about searching for the key so she can get out, and the mate went searching through the boxes in the hold. He clearly found what he was looking for, and it had terrible consequences; if Lucy finds what she seeks in her sleepwalking, what might happen to her?

And, one that I can't believe never occurred to me before... Mina's not only worried about Lucy, of course. She's very afraid for Jonathan. Because he, much like the men on the Demeter, has vanished unseen. He went off to his work (on watch/work trip) and hasn't been seen since. Even when she hears from him, it's brief and she can sense the letter is uncharacteristic of him, short and lacking detail. The reason, though she doesn't know it, is of course that Dracula stopped him from saying anything else/more. Jonathan's real sentiments and words were 'lost in the fog' so to speak (the false trail laid by the letters being the metaphorical fog here). It reminds me of the one sailor's cry that awoke the captain. And even with that, she's still waiting for more word of him and should have had it by this point. But he's simply gone.

It's not endless horrors for Mina at the moment, but the ominous tone is certainly building over time despite more positive moments happening too. To use a weather metaphor, more and more stormclouds have been gathering over time, looming threateningly overhead. And it looks an awful lot like the weather Dracula brought to the Demeter.

[ninjagirlstar5]

EDIT: Art requests are OFFICIALLY CLOSED as of December 7th, 2024! This post is left up as an archive for future reference if I ever open up requests again, so please do not send in any more requests! Any asks sent for art requests while they are closed will be deleted on sight.

So, uh, I know recent news have been...not great. Particularly in the US. And I think it's important to acknowledge that.

However, I also think it's important to take care of our mental health and do something fun since we'd only be hurting ourselves with constant doom scrolling and fixating on the bad stuff 24/7.

So, I decided to officially open up simple Art Requests! And what I mean by that is I'm going to be drawing characters in the style of AVA/M stick figures! Both regular and in chibi style.

Examples:

(If you follow @/a-student-out-of-time, you probably already seen this little chibi drawing of Umeko Hayase, who belongs to the mod himself, I made for fun since I sent this in an ask yesterday. I'm using this drawing since it best represents what I will do for the chibi sticks.)

All art requests for this will be digital and fully colored, but won't be fully rendered. I want to keep the drawings simple and easy to make for myself for as long as I keep requests open.

With that out of the way, here are some rules for what to send in:

Requests for AVA/M characters are obviously welcome and I will be using my own designs & headcanons for them when completing your requests.

For those who followed me for my DRA & SDRA2 stuff (mostly SDRA2), I will also do art for characters from the duology! They will just be turned into stick figures, hehe. (I may even do canon characters from the Danganronpa series in general if anyone sends requests for them.)

(Also, if you want either AIkado or IRLkado in your request, please specify which one you want. Same goes for other characters in SDRA2 if you want their teenager or adult versions.)

OCs (and sonas) are also allowed, whether Danganronpa, AVA/M, or not! A reference is required, though. And if your OC isn't a stick for AVA/M, I suggest giving me a specific color you want me to use for the OC that you feel fits them best since these will be done in the stick figure style.

No NSFW! I do not make that kind of stuff in my art, and anyone that requests that will be ignored or blocked if repeatedly asked.

Shipping is allowed, but anything that involves incest, child/minor x adult, and abusers x victims will be ignored and blocked. And yes, that includes adopted siblings/children, so no Mikako X Yamato and Mango X Purple nonsense. I will smite you on sight.

While I do enjoy toxic yaoi/yuri (*gestures to my Sannotori stuff*), the point of these art requests is to make fun and fluffy stuff, so if you request a ship like Sannotori, I will make sweet and kind art for them.

I have the right to NOT do a ship if I'm uncomfortable with it or just don't like it. (ex. Mango X Navy, Alan X Anyone, Chosen X Second/Orange, Mikado X Sora or Yuki, Mitch X Anyone, etc.)

(This includes shipping in SDRA2 in general due to a certain twist that makes it...a little strange. While I'm pretty sure all the characters are adults, I decided that it's best to treat it as more of a case by case basis and how big the age gaps are.)

I will draw a max of three characters per request.

If the request is a ship, please specify it to be romantic, otherwise I will assume it's just a friendly interaction between two (or more) characters. Or use their ship name (with the characters' names as well just to make sure I know which ones I'm doing).

If you have a specific scene for a request, tell me in your ask. Otherwise I will just do whatever comes to mind first. Edit: I forgot to mention this but this applies to which style you want me to do between regular stick or chibi. My bad. ^^;

Requests will be fluff and kind only! As mentioned before, the point of this is to do something nice and relaxing for everyone involved. And personally, I am not in the mood to make angst. Please respect that.

(Funny shitpost requests are also allowed, of course.)

I will only take requests through my asks, no where else.

And I believe that's it. This list of rules may get updated if anything else is brought to my attention, but yeah! I think I'm gonna leave these requests open for about a month so this will last until December 7th, 2024, at midnight! Any requests I haven't gotten around to by the deadline will still be completed if they're ones I want to do but anything sent after the date will be ignored.

Feel free to send in requests!

[savventeen]

you say the stupidest (sweetest) things

pairing: seungkwan x gn!reader rating: 16+ (for swearing) wc: 4.5k prompt: seungkwan + "things you said at 1am" summary: you say stupid shit on the best of days, so when seungkwan comes over when you're having a bad bout of insomnia, the last thing he expects to hear from you is an accidental love confession warnings: insomnia, mental health issues, dissociation mention tags: fluff, friends to lovers, first kiss, reader is a little unhinged but who isn't tbh, they're also highkey allergic to genuine expressions of love/affection but they're working on it, banter, stimming, wrestling like children to try and work through emotions, reader is some flavor of lgbt+ (they make an "i've never done anything straight in my life" joke), reader's pov is dramatic bc they're dramatic oops a/n: this is for @dokyeomin as a part of my emergency commissions (check out the post here) and this was only supposed to be 1k but it 100% got away from me... i hope you still enjoy the fluff and all of the attached nonsense <3

From: Y/n 🔪 [11:47pm]

yo kwannie if i impulsively decide to go to the 24h convenience store how harshly do u think they'll jusdge me for buying every flavor of gummy candy available *judge i wanna see if i can melt them down into one Ultimate Gummy u know for Science

Seungkwan pauses brushing his teeth and stares down at your messages.

To be fair, it's probably not the strangest thing you've ever texted him. He's known you since your second year of college, after all, so he has about half a decade of experience with all of your various y/n-isms under his belt now.

Which is how he knows to trust his gut when it tells him that this probably isn't your usual brand of nonsense.

He spits the toothpaste into the sink and dials your number. You answer on the second ring.

“Before you say anything,” you start, “I was only half-serious about the gummies thing. Like, it's a fun idea, you know? In theory. But in actuality? I do not want to deal with the mess that it would create. Or the smells. Well, the smells might actually be pretty good depending on—“

“Uh-huh,” he interrupts dryly. “Y/n, when's the last time you slept?”

The beat of silence that follows is enough to confirm his suspicions, and the hesitant “Um” that follows is just the icing on the cake, really.

He sighs. “The fact that you have to think about it says enough.”

“I don’t need to think about it,” you argue petulantly. “I just… don’t wanna tell you.”

“Y/n...” he groans, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“Look, I know, I'm sorry.” And you do sound a little bit sorry, at least. “I'm just. Having an episode. Don't worry about it.”

His shoulders droop as the words sink in. “Episodes” are what you've taken to calling your intermittent bouts of serious insomnia.

Generally speaking, you sleep about as well as the average twenty-something with a caffeine addiction. But every few months or so, it's like your brain completely forgets how to shut off and you end up staying awake for 40+ hours straight.

“Well,” he says, putting his toothbrush away and going back to his bedroom. “You know that ship has sailed, right? You know I'm gonna worry about it.”

Your deep sigh crackles over the line. “Yeah, I know.”

“So. Where're we at this time?”

He mentally braces himself. The two of you have done this enough times now that he knows that you know there's no point in trying to lie or beat around the bush.

“Uhhhhhhh, I'll be hitting the 46-hour mark in about 20 minutes.”

“Aish.”

The fact that you can say that so casually makes his heart hurt. He knows that whenever he doesn't get enough sleep, he makes sure everyone knows it and thus babies him accordingly. But you've always been so intent on hiding anything and everything you struggle with. It's taken years for him to bully himself past the walls you keep hidden behind shit-eating grins and an over-willingness to help.

“Okay,” he says, moving to the dresser to grab an extra set of clothes. “I'll be over in an hour.”

“Wait. What?”

“You heard me.” He tosses the clothes onto his bed before going to grab one of his duffle bags, firmly asserting, “You've got an hour to mentally prepare yourself for my arrival.”

“Honey, you've got a big storm comin',” you quote at him without hesitating.

“You sure do,” he assures with a snort. “Better get ready to feel the wrath of my friendship.”

“Why do you have to love so aggressively?”

He rolls his eyes while he throws his clothes into the duffle bag with one hand. “Because it's the only way you'll accept it, idiot.”

“No, it isn't.”

Your pout is so audible through the phone that Seungkwan has to stop and glance at the screen in disbelief.

“Y/n. Y/n L/n. Do not stand there and lie to my face like that.”

“I'm not lying!”

“Not—” He gesticulates wildly with one hand like he's going Can you believe this shit? to an invisible TV audience. “Okay, tell me this: what did you do the last time I sincerely monologued at you about how much you mean to me as a friend, hmm? No bits, no bullshit, just me telling you how much I love you and how amazing you are.”

A beat. “I'll hang up on you, Kwannie, don't test me.”

He barely resists the urge to shove his face into the bedspread and scream. “You're literally proving my point right now!”

“Kwannieeee,” you whine, because you know he's right.

“Also, because I'm never letting you live it down, I will remind you exactly what you did."

You say his name again, but it's muffled, and he assumes it's because you're hiding your face in shame.

“I gave you a sincere, heartfelt speech about how much your friendship has changed my life for the better and made me become a better person—” he ignores your wordless pterodactyl screech, “—and how do you respond? By staring at me like a deer caught in the headlights, slowly raising your arms to give me double finger guns, winking, and then slowly backing out of the room like an awkward mannequin!”

“...”

“Well?” He puts his free hand on his hip. “Do you have anything to say for yourself?”

“… I’ve changed a lot since then.”

Seungkwan rolls his eyes before moving to continue packing his overnight bag. “It was literally three months ago.”

“Yeah, and? Doesn't change the fact that I've changed,” you assert.

“Into even more of a nuisance? Yes, you're absolutely right.” He smiles when he hears you scoff playfully.

“Listen here, Boo Seungkwan. You know that well-rested Y/n is ready to throw down with you at a moment's notice. What do you think sleep-deprived, zero-impulse-control Y/n is going to do the second you get to their front door?”

“Stop referring to themself in the third person, hopefully,” he mutters, finally zipping up his bag and heading to the door. “And then after that, they're going to let me bully them into resting.”

“Hmm. The council has heard your proposal, briefly pondered it, and deemed it “unnecessary” on the basis of: they're a bad bitch that can't be stopped by neither time nor physics nor any god of your choosing.”

Seungkwan scoffs as he puts the call on speaker and sits to put on his sneakers. “Well, “the council” can go fuck right off.”

“What if the council would like to fuck right on?”

Pausing in the middle of tying his laces, he blinks down at his phone. “I'm— what?”

“Okay, real talk, what do you think it would mean in this case? Like, would this be like a 'hop on' versus 'hop off' situation? Or more like an 'I'm down for this' versus 'I'm up for this' kinda situation? Because it would have very different outcomes depending.”

Seungkwan decides that this is a debate better left for another time. “I think it means that I'm going to be at your house soon and that if you're not in your pajamas with hot Sleepy Time tea and the series Planet Earth ready to go, there will be consequences.”

“Booooooo, you whore.”

He finishes tying his laces and jabs his finger at the phone. “Consequences, Y/n.”

“Ugh, fine.”

“See you soon, love you, bye.” He hangs up before you can get another word in, but doesn't move from his seated position in the entryway.

Slowly, he takes a deep breath in and lets it out, taking a moment to lean back on his hands while he stares at the back of his front door. Specifically, at the large collage of sticky notes and pictures and doodles that have taken up residence there.

A few of the notes are ones he's gotten from other members of your shared friend group over the years (the one from Chan that reads "if u eat my rice i'll eat ur kneecaps xoxo" hangs proudly in the center, right next to a picture of him sleeping that Seungkwan managed to capture from an extremely unflattering angle). But most of them are from you.

Dumb puns, meme references, bullshit animal facts you made up just to get him to laugh… almost all of them are stupid in that extremely charming way that only you somehow manage to pull off.

But the one he's staring at now is almost completely hidden by other notes and pictures that have been added to the collage. It's a pale blue, the ink starting to fade a bit with time — the first note you ever gave him, back when you two were just people who happened to sit next to each other in an astronomy class.

Even though most of it is hidden, he doesn't need to be able to see all the tiny words you crammed into the small space to already know exactly what it says.

how do u make a space party? u planet :P u looked sad today, hope this makes u feel a little better also if this is 2 forward feel free 2 pretend i don't exist. or punt me in2 the sun idk u'd be doing me a favor tbh

He'd almost skipped class that day because of how bad he'd been feeling, but he'd decided to try and push through. And before that day, neither of you had interacted with more than a polite greeting and the occasional question about the homework.

But then you'd passed him that note, and he'd passed one back that said “that's dumb. but thank you” with a smiley face, and you'd passed another one back that said “do u think lizard people have ever been to space?” and the rest, they say, is history.

Seungkwan shakes his head with a sigh before standing up and grabbing his bag and his keys, striding determinedly out the door. He's got a best friend to take care of.

Seungkwan should be at your place soon, and you're not quite sure what to do in the meantime.

You have your laptop hooked up to the monitor in the living room with Planet Earth queued up, you have the kettle filled with water and ready to go on the stove, and you have mugs and teabags ready on the counter next to it.

The Required Tasks™️ have been completed as much as possible without the arrival of your best friend, and now all that's left to do is wait.

Which, normally, you're not the worst at. You're excellent at entertaining yourself, actually, mostly because there's always something to think about. Whether it be about cute dogs that you've seen over the past week (I wonder if the pomeranian down the street will let me pet him next time), potential plot twists for the new fantasy drama you're a little bit obsessed with (what if Gregothy was cursed the whole time???), or generic ponderings of the human existence as a whole (do souls have the metaphysical equivalent of a fingerprint?), you're pretty much always thinking about something.

Which is totally fine and dandy and cool or whatever when you have the ability to, you know, shut it off. For example, when you need to do something simple and necessary like, oh I don't know, go the fuck to sleep.

You also hate when that manic mental energy somehow translates into kinetic energy as well. It makes you feel like a hamster in a cage, watching yourself running and running and running on that stupid wheel until you exhaust yourself.

Tonight's metaphorical wheel: stimming like wild in the kitchen. Flapping, rocking, (gently) slapping, making weird and fun mouth sounds, the whole shebang.

And again, normally stimming is fun. Stimming is great. But stimming because you feel like if you don't stop moving you're going to literally vibrate out of your skin is, to put it lightly, Not It.

It takes you about ten minutes to work out all of the energy until you no longer feel like your blood was replaced with pop rocks.

With a groan, you lower yourself to the kitchen floor and lay down face first. Because despite how exhausted you feel in every possible way, there's still something like an itch in your conscious, a fucking pea underneath the miles of mattresses that refuse to let you just. Fucking. Sleep.

Your pity party must've lasted longer than you realized (or, more likely, you dissociated for a hot second there) because suddenly someone's knocking at your door at the same time you get a text from Seungkwan.

And you know it's a text from Seungkwan specifically because you got Vernon to help you change your notification settings so that whenever Seungkwan texts you, the "i love you.. bitch" sound clip plays instead of a normal text tone.

For a fraction of a second, you contemplate slowly inching your way to the door like an uncoordinated caterpillar, but you swat the thought aside like you’re swatting a gnat and you awkwardly roll to your feet and make your way to your front door.

Without hesitating, you unlock the door, swinging it open with a flourish and sticking a finger right in Seungkwan's face before he can utter a single syllable, forcing him to cross his eyes.

You open your mouth wide like you're going to say something, pause for a moment, then tap your pointed finger to his nose with a quiet "boop."

He blinks, expression turning deadpan, and sighs. "I should have expected this, honestly."

“Yep!”

You let him into your apartment, and he makes himself right at home, mildly bitching at you as he goes to get the tea ready, and something within you shifts.

The inside of your head is still a bit of a dumpster fire, unfortunately, but inside your chest... something clicks into place that you're not sure that you're ready to name. Whatever it is, though, it's soft and warm and kinda feels like your heart is being hugged.

Smiling to yourself, you follow him into the kitchen.

💤 💤 💤 💤 💤

It was pretty much straight to “business” after that, and it only takes Seungkwan one cup of tea and two episodes listening to David Attenborough's dulcet narrations for him to knock right out, leaning heavily against your shoulder on the couch.

Which means it's now the perfect time to sit there and Admire Your Bro™️.

It's rare to see him so still, you think. He's an active guy, in pretty much every sense of the word, and you always feel a little honored when you get to be witness to his quiet, vulnerable moments like this one.

He looks so serene, face smoothed out and painted in soft twirling shades of blue from the screen of the monitor, though you can't see too much of it from this angle. Mostly you just see his cheeks and stupidly adorable button nose.

And you've seen the same thing a million times before — in all kinds of states and expressions — and despite how much you've tried to ignore it, each and every time you've caught yourself noticing just how cute Seungkwan is, it's caused that thing in your heart to scrunch up, full of the L-word feeling that you've kept unnamed for what feels like forever now.

Except, maybe that thing in your heart is tired of scrunching up. Maybe it's decided that it's tired of forever.

Maybe that thing has finally decided to burrow itself out of the walls you've built up because you find yourself finally allowing yourself to think, Holy shit, I think I'm in love with you.

You don't realize that Seungkwan has completely stilled against you, but you certainly notice when he suddenly throws himself forward so he can turn around and stare at you incredulously. Only he overshoots a little bit and ends up falling off the couch with a squawk and a dramatic flail.

"Oh my god, Kwannie are you okay?!"

He stares at you from where he fell, wide-eyed like you've grown a second head or like the time you'd tried to convince him that birds weren't real and actually just a government conspiracy.

"Am— am I okay? No??"

Now it's your turn to move off of the couch, coming down to his level to see if maybe he hurt himself when he fell. "Fuck, okay, did you hit something? Do you need an icepack?"

Seungkwan being Not Okay is maybe one of the worst things that could ever happen in the entire universe and you're trying not to panic as you reach out to check for injuries.

"No, no, stop—" he bats away at your hands and you stop in your motions, now kneeling in front of him. "I'm not hurt!"

Your brain does the cartoonish screech thing as it comes to a halt, and you furrow your brows. "But.. you just said you're not okay?"

"I'm not!" His eyes are still wide in shock, but he also looks confused and maybe a little bit like he's about to cry?

Oh no. If he cries and it's somehow your fault (because it has to somehow be your fault) you think the world might actually end.

"Okay, uh. I am— confused,” you start, sure you must look as lost as you feel. “But, um, what can I do to help?"

He swallows, and a part of you realizes that he's looking at you with an expression you've never seen before. "Did you mean it?"

Knowing that it's significant but not yet knowing why, you maintain eye contact. "Mean what?"

"What you just said."

You blink. "...that I'm confused?"

He shakes his head. "No, before that."

You have a hard time remembering what you just said when you're not sleep-deprived and worried you've just somehow accidentally caused irreparable emotional damage to your best friend. "Uh... when I asked if you were okay?"

"No, fuck," and it's a shock for some reason, hearing him cuss right now. You hear him say much worse things all the time, but you think it might be the way he said it — with a kind of desperate vulnerability that you're not sure you've ever heard from him before.

That thing in your chest twinges and you think maybe you're the one who's gonna start crying.

He says your name like a plea, and then he's on his knees right in front of where you're kneeling on the floor, reaching forward to cup your face in his palms. "You said— Y/n, you said "holy shit I think I'm in love with you.””

Oh.

You're pretty sure your heart falls right out of your ass and bounces across the rug, judging from the way it comes to a dead stop. You blink at him. Full of new and sinking kind of dread, you whisper, "...I said that out loud?"

He laughs, but it's tinged with incredulity and sounds a little too close to a sob for comfort. "Yes! You did!"

And wait, no, your heart is still stuck in your chest, because you can feel it start pounding against your ribcage in double, triple, quadruple time. He must see the fear in your expression, because suddenly his eyes are narrowed in a determined scowl and he growls, "Oh no you don't."

Then you find yourself going down with a yelp as Seungkwan octopuses himself around you, trapping you within the confines of his surprisingly strong arms and legs as he basically tackles you to the floor.

You try and wiggle away even as you know it's useless, and he grits, "Y/n dammit, answer my question."

"Why were you even awake?” You deflect, getting an arm free and trying to give him a wedgie. “You were supposed to be asleep!"

"I was supposed to be asleep?!” He screeches, easily evading your reach and poking your ribs to get you to reflexively pull back your arm. “You're the one who hasn't slept in literal days! And stop avoiding my question!"

"No!" He has you trapped once again, and you resort to licking his arm.

"Oh my god!"

He muffles his scream into your shoulder, long and frustrated, and then he just... goes limp. He loosens his hold and just lets his full body weight kinda crush the parts of you he's ended up lying on and just... lays there.

This is your chance, you know — to wiggle free and escape and run away from your feelings just like you always have.

But, for some reason, you don't — that scrunched-up thing in your chest holds you back. You stay there, lying beneath Seungkwan on the floor of your living room at one-something in the morning, and the two of you just breathe.

"It's okay, you know," he murmurs after a moment, so quiet you barely hear him over David Attenborough still narrating softly in the background. "If you didn't mean it. It's okay."

Holy shit, I think I'm in love with you.

And you realize how easy it would be to play it off, to blame it on the sleep deprivation, the way you blurted it out like that — to say (to lie) you meant it completely platonically, like the way you propose to Mingyu at least once a month when he cooks you all dinner.

And you also realize, quite shockingly, that despite how a part of you still desperately wants to run away, the larger part of you wants to stay. Doesn't want to run. Doesn't want to lie anymore.

You swallow heavily, briefly close your eyes, and take in a deep breath. "And if I did? Mean it?"

This time, you do notice when Seungkwan goes still. Slowly, he lifts his head so he can look you in the eyes.

When he doesn't say anything, just continues to look at you with an unreadable expression, you try to continue.

"Would you— would that— would it be okay? If I meant it? When I— when I said that I'm in love with you? Is— because um, like you said, it's okay if it's not, and uh—"

Your nervous rambling comes to a stop when he once again cups your face, but it's gentler than before, closer to a caress. The whole time you'd been talking he'd been slowly sitting up, and now he's on his knees next to where you're still lying down on the floor, looking down at you like all the hope in the world is somewhere to be found in your expression.

"Y/n." he says your name like it's something precious, and you feel the absurd urge to burst into tears. "It would be very okay." His thumbs make gentle arcs across your cheeks. "And just to be clear: you mean it in a non-platonic sense, right?” He chews on his lip. “Hopefully, in a very much romantic sense?"

Staring at him staring at you, eyes bright with hope and a little bit of wonder... you can only imagine you must be looking at him the same way. Your chest feels like it's full of helium but also like something warm and gooey is sloshing around in there. And all that hope and wonder and holy shit is this actually happening? is causing your tongue to stick to the roof of your mouth, and all you're able to get past your lips is a breathless, "Hopefully?"

"Oh my god," he groans in frustration, but it's light and airy and makes you think of amusement park rides and fairy lights and how you want to annoy the shit out of this man for the rest of his life, if he'll let you. He's shaking his head, smiling, beaming, and he asks, "Why can you never give me any kind of a straight answer, huh?"

"Because it's my life's purpose to be the bane of your existence until the day we die," you say, reaching up to hold his face too. "Also because I've never done anything straight ever in my life."

And then your body is moving before your brain can think it though, dragging him down until you can press your lips to his and finally, finally know what it's like to kiss Boo Seungkwan.

He makes a little noise of surprise, one that you can feel buzz against your lips before he melts into you. And oh, any thoughts you might have had are forcefully ejected from your brain because all you can focus on are his lips pressed to yours, the way they move slowly, gently, turning this chaste kiss into the most scorching experience of your life. His nose bumps against yours and the heat of his warm breath sends tingles throughout your body, and his hands, fuck, his hands are still holding you gently but also with a firmness that feels like he doesn't want to let you go.

And then he's pulling away, and you whine at him because this may be the cruelest thing he's ever done to you ever in your entire life. "Noooooo, why'd you stop?"

"Because, as much as I'd love to continue to make out with you on your floor while an old British man narrates about life on the Serengeti—” he mercifully ignores the way you choke on your spit at the way he talks about making out with you so nonchalantly "—it's past someone's bedtime."

Your mouth drops open in offended shock. Was he actually going to put you to bed like a child? Like you both hadn't just declared your romantic love for each other? "Are you fucking serious?"

He just stands up and crosses his arms, looking down at you with a single raised eyebrow. You take the part of you that finds it annoyingly attractive and promptly smother it, crossing your own arms from your position on the floor.

"I'm not a baby," you definitely don't pout.

"Hmmm...” And then the bastard fucking pouts at you. “But you're my baby."

You blink at him.

"Welp, that was nice while it lasted,” you grunt, rolling to your feet, “but I suddenly need to relocate to Antarctica and become a penguin herder.”

He pulls you into his arms with a laugh, and you let him, burying your face in the crook of his shoulder.

“You know,” he starts after he's held you for a few moments. “This isn't how I ever imagined how us confessing to each other would go.”

You snort.

“But also,” he continues, “it feels very 'us' doesn't it?”

"Yeah,” you murmur, not bothering to lift your head from his shoulder.

“Mmm, is someone finally sleepy?” he teases, starting to waddle you both towards your bedroom. “Did all the emotions finally wear you out?”

Instead of nodding, you lightly kick him in the shin and the sappy part of your brain that is currently in charge of everything thinks that his indignant squawk is one of your most favorite sounds.

The sappy part of your brain is right, of course, and when you wake up in your bed 15 hours later and accidentally smack him in the face, the urge to run is a little bit smaller than it was before. And the way he flushes bright red after you sleepily kiss him on the cheek is an image you're going to cherish until the day you die.

[olderthannetfic]

I’l throw my two cents into the f/f vs m/m wank fire.

I wonder if part of more m/m being written in general isn’t that certain character dynamics are more likely to remind people of mysogynistic tropes if it involves women.

I’m not sure if these are the best examples— but if the woman is the one getting dominated and the one that gets "babyfever" that seems like it invites harrasment and accusations about misoginy because authors of ye olde times reduced women to only that, and you are decidedly not safe even when all the characters are women because "how dare you write a woman uphold patriarchial standards" or something. Talking about wanting to get a cis man pregnant comes off less creepy than saying the same thing about any woman, doesn’t it?

Maybe these tropes are too niche to actually have any considerable bearing on the shipping scene at large, but it does seem to me like men just become the safer bet to explore sex with and don’t carry the fear to need to write a PhD dissertations about misoginy and sexism as a preface before writing dynamics or kinks that you like, or an explanation to why you are allowed to like that kink or dynamic.

It feels like this might extend to other marginalized or uncommon identities where certain things come with unfortunate sociohistorical (is that a word?) implications, and thus becomes much more restricted in what becomes socially acceptable to depict.

And people don’t want to risk or worry about depicting something "wrong" when they are in a space to relax, and in many cases to avoid thinking too hard about things.

More sensitive topics seem to open up more bad faith readings, which is counter productive for more text to be created about it.

Which now typing out a long explanation for seems stupid- I guess it’s a stupidly obvious conclusion to draw now that if there is a selective pressure of any kind on what gets submitted in a specific category, there will be overall less of it.

If people did feel less concious over what the worst possible reading could be of their f/f and m/f fic there’d certainly be more of it, but I don’t know if people complaining about the lack of f/f want to sacrifice the proportions of "quality" over higher statistics.

I think this might have been touched upon in some ways by other anons under "then we should encourage more het men to write f/f", just not with the exact framework I’m coming from I think.

I don’t have a good way to end this and I’m not sure if it’s worth anything (as far as these types of discourse go anyways), but this is way longer than originally intended already

--

This is a pretty standard point in "Why do women like m/m?" discussions going back decades, yeah. I'm sure this is a reason for many women just as some guys write female characters to explore things they find uncomfortable to explore via male ones.

The thing about the cyclical wank is that it boils down to m/m fans listing a bunch of reasons that make a lot of sense... at extreme length.

And then a bunch of f/f fans feeling rather attacked because nobody really wants to read a thousand pages about why their thing is unpopular.

And then someone goes "Okay, but it's weird/bad that women like slash!" and we're back to the tl;dr explanations.

[lowtaperfeyd]

A Scintilla of Excitement (Chapter 1)

Feyd-Rautha Harkonnen x Mentat!reader

author's note: This is the first chapter of the mentat series I am writing! I'm so excited for you to see what else I've come up with for this :D (It has now taken the spot for longest thing I've written.) Also go check out my beta-reader @zzleeper!!!!

warnings: house harkonnen, death, mentions of knives,

wc: 1529

You sat on the cold, metal seat of the ornithopter the Harkonnens sent to come and get you from the heighlinder. The scraping of metal startled you when they screeched unexpectedly.

 How tragic, you thought, my final moments will take place in a world with no normal sun. And no normal sons either. 

The entire two day trip on the heighliner was not so bad. You were allowed to wander the empty ship corridors and explore even up to the staff decks. The only part that was scary were the ‘servants’ aboard the ship. Their bald heads, that seemed to engulf any light that shined on them, made you feel uneasy. 

If this is how I feel when I see people like this, I wonder how I’ll feel when I see the baron. 

They always seemed to look at you as if you were an alien. Which I supposed you were. The color to your skin that made you look more alive than them. It probably scared them just as much as it scared you. 

As you continued to sit there in the cockpit, thinking about the heighliner, you fiddled with your fingers and did not sit fully still. 

“We have a nervous one I see!” Shouted a voice from the front of the cockpit where the pilot was. A voice that had a distinct inflection that just screamed Harkonnen, even if the owner of the voice was whispering, 

“Don’t worry the baron doesn’t play with his food.” The pilot laughed out, “But the Na-Baron, oh boy watch yourself around him!” 

As you sat there, mildly disturbed at what you just heard, the pilot went on and on about the things he had seen the Na-Baron do. Almost like he was proud of him,

“There was this one time Na-Baron took a butter knife off the table and stabbed one of his uncle’s advisors because he didn’t agree with what he was saying!” He exclaimed, “One of my friends was there, he barely survived with just one eye left. Told me all about the story.” 

“That's,” you swallowed so as to not hurl at what you heard, “really something…” 

FACT: HARKONNENS AND THE PEOPLE OF THE PLANET, IN GENERAL, ARE USED TO THIS VIOLENCE AND ENJOY IT. 

INFERENCE: DON'T ACT LIKE YOU HATE THOSE THINGS, BE VERY NEUTRAL ON IT.

HYPOTHESIS: IF YOU CAN ACT LIKE YOU FEEL INDIFFERENT ABOUT THESE THINGS MAYBE THEY'LL PUT IN A GOOD RECOMMENDATION TO KAITAIN. 

“It’s incredible, ” The pilot responded, “But the real question is, why does the baron need another Mentat?”

“Another good question is where’s the store that doesn’t sell chatty pilots?”(Y/N) retorted, feeling a little sick and tired from the traveling and what they had just heard.  

The snap seemed to shut him up just long enough before you landed on Giedi Prime. 

“About an hour before we land on the surface, Mentat.” The same pilot muttered in annoyance. 

Actually, 1 hour, 2 minutes, and 23 seconds. But who's counting or keeping track? Definitely not you. 

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

As the heighliner ramp went down, it allowed you to fully see the polluted land around Geidi Prime. The black sun changed the red, metallic bracelet you were wearing to a dark and shiny gray, almost sliver, instead of its normal vibrance. You saw the guards and their multitude of weapons and dark armor. 

If they were standing inside, that would be black. You thought, but that isn’t a surprising detail.

“Are you ready to walk down, Mentat?” one of the other workers on the heighliner asked.

“Yes.” You responded courteously, because you had a pretty good idea of what would happen if you disrespected someone with all the guards and important people around. 

The ramp underneath your feet was extremely slippery and steep and forced you to take very slow and precise steps to reach the end. At the rate I am moving I’ll get to the end after the sun goes down. You eventually got to the end of the ramp. But, you only looked at your feet the entire time. Once you looked up you saw a man with a black hood and robes, as well as the lip tattoo you had. 

That’s Piter de Vries. 

You took the final ten steps to walk to him. As you walked you noticed him look you up and down in an arrogant and almost disgusted manner. 

You put your hand out waiting for him to shake your hand. As you did this you said, “I’m (Y/N) (L/N), the new Mentat.”

Instead of him talking your hand he just continued to look up and down. Most likely reviewing the clothes you were wearing and the way you held yourself. Awkwardly, you put your hand down back to your side. 

“Well your arrival in the ornithopter was on time. But, the way you traversed down to the ground was quite untimely.” He remarked, “It must be quite exciting for you to have your first assignment.” He added sarcastically. 

Just a scintilla of excitement, it would be more if I was not here. 

“But, there is no time for talking,” he exhaled, “I can’t have you seeing the baron in such attire.” 

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You looked around at the small bedroom you were given. The room had a hospital type of antiseptic-ness. The walls were bare besides small vertical groves and bolts into the walls holding things together. There was a little gray desk that had shelves that were indented into the walls above it. Beside your desk, was the little chest of belongings that were sent before you had departed from Tleilax. 

I’ll unpack that before I go to bed tonight. 

You turned toward your bed, a relatively small bed with dark covers and pillows. On top of that was a black butcher paper package. On the front of it, in clear print was, TO THE MENTAT, (L/N). In the package was a set of black clothes that looked similar to the ones you see de Vries as well as other people wearing, except without the cloak. On top of the clothes was a note from de Vries himself. 

(L/N), I have taken the liberty of getting rid of all the unnecessary clothes in your trunk and replacing them with more suitable attire for a Mentat. In your closet, you’ll find more of the same kind in the package.

De Vries.

What an asshole.

Quickly, you walked over to your closet and sure enough when you opened it. It was like the same outfit had been cloned over and over again. Black shirt, black pants, and a shiny black belt. Three pairs of black, leather dress shoes were in there too. At the back of the closet, there was a small amount of colder weather wear. A couple of insulated black coats and cloaks. 

Unwillingly, you shed your bright clothes from the academy for a dreary uniform instead. The fabric of the shirt was silking and smooth, but the pants itched badly when it met your skin. 

Once you were done, you exited your room to see two, bald headed, slave girls standing outside of your room. 

“Why are you here?” You questioned. 

“We are here to take you to the baron. Under the order of Mentat De Vries.” The girl on the left said timidly. 

“Alright…” you whispered as you closed the door behind you. 

As you walked through the halls of the Harkonnen’s castle you saw portraits of past rulers who were equally as bald as the next. After four minutes of walking, you ended up in front of a heavily guarded door. From outside the room, you could hear the sounds of yelling, screams, and a thud against the wall.  

Remember, indifference, and then you’ll get your way. 

You nodded toward the guard, signaling to him you were ready to enter the room. Slowly, the guard opened the heavy, metal door with a slight grunt. Walking inside, you saw a long table that had chairs on either side of it and a huge spread of food on top of it. But, there was only one chair at the head. The Baron was sitting there enjoying the elegant feast on the table. 

For the baron… all that food. 

You walked past important officials and advisors to Baron Harkonnen sitting in the chairs. You noticed De Vries sitting right next to the baron and opposite two bald headed men. These men were dressed not like the slave or advisors, but men of higher standing. 

The baron’s nephews Count Glossu and Na-Baron Feyd-Rautha Rabban. 

Beside De Vries, there was an empty seat. As you walked to sit in that seat, you noticed the younger man who was sitting opposite of you, the Na-Baron, eyeing you down and biting his lips at the same time. 

He probably picks the member of staff that gets eaten when a couple mess up. Is he imagining me fried or boiled?  

“I appear to be late, I’m sorry about that, my baron.” You apologized as you pulled the chair out and sat.  “Don’t be sorry, Mentat." The Na-Baron jested, "It’s not a good look for you.”

[azurbright]

Can you write something cute and fluffy about Jimmy and Mumbo please? Maybe they're like sneaking off from their bases and allys to meet up in secret.

AGGHG

I love that you guys are entertaining the idea of this ship. Let me cook. I promise you guys.

Its kinda short, but you get the point!

------

Skizz and Grian had fallen asleep for the night. The small hallways within the bridges were where they slept. It was easy to sneak out, his to friends slept heavy, and nothing could wake them up. Which Mumbo started to think, in a place like this, was a really bad thing. Literally, anyone could come and try to kill them their sleep, and they probably wouldn't even wake up to fight.

Jimmy's attempt to escape the mountain, though, was much more difficult, Lizzie had sleeping problems, insomnia they thought, it didn't usually matter much, she knew where he was going. They never talked about it, but she knew. She also often snuck off to see Joel in the night, but she was less obvious about it. The only one who didn't know was Scar, who was generally oblivious.

They met up inside a small cave entrance pretty far away from where anyone could find them. It was near BigBs base, but they were sure that he wouldn't come looking out here. They felt they could be themselves with each other here. It wasn't a death game when they were together, It didn't matter. They made a pact or more like a promise not to kill eachother, no matter what. They knew in the end, they'd never win anyways.

"Jim, it's so good to see you," Mumbo pauses, "it's been a long day." Today's wildcard had really been something. Mumbo wrapped Jimmy into his arms. It was cold outside, and they hadn't gotten the chance to talk in a while. Mumbo was only slightly taller than Jimmy, and he tended to his rest his head on his shoulder. His mustache tickled his neck a little bit, and he leaned into Mumbo, placing a hand in his hair.

"I've missed you, Mumbo." He pulls back to look at him, "To bad, we don't get to see each other more often. Although, if anyone knew about this, especially people other than our teammates, they'd use it against us. You know that." Jimmy sighed, "and I can't die this time." He was determined, Mumbo would give him that, but he knew it was obsolete, Jimmy was not good at surviving. It wasn't his strong suit. His strong suit, Mumbo thought, was simply just being him. Silly, thoughtless Jimmy. Now that he thought about it, surviving wasn't really his strong suit either. He was smart but not in that way. Besides, he'd probably die to his own hand anyway. For now, though, he'd like to keep Jimmy in his grasp.

He didn't want to think about everything that could happen. Instead, he wanted to focus on the here and now. He slid down the wall, Jimmy falling with him. There was something so gently sweet about this here.

They were sat on the cold hard floor of a cave, embracing each other, and that was, okay, for now. Mumbo placed his chin atop of Jimmy's head lightly. "I'm gonna miss this." Mumbo whispered.

"Me too." Jimmy whispered back, closing his eyes, trying to imagine a world where this wasn't it. It's was impossible. All they knew was this world. Maybe that was okay. Maybe this was all they needed.

[mdhwrites]

i wanted to ask you about some legend of Korra stuff but I know you've said your not a worldbuilding guy so here's my toh ask instead: what is the appeal of camillip (Camilla and Philip)? I'm not asking as a belos hater (I mean I do hate him but more cause I find him un-intimidating- he's not exactly competent) but it's such a crackship. I'm not against it I support most ships so long as pedophilia/incest isn't involved but it's a very odd ship. Same goes for goldric but I actually didn't see as much of that ship like other people in the fandom at the time did. So why do you think people are so drawn to this ship? I know the villain x hero, enemies to lovers dynamic is popular and how there is that corruption vs innocence and bigot in love trope but most people remove Philip's villainy/bigotry? So why do you think people are so drawn to this ship?

So first: I can criticize worldbuilding, I will criticize TOH's after all, but it's just not my strongest suit, especially when it comes to my own fiction. The bigger issue with asking me about Korra stuff is just that I've only seen the first season when it was coming out, and like two episodes of the second, and went "Well, I like the slice of life stuff, didn't like the actual plot stuff and WOW this is bad now. Peace." It's also so long ago I can't actually give any real opinions of my own for something I found mostly forgettable.

Second: I would bet Philip and Camila as a ship actually has nothing to do with Philip being a villain. So a potentially awkward take I have about Belos is that part of why he may appeal to certain parts of the fandom is that, well... He's the only dude with confidence. He's the only one who might ever put his foot down. Everyone else is either too nice or submissive to have a proper backbone and there are going to be fans who strictly don't want that out of the male characters they play with. Belos gives that to someone for TOH and Camila can play against that in many ways. Either you lean into how subservient she is to her daughter's whims and have her second to him, or you have him and her push against each other as peers or you lean into the fact that both theoretically want to temper Luz into being a better human being but have very different ways to go about it, leading to its own push and pull. There's a lot of good, dynamic stuff there just by base personalities.

You also admittedly have another side of him: The Hunter side. Hunter is your edgelord, punk kid with a tragic backstory and as someone who has spent time with Belos enjoyers, one of the REALLY compelling parts about him to them is that he is arguably wronged in many of the same ways that Hunter is. Someone who was raised a certain way and was told by his family to believe in those ideals until suddenly he was betrayed out of nowhere and found himself alone. However, unlike Hunter, the cultural brainwashing actually, you know, was cultural brainwashing and he took the words to heart and committed terrible things because of it. Things he has now doubled down on for centuries as they are all he has to cling to.

That sort of backstory is RIPE for an "I can fix him" mentality and Camila is the perfect sort of character to do that. She is kind, has the patience of a saint, a firm moral code but also a perseverance which means she won't give up. Who better then to pull out the better man in him, the leader and visionary who made the Isles into frankly a damn near utopia besides his one law, than Camila? Mix that with the history he has with Luz, or general conflicts he could have with Luz, and this adds a lot of angst and stakes to anything to do with their relationship.

Camila is also admittedly the only non-squicky option for all of this with him really. I mean... As far as women who are legal go, you either need to age up characters, all of whom should hate his guts pretty vigorously, or you have Camila, Eda, Lilith, Evalyn, Terra, Dora the Explorer or whatever her name was, and Odalia. That's a lot of names... Not a lot of characters. Half of those people are people most of the fandom overlook or just don't really have a character. Odalia loses ALL of the points I talked about here because PURE EVIL according to the fandom and then Lilith and Eda both have big reasons to despise him with every fiber of their being AND they also don't really have the right attitudes to lead to a redeemed Belos, not as a main draw. Camila is the only one with the right storm of traits to tell more sympathetic sides of Belos with.

And that's okay. There's compelling stories to be had there and that's what fanfiction is all about. It is fun to dissect what romance tropes and the like are at play in a given ship though like this, so thank you for that and see you next tale.

======+++++======

Funny enough: I don't think I've personally seen almost ANYTHING of this ship so all my analysis is just off the theoreticals I can see by my knowledge and instincts. Admittedly, I don't see a lot of TOH content in general nowadays.

I have a public Discord for any and all who want to join!

I also have an Amazon page for all of my original works in various forms of character focused romances from cute, teenage romance to erotica series of my past. I have an Ao3 for my fanfiction projects as well if that catches your fancy instead. If you want to hang out with me, I stream from time to time and love to chat with chat.

A Twitter you can follow too

And a Kofi if you like what I do and want to help out with the fact that disability doesn’t pay much.