#i think i'm made of stone i should be feeling more. — SPOTIFY.

[acespaceacepilot]

wyll ravengard, my beloved

♘⚔♡ a wyll playlist on spotify with themes on leaving/going home, the weight of sacrifice, and atonement

(song list + lyrics that made me chose them below the cut)

don’t let them see you cry - manchester orchestra

so breathe while you're alive / let the big band play as you tap leather with your fingers / and i tried to write in style / but the words just come and i write them as soon as i see 'em

passenger seat - death cab for cutie

i roll the window down / and then begin to breathe in / the darkest country road / and the strong scent of evergreen / from the passenger seat as / you are driving me home

open arms - november ultra

love with open hands / love the fool who smiles / the wisdom of the damned / love with open heart / let it burn you, consume you / take over who you are

meet you at the gate - jayne trimble

there was a field, and at the brow of a hill / i had a vision, time stood still, you were holding / the world in your hands, you said / "come on up what are you waiting for? / you are willing, and i am able / to take your load, your heavy load— / i am stronger, than the beasts of this land / i have a softer touch than any human hand."

(no one knows me) like the piano - sampha

you know i left, i flew the nest / and you know i won't be long / and in my chest you know me best / and you know i'll be back home

love love love - the mountain goats

king saul fell on his sword when it all went wrong / and joseph's brothers sold him down the river for a song / and sonny liston rubbed some tiger balm into his glove / some things you do for money and some you do for love, love, love

17 - youth lagoon

surrounded by nothing / but the nothing's surrounded by us / but it's just me in my room / with my eyes shut / oh, when i was seventeen / my mother said to me / "don't stop imagining. the day that you do is the day that you die."

wheels roll home - the antlers

don't go before you leave / every second we got, we gotta make believe / that you'll be right back like you never left / like you mailed yourself to your return address / in a self-stamped envelope / you'll revolve 'round the globe / but / when your wheels roll home (x3) / no more you roam

don’t haunt this place - yellow ostrich

don't haunt this heart, don't haunt this place / your heart beating slow as it beats out of pace / … / this was hard, it was fun, we should do it again / give ourselves some time, ten years from the day / i need you now, i need you then / i never want to feel this again

only the young die good - saintseneca

if only the good ones die young / i'd pray your corruption come / swift like a thief in the night / right i pluck my right eye right out / yanked from your slumber / what ominous portent / dangles in your face / rife with sprites falling on knives / crowd into your gaze

the boy who blocked his own shot - the thoughtlife

i'll grow old, start acting my age / be a brand new day in a life that you hate / a crown of gold, a heart that's harder than stone / and it hurts a whole lot but it's missed when it's gone / … / and if it makes you less sad, i'll move out of the state / you can keep to yourself, i'll keep out of your way / and if it makes you less sad, i'll take your pictures all down / every picture you paint, i will paint myself out

salt circle - eliza mclamb

i'm tender as a soft warm palm / and i don't know how to deal with my anger yet / when i was younger i'd curse the thought / of thinking all of them / and i'm afraid of losing my mind / cause then i'd lose my place / oh, nothing keeps me here as much as / the sight of my own face

dyin day - anaïs mitchell

be it work or be it rite? / father, tell me / brings us to the mountainside / every day a dying day / be it work or be it rite / oh my sweet babe / we come to make a sacrifice / every day a dying day

welcome home, son - radical face

ships are launching from my chest / some have names but most do not / if you find one, please let me know what piece i've lost / peel the scars from off my back / i don't need them anymore / you can throw them out or keep them in your mason jars

believe me - james and the shame

i think you want an answer / i'm not prepared to give / 'cause the one i gave you said that, that ain't it / must be something that i want / … / i don't think it's true / i'm not asking you to agree / i'm just asking you to believe me / you say my heart was never true / that might say more 'bout you

boy with a coin - iron & wine

a boy with a coin he crammed in his jeans / then making a wish he tossed in the sea / walked to a town that all of us burn / when god left the ground to circle the world

devil’s resting place - laura marling

i woke up one morning to know that i had gone / finally taken the step and jumped right off the wall / when you come to call on me that's why my eyes are glazed / i've been with the devil in the devil's resting place / i am loathe to say that i have been to stay / i've been with the devil in the devil's resting place

little soldiers - the crane wives

now the aftermath will ring with songs you've sung / all of our words sent home in boxes / i fought with tooth and nail before the flag had flown / but you were already gone

c’mon baby, cry - orville peck

i can see the sadness in your eyes / you've been tryna hide what you left behind / they say it's darkest before the dawn / but you've been smiling for so long / a thousand teardrops can't be wrong, no

another travelin’ song - bright eyes

well i'm changing all my strings / i'm gonna write another traveling song / about all the billion highways and the cities at the break of dawn / well i guess the best that i can do now is pretend that i've done nothing wrong / and to dream about a train that's gonna take me back where i belong

[kpoppharmacy]

~Album Review~

Tomorrow x Together - The Name Chapter: FREEFALL

10 songs, 29 minutes 22 seconds

Growing Pain

Chasing That Feeling

Back for More (TXT Ver.)

Dreamer

Deep Down

Happily Ever After

Skipping Stones

Blue Spring

Do It Like That

Chasing That Feeling (English Ver.)

Thoughts:

I am a MOA at heart and have been since Run Away era. I am always excited for TXT releases, but I am also critical of them as I expect a lot from this group. They were my most streamed group in 2021 and 2023, I saw them live in 2023, and I have a dedicated playlist on my Spotify with local files of covers and songs not on streaming platforms. Safe to say I'm a diehard fan. However, this release made me feel mixed opinions.

The opening track is my favorite song on the album. TXT knows how to make an opening song that hooks you, and this is no exception. The song gives me 90s and 00s punk vibes. The vocals are crazy on this one, especially from Beomgyu and Yeonjun. I love when TXT does rock. The song blows me away every time I listen to it. Thank you, TXT, for this song. Sadly, this is the high of the album for me.

The title track is highly unexpected, and slightly disappointing. Somehow, CTF is an earworm. When I first listened to it, I was genuinely underwhelmed. Coming right off of Growing Pain, the hype was not maintained. It has a good 80s retro sound, and I really like the lyrics. It is almost too chill for me. Nevertheless, I cannot take it off of my playlist, very catchy. An easy listen is the best way for me to describe it.

Back for More is such a good pre-release. I was addicted to this song in September when it was released. Unfortunately, I overplayed it. The placement of this song is also kind of off-putting. Personally, I think it should have been after the more "edgy" songs of the album. For this reason, along with the overplaying, I always skip it. This song is still extremely captivating on it's own, and I am pleased that TXT got a well promoted pre-release track.

Dreamer and Deep Down have to be 2nd and 3rd place on this album, in no particular order. This is a slight high in the album for me. Here, TXT returns to sounds they have done in the past: R&B and EDM. I have been wanting this from TXT for so long. Interestingly enough, these songs sound slightly "off." Maybe it's the awkwardly high vocals on Dreamer that I cannot imagine being performed live, or the creepy, repetitive 'more' repeated in Deep Down. These are good songs, but I cannot focus too much on the details. Dreamer sounds ethereal and can put me into a trance, until the high notes in the chorus take me out of it. Deep Down gives me Can't We Just Leave The Monster Alive? vibes (a good thing), and is nice to have on a playlist, even if it is not perfectly executed.

Happily Ever After is a classic pop song, similarly to Happy Fools, but not as good. It has a really good pre-chorus and first half of the chorus, but once it gets to those la-la-las I want to skip. However, it's not as skippable as Ice Cream. It is rare that TXT makes a song that I want to skip, but here is the rough in the diamond.

I feel extremely neutral about Skipping Stones. It sounds like an anime outro to me and I cannot tell why. I know it will go hard in a concert setting, and I'm happy it is all in Korean (too many songs all in English). It feels like I should be obsessed with this song, but I am not. Maybe, it will hit after several months or once I see it live.

Blue Spring. Oh, Blue Spring, how I love you. I have had the live version of this song downloaded on my Spotify for months, so this song does not feel new to me. The live version is 100% better than the studio version too. I want to skip this song just so I can listen to the live version instead. This song would have been the PERFECT closer, but instead other songs come next.

Do It Like That and CTF English version kind of ruin the album for me. Without them, this album could have been a solid mini with some ups and downs. Instead, these two close out the album and it makes me feel sour. Do It Like That is not that good of a song to begin with, but it is so old at this point. It was supposed to be their summer bop, what is it doing in Freefall, that has a more alternative vibe, at all? I think Bighit just wanted the Jonas Brothers on the credits for the album honestly. And, even more pandering to the English audience, the English version of CTF is the final song. It is fine to include an English version, but why do they change already English lines to other, worse English lines? The original song had so much English to begin with. Extremely disappointing English version, and it makes me cringe that I'll have to learn these worse lyrics if I want to see them perform this live. I can't even hear Yeonjun sing, "I prepared to die..." or "feels like I'm on fire..." live. They took so much away from me.

Overall, I am somewhat disappointed with this release. When I take out the 3 English songs, it is listenable. I really wish they just made this a mini album, but here we are. Other than DILT, I don't hate any of these songs, so I guess it wasn't so bad.

Rating: 7/10

[hanoella]

Affettuoso- With Feeling (Part 3)

Pairing: Bucky x Pianist!Reader

Set after the events of TFATWS: In an effort to start over and make a home in Louisiana, Bucky meets a friend of Sam’s who ends up being his landlord. With only a driveway to separate them, he finds that he’s not the only one looking for a fresh start.

Series tags/warnings: Slow Burn, Eventual Bucky x Reader, Mentions of Domestic Abuse, Canon Level Violence

Part 3 Word Count: 3k

A/N: Can you tell I don't really have a posting schedule? lol. I also introduced links to the specific pieces I had in mind. I'm using soundcloud because I don't think everyone has access to spotify. Trying to be reader friendly! This can be read with or without the audio, as I do my best to still convey the thought in the fic. Though if you can, I highly recommend :)

Thanks again for all your support! Every heart and comment motivates me and is just so wonderful

Read Part 1; Masterlist

---

A few days had passed since the night that Bucky had overheard your troubles. It had been quiet since, and you hadn’t left the house. The curtains were opened during the day and closed at night, the only telltale signs that you existed.

Doesn’t she have to work? Bucky thought to himself. He speculated all the different possibilities as he used the riding mower around the property. Maybe you were an heiress? You seemed pretty down to earth though. Or maybe you sold a patented idea for a ton of money. All this land had to have been expensive. And to not request actual money from him?

He eyed up the width of the gate for your fence. The riding mower couldn’t fit so he would have to use a push mower for your fenced off yard. He hadn’t seen one in the garage. Maybe the old shed at the back of your yard had one? Bucky parked the mower in the garage, taking a moment to make a mental list of everything. Depending on if he found anything in the shed, he might need to buy a few basic tools and a chainsaw for that fallen tree.

He walked out of the garage and over to the shed. The leaves were changing color and it brought a whole new atmosphere to the secluded forest area. Opening the gate of the weathered white fence, he looked around to see if you were out. No signs of life. Entering the yard and closing the gate behind him, he started walking to the back. Halfway through, he stopped at the fire pit. The grey stone blocks were starting to crumble, with a few of the bricks having fallen off. It would probably be really nice if he got a little bit of cement mix and filled in the gaps. Bucky made another mental note.

The shed had no padlock so he was able to open it with no problem. Amongst the cobwebs and bags of soil, was an older green push mower that looked like it might work. He gave the gas a pull and got no response back. Looking underneath, Bucky saw what might be the problem. He’d have to take a closer look later. Putting the lawn mower back onto its wheels, he pushed it across the yard, pausing when he saw movement though the glass doors of the back patio.

Craning his neck to avoid the glare, he saw you sitting at your fancy full keyboard. The way the piano was against the opposite wall, your back was to him. You had big over-ear headphones plugged into it, so he couldn’t hear the sound but he saw the flurry of keys being pressed down. Whatever you were playing, you played passionately. Hands and arms gracefully moved despite the speed at which they were moving. Enhanced hearing coming into play, he heard the muffled clicks of the fluttering keys. Suddenly, you pressed down forcefully, holding whatever chord you had struck as your shoulders gently relaxed. A deep breath. Arm creating a graceful arc as if you had studied ballet, you pressed gently on another chord. And another. Bucky counted three more times you did this before you let your hands gently fall from the keys to your lap. Several moments passed before slid the headphones off of your ears to sit wrapped around your neck. Another deep breath. This time as the breath escaped you, you stayed slouched, head tilting up to stare at nothing on the wall.

A buzz broke Bucky from his trance.

“Call me, new mission” The text from Sam on his home screen said.

He pocketed his phone, glancing through the glass one more time. There you still sat.

Unmoving.

---

The roar of the plane’s engine was just loud enough to drown out Bucky’s thoughts without being annoying. If it weren’t for the adrenaline of the recovery mission under the cover of nightfall, he probably would’ve been lulled to sleep. Beside him sat Sam, looking on his phone for the exact coordinates of the politician they had been sent to rescue.

“Here it is. I’m assuming there’s some sort of underground base since there are no heat signatures anywhere within the radius where he was taken. It should take us about ten more minutes before we’re directly over it.”

Bucky hummed in acknowledgement.

Sam raised an eyebrow. “Earth to Bucky.”

“What does your friend do?” Bucky asked suddenly, sitting up straighter and turning towards him.

“… What?”

“What does she do? I’ve never seen her leave the house. Is she okay?”

“If you’re asking why she doesn’t leave the house, it’s because her contract doesn’t start for a while. She’s technically still supposed to be in physical therapy but she hasn’t found a place yet. You know, your whole routine gets messed up when you move.”

“For her shoulder?”

Now it was Sam’s turn to look at Bucky, trying to decipher the motive behind these questions. Bucky shifted his weight in the chair, antsy under the scrutiny.

“Never mind, I-”

“Yes, for her shoulder.” Sam said, cutting him off. He stopped himself from asking why Bucky wanted to know. There was an awkward pause before Bucky explained himself.

“I just wanted to know. I’m not used to seeing people so…”

“Similar to yourself?”

“I was gonna say isolated but fair point.” Bucky admitted. Sam leaned back in his chair, looking straight forward.

“She’s been through a lot… I know you heard some of it.”

Bucky blinked in surprise.

“I realized the window was open when I could hear you drive off.”

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to-”

“It’s alright, it’s good that you know.” Sam said as he held up his hand to cut Bucky off.

“She’s just trying to get a fresh start. She’s in a raw emotional space and in the meantime is a little skittish. Just like someone else I know.” Sam jabbed his elbow into Bucky’s side as he enunciated the last sentence.

“Okay, okay, I get it. I’m trying!” He shouted as he held one hand up defensively and using the other to block the second jab Sam was trying to get in. Sam chuckled and then stood up, grabbing a parachute pack and tossing it at Bucky, who caught it without even looking.

“Figured you might wanna try an actual chute this time.”

Bucky rolled his eyes and mouthed Sam’s words mockingly with a grimace as he put the backpack on. Clipping it into place, he joined Sam at the side door of the plane.

“She used to play in an orchestra you know.” Sam said wistfully. “The piano. That’s actually how we met. She had volunteered to play a small concert before the dinner. It really helped raise a lot of money for the VA.”

Bucky stayed silent, prompting him to continue.

“Then that bastard she was engaged to beat her and then shoved her down a set of concrete steps when she tried to leave him. It was like a month after we all came back. She was in the hospital for a while. Broken ribs, broken shoulder, and a nasty concussion to boot. Neighbor saw the whole thing and called the cops but the courts were so backed up and the case fell through the cracks. Wouldn’t leave her alone after he got out. So, I pulled some strings and helped her move down here on the fly.”

“… That’s terrible.”

Bucky didn’t know what to say or how to react. They stood in silence, taking a moment to pay a respect of sorts to the trials you have been through. Then Sam broke the silence.

“She just needs time to heal in more ways than one. But she’s strong. Resilient.”

Putting a hand on Bucky’s shoulder, he squeezed it lightly with reassurance.

“Reminds me of someone else I know.” Sam said, finishing the conversation and pulling his goggles over his eyes, giving Bucky the opportunity to take the compliment without feeling too on the spot.

Pulling the door open, Sam shouted over the wind.

“Ready?”

Bucky nodded. Sam jumped from the plane and deployed the wings, the shield shining in the moonlight. Bucky jumped right behind him, using the glint of the silver star to guide his descent as he followed the man that gave the shield its meaning.

---

You laid with your head down on the kitchen table, letting the last golden rays of sun warm the side of your face. You were exhausted from going to physical therapy, especially since today had been the first appointment. All the measurements, all the exercises, all the stretching.

All the questions.

“So, how did you break your shoulder?” the young blonde physical therapist asked.

“Ah, I… fell down some stairs.” You said, looking down at your hands in your lap.

She didn’t look up from the papers, instead just raising an eyebrow.

“You also cracked some ribs and had a concussion?”

“… They were concrete.”

She looked up from the papers at you, analyzing. Her gaze softened and she asked no further questions on how these serious injuries had been obtained.

“Let’s look at your range of motion.”

You had practically stumbled into the house, kicking off your sneakers and plopping down at the kitchen table. Minutes passed by as you regained your breath, heartbeat steadying. The house was slightly cold since you had turned the heat down this morning. As your sweat cooled, you wrapped your arms around your legs in an attempt to keep you warm without getting up.

The sun feels so warm… You thought to yourself drowsily, feeling slightly less lonely. The sun was a cheap substitute for the warmth of a partner…

---

You jolted upright, the kitchen dark and cold. Neck and shoulder stiff from the awkward position you had dozed off in. Feeling the dryness of your mouth, you got up, stretching your neck gently while you walked to the fridge to get water. Chugging about half the bottle, you squinted at the clock. You had been asleep for about forty-five minutes. Groaning, you put the bottle down on the counter and walked into the living room to close the curtains. Grabbing one in each hand, you went to pull them together when you hesitated, noticing that Bucky’s apartment was dark for the third day in a row. The sleek motorbike that was usually parked under the slight overhang of the garage was missing as well.

He was probably on a mission, right? Not that it was any of your business. You shut the curtains and turned off the lights before lightly padded down the hall, stopping to adjust the thermostat. The heat kicked on, sending a puff of cold air your way. You shivered as you walked with a quickened pace to your room, shutting the door and heading into the master bathroom, turning the hot water on with just a tad of cold.

Waiting for the shower to warm up, you leaned over the sink and looked into the mirror. Dark circles under your eyes. Small scar on the bridge of your nose. Running your hand through the roots of your hair, you felt for the scar where the stitches had been. When was the last time you had a haircut? Or put on some makeup?

Some higher being must’ve felt pity for you since the steam from the shower fogged the glass, preventing you from tearing yourself apart any further. Stepping underneath the warm stream, you let the warmth seep into your muscles, then bones, filling every fracture and break with a temporary sense of wholeness until the emptiness of your heart and home caused it slowly to drip out until it, along with you, was gone.

---

The next morning, you weren’t motivated to do anything. You lounged around the house, sipping on coffee and browsing on your phone for furniture, clothes, even sneaking a peak at some pianos. Wanting to invest in one you’d use for the next several decades, you had put off buying one until the money from your contract with the orchestra started in a month. You were still well off, nowhere near struggling and probably wouldn’t ever be unless you decided to buy a mansion (which was a no). You just wanted to be careful.

In the afternoon, you popped a pain killer and muscle relaxer in preparation for the few hours you wanted to practice. Thirty minutes went by and the ever-present ache in your shoulder calmed enough to let you practice with relative peace. Sitting on the bench in front of the keyboard, you pondered what you might play to warm up.

Hmm, maybe a Chopin prelude? Short, emotional, familiar.

Your left hand held the soft deep chords as your right hand softly flitted around the higher notes. Breathing in and out with the music, you tried to ignore the ache that start to surround your shoulder.

Playing the last few notes, you paused before reaching over to the bottle of painkillers.

---

Shortly after finishing up, you dragged a small table outside next to the wooden bench swing that was hanging on the porch. Bundled up in a soft sweatshirt, long-sleeve shirt, wool lined leggings, fuzzy socks and slippers, you brought out your hot tea, several blankets, a pillow, and a book you had been meaning to read for months. You were determined to do something besides practice, watch TV, and scroll on your phone.

You settled onto the bench, wrapping the blanket around you, nice and toasty from the layers trapping in the heat of a thorough practice session. The extra medication had really helped keep the pain at bay. Tentatively sipping the steaming cup, you closed your eyes to further appreciate the sweet tones of peach and honey. Setting the cup in your lap with one hand, you used your other hand to flip open to the first page.

---

Bucky hadn’t expected the mission to get so complicated. Finding the base was one thing, navigating in and out of the expansive maze was another. It took a few days to successfully get the target out and back to the embassy. He hadn’t properly slept during that time due to taking shifts with Sam. Not that it was any different from how he slept at home.

The sun was letting its last few rays bless the earth when he turned onto the driveway. Taking it easy on the gravel, he eased his posture and slowed the bike. He put pressure on the brakes as he made it past the final wall of trees that hid the water that was reflecting the last bit of color left in the sky. Rolling casually into a stop, he parked and let out a deep breath, shoulders sinking.

A stray bird calling out turned his attention in the direction of your house. The porch light was on. That’s new, he thought. Squinting his eyes, he saw a bundle on the porch swing. Was that you? Quietly walking over while taking his leather gloves off, he confirmed his suspicions. There you were, lying on your side propped up by a large fuzzy pillow. Eyes closed and breathing rhythmically. Scanning the scene, he noticed the mug on the side table, empty except for the used teabag. Your book was closed, the page you were on marked by one of your fingers. You must’ve fallen asleep while reading.

“Hey…” Bucky said gently. No response besides a small nose scrunch.

He repeated himself a little louder, squatting to be at eye level while gently setting his hand on your arm and shaking you lightly. You groaned this time, eyes fluttering open, taking a moment to focus. You squinted and pushed yourself up into a sitting position, losing your place in the book and attempting to blink the heavy drowsiness from your eyes.

“Bucky?” You questioned hoarsely as you met his eyes. He was still crouching so you were looking slightly down at him. Brow furrowed, you searched the blue of his eyes before looking around to see how dark it had gotten. As you turned your head back to him, he stood back up, scratching the back of his neck just to occupy his hands.

“It’s starting to get cold. I didn’t want you to spend the rest of the night out here.” He explained, choosing to look out at the water, now dark. When he turned his head back, you had also turned your head to look at the water, exposing the side of your neck, the tendons and clavicle accentuated by the strain. Bucky swallowed and your eyes met his, oblivious.

“Ah, thank you. I must’ve fallen asleep reading. I just started going back to physical therapy so I’ve just been so wiped… Anyway,” you said, dismissing yourself mid-thought. He didn’t want to hear about all that. “…did you just come back from a mission?” You eyed the diagonal cuts of leather on his jacket, noting the missing sleeve that exposed the glint of the metal.

“Yeah. I was gone for a few days.”

“Okay. I’m glad you’re home safe.” You mindlessly said, picking up the book and other various items strewn about.

Home safe. What an unfamiliar phrase.

As the words echoed in his mind, you had opened the door and stepped in, turning your head slightly to look back at him.

“Thanks again… Good night.”

“Good night.” Bucky replied, watching as you shut the door softly behind you.

Slowly walking down the porch steps, he crossed the driveway to the garage. Turning his head just in time to see the last light turn off in your house, he stood with his hand on the knob, meditating on the effect that one short sentence had on him.

Glad you’re home safe. Was this what it was like when you had someone waiting on you at home? The tired eyes and gentle smile. Would that be what it was like when he came home in the middle of a night from a mission when he had someone to share a bed with? Gently shaking them to let them know he was home? Or would he try to sneak into bed without waking them? He tried to imagine what that sort of intimacy would be like as he entered his apartment and then his room. Unzipping his jacket and tossing it over a chair, he stripped down to his boxer briefs and climbed into bed, wondering what it would be like if it was already warm.

[dreamersscape]

In Which I Attempt to Wreak Havoc Upon Panharmonium's Heart. Or Something.

Because I am an awesome friend, clearly, and possibly making people sad/verklempt is definitely an excellent way to (belatedly 😔 but I did start before the 15th!) celebrate Kakashi's birthday, right? ;)

I will admit up front that this is nowhere near as deftly structured and compiled as your Kakashi fanmix, @panharmonium, but that is precisely why I'm not even going to try to organize all these songs into individual playlists. Yet. Plus, I have a tendency to over-explain so this way I can better expound on why certain songs remind me of certain characters. Sorry that I sorta went a little... overboard?

Everything--except a few that aren't available on spotify, I'll link to them directly--can be listened to HERE.

What I'm Looking For - Brendan Benson | Kakashi → I may be a little biased with this one because it fits SO many of my favorite characters so well, somehow, but there's just something about the upbeat/tongue-in-cheek musical cues/delivery of lines such as 'I visit hell on a daily basis, and I see the sadness in all your faces' that just feels so Kakashi to me.

Happy Ending - MIKA | Kakashi → This is presumably a breakup song, but I enjoy it so much more in a non-romantic context (and the song itself isn't really boxed in with overtly romantic framing, so I appreciate that!). Anyway, some very important instructions IMO for listening to this with Kakashi in mind: everything before the bridge is about Kakashi up through his ANBU years, but when you get to the 'little bit of love' refrain, picture Kakashi meeting Tenzo, and then becoming Team 7's sensei, opening back up to Gai, adopting all the other leaf genin, assimilating Sai and Yamato into Team 7, and it keeps building with Kakashi gaining more and more loved ones to fill the hole in his heart, and then cry tears of joy with me! Just my personal suggestion. :D

Light - Sleeping At Last | Kakashi & Team 7 (/all his kids)

with every heartbeat I have left I will defend your every breath

→ I've seen this song used for ship vids and I'm all ????? about that because this is clearly a song about the love you have for your child! But I suppose if one of my favorite pastimes is aggressively re-interpreting love songs in non-romantic ways, I can't begrudge the opposite process... too much, lol.

Heroes - MIKA | Team Minato

your blood on me/and my blood on you/but to make you bleed/the only thing I wouldn't do/.../I wish there was a way/to give you a hand to hold/'cause you don't have to die in your glory/die, to never grow old

Long Lost Friends - Transit | Kakashi & Obito

how long/do you have to say that/this is not the person I used to know/you are not the person I used to know/.../because lately, you've been looking at me like you've seen a ghost/and isn't it obvious who's been missing who the most

→ What the heck! What the heck! What the heck! What the heck! What the heck!

Against the Voices - Switchfoot | Kakashi

'cause everybody knows/the hardest war to fight/is the fight to be yourself/when the voices try to turn you into someone else

Out of the Darkness - Matthew and the Atlas | Obito? Yamato? Kakashi? Itachi & Sasuke? Naruto & Kurama? → I'm a bit undecided about this one, or if I should just not worry about choosing one character and just let myself feel all the "inner darkness is not an innate characteristic, Danzo! They're just grieving/in a lot of pain, and they can find their way out of that dark place!" feels.

Save A Place - 1969 | Kakashi & Sasuke

so I'll keep away and save a place for you/and I'll only make the same mistakes as you/.../when all the blood all over your fingers is dried up/the pain will still linger

→ I'm not uber-confident in picking out really fitting Kakashi & Sasuke songs yet, but I hope this hits a lot of the right notes for you. :)

Thrive - Switchfoot | Kakashi

I'm always close, but I'm never enough/I'm always in line, but I'm never in love/I get so down, but I won't give up/I get so down, but I won't give up

→ See, it says right there that he's never in love! Not the crux of the song, and he's not always 'in line' either, but still! :)

Disarm - The Civil Wars | Kakashi & Obito

the years burn, burn, burn

→ I don't know how I keep collecting fictional relationships that work so well for this song, but literally every single line of this song hits so hard for these two?? Will never recover from this. (Also, I usually disregard when 'my love' pops up in the last line of the chorus, as the mood dictates. :) It's pretty incidental as is IMO.)

Renaissance - Paolo Buonvino & Skin | Sakumo & Obito & Kakashi & Naruto

let me show you one last time/let me show you one last sign/you can find it/I can't say that I can change the world/but if you let me, I can make another world for us/let me suffer all for you/make this vision all brand new/we can fight them/I can't say that I can win it all, [but] come with me and I will make my words stand tall

→ Okay, this is a very odd choice given that it's actually the theme song for a different show about the Italian renaissance (if you happen to see this, Mirjam, don't hate me!), but this could be IT! The "those who break the rules are scum, but those who would abandon their friends are worse than scum" anthem that's all about building a better world based on these principles! I really hope our sharing-a-brain talent translates to listening to this song in this way because I am feeling SOME KIND of way about this!

The Lament of Eustace Scrubb - The Oh Hellos | Kakashi → I really liked the song you chose from this album for your fanmix, so now I've feeling a tiny bit too on-the-nose with my choice, but I guess this is just a Kakashi album all around. 😆

Glass Heart Hymn - Paper Route | Kakashi(+ Obito) & Sasuke(+ Itachi)

memories as heavy as a stone/ I am empty, in my end you are my beginning

This Is Home - Switchfoot | Yamato & Kakashi (+ Team 7)

and now, after all my searching/after all my questions/I'm gonna call it home

→ All finding-where-you-belong songs are actually Yamato songs. True story!

Faust, Midas, & Myself - Switchfoot | Obito

you have one life left to leave/you have one life left to lead

→ Could this be any more perfect for Obito? It even has creepy-old-man!Madara!

Pluto - Sleeping At Last | Kakashi

Always Gold - Radical Face | Kakashi & Obito/Sasuke & Itachi/Naruto & Sasuke

all my life, I've never known where you've been/there were holes in you, the kind that I could not mend/and I heard you say, right when you left that day/does everything go away?/yeah, everything goes away/but I'm going to be here till forever/so just call when you're around

→ ...but mostly Kakashi & Obito because 'there were holes in you' 😭😭😭

Lemon Boy - Cavetown | Yamato & Kakashi → You already know the delights of this song of course, but I gots to be comprehensive. :)

Everywhere I Go - Lissie/cover by Sleeping At Last | Kakashi & Team Minato

danger will follow me now everywhere I go/angels will call on me and take me to my home/well, these tired eyes just want to remain closed

→ I chose the Sleeping At Last cover for maximum angst, 'cause sometimes it be like that.

Uneven Odds - Sleeping At Last | Kakashi

maybe your light is a seed, and the darkness the dirt, in spite of the uneven odds, beauty lifts from the earth

→ ...just like an earth style: mud wall :') Okay, okay, bad jokes aside, the seed metaphor of course makes me want to associate it with Tenzo, but this is clearly a Kakashi song!

Twenty-four - Switchfoot | Kakashi & Obito

life is not what I thought it was twenty-four hours ago/and I'm not who I thought I was twenty-four hours ago/still I'm singing spirit, take me up in arms with you/you're raising the dead in me/I wanna see miracles/to see the world change/wrestled the angel for more than a name/for more than a feeling, for more than a cause/I'm singing spirit, take me up in arms with you/and you're raising the dead in me

I'm Still Here (Jim's Theme) - John Rzeznik | Kakashi

and how can they say I never change?/they're the ones that stay the same/.../they can't tell me who to be/'cause I'm not what they see/.../and their words are just whispers/and lies that I'll never believe

→ Yeah, I might've accidentally imprinted on Treasure Planet as a 14 year old, and then someone made sure this song would forever live in my heart by making a fanvid of it with my favorite character from my robin hood show, but! He's still here!

See You Again - Wiz Khalifa (feat. Charlie Puth) | Kakashi & Obito/Team Minato

how can we not talk about family when family's all that we got?/everything I went through, you were standing there by my side/and now you gon' be with me for the last ride

→ I am being very unoriginal here, and there are in fact already fanvids made for these relationships set to this song (along with many others featuring different Naruto relationships), but I don't think I'll be able to rest until I translate the movie playing in my head whenever I hear this song now into an actually watchable format. After all, they have come a long way from where they began, and I intend to make that both as touching and ironically hilarious as possible!

Goodnight, Travel Well - The Killers | Kakashi → Admittedly, I got this idea from a magnificently crafted fanvid done for my robin hood show, but I genuinely think it would be really interesting to make something similar for Kakashi centered around the time he technically died but got better? I don't know how to explain it, but I think it fits quite well.

30 Lives - Imagine Dragons | Kakashi & all the people he's loved and lost → can be listened to here.

A Pound of Flesh - Radical Face | Kakashi

then today I wake up feeling easy/and find I'm on more familiar roads/I got a darkness wrapped inside me/but now it ain't so hard to let it go/so keep a candle burning in the window/I'm almost home

Hold Back The River - James Bay | Kakashi & life getting in the way of him being with his precious people (you may be sensing a pattern here) → @the road of life: Let! Kakashi! And his People! Hold! Each! Other!!! Also, 'tried to square not being there, but think that I should have been' is absolutely about Sasuke's defection and Kakashi adding it to his long list of undeserving self-recriminations.

The Fall - Imagine Dragons | Yamato & Kakashi → 😊😊😊😊😊😊😊

Shadowman - K's Choice | could work equally well for Kakashi or Obito, I think

any time tomorrow a part of me will die/and a new one will be born/any time tomorrow/I'll get sick of asking why/sick of all the darkness I have worn/any time tomorrow/I will try to do what's right/making sense of all I can/any time tomorrow I'll pretend to see the light/I just might/.../and doesn't it make you sad?/to see so much love denied/see nothing but a shadowman inside

Paint - The Paper Kites | Kakashi & Team 7

still there's a wound and I'm moving slow/though it don't show, though it don't show/I've got a hole where nothing grows,/how little you know, how little you know

→ A song for just how much Team 7 doesn't know about their sensei.

Always Find Me Here - Transit | Kakashi → ...most likely at the memorial stone. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ (why am I like this)

Taste - Sleeping At Last | Kakashi

it’s bittersweet, it’s poetry/a careful pruning of my dead leaves/it’s holy ground, a treasure chest/I'm on my knees and only scratch the surface/like fists unraveling, like glass unshattering/we’re breaking all the rules, we’re breaking bread again/we’re swallowing light ’til we’re fixed from the inside

Help - Hurts | Yamato & Kakashi

take my hand and lead the way/out of the darkness and into the light of the day/.../'cause I know what I've been missing/and I know that I should try/but there's hope in this admission/and there's freedom in your eyes/.../I can feel the darkness coming/and I'm afraid of myself/call my name and I'll come running/'cause I just need some help

→ NO ONE TOUCHE ME.

Your Soul - RHODES | A mish-mash of Kakashi & Tenzo and Rin & Obito & Kakashi and Gai & Kakashi vibes? → So like, 'oh you know when you're alone/I'm holding on and on and on and on/to your soul' reminded me of your 'when you're all alone...the only thing you really think about is dying' 'but when there are two of you...the only thing you can think about is surviving.' and now kakashi - who just saved his life - is asking him 'did you want to die' and yamato is saying 'no' there are two of them and yamato wants to SURVIVE. tags as well as Gai's steadfastness as a friend, and 'I just wanna hold your hand' made me think of Rin's "Well then, I'm just going to have to connect the two of you." while holding their hands, and the sunlight/'soul shine'/'your light' motif is just A Lot in this song!!

7 Years - Lukas Graham | Kakashi → Alright, yeah, there are already approximately a gazillion pre-existing Naruto AMVs for this song and even one or two focusing on Kakashi, but they don't capitalize on all the angst possibilities in many of the lyrics or reach the fluff potential of 'will I think the world is cold or will I have a lot of children who can warm me [when I'm old]' and I cannot abide that!

Putting The Dog To Sleep - The Antlers | Kakashi & Sasuke → Okay, on one hand, this song is One Big Oof. But I do like the (potentially odd) way I've conceptualized it for Kakashi & Sasuke? Like, the first half is Kakashi going through all the tragedies in his life and getting lost in ANBU, but then in the second half it transitions to him wanting to prevent Sasuke from having to be as alone as Kakashi once was and they can face life together? It makes me emotional!

Trust Me - The Fray | Kakashi & Obito

I found a friend, or should I say a foe?/said there's a few things you should know/we don't want you to see/we come, and we go/here today, gone tomorrow

→ There are a few lines that call Tenzo & Kakashi to mind, but mostly it's Obito & Kakashi.

The Lightning Strike (What If This Storm Ends?) - Snow Patrol | Kakashi → I had to, right? My mindscape is a little murky/scattered about what specifically I want to think about when I listen to this, but obviously it has to do with Kakashi in one way or another.

Kettering - The Antlers | Team Minato(???) → Honestly not sure if this will make any sense, but yeah, vague team minato vibes?

Swans - Unkle Bob | Kakashi & Obito/Rin/Minato/Kushina/Sakumo → They should be by his side always!!!

Looking Too Closely - Fink | Kakashi → I honestly feel rather ambivalent about this one too, but I can't deny 'truth is like blood underneath your fingernails/and you don't wanna hurt yourself, hurt yourself/looking too closely' always destroys me because... well, you know. I love suffering. :(

Souvenirs - Switchfoot | Kakashi & Obito & Rin

wolves - Switchfoot | Kakashi

snowfall for the battlefield/roses for the father's sons/see them red on the ground:/bleeding/when the revolution came/we were more than hungry men/we were hoping for more:/bleeding/end. begin again./all of my world is collision and spin/hope is a world that has yet to begin/awaken, oh sleeper/awaken, oh sleeper/a new day begins

→ I wanted a wolf-related song too. :)

PRODIGAL SOUL - Switchfoot | Obito, Itachi, & Sasuke; just all them wayward Uchiha boys

Coming Down - Dear Euphoria | kid!Kakashi & his relationships

the shell/that I wore/it wasn't for fun/it wasn't to make you/stick around/it was for survival/it was what I've learnt/it was for the sun/.../our love has grown/our love has flown

→ Another one I'm a little unsure of whether it makes sense outside of my head or not, but I like the vibes?

Ghosts That We Knew - Mumford & Sons | Kakashi & Yamato? → Hmm, can I maybe submit this as a Kakashi-&-Yamato-just-need-to-mske-it-through-this-war-so-they-can-have-a-bright-bright-future song?

All Is Well (It's Only Blood) - Radical Face | Kakashi → ...he said as he's bleeding out or after he's thrown himself in the line of fire protecting someone he thinks is a better person than himself...

Bleeding Out - Imagine Dragons | Kakashi

when the hour is nigh/and hopelessness is sinking in/and the wolves all cry/to fill the night with hollering/when your eyes are red/and emptiness is all you know/with the darkness fed/I will be your scarecrow/you tell me to hold on/oh, you tell me to hold on/but innocence is gone/and what was right is wrong

→ In a similar vein to the previous song. But goodness gracious! Were they NOT straight up describing Kakashi here?

Amaryllis - Shinedown | Yamato & Kakashi → Just tossing this one out there, not sure if it will make sense or if it's a reach... but I like it?

lost 'cause - Switchfoot | Kakashi & Sasuke

are we a lost cause?/or are we just lost 'cause/we won't be the future we refuse to see?/and if I'm your lost cause/it'll be your lost 'cause/you won't see me as I am, the possibility/that I'm not the enemy

→ 214 feels. (And before and after that, but yeah.)

Through the Ghost - Shinedown | Kakashi & Obito

so many silent sorrows/you never hear from again/and now that you've lost tomorrow/is yesterday still a friend?/.../everything that mattered is just/a city of dust/covering both of us/did you hide yourself away?/I can't see you anymore/.../did you hide yourself away?/are you living through the ghost?/did you finally find a place/above the shadows so the world will never know?/the world will never know you like I do ... like I still do

Little Talks - Of Monsters and Men | Kakashi → Just Kakashi having little chats with his ghosts, totally the most heartwarming way to conclude this section. 😅

Sleepyhead - Passion Pit | Kakashi → Just kidding! Here's a slightly less morbid song for the Most Tired Boy Of Them All.™ (Random aside: this was my customary song to listen to on my walks to 8AM organic chemistry classes; I found it strangely soothing! On a different occasion, after a particularly long day for her, one of my roommates didn't have the energy to make it to her bed but nevertheless requested a lullaby from us. So I obliged by playing this song for her, but she didn't seem to gain the same peace of mind from it as I did. 😄 I know it's not my place to propose anything like this, but it does amuse me to imagine bookends!Kakashi in these situations, even though it's not OChem classes he has to go to.)

General/Miscellaneous:

Rise Above It - Switchfoot | Ensemble

don't care what they're telling me/we can be what we want to be/.../just because it's law doesn't mean that it's fair/.../don't believe the system's on your side/.../the curse is spoken/the system's broken; rise above it

→ I mean, how could I not think about Naruto when this song also has the lines 'hear us sing tonight like the last night on earth/we will rise like the tide/like dead men coming back to life/we are rising, rising'? It's fun to be literal sometimes!

Doorways - Radical Face | Allllll the traumatized children → Someone has to put all those tragic childhood flashbacks to good use, after all.

Ghost Towns - Radical Face | take your pick of Itachi, Sasuke, or Post-Kannabi-Bridge!Obito

there's no comin' home/with a name like mine/I still think of you/but everyone knows/yeah everyone knows/if you care, let it go

Blinding Light - Switchfoot | Hey, Hiruzen? You may have coined the phrase, "children are the king" but I don't think you truly understand it... (insert Princess Bride joke here)

hey boy, don't believe them/we're the nation that eats our youth/.../still looking for the blinding light/still looking for the reason why/still looking for the sun to shine/all my life I've been living in the darkest night/still looking for the blinding light/to take me higher and higher

Brother's Blood - Kevin Devine | EVERYONE → ...but certainly so much you could do with Itachi & Sasuke, Obito & Kakashi, Shisui & Itachi, even Hashirama & Madara! Sakumo's teammates turning their backs on him and saying 'I don't know one thing about my brother's blood'?!?! There are SO MANY ideas I have for this song! It gives me chills and makes my brain scream.

We Need Each Other - Sanctus Real | Ensemble → Already mentioned this one to you, but I have to include it here for thoroughness' sake!

Whispering - Alex Clare | the Hidden Leaf's lost/ostracized children/orphans

who will care for the falling?/who will care for the falling leaves?

So this is probably a strange concept to come up with and apply to this song, but the 'whispering, whispering, whispering' parts brought Konaha's virulent gossiping/passing judgement about others and often kids they don't even know problem to mind, too, and yeah?

The World You Want - Switchfoot | Ensemble → If I were to make a fanvid set to this song, I would definitely keep a broad focus, but I can't deny that the lines 'you start to look like what you believe, you float through time like a stream, if the waters of time are made up by you and I, I could change the world for you, you change it for me' FOR SURE has strong Obito & Kakashi/Kakashi & Tenzo vibes.

Red Eyes - Switchfoot | Ensemble, but definitely many dashes of Uchihas 😄 → I would like to thank Masashi Kishimoto for creating a world where red eyes are a Thing of Importance so I can one day make a fanvid using this song in not just the tired or teary bloodshot-red eyes way, but in a very literal sense too.

TAKE MY FIRE - Switchfoot | The Will of Fire → 'Cause I think I'm sooooo clever. 😄

Above The Clouds Of Pompeii - Bear's Den | various parent & child relationships → This obviously derives from the not-caring-about-your-female-characters problem, but it always gets me that all the single parents in the Naruto universe are almost invariably the fathers! I guess sometimes you can safely guess that the mothers are still alive/exist, but either way we hardly ever get to see them. :/ The one exception I can think of right now is Kurenai, but maybe I'm forgetting another conspicuous single mother. Anyway, I don't know if this helps or hinders more a potential Naruto fanvid for this song, but regardless, it still gives me feelings?

Who We Are - Switchfoot | Ensemble → It just makes me inordinately happy that the chorus for this song starts with 'who we are (in the fever of our youth)', you know? :D

Brother - Kodaline | all the friendships we can stuff in here and then some → Quite a well known song I'm pretty sure, but I love how many dynamics one could showcase in a potential fanvid of this. And, not gonna lie, 'oh brother, we go deeper than the ink beneath the skin of our tattoos' deserves to be used in some sort of Tenzo 'n' Kakashi or Team Ro fan creation!

Special Bonus:

Shake It Out - Florence + The Machine | Kakashi & Obito → I'm not sure whether I would have realized how well this works for Kakashi & Obito on my own, funnily enough, but then I found this fanvid of it (containing only scenes you've seen naturally!) and it hit me like a ton of bricks. It's so well done!

[crystaldwightsworld]

Hello!! I literally opened this blog to write to you. 🥺 I really liked your fanfictions about Leon x Ashley. I read nerve like four or five times, I'm wondering when will you update it again? And as the rain pours was amazing as well. You should update it because I want to see what will happen after that. 🤩 Not many people write for Ashley and Leon, I'm in need of more content about them. 😿 Have a good day or night angel!! 🌸

You... have NO idea how hard it is for me not to cry right now. I am so touched by your kind words and sweet compliments. Nerve is something I've been going back to off and on now for about four months. I haven't made a lot of progress though and trust me, it's driving me crazy how long it's been since an update.

Last year was tough as everyone knows. Covid happened, I was unemployed and I had to take care of my bf for the better part of 6+ months b/c he broke both of his ankles. To say I've been distracted is an understatement. Plus, dipping my toes into other fandoms deterred my mind even more. It still sits in the back of my mind though, that I need to work on it, do the research that needs to be done. The same thing for As the Rain Pours. You're right, not a lot of ppl write for Leon x Ashley b/c it's quite the rare pair and a lot of ppl dislike Ashley so much. Which is why I started the fics in the first place. Nerve is more difficult to crumble together b/c it's a completely different scenario. But trust me, I am still working on it. I don't know when I will update it or the both of them since writing takes a lot of time, at least for me it does. But I do not want to give up on either of them. I feel like my readers are depending on me to not only continue the stories but hash out the Leon x Ashley content that is so rare out there. I do not want to be deemed as a failure or that I've given up and forgotten about it.

With the recent release of Infinite Darkness, it has sparked up those long and dwindled thoughts, actually seeing the White House has brought back ideas and seeing Ashley’s father, President Graham, has peaked my interest again. It was only in pictures but seeing her again in the show... I’m not going to lie, I almost cried. I’ve finally started a playlist on spotify for them, songs that make me think of their relationship and what would be, platonic or not, scenes that I want to write, music that Ashley would listen to, the music that Leon plays in the car when he’s driving her around, music that Leon listens to when he needs the distraction in the next chapter, specific themed tracks that play at a particular location after Leon surprises Ashley with on her 21st birthday, music that plays over the speakers at a private gym while Leon teaches her self defense at after she complains about it being too quiet (btw, surprise :D), etc. I plan to maybe link it or share it with the next upload, if that’s possible. So it’s not dead. I do not wish to leave it in limbo or unfinished.

I hope to have an update soon, preferably for both but especially Nerve. It’s important to me. It’s important to me that people look forward to it and to not leave them hanging.

But... since your kindness has taken me fairly off guard (I hardly EVER get comments about the two fics so it makes my day when it does happen), I will let off with a sneak peek from the two chapters that I’ve been working on. These aren’t set in stone, it’s subject to change. But, thank you so much for taking the time to not only reach out to me but make a personal blog just for said reason alone. I’m baffled, honestly. Thank you for taking the time to read and admire my fics and writing. It’s surprising to me that as many ppl like it when I don’t feel that it’s that great in the first place. I’m no author, I just do this in my free time.

Under the cut, b/c, uh, well, yeah lol

Nerve, Chapter 3, Control:

Leon stood comfortably still pulling on his trusty black finger less gloves as the door of the private gym opened and closed with a loud clunk, Ashley appearing through the doorway and making her way over to him, just like she had agreed she would. He's surprised, he figured she would have backed out at the last second, knowing full and well how unsure she still was of herself. And him. 

Leon watches her glide across the room to him, an affirming and knowing smirk growing at the corners of his lips at her arrival, waiting for her to break the distance.

"Hi, Leon." She greets him brightly with a smile yet a little sluggish in her demeanor. She had dressed comfortably yet active like he had told her to, fitted joggers and a yellow fitted tank top that made her pale skin glow. 

"Morning sunshine." He teases, knowing full and well that she was still tired.

“You… look so different. I mean, in your casual clothes.” Ashley observes and he did. She’d never seen him in anything but a suit, prim and proper, so this had been a nice surprise. He looked comfortable and relaxed in a heathered gray crew neck active tee, fixed with two moisture wicking stripes separating the planes of his sleeves from the tops of his shoulders down the length of his torso, black loose-fit performance shorts, black finger less tactical gloves and… barefoot? She knew of Leon’s towering height over her but his legs seemed so much longer than she had been imagining.

Stop staring, Ashley! Sheesh!

“Well, as much as I know you’d looove for me to train you in my suit and tie, that’s not very practical sweetheart, so, casual wear it is.” Leon replies jokingly. “And I could say the same thing for you. I like the hair, graham cracker!” He cheerfully praises, having noticed the vibrant coral tips of the ends of her hair and bangs she had no doubt dyed, his fingers gently flicking at her loose strands. “It suits you. Very pretty.” He tells her with a wink, his blatant flattery lighting her cheeks crimson.

“It’s just… something different, y’know? I don’t know, I was just wanting a change. It’s temporary anyways. It’ll wash out.” Ashley rambles, fumbling and playing with her hair. “You should let me dye yours sometime!” She giddily suggests.

Leon chuckles with a snort. “Oh, I’m sure your father and the other agents would love seeing me walk around with pink hair!”

“I was thinking more of blue actually. It’s fun! You should try it!”

“Mhmm.” Leon hums playfully, just imagining how ridiculous he would look. Well… maybe…

“It washes out!” Ashley croons in an attempt to persuade him.

"Maybe someday, Ash… but how are we feeling this morning?" He asks with genuine curiosity.

It’s a small noise from her, a rumble that threatens to break in her chest as her fingers routinely fidget with the hem of her shirt, shuffling her feet a bit in her nervousness.

“I-I’m okay.” She replies yet her assurance does not sit well with him, unconfident and unsure. Leon squints his gaze at her, teasingly suspicious and she can’t help but huff out a laugh. She doesn’t know why she even bothers, nothing was going to get past Leon. Her gaze had fallen routinely to the floor, a habit he was going to have to work hard to break her out of. His long fingers cup and curl under her chin gently to raise her gaze back up to his level, remembering his advice to her to keep her gaze forward.

“Okay but how do you really feel?” Leon inquires again, his tone serious. She doesn’t reply right away, the cheerful brightness she held with her faltering a little. She wouldn’t be able to hide these things from Leon, not with how close they were going to be and not just physically. Her mental state and concerns were important to him.

“I… I’m nervous. Kinda scared. Tired, I--I didn’t get a lot of sleep.” She finally manages, her voice breaking in the whisper she didn’t know she was speaking in. Leon nods, removing his hand from her face.

“Good. I’d rather you be honest with me. Your nerves will pass the more you get used to it. And don’t be afraid. You know I’m not going to hurt you but I don’t want you to be afraid to get hurt. Remember what I said that this could get rough.” She nods, understanding.

“Alright, shoes and socks off.” He instructively demands and she does as she’s asked, toeing out of her sneakers and yanking off her socks, leaving them in a pile to deal with later. Leon nods for her to follow him and she does so, leading her to the panel of mirrors.

As the Rain Pours, Chapter 2, Friends Who Do This:

“No, I want to see you.” Leon shoos away her shaking arms gently. He moved to the floor before where she stood, his nose brushing against the plane of her abdomen before kissing her skin. “So gorgeous.” He tells her. She bit at her bottom lip as she watched him, his tongue drawing circles around her navel, nearly making her legs buckle below her. 

“How come I’m the only one in my underwear?” She breathlessly asks as his lips move dangerously closer to the dip under her hips. He grins up to her before standing, pulling his shirt over his head and climbing out of his shorts. 

She gaped in awe at him, all muscle and skin that rippled under his flesh. Silky skin between the litterings of past scars, the straight line of the mark near his collarbone where he had had past surgery and the faint mark of a gunshot wound on his left shoulder that she knew about. She wanted to touch them, brand them as hers, show him that he didn’t need to be self conscious of them because she was aware he was, always keeping himself covered. His hands push her back against the edge of the bed before moving to the floor again, nestling comfortably between her thin legs. 

Curious lips kissed at the tender skin between her inner thighs, picking up where they had left off back in the woods. Leon had every intention to finish what he had wanted to start, especially with the stunning information that she had never experienced such givings before but as his warm breath drew nearer, his wanting mouth near inches from her, she pulled away again against Leon’s boyish whine of disapproval.

“No?” Leon asks, his fingers tickling circles on her thighs.

“Leon, it’s okay, really…” 

“You don’t want me to?” He asks, confused. He thought maybe she had freaked out due to the fact they had been outside and presumed maybe she’d feel better about it in a more private setting but she still seemed unsure about it.

“I mean, I-- I don’t know, I just thought… I thought we could, y’know, you and me-”

“You thought I brought you back here for a quick fuck, is that it?” He clearly takes the words right out of her thought process, the judgement slicing right through her. His hands move to her face, thumbs caressing and smoothing against soft skin.

“That’s not what I want Ashley. Not yet. If you really don’t want me to, that’s okay but… you should at least try it, even if it’s just this once.”

“Leon… it can’t taste that good, I mean-”

“Why don’t you let me be the judge of that, sweetheart.” 

Okay, he was being serious…

She stared dumbfounded at him, hardly still believing that she was there with him, in front of him, nearly naked.

“I wanna hear you moan, make you writhe against the sheets below me… I want to make you come against my tongue.” He so boldly announces with definite confidence. Ashley’s eyes widened, she didn't know Leon to be into this kind of dirty talk. She breathes nervous giggles behind lacquered fingers covering her face, the heat having risen into her cheeks. She’s already losing control of her breathing as she feels him move back between her thighs, peeking over the edges of her fingertips.

“Please, let me,” He begs softly with earnest eyes. “You can tell me to stop any time if you do not wish to continue. I promise, I’m not going to hurt you. Please?”

[dizzydancingdreamer]

Persephone’s Symphony Playlist

A list of songs that I have gathered that make me think of Persephone and Hades, not in order but will have the chapters they fit with beside them for an added listening experience if one so wishes <3

Find it on Spotify here

Persephone's Symphony Master List

none too deep | Atlas in Motion, Sofia Caterina — Night One | Hades

Nothing you can say will make me leave

I'm none too deep for you

Don't push me away, i wanna be here for you

And i won't push you too far to feel

Like you have to talk about the dark

_

Hey, Soul Sister | Jonah Baker — Day Two | Hades

Your sweet moonbeam

The smell of you in every single dream I dream

I knew when we collided

You're the one I have decided who's one of my kind

_

I Of The Storm | Of Monsters and Men — Night One | Persephone, Night Two | Hades

I am a stranger

I am an alien inside a structure

Are you really gonna love me when I'm gone?

With all my thoughts

And all my faults

_

Accidentally in Love | KiD RAiN — Day Three | Persephone

Come on, come on

We were once upon a time in love

We're accidentally in love

_

Falling | Harry Styles — Day Two | Persephone

What am I now? What am I now?

What if you're someone I just want around

I'm falling again, I'm falling again, I'm falling

_

The Scientist | Gabriella — Day One | Hades

Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry

You don't know how lovely you are

I had to find you, tell you I need you

Tell you I set you apart

Tell me your secrets and ask me your questions

Oh, let's go back to the start

_

If I Die Young | The Band Perry — Day Three | Hades

I've never known the lovin' of a man

But it sure felt nice when he was holding my hand

There's a boy here in town, says he'll love me forever

Who would have thought forever could be severed by

The sharp knife of a short life

Well, I've had just enough time

So put on your best, boys, and I'll wear my pearls

What I never did is done

_

Lose My Mind (Acoustic) | Dean Lewis — Day Two | Hades

Oh now you're looking at me,

And I'm looking at you like a fool

But you don't know what it feels like to fall in love with you

No you don't know what it's like when you can't go back

_

Drops of Jupiter | stories, Olivia Kuper Harris — Night Three | Hades, Epilogue | Persephone

But tell me, did you sail across the sun?

Did you make it to the Milky Way

To see the lights all faded

And that heaven is overrated?

Tell me, did you fall for a shooting star?

One without a permanent scar

And did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there?

_

Skinny Love | Birdy — Night One | Persephone, Day Three | Hades

Come on, skinny love, just last the year

Pour a little salt, we were never here

My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my

Staring at the sink of blood and crushed veneer

_

Afterglow | Ed Sheeran — Day Two | Persephone

Stop the clocks, it's amazing

You should see the way the light dances off your head

A million colours of hazel, golden and red

Saturday morning is fading

The sun's reflected by the coffee in your hand

My eyes are caught in your gaze all over again

_

save me from the monster in my head | Welshly Arms — Night One | Hades, Night Two | Persephone, Night Two | Hades

Would you find me when the lights go down?

And hold me steady when I'm freakin' out?

'Cause I need you here

You keep me safe

You keep me safe and sound

_

Home | Cavetown — Prologue | Hades, Day One | Hades, Night One | Hades, Day Two | Hades

Get a load of this monster

He doesn't know how to communicate

His mind is in a different place

Will everybody please give him a little bit of space

Get a load of this train-wreck

His hair's a mess and he doesn't know who he is yet

But little do we know, the stars

Welcome him with open arms

_

I Should Probably Go To Bed | Dan + Shay — Night One | Persephone, Night Two | Persephone, Night Two | Hades, Day Three | Persephone

I should probably go to bed

I should probably turn off my phone

I should quit while I'm ahead

I should probably leave you alone

Now I'm all up in my head again

'Cause I know I don't

Have the self-control

To walk away if you walk in

_

Iris | Natalie Taylor — Night Three | Persephone, Night Three | Hades

And I'd give up forever to touch you

'Cause I know that you feel me somehow

You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be

And I don't wanna go home right now

And I don't want the world to see me

'Cause I don't think that they'd understand

When everything's made to be broken

I just want you to know who I am

_

Admit Defeat | Bastille — Day Two | Hades, Night Two | Hades, Day One | Persephone, Night Three | Persephone, Night Three | Hades

You stirred somethin' in me

I admit defeat

Won't be thinking 'bout anything at all tonight, so

Wrap yourself 'round me

I admit defeat

Won't be thinking 'bout anything at all tonight, but

You, oh, oh

_

All of Me | John Legend — Night One | Hades

How many times do I have to tell you?

Even when you're crying, you're beautiful too

The world is beating you down, I'm around

Through every mood

You're my downfall, you're my muse

My worst distraction, my rhythm and blues

_

Angel With A Shotgun | The Cab — Day Three | Hades

hey say before you start a war

You better know what you're fighting for

Well, baby, you are all that I adore

If love is what you need, a soldier I will be

I’m an angel with a shotgun

Fighting 'til the war's won

I don't care if heaven won't take me back

I'll throw away my faith, babe, just to keep you safe

Don't you know you're everything I have?

_

Work Song | Hozier — Day Three | Persephone, Night Three | Persephone, Night Three | Hades

Cause my baby's sweet as can be

She'd give me toothaches just from kissin' me

When my time comes around

Lay me gently in the cold dark earth

No grave can hold my body down

I'll crawl home to her

_

High Tops | Del Water Gap — Night Three | Persephone, Night Three | Hades

Don't you know that you're the only queen

Of this one-horse town

You're the only one that meant a thing to me

You're still hanging around

Touch me like you know me

Baby when you're lonely

Kiss me on my open mouth

I'll throw you a rope

I'll keep pulling you out

_

I Love You, I Love You. It’s Disgusting. — Epilogue | Persephone

You rescued me when my mind was in a prison

You set me free when no one else would listen

Now I finally feel complete

And I will follow you into the sea of eternity

Collapse into my arms

I'll take care of your heart

_

4 AM | Olivver The Kid — Night One | Hades, Night Two | Persephone

At 4 o'clock in the morning

You said

How often do these nightmares come?

Who are the wolves in your head?

How often do these nightmares come now?

_

Machine | Scott Helman — Day Two | Hades, Night Two | Hades, Day Three | Persephone

But you're more than bolts.

Like the city's more than steel and stone.

Soon your heart is gonna overflow.

They push you back down, you get up again.

Circuits freeze and androids never dream.

You're more than a machine.

_

Holding out for a Hero | Elise Lieberth — Night One | Hades, Day Three | Hades

I need a hero

I'm holding out for a hero 'til the end of the night

He's gotta be strong

And he's gotta be fast

And he's gotta be fresh from the fight

I need a hero

I'm holding out for a hero 'til the morning light

He's gotta be sure

And he's gotta be soon

And he's gotta be larger than life

_

[punkscowardschampions]

Jesse & Jac

Jesse: [okay so in my head it's at least the next day and obviously she's not going to school and neither is he because lowkey doesn't want to ever but brings her a cup of tea in the morning when everyone else is going off and then leaves] Jac: Practicing for your illustrious career in the café industry? Jac: Dad will be equal parts proud and horrified Jac: that'd be a...latte, yeah? Jesse: Depends on if you reckon it's needed Jac: Think it's a flat white, actually Jac: I'll ask him, be nothing but thrilled Jesse: thrilled about you talking Jac: you could be a little more buzzing yourself, honestly Jesse: I am Jesse: silent brooding works better for lads Jesse: and it's sorta my gig Jac: Don't worry, I'll leave your guitar out of my 'brooding' Jac: keep it truly 🤐 Jesse: 👍 Jac: You been tasked to make sure I don't top myself or this purely about your knowledge adversion Jesse: writer's block Jac: well you aren't co-opting my heartbreak Jac: not being another bitch who never gets the credit she's due Jesse: have a credit Jesse: don't matter to me Jac: Got enough hits, Mr Sensitive? Jac: alright Jac: it would piss Jude off if I got mine 'fore her Jesse: chart faves are shitting themselves Jac: yeah, you're well top40, always said so 😏 Jesse: prefer the 🤐 off you then Jac: Charming Jac: no wonder I'm so well-adjusted Jesse: you're doing alright Jac: Ha, what are you basing that expert opinion on? Jesse: 👀 Jac: Notoriously deceptive, 👀s Jesse: depends whose Jac: Remember when we started school Jac: and the teachers used to get our names the wrong way 'round Jesse: yeah Jesse: put a k on yours and an i in mine Jac: right Jac: maybe we can really commit to the swap now Jesse: if you like Jac: I could get the silent brooding down Jac: my sex aside Jesse: I'm not doing everything you do Jesse: be knackered Jac: you kidding? Jac: I'm laying here watching this cuppa go cold Jesse: [comes in and drinks it because we don't waste tea in this house] Jesse: don't stare at an empty mug Jesse: that's 💔 Jac: [the smallest lol ever] Jac: what do I do then? Jesse: [gets his guitar and starts teaching her some basics, like well if you're gonna be me] Jac: [that's a nice moment] Jesse: [just passing that guitar between them like] Jac: ['does it work then?'] Jesse: [a look like what?] Jac: [looks at the guitar then does 💔 mime] Jesse: [gets his phone and shows her how many songs/playlists etc there are on spotify or wherever about heartbreak with a shrug like it must do] Jac: [a look back that says 'or it doesn't'] Jesse: [a look back like maybe nothing does and looks at his imaginary watch like maybe time does] Jac: [scatching look like your mother] Jesse: [😏 like both of your parents] Jac: [taps the empty mug like make us another one? 'might be able to drink some of this one'] Jesse: [goes to do that and will bring her biscuits of course] Jac: [I'd love a biscuit rn tbh] Jesse: you know what would work? Jac: tell me Jesse: 🥊 Jac: I can barely hold a mug Jac: you want an easy win that bad? Jesse: you held a guitar Jac: not as hard as you want girls to believe, pretty boy Jesse: piss off Jac: 😏 Jesse: told ya you were doing alright Jac: not dead yet Jesse: 👍 Jesse: Jude would have it said you are Jesse: or dying Jac: She's got Auntie Grace's dramatic streak Jac: she'll wanna 🥊 me for saying it but can't hide from the truth Jesse: she wants to knock out loads of people Jesse: get in line Jac: I'm not queuing Jesse: 💔 isn't a killer then? Jac: Haven't you ever? Jac: ❤ or 💔 Jesse: only been in like Jac: reckon I've only ever been out Jesse: what do you mean? Jac: I thought it was ❤ Jac: but it weren't Jesse: weren't to you Jesse: or weren't to them Jac: Is there a difference? Jesse: yeah Jac: if it's not reciprocated Jac: it's not real Jesse: if it was real to one of you Jac: Only in my 🧠 Jesse: you reckon? Jac: I know now Jesse: if they even know Jac: what do you mean? Jesse: how they feel might be complicated Jesse: in their 🧠 or ❤ Jac: She made her feelings really clear Jesse: one of them Jac: It's not even how much this hurts Jac: and it does Jac: but I'm going to be completely alone Jesse: [brings her the tea and biscuits and does the feelsy lean on her that JJ do like no you won't] Jac: [just tapping his hand like she did the mug because we can't be smiling or showing appreciation in any way more than this rn] Jesse: [we drinking tea and eating biscuits cos emotions] Jac: [again, a nice moment, even though if you could cry, you would be] Jesse: [his biscuit falling in his tea and him doing the 💔 mime] Jac: [kisses her teeth like amateur 'won't tell dad'] Jesse: [does a little spur of the moment song about it that's so silly] Jac: [snorts 'oh, now I get why you have fans, yeah' shaking her head] Jesse: [throws a pillow at her because father's son] Jac: [hits him with it, obvs] Jesse: [lets her because it'll help] Jac: [should turn into you lowkey angrily beating him with the pillow like a crazy grieving person 'cos tea] Jesse: [100% approved and he'll eventually just hug her when she's exhausted her anger] Jac: [allowing it 'cos you need it] Jesse: [you seriously do gal] Jac: [loved this tbh] Jesse: [I like them together a lot] Jac: [but not in an incesty way ty] Jesse: [no no] Jac: [later, like, he left] Jac: thanks Jesse: it's just tea Jac: no just about, boy Jesse: 🙄😏 Jac: just let me know when you need a cup, yeah? Jesse: every hour on the hour Jesse: tah Jac: don't take the piss, like Jesse: don't sound like me Jac: 'course not Jesse: real food? Jac: biscuits are the most important food group Jesse: Dad entered the chat Jac: thank fuck he hasn't Jesse: worse people to talk to Jesse: in this house Jac: don't need to tell me Jac: dreading when she gets back Jesse: I'll take her on a dog walk Jesse: long Jac: throw a ⚾ and lose her Jac: bless Jesse: you've done the runner Jac: it worked so well Jesse: no seeing the future Jac: dunno if anyone thinks it's all that shocking Jesse: you weren't doing it for shock factor Jac: mum thinks I'm such a prick Jesse: She don't have the full story Jesse: and she can be a prick Jac: she ain't saying it like a compliment Jesse: not personally gutted that you weren't as good at pissing off as her Jac: 🤢 Jac: careful Jesse: 🤠 Jac: gotta live up to the namesake, yeah Jesse: don't wanna be the other McCartney Jesse: and you're more likely to invent Facebook than I am Jac: but how will I know I've got a beautiful soul now? 💔 Jesse: Talk to her Jac: who Jesse: the girl you love Jac: I can't Jesse: not today Jesse: but she's not going anywhere Jac: she's gone Jac: I can feel it Jac: nothing is the same now Jesse: loads has been happening Jesse: cut her some slack Jac: you didn't see the look on her face Jesse: I've seen her with you loads of other times Jac: she was in love with Tyler Jac: everyone knew it Jesse: was Jac: that was me Jac: their breakup Jesse: No it weren't Jac: I've done a lot of shit Jesse: that's not why she reacted like she did Jac: She's straight Jac: regardless Jesse: she said? Jac: the 👀 Jesse: it's for her to say Jesse: I got shit scared the 1st time I performed, it don't mean I never wanted to again Jac: well, she can Jac: not getting my hopes up here though Jesse: she'll be alone an' all Jac: if she weren't 💬 him in her uber back Jesse: you reckon? Jac: probably Jac: wouldn't be surprised Jesse: that's rough Jac: mhm Jesse: You wanna come to tonight's gig? Jac: How 💔 is your set? Jesse: it ain't Jesse: but it ain't set in stone Jac: don't go changing it on my account Jac: not fit to be seen by the public Jesse: write down the songs you wanna hear Jesse: if you can hold a pen Jesse: pub's in the middle of nowt Jac: I could use a drink that don't have milk in Jac: no white russians Jesse: should've said Jac: not before 5PM Jesse: real food 1st Jac: Dad entered the chat Jesse: don't wanna clean up your 🤮 you prick Jac: then don't Jac: and I'm not an amateur Jesse: 🖕😏 Jac: they got a 🚽 yeah? Jesse: Dunno Jac: Jesus Jac: super ⭐dom is well glam Jesse: Piss off Jac: can we be out the house 'fore they're all back or what Jesse: if you like Jac: you don't wanna be unfashionably early though Jesse: we can find somewhere else to go Jac: alright Jac: better than repeating the same conversations again Jesse: 👍 Jac: 🤠 Jesse: dress code? Jac: I'm not that gay Jesse: gutted Jac: 💔 Jesse: if we ain't matching, better not Jac: let us borrow a hat Jac: not gonna be pulling Jesse: Alright Jac: give me time to wash Jesse: don't have to queue Jac: polite to pretend I ain't a state Jesse: is it? Jesse: or are you just not? Jac: oh yeah, winning at life, me Jesse: weren't what I said Jesse: but you don't look like Alice Cooper, you can have that Jac: Cheers Jesse: 🏆

[sleeplngpowders-blog]

                                                         silas hirsch  — tag dump

i think i'm made of stone i should be feeling more. — ISMS. i think i'm made of stone i should be feeling more. — VISAGE. i think i'm made of stone i should be feeling more. — WARDROBE. i think i'm made of stone i should be feeling more. — AESTHETIC. i think i'm made of stone i should be feeling more. — CHATTER. i think i'm made of stone i should be feeling more. — STARTER. i think i'm made of stone i should be feeling more. — SPOTIFY. i think i'm made of stone i should be feeling more. — PHONE. i think i'm made of stone i should be feeling more. — SNAPS. i think i'm made of stone i should be feeling more. — MEMES.

i think i'm made of stone i should be feeling more. — FEATURING. name